#alanon

[truecampbell]

So true.

[oasisr]

It really hurts me to see my best friend struggle with alcoholism.

Even worse, she refuses to seek out resources to help her or attempt to become sober.

She spreads negativity and vitriol when she should be focusing on her healing journey.

I told her I need space because I don't want to be around her when she's screaming and cursing, and going on rants. I can't deal with that right now.

I'm on my own healing journey right now. I'm focusing on my health, sobriety, spirituality and working toward my academic and career goals.

[sillisa]

[faezrblazr]

Isn't this Recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous?

From Leslie Jamison: The Empathy Exams

[kimchicuddles]

Not taking the ticket Thank you so much for supporting my work! PATREON patreon.com/kimchicuddles COMMISSIONS TikvaWolf.com/services BOOKS TikvaWolf.com/books DONATE venmo.com/tikvawolf text reads: When someone I love with all my heart is trapped in a loop and keeps trying to pull me back onto that rollercoaster, it's hard to remember I don't need to take the ticket. And when it feels impossible to stop loving them,It's ok because I don't have to. My love is mine, and I can keep that part as long as I want to. I can cherish the fullness of my heart as I leave the theme park completely. And I can keep my heart open as I build myself a sturdier house on solid ground.

[girlsdinner]

I can’t control her addiction, just like I can’t control her sobriety.

[h3ntaichrist]

there is a certain emptiness in being a woman without a mother, or at least one worth a shit. i don't want to be bitter but i can feel my mouth fill up with jealousy and hatred tainted saliva each time i see other women experiencing the things i know i never will. my heart yearns for crone. i left my own maidenhood behind long ago. i wish mother didn't feel so incomplete. why do i feel like i am lacking? i am present for my own little maidens, more so than my mother ever was. where is my crone? why don't i get one?

[crashcoursecalyx]

My name is Calyx and I'm an addict.

That's always a great hook. Glad you're here. Sobriety is great, but I'm done with the bullshit. Here is my raw and unfiltered journey through sobriety, you're welcome to follow along.

I'm not exceptionally motivational, this shit is tough and I refuse to sugar coat. You should too. I hope I can convey something comprehensible, and that you might be able to take something away from my experience. Good luck!

January 28th, 2022. That's my sober date. But I loath dates, so I often forget it. It's written somewhere in my house, but I forget where that's at too. It's not for lack of care, or maybe it is. Im not perfect, but im sober. That sounds like a win for me. I was coming up on 3 years when I relapsed last. It was really a stupid sort of deal. Letting someone into your life should not be handled without care. Ask me, im an expert at doing the exact opposite. Magically, one aquaintance enticed me out of my delicately bubble wrapped box of sobriety and tempted a hunger that, for the most part, had been shoved under the bed amongst the old family photos, a long lost sock, and a disgusting population of dust bunnies. An hour before my relapse, my mind was TV static. Minutes before, my hands were tingly and going numb... my heart beat swelling in my face and burning through my skin. Seconds before, I can not recall. I was entirely consumed once again. Like a flash, nothing mattered more in that moment.

But the guilt! The shame! The self disappointment! Blah blah blah. Sometimes it's like visiting an old friend. The one that firmly grasped your hand when you you were drowning way back when, but afterwards wouldn't stop asking you to bend over so they could fuck you up the ass. (Sorry, I've never been a fan of the back door option - the front works just fine, thanks!) You don't know why you go back. You hate them. Yet, you do.

So, 3/9/2019 became 1/28/2022 in only a second. No big deal. Im not dead, yet. So I kept on trucking forward. Here I am, again...with a year and some change on me. Things are much different this time around, for what we could assume is for the better.

Check in for weekly thoughts/short stories/all that jazz, but don't get ahead of yourself. I'm an immediate gratification enthusiast, and I don't make habits of staying around anywhere for too long. Remember, don't panic!✌️

[rosesandthorns44]

Wish I could get the kids at work to understand that the "Higher Power" they talk about in 12-Step programs can be whatever you want, whatever outside of yourself that motivates you to recover.

I, like most of them, am queer and dubious of organized religion sometimes due to some people who weaponize their religions against us. However, I'm in Al-Anon, a 12-Step program for friends and family of addicts, and it helps A LOT once you read the literature and understand that no one is trying to convert you to anything.

My higher powers are music and effin' birds! Music is my lifeblood and birds just remind me that when things get crazy I can "fly away" (disengage from the situation) and return once the dust has settled instead of getting involved in toxic BS. I go birding when I'm stressed out and need to quiet my mind.

[limbiclown]

My dad: I’m doing the ninth step again and I feel like I’ve already reconciled with everyone in the family

Me:

[bazilisk]

It would be really neat if this alcoholism shit wasn't, you know, permanent.

[truecampbell]

Yep.

[springtimeraging]

I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough to fix you.

[sillisa]

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/quotes-pro/id627197304?mt=8

[faezrblazr]

Omg. I have obvious and complex expressions of echolalia. Damn, the things you learn from stopping your extreme isolating and getting into intensive Recovery.

I've never been around so many people in such an unmasked state and had the opportunity to check in with myself all day without being intoxicated on alcohol. Woo boy.

[a-sobriety-journey]

How Did I Get Here?... PT. 1

It's been a week since I got back from San Francisco and the week that changed everything. I suppose that there is no better time than the present to just get it out there...

I GOT A DUI.

I have known that I drink too much for a while now, but these last few months have really made it obvious. It all started with my sister and COVID. Due to my work life, before COVID I didn't have a home. My partner and I traveled constantly for work and found it pointless to pay rent when we could just camp or visit friends and family between jobs.

In March of 2020 we had just gotten back from Costa Rica and are usually home in Tahoe for about two weeks before we head out to the next gig, but as we all know, not this time. Lock down hit and S and I were held up at my parents house in Tahoe with a pretty damn white winter happening outside. Like a lot of us, sitting at home lead to movies, board games, puzzles and of course... day drinking. It's was only two weeks, pretty much a forced vacation. Nothing wrong with shots at 10am... right?

That was just the beginning. My sister and her BF came up from the Bay to quarantine at home with the family and the drinking continued. You see growing up my mom's vodka + sodas were 2/3 of a pint (with ice) of vodka and a splash of soda with lime. Our neighbor makes dangerously delicious margaritas with about the same ratios. To us, it was the point to taste the booze and feel the effects. Now, that being said I am a trained bartender and know that a 'proper pour' is, but we didn't even make our own drinks like that after our shift. So when it came time for the at home bartending, you already know that our drinks were the equivalent of 2-4.

We were drinking a bottle of tequila or vodka every 2-3 days and the sibling arguments and family strife began. To get out of the house S got a job at Safeway in town and I started delivering groceries with Instacart. When he wasn't working he would just ride with me. Grocery shopping while sipping cans of rosé, because why not? We weren't hurting anyone. The truth is... we were. We were hurting ourselves, but we will discuss that later.

So while E stayed home, her BF would go play in the snow and S and I would work; all converging at the end of the day back at my parents to start on the homemade margaritas and moscow mules. All at our own points of day drunk, the transition into night drinking with the entire family would commence. This quickly became a routine and then grew into our of control. S and I found ourselves looking for our own apartment due to a desperate need for personal space and mom and dad were rapidly becoming fed up with the drinking, arguments and state of their house with all of us in it.

....stay tuned for PT 2 where I get into how I convinced myself I was fine for too long and what my bottom looked like.

xx,

ASJ