#george is vibing bc he can be as weird as he wants and not even COME CLOSE to the weirdness of his roommates

[redrobin-detective]

Skull and Co

Ok so the writing hasn't been going so great (upset stomach + laptop acting on the fritz) but it gave me time to bat around with a new l&co au where Skull and Lockwood's situations are reversed.

Lucy runs away to London and joins an eccentric agency run by a teenage boy who only goes by Skull. He was a talented orphan boy apprenticed by a well known if eccentric spirit researcher and agency leader, Edmund Bickerstaff, who died suddenly a few months ago. Skull chose to continue the agency on his own, hiring George and later Lucy. Lucy and Skull have a caustic but playful banter between them. She is intrigued by this mysterious boy who owns this whole agency not mention the master he still looks up to even in death.

While digging through the basement - looking for supplies bc Skull and George together are a messy, disaster duo - Lucy finds a Source jar in the basement containing a chatty, affable Skull who calls himself Lockwood. He's a boy from the Victorian era who could see spirits clearly back in the day. His parents, also researchers, dedicated time to understanding their child's abilities. They died a few years before Lockwood himself did under mysterious circumstances. Lockwood has intermittent memories of his life and none of his death. Skull is annoyed Lucy dug that old thing up, stupid skull was always making pleading faces at him but Skull can't Listen worth a damn.

The series would follow the agency as they grow as people. Lucy learns more about the wickedness that happened under Dr. Bickerstaff and how Skull had often been forced to particpate. Skull will be coming to terms with his mentor's abusive behavior and realize that he genuinely does want to be a better person. They're also trying to solve the mystery of Lockwood's death which ends up spiraling into the mystery of the problem itself.

[brakingpoint]

i missed your answer but happy day of the lord i'd love you to rank drivers by hotness because i think you're hilarious

you know what it's been like three days of the lord since you sent this but i've finally got bevved on one of them so let's go. i do not believe in rankings so i will instead be offering my commentary in current drivers championship standings order

max verstappen - i wont lie i know he's not everyone's cup of tea but i do find him quite sexy. do not understand the overwhelming tit hype on this website because this man would have to clench for his life to fill a victoria's secret training bra but it's fine because his beautiful autistic rizz and enchantingly bold nose make up for it. points deducted because i can tell his skincare routine is dish soap

lando norris - 2019 lando norris is like, i am honestly too old to have found him sexy if i'd been into f1 at the time bc even though we're only like 2/3 years apart in age he looks about 5 years younger than me. but i can completely get how if you were like 16 at the time he would seem like the cutest boy on the planet. like up all night era one direction vibes you know. unfortunately his 2024 styling with the weird desperate attempt at facial hair makes him look like a man who uses snapchat for evil

charles leclerc - objectively beautiful man crafted by the gods themselves but i can't honestly say he makes me feel anything carnally. i look at him as i would a marble sculpture in a museum

oscar piastri - he is not a bad looking guy but he does nothing for me. partially an age thing and partially his complete lack of rizz. he doesn't have time to be sexy he's got a job to do and that job is scaring the pants off lando norris every time he's within DRS range

carlos sainz - sometimes i think he is one of the top 10 sexiest men ever to exist on the planet and sometimes i think he looks like that really angry eagle off the muppets. he's got to work the right angles

lewis hamilton - much like charles leclerc he is someone who is so deeply objectively sexy that it almost reverts to me feeling nothing wait a second somebody just beamed psychic images of those interviews from like singapore 2019 where he had his hair up but with a couple bits framing his face so gorgeously and now i can't form words or think of anything else

george russell - the thing you have to understand is i went to oxford and i went clubbing a lot in oxford and so i have made out with a number of george russell lookalikes that is easily in the double figures. and i have zero regrets

sergio perez - he's not sexy he is like a cabbage patch doll whose nose i want to boop so fondly as i very gently whisper in his ear to DRIVE FUCKING FASTER

fernando alonso - i don't find him sexy but at the same time i can understand why lance stroll does

nico hulkenberg - i feel like you either have to be a really really straight woman or a really really gay european man to find him hot. and i am unfortunately neither

lance stroll - i'm refraining from answering until he grows his hair back out. at which point i will still refrain from answering but moreso for my own dignity

yuki tsunoda - we must not underestimate the rizz of a man so short he could be a back up dancer on sabrina carpenter's short 'n' sweet tour. i can unequivocally say i would

alex albon - you see physically he is not really my type but being engaged in conversation with him for more than five minutes would have me so horny i can barely breathe. i just love a dork yknow. i feel like i'd match with him on tinder by the strength of his bio even though his selfies are a bit shit and then i'd be actively drooling throughout the entire date

daniel ricciardo - in 2018, yes. in 2021 onwards, no. was he in some sort of reverse dorian grey situation where his portrait has gotten both hotter and attained better f1 results? who knows

pierre gasly - if he brings back the long swoopy hair with the frosted tips we are back in fucking business quite frankly

ollie bearman - i know he's technically an adult but he looks so young that even including him in this poll as an aside feels noncey to me

kevin magnussen - i have nothing to say. next

esteban ocon - he's tall, i suppose

franco colapinto - once again it's an ollie bearman situation where i can objectively acknowledge that he's a handsome lad but i've been following him since he was 19. i CANNOT see him that way.

zhou guanyu - i feel like his inherent swag is wasted in f1 i'd probably fancy him a lot more if he was some rando catwalk model i saw reblogged onto my dash precisely once when he was walking the runway in dior's latest collection at paris fashion week or something

logan sargeant (rip) - i really can't knock the people who fancy him because i feel like if you're american making out with 5000 guys who look just like him at college parties is my equivalent of making out with a ton of george russell impersonators at oxford. but thus i cannot see it due to our vastly different life experiences

valtteri bottas - he's hot in the way that like i walk into a gay bar and see the posters of men in leather jockstraps plastered around the place and go you know what this is not targeted to me but i can see why this is hugely titillating to the people these pictures were actually put up for. he's the closest to 1980s gay porn we have on this grid and i have to hugely respect that even if he's not my personal type

bonus liam lawson round - he looks like he was meant to debut in a boyband circa 2014 but accidentally got locked in a portaloo before their first recording session and they just kind of forgot about him there and he's just stumbled out into the daylight right now for the first time in 10 years and he's a little startled and hasn't learned about modern fashion yet but he's still kind of hot to people who would have desperately fancied luke from 5SOS were they above the age of seven at the time that band debuted

[ftm-hotch]

Some Foyet Thoughts

Comment on fall right into me

tickingclockheart Fri 13 Dec 2024 12:21AM MST: god this was so twisted in the best possible way. so, first off, foyet's voice: clear as hell. you get the menacing and deranged yet almost goofy(?) (that's not the right word but hopefully you understand what i mean) cadence he uses down perfectly. the whole "george junior" thing was funny because i can honestly see him calling it that in canon. his descriptions of hotch, from his outsider pov, were so eerie because hotch has no idea he's being watched and scrutinized like that. and i think hotch *does* realize that they're playing a "game", but the "game" he thinks they're playing is *not* the same one foyet does. foyet's contempt for haley was also super interesting to read, as well as his view of hotch's divorce as being directly related to "the game". you show foyet's intelligence clearly, but also how his obsession and delusion makes him not so different from the serial killers he wants to be considered superior to.

I literally couldn't sleep the other night bc I was thinking so hard about Hotch and Foyet, so let's get into it, "it" being a sort of brain dump for a more coherent analysis of Foyet I've got in the works.

(roughly 700 words)

When it comes to the women he kills, the lust Foyet feels is born of disgust that leads to a need to dominate and destroy them. As Hotch says in 5.09, women are weak, and he feels they're beneath him. At the same time, women have a huge psychic sway on him. He hates them so much it borders on obsession, and even when he stops killing, he can't stop himself from victimizing teenage girls (4.18). It's a need, one he can't let go of.

What's interesting in 5.09 is that Hotch connects Foyet's hatred of women to his mother, who failed to protect him from his abusive father. That gives the whole thing an Oedipal vibe that I'll explore a bit more later or somewhere else.

With Hotch, though, things are different. His lust for Hotch is destructive, but the destruction comes from a different place, an assimilative one. He wants to fuse with Hotch, maybe to trade places with him, to bring Hotch down to his level. That he wants to BE Hotch becomes very clear in 5.09: he takes over Hotch's house, plays with his son, and exerts total and final domination over his wife. For a good chunk of 5.09, he has total control over Hotch (and Haley, who he likely thinks of only in terms of Hotch).

As far as my fic goes, Foyet's assumption that the divorce had something to do with him is because he needs/wants to believe that he is as central to Hotch's life and psyche as Hotch is to his. Whether or not this is true is up for debate, but what Hotch feels for him certainly isn't the same kind of sexual obsession Foyet feels for Hotch.

Like with women, Foyet is deeply ambivalent about Hotch. He desires him sexually and in a way, romantically (coming back to that assimilative thing, which I'll come back to when I talk about 4.18). Hotch is everything to Foyet: love and hate, lust and disgust. He wants to own Hotch and be Hotch, and I think he knew, perhaps unconsciously, that their "game" could only end in his own death. Even if he had managed to kill Hotch and Jack, he was so psychically identified with Hotch by that point that I don't think he could have gone on without him. The game is truly one played until death do them part.

And now "Georgie Junior." If you're reading this and you haven't read "fall right into me," the fic this comment is on, I'll tell you everything you need to know: in the fic, Foyet refers to his penis as "Little Georgie Junior." I was fishing around for a weird euphemism for his dick because like tickingclockheart says, he's a weird guy, and the way he talks is almost goofy and definitely playful (C. Thomas Howell I love you forever). When I chose this particular phrase, I was thinking about how Foyet is totally identified with his sexuality. This is how he comes to identify so closely with Hotch. Unlike some serial killers (and a variety of other violent offenders), there's no separation between George Foyet and The Reaper. As Hotch says, "George Foyet is The Reaper." There is no difference, and while Foyet would like to think that this means he exercises total control over himself (like everything else he interacts with), it's clear that it controls him. As I mentioned before, he can't stop himself from offending even when he's not killing, even when it gets him fired from one of his jobs.

Foyet's identification with Hotch is part of why he stalks him, I think. You know that line in The Red Dragon (or NBC's Hannibal, which is an adaptation) where Will says he feels like he's doing things at the same time as (insert killer here, the reference is different in the show than in the book)? Yeah. Foyet needs to know everything about Hotch. He needs to be Hotch, and if he can't do that, he needs to destroy Hotch.

[99pluto]

Seventeen as F1 drivers

So, my bestie and I are both into F1 and we’re carats, and this started as a joke, but I took it seriously. Tbh i don't even know how to use this website, anyway, i had fun with these. Don't take it upfront, it's silly and meant to be funny, not offensive.

Seventeen members as F1 drivers would be:

S.Coups: Michael Schumacher (Ferrari era). Huge crack that makes history ? Well kind of, just like Michael he’d get out of his car to go and beat the shit out of that one mf that crashed into him. No Javi would be in the team anymore, too scared for their life. Kimi Raikkonen type of radios (anger issues). Ultra competitive and would swear as much as Tsunoda.

Jeonghan: Christian Horner. Yes. He is a good tactician deal with it, kinda evil like Horner sometimes, but he’s got as much love to provide to his kids just like Christian with Max. He would start racing but find out he’s even better at managing a team.

Joshua: Sebastian Vettel (not Redbull era). Not Redbull era bc he was (unfairly) disliked (just like Max) at that time, and EVERYONE loves Seb. That’s it, it’s the rule, you like F1 ? You like Seb. You don’t like F1 ? You still like Seb. Unproblematic and engaged king. Also a fucking legend.

Jun: Valteri Bottas (Alfa Romeo era). Unbothered moisturized king that slays. He’s doing his things, he doesn’t care because he knows his worth, you saw him naked and didn’t expect that. Everyone praises him on how he owns his style and he fucking does. Is hilarious when you don’t expect him to be.

Hoshi: George Russell. Iconic, hilarious, massive talent, carried Williams, CARRIED WILLIAMS, nothing to prove cuz he’s one of the best altho the Mercedes is hard to drive, doesn’t complain cuz he’s EXCELLENT and races with an 8th world champion without looking ridiculous next to him.

Wonwoo: Zhou Guanyu. He’s calm and collected, doesn’t make much waves, he’s doing his things and looks good doing them. Good pics, insta feed slays. 

Woozi: Fernando Alonso. Dude will hit retirement age and still be talented, pisses me off. Rarely speaks but spicy and precise comments. Will sometimes mess with your mind, he is clever and knows how to handle himself.

DK: Alex Albon (Williams era). He’s EXCELLENT, is happy with what he has, he got treated badly when he was younger but now he knows his worth. Hard work, a sunshine, hella funny.

Mingyu: Charles Leclerc (Ferrari depressed edition). Huge ass talent (as in Max Verstappen talent, without the father trauma) but does silly mistakes, is also silly. Gets bullied by his own team, basically. Might look cute and all but can get pretty serious, like, fr, he’s talented and SMART.

Minghao: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes era). Fashion icon, all about healthy soul in a healthy body, ICONIC. He’s just got the Lewis vibe idk like they would be friends i wouldn’t even be surprised.

Seungkwan: Daniel Ricciardo. The official sunshine of F1, the marketing face, everyone wants to meet him because he is so funny, iconic, adorable and he is talented. He carries F1’s image, he is still a sensitive person and can get hurt, so don’t, he has SO much to give and gives with pleasure, don’t hurt him (Br*wn if catch u). No one is more Dani coded than Seungkwan (kinda Seokmin too but had to choose).

Vernon: Carlos Sainz Jr. Mf isn’t part of this world, he’s seing things we don’t, chaotic in a calm way. Looks always hot in an unfair way (i might be biased). Aware of how people perceive him as weird, thinks it’s funny or doesn’t care. Unique laugh, why do they transform into seals when they’re laughing their ass out ???

Dino: Mick Schumacher (post H**s shithole era) or Oscar Piastri. He’s is the future of F1, the boy proved himself, teams literally fought over him. Give him a mediocre car he will still pull some good result although he’s a rookie, update the car and he’s a threat to experienced drivers that have been racing for years. Also Mick personality vibe, fr there’s something. Also very sweet then BOOM, he’s fucking hot.

[betweenthings2]

hi how do you feel about using a photo as a prompt bc yes THIS needs a blurb https://x.com/shesgotnosoul/status/1786722067368329429?s=46

Thank you for the ask!! You are a brilliant genius and I feel very great about using photos as a prompt, especially this one =) I'm not 100% convince that's George but I'm assuming it is for the same of the fic.

Also this got really horny. I don't really have anything to say for myself on that front, but let me know if you want me to rewrite it, because I can. This is just where the vibes took me after staring at that photo for a while. There's no actual smut, but it's alluded to.

Matty is half surprised when he finds himself on his back with George pinning him to the mat. It's not an unfamiliar position by any means--Matty often finds himself under George, but usually that happens in plush hotel beds or vaguely suspect dressing room couches, the back lounge of the bus when they get lucky and no one else is around or their own home. Matty doesn't usually find himself under George when they spar.

If Matty's being honest, it's a confusing place to be. He'd thought he was winning until he wasn't, but he's only more surprised when he realizes that he's not all that upset about where he is. Seeing George do anything physical, anything particularly masculine already kind of makes Matty feel a little like he ought to roll over and expose all his soft parts and submit, like a dog, and how easily George can win only amplifies that. He feels his cock twitch in his shorts.

Matty taps out because even he knows when he's beat, but he doesn't move right away when George sits up, just blinks up at him, confused. George can't help but laugh. 

"Alright?" George asks, sitting back on his heels.

Matty sits up, too, and nods. "I'm, erm, not sure how that happened."

George laughs again and says, "You're cute. You wanna go again?"

Matty shakes his head. He's pretty sure he'll want just roll over and submit if they go again, and he'll end up in a compromising position. "Do you?"

"I think I oughta stop while I'm ahead," George agrees.

It's Matty's turn to laugh. He'd initially had to do some work to get George to do Jiu Jitsu with him and when George finally gave in and agreed, Matty had been better at it than him. They've been fairly evenly matched for a while now, though. Matty is just more competitive. "You're ahead in a lot of things, G," he says.

They've been left alone now that they're done, so George pulls Matty close and kisses him. When they separate, George runs his fingers through Matty's sweaty curls and takes a fistful to keep him close. "You know," George murmurs, glancing down, "I got the distinct impression that you liked that."

Matty takes a sharp breath when George tugs on his hair. "Don't make it weird," he tries, half desperate to save face, even though it's George.

"Me?" George laughs. He tugs at Matty's hair again, urging him to bare his neck, and says, "Tell me. Tell me what you liked."

"I like sparring with you," Matty tries, still doing his best to save face. "'s fun."

"Try again."

"I-"

"Be honest, Matthew," George interrupts, voice low.

Matty shivers, involuntary, then admits, "'s hot that you can do that to me, like that you can just move me the way you want."

"Good boy," George murmurs. He watches Matty take a breath and kind of squirm, then says, "Keep goin'."

"I told you," Matty mutters, a little bit petulant.

"You told me what you wanted to say," George agrees, "but not what I want to hear, so keep going." He punctuates his words with another tug to Matty's hair.

"You, I, I like that you can make me do what you want. I like that you can be in charge like that. Like it when you're physical with me," Matty tries.

"Uh-huh. Tell me why you like that," George urges.

It's more of an order than a suggestion, Matty knows, so he says, "'cause, uh, 'cause you're in charge. I like that, like it when you tell me what to do."

George chuckles, low and just a little bit like it's directed at Matty, which makes him feel very small, and says, "I know you do, sweetheart. You need some direction, sometimes, don't you?"

Matty nods and waits for George to do something else, for George to tell him what to do.

There are footsteps in the hallway so George lets go of Matty's hair and sits back a bit to create a little bit of space, should someone glance into the room. Despite that, they don't really look innocent--George is looking at Matty like a predator looks at prey and Matty is dazed and a little bit flustered, looking back at George like he has the answers to everything.

They're left alone and when the footsteps begin to fade, George leans back in for a kiss, that Matty reciprocates easily, letting George lead.

"George?" Matty asks when the separate. "Can we go back? To our room?"

"You wanna go back to our hotel room?" George asks, pretending to consider.

Matty nods. "Please?"

And how can George say no when Matty is looking like that, when Matty is ready to say please already? He can't, so he agrees, and they go.

[fagtainsparklez]

Currently in cinema class but i also wanted to know more about clockwork, she seems very interesting in what you wrote her relations as! (And shes been a favorite of mine for a long time lol)

Also once tim convinces her to take the infection george clock out of her eye socket, what do you think she'd do with it?

i’ve made a FEW posts about my version of clockwork [1] [2] [3] but there is never enough to talk about with her. she’s become a very central character which i think is fun bc i was never Too too much into her back in the day! finally giving her the attention she deserves

i have her as being one of, if not the, last people to arrive at the mansion, so by the time she gets there, everyone’s had a while to calm down and get to know each other. and natalie doesn’t arrive in the best state, having only been about a week after the events of her origin. she’s just recently snapped and she’s scared and angry and hostile. and her arrival is a different vibe than most, because for a lot of them, their origins weren’t personal. not to her extent.

jeff killed his family, but he was so pumped with pain meds he can hardly remember it. their deaths weren’t personal, he would’ve killed anyone around him at the time. nina’s origin was similar, with the exception of her bullies, who she doesn’t even think about anymore. theirs were Necessities. jack has no memories of his life before the incident, and his initial struggles were more with what he’d become than what he’d done. ben’s arrival is the closest, as he was struggling heavily with having his own body and autonomy again, but he leaned more heavily on needing control than anything else.

but natalie’s still so hurt and still so angry. she felt better for a short while directly after her incident, but that rush had left her by the time slender took her in. she’d taken care of the people who’d hurt her. she couldn’t understand why she still felt so helpless, so hurt. she lashes out and projects her unresolved issues onto the other residents—her medical trauma onto jack, her brotherly trauma onto jeff/ben and sally/nina. she never got the proper conclusion/resolution she thought she would by killing her family, so she attempts to find that in the mansion, which manifests in her lashing out. i said it somewhere before but she’s more just a scared animal. she doesn’t know why she bites, necessarily, just that she’s always had to to survive. her backstory just works really well with the other members and out of anyone i think she’s the one that needs the most healing TBH

as for what happens to her watch, i haven’t actually thought about it! i think the most logical and narratively rewarding solution would be for her to throw it away. to fully leave behind that aspect of her life and start anew, no longer fueled by anger and the need for revenge. but i think she doesn’t get there instantly. the mansion’s full of fucked-up keepsakes (jeff has a knife collection from victim’s houses, jack has his handful of preserved organs, etc) so it isn’t seen as weird for her to keep it. it makes sense, it’s sentimental, after all. i think she gets nina’s help and makes a necklace out of it (after jack thoroughly disinfects the thing. like by god girl) until she heals enough to fully leave that time behind her

[scenetocause]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

i got tagged by @verycoolwearsleather and now i have to pretend i have a writing process haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

it says 52 but there's actually a lot more due to orphaning/anon-ing things.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345,519 but again i'm not sure how much tha's counting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

gross f1 twinks

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

just telling it like it is (lando/maxv)

pretty sure this is just cus it's the oldest fic i have since the account reboot because it absolutely does not merit being anywhere near the top 10 lol it's just a 5+1 about other mando being obvious (it's anon'd cus i got bored of a load of my fics and didn't want them as part of the emptyhalf canon anymore)

every colour illuminates (george/lando)

for something i started writing offhand cus some of my friends were saying there should be more trans men in f1 fic, this one sure grew legs. i'm still insanely moved by the comments it gets and the way it seemed to resonate with people. i'm not sure i can really convey how dumb i actually am in a way that'd make people believe me but i really did just write this on vibes and it's one of the things i can say i'm genuinely glad i did. idk, it's just queer porn really but maybe we need more of that.

(i) just wanna get a little bit closer (mando)

you know i don't even think this is close to my best mando fic (personal choice is no plans of staying on) so there's no accounting for taste and you absolutely should practice death of the author or whatever. anyway, it's mando cohabitation era boundary breakdown stuff where they fuck and then go on a date about it.

shoreline i see when i'm off course (loscar, mando)

people rly are thirsty for a/b/o huh. how'd this little fic get into the top five so quickly?

the usual, upside down (alex/george/lando)

literally THEE most head empty omegaverse threesome fic in history y'all are horny as fuck. it literally only got written bc george did some dumb insta post where he called lando and alex his mates and also then was walking around looking horny af in the black fireproofs and mask when he stood in for lewis. there is NO nutritional content here even by the fast food standards of emptyhalf fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i uh. i should. i would like to but my brain is quite severely broken. i do read them all and i bookmark a lot in open tabs to come back to and reply to because they mean a lot but then i have 6000 tabs open and no executive function.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

we don't do that here. i guess maybe if you dig into the far distant past then it was probably i'm not just a fuck up, i'm the fuck up you love which is 18k words of jev not really getting over daniel that ends on a sort of optimistically blasted-open note.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them are happy but probably actually pick me up, no headlights where george and max end up with their weird little family worked out and the kids are doing well, y'know

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no i don't think enough people read them to beef me lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahaha oh yea. i like to think i write something along the lines of realistic queer sex, with the way that means it's mostly kind of funny and sometimes awakward and isn't elegant or arch or even particularly romantic except that you're getting to do it with the person you do it with. writing lando and oscar being straight with each other, even if it's in a cringe fail way, made me realise i really do not write straight people and i feel a bit like one of those painfully hetero actors who does a gay kissing scene and talks about how they had to get themselves in the mindset by watching the l word or whatever haha. what do straight people do? who are they?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i was gonna say no but then i remembered i wrote logan and oscar going ghosthunting and being kinda pass-agg horny about it because. idk? logan gave me ryan bergara vibes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i think someone reposted some of mine awhile ago and it got dealt with before i really knew anything about it idk

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't know tbh. someone made a podfic of one of my fics a way back.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah i used to do that quite a lot but now. i am a lone wolf. (too perverse for other people's minds)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

jenson/lewis but society has never been ready for this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i don't. i don't wanna let doubt enter into it but my daniel goes to fe fic is up against a number of the dark souls boss level demons in my own brain 😔

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i uh. i can write on my phone? i have a relaxed attitude to whether what i write is any good at all? i don't actually think i really have any.

people quite often say i have a lot of emotional intelligence in my fics which is very funny to me because i am a deeply unemotionally intelligent person so idk how that's happened really.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

look we could be here all day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i guess it has never bothered me so long as the reader could be reasonably expected to work out the meaning from the context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

cardcaptor sakura (i was 14)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmm. in terms of thinking it's like, good or whatever it's probably don't say no or you'll have to go, the fucked up valtteri/george mutual seat envy/horror of being compared to lewis hamilton thing. or really, it's an old spy au fic called ten seconds before sunrise that i deleted ages ago so: sorry about that.

but favourite is probably some dumb mando shit or i have extreme recency bias so maybe logan and oscar go ghosthunting or whatever. oh wait, no, it's genders maxy the how-to-find-your-identity-post-racing-in-your-pussy treatise that was born of crack but ended up. no, it's still crack. anyway, classic emptyhalf shit tbh.

[gladiolidiaries]

also can i just say how fucking weird it is that karl was like “george is super duper straight. ik you said he’s probably the most likely to be gay but he’s like the straightest guy on the planet!! george is super straight” like he was saying it, conversation got slightly derailed and then he bought it back up again and said it again. does that not strike you as weird? why hasn’t he been that adamant about any of his other friends’ sexuality? what does being the straightest guy on the planet even mean what made karl so adamant about his being sooo much straighter than every other guy he knows is he constantly talking about pussy and tits and drinking beer? like it’s just funny i think he either felt like he had to defend george because he’s always being called gay and karl believed he’s straight and is sticking up for him or he just wants to clarify that george is completely straight because knf cuddling was mentioned and he wanted to clarify that neither of them were attracted to each other bc as he literally admitted he wouldn’t be as comfy doing that with a gay guy

it was such a weird thing to say. the vibes were just awful too. i think it's overcompensation but god i hate it

[quidfree]

for the r&j discourse... actually the main topic was about chatgpt is currently available in my country and someone made a post to discuss whether ai would rule the world (and concluded its not gonna be that dramatic like people imagine after he teaching chatgpt chess and asking it questions about moral dilemma). the most possible scenario is that ai will be people's mental counselor (or even the one can give advice on/effect our life choices, our morality), and specifically it will replace book/film reviewers cause chatgpt is excellent at these. and that said person made a joke about if those reviewers dont want to be replaced, they should write something that ai would 'despise' writing about; and then he gave an screenshot that he sent chatgpt a message like:

b

so i was just being nosy or whatever about that line "Shakespeare wrote r&j just to criticize love because he thought it's stupid" and thought i could ask you (admittedly i have never read r&j even it got stranlated into my mother tongue 'cause i think it wouldn't be the same when i can read it in its language and still need some motivation for shakespere's works is ...hard lol)

in the discourse, he even noted that current world with ai will be likelier a dystopia in 'Brave New World' by Aldous Huxley than the one in '1984' by 'George Owell' (which i must also admit i don't have a clue, but asking you once again to give thoughts lol)

it was so random and a lot, i know, and you always have been so kind and generous, no need to burdern yourself with this, just delete this without any qualms if this is too much

thank you ^^

interesting..... i was not expecting this to be the direction that query went in lol.

i find the whole chatgpt/ai = future moral arbiter argument so odd. it's an appeal to objective morality that i don't understand bc i don't believe that exists. humans shape morals and humans make ai. like at the end of the day when we see 'ai generated art' it's art ripped from art real people made, and likewise whatever output we get from an ai stems from some person somewhere. it ultimately is just borrowing the voice of real people and their real opinions.

shakespeare is absolutely hard because the english is old and full of references that even the english no longer understand without guidance! i think if you're interested in romeo + juliet you should absolutely watch the 1996 movie, because it's really beautifully true to the feel and emotion of the play while translating it into a modern setting which makes the text a lot more easily understood. and it's sick. mercutio is so cool. the visuals are outstanding.

i don't know that i can give a good verdict on 1984 vs brave new world as our likely future. my thoughts on those 2 books in particular were like... i remember brave new world gave me the vibe that huxley had a lot of weird sexual hangups, and like a lot of his type of author he had 50/50 valid criticisms of liberal/libertarian capitalism and moral panic over irrelevant issues. 1984 on the other hand is a very particular/time-specific critique and a lot grimmer, and as such easier to read because it's less believable a permanent future.

anw in terms of 'accuracy', a lot of elements from those books exist in our current society, but that's because most dystopia is based on the horrors of present day rather than any genius visions of the future. i will squarely admit i don't enjoy the genre, maybe because i don't like to induce existential anxiety in myself when i read or maybe because i prefer my fictitious social critiques to be less... idk, exaggerated. i feel the same way abt candide.

also your message is very kind to me anon, no need to be so hard on yourself either! i'm always happy to weigh in on random subjects of interest.

[thesquareinthecircularhole]

hey stupid, i love you [MCYT: Dream x GN!Reader]

song: hey stupid I love you by jp saxe

warnings: fluff

im pretty sure i made this an gender neutral as possible but if there is an error lmk thanks bby :*

im in a simpin mood bby

as always, song lyrics in italics

i skipped a couple versus due to repetitiveness oops

this is the one i complained about losing, but it actually worked out bc i like this one better...less wordy

word count: ~2k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing's wrong, and it's not what I'm used to Oh, does it surprise you too? When it's simple, is it easier than it should be?

"Hey babe, are you okay? You've been quiet today," Dream practically pouted as he asked you. He loved the sound of your voice and while you definitely weren't giving him the quiet treatment, you sure weren't as talkative as you normally are.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just distracted thinking my thoughts." You smiled at him and leaned against him. He looked down at you and pecked your lips. You gave him a sweet kiss back. The smile he gave you made your heart boom. Loving him was as easy as eating a cake (because the usually analogy 'baking a cake' isn't true, its sometimes hard to bake a cake, especially when a hungry streamer keeps trying to eat the batter or start a flour fight).

"Anyway, don't you have a stream with the Dream Team to get ready for? One that starts in," you look at the clock on your phone, "three minutes ago?" The slight panic that crosses Dream's face makes you laugh loud. He gives you another kiss and in less than five seconds has practically launched himself across the house into his recording room. Your laughter follows him the whole way, a smile and blush upon his face.

Nothing's wrong, but when you're not in my arms I send voice notes, you send hearts And get quiet, and I know that means you miss me

Okay, granted, you were the one to remind him that he was streaming with his friends today and speedrunning, but you didn't expect it to last well over five hours. At the beginning you worked on your classwork for your [college degree of choice]. You got it done quickly, as it was nearing the end of the semester and most professors of yours were laidback and wanted you to study more than write nonsense papers (fictional you, i'm so jealous). Occasionally you would jump in fear when you heard Dream shout, still not used to it after years.

After finishing your classwork, you started cooking dinner. Soup was the vibe for the evening, and you had found a wonderful chicken and dumplings recipe a while ago that you wanted to try. You did have to go to the store for some of the ingredients, but luckily it only took you an hour. You can back and he was still streaming. It took about another hour for dinner to be done. You let it cool and prepared yourself a bowl. You set your laptop up and started watching Dream's stream. Hearing his voice made you miss him, so you pulled out your phone.

Going to the two of y'alls messages, you started making him a voice message.

"Hey baby, I made dinner, so don't play so long it gets cold. I love you! Kick the enderdragon's ass baby! Mwah."

You continued watching him stream, and he took a pause for a minute, his screen not moving from the create a new world screen and his mic muted. A couple seconds later you got spammed with every heart offered in the emoji index times what felt like a thousand.

He continued being quiet for a couple seconds, although he did unmute and continue playing, answering George's and Sapnap's questions of where he went with, "I had to take a message."

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Chat sometimes upset you. Sure, you got Dream, all of him, but sometimes the comments made by some of the more obsessives fans were a bit to much.

'With the way he killed those mobs you know he's got good fingers'

'His voice is hot so he must be'

'Heyo dream baby lemme see them feet'

Okay the last one was more weird, and actually turned out to be a joke from Quackity but anyway moving on.

He was your guy, and he promised himself to you, but sometimes he seemed to have a genuine connection with some of the sweeter and not gross ones. It made you scared that someone, one day, will swoop him off his feet with a comment and he’d leave you for them. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes, get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

The stream ended a little under an hour later. Dream left his recording room, grabbed a bowl of soup, and found you in the living room, lost in thought. He plopped down right next to you. 

“Talk to me baby.”

“About what?”

“Anything and everything.”

“Okay.” You’re quiet for a bit, despite his offering of listening. He knew you were gonna take him up on the offer, you just needed a bit of time, so he was going to wait patiently. He finished his soup quickly, he was much hungrier than he thought. He put the bowl on the coffee table and before he was all the way leaned back on the couch, you were leaning against him. His arms wrapped around you, your head was tucked in between his head and shoulder, and a blanket covered the both of you. You looked towards the blank tv screen but felt his eyes on you.

“I love you a lot. And I know you love me too, but I’m afraid I’m not enough. You have so many options, especially with your popularity online. I don’t know what I’d do if you left me, whether it be for someone else or just because you’re tired of me.” Dream waits for you to stop entirely, with you breathing heavily.

“Well, you’re right about one thing. I do love you, a lot. The rest of it is wrong and I’ll spend the rest of time telling you so.” Dream says, pressing several kisses against your forehead. 

“Yeah I know it’s stupid to feel this way, but my anxiety gets the best of me. It’s stupid, I’m stupid.”

“First of all, you’re not stupid. Second, hey stupid, I love you.”

Nothing's wrong, I just get in my head too Can you reassure me you, you're still in it? I just wish you could lean in and kiss me

As much as Dream loved you and reassured you, sometimes he would get caught up in his thoughts too. The life of a streamer/youtuber, especially one with as much fame and subscribers as him, was rough. The constant need to feed his fans with entertainment and content, and the need for the content to satisfy his fans was stressful. He hates to admit it, but he some days he spent to much time working and not enough with you. He thinks you would be so much happier with someone without a tight schedule and without a large, intense fanbase. Any random person on the street would be better for you than him, he thinks. 

When he gets into this headspace, the only thing that grounds him is your lips on his. When you kiss him, the clouds go away and all he can see is your eyes, as bright as the sun, and your smile, which can tempt even the purest. 

Say nothing's wrong, tell me to settle down You do it better than I've ever known how Won't pull some tricks for attention But could I get a little now?

Now, everyone knows that Dream likes some attention. He especially likes attention from you. Good thing is you also like attention, especially from him. The not so good thing is both of y’all get distracted so bad, it’s almost too funny.

He tends to get your attention by tickling you, whether it be in the comfort of your home or in public. One day, when you guys were walking through town, you stopped at a flower booth and got to talking with the friendly and flirty florist gentleman. It had been a couple minutes, and Dream was really needing some love, but you continued chatting with the florist who was definitely going to ask for your number but you genuinely thought he was just being nice. Dream crept up behind you and placed his hands on your side. You froze for a moment and looked at him, confused. The smirk that crossed his face barely gave you a second to prepare as he tickled your sides. Your laughter filled the street as you turned around as he tickled you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, which got him to stop ticking you, and gave him a kiss. The two of you continued on your way, attached at the hip.

And one day, when you wanted his attention, it was after he was done recording a manhunt with his friends. The actual video had been done for a bit, but they were just fucking around in the minecraft world and talking to each other. You had had a not so nice day, and wanted the crushing weight of your boyfriend on top of you. You crept into his recording room and came to stand right behind his chair. Based on the conversation you could tell he wasn’t recording anymore, so you knew it was safe. Your hands started in his hair, trailed down to his face, and slid down his body till your arms were wrapped around him snuggly. Your head was placed on top of his. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, and received no response. Instead, you began aggressively shaking him and the chair, turning it this way and that, making him slightly dizzy. His laughter filled the room, and he quickly ended the call. The two of you spent the next 12 hours cuddled in bed, leaving only for the necessities. 

You're jealous, you shouldn't be I want you obsessively But I know how complicated it can get When you're not in front of me I know insecurities get in your head

Dream got jealous as well sometimes. You were beautiful and a lot of the time attracted the attention of random passerbyers. Those people, who you don’t even know, who lived normal lives where they didn’t have to spend every second worried that their face will be revealed to the public and suddenly all their fans from around the world will know what they look like or the general area in which they live, who don’t have to obey algorithms and bend to the will of the masses to make sure they get paid enough to live, who could give you a normal and safe life. Every time one looked at you with some attraction, he pulled you a bit closer and kissed you a bit harder. 

But I'm not gonna interrupt if you need to talk about it Roll my eyes or get offended by the way you doubt it You know you're mine, you just forget sometimes So promise me you won’t And you know I'll remind you when you think I don't

Sometimes, Dream needed to rant. A long, hard, intense, rant. Sometimes it was about how someone accused him of cheating his speedruns. Sometimes it was about how someone said something nasty to him or one of his friends. Sometimes it was about a comment someone made about him or you that got on his nerves. When he needed to talk, you sat there and you listened. You did whatever he needed to get better, whether it was just listen or talk to find solutions. You did it because you know he would do the same for you. And afterwards, a cuddle session was a must. 

How could you forget? I told you seventeen times before 7 AM I love you How could you forget? I told you seventeen times

The morning after rough days were one of the bests. Arms tangled together, legs tangled together, everything tangled together, no one able to tell where one started and the other ended. Lazy kisses pressed to faces, hands, necks, any part of skin the lips could touch. One particular morning you woke up earlier than he did. A quick kiss against his cheek woke him up, and he gave you the most love filled smile any man could do.

“Hey stupid,” you said, “I love you.”

[cringesideblog]

here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.

heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”

Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”

TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”

Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”

Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”

Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”

Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”

Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”

Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”

I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”

Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”

The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”

Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”

Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”

Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”

Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”

Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”

Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”

The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”

Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”

Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”

Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”

Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”

Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”

Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”

This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”

Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”

august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”

I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”

Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”

Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”

Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”

Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”

Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”

Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”

Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”

I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”

In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3

[smolfailure]

FUCK IT, DREAM SMP HOMESTUCK AU

but it's only half shitposts and there are actual Thoughts in there.

You don't need to have read the comic to understand because I tried not to spoil anything major, but it'd help if you knew basic stuff about classpects, SBURB and the hemospectrum.

disclaimer: i'm not a good pixel artist and this is my first actual sprites ever so please be kind to my weird pixels

The Kids:

Tommy

Fundy

Techno

Tubbo

tommy, tubbo and fundy one of the kids because they're the kids in dream smp canon (with fundy being son of wilbur)

techno's there because i want to make a dave strider reference (haha get it because techno's name is also da-- *gets shot) and also because they are both coolguys except instead of using irony, techno has adhd

The Trolls:

Wilbur Soohte (fuschia)

?????? Ehrret (violet)

J????? Shlatt (purple)

Nihacu Niikki (indigo)

Skeppy Diamon (cerulean)

Quacki Tthiey (teal)

Philza Myncra (jade)

Dreame Wastkn (lime disguising as olive)

George Notfou (gold)

Sapphe Nahfpe (bronze)

Badboy Haelow (burgundy)

don't come at me saying only females are allowed to be jades and fuschias; gender is fake and this is an au

more of the AU and the talksprites are under the cut:

Tommy

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Red

chaotic. the first person to be introduced.

when he gets introduced instead of the “Zoosmell Pooplord” bit, Tommy is initially going to be the name inputted but then backspaced it and decided that Tommyinnit was better and he was fuming until he’s named Tommy.

Gives me big Blood/Hope vibes. Blood because a lot of the conflict of the dream smp connected to someone breaking his trust or harming the things he cares about, Hope because a lot of the plot of the dream smp stems from Tommy starting shit based on his ideals and what he thinks is right.

the first to instigate fighting against the trolls

bbh contacts him once and tommy keeps cursing until he disconnects from frustration rip

wields Gunkind and his only strife weapon at the beginning is the Vlog gun. He has Gunkind as his strife specibus mainly because he looked up at schlatt and he imitates him.

Fundy

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Orange

it was his idea to play SBURB but only through Dream.

he talks to dream the most among the other trolls fwt stans getcha juice this is the rosemary of the session

dream’s the one giving him exposition about the game so that’s how he knows how to play SBURB.

wilbur trolls fundy once and instantly adopts him.

“You’re my son.” “How does that even work??” “I was one of the people who created your universe. It’s basically the same thing.”

Fundy relents anyway.

Techno

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Pink

dave strider but dead-inside voice + rose lalonde english major vibes

he slices the text box when you try to name him "Dave " like in

techno gives me time player vibes (contantly on the move. his skyblock series, his “stays in the pit” monologue,) but also rage vibes (anarchy,  the “theseus” monologue, political alignment is Chaos) alas i am not sure what class

uses Tridentkind and claims "it came from god"

 it was dream, he accidentally transportalized one of wilbur’s weapon while he testing the transportalizer.

Tubbo

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Green

the jade harley of this session. the only thing keeping them from going apeshit. where would they be without him.

but also jade harley in a sense that he seems nice and wholesome but also don’t fuck with them they can mess you up

Heart/Life vibes??? someone good at classpecting help

i put them in prospit bc of the "tubbo third eye" instead of tubbo having a sixth sense or smth, they see the future from the clouds of skaia when they sleep

wields Stress-relieverKind at some point

bonus: everyone’s actual hair colors

Ideas about the Trolls

no i haven’t done their sprites yet bc it would take so much time and i’m not even sure if people wanna see more of this au skjdkdsakdfkl,, but i have Design Ideas.

events of the dsmp revolution are just a FLARP session drawing parallels to how the homestuck trolls had a FLARP session that spoiler alert: destroyed friendships. dtrio, eret, will are involved. eret betrays will's faction and wilbur's still Bitter over that.

on the context of alternia (highbloods and lowbloods) lmanburg and dreamsmp have their roles SWAPPED.  the emancipation theme thing is completely gone since highbloods are in more power than the lowbloods (the dream team) . 

wilbur made a faction called l’manburg because he wants a place where he and his fellow highbloods could make drugs vibe.they take a piece of land that was owned by the dream team. in normal circumstances, they shouldve stood down because lowbloods aren't supposed to start shit with highbloods (especially a group of highbloods that has the alternian heir among them)  but dream turned it into an activism thing about lowblood rights. the story plays as close as possible without tommy or tubbo in it (which is pretty hard ik but this is the best can do).

like in the dreamsmp revolution, dream kinda let wilbur do what he wants but this time he has more reason to because he’s in a lower caste. dream really only fought back when wilbur announced that he’d be building lmanburg on their land and calling it theirs.

eret betrays wilbur by supporting the lowbloods and wilbur and co. technically won but only because he finally called the drones in, as a reference to how lmanburg absolutely got crushed by the dream team in the smp but technically won. l’manburg keeps the piece of land and the dream team scatter away to find a new home.

wilbur soot's a fuschia because a) he's in a position that has a lot of power, b) yknow how he wrote a song about squids and his thing with sally… yeah.

eret's a violet because nobility!! dream looks down on him because he's ambivalent on fighting for lowblood rights when he's in a power to do so "you just sit there, and you look pretty that's it"

also like eridan he has a minor aesthetic mutation (herobrine eyes) that won't classify him as a mutant.

jschlatt is purple because it makes sense thematically because of the gamzee parallels (a. substance abuse b. if you know what happens in act 6, you know this already but spoiler alert, he ruins the main protagonists' lives) also he's a funnyman he deserves the clown caste

 quackity's a teal because he’s a law student. moving on--

 ok but for real it also makes sense thematically because he's the one who wrote the thing that tricked schlatt into agreeing also he gets manipulated by schlatt which also draws parallels to certain events in the comic

skeppy and bbh are BEST FRIENDS despite being highblood and lowblood respectively. initially, skeppy just wanted to bother bbh but they grew to be good friends in time. y’know like how they actually becane friends :D

philza minecraft is a jade because dad friend. also works thematically, because spoiler alert he gets to murder a seadweller for going batshit crazy. 

he also god tiers early. he dies fighting his quick undead denizen (haha baby zombie) but the consorts of his land carry him to his quest bed because he’s treated them all so well.

dream was initially going to be another caste but then i realized that means i have to make his hoodie something other than green which is unacceptable so its a good thing the fact that he's a lime works out

dream was the one who thought of playing sgrub in the first place- initially only planned to have gogy, sap, and bbh in the session but then realized that they four won't be enough so he invited more into his session

he’s also the first to go godtier ez clap blind speedrun not sure what classpect tho

the only reason why dream avoided being culled at birth for being a limeblood is because his rng is That Good. he quickly picked up the fact that he’s not supposed to exist and masqueraded as an oliveblood and kept mostly to himself to avoid suspicion.

george is still colorblind but he has lazer eyes along with it instead. dream lives with him in the same hive since being a mutant means dream doesn’t get a lusus of his own (dnf fans getcha juice “and they were roommates”) 

despite living in the same hive, he never really figures out that dream is a limeblood. possibly because a) he’s colorblind and when he sees dream bleeding he just sees yellow b) he’s just that fucking oblivious and it’s so valid of him.

sapnap’s a bronzeblood mainly because i know he’s the instigator of the pet war with tommy also because i associate him with the color orang in my mind so bronze it is

that’s the end of this long-ass post!! if you have other ideas PLEASE i want to hear them. i don’t know the other streamers i mentioned in here very well so if you have ideas that would be fitting to them like with classpect or lunar sway that would be GREAT. 

the only thing i’m confident about in here are the kids’ lunar sways. i’m not an expert in classpects and homestuck lore so there’s that too!! i just wanted to make this post because adhd means that the idea wouldn’t shut up until i finished it. This initially started as a single shitpost edit of tommyinnit talksprite but then the hiveswap 2 trailer came out and that means i have to combine my two hyperfixations.

also i have ideas about potential quadrants but idk how much of that is breaking some streamers’ boundaries about shipping (even the non romantic quads such as kismesistude, morallegiance and auspisticism) so i decided not to include it.

edit: apparently people want more so i made a discord server as a place to brainstorm!! please pm me to join!

[blackberry-gingham]

I... LIVE!!!

for now at least lmao. Anyway, idk what happened to the ask kdtkdktyfkf but the next request lined up that I was going to do was from an anon who requested headcannons on how the boys would take care of reader on her period.

So yeah, here we go! And anon, if you see this, I'm sorry about that 💀

George

Literally, the god of period cravings

He has a stockpile of herbal teas for the pain, and plenty of chocolate on standby for you

And if not, he’ll certainly go grab some to restock real quick!

Even better, there is literally no judgment if you just want to have a chocolate feast and do nothing all day

Honestly? That’s probably one of George’s top fantasies lmao

So needless to say he grabs some snacks for himself and joins you

Also!

He’s perfect for cuddling the pain away

That may sound weird, but here me out

You know that powerful metabolism he’s got?

Basically, it makes him a walking hot water bottle lmao

So yeah! If you can line up your tummy or lower back with his, then prepare to have the tension be released!

Not to mention, the master of massage therapy

His fingers are like magic, and if you’re comfortable with being touched, he can melt any knots in a jiffy

John

Now some of you may think that John would be an absolute child when it comes to this topic

But I disagree!

Now John with a random woman, or a one night stand would probably do that lol

But with a significant other? No way!

First of all, because he doesn’t want to deal with you biting his head off from a bad mood swing

But mostly because he knows you’re in pain and that’s defiantly no fun!

He’s probably the most clinical about it tbh lol

Like he gets you feminine hygiene products, he brings you pain killers and water, and he encourages you to rest if you’re feeling extra tired or sore!

Now while he may not be quite as prepared as George, he will get some snacks for you if you want and he’ll enjoy them with you lol

But yeah, all in all, a total gentleman

Like if you bleed through to the sheets?

No problem, he’ll just change them

But what if you bleed through your clothes accidently??? That’s a nightmare come true!

He’d subtly give you his suit jacket to tie around your waist and take you home

Paul

Honestly, Paul would want nothing more then to take all your pain and discomfort away for you

But since he, unfortunately, can’t do that

He does everything in his power to find out and execute what he can do!

If you thought John was a walking medical textbook, child you ain’t seen nothing yet

Of course, no one wants a robot walking around, giving them orders and medicine on their period

So after a while you snap and tell him to knock it off

Of course later you explain that it’s not that you don’t appreciate that he’s trying care for you, it’s just you wish he could be a little less... apathetic?

Once he’s licked his wounds, he’d understand

Although, he does still want to know how he can best care for you through all this!

Whatever your preferred method is, Paul would follow it to the letter!

But not to worry, now he’s sure to throw in a human touch too

Like, making sure to tell you how beautiful you look

Or giving you a massage (if you’re ok with it!) to help with the pain

On a final note, he, like John, also has no problem going to the store to get you pads or tampons lol

Unlike John, he thankfully does not ask you what size pussy you wear, lmao

Ringo

Alright this is like so random, and maybe even a little weird, but bare with me

So you know how like really sensitive or empathetic people can like basically absorb other peoples vibes?

And then the empath ends up showcasing those same emotions bc they can’t let go??

Ok, so please tell me why I feel like Ringo would mirror your mood swings aihfwiofhoiwfh

Like sympathy PMS or something lmao

(Btw this is a real thing apparently, I looked it up first. Go figure, huh?)

You both are aware that he does this, and so now you both hate that time of the month lmaooo

If you’re like the type that gets a lot of angry mood swings, it can be hell on earth

But if you’re more the type that gets sad and cries a lot, then it’s not soooo bad

Well, for you that is

Nothing feels better then having a crying buddy to let it all out together with after all!

And regardless, it is nice to have someone who actually does kinda understand what you’re going through

Ringo is there for you of course, but although he’d never tell you, he hates that this is a thing for him

He’s not upset with you ofc, it’s just that... well, you know...

He can’t just drop it when he leaves the house, meaning he’s teased incessantly by the lads until he can trade your vibes for theirs

He’s cried in front of them/viciously snapped at them because of it several times lol

[mariaiscrafting]

You know, what think I like when you are critical of a content creator is that you know how to separate a fact from especulation, unlike a blog out there that took especulation as facts.

Example, that night when we were critical of Karl, or any instance you have discussed about him, a lot of anons were saying that he gave them clout chaser vibes to them, and despite your opinion, you expressed that those were only especulation and not the truth, and to keep that in mind. That's good critical thinking.

But this blog had some similar anons, saying that he only is friends with the Feral Boys gro clout- In fact, they said the Feral Boys were only in it to benefit from clout and money. And they took it as a truth. I know you instance on them is neutral, but come one, they are friends. All of them. Karl isn't friends with them for clout. Like today Karl was playing golf with salad gang plus Sapnap and George at first and then Quackity and Dream joined bc they had spared time and it all devolved into typical chaos (Poor Corpse and Tina and Brook, had to endure those children lol/lh /j). Like, the stream wasn't planned with the 5/5 yet they joined, missing Karl and just having fun.

Idk, I guess that blog's superiority (They were a SBI focused blog) just irritated me. It's as if they were putting both groups at each other as if those streamers aren't friends or close. They were singing prayers of one while shunning the other based from especulation. Criticissism is fine, in fact recommended to be critical of your interests, but taking rumors as facts to base your crit is yikes. It's as if I wanted to crit SBI and base it only of "Philza hanging only with people younger than him is kinda weird ngl.." or "Sbi doesn't care about Tommy cuz he joined late" like that dumb Tumblr post did or some fuckers in Twitter imply.

The main reason I take so much care to separate speculation from evidence-backed theories and confirmed truths is because I feel like that separation is what distinguishes us from mcyttwt the most. One of the main reasons for mcyttwt's toxicity, imo - for its relentless cancelling of everyone, for its bandwagon campaigns - is that people oftentimes criticize and defend based on their personal feelings rather than rationale or evidence.

For example, I complain a lot about Dream stans on here, but you know the reason I didn't stop watching Dream directly after the cheating scandal broke loose, even though I thought he cheated? Because of mcytblr Dream stans. Mcytblr Dream stans engaged with me in discussion, both publicly and in DMs, about the cheating scandal, and even those who eventually came to the conclusion that Dream didn't cheat accepted the facts and statistics they were given and kept a healthy skepticism throughout the process. On Twitter, Dream stans were defending him before he even made a video following up to the mods' initial accusations because they felt that Dream wasn't the kind of guy to lie or cheat. They were replying to screenshots of statistical analyses from subreddits and to articles from mathematicians and staticians with extremely reactionary responses because of that feeling, which they believed in so adamantly, they had accepted it as fact. The thing is, to believe that Dream didn't cheat in the face of all the statistical and rhetorical evidence to the contrary is, in itself, speculative. Usually we think of speculation as a baseless theory that something is a positive truth- that is to say, that something did happen. But speculation also applies to those theories of someone not having done something, when the opposite has been nearly proven to be true.

For this same reason, I chose not to ignore the anti-technotwt threads with screenshots of Techno's old tweets in them. For me to have simply ignored these screenshots and continued supposing that Techno never expressed bigoted beliefs and/or currently doesn't would have been speculative on my part, and to boot, blatantly wrong, given the evidence to the contrary.

People in this fandom, and in all RPF/RPF-adjacent fandoms need to understand that almost everything they believe about the CCs they watch is speculative, at least to some extent, because of the nature of the content they make. Even if someone, in your opinion, displays evidence of some aspect of their personality - whether that be some form of bigoted, sweet, rude, clout-chasing, or anything else - because of the extremely one-sided nature of sharing one's life through a screen, that theory of ours will almost alwyas only ever be speculation, not a solid conclusion that can be drawn. We will never know these people's true intentions behind something shared to us via the Internet.

That vagueness leads to virtually every viewer creating a different theory in our heads about the CCs we watch, and we can't treat those theories as facts, especially not when sharing them with the rest of a fandom. I'm not a very big blog, but I consider even over 50 followers to be way too many people to spread a theory too, without at least clarifying that what I'm posting is speculation. If I have evidence, I like to list it or, if I can, provide sources; but otherwise, I take care to qualify most things with phrases or disclaimers that will clue followers into the speculative nature of whatever it is I'm saying. This is because theories and "feelings" can blaze through a fandom like wildfire, especially somewhere like Twitter, where so many things are word-of-mouth or based on summary due to character limitation.

You know why mcyttwt was cancelling Andi? Only a handful of original Tweeters under the cancel Andi hashtags actually knew what clips or tweets to criticize her for, or tried to elaborate on that criticism. But because every other mcyttwt user was getting bombarded by their mutuals hate-posting about Andi on their TLs, the "negative feeling" towards Andi grew and grew, even if most people didn't even know what they were supposed to feel negative about, exactly. Our judgement works on a quick trigger on the Internet because of the amount of information we're receiving, and so, even a single bad word against someone you don't have too strong of an opinion on can fundamentally alter your perception of them, usually subconsciously. If the first thing you see about Andi, who you've only seen on a couple LOH's or a couple Punz streams before then, is a tweet along the lines of, "disappointed in Andi for her homophobia and joking about suicide," despite you having no context, you will most likely be pushed to the negative side of her. Thus begins the cycle of hatred, building up and up, leading to you searching for more and more criticism about Andi, whether speculative or not, until you solidly and genuinely believe she is a Horrible Person. It all starts with the vaguest fucking feeling, because that's all speculation has to go off of, and it snowballs into a fucking wildfire across an entire fandom. I'm not about to be another person to let feelings snowball and spread like that.

Now, I don't know what exact blog you're referring to, but as an adamant SBI enthusiast, let me flip the argument many SBI stans have for their speculation upon the genuity of Karl's friendship with the Feral Bois, onto SBI. What do we have to go off of for the genuity of SBI's friendship, anyways? Our perceived brother dynamic between Tommy and Wilbur could very well just be Tommy capitalizing on Wilbur's brand and continuing the charade until now because it's been profitable. Maybe Techno only continues to associate with SBI because he knows how much his fanbase likes headcanon'ing about SBI, so he puts up with streams with them so he can continue to feed his fanbase with dynamics he knows they're obsessed with. Maybe Phil would rather play MC with people his age, and actually dislikes that he's friends with a teenager, but sticks around because he profitted so much off of Dream SMP and SBI-related content. And what could any SBI stan have to argue with me on any of these theories? Just because SBI laughs around each other and seems fond of each other doesn't mean they're actually like that behind the cameras. They so seldomly stream or make videos together anymore, anyways, so maybe they've grown tired of keeping up the dynamic.

Everything I said could be interpreted as utter bullshit, and that's because it fucking is. I don't actually know what Techno wants to do with his life, or how Wilbur and Tommy actually feel about each other, or who Phil wants to fucking befriend. The same goes for Feral Boys. There's nothing wrong with stating your theories or speculation, but to treat them as fact or not at least qualify such posts with the fact that this is all based on your bias and opinion, and no substantive evidence, is irresponsible. Just because you feel like one or more of the Feral Boys is "clout-chasing" doesn't mean you have the right to tout that feeling as truth. I feel a lot of things about a lot of CCs, both negative and positive, but no matter how strong my feelings, unless they have substantive evidence backing them up, I have no right to treat them as facts with my followers.

[cultofbeatles]

parts of pattie boyd’s book wonderful tonight that involved george that stuck out to me:

pattie didn't have any of the beatles records at first and only bought please please me since she was going to be in their film 

“on first impressions, john seemed more cynical and brash than the others, ringo the most endearing, paul was cute, and george, with velvet brown eyes and dark chestnut hair, was the best looking man i’d ever seen.”

during a lunch break pattie and george sat next to each other and were both very shy 

george asked pattie “will you marry me?” and after she laughed he said, “well, if you won't marry me, will you have dinner with me tonight?” and she turned him down.

she deadass invited george to hang out with her and her boyfriend at the time.

pattie and george are both pisces.

once reshoots for the film were happening george asked pattie about her boyfriend, she said she had dumped him, and george once again asked her for dinner. she accepted this time.

brian epstein joined them for their first date.

they sat side by side and were too scared to even hold the others hand.

george got along great with pattie’s family.

pattie liked cynthia lennon but found her difficult to make friends with. 

“she wasn't like my friends, who enjoyed a giggle and some fun: she was rather serious, and often, i thought, behaved more like john’s mother than wife.”

there was a rumor that john and pattie were having an affair and pattie worried cynthia believed it. it wasn't true.

maureen cox (ringo’s girlfriend) was another beatles girl that pattie had a hard time being friends with. but said that she was “jolly and friendly, more relaxed than cynthia.”

pattie got along best with jane asher but saw her the least.

“i felt there was definitely a north-south divide among the wives and girlfriends. and i had the definite impressions that the girls from the north (maureen and cynthia) felt they has a prior clam to the boys.” okay shade, we see you. 

(talking about going on holiday with john, cynthia, and george) “it was a good way to split the group. john and paul were the closest in some ways and immensely creative together, but they clashed if they were in each other’s pockets for too long.”

george asked pattie to cut his hair while on holiday and one of the cleaners found his hair and kept it. 

(talking about george) “he was so beautiful and so funny.”

once a “weird looking man” tried to force his way into pattie and george’s house. pattie thought he was either a salesman or a jehovahs witness. it turns out it was paul in disguise. 

george said the only place he got peace was in the bathroom of his hotel suite.

pattie got a lot of letters saying that if she didn't leave george there would be a curse put on her.

 pattie’s cleaner was a male ballet dancer and “a terrific duster.”

pattie would count the days till george came back. once he jumped into the bed early in the morning to wake her up. 

those two would deadass not lock their doors and were surprised that clothes were going missing...what is with older generations and not locking their doors i -

george would be in the studio from 11 am - 11 pm. sometimes midnight. 

george’s mom loved when john would visit and would always ask him for an “upper.”

when john lennon is your drug dealer.

pattie wasn't a good cook but was optimistic.

“i loved listening to him (play guitar), loved the sound of the guitar in the house. sometimes i would start to talk and he'd be so deep in thought about the lyrics or the melody he was writing that he wouldn't answer. we’d be the same room but he wasn't really with me: he was in his head.”

pattie developed a kidney disorder.

(talking about the beatles dynamic) “in many aspects they were still children. they had few real friends apart from each other, and when they were asked questions they could answer as one - they were so much on each other’s wavelength. if one went to a gallery opening, they all went; if one bought a new car or new house, they all did. if one seemed in danger of taking himself too seriously, the others knocked it out of him.”

one evening george stopped the car and said, “let’s get married. i'll speak to brian.” they went to brian’s house, george went inside, and when he came back in the car he said, “brian says it’s okay. will you marry me? we can get married in january.”

briannnnnnn, is it my turn to get married yet pleaseeeee

pattie invited her absent father to their wedding but he did not come.

at the train station everyone left cynthia behind as she was carrying the suitcases and john was carrying nothing. peter brown had to go back and get her. 

pattie’s quote from the lsd in the coffee moment is hilarious to me. “you've just had lsd. it was in the coffee.” john lennon: “how dare you fucking do this to us?”

pattie and george didn't go to brian’s funeral in liverpool but george sent one single sunflower.

pattie stopped modeling because george didnt like it. and she felt like she lost a part of herself.

maureen was afraid of flies.

during the India trip, mia farrow told john that maharishi was inappropriate with her and john wanted everyone leave after that.

after India george and pattie’s relationship changed.

(talking about george) “some days he would be all right, but on others he seemed withdrawn and depressed. this was new: he had never been depressed before, but there was nothing i could do. it wasn't about me, but i found that my moods started to mirror his...so bad indeed, that at times i felt almost suicidal. i don't think i was ever in any real danger of killing myself, but i got as far as working out how i would do it: i would put on a diaphanous ossie clark dress and jump off beachy head.”

george became more obvious about his cheating. it hurt pattie.

george was gaslighting her.

cilla black was staying at george and pattie’s house and was uncomfortably close to george so pattie left. six days latter george called to tell her the girl was gone and she could come home.

“..but my ego was too fragile and i couldn't see it as anything other than betrayal. i felt unloved and miserable.”

“jane asher came home unexpectedly from new york and found another woman in the house, an american girl - and did what i should probably have done with george...”

george would start to talk about his feelings about paul or john but would stop bc he never wanted to admit that he felt left out. 

“we had once been so close, so honest and open with each other. now a distance had developed between us..”

(about yoko contributing to the beatles break up) “the four had never allowed anyone into the recording studios with them, but yoko not only sat by john throughout every session, he consulted her about the music they were making, which upset paul.”

during the let it be sessions there was a time with george and paul got in a fist fight and george left.

the same day john told George he was leaving the beatles, george’s mom told him she was ill and in critical condition.

i love that she vibe checked george. “he was bringing home bad vibes.”

george continued cheating and they continued arguing.

“my diary is full of entries about my unhappiness and the disintegration of our relationship.”

john came to visit george and pattie’s new mansion and said that it was so dark he didn't know how they could live in it, and george recommended that he took of his sunglasses.

eric clapton being a piece of shit and saying “if you won't be with me pattie i will become addicted to heroin.”

pattie said the only thing she had left was cooking and george took that away.

the couple was suppose to go on holiday together but george cancelled last minute bc he didn't want to go with her. he ended up going to spain.

“when i challenged him, he denied it and tried once again to make me feel as though i was paranoid.”

i'm not even...the whole fucking story of the george and maureen affair PISSES ME OFF more than i can describe. maybe i’ll make a whole other post but omfg i'm fuming. fuck them bothhhh. they deserve no rights.

george harrison, mere days before their wedding anniversary: “let’s get a divorce this year.” what an amazing new years resolution jerk.

ringo offered pattie a job.

when george told ringo about the affair pattie was so mad she dyed her hair red. 

george loved pattie’s little brother and was his role model but he wouldn't come to the man’s wedding even though he was invited.

the night pattie told george she was leaving him george came to bed in sadness and said, “don't go.”

“i'm going.”

george invited pattie to dhani’s eighteenth birthday party bc she “had to be there. she was family.”

george had become more of an older brother to her now.

pattie had learned about john’s death from eric clapton and immediately went to the beatles office in london to hang out with everyone there.

(after finding out about george’s death) “i couldn't bare the thought of a world without george. when i left him for eric, he had said that if things didn't work out, ever, i could always come to him and he would look after me. it was such a selfless, loving, generous thing to say and it had always been tucked away at the back of my mind. now that sense of security had gone.”

the last time they saw each other was when george called saying he wanted to visit her new cottage and see her.

pattie didn't go to his funeral nor did she go to the memorial concert that took place a year later. but she spent that day high on the mountains thinking of george. “i was happy to mourn him alone and in my own way.”

she would have dreams of george after his death. “oh george, it’s so wonderful that you are alive after all, this is so fabulous; i knew they had all made a mistake.”

and then she’d wake up.

[lesbiancolumbo]

i don't know the context behind those gifs! can you tell me?

so - apologies up front for any dolan fans in the house because the reason this is so funny/satisfying to me is because i find him to be an insufferable person, a bad actor and an even worse filmmaker (mommy innocent) (also all of these things are relevant! i’m only slightly being shitty! 😘)

i guess the place to start here is not at the moment the gif takes place, the cannes 2016 award ceremony, but the year prior. so at cannes 2015, dolan is on the jury and they give the grand prix award (for non cannes enthusiasts, this is essentially the second prize) to a film called son of saul, directed by laszlo nemes. the next year nemes is on the jury and dolan is competing in the main competition at cannes with his film it’s only the end of the world.

cannes 2016 main competition was..... a really interesting one, imo. you had films like american honey, the handmaiden, the neon demon, elle, sean penn’s movie.... anyways really early in the competition a clear Favorite emerges: toni erdmann, a german film by maren ade. i actually re-researched the coverage for that year and it received THE HIGHEST critics score on the screen daily jury grid (which averages all critic scores) at a 3.7 out of 4. this was a pretty big deal since that’s a fucking high score. i don’t know if you know this about cannes, but critics there loooooove to boo movies. (what did dolan’s film score? glad you asked, more on that in a minute)

another thing about cannes awards is that they’re notoriously really hard to pin down depending on who’s on the jury and who the jury president is. sometimes they award the most baffling things - the cannes jury can be so troll-y sometimes, it’s really funny and why i come back year after year to track coverage and guess the award winners. sometimes a jury member can absolutely hate a film and it’ll still get an award bc majority votes (the president has the most pull, though). 

okay so. back to the awards ceremony. so the thing about the ceremony is that the jury members all sit on the stage while the winners accept the award, it’s funny and awkward, the whole vibe is just off and i love it. i watch the livestream every year if i can. so they’re giving out the awards and nothing too weird, it’s pretty standard, and then they get to the grand prix.

guess who’s name they call. yup.

you could feel the confusion in the room. the critics were baffled. a lot of people were. it’s only the end of the world’s jury panel rating? a one point four. it was panned more than the neon demon. generally understood to be a festival flop.

(fwiw, and this is just speculation but i strongly suspect nemes had a pull in returning the favor for last year’s award and i remember him basically hinting as such 🥴)

anyways dolan stands up and starts going off into this annoying speech. he sounds like he’s about to cry but he’s not actually crying. like i want to be very clear. i watched the livestream. the gif caption always says [crying] but he was fucking FAKE CRYING. (bad actor <3)

and then we cut to jury member mads mikkelsen giving him THAT LOOK, expressing everything i was yelling at my laptop, and just....... the catharsis we all felt that day. unparalleled. you truly had to be there. so yeah. it was generally understood to be a completely off choice for a win, fixed with the support of a few key jury members, and mikkelsen’s face confirms it in my mind.

anyways, that’s why it’s funny to ME. it was a really buckwild year at the festival and i was just happy this moment lives in infamy. 

(and by the way, they didn’t give toni erdmann ANYTHING because apparently the jury president, george miller, did not like it so much he wouldn’t consider it, and i do hold a grudge against him for this) (the moral of this story is fuck dolan and watch toni erdmann, one of the funniest and most beautiful films of all time).