#gets to learn how I really characterize them beyond the facade

[candyunicornsateme]

Anyone ever just think of random fucking dialogue and jokes and random shit between characters?? The amount of goofy ass otp banters and shit I have drafted is embarrassing. What am I going to do with that?? Make them comics or fics??? Bitch. 

[isa-ah]

EXACTLY

Like adore Tulin but what I loved about BOTW was we had two groups of champions: the ones from the past Link has to remember, and the unofficial new ones you have to bond with in this new Hyrule to get the job done ( Teba, Sidon, Riju, and Yunobo) and it was a neat way to present 2 storylines in a single go while letting the player learn about Hyrule at the same time Link is. We're both discovering and rebuilding but TOTK plowed over everything, making some new older "champions" that remains literally FACELESS because the onus is supposed to be on the people you connected with previously (and though I adored the wind temple, I hate that Teba got pushed to the side in favor of Tulin. He was a counterpart to Revali and we don't get to explore that enough as it is...)

teba is one of the parts of botw that really bothered me LOL all of the other champions have in depth memories and plotlines and characterization and arcs and then you get to tabantha and teba just goes ugh. fine. lets go. and then leaves as soon as you get up there and thats it! thats his whole plotline. he has next to no lines, characterization, or relevance beyond helping you breech vah medoh. and even MORESO in totk where he just goes hey go find tulin. and thats IT LOL

the ancient sages having 0 personality or relevance, especially when it comes to their individual awakening cutscenes, is SO confusing to me. why are they all reading the same script? why are all of the cutscenes identical? is there no culture or perspective you can offer? you experienced the battle the exact same way across the board? why even show them? they dont interact with zelda beyond being asked to put their bodies on the line. they have no narrative weight. they show up and die and thats.. it. why were they even there

but i honestly feel that way about the entire past segment of the plot. idk how into zeldatube you were in the years after breath of the wild, but the zonai got picked up as a topic a few years after botw came out and went through a huge burst of content and theories that went on so long it became an in-joke to mention them- or their characteristic swirls and architecture- and back around to being an earnest exploration of their vague presence in botw... to. that.

they were characterized first and foremost as an exploration of how ruins of a "mysterious tribe" would have worshipped the triforce. secondarily, if we are to believe the barbarians armor was zonai in origin, theyre identified as a "warlike tribe". thats what we have. their architecture is HEAVILY influenced by birds / dragons / boars for the triforce iconography, and they fought their way across hyrule (leaving ruins all over the place).

but in tears of the kingdom, what thorough line do they have? at all? their architecture is COMPLETELY different. they never once mention the triforce. they were seemingly an a-religious tribe that deified their ruler more than any goddesses or golden power. theyre shown to be puritanical largely passive figures, "inherently good."

its at complete odds with everything we knew about them. and its not ever broached. they dont talk about their culture at ALL. the snippets we get are erroneous. the youth partook in tests of courage. the temple of time exists. all of the zonai are dead or left. they can draconify with their stones of power. and thats... it. really.

there are the labyrinths- iirc they were headed by the lord of boars, dragons and? owls? and thats really it. they utilize the same uruborus statues and constructs, but seem like a completely different (and much more familiar) flavor than rauru or mineru. but.. to what end? (and why.. are the labyrinth rewards... meta callback armor???)

why even use the facade of building upon the zonai if youre not using anything established or establishing anything new LOL bizarre use of resources honestly

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

Speaking of which, how do you characterize the Pregame bois?

I have a document on this

No one is surprised

I have playlists on them

still no one is surprised

They are named Koharu and Shinichi, you may recognize Koharu because thanks to a convoluted series of event he kinda evolved from pregame kokichi to his own original character so I've been kinda tempted to change pregame kokichis name to something else.

I'll put their information under a cut because im too lazy to turn this out of a list into a paragraph form

Kokichi - Koharu

God complex

Believes himself to be the only real person

Wants to be prime minister

Incredibly dangerous manipulator and near perfect liar

Dresses softly and acts weak and shy to make people trust him

Has his entire school under his command with a puppet king in the student council

Knows everything about everyone, no one moves without him knowing about it.

Views the people around him as toys for him to play with or tools to use

No desire for a relationship as he doesnt think anyone could ever even get close to matching him, so any relationship he did take would be uneven and just for appearances.

Parents died at a very young age so he grew up in a rough orphanage where he learned to never trust anyone or anything

Craves challenge and interesting experiences but no one can adequately challenge him so he’s bored

Doesn’t have many social skills outside of manipulation and as such struggles with emotions, whether it be his own or other people’s, even if he hides it pretty well

No hesitation to ruin lives to get what he wants.

Occasionally has secret breakdowns about being alone and stressed but he represses those and pretends it didn’t have them

Loathes people who hurt animals, views them as the lowest scum. Humans are worthless but animals are soft and loyal. Eating meat is one thing, he doesn’t care about that because that’s just life, but if he catches you throwing a rock at a cat or something, your life is over.

Uses bullies to manipulate people by seeming in need of help or pitiable

Feels like he’s never truly seen, he crushes that down as useless observation, he doesn’t want anyone to see the real him, it’d ruin everything.

Monaca is his favorite character and idol, his facade is based on her “pitiable children are the most powerful” philosophy.

Doesn’t make friends as he finds other people to be annoying and unfulfilling, they all seem very shallow and boring for anything beyond use as a toy or tool. No one would like him if it wasn’t for his facade anyways, its all just superficial tolerance. No one actually wants something that actually goes both ways, everyone just wants a shoulder to cry on, no care about the shoulder itself as long as it’s comforting them. So he’ll give them that, it’s easier.

Tries not to doubt himself but does have a rare moment of crippling uncertainty and wondering why he even tries, no one actually appreciates him anyways and he’s so bored and alone, why does he try?

Acts weak and soft and sad and teary and skittish but it's all a lie to both protect himself and gain power

Joined the game to prove his superiority by ending the world’s so beloved game and also become a celebrity. It’s one of many steps in his very long and detailed plan for world domination. Besides the game had long since grown old and stale and predictable

Shuichi - Shinichi

Manic

Self esteem constantly shifting between highs and lows

Yearning for positive contact and romance and also sex

Shockingly self aware of what a mess he is 

Protective of the few people who tolerate him or he likes

Sexual and Violent intrusive thoughts

Resentful but tired

Enjoys really dark subjects

Devoted

Really bad at social cues and knowing whats normal or not

Masochistic and Sadistic

Actually really really good at solving mysteries but easily distracted and easily derailed from his conclusions

Wants to fix himself but a lack of support along with society’s apathy means he’s kinda been left floundering.

Ignores things that make him feel shitty to focus on positives

Parents encourage him to be more assertive and tough, this does NOT help his intrusive thoughts

Honestly just desperate for love and affection, he’d never actually hurt someone for it, but man, sometimes he really wants to.

Smokes to try and keep his chill

Can’t casually get into anything, is either 100% in or 0% in

Reads and writes a lot of fanfiction, actually somewhat a big name for his really well done characterization of more violent or manic characters.

Met Koharu once and saw through him immediately, they never met again after that but he really freaked out Koharu and is honestly lucky he went to a different school.

Danganronpa is his favorite show because it lets him safely indulge in his twisted desires and feels rather cathartic. Plus he loves the mysteries! Joining and finally killing someone for real should be the ultimate catharsis and finally put an end to this sickness in his head....right?

[saintobio]

Ai, you’re writing is honestly so amazing. the descriptions are so vivid and enjoying to think about and your characterization of everyone is top tier. and as usual, this was yet another great chapter! and sorry this might be long bc I’m writing as I think but here I go...

“Seeing the intense atmosphere in the Gojou household allowed you to compare them with the lively ambience with the Zen’in family. The stark difference was notable, and you felt bad that you enjoyed the latter’s company more than the ones you called your family.”

with this part and everything else, the way you write is honestly so beautifully woven together likeee the juxtaposition between toji and gojo, as well as their families! with the gojou’s i feel like the only light of Satoru’s family currently is nana and yuta, then ig before, it was Satoru and his mom. with the zen’ins, the atmosphere at their estate is so welcoming/inviting and they all can easily joke around as a family should. it seems like the gojou family is broken beyond repair ever since satoru’s mother left and they only ever display their homelines when it’s convenient and that’s in the public eye but even then, i’m sure if ppl actually looked hard enough and paid attention they’d see that it’s really just a facade. you can also see how much less at ease y/n is with them as compared to toji’s family and why do I feel like his step mother knows something more?

i remember you answered in one of your asks that some parts of SN are inspired from a few kdrama’s including, Love (ft Marriage & Divorce) and after reading this—Satoru’s father lowered his fork and took a sip from his wine. “I had a conception dream, you know,” he revealed with enthusiasm. “That could be a sign that a grandchild is coming along soon.”— it instantly made me think of a scene in the first episode where one of the character’s in laws called her bc I think her husband’s dad had a conception dream as well and even though I watched only a little bit, from what I saw, it turns her husband actually did get someone else pregnant bc he made a phone call and while he was at work, he was looking up pregnancy related things soo now I’m thinking you may have inspired this scene from that...could be a stretch though

on top of that, the last couple of chapters have been hinting at a possible pregnancy for sera, and now seeing what I mentioned before as well as this— “They were talking intimately like any normal couple would although it looked like their conversation wasn’t a happy one. You didn’t miss the arm that was locked around her waist and the hand that rested on her belly as they conversed.” —i feel like satoru and sera might’ve been continuing the previous conversation they were having during the last chapter about her taking plan b and yk, she probably put his hand there herself cause I wouldn’t put it past her.. if sera actually ends up pregnant, she’d probably look at that as a upper hand and win over y/n bc remember she said: “Just know that if I ended up having his kid…” she paused before she shifted on her feet to take her leave, “…I’d end up having him, too.” in chapter 8 and she clearly doesn’t wanna let him go out of her own selfishness. just like toji said, being a mistress really isn’t attractive and as usual, sera should be the last person calling y/n wicked/scoffing in disgust, like may i remind you that you’re messing with a married man and started to let your bitterness dictate the way you act towards his wife? i’m hoping that maybe she learns to eventually take accountability and change bc this situation isn’t necessarily ideal for anyone involved, and as much as I don’t like her, i’ve realized that she’s not necessarily a bad person... her actions are a product of her circumstances due to growing up poor, however, she could’ve done a number of things differently especially since she knew what she was getting into when gojo announced that he’d be getting married.

“You think this is funny?” your husband questioned you, derisively. Although he did release Toji’s wrist, his stare on you didn’t leave. He was hurt, you could tell that he was hurting inside. “I get that you’re mad at me, but you didn’t have to take it this far. Why can’t we just spend the whole day together by ourselves like a normal married couple? Why can’t you let me fix my mistakes while I live in regret? I’m trying my best, Y/N.”

He clenched his jaws and lost it. “But I want you!”

After a heavy sigh, you heard Satoru speak to you one last time. “I’ll talk to you at home.” He disappeared from your sight in a desperate attempt to run after his mistress, who was and always would be his first choice.

satoru makes it so easy to love and hate him at the same time. like with him talking to gen for advice,asking y/n to play the car game, and asking her out on the date... we love the small effort but then bc he’s an idiot, everything he does afterwards overshadows his little efforts. it’s like he aware of the things that he needs to do in order to fix things with y/n but the only reason he’s holding back is bc of sera and his pride. i think he subconsciously knows that y/n is the better choice for him bc up until now, she’s put up with him despite all his neglect and infidelity, and she seems to understand him a lot more emotionally than sera ever could. I think it’s extremely selfish of him to say that he wants y/n especially with sera still in the picture. like your words say one thing but you’re actions say something completely different. if you really want to make things right with y/n maybe get rid of the one person, among many other factors, that’s leading her to now want to protect her heart from you? if you really want to make things right, maybe you shouldn’t have just ran after your mistress bc of her sorry tears yet again. like he has the audacity to be a hypocrite once y/n and toji make him jealous while not even a few seconds ago his mistress was chilling on his lap and even before that clinging onto him like a leech. he needs to realize that he can’t have his cake and eat it too, did I use that correctly? as long as sera is still in the picture, y/n is going to continue to protect her heart, now literally, from him and that’s the reality. he needs to try harder and be more attentive to her and only her. he’s already basically on the brink of losing her now imagine if sera actually does end up pregnant, y/n is gone for good and I remember seeing in her pov in one of the previous chapters stating that a potentially pregnancy from sera would be the thing that would ultimately lead her to leave so now all we have to do is wait and see.

and now I’m finally done. I hope you’re doing well and that you get enough rest, bc I think you said you got 2 hrs after writing this chapter 😭 and also have a good night/day depending on when you receive this, take care!

-🦢

this analysis is very detailed and well-written, i have to praise you for paying attention to the smaller details bc that’s amazing 🥺 <33 it’s such a great feeling to be able to read messages like these so thank you very much for sharing ur thoughts !!

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

I am. SO. frustrated. that they keep fucking up davekat. like I just wanna go off. just wanna go the fuck off, man, I didn't even ship them that hard at first but god damn I do now and it's pretty much because the epilogues and HS2 have fucked them up so bad and I know they are better than that. let me just.

okay so originally, davekat is built on themes of mutual defensiveness in response to insecurity. when Dave is first introduced, he portrays himself as a cool guy, and gives us the concept of Strider irony. where a normal person might claim to love something shitty as an ironic joke, or maybe the ironic joke masks sincere enjoyment... Strider irony, according to Dave, has a billion more levels of sincerity and insincerity, to the point where you have no idea what the real intent is. in part, this is due to teen pretentiousness... but in some ways this is a reflection of him genuinely finding his Bro unfathomable, and wanting to protect his own genuine thoughts, opinions, and interests from criticism, without actually coming off as insecure. as time goes by, you can watch him and figure out what is sincere and what isn't... he doesn't actually keep that tight of a lid on things, but that's partially because the game allows him more freedom than he usually has. he at least isn't living in his Bro's shadow anymore. some might extrapolate this to mean that he's experiencing more physical and mental security than usual, while others might just say he's coming into his own via this journey, but the fact of the matter is that he felt the need to hide behind this facade in the first place. and the tricky thing with Dave is that it isn't all fake. it's a weird mixture of who he is, who he wants to be, and what he thinks others will respond well to. his development isn't so much discarding the mask, as it is reconciling what it's made of, and incorporating it into his true self as he matures. he accepts it as a piece of him. it's very subtle, and natural, and true to what growing up is really like. I think this is why so many people like Dave and relate to him so much.

for Karkat, insecurity manifests in the form of being hyper critical of everyone around him. to be honest, this also comes from a deep sense of concern for the people around him, and the fact that his friend group is made of a bunch of loose canons who do destructive shit for fun, and people who are easily dragged into that sort of thing. but the thing that keeps Karkat's hyper critical nature from irritating people too much is that he's also super extra critical of himself. he admits it when he's done something wrong... though admittedly often after it's made people angry at him, and he has a good amount of very sincere apologies that he delivers so that they come off as very sincere and actually work in terms of reconciling with people. Karkat's biggest issue is that criticizing your own internal flaws and actually fixing them are two different things. and while Karkat can identify many problems with himself, he's not always the best at making them go away. it takes him a long time to learn how to change himself, because in order to change yourself, you have to accept the flawed parts of yourself and work with them, rather than just trying to push them out of your sight. this is why his anger at his past and future selves is ultimately unhealthy. it keeps him from truly addressing the fact that his current self is just as subject to those same flaws. for example, if he's talking to a past self and a future self, and his future self is condescending to him, and his past self is naive, then his present self is both of those things to his conversation partners. but he's so repulsed by his own negative attributes that he's not really dealing with them. his saving grace is that everyone can see how hard he's trying, and how worried and scared he is. ultimately, Karkat doesn't want to be the reason for screwing everyone over, and that's more concern for others than anyone ever asked for. it gains Karkat a lot of good will, without him necessarily even realizing what he's doing.

what's excellent about davekat is that they come out the gate fully critical of one another... but neither is willing to back down either. somehow, these two insecure idiots trick each other into defending themselves. and it's brilliant, because they get all their critical bullshit out of the way immediately. they don't fear criticism from one another. they already criticize one another all the time, and it's fine. like, their worst complaints about each other are right out there in the open, and how freeing must that be for a couple of guys who worry about other people's opinions of them so much? Dave has nothing to hide and nothing to prove. Karkat defends his own positive qualities. it's good for them. eventually, they just kind of run out of material... and there's something comforting about knowing that they've said every bad thing they can think of about each other, and none of it was a deal breaker. they're still in each other's business constantly. and that's when they start to learn from each other. see, Karkat is really blunt. he wanders into the thick of things, yelling at people and making mistakes all over the place... and Dave is just more cautious than that. his whole cool guy persona is made to keep that kind of raw emotion from leaking out, and to make every mistake seem like he meant to do that. but Karkat makes mistakes all the time. and apologizes all the time. and he comes out okay. Karkat is sincere. but Karkat is also high strung... and Dave isn't. Dave knows how to chill, and he plans things, and he can sit down with people and calmly talk through a plan. get it in simple terms and hash things out without panicking. Karkat often exhausts himself trying to run around and manage everything, and while it can be kind of endearing to see how much he cares... it's not exactly healthy. Dave has more of a level head, beyond just his cool kid persona, and isn't afraid to make people walk things back and take it from the top. and actually, what Dave and Karkat have in common is that they try really hard for the people around them, and feel great concern for the people they love. when the chips are down, they value similar things. and once they've run out of ineffectual ways to badmouth each other, that's what they have left. probably the thing that bugs them the most about each other is how much they actually have in common in terms of priorities. and while I do think that in their relationship, they'll probably always bicker with each other, that's the core foundation. they're caring people who look out for their group and try to help wherever they can. in essence... they're both knights through and through.

and then HS2 fucks it all up. legit why even confuse anything about their relationship? just let them uncontroversially date, keep it lowkey and tasteful, realize the wonderful potential of their friends razzing them about it a little, and write a better story for them to exist in. god damn. like, seriously, just give them more people to actually care about, because Dave and Karkat feel out of character if they aren't constantly in the lives of a plethora of friends who are important to them. look at them in homestuck. look at everything they do best. of course they wouldn't thrive in HS2, none of the cast even likes each other anymore!! Dave and Karkat were basically instrumental in setting up rosemary, which fits so well with all of their characterization its insane. I just want everyone to periodically go back, and reread homestuck, and remember when these characters were good people.

BASED WENDELL COMING IN WITH THEIR ANALYSIS BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK THE HS2 WRITERS SHIT OUT 

[random-french-girl]

Hi! I read your analysis on leatin dynamics and I realized I do not understand Fatin’s depth, like, what is she even afraid of? What does she want? It seems that out of the girls she is the one who has no apparent fears or desires beyond sexuality and fame. It’s the piece missing for me to fully ship leatin hardcore because it’s like… they are so different you know? I would love to read your comments

Hi Anon! Thanks for the question! I’m always happy to talk about Fatin Jadmani, my beloved child. Not sure if you’re asking about her characterization in the show, or how it specifically relates to my love of the leatin dynamic, so I’ll try to answer both AND keep in short.

So, Fatin. The traits that you point out - sexuality, fame, and, I would add, wealth and physical appearance - are all true and important to Fatin’s characterization. But, like everything else we learn of the girls in their introductions, they are pretty surface-level, they are not what really matters to them, what they’re struggling with - or at least, not only. Sex and wealth and looks definitely matter to Fatin, to a certain extent, but they aren’t problems to fix - there’s nothing to figure out about these desires, nothing the show tells us needs to be challenged (at least not yet). 

But I thought her episode made it clear what she’s struggling with: Fatin is a cello prodigy, and under a lot of parental pressure, even though she’s not even sure that’s who she wants to be. She uses partying and casual sex as a way to decompress, and doesn’t form deep connections, romantic or platonic. She’s also a teenage girl who learns some shocking truths about her father, reacts inappropriately, and ends up losing not only her close relationship to her dad, but her entire family. 

So what is that Fatin fears? Loneliness and betrayal. After her father betrays her trust, after her mom betrays her too by taking his side, I think she realizes how tremendously lonely she is, and was, but also how badly people you love can hurt you. And so, to protect herself, she puts up this facade of not caring. At first, on the island, Fatin is dismissive, distant, a tad selfish - she’s superficially friendly, but miss “I don’t get tight with girls” doesn’t want to bond, doesn’t want to help out and be a part of the group. Because it’s safer that way. Of course, at the end of season 1, Fatin cares about all the girls, and takes care of them, and trusts them.

What does she want? Control over her own life, and finding her purpose. Look, the wilds is a coming of age story. It’s about growing up and surviving a deserted island a mad scientist’s evil experiment the transition to adulthood. It’s also about teen girls specifically, and how our society treats them, what it expects of them, how it hurts them. Fatin, just like the other girls, is navigating the end of her teenage-hood, and figuring out who she is, and who she wants to be, and what she’s been told she should or shouldn’t, can or cannot, do. Will she go back to the cello? Will she be the person her parents want her to be, or someone completely different, or a bit of a mix? We shall see! She is just at the start of her journey.

So yes, Fatin and Leah are very different, you’re right. But they’re also two lonely teenage girls (in a group of eight lonely teenage girls) who are slowly finding community with each other and realizing what actual, genuine love is. And they both have a complex, contradictory relationship with childishness/adulthood: both rebel against being treated as children, craving control and agency, but they also both very recently lived through an experience that signaled the end of childhood in a pretty abrupt/traumatic way (Leah because of Jeff, Fatin when she lost the ideal image of her father) and they’re both still reeling from it, and missing the safety of childhood. “I want my mom,” Leah cries, in Fatin’s arms. And Fatin replies, also crying, “me too”. 

And I, who’s also crying at this point, find this dynamic and the parallel of their narratives very compelling.

[zalrb]

What do you think of Knives out?

I thought it was fine and entirely overrated

I found it funny for 30 seconds and then it kept going and I was just frustrated. We didn’t really learn much about anyone, they were all archetypes of a certain wealthy person and I would’ve been fine with that if I actually found the movie fun? Like either you go in depth with characters and we really learn about them over the course of the movie or they’re cardboard cut outs but it doesn’t matter because the movie is fun and zany and I feel like Knives Out was supposed to strike a balance between the two but I didn’t think it committed to either and so, while it wasn’t a bad movie, it was forgettable for me. The only time I really enjoyed myself is just before the will is being read and they all turn on each other as well as the fact that none of them actually know where Marta and her family is from and the country keeps changing because that was hilariously accurate.

I also didn’t think the family turning on Marta was shocking or surprising or a AHA moment because they’re already terrible people? Them constantly paying lip service to how they’ll take care of her was clearly just lip service and they were already at each other’s throats about this will that obviously they’re going to freak out if none of them get it and someone they think is beneath them will get it, like if we saw them actually believe that they treated Marta like part of the family beyond dialogue plus little moments like when she’s handed the plate, if it was something like everyone in the family uses Marta as a confidant for one thing or another and then the will reading happens and they turn on her, or if we saw a “friendship” between Meg and Marta and then comes the betrayal of confidence regarding Marta’s mom, I think it would be more of a commentary but as it stood I was just like, well yeah…

and I got into a debate about it because I said Parasite got the same type of message across in a way I found much more elegant as well as much more entertaining and the response was I couldn't compare a movie like Parasite to a movie like Knives Out and I disagreed with that

Perhaps I would find Meg’s characterization more subtle if it were actually a characterization, if we actually got to see her do something but we don’t, we’re told she’s studying to be an “SJW” by her alt-right family members, we’re told she’s friends with Marta, but she doesn’t actually say or do anything to suggest even the facade of a self-aware person, her saying “we’re going to take care of you” and bringing Marta to another room to smoke a joint isn’t enough characterization especially since it doesn’t come across as any different than how her family members “comfort” Marta, a few words of dialogue isn’t enough of a distinction between Meg and her family members for me to find an efficient portrayal of a rich, liberal white girl. In fact, I found it lazy.

In my book, Parasite actually does a better job in portraying characters who believe they’re self-aware and helpful and who are “nice” but are in fact classist and privileged, namely Yeon-kyo.

I also disagree with the idea that the two aren’t comparable simply because Knives Out was a whodunnit because the movie is still a social commentary in the form of a genre film, the actual point of the movie isn’t who the murderer is, it’s about privilege and classism (it’s not like This Is The End where the point of the movie is to make you laugh and have some low-brow humour but also kind of says something about morality and celebrity culture) just like how Parasite is a social commentary but framed within a “con movie”, they are both trying to say something about social class, I just find Parasite does a better job at actually saying something.

And in terms of tone, I realize what I had expected was something like Ready Or Not, which was kind of chaotic and darkly funny and still made a commentary on wealth and wealthy families. Like I had wayyyyyy more fun watching Ready Or Not, that was definitely my jam.

[izartn]

MDZS JGY fic promt

I’m thinking about Meng Yao/Jin Guangyao and I think I would love to read a fic of him snapping in the opposite direction of his desperate grab for power and respect from his shit father. We know, thanks to JGS gruesome murder that at some point, after already being a shitty human doing murdery things, JGY snapped hard and said: “if i’m gonna do the shitty things of running this sect i’ll do them for myself and fuck you to death”. Quite literally. 

So I’d like to imagine a world where he, like, not necessary becomes a much better person; I dunno about the JZX and WWX kill plot, or about NMJ. I think he’s very set in his auto-preservating self-beneficing ways, and if you don’t really work well with that part of his chara then he’s not JGY anymore. 

But instead of being, I’ll become the highest in the cultivation world, so i will be finally respected and listened to (uhm, didnt’ work especially well did it? they never let him forget his mother profession when it was his father who was the absolute worst) he decides that while cultivation is still something to aspire to -can’t forget about his mother dying dream, also longer life and health benefits + being a hero, doing the decent thing- he realises the cultivation sect system as it is horrible. 

He was in the middle of the war, he saw it from both sides. He then went to low to high but still a servant. And it’s always blood what counts. He sees what happens to his other bastard brothers, to WWX when he decides enough is enough, and how he himself is still treated by his Sect despite his intelligence and abilities. And instead of trying to take refuge in the system, he is a bit more self-aware or inquiring; maybe he is more idealistic in some ways? But still oh so bitter, and decides to destroy the system from within.

You know what? Do it so he still rises to Leader of the Jin Sect (without prostitutes murdering and necrophilia; he is now more on the side of the common, so maybe he gets the help of Sisi or someone he knows to aid him poison his father and after he gets them a nice reward and packs them to a new life in Japan or something. Or he simply uses another subtle method without intermediaries or with unaware ones, he is certainly able of doing that when he isnt being an ironic murderer shit.) because it’ll serve him, and to be the leader responsible of making sure the so estimated Jin blood is disposesed will make him smug pleased. To slowly gain power and bit by bit erase the division between the noble clans and people who learn simply bcs of talent, scouting youngsters witht the excuse of replenishing the clans after the war and quiting the idiots nobles from their spoiled positions. 

Hell you can even make LXC and NMJ (did he died before or after JGY becomes Sect Leader? Well if he is still alive, NHS doesn’t destroy him, but then WWX doesn’t come back. If he dies before, then the vengeance is still in play, but it’ll be even more fraughted bcs now JGY goals and methods are a lot more morally grey and watching WWX and LWJ confront that would be super interesting O-O), you can make them see those policies and be like, oh sure, that’s a good thing you’re doing A-yao. But also conflict with their positions in the nobility system, as time pases and JGY subtly passes more changes and brings to ruin those sect leaders more entrenched in the old ways and abusing of their people.

 Programs for literacy, for the spread of knowledge and the civil use of cultivation techniques with the excuse of avoiding beforehand the formation of ghosts and resentment appealing to the lazy nature of the rich while eliminating bit by bit the necessity of their existence, like boiling a frog, the creation of the watchtowers still fits nicely and we know in canon he faced oppposition there so here it’s more important still, even more so Su She I think, will be elated with this turn of events and even more loyal lmao if JGY sells it well and JGY sells his ideas really well. 

Maybe he helps XXC and SL bcs it’s in his interest they find success although he finds them naive; but JGY has a canon soft spot for people who treat him well regardless of his common born status, so. Maybe he intercedes with XY and convinces him to work with him taking out nobles reasonably (I bet XY will like that), and manages to avoid somehow XY elaborated revenge on SL and XXC? or executes him when he is too much of a wild card, but we know how that ended in canon... The best bet is making XY see on his own best interest to help in JGY vision but that’s well. almost crack fic lmao. 

OH! Maybe he finds XY before the massacre of the Chang clan bcs he is searching for someone to help him above table and gets to him by offering a more subtle but still suitable appropriate revenge with the pro bonus of getting to do the same to others after and access to WWX manuscripts. You know this has a much higher chance of working, let’s go with this scenario. So he keeps XY out of his father reach, when he is searching for someone to gain control of the stygian seal and wen ning. Yeah, this will appeal immensely to JGY xD

You know, and JGY being beloved by the people, and having more than a facade of being just or fair, but proving it although it isn't in the interest of the nobles. And as he is politics savvy, although with more effort he could certainly make it so he avoids assassinations or walking in a minefield like wwx etc. 

Depending on the NMJ situation... You could make it so NMJ doesn’t die and then they enter a stalemate of grudging respect bcs JGY wants more an ally in swaying people for his cause than his revenge, although he sure could make non lethal things to inconvenience NMJ lol. And NHS as sect leader wouldn’t have the same power to his decisions and reach, no matter if he is more manipulable; after all isn’t NHS a pampered noble in JGY eyes? Who could be sure if he even would follow JGY anyways... 

And you could give it different endings depending on the development of JGY: a success where he gets to the point were factually the sects aren’t bloods based anymore, just a few like the lan (those traditionalists lol) resisting an unavoidable wave of change taht comes for everybody, and the money doesn’t flow in their pockets like a river to the ocean but instead it goes back to the people. 

You could make it so it’s a partial success bcs JGY is still himself and does more than a few morally grey things that come to light with the NMJ murder reveal, but his changes linger and the common people plus others of the same ideal now trained and in process of being cultivators won’t let themselves be cowered by the awful nobility -another big conflict breeding, and maybe it won’t be successful but people have long memories and books and the new ideals of equality would spread regardless, so it would start again and again each time a bit better-. I think WWX POV in this case would be delicious omg, LXC conflict even more pointed. This would be, I think the more realistic and interesting to write take on the idea. Iand you now, I’m in favor of a novel setting and characterization, but to make it more painful, use the 16 gap of the show and nothing else (i haven’t see the show beyond the first episodes bcs i couldn’t take it lol)  so JGY has more time to make changes. 

You could make a downer ending (this I wouldn’t like lmao, but it’s there) so that shows the cruelty and inability of making changes to something so integrated and supported by itself, that JGY loses much to his revenge he takes more and more radical actions that come back to bit his ass with NMJ and JGS murder revelation. I think XY in here would be appropriate, in an antagonist role as in MDZS. But it still has an impact; JGY’s life, despite his faults was still more inspirational, made better impact than his canon self. Make it poetically tragic and a comment on the futility of trying to change society by oneself, but find beauty in the attempt itself which has created community, which will in the future do the true work of overthrowing the yokes of the high ups, educating and helping each other in their messy human lives.

All this ending, and JL conflict, who at this point has learnt much at his uncle JGY side, who has decided to (dunno about marrying QS and A-Song’s death. depending on your take and ending it’ll have different impact) go on with his labor bc he sees the good on it and swears to not be like the worst of JGY. A legacy he can reconcile with himself thanks too, to the experience of meeting WWX. JL is in a more fraught position with JC in this verse, I think, bc for one, he is more mature/not so spoiled and that would make JC glad, but his ideas are at the same time understable and anatema to JC who puts so much of his life on honoring the clan on making sure the Jiang carry on and his name isn’t forgotten but who recruited from nothing during the war. Who sees the danger in alienating the powers of the cultivation sects bc he saw what it did to WWX and he believes in protecting his own and to hell with the rest. 

So very interesting!!! 

You could spin so many takes from this, it’d be so fascinating and satisfying. I’d love to see the chara of JGY developed in this direction, bcs he has so much potential to waste it in so petty goals. His ambition is certainly big enough to believe he will damn well do a silent revolution well. 

Just, using the classics to argue for equality and education and a good life even if you’re a peasant, using the cultivation basis and its suppose use to better oneself and the world in making a point of avoiding wars and violent retribution (to the public, he’s still a bit of an hypocrit bcs it serves him well to have a stick with which to beat his enemies lmao) and instead use diplomacy and a sort of rehabilitation or service thing. Because those ideas are there, in the different clasics and schools of thought (not confucianism, not as much) it’s just that the nobles and high scholars were never interested and used them to argue for a sort of natural hierarchy were they’re in top. 

 Let JGY create a new school of thought, and LXC and others seeing the merit on it. JGY has the reach and the intelligence and the ability. 

The best revenge is living well and destroying the system which allowed the other to harm you, the ideas, the means. Create a fantasy fulfillment ^^

[sifeng]

Review: The Legend of Zhen Huan

Harem dramas (or gongdou dramas) are really extremely interesting, not just because the schemes and plots are smart and evil, but also because the ones planning are ladies. Typically, in big historical political dramas, such as Nirvana in Fire (琅琊榜) or the legendary Romance of the Three Kingdoms (三国演义), the big players are all males. In the former example, you have a few notable female roles, but in the latter, there are a lot of main characters, and only one is a woman. In harem dramas, the tables are reversed. The ladies are the ones doing the scheming, and they’re doing it while completely hiding inner feuds from the emperor. Out of all the harem dramas that have been made by China, the prize for “Best Harem Drama” typically goes to The Legend of Zhen Huan (甄嬛传). So what’s so good about Zhen Huan? And why should you watch it?

The main five ladies fighting for the emperor’s love (or are they really just fighting for power?) From left to right: Hua Fei (华妃), the Empress (皇后), Zhen Huan (甄嬛), Shen Meizhuang (沈眉庄), An Lingrong (安陵容)

Plot: 

Zhen Huan is a young woman who looks to have a normal life. However, all chances at a normal life are crushed when she is selected to become the emperor’s concubine. Now, she must learn the ways of the harem, which not only include etiquette, but also scheming and betrayal. 

Cast:

Sun Li/Betty Sun (孙俪) as Zhen Huan (甄嬛)

Chen Jianbin (陈建斌) as Yongzheng/Emperor (雍正/皇上)

Cai Shaofen/Ada Choi (蔡少芬) as Ulanara Yixiu/Empress (乌拉那拉·宜修/皇后)

Li Dongxue (李东学) as Prince Guo/Yun Li (果郡王/允礼)

Jiang Xin (蒋欣) as Consort Hua/Nian Shilan (华妃/年世兰)

Tao Xinran (陶昕然) as An Lingrong (安陵容)

Lan Xi (斓曦) as Shen Meizhuang (沈眉庄)

My Opinions:

Plot (My Rating - A):

I would say the best thing about the plot is the pacing. It doesn’t go extremely fast, to the point where you lose track of everything that is happening, but it does go at a relatively reasonable pace so the show never gets boring. 

This drama does an amazing job of showing the cruelty of the harem. Also, I kind of think the kind of scheming that goes on in harem dramas are even more scary than the big political schemes of the big historical dramas, because these ladies put on this image of being good sisters that support each other, when in reality they have thought up a million ideas on how to kill each other. 

Of course, being a harem drama, there’s not a whole lot of cute romance here, but there are quite a few couples (beyond the emperor and his concubines) that are kind of cute. Also, as it is a harem drama, focus on friendship and loyalty to friends is rarely mentioned. There’s really only two cases of friendship in the entire drama, everything else is much more like an “alliance”.

Characterization (My Rating - A+):

I would say the two best parts of this drama are characterization and acting. Every character in this drama has their flaws, but also traits that we should be admirable of and learn from. Let’s take An Lingrong for example. Her biggest flaw is that she has extremely low self esteem, which leads her to be paranoid and loose her ability to trust her friends. However, she is also extremely persistent. She knows singing is her talent, and so she uses it on a number of occasions to gain favor. When she looses her voice, she learns to ice skate, and is able to do it wonderfully, and again, she gains favor with the emperor. She also later learns to take her future into her own hands, instead of depending on her friends, or the Empress to protect her. 

Characters also grow throughout the series. Though they start out innocent, Zhen Huan, Shen Meizhuang and An Lingrong grow to become wise and mature. And as this show is extremely long, we get to see what events set off character growth. All slightly major characters undergo some kind of character development, and all of them have developed personalities that make you want to root for them sometimes, but sometimes you really just want to throw them in the Cold Palace.

No villain is left without a humanized side. No one is evil for the sake of being evil (which cough, Gao Guifei in Yanxi?), and even the villains have backstories that make you sympathize with their actions. At the end of the day, I can’t even really call them “villains” since, let’s be real, some of the “good guys” do things that are just as bad. Similarly, the very few heroes in our show have their negative traits as well. No one is perfect. Everyone is human. 

The most impressive thing is definitely the growth of Zhen Huan. She starts out weak and somewhat of a coward, however, by the end, she is the one that people fear. As the show narrates the story of Zhen Huan from a 16 year old girl to the powerful Empress Dowager, we can see how every event in her life changes her. Every scheme, death, betrayal, they all build Zhen Huan to be a strong, powerful, but cruel person. Some have criticized the show because it seems to send out the message that in order to get above your bullies, you have to become just as evil. I disagree. Two of the concubines in the palace, Jing Pin and Duan Fei are more low-key, rarely participating in schemes, and they survive until the very end, earning the third and second highest ranks possible in the harem respectively. You don’t need to scheme in this show if you develop good relationships with everyone, and have a low-key and simple existence. As long as you don’t push yourself Ito the race for the emperor’s favor, you’re sure to live. 

Acting (My Rating - A+):

My god. How did they literally manage to get ever single actor portray their characters perfectly? Not just the main leads, but literally everyone, made me truly believe their characterization. Of course I have to give props to Sun Li, Ada Choi and Jiang Xin for their portrayals of Zhen Huan, the Empress and Hua Fei. THEY WERE AMAZING. Even though the latter two are arguably villains, they played their parts so well that honestly, I felt bad when the Emperor didn’t believe them or ignored them. 

I also think Tao Xinran did really good as An Lingrong. In the beginning she did a great job of bringing out An Lingrong’s self-deprecating and unconfident personality, and I could see that even though An Lingrong ended up growing significantly in power, underneath the facade of confidence, she’s has low self esteem and confidence. 

What’s really amazing is that a lot of the supporting actors here have become stars themselves. Three of the supporting concubines, Qi Guiren, Chun Changzai and Ying Guiren are played by three rising stars Tang Yixin, Tan Songyun and Mao Xiaotong. 

Cinematography (My Rating - A-): The shots of the Forbidden City are beautiful, but seeing as this is a 2011 drama, the quality isn’t amazing.

Costumes (My Rating - A+): I mean just look at the pictures above. The costumes are STUNNING.

Overall Rating: A+ 

Recommend For: People looking for a drama full of schemes and mystery. People who are okay with a drama that doesn’t include a whole to of romance or friendship. People looking for a good harem drama. People who liked Yanxi or Ruyi should definitely watch this drama! 

[gutsymmetry]

regina’s leap from basically like, sub-queen to being sole ruler of the kingdom is like... it’s unprecedented, i feel like? she’s not royal blood, except on her father’s side, as he was a younger son of many sons of a foreign kingdom; in fact, she’s technically an exile from said foreign kingdom. she’s a second wife who was essentially bought because leopold wanted a companion for himself and a nanny for snow. she produces no heirs. she has no personal claim to leopold’s throne, except that she orchestrated his death and then grabbed onto said throne with all her strength.

so she had to have been consolidating her power for a long time. i feel like a lot of this slow, careful plotting seems to vanish behind the facade of the EQ, who tends to be characterized as extremely aggressive and slash-and-burn, and the writers emphasize regina’s rage and her temper often to the exclusion of all else when they try to characterize the EQ and even the pre-EQ, in episodes like “enter the dragon” and “quite a common fairy.” but the fact is that regina must have been working REALLY hard a REALLY long time to create justification and a foundation for her power, and she couldn’t have been all temper and aggression.

i imagine her very much relying on, as i’ve spoken about previously re: her queenship, the absorption and control of information, and the creation of allies, both with extant elites and with those who most directly served her. it simply wouldn’t be possible for regina to totally alienate everyone around her and still be able to grab the queenship and keep it. she had to have powerful allies, and to have leaned on them at first when she needed it, when her grip on the throne was most tenuous. maybe she kept her ear to the ground and at first bartered useful secrets or her political support with those nobles most aware of leopold’s weakness, who might be interested in an ally behind the throne.

i am sure, also, that having a personal income played a huge role in this. it wouldn’t be beyond imagining that leopold gave regina a few titles and some land as, maybe, a wedding present, and she would have needed money to handle the expenses of running her household--all those gorgeous dresses cost money! regina quietly plotting and expanding her holdings, practicing a kind of early rulership and learning to manage people by managing her estates, would have formed another stream of power and revenue for her. and it would have laid a groundwork of people invested in her maintenance of power, people whose livelihoods relied on regina.

that would lead into regina’s personal relationships with those who most immediately served her, as i mentioned above. i’ve spoken before about regina knowing the names of all her servants and guards--i.e. claude, the guard hook killed in “queen of hearts.” she would have established a personal guard for herself (cora, in fact, advised her to do this, and regina probably hesitated a while before actually going through with it--but cora was right, this was something regina really needed) consisting of people she chose to be closest to her, and would have also used strategic positions in her household to do the same, raising those who proved to be loyal and malleable and getting rid of anyone who threatened her interests--or keeping them close by to keep an eye on them.

all of this HAD to have been going on for years, and this network of support for regina’s queenship had to have been VERY strong for her to continue to rule after leopold’s death. the idea that she was just wantonly killing and burning everything around her out of pettiness and spite, the idea that the common people reviled her and loved snow, etc.--these are products of shitty writing that we’re just going to throw in the bin, because they just largely don’t make sense. it’s not that no ruler in history has ever destructively alienated their people before, or come to power through military might, but the idea that nobody benefited by regina’s rule and nobody wanted her in power is absurd, especially given how obviously prosperous her kingdom was.

[thedupshadove]

Who Wants to Remake “Welcome Back, Kotter?”

No one? Too bad!

First things first, some ground rules. This is a remake, not a modernization. It’s still set in the mid-to-late 1970s. This is meant to be more serious than the original,  but we are not going full Dark N’ Gritty with it. It’s more of a Dramedy; taking the more than a little one-dimensional characters from the old show and making them into human beings. Romantic relationships between the students may happen (I have some ideas in that direction), but even if they do, they shouldn’t be the focus. The main thrust of the students’ character arcs comes from their individual journeys from early Sophmores who have given up on themselves (or at the very least gotten discouraged and don’t feel that anyone believes in them) to graduating Seniors with plans for their lives. The romance that will get the most focus will be the one between the Kotters—not that we’re pulling that bullshit thing where a married couple has to constantly tease breaking up or else they’re not “interesting” enough, but simply that their marriage is an important part of their lives. In addition to adding some important girls to this sausage-fest, we’re also altering the pre-existing characters somewhat. So, without further ado…

Gabriel “Gabe” Kotter: I’m well aware that, even if we were actually making this, we wouldn’t be able to get him, but in the vein of this character being played by an already-successful stand-up comic, I’m kind of envisioning him as he would be portrayed by John Mulaney. He has the air of someone who is constantly so anxious about so many things that he’s come out the other side and achieved a sort of zen calm. He should have the ability to completely change tracks at the drop of a hat without appearing to be perturbed at all. He can respond the most outlandish of happenings with a reaction that boils down to “Well, naturally.” Don’t play poker with him. But for all that, he does have feelings. In addition to the aforementioned ever-churning cauldron of various anxieties, he loves his wife with his whole heart, and cares passionately about his students and his quest to improve things for the Sweathogs. That being said, he has no illusions that these are all simply misunderstood saints—he well remembers himself and his classmates. “We were a bunch of terrors. We were angry, and we were discouraged, and we were scared, and we were resentful, and we took it all out on anyone we could. Including each other, and even ourselves. All the smiling pity in the world wouldn’t have turned us around. But maybe, just maybe, a little bit of commitment would have.” And that’s what he intends to bring. Commitment. He may offer his students more respect than most teachers have offered them, but unflappability and calm are not to be confused for pushoverness.

Julie Kotter: Sweet, wholesomely pretty (could be a bombshell knockout if she wanted to, but usually doesn’t. If you tell her she’s beautiful, she won’t deny it, but it’s not something she spends much time thinking about.) Kind of a hippy but, like, in a mainstream way. Has a strong, ahem, sensual side that comes as a surprise after her girl-next-door first impression. People also tend to be surprised by the biting wit that serves as a steam valve for her usually long-suffering nature. While she agrees in principle with her husband’s quest, the speed with which the Sweathogs make his (and therefore her) home their own troubles her (“I’m just not sure I’m ready to be a mother”). But in the end, her compassion gets the better of her and she comes to care for the kids just as much as he does, though never loosing her flair for the well-placed smart remark.

Vincent “Vinnie” Barbarino: Sometime early in elementary school, someone told an amiable but image-conscious child that he was stupid. This rather stung him. After mulling it over for a bit, he decided, partially consciously and partially not, that if he had to be stupid, then by God, he would be stupid. Realizing that, with a little theatricality, abject stupidity could make those around him laugh, and deliberate abject stupidity made sure they were laughing with rather than at him, he decided that this was his role: the Class Fool. Fast-forward to high school, and affect has become habit has simply become personality. Good looks and charm coupled with a stubborn idiocy. You see, for all his presentation as someone who cares nothing about anything, he still cares, very much, about his reputation, and it’s much less damaging to be seen to not try then the to be seen to try and fail. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he may be beginning to realize that this is not doing his future any favors, but thinking about that too hard would interfere with his indolent good cheer, so he is Not Going To Do That.

Kim Song: For most of her life, this second-generation Korean was quietly studious, with just enough ambition to drive her forward. Then,  in her freshman year of high school, a friend convinced her to come with her to a big house party, she tried to loosen up, had a little too much to drink, blacked out...and two weeks later she got the final confirmation that her life was changing forever. Plenty of girls in her position would have given up on any ambition beyond what was necessary to keep herself and her baby alive. Song is not plenty of girls. The new life growing in her stomach lit a fire in her soul: she has more to think of than her future now; there’s someone she’s going to need to provide for. And now, within this five-foot, red-eyed package there lies a mind like a steel trap, ambition that could melt steel beams,  and the elocution of an 18th-century political firebrand. And since her “shameful” teen pregnancy got her assigned to the Sweathogs where various inspectors and superintendents would be less likely to see her (and never mind what kind of black mark that would leave on her record, or that she had been in the highest honors classes and academically still deserves to), we can add a new element to the list—a deep, abiding rage that only serves to make the rest sharper. She’s going to become a lawyer. Not “wants” to become a lawyer, not “hopes” to become a lawyer, not “is trying” to become a lawyer, she is going to become a lawyer. And God help any disruptive classmate or apathetic teacher who gets in her way.

Arnold Horshack: If I may editorialize for a moment, this boy’s characterization in the original show as I understand it confused me. How could such a keen student just...never have the right answer? And why did someone whose whole thing is that he’s the character who actually does want to learn constantly pull class discussion off on seemingly irrelevant tangents? And I think the best explanation, especially factoring in all his “odd” behaviors,  is that he is...Not Neurotypical. Probably has a lot of ADD, possibly on the Autism Spectrum. The answer to the question he’s just been asked is in his brain somewhere, but that doesn’t mean he can just...call it up on command. Maybe it was at the front when he raised his hand, but you took too long to acknowledge him, and now it’s gone. And those “irrelevant” comments he’s always making? They’re not irrelevant. You just cant play Six Degrees of Separation as quickly or efficiently as he can. Can and does. All the time. Without realizing he’s blazing a path where others will have a hard time following. Some of those quirks are just part of who he is, but some of them are the result of him trying to be more like everyone else and...not quite hitting the target. All his academic life, he’s been extremely keen for knowledge, but he’s never tested well because it was hard for him to focus. And the more bad grades he wracked up, the more tests started to make him anxious, which made it even harder for him to focus. Add that to all those quirks and oddities making many a teacher uncomfortable, aaaaaaaand welcome to the Sweathogs. He still wants to be enthusiastic, but as the series begins, he’s been kicked so many times, so to speak, that there’s a layer of nervousness and inch thick.

Juliana Diana Katarina “Jewel” Donizetti: Coming as she does from a large family, she learned early on to raise her voice and fight for the attention she needed. Eventually, just yelling became a little too declasse for her (although, with an accent thicker than Molly from Sailor Moon, she never lost the ability to make her voice heard through a crowd), so she cultivated her wit, honing it to the point of a superpower. If she so chooses, she can effortlessly cut you down to an inch tall with a single well-placed remark, but at her best, she can also use her humor to bridge gaps, break ice, and make friends. However, her usual role is that of the loudmouth and wiseass, and one day, she made the wrong comment to the wrong teacher and oops, off to the Sweathogs we go. Her aggressive personality,  while not a facade per se, does serve to mask a more sensitive side, including a big heart that’s surprisingly easily bled.

Freddie “Boom-Boom” Washington: He’s...actually a reasonably intelligent, pretty well-adjusted kid? Sure, he leans a little too hard into being cool and smooth-talking all the time, but hey, it’s high school, lots of people do things like that. He wouldn’t have been put in the Sweathogs in a million years, except Sports. See, he’s one of the basketball team’s most valuable players,  but to stay on the team, his grades have to all be a B- or higher. So when it looked like he was about to get a C in some subject, the coach pulled a few strings to get him transferred to the Sweathogs, where the standards were lower, so his grades could be higher, so he could technically meet the requirements to stay on the team, even though his academic performance hadn’t really improved. Sports, go Sports! This is going to lead to Drama when Kotter, in his determination to give the Sweathogs an actual curriculum, puts Freddie’s easy string of As and Bs in jeopardy, forcing him to either really buckle down...or decide how important Basketball is to him after all.

Rosalie “Hotsie” Totsie: Also fairly well-adjusted and reasonably intelligent, though not an academic superstar. Has a friendly, laid-back personality that tends toward a state of gently wry amusement. Probably the most noteworthy thing about her is her unashamed promiscuity. She likes fun. She likes sex. And she sees no reason why she shouldn’t have both of those things, within the bounds of other people’s boundaries. She always uses a condom. She doesn’t interfere in pre-existing relationships. She won’t force herself on someone, or lie and pretend to be interested in a more serious relationship than she is just to get someone into bed. And she won’t lie about her habits, and is not inclined to bothered by whatever “reputation” she may be garnering. However, despite her best quiet efforts, society is still society. And her refusal to lie about her extracurriculars had started causing many teachers to view her with a disapproving eye. And then caused one particular teacher to look at her with a different kind of eye. At first, she tried to turn him down politely, but after he persisted, she was forced to be firm. And he didn’t like that one bit. So he took advantage of the Bad Girl reputation she was getting herself to convince the relevant authorities that she belonged in the Sweathogs. That’ll teach her. She’s trying to make the best of the situation, but being put in the punishment class can’t help but sting, and knowing that an older authority figure decided to make her life miserable as a direct punishment for her not being sexually available to him is...an icky feeling.

Juan Epstien: Child of a Jewish man and a former Puerto Rican Catholic woman who converted for love. Yes, the misdirection with his background in the original series was clever, but I’m going somewhere with this. See, he and his parents are the epicenter for the coming together of their two clans, so he is the child of not one, but two large, close-knit extended families. And he utterly adores both parents, and both extended families, and both cultures, and both sides of his heritage, and he does not take kindly to people suggesting that one side or the other is inferior, or that one side or the other is less important, or that of course he must value one side more than the other, or that he should value one side more than the other, or that he doesn’t really belong to either side. And various people in school kept on doing that; some out of genuine malice, some more out of ignorance. Add in something of a hot temper, and he started getting into a lot of fights at school, which upset his parents, and he didn’t want to upset his parents, but what was he to do when people just kept on needing to be hit whenever he went to school? Eventually, the solution presented itself: don’t go to school. Thus, the forged absence notes began, and they continued until some teacher finally caught wise and, realizing just how far back this stretched, felt they had no choice but to relegate him to the Sweathogs. When not provoked, he is a fairly easygoing (if more than a little sarcastic) young man, who frequently surprises people with just how his two backgrounds have come together to shape him.

Vanessa Jones: For all of her life, she has been shy. Painfully, debilitatingly shy. This sometimes got her picked on, and when it did, she would usually respond by crying, which only egged them on. So school could be rough. But through it all, she had her Mom and Dad. They loved her, they listened to her, they shared their love of music with her and taught her how to play and sing. So school wasn’t always easy, but at least home would always be a haven of love and warmth and music and laughter and hope. And then when she was ten her Mom got hit by a car. And her Dad started grieving and...just never stopped. Or even got a little bit better. And then he started drinking more than he had. And then a lot more. And now all he ever really does is go to work and then come home and sit on the couch and stare morosely at the TV and drink. Now, he has not become abusive, not really. He doesn’t hit her, he doesn’t take his upset out on her verbally, none of that. But he pays her so little attention these days that he’s definitely in the realm of emotional neglect, and his alcoholism has had him spill over into material neglect more than once. At least she still had her music, and she sublimates a lot of rage and pain into those keys and those strings and that microphone, but one day, some classmates were picking on her for some stupid thing and she just...snapped. Completely lost it. And when they pulled her off of them, it was decided that she couldn’t handle regular classes, and so the Sweathogs it would have to be.

[foxofthedesert]

Arrow FF | Dinah x Laurel | A Christmas Miracle

Part 3 – The Dance (Click for AO3 Link)

As Dinah trails Laurel down the familiar amber-lit hallway, she has to remind herself that this is not her first trip to this particular Oak Forest complex.  Seeing as Laurel lives smack dab between Felicity and Dinah, the convenience of her apartment made sense to conduct meetings of the anti-Diaz club Felicity formed while Oliver was locked up and which thereafter morphed into what Felicity calls ‘an unconventionally awesome three way Womance.’  Dinah also drops in to check on Laurel after particularly rough days, a gesture that while not received with praise is at least silently appreciated judging by Laurel’s tacit acceptance of her continued unannounced visits.  There is a modicum of resentment from Laurel that occasionally boils over due to feeling unfairly criticized or annoyingly henpecked due to the wanton villainy that characterized her recent, although Dinah has learned how to assuage those flare ups with honeyed reassurances that she is only concerned because she cares.  Usually that works well enough, and it when it doesn’t they just bicker it out until one of them invariably apologizes.  Lastly, during their collaboration on the Ace Chemical case, work twice spilled over into Laurel’s home and saw them laboring into the wee hours of the morning double and triple checking critical details tucked away inside the mountain of associated files. 

All of this means that Dinah a stranger to this sharp, stylish corridor, nor is she unfamiliar with the cozy confines of the abode lurking behind the door just ahead.  And yet the tingling in her extremities and the butterflies fluttering around in her tummy would suggest otherwise.  In the wake of their bonding experience at the shelter, the sensations being produced by Laurel’s proximity and their pending nightcap are not unlike those she experienced the night before her junior prom.  Only then her date was a six foot two, one hundred ninety-five pound star athlete with whom she was utterly smitten; whereas now...well, at least the last part is accurate if her slightly humiliating reaction is any reliable barometer.  

Get ahold of yourself for God’s sake, she tells herself as they approach Laurel’s front door, which displays a lovely ornamented wreath.  You’re not sixteen anymore and this isn’t a date.  Then she recalls Laurel’s anxious shifting as the invitation was posed, and how clearly it was meant as much more than a friendly gesture of thanks for her help at the shelter.  Or is it?  Hmm. Laurel certainly was acting like maybe it is, which is probably why I’m as big a bundle of nerves as she seems to be.  Holding her hand when we left the shelter didn’t help matters, either. As Dinah remembers how right it felt when their palms meshed and their fingers wove together, she watches Laurel fumble for the key to her apartment with shaky hands, swear under her breath, then glance back sheepishly before returning to her task.  The unmistakable hint of an incredibly fragile hope that flared through Laurel’s green eyes hits Dinah square in the chest.  Jesus.  Is this really happening?

Dinah gets her answer when Laurel finally slides the correct key home and pushes the door open, then hesitates in the doorway before offering a shy invitation that sounds nothing like the arrogant, flamboyant, dangerous vixen she first encountered on Lian Yu.  Unfortunately Laurel recovers her confidence too quickly for Dinah to comment upon that brief display of vulnerability then flicks on the light and enters to reveal a sight no one who knows this Laurel Lance could have ever adequately prepared for.  

Inside the apartment is a scene that would not be horribly out of place in one of the Hallmark Christmas movies Dinah enjoys indulging in during the Holidays.  Festive trinkets adorn virtually every piece of furniture from little knickknacks like porcelain elves upon the bookshelf to dual poinsettias with ribbons attached to the wrapping on the vase on the entertainment stand next to the door all the way up to an exquisite nativity scene upon the coffee table that appears as old as it is gorgeous.  Meanwhile a modest Christmas tree is tucked into the corner of the living room, neatly and conservatively trimmed featuring plain white lights and mostly silver ornamentation.

“I like what you’ve done to the place,” she says as she mimics Laurel in shrugging off her coat then depositing it, as well as her other unnecessary garments, upon the coat rack to the left of the door.  

Laurel smiles over her shoulder, an attractive blush coloring her cheeks. “Thanks.  I might have gone a bit overboard.  This is the first year I’ve decorated since...” she trails off then, brows drawing in, an oppressive sadness dimming the light in her eyes as she is transported somewhere in her mind, to another time and place Dinah is not yet privy to.  But as abruptly as the gloom descends, Laurel brushes it away with a shake of her shoulders and reattaches a wry smile to her face.  “Well, let’s just say it’s been a long time.”

Wanting to ask about what went through Laurel’s head just a second ago and whether or not it has to do with Quentin, Dinah opts instead for a safer track.  Some day she will get Laurel to open up to her about all she’s been hiding for so long under those impressive facades meant to distract from a secret anguish no one else seems interested in.  Except for Dinah, that is, and not just due to the cop instincts that make her want to dissect criminals and villains to determine what makes them tick.  She wants to know because it has been evident to her since she bothered to look past the jagged sarcasm, edgy goth wardrobe, and penchant for violence, she realized there was something significant there screaming to the heavens to be uncovered.  Once she knew what she was looking for, it didn’t take a genius to figure out there is so much hurt being bottled up inside Laurel that needs to be vented if she’s to maintain this positive course correction she’s made.  The problem is Laurel’s problematic lack of a support system makes any definitive progress unlikely in the near term.  Who in her life would she deem trustworthy enough to permit voyage beyond the as of yet impenetrable facade?  The answer is self-evident to Dinah.  No one.  Or not yet anyway.  Dinah is trying her damnedest to be that someone since no one else seems interested.    

With every one else important to Laurel life occupied with their own problems, such as Felicity and Oliver with their family and Team Arrow and all the peripheral shit that comes along with being the central figures of a Superhero outfit that spans multiple cities and Earth, or simply unconcerned about her welfare because they can’t let go of the past – ahem Rene and John – the burden of caring about and for Laurel Lance has fallen to Dinah alone.  And that’s okay.  She’s happy to shoulder it. Dinah has always been a caregiver.  It’s one of many factors that drove her to focus her military training into a meaningful civilian service.  That and Laurel, at least to her, is worth it.  If no one else can see that?  Their loss.  She’ll take this exceptional, infinitely interesting woman over the banal choices for company daily served up to her on a silver platter.  

“What got you in the holiday spirit if you don’t mind me prying?” she asks, following Laurel into the living room where her svelte hostess gestures for her to sit.

“Hold that thought and go ahead and make yourself at home while I go get the snacks,” Laurel says in lieu of answering immediately, then glides off toward the kitchen with her typical grace.  

Dinah obeys like a good guest, and to keep from fidgeting occupies her hands by trailing her fingers over the smooth lacquered finish of the figurines composing the nativity scene neatly arranged upon the coffee table.  The craftsmanship really is amazing, the precision unlike anything she has come across from her limited exposure to Christmas decorations.  As a kid her parents opted to celebrate the holidays in a non-religious manner seeing as both were lapsed in the faith they were born into, her father the son of Southern Baptist preacher and her mother’s family ensconced firmly within Reform Judaism.  But she had friends who made big to-dos about Christmas and often visited their houses to get a glimpse into a portion of modern life she was denied.  She used to marvel at the ornamentation on display and wish she was brave enough to ask her parents to make some allowances.  None of her friends had anything like this, though.

The manger is so intricate that she can feel imperfections in it as if it were real wood, the hay hundreds of individually constructed strings upon which a marvelously detailed baby Jesus lay, with ten tiny olive-tinted fingers clutching at the threadbare shawl wrapped round him.  Mary and Joseph are almost as meticulous, in their period clothing with accurate complexions and features, as are the equally diverse wise men and the astonishingly life-like miniature lambs tucked in round the manger.

“My great-great-great-something grandfather made that in the 1850’s, I think,” Laurel says, having snuck back in while Dinah was entranced studying the figurines.  A bit startled, she looks up to see Laurel rounding the couch with a tray in hand and tracks her progress as she continues on to deposit the tray carefully upon an unoccupied portion of the coffee table.  “It’s also the answer to your earlier question.  I mean, volunteering at the shelter this year got me thinking about when I was a kid and my parents would go crazy around Christmas.  Nostalgia hit me hard, so I started browsing through some of the boxes of Christmas stuff Quentin never got around to unpacking and found this nativity scene carefully tucked away in bundles of padding.  It’s exactly the same as the one my Quentin inherited, one of a handful of items that survived the family move from Germany after the war.  Incidentally, apparently family origin is one thing that doesn’t really change between Earths where we have doppelgangers.”  She pauses for a breath.  “Anyway, I wanted to put it out to remember both Quentins by but it seemed silly to have just that, so I put up a few more.  Which turned into a few more. Eventually...I looked around and this had happened.  Oopsie.”  To prove her point, she gestures around the apartment, its festive décor providing a merry backdrop to what Dinah hopes will be just as merry a night.

“Well, it’s absolutely gorgeous so I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to show it off.  Or for going overboard on the rest,” Dinah says, savoring the information she has just gleaned.  Not only does she now know that they share in a heritage that traces back to Germany before the Second World War and that family histories remain largely intact between multiple Earths when a person exists in each of them, but the most intriguing tidbit is that Laurel had a happy childhood at one point.  So what went so terribly wrong to make her into Black Siren?  Curiosity surges through her mind that she quickly tempers with a dose of reality by reminding herself why she’s here.  “The whole apartment is really nice. I’m very impressed,” she adds, meaning it from the bottom of her heart.  “Now that I know you have a knack for interior decorating, I’ll be blackmailing you into sprucing my place up for Hanukkah next year.”

Just because her late parents chose the path of unbelief does not mean Dinah has.  There was a time she abandoned her faith, but since moving to Star City she has slowly been building up to the loosely-observant Reformist she is today.  That means among other things that she attends synagogue whenever she can, which isn’t as often as she’d like due to her job, and eats as kosher as convenience and finance will allow.  She has never been big on tradition, so she prefers to practice her faith in a casual way that appeals to her modern, practical, and privacy-oriented sensibilities. That said, her belief is as strong as it has ever been, strangely enough thanks to the woman from whom she just washed dishes and mopped floors until her fingers pruned up and her back ached like a bitch.  If there was ever a sign from God that love and forgiveness possess a singular power to heal the heart, it has come in the form of her constantly evolving relationship with Laurel.

Ignorant of Dinah’s thoughts, Laurel chuckles at the jest she just made, which causes those amazing dimples of hers to peak out.  “Can’t wait to see what material you break out to get me to do your bidding. I’m not easily blackmailed, you know.”

“I know.  I happen to like a good challenge, which you most certainly are,” Dinah says with a wink that causes Laurel to blush for what seems like the hundredth time tonight.

“I’ve been called many things, but none with ‘good’ attached as a modifier.  Eggnog?” Laurel returns as she gently picks up a mug of eggnog and offers it to Dinah, who accepts it with a grateful smile.

Powerless to resist the creamy goodness cradled in her hands, Dinah takes an experimental sip and cannot stop a moan of pure delight from purring through her chest.  “Well, get used to it if this stuff is any indication of your talents.”  She then breaks off the arm of one of the gingerbread men, snaps the hand off, then samples the dismembered appendage.  Eyes sliding shut in rapture, a similar sound erupts from the depths of her chest.  The cookie is more like something out of a professional bakery than an amateur oven.  It is soft, perfectly chewy with a cinnamony and gingery flavor that coats her tongue with wonderfulness.  “Christ alive, Laurel!  This is divine.”

Not half as divine as those noises you just made, Laurel thinks, then chastises herself for what feels like the thousandth time tonight.  She has always been hyper-aware of Dinah’s casual sensuality and absurd level of hotness, but lately her inability to curb that awareness has proven quite the irritant.

“Where’d you learn to make this?”

Dinah’s question causes Laurel to reemerge abruptly from the haze induced by that sinful moan.  “I found it in my dad’s recipe book,” she answers, hastily to avoid any intensive scrutiny of her embarrassing biological response.  “I mean, Quentin’s.  Not that my Quentin wasn’t…that he didn’t...err, that he wasn’t...”  A soft hand touches her to mercifully prevent any further verbal flailing.

Dinah’s gentle smile eases the mortification, but only just.  “It’s okay. I know how much he meant to you.  It’s not wrong of you to see him as your dad.  He was.  If any man ever loved his daughter, that’s the way Quentin loved you.”  

Tears prick at Laurel’s eyes unbidden and she clamps down on her lower lip to keep from whimpering like some pathetic little girl.  That age old cliché that time heals all wounds is nothing but a bunch of bullshit to Laurel when it’s yet to get any easier for her to hear how deeply this Earth’s Quentin Lance cared for her.  The gaping, oozing sore his entirely preventable death left behind is a constant reminder of her unforgivable failures as a daughter upon two worlds. When her mother died in an auto accident and took her Sara to the grave with her, Laurel selfishly and foolishly blamed it all upon her father, who was behind the wheel, even though it was not his fault.  A truck driver strung out on amphetamines to stay awake ran a light and plowed right into the passenger’s side.  There was nothing anybody could have done, but that didn’t stop Laurel from berating her father at every turn until their relationship was in tatters and he could barely stand to look at her for fear of what she might say.  When he was gunned down two weeks after her sixteenth birthday, six months after her Ollie died in the Gambit, she blamed him for that, too. Or at least she did until realization set in that all of the tragedies were ultimately her fault.  Her parents had been on their way to pick up her from a silly after school program for advanced readers when that accident occurred, Ollie went on that trip with his dad because she was putting too much pressure on him to move away with her for college, and her father was killed interrupting a robbery while out buying ice cream for her because she emerged from the dreary foxhole of depression to actually interact with him for the first time in weeks.  

Guilt over her role in those events ate her alive over the subsequent years.  Haunted in nightmares, she was stalked from the shadows of her mind every waking hour of the day until she was reduced to little more than a deviant drug addict living on the streets, willing to do anything for a fix so the voice inside her head that sounded suspiciously like her dad would stop blaming her for their family’s demise.  Becoming Black Siren cauterized that wound fairly well up til being Black Siren cost her the exceedingly precious second chance at deserving her father’s unconditional love.  That day in the hospital, hearing Sara’s plaintive cries, feeling the blood rushing in her ears, unable to curtail the tears rolling down her face, tore it right back open again, as it has remained ever since.  And the only person who has seemed to notice her silent suffering is Dinah Drake.  

Miracle of all miracles….

As if sensing Laurel’s internal distress over her terrible comportment and her reticence to continue down this line of discussion, Dinah again proves her aptitude with regard to Laurel’s emotional and mental state.  A pat of Laurel’s hand precedes returning her own to her mug, and she then adopts a more neutral posture and tone as she indulges in another healthy sip of the eggnog.  After a satisfied little sigh, she asks, “So, what brought you to the shelter?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Laurel says, tone a bit clipped.  

One day she will tell Dinah about the months she spent living at place just like the Carmine Kanigher Emergency Shelter.  If her wildest dreams come true, she’ll finally be safe enough in a relationship with a woman who can handle the harrowing tale of a broken nineteen year old sexual abuse victim and heroin junkie who escaped her personal hell when S.T.A.R. Labs explosion bathed her battered body in Dark Matter in the midst of an agonized banshee wail.  Beaten half to death, face a bloody mess, violated beyond reckoning, angry cigar-shaped burns seared into the small of her back and the back of her neck, in tattered clothes that hadn’t been washed in a month, she stumbled eight blocks in the dead of night until she spotted the little facility tucked in between a decrepit old apartment building and an anachronistic Catholic church that looked more like it belonged in Gotham than Central City.  

As she stumbled across the empty intersection, her heart started beating uncontrollably.  Two steps out a cold sensation corkscrewed up her spine and she stopped right in the middle of the street, paralyzed. Out of the blue she could feel his eyes boring into the back of her head, could smell the stink of vodka on his breath, and feel a grimy hand clamping down on her hips whilst the other snatched great handfuls of her hair with all the tenderness of a rabid grizzly. Panic descended upon her like a runaway train.  Unable to think, reduced to pure adrenaline and fear, she used every last ounce of willpower to force her feet to move and raced as fast as her unsteady legs would take her toward sanctuary, heedless of the cars barreling down upon her from both lanes, horns screaming at the crazy unkempt lady on a suicide mission to figure out the chicken’s motives for journeying to the other side of the road.  Only instead of a triumphant arrival, her toe got hooked on the sidewalk, causing her to face plant within a stone’s throw from what would soon become her only safe haven in life, fracturing her cheek and reopening the jagged cut on her lip.  

Laurel can remember so vividly how she literally crawled those last five yards to the front door on her hands and knees, panting for breath and keening in manic desperation, can remember how her bare knees were shredded on the unforgiving concrete leaving behind erratic streaks of blood that took the staff four hours to scrub out the next day.  How she got up the stairs and through the front door is not so clear, but she does recall smelling fresh popcorn the second she staggered inside, a scent to this day she associates with safety. She also remembers being greeted by the unbearably kind face of a woman not much older than she is right now, and how that same woman nursed her through the night so patiently and with such gentle care that she wept in her arms until she passed out.

That is why she was at the shelter tonight.  To at long last pay it forward in honor of Emma Morrison and all of the other men and women who filtered through her shattered life during her brief stay at Central Covenant Emergency Shelter.  After all they did to piece her back together into some semblance of a human being, a herculean feat Laurel still doesn’t understand how they accomplished, the least she can do is help out around the holidays at a place that is doing the same thing for people just like she used to be.  People who have been chewed up and spat out by the world, whose loved ones have left them by choice or via the grave, who have nothing and no one to care for them during the one season per year everyone should have someone.  Even a wretch like her.      

One day she will tell Dinah all of this, because there hasn’t been any one else in her life since Emma that made her want to talk about her past, to air out her anguish, to vent her immeasurable pain.  Dinah makes her want to, though, and not just because Dinah has proven herself trustworthy but because Dinah had the audacity to get to know Laurel for no other reason than for Laurel’s sake.  Against all objective logic, Dinah chose Laurel, and continues to over and over again.  Nobody else has done that since her Ollie and her Daddy died. So there will come a day she will sit Dinah down and divulge the ugly truth behind her radically abrupt spurt of holiday volunteerism. But not today.  Especially not on Christmas.  Talking about those dark days would sully something precious that has been building between them tonight.  Something Laurel can already feel slipping away from her, which causes her to react with her typical knee-jerk abrasiveness.  

Lids narrowing in accusation, she pins Dinah down with a cold stare.  “You were the one who followed me there.  Worried I was about to dive head first into the evil end of the pool again?”  Still on the defensive, she squeezes the mug between her hands more tightly to rein in her flaring temper.  She hadn’t meant to jump down Dinah’s throat, it’s just lashing out is her default response to emotional upset.  Once she told Felicity empathy was a work in progress – well, it is one of many works in progress in her life, coping mechanisms included.  

To her credit, Dinah does not take the bait other than to calmly reply, “Of course not.”  A pointed look from Laurel, replete with an arched brow, inspires Dinah to amend herself with a shy shrug and cute shrug of her shoulders.  “Okay.  Maybe a little.  Mostly I was curious.  You pawned a very important case off on an A.D.A. at the last minute, so I thought I’d find out why.”

Laurel does not understand the reasoning.  At all.  “You have history with Martinez.  I thought you’d be fine working with him while I took some evenings for myself during the holidays.”

For the first time all night, Dinah becomes visibly upset.  Her nostrils flare, the muscles in her arms and shoulders tense, and her eyes narrow sharply.  “Well, you figured wrong.  We worked that case together for over two months, Laurel.  You should have seen it through instead bailing on me!”

Taken aback, Laurel returns her mug to the tray.  Of all the things for Dinah to get her panties in a wad about, it’s this?  As far as Laurel knows, Dinah and Martinez get along swimmingly.  They have worked several cases together since Laurel assumed her doppelganger’s duties as District Attorney and have only returned glowing praises about the other in both verbal and hard copy reports.  Hell, they’ve even gone out for casual drinks a time or two and had a swell time, which irritated Laurel more than it should have considering she only recently retrieved her attraction to Dinah from the realm of impossible dreams.  

Strangely enough, it was working on this case so closely that made her reconsider whether her assessment of Dinah’s sexuality was as reliable as she initially assumed.  Maybe that’s why she’s so perturbed.  Maybe she thought the same about me?  I mean, I wasn’t exactly waving my bi flag for all to see.  What if working this case together has opened her eyes the same way it has mine?  What if…

Going any further down that road without context is so dangerous Laurel veers a sharp turn on the nearest on-ramp leading to attaining what she needs with a sudden desperation that is as terrifying as it is exciting.

“Okay...what’s this really about?” she poses, daring Dinah to try and finagle herself out of giving an honest answer.

“I just told you...” Laurel waves off Dinah’s sad attempt at deflection as if batting away a pesky fly.  “Yeah, yeah.  You told me why you were curious as to my so-called pawning off of the Ace Chemical case.  I couldn’t help but notice, though, that you’re truly upset about it.  And not for the specified reason.  This has nothing to do with your investment in this case.  Or mine for that matter.”

“Is that so?”  

Dinah’s brows shoot up so sharply it feels as if they’re about to clash with her hairline.  How did this conversation turn on her so quickly? She’d meant to get Laurel to confess that she dropped the case because her work at the shelter during the holidays had become too important for her to abandon, that she has finally found a purpose for that heart she’s kept so safely guarded with a charming misanthropy she wields like a sword and shield to repel any who seek entry.  Only halfway through the sentence it turned into accusation as the abandonment Dinah felt – and yes, she knows that’s irrational; but Laurel makes her irrational, okay! – superseded that initial noble goal.  Deep down, she knows Laurel stepping away from the case only hurt her because it meant they wouldn’t be spending any more late nights in each other’s offices or in Laurel’s apartment working into the wee hours of the morning. There would be no more sipping on coffee and chatting about sports during short breaks, no more furtive glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking, no more of their shoulders and hips brushing together as they huddled over a report they’ve both read a dozen times looking for potential weaknesses or loopholes in the prosecution the defense might exploit, and no more excuses to touch Laurel because she’s right there and available and one hundred percent engaged in their hypnotizing dynamic.

Dinah was aggrieved because she wants more of all that, craves it like a drug, yearns for it like a forlorn lover whose partner has been out of reach for far too long.  She is afraid that without a legitimate professional excuse to continue this closeness they’ve developed it will wither on the vine and die before ever bearing fruit.  And that hurts her, makes her chest and throat physically constrict and her heart ache painfully to the point she feels tears of sheer despair well up from within her very soul.  If she cared to examine that phenomenon with any degree of conviction, she knows she would invariably uncover the root cause to be a four letter word that she simply cannot be the one to say first.  There is far too much on the line for that, and not just for her but for Laurel, who has probably been hurt more than Dinah has.  

And of course Laurel took the opportunity to, in a matter of heartbeats, dissect Dinah’s outburst and arrive at the same conclusion she has. Sometimes the woman’s perceptiveness is downright infuriating.

“From my point of view it is,” Laurel replies with complete confidence. All of the sudden, those spectacular green eyes lose all hints of vulnerability and instead resemble those of a hawk who has zeroed in on her prey.  That prey being Dinah.  Which sends a jolt of excitement through Dinah’s veins.

Refusing to back down an inch, Dinah harrumphs.  “Well, then, since you’re such an expert in the subject of my motives, why don’t you enlighten me as to what they were?”

Laurel shoots her a warning glance that is not so much threatening as out of concern.  Dinah doesn’t quite know what to make of it until Laurel responds, then she understands that the concern is for them both.  

“You sure you wanna go down this path?  ‘Cause there’s no going back once we do.”

Dinah has never been more sure of anything.  Four hours ago she would have taken the out being dangled so tempting in front of her.  But four hours ago she hadn’t seen Laurel disarmed of the sword that is her double-edged tongue and disrobed of the impenetrable armor that protects a soft underbelly Dinah would wager has been exposed for none asides from Quentin in a very long time.  Four hours ago she hadn’t seen Laurel glowing under the adulation of people who clearly care for her as much as she does them.  Four hours ago she hadn’t witnessed Laurel giving heartfelt hugs to homeless folks who weren’t the cleanest or the best smelling and engaging them with a mega-watt dimpled smile that actually reached her eyes as she wished them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and meant every last word.  Four hours ago she hadn’t held Laurel’s hand and realized it felt more right in hers than anyone’s ever has – and that includes Vince.  Four hours ago she was not ready to trust Laurel with her heart, because believe it or not she is not as strong as everyone makes her out to be.  

But that was four hours ago.  Now, things are different.  Much different. In such an astonishingly brief window of observation she has seen Laurel express attributes she knew were there along just waiting for the right moment to be unfurled and has at the same time been given a glimpse at a potential future that is so beautiful it takes her breath away.  All she needs is for Laurel to make the first move. And if that happens, Dinah is ready and willing to meet her halfway.

Until then, however, she has to maintain the pretense of ignorance, and not just for her sake.  Like a skittish dog who has been ritually abused only to be rescued by some compassionate soul, Laurel will need to feel like she is in control of the progression of their relationship or she might panic and bolt.  Some might see that as an obstacle they could not overcome, but Dinah is not one of those types.  Pride within intimacy has never been her problem.  Adaptability is her strength.  Take charge or be submissive, so long as she is being shown proper love and respect she can cut either direction depending on the mood.  With Vince she liked being a little domineering because he could take it.  He had this sixth sense for when she wanted to wear the pants and when she needed him to take the reins.  It seems that with Laurel, the sixth sense belongs to her.  Maybe time will bear out a different result, and if so she is eager to experience the journey, but if not she is just as happy to be for Laurel what Vince was for her.  Hell, it might even be the change of pace she didn’t even know she needed.

For now, though, she can just tell that she’s going to have to give a little bit more than she’s used to, bend a little more readily so that this new, fragile, incredibly thrilling development between them doesn’t break right out of the box.  

Crossing her arms over her chest, she narrows her eyes dubiously.  “Pssh. You act as if your theory is going to blow my damn mind or something.”

“Maybe it is,” Laurel says matter-of-factly, then softens almost imperceptibly.  “Maybe it’s already blown mine and I’m just trying to make sure you’re ready for the fallout.”

Internally, Dinah is squealing like a school girl whose crush is just about to make her dreams come true.  She has honestly not felt this way in so long she can’t remember the last time.  Externally she utilizes her many years of training, both from the military and the police academy, to maintain a neutral expression.

“Don’t go pulling punches on my account.  Not now.  One of the reasons I like spending time with you is because you give it to me straight. So if you have something to say, say it.”

Laurel nods, then does not hesitate to accommodate Dinah’s command. “Alright.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”  Here she pauses briefly, inhales deeply, lets it out slowly, then squares her shoulders before launching into her speech.  “So...I think that me handing the case off to Martinez means our collaboration ended earlier than scheduled.  I think that hurt you, and way more than you could have predicted.  I will concede that you might not understand why that is, exactly.  Or if you do, you’re too scared to admit it.”

Getting hot.  Keep going.  Figuring Laurel might need a bit of encouragement to see this through all the way, Dinah decides to inject a bit of a challenge.  Laurel always responds well to those…

“I’m not afraid of anything.  Especially a loud-mouthed bean pole like you.”  

Laurel’s grin tells Dinah her tactic worked like a fucking charm.  She gets herself a well-deserved mental pat on the back as Laurel scoots closer rather than reeling away as most would.

“Getting defensive.  I hit a nerve, I see.  Don’t worry, you didn’t offend me with that cute little barb.  In fact, you just proved my point.”

“Which is?”  C’mon.  You’ve come this far.  Just a little further...

“That you like me.”

Score! 1-0 in favor of Drake.  I’m liking the direction this is going more and more by the second.

To really sell her being utterly dense of what is going on here and that Laurel is the one in charge, Dinah furrows her brow in confusion. “Come again…?”

A daring hand hovers over Dinah’s arm, then a long finger begins trailing down the underside of her forearm, which is still bared due to her having neglected to roll her sleeves back down.  The touch of tapered nail scores a line of fire into her flesh, leaving behind a trail of heat so intense Dinah would not be shocked to discover on the morning that the line has not faded.  The thought draws her eyes down to the tattoo of a flock of birds on the outside of Laurel’s right index finger.  The sight elicits an electric buzz low in Dinah’s belly.  

Unbidden, she imagines lying on her side upon a reclined chair, Laurel sitting next to her and holding her hand as a carefully selected artist etches the finishing touches into a custom design upon the skin high up on her left rib cage – the side closest to her heart -  that appears to be a laurel wreath bisected by a knight’s lance.  The image does things to Dinah that cannot account for.  Never before has she been stricken with the impulse to get such an intimately personal tattoo to join her Marine Corps insignia, as if she subconsciously is already harboring a desire to be branded as Laurel’s woman.  

Shit! Dinah shudders as the image dissolves, leaving her excited and frightened and a little turned on all at once.  Thankfully, her return to the present is timely, as she glances up just in time to receive Laurel’s languid response.

“You heard me.  You like me.  And not just because I keep it so real for you.”  Lifting her finger from Dinah’s arm, Laurel slides her hand down until her palm slides into place against Dinah’s.  Just like at the shelter, their fingers thread together as if designed to be mated.  The expression on Laurel’s face then turns decidedly emotional.  “You care about me.  For me.  Not just because I look like someone you used to love or am a useful ally because of my job, my kickass ninja skills, or my meta powers.  In spite of all the hurt between us, you see something in me worthwhile.”  She ducks her head, looks up at Dinah through her long lashes.  “I can tell because it’s the same way that I care for you.”

Dinah exhales sharply as if punched, just without all the consequential pain.  This is it.  It’s really happening.  All of the tension that has built up since their eyes met across the crowded cafeteria at the shelter has come to a percussive crescendo. On Christmas Eve of all days.  Is this my present?  Is this what I’ve waited all year for?  All my fucking life for?  And not even known it ‘til now?  Hell yes it is!  How she knows, she can’t say, nor would she at the risk of killing the magic.  Some things are better left assigned to the mysterious and fickle hands of fate.  And since said hands seem to be favoring her tonight, Dinah is more than happy to surrender this one without a fight.

“Laurel...are you saying what I think you are?” she asks after tipping up Laurel’s chin.

Knowing instinctively that this is the moment, the one that will define the rest of her life, Laurel braces herself and summons up every last ounce of her courage.  For too long she has pined secretly over Dinah, often times secretly even to herself.  There was ample reason, to be sure, but all of those seem to have been rendered moot by whatever Christmas magic is operating to give her the one thing she has wanted more than all else since an audacious, slightly self-righteous, lionhearted woman kept her from murdering a federal judge after she bared her heart on behalf of someone she will always love and was cruelly shot down.  

That day Dinah saved more than the life of one heartless judge, she saved Laurel’s too.  That was the singular event, the axial minute, the pivotal hour that made her believe she could actually make a go of this good guy shit the other Laurel draped around neck like a cloak of calling.  Quentin had started her down this path and his death had kept her upon it by a thread most days.  But if Dinah hadn’t gone out of her way when she didn’t have to and all but told Laurel she believed it was possible for her to be redeemed, none of this would be possible.  Before then, a backslide was inevitable.  

And so Laurel mentally buckles up and floors the gas pedal, if for no other reason than she owes Dinah the truth.  Come what may.  

“If you think I’m saying every time I’m close to you my heart starts racing like it’s going to jump out of my chest, then yes,” she says, investing her heart into her words as possible never before. She squeezes Dinah’s hand a bit harder, willing her to hear and understand that none of what she is hearing is bullshit, that every last syllable is being wrenched from the bottom of what’s left of her heart.  “If you think I’m saying I think about you constantly, then yes.  If you think I’m saying I’ve never met anyone like you who makes me feel all the crazy, amazing, scary things you make me feel, then yes.  If you think I’m saying I daydream about what it would feel like to hold you, kiss you, and wake up with you in my arms, then hell yes to that, too.  Truth is, I’ve felt this way for a while now.  I think it started that day outside the Courthouse when you stopped me from doing something incredibly stupid.  The way you looked at me…I couldn’t remember the last time anybody looked at me that way, and all I knew was I wanted more.  These past few months, I’ve done everything I can to insinuate myself into your life because for whatever twisted reason, I’m drawn to you, and I just can’t seem to help myself.”

For an unbearable few seconds, Dinah says nothing, just sits there staring at Laurel while clenching her hand so hard that Laurel starts to lose feeling in her fingers.  Dread rears its ugly head shortly thereafter.  

Oh, God.  Have I blown it?  Have I scared her away?  Did I read this all wrong?  I’m gonna lose her.  Fuck!  No, no, no...

“Wow. I, uh...wow.”  

When Dinah manages that breathless response, it doesn’t inspire much confidence in Laurel that the panic clawing at her chest and clogging her throat are an overreaction.  At this point, addled as her brain is, all she can think of is that she needs to backtrack as quickly as possible and salvage their friendship.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to...”

“No!” Dinah’s interruption is a mini explosion that startles Laurel so badly she jumps.  “Just...stop right there.  That was a lot to take in at once, but not in a bad way.”

The sensation of relief that washes over Laurel is nothing short of blissful.  All of that anxiety might have been for nothing after all. If so, that means Dinah does feel the same as her.  And if that is true, it means they might actually make a go of this.  There is so much on the line here, so much to lose, that the thought is almost terrifying.  Almost.  An overpowering urge to kiss those hypnotically plump lips of Dinah’s is overriding all other considerations.  

With her heart in her throat all of a sudden, Laurel runs her thumb along the back of Dinah’s hand and is pleased to see Dinah shiver in response.  “Really?”

“Really.” Dinah smiles crookedly.  “Turns out you’re a pretty smart cookie, Lance.  Your theory may be more of a fact.  Working with you on this case has been amazing.  You’ve been amazing.  And I know I shouldn’t, but I want to be close to you, Laurel.  Closer, even. So much closer.”  

That last bit is hardly more than a whisper, which Laurel hears clearly due to their heady proximity.  A frisson of pure joy runs down her body because that is the exact same thing she wants.  And not just metaphorically.  Right now she wants to be closer physically, too, which has some of her old spunk reappearing.

“How much closer, Dinah?” she asks, eyes hooded, nostrils flaring to indulge in the scent of coconut and jasmine that is uniquely Dinah. She inches forward, drawing their heads and upper torsos ever closer. “‘Cause I’m pretty sure there’s some mistletoe in the vicinity I could scrounge up if I need to.  You know, if you need an excuse to ask for a kiss.”

Dinah taps her index finger against her chin a couple times, feigning pretending to weight the need for such measures.  “Hmmm.” Then she shakes her head gently as her lips slide into an impish smile.  “Nah.  Direct is more my style.”

“A woman after my own heart.  Which, incidentally, is one of the many reasons I love you.”  Laurel gasps aloud the instant that very heavy phrase slides off her tongue.  She hadn’t meant to say it. “I...I��m so sorry.  That just slipped out.”

But Dinah does not appear shocked or appalled or angry or anything negative really.  Instead, she is still smiling as she leans in, her head tilting a fraction as their noses nearly come into contact. They are so close now Laurel can smell Dinah’s breath, sweet with hints of gingerbread and eggnog, as she speaks.  “It’s okay.  No need to apologize.  I liked it.”

“You did?”

“Mmhmm. Say it again, please.”  An emphasis is added when Dinah nuzzles the tips of their noses together.

Laurel has never felt so warm and alive.  And there is no way in hell that she would refuse that request, even if she had a gun to her head. She can think no better way to die than professing her love for Dinah Drake.

“Dinah.” She pauses, breathes deep, then opens up her heart and lets all of the repressed affection for this incredible woman spill out in three little enormous words.  “I love you.”

Heart in her eyes, Dinah responds with every bit as much emotion.  “Laurel. I love you, too.”  She then nibbles her lip affectedly, head tilting a bit further.  “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, you may.  Any time you wish,” Laurel says, her heart thudding in her chest as though it has been replaced by a Pamplona bull.

Dinah does not waste any time.  Holding Laurel’s gaze, she leans in until their lips are ever-so-lightly together, lets Laurel adjust and brushes them together from side-to-side until Laurel loses containment upon a high-pitched mewl that tears free from her throat, making her sound like a kitten being teased too long with the milk it so desperately craves.  Lips curling into a smile, Dinah stops the teasing at last and seals their lips together.  It’s their very first kiss, and it feel is so indescribable, so incredibly wonderful that Laurel’s brain short circuits.  In that moment, she is reduced to pure sensation, from the tingling of her lips as Dinah gently sucks upon them to the fire coursing through her veins, burning away every last vestige of doubt, fear, and anxiety over whether or not they might be ruining something irreplaceably precious and over whether or not she will ever deserve however much love Dinah is willing to expend upon her.  None of that matters when with one kiss

When Dinah pulls away a few seconds later, she hums in appreciation of what has just happened.  And then her eyes begin dancing merrily. “Just for future reference, was that little Wesleyan promise you made my Christmas present?  Infinite kisses?”

Laurel chuckles at the reference she actually understands.  They don’t have The Princess Bride on Earth-2, which is a crime in and of itself, but thankfully Dinah was kind enough to introduce her to one of this world’s classic romantic comedies.  Which was the reason she used that phrase.  How Wesley felt about Buttercup is pretty much exactly how she feels about Dinah.  Hopelessly devoted.  Willing to do anything and everything for her.  Willing to kill for her, and if she must, die for her.  That said, now is not the time for such declarations.  

“I actually was going to give you a Colt CQBP,” she says, smirking because she knows how much of a gun nut Dinah is.  “But now I’m thinking I like your idea better.”

“Ooo! How did you know I wanted one of those?  God, that’s so tempting. I think I agree with you, though.  The kisses sound like a much better deal.”

Laurel reacts accordingly, hands going to her chest as if flattered. Because she is.  Dinah turning down a gun for her kisses is a pretty big statement.  Almost as big as Ollie rejecting a new, spiffier bow in favor of his wife’s smooches.  

“Oh, my.  I’ve got a sweet talker on my hands.  Are you gonna make me regret...”

With a growl, Dinah interrupts the spiel Laurel was about to launch into about giving Dinah a brand new avenue of attack with which to get her way.  

“Shut up, woman, and give me more of what I really want.”

“My God, you are so demanding.”  Laurel caps off the comment with dimpled grin.

“And you wouldn’t have me any other way,” says Dinah, who then without warning surges forward to claim Laurel’s lips in a searing kiss with none of the tentative nature of the first.

After some indeterminate amount of time exploring one another on the couch with eager lips and combative tongues and adventurous hands, they draw apart reluctantly, their lips breaking contact with a satisfying smack.  As she leans away from the sole source of her current inundation with unadulterated bliss, Laurel inadvertently glances up at the clock only to note that it is, in fact, five minutes past twelve.  Christmas Eve is officially over, which can only mean one thing.  

Reaching out with her left hand, she tenderly cups Dinah’s cheek.  “Merry Christmas, Dinah.”

Burrowing into the embrace, Dinah’s answering smile is one for the ages. “Merry Christmas, Laurel.”

Which it most certainly is.  In fact, it will turn out to be the most Merry Christmas Laurel has ever had.  Until next year, that is, when she wakes up with a gloriously naked and happily sated Dinah sleeping soundly sprawled atop her.  Or the next year, where she awakens to a very frisky Dinah kissing and licking up the length of her inner thigh and doesn’t stop until arrival at the Promised Land.  Or the year after that when they are engaged and spend an unbelievably awesome Christmas with Sara and Ava back in 18th century at the winter home of the legendary Carolus Rex of Sweden.  Or the year after that, the best yet, when her present is little stick with two pink lines.

Some might say Merry Christmas as a perfunctory salutation to friends and family, but not Laurel.  She means it every time she says it.  And how can she not?  Dinah makes every Christmas a merry one for her.

[nezothecat]

Chapter 13

The travel time between the Forestlands and the Beryldot estate wasn't that far, but for Naell, it was the farthest mentally, as he was exhausted from trying to be polite to the blue-haired mage shop owner of Arigare.

Sestra and the Lieutenant throughout the journey accompanied Sebastian and Naell. The young master was smiling and spoke even softer than before, and even made use of the so-called customer service facade he had learned from his many part-time jobs back on Earth.

"So Young master, what kind of magic was that?" Sestra was inquiring about the magic Naell used that saved her life.

Those who heard the question started gathering closer towards the group. Even Sebastian's usually perfect smile, out of his curiosity, had cracks on it.

"Lady Sestra, do you mean this?" As Naell said that, small shining bits of mana began gathering towards the young mage.

"Just like I thought, that is complex magic... But that looks kinda different from the one before." Sestra said as she closely observed the palm-sized snow crystal that appeared and hovered above the young master's left palm.

Sebastian's gaze was full of interest while his face seemed to say "again with the surprises".

"Lady Sest---"

"Please just call me sister."

Upon hearing that, it then seemed to Naell that after getting to know her, she'd seem to be the cheerful-yet-strict kind.

"Sister Sestra, I wouldn't say it is complex but..."

"But?" Lieutenant Estra was the one who asked. Even an aura user like him knew of such magic.

COMPLEX MAGIC is a term used to characterize the craftier use of magic. Sebastian's utilization of [ FORTRESS ] could be considered as one.

That was why, most of them were quite surprised, since to their knowledge, mages would usually develop complex magic through long years of experience. Sebastian could only proudly smile at his mysterious student as he thought,

'Now that I think of it, I did not even teach him my fortress, yet he managed to make one.'

Naell knew of the basic composition behind things like fire--- fuel, heat, and oxygen. That was why he had a hard time explaining the concepts that barely existed in that world, as magic had mostly replaced the concept of common sense and science.

"But it was just a bigger snowflake."

.

.

.

All of them were flabbergasted, even Sebastian who was expecting a similar answer. Still, he was the one who managed to respond,

"That... Is true, but Naell, the magic behind the snow crystal you made is already complex. Not to mention, to form such a complicated figure with ease is already an incredible feat."

"Young master, it is as complex as teacher Sebastian's snow fortresses." Sestra could not hold herself back. Saying it was simple was like comparing it to her earth javelin.

"I did not form the snow per se... Just like sister Sestra mentioned, its form is different from the other one." Naell recalled how his favorite vocalist once sang, "Every snowflake's different just like you."

He then added on,

"I simply used magic to make some ice crystals, which then latched onto the dust particles around the atmosphere. All I had to do was make it bigger."

Upon explaining the concept behind his snow crystals, Naell noticed the gazes of confusion and mass jaw-drops.

"Ahhh, since summer started, I got into reading books which helped me understand things more clearly. Ha HA ha."

They could only laugh dryly at his response.

"And besides..."

"...It was a memento of my mother."

Silence and a long awkward sadness filled their surroundings. They were certain that Naell's cold eyes looking beyond the horizon, was actually the lonely gaze of a young boy.

Yet that couldn't be further from the truth. They never noticed how Naell was fidgeting from all the stares, nor did they know he just looked elsewhere to avoid their gazes.

'I'm sorry Alic--- Mom I was really hoping not to make an excuse out of you.'

"Young master, sorry for asking too much..." Lieutenant Estra was the one who apologized first while tapping his sister's shoulder. Soon, others followed suit by nodding apologetically.

"No, it's okay.''

"Still, it's no wonder you could pull that off, Young master. Your snow fortress could even block hordes of goblins."

The statement caught Sestra's attention.

"It was... Really you?" Sestra knew of the incident regarding the goblin invasion. Rumor had it that the one who made the snow fortress was actually a frosted ghostman bearing a translucent complexion, and not Sebastian.

Sebastian could only remind the Lieutenant after his oopsie.

"Lieutenant... That was a secret."

"I'm sorry Captain, Young master, I.."

"It is ok, Lieutenant Estra. I just don't really want anymore rumors about me, so I hope it will not spread."

"Understood, Young master." The Lieutenant and Sestra nodded in agreement. Both then thought that Naell was being a humble kid, straying away from all the achievements.

"Hohoho, It is just sad to take credit from my student's achievement."

"HA...Ha...ha..." Naell could only laugh. He knew achievements would only bring him closer to the Duke of Arigare, and that is not an option he was willing to take. Not to mention, being called a frosted ghostman was making him cringe.

With their arrival at the Beryldot estate, Naell was greeted and hugged by Lily upon entering their home. The Lieutenant carried on with Sebastian to report the status of the subjugation to Baron Fharom.

Naell's curiosity was piqued from hearing that someone visited their home, and that even his father was busy tending to the visitor's needs. He made guesses to soothe his curiosity.

'A high noble perhaps...'

Then a horrible thought greeted his mind,

'...Please not the Duke.' Naell wished sincerely as surprises like that really ought to kill him.

Fortunately, his suspicions were debunked seeing Sestra leave urgently to Arigare. She intended to report to the Adventurer's guild as soon as possible, and had no interest in the guest. With this, a sigh of relief escaped Naell's person.

Right after, he immediately sought a bath to cleanse both his body and his damaged mind from all the questions and near-death moments he had to face.

He then went to eat dinner and was surprised to see his family at the table, waiting for him. With their late arrival, he thought they'd already be done.

Sebastian was also seated which by then was an often occurrence in the household. Naell had no idea if that was the case with the old him, but he didn't question further as seeing his Sensei eat with them just felt right.

"Welcome back Elder and Naell." Said Lilia who couldn't hide her gladness, as both of them made it for dinner.

Naell's attention quickly diverted from his thoughts.

"Thank you, Mom."

"Hohoho"

Immediately, Baron Fharom asked his son. He could not wait as he was excited to see what Sebastian and Estra had told him.

"I heard from Elder Sebastian... Snow?"

"Yes, Father." Naell casually presented a snow crystal from his right hand. The seemingly pristine figure made the young Lily stand up with admiration.

"Woah... It's very pretty, brother!"

"It should be. I was making it while thinking of my adorable little sister."

The seven-year-old noticeably glowed from the statement.

"Hehehe"

"Well done. Your training bore fruit." Added on Baron Fharom who was wickedly smirking. Lilia smiled as she knew her husband's intentions of bragging it to the lovey-dovey couple.

"All thanks to your support, Father. Not to mention Mom, Lily, and Sensei's teaching."

"Grandpa is so cool!"

"Hohoho, It was because your brother is a genius, Little one."

Naell deactivated his magic and continued eating. His face was flushed with embarrassment as Lily and Sebastian continued on complimenting him. Watching them, Fharom and Lilia looked at the three with a lukewarm smile.

Months of the serene setting was satisfying to Naell. He felt at peace seeing the Beryldot family smiling and sitting together.

"By the way, Naell."

"Yes, Father."

"You better start preparing for your travel to the capital next week. It is alright to train, but for this week, I hope you will prioritize that first."

"I understand."

"It will be quite lonely without you here Naell." Lilia said while smiling, yet the sadness in her voice was prominent.

"Brother, don't go..." Naell saw how sincere Lilia's soft voice was. On the other hand, his sister was downcasted knowing her brother would be gone next week to study in the capital.

"Mom, Lily, I will come home often so please look forward to the presents I'll be bringing back!"

"Don't bribe me, brother!"

"Hohoho"

"Hahaha" They all laughed and continued eating the delicious food flooding their table, all at the warm comfort of their home.

But amidst the peaceful scene, no one noticed Naell fearfully flinch. A familiar feeling came over him.

'...W---What is this?' A strong hint of mana strongly pierced Naell's senses, before vanishing without warning. He quickly glanced over to Sebastian to see his reaction, yet he was greeted by his usual demeanor, calmly eating in the process.

'Was that just my imagination?" He was reminded of similar strong mana deep in the forest. Yet even with the brief appearance, he knew what he sensed was much stronger.

Naell caught himself deep in thought. He tried to seem unfazed and carried on with his meal, but even with his countless attempts of brushing it aside, the thought stayed in the back of his head.

[peppersandcats]

In reply to my comment on 'Bad Wisdom' you said: "Am always happy to try and discuss where my characterization comes from... or why I wrote him as acting as he does, and completely understand that there's room for other people to read him differently." And this does fascinate me, because you take a very minor character (at least, in the TV show) and really bring him to life. Does your characterisation of Axel mainly come from his comics version? Or is it mainly improvised, or a combo of both?

It’s nearly entirely prompted by the TV show, but I tend to go off in funny directions when given prompts.

(Something I feel I should make clear: the TV show brought me to the comics, not the other way around. I did not know who the Flash was before the TV show, beyond “fast guy in a red suit I remembered from one comic book panel”. I had never heard of Captain Cold. I didn’t know Barry Allen and Iris West were a thing, let alone a One True Thing. I didn’t even recognize who Barry Allen was when he showed up on Arrow.)

(I had somehow picked up that there was a thing called the Speed Force and that it made liquids float, and when the light of my life showed me the trailer that was actually what made me realize that I was watching a trailer for The Flash. The guy named Barry, the lines about a good heart and fast legs, the guy in the lightning? Vague nagging sense of familiarity. Floating liquids in a vaguely lablike setting? That tipped me off.)

(The LOML despairs of my awareness of pop culture.)

I have done some reading since; I generally characterize my knowledge as patchy, although I remember what I have read fairly well. I’m sure I’ve put in a couple of nods to the comics as I’ve read them (e.g. I know that his hair being blond when he was younger was a direct nod to that), and there are obviously parallels (Axel in the comics I’ve seen is almost always portrayed as a kid trying to live up to and get to be a part of something, and that’s blatantly in the show), but most of my headcanon for TV!Axel is either based off the TV episode, or at least checked to make sure it doesn’t contradict it.

From the TV show, boiled down to something coherent and stripping out the extra paragraphs of justification because they meandered, here’s what I got about Axel:

He is incredibly devoted to TV!James Jesse, who I feel comfortable summarizing to people who don’t watch the show as “basically the Joker.” (Let me tell you, when I started looking into the comics, I had so much to unlearn about James Jesse. So. Much. Thanks, Mark Hamill.)

Between Axel’s devotion and his desire to be like Jesse, Jesse’s master-manipulator schtick (talking a criminal psychologist into killing himself based on weekly visits), and the fact that this has been going on for ten years, we can assume that the interaction was deeply affecting pretty early on. A lot of things people do when they’re fourteen or fifteen get dropped pretty fast, in the grand scheme of things; a fifteen-year-old who kept up a relationship for ten years, especially one where exchanges were conducted at the relatively glacial pace of postal mail (as opposed to, say, texting), was one who was really into it.

(A lot of this, by the way, is me trying to articulate the gut reactions I went with. I am doing that thing humans do where they make a decision and then explain it; I think I am managing to give you a fairly accurate explanation of how my thoughts ran, but I can only do so well.)

This means that the fifteen-year-old teenager who was getting obsessed with a serial killer managed to successfully hide it from everyone who should have been keeping an eye on him; either he’s really good at hiding things or he didn’t have a lot of close adult supervision. I figured the latter was a bit easier to swallow and easier to swallow was easier to write (I am still trying to settle entirely comfortably on how the hell Jesse found Axel in the first place; I’ve got a couple of semi-solid ideas, but nothing set, so I tend towards keeping the rest of it simple), and there are already enough actively terrible parents in the Rogues, so I went with Axel not having parents present (biological or foster) and figured he grew up in state care.

Kids who age out of foster care are not often given a lot of support.

Incidentally: I (largely - I have one counter-example head-canon that I want to write up) do not believe that Jesse is Axel’s biological father; I ramble about why here, but it boils down to “that is a perfect example of a cold read and given everything you have shown me about the Trickster this episode like hell I am believing him thank you”.

Furthermore, I get the appeal of true crime geekery, but I would not write to an actual serial killer, and would expect that the general reaction would be shock and disquiet if I did. From this I’m figuring that Axel not only didn’t have much attentive supervision, but he did not grow up with a lot of close/concerned friends; either he scared people off, or he kept up a normal facade but kept the really important thing in his life a secret from everyone. (I went with both. Both is good.) This isolation also meshes with the kind of distance from other people that I feel would be necessary to bring yourself to drop bombs on small children, even if the most important person in your life was asking you to do it. (Would you do it for the most important person in your life? Like, not to save their life but as part of a plan to rob people? No? Yeah, me either.)

So far, what you’ve got is a kid who cares about Jesse, only cares about Jesse, and has not particularly bonded with social norms of behaviour.

But in a counterpoint to this… well, I can’t really imagine Axel sitting still much; he cackles, he preens, he slinks, he threatens, he giggles, he moves. So he gets a letter, he reads it, he writes a response, and then… he waits for two or three days? Five, if there’s a weekend in there? Longer, if whoever’s sneaking letters out from Jesse needs a little extra time? Axel doesn’t seem like someone who’d just sit around; I feel like he must have been doing something during the between times, and recreating a 2010s version of Jesse’s costume would only take so much time. Plus he was twenty-five; since I’ve already written off the idea that he was living with parents, he has to have been able to function well enough with people to earn money, pay rent, buy food, and avoid leaving any police records worth mentioning. Admittedly everyone on the CW is TV-pretty, but Axel does look like he’s putting resources and time into maintaining himself. He doesn’t look like a guy who over the last ten years was regularly forgetting to eat or brush his teeth or get out of bed because he’s been spending the last two days rereading this week’s letter, you know?

So: only cares about Jesse, no real attachment to social norms, but is capable of interacting with others in a sustainable way. He seems to enjoy getting reactions out of people (I think it was @notsolittlegirlevenmorelost who first made the observation to me that no-one becomes the Trickster because they’re shy), but I’ve got no reason to think he’s stupid, he was a kid without the full and active attention of a guardian, and he doesn’t have any police records worthy of mention when the cops identify him. It seems reasonable to conclude that he learned early that there are times you need to limit how much you annoy people who have more power than you - no-one else was guaranteed to be looking out for him, and yet we’ve got no indication that he ever faced significant social or societal consequences for his (probably unacceptable) behaviour. I get that this last is fully into “not contradicted by the show” rather than “actively based on it”, but hey, it works for me.

(He reads as younger than twenty-five to me, honestly; and the kind of guy who has access to a “Felicity-caliber scrambler” might also have a plausible way to change records of his legal age (or, re my earlier point, have erased arrest records). But I still read him as an adult; that’s partly the actor’s age, partly that none of the cops looking at the Trickster II react as if he’s a kid. He’s childish, but you can get childish adults.)

Another thing I got from the show (cheers to Devon Graye’s acting; really, I think he did a great job with very little screentime) was that he doesn’t seem like he’s planned out a lot of what he’s doing. He’s got a kind of “oh come on now, you suck” reaction to getting arrested, which might be not wanting to look weak or might suggest that he isn’t exactly focussed a lot on consequences. Look at his expression when he blows a hole in Iron Heights - it’s very “I need to turn this corner, and then move forward ten feet, and okay now I press the button, and– oh 💥holy💥shit!💥”; I don’t read it as smug, I read it as thrilled. He’s going into the plan without fully understanding it (e.g., Henry Allen’s kidnapping) and he’s okay with this. I ran with this as someone who can be extremely comfortable with living in the moment. He’ll play the long game for Jesse - he’ll do anything for Jesse - but left to himself he doesn’t seem especially driven. He comes across as someone who’d be happy with a kind of kid-in-a-candy-store live-in-the-moment life (and that would be convenient because it wouldn’t result in any attachments that conflicted with what Jesse wanted of him, either).

Finally - and this is not due to the episode, but there’s room for it in the episode because James Jesse is presented as such a powerful influence - I write him as not trying to hurt people unless they’ve hurt him first. I think he’s an extremely dangerous person to be around, and someone who doesn’t really care about people in the abstract. But between the kind of laissez-faire attitude to not-Jesse things and the fact that he can function to some degree around other people, I figured he was capable of being at least casually or superficially social, and he doesn’t actively dislike people, he just reads himself as being nicer or smarter than most of them. (This is a comfort-based decision; there is a limit to the amount of fun I have writing people who are actively malicious and sadistic, and I didn’t feel like doing it. Also I kind of love unreliable narrators, and Axel Walker genuinely believing that he’s a nice person in any kind of objective sense makes me giggle gleefully.)

I think that’s most of it, or at least most of it for the moment. Hope it was kind of interesting?

[eliz1369]

Fic Writers Week - Words of Validation

Can I just say you all are the most amazing reviewers? I never expected to find so much love for all of my stories and particularly An Unearned Gift. Seeing those emails appear instantly turns my day around. For every one that I’ve listed here, there’s 10 others I could have grabbed. Seriously you all are beyond amazing and I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you!

I had so much fun reading this chapter and I lost count of how many times I smiled or straight-out grinned at the interactions and characterizations! It was amazing to be reading a modern AU and feeling like I could be right back in the original story. I should also add that Sannan's part was downright creepy, but you did it all without him saying or doing anything truly unreasonable or irrational. The ending, though! I've never seen Kaoru so well set up before, and his potential for doing damage is incredible. I'm going to ignore that for a while, though, and go back to enjoying everyone's smiling faces. :)

This chapter is one of my favorites. I like the overall atmosphere of suspense and tension. I also like your portrayal of Chizuru very much. She’s so reliable, strong-willed and determined. At the same time she’s nowhere near misery, uselessness and boredom. And she’s also starting to see past Souji’s facade. The best moment was her acknowledging his judgement and his right to make decisions. I like how they approach each other step by step. The pace of your story is very well-done. Your mentioned that you have detailed outline for it and I see how it works - there are no random things, no rashness; everything moves smoothly. I also like how you place core phrases and moments. And the icing of the cake (for me) is your Souji’s portrayal. He’s very true to his original self. I just admire him in your story. His sarcastic lines are perfect!

So... Now you're helping Hakuouki fans learn cutting edge hacking - sorry, passively-listening-in-possibly - technology? Good thing most of us are pretty lawful by nature...

Oooh, things are really taking off now! Nagakura-san was too funny in this chapter, and Harada's caring character really shined through, too. But Souji! He was SEXY, which... Startled me, since I usually don't see him that way. Lol! Love, love, loved the update!

Well, the gold glitter is one of the best Souji’s pranks, I’ve ever seen! ) And his later jokes about sparkling commander were hilarious.

This is legitimately one of the most enjoyable fanfics I have read in a very, very long time and I have found myself checking back at least once a day hoping for a new chapter since I caught up. You have a real talent for both capturing the essence of the Hakuouki characters and developing them into something unique, and I cannot wait to read more. Thank you for this unexpected gem of a story. :)

I keep thinking about this piece where Souji thinks that Chizuru is light and tiny, but the power of her personality makes her presense more vivid. I really like this moment! It's a great description! It sums up so much about Chizuru

You have no idea how excited I was when I checked my email when I got home. Today was just such a long day and reading such a well-written chapter really made my day. Another great chapter and I adore how flustered Chizuru gets. It makes me want to go pinch her cheeks.

Sannan as the coroner/ME is SO perfect. Genius. (Also, I laughed when Chizuru thought that something seemed “off” about him lol and then again when Sannan told her that she was “decidedly less troublesome” than some of the others)

I've forgotten to log in again 

[logh-icebergs]

Episode 1: In the Eternal Night

Early 796/487; the Battle of Astate. The Free Planets Alliance idiotically splits their 40,000 ships into three fleets far apart from each other, leaving Reinhard and his 20,000 Empire ships free to take advantage of them despite being outnumbered. Yang sees this coming, but his proposal gets steamrolled by his shortsighted commanding officer, Paeta. Reinhard wipes out the Alliance’s fourth fleet, and when Paeta again refuses to take Yang’s advice, the sixth fleet as well—which included Yang’s former classmate, Lapp. Meanwhile, Reinhard and Kircheis make moon-eyes at each other, Annerose gazes sadly into a bouquet of flowers, and Reuental and Mittermeyer go on a date. Yang and Dusty talk a lot of well-justified shit about their superiors.  

Reinhard and Kircheis

A lot has changed between Reinhard and Kircheis since the events of “My Conquest,” but we won’t learn about that until Episodes 9-12 of LoGH: Gaiden, so just keep it in the back of your mind for now and we’ll return to it later. Extensively.

A lot has also changed for Reinhard and Kircheis—which we won’t hear about directly for some time, either, but at the very least: No, you’re not losing your mind; Reinhard’s last name has changed from Musel to Lohengramm. It’s a whole aristocracy thing, and the anime team deemed it Not Important Enough To Get Super Into At The Moment, so I’m going to take my cue from them. (For now, again.)

More importantly, episode 1 gives us our first substantive glimpse into the Reinhard/Kircheis dynamic beyond just how they look at each other (though we get that too—based on this episode, I’m honestly not sure Kircheis is capable of looking anywhere but at Reinhard). 

Anyway, above, where Kircheis reminds Reinhard that the soldiers under his command might benefit from taking a short rest, is our first example of something that we’re going to see a great deal: Kircheis gently nudging Reinhard to be a bit more empathetic than comes naturally to him. But don’t let that aspect of their relationship fool you into thinking they are on opposite ends of the archetypical warmth-coolness spectrum. There’s very little Reinhard can’t persuade (or, less charitably, order) Kircheis to do, as we’ll see later, and the fact that they are both susceptible to one another’s influence indicates that neither is too far to one side.

And speaking of topics that would be a lot easier to parse if only they were as black-and-white as they first appeared...

Annerose

When given the choice between shying away from something difficult and facing it head on, LoGH tends aggressively towards the latter. Its unwillingness to simplify situations for the sake of straightforward storytelling, or black-and-white solutions, is a big part of what makes LoGH better than, uh, everything else. And occupying a particularly difficult space in the LoGH landscape is Annerose, Reinhard’s older sister and the favored concubine of Kaiser Friedrich IV.

Annerose is a tragic figure, and on the surface she’s characterized as a pretty one-dimensional martyr-type, which can be frustrating and confusing in a show where even the most minor character contains multitudes. But Annerose does contain multitudes—they’re just hidden under a series of facades, erected by a woman who has been subjected to a decade of sexual slavery, and by a creative team that was trying, in 1988, to tell a story about two boys falling in love.

Our first glimpse of Annerose in the OVA (you might remember her as the hologram those rude soldiers were leering at in an Iserlohn bar during “My Conquest”) is not actually of her, but rather of her reflection, upside-down and backwards in a lake. She’s looking at herself when the camera pans up to where she’s sitting placidly on a balcony above the water.

I’ll wait till we get further on before I start throwing around Narcissus comparisons, but they’re coming.

That first warped image of Annerose is this season’s biggest hint that we shouldn’t be taking anything about Annerose—how other characters see her, how she sees herself, even her ostensible role in the story—at face value. But on the other hand, the creators were counting on some viewers to take her at face value, because Annerose’s presence is a huge part of the heteronormative surface reading that allows LoGH to “pass” as something other than a collection of politically-themed queer love stories. More about that when we get to episode 4; for now, let’s talk about Annerose herself.

You will see versions of this scene a goddamn LOT, so get used to it.

Annerose presents as a traditional, heteronormative romantic heroine, mostly insofar as she appears to be terminally bland. There is nothing immediately interesting or appealing about Annerose, but it is signalled to us that she is Good: She is beautiful, docile, and a victim, the quintessential damsel in perpetual distress. She feels like a symbol, in a world richly populated by humans; her identity is presented to us as revolving entirely around men. There’s no way around it: As our first named female character, Annerose is irritating as hell.

But literally everything I just said is on the surface. Or, several surfaces, all stacked up on top of each other between Annerose and the people around her, and between Annerose and us, the viewer. There’s a reason she seems so much more archetypical and, frankly, poorly written than any other character in this show, and it’s that what we see is not Annerose herself, but how the world reflects her. As we spend more time with Annerose, we’ll dig deeper into the specifics of her whole situation, and get to the bottom of what she’s doing in LoGH. Hopefully by the time we’re done, she’ll look more like a person and less like an upside-down-and-backwards version of the same person.

Oh, and one more thing: Adding to the many layers of obscurity between Annerose and us, is the fact that in the LoGH novels and short stories, Annerose is heavily implied to be Kircheis’s love interest, whereas in the anime, Kircheis’s love interest is Reinhard. There are a few ways we know for sure that this was an intentional divergence, which we’ll definitely bring up when we get to them (primarily not until the first Gaiden series though, so please be patient!), but for now it’s just important to keep this in mind for understanding yet another reason why Annerose’s very presence can at times feel unsettling or out of place: She’s a character who has been completely repurposed but only minimally changed from her source material.

Power

We’ll have a bit more to say about the actual battle that’s going on when it continues in episode two, but I want to point out one contrast that’s deftly drawn here between Reinhard and Yang.

The parallel here is not especially subtle, but it’s a key one: Reinhard and Yang are (rather comically) the only people who seem to realize that if the Alliance forces are split into three small groups, the Empire can pick them off one by one; but Reinhard is in a position to demand that the doubtful and resentful admirals under his command execute his strategy, while Yang is stuck making proposals to stubborn commanding officers. These two scenes coming back-to-back serve as a quick way to establish this dynamic, which becomes a theme that evolves throughout the show.

Stray Tidbits

Hey it’s some of that matter-of-fact worldbuilding I talked about in our first post!! And also an important opportunity to remark on how much I personally would love to have a tank bed of my very own:

The back-and-forth about philosophy of war is very first-episode-y, establishing a basic framework of Yang’s pragmatism against the more ideal-driven decisions of the commanders. (“We must never abandon our allies! We must never consider defeat a real option!”) It feels a bit trite for sure, but it’s setting up for the future.

Oh yeah, also Yang’s best friend from school is introduced and then immediately killed off. Pretty bold move really. More on this later.

An astonishingly high percentage of the time we see Reuental and Mittermeyer, they’re on a date, and their appearance in this episode is no exception. Get it, you two!