#given most of the stuff I draw is for myself generally anyways

[arkaylarts]

Today is my birthday and if anyone thinks I've been self indulgent with any of my blorbo art before now... just you wait

[skunkes]

ok detailed surgery experience

i made this schedule (?) of the major events as soon as I left while I cld still remember (and still kinda forgot!) i like knowing the Times of stuff so I asked my dad to take note of Times for me, and tried to ask for the time where i could

surgery I got was a laproscopic bilateral salpingectomy, full removal of the fallopian tubes only!

Misc details off of dis, obviously TMI territory as its a medical procedure.

The second blood draw (they took blood from me yesterday tooooo) hurt less and more somehow. Nasty nasty bruise forming.

IV really was the worst part of it ! I'd get weird throbs of frustrating pain long after it was in

I was given compression stockings that went right up to my crotch. Your toes stick out, and they put hospital socks over your feet. Some additional compress wraps were placed above my knees.

Pre op/prep didnt take too long at all. I know I have it listed as over an hour of waiting, which always made me nervous to read in other people's experiences, but it doesn't really feel like waiting. The TV helps pass the time, as do the people who are with you if any, and the nurses popping in with help or instructions or updates. The prep room was small and the bathroom was next door. The double doors open to wheel you out. Remote was given toe to control the TV and also call the nurses via a speaker.

The nurse who wheeled me in was nicest, she pronounced my name Correctly and was also really funny and friendly...

In general I knew this surgery was going to go well because I was actually able to fall asleep last night. I've stayed awake/tossed and turned for events far less stressful. Dis was also due to part of it kind of not feeling real for me! And being wheeled into surgery room added to that! It didnt feel real, it felt like watching one of many scenes from medical media of the same point of view.

I did start quaking and shaking once in the surgery room (also small, I did not look around much in fear of it making me panic last minute!)

They had me scoot from the prep bed to the surgery table. There was a pink foam headrest for me to slot the back of my head into. They strap you in with arms out like ur being crucified and thats when it became more Real for me so i started shaking a lot, but I can't tell how bad it was under the heavy blankets. I think I shook more and for longer when I went for my MRI (which also isnt/wasnt scary but the body freaks out for no reason). Im surprised at myself for being so Calm ykwim

Anyway, strapped in, had monitoring stuff stickered onto my body: my sternum, side of body under chest/armpits, and another pair I cant remember where. Hair was put up in hair net. My hospital gown was untied as the tie starts halfway across your body and goes under, but this was not done in an invasive-to-privacy way, and I was still fully covered by it (and then recovered by blankets)

(3 separate people asked me how many kids I had throughout this whole venture, and were Shocked at my response. This was the other most nerve wracking part as I started to get weirdly anxious that someone wouldn't like this and cancel my surgery or something. One of the Askers was the anesthesiologist.) Doctor/surgeon came in and asked if i was ready and talked about how he loved being under anesthesia LOL. Everybody was speaking about their opinions about childbirth and sterilization and parenthood, but amongst each other and not to influence my decision, along with telling each other to set up XYZ. Once again everybody is charmed by Cheye's usage of the word "yay"

Ive never had surgery before, so I was worried about anesthesia. In my mind i was imagining it to be being fully lucid and then your vision darkens and takes you, which was scary to me like i dont wanna be freaking out and then immediately KNOCKED out!

But it was gradual which actually made it more calming for me...the funny nurse put the oxygen mask over me, I got very nervous bc she said to take deep breaths and honestly i couldnt even breath much at all in it, and breathing out also felt very restricting and like I was going to choke, but it wasn't Distressing. I just breathed slowly and it worked anyway.

In a few seconds I felt a cool tingle in my arm that then sort of burst into my torso, and my whole body felt really light and my eyelids draggggggged half closed, but it felt very mechanical and involuntarily (like slowly closing window blinds...or like how the brightness options on a 3DS are numbered buttons ykwim? Like, Closing 1, Closing 2, Closing 3, Closed Halfway, all pressed in quick succession). Heavy heavy heavy. I stayed in that half closed state for a while! (Probably not even a full minute, but it also wasn't instant...i still had time to think and Hear conversation etc, as well as feel that there was some mechanical thing tightening around my spread arms along with the hand adjusted straps)

The funny nurse was telling me to relax and have sweet dreams and that they wld take care of me and such. And then I was out. I do not remember my vision fully fading or eyes fully closing, in my mind they stayed in that half closed state.

Ive heard ppl say it feels like blinking and waking up, but it did feel like sleep to me!!!! I know dreaming under anesthesia isn't really a thing, but waking up felt like....i was really waking up like normal and trying to remember traces of a dream after several hours of sleep.

I always thought it was silly seeing ppl ask if the surgery was over when they come out of it, but I did that. But like i swear it came out involuntarily??? Like i knew it was over....i think it was because I couldnt really SEE anything when i woke up, I could only hear staff speaking to me, and I can barely remember what they said. Vision was VERY very blurred. So I guess that question came out as substitute for Where Am I, and Who's Here With Me? Speaking felt like when audio unsyncs from a video, with my voice trailing far behind my words. I also remember being really bewildered bc there was some sort of residue on my lips, like when they're chapped and dry and cracking. I learned later this was bc of the intubation but i Didnt Know That Yet so i was just scared and thirsty.

Adding another "pain was less bad than the average period which has one Doubled Over" statement to the pile. Pain was at 3/10 or 4/10, which is to say if period pain is a whole abdomen event, this pain was small little bruises occasionally being brushed up against, just small throbs of sore pain in the 3 incision spots. I got an incision inside my belly button and that was the most present sensation, but that might also be bc I hate anything having to do with that area in general 😭 always feels weird.

My throat felt very DRY. It wasn't pain yet, it felt like when you're thirsty + dehydrated and your lips stick together at any slight moisture, but in the throat. Kept trying to look around and wiggle my fingers and toes in hopes that'd help me Come Out Of It sooner bc not being able to see was really frustrating me. I could not make out the face of the person watching over me for some time. I really wanted water !

HORROR when the person looking over me said i had a catheter still in me. Nightmare I wasnt counting on actually happening and wasnt mentally prepared for. I was told I would have one placed (make sure to ask if this is a concern for you!) but i thought they'd take it out before I woke up... I cldnt even feel it in me when I was told this! Which is good.

The staff of course had to remove blankets and open my gown a bit to access the area. But I did not feel any distress about this at the time.

Had a very funny slow motion distress response bracing self for removal. It did not hurt or sting at all, it just felt like [something I cant describe here]. Just pressure! It was pulled out gently but quickly of course.

After 1 hr i was wheeled to a separate private recovery room. The nurse uncovered my lower area to check if incisions were doing good so far as well as to check if I had been provided with a pad/underwear, as some patients have blood or other fluids come out as a result of the surgery.

parents came in, was so grateful for juice but in dismay over my food item being orange (i dont like citrus flavor) jello (i dont like jello 😭) i consumed all of both.

I also worried I'd feel weird about throwing my body parts away. But I dont feel anything ^_^ just feels very awesome and natural

Sore throat started further developing. Nurse came in after some time here, taught me how to Get Up. Was scary! I was worried about it hurting, but it was just more soreness.

Was able to go to the bathroom, went a very little bit but it was enough. I was very scared about seeing my incisions and being disgusted by them....but I caught a glance and it was Okey Yey. They are covered in surgical Glue and dont look gnarly, swollen, red or anything they look very cool ^_^ got dressed in stages as there was nothing to set clothes down on and sat back down on the bed. The bathroom connected to another room where somebody else was preparing for surgery.

Nurse came in with final post op instructions, upon describing nausea to me my skin got cold, stomach activated and krusty krab exploded with it. She was just barely able to get me a bag to throw up in. This exacerbated the throat pain. She encouraged me to get it all out especially since I also expelled gas, which is a good thing.

IV removal didnt hurt! Same level of pain as the tape around it being yanked off. I couldn't even tell it was over. I was wheeled out of the hospital. ^_^ i wore an oversized dress my sister lent me, and cheap target sandals so I wouldnt have to bend to tie shoes. My dad pulled up the car right outside. I brought a pillow to be a barrier in between the seat belt and my stomach.

Its 6:48 neow and I am laying down, but the pain is (currently) the same. I had another nausea (and release. Also exacerbated throat pain.) spell (while in walmart picking up the pain meds), was boiling alive in my very hot room, and was a bit dehydrated which may have contributed to some misery and nausea but as of right now I'm ok, i changed into lighter clothes, drank water, ate a bit, and situated self in a room with ac....i worry about getting up and becoming nauseous again 😭 i hate throwing up.

People are right about it being more discomfort than pain! You have to walk around every few hours, and it doesnt hurt but every step feels like my bellybutton is kinda pinching inward. Being tugged at from the inside. Ive gotten to a point where even chuckling makes me feel this very Sour soreness (not regular dull soreness) so maybe ill start the meds soon if necessary.... Squatting to sit doesnt hurt in a debilitating way, neither does actually sitting or putting on/stepping into clothing.

I couldnt nap because laying on my side doesnt hurt the incisions or anything, BUT its just the strange discomfort again. The weight of gravity on the body makes the incision sites feel very very weird in an abstract way i cant describe. It isnt pain. It feels like a mismatched sensation of some sort. Like if you touched your nose and somehow felt the touch on your knee. Adjacent to this. A very specific sensation sits in all the incision sites and drags down through your mattress to the ground and it feels Weird.

If you get up properly it really doesn't hurt to do so! Use your leg to get yourself fully onto your side, then use your arm to push yourself up into a sitting position.

I am very nervous from when all the good strong hospital meds wear off t_t i heard the day after is a struggle because of dis. but ive got the prescribed pain management on hand (extra strength ibuprofen and tylenol with codeine!! O_O) neow at least ^_^;

OH, AND THE DOCTOR TOOK FOTOS OF MY INSIDES LIKE I ASKED! ^_^ 🫶 I have glossy printed souvenir now! I dont exactly know wtf im looking at but its awesum LOL maybe i will ask for details at the follow up!

[shootingstarrfish]

HOW DO YOU DRAW SO QUICKLY AGH

I swear every time I turn around you’ve posted another masterpiece I’m jealous you can draw so fast it takes me like 3 days at least for a piece lol

AHH i keep being asked this and im flattered yall think this?? ill take a bit to explain the choices that help with my speed and circumstantial stuff that helps a lot

obligatory YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THINGS FAST taking your time is good!! i just get bored easily so i like being done with things and moving on, but i'm very aware of the fact that social media rewards this and punishes inconsistency so i get it lol

long ass ramble under the cut lol

okay so things i deliberately do to draw fast-

i specifically have 2 distinct styles because i constantly have too many ideas, and most of them don't need to be several hour long illustrations so i try to pick my battles and go for a simpler more expressive style for shitposts/memes/etc and reserve my more detailed style for ideas that actually benefit from having that extra time and effort. ofc this won't work for everyone but i tend to have 50 styles at any given moment anyway so giving myself the freedom to switch between them has been really nice

not necessarily deliberate??? but theres no perfectionism in this house, which helps a lot so i don't spend ages fussing over minute details (im a perfectionist at heart but a lazy one LOL)

giving myself time deadlines is also really helpful, like "i have to finish the lineart im the next half an hour" has been really good for getting me to focus and get things done, even if i don't make the 'deadline'. i think generally being conscious of how i use my time is good

okay so circumstantial (?) things-

ALSO USE REFERENCES they help a lot!!! stumbling around trying to figure things out on your own is time consuming, don't be scared of using references!

this isn't a speed thing but i think it's important to note that i spend like ALL my free time drawing, probably to a ridiculous degree. i draw during my work break, i draw after work, on the weekend, speed is nothing in the face of time lol. im usually tired after work but im also stubborn so i try to push through and draw anyway (50/50 chance it works and i get something done or i just sit there in a daze wishing i was asleep LOL)

im also a dumbass who takes on way too much, i have a whole buncha zines and commissions constantly at all times cause i can never say no so i kinda just HAVE to be fast to keep up with everything. i don't recommend it but it's a thing ashdjfj

i also used to be on tiktok and for some god forsaken reason i spent like a solid few months consistently posting 3 times per day which burnt me out SO fast and i absolutely don't recommend but it definitely required speed lol

i will also say that as i draw more and feel more comfortable in my art it comes to me a lot more naturally, and i'm able to make decisions on the fly a lot easier

also okay so starr lore my dad used to be really against me drawing so i would have to sneak onto the computer when he was out of the house hahaha, this gave me anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hours per day to do whatever i wanted, so i had to quickly adapt to that and be super fast if i ever wanted to get anything done

again speed isnt the be all end all of anything, tbh most of this is just my brain working in weird ways that prefers the quicker pace so please don't compare yourself!!

okay long ass ramble over thanks for reading <3333

[nerves-nebula]

Are you ever you ever insecure about your art? And could you explain you answer to that?

Venting to you now

Drawing has taken a lot of effort for me, more than usual recently. I started working on something I originally felt really passionate about. It's more common for me to very quickly give up or get bored so I was really excited to be able to post some artwork. But I ended up not liking the result and I'm not sure if I'm willing to try something else. I've given up on trying in a lot of parts of life to try and save energy to do something I thought I was passionate about (art) but I am still lacking the motivation. The reason I reason I really wanted to share it was because I'm terrible with self-motivation. If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

oh boy, this is gonna be a long one. also, don't take anything i say too seriously, i don't know your situation and I'm barely an adult. anyway, response under the cut

soo lately I'm less insecure about my art and more frustrated when things don't come out well. but i still post that shit !!! I'm still insecure if i'm doing, say, a project for homework, and i don't think i did as well as I could have, but in my personal artistic endeavors it's more about getting it done than it being perfect (for example, my webcomic! my motto is any comic made is better than no comic made and if people don't like that then it wasn't for them in the first place)

the thing about me is that drawing and art and stories is all i've ever had. it's my main form of interacting with the world. these days i make art the same way I live, which is to say in spite of wanting to kill myself. I would LIKE if my art was perfect, and i would LIKE to not be in pain. but i AM in pain and i have to live anyway, and my art ISN'T perfect but i'll make it anyway.

and i like when other people's art isn't perfect either, when it isnt super polished. I think that definitely helped. seeing artists whose work i fell head over heels for when it's never been more than sketches and a bit of shading. it really cemented in my mind that it isn't art being technically perfect that makes it worth while.

i've gotten a lot of people saying kind things to me, saying how much they enjoy my art and my blog in general. and though it doesn't always help, it sometimes inspires me to imagine the number of people who appreciate my stuff who might never mention it to me. I myself am used to lurking and not interacting very much (a habit I'm trying to change since I know artists & creators love feedback most of the time) i know it sucks to not know if anyone gives a shit for sure, but you really can't make that your only reason for doing art, cuz half the time you prolly wont even know if your art deeply affects people or not. it's fine to want that attention but you gotta have something else goin on too, at least I do.

i also know the fear of worrying that you'll lock yourself into something you don't want to do, or something you'll lose passion for. for me, I generally rotate a cast of characters & interests around for years a time before making significant progress. There were spans of times where I'd go years without thinking about loose stitches, but none of that time developing other stories & characters was wasted. it gave loose stitches enough time to properly cook, and the story is still developing under my hands as i draw it, influenced by my other stories and other characters.

it's ok to abandon something and pick it up again years later, or to never pick it up again at all. it's ok to hate the way something turns out but to keep making it anyway because you have to move forward (at least, I do)

moving forward despite not liking the original product is the only way to progress, I think. I don't super like a lot of the first pages of loose stitches but I'm still grateful that past-me posted them because that means present me is at page 76 !!

If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

the problem with this mindset (in my opinion) is that some people aren't going to like your art and that's got nothing to do with the art itself. if you want to find people who go "oh, neat" then you have to keep posting until they see it. trust me, they're out there. like, i don't post for people who can't stand the idea of child abuse, i post to FIND people who want to interact with stories about child abuse the same way i do.

it would be insane to stop trying to find those people because someone else was disappointed or upset by my art. which isn't to say you gotta lock yourself into doing one thing, but that you gotta post what you care about, and people who also care will find it. posting fandom stuff with the same themes as your original art certainly doesn't hurt either, if you REALLY want to find those people faster.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

art should be literally whatever. it's worth is literally whatever you want, it can be a big deal or not. i'm not sure what part of being a "good artist" gives your brain the Good Feelings juice but I'd investigate that feeling more and try to figure out the roots of it, cuz then you might actually be able to figure out what it is that motivates you. approval is nice, yes, but i like approval for things i enjoyed making even more.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

i always find it amusing when people refer to my "struggles" if only because I don't really consider them that way. to me it's just like, a thing that happened that sucks. i don't consider myself "struggling" with it, even though I guess that's what's happening. also, let's be real here, it's not like I'm using my real name. this is an anonymous tumblr blog. though, my openess on here has actually lead to me making more art about it IRL so. eh.

anyway, lucky for you, you can stop caring about what other people think without necessarily liking yourself! for me, it's about spite (sort of). I don't like myself much more than I used to, I just decided I hated everyone else more haha. I still care what people think about me, and I'm still scared of what people might do to me, but I'm also not bending over backwards to please people i dislike. I just get annoyed at them instead.

i did this basically just by repeating it until it became true, lol. there's only so many times you can petulantly say "well fuck those guys anyway they suck" before it becomes your true first reaction.

at some point, i decided i needed to pick and choose who i wanted to please, because it can't be everyone. that's just literally not possible. so i looked at the kinds of people i liked and appreciated, and basically disregarded everyone else. it's the whole "don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" thing (not sure where that comes from)

obviously you should probably try to internalize the idea that you even HAVE to be "good for something" but that's way easier said than done. i find it more useful to devote yourself to finding a few things (causes, people, philosophies, niche interests) instead of just general usefulness. because then you can form stronger relationships, be useful, AND not burn yourself out trying to please everyone.

take all this advice with a grain of salt though, I definitely need therapy and this Bitter Angry Defensive persona will probably need to be deconstructed soon... idk. i think it's outlived its usefulness to me but i'm not sure what to do next hahah.

sorry if none of this was helpful or the point. im not even sure why i wrote this much, i kind of just ramble sometimes. i hope you figure it out!

[assortedvillainvault]

It's a bit of a random question, but I'm simply curious, how did you start falling in love with the Horned King/what's your origin story with him? Only if you want to share it of course^^ Feel free to also just generally gush or ramble about him!

(also btw I think it's awesome that we share him as an f/o now, I think subconsciously I already knew for a while that I'd fall for him eventually, it was just a matter of time he's just too gorgeous💕)

Ok this ask has given me the warm fuzzies for several weeks so thank you and I guess I should probably answer this now huh -

(also every time someone else pops up who f/o's him I'm Absolutely Delighted and am so glad I helped facilitate your decent into lich simpery)

I'll do IRL and self insert shenanigans, so IRL first:

- the first time I watched the black cauldron I'd be ...about 8 or 9?

- one thing you sincerely must understand about me is that I am, unapologetically, unequivocally, unexpectedly....a weenie.

- much as I adore the spooky and the strange, any film that veers into remotely scary territory, or horror in general, that shit scars me down to the cellular level.

- Power to everyone who can disengage/absorb that stuff healthily because I sure as fuck don't and doubt I ever will. Anyway.

- mum buys me the black cauldron and thinks nothing of it. It's Disney, right?

- anyway yeah uh suffice to say boy golly gee I'd never seen *that* many skeletons animated before. Think my little brother started crying at some point.

- but honestly, something about the films mad dichotomy of attempted cutesy fantasy with grim dark backdrop and off kilter humour enamoured me. And I found myself wanting *more* of the dark parts of the film.

- (still early the full cauldron born scenes were cut. So goddamn salty)

- the Horned King became a lynchpin of fascination, something about his eerie voice, his apathetic yet menacing mannerisms and his degraded appearance really drew me in. Esp his summoning and death scenes.

- I think I started drawing skeletons soon after and they're still the easiest thing for me to draw.

- over decade later when I was depressed as all fuck, I rewatched the film and found myself only really enjoying his scenes, in part because he was the only relatable villain to me at the time. (Eternally tired, quietly dramatic, quick to anger and dismissal. A smorgasbord of things to distract myself from feeling like I was actively decomposing too at the time. Brains are wild.)

- now I like to imagine quietly helping him get to a better place same as I've managed to do :) who needs therapy when you have imaginary lich time.

As for self insert funky times:

- rather than imagining myself in the dark ages, mostly because despite living in the UK my knowledge of that time period is just awful, I imagine a modern setting

- crucially tho the events of the film still happened exactly as shown.

- in this setting my s/I has moved to Wales and accidentally rediscovered the -broken- cauldron, and the remains of the castle. Time itself rusted the old thing and it cracked, letting HK's disheveled soul slip free.

- my S/I is an amateur ecologist, with interest in geology and paleontology and history. (So just me. Straight up me. I can't even pretend here) Once she figures out she's effectively haunted, HK's presence is akin to a field day.

- will she attempt to resurrect him properly? Eh who knows. Maybe. I'm a real fucking sucker for ghosts, esp partial possession or soul bonds.

- magic exists still in this setting, it's just mostly forgotten and thus dismissed. Of course my s/I has latent magic because of course, and I love the idea of HK teaching her as a pseudo bonding activity.

- love just watching HK be bamboozled and overwhelmed by the modern world too. Show this lich a toaster someone-

- very low stakes very chill, just two lonely fools trying to rebuild their 'lives' together. Probably the most weirdly cottage core of my selfships if I'm honest. With more dead things.

So yeah that's pretty much it! Thanks again for the lovely ask, and feel free to tag me in anything lich related 🥰

[starblazes]

🔥 unpopular opinion meme - callouts/dni's

( let me air out my unpopular opinions / accepting !! )

disclaimer: i would like to note that this is a relatively recent change in opinion for me and that yes, i have participated in/condoned these in the past and probably still have some dnis on my blogs floating around but at present these are my thoughts.

i'll start with dnis as that is where most of the changes in my opinion lies. at the risk of being booed out of the community, i don't really think public dnis are necessary. im not talking about standard, universal dnis — such as 'minors dni' or 'dni if you condone x phobia/ism' - but the more specific ones. this is merely personal preference, but in the same vein of keeping my privacy and peace, i feel that publicly announcing the fandoms, urls, characters, and faceclaims you won't interact with is just kind of inviting people to ask about it, and talk off the dash, and potentially create tension across the board.

i'm too damn old and too damn tired to keep up with the personal drama of everyone i follow.

if there is someone or something i don't want on my dash, i'm perfectly capable of using my block button and filter settings to get rid of that content. i have my stuff set so that anything i don't want to see ( people, triggers, etc ) doesn't even give me a notification that its hidden. it's just not there. this relieves a lot of stress for me, personally, as it prevents me from getting curious if tumblr puts the "hey we blocked this post containing 'x' but would you like to view it anyway" notif on the dash and then getting upset at myself when i inevitably look at it and it's exactly what i didn't want to see lmao.

again, for me personally, i just don't think it's anyone's business who or what im uncomfortable with the same way i don't think it's anyone's business what my mental illnesses and traumas are. privacy and peace is so important and im trying to be better about cultivating that.

that being said, i do think there is a time and place for callouts. as a general rule of thumb, i don't reblog them unless i, in my understanding of reading the information given to me, feel that an individual ( or individuals ) is harmful either to themselves or the community. it's a very tricky line i think, because not only are many of us unreliable narrators in airing out the dirty laundry, but because on the surface level i think a lot of people brush off callouts as just "petty drama" and they would be right to some extent; but i also think there are cases — few and far between — where toxic behaviour being called out can affect more than just the parties presenting their case in a callout, perhaps even opening a discussion for other individuals who were too scared to speak up and say 'hey, they treated me like this too and that's not okay'.

where i draw the line with callouts is when it becomes an excuse to witch hunt and/or drive someone out of the community or off tumblr completely. no one has a moral high ground. i think everyone deserves at least one chance to turn things around and apologise. and even if they don't, unless they are actively harming someone directly, i really don't think it's right to continue to bully them until they leave. again, it's about curating your space. it's one thing if you don't want to see them on your dash or interact with them, and that's perfectly okay — protect yourself — but to go out of your way to make sure they know you think they're a bad person or to chase them off is both mean-spirited and ultimately more stress on yourself than necessary.

[motherboardmania]

🖍️🎼!!!!!!

 🖍️ When did you start drawing? Do you remember?   i dont remember when i started drawing. we were always a real big enjoyer of creative activities in general, and when we were younger we really wanted to do it as a career! though that's not something im aiming for anymore, its still lovely getting a taste of it through commissions. either way drawing is a really important part of my life. 🎼 Your favorite music to draw to right now? a few artists i come back to lots when drawing are car seat headrest, dream puzzles, and devi mccallion (mostly her solo projects!). but also those are just some of my fave artists in general id say. math rock/midwest emo is stuff i find myself goin to when nothing else feels right in terms of music-for-drawing. if none of that's working for me ill just throw on whatever recent music recs i got from friends. i get through most music recs ive been given in bursts because my brain usually Demands that i listen to something at least vaguely familiar (artist i know, song i know, etc) so i try to squeeze in new music whenever my brain will let me. LOL i have a few character playlists i like to throw on whenever i draw those characters specifically too i guess but Usually its somethin mentioned above anyways. song i found recently that i find myself coming back to often is The Sea Is a Good Place to Think of the Future by Los Campesinos!. very emotionally rich song. has sounds that hit my brain juuust right. though as a warning the song includes various self-harm n death related themes so. Be careful ok 👍

[esta-elavaris]

oh i am SO on this. 13 (i'd love to know what character you most want to write for in the future!), 14 and 15 :D

13. What's a character or ship you haven't written/drawn yet but would like to some day? I'd love to write some Game of Thrones stuff one day (Sandor Clegane or Bronn, probably) but god that's a fucking undertaking. Good news is it'll be a sensible 15.6 years before I can reasonably start another new thing so it gives me time to have a think 🫠

Doesn't help that the idea I have for a Bronn fic is one I'm not even sure I came up with - I have a hunch what I'm the idea I'm thinking of is actually a memory of a Bronn fic I read years ago as a teen, so I'd need to comb through EVERYTHING I can find to make sure that's not the case before I begin, because I refuse to begin without doing that, and even then if I found nothing I'd be worried that I just missed whatever story the idea came from, and uhhhh fuck that. But it's good to have something holding me back from my Fic Aquirement Sickness 😭

I'd also love to write a Phantom of the Opera fic one day. I doubt I could bring anything original to the fandom but I mean, I have the same fear with the Dracula fic and folk are still enjoying it for what it is!

14. Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind? It wasn't that long ago on this blog where I was furiously insisting to people that I would never write a Boromir fic, I wouldn't put the stress of tackling Tolkien upon myself, it was too much to attempt, there was no chance.

Anyway, HWFG just cleared the 120k word mark 🤡 (and I'm very grateful to the people who talked me into it!!)

There are other smaller fandoms that I always thought I'd never bother with just because they're so small that I didn't think anybody would read them, but you guys are proving that fear wrong and making my day CONSTANTLY with your willingness to follow me into some truly random bs 💜💜💜💜💜

15. Have you noticed your style change over time?

Absolutely!! Little By Little is my oldest fic that I don't hate, and even then the growing pains within that make me cringe a little (CTW followed it, and that's the earliest one that I still like! It marked the end of me finishing a project and immediately hating it) -- the early chapters in particular are plagued by way too much introspection (listen, I'm an overthinker, I have no concept of how much thinking is too much thinking in general).

It does also change between projects, though, I think, because I try to match the "tone" of the source material to some extent.

I also think it's really cool because most of LBL was written when I began writing daily as a rule, and that's when you really see quick and substantial improvements in my ability, so it's been a great way to measure it all!

Novel work is trickier because I get so nervous when I write it that it impacts the quality, so it's less of a linear thing and more dependent on how I feel on any given day. It's wild going back to chapters I wrote when I was worried about it and editing it from a calm mindset so that it's actually good. That whole process is most of why it's taking me so long 💀. When I finished my first draft and went back to the beginning to read (it was all done by hand, so it was a long time after I'd written the first chapter) I noticed that the first chapter was so bad and then suddenly it just? Got decent? When I found my rhythm and got over the nerves, mostly? That was a nice moment. I promptly worried the pal I was living with at the time by walking laps around her living room because I couldn't believe that it was good and I was too excited to sit down. Good times 😭

Thank you!!! 💜

Fanfic ask game

[bl00dw1tch]

I really need a name for this au. Anyway i nailed down their color schemes (flats and some character design-y thoughts notes below)

Aw man im really about to go in on this here, ok--ill stick to just design stuff and a bit of Their Deal^tm for now! ill explain the au in full some other day, with a more polished drawing.

Alright so. I am still doing research, its ongoing, but i think ive decided that, in this au, their relationship is something more akin to... in a past life they were the same, but for spiritual development reasons, the qi that made That person split, and went on to reincarnate as Them--narratively this is going to make them function like. Just normal Foils lmao--just with an added umph of it being somewhat literal for them, in the scope of their world, if that makes sense! I dont want to put myself in the box of calling them brothers, bc it just irritates me, but they are Not going to be romantically involved in this au either--SWK has enough trouble in his weirdly uneventful but still tumultuous love life as it is (👀 at Erlang and ZBJ), im not going to torment him by adding his evil clone to that list LMAO. Also LEMH aromantic as hell bc i said so.

Also their both trans thats very super important. Trans monkeys forever obviously

Anyway, So theyre still sort of "the same person", yet not, as they had still Never properly met (until Liu'er chapter)--their both incredibly similar and incredibly different, due to the imbalance of the energies within them and the actions they took for the majority of their lives. SWK is the yang, extroverted and bold and destructive and take-no-shit, while LEMH is the yin, (at least in this story) by being reclusive and a bit of a pushover for the longest time--the, erm.... Outburst, being the result of built up resentment and imbalance within himself spurning him to overcompensate for what he was lacking. It's kind of complicated and intricate and i like it that way if describing it is kind of rough Pfft--but anyway!

Point is, i wanted ALLLL that to be reflected in their designs by giving them plenty of Contrasting but Complimentary, and even sometimes juxtaposed details! The incorrect yin yang belt buckles/brooches are the most obvious one i think, next to the general warm vs. cold color palettes--then there's Liu'er being shirtless and with shorter hair, just to bring a sense of masculinity into his appearance, counterbalancing the fact that he's otherwise very feminine and in line with his Yin nature. Id say i made SWK's hair longer for the same kind of reason, but given that long hair isnt seen as inherently feminine, mileage can vary on that--if one reads it that way then yay, fun detail, and if not, then you still get to be looking as a SWK with long hair, and thats always a win in and of itself.

The red parts of their face are also matching--SWK's making up the over eye and LEMH's the under eye, to visually indicate the "this is the same person split in two" dealio. I also tried to make SWK appear a bit more Rounded and Soft, curving his cheek tuffs and little beard In a bit more (belying a gentler nature and other. Yknow, Round thoughts underneath his theatricality (contrasting with his yang-ish behavior), while LEMH's is sharp and feathered out (bringing to mind hostility and action and other Sharp thoughts, equally in contrast with his usually yin-ish nature).

They were initially going to both have the fillets on their heads, for reasons Like the ones above, but without a shirt Liu'er torso was feeling empty and i felt like he needed something to break up the grey of his fur--so, necklace. Hes bouta get choked tf out dont worry about it ❤

Uhhh thats all i can think of writing down right now, feel free to let me know if any of it is kind of Eh, constructive criticism and all that--if you saw any typos no you didnt, thank you for coming to my ted talk and have a groovy day

[azumasoroshi]

watched the first two episodes of oshi no ko a while back (REALLY FUCKING GOOD, ive been a manga reader for a while but i stopped reading the recent chapters and basically forgot everything except for the major points and god it’s so satisfying to have the adaptation remind me of what i’ve forgotten in the most beautiful way possible)

but this post isnt about onk, it’s about izaya!! izaya orihara!! lets fucking goooooooooo izaya idol au!!!! i cant get this flea out of my BRAIN

i was about to open a new canvas to draw some more shizaya stuff for my animatic that im never gonna finish and i was like huh. maybe i should draw onk fanart. and then i remembered this art of venti genshin impact with ai’s eyes and i remembered thinking man i hope this becomes an artist trend for people to do with their art blorbos! and then i was like OH. guess i could contribute to the trend by drawing izaya with ai’s eyes

and then i started thinking and i was like huh. Ai’s never experienced love from her parents, doesn’t think she knows how to love or how to express it, doesn’t get attached to others easily, is a perpetual liar, became an idol because she hoped she would learn how to love - oh hey doesnt. that. sound like izaya. just a little bit. not exactly, her character goes into more learning how to love/that she can love while izaya’s character is i can love but only impersonally because i’m afraid of getting hurt and his arc would be learning to let his walls down for his own good

SO for izaya idol au, izaya would become an idol because he wants to experience love, or something along the lines of “there’s no greater demonstration of parasocial love and foolish decision making than in the idol industry! ahaha~” and probably “idols are perfect liars and i need to put myself into their shoes so i can become an even better liar and close myself off to any possibility of falling in love that could ever exist”

there’s a lot of reasons he might want to become an idol, really. there’s so much corruption and behind-the-scenes dealing and lies and facades and shit in the entertainment industry that i think izaya would eat for breakfast. he would LOVE witnessing that shit and making his own shady deals and stuff and occasionally ruining lives and watching people rise and fall down the rankings and tear each other down. plus the people who are in it for passion rather than money are fascinating as well. psychology student’s dream really- i mean what this is definitely about izaya and not me projecting

plus he definitely has the looks for it (narita would hard agree given how many times he’s indirectly called izaya attractive through other characters. we love a canonically hot king)

now i need to make everything shizaya because i’m not okay but i have no idea who shizuo would be lmao

like you could make him some up and coming manager (no age difference stuff here sorry lmao) or a fellow idol (doubtful. shizuo can act cute but i dont think he could dance) or an actor like akane/kana or a streamer??? like memcho (my favorite character)

a mangaka/screenplay writer/writer in general could also work but i feel like you’d have less reason to interact with idols that way

idk how japanese idol groups work for men in particular or if there’s even like a market for that :sob: id have to look into that if i actually started making stuff for this au

alternatively izaya crossdresses as a female idol and somehow no one realizes. except for shizuo. that would be hilarious actually. he refuses to do swimsuit modeling or other provocative stuff and his fans are like “oh?? the brazen kanra-chan is unexpectedly shy?? how cute” and he plays into it but inwardly he’s like. god i know exactly how im gonna go out with a bang when i retire. and shizuo watches him playing at being shy on tv knowing that that motherfucker is planning to strip on his last days as an idol

anyway this is just me spitballing ideas but ill definitely write at least a concept/intro fanfic of this at some point so stay tuned lmAo im just about to run out of writing juices on ABAON so i gotta transfer my energy somewhere else and where better than the idol!izaya au

[bvannn]

Weekly Update September 15, 2023

Life is hitting hard. I had a big interview for a really important internship, and while I think the interview itself went really well, the rest of the week has been pretty rough, with the exception of a nice discord call I had with a friend. I don’t know how much of this is bad luck, physical stress on my body due to nerves, or bad decisions on my part, but most likely a mixture of the three. I have not heard back from the internship yet but I do think it went really well, it’s the second time I’ve interviewed for it, and I was really close to getting it last time, and that was before I had officially completed all the relevant courses I took that semester, and also before the lab job I worked this summer. I think I’m in good standing, but I don’t want to be overconfident either. I was told I’d hear back by the end of this week, but given that they’re changing a lot about how they’re doing things I was expecting to hear back closer to next Wednesday, which looks to be the case. I’m fine with the wait, but given what my nerves have been doing to my body, it does unfortunately mean I won’t be able to make as much progress on art projects as I’d like.

I said earlier this week I’d be done for the rest of the week, but I have gone back on that a little. I sketched out some nice shots of Shaun to use as more blood practice, which I’d like to digitize in the near future, and I have kept work on TRGA going. I finished up the character animation for shot 1-2, and have started keyframing Jon for 1-3. 1-3 should be a lot quicker, as it’s short, it has few keyframes, and Tim does not appear, meaning there’s theoretically 33% less animation to do (although in practice it’s more like 12-25% less since Tim has been less complex so far, although I know it won’t stay like that). I’ve probably got almost as much done as I would’ve if I hadn’t ‘called this week off’, but I’m still not going to hold myself to my schedule on it until I hear back about the interview (and possibly then some). It’s still going good though.

I’ve also been messing with effects and whatnot for drawings in general, I’d like to be able to animate with some as well, but I’m going to stick with current projects for now. I’d like to mess with after effects as well, as I’ve been learning a bit about the features it has, and I think I can probably do more with it than animate. I think Adobe programs are meant to be used in tandem with one another anyway. I don’t think I’ll need it for the current animation, but I’ll keep it in mind for maybe the next TRGA. Or I could do more tests in-between.

I think I should be investing more time into music as well, should I have time this weekend I may take another crack at it. I’ve been writing down bass patterns as I hear them from music I listen to, although I’m not trained enough I can identify notes of their own, just in relation to one another, so I probably mistranscribed, meaning what I wrote down would technically be original. I’ll try to mess with that and drums, until I get something nice enough sounding. I already tested my strategy for finding original Melodies, and it doesn’t work 100% of the time but it does work. I really should make a bigger push for music I think it would be pretty good for my state of mind. I need to commit to a basic project but I’ll keep the larger one in mind.

I’m going to keep taking it easy but I’ll try to get stuff done. I’ll keep trying.

[wander-wren]

HELLO WREN i do not mean to be bursting into your inbox like this but do you have any thoughts on aro shouto? he has been on the mind a lot lately and you seem like you'd have some cool ideas/hcs floating around

hi!!!! don’t be sorry that’s what it’s there for!

hm, aro shouto,,,,i am not Super the type to just Have Headcanons but i managed to think some thoughts. then they got kinda long so. cut.

first of all i’ve like the idea of tododeku qpr (and also just, qpr with anyone i normally ship him with) for a while, sometimes paired with romantic bakudeku. i feel like shouto’s pretty uneducated about Queer Stuff so he’d probably fall into it completely by accident and then be very confused. and my other related hc is that deku is the local queer things encyclopedia bc idk. feels correct.

speaking of confusion, given the not-great example of romance he grew up with, i imagine he’d be pretty confused for a while about how much of his attraction (or lack thereof) related to his father, maybe trying to force romance to “get over it” or thinking it’s just another thing broken about him :(((

don’t make yourself sad, wren, don’t think about him planning the most cliche romantic date he can think of and rehearsing how to be a Good Boyfriend and being all tense and stressed the whole time while his partner is deeply confused. and then obviously they have to be like “…..okay whats going on” and then it all comes out and there are like, hugs. it’s okay shouto!! you don’t have to give more than you’re comfortable with!! whichever way you love people is enough <333

i also feel like he’d be very touchy. maybe not at first, kinda depends where you are in his arc and how emotionally stunted he is, ig. just always in his partner’s lap, or with them in his lap, hugs, holding hands,,,,oH omg the thing where you draw things on someone’s back? that. bonus points for mixing hot and cold sides. massages. yes. but i do just feel like my boy is touch starved and incredibly touchy once he figures things out in Any universe so. lol

but in spite of the touchiness, i think he would draw the line at kissing or anything. OH. *yoinks a hc from my own ocs* i have had this cute idea of a person who is generally not fond of kissing vs his partner who Does like it, and it being like a special-occasions thing. or a thing where the partner can ask if they rlly want to and maybe he’s like “eh. alright.” bc it makes them happy am i explaining that right is it weird. ack. anyway.

connected to that last point, i feel like he’d be kinda romance-neutral? that might just be bc he’s Always neutral in canon. that face. but like, would do stuff if his partner wanted to, doesn’t really get the point otherwise.

i just realized you said aro and didn’t specify aroace or aroallo uhhh. hmph. i have no thoughts on that. this is kinda hard lol i am…fairly firmly demiro/demiace myself i think, so i just never know what i’m doing on either end of the spectrum. *flails*

wait (wow this is getting long) lets. jump back to pairings. my main shouto ships are with deku, shinsou, and sero. i do like the dynamic i mentioned at the beginning where bakudeku are also dating but mostly just for the angst factor of both shouto and bakugo being insecure but shh deku has two hands. also i think its funny if the two of them are boyfriends in law its such a silly dynamic. they can gang up on deku and force him to do self care or smthn

i think shinsou could also very easily be some flavor of aroace…hm…idk just smthn about his Vibes. him and shouto just doing whatever the hell they feel like and then everyone thinking they’re dating and they’re just ????

“are….are we dating?” “i didnt think so?” “should we be dating?” “do you want to date?” “idk” “okay. cool.”

“wait, shouto, don’t you have a boyfriend?” “i…have friends who are boys.” “no, like…shinsou.” “oh. shinsou?” “yes, babe?” “are we boyfriends?” “no??” “no i do not have a boyfriend.”

sorry i think he’s silly. he’s so smart but so dense. fun to play with. but also he’s right!! other people should catch up.

where the hell was i im so sorry im getting carried away. SERO. himb. i just. holds him. i think he’s a sweetheart. i think he’s maybe allo but like fully chill with whatever shouto’s chill with. i think every day about the time he called him roki.

wait i have a cute idea. after the sports fest sero comes up to him like a one-man hype squad. and like, hugs him or smthn. and shouto just decides Okay We Do This Now and the touchy things begin and sero just kinda rolls with it. eventually they both realize they are like, spooning during movie night and thats. hm. perhaps Not Quite Friends territory. and talk about it.

yeah ummm i think that’s it idk how i did like i said i am Not the kind of person who can just like rattle off a list of headcanons like other people do. i chipped away at this for like half a day lol. i do love all the shades of aroace rep tho!! and i would love to hear your thoughts aswell

[havethetouch]

update~

Still alive n kicking my guys, disassembling ikea furniture like it owes me a shitton of money and packing boxes with a vengance.

I am also incredibly pissed off currently but that works fine for me because spite is a good fuel and I have to get shit done so it works in my favour. Don't worry my absolute darling sibling from other parental units helped me through the thick of emotional bs I stumbled into a few days ago so I am doing well in spite of shit which is good because I don't have time for any of that crap anyway.

The 14th is gonna be M-day sponsored by Mama and BroBro and their sick ass big cars and if we employ our generational Tetris skills we might get this show on the road with just one big trip.

And given that the big day is around the corner I am vibrating again with possibility and my inherited need to make home and nest I am so ready to flip off the flat and run for them hills baby~

So yeah big excite around the corner lotsa stuff to remember still like quitting the utilities and have my mail forwarded to catch stragglers ans all that jazz. First thing to assemble after will be my workroom obviously everything else is secondary. My darling aunt gifted me her slim glass cabinets that I will mount to the wall and sort my inkbottles into which already has me giddy mainly because sorting these babies after type and colour is the most carthatic thing ever and I earned myself some carthasis me thinks.

Imma post some pics once I'm done with it, still need to rig up the electricity in the workroom up properly bc right now it has a 50s chandelier going and that is not enough light for a proper workroom especially since I am a nocturnal beast and good light makes the difference when mixing colours and getting the hues right (used to have a real shitty desklamp and had sometimes to go off memory with my tools to get the colours right which is a point of pride but also wasn't fun). Anywaythe workroom will get the all white treatment mostly, white furniture (imma sand down my table and repaint that in white too), mostly white walls to hang my favourite artworks without visual discrations and some turquoise accents. Other side of the workroom gets a bigass rattan circular disk chair I dream of a massive thing with pillows and blankets that I can curl up in like a nest while I do embroidery and I even saw some neat fireplaces that come in white too which will be needed bc the workroom is hit with cold on two fronts as it is the last room on the corner of the house and it gets icy, which mind, is good for my materials like the copics bc it will keep em usable longer but I need the fireplace to warm myself up in winter if I stay too long in there which I will bc I can draw for hours and should not become an icicle while I am at it hah.

Either way plans start to take actual shapes now and it's hella nice. But also lotsa work ahead like I need to retile my bathroom at some point too. The good things about all my renovation projects and plans for breathing new life in some of the furniture is that I can do most stuff by myself bc my dad was a handy man and he taught me a broad spectrum of things you usually call handimens and specialists for. Hope my old man looks down at me fondly from whichever afterlife and laughs his ass off when I start cursing over retiling the bathroom though bc tiles are lil bitches but man I can't wait. I am so excited.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Tag Game Thing

ayyyye another one (but not one from when I was drifting in the timeless void of Conceptually Tuesday), got tagged by @chthonicsiren , gonna tag @melthedwarf because I can >:) (edit: tagged the wrong person first cuz tumblr autofilled the url, sorry!)

1: Are you named after anyone? Yes! My birth name/not-quite-deadname is a tribute to my ma's maiden name. Without saying what either are, I'll just say that her maiden name followed a patronymic format (ex: Johnson), and my birth name is one of the feminine variants/related named (ex: Johanna?). My chosen name, Jordan Van Daalen, is a fun one! My friend and I were in drama class together, and were paired up for an assignment where we had to write a short script (we were given random phrases to start and end the scene with). We're both Huge Fucking Nerds, so we went Overboard, basically fleshing out both of our characters (and then we napped on each other). Jordan Van Daalen was what a random name generator gave me for my character. Less than a year later I realized I am some sort of non-binary, and decided to use that lil name as my future name, as well as eventual pen name :D

2: When was the last time you cried? Uh. Okay, so, like... sometimes when I'm really tired but can't sleep, I'll start improvising a little song? Just, like, whisper singing to myself? And it usually ends up being an emotional ballad about old traumas (or, you know, stuff from whatever media I've been binging)? also when I yawn my eyes water a tiny bit? so what I'm saying is that every time I can't sleep and end up singing dumb little songs, I end up crying. how often does that happen, you ask? well, buddy, I picked this url for a good reason. (it was probably yesterday)

3:Do you have kids? Does being the oldest in the friend group (and also being the dad friend) count? because I am the Father of some of these gremlins. no? oh. well, I am going to an auncle/ent soon, so that's close enough :D

4: Do you use sarcasm a lot? Depends on my mood? I'm less sarcastic than my brother, but definitely more sarcastic than either of my parents. I know that means nothing to any of you, but hey, that's my answer.

5: What's the first thing you notice about people? Uhhhhhhh if they give off gay vibes asdfghjkl; Honestly it varies, which I feel like is a given? I look for things that stand out- colored hair, piercings, if they have any jewelry, etc.

6: What color are your eyes? Okay, well, my ID says hazel, I used to describe it as "hazel green/green hazel", and I think a poet might describe my eyes as something like "sea foam green around sandy brown". However, a Certified Dick could just as easily call my eyes "snot green with a pinch of yellow". Could also just shrug and go "muddy green?". except in some lightings the "green" part seems like it might be vaguely blue, and I have been slowly driving myself insane trying to figure out a consistent color palette I can use when drawing self portraits/inserts because I can't get a decent pic of my eye to use a reference and I'm too awkward to ask someone (with less shaky hands) to do it for me. anyway, I spent ten minutes drawing what is arguably the best attempt I've ever made at making an accurate portrayal of my eye color:

7: Scary movies or happy endings? Generally speaking I prefer happy endings, but it feels weird to separate that from scary movies. However, I don't tend to watch many genuinely scary movies? I like horror comedies. I also very much enjoy watching shitty/low quality horror movies and roasting the fuck out of 'em. Humor is part of how I cope with actual scary movies/games too, though. That and pretending to try and scare the monsters :3 running through the scary dark hallway going "a-boogily-boogily-boo!" and rapidly snapping the camera from side to side like I'm jumping out at people. the monster goes rawr? I SAY IT LOUDER

8: Any special talents? I mean, I think most folks who follow me on here know that I've got a bit of talent in several types of art/creativity (music and writing are probably my big two)? But I can also beatbox a little, my arms are weirdly flexible (possible double-jointed at the shoulders?), and I am surprisingly good at picking things up/throwing them with my feet. That last one is 50% for throwing dog toys and 50% for picking up small things I dropped when I don't want to bend over. Weird? Yes. A talent? Probably not.

9: Where were you born? I think I was born in Seattle, WA, USA. It was definitely in the Seattle area, it just might have technically been a neighboring city.

10: What are your hobbies? Other than the aforementioned artsy shit, I play a lot of video games, in a variety of genres. My favorites are probably the Mass Effect series, Fallout: New Vegas, Persona 5: Royal, Horizon: Zero Dawn, and Spider-Man PS4. I need you to know how difficult it was for me to not list over a dozen games. Please understand. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD GAMES FUCK. Also, idk if it super counts as a hobby in other people's minds, but I love LEGOs! My room is filled with them :D

11: Have you any pets? None that are, like, fully legally mine. My household has a dog, Bella, but I am unfortunately her least favorite. She loves letting me give her chin scritches first thing in the morning though :')

12: What sports do you play/have you played? KENDO, BITCHES. GET SMACKED WITH BAMBOO

13: How tall are you? Soooooo tall. Massive. Giant. A true, genuine image of a Viking Warrior.. ... ..... in other words I'm 5 feet and 3.5 inches. the .5 is incredibly important to me. On a good day with boots I can almost pass off as 5'5" tho, soooooo. I'm also built like a shit brickhouse (yes I know that's not the correct saying), so at least tall people can't throw me (I throw them)

14: Favorite subject in school? Three-way tie between English/Language Arts, Drama/Theatre, and Art class!

15: Dream job? Writer, artist, all around generally a Professional Nuisance. Maybe taking the place of a forgotten, half-dead God at a lonely shrine, slowly restoring it until it's something worth remembering, eagerly having unforgettable conversations with the rare passerby, never gaining enough fame or worship to have any real power over the world. Just enough to be a face that lingers in your memories, in your dreams, the little voice you hear when you need it most.

[booklovertwilight]

☕️ thoughts on different fanfiction sites perhaps? (AO3 vs Wattpad vs ffnet vs whatever else there is lol)

Hi friend! Sorry for the late reply, one of my posts blew up and the notification avalanche scared me off the site for a few days.

So I've been writing fanfic for *checks watch* 13 years now. I've posted it on AO3, Wattpad, FanFiction.net, Reddit, DeviantArt, YouTube comments sections, and blogs I set up myself. I'mma cover the first three individually, and do the others as a sort of collective.

I started off writing on FFnet back in 2009, and even back then I was aggravated by how much work it takes to do something as simple as post a new chapter. The UI to search for and read fic is fine, I guess, but as a prolific writer (I posted over a dozen stories on that site), the fact that it takes like ten steps to post a chapter is just Bad™. Like you have to 1) open your author profile 2) go to the side column and expand the 'works' tab 3) go to 'manage works' 4) scroll through your entire list of fics to find the one you want to add a chapter to 5) click the chapters list 6) click the add chapter button .... etc etc AAAAAAA. I have not written anything on the site in years and I still remember this stupid process. Btw the menus still look & act like this. In fucking 2022.

Wattpad is much nicer in terms of user interface. In fact it's got an option to add cover art which will be displayed front and centre along with the title and summary in search results, which, as a writer/artist who draws his own covers for his fics anyway, I thought was great. Generally, the process of posting new works / new chapters to existing works is a lot more seamless here than, actually, any other site on this list. It's also got this neat feature where you can comment on a fic line-by-line, by highlighting the text, which is a lot more user-friendly than having to copy the text and paste it in quote marks into a comment. But the nice UI/UX can't make up for the fact that -- at least in 2014, which was when I briefly tried writing there -- Wattpad was a cesspool of the most annoying human beings to ever exist. I wanted to post my writing to a community that would give me interesting comments and useful feedback, not write incoherently-spelled rants about how I was taking the source material too seriously. I lasted on Wattpad about 5 months.

After I quit FFnet and Wattpad I went around posting fic to a bunch of random forums, none of which really worked well because they hadn't been designed for that purpose. Posting long-form stories (which is pretty much all I write) to either Reddit or DeviantArt is an absolute nightmare of comment-section-linking. And posting fic to my own blog requires I have some way to bring people to see it, which is remarkably difficult to pull off and requires a lot of work. And on top of all that, there's no community, really, so you get whatever bottom-of-the-barrel internet trolls think it would be funny to harass you.

AO3 is where I post my fic now (@booklovertwilight on there too, in case there's still anyone following me who doesn't know that), and for good reason. I've tried a lot of stuff (perhaps too much stuff) and it's all-around better than anything else available. Its UI isn't the best, but it's manageable. Its site design is pretty good. But crucially, the community on there is just wonderful. Part of this is the fact that the Death Note fandom in specific is just a lovely place to be (nowadays), but even when I've posted fic for larger or more militant fanbases (*cough cough* Sword Art Online), even the criticisms have been coherent and well-thought-out. I felt less like I was being ridiculed in a school cafeteria and more like I was being given a constructive critique by a fellow english major.

There's also the factor of legal recourse. I used to write long disclaimers at the top of my FFnet stories saying things like "I make no money off all this, all rights belong to [creator of canon], please don't sue me I'm broke". Everyone did. I absolutely love the dignity in being able to post fic without having to grovel to the copyright overlords, knowing some lawyer I pay for with my yearly donations is doing it for me. The community is what brought me to AO3, but the legal safety is what's gonna keep me here.

Hope that answered your question, friend! Thank you very much for the ask, this was a lot of fun to think and talk about <3

[violent-kurumi]

1, 4-6, 8-10, 12-14, 16, 18-25, 29, 30! (Sorry, I ask a lot! 😂)

Lmao no worries! Imma try my best to answer these

1. What song makes you feel better?

Love Live songs, mostly from Muse, like half of Aqours and some of Liella (not so much Nijigasaki)

4. What flower would you like to be given?

Portable hayfever machines? No thanks!

I'm kidding, I love flowers, they're beautiful but I'm more of a cactus/succulent kind of person!

5. Who do you feel most you around?

Hm, well I think that would have to be my brother? He doesn't judge or look at me weird if I'm screeching Love Live songs around the house, if I decide to randomly wear a costume in the day he doesn't judge like my sister. I think my brother was the first person I actually came out to as well.

That's for irl anyway, otherwise the internet I feel very much like myself lol, the server's I'm a part of, my online friends are super nice and supportive! ^-^

6. Say three nice things about yourself. (Three physical and three non physical)

Aaa it's like primary school all over again hahaha.

- It took a long time but now I like being as short as I am (so height)

- My hair, I dyed it blonde again but it used to be a browny/blonde, but as fluffy as my hair looks I kinda like it lol

- my eyes, I'm the only person with blue eyes in my family and they're kinda a grey/blue

- My ability to forget some horrible things that have happened; my memory is pretty shit so while it can work against me I like that I can forget I've seen a movie or listened to a song and so I am able to hear/watch it for the first time again

- Eventhough my memory is shit, I can pick up patterns in games pretty fast- so I like that I can play my love live game better than my family, I don't mean to brag, my family is big on video games and so it's a big deal for someone to be better then someone else at a game... (I don't know if that made any sense sorry)

- Uuuhhh, this is hard... Another non physical thing that's nice about me? I like that I'm happy person most of the time! (Does that count?)

8. Tag someone (or multiple people), that make you feel good

@nek0mancer , @the-yugioh-theorist , @hecho-a-mano , @angrykittenz62 , @horrifyn-llewellyn , @toxicsugarz

There are more but I can't remember everyone's usernames off by heart lol so if you weren't mentioned it's not because I don't love you, don't worry I love you guys

9. What calms you down?

Music! Watching my comfort shows and drawing, sometimes breathing techniques work if I'm anxious

10. What's something you're excited for?

Hopefully before Christmas my website will be up and running! I'm hoping to sell art, like the Date a Live portraits I've done, just anime/character portraits in general and those tags I've been making!

12. How are you?

Doing well, got a lot on but it's doing wonders telling myself I can take small breaks and focus on one thing at a time! ^-^

13. What's your comfort food?

Bbq shapes, or chicken crimpy shapes, mushrooms and kale and cheese and bacon rolls (I don't think it's really cheese because I don't react to them lol)

14. What's your favourite feel-good show?

I don't know too many feel-good shows? Love Live maybe? I don't know what counts as a feel-good show

16. Compliment the person who sent you this number.

Wow so you asked this for a free compliment? 🙃

You're super kind hearted!

18. Do you still love stuffed animals?

HELL YES!! I have kept majority of all my stuffed animals and a bunch live on my bed. A couple of months ago I got a Bulbasaur plushie from build a bear- which I didn't even know they did!

19. What's the most important thing in your life?

Family, possessions and memories! (I think I've already answered this question)

20. What do you want most in the world right now?

As selfish as it sounds, money, my dad is gonna kick me out soon so I'm a little scared as to where I can go with my stuff and my birds

21. If you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

Things will get hard but trust the universe to give you the right tools and believe it'll be okay.

(god I know that sounds cheesy)

22. What would you say to your future self?

Did we do it?

23. Favourite piece of clothing?

My leather jacket!! Gotta feel the power!

24. What's something you do to de-stress?

Listen to music, tv on in the background and read

25. The personal gift one.

I think I've answered this one; it's hard to answer, all gifts I get feel personal.

29. Morning, afternoon or night?

I am unfortunately a morning person but I like nighttime best. I don't sleep all that much lol

(is that what the question meant? Or did it mean what time of the day am I answering this? Technically, it's 11:40am as I answer this but I will shove this in schedule)

30. What reminds you of home (doesn't have to mean house... Just things that remind you of feeling home)

Sometimes pictures or odd song/pitches of sound make me feel frozen to the spot and this huge wave of nostalgia washes over me, it's intense and it's like I'm trying to think of home but like something is blocking me and I can't piece it all together...

Thanks so much for asking, I feel as though I've answered like every question 🤣