#god grant these dudes the power to make a good movie for Sam and us fans

[jemgirl86]

Pro: They’ve selected a director.

Con: I’m a little concerned about said director.

Con: Spellman is still attached as writer.

Pro: There’s been a drought in Cap 4 news, so it’s at least nice to hear something about the movie.

[buckyownsmylife]

v e l o c i t y - chapter ix

The one where John’s your true mate, but he doesn’t want you to be his.

In a universe where fate grants you a new mate whenever you lose yours, John has lived quite comfortably for many years with the knowledge that he was alone after Mary. That all comes crumbling down the second that he meets you. How could the universe choose someone so young to be his omega?

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

A/N: Okay so, my bad. One more chapter after this one!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I had a hard time sleeping since that night in the laundry room. Well, it was hard to go to bed alone, knowing only one wall separated me from John, knowing the only thing missing for him to claim me was time. He needed time to get over the image of me as a child, accept that I was another person, a woman now - and his mate. And I needed to find some sort of patience to hold onto while he got there.

That didn’t mean I was a saint, though. My desire was still there, even stronger, I dared to say. Now that he had recognized that he truly wanted me, it felt too easy, it felt simple and I just wanted to reach out and have him touch me - really, anywhere.

But I wanted to give him the space he needed to come to terms with this. So I resorted to long nights of touching myself to the thought of him, wondering what he was doing on his bed, if he thought of me when the bunker’s silence grew almost deadly and the sky became darker than a demon’s eye.

And then one night, I heard it.

It was a woman’s moan, coming from the room next door, and instinctively every nerve in my omega body stood in attention, ready to pounce. Who the fuck was with John? Why would he do this? But then his groan reached my ear, sounding much closer, much clearer, and by the time I heard another male’s voice panting, I knew what was happening.

John was watching porn.

The thought thrilled me to no end, even though I couldn’t really explain just why. Maybe it was the fact that he was doing something that intimate, right next to me, not knowing I could hear…

Or maybe he did, and that’s exactly why he was doing it. That had me drenching my panties, quickly getting rid of my clothes before laying back on the bed, a hand between my legs as I tried to listen to his every sound.

Only a few grunts and pants seemed to come from him, the rest mainly from the movie he was watching, but I could distinctly identify the wet, rhythmic slap of his hand meeting his navel along the sounds of the television, and that was the tempo I followed as I started to touch myself.

I got lost in the memories of when it was his fingers inside of me, his scent drowning mine, yet my attention never wavered from the room next door, trying to memorize every little thing about his search for pleasure while I did the same. I just knew it wouldn’t be enough to get me off until his pace quickened, a growl escaping the depths of his chest as he reached his release, and the thought of his cum covering his naked body had me mewling as my cunt clenched around my own digits.

Suddenly, it was all too quiet. All too very quiet. 

“Are you touching yourself, little one?” His voice came closer than I expected it to - not that I expected it at all - and it had me gasping in surprise, imagining him on the other side of the wall against which my bed rested, trying to hear me do the exact same thing he’d been doing seconds before. “Are you touching yourself to the sounds of me getting myself off?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. How the fuck was I supposed to resist him?

“Are you soaking wet?” The questions just kept coming, prompting my movements to grow quicker, more desperate at the clear desire dripping in his tone. “Because of me?” A simple chuckle shouldn’t sound this hot. “No James here to prepare you this time, huh?”

And that was all it took for me to reach my high, cumming around my fingers with a strangled moan as John’s low laugh resonated from my left. “Atta girl. Bet you’ll sleep real good tonight.” And just when I thought he was done and I could finally breathe again, “I know I will.”

Oh, shit. I was trying to be patient and give him his time, but if he thought I’d let this sort of teasing just go by, he was in for a treat. Better get ready for war, Winchester.

John’s P.O.V.

I knew I was playing with fire, but no one could have prepared me for the special type of hell I was forced to live in during the next few weeks.

It was like she was doing anything she could to make my resolve break. She wanted me to lose control, take her again just like I did that time when I thought another Alpha would try to lay claim on her.

And I had to give it to her - the memories of when she was young were nothing but distant flashbacks I could only remember if I tried to think back on why I was trying to resist her.

Even then, it was like that little girl was someone else entirely, someone I didn’t know anymore - certainly not the young woman who was currently caressing the inside of my thighs and slowly getting closer and closer to my crotch in the middle of this fucking diner.

I took advantage of the fact that Dean had left the table to hit on one of the waitresses and Sam had left to ring someone to finally hold her wrists, stop her quest for control over my dick and my nerves.

“You keep trying to test my patience, you little brat. You wouldn’t like what I’d do if I actually lost it, right here, right now.” Her sharp inhale was music to my ears, a smirk taking over my face as I looked down on her by my side.

But of course, she couldn’t just let it go.

“What would you do, old man?” My chest inflated as I took in her defiance, glancing at the door and Dean to make sure no one would come back soon before turning my body fully towards her, caging her against the wall in the booth.

“I’d put you over my knee, rip those pretty jeans and spank the shit out of you, omega. I’d let everyone watch me bruise your skin, I don’t even care that all these alphas are staring at you. I’d let them see, so maybe they’d know they ain’t got no chance with you.” The sweet smell of her arousal was easy to catch, so I knew she was soaked by now - and my smirk warned her of just how much I was aware of my effect on her body.

A few seconds of silence followed my words, both of us breathing heavily as we stared at each other, trying to hold back. Until she broke the spell, simply by being her.

“God, can you get any kinkier?” I wanted to be mad, I really did, but it was just impossible. My whole body shook under the power of my laughter, and I knew Dean was looking back at us now, just like some of the other patrons.

“Try me,” I provoked, raising my eyebrows at her as I reached for my mug of coffee again. She just kept staring at me, lips pursed in a pout, arms crossed in front of her body, the perfect picture of annoyance.

“You’re hot, but you’re very mean. Did you know that?” I choked on the hot liquid, almost spilling it all over myself, not having expected to be so casually called hot by someone as attractive as her in a million years.

“But you know what?” She pressed on, not giving me any time to recover. “I can be meaner.” That sentence, whispered in my ear as she pressed her body against mine, sent shivers down my spine. “Game’s on, Winchester.”

… What had I gotten myself into?

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The fact that we had managed to get John Winchester to go to a club was mind-blowing and hilarious to me. He looked so out of place - much older than most around, and underdressed in comparison to the guys his age, who were all displaying the same type of clothes as the fuck boys who were so desperately trying to get with anything that moved.

“You have something in your hair,” I commented, using this as an excuse to press my body tightly against his when I reached out to fix his locks, and even though he was quick to push me away, keeping me at a distance, there was a smile on his face.

“You need to stop doing that.” I bit my lip as I looked up at him with the most innocent expression I could muster. It was honestly hard not to laugh.

“Doing what?” John scoffed, letting me go to turn back to his whiskey, but once the liquid was in his lips again, his eyes traveled up and down my body, almost undressing me.

“You like my dress?” I asked, twirling so he could get the full view, even though I already knew how he felt about it. There was an entire discussion about the piece of clothing before we managed to leave the bunker, and I still believed it was the entire reason why he decided to tag along to my night out with the boys.

“I think we’ve established this is barely even a dress, little girl.” Giggling, I stepped closer to him again, using the excuse some drunk dude gave me when he lost his balance and wobbled in my direction, my hand falling precisely over John’s crotch as I pressed our bodies together once more.

“You know there’s other people around us, right?” He whispered right by my ear, raising goosebumps all over my skin when the hand that wasn’t holding his drink settled over my ass. “This little skirt of yours is giving me all types of thoughts…”

I was just about to ask him to elaborate on that when his head suddenly snapped up, meeting my eyes instead of looking at my breasts. “Why on Earth aren’t you wearing any underwear?”

I giggled when I understood that he could feel the absence of other fabrics underneath the thin material of my dress since he was now rubbing and squeezing my butt. I was suddenly shy, more because I didn’t expect him to call me out on it than anything else, so I buried my face in his chest as he kept teasing me, “Do you have something against it? Is that it? Are you allergic to panties?”

He swayed us somewhat to the beat of the song that had taken everyone to the dance floor, and I just relished in his embrace before finally coming up with something to say. “You liked it so much the last time…” I reminded him, not expecting what he’d counter.

“Last time was a mistake.” Immediately, I pushed away from him, meeting his eyes in shock and hurt as his words pained me in a way I never expected him to do - not again. His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared back at me, obviously confused by my sudden reaction until he understood what he had said.

“No, no,” he called out, easily pulling me close again despite me trying to escape. I hated that I cherished that night so badly, desired him so ardently ever since, just for him to go ahead and write it off as a mistake.

“That’s not what I meant, ‘mega,” he tried to calm me down, nose rubbing over my scent gland in an effort to lower my heartbeat and suppress my anger. It worked perfectly, as much as I didn’t want it to.

“I just mean, I didn’t want the first time I touch you to be because of anger and jealousy.” His explanation drained all irritation from my body, leaving me slumping against his hard chest.

“I didn’t want it to happen like that,” he continued. “You deserved more than that.” My heartbeat was pounding to the rhythm of the music, not quite believing this turn of events.

“I mean… I didn’t even kiss you, for fuck’s sake.” The sound of his despair against his own actions had me mewling against him, absentmindedly rutting my ass against his crotch, not even realizing I was doing it until his fingers pressed tightly on my hips - not stopping me, just… holding me there.

“I want- I want our first time to be meaningful.” And that, right then, stole my breath away. Because I understood the implicit message. I understood that this was him, saying he was ready. “Hopefully, in a bed,” he continued, and I smiled to myself at his sweet plans for us.

“But if you keep teasing me so much, I’ll bury my fingers inside of you right here, I swear.” This last part was uttered against the shell of my ear, making me go perfectly still, at last stopping my movements against the bulge that had become more than evident in his old jeans.

“And Lord knows where that would take us,” he commented, hands holding me just under the curve of my breasts, making me shiver as he nuzzled against my neck from behind. “By now, you know how easily I can get carried away.”

And I did. Just the memory of it made me shiver, but maybe it was the man behind me, whose hands were now openly exploring my body as if we weren’t surrounded by people in a smelly club.

“Yeah, I know…” I panted, body sensuously moving against his without even intending to, just needing to feel the weight of his hands all over me, forever. “You’ve done it before.”

And that was the last thing I spoke for the next few hours because right then John turned me in his arms and took my lips on his, devouring me in the dark corner of the dance floor, while the rest of the club danced without a care in the world, not taking notice on two mates finally giving in to one another.

The only thing that mattered right then was him and I.

[mischiefandspirits]

Doppelgänger (14/19)

Previously on Doppelgänger ~ Masterlist ~ Next time on Doppelgänger

Danny, Sam, and Tucker were just 14 when they took a look inside the portal Danny’s parents had built. From there, everything changed. They woke up with white hair, green skin, and powers they could learn to control. They were hybrids, halfas.

They were the hero Doppelgänger.

{Memory Blank, Part 2}

Something sunk into Danny’s stomach as the pieces started coming together. “And you were wearing this all night, up until school?”

“Yes, why? Do you know what’s wrong with me?”

“Not you, us.”

“Us?”

He waved his hands around, trying to encompass everything. “All of us. Everyone. This is supposed to protect you from ghostly powers. So if you think the entire world changed on you overnight, maybe it did! Maybe a ghost used some… some reality altering ability.”

Valerie’s eyes widened. “And since I was wearing that, I was unaffected.”

“Do you remember any ghosts that were about lately?”

“The last ghosts I saw were the circus ones and none of them were that strong. Oh, and Terminatra.”

“Termi-who?”

“The ghost in the park, the one that attacked Paulina. She looked just like the movie monster Terminatra.”

“Movie monster… Wait! Like that new movie coming out. The chick flick.”

“Chick flick?”

“The one with the three female monsters.”

“Trinity of Doom is not a chick flick,” she chuckled.

“It’s the closest Sam gets to chick flicks and she’s the only girl I hang out with.”

“I’ll give you that.” She shook her head in amusement. “Yeah, Terminatra is in Trinity of Doom.”

“And let me guess, one of the others is some green shark-alien thing.”

“Femalien?” Valerie pulled up a picture of the poster on her phone and showed it to him. “Yeah. Why?”

He pointed at Femalien. “That’s the ghost that attacked our class.”

“Why are movie monsters coming to life to attack people?”

“Not people, Paulina,” Danny corrected. “And I don’t know why, but I know it’s connected to Sam. Femalien said her name just before Phantom beat her and Sam really wanted to go see the movie, but Tucker and I wanted to go to Paulina’s party since she actually invited us for once.”

“Wow, she hates Paulina on the best day. She’d probably wish hell on her after you guys pulled that.”

Danny went pale. “Wish. Oh man, that explains everything.”

“What? What’d I say?”

“There’s a ghost -- Desiree -- she’s basically a genie. She grants any wish she hears, can make anything come true so long as someone wishes for it.”

“Such as bringing movie monsters to life or changing all of reality as we know it?” Valerie said, her eyes widening.

“Theoretically. I’ve never seen her grant such a big wish before though. What would someone even wish to change things so much?”

“I don’t know, but we need to fix it. Do you know how she was defeated last time?”

Danny snorted. “I wished she’d go into the thermos.”

“It was that easy?” she laughed.

“Like I said, she grants every wish she hears.”

“So we just need to find her then wish everything back to normal before she can grant any… more… wishes! The meteor shower!” Valerie said, grabbing Danny’s shoulders. “She’s going after the meteor shower!”

“Everyone will be making wishes,” Danny said as he caught on. “We need to find her, now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What happened to you?” Tucker asked as Danny stumbled up to them, dreary-eyed.

“Was up all night. Finally figured out what was up with the ghosts and Sam,” Danny yawned.

“Still blaming me?” Sam asked, slamming her locker shut.

“I wasn’t -” Danny groaned and slumped against the lockers. “Look, it was Desiree, okay. She’s back and she messed up big. I need to stop her. I just wish I knew what idiot made a wish to warp the entire world and what they’d even wished for.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked.

He opened his mouth to explain and his breath fogged in front of him. “Wait, no,” he hissed as he realized his mistake. He spun around to see Desiree forming in front of him.

“Well, this is even better than I’d hoped,” she laughed. “You really are getting rid of all my problems, aren’t you?”

Danny took a step back as she pointed a glowing hand at him.

“So you have wished it, so shall it be!”

He dropped to the ground as pink mist washed over him.

“Danny!” Sam and Tucker shouted, running to his side as the ghost flew off. “Are you okay?”

He groaned as he opened his eyes. “What’s going on? Why are we at school?” he asked, sitting up. He looked at his partners, then flinched away. “Who are you? Where are Sam and Tucker?”

They both frowned. “We are Sam and Tucker.”

“Yeah, no you’re not. I’d recognize my partners anywhere.”

“Dude, what did Desiree do to you?” Tucker asked and Danny froze.

“Desiree? What about Desiree?”

“She just hit you with her magic and now you think we’re imposters,” Sam explained.

Danny got to his feet, looking around. “I-I don’t remember anything about Desiree. The last thing I remember was getting home from our pity party and going to bed.”

“Pity party?” Tucker asked.

“Yeah, where Sam and Tucker -- the real ones -- were cheering me up after Val and I… decided we couldn’t date.”

“Date!” the two shouted.

“You can’t date Valerie,” Tucker said.

“I’m aware,” he huffed.

“Seriously Danny, she’s trying to kill Phantom! Why would that even be an option?” Sam said and Danny gave her a confused look.

“Phantom?”

They shared a look and Tucker said, “Danny Phantom, your ghost form.”

“My ghost form. My, as in not yours.”

“Duh, you’re the half-ghost. Not us.”

Danny sucked in a breath. “Oh no. No, no, no. You guys said Desiree was here?”

“Yeah?”

The school bell rang.

“Crud,” Danny hissed. “Meet me after class. We really need to talk.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You realize how crazy this all sounds, right?” Sam said as she and Tucker watched Danny pace around his room.

“How do you think I feel?” he said, rubbing his neck. “No one remembers anything!”

“Danny, maybe this is just Desiree,” Tucker said.

“Of course it’s Desiree.”

“No, I meant she’s why you’re thinking these things. None of it happened, man.”

“It did though! I know it did!”

“But you only knew this stuff after she blasted you.”

Danny scowled and pinched his nose.

He missed his partners, which these two weren’t even if they were the real Sam and Tucker because these two were human and weren’t in a relationship with him so not only couldn’t they soothe him mentally, but he couldn’t even cuddle with them because the one time he’d mentioned it he’d gotten weird looks and Sam had flushed brighter than a stop sign. He also missed Valerie, but he couldn’t talk to her because they weren’t even friends in this backward world, let alone the messy whatever they were now that they’d admitted their feelings but couldn’t actually date back in his reasonably crazy world.

“I need a nap,” Danny groaned, laying down on his bed.

Then he wondered if he could even take a nap. He was the only halfa in this world. How much extra work did he have? Clearly enough that he screwed up a lot, judging by the stories his friends had told him.

“We don’t have time for that. We need to track down Desiree and fix you.”

Danny moaned and pulled his pillow over his head.

A knock sounded, but Danny ignored it. Who knows how weird his relationship was with Jazz. They’d gotten so much closer since the Spectra thing, he didn’t want to know how not having Sam and Tucker there to save him would have affected that.

“Uh, why is Valerie in her ghost hunter getup outside your window,” Tucker whispered just loud enough for Danny and Sam to hear.

Danny threw the pillow off. “Val?”

Sam scowled at his reaction, but he ignored her and ran to the window.

“Hey, Danny,” Valerie said as she opened it.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, trying to push down his excitement, this wasn’t his Valerie. This Valerie didn’t even like him.

“Checking in,” she said, climbing into his room. “I haven’t seen any sign of Desiree, have you?”

“How does she know about Desiree?” Sam asked.

“You didn’t tell them?” Valerie asked.

“My head’s been in two places lately,” he chuckled. “Were we, uh, working together or something?”

That didn’t make sense given what San and Tucker had said, but he kind of hoped it was true.

Valerie retracted her suit and gave him a worried look. “Yes, after I explained everything to you about Doppelgänger we figured out Desiree was behind it. Don’t you remember?”

“Thank god!” Danny cheered, pulling her into a hug. “You remember Doppelgänger. You don’t know how good it is to hear that, Val.”

“Of course I re-Wait, Val?” She pulled back so she could see his face. She studied it for a moment before smiling. “Danny?”

“Hey, cage buddy.”

She laughed and hugged him back. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, Fenton.”

“Sorry.”

“Uh, hey, yeah, what’s going on?” Sam said, but the two ignored her.

“How did you get your memories back?”

“Heck if I know. All I know is Sam and Tucker said Desiree blasted me and when I woke up I could remember everything from our world. This one’s bananas by the way.”

“Tell me about it.”

“How do you remember everything?”

“Your Specter Deflector. It stopped me from being affected.”

“Go me.”

Suddenly a hand grabbed the back of Danny’s shirt and he was yanked away from his -- honestly, much needed as he hasn’t gone this long without cuddles in ages -- hug.

“Yeah, hi, still here,” Sam growled, sending Valerie a death glare.

She stared at Sam for a moment, then glanced at Danny. “Does Sam have a crush on you in this world?”

Danny shrugged as Sam sputtered and Tucker snickered.

“I don’t have a crush on Danny!”

“Right, back on topic. Desiree, any ideas,” Valerie said.

“Last time I met her, Tucker and I went to a W-ing fountain and W-ed for her to appear so we could capture her. We could try that again,” Danny offered.

“Good enough. Let’s go.”

“Hold on,” Sam said, yanking Danny back when he tried to follow Valerie to the window. In a low voice, she said, “What are you doing? You can’t go to a ghost fight with her. Your secret.”

“Calm down, Sam. We’re just going to W for her to fix everything then go in the thermos. No fighting involved. Besides, I’ve fought in human form plenty of times. I won’t give myself away.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Yes, I have. You need to trust me.”

“You can’t go alone. You need to let us help you.”

Danny gave a sad smile and grabbed her hand off his arm. He squeezed it, saying, “Trust me, if this has taught me anything, it's that I need you guys at my side. But not this time. You guys don’t know what’s at stake. Besides, I’m not alone. Val’s got my back.”

“That’s worse than alone.”

Danny leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be fine, promise.”

He pulled back and was surprised to see she looked floored and was cherry flushed.

Okay, Valerie might have been right about the crush. Weird.

Danny took that as his chance to follow Valerie to the window. He sent Tucker a smile, but the tech geek was too busy gaping at him and Sam.

“Let’s get out of this crazy world,” Danny said as he climbed onto the hoverboard.

“Agreed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Home sweet home,” Danny sighed as he brushed against the mind link. His partners seemed confused, but affectionate and he quickly assured them he’d explain later.

He and Val were currently hovering over the park, sitting side by side on her board. Valerie had the thermos containing Desiree in hand, fiddling with it as they stared out at the sunset.

“I’m glad you were there to help.”

“It was the least I could do. The, uh, W was actually mine,” he admitted.

“Really? What had you been W-ing for?”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. It was a stupid one. I was just sad and frustrated and worried about Sam and Tucker.” He looked up at her. “And you.”

She smiled and took his hand. “About what we talked about?”

“Val -”

“I know what you said, but I don’t care if you have a secret.”

“I do,” he sighed, pulling his hand away. “I don’t want to have to lie to you.”

“Then don’t. If you can’t tell me something, then just tell me that.” She turned fully to Danny. “This whole mess has made me realize that I want to be with you, Danny. If that means you have secrets, then I can live with that. I,” she thought about Doppelgänger floating before her with blood-red eyes, “have my own secrets too. And it wouldn’t be fair for me to ask you to keep my secret, then be turned off by the fact you’re keeping someone else’s.”

“You’ll be mad I kept it from you when you find out,” he whispered.

“Then you can hit me over the head and remind me it’s my own fault.”

He snorted. “I don’t have a death wish, thanks.”

She reached up to cup his cheek. “I’m serious, Danny.”

“This is a bad idea,” he said, but he didn’t pull away.

“It will be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I want this, and I know you do too.”

“I…” You deserve to be selfish sometimes. “I do. I’m just worried.”

She leaned forward and kissed him, soft and sweet.

When they pulled back, she said, “Don’t be.”

He smiled and squeezed her hand. “Sam, Tucker, and I were going to see a movie tomorrow, but do you want to come over after to watch the meteor shower together? The best time to watch is supposed to be one in the morning.”

“Can’t wait.”

[freeshavacado]

My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:

* wait how old is Sam

* He do be liking Astrid doe

* Damn so Sam is a Leader

* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮

* Ok I googled it Sam is 14

* I like Quinn

* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far

* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD

* Poor Mary :(

* Howard’s a bitch

* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker

* I love Edilio

* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid

* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit

* LANAAAAA :(((

* Poor thing is in so much pain

* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good

* She’s deadass slowly dying

* Thank god her arm is better

* I want to make this into a TV series

* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear

* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn

* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???

* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN

* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(

* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...

* HELP SAM HES CHOKING

* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted

* Quinn low key an ass tho

* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit

* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀

* Omg little Pete has it too

* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2

* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true

* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒

* Caine is up to some shit 🤨

* Lmao hold up

* Diana probably whipped tho

* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩

* I bet Drake is hot

* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON

* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀

* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?

* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀

* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified

* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”

* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML

* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD

* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids

* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh

* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side

* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄

* Jack is such a smartsass

* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒

* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL

* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still

* Bruh I hate Caine

* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh

* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong

* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta

* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH

* Poor Bette :(

* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again

* I love Edilio so much

* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him

* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????

* Drake is such a bastard oh my god

* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻

* No seriously. I fucking hate him.

* Nooooo Bette died :((

* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

* Did they kiss or not wtf

* What the hell is up with this cat

* Ah so they did kiss!!

* Why didn’t I get details 🤨

* No a baby died 😞

* Quinn s u c k s

* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared

* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(

* Lol Diana sucks

* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake

* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted

* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???

* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?

* Okay NOW they’re awkward

* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY

* I HATE QUINN

* These kids are crazy violent

* Fuck Diana

* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬

* Caine is in love with Diana 👀

* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛

* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL

* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior

* ROASTED ^

* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself

* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE

* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole

* Poor Astrid :(

* Poor Little Pete :(

* Bro I need this to be a movie

* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan

* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school

* Fuck Drake

* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.

* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?

* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up

* THE COYOTES AGAIN??

* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”

* Wowwwwwwwwwww^

* Lmaooo “L.P.”

* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”

* Okay he a lil’ horny

* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺

* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes

* Bruh these coyotes 😒

* Diana is annoying

* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf

* Poor Andrew :(

* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA

* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus

* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️

* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s

* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?

* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀

* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids

* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself

* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨

* Diana. I hate you

* Bro I feel bad for Andrew

* How is Lana back at the cabin?

* That IS Lana right??

* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢

* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT

* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT

* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”

* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮

* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross

* Like get a spoon or something

* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨

* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”

* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny

* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑

* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid

* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.

* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate

* Fuck you, Quinn

* Fuck drake

* I would gladly kill Drake

* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH

* SIMP

* omg I love it 😩

* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow

* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.

* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn

* Yes please kill drake.

* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain

* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone

* DAMMIT DRAKE

* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone

* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now

* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that

* What tf is up with this DVD

* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦

* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg

* Where is Patrick?????

* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands

* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.

* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf

* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake

* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD

* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER

* AND SHE SAID IT BACK

* IM. S O F T

* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)

* But like whatever 😭❤️

* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared

* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀

* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience

* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him

* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”

* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn

* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn

* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am

* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?

* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????

* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒

* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit

* Ok finally he tried to shoot him

* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”

* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real

* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that

* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c

* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally

* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit

* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢

* I TOLD YALL ^^^

* Yay Patrick is alive :)

* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”

* ^im. Depressed

* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is

* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”

* ^good.

* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴

* We love to see it ^

* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡

[dcarevu]

DCAU #18: See No Evil

“Hey! Who locked the bathroom?!”

Watching this show in production-order as opposed to airing-order is drastically altering how I perceive it. This is an episode that I had no memory of. Like, none. And then when I watched it, yeah, I managed to sense some vague familiarity (at least enough to know I didn’t miss it the first time I went through the show), but it was basically like watching it for the first time. This time was different, though, and I actually think that this episode is not only worth remembering, but it’s kinda another key episode! I know, you probably have your doubts, but hear me out. Maybe by the end of today’s blog post, you’ll at least see where I’m coming from.

Episode: 17 Robin: No Writer: Martin Pasko Director: Dan Riba Animator: Dong Yang Airdate: February 24, 1993 Grade: A Where do I begin with See No Evil… Talking about an episode like this is weird, because knowing that I can praise an episode you don’t see praised as often as, say, Heart Of Ice puts more pressure on me to say what I feel I need to say. With Two-Face I didn’t really need to worry about getting my points about how great it is through. Everyone already knows. I was preaching to the choir. But this episode doesn’t have the flashy villain. It also doesn’t have the landmark status. Hell, its airing number was 56. By that point, this episode wasn’t special at all. The series was more than halfway over. The airing order wasn’t all bad, I mean, let’s bring up Heart Of Ice again. It’s a wonderful episode, but imagine if it aired more than halfway through the series. We’d probably be looking at it at least a little differently. I believe that See No Evil got swept into the cracks. No real harm done, don’t take this as me saying that losing this episode like that was a travesty. I still wouldn’t put it on a top 10 list or anything (at least, I don’t think I would). But I want to shine the spotlight on it, even if it’s just through this post. Give it a little bit of love, and hopefully at least get a few to acknowledge it as an achievement within Batman the Animated Series, despite it often being seen as a standard.

(“Hey! Who locked the bathroom?!” Try knocking, asshole!)

What’s funny is that the first few minutes are more engaging and have better atmosphere than the entire climax of our last episode. And that had explosions and fires galore! This is essentially just a little kid talking to a seemingly supernatural being! Wait. A little kid? In a Batman TAS episode? I know you’re going, “I thought you said this episode was good.” As I said. Hear. Me. Out. Now there’s something that creeps me out about things such as dolls coming to life, whether they’re actually sentient, or some creepy invisible thing is manipulating them. Especially when intentions are clearly malicious to everyone except for the naive child. It’s that creepy manipulation aspect. You ever see a horror movie where the mom asks their kid who they’re talking to, and at that moment you know that it’s not just their imaginary friend? That something sinister is lurking around? Hell, when I was a little kid I used to partially wake up in the middle of the night and see things in the dark. Apparently one time I asked my mom over and over if she could see/hear the lady with the guitar wandering through the house. If I were my mom, I woulda packed my bags and moved out until I could get ahold of the god damn Ghostbusters (by the way, Ghostbusters 3, what the actual fu-).

(Char thought this scenery was really spooky. I’d have to agree!)

But anyway, getting back on topic… Now, we later of course find out that this “ghost” is just a regular dude, and is in fact the girl’s father. But, despite concerns, that doesn’t remove the tension from the episode at all. There’s a horror movie called Hush which I enjoyed a lot more than I thought I was going to. But one minor nitpick is that, although it helps alleviate the cliché, when the killer removes his mask and we start to slowly see them as more human than blank, creepy slate, the scariness takes a hard hit. I hear a similar complaint with how some of the modern Halloween movies make Michael too human, and although it can often create a stronger character, that doesn’t exactly help improve the Halloween movies. Michael Myers is scary because of how mysterious and inhuman he is. My point is that relatability alone cannot always take the place of that haunting alien quality. And our villain, Lloyd Ventrix, goes through a similar transformation as we learn more about him. But here, it doesn’t hurt the episode, it only makes it more interesting. I’m usually all about sympathetic villains on this show, but it would have been so easy to turn this into a typical emotion-driven story about a dad who misses his daughter and uses his invisibility to see her sometimes. Granted, this story could have worked. It worked in Spider-Man 3 with the Sandman (I actually like that movie, despite having some major problems with it). But instead we go for a different route where somehow our character gets scarier when we find out who he is and what he wants. The best way I can put it is that we found out what he wants without finding out what he wants after he gets what he wants. Whatever it is, though, it’s likely not good. Something is so off about Ventrix. And it’s actually explained why. The chemicals in his invisibility suit are basically making him go crazy. He’s not going crazy in a cartoonish way, it’s a legitimate mentally ill way.

(Look at that fixated glare. <Shudders>)

He stalks. He steals. And despite the super villain element, there’s a realness to it all that puts the real accounts of child kidnapping and stalking at the back of your mind. Enough to get a slight case of the willies. We find out from the mother that Ventrix has basically no redeeming qualities at all, but she doesn’t know much more about his motivations than we do. Even his daughter. She has no idea who he is when he reveals his face to her. Add in the fact that he ignores his restraining order at one point in the episode to try and show his ex wife that he’s a changed man because he has money now, and it makes you real glad that Batman exists in this world to protect the more innocent.

(“Goth Mart”. Love it. This store would eventually become Hot Topic.)

I legitimately feel like his daughter would have been in danger if she would have gotten into that car. Ugh. Yeah. That’s another thing. Ventrix trying to get his daughter into his car (when she has no idea who he is, they likely haven’t communicated face to face since before she can even remember), and her saying that her mom told her to not talk to strangers. Ahhhhhh! Scary! And she sees his face and gets creeped out that he’s a grown-ass man she’s never seen before. Like, am I the only one so disturbed by this guy? In a world that unfortunately contains child-molestors and killers, can you blame me?

(I really love this little girl’s character model. Beautiful eyes!)

Now, if you’ve never seen this episode (go watch the series, dude!), you’re probably a little surprised about this being an episode of Batman the Animated Series. But they don’t play everything quite so scary. In fact, there was a decent amount of comic relief, and it was genuinely funny. There was one moment where Batman jumps onto our villain’s invisible car as it starts racing through the city. At first, this looked stupidly campy. I was thinking of the Invisible Boatmobile. And also, since we can’t see the car, we just see what appears to be Batman flying around in an incredibly static position at 90 mph. But the show was smart. Martin Pasko knew that this would look stupid. So they embrace it. We see a civilian who notices Batman speeding by, and he goes, “I didn’t know he could fly too!” in a pretty funny voice. Char and I both laughed out loud. It was very well played.

Speaking of funny voices, by the way, holy hell, the voice work in this episode was incredible. Every character’s voice had so much…well…character! My favorite voice performance in the episode was actually that one scientist (Sam Giddell was his name) that Batman talked to about the invisibility plastic. He was kinda funny sounding, but not in a cartoony way. He sounded exactly how he should, a nerdy, dedicated, hard-working researcher. He was no Seymour the scientist (anyone who gets that reference gets a bat-cookie. Or maybe a lava cookie…), that’s for sure. Y’know who another surprisingly great voice came from? Batman. You’re probably thinking, “This is Kevin Conroy, Collin. His Batman voice is always great.” You’d be right…kinda. Watch The Cat and the Claw, and then go watch the Superman TAS episode World’s Finest. One is really good. One is great, and the Batman voice we’ve come to know and love from Conroy. I think that See No Evil is our first episode with the definitive Kevin Conroy Batman voice. Especially when compared to The Cat and the Claw where everyone was barely talking above a whisper (I still don’t know what that was about, honestly). Really, The Cat and the Claw coming right before this episode just highlights why this episode is a key episode even more. The Red Claw ended up being a little bit more gimmicky and stock than I would have liked. And she was a little bit too…exaggerated? Think back to that attack on the train. See No Evil indeed has a villain with a gimmick, don’t get me wrong. But this gimmick is one that provides a lot of plot-points that don't feel empty. It’s how he manages to frequently talk to his daughter. It’s how he managed to kidnap her. It’s how he committed so many of his crimes. It’s how he gave Batman so much damn trouble. Compare this to the level of meat that Red Claw provided for that story. Miles apart.

Underneath this gimmick, which essentially is a way of giving someone in this show a super power, we have a regular guy (well…kinda) without even a supervillian name. Bruce Timm and co from the beginning wanted the show to focus on good stories rather than freaks of the day. They made it clear that sometimes this would involve regular mobsters or, maybe people like Ventrix. We’ve already done similar with It’s Never Too Late, but I think that this episode is even better in some aspects.

It isn’t perfect, though. The scene with Batman on top of the car, yeah, the joke was funny, but it goes on a little too long for me. Also, the bit where Ventrix pulled that robbery of the jewelry at the beginning I had mixed thoughts on. Like, dude. You’re invisible. You manage to quietly sneak an item into your pocket, but then decide to throw the idea of stealth completely out the window by ripping jewelry out of people’s hands, shoving people around, and dumping out displays right in front of people? Oh, good job, now you alerted Batman, you moron.

(An in-costume Ventrix, visible.)

At the same time, though, we do establish later on that this guy isn’t mentally there, so maybe that’s a decent enough reason. Either way, these are nitpicks through and through, and calling them anything but would be doing an injustice. This episode is awesome. I haven’t even talked about the step up in action scenes yet. This is probably the best the series has been so far with action. Except for when Mr. Freeze rode that fire hydrant into a building. That was amazing. Batman gets the shit beat out of him in this episode. I think that maybe they could get away with more because the villain was invisible for most of the hits or something, but the way that they were animated still makes them look just as painful as any hits from a completely visible person would have.

(Caption this?)

(Or this.)

(Or this.)

(Or even this.)

Yeah, the animation here was done by Dong Yang. Y’know. The same ones who did Nothing to Fear and I’ve Got Batman In My Basement. Before I checked on who the animation studio was, I totally would have guessed TMS or Spectrum. It looks that great. A major step up from those two mentioned episodes. The only weird bit was that Batman’s face looked a tiny bit off occasionally, but it's barely noticeable. It’s mostly in his nose, and how it tends to hang down. Anyway, yeah. Lots of great action scenes. Probably one of the coolest was when water is raining down on the battlefield, and Batman uses that to keep an eye on Ventrix and take him out. Here, he is totally visible, but they don’t cut back on the damage being done by Batman’s fists and feet. But y’know what the main thing I noticed with this bit was? The live action Daredevil movie totally got the final fight scene from this episode. Coincidentally Ben Affleck is a common denominator.

There are lots of other little things I could say. There were a few more funny bits, a particular scene where Batman is rummaging through some files and tension skyrockets, and even the technical mumbo jumbo that surprisingly made a lot of sense and didn't seem to jump the shark much… It’s mostly all great. This is why production order is so important for this episode in particular. By the time episode 56 arrived, much of See No Evil’s achievements had already been seen! But watching it this way, we see a huge boost in good comic relief, a huge boost in action, a huge boost in tension/borderline horror elements, a huge boost in animation (at least for this particular studio), a huge boost in voice work, and a solid, entertaining story to go with all of it. I really liked this episode, as did Char, and this is why it gets a proud, sturdy A from me. Char mentioned to me that this villain felt like a one-shot, and I’m guessing she’s right (I can’t quite recall). I bet they could have done another interesting story with Ventrix, and maybe he found his way into some of the DCAU comics? Speaking of that…

I made a post earlier, but I wanted to reiterate! There are DCAU comics. There are actually a lot of them. Now, I have no idea which ones are technically still considered canon (or which ones ever were). But what I’d like to do is put in a little research and start including them in this blog! Unfortunately, these likely won’t align together as nicely as the episodes do. Because I’m watching Batman in production order, it’s kinda hard to then look at the comic dates and place them appropriately throughout. So I’m going to treat them more as a separate thing and check them out at my own pace. I don’t even own any right now, so it’s likely gonna be a while before I even get to them. I still don’t know if I want to do all of them, or just the confirmed canon ones? Any input? Lemme know! With that, I’ll see y’all next week, most likely, as we…um…head west…

Char’s grade: A

Next time: Beware Of the Grey Ghost Full episode list here!

[eggoreviews]

MCU Villains RANKED

I finished watching all the MCU films a few days ago (I have too much time on my hands) and, as a first Marvel list, I thought I’d rank all of the main villains in terms of how cool/powerful/how generally good I think they are. Come and see where your faves have placed in this messy, ill-informed list!

This list includes all of the main villains for every film up to Infinity War (Ant-Man and the Wasp isn’t out yet so it’d be difficult to include Ghost in here) with a couple of side villains that I felt needed a spot in the list. Enjoy! (Also, possible spoilers ahead for basically any MCU film)

Disclaimer: My opinion will probably, definitely not be yours

23. Whiplash (Iron Man 2)

Oh God.

I’m pretty vocal about how much I’m really not a fan of Iron Man 2 in general, but one of its worst aspects is a totally forgettable and laughable villain. I mean, I think at some point he has a subplot about his dad or something but most of the time he’s whining about his ‘bord’ and building shitty whips with his tech rather than something useful.

22. King Laufey (Thor)

I mean, sure. I guess this guy wasn’t supposed to act as much more than suitably evil looking blue person for Thor to fight. What puts Laufey ahead of Whiplash is pure cool factor, like I wouldn’t mess with this guy. He’d freeze me or somethin’.

21. Abomination (The Incredible Hulk)

Honestly, this is probably a higher ranking for Abomination than any other list I’ve seen. My only issue with this guy is that he’s a bit eh. Despite being played by Tim Roth, a brilliant actor who appears in multiple of my favourite films, his character is just one dimensional, sweaty soldier until the end when he turns into one dimensional, sweaty green monster. Again, his minor redeeming quality comes with his raw strength (say what you like about the Hulk film, that Harlem fight at the end is well worth watching the other hour and a half), but he’s very much let down by an underdeveloped character and a completely absent motive for anything.

20. Aldrich Killian (Iron Man 3)

Okay, now we’re getting into the villains that sort have a motive at some point. Personally, I didn’t hate the whole ‘Ben Kingsley isn’t the Mandarin’ twist, so that’s not why he’s placed so low. I’ll agree that that Guy Pearce plays a decent villain here, but the film itself is so messy and full of subplots that Killian sort of gets lost in it and never really develops beyond angry rooftop guy who can set himself on fire.

19. Malekith (Thor: The Dark World)

I thought Thor 2 was pretty damn okay and not the horrendous mess people make it out to be and I’ll defend Christopher Eccleston’s Malekith just as tentatively. Malekith’s only downfall is a non-existent character beyond cool looking menacing elf dude. We know that he wants to make everything all dark again for reasons that aren’t quite clear, but that’s kind of it. Again, his slightly higher ranking is more the cool factor.

18. Darren Cross (Ant-Man)

Cool suit by the way my dude.

Corey Stoll’s Yellowjacket is a pretty by-the-numbers MCU villain. He has his moments, particularly the Mexican standoff during the presentation of his suit, but he’s a pretty okay aspect of an otherwise great film. He holds his own as a decent villain, but his backstory and motives borrow a little too heavily from Iron Man’s Obadiah Stane. And he doesn’t quite pull off the disgraced CEO as well as Jeff Bridges.

17. Ronan (Guardians of the Galaxy)

I loved Lee Pace in the Hobbit films, so the fact that Pace plays Ronan well isn’t in question. The thing about Ronan is that it seems like putting the heartless genocidal racist at the centre of a comedic superhero film about a group of misfits acts as a pretty jarring tone shift. It sort of feels like Ronan was stuffed into the wrong film here (But maybe that’s why he’s having his second round in Captain Marvel next year). Ronan isn’t exactly forgettable, but when surrounded by such rich and interesting characters, his destructive plans and endless angry monologues just sort of melt into the background.

16. The Black Order (Avengers: Infinity War)

I sort of lumped these guys all together purely because I don’t think any one of them shines out as more developed than another. They act as cool, menacing underlings to the purple fucklord that is Thanos and I’m almost kind of mad they didn’t make it to Avengers 4. As little development as there is, you can tell each one of them plays a specific role (Cull Obsidian is obviously massive brawn thing, Ebony Maw is the clever one, Proxima and Corvus enjoy stabbing things etc), which means the only thing that’s really stopping these guys from appearing higher is lack of screen time.

15. Ultron (Avengers: Age of Ultron)

Age of Ultron, like Thor 2, is often crapped on just as heavily for reasons I don’t think are hugely valid. And, like Thor 2, its villain is often the centre of the crapping. Ultron’s motives are relatively clear throughout the film and he feels central enough to be a genuine threat. I also like the plot arc that Ultron is the Avenger’s (particularly Tony and Bruce’s) fault, so that gives a whole new dynamic to his character. My only issue with Ultron is how odd his humour seems at times, as if he can’t quite decide whether he wants to be the serious villain or the funny villain. I’m all for villains showcasing both of these traits but, in Ultron’s case, he seems conflicted on which he’s trying to be.

14. Alexander Pierce (Captain America: The Winter Soldier)

Robert Redford plays the creepy Hydra dude very well and there’s something genuinely sinister about Pierce that especially comes through with his willingness to kill twenty million people. Pierce’s only downfall is that he’s a non-enhanced villain among many super-powered heroes and villains. So for all his sinister acting, Pierce just comes off as a little bit powerless. Not that this at all negates Redford’s performance or the strings Pierce pulls within SHIELD, it’s just that his lack of genuine power is something you can’t help but think about.

13. Justin Hammer (Iron Man 2)

I maintain that the only saving grace of Iron Man 2, aside from the newly cast Don Cheadle as Rhodey, is Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer. He brings genuine humour to an otherwise joyless film and acts as a worthy adversary to Tony Stark. Also, his dancing during the Stark Expo? Worth watching the film for. I’d be very happy to see him return, although it might be a little late due to the fact that Iron Man may be about to make his exit in Avengers 4. RIP Justin, maybe another time my dude.

12. Obadiah Stane (Iron Man)

Here he is, the villain that started it all. Jeff Bridges’ Iron Monger makes for a genuinely chilling, unsettling villain whose calmness is probably his most terrifying trait. At the centre of any good film, especially a Marvel film, is a good, compelling villain and Bridges manages this with ease. Unlike the two Iron Man sequels, this is an Iron Man villain who genuinely feels like he’s up to taking down Stark.

11. Kaecilius (Doctor Strange)

Kaecilius is yet another chilling villain played by the brilliant Mads Mikkelson who, much like Stane, feels like a match to the protagonist. But what put Kaecilius ahead of him for me is the fact that he believes what he’s doing is completely right; he thinks he’s granting everyone eternal life, rather than enslaving them to Dormammu (who won’t be included because of his lack of screen time/only redeeming quality being his massive face). This alongside some kickarse magical abilities just puts him up a bit more. Time for the top ten!

10. Helmut Zemo (Captain America: Civil War)

Daniel Bruhl goes full Bond villain for this one. Civil War in itself is a movie packed full of conflict at its core, so it takes a pretty memorable villain to make a mark on a film like this. Bruhl’s Helmut Zemo pulls all the strings behind the Avengers’ downfall and does so with a lot of sinister energy. But at the same time, we’re compelled to feel sorry for the fact that he lost his family in Sokovia during Age of Ultron. I think we’re probably going to see this guy making a return in future.

9. The Grandmaster (Thor: Ragnarok)

I love Jeff Goldblum. Everyone loves Jeff Goldblum. And while he plays more of a minor villain role in Ragnarok, I think he made much more of a mark and delivered a more compelling, genuinely funny performance than any other Thor villain. So it’d be pretty amazing to see him come back for a future film. Especially if Taika Waititi has something to do with it.

8. Ulysses Klaue (Avengers: Age of Ultron, Black Panther)

It’s pretty rare to see Andy Serkis in the flesh in a film rather than behind a lot of CGI and this character couldn’t have been played by anyone else. With Klaue being the second of two minor villains in this list alongside the Grandmaster, Klaue most makes his presence felt in Black Panther where he more than holds his own alongside Michael B. Jordan’s Killmonger (who we’ll get to later).  Andy Serkis brings a hell of a lot of humour and genuine manic energy to this role and this is near enough his best performance. It’s just a shame that Ulysses Klaue is unlikely to return, considering the fact he was a shot multiple times during Black Panther.

7. Red Skull (Captain America: The First Avenger)

Here is a villain that more than deserves his spot in the top ten. Arguably one of the most memorable villains of Marvel’s first phase, Hugo Weaving plays the angry clever Nazi scarily well. What makes him so great is the fact that he’s the complete antithesis to Captain America, which just makes the conflict between them seem more interesting. Plus, come on, it’s Hugo Weaving. He’s in every good film ever. What a guy.

6. Ego (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2)

Kurt Russell’s Ego places this high for many reasons, mainly the fact that he doesn’t present himself as the villain until towards the end of the film and yet the film functions perfectly without a central antagonist (I love Guardians 2 a lot. This will become obvious probably). Ego even retains the parts of his character that you originally related to before he goes full bad guy and tries to cover all the planets in blue marshmallow fluff. Other than a couple of misplaced jokes (’I’m gonna go take a whiz’), Ego is a near-perfect Marvel villain.

5. Vulture (Spider-Man Homecoming)

I struggle to call this guy a villain, even though he undoubtedly is. Everything he does is out of a place of concern for his family and the only murder he commits in the whole of the film was an accident. Okay, so this doesn’t necessarily make him a good person, but what makes him any better than the Netflix Punisher? Or Deadpool? Anyway, kind of irrelevant, Michael Keaton plays his second bird super-character in the same way he plays all of his roles; amazingly. One of the main elements of Homecoming that made it such a genuinely good reboot was an interesting, relatable villain that you struggle to hate (apart from maybe when he’s pummeling Spidey into the ground at the end, that hurt my feelings).

4. Loki (Thor, The Avengers)

You can’t really call Loki a villain anymore, similarly to Bucky, M’Baku and Nebula (her especially, if she isn’t a full time guardian by the third one I’m not gonna be happy), he’s undergone a redemption arc that hasn’t negated his mischievous behaviour, but just makes sure the good parts of his character shine through a little more (that’s why I’ve only listed the two films in which I would class Loki as a villain). Tom Hiddleston plays Loki in a very sinister way, but more importantly with an overriding sense of fun. He perfectly strikes a balance between being a funny villain whilst still maintaining his sense of power.

3. Thanos (Avengers: Infinity War)

Speaking of sense of power, it crushed my heart a little to see Loki get so easily offed at the beginning of Infinity War, making Loki’s usually undeniably effective plots seem like cheap parlor tricks (to be fair, all he did was pretend he wasn’t going to stab him, but I guess if Loki’s desperate, you know everyone’s fucked at that point). Aside from all that, Thanos easily is the most terrifying character in the MCU, purely because of sheer power. Josh Brolin plays him (and Cable too) with overflowing gravitas and a threatening aura that seems to be present in everything he does. Even if he is inevitably defeated in Avengers 4, the mark he’s left on the MCU is gonna sting the survivors for some time (Sidenote: if any Guardian turns out to be permanently dead, I will officially never get over that. Yondu was bad enough).

2. Hela (Thor: Ragnarok)

Cate Blanchett as the first central female MCU villain (as well as the goddess of death) is iconic. Hela presents the same threatening, overly powerful aura that Thanos has and does every despicable act with a sense of sadistic humour. If I had the choice to bring back one villain, it would be Hela, because I very much doubt she died when Surtur squished Asgard, so her lasting mark may end up being equal to Thanos’. Or maybe she’ll turn out to be Lady Death? So many possibilites but to be honest, as long as they bring her back, I’m up for anything.

1. Killmonger (Black Panther)

Who else was it going to be? Black Panther in itself was an iconic film, not just for its cultural significance, but also for breaking the usual Marvel mold with its narrative. And at the centre of all this is Michael B. Jordan’s Killmonger, who perfectly strikes the balance between someone you love to hate and hate to love. But most of all, Killmonger’s death holds the most emotion of any villain-centric moment for me, as the ever brilliant T’Challa takes him up to see Wakanda’s sunset before he dies. But overall, what puts Killmonger ahead of all the others is the fact that everything he’s doing could easily be seen as morally correct, just not in its execution. All Killmonger wanted in the end was to arm and support his oppressed brothers and sisters, which highlights the film’s political message. Among irrelevant whip-wielding Russian scientists and endless business people in metal suits, Killmonger stands out as a villain you can side with as easily as the hero and is a villain I find it the most difficult to show any dislike for. (Totally not relevant, but Michael B. Jordan plays a good character in a cool indie film called Chronicle that came out a few years ago. If you're planning on watching a film anytime this week, I highly recommend you watch it, it will blow you away)

Phew. That took a while. Thanks for reading if you made it this far and feel free to let me know your top picks for MCU villains! If I do another Marvel list, will probably be the actual films next.

Have a good day/night my dudes