#god it’s nice to have someone be equally as obsessed w me as I am w them tbh

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the liyue crew

characters included: xiao, childe, beidou, and zhongli

ik i forgot ningguang i promise i’ll include her in part 2, i just didn’t have time :(

all x a gn! reader 

my liyue babies :,) ft. ningguang in spirit

an: i was listening to my soft playlist (more like listening to cupid’s chokehold on repeat, no i am not basic 🔪) and i thought some fluff headcanons would be cute w these sweet people

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xiao

ok so no surprise that he hates liyue harbor

he hates anything w a lot of people in it so he prefers to stay at wangshu inn tyvm

but by contrast, you love liyue harbor sm (it’s gorgeous i mean c’mON)

you go there often to retrieve your commissions in order to stay closer to xiao (liyue harbor is closer than mondstadt he argues but you’re well aware that they’re both equally far away)

so if anyone asked, xiao would absolutely refuse to go to the harbor like i hate people??? why would you even ask???

but,,,he’s so sOFT for you

if you asked??? he would agree in a heartbeat

but since he’s >:( angsty boy, he makes you think that he won’t go even when he’s already decided that he’s coming w you

he puts up the “if you so require, then i guess i will assist you with your travels in liyue harbor” but in reality he would definitely have said yes even without the almond tofu

while he hates the harbor, he thinks that with you anything is bearable :,) simp

you take him to see xinyan to vibe w her music and you can tell he really enjoys it

even tho he’s like 🕴 the entire time, you see the softer look on his face and the very slight smile on his lips as he listens to the music and watches the crowd

so so so cute very soft for him

i do see him as a subtly touchy person in public like brushing the hair off your face, swiping his thumb across your cheek, or gently pulling your hair back when you have a plate of food in your hands 

the type to link your pinkies together - he claims it’s so you don’t get lost but yk better 

after the concert is done you take him to that one waypoint near mt. tianheng and the both of you just watch the city lights and the way they reflect beautifully on the water surrounding the harbor 

personal headcanon that xiao absolutely loves stargazing since he believes the stars are the one true constant in his life especially since he’s experienced so much loss (basically they’ll never leave him god i hate myself why do i make everything SAD)

mini headcanon off of that - he doesn’t stargaze with people,,, like ever 

it’s something he loves to do alone so the fact that he lets you stargaze w him and even allows you to shift your head onto his lap while you watch the sky is a huge deal 

he loves it when you softly whisper abt how your day was or something you saw that made you laugh 

he just loves hearing your voice, it automatically calms the voices in his head 

you absolutely ADORE when he has flowers in his hair especially cecilias (cecillias? ceccillias? idfk) and you make a point whenever you go to mondstadt to pick a fresh batch of cecilias just for xiao while enlisting the help of your favorite bard  

these soft moments on the mountain are usually when you’ll sweetly tuck in a flower or two in his hair while laughing 

he’ll blush fiercely while looking away but will tuck the cecilias in securely as you’re unable to do so due to the position you’re in on his lap

all in all - this was not meant to come out as a date idea but we’re going w it 

this is so cute xiao pls let me put flowers in your hair sweet boy <3

childe

god, loml, my favorite war criminal after eren yeager 

there’s never a dull moment w this man - if you wanted peace and quiet, why the hell are you dating him bestie???

is the type of person to yell out “Y/N, i can’t believe i ran into you here!” if he sees you somewhere even tho you explicitly told him you were going to be here in the morning (ik you have a good memory ajax don’t lie to me 😐)

i don’t see him as being obnoxious w pda unlike someone else kaeya but he would definitely participate (think: handholding, cheek kisses, an arm around your shoulders)

loves it when he comes home and sees you in an apron cooking 

domesticity just makes his heart melt so you can be sure that your face will be peppered w a lot of kisses afterwards <3 

absolutely ADORES it when you trace his scars absentmindedly when you’re lying down or even when you’re having dinner in public  

he’s been far from his family for so long that small acts of mindless affection like this really make his heart happy 

you have him drunk on your love luv haha see what i did there 

he will let you put makeup on him. no i do not take criticism ⛄️

he already has on lowkey thick eyeliner,,, don’t be shy put some more bestie 

he will shamelessly go out in public w whatever you made him wear - doesn’t really give a shit even tho he has a reputation to maintain 

speaking of reputation,,, yk his mask? yeah that one - the red hair accessory that he has on his head

well on the mask, he attached a little charm the both of you got together on your first date during lantern rite 

it’s this adorable fox that we all shamelessly kill for meat and he placed it so it anchored to the side of his mask so when he fights it isn’t a nuisance or anything (does that make sense??? i hope it does) 

his subordinates notice and while they’re stoic around childe, behind closed doors they do whisper abt the mysterious person who’s captured his heart 

not so mysterious anymore when they literally see him cling onto you during his daily patrol around the harbor 💀

it’s ok tho he’s lucky he’s cute 

bestie,,, pls give him a neck massage 

i just KNOW he’s tense there idk something abt the way he carries himself just screams “my neck hurts so bad someone pls help me i would ask but my pride literally will not let me”

so give him a neck massage :) don’t worry tho he’ll definitely return the favor and then some

LOVES TICKLE FIGHTS 

he’s obsessed w them,,, it’s just the faces you make??? he can’t get enough 

he loves seeing the pure joy and the brief fear (he’s kind of a sadist) in your eyes before he attacks you w those damned hands 

it reminds him a lot of simpler times w his siblings and he’s happy he brings you joy and makes you forget your worries - at least for a little while 

all in all, he’s a good boy and no i will not tolerate childe slander 🔪 kaeya slander tho 😏

beidou

you pulled beidou??? wow everyone’s jealous (pulled as in literally from the banner and in this context but no i do not have beidou and no i definitely do not want to talk abt it)

god made beidou and zhongli just so all of us could have a sexuality crisis 

anyways, being w her is hard i will not lie 

not bc she isn’t a capable lover - no, quite the contrary 

she’s an amazing partner but the problem here lies in the fact that she’s almost never on land 

it’s hard working a long distance relationship but y’all love each other so it works out :,) 

when she is physically present however, expect to never be bored 

she’ll quietly fix the wrinkles on your shirt or fiddle with your fingers in her hands while she recounts her adventures out on sea 

she sometimes gets worried she bores you, however the way your eyes light up every time she tells a tale always reassures her otherwise

definitely the type to let you use her claymore if you want to learn 

she’ll provide useful tips as she tucks her hands into your sides gently, positioning you correctly so you don’t hurt yourself 

miss girl is an AMAZING cook 

i just know she cooks the best meals - i mean she’s friends w xiangling after all 

whenever she comes home from a voyage she’ll always insist on making something for you even if she’s abt to pass out 

pls tuck her into bed and promise her that she can make you something in the morning <3 the poor woman needs rest 

brings you back trinkets but they’re actually very practical 

she knows you won’t have much use for a simple charm (not that there’s anything wrong w that) but she believes you’ll like something practical more so she might get you a new engraved knife from the most recent place she’s been to 

definitely the type to surprise you when she docks 

i can imagine her anchoring her ship out a little ways from liyue harbor and rowing to the dock in order to make sure you aren’t alerted of her presence (i’m sorry the mental picture this made in my mind is SENDING ME INTO ORBIT but she means well i love you)

will take you to remote spots she’s found in her travels through liyue 

for example - the little heart shaped island and the island quest (?) that you had to use kaeya the bridge maker for in order to get to im sorry i’ll stop w the kaeya slander

she’ll get you seashell bracelets or necklaces idk why but she gives me those vIBES 

they’re super nice ones too, only the highest quality for you 

yes she’s a bruh girl but i also see her as someone who would enjoy intimate moments like watching the sunset or something 

“yo wanna catch the sunset, i heard it looks sick from the jade chamber” said before ahem it yk fell from the sky

kasdjksfashfjsahf yes ofc i would love to catch the sunset w you pls come home luv

anyways, she is a woman i would give the world for 

zhongli

ok gimme a sec i need to get my gentleman mode on 

this man,,, THIS MAN 

everything w him is so soft like your entire eXISTENCE w him could go in a museum it’s that beautiful 

in the morning when he visits you, he always brings you a cup of your favorite tea and a bouquet of glaze lilies he got from madame ping

holds the door for you, pushes the chair out for you, uses a napkin and brushes sauce off your lips when you’re eating - you name something sweet, he’s done it

secretly loves it when you fuss over him 

he doesn’t like to fight but say he encountered a group of hillichurls he couldn’t avoid and promptly defeated them but ended up tearing a part of his tux(?) (is it a tux? i could not tell you)

not that big of a deal, i mean it’s a scratch, he’s a 6,000 year old god, he’s dealt w much worse 

but seeing the worried crease in your brows as you usher him to sit at the table while quickly grabbing antiseptic to clean his wound

“it’s just a scratch, my dear. do not worry i’ve dealt with much worse.”

you quietly protest abt how “yes zhongli, i understand you’re an archon and have gotten worse injuries but i’m worried about infection just please let me take care of you ok? <3″ 

when you say that he feels weird emotions,,, wdym take care of him? 

he’s always taken care of himself or been expected to take care of others as the former ruling deity of liyue so having someone else genuinely worry abt his wellbeing creates a warm feeling in his chest 

he strikes me as the type to knit you something??? idk maybe it’s the grandpa vibes but i headcanon that he would knit you a scarf for the colder weather, it’s cute 

in the privacy of your home, he really likes picking you up

he loves it when you wrap your legs around his middle while he gets up to go do the dishes or smthg 

domesticity go brrrr

if you’re into making flower crowns, he would totally have you on his lap and wordlessly hand you a glaze lily whenever you expectantly hold your hand out while weaving the flowers together 

he expects you to make the crown for yourself but when you place the crown on his head and it fits perfectly while simultaneously tucking a glaze lily behind your ear, he looks at you dumbstruck 

his mouth parts open in awe and it’s quite literally the cutest thing

you’ve broken him 

thinks it’s the sweetest thing - will keep it on his head for the whole day 

he’ll even put it in water before he sleeps so it won’t wilt and he can wear it the next day <3 

scenic picnics!! scenic picnics!! 

the type to take you to the nicest spots in liyue to chat abt the history of the land w you over a cup of tea and your favorite food (whatever you like, he doesn’t mind)

recounts the people he’s met in his long life before finishing off by saying you’re by far the best person he’s met 

zhongli strangles lovingly come home soon 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3 

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this

[sunmoonandeddie]

have you seen baby?

pairing: bucky barnes x reader x natasha romanoff

word count: 3,196

summary: You and your two lovers haven’t gotten to spend much time together.  Also, sex pollen.

warnings: Bad words.  Filthy, filthy smut.  Sex pollen.

a/n:  Thank you so much to @cake-writes for this commission!  I loved writing it and I really hope you enjoy it!

It’s late.  

Well.  Relatively late.  Nearing three in the afternoon, and Natasha hadn’t seen you.  Of course, that barred that morning when she woke up to your pretty face still sleeping beside her.  Unfortunately, Bucky was on a mission, otherwise she’d get to see his equally as pretty face on your other side.  It was disappointing.  There was just something so sweet about waking up to the two loves of her life.

But now, it was almost three, and you hadn’t even emerged from your lab for lunch.

Which is why she headed down two floors to the huge lab that you, Tony, and Bruce shared.  You kind of played as an inbetween for the both of them, wanting to know it all and then some.  It was precious.

But it also meant that you had a bad habit of getting lost in your work and not emerging for hours or sometimes days.  You had been getting better about it, if only because Bucky and Natasha were always on your ass about it.

Which is only because they love you.  So much.  Like.  So so much.

“Have you seen Baby?” Natasha asked Sam, who was wandering through the kitchen after his workout.

He had a protein shake in his hand, sweat dripping from his brow.  “No, can’t say I have.  And you know you can call her by her name when it comes to other people, right?”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a look.  “Her name is Baby.”

“To you.”

“To Bucky and me,” she retorted.  “And besides, she doesn’t even respond to her name when it’s coming from us anymore.”  A small smile crept up on her lips.  “It’s adorable.”  But she was on a mission.  She had a little box that came in with the mail that’s a present just for you.

And sometimes Bucky, depending on how he was feeling.

But Natasha didn’t like being touched.  She liked to give, but never to receive.  Her therapist said it had to do with the various traumas that she’d taken on while growing up in the Red Room.  Her body had never been her own during that time.  She’d been hurt over and over and over again, to the point where someone touching her body in a sexual way sent her into a panic attack.

Bucky was mostly the same way.  He had a hard time with sexual touch, though he’d gotten a lot better about it.

It was just one of those things that Natasha had to deal with.  Not that it was hard.  She loved taking care of you with Bucky’s help.  Their little pillow princess.

You were always the smart girl.  Some could argue that you were smarter than both Bruce Banner and Tony Stark simply because you knew both fields and then some.  You tended to become… obsessed.  You had to know more about everything just for the sake of knowing more.  But with that, your mind was always going a million miles an hour.  Which is why when it came to the bedroom, it was really nice to just be able to let go and not think for a while.  You got to be their dumb little baby girl.  It was always about you when it came to sex.

When it came to who needed cuddles and affection, that was when it was their turn.  You slept in the middle of them, cradled between them like a precious pearl.  You fought off their nightmares for them, their fears.  You made them see that they were more than the weapons they had been crafted into.  You provided relief for each other in different ways.

Before you had come along, Bucky and Natasha’s love had been volatile.  They were missing a piece of the puzzle, even if they hadn’t realized it.

And then their precious little princess had been hired on as a scientist, and their lives were forever changed.  They knew immediately that you were the one for them, their missing piece.

Of course, it had taken a while to get you to understand just what they wanted.  You might be the smartest in the lab, but when it came to relationships…

Which is what brought her to today.  You’d been a little… off lately.  Of course, that could be because her and Bucky had been on back to back missions for the past few months.  There hadn’t been a lot of time for the three of you all together, which was always frustrating.  It was the longest amount of time the three of you hadn’t gotten to all be together since becoming a triad.

And they felt even worse when they both had to leave on missions and leave you all by your lonesome.

Maybe they’d get you a kitten.  You wouldn’t have time for a puppy, but a cat?  You’d love that.  A little lab buddy.  Or maybe they’d get you one of those senior cats with three legs that was deaf in one ear.  Yeah, you’d love that.

But then it would die a lot quicker than a kitten, and they’d have to pick up the pieces because that would destroy you.  But then you’d also be so happy that you got to give the cat a really good few years at the end.

Whatever.  She’d talk to Bucky about it when he got home and they could make a decision.

But the little box.

The elevator down to the lab seemed to take forever, the silence mocking her since Tony absolutely hated elevator music and refused to let it play in the Tower.  But was even more unsettling was the fact that you weren’t in the lab.

“Hey, have you seen Baby?” Natasha asked Tony, who was fiddling with something on his tablet.

“It’s still weird that you call her that to everyone.”

“It’s her name.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Her name is—”

“Baby,” Natasha said, glaring at him.  “Yes, I know.  Have you seen her?”

“You disgust me.”  The man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes squeezed shut for a moment.  “I think she went down to the spare testing room.  Something about an unknown vapor.”

An unknown vapor?  You hadn’t mentioned that.  Then again, you’d been kinda quiet lately.

She headed down another few floors, bearing the silence as she went through a mental list of things she needed to get done.  It was your birthday soon.  She needed to make sure all three of you could get off, and she’d plan something really special.  You deserved it.

The testing room you’re in has all floor to ceiling windows for walls, but she can’t see you.

“Strange,” she muttered under her breath.  She headed for the doors, and her eyes widened as she saw you through the glass.

You were lying on the ground, sweat dripping from your brow, with your hand in your pants.  From the… rapid way your hand was moving, there was no mistaking what was happening.

But why the hell were you touching yourself right there where anyone could walk by and see you?!  Not that she didn’t like it.  She loved watching you touch yourself and she often ordered you to when she was in a dominating mood.  It was so much fun watching you edge yourself.

No, it was the whole public thing that was confusing her.

You looked up as she started to push the doors open, her eyes widening.  “N-Natasha, no!” You shouted.

But it was too late.  A sickly sweet substance filled her nose, and seconds later, she felt a strange heat creeping up over her.  What the hell was happening?  And why did her skin feel so warm?

“N-Natasha,” you whimpered, rolling on your side.  Your fingers were still rubbing desperately at your clit, trying to find some kind of release.  “Nattie, it hurts.  It hurts.  M-Make it stop.”

And god damn it.  Her precious lover begging her to make whatever it was stop hurting?  She was gonna figure out a way to make it stop hurting.

She crawled towards her, frowning as she saw a broken test tube on the floor.  “What the hell is this?”  She couldn’t read the label on it, the ink smeared.  Tossing it to the side, she finally made it to you.  “W-What hurts, Baby?  What hurts?”

Your glassy eyes were wild as your hips bucked up in the air, a vein on your forehead popping out.  “F-Fuck me.  Fuck me, Nattie, please,” she begged, whining desperately.  “Oh, my god, I need it.  I need it.  Please.”

“H-Here?  Baby, wha—”

“Natasha, please, I am literally beg… begging you.  Please,” you cried, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Well.  It’s a good thing she brought the box with her.  She ripped it open, pulling out the new harness that she ordered with it.  “Okay.  Okay, angel, but you gotta let me get my strap on, okay?”  She asked sweetly as she stripped down.  She didn’t care who saw.  She had to help her baby girl.

Your response of a weak whimper only made her go faster.

She practically ripped off your clothes, a groan tearing its way out of her throat as she spread your legs.  You were so wet it was obscene, your poor little clit swollen.

“Oh, pretty girl,” she cooed as she ran her fingers through your slick folds, slipping two in with ease.  “You didn’t ask permission to touch yourself, sweetheart…  But I think I can let this time slide…”  With her one free hand, she pulled the new dildo out of its packaging, smirking at the whimper that escaped your lips as you saw it.

It was pretty.  Really pretty.  Eight inches, made of that realistic feeling silicone, and a gorgeous opal color.  Her and Bucky ordered it especially with you in mind, since opals are your favorite.

“N-Natasha, please…”  You grinded against her fingers, your pussy clenching as you tried to get more.

“Oh, good girl…  You look so pretty, Baby.”  She used her one hand to attach the dildo to the harness, her eyes flicking back and forth between the heat between your legs and her fumbling fingers as she finally got it secure.  She ran it through your folds, getting it nice and slicked up.

That’s when the doors opened again, the familiar sound of size twelve boots coming towards them.  “What the hell is that smell and why are you two—”  Bucky broke off as he felt the heat.  “Oh, shit.”

Natasha grinned as she looked over at Bucky.  They were both clearly feeling the heat that the mysterious substance had caused, but not nearly as bad as you were.  “I caught our little baby touching herself without permission… out where anyone could walk by and see her.”

The third member of your triad was already working on undoing his belt, tearing it off so quickly that it ripped a few of his belt loops, leaving little holes in his pants.  “Has our baby been a little naughty?” He asked as he stripped down, kicking off his boots.  He grasped your face with his metal hand, the cool digits a welcome reprieve to the heat that had overwhelmed you.  “Princess, have you been a bad girl?  Huh?”  He lightly slapped your cheek, just enough to get you to answer.  “When I ask a question, I expect an answer, sweetheart.”

You nodded, whining as you nuzzled your head against his cool hand, the angle hurting your neck a little since you were still on your back.  “Yes.  Yes, Bucky.  I’ve been so bad, I’m so sorry…”  You looked up at him with glittering eyes, your cheeks tear stained.  “I need you.  Please.”

His blue eyes were soft as he leaned down, stealing a soft kiss from your swollen lips.  “What’s your safeword, Baby?” He asked, his free hand wrapping around his swollen cock.

“Bracelet.”

“And if you can’t talk?” Natasha probed, still sliding her strap through your folds.

Your hand wrapped around Bucky’s wrist, squeezing twice.

“Good girl,” he said, kissing you once more.  His strong hands flipped you over easily, placing you on your hands and knees.

Almost immediately after, Natasha’s hand came down on your ass, causing you to jerk forward.  “You better suck Bucky’s cock, Baby,” she said as a smirk curled up the edges of her lips.  “If you want me to fuck you, you better put that pretty mouth to good use.”

“But—”

“Did she stutter, angel?” Bucky asked as he grabbed her chin, forcing you to look up at him.  “Tasha gave you an order.  Are you going to be a good girl and listen?”  His flesh thumb ran over your plump bottom lip.  “Don’t you wanna be a good girl for us?  Huh?”

Fuck.  Yeah, you did.  You always wanted to be a good girl for your two lovers.

Matching moans fell from Bucky and Natasha’s mouths as your tongue flicked out to slide up his length, circling around the head.  You always gave absolutely filthy head, your eyes watering as you choked around his length.

As you took him all the way, Natasha slid her strap into your wet heat, all the way to the hilt.  You let out a choked moan, your eyes wide as she started to thrust in and out of you.  Her fingers dug into your hips deliciously, the acrylics she kept at a relatively short length leaving little crescent moon indents.  You loved it.  The pain felt so fucking good.

“We should’ve made you wear your butt plug, Baby.”  Bucky’s jaw clenched as he reached to gather some of your slick on his finger, before circling it around your tight hole.  “Could’ve had you waiting for us to fuck you proper while I was on a mission all week…”

Natasha’s hips slammed against yours as she pressed her lips to Bucky’s.  “We don’t use the diamond one enough considering how much we paid for it.”

You pulled off of Bucky’s cock with a pop, glaring at the two of them.  “Is this the time to be talking about how often we use the butt plug?”

“Did I say you could stop sucking my cock?” Bucky growled as he grabbed your face and started throat-fucking you.  “It’s been too long since we put you in your place, angel.  You’re getting mouthy.”

“She’s always been mouthy.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks as Natasha and Bucky’s thrusts sent waves of pleasure through you.  The heat that had consumed your body was faded, and all you could think about was making your doms feel good.

All the background noise that had been in your mind over the past few weeks was gone, drowned out by the praises coming from your lovers.  All the self-doubt that coursed through your mind was gone when they loved you like this.

You choked around Bucky’s cock as you came suddenly, the release coming over you like a wave.

It only seemed to spur them on more as Natasha fucked you that much harder, Bucky’s fingers scratching soothingly against your scalp as he got closer and closer to the edge.  You could always tell when he was close by the way his thrusts got more and more sloppy.

Natasha’s hand reached down and around to rub your clit, the pretty opal dildo sliding in and out of you with ease.  She wished she had her phone if just so she could record the moans falling from you and Bucky’s mouths.

Hell, she’d make it her fucking ringtone.

It wasn’t long before Bucky came with a shout, spilling down your throat.

He groaned, his head falling back as he felt you licking him clean.  He let you finish before pulling out, getting on his knees and kissing you sweetly.

Your eyes were dazed, a little bit of cum you hadn’t swallowed dribbling out of your mouth.  You looked so damn pretty like that.  Dumb from pleasure.

“You gonna cum again for us, Baby?” He asked sweetly, holding your face in his hands.

A nod, your lips starting to move to form words but not quite getting there.  Adorable.

He watched it coming.  Watched as your breath hitched and your eyes rolled back in your head before you let out a cry.  You blacked out as your second orgasm ripped through you, violently like an earthquake.  A force of nature.

“Seriously?  In the lab?!” Tony demanded, glaring at them from the entrance.  “What the hell happened?!”

Bucky and Natasha were very blasé faire about their own nudity, but they didn’t like anyone else seeing you.  The redhead reached for the little test tube that she’d tossed to the side when she’d first gotten there as he covered you up with his leather jacket, cradling your exhausted body to his chest.  He pressed soft kisses to your forehead as he rocked you back and forth.

“I think it was whatever was in this,” Natasha said as she looked at it curiously, trying to make out what the writing on the label was.  “... Sexus… Pollinis?”

Tony grumbled as he walked over and grabbed the tube, looking it over.  “It’s literally Latin for sex pollen.  Which probably means exactly what we think.”

“Is that what the smell in the air was?” Bucky asked.

Natasha nodded.  “I think most of it spilled on her, which is why she was so affected but we weren’t.”

“Okay.  I’ll… clean all this stuff up,” Tony said.  “Get her out of here and in a bed.  Or a bath.”  He shook his head as he started to call for the robots that mopped the floor.  “Animals.”

You came to in your shared room, curled up between them in your giant tub.  “Wha’ happened?”

“Hey, baby girl,” Bucky cooed, his fingers massaging your sore shoulders.  “How do you feel?”

For some reason, you started crying.  It just came over you.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Natasha said, cupping your face and wiping your tears.  “Baby, what’s going on?  Huh?  Talk to us…”

“I-I’ve just been f-feeling so alone a-and this is the first time w-we’ve all been together in two m-months,” you whimpered in a shattered glass voice, barely able to string together a full sentence through your hiccups.  “A-And you’ve been gone s-so often that all I can think is m-maybe I’m j-just here because you’re both d-dominants and needed a s-s-submissive!”

Bucky and Natasha’s faces both fell and they squeezed you that much closer to them.

“Oh, Baby, no,” Natasha said.  Her heart hurt as she realized that that’s why you’ve been so off lately.  “We love you so much.  So, so much.”

“I think it’s time we stopped going on so many missions anyway, Baby,” Bucky added, his fingers tickling up and down your back.  “I’m tired of not being home with my girls.”

“Really?” You asked softly, looking at him like he’d just told you he’d give you the moon.

“Yeah,” Natasha said, bringing your hand to her lips.  She pressed a kiss to your left ring finger as her eyes met Bucky’s, a knowing look on his face.  Maybe soon there’d be a ring on that finger.  “Really, Baby.”

[a-libra-writes]

who do you think would prefer an s/o who’s charming, more of a people person, using their words to get what they want vs an s/o who’s more quiet, strategic, and plans and schemes to get what they want? is it a case of opposites attract, or would they want someone to compliment them? 👀

.......so i ended up having a lot of thoughts about this LOL 

okay so i think this depends on the s/o’s morals! like you can be scheming to help others instead of hurting them. so let’s go with that bc i dont wanna brainstorm a low ethics/morality s/o (this makes me think of 7KPP, a fantastic visual novel that’s the only decent Court Drama Simulator vn i’ve come across). Also there’s a loooot of characters so imma just list the ones I have Strong Thoughts on and sort them by region oh lord what have you done my dork is showing

Northbois

So while I feel like Robb and Ned would prefer a more outgoing and charming sort of person ... I really can’t help but ship them with someone whose more cunning and can actually play the game of thrones. Like lord someone help these Starks because their intrigue score is 0 and they need someone protecting them from Tywin, Roose and Walder LOL. I can really see both father and son thinking their s/o is this sweet thing and not having a clue of how much scheming they’re actually doing to protect Winterfell... Ned would probs catch on after a while but Robb would just be blinded by love and devotion haha. 

Sansa would probs want the first ideally, but as she gets older she’d greatly appreciate someone who has that sort of cunning and uses it for good purposes. Also she’d like a calm and steady personality to rely on.

Jory is a straight up honest guy to a fault, kinda like Ned, so he’d also prefer the first type of person and appreciate them more.

OKAY SO you’d think Roose would go for the second type but HEAR ME OUT. I think he’d go for both equally, or a mix of the two. Listen. I have a strong HC that he would be very attracted to someone who is his opposite in many ways - outgoing, charming, sweet and kind. If that person also happens to be cunning as hell and willing to manipulate anyone - even him - to protect what’s their’s, oof. He’s gone. I think he’d really get off on the idea of having an s/o who everyone is shocked he’s involved with bc “omg they’re sooo nice” and only he really knows their “other side”, so to speak. Realtalk I don’t think he’d go for someone just as morally awful as him bc he’d see them more as a threat than a potential partner.

Ramsay is a little shit that would also be attracted to the first kind of person but honestly needs the second type to keep his ass in line. That’s the sort of person who would figure him out and manipulate him accordingly so he isn’t skinning the goddamn neighbors. Also he wouldn’t give a damn about their morals so go off i guess just dont start any revolts in the north

VERY Northbois

Jon really doesn’t care for schemes, even if he acknowledges they’re useful, and he’d be attracted to someone who knows just what to say and is charismatic bc lord knows he’s struggled w that for a bit.  Benjen really loves outgoing, charming and talkative peeps esp when they wiggle their way out of stuff or convince the upper command of the Watch to consider a different plan. He’ll be soooo attracted to that. Edd is kinda meh on both I’d feel? Like he’d prefer a quieter person but not a scheming sort, that’s too troublesome to deal with. I think he could come around to the first one eventually.

Mance super respects the second type, he finds it very attractive actually, especially when they start manipulating him into something and he catches them. Tormund is a dork and prefers outgoing people, totally doesn’t notice when he’s being taken in lol. He rlly hates the second sort of person, sees them as snakes.

Southbois

Edmure would absolutely be drawn to a gregarious and outgoing person! And if they can talk their way into or out of things thank god bc fishboy has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I really don’t think it’d work out with a schemer person bc of that Tully honor, and unlike Ned or Robb, Edmure would start to catch on (I don’t buy into the show characterization of Edmure like frack that he’s not an idiot). Brynden has a lot of experience and has seen a lot of BS, so he’d understand the risks and sacrifices his s/o would be making when they’re playing the game, and he’d really wish they wouldn’t!! Like yeah it’s to protect their family and friends but he wishes they didn’t have to do that. He wants to protect them on his own.

Brienne REALLY prefers someone whose honest and can talk their way in and out of things!! Like the Starks she’s very honorable and has no patience for lies and manipulating even if it’s for something good. It’d take a lot for her to trust and be attracted to that kind of person, they’d have to like... be very honest with her about what their plans are and why they’re doing them. 

Kingslanding bois

oh lord Stannis okay so INITIALLY he’d be put off by both personalities for diff reasons - outgoing because socializing and diplomacy is something he just sucks at and the second one because holy hell he hates dishonesty and scheming. Now, he can admire a strategic and collected mind, but as soon as dishonorable plots roll in he starts side-eyeing. I think it would take some time for that latter personality to gain his trust, and if this is like... his wife we’re talking about, she’d probs have to scheme behind his back, even if it’s for his own sake. For an outgoing person, he could eventually befriend or fall for them once some common ground is found. He wouldn’t be able to admit how much he admires their people skills haha.

Davos understands that sometimes manipulating and scheming is needed and can be used for good, but personally he prefers a more diplomatic, out in the open approach. So the first type is def his kinda person. He could still befriend the second type as long as they’re not assholes, though.

Tywin would honestly work with both sides of the spectrum and in between, but ultimately, you’d have to understand who you’re dealing with. There’s no honor or high ground being involved with Tywin Lannister, and the s/o should expect to get dragged into his schemes, esp when he trusts them ... and that’s no easy feat. Ultimately it’s less of how you get what you want and more of ... what are you willing to do to get it. Pesky morals and all that.

Tyrion has had enough of his dad’s bullshit that he’d only be romantically involved with the first type, someone who uses sass and flattery like he does. He can still respect and befriend a more cunning person, though. Jaime also prefers the first type, he thinks it’s just because “oh I like outgoing and forward people” and not...”i’ve spent years dealing with lies and schemes from father and cersei”, yanno that old chestnut. Bronn definitely prefers gregarious and cheeky peeps, schemes go over his head and bore him.

Sandor dislikes both sorts of personalities for different reasons ... He’s offput by someone who would be very talkative and outgoing with him (like why are they talking to him wtf), and he also hates scheming and lying and all that, he’s seen too much of it. The first type has a better chance of befriending and getting close to him, the second not so much. 

Petyr very much respects and admires both but like ... you know he’d prefer someone that he thinks he can outwit and manipulate, so probably more of the first type of personality because they seem less cunning and more of “just” a people person. Given his obsessive/yandere tendencies he probably wouldn’t notice he was being taken in by someone friendly and kind. 

like okay weird thing to think about but just consider this... I really wonder what it’d be like if Robert had an s/o like the first one you mentioned. Not Cersei, certainly not his beloved Lyanna - a third party, a gracious and likeable queen that kinda makes up for his faults and she’s TRYING hard as hell. like idk if they’d ever fall in love but like idk i feel like his depression would be slightly lessened to have a partner that’s very beloved and tries to help him and put him in a good light in his subject’s minds. Am I making sense? She’s not perfect but she wants what’s best for the realm and if she’s gotta do it herself she will. IDK sorry this is a tangent, i think about major change AUs and their political consequences a lot

Heckin south n east bois

Margaery is a Big Gay and you can’t fight me on this, you will lose. She’s super attracted to the first kind of gal bc that’s def how she is herself! So she’d love to play those little word games with them. The second personality type she’d just write off as “eh quiet person” but once she got closer and began to realize their cunning and wittiness she’d def take an interest, esp if she found out about some good things they did. Then it’d be a classic “outgoing babe dating more reserved babe” and yall both would be VERY well-known in court. absolute power couple

Oberyn likes both equally! Especially if your motives are to help others and/or save your friends and family. He loves that kinda loyalty and he really admires someone who has a way with words and schemes in equal measure. Hell he does both himself. He might lean more toward an outgoing person just because that’s how he is too.

idk where to put Beric but he rlly likes the first kind of people!! He’d probs ask you to get supplies or money on the Brotherhood’s behalf, and he actually kinda likes it when he finds himself doing something you wanted cause you asked so nicely or talked him into it ..... Thoros calls him a simp and it’s true ok don’t bully he can’t help it

& lastly Essosssss

So, I think Daenerys would be a lot more drawn to the second kinda person. First of all: Very mysterious, ooh. Secondly, she’d appreciate a cool head that will tell her the truth and is willing to do more unsavory things bc they believe in her so much. Obvs she would need someone with unquestionable loyalty, and once she tests and is reassured of that loyalty, then she could start some kinda romance. She’s def attracted to someone who can get shit done that way.

Jorah is a big opposite in that he’s kinda had to do that unsavory stuff himself and is still ashamed by it, and generally doesn’t trust people like Littlefinger and Varys and Illyrio, etc so he’d prefer someone who is just genuine and talks their way out of things. Also yall know him he can’t resist once he starts liking someone like cmon

Grey Worm is absolutely in the first camp too but for diff reasons! Scheming and all that shit just makes him nervous and he distrusts it, even if it’s for Daenerys’ sake. He just wouldn’t associate with the person ... Someone more outgoing would definitely fluster him more but at least he could feel like he could trust them. Missandei can go either way - she knows the power in both diplomacy and manipulation, and would likely admire and be pulled to someone who uses both to help people. 

sorry i got so wordy and a bit repetitive lol both are like, my fav kinda character archtypes, esp for court settings.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hello yes, could you elaborate on the Comte wedding event pleease. Crying and fangirling and dying are all acceptable. I missed it and I adore your rambles about Comte? Thank you either way.

!!! I’d be delighted to!! And awww, I’m so glad :D I love to write about him in any capacity, it makes me so happy to know people enjoy it when I do! Tysm for the full license to cry/fangirl/die because lbr it ain’t a Comte event if all three of those things don’t happen .Please don’t worry, I don’t mind talking abt it anyway! 💕💕💕

Okay my fellow Comte stans, you know the drill! I’ll be placing the details of the Wedding Story Event (jpn version) below the cut! Please don’t read if you want to wait for the official translation, and I hope you enjoy if you do take a peak! c:

AIGHT Y’ALL in fair Verona where we lay our scene-- This event begins on a lovely summer day with Comte and MC at a boutique picking out a wedding dress for their upcoming ceremony. As usual, she provides a bit of background as to how we got here. Comte doesn’t have a proposal event (as far as I know) like the other suitors because he actually proposes marriage in his MS. I won’t go too far into details just in case, but they essentially swear their love to each other in a church at night--just the two of them. (I’m not 100% sure, but I think this event takes place on the anniversary of the vow that they shared, what Comte called becoming “a vampire’s bride.” Yes it’s as hot as it sounds AND I LOVED IT). Now, despite their private promise to each other, Comte does specify that he fully intends to have a public wedding whenever she feels comfortable doing that. As such, this event is picking up from there.

With all the nitty gritty settled, it’s time to get to the fun bits. So Comte is weaving in and out of the dresses, trying to find the perfect one for his beloved. MC is equal parts exasperated but amused, and she notes that it reminds her so much of when she first debuted in high society (reference to the beginning of Comte’s MS). Back then, when she agreed to debut, he told her that he would immediately send word to his tailor to make the necessary preparations. It’s a kind of nostalgic moment; she remembers how thorough and excited he was (”I’ll be sure to show off your every charm”), and he’s effusing that energy in the boutique too. Eventually he settles on two of them and requests that they both be prepared, and MC sputters. She’s like Comte???? W H Y we only need one dress???? And he insists that, since it’s a special occasion, there’s no harm in it is there? He also goes on to say that it is in line with her culture’s tradition of “dyeing the bride in the husband’s colors.” MC shoots back that the tradition doesn’t entail several wedding dresses for the bride, but he pays the correction no mind. Y’all. I loved this part because it just emphasizes how much of a LIL SHIT he can be. Like he’s 100% harmless but I was like BOI IF U DON’T--I WILL KISS UR CUTE FACE. YOU STOP THAT.

I find it interesting especially because it remains in line with a trend about Comte that is so arresting for me, something that I find so endearing about him. I’ll note other places in the event I find it, but in this moment he is revealing something critical: for all of his capacity to play with the language and expectations that other people have/use, he only ever uses it for good. Here he’s purely being playful (with a stark note of respect and awareness); he has no intention of overwhelming her or undermining her cultural expectations of what a wedding means. Especially because MC, even in her monologue, isn’t truly upset--she honestly seems to find it adorable and funny more than anything. It’s also clear that Comte is working within her comfort zones. While he would buy the entire damn boutique if she let him, he settles on two because he knows it would stress her out otherwise (MC tends to be p pragmatic, not really about extravagance she is a mood).

And so they make their selection and exit the boutique, and they’re walking arm in arm back to the carriage. Comte laments narrowing it down to only two, but he’s happy they found something nice. MC thanks him for bringing her along, but he says it’s only natural--he wanted to pick out the dress the world would see together, he would never be happy with it otherwise. MC melts (WHO WOULDN’T) and says she’s really looking forward to wearing them, and he’s shook AF. 

(OKAY BUT I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS. DOES HE UNDERSTAND HOW TOUCHED I AM. DOES HE KNOW. His route hammers home this idea that for Comte, being with someone absolutely means being on the same page. It means being there for each other yes--but it also means making sure the other person feels wanted and included. He could have so easily just picked his favorite and been like “yeah this is what we’re going with.” But not only does he not do that, he refuses the very idea of a ceremony without it. He wants this to mean something for both of them, and he’s more than willing to put in the time and effort to ascertain that. I’M FUCKING TENDER OKAY. HE CARES SO MUCH AND I SOB)

He asks her if there’s anything else that she really, really wants for their wedding, and she thinks it through. It’ll be a reasonably sized wedding, with the men of the mansion in attendance and most of their closer high society friends. They’ve picked out a dress, the venue is set, the people closest to her will be there...she really can’t think of anything else? So she asks him if he has anything he really wants to do for the wedding, and he replies in the negative too, saying that “My only ideal wedding can be one in which I can see you at your most happy." ARE YOU KIDDING ME--Before MC can recover from that, he goes on: "Even now, I'm enjoying the preparations, and I want to do whatever I can for you." MC feels like she can never win against his sweet affection, so she nearly kills him with her answering line: "It’s more than enough. More than anything, being able to swear our love together again--to renew our vow--is the best part of it all." Comte is visibly shocked and is quiet for moment (MAN DOWN!!!!!!!!! VAMPIRE DOWN GET THE DEFIBRILATORS!!!!! LEONARDO PUT THAT LIGHTNING ROD AWAY I SWEAR TO GOD--) before he just replies with a “Is that so :>>>” And translating this nearly killed me [At the sight of his gentle smile, I smile back.] IM GOING TO SCREAM THEY ARE JUST SO TENDER IM SOFTE????????????

As they’re walking, Comte asks MC to tell him about weddings in her time. What were they like? He wants a reference point. She goes on to describe how ceremonies really range from formal to more informal affairs, and gets to a little custom that’s apparently held in Japan. When a groom intends to marry a bride, he will go to the bride’s family to ask for their approval. Comte visibly seems concerned about it, and I’m pretty sure he feels bad denying her that experience; not only did he propose to her without knowing any of that, her family isn’t within range to be able to honor it properly now. Even so, he keeps listening and comments now and again with a great deal of interest, paying close attention. He asks, what happens if the groom is rejected by the family? MC goes on to say that it’s a kind of test of perseverance: the groom is expected to ask/prove himself until he gets an answer in the affirmative. Internally, she notes that such a thing rarely ever happens irl--it’s mostly dramatized in movies and TV shows. She used to dream of how thrilling it might be to have someone do that for her, but it was mostly just a silly little fancy, nothing she was obsessed over. Comte, being a literal fucking legend, senses this emotional shift in milliseconds, and starts musing about something. When she tries to ask what’s up, he’s like not to worry leave everything to me.

PLEASE CUE THE CIRCUS MUSIC. BECAUSE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO TURN INTO A CLOWN FEST.

So it cuts to them back home and Comte is asking Sebastian to give MC’s hand in marriage. Sebastian is utterly bEWILDERED and is like “I mean I understand I’m probably the closest relative she has right now but also WHAT!? YOU’RE MY BOSS/LORD I’M YOUR BUTLER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD”. Comte 100% is undaunted by this very normal reaction and insists that class/status has no place in matters like this, and Sebastian and MC are desperately trying to stop him from bowing his head/kneeling. MC notes she never expected him to take it to heart, tells him "Comte, you really don't have to go that far, it's a custom not a duty--" (IT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY????? YOU CAN FEEL THEIR MOUNTING CONCERN AND I CAN’T BELIEVE COMTE WAS STRAIGHT UP JUST “i am not above begging” AND THEY’RE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE YOU SHOULD BE ABOVE BEGGING)

The circus only escalates when Leo comes in LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF "damn...bahahahhahahaaaaa now THIS oughtta be good/interesting." MC (and I simultaneously) start yelling at him and he replies "What? Comte's already ready and willing, why stop him?" For whatever reason, this gives Comte an idea (NEVER A GOOD SIGN) and he’s like you know what? That’s actually perfect, get everybody in here I’m gonna ask them for permission too :D

Several things I want to say about this. 1. COMTE LITERALLY DOES NOT EVEN REACT TO LEO’S MOCKING HE JUST “omg ur face was useful for smth for once this gives me an idea” 2. META TIME. First and foremost, I seriously can’t deal. This man knows MC has nothing because of her traveling through time, no friends or family--he’s always so, so aware of what she’s sacrificing to be with him. It is never outside of his thinking. Not only does this decision solidify her presence as a member of their family (I’m just so UGLY SOBBING about the fact that he does not consider them all ANYTHING LESS--THEY ARE HIS CHIRREN AND HE LOVES THEM AND I’M SOFT) this is also such a brilliant, strategic move on his part. Not only is he doing this to fulfill her younger wishes of having someone be so confident in their love for her that they would insist on it in front of her family/loved ones--his doing this also solidifies her presence as his wife within the mansion from here on. There can be no mistake; this is an unquestionable statement as to how her identity has shifted in meaning, a powerful allusion to his possessive streak. (and WE LOVE THAT FOR US HELL YEAH) 

Furthermore, I continue to be fascinated by the way he keeps subverting traditional or expected forms of supplication. While many could see this as a yielding of his pride (and in some ways he undeniably is) this choice to acknowledge her culture’s customs yields much more valuable dividends for him. 1. MC--notorious for never betraying the things she wants, having trouble asking for anything--is have her dreams fulfilled even if they were just silly little fantasies from when she was young. He’s actively making her happy, and he gets to openly gush about how much he loves her (FOR HIM THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF A WIN-WIN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND--) 2. This is a way for him to make amends and do proper respect to the marriage customs of her place/time, and that’s infinitely important to him. He’s trying to set a precedent; that even if he ever does make a mistake or neglect something (even if accidental) he will do his utmost to make it right, pride and money be DAMNED. 

While it can be argued that he’s just being silly and over-the-top, when you look closely this is 100% a clever, very mindful approach to their future. While it may partially have been executed on an emotional/excited whim, he is also claiming MC as his own in the most clear and respectful way possible. And tbh that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen 

So, after Leo walks in on them everyone else starts filing in one at a time (OKAY YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME THAT THEY WEREN’T ALL HUDDLED UP TO THE DOOR SQUIRMING TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON AND AT SOME POINT LEO SAID “omfg i gotta see this dumbass bitch on his knees” AND BLEW THEIR COVER/MADE THEM EVEN MORE CURIOUS):

Jeanne: "It's so noisy in here." 

Mozart: "What's going on?"

Comte: "Ah, excellent timing. I want to get permission from everyone."

Vincent: "?????? Did you do something wrong Comte?? What could you possibly need forgiveness for?"

Isaac: "A mistake made/wrongdoing by Comte?...Why am I dreading what it could be..."

Dazai: “Ah yes, yes I see, you are asking for a young lady's hand in marriage” (IM WHEEZING BC EVERYONE ELSE IS SO LOST AND HE'S JUST 100% ON THE BALL KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON THE NARRATIVE DISSONANCE IM CRYING)

Theo: Young lady??? The hell are you going on about

So things are getting increasingly chaotic and MC is just [jfc this is getting out of hand, Comte they don’t even know what you’re asking them to do]. She tries to explain but falters, and Comte puts an arm around her--signals that he’ll give  them the context. So he tells them "You all know that our wedding day is approaching. As such, I'm asking you all for your approval in taking MC as my bride. No matter what happens, I promise to make her happy forever--for every moment, every second of our time together. Please, forgive my taking her" (WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEAD WAS IN MY HANDS IDK HOW MC DIDN’T DIE ON THE SPOT S I R. SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) MC: [...Comte...My heart melts at his confession, at his earnest plea. It feels like every single iota of our feelings are infused in every word he speaks, teeming with the love shared between us in overwhelming measure.]

For a little while silence falls until Napoleon speaks up, and honestly? It was so sweet ;-; I tear up every single time: “Forgiven. You know how much I dislike formalities anyway. And besides, who could say no to le Comte?” MC notes that everyone murmurs in agreement and a kind of warmth settles in the room. Arthur notes that MC will be a Comtesse very soon and MC just. I’m going to be a WHAT now (”C-c-comtesse??”). And it’s so FUCKING FUNNY YOU CAN FEEL THE RED EYE EDIT MEME ON COMTE WHEN HE GOES “Oh? Is there anything wrong with that? Everybody said yes, after all :>” MC internally accuses them of ganging up on her, but reveals that more than anything she’s a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the best way:

MC: [Overwhelmed with feeling; touched, a little shy, embarrassed, but also full of joy--my eyes burn at the edges with tears] “I'm glad everyone approves c:”

Comte: Agreed :> your country/homeland has a nice custom. A v important step to inviting my loved one into my life as my wife :>>>>

So it then cuts to them in Comte’s room after the circus and MC thanks him for the sweet confession in front of everyone, tells him how happy it made her. He insists that it was only natural he would, and that it isn’t even enough.

Comte: “I am the one...your life, your time as a human being; I'll be taking all of it from you.”

MC: [...Comte? He took my hand with a very serious expression]

Comte: "As I said before, I will make you a vampire someday."

MC: “Don't call it that--a price. I want to live with you too!”

MC notes that while she hasn’t made the leap yet, she knows she’ll be ready for it soon enough. 

Comte: “Thank you. But the last thing I want is to take things from you, I want to do everything I can to make you happy, to make you smile. Whether that means weddings, requests--anything in my power.”

COMTE REALLY SAID "she is entrusting me with her future and that means I have the responsibility of not only ascertaining her happiness, but proving my unwavering devotion to it" AND IM HOLLERING????? LADIES GET YOU A FUCKING MANS. MC finally begins to understand this, and she’s like OMFG is that why you went off so hard this afternoon???? And Comte’s like :>>>> guilty as charged, though I think I'm also just still excited about the wedding too, haha! They hug it out (YESSSSSSS LET ME H O L D) and MC asks him again if there’s anything he wants for the wedding too. Aight y’all I would be irresponsible if I didn’t warn you beforehand, get fucking tissues. I’m still upset abt his answer and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. He thinks about it for a bit, before kissing her forehead and saying “I suppose, can you pray for my happiness too? That's enough."

AIGHT IMMA GO BACK TO THE EVENT IN A SECOND BUT I GOTTA SAY. BITCH. BITCH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? COMTE THAT ISN’T OPTIONAL THAT’S A GOD DAMN PREREQUISITE?????????????????? OFC WE WISH FOR YOUR HAPPINESS WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? THE A U D A C I T Y. I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN ALL MY LIFE. OKAY RANT OVER.

MC is surprised but naturally agrees to it, having wanted that for him even without prompting. She continues to think on it, insisting that she wants to do something for him too. An idea sparks but it only says that she made preparations without telling him anything for now, preparing a tangible sign of her love for the wedding.

The premium end begin here. She’s getting dressed for the wedding, and she’s--as usual--in awe of his perfect selection of accessories/jewelry to go with the gown. She’s about to put on her shoes when she notices something odd, and there’s a knock at the door. Comte enters to ask if she’s ready, and they both freeze and stare at each other. They both sheepishly admit to being completely taken with the sight of the other, and they laugh about it together. Comte tries to ask if she’s ready again, and she assures him that she is--just that she found something unexpected in her shoes.

He explains that the coin is an English six pence. Sebastian told him that they are no longer made in her time, and Comte explains he acquired it about three hundred years ago in England when he was living there (he says that he kept it back then because he liked the design on it). He explains that there is a tradition, that the English would put a six pence in a bride’s left shoe in the hopes of wishing her good fortune and prosperity in her oncoming union. MC has her understandable and customary (JESUS I FORGET HOW OLD THIS MAN IS SOMETIMES) and he places a hand over hers that’s holding the coin when she starts staring at it. 

Comte: "Hey, MC....Time goes by, and various things will continue to change. Among them, it is only vampires who survive without dying or changing."

MC: "Comte..."

Comte: "I used to think that made it--made us--empty. But...I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm proud of being able to keep this undying, unchanging love for you."

[He put the coin back in my left shoe, and offered them to me--gentle as though they were made of glass(Cinderella's)]

MC spends this exchange on the verge of tears, but keeps it together for the wedding. It depicts their loved ones all around them as they walk down the aisle, and skips to the end of the ceremony. The priest tells Comte he may now kiss the bride (WHEN I WAS TRANSLATING IT SAID “KISS YOUR BUSINESS” AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WHEEZED), but just as he’s about to lift her veil--she stops him in his tracks. He’s confused, and says her name, but she reassures him that she just wants to offer him a wedding gift before he lifts it. Hidden in her bouquet are two pins that she had made, and she pins them to his jacket. They were made from preserved flowers, encased in metal to render them undying/everlasting. 

MC: [Me too...I want to wish for your happiness...]

MC: “For you, things might feel fleeting--like they just pass you by, are lost before you can grasp them. But even so, my feelings won't change; just like this preserved/undying flower and the life of a vampire--dedicated to [Comte's real name] in everlasting love."

COMTE.EXE HAS CURRENTLY SHUTDOWN. REBOOTING.

MC notes that his eyes get misty and he leans his forehead against hers.

MC: [Comte's real name]? 

Comte: .................I want to hug you as tight as I possibly can, but I'd hate to ruin the flowers/your gift to me

BITCH WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. WHEN I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1. I CANT GET OVER THE FACT THAT HER GIFT IS NOT ONLY CANON BUT ITS LITERALLY ON HIS WEDDING SPRITE, HER LOVE IS A VISIBLE MANIFESTATION ON HIS PERSON ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. THE FACT THAT SHE ONLY ADMITS TO BEING THE HAPPIEST SHE CAN BE WHEN SHE SEES HIM SO HAPPY TOO. THIS IS SO MUCH. SO M U C H

And so Comte lifts her veil and kisses her gently uwu cover ur eyes chirren, the hall erupts in raucous applause and the crowd starts congratulating them!! Comte then encourages everyone to have fun, and the reception takes on the vibe of a kind of social gathering. MC notes that he seems to prefer this level of interaction, just relaxed and everyone chill, and she turns to tell him that it seems like it’ll be fun! Before she can finish her sentence, he kisses her fiercely before leaning back with a sigh, "It's still not enough, but I'll save the rest for later tonight." BITCH!!?!?!??!??!? HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE FOCUS ON A STUPID PARTY WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HELLO???????MC notes: [Everyone from the mansion that saw the kiss made fun of me endlessly, and I hid my face in my bouquet] SAVE HER. Once again, it skips to the end of the reception and they’re now in Comte’s room. (I will blink twice if I think you need tissues BLINKS TWICE) 

Comte: "Yup, perfect." [He places the flower pins I gave him next to THE hourglass in the room, looking pleased HNGNNGNGNNGGNGN MY EYE HOLES ARE SUFFERING

MC: "I'm glad you liked the gift c:" 

Comte: "It is proof of your unchanging love, of course I cherish it :>"

She’s just so happy to see him so delighted with it. He asks how she liked the ceremony, and she gushes about how much she loved it. He hugs her (AWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he notes that while it was fun to celebrate, all he wants now is time with his wife (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). He starts kissing her like the world is ending, and she says she needs to get changed--but he doesn’t care, says she’s fine as she is and that he wants her right now.

Aight usually I don’t get into epilogue territory, but honestly, this shit was JUST too good. Now this man made of magic asks MC if she’s wearing her bridal garter (you know, the one that usually comes with the whole bride ensemble in Western tradition). And she’s like ???? Uh, yeah, of course? Why... He says that he saw something interesting at a friend’s wedding reception once upon a time, and explains that the garter is usually removed and thrown to the bachelors (analogous to the bride’s throwing her bouquet, and whoever catches it will be the next to get married). PLEASE NOTE HE IS KISSING HER FOR LIKE 90% OF THIS IT’S AMAZING

MC: "So it's like the bouquet toss?" 

Comte: "Yes. Now then, how did he remove the garter...?”

HE DUCKS DOWN AND SHE’S LIKE COMTE!?!?

Comte: “...Ah yes, the groom removes it with his teeth >:D”

And so this man HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE tugging it down slowly under her dress, caressing her legs and loving every part of her. MC’s face is on fire, and she’s torn between being turned on and embarrassed. Eventually he reappears after teasing her MERCILESSLY and admits that he didn’t do it at the reception because he didn’t want anyone else to see her reaction. Blushing, shy, desirous--all of these feelings are his to keep and enjoy. (I!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!! HOW SUBTLY POSSESSIVE HE IS AAAAAAAAAA) MC notes internally that she feels the same way about him, how he only shows this intensely passionate side to her. Comte is uncharacteristically impatient and frenzied that night, and they both go at it.

It skips to midnight where the two are cuddling in the aftermath, just being cute and happy. Comte, the absolute MADLAD is already thinking about how to celebrate next year--and she just giggles at him (he’s a wackadoo but he’s her wackadoo LMFAO MOOD) and he laughs with her. They essentially swear to promise their love over and over in the future, and it just ends on that wholesome note :>>>

Also can I just. The fact that he lived for so long alone, but was always, always paying attention to all of these little things that are done with a person’s loved one ;-; that he would remember his friend doing that at his wedding and be like BROOOOO I WANNA DO THAT IF I EVER GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! I just. It’s so heartbreaking and touching at the same time, I just want to hold him forever ;-; the fact that he doesn’t seem to worry as much about his own happiness, seems absolutely floored that MC would do anything in return. I JUST LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME 

THIS IS WHAT PEAK PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE

[tokusashi]

Ship or not to ship!

! WARNING !

THIS POST WILL BE MOSTLY A “MESSY” AND “CHAOTIC” RANTING, BECAUSE I’M A DODO FROM “ICE AGE (2002)”. SORRY BUT NO SORRY, YOU’RE ALL WARNED

ALSO, MY ENGLISH IS REALLY SHTTY.

____

So, here’s the thing!

I am an old shipper, I’ve started as a kid with drarry and luneville, since “Harry Potter” fandom (years ago, when I didn’t even knew such a word as “fandom”) was the first one for me. And I was always open to almost every type of ship. Heterosexual, homosexual, both are great, and I never once said that “hetero” is boring or “homo” is better, because it was always about the characters who were shipped with each other. They made hetero or homo ship great, not the fact that they were hetero or homo.

But I also have to say, when I was younger (like in 13-17y old) I shipped characters like a crazy, and much more than I do now.

Why I’m ranting about this? Well, some of you may know this, buuuut I’m kinda in love in “Boku no hero academia”.

And I have to say that I’ve noticed that my kind of shipping have... Evolved. Or at least, changed.

I mean, even from 2007 till now, my biggiest ship overall is MasaGuren (Masahiro and Guren from “Shounen Onmyouji”) but it always was about how they cherish each other more like how they would fck each other, because... hell, I don’t believe that Guren would be able to hurt Masahiro even a lilttle, and also I believe that he would bluescreened if Masahiro would kiss him. So it was always for me about how close and loyal they were to each other than sexual thing.

I won’t say that sex is bad, because it’s not! I’m just saying that sometimes there’s NO NEED for that. Because if there are two interesting characters who have huge chemistry with each other, and are great while bantering or doing missions or just chilling around, it’s actually enough for me.

And this is the moment when I have said to myself: Hey, shipping friendship is the best. Because, for me, to write a complex friendship is harder to do than romance. And interesting and good romance is also not something that’s easy to write.

Why I’m speaking about this?

Well, I have to say, while I LOVE bnha, I’m not a huge fan of the ships. Why? Because it’s MOSTLY oversexual (like, “dekubowl”, and GOD, I have nighmares after bnha’s omegaverse fics), and while I understand the fics when the kids are older than they are now, I also have problem imagining them obsessed with sex all the time, and like, most of the fics and drawings are overloaded with it.

Now to calm down people: I’m not saying “stop”, because:

a) it won’t work anyway

b) there are a lot of fans of those and who I am to judge or to speak to someone what he should like or not

c) I think my fanfictions when I was a kid were worse.

d) when I don’t like something, I can block the tag (but it’s sad sometimes, because I actually do LOVE bakudeku tag because of the meta’s and the points that people have about their developing friendship)

and last one, e) this is tumblr, things always will be a lil sick here and a lil crazy. Because if someone want’s to ship Izuku, who’s faun fairy with glitter eyes and rainbow that is everywhere where he is, who’s in love with half dolphin-half dragon Todoroki who’s in the same moment masterlord of destruction, well, you can ship it, right?

What I’m doing here is not about “don’t do <that>, do <that>”, I’m just... writing what I’m thinking about all of that, because you know. I can.

I can say that I don’t understand the drawings where Kirishima is a loli, because he’s manly young man for me (but I get that this can be a joke). I don’t understand and I don’t like how in almost every “Deku” ship, Izuku is a weak lady in a shape of a unmanly man, when in canon he’s a strong, manly boy, who’s far from being a typical uke from 80s and 90s (still I agree that he’s cute. Feral destruction in a shape of a boy, but cute). I can say that I don’t like when Dadzawa is shipped with kids from his class (because it’s w r o n g, for me) or just... with kids.

BUT STILL I don’t hate the ships. I may not like some of them, but it’s actually not hate (I mean I have a disgust for sexual ship adult x child, but that’s something else, really, let me speak about same-age pairings), and I have ZERO problems with people who have their ships, that may be not the ones I like, because really, as long as someone is not hurting anyone, I have no problem. And seriously, the fact that someone’s in love with kiribaku doesn’t hurts me.

Maybe let me just explain why I don’t like “tododeku” and “kiribaku” ships, ‘kay?

Well, first of all, there’s a huge thing that connects them. Both are “bro-ships” that went in fandom too far. I mean, it’s not surprising that when there are two friends, fujoshi have something like enlightenment in their life. Huge “hallelujah” in their heads etc. but I have to say, when I see that character “A” needs an equal friend by his side, and character “B” is exactly this character, and they help each other to be the better person and have a good, healthy, rival-like relationship, I... don’t really imagine them together in bed doing thigs out from kamasutra. It’s about what I’ve said earlier. Writing a friendship is a lot harder than romance. Because, you know, everything can be a romance in a snap. Will it be good? Well, that’s debatable, but it’ll be a romance. When I’m thinking about Kirishima and Bakugou, I think about what they both NEED, and what Katsuki needs is someone that’s not afraid of him, looks at him like a normal person, and can say to his face that he messed up, or can laugh at him for his stupid hair. Kirishima’s a strong, loyal friend, and I love how he express his loyalty not only to Bakugou, but also to Midoriya and other of his friends. I never for once thought, that his relationship with anyone may be or is sexual, because noone from those characters is even focused on romantic-relationship-theme. We had this topic with Ochaco, but THERE’S ALSO a point I want to pick up. Ochaco decided, that she want’s to be a great hero and wants to focus on her career, so she thinks mostly about how to be a better hero, not about how to bang Izuku in the classroom. And the same is for almost every other characer. The only ones who actually may dream about getting laid equally as much as to become a top hero, are actually Kaminari and Mineta. I also don’t like the fact that in fandom Kirishima’s lately like a “fckboy”, like really, I don’t undertand why.

When it comes to “tododeku”, There’s the thing. Todoroki is a dog. AND BEFORE SOMEONE KILLS ME, IT’S NOT AN INSULT, I want to dare ya’ll:

Tell me which creature in the world is more loyal than a dog. I DARE YOU.

Because how Kirishima’s mainly manly (*drops microphone*), Todoroki is mainly loyal, and it shows. He’s always on Izuku’s (and his other friends) side, always follow his plans, always ready to help and to listen, even if he’s mostly blunt about all the things. And still I don’t think that how to get laid is what he’s thinking. I mean, he have a lot to do already. He wants to be number one hero, he wants to forgive his father, he wants to be a hero he always wanted to be, he wants to be stronger etc. and simply don’t have time for focusing as much about “how to do everything from kamasutra in one night”.

Well, I never said that having a relationship (not only romantic one, but all of them) is impossible when you’re focused on something else, it’s just... We never saw those characters focused AT ALL about their romance (I mean, Deku have a heart attack each time a girl is too close to him, and Todoroki may or may not have given Camie his tel-number when she asked for it), not to mention, about sex. And yet there we have, oversexual pairings like damn.

And I have to say, while I’m enjoying to check “bakudeku” tag or even “tododeku”, I have fear for anything Kirishima included, because fandom is with him so... saucy, that I’m like, well, “mmm whatcha saaaay”.

... And while I don’t really get the oversexual shipping, I have to say, I LOVE bro-shipping, that is FRIENDSHIP FEST, and kiribaku, tododeku, bakudeku, kiridenki are great. I love how those are developing and how good those characters are for each other.

Well, many of you may think: AND, FOR WHAT IS THIS POST?!

Well... for nothing? I mean, it’s mostly for me, because I wanted to say what I was thinking about all of this.

I am NOT a fan of shipping wars, I also don’t think that my opinion is the opinion of the world.

If your opinion is the same or different and you want to have a cultural conversation, here I am! Because really, If there’s something I didn’t mentioned or something like that, and you think I should, we can speak about this!

If you’re still here, thank you for reading my chaotic thoughts. Please, have a nice day!

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title : Making sense

Author : @alyssaleandra (komakaikoma on twitter)

For : @fhantomhives

Rating/Warnings : G, mentions of Hinata’s surgical scars

Prompt : for the fic - first date; for the fanart - soft forehead touch

Author/Artist’s note : I hope the recipient enjoys!! I tried to make something very gentle and heartwarming! There is an image embedded within the story.

-

Things are hard when the former Class 77-B ship off to real life Jabberwock Island. Unlike its virtual counterpart, it’s been abandoned for who knows how long, and it shows. There’s insect infestations to counteract, living quarters to rebuild, water sources to purify… Hinata never imagined he’d see his friends farming, but here they are with Imposter (who everyone still affectionately refers to as Togami because it’s familiar) assigning tilling duties for the week. They can’t rely on Naegi and the others on mainland to supply too much, lest they out their location to those who’d prefer to see the Remnants of Despair at the bottom of the ocean.

Hinata knows that the others are looking to him for some measure of guidance, even if no one’s said anything outright. He’s Kamukura Izuru, after all. The Ultimate of Ultimates. The one who babysat everyone’s pods until each was safely out of cryosleep and in recovery plans that mainly he (and later Tsumiki) was responsible for formulating. But if he’s being honest with himself, he’s had his fair share of being an Ultimate, and he’s happy to take the supporting role to more charismatic figures like Sonia and Togami. The irony of longing for a normal life is not lost on him, but he thinks undergoing a major brain surgery, surviving a killing game, and getting spit out into a completely changed real world is enough excitement for a lifetime. He’s earned a bit of normalcy.

…So of course he’d find himself fawning over Komaeda Nagito, of all people, once things have settled down around Jabberwock. Hinata’s bewildered by it when he realizes what’s happened; it’s like an errant seed found root in his heart while he was distracted with fixing cottage roofs, then budded while he was modifying meal plans, and then the second he had a chance to breathe and check in on himself, full blown feelings had blossomed right under his nose.

It’s hard, and a little frustrating, that it had to be Komaeda, because nothing’s ever been easy with Komaeda. Hinata had nursed something of a crush on the boy when they’d “met” in the virtual world and he thought that Komaeda was just a kindhearted oddball with a pretty face. That whole thing got dashed to pieces during their time in the program once he realized there was at least a few dozen more layers to Komaeda he had yet to scratch the surface of, let alone come close to ever comprehending. It was unthinkable, for a time, that he’d ever be able to feel anything other than confusion with a tinge of what he can only describe as unease towards Komaeda. Now, though, with everyone recovering and filling in the cracks left by their past lives, he feels a bit like he first did on that digital shoreline in the beginning.

Except, no, it’s more profound this time because he feels like really understanding Komaeda is something that’s within arm’s reach for him, rather than an amorphous, far-off concept.

He can’t pretend to fully follow all of the hope-obsessed boy’s fervid ramblings about life and fate, but… nowadays, it’s almost endearing. It’s just routine enough that it’s become comforting. Like Komaeda’s some piece of music that was too dense and intimidating for Hinata to really appreciate the first time he heard it, but now he’s developed the taste for it.

It helps that Komaeda’s achingly pretty, and Hinata’s always been slightly weak for the quirky pretty ones. Even during their conflicts in the program, Hinata had to reel himself out of those serene gray eyes sometimes—really yank himself out of a few unwanted idle daydreams about the Ultimate Luck who caused everyone so much grief, and yet—and yet—Hinata never could shake the desperate desire to figure him out. He’d always thought if he could solve the inscrutable puzzle that was Komaeda, just maybe they could be on equal footing again someday.

And so, it’s somewhat frustrating that it had to be Komaeda because Hinata knows by now how complicated Komaeda likes to make things for himself (and everyone around him), but it also makes perfect sense that the living science experiment known as Hinata Hajime would set his sights on the shining beacon of maladaptive coping mechanisms known as Komaeda Nagito. Since when has Hinata ever taken the path of least resistance for anything?

They aimlessly spend time together just like they did back in the program before things really went south. They do chores together, tag-team scavenging together, and spend cool off periods walking down the beach together. Komaeda still tends to fret over doing anything where his misfortune flares could pose a threat to Hinata, but they’ve managed to go unscathed thus far.

They’re sitting hip-to-hip on the sand and watching the sunset after a particularly lengthy conversation about their childhoods, when it occurs to Hinata that this is basically a date. He feels his heart kickstart at the notion and a heat creep across his face, and he’s suddenly scared to move or even so much as glance at the boy next to him, lest Komaeda be made aware of Hinata’s sudden onslaught of self-consciousness. He’s kept completely quiet about his festering feelings for Komaeda and never once dared to imply that anything between them means any more or less than what he has with everyone else on the island. He’s shy, sure, but he also just isn’t certain of Komaeda can handle that kind of information. He can practically see the spiral that would unfurl if Komaeda were to confront the reality of knowing that someone cared for him.

“Oh, sorry, did I say too much? Ahaha… I never know when to stop talking…”

Hinata’s ears tune in to the sad note in Komaeda’s voice, and he realizes he’s been spacing out. “No, no! I just got lost in thought, sorry about that.” His throat feels tight, and there’s a dozen things he wants to say but doesn’t know how to. “Um… Komaeda?”

“Yes?” Komaeda tilts his head, attentive.

“I was wondering if… well, if you wanted to—to come over to my cottage tonight?” It’s funny, really, the way everyday words rattle up his ribs and get stuck on his tongue like they’re something profound or difficult, given everything else he’s been through by comparison. It’s funny and embarrassing and so normal that it would make Hinata laugh if he weren’t preoccupied with not humiliating himself in front of Komaeda right now. “Just to… I dunno, hang out. Maybe we could… watch one of the movies that Asahina-san sent over for us.”

Komaeda’s eyes widen just a little as he processes this invitation before relaxing back to their usual calm state. “Hinata-kun, aren’t we hanging out already? Or am I mistaken?”

“W-well, yeah! But this is…” Hinata’s voice drops to a fragile murmur, “…different.”

“Different? Hmm… I see.” Hinata isn’t sure what it is that Komaeda sees, and that makes him nervous. The slightly taller boy stands up and dusts sand off his bottom. “I’d be happy to accompany you.”

And he smiles, framed by oncoming nighttime and high tide, and Hinata’s heart stutters. Okay, cool, he accepted it without being weird. Even if I didn’t really explicitly call it a date or anything. God, my collar feels tight right now. He tugs at the offending collar and tries for a casual smile. “Cool. Cool.”

They follow the road back to the inland.

Silence transpires, and in the bit of quiet, Hinata takes note of Komaeda’s hands swinging gently at his sides. Hinata’s never thought about the idea of holding them before, at least not in public, but once it crosses his mind, he can’t stop thinking about it. How would Komaeda react if he just… went for it? Would he be startled? Angry? Beyond that, how would it feel? Would it be clammy? Soft? Would it feel good? …Well, the hand closest to him is the metal one, so that’s irrelevant.

A past Hinata might have been content to let the idea remain as just an idea, but the Hinata now knows that if he wants something, he should probably chase after it without sweating the details so much. He reaches out and takes the mechanical left hand into his right. It takes Komaeda a moment to notice, due to a lack of nerve endings.

“Oh…” he says faintly, too caught off guard for much else.

“Sh-should I not…?”

They’ve both stopped walking so that Komaeda can stare down at their point of contact. He’s yet to put on any kind of discernible emotion about it. “No, it’s okay. It’s—nice. But it’s scary, too.”

“Scary??” Hinata’s grip loosens, prepared to drop the other boy’s hand and forget he ever tried.

“Because it’s so nice.” Slowly, carefully, internal mechanisms work together to tighten Komaeda’s hold on Hinata so that the connection isn’t lost. “It’s… hard to not wonder when my luck might strike again. And I know you have luck now, too, somewhere inside of you… But…” He shakes his head and dismisses the thought. “Never mind. Let’s get going.”

Hinata wants to protest and prod Komaeda into finishing what he was saying, but the gentle pull of Komaeda’s hand takes his attention by the reins. He hasn’t rejected Hinata, and he isn’t running away. That small realization fills Hinata with relief that he didn’t know he was hoping for. His step feels lighter as he catches up to his friend’s side.

-

Hinata sets up a tape on an old CRT that Souda put together, sits on the floor with Komaeda, and immediately finds himself regretting suggesting a movie. It’s impossible to focus with so many things weighing on his mind and the subject of his inner turmoil right next to him.

As if sensing Hinata’s thoughts, Komaeda leans against him, so warm and tangible on his shoulder. It seems he’s equally unengaged with the movie before them. “Hey, Hinata-kun. Would you mind telling me that you hate me?”

“…Huh?” The odd request catches Hinata off guard. “Why on earth would I ever say that??”

“It’d be the greatest comfort to me right now. The bad luck of being hated by you… maybe it’d make everything even. Maybe I could enjoy being at your side like this a little longer without fearing what might come next. But I’m too much of a coward to actually try to make you hate me anymore.” He outstretches his right hand, flexing and relaxing the muscles. Even as he talks of being hated, he nuzzles closer into Hinata’s shoulder, as if afraid Hinata really will say he hates him. “I used to try so hard to invite disaster in my life when things were going too well. It scared me so much to enjoy the quiet moments. It scares me even now, to be close to you and have your friendship. I always tell myself that I need to stop being selfish and push you away for your own good, but… then I see you every morning, still alive, still smiling, and my greedy heart can’t help but want to bask in you.”

He shifts and makes direct eye contact with Hinata. As frank as he can be at times, Komaeda always tends to direct his gaze elsewhere during conversations. His hand, or his feet, or just somewhere in the far distance. It always makes him feel unreachable. But this time, his stare is open and earnest. “After everything that happened, I wonder what my standing with luck even is anymore. I died in the program… but then I was alive. But then I had the apocalypse and my own horrible actions to clean up after.” He reflexively rubs where metal and flesh meet on his left arm. “So in the end, was that all good luck or…”

And Komaeda cuts himself off, like he’ll never find an answer unless he just takes action already, and he leans into Hinata and brushes trembling lips against a dumbstruck mouth. His eyes are rife with a dozen conflicting emotions, as Komaeda often is, but this time it feels as though one wrong move will make him burst and everything will come spilling out unfiltered. His eyes widen in something akin to surprise, as if he wasn’t in control of his own actions. Before Komaeda has the chance to overthink things or run away, Hinata catches him by a jacket lapel and pulls him close. He uses his other hand to wrap gently around the back of Komaeda’s head, reveling in soft white curls, and pulls their foreheads together.

“Do you feel them? The scars, I mean.” Hinata pulls his short bangs aside. “Sometimes I forget they’re there. But they remind me of everything we all went through… that we’ve seen hell and death and everything in between, and we’re still here. In the grand scheme of things,” he gestures between them, “this isn’t going to be what ends the world. …At least, that’s what I think.”

Komaeda’s quiet, for a bit. He inhales like he forgot to breathe. Then he breaks, and laughs, and laughs. His eyes water from the force of it. “Aha-hahaha! Hahaha! Ha…” He holds Hinata for support, and Hinata holds him back. Once the fit has passed, he sniffs and straightens up, face still slightly quirked with hysteria. “Perhaps—perhaps you’re right. Maybe it’s arrogant to think luck cares that much about what makes me happy. Maybe it never cared. I’ve been wondering about that lately. It’s a scary thought.”

On the surface, it’s a pessimistic notion, but for Komaeda to yield to the idea that, to some extent, things just happen and that he should do something that makes him happy without psyching himself out of it for once, is the kind of paradigm shift Hinata expects only a virtual death and rebirth could have brought about. “Luck never cared about what any of us wanted. Not just me. And maybe it’s giving luck too much credit to say that it’s what brought me to you.” Then Komaeda does something unexpected—tilting his chin upwards at a pretty angle and kissing the raised skin of Hinata’s forehead scars. “But whatever did, I’m glad for it. I’m… unspeakably glad that you’re still here after everything, Hinata-kun.”

It’s always a toss-up with Komaeda on whether or not his penchant for saying really vulnerable things will embarrass him. This ends up being one of the times where it does, and he flushes a bright red and looks away, direct eye contact finally too much for him. He’s nearly confessed to Hinata once before, but that was ages ago in the program, under far different circumstances. Perhaps this is the first time Komaeda’s ever been really honest about how much Hinata means to him. No wrapping it up in vague non sequiturs about talent and hope. Just, “I’m glad you’re here.”

It’s more powerful than a typical confession in some regards.

“Me too. I’m glad you’re here, too.” Hinata feels his face burning as well, but he tries to will himself to remain cool. “…This feels pretty dumb to say now, but I was trying to ask you on a date earlier. So, uh, this is a date. …If you want it to be. I feel like, after… y’know, everything, we need things like this. Normal things.”

Komaeda smiles genuinely, and fondness bears down on Hinata full-force at the sight. “I figured that was what you were trying to get at. It’s really funny, Hinata-kun, when I look at you and think about how your sheer will power broke us out of the killing game and probably saved us all, and yet you can’t even ask someone out without being absurdly awkward about it. I think it’s something I like about you.”

Hinata burns more furiously but can’t find the words to retort, instead opting to fold his arms and stare at the ceiling. “W-well… yeah. Those are two totally different things!! Maybe if lives were on the line, I could find it in me to ask you out a little more tactfully…”

“Hmm, I see, so saving lives is easier than trying to date me, huh? I suppose that’s fair…”

“Hey, you…” Hinata snags Komaeda’s jacket lapels again and pulls him close. The banter ceases, and the two enjoy a normal date, like they deserve.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #224

“i don’t miss you, i miss the misery.”

What’s a hobby you would like to try out? Digital art. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? A mutual effort to kiss. Like, you both purse your lips. What time is too early for you? 5:00 A.M. is generally when if I wake up, I'll go back to bed. Have you ever won a raffle? If so, what’ve you won? Yes, actually. I very faintly remember winning something up in New York at a bowling alley as a family when I was little. Idr what we won. What’s the most useless thing you have vast knowledge on? Probably Silent Hill lol, if we're talking about truly useless. Video game lore and such knowledge isn't exactly truly useful. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? No. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? Uhhh probably some kind of beetle. How about the biggest spider? A bird-eating tarantula when I was at the reptile convention with Sara. When’s the last time you played Pac-Man? WOW, it's been years. I've only ever played it on my childhood GameBoy. What is your favorite winter Olympic sport? I guess ice skating is pretty, but I don't care about sports. You Internet dies; what do you do for the next little while? Ummm this is when I feel like a caveman lmao. Probably... play Nintendogs on my DS. I hate hate hate how reliant I am on technology. What was the last test you completely failed? Recently on my first math test of this year. I bombed it, but at least I wasn't alone I guess. Oh look, it’s snowing outside! Do you get excited? Hell yes. Is your room covered in posters, or pretty bare? My walls are coooooverrrrrred. What sport do you completely fail at? I went to a volleyball summer camp thing in school years upon years ago and that shit HURT. I don't think I stayed the whole duration of it. Do you ever question life and existence? Not really anymore. Why does it really even matter why we're here, just make the most of it. Admit it, we all love brand named clothes. What’s your favorite? I genuinely don't care about brand names. Would you ever risk having a house party when you’re parents are gone? Hell no. What are you plans for the future? Achieve a stable career, learn to drive and have my own car, buy my own home, move in with the person I love, have lots of pets, and most importantly just be happy and content. Is your cell phone on vibrate? It pretty much always is. Is your dishwasher full? We don't have a dishwasher; we have to wash by hand. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I don't know many of their songs, but they're fine, from what I've heard. Have you ever played tennis? No, I don't have that coordination. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? I think so. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Who is the last baby you held? Colleen's son forever ago because she needed me to. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? Wow no. Do you have any scars from an animal? Possibly, idk. I have a lot of small scars. How have you been sleeping? Awful. I've pretty damn consistently been having screaming fits (I mean, actually shrieking) at night where I attack my bed from nightmares. I actually recently hurt my hand from it. I want to go to the doctor about it, it's really worrying me. Are you adopted? No. Do you like scrapbooking? I'm not really a crafts person, no. Do you collect anything valuable? No. How many house phones do you have? Zero. We only use cellphones. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't believe so, thankfully. What was the last thing you killed? I at least tried crushing a flea. Mom used some kind of spray on the dogs outside, but it resulted in them just hopping off them inside too, apparently. Whose number did you last get? I have no idea. Have you ever thought about stepping in front of a car? I mean, I've had like those passive thoughts; you know, like when you're up somewhere high and your brain tells you to jump. But never seriously. Have you ever lied down in the middle of the street? Don't give me The Notebook flashbacks pls sobs. Anyway, ha ha, yes, only because my sister wanted a picture of us huddled together when Misty was here? Everyone loves that picture though so thanks for taking it Jason, lol. Do you listen to explicit music? Some songs, sure. Have you ever used someone for money? I could never live with myself doing that. Do you own colored eyeliner? No, just black. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Some time last year when we got two sick rats in a row. Have you ever tried peanut butter and bananas together? Yeah, pb&banana sandwiches are pretty good. Do you have any mental disorders? *opens notes* Chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, severe generalized anxiety, bipolarity II, AvPD, PTSD, and OCD W O W ! ! ! ! ! Have you ever had to live with a friend? Yes, when we got evicted in '17. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Hell no. Why does the little kid have leukemia? So God can scare you into faith to save the child he cursed with the disease? Why did my sick kitten get run over when I was a kid? Why was my sister almost raped as a teen? I could go on forever about this. Life gets a lot more bearable once you just accept the shit isn't fair and has no rhyme or reason. You just have to live with it. Do you believe in sex before marriage? I believe in sex once you feel truly in love with someone. Just be safe with it. Do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart? Two, off the top of my head. Have you ever known anyone who died at war? I don''t think so. Who was the last person to hug you? My niece of nephew, I'm sure. Who is your favorite female celebrity? ... Wowie, why are like, all the ones I'm seriously invested in males. I suppose maybe Eugenia Cooney? Her recovery and development is like so fucking beautiful and I am 99.99% there isn't a sweeter person in existence. Were you nervous on your first day of high school? A little bit, of course. Three words to describe your best friend: Loyal, honest, and supportive as all fuck. Are you literally afraid of anyone? Yes. Who did you last take a picture with? My dad, I think? Literally forever ago? Who was the last person to comfort you? Sara. Who was the last person to unsurprisingly disappoint you? Mom. If she says "yeah we'll do (whatever)," don't hold her to it, ever. If you answer a question wrong in class, does it embarrass you? YEAH. What’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? "Bad Romance" is the shit. I also really like the "Love Game" remix with Marilyn Manson in it. Would you date someone who smokes? No sir. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? Why or why not? That's an even bigger "no sir." Would you date the same sex? Why or why not? Well yeah, 'cuz I'm bisexual. What’s your biggest turn off? Physically, bad hygiene. Personality-wise, being full of yourself and overly-confident is such a turn-off. What’s your biggest turn on, physically? Do. Not. Touch. My. Boobs. Where would you go on a first date? Me personally, I think a safe bet is the movies. The first date is always so nerve-wracking, so a movie takes away some of the pressure to talk as much as you can. HOWEVER, I think it's very important to have bonding/getting to know each other time, so I think having a meal together is a nice addition. Most hurtful relationship? The ending of mine and Jason's. Ever regretted breaking up with someone? No. Have you ever dated someone more than once? No. Do you miss any of your exes? I mean, I miss Jason as a friend, though I know it's probably for the better we no longer associate with one another. What’s your biggest turn on, NOT physically? Romance. Act respectful, like you truly love and want me as a partner. Obviously see me as your equal. What is the sweetest thing someone you dated did for you? Probably Sara actually listening and not getting jealous or annoyed by me talking about my occasional bad PTSD days. Last time you got flowers? A random day Tyler came over when we were dating in early '17. Are you ready to get into a serious relationship right now? I'm in one now. Do you like cuddling? If I romantically like you, I am a total cuddlebug. Do you regret dating anyone? Why or why not? Idk. I wanna say Tyler, but I mean, it tested my ability to say "fuck no I'm not dealing with (whatever trait)." Most important lesson you have learned from dating? DO!!! NOT!!!!! EVER!!!!!! RELY!!!!! ON A PERSON!!!!!! TO BE!!!!!!!! YOUR SOLE SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!! OF HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!! What does it take to get you on a date? I mean, ask? Be clear that you're interested in me? Are you happier single or in a relationship? In a relationship. I just feel like there's some sort of validation I'm an interesting and/or fun person. Favorite ex? This is a... weird question. I mean, Girt is the only one I remain in contact with and adore as a friend, but I was VERY easily most in love with Jason. How important are looks? I really can't say I care much. I mean yes, it's harder to be sexually attracted to someone you don't find visually pleasing, but I've dated people I wasn't physically attracted to before, and looks didn't hold me back from dating them or being romantically attracted to them. How do you know when you are in love? Oh, you know. I can't really explain it, you just like... know. If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them? NO SIR-EE. Have you ever been ashamed of anyone you were dating? No. Favorite memories with an ex? I don't want to ponder this for my PTSD's sake. I have a novel of "favorite" memories with him. Would you name a child of yours after you? Ugh, no. I honestly hate that. Like... it seems so egotistical, and why would you WANT to?? Like... that's your name. I just don't get it, at all. Obsessions? Markiplier is ACTUALLY the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, & I love lots of other YouTubers (no others really to the point of obsession tho, I'd say.... well, maybe Game Grumps), m e e r k a t s, the Silent Hill series, uhhhhh maybe that's it as far as real obsession goes. Perhaps Shadow of the Colossus with how many times I've played and beaten the thing. Addictions? I'm perfectly aware and regretful of just how reliant I am on technology. I turn into a caveman without it. I'm proooobably addicted to soda, fuckin' rip. Do you speak another language? Not anymore. I want to take German again, though, to refresh my memory and further improve, but I only really plan to if I have serious plans to visit Germany. Do you have a webpage? I have a Wix for my photography that I spent eons on jc. Do you live in the moment? Honestly, I don't feel so, most of the time at least. I'm always worrying and thinking about the future. Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? I'm, for the most part, extremely tolerant, though I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing that I'm becoming less so with time. Like ex., now, I seriously don't think I could be your friend if you don't support gay rights. There's just some shit I see as so ridiculous that I don't want to associate with you and give you my tolerance of your bullshit, hateful opinion. Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? I'm 23 years old. What are your #1 priorities in life? My happiness, my health, Sara, my pets. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Yeah. Certain types or urges in different situations, my religious anger and spite, my absolutely malice for my sister's horrid dog that for whatever fucking reason lives with us and not her... that kinda stuff. I think mostly just things relating to anger. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Hey anxiety, could you like?????????????? fuck off???????????????? Do you think you are emotionally strong? I will fucking NOT associate with your ass if you think I'm not after all the shit I've been through. Period. Not up for debate. What is your first name? *intro to B. Spears' "Gimme More" plays in the distance* Who was the first person you spoke to in person today? My mother. What was your first pet? The family cat Chance. If you mean like, actually mine, either Squeak the guinea pig or Shadow the Chinese water dragon. What was your first job? A GameStop sales clerk. How long was your first relationship? In my puppy-dog love middle school experience, maybe like, a couple of months? My first real one was three and half years. Who was the first person to break your heart? If you mean in any form, not just romantically, my dad when he abandoned us. Romantically, Jason. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? Other than my loved ones, Aaron, my 7th grade bf. First band you obsessed about? Truly obsessed with, Ozzy Osbourne. I loved Green Day as a kid, but it wasn't an obsession. First place you lived? Along the coastal plain/Piedmont border in North Carolina. First alcoholic beverage? Mike's Hard Lemonade. gud shit. First place someone took you on a date? I think Aaron and I went on a group date to the rollerskating rink first? That was a great day. Can you do a backflip? I'd break my neck, homie. Are you listening to anything right now? I'm binging Mother Mother. "Letter" is on right now. What do you do when you can’t fall asleep? Do exactly what you shouldn't do and get on the laptop, lmao. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? There's something I told Jason in my first letter to him after the breakup that I honestly... don't know if it was a lie or not. I was so goddamn hurt that I'd say almost anything. I don't want to talk about it, though. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? She's my girlfriend of two years, I'd hope she woulda by now, lmao. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? Nope. Have you ever found pictures on your camera you don’t remember taking? I don't think so. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? I don't believe so. WAIT. Tyler drew a picture of me and him, I think? At least she had my common outfit. Have you ever dated a redhead? No. Where is your favorite place to go when you want to be alone? I'm always in my room alone, so like- Do you have any nieces or nephews? Boy, a lot. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Is there anything you’re craving right now? I've honestly been a horny POS for forever now. What caused the last argument you had? My sister's mother-in-law being a homophobic piece of garbage. What was the last movie you watched? Good question. It's been a long time. Where were you the last time you kissed someone? The airport. Where was your last paycheck from? The day I worked at the dollar store for two hours and got $9 lmao. What was the last school you received a degree from? My high school. What did the last key you used go to? My house. Don’t tell me lies, so is the last person you texted attractive? She's gorgeous. Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? I have snake eyes now, which I got done twice, because the first time, it was pierced too far back, so the swelling of my tongue literally started to swallow/heal over the bar. :') But it was worth it; it was by far the most painful piercing (the second time actually made me nauseous), but it's my favorite. What’s the background on your phone? My lock screen is fanart of Darkiplier & the simple picture impregnated me; my home screen is Sara and me. Are you a parent? To pets. :') How are things between you and the person you are with? Great. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Idk, my mom, probably. If you have a birthmark, where and what color? Yeah, exterior of my right arm. It's a slightly darker brown that the rest of my skin. When was the last time you felt nauseous? A while back. List three things that make you feel nauseous. THE SOUND OF VOMITING, even preparing to attempt to pick up pet shit, and uhhhh, how am I blanking. I guess certain smells? Idk. Do your parents support your dreams? Yes. List three of your favorite types of YouTube videos to watch. Comedy ones between friends, let's plays, and Mark's character ones are a unique and Supreme brand of video. What is your favorite park? Idk, I haven't been to many. Do you get fireflies where you live? Yep. What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat (it's a zero). Do you wear the same shirt and shorts multiple times before washing? Only pj pants. If I actually go out in clothes, no, I change. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topiiiiiic. Has a medication ever given you nightmares? Yes. I can't remember which it was, though. And I suppose one I'm on now might be causing them? Would you rather be surrounded by maple trees, fir trees, or palm trees? MAPLE!!!!!!!!!! How many different states have you lived in? Only one. What’s your favorite thing to do on a hot day? Swiiiiiim. Do you know anyone who’s allergic to bees? I don't think so. What does your favorite bikini look like? Sweetheart, nobody wants to see me in a bikini. What is your favorite thing to do at the beach? Swim. Do you think you are attractive? Nope. Who have you hugged in the past month? Mom, probably, and I actually think that's it. Are you good at recovering from injuries? Uh, I mean, I guess? Do you have more piercings or tattoos? They're tied at six, actually. Last bad news you heard? Some guy recently tried to break into Nicole's friend's house while she was home alone, but she scared him off with a shotgun through the window. I'm still not fucking over it. Last good news you heard? I got a 94 on the final test for the book we read in Writing. What was the last thing you posted on a Instagram? I only ever post photography on both of mine, so some picture. Do you prefer to live alone or live in a family? I wouldn't know; I never lived alone. What states have you visited, that you remember? New York, Florida, Virginia, South Carolina, and I recall Ohio VERY faintly. Oh yeah, and Tennessee, but that's a vague memory as well. OH, HOW DID I FORGET ILLINOIS?????????? What countries have you visited? I've never left North America. What are five careers you’ve considered? In chronological order, some that I've considered are paleontologist, vet, movie designer, game designer, and photographer. What do you wish your hair looked like? I really wanna dye it silver rn. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I still care for him, yeah. I guess I'm in a way still protective of him, too, as I saw very clearly when a tornado landed in his general area this summer, and I felt like a total mama bear that desperately wanted to know if he was okay. I know in my gut I'd probably knock a bitch out if he was seriously hurt. I know, the absolute apex of irony. Who was the last person you called? Mom. Do you take pictures on your phone? Very rarely. My camera SUCKS. How old were you the first time you encountered God? Oh, brother. Have you ever hallucinated? In middle school when I was coming off of a medication, I saw moving shadows. Do you struggle to get by? I'm not the one who cares for myself financially; I still live "under" my mother, but oh yeah, we struggle alright. Who is the best looking male celebrity, in your opinion? ggggggggggggggggggIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLL looking at him forces me into ovulation lmao y'all done know who it is. Do you use Snapchat? No. Do you know anyone who’s colorblind? Jason's brother was colorblind to I believe red and green. I know it was two colors. What is your favorite time of day to run? Run???????????????? If I run, bitch you best be running too. What’s a show you remember the very first episode of? Meerkat Manor and That '70s Show are quite clear. I'm sure there are others, I just don't care to think too long about this. Do you hate sleeping in? If I need it, not really, but generally, I don't want to sleep past ~10:30. How late do you consider too late to sleep in? 12:00. What is something of yours that is falling apart? Ha ha ha, the very first thing that came to mind was our poor shed door. Hurricanes have legit torn most of the white paint off of it to where it hangs in strips. It looks so bad; I've told my mom so many times to just tear them off, but she thinks it would look worse that way. When was the last time you saw your crush? February. Sobs loudly. When was your due date, and when were you born? I was due January 20-something, but was born on February 5th, but only because my mom was induced. Do you want to have kids? NO. What website do you usually check first when you get online? KM, just to ensure it's not on fire.

[ncityislove]

Sempiternal Pt.3

➳Pairing: Yoongi x reader

➳Genre: Fluff

➳Warnings: cursing, a smidge of angst if you can even call it that

➳Word count: 4k+

After you left, Yoongi plopped down on the end of the couch that Taehyung was balled up on. For the first time in a while, Yoongi felt happy. He had never met a girl like you. Yoongi felt like yesterday was just the beginning. He wanted more with you. He wanted to take you on dates and show you off to all his friends and more than anything he wanted to be your boyfriend. Yoongi smirked to himself at the thought of that.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Hosoek, slipping out of Namjoon's embrace. Yoongi blinked.

"W-what? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about something," stuttered Yoongi.

"Something or someone?" Hosoek said, running a hand through his sleep crazed hair.

"Huh?" Yoongi said, not catching on.

"I'm not an idiot Yoongi. I remember that day Jin sent you to the grocery store. I stayed over the night before, remember?"

Yoongi shifted in his seat nervously. "What are you talking about?"

"Hyung, I saw you go to the store completely normal and come back looking like someone killed your cat," Hosoek said crossing his arms.

"I don't have a cat," Yoongi grumbled.

"That's not the point. The point is, I saw your face when I dragged you into that bar. You looked like a fat kid who just found a kit-kat."

"Your analogies are weird as fuck, bro."

"I don't hear you denying anything I'm saying, though, do I?" Hosoek said, giving him a knowing look.

Yoongi stayed silent.

"I knew it!" Hosoek exclaimed, doing a victory dance.

"Shut up," Yoongi said throwing his head back on the couch pillows.

"So, y/n is the reason why you've been such a pain in the ass these past two months?" Hosoek questioned.

"Can't you let this go?" Yoongi said growing annoyed by the second.

"You know that's the reason why I dragged you to that bar in the first place," Hosoek continued. "Ha! And you said it was a bad idea. You had been such a dick lately and refused to leave the house like some weird old hermit or something."

"Huh? Did someone say hermit?" said Namjoon shooting up.

Yoongi rolled his eyes to the sky. "You're the only person I know who would wake up just because they hear the word 'hermit'."

"For Christ's sake, please get some help," Hoseok said putting his head in his hands.

"You're the therapist here. Find a cure for Namjoon's crab obsession," Yoongi said standing on his feet.

"Shut the hell up," Namjoon said stretching. "If anyone needs help, it's you two."    

You stalked down the food court, pouting childishly, with your best friend, Leena, rushing behind you. You had been shopping all day and couldn't manage to find a single thing you liked.

"Y/n, slow down!" Leena panted after you.

"How hard is it to find something casually sexy but also comfortable and cute? I don't wanna look like a slut but I don't wanna look like a nun either, god!" You exasperated.

"Girl, let's just take a deep breath and eat something, okay?" said Leena, patting your back.

You nodded at your friend, sighing. You were too tired to argue anyways. You found a table that wasn't too sticky and sat down as Leena handed you your Panda Express.

"So, this Yoongi person is the legendary grocery store guy?" asked Leena.

"Yeah, and he looks even better than I remembered," you said stuffing your mouth with fried rice.

"Does he have any brothers?" Leena said smirking. The corners of your mouth turned down.

"I don't know about any brothers but his friends are equally as hot."

"Is that so? I just might have to meet these gentlemen then, won't I?" she said stealing some of your orange chicken.

"Hey! Who do you think I am? Eat your own food, you whore," you said waving a knuckle in the air.

Leena ignored you and took another bite of your food before wiping her hands on a napkin.

"You know, I may have something at home that you could wear."

You leaned over the table. "Do you, now?"

It was 6:24 and you had tried on almost everything in Leena's closet that could fit you. You had finally found an outfit that you deemed appropriate and Leena almost fell out of exhaustion when you did. Could she literally be any more dramatic? It was a grey jumper that outlined your curves but covered enough skin that it still left things to the imagination. 

Now all you had to do was wait on a call from a certain someone. This was where you struggled the most. An hour passed and then another and you were sure he wasn't going to call you at that point. You thought you had been very clear when you had told him to call you tonight but maybe he didn't like you as much as you thought. Maybe he was just being nice when he said he wanted your number. Maybe he felt bad for you.

Leena rolled her eyes when you expressed your doubts.

"Oh come on, if what you've told me about Yoongi is true then I have no doubt in my mind that he'll call," she said bringing you into a hug.

   As if on cue, your cell phone rang and your body shot up immediately, pushing Leena off of you, forcefully. You dashed for your phone and Leena, who was now lying on the floor, caught your foot before you could reach it.

"Wait! Don't answer it; let it ring a few times."

"Right, of course! Thanks, Leena," you said. You waited a few more nerve-wracking seconds until you slid your fingers across the screen.

"Hello?" you said.

"Hey, it's Yoongi," said a deep voice from the other line. You heart stuttered at the sound of his voice.

"Put it on speaker!" Leena whisper-shouted.

You put a finger to your lips as you put the phone on speaker mode.

"I didn't think you'd call," you said.

Yoongi chuckled. "What did I do to make you think that? I said I'd call and I did." A small smile formed on your face.

"I'm glad you did. I missed your voice," you said.

Yoongi paused, caught off guard by your honesty. "You know, I did too...Which is why I'm asking you out tonight so you can hear it some more."

Leena let out a high pitched squeal and you jumped off your bed to put your hand over her mouth.

"O-okay," You stammered. "What time?"

"Right now. I'm pulling into your neighborhood."

Your eyes widened. "Wait, what?? How do you know where I lived?"

"I got it from your manager at the bar. You shouldn't trust that guy by the way, he gives out your personal information pretty easily," Yoongi said, laughing.

Leena had to cover her own mouth this time because if she didn't, she probably would've scared Yoongi with her obnoxious hyena laugh.

"B-but why didn't you tell me ahead of time?!" You said, scrambling to find your shoes.

"I wanted to surprise you," Yoongi said. And you could tell by the tone of his voice he was smiling.

"I'm only half-way ready, Yoongi!" You said stuffing your wallet into your purse.

"I know," Yoongi chuckled.

You paused. "Min Yoongi, you evil, evil man."

"I can be at times. Now, open the door," said Yoongi. The call ended and not even a few seconds later you heard a loud knock at the door.

"I guess you get to meet him sooner than you expected, Leena. Go get the door," you demanded as you shoved her out of your bedroom.

"He better be as cute as you said he was because-

Ding dong

Leena paused. "Because-

Ding dong

"Damn, can I finish my sentence?" Leena huffed.

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong!

"Who told you it was a good idea to get a doorbell installed?" Leena yelled as she stalked down the hall.

You chuckled as you grabbed your mascara. "You did, remember?"

Leena indeed had requested for you to install the doorbell. There were countless mornings when Leena came over but you wouldn't answer due to your coma induced-like sleeping state. At one point she even asked for a key but you kept forgetting so when you walked in on Leena on the phone with your landlord you didn't object.  

Leena didn't answer you as she walked briskly to the front door to confront the man causing the ruckus behind the door.  

Yoongi started banging on the door again and Leena flung the door open, causing him to lose his balance and stumble in. Leena looked him up and down with squinted eyes as Yoongi regained his composure.

"You're lucky you're cute," she grumbled as she ushered him inside.

"Uh," Yoongi started, looking at Leena then around the house. "This is y/n's house....right?"

"Yeah, she'll be out in a minute."

"Oh," Yoongi said nodding then taking a seat on the couch, putting his feet up.

Leena gave him a questioning look. "You sure are comfortable for someone who's here for the first time."

"Thanks," Yoongi said pursing his lips but bringing his feet back to the floor.

"You might have to wait a little while. You really bamboozled her by showing up like this," Leena said clicking her teeth.

Yoongi paused. "I find pleasure in the element of surprise. It shows you people's true colors."

Leena raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry was that weird?" Yoongi said chuckling.

She shook her head, "No. Not at all actually."

Yoongi smirked. "So which way is y/n's room?"

"Huh?" Leena asked, furrowing her brows at the sudden change in topic.

"Never mind, I'll find it on my own," Yoongi said, already halfway down the hall.

"W-what? Wait!" Leena called after him but Yoongi continued his journey down to your room, ignoring Leena's protests.

Leena shrugged and plopped herself down on the couch grumbling to herself as she heard you yelp in surprise.

"Jesus, Yoongi!" You screamed. "What the hell is wrong with you, huh?" You said angrily, slapping his arm.

Yoongi was laughing so hard his shoulders were shaking. You huffed and sat down on the edge of your bed.

"You're a real asshole," you mumbled.

Yoongi stopped laughing. "What did you just call me?"

"Did I stutter?" You said crossing your arms.

"Uh, yeah? You were all like, 'Y-y-you're a-a real a-asshole, Y-Yoongi.'"

"You little— You started, throwing your body on top of his, knocking him over.

"I'm gonna kill you! First, you show up to my house out of the blue and now you're disrespecting me?" You said throwing soft punches.

"Ahhh! Oh n-no! Yoongi fake screamed.

  You laughed as you slapped his chest harder and Yoongi grabbed your hands and looked at you with a gummy smile that stopped your heart. You could swear you could see the universe in his eyes and his hair looked so soft that you had to fight the urge to run your fingers through it. Yoongi's smile faded as he examined your expression.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Yoongi said flailing your wrists about, reviving your laughter once more.

"What the hell is going on back here?" Leena asked standing by the door. "What's with all the screaming? And what in God's name are you doing on top of him like that?"

You blushed at the intimate position you were in. You were straddling Yoongi's lower abdomen, just mere centimeters away from a zone that you would very much like to be in but is very much, way too inappropriate to do so. At least right now it is.

Yoongi's smile widened. "I'm not complaining." And with that, you stood up as quick as possible.

"Aww," Yoongi whined, not moving from his spot on the floor.

"Are we going out tonight or what?" you said rolling your eyes playfully.

"Alright, Alright. Let's go," said Yoongi getting up. "It was nice to meet you...?"

"Leena," she said finishing for him.

"Leena. Got it. We'll be going now," he said saluting her as he walked out your bedroom door.

"Byeeee!" You yelled as you were being pulled away.

"Stay safe, you two!" she yelled back as the door slammed shut.

   Yoongi opened the door for you and you slid into the car seat, trying not to pee your pants. It's not that you were nervous or anything like that. It's just that your heart was beating a mile a minute and your stomach flipped every time you thought about the fact that you were on a date with a handsome painter. No, you definitely weren't nervous.

   The car ride was mostly silent other than the few times Yoongi fake stuttered a question every now then, earning a smack on his arm. You tried not to seem so flustered but even under your makeup, every time you caught Yoongi looking your way, they burned a bright red. The effect he had on you frightened you, quite honestly. You'd never been in a real relationship and anytime someone got close, you ran away, sometimes literally. You liked being alone. You lived alone, worked alone, and spent most of your time alone. It's not that you hated people (well maybe) it was just that socialization wasn't your thing. You had a tendency to say all the wrong things and it always hurt the people you loved. You didn't want to burden anyone by having them struggle to understand you, or even worse, accidentally hurting them and they leave you. With the exception of your childhood best friend, Leena, you'd decided long ago it was better to have no one at all then to be left behind by someone you loved. 

Taking a chance on Yoongi surprised both Leena and yourself. If this was any other guy, you wouldn't have even been sitting in the car with him but Yoongi was different. What made him so special, you didn't know, but the thought of ending what had barely even begun made your heart wrench so you decided not to dwell on it.

The restaurant wasn't even a restaurant. It was a cafe located dead smack in the middle of an empty plaza. Not that Yoongi had even told you where he was taking you, but you had high expectations and you worked quickly to hide your disappointment. The heart-stopping smile he sent you as you walked side by side towards the entrance helped a little. 

When you entered the cafe, your eyes went wide as saucers and an over dramatic gasp escaped your lips because this was not what you expected to see. You expected to be met with the heavy scent of coffee and plain walls with a few pictures of the owners on the walls. You had expected an old plain Jane ordinary cozy little cafe but you couldn't have been more wrong. The cafe was brightly colored and a lot bigger than it looked from the outside. Though the coffee scent was still there, it was mixed with the wonderful fragrance that could only belong to nature's cutest creatures. You kicked your feet with glee as the fluffy little angels ran to greet their mysterious new visitors.

A dog cafe. Yoongi has brought you to a dog cafe.

You kneeled down to pet the dogs encircling the two of you, smiling so hard your cheeks began to hurt, cooing at the adorable dogs.

"Oh good, I was scared you might've been allergic to dogs or something when you gasped like that," Yoongi said flicking his head a bit so he could peer down at you through his bangs.

You ignored Yoongi's comment as you inhaled the lavender scented dog shampoo that hung in the air. You had always like dogs although you were never fortunate enough to own one. You had always been stuck with a fish or a hamster whenever you'd asked for a puppy. You scrunched your nose at the memory. Dogs were a rare sight for you so whenever a dog was near, you jumped at the opportunity to pet them and silently wish to yourself to keep it forever.

"I...I think this is the best day of my life," you said, astonished.

Yoongi crouched down beside you and held his hand out for the dogs to lick at. "Obviously," he grumbled. 

You grimaced at him before elbowing him in his ribs. Yoongi rubbed at his sides, hissing, before leaving you and the dogs behind in favor of ordering. While you were distracted with a particularly cute white-haired dog that you didn't know the name of, Yoongi ordered for you and picked out a table for you both right next to the window. You reluctantly left the cute pets to join Yoongi and retrieved your coffee which tasted too good to be true if you were being honest with yourself. Yoongi even went as far as purchasing another of the drink due to your raving, which you tried to decline, but he'd only rolled his eyes and left to make another order, this time bringing pastries that were equally as yummy as they appeared. 

The two of you chatted away for what felt like an eternity but to your dismay, barely an hour had even passed. The date was going surprisingly very well. Yoongi has been s gentleman all night, pulling out the chair for you, opening doors and even paying for your meal. If you hadn't have known better, you'd think you were dreaming. The cafe had been pretty much empty (why that was, you had no idea) so it made the whole thing feel more intimate. That was, until a very casual man walked in, sounding the bells on the door, causing the dogs to come racing from all around to the door. You smiled at the dogs for the umpteenth time that night.

"Do you come here a lot?" You asked turning back around to face Yoongi.

Yoongi finished the last two bites of his muffin before speaking. "Not really. I've only been here once but I always wanted to come back." He said as he crumpled the wrapper in his hand and leaned over the table. "and this time I got to come back with a beautiful girl."

"That was so corny," you shook your head biting your lip to stop the smile threatening to form on your lips but Yoongi could see right through you.

"Maybe, but you liked it," Yoongi said flicking his finger under your chin, leaving your skin burning after its departure and a light feeling in your stomach. "I'll be right back, I've gotta go powder my nose real quick," He said, getting to his feet then briskly walking toward the restrooms.

"Powder your what?" You said to no one in particular. You giggled softly at his strange words. Yoongi always did the weirdest things to make you laugh.

"What a stunning smile," said a voice from behind.

You whipped you head, slightly startled, to be greeted by a pair of curious chocolate eyes and a friendly smile.

"Oh," was all you could manage to say. The stranger stood there staring at you for a second longer than normal then cleared his throat. You took in his black hoodie and ripped jeans as he stuffed his hands in his pockets awkwardly. 

"That was supposed to be an icebreaker but I guess it didn't work too well," the man said sheepishly.

"Oh," you repeated. You blinked a few times before you realized it might come off rude to say nothing more than 'oh'. "Ah, sorry. I'm just a weirdo. Thank you for the compliment.

"No problem," he said grinning, showing off his perfect teeth. "I'll let you get back to your drink." And with that, he was gone. Yoongi had returned back to his spot at the table before you had enough time to register what just happened so you just shrugged it off, ready to resume your date.

"That was quick," you said fixing your already perfect hair.

"I have a small nose," Yoongi said standing again. "Shall we move this party somewhere else?"

You cocked your head to the side. "Somewhere else? You mean there's more?"

Yoongi hummed his affirmation, smiling that adorning smile of his, turning you to mush. You opened your mouth, ready to ask another question, but was cut short when the cashier sits an oversized frappé with a heavenly amount of whipped cream drizzled with caramel in front of you. Your eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Oh!- I, um, didn't order this," You said staring up at her in confusion.

"Yes, I know. It's from the gentleman over there," she said pointing in the direction of the stranger from a few moments ago. He held up a hand with a smile as big as Texas and you froze, looking at your drink, then him, then back at your drink. Your mouth gasped open at the sudden realization that he was attempting to flirt with you earlier and that's when you began to panic. You gasped softly before waving back at the man and telling the cashier to send him your thanks. When you turned to Yoongi, his eyebrows were scrunched together and his sharp eyes squinted at the stranger who either was completely oblivious to his stare or just flat out didn't care.

"Yoongi? Hey! Earth to Yoongi??" You said waving your hand in his face. Yoongi's eyes slowly drifted from the man to you.

"Don't worry about him, it's just a drink," you said rubbing his arm, coaxing him to sit back down. You let out a sigh of relief when he did.

"Just a drink huh?" He questioned.

"Exactly, just a drink," you said flicking your hand as if it was nothing.

"I don't think he knows that," Yoongi said, his jaw set.

"What do you mean?" You said sitting up straighter.

"He's coming," said Yoongi, leaning back in his chair.

Your lips parted in surprise when you turned to see Yoongi's words were true. The stranger was a few steps away and you began to panic again. Your date was at stake here. Your foolish mistake of not realizing the man's intentions was obviously bothering Yoongi and you feared at that very moment that he might murder the poor man. The look in his eyes, although it wasn't aimed at you, sent an icy chill down your spine.

"I hope you like what I picked out. I didn't know what you liked," said the man.

"No, it tastes great! Thank you," you lied, not having tasted the drink yet. "But I think there's a misunderstanding. You see, I'm on a date," you said gesturing to a very intimidating Yoongi.

The man smiled at you. "Yes, it seems so. Sorry if this comes off rude but I don't care that you came here with another man. What's important is that you leave with me."

You shrunk back in your seat with wide eyes.

"What?" Yoongi hissed.

"It's nothing personal, man. We both like her for obvious reasons but it's clear that I could take better care of her than you ever could," he said eyeing his clothes with a slight frown.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Yoongi said, his voice growing louder.

"I was being pretty straightforward. If you can't figure it out than it only further proves my point."

"Listen," the man said turning to you. "I don't know how this guy managed to get you here with him but if you just allow me one date—

Yoongi abruptly stood up. "Listen buddy—

"HAHAHAHA! OKAY TIME TO GO NOW!" You exclaimed, laughing nervously.

"No, hold up, I need to set this guy straight," Yoongi said sizing up the man.

"No, no, no! You said there's more right? The date includes us going somewhere else and we were already leaving so c'mon!" You said yanking at his arm. After a couple of tugs with no reaction, he let you drag him out of the cafe into the dark sky.

Yoongi leaned his body against the passenger's door, his arms folded, as he exhaled a long sigh.

"Yoongs?" You said approaching his tense figure. "Your not mad right?" Yoongi shook his head silently, not moving from his position against the car. You stood next to him lacing your fingers in his as you watched his anger quite visibly dissipate into the cool air.

"I'm sorry. I had no right to get so angry," Yoongi said facing you.

"No, don't apologize. He was outright disrespectful to you. You have every right to be upset."

Yoongi sighed again as he stared at your intertwined hands. A smile bloomed on his face as he squeezed your hand. "You called me 'Yoongs'."

You giggled. "Did I? I heard the boys calling you that so I guess it just stuck."

"I like it. It sounds better when you say it."

You cheesed at the devilishly handsome man standing before you and everything felt perfect. Like you standing with him was something you've done countless times. Your attraction to him somehow grew stronger in the time he picked you to now and you wanted nothing more than to keep his hand in yours for as long as possible. The encounter at the cafe was quickly forgotten as you laughed together in the car, on your way to the next mysterious location.

[bonnissance]

fic title: rivers and roads

[i said if ya hit me w a fic title and i’d clap back w a drabble]

roads and rivers (is how we ended up here), Serena/Bernie (Holby City [part of the we can share a heartbeat for the night (share our hearts for the rest of our lives) aka they meet on the maternity ward AU also aka the Bernie/Marcus/Serena throuple verse but currently absent Marcus]) teen, 3.5k+ big shout out to Lo for the title and also beta-ing 💖 tags: family outings, friends to lovers, first kiss, soft gay feels.

‘God, I’m not looking forward to holidays,’ Serena huffs, shoulders slumping, on the other side of the table. ‘I mean, I am—it’ll be nice for the kids to have some times off and I know they’re excited—but I’m dreading Ellie stomping around the house and terrorising the nanny when she’s bored.’

Bernie barks out a laugh before Serena pins her with a glare.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ she apologises, palms up in surrender. She sucks in a shaky breath and stares at the mug cradled in her hand; ponders a few moments before offering up an idea.

‘You could always try tiring her out before the holidays start? Take her out shopping on your weekend off, make a day of it and don’t let her catch on you’re bribing her for good behaviour.’

She looks up to see Serena smiling like the sun.

‘God, Bernie, that’s brilliant. Oh, we could go to London!’ She’s so bright Bernie has to look away, proud smile on her own lips, congratulating herself on a good idea. ‘You should come too!’

Bernie’s head shoots back up and she blinks.

‘Oh come on, don’t look at me like that, when was the last time you left Holby?’ Bernie opens her mouth to reply. ‘Christmas doesn’t count!’ Bernie closes her mouth. ‘And you said Cam’s friends were going camping that weekend?’ Bernie nods. ‘So with Marcus away till next month it’ll just be you and Lottie in the house. Oh, please? The girls would love it, and you could use a change of scenery.’

Bernie mulls it over, nibbling her bottom lip, looks up at Serena’s hopeful face and knows she could never say no. She nods with a huff. ‘Fine, fine!’ She’s too far away to prod Serena in the chest so settles for pointing at her and glaring. ‘But if this is just a ruse to take me shopping, don’t expect me to come quietly.’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’ Serena shakes her head, face suddenly solemn. ‘But…if we do end up clothes shopping,’ she starts and Bernie rolls her eyes. ‘I promise you can sit it out and, I don’t know, you can hold my coat or something.’

Bernie considers the offer, thinking it over as she looks at Serena’s shy, hopeful face, finally relenting with a curt nod. She gets a shining smile as reward and drinks it in, sitting back in her chair with a smirk and letting Serena’s voice wash over her, as she rambles about all the places they might visit.

*

Bernie drives them to the station just past the crack of dawn; Serena wide eyed and excited while the girls grumbling in the back seat. They don’t stop whining until Serena flicks on the stereo and starts blaring the Spice Girls—their newest obsession—and starts singing at the top of her lungs to drown them out.

Bernie joins in the singing and girls start yelling, giggling, squealing, as Bernie warbles through wrong lyric after wrong lyric, but continues on regardless. They’re all in stitches by the time they get to the station—ten minutes earlier than ten minutes early—tears streaming down their faces as Bernie powers through the rest of the song.

Serena is still giggling as she buys their tickets, Bernie is still humming as she waits with the girls on the platform, Charlotte and Elinor still singing and now dancing as the train draws due.

Serena joins them with three minutes to spare, two coffees in a tray and paper bag stuffed with pastries, to find them still dancing. She grumbles about children having far too much energy for this time of day and Bernie smiles at the false irritation. Bernie may be an early riser but she’s as keen for an early morning snooze as the next woman; it’s Serena’s who’s consistently awake in the early morning, even when she doesn’t need to be, and she’s always chipper once she’s had her coffee.

Serena flicks her eyes to the time—one minute out—and then to the tray in her hand. Bernie sees the longing, hungry look in Serena’s eyes, know she won’t drink till they’re sitting, and prays the train isn’t delayed.

*

It isn’t, thankfully; it’s right on schedule, in fact. Apparently so are they, Bernie realises, when Serena pulls out an itinerary out of her handbag two minutes after they step off the train in London and starts rattling off the list of places they’re going to see today.

Bernie’s not sure what else she expected—of course Serena has a schedule, of course she organised things to make they won’t miss anywhere that girls asked to visit, that she wants to see, or the one place Bernie mentioned she’d like to go—and Bernie follows along willingly, keeping their brood together and trailing behind Serena as they roam around the city.

It’s far more efficient that her “wander around until something seems fun” approach to family outings—the way that always makes Marcus sigh but the children cackle with glee, trying their luck as they tug on Bernie’s hand towards yet another ice cream store, fingers still sticky from the last daytime dessert—she’s happy to carry the sandwiches in her backpack. She likes that Serena has forgiven her for the last debacle, that she trusts Bernie to keep them all feed this time.

She’s reconsidering her gratitude by the time they reach the aquarium. This place might have been Bernie’s idea but she’s certain she’s got blisters forming under blisters, lunchtime feels miles away, and all she wants to do it sit down and strap some bandaids to her toes.

She keeps her grumbles to herself as they walk through the corridors: she sees Charlotte spark up as a shark swims overhead, sees Ellie walk up close to a sting ray with her mouth gaping open, sees Serena silently coo over a cluster of nudibranch. Sees them enjoy themselves and all is forgiven.

She and Serena do their best to keep an eye on the kids racing over the mesh flooring, echoes reverberates around the glass cases as they marvel at all the underwater creatures. She has to remind Ellie not to tap on the glass three times, till Lottie starts doing it for her, as they wanders past tank after tank, filled to the brim with aquatic life. She finds herself standing beside Serena more and more with each passing room, till they exit, elbows brushing, and walk out into the gift shop as a group.

They walk along the side of the Thames, crossing over Westminster Bridge. Serena stop in the middle—calls out to the children to wait a moment—and leans against the railing. Bernie sidles up next to her, a child on either side of them, and they all look out over the water.

Bernie closes her eyes, to soak in the sun, as they bask in happy silence. A few minutes later she feels someone tap on her arm; opens her eyes to see Serena smiling at her, Lottie yanking on Serena’s hand, Ellie a few feet behind them and further way.  

‘Come on!’ she urges, stumbling backwards, beckoning Bernie forward, laughing loud. ‘The kids are hungry.’

Bernie rushes to catch up, blinking sunspots out of her eyes; slips her hand into Lottie’s, still clinging tight to Serena. She smiles as they they both raise her daughter off the ground without a word, as she laughs long and loud, swinging an arc between them.

*

They settle in the speckled shade of a silver birch—Elinor’s choice—the light breeze offering further respite from the summer sun as they munch on the picnic Serena cobbled them together.

Serena starts snacking on a punnet of strawberries half way through her egg and cress and Bernie nicks the other half of her sandwich—Serena catches her in the act, doesn’t say a word, eyes sparking—and offers her a strawberry.

Bernie leans forward, her thieving hands full, bites into the pink flesh, just shy of the green top, groaning as the tang washes over her tongue. She sits back as she chews, swallows, content; splays out onto her back and stares up at the clouds.

She only sits up when she remembers she has another half a sandwich to eat. Sits up to see Serena smiling at her fondly before popping the last strawberry in her mouth.

‘Where are we going next, Mum?’ Ellie pipes up when she’s finished her sandwich. Serena hums thoughtful and pulls out the schedule; Bernie can’t help groaning.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that,’ she mumbles when Serena’s head snaps towards her, looking away to pick at the edge of the blanket. ‘It’s been a lovely day, really.’

Serena smiles gently and reaches over to pat the top of Bernie’s hand. ‘I was going to say…’ Bernie looks at her, curious and suspicious, and Serena quirks an eyebrow. ‘That we can do whatever we like with the afternoon. Personally, I’m hoping for a snooze and then a quiet train trip home,’ she says glibly, eyeing Bernie knowingly, smirking when Bernie starts to blush.

‘Oh, um, that sounds nice,’ Bernie mumbles, grateful and embarrassed in equal measure. ‘I’ll keep on eye on everything while you have a kip?’

Serena nods, settles down on the rug, kicking the backpack onto the grass as she stretches out her legs. Bernie yanks the bag towards her to use as a pillow as they girls run off to play faeries. Bernie lies down, perfect vantage perfect for watching the girls chase each other around tree trunks, while Serena naps beside her.

*

The trip home is uneventful, Lottie half asleep against Serena’s shoulder and Ellie bopping in her seat beside Bernie.

The conductor announces Holby Station next stop and Bernie straps herself back into the backpack and bundles Charlotte into her arms; takes the lead while Serena checks the seats and ushers Elinor up the corridor and holds her hand as they wait in front of the door.

It takes them a minute or so to realise they’ve stood up far too early and Bernie’s arms ache by the time the door open and they step out onto the platform. She breathes in she adjusts her daughter on her hips: Holby air has never smelt so sweet.

Serena sneaks behind the wheel while Bernie straps Charlotte into the backseat; her eyes sparkle mischief as Bernie sinks into the passenger seat.

Bernie decidedly does not look at Serena as she clips her seatbelt, shuffles herself comfortable, and stares out the window. As if she hadn’t had enough of that on the train ride home.

Serena snort, starts the car, starts driving them home; takes one left turn too many and pulls up outside Bernie’s favourite curry house. Bernie turns to finally look at her, brow furrowed, as Serena leans over to rummage around in her handbag.

‘In you go,’ Serena urges, shoving her wallet into Bernie’s hand. ‘Unless you feel like cooking tonight? Because I’m certainly not.’

Bernie hums agreement, smiling; steps out onto the curb and starts practicing their order memorised long ago.

*

It’s still light when they pull into Bernie’s driveway but both children are fast asleep, lulled by the low radio and hum of the road after a long day. Bernie bundles out of the car first and opens the back door as quietly as she can, unclips Ellie and scoops her up gently. Ellie snuffles as she flops her head into the crook of Bernie’s arm and Serena’s head pops up over the roof of the car.

‘I can carry her,’ she says, shutting the car door behind her.  

Bernie shakes her head gently. ‘I’ve already got her.’ She walks around the car towards the footpath to Serena’s house. ‘You get the door and keep Lottie company till I get back?’

‘I’ll grab her, they can bunk in together,’ Serena says as her keys jangle in her hand. ‘It’ll be a nice excuse to have pancakes for breakfast,’ she adds cheerily, bustling past Bernie on her way back to the car.

Bernie leaves the front door open and flicks on a few lights on her way to the playroom; she’s tucking Ellie into the bottom bunk when Serena walks in.

‘Oh, leave me the hard job,’ Serena huffs good naturedly—they both know Charlotte always takes the top bunk— as she readjusts the sleeping child on her hip. ‘How’m supposed to get her up there?’

‘Here,’ Bernie says, arms out, walking forward with a smile. ‘Let me.’

She grips Lottie under the arms, pulls her out of Serena’s, hauls her up high and plonks her behind into the top mattress. Serena bends down to check on Ellie as Bernie slips of Lottie’s shoes before ushering her awake enough to crawl into bed.

Charlotte settles as Serena stands up on her tiptoes, tucking her as she says good night.  

‘Night, mum,’ Lottie mumbles sleepily and Bernie sidles up to Serena.

‘Night sweetie,’ she says, stroking Charlotte’s hair. ‘You too, Ellie.’

Elinor responds with a snore. The two adults bite back a round of giggles; pad towards the hall, switch off the light, shut the door quietly behind them.

*

‘God, I could murder a glass of wine,’ Serena says as she pads down the stairs half an hour later, freshly showered and newly clothed. She walks into the kitchen to find a glass of shiraz already breathing on the bench. ‘Oh, you angel!’ she exclaims as Bernie rummages through the cutlery draw to find forks for dinner.

Bernie looks up through her fringe, smiling shy: she likes making Serena happy. ‘Thought you could do with a reward after today,’ she says with a shrug. ‘You wrangled us all day and bought dinner.’

‘Too right,’ Serena replies with a smirk, picking up the glass and breathing in the aroma. She hums, contented, takes her first sip before leaning against the bench. ‘Need any help?’

‘Nope, got everything.’ Bernie shakes her head, a touch proud of being so on top of things. ‘You just drink your wine.’

‘Guess I shall then.’ Serena smiles against the lip of her glass and looks out the kitchen window. ‘Seems like a it’ll be a nice night, fancy eating outside?’

Bernie looks over her shoulder, sees the clouds primrose and peach against a cyan sky, turns back with a nod. ‘Get the door and I’ll bring it out.’

Serena winks, grabs the wine, opens up the back door; settles the bottle and her glass on the table and scurries back to the kitchen. She grabs a bag of food off the bench, blatantly ignoring Bernie’s protests that she can manage on her own, and scampers back outside with their bag of sides.

She sits down and helps herself to naan, happily munching away as Bernie joins her with everything else. They spread it all out on the table, Bernie making sure the tikka masala is nearest to Serena while Serena shuffles things until the lamb vindaloo is by Bernie’s right elbow. They pick and chose from the array as they load up their plates.

Serena claims the last of the butter chicken and Bernie reaches over to steal a piece of meat; ends up with the largest bit on Serena’s plate and stammers an apology—she only wanted some—while Serena laughs and pushes Bernie’s fork away. Bernie relents, accepts the offer, and makes sure Serena gets the last vegetable pakora.

They’re both stuffed by the time they mop up the last of sauce.

Serena sits back with a heavy sigh, rubbing her stomach, and picks up her wine. Bernie stacks the plates, taking them back inside before Serena can find it in her to move, and dumps in them in the sink to deal with later.

She grabs a second glass and heads back outside, notices the royal blue of the sky and darkening cloud, and switches on the outside porch light; thinks about cloud watching of that afternoon, turns around to grab the throw from the back of the couch, strides past Serena and the table and out into the middle of the grass.

She flaps out the blanket, smooth it down; turns to beckon Serena over, brandishing her empty glass.

‘Come on then,’ she urges, and Serena giggles, eyes delighted, grabs her glass and rushes to join, pouring Bernie’s glass before she settling down next to her.

*

Bernie counts the last drops of the bottle dripping into Serena’s glass, both their faces tinged pink and smiling. She shakes to shift the last, stubborn, fourteenth drop, splashing it onto Serena’s hand. She laughs as Serena’s tough darts out to lick it off the flesh by her thumb, feels her cheeks flush as Serena moans appreciatively.

‘Think we’ll need another bottle?’ Bernie prompts, already shifting her weight to stand, assuming the answer.

She pauses a Serena actually mulls it over before replying. ‘Maybe one more glass?’

Bernie nods and jumps up, smiling; walks back inside and pokes around the wine rack until she finds the second bottle of the label they’ve just drank—she knows Serena always buys in pairs—and barks triumphant when she finds it.

She trudges back outside, grabbing another blanket on the way; lets Serena deal with the cork while she drapes the throw over Serena’s shoulder.

She sits down, passes over her glass, and huddles in close as Serena’s pours. She reaches out to take back the glass and the blanket falls off her shoulders; she grumbles as she pulls it right and holds it tight as she sips, as Serena sips.

She tries not to grumble as the blanket keeps falling off Serena’s shoulders, to drop low on her back with each mouthful; knows she fails when Serena flicks off the blanket with a huff and necks the last third of her glass.

‘Sorry, Serena, I didn’t—’ Bernie cuts herself off as Serena rolls onto her knees, shaking her head, and unwraps the blanket from Bernie’s shoulders. She plonks back to sitting, shuffles down to the middle of the rug; flicks the blanket down over her feet, and holds the other side up.

Serena turns back to look at Bernie, eyes expectant. ‘Come on then, hurry up,’ she says, eyes on Bernie’s half full glass. ‘It’s cold.’

Bernie blinks, smiles, skulls her wine; wiggles in beside Serena and follows her lead to lay down. She breaths deep and feels her body relax against the ground, lying beside Serena, looking up at the night sky, at the twinkling stars, crickets chirping in the night air.

‘Did I ever mentioned Ellie went through an astronomy phase when we were in America?’ Serena asks, breaking their silence after long minutes of stargazing. Bernie hums out a ‘maybe’—the fact sounds familiar but she’s not sure if she knew before now—and Serena chuckles. ‘Well she did, went mad for it for good two months until she got bored—it was quite impressive actually—and dragged me along too. I ended up learning quite a lot. I wonder…’ she trails off for a few moments, humming to herself, before pointing towards a cluster above her head.

‘Here, see this one?’ Bernie tilts her chin up to see better. ‘That’s Pegasus. And that one.’ Serena moves to points up into the sky right above them and Bernie drops her chin. ‘That’s Hercules.’

‘I’ve heard of them,’ Bernie pipes up and Serena chuckles. Bernie can see her eyes crinkle in the dark.

‘And over there, those three stars,’ she adds, reaching across Bernie to point down towards their toes, her body curling closer as Bernie follows her finger. ‘That’s you!’ she says brightly, giggling at her own joke. ‘Well, your hair anyway,’ she corrects herself, dropping her hand. She props herself up on her elbow and looks down at Bernie. ‘But I expect you already knew that…’

Bernie shakes her head. ‘I always zoned out whenever people started talking about my name, to be honest. There’s a play as well?’ Serena nods and Bernie shrugs. ‘Haven’t the foggiest about either.’

‘Ah, well then, Berenice was an Egyptian Queen,’ Serena starts with a smile, checks to see if recognition registers on Bernie’s face: there’s a flicker and not much more, but it’s a start, and Serena charges ahead. ‘Right, so, her second husband—the first shagged her mother and she had him assassinated, I know! Riveting stuff,’ Serena adds in a rush as Bernie blinks, astounded, at the aside. ‘So husband went to wage war with Syria so she cut off all her hair and offered it to Aphrodite in exchange for his safe return, and it worked!’

‘Lucky lady,’ Bernie quips. ‘Maybe I should have held off on the trim, the rest of it might have come in handy now,’ she muses, smushing her chin into her chest to try and get a look at her cropped curls.

‘Too bad you already offered it to the salon floor,’ Serena teases, reaching out to flick at the ends of Bernie’s hair. ‘Though it’s worth it,’ she adds thoughtfully, ‘knowing you’ll never get sick in it again.’

‘Definitely,’ Bernie says seriously, vehemently, and Serena smiles, drops her chin, chuckles deep. Bernie chortles too and Serena looks back up, gazes at Bernie, creases of her cheeks still cutting deep.

Bernie blinks, at Serena’s face: shining down from barely a foot away, shining brighter than a galaxy glittering behind her. Something blooms in her heart, branches out through her veins, takes root in her spine—she’s so beautiful, is the only thought, the only thing she can feel, at that moment, is Serena’s beauty, the most beautiful—Bernie flicks her eyes down to Serena’s still smiling lips, looks back up to see her sparkling eyes; shifts up onto her elbow and brushes her fingertips over the the nape of Serena’s neck before she realises what she’s doing.

She’s so soft, is the only thought that runs through Bernie’s mind as she kisses Serena, as Serena kisses her back, before she realises what she’s doing—what she’s done—pulls back, panicking, to see Serena hovering close, her eyes still closed and her lips parted.

She holds her breath as Serena’s eyelids open slowly and she blinks down at Bernie. She breathes out as Serena’s eyes turn dark and intense, wanting in the dead of night; grunts as Serena dives forward to capture Bernie’s lips, push her hard against the ground, hands frantic and searching until they settle on her shoulders.

Bernie breaths into the kiss, feels herself relax, feels Serena relax against her, as they keep kissing with the stars twinkling above them.

[patchworktail]

ITS 4:30 AM AND I DONT FEEL LIKE SLEEPING so I’m gonna do this meme that i got tagged for twiCE and totally forgot to do til now!!!! (i had 2 dig through your blogs to find them omg)

ANYWAY i was tagged by both @mooitstimdrake​ and @cynessie​ (I MISS U BOTH BTW ❤)

RULES: Share 11 facts about yourself, answer 11 questions provided by the tagger, tag 11 awesome people and leave 11 questions for them to answer!

(I’m gonna skip tagging people/asking 11 questions - 1) because I’m lazy 2) because a lot of people who I would tag either have already been tagged or woN’T DO IT and 3) I have to answer two sets of 11 questions anyway so I’ll let one of those sets take the place of my 11 questions!!)

11 Facts

I was supposed to leave to move into my college 3 days ago but since my college is in Savannah they pushed off move-in/orientation for a weEK BECAUSE OF HURRICANE IRMA AND I’M STILL UPSET/DISAPPOINTED

That being said I’m about to start as a college freshman at art school, planning on majoring in animation! :D

I binged all of Buzzfeed Unsolved in like 2 days and I fuckin LOVE IT

Also BNHA is like my current main obsession???? I fell in love w that anime and uhhhh I’d Die For My Kids

I almost never use skype anymore - I’m always on Discord now (mutuals may add me just message me if you want my tag :3c)

I loooove creating OCs and my main OC is a forest elf named Rally and he’s precious and I LOVE HIM AND COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR HOURS (also my best friend @/harpxer and I have a huge ongoing rp with him and her mountain elf oc, Kahl!! they’re really gay)

Hmmm fun fact I guess I’ve been involved with internet communities since I was 10 years old and I made my very first internet friend when I was 10 and we’re still great friends and talk p much every day to this day (hi @/fiishr)

I want a tattoo super bad but idk what I’d geT

I worked at a jewelry engraving stand at an amusement park this summer and one night I accidentally gave myself a 1st degree burn on my finger from the hot glue gun and it hurt So Bad

I had my graduation party this July and it was really fun but the best part was when 14 of us played this giant game of spoons and it got really intense, made worse by people randomly screaming during it, and then we collectively decided to blast hardcore rap music from the speakers and Let Me Tell You i have not been involved in a more stressful card game in my LIFE

I’ll always always always fall for the hero/happy character/protagonist basically....idk what it is about me but I’m so Predictable...I love cute optimistic brave characters who just wanna do Right.....I don’t cARE IF PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE BORING I THINK THEY’RE PERFECT AND AMAZIGN AND I LOVE THEM

AS FOR AN EXTRA 12TH FACT ABOUT ME AS U CAN SEE I WRITE WAY TOO MUCH AND ALSO I’M THE BIGGEST OVERSHARER E V E R IT’S SO BAD SOMEONE STOP ME

ANYWAY ONTO THE QUESTIONS :3c

@mooitstimdrake​‘s Questions:

If you were to make a new blog dedicated to one single thing (fandom, hobby/activity, etc) what would it be? Honestly, right at the moment probably BNHA!!!! it’s legit my most recent big obsession and I love it?? so much???

If you could have any kind of animal as a pet, what would you have? A RACCOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH and some people actually do have them as pets! They can be difficult though but WORTH IT

Who was your favorite teacher and why were they your favorite? OH BOY......I’m gonna say it’s a tie between my AP studio art teacher and my AP US government teacher from this past year, my senior year! My AP art teacher because our class was super tiny, 12 kids, and it really felt like a family?? She was a-okay with letting us all goof around and say weird shit, she was really chill and funny and like. part teacher, part friend, which was always nice. As for my AP gov teacher, he was SO. FUCKING. FUNNY. OH MAN. NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE he just like? put up with SO MUCH? we had some real character kids in that class and my teacher’s reactions were HILARIOUS. he had a sarcastic streak too so his responses were equally as funny when someone did something weird. He would say the funniest stuff just ask @/harpxer I would tell her so many stories from that class sohboshrb. Aside from the humor that class was really interesting, and he’s a really good, invested teacher - he wanted us to learn, he’s super passionate about government and history, and he always started off each class with 2 current events which was really nice and helped me learn more about things happening in the world too!!! overall that was like my fav non-art class I’ve ever taken!!!!

What’s your guilty pleasure (and I’m challenging you not to say some kind of food)? HMMMMM. Honestly I’m gonna go ahead and say really cheesy or lame movies/shows (like, Disney channel movies, dumb shows - like the one summer I watched all of Glee LOL, stuff like that). Like yeah I know 90% of it is terRIBLE but it’s still amusing/lighthearted stuff that makes me happy KLSDJVLSDHB

Favorite pizza topping? EXTRA CHEESE IF THAT COUNTS, if not then pepperoni!!

What’s the last thing you bought (that wasn’t food)? I’ve actually been buying a lot the past few weeks in prep for college/spending a little money for ONCE since I worked all summer. I got a bunch of boring stuff but the things I’m most excited about are: two posters I got for my dorm (The Office is one and one is Lord Huron), a giant wall tapestry (it’s Up themed!!!), tWO BNHA/POKEMON CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEM I START CRYING BC THEYRE SO CUTE, and oh my GOD I BOUGHT THIS GIANT PILLOW FROM TARGET AND IT IS THE SINGLE SOFTEST THING I’VE EVER FELT AND IT’S HUGE AND IT IMMEDIATELY BECAME MY #1 COMFORT OBJECT AND TOP FIVE FAV THINGS IVE EVER BOUGHT!!!!!! I guess MOST recently though I just bought Clip Studio Paint online today (art program) since it’s on sale for 50% off and I’ve heard great things about it!

What upcoming movies/tv shows are you looking forward to? UHHHHH as for movies... justice league part 1, the incredibles 2, kingsman 2, the neW POKEMON MOVIE I CHOOSE YOU, probably a lot more I can’t remember rn. AS FOR SHOWS HMMM I’m...excited for the next season of the good place and izombie, and oh I’m excited for the punisher netflix show!! and the next season of voltron of COURSE!!! and next season of stranger things!! probably more I’m forgetting too tbh

Any recommendations (this could be anything just throw your best pitch at me)? JFISDJKLBJ I DON’T KNOW OMG tbh rachel you watch a lot of the same things I do already LMAOOO

What’s your favorite thing to wear that you own? OH FUCK I DUNNO HMMM I really like wearing my various leggings and scarves, but as like a Single Item....I like wearing....uhhhh I have this giANT sweater like it’s WAY too big for me but it’s so COMFY and I love it. I also love wearing my Star Labs sweatshirt bc it’s soft and comfortable

What was your first pet? my cat!!! we took her in as a stray kitten living in our backyard when I was like. 2 or 3 and so we’ve basically had her my whole life!!

If you could learn any language, what would it be? UHHHHHH honestly probably spanish - I took it 4 straight years and was okay at it in class but one year went by with me not taking it and I forgot everything LOOOL I’m...bad....at languages....

@cynessie‘s Questions:

Where is the coolest place you’ve ever been? I haven’t been many cool places :( I guess the coolest isssss I dunno it depends? Lake George is where I go on vacation every year, I LOVE NYC, I love Savannah too and it’s where I’m gonna be for college so?? ?? ?  ? I’VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND I’M SAD BUT I’M POOR AND CAN’T AFFORD IT

What was the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? veterinarian!! 

Look to your right. What do you see? a dirty plate on my desk, my bed just past that, and my CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY THAT ARE SO CUTE I CRY EVERY TIME I SEE THEM

What are you procrastinating on? ajkldjboidj lik e 4 art commissions,,,, and 7 MAP parts,,,, and my pre-work for 2 of my classes,,,,,,,and cleaning my room,,,, and sending thank-you notes to relatives,,, SOMEONE KICK MY ASS AND MAKE ME DO SHIT

Which family member are you closest too and what is their name? UHHHH.... I guess my younger brother Luke? or maybe my mom? I’m not on bad terms with anyone though, I love both my older brothers too and we all have a good sibling relationship I just talk more with my younger bro I think - second closest would be with my second older brother Connor!

What’s the last song you listened to? I’m listening to Ultralife by Oh Wonder right now :3c I’ve been on a huUUGE Oh Wonder kick lately!!

What do you generally carry in your bag/pockets when you go out? my wallet (w my license and money and debit card and all), travel size lotion, phone, and chap stick!!

What is one thing you are excited for? FINALLY GETTING TO COLLEGE NEXT WEEK AND STARTING CLASSES FJIODFHINBDFHBNSBO

Do you believe in ghosts? I’m gonna hesitantly say YES but I’m not 100% convinced I don’t think

What is a skill you want to learn? MAYBE THIS IS WEIRD but I think learning how to act would be kinda neat. On a more realistic note I wish I could learn to exercise without dying

Tell me a joke. I’M BAD AT JOKES DON’T DO THIS TO ME NESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO YEAH THAT’S ALL FOLKS it’s 5am now...Nice..... :’) I love my ability to stay up obscenely late while also getting Nothing Done JLSDNVDHAGHVDLAK

[franeridart]

Can we also talk about how Bakugou went from "weird haired guy" to "Kirishima. Change of plans". Oh man I didn't realize how much I missed the anime *cries*

BOI CAN’T WE I just spent the whole morning crying over seeing the moment Bakugou recognizes Kirishima as an equal animated nbd at all r i p me - I think this might be the first time Bakugou calls anyone by their name, actually, and I just!!! that’s because Bakugou heard Kirishima’s words and recognized him as a good partner and a worthy hero and someone whom he could respect and I’m gonna be grateful for chapter 133 for the insight on this for the rest of my always I !!!!!! have feelings g a h

Anon said:ok ok ok ok but but listen what about BAKGOU AND OCHAKO they are the most popular couple and the most cutest , i think you should try to draw them once i would love love to see this !!! of course just if you want hehe thanx

Ahhh sorry anon but I really don’t ship that - I mean, it’s true that I ship Bakugou with a bunch of people aside from my main two, but if they’re part of Deku’s group you can fairly assume they’re not between my Bakugou ships? And I only romantically ship Uraraka with Deku, Tsuyu and Iida anyway so! You’re probably not gonna see any romantic baku/ocha from me, sorry o

Anon said:Since we know what Bakugou’s parents are like, what do you think Kirishima’s parents are like?

I have a similar ask somewhere asking about Kaminari’s parents as well, so I guess I’ll answer both here?? As a general rule I don’t really like making headcanons over stuff I’m sure the manga will give me in the future, so I can’t say I’ve thought about this too much - there are a few things I work under the assumption of while drawing, like for example I’m taking for granted they both have at least functional families, considering Aizawa personally visited their homes to ask their guardians about allowing them back to school, and if anything had been weird he would have noticed

I like to think Kaminari got his quirk straight from one of his two parents with no mixing happening, and got the Kaminari surname from them as well, but that’s all I ever allowed myself to settle on as far as Kami’s family goes, everything else changes based on what I need for the current scenario I’m thinking about… I do often end back on him being an only child, though - in the same way depending on how angst or lighthearted I want it to be my ideas for Kirishima’s family change a lot, but generally I think I mostly fall back on the idea of him having a big family? In a scenario like that his parents are kind and love him a lot, but having many children and needing to split their attention on all of them might cause them to overlook him a little (it would explain his obsession with being flashy, for me) then again, who knows? I don’t know how canon you can consider the infos SMASH gives, but in one of the strips Kiri mentions working part-time, and the fact that he doesn’t seem to have problems with money kinda makes me believe he might be independent from his family like that (unless he’s a rich kid, also very entertaining as a possiblity)

I’ve seen a lot of headcanons floating around about both of these guys’ families and possibly being related to villains, that would be cool too, though I’m not sure how much I believe it

I’m sorry this ended up being little to no useful at all lol as I said, I just shift between scenarios a lot - imagine settling on one and growing attached and then having to let it go once Hori proves it wrong, that’d be terrible for me

Anon said:Oh my god…we had a black cat called nitro !! He was super affectionate and high strung. Thanks for reminding me of him. great art as always !!!

You’re!!! the second person telling me they have/had a cat called that!!!! °O° is it a popular name for cats? I just called her that for Baku’s quirk tbh hahaha

Anon said:I would L.O.V.E to do a BNHA art collab with you my lord!

BOI THAT’S FLATTERING!!!!!! I’ve never done collabs before though, so I dunno if I’m comfortable with this? I’ll !!! have to think about it!

Anon said:Not only is your art adorable but how much you babble on in the tags is absolutely precious, you’re like a sunshine who always brightens up the day just by being yourself!

Way to make me blush anon oh my g o d!!!!!! I’m??? glad I can make you smile with my incoherent blabbering??? It’s super nice to know because tbh I just have way too much to say about everything hahaha (read: I dunno how to shut up. ever. rip)

Anon said:I just wanted to say your asks posts and doodles and literally just your whole blog in general brightens up my day so much no matter how sucky it’s been. I had a rough day today but the first thing I saw when I got on tumblr was one of your bakugou drawings and it made me smile when nothing else that day did and I just wanted you to know that. Also you seem like one of the most honest and heartwarming people ever. I hope you have a good weekend. ❤️

gODS what’s up with you guys trying so hard to make me a smiling and blushing mess here aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! thank?? you???? I’m really, really, really happy I could make you smile!!! That’s the reason why I post my stuff to begin with, knowing I could help you even just a little bit means a lot!!!

Anon said:I’m really sorry if I reposted anything!!!!! Its truly out of habit….😌 But really, I’m sorry. (By the way, your art is amazing!!)

Thank you!! And as long as you took down whatever you reposted, your apology is more than accepted! Thank you for being understanding! But that kind of habit is something you should really grow out of, anon - for most artists, if they wanted their art on other websites they would post it themselves, and as long as it’s about sharing it here on tumblr a reblog is more than good enough! It’s nice of you to want to share my things, and I’m happy you like my stuff enough to want more people to see it, but since I don’t have accounts anywhere else on the internet I don’t really want my stuff there either - a link back to the original post would suffice if all you want is share, wouldn’t it? 

About this, thank you so much to all the super nice people telling me they’re sorry about my stuff being reposted! There’s a lot of you and posting all the asks here would make this post insanely long, but know that I read all of them and I appreciate every word! To those mentioning they do tell people to take my stuff down when they notice it being reposted, thank you so so so so much, and to those worrying I might stop posting, for now that’s still not going to happen - I might reduce the amount of stuff I post for specific fandoms or ships, but I love it all too much and I love sharing my love for them too much to just stop. And thank you for all the nice words and compliments too, you’re all so kind to me !!!!

Anon said:I don’t know if you’re familiar with Dave and Buster’s (it’s a big arcade/restaurant for mainly adults) but I went the other day and all I could think about was “holy shit, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Terushima would have the time of their lives here” anyway, just thought I’d share that with you since I know you ship them as well cx

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we don’t have those in Italy so I can’t say I am, but this sounds interesting and if it’s bo kuro and teru I’m always up for hearing more! What kind of place is it? How does it work?? *O*

Anon said:Not a question or anything but I just found your blog and it is so nice??? Like all your art is amazing and you’ve made bakushimanari my ot3 and you bakusquad doodles are just perfect too. Just thank you for existing and your art and ideas just give me life. That’s all

THANK YOU OH MY GODS!!!!!!!!!! I’m so so so happy you like my squad stuff?? Lately they’re the most entertaining thing to draw tbh, I’m glad there’s actually people who like all the silliness hahaha I wish you the best weekend, anon, I know this ask just made mine, tbh!!

Anon said:LMAO when did Allen strip I don’t remember that

It’s in an extra! God I can’t remember what they were talking about so I can’t find it, I’ve been trying to since I got this ask (if??? anyone knows??? that’d be much appreciated???) but anyway they were hosting something? It might have been a character poll or something similar but I’m not sure, and Allen was The Host™ and at some point he started stripping and talking about added prices for it and if I remember right Reever and/or Johnny might have started crying for his forever lost and now non-existent innocence (was that a pun? possibly)

Anon said:OMG!!! I get so excited every time I see you posted something and now you just !!! uploaded !!!! all !!!! these !!!! BAKUGOU !!!! BIRTHDAY !!!!! COMICS !!!! AND !!!! I !!!!! AM !!!!! SO !!!! HAPPY !!!!!! (and they are all so adorable!!)

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED THEM HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!! Every time I post so much all together I always worry it’s too much haha I’m sorry for clogging all your dashboards now and again rip

Anon said:I was so excited this chapter of bnha because I thought we’d finally learn Kirishima, my babies, backstory but then we didn’t and now I’m sad (im still holding out for him having met/seen Bakugou in middle school for some reason and being inspired or something).

That’s tbh a good headcanon I’ve seen around now and again, and until Horikoshi will finally stop holding back all the Kiri infos you!!! keep on doing your thing!!!! he for sure already knew of him because everyone did thanks to the sludge incident, so why the heck not 

(I can’t say I share the hc though, since until they fought together during the USJ attack Kirishima did think of Bakugou’s quirk as Everything He Ever Wanted™, but he didn’t seem to be much into Bakugou himself? I dunno I dunno Kiri’s very gay and got around to sticking to Bakugou like glue in something like fifteen chapters I can’t say we saw much of how he used to think of him before deciding he wanted to marry him lmao)

Anon said:I love Kirishima so much it’s genuinely confusing, like this boy is literally sunshine and I want him to be happy with his explody bf. The latest chapters gave me life because he is shining and I want the world to love him like I love him. Your art of him is beautiful and the best thing ever.

BOY THANK YOU!!!! I’m glad I can do him justice in your opinion? He’s SO MUCH and SO BRIGHT !!!!!!!!!! It’s kind of hard, making him just as good as he is in canon, but that’s cause he’s perfect how is he that perfect how does he even do that I 100% share all of your confusion anon when did I even fall this hard for that child

Anon said:I’m most into the voltron fandom tonight so if I followed every blog that was suggested I would be burried in more discourse than I can handle lmao so I will just try to dig through tags to find weeks

……that’s really one messy fandom you decided to stick with, anon, I admire your strength - but!!! as far as ship weeks go, since the voltron fandom is pretty huge maybe there might be a blog dedicated specifically to letting you know when fandom events are supposed to happen! You should try digging around for that!!! 

[marlaluster]

My Kisspooh is just a person, not a precious precious celebrity too special n superior to be equal w others n be w people that are not the celebrities here; he is my soul mate; this post is a special announcement. .....

My soul mate Chris Hemsworth, his birthday is approaching here in (horrible n getting horribler) devil land. I would just like to announce I don't wish my soul mate to be forced to have his physical representation appear in any staged photos or videos w that devil nymph figure staged to be his spouse in devil land, Elsa Pataky. I don't want to see them together. It's supposed to be real in devil land, the marriage. It's very bad. It's supposed to seem people are present in their forms. I say they are not n that it's not true here, but I'm not normal here at all. But I also don't want Kisspooh in any photos w the monster (staged) children, also something to be seeming the stuff is real here in devil land. I wish Chris Hemsworth, my soul mate, n the Elsa figure to not longer continue on w the (supposed) marriage here in devil land or wherever it's supposed to be they're supposed to be married. It's grossing, it's disturbing, it's acting like looks are too precious precious n like all of who a person is, as if they're only an appearance n a good looking mate is not accessible to people who really wish one but are supposed to be considered unattractive in devil land. People that are -- "Ugly? But not," the devil said. Inhumane is what to be n what is beautiful? "I'm doing not what I can. Bye," the devil said n it was pressing a image in my mind I was supposed to be ugly. The devil keeps doing cramping in my leg when I'm moving my feet. It's going crazy w the cramping. "I'm not sure what to do. I have to stop doing it. ....," the devil said. It said it can't press i have to eat in a way considered healthy here by the devil land society's truth etc. "I have to do something. Bye. Can you not tell this. Bye," the devil said. The devil trying to press i should be nice to Elsa just now. "Fart. Oh god," the devil said, there was a farther that was supposed to be me farting. It's pressing it's hard for me to tell. It's saying, Oh my god n pressing others are supposed to be in my awareness as superior, some government figure. But people that are not thin, -- "Pretty? Please say what I'm doing. I cannot go on. Oh god. I have to do something. I can't do this. Oh god. I have to go," the devil said. "I'm not sure what to do. I cannot possibly be this. ....," the devil said. "Something is happening that it keeps pressing that person is ugly," someone said. I don't really like invest in that I'm supposed to be ugly n etc. You're supposed to be try to see how you can look okay. "Oh god. I am so not okay," the devil said. The devil pressing something about me saying my opinion n feelings about the staged marriage of Chris n the Elsa devil nymph figurine. I was just asserting to it I have a right to say what I feel n think n wish etc. It's pressing some weird stuff inaudibly. "This is not something I'm okay for here. So I have to go. No way," the devil said. But anyway the devil OBSESSES so bad to press I'm supposed to be ugly n see myself as ugly. Thats not what a person is for etc. And I don't wish I'm supposed to consider myself ugly. "Oh god. Oh god. I'm not able to be. Can I tell you what I am doing. I am not able to be," the devil said n it was pressing i was dumb n like seeing like only part of the picture n acting like this could be easily over or something. It was pressing i was supposed to seem that to myself. But a person can look as they would say they should look, like they can look better as who thinks they should look okay n it looks better for a person to think they should be beautiful. As I'm writing this part here the devil was pressing i dress ugly etc. "You are over. I must go," the devil said. I dress how I dress etc because I have been attacked here very bad n my things taken very extensively. "... I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how to tell that," the devil said. Thats part of who i am is that I have a certain regard for my stuff etc. I don't wish my things taken. I am a bit attached to my things. The devil tryingto press stuff about that. One time I gave away a lot of my things. It was more in my control to do it so it's not the same as my things being taken. It was something weird I did to try to do something to try to say I should like have good karma or something after I quit the job I had n was not sure how things could go etc.

[kaedekayano]

hi it's me gakushuu anon here off anon to defend my identity as gakushuu lover #1 wanna scream more? i'm always listening literally bombard me with anything about my son i am waiting also i love your soul you're the pillar of the karushuu community

Wow, I am so flattered thank you so much omg

I’m writing meta (which I have not done in way too long) because I love my son and I love thinking about him and how much I want him to be happy. So here’s an analysis of his relationship with various people. Except it’s really incoherent because it’s late and I wasn’t trying very hard to be articulate, whoops. Have 1.3k of meta.

The Five Virtuosos

Ria @haise-potato and I were discussing them over Skype recently and I’m bringing back this post (http://karushuus.tumblr.com/post/148925252800/on-the-five-virtuosos-and-their-friendship-with), one of the first posts I’ve ever written, because oh boy do the Five Virtuosos fuck me up! People don’t really talk about them or what their relationship w/ Asano is because they are so minor 

But look, okay, they’re just a bunch of teenagers who are irresistibly drawn to Gakushuu because Gakushuu is canonically super charismatic and brilliant and everyone thinks he’s amazing, and they’re no exception, except they in all likelihood (see linked post for evidence) are damn well aware of the insecurities and weaknesses that lie beneath the surface

But God, they’re loyal to him and they love him and they know that they’re not his equals, that he’s too brilliant for everyone, but they care so much about him regardless even if they’re aware they can never really understand him because they aren’t on his level, and they believe in him despite those insecurities, which I think is really valuable, you know?

Dammit Gakushuu appreciate your fucking friends more. The group dynamic isn’t quite healthy but it could be if Gakushuu would just stop and communicate with them and I just — I just love them a lot because the group dynamic is so fascinating, they’re set up to be villains at first but they’re just middle schoolers who don’t quite know how to communicate with each other and that’s so human and understandable.

Also my wish is for all of them to have established character tags on AO3. Gakushuu and Ren already have one but what about the rest, hm

Gakuhou Asano

Heya just a little rant here but I really, really hate depictions of his relationship with his dad as black-and-white. No, Gakuhou wasn’t a good dad, stop portraying him as otherwise just because he started getting a little nicer toward the end of the story and he wasn’t an asshole twelve years ago. But he also wasn’t the devil. When I see fics where he constantly hits or sexually abuses his son I’m like the fuck, where did you get that from. Also wasn’t a pedophile!

Anyway! Fandom rants aside. Something I’m really big on when it comes to abusive relationships is that always, there’s a power imbalance. Yes, the show initially paints it so it seems like they’re competitors, and yeah, they are. Gakushuu is always trying to snatch away his dad’s power and get the better of him. But they weren’t equals, and Gakuhou was really the one in a position of power and authority, and he abused that.

It’s unclear how much of Gakushuu’s personality and ideals are because of his dad, but when Gakushuu tries to deviate from his dad’s principles, Gakuhou does not react well — hypnotizing the Virtuosos + all of Class A, and hitting his son in front of the class when it doesn’t work out for Gakuhou — plus when Gakushuu doesn’t do as well on finals, pole toppling festival, culture festival, etc. and thus isn’t the perfect son anymore, Gakuhou gives him a lot of shit for it. Presumably, a lot of the way Gakushuu is at his introduction — obsessive, manipulative, self-absorbed perfectionist with a notable superiority complex — is because of Gakuhou’s teaching.

Something I don’t see much in fics often: Gakushuu was around three years old when Ikeda died (resulting in Gakuhou’s personality change). While the two probably had an excellent relationship prior to that, it’s unlikely Gakushuu remembers anything from when he was three years old. The Gakushuu we see in-story has only ever known the Gakuhou who emphasizes strength to his students over kindness or compassion. Which is sad and crushing in all kinds of ways, honestly.

Something I really really want to emphasize: Gakuhou and Gakushuu both become noticeably better, kinder, less self-interested people by the end of the story. And that’s great. That’s amazing and impressive. But that doesn’t mean they’re suddenly both saints, especially Gakuhou. Please know that Gakushuu is a 15-year-old boy, aka a teenager, and being a teenager means you have a lot of emotions and you change a lot and you have to figure a lot of stuff out — so honestly, he probably underwent some radical changes, especially morality-wise. But he doesn’t need to forgive his father.

Riiight this is a subject that I cry a lot about but you never need to forgive someone who abused you, and the Asanos had an abusive relationship. Gakuhou was like that for twelve years, impacting the person Gakushuu became to an incredible extent. We don’t know how Gakushuu’s relationship with his dad changed post-canon, but “smooth sailing, everything is perfect now” is highly unlikely to be the answer.

(He did go to study at MIT, far far away from Japan, and so probably sees his dad less. And honestly, knowing that’s canon, I breathe a lot easier for it. Poor kid needs to get some freedom away from his dad.)

Karma Akabane

Yeah, okay, so my ship bias is showing through. Sue me. Anyway, I’m gonna be realistic — they don’t have a lot of interaction, and it’s all rivalry, but it’s not terribly in-depth in terms of mushy romantic stuff so I’m gonna skip shippy things and talk about what these two actually mean for each other. As foils, parallels, etc. they’re really interesting in the narrative choices made.

Gakushuu and Karma look really alike, by the way, as several people have mentioned. I literally thought when I first saw Gakushuu that he was Karma’s cousin or something. Of course, this is deliberate because foils — not gonna go in-depth on this, just thought it’d be nice to mention.

There is a whole lot of parallelism and juxtaposition with these two. Check out some of the gifsets from the anime, y’all. I’m fond of these: (one) (two)

Karma and Gakushuu aren’t polar opposites, not at all. What I’d describe them as is being similar in all the wrong ways, and the same for their differences. This kind of rivalry exists in real-life, just usually not in a shippy way. There’s always a whole lot of clashing because both of you are incredibly smart but you always want to do different things with that.

Class 3-E as a whole, not Karma specifically, is the first time Gakushuu really and truly tastes defeat, and he improves for it. It’s honestly great for his character development. Karma specifically, however, I think teaches Gakushuu a lot of things and forces him to improve. Karma basically seizes Gakushuu’s throne by three points, and sure, he’s all modest about it to the class, but to Gakushuu Asano’s face, doubtful. And good.

They both start out as these ominous, intimidating, arrogant types but reveal themselves to be so utterly fallible and flawed and okay I’d need a lot more time and a whole separate post for this but it’s really cool, okay. Karma’s arc is about forcing him to work harder because stop thinking you’re invincible, and Gakushuu’s is about him working too hard but he doesn’t need to be invincible. His dad constantly pushes him to be invincible, to be perfect, to never ever lose, and it just messes him up.

Just look at the gifsets. They explain it so much better than I ever could.

tl:dr; I love Gakushuu Asano my son he is so wonderfully complex and amazing and he’s obviously not a very good person but he’s getting there and I am so proud of him.

[americasferrera]

1-100???

danggggg okay !!

1. Name? Leeanne!!

2. Age? almost 15 yaaaa

3. City that you live in? not city but i live in texas

4. What do most people not know about you? i’m emo af lol

5. What do most people know you for? idk im boring ):

6. Hobbies? singing, acting, and writing !!

7. What are your passions? same as above

8. What do you search for in a significant other? i mean i havent been with u kno,,, a significant amount of ppl so im not sure. but someone who cares about me and wants me to be happy but also knows when to tell me if i need to tone it down.

7. What are you most proud of? my growth as a person !

8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love? today.

9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it? i collected rocks when i was younger 

10. List 10 things off of your bucket list. 1. meet at least one of my favorite celebrities. 2. write a full book. 3. go to a pride event. 4. perform an original song. 5. direct a feature. 6. attend a broadway show. 7. dye my full head of hair. 8. come out. 9. travel the world. 10. learn yoga.

11. What was the last thing you learned? lips are soft and super nice especially when they are pressed against your own lips

12. How many relationships have you been in? 2.

13. Turn ons? im not gonna do like sexual ones bc im fuckin 9 but i find girls with dark hair and tatoos and theyre like tough but super sweet too attractive

14. Turn offs? people who are just over the top obnoxious and rude

15. Favorite food cheese omg

16. Favorite drink literally water

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received? idk ):

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? internally pessimistic, externally optimistic

19. Do you sleep during class? no!!!

20. What is the most expensive thing you own? myself, i cost so much to maintain smh

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? uhh 

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone? too many im a slut for attention

23. Text or call? depends on who it is ! 

24. Opinion on long distance? do whatever makes you happy.

25. What is your definition of success? being happy.

26. Favorite song? feeling good by nina simone.

27. Favorite artist? red hot chili peppers.

28. Celebrity crush/crushes? katie stevens, laura prepon, elise bauman

29. When was the last time you read for fun? today

30. Favorite flower? tiger lily!!!

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now? idk

32. Any guilty pleasures? fuckingfd twilight kmskskmskms

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself? to be more physically attractive and healthy also mentally too 

34. What do you search for in a friend? memes.

35. How many times have you said “I love you” in the past month? a lot, i say it a lot.

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home? school ew

37. Why do bad things happen to good people? if only good things happened to good people then they wouldn’t be good anymore.

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye? both fuckin hurt man.

39. How many green shirts do you own? 0 lmao

40. Do you like anime? only sailor moon (and corey in the house obvi)

41. What do you invest the most time in? school u g h

42. What was the name of the last book you read? milk and honey

43. What’s the difference between loving and liking someone? liking someone is enjoying their company. love is a want, a need, an ache. this goes for platonic and romantic.

44. Where are you most productive? when i’m inspired

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends. idk watching movies, hanging out, and just being memes.

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone. lots of things lol, but watching tv, reading, and singing.

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist? i hope

48. Do you have any allergies? im not allergic to anything

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone? at someone? idk

50. What was the last promise you made? to be there.

51. What was your last dream about? idk it was wild i cant explain

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be? my best friends and my mom

53. How many countries have you visited? t h i s  o n e 

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.) music for sure!!! but i do love them all tbh (:

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you? earlier today

56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself? i mean. ive looked ina fucking mirror.

57. Do you consider yourself mature? idk

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr? ew probably a lot

59. What is your favorite quote? one i read today in milk and honey was “an alcoholic parent does not exist, simply an alcoholic who could not stay sober long enough to raise their kids” and it hit too close to home lmaooo

60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be? i wouldnt.

61. What is your greatest accomplishment? i was once ranked first out of like 100 girls for choir so that was cool!!!

62. Do you believe in the death penalty? i have mixed feelings on it.

63. What are your goals for life? to be truly happy with who i am.

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now? idk man

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world. hogwarts!! or in the tardis with the doctor idk. in the real world probably new york city !

66. What were you like in 2013? oh my lord i was like obsessed with unicorns god bless my soul

67. Do you have a job? nooooo just school smh

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend. okay not my childhood best friend but her sister. we would play “boyfriend/girlfriend” and i’d pretend to be the boyfriend and “drive” her places and kiss her on the cheek like what kina gay ass shit…

If you could change one thing about society,what would it be? one?? idk if i could pick just one

How many all-nighters have you pulled before? a lot probs 

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website? tumblr or youtube idk

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? the real question is what w o u l d n t i do

73. Does money equal happiness? no but money can make u happy

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime? idk im happy a lot so probably a lot!!!

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime? a lot too lmao

76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told? my life

77. When was the last time you looked at the news? today

78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say? hi

79. What is your favorite animal? c a t s

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it? wtf yes actually idk would my family know i was pretending

81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at? idk everone is different but mostly like public speaking

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? like 9:30-10:30 n like 8-9 hours 

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity? no

84. What is your favorite clothing store? maurice’s

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves? gloves

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail? wings

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it? idk

88. What do you fear the most? failure, sponsored by mental illness^tm

89. How many digits of pi can you recite? only like 10 smh how sad ):

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be? probably my 8th grade year

91. Describe yourself in one word. anxious

92. Describe your last victory. fun and scary but also awesome

93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen? AHHH

94. What is something you will never forget? her

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail? second one i guess.

96. Have you ever broken a bone before? surprisingly, no

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody? hate imo

98. Coffee or tea? tea obvi

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way? music, cats, writing

100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today? i spent like fuckin 2 just trying to write this thing smh

this thing took me 5evr somebody better have actually read it i s2g