#god why am i spending my time making these shits... ?
Text
Rings of Power Recap - Season 2, Episode 6
Orc #1: All I wanted was to settle quietly in a suburb of Mordor.
Orc #2: You still can.
Orc #3: Put a downpayment on an ox…
Orc #1: Get a warg puppy for the wee ones…
Arondir: Nope.
—
Passing Mouse: You look like you’ve been subsisting on pizza, but apparently it’s all scrap metal?
Assistants: Good point. Lord Celebrimbor?
Celebrimbor: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow… Creeps at this petty pace from day to day…
Mirdania: Shall we order some pizza, my lord?
Celebrimbor: Who the fuck are you?
Sauron: Perhaps you should stop spending the food budget on Red Bull and vodka.
—
Eregion Citizens: Lord Celebrimbor!
Sauron: I’m taking over. What’s up, citizens?
City Guards: The only inbound traffic has been dead bodies covered in foreign graffiti.
Sauron: All is well. You are getting very sleepy.
Mirdania: I don’t feel sleepy. Your new dress is making me very awake indeed.
Sauron: Don’t worry, we’ll get you one just like it.
—
Orc Daddy: We both love-hate Sauron. Friends forever?
Galadriel: You are the only one who understands.
Orc Daddy: Look, I got you fresh produce and everything.
Galadriel: Aw. You’re really trying.
Orc Daddy: What’s new in your world?
Galadriel: *full disclosure of elven state secrets*
Orc Daddy: You know how Sauron makes you feel seen and understood, and then you give him what he wants, and then he totally fucks you over?
Galadriel: Uh-huh…
Orc Daddy: I did mention he was my leader and teacher for centuries, right?
Galadriel: What’s Black Speech for “fuck my life”?
—
Elendil: Traitor!
Pharazon: Takes one to know one.
Elendil: The Valar will show who’s right.
Pharazon: Brilliant idea.
—
Homeless Wizard: What episode is it?
Tom Bombadil: Episode 6, why?
Homeless Wizard: Does time flow differently in Rhûn? My plot feels like it hasn’t moved in months.
Tom Bombadil: Fine. Here’s the next bit. Betray your friends or doom the world.
Homeless Wizard: Suddenly I miss when you were just forcing me to bathe.
—
Poppy’s Love Life: *occurs*
—
King Durin: Look who’s here!
Prince Durin: Annatar. You look… asymmetrical.
Sauron: What can I give you for more mithril? Timber? Grain? Eregion’s finest virgins every full moon?
Prince Durin: I need a shower just talking to you.
King Durin: I am knee deep in all the virgins I could possibly want.
Balrog, via Fire Zoom Call: Cousin! Missed ya, where you been?
Sauron: Spent a millennium as evil goo. Not my best moment.
Balrog: Sworn enemies?
Sauron: Disloyal minions.
Balrog: Gets you every time.
King Durin: *taking notes* Watch out… for disloyal… minions…
—
Disa: Is he still…
Prince Durin: He’s worse.
Disa: I hear the League of Disloyal Minions is looking for new members.
Prince Durin: He’s my Dad. I can’t do it.
Disa: Who do you fear more, me or him?
Prince Durin: Tough call, but frankly, you.
—
Pharazon: We’re gonna feed you to the Sea Wyrm.
Elendil: I’ll take that over your company.
Miriel: Over my dead body. I mean it literally.
Guards: Incoming!
Eldritch Marine Horror: I’m hangry.
Miriel: I am the rightful monarch of Numenor.
Eldritch Marine Horror: For fuck’s sake. This used to be a normal ocean. Now it’s crawling with the cosmically significant. Is there at least a fish and chips?
Pharazon: We can hook you up with some gumbo.
Crowd: MI-RI-EL!
Giant Eagle: My god, they are fickle here.
—
Eregion Citizens: Oh shit. Orcs. Many.
Sauron: Celebrimbor! Chop fucking chop! I can’t move this whole forge into a trebuchet projectile shelter now, can I? You wanted the world’s tallest tower and now you work in the world’s easiest target!
Celebrimbor: This is the point in our relationship where I normalise physical violence.
Sauron: Baby, I thought you’d never ask.
—
Hallucinatory Eregion Citizens: What a fine sunny day we are having in the middle of the night.
Clock tower: *strikes thirteen*
Sauron: Asking nicely for the last time: make the fucking rings. Here’s your grandpa’s hammer. Go get ‘em, tiger, etc.
Celebrimbor: Rings… Gotta make some rings…
Sauron: Servants! New case of Red Bull and some Zero Age tequila! Let's party like it's 1999!
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something
#kazoo noises#like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt#make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the#even bother to respond#like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig#or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done#nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i#can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader#work for me even when it doesnt want to#and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky#to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here#sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting#god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go#over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
me, veins popping out of forehead, teeth gritted with rage as I watch Marnie stand in front of her microwave for three hours instead of taking five minutes to sell me some hay for my starving animals: wow Stardew Valley is so.... fun and relaxing......
#lowkey hilarious that concernedape added a book you can buy to use her shop whenever#LIKE BRO WHY DID YOU MAKE HER SCHEDULE SO INFURIATING IN THE FIRST PLACE#and if you talk to her she'll be like 'did you need something :)?'#YES MARNIE I FUCKING NEED SOMETHING I NEED YOU TO SELL ME SOME HAY#also the catalogue is pretty useless bc by the time you get it its like. you basically have everything you need already#but thats just my experience#concernedape: im going to make an npc schedule so infuriating#sdv#also for some reason it just ignites volcanic rage to watch not only marnie but also robin just blithely walk past you standing at the till#to go to jazzercise or whatever#LIKE I AM 100% OF YOUR INCOME I THINK YOU COULD SPARE FIVE MINUTES#everyone talks shit about Pierre but at least when you finish the community center he's open 7 days a week lmao#and at least when hes closed on Wednesday hes CLOSED. so you dont spend god knows how long standing there waiting#just for him to swan past you like you aren't there -_-#pierre i appreciate your clearly posted schedule.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long
#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally#not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously#making strides towards regular person sanity#and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS#I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and#won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you#like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than#you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry#like god#she just doesn’t fucking get it#I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one#when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever#severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now#but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back#off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to#god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult#and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me#she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it#okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax#we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun#we’re not going to argue about this again.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
god i am missing my pirates so much
#i saw a post about what makes a good king and it reminded me of the themesTM i have for the pirate story#vincent having to learn that a good leader doesnt make a good person#meeting andre for the first time hits him with that initial blast of “good leader??? but bad person????”#because he witnesses first hand how well the crew works w andre as captain but also andres a pirate! he cant be a good person!!#but that worldview gets justified the longer they spend because then he believes andre Is a good person so it makes sense he can lead#but like. little by little seeing all of the different types of leaders there are and that world view starting to shift and oh shit#is my dad a good person????#am *I* a good person?????#this is why vincent cant succeed the throne at the end of the story ok#(aside from the fact hes 11 lmfao)#hes learned so much about politics and how to lead from the people around him and hes Good at it but he needs to figure out what his morals-#-are first#vincent hayes#ramblings#GOD i miss my pirates
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
come the fuck on man.
#Why are you getting mad at me for getting up to take a fucking piss. what am i supposed to do. piss in my fucking bed????#red rambles#'you have to try to get some sleep' yeah thats why im pissing. because I was laying in bed and i had to piss and i got to the point where i#needed to use the bathroom. have you ever tried to fucking sleep before man.#like come ON. how is this Fucking helpful. what do you fucking expect me to do here#next time ill go piss outside or something i fucking guess. because that'll be less likely to net me a fucking lecture. i fucking guess#god i hate it here. this shit makes it Actively Harder for me to just go to bed at a reasonable hour#because I spend so much time planning out my every move to avoid a goddamn lecture#that i cant just fucking go to bed
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
#can’t sleep. feel sick. feel empty and sad all the time. say i’m lonely and then purposely avoid talking to people#like genuinely. wtf is my problem dude??#i feel so tired and let down by everyone and everything all of the time and it’s like?#shit ain’t even that bad in the grand scheme of things. but I really still just wish I could get a ‘break for once’#why am I so stuck on the ideas of certain people who will never be the way that they were when I actually knew them#and why can’t I just be upfront with people about how I feel. so many ppl think so highly of me for Who Tf Knows Why Honestly#and it’s like. for the love of god please just go find someone else because I Promise you that I’m not going to magically fall in love +#+ with you someday. I have too many fucking problems as it is that I couldn’t even stay with my lady gf for more than a few months#why can’t I just get my shut together Jesus is it really that hard??#if I’m tired and sad then why do I stay up? why wouldn’t I just go to sleep. all I’m doing by staying awake is making myself feel WORSE#and I already feel bad enough as it is. everyone is moving forward with their lives and I’m just sitting here#No fucking clue what I’m doing. no one to talk to. i swear all I want is a good hug sometimes and I can’t even fucking get that#how hard is it to just ask someone for a hug and I can’t do even that??#please tell me I figure my shit out soon and learn to talk to other people because I’m so tired of forcing myself to be so alone all th#e time. i spend so much time awake at night and for what? so I can just make myself feel sad and lonely and anxious?#yeah well I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being awake and alone and not having anyone to talk to because I push everyone away
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
that feeling when you hear about a type of traumatic experience and you can tell your brain is kind of sensationalizing it because there's been times you went through trauma and just saw it as an everyday thing that happened right along side going to the grocery store and getting the mail and normal situations like that. like you can't conceptualize this other traumatic experience that other people have gone through being part of their normal. so you do more research. and go "oh this is familiar/i've dealt with something like that. just not as bad. well...it was just as bad but....it was just kind of.....normal...."
#whenever i have trouble accepting that a type of torture or abuse is real it's because i lived it and just didn't know#people make documentaries about this shit#and it was just my normal tuesday???#like why am i surprised i literally have People In Brain disorder#it is so difficult to translate the sensationalized versions of traumas into real life because you're like well that happens to me but then#i just ate cereal afterwards so it can't be the same#and then you listen to people who actually experienced it and they go 'and then i just ate cereal afterwards'#and you go 'oh'#AND THEN FINDING THAT EXPERIENCE IN PARTS OF YOUR LIFE THAT WERENT THE 'MAIN' TRAUMA INDUCERS#dear god#like yeah yeah my parents are bad again nothing new#oh my roommate is bad😳#oh#oh my summer camp was bad😳#oh some of my teachers were bad😳#so#so when i escaped my main trauma inducers#the trauma was still happening to me anyway#oh okay#okay#i just#i need to go vomit real quick#don't get me started on finding out you're still actively in trauma#like oh i am back in the building again#fucking again#i spend a lot of time thinking about how childhood trauma survivors grow up and escape right back into the same type of traumas#it's the most unfair thing in the world and happens so incredibly easily like i didn't even have a chance#by jove i will escape this wheel#i want me and my brain people to be happy#handmadeorganicpost
1 note
·
View note
Text
Bro my apartment people Did send a message and I hadn't noticed it bc I was too focused on the one they sent after about the lease renewal 😭😭😭 so not only is my apartment a mess but I also was fully told they were coming. I just didn't notice it bc I have Shit Brain Disease!!! Funnily enough, it's the thing I'm supposed to be getting medication for, but! Guess I can't get it just yet!!!!!!!
#speculation nation#person at the clinic advised me to ask around different pharmacies to see if any of them had them in stock#starting with the cvs and seeing if they could get that info themselves#so i called cvs. had to leave a fucking voice mail. we'll see when they get back to me.#im embarrassed about my apartment and for talking so big about not alerting me when they Did alert me. i just didnt notice#and im frustrated about this stupid medication shortage thats preventing me from getting the shit that would make my life easier#guys im just so tired of it all. why am i playing life on fucking hard mode. it's not fair.#i wanted the adhd meds to make it easier for me to Do Things. so maybe my apartment wont be a fucking pig sty#and so maybe i could do my homework without it taking an immense amount of effort and time.#every fucking time i sit down to do work i have to wrangle my own brain to get it to Focus. and im not always successful#even when im successful it takes extra effort and time that someone without adhd wouldnt have to spend.#i just want. to live life a little easier. and i cant fucking do that!!!!! bc it's fucking Delayed!!!!!!#god im so embarrassed about my apartment. i was hiding it behind being pissed off. but now im extra embarrassed.#maybe today i can try to get the bags and trash up at least. i dont fucking know.#i still have the essay exam to do though. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh#i hate. all of this. i hate All of this. im so fucking SICK!!!!!! OF ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i just want to be able to clean without it feeling like nails on chalkboard!!!!! i want to be able to write!!!!!!#writing! something i love! i still cant fucking DO it unless the stars align in both mentality and physicality#this just fucking SUCKS#negative/
0 notes
Text
Garlic powder is actually the best spice dude
#I put it in my ramen and it makes it taste a lot better#I also like adding cheese to it and like privet spices idk#we’ve kinda had the same spices for a few months I wanna get more but idk what we’d get#god I’m fucking miserable why the fuck am I talking about ramen spiced#who the fuck even cares who the hell is fucking here who even reads this shit#why would someone fucking read about me talking about how I make ramen or what the fuck ever I need to keep more shit in my fucking head#what the fuck am I fucking doing is this seriously how I spend my fucking time putting my goddamn brain out there for everyone to fucking re#as because I have nothing else to do in my fucking pathetic fucking life what the fuck is wrong with me#no one fucking cares why do I fucking try so much#I can barely hear myself now I think I’m the only one trying to listen that can’t be that bad#why am I always the only one at home I don’t want to be like this I don’t want to wait for something to happen every day I don’t want to spe#nd all day in my room I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t want to keep doing this to myself what the fuck is wrong with me
0 notes
Text
hmmmm. Sad
#I feel like I should have progressed more as an artist already#this is literally just bc I’m comparing myself to other people and how fast they’ve improved which I know is a bad idea#but I’m so frustrated bc like#ugh#I’m too autistic for this shit idk lOL#like not even in an internalized ableism way or anything like im mostly joking#like I’m pretty sure any artists im comparing myself to might be autistic themselves anyway#I’m literally just that go and break your ankle in a beautiful cave to explain why you didn’t live up to your full potential post#idk I was having a moment where I was feeling more confident about my art#and I am like I am seeing improvement in the direction I want#like I’m GOOD at learning things#I just suck at knowing what thing to learn and spend enermous amounts of time and effort on#so I’ll get good at things that are distracted from the Thing that I want to be rlly good at cause I get confuseddd#I am less confused now BUT I am annoyed#idk people suck at explaining how to become a good story artist#and I’ve only had like one teacher explain it good and it is so funny bc#he was literally like yeha just fuckin do more storyboards stop prioritizing life drawing#like yeah still do it but#he was like yeah literally where are your storyboards#LOL#my god#and then it’s taken me like 3-4 years to finally fucking make storyboards I like#and finished#like after I was told that#like holy fuck#I know I had it rough but holy fuck I’m so annoyed about that
0 notes
Text
Paris Valerian but i redesign his dragon form for funsies based on how i see him=. Not sure if I like this design bc im not a fan of bulkier looking dragons but for Paris I think this works??
Some headcanons about this design:
has a bit of a bull-like look bc I associate bulls with persistence and madness and idk that fits Paris well so if Fian has a “fox” motif Paris gets a “bull” one for his dragon form
His design is based a lot on how a stereotypically evil dragon would look???? Because imo OG!Paris reads as a massive antagonist and I think giving him a look that fits that vibe in his dragon form works!! Especially because he still is an antagonist in a way (though god does he not read that way lmao)
he’s stronger in his dragon form than Fian is and he uses this to his advantage to bully Fian around whenever they playfight as dragons. That said, it seems Paris is surprisingly gentle towards Fian in this form and never hurts him.
he uses this form to intimidate people into getting what he wants. He’s not used to getting retaliated against while in this form and quickly respects anyone who does so (read: Fian, Lyla and Helene)
the silver scales on his body can glow in the same way his eyes do. Typically, he keeps them dull-colored (see above) but if he feels a strong emotion of any sorts they’ll glow brightly without him meaning to (noticeably: they glow constantly whenever Helene is around for obvious reasons~).
#it hurts to see the person you like cry. but you wouldn't understand-#that Paris#TME#TME art#Paris being weak for Fian is so canon it's literally joked about more than once that they're unnaturally close to each other#i wish the manhwa/LN would elucidate more on the instinctive (and clearly qpt) bond dragons share with each other#and why that bond was overridden in the original story by each dragon's obsession with Helene when they'd yet to imprint on her#man i still remember reading about how Paris felt utterly alone once he awakened as a dragon and Fian coming into his life made him so happ#i still get teary over that passage in particular ahgjgjfgjjh that part of Paris's backstory hits where it hurts lmao#i also really wish the manhwa had included that about Paris because it really fleshed him out knowing that it wasn't that he bonded w/ Fian#that changed him but that he finally FINALLY had someone else who could understand him that made him happier in life and chill TF out#if you pair info given about Paris in the light novel with what's given about his manhwa self he's an amazingly well done character#like ive literally gone from thinking him cringe + unlikable to being deeply invested in and sympathetic to his character#also fun fact i find the idea of Paris and Fian playfighting as dragons really fucking cute#it's not in any way canon (well it kind of is actually lol) but i like hc'ing that awakened dragons need to spend social time together in-#their dragon forms doing shit like playfighting or resting together in order to live happier lives#and unfortunately this kind of qpt relationship is not understood by humans/mermaids/mages hence why Paris went absolutely mad pre-Fian bc#no one around him was capable of understanding the desperation he felt to fill the void in his heart and unfortunately he turned to Helene-#to fill that void to the point he went insane over her to the point he tried to completely monopolize her as a means to salvage himself#(which understandably pisses Helene off in the og timeline to the point it's no wonder she rejects him lmao)#and now that in Lyla's timeline Paris has gotten someone in his life who understands him and fills the void in his heart#he's more than capable of empathizing with Helene and seeing her as a person he wants to genuinely learn more about even if he can't quite-#shake his obsessive tendencies towards her#(which is really really REALLY fun to watch and i hope to see more development from his character)#(because i really do want him to reflect on Fian's words of when it comes to Helene)#(not that I think Helene would ever cry in front of him bc of him but she might do so because of Lyla)#(and god do i wanna see Paris eat his words about finding Fian's romantic-ness corny lmao)#yes i very much can write a whole-ass essay of a character study on Paris he's wildly fascinating#and he's so NOT my type which makes it even funnier that im as fixated on him as i am right now
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
celeste-9
Sin título
inconvenience-s
lil' illusion machine
lafilledusamourai
down in the forest we'll sing a chorus.
lil-keems-hiphop-me
Untitled
opelgangg
Joonas