#goffredo doing his best

[ffffinalizer]

tell me goffredo, exactly how much thought did you put into being mrs. thomas cardinal lawrence to be able to come to this conclusion

[conclaveyaoi]

I love Thomas Lawrence and at the same time in a potential conclave catholic high school AU I would write him as the type of person I'd have cursed at mentally if I had been in school with him. Best friend and in love with the boy who's bullied the most (Aldo) and often at the cafeteria table with the other three bullied gay nerds (Aldo - chess club president; Giulio and Ray - theatre club), he's also the one to go "I know Goffredo humilliated us all but I don't want to get involved, let's not say anything" and "I just want everyone to get along with everyone".

this seemingly charismatic merry-go-round nature makes him the only nerd that the jocks/popular guys (Goffredo, Joshua and Joseph, they would probably call themselves a silly thing like The Triumvirate) say hi to in class, always because they are interested in copying his assignment and know how hard of a time he has saying no. especially when he was younger he used to believe in every excuse they gave as to why they didn't do their homework. Aldo who's also in love with him gets mad every time he sees Thomas being taken advantage of, stands up for him just to get scoffed and threatened in response while Thomas looks down to the floor, waiting for the situation to end (naturally this is for a home-situation reason, a classic coping mechanism).

everyone in the friend group is secretly like "find a spine, Thomas" except for Aldo who has seen Thomas preventing him from getting beaten up and went home that day to jerk off insanely over that "quiet shout" Thomas has. even I sometimes when thinking about conclave have this knee-jerk "find a spine, Thomas" reaction but then OH, he does show his very existent spine and it's glorious. the intelligence of a social chameleon with the anger of "I had enough of this. you were right, it is a war and I don't want them to win. what do we do?". someone check on Aldo, he might faint.

this was not a work in progress when I started this post

[hexxxcapades]

i need to blabber about my animal choices for when i doodled some of the Conclave characters as animals here

Sister Agnes -- Domestic Shorthair Cat

I felt a cat suited Sister Agnes's energy (quiet, watchful, unwilling to interfere until the pivotal point, where she strikes and aims true) well. I considered using a rabbit for her (docility, humility, etc.) but rabbits are typically perceived as agitated/anxious, which is the opposite of what she is. Her breed is nonspecific, but I drew heavily from the British shorthair, and I plan to make her markings emulate Siamese or Burmese cats.

Cardinal Tedesco -- Domestic Longhair Cat

Like Agnes, I didn't want to label Goffredo as a particular cat breed (I think it would be interesting if belonging to a particular "pure" breed is some kind of socioeconomic marker, but that's another conversation), though it's pretty obvious that he appears to have a good bit of Maine Coon in him. I chose this breed because of its somewhat imposing/imperious appearance, though they are purportedly "gentle giants" (which Goffredo is....definitely not). It's pretty obvious that he wields his appearance---the full cardinal regalia, the golden pectoral cross, etc.---as a tool to establish dominance, so it seemed fitting to model him after this breed.

Cardinal Bellini -- Greyhound

I chose the greyhound more so for the appearance than anything else. They're lean, wiry, and elegant in appearance. However, I do think there could be some parallels between their temperaments/breed traits and Aldo. For example, intelligence = self-explanatory, laziness = Aldo's unwillingness to take decisive action, non-confrontative nature = Aldo talking shit about Goffredo behind his back but never quite facing him head-on, independence/introvertism = Aldo's failure to win over his fellow members of the Curia, and so on.

Cardinal Lawrence -- Border Collie

While watching this movie with a friend, we both remarked on how Thomas's taciturn demeanor just seems like a really thin veil for deep-seated anxiety/agitation. Where Aldo is kind of outwardly neurotic, Thomas directs it all inward. He's giving working dog breed that is both severely overstimulated and severely understimulated at once, and is thus thinking about gnawing his own leg off 24/7. Someone get him a chew toy or something, damn. Also, herding dog as the manager of the sheep?? As the guardian of the lamb of God?? The symbolism is just too good to pass up.

Cardinal Benitez -- Goat

Initially, I was thinking something like rabbit, possum, or perhaps even a bat---all diminutive and meek/shy animals. But in the end, I went with a goat (breed nonspecific again), just because something appealed to me about the imagery of a lamb of God, just...slightly to the left. A prayer answered, but not in the way one might expect. Also, just like Vincent, goats tend to be hardy and have a strong stubborn streak. One of his horns is broken---a very visible marker of the hard circumstances he has experienced. He's the first bovid (mammal belonging to the cow/sheep/goat family) to be elected Pope. This mirrors Cardinal Adeyemi, too, who I plan to make some sort of West African cattle breed. Racial/national divisions aren't easy to represent in this context, but I tried my best! 🤞🏽

[conclaveconfessions]

Tedesco anon from like 2 asks back again... side note I forgot to add, Goffredo means God's peace and that is so ironic yet somehow quite endearing. I want him so badly to have been a favourite child, all rosy cheeks and curls, having old ladies fawn over him. Until he grew up a little bit and then he was invisible and the only way he can get attention now is by doing what he does best – the trusted childhood streak of mischief and disobedience. Except it's not cute anymore and increasingly adult-themed. Pulling his sister's hair to fascism pipeline or something. Idk. Anyways he was mommy and daddy's favourite until he wasn't and that broke him forever I think so now he is just entitled. Boh I wanna blend him up. (Positive.)

~

[jasmineleeplays]

God convicts King Goffredo, who decides that he must stop lusting after women who are not his wife and to recommit to the 7th Commandment: "Thou shall not commit adultery".

He gives up his scheme to seduce Alfonsina, and instead marries her off to his Court Physician Geraud d'Amiens who had harboured a crush on her during their previous travels and was the reason for Alfonsina joining his court anyways.

Next, King Goffredo decides that in order to show his new found contrition, he was going to go on a Pious Pilgrimage to Santiago. The journey would take 13 months in total and the dangers encountered on the road are many, yet King Goffredo prepares the best that he can and commits to the pilgrimage.

Immediately after setting off for Santiago, King Goffredo's Self-Interested Regent, Duke Humbert II "the Cruel" of Savoy attempts to swing the Scales of Power towards him. Throughout the journey he would do this 2 more times, on top of attempting to embezzle from the treasury but getting caught by King Goffredo.

Both King Goffredo and his Court Physician Geraud fall ill to the disease of Small Pox. While King Goffredo manages to be cured eventually, Geraud succumbs to the illness and has to be replaced by another physician named Armengol.

Along the way of his pilgrimage, King Goffredo encounters a Beautiful, Fecund and Deviant Asturleonese woman by the name of Eva who tempts him with a one-night stand at a local brothel. Fortunately, King Goffredo withstands the temptation and focuses back on the pilgrimage albeit at the cost of some stress.

On arrival at Santiago, King Goffredo repents of his sins, especially for being a Witch. But somehow, that does not get rid of his Witch trait even though it gave him a lot of stress, instead it removed the Witch secret from his brother, Count Cecco. He also goes for Confession and buys Indulgences for his sins - still his Witch trait remained. Maybe Jesus is testing him to see if he would lapse back into his old ways...

On the way home, Duke Humbert flexes his Regent powers by trying to imprison King Goffredo's High Almoner Constanzo, the son of Queen Matilda's Wet Nurse Filomena. King Goffredo of course, Vetos the decision as it an abuse of power.

[gardenofkore]

No information (not even her name) about this girl was preserved, to the point that even her storicity is sometimes debated. According to the tradition, she was the daughter of Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād and she had at least two brothers. Her father might have descended from the Emir of Syracuse (1072-1086 AD) and hero of the resistance against the Norman conquest, Ibn ‘Abbād or Benavert as European historians called him (after Goffredo Malaterra’s chronicles). As stated by Syrian historian al-Ḥamawī, Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād wasn’t Sicilian by birth, but was actually from al-Mahdīya, in Ifriqiya (corresponding to modern Tunisia, weastern Lybia and eastern Algeria). He came to Sicily as a teen and later married the daughter of Ibn Fakhir, one of the principal Sicilian Saracen leaders at that time, and with that he secured his position. Like their presumed ancestor before them, Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād at first and later his daughter will become symbols of the Muslim resistance against Frederick II Hohenstaufen, heir of the Norman sovereigns.

The relationship between Christians  and Muslims under the reign of Frederick’s parents, Henry VI Hohenstaufen and Constance I of Sicily, had been quite pacific. Things got worse after Constance’s death (1198), when German barons and the Pope fought over the right to become regents of the young Frederick. Saracens thought then to ally with the Imperial Seneschal Markward von Annweiler against the Papacy and Sicilian clergy. In 1200 this peculiar coalition suffered a bloody defeat in the area between Palermo and Monreale. The Papacy tried to (at least) ensure the Muslims’ neutrality. In 1206 Innocent III sent a letter to all Sicilian Saracens and their leaders to ask them to remain loyal to King Frederick, but without much success.

In 1212 Frederick left Sicily to be crowned King in Germany and 1216, in Rome, he was crowned Holy Roman Emperor. Overall, he was away from Sicily for 8 long years, leaving his wife Constance of Aragon to act as a regent. Taking advantage of the King’s absence, the Saracen rebels carried out raids all over Sicily, attacking even the capital Palermo and Monreale’s Cathedral. It’s in this particular moment that Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād hit the headlines. He was acknowledged as sole leader of the Sicilian Saracens and earned the title of  Amīr al-Muslimīn (Lord of the Muslims), going as far as to mint his personal silver coinage.

Finally back in Sicily in 1220, King Frederick had to face his rebellious subjects and in 1221 he went to war. The Muslims entrenched themselves in strongholds scattered in the area of nowadays provinces of Agrigento and Palermo, like Jato, Entella, Calatrasi, Celso and Platani. Since these fortresses were hard to attack and conquer, the King had to make do with a long war of attrition.

In 1223 the stronghold of Jato, defended by Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād, was conquered by Frederick. The man was captured and hanged in Palermo together with his sons. Historian al-Ḥamawī in his chronicles provides a different account. Besieged and with no hope to resist for a long time, the Saracen made a deal with Frederick II. He offered to surrender and leave Sicily forever to never come back in exchange for the lives of his family and his. The King accepted the deal and so managed to finally occupy Jato. Unfortunately, just when they thought they were safe, Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād and his sons were killed on the ship headed for Tunisia and their corpses were thrown into the sea.

This is where the daughter Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād shows up in the story. As claimed by tradition, the girl didn’t trust Frederick and tried to persuade her father to do the same and not accept the deal. Wisely she decided to not follow her family and remained to defend the fortress of Entella. As soon as she heard what tragic ends met her kins, she planned her revenge.

She privatly sent Frederick II a letter in which she appealed for his help. She was just a woman, a frail being, she wrote, unfit to handle such a challenging situation. She was willing to surrender, but her men would never accept this decision, so would the King sent 300 of his valiant soldiers in her aid? She would let them in during the night, when the surveillance wasn’t that tight, and they’d easily conquer the fortress.

The sovereign accepted and, during the night, he sent 300 of his best men to occupy Entella. The day after there was no sign of those men nor the stronghold had been conquered. That night in fact the Swabian soldiers had been massacred as soon they had arrived and their heads had been cut and exposed on the fortress’ merlons. Realising he had been deceived, King Frederick then sent a message to the girl in which he praised her courage and strength of character. Frederick was so amazed he wrote he decided to spare her life in case she chose to surrender (some variations of the story add that he even claimed he would have loved to have a child with such a brave woman). Of course she refused.

Even so, the fortress’ defences were at their limits and the day after it was conquered by the Swabian forces. Fearing of what would come to her the moment she was captured, the daughter of Muhammad ibn ‘Abbād decided to end her own life and poisoned herself, earning with that the nickname of Cleopatra of Sicily.

In 1224 the Sicilian Saracens were worn-out by that long war and sent some emissaries to negotiate their capitulation. In 1225 Frederick managed to submit the rebel forces and part of the subdued Saracens were deported in Lucera, Apulia.

[hell-heron]

The mighty crusaders 1957 - Liveblog

First of all this is a terrible title, second can't believe this is really the only adaptation available. I really have been spoiled by all the previous classics-related obsessions. But yeah, because I hate myself I decided to watch this extremely weird and unfaithful movie, thankfully not mute nor black and white but in English and unsubbed so I'll try I guess 

- We open on a war council. Goffredo is good, Rinaldo is a fuckin brat, nothing new. Then we cut to Tancred leading his troops + war prisoners back to the camp. Tancredi is cute enough, he's slightly mean to Erminia bc when a Muslim soldier tries to escape he blames her saying she should have prevented him and save his life which?? How?? But overall he's nice enough, which is important because really so many girls fall for him just because he's pretty, honorable, nice and overall boyfriend goals. Erminia just gives him an half smile before being scolded by some old man for fraternizing with the enemy but oh well. Erminia's character is actually quite well presented. She has a very melancoly line about how for a soldier life as a prisoner is worth nothing, but she as a woman has no such pride which really feels like something she might say in the poem. Going back to Tancredi, because he is nice, he allows a groups of Muslim (?) merchants to spend the night in their camp under his protection. Among the merchants is Clorinda, in incognito, who Erminia calls the daughter of King of Persia (No???). She and Tancred banter a little with the usual "This is no place for a woman" "I'm used to danger" schtik. Obviously everyone involved is snow-white but whatever, its the fifties

- "You should not trouble your pretty head with matters of war" and then he asks her out to dinner... Tancredi... It turns out Clorinda actually wanted this to get the battle plans, which is...weird bc why would you send the famous warrior literally everyone knows to spy? But she says only Erminia will recognize her and she won't snitch... cut to Erminia snitching. Slander, bc Erminia takes seven years to make any decision and she and Clorinda are bros but fine I guess. At least she asks him not to harm her. Also Tancredi has a tiger skin hung in his tent which miiiiight be foreshadowing but I'm sure Clorinda will not get to wear her awesome tiger helmet so whatevs. The costumes are pretty nice tbh, I love Erminia's dress. Less Tancredi's sparkly emerald green doublet but eh.

- The dinner date is HORRIFYING Movie Tancredi: "A woman with your elegance is wasted in battle. You were born to help man live not to let them die" Poem Tancred: *sees Clorinda* "We don't have to fight here is my chest for you stab you I'm glad to die if it's you my heart is already yours take it out would you like me to take my plate off so it's easier baby I'm all' yours"

- "It was not my choice to be the only child of the King of Persia but I have my duties" HELLO???? "Your words are strange for a soldier" "What, because I have the needs of a man?" AAAAAAAH The two dumbasses remember that if they meet again it will be in war and there is a brief pissing contest where he slashes stuff open and she throws knives around, which is a welcome reprieve.

- Random guy: "We were waiting for your arrival to give the final assault" Tancredi: "Don't be overconfident, my arrival won't make it any easier" Away from Clorinda he sounds vaguely more like himself. Though they are equally good Rinaldo is the action hero, not Tancred and that is important. Passing on the Christian side, Clorinda looks way better in armor and badass red cloak than in a dress, though still no tiger imagery to be seen, Olindo and Sofronia look like they're out a terrible R&J movie, Clorinda proposes to trade them for Erminia (who is here the king's niece) which is a concept the learnt from Tancredi apparently bc no one else knows how war works.

- We meet Argante. He's bald and a dick but has an interesting moustache. He and Clorinda have a chat. Clorinda: "I'm sure you would kill and woman in your captivity who denied you her favors". Because that's you talk about your best friends. Argante: "You refused to marry me and I didn't kill you." Yup. I would like to say "Ugh, the fifties." But frankly what I really must say is "Where has all the willingness to let men and women be purely platonic close friends gone in the last 4 centuries" because it's not like it's any better now. Pity because their relationship in the poem was so lovely. OH WAIT no so Clorinda is BETHROTHED to Argante by her father, the king of Persia, who is a person that exists and raised Clorinda, his actual daughter, alright, but the marriage will only be valid if celebrated on free land, so he will have to wait until Jerusalem is, uh, delivered. Argante then says something about if she leave him for another man it will be trouble -FORESHADOWING

- Tancredi: "You can return to your people! Aren't you happy?!" Erminia: *sobs*. Cut to her, who famously is an oversensitive, tormented shy nerd who understandably is conflicted about her feelings and keeps everything to herself, babbling everything to Clorinda, saying he would have been hers had Clorinda not come along. Clorinda is not amused. Then an harem dancer with a terrible accent announces Argante. We can see, unlike Tancredi, Argante is a dick because, unlike Tancredi, he is glad Clorinda is a worthy fighter and considers her an equal. Also because he's the only visibly darkskinned person despite being probably the one with less reason, being from *googles* the Northern Dead Sea area. Also Clorinda "I didn't get enough melee fighting today, must compensate with arson" is """"tired of fighting"""". Yeah. Poem Argante: No, no, thy fellow have I been in arms/And will be still, in praise, in death, in harms Movie Argante: "If you don't love me its the same thing as if you despised me He also suspects Clorinda might fancy a Christian, but changes the subject and proposes a plan to kill Rinaldo. Meanwhile Rinaldo, who is Tancredi's best bro and absolutely not a reckless teenage nuisance, is bantering with the aforementioned as a messanger announces Argante's attack. Battle scene. Irrelevant stuff happens, they do NOT kill Rinaldo, but Tancredi and Clorinda (who now wears a badass leopard skin tunic) meet. He disarms her way too easily and asks her to promise he'll leave fighting to the warriors and stop endangering herself. She tries to set him up with Erminia to get rid of him, no use. He keeps insisting on his love, she demures, they kiss, she goes away but he said he won't give up on her.

 - They celebrate a funeral for some dude named, I shit you not, Dudone and Rinaldo swears revenge. This person was killed by Argante with a blue steel sword taken from a murdered Christian and a big deal is made of it but it's absolutely not, to my memory, in the poem so?? Rinaldo and Goffredo fight because Goffredo is not enough of a dumb reckless bitch, apparently. Cut to Argante shit talking Rinaldo. My boy never disappoints. The king (I know this is not a dumb movie thing but I can't bear to call him Aladin) proposes to use Armida, witch slash seductress in hot flowy sleeves, to sow discord. Argante says women in war are only useful if they know how to fight like Clorinda. Armida has a surprisingly feminist speech affirming the contrary. Clorinda, who was introduced to us as an undercover spy, says it would be unfair to use such deceitful means, the king says Armida is not a warrior and she's not honest (rude) so no other way, she goes

- Armida, all in virginal white but tiddies out, goes to Rinaldo who is disputing with Gernando who will take Dudone"s army. "Your great generosity is known even to us" EHM.... She gives a slightly different story but to the same effect, that she turned Christian so now Aladin is persecuting her native town of Damascus and the Crusaders have to help them. Rinaldo compelled by chivalry and the power of pussy accepts but no one listens to him. I can't understand if Tancredi is present or not because all the dudes look alike to me. I can set apart Rinaldo just because he is dressed in white to emphasize his nonexistent youth. More drama goes on, Rinaldo kills Gernando way too ungruesomely, but he will be mourned because he had style. We lose Tancredi trying to Relate To The Youth providing Rinaldo with unsolicited advice, instead he just advises him to run away.

- Clorinda talks to Erminia and says she doesn't want to fight because the enemy is too virtuous and generous... again? This is really not how it goes, neither of the too really gets a lesson about peace from falling in love. This is not Romeo and Juliet, it's not a completely senseless feud, it is a war that by Tasso's point of view being a guy in a religious crisis writing during the counter-reform, needs to be fought and, on both sides, is virtuous. That's why the love is tragic and doomed. But whatevs. Someone snitches about her feelings at Argante, Argante snitches at Aladin and requests to fight Tancredi in single combat. The duel is boring and they both fight dirty in an out of character fashion. I changed my mind about Erminia, she's so fucking bratty and horribly butchered. Then she gets her illumination (obviously no monologuing about her femininety and powerlessness bc why valorize the nice moment of real empathy and sensitivity from a male author) puts on Clorinda's armor and goes to look for Tancred. She's chased away, Tancred goes to look for her, he finds out about Armida's trap. Things go a bit different for Erminia than in the poem, instead of finding the shepherds she joins the Christian camp and then Piero, the priest, sends her to to the shepherds. Clorinda (horrifyingly) gives Tancredi information to find Rinaldo so he goes away telling no one. The discussion with Argante re: postponing the duel happens and Raymond, bless the old man, is appropriately badass. Argante botches the treaty and the king insults him, though in the poem he was like this kindly old man who kept hugging the warriors in inappropriate moments

- Cut to Armida's palace with beautiful visuals, horrifyingly skinny harem dancers and HUGE dubcon undertones by Armida to Rinaldo but I still like her, though any real magic and wonder is completely stripped from the whole situation. Tbh I'm not invested in this plotline enough to bitch much.Tancredi sneaks in and lasts in his disguise about three seconds before starting murdering people. I might start spiteshipping him with Rinaldo, so much I dislike the situation with Clorinda. Armida hits on Rinaldo once more then lets them go.

- Clorinda: "You forget they are fighting for a cause they are dedicated to and would die for their leader without hesitation" again... so would the Muslims it's kind of the point... She and Argante have a little sweet conversation that contrasts horribly with the rest of their relationship, but her feelings are like... general presentment of dying, no thirst of glory, desire of doing more, feeling of inadequacy and everything else. Also it's HIS idea to destroy the siege tower which Ugh. I'm frankly gonna skip the siege until the duel now. It's clear that we are going to miss Erminia's time with the shepherds, the reveal about Clorinda's identity and tbh all' her beautiful relationship with her adoptive father, so che changes faith just because cute crusader is cute I guess and based on the time remaining, nothing of Tancredi's complete, poetic, heartwrenching mental breakdown either. Nice. The duel is in a nice location but all fucked up, it's not wild and energetic at all, no simbolism of it lasting dusk to dawn, none of all the raw dialogue, not even "What do you bring" "War and death" "Death and war you will have of you pray for them", no Clorinda refusing to reveal her name and claim her glory to reveal how her priorities have shifted, Tancredi recognizes Clorinda as soon as she falls so no moment where he thinks she's just some random guy but he still is moved to tears from her desire to convert and is willing to forgive her (which is imho what led Clorinda to fall in love with him). They exchange a few words but no hand holding in sign of peace which I guess wasnt necessary when it’s not the only tragic, bittersweet touch they’ll ever exchange but still :( and overall I just feel nothing. At least they don't kiss. Also I feel like there is something very compelling about Tancredi shutting in and saying nothing for the whole scene and it's lost here. Also he can't push everything inside and then let it out when Clorinda dies bc when Clorinda dies Argante comes and they duel right here so we also lose the BADASS scene of eberyone mourning Clorinda and him swearing revenge. One bright note is we get to see Tancredi dramatically fainting as he is famous for at least once, but it's from Argante's wounds, not Clorinda's, which is meh. Then Erminia finds him and there's some sort of victory celebration where Erminia and Tancredi are implied to be getting together. Yay. What the fuck happened to the Armida plotline?? Well, no matter. This is over, we have learned that being clingy and selfish but traditionally feminine gets you the man, and everyone is happy

[docrotten]

CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE (APOCALYPSE DOMANI, 1980) – Episode 216 – Decades Of Horror 1980s

“It says here the body showed signs of cannibalism. … That’s what it says, Chief!” Exactly what are “signs of cannibalism,” Chief? Join your faithful Grue-Crew – Chad Hunt, Bill Mulligan, Crystal Cleveland, and Jeff Mohr  – as they investigate the “signs” in Antonio Margheriti’s Cannibal Apocalypse (1980), starring John Saxon.

Decades of Horror 1980s Episode 216 – Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

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Mentally unstable Vietnam vets who were held captive by the Vietcong come back to America after being rescued carrying a dangerous virus that turns people into cannibals when bitten.

IMDb

  Director: Antonio Margheriti (as Anthony M. Dawson)

Writers: Antonio Margheriti (screenplay) (as Anthony M. Dawson), Dardano Sacchetti (screenplay & story) (as Jimmy Gould)

Music: Alexander Blonksteiner

Special Effects

Giannetto De Rossi (special effects)

Bob Shelley (special effects coordinator)

Selected Cast:

John Saxon as Norman Hopper

Elizabeth Turner as Jane Hopper

Giovanni Lombardo Radice as Charlie Bukowski (billed as John Morghen)

Cinzia De Carolis as Mary (billed as Cindy Hamilton)

Tony King as Tommy Thompson

Wallace Wilkinson as Captain McCoy

Ramiro Oliveros as Dr. Phil Mendez (billed as Ray Williams)

May Heatherly as Nurse Helen

Renzo Marignano as Dr. Morris

Venantino Venantini as Lt. Hill

Jere Beery as Biker Leader

Luca Venantini as Bobby

Joan Riordan as Tina

Don Ruffin as Carlos

Goffredo Unger as Mall Guard

Did you ever have one of those movies that you didn’t think you’d seen, but when you finally watched it, it turned out you already had? That’s the case for Chad and his pick for this episode, Cannibal Apocalypse, also known as Cannibals in the Streets, Cannibal Massacre, Cannibals in the City, Invasion of the Fleshhunters, Savage Apocalypse, Savage Slaughterers, The Slaughterers, Apocalypse domani, and Asphalt-Kannibalen. With all those alternate titles, it’s easy to see how he might have been confused.

This time around, Chad points out that this allegory for Viet Nam veterans returning home has no one to root for. He’s a John Saxon fan and thinks he is the best thing about the movie, but he is perplexed by the film and the fact that it even exists.

Crystal loves John Saxon as well, especially his confused and shocked look when he sees his troops in the pit eating human flesh. The film is trying to be serious with a metaphor depicting PTSD as some type of contagious cannibalism but in the end, it doesn’t really know what it wants to be. And beware! There are triggers aplenty.

Bill generally appreciates director Margheriti’s work and can see why Quentin Tarantino likes him, but Cannibal Apocalypse feels to him like Margheriti wanted to make a Viet Nam movie but could only get money for a horror film and it turns out to be a bit of a mess. He does like the idea of war as a virus that comes home. Just because you’re no longer on the battlefield doesn’t mean you can escape it.

Margheriti’s The Long Hair of Death (1965) was covered in Decades of Horror: The Classic Era Episode 110 but Jeff sees few similarities between that and Cannibal Apocalypse. He loves Giannetto De Rossi’s special effects and of course, John Saxon’s performance, but also gives a trigger warning for several scenes.

At the time of this writing,  Cannibal Apocalypse is available to stream from Tubi and on physical media as a Blu-ray from Kino Lorber.

Every two weeks, Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror 1980s podcast will cover another horror film from the 1980s. The next episode’s film, chosen by Jeff, will be Lady in White (1988), a serial killer/ghost story starring Lukas Haas.

Please let them know how they’re doing! They want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans:  leave them a message or leave a comment on the gruesome Magazine Youtube channel, on the website or email the Decades of Horror 1980s podcast hosts at feedback@gruesomemagazine.com

  Check out this episode!

[kismet-at-the-library]

A-Z BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

I’ve seen a few of these lists floating around as per @macrolit‘s idea (you can find their original post here) and obviously I had to spend the past few hours compiling a list of my own. It’s definitely harder than it looks! I was trying to go for some less obvious choices while also paying homage to all the books that have struck a chord with me, but I must admit I had to cheat a little by including a few titles from my TBR pile. In my defense, I have an excellent feeling about all of these – plus, what better motivation to finally get started on reading them? (If only grad school weren’t in the way... but a girl can still dream.)

A - Atonement by Ian McEwan (2001)

A superbly well-written and incredibly touching novel, featuring one of the children characters I’ve related to the most in my reading life. (Yes, I relate to Briony! Not for what she does, of course, but the way she experiences and describes the world is just so so familiar to me.)

B - The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz (2007)

I think I’m still a little heartbroken over this one. It wasn’t always perfect, but it’s stayed with me in a way that other books I’ve read in the past few years haven’t. Plus, I still can’t get over a narrator using footnotes to explain historical details about the Dominican Republic. If you’ve read Díaz before, you’ll definitely fall for Yunior’s voice all over again. And if you haven’t, what are you waiting for?

C - La casa de los espíritus (The House of the Spirits) by Isabel Allende (1982)

I already got one for H (this list was not compiled in alphabetical order) so I’m “cheating” by using the title in the original language (which is also the one I read it in).

D - Du côté de chez Swann (The Way by Swann’s) by Marcel Proust (1913)

...because lately I’ve been mildly (she says) obsessed with Proust and you should be too <3 This is the first volume in the monumental In Search of Lost Time. I went in knowing hardly anything about it other than ~Proust~ and was incredibly surprised by how accessible it was. (If you’re still feeling intimidated, I definitely recommend reading Alain de Botton’s How Proust Can Change Your Life to help break the ice!)

E - Emplumada by Lorna Dee Cervantes (1981)

A poetry collection by the author on whom I wrote my bachelor’s thesis. Lorna Dee Cervantes writes about growing up as a working-class Chicana in the U.S. Southwest. In her poems as in her life, gender, race, and class intersect to make up the experience of a powerful woman and gifted poet who uses incredibly lyrical language.

F - Free Enterprise: A Novel of Mary Ellen Pleasant by Michelle Cliff (1993)

Now, if you want some good, kickass, well-researched alternative historiography featuring Black historical lady figures, then this is the book for you. It’s an account (fictional, yes, but in no way less significant than the ‘authorized’ history) of John Brown’s raid on Harpers Ferry and the women that took part in it (for non-U.S. readers, John Brown was a white abolitionist who tried to start an armed slave revolt). One of those women was Mary Ellen Pleasant, a black woman and entrepreneur who helped fund John Brown’s raid. So, yep, you should definitely get to this one straight away. It’s not the most accessible kind of writing because it moves across time, space, and characters, but if you pay enough attention you’ll have no problem following it until the end, and you’ll be immensely enriched because of it. <3

G - The Good Soldier by Ford Madox Ford (1915)

This is the saddest story I have ever heard. That’s the first line of the book, by the way. If you like unreliable narrators and morally-dubious characters, you’ll definitely enjoy this one.

H - Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (2006)

Adichie is very well known right now because of her booklet We Should All Be Feminists (and with good reason), but this is the one that made me fall in love with her. I don’t even remember what led me to buying this book when I basically knew nothing about her, but I’m so glad I did. I love historical fiction and this novel about the Biafran War just broke my heart in all the right places. One of my best on-a-whim purchases.

I - If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (2017)

This is one of the latest books I’ve read but more importantly one I’ve been excited to read for at least two years. The stakes were high but wow, did it deliver. It’s been marketed as a mystery/literary thriller but I get the feeling that this kind of description could turn away readers who are not into mysteries but who would have plenty of other reasons to enjoy this novel. Yes, there is a mystery (and the pacing is excellent!) but the story is really about the characters, who are really well-developed. Rio ( @m-l-rio) has the incredible ability to set a scene with great economy of words and make each of them count. And, oh, that ending was absolutely perfect.

(Special mention: If This Is a Man by Primo Levi.)

J - Jacques the Fatalist and his Master by Denis Diderot (1796)

A novel about subverting the reader’s expectations (and I mean that). I read this one some 6 years ago but I still think about it as one of the funniest novels (or non-novels?) I’ve ever read and I can’t wait to read it again one day. It gets very, very meta and I remember lots of (subtle or not-so-subtle) criticism on the art of the novel as practised by Diderot’s contemporaries.

(Special mention: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. Because, do I even need to explain? <3)

K - To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (1960)

Well, this one is a bit obvious. Didn’t have a lot of K-titles to choose from... But also, this was one of the first books I read in English, at a time when my love of literature fully-blossomed, and that makes it even more special.

L - The Lonely Londoners by Sam Selvon (1956)

I loved the writing in this novel about the life of West Indian immigrants in London in the 1950s. Such a strong narrative voice. Its only flaw is that it only focuses on the male immigrant experience, but that’s no reason not to love it anyway.

M - Manual of the Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho (1997)

The book that made me get into Paulo Coelho quite a few years ago. I’m less into him now, but this is still among my favourites <3 A book one can turn to in times of hardship, always ready to offer much-needed words of wisdom.

N - North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (1855)

I think @dukeofbookingham once described this as “Pride and Prejudice with a social conscience” and I don’t think I can top that description. If you’re still unsure about this, why not watch the 2004 BBC adaptation with Richard Armitage?

O - Orlando by Virginia Woolf (1928)

Sometimes a bit difficult to get through, but so beautifully written that it makes it totally worth it. Also, such an imaginative read!

P - Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw (1913)

Maaaaan I love this play. My inner linguistic nerd can’t resist Higgins’s endavours to train Eliza to speak like a “proper lady”, and the feminist in me is ever in awe of Eliza’s strength of character. (Don’t trust the ending they gave her in My Fair Lady. Shaw was much smarter than that.)

Q - Regina di fiori e di perle (Queen of Flowers and Pearls) by Gabriella Ghermandi (2011)

Now this is a double cheat because 1) I’m using the translation to make it work, and 2) I took it from my TBR pile, but this is one I’m really excited about, and it’s by an Italo-Ethiopian author, so... <3

R - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard (1966)

There were plenty of more obvious choices for this one and I’ve actually only ever seen the film adaptation, but I love the idea for this play so much I couldn’t resist. Plus, I’ve been meaning to get my hands on a copy since forever...

S - Sillabari (Abecedary) by Goffredo Parise (1972-1982)

Going again by the title in the original language. Honestly, I keep trying to recommend this wonderful book to my English-speaking friends but it’s so frustrating because only the first part of this (...novel? collection?) has been translated into English. “Collection” doesn’t seem like the right word because there is such a strong thematic unity to this book, but it is certainly made up of vignettes, each of which is meant to describe a human feeling, something that is achieved with great economy of words and often in unexpected and unpredictable ways. Incidentally, this is a particularly fitting title for this list because the vignettes are organized in alphabetical order (Abecedary, anyone?) –the first one is “Amore”, love. If you can read Italian, I cannot recommend this enough!

(Special mention: Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde.)

T - The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (1954)

This doesn’t look like cheating but it feels like cheating. :P There were plenty of other titles to choose from but none that was giving me as strong a feeling. Plus, it feels good to pay homage to one of the books that started it all for me <3 (and I actually first discovered Tumblr by looking for LOTR-related content, so it's even more appropriate.)

U - Chasing Utopia: A Hybrid by Nikki Giovanni (2013)

I was trying to go for something that wasn’t Ulysses (which I haven’t read yet, by the way). Now, I haven’t read this whole collection, but I remember reading some of Nikki Giovanni’s poetry in one of my American literature classes and I definitely liked her work. Plus, I love that title! I had kind of forgotten about this one, so now might be the right time to go and actually check it out from the library.

V - Il visconte dimezzato (The Cloven Viscount) by Italo Calvino (1951)

Wow, was it difficult to find a worthy V-title! (Or one that is not in my TBR pile.) I haven’t read the books in this unconventional ‘trilogy’ in so long, but I still remember liking them a lot (although my favourite was always The Nonexistent Knight).

W - Waiting in the Twilight by Joan Riley (1987)

This is a more obscure title and probably not as easy to get a hold of (AbeBooks would be your best option) but this immigrant story about a Jamaican woman and her dream of building a better life for herself told from the perspective of her disenchanted old self is incredibly powerful and just... my heart breaks for Adella.

X/Y - I got nothing. :(

Z - Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde (1982)

Another one that I haven’t read (yet), but this is Audre Lorde, so. <3

[mrmichaelchadler]

Home Entertainment Consumer Guide: April 11, 2019

10 NEW TO NETFLIX

"All the President's Men" "Bonnie and Clyde" "Deliverance" "The Fifth Element" "King Kong" "Monster House" "Observe and Report" "Pineapple Express" "Sherlock Holmes" "Snatch"

5 NEW TO BLU-RAY/DVD

"Bumblebee"

While I enjoyed the first "Transformers" film for what it was, the sequels that followed ranged from awful to something that could be used to torture me. I hated them all with varying degrees of vitriol. And yet somehow "Bumblebee" made me hate them more because it reminded me of what this series should have been all along: FUN. Discarding most of the nonsense mythology of the Bay sequels, Travis Knight has made a film that wears its '80s influence on its sleeve like a badge of honor. This is an old-fashioned Amblin film that never got made, or almost even a reboot of "The Iron Giant." The point is that it recalls movies with young heroes who become friends with something completely out of this world. It's not perfect, but Hailee Steinfeld's ability to do literally anything at such a young age continues to impress. She's legitimately great here, finding just the right emotional notes and selling her character in a ridiculous situation. I never thought I'd say this again, but I'll be there for the next Transformers movie as long as it's like "Bumblebee."

Buy it here    Special Features Sector 7 Archive Deleted and Extended Scenes Outtakes Bee Vision: The Transformers robots of Cybertron Bringing Bumblebee to the Big Screen

"The Man Who Killed Hitler and then the Bigfoot"

This column typically consists only of films that I can wholeheartedly recommend, but I'm closer to Glenn Kenny's opinion of this unusual flick than our own Nick Allen's out of last year's Fantasia Festival. However, it is such a curiosity that I wanted to include it. It's one of those odd movies about which I would personally be a "Rotten Tomato" but feel like maybe you should see and decide for yourself? The reason for that is that it's the definition of a "Your Mileage May Vary" piece of storytelling. If you buy into the remarkably somber and self-serious tone of a film about Sam Elliott's veteran who killed Hitler and now has to kill Bigfoot (no, the title is not a joke) then the movie is likely to work for you. It also feels like the summation of the last couple decades of Elliott's work, and he's always interesting. I just wish the movie didn't think that it needed to balance the inherent ridiculousness of its narrative with such a deadly serious tone. 

Buy it here 

Special Features Audio Commentary featuring writer-director Robert. D Krzykowski The Making of The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Big Foot Deleted Scenes  Joe Kraemer Interview  Elsie Hooper Short Film  Art Gallery

"The Mule"

Warner Brothers really hid Clint Eastwood's latest film from critics in ways that make no sense to me. Sure, Eastwood's conservative leanings and the film's racially-charged plot were bound to lead some critcisms, but the film works overall. In fact, the first hour is some of Clint's best filmmaking in years. It's tightly made, well-acted, and consistently interesting. No one can deny Clint's skill as a filmmaker and that craftsmanship carries the film, even as it gets a bit maudlin and manipulative in the second half. Overall, Eastwood doesn't seem to get the attention he deserves as a major American filmmaker. And he's one of the very few who's still able to produce quality work like this one even near the end of his career. 

Buy it here 

Special Features Nobody Runs Forever: The Making of The Mule Toby Keith "Don't Let the Old Man In" Music Video

"Night on Earth"/""Stranger Than Paradise" (Criterion)

Film Twitter has just about lost its mind over the news that Jim Jarmusch's "The Dead Don't Die" will open Cannes 2019. Almost as if they had insider information, Criterion released Blu-ray upgrades of two of his best films at practically the same time that announcement was being made. Of course, it's just a coincidence, just another example of how much this company feels like it's on top of what people are talking about in the world of film. (Speaking of that, go sign up for The Criterion Channel now. You won't regret it.) As for these upgrades, Jarmusch isn't exactly a director to use to show off your HD TV, but it's nice to have his films in the best possible quality nonetheless. If you haven't seen it, you really need to catch up with "Stranger," an early pioneer in DIY filmmaking that feels more influential with every generation of directors that sees it. 

Buy it here 

Special Features - "Night on Earth" High-definition digital restoration, supervised and approved by director Jim Jarmusch, with 2.0 surround DTS-HD Master Audio soundtrack on the Blu-ray Selected-scene commentary from 2007 featuring director of photography Frederick Elmes and location sound mixer Drew Kunin Q&A with Jarmusch from 2007, in which he responds to questions sent in by fans Belgian television interview with Jarmusch from 1992 PLUS: A booklet featuring essays by filmmakers, authors, and critics Thom Andersen, Paul Auster, Bernard Eisenschitz, Goffredo Fofi, and Peter von Bagh, and the lyrics to Tom Waits’s original songs from the film

Buy it here 

Special Features - "Stranger Than Paradise" High-definition digital restoration, supervised and approved by director Jim Jarmusch, with uncompressed monaural soundtrack on the Blu-ray Audio commentary from 1996 featuring Jarmusch and actor Richard Edson Permanent Vacation (1980), Jarmusch’s seventy-five-minute, color feature debut, presented in a high-definition digital restoration supervised by the director Kino ’84: Jim Jarmusch, a 1984 German television program ­featuring interviews with cast and crew members from Stranger Than Paradise and Permanent Vacation Some Days in January 1984, a behind-the-scenes Super 8 film by Tom Jarmusch U.S. and Japanese trailers PLUS: A booklet featuring Jarmusch’s 1984 “Some Notes on Stranger Than Paradise,” critics Geoff Andrew and J. Hoberman on Stranger Than Paradise, and author and critic Luc Sante on Permanent Vacation

"On the Basis of Sex"

It feels like someone dropped the ball with this sturdy period piece about the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. It's the kind of movie that should have played TIFF and gotten some decent buzz on its way through awards season. (It's certainly better than a trio of biopics nominated for Best Picture that will remain unnamed.) But it didn't premiere until AFI and then was relatively quietly released in theaters without much fanfare. I have some issues with the bland first half of this movie that hits too many of the "then this happened" tropes of the biopic, but it gets interesting when it essentially becomes a courtroom drama in the second half, and Felicity Jones and Armie Hammer are solid throughout. It's a decent rental that feels like it would have been a major movie even just a few years ago or if it had been handled differently. 

Buy it here 

Special Features A Supreme Team: Making On the Basis of Sex – Pull back the curtain and see how this incredible team of collaborators brought this true story to the big screen. Legacy of Justice – A deeper look at how Ruth Bader Ginsburg pioneered gender equality in America and gained her seat on the Supreme Court. Martin and Ruth: A Loving Partnership – An intimate look at the symbiotic marriage between Martin and Ruth Ginsburg, and how it helped shape Ruth's perspective as a judge.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2Z5gBGh

[docrotten]

Blood and Black Lace (1964) - Episode 65 - Decades of Horror: The Classic Era

“Perhaps the sight of beauty makes him lose control of himself, so he kills.” Yeah, that makes no sense at all, but Mario Bava still makes it work.  Join this episode’s Grue Crew - Joseph Perry, Chad Hunt, and Jeff Mohr - as they discover that the latest trend in fashion is murder in Mario Bava’s Blood and Black Lace (1964).

Decades of Horror: The Classic Era Episode 65 – Blood and Black Lace (1964)

A masked, shadowy killer brutally murders the models of a scandalous fashion house in Rome.

- IMDb

  Director: Mario Bava

Writers: 

Marcello Fondato (story and screenplay), 

Giuseppe Barilla (collaboration) 

Mario Bava (collaboration)

Mary Arden (adaptation) (English version) (as Kelly Leon)

Director of Photography: Ubaldo Terzano, Mario Bava (uncredited)

Music: Carlo Rustichelli

Featured Cast:

Eva Bartok as Countess Christina Como (Contessa Cristiana Cuomo in the Italian version)

Cameron Mitchell as Max Morlan (Massimo Morlacchi)

Thomas Reiner as Inspector Sylvester (Ispettore Silvestri)

Arianna Gorini as Nicole

Mary Arden as Peggy Peyton

Lea Lander (as Lea Krugher) as Greta

Claude Dantes as Tilde (Tao-Li)

Dante DiPaolo as Frank Scalo (Franco Scalo)

Massimo Righi as Marco

Luciano Pigozzi as Caesar Lazar (Cesare Lazzarini)

Francesca Ungaro as Isabella

Enzo Cerusico as Gas Station Attendant

Goffredo Unger as The Masked Killer (uncredited)

Paul Frees as Max / Sylvester / Morell / Ceaser / Marco / Zanchin / Attendant / Butler / Walla (voice) (uncredited)

Blood and Black Lace, aka Sei donne per l'assassino, is Mario Bava’s seminal work establishing many of the tropes commonly used in giallo films. Your Classic Era Grue-Crew is stunned by the vivid colors and cinematography in Blood and Black Lace. Jeff does his usual deep dive, this time into Cameron Mitchell’s career and also delves into the dubbing and subtitles (Shhhh! Let him think it’s interesting.)  Although Chad and Joseph are not big giallo fans, they most definitely appreciate Bava’s genius. Joseph tells about his first experience with the bathtub drowning scene when he saw it as a child and how it stuck with him for decades. Chad praises Paul Frees, who dubbs most of the film’s male parts, and has equally high praise for the quality of Shudder’s streaming version of Blood and Back Lace.

Your Grue-Crew highly recommends Blood and Black Lace, Bava’s splendid and unique christening of the giallo subgenre. For more on Mario Bava’s work, check out the following Gruesome Magazine content:

“Blood And Black Lace (1964): Bava At His Best” by Bill Mulligan

“Caltiki: The Immortal Monster (1959): Boring Blob But With Bits Of Bava” by Paul Cardullo

Black Sunday (1960) – Episode 40 – Decades of Horror: The Classic Era Podcast

A Bay of Blood (1971) — Episode 78 — Decades of Horror 1970s Podcast

Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era is part of the Decades of Horror 3-week rotation with the 1970s and 1980s. In three weeks, the next episode in their very flexible schedule will be The Body Snatcher (1945), a Val Lewton production for RKO, directed by Robert Wise and starring Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, and Henry Daniell. 

Please let them know how they’re doing! They want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans:  leave them a message or leave a comment on the site or email the Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast hosts at feedback@gruesomemagazine.com

To each of you from each of us, “Thank you so much for listening!”

Check out this episode!