#going to buy shit myself and make my mom wrap it

[bitchcrime]

[makethemhoesmad]

everything shower

paige x reader

🌶️ smut

🫡i wrote this in 25 minutes

“Babee” i hear paige shout from the other room. “In the shower, no you can’t join me i’m shaving and shit!” not surprisingly, i hear the bathroom door open and the curtain is whipped away from covering me in the shower. I look up from my leg, which i was shaving, to see my 5’11 girlfriend pouting like her mom wouldn’t let her buy the toy she wanted at the mall. “Baby, you know i don’t give two flying fucks that you’re shaving, i wanted to join.” I roll my eyes at her, shutting the curtain again. “You can stay in here and talk to me, i’m almost done. then you can make up for being rude to me later.” That shuts her up. I finish up my shower, then go to the vanity to put product in my curly hair, all while very blatantly ignoring my girlfriend. I can feel her eyes burning into me, begging me to acknowledge her need. I leave the bathroom and go to change into my pajamas. Just as i’m leaving the closet, i feel myself being pressed into the wall next to it. 

“look at me baby. look.”

I look

she’s ass naked now, trying to tempt me to give her what she wants. she tucks her knee in between my thighs, pressing it against me. Then, she slides her hand that isn’t holding me to the wall between her own thighs, massaging herself.

“oh, oh that’s good, bet you wish this was you, don’t you gorgeous?”

obviously i wished it was me, but it’s not like i was going to tell her that. i let my eyes wander, titling my head back to stare at the ceiling. The hand she’s using to touch herself quickly moves up to pull my chin down, then my face right to hers. she presses her lips to mine, in an attempt to distract me from the fact that she’s moving us to our bed and climbing on top of me.  Wordlessly, she shuffles down my body and rips off my pajama bottoms and underwear. 

Instead of relentlessly teasing me, like i thought she would, her lips immediately wrap around my clit. Sucking hard, yet again distracting me from anything other than what she was currently doing. I don’t notice she’s removed a hand from my waist until she’s plunging three fingers into me immediately. I gasp out, whining. “Oh, now you want to talk to me baby. Well, this isn’t your choice now, shut it and take what i give you like a good girl.” It takes everything in me not to scream out when my orgasm rips through me and she doesn’t stop. She keeps pushing into me at the same fast, punishing pace, until i lose track of how many times i’ve came and forget the reason i was ignoring paige in the first place. i’m so blissed out i don’t notice when she leaves my pussy and brings her face to mine.

“Say sorry babe, then you can go to bed.”

I look her dead in the eye, spit on her face, then giggle out an “i’m sorry darling”

Face flush with anger, she buries her face into my neck and bites. once she’s satisfied with whatever she’s done, she lays down, pulling me to her chest. 

“I love you beautiful,” she says, crushing her nose into the top of my head. 

i’m asleep before i can say it back

[southparktexts]

hi bby! saw ur reqs are open and ur inbox in empty!! so lemme get main three with a makeup gf who wants to do their makeup/skincare :3

AAAA OMG ITS BAE !!! HII BABE ABSOLUTELY YOU ANGEL !!

Doing Makeup on the Main 3

stan;

- okay, you know that episode where stan has a band and he plays a song abt him hating living on a farm?

- if you get it you get it

- you unironically already do his makeup for him

- but not full face though

- you help him with eyeliner on his under eyes

- i can see you bringing up the subject

- one day you were hanging in your room

- stan resting his head on your lap as you play with his hair silently

- eventually you got bored.

“stannnn can i do your makeup?”

“..why? im not performing anytime soon.”

“please..?”

“..fine”

- okay some headcannons time

- you do his makeup on his lap

- you’re doing concealer and he’s rambling to you about a fight with his dad.

- actually kinda stress relieving to him.

- i can see him as a cautious boyfriend when you do his foundation.

“ah- not the eyes..”

“careful.. the beanie..”

- also will slightly regret it..

“this is so gay.. you’re lucky i love you.”

- he doesn’t want to admit that he loves it.

- after you’ve cooked you show him and he gives you a ‘good job’ nod and kisses your forehead.

“..okay get this off me.”

kyle ;

- hear me out, kyles always had a fascination with makeup.

- i can see kyle watching his mom do her makeup and just being so interested.

- naturally, he was curious to see what he would look like with makeup.

- one day he was over at your house, you guys had a date planned in a few hours and you were doing your makeup

- kyle being kyle he watched, noticing how you grew more and more frustrated with your eyeliner.

- wiping it off with a q-tip aggressively.

- he continued watching as he thought to himself

- ‘if only she had someone to practice on..”

- he turned out to be the perfect person.

- he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheeks.

“do you wanna practice on me, love?”

“wait.. really?”

- the way your eyes light up, it made him want to ask that question all the time just to see your reaction again and again.

- while you’re doing his makeup he’ll ask you questions.

“soo is this.. blush..?”

“no baby this is concealer”

“oh.. what does that do?”

- he actually was interested and learnt a lot from you

“so now we’re going to use some setting spray.”

“oh i think my mom uses that!”

- off topic but he definitely remembers your shade and buys you makeup pallets and new products.

kenny;

- okay. okay. LET ME COOK.

- so as a juggalo myself, juggalos have events called ‘gathering of the juggalos’

- kenny and you were conveniently going to this event.

- as an icp fan its important to have the iconic black and white clown makeup!

- although you and your boyfriend were over at your house getting ready.

- when you saw kenny using bad drugstore makeup to do his clown face.

“uh.. ken?”

“yea hun?”

“do you want me to do that for you?”

“sure darl’”

- you had to scrub that shit off his face but it was so worth it.

- in the middle of you doing the white foundation you had just done prior on his face he’ll lean in a kiss you

“kennn!! no kisses”

“sorry doll, can’t help it.”

- the most laidback of all the boys

- will randomly kiss you all over

- but he doesn’t stay still when you’re doing the clown features in black.

- after your done cooking, you show him in the mirror.

- he does some silly poses, making you laugh and kisses your forehead.

“i love it my little juggalette”

“i love you to my juggalo”

reqs are open !! also i cooked wtf??

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Truth of the Matter

A Four Part Miniseries

@wonderland-girl143-blog @gregre369 @420-hun

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Steve, Robin, Nancy, and Chrissy stood in Steve's living room watching Eddie. He was sitting cross-legged on the coffee table pouring over his spellbook, his tongue poking out.

"You know, I have perfectly good couches," Steve said, crossing his arms, and Eddie hummed without looking at him. "He's lucky he's so cute."

"Okay. . .okay, it sounds like this spell is going to be difficult, especially with all of us, and it says I need to be. . .stronger for this. Fuck, I have to be a certain level? Well, what fucking level am I?" Eddie asked. "And how do I gain experience? More spells? You know, whoever wrote this book should have had this damn thing coded. You know, write in the margins which ones are for beginners."

"Well, considering the few spells that you have done, I think you're very much still a beginner," Robin said.

"If this is too much, we can wait. . .save up money. . . Buy plane tickets," Steve said.

"Baby, we're going to see this through, and your mother's waited long enough. . .you're worth it, Steve Harrington. . .now, shut up, I'm thinking," Eddie said.

"Oh, oh! I think I remember your father mentioning something about using magical creatures like conduits," Chrissy said.

"Yeah, no, I'm not using either one of you like that. And if my father suggested it, then I'm definitely not going to do it," Eddie scoffed.

"Well, what if we want to do it?" Steve asked.

"I can do the spell myself," he replied.

"Yeah, but it doesn't mean you should," he said.

"How in the hell is this relationship supposed to work if we're both equally stubborn?" Eddie asked with a scowl.

"Well, if we're both determined enough, we'll make it work," Steve replied.

"Eddie, it sounds like we both want to do this," Chrissy said softly.

"Are you sure?" Nancy asked.

"Very," Chrissy said, and Nancy smiled. "I want to do everything that I can to help Steve find his mom or dad. Not just because we're both fae but because it's the right thing to do."

"Thanks, Chrissy," Steve said softly and then paused. "Wait, what do you mean, mom or dad? My dad's dead, remember?"

"Oh. Did I not mention?" Chrissy asked with a frown.

"Mention what?" He asked.

"Fae can have children with anyone regardless of their gender. I had two mothers," Chrissy replied. "And some fae are what they themselves call genderfluid. . .depending on what they feel like. So, this person could be your mother, father, or both. Being transgender and queer is also more commonly accepted amongst fae. It's because of their beliefs that the fae had to remain hidden in the shadows, hiding with their illusion and glamor magic. They would come out of the shadows to help lost humans, whether they be fae, humans, or Wiccans, especially if they're children and rejected by their community because of who they love."

"Wow," Steve breathed. "Okay, so you know a lot more than I do."

"Do the fae have like their own city or country I could move to?" Robin asked.

"I don't know. If they do, it's probably hidden," Chrissy said. "There wasn't much in my mother's journal."

"Okay, let's do this shit. . .let's go find this Steve’s mommy or daddy. . .even more so now. Although, I suddenly realized that I'm going to be meeting my boyfriend's parent for the first time, and I hadn't even taken him on a date yet," Eddie said.

"And I just found out that my girlfriend neglected to tell me that she could get me pregnant," Nancy said.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! It slipped my mind. . .I was going to tell you, and then this happened," Chrissy said, looking guilty. "And besides, we can only get each other pregnant if we both wanted to. . .no accidents!"

"I figured you were going to say something like that when Mike barged into the house," Nancy said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "I'm messing with you, baby."

"I can get Steve pregnant!" Eddie yelped.

"Down boy, buy me dinner first," Steve said dryly.

"Okay, let's get to Lenora Hills before I get completely distracted," Eddie said. "Nancy, focus, and then we can study fae anatomy later. . ."

"I'm so getting a better grade than you," Nancy smirked, and Chrissy giggled.

"Fuck off, Wheeler!"

Lenora Hills, California. . .

"Fuck!" Eddie screamed.

He dropped Steve and Chrissy's hands immediately as he fell to his knees. Eddie bent over and began to make retching sounds. Steve pulled his hair back just as he vomited. He wiped Eddie's face with a tissue Chrissy gave him and helped him stand up. Eddie's whole body shuddered, and Steve wrapped his arms around him to hold him up. Steve watched as the other man's eyes turned purple.

"Eddie?" Steve asked.

"Is anyone else hearing music?" Eddie asked as blood gushed from his nose. "Did I just gain another level? Hmm, maybe it's something I ate."

Eddie's fading purple eyes rolled back into his head, and he collapsed into Steve’s arms. Steve picked him and held him close.

"I don't want to be a bummer, but I think Eddie missed by a few blocks," Robin said.

"Well, it was his first time performing the spell," Steve said. "Let's go."

They finally found the house they were looking for, and when they did, they discovered that the front door had been left wide open. Someone had clearly left in a hurry. When they entered, they found it in a stay of disarray, like someone had packed quickly. It was similar to the one in Indianapolis, except the furniture had been left behind. Drawers were opened and emptied. . .papers and takeout menus were littering the floor. Someone had clearly lived here a while, but it looked as though someone had left recently. Steve hurried to lay Eddie on the couch for a moment. He cleaned his face and listened closely to make sure he was just sleeping. He was.

"Is he okay?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah, just sleeping. That spell took a lot out of him," Steve replied. "Let him sleep, and we can look around. Maybe whoever left here is going to come back."

Of course, they searched the house for hours and came up with nothing. Robin, Nancy, and Chrissy let Eddie have the bedroom in the back, considering he drained his batteries getting them all to California. He laid Eddie on the bed and sprawled out next to him. He watched the man snore loudly before flopping onto his stomach. Steve ran his hand over his back, smiling when Eddie sighed in his sleep. He laid down on the pillow, wondering if his parent had laid their head on this very pillow. Steve closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Steve was dreaming. He was sure of it. He felt smaller than usual, and he was lying in a . . . Cage? No, a crib. He was a baby, and he was looking up at his mobile made of stars. A face appeared above him. It was a younger, fresher faced Bob Newby. He had hazel eyes just like Steve.

"He's made of stars just like you," Bob said proudly.

"Freckles and moles, my love," a garble voice said.

"Stars, stars to guide his way back to us," Bob said softly.

"He's not going to be like the others, I won't allow it," the voice said.

"There's more of them than there are of us," Bob said sadly. "It's happening more and more lately."

"Bobby. . ."

Wait, was his other parent British? Steve tried to reach for them as they moved closer to the crib.

"I'm right here," Steve tried to call out. "I'm right here!"

When he woke up, Eddie was staring at him.

"Hey, you feeling any better?" Steve asked as he immediately sat up.

"A little, but I don't think I'm at full power yet," Eddie said. "I'm fucking hungry."

"Yeah, okay, we get out of here, and we can find something to eat," Steve said.

"Just a moment," Eddie yawned.

He pulled Steve closer to him and nuzzled his neck. Eddie pressed his lips there, peppering his soft skin with tiny kisses. Steve sighed for a moment and leaned into it. He rolled over onto his side to face Eddie.

"Why are you going through all this trouble? I mean, I know you care about me, but we barely started whatever this is, and you're nearly killing yourself to help me," he said.

"I don't know. . .I mean, I guess it's because of the assumptions I made about you but also because I would give anything. . .chase any lead that gives me any hope that my mama's alive and looking for me. She's not, though. She's been dead for a long time. I can't do it for myself, but I can do it for you," Eddie replied.

Steve wrapped his arm around him, pulled him closer, and kissed him deeply. He poured every ounce of affection he had for the man into that kiss. He broke away and leaned his forehead against his.

"Come on, let's see what the girls are up to," Steve said.

They wandered into the kitchen to find Nancy, Chrissy, and Robin leaning over a phone book.

"Eddie!" Chrissy exclaimed. "How are you doing?"

"Better once I get some food in me," Eddie said.

"Well, we were actually going to order something. I was thinking pizza. Laura never lets me have any," Chrissy said.

"Pizza sounds fucking awesome," Eddie exclaimed.

As they waited for the pizza to arrive, they sat in the living room to discuss their options. Eddie still needed to recharge and get some food in him before doing any sort of spells. In the meantime, they wait it out here and see if the person comes back. Steve was trying not to get his hopes up, but the closer they got to find his parent, the more hopeful he got. Robin leaned over the arm rest of the couch. Nancy, Chrissy, and Eddie were talking amongst themselves.

"You doing okay?" Robin asked.

"Trying to keep it all in, you know?" Steve said and paused. "I had a dream about my dad, about Bob. I think it was a memory. I couldn't see my other parent, but I know they were British, and Bob said I was made of stars like them. They have moles like me. . .what else did I get from them? Will I ever see them again? Do they know what happened to Bob?"

"I'm sure that you'll find your way back to each other," Robin said.

"That's what Dad said. . .that my stars would guide my way back to them," Steve said. "It was happening to so many fae children. . . They knew it was going to happen to them."

"You're going to find each other," Robin said softly.

Before Steve could say anything else, the doorbell rang. Nancy went to answer it but paused when they heard arguing coming from the other side. Steve shared a look with Nancy.

"Is that Jonathan?" Steve asked.

"I didn't even think about it," Nancy laughed quietly. "I ordered from Surfer Boy."

"Argyle! What are the odds that my ex-girlfriend is here in Lenora Hills while my current boyfriend is the one delivering her pizzas?" they heard Jonathan yell. "It is not the same Nancy Wheeler. She's still in Hawkins."

"Man, fate has a funny way of bringing people together!" Argyle laughed loudly.

Nancy covered her giggle with her hand and went to answer the door, but Chrissy stopped her. Chrissy pulled the front door open and grinned.

"Hi, I'm Nancy Wheeler," she laughed.

"Oh, shit, man, you were right," Argyle said.

"No. . .that's Chrissy Cunningham. She goes to Hawkins High," Jonathan said.

"Oh, what are the odds?" He asked, and Jonathan elbowed him in the side.

Nancy nudged Chrissy out of the way and appeared in the doorway.

"Nancy?!" Jonathan asked.

"Hey, Jonathan," Nancy said meekly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"It's a long story," Nancy said. "And I'll tell you later, I promise."

Jonathan looked at her doubtfully and then looked at Argyle before sighing. He knew that something strange was up, but he couldn't say it in front of Argyle. He accepted their tip and dragged Argyle back to the yellow van, leaving them with their pizzas. Once they ate, Eddie took a nap, and when he awoke again, he started to work on doing the location spell again. Eddie looked down at the paper and made a disgruntled sound with his mouth.

"What?" Steve asked.

"It says Hawkins, but it doesn't give me an address. . .just a bunch of random letters and numbers. It's like someone doesn't want us to know. . .hm, maybe there's a spell preventing us from knowing," Eddie said.

"Well, people place runes on the fae children to prevent the parents from finding them. Maybe they put runes on their houses too," Chrissy said.

"Shit, maybe it's my house or rather the Harringtons," Steve scoffed.

"Well, the only thing left to do is to check it out," Eddie said. "I'll start preparing the spell to travel back to Hawkins."

"Eddie, are you sure you're well enough for that?" Steve asked.

Eddie smiled. He cupped Steve’s face and pressed a hard kiss to his lips before he leaned his forehead against his.

"I'm fine, big boy."

Once they were in Hawkins, Eddie once again vomited and collapsed. They were just outside of Steve’s house. Steve picked him up and carried him into the house. Eddie's eyes fluttered open, and he groaned as he tried to sit up.

"Eddie!" Steve exclaimed. "You should be resting."

"I don't want to miss this," Eddie said sleepily, wiping the blood from under his nose.

Before Steve could say anything else, they heard a figure coming from upstairs. Everyone downstairs tensed up, preparing for a fight. A woman entered the room. Her hair was long and carmel colored with warm golden highlights like Steve’s with moles scattered across her tan skin. She had Steve’s nose and his lips, but her eyes were a bright blue. Her flowered colored dress was as blue as her eyes.

"You're my mom," Steve gasped.

"Today, anyway," she smiled Steve’s smile.

Steve ran into her arms without even thinking. She hugged him tightly, sobbing. This felt right. . .her hug held more warmth than the hugs he received from the Harringtons, theirs being nothing more than cold detachment. His mother's hug felt like home. He could feel her now, too, in the back of his mind. There were so many emotions going through his head, and there was one question that was on his forefront of his mind. He pulled back, tears in his eyes.

"I don't even know your name," Steve said.

"Farran Kelley," she laughed, tears in her own eyes, and she tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Oh, you have your father's eyes."

"Yours too," Steve grinned as he felt his eyes glow green.

Farran laughed as her eyes glowed green as well.

"Your father was a fairy too, you know," she chuckled, and her smile dropped. "He should be here. . ."

"I'm sorry. . .I was there. . . I mean, I didn't watch him die, but I was in the middle of all of it," Steve frowned.

"Well, we warned the humans for years about meddling with that world. . .if I had known you were in the middle of all of it. . .I missed so much," Farran said sadly. "You're so grown."

"There's so much left to teach me. I still don't know everything there is to know about being a fairy," Steve said.

"Oh, so many wonderful things," Farran said and cupped his face. "My sweet boy. . .however, did you get that rune removed?"

"That was me!" Eddie exclaimed, waving from his spot on the couch.

Farran peered around Steve with a grin. Steve moved beside Eddie, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Mom, this is - "

"Eddie, my God, you've grown so much!" Farran said delightfully. "I haven't seen you since you were an ankle biter."

"You know me!" Eddie exclaimed.

"I was mates with your mum," Farran said.

"You were at her funeral!" He realized. "If you were friends with my mom, then why would my dad. . .I know he's an asshole. . ."

"So, you figured out that he was the one who kidnapped my son?" She asked.

"Well, I had to remove the rune that was on his back, and I had to be blood related, so. . .and kidnapping fae children is the kind of shit my dad would do," Eddie scowled.

He sat all the way up, and Farran sat down next to him.

"Your father loved your mother very much. She was the only person in the world who could make him cut all his bullshit but even though he loved her. . .he still didn't treat her very well. He left her all the time, and I was there for her when she had all those miscarriages. She had complications when she gave birth to you, and after that, it was harder to get pregnant. I did what I could being a fae healer, but not even magic has the answers to everything. It's something your father could never understand. Lizzie and I became close when she got to town. I was there when Al refused to be. That's what really drove him mad. He couldn't forgive himself for it. When I became pregnant, Lizzie became so excited. She hoped our children would be friends. A few months after we had you, Steve was taken from us. I didn't believe it at the time that Al had anything to do with, but his jealousy had been too obvious over the years. He always thought there was something between Lizzie and I, but she had become enamored with someone else. Even though Bobby and I split up, my heart always belonged to him," Farran said.

"My father's a dick," Eddie spat, and then his furious face fell. "Is there anything redeemable about my dad?"

"There's a part of me that still hopes that his love for Lizzie, for you, and Wayne will wake him up, but the rational part of me knows that will probably never happen. You know that you look like him, but I always knew that you got your heart from your mother even when you were a child," Farran said. "It's not wrong to hope that your father might do the right thing by you or the right thing, period."

"It's a small world, isn't it? You were best friends with my mother, and now I'm dating your son," Eddie laughed, and then he slapped a hand over his mouth. "I've gotten a little too comfortable."

"It's alright," Steve grinned.

"Oh! That's wonderful," Farran gasped. "Oh, Lizzie would be so happy!"

"Don't get too excited, mom. It's only been - wait, what day is it?" Steve asked and paused. "Eddie's only recently found out he's a witch, but he's the reason we found each other at all. He's exhausted himself so much to do it."

"Definitely Elizabeth's son," Farran said fondly. "Oh, sweetheart, you look exhausted. We should probably get back to my house. Steve, we should probably get you back to our house."

"We have a house?" Steve asked.

"Well, your father's family home. It's nestled out in the woods," Farran said. "You and your friends are more than welcome to come with us."

"OH! Mom, these are my friends. Well, Nancy's my ex-girlfriend, but now she's one of my best friends," Steve said, and Nancy smiled softly at him. "This is Chrissy. She's also a kidnapped fae child."

"If you don't mind, how did you know Steve’s name?" Nancy asked. "Didn't he have a different one?"

"No, Steve is the name we gave him. It was my father's. I guess the Harringtons were too lazy to change it," she replied, scowling.

"Oh! And this is my best friend in the whole world, my platonic soulmate, Robin Buckley," Steve grinned.

"Hi, Steve’s mom!" Robin exclaimed, hitting his chest. "I told you would find each other, dingus!"

Farran laughed and hugged her tightly.

"So, we're going to your house then?" Eddie asked.

"Steve, is there anything that you want to bring?" Farran asked.

"Oh, I've been wanting to leave for a while now. What I need is already packed," Steve grinned and ran up the stairs.

He came back downstairs with his hands carrying two large suitcases. He had the largest grin on his face. Farran helped Eddie up while Chrissy did the same on his other side as Farran promised Chrissy that she would teach her all about being a fae.

"How are we getting there?" Eddie asked.

"By car," Farran said. "Why? Did you think I had a carriage being pulled by unicorns?"

"Well, now I don't," Eddie scoffed, looking disappointed.

"Unicorns live in Scotland," Farran replied with a laugh. "And are a protected species."

"They're real," Eddie gasped with delight.

Steve laughed as he followed them to the front door. He walked out the front door with them, leaving the name Harrington behind. The name Newby-Kelley slid back into place. He was going home.

Months later. . .After the spring break from hell. . .

Steve stumbled through the trees, clutching his sides. Despite all the medicines Farran used on his son, the bites still hurt.

"It's just up ahead," Steve said.

"So, why did you move?" Hopper asked.

"It's my family home," Steve said.

"Figures John Harrington has more than one home in Hawkins," Hopper snorted.

"John Harrington isn't my father," he sighed. "He never was. Him and his wife hired someone to kidnap me. This is my real family home."

"Jesus," Joyce said.

"It's okay. I found my parents. I mean, my father is dead, but my other father, who is also sometimes my mother, is very much alive and is waiting for us," Steve said.

"I'm lost," Hopper said.

"No, it's just up ahead," he replied.

"That's not what I - "

It was a spacious four bedroom cottage type house in the woods with a stone pathway leading up the front door. Vines covered the house, sealing over every opening as though they were protecting it. There were vines sprouting around the house like a bubble as well. Steve approached the vines, and his eyes glowed green. The vines moved to create a doorway for them.

"What the hell?" Jonathan asked. "Hey, does this have anything to do with you guys being in Lenora a few months ago?"

"You were in Lenora?" Joyce asked.

"We were tracking down my father," Steve said. "We had to come back to Hawkins, though, because he had been tracking me too and tracked my last location to the Harringtons. He was my mother then."

"I'm lost again," Hopper said.

"Man, we're here," Steve said. "How are you getting lost? You're right behind me."

Hopper sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Joyce laughed and patted his arm.

"I think he doesn't understand about your parent being both your mother and your father," Joyce said.

"Oh! Some faes can change their gender if they wish. Today, Farran Kelley is a man," Steve said. "He's been my father the last few weeks."

"Faes. . .as in fairies?" Will asked.

"Oh, yeah, I'm not human," Steve grinned. "Let's get inside, and we can talk about this."

They went inside the brick house where they were led into an open space living room and kitchen. On the other end of the house was a fireplace where a cool, blue fire crackled. The walls were lined with shelves, and the shelves were stuffed with books. Pictures hung on the walls very neatly. Sitting on the couch in front of the fire was Nancy. Robin and Vickie sat on either side of her, rubbing her back as she cried. Steve felt his chest tighten painfully. Mike pushed his way through the group and ran towards his sister. Farran came down the stairs with Dustin. It always startled Steve to see how much Farran looked like him as a man. It was a good thing, though.

"Holy shit, is that a picture of Bob?" Jonathan said as he glanced at a picture on the wall.

"It is," Joyce said. "Why do you have a picture of Bob?"

"He was my husband," Farran said. "And this was his family home."

"Bob never said he was married," Joyce said, frowning.

"Divorced. We split after Steve was taken from us," Farran said.

"Steve is Bob's son?!" Will asked.

"He never said. . . ," Joyce trailed off. "Actually, he said he didn't have kids he was aware of."

"Steve was kidnapped and hidden from us by wiccan magic. We searched for years, and then Bob stayed here, waiting for him to come home, never knowing he was right in front of us," Farran said softly.

"He does have Bob's eyes," she said as she smiled at the both of them.

"I'm glad Bobby had love in his life before he died," Farran said, patting her hand.

"Okay, tell us everything from the beginning," Hopper sighed.

Farran shared a look with his son before launching into the story.

". . . And we did everything we could, but Vecna overpowered us," Farran said.

"Eddie. . .," Steve choked. "He and Chrissy. . .they died."

Suddenly, everything was hurting. Eddie wouldn't be here anymore. Steve wouldn't wake up next to him. . .no more dinners with Farran, Wayne, and Eddie. It would he a somber affair now with a piece of their family missing. No Chrissy coming in with Nancy to join them. No more double dating with Nancy and Chrissy. No double wedding under fae law. They were supposed to travel to Saoradh, the hidden land of the fae, this summer. Not to get married yet (that was far off) but to view the beautiful land and all it had to offer. Chrissy and Steve were supposed to learn more about their magic, their ancestors. Now, Chrissy was gone, and so was Eddie. Eddie.

"I'm so sorry," Joyce said softly.

Steve glanced at Nancy, who was hugging Jonathan tightly. Argyle stood somberly off to the side. Nancy pulled away and shared a glance with Steve. They moved towards each other. Nancy threw her arm around Steve, still crying. Steve sniffled and wrapped his arms around Nancy. What was going to happen now?

"I am here now," El said. "And I am stronger than ever. I believe together we can destroy Henry."

Meanwhile, in the Upside Down. . .

A figure jumped down into the gate from the Munsons' trailer. The hooded figure moved outside and glanced at the red sky filled with lightning. He pulled the hood down. Al Munson moved through the Upside Down, not stopping until he came to his son's body. He fell to his knees and placed his hands on Eddie's cold forehead.

"I've fucked up, son. I've done everything wrong, and I let my anger get the best of me. I wasn't there for your mom, not the way I should have, and I spent so much time blaming other people. You shouldn't have had to pay for my mistakes. There's one thing that I did right, and that was bringing you into this world with your mom. There's one other thing that I could do, and that's bringing you back. . . I still have time. It's going to take everything that I've got," Al said. "I love you."

Al cut up his son's shirt and began painting runes on his chest. Al took off his shirt before painting the same rune on his chest. He opened his spellbook and began chanting. Al felt his lifeforce begin to flow out of him, purple light floating from his chest. With the spell, Al told it where to go. The light began to pour into Eddie's rune. The last bit of light escaped Al's body and went into his son's. He collapsed on the ground, and as he took his last breath, Eddie gasped for his. Eddie awoke, clutching his chest. Shit, didn't the bats eat him alive? There were no wounds. . .only purple scars. Eddie turned his head to find his father's lifeless eyes staring back at him.

"Dad?" Eddie asked and knelt over him. "Dad?!"

Eddie sobbed. He already knew what Al did for him. . .but why? Why?! Eddie hated him for so many reasons, but now he was grateful to him. It was twice now that this man gave him life. Eddie sat up and took his dad's hand only to discover there was a note in his palm.

"I know sorry isn't going to be enough for how much I fucked up. I let you down so many times. Let Lizzie down. If you've discovered what I've done. . .no apology is ever going to be good enough to make up for what I did to those kids. On this paper, there is a list of names. Kids I sold, witches who have also sold kids. . Do with it what you will. You're already a better man than I am. . .I love you, kid. I know wherever your mom is. She's proud of you. Your story isn't over yet."

A couple of hours later. . .

Everyone stood their ground in the woods. Steve was fighting off the demogorgons and the demobats. His father was fighting beside him. Red lightning flashed over head. Steve held his nailbat, his eyes glowing green as emerald flames erupted around his bat. He swung the bat and hit a demogorgon. It whimpered as it hit the tree and exploded into green flames. More demogorgons came out from the trees, ready to pounce. The party was surrounded. The demogorgons launched themselves into the air.

"ENOUGH!" Henry's voice rang out.

They all heard him but they couldn't see him. The demogorgons paused, standing before them and waiting for their next orders. Steve scanned the treelines for any sign of the bastard. Silence fell as the party gathered together in a circle, back to back. Dustin was one side of him while Farran was on the other. Suddenly, they heard footsteps move closer, the snapping of branches echoing throughout the forest. She appeared, her eyes red and her smile menacing.

"Chrissy," Nancy gasped.

Fred followed after her, then came Patrick, and finally, Max.

"Max," Lucas gasped and moved to get to her, but Nancy grabbed his arm.

"Let me introduce you to my wonderful puppets. . .why would I kill them when I can use them for their power? Oh, I would have gotten to you too, Steve. . .if it hadn't been for Eddie. . .I had to do away with him - "

Suddenly, Henry was cut off by the sound of music. . .specifically the strumming of a guitar. Purple smoke, flashing with light, started to spill through the trees.

"What the fuck?" Will asked.

The purple smoke surrounded Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Max. Amongst the smoke, their eyes turned a bright, furious green. The smoke swirled around the bats and the demogorgons as well.

"NO! NO! NO!" Henry screamed as he appeared through the smoke. "WHAT IS THIS?!"

A shadowy figure appeared and started moving towards them. The music got louder and louder until a person appeared carrying a guitar covered in runes. Steve grinned at the familiar guitar and at the ring covered hands playing them. He recognized those hands. He came out of the smoke like a god, his eyes a furious purple and his grin feral. He was shirtless and covered in runes.

"Eddie," Steve gasped.

Eddie grinned and began to sing his spells. He was an angel and devil. Both menacing and beautiful. Steve was ready to get down on his knees for Eddie right then and there. The demogorgons and the demobats turned on Henry. Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Max all turned on him as well.

"NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE MINE!" Henry screamed.

"We belong to no one," Chrissy said.

Her hands lit up with green flames. She Fred's then Fred took Patrick's, and then Patrick took Max's. All their hands glowed with a bright green flame, and they shot out at Henry. The green flames encircled him, and he screamed as they began licking at him, burning his flesh. The demogorgons growled and dove into the flames along with the demobats. They all began tearing at his flesh, not caring that they were dying in the process. They all watched the flames until everything died out. Henry Creel was dead. The purple smoke was gone now, and the skies had cleared. Lucas rushed to Max immediately, hugging her tightly. Max crashed her lips to his. Nancy ran to Chrissy and immediately jumped into her arms, wrapping her legs around her waist. She kissed Chrissy deeply, shaking with sobs. Chrissy gripped Nancy's thigh and pressed her up against a tree to steady her. Steve stood and stared at Eddie in shock. The runes disappeared from him and his guitar. Eddie gave his guitar to Dustin.

"I'm real, big boy," Eddie said softly.

Steve let out a sob, and Eddie pulled him close. He dipped Steve and kissed him. Unable to keep their balance, Steve and Eddie stumbled to the ground.

"Well, hell, is anyone going to kiss us?" Patrick asked.

"We could kiss each other," Fred joked.

Patrick stared at him, and the smile slipped off of Fred's face. Patrick grinned as he looked him up and down.

"Yeah, okay, you're cute," Patrick said.

"What?! I mean. . .yeah!"

FIVE YEARS LATER. . .Saoradh. . .

Steve couldn't believe he was here, standing in his homeland with Chrissy, Eddie, and Nancy. Robin brought Vickie as well. All of their family and friends were there, including all of the fae children they had saved over the years. It had taken Eddie, Steve, Chrissy, and Nancy traveling in a cramped RV all over the country to find them all. Eddie hadn't been able to use his magic all the time. He was still amazed every time they came here. Steve gazed at the purple and pink sky, sighing happily. This is it.

"You nervous?" Robin's voice asked.

"Not at all," Steve grinned.

"He's totally nervous," Dustin said.

He pulled his head from the window and back into the small wooden building. He turned towards Robin and Dustin, glaring playfully.

"I'm ready for this," Steve said and tucked his hair behind his ears.

He clipped the fairy wings to his ears and checked his makeup in the mirror one last time. It had been centuries since the fae had lost their wings, but they still made sure to remember they once had them. Steve adjusted his yellow suit. It had been tough choosing between the suit and the fairy wedding robes, especially since the robe had lovely flowing sleeves. Steve chose the suit because his ass looked great in the pants, and he loved to see Eddie drool. Steve was more than willing to wear the jewelry, and if he knew Eddie, which he did, he had chosen the long flowing robes. Farran popped her head in, wearing fairy robes with glittering and moving flowers. Her carmel hair was piled on top of her head, with strands of hair framing her face.

"Oh, you look so beautiful, my love," Farran gasped.

"Thanks, Mama," Steve grinned. "You look beautiful too."

"Oh, I can't believe this is happening. Bobby and Lizzie should be here to see this," Farran said tearfully.

"In a way, I think they are," Steve grinned. "I feel them."

Farran patted his cheek and pulled him down to kiss his forehead.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

"Yeah."

Farran took his arm and led him outside. Dustin ran ahead to stand beside Eddie as his best man. Robin took Steve’s other arm.

"Hey, you're supposed to be my best man," Steve said in amusement.

"I've decided to give you away as well," Robin said. "I feel like it's my right as your platonic soulmate."

Farran and Steve laughed. Farran and Robin led Steve towards a cluster of trees. The tree branches moved aside, opening up to a large clearing where a lot of people were gathered. Eddie was up there already, Wayne crying and trying to get him to settle down. He adjusted Eddie's red, long flowing robes before stepping aside. Dustin was grinning with tears in his eyes. There was a large space next to them where Fred was standing up as Nancy's best man, and Patrick was standing up as Chrissy's. The music had already started. Nancy appeared first in her pastel blue suit, and her wild curls set loose. Ted and Karen stood on either side of her, crying. Steve watched as they led her down the aisle, and he laughed when Eddie high fived her before she got in place.

Next came Chrissy in her pink pastel suit, and her strawberry blonde hair loose around her shoulders. Argyle was happily giving her away, laughing when Eddie high fived her too. Finally, Steve was next. Farran and Robin guided him down the aisle where Eddie was waiting for him. With tears in his eyes, Steve couldn't help but think about how all of this started. Eddie had been in robes then, too, clueless about the unknown. He had guided Steve home, led him to discovering the truth about himself, and in the process, they had done so much good. It doesn't matter where you were, really, the people who were the most important to you, they were what made a house a home. As Steve walked towards Eddie, he had the same feelings as he did the day he met Nancy, the day Dustin came into his life, the same emotions swirling around him when he became friends with Robin and it was like when he hugged his mom for the first time since he was a baby. The truth of the matter. . .is that coming home happens more than once, and Steve was lucky to get so many.

[lunatic4toji]

thinking about richboy!gojo.

his mom gives him all the money he wants to buy whatever you want. they both love you.

he sets up mall dates, and you go into whatever store you want and buy whatever you want. he has one catch: he picks out a dress for you to wear to one of the many charity event parties hosted by his mom’s work.

and this is satoru gojo we’re talking about. so no way in hell is this dress appropriate for a company charity event. the one he picked out for you the other day is absolutely stunning on you. it’s not at all like what anyone else is wearing, for multiple reasons.

it’s very short, but of course that’s why he picked it. the slit? almost too high for you to even wear underwear. the neckline? shows way too much cleavage. (“not enough” satoru says.) would he fuck you in this dress at the company party? no. never.

that’s what you think until you’re in the coat closet, back against the wall and legs wrapped around him as his cock pounds into you. “mmph- toru- slow down-“ you can barely speak without your moans taking over and screaming his name. “why, princess? it’ll only make this take longer.” “someone- fuck- someone’s gonna hear-“ satoru smiles. “you’re scared of that?” you nod, because you definitely do not want his mother’s rich coworkers to hear you getting the shit fucked out of you in the coat closet.

“awh. princess. don’t worry.” you definitely do worry. the drag of his cock against you is brutal, and both the first and last thing you want him to do is slow down. “feels good, baby. so good, always. fuck- squeezing me so hard..” he grips your hips as he pounds into you, the wall behind you making a thump noise with each hard thrust.

“we gotta- ngh- gotta hurry, princess.. everyone’s gonna wonder where we ran off to, yeah?” you nod, and he moves one of his hands down to your pussy, his long middle finger expertly circling your clit. “you look so- so fuckin’ pretty in this dress.. knew i picked the right one.” you moan in response, eliciting a moan from satoru himself. “god, i love seeing you like this.. my pretty fuckin’ girl.. all for me.” you nod rapidly. “‘m your girl, toru..”

at that, his pace quickens and so does his finger on your clit. you yelp and he takes his hand away to slam it onto your mouth. “shh, princess. those sounds are only for- shit- for me. not those old asses out that wouldn’t know what to do with you even if i told them myself.” you clench around him, and he moans almost as loud as you did. he keeps his hand over your mouth and drills into you, his cock throbbing inside you. you tap his wrist and he lets go of your mouth. “‘m so close, toru.. cum with me. please.”

your words send him almost straight over the edge, his hips stilling and stuttering. he seemed to be malfunctioning. “god damn, princess. you’re- you’re- fuck. can’t explain it. just- so good for me..” he places his finger back on your clit and rubs aggressively. you twitch and spasm all over his cock without warning. you cover your own mouth to stifle the pornographic noises coming out of you. satoru should probably be doing the same, but he lost all shame years ago. he pulls out just in time, cumming all over the outside of your glistening pussy. you both sit with your foreheads pressed together, coming down from your earth-shattering orgasms.

satoru helps you up, grabbing a handkerchief out of someone’s coat and wiping his cum off of you, then sticking it inside your panties for later. he gives you a few quick kisses before smoothing your hair down and sneaking you around to the bathroom to touch up your makeup. he uses your lip gloss, then kisses you to put some on you so you don’t have to do it yourself. what a gentleman.

[severalforraelee]

The Wedding: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Photo credit to the.shelby.followers on Instagram

Word count: 2,072

Written by raelee / Posted Sep 6

Masterlist

Peaky Blinders Masterlist

I stare at myself in the mirror, dabbing a bit more blush onto my cheek.

“Can’t you just say that you love me, Tommy?” The tears fall down my cheeks as I stare at him, desperation written all over my face. He just stares back at me with a blank expression. “You- you don’t even act like it.”

“What do you mean I don’t act like it, ay?” He asks, taking a step forward. His eyebrows furrow, showing anger, however it’s a hint of emotion. “I bought you that necklace you couldn’t stop staring at the other day.”

“Just buying me things isn’t the same thing as showing me that you love me, you use it as a way to shut me up every time this conversation occurs.” I throw my hands up in frustration.

I could repeat that a hundred times- in fact, I have, but Thomas Shelby is never going to understand what he doesn’t want to understand.

“You know what, I can’t do this anymore,” I stomp towards the door.

“Do what?”

“This, Tommy,” I shout, turning around to face him for the last time. “Be in a relationship with you. You’re too focused on your Peaky Blinders shit to ever pay attention to me, and I deserve more than that. Well, I’ll give you all of the time you need, because we’re done.”

I shake myself out of the memory, quietly cursing once I realize that I put on too much blush. My hand reaches for the brush to blend it in.

This is my wedding day. My wedding day to Oliver. Tommy is the last person that I should be thinking about.

Tommy and I had that passion and intimacy, everytime that I was near him he would reach for my hand to hold to rub his thumb on the back of, or wrap an arm around my waist to squeeze. I could always rely on Tommy to feel like I was protected.

But I can rely on Oliver to actually be protected. Tommy lived a dangerous life, head of one of Britain's biggest gangs, while Oliver is just a banker. But being just a banker is okay because I don’t have to worry about staying alive every single day.

I can go to school and teach without having my partner’s safety on the back of my mind all day, and then go home and spend my evening with him without having to go to the bar every other night.

A loud bang goes off on the other side of the door, followed by screams and shouts. I rise from the chair in front of the vanity, staring at the door with fear and curiosity.

Do I leave the room to find out what’s going on? Or do I stay in the safety of the room, waiting for the danger to find me?

Before I can make a decision, the screams and shouts stop and it’s dead quiet again. I still have a decision to make of when I leave this room. My feet turn me around and I’m staring back at myself in the vanity’s mirror.

My white dress is on, my hair is curled, my makeup is done, and my ring is on my finger. I’m ready to get married.

My heels click on the tiled floor as I make my way through the church to the great room. My father stands in front of the large wooden doors, facing them.

“Papa?” I call out softly.

He turns around and smiles lightly at the sight of me. That’s not what I’m focused on, though. I’m focused on his pale skin and the sweat covering his forehead.

“You look beautiful,” he compliments.

Despite it, I frown. I step closer to him, gripping the bouquet of daisies tighter in my hand. I don’t even like daisies, but Oliver’s mom grows them so they’re my bouquet.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he stutters out.

“Are you sure? You just look… disheveled.”

“Everything will be alright, Y/N,” he tells me. 

His tone is reassuring, but it’s difficult to distinguish who he wants to reassure, himself or me. But why would he be trying to reassure me? What’s going on?

He holds his arm out and I lock mine in, both of us facing the dark wood now.

The doors open and the church music begins to play. My eyes are forward and a bashful smile is on my lips before it drops completely once I see who’s standing at the altar.

There’s not the familiar blonde hair or brown eyes of Oliver. There’s no shy smile that I’ve become accustomed too, or his tall, lanky frame. Nor the powder blue suit that we’ve been planning he would wear today for months.

Instead, I’m facing familiar brown hair and blue eyes. The cold, blank expression that he’s become known for is on his face- surprisingly, a cigarette isn’t hanging out of his mouth, but I’m sure in five minutes it will be. A full navy blue suit sports his frame, the chain that I got him for his birthday last year decorating his torso.

It’s Tommy Shelby.

“Papa, what’s going on?” I whisper softly, anxiety starting to flood through my veins as my eyes flit around the room.

My family and friends are still here- all seated on one side of the room and appearing petrified as they look back at me. On the other side, though, Oliver’s family is not to be seen. Instead it’s filled by Tommy’s friends and family and all of the Peaky Blinders.

My eyes return to Tommy and he gives me a small smile once he sees the gears in my head begin to shift.

“Just walk for now, darling, don’t think about it,” my dad’s words are reassuring but his voice breaks, telling me that whatever’s going on right now isn’t good. I could’ve guessed that by the way my stomach dropped as soon as I walked into the room.

I follow his advice, keeping my eyes on the cross behind Tommy as we walk down the aisle. I avoid eye contact with everyone, unsure of what’s going on and what everyone knows that I don’t.

“Tommy,” I whisper as we reach him and he reaches out for my hands. “What are you doing?”

“Let’s take that off,” he grabs my left hand, tugging off the gold band with a diamond on it, holding it behind him. “Arthur.” Arthur grabs the ring, throwing it on the ground and instantly stomping on it. My eyes widen at the action and I hear several gasps of shock from the people seated on my side of the aisle.

Tommy pulls a ring out of his suit jacket’s pocket, sliding the silver band with a much bigger diamond onto my finger.

Finally, he looks at me, smiling. “Marrying you.”

“Tommy, I-”I look around nervously, then speak quickly. “I’m supposed to be marrying Oliver, you and I broke up-””That doesn’t matter,” he harshly interrupts me.

I stare at him in shock, both from what’s occurring right now and the tone that he spoke to me in.

He clears his throat.

“None of it matters,” he speaks more smoothly now. “What matters is that we’re in love, we’re going to get married, and then we’re going to build a family and a life together.”

“I don’t know if I’m in love with you,” I confess gently.

His grip on my hands tightens then loosens. “What do you mean you don’t know if you’re in love with me?”

“It’s just, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, Tommy. I mean, the last time we saw each other you couldn’t even say that you love me and now you want to marry me?”

His facial expression doesn’t change. “You’re right, I can’t say that I love you. But I can show it.”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “We’ve talked about this-””You’re right, we have. Fine. I love you. Is that what you want to hear?” He asks, anger lacing his tone.

“You shouldn’t have to be pressured into saying it,” I argue, “You should want to do it because it’s true and you want to tell me, not because we’re fighting about it.”

Like he read my prior thoughts, he pulls a box of cigarettes and a lighter out from his pocket, plucking one out and lighting it.

I’ve always hated it when he smoked, but I know that it’s a hard habit to break. He says that he smokes so much because he’s stressed all of the time- and I understand why this conversation is stressing him out.

But this conversation shouldn’t be happening in the first place. I’m supposed to be marrying Oliver today, god forbid he’s still alive, but Tommy says that I’m marrying him instead.

“I can’t marry you today, Tommy,” I confess.

He tilts his head, an unasked question.

“We have so many problems and a negative history. I’m supposed to be marrying Oliver,” I remind him.

His face darkens at the mention of Oliver. “Well, now you’re marrying me, love.”

“What if I don’t?” I whisper out.

His face darkens even more. “What if you don’t what?”

My breath quickens, unsure if I want the words to escape my lips. Tommy will definitely have a negative reaction, but just how bad I’m not sure of.

“Go on, speak up,” he encourages mockingly.

“What if I don’t marry you?”

His hand reaches out, gently caressing my jaw. Just by that soft action, I know how much I fucked up.

“Oh sweetie,” he talks softly, like he almost feels sorry for me. “I think we both know what will happen.”

And I do. I know that he would burn down my flat, get my father and brothers fired from their jobs, threaten the local grocery store into not selling to my mother, and have Peaky Blinders follow me around so that I’m constantly paranoid and checking over my shoulder.

In fact, I’m surprised that didn’t happen when I first broke up with him.

But I guess I didn’t matter that much until he found out that I was marrying another man.

“So what do you say? Do you want the priest to start the ceremony?”

A single tear rolls down my cheek as I stare back at the man that I once loved, his cruelty now controlling his personal life as well as his professional life.

“Yes.”

~

“I haven’t gotten the chance to tell you how beautiful you look tonight,” he whispers in my ear, arms wrapped around my waist. Mine are around his torso, resting my cheek against his chest as we sway slowly to the gentle romantic tune that I had picked out as Oliver and mine’s first dance song.

“Thank you,” I whisper back.

Thomas Shelby is a troubled man. He has dangerous enemies all around the globe trying to find out his weakness to use against him, hoping to gain power and control.

Thomas Shelby has never had a weakness. He’s physically in shape and active so his body’s not weak. He’s cunning and intelligent so his mind’s not weak. His family is just as tough as him so they’re not his weakness. 

His enemies have been waiting for years for him to get married, hoping that a potential spouse and children would be his weakness.

And I know we will be.

It makes me angry that Tommy put me in this situation where I have to always be looking around for someone who might end my life. I want to be able to walk to the coffee shop and meet a friend, or go for a walk around the local rose garden without looking over my shoulder or having a peaky blinder assist me.

But… he’s Tommy. And he’s been my Tommy since the day that I first laid eyes on him. His cold exterior is what drew me to him, the curiosity of what hardened him, keeping me hooked on him for a year before our break up.

It still draws me to him.

When he gives me that look that he reserves just for me, I know that there’s a sweet man inside who just wants to feel my love surround him.

And that’s why I lean up, kissing him on the lips in front of all of our friends and family.

[fanficsformyfaves]

And I've Been Meaning To Tell You, I Think Your House Is Haunted

Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

WARNING: ANGST, Emotionally and Physically Abusive Relationship with Father, Hurt to Comfort

PREFACE: After a fight with her dad, Reader runs back up to her room, when she hears someone at her window

A/N: Phone calls are Colored and in Bold!

Sidney and Billy aren't together and Billy and Stu are not a killers in this A/U!

"YOU'RE A SHIT DAD! YOU DRIVE MOM AWAY BY CHEATING ON HER AND NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU SOLD MY CAR?! FOR WHAT?! TO BUY MORE FUCKING BOOZE?!", I scream,

Shoving him backwards. Just then, my father slaps me across me the face, causing a gasp to escape me as a result. I hold the stinging hand mark on my cheek, as the ringing began to pick up in my ears.

"Bitch to someone that fucking cares", he spits,

Sitting back down and picking up another bottle.

"Kill yourself", I say under my breath,

Before storming back up to my room and slamming the door behind me.

My life was a living nightmare that I couldn't escape from. Ever since my mom left, everything went to shit. All my father ever did was turn to alcohol to fill that void and he used me as the punching bag to distract himself from his own misery.

I wanted to go with her, but she was already gone before I even knew what happened. The only reason I found out was by reading the note she left on the kitchen counter when I woke up that morning.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

As I sat on the foot of my bed, struggling to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill and remembering the pain I felt on the day day she left, I hear something rustle on the other side my window.

"What the fuck?", I mutter to myself,

Getting back up. I reluctantly make my way to the window and open it to look outside.

At first, I don't see anything, but then I feel a hand grab at my wrist, making me scream at the top of my lungs, as I pulled away.

"Hey...it's just me", Billy reassures,

"Billy? What the-"

"I'm sorry. Don't hate me", he interrupts,

While climbing through to the inside of my room.

"What are you doing here?", I question,

"I heard you screaming from down the street", he answers,

Dusting himself off.

Billy and I met during sophomore year and got together a few months later. Him and his friends were the only people I actually enjoyed hanging out with. My dad never cared about me, so it was nice to have people that did. Whenever another fight would happen, they'd always insist on me staying the night at one of theirs.

"It's fine", I sigh in defeat,

Sitting back down on my bed.

"Doesn't sound like it", he joins me,

Before taking my hand into his.

"Look, I ain't gonna make you tell me anything you don't want to...but I'm worried about you, kid", he caresses the back of my hand,

As I nervously chew at my bottom lip.

"You know I'm always here to listen"

"It just sucks, Billy. He fucked up things up with my mom and now he's fucking things up for me", I explained,

He shakes his head, tucking a rouge strand of hair behind my ear. It was just then he notices the hand mark on my cheek.

"What the fuck?", he exclaims,

"Billy-"

"Did he fucking hit you?", he cuts off,

"Yes, but, it doesn't matter-"

"Like hell, it doesn't!", he yells,

Getting off the bed and rushing towards my door, when I make a desperate attempt to stop him by wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Billy, please don't!", I shriek,

Not wanting to make things were.

"That son of a bitch can't just hurt you and get away with it!"

"Billy", I sob,

Unable to hold back the tears from spilling any longer. His body softens and he looks back at me from underneath his arm.

"It'll only make things worse, please", I pleaded,

Seeing how distraught I was, he takes a deep breath and turns to hold me tight in his arms.

"Okay, fine"

"He'll hurt you too. Just...please don't"

I would've never been able to forgive myself if something happened to Billy.

"Hey, look at me", he says,

Pulling away and holding my warm face in his hands.

"I'm not letting you stay here. My old man's out of town for the week, so you can stay at mine"

"I couldn't impose-"

"It's not imposing, if I ask"

"I'd make me feel a lot better to know you were fine and what better way to make sure of that, then to have you stay with me?"

"I don't know, Billy"

On one hand, my dad couldn't give less of a shit where I slept, but on the other, I hated feeling like a charity case.

"Look, we could invite the gang over and watch some scary movies. I know you're a sucker for those", he suggests,

Making me laugh to myself.

"We could even stop by the store and get you your favorite snacks, obviously, it's my treat", he added,

Taking my hands into his. I couldn't help but sigh contently at his sweet he was. Every time we were together, it felt like nothing else mattered, except us in that moment.

"So?"

I take a moment, before finally agreeing.

"That does sound nice"

"Yes! Alright, pack your shit and meet me outside. My car's parked down the street, so I need to get it", he exclaims excitedly,

Pressing his lips go mine, as I giggle at his eagerness.

"I'll call everyone and let them know we're meeting at yours"

"Sounds like a plan. See you in a minute", he says,

Hurrying out the window. I pick up the landline and dial up Tatum and Sidney first. A few rings go by and they both answer at the same time.

Sid: Hello?

Tate: Hey!

Me: Hey, so, impromptu movie sesh at Billy's. Are you girls' down?

Tate: Hell yeah!

Sid: I'd love to, but my dad would freak if I asked to go to Billy's house

Tate: Then, don't tell him? Just say you're staying at mine

Sid: I don't know-

Tate: We're going

Sid: Tate!

Tate: Oh, come on, Sidney, I'll pick you up!

Me: I really want you guys there. I'm inviting the guys too and I'd rather not drown in all that testosterone

Tate: Exactly! We can't just leave our girl to fend for herself!

Me: Pretty please with the juiciest cherries on top?!

Sid: *Sighs* Alright. I'm packing a bag

Tatum: Awesome! I'll be there in 10

Me: Kk, see you there! Just gotta call up Bert and Ernie

I joke, before hanging up and putting in their numbers in. As I waited, I began stuffing my backpack with pajamas, toiletries, my books for tomorrow and a change of clothes.

The moment I was done pulling up the zipper, Stu finally answered the call.

Stu: Hellooo

Me: Hey, Stu! Got a minute?

Stu: Oh, I've got all the time in the world for you, gorgeous

Me: *Scoffs*

Just then, Randy joins the call.

Randy: Hello?

Stu: Ugh, why'd you add rat-boy?

Randy: If I'm rat-boy, what the hell does that make you?

Stu: Incredibly sexy in comparison?

Randy: You know what-

Me: Jesus, could we please cut the biggest-dick-contest short?

Randy: He started it!

Stu: Oh, grow a pair!

Me: GUYS!

I scold, finally causing them to fall silent.

Me: I was just about to invite you for a movie night at Billy's, but if you two fucknuts can't get along-

Stu and Randy: No!

Stu: I mean...fine. We'll behave, Ms.(Y/L/N)

He promises in a sarcastic tone, making me roll my eyes.

Me: Just get to Billy's

I eventually hang up the phone, pick up my stuff and climbed out the window. Just as he promised, there Billy was, waiting for me in his car. I hop in and he turns up the music.

"You ready?"

I smile and kissed him once more.

"Hell yeah"

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-”

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-”

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

“I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” “I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

[come-on-darling-honey]

stupid and heartbroken. [Embry Call x reader]

 You and Leah Clearwater have something in common, heartbreak and a inclining to stupid decisions. Slowly you and Leah find the secrets of the Reservation that took your best friend, Embry, slowly unravel themselves to you. But not without a little blood, tears, and love.   

word count; 2.5k

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

     Chapter three: explanations at Emily’s.

Embry, Bella and I rode in the front of the truck. I sat between them. Bella and Embry made light conversation. Jared was in the back; I could imagine how it felt to have the wind gliding across him. It’d be better than having Embry and Bella stuffed in next to me, my thighs touching Embry’s.

“Drive me home.” I said, my throat dry. I didn’t want to go to Emily’s. I wanted to go home. I didn’t want any part of this. “Or take me to Leah’s.”

Embry’s voice was soft as he told me that Emily’s house was safe and that they needed to explain to me what I saw. Bella assured me too. I didn’t want any part of this. I looked at Embry, he had deep circles under his eyes. His posture frail and his nails had obviously been bitten. He looked horrible, a small part of me was bitter that he deserved to feel like shit. That it wasn’t fair what he did. But an even smaller part of me felt a hallow ache within my heart. That ache grew bigger as we turned into Emily’s. it felt weirdly good to sit next to him, to be within his space, he sat straighter than he had in weeks.

I’d only been to Emily’s a handful of times when I wasn’t close with Leah and went to buy the vegetables she sells. The house was covered in flowers and plants, it was beautiful. Jared went in talking with Bella about something I couldn’t be bothered to listen. I’d decided I would sleep in Bella’s truck and would do nothing about what has just happened, I’ll sleep then Bella will come back and drive me to Leah’s.

“Come on sleepy head.” Embry said, lightly pulling me out of the truck. Clearly aware of my plans to sleep away the issue I was avoiding. I wanted to burrow within myself. Curse Bella for making me come all this way but I felt so perfectly seen in Embry’s arm.

“I really hate you; you know.” I whispered to him, keeping my voice steady and monotone. I wanted to be mean. To hurt him. He sighed and said he knows. I didn’t hate him, it’s like what Leah said. You are angry at what the situation is not the person you love. I was certain she didn’t love Sam anymore. Any crumb of that had been washed away. But she loved Emily, deeply and unequivocally. She was angry at her and had told me she felt physically sick when she last saw her but knows she’s grieving the relationship they had. When all of this first happened, before I’d met Leah, she’d been so angry at what had happened she’d trashed Sam’s place. Turned it upside down. She didn’t regret it though; she’d do it again. She just wished she’d stayed longer to spit in his face. Her mom had told her that she shouldn’t take her anger out like this, the people around Leah expected her to cry. Leah didn’t cry, Leah screamed. I hurt with my words, she hurt with her actions. ‘It’s like they underestimate how I am,’ she’d told me once, laughing about how Jacob’s dad compared the pair of us and how we didn’t cry. She was methodical and cruel; it was addictive to watch.

A soothing voice called my name as I stepped inside, Embry’s arm still wrapped around me. Emily’s long hair framed her face, dark and straight. She had a large scar that dominated her face and arm but was still as beautiful as ever. She hugged me. I was completely stunned, my arms hesitantly wrapped around her. What the fuck. She whizzed back to the kitchen. I stayed to the door. Bella was sat at the table talking to Jared and now Embry who looked back at me.

“Please come sit.” He gestured to the chair beside him. I sat next to Bella instead. Jared winced and Embry looked away, they started talking about wolves and vampires, debating speed and agility. Then Sam came in, complimenting Bella’s ease with this information. I watched as he made a beeline for Emily, kissing her lips and then her scar. He held her waist with such a gentle tenderness I wanted to vomit. Someone called my name again and my eyes moved up to glare at Sam as he spoke, asking how I was feeling. I didn’t respond. Filling the silence Jacob and Paul came in, Paul apologised to Bella and Jacob took Bella outside to explain something. Jared and Paul spoke so loudly I felt as if Sam wouldn’t ask me again. I didn’t want to talk to him. Or be here. I didn’t want to be involved with this [HE(1] shit. My ribs began to tighten, lungs constricted, and it felt like they were filling with salt water again.

“I take it you don’t want to be a part of all this, I get it.” Sam said, his voice strong and stern. I hated that I felt comforted by his presence like he was my older brother.

“I don’t know what this is.” I was surprised at how solid my voice sounded, I was convinced it would be weak and fail me. Sam sat down beside Emily and tried telling me the legends. “I already know the legends.” I interrupted; I expected him to be annoyed at the very least at how rude I was being, but he didn’t he was calm. He looked relived that I’d even stayed here. I could just get up and leave but I didn’t know where Bella was, and I couldn’t just leave her alone.

“Well, they’re all true, and we’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone.” I was about to make a snide comment about no sane person believing me then he added “not even Leah.” The entire kitchen went silent. I guess her name didn’t get mentioned much. “He carefully explained imprinting to me, like he was explaining how to diffuse a bomb as a whole town waited in pained agony. I looked at Embry, his eyes weak. Bile rose in my throat. I looked away, not knowing why I was still here.

Fuck this. My fingers burned as I dug my nails into my palms. I saw Embry move out of the corner of my eye. He shifted in his chair, swallowing something painful. I needed to find Bella and leave, give them a false promise and tell Leah everything, not leave her in the dark like Sam did. I felt drawn to Embry’s side, despite everything, despite myself. I wanted to burrow myself within him, know him better, understand him utterly. Let him give himself to me. As the door opened, I was saved, Bella’s cold hand on my shoulder to let me know she was ready to leave. I got up, quick, abandoning the table. Voices calling my name, Embry’s stood out even though it was the quietest. Maybe I was just too focused on him. I practically ran out of the front door, telling Bella how ‘shitty’ and ‘stupid those shit asses’ were.

“Bella take me to Leah’s.” I could see the apprehension in her face before I looked at her, my gaze still firm on the lush greenery. “Now.” My voice was solid. An old oak tree. Rooted in the grounds of dirt and pain, sweet and bitter. She didn’t protest, sucking in a breath she turned the old truck around heading back into the heart of the reservation, the Clearwater’s. It was late afternoon at this point, the hours went by so fast I barely noticed. Sue was in the front of the house setting up for a family party, one that I’d been invited to of course. As I got out of the truck, I muttered a half-hearted goodbye to Bella, slamming the door a little too hard. I hope she knows I’m not angry with her, but I wouldn’t tell her.

“Go get Leah to come help me.” Sue said as she stopped me for a hug. She smelt like citrus and sandalwood, she smelt like home. My spirits would’ve been lifted if I couldn’t shake the image from my head. Embry sat at that table, slight yet large, eyes dark, pained and never leaving me. Party decorations swarmed the home, some cousin’s birthday or uncle’s anniversary. Leah’s door was shut completely, as usual. But when I opened it, her voice echoed in an angry yell. I walked through and saw her sickly figure. Sweating and panting, red nose and dark eye bags. She was taller somehow, leaner, stronger. She exhaled when she saw me. Not noticing the reclusive way I held myself.

“Thought you were my mom.” She said turning around and grabbing something from the floor. Her pillows and blankets, she must’ve thrown them off as she slept. Her movements were heavy, sluggish. It reminded me of Embry before this all happened. “Pick an outfit for me,” she said, a smile forcing her lips. Leah wouldn’t tell me if she was sick, that I knew. But this would just be the flu. Only the men of the tribe turn when forced to and Leah wasn’t a man, all the sleepovers we’ve had I knew that much. I picked out a T-shirt and baggy jeans, taking one of her dresses to wear myself. As we changed, she started to just look at me.

“what’s wrong?” I laughed.

“I’m so tired.” Her fingers began playing with the duvet as she sat down on her bed, now made. “Like I keep getting so angry it’s like nothing else is even happening. I keep fighting with my mom, more than usual. And..” she trailed off looking out of the window. I sat next to her grabbing her hand and placing it in my lap.

“And?”

“And I can tell you’re hiding something from me.” Shit. How the hell could she tell? If werewolves are real witches are and Leah Clearwater was a mindreading witch. After a few seconds of not saying anything I can’t hold it in anymore, screw Sam Uley. Fuck Embry and fuck all this shit. Leah is the only person who deserves an answer. All I can think about is her, when I eat sleep and breathe all it is, is Leah. How we spoke about the apocalypse and if it ever happened that we’d survive and get a farm, killing anyone in our way for each other.

“I am. I need to tell you now” before I can, before my lungs can bring in air again Sue bursts into the room, talking about family being here and how we both need to get out now, she grabs our wrists and pulls us away. Leah and I look at each other, I with desperation and Leah with a festering anger that is morphing her face. The afternoon air hits me with a welcomed delight. Which is suddenly vomit inducing once I see Sam Uley and his pack of puppies stood around the garden, talking with neighbours or family members of the Clearwater’s.

“I’ll tell you later.” I whisper once Sue lets us go. “I promise.” She doesn’t look like she believes me. I wouldn’t either but I have to tell her.

The sweet afternoon falls into a dark evening slowly and painfully but I stay by Leah’s side throughout, begging for a spare moment where one of the pack aren’t in earshot but those assholes are always fucking near. It’s actually fine when its Quill, at least he entertains us but when it was Embry near I wanted to cry, slouched and frail he stood forcing a choked laugh at Harry Clearwater’s joke. It wasn’t funny. I knew he was watching me, when Leah’s arm went around me, he straightened, it seemed like a spike of jealousy mixed with pure raged flew through him. Leah was so warm, like burning warm but it was freezing, and the dress didn’t offer much for warmth.

“Can I talk to you?” A voice asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. It was the one I couldn’t stop thinking about, Embry.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you, fuck off.” Leah almost shouted, her voice rumbling from the deepest part of her chest. I assured her it was fine and mustered all my might to stand up, holding my own arms for warmth as I left Leah’s side.

“I’m sorry for how this happened, I didn’t want you to find out. But I did even though I didn’t want to.” He rambled trying to sort through his mind. I couldn’t interrupt him even if I tried. “But I don’t want you to think this is the only reason I like you, that the truth is I’ve felt this way since we were kids and nothing changed it. That I’m sorry I left but if I’d you know, in front of you. I think our situation would be a lot worse.” I think of Emily and the scar across her face and body. He’d felt like this for so long but when did he know. Know that he… and I…

“When.” I demanded, staring into his eyes with a fire so uncontrollable it burned me. “when did you know it was me,” this would be a really bad time to vomit but oh god it was just so much. I could smell the fire and the food, hear everyone talking about different things and feel his breath on me, warm and hot. His hands on my waist and arm. Letting out a shaky breath he told me the one thing that had been crushing me since the day it happened.

“I was there when you were cliff diving, I was phased and watching you, and” he breathed onto me, his forehead pressing against mine. “And I knew then, I’m sorry.” I looked into his eyes, into him. Seeing him for himself for the first time in weeks. It felt as if my head was lighter, a feeling no drug I’d tried could emulate. As our lips connected, moving in a sweet and perfect sync his hand that held my arm moved to the back of my head. We moved closer, his warm body melting into me. My head was fuzzy, light and sweet. Tongues moved in a fluid motion, as one. His warm arms around me, one of mine cupping his cheek the other raking through his hair.

But before we could move apart on our own accords my body was gently thrown behind him, screams and yells followed two seconds later. A tree log was thrown in our direction, Embry deflected it. The lights were a blur as I stood up, his arm around me. Leah was shaking, screaming at her mom, as her body shifted, morphed. Bones snapped and changed, she was a wolf. Large and scared. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She ran into the wood line. Sam, Paul and Jared all ran after her shifting into the woods. Harry Clearwater fell to the ground, hand gripping his chest. We ran over, I pulled Seth away. His eyes were huge and scared he couldn’t look away.

end of chapter three.

 an/ sorry for the late upload! i thought i uploaded this last week! I've been struggling recently but writing this made me feel so much better, i hope it makes someone feel at least the smallest bit better for reading it. Has anyone else watched all of TLOU? Our beloved actor Graham Greene was in it! I'm planning to rewatch the game plays of part two. Leah and the readers friendship is borderline romantic, they care for each other so deeply and intimately it would be hard to ignore it. Asks are open! colourblind is coming. i love you, take care. -em x

[spideycatt]

Wig Thief || 1610!M.M x Black!Fem!Reader

[Oneshot]

Synopsis: The one day you decide to switch it up Miles just gotta be himself

Word Count: 1.1K

Song Recs: Change your life // Kehlani, Snooze // SZA, Garden // SZA

Warnings: Fem black reader, reader has a mom, banter, mentions of weed, one sentence in Spanish, cuss words (and use of the word nigga), Reader has a smart mouth (kinda), incense, screaming, reader has a chubby belly (I think it's so cute I can't help myself)

Not rlly warnings: Reader has locs (on the shorter side), Miles is taller than reader, use of aave, wig-snatchin (incase some of yall got ptsd LMAO), Reader's kinda on the boho side (not entirely tho)

Lmk if I missed anything!!

You recently got your locs retwisted and went through every hairstyle in the book. And if you were being completely honest with yourself, you missed your afro. You voiced this to your mother and she immediately shot you down to your dismay.

"Girl get the fuck out my face with that nonsense." She'd waved you off, obviously not willing to hear you out.

"But ma! I'm starting to get bored of my locs, there's only so much a girl could doooo." You whined, flopping on her bed as she side-eyed you for not listening to her.

"Just get a wig, you used to wear 'em all the time. You not taking out them locs, and if you do, I'm not the one paying to get them redone when you regret it." She argued, going back to her loud Facebook video. And honestly, even though you couldn't take them out, you still saw this small compromise as a victory.

This leads you to now, in the hair store trying to figure out which one you wanted. You didn't want any flashy colors just yet, wanting to do something tame for the time being. Deciding on a dark-colored afro, you buy some more products with the wig and leave.

When you got to your house you immediately played some tunes on the tv and lit some lavender incense, you were gonna smoke a blunt while you did your hair but decided to save it for later. You sit down in front of your long mirror, braiding your locs back while watching Bumblebee on your laptop. You were so into the movie you didn't hear your bedroom window open.

"Whatcha watchin'?" Your boyfriend, Miles, whispered in your ear, ripping a shriek out of you.

"Miles, how many times I gotta tell you to stop doing that shit?" You say with a hand on your chest, heart beating a thousand miles (haha) per second.

He shrugged.

The mother fucker shrugged.

"Don't make me get up and beat you up."

"Damn, ma. I'm sorry." He laughed sitting down behind you, wrapping his long arms around your torso. He kisses behind your ear gently. "And you didn't answer my question..."

"I'm- Miles stop rubbing on my stomach." You deadpan at him through the mirror. "My Ma said I couldn't take my locs out so she told me to put on a wig."

"Why'd you wanna take 'em out in the first place?" He raised an eyebrow at you expectantly. "Uhmm 'cause I'm getting bored of my locs. You question me too damn much."

"What it look like?"

"There you go asking more questions."

"C'mon, ma I'm just curious.." He said getting up and looking for said wig. He looked at a purple bag on your bed skeptically, picking it up and finding a mop of hair inside. He quickly grabbed the bag and your phone and ran into the bathroom.

A beat of silence passes before you realize your boyfriend was missing.

"Miles, why are you so quiet?" And where was your phone..?

"Huh? I'm not being quiet— y-you're being quiet?" He said in more of a question than a statement. You finish up your last braid and stand up, shaking your head.

"I'm coming in there. You bet not be in my shit."

"What? I'm not in your shit —why would you say that?"

You quickly got your answer as to what mess Miles was doing this time. Lo and behold, this grown nigga, wearing your wig. With your phone in his hand. The wig honestly didn't look that bad on him, but his hair was out, making him look like he had a giant head. That and the hairline being way too close to his eyes made you hold back a laugh, feeling more humored than angry.

"Miles."

"Yea?" He said tentatively, setting your phone down on the sink counter.

"Give it here."

"But I look so good!"

"Nigga give it back!" You lunge at him, snatching the wig off his head.

"Ma! Now why would you do that!?!?" He whined snatching the wig back and holding it up in the air, making you stand on your tippy toes.

"Miles! Te voy a matar." You say quickly, almost losing your footing as you jump up to grab the wig out of his hand. "Careful mami you could hurt yourself," He said with a smug look on his face, before running past you into your bedroom.

"Good Spanish, by the way!"

"Miles! Give it backkk." You stomped your foot and pouted at him. It looked like he was gonna give it up for a second, but he put it back on his head. Putting his hand up to look at his nails, he swayed his head dramatically.

"Nuh-uh, girl!! This all me, girl."

"You just have to be you." You huffed, dragging a hand over your face.

"Ok, ok, sorry, baby," He said, walking up to you, taking the wig off his head, and placing it into your awaiting hand. He stood close to you, almost too close, towering over you as he placed a long kiss on your cheek. "Forgive me?"

"Nah. You owe me for this." You glare at him, sitting back down in front of your mirror to finish your hair. "How do some incense and waist beads sound?" he said, sitting down behind you to paw at your belly more.

"And Starbucks for a week." You said, smiling, starting your movie again.

.luv4miles

liked by .luv4ynnie and 567 others

.luv4miles idk why he think he funny…

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.luv4ynnie idk why you still acting mad when i’m buying you Starbucks for a WEEK?!?!

luv4ynnie

liked by luv4miles and 439 others

.luv4ynnie Thas cuz I am😁

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.luv4miles no miles, ur not. 😾

BONUS:

Apparently, you made too much noise jumping up and down around the bathroom, because you got a call from your mom on your phone. You answer it and put it on speaker.

"Yea, Mama?"

"Y'all making too much damn noise! I don't know who you think you is sneaking Miles up in my house— but if y'all keep making noise, Ima walk up there and handle you myself. And I swear if I catch y'all asses naked and canoodling in bed, Ima whoop both of y'all! And then Ima send Miles home and tell his mama so she can whoop him too! And you gonna be out the house for a week. Bye." She hung up quickly, not letting you respond.

You look back at Miles with a shocked expression to see him making the same look on his face. You guys make eye contact before laughing loudly.

"Oh my god!"

"I can't believe she thought- that- that we were, oh my-" Miles stutters, making you laugh even harder.

Kkuet.

[uluvjay]

Can i request “don’t come any closer! “ from list4 for Mason McTavish please?

Mason x fem reader

Warnings?; admissions of cheating, crying, arguing, angst, long distance relationship

The first thing that came to mind was mason cheating on his long term / long distance gf over the season and having to admit it when he went back home and drama😍, I hope you enjoy!

—

I stood with Masons dad at the pick up area in the airport waiting for Mason. Long distance had been hard and i couldn’t wait to have him in my arms again. It had been almost eight months since I had seen him and I couldn’t wait.

I must have zoned out because next thing I knew I heard Masons dad saying “here he comes” and then the two were in a tight hug.

When they pulled away Masons dad went to get Masons bags and mason turned to me, and i couldn’t contain myself as I jumped into his arms.

“I missed you so much” I mumbled into his neck and his arms wrapped around me.

“Me too, I’m so happy to be back home” he spoke putting you down. But he wouldn’t make eye contact with me and i noticed he was a little nervous.

“Mase you okay?” I asked as his eyes finally met mine, they looked different, the bright light that was usually there was missing and they looked sad when we made contact.

“Yeah baby I’m all good” he said before pulling me back into his arms and placing a kiss on my head.

—

A few hours later everyone was sat at the McTavish dinner table eating and catching up, but i still noticed something was up with Mason. He was a lot more quiet then usual and every time someone’s iPhone went off he jumped and checked his. His mother had scolded him multiple times for it but unlike him he still checked it every time. As everyone started to clean up i noticed he had slipped out onto the back deck and was on the phone with someone.

“What’s up with him?” His mom asked as i helped her dry dishes from dinner.

“Not sure, is it okay if I go check on him?” I asked not wanting to leave her with all the dishes.

“Of course sweetie, go ahead” she smiled at me

I thanked her before heading out the sliding door. At the sound my boyfriend quickly told the person he was talking to that he’d call them back later. He turned to face me but once again with a sad look in his eyes.

“I’m only gonna ask one more time, what’s wrong Mason? And don’t say nothing because I can see it in your eyes” I told him in a stern but caring voice.

He didn’t reply for a moment, only tipped his head back and took a deep breath, “I messed up Y/n” he said to me looking at the ground.

“What do you mean Mason?” I asked him, stomach filling with dread at what was about to come out his mouth.

“I’ve been cheating on you” he mumbled and i swear I could feel my heart breaking.

“What?..W-with who? Why? What the fuck mason?” I couldn’t believe him, all the times you’d had guys come up and offer to buy me a drink, attempt to take me home even after i told them about my boyfriend, and I never once thought about actually being with anyone but him.

“She’s a friend of one of Trevor’s hook ups, we’ve been sleeping together for a few months now” he told me with his eyes still on the ground.

“Are you fucking kidding me Mason!? You couldn’t have just told me you didn’t want to be with me anymore? You had to go and consistently fuck another girl?” You yelled at him not caring if his parents heard.

“I’m sorry Y/n, really you don’t deserve any of this and I’m a total piece of shit for putting you through this”

My tears were coming now, all these years I stuck by his side just for him to throw me to the curb for a groupie.

“Your right Mason! I don’t fucking deserve any of this! I’ve been nothing but a good and supportive girlfriend for the last four years just for you to end up fucking some groupie!”

“Baby please don’t cry” he tried as he began moving towards me.

“No! Don’t come any closer you asshole!” You yelled at him.

“I’ll ask your mom to pack my stuff and pick it up once you go back to California. Lose my number while your at it” I told him before walking back into his parents house.

As i reached the front door his mom was standing there with tears of her own in her eyes, “Honey im so, so sorry he did this to you” she cried while pulling me into a hug.

“I love you mama, but I really have to go and I promise not to become a stranger I love you guys to much , I just need some time” I told her giving her a kiss on the cheek and walking out.

[feelingisshit]

Katsuki Bakugou - Shut up, You're Beautiful.

Before we get to the fic, I just wanna say that this is (hopefully) going to be a part of a collection of oneshots of different characters I write with the same sort of premise in each one. So if you aren't a fan of Bakugou romantically I have more in store for this prompt and hopefully it'll be to some people's taste! Also I apologize that this is so short...

WARNINGS - swearing(this is a bakugou fic), (kinda?) body image issues, ill-fitting clothing, (affectionate)namecalling, Nicknames used: Dumbass, Princess, and Baby

I had just gotten home from the post office, having to own a PO Box instead of having our address be readily available due to Katsuki’s popularity. After picking up my package of new clothes I had bought online with the money I had taken care to save up I took the large parcel home to try it all on. After a long ride home due to messy traffic, I ran inside and placed Katsuki’s stack of regular fan mail on his desk. I rush to our shared bedroom and toss the package onto the bed before making a U-turn to go look for some scissors. 

As I’m rushing by the front door, scissors in hand, Katsuki enters our home. “What are you in such a rush for hah??” My long-term boyfriend recently turned fiance questioned. “Also you shouldn’t be running with scissors you dumbass.” He scolded lovingly. “I’m gonna go try on the clothes I ordered last week, they just came in earlier!” I exclaim, lightly jumping in place and I grab his hand with my free one. “Wanna join me?” I ask and he thinks on it for a moment before heading off towards the bedroom without even giving me an answer aloud. I follow closely behind, scissors ready and buzzing with excitement at all the new outfits I’ll be able to arrange.

Katsuki gets comfy on the bed and sits at a good angle to see our full-length mirror. I start to unbox the clothes and sort them into piles before even thinking of trying them on yet. “You pick the pile for me, Suki, I have no idea where to start!” I offer and he looks carefully at all the piles before finally settling on the smallest one of all. As time goes on and as I try on more and more clothes the worse I start to feel. My movements become lethargic and I start to get frustrated with myself the longer the activity I was once so excited about drags on. Before I get to reach for another piece of clothing Katsuki stands and walks to stand behind me.

“Hey, princess, I can tell you aren’t having a good time anymore. What’s on your mind?” he wraps his strong, built arms around my midsection and rests his head on top of mine. “Just… Nothing is fitting the way I wanted and I feel fucking gross. I even made sure all my measurements matched with the ones on the size charts but barely any of it looks good. I don’t know, I’m just sad that I wasted all this fucking money on this shit.” I admit and he chuckles a bit making me turn in his arms and glare up at him. “Sorry baby but we could just go to the store right now and I can just buy you stuff that doesn’t make you feel shitty. It’s bullshit that some shitty company is making my baby feel bad. Hell! I could even get my hag of a mother to custom make you whatever you want!” He confesses and I slap him at his insulting Mitsuki. 

“Hey, I’m just telling the truth! Some company that’s just grabbing for peoples’ cash without a shit given about the actual quality of their products shouldn’t have the right to make the most beautiful woman I have ever met feel shitty. And honestly, if you really care about these clothes enough I even can get my mom or dad to tailor them for you.” He continues, placing a loving kiss on my forehead before grabbing his phone off the mattress.

“Just say the word and I’ll do whatever I can to make you feel as beautiful as you are.”

[complicatedchelsea]

Fallen Through Time For You

Chapter Twelve: Built This House of Memories

Masterlist:

(gif not mine)

(Sydney's POV)

Halloween 1986

“Are you sure we can’t talk you into going, Stevie?” Eddie teased as we waited for Robin to come out of Steve’s house. It was Halloween and Robin insisted she had to get ready at Steve’s because her parents couldn’t know that she was going to party and what she chose to wear would give her mother a ‘heart attack’.

Steve crossed his arms from where he was leaning against the doorway, the sound of the younger ones yelling from the TV room was very prominent. “And leave the kids alone in my house? I think not.”

“Mom doesn’t want to go trick or treating this year?” I teased as I peered through the doorway to see them bickering over a movie.

They had all decided they were too old to go trick or treating, but too young to get any invites to a high school party. With one look from Dustin and Max, Steve had offered up his house for a horror movie marathon, refusing to go to a high school party when Robin offered. Eddie jumped at the suggestion saying that parties were a great place to make some cash and talked me into going because I had never gone to any. Plus spending the night with a potentially drunk Robin? What could  possibly happen?

“Fuck off,” Steve laughed as he nudged me. “Those kids in there couldn’t pay me to go trick or treating with them.” He looked Eddie and I up and down. “I’m surprised he managed to talk you into going.”

“More like she wasn’t going to let me go by myself,” Eddie said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Do you like our costumes? Sid picked them out.”

“She is right here, thank you very much.” I said with a laugh as Eddie twirled me away from him, dress flaring out. “I couldn’t resist.”

“Are they being gross again?” Robin asked as she made her way towards the door, fixing a generic witch hat over her hair. “I won’t be able to put up with it tonight.”

I stuck my tongue out at her. “You’re just jealous because you didn’t ask Vickie to go with you.”

Robin rolled her eyes with a smile. “Can we talk about your costumes instead? What made you think it was a good idea?”

“You saying I can’t pull off white, Buckley?” Eddie asked as he let go of me to sweep his arms out. 

Eddie let me have full reign over our costumes this year and I just couldn’t resist the duo. After all the shit that happened back in September and being harassed in public (which thankfully had come to almost a complete stop), I had decided that Eddie should be the opposite of what everyone thought he was. Especially if half of the school was going to try and buy from him tonight, I wanted them to work for it. 

I dressed Eddie as an angel. A white, blowy shirt that we definitely took from a pirate's costume, white-tight jeans that showed off his great ass, his white Reeboks that took way too long to clean, and some cheap angel wings we found when we went shopping with Robin. He put his hair up in a loose bun and the whole costume had me flushed since he first walked out of his bedroom with it on. 

Since he was an angel, he insisted on me dressing as the devil. A red colored lace dress, fishnets tucked into a pair of Robin’s boots, fake horns on top of my head, and we topped it all off with one of those plastic pitchforks. Robin thought the matching costumes were hilarious, Steve just shook his head with a sigh claiming he put up with our antics enough during the rest of the year. 

“You are going to be the talk of Hawkins High tomorrow,” Robin said as she hugged Steve and started towards the van. “I can’t wait to watch the jocks squirm tonight.”

“Call me if there are any problems?” Steve asked us before we left. “I’ll come straight over.”

“Don’t worry,” Eddie said as he clasped Steve’s shoulder. “No one is going to piss off the drug dealer at a party and risk getting thrown out.” Eddie shook his metal lunchbox. “Plus I’ve got my own personal devil watching over me tonight, what could go wrong?”

The party was in full swing when we arrived. Eddie parked further up the block, but we could still hear the music when we got out of the van. 

“I’m getting drunk tonight,” Robin said as she put her arm through mine and pulled me towards the house. “I can’t believe this is going to be my last highschool party.”

“Poor Steve is going to have his hands full with you.” Eddie said as he appeared beside me. “You’re not drinking, are you?”

I shook my head. “Even if I liked alcohol, I wouldn’t drink at a highschool party. But no, I’m staying completely sober tonight.”

“I won’t make you drive the van back to Steve’s,” Eddie said as got to the doorway. “If you really wanted to let loose.”

I shrugged. “Alcohol just makes me tired, plus I really don’t fancy my first time getting drunk at a highschool party. Have you seen what they do to the punch? No thank you.”

Eddie just smiled and pushed us through the door. The party was in full swing, music blaring and party-goers dancing around the house. We were barely three steps into the house when one of the Hellfire guy’s caught Eddie.

“Eddie!” He yelled and went in for a hug, punch sloshing out of his cup that Eddie had to avoid. “You made it!”

Eddie laughed and patted him on the shoulder before using that arm to pull me closer. “Wouldn’t miss it. The rest of the boys here?”

He nodded his head towards the back of the house. “Jeff and Gareth have already set a spot on the back porch for you.” Grant nodded our way. “Robin and Sydney! Looking good!”

Robin rolled her eyes with a smile, “I bet you're telling everything lucky lady that tonight.” She looked past them and waved to someone further down the hall. “That is my cue. Find me in a bit?”

Eddie shook his head. “No need. Sweetheart,” Eddie jerked his head towards me. “Keep an eye on that one for me? Come find me in a while, maybe we can scare one of the jocks?”

Eddie wiggled his eyebrows but laughed as Grant started pulling him towards the back of the house and leaving Robin and I to our own devices. I heard Grant give Eddie some shit about his costume and I watched Eddie just shrug his shoulders with a laugh. 

“So alcohol?” Robin asked as she took my hand and led me towards the kitchen. We pushed past plenty of sweaty people, a few that Robin knew and a few that sent me some dirty looks. In the kitchen, there were a handful of people surrounding an orange looking punch bowl, and with one swing from a cup I could see the disgust on Robin’s face. 

“I told you so, babe.” I said, trying to hold back a laugh. “Was it worth it?”

“Shut up,” Robin muttered as she poured herself another cup. “Let’s go have some fun.” 

Robin’s definition of fun was to find the rest of her band friends and proceed to get tipsy as they played different card games. After losing UNO to Vickie again, I left Robin at her side and decided it was time to find Eddie. I hadn't heard anything come from the back of the house, but I missed him. I was expecting a bit more of his presence tonight and possibly getting a few kisses by the angel before the night was over.

When I pulled the sliding door and stepped onto the back deck, I could see the Hellfire boys rough-housing in the yard. Turning to my left, I could see Eddie in all of his “angel” glory sitting on the railing, metal lunchbox sitting next to him as some girl dressed as a cheerleader was handing him some cash. 

“Are you sure I can’t get a discount?” I heard her ask as I walked over. “Surely with how you are dressed tonight you can’t be a little gracious?”

I humphed as I got closer to the pair, making myself and my disgust to the statement known. 

Eddie smiled widely and held out a hand as I passed the girl to help me up on the railing next to him. I intertwined our fingers and used my other hand to wave at the girl. “Are we done here?”

She crossed her arms, pom-poms swishing with the motion. “And who do you think you are?”

I let my smile turn a little sharper and crossed my legs. “Ever heard of the phrase “angel on your shoulder”? Well I’m the “devil of this railing” and I suggest you’d pay the angel or move on.”

“He doesn’t belong to you,” She snarled. “He can do whatever he likes. If he wants to give me a discount, he can give me a discount.”

I laughed and turned to look at Eddie. “Do you not belong to me, baby?”

Eddie leaned forward,a manic grin on his face as he pressed his lips to mine in what I’d call a very possessive gesture. When he pulled back, his hand tugged me closer so I was pressed up against him, his hand falling to squeeze my thigh. “It’s written right here on my wrist, so I’d say I belong to her. Now are you going to pay full price or not?”

She gave him the money with a huff, making her way back inside and slamming the sliding door back closed. Eddie chuckled and tossed the money into his lunchbox before turning his attention back towards me. 

“Having fun?”

I shrugged. “I missed you. There’s only so much I can take from drunk nerds and their card games.”

Eddie laughed and leaned forward to press his face into my neck, his nose rubbing against me. “I missed you too, sweetheart. I’ve been so lonely without my other half tonight.”

“Anyone give you any trouble?” I asked as he sat back up, a loving smile on his face as he looked at me. 

“Just you,” he said as he closed the lunchbox. “I think I’ve sold enough for the night. Gotta keep enough for my regular’s tomorrow.”

A yell from the yard drew our attention as we watched Grant and Jeff try to dog pile on top of Gareth. They landed in a pile, resounding groans coming from them as the rest of the party goers continued around them. 

“So,” Eddie started to get my attention. I watched him check his watch, “We have almost two hours before we said we’d get Robin home. Do you wanna check on her and maybe find an empty room and give you the full party experience?”

“Edward Munson,” I gasped mockingly and pressed my free hand to my chest. “How easy do you think I am?”

Eddie’s face turned red and he gently shoved me as he jumped down. “It’s your mind that went to the gutter! I was suggesting getting high-my true party experience bu-”

I leaned forward to kiss him and stop whatever train of thought that was about to come out of his mouth. 

“How about this?” I asked as I pulled back to see the dopey look on his face. I flushed slightly at the thought that I was the one to pull that expression out of him. “Let’s go check on Robin and just maybe you can show me some of the highlights of a highschool party?”

Three hours later we had finally gotten a drunk Robin back to Steve’s. Eddie helped me drag her to the couch and I took off her boots as Eddie went to collect the rest of her stuff from the van. 

“I thought you were going to watch her!” Steve said as he pulled a blanket over her. Robin smiled drunkenly from the couch, going on about something Vickie and one of the other girls did in the one hour that Eddie and I was missing.

“We did! It’s not my fault she got talked into shots the one hour that I was occupied!”

“Occupied?” Steve asked with his signature hands-on-his-hips pose. “What could you have possibly been doing?”

When I didn’t answer, Eddie decided it was the perfect moment to enter the room. He was tying his hair back up, exposing all the work I did to his neck. 

“What’s all the yelling about?”

Steve took one look at me and how my hair was hiding my neck  and to Eddie, his neck now proudly showing off what we got up to in that hour. 

“You two,” Steve pointed between us. “Are taking the guest bedroom tonight. If you make any noise to wake me, I will not be happy. Got it?”

“Steve!” I exclaimed as Eddie laughed. 

“Don’t worry Stevie,” Robin slurred from the couch. “Vickie talked me into it, just a little bit of Vodka!”

Steve groaned and pressed the palms of hands to his eyes. “This is what’s going to finally kill me.”

Thanksgiving 1986

“Wayne, are you sure there isn’t anything I can do?” I asked from the table. Wayne was stirring a pot on the stove; he had been in the kitchen all day excited to prepare Thanksgiving dinner for the group that was coming tonight. Well, a group that consisted of Max and Steve. After I found out that Steve was going to be alone for Thanksgiving, it didn’t take much to persuade Wayne to invite him over. Same deal with Max, her mom was working the late shift for extra cash and I couldn’t just leave her across the street. Wayne always understood when I made requests like this; taking in Eddie when he had no one else. Wayne knew what it was like to have a mismatched family. 

 “I could at least-”

Wanye didn’t hesitate to send me the look that I had been well acquainted with over the last few months. I thought Eddie was stubborn? Wayne put the man to shame. I had been trying to barter with him all day, to let me do something to help out. But Wayne dug his heels in, claiming that what I made for dessert was going to be good enough. Dinner wasn’t going to be ready for at least another hour, but Steve had already called and said he was on his way, bringing over a movie that he claimed he always watched at this time when he was a kid. Max was already over, sitting in front of the TV with Eddie watching an episode of Scooby-Doo and the both of them were already in their PJ’s. It was a Munson tradition to wear PJ’s for the major holidays; Eddie said it was because of the shifts that Wayne used to work when he was younger. Eddie just getting up and Wayne getting ready to go to bed. 

“Sweetheart,” Eddie said as he outstretched a hand in my direction. “Please come sit with us. I promise it won’t kill you.”

“I just might if you get gross,” Max said from his side. 

“What about you and Lucas?” I asked as I rolled my eyes and left Wayne to his devices to sit with them. I took Eddie’s outstretched hand and he pulled into his lap without warning. Max made a sound of protest and rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything else as she shared the blanket with the two of us. 

“What are you going to do when Steve gets here?” Max asked. “Can four people really fit on this small couch?”

Eddie sent me a mischievous look. “Well he can just sit on your lap then!”

Max snorted. “In your dreams.”

I laughed and Eddie just sighed dramatically and dropped his head to the back of the couch. “I guess he’ll just have to sit on top of you, sweetheart. It’ll be like a Steve and Eddie sandwich.”

I shook my head, the ridiculous image coming to mine. “Please don’t, the couch would just break under our weight.”

Max laughed and tugged on the blanket a bit in warning. “Here comes the good part.”

It was weird, watching an episode of Scooby-Doo a week after it came out when I had seen it from my time, way ahead of its actual air time. There was one week when Eddie was watching Saturday cartoons that I had spoiled the episode by accident because it was one that I had repeatedly seen in my time, but in this present time it was just airing. Eddie had pouted the whole day, refusing to forgive me until I had kissed it out of him later that night. 

Eddie was sitting mostly still, one hand rubbing up and down my back and the other messing with my fingers in my lap. I could tell he was excited. This was the first year that Wayne was actually here for the day of the holiday and he had more family over. He had woken me up so excited that morning, kissing every inch of my face as he rattled off all that he had planned. After dinner we were going to go over to the Byers-Hopper house (which came to a shock to no one when El showed up to invite everyone) for dessert, and Eddie had something planned for all the freshmen that he wouldn’t even tell me about.

It wasn’t too much later that there was a knock on the door before the door opened and Steve peered into the living room. “Happy Thanksgiving!”

Max echoed the sentiment with her eyes still glued to the TV as Steve sent the both of us a smile as he shut the door and hung his jacket by the door. “Scooby-Doo again?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Harrignton?” Eddie mocked as he moved me off his lap to stand up. “If you are going to hate on Scooby-Doo, you won’t be allowed back in this house.”

Wayne made a noise in the kitchen. “Stop terrorizing our house guests! Steve, do you mind helping me with something for a minute?”

My mouth fell open in betrayal as Steve made his way into the kitchen, passing Eddie the movie he brought with him. Max scooted closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder and threading her arm through mine. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course, squirt,” I said as I rested my head on hers. “I wasn’t going to leave all alone next door. You guys are the first family I’ve had in a long time.”

“Me too,” Max admitted to me, but she didn’t dare move her eyes away from the screen. “Since everything, Eddie’s made a point to check in with me, but since you’ve been here it’s like I have an older sister across the road. It’s been nice having someone else to rely on.”

I moved to pull Max into a side-hug. “You’re like the sister I never knew I needed, Max. Anytime you need me, just come straight over. I need you guys just as much as you need me.”

Max didn’t reply verbally, just chose to cuddle closer to me as we watched the episode progress. It wasn’t too much later before Wayne called for dinner, all five of us deciding to sit around the coffee table in the small space. 

“So,” Wayne started as he settled into his recliner angled towards the coffee table. He placed his coffee down and set his plate in his lap. “Eds and I have this tradition where we like to say one thing that we are thankful for that happened this year. I’d like to do that this year if everyone is alright with it?”

When none of us complained, Wayne smiled and picked his mug up. “While I have a lot to be thankful for this year, I’m thankful for the health of my nephew. I know that whatever happened during Spring Break was drastic, but I’m eternally grateful that he gets to sit here with me today.”

Wayne smiled at all of us. “Eds?”

Eddie cleared his throat, his face flushing slightly as he looked around the table and his gaze settled on me. He reached his hand over to grasp mine. “I’m thankful that I finally got to meet you this year, sweetheart. While it wasn’t the best circumstances, I’m so glad that I was able to have you in life. Even though you’ve only been here a few months, these have been the best months I’ve ever had.”

I squeezed his hand back. “I’m thankful that I was able to be with you, too. For whatever that brought me here, I have to be thankful that they brought me to you. My life was so boring without you, Eddie. And now I can’t imagine a day without you. You’ve given me a better family than I’ve ever had.”

Eddie sent a wide smile. 

Max cleared her throat. “Can I go now?”

It was two hours later that we found ourselves at the Byers-Hopper house. Wayne chose to stay back, wanting to watch the game and turn in early before his shift. He looked so happy as he hugged us bye, making us promise that we would bring him a piece of pie back. 

He stopped me just before I walked out, everyone already waiting in Steve’s car with Max arguing over the radio. “I wanted you to know that I’m thankful for you too, Sydney. With you being here, I’ve never seen Eddie so happy. You’re a part of this family now and for every future holiday.”

“Wayne,” I said as I felt my throat get thick with emotion. “You’re my family too. I’m so thankful that you took one look at me and decided I would be a part of your family.”

I was now sitting on the porch swing like I did my very first night, but this time I was watching through the window as most of everyone was laughing in the living room, some movie that Will put in was playing on the TV. Eddie had his journal in hand, Will and Jonanthan at his side as he made gestures to some conversation I couldn’t hear. I was okay with sitting out here to watch them for a bit, the love I was feeling making my chest feel full. 

“Sydney?” I turned to see El standing at the doorway. “Can I join you?”

I patted the seat next to me as El joined me on the swing, spreading a blanket over us that I didn’t see her bring out. “What are you doing out here?”

“I just needed a moment,” I said as I started to push us, El curling up beside me. “This is the first happy Thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time. No fighting, no passive-aggressive comments. I just needed a moment to soak it all in out here.”

“This is the first Thanksgiving I’ve had with everyone together,” El said. “Last year we were in California and while it was nice being with Joyce and Jonathan and Will, I missed Dad so much. I keep waiting for something to happen.”

“Me too, kiddo.” I said as I moved an arm to bring her into a side hug. “Nothing’s going to happen to us, all those people in that room would lie down their lives for you.”

“You too,” El argued. “You are just as important. We are all important to each other.”

I didn’t bother to argue with her and just kept swinging us. El was quiet for a few moments, following my gaze through the window. Joyce and Hopper had made their way into the living room, Hopper’s arm around Joyce as she laughed at something Steve said. 

“Dad says that he’s your guardian now, like he’s mine.” El said as she peered up at me.

I nodded. “Murray had to have a paper trail follow me here. The only way that he could do that is if he had me “placed” in Hopper’s care. Are you okay with it?”

El’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

I shrugged. “I’m used to people not wanting me.”

El sighed. “Well we both now have people that want us. Does that make you scared?”

“It does.” I paused. “There are some days that I am scared that I will wake up back in my old life and have no way to get back to Eddie.”

El shook her head. “I’d never let that happen. I’d find you anywhere that you’d go to.”

I hugged her closer to me. “I know you would.”

El sat up, determination etched into her face. “I don’t think you do, that’s why you are sitting out here. Away from everyone. You are a part of this family, Sydney. You are my sister just like Hopper is my dad. We are not related by blood, but that doesn’t matter.”

I pulled El into a strong hug, her arms coming around me to hold me just as tough. I let her break the hug, pulling back to wipe some of the tears that gathered under her eyes. 

“If I wanted to have a family dinner, would you come?” El asked. “Just us and Dad?”

“You could make it a weekly thing and I’d be there.” I said as El smiled and tugged me off the swing. 

I followed her into the house with no complaints, only being stopped as Hopper pulled the both of us into a hug. Eddie was waiting for me on the couch,  arms wide as I sat in his lap.

“Are you okay?” He asked me quietly so no one else would hear.

I looked around at the group in the living room. Steve and Robin taking the other end of the couch and throwing popcorn at each other, Dustin and Lucas arguing on the floor in front of the TV, and Joyce and Hopper sharing a mug between them.  

“I feel really loved,” I answered as I snuggled closer to him. “Thank you for letting me be a part of this.”

Eddie pressed a kiss against my cheek in response and just tightened his arms around me. “Thank you for wanting to be a part of it.”

Christmas 1986

When I came to, it was to Eddie’s humming and the soft touch of his hands down my back. I laid there for a moment, soaking it in and wondering how I got so lucky that I could wake up to this now. That Eddie shared his touch so easily with me, like we couldn’t survive without each other. When I opened my eyes, I became aware of our placement. Sometime during the night, Eddie had ended up on his back, myself draped over him and curled to his chest. Eddie’s head was leaned back on to his pillow with his eyes closed but looking completely content in the moment. 

His eyes peaked open and glanced down at me. When he saw that I was awake, his humming abruptly stopped as a wide smile stretched across his lips. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

I couldn’t help but grin back. “Happy first Christmas, baby.”

His eyes brightened in excitement. “Shit, it is our first Christmas. How does it feel?”

“Just waking up with you is making it number one for me,” I enjoyed the way Eddie’s face flushed. 

He groaned and his arms moved from around me to cover his eyes. “Do you have to be so sweet in the morning?”

I moved to straddle his lap and pouted at him. “You won’t let me be sweet on you at Christmas?”

Eddie peaked his eyes out of his arms. “Are you really asking me that, sweetheart?”

Before I could process, Eddie had flipped us, me underneath him as he straddled me now, moving his hands to my hips as he leaned down to kiss at my face, his curly hair tickling my neck. I laughed as he squeezed at my sides, legs kickin to get him off of me. 

“Eddie” I laughed out. “Get off of me!”

“That’s not my name, sweetheart.” Eddie sang as his kisses became more sloppy and moved down to my neck.  

“Baby,” I relented as I pushed my hands into his hair, still giggling. “Please!”

Eddie’s hands stopped and slid up to cup my face. “Was that so hard?”

I shoved at him before he caught my hands and held them over my head as he leaned down to give me a proper kiss. I sank back into the pillows, too occupied with his mouth to form a smartass remark.

A banging on the bedroom door broke us apart, Eddie’s face hiding in my neck as I felt the heat that came off his cheek from his embarrassment. 

“Kiddos! I made breakfast!” Wayne shouted from the other side of the door. “Come out so we can celebrate Christmas!”

I giggled quietly as Eddie groaned in my neck before he sat up in my lap. I raised myself onto my elbows as he stretched his arms over his head before looking down at me. I felt myself flush under his gaze. “What?”

He smiled before rolling off of me and standing next to the bed to help me up. “Just looking at you, sweetheart. Just looking at you.”

Similar to their Thanksgiving traditions, the Munson’s had their fair share of Christmas traditions. Wayne made a huge real breakfast in the morning, pancakes from scratch that barely took any begging from Eddie to have chocolate chips in them. Eddie turned the TV to a channel that was showing kid’s cartoons, claiming that when Wayne worked the night shift he would come home and watch a few cartoons with Eddie before opening gifts and heading to bed. Some Scooby-Doo episode played on the TV as Eddie made sure I was comfortable before heading to help Wayne in the kitchen. I couldn’t even complain before Eddie was throwing a blanket on top of me and giving me a mug of hot chocolate with a look that said not to move. 

When breakfast was finished, Eddie returned with two plates stacked high with pancakes and just downed in syrup. “Are you trying to give me diabetes?”

Wayne laughed as he dropped into the recliner next to me, his plate stacked just as high but missing the sugary syrup. “I don’t know how he doesn’t have it already with all the sugar he eats.”

I pouted as Edddie sat next to me, fixing the blanket in my lap and moving my mug to the coffee table.”You eat all this sugar but won’t let me be sweet on you?”   

Wayne let out a gruff laugh as Eddie’s face turned red and instead of replying he just shoved a bag of pancake in his mouth.

Eddie could barely wait for Wayne and I to finish breakfast, bouncing on the touch and taking the plates to the kitchen to soak while Wayne sat up with a groan and headed towards the tiny tree in the corner of the living room.  It was a whole event to get the Christmas tree up. I had never had a real Christmas tree before with my father being allergic, and Wayne had just pulled the most offended face and we went that day to get one. When Wayne had left for work that night, Eddie and I spent hours decorating the TV and different parts of the trailer with Metallic playing on low. Eddie had demanded that we spent the night watching Christmas movies and combating the coldness of the trailer. 

Now, in the present watching Wayne open the gift that the kids picked out, it felt like my first real Christmas. No being forcibly woken up to cook breakfast or either being given the cold shoulder because the gift wasn’t deemed “expensive” enough. But now, watching Eddie as he pulled out another Garfield mug to add to the collection, this felt like an actual Christmas. 

“Now,” Wayne started as he put the rest of the wrapping paper in a trash bag. “I have one more gift for you, kiddo. It’s not anything special, but I just wanted you to have it.”

Wayne reached into the tree and pulled out a tiny wrapped box. He handed it to me silently, choosing to take a seat on the coffee table in front of me. With a questioning glance at Eddie and one sent back at me, I unwrapped it to find a very tiny white box. 

“Wayne-” I started. 

“Sydney, just open it.”

Inside the box was a golden key. 

“Now I know that you have lived here for months,” Wayne started as I stared down at the key. Is this what I thought it was? “And you’ve been a part of this family since the moment Eddie brought you through that door. But you deserve a key because this is your home and I need you to feel like you are welcome here. No matter what happens kiddo, you always will have a home in this trailer.”

I felt my throat get thick with emotion and tears blurred my vision as I looked at Wayne. 

“Are you sure?”

Wayne let out a gruff chuckle and pulled me forward into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms tight around him in return, my new house key pressing harshly into my palm. “Kiddo, there is nothing more I want than you having a place here.”

I laughed wetly and felt Eddie wrap his arms around me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. I was surrounded by my new family, one that I didn’t know how I got so lucky to belong to. 

Several hours later, Eddie offered the idea of going on a walk before the sunset and the temperature got too low outside. We left Wayne inside to a sports game and I got to lock the trailer door with my new key, Eddie laughing at my excitement.    

Bundled in several layers to ward off the cold, Eddie walked us around until we reached a rusted out playground on the other side of the trailer park. He wasted no time pulling me over to the iced over swings, taking off one his layers to place on the swing before forcing me to sit and push me gently. It started to snow softly around us, the sun becoming more and more amber in the sky, creating a beautiful sunset in the midst of the cold in Hawkins. 

“How does this Christmas rank now, sweetheart?” Eddie asked me from behind. His hands gently pushed my upper back, my feet making trails in the packed snow below me. “Is it number one?”

I planted my feet to stop the swinging, making Eddie pause for a moment before his hands left my shoulder and then he was kneeling in front of me. His beautiful brown eyes were glowing in the setting sun, his cheeks rosy against the harsh cold. I moved to take a glove off, wanting to touch his rosy skin with my hands. 

“Just waking up with you this morning already made it number one.” I confessed, my breathing coming out in a cloud of fog between us, his breath matching mine. “But I don’t think I’ve ever felt as loved as I have today.”

Eddie smiled widely, biting at his lip as he rested his arms on my dangling legs. “Really?”

In this moment, in front me, Eddie looked so perfect. With the snow gently falling around us and landing in his beautiful curls, to the way he looked at me. An emotion so great swelled in my chest, one that had been slowly building since I woke up here all those months ago. It was burning in my veins, feeling up every inch of me on the inside; fighting to get out and to be known to him. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” I confessed to him, my quiet voice carrying across the frozen wonderland. 

Eddie’s face didn’t change for a moment. His eyes searched mine before his cheeks flushed even more and his smile won out against him biting his lip. He leaned up at me to kiss me so softly, his gloved hands cradling my face like I was the most precious thing he had ever held in his life. The moment was so tender, so sweet, that I felt tears start to swell in my eyes. I had never been held this tenderly, kissed with this much emotion that I could feel it being passed back to me through the mark.  

“Sydney.” Eddie breathed as he pulled back and moved his hands from my face. He tore his gloves off in a hurry, his hand searching for my wrist and running his fingers over our mark. “Falling? Sweetheart, I fell for you the moment I saw my name on your wrist. I’ve been in love with you for all of my life, I just hadn’t met you yet. But I can wait for you to catch up, to be completely in love with me. I’ve waited lifetimes for you, what’s a little more?”

For a second time that day, I cried. I leaned down to meet him halfway again, kissing him with what I hoped was every ounce of love I had in my body. Eddie sighed quietly, and the adoration that he felt for me, I could feel that tenfold through the mark. He only pulled back when he needed to breathe and with a mischievous smile, he pulled me down into the snow next to him. Our laughter lighting up the snow-filled sky. 

1987

“So no vodka for you,” Steve said as he snatched the bottle out of Robin’s hand and replaced it with a wine glass that I believe was filled with a softer liquor. “I am not having a repeat of Halloween.”

Robin protested at Steve as he sat down next to her on the pool lounger, tugging his bottle of beer closer to his chest. 

I felt Eddie’s chest shake into my back as he wrapped his arms tighter around me, grabbing at the blanket that Steve threw overtop of us when he took all of us out here. It was a last minute decision to have a New Year’s Eve party at his house, but Steve wanted to be able to celebrate the new year with the people he loved. Even if that included all the underage ones in the house, watching the ball drop with cups of apple cider that they liked to pretend was alcohol. 

Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, Eddie, and I were all camped out by the pool, drinks in hand as the year was counting down. Nancy talking about how excited she was to be able to graduate and attend Emerson, Robin choosing to take a gap-year to figure out exactly what she wanted to do, and Eddie determined to make ‘87 his year and finally get done with Hawkins High. 

“Did you accomplish any of your new year resolutions?” Nancy asked me. “Do you have any in mind for next year?”

I smiled as I cuddled closer to Eddie, feeling his arms tighten around me in return and a kiss being pressed to the back of my head. “As corny as it might sound, I actually think I did. I, ah, I said that I was finally gonna get out there and find people of my own. I was going to try and move out from under my parents and become my own person.” I turned my head to look up at Eddie. “I kind of did all of that in one day, didn’t I?”

Eddie smiled sweetly down at me. “What are you gonna set for this year?”

“Ah, ah.” I said as I waved a finger at him. “I don’t think I should tell you, you might try to steal mine.”

Eddie gasped dramatically and pulled me closer to him, teetering us over the side of the chair. “The betrayal!”

I laughed and heard the sound of groans around us. Nancy cleared her throat and when I looked at her, she was smiling. “As happy as it makes us that you two are happy, I might just wish for a little less PDA this year.”

Steve raised his beer in agreement and Eddie’s mouth dropped open. “We aren’t that bad!”

Jonathan snorted into his cup and Eddie had the audacity to look shocked. 

“Baby,” I said as drew his attention towards me. “We are kind of clingy.”

“Clingy?” Eddie repeated and scoffed. “If they think this is clingy then they haven’t seen anything yet.”

Before Nancy could argue, the backdoor slid open with El and Will standing in the doorway. El was bouncing with excitement. “It’s about to start! Come in so you can do the countdown with us.”

Jonathan laughed and pulled Nancy up with him as they started towards the door. With a ruffle of Will’s hair, the three of them disappeared into the doorway. Steve pushed Robin off the chair with a laugh and the two of them bickered as Robin threw an arm around El and they made their way into the house. As I stood up to take Eddie with me, he stopped me. 

“Do you think we could stay out here for this?” He asked me as I sat back down in front of him, his hand already reaching for mine. “I want to be able to kiss you and not hear any complaints from there.”

“You know they were just teasing us, right?” I asked him as I let him take my hand. I don’t think there would ever be a day that I wouldn’t not let him take it. “But if you want to stay out here, that’s fine with me.”

Eddie smiled and his cheeks flushed. “No, I know. I just want to be with you for the countdown. Bring the year in together, just us?”

I laughed and leaned into his space to kiss his cheek. “That’s fine with me.”

Eddie settled back against the chair and with grabbing motion towards me, I let him pull me back against his chest. He moved us forward just a bit so he could pull the blanket back over us, and then sighed as he settled down behind me. 

“So,” Eddie started, his fingers tracing shapes around my mark. No matter where we were, or where he was touching me, Eddie’s hands always seemed drawn to my mark. “I have to make sure before the new year comes ringing in. I’m your boyfriend, right?”

I let out a surprised laugh but stopped when I realized that Eddie had froze behind me. I moved forward in his lap so I could turn to face him. “Wait, you’re not serious are you? Of course you are, Eddie.”

Eddie’s gaze moved to his lap, his fingers twisting around each other. “It’s just, I didn’t think I asked you?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?” I asked him. “We are soulmates, aren’t we?”

Eddie groaned and pushed his palms against his eyes. “I just got nervous about asking you! I just wanted to make sure that we were going into 1987 being on the same page!”

“Baby,” I sighed softly and moved so I could take his hands away from his eyes and intertwine them with my own. “What’s going on?”

Eddie took a moment to look up at me. “You’ve been here about three months, right?”

I nodded and squeezed his hands. “And?”

Eddie shrugged. “I was just thinking about the future today. It’s about to be the new year. New year means that things are going to be changing. Are you going to go through these changes with me?”

“Baby,” I said as I moved forward to be completely in his lap. “Wherever you go, I go. Whatever we decide to get up to this year, I’m going to be right beside you.”

“Are you scared?” Eddie asked me.

“Not since the day I met you,” I told him and I meant it. Sure, I was worried and had a minor freakout about my predicament. But being with Eddie felt right, being here in 1986 with him I felt more at home than I ever had. 

Eddie smiled and we could hear the start of the countdown from inside the house. He wrapped his arms around me, drawing me closer to him with our chests brushing against each other. I felt his warm breath hit my face and the cold air around us seemed to disappear. 

“To making ’87 our year,” Eddie murmured against my lips as loud cheers reached our ears. He surged forward to bring his lips completely against mine, kissing me passionately as I heard the noise of some fireworks going off in the distance. When I pulled back, I could see the lights reflecting off his beautiful face. 

“I love you,” I breathed into the air between us. 

Eddie’s eyes searched mine, his chest rising and falling harshly against mine. When he found what he was looking for, a love-sick smile made its way across his face 

“I know,” Eddie muttered. 

It took me a moment to process his response before I reared back, leaning as much as I could out of his space with his arms around me. “I know? Eddie, did you just quote fucking Star Wars to me?” 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open in amusement and I just pushed against him trying to get out of his lap. “I take it back.”

“Wait!” Eddie laughed as I stood up and wrapped the blanket around me. “Sydney! Don’t walk away! I’m sorry, sweetheart!.”

“It’s too late!” I said dramatically as I pushed away his arm as he tried to stand up. “I can’t believe you quoted Star Wars to me the first time I said I loved you!”

Eddie fell off the chair and grabbed at my ankle as I went to walk towards the house.

“Sweetheart!” Eddie laughed and I could barely keep my laughter in. He knew I wasn’t mad at him, he could feel the adoration I had for him through the mark. “I love you! Please!” 

Valentines Day 1987

“Steve!” Robin groaned. “Do not start this now!”

“I’m just saying,” Steve argued back at Robin. “Eddie has the advantage that Sydney is literally his soulmate, she has to like his flirting. That aside, I don’t think Eddie is that good at flirting!”

Currently Eddie and I had gone into Family Video to rent a movie and were sucked into an argument that Steve and Robin were currently having. Steve was laminating about his lack of dates for Valentine’s Day while Robin had blamed it on his horrible flirting. 

I snorted and Steve sent me an annoyed look. “I’m sorry Steve. Objectively, I am not going to be able to help with your argument. I can hardly tell when Eddie is flirting half the time.”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open. “I flirt with you all the time!”

I waved my hand. “Point made. Social cues, not really my thing. If Eddie’s name wasn’t on my wrist, I don’t think I would have realized he was it for me until he literally had to spell it out in front of me.”

Eddie gawked at me while Robin tried to hide her laughter behind her hand. “Do you think you could do any better?”

I raised my eyebrows at Eddie. “Is that a challenge?”

Eddie moved to lean his back against the counter, elbows bent and resting there. I moved to step in front of him, Steve and Robin taking a step back from the counter to watch us. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before I let a small smile paint my lips. 

“Eddie, baby. Can I hold your hand?” 

I heard Steve scoff from behind Eddie, but I paid it no mind as I stepped into Eddie’s space and held my out for him to place his in. Eddie’s eyes were wide, but gave nothing away as he gently placed his hand in mine. I made a point to gently trace a finger around his palm before I flipped his hand over and traced at his knuckles. 

“As nice as your hand feels in mine,” I started as I gazed up at him under my lashes trying to hood my eyes. “I think it might feel better wrapped around my neck.”

Eddie sucked in a shocked breath, his face turning very red. I heard Steve sputter and Robin bust into laughter. 

“I-uh.” Eddie tried to say as he stood up from his slouched position, but making sure his hand stayed in mine. “Sweetheart?”

Steve threw his hands up and I couldn’t help but giggle as I leaned closer to Eddie. 

“Didn’t mean to fluster you, baby.” I said as I dropped his hand and moved to push a rouge hair from his ponytail behind his ear. “Just had to let you see how well I can dish it out.”

Eddie’s other hand came up to rest against his chest, his face still beet red. “You can’t say things like that to me in public, sweetheart.”

Steve slapped a case down on the counter behind Eddie. “That is so not fair. I can’t just say that to a girl!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe to the ones you are chasing. But the right one? You’ll have her melting in her seat.”

Robin had finally quieted down before reaching forward with her hand above Eddie’s shoulder. I slapped her open palm for a high-five while Eddie just rolled his eyes with a smile. “You gotta teach me how to flirt with girls like that. Steve is no help at all!”

Steve sputtered again. “Robin!”

“It’s okay, Stevie.” I teased as I moved around Eddie to pat his hand. “You know how to flirt with some girls. I might just help Robin with the rest.”

Steve just took a deep breath as he stared at the ceiling. We all gave him a moment, fighting smiles as Steve had to reel himself in. He cleared his throat. “To change topics, what is everyone doing for Valentine’s Day?”

Robin shuffled some cases around. “Vickie and I might be going to see a movie?”

“Robin!” I exclaimed excitedly. “Look at you!”

Robin shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s a date. How do you see if it’s a date without giving it away that you want it to be a date?”

Steve shrugged. “You’ll know.”

Robin groaned and lowered her head into her hands. “That’s literally no help.”

“I’ve got something planned,” Eddie butted in. He sent me a wink. “Something that you’ll definitely enjoy.”

“You’re not going to share with the class?” I asked with a smile as I leaned into his side. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

“Oh, I know.” Eddie chuckled as his arm wrapped around my shoulders to keep me there. “But you won’t know until than.”

That’s all Eddie gave me, and I had to wait days to find out. Valentines Day fell on friday, which meant Eddie still had to go to school and our plans had to wait until after. Before I headed to Steve’s for the day, I stuck an obnoxious card in his lunchbox for him to find during the day. When school ended and I tagged along with Steve for Robin pickup, Eddie was sitting at the back of his van with both doors thrown open. He didn’t waste any time throwing the passenger door open and pulling me from Steve’s car, twirling me in a circle.

“Eddie!” I laughed as I lost my balance and fell into his chest. 

“Sydney,” Eddie said as his arms wrapped around my waist. “You can’t just leave cards for me to find like that. I might think you’re in love with me.”

My face flushed as I peered up at him. “I love you.”

Eddie groaned and his head fell back. “You can’t just say things like that!”

I laughed and moved out of the way so Robin could get in the passenger seat. “Have fun!”

Robin gave me thumbs up as Steve drove off and it just left Eddie and I in the parking lot. “C’mon,” Eddie said as he tugged me towards the van. “We have to go back to the trailer to change and then we will be on our way.”

To my surprise, when we got back to the trailer Eddie insisted that we change into some PJ’s. Giving me a hoodie of his to wear, he sent me off the bathroom to change with a promise of dinner. Once we were both changed, we got into the van and Eddie started driving in the direction of town. No matter how much I pleaded, the man would not give any answers. 

When Eddie parked next to the diner that we usually go to, I sent him a questioning glance as he told me to stay put and raced to the doors. He came back a few minutes later with a bag full of takeout boxes that he put in the back and would not let me peek. After we were driving a few minutes, I realized that the area around us was getting more and more wooded. 

“Where exactly are we going?” I asked him as he turned off onto a dirt road. 

Eddie groaned but sent me a smile as he turned the music down. “I guess I can’t really ruin the surprise since we are already here. I figured I would take you to Lover’s Lake to enjoy a picnic and watch the stars once it got dark. I thought that everywhere else in town would be busy, and I know that you would be more comfortable out here.”

I reached over to grasp his hand. “That sounds perfect.”

Once we got to the lake, Eddie parked with the back doors to the lake. He jumped out to get the back situated and I was surprised to see the amount of blankets and pillows stashed at the back of the van. 

“Are we having a sleepover?” I teased as I crawled between the seats instead of getting out and going around. “Is that why we are in our PJ’s?”

Eddie shrugged with a smile. “Since someone has a habit of falling asleep against me, I figured we might want to be comfortable. Plus, it’s going to get chilly later and I hate for you to get cold.”

Eddie was right. Once we had finished dinner and laid out to watch the sky darken, it was so peaceful I could fall asleep right against him. He was so warm, laying against all the pillows in the back of the van, the cool air blowing through the open doors. His voice was gentle and with the tone he was using to tell me about the latest campaign, I felt so at peace with him here. 

“Sweetheart,” Eddie nudged me as the sky got completely dark and the stars were shining brightly in the sky. “Can I give you my gift?”

I let him sit me up as he reached for something behind the driver seat. I moved to my bag, pulling out a small wrapped box as well. 

“Can I go first?” I asked him as he moved to sit with his legs dangling out of the van. 

Eddie smiled and held out his hand for the small gift. He didn’t open it, motioning for me to continue. “I really didn’t know what to get you for Valentine’s Day. Sure, I could get you some material items, but I wanted to get you something special.”

When I motioned towards the box, Eddie ripped open the wrapping paper and moved to take the cover off the box to see a ring sitting in the middle of the box. I felt my face flush a bit. “I know that you already have all these rings, but I came across this when Robin, Max, and I went shopping a few weeks ago. I know that you already have my name on your wrist, but I wanted to see something else of mine on you too.”

The ring was simple. It had a thick band, colored dark gray, and had a small moth etched into the top of the ring. When Eddie turned it over, he could see that I had our initials engraved inside the band of the ring. With another glance at me, Eddie slid it onto his ring finger, sitting proudly with the others of that hand. 

“Sweetheart,” Eddie said as he cupped my face to kiss me. The rings cool against my cheeks. “I love it.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything!” I rushed out to say it because of the load of anxiety that washed over me. “I just wanted you to have something else to look down on and remind you of me. Also, it seemed like a really cool vintage ring and this one you don’t have to tape to fit your fingers!”

“Sydney” Eddie laughed softly as his hands tightened on my face. “I know and one day it just might mean something else. But for right now, I know what it is.”

I know that I was smiling love-sick at him, but I couldn’t care. Not with the emotions that I felt in my chest and pulsing at my wrist. “I love you.”

Eddie dropped his hands to thrust his gift at me. “Open it.”

I took the box gently, carefully opening it to see his guitar pick necklace sitting there. “Eddie?”

“I love you, sweetheart.” Eddie started as he reached forward to get the chain out. In that moment when he leaned over, I noticed for the first time that I didn’t see that chain wrapped around his neck. “I had a similar thought. I know that my name is etched into your skin and just seeing it some days brings me so much joy. But I couldn’t resist giving you the necklace. Now when you have your wrist covered, everyone will be able to see that necklace and see that you are mine.”

For the first time in a while, I felt pressure behind my eyes as I willed myself not to cry. Eddie moved to clasp the necklace around my neck, leaning back to let it fall against my chest as it seemed to catch some of the light from the stars above. “Hey,” Eddie cooed softly as he reached forward to brush at my cheeks. “What’s wrong, pretty girl?”

I sniffled and moved to place one of my hands against his. “Nothing. I just didn’t think I would ever be here with someone like you.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked me with a smile.

“I love you so much,” I told him. “And there are days that I just look at you and I can feel it tenfold back through the mark and I just wonder about how I got so lucky. I literally fell into your lap.” I laughed wetly. “And giving me this means so much to me. You wear this everyday, aren’t you going to miss it?”

“I have something else to wear now,” Eddie said as he wiggled his hand at me. “But I love you too, sweetheart. I will never have to doubt anything because there are days for me too that I just look at you and I can feel all of it.”

Eddie dropped his hand and with a wave of his fingers, I followed his movements so I was laying against him in the back of the van. We could still see some of the stars that were further out in the distance; but here now with Eddie, it felt like we were the only ones in our little world. With his arms wrapped around me and the feeling of Eddie tracing shapes into my back, I felt perfectly at peace. 

“Happy first Valentine's Day, sweetheart.” Eddie said and I felt a kiss at the top of my head. 

“How are you going to top this one next year?” I asked him.

Eddie laughed and I could feel his body shaking against mine. “That’s all on you sweetheart.” A pause. “But you know what would make this better right now?”

“What?” I asked him as I looked up at him, my chin resting against his chest. 

“If you kissed me. Kissed me alot, actually.” Eddie said with a mischievous smile. 

The first time I leaned up to kiss him, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face which barely made it a kiss at all. But when Eddie rolled us over so he was hovering above me, the kiss was definitely more passionate. 

And it was no one’s business if we ended up falling asleep out there under the stars. 

Only for us to be rudely awakened by our bladders several hours later. 

Sydney’s First Birthday in the Past

“Happy birthday to you,” someone was singing in my ear quietly as I was roused from sleep. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

I groaned and opened my eyes to see Eddie laying on his side beside me, a tired smile on his face. “What?” I asked, still on the edge of sleep. 

Eddie reached forward to tuck some hair behind my ear, biting his lip at me. “It’s your birthday, Sydney.”

I blinked a few more times before I was fully awake. “It’s my birthday?”

Eddie laughed and shuffled closer so he was laying against me, an arm wrapped around me and his forehead coming to rest against mine. “Well that’s what the government paperwork says. Is it true?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “What would you do if it was?”

Eddie pulled back a little to look at me. “Do you not like your birthday?”

I shrugged again. “It was always a mute point when I was younger. It always fell on a weekday so I had to go to school and my parents refused to do something for me when they got home for work. My brother, though? They would pull him out of school for the day and always take him out to dinner.” I tried not to show how much it bothered me. Eddie has already done so much, I didn’t want him to feel like he had to go all out for this too. “It just became another one of those things.”

“Well,” Eddie said as placed a kiss on my forehead and then trailed them from my cheeks to my chin. “We celebrate all holidays and birthdays in the Munson household. Sorry, sweetheart. You are just going to have to tough it out this year.”

I tried to pout at him, but his smile was so infectious that I couldn’t help at the one that tugged at my lips. “So Dungeon Master, what do you have planned?”

Eddie laughed and moved to sit up, pulling me along with him. He grabbed one of my hands in his, the other moving to trace lines against the back of it. “Wayne made you a special breakfast.”

I groaned in protest. “Please don’t tell me you dragged Wayne into this.”

A gruff chuckle tore my attention to the doorway to see Wayne standing there, sleeves of his flannel rolled up with a smile on his face. “All the boy had to do was mention that your birthday was coming up.”

I sent him a small smile. “Morning Wayne.”

Wayne nodded his head. “There are fresh cinnamon rolls in the kitchen if you are interested.”

“You made me fresh cinnamon rolls?” I asked excitedly. “No one has ever made them for me!”

Eddie chuckled beside me. “So get your ass in gear and get some while they are still warm.”

I threw the blanket off and followed Wayne into the kitchen. It smelled so great in there I couldn’t help but melt when Wayne placed a plate in front of me at the table. One bite and I was trying to hold back a moan. “Oh my god, Wayne. These are so good.”

Wayne laughed into this coffee mug, placing the comics he was reading from the newspaper back onto the table. “Don’t butter me up.”

“I’m serious!” I laughed and took another bite. “This is the best thing anyone has ever made for me.” 

In one second Eddie appeared behind me, smelling strongly of his body wash and leaned forward to take the bite off my fork. I turned to look at him, betrayed as he swallowed. 

“Go get ready, sweetheart.” Eddie said as he took my hand and helped me up from the table. “You’ve got a day ahead of you.”

I frowned. “Eddie, I don’t wa-”

Eddie held up his hand. “I already know you don’t want me skipping school. So I’ve made other plans for you.”

A threw a nervous glance at Wayne and he just took a drink of his coffee. “All I know is that we are meeting up later for dinner.”

I narrowed my eyes at Eddie. “What do you have planned?”

He winked at me and took another bite of my cinnamon roll. “Go get changed and you might just find out.”

I ran and took a quick shower, towel drying my hair as I grabbed one of Eddie’s sweatshirts to put on. It clearly was a P.E. sweatshirt, but the arms had been drawn all over with designs that looked similar to what was on Eddie’s D&D notebook. 

When I got back into the kitchen, Wayne was already in his recliner watching some morning TV while Eddie was on the phone. When he saw me, he abruptly got off the phone before making his way to me. 

“Comfy?” He asked as he leaned down to kiss my forehead. 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “What did you do?”

Eddie just smiled mischievously at me and motioned towards the door. There was no Max waiting for us at the van, and Eddie shrugged like he didn’t know who took her to school. I let him keep up his charades as we started the familiar path towards town, only slightly surprised when we pulled up to the police station. 

Hopper and Joyce were leaning against her car in the parking lot, their faces lighting up when they saw us pull in. I had only just gotten out of the van when Joyce had wrapped me in a tight hug. 

“Happy birthday!” She said really loud as she pulled back to look at me. “Do you feel any older?”

I rolled my eyes in amusement as Hopper stepped around her to pull me into a quick side -hug. “Happy birthday, kiddo.”

I smiled at both of them and felt when Eddie joined my side. “So what is the plan for today? Eddie won’t tell me anything.”

Joyce shrugged, but the smile on her face said otherwise. “I thought you and I could have a girls day. Give you a treat for your birthday.”

“Joyce-” I started to argue that it wasn’t necessary before she sent me a look. 

“You are one of my kids now, Sydney.” Joyce said as she reached out to squeeze my shoulder. “If I want to do things with you for your birthday, I sure as hell am going to.”

I laughed and nodded my head in defeat. “Okay then.”

Joyce made a happy noise and turned to start her car while Hopper waved at us and started to make his way into the station. I only turned to Eddie when I felt his fingers intertwine with mine, giving my palm a gentle squeeze. 

“Is this okay?” He asked me, nervously. 

I smiled at him. “It’s perfect.”

Eddie perked up and with a quick glance around he leaned down to kiss me. I let him, getting lost in the sensation of his body against mine, whining slightly when he pulled back. He chuckled, using his free hand to play with the chain that had been sitting against my neck for some time now. “I love you, sweetheart.”

My smile widened if possible. “I love you too, baby. Will I be seeing you after school?”

Eddie’s smile turned mischievous. “Well I still have a present to give you. But, I don’t know. Will you?”

Eddie stepped back from as I felt Joyce’s arm wrap around mine. “We ready to go?”

“Have a good birthday, sweetheart!” Eddie yelled as he got back into his van, the music blaring as he buckled himself in. “See you later!”

Joyce and I watched him peel out of the parking lot, some of the people walking around town shaking their heads at all the noise. When he was fully out of sight, Joyce tugged me in the direction of her car. “You ready to get our day started?”

Joyce’s first stop was a little bookstore a few town’s over. We roamed the shelves for a bit, me picking out a few books that I hadn’t read in years but seemed to be new releases here. I couldn’t resist the dragon bookmark in the fantasy section, but I knew that it wouldn’t be me using it and Joyce must have had a similar idea with the look of amusement on her face. 

Our next stop was a tiny hair salon two shops down on the same street. It was run by a lady that knew Joyce by name, taking me back to the chair and telling me whatever I wanted was already covered. I sent a look towards Joyce, but she just shrugged and sat down in the chair next to me, already talking away to the lady bringing her a coffee. 

I frowned in the mirror, one of the books that I bought sitting in my lap. “It’s been years since I’ve had my hair professionally done. What do you suggest?”

“Is this wave natural?” The lady asked me as she ran her hands through my hair.

I shrugged. “I believe so. If my hair isn’t down, most of the time I have it braided back in some way.”

“Hm,” The lady said as she moved to get a cape and secure it around my neck. “How about we cut a few of the dead inches off and go from there? What about a color?”

I moved my hand to pinch some of the hair between my fingers. All my life I had been a lighter shade of brown, borderlining on strawberry blonde. “Why not?”

It took a lot of debating and a long talk of my preferences before the hairdresser-Angela, asked me to trust her and I agreed. If I hated the color, I could always color over it? Joyce had finished not too long ago, sitting with me as I sat under one of those obnoxious hairdryers. 

“I think she picked a great color,” Joyce said with a smile. “Are you having a good time?”

“The best,” I smiled at her. “You know, my mom would never do something like this with me.”

“Her loss.” Joyce said, a tone to her voice. “You’re one of my kids now, sweetie. Anything that she wouldn’t do with you, I will. Don’t you worry about that.”

After my hair was processed and washed out, I let them keep the element of surprise as they turned my back to the mirror so they could style it for me. When they were finally finished and I got to turn around, I couldn't help but gasp. Angela styled my hair in soft curls falling down my back, nothing like the corkscrew curls that I’d seen at least two women walk out with today. As for my hair color, it was a deep copper color that really stood out against my skin tone and made my hazel eyes pop. 

“Woah,” I said as I reached up to feel a strand. 

Angela clapped beside me. “It’s a perfect fit!”

Her excitement was infectious and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. “You did such a good job!”

With the promise of coming back for a touch up, I followed Joyce out of the salon and to a tiny cafe a street over. We had a small lunch, Joyce making small talk about the kids and Hopper but I could tell something else was bothering her. 

I sighed. “What is it?”

Joyce watched me for a moment. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

I nodded. “Why do you ask?”

Joyce reached out a hand to place over mine on the table. “It’s just your first birthday away from your parents, your friends. Eddie was worried today might be hard for you.”

I frowned. “Why would he think that?”

“El might have told me about a conversation she had with you at Thanksgiving,” Joyce said with a shrug. “I realized I might not have been checking in with you as much as I should.”

“Joyce,” I let out a relaxed laugh. “El brags me to family dinners with you guys almost every other week. You see me all the time.”

Joyce nodded. “I do, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that you could come to me about stuff.”

I squeezed her hand. “I know that I can.”

Joyce took a sip of her coffee. “You know Murray mentioned something to me the other week.”

“Hm?”

She placed her cup down. “He mentioned that when his partner was brought to the past, a box of some of his more personal items showed up. Has that happened to you?”

“No?” I shrugged. “I didn’t know that it was possible for that to happen. Nancy never mentioned it to me.”

Joyce frowned. “He should be back in Hawkins for a few days. Maybe you could ask him?”

We didn’t stay too much longer, Joyce saying it was her turn to carpool, but letting me know that Eddie had planned to meet with us at the school. 

“Not that I don’t think of El as my own,” Joyce said on the drive back. “But I really want you to know that you have a place in my family.”

I smiled. “I know that I do. I think between you, Hopper, and Wayne acting as parents with Steve trying to prove that he is my brother; I’ve got all areas covered. I promise you since I’ve woken up here I haven’t felt truly alone.”

“Good,” Joyce said. “We’re a weird group, aren’t we?”

I don’t think I could have asked for a better one.

When we got to the school, I shouldn’t have been surprised to see the group that was waiting at Eddie’s van. I only had a second once I got out of the car to get bombarded by the younger ones, trying to pull me in hugs and El trying to sing me happy birthday. 

“Guys,” I laughed delighted at the love I was receiving. I almost had to stop for a second at the sheer feeling of adoration that hit me, but it wasn’t hard to place where that emotion came from when I met Eddie’s eyes. He was leaning against the van, a smile on his face as he waited for his turn to get to me. 

Steve stepped forward, pulling me into a quick hug before throwing an arm around Dustin. “Since you didn’t tell us how important today was, we didn’t have any time to throw something together.”

I shrugged, not bothered about it. “I didn’t want you guys to make a big deal about it.”

Steve pointed at me. “Well, we will. Just wait.”

After a few more minutes of ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes and hugs from everyone, they all split into groups between Steve and Joyce. I waved back at them as they all got in their cars, leaving Eddie and I in the almost empty parking lot. 

When I turned to him, he was still leaning against his van with his hands tucked into his front pockets. He pushed off the van and slowly made his way to me, reaching out to pull at a loose curl. “You changed your hair?”

He tucked a strand behind my ear, fingers trailing along my jaw. “Do you like it?”

“Like it?” Eddie asked as his other hand joined the one on my facing, moving to rub his thumbs against my cheeks. “Sweetheart, that color does wonders to you. Damn,” Eddie let out a groan and closed his eyes with a smile. “Are you trying to kill me?”

My laughter was silenced as Eddie leaned down to kiss me, my eyes fluttering closed at the intensity of it. When one of Eddie’s hands moved to grasp mine and his fingers brushed against my mark, I almost gasped at the feelings I felt thrown back at me. 

Eddie broke away from me, staying close enough that our lips lightly brushed when he talked or more like whispered to me. “As much as I enjoy kissing you, we do have dinner plans.”

“We do?” I whispered back. 

He stood up fully now, but never letting go of my hand. “Wayne wants to take you out for your birthday. Can’t argue with the man.”

I smiled. “Well if he insists…”

“Now you’re getting it!” Eddie exclaimed as he moved to open the passenger door of the van and help me into the seat. I see him sprint across the front and as soon as he turns the keys, the van is filled with the loud music of Blue Oyster Cult. Once we’ve stopped at the trailer long enough to pick up Wayne and let Eddie dump his stuff, before we are on our way towards town. 

“Maybe next year we can actually make a plan since I know when your birthday is.” Wayne said he slammed the door shut. 

“Wayne-” I started to explain before he held up a hand. 

“Eds was the same way.” Wayne said as he pulled me into a side hug, Eddie raced ahead claiming to get the best booth in the back. “The first year he lived with me he didn’t want to celebrate anything. But I get it, kid. One day, you’ll want to start celebrating it too.”

Wayne opened the diner door for me, ushering me and as I turned to try and find Eddie-

“SUPRISE!”

The diner seemed to be empty except for my mismatched family. Eddie was standing closest to the doors, my favorite smile on his face with his arms stretched out wide. Steve and Robin off to the side of him, eyes bright as their smiles. Joyce, Hopper, and Murray sitting down in the booth off to the side, drinks raised at me. Lastly, all the younger ones were standing right in the middle with Nancy and Jonathan behind them, balloons and party favors in hand. 

I felt my eyes get wet, and it took me a few blinks to convince myself not to cry. Wayne squeezed my shoulder before moving around me and heading towards the other adults while Eddie moved to stand in front of me, taking one of my hands in his. 

“This okay?” He asked as he squeezed my hand.  

“I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said instead. 

Eddie beamed, leaning down to kiss my forehead before moving to wrap an arm around my shoulders and led me to the chaos of my surprise birthday party. “You’ll never have to know, sweetheart. Now why don’t we get some of that cake?”

Ah, hello my beautiful people. It's been a few weeks, hasn't it? Well I'm back and better than ever (had a whole allergic reaction and I won't bore you with the details but I am better and on medication for it now so no worries :) ). So this is a long one, I hope you enjoy the meal! I've been anxious to get into the main part of the story, and it's going to start in the next chapter so be prepared! I figured we could see a glimpse of the life Sydney and Eddie are living before I get into the nitty gritty. Leave a comment telling me if you liked it!

Also just in case we need to know, what should be have as Sydney's Vecna song? I'm trying to decide between something that easily accessible (which means the song is already out), or the potential issue that the song hasn't been written yet. Let me know what you guys think!

Leave a comment if you want to be tagged!

Taglist: @silky-luxe @disaster-in-waiting @sadbitchfangirl@welliguessiwritethingsnow @comboboo@tuttigunner@avalon-wolf @goth-cowgirl-03

[garbinge]

Circles

Steve Murphy x Murphy!F!Reader Javier Peña x F!Reader (just flirting) From these August Prompts:  “I think the map is leading us in circles.”

A/N: There's just something about these monthly prompt challenges that I really get such enjoyment out of while also putting myself through the ringer. It's balanced. Enjoy the ride my friends! Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Flirting, cursing, and banter. 

Narcos Taglist: @drabbles-mc @narcolini​ @justreblogginfics

“I think the map is leading us in circles.” You twisted the map around in your hands as you and Steve traveled throughout Miami. 

“You sure it’s the map and not the person reading it?” Steve joked as he casually drove.

The map was crumbling against your lap as you frustratingly stared over at him. “First of all, you fucking live here, shouldn’t you know where we’re going.” 

“Yea that’s why we’re here.” Steve was pulling up to the recreation center that had a bowling alley, bar, and arcade all combined into one. “What’s second of all?” He asked you as he placed the car in park and sent a smirk your way. 

“Second of all, calling me stupid means you’re calling yourself stupid.” Your eyebrows raised before you leaned over to grab your stuff that was on the floor of the car. 

“First of all,” he mocked you slightly before getting to his point. “I didn’t call you stupid.” His finger pointed at you. “Second of all, what the hell are you saying?” 

You laughed at him, “I’m saying that you’re my older brother and since you’re practically the one who raised me, my ability to read a map kind of falls to your responsibility and that means you’re shitting on yourself not just me.” 

He stared at you for a minute, trying to wrap his brain around the jumble of words you just said. 

“Who's stupid now?” You smirked and made your way out of the car. 

Steve was quick to follow you and call out to you as he lightly jogged to catch up. “I didn’t call you stupid!!” 

“So why are we here again?” You were leaning to open the door when Steve reached over your head and grabbed it to hold it open for you. 

“Some guys from work are here.” He answered like that was supposed to mean something to you. 

“Wasn’t the whole point of coming back to Miami for a week to take a break from work?” You turned to look up at him, a frown filling your face. 

“Yea, but now when Mom and Dad call me and I don’t answer and then they call you, you can tell them that you’ve met my coworkers and that I’m in safe hands.” 

It was such a Steve comment. Something he would have said when you were kids and he needed you to cover for him. 

“This is who I’m supposed to think has you in safe keeping in Colombia?” You pointed to the table that had one single man leaning slouched against the wall with a glass of some amber liquid resting against his head with his eyes closed. “If I’m going to be lying to mom and dad you’re paying for drinks tonight,” you began to walk over to the table, “and you’re paying for my flight back home.” You were quick to think of things to get out of this deal. 

“Javi.” Steve kicked the chair waking the man up. Not a single drop of alcohol spilled from his glass as he woke up, either luck or the man knew how to hold his alcohol, literally. “And I’ll pay for your drinks but not your flight home.” Steve was staring at you from across the table. 

As Javi came to it, he stared between you and Steve, putting two and two together with the help of knowing he was going to be bringing his sister out. “I’ll buy you a drink.” Javi sat up and offered that up before even saying hi. 

“Beautiful. Javi will buy my drinks and you will buy my plane ticket.” You smirked at Steve, opting to use what you assumed was the man's name to really irck him. 

Steve looked at Javi, he expected the behavior from you, your job as his little sister was to annoy him but he didn’t expect it out of Javi, which, honestly was his own mistake. Steve contemplated telling Javi you were trouble and to be careful but knew he’d make some twisted comment out of it so he opted to tell you Javi was trouble and tell Peña something else. 

“He’s trouble. You watch yourself.” Steve pointed at you again, his job as an older brother was telling you what to do. 

“And you,” Steve turned to Javi and patted his shoulder. “She’s going to run you broke.” 

Javi ignored Steve completely and turned to you as you situated yourself across the table from him. “I’m Javi.” He stuck his hand out for you to shake. 

You introduced yourself back to him, sharing your name as your hand met his for a handshake. “I like my old fashioned poured over ice with a lemon twist, extra sweet.” 

He smirked at that, you giving him your order immediately after introducing yourself. 

“Fitting.” He stared you right in the eyes for a moment before Steve cleared his throat getting both of yours attention. 

“How about I buy the first round and whatever it is y’all are doing, stops.” 

“No promises, but I’ll try.” Javi said with his hands up in surrender. 

Steve glared at you not expecting a reply, his eyes saying enough to you before retreating to the bar.

Javi changed gears, he was still flirty, but it was less in your face. Now it was just genuine conversation that ensued between the both of you. 

“So how long are you here in Miami for?” He asked you as he poured a glass full of water from the table’s pitcher for you. 

“Well, I haven’t exactly bought my flight home yet,” you tilted your head as you explained, “but probably a couple more days. Only came out here to see Steve, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him and I’ve been going through it back home.” 

“Boyfriend?” Javi asked as he brought a cigarette to his mouth. 

You leaned over and grabbed a cigarette from the carton he was holding. 

“Girlfriend.” 

Javi froze and stared at you. “You serious?” 

“No but I had you for a minute didn’t I?” You smirked and grabbed the matches that were on the table and lit your cigarette as he did the same with a chuckle. “I lost my job.” You shared the real reason with Javi, “kind of going through an identity crisis.” 

Javi nodded and exhaled his cigarette before looking back over at you. “That’s rough, I’m sorry. Change of scenery probably will do ya some good.” 

You nodded not really having anything more to say on the topic which allowed Javi to follow up his statement with a question. 

“You and Steve were close growing up?” 

The corners of your mouth turned and a smirk filled your face as you recollected on your childhood. “Inseparable. And he hated every second of it.” You let out a small chuckle before continuing. “Our parents weren’t exactly around too much,” you shrugged, “Steve was.” 

Javi nodded, “You move with him when he left Tennessee?” 

“Fuck no.” The water you had just drank practically being spit out at the thought of that. “I went to New York when he left. I love him, to death, owe him everything but, Miami wasn’t–isn’t really my scene. But he got the DEA gig, couldn’t hold him back from that. I couldn’t stay without him that was for sure, things weren’t that great in Tennessee, country girl like me wanted to see the big apple.” 

“Change of scenery.” Javi nodded as he took in what you said. 

“No, that time was a boyfriend.” You knew Javi would have appreciated that response. 

He did. A small laugh was let out along with the last of his cigarette smoke as he crushed the bud of it into the ashtray as Steve came back with 3 drinks. 

“What boyfriend? Not that asshole from New York?” Steve asked as he placed the drinks down on the table. 

Javi’s head snapped up, “So there is a boy.” 

“Isn’t there always?” You winked at him and went to grab your drink before quickly correcting him. “Was.” Your hand extended up to get his attention. “Not is, was.” 

Javi nodded and brought his drink up to cheers you. 

The three of you now were raising your glasses. Steve spoke up to toast to something, “Fuck assholes.” 

“The one who was and the one that is.” Javi’s glance landed on you as he spoke. 

You smiled right back at him, “And the ones who will be.”

[lolamarlowe65]

𝓘𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 //James Hetfield

“The house next door was just sold, i hope the new neighbour will be nice.”

part six of ? part five

disclaimers: smut, age gap (modern day james), slow burn shit, talk about death, cursing, smoking, probably drinking, you read whatever you want but i’m not responsible kay?

Wattpad link

࿓ 𓋪・𖧹 𖤐

Chapter 6 - Necklace

It's Sunday. I woke up with a smile today, thinking about last night. I had such a good time losing myself to the sound of the Doors. I get downstairs and my grandmother says goodbye to me.

Every Sunday she goes to her club to play games with her friends. She could not be able to walk so she'd still go do that. She says it's important for her to be able to hold onto everything. And I get it. I tell her to have a good time and she gives me a kiss goodbye.

I don't have a lot to do today. In fact, I don't have anything to do. So I decided to go back to my room to prepare my grandmother's birthday gift. It's a lot of emotions to dive back into all of my mother's pictures but it gives me some peace of mind. No matter what James said about my smile, hers was so much more beautiful. It's also nice to do my photography stuff again, I feel like I'm finding myself again.

Photography has always been a passion to me. I would organise photoshoots at the ripe age of 10. I love to take pictures of the world. Mostly when it's having fun, capture it at its rare moments of pure joy. I lost it a bit when my mom got sick. But something tells me it may be time for me to start again. Maybe it's because I'm getting my head out of the blue due to my interest in James. It's like I see some light. My brain and heart finally decided to try and move on. It's gonna be hard. I know it. But I have to keep on living.

Some hours later I'm finally done with my grandmother's gift. I put wrapping paper around it and hid it in my room. My grandma never comes to my room, she respects my privacy, but we never know.

I decided to take a walk around the hills, it might do me good to get some air. I walk outside and pass in front of James's house. I look over it while walking. Maybe I could see him. It makes me feel somehow happy to see him. I feel more comfortable towards him. I'm sorry I called him "douchebag" when I first saw his car. Because he's not.

As I pass in front of his house I notice his Camaro is outside and he is closing his front door. He cannot see me from here but I linger a little bit on the shape of his back while continuing my walk.

I arrive at the end of the street. If I take left I can get higher in the hills but I decide to stop to buy some cigarettes and a soda in the store on the corner of the street. I know the guy who owns it a little bit, so after I buy my stuff, he asks me how I've been doing.

"- Hey man, got my package?" somebody asks.

I instantly know it's James. I know his voice by heart now. It's engraved in me.

He truly has this thing for startling me. When he sees me on the side, sipping my soda he smiles. He looks like he's genuinely happy to see me. His eyes lingered on me. Mine too.

"- Oh. Hello Anna." he says, charmingly.

"- Hey Mr. Hetfield." i answer as i take a sip of my soda.

While the owner of the store gives James his package I decide to head out. It's a hot day. I don't need it to be hotter. We are just two neighbours meeting each other randomly in the local corner shop. Whatever lewd things I might have done thinking about him. Whatever thoughtful gifts he may have given me. I have to go back to my life.

"- Hey, where are you heading out?" i hear James ask behind me.

I was just out of the store, he must have gotten out right after. I turn around and put my sunglasses on my head to get a better sight of him. He has sunglasses on too. He looks so gorgeous. He has a necklace on and a simple black shirt. His belt buckle is detailed and goes so well with his style. I can't look away from his belt buckle, I must seem so weird right now. But I just want to unbuckle it. I shake my head slightly and look back into his eyes.

"- In the hills. For a walk. You?" i answer smiling.

"- I need to get something in the studio, that's all. Wanna come?" he asks.

Fuck. I want to come. I want to see where he works and with what. I shouldn't. But everybody knows I will.

"- And why so?" i chuckle.

"- And why not?" he replies quickly.

I give him a sudden laugh.

"- Okay, James, i'm coming."

I'm smiling so hard. So much. It can't stop when we talk.

He walks to his Camaro who is parked just on my side. He opens the passenger door for me to go in. How sweet he is. I get into the car and after he closes the door he bends over the open window.

"- You called me James, Anna." he chuckles.

"- No way i did Mr. Hetfield. I wouldn't." i say, messing with him.

He gave me a smile letting out a quick chuckle and got to the driver's seat. He starts to drive and some heavy metal is playing in the background.

"- What's playing?" i ask.

"- Oh. That's Black Sabbath. Ozzy era. The best." he says passionately. "These guys made it possible for us to even think about playing!" he goes on. "Children of the Grave. Awesome song."

"- I love how passionately you talk about it. I'm happy you love your work. It's rare enough to be noticed."

"- It truly is. I'm glad for all of it. Even if bad shits happens sometimes."

"- Yeah I know."

I thought of my mom. He also looks like he is thinking of somebody. He looks like a wave of sadness came over him. I know what to say to change his mind!

"- Hey James." i put my hand on his forearm, close to his wrist. "I loved your gift." i smile.

He lights up instantly. Like my words made him feel the happiest.

I suddenly understood where i put my hand. I did it without thinking. He sees that i look confused. He puts his hand above mine on his arm, still driving with the hand i'm almost touching. He squeezes my hand lightly and gives me a smile.

"- It's okay." he says to me. "I'm glad you loved it. I hope it gave you a smile." he adds.

"- More than a smile! I danced all evening in my room to the music. Having this piece of my favourite artist is a dream come true, so thank you." i say excited.

He laughs, I guess he's trying to imagine what I looked like dancing like a lunatic all evening.

He removes his hand from mine on a turn and I remove my hand too. Weirdly, I feel a bit empty. His hand. This hand. It gave me shivers. I successfully held back my thoughts for the conversation but now that we are silent again I can't help but wander. How his hands must feel when he touches your thighs. How it must be to feel it lightly choking you. How his fingers taste after he passionately fingered you. How him cupping your face with his hands to kiss you like he would die without you must feel like.

I feel the worst knowing that this attraction is most likely one sided. That i will most likely never be able to satisfy it. That i am sitting in his car, next to him, only wanting to hold him by the waist and never let go. If only he knew that the woman next to him felt lust and love towards him, would he actually be that nice to me? I mean he is a rockstar, so many of them are known to be douchebags when it comes to sex or love. I'm sure he had a lot of groupies and adventures. But would he think I just want that? I have all the respect in the world for groupies. They wanted a good time and they got it. And that's a boss move. But this is not what I want. But James seems so sincere about everything. And at the same time I don't know much about him. James and I are not possible anyway.

The car stops.

"- We're here Anna." i hear James say. "You're all red, you okay?" he proceeds.

I go back to reality. My thoughts about him made me blush so much I couldn't hide it.

"- It's a hot day. That's nothing." i answer.

"- The air is cooler in the studio. It might feel more comfortable." he replies.

How thoughtful. But James. I could be in the Arctic with you, I'd still blush. I could be in a volcano with you, I'd be red because of you.

We both got out of the car and I followed him into the studio.

"- So this is where the magic happens?" i exclaim.

"- Not only but we like this place. It's fitting us."

The studio was big. Something for renown artists. There are guitars and basses all around and a big drum set in the middle. The decoration looks bohemian. The technical equipment is pretty modern but it mixes so well with the old timey feeling of the rest.

"- And what did you need here Mr. Hetfield?" i ask him.

He gives me a glass of water. Probably because I said I was hot before. How sweet.

"- Well, miss, I needed to get a guitar. I want to record some stuff with it at my place and I left it there last night."

I walk in the studio and get to a guitar nicely put in its case. A Gibson precisely.

"- This one?" i ask.

"- Nah this one is Kirk's." he smiles.

He's lying against a table with crossed arms. God his arms. His smile. Cat and mouse. Cat and mouse.

"- Who does what in this band? If you are the singer and rhythm guitarist, then Kirk is the lead right?"

"- Right." he nods. "The Lars your grandmother was talking about is the drummer. Typical of them to be dumb." he laughs. "And Rob is the bassist. Here we are, Metallica."

"- It must be weird for you to explain that to someone, i feel like everybody knows who you and your band are." i mutter.

"- I told you it was refreshing. I feel like you can unravel who I am as much as I do. It feels more normal."

So he wants to unravel me. No. Who I am. Fuck Anna! I swear. But it doesn't make it better at all. He wants to unravel something in me. I smile and look down at a bass.

"- My grandma talked about a Cliff. Who's he?" i ask.

At this moment, I see James's smile drop. He looks melancholic. He puts his hand on his chin and I feel like I said something bad.

"- Well, if you don't want to talk about it it's okay James." i panic.

"- No, no it's okay." he says. "You should know."

I look at him with an interrogative look. I move around to lie against the table with him, ready to hear anything. I make sure he knows he can tell me anything by my posture and I smile at him in the most reassuring way possible.

"- Cliff was our bassist. Since the beginning. To me Cliff, Lars, Kirk and me were a band forever. But we had an accident on tour in 86' and Cliff is the only one who didn't make it. Rob is one of us. But I always thought it would have been the four of us."

I didn't know about that. Even if many surely already knew this story, I'm glad I learned about it from his words. Talking about death and grief is not as simple as two sentences on the internet. And I know now. What he meant by the bad sides of his career. However Cliff was like, he lost a person he was attached to. He lost a friend. And I know how it feels like.

"- It's hard, isn't it?"

Not minding, I put my head on his shoulder. He flinched due to my sudden move but accepted it. A wave of sadness takes over me. I proceed in my talk.

"- It's hard, isn't it? To lose someone you love so deeply. I used to think it would always be me and my mom. That we would always have each other. I was wrong." i pause, my voice starting to shake. "She was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. She died two weeks ago. And now I only have my grandmother left. And I know she is not immortal. She has a fragile health. I know sooner or later I'm gonna lose her too." i tremble. "And at the end. There's you. You're left alone. You lose somebody you love and you have to keep on living. You have to do something they can't anymore and that you were doing by their side. Nothing's the same after that."

James wipes my tear with his finger. I didn't even notice I dropped one. He then puts his hand on my shoulder and grabs me tightly.

"- You are courageous Anna. You took care of your mom. And even if you know your grandmother is not eternal you stay by her side, not caring of getting hurt when she will go. Because you want the best for her. Now that takes a lot of balls."

He gets off from against the table. I forgot he's way taller than me. My head can't be on his shoulder anymore and it falls on his chest. As I find my spirits again I get my head off him. This is too much. I can't do that. When my head goes back up I notice he is staring at me. Focused on me. Studying me. We shared something so deep. We have such different lives, and he's seen more. But yet we find common paths in our differences. I'm stuck in his eyes. I know that he took in my words deeply, that they meant something to him, that he was touched just by the way he stared at me. I pass my hand over his necklace and take it lightly between my fingers. What a beautiful pendant. His eyes are almost turning black. Slowly I go up to put my hand on his cheek and all I feel is this tension. This electricity his contact gives me.

"- I'm sure Cliff is proud of everything you and the band have done. Personally and professionally." i tell him.

He puts his hand above mine. And his eyes deepen.

"- And I think you are brave for keeping on. For being here now. With this band and everything you created with it. Because you never gave up." i sweetly smile.

His breathing becomes slower and heavier as his eyes are locked with mine. My hand is still on his cheek, sending electricity everywhere in me. I want him. Now. I don't know if it's appropriate but I want him to lift me up on the table and attack my mouth savagely and passionately. I want my hands in his hair and my legs wrapped around his waist. What we just shared was so deep emotionally. I don't know if I can bare not having its physical equivalent for long. My breath is short and heavy.

His hand removes mine from his cheek and he slowly puts his two hands on mine. Grabbing me tightly, perfectly marrying my jawline with the shape of his hands, holding me like he is afraid I'm gonna disappear. His face approaches and I'm locked on his gaze.

"- Hey what's up man! Came to take the Gibson, I didn't know you were still here." a voice says.

James and I get away from each other in a hurry. I was embarrassed.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

James was about to kiss me. I know he was. And I was about to lose myself in it. So he wants me? He likes me? Does he feel the same as me? I'm so confused. I wish I had the guts to ask him so we could put an end to this game of cat and mouse. I wish he'd say I was delusional and he was not feeling the same as I do. That he has nothing to do with a younger woman like me. But in truth, I want him to say yes. I want him to say he wants me as much as I want him. Because deep down I know that's what I desire.

"- Sorry am i interrupting something?" he asks with a big smile.

He understood what was going on.

This guy has long curly white/grey hair. A naturally tanned skin and a big charming smile. Him and James handshake and I see him look at me in a questioning way.

"- Yeah man. My tranquillity." James jokes. "Anna, here's the one and only Kirk Hammett." he adds.

"- Hi Kirk." i shake his hand.

"- Oh Anna! The beautiful neighbour girl who has a thing for the Doors?" he says towards James. "Hey Anna. Nice to meet you."

"Beautiful neighbour girl" James described me like this to his friends. Or at least they think James thinks of me this way.

I see Kirk take a guitar case and get back to the entry door.

"- Well as much as i want to know more, i don't wanna see James's face anymore so bye!" kirk jokes. "I'm only kidding, we're waiting for me. I'll leave you two to your "tranquillity". It was nice to meet you Anna. Ann? See you next time!" he exclaims.

This guy surely is something. I don't have time to tell him he can call me Ann that he's already gone. I'm left alone with James again. I don't know what to do. I'm still startled about this situation.

"- Ca.. Can you take me home please James? My grandmother is gonna come home soon." i ask shyly.

"- Yea- Yeah of course." he replies.

He sounds as confused as I am.

He takes his guitar case and I follow him silently to his car. The drive is silent and I don't know how to feel. It's not uncomfortable. It just looks like both of us are afraid to say what we want. Soon after he pulls up in front of my house. My grandmother will be back in an hour. I have time to process what almost happened before she comes back.

"- Thanks Mr. Hetfield." i say, with my hand on the door handle.

"- We're back at Hetfield huh?" he laughs.

"- Told you I loved your name." i answer to mess with him.

So we're gonna play like none of this happened? It's probably the best option.

I get out of the car and close the door when I hear James ask me something.

"- Hey... Anna."

"- Yes?"

"- What do you think your grandmother would love for her birthday?" he asks. "I just wanna show her my gratitude."

My heart melts. How sweet it is from him. My grandma got his heart before I could even think about it.

"- She's a badass, I know." i joked.

"- Hell yes!"

I laugh.

"- Well, just get her a bouquet of those peonies you say she looks like. It will make her the happiest."

"- Got it miss." he winked.

"- Haha, goodbye Hetfield."

"- Goodbye Anna."

I arrive on my front porch and look for my key in my bag. Before I turn my head around looking for James. He is still there, he looks like he is lost in his thoughts. I wonder what's in his mind. I let out a sigh and put my key in my door.

Suddenly, I feel a presence behind me. Not a bad one at all. If so, it feels like James. When I see his hand passing something around my neck I understand it's actually him. It's his necklace. He then takes the strand of hair covering my ear and gets it out of his way. I feel his breath against my neck where he leaves a delicate kiss.

"- This is not a gift. This is a promise that you will have to see me again to give it back." he whispers in my ear.

I'm frozen. My breath is heavy. His kiss made me so weak. His lips were the softest things I've ever felt and I want them everywhere on me. If we weren't outside to the view of the world I would have attacked his lips and made him take me against the wall. It's not about paparazzis. I couldn't care less. But some neighbours know me. And I like to keep my life out of their minds.

"- James." i say, almost like a prayer.

"- Ssshh..." he hums. "See you next time, Anna."

࿓ 𓋪・𖧹 𖤐

A/N: I’m about to explode, slow burn is hard to hold on, shit is gonna be quicker. Anyway chapter 7 is coming soon. Love, <33

[equallyshaw]

1 𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔭 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔡, 3 𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔭𝔰 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨 - 𝔱𝔶𝔩𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔢𝔤𝔲𝔦𝔫.

Inspired by miss o.rodrigos: 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

part of the "sour" imagine series.

A/N: Had to change a few words in the fourth segment. Originally: walk me to the door or send me home crying to: will you come to bed with me or send me to sleep cryin?.

Warnings: Swearing, clear signs of emotional abuse, mentions physical abuse in passing and toxic girlfriends/exes.

Sour Masterlist

Word Count: 2.3k

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Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

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All, I asked was how you were doing. All I wanted to know was how your day went, but no. That was too much. I heard it in your tone, and the underlying double meanings of your words. God forbid, I tell you I miss you and that I love you. Cuz that was too much for you to handle, apparently. Because, I unfortuntly can't relate to your life or what you are going through.

"I really don't want to talk about it." You spat into the phone. You sighed, "You know I want to, but like, it's hard for you to understand. I have 5 students who don't turn in shit that are begging for me not to fail them, I have a teachers pet who won't leave me the fuck alone and one kid who wants to sleep with me so badly it's disgusting." you rambled. "Im sorry, babe. Do you want anything? or need anything? Can I do anything to help? I can organize or help you grade." I suggested, but she wanted none of it. "Ha, yeah. You'll think everybody deserves an A." You chuckled.

Again, I couldn't understand but wanted to be a good boyfriend. Be the best that I could be, but it was never enough.

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You got me fucked up in the head, girl.

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, girl?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

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I have never self doubted myself so much before. I have always been confident, collected and 100 % sure of myself. But that went out the door as soon as I met you. I began to second guess what I wore, what I read in front of you, the shows or movies that I watched, what I said. You were so out of my league, and I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that you chose me. I was hoplessly pining after you, was it all a joke? Was it all a facade? To use and dump me, because I wasn't what you expected or leveled up to your expectation?

It angers me to no end, how I used to be somebody so shore of themself that nothing rattled me. Maybe, you coming in and out of my life was a blessing in disguise? Your little comments about things I did was a way for me to realize, that I am no longer a child. I needed to start acting my age, but it made me want act out even more. God, I sound like a child. But then again, you treated me like one and not an adult who was the same age.

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'Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

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"God!!! You're such an idiot Tyler! Did you seariously not think about what you were doing?" You yelled at me, before making your way past me towards the kitchen. I admit, I was never the best chef but I tried. Today, I tried making a pasta dish that my mom had sent over. Claiming, you would love it. "Oh my god, its all over the oven." you huffed as I walked back in. When I was putting in the pot, to cooke in the oven, I had spilled some of the liquid that was in there. I didn't think anything of it, until the smoke alarm went off and that's when she jumped off the couch. "Are you stupid, Ty." You murmured, thinking I couldn't hear it. Yet, I heard every word.

Gotta, take three steps back now.

Later that evening, I sat in bed reading a book you had coerced me into buying the last time we were at barnes and noble. It was a book on American Politics, fitting since you are a history professor at a university in Dallas. Again, so out of my league. You pulled the sheets back hopping in bed, and honestly startling me. You had barely spoke to me throughout dinner, after me trying to cook. The food came out fine, and that's what I should have been thinking about. But nope, you had me rethinking everything I had done the past few days after getting back from a two week roadtrip. You shifted onto your side, staring up at me with those blue eyes I loved so much. I put my bookmark into the neck of the book and placed in on my side table, before shutting off my light. I turned onto my side, facing away from her. Not wanting to hear what you had to say about putting my book on my nightstand the way it was. "Ty..." I heard you softly murmur, before you wrapped her arms around me. I let them stay there until I finally turned over and faced you. I could make out your face in the dark, and saw your eyes filled with tears.

Don't do it Tyler.

I pulled you closer, into my arms and placed a kiss on your head. "I know, I know." I murmured as you cried in my arms. I hated the power you had over me. I was fucking hooked or trapped, not wanting to leave because if I did I know you would try to make my life hell. But then again, we have had some amazing times together. That mattered more right? But after you moved in - everything changed. "Ty..I am sorry for what I said." You began as you shifted to look at me, "I promise I will be better. You know I don't mean it right? You know I don't think you're stupid. Far from it. I just get controlling and I promise to get better. I promise." You said in the most honest and genuine voice. I nodded, almost robot like. This wasn't the first time, and this wouldn't be the last.

One step forward.

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And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you come with me to bed or send me to sleep cryin'?

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I wanted to have normalcy, and to know what I would be getting that day or that moment from you.

However, I loved the unknown. It was sadly addicting in a way. Yet, my therapist would choose other words to describe it. I never knew what to expect, which made it exciting but also terrifying at the same time. I never knew if you'd start something before bed leaving me to cry my self to sleep or having you in my arms. I never knew what to expect, and that was exhausting after awhile. Some night's I left to stay with Jamie, who again always told me to leave. But he didn't know the real you, or so I thought was the real you.

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And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

I don't understand

No, I don't understand

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I wanted to leave so badly, more than you could possible know. I had a bag at all times at Jamies, I always made sure to keep my most prized possessions locked up, incase you decided to go on a rampage and then leave with my things. I always had a safe word, that Jamie knew and only knew. Nobody on the team had a clue, and I made sure incase it got back to you. And if I ever said that word in public or private, he would know exactly what I needed him to do. To bring me somewhere safe, to lay out my options and figure out what I needed to do next with my lawyer and manager.

"I want to leave so badly, but I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I can." I said the very first day, with my now therapist. After a severe and scary blow up between her and I, I knew I needed to get a third point of view, and work on myself. I blew up way too much and I believed that that was the cause of all our issues. I was putting it all on my back, to keep you. They kept telling that what I was projecting onto myself, was uncalled for. I was putting too much of the blame on myself, when I should not be. That you were part of the problem, more so than I. Jamie had taken me there, and a little more than halfway my session, they had him come in to discuss my options and to make sure I would be taken care of and had a safe place if I chose to leave. This girl I thought I loved, had put me in a position where I thought I could never leave. That I had no way out, because she ran my life. You kept things in order, so that I could go do what I wanted to do. Yet, you would continusly throw it back at me about how you had no life outside of me, that all you did was cater towards me.

It was in fact the opposite, then. I had no life, I was always too scared to go out with the boys after a game win or lose. Scared to go out to eat with the team and there wags while you were working, in fear you would yell at me about being around women that weren't you or your friends. I stopped drinking, partially out of you judging me and partially out of fear, you would drink me dry and go off on me again about something stupid.

My life was a rollercoaster then, and I was scared of what it would be without the chaos and terror. I was scared of the retaliation, and the fear of you trying to come after everything I had. Everybody I loved, even though you and I were never married. I still couldn't wrap my head around how I had let somebody so toxic around my dogs. My literal children, and after awhile I couldn't deal with them being there. So Jamie being my best friend and honestly brother, took them in shortly after you moved in. To keep them in a loving home, and I knew that they were in a safe and healthy enviornment.

I don't understand, all of it. I don't understand where it all went wrong. I don't know where I went wrong, completely throwing out all common sense and my gut. I slowly lost control of our relationship, slowly losing control on my life. I had begun living my life according to you, and making sure you were happy with everything I did. I don't understand where the turning point was for me. How I had allowed somebody to completley flip my life upside down?

I was never enough for you, I did not challenge your intricate and deeply thought out responses and thesis' you were always creating for your students. I was never going to be able to rival your coworkers in anyway, or come up with a clever yet witty rebuttle with your friends. The only people you wanted me to see, outside of you. I will never understand, why you chose me. Was it because I was weak? Gullible? Because I was hoplelessly pining after you, never believing you'd agree to go on a date with me or agree to date me? Maybe because I was a bed filler, I was easy to keep around because I did what ever you wanted and was somebody you could get laid with?

I lay awake at night, cursing the universe for what I did to deserve all of this. How I always had to take 1 step forward, only to take 3 steps back. Everything little thing I did wrong, was a set back. Sadly, it's been 2 years and I still can't shake you. I can't shake how you waltzed around my house, thinking you ruled my world and dictated what I did and did not do. I can't shake how I couldn't see how manipulative and toxic you were. Even 2 years into therapy, and 1 year out of our relationship I still wake up in terror, thinking you'll be there to hit me in my sleep because I moved wrong, or woke up. Even a year later, I still can't get your anger out of my mind. Even as I try to come back to a somewhat normal life. A somewhat normal and healthly balance of life and work. Understanding and accepting, that it is in fact O.K to go out to eat with friends. How it is O.K to speak to my sisters, or to my family who were deemed unitelligent or dull because they did not have an IVY league degree from Harvard. I knew that me not going to college, somewhat irritated you becuase it came out in the comments you made about my intellegence and how moronic I sounded when trying to talk to you about important issues such as race or gender.

And yet I fear, I will forever be bounded by the grip you had me in. Yet, I know I will move on eventually, and be able to move on with somebody else and potentially have a family with them.

It'll be different then, I'll make certain of it. My life doesn't revolve around you anymore and it never will again. I can promise you that.

And someday, along the way, you'll be doing the exact same thing to somebody else and it'll be like deja vu.

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So yeah, that happened...I hope you enjoyed!!! Please reblog and like-- I'd appreciate it :)

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