#gonna need to rewatch that soon tm

[starplusfourletters]

Random takes on ahsoka ep 5

Okay actually spoilers this time

Thesis statement: Ep5 was absolutely ridiculous and I loved every second of it

For those wondering what it would look like if the peak of Zirakzigil and King’s Cross smashed into each other at a thousand miles an hour…

YASSSSS THIS IS THE ANGST CONTENT I SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED. I’m not even gonna think about it for a minute just gonna sit here and wallow

Ohhhh he’s got the early season CW armor on he’s just a little guy <3

[Referring to the Teensoka section] Man I was emotionally prepared to hate whatever this was gonna be but I really liked it. Like, multiple different character beats that all hit really well. Nice job guys.

When you’re 45 and just learning what intergenerational trauma is. Better late than never

Why is S7 Teensoka so short. I just think Ahsoka from ~S7 onward should be freakishly tall and yes I know Rosario Dawson isn’t super tall but let me have this

I guess there’s an argument to be made that all Ahsoka character beats get executed multiple times (lookin’ at you, Vader reveal) but guys. Guyyyyyyyys. How many times can she go swimming and then return as Gandalf the Orange because I’m counting three now (I feel like world between worlds and rebels finale are separate level-ups, but if you see them as one beat I’d throw Mortis into the mix). Admittedly part of that might be that I’ve been taking post-Rebels S2 Sith Temple Baptism as canon and I guess not everyone watching this show became completely feral in May 2016

This is totally unrelated but omigod those were Topps cards? The makers of Dinosaurs Attack? Universes are colliding for me rn

Huh we’ve never seen how her face and her montrals meet up before. And… I’m not sure I like it. Put the headband back on

Yeah I know we all knew the white robe was coming but Dave. Dave this is a lot. Like she has white gloves now? And white boots?? ([Channels Bojack Horseman] Do you get it? Do you get my joke?)

Also possibly unpopular opinion but I’m just sayin’ white isn’t her color. The combo with her montrals just makes her look washed out.

Alternative hypothesis: the white clothing is the spare outfit she hates but hasn’t gotten around to getting rid of yet and the grays are coming back as soon as they’re out of the drier

Alternative alternative hypothesis: Seatos’ ocean is 0.1% bleach.

Oh sweet baby Space Jesus she can do psychometry now. She hit level 20 at Malachor and just kept taking levels anyway. My blorbo is op and I can’t even be mad

I’m not even gonna touch “surviving without oxygen for several hours without even intentionally meditating”

Suddenly realized we’re more than halfway thru this show and we haven’t seen Thrawn and we still don’t have any substantial information about the Dark Jedi so like… who is the villain? Is it intergenerational trauma? Please tell me it’s intergenerational trauma

Why do space whales have baleen? Oh to filter feed on midichlorians. Never mind I retract my question

Aaaand Filoni just hit “Jonah” on his Biblical Hero Dartboard

So you wasted billions of dollars on this technology when you could have just asked a whale nicely? How embarrassing.

Come to think of it tho why didn’t Ezra just take a whale BACK? Then again if I start thinking too much about this it’s just gonna devolve into “How Rebels Should Have Ended”

[angelgendered]

Critters? Where are you?

So I'm back in my critical role era.

I know historically my posts about CR and wanting to find people active in the fandom have fallen on deaf ears for some reason, but I'm going to try again because I'm getting back into the fandom in a hyperfixation-y kind of way and I need more about it on my dashboard.

I'm Oli (he/him), 32, some of my posts are NSFW/NSFT/suggestive, I'm trans masc and queer and I have the bigest dumbest crush on Percival, Mollymauk, Ashton, Vax, Caleb and Orym. (Guess who also give me big gay crushy feelings above table? Pfff... I'm so transparent.) Disclaimer: I do also adore a lot of the ladies too, but not in the big gay crush way.

I'm nearly up to date on the current campaign and watch VM and TMN when they were current, and am on my third or fourth rewatch of VM. I'm also going to restart my third rewatch of TMN as well soon. I've also seen all of the current TLOVM stuff and am excited for more! I've also seen all of the side campaigns and one-shots at least once, and am gonna start my Beacon membership Soon(tm).

In short, I'm looking for friends, followers, mutuals, and people to follow. IDC if you're an artist or writer or some kind of other fanwork-maker, or if you just reblog stuff and like to chat. I'd love to follow you either way!

My dash is devoid of Critter stuff save for people like the official artists, and browsing the tags is beyond me due to low mental spoons lately. If you could like and reblog this if you also like Critical Role, that'd be great! I'll likely follow anyone who makes posts about any campaign or just TLOVM or any combo of those things :>

I am also seeking Discord servers to join! Ship based, character based, or just a chatty place to meet other fans, I'd love some links!

[the-crimson]

Ok now that the computers are becoming plot relevant again I think we actually need to figure out if the entity that attacked Philza for getting netherite way back in the beginning was actually intended to be the binary monster.

I am of the belief that was just an admin logging in to stop him from getting an illegal item because someone took a photo of the eggs around that time when all of their skins were glitched and one of the eggs wore that same black/green glitchy skin. I assume at that point they already had the code skin prepared as that was a planned plot point so why would they not use the skin if that was intended to be the code tm.

If that is the case then the first appearance of the code entity would be when Luzu’s computer appeared and Luzu reverted to Aaron after learning Tilin was dead. To my recollection, Luzu/Aaron didn’t know where the computer came from and the code only appeared after he’d reverted into Aaron. Aaron told Foolish and Bad that the codes were trying to kill him because he was a chink in the chain or something. Once Luzu logged off, the code immediately started targeting the eggs and first targeted Leo then the next day Dapper.

This is also super interesting because they appeared soon after three eggs died then it immediately started threatening the remaining eggs and telling the players to leave - at least when it appeared to Max, Bad and Dapper it told them to leave in the chat.

Did the computer open a gate way for the code to enter the island? Are the corrupted codes we’ve been seeing clones of the original code that came through to kill Luzu? We saw it in Max’s hallucination, it’s still out there… Are these computers gateways for more entities? Luzu is returning in addition to more players…

I don’t think the codes, if more come through, are going to try and kill the eggs. The binary entities have turned their focus away from the eggs entirely for a while and are focusing on Etoiles and Max. They’ve changed their approach instead of trying to scare the players into leaving they’ve got another plan.

Idk where I’m going with this my brain is too scattered. There are just so many things happening at once rn I’m gonna have to go back and rewatch the Aaron stream where the code first appeared to see. Idk what to think rn

Edit: also Luzu said in binary yesterday “a door is opening” sooooooo I think these computers are portals of some kind 100%….

[angel-feathers-tickling]

(positivity post about losing my virginity and overcoming internalized homophobia)

ok, I've been trying to word this and kept deleting drafts, so I'm just gonna ramble, ok? ok

so like, I was raised extremely homophobic and self-hating, it took a bajillion years to get over, blah blah blah

but then even afterwards, I felt like I was years behind everyone else. the american education system, or at least the school I went to, didn't teach anything about sex beyond penis-in-vagina procreation. it didn't even mention other kinds of sex, or the fact gay people existed, let ALONE how they had sex

but I spent my whole life avoiding learning ANYTHING about sex, and punishing myself if I did. so trying to seek out information was really, really hard, and I had to constantly fight the Religious Guilt (TM) even to masturbate

the only people who actually knew enough about sex and were comfortable enough to talk about it with me, were my two asexual friends (unsurprisingly)

suffice to say, I was really scared to actually have sex for the first time. I imagine most people are, but there were a lot of extra layers to it for me. what if I had an anxiety attack in the middle of it? what if the religious guilt ruined my weeklong trip with my friend? what if the homophobic bullshit about being gay being "just a phase" was true, and I didn't like it? what if I got too embarrassed and chickened out? what if the AROPHOBIC bullshit my church taught was true and someone "caught feelings?"

but, now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my heart, because none of that happened.

it was really awesome! I loved tickling, it was just as fun and sexy as I imagined it to be, I loved grinding and giving little kisses all over, and I even liked doing some light slapping (requested by my friend).

and more importantly, I realized something about all my previous "sexual experiences" (roleplay and even my online posting), which is that I felt like I needed to put on an act. specifically, like I needed to mask in order to be "sexy" or desirable to anyone

but that just wasn't the case at all, because I was with a fellow autistic friend who I knew closely and shared all my interests. we rewatched youtube videos while fucking and would pause to quote along with them. my friend would explicitly ask for things and then explicitly ask if there was anything I wanted to try. no undertones, no metaphors, no pushy "suggestive" tone, just asking. it made me comfortable enough to try things and have fun!

I experienced varying levels of "drop" (I think it's called?) after each session, but my friend reminded me to drink water and would get food and we'd do something comforting and familiar afterwards. and that's really awesome and really helped internalize the idea that sex is totally normal, actually, and not some Sacred Activity Only Meant For God

and then on the last day, I tried receiving cunniligus, and it was really really nice!! not in the "overwhelming pleasure" way (though it was very pleasurable), but in the way that after it was over, I actually felt like all my built-up tension was gone.

anyway I'm back with my homophobic family now but it was really nice to be out of the closet for a week and get some fresh air. soon I'll get out for good and I can continue being happy and comfortable in my own exact sexuality, with all my likes and dislikes.

[thechaseofspades]

For the ask game

First off, I love the image you chose for this. I can always count on you to come up with something new and unique.

Anyway, on with the answerings. Long post incoming.

11: Link your three favorite fics right now

Alright, let's get this out of the way first. My cardinal sin is not reading enough of other people's work. I'm going to fandom hell after I fandom die sadly but I have already made fandom peace with it. -- I swear I really want to read you guys' stuff I just don't have the time and/or attention span a lot of the time!

[Dear Fellow Traveller by justaboot]

I know, recency bias and all. But hush. The first chapter of this story could have been a story all on its own. I'm going to elaborate on what I like so much about this story in a comment here soon but long story short, I love how Huey is portrayed. Della too. Also Jamie has mentioned that her stories can be traced back to experiences she's had, and I can feel that going through this one. So much vivid detail that takes an experience I've never even touched and makes me feel like I'm living it. Not to mention how Huey feels relatable to me personally (thanks, neurodivergence!). Anyway, get your peepers out for this one, and your reading glasses if you've got em. It'll be a good one.

[Complementary Colors by Korkorali and tsundereanubis]

Come to think of it, this fic might have been a huge inflection point for me. It was probably the first time I ever realized that Violet Sabrewing is Literally Me (TM) because she's autistic and ace and plays chess what is there not to love. But also going through it again, I feel like this at least indirectly inspired "My Head is an Animal". Specifically, the part where Violet has a breakdown and Lena consoles her. Also also, not really related to anything I've done yet, but it got me to take May Duck seriously as a character. One of those moments where I realized that fanfiction could take a one-off clone of somebody else and give them depth, personality, etc. Not that she didn't have that in the show, but I think anybody would tell you that we didn't get very much May Duck content in DT17. Without this fic, we would have never been May'd. Send this to your friends to totally May them.

Pretty much any of the Weblena picks from TerminalMiraculosis but I'm gonna go with three because I cheat:

[Stitched Through Time]

[Crossing the Streams]

[When In Rome]

This was my genesis in the DuckTales 2017 brain rot. I don't care if these end up aging terribly and turns out there's a trillion typos and also it was written in Gaelic so I can't even read it and actually it was all a dream and none of it ever happened. These three are still going to have a special place because they opened me up to being a fan of something. I was just ranging out of that age where you were supposed to hide if you liked stuff, especially anything for kids. My nostalgic pandemic-era binge of Phineas and Ferb, for example, was something to feel shameful of, not enjoy every second of like I ended up doing. But watching DuckTales, and then immersing myself into this fandom shortly thereafter, taught me how to enjoy things. How to love things. How to love myself. Since 2021, I've spent a lot of time embracing who I am and learning to love myself. I'm not gonna say that DT17 taught me how to do all of that, but I will say that it showed me how doing so could make me so much happier in life. And here I am now, being happy in life. Funny how that works.

41: Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

This answer applies to pretty much everything. Movies, tv shows, and yes, reading stuff. I don't rewatch/reread stuff unless I have a reason to do so. It's nothing against the concept or anything, just that I always feel like I need a reason for doing whatever I do. Usually if I rewatch/reread something, it's because I want to check a specific part of it, like quoting a line properly or what have you. Even the fics that I linked up top, I haven't reread them in the two years since I found them. That's just how my brain works I guess.

62: Thoughts on cliffhangers?

I'm fine with cliffhangers as long as they're eventually resolved. I used a few in "Groundhog Day", and that was fun to do. I'll also say that as a writer, cliffhangers in actively updated fics are a neat little trick to get people talking. Want some free feedback? Just have Lena Sabrewing wake up in a void outside of time and space. And then just end the chapter. Comments go wild for that.

As a reader, cliffhangers are alright but it comes with a big caveat: I'm not the best at remembering what I last read. So if it's been a few days or a week since the cliffhanger, I might have some trouble remembering where we are in the story. It might be a smooth transition where we pick up exactly where we left off, but that might not click in my brain. Idk it's weird. And like I said I tend not to reread stuff that often so that complicates things.

[tinywitchgoblin]

Hi I would like a ship request for tbb please :) I'm a 22 year old girl I have shoulder length dark brown hair with red highlights. How I dress is either kind of a basic androgynous look like T-shirt/sweatshirt and jeans or kinda sexually charged feminine look, when I'm in the mood to put in an effort with my outfit I typically like to feel sexy. Lots of really tight tank tops and crop tops. Most of my wardrobe is black, I'm a tiny goth at heart but I wouldn't say it reflects so much on my outer appearance as it once did.

I love watching movies + TV shows, it's probably my favorite pastime I rewatch stuff a lot (like I got paid for rewatching Grey's Anatomy or any marvel movie with Bucky Barnes and I could've probably bought a house by now). Hugely into all the nerdy franchises, super heroes, Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who. I love to bake and paint in my free time. I like to read but don't get to as often as I would like because I need utter silence to concentrate or my ears like to hyper focus on literally anything else that is around me 🙃. I'm very soft spoken in group settings, I find it difficult to get in my piece, I get cutoff most times so I tend to just listen to conversations. I do like to be a person that others think they come too if they need to rant about anything but I also get wildly uncomfortable when people cry around me, unless we are like super super close. I do have a bit of maternal instinct and like babies and younger children but do not mistake that for me wanting my own kids. Not gonna happen. Animals only please lol. I like to be helpful were I can but please also be hyper specific with your needs because I will stress about if what I am doing is right or even at all helpful. I love to give gifts. Giving someone something special or thoughtful and seeing them light up brings me the most joy in life. Even if it's as small as like a cupcake if they get any kind of joy out of it I feel that joy too and it makes my heart happy. I can be very snippy and sarcastic especially if you are acting the same way with me. I'll end that here, thank you for your time. ❤️

Of course ❤️

I ship you with...

Tech!

As I'm sure we've all figured out by now, Tech is a Nerd(tm), so being able to learn about your interests fascinates him. He never got to watch movies or TV shows on Kamino; if he wanted to hear a story, he either had to hear someone else tell it or he had to make it up himself. However, now that he's with you, there are so many things for him to watch!! And to make it better, watching new things allows him to spend time with you? Win-win! Just be aware, he will multitask while watching; he just needs to do something with his hands at all times.

Baking with Tech is something you both enjoy as well. Tech much prefers baking over cooking because it's much more exact, and the directions tend to be a lot more specific- something he does well with. He researches new recipes that he wants to make with you, looking up multiple versions to see what techniques work the best, which ingredients to use, etc. so that the final product is the best it can be. Sometimes Tech takes baking a little too seriously, so you might have to reign him in a little bit and remind him that this is a relaxing activity.

When in social situations, you and he tend to stay close together. Depending on the topic, Tech most likely won't have a ton to offer up, so you and he end up sitting and listening to others talk, sitting there and enjoying the company. Sometimes Crosshair will join you, but other times, he needs space to be grumpy. However, whenever you eant to say something and can't seem to get a word in, Tech will make the others stop so that you can talk. It was a little embarrassing at first, but it soon became a habit, because if anything, Tech wants to make sure his loved one is able to express themself fully.

-

Thanks for reading! If you want a ship request like this one, drop it in my ask box, and don't forget to reblog 💚

[chellyfishing]

I’m still kinda confined to bed so I’m gonna talk about some mobies I watched recently!!

dashcam: so the way this was described by reviewers that i follow was like “protagonist is awful, horror is great,” and yeah that about sums it up! but like I said in my post that kinda makes the horror work for me bc im like yes please bad things should happen to bad people. I would say im sure she’s very lovely in real life but like i think the point is that she is not. I would watch it again.

disenchanted: this movie was uhhh kinda bad!! bad writing, especially the song lyrics, I actually could do an autopsy of this bc I turned into That Bitch tm while watching it like 🤓 um actually these are plot holes but idk it didn’t, hmm how to put this, respect its audience I guess? I have large reserves of WSOD but there was no internal consistency to what we were working with. that aside it LOOKED gorgeous, the FITS in this my god, everybody was stunning at all times

falling for christmas aka the lindsay lohan christmas movie: like, I think most people going into this film know what they’re about to get and as long as you stand by those expectations you won’t be disappointed. except why was santa there, why was he real, and why was he so creepy, what was that all about, somebody needed to tell whoever thought that was a good idea that they were wrong about that and probably a lot of other things in life I have to believe!!!!! we stan tad tho. what a weird little twink.

the last broadcast: this was a movie Ryan hollinger was covering and it’s free on tubi so I was like all right heck yeah I’ll go watch that then come back and it’s a pretty wild ride! It’s a found footage that predates Blair witch by a couple years and I don’t think it’s as good as Blair witch but it’s not what you expect. like I very much appreciate what they were going for here and I think I’m gonna watch it again soon. kinda camp but with found footage production idk if that makes sense.

the McPherson tape/ufo abduction (the 1989 one): another found footage that Ryan covered that is free on pluto! pluto the app not pluto the dwarf planet you don’t have to go that far. the tension in this movie feels real!! this is real stressed family gathering energy. also I just like found footage i am an easy sell.

pearl: this movie is very different to x!! but I liked it a lot it is very very good. not super scary, the tension in that scene near the end is killer tho. more of a character study than a standard slasher like x was. also very stylized in a cool way like it really evokes of all things wizard of oz which is deliberate to my knowledge. just a good movie and mia goth is so incredibly talented. looking forward to maxine!!!

spy x family: not a movie but i did binge it over a couple days and i have no regrets. do people have good fic to hand, im going to go looking, I need for them to KISS ALRSADY GOD

cabinet of curiosities: not a movie either but do yourself a favor and just watch it. i know I like anthologies more than the average person but this is guillermo del toro-curated! and he introduces every episode and director so you get to see him! eight episodes. go do it.

I also did a rewatch of the happy death days with Phil those are such a delight im glad I could share them 🤗 and a rewatch of till death bc it slaps.

[thypunisher]

My theme + rules (including my mun page etc.) is all up and done. I just gotta finish wolfwood’s bio + verse page and i’ll only have icons left to sort out!

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x07

Here we go, my least favorite episode of the whole show excluding season three which I didn’t watch! If you have even a passing fondness for Ninon, I suggest you look away :)

We start with a royal procession through the crowd and there are quite a lot of waving people there. If they can fill the streets with extras for scenes like that, why can those same extras not be used for the court scenes?

Priest whose name I have forgotten is being robbed. The musketeers rush in to help. 

Meanwhile, a crazy girl tries to get close to the queen and ends up being ran over by her carriage. If this is meant to be some Emily Davison analogy, it sucks!

The dead lunatic’s name is Therese and she wanted to give the Queen a note. Constance takes it and says “Fleur, what does this mean?” Am I supposed to take from that that she cannot read for herself? Cause a merchant’s wife definitely, definitely would know how to do that. 

Fleur is nowhere to be seen, however.

“This is an age of glorious discovery!” says Ninon. “Galileo observes the moons of Jupiter... But what is the role of women in this age of wonder?” - well, gee, i don’t know Ninon. Maybe you could have mentioned some female scientists of the era in addition to Galileo? Catherine de Parthenay, anyone? Or Marie Fouquet? Hell, Ninon de l'Enclos, my atheist queen, for whom this Ninon is doubtless named, was a notable woman in her own right! But no, we have to make women look more oppressed than they actually were to make this waste of space look more awesome. 

“My women of Paris, seek your own enlightenment!” - wrong era!

Therese, an orphan from a humble background, wanted to hand a petition to the queen about women’s education.  

“If she was an illiterate orphan she could not have written this. It is misguided but not unintelligent.” - says Richelieu. And indeed he turns out to be right. She didn’t write it. Which is fucking bizarre. 

Anne asks him if he doesn’t favor women’s education and he replies: “I admire learning wherever it is to be found, but this amounts to an attack on the authority of church and state.” Any French history buff know what the actual Richelieu’s thought of women’s education? @tatzelwyrm​? I’m gonna start a biography on him soon, but not until I’m done with this rewatch.

Ninon barges in past the guards and yells “stay out of my way, I will address the King!”. I’m sure this is meant to make her look badass, but she just comes across like a complete idiot who doesn’t understand that she would do better to follow court protocol, no matter how much she might dislike it, if she wants to achieve her goals.    

Luckily for her she’s pretty, so the king doesn’t mind.

“I want to know why this tragedy happened. If your guards are to blame I want them punished.” And then she gives Treville a dirty look! How dare you, you waste of skin and oxygen! Don’t you dare blame Treville for this mess! 

“You knew this lunatic?” - lmao, Richelieu!

Therese was the daughter of Ninon’s servant whom Ninon decided to educate. So she was educated, she COULD have written the petition herself. But she did not. Because when Richelieu says “she wrote this and was killed trying to give it to the Queen” Ninon screeches: “Don’t be ridiculous! She didn’t write it, I did!” And I mean, who exactly is looking down on servant girls here and saying it’s ridiculous to expect them to write something intelligent. It’s not Richelieu. 

But more importantly, WHY?? If Ninon wrote it, why couldn’t she hand it to the Queen? Why did this poor girl have to die? This is so, so stupid! I mean, okay, maybe Therese heard Ninon speak well of the queen and got the idea to hand her the petition on her own, without being told by Ninon to do so. But why did she have it in the first place, if it’s Ninon’s petition?

“Apparently the Comtesse de Laroque believes herself above the normal laws and conventions of society.” ´- well that’s an understatement.  

“The treasury is bankrupt and the country needs a new navy. Ninon has the wealth to provide it.” And that is why Richelieu sends Milady into the salon to find something to use against her. These two are so good in this, I love their scenes together! Pity about the rest of the episode. 

Richelieu is now freaking out about lesbians and Milady is just like “really, dude? really?”. I love her!

“Ninon must pay up or face destruction, I want every last penny from her!” - so it was not his intention to kill her, just to get the money. Interesting.

Fleur’s father is Bonacieux’s cousin. I love that, the commoners having family connections and support circles of their own.

The robbed priest is called Luca! Richelieu is “delighted to see him”, apparently, cause they’re old friends. And Louis isn’t, because he wrote a pamphlet arguing that Kings should bow down to the Pope’s authority. 

“We can’t have a comtesse abducting young women and spiriting them away to her boudoir!” - Oh, Richelieu! Do calm down.

It’s odd watching Richelieu try to use homosexuality to take Ninon down while shipping Trevilieu thou. 

Athos barges into Ninon’s salon, demanding to know where Fleur is and Milady very discreetly hides behind a pillar. Lol! 

And Ninon starts hitting on Athos immediately. She tells him that she’s often thought he’s handsome but the “melancholy aspect” to his looks is “probably only mental vacancy”. Who taught you how to flirt? Why must you be so abrasive and confrontational all the time? Like really, I get she’s meant to be a Strong Woman Who Don’t Take No Shit TM, but she just comes across like a loudmouth. 

Athos likes it thou!

“Forgive our intrusion-” “I will not forgive it!” - Jesus Ninon, it’s just a figure of speech, a polite gesture. People use these in conversation sometimes. She’s so unnecessarily rude smh.

Aramis says he “gladly acknowledges the superiority of the female sex” and I throw up in my mouth a little. That’s not feminism, that’s slimy!

D’artagnan: “If that wasn’t flirting, I don’t know what is.”  Porthos: “Rubbish! She can’t stand him.”  Aramis: “One day I’ll sit down and explain women to you.” - cause we’re all the same and no means yes, right writers?

Luca: “His holiness is concerned about the direction of French foreign policy.” Richelieu: “Well the pope is Spain’s performing monkey.” - he really is so funny! I know I keep saying that, but he is!

Also, YAY politics! Intelligent dialogue! I love this scene so much!

“In matters of religion I defer to Rome, in all else I am my country’s servant” - lol, Richelieu inventing the separation of church and state

Luca: “Is this your final word on the subject?” Richelieu: “It is.” - and that right there is where Luca decides to kill him. The actor plays it really well, knowing it’s coming I can see the briefest moment of regret in his eyes, but without hindsight I wouldn’t notice anything. And he gives Richelieu the poisoned gift. 

Also, isn't it the same guy who plays Margaret’s new man in Harlots? 

Athos says that Therese and Fleur were so far below Ninon in status that they were not in a position to make choices of their own free will. Which is fuckign stupid. But Ninon saying that she views all women as equal regardless of their birth is equally moronic. I mean, sure, they should be, but in reality they’re not and ignoring that doesn’t help anyone. And Athos does point out that Ninon’s money and position gives her certain privileges, but it sits wrong coming from him and not from Porthos or Milady or Constance, who are from poor/less wealthy backgrounds. That said, this is still one of the few semi intelligent scenes in this whole episode, so whatever. At least someone said it. 

Now she kisses him and invites him to dine! And he just looks sad.

Luca tells Richelieu to “deal with” Ninon “firmly”, cause the Pope is dying and Richelieu could be the next Pope if he shows himself a strong defender of the church against “heresy”. What heresy thou? Women learning to read? Lol, that’s so cartoonishly evil and ahistorical, but whatever. This at least explains where Richelieu’s desire to have her burned came from.

Richelieu: “I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a heretic.” Luca: “A woman who openly defies God's laws, what other word is there?” - what laws thou? what has she done, other than hold some salon meetings, as every other noblewoman was doing at the time?

Richelieu promises to consider his options and Luca tells him to pray to the poisoned bone for guidance, lol.

This right here is Richelieu letting personal feelings cloud his judgement, thou! Which he said he has learned no to do. But he allows himself to be carried away with visions of becoming Pope and honestly I don’t see how he can possibly believe that could happen with his foreign policy and how hated he is by the Vatican, as stated in this very scene.  

Milady and Ninon! I love that scene! Ninon clearly thinks she’s super special because she “takes the initiative” by kissing men instead of waiting to be kissed. She’s so damn smug about it! And Milady is just like “oh I could never be so bold” and I swear I can hear her laughing internally! 

And she very cleverly charms Fleur’s location out of Ninon!

Athos’s idea of a first date is the morgue. Charming.

Athos saying that Ninon is responsible for what happened to Therese because she gave a lowborn girl an education doesn’t sit well with me. Classist ass! But she is responsible for not thinking of Therese beyond how daring and adventurous and fun and positively scandalous it would be to educate a servant girl and then not bothering to care for her when she got bored. Cause if she had done, Therese could have come to her with her plan and she could have prevented her death. Because yes, regardless of her education, her background predisposed Therese to be naive about the King and Queen and how petitions work. Where was Ninon in all this, when a girl under her charge decided to do this foolish thing that cost her her life? Because if you want to be someone’s teacher you do have a duty of care. In short, Ninon is a classist ass as well! They’re perfect for each other!

So Luca’s stolen bag is in the morgue with the body of the thief who stole it. And Athos promises to send for it in the morning. I know it’s CSI: Musketeers and all, but why was it not delivered to Luca the moment it was found, lol? He’s a pretty important guest at the palace and it’s his property. 

Athos agrees with Ninon that marriage is a curse. LOL!

Ninon’s reason for not marrying is that she does not want a husband to own her wealth and body. Makes sense and that’s why many independently wealthy women chose to stay unmarried. Just pointing out the few things that make sense.

“You are a rebellious woman” - oh good, we managed to squeeze the title of the episode into the dialogue! 

Aramis just tossed a red guard out of Ninon’s house. Can’t tell if he’s dead or not, but certainly unconscious. 

There’s fighting. The red guards have swords, the musketeers have books. Athos screams “where is your authority for this!?!” - well, the Cardinal, I’d assume, since they are his guards. Oh bear of very little brain!

Fleur and some other runaway girls are found sleeping in a secret chamber and Ninon is arrested for abducting them.

Athos is all like “you said she wasn’t here” and Ninon tries to explain that Fleur did not want to be found and begs “make them stop” to which Athos replies “sorry, I can’t”, his voice and face making it very clear that he doesn’t want to. Because a woman lied to him! This is the worst crime! Really Ninon is lucky she’s being arrested right now, otherwise she’d end up swinging from a tree.

“Four young women! In their nightwear! I can only speculate as to the horrors they have endured!” - Richelieu really has a bee in his bonnet about lesbians. The days before p*rnhub must have been hard for a catholic cardinal. 

Luca is even worse thou! “Your majesty is joking but Satan is real! And his female familiars are everywhere amongst us.” Jesus christ guys, calm down! Have a wank or something!

“She had the girls, she lied, she brought her fate on herself.” - Oh shut up Athos! Not everything is about you and your relationship issues! As Aramis points out. Thank you, Aramis! And I never believed I’d ever say that.

Ninon/Aramis  > > > > > > > > > > Ninon/Athos

Aramis gives Ninon the cross Anne gave him. This is quite sweet!

“It’s not so easy when you don’t have money” Constance says and she is right. But it’s like the show is saying that the only way women can be independant is if they are independently wealthy like Ninon. But that’s not really true, Fleur could get a job such as a seamstress or pharmacist or grain merchant or actress or even as a secretary now that she knows latin and greek thanks to Ninon. Women did have jobs in 17th century France and even belonged to guilds etc. Not saying that Fleur would not be more financially secure still with a husband, but if she really doesn’t want that she has options and I don’t like how this supposed “feminist” episode constantly erases women’s actual history. 

Fleur’s father rages “what does she need an education for? She’ll be a seamstress until she’s married and then she’ll be a dutiful wife and mother.” But if he is Bonacieux’s cousin then they are in the same social class, that is to say, the merchant class. And merchant women had to keep their husbands’ shops when their husbands were away. They needed to know how to read and write and do sums. They needed this to be an attractive marriage prospect to a husband of their own social class! 

And the father wants to hit Fleur and D’artagnan all heroically threatens him. How boring!

Richelieu: “Many of our young women are educated. It’s not something we’re ashamed of.” Fleur: “Not just embroidery and sewing.”  Me: “WELL OF COURSE NOT!!!”

Then Fleur says Ninon taught them the “secrets of our bodies” and Richelieu is a hound on the scent!

“Be quiet or you’ll be gagged!” - Again Armand, this is neither the time nor the place to indulge your kinks. 

ENTER MILADY! 

She does such a brilliant job of her testimony! This is again her lying about rape and I talked about before why that is bad, but in this case I don’t mind cause it’s for state reasons and doesn’t in any way invalidate her own story the way the thing with D’artagnan does.

Athos completely LOSES HIS SHIT!! Not doing the defence any good there, buddy!

The look she gives him as she walks out is priceless!

Queen Anne to the rescue, bringing clemency from Louis! Clever girl, must have manipulated it out of him! Season 1 Anne was intelligent.

And Ninon ruins it by saying: “I have never consorted with the devil until this moment. I am looking at him.” To which Richelieu replies: “Condemned from her own mouth.” As any person with half a brain would. Jesus christ Ninon, you should have been gagged! For your own safety! 

And then Richelieu stops breathing! And we get Treville’s reaction to it, thank you camera people! Thou Treville mostly just looks confused, like “what is that drama queen doing now?” 

Now he’s twitching! And I’m sorry but it looks hilarious.

Aramis carries him to bed on his back and puts a hand over his mouth. I’m not sure that helps with the breathing issues... 

Louis pushes Aramis out of the way and cries “please don’t die! please don’t die!” aawwwwwwwwwww!

Aramis really saves his life here, huh.

Anne is briefly jealous about the cross and asks Aramis if Ninon is his lover. Lol! She never expected him to stalk her for the rest of her life, she fully expected him to keep lovers.  

Luca: “Satan turned his blood to acid at her command!” Porthos: “We’ll add Satan to the list of suspects.”

Fleur: “You think I poisoned him?” Constance: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard even by musketeer standards.” - THANK YOU CONSTANCE!

Fleur is to be married to a 40 year old butcher. Poor girl!

“Was it you?” - LOL!

“Half the doctors say you’re doomed, the other half claim you’ll make a full recovery. There’s a lot of professional pride at stake.” - Milady is very funny too! But I’ve always known that! 

“Whatever happens to me, I want you to extract this confession from Ninon.” - translation: it doesn’t matter if I die, the main thing is that France gets that navy. For France, always. I’m amazed by how much he trusts Milady here thou.

Milady thinks the kneebone of St. Anthony is gross and “as much use as the doctors”. Bless her!

Constance very sweetly talks Fleur’s father out of forcing her to marry. Go Constance!

Ninon: “There is nothing worse than a woman who betrays her own sex” Milady: “I can think of a few things, but let’s not argue.” - THIS!! This is my favorite part of this whole miserable episode, because yes, with her background she can think of things Ninon couldn’t possibly imagine. It’s also a fuck you to that “don’t encourage girl on girl hate” line terfs and white feminists always hide behind when they get called out on their bullshit, though this wasn’t the point here. I love how she doesn’t even explain, too. Let’s not argue, cause what’s the point. You’ll never get it.

I do want to stress that Ninon is not wrong for educating other women and she has been unjustly condemned (althou I would argue that she might not have drawn Richelieu’s ire if she went about it in a more subtle, less smug way, for the safety of the girls she teaches if not for her own). But Milady is employed by the First Minister of France and is doing her job here, a job which she depends upon for her own independence and safety. As she says, Ninon didn’t do anything to her, she’s just a victim of circumstance. 

“If you don’t confess, the women of your salon will burn in your place. Surely you wish to save the lives of your accomplices in Satan?” - Milady does a good job of selling it, but if you think about it, that makes no sense. These women have already been publicly proclaimed Ninon’s victims. And if they have legal trouble with burning her alone, how would they manage a whole bunch of them, most of whom are also high ranking noblewomen?

Ninon falls for it thou. Fail!

Richelieu orders Ninon burned and Milady says that the Queen and King won’t like it. Richelieu replies that: “she’s irrelevant and a new navy will soothe his dismay.” He’s really underestimating season 1 Anne here. But season 2 will prove him right, sadly.

“The kingdom of heaven is a dream. Our only life is here.” - Go Milady!

Richelieu says he won’t burn her for heresy but to be careful cause “one day someone else might” and idk, but it comes across like pretty friendly advice, considering what he’s currently doing with Ninon. 

Now he worries he might go to hell! And Milady says he’s already there, lmaoo! I LOVE THIS SCENE!!

They go to the morgue to retrieve Luca’s bag and discover that the thief was poisoned in the same manner as the Cardinal. Thus the plot is uncovered.

“Open his mouth!” “You open his mouth!”

Luca kills a red guard and is about to kill Richelieu (who fights him with a fork!) when the musketeers burst in. And Richelieu curses them for being late!

Richelieu had apparently worked out that it was Luca who was trying to kill him at some point during the night. No idea how. 

Athos begs for Ninon’s life while the pire is already burning. And Richelieu agrees cause burning her is all very “dark ages”, like he said to begin with. He says he’s not a cruel man, just a practical one. But practicality sometimes requires cruelty. He’s not a sadist thou, that’s what he meant and that’s true. 

Athos drags Ninon off the burning pire. So the great feminist character got duped by Milady and then had to be rescued by her love interest. So good, much feminist. 

“As far as the world is concerned, Comtesse Ninon de Laroque died on that pire today.” Richelieu takes her lands, her property and her money and sends her into exile. Then he threatens to execute her if she ever tells anyone the truth of what happened.

“My voice will never be silenced, but I promise you will never hear it.” - the stupidest line of the whole episode and that’s saying something. Seriously, what does this mean? Your voice was silenced! Richelieu got your wealth which you could have used to educate more women. You were completely defeated. Like really, who is the idiot who wrote this? And what made them think this is in any way empowering or even just a satisfactory conclusion to Ninon’s acr?? Ughhhh!!

I do love Richelieu and Milady getting a rare victory thou! 

“Nothing, no person, no nation, no god will stand in my way.” - HOT!

Aramis gets his cross back lol. Otherwise it would have burned. 

Lmao, Richelieu sends Luca’s ashes to rome with a threat to the Pope.

And Capaldi pronounces “Richelieu” in a very strange way. 

Milady: “You do realise you’ll never be Pope?” Richelieu: “It’s an Italian club and largely a clerical position. I prefer something with a little more influence.” - L! O! L!

Ninon plans to open a school for poor girls and be a teacher. Well, idk, I hope she does a better job of it than she did with Therese.

Athos asks Ninon if “Madame de la Chapelle” ever told her anything about herself. And Ninon is like “so you did know her after all?” and he says “in another life” and she warns him to be careful because she has the cardinal’s protection so “a blow against her is a blow against him” and idk, does she realize that Milady was Athos’s wife here? Is that how I’m supposed to read it? He did tell her before that he used to be married.

Then she kisses him and tells him she could have loved a man like him. And she’s just way more into him than he is into her.

Lmaooo, Fleur is not forced to marry and can continue with her education and she’s “sure” that the woman who convinced her father was Ninon. And Constance doesn’t correct her and doesn’t even want the credit, but I’m mad lol, as if Ninon even remembers you exist Fleur!

D’artagnan gives Constance the credit, at least! And then comes his declaration of love, which is actually very sweet and I really liked them together in season 1! Constance is so beautiful in this scene too! It’s very well lit and she’s wearing that lovely dress!

Aaaaand we fade to black on some PG13 kissing and groping! Sorry, this was very long, but there was a lot to complain about.

In conclusion, awful! Like, the thing that bothers me the most is that this token girl power episode would not even have been radical in 1970, never mind today. The message is simply that women should have an education, which no sane person today would disagree with. It’s very safe and bland. And erases women’s real history in the process. It’s almost as if these male writers are congratulating themselves “weren’t things ever so bad Back Then, we are so much more progressive now”, instead of doing the truly radical thing and showing women’s real history, showing women in positions of power running their literary salons and not getting burned for it, showing women as independent businesswomen with an education! Why not give Bonacieux a female rival in the cloth business? Why not go deeper than “women are human beings” and give the episode a truly radical message that still resonates today. After all, we might be ever so educated now but it’s not like women have achieved equality. More on that in this old post: https://kuningannasansa.tumblr.com/post/126434697304/the-problem-of-ninon 

Anyway, I really hope the next episode will be better! 

Red Guards killed: 1 or 2, impossible to really tell

Ladies killed: Therese

Best Dressed: Ninon. She did have some pretty dresses. 

[anabsolutebuffoon]

Episodes 1-7 (part 2)

Okay so I made a mistake that I’m too lazy to fix, and basically I added details into ep 4 that were in ep 5, apologies. I’m too lazy to figure out which ones are from which so I’ll just continue the story but put it under ep 5 k cool. I also mix up these episodes too, sorry. Not gonna rewatch the series again for a tumblr post

Episode 5

English class again

Teacher gives project and lets students pick their partners

Go time for Sav

Sage agreed to be sav’s partner

Sav invites Sage over to her house to work on the project ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Not much to mention here.

Episode 6

Cut to Sav’s house and they stray from actually doing work and just end up chatting and dick around ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (not actually do the sex)

Sage stays a bit for dinner but cuts it short

Meanwhile, Brooke is being a jealous and insecure bitch, essentially plotting to ruin Sav and still keep Sage

Okay, so snippets of their convos are actually pretty real. I don’t recall all of it, but I remember Sage saying at some point, “I know I’m the captain of the football team, but that doesn’t mean I’m the stereotypical jock. I wish people could see me for me, y’know?” Or something like that. This entire series is really fucked up for a kids show, but I appreciate the fact that it is fucked up because when I look back at it, it’s like I’m so glad that I didn’t end up like that. I don’t generally care for popularity (I do appreciate attention tho) or care about what I look like. The only reason I’d care about my looks is because of my acne or fat, and if I don’t like it I try to fix it as best as I can and if I can’t completely fix it then I think that it’s okay because it’s not the end of the world. I don’t care if people see me dancing or acting a bit weird in public because they’ll forget me as soon as they go back home. I’m not saying that I’m better because I have a better mentality about myself, I’m kinda just sharing why I don’t care, and if I ever care it’s for myself. Anyway, moving on.

Episode 7 (half-way-ish through but it pisses me off so much that I need to talk about it now)

Sav approaches Sage at school to just chat and stuff

Brooke puts her plan to get Sage away from Sav and ruin her in the process to action

Brooke pulls Sage aside and tells him a bunch of bullshit lies that are obviously lies but Sage believes them like a dumbass bitch

Sage don’t like Sav anymore

I really wanted to finish the episode before writing, but it’s just so fucking stupid that I need to vent. First off, why is Brooke such an insecure bitch? I didn’t mentions this but it’s worth noting that before school, Sage was contemplating about breaking up with Brooke and getting with Sav and even got a rose for Sav. Now, lemme tell you about these bullshit lies Brooke is pulling out of her fucking ass. The first is that after school the day before all this, Sav bullied Brooke really badly, which we all know is absolute horseshit and Sav was actually taking Sage to her house for the project. The second lie is that Sav had a goal to kiss all the boys on the football team and is starting with Sage because she thinks he’s the dumbest. First off, are they fucking 5 years old? Second, it’s not wrong that Sage is the dumbest. Third, seriously Brooke, that’s the best you could come up with? The third lie is that Sav has a rare skin disease under her fur, and it’s all red, bumpy, has puss, and is contagious. First off, the Golden moment TM is when Sage goes “What!?!! Gross!!!!” Second, really Brooke? A skin disease? And to top it all off, she cries while she’s spitting shitty lies through her teeth. Absolute children. To make matters even worse, Sage believes every lie. Why? Because Brooke is crying, and she “never cries.” *insert facepalm*

Anyway, I’ll finish up ep 7 and update again.