#gonna use this as a reference when i start dumping theories

[kani-miso]

fugue au es analysis

@hectorthedoggo

with the recent chapter that dropped, i seriously wonder, why does their keyring get warmer at specific times?? i'm gonna make a mini analysis about some stuff i find interesting (route per route, chapter by chapter)

this is not exactly only about the keyring, i'm just dumping what i think about stuff i find interesting and informative

tw child neglect and child abuse

pst!!

red colored words= important but not about the keyring

bolded words=keyring information

italic words= reusing from fic

route 1: ch 1

‌Ugh, they just wanted an easy start to the day. This was quite the predicament. If only Jackalope was here; he would know what to do.

Es thought. Maybe Jackalope could find them here? Take them back to the tower, and reassure them that it would all be okay?

a sense of deja vu-

erm, is this more hints of what happened in the past? 'Maybe Jackalope could find them here? Take them back to the tower, and reassure them that it would all be okay?', i have constructed some sort of theory, they used to be in a physically abusive household and then got "saved" by jackalope (just for him to neglect them). 'If only Jackalope was here; he would know what to do.' many victims of abuse become touch starved, clingy and sometimes rely on their only support system (even if they're toxic). they become clingy because they have a deep fear on losing their only support system (jackalope atm). 'a sense of deja vu-' just supports the theory even further.

route 1: ch 2

‌It would honestly have been better if he yelled at them, or said it didn’t concern them. Now, that would be more comforting. A little taste of home.

Es was drifting off again, so they quickly snapped to attention to reduce the punishment. “Sorry!”

Mu looked at them with a pitying look. “You really are strange, aren’t you…”

Why weren't they mad?

'It would honestly have been better if he yelled at them, or said it didn’t concern them. Now, that would be more comforting. A little taste of home.' this is where the emotional abuse got implied (also more references to child neglect, not concerning for any other personal needs). emotional abuse involves verbal abuse, such as screaming, yelling, or swearing. such behaviors are attempts to gain power, and control and intimidate you into submission. being emotionally abused for a long period of time will cause the victim to normalize said behavior. es probably tried normalizing it from the very start, given that jackalope is 'a little'(/sar not a little) mean. they've normalized it so much it's comforting to get yelled at because it feels nostalgic, save them please.

'they quickly snapped to attention to reduce the punishment. “Sorry!” is this because they're canonically autistic in this au? they were wandering in their mind due to overwhelming thoughts that fill up their brain, and because of their past homelife, they were thought that they're not allowed to that. that's why they 'snapped back to reality' to reduce the punishment they'll receive. (i'm not well-versed in this topic so i apologize if i get anything wrong)

'why weren't they mad?' AGAUUGSUSUWHWHAHAH more of their normalization of emotional abuse, i'm so sad that this is what some actual victims feel when they get into better hands.

route 1 : ch 2

‌They didn’t feel whole without their keyring.

Es never really questioned the origin of the keyring, just knew that they should always have it, no matter what.

But, they decided to think about it, idiotically, so their head started throbbing. They let out a little pained yelp.

'They didn’t feel whole without their keyring.' they're keyring seems to be very important to them, and to think that the keyring is connected with jackalope.. jackalope technically became one of the most important things in es' life and they must pit all faith to him (referenced in route 2 : ch 3 'Jackalope would be mad if they put their complete faith in something else. Es looked away nervously.')

'they should always have it, no matter what.' i wonder if jackalope told them this or they told this to themselves. if they were to tell this to themselves, how do they know that they should always have it? so i'm pretty sure that it's jackalope himself who told them, no wonder they got so anxious when muu took their keyring.

'But, they decided to think about it, idiotically, so their head started throbbing. They let out a little pained yelp.' interesting! (how many times have i said this) maybe its because of their fear of jackalope, even though he's their guardian. they cling to him, like he's their savior, yet they're scared of him, like he's a monster. es living with jackalope also feels like an eggshell parenting situation.. eggshell parenting is when a guardian is very much unpredictable which causes the child to be highly anxious and highly hypervigilant in order to protect themselves in an unsafe enviroment. jackalope can sometimes just make es emotionally constipated and neglect their physical needs or be the devils in your nightmares.

route 2: ch 1

‌'Other humans humans had been a mystery to them for a while, and they didn’t remember if they had ever interacted with one other than the 4 they had encountered recently.

Their keyring felt warm against their clothes, as if trying to remind them of something.

But remind them of what?'

i'm pretty sure the keyring got warmer because of the mention of 'other humans', and i think its related to jackalope. jackalope has stated that he dislikes other humans that are not es. and seems like they maybe had interacted with other humans before, as 'they didn’t remember if they had ever interacted with one other than the 4 they had encountered recently'. their memories are erased so they wouldn't know what happened to them in the past, although i have a suspicion on what happened (i'll explain later on).

route 2: ch 2

‌'They wondered why being scary wasn’t a crime. A crime, huh? Did that have relevance to them? What-

Jackalope would say something about how ‘it didn’t concern them’, and-

They lost their train of thought and tried to dig up the freshly derailed train from the quicksand.

Has this happened before?

Es sometimes wondered when their birthday was, but asking Jackalope would only prompt a lecture from him.

There was a warm feeling on their neck, a key pulsing warm against their uniform. Wait, uniform, why-

Why did they feel like crying? Nothing bad had happened, right?

i wonder, does the cut off words (e.g: what-, and-, why-) reference the neglection they faced before? uninvolved parents (guardians) make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful. neglectful guardians cut off/dismiss the childs questions and needs or anything beyond the basics of food, clothing, and shelter. 'Es sometimes wondered when their birthday was, but asking Jackalope would only prompt a lecture from him.' one word, neglect.

'There was a warm feeling on their neck, a key pulsing warm against their uniform. Wait, uniform, why-' the fact they used uniform instead of clothes (Their keyring felt warm against their clothes, as if trying to remind them of something.) is rather interesting, i just felt like pointing that out. the fact that they, themselves are also confused on why they're wearing a 'uniform'. uniform is the distinctive clothing worn by members of the same organization or body or by children attending certain schools, but they're not in any organization nor schools. and again, back to topic, they're keyring got warm again by the mention of jackalope, their supposed guardian.

'Why did they feel like crying? Nothing bad had happened, right?' (es pls just cry its ok) usually children of neglectful guardians feel like its their own fault for being 'needy', they feel like theyre in the wrong for being 'ungrateful' because their basic needs are already fufilled. all children needs to have atleast one person to be their emotional support, but es has no one. neglect causes the child to have an empty place in their heart, the one that harbors love and affection (omg no wonder 'missing, missing'-kikuo, fits them!1!1!)

route 2: ch 3

‌… what were they thinking? These people had been nothing but nice to them, and this is what they traitorously thought. She would find out they thought that, and, and-

They wouldn’t want to remember it. They could forget it, forget it all.

istg if this references past instances. 'These people had been nothing but nice to them, and this is what they traitorously thought.' man, victims of neglect are usually hard on themselves for being doubtful and having anxiety. according to google, it can be difficult to balance self-preservation with paranoia, leading someone to make negative assumptions and behave fearfully. for emotional abuse victims, they may question the true and good intentions of others, because of the damaging and confusing nature of their abuse.

'She would find out they thought that, and, and-' paranoia are usually found in children who has a history of getting abused, so this just confirms the abuse theory even further. but, what type of abuse did they endure? in my opinion, i think they endured emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect, and domestic abuse, and child exploitation (< only based of off the information we have at the moment)

route 3 : ch 1

‌'Es felt like there was something big about them that they just couldn’t remember at the moment. felt like there was something big about them that they just couldn’t remember at the moment. Something instrumental to themself.

Thinking about it just gave them a headache, so they stopped; it felt so close, though. Their keyring felt warm against their neck, like a comforting, familiar collar.'

'Es felt like there was something big about them that they just couldn’t remember at the moment.' maybe, just maybe the big thing is about jackalope (idk what else would it be). especially that the fact they couldn't remember, them, in this fic, usually just buries the thoughts that make them feel sick and pains them (sure its something big about 'them', but they technically made jackalope into one of their most important things about themselves).

'Thinking about it just gave them a headache, so they stopped; it felt so close, though.' see? they do bury those thoughts that pains them. 'it felt so close, though' if its not jackalope i don't even know at this point. jackalope became one of the closest people to es. he's literally the only person es knew ever since they woke up, ofcourse they would be close to him.

'Their keyring felt warm against their neck, like a comforting, familiar collar.' this actually made me have hope that jackalope sometimes actually comfort them. 'familiar collar', either they're so used to seeing the keyring every single day, or jackalope. after all, jackalope's the only person they're actually familiar with, right?

route 3 : ch 1

‌'An occupation, huh? Did they have one? Their neck was warmer than usual.

The conflict ripped through them, as their instinctive thought was yes , but that was a baseless thought. However, it felt right on the tip of their tongue, like a word’s definition.'

'Their neck was warmer than usual.' no mention of the keyring, have they forgotten about the keyring(jackalope)?

'The conflict ripped through them, as their instinctive thought was yes , but that was a baseless thought.' why did they think of yes? did they previously have a job before getting "rescued" by jackalope? or is it just their instincitual desire by the id? probably, as their name es=id.

here's a reward for reading this. ily/p. i will go back to yappington

[deedah]

A love letter to Murder Drones

Btw this is just a rambling about how I got into Murder Drones and how it has changed my view of the world, so if you don’t care then don’t read :3

(Also it’s gonna be lengthy and maybe a bit of trauma dump)

I also don’t expect @liamvickersanimation or @glitchproductions to use tumblr, and if they see this I will jump off a cliff lol

So, it started one day when I got the Murder Drones pilot in my recommended on YouTube. Buut I scrolled right passed it cause I didn’t really care about it then. A few nights later, round midnight, I saw the pilot again and caved. I then went to the playlist and watched the first 6 episodes. (This was a month after ep 6 came out)

I did fall in love w/ the style of the show, but I did not understand the plot.

so I watched the show again and again, and even watched theory vids on it. And when I tell you I bawled by eyes out when I watched the show again, got connected to the characters, I bawled by fuckin eyes out when V sacrificed herself.

While watching theories of MD, something clicked in my head and I decided that I wanted to do my own show as well.

but, I suck at creativity and can’t make up new things, just edit already made things. So I decided, if I can’t make my own stories, I would help other people make their stories.

in other words, I wanted to be an animator

after I got my mind in on the fact I wanted to be an animator, I had downloaded many, and I mean many animation apps on my drawing iPad, and tried to 2D animate.

now, I would call myself a shitty artist. I don’t know anatomy and I barely use references too.

so when 2D animation did not work for me, I almost gave up my dream to become an animator, and plus.. I didn’t even know where I wanted to work.

I didn’t want to work for Disney cause I don’t really like their stuff anymore, and dream works kinda fell off too (no offense to any fans of those people, I will respect your opinions)

So I gave up on my dream, and I checked glitch prod. for any new info for MD ep. 7. But, instead of anything Murder Drones a new show was on called The Amazing Digital Circus.

now, I absolutely did not care about some new show, I only wanted Murder drones. Then I caved again and watched TDAC. and I fell in love w/ it as well.

and TDAC brought by dream back up to become an animator. I decided that I wouldn’t work for DreamWorks or Disney,

I would work for Glitch Productions.

now, I have no idea if I’ll ever be able to work for them, but it would be an honor.

then ep. 7 dropped for MD, and I fell in love again with this episode. Especially Flesha. Her movements, her emotions, her flicker design! It was all just perfect!

So I started to look online for ways to become an animator, but not a 2D one.

My mom helped me find a program called Blender.

and yes, I still use Blender to this day

I then started to take lessons from YouTube vids online and once I got the hang of it, I started to look for models that I could pose.

now, I can’t animate good rn cause I have a very shitty laptop that can barely run one model at a time, but I’m still learning.

and then the finale for Murder drones finally comes out. And omfg I have no words

it’s peak perfection

again the characters felt so ALIVE! And FREE!

and it’s what I wanted to do! It’s still is! I want to animate characters that people love and make art or fanfics about.

so.. that’s the point of this “Love letter”

I just wanted to say.. Thank you Liam and Glitch for this amazing show that I and millions of people could be apart of. And I hope I’m able to meet you in person and maybe even work under you one day.

Again.. thank you @liamvickersanimation and @glitchproductions.

you brought be out of my shell and made me into a better person, I owe you a lot.

and with that.. goodnight

-love @deedah

[missnobodymadness]

Jujutsu Kaisen OC introduction: Jiyū

(I'd like to apologize for the lack of art but unfortunately I am not an artist and I am broke at the moment, so I'm just gonna info dump about her because can't help it :'D)

───── ⋆⋅Jiyū⋅⋆ ─────

"Even monkeys have a nervous system and a beating heart, what's so wrong about them not being able to speak like us?"

General

Name: Misuzu Zenin (Birth name); Jiyū (Chosen name)

Meaning: Beautiful (Misuzu); Freedom, Liberty (Jiyū)

Date of Birth: 23, March, 1990

Age: 27

Zodiac: Pisces

Gender: Gender nonconforming

Pronouns: She/They

Sexuality: Heterosexual but curious

Species: Human

Blood Type: A+

Status: Alive

Appearance

Height: 5’9” / 1,75m

Weight: 154lbs / 70kg

Skin color: White

Eye color: Greyish blue and violet

Hair color: Black and white

Hair length: Medium

Scars/Birth marks/Tattoos: A long scar on the neck, a line tattoo under each eye, two natural dots at the end of each line, three thick lines under the lips (go from lips to chin), the middle one is thicker than the other two and tattoo of two intertwined snakes that goes from her left hand to her right hand, this tattoo goes around her neck (I wish I could explain it better but English is not my first language).

Body modification: Three piercings on the left side of her nose (High nostril, nasallang and nostril), two piercings under the lip (Snake bites) and forked tongue.

Other features: Usually uses a dark smoke purple lipstick.

Relationships

Biological Family

Mother

Unnamed Zenin

Father

Unnamed Zenin

Siblings

Jinichi Zenin

Toji Fushiguro

Partner

None

Children

None

Other family

Megumi Fushiguro (Nephew)

Naobito Zenin (Uncle)

Ogi Zenin (Uncle)

Naoya Zenin (Cousin)

Maki Zenin (Cousin)

Mai Zenin (Cousin)

Other relationships

Suguru Geto (Love interest)

Satoru Gojo (“Friendly” rivalry)

Kento Nanami (Friend and confidant)

Yu Haibara (Friend)

Shoko Ieiri (Friend)

Yuki Tsukumo (Good friend)

Utahime Iori (Ex-friend)

Education & occupation

School

Tokyo Jujutsu High

Year

2nd year student (2007)

Grade

2

Occupation

Jujutsu Sorcerer

(Accused of being a curse user by Kyoto Jujutsu High)

Affiliation

Tokyo Jujutsu High (Former)

Geto’s “Family” (Former)

Combat

Cursed tools

Karambits, a boomerang and a special kind of chain scythe.

Innate cursed technique

Toxic Infusion

Extension techniques

Terminal Blast

Domain

Lethal Chamber of the Serpentine

Personality

Jiyū is overall an independent and calculating person with a questionable conduct that may come as impolite and cynical to some when in fact, she is just living in her own world and abiding by her own rules.

Positive traits

Independent

Creative

Perseverant

Self-Reliant

Clean and organized

Negative traits

Unethical

Challenging

Selfish

Morbid

Escapist

Likes

Dark themes, anatomy (especially human), organization, extreme sports, cryptozoology and conspiracy theories.

Dislikes

Dirt, strong smells, depending on others and working together, unless when sharing the same goals, unpunctuality, vanity.

Trivia

- Despite the name of her domain, it is NOT a lethal domain; the name refers to the abilities of the domain, which can be deadly if she gets lucky and is able to maintain the opponent there long enough.

- She has selective mutism, which is believed to be a result of the oppression and generational trauma she suffered from the Zenin clan.

- She smokes when things get overly tense/stressful or when she is too anxious.

- She has two names: The one she was given at birth by her parents and family and the name she picked herself after abandoning the clan.

The name Jiyū was chosen for its meaning, which is freedom/liberty; she admits that one of the reasons why she picked such name was to provoke and mock the Zenin clan.

- She has this weird habit of start talking about conspiracy theories out of nowhere, especially when she is with people she sees as close friends.

- Just like her brothers she is very good at physical combat, it apparently runs in their blood.

- Her reputation is not the best; she mostly enjoys working alone and only follows rules when she agrees with them or when they benefit her.

- After an incident where she was framed by Geto’s Family, she gets accused of being a curse user by her then good friend, Utahime Iori, but Jiyū and most of the Tokyo Jujutsu High don’t agree with that claim.

────────────── ⋆⋅⋅⋆ ──────────────

Alright, this is all I've got to show you for now, maybe in a few months I will be able to commission an artist to finally give her a face!

Trying to save some for my birthday, which is in June, maybe I will be able to buy myself a birthday gift, who knows. *crossing my fingers*

[fawna12]

Edit after the fact: This took me an hour that I was really supposed to be doing something else during so please consider reading it if you are interested in chronicle zero it is just a brain dump of all of my random thoughts but i hope to summon other genlosers who might like it

alright so this is gonna be a LONG post that's just Chronicle 0 theories and probably won't be edited too much because at some point I'll be typing as fast as my brain is going

Starting from the top, the connecting post from the generation loss twitter. This is the same connecting... type thing as from some Gen 1 teasers, especially with the portal thingy which means that, going by infinite alternate universes theory segment it's probably the reason we can see the things Zero writes.

In other words, the portal/connecting thing could be what let us watch Showfall Media's show, and could be the same thing that's putting Zero's journal in twitter posts for us.

Then Zero replies to it (kinda) with their first journal post, talking about how they're supposed to categorize their thoughts. Zero thinks it's dumb. The date is sometime in the 1900's, probably gonna be important later for time period and stuff. However, probably 1970's or later due to a later entry by Zero. The journal stuff was probably suggested by Mary (therapist?) as suggested by a later post. She wants Zero to keep writing.

Next, theres a poll with 3 hellos. I am forming this thought as I am writing it, but the polls seem to have an extremely different vibe than the journal entries. They could be a different person, someone from generation loss, or they could be Zero from a different time period... The definition of generation loss is "The loss of quality between subsequent copies or transcodes of data." (Wikipedia) could this be Zero from after the story starts, trying to ask for help or communicate? If so, does Zero know about the journal posts? I'm going to treat the polls as a different version of Zero for the rest of this analysis even though that isn't very likely.

The next post referances how it's been 8 months. 8 months since what? Given that Zero started writing in July, it was likely December or maybe November when something happened to Zero. Did Zero lose memories? Something happened to Zero, but what? Was it lostfield? What happened in December? Definitely something traumatic for them.

Continuing that section, Zero is getting treated poorly, and their family as well. This could easily be because of what happened in December. Did Zero do something? If Zero did something, other people might view them as a monster and be treating them poorly because of that. Zero made a list of good things and bad things, which can sometimes be something therapists ask you to do, making me think more that the journal is therapist sanctioned. The good things include their family, dog, Jay (partner? best friend?) something thats crossed out, and the journal they're writing in. They don't list the bad things, saying that they won't ever forget those. Is this a book so they don't forget their feelings? Are they worried about their memory? They also say that writing is helping.

There's another poll, between Who? or What?. Not much information to go along with that, so i'm skipping it.

J, presumably Jay, says that Zero should log their "wild dreams". This is where it starts getting interesting :D

D1 (dream one) Zero was in a red field (LOSTFIELD??) and it was all weird. For some reason, this made me think about nuclear stuff. Ranboo did say that radiation exposure was on the genloss board of ideas, but I don't think that generation 0 will have that, at least not much with the information that we have currently. Zero states that they were trying to find something, and then fell into a chasm. They state that the chasm felt unnatural and unstable. The cave shifts and they feel like they're being FORCED TO WATCH IT. And then the dream loops. Could this be a generation loss glitch? stay with me here, but what if this is a different one of the infinite worlds that's being accidently projected into Zeros mind as they sleep? Unlikely, but possible. It could also be what happened to them 8 months ago... or what will happen to them (poll person?).

Next post- Zero doesn't like work. This is the post that makes me think the year is 1970 or later, as it's mentioned that the manager is old and doesn't understand what they're selling due to his age. That implies that it could be technology retail, making me think of a later year. "the comments hes made have gotten on my nerves" harassment over normal stuff, or could it be over a side effect of whatever happened 8 months ago to Zero?

Ooooo Zero showed their dream to Jay and Jay thinks it's a cycle/Zero being forced to relive stuff. I really think there's going to be some sort of time loop in the show this time, like in groundhog's day and some other movies. Zero will probably get stuck. Jay likes supernatural stuff- Oh wait Ranboo mentioned this generation will have ghosts and stuff is Zero being haunted? THE POLLS COULD BE MADE BY GHOSTS OH MY GOD I WONDER IF THAT'S IT. that would be so cool and would make sense what if the ghosts are showing Zero how they died. Are the ghosts showing Zero how they died while Zero is sleeping. Oh no Zero's going to have so much trauma. IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED EIGHT MONTHS AGO DID SOMETHING HAPPEN LETTING THE GHOSTS CONNECT WITH ZERO THAT WOULD BE SO COOL probably not but like- okay back to the posts Zero doesn't believe in the supernatural despite Jay believing in it and knowing a lot about it.

wowie dream 2 okay Zero is definitely a high schooler or college student as they mention school and work as part of their normal day. Anyway the dream is a normal day but then they end up looking at the stars on the hood of Zero's car. Zero mentions a "we", could be friend group or Zero and Jay? Maybe Zeros family. Zero was calm, but the sky was ripply (like water?) and the stars looked weird. then everything else was gone and the sky crashed into them until they woke up?

If the dreams are from ghosts, then that ghost either drowned or got crushed by something from the sky. Could be a bomb or something, maybe.

oh my god it's another poll the poll is between Stop or Don't

Don't won. If the polls are from ghosts then this could be them asking if they should stop sending Zero dreams. If the polls are from Zero in the future... they could be Zero begging someone to stop torturing them that would be funnn.

Dream three! (this analysis is almost over and if you read all of it then thank you) Zero is in a hospital with alarms blaring and they know something is happening. TIME LOOP TIME LOOP TIME LOOP TIME LOOP THEY TRY TO FIND AN EXIT BUT KEEP ENDING UP IN THE SAME SPOT they don't know anything but that they have to get out... get out before what? they start panicking and then something starts chasing them. Oh this is an interesting sentence "It's screams sounded like my own, like I was out of air but still needed to make a sound." the phrasing of needed to make a sound and the fact that its screams sounded like Zero... The screams sounding the same remind me of the wire monster from Generation One absorbing Charlie. The fact that it sounded like Zero NEEDED to make a sound is incredibly concerning, but then again Zero and presumably the thing chasing them are both trapped. they are all trapped. Zero runs out of energy and then wakes up right before they can see the thing come through the door they just went through.

If these are ghosts, then this one died trapped in a hospital, possibly being chased by an attacker. (or alarms could be because of an air raid or smthing if I'm trying to connect this to as many theories as possible) This dream makes me feel like the POV is of someone younger. being trapped and having something chasing you until you run out of energy feels like something a child would feel, especially combined with the hospital and alarms. I'm not sure why I feel like that though.

At the end of that entry, Zero says that they're late, likely for school, and then they leave.

but then there's another poll

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN

or

KEEPGOINGKEEPGOINGKEEP

if the polls are from Zero's future self, then Slightly Older Zero could be living through the dreams. Maybe what Zero does in the dreams effects what Zero can do later.

If the polls are from ghosts, im not sure what this one would mean.

okay last journal entry before this post is done! Zero starts by quoting J "you never know when inspiration and or a traumatic experience will hit you" I really hope that Jay is a character in the filmed part of Generation 0, they seem great. This does kinda confirm that whatever happened to Zero was traumatic though. Zero then says that Mary was right about writing in this helping them. (this is why I think Mary might be Zeros therapist) then Zero says "maybe she could be right about me. Im hopeful." This makes me think maybe Zero views themself poorly due to whatever happened to them. Very interesting

Alright this post is finally over thank you for reading my rambles I'm so excited for this generation and the rest of generation loss thank you again bye!

[1d1195]

I looked up the songs and omg tell me why I got the urge to CRY during Black and white?! That’s such a cute song 😭and you do seem like a lyric girly! From the songs you’ve mentioned in your asks and even the songs for story inspo they tend to have strong lyrics that do seem to give story vibes! But ahh so happy you got see him live! I’m so glad you had a nice time!

Now idk if you ever answered this before but who was your “main guy” when 1D was still active? Did you go through phases or was it just hard to choose?

Not the trauma dump BAHHA it’s okay, I feel like we have all trauma dumped here😂 plus your blog is a very safe space (at least for me) so it’s okay lol but I’m a bit the same too, if I do something I have to personally feel like I gave it my all in order to feel “okay” about it. I think it’s a good quality to have but definitely not great in the long run if not learned how to manage so it’s okay! At least you’re aware of it! I’m also thankful I’ve had other things to obsess over hahah

I love ranting! I will gladly read anything you feel like ranting about lol I don’t have the kindle app on my phone, what I do is I search for free pdf versions of the book I’m looking for whether it be school related or for fun! If I can find it for free, I WILL BC I LOVE A DEAL! And I also use Apple Books depending on the vibe I’m in lol but overall I do prefer a physical book because I just love the whole experience of it!

And yeah it’s 13😭 idk if I’m gonna be able to commit to a full series because I haven’t been able to do that in a long time 😭 I prefer it that way too now! I don’t really have the time or energy to binge anything anymore, it’s very rare when I do it lol I LOVE watching once a week episodes like it’s so fun for me! When Succession was airing, I WAS LIVING FOR IT! It was so fun to see people’s theories/reactions to it and it was great. Plus I also love Drag Race so that is probably the only show I consistently keep up with lol oh don’t even get me started on the whole Part 1/2 thing IM SUCH A HATER OF THAT!!! Like it’s so unnecessary!! Oh and bestie I’m so excited for the next episode bc a great(and hot 🤭) character is coming back and I’m READY!

It’s always the English teachers that are like the best at explaining! My sophomore English teacher really helped me understanding Shakespeare because I just didn’t get it and I also didn’t care enough to get it lol but she made it bearable! She was also like the one who made me feel more confident in my writing skills even though I always did get good feedback, her enthusiasm for me really made me feel nice 🥹 I’m still a Shakespeare hater though 😗

Aww you’re so sweet! I mean tbh I’m still learning if I’m being honest lol I didn’t really know how to have a full on conversation in English till I started kindergarten. I knew some basic words but at home we mainly spoke Spanish. My dad actually started to teach me a bit before I started so I wasn’t completely clueless. My mom taught me a little bit in English too but she was more worried about my brother and I speaking Spanish well so she focused on that. It was okay like I was alway labeled a “smart” kid so I could make things out a bit quicker. Sometimes I would even help translate a bit for other kids who knew less English at an early age too which meant they were mainly my friends lol but mainly later on it was just ironically reading comprehension/ little bit of grammar that I was struggling a bit. It was mainly like American slang/culture references that would confuse me (idk wtf a cup of joe was until like the 3rd grade 😂). And sometimes even writing was difficult because I would only feel like I could properly express me thoughts/feelings in Spanish and sometimes it happens in convos lol and being a first gen/eldest daughter later on i helped my parents understand certain things in English too since i would have a better understanding in some aspects. But overall in terms of just language stuff, it wanst too bad considering I did have help and I was determined to understand things. Plus I’ve always liked learning lol AHH sorry that was so long it probably doesn’t make sense 😭

Omg Sam😭 that is just so sweet of you to say😭 would have loved to have shared a class with you too💗

Ooo yay the beach sounds so fun and idk a shopping trip sounds fun! AND I SUPPORT ANOTHER SILLY ROMANCE BOOK!!! ITS GOOD FOR THE SOUL!!

I actually went to Mexico today! It was to get a massage but not the relaxing kind lol I messed up my neck and leg somehow?? so I went to get it which I’m okay now lol but I did get to eat some food that I’ve been craving so it was a win lol. But other than that I don’t think I have any set plans! I dyed my hair and girl… it’s giving lava girl from that movie shark boy and lava girl 😀 Anyways lol Do you have any plans?

ALSO BESTIE I READ SUNFLOWER ANS LET ME SAY THAT WAS SO CUTE!! Okay im gonna try to keep it short bc I’ve yapped for too long! Okay he is SO ME WHEN LIKING SOMEONE LIKE I LITERALLY CANNOT LOOK AT THEM BAHAH I loved it though, it’s always so cute seeing a shy flustered Harry! A down bad shy guy! And you know I loved that little jealousrry moment give gave just the right amount of angst between them! And SAM DONT GET ME STARTED ON HER NUMBERS POEM! That was so beautifully written! I immediately thought that it was so YOU in the best way and I honestly loved the new perspective on how I view it! It’s was just perfect! Ahhh I would love to see how they turn out if you’re up for it! I loved it!!!! You did great as always my love!-💜

I was actually a Liam girl at the start! My serious line of thinking was "Harry's too popular I'll never have a chance 🤦‍♀️" and he was so cute. Liam also has the dad-vibe of the band and I'm the mom of the friend group so I figured we would be 🤞 But it lasted about two weeks because Harry is just too sweet and perfect. I still love Liam with all my heart. I def go through phases though! Anytime I see a picture of Louis I pretty much fall in love with him again. His voice and lyrics are CRIMINALLY underrated. Zayn is probably the most beautiful man I've ever seen and it lowkey feels illegal to look at him. But Harry and Niall are my main people these days. Old clips of them doing interviews together are hysterical. They're just so funny together. It was def Harry when 1D was active but my bf likes to make fun of me and say I have 5 celebrity crushes.

Free PDF versions is a move. That's how I read the first half of midnight sun when it was leaked 😂 I love a deal too! I def need to do more searching. But I love bookstores and I love holding the new book it's just so nice!

I too do not enjoy long commitment series/binging anymore either (See also: my addictive personality). It's SO much energy and time. I caught up on Grey's Anatomy a few summers ago (I feel like I've mentioned this before) it literally took THE ENTIRE summer. I had stopped watching when I went to college and then I didn't really have great access to cable all the time so I didn't keep up. Then another 8 seasons had come and gone 🤦‍♀️

No it makes so much sense! I heard that dynamic a lot in my education classes when I got my SEI endorsement--a lot of families have the primary language at home and then English in school. I'm truly astounded that you picked up things so quickly. I literally cannot imagine. We have a teacher at our school that works with students coming from other countries/language backgrounds when they arrive and he tells all of us and the students that if there is slang they don't understand he can ask him and it doesn't have to be awkward or uncomfortable and I think it's really nice but it's what came to mind when I read the cup of joe thing HAHAHAHAHA. You got me looking up the origin of why it's called that 😂 I totally just use the phrases I hear now. Especially from my younger students. They get a kick out of me saying "no cap," "period," and "deadass." (I use that one sparingly and usually only repeat it after one of them say it lollll) ALL TO SAY the slang in America is nuts.

I will let you know, I want to write for an hour or so I think and then maybe read for an hour.

JUST CASUALLY GO TO MEXICO OKAY. That's so cool! I've never really traveled anywhere--but to be fair I'm not very close to any other places. I still want to see a lot of places in the US tbh. So am I to presume you live pretty close to Mexico? Do you mean the massage messed up your neck and leg? I always say I want a massage but then someone pointed out it's almost like a workout for your muscles and they can genuinely be sore afterwards. LAVA GIRL I'M SCREAMING. Does that mean you like it? I think either way it's cool you did something different and fun! I also love that you got food that you were craving. We went out for my sisters bday to a Mexican bistro. One of my favorite places. Truthfully, idk how authentic it was but my bf liked it and he would be the first person to say that it was un-authentic.

No plans for the weekend. Just relaxing and catching up on a few things! I started rewatching a show I had stopped watching after season 2 (of 4 total) so I'm hoping to get through that in the next couple weeks!

SO glad you loved Sunflower! I enjoyed writing it a lot! I lowkey wish I took it a little further and made them kiss or something, but that's what Part 2's are for! 😭 You're so sweet about the numbers and everyone really loves a jealousrry moment it seems 😉 💕💕

xoxo

[backofthebookshelf]

105 Hill Top Road

Let’s start with a timeline (does a timeline make sense, given that the place is now officially a "rip in reality"? Who knows??):

1891 - purchased by Walter Fielding (earliest records the team could find) (allllllso this is about a year after Millbank Prison was demolished, so presumably around the time when the Magnus Institute is looking at moving to its current location) 1923 - house inherited by Alfred Fielding (I'm not gonna put money on whether Walter died or just changed his name because he got too old to be believable any more) 1957 - house inherited by Raymond Fielding (just a couple of years before this: Mary Keay has recently acquired the skin book; Wallace Turner recently gave his statement about the Risen War) "early sixties" (no firm date given: forty-odd years ago from 2005, at age fifteen having been born in the forties) - Ronald Sinclair moves into the halfway house run by Raymond Fielding; Fielding appears to be about thirty, which is 100% meaningless. Every Sunday they go to church (sure they do) and then have dinner in the basement around a table covered in twisting lines two and a half to three years later, mid-winter: Agnes arrives at the house, age ten or eleven eight to ten years later, early seventies: Raymond Fielding disappears

(1972, Rosa Meyer makes her statement about being watched. 1973, James Wright takes over as Head of the Institute.)

1974: five-year-old Henry White goes missing; the house burns with no signs of life. Only remains found were Raymond Fielding, a badly charred skeleton missing its right hand circa 1990: Something Happened to disrupt the ritual that the Lightless Flame blames on Gertrude (almost twenty years before Gertrude disrupts the Last Feast, which sure sounded like the first time she’d done it on purpose) 1991: Agnes Montague starts frequenting the Canyon Cafe

(1994, Jurgen Leitner’s library attacked and destroyed)

1996: Ivo Lensik's father dies of the Spiral after spending years obsessed with fractals

(’96 is also the year Elias Bouchard becomes Head of the Institute)

2001: Adelard Dekker traps the not!Them in the table of twisting lines 2005: Graham Folger has the table of twisting lines in his flat, says he bought it at a secondhand shop in Oxford "during his student days" (he's been attending colleges here and there since late 2001); it's missing the box in the center

(January 2006, Adelard Dekker finds evidence of the Extinction in the experience of a researcher in Garland Hillier’s flat)

autumn 2006: Jack Barnabas dates Agnes Montague mid-November 2006: Ivo Lensik is called in to assist on the construction of a new house at Hill Top Road; meets a young Raymond Fielding on the third night on the job, Fielding disappears with a smell of burning and a scorch mark on the floor November 23, 2006: Father Edwin Burroughs visits the house to do a blessing (attacked by fire, tells it "I am not for you. I am marked," (presumably by the Spiral) but it doesn't stop until); Ivo Lensik pulls down a tree in the yard: "very large and very dead" with "old, black scorch marks...curling up from the base of the tree." When he attacks it with a crowbar it bleeds; when he pulls it down he finds underneath a six inch square box belonging to the table of twisting lines; inside is a fresh green apple which explodes into spiders. Lensik smashes the box. Agnes goes on a date with Jack Barnabas. Just after dark she staggers in pain, makes an emergency phone call. "She said something about a tree falling, and that they had to finish something. Then she hung up. She leaned on my arm as we walked back to her flat. I'd never been there before, but it was clear she couldn't make it unassisted." Agnes Montague found hanged in her flat in Sheffield, with Fielding's hand tied to her waist, tissue decay indicating it died the same time she did. Since Lensik's statement was made [as of season one, late 2015], two families have lived in the house November 30, 2006: Eugene Vanderstock makes his statement (139)

(January 2007, Mikaele Salesa gives a statement as recompense for an accident with a Slaughter artifact he sold the Institute, though he thinks the employees should have known better) 

(sometime between July 2008 and early 2009, Mary Keay succeeds at her ritual with the skin book)

April 23, 2009: Anya Villette is hired for a cleaning job at a newly-constructed house at Hill Top Road. She sees a tree in the garden, "still bare from the winter" with eight branches that looked like they were reaching for her. She has a vision of standing under the tree and it grabbing for her. When she's finished with the rest of the house she goes into a basement that wasn't on the floor plans. In it she sees a foot-wide gap, and in it "those eight spindly arms reaching up to pull me in," and then she wakes up sitting in a chair in the house. When she gives her statement on April 22, 2009, she says that this was two weeks ago and she's never heard of the Magnus Institute before. 

(June 2009, Jason North runs afoul of the Desolation in Loch Glass, recognizes Gertrude from her picture there)

(October 2009, the Worker-in-Clay departs for Sannikov Land)

late spring 2016: Breekon & Hope deliver the table of twisting lines to the Magnus Institute (along with the web lighter) - Jon recognizes it from the statements, asks if there was a box with it February 16, 2017: Jon takes an axe to the table of twisting lines, releasing the not!Them

Supplemental details: Jon is very skeptical of Lensik's statement in 008 but acknowledges that there are some corroborating details (unusual for early S1 Jon) Martin discovered the statement of Anya Villette (114) and Jon says that Hill Top Road is "a thread that's been nagging at me for a while." They can find no evidence that Anya Villette exists. The house has no current owner [as of late season 3, July 2017]. Jon also says: "I've half a mind to just go down and have a look at it myself, but... I don't know. Ever since it first came up I've felt like it would be... just a very bad idea." Probably! They've been trying to identify an owner for the place for over a year and have made no progress.

[copperbadge]

How did you get started with investing? I've seen you talk about it before and I know that's something I need to do, but I feel so lost in terms of which companies to invest in and how much money I should put in. I have retirement accounts but nothing outside of that. And really, I feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL about this because I'm too embarrassed - I'm literally a CPA and do corporate taxes for a living but still find investing to be so intimidating 😞.

I mean, when people say "you should be investing" often, until you reach a certain wealth level, they are actually referring to your 401K. This is more general advice for the readers, but don't feel bad if you're not investing outside of retirement, especially if you're early in your career or if you're in a job where you don't have much disposable income. Don't feel bad in general, honestly, even if you haven't got a retirement fund at all; life is hard and money is necessary but stupid.

I only really started to invest invest in the last two years and even then I'm pretty conservative about it. On the plus, as a CPA, you will probably have a leg up in terms of knowing a lot of financial terms and kind of...understanding how money works in at least some sense.

I actually got started studying investing with my retirement fund. I was young and broke and mad that a chunk of my paycheck was going into my 401K when I could use that money NOW (see Sam Vimes Boots Theory for more on why ready cash now can often beat more cash later). I didn't know much about finance but I knew that a) I was basically being forced to play the financial markets with that money and b) the fate of our country's economy is tied to the stock market which is a mood ring hooked up to a roulette wheel. Being the Oldest Living Millennial I also understood I might not actually ever get to retire, so I decided to treat my retirement fund like Monopoly money: real but meaningless. And so I thought, well, let's Learn About Investing with it.

When you invest with a 401K or IRA usually you're not buying straight stocks; you're buying some conglomeration of investments bundled together as a fund (this is not a technical term, fund has a specific meaning in the technical sense, but it's easier to just use fund as a shorthand so I'm gonna). These can include stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and other more esoteric vehicles. So I started looking into the funds available to me -- there's the "retire in this year" fund that most people just dump all their money into, but there were also ways to invest in small businesses abroad, in health care or in funds that are "socially responsible", ways to buy into funds that did nothing but attempt to keep up with inflation, and on and on.

I didn't know any of that, of course -- I just saw something like "International Explorer Fund" and decided it sounded interesting and I'd learn what it was and what it did, and when I was satisfied that the reward was worth the risk, I'd dump some cash from my 2045-Retirement investment into it. While "past performance is no indication of future success" past performance isn't a bad way to at least pick something to research, and usually there's an earnings graph on the fund's prospectus page. I'd start reading prospectuses and looking up every word I didn't know or felt had a specific context I was missing (mostly on Investopedia, a GREAT resource). I'd take the term, add it to a vocabulary list, and rewrite "what is this and what does it do" in my own words. Eventually I internalized a lot of the terminology but I still check my notes once in a while.

There are financial literacy courses you can take, of course, and I don't think you should be AT ALL ashamed about trying to find a good one (lots of scams out there) or asking colleagues about them. "Hey, I'm not comfortable with my level of literacy about investment vehicles; do you know of any good educational material or class that would fill in the gaps?" is a good way to go about it. Very few people know jack shit about investing and my level of knowledge is just BARELY above jack shit, to be honest, so no shame, my friend. It is also totally fine to find a financial planner or investment advisor outside of your work and have a sit-down with them to get advice, which is what my parents do. Many banks offer that kind of service, so check with wherever you do your banking, and almost any retirement fund administrator (like Vanguard or American Funds) will be happy to send someone to meet with you and advise you. I was never prouder of my financial self-education than the one time I met with a guy from Vanguard who said, "Basically, keep doing what you're doing, this is a model portfolio."

Once I was investing in my retirement funds more confidently, I got the RobinHood app and started studying stocks, which is really just like, "find a stock and do a book report on it". Look at past earnings, who the CEO of the company is, what their board makeup is like, what they're doing in the news. And of course the most important advice: Never, ever invest money in the stock market that you aren't prepared to lose.

Aside from my stock adventures on RobinHood, which is about five hundred dollars that I turned into a thousand dollars over a couple of years, I have money in a few savings accounts. I don't have CDs or money market accounts or any of that, because I still don't have quite enough cash to make it worth it. I just parked some in a credit union that pays 6% interest on the first $1K you put in, and the rest in Betterment, which had a 2% interest rate when I started but now is down to .3% which is a bummer. But I haven't found another vehicle like Betterment which allows you equally easy access to your money while having as intuitive and modular an online interface.

So overall, aside from retirement (which is at $116K, which seems impressive until you remember you're supposed to retire with 25x your yearly salary in your 401K) I have a grand in the stock market, a grand in a 6%-interest savings account with a credit union, a grand in an emergency-only savings account attached to my checking, and roughly five grand with Betterment. It's a fairly conservative setup but I'd like never to be poor ever again, so I'm hedging carefully :D

Some great resources that I've used include:

Investopedia

Planet Money podcast by NPR and its sister podcast, The Indicator

The Financial page of the newspaper (I used to read NYT, now I read Tribune)

Rankandfiled.com, a free stock filings resource site that basically scrapes the SEC for financial data -- this is for if you really want to do a deep dive once you've got more experience

Good luck! It's a slog at first, but eventually it gets kinda fun :)

[rnelodyy]

c!Dream and the rules

(/dsmp /rp, all names refer to characters, not content creators)

I think one of the most striking parts of Exile is something that I rarely see talked about, and it’s Dream’s rules. Or rather, how his rules were made to be used as justification to hurt Tommy.

The thing about exile is that, outside of the initial rule of “Don’t go back to L’Manburg”, Dream never told Tommy the rules, yet constantly operated under the assumption that Tommy already knew them, and had accepted them. The rules also changed constantly, without Tommy ever being notified until he was already in trouble.

The second time Dream told Tommy to put his armor in the hole, he didn’t tell Tommy to do that right away. Instead, the conversation went like this (slightly edited to remove stammering and unrelated dialogue).

Dream: Do you have, uh… something you wanna put on the floor here? Tommy: Yes. (drops two pieces of red concrete as Dream digs a hole) Dre-eam! You’re evil. You’re evil. Dream: Anything else, Tommy? Tommy: Nope! Dream: Oh c’mon, I know there’s something else you wanna drop down here. Tommy: (panicking slightly) No, there… (messages BBH “take this and run”, throws him the disc BBH had gifted him earlier) Um… I don’t reckon there is! (pause) Dream: Okay, are you suuuure? Tommy: YES. Dream: Alright… How ‘bout your armor, Tommy? Tommy: Well, no, this is- I actually earned this myself. Dream: I know you did! Tommy: Leave me alone. Dream: Just drop it in the hole, Tommy. Tommy: Wh- no, NO, you can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit, what do you mean?! Dream: (sing-song) Tommy… Tommy: What? (Dream hits Tommy with his axe, taking over half his health) Tommy: (screams, drops his armor) OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY!

The only rule Tommy was aware of at this time was that he wasn’t allowed to go back to L’Manburg. Dream had taken his armor the night before, but there was no indication that he expected Tommy to do this constantly. Taking his armor upon initially arriving at Logstedshire made some kind of sense, allowing Tommy to keep it would run the risk of him trying to fight his way back into L’Manburg. Taking his new, very shitty armor (seriously it was an iron chestplate and a pair of golden leggings he got from a ruined portal chest) made no sense at all, so the fact that Tommy was confused and refused to cooperate at first isn’t unexpected in the slightest.

And the thing is… Dream was aware of this fact. Throughout the conversation, he never really sounded annoyed, and was actively teasing Tommy at times. This isn’t a good thing btw, it’s a sign that he was fully aware that Tommy didn’t know what he wanted from him, and that that would create a situation where Dream could “put him in his place” as it were.

If you’re a parent, and your kid does something that’s not allowed, without knowing it’s not allowed, you don’t start off with a beating. You sit them down, calmly explain the rules to them and explain why those rules are there, then send them on their way with the knowledge that they shouldn't do it again.

This interaction wasn’t an instance of Tommy acting out and Dream correcting him. This interaction was a trap. Dream set Tommy up to fail by not telling him the rules beforehand, and when Tommy offered even the slightest bit of resistance and asked why he needed to drop his armor, Dream jumped straight to beating him. It’s a powerplay, plain and simple.

This is demonstrated again with the destruction of Logstedshire. Dream got pissed that Tommy disobeyed him by having hidden chests with gear under his house, and retaliated by destroying everything Tommy had built, destroying every item he’d collected, killing his pet and only foodsource, barring him from the Nether, banning everyone except himself from visiting, and telling him to start over from scratch after a whole lecture about how Tommy betrayed him.

Again, I wanna point out some specific lines from this lecture that illustrate my point very well.

Dream: You were lying to me! You were lying to me. Tommy: No- Why was I lying?! Dream: What do you mean, why were you lying?! Tommy: I wasn’t hi- I wasn’t- Dream: You hid things in a chest knowing they were things I wouldn’t want you to have! And you hid it in a way that way I would never find it!

Except Tommy didn’t know that. The contents of the stash were all items that Tommy had obtained previously without any issue (diamonds, emeralds, iron, ender pearls, some pickaxes, and some purely sentimental items like flowers, a jukebox, and pictures of Tubbo and L’Manburg). In fact, the vast majority of them came from Tommy’s aboveground storage, which Dream had full access to, and had looked through before!

Dream also never said Tommy wasn’t allowed to hide stuff, and there was nothing to suggest he didn’t want Tommy to keep secrets from him.

There’s been a theory floating around for a while that Dream knew about Tommy’s item stash beforehand, since it was a very strange place to dig a hole (like, right in front of the house in the center of Logstedshire itself, instead of out in the plains where the TNT wouldn’t damage any structures), and Tommy had previously forgotten to cover up the entrance ladder. While Dream hadn’t looked inside the house, he would’ve definitely heard Tommy place the block back.

If this theory is correct, then this was yet another trap. Dream knew Tommy had a hidden room, and instead of just saying “hey, I don’t want you to have a hidden stash, go put this back and fill in the room” (which would’ve still been bullshit btw), he went COMPLETELY ballistic, destroyed EVERYTHING Tommy had, and while doing it, kept admonishing Tommy for betraying him, said shit like “I thought we were friends”, and even accused him of preparing to attack Dream. Again, a powerplay.

Hell, even the exile conflict itself is this! Tommy was exiled for griefing the king’s property while being a high-ranking official in L’Manburg. Except Fundy, the then-president’s son, CONSTANTLY griefed Eret’s shit after the L’Manburg war, ranging from ripping down one of their towers to “shrink” it, filling another tower with water, and multiple elaborate plots to steal the throne from under their nose. But apparently, between all of that shit and the exile-conflict, the rules were silently changed, meaning Dream could exile Tommy for breaking a couple blocks and placing some rude signs in George’s house. Even the punishment itself was changed without warning, as Tommy went from being exiled from L’Manburg to exiled from “everywhere that’s ever been touched.”

...I was originally gonna make a different point here. I may put it in the reblogs, because I still think it’s very interesting. But, in the middle of writing this essay I had to stop because it was late, then I spent the entire next day packing up because I’m in the middle of a move. It's now the next evening, I'm sat in my new room, on my camping bed, I opened this doc because I pretty much forgot what I typed, I reread it, and then I realized… This isn’t an isolated series of events. This is a pattern for Dream.

Before Tommy first joined the server, there were only three set rules: no stealing, no griefing, and no killing people. Except by that point, those rules weren’t enforced at all. In fact, Dream broke all three at once at one point, by killing George and burning his diamond armor because he didn’t feel it was fair that George got to run around in full diamond when everyone else still had iron.

Tommy joined the server, and broke the rules like everyone else. He stole shit, broke shit, killed George for funsies… and he got exiled for it. Seriously, they dumped him in an empty snowfield for breaking rules that nobody had enforced for weeks. So technically, the Exile-arc isn’t even the first time something like this has happened to him!

During the events that would eventually spark the Disc War, Sapnap stole a bunch of Tommy’s items (including the only Netherite chestplate on the server at the time), and told him he’d only give the stuff back if Tommy helped him with a conflict he had with Ponk. Long story short, Dream tried to intervene and was killed by Tommy and Sapnap, and Dream stole Tommy’s discs to force him to apologize. He then kept the discs, and the Disc War followed. Sapnap, despite being the aggressor and arguably forcing Tommy to participate in the conflict, was never punished.

This proves not only that the rules can change whenever Dream feels like it, but that they’re arbitrarily enforced. Dream refuses to punish his friends for the same crimes he endlessly fucks over Tommy for.

L’Manburg was created in part because of the fact that the rules were unevenly enforced. Tommy, Wilbur, and later Tubbo were repeatedly killed, stolen from, imprisoned, and even held hostage for very minor crimes, while the people killing, imprisoning, kidnapping and stealing from them were able to do so without impunity.

This was also the point where Dream just started making up new rules; there was no rule against having governments on the server, or making a separate area where Dream’s rules wouldn’t apply, so Dream banned governments, and used this new rule as an excuse to kill them, take their items, and tear their land to shreds.

And that’s another thing: the punishments for breaking Dream’s rules are INCREDIBLY harsh.

Kill him non-canonically one time? Your most prized possessions will now be dangled over your head and used to hurt you for the next few months.

Make a country with different laws that doesn’t infringe on anyone’s territory, has no desire to expand, is explicitly pacifistic and open to trade negotiations? You’ll be forced to fight a war you’re in no way equipped to fight, you’ll be betrayed and murdered and have your land destroyed in front of your very eyes until you literally have no choice but to surrender.

Mildly vandalize the king’s house, which nobody else has ever been punished for? You’ll be dragged into court, exiled from your home, and subjected to weeks of abuse until you believe that all of your friends hate you and you actively want to kill yourself.

Hide some stuff in a secret chest? Your only shelter will be exploded, your pet/only food source will be killed, all your items will be destroyed, you’ll be banned from the Nether, and none of your friends will be allowed to come see you.

This is all such disproportionate retribution it’s ridiculous. It’s like punishing someone for speeding by blowing up their car with a ballistic missile.

So to sum up: Dream’s rules are arbitrarily enforced, and he can just straight up make them up on the spot if he feels like it. Sometimes, he won’t tell you a rule exists until you’ve already broken it, and you’re treated as if you broke it out of malice instead of genuine ignorance. And if you do break a rule, and he decides you have to be punished, it will always be a punishment so harsh it doesn’t even ATTEMPT to fit the crime.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty fucking corrupt and tyrannical to me.

When people say Tommy deserved exile, or made Dream spiral into villainy, or abused Dream somehow (seriously I’ve seen this take multiple times and every time it makes my brain melt) by breaking the rules, I would invite them to take a step back and ask themselves, why did that rule exist? Did Tommy know it existed? Was it enforced for everyone other than him as well? Does the punishment fit the crime?

Dream has a bad habit of making up rules, or enforcing old ones that were never enforced before, to punish those who threaten his power. None of the Dream Team were ever punished for anything, despite committing the same crimes as the L’Manburgians. That is, until they founded Mexican L’Manburg (i.e. went against Dream’s rule), at which point they were attacked by Dream and George was dethroned for “not being neutral enough.”

Tommy should’ve faced consequences for what he did. But those consequences should’ve come naturally, and been carried out by the people he hurt. Like, if Dream hadn’t intervened, griefing George’s house would’ve resulted in George griefing Tommy back in revenge. In fact, he DID do that, by turning Tommy’s entire house into granite and putting the Jump In The Cadillac picture on his front lawn.

These are natural, proportionate consequences. Exile was none of that. The Disc War was none of that. Everything that happened to L’Manburg was none of that.

Dream’s rules and how he enforces them are inherently corrupt and tyrannical. To pretend it’s anything but is disingenuous at best.

[sattlersquarry]

Worse Than Ghosts [Part I] (Steve Harrington x Reader BFU AU)

READ THE PROLOGUE HERE. READ THE NEXT PART HERE.

Summary: The Spirit Search gang head to the Creel House for an initial safety check, and Y/N is confronted with her worst fear.

Word Count: ~1.4k

Warnings: Language, canon-typical Vecna shenanigans, fear of deep water/fear of drowning, drug mention.

A/N: I included 2 direct Buzzfeed Unsolved references in this one. See if you can spot them! I'll reveal the answers when I post the next part. :)

👻 👻 👻

The Creel House towered over the Spirit Search team, looking evil even in the early-morning light. Vines choked the house from top to bottom. Moldy boards smothered each window. The whole place sagged under the weight of its torrid history.  

“Well, that’s not creepy,” Steve quipped. 

Y/N shook off her nerves and charged toward the porch steps. The crew followed, looking apprehensive—except for Robin. Her eyes shone with excitement.

“It’s perfect!” Robin said. “We’re definitely going to find an FBA tonight.” 

“FBA?” Jonathan asked, struggling under the weight of his camera equipment. 

“Full-bodied apparition!” Robin said. “A full-fledged, head-to-toe ghost.”

“Full-bodied, you say?” Argyle said. He wiggled his eyebrows and mimed an hourglass shape with his hands. 

On the porch, Y/N flipped open the mailbox and pulled out a small green envelope.

“The guy who owns the property said he left a key for us,” she said. 

She tore the envelope open and dumped the key into her palm. A small note tumbled out alongside it:

“Dear ‘Spirit Search’ team,

Please enjoy your time at the Creel House. When you are done, clean up after yourselves and return the key to the mailbox. 

Sometimes, strange noises can be heard from the attic. I am sure your beloved fanbase would say these are ghosts. The exterminator has informed me these are actually squirrels. Be cautious—they scratch.

Sincerely,

Martin Brenner”

“Squirrels my ass,” Robin said, reading the note over Y/N’s shoulder. “Did you talk to this Brenner guy, ask if he wanted to be interviewed?”

“I did,” Y/N said. “He said he doesn’t have any stories to contribute. But he’s happy for the exposure—he wants to turn this place into an AirBNB or some shit. Apparently, some people stay in haunted places for fun, and not for YouTube shows.”

The front door, adorned with a dirty stained-glass window of a rose, did not look particularly inviting. However, Y/N unlocked and opened it. 

The door creaked on its hinges, the sound sending a shiver down her spine. The entryway of the house was as disheveled and rundown as the exterior. 

“Whoa,” Jonathan said. “Every place we visit is fucked up, but this…this is super fucked up.”

The five of them wandered around, soaking in the sight of cobwebs and mildew.

“I feel like I’m gonna hurl,” Argyle said, green in the face. “What the hell is that stink, yo? It schmacked me right in the nostrils as soon as we walked in!” 

“Mold?” Steve said. “Rot?” 

“Ghost ectoplasm?” Robin offered.

Steve and Robin started to bicker back and forth about the utter ridiculousness of her theory. 

“Save it for the cameras!” Jonathan said. “Don’t waste all the good banter when we’re not rolling. Right, Y/N?”

The girl in question didn’t respond. She strained to listen to the upstairs of the house, swearing she heard…running water?

“Y/N?” Jonathan repeated. 

Y/N chalked the phantom sound up to anxiety.

“Right,” she said. “Be careful, everyone. Watch your step and don’t touch anything sharp or suspicious. I sincerely hope you’re all caught up on tetanus shots. Robin, Argyle, you survey the first floor. Steve and Jonathan, you check the second. I’ll head up to the attic, squirrels be damned. Use the red tape to block off any place seemingly dangerous, and look for good spots to set up infrared cameras.” 

“Cold spots!” Robin added. “Use the tech I got you all for Christmas to find cold spots. That means spirit activity, and that’s where the cameras should go.” 

The group promised they would use the devices—except for Argyle, who sheepishly admitted to turning his into a bong—and went their separate ways.

Up in the attic, Y/N affixed red tape around the cracked window, imaging a horrible scenario where a stoned Argyle tumbled out of it. 

Then, she heard it. A voice so chilling it could cut through skin, muscle, and sinew.

“Y/N…”

She dropped the tape in shock and whirled around.

She stood alone in the attic. 

“Hello?” she called, voice wavering.

“Hello, Y/N.”

“If this is some kind of joke, Steve,” Y/N said, louder, “I’m not fucking laughing. Cut it out.” 

“Poor, poor Y/N. So scared. So alone.”

“If you don’t stop it this instant,” Y/N snapped, “I’m firing you and making it Robin’s show!” 

She stormed down the attic steps and yanked on the doorknob.

The door didn’t move an inch. 

She pulled harder. 

Nothing. 

“This isn’t funny!” Y/N said, anger making way for fear. She pounded on the door with her first. “Open up!” 

A haunting reverberation echoed through the air. Y/N climbed the stairs once more and almost fainted on the spot when she saw a chiming grandfather clock standing proud in the middle of the attic. 

A grandfather clock that had not been there ten seconds before. 

The glass clock face split into multiple pieces. Y/N stepped closer and could hear the running water from before. 

The horrible voice seemed to be coming from the clock itself: “Do you remember that day at the beach, Y/N? It started out so tranquil.”

Y/N let out a stifled scream when the clock face exploded. Saltwater poured out from it, impossibly fast. Y/N tripped back down the stairs, the water flowing alongside and rising, rising, rising. 

“Your mother told you to stay on shore. But you were foolish and did not listen.”

Y/N screamed for help and pulled harder on the door. Tears poured down her cheeks as the rushing water got past her calves, her knees, her thighs, her hips—

“To this day, you cannot even swim in a swimming pool without remembering that day at the beach. That riptide. Do not fear, Y/N. Your suffering is almost at an end.” 

Y/N pounded her shoulder against the door as the water got up to her neck—

—and she blinked, and she was standing in the middle of the attic, no water or grandfather clocks in sight. 

She stumbled backward, gasping for air and clutching her chest. What the hell just happened?!

She roughly wiped her tears away and practically flew down the steps, relieved when the door opened with no trouble. 

Y/N zipped onto the second floor landing, heart racing. She accidentally collided with Steve, as he exited one of the bedrooms. 

“Whoa!” he said. He grabbed her shoulders to steady her. “Slow down, Speed Racer!” 

“Did you hear any of that?” Y/N said, breathless. 

“Any of what?” he said, tilting his head in that confused, painfully adorable way he did anytime Robin threw out supernatural terms or theories he didn’t know. 

“The-the—” Y/N stammered. She wanted to explain what just happened, but how could she if she didn’t understand it? 

A look of concern blossomed across Steve’s features. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. “You look a little nauseous.” 

“I’m okay,” Y/N said. “I’m okay. I…shit. Maybe ghosts are real.”

“Don’t tell me Robin and Argyle brought you to the dark side,” he teased.

Y/N, too freaked out to joke around with him, mumbled out, “Interviews. Gotta prepare for interviews.” 

She bolted to the first floor and headed back to the outside world. Steve watched her go, brow furrowed. 

Jonathan exited the upstairs bathroom.

“There are jars upon jars of dead spiders in there,” he said, jabbing his thumb in the direction he came. “We’re taping that up.”

“Good call,” Steve said. “Hey, not trying to be funny, but Y/N just came down from the attic and looked like she…well…”

“Like she saw a ghost?” Jonathan finished, as he taped-up the bathroom door with a big red X.

“Yeah, exactly! She looked more scared than I’ve ever seen her. Even more scared when we were at that abandoned Blockbuster Video in Fresno, and that homeless guy hiding in the store tried to stab her with a heroin needle.” 

“That was terrifying,” Jonathan said. “I’m sure she’s just jittery. This house is scary and gross. And she went up to the attic all by herself, which in hindsight, wasn’t a smart move.” 

“We really need to be a six-person team,” Steve said, “so everyone has a buddy.”

“Let me guess,” Jonathan said, with a sly smile. “You always want to be Y/N’s buddy, right?” 

Steve’s cheeks flushed pink. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Byers,” he muttered.

“Mm-hm. Sure.” 

They heard a whistle from downstairs. 

“Time to go!” Y/N said, poking her head in the front door (but keeping her body firmly planted outside). “We need to head to the library for our interview with Nancy.”

👻 👻 👻

Tags: @thehauntingof-nancywheeler @mxltifxnd0m

A/N: Let me know if you want to be tagged in this series!

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Continuing my dissertation on why Supernatural is about Destiel even when Cas is not in the episode, and here is my analysis of 11x18 - The Chitters.

I initially had this episode on a “never watching again” because the monster grossed me out so much, but then I realized that the writers were giving us a literal Dean/Cas as husbands mirror story by doing this

and hiding it in an episode with the most grotesque MOTW imaginable (seriously, name a worse monster than underground creatures who impregnate humans with their eggs via orgy and leave them in a damn cave; oh and cause them to shake, chitter, and have glowy green eyes.  BRB, puking).

A little trickster moment in the beginning starting this episode with two brothers, and the eldest - Matt - dying in a *shocker* supernatural way, and the youngest - Jesse - then going on to dedicate his life to avenging his brother’s death.  A lot of reviewers consider this intro to mean we are supposed to be looking for Sam/Dean parallels in the following narrative bEcAusE tHAt is WhAT thE boYS wOuLD dO, but I POSIT TO YOU IT IS NOT ONLY A 10000000 percent DESTIEL STORY, BUT ALSO THAT this is established in the very first scene - the conversation between Jesse and Matt in the flashback:

JESSE

It finally happened.

MATT

What? You didn’t get detention this week?

JESSE

Me and Jackie, we kissed.

MATT:

Okay, can I stop hearing about him every two minutes now? “You think he likes me?”, “Jackie looked at me. I-I think he looked at me.”

JESSE

He definitely likes me.

***I mean Matt’s comment -  does this not immediately remind you of Sam “I am in constant Destiel super hell” Winchester?

For reference, here is Sam’s “I am in super hell please stop now” face:

**Also he LOOKED AT HIM?! What is 80% of Destiel if not subtextual pining and LOOKING.  I don’t make the rules.  Jesse is Dean.  And Matt is dead.  Matt’s death ENDS the “brother portion” of this story insofar as the parallel is concerned. (**please note I am not advocating for Sam to die.  the parallel is just NOT about the brother storyline in this episode - there are plenty of other “mirrors” for the brother storyline, but this is NOT one of them).

We cut to the real Dean continuing in FULL RESEARCH MODE ACTIVATED because Amara has Cas at this point and he is panicking.  

Was the red and black flannel an intentional wardrobe choice to mirror Jesse’s jacket?  We will never know. (Yes.  Everything is intentional.  This is Supernatural. We hate it here. Also Cesar is in a KHAKI vest because KHAKI means THINGS in Supernatural for REASONS). 

Also I love FULL RESEARCH MODE ACTIVATED desperately trying to get Cas back Dean.  It’s real “I just started studying for my final the night before at 10 p.m.” energy.  He’s refusing to stop to even look at Sam here:

Anyway, a few gross scenes of green eyed people, orgies, and a hilarious conversation about weed (or was it oregano?- 

Jensen Ackles you slay me) later -

Jesse and Cesar save Dean’s bacon and the four of them end up in a bar chatting over beers.  Here is where it is INCREDIBLY apparent that Jesse is a mirror for Dean (also I’d watch a bottle episode of these four hanging out doing regular every day stuff a la How I Met Your Mother or Friends).  

JESSE

One of them took my brother 27 years ago.

[Sam and Dean look surprised. Sam turns to Dean, and Dean is speechless.

DEAN

[looks to Jesse] I’m sorry to hear that.

JESSE

I’ve been waiting years to come back and have this shot at them. So, I hope you understand, I’m gonna ask you two to take a step back from this one.

DEAN

[nods] Well, catch us up. Where have you guys been?

JESSE

In the woods, where the action is, looking for their burrow and saving your ass.

[Sam is slightly taken aback, but he gives a look of approval. Cesar scoffs.]

JESSE

What?

CESAR

Well, one of the reasons we’ve been holed up in the trees is because Jesse hates the town and everyone in it.

JESSE

Because they’re ignorant and useless. [turns to Cesar] They didn’t believe me 27 years ago, they’re not gonna start now.

CESAR

[sternly] It’s boneheaded not to be following leads in town.

JESSE

Hey, nobody stopping you from talking to the whole box of crackers.

[Cesar sighs and looks away.]

***You could replace “Jesse” with “Dean” and the lines wouldn’t need to change an iota to stay in the character.  Cesar’s scoffing, the stern response, calling Jesse boneheaded, sighing, looking away exasperatedly - 100% Cas energy.  I really don’t make the rules. Cesar isn’t anything like Sam, and he isn’t meant to be.  This is not a brother story.  THIS IS A STORY ABOUT TRUE LOVE DAMMIT.

Dean makes that red herring comment about them bickering just like brothers , then:

Which by the way is EXACTLY how Dean and Cas bicker.  Hence why Sam is always in super hell.  

I can’t find a better quality image of this montage, but I really wanted to bring attention to the EXPRESSION on Dean’s face:

***Sure, Dean. You’re curious about what it’s like to live with a hunter.  Okay. 

Also, whoever made this, you get it.

They start arguing on the next step - questioning a former sheriff, or going back to the woods to search for the creepy crawlies’ hidey hole.

JESSE

[sternly] We need to find the burrow.

CESAR

[patiently] Jess, we’ve been beating around the woods for two days.

JESSE

[stubbornly] That’s where they are. You saw the tracks.

CESAR

I can keep searching on my own. We’re losing.

****sternly-patiently-stubbornly <- it’s like a never-ending Destiel refrain.  Cesar’s willingness to continue on what is purely Jesse’s quest for revenge so Jesse can move on is also so very Cas-adjacent.  I LOVE A SUBTEXTUAL PARALLEL.

Anyway, then they split into twos, pairing Sam with Jesse and Cesar with Dean for the next few scenes.  Lots of reviewers tracked this as a brother-brother (i.e. Sam is paired with the version of himself and Dean is paired with the version of himself) parallel, but THIS scene with Sam, Jesse, and the old sheriff SCREAMS otherwise:

JESSE

[angrily pushed Cochran down the chair] You son of a bitch.

[Sam moves forward to get Jesse back.]

JESSE

You knew the whole time! You knew where they were when everybody was suffering.

COCHRAN

[pushes Jesse off him] I was suffering too!

SAM

[pulls Jesse away from Cochran and tries to calm him down] Jesse. Hey, hey. Hold on. Hold on.

***EXCUSE ME, did he just say DEAN’S CATCHPHRASE.  And how many times has Sam done this exact thing to Dean when he is in a rage?!?   I DO NOT MAKE THE RULES.  

ALSO something about THE JUXTAPOSITION of Cesar and Jesse in the following scene.  This is very Dean with Cas quietly waiting for him to me.

A lot of creepy monster montage scenes and dead bodies later, the day is saved.  Cue adorable husband exchange, and the news that Jesse and Cesar are going to retire.  

SAM

So, uh, what’s freedom look like?

JESSE

Nice little spread in New Mexico. We’ve been paying on it for years. Set foot on it about … twice?

CESAR

Gonna raise horses. And if that goes bust, Jesse used to be an EMT.

JESSE

Oh, so now I’m supporting your ass?

[Cesar chuckles and looks at Jesse lovingly, before both men turns to the Winchesters. Sam follows the laugh.]

CESAR

 It’s time to start living.

Also this SHOULDER touch.  And it’s the left shoulder.  (there is a great Casifer post out there about how Dean was thrown off specifically because Casifer touched his RIGHT shoulder, and Cas always touches his LEFT).  

All I really need now is a FACE CUP, tbh.  

You want more parallels?  Recall that CESAR (aka Cas-adjacent) is the one who saves Dean’s bacon in the beginning.  

Then he helps him get up off the ground. You know, as in he RAISES him from -

(JENSEN YOUR ACTING CHOICES WITH THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE ILYSM)

Dean, realizing that he is watching an AU version of himself and his boyfriend/future husband:

Yes, hi, we are the same character.

Anyway, I will always and forever love this episode for showing us the ending Dean and Cas deserved (WHAT WAS THE REASONNNN) - settling down on a small ranch together in New Mexico.  At least these two got their happily ever after.

ALSO, MANIFESTING

Maybe then Sam can finally leave super hell.

BONUS:  

Sam: Couldn’t do it, huh?

Dean: [shakes head] No, didn’t feel right.

Sam: Yeah. I know what you mean. Two hunters who make it to the finish line?

Dean: Yeah, you leave that alone.

Saving this to my box of INCONSISTENCY TRASH DUMP FOR 15x20.

P.S. I am starting to develop a theory that the episodes we all like LEAST, and therefore tend to skip [or that have off putting plotlines/ don’t go with the general myth arc/creepy monsters/bizarre or even boring scenarios] are the ones with potentially the most subtext, and therefore the best underlying story line (so likely no Cas in the episode, random stuff like Red Meat, the creepy chitters monster that makes you want to cringe). 

So at the end of the day, the subtext was always the real story anyway.

(OMG I JUST REMEMBERED THAT THE GIRL WEREWOLF IN BLOODLINES WEARS A FUCKING KHAKI TRENCH COAT THE ENTIRE TIME.  AM I GOING TO HAVE TO REWATCH THE ALWAYS SKIPPABLE BLOODLINES NOW?  And that definitely means I am DOOMED to rewatch the worst episode that ever was when I get to season 15.  Dammit.  What have I done?!?!??!?!)

[palidoozy-art]

The more I think about your recent post about the changes you made to Strahd, the more I wonder about those changes you made to the others mentioned (Rahadin, Van Richten, Ireena, etc). I'd absolutely love to hear what adjustments you made as you already shared some stellar ideas already. Like the Tome? -Chef kiss- Amazing.

Oh mannn I do love talking about my campaign. I changed a lot with them. Again, weirdly enough, I think Strahd wound up being the most like his original incarnation. I could talk forever about the changes I made so I'll try to be brief haha. IT STILL WON'T BE BRIEF.

Obvious CoS spoilers below

IREENA - I thought it was weird that the picture they gave her makes her look like such a badass, and then the module just kind of writes her as a damsel in distress to either get kidnapped or pulled into water or dumped somewhere. To me, she's like, the second most important character in CoS -- and the book literally gives you less direction to roleplay her than her brother. Furthermore, reading her ending actually legit made me mad.

So I said fuck all that. Ireena in my game was a 19-year old girl who grew and developed over the course of the campaign. Several of my players actually said they thought of her as "the main character," just because she experienced a lot of character growth and development, going from a sheltered meek teenager to someone who can fight and assert herself. The biggest change I made to her though was that I very specifically did not just want her to be "Tatyana with memory loss." Ireena is a unique individual who happens to be partially made out of Tatyana's soul. While she shares many similarities with Tatyana, they're separate people, and part of what Ireena has to grapple with is how to live up to that. She's in the post-campaign because of that distinction -- while Sergei offered her to join him, she declined, because she wants to experience life past her twenties. I didn't get to play it out because we were kind of rushing towards the end, but I honestly envisioned a scene where she talks to the portrait of Tatyana, apologizing to her because she knows she's being selfish remaining alive.

This also brings up a unique problem in the post campaign. If Ireena dies, she ceases to exist and may not be able to be resurrected. When her soul leaves her body, it's Tatyana's again. Ireena very much wants to live. Tatyana doesn't. A resurrection has to be made with the consent of the soul, and if Tatyana declines, Ireena's just... gone. Forever.

Related: because I wasn't sure what my players would ask, and Rahadin would absolutely know this information -- there have been 18 incarnations of Tatyana, including the original. I actually have a timeline of when they were all born and how they died. The curse manifests in that they always die or are killed before their 25th birthday. If Strahd attempts to marry them, they lose their minds and throw themselves off of the same balcony the original Tatyana jumped off of during the ceremony. Strahd can never have Tatyana. Vampyr will ensure of that.

But yeah, essentially: Ireena gained actual class levels; she wasn't just Tatyana with memory loss; she traveled with the party for 90% of the campaign and wasn't just a macguffin to be kidnapped/take to places; and I removed any of the "Sergei takes her into water/the sky and you never see her again" endings because I absolutely hated those.

VAN RICHTEN - Van Richten I tweaked a lot from his original incarnation. First, I started him off as Lawful Neutral. No, game, I know you tell me he's Lawful Good, but I'm gonna have to disagree with you that "training a racist tiger to genocide an ethnic camp" falls under the spectrum of Lawful Good. Second, I changed him from cleric to artificer (alchemist). I somehow just got the impression the dude was a godless man, and so he felt more fitting to be a man of science rather than a man of the church. Third, since I wasn't sure the other dread domains were ever going to be brought into 5e I moved him out of Darkon and into another world from the outside.

His backstory was also tied more into Strahd and the campaign in general, as well as the Dark Powers. About 30 years ago, he went into the mists with his own adventuring party (that included Escher) to try to rescue his kidnapped son, Erasmus. He found his son half-turned and begging him for death. Killing him, Van Richten hunted down the Vistani woman (Ezmerelda's mother) who sold the man, and in a rage strangled her to death. This gave him a curse. Ezmerelda witnessed it happen.

He went on a warpath against vampire spawn and vistani alike, until Strahd proposed a deal to Escher. Escher lured the group to a familiar dinner date with Strahd... only for Strahd to murder all of them, including Van Richten. Van Richten was approached by a dark power -- Vaund the Evasive, and given the option to return to life in exchange for the promise that Van Richten would eventually return to Amber Temple and free him. He took it, waking up outside of Barovia. From there he became famed vampire-hunter-book-author, until in his early 50's he decided it was time to seek vengeance and fulfill his promise. He brought in his hat of disguise, came up with an alibi, and headed into Barovia as Rictavio the Great.

He was absolutely played as a much more morally grey character at the start (the party's first encounter with him rather than Rictavio was him literally torturing a dude). He softened over the course of the campaign as he grew attached to the party, until finally reaching a point in the post-campaign where he's considered Lawful Good

Also: Ezmerelda was treated more or less as his adoptive daughter. She absolutely argued against this every single time, but he even slipped up and referred to her as his daughter on a few tense occasions.

RAHADIN - Rahadin I adjusted a lot, too. A LOOOOOOT. Strahd being comically evil makes sense -- the dude is a darklord, that kind of comes with the territory. With Rahadin, I wanted him to have more motivations to his actions, because the base game actually suggests that the dude is actually capable of caring. In the base game, you can find him at Amber Temple, trying to "petition the dark god into releasing his master from his torment." He screams in grief if he finds Strahd dead. Furthermore it felt like the game glosses over the fact that the dude was adopted as Barov's son. It doesn't bother addressing how Rahadin felt about Sergei, who would in theory be his other brother. I thought a number of things suggested in his backstory were interesting, but not expanded upon in the base game. So I took it upon myself to do so.

I changed how dusk elf society was built, which affected the three major dusk elf characters. It worked off of a pretty brutal caste system, with three kings at the top overseeing all of it. Rahadin was born in a lower caste, but actually brought into the warrior caste after a member of royalty was intrigued by his stature. Rahadin worked as a general, but grew frustrated by the inefficiencies of the caste system and its inequality. He started attempting to use his influence to petition other members of nobility into changing or loosening the strict system.

Patrina caught wind of this, and viewing it as a threat to her lifestyle + viewing it as an easy way to gain brownie points with those above her... tattled on him to the three kings, spinning what he was doing as treason. Rahadin was arrested and subsequently tortured. They attempted to execute him on a breaking wheel, breaking his bones against the spokes and leaving him in the town square as an example. He wound up escaping, crawling his way out of town until he was subsequently rescued by a group of human monks. The event pretty much broke him, morally. He went to Barov soon after and sold his people out, taking a personal hand in helping annihilate the dusk elves and conquering their land. Barov was so impressed by the man's loyalty that he adopted him as his son.

Part of this was done to make a connection as to why the hell Rahadin just absolutely fuckin' hates Patrina so much (since that definitely got played up during the campaign). When thinking of Rahadin's motivations, I tried to come at it from the angle that this man was evil... but legitimately cared deeply about Strahd, Sergei, and Tatyana. He was devestated from the events of the wedding, but saw Strahd's return as a second chance. As the lone surviving witness from the wedding, he desperately wanted to help the three of them. But his own blind loyalty to Strahd and his broken moral compass prevented him from doing so.

One of my favorite little additions was a sidequest I offered to the players (they wanted to redeem Rahadin). They were requested by him to retrieve (well, "not destroy or sell") one of his most precious belongings in his office. When they get there... it turns out it's a birthday card and a worn-out old amulet from Sergei and Tatyana that he's kept after all these years. They got Ireena to read the letter to him, to help him keep going after Strahd's death.

anyway i could ramble on about changes forever but i don't want this post to get too long haha. i have. many feelings. over this campaign. maybe at some point I'll do a separate post with some of the others.

i also kinda wanna do a comic of an event from Rahadin's backstory for my players but we'll see, I might deem it "too stupid."

[kaminohana]

the meme man full analysis

Yeehaw here we go. Analysis of Mikoto Kayano’s video and song, along with some theories about the many themes and symbols in the video. Note: If there’s any other supplemental material for him out there, I haven’t read it. This is just an analysis with the music video we were given. If I happen to miss stuff that was mentioned before, I may talk about it in another post lmao

I was SUPER invested in this video as I watched it and soon realized “Oh shit, I think Mikoto’s plural”. Cuz, you know, I’m plural too (not disclosing what kind) and it felt SO good to see some actual parallels to stuff I go through- though of course not to Mikoto’s degree.

That said, I feel I should make a disclaimer in passing: yes, portraying your only plural character as homicidal ain’t the best representation. But, you know, we’ve seen other cases like that in Milgram so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Personally, I’m not that offended because the execution is SO top-notch. Though, hey, I totally understand how this can be very frustrating to other systems to see plurality depicted in such an unhealthy light- if it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

Keep in mind the point of the Milgram series is to make you uncomfortable in so quickly incriminating someone; if you’re hesitating to determine someone as guilty, hey, that’s probably intended and good! It’s about personal decision, so I’m not going to judge you one way or the other in voting. I just find it fascinating how these videos can put us in such conflict. This is all just my own perspective, BTW, so if you disagree with some of these points, good! I’m just hoping to share my thoughts since I can make a lot of connections. I’m by no means an expert in plurality or tarot, I just have some background in both and decided to try my hand at this analysis, so I really don’t the final say on what’s going on in the video.

Now, onto the actual video analysis.

I’m sticking with the basic idea that Mikoto is split into two parts; his more loveable, gentler side, which I referred to in another post as Softboy Mikoto, and the more violent side which may be acting as a catharsis to his frustrations. I referred to this side previously as the Devil alter, as he is depicted with the Devil major arcana tarot card. I can see how this could be taken badly, so for now I’m just going to refer to him as the shadow alter. There are many themes of duality in the video, most commonly with the symbol of the half moon which appears so many times. Shadow of the moon etc etc. I’ll be bringing this up several times as I analyze the lyrics. I’ll be breaking down the lyrics as evidence to support the idea that Mikoto is plural, and to show how softboy Mikoto (and shadow alter Mikoto) view this particular relationship and how this culminates in murder. Sometimes I refer to Mikoto (as a whole), softboy Mikoto, or shadow alter Mikoto depending on what I’m trying to describe in the below.

First piece: the title. MeMe. Me x2. A dead giveaway, like Umbilical. Also, it can be a meme, which is interesting taking the definition of the word meme in this context: “an element of a culture or system of behavior passed from one individual to another by imitation or other nongenetic means” (Oxford Dictionaries).  HMMMM. I know memes are generally within the context of a community, but I think it’s interesting to actually apply this to Mikoto. What exactly is being passed on? Could we argue that Mikoto’s frustrations from one of his parts is being passed on to the other? Interesting to think about, though it may not be relevant.

Going into the lyrics:

So from here I’m guessing there was a point in Mikoto’s life where his plurality was not an issue; or, potentially, there was a time before his split. These were the good times.

Playing dead vs. being alive – representing duality. May refer to how, when one side has their way, the other is locked away in the headspace with no control, thus feeling like being dead. In the context of “if only”, perhaps he’s wishing that he just didn’t do anything if only to prevent things from getting this far.

“If” I could end- I believe Mikoto (particularly softboy Mikoto) is saying “Hey, I have no control over my other side. If I did, would things still be the same? Would I still be ‘letting’ this happen?”

“Keep it” and “hide it away” I feel like are both representative of his shadow alter and of the desires that alter represents. Many words related to destruction are tied to this alter, so it could be seen as Mikoto trying to hide those urges as well.

“’I’ will save ‘me’”- this is a very interesting line that I think very well encapsulates the shadow alter’s initial motives; he’s saying “hey, I’m going to take care of us,” I believe to try and convince softboy Mikoto to let him out. As far as if softboy Mikoto can actually “let” him out is TOTALLY up for debate.

Part of the reason I refer to the other alter as softboy Mikoto is because there are softer words I notice used by him in the song; here’s I’m seeing “snuggle”, so I think this side of him is more vulnerable and soft.

SWITCH, shake up that brain- wow couldn’t be any more obvious here

This is where the chorus starts. This I think is from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, PARTICULARLY when he’s trapped in the headspace. There are many forms of plurality IRL in which alters cannot simultaneously front, so one or more are “pushed” back into the headspace. This very act occurs several times throughout the song in the weird minimalist vaporwave shadow realm room, where the tarot cards are. During this time, we can assume that is when the shadow alter is fronting. Softboy Mikoto slowly starts to become more helpless and fearful in this space as the song goes on, and this is where he makes his celtic cross tarot spread that quite frankly defines the whole song. I discussed that in my other post.

Another facet of plurality that is applied here is amnesia, which is common, especially when alters are pushed back to the headspace. Within the headspace, there may be a lack of awareness to the outside world, which Mikoto seems to express in his confused sentiments like the above (in the video, he is also scratching his head, which as a gesture can represent being confused). “Why am I here?” can act as a double entendre, both referring to “Why have I suddenly been pushed to this headspace?” as well as the whole point of Milgram- “Why am I in prison?”. He may not be aware of exactly what he did, hence why he feels it’s a mistake. He may be experiencing amnesia of what his shadow alter is doing, so he doesn’t even know what crime he committed. However, he at least has enough awareness to tell someone else is present in his body doing things, so he begs the viewer “Hey, just watch whatever my body is doing and it’ll all eventually make sense. I don’t have access to this information, but you do.” I thought this was an interesting fourth wall break.

The truth revealing itself could also be the truth coming to light from the particular tarot reading he does in the headspace; note that the cards only seem to be appear in this place and not in the outside world. So softboy Mikoto is trying to figure out what’s going on this way. If he can’t figure it out himself, maybe the cards can give him some direction.

Another duality- “I won’t forgive you if you reveal the truth” vs. “However I know I’m right when I say I’m innocent”. Or he could be right about something else.

I’m wondering if the breaking here is just reflecting the shadow alter or is softboy Mikoto actually wishing he could end the shadow alter. He at least wants things to change; the way things are right now is not something he’s okay with. Though, it sounds like he isn’t getting help with this and has no idea if he can even arrest full control again. It seems at this point, this has been going on for a while so he’s stopped trying.

In the video, the shadow alter is doing a GREAT job hiding the evidence; while of course probably just trying to not get caught, the shadow alter may also be trying to hide his crime from softboy Mikoto so he’s none the wiser.

He’s hoping he can be rid of the shadow alter side, but I think he also is dumping all his difficult feelings onto the shadow alter. Maybe he feels its some sort of release, even if he can’t control it, so he feels a lot of guilt over the shadow alter’s existence, even though that alter is serving a purpose as a conduit for those emotions.

I really really think though that there IS some connection between softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto. Maybe they are both truly aware of each other, hence the scene where they are viewing each other through the mirror. I think here, softboy Mikoto might be admitting that it feels good to let the shadow alter out, like a hug. The “minus energy” probably refers to the shadow alter.

“Maybe it’s okay that we’re separated like this?” he wonders. There seems to be a sense of feeling alive at least that is conveyed through the shadow alter.

SPLIT IN HALF- yeah, again, pretty encompassing.

In the video, I think this is when we have a switch, as Mikoto’s expression changes in the outside world mirror.

The chorus again, softboy Mikoto is shoved into the vaporwave shadow realm headspace. He’s asking the audience to investigate him here, but I also like to joke that he’s like “uwu look at me I could never harm anybody, pwease let me out”, which may be true only so far as softboy Mikoto is out.

I wonder if in “I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me” is directed at the shadow alter instead of the audience? Like softboy Mikoto is saying “I swear to god if you murdered someone im gonna be so pissed, but I also already kinda know it’s happening.” Just another take.

In the video, softboy Mikoto is THROWN into the headspace, where he is gifted with just one hint of what’s going on: The Devil tarot card.

You DARE accuse Miette of murder? Oh! 1000 years jail for Milgram viewer!

Now the vaporwave space starts to turn into a bloody mess; perhaps now softboy Mikoto is starting to put two and two together.

“Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it”- I definitely understand this being plural, like if your alters are causing problems, you may try and chastise them, or you may try and lock them away deep inside, but that often doesn’t stop them from existing. It’s really cool how that idea is present here. Like YES that’s how it is quite often. So even if softboy Mikoto TRIES to smother or accuse his shadow alter, that’s not going to change anything.

It being the same anywhere he goes makes me think he’s been putting up with this for a long time, that it’s not about what environment he’s in because his shadow alter is with him everywhere he goes.

“It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong”- may be referring to multiple things:

-the shadow alter having a different morality (hence why murder is okay for him, his indulgence in smokes and…redbull/alcohol, etc)

-OR, how softboy Mikoto’s amnesia isn’t letting him understand the full picture so everything is okay when he’s out fronting (shadow alter cleaned the place up and stuff, perhaps hiding all evidence of murder)

-“I’m already the fake one”- a very common sentiment for plural folks, worrying if you as an alter aren’t “the original” or if you’re not actually split and it’s something you’re making up, etc. I think softboy Mikoto is having these feelings. Poor boy, wish we could get you some therapy instead :/ (all of Milgram would be very different if only most of these people could get therapy, let’s be honest)

Now, what’s special here is that BOTH alters are in the headpace, with shadow alter Mikoto looming ominously behind softboy Mikoto.

During this next instrumental, just a side note: we see what’s going on through security footage. The security cameras reflecting a third person perspective is kind of neat in context of pluralism, where someone else fronting can feel like a third person awareness to another alter. I may be thinking too much into this one, but it’s a fun connection.

Another thing many plural folk go through: DISSOCIATION FROM REALITY. Ah yes, my good friend dissociation. Especially like in Mikoto’s case, where the consequences of being split have drastic consequences, he could be running away from the truth which may always be partially concealed to him. Something’s VERY wrong, he knows this for sure, and it may be at this point he really realizes “Oh shit. I just committed murder.” But instead of taking responsibility in any way, he’s trying to imagine that it’s a fabricated reality. I’m not going to say if this makes him bad or not, but it is a known coping mechanism.

I know I mention that the bad habits of smoking and drinking may be the shadow alters habits, but they could also be softboy Mikoto’s own methods of escapism, which definitely fits with the above lyrics. “I need to wake up soon”- but he still realizes that he’s going to have to face the harsh truth of reality soon.

Now this point indicates a marked change in softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto’s relationship: I believe there may be a time when softboy Mikoto expects to come back out to the front, but now the shadow alter is starting to take over fully and keep softboy Mikoto locked inside. This is supported by the Outcome card in his celtic cross spread being The Devil. Not only does this card have its own meanings, but here it may mean that the more violent side of him takes over.

Again, don’t know if he’s talking to the audience or his shadow alter in never forgiving this outcome. I believe softboy Mikoto does have a clearer morality in that murder is NOT okay, and if he were to fully acknowledge that he as a whole was capable of that, I think he’d break down. So he’s like “it better NOT be true” because he doesn’t know how he’d be able to deal with that.

Interesting in the video is when Mikoto snaps and the headspace turns red again; I would think this is when the shadow alter is entering the scene and taking over. The snap here is symbolic of the switch.

Now presumably softboy Mikoto is like “PWEASE WET ME OUT MISTEW OBAMA”, which, again with the double meaning, can refer to letting him out of the vaporwave shadow realm headspace OR letting him out of prison. Both apply.

“That it’s a lie

That I’m right”- a nice duality here. Mikoto is having difficulty separating the truth from reality.

Also NOW he is forgiving. Forgiveness vs not forgiveness (grudge)

I think it’s gotten so bad that he’s like “okay fine. Fine if I committed murder, fine if you’re accusing me of murder, but please help me understand what’s going on. Let me out”. Maybe he’ll forgive the shadow alter if only he fesses up to the murder.

Of note for the scene however is that shadow alter Mikoto is holding up The Fool card, which represents softboy Mikoto in this case. “I’m right” may be the shadow alter’s sentiment.

-THE CARDS AT THE END-

Then, all the cards show up in more detail, all depicting weapons instead of the standard minor arcana that you might see in your standard Rider Waite tarot deck (which these are based off of). The Wands are baseball bats, the Swords are kitchen knives, the Cups are…poison cans? Acid? The Pentacles are….records but I can see these being rotary saws if you squint. The Wheel of Fortune has car wheels with a snake….GTA time baby (the snake being hidden danger, the devil’s temptation, etc). The chariot is a really weird motorcycle death machine. I was thinking how like, people would drag people along behind them while driving a vehicle as a method of torture so there is that.

Now we see some cards not in the original spread- I think this represents shadow alter Mikoto inserting himself into the headspace and changing things to fit his goals. We see a couple placed in the original spread, but some don’t and are just free-floating, but you’ll see below we have enough context to decipher their meaning.

First, it’s the Page of Pentacles, which has taken over the position of the 7 of swords as the current challenge affecting the issue. This card indicates “Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development”. I think this means the shadow alter is finally learning to take full control.

Then we see the reverse 2 of swords, which represents “Indecision, confusion, information overload, stalemate”. This could probably represent softboy Mikoto not suddenly understanding why the shadow alter is ALSO in the headspace. Maybe his dual presence in the outside world AND the headspace is indicative of exactly when he learned to take full control. This was NOT in Mikoto’s original spread.

Wheel of Fortune again, which was in the original spread. “Bad luck, negative external forces, out of control”. Yup, that confirms it.

Next, the Five of Swords from the original spread comes up. “Conflict, tension, loss.png, defeat, win at all costs, betrayal”. Softboy Mikoto is now being completely taken over. There is a facedown card on the chair. This might be the one that reads as Death later, so it may be that softboy Mikoto is…KILLED OFF?

Cup of Ace, “Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion”. I think this one is also meant to represent softboy Mikoto, but it could be that the shadow alter sees it as an act of mercy to take full control for softboy Mikoto. Maybe he feels his alter can’t handle reality and he’s going to take over full time. Or more likely he just has ulterior motives.

Reverse King of Cups. “emotional manipulation, moodiness, volatility”. Softboy Mikoto was lead along, thinking it was okay to leave things to the shadow alter or to exist alongside him. Now we see that isn’t a viable solution.

Reverse Five of Wands. “conflict avoidance, diversity, agreeing to disagree”.  I went over this more in the other post.

Chariot is the last one, WHICH ALSO WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL SPREAD. “Control, willpower, success, action, determination”. The shadow alter Mikoto has taken full control. Which is very quickly followed by…

Shadow alter Mikoto drawing Death. Also not in the original spread. Perhaps effectively “killing off” softboy Mikoto and betraying him.

Concluding Thoughts.

Now, I understand I do take most of these lyrics from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, but I’m sure there’s a layer of deception added on by his shadow alter. The Challenge card of the 7 of swords did represent betrayal. So softboy Mikoto’s only context into what’s going on outside may be his headspace tarot reading. If you want to question some of the lyrics, or even think one of the alters is lying, that would add SO much to the complexity of the situation, and I wouldn’t put it past the Milgram team to add something like that.

Common Themes/Symbols:

The mirror, both in the headspace and in the outside world bathroom

The Hanged Man- in a painting in the headspace and on Mikoto’s shirt. Indicative of being wrongly accused or martyred. Softboy Mikoto is likely represented with this, as well as The Fool. The Fool painting probably is there to show that he doesn’t know any better, that he is without the knowledge of what his shadow alter is doing (or doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong)

The Half Moon- a light side and a dark side. Pretty self-explanatory. Symbolically, it can also represent life and death. NICE.

Sorry if the conclusions end up being kind of vague. That’s the way a lot of this video is; what’s really going on, as it usually is, is up to viewer interpretation at this stage. I was just hoping to provide a bit of context into the images in the video, plural life, and narrator interpretation. I just really love this video and after this full analysis hope others can at least appreciate the work that went into it.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 276: Our Turn to Save You

Previously on BnHA: In a refreshing change of pace from the usual “the adults refuse to tell the kids anything” shtick, Deku and Kacchan flew around trying to get Tomura’s attention while refusing to explain jack shit to Endeavor! Deku eventually thought to ask Kacchan why he was getting in on this, and Kacchan launched into a two-page Denial Speech which seemed expressly designed to prime him for losing his quirk any fucking second now! Tomura then showed up and the two of them were all “KJSDLFK” but thankfully Gran dove in to rescue them from dying INSTANTANEOUS HORRIBLE DEATHS, and reminded them that there are practically SIX WHOLE GROWN-UPS left who can definitely still fight Tomura and won’t die at all!! And one of those grown-ups is Aizawa! Who’s getting ready to fight Tomura now! Listen Horikoshi you fucker, when I asked for more Aizawa angst and badassery this ISN’T WHAT I –

Today on BnHA: Tomura is all “THIS QUIRK WON’T STOP ME BECAUSE I CAN’T READ” and sort of shrugs it off and continues to kick ass even though his Decay and AFO powers aren’t working. The pros all try to stop him with Endeavor taking the lead, and because THEY ALL SUCK, APPARENTLY, nothing they do is effective in any way whatsoever! Meanwhile Gran dumps Deku and Kacchan off and is all “YOU’LL BE FINE HERE” which is the most ridiculous thing anyone in this manga has ever said, and then pretty much as soon as he says it at least nine more High Ends (excuse me, NEARLY High Ends) just POP UP OUT OF NOWHERE and are all “RARR” and the heroes are all “oh shit” and Tomura is all “lol yeah I actually had more High Ends this whole time” and Ujiko is all “it’s true!” and, fuck. The chapter ends with Tomura charging in to kill Aizawa only to be intercepted by MY TWO PRECIOUS BABIES, MY DARLING LITTLE HERO HATCHLINGS, and...!! I blame Gran for this.

gotta say, my sense of time is distorted enough as it is these days without chapter leaks coming out A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY EARLY out of nowhere. not that I’m complaining, because I want to see Aizawa kick some ass & immediately lose his fucking quirk as much as anyone, but it is disorienting

anyway time to dive into this chapter which I predict will be titled “everything instantly goes horribly wrong.” I’ve had a lot of time these past two weeks to think about what is going to happen next, and I’m pretty sure I nailed it you guys

so we’re opening with a familiar sight

I like that Horikoshi thinks that helicopters go “chop chop.” well, close enough

anyway, so yet again we have a scene in BnHA of a town in the process of being destroyed by villains while a helicopter whirs (WHIRS, Horikoshi) and chuffs (SOMETIMES THEY CHUFF TOO) anxiously nearby. I wonder if this helicopter is going to fucking disintegrate. that’d be something new

ARE YOU GOING TO DIE, MISTER LIVE REPORTER SIR. OH MAN. OH GOD I’M ANXIOUS

dozens, you guys! there are dozens of them left! not to worry then. the good guys definitely still got this

oh hey it’s that news anchor with the cutely fucked-up backstory of chopping off his own horn so as to more handsomely report the news

oh god don’t tell me this whole thing is going to be broadcast live. that’s all we fucking need right now. I wonder what’s going to throw society into chaos more, the reveal of just how powerful Tomura is now, or the exposure of what the government-mandated child soldiers get to do during their super-educational practical on-the-job training! no coffee-fetching for these kiddos! we’ve got ‘em rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands good and dirty!

oh hey and it looks like this means that All Might will get to watch protege #2 lose his quirk live on TV -- HEY WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

BAD BABYSITTER!! MY GOD MAN, I KNOW YOU’RE THE INDULGENT GRANDFATHER TYPE, BUT MAYBE CONSIDER CHANGING THE CHANNEL TO DOC MCSTUFFINS FOR THE TIME BEING??!

also I know this is just a perspective thing probably but lmao his hand on her shoulder is fucking huge. All Might you been working out again

but seriously this is not good for either of them to witness. they don’t need more trauma in their lives! All Might doesn’t need yet another thing to blame himself over! and he has conflicted feelings about Tomura still on top of that which I’m sure isn’t going to make this any easier. ANGST ALL AROUND. EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, EVERYWHERE YOU GOOOO

MOTHERFUCKER I --

is Mitsuki looking at fucking baby pictures of Kacchan. reliving the memories of the good old days, thinking about how far her baby boy has come and how proud she is. that’s just great you guys. that’s just fucking great. these aren’t even red flags at this point these are red fucking tapestries

(ETA: and this basically goes without saying, but I’m sure the fact that not one but THREE Todorokis are represented in this little montage means that Endeavor and Shouto are also going to be just fine.)

:)

HE’S SO HAPPY just fucking try and tell me he doesn’t have a mental fucking link to Tomura and Deku you guys. this bitch knows exactly what is going down right now and he is LIVING FOR IT. that does it. someone please save my spot in the chapter for me I am going to go take a quick walk to calm down

and of COURSE that’s a fucking lie though, god -- [frantically clicks to next page]

LOL HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

FUCKING MANUAL IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY LMAO. YOU CAN ALL FUCKING RELAX NOW. and fuck me, I’m so fucking happy RockLockRock is still alive as well but WHY ARE YOU STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO AIZAWA IN WHAT I LIKE TO CALL THE “CAUTION: YOU WILL GET SHOT” ZONE. swear to god Horikoshi THAT MAN HAS A FAMILY don’t you even think about -- !!

sigh, anyway so then the rest of the page is panels of Gran & The Boys, Endeavor, and Tomura, along with the text “WHICH SIDE IS THE VICTOR”, which is not helping matters any! also the title of the chapter is “Cheating” which I assume is a reference to both the erasure of Tomura’s quirk, and the soon-to-happen permanent removal of Aizawa’s. I’m just an optimist like that

oh hey and Tomura’s sending out some quick orders to his squad as well

and to think this homicidal maniac is in my top ten favorite characters. sob. I do love you kiddo so please don’t take it personally that I have to unequivocally root against you here. maybe if you listened to me once in a while and would even just consider my radical alternate plan of not killing anyone in sight

anyway lol but here everyone including myself thought he was going straight for the bullets and instead he was pulling out his phone. shows what we know. [braces myself for the follow-up panel of him putting the phone away again and THEN reaching for the bullets!!]

meanwhile we’re being introduced to some new sidekick of Endeavor’s who’s probably going to set the record for shortest time in between being introduced and dying horribly. sorry Kido. I’m just jaded

don’t mind me I’m just putting up emotional walls in between myself and any new lovable characters as a means of self-preservation. mmhmm. he can manipulate the trajectory of things. that’s nice. he seems nice. wouldn’t that be a nice quirk for Tomura to steal and then trajector a bullet straight towards Aizawa ffffff

(ETA: watch this space, everyone. Endeavor’s Sidekick Kido. gonna fuck everything up for everyone, mark my words.)

so I can’t help but notice that now that Tomura can’t use his quirk anymore and is helpless, they have all decided to just sit around doing nothing again?

like. far be it from me to openly wonder why they are not immediately knocking him out or setting him on fire again or whatnot. I am just a lowly civilian. it’s not my job to question these things

(ETA: I must learn to be patient.)

also lmao at Manual saying Aizawa’s ankle is “twisted”, similar to how Deku is constantly “twisting” all of his arms and legs all the time. or did he mean “twisted” in the sense that his leg was pretty much literally wrung out like a fucking towel

anyway so Manual is waterbending liquid into Aizawa’s eyes like that’s supposed to help him NOT close them

has Horikoshi ever had water splashed into his fucking eyes. he and I have had very different experiences as to the effects of this apparently

there we go!!

at least someone out here is fucking trying. for a second there I was honestly worried we were going to see a repeat of “oh well he seems dead enough, let’s just leave, see you at the victory party this weekend, X-Less”

LMAO WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE

[GRABS THESE PANELS AND WAVES THEM IN FRONT OF THE UNCONSCIOUS HAWKS] DID YOU HEAR THAT. DO YOU SEE THAT, BOYO. FACTS. BEING WEAK TO FIRE IS, IN FACT, 100 PERCENT A CHOICE. IF YOU HAD JUST DONE MORE PUSH-UPS AND TRAINED HARDER YOU WOULDN’T BE IN THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW. SMDH. YOU FUCKING WIMP. YOU RECREANT. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

hooooh man. hokay. whew. has anyone seen my suspension of disbelief. I’m so used to having it on me at all times when I read this manga that I must have let my guard down and now it seems I’ve spaced it out. well we’ll just keep a lookout for it

so now we’re cutting to Ujiko who is gleefully bragging that Tomura’s strength is on par with All Might Prime’s, which is just great. and now he’s also starting this sentence and then just... not... finishing it

that’s fine. you just trail off, then. hang those implications. whatever dude

meanwhile RLR and Manny are helping Aizawa limp away while he awkwardly has to twist his neck around to be able to still keep Tomura in his line of sight. I feel like there was probably a better way for them to do this but whatever

anyway thanks for confirming that Ujiko did make Tomura into a Noumu in addition to giving him AFO, though, Horikoshi! that’s very nice of you to unsink one of my theories like that. appreciate it

and hold up, so it occurs to me that “Being Fireproof” could still be a quirk, but just a mutant-type quirk rather than an activation type, meaning that Erasure would have no effect on it! aha! oh, there’s my suspension of disbelief lol it was in my pocket the whole time!!

anyway so Endeavor and Tomura are tussling but I really wish they’d be more careful because if Tomura is still capable of super strength and super speed then he could propel himself out of Aizawa’s line of sight really easily and I feel like this isn’t really helping

is it just me or do they look like they’re TRYING to jump in between Aizawa and Tomura, like?!?! GUYS

LMAO now Gran is just

SHUP. toss. dusts off hands. well that takes care of that

and apparently he’s under the genuine impression that a mere “now stay put you dumdums” is going to have any effect on these two whatsoever. lol okay. we’ll see

anyways YESSSSS, KACCHAN MEET GRAN, GRAN, KACCHAN

meanwhile Kacchan falls silent as he mentally tries to work out who tf “Toshinori” is lmao. I’M SO CHUFFED ABOUT THIS. YES THAT’S ANOTHER USE OF THE WORD “CHUFFED.” VERY VERSATILE AND REMINISCENT OF HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRLING

and now here’s a convenient map showing how far away Deku and Kacchan are from safety!

thanks for that. that’s so reassuring to have this nifty little visual

OH MY GOD GRAN

DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE?? DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING ARC HAVE A DEATH WISH. MY GOD

“BUT FAR BE IT FROM ME TO LEAVE WITHOUT ANY OMINOUS FORESHADOWING!!” NO INDEED WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!!!

rather than focus anymore on how goddamn foreboding that is, I would instead like to take this moment to call attention to the fact that Gran apparently knows Bakugou’s name but not Present Mic’s. that’s amazing

sob

what good indeed. imagine if they couldn’t even do that. I imagine that would have some far-reaching consequences which might even be interesting to explore as part of a story

:O

I made the same face as them just now fyi

fucking Schrodinger’s High Ends. they only exist when the plot says it’s convenient for them to exist. maybe they’re like fairies and if you say you don’t believe in them they drop dead. where the fuck did these things actually come from?!

WAY TO DROP THE BOYS OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF NOUMU FUCKING CENTRAL MY GOOD MAN. MAYBE WE SHOULD SCROLL BACK UP AND UPDATE THAT MAP. GOOD JOB LMAO

WHAT THE FUCK

welp. they deleted Tomura’s quirk and then sent the strongest guy they had after him, annnnnnnd he went and beat him anyway in like two fucking seconds. so that’s. ... wowee. ...so do we have a plan b, or...

like, holy shit though?? and can you imagine the kind of psychological impact this is having on everyone watching this live on TV right now?? this is literally the anti-Kamino. holy fucking shit. also did Tomura lose an arm or am I just not understanding this image right?? NOT THAT IT SEEMS TO BE BOTHERING HIM IN THE SLIGHTEST??

(ETA: somehow I missed the fact that he is even calling attention to it lol. “I’ll raise [the other hand] when it’s back.” fucking look at Mr. Transcendent here who’s so powerful that when you tear his arms off all it does is make him more sassy. is he secretly related to Mirko.)

idk guys I really think my original chapter title was better

at least Endeavor isn’t fucking dead just yet. four more pages and you might actually make it out of this chapter alive my good man

blah blah blah flashback to Ujiko explaining that the Noumu could be activated by an electric current flowing through them, and that they’re programmed to move only on Tomura’s orders. you know. just more good news

oh hey but at least these ones are mindless so I guess it’s okay for the kids to kick their asses without feeling too conflicted. it’s just too bad “their strength is higher quality than the others” but you win some, you lose some

OH GOOD, THEY’RE GOING STRAIGHT FOR AIZAWA

I’M SURE THAT MIDORIYA “MY BODY MOVED BEFORE I COULD THINK” IZUKU AND BAKUGOU “I’M THE ONE WHO’LL GET PAYBACK FOR THAT DAY” KATSUKI WILL TAKE THEIR GRANDPA’S SAGE ADVICE AND GO AND HIDE WHILE THEIR TEACHER IS IN DANGER. IT’S NOT LIKE THEY’VE LITERALLY GONE TO SCHOOL FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR EXPLICITLY MAJORING IN NOT DOING THAT. YES THIS IS FINE THIS IS FUCKING FINE AND GREAT

NOW WHAT’S HAPPENING THERE’S LOTS OF RUBBLE FALLING AROUND AND STUFF MOVING AND SOMEONE IS TALKING

OH IT’S HIM

excuse me. EXCUSE ME. no, you are NOT. going to fucking die, Aizawa Shouta. HORIKOSHI KOUHEI!!! YOU’RE UNDER ARREST FOR THE CRIME OF DRAWING THIS FUCKING PANEL. THIS ONE, RIGHT HERE. YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. HOW DARE YOU. how FUCKING dare you sir

and if anything happens to RLR I SWEAR TO GOD!! you know what?! you know what?!?

STOP IT

[sitting curled up into a little ball with my knees drawn up to my chest, drawing little finger circles on the floor] I see. so he’s not even concerned about himself at all. it’s his two tiny little hero eggs, his problem children, and the fact that if he dies here there won’t be anything preventing Tomura from finding and killing them. ahh. okay. it’s okay. that’s fine

and goddammit what is he pulling out from his belt. everyone is on the same page here, right? Aizawa’s Not Allowed To Die. that was the deal. WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN FOR OTHERWISE

(ETA: yeah but he seriously did just pull a knife out of fucking nowhere though like the kid in that fucking vine lmao. APPARENTLY HE’S HAD IT THIS ENTIRE TIME?? “what if I just stabbed him” lulz. based on the way things were trending, I’m willing to bet it would have literally bounced off of Tomura’s chest at this point, but I’ll give him credit for making the effort.)

NOPE NOPE NOPE NO

(ETA: Shinsou being in the bottom corner... ;_; )

is anyone listening to me!??! I’m over here screaming myself fucking hoarse??! AIZAWA ISN’T FUCKING ALLOWED TO DIE??!! HELLO!?!?!

lol well at least RLR didn’t get steamrolled over

well everyone. we’ve reached page 18. one more to go. what are the odds we end with the boys arriving in the ta-da nick of time to defend their teacher. just who is watching over whom

THERE IT IS!!!

OH NO OH GOD AM I CRYING??! YOU HAD TO GO AND PUT THOSE FLASHBACK PANELS IN?? HIM SAVING DEKU AND CO. AT USJ, PLUS THAT ONE TIME HE DEFENDED BAKUGOU DURING HIS MOST VULNERABLE MOMENT IN FRONT OF A NATIONAL AUDIENCE??? “IT’S OUR TURN TO SAVE YOU”???

and they look so determined and desperate?? and the “Aizawa-sensei!” echoing in both their minds?? and meanwhile Aizawa looks fucking horrified though, because of all the... [gestures] you know? the Terrible Danger?? sob??

anyway. I really let this manga do this to me every damn week. let it just have its fucking way with me. at least Horikoshi didn’t end up breaking the law after all. I don’t know if I could continue to support a mangaka who is willing to commit an actual war crime. no touching Aizawa. OKAY?? OKAY

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 1027 - Initial Thoughts

Okay we have returned, 2 more commanders have fallen and Luffy has returned into the fight proper now. But the chapter title is a concerning one

'An Unbelievable Disaster'

but for who? Let's find out

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release

Haha Roger, little scoundrel. Wonder if we will get any young Roger flashbacks in the future

Carrot is back in centre frame, hugging Neko after defeating Perospero

Neko being sweet in warning her about the moonlight, I mean Carrot did say she was able to control it in WCI

Must really be a moment for Momo and Yamato too, we've seen the heavens part, we've had our freakout from the clash of kings, but this is the first time for them, the wave of emotions they must be going through

The clash is really doing a number on the lower floors too, I have continually warned you all of this island's structural integrity, roof ain't made for fighting

Yamato finally feels the effects of Thunder Bagua, despite shielding themselves from it. So I'd like people who were trying to rank Zoro below Yamato to kindly take the L because Yamato didn't scar Kaido

Back to the bickering for Luffy and Momo, Yamato telling him to help Momo, which is a solid plan still despite Momo's protests

Kaido isn't just gonna let this plan happen though and goes for Momo - who is still trying to will himself to fly - and Yamato

Seeing Kaido has Momo invoke Kin'emon and Kiku for strength, which is a bit heartbreaking since they're either dead or near-death atm

Yamato blocks the first attack and then Luffy wraps around Kaido to halt him

Luffy's little smile, of course everyone knows that Luffy wants Kaido to himself

Momo takes the leap, but he cannot steer and thus is plummeting

Luckily Yamato is a Dragon Tutorial NPC, telling Momo the mechanics of 'flying', like Geppo is more kicking the air, Dragons are simply climbing clouds

Momo's euphoria to flying is sweet too, given how he was deathly afraid of heights about 2 minutes ago

But rubble from the island is falling on them, so Yamato has to bat them away

The underneath is crumbling, which could indeed be a sign that Kaido is weakening, but it could also be a sign that the island's integrity is reaching its limits, also I still like my theory last week that Onigashima was the original capital, the bedrock would be unstable if it was lifted away before

Momo tries to push the island away, but Yamato points out how it's futile; the Flower Capital is in sight

I wonder if that's a normal 5 minutes of a Frieza 5 minutes?

Yamato suggests using Momo's fire clouds, but Momo doesn't feel like he's at that level yet, still questioning whether he has all of Kaido's powers

Alright so you can't just drop it there either it seems, Onigashima has enough explosives to basically nuke the capital in fallout, got a bit of Alabasta references here maybe? Blow it up in the sky

Since they don't want Kaido to run out of energy too, Momo suggests stopping Luffy, but gets bonked for being daft

'Even though he can barely stand'? Not sure about that Yamato he had a big lunch while you were fighting Kaido

But it's right not to tell him yet, if a solution is found there's no point, plus one will bet that Kaido will tell him if he gets desperate

Meanwhile on the performance floor though, King has gone in a slashing fit

KNIFE WINGS!

Zoro's blocked it but he's also been flung quite a way away

Safe hands by Franky

Zoro ain't asking for help when he scarred a Yonko, besides he should be teaming with Sanji at this point

Sanji of whom we don't see in this chapter, just Queen bickering with King

Ah okay so King is having a fit because Zoro cut his mask

King charges at Zoro again, hoping to dump him off the Island, but Zoro corrects himself with a new attack 'Clear Lance/Sky Tanuki'

Yeah Zoro would much rather die by the blade than plummet, though King's not exactly in a compliant mood

Though, you only see a tiny bit of his forehead, dunno why he's throwing such a hissy over that? He'll probably get a bunch of fangirls when his full face is revealed anyway

So this was an eventful one, starting strong with Luffy and Kaido setting a 1v1 we shifted over to Momo. As expected, Yamato is perfect for guiding Momo through his dragon powers. I didn't expect Onigashima to be loaded with enough explosives to be a bomb though, suppose it makes sense but it is adding some extra urgency.

We had some Neko and Carrot stuff at the start but not a lot, I hope this does mean plans for Carrot, it also may be a contrast to Inu who is without support and Orochi nearby.

Our main focus looks to shift to Zoro vs King, bit sad it's focusing on a singles fight (for now maybe) because I wanted Zoro and Sanji to fight together to win, but alas we will get some personal time with King to show off his race's design and capabilities. Wonder if he looks similar to someone else we know?

[theregardedminecrafter]

So you see, I got this ever so compulsive urge to rewatch Tommyinnit’s Railroad war VOD after these past couple months, because I am starved of c!dream content especially the earlier days. And honestly with the knowledge gained from future events it’s rather interesting! This may be disjointed, but it’s just me rambling!

(Warning I won’t be writing c! For the characters because that is a lot of work, but I will only be referring to the canon characters and not the ccs)

First off, attachment is not a word anymore. Tommy and tubbo repeated that word during the beginning, I could practically taste Wilbur’s influence in the rp, not that it’s bad. Just really heavy handed.

So Dream dies, not a canon one, but pretty significant as it is the first instance of a minecart related incident. Just sorta stared of into the distance. He asks for them to save his stuff and they immediately start up with the attachment talk and about holding everything hostage for Mellohi, the disk given to Dream to gain independence. (Technically, my opinion, a disk Tommy is not owed.)

They know what they’re doing is not good and could spark another war despite the peace treaty, but they do it anyway. Tubbo going so far as to behind every one’s backs to stow away Dream’s sword.

Skeppy is also there, very pissed at Tommy’s ignoring and sorta sides with Dream as a friend during the insuing standoff in which they are both killed two to three times for resisting or trying to renegotiate. There is no sugarcoating that that didn’t happen or the duo didn’t know. They are kids and child soldiers hardened by one war and emboldened by the success of independence. Tommy is shanking Dream whilst wearing his armor.

This is also the conflict in which Tommy gets Spirit. Dream offers spirit to get his stuff back, knowing Tommy would use it against him, though I doubt even Dream could predict how.

Tommy was also trying to give skeppy spirit for cat, and honestly skeppy had the most respected response with a “fuck no, stopping trying to give me my friend’s beloved horse’s carcass” which is honestly the sanest thing done.

Honestly this all feels like real big set up for Dream’s unhealthy obsession with attachments, knowingly being without control or the safety of his gear, forced into choosing what is worth more, the attachment of spirit or the control of the disk. It doesn’t help that sapnap helped Tommy and tubbo out after the trade because they assumed Dream was carrying mellohi.

All Tommy and tubbo had to do was say that he might have it and sapnap just said fuck yea, I hate the green devil. And though I do love redeemed Sapnap and his dteam angst fuel, it sorta feels disconnected when I’m watching him referring to Dream as the devil after watching him say that his dream is gone in the prison arc. Especially after Sapnap eagerly and gleefully murdered dream looking for mellohi. Then he immediately turns again like it’s the fucking hokey pokey and says he’s being threatened which can’t be confirmed or denied because we don’t hear anything and Dream had no weapons because sapnap had just murdered him and what is even going on.

Tubbo has 50 sticks and Dream kills him, and know he has 50 sticks and that is the only thing he uses rather than the shank Tommy gave to him after “losing” Dream’s. Skeppys got lost in the mix Ponk was lurking and Wilbur told them to run and then scolded them for running. Tubbo would rather play fall guys...

Honestly, I’m so exhausted and this was just something I fixated on and they dumped my thoughts onto the internet 5 months after it was recorded. Maybe I’ll think of a clever theory about how this seemed to be a push That led Dream to spiraling down into the state in which all attachmentshe had could and would be used against. Not the main one but one of many rocks thrown against the glass of his mind, cracking but not yet shattering him. That sounded really fucking pretentious, but in all seriousness these are just my thoughts. Good night I’m gonna pass out.

[specterchasing-a]

Coming Clean || Eddie & Bex

TIMING: Wednesday, June 23rd

PARTIES: @inbextween​ & @specterchasing​

LOCATION: Eddie’s Apartment

SUMMARY: Eddie finally has a chance to tell Bex the truth.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Internalized homophobia tw

Two days ago, Bex’s heart stopped beating, and today Eddie planned to break up with her. He would understand if she ended hating him, he kind of did too. Not for being gay, but for involving her in his repression-fueled fantasy. Building a relationship where denial served as a linchpin would have been a lousy decision no matter what. Doing so with Bex, an incontestably wonderful girl with too much already on her plate, placed him on the leaderboard for the world’s biggest scumbags. The more he thought about it, the more Morgan’s worst-case scenario sounded like a pipedream.

As per usual, he picked her up at the docks not far from where they shared their first kiss. Eddie tried not to think about that night at the karaoke bar as she settled into the passenger seat, but failed immediately. If divine punishment existed, it was probably reserved for guys who dumped girls that liked them enough to kiss them in front of an audience. He wondered how the people who cheered them on would feel if they could see them now. Shockingly, the imaginary crowd didn’t help calm his nerves.

“Hey,” Eddie squeaked as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly it turned his knuckles white. “Good to see you.” He put the car in drive and navigated them towards the road. The song playing from the car’s speakers faded into silence before the next one kicked off. Eddie didn’t recognize it until the vocals chimed in.

Now I’ve had—

Eddie hit the radio’s power button and plunged them into awkward silence, now certain he’d been onto something with his theory about divine punishment.

She could do this. Bex took in a deep breath as she waited on the bench by the ferry, where she always waited for Eddie. It gave her the perfect view of the road, as far down as the sharp turn left that took you away from Amity and towards Downtown, as well as of the ocean, reaching out beyond the horizon. Ever since she’d found out about Mina, every body of water reminded her of her. It was just another of many things that did. And then the guilt would start. Especially because today she was meeting with Eddie. 

She didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but it was something big and probably serious. And so she’d put on her best “I'm Fine!” face and made sure her smile reached just enough of her eyes when she saw Eddie’s car pulling around the corner. She couldn’t let the nothingness consume her, she knew that, but forcing it felt wrong and raw. She could fake it, though. She was really good at faking being okay. She’d done it for twenty years and sometimes she forgot she might not need to do it for another twenty. 

The car pulled up and she waved at him, like she always did, before straining to lift herself from the bench. Her heart pumped loud in her chest and she put a hand over it to calm it down. “Hey,” she said gently, smiling, “thanks for picking me up, like always. I-- feel like it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” Was she supposed to hug him? Kiss him hello? She didn’t know and it felt wrong, when she’d just kissed Mina a few days ago. She slid into the front seat. “Are you doing-- okay? With-with everything?”

All in all, Bex seemed like she always did. Eddie couldn’t fathom walking away from what she’d been through without losing himself altogether, but it would have been a mistake to underestimate her resilience. He appreciated that she didn’t greet him with affection. It would’ve only made what he needed to do more difficult.

“Uhm, well,” Eddie stalled after her question. ‘Okay’ wasn’t how he would describe his current state, but he preferred to avoid introspection. Other people had it worse, Bex included. He didn’t need to pile his problems on top of hers. “Yeah, all things considered.” His anxiety slowly began to ebb as they picked up where they left off. Even now, Bex managed to have a soothing effect on him.

“How about you?” Eddie glanced over at her as he drove. He needed to make sure she was stable enough to cope with a break-up. Otherwise, he’d need to suck up his reservations about playing the role of her boyfriend a little longer. “I mean, we don’t have to go into it if you don’t want to, but I won’t lie and say I’m not worried about you.”

“I’m--” Bex started, but she didn’t know how she was. “--dealing.” It was the closest she’d get to the truth, for now. She didn’t want to lie to Eddie, but she couldn’t tell him the truth, not yet. Her pain was just hurting other people, and she needed to not be that for him. She owed it to him. If she was just using him for safety, she owed that to him. She hoped one day, he’d forgive her. She gave a brief smile. “It’s a lot, but I’ll be okay. I have Morgan and Mi--” she paused, “--my other friends.” She licked her lips. “I have people.”

The car ride wasn’t exactly a long one, they’d made it so many times. From the ferry to Eddie’s place, but it felt like ages. “I know you’re worried, and I-- I won’t tell you not to be, because I know that’s hard right now. But don’t-- don’t think you have to focus on me. I don’t know how well you knew-- everyone. Everything.” 

Eddie hoped he counted as one of the people Bex felt she could rely on, but recent evidence suggested otherwise. When it came to sharing her feelings or even being open about how she spent her time, he clearly didn’t register as someone she was comfortable confiding in. It stung, but Eddie harbored secrets too. It would be hypocritical to expect Bex to lay out the truth for him when he couldn’t offer her the same candor.

“I only met Adam once,” Eddie said quietly. He knew Bex’s comment referred to more than the recently dead hunter, but it was hard not to think about him specifically. “He saved my life.” Nervousness gave way to a sinking feeling in his chest.

“I’m worried about everyone right now, but especially you and Nell. I guess that’s the price of caring, I don’t really have a say in the matter.”

Eddie pulled into his apartment building’s parking lot and came to a stop in his usual parking space. “I know you hate it when I do this,” he said, looking at Bex. “But I’m gonna open the door for you.” With that out of the way, he exited the car and circled around to the passenger side to make good on his word. 

“The elevator’s been out of order since its brief stint as a portal to hell, so we’ll have to take the stairs,” Eddie informed Bex as he held out his hand for her. “You think you can manage that, or is it human-crutch time?”

Bex didn’t get why everyone kept saying that. They were worried about Nell and her, but Bex wasn’t the one who had lost someone. Bex wasn’t the one who had been trapped in a hell dimension for over two weeks. Bex wasn’t the one who had died. She didn’t say anything, just shook her head and smiled sadly. “I’m so worried about Nell,” she admitted quietly, “but I don’t know how to help her. So I’m just-- focusing on what I can do, and who I can help.” They pulled up to his building and he parked and she reached for the handle, when suddenly he was announcing he’d get the door.

She didn’t have the heart to argue and just nodded. “Right, okay. Just this once, though,” she agreed, watching him walk around and open it. She pulled herself out, standing up. Her body didn’t hurt as much as ache, now that the healer had done his work and made things less-- painful. Maybe that wasn’t quite the word, but it was close enough. “I can walk! Honestly. No leg injuries this time.” Just heart palpitations and a burn that rose up every time she moved too much.  It still felt like asking him too much. “Lead the way.”

Eddie refrained from offering his opinions on Nell’s situation. The only help she could be given was confidence in her safety net. Friends and family being there for her would ease the pain, but nothing would rid her of it completely. Adam’s death and the grief it brought her would be something she carried for the rest of her life. Over time, she might learn how to have good days again, but reminders would wait around every corner. Grief, after it introduces itself, never leaves for long.

The two of them traversed the stairs in silence while Eddie’s anxiety returned in full-swing. After three flights, he opened a door that led to a long hallway of apartments. His eyes lingered on Alfie’s as he led Bex to his own. He made sure Silas knew not to be around for today. An imaginary audience was bad enough.

Bucket rushed to greet them at the front door. As per usual, he showed how bad of a guard-dog he would be by not barking. Eddie picked up the Pomeranian currently shaking with noiseless excitement and kicked the door shut with his heel.

“So,” he ventured. His mouth felt uncomfortably dry. “You thirsty, or anything?” He hoped she was. Eddie would take any excuse he could get to prolong the inevitable.

Bex followed him up the stairs and slunk behind just enough to let her expression fall for a moment. Keeping up her facade felt harder now, for some reason, when she couldn’t quite access the feelings inside of her. She just wanted to not think about any of that stuff, she wanted to think about other stuff. Better stuff, happy stuff. She perked back up as soon as they were at the door, inside, and she gave a gentle smile. “I, uh-- no, not really,” she answered, shaking her head. She really just wanted to get this over with, whatever it was. She didn’t know, how could she possibly know? She’d been bad to him lately, and she felt increasingly more guilty about it, the longer they stood there. 

“So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?” she asked, moving further into the apartment. She’d found comfort here in a lot of ways, but something felt as if it were sitting in the room with them, and she assumed it was whatever Eddie wanted to talk to her about. “It seemed pretty urgent.”

Eddie’s hope collapsed when Bex tackled the elephant in the room. “Right, that,” he said with a sigh. He lowered Bucket to the floor and attempted to steel himself. Whatever it was that he said to Morgan when the two of them acted out this very scenario was now completely inaccessible to him now. Eddie’s heart pounded loudly in his ears while he tried to piece together a new script.

“Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I really do care about you and… that I’m sorry,” Eddie began, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke. Words weren’t coming to him easily. Every thought in his head sounded disjointed and scared. He decided to approach the situation as if he were ripping off a band-aid. “I’m gay, Bex.” Eddie couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “I knew that when we got together, but I didn’t want it to be true and I thought dating you would, I dunno, fix me, I guess.” His lips pursed. “I’m sorry,” he said for the second time.

Bucket plodded over to Bex and she bent down to pet the excitable dog, looking up at Eddie. He looked nervous. And he was looking at her strangely, and then he was apologizing. Oh, was he breaking up with her? She shouldn’t have been relieved. He provided something for her that she needed-- normalcy. Protection. But that was selfish. That was so selfish to think. She pulled her hand away and stood up, tilting her head. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, he had more to say, and then-- “Oh.” Oh. Eddie was...gay. That-- made sense. It made sense. It really did. How hadn’t she seen it? How hadn’t she known? Probably because she still had a blindfold down over her own eyes, buried herself deep in that closet. It was safe back there.

“You’re-- oh.” No, no, she needed to say something else. Not just Oh. She needed to say something else. “That’s-- wow. You’re--” Me, too. She wanted to say, but the words made her heart seize. Was this how Eddie had felt? Bex was a coward. “I-- I’m sorry. I didn’t know. But I-- I’m happy for you. Really! I am. I’m glad you could figure that out, I’m just sorry I--” she wasn’t sure what she was sorry about, she just knew she was sorry. “Didn’t realize. It’s...it’s okay. That you knew, before.” He wanted to be reassured, right? She shook her head and walked towards him, holding out her hand. “Hey,” she called to him, “I’m not mad. This-- this was really brave of you. Really. I’m glad you told me. I don’t want to make you live a life you’re not happy with.”

Bex’s initial reaction caused Eddie’s heart to stall in his chest, but the words that followed replaced terror with confusion. His gaze slowly found hers. An apology was the last thing he expected to hear her say. Instead of hating him, she almost sounded relieved. With all she’d been through, he guessed that made sense. Their relationship never seemed to offer her much comfort, so its ending only meant one less thing to worry about.

When she offered her hand, Eddie gladly took it. “You’re… sure it’s okay?” He didn’t know why he asked that, her answer didn’t have the power to change anything. “Thank you, Bex.” Eddie gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Really, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, but… especially this.” A tentative smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Does this mean we’re still friends?”

Bex gave a small laugh, a genuine laugh, the first time in days, but she laughed and it felt good. “Yes, Eddie, I’m sure,” she shrugged, “not sure my answer would be able to change how you feel, how you are, anyway. And I wouldn’t want it to. You-- all I want is for you to be happy. You know that, right?” She hoped he knew that. She squeezed his hand back. “No need to thank me, really. I’m just doing what should be done, what any friend would do.” What she hoped her friends would do for her, when she finally could be safe about it, too. If ever. “Of course we are. We were friends before we were-- you know, whatever this was. We’re still friends.” 

She tried to keep herself stable, as she looked at him, and she realized her last line of defense was falling. If she had to go home and tell her parents that she was single again, what was to say they wouldn’t just give up on her right then and there? Her smile soured. “Are you...okay? About all this?”

Eddie’s smile grew and lost its nervousness. The longer Bex spoke, the more his anxiety melted away. He still had a long way to go before the truth about his identity stopped being something he lost sleep over, but having people in his life accept and even support him made it easier to stomach. “That’s all I want for you too,” he softly replied.

He took a deep breath after her follow-up question, not noticing the way her smile suddenly seemed less genuine. “I think so,” he said with a nod. “Most days are pretty up and down in regards to this particular topic, but… I’ve got a lot of people in my corner, it seems.” Alfie, Morgan, Silas, and now Bex. So far, everyone he told responded positively. “So, yeah, don’t waste time worrying about me. I’m gonna be just fine.”