#good intentions don't excuse his actions

[mayhaps-a-blog]

I’ve seen a few people asking why Thrawn would attack the New Republic – shouldn’t he join them and fix the system from the inside, or just go back to the Ascendancy? Why would he destabilize the galaxy further?

But if you think about it

Really, the only reason Thrawn needs is to believe that the New Republic is a threat to the galaxy. Which, well...

Thrawn joined the Empire to oppose the Grysk, because Thrawn believes in a strong military. Thrawn’s not good at politics, and deals with everything in military terms – remember the Lioaoin's economic issues? That’s why he got along with the Empire, and why he put up with all their crap. In Thrawn’s head, big military = big victory = stop bad guys = good.

Enter the New Republic.

What are they doing? Disarming. While there are still pirates, the Hutts, Imperial Remnants, and, of course, the Grysk nipping at their heels. In the midst of a tumultuous time, they are deliberately weakening their ability to meet the challenges ahead, and opening the galaxy to invasion. Says Thrawn.

It doesn’t even matter if they’re Grysk influenced or just stupid – it’s the same result. The galaxy loses. His people lose. Says Thrawn.

What do you expect him to do? Join them? Of course not – he at least knows he’s terrible at politics. And the New Republic is all politics – it would put him at a disadvantage, in a fight he cannot afford to lose. And it would open him to attacks on fronts where he has no power: trials for war crimes, possibly leading to execution – or worse. The Mind Flayer.

You think Thrawn would risk his mind?

Besides, better to ask forgiveness than permission, as they say.

And if you want something done right, do it yourself.

Conquering the New Republic would be better for everyone, Thrawn says. It would save the galaxy from annihilation, allow him to turn the resources of the Empire against evil, bring peace and order to the galaxy and beyond. He would keep all the good of the Empire, Thrawn says, while getting rid of all of the bad, Thrawn says – whatever that means to him.

For the greater good, Thrawn says.

Everything he’s done has always been for the greater good, Thrawn says.

The tragedy is that he believes it.

[alexiethymia]

MaoMao's Way of Affection

[spoilers up until LN 12 and WN 10 so read at your own risk]

After such a long time, we finally get a hint of reciprocation when even without orders or prompting, it's MaoMao herself who seeks out Jinshi after the harrowing ordeal she went through.

I'm not sure how the WN will differ from the LN but her words with how she describes Jinshi's arms around her, "heavy but not immoveable" and Jinshi asking her to make him let her go and eventually opting not such that she ends up falling asleep in his arms actually perfectly describes their relationship.

Despite their problems, I do adore this relationship. On the one hand, you have Jinshi who ends up falling for someone who cares not a whit for his appearance. MaoMao is actually the perfect person for Jinshi to fall in love with because of his complex. Should he succeed, he can be assured that his looks had nothing to do with it. For the first time in his life, Jinshi can fight for something with his own above average, but not excellent capabilities.

And tropey as it is, I think MaoMao does have a soft spot for that slightly pathetic part of Jinshi. Honestly, to compare him to the person she respects most in the whole world? A daddy's girl through and through. In other words, MaoMao, even as she denies it, is not impenetrable to that earnest side of Jinshi and because of that, even as she might snark and say she's just following orders, she can't help but be his support - a useful tool rather than a useless burden.

I love how the both of them mature and progress and how the relationship reflects that. As compared to that forceful scene back in LN5, it's actually this innocent scene that cements the progress they've made and that they're slowly meeting each other halfway. Jinshi tries to restrain himself, and MaoMao, thanks to Chue, slowly stops trying to hide behind that convenient excuse.

Because the thing is, MaoMao is a hypocrite. In the same way, she rebukes Jinshi for not being clear, she also gets to hide behind vague half-truths. Why not say no once and for all? "I don't want to be your wife." Is it just because he's the Imperial Brother? Compare and contrast how she treats Grand Marshall Kan for example. And even if he is the Imperial Brother, MaoMao knows in her heart of hearts that Jinshi wouldn't ever punish her for rejecting him. She knows, after everything, that he just isn't that kind of person (the certainty that he wouldn't ever be involved in any assassination plots, the almost unconscious instinct to prevent something she knows Jinshi wouldn't want even if it might be for the good of the country or for her own safety as long as she plays dumb). I really do love how like Suiren, MaoMao is his ally. (No wonder mother-in-law Suiren approves.)

Isn't it more painful - for Jinshi - and more troublesome - for her - to continue to have this hanging between them? But MaoMao is only human. There are things she knows would be the best course of action as long as she operated solely on rationality, but unexpectedly, Jinshi - despite not knowing it - brings out that irrational part of her. She knows it would have been in her best interest (if her best interest truly was to escape the marriage) to just let Jinshi continue being vague, to not put a name to his intentions, she later realizes that this is Jinshi's own consideration for her, but her true emotions push forth. She knows it - what Jinshi feels for her, compares it to a lovestruck patron, so what gain does she get from hearing it verbalized out loud?

She struggles with his special consideration for her, the proof of deeper feelings, in his words and actions. I think she would be able to justify it in her mind and accept being his wife if she knew it was only because she was a useful tool. Because if so, then she could also justify it to herself that she was staying with him only because he was useful, that it was solely on the basis of reciprocity.

I mean the reality of the world they live in is that it's not a place to cultivate love. Marriages are political more often than not. Within MaoMao's way of looking at things, a marriage of convenience might have been more palatable. For Jinshi's part, I can see him being ready to accept that even if MaoMao does accept his proposal, she would marry him while not being in love with him. On the flip side, I think part of his strong motivation to break away from the Imperial family would be to remove, without a doubt, from MaoMao's mind that she would be punished for rejecting him since he would no longer have that power. In other words, part of Jinshi is ready for MaoMao to reject him but he wants it to be solely her choice. In other words, he would also want her to give it to him straight just like she demanded he do for her.

Speaking of special consideration, it is hard to say whether MaoMao's actions towards Jinshi are those she would do for any other patient (since she's actually softer than she gives herself credit for), but the things she does without orders are telling - like stroking his hair while putting him to sleep, kissing his cheek, ingesting something she knows she's allergic to without his knowledge for a plan to sniff out his enemies (pity this didn't make it to the LN), getting mad that his accomplishments were getting stolen from him despite him not caring about it, and glaringly - attempting to break a taboo the person she respects most in the world imposed on her, just so she can better take care of Jinshi. For all that MaoMao is comfortable in her place in the world and doesn't want to venture out of her comfort zone, calling it too troublesome, she does exceed a lot of her limits - true because of that unexpectedly strong sense of duty - but also because of or for Jinshi.

MaoMao acknowledges to herself at this point that no other person besides Jinshi can give her the same comfort. She does want to have a child someday, if only for the experience of giving birth. It may not be a burning passion, this may not be enough for her to call it love, but I can also see a scenario where she accepts Jinshi because he's the only one she would be comfortable with so that she can give birth. In other words, another convenient excuse. But conversely, even after succeeding in having MaoMao for a wife, I can see Jinshi still pushing because for once in his life he can fight his hardest and win or fail on his own merits and no one else's, and also simply put, he loves her and so he would want her to love him back. Even if it isn't the norm in the world they live in. He'd still want to continue fighting for that elusive flower. A perfect push and pull. In other words, it's up to them how they decide to meet each other half way. And I'm excited to see what the future holds for them.

[writing-in-glitter-pen]

This Garden You've Grown ❀

Wriothesley catches you where you shouldn't be, little did he know, you were just the right person, in just the right place.

wriothesley x fem!reader II fluff, romance

part two ♡ part three ♡

"I'll need you to come with me, miss."

You whirled around, a basket full of perfectly bloomed tulips clutched in your hand. Before you stood a large, burly-figured man, dawning a set of spiky cuffs and a grim expression. You recognized this man as none other than Wriothesley---Duke of the Fortress Meropide. But what did he want with you?

All you had been doing was enjoying your time in your favorite spot outside the city---a small plot in a lush expanse of fields you'd made your own personal garden; growing all sorts of plants, including the pretty pink tulips you'd just been harvesting. You'd found this place a handful of months ago on a stroll outside The Court of Fontaine's grounds---needing a break from city life. It was so easy to get wrapped up in the buzz of the bustling streets and forget the beauty of nature. You'd decided it was a waste to leave a perfectly fertile field unused, so you began your garden.

...that you were now being arrested in.

"Excuse me?", you asked politely, needing clarification as to why he wanted to take you away.

"You heard me, don't make this difficult.", the duke had an irritated look on his face, like he was reprimanding a bratty child that knows better than to do what they did.

...but really you had no clue what you did!

You frantically squabbled to find your words as he descended on you---his strides slow but covering much more distance than your quick, short legs could as you scurried backwards away from him. Once he reached grabbing distance from you, preparing his cuffs as his large hand gripped your squishy bicep, you managed to squeak out, "but what did I do?" as he dragged you to him.

For a moment, he haulted his actions, holding you against him and taking in your genuinely perplexed, even fearful expression. Had you really not known what you were doing?

"You're trespassing on restricted grounds.", he clarified.

Your face paled.

"...I am?", you asked, panic rising to your throat.

He nodded sternly, "These grounds are property of the city, common folk are not allowed to enter without licensed permission,", he leaned over slightly to peer into your basket, "even if it is just to pick tulips.".

Your mouth fell open as you looked between your basket and Wriothesley, whose intimidating attention on you was beginning to make you feel suffocated. All you could manage to come up with in your anxious brain frog was, "Oh...". Your mind was screaming---you couldn't go to Meropide, not over this!

The clear horror and confusion in your eyes, paired with how you'd begun to shake in his grip stilled him. Normally, this is when criminals would start pleading for their freedom, making bribes to circumvent the law, but you just froze like a deer in headlights.

From where he stood, it appeared that you'd been knowingly stealing properly-grown-goods from a city-owned field with the possible intent to sell them; but the innocent expression on your face told him otherwise. If selling your stolen goods was truly was your intent, you wouldn't relinquish them without a price. So he decided to run a little test.

"Maybe, if you offered me those tulips, I could look the other way.".

He braced for your bartering, your indignance or anger...

...what he didn't expect was your forlorn expression; how your eyes became heavy as you looked down at your flowers, your poor lip quivering as you held out your basket for him to take without hesitation.

A criminal wouldn't relinquish their goods so readily, and they definitely wouldn't look so broken hearted over something they'd merely stolen.

No, these flowers were special to you.

In any other case, he wouldn't have hesitated or cared about motives when prosecuting a trespasser...but something about you moved him.

His hand gingerly covered yours and pushed your basket back to your chest.

"I can see these are important to you, and you have no ill-intent, but you're still breaking the law by coming here.", he looked dissapointed---you were a perfectly good person, and you'd looked so happy before he showed up; you didn't deserve this.

You quickly nodded, hope in your eyes as you squeezed your basket tighter, "I'm sorry! I won't come back!".

The duke let out a long sigh, but nodded---satisfied with your answer. He felt guilty for ruining your fun, he hadn't known you'd get so scared over something so minor. He wished he'd handled you more delicately. "Don't go taking anything else from the field...but you can keep the flowers you picked. I won't tell.".

There was hesitation in your eyes as you looked up at him cautiously, "...you're sure?".

"Of course. I couldn't deprive you of something you clearly love so much.". Though his words were kind, his stern expression did not leave his face---maintaining his rough law-man exterior so as not to look soft in the face of crime.

"Thank you..." you said, your voice almost like a whisper as you touched the soft petals of the flowers you'd nurtured to full growth, then looked back at the rest of your field sorrowfully. This was a goodbye to your project---to the little respite you'd made for youself outside the city.

His eyebrows furrowed, you looked like your house had just burnt to the ground before your eyes. There had to be something he was missing.

"...if I may ask, why would you risk trespassing in a restricted area just to pick flowers? Did you think you wouldn't get caught? Or did you just not care about the rules?", you felt the rumble of his gruff voice in your chest---having just realized you were still pressed right up against him.

You looked down bashfully, half from your proximity to the dashing, rugged gentleman, and the other half from the admission you were about to make.

"...I wasn't aware this area was restricted...I'd actually planted this garden quite a while ago. I've been coming back every day to care for it ever since.". You were nervous that the details of your situation that you were disclosing might get you into greater trouble, but you couldn't just leave your garden with no one to care for it---at least if you're honest, the city might hire someone to nurture it in your stead, rather than just leaving it to die.

If you looked closely, you could see a twinkle of realization in the duke's eyes, though he masked it well.

"...I see...", not only did you not intend to tresspass, you weren't actually stealing either. All of this garden, save for the ground it is planted on, belongs to you. "I'm willing to make an exception for you, but in the future, make sure you're aware of the laws and regulations before you enter a restricted area.".

You nodded obidiently, something Wriothesley approved of in criminals, but made his heart twinge with guilt seeing a person with good intentions like you comply out of intimidation.

"I understand, sir. I'll vacate immediately."

You'd begun to step away from him, but he easily pulled you back, drawing your concerned gaze. You wondered if there was something else you had to do to right your mistake; was he going to have you tear up your beloved garden as well? That would truly devastate you.

He was quiet for a moment as he looked on at your lush garden and weighed his decision in his mind. Then, he looked back down into your innocent, breathtakingly adorable eyes and spoke, "...you may continue your gardening as long as you don't expand it. Don't go past the tilled land.", he pointed the boundary out to you, "Understand?".

His eyes widened as he met your gaze once again; he didn't think your eyes could get any prettier, but the way they glittered in excitement had his heart doing summersaults---and your pleased smile filled him with a sense of accomplishment.

You nodded gratefully, it was like he'd just given you the world, "I understand. Thank you so much for letting me keep it."

With that, he nodded curtly, then turned to leave; he didn't want to bother you more than he already had.

But before he could exit the grounds, you piped up, "...would you like to see what else I'm growing?".

You'd caught him by surprise; he slowly turned back to face you, taking a moment to process the question, before nodding, "Sure. Love to.". That sense of accomplishment once again bloomed in his chest as his simple agreement to be given a tour of your project brought the brightest smile to your face.

You quickly ushered him over, looping your arm through his to tote him from destination to destination; pointing out the various plants you'd been growing and telling him about each and every one.

"These are cherry heirloom tomatoes; they're a little more citrussy and sweet than regular tomatoes, and obviously, they're teeny. I like putting them in salads.", you picked one off the vine and held it up for him to try. He inspected it for a moment, before cleaning it on his shirt and popping it into his mouth. His eyes lit up as the taste hit him---these were really good. Better than anything he could buy at the market, that's for sure. You continued on with your little tour, "This is lavender---it smells wonderful.".

He chuckled at your interesting collage of plants, "the tomatoes I can understand, but what's with the lavender?", he didn't find much point in growing anything inedible in a garden.

The sun perfectly illuminated your rosy cheeks and cheerful smile as you beamed up at him, "The smell helps me sleep, and sometimes I like to dry bundles of it and give them away as gifts.".

His expression once again became thoughtful and judicial before he replied, "If you have trouble sleeping, then by all means, grow as much lavender as you want. But you can't go giving them out to the public.". He felt guilty for suddenly imposing all these rules onto your passion project, but it was his job to maintain order. You didn't oppose, only nodded in understanding.

"Ok, I won't give any away...", you reached down and picked a few vibrant purple, fully bloomed sprigs, then sinched them together with a little roll of twine you keep in your gardening basket, "...but would it be ok if I gave you some?". You outstretched you hand to him, head tilted as your eyes almost begged him to take the gift.

You were such a sweetheart.

"...you don't have to, but if you really want to give me some lavender, you can..." he carefully took the bundle from your outstretched hand---his fingers brushing yours in a way that made your cheeks turn pink, "I won't refuse.". Your eyes widened in surprise when he flashed you a wolffish grin, this was the first time his stoic expression broke. You were dazzled.

You found yourselves admiring one another in silence; you were infatuated with his smile, he was infatuated with your kind, gentle expression. For a moment, it felt like both your hearts were beating as one---racing together through your chests...and you two were standing awfully close for strangers.

You'd lost yourself so completely in him, you didn't realize how long you'd been standing like that. Once you came to your senses, you shook your head right and looked away from him shyly as you found your words, "If you put it in a vase beside your bed, it'll help you fall asleep...".

He continued to admire you as his grin became a softer smile. No one had ever offered him lavender as a gift before, and your desire to help him sleep peacefully touched him, even though it wasn't a problem he struggled with.

"Thank you. You really didn't have to do that."

The duke's mind was practically spinning with new emotions. You were pretty, sure, but your sweet nature, your compulsion for compassion, your friendliness to someone who is not only a stranger, but had nearly been an assailant not too long ago, reached deeply into him and practically claimed his heart just as you had claimed this garden.

It was yours now---because of what you cultivated in it.

Your smile really couldn't get more wonderful, but the doting look you gave him made him sigh contentedly.

"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to! You've been so generous with me, I want to be generous with you too..."

Wriothesley, who had never been in love before, wouldn't have guessed that a single meeting with a stranger could make him fall so hard. He had only just met you, but he felt like he'd been searching for you forever, and in a way, that means he's already known you longer than anyone else.

If he could stay in this garden with you forever, he would, but he had important duties that demanded his attention. Regretably, he had to take his leave.

He flashed you one last charming smile before parting with you.

"Thank you...I won't forget this.".

He felt like he had to assure you; like promising he'd keep them was promising he wasn't going to let you go. He cherished the grateful smile you gave him, and with one last wave, he departed.

...he'd have to patrol this area more often.

[vanwritesfan-fiction]

Intention

Joe puts his foot in his mouth when he says that sex distracts him from being his best on the field, and you make him pay for it in ways that he didn't expect.

Warnings: language, smut, a little harmless arguing, angst

A/N: This didn't turn out very Valentine's themed lol but enjoy!

You felt Joe's large hand on your waist, his fingers digging into your skin as he nestled his face in the crook of your neck. You looked at him through the vanity mirror as he placed gentle kisses along your neck and shoulder. You felt his hard chest muscles against your back as he pressed his body into yours, gently swaying back and forth.

"Good Morning, baby. Happy Birthday." He placed a small velvet box down on the corner of the sink. You brushed your nails over the top, feeling the soft fabric beneath your fingertips. Your stomach flipped as you thought of saying something, getting all of your frustrations out with your boyfriend, but words always seemed to fall short with Joe. He was a man of action, and the only thing he understood were moves made with intention. You tapped the box one more time before going back to putting your makeup on in the mirror.

"You remembered." It wasn't a question, simply a statement of notice.

"Of course I remembered. How could I forget your birthday?" He watched your face through the mirror, his brow knitted together as you tipped your head to the side. "Birthdays seem like a distraction."

Joe let out a small grunt as you shoved him off of you and walked out of the bathroom. "I thought you were over this." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he followed you into the closet. "Over what?"

"Don't make me say it. I really didn't want to bring this up on your birthday." You let your silk robe slip off of your shoulders and onto the floor, exposing your bare ass to Joe. He bit his bottom lip hard at the sight, resisting every instinct he had to reach out and grab you. "Joe, I have no idea what you're talking about." You put all of your focus on getting dressed for the day. He watched as you slipped on one of his favorite pair of your panties, a white lace pair that had a small bow at the back of the waistband.

"Baby...", he flexed his jaw as he contemplated his next move. He could swallow his pride and beg for forgiveness, but he had respect for himself, and he knew that would only turn you off. "I just think you misunderstood what I meant."

You turned on you heels quickly to face him, snapping the strap of your matching white lace bra on your shoulder. "See that's where you're wrong, Joey." You knew that nickname annoyed him when anyone but his mom called him that. "I understood you completely. You need to be in the zone so you can perform on the field, and sex, sex with me specifically, if I remember your wording, is a distraction."

You always respected Joe and how seriously he took his career but it seemed like ever since you moved in together, you were getting to see another side of him, one that you didn't particularly like. At first you chalked it up to him being superstitious, if a bit persnickety about his lifestyle. He had routines that he had to stick to, specific ways he liked to spend his days before and after a game, and sometimes you felt like you were just getting in the way.

The only place you knew he could relax was in the bedroom. Sex with Joe was fantastic, always had been. He was attentive and passionate, a side that no one else got to see but you. It made you feel incredibly close to him, and for the longest, you could convince yourself that the face he put on for the world was just to protect himself, and you knew the real him.

When he rejected your advances one night a couple days ago, you immediately began to doubt yourself. He gave you the excuse that he was tired, and you definitely wanted to respect that, but this was the first time you'd seen him all week, and usually he would be all over you the minute he got home. You pressed for an explanation out of desperation, a couple of quips quickly turned into a full blown argument, and finally you pulled the truth out of him.

"I need to focus on my game and I can't do that if you're constantly throwing yourself at me!" It was as if you could actually see the weight lift off his chest as he stood in front of you, teeming with anger. "I'm sorry", he let out an exasperated sigh as he raked his finger though his blonde locks, trying to call his breathing. "but you're distracting me. You're a distraction. I'm sorry to say it, but you are."

You couldn't hide the hurt on your face if you wanted to, tears stinging your eyes. You didn't want to be a distraction, you wanted to be the one place that Joe could always come back to, no matter what was going on. It hurt a lot more than you ever thought it could hearing him say that. "Okay, I'm sorry." You dropped your gaze to your feet, giving him small nods. "I'm sorry for pushing you."

"Baby I-". Joe felt immediate guilt as you looked at him through your tears. You held up a hand to stop him. "I'm gonna sleep in the guest room." You felt incredibly small as you walked away from him, wiping a stray tear that rolled down your cheek.

When he approached you the next day with apologies and a promise that he didn't mean a word he said, and he was just in over his head with his career right now, you were quick to forgive him. Only distractions were slow to forgive apologies, dragging on what could be resolved so quickly, and you were anything but a distraction. You put on your best smile, and allowed things to fall into place and go back the way they were, just how Joe liked it.

Joe traveled to Tennessee that week under the pretense that everything was fine between the two of you, and for the most part they were. You weren't vindictive in the slightest, but you did know how to keep your promises, and if sex was a distraction to Joe when he was trying to focus on football, you were not going to stand in his way.

You went to the bed the night before your birthday fully intending to continue on as if nothing was bothering you, but when you woke up that morning, you just couldn't. You couldn't hide how hurt you were by Joe's confession. Standing in front of him as you got dressed just confirmed it for you. Joe didn't think he did anything wrong, and for that reason alone, you weren't going to get an apology.

You closed the clasp on the necklace Joe gave you for Christmas around your neck. "I'm going to brunch with my parents." You tucked your purse underneath your arms and slipped on a few of your favorite delicate rings.

"I can get dressed in five minutes, if you wanna wait for me downstairs." You stopped him from leaving, patting his chest a couple of times with a small smile. "Don't worry, I told them you were busy. They aren't expecting you to show up."

Joe expected you back a couple hours later, so he waited for you at home, keeping himself busy with getting your birthday dinner together. He pulled out all the stops even before this fight happened, planning for a private chef to cook you your favorite meal, working with a sommelier to ship in your favorite wine from Italy that you discovered on a trip their together. He even put on a suit, even though he hated dressing up to his core, and waited for you.

Two hours turned into four, four into six, and soon you'd been gone all day, the sun setting on the dinner that was now getting cold.

Joe left you what must have been thirty calls and just as many texts, all left unreturned and unanswered. He called your parents, but they hadn't seen you since you left brunch.

He was about to send out a search party when you finally came home, shopping bags filling both of your hands.

"Where have you been?", Joe asked as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers. "Out", you replied plainly. "Time just got away from me, I guess."

You stopped in front of the dining room, taking in the incredibly sweet gesture that was now a pitiful display, the candles more than halfway burnt through, wax dripping on to the tablecloth. "This is very sweet of you." Your tone suggested otherwise, deadpan and not the least bit sincere. "A distraction, but still, very sweet. I'm gonna take a shower." You dropped the bags by the dining table, not even looking in Joe's direction.

Joe wasn't stupid, he just took things at face value, so when you said you forgave him, he truly thought you forgave him, but he should have known better. He could still vividly remember the hurt on your face during your fight, and the guilt still hadn't left him, but he was hoping the time would heal this, and things would go back to the way they were, as if the argument never happened. He needed to fix this.

He heard the water running when he entered the bedroom, shedding his suit jacket and stripping down to his boxers before he entered the bathroom.

Steam billowed out of the top of the shower stall, and he could make out your figure behind the fogged up glass as he stepped in behind you. You closed your eyes, allowing the hot water to run over your face and body. You didn't have the energy to fight right now, so you stayed quiet as you felt his hands grab at your waist, pulling you in close. His touch felt like heaven. It wasn't as if you wanted to stay away from him, and the distance was killing you.

You fell into his hold as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder blade, his lips lingering against your skin. You tipped your head to the side, exposing your neck to him. "I'm sorry", he mumbled against your neck. You nodded, keeping your eyes closed. "I know. I already forgave you." His hands spread wide as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in tight to his chest.

"I owe you more than one apology." He turned you to face him, the water pounding against your back as you looked up at him. "I'm sorry for even making you think for a second you were anything but the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was a fucking idiot for saying you were a distraction." You pushed the wet hair that fell in his face back.

"I get that you're under a lot of stress, but you can come to me with anything. We're on the same team." You watched the floor as a droplet of water fell from the tip of your nose. "I know, I'm sorry." You looked back up at Joe with a smile. "Stop apologizing. I forgive you. For real this time." He barely got out a chuckle before you crashed your lips with his, your hands finding the back of his head as Joe deepened the kiss, pressing you against the shower wall. You could barely breathe, but you couldn't care less in the moment.

You broke apart, letting out a short gasp as you felt his hands travel towards your mound, his thumb easily finding your clit, and drawing slow circles around it. You were so desperate, so hungry, you could feel your orgasm building only seconds after.

Joe let out a sharp breath through his nostrils as you began to stroke the head of his cock. He instinctively pressed his pelvis against your lower stomach when you didn't let up, keeping an even pace. Your hand traveled up and down his entire length, and he could already feel himself self start to come undone.

"Stop", he huffed out, "stop, please." You did as he asked, watching his eyes darken with lust as he kissed you again, pulling at your bottom lip with his teeth. "You want this as much as I do right now?"

"Yes", you moaned out, and Joe made quick movement out of wrapping your left leg around his waist, holding you steady with one hand, while he moved to line his cock up at your entrance with his other hand, teasing you as he drug the tip of his dick up and down through your folds before slowly pushing himself inside.

You shivered as you felt the water temperature change for a split second, whimpering as he pushed himself all the way to the hilt. "You okay?", he asked without ever looking up. You could only nod as you placed your hands on his shoulders, letting out another moan as he slowly began to rock his hips back and forth into you.

Your entire body was on fire as he quickened his pace, the angle brushing against your g-spot with each stroke. "Right there, don't stop." You knocked your head back in pleasure, closing your eyes, feeling Joe's hand dig into your hip as he felt the warmth pool in his stomach, already close to his orgasm. He could feel his knees grow week, but his pace never faltered, thrusting into you with all of his strength.

"Fuck-fu- don't stop", your mouth hung open as you pulled him closer, Joe burying his face into your neck as you cradled his head, your fingernails scratching at his scalp. You could feel his chest vibrate against your body as he took in ragged breaths, unable to control his thrusts, his hips staggering.

One final slam of his hips and you felt the coil in your core snap, every muscle tensing in your body before you released, your orgasm radiating throughout your entire body. "Fuck, I'm cumming", Joe slammed a hand against the wall by your head as you pulled him deeper and deeper with each pulse of your pussy. He stuttered, his legs shaking as he came inside of you.

He let your leg slowly drop towards the ground, his hands moving to frame your face. "You're so beautiful, truly the best thing to ever happen to me."

"I know", you replied with a cocky grin, making Joe chuckle.

You were drying your hair with a towel at the vanity, when he walked up behind you, hiding his face in your neck, just as he did that morning. This time, you felt nothing but bliss, a smile forming on your face. "Let's try this again", Joe chuckled, placing the small velvet box on the corner of the sink, exactly where he'd put it before. "Happy Birthday, baby."

You looked at the box before looking up at him again. He felt his heart skip a beat at the face you gave him, a mixture of anger and sadness. He backed away, concerned. "What's wrong?"

You quickly broke your façade, giving him a genuine smile. "Nothing, I was just messing with you." You reached for the box, but Joe was quicker, snatching it away from you. "Now you're not getting anything. I'm gonna save this for your next birthday." He ran into the bedroom and you ran after him.

"Joe, I'm sorry! I was just joking. Please give me my present!"

Tag-List:

@wonderlandiswhereitsatyo

@bernelflo

@wickedfun9

@brrbrina

@zobellagio

@tallrock35

[nat20composure]

Astarion and Agency- The Necessity of Discomfort to Self Discovery and the Infantilization of Victims

Minor Astarion discourse ahead that mentions the treatment of SA victims post-abuse:

I want to open this post up just with like. The statement that I don't think there is a correct way to enjoy media and that I LOVE to see individual head cannons and takes on characters in media. I think that is also, to a degree, an integral part of video games because of how unique the experience of playing a game will be to every person who plays it. But it has been making me feel so incredibly sad looking through fan content, art, or discourse for BG3 specifically because of how many people have taken the route of infantilizing Astarion.

I understand the instinct to shield or protect an individual that you love and care for. I also understand that because of the nature of the things that Astarion goes through, a lot of people also feel very deep emotional stakes in him. I'm one of the many fans of the character who is a victim of SA and CSA, I really do get it. That is also why for me personally it is so demoralizing to watch so many people treat him like he is a child who cannot make his own decisions or stand up for himself. Part of that frustration stems from it feeling like a media literacy issue, and the other part of that sense of defeat is just because it feels indicative of a broader attitude that people seem to hold towards victims of abuse, particularly those who are victims of SA.

To explain what I mean by people infantilizing him: I see so many people refuse to allow him the opportunity to be hurt, or to feel uncomfortable. They see this character who has been through an immensely horrible and traumatic experience, and their instinct is to try and shield him from anything else that has the potential to upset him. I get that the people who want that aren't doing it with malicious intent, but frankly it is not really...Helpful? To try and prevent victims from Experiencing Discomfort tm. I also think it kind of disregards the entire thesis of Astarion's character and arc.

When you go through something that robs you of your selfhood and agency, the world can become a crushingly terrifying place. In Astarion, that fear presents itself in a desperation for power, control, and at the core of both of these desires- Safety. One thing the game is clear about is that he has a right to kill his abuser. He has a right to escape his situation. A lot of Astarion's personal arc is centered around being able to finally do that. But the game doesn't just leave it off at getting him to safety. So much of it is also about him needing to take responsibility for himself and his actions, with needing to learn who he as a person is.

The inclusion of the Gur children and Sebastian as characters is a good example of ways in which the game gives Astarion the opportunity to take responsibility. I think that if the intention of the arc was meant to be that "Astarion should never ever have to deal with being afraid or uncomfortable again", then the Ascended arc wouldn't Come with such heavy moral ramifications, like sacrificing the other people just like him, killing the victims he lured in, literal child murder. The game infers that he doesn't deserve to die because of the things he Needed to do to survive, but it also makes it very clear that there is a difference between addressing an Active Threat and using your fear as an excuse to hurt others. Breaking that cycle of abuse when he finally gets the chance to is what separates Spawn Astarion from Cazador.

Taking responsibility for himself, and letting himself sit in the discomfort of vulnerability ultimately ends up being a thing that he is very proud of and cherishes. If you tell him you will make sure nothing like that ever again he himself says that he doesn't want you to be his protector. And so it blows my mind when people go into all of these discussions about Astarion with this...Weird moral high ground for never, ever making or letting him make choices that might hurt him?

I see this the most when it comes to discussions about the possible polyamorous relationship with Halsin and the interaction with the drow twins in the brothel. So many people are just...outright angry? At other people engaging with either of those options? And I feel like that anger is one) rooted in the projection of their Own feelings on non-monogamy and what a victim of SA can or cannot look like. and two) Relies on undermining the agency that Astarion BEGS you for at every turn.

When it comes to the drow twins, the game adapts Astarion's response to them based on where he is in his own personal development (a really cool thing imo). Obviously, if he still doesn't feel good or safe about engaging with sex he declines and says you can feel free, though he hopes you aren't just doing it because he hasn't had sex with you. I think this makes sense: He's just gotten out of a situation where his Safety and worth were directly tied to him having sex. I imagine he feels afraid that not wanting to have sex with you makes him replaceable or inadequate because at this point in the game, he feels like that's all he has to offer. The interaction is relatively the same if you ask him for a poly amorous relationship with Halsin: He just asks you to reassure him that you aren't only doing it because he hasn't had sex with you, and then tells you he isn't worried about it otherwise.

A lot of people have taken the expression of that insecurity in combination with him still allowing you to go forward and do these things as him just "sucking it up" because he's afraid of losing you. (I am aware Shadowheart says he wouldn't be able to handle it when you ask her if you can date both of them- But keep in mind, Astarion says she wouldn't be able to either, and THAT obviously isn't true of her. For the purposes of this discussion I'm only including interactions with Astarion as a judgement of his character.) I understand that concern, but I feel this take disregards so many other points of dialogue, and is also continually rooted in the baseline vilification of discomfort.

To further go into it, the way that he speaks about both of these interactions changes significantly if you speak to him about it once he is completely free from Cazador, and has had time to allow himself to start reconnecting with himself and his sexuality on his terms. He has absolutely No reservations about an open or poly relationship with Halsin, and says he trusts that things will be ok because he one) feels secure in Your relationship and two) Knows Halsin is experienced and trusts him to not be a messy bitch about it.

I think that shift, in combination with the in game explanation of why he isn't ok with being in that sort of relationship with the other Origin Characters (for Lae'zel and Wyll, he says they'd never agree to that. For Shadowheart, he says she's not experienced with open relationships and that he doesn't think it'd work out. For Karlach, that it would break her heart. And for Gale, he says you need standards.) is a pretty good indicator that he doesn't actually care about polyamory or monogamy. I think the vilification of that choice relies on you picking and choosing when you do or do not believe Astarion or just outright not liking non-monogamy in the first place. This interaction has more to do with the player's choice and comfort level, and so is not as important to the broader discussion I am trying to have in this post.

The interaction that is more pertinent to not Allowing him to make decisions is, I think, the drow twins. If you interact with the drow twins after the completion of the Cazador questline, he is outright giddy at the prospect of interacting with the Drow twins. Specifically stating that he is excited to see how he likes these sorts of things now that he's free.

NOW- I do NOT think that he enjoys the act. The game makes that abundantly clear, and I'm not arguing that he has a great time. He obviously does not, and dissociates during it. That being said, allowing this interaction to happen does not make a player evil or selfish. You are not playing the hero if you decide to moderate his choices just because you do not think he is ready for it. Once again, no one is evil for Not doing it either, and I am not saying anybody has to want to. I am just saying that treating this choice like it is an evil choice to make relies on completely disregarding what He wants to do.

Astarion says so many times in the game that he is anxious about finally having the freedom to find out what he wants to do, and I think that his excitement for the drow twin exchange is one of the opportunities the game gives him to make a choice. He makes that choice- And it sucks for him. He doesn't enjoy the act, and having done it he would be able to move forward knowing that. I think it's really cool and important that the game represents that facet of recovering as a victim. While you are trying to renavigate who you are, you are going to make a million new choices you never had before. And sometimes those choices are going to suck ass. It would be a different matter if he knew these things would hurt him and went ahead and did them anyway. But so many people expect him to move forward avoiding even the Potential of being hurt, and I think that is extremely reductive of his arc and who he is.

Beyond the matter of interpersonal relationships, the choice between Ascending or not Ascending Astarion is not a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. It is a choice between his fear and his humanity. Between letting his trauma and his fear define him for the rest of his immortal life, and allowing him the vulnerability of deciding who he is when he isn't running from the world. When he's willing to listen to the parts of himself that want to do right, that wants meaningful connection, that wants to be proud of himself. That wants to meet himself. To confront who he is when someone else isn't deciding that for him.

Astarion as a character is extremely ambitious, inquisitive, and adventurous, three traits that only become more and more evident as he breaks free from letting his own fear dictate how he lives his life. I don't understand how so many people can see him and want to take the core of his character away from him, when he spends the entire game fighting desperately to take it back.

Victims are not casts of the abuse they have gone through. Their shapes may be changed by the hands of others, they may have to relearn how to be the person they want to be. But they are not broken or irreparable or fragile. They do not need to be freed from the grip of one person to be held tight in the grip of another. It is so fucking unfair and self-important to think that your hands will be the ones that fix them. That your hands know better than theirs. I think the kindest thing you can do for a person is to trust them with themselves, and to listen when they tell you who they are and what they want. Please listen to the voices that have only just learned to speak. It is the only way they can get better at doing it.

[absolutebl]

Pit Babe - it's time for a Trash Watch!

I had to. Well, no I didn't, but COME ON. It's like Thailand is negging me. Let's burn rubber, shall we? Burn rubbers...?

The things I had been told going in about this show:

it's about car racing (this bores me)

it stars Pavel (my BL ult bias, he is my icon for a reason)

it started as an omegaverse y-novel but the A/B/O aspects would be stripped from the BL series

it's high heat

(There some chatter about whether point 3 was a mistranslation of something the author said, but don't bother me with trifles.)

Here's a definition of omegaverse:

Omegaverse, also known as A/B/O (alpha/beta/omega), is a subgenre of speculative erotic fiction, and originally a subgenre of erotic slash fan fiction. Its premise is that a dominance hierarchy exists in humans, which are divided into dominant "alphas", neutral "betas", and submissive "omegas".[1] This hierarchy determines how people interact with one another in romantic, erotic and sexual contexts.[2] (Wikipedia)

In my experience and opinion, omegaverse archetypes and tropes are often used to strip out female characters (and The Feminine) and as a tool to excuse extreme hyper-masculine behaviors without a critical feminist lens (leading to lazy characterization). Just as heat is an excuse to get nkd quickly, A/O/B is often an excuse for taboo and dubious consent actions and behaviors. Do I get why writers/readers enjoy it? Yes I do. Do I personally like it? Not particularly. (Although there are always exceptions.)

Putting all that aside, the above represents my foundational knowledge before Pit Babe started.

Oh and that the familiar BL faces appearing in this show were follows:

Pavel Naret (aka Pavel Phoom) from 2 Moons 2 & Coffee Melody - Pavel is a fluent English speaker, a bit of a drama monger, and a motorcycle rider/car-dude, this role suits him

Nut Supanut from Oxygen & Something in My Room - has an amazing voice, his somewhat wooden acting has improved steadily since Oxygen

Pon Thanapon - one of Star Hunter's stable first seen in the Gen Y series (where he stole the appeal of an intended pair), also v good in Make a Wish, I wish he'd get a lead role as he has a likable screen presence

Pop Pataraphol from La Cuisine - he's playing the Alpha rival and I'm not convinced he's suited to this role

Michael Kiettisak from Love Sick, Oxygen, Call it What You Want, Till the World Ends - playing the comic relief this time rather than his usual tortured stoic... huh

All the rest are either fresh faces or older experienced actors. Interesting mix. They must have some money behind this.

And now, get out your marshmallows! The dumpster is on fire! Let's start the roast.

Episode 1 - Platypus, Pickles, Pavel, & other Smoking Hot Problems

This first segment told with a 4 day retrospect, because I decided to do a trash watch only after @aliceisathome said I should.

My initial reaction:

the sheer audacity of Thailand being like "PitBabe is not omegaverse" and then serving "Alpha" to us on a platter in the first sex scene is

how dare

but also

what the actual fuck is going on? what world are we living in where a/b/o is LIVE ACTION ON OUR SCREENS?

we getting heat, knotting & mpreg next?

apparently this is my reality now

I'm not sure what weird quantum time stream I've jumped into but someone was all,

yes the whole world is hella screwed, but also...

Thailand has decided live action mm fanfic is gonna win it the culture wars

and I'm beginning to think they may be right

BL is now the platypus of the film industry

4 days later:

Considering how much chatter this caused there's a part of me that wondered if it was all intentional and a marketing ploy (to say it wasn't omegaverse when obviously it is). In which case... brilliant Machiavellian tactics, production.

But Thai studios are rarely this calculated in their promo. So I think it's all accidental. But it certainly caused a raucous few days on Tumblr.

On a completely different note, Babe's house looks like it started life as a particularly inventive Olive Garden. Or is that just me?

More random thoughts:

Pavel has had work done, why honey? You were the definition of perfect.

The smell thing is great, I love stuff to do with scent and necks. If omegaverse brings this to the table, fine. But...

Being all Alpha perfect butch manly man = I do not like Babe at all, I kinda want him to be brought down a peg. (Woo... pegging!) I never like narratives that glorify the captain of the football team (side eyes Cdrama CEO romances and Love O2O), Babe better have depth and damage (forget the pegging) of some kind or his behavior will get old FAST, faster than he drives (also, forget the pegging idea)

Nut is ideal in the Beta role. I mean, that's Way's character right? We all can see that. If it's not intentional, it's a miscast. I love how soft he is as as screen presence. He's great in this part.

None of the other characters are sticking out to me yet, but I'm prepared to love the side dishes in this, please make them swoon worthy!

I'm glad they didn't hold the Charlie = trickster reveal off, I like knowing he is a double agent up front.

Finally, with respect to an adequate trash watch, I'm in a pickle.

How am I going to drink for this show when there is so much else airing on Frigay? I can't keep track, if I'm drunk.

I need a strategy for this trash fire if the puns and snark are to spout forth! (HA Fourth!)

Controlled burn?

Anygay, see you all next week.

Episode 2 - Side Dish Addiction + Second Lead Syndrome are both infecting me at once

[FYI I gotta have my backup computer to watch this so that's why Imma sometimes be delayed getting the trash out to the curb.]

3 minutes! 3 minutes in and I needed to pause and wax snarkful. (Ouch, bet that hurts. Is waxing snark similar to a Brazilian but for BL? Is that why they all so hairless in The Sign?... I digress, where was I?)

Okay so the subber said Daddy but I don't think that word means what they think it means. Because Way said simply nong paa.

Usually they'll use the English word Daddy (pronounced Dah-deee) for, ya know, Actual Daddies (tm).

Wait wait:

Calling Daddy Actual

(My dumb sci-fi loving arse will see myself out the back before I start drawing Battlestar Galactica = Pit Babe connections. TOO FAR ABL. Too far.)

Look, I like the tension in this show. It's good to set up an unlikeable Alpha dog and then immediately turn him into an underdog, makes him a bit more likable. I still don't like Babe, but now at least I'm on his side.

Charlie = cute but v sus. Fortunately for him, Babe = cute but v thick.

Everyone calls Charlie Babe's dek. Yes sounds a bit like what you think but also means kid/child and SHOULD be translated as boy in this show. Why doesn't the subber get that? They a sub...ber after all. (I'll see myself out.)

Honestly, the script writers might know what they are doing with abo but our eng sub translator sadly does NOT. I'm so glad this is coming now in my BL watching life. When my ear and knowledge of Thai is so much better than it once was. Others much be SO CONFUSED.

Snicker. They just fucking with us, but it's fun to watch the mpeg speculation abound.

File this one under: Thailand's trouble with ESL plurals and also "you should have Pavel helping with these subs" sweethearts.

Production knows entirely what it's doing with this show and its omegaverse shizz (even if the subber doesn't) and I am very much enjoying the online carnage that results.

This dumpster fire continues off screen into the blogosphere and I continue to roast things over it.

Meanwhile, hi Pon! You so adorable! When you gonna lead out a BL for us?

Is Idol Factory stealing all of Star Hunter's talent? Are they the Red Racers of the BL world? These are the questions I ask myself as I watch this.

Is that AGE GAP I smell before me?

Is the 20 yr old college kid meant for the pit boss? Cause you all know I am a slut for age gaps.

Moment of a/b/o: Jeff's fear of touch/heightened personal space would be a plot marker for "baby doesn't want Alphas close cause he smells like an omega" but of course this show it not omegaverse. Not omegaverse at all.

nuh-uh

Linguistic corner!

Lung (sounds a bit like loo) is uncle(ish) it means basically a male relation older than phi. So Alan is the oldest in the crew.

Alan calls Jeff nu (which the subber translated as boy I would have gone with cutie or little one). Nu is a diminutive affectionate term that's technically gender neutral but is most often used by/on cute girls/women. Jeff did NOT like it. Then Alan sort of dodges through pronouns/particles settling on phi for I, ger for you, and ja for a particle. This is interesting because ger & ja kinda lower his age and status into a casual sphere. Not more intimate more equal to jeff... fascinating.

I love the new "Korean" red racer, he drinks my brand of soy milk. He is now my baby snake in the grass.

Get it? Snake.

He and Babe should end up together.

The fight wasn't bad, do both actors have kickbox training in their backgrounds?

Who am I kidding, I care only about Uncle Alan and Nu Jeff now. All others are irrelevant to me.

Also...

WHERE IS A BOY FOR WAY?!!! Or a Daddy. I do not care. (Methinks nether does he.)

I am now captain of the Way Appreciation Society. Let's all find a way... to get him some dick.

Also the BTS stingers are tons of fun. Looks like the set was a blast.

Finally, and I mean this kindly. Why isn't Noh Phouluang in this? He should have been cast as Winner. Bah. I'm biased.

But one should be with Noh.

Episode 3 - Side Dishes Delux

Gayest bridge n Thailand has made its obligatory appearance.

How much do I love uncle & nu? They are SO damn cute. Also nu flustered is the best kind of nu.

I could not care less about Babe and Charlie. Except I do love the smell thing.

Way will break my heart by getting his broken. He is right tho.

Tra la la. I feel like this is a bit like KP 2.0.

Charlie is a such a princess (and ace manipulator). Good thing Babe clearly likes being buttered up.

Babe's backstory was more interesting than I expected, I didn't think we would go so far into the paranormal side of a/b/o. I like it and I hope they lean into it quite a bit more. Make it part of the plot.

Unlike the kissing thing which seems to have been gotten over rather quickly.

I gotta say I'm enjoying the corporate sponsorship jockeying and tension more than I thought I would. I'm curious as to who Jef and Charlie are working for and what their motivation is. The plot itself is keeping me intrigued and that is rare for me with BL.

So no trash talk this ep, I was largely absorbed and entertained. I didn't event need booze. Shocking behavior on my part.

#giveWayaboy2023

Episode 4 - I (who never ship) am shipping the impossible

Here’s the thing. I just want this to be a better story than it is. Right now it’s kind of like a soap opera. I don’t hate lakorn, I really don't. To Sir With Love is a glorious chewing of the diamanté scenery (completed with death glitter). But...

If this is gonna be a soap opera it needs to lean into the messy side more than the tailored high concept side. Support characters and evil needs more screen time.

Instead, right now, I don’t know where I am with this show because it doesn't know where it wants to be. I’m kind of dangling in the middle of a dirty situation. It’s uncomfortable for me, and the show feels uncomfortable for the performers. 

Also... I have questions.

Yes, of course I want to know what Charlie & Jeff are up to. Why can Jeff see the future?

But more importantly I NEED to know why Babe has a flying saucer bed?

That kind of lighting makes nobody look good, especially not at that angle. It’s very traumatic and I’m not wild about the shag rug either. I have concerns about Babe's taste. I guess is what I am saying. 

On a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT note:

There’s absolutely no chemistry to justify this, but I have decided that I am going to personally advocate for, and ship, Way and the interloping not-really-Korean. They are both sort of own-moral-code types. I have tiny crush on Kim, and Nut is the prettiest, and Way is Best Boy so there it is, I would like them to hook up, please & thank you.

#giveWay2Kim2023

Arrow guy is cute, too. Will we get to see him bone?

Is he going to be another one of the adopted alpha super-kid pets?

What the hell, throw Arrow Boy a bone! All hot boys in BLs deserve bones.

Plot thickens.

Hah.

Thickens.

(I am an immature idiot.)

Episode 5 - wait wait way-t, can arrow boy have Way?

Look, BLabies, I didn’t get any screen caps this episode because frankly there wasn’t anything worth capturing.

I guess Charlie really does love Babe? Very dramatic if idiotic saving from the burning car. But Babe has gone to the broken Alpha place of extremely unlikeablability (frankly he was almost there at the start). If I were Charles B Spectacled I would be OUT by now. 

Is that?

NO.

Don't get the plastic bowl.

No white towel sponge bath. Please kill this trope.  

I mean, it's not as bad as singing, but that's because NOTHING is as bad as singing in a Thai BL.

AND the main boys are back together.

I don’t find their relationship or Babe’s lack of senses a particularly interesting aspect of the plot.

Unless, of course, Babe is pregnant and that's why he lost his Alpha sniffer.

BUT I do love the sides.

Jeff = the introvert precog who can’t/wont do people and Alan = the extrovert people person who WANTS but doesn’t understand him. 

Were Jeff and Charlie ALSO raised by Evil Daddy MacEvilPants? 

I liked the way Arrow CEO & Way looked at each other. Way, hon, give up on Babe (he sucks) and get thyself a billionaire bf with great aim and BDE.

On a completely different note, the best thing about this show is the blooper reel. That thing with the green smoothie going down his pants was hilarious!

In conclusion, this was a green smoothie down the pants episode. I was entertained, and it’s probably gonna be good for the plot in retrospect, but it was kind of squishy and unpleasant at the time.

Episode 6 - Are they actually listening to us now? Is Tumblr bugged?

This was a fun ep full of like actual racing and shizz.

Whatever.

Charlie is on the team now. All the teams, apparently.

Can we talk about Jeff and Alan?

The apology scene! Did you hear that Alan dropped to chan/ger? Eeeee!!! So cute. (He equalized their relationship in a soft way.)

Get it with that language play hottie. Next up: lengua play.

Please & thank you. 

Meanwhile, as all of the Internet knows, they went fully in for omegaverse - no bars.

I have to say, one of the greatest typos (or whatever) in existence is enigma instead of omega.

That's where I personally would rank in the omegaverse.

Hello, my gender is... enigma.

 Apparently it's a/b/o and sometimes e!  Also sometimes switch-ee 

Oh I'm very proud of myself with that one.

Funfunfun

Charlie. Babes. When a man asks to be thrown up against the wall. You throw him against that wall.

OMG is that arrow boy looking at Way in the bar?

3 seconds later.

Noooo.

Wait come back.

Noooooo.

That’s what I actually want to watch! 

OMG. Who said nu was the first step to teelak?

I flipping love Alan. 

Ah the boyfriend ep. Thank you, but I still don't trust Charlie.

Poor Way.

But nice crying jag, and I don’t say that often in Thai BL.

Now let him go, Way.

A boy with his arrows is waiting. 

(source)

Note for the future: tumblr has a bug that stops allowing edits after a certain time/number, thus my full trash often occur in 2 segments as a result. Click on the "abl trash watches bl" tag for the full thing if you're reading this and later episodes are missing.

[gigabyte-flare]

There's No Escape (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: You find out the hard way what happens when Leon doesn't get what he wants, after all, actions have consequences, don't they?

Pairing: yandere!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader (afab)

Word Count: 4.8k

If any of the warnings below trigger you, please kindly pass on this fic 

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, actions depicted in this story are not condoned in real life; if you feel this way, please go touch grass

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL YEET YOU INTO THE GODDAMN SUN. Thank you!

Warnings (may not apply to all parts): Sex, gaslighting, swearing, stalking, acts of violence, blood, dubcon, kidnapping, pet names (baby, doll, angel, sweetheart, etc.), PTSD triggers, unprotected sex, forced breeding, daddy kink, manipulation, oral (m and f receiving), choking, overstimulation, knife play, gunplay, masterbation, drugging. Long story short, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT. More warnings may be added in the future

THIS PART CONTAINS EXPLICIT VIOLENCE AND GORE, READER'S DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Tags: @lipglossanon, @ghostkennedy, @hxllfiredoll, @nexyswrites, @ilookatlater, @shroomietrip, @dollrxst, @lomaeuwu (Shoot me a message or an ask if you want to be added to the list!)

A/N: Ok first off, I did not intend to make this part this long, but I was on a roll and the words just kept coming out (plus I wanted to get to the good stuff, you guys have waited long enough). Thank you again for all the support and love on this extremely self indulgent piece. I tried to proof read this one as best as I could without going cross eyed, so again, please excuse any grammatical errors. Enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You both sat in the living room of your apartment in silence. It was some ungodly hour in the morning, you didn’t bother to check. Neither of you could sleep. You both ensured that the front door was dead-bolted and all the windows were locked before settling into the living room. You couldn’t help but feel guilt wash over you as you silently cried. It was never your intention to drag Becky into this mess. You figured Leon would just move on. Clearly you were mistaken.

“Listen, Becky, I’m really sorry,” you say, your voice hoarse from crying.

“Sorry for what?”

“I put you in danger by moving in with you. If I knew Leon would be pulling this crap, I wouldn’t have come here.”

Becky let out a loud sigh, “we’re best friends. You would have done the same for me.”

You nod silently, bringing your knees to your chest and hugging them.

“What I can’t wrap my head around is how he figured out where you worked so fast. Clearly that ‘prank call’ the other day was him. What did you say he did for a living again?”

You swallow hard before answering, “he works for the gov--”

Your eyes widen. The word “government” flashes in your mind like a curse. How could you have been so stupid? It’s a wonder he hadn’t tracked you down sooner.

“He works for the what now?”

“The government.”

You both stare at each other, the silence deafening. 

“And… what exactly does he do for the government?”

“He’s some kind of special ops agent. Military training and all that…”

You watch Becky rub her face into her hands, exhaling loudly.

“Becky, I’m sorry…”

“It’s a miracle you’re not dead,” Becky’s muffled voice responds from under her hands before dropping them, “what the hell did you see in him anyway?”

“He was wonderful at first,” you reply, pulling out your phone and opening the photo gallery.

You scroll back to six months ago, when you and Leon first started dating. There were a million pictures of him and the two of you together. He wasn’t exactly smiling in the pictures, but you could tell he loved you. But, then, you notice subtle details in the photos; the way he was gripping your waist too tightly in one photo, his cold eyes in the next. There was one photo that stood out to you, he had you in a vice grip with one arm with his nose buried in your hair while you laughed. It was a candid photo but you couldn’t help but be unsettled by it now, given your current circumstances. This man was a walking red flag and you totally missed it. 

“Maybe I should move,” you suddenly say.

“Absolutely not!” Becky exclaims, “we’re in this together! It’s way too dangerous for you to be out there on your own!”

“What am I supposed to do?! It’s not like I can go to the police and be like ‘Hi yes? I have a trained government agent that’s stalking me’ now, can I? They’ll never believe me!”

Becky shook her head, “I don’t know what we’re going to do but we’ll figure out something. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Becky.”

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It was a bright, sunny day in Boston. You were coming out of the Dunkin’ Donuts right down the street from your apartment with a tray with two iced coffees as you made your way down the sidewalk. Your cellphone began to ring, you pulled it out to answer it.

Caller ID Unknown

You roll your eyes and reject the call. Before you even had a chance to put it back in your pocket, it began ringing again. The ID still said Caller ID Unknown. Again, you reject the call, but again, it immediately starts ringing. Annoyed now, you answer it. You hear a voice before you even have a chance to speak.

“Is one of those iced coffees for me? You shouldn’t have, princess.”

“Leon?!” You stop dead in your tracks and look around to see if you see him anywhere, but you don’t. 

You hear him lick his lips, “Did you wear that sundress on purpose? You know that’s my favorite one, baby.”

“You fucking pig, leave me alone!”

“Now, now… what have I told you about swearing at Daddy? What a bad girl you are.”

Your heart is pounding out of your chest as you continue to whip your head around to see if you can see him, but you don’t, which makes you panic even more. 

“Where the fuck are you Leon?! Stop hiding!”

You hear him laugh on the other end. Pissed off now, you hang up on him and run down the street, being mindful of the iced coffees in the tray. You had to get back to the apartment. You didn’t care what Becky said, you were moving out. You had no clue where you would go, but you knew you had to get as far away from here as possible. You’d drive to the ends of the earth if you had to.

You get to your apartment and rush up to the front door, digging your keys out from your pocket while precariously balancing the iced coffee tray in your other hand. You finally get a hold of your keys and start opening the front door.

“Becky, listen, we need to talk--”

You stop mid sentence as the door swings completely open, letting out an eerie squeak. You let out a loud gasp, dropping the tray and the iced coffees as you bring both hands to cover your mouth in shock. 

There is blood everywhere.

Your eyes darted from the kitchen cabinets, to the island, to the fridge; everything had blood splattered all over it. Your eyes eventually settle on something laying on the floor. It was Becky, her eyes open wide and her mouth open in a silent scream as blood seeped from the large gash going across her neck.

You’re frozen in place, you can’t take your eyes off Becky’s lifeless form. You weren’t even gone for an hour; you were just talking to her this morning when she mentioned she was dying for an iced coffee. She had a school project to work on so she wasn’t able to go with you to go get Dunks like you normally would. 

Hesitantly, you walk through the door and approach Becky’s body, a small part of you hoping she was somehow still alive. Your whole body trembles as you stand before her. Suddenly, you hear the front door squeak and slam shut, causing you to jump and turn around.

You see Leon, his hand holding the front door shut as he flips his beloved combat knife in his other hand. He lets out a low chuckle as he walks up to you, bringing the blood soaked knife to his lips, licking the blade clean before sheathing it.

“Baby, I didn’t want to have to kill Becky, but she left me no choice. You understand, right?”

“Fuck you!” your voice is like venom as you run over to one of the cabinets, whipping it open.

You start grabbing glasses and throwing them at him, which he effortlessly deflects with his hand as he continues to stalk towards you. You bolt from the kitchen and attempt to get into the living room, however you slip on Becky’s blood, falling to the floor, smacking your face hard against the hardwood floor. 

Now dazed, you attempt to get back up but feel Leon grab you from behind by your underarms, standing you up and holding you against his body.

“You naughty girl,” Leon growled, kissing the back of your right earlobe, “Daddy’s going to have to teach you some manners.”

You desperately struggle in his grasp, however his grip on you is relentless. Looking out the window as you struggle, you realize the window has a clear view of the Dunks that you had just come from.

He was inside the apartment when he called.

“You fucking monster!” you scream, slamming your foot down on one of his boots; he doesn’t flinch.

“Oh princess… it seems you already forgot the rules, haven’t you? That’s fine. I have other ways of keeping you under control.”

You hear him grab something from his pocket and before you can react, you feel a sharp pain in the right side of your neck, making you flinch.

“What the hell was that?!” you cry out, feeling a strange sensation start to overtake your entire body.

“Shhhhhh it’s ok, it’s just to help you relax. Daddy’s got you, you’re safe with me sweetheart,” Leon purrs, kissing the back of your head as his hand runs through your hair.

Your movements quickly became sluggish, subconsciously grateful Leon was holding you up, otherwise you would have collapsed onto the floor. Your eyelids were getting heavy and before you knew it, the embrace of darkness took you.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It was well into the evening before Leon finished cleaning the mess left behind from Becky. One of the first things he did was wrap her body in a blanket and weigh it down with a chain and cinder block before dumping her into the bay. Thanks to his connections in the government, Becky would soon be erased from existence. You were safe in his Wrangler, sleeping soundly. Even if you somehow woke up from the tranquilizer, you wouldn’t be able to open the doors from the inside.

He then began gathering some of your things. He grabbed some of your clothes, toiletries and some of your books and your gaming console. There might be times he has to go out on assignments, so you would need something to do while he’s gone; he hated the thought of leaving you though. Once he was confident he had everything he needed, he locked up the apartment, got into his Jeep and started the engine. He had a very long drive ahead of him.

His destination was a plot of land just above the Northernmost part of Baxter State Park in Maine. He had purchased property up there and built a large cabin shortly after he got back from Spain. While he told you he was out on an assignment a few weeks ago, he was actually up at the cabin getting things ready to move you in. His original plan was to get back to the apartment in D.C. and bring you up there to your new home, however your disappearing act had put a wrench in that plan. He was thankful he trusted his gut and put the GPS tracker in your Renegade. 

Thankfully, traffic was light, so he was able to get onto I-95 North relatively quickly. He glances over at you, sleeping peacefully. He could see your eyes moving underneath your eyelids.

“I wonder what you’re dreaming about, sweetie,” he says softly, using the back of his fingers to stroke your cheek before returning his attention back to the road, “I hope it’s me.”

He reaches up to the sun visor above him, grabbing a mix CD from the CD holder and putting it into the CD player. The song “Bullets” by Creed began to play. As the song picked up, he sang quietly to himself as his right hand moved from the stick shift to your thigh, rubbing it tenderly. 

As he drove, his mind drifted towards the future. He imagined you finally coming around, living happily together, maybe even getting married. He imagined at least a couple little Kennedys running around the cabin, playing tag or whatever it was kids do these days. He imagined you in the kitchen making dinner and him walking up behind you, placing his arms around your waist to rub your belly that would be pregnant with another little Kennedy; the picture perfect family. He could feel himself grow hard, but he would not stop to indulge himself; perhaps when you both finally got to the cabin. He hoped by then you’d be awake. 

He was looking forward to finally making his dream a reality.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Your eyes slowly flutter open and the first thing you feel is the skull crushing headache you have. You wince and try to sit up. You quickly realize you’re in bed. Was all that with Leon a dream? Was Becky alive still? You swing your legs around to get out of bed but you're jerked back by something cold around your neck. You blink, becoming hyper aware of your surroundings. You realize, too, that you were now in jeans and a t-shirt. This is not your bedroom at the apartment. You reach your hands to your neck and find you’re fitted with a metal collar that is attached to a chain, you look behind you; the chain is bolted into the wall.

“Oh what the fuck…” 

You try to pull on the chain, but the bolts don’t budge, that’s when you realize your hands and ankles are also bound together by chains. You start hyperventilating. 

What’s going on, why am I chained to the wall? Why am I chained in general? Where the fuck am I?

“You’re finally awake.”

Your head snaps up at the sound of Leon’s voice; you didn’t even hear him approach. He’s standing in the doorway to the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, only wearing a pair of gray sweatpants that barely clung to his hips. His blue eyes gaze at you longingly.

“You’ve been an awfully bad girl, so Daddy had to punish you.” he says, his eyebrows furrowing in anger.

“Where’s Becky?!”

“Becky? I don’t know anyone named Becky,” Leon says in a ‘as a matter of fact’ tone.

“You fucking liar! You fucking killed her!”

Leon charged over to you, slapping you across the face. You cry out, holding your hand up to your face as your cheek stung from the aftershock of the slap.

“What did I tell you about swearing at Daddy, you dumb bitch?!” 

You start sobbing uncontrollably, your body shaking, “I’m… I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry what?”

“I’m sorry… Daddy…”

“That’s much better,” Leon cooed, stroking the top of your head, “such a good girl.”

You absolutely loathe calling him ‘Daddy,’ it made you sick to your stomach. Leon sat on the bed next to you, continuing to stroke the top of your head.

“Do we need to go over the rules again, babygirl?”

You gave him a nod.

“Use your words, sweetie.”

“Yes…” you swallow hard, “Daddy…”

“Alright,” he gave you a quick kiss on the forehead, “you remember the most important one, don’t you?”

“Be respectful, no swearing or backtalk… I have to listen to what you tell me to do.”

“That’s right. And?”

“I address you as… Daddy… I think you said sir was ok too but you prefer…” you wince like you have a bad taste in your mouth, “Daddy.”

“Such a smart girl, what else?”

“I can’t leave the apartment… erm…” you glance around the room, “house… without your permission.”

Leon gives you a gentle smile as he strokes your cheek, “see? You remember the rules just fine. However, Daddy had to make a new rule now that we’re here, ok?”

You swallow hard, your anxiety skyrocketing.

“Remember, you need to answer when I’m talking to you.”

“Ok… Daddy…”

He grabs onto the collar and pulls you to him, “when you misbehave, you go into the timeout room until Daddy thinks you’re ready to come out.”

“Is this… is this the timeout room?”

“So perceptive! Yes, baby, this is the timeout room,” he replies before giving you a kiss on the lips.

You reciprocate the kiss as much as it kills you inside to do so. He releases the collar and stands up from the bed. He stops at the threshold of the room, looking back at you.

“You must be so hungry, sweetheart, do you want Daddy to make you something to eat?”

“Yes, please.”

Leon narrows his eyes again in a silent threat.

“Yes please, Daddy…”

Seemingly satisfied with your response, he turns and leaves the room, shutting the timeout room door behind him. You take a deep breath, taking in your surroundings. The room had no windows or clock, so you had no way of gauging what time it was. You look up into the corner and see a camera, you reckon that’s how he knew you were awake; it probably has a motion detector in it. You take stock of your current situation. One saving grace was you were at least fully clothed, but you imagined that wasn’t going to last long. You couldn’t help but regret leaving D.C. to begin with; yeah you were trapped in an apartment in D.C., but you at least weren’t chained to a goddamn wall and Becky was alive.

Becky… I’m so sorry… 

You hoped she at least put up a fight. Judging by the gruesome scene you stumbled upon, she had. However, you knew that Leon was practically unstoppable, you remember specifically his kicks were especially deadly. He told you stories about how he snapped people’s necks simply by roundhouse kicking them. However, from the looks of things he simply used his knife.

At one point, you thought that was so hot.

You bury your head into your hands and cry. You felt completely helpless and you hated it. You hated Leon with every fiber of your being.

“Oh sweetheart, please don’t cry,” you hear Leon say.

Again, you snap your head back up and find him in the doorway. He had a plate with a fork as well as a glass of water. As he approaches you, you see that he had made you waffles.

“I made you your favorite. Daddy loves you so much.”

“What time is it… D-Daddy?” you ask, your voice barely audible.

“It’s just before 11, just in time for breakfast, sweetie,” he replies as he hands you the plate and fork.

“W-Where are we exactly…?”

He narrows his eyes for a moment, however, his expression quickly softens as he answers, “we’re home, that’s all you need to know, babygirl,” he brings his lips to your temple, giving you a soft kiss.

You fiddle with the fork in your right hand for a second, contemplating if you should try to stab it into his neck. Unfortunately the damn thing is made of that biodegradable shit, you foresee that ending badly. On top of that, it was one of those safety forks that you couldn’t break and turn into a sharp object, like the ones they give to inmates in prison. 

That’s what this place is, not home, but a fucking prison. 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It’s late; the only thing lighting the living room is the soft glow of the TV as Leon mindlessly surfs through channels in his recliner. The picture was a tad fuzzy since satellite television was the only thing Leon could get working out here, but he didn’t mind. He suddenly came upon an old sitcom, the scene playing out a wife doing the dishes and her husband coming home from work, kissing her on the cheek before taking off his coat. The man’s two children run in, hugging his legs.

Leon felt his heart sink at the sight. There were three things in life that he always wanted: to protect people, to find a nice girl to settle down with and to start a beautiful family. He didn’t really have a family growing up, his biological family was killed having been involved heavily in crime. He was adopted by a police officer, which inspired Leon to become a police officer himself. However, his dream was shattered the night he drove into Raccoon City on his first day being on the force.

To make matters worse, he was immediately taken in by the U.S. Government and interrogated about what happened that night and then ‘asked’ to join a top secret agency, mostly dealing with incidents involving B.O.W.s. His trip to Spain was no different, having been sent there to rescue the president’s daughter. Things were different that time, however, as he was able to get her safely back home after removing the Las Plagas parasite even though he had gotten infected himself in the process. He almost didn’t make it back, but by some miracle, the president’s daughter was able to remove the parasite from him before it completely consumed him. 

When he returned from Spain, even though the mission was an overwhelming success, he still felt empty. He had no one to come home to; no wife to kiss him on the cheek and ask him how his day was. No kids to run up to him to give him a hug, to tell him how much they missed their Daddy. 

He got up from the recliner abruptly and turned off the TV. He walks up to the timeout room door and slowly opens it. You were sleeping, you looked so peaceful in the low light from the nightlight in the room. He stepped into the room, closing the door quietly behind him before approaching the bed. He sat down next to your sleeping form, watching you for a few minutes. A smile forming on his lips, he runs his hand up your leg gently, causing you to stir in your sleep.

“L-Leon…?” you wake with a yawn, “is it morning? What time is it?”

Leon grew slightly irritated at the fact you didn’t address him correctly, but he let it slide for now.

“Daddy has decided he’s going to let you come out of timeout,” he said softly, “but only if you do something for me.”

You rub your eyes before propping yourself up on one elbow to face him, your eyes still dazed from sleep.

“What do you want me to do…?” you ask, your eyelids still heavy.

He leans over you, putting his lips up to your ear and whispering, “let Daddy fuck a baby into you.”

He hears your breath begin to tremble.

“Please, sweetie, please give Daddy a baby,” Leon continues, practically moaning in your ear.

You shake your head as tears form in your eyes; you sit up and press yourself against the headboard, and you look down at the tent in his sweatpants. Looking down at himself, his right hand goes into his sweatpants, pulling out his throbbing cock, giving himself a couple strokes, precum now dripping from the tip.

“Sweetie look, you’re making him cry. All he wants is to be inside you and give you a baby.”

Again, you shake your head at him, tears dripping off your face. 

He frowns, bringing his free hand up to caress your cheek while the other continues to stroke his cock, “there is nothing to be afraid of, Daddy will take such good care of you when you’re pregnant, I promise.”

“Get away from me!” you whimper, pushing his hand away from your face.

Anger begins to boil within him, the frown quickly turning into a scowl. His free hand then grasps your throat, practically choking you. He watches as you struggle against his grasp, desperately trying to breathe but are not able to. 

“You’re going to have my baby whether you like it or not, so we can do this the easy way, or the hard way, sweetheart. The choice is yours and I can tell you right now, you will not like the hard way,” he growled, tightening his grip on your throat.

“I… I… I’m….” you try to speak, but his grip on you is too tight.

Leon sees this and loosens his grip on you.

“I-I’m sorry Daddy, I’m really sorry Daddy. I’ll give you a baby, please don’t hurt me…”

A sinister smile overtakes him. He removes his hand from your throat.

“That’s my good girl,” he says, standing up, “you’re gonna make Daddy so happy.”

Leon grabs your jeans, ripping them off your body, only leaving your thin lace panties. He then removes his sweatpants, now completely naked.

“Get on your hands and knees,” he commands.

You quickly comply, propping yourself up on your hands and knees. He kneels onto the bed as he looms over you, pushing you forward into the bed so that your ass is in the air.

“I was going to treat you and eat your pussy out before I pound a baby into you, but since you insist on being a bad girl, we’re skipping the foreplay tonight.”

“I’m sorry D-Daddy!” you cry, your voice muffled into the bed, “I’m sorry for being a bad girl…”

Ignoring you, he can’t help but see the dark spot on your panties; he lets out a low chuckle.

“Look at how wet you already are! And here you are telling me that you don’t want this. Silly girl…”

His fingers grab your panties and rips them off you, tossing them aside. He gazes upon your glistening pussy, unconsciously licking his lips. Grabbing your hips, he buries his mouth into your leaking hole, lapping up your juices. He hears you let out a soft moan.

“Oh fuck… your pussy tastes so good, I know I said I wasn’t going to eat you out, but I couldn’t help myself when your pussy was begging for Daddy’s tongue.”

He sits back up, grasping his cock in one hand while he aligns it up to your entrance. Without warning, he begins vigorously thrusting into you. He grabs your ass with both hands, putting all his energy into every trust. At first, he could hear quiet whimpers come out of you, watching your fingers claw into the sheets. He readjusts himself so that he was kneeling on one knee, giving himself a better angle to pound into your cervix. Now you were letting out loud moans, pushing your hips back to meet his eager thrusts.

“Oh, what a good girl you are! Daddy’s perfect little angel.”

His hands run up the sides of your body, slipping beneath your shirt and grabbing hold of your breasts. You moan his name as he rolls your nipples between his fingers. 

Again with you not addressing him correctly…

He lets out a sigh, deciding it was fine, you get so drunk on his cock, so he decided a little lapse in the rules in the heat of passion was fine. Grabbing hold of your chest, he pulls you up so that your back is against him as he continues to pound into your hungry pussy. 

“My princess loves Daddy’s cock, doesn’t she? You can’t hide that from me no matter how hard you try,” he growls before pulling out of you and turning you around to face him.

He pushes you back down onto the bed, pushing your legs forward and draping them onto his shoulders. He sheathes himself back into you, leaning in to devour your lips.

“D-Daddy… I’m… I’m… I’m gonna…”

“Don’t cum yet, sweetie, wait and cum with Daddy, ok?”

You nod, letting out a whimper and leaning your head back onto the pillow, your eyes rolling into your head as he continues his assault on your pussy. He can feel that he’s close to his release; in preparation for this his thrusts become short but intoxicatingly deep, causing him to let out a low, animalistic growl.

His growl must have affected you because he felt you instantly cum on his cock, causing him to hit his own release, shooting hot ropes of cum into you as he pressed into you. He held himself there for several minutes until his cock stopped pulsating. He slowly pulled out and looked down at you, admiring his handiwork. He watched his cum start to leak out, using his fingers, he scooped it up and pushed it back into you. He didn’t want to waste a drop.

“Stay like that ok, sweetie? Daddy has to go get the keys to bring you out of timeout.”

Grabbing his sweatpants off the floor, he slips them back on before walking back out into the kitchen. The sun was just starting to come into the windows. He walks up to a safe that’s embedded into the wall; it's the kind with the turn style lock. He inputs the combination, grabbing a couple keys from it before shutting it. He goes back into the bedroom, smiling when he sees you haven’t moved.

What a good girl.

He walks up to the bed, unlocking your collar first before removing the chains from your wrists and ankles. He then picks you up effortlessly, bridal style, taking you out of the timeout room and into the master bedroom. He gently lays you down, giving you a kiss on the forehead. He then climbs into bed next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close, falling asleep within seconds.

Part 4

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

can I request a Vox x reader fluff where they've both been struggling to come to terms with their feelings but when something (you can decide what) happens and the reader gets hurt really badly, he confesses

ANOOOOOOOOON!! YOU. GET ME. SO GOOD. HOW DARE YOU HIT ME UP WITH ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES?? Literally, give this trope to me as many times as yall want. I'll find a million ways to write it. Reap the repercussions and enjoy the food you beautiful homie, you!

Star-Crossed Idiots [Vox x Reader]

Vox refused to believe it.

Velvette had been the one to call him out on his shit first. Unlike him, she had a semblance of emotional maturity that meant she was perceptive to shit that flew over his head entirely. While he didn't understand why he found himself going out of his way to spend time with you, Velvette figured it out in a matter of days. The very fact that he had kept his involvement with you a secret was suspicious in itself. Not to mention, Velvette realized before he did. When she discovered his feelings for you, she found it hilarious. And a touch pathetic.

"I mean really Vox, you have zero reason to even know them," Velvette scoffed as she sipped on the frappuccino he had used to buy her silence. Things were already messy enough with Valentino. He had no intention of the pissy moth hearing of this until whatever this was, was sorted.

"Yet you constantly check in on their phone activity, go out of your way to run into them on the streets, and now they're even working for you just because your needy ass wanted an excuse to see them on the regular," Velvette listed as Vox did everything in his power to avoid eye contact.

Vox buried his face in his hands and groaned while Velvette rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't it just be easier to ask them out at this point? I love you, darling, but you're making this so much more complicated than it needs to be."

"No," Vox growled as he looked up and shot her a warning glare. "Do you have any idea how much shit we'd be in if I just started dating some random sinner? And that's only if the feelings were mutual."

He ran his hand down his screen with a huff, turning to look at Vark swimming up to the glass. While Vox had originally had the aquarium extend to the meeting rooms for a sense of looming intimidation, he'd found quite a bit of comfort in his sharks being able to follow him through the tower.

"Look, for all we know, I'm just pent up," Vox tried to reason. It sounded fake, even to his own ears, but he was in denial. There was too much bullshit he'd have to face if he really was as whipped for you as he feared. "It's been a shit couple of weeks. I probably just need a break and a good fuck and this will all be something you make fun of me about next week for ever entertaining in the first place."

Velvette shook her head, sighing as she pulled out her phone and started to scroll.

"Whatever you say."

---

You refused to believe it.

There was no way you fell for Vox of all people. For starters, you told yourself you'd never love again! Every time you'd tried, disaster followed. It didn't help that any potential match was one to be made in Hell. Granted, you knew not everyone in Hell was bad. There were a lot of sinners who you firmly believed belonged in Heaven or some sort of equivalent.

But even so... Vox was definitely not one of those people. Not that that was the important part or truly mattered. You were no saint either, you were also in Hell.

"I don't see what the big deal is toots," Angel Dust sighed as he watched you give Fat Nuggets attention to keep your hands busy through the stress. "There are worse people to have a crush on."

"There's better too," you whined. "I'd rather not have a crush at all," you muttered bitterly as your hand continued the soothing action of petting the teacup pig.

You'd originally been on the production team for one of Valentino's studios. That was how you befriended Angel Dust and why Vox scooped you out from under Valentino to work on his own set. He told you it was because he valued someone who had an ear for audio balance, but Angel said he'd only offered you the new job after the overlord walked in on the cameraman flirting with you right before.

"Why not just fuck the guy and see if it's a matter of heart or a matter of-"

You laughed as you covered Angel's mouth with one of your hands. "Okay, okay! Don't... finish that sentence. I won't let you taint poor little Fat Nuggets ears with your porn language."

Angel snickered as you pulled back your hand. "But you see my point, right?"

"I do," you sighed. "But that's... not really my style. If anything, I think it'd just hurt to see him after something like a casual fling. The idea of him wanting my body, but not me? Yeah no. I'll choose the healthier option of repressing my feelings, thank you very much."

"I'm telling ya, he's into you," Angel groaned. "I've seen the way he is with people he thinks are hot. I've seen him with Val. You're different, toots."

You smile sadly at Angel and put Fat Nuggets down on the bed. It was clear you didn't believe Angel and he was on the verge of ripping out his fur because of it. The two of you were so unbelievably oblivious it was gonna kill him again. "Thanks, Angie but... it's okay. Really, it is."

He sighed and eventually let it go. The two of you talked about other things for a while before Charlie peeked into his room to ask for your help on something. Once you were gone, he rolled over the conversation in his mind as he tried to think of ways to get the ball rolling on your love life.

Angel shook his head with a sigh and pulled out his phone. He scooped up Fat Nuggets and flopped back in his bed as the dialing sound filled the room. The line connected, and he was quick to the point.

"Hey, I know we don't really talk, but I've got an idea."

---

"Really Angie, I don't think this was necessary," You grumbled as you tugged down on the all-too-short skirt of the outfit he'd squeezed you into.

"Oh, but it was and it is," Angel grinned as he took your hand and twirled you in the entry hall to the club. You rolled your eyes and let him spin you in jest. He'd asked you to come with him to one of your old coworkers' birthday parties.

Apparently, one of the rules was to dress like you'd get hired to dance at the club. At least, that had been Angel's excuse when you questioned why he was hovering over you as he did your hair, and makeup and held up several outfits to your body that you doubted would fit.

Despite the discomfort of getting all dolled up, you were happy he'd invited you. It had been a while since you saw your old friends. That being said, it would have been more fun if you weren't tugging down your skirt every two minutes. You weren't the only one hyperaware of how much of your skin was exposed. Nor of the way the fabric hugged your frame tightly. Several of your old friends had suggested you return to the studio with a job in front of the camera instead of in the shadows of the set.

You'd been having a good time, sticking to the corner of the room with some of your old friends to watch the drinks while the rest were out on the dance floor. One of the drunker sinners of the bunch accidentally knocked over some of the drinks while she'd been telling a story about the recent cam show she did. You volunteered to go get more napkins from the bar. One of your friends came with you to reorder the ruined drinks and the two of you had nearly pushed your way through the crowd when you heard a familiar voice call your name through the noise.

Vox didn't have to fight through the crowd the way you had. The second sinners saw the glow of his screen, they were quick to move out of his path. Your friend touched your arm, pulling your attention away from the approaching overlord. They winked at you and told you they had the drink issue handled.

When you turned, you caught Vox's screen flickering from pink to his usual blue. You had never seen any color other than the "You don't get to sleep" blue light, so you assumed it was just a trick of the flashing dance lights above.

"I didn't think you'd be here," you say to break the tension. This wasn't the first time you'd seen him in casual wear, nor was it the first time you'd seen Vox since realizing you had feelings for him. Even so, your heart was beating hard just from the sight of him.

"A-Ah yeah, well," Vox stammered as the music blared through the busy room. "Velvette wanted to drop by. She said something about wanting to check the place out as a potential venue for an upcoming show."

"Just the two of you?" you ask, perking up slightly.

"It was supposed to be," Vox chuckled dryly. His grin was tired and forced as he looked to the side and scanned the room. "Valentino heard we were coming here and tagged along. I don't know why, but Velvette got really heated about it. Something about him fucking up her plans..."

"Oh," your shoulders drop. You cringe internally, wishing you could take back the bitterness in your voice. You hoped it wasn't too obvious, but the way Vox was looking at you like you were some sort of a puzzle told you everything you needed to know.

You actually loved Velevette. She was sassy and cutthroat but had a kind side to her as well. Valentino however... He'd been the source of a lot of suffering for the people you cared about. While the more obvious examples of Angel Dust returning to the hotel looking like shit came to mind, so did the times you had to comfort Vox after being yanked this way and that by the moth emotionally.

That was actually how you'd realized you'd come to care for him as deeply as you do. He'd been standing alone in one of the meeting rooms with a distant look on his face. When you found him and asked him if he was okay, he tried to play it off with his usual bravado, but couldn't. He never cried in front of you, he only vented his frustrations about Valentino and you listened. You sympathized. And eventually, you found yourself wishing you could be the one to treat him better.

Vox opened his mouth to say something, only for Valentino to slip his arm around his shoulder, appearing out of nowhere from the crowd.

"There you are baby," he purred, his fingers immediately slipping under the collar of Vox's vest. You resisted the urge to gag as Valentino took a long puff from his pipe and blew the majority of the smoke in your direction.

"I was wondering where you up and fucked off to," Valentino grinned as he leaned down to nip drunkenly at Vox's shoulder. "You left me all alone with our little fashionista, "Valentino scoffed. "She's in such a bitchy mood."

If it wasn't bad enough that Valentino was practically drooling all over Vox in front of you and pretending you weren't there, insult was only added to injury when Valentino grinned at you with sharp teeth when he called Velvette bitchy.

"Come back and unwind with me," Valentino hummed as he started to kiss up Vox's neck. "Some of my best toys are here tonight. Don't you want to play?"

If Vox had any doubt he was in Hell before, he had every reason to confirm the fact at this moment. He'd fallen out of love with Valentino, but the almost... the almost killed him. To make it worse, he was completely frozen, letting it all happen in front of you. He made no moves to stop Valentino, he made no moves to reciprocate. He simply froze.

Unable to watch any longer as Vox continued to fall for the very same game of tug-o-war he told you he was done with, you bite your lip and turn on your heel. You can't tell if you heard Vox say your name or if it was just a trick of the crowd.

"Anyone else gonna drink this?" You asked as you rejoined your friends still at the table and pointed to one of the more full glasses left on the table. When your friends who were sober enough to answer said you could go for it, you tossed it back in one shot.

You griped to one of your friends who had stayed behind to watch over those too drunk to make good choices. The two of you had been having a damn good venting session about how stupid you felt your feelings were when the entire bar swayed. Your words slurred as your body grew heavy.

One second you were sitting up, wondering why your friend looked so concerned. The next second there was a sharp pain against the temple of your forehead, followed by a heavy thunk, more pain, and darkness.

---

Vox had been desperately searching the dance floor for any sign of you. He'd torn away from Valentino and the moth hadn't bothered to follow. Vox would... handle that another time. For as much as he denied his feelings for you this morning, the second he saw the hurt look in your eyes he knew he had to tell you. There was no way he could ignore the sharp lurch in his chest at the sight of you.

He didn't know what it meant. He couldn't tell if it was just a sense of betrayal after he'd been so open with you about Valentino or if it was something more. Every time he found himself wanting to talk about his true feelings on anything, he wanted to talk to you. Every time he had a rare second alone in the middle of the night, the only touch he craved was yours. Yes, he had a history with Valentino, but he didn't actively want that. He wanted you.

He finally spotted you across the room, sitting at a table with one of the whores he'd seen at Valentino's studio and getting way too close to them for his liking. He made his way through the drunken idiots who were too far gone to notice him, keeping his eyes on you as you started swaying dangerously.

You tried to reach down for something on the table and Vox swore as you lost what little balance you had and fell over. Someone got in his way so he didn't see the impact, but somehow he heard it. Through all the noise he heard the sharp thud and the panicked swearing of the person you were with after.

Vox was suddenly shoving every idiot out of his way, ignoring their shouts as he ran into the small clearing and found you on the ground with blood seeping from your head. He was immediately on his knees, scooping you up as the sinner who'd been with you started freaking out.

The only thing Vox could hear was a high-pitched whine as he pulled you to him and tried to frantically find where you were bleeding from. Half of your head was dripping with blood and he vaguely registered your friend saying your head had hit the edge of the table.

"Just s̴̢̃ḧ̸̺u̸͇͋t̷̯͂ ̷̬̂u̶͖̓p̵̳͗!̶̳͌," Vox snapped as he whipped up and affixed the sinner with a violent glare. He didn't care that half the club was looking at him. For once, he didn't care that he'd made a scene. Logically, he knew something like this couldn't kill you, you were all already dead. But his hands were shaking violently and the buzzing in his head was getting louder because you weren't moving.

Everything around him flashed with bright blue light as he held you close and teleported out of the club without even thinking about it. The two of you reappeared in his room back at the tower and he let out a shaky breath as he placed you down on his bed.

Not knowing what to do, Vox quickly crossed the room and threw his bathroom door open as he searched for anything he could use to stop the bleeding. He was muttering furiously as he nearly ripped the hinges off the cupboard under the sink looking for anything he could use.

Vox let out a loud, angry shout as his body kept glitching. His movements were jerky and he'd hit his head on the sink twice now. Just as he was about to have an absolute meltdown, he heard you groan from his bedroom. His head snapped up and he turned around at the sound of your voice so fast he was surprised he didn't snap his own neck.

Vox yanked a towel off of the wall and scrambled across the nylon tiles as he fell into his room with all the grace of a CEO that he clearly had. He swore, picking himself up and coming over to you as you sat up and clutched your head.

"Shit, that stuff was stronger than I thought," you groaned. "Note to self, don't just chug random alcohol at the club." you tried to laugh, only to hiss as the pain in your head doubled down due to the movement.

"You're a fucking idiot," Vox sighed as he sat down next to you and lifted the towel to your head.

You flinched at the contact, and Vox grabbed your wrist with his free hand. "Stay still," he frowned, pressing again on the wound. "You're still bleeding."

Trying not to do more damage, you stay as still as possible while he tries to stop the bleeding. The silence is heavy between the two of you before you mumble quietly.

"Sorry..."

Vox blinks, frowning down at you. "For what?"

You avoid eye contact the best you can given your current condition and fist your hands on your thighs nervously. "For acting like an idiot. You've told me about how hard it is with Valentino. I should've said or done something and not have gotten..."

"Upset?" Vox finished for you quietly. You flinched, unable to read the tone in his voice. He sighed and slowly lifted the towel from your head, before lowering it. "Why did you?"

"It's stupid," you bite your lip, hand drifting up curiously to see how bad the wound is. Before your fingers could brush against your hair, Vox's hand grabbed your wrists again.

"Try me."

You couldn't say if it was due to the pain, blood loss, or alcohol in your system, but the moment you finally gathered the courage to look him in the eye, you said fuck it. Vox gasped as you surged forward and pressed your lips against his. He'd barely had a chance to process the feeling before you were already turned away from him and rambling some bullshit about how you knew he didn't feel the same.

He took your hand, ignoring the anxious nonsense flowing from your mouth, and lifted it to his lips. Your speech died on your tongue as his lips pressed against the palm of your hand.

"Do you have any idea how much you've been on my mind?" He growled softly, his lips trailing up your arm slowly as he practically worshiped your skin.

If it wasn't for the fact that your blood was still on his hands, Vox would have been so much more rough with you. He would have grabbed you and crashed his lips against yours. He would have torn the fabric that hugged your curves so tightly off of your body and shown you just how badly he'd been needing you.

Instead, he made do with tracing his claw under your chin and guiding you to face him properly. His eyes searched yours for any doubt or sign that you'd acted purely on adrenaline and not something more. When your breath hitched and your cheeks flushed, he knew. As he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, as his arms snaked down and pulled you flush against him like you'd break, as your fingers found a home in his vest he knew.

You wanted him too. You fell for him too. This wasn't a game of "do they, don't they" like the one he'd played with Valentino for so fucking long.

His breath hitched, his arms tightening around you before he slowly pulled back and laughed breathlessly.

"Does this mean we're dating?" you ask, smiling at him like he'd hung the stars in the sky.

"God that sounds cheesy," Vox grimaced. The phrase felt so... high school bullshit. But it wasn't wrong. He wanted that. He really wanted that with you.

He reached down, hesitating before his clawed hand gently covered yours. "But yeah... I guess it does," he smiled softer than you'd ever seen before.

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Day 6: playing with hair

Masterlist flufftober 🎀

Reblog if you liked it!

“I brought more popcorn,” you announced happily, offering Spencer the full bowl and watching him clap silently.

The entire team had received Rossi's invitation to watch a movie at his house, under the excuse that in recent weeks you had not gone anywhere outside of work hours to spend time together as friends and not as co-workers.

Spencer was currently sitting on the floor, claiming that he really enjoyed sitting there instead of on the couches, with his back leaning on the space you had made between your legs and his gaze intent on the suspense movie that the host had chosen. 

At some point in the middle of the darkness of the room your hand went down to reach the tip of a strand in his long loose hair and began to play with it carelessly, almost as if it were a reflex action. Spencer was used to you doing that all the time so it didn't take him by surprise, but at some point the movie stopped being interesting enough for you to pay attention and you decided to start running your hands consciously through his hair. When you massaged him you heard him sigh from time to time and you continued like that until with the help of your fingers you began to get rid of the knots he had and only a silky cascade of brown with golden touches remained.

“Hey,” you whispered, leaning down to speak right in his ear.

"Yeah?"

“Let me braid your hair?”

“Whatever you want, pretty,” he replied quietly. The man leaned to the side to plant a distracted kiss on your knee as if to make you aware that he had heard you, but also to show you that he was too interested in the plot of the film for a more enthusiastic response.

You did a few small french braids on the top of his head and a few more scattered throughout the loose section below, taking your time to get them perfect. From time to time he would raise his hand to put popcorn in your mouth, knowing that you were very committed to your work, and you didn't even realize that it had been long enough for the movie to end until the credits rolled and JJ turned on the lights in the living room.

“Well, that was an ending I wasn't expecting,” Emily exhaled, apparently satisfied with the film choice David had made.

"You liked the movie?" he asked suddenly, turning towards you for the first time and allowing you to admire your masterpiece. He looked totally pretty, in a feminine way that only a man like him could pull off.

“I got distracted halfway with you, if I'm honest.”

“We can see it getting home if you want, I want to test a theory about continuity errors” he suggested to you happily. Few commercial movies caught your boyfriend's attention and you thought that if he had enjoyed it you probably would too, although now from the comfort of your home.

“What's on your head, Reid?” Morgan smiled, looking at his friend and causing the rest to do the same. Spencer still didn't seem aware of what you had done until you lent him your phone screen for him to use as a mirror and then he could see what you had been focusing on for the last half hour.

"You like them?"

“I don't know, do you think I look good?” he asked genuinely. You loved that part of your boyfriend, the one that didn't let himself be carried away by prejudices and he only enjoyed things that could make him happy or, in the same way, make you happy.

You smiled and leaned down enough to place a gentle kiss on his lips, followed by at least three more spread across his cheeks and one on the tip of his nose that tickled him.

"I love them. I love you” 

“Oh, come on, get a room!” Prentiss squealed as he threw a cushion at you and made a face of displeasure at your little romantic moment.

“How did you get him to let you do his hair? He never left me”

“I guess they're girlfriend benefits, Garcia,” you joked, while he pulled your hand to his mouth to leave a delicate kiss on your knuckles “Besides, he was too preoccupied with finding out who the murderer was to notice"

“That’s not true, I knew you were combing my hair. I only left you because it relaxes me a lot that you play with it” he confessed, looking at you out of the corner of his eye even from his position on the floor.

Spencer wanted to get that admiring look from you just a little longer and upon arriving at your shared apartment he slept with his hair combed, until the next morning he was greatly surprised when he realized that the locks you had braided were now curly. You took out some old tubes that your mother had given you, but they were now almost obsolete, and you explained to him that they fulfilled the same function, promising that if a case didn’t arise that same night, you would put them on so that he could see the results himself.

Seeing the experienced and brilliant doctor you had as a boyfriend full of blue tubes in his head was something you never thought you would witness, but the excited smile on his face at the new hairstyle was payment enough for your loving heart.

taglist: @navs-bhat @reidwritings @tricia-shifting14 @spencerslove @vivian-555 @r-3dlips @rhiannonhippiegirl

[iburnedmyselfalive]

SHADOWS OF AFFECTION.

nsfw -- first time writings smut in awhile please give me ideas + feedback!! i feel like this is so rushed :'( didn't really proof read I'm sorry!!

A dimly lit room with a faint glow from nearby equipment. Anakin Skywalker, dressed in Jedi robes, stood facing you, a determined and slightly tense expression on his face.

"What are you doing here? You know you're not supposed to be in this sector." While speaking, his voice remained void of any emotion

"I have as much right to be here as you do, Skywalker. Maybe more." You mirrored his tone in your response noticing how that irritated him.

"You think you're clever, don't you? Always meddling where you don't belong." he said, his voice tinged with irritation, and his expression showing clear frustration.

"i'm here to ensure justice, something you seem to have forgotten in your pursuit of power." you remarked, stepping closer to him, your proximity enough to sense his rhythmic breathing.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he retorted, narrowing his eyes at you, a glint of frustration now more evident. "I fight for peace, for the greater good, unlike your misguided intentions."

"Peace? Your methods are ruthless, your actions reckless. You'll destroy everything you claim to protect." you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief at his apparent contradictions.

"You don't understand the burden I carry, the choices I have to make." he murmured, his voice sounding like it almost went softer.

"Your excuses won't justify your deeds. The path you're on leads to darkness." you retorted firmly, unyielding in conviction.

There's a tense silence as you continue to lock eyes. Anakin's gaze flickers, conflicted emotions swirling within him. Suddenly, he reaches out, cupping your face in his hands, bringing you to shock.

Why did you want this?

"Despite everything, I can't deny what I feel for you." Anakin murmured, his voice carrying a hint of cocky confidence, unable to mask his underlying emotions.

Before you could even react to his words, Anakin closes the gap between you fully, pressing his lips against yours in a sudden, passionate kiss. It's a mixture of conflicting emotions - love, desire, and turmoil.

The kiss lingers for a moment, filled with intensity and an unspoken understanding. Anakin then breaks away, his expression a mixture of regret and longing.

"Fuck," he muttered, when he pulled back abruptly, a mix of emotions crossing his face.

He turns away, striding out of the room, leaving you standing there, stunned and conflicted by the unexpected moment of tenderness from your sworn enemy.

You wanted more, no, you needed more.

"Anakin," you called out, your voice barely above a whisper, filled with a hint of desperation that stirred something within him, causing a smirk to grace his lips.

"Hm?" he responded, pausing his steps, intrigued by the tone in your voice.

You sensed a rush in your stomach, a sensation akin to fireworks bursting within. "I-I need..." you attempted to articulate, grappling to express yourself as he cocked his head, observing you with a mix of fascination and amusement, a smug chuckle escaping his lips.

"What do you want, huh? You've gotta speak up, sweetheart, and tell me," he chided, his tone carrying a teasing edge.

I... I want you," you stammered, summoning the courage to draw nearer to him.

"Please," an almost pleading tone escaped your lips.

"Just kissed you, and now I've got you begging for more, hmm?" he chuckled, his voice tinged with a sense of satisfaction.

"Anakin, please, stop teasing me," you pleaded, frustration evident in your tone.

"Fine then, I'll find someone who'll give me what I need," you responded when he stayed silent, a hint of anger colouring your words, a calculated move to incite a reaction from him. His jaw tensed at your provocation, swiftly grasping your arm and ushering you back into a less conspicuous room.

"Enough with the games," he growled, commanding attention as he took a seat on the edge of the unfamiliar bed, a room that didn't belong to either of you.

It was amusing because you weren't the one teasing him; it was actually the reverse. The mere mention of seeing someone else seemed to set him off.

"Sit," he ordered firmly, his eyes fixated on his lap, a commanding presence exuding a sense of heat.

You glanced at him, uncertain of your next move, which only seemed to exacerbate his frustration.

"Sit, now," he demanded sharply. "Begging me for more and now when I offer, you act like a lost little bunny, huh? Pathetic," he hissed, his tone a blend of irritation and disdain.

Your cheeks warmed, a rush of heat coloring your skin at the way he spoke to you. Yet, driven by a mix of defiance and intrigue, you deliberately positioned yourself on his lap, straddling him. As you settled, you felt a surge of intensity in the eye contact you maintained with him, your gaze unwavering, a silent challenge and a hint of curiosity sparkling in your eyes.

An overwhelming sense of yearning surged within you, an unexpected desire that seemed to emanate solely for Anakin. It was a realization that struck you hard—you hadn't comprehended how much you craved him until that moment. Letting out a soft whimper as he gently directed your movements, guiding your hips, he melded his lips with yours in a passionate embrace.

His hands extended, caressing to cup your breasts, eliciting a soft gasp from you. "Ani," you whimpered in a breathless plea, your voice muffled amidst the intensity of the kiss.

"Bet this pretty little cunt is soaked huh? All for me, is that right?" he playfully cooed, further teasing you with his words, evoking another soft whine to escape your lips.

When you refused to say anything, he brought a hand up, slapping you pathetically which made you much wetter than you already were. You strained to tighten your thighs from your current position, trying your best to maintain composure.

"I want to hear it," he growled, craving the sound of your voice, eager to sense the urgency and longing in your words.

When you could only muster a hasty "mhm," it fell short of what he sought, clenching your thighs together again as a result of his second slap.

"Y-yes ani, 'm so wet" You protested with a soft whine, attempting to shift and escape his secure hold while perched on his lap.

He chuckled darkly, a hint of amusement in his eyes as he shook his head. "I know you can do much better than that dirty bitch," he asserted with a commanding tone, his voice carrying an air of authority.

"'m so wet for you ani, please touch me, please" you expressed your desperation with a pleading tone as his hand slid down your body, departing from its prior position, your breasts, and descending farther and farther.

His hand lightly brushed over your clothed clit, causing you to nearly lose balance on his lap. "Please," you whimpered, leaning in close to his ear.

"I need you to listen to me and follow my instructions, clear?" he growled, asserting his dominance.

"Crystal," you replied, your voice filled with desperation as you tried to move against his fingers, although he hadn't instructed you to do so, had he?

"Desperate whore," he hissed, "keep that up and we'll both end up unsatisfied," he warned in a low, threatening tone.

You swallowed hard and nodded, halting your movements even though every part of you resisted. His finger continued to trace deliberate circles over your clothed clit, coaxing more moans from you as he intensified his touch.

"I need more, please," you pleaded urgently. You sensed his undeniable hardness beneath you, fueling your growing desperation.

Your words only fueled his hastened actions; his intention to tease was already fixed. He proceeded by swiftly pulling you up and removing your pants.

While you were still in your panties, he gently positioned you on the bed. Standing over you, he returned his hand back to your pussy, soaking wet, carefully pulling aside your panties.

"Ani!" you exclaimed as you finally sensed his fingers on your sensitive clit.

"Yes, yes so good, don't stop," you whimpered, your back arching, fingers tightly clutching the bedsheet.

However, everything shifted rapidly as your orgasm drew near. Your hands embraced him, drawing him closer, sensing his warm breath as his fingers intensified their pace.

"Yeah?" he teased, a smug grin adorning his face.

Tears cascaded down your face as your legs started to tremble, the sensation making you see stars. You attempted to kiss him, but you couldn't quite reach, and teasingly, he playfully moved away slightly.

"Getting close, sweetheart? I'm sure I'm making you feel incredible," he growled, coaxing you to say it.

The intensity of pleasure overwhelmed you as his fingers explored various rhythms, gauging your every reaction to pinpoint what brought you the most pleasure. When he slapped you, it momentarily stifled your words. "'S-so good, Ani, so good," you whimpered, struggling to speak amidst the sensation.

You were on the verge of climax, but a disappointed whimper escaped when your orgasm was withheld. Anakin promptly withdrew his two fingers from your swollen clit.

You protested, a desire to retaliate rising within you, but weariness held you back, knowing it hadn't been your effort but his.

"You should've mentioned you were close," he teased, sporting a playful grin.

"Shut up, Anakin." you sassed right back at him.

Anakin retorted sharply, his voice edged with a demanding and rough tone, "Don't tell me to shut up when you're craving every bit of this, begging for more."

With a mixture of frustration and desire, you decided to snap back at him, "Stop pretending like you don't know what you're doing to me."

Anakin, his voice husky and determined, countered, "I know exactly what I'm doing. And you love every second of it, don't you?"

"I-I don't love it... I just... I can't help but... feel." With a mix of denial and embarrassment, you replied, faltering with your words as he guided his fingers back to your clit.

Anakin's voice was laced with a teasing yet commanding tone, "Words might fail you, but your body doesn't lie. Show me how much you want this" he remarked.

As Anakin's words hung in the air, your breath hitched. Your gaze met his, conveying a mixture of uncertainty and desire. Without a word, your body responded, inching closer, a silent invitation for more. Fingers trembled slightly, reaching out tentatively, a silent plea for his touch to continue. Their eyes held a depth of longing, silently communicating what words couldn't express.

You let out a gasp as he directed his lips to your breasts, alternating between sucking and gently nibbling on one nipple, then showering the same affection on the other with equal passion.

"Ani, I need you," you whimpered as your climax neared once more. Your hands trembled as you attempted to remove his Jedi robes, but this action made him pause.

"What did I say?" he reminded you sternly, referring to the specific orders he had given for you to follow his commands strictly.

"'s too much, Ani," you cried out as he pulled you to the edge of the bed. Kneeling down, he began to gently use his tongue to tease over your clit.

"That's not what I said," he hissed, intensifying the circles of his tongue over your clit while his hand reached out to firmly cup your breasts.

"Please," you cried out, attempting to close your thighs as you squirmed, sitting up and tangling your hands in his hair, desperately trying to pull him away from you

He snarled, "Take it," exerting force to keep you down.

"Ani, it's too much, please!" you cried, squirming even harder.

“Mm, what a beautiful cunt this is," he murmured, his tongue tracing circles over your clit, drawing you even nearer to him.

As you started moaning his name, almost reaching climax, he abruptly withdrew. Hs stripped off his clothing, you whimpered, studying his features, and he was undeniably well-endowed. "Where do you want this, sweetheart? Right here?" he teased, grazing his tip along your folds, referring to his cock.

You nodded with a pout, but before you could speak, he raised his hand, wrapping it around your neck ever so slightly "Can't even say it, can you? You want me inside you, huh? Deep inside," he cooed, his voice taunting.

"Say it now. I want to hear it," he demanded.

You whimpered, obeying his command but feeling embarrassed. "I want... you... please... to fuck me," you struggled to express, blushing with vulnerability.

His grin widened as he pushed himself into you. "So big," you murmured to yourself, grasping onto his arms as discomfort crossed your face.

"Let me set the pace baby, yeah, let me set the pace" he cooed softly, his voice filled with assurance. He started with a slow movement for a fleeting moment before intensifying his pace, causing the distinct sound of skin meeting skin. You were already a disheveled mess, so he paid no mind if someone were to walk in.

"Oh, Anakin, please!" you cried out, feeling the intense arousal build up. You had been denied your orgasm multiple times, so you sensed that just a few more thrusts would push you over the edge.

"Hold it, you filthy bitch," he cooed, commanding you to restrain yourself from climaxing.

"But!" you began to protest, only to be interrupted by him.

"I said, hold it," he growled, swiftly reaching up to slap you. His thrusts were intense, driving deep into you.

"Yeah, yeah that's it, taking this so well f'me," he groaned in satisfaction.

"Ani, I... I need..." you struggled to articulate your words as he relentlessly pounded into you, but he understood your desires perfectly. He pressed his lips against yours, delivering a messy yet forceful kiss that sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

"Up," he commanded, his gaze fixed on your hips, and obediently, you complied, raising your hips as instructed. He swiftly grabbed a pillow, placing it under your lower back as he delved deep inside you once more. Holding still momentarily, observing your squirms for him, he finally resumed thrusting.

"Ani, yes, just like that," you cried out, the altered position aiding him in reaching a new angle, hitting your most sensitive spot.

He swiveled his hips, trailing soft nibbles along your neck, then ascending to your earlobe, teasingly biting on it.

"Are you going to cum f'me? Going to make a mess all over my cock?" he provocatively questioned.

"Yes! Please, yes!" you cried out, your legs trembling as he brought his thumb down to your clit, vigorously circling it.

"fuck," he groaned, his hips briefly slowing before returning to their earlier rhythm. Your hands dug deeply into his back, almost drawing blood.

"Please make me cum, I want it so badly," you pleaded, gripping onto him tightly.

The pleasure overwhelmed you, becoming almost unbearable.

"mhm, mhm," you cried out, so overwhelmed that you couldn't articulate properly.

Your back arched deeply, the sensation seemingly endless. Your eyes rolled back, hands gripping his hair as he penetrated you deeply, fully immersed in the act, lifting one of your legs and placing it over his shoulder.

And that was the tipping point for you.

"Come for me, now, pretty baby," he demanded as it felt like an explosion, finally letting go, releasing yourself all over his cock. He groaned in unison with you as he planted his seed deep inside you, his thumb continuing to work on your clit while he maintained a slow and steady rhythm of thrusting.

"That's it, taking it so well," he cooed as his pace gradually quickened once more. In a state of shock, you whimpered, feeling utterly exhausted and drained from the prolonged teasing game he had been playing with you for a while.

"What? it's too much for you to handle huh? what is it baby? Have I gotten you all worked up?" he asked, wearing a sly grin.

"Mhm," you replied, nodding your head with a pout on your face.

"Too bad. You're going to take my cock and thank me for it," he growled, thrusting deeper into you, leaving you wondering how that could even be possible.

"Drenched in all your damn juices," he hissed, gripping your waist while one hand moved to your lower stomach, applying slight pressure to feel himself inside you.

"Look," he demanded, seizing your jaw to force you to observe the point where you two were connected, to witness how intensely he was penetrating you.

"Oh, fuck," you moaned at the sight of him moving in and out of you, your body tightly embracing him. Something about the sight drove you to the edge once more; your eyes rolled back as you cried out, "Ani!" while bucking your hips.

"Fuck," he cooed, "make a fucking mess all over me."

His words spat out with intensity, "Cover me in all your fucking juices," he hissed, demanding,

"Yeah pretty baby, you want to huh?" he cooed as you desperately nodded.

"Gonna fucking fill this pussy up" he spoke through gritted teeth.

In just a few more thrusts, both of you reached climax together. You moaned for him while he buried his face into your neck, groaning into your ear.

"Good girl," he cooed, planting a soft kiss on your lips before pulling away from you and kneeling down again.

"Ani?" you questioned with a whimper, but were interrupted by a moan as he began circling your clit with his tongue once more.

Did he really want you to cum for the third time?

Overwhelmed by the stimulation, you cried even harder, attempting to squirm away from him.

"Mm, it's too much, too much, I can't handle it," you whined, sensing your climax nearing as he sucked harshly on your clit, the sound of a 'pop' echoing in the room.

Indeed, he had succeeded; the cocky guy had brought you to climax for the third time.

"You did so well f'me, darling," he cooed, leaning in to kiss you as you tasted yourself on his lips. Eventually, he pulled away, planting a kiss on your forehead as he took care of cleaning you up and helping you get dressed again.

You winced from the pain in your legs when you attempted to stand, prompting him to lift you up himself.

"Tired?" he inquired, and you nodded, nearly dozing off in his embrace.

"Oh, training got the best of her? Take it easy on her, Anakin," Obi-Wan's sudden voice made you whimper.

"Shh, sleep baby," he cooed, shooting Obi-Wan a glare.

Anakin carried you back to his place, gently helping you change into comfortable clothes before guiding you to bed. He tenderly tucked you in, caressing your head and planting gentle kisses on your forehead.

"Rest now, my dear," he whispered softly, dimming the lights as you drifted into a peaceful slumber, feeling safe and cared for in his embrace.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Genuinely, upon reflection, I think one of the reasons Izzy's arc in s2 didn't sit right with those of us who were hyper-aware of how the canyon folks would inerpret the show is, paradoxically, because the writers seem to have been working with the assumption that they would need to convince viewers to like Izzy.

When you consider how he was written, it makes a lot of sense that they were writing his arc with that in mind. We left off s1 with Izzy threatening Ed and making him feel so unsafe that he went hard into the Blackbeard persona and set himself down a self-destructive spiral - it was reasonable for them to assume viewers would need to be won over to considering him one of the "good guys." So they showed us the crew accepting him, helping him when he's down, and gave him lots of funny little lines and moments that could easily have gone to other characters. They wanted us to like him so his death would hit the way they wanted it to. It's a pretty solid writing choice, absent all other factors, I think, and given the end goal they had in mind it makes sense.

But the thing is, and the reason I think it felt weird for us - the canyon are very vocal about loving a version of Izzy that doesn't really exist in the show, so all the love Izzy got this season just felt like their interpretations were being validated, so it put us on edge. They overcorrected how much they needed to convince us to like Izzy and as a result it easily came across like his actions were just being excused until the finale. I don't think that was the intention at all, and I doubt I would've felt so weird about it if there hasn't been a year in between seasons filled with the most racist takes I've ever seen.

[dsireland86]

Take Me First

Tags: @lma1986 @somewhere-diamond @missduffsblog @myownthoughts12 @concrete09 @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon @shilohrosechicken @jilliemiw86

They had a fight. He made a stupid choice that she just couldn't accept, so she left, never knowing it would probably be the last time they would see each other. Now, Noah is left to face the consequences of his actions; consequences that weren't supposed to affect her. He's broken and terrified life will never be the same again. If only God would take him first, then maybe he could be at peace.

“I wanna be someone you used to hate without the memory of the pain, but I went too far and now we can't restart. It's like we cut the breaks, tore ‘em off the car ninety miles inside the dark familiar scars, and electric hearts”

“Why! Why would you! How could you? What did she give you that I don't, Noah?” She screams at me, tears running down her face, the pain I caused her destroying every good memory of me she has. I couldn't believe I pushed her this far; that I pushed us to this point in our relationship. I couldn't give her the answer she wanted because the truth was I didn't have one. I fucked up. Bad. I fucked someone else, in our bed, when she was away at her parents. Granted I was drunk, but that was an excuse at all. Jolly told me not to do it. Folio said I'd lose her if I did. Nick just shook his head and walked away when I took the fifth shot given to me. Matt was refusing to speak to me. What the fuck happened? How could I be so over taken by a girl whose name I couldn't even remember? 

Y/N stands up grabbing her keys and purse that are still on the floor where she dropped them a bit ago. “No, please baby,”

Y/N sits on the ottoman, holding her head in her hands. Her shoulders are shaking, and the only sounds are her quiet sobs. I want to comfort her. I want to go to her, take her in my arms, and apologize over and over until she believes me. I know she won't. I know

Y/N hates me. The cuts I've made so recklessly on her heart are too deep. I reach out to touch her, but she pulls away. “Don't you fucking touch me, Noah,” she screams, making me cringe. “Don't ever touch me again." She looks at me with so much distaste for the first time ever since we've been together. I can't stand to see her like this, so I make the choice to leave. “No, you asshole! You don't get the benefit of walking out on me when you're the one who made the wrong choice. I'm the one who gets to leave.” 

“Don't you fucking dare, Noah. Don't you call me that. You do not have the privilege of calling me that anymore. I'm nothing to you now.” She glares at me with so much hurt, so much anger in her blue eyes. My body goes numb. The slamming of the front door makes me jump, signaling the end of us and the glow of her headlights as she backs out of the driveway says it's for good. I run into the kitchen and find the trash can just in time.

‐--------------------------------

“I know I'm gonna die in this bed I made, and I'm drowning in a dream that I can't escape. If I could wake up, I'd hesitate.”

“Where the fuck have you been? Why haven't you answered any of Matt's or my calls!” Jolly's voice is loud and his bitter tone tells me something bad has happened. “I fell asleep, Jolly, sorry man.” Jolly scoffs. “So fucking typically, Noah! You go off and break Y/N's heart, causing her to do something drastic that plays out like a fucking horror movie and you get to fall asleep. Yeah, fuck you mother,” “Whoa! Slow the fuck down, Jolly! I didn't intentionally fall asleep. I've been sitting here on my couch, crying for the past hour. What are you talking about?” “Are you sure? Didn't invite what’s her face back for a second round the moment  Y/N drove away?” There was dead silence. I clench my jaw, running my hand over my mouth, thanking god Jolly's not in front of me. My fist closes in a tight fist. “Fuck you, Jolly! Fuck you!” I yell into the phone. “It wasn't supposed to happen, okay? I had no intention of hurting Y/N. I love her and I know if I give her some space and some time we can work it out.” There was dead silence again. “Noah,” the way Jolly says my name is one-eighty from just a second ago. Something bad has happened. I can feel it. “Y/N’s been in an accident. She was hit head on by a drunk driver. It took the E.M.T’s almost an hour to cut her out. Once they did; there was no pulse. Her blood was everywhere, Noah. After a few tries of resuscitation they finally got a pulse. It was really faint, but it was there. I followed them to the hospital and Matt, Folio, and Nick met me here. We're all here. Everyone but you. Please come, Noah. Y/N needs you. 

My eyes snap open from the vibration against my leg. As my eyes adjust to the light I realize I must have fallen asleep after sitting on the couch for I don't know how long after Y/N left; her NoFace hoodie still clenched in my hands. It's her favorite, and when I saw it laying on the back of the chair, a spark of hope ignited in me. Maybe if I give her a few days, we can talk. I reach into my pocket to answer the call, and when I look at my phone, I see nine missed calls from Matt and seven from Jolly. I answer before it becomes the eighth. 

_________________________________________

“But it’s too late to turn back now, Oh God, I tried but I don’t know, if I could escape it, I’d trade in the blame, you can take it. If it doesn’t take me first.”

I don’t know how I’m able to make it to the hospital in one piece, but I do. I text Jolly to find out where everyone is and follow the directions he gives me. My knees are weak. I’m shaking and can’t stop the tears that keep randomly falling. Y/N means everything to me; more than the band, the job, the money, fuck my own life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect her. If I lose her; if he takes her from me; I swear to “Noah!” The sound of my name distracts me from my thoughts. I realize I’m right where Jolly said to meet them, seeing Nicholas waving to me up ahead. Drying my face, I proceed to the waiting area. I’m greeted by fists bumps from both Folio and Nick, but Jolly only glares at me, while Matt refuses to even look at me. I know he and Y/N had a thing for each other before we started dating, but somehow I was the one who managed to grab her attention enough to say yes when I asked her out for the first time. The way her whole face lit up when I asked her still gave me butterflies and I found myself, once again, wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I cheated on her. I wasn’t; that's the whole problem.

“Any update?” I ask. Jolly just shakes his head as he continues to stare. “What?’ “Don’t fucking “what” me.” “Yeah, Jolly, I am. I know you hate me right now okay.” “Hate doesn’t even begin to cover it.” I look over at Matt who’s finally acknowledging my presence. “I know,” My gaze drops from him to the floor, unable to look at the pain in my friend's face. “How can you live with yourself right now, Noah?” Matt stands up and walks up to me. “How can you,” but he doesn’t finish, just continues to stare, making me uncomfortable. Matt begins to cry a little harder than he probably means to, and finally walks away towards the bathrooms, giving me some room to breathe. I wipe my eyes, erasing the guilt that’s started to seep again, taking a seat next to Folio who’s pretending to read an outdated motorcycle magazine. Hours pass, making the unknown feel like hell. My hell. The hell I deserve along with all of it's slow, agonizing torture of my soul as the seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn hours. I’m so anxious that I’ve bitten down all my nails and my left leg is aching from bouncing it up and down for too long. Laying my head back, I let myself drift back into one of my favorite memories of us; that time in Virginia. 

_________________________________________

“If you even think about touching me while I'm walking down this fucking muddy trail you so desperately wanted me to come on with you, I swear to the Lord above, Noah Sebastian, I will make you suffer. I hear you and Jolly back there!” “Babe, I have no idea what you're talking about. You must be hearing things.” I was trying my hardest to hide the snicker in my voice, but I knew Y/N was already on to me. When she turned around and looked at me, giving me her best angry face, I melted even more for her than I already had. She was fucking beautiful, sweet, and such a badass; she was mine. I smiled down at her, moving in a little closer and sliding my hand behind her head, bringing her in for a long kiss. I felt her body relax into mine, the same way she always reacted whenever I kissed her. “You already make me suffer; every moment that you're away from me.” Y/N pulled away from me, gazing into my eyes. “Awe, Noah,” she said, her bottom lip, that I desperately wanted to bite and suck on, protruding. The overwhelming way she made me so hard in a matter of seconds and also made me feel like I was the wealthiest and luckiest man in the world was something I was beginning to get used to. I was falling in love with her; and I wasn't afraid to admit it. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I chuckled at the sheepish grin that swept over her face that reddened her cheeks. “No reason. I just really love looking at you.” I kissed her one more time before taking her hand. “Come on. If you go down, then I'm going down too, how's that.” Her face brightened. “I like that,” she grinned. “Dude, this shit is fucking gross. I usually don't mind mud, but this,” Folio, groaned, lifting up his boot that was cover in thick, greenish, brownish mud. “Whose fucking idea was it to take this particular trail, anyway?” “Matt,” Jolly, Nicholas, Y/N, and I said in unison. “What the fuck! You know you could've said no,” Matt hollered, walking a little further ahead of us.

Just when I thought everything was good, the very next step Y/N took was our demise. Down, she went, ass to the mud, slipping and sliding a few inches down the trail, dragging me with her. Her squeals of I don't know at the point we're all that could be heard as she laid on her back, the back of her shirt and pants soaked in the god-awful muck. I held my laugh, suppressing it as much as I could even though Matt and Folio had already busted out laughing. “Babe? Baby, are you okay?” Even though my ass was wet and muddy, I knew it was nothing compared to Y/N's. Nick helped me up, wishing me luck, and I carefully made my way down the path to help her. Her eyes were closed, and for a second, I thought maybe she was seriously hurt. “Y/N, are you hurt?” I saw her grin before I felt the sting of the mud hit me in the face, slapping me relentlessly. “Shit!” I cried, wondering if this was how bad Y/N's ass felt every time I spanked it during sex. If so, maybe I should find a different kink. “Fucking hell, that hurt.” “ Yeah? Well so does my back, fucker,” she lashed out even though it was through a laugh. “Fair enough.” I squatted next to her, offering my support, only to have her tackle me and push me into the mud. “There, now we're even,” she giggled, leaning over top of me. She kissed me, slipping her tongue slyly into my mouth, sending all kinds of signals through my body. But the bad boy side of me wanted revenge as I grabbed a handful of mud and smashed it in the side of her face. A look of great surprise flashed across her face as her eyes widened. I had a feeling I was going to regret that later on, but knowing how fucking amazing intense rough sex was with Y/N, I gladly welcomed it with open arms.  Pretty soon, after a few more handfuls of back and forth mud throwing, Y/N and I were covered in mud. But we were happy; she was the perfect image of what my happiness was.

“If you two children are finished, the rest of us grown-ups would like to finish our hike.” “Fuck you, Karlsson,” I said, holding up the middle finger to Jolly who playfully smiled as he passed us, refusing to help either one of us up. “What the fuck ever, I guess it's you and me Babe,” I announced, looking over at Y/N. “Yeah, just like always.” 

“I lie to myself like it's not too late, convinced the past can still be changed, We know it's gone, but I can't move on I wanna rewind, but it just replays Jumping on a hand grenade, but it won't go off , no, it won't go off.

The love we made that night was some of the best we'd ever had. I fucked her so slowly, soft at first then harder each time she cried out for more, taking my time to make sure she felt every part of me while I tried to commit to memory every way she felt while I was side her. It was the first time I'd ever made her cum more than twice. She fought with me at first, told me she wasn't letting me anywhere near her because of what happened earlier. “Me withholding sex from you is your punishment,” she said. So, I wrestled her, showing her just how dominant I could be when she chose to be a brat, and I won in the end, obviously. I left my handprint on her ass, caring nothing about the way it might have felt, like I did earlier. Y/N was mine; and she needed to be reminded that she was. Then there was the way she rode me, hands pressing hard against my chest as I watched her enjoy the pleasure she was getting from me. Her breast's filled my hands as she took what she wanted from me, crying my name like an innocent prayer. I came so fucking hard that I left scratches down the sides of her legs. I don't think another night has ever topped that; not even the night that has led to this fucking hell I'm now sitting in. Deciding to take a walk, making Nick promise me he'll text me if there's news, I find myself wandering the Emergency Room halls.

_________________________________________

Overwhelmed by the memories and the emotions, I enter the chapel that's here to bring whatever comfort a person longs for in their time of need. It's empty; just an altar, a cross, a lot of chairs, and a few dim lights. I take a seat closer to the front, wiping my eyes again, though this time I'm not ashamed of the tears. I deserve them. I fucked up so bad and now I'm left in Y/N’s wake to deal with the guilt and heartache that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I bit my knuckles while slowly rocking back and forth, letting the tears of anger, tears of hurt and pain, tears of fear, run down my cheeks and fall to the floor below. Then I begin to do something I haven't done since I was a kid; something my grandma taught me to use in the moments when I didn’t know what else to do; I pray.

“I know you're listening; I know you can hear me. Y/N is fucking innocent. She doesn't deserve to pay for the crimes I've committed.” I squeeze my eyes closed, releasing more tears, sniffling. “I know I've fucked up and I'm guessing I've made you pretty angry if you think an innocent girl deserves to take my place in death. But, I'm telling you now,” stopping as my voice starts to break apart. I'm sobbing, falling to my knees as my hands drape over the back of the chair in front of me. “God, I'm fucking begging you, take me first. Switch our places, somehow, some way and fucking take me first. I can't live with this pain, God!” I drop down seething through my teeth. “Ughhh, fucking shit, motherfucker! It hurts too much, do you hear me!” I push the chairs in front of me so hard they go flying and hit the bottom of the altar. That's all it takes before I'm lifting chair after chair and throwing it across the room. “I'm sorry I hurt her, I'm sorry I broke her heart, just please, I'm fucking begging you, don't take her from me. Take Me First.” My shoulders slump and my arms fall to my sides. I'm out of breath, crying in between each one. I’m emotionally drained and feel uncomfortably numb, so numb that I don't feel the vibration of my phone at first. I pull it out not expecting what I see. 

Today 4:32am

Nick: Y/N'S AWAKE!!!! GET HERE NOW!!!

Everything around me stops. A loud ringing echoes in my ears, piercing the very inner and making me cringe. This can’t really be how it works is it? I get pissed off, throw a fit, and my prayer is answered; there’s more to it, right? My eyes drift upwards, and I’m suddenly feeling a little ashamed. Especially when I take a look around the room and see the mess I’ve made. Fuck. I’m going to have to clean this up before I leave the hospital. But first I need to go see Y/N. “Thank you,” I whisper as I walk toward the door to leave, but before I do I turn around and focus on the simple cross sitting in the middle of the table at the foot of the altar. Suddenly, hope doesn’t seem impossible. I believe more now than before, that Y/N and I might be able to fix this horrible broken mess. 

All the guys are in the room surrounding Y/N. She’s lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of machines with tubes and cables attached to her and going everywhere. One of her legs and arms are in a cast, and a huge bandage is wrapped around her head. Bruising is visible on her face along with a busted lip. Seeing all of this shatters my heart into a million pieces, destroying what little bit of it was left. I stand outside the room, gazing in on her. Matt’s at her side, holding her hand, talking to her about god only knows what. Probably anything to distract her from reality, and she’s partially smiling at whatever he’s saying. Despite everything, Y/N looks happy. When her eyes shift to look at me, I see the same beautiful light in them I’ve grown used to seeing all these years and I can’t help but smile back, causing everyone to turn and look my way.

Nicholas comes out wearing a grave expression that chills every part of me. I know what he’s about to say isn’t easy, so I brace myself for it. He takes me by the arm, pulling me off to the side, out of Y/N’s sights. “What is it Nick? What’s wrong? Y/N’s dying isn’t she? She’s not going to make it, shit, oh my god,” I run my hands through my hair as I turn back around and stare back into the room at her. I’m shaking so bad I can barely stand, so I brace myself against the wall for support. "Will you chill the fuck out Noah, just for a minute, and listen to me! Y/N’s not dying. She’s going to be okay. She has a lot of injuries that are going to take a lot of time to heal, but she’s going to be fine.” I exhale, looking Nick in the eyes for the first time. “Really?” I ask, through blurry eyes. He smiles at me, throwing his hand on my shoulder. “Really, bro. She’s good. But there is something you’ve got to know. She said she didn’t want to tell you herself because you might not believe her.” My forehead creases as I frown. “What do you mean, something else?” Nick licks his lips, looks over into the room, and takes a deep breath. “Nick, what the fuck dude, what is it?” His green eyes meet mine and in absolute seriousness he says, “Y/N’s pregnant.”

[galedekarios]

Honestly that was something that I had noticed, they some parts of his story seemed to have less than others. For example, I didn't even romance Astarion and yet his story seemed to have more conclusion than Gales

yes, absolutely.

that's what i meant by the scene disparity and that larian has an obvious bias. there are far better posts detailing it, but you can feel how much the other characters needed the same amount of scenes and attention that have been given to ast*rion in spades, who has 9 regular scenes and 6 romance scenes.

compare that to gale who has 6 regular scenes and 3 romance scenes, some of which don't even trigger properly at all, like the boat scene in act iii.

and speaking of conclusions or having fulfilling arcs, i'll very briefly here speak on how much the whiplash you get from the way gale's arc has been written bothers me:

(i still have to order my thoughts a bit better on this so excuse me if i'm rambling again.)

in act i and ii, the narrative is very obviously set up in a way that recognises that gale, too, like all other companions was in a relationship that had a great and massive power imbalance and that the person (or god, in gale's case) who holds the power intends to use him for their own ends.

the player can voice that to elminster, to gale, and the other companions voice that as well, including their disapproval of what is demanded of gale by this powerful being using him (well, most of them do, apart from ast*rion).

yet in act iii, it's all turned on its head. in order for gale to have what the game clearly intends to be the "good" ending, you have to push him towards seeking mystra's forgiveness. it's the only way to have the alternate version of the boat scene, too.

he is the only companion who is made to do so. the only one. imagine making shadowheart return to shar after everything she has been put through and have that being portrayed as the good ending. or forcing wyll to continue to be indebted to mizora.

companions who, so far, have voiced their negative feelings on this relationship speak like that never was a thing with the exception of a handful of them, like a selunite shadowheart.

elminster does a 180 as well, going from at least implied to feel sorry and doubting what he had to do in act ii (even more so in a gale origin playthrough) to fully supporting mystra's actions and chastising the player if they dare to question her intentions/remark on how she hurt gale.

it's... i don't know.

[misshoneyimhome]

I apologize if this was requested already after reading last night's chapter i got inspired innocence kink + breeding kink + daddy kink jewelry fetish + cum play + slight degradation + overstimulation + hand kink + exhibitionist i don't know about the daddy kink but i'm down with professor nylander

Oh, I’ve missed Professor Nylander 🫦💦 he’s such a good one to work on when you’re in need of something extra naughty and filthy 😈 😏 

And babe, I don’t think anyone has ever requested all of this (at least not at the same time 😉) but it did give me a lot to work with 😊🤍 Though I did forget about the breeding kink... my apologies!

Still hope you enjoy it 🙏🏼

Warnings; 18+ smut; oral sex (m receiving); fingering; unprocted sex (p in v); dom/sub (ish); basically everything in the request ⬆️

Word count; 5.6K

[Prof!Willy x reader]

・✶ ｡ﾟ

Please, excuse me I don't mean to be rude… But tonight I'm fuckin' you I William Nylander [AU] 🖋️⚡️💦

You just couldn't stop staring. The way his arm moved, his strong hand gripping the pen as he wrote on the board in the lecture hall had you completely captivated.

You were in your usual spot for Professor Nylander's class, but your thoughts were elsewhere.

It had been a few weeks since you'd had that little chat on the sofa, and though you hadn't talked about labels or anything further, what you knew was: a) neither of you were sleeping with anyone else, b) he'd shown jealousy when Josh Adams tried to flirt with you, and c) you didn't appreciate Angie Turner's attempts to come onto him.

And d) even though it was all kinds of wrong, you found yourself falling deeper into your relationship with Professor William Nylander.

In your mind, he was the most attractive man alive, and there was no one else for you. No one could compare to him, so all you could think was that you needed to get through the final months and exams, and then you could be together.

Well, if William was up for it, of course. You weren't entirely sure what was going on in his head. Every time you crossed paths, he kept it neutral and calm but when it was just the two of you, he could rock your world for hours.

And William was definitely skilled when it came to sex. The way his mouth worked on your sweet little tight core, could make your head spin. It was like he used magic when he added his fingers to the mix, curling them to hit your most sensitive spot and send you into overdrive.

Moreover, his member was nothing to be embarrassed about either. William had confidence, and you knew exactly why. Not just from his physical training as a child and teenager, aiming to become a professional hockey player before an ankle injury ended that dream. But also, from his skilled... well, everything. He was creative, to say the least. And to top it all off, his member had that slight curve to the right, hitting just the right spot over and over again.

However, your relationship had also slowly become more romantic and tender. Though you couldn’t go on public dates for obvious reasons, he had treated you to dinner a few times now, enjoyed at his place. Sometimes on the couch in front of the telly, which may or may not lead to passionate snogging sessions. And sometimes at the dining table, a romantic setting that may or may not end in a passionate encounter on the surface.

Alright, needless to say, your relationship was filled with raw and mind-blowing sex.

And today was no different.

As you watched him intently during the lesson, you had to stop yourself from biting your lip. His suit looked particularly sharp today, fitting nicely around his bum, and his rolled-up sleeves revealed his strong arms. He'd opted for dark grey trousers and a semi-loose white shirt, and you couldn't help but imagine how you'd unbutton it later.

Shaking your head to snap back to reality, you cleared your throat and refocused. Yet, as always, you felt a little tempted to stir things up, maybe ensuring you'd definitely get some action later. So, you sent him a text.

"Can’t wait to have those hands on me 🫦 you’re turning me on just by writing"

It wasn't anything too wild, but you knew it would provoke a reaction from William, and you couldn't wait to see how he'd respond.

**

You didn't feel sorry about what you’d done during the lecture. At least, not at first.

After the call, William had naturally invited you to join him for dinner, but that evening's meal turned out to be more than just a serving of Italian takeaway.

First things first were that he’d asked you to dress nicely - which you knew in his world meant something that was easy to discard and could/should include a skirt of a sort.  So naturally, you opted for another schoolgirl-like outfit; the “Hit me Baby one more time” era inspired look, just a tad more modern. 

You wore socks just below the knee, a red checkered skirt, a white blouse (no time for buttons), and your long-curled locks styled in a half-up 'do with space buns, giving it a cute, innocent vibe.

And William was left speechless when he saw you. His jaw almost dropped as he looked at your outfit and your cute smile. Did he maybe have a bit of a daddy kink? Perhaps, but he didn’t mind. He knew you were a mature adult, taking responsibility for your own actions, and your relationship was consensual. He trusted that you would speak up if you weren’t comfortable with these kinds of intimate actions with him, so he didn’t dwell too much on whether it was right or wrong.

Moreover, you didn’t complain either. Your professor wasn’t just attractive, but he was attentive too, ensuring all your needs were met and prioritising you first - something guys your age weren’t always too concerned about.

So, after the delicious dinner where you’d playfully re-enacted a scene akin to the lady and the tramp with the spaghetti, you found yourself swiftly in his lap, straddling him - not exactly ladylike.

Your tongues intertwined as you shared a deep, hungry kiss, his hands resting on your buttocks while yours were tangled in his hair. It was passionate and messy, your fingers lightly pulling on his locks as his hands squeezed your cheeks.

The urge to let your hips rock against him was irresistible, your pulsating core pressing against his slowly hardening member. But William stopped you. Sensing his trousers becoming tighter around his crotch, he pulled back, allowing you both to catch your breath.

“I’ve got something for you…” he murmured, his hands still holding onto you firmly.

“Mmm... I can feel that,” you teasingly remarked, allowing yourself to rock a few more times.

“Not just that, babe,” he chuckled lightly, before gently moving you off his lap and walking to the desk to retrieve a small black box. Returning to the sofa and sitting next to you once more, he opened it.

Inside was a white-gold necklace with two charms: one bearing a W, and the other a locker.

You were taken aback. Had he actually bought you a gift? Did that mean you were more to him than just a sexual partner?

Suddenly, you realised you were holding your breath. Snapping back to reality, you let out a deep breath and flashed him a smile.

“Wow, Willy... it’s incredibly beautiful,” you spoke softly. “But you didn’t have to do that…” You tried to act as if this wasn��t the sweetest thing any man had ever done for you, but you couldn’t contain your excitement.

“I know... but I wanted to... since we can’t be officially together, at least I could show you that I wanted more than just... sex,” he admitted softly, offering you a mix of a smile and a smirk. “It doesn’t have to mean anything special; I just thought it looked nice, and you deserve to be treated like a princess.”

His words were incredibly sweet, and you couldn’t help but let the smile spread across your face.

“Oh, Willy, I love it,” you replied, sincerely looking into his eyes.

“Well, then turn around.”

And without hesitation, you did. Lifting your hair, you allowed William to gently place the slightly cold piece of jewellery around your neck, followed by his lips tenderly planting a few butterfly kisses behind your ear.

However sweet and romantic the moment was, there was an undeniable sense of sincere commitment hanging in the air, alongside a mutual longing for each other.

And as William gently nipped your earlobe, he then growled deeply. “Now… where were we?”

You couldn’t help but gulp lightly as his voice sent shivers down your spine, a slight tingling occurring between your legs.

Then, very slowly, William let his large hand gently wrap around your neck, his mouth moving to the opposite side as he spoke huskily once again. “So, you want to feel my hands on you? You want me to touch you?” He asked rhetorically, referring to your naughty text from earlier.

With another gulp, you carefully nodded under his grip, a soft ‘mmm’ confirming his questions.

“Good girl…” he softly muttered, his praise sending signals straight to your eager core. “Then go to the bed and wait for instructions.”

And again, without hesitation, you immediately complied. Rising from your seat as William released his hold, you made your way to the bed and stood waiting, just as he had instructed.

You stood with your back to him, facing the king-size bed, as you heard him unbuckling his belt. And as he kept you waiting for a few more minutes, you assumed he’d undressed completely - and you were right.

As he drew nearer to you, you felt his bare chest against your back, his hands freely roaming your curves as he breathed near your hair.

“Take off your clothes and bend over,” he ordered simply. But as you slowly removed your blouse and bra, he stopped you. “Keep the skirt and socks on.”

And naturally, you obeyed. And as you stood with your arse exposed to him, hands resting on the bed for support, you once again felt his hands on you, sliding beneath the fabric of your skirt to find your underwear. With a quick motion, he pulled them down, allowing you to step out of them.

You tried to maintain your composure, but despite controlling your breath, you couldn't help but gasp as his thick fingers traced up your folds.

“Mmm… so wet for me, baby girl…”

William was thoroughly pleased with what he found, and as he continued to explore your flesh with his fingers, he relished in the soft moans he elicited from your lips. Occasionally touching your clit gently, he knew he was making you feel good, yet he didn’t give you everything right away. You had to earn it. Instead, he slowly inserted two fingers past your entrance, effortlessly stretching you.

You were dripping for him. And as he moved his fingers in and out of your core, you felt the pleasurable sensation that only he could bring. The way he curled his fingers upwards just right had him hitting your sweet spot repeatedly. And your eager moans conveyed nothing else but how much you were enjoying it.

The sound of your wet pussy echoed through the room as William picked up the pace, his other hand supporting your lower back as he noticed your legs trembling slightly.

You had to shut your eyes as the stimulation intensified, a knot forming in your stomach and your mind entering a foggy state. You sensed an impending orgasm approaching, knowing it wouldn’t be long if he kept this speed.

And William gladly persisted. Taking pleasure in the sight before him as he observed how responsive you were to him, with moans and deep breaths escaping you with each thrust, he then intensified his movements. Fingering you vigorously, he was intent on bringing you to climax, and he knew your body intimately, giving him the confidence to know just how to push you over the edge.

As his fingering sent waves of pleasure through your body, your moans grew louder, your hands gripping the bedsheets tightly. You were so close. Incoherent breaths escaped you as William drove you towards ecstasy, and finally, you felt the climax nearing.

“Mmm… oh, Willy… I’m gonna cum,” you whimpered quietly. And as he maintained the intense speed, William let you reach your peak, causing you to bow your head, moan out his name in a sensual scream, before having to take in deep breaths to recover.

It took almost a minute for you to come down from the high, and as you suddenly felt the absence of his fingers withdrawing from your pussy, you heard him chuckle darkly behind you. “Done already? Oh, baby girl, we’re just getting started.”

With those words, you realised the night had only just begun.

And it didn’t take long before William firmly grasped you, pushed you down onto your knees, and tapped your lips, signalling you to open your mouth. The ease with which he could slide his hard length into your warmth, pressing it deeper into your throat as you skilfully took him, left him thoroughly satisfied.

You were talented, he had to give you that. Working his shaft with both your mouth and hand to please him. Breathing through your nose, you did your utmost to show him just how skilled you were, while coating his shaft with saliva as he guided your head. Then pulling back to catch your breath while still stroking him, before eagerly taking him back in.

“Mmm, you're so good to me,” William moaned softly as he leaned his head back slightly, relishing in the pleasure you were giving him. His hand gripped tightly onto your hair, and as he felt his climax approaching, he wanted to pull away, not wanting to finish just yet. But you were making him feel too good to stop.

Rocking his hips slightly against your movements, he let himself succumb to the impending release. “Fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum…” he warned. And by the time you pulled away to catch your breath, he looked down at you with intense eyes, gripping his member firmly as he eagerly stroked it. “Stick out your tongue.”

Once again, you obeyed his command. Then, with a deep grunt and his eyes rolling back in his head, William released himself all over your mouth, chin, and cheek. He painted your face like a canvas, marking you as his own.

And as he slowly opened his eyes, coming down from the high, he admired his handiwork. While you remained in position, he gently ran his thumb over your lips, delicately playing with his own cum as he enjoyed the sight of you on your knees.

“My little cum slut…” he murmured as he smeared some of the stickiness onto your lips for you to taste.

“Mmm…” you hummed as you gently sucked his thumb, then licked your lips to savour more of him.

It was intensely arousing for him to watch, but he was still eager to feel himself inside your warmth. And being the gentleman he was, he allowed you a moment to wipe your face before pulling you onto the bed, pressing you down as he pinned your hands on either side of your head.

Your core was still tingling from the first orgasm, but William was also still hard, craving for more, so he didn’t give you any time to rest. With a forceful thrust, he easily slipped his cock into your cunt, and instinctively, you wrapped your legs around his hips.

William fucked you deeply, almost reaching places you hadn't known existed, sending your mind spinning with pleasure.

And as he repeatedly hit your sweet spot, he couldn't help but grin at the loud, uninhibited moans he was eliciting from you, which only spurred him on to increase his thrusts.

His grip around your wrists tightened as he pounded into you, his length stimulating your walls with every thrust. It was almost overwhelming for you to handle. William was relentless. His self-control waned as your pussy felt so good wrapped around his cock, and his sole mission was to push you over the edge.

And he was succeeding. You could feel another orgasm building within you, your mind clouded as you were filled inside and stimulated in your core.

“Mmm, fuck, Willy… I’m gonna cum…” you whispered in a soft cry, your eyes rolling back as he pushed you closer.

“That’s it, cum for me, baby… show me what a good slut you are for me…”

And that was all it took for you to arch your back beneath him, your walls tightening around his member as you let the ecstasy take over once more. It was intense. His dominant demeanour was overwhelming, and as you embraced your role as his good girl, you simply tried to take him so well.

Then as you began to come down from the high, William admired you, revelling in how he could make you feel. Releasing your hands and sitting back, he couldn't help but gaze at the necklace he'd given you, a symbol of your relationship's deep connection, trust, and comfort.

However, the tender moment was short-lived as he withdrew his length, took a firm hold of you, and spun you around onto your hands and knees. Which was undoubtedly his favourite position. It gave him ultimate power to thrust deeply and vigorously, while also providing you with incredible sensations.

He then gave your cheek a firm spank, eliciting a little squeak from you before plunging back into your core.

“Shit…” you muttered as he swiftly increased his pace, once again stimulating you deeply with rapid and forceful thrusts, just as he knew you liked it.

But it was too much. His hips pounded harder and harder against your bum, surely leaving a reddened mark. And as his fingers dug into your hips, you felt your cunt dripping with juices, trailing down the inside of your thigh. You cried out loud with every thrust, feeling like nothing more than a piece of meat for his pleasure.

But it was all part of the role play. As your mind turned to mush, your vision blurred, and your fingers clenched the sheets, you allowed yourself to edge closer to another climax. The impending orgasm forming as William rapidly moved his cock in and out, overstimulating your walls.

“Willy… Mmm… I can’t…” you cried out as your body started to feel numb and spent from his vigorous fucking.

“What's that?” he spoke, still thrusting at the same intense speed. “Can't handle me, baby? Not being a good little slut for me?”

But you couldn't form a coherent response. Instead, you moaned and whimpered as he delivered another hard spank to your ass, leaving it a solid red hue. Then, he moved his hand to your neck once more, his other hand finding your lower abdomen as he firmly pulled you up and held you against his chest.

His pace slowed slightly in the new position, allowing you to catch your breath, yet his firm grip remained thrilling and dominant. And as he growled once more in your ear, you couldn’t help but gasp.

“Hmm… I know you're a good girl… my little princess,” his deep voice echoed in your ear, his hand maintaining a firm grip around your throat without restricting your airways. “Your cunt is made for me…” He then moved his hand slightly to touch the necklace... “And you belong to me… you’re mine.”

His words were like a spell as he spoke huskily. And with his cock deeply buried inside you, thrusting hard and deep, you couldn’t help but surrender to him once more.

“I’m yours…”

And as if those were the magic words, William pounded vigorously a few more times before allowing you to reach your final climax, your muscles tightening around him, causing him to release himself into you. He let out a deep grunt as he spilled his cum, painting your walls just as he had your face. Then, gently releasing his hold on you, he guided you back to support yourself on the mattress.

Your head hung low as you gasped for air, your mind still fuzzy as you slowly opened your eyes. Then you heard William chuckle darkly behind you as he slowly withdrew his cock and spread your cheeks apart.

“Mmm… show me how good of a cum slut you are…”

He watched your pussy intently, relishing the sight of his dripping cum from your core. Then, delicately, he used a finger to glide through your sensitive folds, eliciting another light gasp from you. He then picked up some of his fluids and traced it up your cheeks, over your butthole, and to your lower back.

The air hung heavy as you both needed to calm down and return to reality. And when William had finished playing with his cum and marking you as his own, he broke the comfortable silence.

“Come on, baby, I think you need a shower.”

It was an unspoken way of returning to the romantic relationship that had developed between you, away from the dom/sub role play. William's attentive and mature nature made him a wonderful and caring person, ensuring you didn't actually feel like a slut, despite the names he used during your most intense moments.

And as he held you close under the water, you felt nothing but comfort and solace in his embrace. Yet, you couldn’t help but wonder something.

“So… the necklace, Willy,” you smoothly turned in his arms and gazed up at him. “Does that mean… we’re exclusive?”

Your voice almost trembled as you asked. You didn’t want to seem needy or anything of the sort, but you needed confirmation. And William simply smiled as he locked eyes with you, his thumb tracing over your lower lip as he considered how to articulate his response.

And with a gentle nod, he conveyed his thoughts. “Yes, baby… we’re exclusive.

[nyxwanderland]

♡ boyfriend iwaizumi hajime

pairing → iwaizumi hajime x reader genre → fluffwarnings → none word count → 611

• boyfriend iwaizumi is usually rough and blunt in his actions and words, but he tries to be as gentle as possible if it's you. • you don't mind because you know he's trying to be better and you appreciate him his efforts.

• boyfriend iwaizumi loves doing skin care with you. • he is going to complain the entire time, like "ah shit, it's too cold." or "how long will it take for this to dry?" and also "don't peel it off! it hurts!!" • but he will certainly join you for another session again.

• boyfriend iwaizumi sends you memes at any time of the day, whether it be in the morning before leaving for work or at 2:30 am. • "this you lol." • and you HAVE to send another one back to match his energy.

• boyfriend iwaizumi crashes at your apartment whenever he has an exhausting day and doesn't feel like driving to his place. • one reason may be that his workplace is closer to yours than it is to his. • but you surely know that the main reason is your company and the meals that you feed him yourself. • he sometimes stays the night as he demands your cuddles and featherlight strokes on his back before going to sleep.

• boyfriend iwaizumi wakes up way before you and just stares lovingly at your sleeping face, chuckling a bit as he wipes off the drool from your chin. • he takes some photos of you before you wake up from your slumber as well.

• boyfriend iwaizumi doesn't know how to cook, but he just watches you prepare breakfast for both of you in the kitchen, occasionally kissing your neck whenever you walk past him. • once, he tried to make breakfast while you were sleeping. • and... he burned the eggs. • you do teach him some basic recipes from time to time so that he doesn't starve himself to death when he's at his own place.

• boyfriend iwaizumi identifies as the 'sunshine protector' and his pronouns are protect/atallcosts. • not the oh-so-protective type; he knows you can take care of yourself and trusts you wholeheartedly. • the protective mode is on when he finds anyone looking at you with unholy intentions or harassing you. • he WILL punch the living hell out of the said person.

• boyfriend iwaizumi is used to getting his ass smacked by you every now and then. • he doesn't really understand why you're obsessed with his butt, although you try your best to explain to him that his ass is delicious you just can't help it. • you find yourself touching his biceps and chest as well. • "...you good, y/n?" "excuse me? it's not my fault you have insane body proportions."

• boyfriend iwaizumi is super touchy. • he just can't walk with you unless he's touching you. • your arms brushing past each other, holding hands, his arm around your waist or shoulders—he just has to keep touching you otherwise he won't function.

• boyfriend iwaizumi melts when you take the initiative to kiss him first. • it's usually the other way around, but when you suddenly kiss him out of the blue, his face turns as red as a cherry. • he may show annoyance, but of course he loves it so much. he just hates to admit it.

• boyfriend iwaizumi will leave everything behind just to tend to your needs if you're having a bad day. • he buys you your favourite snacks and other stuff to cheer you up. • he lets you cry on his shoulder; it doesn't matter if your tears or even your snot is ruining his shirt.

• boyfriend iwaizumi goes above and beyond just to see you smile. he loves you more than just to the moon and back.

[funnyburneracct]

Hi, I'm Xiao/burningrqs. this post is going to be long. Posting this from a burner so that it doesn't go down the drain when we deactivate.

But essentially, this is an apology to the radqueer community for multiple different things. I'm going to do my best to type this out as well as possible, and I apologize if I miss anything or word things poorly. I am going to explain myself to the best of my abilities, but please keep in mind that my explanations do not excuse my actions by any means.

Post under the cut.

for those who don't want to read it though, TL;DR: I was a complete asshole and I'm genuinely very sorry about it.

So, I want to start off by apologizing in general for the "burning radqueers" thing. Not only was it just not funny, but it was also really weird. I know damn well that if I saw someone pop up with a "burningmogais" blog or something, I would be pissed. So I don't know what made me think that running burningradqueers was a good idea in any sense.

My rude and dehumanizing comments did not help. Regardless of how I view people, what disorders I have, or how symptoms present themselves, it was disgusting of me to act as though I can't be held accountable for my cruelty towards others.

The targeted posts were even worse, and allowing people to just pick a random blog to "burn" was teetering on harassment. It put the user in front of so many people who clearly did not have good intentions towards them, and inherently put the user being "burnt" in danger. I wish I noticed that fact sooner. Even if I disagreed with people or didn't like them for whatever reason, I still should not have felt as though I had the right to post stuff like that.

Adding onto that, I should have never used my ASPD as an excuse for anything. I tend to get defensive when I feel insulted, which is what happened, and I decided to bite back despite being in the wrong. I acted impulsively and out of pure anger, and then tried to defend it, which I shouldn't have. When saying the kinds of things I did, I am open to criticism whether I like that fact or not, and trying to act as though I am immune to that criticism because of a disorder was disgusting on my part.

Another thing, somewhat on a similar note, is that an apology is owed for my hostility in general. Every time it was even lightly suggested I was wrong, I seemed to lash out and get angry. This really just comes down to me needing to learn to admit my wrongs. I should not have made my inability to understand my wrongdoings anyone else's problem.

Then there's also the things I said when I lashed out before deciding to drop burningradqueers entirely. I don't fully remember all of what I said as the event happened during an episode (this does not excuse my words at all by the way. regardless of my state at the time, what I said wasn't okay and should not be excused) and the posts have since been deleted. But, I do remember at one point making harassment out to be a competition of sorts when someone was simply trying to calmly explain to my why the namedropping was not a good move. I can't for the life of me remember why I did that, but I am very sorry about it. A lot of people in the radqueer community have been harassed (and likely do still get harassed constantly), and for me to act like I am the only victim of harassment was wrong on multiple levels.

I'm sure there was a lot of bad stuff I said during that episode, but as I said, I do not remember most of it. I'm sorry that I can't apologize for the specific things I said, but I am apologizing for the situation as a whole.

The entire thing started over me not being able to handle much deserved criticism, and I stood "my ground" despite having absolutely no ground to stand on.

I started burningradqueers over baseless hatred. I didn't know why I was supposed to hate radqueers, or what I was even really hating. I joined the anti community thinking that it is much easier to just move with the pack and hate what everyone else seems to hate, but hatred really isn't that easy. It's exhausting. And realizing how much the anti community really wouldn't want me if I was honest about things made me realize that. Realizing that there are so many antis who would rather see us suffer forever due to dysphoria than see us live happily after getting amputations was rough, and honestly kinda gave me a taste of what radqueers have to deal with every single day, and it felt horrible.

Without realizing it, I managed to do so much damage to a community full of people who deal with exactly the same things I do, a community that is mostly traumatized and mentally ill people who are just trying to get by. Not even just that, but genuinely just people trying to exist and be honest about themselves.

It is not my place to dictate what is and isn't valid in terms of someone's personal identity, and even more, it's not okay for me to treat a whole community like garbage just because I didn't understand it.

Again, I do not want my actions to be excused. I treated people horribly and was a total dick, but I hope that me apologizing can at least make some of you feel better about how I behaved.