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racefortheironthrone · 2 years

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Why People Are Wrong About the Puritans of the English Civil War and New England

Oh well, if you all insist, I suppose I can write something.

(oh good, my subtle scheme is working...)

Introduction:

So the Puritans of the English Civil War is something I studied in graduate school and found endlessly fascinating in its rich cultural complexity, but it's also a subject that is popularly wildly misunderstood because it's caught in the jaws of a pair of distorted propagandistic images.

On the one hand, because the Puritans settled colonial New England, since the late 19th century they've been wrapped up with this nationalist narrative of American exceptionalism (that provides a handy excuse for schoolteachers to avoid talking about colonial Virginia and the centrality of slavery to the origins of the United States). If you went to public school in the United States, you're familiar with the old story: the United States was founded by a people fleeing religious persecution and seeking their freedom, who founded a society based on social contracts and the idea that in the New World they were building a city on a hill blah blah America is an exceptional and perfect country that's meant to be an example to the world, and in more conservative areas the whole idea that America was founded as an explicitly Christian country and society. Then on the other hand, you have (and this is the kind of thing that you see a lot of on Tumblr) what I call the Matt Damon-in-Good-Will-Hunting, "I just read Zinn's People's History of the United States in U.S History 101 and I'm home for my first Thanksgiving since I left for colleg and I'm going to share My Opinions with Uncle Burt" approach. In this version, everything in the above nationalist narrative is revealed as a hideous lie: the Puritans are the source of everything wrong with American society, a bunch of evangelical fanatics who came to New England because they wanted to build a theocracy where they could oppress all other religions and they're the reason that abortion-banning, homophobic and transphobic evangelical Christians are running the country, they were all dour killjoys who were all hopelessly sexually repressed freaks who hated women, and the Salem Witch Trials were a thing, right?

And if anyone spares a thought to examine the role that Puritans played in the English Civil War, it basically short-hands to Oliver Cromwell is history's greatest monster, and didn't they ban Christmas?

Here's the thing, though: as I hope I've gotten across in my posts about Jan Hus, John Knox, and John Calvin, the era of the Reformation and the Wars of Religion that convulsed the Early Modern period were a time of very big personalities who were complicated and not very easy for modern audiences to understand, because of the somewhat oblique way that Early Modern people interpreted and really believed in the cultural politics of religious symbolism. So what I want to do with this post is to bust a few myths and tease out some of the complications behind the actual history of the Puritans.

Did the Puritans Experience Religious Persecution?

Yes, but that wasn't the reason they came to New England, or at the very least the two periods were divided by some decades. To start at the beginning, Puritans were pretty much just straightforward Calvinists who wanted the Church of England to be a Calvinist Church. This was a fairly mainstream position within the Anglican Church, but the "hotter sort of Protestant" who started to organize into active groups during the reigns of Elizabeth and James I were particularly sensitive to religious symbolism they (like the Hussites) felt smacked of Catholicism and especially the idea of a hierarchy where clergy were a better class of person than the laity.

So for example, Puritans really first start to emerge during the Vestments Controversy in the reign of Edward VI where Bishop Hooper got very mad that Anglican priests were wearing the cope and surplice, which he thought were Catholic ritual garments that sought to enhance priestly status and that went against the simplicity of the early Christian Church. Likewise, during the run-up to the English Civil War, the Puritans were extremely sensitive to the installation of altar rails which separated the congregation from the altar - they considered this to be once again a veneration of the clergy, but also a symbolic affirmation of the Catholic doctrine of transubstantiation.

At the same time, they were not the only religious faction within the Anglican Church - and this is where the religious persecution thing kicks in, although it should be noted that this was a fairly brief but very emotionally intense period. Archbishop William Laud was a leading High Church Episcopalian who led a faction in the Church that would become known as Laudians, and he was just as intense about his religious views as the Puritans were about his. A favorite of Charles I and a first advocate of absolutist monarchy, Laud was appointed Archbishop of Canturbury in 1630 and acted quickly to impose religious uniformity of Laudian beliefs and practices - ultimately culminating in the disastrous decision to try imposing Episcopalianism on Scotland that set off the Bishop's Wars. The Puritans were a special target of Laud's wrath: in addition to ordering the clergy to do various things offensive to Puritans that he used as a shibboleth to root out clergy with Puritan sympathies and fire them from their positions in the Church, he established official religious censors who went after Puritan writers like William Prynne for seditious libel and tortured them for their criticisms of his actions, cropping their ears and branding them with the letters SL on their faces. Bringing together the powers of Church and State, Laud used the Court of Star Chamber (a royal criminal court with no system of due process) to go after anyone who he viewed as having Puritan sympathies, imposing sentences of judicial torture along the way.

It was here that the Puritans began to make their first connections to the growing democratic movement in England that was forming in opposition to Charles I, when John Liliburne the founder of the Levellers was targeted by Laud for importing religious texts that criticized Laudianism - Laud had him repeatedly flogged for challenging the constitutionality of the Star Chamber court, and "freeborn John" became a martyr-hero to the Puritans.

When the Long Parliament met in 1640, Puritans were elected in huge numbers, motivated as they were by a combination of resistance to the absolutist monarchism of Charles I and the religious policies of Archbishop Laud - who Parliament was able to impeach and imprison in the Tower of the London in 1641. This relatively brief period of official persecution that powerfully shaped the Puritan mindset was nevertheless disconnected from the phenomena of migration to New England - which had started a decade before Laud became Archbishop of Canterbury and continued decades after his impeachment.

The Puritans Just Wanted to Oppress Everyone Else's Religion:

This is the very short-hand Howard Zinn-esque critique we often see of the Puritan project in the discourse, and while there is a grain of truth to it - in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Congregational Church was the official state religion, no other church could be established without permission from the Congregational Church, all residents were required to pay taxes to support the Congregational Church, and only Puritans could vote. Moreover, there were several infamous incidents where the Puritan establishment put Anne Hutchinson on trial and banished her, expelled Roger Williams, and hanged Quakers.

Here's the thing, though: during the Early Modern period, every single side of every single religious conflict wanted to establish religious uniformity and oppress the heretics: the Catholics did it to the Protestants where they could mobilize the power of the Holy Roman Emperor against the Protestant Princes, the Protestants did it right back to the Catholics when Gustavus Adolphus' armies rolled through town, the Lutherans and the Catholics did it to the Calvinists, and everybody did it to the Anabaptists.

That New England was founded as a Calvinist colony is pretty unremarkable, in the final analysis. (By the by, both Hutchinson and Williams were devout if schismatic Puritans who were firmly of the belief that the Anglican Church was a false church.) What's more interesting is how quickly the whole religious project broke down and evolved into something completely different.

Essentially, New England became a bunch of little religious communes that were all tax-funded, which is even more the case because the Congregationalist Church was a "gathered church" where the full members of the Church (who were the only people allowed to vote on matters involving the church, and were the only ones who were allowed to be given baptism and Communion, which had all kinds of knock-on effects on important social practices like marriages and burials) and were made up of people who had experienced a conversion where they can gained an assurance of salvation that they were definitely of the Elect. You became a full member by publicly sharing your story of conversion (which had a certain cultural schema of steps that were supposed to be followed) and having the other full members accept it as genuine.

This is a system that works really well to bind together a bunch of people living in a commune in the wilderness into a tight-knit community, but it broke down almost immediately in the next generation, leading to a crisis called the Half-Way Covenant.

The problem was that the second generation of Puritans - all men and women who had been baptized and raised in the Congrgeationalist Church - weren't becoming converted. Either they never had the religious awakening that their parents had had, or their narratives weren't accepted as genuine by the first generation of commune members. This meant that they couldn't hold church office or vote, and more crucially it meant that they couldn't receive the sacrament or have their own children baptized.

This seemed to suggest that, within a generation, the Congregationalist Church would essentially define itself into non-existence and between the 1640s and 1650s leading ministers recommended that each congregation (which was supposed to decide on policy questions on a local basis, remember) adopt a policy whereby the children of baptized but unconverted members could be baptized as long as they did a ceremony where they affirmed the church covenant. This proved hugely controversial and ministers and laypeople alike started publishing pamphlets, and voting in opposing directions, and un-electing ministers who decided in the wrong direction, and ultimately it kind of broke the authority of the Congregationalist Church and led to its eventual dis-establishment.

The Puritans are the Reason America is So Evangelical:

This is another area where there's a grain of truth, but ultimately the real history is way more complicated.

Almost immediately from the founding of the colony, the Puritans begin to undergo mutation from their European counterparts - to begin with, while English Puritans were Calvinists and thus believed in a Presbyterian form of church government (indeed, a faction of Puritans during the English Civil War would attempt to impose a Presbyterian Church on England.), New England Puritans almost immediately adopted a congregationalist system where each town's faithful would sign a local religious constitution, elect their own ministers, and decide on local governance issues at town meetings.

This seemed to suggest that, within a generation, the Congregationalist Church would essentially define itself into non-existence and between the 1640s and 1650s leading ministers recommended that each congregation (which was supposed to decide on policy questions on a local basis, remember) adopt a policy whereby the children of baptized but unconverted members could be baptized as long as they did a ceremony where they affirmed the church covenant. This proved hugely controversial and ministers and laypeople alike started publishing pamphlets, and voting in opposing directions, and un-electing ministers who decided in the wrong direction, and accusing one another of being witches. (More on that in a bit.)

And then the Great Awakening - which to be fair, was a major evangelical effort by the Puritan Congregationalist Church, so it's not like there's no link between evangelical - which was supposed to promote Congregational piety ended up dividing the Church and pretty soon the Congregationalist Church is dis-established and it's safe to be a Quaker or even a Catholic on the streets of Boston.

But here's the thing - if we look at which denominations in the United States can draw a direct line from themselves to the Congregationalist Church of the Puritans, it's the modern Congregationalists who are entirely mainstream Protestants whose churches are pretty solidly liberal in their politics, the United Church of Christ which is extremely cultural liberal, and it's the Unitarian Universalists who are practically issued DSA memberships. (I say this with love as a fellow comrade.)

By contrast, modern evangelical Christianity (although there's a complicated distinction between evangelical and fundamentalist that I don't have time to get into) in the United States is made up of an entirely different set of denominations - here, we're talking Baptists, Pentacostalists, Methodists, non-denominational churches, and sometimes Presbyterians.

The Puritans Were Dour Killjoys Who Hated Sex:

This one owes a lot to Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter.

The reality is actually the opposite - for their time, the Puritans were a bunch of weird hippies. At a time when most major religious institutions tended to emphasize the sinful nature of sex and Catholicism in particular tended to emphasize the moral superiority of virginity, the Puritans stressed that sexual pleasure was a gift from God, that married couples had an obligation to not just have children but to get each other off, and both men and women could be taken to court and fined for failing to fulfill their maritial obligations.

The Puritans also didn't have much of a problem with pre-marital sex. As long as there was an absolute agreement that you were going to get married if and when someone ended up pregnant, Puritan elders were perfectly happy to let young people be young people. Indeed, despite the objection of Jonathan Edwards and others there was an (oddly similar to modern Scandinavian customs) old New England custom of "bundling," whereby a young couple would be put into bed together by their parents with a sack or bundle tied between them as a putative modesty shield, but where everyone involved knew that the young couple would remove the bundle as soon as the lights were turned out.

One of my favorite little social circumlocutions is that there was a custom of pretending that a child clearly born out of wedlock was actually just born prematurely to a bride who was clearly nine months along, leading to a rash of surprisingly large and healthy premature births being recorded in the diary of Puritan midwife Martha Ballard. Historians have even applied statistical modeling to show that about 30-40% of births in colonial America were pre-mature.

But what about non-sexual dourness? Well, here we have to understand that, while they were concerned about public morality, the Puritans were simultaneously very strict when it came to matters of religion and otherwise normal people who liked having fun. So if you go down the long list of things that Puritans banned that has landed them with a reputation as a bunch of killjoys, they usually hide some sort of religious motivation.

So for example, let's take the Puritan iconoclastic tendency to smash stained glass windows, whitewash church walls, and smash church organs during the English Civil War - all of these things have to do with a rejection of Catholicism, and in the case of church organs a belief that the only kind of music that should be allowed in church is the congregation singing psalms as an expression of social equality. At the same time, Puritans enjoyed art in a secular context and often had portraits of themselves made and paintings hung on their walls, and they owned musical instruments in their homes.

What about the wearing nothing but black clothing? See, in our time wearing nothing but black is considered rather staid (or Goth), but in the Early Modern period the dyes that were needed to produce pure black cloth were incredibly expensive - so wearing all black was a sign of status and wealth, hence why the Hapsburgs started emphasizing wearing all-black in the same period. However, your ordinary Puritan couldn't afford an all-black attire and would have worn quite colorful (but much cheaper) browns and blues and greens.

What about booze and gambling and sports and the theater and other sinful pursuits? Well, the Puritans were mostly ok with booze - every New England village had its tavern - but they did regulate how much they could serve, again because they were worried that drunkenness would lead to blasphemy. Likewise, the Puritans were mostly ok with gambling, and they didn't mind people playing sports - except that they went absolutely beserk about drinking, gambling, and sports if they happened on the Sabbath because the Puritans really cared about the Sabbath and Charles I had a habit of poking them about that issue. They were against the theater because of its association with prostitution and cross-dressing, though, I can't deny that. On the other hand, the Puritans were also morally opposed to bloodsports like bear-baiting, cock-fighting, and bare-knuckle boxing because of the violence it did to God's creatures, which I guess makes them some of the first animal rights activsts?

They Banned Christmas:

Again, this comes down to a religious thing, not a hatred of presents and trees - keep in mind that the whole presents-and-trees paradigm of Christmas didn't really exist until the 19th century and Dickens' Christmas Carol, so what we're really talking about here is a conflict over religious holidays - so what people were complaining about was not going to church an extra day in the year. I don't get it, personally.

See, the thing is that Puritans were known for being extremely close Bible readers, and one of the things that you discover almost immediately if you even cursorily read the New Testament is that Christ was clearly not born on December 25th. Which meant that the whole December 25th thing was a false religious holiday, which is why they banned it.

The Puritans Were Democrats:

One thing that I don't think Puritans get enough credit for is that, at a time when pretty much the whole of European society was some form of monarchist, the Puritans were some of the few people out there who really committed themselves to democratic principles.

As I've already said, this process starts when John Liliburne, an activist and pamphleteer who promoted the concept of universal human rights (what he called "freeborn rights"), took up the anti-Laudian cause and it continued through the mobilization of large numbers of Puritans to campaign for election to the Long Parliament.

There, not only did the Puritans vote to revenge themselves on their old enemy William Laud, but they also took part in a gradual process of Parliamentary radicalization, starting with the impeachment of Strafford as the architect of arbitrary rule, the passage of the Triennal Acts, the re-statement that non-Parliamentary taxation was illegal, the Grand Remonstrance, and the Militia Ordinance.

Then over the course of the war, Puritans served with distinction in the Parliamentary army, especially and disproportionately in the New Model Army where they beat the living hell out of the aristocratic armies of Charles I, while defying both the expectations and active interference of the House of Lords.

At this point, I should mention that during this period the Puritans divided into two main factions - Presbyterians, who developed a close political and religious alliance with the Scottish Covenanters who had secured the Presbyterian Church in Scotland during the Bishops' Wars and who were quite interested in extending an established Presbyterian Church; and Independents, who advocated local congregationalism (sound familiar) and opposed the concept of established churches.

Finally, we have the coming together of the Independents of the New Model Army and the Leveller movement - during the war, John Liliburne had served with bravery and distinction at Edgehill and Marston Moore, and personally capturing Tickhill Castle without firing a shot. His fellow Leveller Thomas Rainsborough proved a decisive cavalry commander at Naseby, Leicester, the Western Campaign, and Langport, a gifted siege commander at Bridgwater, Bristol, Berkeley Castle, Oxford, and Worcester. Thus, when it came time to hold the Putney Debates, the Independent/Leveller bloc had both credibility within the New Model Army and the only political program out there. Their proposal:

redistricting of Parliament on the basis of equal population; i.e one man, one vote.

the election of a Parliament every two years.

freedom of conscience.

equality under the law.

In the context of the 17th century, this was dangerously radical stuff and it prompted Cromwell and Fairfax into paroxyms of fear that the propertied were in danger of being swamped by democratic enthusiasm - leading to the imprisonment of Lilburne and the other Leveller leaders and ultimately the violent suppression of the Leveller rank-and-file.

As for Cromwell, well - even the Quakers produced Richard Nixon.

#history #puritans #calvinism #english civil war #oliver cromwell #the stupid meme about christmas #new england #protestantism

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mendimore · 5 months

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Cdrama Reviews/Reccs Series 01: Mysterious Lotus Casebook (莲花楼)

SPOILER WARNING!!!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION ( will be talking about the plot and the ending so if you are spoiled that if not my problem in any way)

Mysterious Lotus Casebook, led by Chengyi, Zeng Shunxi(Joseph), and Xiao Shunyao, directed by Guohu and Ren Haitao, aired through summer 2023 and was one of the most popular cdramas to come out that summer.

Unfortunately I was a bit preoccupied falling down the Boy's Planet rabbit hole after being peer pressured to watch it to serve as moral support for a friend of mine and thus, being unintentionally dragged back into my kpop phase.

It was also because I had a hellish 14-hour work/study schedule 5-6 days a week during most of that summer meaning I could only have one hyperfixtation and watching five three-minute fancams was still a lot less time than rewatching a word of honor episode for the literal 14th time.

However, I am back and despite still being busy as hell, I have pulled three all-nighters (not in a row thank god) to finish this drama because it was heavily reccomended.

And needless to say, since I was able to sacrifice another decade of my life for it, it was pretty good.

I have not read the novel it was based on, I am only going off of what is in the actual drama.

For costume dramas, out of the big three platforms in the land of cdramas, youku, tencent, and iqiyi, I would say production quality-wise I prefer iqiyi, so that was one of the reasons I agreed to watch this drama. When it comes to Iqiyi, most of the time I don't feel taken out of the story by the production quality. Usually, I'm removed from from the illusion of the story by the story itself but that is another issue, particularly prevalent in productions with script with no source material or very low-quality source material.

The skin smoothing wasn't super excessive and the general look was pretty harmonious. No props that stood out strangely and few consistently or particularly awkward camera angles messed with the storytelling elements that I can remember. Pretty good for a Cdrama. The bar is a bit low, yes, but in the grand scheme of things it's not a badly produced drama, and it's pretty evident, that the people working on it cared at least a passing amount about those storytelling elements which I can wholly appreciate. And obviously, it's nowhere near a cinematic masterpiece, it did not lack the quick cuts of slow-mo, or the wide-face shots that are a certain pet peeve of mine in dramas, though I will say, it didn't bother me as much as it usually does. It had a certain martial arts film charm to it and generally sidestepped the tacky look that kind of editing or shots usually have, but nonetheless, the production has certain things to be desired. I would say the overall look/production quality definitely doesn't hinder the watching experience.

However, there was something that did set me off a bit. I am a Mandarin speaker myself. Listening to this drama was a bit awkward at times. Of course, If I can find them I will put on both Chinese and English subtitles, if not I will at least have one language of subtitles on so I don't have too much problem understanding what is going on, and this was no exception. but frankly, spending late nights in front of my computer screen trying to read subtitles has never been my favorite way to enjoy cdramas.

The line delivery in costume dramas has certain standards that contrast with contemporary dramas making it that much more difficult and important to the scene. My first victim is Zeng Shunxi, the actor for Tianji Manor's young master Fang Duobing. From what I understand Mandarin is not Joseph Zeng's first language, perfectly fine, but the problem is, in this drama, I can tell. There are plenty of instances where his delivery is majorly awkward, particularly for a Minister's son, he's supposed to be well-versed in literature and an eloquent young master but sometimes talks like the words don't fit his mouth and other times the words come out in form fitted lines of monotony that also feel strange to native speakers and particularly costume drama viewers. It's not the worst thing and if you only read subtitles you will probably not even notice because his emotions generally still translate pretty well and it's not like he is speaking noticeably slower than other actors or like a robot. there is just a lot of be desired in that standards of voice acting. I am not here to attack this man, the fact that he could play in his own voice through the whole drama as someone whose first language is not Mandarin is impressive, particularly because it is a costume drama so there is a whole other level of difficulty, plus his line delivery was not bad enough to prevent me from finishing this drama so do with that what you will. However, for the purposes of the story, I think getting a dubbing actor could have been a reasonable investment. Our other leading actor, Chengyi also has certain issues with line delivery, though arguably not as noticeable. His character is a reserved, tired person, secretive so it's generally in character for him to be quieter, calmer, and his cadence is mostly natural, but sometimes I really couldn't quite catch what he was saying. He likes to gloss over certain words, his ending sounds such as those with ng like jing or neng get ommited some of the time, and his overall delivery borders mumbly several times. Mumbly words said under your breath are acceptable as long as the words are heard clearly, but that is the problem, they aren't. Again, it likely will not be noticeable if you are only reading subtitles and it is not bad enough to ruin the moment or scene in most instanced but there are things to work on, definitely. These two actors have the most lines in the entire show which is why I'm making such a big deal about it, but for people that don't know mandarin, that don't hear the awkward cadence or can't understand whatever is being mumbled, it wouldn't be noticeable, however it was definitely a criticism I had.

However, breaking away from the complaints I would like to point out that I generally really liked the fighting choreography. Fighting choreos can be the highlight of wuxia dramas. Many martial arts cdramas nowadays bypass having to train their expensive idol actors and actresses in fighting choreo with stuff like special effects and camerawork, but the fighting sequences and swordsmanship sequences were all pretty well done. Special mention to Chengyi's performance for the Li xianyi/Li lianhua's swordplay sequences was very nicely done. His movements are fluid and generally crisp, fitting his character and are nice to watch and capture the scene. I think my favorite was the last time he practiced his sword, in front of a fire, in the moonlight but here were quite a few pretty breathtaking moments.

Did this drama make me sob my eyes out? Yes, several times. I do tend to cry at every little thing but I did have a long bawl about Li lianhua after I finished, and a couple of sore, dry-eye days after a long night of quietly crying in my bedroom. However, making me cry is only a facet of storytelling that I evaluate. Personally, for the story itself, I found it generally pretty easy to get roped and invested in. The case breaking stuff is usually interesting to me and this one certainly was, though I do think that the cases themselves were sometimes overly convoluted with quite a couple of logic holes because their line of reasoning was so long and complicated. The amount of hints that are thrown at you in small moments are pretty hard to keep track of, but I think that it the characters and their dynamic is charming and the resolutions to the cases and the characters' agency was still satisfying enough for me to follow them on their little detective cases, and obviously the conflict caused by Li Lianhua's identity was the main backbone of the story. Li Lianhua's attitude, his disillusionment, all very heartbreaking, I loved it. I have seen some people argue that Li Lianhua has no character development. He still pushes the people who love him away, he is still walking away from his problems, and hurts them which is true in some ways but I disagree with the fact that he has no development. He had this sudden and painful disillusionment, before the story that changed his worldview entirely and really before Fang Duobing comes along, he is hypercritical of himself, the ruthlessly unyielding, unforgiving part of Li Xiangyi is something he still carries with him. However, after meeting Fang Duobing who admired Li Xiangyi in a way that wasn't just putting him on this untouchable pedestal or making him an ideal kind of helped him remember and allowed him to go back to Sigu sect, put on those red robes and save Yun Biqiu with Fang Duobing supporting him the whole way. He ends up giving his old acquaintances and friends some closure even though he originally intended to leave it all exactly where it was ten years ago and, though, I think it was unfair the lack of closure that Fang Duobing got, in the end, Li Xiangyi resolved his story in a different way than he was going to. Of course, he still leaves everyone behind but he isn't exactly just walking away from all his problems anymore, he's helping them accept his inevitable outcome, wishing them a bright future and the life he won't get to have and that, though albiet subtle is still development.

Overall I think the cases were draggy and complicated, but not uninteresting and the real plot with digging up the main male lead's past was a pretty good point of intrigue. These episodes are like almost 50 minutes long though so to each their own. Acting, other than line delivery gets a pass for me. They were consistent believable characters with motives and consequences that made me care about them. The chemistry between the three leads was pleasant and harmonious. Their dynamic was clear, humourous, and entertaining, nothing to gawk at but seeing them fight together and interact definitely brought a smile to my face more than once.

As for the soundtrack, it was, as most of the rest of the drama, pleasant and fitting, but, nothing mindblowing. However, I am still listening to that soundtrack while I'm writing this and it has definitely grown on me.

One last thing, I did not get to the the entirety of the ending because I do not pay for iqiyi, however, I know the general idea of what it was. Personally, I am kind of glad I did not because I think the ending in the 40th video was more than enough. I know that they don't want to incur the wrath of all the emotional fans crying after the last video and believe me I was one of them, but giving him an ambiguous ending with a hint about him returning just doesn't sit right. Li Lianhua was a dead person, he spent ten years accepting his death. This story is about the freeing of Li Xiangyi from the cycles of vengeance and the death of the idle, wandering physician Li Lianhua. If Li Lianhua does not die, entanglement in the affairs of the world is inevitable and since Li Lianhua is now recognized as Li Xiangyi, they can no longer exist separately as they had been doing for ten years, because if they do, Li Xiangyi will be forced once again into the entanglements of vengeance, attachments, and worldly affairs which undermines his selflessness, self-loathing, righteousness, and bittersweet apathy. Even though this is not Di Feisheng's happy ending, and definitely not Fang Duobing's happy ending, this is Li Lianhua's happy ending, to die quietly, all his attachments to the world settled and left behind, in a small boat where he can rest peacefully and die where he was supposed to all those years ago, rocked by the current and forcing the people he has left behind to let go of him, as they should have done. He gave everyone as much closure as he could, and he gave himself control over his own death. As much as I want him to be alive, I don't think, for the purpose of the story that he should be or would be.

Anyways, I have grown way too attached to Li Lianhua, and keep rewatching the series to cope. Overall, I liked Mysterious Lotus casebook a lot, ti is definitely I would say worth the watch and even though it is not the most amazing or greatest thing in the world it has a special place in my heard and as kind of some closure for me, that is my review of the show, hope you liked it.

#cdrama #mysterious lotus casebook #li lianhua #di feisheng #fang duobing #drama review #drama recommendation #cdrama review #cdrama recs #cheng yi

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stevenbasic · 8 months

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Growing into the Job, Post 373: Evolution Concerns

We’re just worried that her growth chart is beginning to look logarithmic came the message, the most recent in a series of alarmist communiques from a technician at their daughter company in the US.

Kristina Zhestakova had received the first text as she’d been talking with prospective recruits, young women in their second and third year. She was now between meetings, walking down the hallways of The Medical University of Warsaw. The school was her alma mater and she recognized most of the landmarks, the twists and turns of the old passages, the labs and classrooms. Many of the professors were new; the plaques on the office doors had been largely replaced by female names. Twenty years, she thought with a nod, had brought on some welcome changes.

You are working on the sequencing data? she replied, relying on the translation software of KOLECTV’s encrypted messaging app. Her English had improved over the last couple decades, ever since she’d been tasked with establishing the company’s first North American facility on the island off Mexico's coast, but she still preferred writing in her native Polish. She was glad this technician - Marcia was her name - used the secure proprietary messenger as she’d been asked; not all at this upstart American company Evolution Pharmaceuticals did.

Yes we have the bloodwork. Working on it but it’s complicated, came the tech's next message. They all knew that MM-1A’s eldritch origins complicated things, making the polymerase chain reactions difficult and keeping them from using the Sanger or NGS. The witches and their ways tended to do that, make everything either too easy or too much of a chore. But KOLECTV’s science had learned and become powerful. We’ve already identified the location of the breath and the voice.

Yes. Doctor Zhestakova’s heels <click-click-clicked> on the tiled hallways of the medical school. Ostensibly, she was still, in title, Senior Vice President of Biotechnology at Gray Global Enterprises, once an American shipping empire that was now little more than a shell company for a good-sized group of the collective’s holdings. KOLECTV, technically, was one of those. However, in the early days, like a tick it had drained GGE’s resources and quickly came to dwarf its parent company and now controlled its interests. It was now an enormous, if still shadowy, network with tendrils not only in the medical and scientific industries around the world, but deep in other businesses, banking and politics.

The hope was that, soon - especially after the victorious results in the recent American elections - KOLECTV would finally shed the false auspices of GGE and begin to reveal itself. It would grow in power tenfold, it knew, when it could step out of the shadows on its six-inch stilettos and begin to claim its empire. When it is done send the sequencing package to my team at Coronado.

Of course Doctor. We’ve also located multiple other newly active gene loci, of unknown phenotype expression, the technician’s next message explained. Dr. Zhestakova knew what that meant, other potential abilities budding within the subject.

She’d spent many of her early years with the company, after being sent to America soon after medical school for project “Bridesmaid”, and then setting up and studying at their island research facility, KOLECTV’s first in the New World. The project, nearly twenty years prior to today, had ultimately resulted in the takeover of GGE and the facility was now one of many jewels in the crown of the movement. Dr. Zhestakova had been not only an operative (088) in that operation and an integral player in building the prototypes for what the women of the new world could be, but an early beneficiary subject (Program, 3133j) as well.

Send it all. But tell no one else, for now. I want Coronado to go over it so we can develop an isolation plan. Dr. Zhestakova knew that Oksana and others in KOLECTV’s higher ranks were made nervous by her tendencies towards self-autonomy and transgression; she’d seen the old files they kept on her. She knew that her independent streak, coupled with her Program-gifted intelligence and with what they called her “relative lack of empathy” was seen as both a powerful opportunity for the movement but something they struggled to keep in check. She knew her file also described her tendencies for excessive behaviors and indulgences. Those, over the past decade or so, she’d made good progress in controlling, reining in.

She could really use some vodka.

The height? The explosion in strength? We’re not worried? came the technician’s concern..

Fuck the height and strength. I’ve seen the monsters they’d made, the failed experiments in Siberia and Kazakhstan. That can be dealt with when the time comes. Let the other abilities manifest first, so we learn, glean, farm. No we are not yet concerned.

Others would be, she knew. Others would be very concerned. Dr. Zhestakova could only do so much, but she had been trying her best to keep the snowballing irregularities in Project MM-1A's case “under the radar”, as they might say in the US. If they were to attract notice, the project could get shut down; Kristina knew there was so much potential to be culled, so much that could be achieved. Just imagine, she found herself thinking, an army of superwomen not only bigger, taller, stronger than any man alive, like we’d planned…

No, the possibilities might go well beyond that.

…but impervious to heat, and harm, and bullets…

And in a rare moment of heart-pounding speculation…

Imagine an army of women that can fly…

=========================================

for more on the enigmatic, psychopathic and high-functioning alcoholic Dr. Zhestakova, as well as “Project Bridesmaid”, please see required reading “Trophy”

#growing into the job

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twistedtummies2 · 2 years

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Top 10 Sherlock Holmes Series

Happy New Year, Everyone! Hopefully it will be better than the last…several. ‘XD An interesting thing about this year is the number of well-known properties and characters that are officially entering the public domain starting now. Among these is the World’s Greatest Detective, Sherlock Holmes. Now, my love for Sherlock Holmes is quite well-known, but while I’ve talked about some of my favorite takes on the characters of his universe, I’ve never actually gone into great detail about my favorite versions of Sherlock Holmes OVERALL: which versions of his universe and cast as a whole I love the most. So, I decided this New Year’s Day to remedy that, at least slightly, by discussing my favorite Sherlock Holmes series portrayals ever made.

Now, keep in mind, I’m talking about versions that are a SERIES; this means there has to be more than one singular installment for me to discuss them. So standalone films - such as “The Great Mouse Detective” or “A Study in Terror” - or singular episodes from TV shows, or oneshot video games or radio production, will not be included. Maybe sometime I’ll go over something cover all of those, but for now, we’re focusing on series versions of the Holmes universe. I had to struggle a fair bit with picking the cream of the crop for this, and I based my decisions on a few factors: how good is Holmes himself in each version? How do the supporting cast of his world stand up? How often do I visit and revisit installments from this rendition? And, perhaps most importantly, how often do I think of them when I think of the simple name “Sherlock Holmes”? Some of my choices and rankings may surprise you, and I should add there were several versions that didn’t quite make the cut (you’ll find at least a couple of them listed in the Honorable Mentions), but I think the final results I came up with are satisfactory. With that in mind, allow me to present My Top 10 Sherlock Holmes Series!

10. The Frogwares Video Game Series.

While Holmes and Holmesian characters have appeared in multiple video games over the years, there’s really only one proper Sherlock Holmes video game series worth its salt. That is the Frogwares game series. I must confess I’ve only played ONE of these games myself (that’s part of the reason they take the bottom slot), but I’ve looked into other games of the series via walkthroughs and such. That’s obviously not the same experience, but it does give me an understanding of the stories and characters presented. These games are essentially cult classics: no one would call them great masterpieces, but they have a certain charm to them that’s all their own. As the series has gone on, it’s pitted Holmes against increasingly dreadful odds. He’s faced Professor Moriarty, of course, but he’s also gone against Jack the Ripper, and even crossed swords with Arsene Lupin. He’s steeled himself against the madness of Lovecraftian abominations, and struggled to defeat terrorist organizations. The series has been going strong for two decades now; its first game was released in 2002. In 2023, a remake of one of its most popular early releases, “Sherlock Holmes: The Awakened,” is scheduled to debut. What further adventures await the Master Detective? Only time will tell…

9. The 1950s BBC Radio Series.

There have been numerous radio and audio productions of Sherlock Holmes over the years. My personal favorite is this one. Entitled simply “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes,” these radio dramas starred two of the greatest actors in English history, Sir John Gielgud and Sir Ralph Richardson, as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, respectively. It was directed by Sir John’s brother, Val Gielgud (who also played Mycroft in the radio program), and guest-starred Orson Welles as Professor Moriarty in “The Final Problem.” The series was short-lived, with less than 30 episodes to its name and a run of only six or seven months between 1954 and 1955. Despite its miniscule lifespan, it’s still a pretty stellar interpretation of the Conan Doyle classics, largely due to the pedigree of its leading performers. For those who aren’t into radio and audio productions, this will be something of an acquired taste, but if you’re open to the idea, this is a great place to start.

8. Elementary.

“Elementary” was an attempt to reinterpret the Conan Doyle characters and stories in a style reminiscent of many modern crime drama shows. This is essentially what you would get if you crossed something like “NCIS” or “CSI” with…well…Sherlock Holmes. The series lasted for quite a long time, running for seven years (and seven seasons) between 2012 and 2019. I feel like this show was something of a hit-or-miss affair; sometimes the ways it reinterpreted the Holmesian characters and story ideas were absolutely brilliant, but other times it felt like the show was having trouble balancing its tone and style with its source material. I have always, however, defended its two main characters: Jonny Lee Miller as a modern age Holmes and Lucy Liu as a female Dr. Watson. In my opinion, nearly every take on this universe lives or dies based on the strength of these two characters, for perhaps obvious reasons. No matter what the show did wrong or right, both of them were amazing in their respective roles, and the overall interpretation was solidly constructed. Admittedly, I revisit this version less often than some other takes on Holmes, which is the primary reason it gets a lower ranking, but it’s definitely worthy of praise.

7. The 1960s BBC TV Series.

This series ran for two seasons in the mid-to-late 60s, and if you look at both seasons, you almost feel like you’re watching two different shows. The first season was produced and released in black-and-white; it starred Douglas Wilmer as the Great Detective, and had an ever so slightly darker tone than the second season. This second season was in color, and starred the immortal Peter Cushing (pictured here) as Holmes. Other casting elements were changed between the two seasons as well (both Mrs. Hudson and Inspector Lestrade were replaced by new actors, most notably); really, the only thing that seemed to stay the same was the resident Watson, played by Nigel Stock. Much of this series has been lost to time, sadly, but the episodes of each season that have been recovered have been released to the public online and via home media. Personally, I think that Season 2 is overall the better season, but Season 1 has its fair share of great moments, too. Check both out if you get a chance.

6. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson.

Who ever expected Russia to give us one of the greatest takes on Sherlock Holmes ever made? Well, it happened: in the 1980s, a series of television movies collectively entitled “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson” were released in Russia, starring Vasily Livanov as the super sleuth, with Vitaly Solomin as Watson. The TV productions were surprisingly faithful and atmospheric, as well as brilliantly acted, creating what many consider to be one of the most critically acclaimed and surprisingly grand interpretations of the Conan Doyle stories and characters ever made. I, personally, especially recommend the adaptations of “The Final Problem” (entitled “The Deadly Fight”), “The Empty House” (entitled “The Tiger Hunt”), and “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” The series is not only considered a great adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, but also one of the greatest TV programs in Russian history; it’s definitely worthy of a peek.

5. The Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce Films.

Produced first by 20th Century FOX, and then later by Universal, these 14 monochrome movies are considered arguably the first truly “classic” Sherlock Holmes movies ever created, and for good reason. The first two films, in my opinion, are truly cinematic gems; any Holmes fan worth their salt should at least watch those first two movies. The later 12 films - made on a lower budget and with more of a time crunch between each one - are more varied in quality, ranging from genuinely great crime/mystery movies (such as “The Pearl of Death”) to “so bad it’s good” schlock (such as “Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror”). No matter the quality of the film overall, the series stands high for the simple and iconic presence of its two lead actors: Basil Rathbone, arguably the most iconic Sherlock Holmes of all time, and his Watson, Nigel Bruce. Bruce often gets a lot of flak for his more comical interpretation of Watson, but I actually think he’s grossly underappreciated: while he is a more comedic take on the character, the comedy is balanced, and you fully believe in his friendship and partnership with Sherlock. Rathbone, meanwhile, is perhaps the first truly brilliant Sherlock Holmes, presenting the character with a sense of authority that contrasts greatly with his eccentricities. While it would be a lie to say they saved every movie, they certainly were the reason the overall run of these films remains beloved and talked about to this day, and I’ve rewatched some of these old classics more often than even versions found higher on the list. Proof of the phrase “oldies but goldies,” give at least a few of these a watch whenever you can.

4. Moriarty the Patriot.

Yeah, I bet a lot of you expected this to be in my Top 3, didn’t you? To be perfectly honest, choosing between third and fourth place for this list was EXTREMELY difficult, because I liked both series for both similar and very different reasons. I’ll get into why one defeated the other later, but for now, let’s focus on this specific version. “Moriarty the Patriot” has become my favorite anime and manga series; the premise of the show places the focus not on Holmes himself, but instead his arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty. In this version, Moriarty is depicted as a much younger man than most other incarnations, and is revealed to be less of a straightforward villain and more of a violent anti-hero, organizing crimes in an elaborate scheme to try and change the system of the English government. When Holmes himself arrives in the series, it is the relationship between himself and Moriarty that becomes the focal point of the story. The series is a highly unique and fascinating reimagining of the Conan Doyle characters and stories; this is not your granny’s Sherlock Holmes, to say the least. For many people, I imagine this rendition will be something of an acquired taste; I, thankfully, have developed said taste, and will adore and praise this rendition for all of time. If it catches your interest, give it a try.

3. Sherlock.

Like I said, choosing between MTP and this popular reimagining from the BBC - starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman as Holmes and Watson - was extremely difficult. In some ways, I actually think Moriarty the Patriot is better (shocking to admit, I know, without any sarcasm). It’s more inventive, more unexpected, and I can’t actually think of any truly bad stories in it, off the top of my head. (At least not so far; the manga is still ongoing.) There are some better than others, but none that are outright bad. In contrast, Sherlock - while certainly home to many creative reinterpretations of the stories and characters - follows the Sherlock Holmes formula more typically, and while I think the first two seasons are spectacular, the third season is still okay, and “The Abominable Bride” movie is quite interesting…the fourth season sort of implodes on itself, in my opinion. At the end of the day, what made me decide between the two was simply this: when I compared the bulk of the major shared characters between each version, I simply discovered I liked Sherlock’s versions of those characters a little more than the ones in MTP. I love Moriarty’s take on Holmes, but it’s hard to top Benedict Cumberbatch; Moriarty’s Watson is an adorable and earnest fellow, but it’s hard to top Martin Freeman. The same goes for Inspector Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson, and Irene Adler, among some others: as much as I love MTP’s takes on the characters, Sherlock is just what I think of more immediately when I think of most of these classic stories, at least in comparison between the two. I think the fact this series follows the formula might be part of the reason why: it still makes changes that are interesting and unique, to keep the stories fresh and to manage them with a more modern lens, but it doesn’t change things SO drastically that it becomes more of a niche interpretation. Sherlock is a mainstream mammoth, while Moriarty the Patriot is more the home of a small but highly devoted fanbase, and while neither is a good or bad thing by their own design, I think it’s telling for the way each handles the source material. Both are brilliant reimaginings of the Conan Doyle classics, and I love them both a great deal…but after some serious internal debate, I do think that Sherlock, overall, is the one I prefer, if only slightly.

2. The Guy Ritchie Films.

While there are only two of these movies (at least at present; I keep hearing rumors they might make a third one, but I’m not holding my breath), I still think these films are absolutely great. I doubt anybody expected them to be as good as they are, in fact: when you first hear the idea of Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law busting crimes in a steampunk-infused Victorian mad-scape, it sounds kind of out there. But remarkably, these films clicked with many audiences and fans, including myself. In just two films, a lot of the more prominent Holmes characters do appear with ample time to shine, yet neither film feels claustrophobically packed. They focus more heavily on the action/adventure elements of the Holmes universe, but you still get a lot of great deductions and cluefinding sequences throughout both stories. The villains are great, the characters are very well-interpreted, acting both surprisingly faithful to the original books while also having unique quirks and ideals all their own…and I have to be honest, I’m a sucker for the steampunk-inspired aesthetic of these films and the way they showcase the Holmes universe. In fact, if you had asked me a few years ago, I might have named these movies as my number one. There are two reasons why I don’t now. What are those reasons? Well…let’s address them in my number one pick…

1. The Granada TV Series.

Reason number one for why the Guy Ritchie films aren’t here: there are only two of them. In contrast, the Granada TV program of Sherlock Holmes - which ran for multiple seasons under multiple titles for a whole ten years, between 1984 and 1994 - obviously had a lot more content to sift through and more time allowed to get to know the characters and their world. However, the bigger reason is number two: this series has the single greatest Sherlock Holmes of all time, Jeremy Brett. And as much as I love other Holmeses on this countdown - Downey Jr., Cumberbatch, Rathbone, Cushing, and of course the one from Moriarty the Patriot - I’m sorry, having the best Sherlock Holmes ever made almost automatically grants the Granada series top billing. In contrast to the 1960s BBC series, this show had one consistent Holmes throughout (and most of the other major cast members were consistently cast, as well), but DID have two different Watsons. David Burke played the good doctor in the first (and, in my opinion, best) season of the show, while Edward Hardwicke took over for the remainder of the series. Each of them are magnificent, easily among my Top 5 Favorite Watsons of all time. Essentially by that sheer default, of having two of the greatest Watsons of all time and the single best Holmes ever created, the series wins top billing. The show also stands high for its faithfulness to the Conan Doyle stories: every episode is an adaptation of a classic book or short story, and while there are some changes sprinkled throughout, for the majority of the time, they stay EXTREMELY true to the source. In fact, most changes made only serve to make the stories better than before, only adding to the power of this rendition. While not all of the supporting cast are my absolute favorites, the two most important characters (along with a few others) are, and that is what ultimately matters most. If you haven’t already seen anything from this masterwork, you can easily find episodes of it online or on DVD and Blu-ray. Check out a few and find out what you are missing this New Year! There’s no doubt in my mind the Granada series with Jeremy Brett is My Favorite Sherlock Holmes Series. Case closed.

Honorable Mentions Include…

The 1954 American TV Series. (Starring Ronald Howard as Sherlock Holmes.)

Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century. (An animated series starring Jason Gray Stanford as Holmes.)

The Hallmark TV Movies. (Starring Matt Frewer as Holmes.)

Big Finish Audio Productions. (Starring Nicholas Briggs as Holmes.)

#top 10 #list #countdown #favorites #best #sherlock holmes #series #tv #films #video games #radio #happy new year

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denimbex1986 · 1 year

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'Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan's sweeping new biographical thriller about the "father of the atomic bomb", has opened to a glowing reception around the world. In India, it's been a hit too but some have protested against a scene depicting the scientist reading the Bhagavad Gita, one of Hinduism's holiest books, after sex. Oppenheimer learnt the ancient Sanskrit language and counted the book as one of his favourites.

In July 1945, two days before the explosion of the first atomic bomb in the New Mexico desert, Robert Oppenheimer recited a stanza from the Bhagavad Gita, or The Lord's Song.

Oppenheimer, a theoretical physicist, had been introduced to Sanskrit, the ancient Indian language, and subsequently the Gita, as a teacher in Berkeley years before. More than 2,000-year-old, Bhagavad Gita is part of the Mahabharata - one of Hinduism's greatest epics - and at 700 verses, the world's longest poem.

Now, hours before an event that would change history, the "father of the atomic bomb" relieved his tension by reciting a stanza he had translated from Sanskrit:

In battle, in forest, at the precipice of the mountains

On the dark great sea, in the midst of javelins and arrows,

In sleep, in confusion, in the depths of shame,

The good deeds a man has done before defend him

As Kai Bird and Martin J Sherwin write in their authoritative 2005 biography American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J Robert Oppenheimer, a young Oppenheimer was introduced to Sanskrit by Arthur W Ryder, a professor of Sanskrit at the University of California, Berkeley. The precocious physicist had arrived there as a 25-year-old assistant professor. Over the next few decades, he helped build one of the "greatest schools of theoretical physics" in the US.

Ryder, a Republican and a "sharp tongued iconoclast", was fascinated by Oppenheimer. For his part, Oppenheimer regarded Ryder as a "quintessential intellectual", a scholar who "felt and thought and talked as a stoic". The young scientist's textile importer father agreed, saying Ryder was a "remarkable combination of austereness through which peeps the gentlest soul".

Oppenheimer - played by actor Cillian Murphy in the biopic - also regarded Ryder as a rare person who had "a tragic sense of life, in that they attribute to human actions the completely decisive role in the difference between salvation and damnation".

Soon, Ryder was giving Oppenheimer private lessons in Sanskrit on Thursday evenings. "I am learning Sanskrit," the scientist wrote to his brother Frank, "enjoying it very much and enjoying again the sweet luxury of being taught".

Many of his friends found his new obsession with an Indian language odd, Oppenheimer's biographers noted. One of them, Harold F Cherniss, who introduced the scientist to the scholar, thought it made "perfect sense" because Oppenheimer had a "taste of the mystical and the cryptic".

So Oppenheimer's knowledge of Sanskrit and the Gita is clearly germane to telling his story. But some right wing Hindus have complained - particularly about the sex scene with lover Jean Tatlock, played by Florence Pugh - saying the film is an attack on their religion and demanding cuts.

But India's film censors found no problem with it and at the box office it's the Hollywood hit of the year in India, faring better than Barbie since the two blockbusters opened on Friday.

There's no doubt Oppenheimer was a widely well-read man - he took courses in philosophy, French literature, English, history, and briefly considered studying architecture, and even becoming a classicist, poet or painter. He wrote poems on "themes of sadness and loneliness", and identified with TS Eliot's "sparse existentialism" in The Waste Land.

"He liked things that were difficult. And since almost everything was easy for him, the things that really would attract his attention were essentially the difficult," Cherniss said.

With his facility for languages - Oppenheimer had studied Greek, Latin, French and German and learned Dutch in six weeks - it "wasn't really long before" he was reading the Bhagavad Gita. He found it "very easy and quite marvellous" and told friends that it was the "most beautiful philosophical song existing in any known tongue". In his bookshelf was a pink-covered copy of the book that Ryder had gifted him; and Oppenheimer himself gifted copies to his friends.

The biographers write that the scientist was so "enraptured by his Sanskrit studies" that in 1933 when his father brought him a Chrysler, he named it Garuda, after the giant bird God in Hindu mythology.

In spring of that year, Oppenheimer had written a rather florid letter to his brother explaining why discipline and work had always been his guiding principles. It pointed to the fact that he was enthralled by eastern philosophy.

He wrote: "through discipline, though not through discipline alone, we can achieve serenity, and a certain small but precious measure of freedom from the accidents of incarnation… and that detachment which preserves the world it renounces". Only through discipline, he added, is it possible to "see the world without the gross distraction of personal desire, and in seeing so, accept more easily our earthly privation and its earthly horror".

"In the late twenties, Oppenheimer seemed to be searching for an earthly detachment; he wished, in other words to be engaged as a scientist with the physical world, and yet detached from it," his biographers write.

"He was not seeking to escape to a purely spiritual realm. He was not seeking religion. What he sought was peace of mind. The Gita seemed to provide precisely the right philosophy for an intellectual keenly attuned to the affairs of men and the pleasures of the senses."

One of his favourite Sanskrit texts was the Meghaduta, a lyric poem written by Kalidasa, one of the greatest poets in the language. "The Meghaduta I read with Ryder, with delight, some ease and great enchantment," he wrote to his brother, Frank.

Why did Oppenheimer turn to Gita and its notions of karma, destiny and earthly duty so fervently? His biographers hazard a guess: "Perhaps the attraction Robert felt to the fatalism of the Gita was at least stimulated by a late blooming rebellion against what he had been taught as a youth", alluding to his early association with the Ethical Culture Society, an "uniquely American offshoot of Judaism that celebrated rationalism and a progressive brand of secular humanism".

To be sure, Oppenheimer was not alone in admiring the Hindu text. Henry David Thoreau wrote about immersing himself in the "stupendous and cosmogonal philosophy of the Bhagavad Gita in comparison with which our modern world and its literature seem puny and trivial". Heinrich Himmler was an admirer. Mahatma Gandhi was an ardent follower. And WB Yeats and TS Eliot, two poets Oppenheimer admired, had read the Mahabharata.

The sight of the giant orange mushroom cloud rising in the skies after the first atomic bomb test had led Oppenheimer to return to the Gita again. The bombs that were eventually dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II had killed tens of thousands of people.

"We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried. Most people were silent," he told NBC in a 1965 documentary.

"I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita; Vishnu [a principal Hindu deity] is trying to persuade the prince that he should do his duty, and to impress him, takes on his multi-armed form and says, "Now I have become death, the destroyer of the worlds'. I suppose we all thought that, one way or another."

A friend of the scientist said the quote sounded like one of Oppenheimer's "priestly exaggerations".

Yet, the enigmatic scientist remained profoundly influenced by it.

When the editors of The Christian Century asked the scientist once to share the books that most profoundly influenced his philosophical outlook, Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal held the top spot. And the Bhagavad Gita took the second position.'

#Oppenheimer #Cillian Murphy #Bhagavad Gita #Christopher Nolan #American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer #Kai Bird #Martin J. Sherwin #The Christian Century #Baudelaire #Les Fleus du Mal #Arthur W Ryder #Harold F. Cherniss #Jean Tatlock #Florence Pugh #T.S Eliot #The Waste Land #Frank Oppenheimer #WB Yeats

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logiyande · 1 year

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{ ayo edebiri, 21, cis woman, she/her } Is that LOGAN IYANDE? A SOPHOMORE originally from SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA, they decided to come to Ogden College to study GRAPHIC DESIGN on a ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP. They’re THE WALLFLOWER on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance.

pinterest/spotify

yearning, dreaming, resting her head against the car door and closing her eyes, imagining a world where she is a different person, where people look up when she enters a room and stop talking when she starts to speak. suburbs, doldrums, everything that will happen to her has already happened before. the glow of a computer screen in the middle of the night, an aching familiarity with the four walls of her bedroom. the urge to think that no one understands her when fearing maybe there isn’t that much to understand. speaking a language that is so entrenched in decades of internet debris that she doesn’t know if people know how to translate. wondering if she is more interesting behind a keyboard than she is in person. sketchbooks filled with art no one would ask to see. wasting her youth, wasting her breath, wasting her time.

BASICS:

full name: logan iyande

age: 21

date of birth: march 18

zodiac sign: pisces sun, cancer moon, virgo rising

hometown: sacramento, CA

gender: cis female

sexuality: lesbian

ethnicity: african american

languages spoken: english

PERSONALITY:

positive qualities: kind, curious, intelligent

negative qualities: geeky, introverted, naive

skills: encyclopedic knowledge on niche topics, quick reflexes, and deviantart fame for drawing niche cartoon characters in 2011

character parallels: Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place), Sam Weir (Freaks and Geeks), Willow Rosenberg (BTVS), Will Byers (Stranger Things), Lexi Howard (Euphoria), Haruhi Fujioka (OHSHC)

relationship to greer: if you looked on logan’s instagram history, you would almost always see @greer in her recently viewed. it’s not that she was obsessed with greer- she hardly knew her, had shared a class with her freshman year, and that was all. but greer represented everything she wasn’t, and she watched her with a keen eye more suited to an anthropologist studying another culture than a classmate watching another.

school activities: running team, school paper

style: grandpacore- big thrifted sweaters, baggy jeans, trousers, loafers

the wallflower: people did not notice logan at a party, and that’s just fine with her. frankly, she didn’t want to be at the party anyways, would rather be in her dorm room curled up with a weighty book or tending to her farm in stardew valley. she felt stupid and exposed on the nights she dragged herself to a party she’d only been invited to as an afterthought, so she only did it rarely, when the little voice inside her head told her she was wasting her twenties under the covers. she made a fool of herself anyways- she didn’t get the sarcasm, wasn’t interested in the drugs, didn’t know the music that was being played or the tv shows that were being discussed. no, she was sure everyone laughed about her when she left. the more cutting truth, that no one was talking about her at all, would actually be a comfort.

wanted connections (under construction)

woman for her to have a heartbreaking unrequited crush on (maybe she's straight in a Wish You Were Gay (by claud not billie eilish) type way? or maybe they'll just never see logan that way a la Christine by lucy dacus)

outgoing friend for her to follow around like a puppy

friends to lovers yearning kind of thing (she IS a yearner in all ways and forms)

toxic ex/situationship that she’s still a little in love with (ok i kind of have this one in my head i think she felt like they were embarrassed by her or talked down to her regardless of whether or not that was the truth)

go with me here some kind of cinderella story friendship?? like they’re friends through the internet but don’t know who the other person is irl

other headcanons

was a big tumblr artist a few years back for mid-2000s cartoons (like u know the vibe. avatar, teen titans, ect)- made the jump to twitter and still has a largeish following but not nearly as big as the early 2010s

maybe a little too into lord of the rings

had a big anime phase in middle school but has (mostly) grown out of it

listens to a lot of indie sad girl music (lizzy mcalpine, lucy dacus, ect) but has a soft spot for old school country

has a very large vinyl collection

i don't feel like writing out her family stuff but she actually has a really great relationship with her parents especially her mother

has been in dozens of car accidents but only by hitting parked cars when trying to park

will read literally anything- she's gone through the entire ice planet barbarians series in the last month

really loves horror movies but hates jumpscares so she looks them up on imdb before

#ogdenintro #{.musings } — ❝ i am just the fool you took me for ❞#is it even a jess intro without a homemade graphic thats gonna hurt my eyes every time i click on my blog?

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endlesstwanted · 2 years

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Hello internet!

This is Chase (endlesstwanted), and I thought I should start this blog with an introduction. I haven’t kept a blog in over a decade, so please bear with me while I figure out how all of this works. The essential info about me will be above the cut, because I’m an oversharer and I don’t know how long this will enventually be.

As I said, my name is Chase, I’m over 21 years old and currently studying a vocational course which I have no vocation for. I’m in the CET time zone, based in Spain, and I like to think I’m bilingual even if my brain can’t keep up with Spanish half of the time (most of the content here will be in English). I am a non-binary trans, which influences how I view things and a friend said it would be good to mention. I’m also bisexual, which is a great excuse to be multishipper too. My sun sign is taurus, and my moon and rising signs are virgo.

My main interests are writing, languages and travelling (been all over Spain). I enjoy puzzles, funko pops, cinema, series and music. I’m not active in fandoms outside of Marvel, even though I like a lot of other media. For starters, I plan to use this blog for bingo stuff and to share what I write and post on Ao3.

Moving now onto the fandom talk, I entered the fandom world at eight years old with pop music. I then moved to tv shows when I watched Broadchurch and discovered Teen Wolf, to later follow punk rock bands and being introduced to concerts. I began being interested in cinema at the age of eighteen and eventually found Marvel a few years back.

I’m familiar with the MCU and X-Men films, and am slowly trying to find my way into the comics. I’m a multi-shipper (the rarest the pairs, the more interests I will get) and willing to read and write anyone I’m comfortable with.

That’s said, my favourite characters would have to be Bruce, Sam, Natasha, Clint and Bucky. I am fixated on others like Scott Summers, Sprite, the Peters (Maximoff, Parker, Quill, you name it), the Grandmaster, Justin Hammer and Remy Lebau (I’m into those who have no more than five scenes, as you see). My favourite projects (that I’ve watched so far) are The Amazing Spider-Man films, The Incredible Hulk, Wakanda Forever, Infinity War, Black Widow, Eternals, X-men Apocalypse and the Hawkeye series.

As I said I plan to keep this blog to share my writing and Bingo-related information. In case things go out of hand, please remember that my previous experience has been ten years on twitter, I feel in need of mentioning the other media I am fan of. This is a warning in case one day I wake up willing to fill my page with that, which you know, can happen.

I like a variety of cinema genres, going from thriller to comedy, even though I enjoy dramas the most and I’m a huge fan of Spanish cinema as well. The films I need to mention now are the ones that really got me into this world and hold a special place in my heart : the Scream saga, The Faculty, Deux Moi (French drama from 2019), Clue (1985), Marrowbone, Coherence, The Broken Circle breakdown, The Birds, and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Talking about series now, everything has been non-stop since discovering Teen Wolf until now, with a few years gap I used to go to concerts and consume the MCU an embarrassing amount of times. The ones that have shaped me as a person are The Night Shift, Leverage, The Society, Sneaky Pete, Stitchers, On My Block, Code Black, Hunters and New Amsterdam. I’m currently watching the Chicago-verse series after watching a bunch of episodes on tv with no idea of what was going on because they played eight a night, I’ve just started Chicago Med.

As far as music goes, I thought to mention the people that have literally raised and/or been an inspiration for me at some point: 5sos, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Sam Smith and Chase Atlantic.

The list goes on and on but you don’t want me to bore you with the Spanish’s pop artists, music contests, and all the things I said I’ve recovered from and I haven’t.

If you’ve got to this point, thank you! I know I walk (write) a lot, so it’s good to know someone listening. Other sites I’m on are Ao3, TvTime, Letterboxd, NanoWriMo and Spotify.

Here you have a picture of Wanda, that is my latest addition on my funko collection ♥️ (do people use emojis in here?)

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annesdiary · 7 months

Text

10 March 2024

Okay so a bit of an update for myself. for my own sake. It's going to be long af.

Future me, if you're rereading this, bring a cup of tea. Well, actually popcorn.

I think I may just talk a bit about each person who is close to me.

B got together with her crush, the guy seems to be a sweetheart.

A forgot my birthday.

E too. I told her, she apologized. Shortly after that she hung up the phone.

I thought I needed closure from E too. And I called her to talk to her.

(Idk if you know this; I'm a smart woman, I'm quite familiar with literary theory, victorian literature etc. that's what I read in my free time, that's my field of speciality). I mentioned my research about Sherlock Holmes. It's late, I'm tired and I don't really want to get into the details.

Me: I'm doing this research about Sherlock Holmes and literary stuff.... E: what literary stuff? you need to be more specific, you can't build a research on "literary stuff".

Me after I patiently explained some stuff that I presume she didn't understand: And than I have to do a poster about it. E: you know who you should talk to? *a student she had's name* Me: why would I talk to her? E: she can draw. you can't just slap text on a poster and call it a day. Me: I spent hours going through last years winners to see what I have to do, those contained predominantly text and small-ish, simple illustrations E: *going on and on about stuff she doesn't know because she hasn't been a part of academic life in decades* Me: *finally giving up* You're right.

I called her as a friend. Just because I told her "Sherlock Holmes and literary stuff" she assumes that that's all I have in my head. Meanwhile I'm reading academic papers published by people from the most prestigious universities in my second language in my free time. She last learnt literature (very basic stuff!) when she went to uni. She learnt English literature as part of her ESL programme. At least 25-30 years ago. English was NOT her major, English literature for her was ONE course. . Literature is my major, it's one of my hobbies, I am (by university thing's standards) kind of an expert in it. How dare she look down on me, seriously. In regards to my field of study.

I'm fine. :)

E was tagged in a post, making god-knows-what with woman, one of her friends. (And other ladies.) I never heard anything good about that lady. E only ever talked shit about that woman. E wanted to cut this lady out of her life several times.

Now this lady posted several pictures with E, doing some painting activity.

Thinking of the quote, I don’t know who said it: If I’m a lot, then go find less.

I talked to T a few weeks ago, he was going somewhere by train and we texted, he was telling me kind of nsfw jokes and I kind of enjoyed that. A few hours later, he shut it down, telling me he thinks he went to far.

K is sweet as ever. We talked a few weeks ago, well, she asked for my advice about some girls who went to our class in high school. I didn't keep in touch with them, she did. And it felt so good because she told me how heathy she thinks out friendship is. And how I understand when she doesn't have time to meet up but I know she's always here for me.

And now for the absolute best part: N told me she'd like me to participate in a thing. I have to do research and then put everything I've found on a poster. She helped me with that and she is the absolute best.

I'm so happy I met her and she was kind of my way into academia. It was my first time writing an abstract and she was so kind and patient with me. (I think considering it's my first time, I actually did great, I did the thing with one correction. After I corrected the mistakes she found, for the 2nd time she said it was a great start.)

I'm so grateful for her and I feel like this attachment is the healthiest I am capable of. Like I know she corrects me because she wants me to be better. I know she's a great communicator and she'll let me know if I'm too much/annoy her/crossed a boundary of hers.

In her last e-mail she said "Okay, it's a great start, send it to *a prof's name* if he accepts it, great. But if not, there will be other people who accept it."

Which is so reassuring both emotionally and academically.

#B #E #A #T #K #N

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blckcndlwx · 10 months

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I’ve found that I enjoy monster aus and fantasy type settings more and more lately and I’ve been slightly inspired.

Some context first that this is by all accounts a mish mash of different ideas in every single way, I had some old OCs I wanted to revamp and I decided I wanted them to be monsters while putting a fun twist on the usual stuff. Secondary context is that I’m a huge Science nerd and I enjoy reading species studies in that textbook style description so when talking specifically about certain species/races I often use that manner of speaking a bit. Latin, Greek, and Old English are also very prevalent influences in how I go about naming things haha.

I’ve taken to calling this universe ‘Rigor Mortis’ to remind myself that I want there to absolutely be uncanny and eerie elements along with some mildly wholesome ideas. I also just think it’s sounds cool 😎 Pardon me if this is all a lil messy and all over the place 😞

Rigor Mortis is a universe in which the veritable “monsters” of mythology, folklore, and the like are very real and are just as old and prevalent as humankind. Humans of course referred to these creatures as “monsters” for a very long time and though of course there is actual names they have given their kinds the term continued to stick horrendously and the official term is Monstrum when speaking in vagueness of the inhuman.

That being said the power struggle between humankind and monstrum is quite literally ancient. With a variety of Holy Wars being raged as well as retaliatory conquests plaguing the planets history throughout the continents. Eventually though a ceasefire and shaky peace was achieved only barely in the last few decades with multiple civil disputes and arguments of rights for either side still occurring until now. (I wanna say circa the late 1890s early 1900s is about when things get politically stable)

The climate of the interpersonal relationships between humans varies from country to country and can be extreme in its differences. Some countries are responsible for industries like human farms, specialty construction/tailoring, and synthetic nutrition . Simply for the reasons that while there is peace in one particular country it doesn’t change the fact that some monstrum do still require a diet that involves human consumption thus why synthetic means are also being developed, monstrum can also come in such vastly different shapes and sizes there is no way to maintain a standard for ANYTHING so practically everything one owns often is or needs to get specialized.

Humans despite what you may think, are not the majority of the population! In fact Humans are more of a minority (for a multitude of reasons) that only make up about 40% of the planet’s population which does include those contained in the aforementioned farms. Which is not to say that there are not humanoid looking variants of monstrum, the 40% statistic applies to full blooded humans. The numbers having seriously lowered after a boom in monstrum population 😅

Ironically humans, as hilarious as it was to find out after a time, are like O- of the reproductive world of monstrum. They can mix seamlessly with any race of them and the offspring retain a majority of the inhuman traits and very little human ones, a real purists dream. Thus some upper class monstrum who like to stress bloodlines and retain their traits can often pay extensively good money for human aid (willing participants or not) but this fact is also attributed to the influx in monstrum population as more and more cases of interbreeding became slightly more common. To be perfectly honest however humans are largely more common to be fetishized by monstrum than seeking anything romantic

On the subject of reproduction, monstrum are perfectly capable of reproducing within themselves to a degree. These mixed offspring however end up with a strong mixture of both parents and can make for some interesting looking individuals. If a monstrum has fairly mixed heritage, of over 3 specific races, then they’re considered Chimeric! Chimeras themselves don’t fall under the statistics of multiple categories and instead are classified both medically and governmentally by their most prominent race. (Obviously an insectoid can’t reproduce with a lycanthrope or fish person normally, however cases of this and similar situations can be plausible if the parents have just enough human genes to bridge the gap. These individuals are incredibly uncommon but they do exist, as retention of human genes is enormously recessive and take generations of consistent reproduction with humans to acquire them.)

Aside from the 40% of pure humans the remainder 60% of monstrum can be broken down into multiple subsidiary categories. They can be classified based on either the same genus, family, or species classification we may give animals or by specific traits they have in common. (i.e. diet, specific physical features, environment..) but ‘genus’ is the most popular way of classification.

I know I have literally zero followers so nobody else is probably going to read this but me, but I’ve had this sort of open project idea for awhile and figure that here is as good a place as any to write down what I have so far of this universe premise. More posts to come as well detailing actual species/race details

….eventually. Maybe. At some point. If I actually remember to 🥲

#monster #creature #monster au #alternate universe #ish #work in progress #nobody’s gonna see this heehee #everything here is subject to change #I’m developing this universe little by little on my own #there’s so much #oof 😮‍💨#Rigor Mortis

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alexbkrieger13 · 11 months

Note

"Some Swedish people, like this moron Johanna Fränden, has a very weird urge for self-annihilation. That’s why she’s celebrating that Sweden is now an unsafe country full of murders, rape, bombings and gang violence. Most of all exponentially more unsafe for women than a few decades ago. She even says this:

Tar de våra tjejer också? Det får vi nog dessvärre ställa in oss på, eftersom pojkar med utländsk bakgrund alltså i något större utsträckning genomför högre studier än svenskfödda diton, och att högutbildade män står högst i kurs på äktenskapsmarknaden.

Saying that immigrant men will ”take” Swedish women from the Swedish men because they are more intelligent. Who even talks like that? And why does she hate her own people so much? Is this what’s called ”white guilt” in English speaking countries?"

As a Swede I can say this anon is twisting Frändén's words with taking things out of context. The full quote is:

"Sverige står, efter det höga inflödet av framför allt yngre människor i arbetsför ålder under 2010-talet, bättre rustat än många andra EU-länder.

Det får mig att tänka på att den gamla nittiotalsinvändningen mot invandring 'de kommer hit och tar våra jobb' sannerligen inte saknar fog. 'De' kommer rentav hit, börjar arbeta OCH går om svenskar i akademin. Tar de våra tjejer också? Det får vi nog dessvärre ställa in oss på, eftersom pojkar med utländsk bakgrund alltså i något större utsträckning genomför högre studier än svenskfödda diton, och att högutbildade män står högst i kurs på äktenskapsmarknaden. Men det är en annan diskussion."

Secondly, anon isn't familiar with Frändén's style of writing and doesn't understand the format a column has compared to a regular news article. This column is meant to be ironic.

Frändén is one of the highest rated female journalists in Sweden who's won journalistic awards. She's highly intelligent, well educated, very much socially aware and has lived abroad for at least a decade and is fluent in English, Spanish, Italian and French. She's currently living in Paris and has other perspectives than someone who has never lived outside of Sweden.

Read her full column Amy and follow the links in it for her sources. These two are in English:

https://hbr.org/2017/04/why-mass-migration-is-good-for-long-term-economic-growth

https://www.lemonde.fr/en/france/article/2023/01/27/immigration-rose-in-france-in-2022-driven-by-labor-needs-and-foreign-students_6013360_7.html

Frändén is far from a moron. She actually has a point. There's been reports for several years now how boys doesn't do as good as girls in school, plus how the school results have been declining. A worrysome increased numbers of pupils finish 9th grade, högstadiet, with bad grades. It's also well known education is highly valued among immigrants, there's been studies and statistics backing it up. But we don't have to look further than to what Zecira Musovic has told us about her family and siblings.

I get the feeling this anon belongs to the group of people Frändén describes in her column:

"If you balk at that statement, it may be because you gather information from the Swedish media and that they, that is we, are bad at picking up long-term trends. It's been since forever: It will always be more news that an ethnicized gang war rages in Swedish cities than that the majority of immigrants in Sweden go to school and work to an ever greater extent.

The other alternative is, of course, that you listen too much to Swedish politicians, who in recent years have gone out of their way to point out immigration as a problem. Prime Minister Ulf Kristersson even called it 'a burden' in 2021.

It was strangely said for several reasons, not least because it is well known that immigration is generally a long-term economic plus story. In addition, the biggest winners of recent years' migration are those born in Sweden with good finances - that is, Ulf Kristersson's traditional voter base."

This anon reads to me as someone who doesn't like immigration. Wouldn't surprise me if it's the same person who's putting the whole blame on Reinfeldt, when in reality none of the political blocs be it the Moderates or Social Democrats in majority in the government have managed to solve the integration in a good way through the years even before the refugee wave in 2015. We have refugees who'd worked as doctors, nurses, civil engineers, teachers, biomedical analysts etc in their countries. They learnt Swedish but had a hard time to get other jobs than cleaning, bus- and taxi drivers, work within elderly care and the jobs the spoiled rotten Swedes didn't want. Some refugees or immigrants started their own companies, restaurants and food places for example.

I hope you get the picture Amy.

And in general immigration trends to be good to economies

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sapphirelass · 3 years

Text

G'night <3 - Harry Potter x Sister!Reader

Hi!!!! So... It's been what - like 250-something days since I last posted? What happened? Well

1: I graduated 'high school'/'upper secondary school' (it's not exactly the same here in Sweden, but... you know? ;)

2: I received an A on my C1 advanced test

3: I passed all tests, and finally got my driving/driver's license...

4: I got into UNI, wihooo :D

it's been a busy few months, to say the least :)

But I'm back! I wouldn't call this the best thing I've ever written, but I still feel like it's good enough to post. I'm also working on a few other projects, so keep an eye out for that ;)

Note: I will probably have to reread this one more time and check for potential errors, but it's late, so I'm just going to trust Grammarly and post it for now! Enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note:

1: I don’t own any of the gifs used, nor any already established characters, so credit to the authors and original creators - You have done a phenomenal job :)

2: English is not my native language, as I was born and raised in Sweden. I have, however, studied English for almost a decade, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem, I just thought I’d let you know ;)

+ CEFR level C2 (due to passing the C1 advanced test with an A)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count: ≈ 1,3k

Warnings: Mild swearing, mentions of stress and lack of sleep

Enjoy! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/N) - Your name

(Y/N/N) - Your nickname

(Y/H/C) - Your hair colour

(Y/H/L) - Your hair length

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

G'night <3

It was raining. Again. But not just ‘raining’ - it was POURING DOWN - and despite the castle not being surrounded by dementors this year, everything still felt… dark? Cold? Something was changing, and though the ministry refused to listen, (Y/N) was sure that it was a direct consequence of Voldemort’s recent return. She hadn’t slept well the past few months due to nightmares intruding and disturbing her as soon as she started drifting off, thus explaining why she was still awake despite it being almost three AM.

She shifted slightly and used her right hand to push her (Y/H/L), (Y/H/C) hair out of her face. She didn’t find herbology particularly interesting but had decided to use the night to finish as much homework as possible. It’s not healthy, but if you’re unable to sleep, why not be productive instead? (Y/N) kept writing but was suddenly interrupted by a voice whispering her name.

“(Y/N)…?

She turned around, accidentally knocking her bottle of ink over in the process, muttered a quick ‘shit’, and spotted a certain redhead on the staircase leading to the boys’ dormitory.

“Oh, Hey, Ron…”, she mumbled as her close friend quietly made his way to the sofa and sat down next to her. “Why are you up? I didn’t wake you, right?”

“No..?”, he said while placing the now empty bottle on the table. (Y/N) waved her wand swiftly and watched the black-ish liquid disappear from the red carpet beneath them. “No, I woke because of the storm - listen, why're you still up?”

(Y/N) sighed deeply and leant her head backwards while rubbing her eyes tiredly. She could feel Ron staring at her, but opted for silently looking out the window instead of meeting her friend’s questioning gaze.

“(Y/N/N)? C’mon…”

“Can’t sleep… It’s really not more complicated than that. I know I won’t fall asleep, so why try?”

“Oh my-! (Y/N)!”. Ron grabbed (Y/N)’s left arm and turned her around so she was facing him. “Usually you’re better, but occasionally you’re just as hopeless as Harry. You can’t just… I don’t know - stay awake forever?! I… Have you at least talked to him about it?”

“Are you crazy!?”, she whispered angrily. “Ron, of course I haven’t. Do you honestly think that would help either of us?”

“Yes! Yes, I do! (Y/N), I want to help you, but I really don’t think I can. Now, I don’t know how many nights you have gone without sleep, but I do know that your brother has woken me up pretty much every night these past few weeks. Since the two of you are clearly having the same problem, maybe you sho-”

(Y/N) had closed her eyes and was leaning ever so slightly away from Ron whose voice had gotten louder and harsher. She wasn’t usually so… fragile? Sensitive? However, her abnormal childhood had left its mark on her, and it got especially bad when people she knew well were angry or frustrated. Ron knew this but realized his mistake too late.

“Hey, (Y/N/N).”, he mumbled, now much calmer. He slowly moved his hand towards her and placed it carefully on her shoulder once he was sure she didn’t flinch or recoil. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Listen, I just worry, okay? About both of you. Seriously (Y/N/N) - I’m aware that a lot is going on, but Harry wakes up in nightmares if not every, then every other night, and you’re not sleeping at all - it’s not healthy. It’s not always easy to ask for help, but maybe you don’t have to do everything alone all the time? You have friends, (Y/N/N)! We’ll always listen, but if you don’t think we’ll understand, Harry definitely will. Do me a favour, if you don’t wanna talk to me, talk to him, please?

(Y/N) took a shaky breath, moved closer to Ron and let her head rest on his shoulder. He put his arms around her and began gently playing with her hair.

“Thanks”

They sat for a moment, doing nothing but watching the moonlight shining through the window and enjoying each other's company. Ron was about to ask (Y/N) something when he noticed the girl slowly drifting off to sleep with her head on his shoulder. He pushed some of her hair behind her ear and listened to her steady breathing. It was calming somehow, and Ron would have fallen asleep himself if not for the sound of his name being called from behind.

“Ron?”

Turning around quickly, yet carefully, Ron’s eyes met his best friend’s.

“Harry.. Ehm.. Why'ru awake?”

“Nightmare…”, said Harry slowly, noticing his sister sleeping soundly on the sofa. “What’s your excuse?”

“Ehmm…”, mumbled Ron, shifting awkwardly. “I-She-I woke up and heard something, so I went down here and found her still doing homework. Has apparently been sleepin’ just about as good as you.”

Harry sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. “I asked her about that a few days ago… said she was fine. Why wouldn't she tell me?”

“My best guess? She probably didn’t wanna bother you. To be honest, mate, it’s not like it’s been an easy year or anythin’.”

“She could never bother me!”, exclaimed Harry, probably a bit too loud. “She knows that!?”

“Shhh…”, mumbled Ron uncomfortably. “We should probably let her sleep… Look, are you saying you talk to her every time you have a bad dream or… you know - feel down?”

“I guess not, but…”

“Then why are you expecting her to?”

Ron moved (Y/N) and put her head down on the armrest before standing up.

“Look, maybe if you tell her about your struggles she’ll tell you about hers? I don’t know, maybe I’m the wrong person to ask, but it sounds about right to me…?”

“Yeah…”, muttered Harry. “I guess b-”

He turned around quickly when he heard (Y/N) mumble something incoherent.

“Hey, (Y/N/N)?”. He walked closer to the sofa and squatted down by his sister, who was now sweating and whimpering softly - clearly suffering from a bad dream. Harry shook her gently, but she moved away from his touch as her breathing became rapid and shallow.

“(Y/N/N)...”, Harry sighed deeply before taking both of (Y/N)’s hands into his own. He hated the thought of his sister struggling so but knew from experience that it was inevitable. She suddenly inhaled sharply and sat up.

She looked around frantically, but Harry brought her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

“Shhh… Shh, (Y/N/N), you’re fine. I’ve got you, I’ve got you…”

She was breathing even faster and struggled against him, but Harry simply tightened his hold.

“Hey, hey, (Y/N/N)? Shhh… Shhh… (Y/N)! Look at me, please?”

Their eyes met, and eventually, (Y/N) calmed down enough to breathe normally. She sighed deeply and leant her forehead against her older brother’s torso. The common room was completely silent until Ron decided to awkwardly clear his throat and mutter something about going back to bed.

Harry and (Y/N) remained quiet for a while, but eventually, (Y/N) decided to speak up.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry…”

“(Y/N/N), don’t apologize, please! You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I know, bu-”

“No”, said Harry, to which (Y/N) sighed.

“But”, she continued. “I still feel silly every time it happens.”

“I get it, (Y/N/N), you know I do. And I know it’s hard to talk about, but… You help me all the time - would it kill you to let me do the same?”

“Philosopher much?”, said (Y/N) with a slight smile. “You’re right, though… I guess I should have told you, it’s just...“

“Again, (Y/N/N), I get it! Listen, why don’t we both try to get a couple of hours of sleep and then talk tomorrow? It sounds like we might both need it, okay?”

“Yeah”, yawned (Y/N), now realizing just how tired she actually was. The thought of going to sleep still frightened her, but knowing that her brother was close made her feel comfortable enough to give it a try. “Sounds good to me. G’night Haz.”

“Night, (Y/N/N). Love you”

~ L

Masterlist

#harry potter x sister #harry potter x sister!reader #harry potter x reader #harry x sister #harry x sister!reader #ron x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter oneshot #hp x reader #harry potter #ron weasley imagine #ron weasley #gryffindor #harry potter x sister reader

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spiltscribbles · 3 years

Note

Prompt: Pro Athlete Sirius because that my and Remus' kink

~Notes: OMFG VICTOrIA!!!! I FUCKING SCREECHED!!!! lkadfjlaksdgjoiaejfalskdgjioeugisfkldshg Yes tis my kink as well!!! And then I saw this from Nonny and worlds collided and BOOM! I hope you like this my love<3<3 You incredibly talented sugarplum!!! TBH I want to write a thousand more things in this AU XD

FROM THIS LIST | Send Me A Prompt!💜 | A REBLOG MEANS THE GALAXY!!💜

When Remus was young— surrounded by the light breeze of the Welsh coast and the harmony of birds chirping in the distance— he would follow his mother to their small garden behind their cottage at the cusp of twilight as his father cooked their supper, and he’d watch as she laid flat all sorts of newspapers written in French and Arabic and English, watch as she brought her red pen against the ink and marked the articles with underlines and shorthand he wouldn’t understand for years still.

He asked her once, when he was barely eight years old, why she bothered to keep up with so many different publications, why she read the same story penned by countless perspectives when all the facts stayed the same at the end of the day. And he remembers how she had let out a quick, shrill of a laugh, tossing back her golden head while sucking in a puff from the bubbling hookah she had set up besides her— a habit she acquired from her Algerian, refugee parents, and one that became synonymous to those late nights in Remus’s eyes.

“Facts can be wielded to someone’s personal vendettas, Remus John,” she had crooned in that adoring way of hers whenever she spoke to him— honey eyes that were the same color and shape to Remus’s own flashing alight and their matching smiles going crooked in her stunningly beautiful face.

“Oh.” Remus had replied, still confused as all get out but was perfectly fine with just holding his small vigil, watching her beneath moonlight and the soft glow of their outdoors lamps, as he listened to the shuffling of papers while she commenced this odd quirk.

It’s a decade and a half later— as his editor for the Phoenix, a small, but bustling online editorial that plans on dethroning the likes of Politico and Vox in only a matter of years, scans his latest findings on the corrupt boosters linked to MP Avery from Leeds— when Remus thinks he suddenly understands what his mother, with her keen eyes and pixelated air, had meant by facts in how they can be colored differently simply by the words surrounding them. And he wonders if one day soon, one of his bylines will join her little stack of stories, if she’ll be proud of him even if she says as much even now, when he’s a lost twenty-something stumbling through life in the capitol and barely making it as is, between his actual job and the gig he has at the coffee shop nearest his dingy flat he shares with three other blokes.

“Mmm, this is good, Lupin,” Dorcas declares after what feels like an eon, dropping her long, dark legs from where they were lounging leisurely on her desk and scuffs out her cigarette in a pretty, glass ashtray. “Send it over to Flores to look into deeper, maybe it’ll corroborate the info she’s already gotten from her sources.”

Remus feels himself bristle, hopes that it doesn’t show, that his face stays passive as he contends, “I think I should at least help her write the expose, I’m the one who got this bombshell.”

“That’s not how it works, sweets,” Dorcas toots, tossing back her dark head of curls as she rises, perching on the corner of her desk delicately and looking down, straight into his gaze. “I know it’s frustrating, but you’re fresh blood. barely six months here, but Alice has been with us for years. This is her baby, and we’re just here to nurture it.”

“So I’ll have to wait another ten months, at least, to get the same treatment?” He argues in an admittedly petulant way, making Dorcas laugh endearingly, and Remus is suddenly, searingly reminded of his age, and how he’s the youngest staffer that this London based news outlet has on hand.

“C’mon, love, it won’t be that long for someone as sharp as you, just be patient, and don’t try to pull a Zoe Barnes on us, yeah? You’re far too pretty to clean up on the rails of the tube.” Dorcas tousles a hand into his dark tawny curls, and Remus holds back the roll to his eyes that he feels willing up inside of him as he stands fully.

“Thanks Cas.”

She smiles beatifically, and throws him a wink. “You’re joining Emmy for the report tomorrow on those United footballers and their fundraiser for the hospital, yeah?”

“Bright and early,” Remus replies, still feels a bit miffed that he was chosen to write up the charity function, considering he doesn’t know a lick about football and doesn’t really get on with anyone who does. But Caradoc— their typical sports reporter— is out sick with the flew, so it’s on him. “I’ll have it on your desk early enough so it’ll be published by tea time.”

“Good man,” Dorcas says in thanks, picking up her crowing cellphone before waving him off.

Remus isn’t all that surprised when he strides out of the office only to find Benjy Fenwick sitting against the opposite wall, knees pressed to his chest and quickly scrambling up when he catches sight of Remus. Sometimes it’s impossible to believe that the bespectacled man in front of him is one of the top editors for the Phoenix, that he’s a regular corespondent for places like the BBC or CNN— that his rebukes against the piss poor inquiries waged during PMQs have become more anticipated than the sessions themselves. Remus tends to forget all of that when he sees him like this, messy haired and wearing a graphic T-shirt with some marvel superhero embossed on the front. “Wotcher Remus.”

“Hiya Remus says, smiling softly and rocking back on his heels. “You wanted to talk to the sergeant then?”

“Huh? Oh, no, no. I didn’t want to talk to Dorcas, I just— Erm, I know you were showing her that stuff you got from that intern, Pettigrew, and i know you were chafed about not getting any opportunity here so—“ He trails off, scratching the back of his head and studying a point over Remus’s shoulder, and it’s all too endearing, and Remus is so beyond thankful he’s made such a good friend here.

“No cigar,” he says in answer to the unspoken question, shrugging noncommittally even if he feels like shit over it.

Benjy nods, face contrite in a way that tells Remus he never thought it would’ve went otherwise. “I’m sorry, that’s bollocks.”

“’S whatever,” Remus shrugs off the apology, begins walking down the hall and straightening his report to hand over to Alice.

“Ah,, erm. We can get a drink, yeah? In commiseration,” Benjy offers, and Remus stilts only for a beat before continuing the twisting trail to where Alice is set up with the more senior members on staff. And he feels only sorta bad about wanting to refuse. He knows that if he says yes, it’ll mean something different to Benjy than it does him, that he’ll probably take it as Remus finally giving into his pestering and deciding to actually go out with him, even if he’s refuted the other four times he’s asked as much. Remus’s simply just too busy trying to get a footing in this city, and trying to figure out where he’s suppose to go from here, and what he’s suppose to do. And yes, Benjy is cute— a complete Seth Cohen archetype. And he’s sweet and smart and funny enough. But Remus is really not in the mood for doing the whole flowers and wine and candle lit dinners shtick, had gotten enough of that while still with his university boyfriend. And yeah, he’s only just turned 24, but he already feels too old and too jaded for that sort of puppy love— even if Benjy’s got a good decade and some change on him.

Probably sensing his hesitation, Benjy is quick to rectify the offer. “I’ll ask Mary, and Fabian too, and a few others. We can make a night of it, just some drinks on a Friday after work.”

Stalling by the last turn to Alice’s desk, Remus looks at him from over his shoulder, and sort of hates himself for being such a soft hearted fuck sometimes. “Yeah Benj, sounds nice. Just let me know on the group chat, yeah?”

Benjy grins, much more genuine than his awkward quirk of the lips from earlier. “Yeah, good call, I’ll let the others know pronto.”

“Aces,” Remus says, tosses him a obligatory thumbs-up before finding an expectant looking Alice who’s tapping her foot impatiently.

Yeah, today is so bloody shit.

Surprisingly, the round of drinks turns to another and then a third and fourth and Remus is currently nursing his fifth mango margarita on Benjy’s tab, and he actually feels lighter than he has since taking the job at Phoenix, feels bright and bubbling and like absolutely nothing could be wrong as long as he’s got this drink in his grasp and he’s sitting with the handful of reporters and photographers from the office that don’t all have sticks up their asses. It’s fun, it’s good. So obviously it couldn’t have lasted.

Mary is currently cackling about her Uber driver from last night who asked her all sorts of well meaning, but incredibly dense questions about her hijab— a freshly poured glass of coke in one hand, while the other is tangled into her girlfriend Emmy’s. And From his left Remus can hear Fabian ribbing Frank on his crush on Alice, while Benjy scoots intermittently closer as they watch Kingsley and Marlene sparring over something to do with a Kardashian or TikTok trend or whatever the fuck else— The guy has resilience, Remus has to give Benjy that.

“Right, who’s buying next?” Marlene asks, abrasive as ever while scrolling through her phone, ostensively finding something to prove her point against the managing editor.

“Reckon it’s my turn,” Benjy crows, standing up smoothly and glancing down at Remus with a nervous sort of half grin.

“Just a water for me, ta. I need to sober up,” Remus tells him, feels proud that he didn’t even slur slightly. Benjy bobs his head understandingly, and Remus turns to ask Marlene about her latest tinder hookup which always is a good laugh, but then he catches on it. On the sound of the pub’s doors flinging open, followed by a raucous crowd of athletic looking guys probably only a bit older than he is, clambering indoors.

They’re all so very sixth-form, broad grins and slapping each other’s shoulders with jeers, topped off with loud, bark like laughter that makes it obvious to Remus that these wankers think that they’re some sort of group of gods amongst men, roaming around like everyone should fall to their feet and offer everything they have. It makes Remus roll his eyes so far back that it feels like he might’ve sprained them. They just give off this exhausting aura that reminds him of a past boyfriend in tenth year who was on the footie team and who’s favorite activity was either making Remus feel lucky enough to go out with someone so popular, or dragging him around like some sort of bloody trophy.

To put it nicely, Remus sorta hates them on sight. So when he sees one of the tossers— regrettably the brightest of the lot who’s all pearly teeth, and glittering eyes and incredibly impressive shoulders that tape off to a narrow waste in an objectively infuriating matter— swivels up to the barkeep and jostles Benjy on his way, well Remus doesn’t hesitate to dart forwards to tell him off.

“Oi, watch where you’re going, yeah?”

Benjy and the bloke who looks like he might moonlight as a model for Calvin briefs for when he’s not lounging in a yacht off the Tuscany coast, both turn to him at the same time. Benjy looking abashed, and the aforementioned tosser preening like the cat who’s just caught a canary.

“Sorry, love. Didn’t see you there,” he says in a delightfully deep tenner, giving Remus an appreciative once over, and Remus absolutely despises how the action makes him feel both thrilled and irritated. “Trust and believe, I wouldn’t have looked away if I saw you.”

“Not me, arse.” Remus spits back, refuses to pay any credence to how his cheeks have begun to flush. “You bumped into my mate right there, the one with the tray of loggers.”

The tosser darts his almost molten gray eyes over to Benjy for a sparing second before he laser focusses back onto Remus, the most phony expression of contrition all over his face. “Sorry to your friend,” he says the descriptor like a joke that no one else is in on. “Let me buy you a drink in sorry for the one I made slim here spill.”

Remus is officially unimpressed, hopes that his flat tone gets it across. “You’re an arse.”

“You’re mouthy,” he retorts, looks like it’s something he greatly appreciates— delights over even.

“Ah, ’s fine Remus, really. I’ll just bring these back and get us a new glass.”

“Listen to slim, Remus, he’s got the right idea.” The tosser hurriedly interjects, strutting close enough to him that he makes it so Remus has to tip his head back just slightly so not to drop his gaze. “I’m Black, Sirius Black, just to get the pleasantries out of the way.” His leer tells Remus that the name should probably evoke some response of aw into Remus, but all it does is make him sound so egregiously pretentious that Remus wants to smack his own bloody head against a dry wall and stay in the hole until this ruddy Sirius bloke leaves him the hell alone.

“Good for you,” he says instead of all of that, and spots Sirius’s friends from behind Sirius chuckling and elbowing one another. Evidently this is a line the tosser uses frequently, and Remus is pleased that he might be one of the first who aren’t at all impressed by the grandiose way he introduced himself.

“Hah, you know I’m use to the pretty ones playing hard to get, but I’m really feeling here that you’re not exactly liking my company, love.”

Remus sucks in a frustrated breath through his nose, shouldering past Sirius and taking the tray of drinks from Benjy before storming back to their table where the others have begun openly gawping at the scene— Marlene outright squawking with Fabian just as Remus takes his seat.

“Don’t,” Remus warns them all as he silently says fuck off to the water and instead gargles down one of the loggers. And if he has to steadfastly not turn around for the rest of the night towards where he can feel Sirius’s gaze burning into his back— well then so be it.

The next morning, Remus has to puke twice into the toilet, and gulps down three aspirins just to stave off his bloody hangover from the night before where he decided that getting properly sloshed would prove as a good technique to not end up making out with Sirius in some dark corner— or regrettably the backseat of his car. And if he does still remember flashes of ranting to him about how insufferable preppy, rich boys actually are while Sirius gazed at him endeared— well Remus just decides to purge it out along with the stomach acid. It’s not like he’ll ever see the douche again.

He meets Arthur— one of the accountants who also helps out by taking photos for more low key news stories— outside the hospital where the conference will be taking place with the Manchester United team. There was a scrimmage that they all played with some of the kids in the cancer ward that occurred at around eight in the ruddy morning, but thankfully Remus didn’t have to show up until an hour later when the team presented their big shiny check, to the big, shiny hospital.

However, Arthur has been here for hours, so he’s beyond chirpy and looks like he’s downed three cups of espresso as he chatters on about his son Percy starting secondary school, and his eldest, Bill, getting an award for his reading prowess, and all the strange craving his wife has been having throughout her pregnancy with the twins they’re expecting any week now. And Remus loves Arthur, he does— one of the sweetest folks he’s ever met— but God, his head is still thrumming from those misguided tequila shots and he really just wants to get his three quotes, and write up the story so he can find refuge back in his sheets.

While Arthur has moved to talking about his wife, Molly’s, plans to open up a daycare in their refurnished garage, Remus scans his eyes over the familiar face of reporters from other outlets who look just as bored as him, and then to the stage where a woman in a sharply pressed suit is ushering for the group of football stars to join her, so that the conference can finally fucking begin.

And Remus thinks that their faces are sorta familiar, probably from all the publicity they get on the telly— but then he freezes as he stops at one of them with dark brown skin, and thick rimmed spectacles— and he suddenly can hear him chatting about his redheaded girlfriend and drunkenly declaring that she’ll be the mother of his children some day soon. So he completely expects it when his stomach drops as he moves his glance just a bit to the right, being struck by pearly teeth, and glittering eyes and incredibly impressive shoulders that tape off to a narrow waste, made all the more infuriating by the tight kit he’s got on and the blazing number twelve splayed against his chest.

And fuck.

Remus runs through about a dozen scenarios in which he can make a discrete, or not so discrete exit before he notices him, but in tandem to his spiraling thoughts, the wanker actually looks forwards, and like a creepy metal detector, his quick silver gaze pinpoints onto Remus.

They stare at one another for a beat before his smirk goes wolfish, and he runs a hand through his artfully tousled hair in a way that practically screams, fancy meeting you here. And holy fuck he looks so mouth watteringly attractive with that faint film of sweat running down his neck, and how his smile pulls slightly more to the left, and how he’s looking at Remus like he’s his birthday and Christmas presents all rolled into one.

Remus suddenly hates everything— but most of all hates Sirius, and how bloody fit he is.

“Oh, you’re a fan then?”

Starting, Remus shifts around slightly so that he’s facing Arthur completely. “Pardon?”

“Sirius Black I mean, you’re a fan?” Arthur asks in that abrasively congenial and intensely scrutinizing way that he treats everything. “I mean he’s a great player, but I know you don’t really watch. So I bet it’s all that charity work he does, yeah?”

“Charity work?” Remus echos, feeling like a floundering fish.

“Truly some amazing stuff.” Arthur pontificates, rubbing a hand against his jaw as he tips his head back. “I mean obviously I’m partial to the fundraising for Reporters Without Borders, but of course the things he does with the more impoverished kids is great. And I know Molly likes his very outspoken posts about being anti war and his annual live streams to earn money for refugees in those war torn nations, like the last one he did for Syria?”

“Oh—“ Remus says, feeling like his head is being overrun by a fountain of new information.

“Yes well, you don’t usually see athletes get into the thick of it with political issues, but I reckon he never really minded. I mean the fact he’s the first football star from United to have come out without any fanfare really proved that. Oh, I think they’re starting, I should probably get some photos before Dorcas gives me a tongue lashing.”

And as quick as the flash of his camera’s lends, Arthur is using his considerable height to get to a more advantageous spot towards the front, and leaves Remus in the dust, as if he hasn’t just obliterated his every assumption of Sirius from after that initial meeting.

And unbidden, the words his mother had told him so many years ago, about facts and how they can color a situation just simply based off the person who’s speaking them— flood to the forefront of his mind.

“Fucking hell,” Remus mutters lowly, gets jostled by Greengrass, a hawkish reporter from a rivaling publication who always has on the most wickedly sharp acrylic nails, and perfectly quaffed curls— as she waves around her certification to speak her inquiry.

“My question is for Potter,” she announces when the woman leading the event, McGonagall, points her way. “And I was wondering how early you boys have to rise for training during the season? And how intense the sessions are that Coach Hooch puts you guys through?”

Potter, the one with the redheaded girlfriend that Remus heard so much about last night between his ranting at Sirius, parts his lips, but it’s not his voice that ends up reverberating through the outdoors space. Instead, it’s Sirius, who’s shouldering him with a goading air, obviously expecting his comment to have only ended up in Potter’s ear and not caught by the mike.

“I wonder if Lupin will let me wake up with’m so he can let me get some real training done before practices, eh?”

And just as soon as his words pitter off, the entire crowd drops to a hush— quiet enough so that they could probably hear it if a pen dropped.

Sirius’s handsome face— strong jawline, and broad but sharp cheekbones, and a long, narrow nose— goes suddenly ashen, and he flashes over to Remus as if he’s terrified that he’ll bite his face off.

God, what an idiot.

With a long suffering sigh, Remus plucks out the microphone from a slack faced Greengrass’s hand. “We can discuss the regimen afterwards, Black. Just meet me by the front doors and let your mate answer the bloody question.”

Everyone around them falls into laughter that’s caught between uncomfortable chuckles and amazingly amused cackling, but the only person Remus is paying any mind is Sirius, and how he seems to have gone absolutely incandescent, nodding electrically before miming the zip of his lips and gesturing for Potter to carry on.

Jesus help him, Remus has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.

~My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist

~Buy Me A Coffee

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #THE HARRY POTTER SERIES #MARAUDERS #HARRY POTTER SERIES #ILU Victoria!!!#also to anyone side eyeing the buy me a coffee plz do not judge me #i am so searing embarrassed about it #rip #just it's there i guess #calls;jalksdgjaeowifjsadlkgh #look away from me #!!!#lmfao #spilt ink

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soramei · 3 years

Text

Intentional - Part 1

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut,

Word Count: 7.3k

Masterlist

A/N: hey yall this is my first ff im posting on tumblr :D im kinda scared to post but i hope anybody who stumbles on lil ol’ me will join me along the way :) also important!!! i made oc/reader asian cus i am lol (and this whole thing is basically a glorified self insert) so plz keep this in mind when reading!! oh god i didnt realize how slow this first part was sry...

The cold silence of the room felt like stabs at your inside. You commanded your feet to stop bouncing up and down as you unconsciously started to bite off the dead skin of your bottom lip. The white corporate light from above reflected off your brand new lanyard hanging delicately from your neck. You felt the coarse blue fabric rub against your neck as you mindlessly fiddled with your lanyard; the newly printed photo of your face stared back at you with a smile.

The creak of the door to your left was what broke you from your nervous fidgets. Whipping your head up from your lanyard, you immediately stood up ready to bow to whoever came through that door.

It was a girl. She looked around the same age as you, if not older. Her attire was what gave her away. Her appearance essentially mirrored yours: hair tied back into a ponytail with a white blouse and black work pants. She also had the familiar blue ‘JYPE’ labeled strap hanging from her neck.

“Hello,” you spoke meekly, scared to disturb the cold silence that had a hold on the room you were in.

“Hello,” she replied. “My name is Choi Na-eun, I’m the new social media strategist intern and today is my first day.”

This is so relieving, you thought, another newbie to share the stress with me.

“This is my first day too,” you perked up, “I’ll be starting as the new junior Chinese marketing assistant.”

Getting the acceptance email from JYP Entertainment was definitely a high point in your life. The feeling of butterflies swarming your insides as you clicked the email open only to see your acceptance was immediately locked as a core memory. All the years of memorizing thousands of Korean and English vocabulary flashcards, the panic attacks before your finance exams, and the many, many late night coffee breaks were worth it the moment you received your first legitimate job offer, and from the esteemed JYP Entertainment company no less.

“Chinese marketing?” Na-eun asked. “So you aren’t from here, I take it.”

You shook your head. “I am from China. I completed my degree a while ago with a major in Language and a minor in Business. To be honest, I’ve done internships back home, but it’s been my dream to move to a new country.”

All of what you said was true. Up until now, your surroundings have never changed in all of your twenty-three years living. From the walk with your grandmother to daycare to the vast campus of your university, the view of your city has never changed. Your social circle stayed stagnant since you were able to talk and your love life was — for a lack of a better word — uneventful.

It wasn’t until the day you decided to start applying for careers outside your home country that you felt hopeful. Hopeful that you could find an escape from your inert lifestyle and escape the burnout and stress that has been building up over the years. And so, on a day when you were feeling unusually confident, you gathered up the courage and spent hours sending out applications to organizations all over Asia that pertained to your specific degree. The applications were mainly for small jobs at small companies, however, your strange spike of motivation gave you the confidence to apply to the everso esteemed JYP Entertainment located in Korea. Of course you knew about this company — you and your friends played songs by ‘Twice’ nonstop back in highschool — but you didn’t realize the full power that this company had on the entertainment market until you did your full research. To say that you thought you had no chance was an understatement. This application was so far of a reach that you purposefully forced your mind to erase all memory of even applying.

However, with your education, your work experience, and whatever tiny bit of luck you had, you somehow made it through the initial application process. Then the next. And the next. Then the interview. And now, you were nervously sitting in this white painted room with Na-eun, in a completely new country, waiting for your manager to come greet you.

“So you’re from China? You’ve got to teach me chinese sometime.” Na-eun smiled.

You giggled in return while nodding your head. You were relieved that you’ve met a potential friend so early in your career in this company. This was one of your big worries. With your social circle being so stagnant for the majority of your life back in China, you rarely had the opportunity to meet new people, much less make new friends.

You were about to inquire more into Na-eun’s life when the door to your left abruptly opened. In the blink of an eye, three new people strutted in — two women and one man. They seemed to be higher status than you and Na-eun judging by their attire. All three were styled in some type of blazer and dress pants and there was no lanyard to be found on any of them.

“Hello new employees,” the man greeted. Judging by his face, he looked to be in his late thirties at the least. His hair was styled back neatly and his lips slanted up, giving him a fox-like appearance. “I am Executive Manager Kim. Joined beside me on the left is Social Media Manager An and to my right is Marketing Manager Chen.”

Both you and Na-eun immediately stood up to bow and introduce yourselves.

“Hello. My name is Choi Na-eun, I’m the new social media strategist intern.” Na-eun said.

“Hello. My name is y/n, I’m the new junior Chinese marketing assistant.” You repeated after her, copying exactly what she said. You did not want to screw anything up on your first day, especially your first impression.

Manager Kim reached over to Na-eun, introducing himself and giving her a firm handshake. He then slowly moved over to you, and reached for your hand.

“Y/n,” he gave time for your name to settle on his tongue as he gave a sly smile. “You’re not from here, aren't you?”

You shook your head ‘no’. “No, sir. I’m from China where I studied language and business. I hope to do well here as the Chinese marketing assistant.” You replied, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so timid.

“I’m glad to hear,” Manager Kim chuckled, “I’m sure you’ll treat me and your other managers well.”

You felt an uncomfortable shiver pass through you as he brushed his thumb along your hand before letting go. This feeling was excused as nervousness, after all, this was your first day and your first time meeting your higher-ups.

You introduced yourself to Manager Chen, assuming that she would be the one you were to assist in your time here at JYPE. Judging by her last name, you presumed that she was Chinese as well.

“Forgive me for being so straight up Manager Chen, but are you Chinese?” You asked.

“That is alright, y/n,” she smiled, “I’m not. My Husband is, but I’ve lived in China for more than half my life. I don’t want to brag, but my mandarin has gotten proficient over the past decade or so.”

Proficient? It’s amazing. You thought. This first day was turning out better than you thought. Other than the weird feeling you received from Manager Kim, everything was turning out splendid. A potential friend and a manager that could speak your first language.

“Since it’s about noon right now,” Manager Kim took a look at his watch, “What do you all think about some lunch?”

The other managers nod their heads in agreement and gestures for you and Na-eun to follow them out of the waiting room you were in for so long.

The whole building seemed so clean. With every corner lit, by natural light or artificial light, you could clearly see that every room, every piece of furniture and decor had been purposefully placed. You couldn’t help but have a stupid look of awe plastered on your face as you mindlessly follow your superiors over to the cafeteria.

You turned your head over to Na-eun and gave her a tilt of the eyebrow, silently saying wow, this is where we work.

With the turn of a corner and several silent strides, your little group made it to the cafeteria.

The difference between your claustrophobic waiting room and this vast room was astonishing. With countless tables and romantic yellow lighting, this place almost resembled a five star restaurant. You’ve never seen a cafeteria as extravagant and clean as this before. However, to be fair, you’ve never had the experience of working with such a large corporation before.

The managers led you to the serving station where you grabbed yourself a tray and proceeded to spoon small portions of rice and side dishes onto your plate. This cuisine was different to what you were used to, but nonetheless looked delicious. You were prepared for the small cultural differences, especially with the food, but from everything you’ve witnessed so far, the culture shock would be easier to overcome than what you’ve anticipated.

“Have this soup y/n,” Manager Kim’s grating voice came from in front of you, interrupting your inner monologue. “It’s good for your complexion.”

As Manager Kim hands over the bowl of soup, you feel the sleeve of his blazer brush up against your shoulder, causing the pit of your stomach to drop.

First day nerves. That was what this feeling was. You thought.

You quietly thanked him with a small nod and walked briskly from the service line, trying to find where Na-eun went with the other two managers. Thankfully, they were just a step away and you quickly made your way over to the comfortable spot beside Na-eun. She gave you a small grin and you both followed your way to a table right in the middle of the room.

Soon, all five chairs of the table got filled and sounds of chopsticks tapping and scraping against plates and bowls filled your ears. An awkward silence dominates your table as you start to pick at your food.

“So,” Manager Chen cleared her throat, “after lunch I was thinking we should go to a meeting room and discuss Miss. Y/n’s role in our new project.”

“I was thinking the same for our new Intern Choi.” Manager An cut in, “What do you think, Manager Kim?”

“It all sounds good. I will be accompanying Manager Chen to her meeting room as I wish to also further discuss the preliminary steps for our project.” Manager Kim looked from Manager Chen over to you.

“Project?” You ask.

“We’ve had a very successful year with our idol groups and we wanted to ride this success and start marketing in China. Recently, we’ve noticed a very large and growing Chinese audience for this group. I’m sure you’re very curious now, however we can discuss further details once we are in the meeting room.” Manager Chen replies while taking a sip of the water in her glass.

Manager Chen appeared to be a very professional and respectable woman. With prominent collarbones and wide shoulders, she easily looked the part of a confident and adored manager. She needed minimal makeup to highlight her tall cheekbones, and even with a short heel on her feet she seemed to tower over you. However, her warm and comforting voice was what broke her intimidating demeanour. Just listening to her voice felt like you were back in your high school classroom with your favourite teacher explaining the motif of a sad love poem.

After some more awkward conversations mixed with a few work discussions, the five of you finished the delicious food on your trays.

“Please excuse me whilst I head to the restroom” Na-eun spoke up after your group finished clearing the table.

“Please excuse me as well.” You quickly followed, bowing as you both ventured off to the washrooms.

I should get her number so I’m not completely a loner in this place, you thought to yourself. And so, after a quick inner struggle to speak up, you finally decided to ask.

“Hey, should we exchange contacts? I don’t wanna look like the newbie eating in the cafeteria alone after today.” You chuckled.

“Totally!” Na-eun beamed. “I was actually thinking the same thing…”

And so, you both quickly exchanged each other's contact as you made your way to the restrooms.

The hall of the washrooms were narrow, hidden away from the main cafeteria. You walked in, deciding you only wanted to retouch your hair and makeup before your first official meeting. You carefully fix the loose hairs that somehow escaped the confines of your elastic and dab on a fresh layer of foundation before applying your lipstick which rubbed off while eating. Looking over at Na-eun, you see she’s quite in the zone redoing her mascara.

“Hey, I’ll just wait for you in the hall.” You said.

Na-eun gave you a disinterested nod back as she kept focusing on her mascara.

You walked to the end of the hall, leaned against the wall, and pulled out your phone. Smiling, you opened the virtual Tamagotchi app and saw your little friend staring back at you, bouncing up and down. The bundle of virtual pixels happily bounced as you fed and bathed it, making you happier in return. Playing this game, you were so entranced with your phone that the abrupt closing of the washroom doors broke you out of your hypnosis fast, causing you to flinch and drop your phone.

You looked up, only to see a brown haired man wearing a long sleeved black shirt. The hem of his sleeve fell, covering his hand as he bent down to pick up your phone. He stood back up, fully facing you now and you immediately recognized who he was. You weren’t a fool, of course you did all your research on the artists of JYPE before applying for the job. Looking down at you right now, holding your phone in his hand, was Bang Chan of Stray Kids.

The wispy tufts of his brown hair bounced over his forehead as he stepped over to you. He smiled, his dimple poking out of his cheek, and handed your phone back to you. “I think you dropped this.”

Blushing tomato red, you embarrassingly accepted the phone, trying not to make your shaking hands noticeable. It seemed like that failed, however, as you noticed him glance at your hands and dimple grow deeper.

“Thank you.” You meekly chirped and lowered your head, still in awe that you somehow bumped into a JYPE idol in the bathroom hallway of a cafeteria.

“It’s good that there’s no cracks.” Bang Chan said, looking in your eyes.

You looked back into his eyes. His smile never left his face, and you physically felt the warmth radiating off his body like rays from the sun. Some boring, objective part of your brain knew this interaction only lasted a fraction of a second, but you swore that time froze.

“Hyung!” A distant voice called.

Your trance was broken as Bang Chan looked over to the person calling his name. He turned back to you, politely bowed, and casually sauntered over to the man who called him.

What just happened? Your inner monologue ran, still trying to process the embarrassing interaction. The scent of his cologne lingered, swirling the atmosphere around your body.

Thankfully, you didn’t have too much time to dwell on this interaction as Na-eun finally opened the washroom doors and was making her way toward you.

You and Na-eun trailed behind the managers until you reached the set of elevators. It was there where you had to unfortunately separate from your comfort work buddy as she hopped in the elevator across from yours with Manager An. The other two managers led you to the elevator at the end and pressed the button for your destination floor. The ride in the elevator was silent. You stood there, fiddling with your nails.

Once the elevator gave the ding of arrival, the three of you headed down a hall where you presumed had the meeting room.

Manager Kim took a look at the watch on his wrist. “We are a minute late, everybody should be there already. Enter silently and respectfully.” He said in a stern voice.

You reached the frosted glass door of the meeting room and entered through the already opened door. The managers followed behind you with Manager Chen being the last one in and closing the door.

Your eyes widened at whom you saw.

There was Bang Chan, who sat in all his glory, staring right into your eyes with his mouth ajar. His shocked expression didn't last long, however, as he quickly composed himself to fit with the professional atmosphere of this room.

But why was he here? You thought. He’s an artist, isn’t this a management meeting?

Your inner monologue was broken by Manager Kim’s stern voice. “Y/n, why don’t you sit with me for today?” He asked with a slight tilt of the lips. His hand was hovering above your back, almost guiding you to the seat just right of the head chair.

Your heart rate quickened. There was no way that you could handle sitting right beside a high position manager on your first day. You barely knew what your duties entailed, you definitely could not handle the pressure of this seat today. You whipped your head around to look for Manager Chen. She was already sitting in her seat, looking like she was right at home.

“Manager Kim, if you don’t mind, I would like to sit in this position for today, '' a voice spoke up, “I have a lot of new ideas I’d like to share that are written in my notes.”

Bang Chan.

He paused a brief second, eyes switching between you and Manager Kim, and raised his iPad to show the screen filled with words.

“I don’t mind at all, go ahead.” Manager Kim monotonously replied. He then made his way to the head chair.

You looked over at Bang Chan, trying to subtly send the most grateful facial expression over to him. He returned your look, slightly grinning as his fingers tapped on the screen of his iPad and sat down to the right of Manager Kim. You looked over to see Manager Chen gesturing you to sit in the chair beside her and swiftly made your way over. At your seat, she handed you a notepad and pen, both adorned with the JYPE logo.

“Now, as of 1:02 p.m., September first, the meeting will officially begin.” Manager Kim clasped his hands together on top of the table. “As most of you already know, we are in the preliminary stages of planning a Chinese debut for our artist group ‘Stray Kids’. All we have right now is the estimated timeline, which is four months. We have a basic grasp of the concept we are working towards, however, as you all know, trends are always changing and growing. While we are working to create a new and original concept for Stray Kids, we also want the concept to gather as much audience reception as possible.”

Wow. That was a lot to take in. Your hands struggled to keep up with writing down what Manager Kim was saying. You knew this relatively new group was really starting to explode in the past year, but a debut in another country? This group must work really hard to even have the company consider a step as risky as this. So this is why Bang Chan is also involved in this meeting.

You peaked your head up from your notepad. Bang Chan sat across from you, one hand on his chin and the other one holding the pen to his tablet.

Manager Kim then carefully discussed the duties that each group in the room would take. Many of the jobs were directly involved with developing the concept itself, such as producing music, concept art, and theme development. Your pen never took a break from gliding on the notepad as you hurriedly jotted down everything that Manager Kim said.

Eventually, Manager Kim’s delegations moved to Manager Chen. “Manager Chen, I’ll let you take over from here.”

“Thank you Manager Kim,” Manager Chen cleared her throat. “While my main job here was to market Korean comebacks towards the Chinese audience, this new project changes things up a bit. Now, not only will I be in charge of marketing to the Chinese audience, but I will also be directly in charge of the concept itself. I will be working carefully with our team in China to monitor the trends which we can incorporate into our debut.

“This is my new assistant, y/n,” She turned and gestured to you. You politely nodded your head. “She will be gathering information on useful trends and reporting back to me, as well as some translating. Please report any ideas that you deem useful to her by the end of every week for her to sort through and deliver to me.”

You almost want to call Manager Chen crazy for giving you so much power, after all, you were only starting out as her assistant. Despite this, however, you were determined to go above and beyond with the new responsibilities given to you, after all, you knew that choosing to work in an organization as big as JYPE would take blood, sweat, and tears.

After some clarifications given by Manager Chen and a few more questions directed at her, Manager Kim took the reins back in his hands.

“Now, as I’m sure you all know, this is Bang Chan: the leader of Stray Kids. Although our management team is in charge of this debut, we like to include the opinions of artists whenever possible. He will make an appearance whenever he can and act as a representative of Stray Kids, sharing their ideas and opinions.” Manager Kim explained.

Bang Chan politely introduced himself, and quickly went on to express some concerns of his members. He made sure that each concern was answered thoroughly by Manager Kim before moving on to the next.

“As for our concept ideas,” Bang Chan’s soft brown eyes met yours, “will I have to report to y/n?”

You felt your ears redden.

“You could, yes,” Manager Kim straightened his back, “but if you find the weekly deadlines too much of a problem, you may just report to me or at any subsequent meeting.”

“No worries sir,” Bang Chan’s eyes lingered on yours for a fraction of a second more before grinning at Manager Kim, “I’m always punctual.”

The rest of the meeting consisted of more introductions and preliminary plans. After about an hour, everybody seemed satisfied with the contents of the meeting and were starting to pack up all their clutter on the table. You looked over at Manager Chen, silently asking what should I do next?

Manager Chen smiled. “Let's head to my floor. I can give you a quick tour, you can get settled at your desk. I have some paperwork that I’m almost done with; I’m sure you’ll have no problem finishing it for me.” She already was standing up and straightening over the creases of her jacket.

You stood up as well and followed behind Manager Chen like a lost baby duckling. You both made your way over to Manager Kim to bid farewell. You politely thanked him, said your goodbyes, and were about to leave when he stopped the two of you.

“Manager Chen, let’s go out for drinks tonight.” Manager Kim took a look at the intricate watch on his wrist. “With our whole team, of course. It’ll be a welcoming night and we can get to know the people on our team better.”

“That’s a great idea, Manager Kim,” Manager Chen nodded at his idea in approval. She turned on her iPad to quickly get a glimpse at her schedule. “What do you think y/n? Can you make it tonight? I know this is very last moment, but I think it’ll be a great opportunity for you to get to know your coworkers better.”

“I should be able to make it.” You definitely could make it. You had no plans anyways.

“Am I invited to this top secret party you’re all having?” A now very distinguishable voice came from behind you. Bang Chan stared at Manager Kim with a very mischievous expression.

“Would your manager allow it?” Manager Kim questioned, knitting his eyebrows.

“I’m on a diet, so I can’t drink alcohol or eat anything,” Bang Chan’s nose scrunched up in annoyance, “but I want to be as involved as I can. Just because I’m an idol doesn’t mean I can’t help behind the scenes as well.”

“Very well,” Manager Kim nodded with a fixed expression, “Let’s all meet at that restaurant about a block away west. I’ll go tell the others.” And with that, Manager Kim left you, Manager Chen, and Bang Chan to stand in awkward silence.

“Well,” Bang Chan cleared his throat and clapped his hands together, “I’ll get going as well to do some work now, but it was nice meeting the both of you.”

“You as well.” Manager Chen replied for the both of you and Bang Chan left soon after.

Manager Chen then led you to the elevators again and you headed up yet another few floors to reach your destination. You nervously fiddled with your hair as you silently waited behind your boss, looking up at the smooth lines of her blazer every few seconds. The elevator doors dinged, letting you know of its arrival. The two of you swiftly headed out the elevators and walked to what you presumed was Manager Chen’s office area. You kept following behind Manager Chen in silence before you stopped in front of a set of doors that looked identical to the ones at the previous meeting room. Manager Chen opened the doors for you, and you headed in.

You paused a step in, looking wide-eyed at the interior. The office was clean. A big glass desk sat right in the middle of the vast room in front of a huge set of windows. There were a couple of soft looking chairs placed right before the desk with a huge rug right underneath it. Over to your left, you spotted a water dispenser with a kettle right beside it. You stared at the room a bit longer before realizing you must have looked very stupid with that astonished look on your face.

“Is this your office, Manager Chen?” You asked.

“Yes. It seems that you like it,” She chuckled. You felt the heat rise to your ears.

“Since you’ll be working so close to me, I’m sure you’ll be happy to come here more often.”

“Thanks.” You awkwardly laughed. You blamed your bad response on the fact that you still weren’t familiar with the language, not your blatant awkwardness.

Manager Chen made her way over to her desk, picking up a small stack of papers. “These are some letters I’ve received from several designer companies in China. Since we are still in the very preliminary stages of this project, we would like to keep our options open for the stylists here.” She picks an annotated letter from the pile. “I’ve translated and created a summary of the main points of this letter. There are a few more left which I believe I can trust you with. Just do as I did with this letter and add the sample pictures along with it.”

You quickly complied, taking the stack of papers from her hands.

“I’ll show you to your new work space.” She led you out of your office and over to a cubicle that wasn’t too far away. It was considerably smaller compared to Manager Chen’s office, but you thought it had a certain coziness to it. Plus, working close to your coworkers could also boost your motivation. “Here is your desk, it’s not the most exciting thing, but you may bring photos or whatnot to decorate it. Now, I’ll let you settle in and get started on your work. You can meet me at my office around six, I can double check your work before we leave.”

You thanked her before she left and immediately got started on your work. You diligently translated the whole of the letters before picking out the main points that matched with Manager Chen’s example. After this was done, you included the photos that came with each letter and slipped them into their own cozy folder. This work was monotonous, sure, but it was something you needed on your hectic first day here.

You were so captivated by your work that you completely forgot about the time. The sun was starting to set, and you only remembered to look at the time after you tucked your last letter neatly in its folder. You briefly panicked, praying that you weren’t making your manager wait. Thankfully, it was only a quarter until six. You took the next fifteen minutes double checking your work, making sure to also check the time every once in a while. At exactly six, you left your desk and scurried over to the big doors of Manager Chen’s office.

Knocking a couple times, you waited patiently to be let in.

“Come in.”

You let yourself in, handing the papers to your manager, then sat quietly in one of the chairs before her desk, crossing your fingers together. You fiddled with your thumbs, patiently waiting for Manager Chen to speak up.

“Not bad, this is some decent work.” Manager Chen announced as soon as she finished glossing over your work. “I’ve noted some places that you can either fix or improve. I’ll scan them and hand you a copy tomorrow.”

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding. A tidal wave of relief washed over you as you let yourself relax further into your chain. Not bad, this is some decent work. You proudly repeated this moment in your brain. Although you were disappointed with the mistakes that you let slip through, to get somewhat of a compliment on your first day meant a lot to you.

“Shall we get going now?” Manager Chen asked.

You grabbed your bag and stood up. “I’ll let you lead the way.”

_______

It seemed like all you were doing on your first day was following Manager Chen around like a lost puppy. The situation right now was no exception either, as you tried to copy her confident strides over to the restaurant a block down. You watched the busy rush hour streets and sidewalks fill with people, some people going home after a long day, some people going to party just like you.

Soon, after a few more minutes of walking, the both of you arrived at the small wooden doors of the restaurants. It seemed like the both of you were a bit late as Manager Kim was already waiting in front of the entrance with the rest of the team. Bang Chan was also there, head down looking at his phone.

“Sorry we’re late, have you been waiting for long?” Manager Chen somehow sounded confident despite making everybody wait on her.

Her voice seemed to have caught everybody’s attention. You watched as Bang Chan swiftly turned his head up from his phone, his eyes making contact with yours. You immediately focused your eyes somewhere else, trying to casually play off the fact that your eyes subconsciously drifted to him.

“We’ve only been waiting for a couple minutes.” Manager Kim gave a tight smile. “Let’s go in before you all get too cold.”

Your little group of around ten people slowly entered the doors, filling the restaurant. Manager Kim called over a waitress, signaling that you had ten people in your group, and let the waitress lead you all to a long wooden table.

The restaurant was nice, nothing too fancy, but that’s how you could tell the food was good. With dim lighting and tightly packed tables, it made you feel fuzzy and warm on the inside.

However, your thoughts on the restaurant were soon broken by a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/n, why don’t you sit with me?” Manager Kim’s lips curled up, “After all, this is a work gathering, how good of a boss would I be if I didn’t even treat my newest team member to a drink?”

Your brain was in shambles. You seriously didn’t feel comfortable sitting with him all night. However, the logical side of your brain was saying something different. He’s just being nice as a boss. You don’t know how people in this country act anyways, stop being paranoid.

It seemed like your inner turmoil was taking longer than necessary, as you heard another familiar voice speak up.

“Manager Kim-” Bang Chan called out.

“You don’t need to sit with me here, Bang Chan.” Manager Kim chuckled as he stared directly in Bang Chan’s eyes. “I’d rather not talk about work outside the office.”

You watched as Bang Chan’s eyebrows furrowed, looking back to you in reluctance. You smiled at him before turning your attention to Manager Kim. It was just one night, right? Plus, there’s no harm in establishing a good impression with your boss.

“I’ll sit with you, Manager Kim.” You smiled, “thanks for offering.”

And so, you took your seat next to Manager Kim at the table. Bang Chan, who was to your left, looked askance at Manager Kim for a brief second before his facial expression did a complete 180. His familiar, boy-ish smile was plastered on his face like it was the most natural thing.

When the menus came, everybody at the table — including you — started to order onslaughts of food and alcohol. After brief moments of casual chatter about topics such as the weather or how good the food was here, everything that was ordered arrived at your table.

You grabbed a can of beer and started sipping on it. You’ve drank before — of course — with your old friends at university, but it’s been at least a year since you last did. Better ease myself in. You thought.

However, your preconceived plans were ruined when a small glass of clear liquor got pushed in front of you.

“Y/n, surely you aren’t going to sip on that can all night.” The ends of Manager Kim’s lips curled up.

“Wasn’t planning to, sir.” You replied while tipping the glass up and into your mouth. The bitter liquid burned your throat as it went down. You took a moment to recollect your surroundings. Seems like your tolerance was higher than you thought.

“Bang Chan, do you not drink? Why not eat something then?” Manager Chen pointed to the food on the table.

“No can do ma’am, I’m on a strict diet. My manager would kill me.” Bang Chan pointed to his glass of water.

“In that case,” Manager Chen filled another glass, “Y/n, have another drink.” She slid the glass down the table in front of you.

You gladly accepted your second drink, downing the alcohol in one go. Your eyes instinctively squeezed together as you felt your throat burn. From the tips of your ears to the ends of your toes, your whole body felt warm and alive.

You lost track of the time. As your conversations got livelier, your head got fuzzier. You stopped counting your drinks after four, especially since so many people were eager to offer the new employee a drink. Although your vision was starting to blur, you could still think straight. I can still think, you thought to yourself, still — what a powerful buzz.

Your thoughts ran rampant in your mind as you stared at the lightbulb across the room. What a pretty light. So bright. Warm.

“Y/n.”

Was the light calling your name?

“Y/n!”

Your eyes focused again and snapped away from the lightbulb. Where was the voice coming from? You slowly turned your head. Bang Chan.

“Hi.” You smiled.

“Hi.” He smiled back. So bright. Warm. “It’s been hours and I haven’t even offered you a drink yet.”

You tried to focus your eyes on his face as he slid the glass over to you. One more drink wouldn’t hurt your buzz, right?

You gladly accepted, slowly moving your hand over to the glass to pick the clear liquid up. It went down in one go just like all the others.

Huh? Was this water?

You struggled to focus your eyes on the person who offered you the drink. “That was yummy.”

“I bet it was,” the talking blur chuckled, “How about another one?”

You nodded, then took the glass he slid towards you. It’s funny how water flows even when in a cup. Water. You needed to pee.

“Hey,” your words dragged out, “where’s uh, where’s the washroom?”

“Follow me. I’ll show you.” Manager Kim stood up and reached his hand out towards you. You didn’t want to take it, but it seemed like nobody was noticing his offer.

Reluctantly, you took his hand and stood up, only to stumble down again. Did your knees not want to listen?

“Whoa there, better hold on.” Manager Kim said.

“No, I can walk. I-I can walk.” You let go of Manager Kim and tried to focus all your brainpower on moving your feet in a straight line. This tactic only worked for a second, however, as your knees gave in and you stumbled down.

“It’s obvious that you can’t.” Manager Kim’s lips turned up. “It’s time for you to go home. I’ll take you back.”

What? No. You didn’t want Manager Kim to take you home, not after all the awkward events of today and the general vibe from him. You tried to express your thoughts, but nothing came out of your mouth.

“Manager Kim, you’ve been drinking!” Bang Chan’s voice came from some part of the room. “It’s not safe to drive, I’ll call a taxi for you.”

“What about Y/n here? I’ll get a taxi for us both.” Manager Kim said.

“I called my manager earlier to pick me up, we can drop her off along the way. It’s not a good idea to put two drunk people in a car. I’m completely sober right now, so let me do all the work.” Bang Chan grinned, patting Manager Kim on his shoulder.

“Is that what you want, Y/n?” Manager Kim glared.

You dizzily nodded.

“Alright. In that case, I can call my own taxi later.” Manager Kim grimaced.

“Stay safe, Manager Kim.” Bang Chan smiled. He turned to you. “My manager’s been waiting outside for a while now, do you want to leave now?”

You nodded. You tried to start walking again, but your damn knees just wouldn’t listen.

“Do you want to hold on to me?” Bang Chan knitted his brows together and held out an arm.

“I,” you slurred, “can walk.” You tried to start your feet again, only to end up stumbling down.

“I know you can,” Bang Chan said as he reached his hands out to stabilize you, “but — ah — I’m really tired after today. Can you hold on to my arm so I won’t fall out of exhaustion?”

You agreed to help him. Bang Chan waved to everybody still at the table before leading the two of you out to a black SUV. He allowed you to stumble your way in the back seats first before sliding in himself. He asked you for your address, which took many tries for you to accurately type it into his phone.

You leaned your head against the window, staring at passing blurred lights as Bang Chan’s manager started driving. Just being away from the loud and bright environment seemed to have cleared your head a little, but the pounding would not stop. You cursed yourself for being so irresponsible on your first day, especially because you were still alone in this new country.

“Hey,” you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder, “want some water?” You looked over to see Bang Chan holding out a plastic bottle with the lid screwed off.

You languidly reached your hand out for the bottle and gulped down as much water as you could in one breath before handing it back to him. The street lights started getting blurrier as you tried to fight exhaustion, the muscles in your eyelids starting to get more and more uncontrollable.

“Y/n.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t fall asleep yet, we’re almost there. Ten more minutes.”

You couldn’t hear anything after that, however, as you felt your eyes give up on you and your body fall into a deep sleep.

“Y/n… Y/n.” A familiar voice called.

You fluttered your eyes open, your head pounding. Not knowing where you were, you surveyed your surroundings in a panic. It seemed as though you were in the back of a car… Parked outside of your apartment building?

“Hey, you’re finally awake.” Bang Chan’s voice entered your ear. It all came rushing back to you; the restaurant, the drinking, entering the SUV.

“How long have we been parked here?” Your groggy voice sounded inhuman. You had to clear your throat a couple times.

“It’s only been twenty or so minutes. I’m not allowed to leave the car, are you able to get home alone? I can ask my manager to go with you.” Bang Chan scratched the back of his neck.

“I should be fine.” You mumbled, a bit embarrassed to have fallen asleep in the car of a person you just met that day. This wasn’t even his car, it was his manager’s.

“Hey… can I put my number in your phone?” Bang Chan avoided your eyes. “Just so you can tell me when you get home.” He quickly added.

“Okay.” You awkwardly handed him your phone with your contacts already opened. He quickly typed his phone number in before handing it back to you.

“Text me when you get home. Remember to lock your door, okay?”

You thank both him and his manager before hurrying back to your apartment. Your head was still pounding unrelentlessly as you pressed the elevator button for your floor. The events of today were still unprocessed in your brain. You met a potential friend, which was a highlight. However, you also met two higher up managers and an actual idol, only to get hilariously drunk in the presence of. At least it’ll make a good story to tell my mom. You thought.

In no time, you made it in your apartment and locked the door behind you, remembering what Bang Chan told you in the car. You texted the new number in your phone.

Y/n: Hi. It’s y/n. I just entered my apartment.

Not even a minute later, your phone lit up, signaling a new text message.

Bang Chan: great!! remember to lock the doooor hahaha ( ◕ω◕✿ )

You subconsciously grin at your phone. Cute. Throwing your phone haphazardly on your bed, you begrudgingly began your night routine. After washing up and throwing on a random shirt from your closet, you fell on your bed ready to sleep. You were about to close your eyes when your phone lit up again with a ding. It was another text.

Bang Chan: Hey… Just so you know, if you ever feel unsafe around the office just tell me okay? I’ll always try to help you in whatever way I can.

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids fanfic #skz scenarios #skz imagines #bang chan #bang chan scenarios #bang chan imagines #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chan smut

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impostoradult · 4 years

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Media Market Research (and why its undermining all the things you love)

Trying to understand what is dysfunctional about Hollywood is an epic task, and the answers are like the stars – arguably infinite. Hollywood is dysfunctional for literally more reasons than I could count.

But market research plays a fairly heavy role in its dysfunction (IMO) and the time has finally come for me to add my professional two cents about this issue. (This rant of mine has been building for a while, FYI. Hence why it is so...comprehensive. There is a tl;dr section towards the bottom, if you want the high level summary)

*** For the last 4+ years I’ve worked in the field of market research, almost exclusively with major media makers like Warner Bros., NBCU, AMC/BBCA, Viacom, FOX (before Disney acquired them), A+E, etc. (this past year I quit the job where I was doing this work for a variety of reasons, many of which will become clear as you keep reading, but I am still listed as a consultant on the company website): https://www.kresnickaresearch.com/who/ (Rachel)

And just for comparison, here is a Halloween selfie I took 4 years ago and posted on my blog, so you can see I am who I say I am.

I know a fair amount about how market research on major media franchises is conducted and how it influences production, and a lot of these choices can also be at least somewhat tied back to the massive flaws in the market research industry and its impact. *** First, at the highest level, you need to understand market research in general is not well-conducted much of the time. Even the people doing a reasonably good job at it are VERY limited in doing it well because of financial constraints (clients don’t want to spend more than they have to), time constraints (clients want everything done as fast as humanely possible) and just the inherent problems within the industry that are decades old and difficult to fix. For example, all market research ‘screens’ participants to make sure they qualify to participate (whether it is a mass survey, a focus group, a one-on-one interview, etc.). So, we screen people based on demographics like race, gender, age, household income, to get representative samples. But people are also screened based on their consumption habits. You don’t want to bring someone into a focus group about reality TV if they don’t watch reality TV. They aren’t going to have anything useful to say.

However, a lot of the people who participate in market research have made a ‘side-gig’ out of it and they know how to finesse the process. Basically, they’ve learned how to lie to get into studies that they aren’t a good match for because most market research is paid, and they want the money. So, a lot of TV and film market research is being done on people who don’t actually (or at least don’t regularly) watch those shows or movies or whatever but have learned how to lie well enough in these screening processes to make it through. And because of the aforementioned time and money issue, clients don’t want to spend the time or money to actually find GOOD participants. They just accept that as an inevitable part of the market research process and decide not to let it bother them too much. So, a fair number of the people representing YOU as a media consumer are people who may not be watching Supernatural (for example) at all or who watch a rerun occasionally on TNT but haven’t been watching consistently or with ANY amount of investment whatsoever. You can see why that creates very skewed data. But that’s just the tip of the skewed iceberg. *** Second, media market research is conducted in line with the norms of market research more broadly, and this is a huge problem because media is a very atypical product. How people engage with media is far more complex and in depth than how they engage with a pair of jeans, a car, or a coffee maker. There are only so many things that matter to people when it comes to liking or not liking a coffee maker, for example. Is it easy/intuitive to use? How much space does it take it on my counter? How expensive is it? Does it brew the coffee well? Maybe does it match my décor/kitchen aesthetic? Can I make my preferred brand of coffee in it? The things you as a consumer are going to care about when it comes to a coffee maker are limited, fairly easy to anticipate in advance, and also easy to interpret (usually). How people mentally and emotionally approach MEDIA? Whole other universe of thing. Infinitely more complex. And yet it is studied (more or less) as if it is also a coffee maker. This is one of the many reasons I decided to leave the media market research field despite my desire to have some ability to positively influence the process. As so often seems to be the case, I fought the law and the law won. I could never make the other people I worked with in the industry understand that the questions they were asking were not all that useful a lot of the time and they weren’t getting to the heart of the matter. They were just following industry standards because they didn’t know any better and none of them want to admit they don’t REALLY know what they’re doing. Which leads me to point 3. *** Most of the people doing this research don’t have any expertise in media or storytelling specifically. They are typically trained as social scientists in the fields of psychology, anthropology, sociology, or math/statistics. And many of them do not have any kind of specialization or education in media/storytelling beyond the English classes they took in high school and the one Media Studies course they took as an elective in college. Most of them have a very unsophisticated understanding of narrative structure, thematics, tropes, subtext, etc. They mainly think in terms of genres at the VERY broadest level. Also, not infrequently, they don’t watch or have much knowledge of the shows they are supposed to be doing research on, beyond what they’ve read on IMDb or Wikipedia or what is generally common knowledge. Unless they by chance happen to watch the shows themselves (which often they don’t) they often know very little about the shows they are crafting these questions about. Again, partly because they think it is like the coffee maker, and you don’t need to understand it in any depth to research it. (I know this must sound insane to you as avid media consumers, but that is the general attitude among those who do market research) There is such a lack of sophistication in how people in the business side of the industry understand media and storytelling. Most of them are either MBAs or social scientists and their training has not prepared them to examine fictional works with the kind of depth that people in the Humanities (who are specifically trained to study texts) have. Somehow, despite the fact that the Humanities is all about understanding texts, that is the one discipline they make almost no use of in the business side of Hollywood. And boy howdy does it show. *** Point 4 – average consumers CANNOT ARTICULATE WHY THEY LIKE THINGS. Particularly media things. I know this sounds condescending, but it is my honest observation. It is unbelievably hard to get people to have enough self-awareness to explain why they actually like things, especially things as mentally and emotionally complex as media. What typically happens when you ask people why they like a TV show or movie, for example? They will tell you what they most NOTICE about the TV show or movie, or what is distinctive to them about it (which may or may not have anything to do with what they actually LIKE about it). They will say things like “I like the genre”, “I think it’s funny”, “The car chases are exciting”, “I want to see the detective solve the puzzle.” Sometimes you can get them to talk about what they find relatable about it, if you push them a little. But often they leave it at either the level of literal identity (young black woman), basic personality traits (she’s a social butterfly and so am I) or situations they’ve personally experienced (I relate to this story of a man losing his father to cancer because I lost a close family member to cancer). But the vast, vast, vast majority of them can’t go to the deeper level of: a) Why X representation of a young black woman feels accurate/authentic/relatable and Y representation doesn’t b) Why it matters to me that X,Y,Z aspects of my personality, identity, experience get reflected in media whereas I don’t really care about seeing A,B,C aspects of my personality, identity, or experience reflected in media c) How and why they are relating to characters when they can’t see the literal connection between their identity/experience and the character’s identity/experience. (For example, many people have argued that women often relate to Dean Winchester because a lot of his struggles and past negative experiences are more stereotypical of women – being forced to raise a younger sibling on behalf of an actual parent, being seen and treated as beautiful/sexually desirable but vacuous/unintelligent, his body being treated as an instrument for a more powerful group to quite literally possess, etc. Part of the reason Supernatural has always been such a mystery/problem for the CW and Warner Bros is they could never crack the code at this level. Never.) Part of the reason they can’t crack these codes is average people CANNOT give you that kind of feedback in a survey or a focus group, or even an in-depth interview (much of the time). They just don’t have the self-awareness or the vocabulary to get it at that level. Let alone asking them to articulate why Game of Thrones is compelling to them in an era where wealth disparity is creating a ruling class that is fundamentally incompetent at maintaining a just/functional society, which is especially concerning at this particular moment, given the existential threat we face due to climate change. And the truth is, that IS part of what people – even average people – are responding to in Game of Thrones. But what they’ll tell you when you do market research on it is: they like the dragons, they like the violence, they relate to Tyrion Lannister being a smart mouth, maybe they’ll say they like the moral ambiguity of many of the conflicts (if they are more sophisticated than average). But the ‘Dean Winchester is heavily female coded despite his veneer of ultra-masculinity’ or the ‘Game of Thrones is a prescient metaphor for the current political dynamics and fissures of modern western society’ is the level you ACTUALLY need to get to. And most market research can’t get you that because the people ASKING the questions don’t know what to ask to get to this level, and most of the respondents couldn’t give you the answers even IF you were asking them the right questions (which usually you are not) And I’m not saying average people are dumb because they can’t do this. But it requires practice, it requires giving the matter a great deal of in-depth thought, and most people just don’t care enough about it to do that while taking a market research survey. (I know this is going to feel counter-intuitive to people on Tumblr. But you have to remember, you are NOT average media consumers. You are highly atypical media consumers who have far more self-awareness and a much more sophisticated engagement with media than the average person watching TV. If you didn’t, you probably wouldn’t be here talking about it in the first place) Point 4.1 – People also lie/misrepresent their own experiences to market researchers because they want to maintain certain self-narratives. You have no idea how many people would get disqualified from our surveys for saying they watched less than 5 hours of TV a week. And sure, that might actually be true for a few of them. But if you watch TV with any regularity at all (which most people in modern America do) you probably watch more than 5 hours a week. The problem is, people think it makes them sound lazy to say they watch 15-20 hours a week, even though that’s about 2-3 hours a day (which actually isn’t THAT high). People lie and misrepresent their behaviors, thoughts and feelings because it can be socially uncomfortable to admit you do what you actually do or feel how you actually feel, even in the context of an anonymous survey, let alone a focus group or a one-on-one interview. People want to make themselves look good to THEMSELVES and to the researchers asking them questions. But that makes the market research data on media (and lots of other things) very questionable. For example, one finding we saw more than once in the surveys I was involved in conducting was people would radically downplay how much the romance elements of a story mattered to them, even large portions of female respondents. When we would ask people in surveys what parts of the story they were most invested in, romances ALWAYS came out among the lowest ranked elements. And yet, any passing familiarity with fandom would tell you that finding is just WRONG. It’s wrong. People are just flat out lying about how much that matters to them because of the negative connotations we have around being invested in romance. And never mind the issue of erotic/sexual content. (I don’t mean sexual identity here, I mean sexy content). The only people who will occasionally cop to wanting the erotic fan service is young men (and even they are hesitant to do so in market research) and women frequently REFUSE to admit that stuff in market research, or they radically downplay how much it matters to them and in what ways. There is still so much stigma towards women expressing sexuality in that way. Not to mention, you have to fight tooth and nail to even include question about erotic/sexual content because oftentimes the clients don’t even want to go there at all, partly because it is awkward for everyone involved to sit around crafting market research questions to interrogate what makes people hot and bothered. That’s socially awkward for the researchers doing the research and the businesspeople who have to sit in rooms and listen to presentations about why more women find Spock sexier than Kirk. (Which was a real thing that happened with the original Star Trek, and the network couldn’t figure out why) Aside from people not have enough deeper level self-awareness to get at what they really like about media content, they also will lie or misrepresent certain things to you because they are trying to maintain certain self-narratives and are socially performing that version of themselves to researchers. *** Point 5 – Qualitative data is way more useful for understanding people’s relationships to media. However, quantitative data is way more valued and relied upon both due to larger market research industry standards and because quantitative data is just seen as harder/more factual than qualitative data. A lot of media market research involves gathering both qualitative and quantitative data and reporting jointly on both. (Sometimes you only do one or the other, depending on your objectives, but doing both is considered ‘standard’ and higher quality). However, quantitative data is heavily prioritized in reporting and when there is a conflict between what they see in qualitative versus quantitative data, the quant data is usually relied upon to be the more accurate of the two. This is understandable to an extent, because quantitative surveys usually involve responses from a couple thousand participants, whereas qualitative data involves typically a few dozen participants at most, depending on whether you did focus groups, individual interviews, or ‘diaries’/ethnography. The larger sample is considered more reliable and more reflective of ‘the audience’ as a whole. However, quantitative surveys usually have the flattest, least nuanced data, and they can only ever reflect what questions and choices people in the survey were given. In something like focus groups or individual interviews or ethnographies, you still structure what you ask people, but they can go “off script.” They can say things you never anticipated (as a researcher) and can explain themselves and their answers with more depth. In a survey, participants can only “say” what they survey lets them say based on the questions and question responses that are pre-baked for them. And as I’ve already explained, a lot of times these quantitative surveys are written by people with no expertise in media, fiction, or textual analysis, and so they often are asking very basic, not very useful questions. In sum, the data that is the most relied upon is the least informative, least nuanced data. It is also the MOST likely to reflect the responses of people who don’t actually qualify for the research but have become good at scamming the system to make extra money. With qualitative research, they are usually a little more careful screening people (poorly qualified participants still make it through, but not as often as with mass surveys, where I suspect a good 35% of participants, at least, probably do not actually qualify for the research and are just working the system).

Most commonly, when market research gets reported to business decision-makers, it highlights the quantitative data, and uses the qualitative data to simply ‘color in’ the quantitative data. Give it a face, so to speak. Qualitative data is usually supplemental to quant data and used more to make the reports ‘fun’ and ‘warm’ because graphs and charts and stats by themselves are boring to look at in a meeting. (I’m not making this up, I can’t tell you how many times I was told to make adjustments on how things were reported on because they didn’t want to bore people in the meeting). (Sub-point – it is also worth noting that you can’t report on anything that doesn’t fit easily on a power point slide and isn’t easily digestible to any random person who might pick it up and read it. The amount of times I was told to simplify points and dumb things down so it could be made ‘digestible’ for a business audience, I can’t even tell you. It was soul crushing and another reason I stopped doing this job full time. I had to make things VERY dumb for these business audiences, which often meant losing a lot of the point I was actually trying to make) Point 5.1 – Because of the way that representative sampling works, quantitative data can be very misleading, particularly in understanding audience/fandom sentiments about media. As I’m sure most of you know, sampling is typically designed to be representative of the population, broadly speaking. So, unless a media company is specifically out to understand LGBTQ consumers or Hispanic/Latinx consumers, it will typically sample using census data as a template and represent populations that way. Roughly 50/50 male/female. Roughly even numbers in different age brackets, roughly representative samplings of the racial make-up of the country, etc. (FYI, they do often include a non-binary option in the gender category these days, but it usually ends up being like 5 people out of 2000, which is not enough of a sample to get statistical significance for them as a distinct group) There is a good reason to do this, even when a show or movie has a disproportionately female audience, or young audience. Because they need enough sample in all of the “breaks” (gender, race, age, household income, etc.) to be able to make statistically sound statements about each subgroup. If you only have 35 African American people in your sample of 1000, you can’t make any statistically sound statements about that African American cohort. The sample is just too small. So, they force minimums/quotas in a lot of the samples, to ensure they can make statistically sound statements about all the subgroups they care about. They use ratings data to understand what their audience make up actually is. (Which also has major failings, but I’ll leave that alone for the minute) With market research, they are not usually looking to proportionately represent their audience, or their fandom; they are looking to have data they can break in the ways they want to break it and still have statistically significant subgroups represented. But that means that when you report on the data as a whole sample – which you often do – it can be very skewed towards groups who don’t make up as large a portion of the show’s actual audience, or even if they do, they don’t tend to be the most invested, loyal, active fans. Men get weighted equally to women, even when women make up 65% of the audience, and 80% of the active fandom. Granted, they DO break the data by gender, and race, and age, etc. and if there are major differences in how women versus men respond, or younger people versus older people, they want to know that...sometimes. But here’s where things get complex. So, if you are doing a sample of Supernatural viewers. And you do the standard (US census-based) sampling on a group of 2000 respondents (a pretty normal sample size in market research). ~1000 are going to be female. But with something they call “interlocking quotas” the female sample is going to be representative of the other groupings to a degree. So, the female sample will have roughly equal numbers of all the age brackets (13-17, 18-24, 25-34, etc.). And it will have roughly 10% non-heterosexual respondents, and so on. They do this to ensure that these breaks aren’t too conflated with each other. (For example, if your female sample is mostly younger and your male sample is mostly older, how do you know whether it is the gender or the age that is creating differences in their responses? You don’t. So, you have to make sure that all the individual breaks (gender, race, age) have a good mix of the other breaks within them, so groups aren’t getting conflated) But what that means is, Supernatural, whose core fandom is (at a conservative guess) 65% younger, queer, women, gets represented in a lot of statistical market research sampling as maybe 50-100 people, in a 2000-person survey. 50-100 people can barely move the needle on anything in a 2000-person survey. Furthermore, usually in the analysis of data like this, you don’t go beyond looking at 2 breaks simultaneously. So you may look at young female respondents as a group, or high income male respondents, or older white respondents, but you rarely do more than 2 breaks combined. And the reason for that is, by the time you get down to 3 breaks or more (young, Hispanic, women) you usually don’t have enough sample to make statistically significant claims. (It also just takes longer to do those analyses and as I explained in the beginning, they are always rushing this stuff). To do several breaks at a time you’d have to get MUCH larger samples, and that’s too expensive for them. And again, I want to stress, this type of sampling isn’t intended to sinisterly erase anyone. Kind of the opposite. It is intended to make sure most groups have enough representation in the data that you can make sound claims about them on the subgroup level. The problem is that it can create a very skewed sense of their overall audience sentiment when they take the data at ‘face value’ so to speak, and don’t weight segments based on viewership proportion, or fandom engagement, etc. Point 5.2 – Which leads me to my next point, which is that fandom activity that doesn’t have a dollar amount attached to it doesn’t make you a ‘valuable’ segment in their minds. One of the breaks they ALWAYS ask for in data like this is high income people, and people who spend a lot of MONEY on their media consumption. And they do prioritize those people’s responses and data quite a bit. And guess what – young women aren’t usually high-income earners, and although some of them are high spenders on media, high spending on media and media related merch skews toward higher income people just because they HAVE more disposable income. Older white men are usually the highest income earners (absolutely no surprise) and they are more likely in a lot of cases to report spending a lot on the media they care about. Having expendable income makes you more important in the eyes of people doing market research than if you’ve spent every day for the last 10 years blogging excessively about Supernatural. They don’t (really) care about how much you care. They care about how much money you can generate for them. And given that young audiences don’t watch TV live anymore, and they give all their (minimal) expendable income to Netflix and Hulu, you with your Supernatural blog and your 101 essays about Destiel is all but meaningless to many of them (from a business standpoint) Now, some of them kind of understand that online fandom matters to the degree that fandom spreads. Fandom creates fandom. But if the fandom you are helping to create is other young, queer women with minimal income who only watch Supernatural via Netflix, well, that’s of very limited value to them as well. I don’t want to suggest they don’t care about you at ALL. Nor do I want to suggest that the “they” we are talking about is even a cohesive “they.” Different people in the industry have different approaches to thinking about fandom, consumer engagement and strategy, market research and how it ought to be understood/used, and so on. They aren’t a monolith. BUT, they are, at the end of the day, a business trying to make money. And they are never going to place the value of your blogging ahead of the concrete income you can generate for them. (Also, highly related to my point about people lying, men are more likely to SAY they have higher incomes than they do, because it’s an ego thing for them. And women are more likely to downplay how much money they spend on ‘frivolous’ things like fandom because of the social judgement involved. Some of the money gender disparity you see in media market research is real, but some of it is being generated by the gender norms people are falsely enacting in market research– men being breadwinners, women wanting to avoid the stereotype of being frivolous with money) *** In sum/tl;dr: Point 1 – Market research in general is not well conducted because of a variety of constraints including time, money, and the historical norms of how the industry operates (e.g., there being a large subsection of almost professionalized respondents who know how to game the system for the financial incentives) Point 2 – Media is a highly atypical kind of product being studied more or less as if it were equivalent to a coffeemaker or a pair of jeans. Point 3 – Most of the people studying media consumption in the market research field have no expertise or background in media, film, narrative, storytelling, etc. They are primarily people who were trained as social scientists and statisticians, and they aren’t well equipped to research media properties and people’s deeper emotional attachment and meaning-making processes related to media properties. Point 4(etc.) – Average consumers typically don’t have enough self-awareness or the vocabulary to explain the deep, underlying reasons they like pieces of media. Furthermore, when participating in market research, people lie and misrepresent their thoughts, behaviors, and emotional responses for a variety of reasons including social awkwardness and preserving certain self-narratives like “I’m above caring about dumb, low-brow things like romance.” Point 5 (etc.) – Quantitative data is treated as way more meaningful, valuable, and ‘accurate’ than qualitative data, and this is a particular problem with media market research because of how varied and complex people’s reactions to media can be. Also, the nature of statistical sampling, and how it is done, can massively misrepresent audience sentiments toward media and fail to apprehend deeper fandom sentiments and dynamics. There is also a strong bias towards the responses of high income/high spending segments, which tend to be older and male and white. Side but important point – Research reports are written to be as entertaining and digestible as possible, which sounds nice in theory, but in practice it often means you lose much of the substance you are trying to communicate for the sake of not boring people or making them feel stupid/out of their depth. (Because god forbid you make some high-level corporate suit feel stupid) *** What can be done about this? Well, the most primary thing I would recommend is for you to participate in market research, particularly if you are American (there’s a lot of American bias in researching these properties, even when they have large international fanbases). However, some international market research is done and I recommend looking into local resources for participation, where ever you are. If you are American, there are now several market research apps you can download to your smart phone and participate in paid market research through (typically paid via PayPal). Things like dscout and Surveys On the Go. And I know there are more. You should also look into becoming panelists for focus groups, particularly if you live near a large metropolitan area (another bias in market research). Just Google it and you should be able to figure it out fairly easily. Again, it is PAID, and your perspective will carry a lot more weight when it is communicated via a focus group or a dscout project, versus when it is shouted on Twitter. However, that’s merely a Band-Aid on the bigger issue, which I consider to be the fact that businesspeople think the Humanities is garbage, even when they make their living off it. There is virtually no respect for the expertise of fictional textual analysis, or how it could help Hollywood make better content. And I don’t know what the fix is for that. I spent 4 years of my life trying to get these people to understand what the Humanities has to offer them, and I got shouted down and dismissed so many times I stopped banging my head against that wall. I gave up. They don’t listen, mostly because conceding to the value of deep-reading textual analysis as a way to make better content would threaten the whole system of how they do business. And I mean that literally. So many people’s jobs, from the market researchers to the corporate strategists to the marketing departments to the writers/creatives to the C-level executives, would have to radically shift both their thinking and their modes of business operation and the inertia of ‘that’s the way it’s always been done’ is JUST SO POWERFUL. I have no earthly idea how to stop that train, let alone shift it to an entirely different track. BTW, if you want the deeper level of analysis of why I can’t stop rewatching Moneyball now that it’s been added to Netflix, the above paragraph should give you a good hint

#market research #Hollywood #media studies

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twofrontteethstillcrooked · 3 years

Text

3 Oct. Suptober: Rainbows

With his finger, Dean traced the outline of one of the rainbows arced on Cas's knee. "Is it weird that rainbows remind me of you?"

s15 au; deancas

In hindsight, Cas was preoccupied, not only by the task at hand but by the person he was undertaking it on behalf of, which was likely why he didn't realize he had company in the bunker kitchen until Sam said, "Hey, Cas," and Cas almost fumbled the glass into the sink.

"Oof, sorry," Sam rushed to say next.

His expression was a variety of things, none of which Cas clocked as fundamentally apologetic while he refilled the glass.

Sam cleared his throat. "Whatcha doing?"

Cas squinted at him. Maybe Sam was drunk, or ill. "Just getting a drink of water." He left the statement there; Sam had seen him consume water before.

Sam fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt and did not look at Cas. "Sure. You." He made some kind of gesture with his hands that did not seem relevant to anything. "You seen Dean lately?"

"He's asleep," Cas offered, since he knew it to be correct.

"In his room?" Sam's voice cracked on the second word.

Cas drew out the word 'yes' into something of a question. What was Sam looking at on the ceiling anyway?

"His room. Which. You just left?" Sam bounced on the balls of his feet for a second.

Cas looked around for intruders, hex bags, strange fogs, spooky auras, blood stains, a bucket of empty beer cans -- something that might explain why Sam was speaking like someone who'd just learned English.

"Yes, Dean's room."

Cas suppressed a smile that wanted to surface as his thoughts quickly flitted to Dean -- Dean curled boneless beneath a body-warmed blanket, his eyelashes fanned dark against the tops of his freckled cheeks -- and back again. He sat the glass in the sink and stepped toward Sam carefully.

"Uh huh. Okay." Sam took a step backwards. His line of sight popped back up to the light fixture. "Wearing. ...What it is you're wearing?

Cas glanced down past his bare chest to the flannel covering his legs. "Pajamas?"

Sam nodded a series of tight little nods, like an invisible puppeteer controlling him was getting restless. "Okay. Okay. And Dean is." He didn't trail off as much as seem to run out of ideas for the rest of the sentence.

"Asleep," Cas reminded him.

Another Sam nod. "Right."

"He tends to fall asleep for a while within thirty or so minutes after we--"

"Dude," Sam said.

Understanding clicked into place. "Ah. I apologize, Sam," Cas said, with a small sinking sensation in his stomach. "I did assume Dean had told you."

He was leaving out some words, and he didn't mean to play coy; it just seemed like perhaps Sam would prefer fewer details over more with regards to -- how to say diplomatically? -- recent developments.

"Dean tell me? Really?" Sam stared at him directly for the first time the whole encounter. His pupils were big black dots reminiscent of the ones he'd had when they were all cartoons for a while.

"No." Cas paused. "But I did think maybe you just knew."

An honest confession, since Sam, a skilled hunter with decades of experience beneath his proverbial belt, was often quite good at discerning patterns beneath the surface of verbal communication. Cas had not always been as certain of his own feelings as he was in the present. Indeed, it had taken years for what he felt for Dean -- unfamiliar, prismatic impulses occasionally strong enough to almost bring Cas to his knees -- to coagulate into something fierce and unshakeable that could in part be described in words, much less translatable to more tangible actions. Just because Cas had been slow to realize the depths of his own emotions didn't mean Sam had been.

Except.

Sam's eyebrows jumped into his hairline like worms fleeing chicken beaks.

"What," he choked out. "Why. No. How would I have known about--" He was flinging his hands around again. "--This?" The hands flew toward Cas like Sam was casting a spell at him. "You are like my brother."

"Um," Cas said.

"And Dean is my brother."

"Uh--"

"And I have literally heard him refer to you as our brother."

"Right.”

"Like, we're all brothers here." Sam gave a helpless chuff of laughter.

"Okay."

"So you understand," Sam continued, "why I might be concerned that my two brothers are apparently sleeping together." The volume of his voice went lower in direct counter to its pitch by the end of the sentence.

Cas chose not to comment on this, nor on the shadow that lurked in the doorway and then dissipated. He said instead, "I don't really sleep all that much, but I take your point."

Sam buried his face in the palms of his hands.

"I'm." Cas swallowed. He stood a bit taller, the way a soldier might when either respectfully yielding to an enemy or accepting that opponent's surrender -- not that Sam was a villain here. "I'm sorry you found out this way, Sam."

"It's." Sam took a deep breath, then coughed once. "You don't have to apologize."

"Sam, could you... There is nothing on the ceiling that could be that interesting."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Sam spoke like he meant it, or at least wanted to mean it.

Cas let out an inward sigh of relief. "All right."

"The stress," Sam said. "What we do. Monsters. Apocalypses, plural. It's-- I know it's a lot." Now he had slipped into hunter wrangler mode, all rallying the troops and leftover law school pragmatism. "And I can see how the two of you might, you know, need to blow off some steam. Sometimes."

"Sam--"

"Dean always does get a little antsy when he goes a while without." Sam shook his head like he'd realized this was absolutely not a topic he wanted to think about. "You know."

"Sam," Cas said sharply.

"I'll stop talking now."

"I'm in love with your brother, Sam." Those truest words were spoken so easily that once upon a time it might have bothered Cas; in the present, it assuredly did not. He let Sam gape for a moment and then softened the statement with, "It's not just a casual, friends with insurance sort of thing for me. For the record. If that helps."

Sam looked like the human equivalent of the little tri-colored beachball that would spin and spin onscreen when one of his computer tablets got overwhelmed. Finally, his eyes cleared. "All right." His mouth quirked. "The phrase is 'friends with benefits.'"

Cas blinked. "Insurance is often a benefit extended to citizens in the United States, isn't it?"

"Less often than's helpful," Sam said.

Cas nodded. The two of them stood there by the sink, not really looking at each other. A thought came to Cas.

"I love you too--"

"Dude," Sam said.

Cas held up a hand. "--But I'm not in love with you." This distinction was one that had taken him a long time to understand; it seemed worth sharing.

The ceiling had recaptured Sam's fascination, but he was smiling when he said, "I know." He clapped Cas on the shoulder. "I love you too."

Cas returned the smile. "You, and Dean, and Jack -- you are all my family."

"Yeah." Sam ducked his head, as if pleased. "Yeah, I know."

Cas picked the glass of water up out of the sink. He raised it to Sam in a small toast. "Okay. I'm going to go back to Dean's room now."

"'Night, Cas."

Cas padded back down the hallway, opened Dean's squeaky door, and crept inside the room. The bedside lamp had been turned on. He watched the blanketed lump in the middle of the mattress for movement before asking quietly, "How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it." Dean sat up and yawned. He scratched at the side of his head where his hair was sticking out. The blanket puddled below his pelvis. Cas glanced away like he hadn't personally and enthusiastically pressed those hipbones into the mattress less than an hour before.

When Cas walked around and put a knee on the bed, Dean said, "I also wanted water."

Cas bumped his arm with the glass. "This is for you."

"Oh," Dean said, taking it from him. "Thanks."

"Because I don't drink all that much water."

"Right."

"Because I don't sweat as much as you do."

"Hmm. You sweat some," Dean said, a hint of slyness in his tone. He leaned away to leave the water glass on the bedside table.

Cas sat on the edge of the mattress and let Dean scoot up to him. "Are you bragging about making me sweat?"

"Mmm," Dean said, splaying his hand over Cas's clavicle.

"You should probably talk to Sam in the morning."

"This is the morning."

"Later, then."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist like he owned the span of it. "Yeah, that's not going to happen."

"Maybe you could just--

"Nooo."

A sharpness tapped underneath Cas's ribcage, an angel blade's point pressed with deliberate aim. It took a minute before he could speak. He gathered his courage. "If you want to stop--"

"No." The word fell from Dean like Cas had knocked it out with his fist. His eyes were fever bright and anguished, and another, better ache flooded Cas's chest at the sight. "No."

"I am very much in love with you." Cas took a breath. "Sam's reaction, I know, wasn't entirely out of nowhere."

Dean tipped his forehead to Cas's. "I don't think he was objecting so much as he was surprised--"

"I'm only saying, I have thought of you both as my brothers, at various times in the past." Cas studied, not for the first time, a collection of freckles on Dean's shoulder. "I still think of Sam as a brother, in a way. He may not be incorrect that the situation, as it has evolved, is something a bit… Atypical." He considered a further implication. "And each of us is one of Jack's dads."

Dean huffed, a bluff since his fingertips were memorizing Cas's vertebrae like he planned to sketch them later. "Well. We can't all be the goddamn Waltons, or whoever."

Cas agreed, "We definitely do not live on a farm." He let himself sway toward the ardent way Dean was looking at him. "It might be nice to live on a farm, with cows and ducks, maybe some sheep--"

"And I am very much in love with you too," Dean said softly. He pressed his lips to Cas's cheek.

"Yeah?" Cas's eyes felt hot.

"Yep."

Cas thought to say, "You know, Sam is exactly who you raised him to be: a good man."

At that, Dean squeezed his eyes shut. "New rule," he said hoarsely after several seconds. He wiped his eyes and shook his head. "We cannot talk about Sam, like. When we're not even dressed."

Cas stretched out his right leg and wiggled his foot. "I have on these pajamas pants. Can no-one else see them? They're covered in so many things."

This was an understatement. Technically, the pattern contained no less than the following items: rainbows, unicorns, blue whales, yellow stars, shield-wielding pugs, and anti-whale flags, whatever and why-ever those were. Put simply, the pajama pattern was like an indecipherable code of images that seemed to illustrate the illicit drug use of the manufacturer's designer.

With his finger, Dean traced the outline of one of the rainbows arced on Cas's knee. "Is it weird that rainbows remind me of you?"

Cas thumbed a spot on Dean's throat, his mouth going dry with the desire to taste the pulse fluttering there. "In my celestial wavelength form, I suppose I would be more closely related to a visually-deducible electromagnetic wave than I would be a pug riding a whale into glorious battle."

"These pajamas are a work of art," Dean contended, kissing Cas's temple. "Hmm."

"What?"

"I guess that story about God -- Chuck -- using a rainbow to seal a promise about never again destroying earth with a flood is just apocrypha, huh?"

Cas thought about it. "Yes. Unfortunately." He tried not to sigh. "Sometimes I have to remind myself Chuck created some beautiful wonders despite...being who he is."

"Yeah. Going out after a hard rain and seeing a rainbow's colors arching through the clouds -- still seems hopeful." Dean started pulling Cas down beside him on the mattress. "Maybe that's what reminds me of you."

Unable to speak, Cas tucked his face into Dean's throat.

Dean's fingers were slipping beneath the waistband of the pajamas, ever so slowly. "Anyway, these are mine." Cas hummed an affirmative. "I would like them back," Dean said.

"Now?" Cas heard himself gasp.

Dean pressed him onto his back to nose his way down the line of Cas's breastbone, his warm breath teasing over cooled skin and coaxing out a shiver Cas felt splintering through his whole body.

"I would settle for you just not having them on at the moment," Dean said, using both hands to reclaim his property, and before raising up to kiss anything Cas might have wanted to say in response entirely out of his mouth.

#spn #suptober21 #fic #deancas #suptober #destiel

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