#got a violent fems album

[exploratorysurgery]

vinyl shopping

[celiastjamesoscar]

Sweat and Serendipity

Pairings: Sam Carpenter x fem!reader

Summary: While working out at your local gym, you run into someone you haven’t seen before.

Warnings: R and Sam both being horn dogs

Word Count: 4.9K

AN: this was from a request a couple days ago and I hope you enjoy it! It’s a little bit shorter than my other work but I didn’t want to stray too far from the request

The upbeat melody of ‘Funky Town’ rang throughout the pitch-black room, causing Y/N to stir in her sleep. The woman groaned as she rolled over and fumbled around the end table by her bed before finally grabbing her phone. She shut off her alarm and then checked the time, 4:30 am. She let out another groan as she forced herself up in bed.

She stared blankly at the wall with a zombie-like expression on her face. She needed to go to the gym this morning, fearing she might break her cycle of going at the ass-crack of dawn. And she also knew that if she didn’t go just this one time, she would never go back again this early.

After a few minutes of blank staring, she swung her legs over to the side and pushed herself off the bed. Her bare feet met with the cold wooden floor, sending shivers up her spine. She stumbled into her bathroom and flicked on the lights, instantly shutting her eyes as she covered them while mumbling a curse word.

Once her eyes had adjusted to the blinding lights, she moved her hands and slowly opened her eyes. She looked just as she felt: a soldier who was returning half her weight, or much like a zombie who had been stuck in a mall listening to ‘Dance Monkey’ on repeat since the start of the apocalypse.

When she saw the bags under her eyes, the memories from last night flooded her mind.

She was staying at her friend Anika’s house, and they were celebrating the release of Speak Now (Taylor’s Version). The worst part about the night was that she was so wasted she couldn’t remember any songs from the album. Hell, she doesn’t even know how she got home. The few things she could recall were faint memories of Anika violently sobbing during ‘Last Kiss,’ and she also vaguely remembered herself talking about Rhea Ripley and wanting to get pinned by her.

Shaking off the bad memories, Y/N put in her contacts and brushed her teeth. When she finished up in the bathroom, she turned off the lights and went back into her room. She opened up a dresser drawer and grabbed a pair of socks and a sports bra, along with some shorts. She sat on her bed and put her socks on, then stood up and quickly changed into her shorts. She took off her shirt and put on her bra, and then put the shirt back on. She raised her left and smelled herself, “smells fine,” she mumbled as she packed her gym bag; it was just a spare change of clothes and some shampoo and condition. She hated showering at the gym, but she also hated driving home sweaty. She swung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed her phone and earbuds, and walked toward her bedroom door. She did one final sweep to make sure she didn’t forget anything before she left the room and shut her door.

Y/N made her way into the kitchen and grabbed her jug of water that she left on the island. She filled it with some ice and then filled it up with water. Once it was full, Y/N put the lid back on and grabbed a protein shake from the fridge. She made her way to the door with her water jug and her ‘breakfast’ drink in hand as she held her car keys and went out the door. Y/N locked the door and walked down the stairs into the lobby, and left the apartment building. She walked across the street to the parking garage, found her car, got in, and started it.

Y/N sat in her car for a few minutes, debating if she really wanted to go to the gym today, and decided that if she did go today, that would mean she could eat more cake at her cousin’s birthday party that was later today. Y/N smiled to herself at that thought, backing her car up and driving towards the gym, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel with excitement. She opened her protein shake and drank it throughout the drive as The Killers filled the silence. The sky was still dark with dusk hours, but Y/N appreciated the beauty of the early morning. The Big Apple was always hectic, but the morning hours always seemed peaceful.

As she pulled into the gym’s parking lot, she noticed a single car, and it immediately caught her attention. At most, there were three people at the gym this early; herself, a shy dude in his early twenties but shredded, and a decently attractive soccer mom. But this car didn’t belong to either of them, so that meant someone new was here, and it sparked her interest.

Frattini’s was a small gym and not a popular one at all, so the people that worked out there were either locals or people who hated crowded gyms. Y/N was the latter; she hated working out with many people around, and she also had a personal vendetta against Planet Fitness, but not that that mattered. The gym was an old one and had been around long before Y/N was born, but she loved it nonetheless. The building was old, and the metal roof sometimes leaked when it rained. The machines were old, and the padding was worn down on almost all of them, and sometimes the treadmills didn’t work, but Y/N would rather die a death by a thousand cuts than ever step inside a Planet Fitness or any other gym for that matter. This place was like Y/N’s second wife, falling short of Cate Blanchett, and she would never leave her for a younger, more modern gym, no way.

She finished off her shake, grabbed her bag along with her phone, water jug, and earbuds, stepped out of her car, and walked towards the doors. She used her green key fob to unlock the door and walked inside. She could hear the faint sound of Guns N Roses playing over the speakers as she walked up to the front desk and scanned her key fob again. Y/N didn’t know why she had to scan it-she believed it was a way of checking in-but she was a rule follower and did what she was supposed to.

After she checked in, Y/N walked past the desk and opened up the door to the actual gym. She didn’t see who was there with her, but she knew she would find them eventually. She walked about ten feet from the door and stopped before the red cubby holes. Y/N lightly laughed as she saw a light pink gym bag in a cubby towards the middle. She was slightly glad that the stranger didn’t take the one on the end of the right side, as that one was hers, and she hated it when someone would place their stuff in it. Well, it wasn’t technically hers, but everyone who came here throughout the day had their own personal cubby, so she naturally got defensive over it.

When Y/N walked past the door, to the left, there was a wall that was lined with treadmills, and that wall cut back into a smaller section of the gym that’s used for, well, Y/N didn’t quite know what that side was for, she just knew that the flooring was turf and it slightly agitated her. On the same wall that had the cubbies, it was lined up with three stair masters that Y/N hated, along with a pull-up machine, two different hip abduction machines, and some weird core machine you twisted on that scared Y/N. The second row included more machines; a couple of ellipticals, two bikes, a lat pulldown, one chest press, one tricep extension, and a bicep curl. There was a third row, but Y/N didn’t mess with that stuff too much except for the linear leg press. On the right wall was a full-length mirror that took up the entire width of the wall, with a rack of dumbbells toward the left side of the wall and leg machines with a squat rack towards the right. On the wall across the cubbies was the deadlift bar with another full-length mirror in front of it. And if Y/N walked to the left of the deadlift set, she would enter that turf area she hated.

Y/N placed her bag in her cubby and put her earbuds in as she walked over to the linear leg press with her water jug. She put the right amount of weighted plates on it and moved to lie down on the backrest. Y/N pushed the bars out that kept it locked, and when she brought it down and went to push up, her left eye caught something. She turned her head to see what had caught her eye, and her knees buckled, causing the leg press to come down quickly. Luckily, her legs didn’t go inward, and they just slammed into her chest, causing her to lose her breath.

Over on the turf was a captivating Latina doing pull-ups. She wore leggings with just a bra, and Y/N had to wipe the drool off her chin as her eyes ogled the woman’s back muscles. However, when her legs buckled, and the press came down on her, it caused a loud bang to echo throughout the vaguely empty gym, which caused the woman to drop down from the bar and face Y/N.

Y/N sent the woman an awkward smile followed by an awkward wave, and she mentally cursed herself for it. But she changed her mind when the woman let out a small laugh and wiggled her fingers at Y/N, giving her a playful wave before returning to her pull-ups.

When the woman turned around, a giant grin overtook Y/N’s face while she did a fist pump, clearly amazed at herself. Y/N then decided to continue her workout and began doing proper leg presses.

After she finished her first set, she started listening to music while subtly moving her eyes over to the turf side. She probably would have checked the woman out by now, but the turf also had mirrors on its wall that you could see the rest of the gym out of. So if Y/N had checked the woman out, the Latina would have seen Y/N nearly kill herself because she had tried to. The alluring woman had moved to cable rows, and Y/N had to pry her eyes away from the woman’s biceps, which were glistening with sweat.

‘I just wanna lick-ouch!’ Y/N thought as she continued her creepy staring but was cut off when her legs gave out again, causing the woman to look over at Y/N. This time, Y/N didn’t meet her gaze as she pushed up on the press and locked it. She got up from the seat and re-racked her weights. She refused to do leg stuff simply because she needed her leg strength to mow down children at her cousin’s birthday and not because the woman of her dreams kept making them weak.

Y/N grabbed her jug and phone and moved to the lat pull-down. She decided she would do her pull again, and also because she wanted her back to look good in case the beautiful woman decided to leave scratches on it.

Ten minutes had passed, and Y/N finally finished her set. She had started to work up a sweat and wiped it off with her shirt. Unbeknownst to her, the woman from earlier had caught the action and stared at Y/N’s abs. Sam felt she had looked at the stranger’s abs, but she couldn’t help. She thought the woman was a little awkward just based on their interaction from earlier, and against her better judgment, Sam wanted to know her better. She waited until Y/N moved to the chest press before walking toward her.

Y/N had been so focused on not embarrassing herself anymore that she didn’t see the woman approach her until she was standing in front of her. She took one earbud out to listen to the woman. “Are you done with this?” Aphrodite asked while gesturing to the lat pull-down machine. “Oh, yeah. Go ahead,” Y/N said while looking at the woman, “hey, I am sorry about earlier.”

Sam looked at Y/N with a raised eyebrow before she released what the woman was apologizing about. “Don’t worry about it; I’m just glad you aren’t hurt too bad,” Sam says in a gentle tone as she sits down on the seat of the machine. Y/N nods her head at Sam’s words and continues with her workout.

Twenty minutes had passed since their short conversion, and Y/N was done for the day. She was getting ready to leave when Sam asked her for help. “Would you mind spotting me?” Sam asked quietly, almost as if she was afraid to ask for help.

Y/N took a drink from her jug before nodding, “Of course.” She followed Sam to the bench press and stood at the head of the seat. She watched Sam add her plates to the bar and made a look of shock as she realized that Sam might be stronger than her, and she had to ignore the fire she felt in her core.

Sam lay on the bench and gripped the bar before slightly pushing it off the rack and bringing it down to her chest. Y/N’s heart skipped a beat as she watched Sam push up on the bar like it was easy work, and she continued to do 12 reps. Y/N helped Sam re-rack the bar as she took a break and sat up. “I never got your name,” Sam stated breathlessly, but she couldn't tell if it was from the bench press or the attractive woman in front of her.

“Oh, I’m Y/N. It's nice to officially meet you,” Y/N says with a smile as she extends her hand toward Sam. Sam accepts Y/N’s hand and slides her own into the woman’s. Y/N nearly melted onto the floor at the feeling of Sam’s rough hand against hers and had to hold back her rated-R thoughts when Sam gave her hand a gentle yet firm shake.

On the other hand, Sam felt something she had never felt before when her skin had made contact with Y/N. She felt that spark you only hear about in movies or books, the type of spark you feel when you find the one, and it shocked her. Instead of being an asshole like she wanted, Sam gave Y/N’s hand a firm shake, not meaning to be gentle about it. “I’m Sam, and it's nice to meet you as well,” Sam replied with a smile as she dropped Y/N’s hand. She then moved to lie down on the bench again and finish out her sets.

After her third and final set, Y/N helped her re-rack the bar again and the weights. When Y/N looked at Sam, she finally noticed that she was a couple of inches shorter than her, and for some reason, it boosted Y/N’s confidence. But that confidence quickly died when Y/N saw a small bead of sweat trail down Sam’s abdomen. Her face became red, and her tongue dry as her mind was filled with raunchy thoughts again. So she pretended she wasn’t in the middle of a gay panic and drank some water, trying to calm herself down while keeping her tongue wet for talking purposes and no other reason.

The two walked together toward the cubbies and grabbed their things. Sam pretended to look for something when Y/N asked, “How come I’ve never seen you here before?”

Sam chuckled at the question and looked over her right shoulder, “I moved here a few months ago, and I decided I needed a good gym to work out at. I tried a few different ones, but none of them stuck,” Sam said with a shrug of her shoulders.

“So why give Frattini’s a try?” Y/N asked with a playful smile before adding, “Not that I’m complaining, though.”

Sam rolled her eyes at the comment but returned the playful smile, “I prefer quality over quantity; I’m not a fan of chain gyms, and I like supporting the smaller ones.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll find too much quality here, but it's a small gym, and everyone is nice here. And I also prefer smaller gyms,” Y/N said as she slung her bag over her shoulder. Sam copied the woman’s actions with her own bag and started walking toward the door with the woman. Y/N opened the door and held it for Sam, and Sam did the same thing with the front door.

The two walked out to their separate cars as the early morning sun barely peeked above the horizon. “I hope to see you around sometime, Sam,” Y/N said with a smile and hopeful eyes. She didn't know why, but she wanted to see Sam again soon.

“You will. And thank you for helping me, Y/N,” Sam replied as she opened her car door as well.

“Anytime,” Y/N said as she gave Sam one final smile before getting into her car and shutting the door. Sam smiled as she watched Y/N drive off before getting into her car, looking forward to seeing Y/N again soon.

Y/N shifted uncomfortably as she drove home; she regretted not showering, but again, she was glad she got to walk out with Sam. Her mind drifted off with thoughts of Sam, and she wondered when she would see the beautiful woman. She regretted not asking her for her number, but she felt that it might have been too forward.

When the next morning arrived, instead of moping around in bed, Y/N sprang out of bed with excitement. She quickly brushed her teeth and put in her contacts while she eagerly got dressed. She grabbed her phone, earbuds, and water jug before entering the kitchen. Y/N refilled her jug and put the lid back on as she moved toward the door. She grabbed her keys, locked the door, and basically skipped out to her car. She turned on her car and pulled out of the garage as excitement overtook her body.

Y/N knew it was crazy to be this excited at 4:45 in the morning, but she couldn’t help it. Her mind had been plagued with thoughts of Sam so much that during her cousin’s birthday party, she forgot to get a piece of cake she had worked so hard for.

As Y/N pulled up to the gym, she almost screamed with happiness; it would be just her and Sam again today. She parked her car, turned it off, and flew out of the car with all her things. She scanned her key fob twice and acted calm and collected as she placed her things in her cubby. Y/N never liked working on Saturdays, but she would force herself to like it if she got Sam all to herself. She walked over to the leg press and hoped she could get leg day in, but just as she laid down, Sam walked out of the bathroom and stopped right in front of Y/N. “Hey, sailor,” Sam said with a flirty tone, and Y/N almost did a repeat of yesterday morning, but she caught herself and started her workout.

“Missed me already?” Y/N questioned as she pushed up with her legs, trying her best to focus on building her leg strength and not the gorgeous woman currently towering over her. Sam wore the same outfit from yesterday but in a different color, and Y/N had to fight back a bark.

Sam scoffed at Y/N’s words, “Of course not; I just happened to see you struggling, and I decided to offer you my support.”

Y/N finished up her set and locked the machine before sitting up slightly. “You wound me, Sam,” Y/N said with a hurt expression that quickly turned into a playful one.

“Well, if I wound you so much, I guess you wouldn’t want to work out with me then,” Sam suggested with a sigh before she pretended to walk off.

When Y/N saw Sam turn away from her and begin to walk off, she quickly stood up. “I’d like to work out with you,” Y/N spewed out quickly, causing Sam to turn around and raise her eyes rows, “only if you want me to, though.”

Sam laughed at the woman’s nervousness as she walked toward the girl and gently slapped her arm, “come on, let’s do some legs.” Y/N smiled at Sam’s words and followed the Latina to the squat rack, her heartbeat picking up for an unknown reason.

Y/N helplessly watched as Sam added her weights to the bar and ducked under it, and stood up, resting it on her shoulders as she gripped the bar. “Spot me?” She asked, snapping Y/N out of her thoughts. She nodded her head as her hands ghosted over Sam’s hips. She knew this wasn’t the proper way to spot someone, but she saw an opportunity and took it.

Sam’s body heated up when she felt Y/N’s hands close to her hips. She knew that this wasn’t the correct way to have a spotter, but she enjoyed having Y/N’s hands on her hips and didn’t want to lose contact.

When Sam would squat down with the bar, Y/N slightly copied the woman’s movements, ensuring everything was appropriately aligned. Sam suddenly felt nervous when Y/N copied her moves, and when she stood back up, her eyes locked with Y/N’s in the mirror.

Y/N gave Sam a polite smile with her hands still resting on the woman’s hips. “Hi,” Y/N breathlessly said.

“Hi,” San replied with a faint smile. She couldn’t tell if her heartbeat was going a mile a minute because of the squats or if she was simply flustered due to the attractive woman standing behind her. She refused to believe it was the latter.

Sam continued the rest of her set, and when she was done, she and Y/N would trade places. Sam tried her best to make sure that Y/N’s legs didn’t dip inward, but she was too distracted. Every time Y/N would stand up, she would let out a small groan, and Sam hated the way it made her feel.

When the two finished with squats, they started on the leg press. Sam watched with hooded eyes as Y/N’s quads flexed every time the woman straightened her legs. By the time Y/N had finished all three of her sets, Sam had got speechless.

“Sam? You okay?” Y/N asked as she got up from the seat and stood before Sam, gently placing her hands on Sam’s forearms. The contact pulled Sam out of whatever trenches they were, and she shook her head, “No, yeah, I’m good. Sorry about that; I was just distracted.”

Y/N nodded at Sam’s words, gave the woman’s forearms a soft squeeze, and dropped her hands down to her sides. “Alright then, what next?” Y/N asked with a gentle smile.

Almost an hour later, the two women had completed their workout, and Sam somehow managed to avoid going into cardiac arrest. Y/N was glad she got to spend more time with the pretty woman. “So, do you work out on Sundays?” Y/N asked when they got to their cubbies. She was messing around with her bag and refused to look at Sam.

“No, that’s my only day off. Why do you ask?” Sam questioned as her heart thumped steadily against her ribcage; she hoped that Y/N would ask her out, either in a platonic or friendly way. She didn’t care which one it was; just as long as she was with Y/N, she was ecstatic.

Y/N stopped messing with her hand and turned to face Sam. Any previous nerves were gone, nowhere to be seen. The woman's confident smile lit up the gym, and her eyes danced across Sam’s body. On the other hand, Sam seemed to absorb Y/N’s nervousness; her face began to heat up, her palms started to sweat, and for the life of her, she could not look the taller woman directly in the eye.

“I was hoping you would want to do something with me tomorrow? You know, outside of the gym,” Y/N asked as she put her bag over her shoulder, getting ready to head to the showers.

“Why does it have to be tomorrow and not today?” Sam asked when she finally made eye contact with Y/N. She noticed how the woman’s cheeks pulled with her smile, indicating that her confidence was a facade to hide her nerves.

Y/N perked up when she heard Sam’s request, and she instantly beamed. “Oh, I didn’t know if you had plans for today. But if you don’t, I would love to go do something with you later,” Y/N said as she shuffled from one foot to another but maintained a smile.

“I don’t have anything else to do today, so I’m free whenever,” Sam responded while matching Y/N’s smile. She had just met the other girl yesterday, but she couldn’t help the gravitational pull she felt towards the taller woman.

Y/N nodded her head at Sam’s words and slightly pulled on the strap that was across her chest, “Sweet! I mean, okay. We can get breakfast or something once I finish my shower.”

A small laughter rang throughout the gym when Y/N mentioned her shower. “You’re seriously taking a shower here?” Sam asked with a small laugh.

“Of course, I can’t smell bad for our date,” Y/N replied but froze as she called it a date. She hadn’t meant to call it one, but she couldn’t help but yearn for a date with the beautiful woman before her. Y/N noticed how Sam caught her slip up and the way she froze, so she decided to direct the attention away from her. “Unless you would want to join me?” She asked with a smirk that surprised Sam.

The remark flew through Sam’s ear and out the other as embarrassment overtook her. She was never flustered easily, but there was something about Y/N that caused her entire body to act out of line. “You aren’t that slick, Y/N. I’ll just wait for you out here,” Sam said with a smile as she tried her best to hide her evident excitement. She would storm into heaven and hell if it meant she could see Y/N naked in her bed, but she kept those thoughts to herself. The last thing Y/N needed to know was that Sam had been thinking about fornicating with her since they started working out together.

“Are you sure? This is a once-in-a-lifetime offer, and it expires in ten seconds,” Y/N said as she walked backward to the showers, and both women ignored how she almost tripped.

“I’m sure, Y/N, you won’t win me over that easily. Just hurry up,” Sam replied with a small smile as she grabbed her things. She watched as Y/N asked again if she wanted to join her before the taller woman disappeared into the shower room.

Y/N practically ran into the closest shower and stripped in record time. She did a quick rinse with soap and water; Sam told her to be quick about it, and she listened. She finished up her shower and threw on her clothes, and calmly walked out of the shower room with a smile, but her grin dropped as she saw that Sam was nowhere to be seen.

She walked to the cubbies and saw that Sam’s bag was gone, but she found a small note in her own cubby.

‘My sister cut herself with a knife trying to cut an apple, and I have to take her to the hospital. I’m still looking forward to our breakfast later today. Call me!

Sam ;)

XXX-XXX-XXXX’

Y/N smiled at the note as she pushed the door to the lobby open with her back. She pulled out her phone and sent Sam a quick text message asking if her sister was alright, to which she got an immediate reply of a picture of Sam and her little sister sitting in her car together. The sister had her right hand wrapped in a bloody bandage resting in her lap while her left hand was flipping the camera off. She had no smile as opposed to her older sister, who had a giant one on her face and gave the camera a slight thumbs up.

She was going to ask if she needed to reschedule their date, but Y/N erased the message when Sam sent, ‘I’ll drop the child off at the ER, and we can eat shitty hospital food while she gets stitches, my treat!’ Y/N smiled at the message and returned a picture of herself with a thumbs up, eager to see Sam again, even if it was in an awful hospital cafeteria.

[herlv3r]

tip toe

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.

୨୧ synopsis: as le sserafim’s comeback had just released, your girlfriend is extremely busy with promotions and is under strict supervision. her managers have clearly warned you to stay away for the time being, but is that really going to stop you?

୨୧ pairing: gf!chaewon x fem!reader

୨୧ genre: fluff

୨୧ a/n: stream fimmies new mini album or else i WILL hunt you down

you grip on your fimbong as anticipation builds up in you like you’re about to explode. sitting in front of your tv, the screen counts down from its final minute. as the countdown nears its end, you can’t help but to stand up, adrenaline filling your veins.

even though your girlfriend already spoiled you their new song, you can’t help the excitement as if you’re hearing it for the first time all over again.

memories begin rushing in from when she first auditioned for woollim entertainment, then her time with izone, and finally le sserafim. you were there with her every step of the way. to say how proud you are is really an understatement.

your eyes gleam seeing chaewon’s outstanding visuals. and hearing her sing through the screen blesses your ears. how’d you get so lucky with her?

your phone rings violently as a call from chaewon comes through. answering it, a soft voice warms your ears.

“babe did you watch?!?” excitement is evident in her tone. you giggle at her question when it’s obvious you did. “of course i did! i wouldn’t miss even a second of it.”

you hear her small laugh amidst the busy background. “okay i gotta prepare for the showcase. i love you and i miss you.” your stomach fills with butterflies hearing those words escape her mouth. “good luck! i’ll be cheering for you.”

every comeback is always filled with busy schedules and strict rules. you can’t even remember the last time you’ve held her in your arms. you know dating a kpop idol comes with an unspoken requirement of being patient but you long for her.

the last time you attempted to see her during promotions got you banned from stepping in their dorms. as much as you want to see her, you have to do what’s best for your girlfriend.

hours past since the showcase and you haven’t heard anything from chaewon ever since. slumping in your seat, your brows drew together thinking heavily on what she could be doing at the moment.

suddenly a text notification causes your phone to vibrate. “i want to see you. pick me up at my dorm?” that burst of adrenaline comes rushing back to you, as you read word by word. excitedly getting up and gathering everything you need, you rush out the door without looking back.

who cares if you get banned again, it's worth the risk. after all, it's her personal request. how can you pass on something like that?

pulling up to her dorm, you hurriedly park and skipped your way to her room. once reaching her floor, you make eye contact with chaewon, her eyes widen in shock. the dumb smile on your face is quickly replaced with a terrified expression after realizing she's talking to her manager.

making the fastest u-turn in your life, you rush back down the stairs nearly tripping in the process. panting for air, you arrive back at the lobby searching for a place to hide.

several minutes past and you've finally calmed down. that was a close call you thought. as you slowly peek over your hiding place, a hard slap stings your head. looking back to see who it was, you're met with chewon glaring down at you. without saying a word, the expression on her face clearly says, "you're such a dumbass."

swiftly standing up, you engulf her in your arms as you squeeze the air out of her. "chaechae i missed you!!" in response, she pinches your waist causing you to squeal and back away.

attempting to rub the pain away, you look at her in confusion. why is she so violent today? has she finally lost it?

"god that was a close call. if my manager saw you first then our whole sneaking out plan is over." you swear you can see steam escaping from the top of her head as she complains.

tilting your head down, a sly smile forms on your lips. "but he didn't see me, so it's all good." she scoffs at you, rolling her eyes and taking your hand in hers. "come on let's go before we get caught." she drags you behind her as she sneakily makes her way back to your car.

you've been aimlessly driving for the past couple of minutes, unsure if chaewon even notices. you weren't expecting a spontaneous hang out today, so you were severely unprepared.

you're terrible at hiding things from her especially with the occasional side eyes you've been giving. she eventually catches on to you.

"how about a convenience store run, just like old times?" pursing your lips you glance at her as if you already had that thought. "pfft, yeah i was already heading there."

"but you just missed the turn..." staring at you, she furrows her eyebrows. "babe i can't see, it's dark out here." out of habit she smacks your arm causing you to swerve a little bit. too busy laughing uncontrollably to even notice.

arriving at the parking lot, you instruct chaewon to stay in the car hoping to avoid any unwanted attention.

walking in the store, you can't help but feel a little guilty. it's such a big day for chaewon but the only thing you can give her is cheap food. still, it's no excuse to not try to make the best out of the night.

making your way down several isles you surprisingly bump into chaewon already picking out items. stopping in your tracks, you cross your arms and tap your feet in disbelief. you cough deliberately, attempting to gain her attention.

"pfft, what?" she doesn't even bother looking at you. "what do you mean, 'what'?" slowly approaching her, you snatch the kimbap she was holding. quickly turning her head, she raises a brow.

"babe you're such a hypocrite. you got mad at me earlier for almost getting caught but look at you now." she snatches the kimbap back from your grasp. "it's okay, i'm covered up good."

finally acknowledging your disappointed look, she squeezes your cheeks. "baby i'm sorry. i'll be careful." giving in to her soft touch, you let it slide. how can you possibly get mad at her?

luckily you were able to leave without anyone recognizing your girlfriend. you wouldn't know what to do if someone did.

getting in the drivers seat, you're hit with realization of not knowing where to go next. resting your head on the steering wheel, you release an exasperated sigh as you struggle to think of a destination.

"make a right turn and take the next exit."

shooting your head up, you stare at the gps. confused as to why it spoke. your gaze shifts back and forth between chaewon and the route displayed on the car's screen, wondering if she had anything to do with it.

chaewon smiles as she comfortably sinks in her seat, "just drive baby." you study her expression, suspicious of her little scheme. "mhm... should i trust you?" the blank expression sitting on her face hints at you to just go without question. you nod in defeat and turned on the engine.

for what seemed like 30 minutes, you're starting to doubt your gps when it leads you to an isolated road. the only source of light that's surrounding you is the brightness of your headlights. it's like you're in a horror movie where you encounter an eerie girl standing on the side of the road.

an uneasy feeling in your stomach begins to stir just by thinking about it. you quickly glace at chaewon whose face is as pale as snow. "you good? you don't usually look as white." she grips on to her thighs and swallows hard. "why wouldn't i be? hehe..."

you knew what she felt at the moment. she's scared shitless. your heart starts to beat . "hey you can't be scared?! because i'm scared... we can't both be scared!"

her grasp transfers from her thigh to your shirt. "girl, just drive!" you immediately step on the gas without a second thought.

"you have arrived. your destination should be on the left." pulling up to a secluded area, a single bench facing a cliff sits under a soft lit lamp post. not creepy at all...

"welp, ladies first," you laugh awkwardly as you unlock the doors. she shook her head in disagreement. "what, you can't do that! you took me here." you lifted an eyebrow and crossed your arms.

"don't make me go out there first, please baby," the look in chaewon’s eyes has you completely entranced. heat rushes to your face, staining it red. it took you a moment to form a response. “you’re a coward,” you murmured.

you push your car door open and hopped out. stepping foot on the rocky ground, the cool evening breeze sends shivers down your spine. you felt vulnerable being outside the walls of your car. in a snap you hurriedly ran to the other side to open the door for your girlfriend.

chaewon steps out and gently pats your cheeks as a thanks. “okay come with me.” she interlocks your fingers, leaving you no choice but to follow.

as you slowly approach the edge of the cliff, the view of the city lights comes into sight, leaving you mesmerized. who knew such a place existed that overlooks the city. chaewon lets go of your hand, letting you take in the scenery.

gawking for too long, you didn’t even notice the feeling of fear had completely washed away. discovering chaewon’s slipped away from your side, you promptly turned around only to see her resting on the bench behind you. she pats the empty space beside her gesturing you to sit down.

“so how’d you know about this place?” you drop your weight on the old wooden material. chaewon shifts closer to you and rests her head on your shoulder.

“i used to come here a lot with my grandma. we’d clear our heads and just talk.” you’re left speechless as you figure out where this is heading. “i wanted to share it with you for awhile now.” your heart softens at her words, realizing you occupy a special place in her heart.

you chuckle as you start playing with her hair, "thank you."

you both sit in comfortable silence just admiring the night sky. after a short while, you felt chaewon's grip on your hand loosen. turning your head to look at her, her eyes completely closed as her chest rises and falls.

looking at the time, it's nearing 1 in the morning. she must be exhausted after such a busy day. you can't even imagine what she'll have to go through later.

you lightly squeeze her, attempting to not startle her. "baby let's take you home yeah?" she groans in response with her eyes still glued shut.

crouching down, you force her to get on your back. you carried her back to the car and gently placed her in the passenger seat. you slowly walked back to the drivers side, taking in the view one last time. bringing her back here for your anniversary would be lovely, you thought.

as you comfortably sunk in your seat, you removed your jacket and wrapped it around chaewon's small figure. she shifts in her spot, turning in your direction giving you a tired smile.

"i'm sorry, did i wake you?" you rub her cheek with your thumb. she timidly shakes her head no.

"if i had known you'd take me here, i would've prepared much more." she chuckles at your statement. "don't be silly, being here with you is more than enough." shutting her eyes again, she falls back asleep. releasing a satisfied hum, you start the engine once again.

the streetlights illuminated the quiet streets and cars sat empty in parking lots. parking in front of her building, you sat there admiring how peaceful and cute she looked.

you shook her softly, "chaewonie we’re here." she yawns heavily and stretches in her seat. rubbing her cheeks, she slowly opens her eyes taking in her surroundings. taking hold of her soft hand, you walk her inside.

arriving at her front door, she turns to you with her head down. "i don't want you to leave... stay with me a little longer?" she tightly clutches on the hem of your shirt. "please?"

without warning, the door bursts open revealing a fully awake eunchae. she looks at you and chaewon cringing. "damn guys it's late. wrap it up please."

"isn't it past your bed time?" chaewon lifts a brow. eunchae crosses her arms as she leans against the door frame. "do you want me to rat you out."

chaewon's eyes widen at eunchae's response. lifting a fist in the air, she makes a threatening gesture. "i'm your leader, you can't tell me what to do." she pushes eunchae back inside, shutting the door at her face.

rubbing your eyes, you can't help but laugh at their interaction. "what's so funny?" she nudges you. tucking her hair behind her ear, you sigh in contentment. "you're so cute, you know that?" she shyly giggles at your compliment.

wrapping her arms around your waist, she pulls you into her embrace. "well you better go in before she comes back out." moving her hands from your waist to your neck, she brings you in and pecks your lips.

a stupid grin forms on the corner of your lip, "do it again." she laughs at your request. connecting your lips once again, it lasts longer this time. her hands explore your back, drawing you even closer. this is what you longed for.

"maybe i should stay for a bit," you whisper into the kiss. pulling away chuckling, she punches your shoulder. "shut up and go home."

opening the door, she finds eunchae waiting, mocking her with kissy faces. "omg eunchae! didn't i tell you to go to sleep?!" you can hear eunchae hysterically laughing on the other side as she makes a run for her room.

your girlfriend turns back to you, pinching the bridge of her nose. "ugh, kids..."

"text me when you get home and as soon as you wake up. i love you and drive safe. good night my lover girl~" peeking throught the small gap of her door she gives you a cheeky smile.

"i love you too. good night~" leaning in, you shut the door for her.

[duhnova]

valley of broken dreams (and lilies) | lee jihoon

paring: producer!jihoon x daycare worker!fem!reader 

genre: angst, some fluff, more hurt than comfort (but there’s comfort i swear)

word count: ~3.8k

synopsis: you met jihoon when you were both young and dumb — a promise you two made to become big in the music industry laid shattered years later when you lost your ability to sing, and now you have to live in the shadow of your boyfriend while you struggle to come to terms with your broken dreams. 

warning(s): mention of food, mentions of illness/being sick/unknown disease, angst, some fluff, hurt comfort (kind of), let me know if i forgot anything! - don't mind grammatical errors/typos (me and @lovelyhan tried to catch them all, ily kai <3)

garden collab masterlist 

The rain splattered against your apartment window softly as you ate dinner alone, for the third night in a row. Your boyfriend's plate sat cold across from you in the dimly lit dining room as you pushed the food around on yours. 

Jihoon has been working non stop on music for the past few weeks, three different artists deciding they wanted to drop their albums within days of each other – leaving him to spend days on end in his studio. It was hard for you sometimes, to sit at home by yourself while he got to live out the dream the both of you had built together. 

Shortly after you two had graduated from high school you had fallen violently sick and the doctors were unable to figure out what was wrong. After months of antibiotics and surgeries to remove infected tissue, the disease seemed to go away but not without damaging your vocal cords beyond repair. The strain of singing was dwindling your ability to speak and so with much heartache you gave up your future as a singer, opting to go to university to become a school teacher instead. 

Jihoon, however never gave up his end of your dreams – not that you would ever ask him too but watching him grow big in the music industry made you feel like a shadow of your former self. No one knows your name and no one outside your inner circles ever will because of some twisted fate that left you broken. 

Becoming lost in your thoughts of what could’ve been you missed the way a tear slipped down your cheek, only noticing when a quiet sob shakes your body. You feel pathetic as you let your vision blur, the mantra of your broken dream ringing in your ears while your emotions flow out your eyes. 

The night continued to run silent as you put Jihoons untouched dinner in the fridge, saving it for later knowing he wouldn’t be home when you woke up. It was a vicious cycle you played. Every night you made enough dinner for the both of you only for him to spend the night in his studio and it would repeat until he showed up apologizing and promising to be home more for dinner only for him to break the promise a couple days later. 

But you never learned. 

“Y/N?” Jihoons tired voice called out into the silence of your shared apartment. It was Saturday so you should’ve been home at nine in the morning. Yet you were nowhere to be seen as he wandered around calling your name. 

Exhausted Jihoon doesn’t try too hard to figure out where you went as he goes to take a shower. He speculates that you’ve just gone to the store as he lets the warm water run over his aching muscles, all his stress washing away with the suds of his soap. 

While in the midst  of cleaning himself he starts to hum his newest work in progress. The soft melody echoed off the walls of the shower, completely drowning out the sound of you entering the apartment. 

“Jihoon?” You call out softly, excitement bubbling in your voice as you saw his shoes kicked haphazardly off to the side of the shoe rack you had set up the other night. You go to set the bag full of fresh produce on the counter while you grab a vase to put the bouquet of flowers you bought yourself in. 

You weren’t worried about the lack of response as you could hear the distant sound of the shower running, figuring he couldn’t hear you over the water. After a couple minutes of organizing the fridge you finally shrug your jacket off so you could wander deeper into the apartment. 

Freezing just outside the bathroom door you freeze, Jihoon’s soft voice was muffled by the door but you could make out his gentle singing. The song was soft and sweet, it reminded you of spring as you let his voice envelope you. 

No matter how long you’ve known each other you could never get over how beautiful his voice was and it pained you a little that he chose to hide it and stay behind the scenes. You got so lost in the song and the memories that you didn’t notice that the shower had turned off until a towel-clad Jihoon opened the bathroom door, yelping quietly. 

“Y/N!” He huffs quietly when his heart stops racing from being scared. “I didn’t hear you come… home..” His voice trailed off when your surprised, tear soaked eyes looked up at  him. “Are you ok?” He was gentle when he reached to wipe your tears. 

“Yeah.. That song..” He hummed quietly as he finished wiping off your tears. “It’s really pretty… Who’s it for?”

“Oh.. It’s for no one.” His hand falls from your face as his eyes flicker from yours to the wall behind you. “It’s just something I’ve been working on on my own.”

“Oh?” You tilt your head as you try to catch his eyes. “Maybe when you finish it you could play it for me one day.” One thing that Jihoon rarely does is invite you to his studio, and even though you two had a grand piano set up in the living room it hasn’t been touched in almost a year. A part of you knew it was because Jihoon didn’t like singing in front of you since you lost your ability to do so, but another part of you hoped that it was just because he was too busy or tired to do it. 

“Maybe..” He hums quietly, finally looking you in the eyes again. A pained smile graces his face when he notices the hopeful glimmer in your eyes, he knew if he stared too long he’d cave and sing it for you right then and there. Willing himself to gently push past you, your boyfriend makes his way to your guys’ room so  he could get dressed.

It was that awkward time of the year where summer was turning into fall and all the trees were dying while the air got chillier. You hated it. 

All the couples around you stood close together, basking in each other's warmth while you walked alone and cold. Jihoon was supposed to meet you an hour ago but you figured he got caught up with his work, like he always does. 

“Why am I even still here freezing my ass off?” You mumble to yourself as you glare at the fifth couple you’ve seen stop in front of where you were sitting so they could take a cute picture under the fairy lights that were set up in the trees that surrounded the little shopping district you were in. Just as you began to wallow a little too much in your self pity, your phone began to ring. 

“Hello?” You sounded a little bitter, not even bothering to check who it was that called you. 

“Ouch,” Seokmins' voice came through the other end of the phone. “You don’t sound too happy to hear my voice.” He laughs quietly when you curse and apologizes in a happier tone. 

“Sorry min, I didn’t realize it was you.” You pushed down all your sadness as you sat up a little straighter. 

“It’s ok,” He sounded tired but still chipper as ever. “What’s got you down sunshine?” Growing up with Jihoon you happened to befriend all of his friends, and Seokmin in particular became one of your closest friends as well and you two always fought over who was the real sunshine. 

“Nothing got me down,” You’ve always been a horrible liar and the scoff the Seokmin let out proved that to be true. “Fine.. Jihoon blew me off for work again.” You grumble bitterly. 

“See, now it makes sense why you answered the phone the way you did.” You could hear him moving around through the speaker. “Where are you right now?”

“I'm just outside loveity’s cafe, why?” 

“Well I called originally to see if my two best friends were free to have dinner tonight since I’m finally home from being overseas.”

“What!? You weren’t supposed to be home for another two weeks!”

“Surprise shawty.” He mumbles while laughing to himself, only to flinch when you yell out an exasperated call of his name. “Well the last two games got canceled due to the head coach landing himself in the hospital with a concussion so I decided to just come home while the rest of my team is spending their last weeks exploring.” 

“Well I’d love to have dinner with you min, but Jihoon hasn’t even answered my texts yet so I don’t know if that’ll happen tonight.” You sigh quietly.

“He didn’t answer my calls either, that's why I called you.”

“Oh gee thanks, glad to know I’m the second choice.” You joke before laughing at how dramatic his gasps sounded. 

“Well if you wanted, me and you could still go out. Ditch the workaholic and catch up since me and you haven’t seen each other since your birthday last year.”

“Has it really been that long?” 

“It has, I’ve been so busy transitioning into the big leagues I kind of forgot about everyone for a second.”

“As long as you don’t forget us forever.”

“I could never.” You could hear the smile in his voice and it was contagious. “So how about you stay right where you’re at and I’ll come meet you and we can do some catching up?” 

“Sounds good, however I will be inside Loveity’s when you get here because I’m pretty sure I can’t feel my toes anymore… I might even be missing one, I don't really know.” You both laugh as you stand up and stretch, the bench having made your back sore. 

“As long as it’s not the big one I’m sure you’ll live,” You shake your head as you head towards the entrance of the cafe. “I’ll see you in twenty though, ok?”

“See you in twenty.” You sigh constantly as you hang up the phone, the warmth of the cafe enveloping you as you go to order a hot chocolate while you wait.

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?” Jihoon followed you around the kitchen as you cooked silently. You had been giving him the silent treatment for the past thirty minutes or so since he walked through the door. “Y/N please, just look at me for two goddamn seconds!” 

That finally made your head snap in his direction, your eyes glassy as you fought with every ounce of your body to not start crying right then and there. You could feel the anger and tears shake through your body as Jihoon stood like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” Your voice shook but it didn’t crack, much to your appreciation. 

“I- '' he swallowed the lump in his throat because he knows there's a million things he could be apologizing for but at that moment he doesn’t know exactly what he did wrong. 

“I constantly feel like a fool,” You mumble, you were never one to express when you felt things like this but it finally felt like you had enough. “I don’t even know if you're blowing our plans off because of work anymore.”

“What?” He sounded genuinely confused. 

“We were supposed to have lunch today, I even texted you to remind you because I knew if I didn’t you weren’t going to remember… But I guess that didn’t work anyways.” 

“You didn’t text me..” Jihoon pulled his phone out with a frown only to see in the midst of a million other notifications there was indeed a text from you at eleven a.m reminding him about your reservations. “Fuck..” He sighs quietly. 

“Normally I’d be fine with it but it's as if you were just blowing me off because of work but you went to have lunch with some other girl..”

“It’s not like that and you know that.” He took a step towards you but stopped when you turned back around to focus on the broth of your soup that was finally boiling.

“I do know that, but the media doesn’t.. To them famous Producer Lee Jihoon was spotted on a date with some stupid singer who they speculate he left his girlfriend for.” You very aggressively stirred the contents of your pot, only calming down when Jihoon gingerly wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. 

“It’s just a stupid rumor,” He mumbles as he rests his chin on your shoulder. “You know that, because obviously I didn’t leave you.. I’m just a dumbass.” He sighed as he squeezed your waist tighter. 

“I just…” You stop stirring as you slump back against his body a little. “I know music is your dream but.. I’m starting to feel like I don’t fit in with that dream anymore.” You whisper. 

‘What? Are you stupid?” You flinch when he pulls away, grabbing your shoulders so he can spin you around to face him. “This dream wouldn’t have even happened if it weren’t for you, I built everything I have because of you, so don’t even think that you don’t belong.” 

“This dream…” You swallow quietly. “This dream of ours, isn’t what it used to be… I can’t sing anymore Ji.” You watch the way he flinches, his eyes filling with sorrow and you want nothing more than to scream. You were sick and tired of the same battles that always ended with someone pitying or wallowing in what could’ve been. 

“This dream of ours can still work though.” He tried to reason as his fingers squeezed your shoulders tighter. 

“How!” You were getting fed up with the conversation already, the wound of the past ripped open enough. “The only way it can work is if I magically get my ability to sing back, but news flash Jihoon, we don’t live in some disney movie where the writers can just make us a happy fucking ending!”

“You just have to let me try!” His voice began to raise with yours, how it escalated so quickly was beyond you but the frustration was high in both of you. 

“Try? You won’t even sing your own songs out of fear of rejection from the music industry so how the hell are you supposed to ‘try’ Jihoon?”

“I don’t sing! You know this, it’s why you have always performed whatever I wrote!”

“You do sing though! I hear you in the bathroom or while you're working out! You can sing Ji, you’re just too scared too!”

“I’m not scared either! I’ve never been a singer though, it was always you.”

“Well I’m not a singer anymore and I will never become one again.. You have to give up that image of the past and move on.” 

“I’m not moving on from this dream or from you.” His voice still dripped with anger but it wasn’t as loud anymore. He didn’t even give you a second to respond before he was stepping backwards away from you and turning around to leave the kitchen. 

You stood there silently and listened to him walk down to what you assumed was your bedroom. You didn’t question him as you heard his keys jingle as he walked back down the hallway and haphazardly put his shoes on before aggressively opening and closing the door to your apartment. 

“Why’re you letting me hold back your dream.” You finally let a tear slip from your eyes as you turn back to your soup that you were pretty sure was burning a little bit.

“Look! Look!” Your niece aggressively shoved her crayon drawing in your face as you laughed quietly at the way she was describing the scene she made. “It’s you, Uncle Ji, and me at the park! And we had a duck.”

“A duck?” You smile adoringly, it wasn’t often you got to spend time with her as your sister lives out of town but you cherished the days she dropped her off while she ran errands in the area. 

“Yes, we found it.” She puts the drawing down to go back to coloring.

“Where did we find the duck?” You lean over to watch as she draws a little pond.

“At the pond silly!” She giggles and draws even more ducks in the water. 

“We can’t keep it forever though.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it’s family will miss it, see.” She pointed at all the little baby ducklings. “It's the daddy with the babies.”

“Oh? We have the mommy duck then?”

“We do.” She nods as she stares intensely while she draws more flowers around the water. In the midst of her finishing her masterpiece your niece asks you a question that floors you. “Can we sing when I’m finished?”

“Sing?” You look at her wide eyed, she’s never heard you sing before.

“Yeah.. Mommy says you and uncle Ji used to sing all the time.”

“We did when we were younger, I’m not like I used to be.” You smile gently at her. 

“What does that mean?” She looks up at you curiously. 

“Well.. I got sick and so I don’t sing anymore.”

“Sick?” She tilts her head.

“It’s a long story my love,” You pat her head gently. “But I’ll tell you what. If you clean up everything we can sing one song and that's it, ok?” She nods her head quickly, and excitedly squeals, leaving her as she hurriedly cleans up her mess.

You have never seen a kid move so quickly before when it came to cleaning up. All your kids at the daycare would rather sing along with you as you sang the clean up song to get them to hopefully clean up faster. 

“Done!” She jumps in front of you after returning from putting the crayons back where they went. 

“You're eager aren’t you.” You smile as you stand up and lead her towards the giant white piano that sat in the corner of the room atop a raised platform. 

“Mommy says your voice is beautiful.”

“Well, hopefully she’s still right.” You sit down at the piano, a pit forming in your stomach as you brushed your fingers over the freshly cleaned keys. “What shall I sing?”

“The last song you sang.” You shake your head, the last song you technically sang was the wheels on the bus and that was for the kids at your work. “Favorite song?” You hum quietly as you think hard about what your favorite song is.

“I can do that.” You took a second to refresh your memory on how it went but once you hit the first key it was like a river flowing out of you. The words rang flawlessly, as if you hadn't quit singing like that years ago. 

The loudness of the piano mixed with the adrenaline running through your ears. You didn’t notice the front door open and Jihoon walked in. He stood frozen at the front door, staring at the way your niece looked at you with stars in her eyes as you sang just as beautifully as he remembered. He almost started crying because he hadn’t heard your voice in so long, and the warmth it brought him almost made him fall to his knees. When you finally finished the song his clapping startled you and your niece as she stopped mid clap to yell in surprise. 

“Ji!” You stand from the piano nervously, you weren’t supposed to be singing, the activity of straining your vocal cords. “You're home early.” You look at the clock to see it was only one in the afternoon.

“I finally finished the last album..” He took his backpack off and gently set it on the table by the front door before he's taking his shoes off to swap them for his house slippers as he sets them on the shoe rack. 

“Uncle Ji!” Your niece giggles as she finally runs up to him and jumps in his arms. He laughs quietly and spins her around, asking her about her day. You felt a small pang in your chest as you watched them interact with each other, the longing for a family hitting you full swing for the first time in months. 

“Y/N?” Jihoon mumbled worriedly, startling you out of your little daydream. He was standing right in front of you now, your niece having ran off to grab something you assumed. 

“Yes?” You whisper quietly, looking into his eyes before jerking to cough into your sleeve. “Sorry..”

“You’re not supposed to be singing like that..” His voice was filled with worry as he gently rested his hand on the side of your neck.

“I know, but it’s the first time I really sang in years and I couldn’t say no to her..” You give him a sheepish smile. “Besides, she’s never heard me sing before.” 

“I just don’t want you to ruin your voice for good..” He rests his forehead against yours, the urge to tell you he’d miss the way you said ‘I love you’ on the tip of his tongue but before he could say anything else your niece comes running back into the room with a build-a-bear that she had made to look like him.

“Uncle Ji look! It’s you!” She giggles as she forces her way between you too to show him the cat up close. Jihoon laughs quietly as he picks her back up to look at it more closely.

“This isn’t me!” He laughs louder when she clicks the paw so that a voice recording of him talking plays. “Ok maybe it’s close to being me.” 

Days like this made you realize that maybe this dream you built with Jihoon really was perfect in its own way. Even if you couldn’t sing like you used too, you still had each other and the necklaces that you wore signified that – the old lily of the valley flowers that hung from the chains were unique to their creator, the both of you having made them for one another back when you had made the promise to become big stars one day.

feedback + reblogs greatly appreciated!

[burgundybmw]

Guitar String of Fate

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,372 (plus social media posts)

Warning: Angst (just the lyrics to the songs on the album, everything else is fluffy!), Game of Thrones critique and reference to its violent content (it makes sense later)

Summary: When the band Daughters of Lilith tour bus breaks down in the middle of Indiana, they are left stranded for a few hours waiting for help. Y/N (also known by Echo) sees a bar in the distance with a giant LIVE MUSIC sign in bright neon lights, she tells the girls they might as well find some entertainment while they wait. The local favorite Corroded Coffin is playing, and when she locks eyes with the guitar player for the first time, Y/N can’t help but feel the electricity in the air. Will this be a missed connection? Or will the strings of fate bring them together again?

Author’s Note: Here it is! The first chapter of Guitar String of Fate! Hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know if you want to be tagged in future updates!

Part I

[Official transcripts from the interview with Daughters of Lilith written by Frederick Benson, MTV News. Copyright © 2020 Viacomm International Inc. - All Rights Reserved]

This is Fred Benson coming to you live from Indianapolis! Fresh off the Antiquity tour, we have with us the members of Daughters of Lilith!

Echo: Lovely to be here!

Eden: Hey guys!

Chrissy: Hey everyone!

Barb: Hello!

Vickie: Hey!

For those who aren't in the know, Daughters of Lilith is an all girl rock band from Los Angeles, California. They took the music world by storm back in 2019 with their debut album "Into The Gorgon's Eyes." In an era where rock music was thought to be dead and buried, these ladies have brought it back to the land of the living! With millions of streams and stadiums across the country sold out, Daughters of Lilith has certainly rocked our worlds. Now tell us, how does it feel to finish up with your first continental tour?

Echo: It's definitely bittersweet. Everything has been amazing so far, all of our fans coming out to see us is absolutely surreal.

Vickie: Oh definitely, sometimes I feel like I'm going to wake up and this all thing was just a dream my brain made up.

Eden: I'm still shocked people actually like our sh*t. When we first formed the band we had no clue it would blow up like this.

Chrissy: It's crazy, because like, going on stage used to be so scary for me. Now it's like second nature! I loved seeing everyone's signs in the audience and watching them sing along to our music. It's so cool!

Barb: It feels good to be back in my home state of Indiana, but I can't wait to get back to LA for some much needed rest for sure.

Some R&R is definitely deserved, especially with the new album coming out in a few weeks. "A Mausoleum Knight's Dream" is heavily anticipated, when you guys dropped the title it went viral on social media. Can you tell us a bit about it?

Eden: It's definitely a different vibe from our first album, Y/N wrote most of the lyrics herself. I remember we were sitting in our apartment and I woke up to use the bathroom. I found her in the kitchen scribbling in her notebook like a woman possessed.

[Edit: Y/N L/N goes by the stage name Echo. Her band mates refer to her by her legal name in interviews]

Chrissy: She wrote the entire thing in like 2 days! It was insane! I don't think she slept!

Echo: I wasn't that bad...

Barb: You were. You were chugging espresso like it was water. Eden had to throw you in bed to get a couple hours of sleep and you snuck out the window!

Echo: I was in the groove!

Vickie: That just proves our point!

A whole album in two days! That's certainly something!

Echo: They're being dramatic. It was more like a week, but yea it was a lot. I got the idea for the album when we went to go see Shakespeare in the park. I get a lot of my inspiration for music from literature.

Yes of course. "Into The Gorgon's Eyes" was inspired from the Greek myth, right?

Eden: Yea and other myths and stories as well. Vickie and Y/N are big Greek mythology nerds.

Vickie: I'm a big Percy Jackson fan! But that wasn't the only reason why we chose the theme.

Echo: I think the story of Medusa is unfortunately something a lot of people can relate to. A lot of greek tragedies are. I wrote 'Wool Stained Red' after watching Game of Thrones actually. As much as I loved the show, the graphic displays of violence were absolutely horrific. It's insane how normalized violence is in media. How it's trivialized for plot development. We see it with Medusa, she was a victim of a crime and she became the villain, a monster. We sort of ran with the idea that we should show the other perspective. History, literature, myth, they're often written by the winners. We wanted to tell the story of the side characters, the ones who are cast aside to push the hero's narrative.

'Wool Stained Red' is actually one of my favorites on the album. Whenever I listen to the opening verse and chorus it always gives me goosebumps.

[Edit: 'Wool Stained Red' is the third song on the album.

Verse 1: They tell us as little girls / To watch for the wolf in sheep's clothes / Don't frolic, don't go, don't stray / Beasts lurk in the shadows / I thought I was safe inside, the door was locked up tight / You came like a ghost in the night, and now I'm the ghost inside

Chorus: The shroud that drapes around me is not as clean as it should be / I walked alongside the virgo / I tried to say no (tried to say no) / This stain won't go away, no matter how hard I try / You've marked my soul forever, until the day I die]

Barb: Y/N wrote the opening and Eden did the chorus. At the time, they were fighting over the notebook to get all of their ideas out.

Eden: We wouldn't have to argue over it if she didn't insist on using the same notebook for music...

Echo: It's my lucky charm! I bought ten of them from the same store for when we eventually run out of pages. I swear it's like magic, I can't write in anything else.

Chrissy: It's so cute actually, she takes care of that thing like it's her baby.

Vickie: She doesn't go anywhere without it.

Is that where you wrote A Mausoleum Knight's Dream?

Echo: Sure is. I'm excited to see what people think about it, I don't know if I can wait two weeks for it to drop. Patience is certainly not my virtue.

You're certainly not alone with that, fans have been buzzing for months for its release. Especially after the overwhelming success of the Antiquity Tour. Are you guys going to do another one for this album?

Vickie: We would love to! If the album does well I'm sure another tour is on the horizon.

So what's next for you ladies? Gonna spend some time in Indiana before heading back to LA?

Barb: I wish we could, but we have events planned in LA for the new album release. It would be nice to spend some time in my hometown for a bit, but we might come back the next time we have downtime.

Echo: I was really bummed out about that. I really wanted to see Hawkins.

Hawkins, Indiana?

Chrissy: Yea! Barb, Vickie, and I are from there! Funny enough, we didn't really know each other well until we all met again in LA.

Vickie: We actually all went to the same high school, but Hawkins High is pretty big and we didn't run in the same circles back then.

Barb: Chrissy was a cheerleader, Vickie was in band, and I was more of a home body. It's insane to think about where I am today. If you would have told 16 year old Barbara Holland she'd be in a rock band with millions of fans, she would have said you were insane. I only had one best friend in high school, her name's Nancy. We're still really close.

I'm actually an alumna of Hawkins High funny enough.

Barb: I knew I recognized you! You were on the paper with Nance right?

I was! I can't believe you recognized me! It's good to see you again.

Barb: It's good to see you again too, Freddie!

Eden: I'm feeling very left out right now.

Echo: I guess we're not cool enough to be a part of the Hawkins crew Edy.

Vickie: Oh you two are so dramatic.

Chrissy: We'll all plan a vacay soon! You guys can see where we grew up!

Echo: Sounds good Chris, I'd love to see it.

As much as I love this trip down memory lane, we unfortunately have to wrap up this interview. Any final words to your fans in Indiana?

Echo: You guys were kick ass last night! Can't wait to come back!

Eden: Till next time Indiana.

Chrissy: Bye everyone! We love you guys so much, thanks for coming out!

Vickie: Hope you guys like the new album!

Barb: Thank you Indianapolis, and shout out to Hawkins!

That's everything folks! This was Daughters of Lilith with you live in Indianapolis! A Mausoleum Knight's Dream drops in 2 weeks, so stay tuned for that!

Eddie was procrastinating, but it wasn't his fault. Really. It was Robin's. If she never suggested new music to him he would have actually made progress with Corroded Coffin's new material. How was he supposed to resist the temptation of an album called Into The Gorgon's Eyes? It was like a siren's call. The link to the album Robin had sent just begging to be played. Eddie knew Gareth would give him shit for listening to another band's music instead writing for his own, but when he did he care about Gareth's opinion anyway? He thinks Whitesnake is one of the best bands to come out of the 80s. Clearly his opinion was wrong.

Robin had told him that the best way to listen to the album was from beginning to end. That once he started it, he had to finish it. He had a few hours before he had to leave for The Hideout, so he decided to put it on early instead of playing it in his van. It was the best decision he made in weeks.

Daughters of Lilith's music wasn't like anything he'd listen to before. The melody transported him outside of himself. It sounded as if he was inside of a cave, or some abandoned ruins in an ancient land far away from Hawkins, Indiana. He understood why the lead singer decided to go by Echo, her voice surrounded him on all sides, moving through him like a stark winter's chill.

Robin was right when she said it was a masterpiece. It was haunting. Tragic. Eddie was hooked. The introduction 'My Body Is A Temple' was lighter, bright for a nu metal/goth rock band. All of the instrumentals were acoustic. Echo's voice shined; her high notes reminiscent of the church choir Eddie's mom made him join as a kid. Surrounded by stone, the reverb bouncing off the walls of his mind. Peaceful, angelic. Completely different from the song that followed it.

'Violated' began with an intense guitar rip, so loud it almost deafened him. The drums pounded against his ears like most of the metal music he listened too. What differentiated it from the rest was the soft keys of the piano that broke through the heavy tone. Echo's voice was heartbreaking. As if she was on the brink of tears. Pure agony. That's how most of the Into The Gorgon's Eyes went, a contrast of harmony and discord.

The last song on the album hit him the hardest. There are only a handful of songs that ever made him cry, 'Hemlock' was one of them. It left him feeling raw. Untethered to the space he occupied in his bedroom. Eddie knew he was going to be late for tune up at the Hideout, but he didn't care. When the song finished, he instantly replayed it. The melancholy sounds of Echo's sirens call beginning again.

Your hubris is showing my dear/ It’s what will destroy you /You swallow your pride without fear / Until those lips I once kissed turn blue / I wish I could say I was surprised / But from me, oh you could never hide /

The poison fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / They tell me it’s not your fault, that it’s a disease of the mind / And it’s so easy to say, until they watch the decay of your eyes that were once kind /

Gifts of the Earth can heal / They can send you to your grave / You’re sprinting backwards on life’s old wheel / That’s not how one should behave / And you won’t drag me there with you, despite how hard you tried / I’d rather walk this road alone than become a widow before a bride /

The poison slowly fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / They tell me it’s not your fault, that it’s a disease of the mind / And it’s so easy to say, until they watch the decay of your eyes that were once kind /

…

I told you I told you / Time and time again / The flowers are not so pretty / When they can bring the kiss of death / Say hello my darling, to the fates of three / When they cut your cord and steal your last breath / You told me I was your Eurydice, that you’d go to Hell and back for me / You’re a lyre, you stole the gold from the windows of my soul to pay Charon’s fee / I told you I told you / It was never if but when /

The poison slowly fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / They tell me it’s not your fault, that it’s a disease of the mind / And it’s so easy to say, until they watch the decay of your eyes that were once kind /

The poison slowly fills your veins / Like the way you filled my head / You tried to mask your pain / Now I sleep alone in our bed / I sleep alone in our bed /I sleep alone in our bed /

When you wake up tomorrow, will it be heaven sent?

[angstyandromanticwriting]

‘Louisiana Rose’ (an OC) X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Prompt

• Rose’s face-claim is Margot Robbie as Nellie Laroy

• Inspired partly by Daisy Jones & The Six

!TW: Accidental cheating (in a relationship), implied suffering from depression + separation anxiety + anxiety + self-doubt, self put-down(s), implied substance abuse (with alcohol) + being addicted to it + using it to try and commit suicide, implied sexual occurrence, hints of facing homophobia, implied being violently threatened, implied wanting to die, implied being previously abandoned by parents, being sick, unconsciousness, suffering a near-death experience + mention of a previous near-death experience; of previously being shot in a murder attempt, implied previously self-harming + trying to commit suicide, swearing, having a nightmare, failed suicide attempt - If I’ve missed any, let me know ❤️!

“Y-Y/n, wait - please!” Rose cried, but you wouldn’t stop walking toward the entrance of the hotel; you’d just found out from Suki that she and Joel had been together, the night before, and you could only imagine the worst in terms of what they were doing in his room, together. “J-Just look at me, and - and let me explain what happened last night; it’s not what you think, I swear-”

“I never want to - want to look at you again,” you hissed, your voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and Rose would falter, a hurt look on her face, “n-nor do I ever want to speak to you again.”

“So that’s it? You’re just leaving, because Suki told you that she saw me and Joel going into his room, last night? She couldn’t have known what was going on, either - you realise that, right?” She reminded you, but you found you couldn’t shake your doubt from your mind, especially when you believed yourself to be nothing, compared to her, and couldn’t imagine someone as perfect as her ever wanting to spend the rest of their life with you. “Y/n, please-”

“It’s not just because of that,” you retorted, before sharply turning to face her, and Rose would stop before she could bump into you, a pained expression on her face whilst tears threatened to escape her eyes, and sobs threatened to escape her; she couldn’t believe that this was happening, and wished she could take back the time to stop what had happened between her and him happening after she’d got drunk during the party Rod had thrown to celebrate the band’s completion of another album, “it’s also because you weren’t there when I needed you most - y-you stayed here with him, whilst-.. whilst I-.. I was..”

“That’s another thing - where even were you last night?” She questioned, and you would falter, before bowing your head whilst a lump would begin to form in your throat, and tears would begin to stream down your cheeks. “You left, a-after that fight we had-.. and-.. a-and then-.. you never came back, until this morning,” she recalled dejectedly, whilst wondering why she’d let the fight go on like it had - maybe it wouldn’t have ended with you storming out and disappearing for the rest of the night, and majority of the morning, “I was worried about you, I thought-.. I thought someone had hurt you, o-or that-.. you’d maybe - hurt yourself-..”

“You can’t have been that worried,” you uttered, and Rose would grimace over at you; she couldn’t believe that you were being like this, right now, and wondered if you’d recently had a drink, or two - something likely as you’d been drinking a lot more recently, “I mean - you were happy enough to get drunk, and to sleep with Joel-”

“How can you be so certain that I actually slept with him?” She pried, her voice managing to crack a little whilst she did, because she was certain - herself - that she had, and hated herself for it, though she couldn’t actually remember doing so, recalling only that she’d ended up waking up naked in his bed.

“Because you’re not convincing me otherwise,” you answered, “and even if you tried - I’d know that you were lying because I know you, Rose, and I know that someone as perfect as you could never truly be happy with a nobody like me.”

Rose would appear shocked, whilst her heart sank and would ache excruciatingly alongside your’s; she couldn’t believe that you had been thinking stuff like that, and that you’d been trying to hide it from her all this time, no doubt hurting yourself whenever you found yourself putting yourself down like that. “Y-Y/n, no, that’s not-”

“Here,” you would take off the ring she’d given you the night after she and Joel had had to marry one another to throw the press’ scent off of you both being together; something viewed as widely disagreeable at the time, due to you both being two women in love with one another, “you can have it back.” She would shake her head gravely whilst you delicately closed her right hand over it, and she would subconsciously hold your own right hand in her left one, prompting you to falter, and to appear crestfallen whilst you glanced down at her hand holding your’s, before you looked up at her again, and would manage to free your hand from her’s. “I should go,” you murmured, “the train’s probably.. probably leaving soon, and I can’t miss it-”

“No,” she whined, inching closer to you, but you would move away before she could get any closer, disheartening her further whilst stray tears began to slowly run down her cheeks, prompting you to feel worse, but you would try and fight back the guilt that you were currently feeling by reminding yourself of how she was better off, without you, and would be happier, as well as safer from the threats of the press, if you left, and never came back, “d-don’t leave, please - Y/n, I - I love you, I-.. I need you; I can’t do this without you; if I lost you again, I-.. I honestly don’t - don’t know what I’d do-..”

You would shake your head, before looking away from her again, finding you couldn’t take the pain which grew to be more and more excruciating whenever you allowed your gaze to meet her’s. “Don’t worry,” you mustered, though you knew you’d probably break down, soon, if you tried to continue any longer than you currently were, “I’m sure you’ll find another bassist, soon enough, ‘cause I quit, if that wasn’t already obvious. Goodbye, Rose - I hope you and Joel’ll be happy together.”

You would then make to walk away again, and Rose would rush after you; she couldn’t let you go; couldn’t live without you again as it was painful trying to do so whenever she had had to, before. “You can’t go-!” She continued shakily, and you would draw in a shaky breath whilst a strained sob would fight to escape your lips again. “I mean - where would you even stay?” She asked, and you would shrug, not sure, but you’d find somewhere, remembering - then - the small hut you’d both found in the woods close to her family’s home, and you would wonder if it was still there, though you knew it would hurt you to see it again, and to be reminded of how you both used to be together. “Y/n-”

“I’ll find somewhere,” you interjected weakly, and Rose would shake her head again hastily, desperate for you to stay with her, and to give her another chance to prove to you that she loved you more than anything; more than she could ever love herself, as well as to prove that her night with Joel meant nothing to her, “I don’t even know why you’re worrying-”

“You know why I am,” she retorted, “I’m worried about you because I love you, Bassey, a-and - I can’t imagine my life without you in it-”

“Rose-!” A different voice would sound out, and you would scowl, guessing Joel had heard the commotion, and had decided to check it out, himself. “Let her go, for God’s sake,” he instructed, after managing to wrap his arms around Rose’s waist, and she would panic, struggling against him; she couldn’t let you go again, like she’d had to after her family had found out about her association with you when you were both smaller, “she only makes things worse for us-”

“I’m not losing her again-!” Rose cried, but he wouldn’t let her go, even after she’d tried to kick at him, and failed miserably whilst he began to drag her back inside to the others like Rod had instructed him to do; Rod feared that the situation would only be made worse, if Rose went after you, and hoped that maybe by stopping her, you would change your mind, and eventually come back to them. As soon as you would both find that you couldn’t see each other anymore, you would allow yourselves to break down, unable to hold it back anymore whilst you sobbed uncontrollably, and you would have to lean heavily against the wall hiding you from view to the right of the hotel’s entrance; you feared you would collapse, if you kept going, feeling much too numb to be stable, and the pain was radiating throughout your whole body to the point you found yourself wishing you could just collapse, curl up, and die on the spot, not wanting to live with the pain of being away from her, and being discriminated against for being a lesbian. Once you’d come to terms with that being impossible, you would decide to try and do something which would bring you closer to death, dragging yourself toward the bar in hopes that you drinking some more would finally end the pain for both you, and Rose, though of course it only ended up making things worse, and didn’t have the outcome you had been hoping it would.

🜚

After you’d been kicked out of the bar, evidently drunk, and refusing to leave, you would sink down against the wall outside whilst you began to cry, feeling numb again; no amount of drink could rid you of the pain you’d been experiencing, recently - only Rose could make you feel like were okay again; like you weren’t broken, but you knew that - if you did end up going back to her - you would only make things worse for her, and you couldn’t let that happen; you wanted only for her to be happy, like she deserved to be, and you knew for a fact that you couldn’t do that for her. “Y/n-?” A familiar voice would sound out, and you would hesitantly lift your head after you’d brushed away your tears to the best of your ability to find a blurry figure of Claire - one of Alice’s friends, and Alex’s girlfriend that you’d met recently in the very same bar you were currently outside of, and most likely suspended from for your excessive drinking, and abuse of alcohol.

“Claire-? Thank God you’re here - a-are the others with you?” You inquired barely audibly, your words slurring a little, and Claire would crouch down in front of you, frowning when she noticed that you’d evidently been crying quite a bit as she - like the others - hated seeing you upset, as whenever you were like this you tended to appear quite depressed, as well as suicidal.

“Not today, unfortunately,” she answered, “Alex is at work, and Alice is sick, s-so it’s just me.”

“Oh,” you responded, before appearing puzzled, “I didn’t know that you drink, too; you didn’t touch a drop at all, the day I met you and the others.”

She would grin, before nodding. “No, I - er - I suppose I don’t drink, really,” she clarified, and you would appear surprised, wondering how she coped if ever she found herself in pain.

“Do you turn to drugs, then?” You pried, and Claire would appear taken aback, before hastily shaking her head.

“God, no,” she answered, “d’you know what - or who - helps me?”

“N-Not really,” you mustered dejectedly whilst you stared down at your currently trembling, and too pale hands to hide that you were trying not to break down again; you could guess what the answer to her question might be, but it was too painful to think that you should return to Rose, and make her life a living hell again just to make yourself feel okay again by sticking to her side like you longed to do, more than anything, right now, and it hurt you even more to be reminded that you couldn’t, if you wanted her to be happy again, which you did, and always would, no matter what ended up occurring between you both.

“Alex,” she stated, whilst a soft smile would begin to play on her lips at the thought, and mention of her, prompting your heart to sink whilst you began to think of Rose again, “she’s always been my safe place, and don’t get me wrong; we have had our rough patches, but-.. we always make up, because we know that we belong together, and that we could never love anyone else the way that we love each other; could never be as happy as we are when we’re together with anyone else.”

“Rose called you and told you what happened, didn’t she?” You guessed, and Claire would hesitate, not sure if she should tell you, or not, as Rose hadn’t told her whether she should, or shouldn’t do so. “She told you she cheated on me?” You pried, and Claire would falter, shocked. “I’ll take that as a no,” you murmured, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, before you bowed your head again, and would find yourself struggling to hold yourself together again.

“N-No, she - she didn’t tell me that, but-..” Claire mused, not sure what to say, or to advise you to do, at first. “I don’t know, she - she sounded really upset, Y/n,” she recalled, “and I’ve never heard her like that, and I know I’ve not known her for a long time l-like you have, but.. I don’t think she meant it.” You would hesitantly glance up at Claire, a doubtful look on your face. “She-.. erm - also wanted me to tell you that she loves you, and that she always will, n-no matter what you decide to do,” she informed, and you couldn’t help, but allow a strained sob to escape your lips; you felt too weak, and unstable to fight back your emotions any longer, prompting Claire to try and provide comfort to you by easing you into a hug, and you would bury your face into her left shoulder whilst you cried quietly, and would subconsciously cling to her jacket as if you feared possibly sinking deeper into the ground; into your depression after the events that had recently occurred following Rose and Joel’s marriage.

“She shouldn’t,” you managed shakily, “she should hate me - h-how can someone - someone as perfect as her l-love someone like me? I don’t understand it-”

“What do you mean? Y/n, there’s nothing wrong with you,” Claire interrupted, and you would scoff, before gravely shaking your head, “it’s true; you shouldn’t be thinking like that.”

“How can’t I, w-when that’s the way I’ve been made to feel ever since I was born?” You retorted, after freeing yourself from Claire’s embrace, and she would frown, evidently worried about you again. “M-My parents were right in giving me up like they did,” you uttered, “I’m - I’m just a freak-”

“That’s not true,” she further contradicted, and would continue before you could protest any further, “look - I think I should get you back to the hotel; you need to sleep this off, and sober up a bit-”

“No-!” You cried suddenly, and would clumsily force yourself to your feet, Claire immediately getting up after you had. “If - If I go back, I’ll just make things worse for Rose again,” you whined, and Claire would shake her head whilst she tried to stabilise you by holding you at arm’s length, “please don’t make me go back-”

“Make things worse? Y/n, she wants you to go back,” Claire reminded you gently, and you would shake your head again, whilst your panic began to dissolve into dizziness and nausea, “hey - are you okay?” You found you couldn’t answer, leaning heavily against her whilst you would stammer feebly, and wonder if you were about to be sick. “Y/n-?” Claire pried, whilst she tried not to panic alongside you.

“You - You need to go,” you managed, before trying to walk away from her, relying heavily on the wall to your left side whilst Claire followed closely behind you, “I don’t need - need help.” You would then stop whilst your ears began to ring a little, and vision would slowly begin to blacken. “W-Wait, no,” you whined again in your moment of hysteria and panic, “where’s - where’s Rose? I need Rose-” You then couldn’t hold it back as you threw up, and Claire would wince, wasting no time to hold you up as she feared you would end up collapsing, which you would not too long after you’d begun, but Claire had managed to keep hold of you after you’d appeared to go limp, and had undoubtedly fallen unconscious, breathing quite faintly and weakly whilst your heart seemed to be struggling to continue, and its beats to be gradually slowing down quite dangerously, so instead of the hotel, Claire would hurriedly carry you to a hospital, effectively saving your life, though you would have rather died - like you’d been intending to do drinking as much as you had in the first place - to make Rose happy again by ridding her of the pain - and freeing her of you - as you believed you had been causing her pain ever since you’d first met her, and fallen deeply in love with her.

🜚

Not too long after that moment, you would find yourself beginning to stir in a too-bright hospital room, your vision blurry whilst you winced; the intensity of the lights was overwhelming, and you would find yourself beginning to panic again, wondering if you were dead, or on death’s door, but you would relax instantly upon finding that someone’s arms around around you, and you would be surprised to find that it was Rose; she’d rushed down to the hospital as soon as Claire had called her to tell her about what had happened. “Rose,” you whispered shakily, and she would then begin to stir alongside you upon hearing your voice, at first worrying that maybe she had just imagined hearing it, until she would notice that you had awoken, and weren’t ‘gone’ like she feared you would be; like the doctor had warned you might ‘disappear’ during the night, and never wake up again - your lungs had been weak ever since you’d been brought in, and you were relying on being hooked up to machines to keep your heart beating whilst you could only manage barely audible, and small breaths after you’d consumed more alcohol than you ever had, before, in one sitting.

A strained sob would then manage to escape Rose’s lips whilst she sat up a little, and would smile feebly down at you; she was evidently elated to find that you were okay, after she’d been spending every second before this moment worrying and crying for Rod to let her go after you. “You’re okay!” She chimed, her voice briefly trembling, and barely audible whilst her heart began to race alongside your’s, before she leaned down to kiss you, but you would manage to speak again, before she could, faltering whilst you dejectedly stared longingly up at her, wondering why things had gone wrong again, like they already had so often before.

“Kissing me won’t make this go away; t-this pain,” you murmured, and Rose would frown, before appearing guilty again, recalling what had happened before you’d left, prompting her heart to begin aching excruciatingly alongside your’s as a result of the memory, “but-.. I’m sorry; I know I shouldn’t have reacted like that. You weren’t doing anything wrong: you’re-.. married to him, anyway, so-.. I’m so sorry-”

“No,” Rose interjected gently, whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s, not wanting you to feel as if you were to blame or what had happened, earlier, “I-.. it should be.. it should be me apologising, Bassey.. I am the one in the wrong, not you-”

“No, Rose, that’s not-”

“I shouldn’t have let it happen,” she mused weakly, “I’m so sorry, Y/n, I-.. I love you, a-and I swear I - I didn’t mean for it to happen, I just-.. he means nothing to me, nothing-”

You would nod gravely whilst your heart would suffer further after being hit by yet another pang of sadness, though you weren’t sure why, reminding yourself of how you’d been worried about this happening for a while, now, due to how you believed you were nothing, compared to her, and always had been; that you’d never truly be good enough for her; never truly make her happy the way you longed to, and had been longing to ever since you’d first met her whilst you both had been smaller many years ago, now. “So it’s true?” You interrupted faintly, and Rose would fall quiet whilst tears began to stream down her cheeks; she couldn’t bear to see you like this, especially when she knew that it had been her who had upset you, when all she’d ever wanted was to make you happy. “You.. You did sleep with him,” you clarified, and she would then break down further whilst she began to sob softly into your left shoulder, wishing she could take back the time again to stop the events of the previous night from occurring the way that they had.

“W-Well - I can’t remember, but-.. I just.. feel like I did,” she answered truthfully, “I only remember waking up in - in his bed, n-naked, and I hate myself for it; I hate myself for hurting you, b-but I swear I’ll never let myself even go near his room anymore, a-and I’ll never let myself get drunk around him again-”

“I can’t do this anymore, Rose,” you expressed, and she would appear worried again, terrified of losing you, “c-can’t-.. watch you and him together anymore, o-or be reminded of.. of how you’re.. n-not mine anymore. It’s painful enough remembering; waking up and thinking about how - even if we wanted m-more than anything to - we’ll never be able to get married, now, ourselves, i-if they ever eventually decided that we could, because you’re-.. you’re with him, now, and probably won’t ever want to divorce him, right? To - To protect us?”

“You don’t understand, Y/n,” she replied, “I can’t let them hurt you again; that - that guy shot you, and I almost lost you then, too, s-so - please just.. tell me what I have to do to fix this, w-without the press getting suspicious of us, because I can’t lose you Bassey, n-not again-”

“You have to choose, Rose,” you stated, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and Rose would falter again, a pained expression on her face whilst she waited anxiously to hear the options you were about to give her, “e-either you divorce him, and come with me to some place we can try and find where we know we’ll be accepted, and allowed to be together, or you stay, remain married to him and the band, and I go, o-once they finally release me from this place.”

She would shake her head hastily whilst more tears would be shocked out of her eyes, though her stunning icy blue eyes were already sore, but you would try and hide the guilt you were currently feeling, staring down at your hands in a crestfallen manner; you hated what you were doing to her, but knew that you’d soon end up dying, if things continued the way that they currently were, and couldn’t help, but hope that you would soon perish as you were certain - now - that she’d be happy, if you did, when she herself thought the complete opposite to you; she could never be happy, without you, but couldn’t imagine also giving up the band she’d fought hard to create her whole life; couldn’t imagine giving up her position as a singer - something she had always aspired to be, and had spent much time talking to you about when you were both much smaller and younger than you were, now. Nor could she ever imagine her life without you in it, however, and knew that if she did, the band; her position within it, and her life in general, wouldn’t be worth living or preserving any longer if she ever ended up losing you like she briefly had, a few years ago due to her family not wanting her to see you again, therefore forcing her to move away with them.

“Wait, so-.. to stay with you, I-.. I have to give everything up?” She mused dejectedly whilst you would stare ahead of you, fearing her answer, whilst also hoping she’d hate you for what you were doing, but she could never hate you, no matter what you posed upon her, because she knew that you were in as much pain as she was, and it was excruciating; if she were in your position, she knew that she would have most likely been trying to often hurt herself, trying to take her own life, or trying to get you to leave Joel as well as the band so you could both start again together, away from the others, and within a society in which you could both freely be together without being constantly threatened, and made to feel as if you didn’t belong just because of you both being within a same-sex relationship together; hated just because you were two women in love with one another.

“You don’t have to stay with me, if-.. if you don’t want to,” you reminded her, and she would shake her head; she couldn’t let you go again, and would hastily try and think of another way whilst she slowly wrapped her arms around you again so she could cradle you a little closer to her without affecting the machines which were currently keeping you alive, alongside the fact that her being with you was willing you to fight for a little longer, instead of encouraging you to give up, like you knew you would if you woke up to find that she were no longer by your side.

“But-”

“I just-.. miss your smile, s-so much,” you murmured, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she silently begged for you to change your mind; to give her another option which would allow her to keep the band going, whilst still allowing her to stay with you, too; to be with you freely like she longed to be, like you did, too, and knew you always would, no matter what she ended up deciding to do, “a-and it kills me because I-.. I know that it.. it was.. me who.. basically s-stopped you from smiling l-like you used to; you used to be so happy, a-and-”

“I’m still happy,” she interjected gently, “Y/n, I - I’m always happy whenever I’m with you, I swear; I love you-”

The door would then open, and Rose would nervously look over her shoulder, grimacing when she noticed that it was Joel who had decided to invade the room when he was far from welcome to do so. “Thought I should, erm-.. tell you something about last night, Louisiana - well.. I suppose it - obviously concerns both of you,” he uttered; Rod had obviously given him a stern talking to, recently, and you would scowl over at him.

“To think I actually trusted you for a little while-”

Joel would glare over at you whilst Rose tried to provide comfort to you by intertwining blissfully the fingers of her right hand with the currently too pale fingers of your left one. “I get it,” he spat, “I’m an asshole, Y/n, alright? But - w-we were both drunk, okay? Like - really drunk, a-and neither of us were really thinking about what we were doing, and I know-.. I shouldn’t have let it happen, or even encouraged it by buying us more drinks, a-and flirting with her a little bit, but-”

“Get to the point, already,” you muttered weakly, whilst you found yourself unwillingly imagining them together the night before whilst Rose was staring down at her left hand, wishing she’d never let it happen, and had gone out looking for you after you’d both fought, and you’d rushed out of the hotel; she couldn’t bear hearing the pain in your voice that you had been trying, and miserably failing to hide from them whilst you tried to stay strong for Rose, though she found she couldn’t imagine why, after what had recently occurred between her and Joel.

“Something scared me this morning, Rose - o-or rather, alarmed me,” he admitted, and she would look up at him, whilst she began to appear nervous, wondering what it could be that he was about to tell her, “a-as much as neither of us want it to be true, we did-.. y’know, last night.” You would tense up, whilst Rose would appear crestfallen again after you’d subconsciously eased your hand free from her’s as carefully as you possibly could to try and avoid accidentally physically hurting her by doing so. “A few people heard us, and - well-.. Rod’s mad at me, and Suki’s obviously mad at me,” he continued anxiously, evidently beating around the bush whilst you grew irritated at him trying to avoid what he was meant to be telling you both.

“Joel,” you hissed, weakly, as if you were about to break down again, prompting Rose’s heart to sink a little further.

“Alright-!” He retorted sharply whilst Rose grimaced over at him, and couldn’t believe how much she despised him, right now; she’d always disliked him, but recently she had found herself loathing him for everything he’d done to you both; for the way he had recently been treating you by rubbing the fact that he and her were married in your face, as well as by simply just picking on you more than he would ever pick on the others, excluding Suki who he supposedly had feelings for before, and currently after the events of last night. “Keep your fucking hair on for a minute,” he continued, and before Rose could insult him, he would continue to try and avoid her wrath in verbal form, “what I wanted to tell you both was that I-.. l-looked around the room, and.. and in all the bins, and - couldn’t find a condom, so-.. unless you were, or have been using anything like a pill, we weren’t using any protection last night.”

You wouldn’t know what to do, feeling empty and numb all of a sudden, as if everything within you had collapsed, leaving you with nothing, but an excruciating pain filling the void which used to be the space your heart had previously been residing in. “W-Wait,” Rose mustered shakily, “what? N-No, you - you’re lying; you can’t have not been using anything-”

“Tell that to my condomless apartment,” he replied, shrugging, whilst awkwardly shuffling on the spot, and Rose would try not to panic whilst she thought back to that night, and would try and recall if she had been using anything, herself, but it scared her because she was almost certain that she hadn’t, not that she could remember much at all about that night, especially not that part of it; the part in which she and Joel had supposedly hooked up. “So-? Were you using anything, or?” He pried, and Rose would subconsciously shake her head gravely whilst more tears managed to escape her eyes, trailing slowly down her cheeks whilst she considered what this might mean; she might end up finding herself to be pregnant, in a couple or so weeks time, and she was terrified. “Right,” he murmured, not sure what to do, now, whilst he hoped against hope that this wouldn’t result the way it easily could, as he’d been also able - not too long ago, now, to get Suki pregnant, too; they’d just not told anyone about the news, yet, and Suki wasn’t willing to do so any longer, after what had previously occurred, finding herself doubting that she could ever be able to trust Joel again. He would then suddenly and unexpectedly punch the wall with his right hand, startling you both whilst he would curse under his breath, clutching his fist. “Shit-!” He spat, before storming out of the room, and Rose wouldn’t know what to say, afraid of somehow managing to hurt you more, after what had just occurred, and been brought to light.

She would then glance over at you, her heart aching some more once she’d noticed that you were trying hard not to cry again, and she couldn’t take it, a strained sob managing to escape her lips whilst her face contorted. “Y-Y/n, I-”

“I guess I should stay,” you managed feebly, your voice briefly cracking whilst you bit down a little on your bottom lip to stop it from trembling whilst a lump formed in your throat, and tears would stream endlessly down your cheeks, “j-just for now, as-.. as long as you-.. you want me to - do you?”

“M-More than anything,” she answered, after lowering her hands; she’d briefly been crying into her hands after finding she couldn’t speak, for a moment; the pain, and newfound fear had been stopping her from doing so, “B-Bassey, I - I can’t tell you how sorry I am, I-”

“It’s not your fault,” you reminded her, your voice barely audible, and she would shake her head hastily, evidently longing to protest, but at the same time she was afraid of upsetting you any further than she already had, recently, “c-c’mere, Rose.” She would nod, wasting no time to inch closer to you so she could melt into your embrace, and return it as soon as she felt able whilst she buried her face into your right shoulder, and would sniffle against it whilst she proceeded to cry quietly; she couldn’t believe that this was happening, and that the situation had managed to possibly grow to be worse, though she wasn’t sure yet if she would end up finding herself pregnant with Joel’s baby. “You didn’t know it was gonna happen,” you reminded her, “J-Joel should have-.. have taken more responsibility than he did.” You would delicately stroke her hair, trying to provide further comfort to her as you hated seeing her upset, and you didn’t want her to feel as if she were to blame for what had happened to her. “Look, no - no matter what happens-.. Rose, I-..” You would fall quiet, doubting - for a moment - that she might want to hear you muster the three words, after what she’d just heard, when really she found herself longing to hear them from you, glancing up at you with wide and hopeful eyes, and you would appear surprised by her reaction, not expecting it. “I love you,” you blurted out, once your gaze had blissfully locked with her’s again, and she couldn’t help, but smile warmly over at you, before she leaned forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss whilst you eased her a little closer to you feebly to the best of your ability. “And I always will, no matter what,” you added in a voice close to a whisper, after pressing a delicate kiss to her forehead, and she would appear relieved, feeling much safer, and content again now that she were finally within your arms again.

“I - I love you, too,” she returned shakily, “and if you need time to forgive me f-for what happened, o-or if you find you can’t forgive me at all-”

“I forgave you ages ago,” you reassured her, “I could never stay mad, o-or upset with you, Rose, n-no matter what, nor could I ever blame you for anything; I love you too much to, a-and I can’t live without you, either. I’m so sorry; I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that earlier by giving you a choice like that-”

“No, Bassey,” she cooed, whilst she rested her head on your chest, and would press her face against your neck again in the best way possible, soothing you instantly, “I get why you did it, d-don’t apologise - just - just know that I’m never gonna let anything like what happened yesterday ever happen again; I - I can’t live without you again, it - it was painful last time, a-and I honestly can’t imagine my life without you in it - it terrifies me, but - as long as you’re with me, I’m happy, and I always will be, I promise.”

“I’m glad,” you managed, before wincing; your lungs were paining you a bit again, and Rose would frown, guessing that you were in pain.

“Do you want me to move-?” She inquired, and you would shake your head hastily, surprising her whilst she appeared uncertain, and worried that maybe she was the reason why something appeared to be paining you. “Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable,” she pried, and you would nod, desperate for her to continue holding you like she currently was.

“Don’t worry, Rose,” you managed, “I’m okay; I d-don’t feel any pain, at all, I promise; I’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I hope so,” she mused, “get some rest for me, Bassey, a-and we’ll see.”

You would then appear nervous, and she couldn’t help, but beam lovingly up at you, finding your current demeanour adorable, and you couldn’t help, but seem flustered whilst you began to blush, prompting her to smirk in response to your reaction. “Will - Will you stay-?” You asked, and she would appear surprised by your question, as well as flattered to find that you wanted her to stay.

“For as long as you want me to,” she cooed, and you would smile softly back at her, before nodding, and resting your head comfortably back on the pillow whilst she stroked your hair using her right hand again to soothe you.

“Goodnight, my beloved Louisiana Rose,” you whispered, and she would appear flustered, before smiling, and taking out the ring you’d returned to her so she could slowly and carefully slide it back onto your wedding finger, and your smile would instantly grow a little upon feeling it back on your finger, where it should be.

“Goodnight, my beloved Y/n L/n,” she returned, and you would then hesitantly allow your eyelids to flutter shut, though you wished you could spend awake every second of every day with her, before gradually beginning to drift off to sleep alongside her, but - like you had been a lot recently - you would shortly after find yourself stuck in yet another nightmare, only to wake up feeling as if you’d lost everything again.

•

In this very nightmare, you would find yourself watching Rose and Joel together after they’d found out that she was pregnant with his child, and you would falter upon noticing him wrapping his arms around her waist to affectionately feel the growing baby bump, prompting your heart to sink; you couldn’t stand seeing them together, especially after what had happened, recently, with them being married, and hooking up the night before. “Rose,” you whispered shakily, but it was like she couldn’t hear you; like you weren’t there. She wouldn’t even look at you, though you were now stood before them both after you’d rushed up to them, tears streaming down your cheeks; it was like you didn’t exist anymore. “Rose-? I’m here, why - why aren’t you looking at me?” You questioned, desperate for her to acknowledge you, but she would go on ignoring you, or not seeing you, as if you were invisible, prompting your heart to begin aching excruciatingly.

“She would have wanted this for us, Louisiana,” Joel spoke up, and you would grimace up at him, whilst Rose nodded slowly, though she appeared not sure whilst her bottom lip trembled, and eyes would glisten; she was trying not to cry, as if something bad had recently happened, and you would appear terrified all of a sudden, putting two and two together - something had happened to you, and you could be dead, or on death’s door. “She would want me to take care of you, from now on, now that she can’t,” he added, and Rose would nod again, before staring down at her feet whilst she began to cry quietly, unable to hold it back anymore, and you would shake your head hastily upon hearing that she had begun to cry.

“Rose,” you whined, before inching closer to her, but you found you couldn’t wrap your arms around her - instead, both her and Joel would disappear, and you would find yourself stood in an intensely bright hallway. You would look around you, and assumed you were in a hospital, tensing up immediately upon hearing that Rose was feebly crying out for help nearby. “Rose-!” You cried, before running down the hallway toward a slightly ajar door, only to find that Rose had fallen quiet, and appeared pale - too pale, and weak. There was also the ringing out of an unwavering sound mimicking her heart, and your blood would instantly run cold. “No,” you whispered shakily, “Rose, no!” You would then rush up to her again, staggering whilst you did; your legs were failing you, and knees felt weak whilst your whole body felt numb, and an excruciating pain was radiating throughout your body. “Please,” you begged, your voice briefly trembling whilst you held her now cold left hand in your currently shaky right one, and would lift your left hand up to her right cheek, “Rose-.. d-don’t go - I need you; I can’t do this without you - I - I love you so much, please!” You would then lean forward to delicately connect your lips to her’s, but she would remain motionless whilst you began to cry, wrapping your arms around her, but you would soon end up waking up whilst you cried, and shook violently within her arms as if you had truly lost her, and were in pain again.

“Y/n,” Rose cooed shakily, “it’s okay - I’m here! L-Look at me! I’ve got you, and I’m always gonna be here for you, I promise; you’re okay now.”

Upon hearing her voice, you would express relief, before turning, and throwing your arms around her whilst you sobbed uncontrollably into her left shoulder, and would subconsciously cling to her as if you were terrified that she might disappear if you let go of her. “A-Are-.. Are nightmares keeping you awake, too?” You inquired, and Rose would frown, before shaking her head, surprising you.

“N-No, I just-.. I was thinking about yesterday,” she admitted, and you would falter, your heart aching excruciatingly again as soon as you recalled what had happened, “you didn’t tell me where you went, before you came back in the morning.” You would then appear puzzled, as if you didn’t remember, when you did - you somehow recalled every second of that night; you’d had a few drinks down at the bar, and on the way to the alleyway you’d used to sleep in, crossed a bridge, and found yourself a moment after submerged in water, willing yourself to drown, but before you could you would find yourself being pulled out of the water by someone you hadn’t been able to identify. “A-And it’s just been bothering me,” she mused, staring ahead of her whilst she recalled how Suki had briefly come into the room to tell Rose about how she’d had to save you, last night, from drowning, “d-do you wanna talk about it?”

“I.. I don’t remember what happened,” you claimed, and she would frown, a hurt look on her face; she felt awful, and hated that you were trying to protect her by trying to hide what had happened from her.

“R-Really? Don’t you remember anything about what happened, at all?” She pried, and you would shake your head whilst you tried to hide your face from her again. “Y/n,” she continued gently, as well as weakly whilst she found herself trying not to cry alongside you, “y-you know I love you, right? M-More than anything - a-and I’m so sorry for everything that happened, I-”

“I know,” you reassured her, whilst affectionately connecting your forehead to her’s to try and provide comfort to her, “d-don’t worry; nothing of what happened yesterday was your fault-”

Rose would scoff, before shaking her head whilst you appeared worried, wondering if she had somehow found out about your attempt at drowning yourself, somehow. “I think it is my fault when my girlfriend, a-and love of my life tries to kill herself for what - what I-.. what I did,” she expressed dejectedly, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and you would appear shocked, whilst more stray tears managed to escape your eyes, and to slowly trail down your cheeks.

“H-How did you-?” You mustered feebly, your voice cracking whilst you did, and Rose would draw in a shaky breath, before she bowed her head a little; she hated crying in front of you, knowing it would only upset you further to have you seeing her in this state.

“Suki,” she managed, “she - she told me-.. she saved you - I’m so sorry, Y/n, I - I shouldn’t have let it happen, I-”

“Rose-”

“I love you so much,” she continued, wishing she could go back in time to stop herself from hooking up with Joel again, “it’s only you for me, a-and I-.. I swear I’m never gonna let anything happen between me and Joel ever again, just - p-promise me that you’ll never - never try and take your life again, b-because I - I honestly can’t-..” She would then break down alongside you whilst she buried her face into the crook of your neck, uncontrollably sobbing whilst you tried to provide comfort to her by stroking her hair with your shaky right hand. “I can’t live without you, Y/n,” she concluded shakily, her voice close to a whisper, and you would begin to feel warm and fuzzy again, whilst you wondered how someone as perfect as her could ever love a supposed nobody like you.

“I’ll never do it again, I promise,” you tried to reassure her, “I love you too, Rose, a-and I could never live without you, either, I just.. I guess I just panicked when I saw the bridge, a-and I thought about you and h-how-.. how I thought that.. that maybe I’d.. lost you..”

She would realise, and a strained sob would manage to escape her lips whilst her heart felt as if it were sinking even lower, somehow. “You’ll never lose me,” she cooed, before lifting her right hand up to your left cheek, and you would instantly melt into her touch subconsciously, “it’s always gonna be you and me, Y/n, n-no matter what, I promise; I love you so much.” She would then lean forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, prompting you to feel warm and fuzzy again, as well as fluttery, and more content than you had ever been, before. “D-Do you think you could try and get some more sleep, or-?” She inquired, and you would shrug, not sure if you should, or even could; you were afraid of having yet another nightmare again, and also didn’t want to sleep if she found that she couldn’t, alongside you. “Then we can just lie here together,” she mused, and you would nod hastily, “a-and I’ll try and stay awake for as long as I can whilst you’re awake-”

“No,” you whined, and Rose would tilt her head partially, “if you’re tired, Rose, you - you should get some sleep; t-today’s been - been long, for both of us, and I don’t want you to feel as if you have to stay awake for me-”

“I know I don’t have to,” she remarked, before smirking up at you, “but - I want to, and you’re not gonna get me to change my mind - so just try and get some sleep for me, and I’ll be awake right here if you need me.”

You would smile faintly up at her, before nodding, and connecting your forehead to her’s again whilst you rested your head comfortably back onto the pillow beneath it. “Goodnight, Rose,” you whispered, and she would smile softly over at you whilst she played with your hair using her right hand.

“Goodnight, Bassey,” she returned, and you would hesitantly allow your eyelids to flutter shut again, whilst Rose would remain awake beside you for most of the night, wondering why you were still here with her like you currently were; why you hadn’t kicked her out after what had happened, but she would vow - toward the end of the night - to try harder for you; to try and make things better for you as much as she possibly could as she hated upsetting you, and wanted to do all that she could to try and make you happy again, before she allowed herself to begin to drift off to sleep alongside you with only thoughts of your and her new possible future together circling her mind blissfully; things were going to start looking up, somehow, and she was determined to make that happen.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️

[the-furies]

i really appreciated y'all's recommendations, kimya dawson is one of those artists where everything they produce becomes a favorite of mine. you don't need to worry about doubles, it's a non-issue for us.

my recommendations for today are: stiff competition by cheap trick for billy, prove my love by the violent femmes for steve, blister in the sun also by the violent femmes for your jonathan, and anthem by pansy division for eddie (their song fem in a black leather jacket was a contender because it sounds like a song about eddie, but anthem sounds like the one he'd have more fun singing).

!!!! OKAY COOL COOL COOL GLAD TO KNOW /POSITIVE bc we. Love doubles all of us do LMAO

And!!!!!!!!! All those song are SO fucking good!! Violent Femmes is definitely growing on us as a hyperfixation band, we're gonna have to sit down one day soon n listen to their whole discography goddamn

Stiff Competition is def going on Billy's playlist it is SO catchy and fun tbh, and both pansy division songs are also great!! our Mains listen to em every now n then we should also listen to their entire discography huh. Perhaps someday,,, When our brain lets us just Listen To Music All Day </3 Dunno when that'll be though lmao

Anyways here's our recs for today too!!:

Dead Rats - Against Me! (Eddie's suggestion)! Against Me has so many good songs but this one's always our go-to when we wanna listen to their shit idk why. Just very catchy sound-wise!

Anxiety Song - Human Petting Zoo (my suggestion)! Short sweet n too the point, I prefer the version on their self titled EP but the version off their album UFO is also very good, the EP ver is just,, much more Raw which I like a lot

Drown With Me - Porcupine Tree (Steve's suggestion)! Now thiiis is where our memory gets fuzzy. We don't recall if we suggested this one already, not gonna lie. We'll check in a lil bit though! As for the song itself, Steve really relates to this song source-wise. He remembers the whole uhh. Pool Incident™ happening to him too. It's helped him cope with that, but it's also just a Very good song by a Very good band in general—it's been one of our go-to songs for when we need to ground ourselves bc we find it super calming!

We're In This Together - Nine Inch Nails (Billy's suggestion)! This one is kinda cheating I suppose since it's a system-wide favourite /lighthearted. Billy likes to listen to this a lot when Max is around front too, nowadays they've got a really close friendship and I'm happy for them tbh. He likes dedicating songs to everyone that he's close to in-sys (as we all do honestly lmao) and he dedicates this one to Max especially!

BONUS 5TH ONE BECAUSE YOU MENTIONED 5 SONGS LMAO: This Song Is A Curse - Frank Iero!! Very silly but fun and has catchy guitars and lyrics, I adore this song it's just. Very fun!! i would 1000% put this on my Spotify playlist if it was fucking oN Spotify but alas! It isn't! </3 And despite it being written specifically for A Disney Movie Of All Goddamn Things, it's still. Relatable in a way to me! tl;dr: good song, Frank Put It On Spotify Immediately I Am Begging You,

-Jonathan

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

[braunbakery]

meet me at our spot (1)

☞ eren jaeger x reader [fem bodied] [chapter word count: 1.5k]

☞ sfw, fluff, mild angst, modern au, short fic, other characters present

fic plot: before high school, you and eren were best friends. after high school, you and eren are strangers still grasping at those same past threads.

inspired by meet me at our spot by the anxiety

next.

1. i’m not getting younger

it’s when you see eren have a small kickback after graduation through your bedroom window that you know you’re going to go back up to the treehouse.

it feels dumb that it had taken that long and it was that specific and pretty unsurprising straw that had led you to realise that, fuck, there is no small withering hope that maybe the two of you could go back to old times again.

there was something about the green and white graduation gowns sauntering around eren’s back yard that made your stomach turn, that made you realise that after middle school, small nods of acknowledgment and maybe a spare smile were all you were ever going to get from eren. even if you were neighbours or childhood friends or whatever string you thought would always remain between the two of you.

so you decide that night that you’re going to wake up the next morning and make the trip to the treehouse between your yards. you had stuff from years ago to get, and what better way to say goodbye to this part of your life than to pack it all up?

so why the fuck is it that at ten in the morning, after finally making your way up the dusty ass ladder to the treehouse, you’re met with eren bent in front of a box in the small wooden room and violently rummaging through it. you consider turning back around but he’s already craning his head back when he hears your heavy footsteps on the creaky floorboards.

“shit, hey,” he says, twisting his whole body to face you and standing upright. you don’t want to feel resentment towards him, but you can’t help it when he gives you a small smile like the two of you haven’t properly had a conversation since fucking middle school.

“hi…” you say carefully, “what are you doing here?”

eren laughs before he even makes a joke. you had forgotten that about him, “i mean, this is my treehouse too.”

“right.”

you don’t think you’ve stood in front of him for this long or this close in four years. and you knew he’d grown out his hair, so you don’t know why you can feel your eyes widening when you realise he has it tied up in a bun. eren cocks his head at you.

“you good?” he asks, pulling you straight out of your thoughts.

“right,” you repeat again, “well, i’ll just go then…” you start turning back around. childhood memory decluttering can wait.

“wait,” eren calls out to you and you freeze in place faster than you’d like to admit, “you don’t have to.”

“uh…”

“you’ve got stuff here too, right?” eren asks.

“yeah, i’m pretty sure anyway.”

you both shift awkwardly from one foot to the other.

“so you gonna get it?” eren cuts through the thick silence.

you blurt out a hurried ‘oh yeah’ and shuffle towards the side of the room he stands on, walking past him and crouching down to the same set of boxes he was rummaging through when he walked in. your hands freeze when crouches down next to you and his knee accidentally knocks into yours. what are you expecting? this place is tiny. you know this and you know that he’s just here to kill time probably.

you pretend to be intently looking for nothing in particular, sifting through scrap books and drawings and home-made keychains (and a box of dried paints and play dough? alright then.) maybe eren will get up and leave with whatever it is he wanted and you can be left in peace.

for someone who had spend the last couple of years wondering when he would speak to you again, you sure were in a hurry to get rid of him.

it’s just…awkward. and you’d rather avoid awkward.

“hey,” eren says, nudging your arm with his elbow. his touch makes you immediately jerk your head towards him, heart pounding, “check this out.”

before you can say anything eren is passing you a dusty photo album, his fingers slightly brushing over yours when he pushes it into your arms. you open the first page and there you and eren are, hanging off of the same tree you sit on now eight years earlier.

“i completely forgot about this,” you say quietly, flipping through more and more pages of you and eren and other people the two of you played with.

“yeah,” eren laughs curtly and you can feel his gaze on you. you can feel him watching you flick from picture to picture, and you think that this is starting to seem a lot more like before high school, “pretty sure we insisted we keep it here.”

“you sure that wasn’t just you?” you look up at him grinning and you’re so acutely aware of the way your nerves are starting to trickle away from you and for some reason you’re relieved.

“hey,” eren feigns offense, snatching the photo album up from your hands, “you used to be just as bad as me before you became all goodie two shoes in middle school.”

you laugh at his defensiveness, grabbing the photo album in his hands and attempting to pull it back to your lap, “i think that’s called growing up, eren.”

eren’s grip doesn’t relent, so you pull harder and harder at the photo album. his eyes look straight at you, teeth gleaming with that same cheshire cat smile from when he was a kid.

“you can do better than that,” eren teases when you fail to loosen his grasp on the album.

“fuck you,” you say, donning the same grin as him as you give the photo album one final pull. and suddenly eren’s grip is completely gone and you’re being sent backwards until your head hits the floorboards and you’re staring at the ceilings. you only realise eren has scrambled on top of you when his eyes enter your vision.

“shit,” eren exclaims, grabbing your upper arms in an attempt to pull you back upright, “sorry, i didn’t think you’d go fucking flying back.”

as eren pulls you back up the stray pieces of hair at the front of his head lightly brush against your face and you recoil at the tickling sensation. eren laughs at you.

“your hair is too fucking long,” you comment when you’re sitting back upright across from eren.

“oh really?” eren raises a brow, “there go my rapunzel plans.”

“yeah, yeah,” you roll your eyes at him and try to ignore the way your heart races when he chuckles again.

bzz bzz bzz

both of your eyes dart down to eren’s glowing pocket, and he immediately fishes out his phone and puts it up to his ear.

“hello?” eren speaks to the person at the other end of the phone. you watch him carefully, mentally tracing out all the new scars and bruises and wrinkles that mark his face now that hadn’t before. his brows are bushier, his under eyes slightly darker, and you think you can make out a hint of stubble. for some reason it just makes the feeling of loss that had always dawned upon you whenever you walked past his house, or past his lunch table, or past him come back to you.

why are you hoping you see him again after this? it’s over now. you both have your own lives. you’re both off to college after this summer. 4 years don’t disappear just like that.

“yeah, i’ll be there soon,” eren says before hanging up the phone and shoving it back in his pocket. he gets up off of the floor of the treehouse, looking down at you with an apologetic smile. why is he sorry? he doesn’t owe you anything. you don’t want him to owe you, you want him to want to hang out with you out of his own accord, “i’ve gotta head out.”

“yeah, see you then.”

“you staying here?”

“yeah.”

eren nods his head at you before making his way towards the ladder outside the treehouse. you can hear the creaks of the first few steps.

“hey!” eren calls out, and your head is jerking up again, meeting his eyes as he begins his descent down the ladder, “i’ll see you around, yeah?”

you smile and nod, “yeah.”

the disappointment sets in when you see him walk back towards his house. you wait until you hear him start his car engine and watch him pull out of his driveway ‘til you climb back down and make your way back inside your house.

you wanna say that this sucks because you were only just starting to get over the loss of one of your best friends. and then you had to see him and laugh with him and talk to him.

but you know that the truth is that it just cruelly reminds you of how you’re very much still not over it at all.

taglist;

@sashabrausbrainrot , @saramelcky , @chawyn , @xadist , @dai-tsukki-desu , @queen-flower

reply to this post to join the taglist!

[captainsimagines]

traitor

Summary: It was only one night, no strings attached, just two friends working through their grief together. Steve went to live his life with Peggy and within two weeks of returning, he peacefully passed. Unimaginable things happen everyday, jokes have negative consequences, and protection doesn’t always protect from the possibility… the possibility of carrying a child. He would have stayed if he knew, everyone agrees with this, so why is the world calling Steve Rogers a traitor?

One-Shot (with a happy ending)

Pairing(s): Avengers x Fem Reader; brief Steve Rogers x Fem Reader

Warnings: Unexpected pregnancy; serious talks about abortion; brief mention of suicide (if you squint); mentions of Endgame deaths; strong language; minor descriptions of actual birth; ANGST but with a happy ending! This is purely fanfiction. 

Word Count: 6,600+

A/N: So, Olivia Rodrigo’s album just came out and dude, jfc every song is magical. like... wtf. This is essentially a ‘song fanfic’, but ehhhh not quite. The lyrics don’t match the fanfic lmao but the melody does??? idk this is a shit ton of angst, be warned. It was from a request I got a while back, so this is kind of a request fanfic. 

~

Up until the moment Steve pressed his soft lips to yours, you were certain you had never experienced such a wonderful sensation of magic. You had been witness to actual magic, to beings from other worlds, and yet Steve’s gentle touch was enough to erase any other image, to completely overpower your senses, a kind of magic that dug deep into the trenches of your heart and settled in its new home. 

No, you and Steve were not a couple. There were some flirty remarks over the years, some fantasies that lay dormant, but there was never the craving to actually act upon them. But when half the world disappeared and the remaining Avengers came up with a plan five years later, the loss of a teammate prompted the sudden push of two touch-starved individuals. The rest of the team had gone to sulk in their own corners of the compound, some hard at work at constructing the final piece to the puzzle, and you and Steve ventured off to the kitchen. Two cups of tea each, silent but heavy tears mixing in with the sugar and milk. 

You were the first to break, shoulders crumbling and knees rocking under your weight. You fell to the floor, sobs and hiccups forming into a full-blown attack, your hands scratching at your neck. Steve fell beside you, pulling you into his chest and rocking you back and forth. He cried too, the final words of his best friend ringing in his ears like a dreaded song on repeat. See you in a minute. See you in a minute. See you in a minute. 

Time was irrelevant, you had enough of counting time, estimating it, time-traveling through it. If you could sit there all night, all week, another five years huddled close to Steve Rogers, then so be it. 

‘I can’t believe she’s gone,’ you had sobbed. 

‘I can’t believe it either. I can’t,’ he had cried back. 

You had simply lifted your head and turned his face toward yours, searching his eyes for any hesitation before you had leaned in first. He had returned the intimate gesture almost immediately, gripping you tightly. Tears dripped in between your moving lips, sobs caught inside breathy moans, grips becoming tighter and tighter as each of you shared your first time together. No other partner up until that point had ever pulled such a pained but grateful cry from your throat, no other human being had ever made you feel so safe and peaceful. 

The final battle was over, you had lost yet another teammate, but the world had a chance to start over. And Steve had pulled you aside a few days before he returned the stones, letting you know that he wasn’t coming back the same man. He had been so scared of telling you, of possibly betraying you, but when your palms cupped his cheeks and you gave him a kiss on the lips with a soft whisper of ‘Be with her. Cherish her. Be happy. We’ll meet again’, his worries instantly shattered. He could only rapidly nod his head, grabbing your hands that were soaked in his tears, and kissing them until he said his final goodbyes. 

And he returned such a different man, but with a smile you had never quite seen before. Yes, he was older and you only had a few seconds to actually process that, but he was happy. He had been happy. He finally lived the life he deserved. 

Sitting in that pew two weeks later, both sad and happy tears streaming down your face, you felt at peace for the first time in a long time. You simply gripped Wanda’s hand as they carried the casket down the aisle, a sad melody drowning the church. 

`

The first round of sickness hit you the day of the funeral, but you obviously didn’t think much of it. It was the fits of sadness and grief, the hot coil in the middle of your stomach, you thought. It had to be. It wasn’t until your breakfast was regurgitated into your toilet only a few minutes after enjoying it that you were suddenly worried. 

You sneaked to some liquor store a subway ride away, careful of not leaving a trail. This was embarrassing, it was insane, it couldn’t possibly be real. You gave the cashier your money and ran to the stall provided, peeing on the stick the best you could before placing it on the dirty sink in the corner. You patted your hands on your thighs repeatedly, careful to not touch any other thing in a goddamn liquor store bathroom. 

‘Friday?’ your voice was so defeated, tears already stinging your eyes.

Your little bluetooth sprang to life, ‘Yes, Y/N?’

Your bottom lip was trembling wildly, hands now shaking. ‘Can you stay active with me while I read the results? I can’t… I can’t be alone right now.’

‘Yes, Y/N. Anything you need, I’m here.’ You sobbed openly, thanking her under your breath. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to contact anybody else?’

‘I can’t face them. I can’t face them if it’s positive, Friday.’

‘Okay, it’s alright,’ her voice was so delicate, so quiet and reassuring. ‘Just keep talking to me, Y/N. I think the results should be ready now.’

You inched closer to the test. ‘I’m scared, Friday.’

‘I know,’ Friday sighed, ‘But you will get through this. No matter the result.’

Grabbing the small device from the sink, you swallowed so much saliva that it actually hurt. The plus sign was so clear, so evident in its visibility, and your ears only registered the loud cries escaping your painful lungs because Friday was practically yelling in your ear. 

‘Please, calm down Y/N! Your heart rate is too fast-” she was stuttering, an AI was stuttering. ‘I’m calling for help. You need someone to be here with you. I’m sorry.’

It took ten minutes. Ten minutes of banging outside the bathroom door from the cashier, ten minutes of blurry vision and a strep throat. Sam broke through the door as quickly as he could, eyes flying around the small bathroom until he saw you huddled in the corner, a pregnancy test clutched in your small hand. He crouched down beside you, hands extended but not exactly touching you, and eyes trying to lock with yours. 

‘Y/N, Y/N?’

Just the sound of his voice, the voice of someone who didn’t need this added pain in their lives, it was just too much. Another weight added to your shoulders. 

‘I don’t know why,’ you choked out, ‘I’m so sorry.’

Sam’s face contorted into a pained expression, eyes brimmed with salty tears. ‘What are you talking about? No one is blaming you for anything. You’re safe, I’m here.’

You shook your head violently, ‘I didn’t mean to.’

But as quickly as those words left your mouth, the pounding in your head had become too unbearable. You collapsed into Sam’s arms. 

`

You woke to a single doctor who was monitoring your vitals. She was just sitting beside your bed, clicking random buttons on the screen in front of her. You whimpered slightly, the bright lights temporarily blinding you. The doctor quickly stopped what she was doing and removed the tube from your nose, allowing you to breathe on your own. You ignored the weird scratch that caused, and asked her the question you needed to have answered by a true medical professional - not a liquor store device. 

She confirmed what you already knew. There were no ‘congratulations’ or even ‘I’m sorry’s’, just the fact that you were pregnant and it was very early on. There were still options for you, it was healthy so far, you were healthy so far- 

Wait, options? 

The team were all huddled outside, nerves all over the place. They didn’t know what was going on. Sam knew but it wasn’t his information to pass on. It wasn’t until Bucky’s angry demeanor actually turned violent, a hole forming through the hospital wall. You were all on a private floor, completely displaced from the reality down on other levels, so any freak-outs were only slightly justified. Slightly. 

‘Sam, you gotta tell us. I made a promise to Steve, Sam! I promised to take care of her!’

Bucky’s words gripped Sam’s heart in a metaphorical vice. ‘She’s gotta tell you guys, man. It’s not my place.’

You had curled in on yourself, the doctor’s words echoing louder and louder. 

‘Abortion is an option. At this rate, it would be quick and safe. I can promise you that. It’s your choice.’

You wanted to die. You wanted the world to swallow you up and bury you alive. You wanted to disappear. If you had died in the snap, this wouldn’t have happened. It wouldn’t have happened. 

The ride back to the compound was a quiet one, with Sam driving you and the radio on low volume. 

‘Are you going to tell them?’

You bit your lip, ‘The doctor said I had options.’

Sam’s breath hitched and he tried to mask it, but you had heard it. You felt guilty, disgusting, like you betrayed Steve and the rest of the team. They had just lost him, you had just lost him, and you were carrying his child. And if Steve would have known, he would have wanted it. He would have encouraged you to have it, he would have been so happy, he would have been such a great fa-

‘The choice is yours, Y/N.’ He glanced over at you, ‘Can you at least tell me who the father is?’

The wrecked sobs were like second nature now, choking you with their strength. ‘I’m so sorry!’

Sam pulled to the side of the road and quickly took off his seatbelt, sliding over in the connected front seats to pull you into his chest. ‘Shh, hey. We are not going to be mad at you. Everything’s going to be okay. It may not seem like it now but-’

‘Sam!’ you cried, clutching his shirt in a tight fist. ‘I swear it was an accident! Steve didn’t know! He didn’t know, I swear he didn’t know!’

Sam’s mouth dropped open, an almost embarrassing noise of surprise sounding from the depths of his soul. He ran his hands through your hair, eyes rapidly searching for a single viewpoint. But he couldn’t focus on any one thing, not when you were shuddering against him and apologizing nonstop. 

Steve didn’t know. 

`

The team had reacted in a similar manner. They so desperately wanted to wish you a congratulations, it was the norm for this kind of thing. Especially with such a rough few years - bringing life into this world could be considered an ultimate blessing. But this was Steve’s child, his baby, his only baby in this timeline. It was a part of him, something he had unknowingly left behind. 

The team took a few days. The pain of losing Natasha, of losing Steve, of losing Tony. The gift of life. It was just too much. 

And you found yourself in front of Wanda’s bedroom door, hands clutching your night robe closed and knees wobbly. She brought you tea, she laid underneath the covers with you, she spooned you until you stopped crying. 

‘We weren’t together.’

‘You weren’t?’

You sat up, muscles straining due to your thousandth crying session that week. ‘No, it was one time. It was a mutual thing. We just… felt safe. And we made love.’

Wanda shut her eyes briefly, only to open them for two parallel tears to slip. ‘That sounds beautiful.’

‘We used protection. It really was an accident.’

Wanda interrupted, ‘No, don’t try and justify yourself. It happened. It’s done.’

You whimpered, reaching out to grab her hands. ‘I feel so guilty for even talking to you. I don’t know how you did it. I’m so selfish to be pouring all this on you-’

‘Hey, hey,’ she whispered, ‘But I am the only one who can truly understand. I have lost more in my lifetime than anybody ever should. But I am going to help you get through this, Y/N.’

You pulled her into a hug, ‘I missed you so much. I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this.’

Wanda slowly pulled away, eyes cloudy and touch of red twinge flying in her irises. ‘Alright. I won’t leave your side. No matter what you decide.’

` 

The chair was cold, the room was cold, no matter how inviting the hospital tried to make this room. It was decorated in the most neutral colors, so delicate in its designs, pamphlets and books scattered on every available surface. It was made to make the pregnant person feel secure, to feel comfortable in the hands of their doctor, but it just made you sick. 

And when the doctor asked if you would like an ultrasound first, that it wasn’t actually necessary for you to view it, you found yourself saying yes. You were at six weeks, it would be there. Wanda clenched her eyes shut, because even if you were strong enough to do that, she wasn’t. But she was here to hold your hand. She would hold your hand no matter what. 

It was the size of a grain of rice. That fuzzy, white figure off a little to the right of your uterus was the size of a grain. A literal grain of rice. The monitor shifted and the doctor cleared their throat, the slimy device absentmindedly being circled around your lower abdomen. 

‘Oh my god,’ you whispered, eyes locked on the place the doctor had their finger. Wanda brought her hand up to her mouth and looked away. 

That’s when you heard it. 

The steady rhythm of a strong heartbeat. 

Your chest started heaving, tears staining your cheeks as you listened to the beautiful sound. 

‘I’m so sorry,’ the doctor mumbled, ready to pull the monitor’s plug to end the live video but you gripped their arm before they could. 

‘No, no!’ you yelped, the heartbeat still sounding, so early in its actual life that this was for sure Steve’s child. 

You turned to Wanda, face contorting into one of agonizing regret. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do this to Steve.’

Wanda gulped and took in a ragged breath, ‘Y/N, Steve’s not here.’

‘No,’ you whined, head turning back to look at the monitor. The monitor with yours and Steve’s child on it. ‘This is the only real part of him we have left, right?’

Wanda opened her mouth but shut it again, unable to formulate a proper response. 

‘This is Steve’s child,’ you stated, sucking in a breath through your sobs. ‘This is my child.’

` 

The team was alerted of your decision the minute you walked into the common room. They had known what you left for, dread itching in their souls and morals twisting greedily, but they hadn’t stopped you. They couldn’t do that to you. 

‘Hi,’ you mumbled, placing your things on the counter. Everyone kept their heads down, lumps growing in their throats as each second passed. ‘I’m okay.’

Clint was the first one to speak. ‘Did everything go well? Did they hurt you?’

You smiled with your teeth for the first time in weeks, ‘No, they didn’t hurt me. They didn’t even touch me.’

For a few seconds, no one caught on to your words. But Bucky was the first to register them, to etch them deeply into his brain, to stand from his seat and walk to you cautiously. ‘You decided-?’

You smiled wide now, happy tears falling over your strained cheeks. ‘I’m having a baby.’

The team erupted, cries and cheers deafening you. Bucky stumbled over and hugged you close, arms wrapped over your shoulders and face buried in your neck. He had to bend his knees to keep that position. He weeped into your shoulder and thanked you repeatedly, his own body rumbling with broken sobs. You held him close, fingers digging into his shirt and the skin of his back. 

‘We promise, Y/N,’ Sam said off to the side, waiting for his turn to hug you. ‘We promise to take care of you and this baby.’

A few more long-awaited congratulations were shared. ‘Guess I’m on desk duty for the next nine months, huh?’

Bucky held you tighter. 

`

The first four months were certainly eventful. Wanda insisted on taking pictures of you every few weeks. She had you model with a nice tight shirt to show off your growing stomach, different props in your arms as the weeks passed on.  Flowers, sporting equipment, random Avengers inventions, signs that read the number of weeks you were at. You even did couple shoots, with your teammates posing behind you with their hands on your stomach and an equally bright smile.

She had them printed out and framed, the compound common rooms now littered with random photos of you and your growing child. It was like a timeline, a museum considering you would catch someone inspecting the photographs. This time it was Scott, casually eating his cereal and balancing it in his hand as he walked the hallway. He had this silly smile on his face the whole time, milk dripping from his bottom lip. In his photo, he was posed behind you with a giant smile, back arched and head thrown back while you were trying your best to arch your back as well. And then he saw you watching him, eyes falling from your face to your stomach, and that silly smile growing wider. 

Happy insisted on doing yoga with you every other morning, his chosen playlists actually Tony’s. Half expecting the songs to only emit the essence of rock and roll, you were surprised when the playlist only contained acoustics. Happy winked at you, ‘He was a man of taste, Y/N. He, too, had those sad driving songs.’

Peter was hesitant to visit at first. He was still mourning Tony, as you all were, and seeing everyone again was certainly a hard thing to do. But he managed, and the moment he saw you there, trying to balance a plastic bottle on your tiny stomach, he burst into a fit of giggles. 

‘Oh, oh! I almost got it!’ you encouraged yourself, stomach not yet protruded enough to quite get it. 

Peter rushed over and caught the bottle as it slipped, ‘You’ll get there. How do you feel?’

You grinned at the kid, ‘Like I’m pregnant.’

Peter chuckled, ‘I wouldn’t know, so.’

‘It’s weird,’ you admitted, turning back to your abandoned bowl of fruit. You popped a piece of pineapple in your mouth, ‘But I just remind myself that they’re gonna be an angel when they come out.’

‘All slimy and angelic.’

You swatted at Peter, ‘They’re healthy. That’s all that matters.’

Peter placed his hand on your stomach, half-expecting something to happen. ‘I can’t believe you’re having his baby.’

You bit your lip, willing yourself not to cry. Steve should be here experiencing this. ‘Me neither.’

`

The next month had come so quickly. Your friends - your family - made sure to keep you occupied. Whether it was to shop, to nap together, to eat together, to exercise together, anything, they were by your side. It was so overwhelming at times, but not wanting to scare anyone, you took time for yourself whenever you could. You’d settle in your room, in a nearby cafe, in Natasha’s room, and just sit and breathe. With one hand on your stomach, you couldn’t possibly fathom the luck on your side. It always tore your heart in two when you realized Steve would never meet his child, absolutely mutilated it. But the realization that this child was going to have such a massive family, your family, uncles and aunts who would die for the kid - that realization was sometimes too much. 

The thunder from outside startled everyone. The quiet night everyone was having was suddenly interrupted by the appearance of a certain god, hair now cut and beard trimmed, running into the common area. He was practically hyperventilating, his quick pace halting as he scanned the room. ‘Is it true?’

‘You got my message?’ Wanda asked, shutting off the water from the sink. 

‘I’m sorry, I was away. I just got the message and-’

Thor lay his eyes on you, your obvious stomach, and he started crying softly. ‘It’s true?’

You smiled at him, opening your arms for an embrace. But Thor fell to his knees in front of you, forehead resting on your stomach. ‘This is a miracle.’

‘It really is,’ you laughed, wiping away a few stray tears. ‘The condom broke.’

Laughter sounded almost instantly. 

Thor looked up at you, eyes red and eyebrows furrowed. ‘He didn’t know?’

You shook your head, ‘No, Steve didn’t know. I promise.’

Thor nodded, believing you. He stood slowly, encasing you in a tight squeeze. He hadn’t changed much since you last saw him, but he did seem to be drinking less. ‘After so much loss, the Heaven’s send us a gift from a beloved friend.’

`

Bucky seemed to be the happiest. Although he shared your beliefs that Steve should be here to experience this, to cherish this, to be the father he had deserved to be, Bucky couldn’t help but feel grateful that you decided to keep the baby. He knew he needed to stop relying on Steve to fix his mind, this he had to do on his own, but the bundle of joy inside of you just added to his undying love for his best friend. This was a piece of him, a true half of Steve’s heart that would soon be breathing air and opening its eyes. 

He was currently laying beside you, just woken up from a nap and lazily drawing circles over your clothed tummy. You were still asleep, deep breaths a little ragged since you were twisted slightly to your side. You had given up trying to sleep on your back nowadays. 

‘Hey there,’ Bucky whispered, a funny smile forming on his face because he can’t believe he’s talking to your literal stomach. ‘You know you’re a miracle, right?’

There was no response, obviously. But Bucky just positioned himself to lean on his elbow, temple resting in the palm of his hand. ‘We’re going to love you so much. Steve would have loved you so much.’

He placed his metal hand on your stomach, careful not to apply so much pressure. He was hesitant though, the metal hand now from Wakanda but still something he didn’t entirely trust. Still, he rubbed smooth circles on your side. ‘I already love you so much.’

Kick.

Bucky widened his eyes, a hitch in his breath. Was that real?

‘Did you just respond to me?’ Bucky asked, a little laugh escaping his lips. ‘Should I say it again?’

Nothing happened for a long while. He switched hands, rubbing a little deeper now. It was a free massage for you, anyway. 

Bucky bit his lip and looked up at your face, still peacefully dreaming. He leaned closer to your stomach and repeated his earlier confession. ‘I love you.’

Kick. 

Bucky shot up from his spot on the bed and covered his mouth, a loud laugh accidentally escaping and startling you awake. 

‘W-What?’

‘They kicked! They kicked!’

‘Seriously?’

Bucky was shooting through the stars, because even though it was a long shot, he felt like somehow Steve was telling him he loved him back. 

`

Sam’s leg bounced madly as he watched the doctor slick up the generator. You repeatedly tried to calm him, tell him that it would be quick and simple, and there was nothing to be worried about. 

You were six months now. Belly now protruding to the point where you could only see the tips of your toes when you glanced downward, and the baby was positioned farther into your back. If anything, you were having a giant freaking baby. He was a product of a super soldier. 

You remembered having that scary conversation with the doctors, your whole family beside you as they heard and relayed the information. 

‘Your baby is perfectly healthy. The serum isn’t affecting it. His lungs are forming less quickly than the other organs but there’s no serious worry.’

Bucky had literally cackled at that, confusing everyone in the room. ‘Steve and his shit lungs.’

But now you were finding out the sex. Only one person was allowed in the room this time, and Sam had literally begged you with his eyes to choose him. 

‘Are you two ready?’

You each nodded at the doctor, waiting for the monitor to spring to life. After a few seconds, the heartbeat was detected. You gripped Sam’s hand in yours, a quiet ‘thank god’ passing through his lips. 

Then the giant image of a literal baby appeared on the screen. It was so surreal. It resembled a quick sketch, like one Steve would have casually drew, and you couldn’t help but imagine him drawing that very image from memory. 

‘Y/N, I-’ Sam cleared his throat, smiling at you. 

‘Would you like to know the sex of the baby?’

‘Yes, please,’ you answered, gripping Sam’s hand harder. 

The doctor moved the generator a few times more, hitting the spacebar on the computer to capture the image. ‘Congratulations, you’re having a boy.’

You shuttered a tiny laugh as Sam flew out of his seat, arms extended upward for a moment before he brought his hands down to kiss them over and over. 

‘I’ll print this out for you,’ the doctor smiled, leaving you and Sam to celebrate. 

`

Everyone had gathered later that night to find out the news. You had printed enough copies for everyone who wanted one. Bets were placed, a multitude of gifts already mounted in online shopping carts. 

‘Don’t keep us waiting!’ Rhodey shouted, champagne bottle at the ready and propped up on his thigh for when you made your announcement. 

Sam was standing beside you, a massive grin plastered on his face. You rolled your eyes at him and urged him on, telling him that you were fine with him saying it. Sam didn’t need to be told twice. 

‘It’s a boy!’

Pop! Drinks were poured and hugs were shared, with even Friday coming over the monitor to congratulate you. 

Even in the midst of all the excitement, you felt a little empty. But you enjoyed your pre-baby shower, happy that everything was so unbelievably working out. 

It was midnight when you alerted Friday to call Happy to your room. You needed a ride. 

Happy was slightly irritated at being woken up, but once you told him where you were heading, he obliged. The ride was silent, comfortable, with Happy glancing at you once in a while to make sure you were okay. 

You walked across the grass slowly, hands resting on your stomach and just a little waddle in your walk. You flashed your phone light over the headstones even though the headstone you were looking for was in a secluded area. Happy trailed you, keeping a respectable distance. 

You stopped in front of the small building, the fence somewhat blocking your path. But there was no security around, and even if you were caught on camera, your face let everyone know who you were and your connection to Steve. You had no worries. 

You broke the lock easily and opened the door. It was almost entirely marble, a good deal of Steve’s actual aesthetic. So simple, not overly patriotic, and secluded. He had refused to be buried in Arlington. 

You sat on the bench provided, the three names in front of you standing out like they were begging to be read out loud. So you complied. 

‘Sarah,’ you muttered, smiling as the name rolled off your tongue. ‘Thank you for sending everyone a literal angel.’

You muttered his father’s name as well, but felt no personal connection to it. You spent at least ten minutes building up the courage to utter his name, to say his name in front of him again. He was buried right underneath your feet, his name the only thing for you to see. 

‘Steve,’ you sighed and rubbed your stomach. ‘Steve.’

You sobbed silently and watched as the tears fell on top of your resting hands. ‘I don’t regret it.’

You were met with silence. ‘I don’t regret any of it. God knows why he did this. But you lived your life, and I just can’t believe I have to bring life into this world without you here.’

‘It’s a boy, Steve. A lovely little boy.’

You brought your hand up to your mouth to bite the side of it, throat clenching. ‘Everyone is so happy. I am, too. I promise you.’

You lowered your hand back to your stomach. ‘I just wish that you could feel that happiness.’

The moonlight moved slightly, shining on his name brighter now. ‘He’ll know about you, don’t worry about that.’ You laughed. 

You didn’t want to keep Happy waiting. You stood from the bench slowly, feet sore. You walked closer to him, wishing you could easily bend down and give him a kiss. But you physically couldn’t right now, so you blew him one instead. ‘Thank you.’

`

Somehow the rumor got out that an Avenger was pregnant. And when Wanda was seen outside without a large stomach, all fingers were pointed at you. 

The news went ballistic, most positive and raving, while others pondered just who had gotten you pregnant. You had been seen with everyone in paparazzi photos, so no actual conclusion had been made. 

Until a picture of you at Steve’s gravesite was leaked. 

It was constant bombardment, timelines were stitched together, magazines and their headlines were having a field day. Rhodey had tried to cancel these news stories, to threaten lawsuits, but to no avail. The world was now cursing Steve’s name - ‘how dare he leave her while pregnant?’, ‘how could he leave her pregnant and for another woman?’, ‘did he even know?’

The team had done everything in their power to try and clear yours and Steve’s name, but no one was having it. Steve’s love story was now tarnished, with many calling him a traitor and a deadbeat. It was no use. 

You struggled to climb the stairs, inwardly cursing the staff for not installing a ramp instead. The flashes were blinding, the lights were hot, and the various microphones placed on the stand were comical. 

Everyone hushed, looks of sympathy and pity slapping you in the face. 

‘I know what you’re all thinking and what you’ve all been saying,’ you started, eyes wandering to the far corner of the room where your team were huddled. ‘But I need to clear a few things up.’

‘Steve didn’t know.’

The crowd erupted, questions flying at you like fast bullets. They were silenced after a few moments. ‘We shared a moment with each other before we brought everyone back. I didn’t know I was pregnant until after his funeral.’

The crowd murmured amongst each other. ‘He told me he was planning to stay in another timeline. To live his life. I encouraged him. He did not leave me alone and pregnant. He truly didn’t know.’

You finished, they didn’t deserve a deeper explanation. You ignored their calls for questions, some even trying to crowd you at the doors. But you pushed through them, cradling your stomach with a newfound sense of pride. 

`

It was time. 

You sat up in your bed and quickly wiped away the hard crusts from the corners of your eyes. You sat there for a few seconds before you felt another harsh twinge. ‘A-ah!’

You didn’t know why you paused, legs now thrown over the side of the bed. They felt like menstrual cramps, it could be false labor. You let out a heavy breath and pushed yourself up, legs wobbly. But the moment you did, it was like something snapped. Your legs were wet and a tiny puddle had started forming on the floor. 

‘Friday!’

The lights in your room turned on immediately, ‘Y/N, is it time?’

You moaned at the uncomfortable cramping, ‘Yeah, I think it is.’

‘I’m waking and alerting the team right now, Y/N. Sit back down, please.’

You listened to Friday, sitting at the edge of your bed for a few moments before you realized you had to pack a bag. You shuffled across your room and grabbed the duffel bag Scott had left for you a few days ago. You packed a pair of socks, sweats, underwear, vaseline and your toothbrush, hairbrush, and phone. You zipped your bag just in time for both Bucky and Sam to throw open your door, Sam struggling to put his shoes on and Bucky slipping on a jacket inside-out. 

‘Y/N, is it really time? Are you ready? Are you okay?’

You ignored the cramping in your back and laughed at them, ‘Yes! My water broke, I’m in pain, it’s time.’

With both Sam and Bucky at your sides, they held onto you as you all stumbled down the hallway. Thor was already waiting with the elevator open, the biggest smile on his aging face. 

‘Wanda and Bruce are preparing the room. Scott already called the doctor. Clint’s in route,’ Bucky reassured. The three men huddled into the elevator with you, all instructing you to breathe and to squeeze them if you needed to. 

But even though you were in pain, albeit not as extreme as it was going to inevitably get, you were so incredibly happy. They were all so loud, so chaotic, and you were as calm as a cucumber. 

The elevator dinged. ‘Good luck, Y/N,’ you heard Friday call after you. You pinched your eyes closed, the thought that Friday was ultimately a part of Tony’s consciousness - Tony was wishing you good luck. 

The pressure in your hips was starting to build and you didn’t know how long this would actually take. Some people had quick births, some people lay in labor for hours, some for a day. But it seemed like this was going to be pretty quick, because your next scream was completely involuntarily. 

Bucky winced, leading you to the bed Wanda had just lay sheets on. ‘You’re doing great, Y/N. Absolutely perfect.’

You laughed at Bucky and gripped his hand in silent thanks before slipping into the bed and trying to get comfortable. Before you could truly feel like you made it, like the first hard step was done, you sat up quickly. 

‘Wait, wait! Nat’s sweater! I was gonna wear Nat’s sweater!’

Thor was already out the door, ‘I’ll get it! Don’t worry!’

You smiled at the ceiling, beads of sweat now rolling down your forehead. ‘Oh, this hurts!’

It was an hour. Once you shimmied into Natasha’s purple knitted sweater, you lay there trying to control your breathing. Everyone had piled into the room one right after the other. The room was big enough, spacious enough for even Bruce to roam freely. Although you were in an immense amount of pain, you still focused on your team. 

Scott was on his third cup of coffee, sipping excitedly as he conversed with the others. Bruce was constantly checking your vitals and wanting everything the doctor was saying repeated. Wanda was beside you, a hand gripping yours and the other running ice chips along your lips. Bucky was on your other bedside wearing one of Steve’s sweatshirts because it still smelled like him. His logic was that if he was wearing something of Steve’s the first moment he held your baby, then the first thing he smelled would be the remnants of his father. 

And Thor was practically speechless, silent in his own little corner and feeling like the god’s really did bless everyone in this room after such turmoil.

Clint arrived with Peter trailing behind him just when the doctor instructed you sit up - you were at ten centimeters. 

‘You gotta push, Y/N! You gotta push when the doctor says push!’

You yelled until your lungs gave out, head almost rolling back but Sam held it in his palm. ‘C’mon, Y/N! You’re doing great!’

You usually had perfect pitch when you sang, never faltering when it was time to hit a high note. But your voice was cracking at the most unusual times, throat rubbed raw as you felt your hips splinter open. 

‘He’s crowning!’

Wanda traded places with Sam real quick, deciding that she wanted to see the baby when he was finally out. Bucky had a death grip on your hand, tears flowing freely and a smile to match Thor’s. 

‘Push, Y/N! Push!’

‘I’m-I’m! I’m sorry! I can’t!’

The doctor was working her hands around the head, trying to ease the baby out easier. ‘Trust me, Y/N. One more big push and the shoulders will be out. That’s the hardest part.’

The doctor’s words were starting to drown out, and your head lolled back again. You felt tiny smacks on your cheeks, ‘C’mon, Y/N. You can do this. Everyone believes in you. You’re so goddamn strong, Y/N!’

That was Bucky’s voice. Bucky. 

You opened your eyes, delirious for a second. ‘Steve?’

Bucky whimpered and nodded, bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing kisses all over. ‘He’s here. I feel him, Y/N. You can do this.’

And you could feel him. You could see your family but you could feel him. It was so light, like a gentle whisk across the cheek, a promise that this truly was a miracle. 

You screamed as you pushed under doctor’s orders, feeling numb and abused but satisfied. His shoulders slipped out and along with them came his arms and torso, legs and all ten toes. The doctor caught him quickly, lifting him up vertically to let you see him. He was already crying. 

‘He’s here!’

You sobbed and smiled widely, laughter rattling your chest as the team bombarded you with quick hugs. Sam remained at your side, his eyes motioning for Bucky to go see the baby. 

‘Who’s cutting the cord?’

You looked around the room but you knew. You answered the doctor’s question. ‘Bucky.’

Bucky was truly confused. Not because of your decision, but because he couldn’t possibly be worthy of this. His hands, those hands that had killed so many people involuntarily, had almost killed Steve, those hands were now gripping a pair of medical scissors to cut the symbolization of new life entering the world. He turned to you for permission one last time, before he gripped the cord in his hand and cut where the doctor pointed. 

His shoulders felt a million times lighter. Like he was set free all over again. 

They cleaned the baby up quickly and swaddled him. The doctor placed him in your arms, all warm and utterly safe, to look back up at you with the same blue eyes as his father. 

You sobbed happily, brushing your fingers delicately along his pink cheek. ‘Hi. Hi there.’

He was no longer crying, just staring up in pure astonishment at the various faces staring back at him. 

‘Y/N, he’s beautiful,’ Clint said, tissue already in hand. 

‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ you spoke softly. 

‘Do we have a name?’

It was like everyone said it in unison. ‘Steve.’

You snuggled into the bed and Natasha’s sweater, somewhat aware of the doctor still fixing you up down there. You would try feeding later, but for now your newborn needed to be passed around the group and be awed at. 

You carefully guided him to Bucky, holding his head gently in your palm. Bucky took him, arms instinctively curling in the correct position. Once Bucky had him in his arms, it was like everything that happened in the world was worth it. Absolutely everything. 

Bucky watched in fascination as the baby curled deeper in his chest, little fist clutching Steve’s sweatshirt. He took the sweetest little intake of air…

`

xxMoni

[maddieinwonder]

A Lesson In Romance #7: False Start

Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Just a lot of awkward vibes hahaha

Word Count: 1.7k

Plot: Reader keeps getting caught in rom-com situations with Spencer Reid. This time, they try to confess their feelings.

A/N: I didn’t actually manage to include the definition of a False Start in the chapter itself, so I’ll add it at the end. No spoilers for now!

Masterlist | All chapters here!

-----------

It took you 24 hours to decide that you were going to do something about your feelings for the good doctor. Pretty quick, considering you were a living, breathing rom-com cynic. But as ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once said: "The only constant in life is change".

Specifically, change happened after you woke up in your cute co-worker and dear friend's arms and you wanted nothing more than to get back into them as fast as possible.

But by the universal laws of working in the BAU, catching a break seemed to be the hardest when you actually wanted one.

Firstly, it was like every serial killer in the country decided to cancel their vacations simultaneously, swamping the team with urgent case after case. At this point, you were more familiar with the couch on the jet than your bed at home, and everyone was feeling the strain.

Secondly, if you weren't sleeping, you were usually out in the field chasing unsubs with Derek or Rossi. You had stopped holding out hope for being paired with Spencer — on account of your areas of specialty overlapping too much, and Hotch not being the type of leader to waste his resources — and as a result:

Thirdly, getting even ten minutes alone with the genius became an impossible task, and not for lack of trying either. At the start of the month, the two of you had tried to adapt your breakfast ritual to the road, but it always got interrupted mid-coffee order or even at the ding of the lift. Not that you and Spencer stopped trying, no, but your patience was wearing thin.

So you did something you hadn't done since you submitted your application to join the BAU — you prayed for a chance.

Because every day that you didn't admit your feelings to the doctor was another day fighting the compulsion to tell somebody else about them, and god only knows what a room full of profilers (and one nosy tech analyst) would do with that kind of information.

Then, out of the blue, the door of opportunity opened.

After two weeks of straight travel, the team had earned a well-deserved one night’s rest in your own beds before dealing with a local case, bright and early tomorrow morning. And since your flight landed at 2am and all the trains had stopped by then, this gave you the perfect shot to execute your plan.

Unfortunately, you forgot to take into account the most important factor — your nerves.

It didn't help that Derek had wolf-whistled in the carpark as the two of you walked off in the same direction, nor that Spencer immediately put your favourite album into the CD player out of instinct; an overly domestic action that made your heart beat even faster.

But it was when you arrived in front of his apartment building that you felt the worst of it. As you tried to summon the right words to your lips, your heart hammered in your chest and your thoughts jumbled themselves into nonsense.

"Are you ok?" Spencer asked, snapping you out of your anxious spiral instantly. "You don't look so well."

"I-I'm fine." Your fingers twitched nervously.

"Doesn't seem like it." He looked down at your hands, and you cursed your subconscious brain for giving you away. Then, he placed a hand over yours and your heart stopped.

"You're not alright, that's for sure, but it seems like it's just sleep deprivation." He assessed, bending slightly to look at your face. "You can't drive in this state. Do you want to come in?”

Your head snapped up to meet his gaze, ready to protest, but Spencer beat you to it. "Let’s go. You wanted to talk about something, right?" He called out, already one foot out of the car.

Before you could realise what was happening, you found yourself sitting on Spencer's couch holding a warm cup of tea.

This was the first time you were in his apartment. Yet, it was exactly what you thought it'd be like. Every wall was lined with bookshelves, filled to max capacity with books of every topic imaginable from neuroscience to philosophy. Those that didn't make it to the shelves were found in random stacks around his apartment, standing out against his forest green walls.

"Did you know that chamomile tea is a natural remedy for insomnia? In fact, it is commonly regarded as a mild tranquilizer. It's calming effects may be attributed to the antioxidant apigenin, which binds to specific receptors in your brain that initiate sleep and reduce anxiety." He explained, walking over with his own mug.

"I actually did know that." You smiled. The tea seemed to work its magic because you did feel relaxed, and you must have looked it too, because the worried frown disappeared off Spencer's face.

"Didn't know you were a tea person." You commented lightly, blowing the steam from your mug.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me." He replied mysteriously, and you raised your eyebrows.

Spencer's apartment was too quiet, no rumbling fridge or quiet radio playing in the background to make your awkward silence any less pronounced. It was then that you noticed he didn't have a TV. Somehow this fact didn't surprise you very much.

"You... you wanted to talk to me about something?" He broke the silence, looking down at the hot tea swirling in his mug.

Right. You were here to talk about your feelings. Your face flushed as you tried to summon your willpower, again.

"I wanted to tell you something—" You began shakily. "But before that, I just want to preface, we can ignore this entire thing if you don't agree. I mean, I really enjoy our friendship as it is, and I wouldn't want to do anything to affect tha—"

"Wait." Spencer interrupted urgently, before catching himself. "Sorry, um, before that, can I say something?"

"Um, ok, shoot." You replied meekly, trying to hide your relief behind a long sip of tea. There was a pause as he gathered his thoughts, and you might have been seeing things, but he looked almost... nervous? 

"The day we met, I calculated the probability of meeting somebody that shared my exact coffee order and the result was almost one in a million.” He finally spoke, lifting his head to meet your gaze. “That probability decreased when I factored in working together, sharing the same interests, and... and how I enjoyed spending time with you more than with anybody else."

Spencer cleared his throat, a blush coming onto his cheeks.

"Ever since then... my life just started making sense. I know I’m a scientist, not a poet, and I could tell you all the statistics about relationships in the world, but when it comes to you...”

His cheeks were crimson now, as he ran his fingers through his hair. You had a feeling yours looked the same.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I think you're beautiful and smart, and I have no idea what you see in me, but I'd really—"

Suddenly, both your phones buzzed violently against his coffee table, jolting you out of the moment. You leaned over in a trained motion, only to see exactly what you expected:

Garcia: No rest for the wicked, crime fighters. Conference room in 30.

Penny: No rest for the wicked, crime fighters. Conference room in 30.

You let out a sigh you didn't realise you were holding, and Spencer looked over at you, doe-eyed and nervous.

“The case?" He asked quietly.

There was a silence filled with words unsaid. "We should go." He said finally. "If we leave now, we can still make it on time."

You only nodded in response, more out of duty than desire, and gulped down the rest of your tea. The thought of what he was about to say burned down your throat.

Driving away from Spencer’s apartment was torturous. The doctor hadn’t said anything to you since he entered the car, only fiddling with his bag as he looked out the window. It was too dark to read his expression, but you wondered if he could still hear the way he called you “beautiful”, or whether the moment had already dissolved into the space between you.

Luckily, you didn’t need to wait long for an answer, as Spencer tugged on your sleeve before you exited the carpark, his face scrunched in worry.

"I really didn't mean for that to be so... weird. Can we talk about this again after the case?" He asked softly, and despite every semblance of logic left in your brain, you couldn’t stop the hope from blooming in your chest and you smiled.

That was when Spencer did something completely uncharacteristic. (You didn't know this at the time, but it was something that you would tease him about for a long time after.)

In one fluid movement, the doctor pulled you into a tight hug that elicited a squeak from you, but it only took a second for the initial shock to wear off before you relaxed completely into his warm touch. He took that as a sign to continue, burying his head into your shoulder and letting out a content sigh.

Unlike waking up to your bodies intertwined, nothing about this was a mistake. Not the way his fingers stroked your back peacefully, nor the way his curly hair tickled your cheek. You felt the stress of the past two weeks melt away in his embrace, and so did any coherent thought, except one: normal friends didn't hug each other like this.

Later when the two of you finally entered the conference room, miraculously still on time, nobody commented on the smiles plastered on your faces but everybody could tell. They were profilers after all.

But for the first time in awhile, you were just too happy to care.

-----------

Tag List:

@blue-space-porgs @nobutalsoyes @lady-loves-a-lot @queen-flower @oops-all-ajs @spottedzebrasinpartyhats @agentcarterisgay @totalmess191 @sapphic-prentiss @mellowalieneggsknight || @averyhotchner @amesandpineapples @willowrose99

Definition of a False Start here

[perhapsthanatos]

06:01 am with sungchan ♡

nct's sungchan x fem!reader (ok do u guys know that one vine where its in a party & a girl is vaping & a dude says “wow”? yeah, thats where i got my inspo from)

alternate title: after the afterparty

genre: fluff. pinning. non idol au. party!au (is that a thing?).

word count: 1250~

playlist: melodrama (the whole album) by lorde.

warnings: mentions of some of the nct dream members as well as some mentions of the loona members (not really a warning though). this is set before corona was a thing (pls dont do this now). it is set in a house party (with tension). mentions of drugs (weed), alcohol & smoking. mild swearing. making out perhaps? lower case intended.

a/n: this has been on my mind for awhile now & im really excited to put this out there! it also has more tension compared to the other works so yay :)) i also just wanna take a moment to thank the lovely @nct99 for helping me out with this plot & giving some prompts & ideas too?? :(( she is such a sweetheart & pls she is so talented too ugh im so glad we r mutuals & fellow lorde stans :(( give her love rn or else i will eat ur shower curtains (& nae i hope it was worth the wait! i wish i added more references tho lmaoo)

another graceless night and another house party. this time, it was chenle’s birthday. he is a friend of yours, known for having a huge mansion and known for throwing the best parties regardless of the occasion. come to think of it though, it could easily be the 7th one this week and it’s barely wednesday. the evening passes fast as golden rays already start to gently peek through the thin curtains of the tall windows near the living room, as bodies of wasters are sprawled all over the house.

you lean back on the couch further, a curtain of haze taking up your vision as you inhaled another hit of the fresh blunt. even with the sun rising, you still make most of what you can get before everyone (and everything) starts leaving. you never were a party person until your friends dragged you into it. since that day you found it to be a fun way to get rid of your problems and worries (even if it was just for a few hours). partying (as gross as it sounds) became a routine, even becoming its own cycle. you come, you leave and you have everything in between be a complete blur, maybe even staying completely jaded until the daylight returns. some nights it feels good to kiss and keep busy rather than face the constant harsh reality.

you turn your head to see sungchan, the back of his head resting on the top of the couch right next to you. his leather jacket rubbing against your bare arm. his eyes are closed showing off his long lashes and his pink lips are chapped and parted. he looks seraphic in this light.

to be honest, you didn’t know much about sungchan. all you knew was that he’s the new kid who started getting close with jisung barely a month ago. that led jisung to introduce him to the group and him getting welcomed in with open arms by everyone, except you. it’s not that you hate him or have anything against him, if anything he seems like the most charming people out there. you just have trouble opening up to new people especially when you’re already so comfortable with the others (which he could kind of guess already). but since he joined, he was also dragged into the party scene and often played the role as the designated driver and part-time babysitter (a role that he takes seriously along with jeno). it isn’t an uncommon occurrence for him to be seen wrestling the bottle of gin away from hyejoo, strapping in renjun’s seat belt for him, cleaning up yerim’s vomit or carrying an unconscious donghyuck over his shoulder. come to think of it, he fits in just fine. you have often found yourself near him during parties. just kicking back and sitting in a comfortable silence with you drinking and smoking from time to time. he is the one that notices when you’ve had enough and wanted to leave. maybe you’re more alike than you think?

“feeling good?” he asks, smelling the fresh smoke. he turns his head to you and opens one of his eyes.

you only nod and sigh, turning your head back to the ceiling. waves of calmness hit your head, forcing every burden out. you were about to offer him a hit but you remembered that he would only reject it. but you take another for yourself and he can only stare, completely enamored. we watches the smoke escape your lips in slow.

the thing is, he always had some sort of thing for you. a crush? a person he found cool and therefore admired? a person who he found so damn gorgeous all the time? god knows. all he knew was that there was something in you that was so addictive. on the nights where he’d stay sober, he’d watch you sit by his side, quietly drinking up your little movements and habits. even if he hates the taste of alcohol or the smell of gasoline, he loved how your teeth would close around the liquor-wet lime slices that would sit on the side of your cup and how your smoke always finds a way to leave him stained. he would constantly be falling into this fixation of you. you are etched into his mind as the embodiment of perfection even if you have multiple flaws just like he does. his mind constantly lays restless during the most ungodly hours while all of his dreams show you and him in different dimensions. it hurts him to violently like you like this but how can he not resist when the heartache came from you?

“sungchan,” you quietly call out, turning your head back to him, only to see him already staring.

“hm?” he takes one of your hands, in case you wanted to get up and couldn’t walk.

“may i try something?” you ask him, curiously with your hooded eyes barely holding on to consciousness.

“what is it?” he sits up, trying to help.

you gently push him back into the couch and straddle his hips. his eyes slightly widen and his cheeks turn a rosy red.

“ah, y/n, you’re fucking high.” he warns, stroking your hair and leaning further back.

you only giggle. your finger lifts his chin up, making him look directly at you. his shaky eyes are too irresistible.

“tell me when you wanna stop.”

you take the blunt, inhaling deeply. he continues to hold you, admiring the view while he’s at it.

you then gently pulled him closer by the neck (quite slowly incase he wanted to oppose) to leave an open-mouthed kiss on his plum lips to transfer the smoke into his mouth. he does not fight the feeling, how can he when your lips are the softest thing he has ever felt? the smoke began to seep through as he started to move his lips, eliciting a groan from you. is this what euphoria feels like? his grip on your waist tightens as your arms wrap around his neck, prompting him to go further.

sungchan, almost breathless pulls on your bottom lip, bruising them to then pull away to work at your neck, licking and leaving kisses all over. butterflies filled your stomach for the first time in awhile. you never felt this way towards another person in too long. is it love or desperation? you watch the smoke flow away so gracefully around your bodies, despite what just happened. sungchan pulls away and looks at you, his eyes holding the world. you pray that you didn’t frighten him away.

“you do not know how long i’ve been wanting to do that,” he whispers, his forehead against yours. you smile in return, pulling away to place a small kiss on his jaw which clenches from the sudden contact. you rest your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes as his head rests on yours and his cold hands trace patterns against the skin of your back.

“know i think you’re fucking awesome, right?” you hum, making him smile like an idiot.

“hm, no. but i think you should know that i think you’re really fucking awesome, right?” he says holding you tighter and gently swaying from side to side.

“you wanna leave here and get some mcdonalds or something?”

“ooo, what ever happened to the babysitter and designated driver, hm? so what, you plan to leave them here hungover and defenseless?”

“shut up, it’s already dawn. they can take an uber. i just wanna spend time with you right now.”

“alright.”

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[xmint-conditionx]

☆ flanked ☆ prologue | knj

(verb) flank - 

guard or strengthen (a military force or position) from the side.

attack down or from the sides, or rake with gunfire from the sides.

☆ pairing: soldier!namjoon x widow!reader; namjoon x fem!reader ☆ word count: 2K ☆ summary: you’re a recently widowed military spouse who is stationed at camp walker, south korea. you’re dealing with the tragedy of your husband’s recent death, and in the process, you accidentally meet a k-pop idol you’ve had a crush on for years. who knew you’d both be at the same post while he’s doing his compulsory service? who knew he’d be so damn nice? who knew it would be impossible to get him out of your head? ☆ warnings: mentions of death, public embarrassment, military death, adult language ☆ a/n: hey everyone c:i’m really happy to be reuploading this fic; i’m going to set a goal of updating it once a month. this is my baby, and i want to do it right, so if it doesn’t come as predictably as i want it to, apologies in advance, but i really hope you enjoy what i have! 

this fic starts of intense and will only get more intense. i very much recommend double checking the warnings list because there’s gonna be some pretty heavy stuff in the prologue here and going forward. please do keep in mind that this is purely fiction and i do not want (most of) this to actually happen to anyone. it won’t all be sad though, promise! i mean it’s namjoon we’re talking about: the biggest goofball on the planet. there will be eventual smut, but we have to build up to it, now don’t we? thanks luv, enjoy!

Here you are, in the quaint little convenience store and dry cleaning shop right outside of post, on just another cloudy Winter Wednesday. However, today is a little different, because you have made it to the front of the line and have begun violently crying. Not one of those shedding a single tear cries, but a terrible cry that has taken hold of your entire body. A shaking, snot-faucet, fist-clenching cry. Nothing truly lamentable has happened, except for an inability to recall the Korean word for receipt. You’ve lived at Camp Walker for just shy of two years, so it’s safe to say your ineffectiveness in vocalizing your needs isn’t for lack of knowledge. Despite your quickly-grasped and quite thorough knowledge of the language, the overwhelming sadness and anger you possess about your situation somehow has evaporated away all your Hangul proficiency. Which has left you looking utterly incompetent. Of course a breakdown is in order. All you needed to do was pick up your dead husband’s dress blues for fucks sake, but you can’t remember how to speak and now you’re embarrassing yourself and wasting this poor lady’s time and why does this have to be so goddamn difficult.

The people behind you in line are now beginning to stare in a strange mix of confusion, concern, irritation, and apprehension. Perfect. You exit the line and begin sputtering out desperate attempts at the lost word, so entirely wrapped up in your own stupid brain that you fail to register the approach of a tall man in an American style ACU. A deep and calm voice eases out of the truly tree-sized man in front of you.

“Ma’am, do you need some help?” he asks.

Your vision is tear-ruined and the last thing you want is pity. Pity is exhausting. 

“Oh, you’re gonna help the poor little sad girl, huh?” you spit out at him, not even bothering to look up, “just tell me the fucking word for receipt please. That’s all I need.” 

Despite your downright rudeness, the man replies without hesitation. “Yeongsujeung. Are you sure that’s all I can help you with?” You look over towards the counter to see that the lady has begun helping other customers, and you really aren’t looking forward to waiting in line again. No pity, you remind yourself, so you shake your head at the man and meekly muster out a “gamsahabnida” as you stare at the floor, too embarrassed at your lack of composure to make eye contact with your new acquaintance. 

He just sighs and says, “Ma’am, would you mind if I stood in line for you? It might feel good if you sat down for a minute. I promise it’s not a hassle. I’m here to get my dry cleaning too.” 

Jesus Christ, what is this guy? Some kind of mind reader? Who is that observant? Or are you just that obvious? You really, really don’t want more help. That’s all people have been trying to do for the past week. Coming by your house with food, offering to walk your dog, so many informational pamphlets about therapy, every person saying that they can be a listening ear if you need it. But you don’t. You just want to be left alone already. Nothing anyone has said has been comforting, because they don’t actually know what it’s like. They just don’t get it. And it’s nice that they want to help and are actually trying, but fuck. It mostly just makes things worse. But your head hurts from the exertion of crying, and that’s all it takes to convince you that you might actually want to sit down.

You wipe your eyes and finally feel like you’re allowed to really breathe again. You look up at the kind man to thank him once more, this time more sincerely, and in that instant, you’re sure you’ve gone insane. That’s got to be it. The death of your husband has thrown you completely off your rocker. That’s the only explanation for what stands before you. You’ve finally had a full psychotic break and are currently hallucinating in the corner store. You’d honestly burst out laughing if your throat wasn’t raw, because standing in front of you is a man who looks remarkably like Kim Namjoon. 

You haven’t thought about this man in years, and his dark shorter haircut instead of his usual longer locks is probably the most confusing matter about the whole thing, oddly enough. You recall in your mind the photocard you have of him from when you bought one of their albums several years ago. The luscious long blonde hair in the photo is shockingly different to the style that he’s sporting now. If it weren’t for his signature dimple greeting you alongside his small sincere grin, you’d almost have never recognized him. 

Oh my god. And now you’re standing in front of him, and he’s standing in front of you, and he’s so much taller than you thought he would be, and you’re having a meltdown in a cornerstore, and he’s so much more handsome in person, and now you’re staring into each other's eyes and this can’t be happening. 

It can’t really be him. You’ve just gone completely mental. You know the leader of BTS began his compulsory military service about a year and a half ago, but the chances of you crossing paths is still nearly impossible. You begin to tell yourself that he’s just a doppelgänger and your recent distress and suffering has made your brain desperate for serotonin. It can’t really be him. You’re just crazy now. That would be easier to deal with, at least. 

You half don’t believe it’s him and half don’t want to believe it’s him. If it is him, you sure as hell don’t want to make the interaction any more weird than it’s already been. If it’s not him, you’d only be embarrassing yourself further. The best, and really, only course of action to take at this point, because you absolutely do not trust your words, is just to nod your head and avert your gaze as you walk to the little bench by the door. You try to focus your thoughts on literally anything other than your brain’s manifestation of a pop star. It almost doesn’t happen, but as peace comes, you mentally thank yourself for your long-time practice of mindfulness. It would have been an impossible task had you never done this before. By the time he gets to the front, you’ve successfully managed to calm down and focus on your breathing. You’ve got yourself convinced the man simply looks similar to Namjoon, and that’s it. Nothing to get worked up about.

As you rejoin the man, he greets you with another warm grin and gestures to the counter. Shit. Are you ready to talk again? He’s insisting you go first, and you notice the little dimple poke out again. His lips are so… pillowy. Oh god, are you staring? You shake loose of his grasp on you and in practically perfect Korean, apologize to the lady for before, tell her the last name and details on the order, and tell her you’re sorry about misplacing the receipt from drop off with the order number on it because it’s... been a really long week. She nods, seeming relieved you didn’t burst into tears again and goes in the back to search for your items. 

The tall serviceman next to you now speaks to you in Korean. “That was impressive. You’ve been here for a long time?” 

“Only two years.” 

“Well I suppose you really didn’t need my help then,” he says and chuckles a little. “I’m glad to see sitting down was able to help you relax.” 

The lady hands over the dry cleaning and you thank her. As you pay, tears begin to swell in your eyes again. You’re holding the things your husband will be buried in. You can’t stop yourself from picturing it all… the funeral, his cold body, whether you’ll have to hold a closed casket ceremony, his poor mom, how long the receiving line is going to be, whether he would want flowers or not, wondering if you’ll be able to put his little award stripes on his suit jacket in the right order or if you’re going to have to get help… again.

 Being so wrapped up in your thoughts, you don’t notice your new acquaintance giving the lady his ticket. He turns to you after she’s walked in the back. 

“Lucky husband, getting his dress uniform picked up for him. You really know how to spoil a man, huh?” The seemingly innocent comment shoots fire through your veins. The woman returns with his dry cleaning and they go through payment as you let the anger boil inside of you. He is oblivious to the metaphorical bombs going off inside your body. You stare a hole into the man’s head as you spit out “My husband is fucking dead.” 

You turn to leave and don’t look back, not giving him a chance to process your revelation. He makes the connection a moment too late, but he’s quick to catch up with you in the parking lot, this time speaking English. “Ma’am please let me apologize. I didn’t realize...” 

You continue walking to your car; you don’t want to look at him again. “I don’t need an apology from you. It doesn’t matter.” 

“Please, I had no idea. I was trying to make small talk; I never would have said that-“

You whir around and glare at him. You were done. “I get it, okay? Just stop feeling sorry for me already. I’m tired of it. Thank you for waiting in line for me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a fucking funeral to plan.” The words come flying out and with each new sentence, you see him recoil again and again. His eyes are full of remorse and... understanding? You hold his gaze longer than you wanted to, and time stands still. What are you doing?

You’re fumbling with your keys, trying to manage the electronic key fob to unlock your car. He takes this opportunity to scribble some words and numbers on a paper he has clumsily fished out of one of his many uniform pockets and extends it out to you. Is he really trying to give you his number right now?! You’d be really flattered that a man this attractive is making a pass at you, if you hadn’t, you know, just told him your husband fucking died. You furrow your brows and roll your eyes, ready to chew him out again. 

“Here, this is the name and address for a group therapy session on post for people who have gone through recent loss. We meet on Thursdays. I don’t know how much longer you’ll be in Korea, but you’d be welcome. I promise.”

You just stare at him dumbly, unable to process this information. Therapy? You’d been given so many pamphlets on loss that it made your head spin. The only thing that thoughts of therapy has done for you in the past week has brought up terrible associations.

“Please. Take it.”

His eyes are pleading. You can’t bear to see the desperation any longer. Breaking away from his heavy gaze, you take the scrap of paper. With one last thank you, you get in your sedan, throw the dry cleaning into the passenger seat, and lock the doors. 

With your head in your hands, you start to cry again. Why do you have to be so mean? Thinking of the man, you turn to look in the rear-view mirror with a gentle hope that he’s still behind your car. You don’t know why you’re disappointed when he isn’t.

Thursday is tomorrow. You can make it until then.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Tour Mom Chapter 2

A/N: Alright I’m having fun with this so I’ll just continue it. My MCR fic isn’t as good as my other ones, but I’m assuming it’s because I’ve never worked with this set of characters before. It may get better over time. Hope you all enjoy!

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Gerard with a little MCR x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2041

You were extremely proud of Gerard. Post-Black Parade the guys took a break. They wanted to figure out how to redefine the band, moving away from the “traditional” MCR, that being Three Cheers and TBP.

You of course, helped Gerard. Just like your helped the boys with their first three albums. It wasn’t much, but altering some lyrics here and there to make their songs more elaborate and more descriptive. 

They had already written and recorded a few songs in the process of establishing the storyline of the Killjoys, which Gerard pitched to you during the last tour. Everyone jumped on board, besides Bob. So he left.

Additionally, in your personal life, you and Gerard were expecting. By that, of course, meant you were pregnant. To be honest, it wasn’t planned at all. You and Gerard had talked about kids in the past. Never too seriously, but enough to know you wanted at least one in the future. The timing wasn’t on point for the expansion of your family, but you two happily accepted it.

And then there came the fact that you weren’t married. While Gerard’s family didn’t mind it, your family kind of did. With your parents having divorced when you were younger, they of course had drastically different views. Your dad had always really like Gerard, and was more than happy for you two, understanding that marriage was something you wanted to do on your own schedule. Your mother on the other hand, was “disturbed” by it. While you didn’t totally care, a part of you was crushed by this.

But of course, Gerard helped guide you through it, reassuring your own little family would be just fine, whether or not your mother necessarily approved of it all. This brought you peace of mind of course.

Gerard also bought you two promise rings. It was almost like an engagement, just something saying he promised he would love you for everyday until you two officially got married and renewed those vows officially. And you of course promised the same.

What was most concerning was the potential for your depression to come back during and after the pregnancy. Your therapist and psychologist had some worries, as well as how your antidepressants would affect your pregnancy, and the potential of your hormones changing too much.

“I don’t know, Gee.” You sighed as you two discussed what to do with it all, “I don’t want to risk the baby, but I don’t want to risk myself.” He nodded.

“You’ve made so much progress,” He grabbed your hand, “It’s really up to you.” “Yeah, but it’s our child.” He nodded.

“Maybe continue on them,” He told you, making eye contact of course, “And please, talk to me about how you feel. If you’re not doing well you need to tell me, okay?” You nodded. You and Gerard were always extremely open about your mental health to one another, so of course you would tell him.

And that led to a long and turbulent pregnancy. You were glad the band had taken a break to be honest, that way every day Gerard could be at home with you. Of course he took the occasional day to go in and record, or to have a meeting, but most of the time we he was with you.

Everyday it got increasingly harder to do things like make your way up the stairs, clean up, even making dinner which was usually one of your favorite activities but became a burden as the bump grew. Gerard was empathetic as always though, helping you with every task he could. Not being too touchy or too obsessive, but just when you needed it.

“I got you,” He told you as he helped to swing your legs onto the bed. The third trimester was by far the hardest. The bump was large, and managed to grow even bigger everyday.

“Yeah,” You huffed, “I know.” You finally sighed in relief as you laid on the large king bed, getting under the covers and in a semi-comfortable position before you would have to switch again in another hour or so.

“You alright?” He would ask every night before the two of you feel asleep.

“As good as I can be for a pregnant woman.” You would answer. He would just lightly smiled, “I just want her to pop out already.” He nodded.

“I love you.” He said, rolling over to face the other side of the bed.

“Love you too.”

And flash forward just a few weeks, you sat painfully in the delivery room after your water broke while making lunch, Gerard by your side, unless you began violently cursing him out for putting you in your current situation, in which he would walk away for a few minutes, usually out of the room to give you breathing space.

Thankfully as well, your childhood best friend was there to assist when Gerard took his break. Y/B/F/N would sit next to you, holding your hand as your painful contractions came and wouldn’t stop.

“You’re ready to push, Ms. Y/L/N.” One of the nurses told you. And so Gerard was called back in to sit right next to your hospital bed, holding your hand as your screamed and groaned in agony and pain.

“You’re doing great.” He would tell you, giving you light kisses on the top of your head. “Just continue, sugar, and you’ll be all good.”

After a two and a half hour labor, you both heard small cries and most of your pain ceased. You were immediately handed your daughter, and all her seven pound self. And you instantly fell in love with her.

Gradually, after you and Gerard, who cried, got some time alone with her, family and friends were welcomed in. “Arden Lola Way.” You said aloud, the final name you and Gerard had decided on, “She’s incredible, Gee.” You told him, showing her off. Despite her little eyes being closed, her fingers perfectly wrapped around her fathers, and her little noises made your heart explode.

“I know she is.” He smiled, “We made that.” “We did.” You smiled even more.

Gradually the waves of people came in to greet you. It started out with your dad who was more than excited to hold his first granddaughter in his arms, and you could’ve sworn if it wasn’t for the line of other people wanting to hold her, he wouldn’t have let go.

Gerard’s dad came in next, along with Mikey. And surprisingly, Mikey too fell in love with your little girl. He seemed a little nervous holding her at first, but lightened up soon.

However, you were already worn out, and were extremely tired. Everyone had left besides you, Gerard, and of course your daughter. “Go to bed, sugar,” He told you, “I can take care of her.” And that was all you needed to be out like a light on the partially uncomfortable hospital bed, that post-giving birth felt like heaven.

But after a few hours, you were awoken by the screams of your daughter. Gee got up, carefully picking up your baby girl and trying to soothe her, which ended up failing. “I got her.” You mumbled, feeling like a zombie, and reaching out.

He gave her over in no time, you attempting as well to calm her. “I think she’s hungry.” You slumped over, giving her complete access so she could breast feed. “This’ll be a fun couple of months.” You sarcastically said, smiling lightly at him who lightly smiled back, nodding.

“Can’t wait.” He placed himself back on the couch next to your bed.

And a few short days later, you were out the door, Gerard helping get you and your daughter into the car and carefully driving off. And by carefully, you meant very carefully.

Which was also how he spent the next few weeks with the two of you. He had basically dropped everything to be at home, especially since he knew you couldn’t handle the baby alone.

“I think we should get married.” He said, sitting next to you in bed and flipping through a book, you doing the same.

“Okay.” You said, keeping your attention on the pages.

“Okay? “Yeah, let’s plan it.” You said, “I mean small, obviously, like really small.” He nodded.

“I love you.” He added on. “I love you too, Gee.” He gave you a quick kiss on the lips, Arden interrupting with her screams, which you could’ve easily mistaken for a murder.

“I’ll get her.” He got up, placing his book on the nightstand and jogging out of the room and down the hall to your newborns yellow room (Which you and he had spent almost five hours perfecting).

You could hear him begin to cradle her through the baby monitor you had on your side of the bed. If there’s one thing Gerard had proved since your daughter was born, it was that he absolutely adored her. If it weren’t for naps and breast feeding, you would bet money on the fact that that man would be holding your baby 24/7.

She slowly began calming down, stopping her ring of cries, and falling nearly asleep in his arms. Then you heard him do what he always did: sing her some lullaby. You couldn’t identify which once, but she was out like a light in less than 30 seconds, giving Gee an opportunity to gradually place her back in her crib.

“She loves it when you sing to her.” You smiled as your fiancee walked in.

“It’s the only way to get her to bed, ya know.” “Besides feeding her.” You leaned back and under the covers, against your pillow. “She takes after her father in that regard.” Gerard rolled his eyes.

And then came the hardest part of it all. Once your daughter was three months old, Gerard had finally brought up the upcoming album. They had scraped the initial one by that point, and were already half way through the new one. And while you were always proud of his work, having a kid presented various other issues and responsibilities. “When are you guys planning on releasing it?” You asked, sitting across from Gee at your dining table, your young one having a nap.

“Later this year.”

“So before or after Ard’s first birthday?”

“Probably after.” He stated, playing with his fingers. He himself was extremely anxious to tell you.

“What about the tour?” You asked, “Because I don’t think it would be best to tour with a one year old. And I would have to stay with her.” He nodded.

“I’m not sure.” He said, “I mean, there’s always Skype, right?” You reluctantly nodded. On the inside you were pissed at him right now for even thinking about leaving you and your daughter, but this was his job.

“Fine.” You said, getting up and beginning to walk away.

“Baby,” You could hear him get up, sounding almost sympathetic, because of course he knew you were mad, “Why don’t we talk about this?” “We just did!” You unintentionally snapped, “Sorry.” You sighed walking back over to him, “I’m just worried, okay? For both us and you.” He gave a confused look, “Well, obviously it’ll be hard for Arden to be away from you for so long, especially with her age.” “I’ll take every break I can and come home.” He stated.

“But what about you?” You looked up at him, making firm eye contact, “I love you, Gee, but you got off of drugs and alcohol once. And I’m not saying you would again, but we both know how stressed you get on tours.” “But I’ve gone the last two and a few in between clean, babe.”

“You also had Ray, Bob and I looking after you. Mikey too.” He looked down for a moment, “I won’t be there, Bob quit, and so now it’ll be Ray and Mikey.”

“I’ll call you if I’m struggling.” You rose in eyebrow in superstition, “I promise.”

“Alright.” You said, “Just please, be responsible, Gee. I know you can, but just be careful. Because now it’s not just me. You have a daughter too.” He nodded. “And I think Skypes will be mandatory with the little one.”

[andormeddows]

Why are you calling? ::: Roger Taylor

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summary: The reader is incapable of making alright decisions when she’s in love with Roger. Angst (if you squint) and fluff!

Word count: 2988

Warnings: Swearing only. Also, shitty plot! You’ve been warned.

Notes: I’m not sure how this writing turned out. I admit it’s not my best work, but I just needed to get something out! Honestly, it’s a mess… But, here we are! I’ll maybe write a second part, but who knows? Or I’ll end up deleting this and pretend it never happened. Inspired by Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High by Arctic Monkeys!

Masterlist is here!

The dimly lit stage emanated quite a saddening vibe now that the band had disappeared through the wooden back door as people still asked for an encore whistling and clapping vigorously. The instruments blazed under the yellowish lights, silently waiting to be removed from the stage.

The soft buzz of laughter and conversation reached your ears as people slowly reached the bar to ask for beer bottles. Your lips bore a satisfied smile as you chugged the last drops of beer in the bottle held tight between your sweaty fingers. Abandoning the glass bottle on the nearest table your arms were able to reach, you carefully pushed past the mass of sweaty bodies surrounding you. Feet aching with every step, as soon as you reached the grayish corridors of the Chemistry building, you gladly got rid of your black platform shoes.

“Oh…” you whispered as your feet touched the cold floor, sighing in relief.

Holding the shoe straps between your fingers, you proceeded towards the back of the building, where the band usually gathered after gigs, to meet Freddie. People gathered in front of classrooms and lockers, happily chatting. There were some old Smile posters on the walls, most of them read “Don’t forget to Smile!”. A couple of weeks prior, Tim had left the band, but, up to that moment, no one had actually bothered to get the posters removed. Nevertheless, some of them had been scribbled and strangely read “Don’t forget to Queen!”.

Your feet touched the asphalt, which quickly caused you to avert your eyes down to see the wet ground blazing under the tall yellowish campus lamps.

“I thought you had gotten lost, love,” Freddie’s voice reached your ears.

“Freddie Bulsara, look at this!” you exclaimed, a smile plastered to your lips as your hands pointed to the wet ground beneath your feet. “The stars are crying tonight because of your marvelous voice! God, what a gig!”

“Don’t be silly,” he shyly answered as your arms tightly embraced him, pressing his body against yours. His sweaty lips pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Thank you for coming, dear.”

“I would never miss seeing you on that stage, you know that, Freddie,” you returned his loving gesture and pressed your lips to his cheek as your fingers entangled with his. “Never.”

“Was it just Freddie, really, YN?” Brian’s voice spoke from behind your figure. A fake hurt tone extremely evident in his voice, it was almost comical.

“Brian!”

His open arms waited to embrace you in a tight hug as he pressed his lips together in a thin line and furrowed his eyebrows, clearly waiting for a compliment. You laughed slightly, pacing towards him and letting his arms engulf you in a tight hug.

Roger shut his angelic blue eyes, abandoning, at the back of the van, the empty beer bottle he had been idly holding for over an hour. His head rested heavily against the cold metal of the vehicle and his legs swung slightly by the open rear door. The tingling of the glass reached his ears as the bottle rolled over, causing him to wince at the loud noise that reached his ears. His blurred surroundings caused him to feel nauseous. He wished he hadn’t alcohol pumping through his veins. Not again.

But, honestly, he couldn’t help himself. Not when he had noticed you earlier at the gig. Not when your body moved to the beat of his drums, eyes closed in a daze in the middle of the crowd. Not when he was constantly on the cusp of trying to admit his feelings for you. Not when he pictured his lips pressed against yours as your hands softly pulled at his long strands of hair. God.

“Rog?”

Roger slowly opened his eyes, confusedly blinking. His surroundings spun rapidly and he moaned in annoyance. He wished he hadn’t alcohol pumping through his veins. The voice sounded distant, even muffled, as though someone screamed underwater for him. Wait. Was he underwater?

“Roger?”

He closed his eyes once again. He wasn’t underwater.  His name repeatedly echoed inside of his mind while he opened his eyes once again. He observed his blurred surroundings. The whitish-grey smoke from people’s cigarettes lazily rose up in the night air.

“Earth to Roger!”

“Fucking shut up,” Roger mumbled, pressing the heel of his palms against his eyes. The muffled noise of laughter and conversation reached his ears. Wait. Adrenaline caused him to freeze against the cold metal of the vehicle. He swore he distantly heard your soft laughter.

No. Why would you bother to reach the back of the building to meet the band? In fact, after every gig, you met the band at the back of the building. Being Freddie’s best friend had its privileges. Nevertheless, Roger convinced himself he would never be worthy of attention.

Brian furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh, come on.”

“This isn’t the appropriate moment for one of your lectures on how I should stop drinking that much, alright?” Roger angrily spat at Brian. “I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

“Cut the bullshit, yeah? We’re getting more beer. Are you coming?”

“No.”

“See? Why would I waste my time on lecturing you?” Brian uttered nonchalantly. Roger’s face became stonier with every word leaving Brian’s lips; his voice rang in the blond-haired boy’s ears, causing his head to sharply throb at the noise. “You know where to find us, Rog.”

Roger wearily sighed, silently observing his calloused and slightly dirty palms from holding the drum sticks in his sweaty hands for over an hour. He withheld his emotions for himself by nervously chewing on his lips as Brian eventually stepped backwards, brows furrowed at his friend’s behavior. You left with Freddie and Brian still carrying your shoes, its straps tightly held between your fingers.

Freddie’s arm rested over your shoulders, pulling you towards his body as you both, along with Brian, entered the building. People would occasionally congratulate the boys, gleeful smiles plastered to their lips. The quietness of the pub soothed your agitated body; the buzz of conversation reached your ears once again. Instead of sweaty bodies pressed against each other, most of the tables had been occupied, were students happily chatted.

“What are the plans for the band? I mean, people love you, yeah? And Queen? It suits you.” you spoke up as the three of you reached the bar stools, Brian asking one of the bartenders for three bottles of beer.

“We need a bassist,” Brian promptly answered, elbows digging into the wooden surface of the bar. “Do you know how difficult it is to find a bassist in London?”

“Come on, it mustn’t be that difficult.”

“Oh, Brian, don’t be so dramatic,” Freddie scoffed, chugging at the beer bottle in his hands, to what Brian rolled his eyes. “There are plenty of them out there. We just need the right one.”

Nodding at Freddie’s words, you quietly averted your eyes to the beer bottle propped on the bar surface. Brian happily chatted with a freshman student, who had to muster every ounce of boldness in his body to step towards the curly-haired boy, about guitar improvisations.

Your fingers absentmindedly drew patterns at the glass, the condensed water turning into big droplets under your skin. Roger had been awkwardly distant from the three of you. Well, at least, distant from you.

“W-What’s wrong with Roger, Fred?”

“What do you mean?” Freddie asked, averting his curious gaze at your features while he shifted on the bar stool in order to face you, his knees slightly bumping against yours. Your heartbeat increased tenfold. What an obvious way to admit you were in love with one of Freddie’s best friends. Shit.

A nervous laugh escaped from you lips. “Are you telling me he’s not at all looking distinctly careworn tonight? Well, not only tonight. I noticed he’s been acting rather distant. Make sure he’s alright, yeah?”

Freddie quickly nodded, before taking a long last sip from the bottle in his hand. His dark eyes bore into your soul, ripping every single layer you had built around your feelings for Roger in order to hide them from him. Actually, it had been a failed attempt to hide them from yourself, but you would never admit it.

Your surroundings were eerily quiet. Fewer people occupied the wooden tables, eventually reaching the bar to ask for any last drink before leaving. The freezing night air bounced off the walls every time the heavy wooden door was opened, causing your body to violently shiver.

The last hour had been spent listening to Freddie and Brian ramble about infinite subjects, ranging from their excitement about recording an album and the madness of feeling empowered to write a song to the stars shining above. Your head rested on the heel of one of hands and the other played with an empty beer bottle. The quiet atmosphere was so pleasing it made you feel drowsy.

“Sleeping Beauty’s sitting right in front of me,” Freddie mumbled against your skin, pressing a caring kiss to your jawline.

“I’m sorry, Fred,” you mumbled against the palm of your hand, slurred words falling from your lips. “Guess I’ve been awake for almost a day now. You know, I woke up in the middle of the night in order to finish this unfinishable essay. At least I spent an hour watching the sunrise from the dormitory roof.”

“Let’s get you to your room,”

Nodding vigorously, you carefully descended from the bar stool, reaching for Brian’s hands and he pulled you against his body while Freddie called it a night, politely thanking the bartenders. The pale moon seemed to be a sole diamond fluctuating in the deep blue night sky above your head as your feet touched the cold asphalt of the sidewalk.

Pulling at the heavy wooden door of your dormitory building, you waved Freddie and Brian a last goodbye. The warmth of the entrance hall engulfed your aching body and a shiver shot through your body.

Slowly ascending the stairs, you silently observed the dark wooden doors of each dormitory, whispering their numbers as you crossed the infinite corridor. Your shoes tangled against each other, dangling from your fingers. You reached into one of your overcoat pockets in order to grab your dormitory key, sighing in relief when you closed the door. Resting against it, you abandoned your shoes by the carpeted floor and staggered forward, deeper into the room.

“Are you alive?” your roommate’s voice echoed around the quiet room, the hint of sarcasm evident in her voice. She stepped into the small living room, resting her body against the doorframe, a book in her hands. “Honestly, I thought I had gotten rid of your annoying ass tonight, but here you are.”

“Oh, shut up,” you rolled your eyes at her as a drowsy smile reached your lips. “You wouldn’t last a day without me.”

“Are you sure?” she slightly squinted at you, letting a dry laugh escape from her lips while your body collapsed against the dark green sofa pillows. “Let’s see… I’ve just spent twenty-two hours and seventeen minutes without you. I guess it’s enough.”

You nodded before your mind could properly understand her words, eyes closed and body curled up against the pillows. “See you tomorrow, love.”

The moonlight invaded the now dark dormitory. You snored quietly, lips partly open and blanket draped over your tired body. A sudden ring dragged you back to reality as your eyes shot open, adrenaline exploding through your veins.

“Fuck!” your roommate exhaled from her bedroom, anger boiling inside her body from being woken up after merely sleeping for half an hour. “Fucking turn this shitty alarm clock off or I’m throwing it out of the bloody window! YN, are you dead?”

You blinked repeatedly before vigorously shaking your head only to notice the ringing came from your bedroom, its sound reverberating through the whole dormitory. The whole building must have been woken up. Your roommate threatened the entire galaxy while you lazily pulled your body towards the other side of the living room in order to reach your bedroom. The alarm clock stood by the edge of the bedside table, ringing louder.

Damn it, you had completely forgotten to turn it off before leaving early in the morning. Quickly pressing any button your sleepy fingers could reach, silence engulfed your body and you pressed your hands against your face. “I’m sorry!”

“I hope you are, YN!”

“It won’t happen again, I promise!”

Returning to the living room, you pulled the blanket from where it lay on the wooden floor. Exhaling, your tired gazed rested on the telephone table by the corner of the living room. Should you, though? No. What a ridiculous idea. The clock hanging by the wall showed half past four in the morning. Why would you call him, by the way?

Brushing off the sudden need to call him, you pulled the blanket over your body after lying down on the sofa on the same spot you had let your body collapse a few hours prior. Closing your eyes, the image of Roger sitting alone at the back of the van invaded your mind. His legs swayed slightly as he abandoned the bottle in his hands.

“He’s alright…” you whispered to yourself, trying to convince your stubborn mind of it.

But it was useless. Soon enough, your body was falling limp against the armchair by the telephone table. Your fingers quickly slid through the numbers, pressing the headset against your ear and pulling at the coil cord.

“Hello? W-Who’s is this?” Roger’s voice rang from the speaker end. Confusion and drowsiness clearly mixed together as he tried to work out the words in his mind, his messy blond locks framed his features in an angelical way.

The raspy tone of his voice caused shivers to slightly shake your body. You closed your eyes; a sharp intake of breath filled your lungs as your thoughts wandered to places you fought to forget. Images of Roger’s lips against yours, hands eagerly roaming through your body, flashed through your mind, followed by the image of a cigarette pressed in between his lips as his skilled hands pushed the drumsticks against the cymbals. Droplets of sweat slowly running down his neck as he pursed his lips and closed eyes, head throw back in pure ecstasy from the music surrounding him. Fuck.

Silence.

“I can hear you breathing.”

Breath caught in your throat, your anxious gaze averted to the clock again. You absentmindedly watched the second hand rapidly move over the surface of the clock nervously gripping the headset and breathing slightly uneven.

“Hello?”

Mad at yourself, you scoffed at the headset and pushed it against the hook mechanism. Why did you ever consider calling him? Exhaling in nervousness, you let your body sink into the soft pillows of the armchair. God, why? What a ridiculous idea.

The telephone silently begged for a call, which caused you to turn your back to it as though that would magically solve the issue. Squeezing the soft fabric of the blanket, you, irritated, pulled it against your body, shielding it from any invitations from the machine.

“God, YN!” you mumbled to yourself, anger boiling inside your veins.

You pulled the headset frim the hook mechanism, letting your fingers slide through the known number. Roger was quicker to answer, a hint of impatience noticeable in his tone. “I hope you do know what time it is.”

“H-Half past four, Rog,” you whispered to the microphone end, heart racing inexplicably. Why were you calling him?

“YN? Is that you?” Roger uttered confused. Was he suffering from the effects of the alcohol still pumping through his veins? No. He would never mistake your voice. Ever. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah,” you exhaled nervously. “I should ask you the same.”

“What do you mean?” Roger nervously gulped.

“You’ve been… Hm, distant lately. Is it because of something I’ve done? Honestly, I’ve searched my mind and there’s nothing, Rog.”

Silence.

A nervous laugh escaped from your lips at the lack of an answer. What a ridiculous idea. Why would Roger ever confide in you if he ever had any issue when he shared a flat with his best friend? Honestly, the situation couldn’t be worse.

“I-I’m sorry. This was a mistake. A huge one. God, I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Stay,” Roger promptly answered as he dragged his body from under the blanket covering his body. He partially sat over his pillow, heart racing at your words. There was something trapped in your throat and he silently begged for it.

You gulped at the single word, biting your lips. God, why was it so hard to admit? Why would you ever call him in the middle of night in order to solely ask if he was alright? “Okay.”

“Why are you calling, YN?” he hesitantly asked, anxiously gripping the headset.

Anticipation filled your body, which caused you to shallowly breathe into the microphone end and to press the headset against you ear until a burning sensation suddenly appeared. An uncomfortable sensation filled the pit of your stomach due to the nervousness. The only thing holding you back was the fact that you were afraid of how Roger would react.

Silence.

“I-I… I care about you, Rog,” you whispered, almost inaudible, the words cascaded out of lips. “A lot.”

“Fuck, YN…” Roger mumbled to himself in a failed attempt to deny the truth your words carried. Was it the alcohol? His surroundings spun rapidly as your words echoed in his mind louder at each passing second.

Your fingers anxiously rested over your lips as though preventing any more words from falling out of them. His breathing reached your ears. For a minute, your mind was focused on listening to the silence, desperately searching for any meaning in it.

“That’s why I called,” you quietly admitted.

[rawiswhore]

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Billy Gunn, Bart Gunn x Fem Reader- “Supersoak that Ho”

In 1998, the WWF is increasing more and more in popularity, and so are some of the WWF stars: Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Rock, Kane, Triple H/D Generation X, Sable, Debra, and even you.

Since the 1980's, the WWF have had toys aimed at prepubescent kids, and they even sell and have toys aimed at prepubescent kids during the late 90's Attitude era: arguably the most inappropriate, raunchiest, shocking, and violent era the WWF has ever had (yes, there's also the WWE 2000's Ruthless Aggression era, which is debatable over which was more violent and inappropriate).

Honestly, seeing WWF stars in the late 90's do toy commercials and have toys aimed at prepubescent kids made of their Attitude era wrestlers is pretty shocking considering the era, there was even a lot of controversy over having toys aimed at young kids during such an inappropriate, violent WWF era.

And speaking of that, in the summer of 1998, 3 members of D Generation X did a Supersoaker commercial where they didn't say their obscene, iconic catchphrase and do their equally obscene gesture, but did hose down Sable, albeit surprisingly, DX grabbed the cameraman snapping pictures of Sable for a photoshoot, only for her to walk away.

Despite this commercial sounding pornographic on paper (3 men shooting water from huge water guns on one of the company's biggest sex symbols), this commercial really isn't inappropriate at all.

This commercial gave you an idea.

However, in June of 1998, the leader of DX who was easily the hottest, sexiest member of that faction that hadn't left the company was growing facial hair, and him growing facial hair turned you off.

He was a little hot in June of 1998, but that facial hair slightly ruined him.

It might make him look more badass and he might've looked better here than in 2006 when he had that bushy handlebar moustache, but you prefer him without facial hair than with it.

However, by the end of his birth month and around the time of his birthday, he shaved his facial hair off. Hooray!

Even better, a former D Generation X member who also has a birthday a few days before Triple H's was back in the WWF, albeit not wrestling, and this former DX member whose birthday is close to Triple H's looks hotter and sexier than ever before.

How great is that?

Not to mention, July is known as being a hot month,  Stevie Wonder even has an album titled "Hotter than July", and it was hot in the summer of 1998.

You needed something to cool your jets.

You told 4 of the sexiest men in the WWF an idea you had with them, 3 of them are D Generation X members, and they loooooved your idea.

Hell, Jerry Lawler, Vince Russo and Vince McMahon would love this idea too, but Jerry is a bloated, creepy, statutory rapist, Russo is a smarmy, egotistical Noo Yawk smartass with idiotic ideas and McMahon is a racist, unoriginal, Trump supporting manchild, so they can go fuck themselves.

3 DX members you invited outside were Triple H, Shawn  Michaels and Billy Gunn, who all took some fully loaded Supersoakers Billy and the 2 other less attractive DX members promoted in a commercial with them.

The other man you invited with you was Bart Gunn, a former tagteam partner with Billy Gunn who's been sexy all year in 1998.

And yes, he's brought a Supersoaker filled with water with him as well.

You were dressed in a white top with no bra underneath and short denim Daisy Duke shorts.

When you ushered them outside, it was a hot, humid day, where the sky was blue and not a single cloud was in the sky.

And you're in need something to cool down.

Once you were outside, you stood in front of these aforementioned 3 DX members and Bart Gunn.

"Boys" you said to them "I'm feeling hot right now and I need something to cool down"

You tried sounding as sexy as you could when saying that, as well as tried looking sexy in your face.

The boys in front of you absolutely loved that, their mouths spreading ear-to-ear grins across their faces that probably is hurting their faces.

"Well, let's get ready to soak iiiiiiiit!" Triple H shouted, pumping up the Supersoaker in his hand quickly, Shawn, Billy and Bart followed pumping their guns just as fast (and you ain't talking their penises) afterwards.

When Triple H exclaimed that, Shawn, Billy and Trips cackled and laughed afterwards in their throaty laughs.

Next thing you know, they as well as Bart aimed their Supersoakers at your tits, where water shot out of the plastic waterguns and to your tits, soaking your shirt.

The fabric was dampening and clinging to your skin, especially your tits, and your nipples are poking out of your top.

They were aiming and pointing their Supersoakers at your chest and tits, trying their best to soak your breasts and wet your chest, and they were doing a good job!

The water was very cold, but it's supposed to be cold, and hit you quite hard.

You were trying your hardest to keep your balance and stand up while you got hosed down, not fall down to the ground.

While you're getting sprayed and hosed by these 4 wrestlers, you're lifting your hands up and cried out, albeit not crying out like you're getting raped or you're hurt, more like "woo hoo!!" and you're in a wet T-shirt contest.

Your mouth is spreading an agape, ear to ear smile, looking like Stacy Karter/Miss Kitty/the Kat when she took her bikini top off and flashed the crowd her tits at the end of 1999.

While your tits are peering through your top, Shawn, Triple H, Billy and even Bart are all loving this, and their faces are clearly showing it.

"Yyyyyeaaaaaaaaah!!!!" Shawn and Triple H roared, albeit not in unison, their mouths widening and spreading huge smiles across their faces as well as Billy, and Billy has such a cute, infectious smile (so does Shawn and Triple H, for that matter).

Bart's not really as mischievous as Shawn, Triple H and Billy are, nor is he as well known.

You just hope when you're outside, you don't get arrested for indecent exposure.

Your nipples aren't the only thing poking out of your shirt, your areolas are also showing under your top thanks to these 4 wrestlers hosing you down with water.

Shawn, Triple H, Billy and Bart all tried to soak your tits with water, making sure to get plenty of water on your breasts.

As they're hosing you down, you writhe and sway your hips slowly, trying to look hot and sexy.

"Yyyyyyeaaaaahhhh, baby!" Billy exclaimed.

Shawn made a corny, cheesy "wolf whistle" at you while you swayed your body back and forth, left and right.

Wonder if anyone can hear them outdoors?

While they're hosing you down, Billy honestly isn't as hot as he was back in 1997 or in 1999, thanks to him cutting his hair in that stupid 90's teen heartthrob mushroom haircut.

He probably did it so he won't be involved in having a lot of sex and orgies with you and he's trying to turn you off.

So you're imagining it's Billy in 1997 when he had his usual blond hair hosing you down.

Even when he had that stupid RockaBilly gimmick last year that didn't get him anywhere, he looked hot (except for when his hair was that unflattering dark shade of brown).

You wish Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, Davey Boy Smith, even Bret Hart and Stevie Richards could all be in front of you and hose you down with Supersoakers, they're missing out on all the fun.

But Bret dislikes you and dislikes the WWF's current Attitude era due to having so many oversexualized women, yourself included.

Your hands moved from the belt loops of your shorts to the bottom of your top, where you slowly began to lift and pull your top over your torso and over your tits.

Under your top was your bare tits with no bra underneath, showing these 4 wrestlers your tits that you've shown them before already, they've even sucked and came on those tits before!

Their eyes and facial expressions were growing wild, although they were growing wild even before you started taking your top off.

"Yyyyeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!" Shawn roared and exclaimed, looking like he did a few days ago when some Jenna Jameson lookalike in the audience flashed her tits at Triple H.

Triple H, too, especially loved seeing your tits, so did Billy.

While the water hit your breasts, the water hit your skin quite hard.

They still were pointing their Supersoakers at your tits, soaking them, the water dripping down your body.

You've told them while walking down the hallway to outside that you want these 3 to act like their DX characters, although Shawn and Triple H in real life really aren't much different from their DX characters.

When your shirt was above your breasts, you held the bottom of your top above your tits, where you began to shake and wobble your chest and breasts back and forth, your tits wiggling back and forth.

"Yyyyyyyyyeahhhhh!!" Triple H exclaimed, Shawn "wolf whistling" at you.

That wasn't all you did, you also bounced a bit up and down, jumping up and down on the ground, making your tits bounce as well.

They absolutely loved this, shouting and sounding like men in the crowd when Sable or whatever hot WWF diva (yourself included) strolled into the arena.

Should you take your shirt completely off or just have your top above your tits?

Your tits looked so shiny under the sun, which was a turn on for these men, but you hope you as well as these men don't get sunburned.

You, on the otherhand, had a huge smile across your face much like these male wrestlers, making high pitched "woooooo!!!" noises like you're partying.

They'd all love to hose your entire body down and not just with water (ifyknowwhatimean), and they may as well.

You moved your hands from your top to the front of your shorts, where you unbuttoned and unzipped your shorts.

The men saw where your hands were going and what they were doing, and they really got excited.

You turned your body around and now showed your backside to these 4 wrestlers, where you slid your thumbs under the holes of your shorts, letting your thumbs hold onto your shorts.

You began to pull your shorts down left to right, shaking your hips left to right, showing these men your ass.

Under your shorts was a thong showing your ass cheeks off.

Their eyes and facial expressions grew wild seeing you show your ass off, shouting like they're typically doing in this moment, so they aimed and pointed their Supersoakers to your asscheeks, shooting water on both cheeks.

The water is trying to penetrate through your ass cheeks, only to spill down your cheeks instead, wetting your ass.

Your thumbs slipped out of the belt loops of your shorts, where you moved your hands in front of your ass cheeks.

You proceeded to beat your ass cheeks like Triple H did in December 1997 when he was in a white thong with Shawn (that rhymed).

Wonder if you should take your thong off?

When the water hit your skin under the hot sun, it felt so relieving considering how hot it was outside as well as inside.

In April 1998, Triple H promised to pee on the audience and it was implied he was jizzing on them, only to be revealed it wasn't jizz, it was just a Supersoaker.

Looking back, you wish he could've used that Supersoaker and soaked you with it, getting water everywhere all over your body.

Billy could've joined in on this fun as well.

Not to mention, last year, Sunny and the Headbangers did a Supersoaker commercial.

You regret that you didn't get blasted with water shooting from Supersoakers carried by Shawn Michaels, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, RockaBilly (as he was known as last year), Davey Boy Smith, and even Rob Van Dam and Bret Hart in the summer, that would've been awesome!

So many hot guys shooting Supersoakers at you and cooling you off.

While Shawn, Triple H, Billy and Bart do think you're a beautiful woman, they probably would love it even more if they hosed down Sable, Jacqueline, Debra and/or Terri Runnels: sexy women in the WWF circa 1998 who also just so happened to have huge breasts.

Speaking of divas, after being hosed by Supersoakers, not too long after this moment...

Since this year, the WWF is beginning to have bikini contests with their women, you talked with the WWF creative team about having a "wet T-shirt contest" involving most of the female roster.

They, especially Vince Russo and Vince McMahon, LOVED and adored this, and yup, there was a wet T-shirt contest involving you and most of the other female roster.

Why? Because Attitude era and boners.

Sadly, you didn't win the contest, but you don't mind, really.

(Confession: I have thought of setting this fic on a "Monday Night Raw" episode in late July 1998 where the fem reader in the ring gets sprayed and hosed down with Supersoakers by DX and Bart Gunn, but...)

 _______________________________________________________________

Uploading this fanfic on the last day of summer.