#got kyman on my feed

[cybers-shithole]

how it feels to see a ship you HATE on your feed

[n0ncooll2]

RANT FUN WITH VEAL TIMEEEEEE

ok so the first rantable part of this episode is 2 minutes in when after they go to a veal house and learn that baby cows are being slaughtered tmr their proactive asses +butters -cartman decide to try to save the cows so the most logical thing is to drag cartman into and sneak into his house in the middle of the night and wake him up and then they start insulting him saying “we are going to save the baby cows fatass” and “because they’re gonna get slaughtered tmr butthole” it’s like bro didn’t even do anything you wake him up and force him to do shit and then insult him for no reason and then cartman points this out and tries to go back to sleep then they try to reason with him and then butters points out that they were trying to use him and then cartman farts in Kyle’s face 🤣 and then they’re there so then they break in and then cartman says hurry up I’m freezing my ass of and then Kyle says you need to freeze some of your ass off and then cartman unprepared says at least I have an ass??? Why they talking about each others asses kyman? And then they bring the calfs that can’t walk to Stan’s house and butters bring a leg calf exerciser thinking it’s for baby cows and then stans mom the police and the baby cow rancher comes in Stan’s room so then stan just slams the door on them now Ik Stan’s just trying to be a good person Kyle’s just following Stan around and being clingy and butters and cartman were forced to do this but this is wild and then Stan’s mom being scary like all moms rapidly bangs on the door but Stan doesn’t care so then Stan says if any of you guys want out just say so so cartman says he wants out and gets shushed and then they agree to sacrifice themselves for eachother always except for cartman so then they gather the parents and Kyle’s mom is confident Kyle will open the door but he resist and then Kyle’s moms also scarily rapidly bangs on the door so then butters dad comes will butters open it or will he not find out next time on dragon ball Z

Jk so then butters prevails with a little help and then cartman being logical says what are we gonna do stand here till we starve and then Stan says their parents are bluffing and then ms cartman gives them food and Stan says he’s never eating meat again and cartman said he’d become a pussy and then feeds the cow beef jerky so then the FBI comes to clear it up what is this a tutorial on how to find out if your a MAIN CHARACTER? And then they have the neogotiator on the phone so then they give the phone to cartman as it’s no secret that he’d be the best at not getting tricked and instead tricking them with his smarts and then cartman is AMAZING at this and I think when he sees Stan getting worse and worse (with spores he got from not eating meat) he kinda starts trying more like he gets them to change veal to tortured baby cows and then the negotiator ask them to come out so cartman takes one look at Stan (with now more spores as he didn’t eat meat for a while) and agrees so then the police tricks them and follows their semi truck with Mr ward in it (which cartman negotiated along with a missle and guns) so cartman uses his 8 year old smarts and says reduce speeds to 45 and maintain distance and then the police double crosses them but it doesn’t matter BECAUSE CARTMAN GOT THE WORD VEAL CHANGED TO BABY COWS sorry I had to emphasize the cartman part when he saved the day so then Stan’s in the hospital because he didn’t eat meat and the doctor said if they waited any longer he could’ve become one giant pussy oh wait wasn’t cartman also right about that so then Stan says he learned something and ends the episode but cartman was hella smart this episode

[jewpacabruhs]

thoughts on heiman?

i got this like two weeks ago sorry for the late reply

ok so i wasnt big on the s20 and s21 heiman kyman kydi love triangle bullshit but it def was a big deal, because it told us a lot about kyman’s current dynamic, & how cartman might act in a relationship, & how kyle would react to his being in one - lotta good shit. i won’t talk about kyman tho, i’ll stick to heiman. keep in mind i havent seen these eps since they aired but i jus reread summaries so i could recall & answer. so from my recollection, and from meta conversations ive had with my kyman buddies about what the whole heiman plot meant - let’s get started.

first off cartman has a singular basic need, and it’s attention. he’ll try to get it in various ways, and usually the easiest way is to act like an asshole. he gets negative attention that way, but it’s something. and the main four aren’t the healthiest bunch to each other, but they consistently hang out with cartman and pay attention to him, because they are friends, after all - and that’s generally enough for him. i think kyle’s the most important piece there, as he never can disengage like kenny or stan do - and it’s canon that arguing with kyle is cartman’s raison d'etre. so when the whole skankhunt deal happened and cartman got abandoned by everyone, all the people who provided him consistent attention, he went into a weird place, because for the first time he was alone with himself and alone with his thoughts. and for someone like cartman, that’s not fucking good. for anyone who has Bad Thoughts in their noggins, staying distracted is the most important thing in the world. and cartman no longer had anything to keep him busy - no social media and no friends.

but then he met heidi, and he went “huh. so this is what positive attention feels like?” and then all the lovey-dovey shit - i think cartman struggles with being genuine, so he emulates media with a lot of shit, including his desire to be antagonistic and badass. and while i think he might be cuddly with a future boyfriend (kyle), with heidi it jus felt performative and false. it felt like him 1) trying to show off to everyone and make a scene, and 2) trying to do the things he saw others doing, to the point of excess, to prove it was “real”. cartman always has something to prove. and why heidi went along with it, they don’t really tell us, but the assumption is she just likes romance or whatever & was like “aw this is sweet i like this”... simple as that yanno.

but then it got too much for cartman, and he sabotaged it. i think for certain personality types, too much of a good thing really gets to a person. it can get overwhelming, frustrating, annoying, boring. i say this because i think cartman and heidi’s relationship was too soft. that’s why he started to get awful again; it wasn’t stimulating enough for him, and he started lashing out to try to generate something. he craves relationships (platonic or not) where he can fight with someone - even if you don’t ship kyman, it’s clearly why he likes kyle so much; cartman feeds off of tension. so lacking tension with heidi caused him to be disillusioned - so he started to act the way anyone acts when they’re with someone who irritates them and aren’t good at hiding it. i don’t think he meant to mold her into something he could handle - i think she did that on her own. some people adapt in dangerous ways (ie losing themselves) to please their partners or friends. heidi’s apparently one of those people.

so on heidi’s end, she suddenly didn’t know what was causing cartman to seemingly dislike her, but she didn’t want to give up what they had, she was invested and liked him a lot - likely felt they had a genuine connection. so she enabled his behavior, and deteriorated into someone as unhealthy as cartman in an attempt to please him. i don’t think cartman’s toxic as a whole, but he could easily be in certain situations, because he’s the type who attracts passive insecure types (heidi & butters, namely) & causes them to pick up his traits in order to appeal to him more, or to handle his company better, really. that’s why he needs someone like kyle or wendy, who aren’t as malleable and are significantly more self-assured. he needs to be put in his place, and to be held on a tight leash. when he’s given control of situations, everyone suffers. 

now i don’t remember how kyle fit into things & i’m extremely sick rn so i don’t have the energy to rewatch like i oughta before writing smth like this, so i won’t get into that. but yeah … heidi and cartman only worked when cartman was faking. maybe if he was healthier as a whole they might’ve worked, but as of now cartman’s got too many unchecked issues - honestly, no one deserves to be with him in his current mind state. he’s too destructive, and he drags others down with him if they’re, frankly, dumb enough to get emotionally invested. he needs constant stimulation, man. he collapses in on himself without it. and that wouldn’t change even if he got better - he’s just, hah, high maintenance. so i don’t think him and heidi would ever work in any circumstances. they’re simply not compatible. sometimes opposites attract, but other times, they fucking,,,, eat each other broh. metaphorically and such. heidi needs someone who will let her love them unconditionally, and cartman needs someone who will give him tough love.

also, at the end of the day, i think cartman’s very gay and i hc heidi as a lesbian, lol. so within fanon i like them patching things up in ms/hs & becoming bffs - i think they’d get on well as friends, just not lovers. in a platonic setting, heidi might be a calming positive presence for cartman (and a nice reprieve from the guys, who r prone to teasing each other), to keep him out of trouble but not in a sharp or stern way, just in a “not worth it, eric” way, and cartman is fun and wild and might be a nice change from heidi’s more,,, composed & judgey girl friends. he also wouldnt let her dwell or get too involved in stuff that might hurt her, i could see him bein like “nah do this with me instead”; cartman’s not very intuitive, i just think he would always wanna do what he wants instead of what someone else wants, but that might be good sometimes, might keep someone prone to getting overly invested in smth from getting in too deep. like he’s a bit shallower but i think that might be good for somebody emotional like heidi to be around. yuh. that’s all i got.

[parti-pooper]

(Diff anon) Hmm, Cartman is in constant need of attention; if Kyle, Butters or Kenny don't provide it, he'll likely go to Stan. Kyle's moral complex is either grounded with Stan or destructive with Cartman. (With Kenny, probably neutral) Stan with Kyle offers contrasting views. (Stan and Kenny dissociate Kyman antics) And Kenny, while he enjoys his friends, he's the definite loner. (Cartman's extroverted nature causes him to respond more. Kyle and Stan don't quite give the same effort)

Yeah, probably. In the specific circumstance where Stan is the only one willing to hang with Cartman, I feel like Cartman would hang out with Stan then. Though, I don’t see that happening, because if even Kyle has had enough that he doesn’t want to hang out with Cartman (keeping in mind, Kyle already puts up with a lot of Cartman’s bullshit and even seems to seek it out most days for the sake of an argument), then Stan (who is pretty passive and has a zero-tolerance policy on anyone’s bullshit, except his own) is even less likely than Kyle to give Cartman a chance. Likewise if Kenny’s not giving his BFF the time of day either, even being as tolerant of Cartman as he is, then it’s not likely that Stan is. Like, just because Stan is the only person who can give Cartman any attention in a situation where everyone else is too mad at him to, it doesn’t mean Stan will. He’d only do that if he, too, had no one else to go to. So the scenario would have to be not only that Kyle and Kenny are both done with Cartman’s bullshit while Stan is not (which is already unlikely), but also that Kyle and Kenny (and probably Wendy, too) have fallen out with Stan at the same time as well (which is just even more unlikely). If it happens, it happens once in a blue moon. Saying that, an episode where Stan and Cartman only have each other because they’ve gone and pissed off all their other friends would be interesting to see. Kind of like when we got to see Butters and Cartman work together in S09E06 The Death of Eric Cartman.

I have to agree, Kenny doesn’t seem to affect Kyle one way or the other. Mostly because Kyle likes hearing himself talk, let’s be real, and Kenny’s just too quiet to bat a real, riveting conversation off. Not the kind of conversations Kyle likes to have, at least. As you said, it’s contrasting views. For example, Kyle likes to get at Stan for being too sensitive, or at Cartman for being too insensitive. And then there’s Kenny who’s just…there. A comfortable middle-ground. And Kyle doesn’t know what to throw at that. So, love him as he may, he just never knows what to say to Kenny. That’s how I feel about their relationship. So I agree when you say that Kyle - and Stan, too - don’t give quite the same efforts to Kenny as Cartman does. But I’ve always felt that Cartman can see more of himself in Kenny than the other two can. Kyle and Stan’s families are fractured, but whole. (See what I did there?) Still kind of fucked, with Kyle’s domineering mother and disingenuous father, and Stan’s unstable parents and bullying sister; but, I feel like they can at least still make it out okay. Cartman and Kenny’s families are just broken.

One has a struggling single mother who is naive and incompetent and probably pretty neglectful. The lack of structure or discipline in Cartman’s life tells us that. She’s got to leave him home alone a lot to go to work, I’d wager, so he must feel lonely and abandoned. And when she is home, she’s just pacifying him with food and toys, and letting him get away with saying and doing whatever he wants, so that he will stay with her and keep her loneliness at bay, her one and only friend. Even when she’s had enough, she can’t stop him. She’s stood up to him so little, she has no idea how to now. When she tries, he can easily turn it around on her. He rules his mother. And she ruins him. And Kenny, well. His parents drink and smoke and can’t keep a job and beat each other up as well as their children. He lives with little electricity, no heating, and barely any food, stuck in a crappy and cramped house that’s falling apart, with a family that already has. Kenny has no respect for his parents, and seems to tolerate them more than love them. He’s not close with his big brother, it doesn’t seem, and can’t rely on him. He has so little. And whatever he has, he gives everything away to Karen, because she is everything to him. Yet, try as he might, he knows he can’t protect her from that place, no matter how many capes he dons. She’s starving, and cold, and hears abuse every day. She doesn’t even have a window in her room to let the light in. And that’s worse than anything to him.

Cartman and Kenny both have it absolutely shit. So I feel like they can relate to each other, in that way - in a way that Stan and Kyle, with their full, cosy houses where mom and dad always come home to feed them and teach them right from wrong and tuck them safely into bed, can’t relate.  And maybe it’s why Cartman’s more willing to meet Kenny halfway, as quiet and tepid as he is. And I’m glad he does, because I don’t know if Kenny would’ve had anybody otherwise, if not the boys. And when he’s with the boys, he can spontaneously break into happy jigs at pan flute music on the street. He is that comfortable around them. And I’m happy he has that comfortable place in them that he can escape to, when the rest of his world is so bleak and confusing and scary. And I’m sure all the boys feel the same. Even if they don’t always get each other, or know what to say to each other, or want to hang out with each other. They’re friends. They’re family. They’re home.

…Gosh, I really went on something there, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I get carried away talking about my boys, heh! Anyway, yeah, I think you’re onto something, Anon. Thanks for offering your insights! uwu

[traitor-boyfriend]

I got into a civil debate with a kyman shipper about Cartman secretly crushing on Kyle, but what worries me is that said person confuses sadistic lust and a hate filled obsession with love. Idk I just find that kind of worrying? Of course not all kyman shippers, but this specific one didn't really know the difference. Like they were using what happened in Imaginationland as proof of romantic feelings...how. I don't hate said person, it's just very...worrying

ugh. so this particular ask has been sitting in my inbox for.. honestly i can’t even remember. two weeks? probably more. and it’s cos there was something very specific i wanted to articulate and i’m not sure i’ve necessarily found the right words but i really want to have this answered so lets hope i find them along the way

anyway, i think that’s what’s particularly bothersome to me about the idea that cartman is capable of having a healthy, loving relationship w anyone, least of kyle; cartman approaches everything through a lens of competition and domination. we literally just had an entire season of this with heidi – . she remarks at one point that a relationship isn’t 50/50 but 100/100, which is a nice sentiment if your partner had ever once brought 50% to begin with. cartman’s relationship was one of self-preservation and convenience; she had been exiled from the inner circle of kids through social media around the same time as cartman. they were both experiencing this kind of isolation, so to cope, they do it together. even then in season 20 there are obvious misgivings on cartman’s part about his feelings for heidi in the last few episodes, suggesting that a lot of his transformation was merely performative as a method of blending in and trying to soothe his ego by working his way back into the spotlight by behaving in a way that’s socially advantageous. but once cartman *is* back to his normal spot within the group, that’s when his relationship with heidi sours, and when an entire season of manipulation and gaslighting begins. christ, he tried multiple times to literally have heidi killed. worse yet, seemed appalled at the suggestion that stan, kyle, and kenny wouldn’t help him do it, or by kyle’s indignant plea that he just break up with her and leave heidi alone. there was no need for cartman to get heidi off her vegan diet. i think he just wanted to see if he could, and he did, b/c cartman can’t help but act maliciously when presented w someone who is so completely and totally under his thumb b/c his desire is not rooted in being someone’s equal. it’s in being superior, being dominant, being the one to come out on top in even the most mundane or self-created form of competition.

take for example cartman’s fixation w rape: it’s obvious cartman doesn’t necessarily see his mother as an autonomous human being but rather an object that serves him, and i think that’s the root of his anxiety in “insecurity” at the idea of a stranger breaking into his home and assaulting his mother – b/c he views it as an act of degradation against his property, not out of genuine concern for liane. in the first coon episode, cartman see two grown adults who, by every possible indication, are on a date that is going very well. the man asks her consent to kiss her, and when he does, that’s when cartman comes out of the woodwork to stop this supposed crime. it’s an obvious joke about cartman’s delusions of grandeur in being a so-called vigilante in that he isn’t actually thwarting any real crime or even the threat of it, but it’s interesting to note that cartman views even the most innocuous of romantic situations as an assault. in tfbw, when doctor timmy uses his psychic powers on cartman, he remarks that timmy is “raping [his] mind.” he has an extremely warped view of sex and romantic relationships. there’s more but i don’t have the time to comb through and list them.

there’s a lot of arguments surrounding whether or not cartman is capable of change, and i think the answer is a very plain no. do i think there’s potential in tempering some of the more extreme aspects of his personality? sure, it’s possible i guess. but as far as the brunt of who cartman is, no. it’s the entire purpose of his character. matt and trey have said this time and time again – cartman is meant to represent the very worst not only in themselves but in anyone. in people. cartman is the human embodiment of id. you are not supposed to think positively or cartman.. the ten yr old obese nazi murder child is not to be revered; it’s the antithesis of his character. and yeah, kyle often has a naive optimism that cartman can change, but this has less to do with any positive feelings he has toward cartman and more an example of kyle’s compassion being illustrated as a situational flaw. he’s been betrayed enough times that he should know better by now than to trust in cartman’s ability to act in an altruistic or considerate way, yet that belief in compassion is vital to kyle’s moral outlook, so he keeps believing despite all evidence to the contrary. and he’s not alone! ii know a lot of people reject this not out of a love of cartman but more of a basic sympathetic belief that everyone is capable of change – which is a noble mindset! and at it’s core i believe that. human plasticity is incredible, and there are a lot of really great and sincere activism done around helping people reform and repent vile and oppressive mindsets, but south park is not reality – you treat reality within the context of societal norms of the show. neither will cartman ever have access to any such kind of therapy or behavioral rehabilitation. he is too far gone. it began and ended w scott tenorman; there’s no reformation after that. i can’t believe i’ve seen people argue that “well, he didn’t actually -kill- scott’s parents!” as if that, like, makes the act of him desecrating their dead bodies and grinding them up into raw meat and then feeding the remains to their child (also, his half-brother) more palatable. i believe this was a very deliberate hole matt and trey dug themselves into; up until that point cartman had mostly just been an ignorant, mean-spirited bully, so transforming his character by having him orchestrate something so genuinely evil,  he has carte blanche to be as vile and disgusting as their hearts desire

now. this is what’s especially worrying about his relationship w kyle. we’ve seen time and time again that cartman fosters a genuine distrust and dislike and actively enjoys seeing him fail – specifically if he can be the one to make it happen. this isn’t necessarily what i think, but it’s something i’ve seen suggested and i don’t think it’s outlandish to believe cartman could have some sadistic, pyschosexual fixation on kyle given my previous assertions wrt his views on sex, love, his relationship w heidi – but that’s all it could be. it’s a violent, selfish, purely physical fixation b/c, above all else, cartman is in a constant competition with kyle and it doesn’t end until cartman is utterly bested and brought to his knees or he wins. kyle is his rival, and as that, cartman has an innate responsibility to oppose kyle at every turn and try to bring about his downfall. even if they’re capable of being neutral, or even friendly, those times are few and far, the truce is always broken, and doesn’t come close to just how often cartman delights in seeing kyle victimized by none other than cartman himself. remember humancentipad. remember ginger cow. remember imaginationland – which trey parker has said himself on the commentary that cartman’s obsession with having kyle suck his balls was not out of some secret romantic desire but was an obvious and explicit act of dehumanization and humiliation. not to mention cartman’s racism and anti-semitism, and the endless degradation kyle experiences on a daily basis for being jewish. cartman despises something so innate and so personal and wholly woven into the very essence of who kyle is, it’s beyond me how anyone thinks this is something kyle could see past this or something cartman would want to have anything to do with other than destroy it (which, again, he has tried. lol)

it really, honestly, truly baffles me that anyone thinks cartman 1.) could have positive romantic feelings for kyle or that 2.) cartman and kyle would be capable of having anything other than a strictly unhealthy, malevolent, abusive relationship. and it’s more baffling (and, yes, very worrying) that someone could so blatantly remain oblivious or misconstrue that level of obsession with a genuine romantic partnership

tl;dr: yeah that’s very worrying, cartman is incapable of genuine love, some people are unable to change and he’s one of them, cartman’s desires are always selfish and self-serving in nature, he and kyle would never have a romantic relationship and if they did it would be an absolute unbridled disaster of sadism and victimization, it’s 3:08 a.m and i’m going to bed

[jewpacabruhs]

for your prompt thing,,, “are you fucking insane” for kyman? thx :)

Kyle’s come to expect a lot of bizarre things happening randomly and inexplicably, that’s just part of the South Park experience, but Cartman climbing through his window in broad daylight is not one of them.

“What the fuck,” Kyle says, sitting up quickly so the textbook he’d had in his lap tumbles down onto the bed, falling onto his papers and probably bending them - of course, he’s a little too distracted to care. “Cartman, what the fuck!”

Cartman stops, red handed, one leg over the stoop, the other still out. Kyle was aware of Cartman’s tendency to creep into his room at night, and he’d taken to locking the window before going to sleep in order to keep him out, but never before has he had to worry about Cartman dropping by at 3:24pm on a sunny April day, while it was wide open to let the breeze in as he did his homework.

“Hey,” Cartman says simply. 

He bends over to set something on the floor, a little black box like one a newly purchased ring would be in, and Kyle has a moment of panic: is he proposing? Oh my God, he’s proposing, what the fuck, we’re seventeen-

Cartman straightens up again, says, “Au revior, Kahl,” and then spreads his arms and drops backwards out the window.

“Are you fucking insane?” Kyle shrieks, voice reaching an octave he hasn’t hit since before puberty. He rushes over to the window, heart pounding because Cartman’s a fucking idiot, but he’s not usually stupid enough to make Kyle have to actively worry about his safety and well-being. Kyle did not sign up for this when they started dating.

On the ground, Cartman’s laying flat on an inflatable bed manned by a grinning Kenny and a concerned Stan, and behind him, in big blocky letters that appear to be made out of cut up red and white KFC buckets glued together, it says: “Go to prom with me or no head!”

Kyle flushes bright red - he’s flattered and impressed, but his pride comes first. “Cartman, what the fuck? Put that last part away before my mom sees!”

“Quit bein’ a tight ass and open the fucking box!” Cartman yells, and Kyle glares at him, but dutifully bends to pick it up. He gingerly opens it, revealing a small silver-plated ring. It’s plain and simple, no glamour or decoration, other than a wavy groove going down the center of it, all the way around. 

“Look at the inscription, babe,” Cartman calls, and he’s smiling, more genuinely than most people could expect from him - but Kyle’s seen this side of him several times, now that they’ve dated for a while, and it never fails to make him realize that he’s definitely very much in love with the asshole. 

He pulls the ring out and looks down at the inscription, feeling his heart swell with something sappy and warm, and reads it. 

“ur gay lol” it says, all lowercase, in neat cursive.

Kyle wants to be annoyed, even mad, but somehow, he’s laughing and smiling at the absurdity. Such an elegant grand gesture, but still with a pinch of immaturity; exactly what he’s come to expect from Cartman. Unfortunately, he’s whipped enough that he thinks it’s endearing - most of the time, anyway. “No, you’re gay, and an idiot, too,” he calls down, because he’s kind of at a loss for words. 

“Yes, I’m both, and that’s why I’m so powerful,” Cartman says. He flips Kyle off, and at first Kyle’s about to shoot him the bird back, when he sees that he, too, is wearing a ring; his, of course, is encrusted with some kind of gemstones. It’s hard to see from this high, but they look green. “I absolutely got this for myself and then decided I should get you something to match, but ay - best you’re gonna get. So how about that prom?”

Kyle decides he can be just as dramatic; he puts the ring back inside the box and sets it on his desk, then disappears for a minute, going over to his abandoned homework and ripping a blank page from his notebook. He writes “yes” on it in huge, scrawling handwriting, then returns to the window. “Throw me a rock,” he orders the guys. “Like, a big-ish one.”

Cartman turns to Stan. “You heard the man! Get him a rock!”

Stan frowns up at Kyle, but dutifully goes to get a decently size rock from the yard. 

“Hit him and I’ll feed you your parents,” Cartman tells him.

“Randy would taste stale,” Kenny comments.

Stan eyes Cartman, a bit fearfully, before tossing the rock up at Kyle. It doesn’t get enough air, and falls down uselessly two feet to his left.  

“You throw like a girl,” Cartman says. “Gaywad.”

“I don’t wanna hit him or the house,” Stan retorts. He tries again, a little harder, and Kyle catches it easily. He wraps his response around the rock, tapes it quickly, then chucks it as hard as he can at Cartman’s head.

Cartman shouts and jumps out of the way as it hits the ground with a hard smack! “Ay! Stoning gays isn’t allowed anymore, asshole!” But he bends to pick it up anyway, and smiles down at it. 

“You guys are fucking weird,” Kenny says, from where he’s standing a few feet away, hands in his pockets. “Your wedding is gonna be, like, you two sword fighting to the death or some shit.” 

“What’ll the bachelor parties be like?” Stan muses. 

“Oh, fuck the bachelor parties; imagine what the sex is like,” Kenny says happily, like the wonderful perv he is. “Royal rumble, I bet.”

Stan makes a face and says, “Gross, dude,” but Cartman and Kyle barely notice their friends’ banter, too busy with each other. 

“Clean that mess up before it blows away, and then get the hell up here and kiss me, you asshole,” Kyle tells Cartman.

“Okay!” Cartman exclaims. “Clean up, guys,” he tells Stan and Kenny, before going over to the tree near Kyle’s window and ascending it with record speed.

“I have a perverted comment to make, but I will spare you,” Kenny tells Stan, watching Cartman literally fall through the window to get to Kyle. “Man, isn’t love wonderful? I just got the urge to fall in love. You free Saturday, Marsh?”

Stan flushes and starts picking up the crudely-made KFC letters. “I can clear my schedule.”

Kenny smiles at him. “Love is in the air!” He pulls a small box of condoms out of his pocket and chucks it through the window. “They’re ribbed!” he yells. “You’re welcome!”

The Broflovskis’ car is in the driveway. “You and Cartman really underestimate Sheila’s wrath,” Stan mumbles. “If she sees or hears any of this-”

“What’s she gonna do, kill me?” Kenny picks up an O off the ground and peers at Stan through the hole. “Who are you going to prom with?”

“We can talk about that on Saturday.” Stan’s holding a stack of the letters; on the ground remains ‘th me or no head’. “Hey Cartman!” he shouts. “Should I throw these away?”

For a moment there’s no answer, and then Cartman yells, “My mouth’s full! Do whatever!”

Kenny starts laughing hysterically, and Stan makes a face, but then he’s laughing, too, at the sheer absurdity of this whole day. It’s been crazy and weird, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.