#grief does manifest for the dead as well as the living i have learned very harshly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Whoo, requests are open! Can I get Azusa Mukami, Ash Launders, Lau, and Grell Sutcliff with a darling who's a ghost, or something akin to one? Thank you, please take your time with this and remember to take breaks when you need to!

I recently talked about this with my friend, but both of us are amazed with how popular Ash actually is. He suddenly became so beloved in here. Not that I complain😏.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, self-harming behavior, kidnapping, killing

Ghost s/o

Grell Sutcliff

🟥Grell is a grim reaper and for that probably met ghosts quite a few times ago. Ghosts are souls from people who didn’t find peace yet and whilst humans can’t see ghosts most of the time, other supernatural creatures can. Grell feels sometimes a bit sorry for ghosts whose souls are tight to this world until whatever doesn’t allow them to Rest In Peace is solved. There are exceptions though, it isn’t unheard that even after the issue was solved, ghosts decided to stay, mainly because they started enjoying life as an undead once again. So at one point such examples were counted in the supernatural community as well.

🟥If her darling should be a pure ghost, it depends on whether they still try to find a way out of this world or are one of those who decided to live forever as a ghost. If it’s the first one, she would definitely try to make her darling enjoy life once again since she doesn’t want them to leave. She wants to give them happiness once again and would try about everything to make them feel joy again. If it’s the latter case, she would switch from a worried mother mode in a totally fascinated one. She did meet ghosts before, but normally they are more of loners since they grief over whatever they couldn’t finish during life. So having a darling as ghost makes her more interested since ghosts aren’t that known to other magical beings.

🟥Hopefully you know how to manifest yourself or else Grell will get really pouty since she’s clingy. A ghost can learn to materialize their body so others can touch them even though that takes practice. Girl loves you just very much to the extent where she often wants to jump on you and tackle you in a hug after a boring day of work...which ends with her being met with the ground of you don’t know how to control it or did it on purpose. It also tends to scare her a bit if you suddenly pop somewhere up without her knowing since you can just walk through objects. There was this one time where you were looking for her, ending with your head popping up through the ground right in front of her. And Grell might be able to handle, blood, zombies and other gore stuff, but not this. It ended with her screaming startled.

🟥If you’re not dead, but just possess the possibilities of a ghost, the whole walking through walls and turning invisible stuff, you’re most likely a hybrid because believe it or not, in materialized form ghosts can create or bear children too. And half breeds have been since the earliest days always been a more risky topic. Many creatures are still lacking the openness to accept persons from two different kinds since many are still in the classic belief that only the same species should have children together. It leads her to being more overprotective over you since she doesn’t want you to endure hatred and racism from others. She’s fiercely overprotective in that regard.

Lau

🚢He has a weird fascination with such things, at least in my opinion. He might only be human, but he has awareness of the more otherworldly creatures on this planet and his assistant, Ran Mao, herself appears to be some sort of superhuman as well. He has probably heard a lot of ghost stories before, either from his own country or here, in England. And he is somewhat good in telling when a story was just made up so the person could suddenly gain attention or if there is a spark of truth in it. He has a nose for stuff like this and actually likes listening to such stories.

🚢So expect his obsession to very quickly grow if his darling should be a ghost even though he would hold himself back if they are unhappy due to their unfinished business. He is manipulative and is also, despite being good in hiding it from his darling, very greedy and mercenary. He might not show it, but he has every intention to make his darling stay with him, even if that means ensuring that whatever they need to do in this world will never be finished. If you are that kind of ghost who’s happy with their new life, he would be much more open with his curiosity, expressing his interest in your abilities and also backstory. Especially if you should be a lot more older than your appearance gives away, he would be keen on your story. If it should happen that you were murdered and the killer is still alive, that guy will join your kind maybe very soon if they have regrets in their life.

🚢He’s also interested in how your anatomy works since he’s an expert in it. He of course wouldn’t use you like some test subject, but he is just kind of interested how you are able to turn your whole body in one moment in something thinner than air and in the next moment into something that appears to be flesh and blood again. He also kind of likes it to touch through you since your transparent body has a certain coldness around it which gives him goosebumps. It’s a great contrast to when you have materialized and are in possession of a warm body which leads him to being even more touchy than usual. Lau finds it also always very amusing whenever you suddenly appear out of thin air, your abilities are such a breath of fresh air for him. He tends to be a bit surprised, but is good in hiding it with his usual mysterious smile.

🚢He can only guess that a half-ghost like you are one isn’t very beloved in this world. Lau of course doesn’t think you, he finds it highly interesting that you are a mix from two different species, he never thought ghosts could actually create babies. If there’s the possibility, he would like to meet your parents and talk with them, especially the parent who’s the ghost. It kind of leads him to wanting to isolate you a bit since he doesn’t want some other creature trying to kill you since different from a normal ghost you can get hurt by weapons and die like a normal human even though it’s harder to do.

Ash Landers

▫️Whilst he definitely is informed about all the other magical beings existing in this world, he stays away from pretty much everyone, even his own kind. Ash is just embossed from his obsession with purity and doesn’t think of anyone as really worth living since everyone is tainted by greed, lust, sloth and other unspeakable sins. He even hates his own kind since many angels protect the exact lowlife he wants to get rid off, believing that every life deserves living and given a chance. He is somewhat alone with his crazy goals, but he doesn’t mind.

▫️I think Ash with a ghost darling isn’t a very good mix, a horrible if I’m being honest. For the simple reason that you already died and merely your soul remains on this planet, either because of your own free will or because you carry a burden with you. You’re dead. That should say everything to why Ash is experiencing the true deepness of madness and terror someone could never possibly begin to imagine. He failed, he pathetically and utterly failed to protect the only person who actually deserved a happy and good life. It makes his whole life shatter, next to his already screwed up sanity. It does not matter if you were killed, died in an accident or because of a deadly sickness. The village you lived in will be blamed and slaughtered by him.

▫️He’s horrible to act with this because I have this terrible thought that he will not only not allow you to leave, but also desperately try to search for ways to somehow get your soul back into your body or will find a vessel in which you can live. He does not care if you want it or not, he doesn’t even really care if you’re happy or not. Dead is dead and he wants you alive. He would get incredibly prone and torn apart if you yell and cry at him that you don’t want it, that you want to die finally in peace or like being a ghost. You just don’t understand!! HE HAS TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE ALIVE AGAIN!!!

▫️With you being only something akin to a ghost, a hybrid in here, the situation would still be very tangled, but a bit less than with you being an actual ghost. I see Ash as someone who usually despises hybrids, but you are made the only exception from this. It isn’t worth saying that he isolates you since he would do this in all scenarios, even though he also does it in here due to fearing that someone might talk down to you because of your unidentified species. He kind of thinks he’s the only one who can truly cherish you for your whole beauty. You might have an advantage since you can just sneak past him whilst invisible, question is if you’re heartless enough to let innocents suffer under this because Ash can and will burn whole cities down if it leads him to getting you back.

Azusa Mukami

🔪I don’t think he ever met ghosts or other otherworldly creatures before even though he lived a pretty long life. It stands even open to question if he is aware of the existence such other creatures. Whilst he does know that vampires exist, he himself is a half-blooded one, he is not really too informed about other creatures and might even not really cared about it anyways before meeting his s/o. His brothers on the other hand considered the fact of other magical beings on this planet.

🔪He is saddened that you are already dead, it doesn’t matter since how long you’ve already been. It’s still very upsetting for him, especially if you should be mourning over something you couldn’t do in your life as well. I do see him as someone who might actually possess the selflessness to let you go if you’re really desperate despite knowing he’ll die without you. So it’s up to his brothers to find ways to bind you to this earth because they’re scared what Azusa will do if you should ever disappear and leave him alone for eternity. With a darling who likes their current body and is satisfied with themselves, Azusa will be happy as well and be in love with you and your fascinating powers.

🔪But please let him touch you. He is clingy and likes having physical contact with you and if you aren’t able to manifest yourself and hurt him, he will become overtime more desperate. His brother also realize the problem with you being able to escape anytime you want from them except if you make this place your new place to haunt for eternity which all of them hope. Whilst he does like feeling your actual warmth and body, he still finds your ghostly form appearing, the feeling of cold and lingering touches everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time. I do not know if ghosts possess blood or anything like this, I doubt it. So that means at least you don’t have to worry about him eventually giving in to temptation.

🔪He will never be able to understand if someone should dislike his s/o if they should be somewhat of a half breed. As I mentioned, I don’t think he really cared much about the possibility of other beings existing and certainly not a mix made from more than one species. It does add up to his worshipper tendencies since apparently people like you are not very common. He thinks you’re wonderful. As a half-ghost you might have blood inside of you, if it’s from a human is another thing to discuss. But Azusa is from all vampires the one who wouldn’t want to suck your blood, even if it drives him crazy. And even if his brothers try to force him, you can abandon your materialized form anytime for your ghost body. You give Azusa’s brothers honestly a bit of a hard time with your abilities, it’s mocking for them in a way.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere grell #yandere grell sutcliff #yandere lau #yandere ash #yandere ash landers #yandere diabolik lovers #yandere azusa #yandere azusa mukami

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bigbadredpanda · 4 years

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Hi, I have another question if you don't mind! Lots of people say while he was dead wwx didn't age mentally, so he's much younger than lwj or jc in the present. This always confuses me, because when he comes back he looks much more mature and calm compared to how he was before, so if time didn't pass for him, if he was the same as before, how could that be? ----

Hi, pleasure to see you again! This question is a very interesting one, I don’t have a straightforward answer to explain Wei Wuxian’s character development while he was gone, just a mix of several conjectures:

- Wei Wuxian was dimly aware of the passing of time while he was dead

As you’ve mentioned, to the question how did Wei Wuxian spend his time during these thirteen years, MXTX said in her own words that “he was in a muddled state, not quite fully conscious but not unable to feel either, it is like being trapped in an unending nightmare”.

Although it’s unclear just what kind of recollection he has from this time, we also have some insight from Wei Wuxian’s thoughts just after his rebirth as he wakes up by being kicked by Mo Ziyuan for playing dead (ch.2):

魏无羡半死不活地思索： 本人作古多年，真的不是装。

More dead than alive, Wei Wuxian mused, “I’ve been dead for several years, I genuinely wasn’t faking.”

他怎么就被划分成“十恶不赦的厉鬼邪神”了？

虽说他名声是比较差，死状又非常惨烈，但一不作祟，二不复仇，他敢发誓上天入地绝对找不到一个比他更安良本分的孤魂野鬼！

How could he be classified as a “ferocious ghost of the most irredeemable kind”?

Although his reputation was substandard and his death happened in particularly miserable circumstances, he did not haunt the living or seek revenge. He could assert that one could search heaven and earth and not find a more peaceful and well-behaved wandering soul in the wild.

The concept of afterlife is not well-defined in the lore of this story but there is evidence that Wei Wuxian does know that time has elapsed since his death and retained some sort of awareness.

- Wei Wuxian is highly adaptable

When he is the only one concerned, Wei Wuxian is not fazed by much, not even by death itself. When faced with the prospect of losing his right hand due to Wang Lingjiao’s cruelty, he is able to discard his fear and focus on a new objective (ch.57):

恐惧过后，魏无羡咬了咬牙，一狠心，心道：“……也罢！要是能换家里的安宁……一只手就一只手，他妈的大不了老子今后练左手剑！！！”

After the fear passed, Wei Wuxian gritted his teeth and hardened his heart, he thought to himself, “... Fine! If that can be traded for peace at home... A hand is just a hand, if it comes to that, I’ll fucking learn to use a sword with my left hand!”

That’s an aside but in this part of the text, Wei Wuxian does not use the regular first-person pronoun 我, he employs 老子, a cocky way to refer to oneself that is used when one is furious. It comes off in Chinese as a bit of a boast, as a manifestation of his indomitable spirit. In comparison, in my first example (“I’ve been dead for several years”), Wei Wuxian uses another first-person pronoun, 本人, a humble way to refer to oneself. This kind of little details is unfortunately easily lost in translation ^^’

Even in the worst situations when there is no hope left, he is able to bounce back and carry on just like after he was thrown in Burial Mounds.

- Wei Wuxian came to terms with the events of his past life before meeting his end

There is a vital part of the timeline that is not explored at all, the three months between the Nightless City massacre and the siege of Burial Mounds that ultimately resulted in Wei Wuxian’s demise. We have this blank between two key events in his life and not much to shed light on his physical and mental states during these last days. He lost his shijie, annihilated thousands of cultivators and passed the point of no return. He found himself back at Burial Mounds with only the last surviving few of the Wen remnants. He must have known that he was cornered and that there was no way out. I don’t think that he just gave up and resigned himself to his own fate though, that’s not in his temperament. I imagine that he must have tried to do as best he could about the things that were still in his control. Perhaps setting up some last defenses. Making contingency plans for the Wen remnants. We do know that he destroyed one half of the Yinhufu so that this ominous artefact would not bring tragedy again.

Three months is a relatively lengthy period, I don’t think Wei Wuxian could have left unaddressed all the pain, the grief and the guilt he surely felt. The philosophy of his character hinges on his ability to let go and move forward (ch.24):

江厌离说，他天生就是一张笑脸，一副笑相。无论什么难过都不会放在心上。无论身处什么境地都能开开心心。听起来像是有些没心没肺，但这样很好。

Jiang Yanli said that he was born to smile, it was his natural expression. No matter what hardships he met, he would not take it to heart. No matter the circumstances he found himself in, he would be able to find happiness. This sounded a bit simple-minded but it was a good way to live.

So I believe that despite it all, despite the overwhelming despair and hopelessness, he still managed to come to terms with all that happened and faced his end calmly with no regrets.

#answers #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #mdzs meta #kameeee

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suncaptor · 4 years

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thoughts on sam w ocd + the mystery spot ep and how it affected him afterwards

I think one of the important things about the episode to note is how Sam’s symptoms increase significantly under stress or when he has no other way to cope in terms of compulsivity. In the six months where Dean is dead he (in a very stereotypical way, as if written with that stereotype in mind without a full understanding of it) is acting much more compulsive than any other point, and it is like... what he falls back on to cope as well as something that depression/stress/grief makes worse. Which is often true with OCD. I also think this shows a lot of other personality traits Sam has that are somewhat linked into this obsessive way of coping in general, but they’re not as straight forward I guess and they come from his father as well (who is a very obsessive driven person, but I’m not going to go into that), but like how when Jess dies the only way Sam knows how to cope is through dropping everything else and only focusing single mindedly on 1 thing: finding the thing that killed her. He also starts having different obsessions become way more intense around this time that I think define him and all, but again somewhat getting off track (Dean’s way of grieving may also be wrapped up in revenge often, but it’s never the same way Sam’s or John’s is: it’s more a learnt response from them than a drive). Now I’m sorry I’m like not simply going off DSM5 symptoms here I just think they’re extremely limiting on actually grasping how the OCD brain works and responds to stress responses, but more lay a groundwork of noticeable symptoms at the surface.

ANYWAYS I think that like most people if you showed them Mystery Spot would see Sam as an archetype of a neurotic obsessive-compulsive type. Gabriel’s entire like.... goal was to show Sam the inevitability of Dean’s death to try to force some sort of preparation from closure on him, but in the end it was a total failed result.

One thing I think is super interesting about this episode too is the way that it is a time loop, like it is specifically catered to try again and again to get Sam to realise Dean will die and let go, yet no matter how many times, Sam will never stop. Now like, I think on a surface level this is obvious and just because Sam and Dean cannot let each other go (Dean would not have stopped trying for Sam too, even if I think it’d be in different ways), but also like, that is the nature of OCD in a way, like Sam is living through a worst fear again and again, and no matter what he does there’s no way to accept and move on. Now, this is obviously designed for someone to fail because the stakes here are literal (which I think is super interesting about Sam’s OCD constantly: it has literal ramifications and is often allegorical, though in most circumstances it’s a matter of chicken egg and this is obvious). But genuinely, I think you could take Sam’s mind in general and see this sort of nature like it is one of the episodes where you can see his psyche so clearly, how he thinks, how he processes information, how deeply he grieves, how deeply he represses (did Dean ever learn that Sam was just alive obsessively trying to bring him back to life for six months straight?).

And like, I think it sets season 4 up really clearly: Sam doesn’t care about anything, but trading places in Hell for Dean and if he can’t do that, he sure as hell isn’t going to live without him. The only way, Ruby is able to get through to him is to redirect his helplessness towards objective obsession which like marks all of season 4 because Sam cannot let go of it even after Dean comes back (granted, he has logical reasons, but he always “has logical reasons” doesn’t he? (that being, Lilith is trying to start the Apocalypse)). Ruby is only able to get him to stop risking his life in increasingly suicidal situations while abusing alcohol by redirecting that energy towards killing Lilith. Now like, I think John would respond the exact same way, which by no means means he has OCD, but it just shows this like response set up we see in Mystery Spot. No matter how many times Sam goes through the same experiments (the same thought loops, the same worst fears realised over and over again), he cannot break free of it. And then the fears are realised for real anyways, so it’s reinforced, and his OCD ends up being allegorical (spent his whole life feeling impure? well he has demon blood. obsessively terrified of hurting others to the point of begging his brother to kill him? role in the universe involves starting the apocalypse). There are no logical reasons for his obsessions, and his personality is not actually determined by these factors: his fears just become self-fulfilling prophecies.

So like, I think beyond that of just simply I think anyone could look at Mystery Spot Sam and see a cliche representation of OCD when he’s grieving, the entire premise is set around these manners of taking Sam’s way of thinking and making it physical and manifested literally in front of him.

#I'm so sorry this is so long I hope I actually answered your question at hand #ocd sam winchester #mystery spot #sam winchester #ocd sam #spn #supernatural #tw alcohol #tw substance abuse #tw suicide attempt #s4 #sam and dean #ocd #sammy #incoherents #ask #anonymous #Anonymous

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sanoiro · 4 years

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Lucifer Meta Post - Tether Me

I have seen and read many meta flying around regarding this song but none seemed to satisfy me. On the contrary this is a song that downright confused me since I watched the episode, therefore the circulating explanations or meta given were not enough for me. I’ll not say they are without merit, they are just not clicking the right way with my mindset of all things Lucifer.

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Since August I’ve wondered why they didn’t reverse the songs between 5x05 and 5x06 meaning why they didn’t use ‘This Year’s Love’ for the ending of 5x06? It would have made sense I thought albeit it would also be cheesy. On the other hand, the commitment that was expressed and the step taken in 5x05 while Chloe comes to her realisation that they chose each other makes that song quite perfect. Especially as it echoes the 3x23 scene and kiss.

In 5x05 Chloe manages to take down the killer on her own - albeit with Amenadiel’s help - in the same way she uncovered the killer in 3x23 with Charlotte’s aid. Both episodes then end with the party who comes to a groundbreaking realisation to seek the other. In 3x23 Lucifer comes to Chloe while in 5x05 Chloe goes to the Penthouse to find Lucifer.

“If you do not need me you are working with me all this time because you want to. Because you choose to. You did choose me.” - Lucifer 3x23

Then Lucifer goes on, that he was procrastinating to face the present as he was afraid of his feelings, that Chloe wanted him because she had seen only certain sides of him and if she knew all of him she would run. Yes, Chloe did ran but from Season 4 we see that the same issue happens with Chloe and it also manifests spectacularly in 5x03 and in 5x05.

Is she a mere human that one day Lucifer will realise she is not worth it? The fact she is a miracle is that the only thing of value she has? Is the rest of her that insignificant that her existence and her relationship with Lucifer is based on the grounds she was designed for him, meaning that there will be another toy or distraction in the near or far future for him? Toys after all are meant to be played, used to promote growth and knowledge and sooner than later are disposed in storage or a bin. Learning experiences are not meant to be revisited when sucessful and as a parent Chloe knows that.

All the above are relevant believe me.

And now back in 5x05.

“His theory is that you choose to be vulnerable around me.[...] If you choose to be vulnerable around me then I chose to be vulnerable around you.” - Chloe 5x05

Now this is what leads us to the use of “Tether Me” as the chosen song in the sex scene of 5x06.

As a form of habit I always go back to AGN a fic, not really worth your time, but since day one I knew how it would end. Lucifer in the comics #75 (last one) - of the first and original series - says that “Perhaps this is the ultimate freedom, eh Dream Lord? The freedom to leave.”

In a twist of words and due to life experiences I thought to turn the tables a bit there and say that the ultimate freedom sometimes is the freedom to stay.

Lucifer as a series has explored free will and freedom a lot and we were always so fixated with the concept that freedom is a synonym of breaking free, of getting away, running. But since S2 when Lucifer in 2x14 came back to Chloe despite knowing she was a miracle and directly connected to him, in his opinion, we see that freedom in the end was not of him being liberated by this manipulation but setting his own terms into the situation by deciding to stay.

The same thing happened with Chloe in S4. She stayed in Lucifer’s life despite his relationship with Eve and his internal and external Devilness and as we saw guilt manifestation. So now we can take the concept of “Tether Me” on a whole new level. Shall we?

First of all. Tether Me.

The definition here is to practically bind someone. But they are bound out of will and so the freedom they seek is through the commitment they make on their own terms, time and ways to express it.

The physical connection as has been said before surely, is not just about sex. Many opt to forget or disregard the fact that Lucifer stayed celibate for thousands of years in Hell and then when he came on Earth he never sought a companion as he had done every time he visited Earth for millennia. Not even when he believed his time on Earth was limited and his relationship with Chloe impossible to progress.

The fact the above is always brushed aside bothers me as it shows not just Lucifer’s emotional state but also his maturity and commitment on an ‘idea’ and a person. For the first time his coping mechanism for an emotional attachment through carnal gratification is rejected because the alternative is more fulfilling even though the consummation on any level up to 5x05, is deemed improbable.

Lucifer emotionally and spiritually, as we may say, like Chloe since the end of Season 4 have, on a basic level, bound themselves to the person they love. They willingly surrendered not the option of being with someone else but their whole entity to the one they loved.

But many poets have praised love stories that were never consummated or were led to tragic endings like Romeo and Juliet as they brought forward a commitment that lacked the difficulties and grind of what may come next. It is why such love stories, see the Titanic one, are viewed as pure and everlasting. That was Deckerstar before 5x06.

In 5x06 the bounding each character experienced as an individual on the mode of surviving external pressures and grief, now turns to a new entity of two joined parts.

As Lucifer and Chloe decide to take the leap we listen to the singer singing “Tether Me”.

On a very simple way we can say that at that moment both characters stake their claim and on a cognitive BDMS level they allow the other to vine them. Do not mistake it as surrendering. They both equally maintain their identity but they commit to something that started since Season 1.

In Season 1, Lucifer asked if Chloe trusted him and she said yes. Now in 5x06 we see that trust blooming.

As characters, Chloe and Lucifer could never commit. Chloe in Season 1 lamented over the fact that Dan was not committed to his family as he was too preoccupied with his job but throughout the seasons we see that her commitment had to do with loosing her ground and allowing to be patronised in many ways. She believed that allowing her partners to take control over some aspects of her life, like with Dan in 3x11 where he was an authoritative/mentoring figure and then Marcus in the same way she was committing to that relationship. It is also interesting how she stopped doing that once Lucifer entered her life.

Lucifer told her to trust her gut, he didn’t question her authority although he did go his way when he wanted to. When Chloe was backsteping for him he didn’t walk over that space albeit for several reasons. Her silly attitude in 2x12 was met with mistrust while in 4x08 he was truthful on how he was tired of being placed in a pedestal or be expected to act a certain way.

So from Chloe’s side, her relationship with Lucifer in 5x05 finally reaches the point where as a person she does not back down to accommodate him and that is cherished because there is a difference between settling things as couple and letting others degrade you for a relationship to work. It is also why Deckerstar in a way it’s a healthy relationship despite all its ups and downs.

Lucifer on the other hand as we have seen since Season 1 he has been very assertive to his sexual relationships but in the kisses of 2x11 and 3x23 he let Chloe set the pace. The only time he initiated a kiss due to the circumstances it was in 4x10. Now in 5x05 we see both of them start their decision to progress their relationship to a sexual one.

For a being that constantly fled any form of commitment and abhorred notions of surrendering power and control it is interesting to see his choices in 5x06. First of all if we go back to his sexual history we shall see for example how his lovers in 2x14, were all describing a person who took control in the bedroom as he knew their desires and became a tool to fulfill them. You cannot have an emotional connection to a tool as you may very well know hence why none of Lucifer’s lovers ever looked back or would ever be willing to kill for him. Additionally in 3x13, it’s interesting of how Lucifer exhibits himself as a giver to the Korean mob boss. A tragic self-awareness if we want to be honest.

We can say that Lucifer is mainly a pleaser but at the same time he rebels when he is enforced or constricted by something. It is why like the song describes (Pull me back, out of my body I'm tied to my limbs They're spinning me out of control) being bound to yourself gives out this sense of vibration, where you want to be set free but also cocooned into a blanket of security. Because sometimes it’s not about setting a person open like a starfish but making sure to sooth their violent tremors and let them rest than be painfully rigid.

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Now let’s follow the rest of the lyrics.

In the corners of my mind Long forgotten, lost in time Turning stones to look for light It's dark out here in the dead night

Always in my perception of things, the theory of relativity is prominent here in my opinion. It’s about time and how when we are alone time seems unclear, passing but it creates a still numbness, overthinking and we are getting lost in a self-constructed mind maze. Basically what has happened to our characters througout the seasons. While they doubt themselves, trying to find a meaning behind each other’s reactions and decisions and even the world they live in.

The ‘light’ part, for me at least, it’s a synonym of time. Of change and change often brings hope and progress. I mean progress is based on the concept that time exists and is passing so everything can only move forward whether they like it or not, but where can you find light and thus time when you are in a state of self-isolation from your wants and feelings?

So in 5x06 we see Lucifer and Chloe stretching out only to let the other in. Their awareness of freedom is having the other in their arms, to emotionally and physically consume them until there is no clear indication they were once two separate beings, but careful we are talking about their emotional connection. As I have aforementioned, they retain their attributes as individuals and as we see in 5x07 they word and respect each other for that. About what is shared and how a relationship is not the end of ones self but neither the surrendering of everything that makes you unique.

Change is never easy and never slowly paced and it is why the line of the lyrics:

For a moment, I was gone. Speed of light right to the red dawn.

For me it’s when the clock starts ticking from both ends without that meaning it’s a countdown. Mornings are set to be the set of new beginnings after all but they all require a sacrifice, a red one in preference. Hence the:

In this space, do I belong?

Breaking insecurities is hard as one set of them is replaced by yet another and it is a great song if we get it under that scope. That a relationship and particularly sex is not the resolving of everything but the transcription of yet another set of adventures down the road.

And the:

It's dark out here in my own thoughts.

Will remain a part of Lucifer’s theme in P2 but also in Season 6 so no idea if they went that far in the meta level but knowing your partner needs helps and there will be dark spells, after all bad spells it’s part of life. There is no easy fix as you will see. No matter what will be resolved, a troubled mind will remain one. The question is how you will tackle the difficulties and the bad days or moments. That is all. And the difficult moments will also be the good moments. Weird thinking for some I know but we cannot expect life, even a made up one to be perfect or even easy.

So Tether Me.

Bind me in a safe place alongside you, without the possibility to harm you or myself, to be free because I’m with you and the perception of how grand a world is, it’s but a matter of debate and time.

#lucifer meta #tether me #lucifer 5x05 #lucifer 5x06 #deckerstar #lucifer season 5 #lucifer season 5 part 2 #lucifer s5p2

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years

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WandaVision Questions

SPOILERS for whole series of WandaVision

Here is a very long list of questions that the series has still not fully answered & ones that they have..kinda...answered already:

I’ve separated the questions by Character/Topic they are referring to.

I do not think we’ll get answers to each of these. There’s just not enough time. Even if the finale is the lenght I’m hearing it is. But several..yes. And more will be left as “cliffahangers” and expored in other/future MCU projects...

WANDA

What or Who did Wanda see exactly during that Mind Stone experiment in Sokovia? Did she see a vision of her futrure self as Scarlett Witch? Did a past or different Scarlett Witch appear to her? Did the “vision” pass the crown on to her, choosing her as the next scarlett witch [Find the Goddess within]? Did she “absorb” the figure she saw? Did it just appear to her as a “vision” from the future or past..or a different dimension? And who exactly was it? BASICALLY ANSWERED in 1x09

Is Wanda a born witch or a born mutant? Her powers seemed to first manifest at around age 10 [10 = X = x gene]... same is happening to her Twins in the hex. This seems to suggest she was born “different”, and the mind stone just awakened & heightened her powers.

When did Wanda go to SWORD? How much time had passed since Tony’s funeral & her talk with Hawkeye? Same/Next day or a bit/week later?

How did Wanda know Vision’s body was there? Was the info in his “living will” or did Avengers have that info on file somewhere? Who told her this, and when? (no-one was there for her & no one went with her because they are all in “not good” state: Hawkeye & Scott are reunited with families, Hulk is healing, Old! Cap is just...old, Thor & guardians are far away, Nat & Tony are gone. Spidey & Rhodey & Wakandans didn’t know her.. And everyone’s a mess, grieving, too. So... that’s why she is alone, cause she really has lost everyone who is close to her... no one left...)

How much in control is Wanda...by now? Has it been all subconsious or does she understand what’s happening? She seemed to create the hex unintentionally, just as byproduct of her grief. And at first she does not seem to understand it’s not real. But just like Vision, she, too, seems to become more & more aware of what’s actually going on. At first she keeps saying she means no harm, but by episode 7 she is questioning if she maybe is the bad guy in the story. How aware is she by now? And will it be about acceptance & letting go (of the ones she’s lost)...as she takes the hex down? Cause this is about her going through the stages of grief... (so I have prepared to see Vision die...again... with big fireworks, I guess...just like Tony’s IM suit army did for IM3 christmas fireworks show...cause everything seems to point to this...it’s the most logical concusion to the story...even if I/we all wish there was another way...) Everything points to 3rd ep being the turning point. The birth of the twins & losing some control of the illusion, mention of something from actual reality trigger her waking up from the dream. Cause while she first sensors the broadcast at the end of ep 2 already (No!), I’m not sure she’s yet aware of things yet. But throwing ot Monic...seeing herself do that...affects her. But she does not understand the full extent of it all til the very end...when she “feels the peoples pain”

Is there any meaning to Wanda playing with the fingers of her hand when she’s asking to be let in to see Vision’s body? Maybe it’s just a stim, but it almost looks as if she’s trying to play with a wedding/engagement ring that’s supposed to be on that finger/hand?

Was it Wanda who edited the footage from the Mind Stone experiment Strucker did on her? Or was it the "Mind Stone”? Because that editing (rewinding time) looked very similar to the editing that’s happening during WandaVision broadcast.

Is this about Wanda learning to use, control & understand her powers...just as much as it’s about her letting herself grieve? She needs to “access her powers (the yoghurt) or it’ll all turn to chaos...? ANSWERED in 1x09: YES!

What exactly are Wanda’s powers & what do they mean? It almost seems like she’s a living form of all 6 infinity stones, channeling their energy inside her. During the Hex she’s demonstrated that she can also “rewind time” (time stone) - the editing. I’d say it’s easier to say what she can’t do than list everything that she can do.

Was Wanda actually already pregnant BEFORE creating the hex? Was the “for the children” chant also subconcious, like many other things/lines? And did she give birth to the kid(s) in the hex..or was that birth “not real” & she’s still expecting when the hex comes down? If she was before Hex, then that’d mean the twins can & do exists outside of it, too. Because it’s only been a few weeks since Scotland for her, so who knows... Or maybe their origin is more magical (blipped back into the wrong womb...Wanda’s? Created by her...cause “she was all alone”) And since FFH showed us that the world did not seem to be in total chaos, instead recovering, then how & why will things change about 8 months from now...and things are “on pause” til then? Cause FFH takes place 8 months after WV. One thing that fits this timeline would be human pregnancy, and then the birth process creates chaos (I still think all the glitches during the twins birth were caused by Wanda...cause she lost control of details on the hex...for bit...not agathas doing), and that’s why multiverse is “ripped open” only then, not now. #wildtheory OR...are both general public & Peter unaware of what really happened in Westview?

VISION

Which Vision will win the Vision vs Vision fight? Well, the show aansered this question already in episode with the line: “The death rate of single men is twice that of married men". This means Wanda’s Vision (Hex Vision) will win over Hayward’s Vision (White/Spectral Vision...Ultron). The question is how will Hex Vision “die”?. Cause as much as we’d all love for a Vision to survive, he can’t... for the show (and Wanda) to get closure. Will he die in battle or as the hex goes down? KINDA ANSWERED in 1x09: HexVision did win the “confrontation”, but he was also the one who “died”/Wanda said goodbye to as hex went down.

What happened to Vision’s body after the Wakanda Battle & Thanos’ snap? How & why did he end up at SWORD? [not stay in Wakanda, or go to Avengers/Tony? When did SWORD get a hold of the body? When Maria was still running the place...and Avengers “trusted” her or did Hayward somehow pull some strings after her death? Is this related to Sokovia accord, and based on them the body/vibranium belonged to the government? Cause it sounds like they had him before Tony’s death 3 weeks ago? And Hayward used that trust put on SWORD, when he got promoted & turned things around, including starting project “Cataract”] Seems like he had been there ever since the Snap, but was safe until Hayward took over. Cause no way he had time to complete the project in just few weeks since Tony’s death. So... someone trusted SWORD at some point...before the shady Hayward took over...without anyone suspecting anything.

How exactly is Hex Vision “alive”? Is it just Wanda’s magic...is she powering him through herself/her magic? Is it cause of the Mind Stone she “created” for him? We knew from ep 2 already that this Vision is not real real. Their stage names confirmed it - he was “Illusion”, and their act was a magic trick cause the whole hex thing was a “magic trick”. And if you reverse the roles, then this line from ep 2 tell you what Wanda did...when she broke down: “Fear not, Glamour, for I, Illusion, wow to bring you back exactly as you are.” She brought him back (looking like) exactly as he was...even if his past memories are missing. KINDA ANSWERED in 1x09

How real is Hex Vision? Seems he is connected to the Hex & cannot exist outside it, but it also seems that he is very real inside the hex...made of vibranium, and able to feel & connect (even if he has no memories of life before hex), and evolve, and use powers. And though Wanda wanted & tried to control him (and the kids), she doesn’t seem to be able to do so. Vision 2.0 seems to have his own “sense of self”, & free will. He seems to exist (within the hex) outside of Wanda & think/decide for himself. He’s not her puppet that she can control (like everyone else is).

Will Hex Vision 2.0 be able to survive outside the Hex in some way & form? [eg. merging with White Vision] If they will merge the Hex Vision & the White Vision, then will he be complete [if Shuri’s downloaded data will be added] or will he remain an emty shell, rebooted & loses all his memories & humanity? Would they do a repat of the Gamora plot with Vision, where a character will have to re-learn everything to become the charcter they had become & re-create the connections she/he had already formed? Or will he die/sacrifice himself...for others...again? (especially cause this is all about Wanda having to accept her loss & grieve... for real...so in many ways he has to be dead/die...for that to fit the shows main theme) BASICALLY ANSWERED in 1x09

Will Hex Vision live [at the end of WV]? The shows theme (Wanda needing to grieve her losses), and the FFH tribute to fallen Avengers seems to suggest that Vision has to & will die again/not survive the hex (but Cap was also listed as one of the fallen, so... who knows?). But they can still explore all those themes if he continues to exist, because Wanda has still not properly grieved her parents & brother. And since they have brought up the fact that he is a synthezoid (not regula human), and talked about being a combination of “AI” & physical body, then the idea of the two being separated & re-connected has been introduced. Based on what we know - Vision’s character traits, Wanda’s grief journey...we should expect him to sacrifice himself again...for others/to save her/others. It’s just who he is. Just like one of his sources, Tony. The only question is if he’ll survive despite trying to sacrifice himself for others to live, or not?

If VISION survives, then what form will he be/take? Will it be the White Vision (emotionless empty shell), the Hex Vision (without past memories, but otherwise same as he was before), comnibation of both when they merge (giving us the original Vision back)? Or some other form? I mean...Paul Bettany started as the voice of Tony’s AI, then he transformed into Vision, so maybe he can change “form” again? Vision has already, kinda, “died” three times... 1) by Wanda’s hands in IW, 2) by Thanos ripping out the MindStone & 3) when exiting the Hex in ep 6. And before all this, they were preparing to separate him from the stone, because MCU Vision can survive without the stone...even if he might lose some parts of himself without it... Shuri just didn’t have enough time to complete the task... (but there should be enough that there is a chance to bring him back in the future og MCU, I’d say...)

Did Wanda create both the vibranium & The Mind stone for the Hex Vision? How? Is Agatha correct & she is capable of spontaneous creation (Nexus Being)? Based on current evidence this seems to be the truth.

Is that a real Mind Stone on Vision 2.0′s head? If so, then how & from what did Wanda create it? Or is that just a fake jewelry decoration on his forehead? We saw that an object looking like Mind Stone was the last piece she “created” when she created Hex Vision...you can see it “fly” towards the just-formed-vision, but what is it really? Did she create it...from nothing, from the “atoms” it had become? Did she “take” it from another universe?

How & why can Hex Vision set others free of Wanda’s hex spell? Is it Wanda’s powers that were transferred to the new creation? Is it the Mind Stone?

How & Why does hex Vision seem to have Pietro’s “quicksilver” superspeed ability? [my take: Wanda, in her greif, gave her new Vision 2.0 both her Vision’s & her brothers abilities, cause she was still grieving them both, so subconsiously she did that..or The Vision always had that ability and I/he was just not aware of it/never used it before]

Did going through the Hex barrier change Vision 2.0, too? (like it did with Monica?) Does it affect everyone & everything that enters/exits? Did it change something within this Vision? Or did it not affect him in any such way..cause hes made of vibranium?

When did Vision buy that propery for them? Seems that he did before the events of IW. It fits his lines “what if I don’t go back”...And based on the state of the property it seems like the construction of their house/home had started before the Snap (foundation laid), but then everything was abandoned...

Does Hex Vision sleep? Cause The Vision is/was a synthezoid, so he should not need to sleep, but does he close his eyes & “kind of sleep” & does Hex Vision do the same? Because he seems to miss all the decade changes between the episodes on WV. He “wakes up” only to see that Wanda has changed things...again... In otehr words...how does he miss the moment when they move from one decade to the next? PS. The Vision doesn’t eat food, doesn’t need to sleep, don’t grow old like humans..etc..but for Wanda he cooks, “sleeps” next to her, buys a house to grow old in... #feelyourfeels

What is up with Hex Vision’s eyes? Is it just my imagination or have they changed, a bit? In some scenes they looked more “human” & less “robotic”? PS. They re-create Paul’s eyes in MCU, making them machine-like. Did they just miss doing that for some scenes on accident? Or was it changed on purpose? Or did it just seem so to me?

What was the meaning of the Dead!Vision vision that Wanda saw in ep 4? Was it just one of the ways Agatha was messing up things..trying to make Wanda “wake up” and deal with her greif? Was it Wanda losing control of the hex dream for a moment & being reminded that her “original” Vision is actually still dead...and looks like that? The Dead!Vision & Dead!Pietro moments reminded me a lot of Dead!IM/Tony moment from FFH, where Peter sees him “raise from the grave” It’s all Mysterio’s illusion, based on a script written by one of his team, but it works cause Peter is grieving his mentor, so it “feels real” to him.

CATARACT VISION

What is the purpose of White Vision? Who/What is he/it? Ultron? White/Sooulless machine? Does he have Wanda’s Vision’s memories & all? Why was White Vision looking at his left hand, when he was rebooted [Ultron? Vision..looking for a wedding ring and/or lookig if his hand is still there cause he saw its pieces being pulled back to the hex?] ANSWERED in 1x09

What exactly was Hayward’s/SWORD’s plan with Vision’s body? Just to rebuild & reboot him into a weapon? [that goes against the Sokovia accords & Visions living will]

Why & How is Tony’s (new element) triangular arc reactor now on White Vision’s hear in place of the Mind Stone? How did Hayward get a a hold of that?

What does it mean that the White Vision, after being powered up (rebooted) & opening his eyes first looked at his left hand? Is this supposed to be a reference to Ultron (AoU)...and he was checking out his new perfect form (Utron los his arm in AoU, so was he surprised his new body had it)? Was it Vision looking for a wedding ring (do the different Visions share data automatically & hence share memories?) or checking if his hand is still intact (not flown back to the hex as he stayed outside?)

What is “Project Cataract”? Well...cataract is an eye “disease”, which causes the eye to be look white/gray & it can cause double vision. So the name is very fitting. Hayward’s “vision” is the double, and he is white like cataract...

Is the White Vision we see in ep 8 mid-credits scene the same Vision that we see in parts in the ep 8 flashback scene? Who is working at SWORD with Hayward? How did they manage to put him back together, add the “arc reactor” to his head & do a paint job...all within a week? Cause it’s been a week since they gave Wanda the show with the parts on the tables. Or is this a copy? Their fist copy version of him? [in a real magic trick everything is fake] ANSWERED in 1x09

THE TWINS [Billy & Tommy]

Are the Twins real? Who & How created them? [did they come to be through procreation and are Wanda & Vision’s offspring..somehow, or were they created in some other, more magical way? From what? When & How] AKA did they follow the comics canon or change it (how much?)?

Will the Twins survive the Hex? Can they exist outside the hex? Does it depend on whether they were created inside the hex or outside/before..or not?

Who aged up the Twins? Was it the Twins (Speed?) Based on Agnes’ comments that she & Wanda cannot control (these) kids, seems it wasn’t them. Seems it was the Twins, who did it? But did they cause the speedy pregnancy, too? Or was that..some other force?

How exactly was Billy able to hear both his dad/Vision 2.0 & Hayward (others) in episode 6, when he was inside the Hex & they were outside the Hex? What does it mean that his power extends to outside the hex, too?

Where were the Twins in episode 7? Where did Agnes hide/keep them? During those few minutes before we wee then again...”on the leash”

Will the Twins age themselves up again before the end of the series? To help their parents in the battle against the baddies? Or at the end (post credits scene, for example]? ANSWERED in 1x09

THE HEX

Why television broadcast & why WandaVision? Well It’s literally Wanda’s TELEVision we’re watching. Televised Vision. #endlesswordplay

Why hexagon(s)? Just because it’s a recurring shape in nature, etc? Or is it a reference to bees...beekeeper...Hive? Cause there is something called The Hive in MCU... And hexes & hexagons also appear in MCU a lot & the number 6 is important: Portals during space travel, inside Visions body... Also..there was 6 original Avengers & 6 infinity stones, Visions body taken into 6 parts for the show Hayward puts on for Wanda...

How & why was the WandaVision TV show broadcast from the Hex? Seems that it was Wanda who created the hex...”unintentionally”...from her grief, and broadcast the show, but why? Or did someone else broadcast it? Why did she/someone want the outsiders to see what was happening inside?

Who created the commercials? Are they part of Wanda’s sitcom & created by her, subconciously? Or are they created by someone else? Vision (TeleVision). Or someone/something else? Maybe the “light in the sky” news in Westview newspaper that Vision ead in one scene isn’t a reference to the SWORD camp. Maybe there is someone else there, too? Maybe this answers our question about how Dr. Strange has not yet sensed it & arrived there? Maybe these are hidden messages sent by someone else...to Wanda...to make her wake up from her dream? And they could even be changed by the hex into commercials insted of their original form? Or were they subconcious narating the story to her?

Who is pulling the strings? Is it all Wanda (Hex) & Agatha (messing things up)? Or is there more to it & someone/something else in involved in all of it? If so then who?

Why was the town in “ruins” & the people all so “sad” & “alone” when Wanda arrived there? Is it only because of the Snap/Blip & the town had turned this way during those 5 years, or is there more? It’s definitely cause of Snap & Blip, but I do wonder if there is more to it than just that?

Why did we only see one half of each couple as Wanda drove through the city...even if SWORD identified many of them as couples (and they’ve said couples were kept together in the hex) because it seems that one person from each couple has an “accident” during the sitcom: Vision has the “gum” issue in ep 2, Mr. Hart chokes in ep 1, Dottie breaks a glass and bleeds in ep 2...?, Are some of the other sitcom characters actually dead? (and Wanda brought everyones partner back...just like she did with her own?) But then...how & why did SWORD identify several of the couples & no-one mentioned some of them being dead? Or... are the databases incomplete because of the Snap/Blip mess (we know from FFH some people used the Snap to run & hide (start a new life elsewhere)... who weren’t actually blipped...so maybe not all dead/blipped have been reported?) The lesson might be that though the people, like her, were sad & mourning, then “you should not bring back dead”, because they had already mourned them... whether their oved ones were gone gone or just blipped gone...

Does the hex cause mutations to everyone who go through it several times? Or just people with certain X gene? Or just people, who were Blipped? [If everyone who goes through the hex gets their cells re-written, then that also includes Vision = 1x, Darcy = 1x, SWORD clowns = 1x, Beekeeper = 1x... so did they get a mutation, too?] Will all the people inside the hex get powers once the hex goes down?

Why did the “hex breached” alarms go off at just before Fietro appeared at Wanda & Visions doorstep in episode 5? Why did they go off? Who entered or exited the hex at that time? Or...was it the same alarm that was still on because Wanda exited & entered the hex? Cause we see them enter the tent after the encounter..so perhaps it was just moments ago, while a shole scene had hapened during that time in the WV freality.

Is the purpose of the Hex just to keep Visin 2.0 alive & keep the happy dream alive OR is the purpose also to keep others outside? To protect that reality from Hayward (who wants to take him to pieces & weaponize him)? Cause in some ways this invisible energy field looks a bit similar to the dome surrounding & protecting Wakanda from outsiders.

What will happen to Wanda, Hex!Vision, The Twins, Monica, Fietro, Agatha, the people of WestView...when the hex goes down?

AGNES/AGATHA

When exactly did Agatha arrive to the hex? At the moment we first saw her land putside Wanda & Visions house with that plant in episode 1? Or sooner..and she was just staying away til then?

What is Agatha’s plan? What does she want? She seems to be at awe of Wanda’s powers/creation & she also seems to be grieving, too. And she seems to want to bring someone back to life...it seems. [Ralph? Her kid(s)...cause it’s all for the children? The person for whom/because of whom she used the darkest of magic in 1693? Turn the rabbit back to the person it was before?] She sounded so hopeful when the twins told Wanda she can bring back the dead.

Why did Agatha use the darkest of magic in 1693? What did she want to do? (was she trying to bring someone back to life? Her “soulmate”, her kid?)

Why does Agatha feed on Wandas magic? Is it just a way for her to stay alive/young? Does she need to “snak on yo magic” to survive? Or does she need others magic to remain magical herself and/or to become more powerful? Has she learned to control her powers over time, cause in 1693 she claimed she could not yet. And she just seems to be impressed by Wanda’s powers & a bit jeaous that it’s taken her 400 years to learn simple spells, while Wanda can just randomly use hers...without even trying.

Why & How do none of the townspeople seem to questions Agnes...if she’s a stranger, an outsider? Seems they’re comptletely under Wanda’s control, hence don’t break character & acknowledge they do not know her?

How did Agatha get into the hex? How was she able to get in? By using magic? Some other way? How did she sneak in without Wanda noticing, and chaning her, and taking control of her? How & why did Wanda not sense her arrival if she’s an outsider? If she arrived after Wanda set up the hex, then how soon after? Did she arrive before or after SWORD had set up camp outside the hex? (we first see her after the camp is up & watching the tv show, but she might’ve been inside for longer)

Who is her mother-in-law that she mentions in episode 1 as she arrives? Just a line of or is there significance?

Who is Agatha working with/for? SWORD/Hayward? Some secret master/partner [Ralph?]?

Whose house is Agatha living in? If she really did arrive only after sensing Wanda’s magic, and coming to the hex after it was created then who is/was Wanda’s real neighbour & what happened to them? Or did the house just happen to be empty? KINDA ANSWERED in 1x09

Is Agatha’s basement inside or outside the Hex? The aspect ratio seemed to change as Wanda went from her house to her basement...making it seem like its outside the hex, but is it?

If Agatha arrived to this place just a week ago, then what’s up with that basement? How can Agatha’s secret LAIR in the basement exist “inside the hex”? If Agatha arrived after the hex was cerated then how & why wasn’t this basement transformed by hex creation? How was it set up - did it come with the house or did Agatha add it? And how is it unaffected by Wanda’s hex? If its outside hex (as the change in aspect ratio suggests), the how is that possible? Who created it/set it free of Wanda’s hex? Is it in another dimension or ? We’ve seen that enhanced indivuduals can use their powers inside Wanda’s hex, and she does not seem to be aware of everything going on. So...did Agatha use her magic & create the LAIR inside the hex during the days of the sitcom?

What are the runes in the basement about? Yes, their purpose is to “protect” the space from other witches using their magic in that space, but why hexes and why these symbols...what do they mean? And did she add them in past few days or have they always been there? ETA: Oh, they’re not so much physical objects, and more like “drawing on the wall”

What is that book in the basement? (several options) The book in the basement could be one of several important books from the comics or MCU. But when hexagons are involved, and with the kowledge that “Wanda” will appear in the new Dr. Strange film, then while I do not know what book it is, it’s most likely the one missing from the wall of books inside hexagons in Dr. Strange film. ANSWERED in 1x09

How did the book get there? If Agatha brought it with her when she arrived then how & why did it not change when she entered the hex? If it was already there then whsoe is it & what does it mean? How is it there?

Why does Wanda keep calling Agnes “a life saver”? Did she save her life/Does she think she saved her life & it’s her subconcious remembering it? Will she save her life & it was foreshadowing?

Were all the “naughty” references about Agatha just about the coming reveal that “it was Agatha all along...who kept messing up everything”? (Wanda called her naughty in ep 1 already, she wore pants with the word “naughty” on them in ep 6...)

Is Agnes the Villain, the Friend-in-disguise or the Neutral (therapist, guide)? Is she messing with Wanda just because she admires her & wants to learn from her (her own mom would not teach/guide her...how to control her powers)? Does she want to “feed on her magic” (to get more powerful herself)? Does she need her to help help/teach her to bring someone back to life? Is her plan to just get what she wants or to help Wanda while learning from her? Cause at first she seems to do everything she can to see what Wanda & Vision can do (show their powers). And she seems to want to kind of guide her...to help her “grieve”, to get her to “wake up” from the hex dream... but not necessarily in a villain way...

Why is Agnes’ magic purple? Is there a connection to Power Stone? And why are her magic tricks similar to some other MCU characters (Dr. Strange, Ancient one)? Agatha taking a piece of Wandas hair (as Strange did with Thor)? The purple “portal” door to Wanda’s past memories... kinda like Strange’s portals...to other place/time... Is it just about using similar CGI or is there a connection?

What is the significance of the broach Agnes/Agatha wears all the time? The one she took from her dead mothers body.

Why does Agatha leave the protected basement area right after she realizes who Wanda really is? She’s just found out just how powerful Wanda is, so why let her outside, where Wanda can use her powers (against her)? She should know that she has no chance against her, right? ANSWERED in 1x09

Is Agatha sincerely moved by the WandaVision moment & Vision’s quote on grief? She sheds a single tear & wipes it away. But Wanda doesn’t see her do it/is not looking at her, so this seems to be real...she seems to be genuily moved by it all, not mocking the “scene”.

RALPH

Where is Ralph? Who is Ralph? Agatha keeps mentioning him...constantly, but we’ve never seen him? And no-one seems to question it...Wanda & Vision never wondered why they never saw Ralph. Does he even exist? Did Agnes/Agatha just make himup...for Wanda’s sitcom? ANSWERED in 1x09

Is this just misdirection? is this simply about the old tv/sitcom trope where a character is mentioned all the time, but never seen? If there no other “mystery” to Ralph? Or does he exist? If so...is he one of the characters weve already seen? (the rabbit, the mailman, Hayward)

THE RABBIT (SENOR SCRATCHY)

What is up with that rabbit? Who or what is it? Agatha’s son, Nichols Scratch? Or her sons old man, Senior Scratch aka her husband? Or is it a reference to “Devil” aka old scratch (hex = 6 = 666)? That does not seem to be your usual pet rabbit, because it eats bugs/birds, and it purrs. That seems to be a cat in disguise...if not something else. And Agatha talks to it, too (though people do love to talk to their pets, so maybe that part’s not important) But this is definitely not just a pet bunny. Yet...I dont know if this is Mephisto, or some other villain. Or if it’s Wong/Strange in disguise or something?

FIETRO

Who exactly is this Pietro in the Hex? And where did he come from? Did Agatha “bring” him in from somewhere or did she just take a hold of some guy? Did she create him? Is he a Pietro from another universe? Is he just a random guy? He seems to have the superpowers Quicksilver has, but he looks different than Pietro (buried in Sokovia...with their parents, and Agatha can’t raise the dead or puppet bodies full of bulletholes, so she is just controlling some other dude) But we’ve known somethings off with him since start...even Wanda & Vision both are suspicious about the guy...since start.

Is Fietro under Agatha’s control when he sneaks up to Monica at the end of episode 7 #snoopersgonnasnoop or just snooping around on his own? Does Agatha use him as her eyes & ears at that moment AKA does she know Monica was snooping around? Or was she too busy with playing Wanda’s therapist to deal with him/other stuff?

Who brought Fietro there? Was he just another person living in WestView that Agatha controlled to get the truth out of Wanda? Did he come from outside the hex & then be taken over by Agatha? Did Wanda somehow, subconciously, bring him there/creaate him, before Agatha took over his senses? Cause we’ve seen that a lot of the things that tappen in WV are coming from Wanda’s subconcious. After she thinks of something and/or hears someone mention an idea, it becomes true. It’s like she uses the ideas she & others have to subconciuouly write the script of the next scene/ episode?

What’s the significance of Fietro’s necklace? ANSWERED in 1x09

Why did they coin the term Fietro officially on the show? I’m not into comics & I don’t care that much about merging the two (fox + marvel) universes, so it doesnt matter to me if he is the FOX universe version. But...the term Fietro can be coined from both Fake + Pietro & Fox + Pietro, so it makes me suspicious... on a show that does very little without a “hidden meaning”

DOTTIE

What’s the deal with Dottie? Who is she - just another neighbour (like “mailman” or more?) Was Agnes’ claim that she’s the key just part of her messing tactic or is there meaning in the claim?

Is there a significance to Dotties roses being yellow (while Wanda’s flowers are red & pink & Agathas are purple...in ep 7)?

Who is Dottie in reality? She seems to be one of the few “recurring cast members” from the WV show that Darcy & team watched who is not identified yet. How & why is she not identified yet? (is she Peter’s teachers wife...who pulled a disappearing act & made everyone think she was blipped, when she had just run off with someone else...so hence not identified yet?)

MAILMAN

Who is the mailman & whats up with him? Ep 8 seemed to answer that. He seems to be just a delivery guy... Or is he? Could he be also something more/else? Is he just one of Agnes’ eyes&ears (messengers) and hence the uniforms logo with rabbit in ep 7? Is he the “missing person”?

HAYWARD

What’s up with Hayward? Is he just another government baddie or is there more to it? His motivation seems to be that he hates “superpowered individuals” & wants to create and use sentient weapons [he’s gotten access to Tony’s arc reactor element & Vision’s body somehow] against them. He clearly set up the whole show for some purpose... for Wanda...

Does Hayward know more than he shows? Was he just asking about Wanda’s “superhero nickname” or was he aware of SW? If so..how? And how did he know she has the power to bring Visions body back to life? Did he just hope so (and was disappointed she didn’t try when she let her see him..in that condition), cause he’s heard she is very powerful, or does he know...stuff?

Will the WhiteVision kill him aka not be controlled by his master, or will Hayward live? Cause if we take away Tony, Bruce, Jarvis, Mind Stone & everything else, then all that’s left in that lab vision is Ultron. And I'm not sure Hayward & his team can actually control him for long...he’s gonna turn on his “creators” possibly.

What was Hayward actually tracking inside the hex? It says “vibranium decay” on the screen next to the dot, and based on that Darcy & others conclude that he’s tracking Vision (cause they think Wanda took Visions body), but is that true? Because of the dots location on the map & the fact that it is moving, it can only be tracking Hex Vision or Agnes/Agatha. But how? Is he actually tracking the vibranium Wanda created? Or the Mind Stone Wanda created? Or something else related to Hex Vision? Or Agatha? ANSWERED in 1x09

BEEKEEPER

What happened to the [SWORD agent turned into a] Beekeeper? Where did he go to? What happened to him? Why haven’t we seen or heard of him again? Not from Wanda, not from outsiders? Is he stuck somewhere inside the hex or was he “sent out” just like Monica was ep 3?

THE DOG

Where did the dog come from that the twins “adopted” in ep 3? Was it Agatha’s doing, or not? If that was Agatha messing with things then since she cannot create things, she can just transform things, then what was the dog before (her rabbit?) Did Wanda somehow create it...”unknowingly”?

How exactly did the dog die? Did Agatha kill it because the dog was digging up something/someone in her yard? Did it actually accidentally eat the poisonous plant? Did she kill it to test Wanda’s power...to see if she can really bring back people from dead... Is it even dead? Cause while it seems Vision did bury the dog, then perhaps it was not a real dog at all, but just transformed into a dog by Agatha (but then...would it not turn back to its original form after it died? No?)?

THE MISSING PERSON

Who is the missing person, who was/is in the witness program? Jimmy said it’s a “he”, but perhaps that was a misdirection. Is there even a missing person or was that just a made up story (by Hayward? by someone else)...just to have a reason to set up camp next to the hex? Was the missing person "Wanda”, was it “Hex Vision” (did Hayward somehow get info that there is a “Vision” there?) Is it the person who lived in the hosue Agatha resides? Is it Ralph? Is it Wanda’s father (he survived, but it was secret? Is it someone from the MCU past (Justin Hammer from IM2; Sonny Butrch from Ant-Man? Trevor Slattery from IM3 (since we are living inside a tv show & everyone was playing roles in Wanda’s sitcom & Shakespeare was quoted; MCU Pietro...who actualy survived?)? Is it Agnes...who is actually working for SWORD and was sent in to investigate the hex, but when not returned, was named “missing”?

Why has Jimmy not mentioned him again...for days? If he’d been one of the townspeople who have been seen & identified [info sheets on the board], we’d probably heard of it, so we have to assume it’s none of the ones who are seen on the board. Or... the opposite...he has not mentioned it again, because it IS one of the identified people. He’s not mentioned it again cause he knows theyre alive & “safe”?

Who it is definitely not? Since the events of FFH take place 8 months AFTER this WV event, then this cannot be Peter Parker & his friends, cause while he would have reason to be in witness protection after those events, they’ve not happened yet... And though this would be THE biggest shock & Mark Hamill level cameo, then since RDJ is done with MCU/Tony/IM & as much as it would be awesome, then I doubt it’s Tony, cause that sadly would make the endgame events “less meaningful” (he had to safrifice himself...otherwise the impact would not have been as strong)

MONICA

Why exactly did Monica get powers when going through the hex? Is it because she has the X-gene? Is it cause she was blipped? Or does it happen to everyone who goes throgh the hex...several times? (or just those, who have the X gene & the hex just activates it or something)

Why exactly did Monica’s eyes turn to purple, when she opened Agatha’s cellar door/when Fietro caught her snooping? Was it cause she was put under Agathas spell? Or does it have to do with her newly activated power and it’s just her “seeing wavelenghts”?

Why can Monica connect with Wanda & not see her as the “villain”? Because these two actually have a lot of common at that moment/time. That’s probably why she wants to help her, not attack her (even if she did not like being “mind controlled”) They both lost their loved one…twice. Wanda lost Vision twice, and then she was snapped away....only to return to Endgame battle (Tony’s funeral) and seeing Vision dismantled... Monica almost lost her mom, but then things seemed to get better…only for her to wake up from the Blip to find out she lost her mom (again). So both of these ladies have lost the last 5 years, and both lost their loved one “twice”. They both are kind of depressed, have PTSD, are grieving, don’t want to go on…both dealing with it on their own way...

WHO IS MONICA’S ENGINEER FRIEND?

Was the lady she met the contact person or was she just the messenger? Cause Monica seemed to imply it’s a “he”, so perhaps we have not met her engineer friend yet? Is that lady just a military messanger or is she possibly a skrull (Talos daughter, the one Monica connected with as a kid?)

Will the engineer friend appear in WV or will he show up only in next MCU projects? Is he important or was there no deeper meaning there and/or was the skrull friend that contact/engineer?

WHERE ARE AVENGERS?

Where is Dr. Strange? Why hasn’t he (seemingly) arrived to WV yet? If Agatha could sense the Hex (the many spells cast all at once by Wanda) & that attracted her to this place... then how & why has Dr. Strange not sensed it? And how or why had he not arrived there yet...if he had sensed it? The others are all busy/not available, healing, not in a good place themselves... But Strange & co will most likely show up during the Finale/ep 9. OR NOT.

OTHER QUESTIONS:

IF & how are skrulls involved? Meaningful or misdirection? I think they are involved..in a small way...

Why “all for the children”? Was that all Agatha’s doing, or was someone else behind that message? Was it actually Wanda’s doing...another subconcius things? (is it cause Wanda had been thinking of kids? Is it cause Agatha has lost a kid or something? Is it cause Wanda is actually pregnant?) Because the Harts brought up the topic during ep 1 dinner already before things hated up in ep 2. And almost everything in Wanda’s sitcom scripts is coming from her subconcious - they’re adapted from the events of her life & things other characters mention within the WV show... her subconcious makes random lines come true in next scenes/episode. ANSWERED...KINDA in 1x09

Where were all the children in earlier episodes? Were they just inside, in their beds, like Fietro suggested (through Agatha), or is there more to this? And where did they all just appear in epsiode 6 (cause we’ve seen lots of them around lately...among other “background cast” just doing their everyday things...). ANSWERED in 1x09

Who is the missing kid on the milk carton? Just random kid or is it the actual missing person Jimmy was looking for? Is it Agatha’s kid or someone elses kid?

Why has SNAP being mentioned several times on the show? Spoken, in written (signs)? Agnes used the word “snap” in a sentence in ep 1, the cereal in ep 6 was called Sugar Snaps. One of the billboards had the word snap on it after Wanda created the hex. Agatha snapped her fingers as she dissapeared from the audience seats after the illusion came down in ep 8... Are all the SNAP references about Wanda snapping (“going crazy”) or a reference to the (Thanos) Snap? Or both?

What are all the metions of “NIGHTMARE” (and bad dreams) about? Misdirection or subtle hints at Nightmare being behind this/introduced to MCU? Whose dream is this (all)?

What is up with mentions of “mischief” & “shenanigans” in the epsiodes. Just random or more meaningful actually? I personally do not think that this means Loki is invlved or coming, but...never say never.

What’s up with Ultron being mentioned several times already? Meaningful or misdirection? Is the White Vision gonna be voiced by the man, who voiced Ultron (J.S.)? Is White Vision gonna be Ultron (will other parts that made Vision Vision be gone, and only Ultron remain)? Or will the emoty shell turn into Ultron while entering the hex, because the hex changes non-living objects into a more era-appropriate forms (and not so long ago that body was supposed to be Ultron’s vessel) Is Ultron somehow behind this/part of Haywards plan?

What do the dates on the calendar mean? Is there any significance to the dates? Are they just Inside jokes (like one licence plate being Stan Lee’s birth date), or is there a meaning behind them? In ep 1 the heart is drawn on the date Wednesday, August 23rd. In the opening credits of episode 7 the heart is drawn on Friday the 10th (no month visible). The events of WV are supposed to take place in 2023....though for Wanda it may still feel like five years sooner in 2018... We do know that there is a Wed, Aug 23rd in 2023 & there are three Friday the 10th in 2023: Feb, March, Nov. But why these dates/numbers? Is it a significant date for Wanda an/or Vision? Did they secretly get engaged? (I’d say that I don’t think they were married, but perhaps they had set a wedding date or something? Cause they seemed pretty serious just at the start of IW) Or is it about a secret 10th episode? (Cause the nexus meds had 10.3%, so it might not be random...nothing seems to be on this show...though I’d sy the 10th episode is the “making of” special, nothing more...) Or just random numbers & only the heart had meaning?

What is the meaning of the colour of the flowers in the gardens in ep 7? Wanda’s are red & pink. Agnes’ are purple. Dottie’s (roses) are yellow. We know that first two match the colour of their power. What about the third one? Is she a “witch”, too?

Who “froze” those people in the outskirts of the town, close to hex in episode 6? Wanda (who can’t keep the simulation running smootly, everywhere), or Agatha (to make Vision want to find answers even more)? It does seem like this is all Wanda’s doing...meaning she doesn’t have enough power to keep everything inside the hex running smoothly at the same time, so the characters closer to the edge are more like actual puppets...barely moving.

How do Monica, Jimmy & Darcy know so much about the events of Avengers 3-4? Sure, they work for government, are not completely random citizens, but they seem to have watched the events like from a video feed or something, cause they seem to know a lot about the details that went on… just mere weeks after the events. How?

How long had the hex been up before Jimmy & Monica arrived & Monica got sucked in? How long before SWORD arrived & Darcy discovered the broadcast? Hours? Days? What happened in the hex before the show started broadcasting? Because after creating it we see Vision welcome her home & they watch TV, but teh show starts with them driving to WV...before entering their new home, so...did the show start only “the next day”?

Was the “hex has been breached” alarm going off at the end of episode 3 about Pietro arriving to the Hex (meaning he came from outside) or did someone enter/exit the hex & we’ve not been made aware of the person just yet?

Why were Wanda, Pietro & her parents all practicing/learning English? Did the family have a plan to escape to “west”? A view to the west? Or did the parents know more than we’ve led to believe so far, and they were slowly training their kids for their future? Were they actually “adopted”? Did they learn it for some other reason? My best guess is that they were planning to flee to west (US or somewhere)

Why did the family not flee from the war-zone? Her mother saw what was going on outside, but instead she/they used escapism...denial...and watched sitcoms...to distract themselves from the horrors of reality outside. OR were they just “giving up”, cause “there was no escaping...from that place”? And how & where was the dad sellling those dvd-s, when there is literal war (combat) right outside their home? Another example of trauma causing memories to be “tweaked”?

What was up with the secret “safe” in the wall, behind the rug on the wall in their Sokovin apartment? Wanda’s dad kept her fave thing/dvd set in there? Special place..for safekeeping. Is there more to that? “I put it in the special place. For extra safekeeping.” Is this a reference to some object Wanda (or someone close to her, like Vision) had hidden somewhere...to protect it?

What’s in the box? Which box are we talking about? The “mystery of cabinets” box? The red Nike shoe box in the secret hiding place in Wanda’s Sokovian home? The boxes the “mailman” is deloivering in ep 7? Some other box (maybe the envelope was not the only thing Vision let her/among his things that she now has)?

Where was/is the CMBR that Darcy detected from the hex coming from? Is it Wanda? Is it the Mind Stone she created? Is it something or someone else? Had it always been there in WestView or did the Hex event somehow create it? Where is it coming from? What gives off so much of it in there? Is it Wanda’s Chaos magic? Is it the “secret villain” behind Agatha?

Which way did the police car drive after Jimmy & Monica finished questioning them in ep 4? Towards the town (and into the hex) or turned around & drove away from the town & hex?

Why is JImmy's car parked by the roadside right next to the edge of the hex when she & Monica first meet outside WV? And its nose pointed away from the town, not towards the town? Because this has to be Jimmy's (rental) car, not some random abandoned vehicle. How & why did he get so close to the hex & parked his car there? And why is it pointed in the direction away from the town? What is up with the car on the roadside? (seems he was heading towards the twon, but turned around before hex & parked car right there?)

Who is the secret big cameo the cast has been teasing? Is it Paul Bettany AKA one of the best jokes (that he’s acting against himself... playing two roles at once...Hex Vision & White Vision...) Or is there an actual, different cameo happening besides this? Cause we know that Vision VS Vision is happening. Even if there is an actual cameo, I’m just gonna pretend he was talking about Vision Vs Vision, because this is the kind of cheeky british humour that I love. Cameo ideas: a character from one of her favourite sitcom steps from TV into reality DvD?, “Nick Fury”? RDJ as Tony?, Stan Lee? “Dr. Strange”? “Wolverine”? a big name actor as a character from comics...introduced to MCU? For me “Skywalker” level cameo indicates...not (just) a big name actor, but... lots of CGI, so... ANSWERED in 1x09

THE QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN ANSWERED:

Why Westview, NJ? No, its not because it’s relatively close to the Avengers “headquarters” (and the set of the Endgame battle) or relatively close is it to the site where the military base was (where Cap & Tony went during time heist)...all in NJ? It’s because this was supposed to be their home. This is where Vision wanted them to settle down & grow old in. Also.. WestView = WV & wesTView = TV

Why sitcoms? Because sitcoms have been Wanda’s escape since childhood. She watched them in Sokovia with her parents & brother (family), she watched them in US/Avengers HQ (with her to-be-family, Vision). Her distraction from the horrorrs & sadness of reality. Also..because unlike in real world in the sitcom world people getting hurt (when something fall of them) don’t actually get hurt, because..it’s not that kid of a “world”....

Why different eras of sitcoms? Because...Vision wanted them to grow old together. Live a life together. She is literally living through the plan Vision had for them. Settle down in WestView, and live a “normal life” together... That’s why she did not remain stuck in her one favourite Dick can Dyke episode, but instead moved to the next decade...the next phase of their lives together: move to WV, build/buy a home together, get married, watch TV together, have kids, raise kids... go through ps & downs of marriage/relationship,...grow old together... [only her fantasy world started to crumble half-way through] Though...if we think about it... to their knowledge Wanda was human & Vision was a “machine”, so he would not age like she does, so he would have probably just “deactivated” himself after she died in a 100 years...

What made Wanda do this...even if unintentionally? Her greif...over her parents, her brother, Vision, & everyone else she’s lost... the “missing five years”: seeing Hayward dismantle Vision’s body... and seeing the aftermath of the Snap & Blip as she drove through this town. She seemed to see herself in the state of that town & those people...as she drove through WV and saw the future cast of her sitcom. The world for WV had been turned upside down, and in her grief she created the happy place for herself and the people she saw. Her intentions were good/not evil....she thought that this would cheer her & this town up. She “restored” WV to it’s pre-snap glory (the abandoned pool turns into nice one at Dottie’s backyard...), and gave everyone a purpose (job, tasks) or someone to be with. Sitcoms made her feel better, so she thought it’d happen for her & the others in this fake world, too. It was all unintentional & subconcoius, and as she keeps saying “she did not mean any harm”. Initially she didn’t even realize what she’d done, but slowly she has started to “wake up” & realize the situation (that’s why lately she’s thinking “what if I am the villain?” insted of trying to tell the “cast” that she meant no harm to anyone.)

What does the heart on the calendar mean? Episode 8 told us the meaning of the heart. The calendar used to be the propery deed. And Vision had drawn a heart on it (to where their jome was gonna be) & added “to grown old in” - V. That’s why they say "Who needs to abbreviate?” in ep 1.

What was the noise all about in ep 2 that scared Wanda & Vision? Those were the drones that SWORD was sending into the hex. Those made the noise. And one of them (either a SWORD one, or Monica’s drone) made it to Wanda’s rosebushes.

Where were Vision & Monica + Fietro during ep 8 events? They were on their way towards the center of the hex. Cause the whole “look into the past” took place...in mere seconds...just like a dream (seems like a whole day/film, but IRL almost no time goes by). The Monica + Fietro snooping & the Vision-flies back all happened at the same time as Wanda’s trip down to memory lane. They didn’t happen before, just simultaneously... They will arrive soon. [the question is: will Darcy also reach the town center & will she be able to help somehow]

Why were the films that were running in the Cinema in ep 6 “The Parent Trap” & “The Incredibles”? Because The Incredibles is an animation about a superhero family (mom, dad, kids), who fight the bad guys. And Parent Trap is about twins (Billy & Tommy, Wanda & Pietro). They were about Wanda’s life at the moment/time.

Why were the films that were running in in the Cinema after Wanda’s hex took over the town “Big Red” & “Kidnapped”? Because, once again, they described the situation then. Wanda & her hex were the big red taking over...in a way “kidnapping” everyone and using them as puppets for the show based on her script.

Was that really Agatha’s real/actual mother...as the “head witch”? Yes, cause she calls her mother & the actress is listed as Evanora Harkness. It’s not just a title for the leader wicth, but it’s her actual mother.

What does the Nexus mean? It could be & probably has several meanings. As suggested, Wanda seems to be a Nexus Being (she is the same in all realities & has access to the whole multiverse...). Nexus of lal realities is in MCU (Thor: TDW) is the gateway to other dimensions. But also... Nexus Internet Hub (in Oso) is the name of the place Tony goes to when looking for answers about Jarvis & Ultron (in AoU)

What were the commercial about? They were all references to the traumatic and/or important moments in Wandas life. Toaster = Stark bomb, Hydra Soap = Mind stone experiment, Lagos paper towels = Lagos incident, Nexus pills = Nexus Being. But each commercial has many layers, and each can also be connected to an infinity stone..in a way. And each has also other meanings. DETAILED EXPLANATION WILL BE ADDED HERE

Why do the powers start to manifest, in big way, first a are 10? Happened with Wanda, happened with the Twins. Well, because Ten = X [in roman numerals] = X-gene. This ties into the marvel mythology about mutants & x-gene, and also, maybe, in a way roman = romani (cause while they did not copy that part of her origins story in MCU, maybe this was a nod to the SW origins? btw, I do not wants or need my tv/films to follow the original material, cause one can adapt the story to fit their own narrative. Otherwise... I’d never seen Lucy Liu as Watson, especially for comics, when things are “retconned” often...)

Why does it never rain in WV? The weather report on TV in ep 6 said that it’s sunny all week, but we saw that on the outskirts of the town there were puddles on the road & Vision & Darcy drove through rain...so it actually does rain...there...just not at the center of the hex/town. And we’ve seen that the conditions are different inside & outside the hex: it can be daytime in the hex & nighttime outside the hex...at the same time. Perhaps it never rains also because the last day Wanda & Vision spent together in Scotland was a rainy one...

There’s more, but I got tired... and I didn’t post it on the weekend, but I dont want to delay the posting anymore, so posting it as it is...now...

THE END

#WandaVision #SPOILER #WandaVision spoilers #WandaVisionSpoiers #WandaVision spoiler #MCU #Wanda #Vision #Wanda Vision #The Vision #Wanda Maximoff #Wanda x Vision #TEXT POST #LIST POST #LONG POST

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magnolia-penn · 4 years

Text

Future Vision Chapter 2

DIO? God?

Oop- sorry this took so long. It took me forever to write and I had no motivation to type it all from my notebook.

Also, brownie points to whoever finds the Avatar: The Last Airbender reference.

Warnings: Swearing (so much swearing), Spoilers (sorta), mention of death (no one important) lemme know if I missed anything

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"31 years!" Polnareff shouted in disbelief.

"Apparently." You shrugged, already over it.

The men were flabbergasted about your current predicament. Stands were a fairly new concept and to think that there was a Stand strong enough to pull you from the future, breaking all sorts of time and space laws? You'd have to be crazy!

Yet… There you were, completely adapted to the strange situation. You were thrown almost double the amount of years you existed and all it took was a quick scream session behind a sand dune for you to calm down?

"You seem so startled. Stands have crazy abilities. My friend, Magnolia, works alongside a mafia boss with the ability to create infinite life and make it so you can never truly reach death!" You pumped your fist in the air in excitement. "Time travel doesn't seem that far out. My Stand isn't too terribly special, especially compared to some of the other Stands I've seen, but it's pretty cool."

The group's confusion settled deeper as you went on a tangent about future Stands that your friend has described from her time working at the Speedwagon Foundation. You used words that didn't make sense, phrases they didn't understand, but your growing excitement caused them to nod along with you.

"OH! And Stands can be upgraded! Although we do-" You cut yourself off suddenly, eyes zoned out.

You didn't say anything, just stared into the endless expanse of sand and heat. It was Kakyoin who spoke up first.

"Y/n? Are you alright?"

You snapped out of your trance with a start. "I FORGOT TO FEED MY FISH SHIT SEND ME BACK!"

Your sudden outburst sent Polnareff jumping back into Mr. Joestar, your attention dragged to him as his face dropped from confusion to somber defeat.

You picked up on the nervous weight shifts and glances away. You tried to look back at the man who brought you here, only for Mr. Joestar to clear his throat, bringing the attention back to him. He fumbled with his words a bit, trying to justify the shift in attention, but he ultimately failed.

"Oh ho no, I see what's going on," You said after Mr. Joestar gave up on trying to explain. "This fuck-" a pointed finger towards the corpse behind you, "was my only ticket back to the future?"

"Well no. Technic-" You cut the older man off.

"'Uh well no'," you mocked. "Lemme guess, he would've been the easiest way?"

"Now, Miss Y/n, there is no need to be so aggressive. I'm sure we can figure everything out. Our enemy, DIO, has a lackey-"

You cut Avdol off as well.

"DIO? God? In Italian? What kind of narcissist names their kid 'God' in Italian?"

You gave a snort before falling into a fit of mocking laughter. Your humor was short lived, though, as Jotaro finally spoke up. Or shouted I guess.

"Can you shut up? Good grief, all you do is yap! God, all you women are the same."

You stopped your laughter to stare at the teen clad in black, sizing him up. It was a tense couple of minutes, an unstoppable force and an unmovable object locked in a stubborn standoff.

After a bit, you let out a chuckle and let your head fall back to face the sky. You watched the clouds for a second before sighing.

"You know, Joots," You catch him visibly tense from the nickname. "I see why you become a marine biologist in the future. The ocean is powerful and terrifying. It's been like that from the beginning. My friend often describes me like the ocean, although, unlike the tides, who have decided to kill you millions of years ago," You bring your hand up near your face before clenching it into a fist, shimmering from the effects of your Stand. "I still haven't made up my mind."

Jotaro's face turns sour in fear for a split second before returning to the default steely glare. You watched in amusement as his Stand began to manifest, but the hesitation you saw in the purple being's eyes told you all you needed to know.

Jotaro was, at the very least, cautious of you.

But also curious.

You managed to make full contact with Hierophant Green, something no one can do unless a Stand is initiating the contact. Kakyoin also couldn't see you, so how could it've climbed up you? Stand don't act on their own violations.

You also mentioned the future Jotaro. He becomes a marine biologist? And one famous enough to be known by teenagers? Jotaro can't even name a famous marine biologist.

He figured killing you know would be disastrous, there was still much to learn from you. Maybe you held knowledge that once came with hindsight.

"Nice to see we're in agreement." Jotaro gruffed out, allowing Star Platinum to fully dissipate.

A small smile graced your features as you extended the same hand you threatened him with.

"Well then, a truce. Until we decide to kill each other."

Jotaro nodded and took your hand, allowing a handshake to secure your mortalities.

For now.

"MON DIEU! I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD!" Polnareff wailed suddenly, startling the group.

Tension rolled off all of you as Avdol let out a sigh of relief. "I am quite surprised you are alive as well. Not many people can insult Jotaro and walk away intact, Y/n."

You chuckled and waved off the man's concern. "I may only have six brain cells, but I'm not stupid. He wouldn't do shit. Not without knowing what I can do."

"Is that so?" Jotaro let a small smirk slip out. It's hard not to grin when you were acting stupid.

You nodded and hummed in agreement. "I like to think I'm good at reading people."

Jotaro only scoffed and rolled his eyes, although there was an inset glimmer of amusement deep with those cerulean orbs.

"So what exactly does your Stand do?" Mr. Joestar asked the elephant in the room.

"Hmm? Oh, my Stand. Okay, so, here's the thing. My Stand is actually really weak." You confessed.

"My Stand, Chemical Romance, is only really good for getting info from people. I'm often called in to the Speedwagon Foundation to help with interrogations. My Stand allows me to talk to and understand other Stands. All those unintelligible noises your Stand makes are actually your soul trying to communicate, and Chem translates them for me. Even silent Stands or Stands with no humanoid form." You glanced at Mr. Joestar. "I can also touch and interact with them, like I did for Hierophant Green. Also, and we think this might just be a radius effect, but Stands become more sentient around me. They think for themselves."

And….. just like that you lost them. It's hard to understand such complex Stands when all they know is Many Punch, Tasteful Nudes, French Sword, Fire Bird, and Shiny Rock.

"So… You can't actually follow through with your previous threats?" Kakyoin asked cautiously.

"Excuse you! Just who in the hell do you think you are? I am a whole ass person shaped can of whoop ass and no weak ass Stand or Death Parade wannabe looking ass is going to beat me!" You pumped your fist in the air again.

"Whew- That's the sort of can-do attitude our team needs." Mr. Joestar chuckled. "Wait, that wouldn't be a bad idea!"

"Oh ho? Does the great Joseph Joestar have an idea? Careful, Old Man, thinking can hurt ya." You joked.

"No no no no no hear me out. You need to get back to the future, we need to stop DIO from murdering everybody and taking over the world." Mr. Joestar explained. "We both have to get to Cairo for DIO! Join us! You and your Stand are really useful!"

Surprise crossed your face before slipping back to its usual cool façade.

"Nah, I was kind of digging the idea of shriveling up dead in the desert. Although~" you drawled. "I guess, if you're so desperate for my help. It would be immoral for me not to help you, you're so old, even thinking about fighting DIO is going to trigger a heart attack."

You snorted out a laugh and Mr. Joestar did chuckle a bit before you realized something.

"Sooo. Who exactly DIO? Other than some bitch who wants to take over the world."

As quickly as a light flicking out of existence, the once humorous and airy atmosphere of the group became tense and tragic. The utter rage, disgust, and hatred for this mysterious man was palpable. Even the fun and boisterous Jean-Pierre Polnareff extruded murderous intent.

"DIO is a very bad man." Avdol broke the silence, but found himself unable to say more.

"Thanks for the life lesson, Dad," you spit sarcastically. "No. Who is he and what might he have done to sound so familiar."

"DIO is a monster that was created by greed and a lust for power. He is a vampire who ruthlessly slaughtered those who took him in when he was orphaned at the age of twelve." Mr. Joestar explained grimly. "He rejected his humanity to become something monstrous and immortal, but even now, that wasn't enough for him."

"He's notorious throughout the Speedwagon Foundation, whose founder fought him a hundred years ago. I wouldn't doubt it if his story still circulated in your years, Y/n." Avdol completed.

"All of us are here now because of DIO. Polnareff and I were under his control because of a flesh bud, Advol was almost conned into the same situation, and Jotaro's mother, Joseph's daughter, is under attack by her own Stand because it was forcibly awoken by him." Kakyoin said, then shot you a soft smile. "And I guess you as well."

"Oh yeah! Eli did mention they were looking for a girl who could strengthen DIO's Stand, so I guess he is why you're here!" Polnareff's smile returned to his face at the prospect of making a new friend who was in the same boat as them.

"Y'know, think back on it, I do vaguely remember my friend mentioning your mom, Joots." That damned nickname again. "Stand Sickness is what we call it now. That might be where I know DIO from." You shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "Anywho, now that that's settled, can we get out of the desert? I'm roasting to death."

"Oh! Of course! We have to get to the next town before nightfall anyways. To the car!" Mr. Joestar cheered.

You all piled into the three rowed vehicle. Jotaro and Polnareff sat in the way back, you and Kakyoin sat in the middle, with Mr. Joestar and Avdol occupying the front.

The road to the next town was filled with fill ins. They explained how they came together and how they defeated their foes that found them at every turn. You spoke of how the world has changed and advanced. You showed them your music and all the apps on your phone. You found that you were still connected to your home wifi at full strength, but you couldn't comment or post anything. All true contact to those in the future was cut off, but you could still consume media.

As the dust and corpse was left behind, you could feel the newly forged bonds between you and the men around you strengthen and grow, becoming more entangled and intertwined. And you felt happy about it.

#Future Vision #chapter 2 bitches!#its finally here #the exposition #my english teacher would be appalled #jojo kakyoin #kakyoin x reader #kakyoin #noriaki kakyoin #tenmei kakyoin

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orionsangel86 · 5 years

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Season 15 - Spoilers and Speculation

OKAY HI EVERYBODY GUESS WHO HAS BEEN SCREAMING OVER ON TWITTER FOR HALF AN HOUR!

There I was happily trying to watch the Great British Bake Off as you do, and my notifications start blowing up because someone decided to go write a ridiculous spoilery article about season 15 in the TV Guide magazine and all the good and terrible things we have to look forward too! So I promised I would attempt some sort of time line of spoilers and events so that we can jumble together some expectations (and some yummy speculation) about the upcoming season!

Episode 1 - we know that Cas is in this episode as Misha was filming. We know that Alex was also filming though potentially either as a corpse, or as a manifestation of someones guilt/hallucination (these are theories not confirmed). Other than this we know that Jack “won’t be coming back from the Empty for a while now” and hasn’t been seen filming since. (source)

Episodes 2 and 3 - The main spoilers of relevance are that Dean and Cas are still not okay with each other. There is tension between them and they won’t be okay for a while (sources on this are from SDCC and well, everywhere, unless you’ve actually been living under a rock all summer).

Now today we got this spoiler:

[Twitter link]

“Theres a scene we shot recently that really got to me. Cas decides he’s going away for a while. And it wasn’t necessarily a goodbye, but it felt like that to me.”

and this one:

[Twitter Link]

“Cas feels he’s losing Sam and Dean, the only other people in the universe he has a connection to”

and this:

[Twitter Link]

“God becoming his primary enemy bent on destroying everything he cares about is a really difficult transition for Cas to go through” as a result, after a few episodes of chaos, Cas gets fed up and takes a personal time-out before returning to the action, or as Collins puts it, “He leaves in a huff.”

So we have been speculating that this likely takes place in episode 3 following some big dramatic showdown. Cas leaves because he just can’t deal with everything that is happening. Poor angel has lost his son, found out his father is basically enemy number 1, and he has lost the one person he cares about most in the universe (honestly I just don’t see Sam falling out with Cas here because those two are TIGHT but Sam’s friendship alone won’t be enough to make Cas stay - it’s the DeanCas tension that all the PR has been going on about lately).

So then we have two Cas free episodes with 4 and 5 (and I love that there was early speculation following a pic that Jensen posted that Dean might have a beard in episode 4 because OMG GRIEF BEARD OVER LOSING CAS HELLO YES PLEASE GIMME THIS!)

Episode 6 set spoilers show Jared and Misha filmed together, whereas there were very few Jensen sightings. We can therefore speculate that Sam reaches out to Cas because he is fed up of his brothers sulking? Or maybe Cas finds a hunt and calls Sam because he’s still mad at his husband. Or well, anything along these lines. If Dean and Cas don’t reunite in episode 6, then that makes for a very interesting timeline with episode 7. Which is looking to be EPIC.

We have received quite a few spoilers for episode 7 so far. We know that Christian Kane is going to be playing an “old friend” of Dean’s from his past (who it appears Sam doesn’t know, or at least isn’t involved with). We know there will be a fight scene which “the fans will love” whatever that means, and we know that they filmed at “Swayze’s bar”. [Twitter Source]

*rubs temples and tries not to reach for the red nose straight away*

We also now know that Jensen will be singing in this episode and that Dean and Leo have a “wild night” together where Dean will “recapture his mojo” [Twitter Source]

*starts painting face with red and white*

So Dean was down on his mojo eh Dabb? This is starting to sound a bit like early season 13. Dean clearly doesn’t take too well to Cas leaving him in episode 3. >.>

Now I am convinced that no matter what happens in episode 7, the homoerotic tension is gonna be EXTREME, but please allow me to go full clown mode here for a second

*adjusts rainbow wig*

*HERE BE SPECULATION FOLKS - JUST SOLID CLOWN FACED SPECULATION*

If this episode does indeed go down the route of Leo being an ex boyfriend, if something DOES happen between Dean and Leo beyond just bros being bros, then we have a legit coming out episode here following a huge bust up with his actual husband that somehow ends with Dean getting his mojo back. This episode, like every Dean focused episode, usually ends up with Dean getting some big realisation. Dean growing a little bit more, and the audience learning something new about him. Whatever goes down, we are now in a prime position for a DeanCas reunion either by episode end or in episode 8.

IF in episode 8 Dean is able to reconcile with Cas in someway, but because some other horrible shit goes down (which based on latest spoilers could potentially be an Adam/OG!Michael return/Cage breakout of hell nightmare) plus since episode 8 is a Bucklemming episode meaning it will be overly jam packed with plot stuff so a potential Jack return plus Empty entity in this one too - then...

*deep breath*

The time line fits.

Episode 8 plot filled mayhem interrupts a true DeanCas make up scene but we get at least some reveal that Dean wants to have a “conversation” with Cas, then imagine if following the episode 8 drama Jack returns. Imagine if we get a midseason finale in episode 9 where for at least a small part of the episode it looks like the family is back together? Following all the angst and separation of the early season we are right back to where we were during the midseason finale of season 14 - TFW2.0 together again and fighting side by side. Enough to bring some joy to our poor angels otherwise broken heart?

Imagine if though, when all is said and done, right after the boys think they have a win, Dean gets his moment. The show has already given us his coming out ep. He has already realised what it is he truly wants, now he finally gets the chance to reach out and grasp for it...

But when he does it’s a moment too late. It’s time to pay up. Cas gets his moment of true happiness - and the Empty takes him. Midseason finale ends with a horrified Dean having just laid his heart on his sleeve, and a dead Castiel at his feet.

THE TIMELINE FITS.

(I know. I’m a clown for having any hope in this - but my god the potential is too much for me to bare. HONK HONK)

Standard Disclaimer: Nothing I say here is claiming to be factual other than sources from PR related material and spoilers from set. Speculation is all based on what we have seen and my own foolish hope that this show might actually go the way it has been building up to for 10 fucking years. I am not a psychic. I do not have a crystal ball. Readers are asked to manage their own expectations and not blame me for daring to squee about my own excited enthusiasm on the internet on my own blog. Hate is not welcome. Negative comments and moaning accusations are not welcome. Either squee with me in excited delight or scroll on past. You are welcome to join my screaming over on Twitter as well.

Manage your own expectations. I am not telling you anything is going to happen other than what I would LIKE to happen. As always PR IS NOT SHOWRUNNING.

Thank you and good night.

#supernatural #destiel #spn spoilers #spn speculation #season 15 #my thoughts #as well as the thoughts of about 10 other people in an overexcited twitter gc #i am SO EXCITED for this season #pr is not showrunning

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fiercestpurpose · 4 years

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hi u talked about how jean often gets overlooked as a mother, would u be willing to talk more about it? its really curious to me how scott is often associated with the role of 'father' and his relationships with nathan and rachel, how he 'failed them etc, gets talked about to death but people dont talk about jeans as much. anyways would love to hear what u have to say!

Hi! I really have three main categories of thoughts about this: Jean’s relationship with Rachel, Jean’s relationship with Cable, and Jean’s relationship with the idea of family/her own motherhood.

Jean’s relationship with Rachel is… complicated. First of all, Jean is incredibly important in Rachel’s life, but it’s not always our (616) Jean. Rachel is obviously the biological daughter of another woman, 811 Jean, and that woman raised her and was her mother until she died when Rachel was about 8 (well before the rest of Rachel’s X-Men did). Losing a parent that young is frequently very traumatic and defining, and it certainly was for Rachel, so she develops this relationship that is not so much with Jean as it is with Jean’s death. She comes to the 616 and she learns that Jean is already dead, and she vows to reclaim the name Phoenix and honour her mother’s memory (even though 616 Jean is not really her mother). And then, at least twice during the Cross-Time Caper, Rachel has to watch different universe’s versions of Jean die, trying and failing to save her. So Rachel has this whole relationship with Jean as a concept, with Jean dying and leaving her, before she and 616 Jean ever develop a real relationship with each other.

And sometimes, people (fans and writers both) use Rachel’s preexisting relationship with Jean As A Conceptual Mother as evidence that 616 Jean doesn’t really count as Rachel’s mother. However, 616 Jean and Rachel do have a relationship. It starts with Jean rejecting Rachel, denouncing her because she doesn’t accept the future that Rachel represents and doesn’t want to consider her as her daughter. She later apologizes for this, saying that she shouldn’t have pushed her problems onto Rachel because they weren’t Rachel’s problems to deal with. And we see them hug and make up and it’s clear that they consider each other family.

That relationship, the daughter viewing her mother as a concept more than a person, the mother pushing her problems onto the daughter and trying not to accept the future that she thinks the daughter represents, reads to me as a very believable mother-daughter relationship. The circumstances are a little strange, but the emotions are familiar. Many children have a hard time adjusting to seeing their parents as their own people. Many parents have a hard time recognizing their grown children as being their own people and also their children. It’s a very complex relationship that’s certainly worth exploring, and referencing it only when they want to make a joke of it (as X-Men Gold and All-New X-Men both did) is a sign of writers who are not really invested in the emotional lives of those characters.

Onto Cable! In some ways, Jean’s relationship with him is a lot simpler because he is actually and inarguably her child. To be clear, she’s not his biological mother, and we’re going to put her blood relationship to his biological mother aside because it’s not actually that important. Jean is his mother because she raised him. In X-Factor vol 1, she becomes one of his primary caregivers once his mother is out of the picture, largely because she is dating his father at the time. (I’m not going to get into the whole Sinister-creating-Maddy-to-breed-with-Scott thing or the Maddy-living-in-Jean’s-head thing. It’s messy and it complicates things, but it doesn’t change the basic facts of Jean’s situation.) Jean in X-Factor is a co-parent with a day job, a woman who’s responsible for feeding the baby and changing his diapers and helping teach him how to walk and talk and keeping him safe from harm (that time she takes him into a fight excluded, of course). The first manifestation of baby Christopher’s psychic powers is that he and Jean share a special telepathic bond. It’s hard to tell how long this goes on for (comic timelines are, as always, vague and difficult to pin down), but it’s at least several months.

After Simonson’s run on X-Factor, baby Christopher is removed from the picture by being sent off to the far-future — only to be raised by Slym and Redd, who are, of course, Scott and Jean. As a Scott fan, a Jean fan, and a Scott/Jean fan, I’m always surprised and frustrated by how little The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix gets referenced. This is years of their lives that they spend raising their son. Specifically, twelve years, which is quite a long time, and means that Cable is probably 13 by the time Slym and Redd have to leave. Redd is the mother that Cable remembers when he grows up. She’s the one who rocks him to sleep, who negotiates with his father about how to properly raise their son, who does everything in her power to protect him while continuing to participate in a secret rebel organization. And the telepathic connection he had to her resurfaces, so that they are able to fight together on the astral plane.

(If you ever want to cry about Scott/Jean or Cable’s childhood or the Summers family in general, I highly recommend The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix. I will forgive Lobdell any number of crimes because he gave us such an excellent miniseries.)

But she isn’t just there during his childhood. Jean has a relationship with her adult son as well. They work together as X-Men many times, before and after she realizes that he is her son. Of course, there are those incredibly cute panels you may have seen of Scott and Jean and Cable all getting together to celebrate Christmas. And after the defeat of Apocalypse, when Scott is believed to be dead, Jean and Cable become especially close. It is Jean that Cable confides in, sharing with her his feelings, his loss of purpose now that his war is over, how hard it is for him to be vulnerable again. And when Jean thinks Scott is still alive but no one else believes her, Cable is the one who comes with her and helps her bring him back. Unfortunately, post-Search for Cyclops, Morrison comes in, and Morrison has no interest in love or families and does have an interest in killing Jean off to further his ship.

Prime Cable is dead now, of course, so I cannot hope that writers will explore that relationship any further. (EDIT: Oh, yeah, he maybe sort of came back again in a comic last month. Clearly that shocking turn of events made a big impression on me.) I did enjoy getting to see Jean and Hope bond after his death over the love they shared for him, and I can wish that the writers will carry that relationship forward. As for Bable (baby Cable), he’s an angry teenager who experienced the events of The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4 about three or four years ago. He’s angry, he’s upset, he’s lashing out by killing his future self. There could be something really interesting there, in Jean’s relationship with Bable, if they chose to remember that he’s still the kid she raised. Her place as the mother of a rebellious teenager is complicated because he’s both the boy who brought her husband back to life and the boy who killed the adult son that she loved. If writers looked past the soap opera of it all to actually acknowledge the emotions involved, they’d see there was an interesting story there, one that is not just about the Scott/Cable relationship but necessarily involves Jean as well.

I’m sure there are things to be said about Stryfe and Nate Grey, but I honestly do not know or care enough about alternate versions of Cable to really have a coherent picture of Jean’s relationship with them, so I’m gonna skip that.

Next, I want to talk about Jean’s relationship with the concept of family. I would like to mention (as I always do), that Jean’s entire family — her parents, her siblings, and her siblings’ children — were murdered by aliens. How she feels about this is a mystery, as the comics have not addressed it at all, but she might feel guilty, because though it’s not her fault, they were killed because of her. She might also feel guilty because while family in the abstract is very important to her, her relationship with them was strained and she wasn’t as close to them as she’d like to be. She might also feel angry as hell that somebody decided to murder her family despite them doing absolutely nothing to provoke it. Any of those emotional responses would influence how she relates to her children and her granddaughter. Maybe she becomes a little more attached and attentive because she has no other family left. Maybe she distances herself from them out of grief. Maybe she rounds up her incredibly angry son and takes him into the stars to attack aliens so they can be angry together. I think any of those, done properly, could be interesting and in-character for her, and I just want some writer to acknowledge Jean as a character with her own history and her own relationships that shape her actions.

Finally, Jean’s relationship with the concept of her own motherhood. Jean is someone who wanted and expected to be a mother. I usually tend to read Jean as coming from a more traditional and conservative family, but I don’t think that’s an adequate explanation. I think Jean genuinely wants children. In X-Factor, she says, “I always thought we’d have a girl,” when talking to Scott, showing that she had thought about children being part of their future. When she talks to Rachel about her upcoming marriage to Scott, she mentions that she thinks it likely that another Rachel will be born. She wants kids, she’s seen them as part of her future for a long time, and then she got them! She got to be a mother, to Nathan Christopher and to Rachel, as explained above. I think a woman who wanted to be a mother and now is a mother should be allowed to have real relationships with her children. This isn’t like Emma, whose distance from the Cuckoos can be read as her viewing herself more as their teacher than their mother, since Emma always understands herself as a teacher. When Jean holds a baby in X-Men Red and winks at the mother and tells her that she’s implanted a psychic suggestion he not cry so much, that’s because Jean has been responsible for a baby before. Being a mother is part of who Jean is, just like it’s part of who Jubilee is or who Sue is, and I wish that writers and fans understood that.

#Do I have thoughts about Jean? Oh boy do I!#jean grey #rachel grey #x men blogging #asks #Anonymous #long post for ts #ch: heart and soul #ch: mind and will #cable

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alvinsoffie · 4 years

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WORLD AIDS DAY 2020

December 1,

Theme: Each World AIDS Day focuses on a specific theme,

This years theme is “ Global Solidarity: Shared Responsibility. ”

A look back at recent themes gives an interesting perspective:

2020 Global solidarity, shared responsibility

2019 Communities make the difference

2018 Know your status

2017 My health, my right

2016 Hands up for HIV prevention

Personal awareness and responsibilty, coupled with Community support is a reasonable paradigm for moving the HIV/AIDS agenda forward. Embracing this can go a far way to achieve the Goals for eliminating HIV

" World AIDS Day remains as relevant today as it’s always been, reminding people and governments that HIV has not gone away. There is still a critical need for increased funding for the AIDS response, to increase awareness of the impact of HIV on people’s lives, a need to end stigma and discrimination and to improve the quality of life of people living with HIV."

I am quoting directly from UNAIDS here.

A useful way to compare The two pandemics: The 40 year old HIV/AIDS pandemic is the stately annual journey around the sun. COVID 19 is the 28 day cycle of the moon around the earth. It's busy and frenzied. Because it shares the same stigmas, the same governments the same communities; the same inequities: we get a quicker look at the cycle of events. Some countries are already on their third wave, their third cycle or go round of COVID 19. And lessons are being learned at this heightened pace.

This crisis, This frenzied pace has become a wake-up call, an opportunity to do things differently—better, and together. In many respects, the defeat of AIDS as a public health threat could depend on how the world responds to COVID-19.

Inasmuch as COVID 19 has overshadowed the AIDS pandemic. we DO note that some important lessons are being learned and that with care we can utilize aspects of the COVID 19 response to improve HIV response and awareness.

Since you have invited a religous, I believe that you are expecting some insight from a Christian or Biblical perspective, and if this is so, I wouldn't want to disappoint you.

I did some homework, a little research, and came away shocked! In a sense upset on learning that Stigma is the main deterent and source of frustration for battling and overcoming the effects of the AIDS epidemic.

As I looked at the seven types of stigma identified across a range of psychosocial situations, I came to realize that Stigma and its associates, prejudice and discrimination, are deeply ingrained responses that are applied outside of logic and wisdom, and where it surfaces can surprise you.

For the record the seven types of Stigma are:

PUBLIC, SELF, PERCEIVED, LABEL AVOIDANCE, BY ASSOCIATION, STRUCTURAL, AND HEALTH INDUSTRY PERSONEL.

All of these manifestation of Stigma are being experienced in real time in this COVID 19 pandemic. Lets not forget that persons were beaten for sneezing, an involuntary act. Fear and paranoia brings out the worst in us. Where they find common ground, the excesses are very dangerous.

To return to the global AIDS response; At a time when 'untraceable equals untransmittable is a reality already, It is strange that there is no obvious reintegration mechanism for the persons who can overcome the virus. Right HERE, such a mechanism or protocol could provide a rallying point against the stigma PLHIV face. It becomes a powerful incentive to reach for; a goal to achieve. This is one crucial difference with COVID 19, Governments want us to get back to work so there are tests and procedures for reintegration for those who have caught and overcome the virus. The reintegration is SPONSORED because it is deemed vital.

The HIV scenario still has gender bias and sexuality and dominance issues that drive the stigma and after 40 years they remain well entrenched globally.

What does scripture have to offer here. Both Old and New Testaments recognize a variety of diseases that initially demand isolation and removal from communal life. Numbers 12 points to a situation where Miriam the sister of Moses was punished with a skin disease and was out of the camp in isolation for 10 days. Even here there was a clear return to community. She wasn't cast into outer darkness with weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth! Israel camped and waited for her. Just a biblical reminder that it always help to have a celebrity or power person build empathy for your cause.

The reintegration mechanism was well defined. The priests were trained and were the ones assigned the inspection of the suffering person. Once satisfied of their rehabilitation, they offered the necessary sacrifice and were fully reintegrated into family and community.

In the Gospels where Jesus was remarkably open to transformative action on peoples behalf, his advise to cured lepers, to

" show yourself to the priests ...

and

" Offer the sacrifices Moses commanded"

leverages this generations old schema for returning the renewed back to community. Jesus did not subvert the process: he co-opted the process for the validation that it offered. The process is Critical! In real life more than a few persons doing well on their regime fall away and do not return for medication and help. The validation process is aborted by some triggered fear and more than a few will end up dead; losing their lives.

A lesson here is that education doesnt always defeat prejudice. In fact it can provide seemingly plausible justification for discrimination. This is why discrete access to health care for PLHIV is a necessity. Thank God for JASL.

The Label Avoidance Stigma is the most insiduous of the seven. It is the one that keeps the infected person from seeking help. in your community or elsewhere. They know full well that bush have ears and if you are seen in Mocho or Portland or Mandiville at a clinic the rumour mill will grind and your issues will be publicised. They keep quiet and die quieter still. I have seen it up close and it hurts my heart every time I am faced with it. Let me say it again; Thank God for JASL

Sadly, you are as likely to hear a pastor or preacher condemn the sick and declare God's judgment rather than provide access to care and counselling and in hospitals one has to deal with health professionals whose personal biases become stumbling blocks to personal healthcare services..some share unethically, the details of their patients, furthering stigma and discrimination ... very well documented.

If the church would follow Its Lord's instructions. If it would extend itself to speak for the voiceless

Someone came to Jesus for healing and the discussion began: 'Lord, If you choose you can make me whole'. Jesus said, 'I DO Choose!' If our churches would follow Jesus and choose to facilitate health and wholeness, a lot could change.

Church could stand with or stand up for the sick especially PLHIV/AIDS. it could do a lot to counter stigma, to counter the whispered inuendos that is Stigma by Association. Stigma by Association is the one that kills community support for the needy. It is the one that ties you to the presumed sexual preferences and activities of the persons you are inclined to help.

Churches could build support for members and persons who are HIV positive, but who would dare share their status with the brothers or sisters in church. Very few keep secrets, fewer still, exhibit compassion. We need radical Christianity of the leave all and follow Jesus variety.

Returning to the bigger stage, the theme Global solidarity, shared responsibility invites us to revisit our relationships and the activities they engender. Global solidarity invites us to explore the Global response and align ourselves with projects and activities that we are able to support. There are a plethora of them and myriad best practices scenarios waiting for our implementation.

One important feature of World Aids Day is the memorialization of the dead. Given the early stigma and circumstances of dying, many persons have not been properly remembered and closure is still eluding some families who have lost loved ones to HIV/AIDS.

The opportunity to come out and name them and remember them is hugely therapeutic. This is something that the Church does well. Catholicism provides a liturgy on All Saints Day, November 1 for the memorialization of our dead. We do it systematically and we know the benefits of it. We light the votive candle, we pray for those we love, and we ask God in his Love and Mercy to deal kindly with them.

There is a ministry here for churches. There is a place where we can quietly exercise the gift of presence as in grief counselling and just be there for those who need us. There is a place for a prophetic voice that can stop the slander and inuendo by its forthright affirmation of the Person living with HIV as a full and complete human being, bearing the image of GOD.

Even in death, the stigma continues and the cause of death for the death certificate can be problematic for family members. To remove Stigma is to open up the resources freely and fully for those who need it. This day must come sooner rather than later. these are difficult times, make no mistake. But we can make a difference if we try a little bit harder.

Shared Responsibility brings us back to Genesis and Cain's question ' Am I my brother'e keeper?' Yes! Yes we are. God requires an answer of each of us. We are social creatures We need each other for Fulness of living. We will need to develop more programs that bring real benefits to people living witH HIV

My word of encouragement for PLHIV/AIDS is simple: Keep the faith. HIV is no longer a death sentence. Serious progress has been made and you can access a good life right here, right now. Your Life is precious! Dont throw it away! Do NOT let pride or shame rob you of health and family, joy and accomplishments. Still dream... Most things are still possible if you believe and persevere.

Do the right things for yourself. There is now legal recourse to some forms of discrimination. Fight your battle for your life and find support for your cause along the way. Life is Precious.... DON'T give up! Fight Fight Fight!

With discipline and determination, the way things are going, you might actually outlive some of your detractors.

Here I want to quote and close with Minister of State in the Ministry of Health and Wellness, Juliet Cuthbert-Flynn,

“Whether as funding partners, technical informants for policy design and programme implementation, or as medical workers serving people living with HIV and AIDS at the community level, we need to have all hands on deck." the Observer November 20

I endorse All hands on Deck! The world can and must do better regarding the AIDS pandemic. We must remove the strictures and structures that maintain stigma and discrimination in all its forms.

I endorse all hands on deck and hope to see church and state join together to do the right thing for signicant numbers of our citzens who need our help

I endorse All hands on deck to design and build reintegration protocols and mechanisms for those on the margins right now. they dont need to be there!

I endorse all hands on deck if these hands are tender loving hands, desiring to nurture and to care for those in need. We have had enough of the finger pointing sleight of hand deception > I'm just saying:

I endorse all hands on deck in the response from governments, NGOs and Communities acting globally and locally. It is my hope that solidarity will facilitate the crafting of an accelerated response with a view to end Living with HIV/AIDS soon.

#world aids day #world aids day 2020 #plhiv/aids #plhiv

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pilawforhire · 4 years

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@bookofaion asked:

(( bro, I miss your HCs, give me something about Law & how he views the past, what are his big regrets, what are things he reflects on most? besides Corazon's death, what's something he would like to change? does he believe 'everything happens for a reason' or nah? ))

//Hey, Ane! Thank you so much for the ask. It really got me thinking, and I haven’t been thinking about such deeper topics in a long time. I don’t think I could express my thoughts well in this, so please excuse the rambling, if things don’t make sense, and the very disorganised everything.

Reflections:

“Death surrounds us. If there’s one thing you can count on in life, it’s the infallible, all-embracing hand of death, and the permanence and irreversibility of its fatal touch. Death is an old friend of mine, but also a teacher, a companion: lifelong, eternal.”

Given the death he’s witnessed, death lurking in every corner one turns, the ‘death’ tattooed on his fingers (a reminder, now), I think death and mortality would feature commonly in his reflections – not with pessimism, not necessarily with despair, but as a stimulus to live; reflecting on death in order to reflect on life, its impermanence (in the scope of an individual’s), its shortness of nature, ever-changing.

For instance, thoughts on: why death is generally feared, the lessons death has taught him, how he should like to die (by his own hand, ideally within his control, but not alone), what a good death would be like (facing death with courage, dying for a worthy cause; what is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying), when is it time to let go, and most importantly, why he should not die yet. Especially in his adolescence and/or young adulthood, owing to the losses he survived, and their ripples of anguish, it would’ve been crucial to ask, over and over, why he should live on – and how. How should he live. With strength, courage, dignity – exactly how he envisions he would die.

Of course, there’d also be reflections on the bigger decisions he’s made in life (with regards to his goals, the crew, etc.); reflections on his past (with a yearning, and a smidgen of loneliness), on how far he’s come (with incredulity; made it, after all), on his crew and Bepo’s friendship (with gratitude, appreciation); reflections on those he failed to save (I kind of headcanon that throughout his travels, in order to gain the experience as a doctor/surgeon, he would’ve helped civilians, either those who can’t afford to be treated in hospitals, or if he encounters someone who’s ill/hurt, or in clinics in smaller towns – granted, he could practise on corpses, but I doubt he’d turn down someone who needed help if it was within his means to treat them (‘bad’ guys aside; circumstances dependent); at least once he’d have failed to save a child, and the experience would’ve been humbling).

More in his younger years, he’d likely have reflected on numerous what-if scenarios, if Corazon had survived, etc.

How he views his past:

Over time, he’d have crawled along the path towards acceptance of the people he’s lost, though the sorrow is an undying presence (and would’ve, more so in the past, manifested as anger or irritation). Yet, on the path to acceptance, it’d still be difficult to fully let go of the guilt or self-blame, considering they spur him towards his goal, and his goal of fulfilling his legacy, taking down Joker, is everything that keeps him moving forwards.

I think, for the longest time, he viewed his past with regret; when he thought of the past, he thought only of everything he lost. But I’d like to think that later along his journey, although the past is still something he cannot talk openly about, without fear of it all spilling out in an overwhelming way, he’s able to reflect on the good times as well, with gratitude. He had a good, loving family; Corazon had given him hope, and his last dying breath. Yes, they were all taken from him too soon, but there were some fonder memories, bittersweet to relive.

Eventually, he wouldn’t think of his past as a burden or something that weighs him down, but more a series of events that has strengthened and taught him a number of things: courage to scrabble his way through and drag his leaden limbs back from the pitch darkness not once but time and time again, to embrace the suffering (albeit, possibly to an unhealthy extent; without suffering, how could he appreciate pleasures), the necessity of being prepared, that everyone dies (because life comes at a price) (but that death makes life meaningful; death gives us incentive to live), to appreciate the smaller things: his crew (they are his lifeboat), the sunrise, (every breath, every pain) – still, he was willing to give it all up for his goal.

Does he believe that everything happens for a reason?

I don’t think he’d ever be able to accept that his family’s and Corazon’s deaths happened for a reason, and he’d be of the opinion that reasons or meaning are just things humans attribute to circumstances out of their control in order to make sense of things. Nothing could explain or justify their deaths. Did they all really have to die so he would learn how to cope with grief and loss, and understand what suffering was like? In his teens, he would’ve brooded about the unfairness of life taking everything from him not once but twice, though eventually he’d have tried to use his past to empower himself instead, believing that he’d survived all that, he could survive anything – though this leads to him developing a belief in his invincibility (thus the necessity later on to remind himself of his mortality), by pushing himself always to the limits, braving harsh weather/conditions, disregarding colds or ailments.

Big regrets:

Aside from accidentally running to Vergo and disclosing Corazon’s undercover identity – I’d think he’d regret more of his states of being in the past: ignorant, inadequate, helpless, and he’s extra hard on himself in attempts to avoid stumbling into such scenarios again. On some level, he’d understand certain circumstances are out of his control – when he brought Vergo that document, he’d decided it was the best course of action to take – yet he’d strive to be as prepared as possible; can’t risk complacency or carelessness.

On the whole, in his adulthood, I don’t think he’d have big regrets. He’d be of the firm belief this is the path he’s meant to take. (And if he does have regrets about decisions made in battle or involving their voyage, those would be regrets he reflects on to learn from.)

As Viktor Frankl said: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” – albeit, for Law, the path he chose was one rooted in feelings of guilt and despair.

Still, even after that talk with Sengoku post-Dressrosa, even after hearing the words he’d subconsciously been desiring to hear someone say to him all the years, that he was under no obligations, that Corazon saved him not just because of the ‘D’ in his name (paraphrasing the exact words because I don’t remember), if Law were able to return to the past and choose a different path, 101 out of 101 times, he would not have chosen differently. Even if taking out Doffy did not alleviate the sense of emptiness, that goal carried him 13 years, longer than any other would’ve (he thinks).

“He gave me life; he gave me a reason to live. I made a choice of my own free-will. Who’s to say any other path or choice would’ve resulted in a ‘better’ outcome? Would I have been better off not dedicating my life to pursuing Joker? No, I’d have been worse off.”

Besides, I think he may not be able to picture himself leading an ordinary, civilian life. It would be a generally safer, more stable and secure way of living, but at the risk of succumbing to ennui? He’d crave the heart-pounding adrenaline from fights, the thrills of walking a fine line between life and death (mocking, challenging, taunting death). (Though he doesn’t take unnecessary risks, especially since assuming his responsibilities as a captain.)

Besides Corazon's death, what's something he would like to change?

In all honesty, while he would’ve, in the past, wished he could’ve gone back in time and acted differently to save Corazon’s life, in the present, at 26, I think he’d have accepted Corazon as dead for over a decade, that he wouldn’t feel strongly about changing that. Not that he doesn’t wish he could speak to or see Corazon one last time, but he’s, over time, come to accept that such wishful thinking is completely pointless. Furthermore, I think he’d have gotten used to…mourning/missing him. Having him back would be undeserving. If Corazon is back, what excuse would he have to explain his self-destructiveness – it would mean that he ought to be absolved from the guilt (but he’s not ready to let that go). It would mean that he could maybe even be happy, and that is a scary thought. ‘Happiness’: terrifying, quite so very something he’s unaccustomed to letting himself experience. Although he’s reflected on death, mortality, it would still be nagging him in the back of his mind that one day he’d have to mourn Corazon again.

As for something else he’d like to change, his hirsuteness, or lack thereof. (In all seriousness, I haven’t thought of a good answer, sorry.) I think he may aim more for inner change first – forever wanting to a better self than who he was the day before. By better, I don’t necessarily mean doing ‘good’ but…more knowledgeable, tougher, experienced. To aim to stand ready and confident to take without flinching whatever life throws at him.

Because he will persevere. Granted, his resolve wavers from time to time, being that he is only human; there are weaker and lower moments and phases, but he persists because through and through, Law is a rebel. Guiltily, I would like to think he would rebel against the ocean of greyness that threatens to engulf.

He will never surrender. He’ll die fighting, like Corazon did.

And with a smile.

Probably giving the finger too.

#bookofaion #ooc #tw death #hcs #sorry this is super long #but you know me #thank you for sending <3

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armsdealing · 4 years

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@neotropical sent: 10, 12, 15, 18, 26, 26 for Shiro | 28, 31, 36, 40 for Fenrir character development questions / inbox cleaning.

SHIRO.

10. what energizes and drains them most? shiro is introverted. heavy social interaction can drain him really fast, especially inane social interaction like small talk. paradoxically, being idle can also drain him. if he's not sleeping or eating, or reading or using his mind in some fashion, he'd rather be out there in the field, investigating cases and trying to solve them. he's a bit workaholic, and feeling like he's doing nothing worthwhile can affect his mood.

12. how are they bodily expressive? how do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands? he's more expressive than he gives himself credit for, though most emotions tend to be negative, like annoyance or irritation or suspicion, if not outright anger cuz he's grumpy as fuck. he has expressive eyes even in wolf form, and since they are devoid of color the dilatation of the pupils is very clearly visible when he's agitated. body wise, he also goes tense, hackles proverbially raised, fists balled up, mouth pinched into a frown (or flashing fangs), standing tall or slightly crouched as if to lunge. his body language is pretty authoritative, typical of his species. and though like i said most of the emotions can be negative, he's not above showing emotional vulnerability. if he feels moved, he can truly start to cry right then and there (albeit stoically) without carinh, and if he's content/pleased/happy he's not above smiles -- though they are rare.

he's also easy to make blush if flirted with too heavily. :/

15. what kind of inner life do they have — rich and imaginative? calculating and practical? full of doubts and fears? does it find any sort of outlet in their lives? mostly on the practical side, that's for sure. he tends to be motivated toward concrete goals, and is very good at staying focused. of course, he is not above occasionally daydreaming and losing track of things. this happens especially when not engrossed by something; his mind is full with grief regarding his past, as well as wariness toward the future, and that can lead him into brooding. his main outlet for his thoughts is his job as a social worker and private investigator. he finds it very rewarding that he can put his skillset to good use for the benefit of the community.

18. what kind of person could they become in the future? what are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? what paths would you especially like to see, and why? best case scenario shiro becomes a more tolerant person of humans, learning to understand and accept the gradations to their morality and that some humans are okay, while also learning to cope with his trauma in a healthy fashion, growing all around more emotionally open. along those lines he also accepts that he can have romantic feelings for someone without negating his sense of purpose and identity as a vigilante slash undercover god dlfkjdkf.

worst case scenario he distances himself more from the warmer side of him and opts to become a cruel and punitive deity that sees things mostly in black and white terms (something he already does to an extent) and doesn't form actual relationships with anybody, opting instead to dedicate himself to slaughtering humans he deems evil. basically it's a regression: going back to the same place where he was before making it to anima city and turning his life around.

both are likely, but of course the most likely is the former one if things go ideally -- like if he has more positive contacts with humans, and if others manage to get through to him emotionally. basically friendship and love will save him.

i'm good with either path tho of course i want to see him become healthier. i'm not opposed to him getting worse before he gets better, because i do love myself some drama.

26. how do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does? he doesnt have many of them. most are purely incidental and tho they are positive they're not very deep. it's mostly work related or people that leave in his apartment building that he chats with from time to time or like, the owner of the coffee shop he frequents ddfjh. he thinks they are okay but at the same time he feels awkward and doesn't know how to go about them. he feels distant (his past and status as a god play a role no doubt) and even tho occasionally he wants to be closer to people he doesn't know how to even start. he's also a bit of a jerk and that doesn't help.

27. what do they strongly like and dislike, in any category? why? shiro greatly dislikes humans as a result of his past, being a victim of a massacre where all but himself died (purely on incident, since he was beheaded). he thinks they are all an irredeemable and violent bunch who sees his people as lesser. he also doesn't like beastmen that work with humans, seeing them as just as bad as humans too. in a more casual note he does not like the cult that has formed around his person, he thinks it's all a bunch of scammers trying to make money off his image. he wants to do something about it but isn't yet sure what.

he likes seeing anima city prosper and thrive and see beastmen happy; it genuinely warms his heart. and he likes children a lot. he has worked with the city to find many orphaned children better homes. he also has an affinity for boots and sweaters. 😌

FENRIR.

28. what are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? why? i mean if he had the opportunity resources and time odin would be DEAD already dfjgdhjfg prophecy be damned. he would've already put down a lot of asgardians, if not asgard itself. other than that... he's off and on about the idea of forming a legitimate pack. he could do it but it's a risky move considering gods are always cutting him short whenever they think he's getting 'too powerful'. but those things aside he doesn't want for much and he DOES already have the resources and time to do whatever he wants... to an extent.

31. is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? what makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? why? fenrir has a short fuse and on bad days if you get on his nerves he will kill you. i mean he will really just shoot you dead for annoying him if he doesn't feel like acting civil. disrespecting him is a big no-no, he has a low tolerance for idiocy and people who think they can act all insolent around him. if you think you're close enough to get away with that you need to give yourself and ur relationship with him a long hard look because chances are you're wrong. acting like you're better than him/superior to him? dealbreaker. pitying him in any way? also a big dealbreaker. it truly annoys him. he will sooner stop talking to you than entertain your sympathy, even if what he's going through is worthy of it. he doesn't want anything to do with it. other things that can ruin his day is pain flares due to his bound status -- he deals with chronic pain 24/7, and it's the source of most of his bad moods.

as for things that makes situations go smoothly -- if the pain is unusually mild that given day. nice food or drink, or completed jobs, and presence of people he likes (family, or lovers)

36. how much do they rely on their minds and intellect, versus other approaches like relying on instinct, intuition, faith and spirituality, or emotions? what is their opinion on this? fenrir is more instinct and intuition than intellect, but he is by no means dumb. he is hypersensitive and hyperaware of things and is constantly processing amounts of information that would knock out the average human, and acting accordingly to it all. his hunches are usually correct and he's quite capable of analysis and deductive reasoning when necessary -- take for example when he quite correctly guessed that asgardians where trying to trick him with gleipnir. emotions play less of a role when it comes to serious decision making, tho yeah like anybody sometimes he will act purely on passion if its something that affects him to such a degree. he doesn't feel any particular way about it, and is confident in his decision making (perhaps sometimes overconfident but yh y'know, that happens), since it tends to work for him.

40. what do they wonder about? what sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? how is this expressed, if it is? for a long long time(pre-binding) midgardian culture truly sparked his curiosity. he wanted to learn about humans and how they operated and the things they liked to do. after this curiosity was satiated he doesn't express wonder over many things. he has unanswered questions about the fate of the world and how fate will play out but virtually everyone does. he would rather spend his time in the present than invest a lot of time simply thinking about the future. simply put, he is not an imaginative person.

#* fenrir.#* silver.#answered ooc.

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elisaenglish · 4 years

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How We Grieve: Meghan O’Rourke on the Messiness of Mourning and Learning to Live with Loss

“The people we most love do become a physical part of us, ingrained in our synapses, in the pathways where memories are created.”

John Updike wrote in his memoir, “Each day, we wake slightly altered, and the person we were yesterday is dead. So why, one could say, be afraid of death, when death comes all the time?” And yet even if we were to somehow make peace with our own mortality, a primal and soul-shattering fear rips through whenever we think about losing those we love most dearly — a fear that metastasises into all-consuming grief when loss does come. In The Long Goodbye (public library), her magnificent memoir of grieving her mother’s death, Meghan O’Rourke crafts a masterwork of remembrance and reflection woven of extraordinary emotional intelligence. A poet, essayist, literary critic, and one of the youngest editors the New Yorker has ever had, she tells a story that is deeply personal in its details yet richly resonant in its larger humanity, making tangible the messy and often ineffable complexities that anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows all too intimately, all too anguishingly. What makes her writing — her mind, really — particularly enchanting is that she brings to this paralysingly difficult subject a poet’s emotional precision, an essayist’s intellectual expansiveness, and a voracious reader’s gift for apt, exquisitely placed allusions to such luminaries of language and life as Whitman, Longfellow, Tennyson, Swift, and Dickinson (“the supreme poet of grief”).

O’Rourke writes:

“When we are learning the world, we know things we cannot say how we know. When we are relearning the world in the aftermath of a loss, we feel things we had almost forgotten, old things, beneath the seat of reason.

[…]

Nothing prepared me for the loss of my mother. Even knowing that she would die did not prepare me. A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up in a world without her is like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable.

[…]

When we talk about love, we go back to the start, to pinpoint the moment of free fall. But this story is the story of an ending, of death, and it has no beginning. A mother is beyond any notion of a beginning. That’s what makes her a mother: you cannot start the story.”

In the days following her mother’s death, as O’Rourke faces the loneliness she anticipated and the sense of being lost that engulfed her unawares, she contemplates the paradoxes of loss: Ours is a culture that treats grief — a process of profound emotional upheaval — with a grotesquely mismatched rational prescription. On the one hand, society seems to operate by a set of unspoken shoulds for how we ought to feel and behave in the face of sorrow; on the other, she observes, “we have so few rituals for observing and externalising loss.” Without a coping strategy, she finds herself shutting down emotionally and going “dead inside” — a feeling psychologists call “numbing out” — and describes the disconnect between her intellectual awareness of sadness and its inaccessible emotional manifestation:

“It was like when you stay in cold water too long. You know something is off but don’t start shivering for ten minutes.”

But at least as harrowing as the aftermath of loss is the anticipatory bereavement in the months and weeks and days leading up to the inevitable — a particularly cruel reality of terminal cancer. O’Rourke writes:

“So much of dealing with a disease is waiting. Waiting for appointments, for tests, for “procedures.” And waiting, more broadly, for it—for the thing itself, for the other shoe to drop.”

The hallmark of this anticipatory loss seems to be a tapestry of inner contradictions. O’Rourke notes with exquisite self-awareness her resentment for the mundanity of it all — there is her mother, sipping soda in front of the TV on one of those final days — coupled with weighty, crushing compassion for the sacred humanity of death:

“Time doesn’t obey our commands. You cannot make it holy just because it is disappearing.”

Then there was the question of the body — the object of so much social and personal anxiety in real life, suddenly stripped of control in the surreal experience of impending death. Reflecting on the initially disorienting experience of helping her mother on and off the toilet and how quickly it became normalised, O’Rourke writes:

“It was what she had done for us, back before we became private and civilised about our bodies. In some ways I liked it. A level of anxiety about the body had been stripped away, and we were left with the simple reality: Here it was.

I heard a lot about the idea of dying “with dignity” while my mother was sick. It was only near her very end that I gave much thought to what this idea meant. I didn’t actually feel it was undignified for my mother’s body to fail — that was the human condition. Having to help my mother on and off the toilet was difficult, but it was natural. The real indignity, it seemed, was dying where no one cared for you the way your family did, dying where it was hard for your whole family to be with you and where excessive measures might be taken to keep you alive past a moment that called for letting go. I didn’t want that for my mother. I wanted her to be able to go home. I didn’t want to pretend she wasn’t going to die.”

Among the most painful realities of witnessing death — one particularly exasperating for type-A personalities — is how swiftly it severs the direct correlation between effort and outcome around which we build our lives. Though the notion might seem rational on the surface — especially in a culture that fetishises work ethic and “grit” as the key to success — an underbelly of magical thinking lurks beneath, which comes to light as we behold the helplessness and injustice of premature death. Noting that “the mourner’s mind is superstitious, looking for signs and wonders,” O’Rourke captures this paradox:

“One of the ideas I’ve clung to most of my life is that if I just try hard enough it will work out. If I work hard, I will be spared, and I will get what I desire, finding the cave opening over and over again, thieving life from the abyss. This sturdy belief system has a sidecar in which superstition rides. Until recently, I half believed that if a certain song came on the radio just as I thought of it, it meant that all would be well. What did I mean? I preferred not to answer that question. To look too closely was to prick the balloon of possibility.”

But our very capacity for the irrational — for the magic of magical thinking — also turns out to be essential for our spiritual survival. Without the capacity to discern from life’s senseless sound a meaningful melody, we would be consumed by the noise. In fact, one of O’Rourke’s most poetic passages recounts her struggle to find a transcendent meaning on an average day, amid the average hospital noises:

“I could hear the coughing man whose family talked about sports and sitcoms every time they visited, sitting politely around his bed as if you couldn’t see the death knobs that were his knees poking through the blanket, but as they left they would hug him and say, We love you, and We’ll be back soon, and in their voices and in mine and in the nurse who was so gentle with my mother, tucking cool white sheets over her with a twist of her wrist, I could hear love, love that sounded like a rope, and I began to see a flickering electric current everywhere I looked as I went up and down the halls, flagging nurses, little flecks of light dotting the air in sinewy lines, and I leaned on these lines like guy ropes when I was so tired I couldn’t walk anymore and a voice in my head said: Do you see this love? And do you still not believe?

I couldn’t deny the voice.

Now I think: That was exhaustion.

But at the time the love, the love, it was like ropes around me, cables that could carry us up into the higher floors away from our predicament and out onto the roof and across the empty spaces above the hospital to the sky where we could gaze down upon all the people driving, eating, having sex, watching TV, angry people, tired people, happy people, all doing, all being—”

In the weeks following her mother’s death, melancholy — “the black sorrow, bilious, angry, a slick in my chest” — comes coupled with another intense emotion, a parallel longing for a different branch of that-which-no-longer-is:

“I experienced an acute nostalgia. This longing for a lost time was so intense I thought it might split me in two, like a tree hit by lightning. I was — as the expression goes — flooded by memories. It was a submersion in the past that threatened to overwhelm any “rational” experience of the present, water coming up around my branches, rising higher. I did not care much about work I had to do. I was consumed by memories of seemingly trivial things.”

But the embodied presence of the loss is far from trivial. O’Rourke, citing a psychiatrist whose words had stayed with her, captures it with harrowing precision:

“The people we most love do become a physical part of us, ingrained in our synapses, in the pathways where memories are created.”

In another breathtaking passage, O’Rourke conveys the largeness of grief as it emanates out of our pores and into the world that surrounds us:

“In February, there was a two-day snowstorm in New York. For hours I lay on my couch, reading, watching the snow drift down through the large elm outside… the sky going gray, then eerie violet, the night breaking around us, snow like flakes of ash. A white mantle covered trees, cars, lintels, and windows. It was like one of grief’s moods: melancholic; estranged from the normal; in touch with the longing that reminds us that we are being-toward-death, as Heidegger puts it. Loss is our atmosphere; we, like the snow, are always falling toward the ground, and most of the time we forget it.”

Because grief seeps into the external world as the inner experience bleeds into the outer, it’s understandable — it’s hopelessly human — that we’d also project the very object of our grief onto the external world. One of the most common experiences, O’Rourke notes, is for the grieving to try to bring back the dead — not literally, but by seeing, seeking, signs of them in the landscape of life, symbolism in the everyday. The mind, after all, is a pattern-recognition machine and when the mind’s eye is as heavily clouded with a particular object as it is when we grieve a loved one, we begin to manufacture patterns. Recounting a day when she found inside a library book handwriting that seemed to be her mother’s, O’Rourke writes:

“The idea that the dead might not be utterly gone has an irresistible magnetism. I’d read something that described what I had been experiencing. Many people go through what psychologists call a period of “animism,” in which you see the dead person in objects and animals around you, and you construct your false reality, the reality where she is just hiding, or absent. This was the mourner’s secret position, it seemed to me: I have to say this person is dead, but I don’t have to believe it.

[…]

Acceptance isn’t necessarily something you can choose off a menu, like eggs instead of French toast. Instead, researchers now think that some people are inherently primed to accept their own death with “integrity” (their word, not mine), while others are primed for “despair.” Most of us, though, are somewhere in the middle, and one question researchers are now focusing on is: How might more of those in the middle learn to accept their deaths? The answer has real consequences for both the dying and the bereaved.”

O’Rourke considers the psychology and physiology of grief:

“When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. The more your identity is wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the mental work.

The first systematic survey of grief, I read, was conducted by Erich Lindemann. Having studied 101 people, many of them related to the victims of the Cocoanut Grove fire of 1942, he defined grief as “sensations of somatic distress occurring in waves lasting from twenty minutes to an hour at a time, a feeling of tightness in the throat, choking with shortness of breath, need for sighing, and an empty feeling in the abdomen, lack of muscular power, and an intensive subjective distress described as tension or mental pain.”

Tracing the history of studying grief, including Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous and often criticised 1969 “stage theory” outlining a simple sequence of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, O’Rourke notes that most people experience grief not as sequential stages but as ebbing and flowing states that recur at various points throughout the process. She writes:

“Researchers now believe there are two kinds of grief: “normal grief” and “complicated grief” (also called “prolonged grief”). “Normal grief” is a term for what most bereaved people experience. It peaks within the first six months and then begins to dissipate. “Complicated grief” does not, and often requires medication or therapy. But even “normal grief”… is hardly gentle. Its symptoms include insomnia or other sleep disorders, difficulty breathing, auditory or visual hallucinations, appetite problems, and dryness of mouth.”

One of the most persistent psychiatric ideas about grief, O’Rourke notes, is the notion that one ought to “let go” in order to “move on” — a proposition plentiful even in the casual advice of her friends in the weeks following her mother’s death. And yet it isn’t necessarily the right coping strategy for everyone, let alone the only one, as our culture seems to suggest. Unwilling to “let go,” O’Rourke finds solace in anthropological alternatives:

“Studies have shown that some mourners hold on to a relationship with the deceased with no notable ill effects. In China, for instance, mourners regularly speak to dead ancestors, and one study demonstrated that the bereaved there “recovered more quickly from loss” than bereaved Americans do.

I wasn’t living in China, though, and in those weeks after my mother’s death, I felt that the world expected me to absorb the loss and move forward, like some kind of emotional warrior. One night I heard a character on 24—the president of the United States—announce that grief was a “luxury” she couldn’t “afford right now.” This model represents an old American ethic of muscling through pain by throwing yourself into work; embedded in it is a desire to avoid looking at death. We’ve adopted a sort of “Ask, don’t tell” policy. The question “How are you?” is an expression of concern, but as my dad had said, the mourner quickly figures out that it shouldn’t always be taken for an actual inquiry… A mourner’s experience of time isn’t like everyone else’s. Grief that lasts longer than a few weeks may look like self-indulgence to those around you. But if you’re in mourning, three months seems like nothing — [according to some] research, three months might well find you approaching the height of sorrow.”

Another Western hegemony in the culture of grief, O’Rourke notes, is its privatisation — the unspoken rule that mourning is something we do in the privacy of our inner lives, alone, away from the public eye. Though for centuries private grief was externalised as public mourning, modernity has left us bereft of rituals to help us deal with our grief:

“The disappearance of mourning rituals affects everyone, not just the mourner. One of the reasons many people are unsure about how to act around a loss is that they lack rules or meaningful conventions, and they fear making a mistake. Rituals used to help the community by giving everyone a sense of what to do or say. Now, we’re at sea.

[…]

Such rituals… aren’t just about the individual; they are about the community.”

Craving “a formalisation of grief, one that might externalise it,” O’Rourke plunges into the existing literature:

“The British anthropologist Geoffrey Gorer, the author of Death, Grief, and Mourning, argues that, at least in Britain, the First World War played a huge role in changing the way people mourned. Communities were so overwhelmed by the sheer number of dead that the practice of ritualised mourning for the individual eroded. Other changes were less obvious but no less important. More people, including women, began working outside the home; in the absence of caretakers, death increasingly took place in the quarantining swaddle of the hospital. The rise of psychoanalysis shifted attention from the communal to the individual experience. In 1917, only two years after Émile Durkheim wrote about mourning as an essential social process, Freud’s “Mourning and Melancholia” defined it as something essentially private and individual, internalising the work of mourning. Within a few generations, I read, the experience of grief had fundamentally changed. Death and mourning had been largely removed from the public realm. By the 1960s, Gorer could write that many people believed that “sensible, rational men and women can keep their mourning under complete control by strength of will and character, so that it need be given no public expression, and indulged, if at all, in private, as furtively as... masturbation.” Today, our only public mourning takes the form of watching the funerals of celebrities and statesmen. It’s common to mock such grief as false or voyeuristic (“crocodile tears,” one commentator called mourners’ distress at Princess Diana’s funeral), and yet it serves an important social function. It’s a more mediated version, Leader suggests, of a practice that goes all the way back to soldiers in The Iliad mourning with Achilles for the fallen Patroclus.

I found myself nodding in recognition at Gorer’s conclusions. “If mourning is denied outlet, the result will be suffering,” Gorer wrote. “At the moment our society is signally failing to give this support and assistance... The cost of this failure in misery, loneliness, despair and maladaptive behaviour is very high.” Maybe it’s not a coincidence that in Western countries with fewer mourning rituals, the bereaved report more physical ailments in the year following a death.”

Finding solace in Marilynne Robinson’s beautiful meditation on our humanity, O’Rourke returns to her own journey:

“The otherworldliness of loss was so intense that at times I had to believe it was a singular passage, a privilege of some kind, even if all it left me with was a clearer grasp of our human predicament. It was why I kept finding myself drawn to the remote desert: I wanted to be reminded of how the numinous impinges on ordinary life.”

Reflecting on her struggle to accept her mother’s loss — her absence, “an absence that becomes a presence” — O’Rourke writes:

“If children learn through exposure to new experiences, mourners unlearn through exposure to absence in new contexts. Grief requires acquainting yourself with the world again and again; each “first” causes a break that must be reset… And so you always feel suspense, a queer dread—you never know what occasion will break the loss freshly open.”

She later adds:

“After a loss, you have to learn to believe the dead one is dead. It doesn’t come naturally.”

Among the most chilling effects of grief is how it reorients us toward ourselves as it surfaces our mortality paradox and the dawning awareness of our own impermanence. O’Rourke’s words ring with the profound discomfort of our shared existential bind:

“The dread of death is so primal, it overtakes me on a molecular level. In the lowest moments, it produces nihilism. If I am going to die, why not get it over with? Why live in this agony of anticipation?

[…]

I was unable to push these questions aside: What are we to do with the knowledge that we die? What bargain do you make in your mind so as not to go crazy with fear of the predicament, a predicament none of us knowingly chose to enter? You can believe in God and heaven, if you have the capacity for faith. Or, if you don’t, you can do what a stoic like Seneca did, and push away the awfulness by noting that if death is indeed extinction, it won’t hurt, for we won’t experience it. “It would be dreadful could it remain with you; but of necessity either it does not arrive or else it departs,” he wrote.

If this logic fails to comfort, you can decide, as Plato and Jonathan Swift did, that since death is natural, and the gods must exist, it cannot be a bad thing. As Swift said, “It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind.” And Socrates: “I am quite ready to admit… that I ought to be grieved at death, if I were not persuaded in the first place that I am going to other gods who are wise and good.” But this is poor comfort to those of us who have no gods to turn to. If you love this world, how can you look forward to departing it? Rousseau wrote, “He who pretends to look on death without fear lies. All men are afraid of dying, this is the great law of sentient beings, without which the entire human species would soon be destroyed.”

And yet, O’Rourke arrives at the same conclusion that Alan Lightman did in his sublime meditation on our longing for permanence as she writes:

“Without death our lives would lose their shape: “Death is the mother of beauty,” Wallace Stevens wrote. Or as a character in Don DeLillo’s White Noise says, “I think it’s a mistake to lose one’s sense of death, even one’s fear of death. Isn’t death the boundary we need?” It’s not clear that DeLillo means us to agree, but I think I do. I love the world more because it is transient.

[…]

One would think that living so proximately to the provisional would ruin life, and at times it did make it hard. But at other times I experienced the world with less fear and more clarity. It didn’t matter if I was in line for an extra two minutes. I could take in the sensations of colour, sound, life. How strange that we should live on this planet and make cereal boxes, and shopping carts, and gum! That we should renovate stately old banks and replace them with Trader Joe’s! We were ants in a sugar bowl, and one day the bowl would empty.”

This awareness of our transience, our minuteness, and the paradoxical enlargement of our aliveness that it produces seems to be the sole solace from grief’s grip, though we all arrive at it differently. O’Rourke’s father approached it from another angle. Recounting a conversation with him one autumn night — one can’t help but notice the beautiful, if inadvertent, echo of Carl Sagan’s memorable words — O’Rourke writes:

“The Perseid meteor showers are here,” he told me. “And I’ve been eating dinner outside and then lying in the lounge chairs watching the stars like your mother and I used to” — at some point he stopped calling her Mom — “and that helps. It might sound strange, but I was sitting there, looking up at the sky, and I thought, ‘You are but a mote of dust. And your troubles and travails are just a mote of a mote of dust.’ And it helped me. I have allowed myself to think about things I had been scared to think about and feel. And it allowed me to be there — to be present. Whatever my life is, whatever my loss is, it’s small in the face of all that existence… The meteor shower changed something. I was looking the other way through a telescope before: I was just looking at what was not there. Now I look at what is there.”

O’Rourke goes on to reflect on this ground-shifting quality of loss:

“It’s not a question of getting over it or healing. No; it’s a question of learning to live with this transformation. For the loss is transformative, in good ways and bad, a tangle of change that cannot be threaded into the usual narrative spools. It is too central for that. It’s not an emergence from the cocoon, but a tree growing around an obstruction.”

In one of the most beautiful passages in the book, O’Rourke captures the spiritual sensemaking of death in an anecdote that calls to mind Alan Lightman’s account of a “transcendent experience” and Alan Watt’s consolation in the oneness of the universe. She writes:

“Before we scattered the ashes, I had an eerie experience. I went for a short run. I hate running in the cold, but after so much time indoors in the dead of winter I was filled with exuberance. I ran lightly through the stripped, bare woods, past my favourite house, poised on a high hill, and turned back, flying up the road, turning left. In the last stretch I picked up the pace, the air crisp, and I felt myself float up off the ground. The world became greenish. The brightness of the snow and the trees intensified. I was almost giddy. Behind the bright flat horizon of the treescape, I understood, were worlds beyond our everyday perceptions. My mother was out there, inaccessible to me, but indelible. The blood moved along my veins and the snow and trees shimmered in greenish light. Suffused with joy, I stopped stock-still in the road, feeling like a player in a drama I didn’t understand and didn’t need to. Then I sprinted up the driveway and opened the door and as the heat rushed out the clarity dropped away.

I’d had an intuition like this once before, as a child in Vermont. I was walking from the house to open the gate to the driveway. It was fall. As I put my hand on the gate, the world went ablaze, as bright as the autumn leaves, and I lifted out of myself and understood that I was part of a magnificent book. What I knew as “life” was a thin version of something larger, the pages of which had all been written. What I would do, how I would live — it was already known. I stood there with a kind of peace humming in my blood.”

A non-believer who had prayed for the first time in her life when her mother died, O’Rourke quotes Virginia Woolf’s luminous meditation on the spirit and writes:

“This is the closest description I have ever come across to what I feel to be my experience. I suspect a pattern behind the wool, even the wool of grief; the pattern may not lead to heaven or the survival of my consciousness — frankly I don’t think it does — but that it is there somehow in our neurons and synapses is evident to me. We are not transparent to ourselves. Our longings are like thick curtains stirring in the wind. We give them names. What I do not know is this: Does that otherness — that sense of an impossibly real universe larger than our ability to understand it — mean that there is meaning around us?

[…]

I have learned a lot about how humans think about death. But it hasn’t necessarily taught me more about my dead, where she is, what she is. When I held her body in my hands and it was just black ash, I felt no connection to it, but I tell myself perhaps it is enough to still be matter, to go into the ground and be “remixed” into some new part of the living culture, a new organic matter. Perhaps there is some solace in this continued existence.

[…]

I think about my mother every day, but not as concertedly as I used to. She crosses my mind like a spring cardinal that flies past the edge of your eye: startling, luminous, lovely, gone.”

The Long Goodbye is a remarkable read in its entirety — the kind that speaks with gentle crispness to the parts of us we protect most fiercely yet long to awaken most desperately. Complement it with Alan Lightman in finding solace in our impermanence and Tolstoy on finding meaning in a meaningless world.

Source: Maria Popova, brainpickings.org (9th June 2014)

#quote #women writers #love #life #loss #grief #existential musings #all eternal things #love in a time of...#the places you have come to fear the most #the same deep water as you #laid bare #intelligence quotients #depth perception #melancholy skies #this is how it feels #stands on its own #elisa english #elisaenglish

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thenexusofsouls · 4 years

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“Why Didn’t You Do More?”- The Superhero’s Reality, and Why It Differs From Our Own

So this is a random rant of mine on the mindsets of some superhero characters and how we, as writers, can distinguish between the way they react to things and the way mundane people might. I do want to say that this will likely not have any solid point to it, haha, I just love to analyze things sometimes. It’s fun for me. So just think of this as a nice mental exercise.

Just for some background, this was prompted by a few conversations with friends, but also partially influenced by a line in a song, Holocene, from the movie The Judge. I recently watched this movie, and it’s amazing by the way, I highly recommend it, but be prepared for detailed and graphic scenes involving the effects of cancer and chemotherapy if that triggers you, as well as some kick-your-feels-in-the-face family drama. There’s a song used a few times throughout it that has lyrics that seem a bit weird and disjointed, but if you really sit down and think about them, there are some themes that stick out that are relevant to the characters. Being stuck in the past, remembering the past as being better than it was, wanting to go back instead of improving the way you are now, lying to yourself about things, and most importantly, accepting failure and loss of control of a situation. There’s a line in the song that I’ve been stuck on lately, namely, “...and at once I knew I was not magnificent,” and it’s really made me think about this concept in the context of the lives of some Avengers.

In the movie, Robert Downey Jr.’s character (who is so very much like Tony Stark if he had decided to be a lawyer as far as personality) has a very pointed, personal, and heartbreaking failure moment. It’s painful to watch his character break down simply for what the failure means for the character and those they love, but also on an emotional level as you think about where the character’s head is at. He was a character who prided himself on always succeeding, no matter what (trying not to spoil the movie here for everyone and probably failing hard, heh). It never occurred to him that he could fail. Some might look at that and just think he was just an arrogant asshole with an ego the size of a planet, and maybe that’s true on some level for this particular character, but in extrapolating his psychology to that of some characters in the MCU, I think there’s a point at which arrogance and a massive ego can become paradoxically altruistic and selfless for characters with abilities that are larger than life. And because the stakes and expectations placed upon them are just as large, that makes things like failure even more heartbreaking for them. As Peter Parker said in Captain America: Civil War, "When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you." There’s not just a feeling of personal failure, but also a feeling of letting down a large group of innocent people as well… perhaps even the whole world, or on the level of Thanos as the opponent, the universe.

I’ve been wrapped up in analyzing this mindset lately, and thinking about that one line in the song, and it’s moved from the character in The Judge to Tony Stark and also Wanda Maximoff and their early failures with Thanos. In pondering their epic failures on a massive worldwide superhero level, the concept of altruistic arrogance, or a selfless ego, is a paradox that I think deserves some discussion. I think it embodies the mindset of a superhero who, while he/she may be human, does not have the same psychology with regard to approaching problems or viewing their life or the world around them as someone without their exceptional abilities might.

When Tony and Wanda fail to defeat Thanos in Infinity War, their failure comes as a painful shock to them, not only because of what’s at stake and the guilt that comes with letting down those they care about, but because they realize in that moment that failure was inevitable, because their best (at that point in time, at least) was always going to be not enough. And they didn’t know it. It’s like being let in on a joke after everyone’s already laughed at it at your expense… and the joke isn’t funny. I’ve been asked by some people in talking about various parts of Infinity War, why did they give up? I’m referring to these moments here, when Tony and Wanda appear to just go limp and space out and just… stop fighting, as they’re being essentially patronized by Thanos:

They’re not giving up, they’re overwhelmed. They’ve stopped for two reasons: 1) they’re legitimately exhausted after throwing out everything they had to offer, and 2) the realization that they were not strong enough even at their best is an arresting and stunning one in a very literal sense. They’ve already given it their all, and now they’re at a loss. Their goal isn’t accomplished, their loved ones are not out of danger, and yet they’re spent, they’re done. That is not something they have ever encountered before.

Let’s back up a bit and look at where Tony Stark and Wanda Maximoff’s minds are at by the time they reach Infinity War. Tony has been haunted by a vision placed in his head by Wanda since Age of Ultron, one that showed him all the Avengers dead and/or dying, in which Steve says “You could have saved us,” and “Why didn’t you do more?” While it is debated in the fandom whether what she showed him was the manifestation of his worst nightmare or an actual premonition of the future or both, its effect on Tony is staggering. From that moment onward, he is preparing to make sure that vision never comes to pass, but unfortunately, he’s got the wrong focus. He believes the way it could come to pass or why it might be possible is if he doesn’t try hard enough, either because he isn’t willing or he isn’t able to tap into his full potential. The fault, he believes, will lie with him and his willingness to go the distance for his friends, or, that he won’t be prepared enough and ready to whip out the full breadth of his power and ability. It never occurs to him that there was nothing he could do to prepare enough for that moment because he was already inherently unable to defeat Thanos then, through no fault of his own. He simply is not going to be strong enough by that time.

So for someone like Tony with a huge ego who I think believes that there is nothing he cannot accomplish if he tries hard enough, and for someone like him who is deathly terrified of being left alone in a world of friends dead because of his failure, coming to the realization that he “was not magnificent,” that yes, he has real limits that in this case mean he is not good enough… is psyche-shattering. His massive ego in believing he was capable of anything with enough prep and determination collided with his selfless desire to protect people he loved (like Peter), and guess what? The great and powerful Tony Stark wasn’t good enough. Imagine how utterly arresting that thought must have been for him. Well, you don’t have to imagine it, you can see it on his face. It’s the face of someone with a literal genius-level intellect suddenly realizing he’s out of ideas.

Turning now to Wanda, she’s lost nearly everyone she has ever loved. Her parents, her twin brother, and now Vision, someone she has fallen in love with, is being threatened. Her first instinct back in Edinburgh is to ask him if maybe they shouldn’t stay out of what’s going on. She doesn’t say that because she’s cowardly or selfishly trying to ignore the plight of others, she’s just terrified of losing yet another person she loves, and quite possibly the last person in her life that she is very close to. Her mindset is to play it safe, because as she learned from her brother, being a protector gets you killed. However, when Vision makes the decision to involve himself, Wanda immediately follows suit, because now she has to be his protector. She is not going to allow another person she loves to die. Bold of her to believe that she had that choice, that it was at all in her hands and within her control to decide that Vision would be safe, and that all it took was her decision to choose to protect him. Wanda is really freaking powerful, and I think that power disturbs her at times. Because of this, I doubt that she had fully explored the limits of her power by that point. I headcanon that she always had in the back of her mind, my limits are far above what I can imagine, and thought that if she whipped out all the power she possible could, she could do anything, destroy anything, kill anyone. It was untested and nebulous in her mind, but not unlike Tony, I think she thought that the potential for failure here was in her not being vigilant enough, not trying hard enough. Pietro died because she wasn’t there to protect him, she believes. So this time she’s going to be there for Vision. Unfortunately, that meant killing him at one point, but ignoring that for a moment, I think Wanda believed that she could hold Thanos back indefinitely and, if necessary, kill him, and it just wasn’t there. The ability, the potential, her focus, her scope at that point would not allow her to do that. It’s not her fault, really, and yet she failed Vision and everyone else. Which brings me to my next point…

Realizing that there was nothing more they could possibly have done to change this outcome, due to their own limitations their egos would not allow them to see before, does not change the level of grief, guilt, and emotional distress that they feel. If anything, it magnifies it. When superheroes fail on this level, they haven’t just let themselves down, they haven’t just let their immediate friends and loved ones down, they’ve let the world down. In this case, the universe. That is an immense amount of pressure to place on a person who, until a short time ago, fully believed that they were capable of stopping this from happening. Being told it wasn’t their fault or anything like that is never going to comfort them, because friends and loved ones are still dead, and everywhere they go there will be reminders of their failure. People who don’t understand may even outright blame them for what happened. When you or I fail at something, we might feel like sheesh okay, I suck, heh… or we acknowledge that it was outside out control and try to improve for later. When Tony and Wanda failed, they had to deal with personal failure, guilt, grief, and the weight of responsibility of so many lives on their shoulders. Wanda was spared a lot of that initially because she got snapped, but Tony was left to deal with it, and we all know how well Tony deals with crushing emotional issues…

Failure for a superhero means more than just letting oneself down, and when their (whether intentional or unintentional) arrogance permits them to believe that the possibility of success is theirs to grasp if they only put in the effort, the distance they fall when they’re knocked off that pedestal is even higher, the impact when they hit the ground even greater. So the listlessness, the thousand-yard stare, the silence (uncharacteristic from Tony to say the least)… you’re watching someone’s ego literally break down before your eyes and have to accept the unacceptable… that their worst-case scenario they 100% could never deal with emotionally in a hundred years is now coming to pass.

Superheroes live in a different reality from us (yes, because they’re fictional, haha, but I’m talking existentially here, not literally). Life won’t let them not think about the larger picture, whether they would prefer to or not. Imagine if you tried your very best, maybe even purposely prepared for some confrontation for years, and you know that there was not an ounce more of strength or power you could have unleashed on the problem… and you still failed. The shame, the guilt, the heartbreak… on top of now having to sit and watch the worst unfold because… you’re now out of ideas. Being a superhero, there’s always something new to try. A new idea, a new power, a new ability, a new piece of tech, a new strategy… Well what happens when this was already plan Z and there is literally nothing left to try? It’s a scary mindset to live in, and when the stakes are that high and the hearts involved are already that damaged (Tony and Wanda have suffered a lot and clearly would have done anything to make sure more death and suffering didn’t occur), it’s the worst time to find out that you weren’t good enough. And that blame that mundane people might place on them? You better believe they’re also placing it on themselves. And maybe that’s where the ego comes back into play. Nope, it was my fault, there was something more I could’ve done, I just didn’t realize it or see it. And that may not have been true, but that’s easier to believe and process, even as painful as it is, than to simply accept that there was no way they were ever going to be powerful enough to defeat the threat in that moment. There was nothing more they could have done. They did everything right, and it wasn’t good enough.

And here we could get into a discussion of fate and predestination, maybe regarding Dr. Strange’s multitudes of multiverses and time threads in which things could have gone differently. At what point did all those threads boil down into the “one” that he saw in which the Avengers won against Thanos? How far back does one have to go in time for there to have been multiple winning options? Or… was this always going to be the single, only option? Was all of this predetermined since time began to culminate in these moments in this exact way in order to be the one winning outcome? How set in stone were Tony and Wanda’s failures, and for how long? Or is it all just randomly shifting with each new decision, each new divergence in the path, like trains shifting tracks? It’s an interesting discussion to get into, but that is a whole ‘nother meta topic for another day, heh.

Alright, I think I’ve ranted on this enough. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this! Any thoughts or ideas on this yourselves? I would love to hear some other opinions on this topic. I love getting into philosophical and psychological discussions about my muses. =)

#{ silence rants } ᵐᵉᵗᵃ ᵗᵒᵖⁱᶜˢ #muse: tony stark #muse: wanda maximoff...over on her own blog heh #avengers: infinity war

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