#had to make a new tag since echo is a character i like on another show

[juanabaloo]

also why the fuck can i not buy Maya Lopez gear, like a t-shirt? also - RELATED - why the fuck can i not buy Naru gear?

(Maya Lopez is the hero of the Marvel series Echo. Naru is the hero of the Prey movie, a prequel to the Predator franchise.)

you would think capitalism would mean this gear would be available. but fucking racism and/or anti-Native sentiment means these companies are throwing money away by not offering that.

all i can find for Echo / Maya are posters. all i can find for Prey / Naru is a figurine of the Predator! like i want a t-shirt i want a hoodie i want a hat. with Maya's face. with Naru's face. WTF.

[fandom-hoarder]

Grabbing these tags by @deanwinchesterpregnant from this post to expand.

Because yes, this is a very important part! Sam says it, too!

And while there ARE Sam haters that will say "Sam doesn't know how much Dean sacrificed!" and mean it as a JUDGEMENT and omg wooby!Dean; there are also people like me, who started writing s1 Sam POVs to understand him better, and suddenly connected him to my little brother like, 'OH. Sam doesn't KNOW. How COULD he know??😭' and it's not a judgment of his character or his love for Dean! And he's not stupid! They're both just kids who have yet to work through their own shit enough to realize they don't know EVERYTHING about each other, despite their shared history. It's part of why Sam says in In My Time of Dying that they were "just starting to be brothers again."

Obviously it's a necessary part of s1 to give us, the viewer, expositional glimpses into Sam and Dean's inner workings. But the way they each react to certain new revelations about each other are still canon even if there are Doylist reasons.

It's canon that Sam didn't know Dean carried him out of the fire. It's canon that Dean has felt responsible for Sam almost being eaten by a shtriga since he was 9/10 years old, and it's canon that Sam never even knew that happened. It's canon that the memory of Mary was so coveted by Dean and John that Sam has virtually no connection to her; no stories and no echoes of her in the way they live other than the infamous Winchester Surprise.

It's canon that Sam doesn't really have any happy holiday memories, and Dean does. It's canon that their perspective on the same shared holidays is completely different. It's canon that Dean stole Christmas decorations and presents for Sam and apparently none for himself. And it's canon that Sam realized Dean did that for him and gave him his only present. And it's canon that remembering that made grown-up Sam want to give Dean Christmas even though it meant admitting something hurtful to himself. (John not showing up for Christmas/Dean's last Christmas)

If you put yourself in Sam's shoes--- a kid left alone for most of his formative years; unable to put down roots and make friends; whose best friend, the only one who could even try to understand him, is his good little soldier brother--- it's easier to understand why Sam felt lonely and became a much more introspective person. Because he was literally stuck with just his thoughts and anxieties and the TV for days at a time. When you think about how sick he must've been about it, every time Dean and John would leave. Waiting for that next phone call. Biting his fingernails when the call was late. Wanting to be invited to prove yourself, but also because if you're THERE at least you KNOW what happens.

But then, too, if you can put yourself in Dean's place: it's not necessarily something a kid or young adult can fully appreciate--- especially a somewhat emotionally immature young adult--- that their little sibling is a completely autonomous person with their own inner life. They don't just pause when you leave their sight. Dean throws himself into the hunt, and isn't thinking about how much Sam is worrying about them. He's thinking, "Sam is safe, so I can focus on backing Dad up."

It sounds selfish, but it's simply a fact of the maturing brain that it takes some time to comprehend someone else's existence outside of you as a real thing and not just a vague concept.

So, to touch on another aspect that gets discoursed:

There ARE a lot of things about Dean's parentification that Sam doesn't know at first, but he has always known about it to SOME degree. He had his own perspective on it, and for sure I wouldn't say that Sam thought of Dean as his parent. Dean has definitely always been his older and somewhat overbearing big brother. But who do you think Sam took his problems to? Who threatens to rip his bully's lungs out in After School Special? Who remembers what fucking play Sam did in drama?

And a short related aside--- thinking about how Sam was surprised about the things of his John had in storage. His surprise that John kept an eye on him at Stanford. And relating these things that changed Sam's understanding of his father, to the way his understanding of Dean shifted with each revelation of what Dean had done for him. And despite everything Sam ALREADY knew, his adult brain and life experiences gave him new perspective on things.

This maybe is a little rambley, but oh well. What was I saying...

Oh yeah. So sometimes people get upset about Dean being given like. More praise than he deserves or something, by having those "you practically raised me" lines and things. As if it's a retcon. But it's really not.

It's Sam growing up, and his brain constantly taking in new information and reshaping his understanding. It's Sam seeing how much Dean blames himself for things that weren't his fault, and wanting Dean to see the good he's done. It's Sam being able to see Dean's heart underneath his codependent or selfish decisions, and reaching out. It's Sam trying to remind Dean he can lean on Sam, too.

I've gone off on a tangent and made myself tear up lol. I don't remember where I wanted to end up anymore. Somewhere in the ether there's another rant about how Dean has a harder time allowing himself the introspection on his perception of Sam, and how this leads to Sam having to do a lot of the leading on the emotional maturity of their relationship, and how hard this is when the person you're leading still sees you as their kid, in whatever capacity.

But ultimately, of COURSE Sam does as much for Dean. Of course Sam has agency in this and isn't Dean's baby that had a pampered childhood vs Dean's horrible one. Sam and Dean acknowledging the actual circumstances of their childhood dynamic doesn't have to be a Samgirls vs Deangirls fucking situation lol.

[neonscandal]

Hello, I'm new to the jujutsu fandom, I've already watched season 1 of the movie and I'm in season 2 of jujutsu, I also follow the jujutsu manga, I liked your tumblr and started following you, I like your analyzes and you make me understand more jujutsu, thank you. I have a question, don't you think Sukuna is a boring villain, sorry, but he's too annoying, even Mahito is more interesting than him and it's impressive that Mahito gave more weight to the work than Sukuna, Sukuna killed Gojo and his death It had no significance in the work, it's something terrible, I think the author got lost.

Anon(s), please still try to be mindful of spoilerssss, even if, mid sentence, you just throw one up so other readers know. I'd appreciate it since, even though I'm not a spoiler free blog, I at least tag. I am no stranger to falling behind and trying to avoid leaks and spoilers, myself and my IRL friends are anime onlys to some of the things I obsess about. All that to say: I'm glad you're here (both in the fandom and in my inbox)! Bear in mind, these are very much just the impassioned rants of a silly little person on the internet so who knows.

One thing that I've realized about JJK villains, especially in most recent chapters, is they're never quite who we assume at face value. In this battle between humans and the negative human emotions that spawn curses... each of the villains has a really striking human quality to them whether we understand it or not. In fact, it makes their whole mission of toppling the current paradigm that much more interesting when you consider their origin. I think it was Jogo who said curses were more human than humans which... when you look at the root cause of Geto's defection... he might be onto something.

To that end, Mahito wasn't really lying when he told Yuji that they were one in the same. Humans and curses are two sides of the same coin.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for chapter 248 of JJK.

If you haven't read the light novels, you'd be interested to find that in a chapter I don't overanalyze, there's a story focused around Mahito. It appears in Jujutsu Kaisen Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust.

In the chapter, our typical chaos gremlin who is quick to torture first and question never stumbles upon a vagrant. He finds, in the company of a man who has not and wants not, that he exists harmoniously and curiously. In his soul, he sees an unflappable peace that is not evident in other humans and behaves accordingly around him. Day after day, he causes no harm. They even converse, reasonably and academically to an extent. Uh - Mahito is like an avid reader, by the way. While you can argue this is outside of the realm of what's canon, think of Jogo's affinity to mourn Hanami. Hoping to meet Dagon in the wasteland of souls beyond. Very human hopes which are even echoed by Mahito in canon when Haruta the curse user was sneakily going to kill Hanami. Mahito stopped him with intention because even curses have camaraderie which the humans they consort with apparently lack.

Kenjaku is another villain where, even in his twisted delights and subsequent plans for the future, safely delivers Sasaki outside of the realm of the Culling Games and thanks her for befriending his son... What? This appreciation is so humble and endearing but, of course it is, it is that of a mother. Something he decisively lacks with Choso and the cursed womb paintings but still. It goes against the grain of the rest of his character, you know?

Toji, the man who can't be bothered to remember the name of the kid he sold back to the hell hole he grew up in and yet thinks of him as he breathes his last breaths. When his body was reanimated in Shibuya and was hardwired to find and fight the strongest... that recognition on his face when he realized who he was fighting? The animation did a beautiful job of clearing the black of his eyes, softening his gaze toward Megumi. Knowing that it was Megumi Fushiguro and not Zenin he took himself out, happily. Doesn't really ring true of how a lot of fans interpret him as a character.

Now, we have Sukuna. I agree, he seems to be somewhat flat in characterization so far but.. so was everyone else until we got the effective cowlick that indicated their complexity. Now, 248 chapters in, we're seeing the chip in his facade.

Gojo is no stranger to dying though he is extremely unused to comparison. He's the Strongest Sorcerer of the Modern Era, after all. But I wonder if it makes sense to call Sukuna his foil. Imagine Gojo's unchecked ego had he never met Geto. I imagine a life of isolation carrying the burden of one's own grace and strength would absolutely turn out similar to Sukuna's wherein there is no need for purpose beyond one's own whims.

Subsequently, Gojo dying at Sukuna's hands and earning his respect was the first real human connection we see Sukuna receive positively (he gave Jogo a pretty sweet send off, too). It was done with intention, even Gojo hoped to communicate with his tempered body the fact that he too knew that isolation. In universe, it seems to be a form of love (search for "Of Love and Strength" on this post), this understanding. This lapse in Sukuna's indifference is furthered in facing off against fan favorite lawyer Hiromi Higurama.

Following Gojo's demise, Gege has been comparing a lot of characters to the vacuum of power left in his wake. Yuta, I get, but Higurama is an absolute wild card. However, Sukuna sees something in him that he not only respects in this comparison to Gojo... but also stymies him. Especially as he meaningfully comes to terms with his dismissal and abhorrence of Yuji.

What we're seeing is the blossom of his character playing out amidst an all or nothing fight. Stay strapped in, anon!

[archie-sunshine]

So, What Now?(Rehabili/Cohabi-Tation)

Chapter 2: In Which Whirl is Sloshed and Searches for Safe Harbour

FIC TAGS: Eventual Whirl/Cyclonus/Tailgate, Cyclonus/Tailgate, polyamory, slowburn romance, mutual pining, slice of life, fluff, comedy, eventual smut(planned for later chapters), sappy mushy lovey stuff, polycue, May eventually have illustrations

The Lost Light has a brand new universe to explore! But everyone's still tired from the old one! In the interim between wacky hijinks, a solution is offered to those bored to death by peacetime- Why form a club about it or renovate your hab suite of course!

Whirl doesn't know how he feels about all the pep. And even worse, he doesn't know how to feel about Cyclonus and Tailgate wanting him to join in on their clean slate. 

Chapter 1 Here!

_________________________

Author's Notes: So I'll be vague to keep from spoilers for the greater comic, I do want to preface that some characters that do die in mtmte/lost light WILL be appearing alive and well in the fic, I don't think there are any in THIS chapter, however, just as a warning, if you see some folks who should be dead pop up, just pop a lampshade on it. I wanted to see them thrive, so some things have been conveniently glossed over and/or forgotten, wink wink.

CHAPTER TAGS: alcohol, getting drunk, making poor decisions while drunk, being cared for while drunk, getting entrapped into spending time with people who care about you

“-And I know he never liked me but really?? This is a new low! Can you believe him? CAN YOU!!”

Whirl’s optic glassily followed the movement of the energon cube he was spinning in his claws. His gaze flicked up to swerve’s face from where he rested his helm on the bar. Whenever he was lost in thought at Swerve’s, Swerve’s constant yapping was his fragging north star. 

“And- AND- AND!!! Another thing! Look at the state of this place!!” Swerve threw his servos wide, gesturing at the bar in general. “Only half a deca-cycle since the slaggin CBEI and this place is CRICKETS!” He cried. The patrons of the bar, few and far between, all briefly traded glances from over their drinks at their fuming host.

“Wow, gonna file for bankruptcy, swerve?” Whirl grumbled, smiling tipsily up at him. “You should just start your own stupid club about it.”

“As if-! I’ll admit the offer was tempting, but I gotta get a request looked over by Ultra Magnus, right? And that’s never gonna happen.” Swerve huffed, snatching Whirl’s empty glass out of his claws and beginning to clean it fitfully. 

“That got repealed!” Shouted a patron from one of the booths- Rewind, obviously. “There was a whole fight about it between Roddy and Mags, I caught the back half of it!” 

Swerve perked up, turning his attention over to Rewind and setting the empty glass back down in front of Whirl. “Wait, for real? Slag, I gotta get on that then! You think I can make my movie nights legit, a real human appreciation club? Aw man thats gonna be killer-”

Swerve’s voice faded out of Whirl’s processor with everything else again. The past half a deca-cycle had gone by fast. It felt like a whole new ship, the sounds of construction echoing from every deck. The noise was bad enough, but Rodimus had managed to grow an even greater, nastier ego about how much his idea had brought life back to the lost light. No one had thought such a thing was possible, and yet again, this new universe had proven them wrong. 

Whirl kicked his pedes a bit on the bar stool, tapping them against the bar. He hadn’t talked to Cyclonus or Tailgate really since the announcement day. They traded pleasantries when they saw one another, but Whirl had loads on his plate, important junk to think about, like…. Well nothing really, but it wasn’t like he was avoiding them either! It was just that every time they wanted to talk to him he was very conveniently busy. No big deal at all.

… And besides, they were busy renovating, and having fun with that was more important than him boring them with his cyclical existence of waking up in his hab suite and kicking the junk around until he was tired enough to recharge.

… what are you even supposed to say in response to ‘do you want to live in our hab unit with us?’

Maybe… yes?

Whirl shook his helm, growling as he stood up. 

“-atron was just WATCHING, it was so wild, I haven’t seen them argue that bad for a hot klik.” Rewind continued, optics flicking to the taller bot as he began to leave the bar. “Woof, Whirl you're swaying kind of bad-”

Swerve’s gaze also shifted to Whirl. “Ooouh, yeah- Hey man, be careful, I got a standard of care to uphold, you need someone to walk you back to your suite?” 

Whirl threw a wobbly servo up at them, staggering out of the door. “I’ll be just fine, don’t even worry about it.” 

He wandered through the halls, staggering and unbalanced. His processor was swimming, tired and sluggish. He walked for what felt like an hour, not getting any closer to his hab suite. He stumbled towards an observation window, slowly cycling his optic at the view of deep space. 

… His hab suite was nowhere near an observation window… 

Frag.

He kept walking, now with a new destination in mind. 

*

After what felt like even more than an hour, Whirl stood at the door of Cyclonus and Tailgate’s hab suite. If there was one thing going for this whole new renovation thing, it lended the interior of the ship a lot more colour. For instance, the couple’s door was painted a pretty new dark purple colour, with its room number now displayed proudly in flickering teal neon. A few loose building supplies and paint cans were strewn down the hall around the door, with a few tools left out as well. Whirl noted the possibility of someone stealing them, then briefly pondered the possibility of being the one to steal them. 

He stared at the door. The door was staring back at him. He could scratch the newly applied paint off, he could do it easily too, nobody would even know it was him. 

Frag you stupid door.

Frag right off you stupid door.

Whirl cycled his optic again, blurring his vision and letting the purple and teal colours melt together. 

You don’t even know me like that, you door. 

Couldn’t even hope to know me like that.

Bitchaft door. 

Whirl knocked, finally giving in. He did it so gently he was almost sure nobody would hear it. He nearly prayed no one did. 

He could hear someone moving around behind the door after a few moments. 

Frag. He was such a prick. It was the middle of the night. 

The door slid open with a quiet whoosh. 

“Oh, Whirl!” Tailgate exclaimed. Whirl had offlined his optic, swaying weakly in front of the door. He raised a servo and onlined his optic again sluggishly. 

“Tailgateeeee…” Whirl mumbled astutely, prodding a claw against the flat top of his head.

“Oooohhhh boy…” Tailgate grimaced, reaching his arms up to gently corral the bigger bot into the hab unit. “Looks like you had some fun at swerves, huh?”

“A rip roarin time, a slaggin bacchanal of a time, shoulda been there, you’d’ve loved every second.” Whirl mumbled, glancing around the unit. If his vision would stop swimming he’d have been able to admire all their work, but as it was right now- dark and late- the whole place looked too smudgey to make out. “They got gogo bots now, real class act, I’ll tell ya.” He babbled as tailgate coaxed him over to a couch. 

“Do they really??” Tailgate whispered, optics all wide and faceplate flushed. 

“No, I lied to you.” Whirl muttered, leaning back into the couch and bonking his helm against the arm rest. “Jus’ like me to do it too, takin advantage and stuff, bullyin a bot like you with my lies and mistruths.” 

Tailgate giggled, his optics squinting in that annoyingly cute way only he could pull off. “Aw slag, you got me with it too, I wouldn’t put it past Swerve to do something like that.”

“Would you keep goin’ if he did?” Whirl croaked, smiling-in his own way- at Tailgate. 

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Tailgate chuckled, sitting down on the couch near Whirl’s shoulder pad. “Who do you think he could convince to dance?” He asked as he tucked a pillow under Whirl’s helm

Whirl gazed at Tailgate. He felt warm. “Oh… uh…” He thought for a long klik, offlining his optic as he scanned his swimming databanks. “Oh- OH- I bet he could get Misfire to do it, he’d do somethin like that for energon.” 

“I think he could convince Nautica, she’s been loving to dance lately.” Tailgate replied. 

Whirl let out a raspy laugh, leaning his helm into the pillow. There was a moment of quiet between them. 

“You take good care of me…” Whirl mumbled, keeping his optic offline. He didn’t want to see Tailgate looking at him when he said stupid stuff like that. 

Stupid, it was stupid. He shouldn’t have come here. 

Tailgate chuckled again. 

It was a relief to know that at least he found him funny. “... Y’know… cyclonus told me ‘bout the.. Hab unit thing…” 

“Yeah?” Tailgate murmurs, a little reserved, a little nervous. 

“You really… were sad that I was by myself in my hab?” Whirl slurred, gulping down a hiccup midway through his words.

“... Well yeah… I dunno, I miss seeing you around more.” Tailgate admitted. “Cyclonus said you might feel better if you weren’t by yourself, and since we were already definitely going to do the renovation that we could just… move you in!” 

Whirl onlined his optic, glassily peering up at Tailgate. “Cyclonus said that?” 

“Mhm!” He confirmed, sitting up from his spot and puttering over to a different part of the unit. 

Whirl laid there, staring at the ceiling, dumbfounded. No way was Cyclonus the one to do that, no way. It made sense coming from Tailgate, but Cyclonus? Whirl let out a long exvent. His face(or lack thereof) felt a little hot, processing that news. 

“Aaaahhh, don’t even lie… he said it was you that- that uh.. That had the idea…” Whirl grumbled. Tailgate returned from the shadows, pushing a glass of non intoxicating energon into his talons. 

“No- It was his idea!” Tailgate laughed. “You should drink this by the way… and try to get some recharge. You can stay here until you're sober.” He paused, hesitating for a moment before leaning down to Whirl’s audial and conspiratorially whispering, “Or as long as you want after that too…”

He winked at him, before walking to a minibot sized armchair and sitting down. He produced a datapad from his subspace and began to read it quietly. 

Whirl peered at him quietly from the couch, cycling his optic. Each time it took longer for him to online them again. 

“... Thanks, TG…” Whirl mumbled. The last thing he saw through his fuzzy vision was the smile that earned him.

*

“Uuughhh….” 

The light was blinding. Bright, too bright, like the lamp of an operating table. 

An… an operating…

Whirl sat bolt upright with a punched out exvent, swinging his helm around the room in a daze. It wasn’t familiar, he hadn’t been here before, where-

“Ah, You’re awake-”

He whipped his head around, nearly headbutting Cyclonus as he leapt to his pedes. His venting was quick and heavy, coolant thick on his plating. 

“Woah- Easy-” Cyclonus reached his servos forwards, not quite touching Whirl but sort of trying to steady him. “You’re in our hab unit, you’re just fine, Whirl.”

Whirl lifted a servo to his head, groaning and cycling his optic a few times. “I feel like trash…” He muttered. 

“You did get drunk and recharge on our couch.” Cyclonus said. 

“Yea… yeah I remember.” 

“... I’d love to know why…” 

Whirl exvented, scratching at the back of his helm and glancing around. Construction clearly wasn’t finished here yet, but the room already felt fuller, more lived in. After stellar cycles of travel on this primus-forsaken ship, it felt like bots were finally starting to put together that this place was home. There were already bits of new furniture dotted around, the couch he’d crashed on, a short table, some chairs of varying size, a holovid projector. There were shelves around too, with some datapads around, some old keepsakes. It felt… homey. Comfortable, even. 

“... You said the door was open.” Whirl shrugged. 

There was a moment’s silence between them. There was something unspoken there. There always was, like a supernova waiting to happen every time they were alone together. Some cocktail of past grudges they left behind leaving a hole where something used to burn that neither of them really knew how to fill.

Yeah, Whirl guessed he could say something poetic like that about it if he wanted to.

Cyclonus sized Whirl up, his resting face softening just the barest amount. 

“And I got lost trying to find my Hab suite.” Whirl sneered. 

Ah, there it went. Cyclonus rolled his optics, turning away from him and walking towards a new part of their updated unit. “Idiot.” Cyclonus muttered. The new room was nice, no door, just a knocked down wall between their main old hab suite and the extension, now retrofitted into a small eating area with a bar with high chairs as well as a more normal dining table and chairs. Cyclonus poured himself a cube of fuel, taking a seat on one of the high chairs. 

Whirl glanced around. “So uh… where’s Tailgate?”

Cyclonus tilted his horns towards the opposite side of the hab unit to him. Whirl turned, noting two doors on either side of the wall. “He’s putting the finishing touches on a music system in the slabroom.” He explained. 

“Nice. Sounds… cool.” Whirl nodded awkwardly, making some varied noises with his vocalizer. 

Cyclonus took a sip from his glass. 

It was so uncomfortably quiet, he was starting to notice the humm of the ship’s engines again. 

“I should get out of here.” Whirl said, just as the couple’s slabroom door opened and Tailgate popped out with a datapad in hand. 

“Hey Whirl!” He greeted, chipper as ever. He trotted across the unit to Cyclonus, climbing up onto the high chair next to him with some effort. The two of them shared a brief kiss while Cyclonus slid a second filled cup of fuel in front of his conjunx. Whirl averted his gaze. 

“Hey Tailgate… sorry for popping out of the metalwork last night.” Whirl said. “Hope I made your night more interesting.” 

Tailgate nodded a bit. “It was no problem- you should take a seat!” Tailgate said, gesturing to the other side of the bar. 

“Uh-” Whirl glanced at Cyclonus. Cyclonus gave him another meaningful look, nodding towards the chair. “... Okay, sure.” He said, letting out a heavy vent. 

He took a seat across from them as tailgate prodded around on his datapad. “Soooo, I know you’re not all there on the whole unit thing, BUT! I’ve been looking around the holoboards…” He began. “And I thought maybe it would be fun if we all looked into one of these new clubs!” He turned the datapad around to the others, beaming as the pad showed off a list of potential clubs.

“Ah- Are you sure you want me in on this?” Whirl asked, stifling a laugh. “I’m not exactly the ‘fun low stakes activity’ type-” 

“I think it’s a great idea.” Cyclonus immediately replied, half cutting off whirl with his abrupt affirmative. 

“Well how many ‘fun low stakes activities’ have you done recently?” Tailgate retorted. 

Whirl wracked his processor for a moment. Drinking… some dancing while drinking… sat through half of one movie night with swerve… “... Touche.” Whirl looked between the two of them for a moment, taking in their closeness, their expressions- one hopeful, the other more serene. 

“...Alright, what did you have in mind then?”

[ink-and-blood-goddess]

All My Love For You (Arthur Harrow x Reader)

Requested by Anonymous-Hiii there! I really enjoy all your stuff and I literally am in love with your writing!

If it’s not too much to ask, may I request for Arthur Harrow x reader fic where the reader is in love with Arthur but she doesn’t think he feels the same? Like unrequited love but in secret Arthur likes her too? Angst/fluff or hurt/comfort would be amazing!

A/N-Finally, another request finished and ready. Again, I felt I’ve gone overboard with this, but hey at least it’s finished. Anon, I hope you enjoy this after waiting over a year for this to be done.

Requests have been opened back up for two weeks. If anybody still wants to make a request, please send it through my inbox or DM (Direct Message) so that I can get started on it :). Lists are down below for better navigation.

Also, on my last fanfic request post, I’ve noticed people commenting down below to be tagged in the next part of it. If anybody wants to be tagged in the next fanfic request or one of my own, please do so, it’ll help me out more when I post…

List of Characters IV

Underworld Requests

Good Omens

Warnings: Major angst, some language, fear of loneliness, not being loved back, mentions of heartbreak, mentions of past abuse, and tons and tons of fluff at the end 

Citrus Scale: 🍎

W.C+: 4.4K

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love. That’s the only thing you feel for your master and mentor Arthur Harrow. It felt like a stupid high school type crush, but for you it feels more serious than that.

In the past, you’ve had many abused relationships with other men and how they abused your love for them. After your last relationship ended very badly, you’ve had enough and left without turning back. The only thing you took with you was your backpack with only clothes and some money you’ve saved up.

As you walked alone down the streets at the dead of night, you cried your eyes out with your heart aching with complete heartbreak. Your soft sobs echoed through the abandoned alleyways of the buildings you’ve passed by.

Your cries were heard, as a mysterious man came out of the shadows of one of the buildings. He was quite shocked to see you at this time of night. That’s when he noticed your tear ridden face, glistening beneath the street lights. Whatever you’ve been through, he invited you to come inside with him.

With everything you’ve been through and nothing else left in your life, you took up his offer and went inside with him.

Taking you in by your hand, he guided you into the building and took you into a private area for you to rest.

After a few hours of rest and some warm food inside of your stomach, he asked you why you were walking all alone on the streets in the dead of night. Soon after you broke down and told him everything that happened. 

He listened carefully to you as you told him about your past relationships and how they abused the love you’d given them. After your last relationship ended on a sour note, you’ve had enough and left that sorry asshole behind. You sobbed and sobbed with your hands covering your tear ridden face, feeling like total shit as you told all of this to a complete stranger you just met.

But he sat there, listening to you talk about what you’ve gone through and how horrible you were treated. Rubbing his hand up and down your back, comforting you in a way.

He felt so bad for you, watching you cry. Sorrow filled his blue eyes and felt his heart grow heavy with it too. With no other place to go to turn to, he offered you a place within his community to stay and heal from your past.

You were forever grateful for his offer and for himself. You had a place to stay and to call it home. You felt safe now.

That was a few years ago. You’ve been living happily inside of the community ever since and never looked back. Feeling more safe in this new environment and connecting with the other members of the community as well. 

Over the past few years you lived here, you’ve became more closer towards Arthur. Teaching and mentoring you through his guidance. How his soft voice puts you into a trance of sorts whenever he speaks to you.

The time you spent with Arthur, the more he understood of what you’ve went through. How each time his heart grew heavier and heavier of sorrow, when you talked about your past partners and how they never loved you in return.

He’s always there for you. Checking up during the day and night to see if you're comfortable, seeing each other during meal time, and spending quality time with just the two of you. 

With all this quality time spent with Arthur, you’ve grown much closer to him in the past three years. From holding hands to embracing one another under the moonlight, you never realized what was happening right before your eyes. You were falling in love again.

But how? After your last relationship, you swore to yourself not to fall in love ever again. You didn’t want to start all over again. Didn’t want your heart broken. It felt like a never ending cycle for you and it haunted you deeply.

The very thought of it scared you each minute you spent with him. It felt like you were sick, but you were fine. 

Any time you were with Arthur, the pit of your stomach grew more and more wider as your love for him took over your mind. You didn’t mean to fall in love again, but you couldn’t let go of the feeling.

It felt like Cupid shot you with one of his arrows and can’t take it out. That arrow will be forever stuck inside of your chest. Your heart fluttered like a little caged bird every time you saw Arthur or spent time with him. 

The more it grew, the more you loved him. But you never told him. You became afraid of what’ll Arthur would say or think if you say ‘I love you’ to him. That he’ll never love you back and leave you. That’s the thing you feared the most in any relationship. Having somebody leave you.

That’s the very thing you didn’t want happening to you at all. So you kept it to yourself and never said anything about your feelings towards Arthur. Keeping it a secret meant that you’ll never tell him and he’ll never find out about the whole thing either.

You kept your feelings a secret for a few weeks, until one night they were uncovered.

It was a quiet night in the community. A gentle, cool wind blew through the leaves and branches of the trees outside of the walls. Sweeping through the dining hall and into the other areas of the community.

You zipped up your jacket to your neck as the cool breeze passed through where you were sitting in the dining hall. After shivering a bit, you went back to eating the hot, lentil soup that sat in front of you on the table. 

Half of the community members were gathered around one another for tonight’s meal. All of them were talking and laughing over what they were up to or what they did from today. They were all happy, not caring about anything at all. You wish it was the same for yourself.

Your (E/C) eyes scanned through the dining hall to see if Arthur was anywhere. It was really hard to tell through the large crowd of community members.

After looking around for a few moments, you went back to eating. Taking in another spoonful of the lentil soup, you felt the semi hot liquid swirl around your tongue and trickle down your throat slowly.

It felt really nice to have a warm meal each day and a cozy bed to sleep in, but that wouldn’t have happened without Arthur. He gave you a place to stay and food to eat. He also didn’t give up on you either. 

Standing by your side almost every day, as you slowly got over your heartbreak. He never left you alone, until you got better. 

Arthur treated you much differently than the other members of the community. In a way, it made you feel special in his eyes.

After a couple of weeks of staying here, you started to warm up to your new surroundings. The members of the community were very nice to you and accepted you as one of their own. You became a part of their family in a way.

For the past few years of calling this place home, you felt something pull yourself towards Arthur. At first you thought you were sick, but you were completely fine. This also happened on other occasions whenever you were around him too.

There were instances when Arthur spoke to you with his soft voice, your whole face felt hot and glowed red. You didn’t even know that was happening at all and it felt like your heart was ready to explode from it too.

Other times you felt your heart beating faster than it should. The blood rushing up to your face so quickly you almost fainted several times. Your heart felt like a caged bird ready to burst out of your chest.

There were a number of other things like Arthur’s hand slightly brushing up against yours, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, letting you sit next to him at meal times, and spending time alone with just you.

At first you thought it was Arthur treating you differently after what you’ve been through before coming to the community.

 You missed the signs so many times, not even realizing until it was too late. Never realizing that you’ve fallen in love with Arthur.

Ever since, you’ve been trying to avoid the topic and avoid Arthur at all costs. 

You felt defeated in a way. Mostly defenseless against your own feelings overcoming you and your whole mind. Lately, you’ve been overthinking about this whole situation. What would Arthur say and how would he react to you saying you love him?

The awful dread filled both your mind and heart like a large black hole swallowing you whole. Arthur hating and leaving you for loving him haunted you all over the place in your mind. The very last thing you ever wanted to happen was to be alone and heartbroken forever. Still, you don’t really know how to deal with the whole situation that’s causing you pain and torment mentally.

As you continued to eat another spoonful of lentil soup, a hand suddenly came out of nowhere and gently gripped your shoulder. “Aw there you are my dear. I’ve been looking all over the place for you,” a familiar voice followed. Taking the spoon out of your mouth and swallowing the soupy liquid down your throat, you looked over your shoulder to see it was just Arthur.

Arthur looked peaceful tonight. He always is. Standing over your shoulder like a calm shadow. Both of his hands gripped the two handles of his cane, as he slightly leaned over. Several silver strands of his grayish brown hair blew across his pale skin when another gust of wind came through. 

His blue eyes looked upon your surprised face after startling you. He could tell you were quite surprised and somewhat uncomfortable when he touched you. That was soon replaced with a smile on his lips.

��Oh, I’m sorry my dear have I startled you?” He asked as he pulled a chair up to sit next to you. You shook your head a bit. “Not a bit Arthur.” You said with a smile and took another spoonful.

He chuckled a bit, “That’s very good to hear. How’s your lentil soup?” 

“Good as always Arthur,” you said after removing the spoon from your lips and placing it back into the halfway done soup bowl. You then grabbed the cloth napkin from your lap and used one of the edges to wipe your mouth off.

“Another good thing to hear,” he chuckled more at your response, “good thing to have on a night like this.” You nodded in response. Another small gust of wind came through, making you both shiver at the same time.

Arthur had on his beige jacket like he always does at night. Even though you had your jacket zipped up to your neck, you still felt cold from the breeze coming through.

You picked the spoon back up and dipped it into the bowl again. “(Y/N) I like to ask you something,” he said as he watched you put another spoonful in. It was usual for Arthur to ask you questions about certain things, as long you know what he’s talking about. You nodded your head in response as a yes, what is it.

“Have you been feeling ill of late? You’re not your usual self when you’re around me.” You felt your heart skip a beat or two when he asked THAT question. The one you’ve been dreading he’ll ask you about what’s been going on with you lately.

You shook your head. “No, I’m perfectly fine Arthur. Why do you ask?” You asked after taking the spoon out and placed it onto the table next to the wooden bowl.

Arthur shifted a bit in his seat and darted his eyes away from you, as he looked around the community dining room for a bit and then came back to look at you.

“You’ve been acting quite strangely the past couple months, I’ve grown very worried for you. It’s like you’ve been distancing yourself from me. Did I do something wrong or has something been bothering you lately,” his voice sounded a bit hurt.

Shit. He’s starting to notice. I need to put a stop to this now or else. I don’t want to start this fucking cycle all over again, your thoughts took over your mind. This can’t go on forever. You have to tell him. Tonight, but not here. There’s too many eyes and ears all over the place. You have to make your move now or it’ll be too late.

“Yes Arthur,” you finally say, “something has been bothering me. The reason I haven’t been around you much, is because I didn’t want to worry you about it. I didn’t know how to talk about it either.” You turned your head away a bit and closed your eyes.

“I see,” he said as he let out a heavy sigh. You opened your eyes back up and turned your head towards him again.

He was turned away from you, but his head snapped back towards you. It was like he was waiting for you to look back at him.

“Not that I’m mad about it at all my dear (Y/N). I understand that you’ve kept this issue from me. You wanted to spare my feelings from what you’re dealing with.” He sounded so calm, but sounded wounded in his voice.

“Whatever it is (Y/N). I want to know what you’re going through. You can’t keep me in the dark if you continue doing this to me. I’m still your friend here. I don’t want you to deal with this on your own. This issue you’re dealing with won’t let up if you just talk to me about it.”

Arthur has a point there. You can’t keep this up anymore. Arthur deserves the truth. The truth that you love him.

You turned away for a bit and looked through the dining hall, making sure nobody near you was listening. Then you turned back to Arthur.

“Alright Arthur, I’ll talk about what’s been on my mind,” you then leaned in closer towards him, “but not here. I want to talk about it privately. There’s too many eyes and ears around us.”

Arthur nodded in agreement with you, “alright. Perhaps after dinner then. It’ll be much quieter for us to talk. How does that sound?” You smiled a bit at him as you nodded in agreement.

“After dinner sounds good to me Arthur. It’ll help me more with my thoughts,” you said as you felt your face heat up a bit.

“Let’s talk about in my living area. It’ll be much quieter when everybody has gone to bed for the night,” he said as he got up and lightly patted you on the shoulder. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later Arthur,” you gave him a warm smile and he smiled back at you. As he walked away with his cane in hand, you felt your heart grow heavier by the second. You have to tell him. Now or never.

After finishing the last of the lentil soup, you helped clean up and put everything away for the night. With everybody gone to bed now, you headed to Arthur’s living area on the ground floor.

Your thoughts began to eat at your mind again, as you walked up to the door with the crocodile door knocker looking down at you. Before you could knock upon the door, it opened up with Arthur on the other side. There was a friendly smile on his lips. The mere sight of you always makes him happy.

“(Y/N). Come on in. I’ve made some tea for us,” Arthur stepped back a bit and you came inside. Arthur’s living area was quite different from the other living spaces, including yours. It was more spacious and had more room to it. The kitchen area was almost the same size of your bedroom alone.

“Go on and sit down at the table. I’ll bring out the tea,” he said as he closed the door behind you and then walked off towards the kitchen. You walked over to the table that was near the wall towards where the kitchen was.

You pulled out the chair nearest to the end of the table and sat down. Your thoughts raced through your mind rapidly. Trying to think of what to say to him and how he’ll react to it. Your hands started to shake a bit and your fingers twitched. It felt like you were about to have a nervous breakdown. The clinking of glass brought you back to the real world.

Turning and looking over your shoulder, you watched as Arthur walked out with two terracotta red mugs in each hand. Steam swirled around in the air, when Arthur walked closer to the table.

Once he got to the side where you were sitting, he placed down the mug in front of you with one hand and then the other mug at his seat. Finally, he sat down at the end of the table and pushed the seat forward at an angle to face towards you.

“Go on ahead my dear. It’s ginger, lemon and honey. Helps with a sore throat,” he said as he took some small sips from his mug.

You picked up the mug placed in front of you, blew into it a few times, and took a few quick sips of it. The hot and sweet tea went down your throat quickly as it burned a bit. You tasted both the lemon and ginger right away, with the honey following.

It took a moment or two for the tea to cool down a bit to be more drinkable. With your tea half gone, you let the other half cool off some more and set the mug back down onto the table. Arthur puts down his as well, licking some of the left over tea off of his lips.

“So (Y/N). What’s been bothering you,” he asked in a calm voice. When he asked you the question, you felt your fingers twitch again. It’s like your entire body was going haywire.

You thought it out for a moment or two, until you found the right words. “It’s difficult to explain Arthur. There’s so many words and I don’t know how to use them. Like swallowing them all at once, but can’t seem to find the right ones.”

As you started to talk, Arthur rested his chin in the palm of his left hand as he placed his arm upon the table for support.

“Arthur,” you said as your heart began to slowly beat faster, “a few years ago. You invited me inside and let me live here after what I’ve been through that night. I’m forever grateful for what you did for me.”

“Over the past few years, you’ve shown nothing but kindness and compassion towards me. Helping and guiding me through your teachings as I became a member of the community here. Treating me like a totally different person entirely and making me feel safe within these walls all of us call home.

“And through that, something inside me changed. I didn’t know at first. I thought it was just a one time thing, but it never went away. Whenever you spent time with me, that thing stayed with me the entire time. To me, it felt like pulling myself towards you as it swelled up more and more. Still, I didn’t know what it was, until it was too late when I found out.” 

Arthur shifted in his seat a bit. Growing very worried about you by the second now. “Found what (Y/N),” he asked in a calm, worried manner. “What did you find out too late about?”

Your heart began to beat much faster now. Like a bird stuck within a rose bush full of prickly thorns. Your mind racing all over the place, as you try to keep calm.

“I thought of forgetting about the whole thing and just move on. It only worked for a few weeks, until now. I stopped thinking of the whole thing, but they crept towards me and my mind. By now, it was already too late.” You grew silent now. Your heartbeat increased in seconds, waiting for a question from Arthur.

“Too late? Too late for what (Y/N),” Arthur was becoming more worried now. In his voice, he sounded hurt.

IT’S TIME. JUST SAY IT, your thoughts started screaming at you. Every fiber inside of your body felt like they’re going to explode now.

“Arthur Harrow. I’m in love with you.” Once you said that, complete silence filled the air. You felt your breath hitch in your throat after saying that. 

Shock quickly went across Arthur’s face. His hand left his chin and went to the table in a quick flash. “You’re what?”

Suddenly you felt the flood gates open very rapidly, “oh God Arthur, I’m so sorry,” you cried out. Tears began to stream down your face very rapidly. “I didn’t know how you’ll react to this. Ever since I came here and after the shit I’ve been through, I thought it would never happen to me again, but it did. I started having feelings for you when we started to get closer with one another. At first I thought I was sick, but instead I was love sick. Love sick for you. That’s all it is. Feelings for you. I grew afraid that you’ll never love me in return after I declared mine for you. Wasting all my feelings away and I regret that now. I’m sorry for doing this to you Arthur. I didn’t know this was going to happen to anybody, especially you of all people. I just didn’t want my feelings crushed again. I just want to-”

You were suddenly cut off, as Arthur kissed you on the lips. You never saw him get up, since your tears blinded you in your rant. They felt warm and soft against yours. The smell of the tea he made intoxicated your senses as he slowly kissed you. It tasted sweet. Slowly, Arthur lifted his head up and removed his lips. 

He smiled a bit, as tears began to run down his face. You felt shock go through your whole body. Both your heart and mind were fucking screaming like crazy. You opened your mouth, but no words came out yet.

 “Arthur-” you finally said, but was cut off when Arthur raised his hand. “No need to explain any more my dear (Y/N). You were afraid of telling how you felt about me and I understand that. Believe me, you’re not alone on this.” Arthur choked up a bit, as more tears streamed down over his cheeks.

You felt your heart skip a beat or two, “Arthur, what are you talking about?” You leaned in a bit closer, awaiting an answer.

Arthur sighed heavily, turned his face away from you, and slowly closed his eyes. You could tell he felt uncomfortable. There was something else that you didn’t know about.

He then turned his head back over to you and slowly opened his eyes back up, with tears still streaming down.

“(Y/N),” he said softly, “the very first time I met you, you needed help. You were all by yourself that one night. Walking along the dark alleyway and I took you in. You were so fragile, I didn’t want anything else happening to you. I made sure you were safe when I invited you into my home. From that night on, I felt something blossom inside. At first I thought it was something else, but it wasn’t. That’s when I felt it. Love. I fell in love with you (Y/N).”

You felt your heart stop for a second or two, with your breath caught inside of your throat. Arthur. He’s in love with me. But why did he hide this from me, your thoughts were running rapidly as your heart started fluttering inside of your ribcage.

“Oh Arthur,” you breathed out with a sigh, holding one hand close to your chest while the other covered your mouth. “How long have you been hiding this?”

“Three years,” he said in a calm, low voice, “three whole years I’ve kept it secret from you. At first I didn’t know how you’ll react to it. So I kept quiet about the whole thing and went on. Though, I only showed little signs of my love for you. Hiding it was the only possible way to keep it secret. Until tonight of course.”

Three years. Three years he kept it secret from you. You felt relieved and happy at the same time. Arthur felt the same way as you did. Keeping his feelings and love for you hidden, because he didn’t know how you’d react to him.

Both of you have feelings for one another, but didn’t know how either of you would react when you proclaimed your love for Arthur and his love for you. 

“Oh Arthur,” you said as you removed your hands from your mouth and chest and knelt down in front of him. You then placed your hands on top of his on his lap. Arthur looked down upon you, with his tears stopped flowing down his face.

“It’s alright Arthur. I understand what you did and I don’t hate you for it. Both of us didn’t know how to handle our feelings for one another. But that’s okay. We love one another and that’s all. Just the two of us, Arthur. Just the two of us.”

Your thoughtful words brought a big smile to him and to yourself.

“You’re absolutely right my dear (Y/N). We have each other’s love.” He said. You then picked yourself up off the floor slowly and then you placed your lips upon his. With your hands still on his, you felt your fingers intertwine with one another as you kissed and kissed.

At last, you felt your heart sync up with Arthur’s. There’s no other way, but just to keep kissing and kissing as long as you could.

Finally, you have somebody to love you in return and love you for all eternity.     

[ambrosialdesire]

cacoëthes

[ PART ONE ] [ PART TWO ] [ PART THREE ]

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS + BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing: s4 reiner x fem!reader word count: 14.3k warnings + tags: general yandere and obsessive themes, unhealthy relationships, kidnapping mention, gore/violence, minor character death, drugging mention (sleeping pills), slight misogyny, slight stockholm syndrome, vomit mention (nonsexual), noncon/dubcon, sexual implications, mention of male masturbation, a dash of porco x reader, somnophilia (but the reader is awake and pretending to be asleep), dry-humping kinda, virginity mention, kinda aot spoilers if you haven't watched it before, all characters are 18+ synopsis: it's been three years since reiner had taken you away to marley and you've been getting used to the brand new world since then. you have a good husband, his family tolerates you, and his fellow warriors are somewhat decent people. what he doesn't know is that everything was coming to an end, three years of planning an escape won't go to waste of course. a/n: this shit took me forever idk why i decided to make it this long lol this is fr a passion project at this point (i want reiner so bad) but anyways i hope y'all enjoy this, there's one more part after this and it's gonna contain ALL the dirty bits >:) note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

Drowning was certainly an odd feeling. You were on the teetering edge of consciousness and unconsciousness, but it was definite that you were unable to completely open your eyes. It was disgustingly warm and humid, but a sudden spike of cold hit your moistened skin as you were getting pulled out of something.

Someone was pushing on your chest rapidly, muffled begging echoing in your eardrums. A few more sturdy pumps on your chest and you turned your head suddenly, throwing up any liquid that remained in your lungs and shooting up roughly coughing. You... you weren't dead? But you swore that you were just eaten by Bertolt.

You continued to cough to clear out the remnants of whatever you were in but began to observe your surroundings at the same time. Your blurred eyes first latched on the one who cleared your lungs, the person having a relieved but worried smile on his face. Your vision suddenly cleared in a furious rage.

"You fucker!"

Throwing yourself on the black haired man, your hands wrapped around his throat angrily and squeezed down as hard as you possibly could. The deep slice that Mikasa had once made was long gone and you wished that she had managed to slice his head clean off. He gagged under your hands, weakly trying to pull them off. You were only stopped as another man harshly told you to knock it off and pulled at the back of your shirt away from Bertolt, seeing him gasp for air and hold his neck.

"Don't fucking touch me Braun." You hissed, slapping the newly replaced hand off of you. You didn't want him to ever touch you ever again, the mere thought disgusting you.

"Y/N-"

"I don't want to hear it, not from two rats like you and you."

You took more observations with the environment, seeing that they ended up at the forest that the Female Titan had taken many lives in. Eren and Ymir were here too, passed out on another branch of the large tree. Eren's arms were cut off from the elbow, and Ymir's arm and leg were still regenerating slowly. Cruel pieces of shit.

"Be grateful that Bertolt managed to not dissolve you in his mouth, otherwise you'd be digesting in his stomach by now." He was talking to you peacefully as if this was all normal and nothing happened, but all you wanted to do was stab his goddamn heart out.

"Grateful? Grateful?!" You scornfully laughed aloud, an angry expression still worn. "I'd rather be a meal by now than talking to you."

Your hand reached over where your sword should've been but there was nothing there, being swallowed whole by Bertolt must've crushed up your gear or maybe the stomach acid destroyed them. Weird that it didn't kill you but it was most definitely frustrating that you had nothing to defend yourself. You reared him in the stomach with your elbow, turning around to face him as you attempted to punch his face. But he grabbed your hand before you could throw one, pushing you down onto the branch and pinning you back down.

"I told you Reiner, she'd be too much trouble to take back home." Bertolt fretted as he ran a hand through his short hair. You stopped struggling under the man, looking at the other with confusion.

"...What did you say?"

"I'm taking you back to our homeland, you and those two." Was he delusional, he had to be delusional.

"This is the only place that humanity remains, are you telling me you're taking me to a land where Titans live?!" You screeched and Reiner covered your mouth with his free hand, shutting you up. You bit down on his hand but he didn't move away, only pressing down harder until you stopped. Dull teeth were never going to be able to tear through a monster's skin.

"You're being unreasonable, it's a continent across the sea called Marley. Bertolt, Annie, and I came from there, our mission was to retrieve the Founding Titan from Paradis Island. It's been years since we left our home and now we can finally leave. Shame we weren't able to retrieve what we actually came for." He grumbled the last part but you were horrified with what he had just revealed. He and Bertolt lied about their backstory, they never lived in Wall Maria; they decimated it. They destroyed your life. Destroyed other peoples' lives.

But you were even more confused, you weren't a Titan shifter like them so why did he want to bring you along?

You tried to speak under his hand, only for it to be muffled, so he released his hold from your mouth.

"Why... Why bring me? I don't have any Titan form like the lot of you."

Reiner smiled down at you, the kind where it held such excitement that you wanted to puke.

"I decided that we were going to get married in Marley. You'll be my wife, but it's going to be a difficult process trying to have a Paradisian Eldian apply for citizenship."

"You're insane!" You shrieked, gaping with dread. No way in hell were you going to marry this crazy Titan guy, not after you found out that he was in cahoots with the other that fucked up your life.

"You're fucking insane if you think I'll marry you!"

You started to struggle underneath him, panic setting in again. This was your home, your only home in the world. No matter where Reiner would take you, it would never be a home of yours. Was that why he asked that question way back then?

"Hoover, you can't let him do this! Why are you enabling him when I have no use to you?!" You cried out to the man in vain, his gaze avoiding yours completely. Reiner shot a glare at his friend as he struggled to keep you apprehended under him. Cowardly fuck.

Through the haze of your alarmed anger, Bertolt mentioned to his partner-in-crime that he should knock you out again so you'd stop screaming so much.

Oh, so now he wants to talk. You were about to reply with a snarky response but deft fingers pinched a part of your neck, and you fell silent, falling asleep once more.

"Why'd you have to choose the one who's giving us too much of a fight Reiner?" Bertolt sighed and the man promptly ignored him, lifting you up gently to tie your hands together and to wrap your mouth with a cloth.

"Once we reach the Shiganshina District and meet up with Zeke, that's where we'll drop off Y/N so she won't be a part of the fight anymore."

"Will we be able to reach there on time? The Corps must be after us already and we still have to get Annie." Reiner set you down gently and patted his friend on the back.

"Don't worry, once we reach him and discuss what we can do to get her back, you can finally confess to her."

"Reiner!"

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

You didn't know how long you were out for, fading in and out of consciousness yet again. Whatever they did to you, it kept you well asleep for a while. You do remember faint glimpses, from being hoisted on this four-legged Titan's back to being medically treated by strangers. You faintly felt their fingers poke and prod at you, like you were some kind of unknown specimen, a new species. Yet the one thing you couldn't remember was that you never saw Reiner or Bertolt, no they weren't there for as long as you slept.

Maybe it was a dream, all of this. You were sleeping in the Corps dorms, the girls had forgotten to wake you up for today's duties, and you'd soon get scolded by the short captain and being told to mop the floor till it's squeaky clean. Everything was fine. As fine as it could get in this world.

Drowsiness was the first thing that hit you. You noticed that it was nighttime, dim lantern light being the only source that lit up the room... a metal room?

In confusion, you sat up. There was a circular window on one of the sides of the wall and you walked up to it, wobbling from unsteadiness and exhaustion. When you looked out, there was nothing but a dark and unwelcoming emptiness.

A large iron door with its own window was on the other side of the room and you took a few steps towards it, pulling the knob down and opening it. It groaned open and you examined the outside, checking both sides of the hallway. More cold metal encased everything that you saw, where in the world were you right now?

Heavy footsteps clanged towards you and you panicked, closing the door quickly and jumping back in bed, pretending that you were still asleep. The familiar groaning was heard, the steps quieter and slower as they approached you. You had half the mind to jump and attack the person that entered, but a reasonable part of you told you not to do it.

"Y/N?" Well look who arrived, your new worst enemy.

As much as you didn't want to see him, you turned your body towards him anyway. Relief flooded in his expression and he reached over to caress your face. You avoid it completely, pushing him away with your hand. You asked softly with a firm tone, "Where are we?"

"You probably don't know this kind of advanced machinery, but we're on a boat back to Marley." Ah, so the scouts weren't able to retrieve you. What unfortunate and devastating information you've learned. Tears began to well up but you brushed those sad thoughts aside, they probably thought you were already dead from when Bertolt grabbed you on top of the wall.

"Eren and Ymir?"

"Eren was taken back, we weren't able to retrieve him unfortunately. Ymir's here though, she went with us with no complaints." Was he just saying that or was she also forced on board? And how lucky Eren was to be saved once again by the scouts and his friends. So. Damn. Lucky.

"...Hoover?"

"Dead." Goosebumps rose up on your skin, wasn't he the Colossal Titan? They... they finally managed to kill that fifty meter fucker?

"How?"

"Eren and Armin are quite the clever ones, Armin now has the Colossal's power because of their plan." What did that mean? You wanted to ask but his face was twisted in a vague, hidden pain.

You decided to stop asking questions for his sake and the two of you were silent, the only movements he made were him sitting down on the edge of the bed. Remembering back to what he said in the forest, you stupidly decided to bring it up.

"I don't want to be your wife." You whispered in a shaky tone, clenching the blanket in a tight fist.

"You'll learn to accept it for what it is. You'll like it there, no over-the-top walls and you'll be able to meet my mother. She'll disagree with our relationship at first, but she'll learn to like you, I prom-"

You shook your head, frustrated that he wasn't listening to you again. Trying to deescalate the situation, you attempted to talk him out of it.

"Braun, you're not in the right state of mind. You were my friend, a brother. I never wanted to date or marry you, especially now that I know who you really are. I'm sorry."

Reiner was quiet, deathly still kind of quiet. If he wasn't mentally unhinged before, he could definitely now be.

"Don't test me Y/N. I have all the patience in the world for you, but right now, there's not a single soul here that will save you for what I could do to you. And there are many things I want to do to you."

He reached over to you and you flinched, terrified that he was about to strike you after knowing what kind of strength he possessed. Yet no sharp pain came nor a broken jaw, just gentle rubs against your cheek were administered instead. You peeked through your closed eyes, only seeing a twisted, infatuated look directed towards you. An idea popped in your head, you'd use him in order to escape.

You'll be able to find your way back home one way or another eventually, but for now, you'd play the part Reiner wants from you. His loving and doting wife.

You tilted your face closer to his touch, even pressing his hand closer to your cheek with your own. You watched him smile happily and lean close to you, warmth spreading across your skin. The two of you shared a stare, your heart beating wildly in your ribcage.

Reiner pulled you close to him and gave you a soft kiss on your forehead. You wanted to cringe away from him, wanted to uppercut him right in the jaw. But you had to hide your hate, it's the only way you'll manage to get out.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" He asked, voice completely over the moon.

"We'll take our time, I'll wait until you're ready."

"Yeah okay... that sounds like a plan."

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

You stayed in a prison room for weeks. To be completely honest, you stopped counting once you reached around the sixteenth day. When the boat boarded Marley, you and Reiner were surrounded by Marleyan militia that moved the both of you into a containment area.

Those hate-filled looks from these foreign people, you couldn't understand what you did to make them look at you like that.

You were just like them... right?

You saw a glimpse of Ymir being shoved out with her hands and mouth wrapped, and you were happy to see another familiar face. But that happiness did not last long as she was moved into a different building from yours, giving you a pitiful and sorrowful look. In your heart, you knew it would be the last time you'd see the girl. Poor, poor Historia...

Reiner told you that you'd be staying in the cell until your citizenship and marriage certification were approved, but he'd visit you everyday and teach you the language and history between Marley and Eldia. You somewhat appreciated that he was willing to take the time to actually help you learn. His naiveness only made it easier for you to escape this place faster.

Along with him teaching you, he began telling you his real life. The real story of Reiner Braun, the Marley warrior and not the Paradis soldier. He was a product of a Marleyan-blooded father and an Eldian-blooded mother, dedicating himself as a child to become a warrior so his father would come back and his family would finally be whole again. But he rejected him, never seeing him as his son due to his Eldian lineage. You felt just a smidge of sympathy for him as he spoke about it, even if your own family was long gone because of him, everyone was still loved equally.

After he was chosen to become the Armored Titan, four out of six warriors were told to go to Paradis in order to retrieve the Founding Titan. Marcel, the user that had the Jaw Titan, was unfortunately eaten by Ymir; you were shocked to find out that is how one became a Titan Shifter, hearing the morbid truth behind the shifting. Despite losing one of their members, they still continued with their operation.

That was the start of everything, from the death of your family to you joining the training corps years later to you sparring him to now. He rambled on and on about you, telling you things that made your gut negatively twist. How he has been watching you after the training spar to how he collected your flower rings as memorabilia, all these things before you truly befriended this monster.

Reiner says he has been deeply in love with you since then but the way you saw it, he was just a mad man that was using you as an anchor for his own sanity.

He didn't love you.

You were just a toy, the closest person he could attach to after losing everyone in Paradis. You were unknowingly keeping him level through the years. Fear was slowly seeping in as you would not know how he would react if he knew your plans for escaping.

He mustn't know a single peep of your escape, not a single word.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

It's been roughly three years since you've been taken from Paradis Island.

You have become well-acquainted to what Marley has to offer, despite living in the internment zone of Liberio and wearing an armband that symbolizes your supposed "devil" lineage. It was a decently peaceful life, you were able to do things that you didn't normally do in Paradis like go shopping for groceries and clothing; you were able to walk down streets without worrying if a Titan was nearby or about to bust through the wall.

It was similar to life back home, just more advanced technologically. You were shocked to learn what planes and cars were, accidentally clinging on Reiner's arm when a few flew overhead and some drove by. But the biggest glaring difference for you though was that a nearly fifty meter wall never blocked your sight as you stared into the skies.

Reiner had you meet the other warriors and his family over the years, they were the ones you were mostly allowed to speak to. They were a struggle to win over, it always hurt being called names and being threatened at. Eventually they had no choice but accept you as his wife, seeing how kind you treated him and how despite them constantly berating you, you never gave up nor frowned at their cruel treatment.

Truth be told, you could care less if they liked you but it was important to him to have you get along with them. He cared a lot about family, which you can understand well.

With the warriors, you preferred chatting with Pieck out of the lot of them. Zeke was too intimidating to speak to and it always felt that he was scheming something, and Porco didn't really like talking to you in general, most likely because you came from enemy lines. So Pieck was pretty much a neutral option as she didn't really look at you all that differently like many people do in this nation. You found out that she was the four-legged Titan — Cart Titan, as they liked to call it — that transported you to the boat, a small kindness but also a duty she was set to fulfill for the other warrior.

"You're one of us now." She once mentioned in a hushed tone.

"Are you saying that to make me feel better about my situation?" You questioned as you folded a sheet over your legs, glancing at the woman standing next to you.

"Hm... perhaps I am but we're all people simply trying to survive in the end, right?" Pieck ruffled your hair gently, soon walking away to find Porco. That made you think more than you should have, so you tried to avoid conversations about being Eldian or being from Paradis.

To the more serious issues, your marriage with Reiner has been... upsettingly decent. The act of trying to be a perfect wife had slipped unfortunately, there were many impatient attempts of trying to kill him but you knew all too well afterwards that those were for naught. So you put your murderous intentions on pause temporarily, waiting and waiting for the right moment.

To your luck, he never really put any pressure or punishment on you, mostly because he was gone most of the time fighting small wars in various parts of Marley. You were happy that he was gone so often for so long and trusted you enough to give you the freedom of going out, it gave you time to continue planning. You were able to take and hide money right under his nose and you bought a diary, writing your scheme down so you wouldn't forget; you decided to vent your thoughts as well since no one in Liberio was able to understand what you were going through.

You hid these items in a shoebox in the closet, pushing it to the back to ensure that he wouldn't catch it at a first glance. He never really dug in there anyways, you've noted.

On most occasions, you find yourself praying to some God for him to die in one of those fights but every time, he comes back completely fine. It's always a punch in the gut when you open the door and see him beaming down towards you. You force yourself to grin and greet him with a kiss, just as he taught you to. The few days he was here, he'd be extremely affectionate, demanding that you'd be next to his side at all times before he goes again. You learned not to flinch or cringe away from his kisses, even now that they're more directed to your lips.

Sometimes the kisses would grow into something more. He'd pull you into his lap or push you against the wall, his kisses becoming more needier as he planted one after another on your lips. Reiner's hips would meet yours, bodies too hot under the fabric. You'd catch yourself trying to remove his beige uniform coat and white button-up while his hands roamed around your body, desperately attempting to remove yours.

Realizing what was about to happen, you'd push him or yourself off, darting towards the bathroom in a dazed shock. Reiner never stopped you once from leaving — maybe held onto your hand for too long once — but this had to stop.

You shouldn't let yourself get too attached, you didn't need it to hurt when you were going to leave Marley. Why were you even trying to delude yourself into being romantically involved with him in the first place? Sure, it would be a more convincing façade but that fact was that it simply disgusted you to imagine him touching more than what you're used to.

You used to fight him so much, from not wanting to sleep in the same bed to him having to catch the kitchen knife with his hand to prevent you from stabbing him while you were making dinner. But that fight you had was almost completely eradicated, it just took some harsh threats and a near transformation for you to comply. Even though you were a perfect complacent wife, Reiner wanted a family, a complete one that he had always dreamed of coming home to.

He knew you were avoiding the topic of children, he had always known for the three years he's been married to you. He wanted to respect you and your boundaries, but he just keeps getting more riled up the more you avoid him. The intense make-out sessions with nothing afterwards hurt and he could definitely tell that you keep stopping yourself from just letting loose with him.

But fuck, it's becoming an increasingly difficult task containing himself from just taking you right then and there. On the days he was away from you, Reiner had constant thoughts about you. Thoughts containing where he imagined you sucking his cock, images of you spreading your pussy lips open for him so he could pleasure the hell out of you, or vivid ideations where you'd let him pound and cum so deeply in you that you'd be leaking out for days.

They were especially embarrassing for him when they came late at night when they're traveling on the blimps to the next destination. Reiner would have to shuffle awkwardly to the back or 'roam' into a hidden room where no one saw him go into, completely hard from a simple conception. He'd unzip and pull his white pants all the way down so his cum wouldn't stain the material, and jerk his cock off until he felt satiated enough. You were killing him from keeping him away from what he wants the most out of you.

When he comes back to Liberio to see you, he has to force himself from not trying to rip off your clothes the moment you open the door. You'd always give him a small peck as a greeting but he wants more, he has always wanted more.

You'd swat him away after, telling him that he should freshen up before dinner as you walked back to the kitchen, hips swaying side to side. Were you doing that on purpose or was he that deprived from not having sex with you? You goddamn tease.

Thus on the receiving end, Reiner has been struggling sexually since his marriage to you.

He'd bring it up on occasion, small mentions of having little ones run around or how happy he'd be seeing miniature versions of the two of you. Yet, you'd always avert the conversation to something else, asking about when he'd be going away again and if he'd visit the family soon because Gabi has been asking to see him. You've always focused on him so in return, he wanted to treat you out to somewhere nice before asking the big question about children.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Knock, knock.

You looked up from the stew you were making, lowering the heat and wiping off your hands before opening the door. Low and behold, your dear husband had returned from the latest mission, leaning down for you to press a quick kiss on his lips.

"Reiner. You're back early."

"Finished up pretty quickly, Zeke was able to take out the opposing side with Pure Titans with no further issues." Reiner pushed the hair away from your eyes and smiled, planting another kiss on your forehead. He pulled away and took a glance into the kitchen, sniffing the air before squinting.

"Cooking something?"

"Your mom taught me a recipe yesterday, she said that it's something that you used to like eating when you were young. She told me to make it before you came home so I was trying it out." You shrugged as you closed the door, striding back over to the stove. He followed after you, watching you closely. Reiner had to keep an eye on you just in case you didn't poison the food, which you weren't able to because his body rejected it, throwing it up before it was completely in his system.

You didn't know how he was able to do it, maybe it had something to do with his stupid Titan shifting, but you never did it again. Not after he almost transformed in front of you, the angry and electrifying glint in his eyes was indubitably unforgettable.

"Go clean yourself up, it's almost ready."

"I didn't transform this week though Y/N. I shouldn't be smelling like blood." He frowned, his arms slithering around your waist and pulling you close to his body. Here he was being touchy again. 

"You still smell gross, you were around your sweaty comrades for a week. And you know how I know what that smells like." Grumbling that he was going to get you dirty, you pulled his arms off of you, continuing to stir the stew. Reiner simply laughed at you, kissing the side of your head and mumbling a soft love you before walking upstairs to bathe. You were about to yell at him to use the scented soap that you recently bought in the shop but paused, hand over your mouth.

You sounded like a loving wife, an actual loving wife.

The two of you shared this kind of banter rather than you constantly trying to find ways to kill him before you left. It was becoming too... normal for your liking. It wasn't supposed to be like this, he was your kidnapper and a mass murderer, but it didn't seem that way anymore. No, the two of you were seen as the couple that are constantly at odds with each other, but still loved each other regardless.

A Marleyan who fell in love with a Paradisian. A Paradisian who fell in love with a Marleyan. The perfect forbidden romance.

The next time Reiner would leave for war, you had to go back to Paradis. No more hesitating and scheming. You stole and saved up enough money to pay off the man who promised to take you to the island with no questions asked, you'd finally be able to go home. If Eren was still there and still alive, he must've figured out how to patch the holes by now. You'd prefer living in the walls hiding away from Titans than living this kind of life, this life of faulty freedom.

You poured a couple of spoonfuls of stew in a bowl, trying to even out the meat and vegetables. Heavy footsteps creaked the wood above you, the sound following down the stairs. Reiner was dressed in a dark green long-sleeve, the color similar to way back in the cadet training days. You looked away, shutting your eyes tight; to you, those days were long gone. Placing the bowl down in front of him and settling down in the seat opposite, you began to eat.

"I want to take you into the city later this month." You paused before putting the spoon in your mouth and looked up, your head tilting to the side.

"Outside of the internment zone?" Reiner nodded, blowing on a piece of meat. You rarely went there without him, even if you were considered a Marleyan with your armband. The people stared too intensely at you for your own liking, sometimes spitting vile things loudly or under their breaths, so you only went with your husband or Pieck if she was available.

"What are we going to do there? Is there something important that is needed of me?" You questioned and he laughed softly, nodding his head.

"Of course it has something to do with you. We're going on a date." Dates were rare between the two of you as he never stayed long and you were left alone to your own devices. It was a request of Reiner to be able to see you for short periods of time, you didn't know if it was because he was making sure you haven't run off or that he genuinely wanted to check on you. He mentioned that he would be off until he would be called in for the next fight, so he wanted to devote all his time with you.

"You don't have anything to do with the militia or your family?"

"Not really, no orders for now. And we have all the time in the world to visit them, don't you worry." He wiped his mouth before standing up, picking up your empty bowl and kissing your head once more.

Tolerate it, you can tolerate it.

"It's a nice restaurant that I heard the higher ups talk about, they accept Marley-approved Eldians as well so we won't get stared at. I know how much you don't like the stares."

You just hummed in reply. You sat watching him clean the bowls, leaning on the table with your arm. Reiner definitely changed physically the past few years, his body becoming noticeably bulkier under his clothes and stubble had grown in; though you hated him with every inch of your skin, you had to admit that the more mature look on him was fitting.

You haven't changed much, your hair may have grown longer since there was no need to cut it short anymore and you must've gained a little bit more weight due to the constant cooking. But your feelings have still stayed the same, complete and utter resentment for the man you were forced to wed to.

"I'm going to bed."

"I'll be joining you soon."

You had to check if the box and diary was still there, making sure that the money was the exact amount as well. You picked up your pencil and started quickly jotting down your thoughts for today.

Reiner has come home early today, I was caught off guard. This might be the last time I write in this as I finally reached my goal to pay off that man. I'll be able to go home when he leaves for war again.

Would they remember me? I would be considered a ghost because of Bertolt. I'll tell them everything that happened here if they haven't figured it out yet, that there's humanity beyond the walls and they're the reason why we suffered for so long behind them.

If I leave this behind and if you, Reiner, find this when I'm long gone, know that I've always hated you. I've always been sickened by your touch and your kisses, I never meant any of those I love yous, and I've always wished you died horribly during the times you went off to those battles. I wanted to receive a letter or be told personally that you were killed in action, shot down by the cannons that were able to pierce through your armor. I'd weep, not of sadness but of joy because I would be finally be free from your clutches. Whatever you thought you taught me in order to be your perfect spouse, I was playing a role in order to survive this insanity of yours.

The creaks of the floorboards were starting to grow closer and you panicked, writing down your last words.

I never loved you and I never will. Don't try to go back to Paradis to find me. You would have to bring back my dead body in order to bring me back to Marley.

Hastily closing the diary, you stashed it back in the box and shoved it back in. As you stood up, you started to pretend to change your clothes, trying to unbutton your shirt. The door soon opened, back towards him as he stepped closer. He reached over and tugged at your hand, pulling it until you faced him and wrapped his arms around your waist securely, hoisting you up. You steadied yourself as you placed your hands on his chest, your heart ached dully as he tenderly gazed upon you.

"I love you."

You bit down on your tongue before putting on the kindest smile possible.

"I love you too."

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

"Good afternoon Ms. Braun." You bowed your head respectively towards the woman, arm linked with Reiner's. Usually after he comes home, the two of you would visit his family and celebrate the success of the Marleyan forces. It wasn't really a choice in the matter, they were happy that he was alive and you weren't.

"Oh Y/N, you know you can call me Karina now. We're both Brauns, aren't we?" She grabbed your hand and patted it gently, a small smile on her face.

"Right. My apologies." The two of you walked in the home, a small body suddenly colliding into his.

His cousin, Gabi, was hugging him tightly with a beaming grin. She was a fireball of a child, her fiery personality reminding you of a particular someone back home. She was the only member in the Braun family that still didn't really like you, even stating it aloud a few times, but you didn't mind. Though her words cut deep, it proved that someone in this family knew that you didn't belong here.

The two were talking to each other, something about the warrior campaign, but you didn't care and excused yourself into the kitchen. When you came to celebrate, you usually helped Reiner's mother with the food while he spoke with his other family. She welcomed you in, explaining what dishes to help prepare and what to set up in the dining room. This was like clockwork, it has been ever since you've been here.

"My son has been speaking to me about something important," Karina spoke as the two of you cut vegetables together, placing them into a bowl. "He says that the two of you are planning to have children soon."

Your blood ran cold, pausing your chopping. No way in hell were you keen on bearing his children, not now and not ever. But you simply laughed, as if it was a funny little joke.

"Reiner said that? I told him that we weren't ready, especially with his work right now."

"Oh, but it's been over 3 years now. I'd expected to have a few grandchildren by now, especially with how he coddles you."

There were one too many occurrences where the two of you were awfully close to laying in bed with one another, your face suddenly burning up as you reminisced on those moments. You would never give him yourself like that though, you'd never give him what he wants.

"I'm just worried that our children would be raised without their loving father."

Karina's face softened as she put down the knife, wiping her hands.

"You're a good woman Y/N. I would like to apologize for treating you differently because you came from the island devils. After all, they are the reason why we Eldians here are treated like this." There goes that Paradis Island Eldian talk again, but you did somewhat appreciate the half-assed apology.

"Thank you... Karina. I know it must have been difficult trying to accept me into your family because of my origins, I apologize for the trouble I gave you." No, you didn't feel sorry at all but it was better to suck it up than to start a scene where you could end up possibly dead. The two of you continued to cook for the others, making light conversation with one another about recipes and how each other's weeks were.

Reiner leaned on the doorway, watching you hard at work with his mother. You've always looked so pretty when you were focused, pulling your hair back with a cloth before you began to knead the dough. You were going to wash your flour-covered hands before you bumped into his chest, his hand resting on the small of your back before you could pull away.

"Working hard, aren't you my lovely wife?" You've always hated when he called you affectionate names because of the way it made your stomach flip.

"You're going to get your shirt dirty Reiner, flour is hard to clean once it gets on your clothes." Ignoring him, you tried pulling away from him but his hand would not budge, the grip only tightening. You mumbled to let go so you could wash up but no dice.

"I've been dirtied with worse. Maybe if you give me a kiss, I'll let you go." It was always awkward kissing in front of his family, you've never had gotten used to that part and you never will. You tip-toed and quickly gave a peck on his lips, but he made no moves, only wearing a small smirk. Fucker.

You tip-toed once more and pulled his face with your dirtied hands, pressing your lips much more deeply into his. As you pulled away with an irritated expression, you asked him one question.

"Happy?"

Reiner licked his lips, smugly grinning as he wiped the flour off his cheeks.

"One more and I'll consider."

"Go fuck yourself." You hissed quietly, finally giving one large shove and he finally released you. He laughed, murmuring a small apology as he pressed his lips on your forehead. His mother reprimanded him, telling him he shouldn't disturb a lady while she is cooking. As she continued to scold him, you were scrubbing the muck off your hands.

Happy couple on the outside, kidnapper and kidnappee on the inside.

Dinner was fine as it usually was, the men got drunk and the women were left to clean up after them. Gabi asked him to tell the family stories of his time on the island and he made up a tall tale about Sasha and the first orientation of the 104th Training Corps. The infamous event of the uneven split potato between her and Commander Shadis, getting reminded of the story made you even more homesick than ever. Even more reason to see your friends again.

You waved a goodbye to the family as you held Reiner's body up, trying to prevent him from falling from his drunken stupor. It would be quite nice if you could just let him fall flat on the ground and leave him there until morning came, but you didn't want to face his wrath about it.

He was luckily a quiet drunk, mumbling incoherently as you walked through the streets with him, exhaling angrily as you stumbled around. You were so close to just letting him sleep on the street until your name was called, your head turning and seeing a familiar face.

"Galliard?"

"Jeez, I've been calling for you. You turning deaf or what?" The brashness of his words made you huff in response and he helped you hold up the taller man, shaking his head disapprovingly. Out of everyone in the nation that you knew, Porco was the one you least wanted to bump into for assistance. He and Reiner didn't get along that well, he mentioned once to you that they had some tension in their childhood.

"An easy win and the idiot gets this drunk, can't imagine what he's like when we win harder battles."

"On those days, we have to sleep over at his mother's and those mornings are the absolute worst." Porco snorted, adjusting his arm as the two of you walked together.

"Tell me about it, he's barely keeping himself upright. What's he thinking making you carry him home?"

You shrugged, lightly chuckling. "I've carried heavier, it's just been a while."

"You were an island devil soldier right?" There's that name again but you nodded in response.

"You're so frail-looking for a soldier, it's a miracle you passed as one."

You shot a glare at him, stopping in your stride. "What? Me? Frail?"

"You sure are. You're only a housewife for Vice Captain Reiner Braun, you only serve to warm his bed and cook his food. You? A soldier? What a joke." Your nails dug into the skin of your palm, hard enough that you were sure it drew blood.

That was the cruel reality of your situation, you were no longer a soldier. Just a war wife. He was right, you were a complete and utter joke of the person that you once were.

"Spar me then."

"What?" It felt like Reiner was no longer in the vicinity, all you wanted was to prove Porco wrong. You weren't frail, you were a goddamn Survey Corps soldier.

"Spar me goddammit, I won't repeat it. And don't bother holding back."

You pulled Reiner to a bench, almost shoving his body in the seat before facing the other man. There was an unsure look on his face but all the frustration and anger that was built up over the years was about to blow up out of you, and you put your fists up in your familiar defensive position.

Three whole years you haven't touched up nor sharpened your skills but at this moment, it didn’t matter. You were tired, exhausted from being looked down upon constantly. You were sick of Marleyan and Eldian talk and you were sick of Porco's ego right now.

"What? Don't tell me you're scared of getting defeated by an island devil? Or are you scared of losing to a woman?" You taunted, his face going from shock to an angry scowl.

A burst of energy flowed through your body as he ran at you, a jab targeted towards your face. You couldn't let your timing be off, you needed the advantage as much as possible. Quickly, you intertwined his arm with yours and swiped at his legs, effectively making him fall away from you. He landed on his back, sputtering out the remnants of air in his lungs.

You could give your blessings to Annie and Commander Shadis another time. Adrenaline rushed through your veins as you slammed him down on the ground, teeth bared as you straddled onto his stomach.

"I do not give a damn if you continue to think I'm the devil of your people. I'm fed up with being thought of as weak by assholes like you." Porco tried pulling his arm away but you gripped onto him harder, eyes lit ablaze. You socked him right in the nose, knuckles white from gripping your fist so tightly. It hurt — fuck — everything hurt right now.

He used his free hand to hold your wrist and you struggled to break the hold, pulling and tugging in every direction wildly. His nose was bleeding, red trails slipping down the side of his face. Slight steam began to arise from the site, just barely blurring your vision.

"I'm tired, I'm so fucking tired. You have absolutely no clue what it's like to have everything stolen away from you! To be taken away from everything and everyone that you know!" You lamented in frustration, continuing to try and shake out of his hold.

The wild anger you once had faltered into sadness, tears welling up as your grip loosened, fist falling at your side. Your moment of weakness caused him to immediately flip you over, your positions both switched as he pinned your wrist down while the other was raised up, ready to strike down. Before he swung down, you closed your eyes, clenching your jaw as you awaited for the contact.

Yet nothing came.

As you opened your tear-blurred eyes, his knuckles were mere centimeters away from your face before he pulled it away. The two of you breathed heavily on the dirty cobble road, intensely gazing at each other. The blood from his bruised and probably broken nose was smeared above his upper lip and the side of his cheek. His usually combed back hair was all messy, light brown strands falling on his forehead. To be honest, it looked nicer that way...

You blinked and felt tears drop down the side of your face, an exasperated laugh coming out.

"I'm sorry Galliard, I must be going insane..." Porco's hands released you, letting you wipe the tears off your face as he lifted his weight off of you.

"What's the truth behind you two? Three years ago, Reiner says that you couldn't bear parting from him so you willingly went with him here. Obviously that's not the case for your side of the story." He grumbled, helping you up from the ground before slicking back his hair. He placed his hands on his nose and snapped it back into place, the sound making you cringe.

Solemnly, you took a glance at your husband's sleeping form. "In Paradis, Reiner was my friend, the older brother I thought I had back. I loved him, but not in the way that he loves me. You wouldn't fall in love with your kidnapper, right?"

Porco was silent but you knew what his answer would be, rather you hoped you knew what his answer was. You sighed as you dusted off your dress all around.

"Why haven't you left Liberio if you're so unhappy? Can't believe a Marley certified Eldian wouldn't even think twice about moving back to the island devils." Could you trust Porco with your plan? No, you couldn't. It was too risky, especially with him being his supposed childhood rival. And he was obviously loyal to his country, no way would he let the knowledge of you going back home slide.

"No no, it's nice here. I never said that I wanted to go back to Paradis, I'm simply not used to the advancement that Marley has over my homeland. Sure, it’s frustrating to start fresh but I like it here. It's just being forcibly wed to Reiner I can't deal with."

"Divorce is an option y'know, I don't know how it works in your home but it's not frowned upon here." Was it not clicking for him?

If you weren't in severe risk of getting killed by your so-called husband, you would've preferred that option. Reiner had given you no other choice but to escape back home, even if there was a risk of you dying at sea. You'd prefer that than dying from his own hands.

"I'll think about it. For now, let's try getting him home." Porco snorted as he watched you attempt to lift him up by yourself.

"Nah, I think we should just leave him here. I'll take the blame for you, I’ll say that he thought he went with you to go home but really he left without you while he was drunk and I found him here. Doubt he remembers anything from when he left his mom's."

Your eyes lit up and widened, looking at the man in shock. "You'd do that for me?"

He tensed up, his body turning in another direction. "Yeah whatever. Think of it as an apology for earlier."

A smile grew on your face as you thanked him again, almost skipping back to your home. However before you did, you turned to ask him one last question.

"Why didn't you hit me? I told you not to hold back."

He didn't look at you, preferring to keep his attention to the road as he kicked at a pebble.

"I was tempted to after you said all of that shit and pulled what you did. But I didn't want to leave something that Reiner would ask about. You don't got the healing properties that we shifters have so this," He pointed at his nose. "Would be fixed in a few minutes or so. Reiner would kill me if he found out I pummeled your face in, but he wouldn't be able to beat me of course."

You knew that he couldn't —well maybe he could, you weren't too knowledgeable about the different Titan powers — but you laughed at his confidence. He scowled at you and kicked the pebble in your direction, telling you to go home already. Maybe Porco wasn't as bad as you originally thought, even if he had a sharp-tongue and never thought about what he said until after it came out.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Days seemed to fly by after that night, your determination to finally go home being ignited even more than before. Reiner came home in a frantic manner the morning after the fiasco with Porco, apologizing profusely for his behavior and how he left without you, making it up by cooking every meal for a week straight. He never questioned the bruising on your knuckles, only focusing on making it up to you.

For a kidnapper, he sure was thoughtful.

Beyond that, you began to hang around Porco more alongside Pieck. There were days where it was just the two of you, making snide comments towards each other before bursting out laughing at the end of it. You were always filled with pure, unadulterated joy when you were around him and he made you feel quite comfortable to be yourself, even if you've been here for years now.

Porco has always been honest with you, never has he sugarcoated anything he said to you. What once was something you hated from him, you began to view it in a new light and appreciate it much more, it kept you more grounded. There was a line however, he never mentioned you being a housewife nor about being "delicate" after that night and you wondered if you actually proven yourself worthy towards him. You would appreciate this relationship more if not for the conditions.

It didn't go unnoticed that Reiner had been more attentive towards your sudden keenness towards Porco when you began to hang around him more than usual. He became grabbier, pulling you against him by your waist whenever the two of you were around the warriors. When your attention was focused on Porco, he'd shoot daggers at him while scowling but he'd promptly ignore it. Reiner would do anything for you and here you were, being an absolute fucking slut to his comrade. His tipping point was beginning to spill over, so he finally decided to take on a heavier precaution in order to send a message to that damned Jaw Titan inheritor.

It had occurred where you were simply enjoying a short lunch with the warrior. He was originally supposed to quickly drop off a letter to Reiner but you practically pulled him inside regardless of his protests. He could've left but he didn't, sarcastically making a comment on how ridiculous it was that you liked him this much as he took a bite of the sandwich you made. You simply responded that he likes you enough to stay and that shut him up immediately.

Reiner came in from the backyard, ready to ask you something before his eyes captured the familiar slick-backed hair of his fellow warrior, who was in the midst of kindly smiling at you as you spoke. Porco never smiled like that, not to you, not to an island devil.

"Reiner." His name was called by him and he simply tipped his head at him in acknowledgement, leaning against the wall. You turned your head towards him, eyes wide before you got up and set your cup down.

"Oh Reiner! I was about to let you know that Galliard decided to join us for lunch, must've slipped my mind." You sheepishly smiled and he scoffed, taking a sip out of his cup.

"Yeah okay, decided. I was actually supposed to give you a letter Reiner, but she," He pointed at you as you stuck your tongue at him. "Pulled me inside and asked me to join you two. What can I say, can't resist free food."

Why did you act like that to him? When did you start acting like this towards him? Why was Porco hanging around his wife? Reiner suddenly felt uneasy but at the same time, the scorching flames of his obsession began to fire up.

"Very funny Galliard. Go sit down, I'll get your food ready Reiner." You were about to usher him to his seat, grabbing his hand and tugging before he pulled you close to him by the waist instead.

The words died in your mouth as you were about to ask him what was wrong, eyes meeting each other before he kissed you. He tilted your chin up with his free hand before promptly shoving his tongue through your lips.

A light gasp escaped your mouth as his tongue faintly brushed against yours, the sound muffled. You were about to retreat, thinking he was satiated with what he wanted, but he simply jerked you closer. Your hands fell on his body and his thigh slipped in between your legs, the action hidden with the dress you wore. The smallest twinge of pleasure shuddered down your back and you briefly closed your eyes, letting him continue to ravage you.

Unbeknownst to you, he was glaring holes into your companion, who was awkwardly staring before focusing his attention to his lukewarm tea.

Unconsciously you started to return his kiss, nearly matching the intensity. Reiner's hand began to grip the cloth of your back and it took all his willpower not to take you right in front of him, his cock twitching at the prospect of it.

It would prove his point even more, that everything of yours belonged to him and him only.

You finally found the strength to pull away, a strand of saliva breaking as you rushed to grab his lunch in the kitchen. That was... new. Things got like this, but never in front of someone else and never this badly. Your body lurched over the counter, the burning heat of your skin contrasting against the cool wood.

What have you just done?

Reiner took a seat next to him, as if what he had done was nothing but a normal fleeting moment. He poured himself a cup and sipped, asking Porco what he thought about the tea that you had just boiled up. He stayed silent, not even making an effort to look at him.

"I asked you a question Porco."

"For fuck's sake Reiner, what do you even want me to say? Nice kiss Vice Captain Braun, you sure shoved your tongue down your wife's throat." The man quietly mocked through bared teeth, his cheeks obviously tinged pink.

"I asked about the tea but thank you." Smiling smugly, he took another sip.

You soon recovered from the event, bringing in another sandwich for him and soundlessly taking your place in between. Not a peep was heard out of you, too embarrassed to say anything to Porco. Reiner spoke normally, opening the letter that was the whole purpose of his visit. What the hell was wrong with him?

Porco didn't stay long after — which was completely understandable but unfortunate — and you politely led him out, quietly apologizing for your husband's sudden behavior.

"Don't sweat too much about it, he's your husband so it's normal to do things like that. Wish it wasn't in front of me though." Porco grumbled as he turned away, letting you close the door.

It was a quiet night between the two of you in bed, your back facing away from the man. Of course you were fuming, Reiner just had to make-out with you in front of one of the only people that you liked on this damn continent. He shuffled in bed before wrapping his arms around you, his head nestling in the crook of your neck. He pressed his lips against your skin, his stubble grazing along with it.

"Don't get mad at me, you know I don't like it when you talk to others without my permission." When did you ever need permission in the first place to talk to one of the warriors? He was the one who introduced you to them in the first place and now that you had a decent friend, he wants to take you away from him.

You didn't answer, pretending to be asleep in order for him to leave you alone for the night. Reiner was then quiet for a moment and you were sure that he had fallen asleep in this position, until something solid pressed against the crook of your ass. Your heart sank to your stomach suddenly as the arm wrapped around you pulled you even closer.

"That kiss earlier... Did you like it when Porco watched you whore yourself out to me?" Hot breath aired over your neck, a cold shiver going down your spine. He shuffled around for a few minutes, pulling up your nightgown ever so slightly until you felt something heavy and warm rest in-between your thighs, ever so close to your clothed pussy. Your breath quietly hitched and the inside of your mouth felt dry.

No. No. He wouldn't.

"I don't mind that proposition. I would be able to show him who you really belong to, Mrs. Braun." Teeth sank into your lower neck, not enough to hurt but enough to leave a mark. You bit down on your tongue, wanting to turn around and push him off the bed. You had almost made the motion in an attempt to do so until he started rocking into you, his shaft brushing up against your covered clit with every slow pump as he gripped the side of your hip.

You slightly jolted at the feeling, his movements pausing. Quickly and quietly as possible, you slipped your hand over your mouth inconspicuously and tried to breathe slowly as if you were still asleep. Reiner's hand dragged itself up from your hip to your chest, lightly squeezing before pinching your nipple. You bit the inside of your cheek, eyes clenching at the sensation.

He groaned against the crook in between your neck and shoulder, the sound vibrating as he resumed his thrusts. His mouth enveloped the area and he bit down again, harder. You twitched at the pain, your teeth clenching.

You knew about reproduction and small bits of other things about it like the genitals of the opposite gender, you learned about it back then in both training and the Survey Corps. There would be whispers among the older soldiers, the boys usually bragging about their conquests while the girls would be bashfully denying that anything occurred. But you were never interested in the romantic aspects that life is supposed to normally hand out, not in the world you once lived in. Having to survive against Titans was the utmost priority that occupied your mind back in Paradis. Crushes and partners couldn’t coexist with the horrors humanity had to defend against.

A small whimper nearly slipped out of your lips as your husband's tip caught itself against a particular spot on your clit as he simultaneously squeezed your pebbled nipple, your teeth digging into your palm. Reiner's breath burned hot against your skin as his pace began to accelerate, thrusts still wary as if he even cared if you were still asleep.

"God," Reiner sharply inhaled, shaky exhales coming out in short bursts. "If I knew how good this felt, I would've done it every single night."

He let out stifled grunts as he continuously grinded, the soft breathy sounds sending down even more pleasurable pulses in your lower half. It shouldn't be doing that in the first place.

You never touched yourself once in your entire adult life, only feeling the pangs of arousal from time to time but never doing anything about it. This kind of pleasure was a particular kind of torture, overwhelming shivers slowly clouding your mind with needless want. Every unknown sensation was new to you, from the way he played with your chest to the way he managed to rub himself precisely against the same spot over and over and over.

For a man that has never once touched his wife, it felt like he knew what he was doing. Reiner was one of the popular ones in the training corps; some of the girls quietly fawned over him in the dorms, begging you for some kind of info about him. You told them that the two of you were strictly platonic and had boundaries, back then at least.

Besides Historia, you were the only one that had caught and held his attention so he couldn't have practiced on someone else. There was also the fact that you've been married to him since you've arrived on Marley. Was there the possibility that he... cheated? There was no way, right? He was too obsessively enamored with you to begin with. Why were you even getting upset at the thought anyways?

He stopped thrusting against you, repositioning until you felt his heavy cock rest in the middle of your thighs. It throbbed and ached for more, an odd stickiness started to pool on top of your skin, and your own sex was left pulsing with uncomfortable want. His hand had also finally stopped fiddling around with your chest, disappearing from your body for a few seconds before finding itself resting on top of your mound.

"Gonna make you feel good." Reiner mumbled, words slurred as if he was intoxicated off of his lust.

Tentatively, he slipped inside of your underwear, warm fingers pushing down and in between the folds, as if he was searching for something. At first you were mildly confused about the intent, until a soft whine slipped through your lips.

Dread was the first thing that you felt, your stomach sinking down even lower. Embarrassment was second, how it was now that you realized how wet you were.

Reiner completely froze up and you quickly shut your eyes, trying to relax the hand on your mouth to remove any suspicions that you've been conscious the entire time. You waited for anything, if he was going to pull down your panties and take you right there or finally stop this torment. It was the latter to your surprise.

The warmth of his body suddenly left yours, hands and dick pulling away from you. You felt his weight lift off the bed and a door open and close as if he was in a rush. Was he going to the bathroom to take care of himself?

You slipped a hand down to your nether region, face burning up. Your panties were completely soaked, all because of a little bump and grind and some sensual touching. Your body had betrayed you immensely, continuing to pound with a desire to finish what he had started.

What if he was going to do this again and not stop there? You felt nauseous, there was no way in hell you were going to be able to fall asleep in peace anymore. You pulled the blanket completely on top of you, bundling yourself as if you were a caterpillar making its cocoon, ready to turn into a butterfly.

Reiner finally came back when you were starting to doze off, alertness running through your veins once more. There was hesitancy once more as he settled into the space next to you, pulling some of that precious blanket cocoon off of you. You froze up again as his hand rested on your shoulder but he didn't touch you like before, he simply tugged the strap back up in its proper spot. He pulled down your nightgown as well, kissing the side of your head and muttering a nearly silent half-assed apology.

You stopped tensing up when you knew his breaths began to slow, relief warming your heart.

Deep down, you knew it was finally time to go. The more you hesitated, the more trouble you'd get yourself into. It shouldn't be this complicated, your feelings towards Reiner shouldn't even be complicated. You fell asleep in a restless manner, thoughts swarming around your head.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

In the letter that Porco had left behind, it had said that Reiner was needed for another battle the day after the date he had planned but you couldn't wait that long anymore. When the night comes, you were going to escape from this hellhole. No more control from him, no more pressure from people who thought you were the very bane of their existence, no more of this horrid life.

You managed to slip a note to the man who would be taking you home a few days ago in preparation. It was during a market run and even if your closely guarding husband was there with you, you snuck it to him while buying fish.

Yes, your big break was a kind and somewhat elderly Eldian fisherman; he had mentioned that his son went to war for Marley and never came back, thus causing him to harbor hate towards the Marleyans. He knew that you came from Paradis Island — for quite some time, you were the talk of the internment zone — and briefly brought up a mention of a way back to your home when you were buying fish from him. The two of you went on his boat under the guise that he was giving you fresher and better quality catches and from there, he explained the plan to you and you've never felt more grateful.

The money was for his retirement in the fishing business, he had almost reached his goal and you were giving the last remaining bits to him. He'd give you a compass, supplies, and rations in order to survive in the ocean as he can only navigate the boat so far. The man had a spare boat in case of emergency but in your case, you would be using it the rest of the way.

The only setbacks in the plan were that you could possibly get stranded in the ocean and run out of food or drinkable water, or Titans could still be on the shores of Paradis, immediately killing you the second you step foot on the territory. However, anything would be better than staying one more minute with your husband. The other main flaw would be that if Reiner found out before you could execute the plan.

But he won't be able to find out, you already have something that would make sure he'll never find out until you were truly gone.

You've gotten them in a medical shop back then when you were still planning to kill him instead of living the role of a sweet little housewife. Rat poison didn't work as his body rejected it immediately but something that was basically a natural instinct, no way it could fail.

You've tested it too, in minute doses so he wouldn't notice. It was usually dinnertime when you put the crushed pills in his tea or soup, something liquid so it dissolved quicker. Because the dosage was so small, he'd get sleepy or doze off a little before waking up once more. He'd always excuse it for having a rough day in a meeting with the warriors and higher-ups or he didn't get a good night's sleep last night, never once he suspected it was you.

A part of you was exhilaratingly excited but another part of you was so doubtful and afraid. In your heart, you knew that the rewards outweighed the fear. You missed everyone, you missed the walled off lands you were born in, and you definitely missed your true name.

You made brownies and his favorite tea as a surprise after the date, both were stuffed to the brim with crushed up pills. You've estimated that he'd fall asleep as soon as he finished up the little dessert and you'd soon make your escape afterwards. You couldn't pack anything personal, he'd get too suspicious so you only were going to be able to take a jacket and the date clothes unfortunately. A part of you wanted to leave a goodbye note to both Porco and Pieck as they've treated you at least as a decent person, but it was too risky. Plus you didn't want Reiner to harass them when you went "missing".

As Reiner waited below for you to finish up your make-up, you shoved the money deeply down in your purse and took in a shaky breath. 'Don't break the act now, Y/N. You've done so much to get this far. It's time to finish this.'

Pulling the strap over your shoulder, you began your descent, heels clicking against the wooden floor. Reiner's eyes brightly lit up as you made your appearance, your heart beating wildly in your ribcage. His eyes lingered on your formal attire, trailing down the curvatures of your body.

"You look stunning Y/N, glad that you're using the dress I got you." He gazed at you with complete adoration, your face slightly flushing. He was so deeply appreciative of you, it was almost sickening. Like he was shoving bitter cough syrup down your throat over and over again, never once had you gotten used to the taste.

He got you a dark red dress that ended at the knees, beautiful jewels lining the curvature of your breasts. You matched it with a fluffy white fur coat, something he had gotten you a year ago on the anniversary of when you were taken to Marley.

You mumbled a shy 'thanks' as he put his arm out for you to take and you accepted it, interlocking with him as he began to pull you close. He pressed his face into your styled hair, kissing the top of your head.

"You used perfume too? You spoil me too much, tonight will be amazing I promise." You smiled, internally dreading that you knew what he meant. His mother gave you a hint about what he wanted to do to you from the recent celebration of him returning home, and he had always tried to coerce you about children ever since the two of you had gotten married. He'd never get the chance of course. So yeah, Reiner's right for once.

Tonight will certainly be amazing indeed, for one of you at least.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

"You know I love you right?"

The two of you finished dinner at that fancy Marleyan restaurant, ignoring the stares and murmurs about devil blood dining next to them, as if they weren't the demons themselves. The weight of their stares was an exhausting burden that you wanted to never have in the first place. Why be blamed for some shit that ancestors you can't even recall did? Ridiculous.

You were walking back home with him after a decent meal, his hand wrapped tightly around yours. As he asked that question, you nodded in cooperation.

"Of course I do, you've told me that you loved me ever since you've brought me here."

"I know I said that I'd wait until you'd be ready but Y/N," The two of you stopped walking and he took both your hands in his, facing you. God, you knew what he was about to ask but you still felt awfully nervous about it. "I want to start a family."

Your hands trembled in his grip as you let out an awkward, breathy sigh out. Looking up at him, it felt like your heart was ready to burst out of the confines of your ribcage. His hooded, hazel gaze was achingly tender, awaiting for the answer he wanted to hear.

The terrible part of you, the one who lived as a Marleyan housewife, the one that continuously gnawed on your insides, desperately wanted to agree just to get everything over with. This was the life you've been living for three years now, suck it up. Why ruin it? Why ruin any of the good moments you've been having with him?

Of course you wouldn't accept it, the sane part of you knew better. The part of you that was still a Survey Corps soldier clawed for freedom, for something better than this rotten relationship. He ruined everything for you in the first place, from your own family to the friends that laid at rest at Trost to your whole young adult life. You owed him nothing, nothing at all.

Finally, you gave him an answer. "Can we talk about this at home?"

Reiner's smile faltered lightly as you avoided the topic yet again. You felt his grip tighten, your shoulders tensing. "We can if it'll make you more comfortable. But I want an answer, a solid answer."

He wouldn't take a 'no' from you, not when it's been three years and last night was evidence that he was done waiting. You released one hand from his and placed it on the side of his face, stroking his cheek gently.

"I will answer it my love, don't worry. Let's get home now." To sweeten the deal even more, you tiptoed and gave him a light peck on the side of his lips. You could tell that it worked from the way his eyes softened, what a pushover. He went back to your side as the both of you began to walk once more home, crossing over the gate that separated the "real" Marleyans from the Eldians. This would be the last time you'd be passing through like this, you swore to yourself.

No matter what, you have to get home. No matter what.

Home wasn't that far, maybe it went by quicker in your mind due to you thinking that you were running out of time to meet up with the old fisherman. Reiner opened the door for you and you shuffled in, almost bee-lining to the kitchen. You were stopped however, his hand around your wrist.

"Hey. We still need to talk."

"I know, I just have something—" You tugged but he held on firmly, interrupting you.

"Y/N, you can't keep doing this. This is the last time that I'm asking politely." Take, take, take. That's all Reiner did. But he can't take this chance away from you, not this time.

"Please, it's important." He stood in silence, most likely weighing the choices in his head. Slowly, he released his hold and you thanked him quietly, thanked him for being such a fool. You pulled out the brownies from the pantry and quickly heated up the tea on the stove, getting out the nice plates and cups from the cabinets. This was going swimmingly! Maybe you really do have a chance at escaping, your body almost shivering from the adrenaline coursing through your veins.

Placing the brownies in a meticulous manner on the plate and pouring the now warm tea in a teacup, you walked over to your husband, who settled in at the dining table while he was awaiting for you. "Surprise! Your favorites."

Needless to say, he was astonished that you actually had something for him. You placed the dishes in front of him, smiling brightly. "I wanted to make you something to thank you for the night out, what more than a little dessert."

"You shouldn't have, you've done so much for me already sweetheart." You leaned down and let him kiss your cheek, internally impatient that he hadn't eaten it yet.

"It's really nothing much, but I hope it's to your liking." He smiled at you and picked up the laced dessert, your hands flexing up in eagerness. Watching him chew and swallow the whole thing was probably the best thing you've ever watched him do, and he drank up all the tea that was in the cup. It was a waiting game from here on out.

"Now then," He got up from the chair and stood in front of you, grabbing your shoulders. There was a slight wobble as he got up and held onto you, wow this shit was working faster than expected. "Can we finally start our family?"

You beamed as you watched his eyelids flutter, trying to stay awake and focus on what your answer could be. Reiner began to struggle to stay upright, almost leaning into you as drowsiness took over his body. Placing a hand on his forearm, you pushed it off.

"No."

Confusion muddled his tired expression, as if he was expecting an actual yes. "W-what?"

"No, I don't want to start a family with you Reiner. Want me to spell it out for you? N. O." The smile you had wore down into an infuriated grimace as you took one step back away from him. He started stumbling backwards and you let him, watching him hit the chair and fall to the ground with it. The clattering sound of the chair reverbed loudly in your ears, but nothing sounded more beautiful than his body hitting the floor. He tried to get up but his body was betraying him, just as you intended.

When he realized that he was unable to stand after a few attempts, he began to yell out your name like a child, sounding angry and disorientated. Ignoring him, you quickly went upstairs to grab a suitable coat, kicking off the tall heels. You couldn't turn on the lights, in fear that it would waste too much time so you kept bumping into different objects, frustration bubbling in your throat.

The room had to be a mess from your brisk rummaging but no more time can be wasted. You had to go now.

As you went back down, Reiner's screaming had settled down into incomprehensible slurring and his head continued to bob up and down to try and stay conscious. Your eyes met and he made another attempt to get up, panic arising in the depths of his eyes. Maybe now he was realizing that you were about to disappear forever.

"Go fuck yourself."

Reiner screamed out your name as you opened the front door — or what you assumed to be your name — before losing consciousness and hitting his head to the wooden floor. Clutching onto the money-filled purse, you began to dash over to the docks, not looking back. You winced at the small pebbles that dug into the skin of your bare feet but you couldn't take the chance of trying to find the best shoes to run in.

This pain is temporary, anything that hurt you now would never compare to the prison that he had put you in. The wind started to pick up, biting at your face and legs, and as you glanced up at the sky, dark clouds began to roll in. You hope that it wouldn't be too bad at sea and if you died there, you would have died happy.

"Mr. Kraus? Are you there?" You called out to the ships, trying to search for his boat. You said his name a few more times before you caught a lantern that was being lifted up and down. Rushing over and ducking into the boat, you began to pull out the money to give to him.

"Woah! Slow your roll there outsider."

"I can't!" You put your hand over your mouth, not realizing that you were starting to lose your nerves. "My apologies for yelling. But I can't, he could wake up at any time. Please, can we hurry this up?"

Mr. Kraus waved his hand to let you continue and adjusted the hat on his head, pulling it back to watch you place the money on the small table. "That's all of it, your retirement goal is done. Now, can you now start up the boat please?"

He nodded, patting your shoulder. "Thank you for your assistance with this, really couldn't have done it without you. Help me get the ropes off and I'll send you on your way."

"Thank you." An exasperated sigh escaped you and for the first time in forever, you felt like you could finally relax.

You exited out of the boat after the old man, clutching onto the jacket. There was rain pelting down, the sounds of a muffled thunder rumbling through the night sky. Flickers of lightning lit up the dark, vaguely letting you see where you were going.

You followed after him, pulling at the ropes that connected the boat to the dock. It was coarse against the palms of your hands and the rain wasn't adding in with the pleasantness of the feeling. It took a few tugs but they finally gave in, letting you pull them into the boat and onto the deck. A few more to go and then you'd never see Liberio ever again. Your time here in Marley would be nothing but an extremely unpleasant memory.

Continuing to remove the ropes, you finally pulled in the last on your side. You giddily let out an excited yell, letting the rain trickle down your face. "Hey Mr. Kraus! It's finished!"

You stumbled over to him, eyes wide with happiness. There was a smile on his face too, he was sharing the same enthusiasm as you but for a different reason of course. He told you to get into the cabin before you caught something and you did as you were told. Barely turning away from him to get into the cabin, your thoughts ran wild.

What were you going to see in Paradis? Were you really going to see your friends again? Has the technology there advanced as much as here? Was the Survey Corps still fighting to explore the outside? Was Captain Levi still shorter than you? These kinds of questions would eventually all be answered.

This was it, you were finally going to be—

The deafening sound of a rifle going off before the clap of thunder chilled you to the core. You stopped trying to get into the cabin. How could you ever forget that kind of sound? You were in the elevator back in Trost, the resonating boom and click of the guns went off in all directions, the shells tinkling onto the ground. A warm liquid splashed onto the side of your face, pieces of an unknown substance landing along with it, and the sound of a mutilating crack came afterwards. Unease began to bubble in your stomach.

As you turned to look at Mr. Kraus, your eyes began to widen and it felt as if the world went into slow motion.

He was facing the docks, away from you, his head ricocheting backwards from the force of the shot. His body fell back and almost into you, hitting the deck with a heavy thump. A hand went over your mouth, the bitterness of bile beginning to leave a taste.

It was a sickening sight. Sure, you've seen people die before but not like this. For some reason, this felt more inhumane than the Titans. The entry hole was in the middle of his forehead, his eyes glassy and wide. It was the perfect shot really. His mouth was largely agape, as if he was about to yell something before getting his brains blown off and strewn across his boat. Crimson began to pool around him, the substance dribbling down the steps and into the crevices of the wood.

Turning away from the freshly made corpse, you shakily turned your attention to the docks. As if on cue, bolts of lightning struck down in uneven intervals and lit up the world around you. The feelings of dread and anguish sank down into your stomach, settling heavily. It couldn't be but there was nothing that was able to deny it.

There he was.

Reiner Braun.

In his hands... was a freshly fired rifle.

[kookaburra1701]

Fic Lines! The Wives of Shor

I was tagged by @dirty-bosmer, @sylvienerevarine, and @mareenavee! Uh, I have many, many (so many fics on the go, so I chose Wives of Shor (unpublished WIP) because then I have technically three fics to choose from.

A line from your fic that makes you laugh (from Moth to Flame)

In caves like this it was nothing new to see fleeting movements at the corners of his vision, only to turn his head and find nothing. But two pale-blue glowing dots appearing in the middle of what had appeared to be a blank wall were something new.

"...Kaidan?" Lucien was looking at Kaidan, seemingly unaware of the strange phenomenon over his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

A line from your fic that makes you sad - (from Moth to Flame) I published this is a previous WIP Wednesday, but pretty much any time Kaidan thinks about Brynjar makes me sad.

Repeatedly Kaidan tried to still his thoughts and center himself, but every time he attempted to begin a breathing exercise, his thoughts would turn to Brynjar, and a sharp pang of guilt would lodge in his chest.

A line from your fic you're proud of (from Moth to Flame)

The waters of Lake Ilinalta were smooth as glass, broken only by the occasional ripples of a fish breaking the surface. Fog hovered over the depths of the lake, obscuring the opposite shore as the first rays of sunlight turned the eastern sky pink. A pair of thrushes sang from the underbrush, and were answered by another farther down the lake shore.

The haunting call of a loon, muffled by the mists, echoed over the lake as Kaidan walked towards the water's edge.

A line for your fic you think could have been better - (from Moth to Flame) since this is still a WIP, I'm hoping the true form of this line will reveal itself to me. It's very stilted.

"Gods, everyone was there. The General, Jarl Ulfric…even the Thalmor Ambassador. If even one of them did not escape, the war is going to get complicated very quickly."

A line from your fic that makes you want to punch a character (from Moth to Flame)

"You're one of the Riverwood levies, aren't you? The Battle-born family paid that armor you're wearing, will pay for its replacement, and pays part of your war-wages. As head of that family, I'm telling you to do what your jarl commands."

Hadvar's face darkened, but his tone was coolly civil. "I'm not a levy, sir. I took my oath before the war."

"So then my family's coffers paid for all that and your Legion training in Cyrodiil!"

A line from your fic that makes you go 'aww' (from Moth to Flame)

Kaidan laughed quietly, the ale making it easier to find the mirth in the statement. "You fret about the rabbits I shoot. You don't like anything or anyone being hurt."

"You're not just anyone, Kaidan."

A line from your fic that's full of symbolism (from Kaidan Peregrine)

Lucien’s body felt like it was burning him where skin touched skin, but Kaidan pressed eagerly into that warmth, now feeling as if there was a chance he might not be doomed to eternal chill.

A line from your fic that contains an Easter egg - (from Moth to Flame) Lucien is not actually squeamish about Arvel's body, it's one of the hints that Wives of Shor takes place in the same continuity as another WIP, What Waits 'Round the Corner

Lucien was standing as if rooted to the spot, staring at the face of the dead Dunmer, his own skin matching the paleness of the spiderwebs that formed the bandit's death-shroud.

"This must be that bauble the shopkeep was yammering about." Idolaf withdrew his hand from the Dunmer's belt pouch and held up a cunningly crafted gilt dragon claw.

Blinking and swallowing Lucien averted his eyes from the body and took the claw from Idolaf, color returning to his cheeks as he examined the artifact.

At least he can put aside the squeamishness for the glint of gold. He might just make an adventurer yet, thought Kaidan.

A line from your fic that's shocking (from Wolf at the Door)

The metal in Kaidan's hands was now white hot, the acrid smell of singed leather made his eyes water as his gloves began to burn - but still he held on, muscles knotting like ropes against the force trying to overcome his grip.

For a brief moment he was prevailing; then Auriel's Bow shattered into countless glittering pieces.

A line from your fic you want to talk about more - (from Moth to Flame) I learned how to write in Dróttkvætt meter to give Jon Battle-born a proper skaldic song to sing. Ho boy is English not meant for kennings.

Doom-smoke rose from drake's corse Death-struck by Ir'leth's hand! Blood spilled red and boiling By Whiterun watchmen strong! Swords fine-honed as hawk's claw Hew'd deep through scale to bone. War-fell'd Tsun bids welcome Whalecross'd Shor's Hall awaits!

I tag @nientedenada, @thana-topsy, @greyborn2 @gilgamish

[dr-lizortecho]

tagged by the lovely @crepuscularqueens sorry I always take sooo long to get these done, lol

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

144

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

527,412

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Roswell New Mexico! Though I dabble in The Vampire Diaries and accept prompts for Lockwood and Co, Fate the Winx Saga, Riverdale and Hadestown

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Something to Celebrate- a short little Chenford dancing scene

Can I lead You Astray?- a rivusa get together fic

Wanna See What’s Under That Attitude- Hallmark Christmas movie fake dating Valevans, which is only so highly rated because I wrote it at fandoms peak interest in the pairing

Swing Life Away- rnm all human au, this was and still is my passion project

Like the Sky- a short missing scene from Lockwood and Co, and an exploration of Lucy’s feelings for Lockwood and Norrie

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I wrote for the community so it’s really cool to discuss the characters

The only exceptions are rude comments get to sit- unless I think it’s a misunderstanding than I’ll respond with a simple redirect and thank you

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angst is NOT my thing, but probably do you remember? which just has Michael fall asleep before Max can ask about Alex, so it ends in their still fractured pre-show relationship

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All my fic has happy endings pretty much! But the one that probably felt the most joyful to me personally ours which was my first foray into malexa and just ends with the sweetest big group moment

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! Not since I moved into the rnm fandom, barring like one comment on a Forrest fic all I’ve ever gotten is really really nice interactions <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Haha yes, all kinds. From the softest vanilla euphemism full sex to weak ass bdsm (sorry I haven’t quite got hardcore there yet- like I keep blushing and backing out on letting Max wear a collar)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really- I have one crossover written and another in the works. Rnm/Tvd which kinda writes itself.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope- ik I would be terrible to work with cause I’m super particular, but I’m not against the idea.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

You’re not gonna believe this- Echo

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Joniz kidnapping fic! I started back during s3 and formatted the entire thing, only for them to reveal more info on Jones so I had to replay it, and then he actually kidnapped Liz, fed her and dressed her and I was like ‘this is my fic!’

16. What are your writing strengths?

Idk- I think I put a lot of care and effort into making the characters actions and reactions plausible and realistic, cause I studied psychology for a bit and it’s one of my interests, so I just apply it a little too hard. Which feeds into a weakness cause it means I always feel incapable of characters pov’s I don’t think about an absurd amount

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

New POV’s and commas

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I love it personally- but the little Spanish I did retain from highschool isn’t enough to actually write it (so I use google translate) but I’m hoping once I have more free time to take up duolingo and actually learn it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Swing Life Away- it’s like a child to me, however poorly written

no pressure tags @lilshitwayne @morganadw @ajna-eye-cogitations @beautifulcheat @ladynox @maeglinthebold and anyone who wants to!

[ohraicodoll]

Possession | Chapter 3

Chapters:  3/5 Fandom:  The Sandman (Comics & TV 2022) Rating:  Mature Relationships:  Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Original Female Character, Dream/Reader Characters:  Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Original Female Character, Matthew the Raven, Lucienne, Calliope, Mervyn Pumpkinhead Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, Explicit Sexual Content, Past Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Possessive Behavior, Domestic Violence, Jealousy, Trauma Responses Tags: Complicated Relationships, General complicated feelings, Dream is an IDIOT, they both have baggage, Past Relationships, Angst, OFC: Dahlia,1st POV

Summary: Lines are crossed.

3rd in the Fragments Series  | Read on AO3 Writing Masterlist Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 Previous in Series: Touch Starved Next in Series: Interwoven Chapter Warning: Trauma response, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, angst,  toxic behavior, abuse, violence CHAPTER 3:  How to Draw the Line Between Wrath and Mercy

Work the next day was a struggle. I felt drained, physically and emotionally. Waking up to an empty room always left a bittersweet taste in my mouth but after the night before I had felt even worse. The coldness of Morpheus’ voice haunted me throughout the day, mixing and churning with echoes of voices from my past. It was like being trapped in my own waking nightmare, something I hadn’t dealt with in a long time. The passing thought of “I should probably go back to therapy” rattled around but explaining that you were kinda seeing an anthropomorphic being in your dreams was a hard sale and definitely would have gotten me sent for a psych eval. I hated feeling like this. Sad and small and depressed, not quite knowing what to do. I had been so upset the night before, the news a shock to my system, but now I wasn’t sure what to do. He said I mattered, that I wasn’t exactly in the wrong for questioning but at the same time that didn’t mean he was going to start sharing. We were both blank books to each other and neither were eager to reveal the hidden contents. Anissa passed by my desk for a third time and I could feel her eyes on me, watching as I slowly typed in another report on the new release that had launched a few weeks ago. I knew she could see the bags under my eyes and the way my clothes were just slightly in disarray. After she circled back around for another drive-by, I stopped and stared straight at her. “What?” I dryly commented, raising an eyebrow at her. Her red brow lifted and she played off nonchalance, shrugging, “Nothing! Just seeing what you were up to?” “Mmhmm,” I narrowed my eyes at her, “Working, like you should be. Just spit it out, Nissa.” She whistled under her breath and leaned against the wall of my cubicle, “Someone sure is grouchy today, Miss Dahlia. I would say I’m sensing man troubles, but someone keeps insisting she’s not actually seeing someone.” “Because I’m not,” I grumbled. Last night made that clear…ish. Anissa clapped her hands, grin on her face, “Well good! Then you have no reason not to come out for drinks after work tonight!” I wanted to groan and say I wasn’t interested immediately. I wasn’t really interested in socializing and my stomach was already in knots since Morpheus had said he would make it up to me tonight. I was anxious, angry, hurt, not completely over what had happened and how I had so easily slipped back into my old trauma reactions. But I still wanted to see him, wanted that easy comfort we seemed to have around each other. I wanted him to like me. The small, indigent part of me reared its head up again. Why shouldn’t I? I had my own life in the Waking world, my own friends and goals and things I wanted to accomplish. It wasn’t all about him, waiting around to go to the Dreaming. At the end of the day, I didn’t get to stay there and had to come back to this life. It’s not like he had made the same effort to visit me that often outside of his own realm. It was dumb and petty but true. I could sit at home alone, moping and waiting to go to sleep, or I could go out for a bit, relax, and hang out with Anissa. She was a good friend if a bit of an airhead and a little self-focused, but I knew she cared. She’d been the first one to reach out when I got the job and been there through a lot of ups and downs. Why shouldn’t I go out with her? So even though my inner hermit wanted to scream no, I sighed and forced a smile, “Fine, I will go. But! I don’t want to stay out too long, I’m tired and want to get to sleep.” Because I had a date with the King of Dreams. She clapped excitedly, a grin spreading on her face, “Yes! Honestly, Dahl, you need a drink and I think it would be good for you to get out of that sad little apartment of yours.” I rolled my eyes and went back to my report, “Thanks, now go away.” Her laughter trailed after her as she walked away. I fought to keep the anxious need to cancel at bay, to find Anissa and say nevermind all the rest of the day. Bravery and frustration had fueled me to say yes but now as I waited for the day to end, I was regretting it. I wanted to go home and mope. But the clock continued and as the work day ended, Anissa swung by so we could walk out together and head to our usual bar down the road. Friday would mean after work happy hour and a crowd but it was a nice place and usually only inhabited by the older working crowd and not a bunch of drunk college kids. I pulled my cardigan close to me over my work dress, staving off the Autumn chill during the walk. “Alright, so spill the deets. What’s been going on with you?” Anissa said as soon as we sat down inside at a tall table in the back corner. Chatter surrounded us and the lights were warm and inviting as the jukebox played an older tune. “And don’t say nothing, you’re an awful liar!” she cut me off as I opened my mouth. I sighed, “It’s…just me getting stuck in my head. I’m just feeling a little insecure at the moment.” A waitress came by and took our drink orders and I defaulted to my usual cranberry vodka since I didn’t plan on drinking much and beer tasted awful to me. My friend narrowed her eyes at me, lips pursed, “This is about that guy you started hooking up with after Thomas, isn’t it?” I cringed at the term ‘hooking up’ but couldn’t exactly deny it. That is what me and Morpheus were doing, it just sounded odd in relation to Dream of the Endless, Lord of the Dreaming and King of the Nightmare Realms. “No-” “Dahl.” “Okay, yes-” I relented, groaning, “But it’s not a big deal. We’re not dating, it’s only something casual. I just…got confused about where we stood. It’s all taken care of though, things are fine.” She frowned, thanking the waitress as she dropped off the drinks and taking a healthy sip of her own, “You know when I said there’s no harm in having a little fun after a breakup…you usually don’t keep the fun around for long. Like then it becomes less fun and more messy. Feelings get involved, shit gets complicated, lines get blurred-” “Okay, I get it-” I cut her off, “I know. I know! It wasn’t like I intended for all this…it just happened.” Her face softened to sympathy and I knew she was thinking I was a sad lonely girl who didn’t know what I was doing. She wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want other people to know that. She gave me a small, sympathetic smile, “Fun is good but I think you deserve someone that will make you feel comfortable, love you, accept you as you are! I know you’ve had some issues in the past-” “That’s an understatement,” I muttered. “-But! I know you deserve someone that will see it and accept it and be considerate to what you need. You’re having fun for now but maybe when the fun starts to make you sad, it’s time to call it,” Anissa finished. The ice in my glass clinked and I looked away from her to stare at my drink.

It sounded so much simpler in theory, but seeing Dream was addicting. I loved the Dreaming, I loved the way he made me feel and the attention he gave me, the way this being that had seen so much had decided that I was interesting enough to spend time with. But the thought left an acrid taste in my mouth and I felt an echo of my younger self. Sixteen and thrilled that a guy older than me thought I was beautiful, wanted to be around me. I took a large gulp of my drink, the vodka burning my throat and the sweetness of the cranberry coating my mouth. Anissa luckily changed the topic, switching to talking about work and her sister’s wedding that was coming up, throwing out the idea that I should join her for the holidays on a trip. I didn’t have any family and usually stayed home, drowning out the outside world, ignoring the commercials about family get-togethers and Christmas mornings. I let her ramble and take over, doing what she did best as I listened and nodded along. The bar grew more full, the crowd filling the floor and taking over the tables. Every now and then it felt like the space in my back was burning, like someone was staring and I was worried maybe Thomas had shown up, but when I looked around I couldn’t see anything. I chalked it up to my own paranoia, reasoning that he preferred the other bar further down the road. The time passed and I was getting ready to cut Nissa off and head back home so I could get settled and go meet Morpheus. It was getting close to the normal time I’d pass out and go there, something that had become clockwork over the past months. As I was getting ready to flag down the waitress, my friend grinned at someone in the crowd and raised her hand high, waving. I frowned and glanced over, trying to see who she was focused on and my stomach dropped slightly. I looked at Anissa and glared.

“Tell me you didn’t invite Cam?” I growled under my breath, staring her down. She only turned to me and smiled innocently, shrugging. “He must have just shown up!” she feigned nonchalance, grinning as our tall dark haired co-worker saddled up to the table. Cameron had started working in our department a few months back, but only recently had been added to our project group for one of the new releases. He was nice, sweet, lean with a mop of dark brown hair and tanned skin. Sometimes a little awkward, but we’d gotten along easily once we got to work together more. And he had a crush on me…as Anissa liked to mention all the time in her attempt to matchmake. He was a good guy, but I wasn’t really interested. Something I had told her before. Multiple times. “Hey, Cam!” Nissa cheerfully greeted him. He glanced my way with a small smile and I returned him, greeting him as well. He grabbed an empty chair and pulled it up, still in the same dark blue button up shirt he had worn at work. “Hey, Dahlia,” he nodded at me, rubbing the back of his neck. I sent a glance at Anissa, a small glare out the corner of my eyes, “Hey, funny to see you here. Did you only just leave work now?” Cameron shrugged, “Yeah, I had to stay late to finish up a few things since I’ll be out on Monday. That report Kransky wanted done was a nightmare and I knew I’d be getting a thousand emails while I was out if I didn’t finish it now.” Quarterly wrap up was soon and we’d all been stressed, but I didn’t envy him staying so late in the office, “Well I’m glad you got it knocked out the way so you can enjoy your time away from the office. As soon as Quarterly is finished, I’m half tempted to take a mental health day.” Anissa looked between us, abruptly standing up, “I’m gonna go get another drink! Cam, want anything? I’ll buy!” If I could burn her to cinders with my eyes, I would. I stared her down as Cameron looked at her, seeing her wide grin. He ordered a beer and I watched her disappear into the crowd, swallowed out of sight, and leaving me alone with him. The burning on my back intensified and I glanced again into the crowd, not seeing anything. For a moment I thought I saw the familiar shape of Dream’s coat but it was Autumn so everyone wore the same jackets. “Sorry for popping up,” Cameron started, wincing, “I didn’t mean to interrupt your hang out session.” I turned back to him and gave him a smile, “It’s totally fine. Anissa dragged me out here and we’ve only been chit chatting. No biggie.” He braced his elbows on the table, lips turning up in the corner, “Dragged you out, huh? Socializing that bad for you?” Laughing softly, my fingers traced circles in the condensation of my glass, “Not always. I think I’m just a homebody. I’ve never been big on crowds or even drinking, that’s more her scene.” “More of a books and tea kind of gal?” Cameron teased and swayed, bumping his shoulder into mine. I rolled my eyes, bumping his shoulder back, “Yes, I am that stereotype, thank you. I do work in the book industry, after all.” “There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!” he placated and grinned, “A good story can be infinitely better than being in a crowd while a bunch of drunken dudes shout at the TV and your shoes stick to the floor.” “Speaking of good stories,” I raised my brow and leaned in, almost whispering conspiratorially, “You hear about the Richard Madoc shit show? Thank god we’re not having to handle that.” The burning at my back continued and I rubbed at my spine, wondering if a bug had bit me or something that was making my skin hot. Cameron grinned, leaning forward, “I heard they found him with his fingers all cut up and writing in his own blood. Like how does someone even have a breakdown like that?” We talked about gossip and work, the different projects and complained about our bosses. At some point I glanced at my phone, seeing the time. I had meant to leave, meant to head back home. Our usual meeting time had come and gone somehow and a part of me felt guilty. But another part of me didn’t want to leave yet. It was small and petty, but it said fuck it. Like I had thought earlier, this was my life. It didn’t center around the Dream King and even if I wasn’t interested in Cameron, he was a nice guy and we got along well. He was still a good friend to have and I’m sure Morpheus had plenty to keep himself busy with until I would show up. So I stayed. I could be a little late, it was fine. He’d kept me waiting most of the night anyways. Anissa came back at some point, having taken a ridiculously long time getting drinks and brought me another as well. She had her own gossip to share and I ignored her knowing glances when Cameron would tease me, poking my arm or bumping into me. I wasn’t going to let her push me into anything and it was all good fun. “-you should have seen his face!” Cameron laughed, lifting the beer bottle to his lips, “You would think for a writer a few basic questions wouldn’t stump him.” I grinned and laughed, “That’s what I’m saying! I totally think it’s a ghost writer! If you listen to that man talk, he sounds nothing like his books.” “You guys are mean!” Anissa cackled, “Stop! I actually like his books!” Cameron and I looked at each other and busted out laughing again before he raised his brow, “Well when his ghost writer continues then you’ll have even more books to like!” We both laughed at her fake pout, her holding back a smile. Cam patted the table, pushing away, “Alright, I gotta go to the restroom real fast. Dahl, you want another drink on my way back?” I pointedly ignored the fact he had only asked me, rolling my eyes, “Of course you have to pee, that shitty IPA you drink wants to return to its natural form. And no, I’m good, thank you!” He rolled his eyes back, pointing a finger at me, “You lack refined taste! It’s a craft beer, it’s supposed to taste like pee!” I laughed and watched him walk to the back where the restrooms were before turning to Anissa and her shit eating grin. “Yall are so cute,” she cackled. “Stop,” I hissed but with a small smile, “I’m not interested. He’s a good friend, but I am capable of being friends with a guy without dating him.” She groaned and flopped forward, sprawling on the table, “But he’s so sweet and you can tell from a mile away that he likes you! Plus, a cute guy who is into books! Goldmine!” “That’s a pretty low standard, Nissa,” I deadpanned. “Ugh,” the red head threw her hands in the air, “Dahlia Morrowland, I love you. Dearly. But I want you to seriously consider something.” A lump formed in my throat, anxiety kicking off at the sudden serious tone she was taking and the way her lips turned downward, “Cameron is a nice guy who likes you. I know you’re attached to your mystery man, but I think maybe it’s time you consider an actual relationship with someone who isn’t going to lead you around because you deserve that after-” “Okay, Anissa, I understand your concern,” I cut her off, “It’s…complicated, but I’ll think about it.” She patted my arm, eyes full of understanding and sympathy, “That’s all I ask. Now, since Cam lovingly did not ask if I wanted another drink, I’m gonna go grab one. I’ll be right back!” I watched as she slipped out of her chair and made her way to the bar, the crowd having thinned out considerably now. It was close to eleven at night, now far past my usual bedtime, but the alcohol was loosening my nerves and I needed that. Needed the liquid courage to brave facing Dream again and the aftermath of our fight. Anissa’s words swirled in my mind though. Cameron was nice, but… I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready to end things yet with Morpheus and as he had said, I was his and he was mine. I didn’t want to give him up, didn’t want him to give me up. Sure, things were a bit of a mess and I really didn’t know where we stood with each other even with us claiming the other, but it was worth it still. I drank more of my watered down alcohol, the condensation dripping and sliding down my arm like a cool touch. In the blurred image at the bottom of my glass, I thought I could see two stars gleaming at me and I slammed my drink down, looking around me quickly. He wasn’t there, but out the corner of my eyes were glimpses of pale, alabaster skin and black ink hair. I looked again and there was nothing, but that feeling of burning pinpricks stayed on my back and I realized I knew what it felt like. Eyes watching me. The concentrated focus of magic and power. My heart seized and I struggled to swallow, hoping I was imagining it all or that the alcohol was causing me to be more paranoid. It’s not like I had done anything. I went out for drinks with friends. Sure, I’d picked that over being on time to a date with King of Dreams but it wasn’t like I was bailing completely. He couldn’t possibly be mad about that, right? There was a sudden commotion in the back of the bar, near the restrooms. Cameron came bursting out the door, the wood slamming against the wall and picture frames clattering to the ground. He collapsed onto the ground and started crawling backwards as he stared at the room in horror, panic causing his limbs to move jerkily. His face was drained of color and fear had blown out his pupils, sweat drenching him. The bar went silent in the wake of his frantic, desperate whimpers as he scuttled backwards and attempted to get to his feet. I stood from the table, shocked and worried, headed to him as cold dread settled into my stomach. He spun around, looking everywhere in terror as people tried to help him up and settle him. Anissa came up beside him and asked what was wrong, but he could only spout a jumbled mess of words as fear coated every inch of him, shirt rumpled. As I moved closer, the words, “. ..shadow…nightmare…monster… ” reached me as he sputtered with tears in his eyes. I stopped as he made eye contact with me, eyes widening even more, and he backed away. And I could see it in the eyes, the sheer terror of witnessing something that didn’t make sense but pure instinct driving you. Pushing the arms off him, he ran for the door and left the bar without another word, taking off at a dead sprint. Nightmare. My breath was coming in short, rasps as I stared at the door Cameron had run out of…and the black coat of the Nightmare King following shortly after. He’d been there. He wouldn’t. He had. I was staring but not seeing, the sound in my ear muffled as a high pitch screeching sounded over and over again. I couldn’t feel, couldn’t breathe. The room was a blur as I blinked unstaring at the door, ignoring Anissa grabbing me and asking questions. Morpheus had been there, watching me. Watching Cameron. I do not share. Anger burned white hot through me, burning away reason or logic or excuses. I had the vague recollection of Anissa trying to get my attention, but I couldn’t hear her anymore beyond the rage that flared through me. How dare he? How fucking dare he? I made an excuse that I had to head out and left the bar, not even feeling the chill on my skin from how hot I burned. The walk home was a blur, feet carrying me while my mind churned and churned. Morpheus had done something to Cameron, had scared him, terrified him, made him scared of me. What right did he have? Especially after the night before? My door was before me in a blink and even before I opened it, I knew what would be on the other side. Who would be on the other side. His power itched along my skin, expanding past the walls of the apartment, stinging and dangerous. The apartment was dark except for the moonlight coming through the windows. Morpheus sat on my couch, legs crossed, and drenched in shadow. Twin points of light stared at me from a cloaked dour face, arms crossed. His power was radiating and I knew that even if I could feel it through the door, he was barely keeping it leashed. The Nightmare King sat in the dark of my home as if it were his throne room and I was entering his domain. I slammed the door shut and flicked on the lights, blue eyes meeting mine. “Were you there?” I shouted, my bag thrown to the ground and my finger pointing into the distance. He didn’t shift, didn’t blink, only continued to stare at me with a face so pale it looked like moonlight and eyes that glittered dangerously.

My breath was coming out in heavy pants, drink turning sour in my stomach, “Did you do that?!” The Endless’ chin raised, high and mighty, lips pressed together tightly as he growled, “The mortal should count himself lucky for I could have been far more terrible.” I huffed out the air from my lungs in anger, disbelief flooding me as I placed my hands on my hips and stared down at the carpeted floor. Hearing it out loud, hearing him all but confirm his involvement, made it all sink in so much worse, “Cameron did nothing wrong, he didn’t deserve whatever you did!” “So you would defend him?” Morpheus asked with a curled lip. He stood from the couch, tall and dark in the warm light of my very human apartment. His coat bordered on solid and smoke, the edges hazy as he struggled to keep his mortal appearance. “I would defend a coworker and friend who didn’t deserve to have the Nightmare King sicced on him for simply being around me!” I yelled and stepped closer. Dream’s eyes were a swirling miasma of stars and chaos, almost black with anger as he towered over me, “Did nothing wrong? The mortal was clearly interested in you, kept touching you-” I shook my head, not believing what I was hearing, “Because he flirted with me, you punished him? Are you kidding me? Do you not see how that is such bullshit?” My blood was racing and fingers clenched into tight fists. Morpheus stepped closer, only a foot away so I had to crane my neck to meet his gaze, “You did not deter him and I warned you. I do not share. You were told that, told that I would not be able to control myself.” “Oh so you gave yourself an excuse ahead of time, wonderful,” I hissed at him sarcastically, “I’m so sorry, your majesty, I guess that makes it all better! I was being friendly. He’s just a friend. What, I can’t be around another man now without you freaking the fuck out on him but you can go see your ex-wife and I can’t say shit?” “That was different,” he argued. “It’s not!” I screamed and wanted to throw something out of frustration, “Fucks sake, for an immortal you seem like every other guy and their double standards. You left and didn’t tell me at all almost all night, but I’m just supposed to trust that it meant nothing?! Trust goes both ways, Morpheus! If you want me to trust you then you have to trust me.” “The mortal-” “Stop! This isn’t even about him really!” I pushed him back slightly, trying to get space, keep him from lording over me and talk down like I was a disagreeable child, “You know me! It doesn’t matter what he does, you should have trusted that I wouldn’t do anything! I would never have betrayed you like that, but you didn’t even give me a chance.” He snarled, “I did give you a chance. I watched you and not once did you dissuade his advances.” “Yes, you watched me which was a violation on its own,” my throat was thick with emotion, eyes stinging with anger and exhaustion and disbelief, “I have a life, Morpheus. I don’t get to stay in the Dreaming. I have to go to work, make money, interact with people on a daily basis. He’s my coworker, I work with him. If he asked me, I would have said I’m not interested but I was being friendly without making it awkward which is what humans do! So are you going to try and forbid me from being around other men?” The lights flickered and the air in the room was so oppressive it was hard to breathe, anger painting his face. I could see that red star in the shadowed half of his face, the way his jaw was sharp in rage.

He stepped closer and grabbed my chin tightly in his hand, forcing our eyes to meet, “I could. The difference between us is that I am a monarch with my own responsibilities that you cannot possibly fathom, not an indignant child to be berated. I will do as I wish as I see fit and the human deserved punishment for touching that which is mine. You did not come to me so I found you there with him. You have only yourself to blame for his fear.” “This is your fault!” “I did it because of you.” The memory seized me, hard and shocking. A different hand gripping my face in a bruising hold, spit and the hot smell of alcohol on my cheeks, hands scrambling for a hold as my balance was off kilter- My hand stung as it connected with his face hard, barely even shifting him as tears streamed down my cheeks. He didn’t react, didn’t move, fingers still on my chin. I pushed him, shoved, desperate and panicked like a wild animal until he let go and only the ache of his fingers on my face was left. “Get out,” I half sobbed, barely holding myself together, “Get the fuck out!” Anger still painted his face but it lessened as his eyes lightened and watched as I tried to keep from breaking down completely in front of him. His cheek was slowly turning red in the low light. My knees shook and I sank to the ground, hands digging into the carpet as I trembled and sobbed my throat raw. No sound except for my heaving breaths filled the room as I struggled not to hyperventilate, tears coming hot and fast. I wasn’t sure when he disappeared from in front of me, the air lightening a bit at one point, but I was too lost to even fully notice. I curled into a huddled ball on the floor, sobbing and wondering how it had all gone wrong.

[drylan]

Times Change, But We Haven’t

Ship: Dylan Lenivy/Ryan Ezraheler 

Tags: Post-Canon, Ficlet, Hurt & Comfort, Past Major Character Deaths, Age Difference, Reincarnation, Sole Survivor Ryan (Or Is he?😏), Survivor’s Guilt, Angst, Happy Ending

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: It’s been a little over 20 years since the events of Hackett’s Quarry. Ryan will never forget the events of that night, but he’s buried them in his solitude as a sole survivor, a recluse from society. Then, on a fateful day, he sees a familiar face frozen in time. 

“Are you going to come downstate at all during the summer, you think?” Sarah hummed over the phone, Ryan had her on speaker phone as he moved around his modest studio, deep in the midst of a painting. One for himself, not a commission.

He bit into his bottom lip, looking at the browns and tans of the portrait, trying but failing to give his not-so-little-anymore sister an answer. “I-I dunno, Sarah. Maybe.” Which they both knew meant no. It was almost always no.

“You always say that, but you and I both know that means no.” Yeah, why did he never bother bullshitting her? “You know, Lily’s walking now. I...she’s gotten so big.” Right, his little niece. She’s so precious, with Sarah’s smile. He’s met her a few times, but she wasn’t even close to walking the last time he had seen her. 

It wasn’t that long of a drive to Sarah and her husband John’s home. Eight hours if the traffic was bad, six if he left early in the morning or late at night and avoided the cross-state traffic. But it wasn’t about the distance. It was about the people.

Because even Sarah, his own family, after all this time, didn’t seem safe. Even after all that time, the weight of so many lives on his shoulders. He couldn’t add another, couldn’t risk adding another.

So he kept to himself. For the past 18 years, he lived in a cabin deep in the woods of upstate New York. Solar panels for power, welled water, even a few plants he grew in his garden to subsidize his rare outings into town for groceries. The nearest neighbor was at least a 30 minute drive away and that was the way he liked it.

Ryan made a living selling paintings. He had made a name for himself and it allowed him to make his own hours and schedules. And it required minimal contact with the outside world. Most could be handled digitally and only once every six months or so did he have to go into town to the art supply store - Rosie’s Goods - to get a replacement brush or a new tube of paint. Even then, he could always just order them to his PO box and avoid going to the store at all.

That being said, he hated it in many ways, this isolation. But he lived his life in fear. Not for himself, but for others. Because being around Ryan Ezrahler meant a competition with death and death had won a dozen times that night. Why the fuck would he ever risk it with Sarah or John or Lily? The less time he spent with them, the better.

But the desperation in Sarah’s voice made him reconsider, even if just for a bit. “...I’ll think about it.”

“Well, that’s better than maybe.” He could hear Sarah’s smile over the phone. “I have to pick up Lily from daycare, but I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Sounds good.” He almost muttered to himself, distracted by the fact a very particular tube of gray paint he needed was completely empty.

“And Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“Please see some people in person soon. Just, anyone. For any reason.” He hated the concern in her voice. He also hated that she was right.

“...fine.”

“Good. Love you, bye!”

“Love you, too.” And then Ryan was left alone, in his empty home. He put up his paints and decided he would take an impromptu trip to the Rosie’s Goods in the morning.

For now, he trailed upstairs, the echoes of his solo footsteps always reminded him of his isolation. 

And when he laid in bed, as he did every night, he slept on the right side of the bed, the left side left empty. Always empty.

🖌️

It was a very distinct gray he was looking for. It had to be perfect, a portrait painted from his mind’s eye, a memory burned into his brain, a soft smile and warm eyes. But the gray had to be perfect for the shirt. Otherwise, he might as well just toss the entire painting out.

Maybe he should toss it anyways, it probably wasn’t healthy to paint this all these years later. As soon as he had that thought, though, his eye caught a tube of the gray he was looking for. The last one of this exact shade, too.

He didn’t believe in fate, not really. It was a coincidence, finding the proper tube of paint right before giving up completely. And he would go home, finish the painting, let it dry, then put it in storage in his attic like all the other portraits of them. 7 painted so far. Just...just one left. A portrait of him.

And it would be put away, that portrait. And maybe, maybe then, Ryan could move on. He approached the counter and put his tube of paint and a few other small items he had been meaning to get extras of on the counter. He checked his phone for nothing but the time, because of course he had no missed calls or texts. He never did.

The storeroom in the back behind the front counter opened up and closed and Ryan looked up at the cashier and froze. It’s Dylan. Fucking Dylan, behind the counter in an apron with a small smile, beginning to ring up Ryan’s items.

His hair is longer, almost reaching his shoulders, without the signature volume and gelled look he rocked that entire summer. But it’s him. Not sorta. Not close. The only difference is the hair, down to the broad width of his shoulders and the long column of his neck.

The cashier, whose nametag says ‘Daniel’, looks up from where he’s bagged Ryan’s items and Ryan is terrified, stomach dropped down to the soles of his feet. Daniel’s eyebrows scrunched together and it was an expression Dylan made so many times. Fuck, holy shit.

“Whoa, man, you okay?” He even sounded like Dylan and talked like him. Ryan shoved his money into the young man’s hand, incapable of meeting his gaze. Their hands brushed slightly and then the cashier froze. “...Ryan?” That voice, that voice he knew, was soft and barely above as whisper.

No, no, fuck no. Ryan had finally cracked, he died in his sleep or he was in a coma or something, this couldn’t be real. “...what?” He barely managed to reply.

“Y-Your name is Ryan, right? And I...I-I’m...Dyl-Daniel, right?” The guy’s voice dipped from confused to almost desperate, but Ryan couldn’t handle this, any of this. He grabbed his bag of supplies and didn’t wait for his change, running out of the store and into his truck.

The inklings of panic crept up Ryan’s spine and settled into his trembling hands that gripped the wheel of his truck. Deep breathes, in and out, he tried over and over to calm down. He had truly and well lost it. Maybe he needed to go down and visit Sarah for a few months. Be around people, let this shit, let that night go. Because he had cracked that was the only explanation.

Yes, he was going to drive home now, never come back to Rosie’s Goods, give Sarah a call and starting packing for a long visit. That made sense. Yes, he had a plan now. This was all a coincidence combined with a mental breakdown from being alone for so long.

Just as Ryan was calm enough to drive out of the store’s parking lot, there was a tapping on the window of his passenger door. The Dylan lookalike stood there and looked as harrowed as Ryan felt just moments ago. 

"Open the fucking door, Ryan, I need to talk to you, now." Dyl-Daniel says, the desperation there in his voice, his eyes wide and lost, but there’s a fire in there. No room for argument.

Ryan could drive away now. Back up and leave and never see this young man again. But he doesn’t. Instead, he unlocks the door and lets Daniel get inside his truck.

“Fine.” He said, trying to keep his voice even, still struggling to look over at that familiar, startlingly familiar, face. “But we need to speak somewhere more...private. Not here. Not in town.”

“Alright, man, that’s fine.” He said carefully, putting on his seatbelt and glaring at the side of Ryan’s head as he pulled out of the parking lot. As the small town gave way to dirt roads and thick trees, Daniel joked about Ryan taking him to murder him in his cabin the woods.

Ryan couldn’t find it in himself to laugh. He felt like he was going crazy, mind a confused haze as he just focused on the road, on the way home, and not the face he had identified two decades ago.

As the sole survivor, Ryan identified everyone for the police. And the image of Dylan’s throat, torn out, his arms missing. Dylan deserved so much fucking more than that. But he didn’t get it. None of them did. 

“Hey, dude, that your place?” Daniel asked, snapping Ryan back into focus as he almost passed his own damn cabin. He turned into the rocky driveway without giving Daniel a response, he simply opened the passenger door for him and allowed him to follow him inside.

🖌️

Ryan poured them each a cup of coffee and instinctively adds two teaspoons of sugar and a splash of milk to Daniel’s mug. He took it without complaint, taking a small sip and then hummed. Apparently it was up to his standards. Ryan didn’t think about how that how Dylan took his coffee every morning at summer camp, right after he finished his morning announcements.

Daniel took a few more sips in silence, his expression worn and for a horrifying second, Ryan thought he saw him aging in front of him, a strange trick of the light before the guy looked up from his mug and smiled, looking as youthful as ever. "You're staring, man. Really not reassuring me about the whole murdering me in your cabin deal." He joked.

"S-Sorry, just. Not really good on my people skills lately." Like he ever was good and the way Daniel snorts makes him feel like the young man somehow knew that, too. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Have we met before?" Daniel formed his words carefully, slowly.

"No." Ryan doesn't hesitate to answer. It's a coincidence, it had to be. He'd placed orders over the phone and online at the supply store before. Maybe Daniel just put a face to a name and got lucky. His appearance was a coincidence, too.

Everyone in high school said Ryan was a dead ringer for that one actor in Detective Pikachu, so it could be the same for this guy and Dylan. There wasn’t another alternative, it was just chance.

Daniel didn't seem to take the silence well and he gives Ryan a look. One Dylan used to give him. It's unnerving. "Okay, well, Ryan. If you're not going to talk, you can try and listen." 

Ryan nods, because what else can he do? “Uh, sure...”

"Growing up, uh, people always said I had an old soul. Figured it was, y'know the trauma of being orphaned as a newborn and bounced around from foster home to foster home. But I wasn't an old old soul. More like someone twice my age, not three or four times my age like people mean when they say shit like old soul." He hesitated, looking down and biting into his bottom lip.

Ryan swallowed, his mind reeling with the possibilities of where Daniel’s story could possibly go. How hard of a life had he lived. He seemed happy, healthy, but...

"I had these dreams growing up. Still do sometimes, but not as often. So clear and vivid. Stronger than even memories. It's l-like a movie or something playing back in full 4K HD. Surround sound, the works.” He laughed, but there was no joy in it. “Experiences I had. So real I believed it was really me, which made no fucking sense because I was ten at the time and freaking out my caseworker and foster parents. So I learned to hide it. Maybe some of the dreams I forgot, but...I never did forget this face." Daniel makes his fingers into a rectangle, framing Ryan's face as if it was a picture, a portrait of his own. "Remove the crow's feet and smooth out some of the wrinkles and you're the same Ryan from my dreams. Just... older."

Ryan was speechless, hands firmly gripped around his coffee mug, trying and failing to find words, before he slowly did, broken and uncertain. "What...what are you trying to insinuate? I-I don't..." He couldn’t believe this, he just couldn’t.

"Did you have...dreams, too?" The young man says quietly, all the amusement and teasing joy gone, replaced by a strange, tense anxiety. "Did you have a Daniel, before?"

"His name wasn't Daniel." Ryan says carefully, unable to meet those eyes that have haunted him for the past 20 years. Werewolves and ghosts are real, so why not reincarnation? But even that...that seems like a stretch.

“Where is he? Did..."

"He died." Daniel nodded, deep in thought for a moment. He didn't seem surprised by Ryan's response which made this all the more unsettling. “I-I need air...”

He stepped out into the backyard through the back of the kitchen, the lush forest and greenery and tries to take in the fresh air, but it doesn't little to quell the thunderstorm in his head and chest. He heard the backdoor open and close behind him several minutes and knows Daniel's joined him.

"What was his name, Ryan?" Daniel asks and Ryan can't look him in the eye, the desperation obvious in the younger man's voice, so much so it makes an awful, deep rooted pain ache in Ryan's chest. "What was my name?" He said and Ryan let out a shaky breath, feeling like he's going to panic.

Ryan turned around, to see Daniel holding the half finished portrait of Dylan, the resemblance uncanny, more like he was holding a mirror instead of a canvas. “I-I...” Ryan choked and swallowed a sob.

"Please." Fuck. His voice. It's him, it's him. "I have a right to know, please tell me."

"Dylan." He breathes out. "His name was...was Dylan." Ryan tuned around, unable to look Daniel in the eye or look at him really at all. And something seemed to change in the air then, a calm breeze swept through the trees and suddenly the thunderstorm in Ryan is settled and Daniel is incredibly quiet for a moment.

"No wonder why Daniel never felt quite right..." The younger man whispered, a fondness slipped into his voice. Ryan turned around to see him with tears in his eyes, arms wrapped around himself. 

"Dylan? It's...are...you?" 

"Yes...and no. I think. I still...have my life as Daniel. B-But...I'm. I can feel things coming back to me, I...it’s so trippy..." He looked like he was going to faint and Ryan was at his side. He rushing the younger man back inside to lay on the couch, the half finished portrait forgotten on the back porch.

Daniel or Dylan fell asleep for a bit then and Ryan stayed at his side, more out of fear and paranoia that if he looked away the younger man would just suddenly stop breathing.

When he came to, though, he blinked slowly, gently, eyes soft and warm. But they were older with a deepness set in that reminded Ryan of his own eyes that he saw in the mirror every morning. "Daniel..."

"I think I like Dylan more." He replied carefully, eyebrows knitted down in resolution, firm on this stance. Firm that he was Dylan.

"Okay." Ryan says gently, giving up resisting the urge to brush back Dylan's hair and does just that. Dylan leans into his touch.

"Can I get your number now?"

It startled Ryan at first, before he laughed genuinely for the first time in 20 years. He nodded his head almost wildly. "Yes, fuck, Dylan. You can get my number. You can get whatever the hell you want."

"Well, since you're being so generous...how about a kiss?" And he did give him one, proper and loving and deep and not based on a dare.

[storyspinner91]

Chapter 5: A Wind Arising

Summary: When they finally have a chance to catch their breath, everyone lets their guard down and manages to relax...until some unexpected news sends Kit, and Elora, into a tailspin.

[Feeling stymied as I work on Chapter 16, so have another archival post! Also - found out coincidentally today that this work is, for the moment, the 3rd-longest in the "Willow (2022)" tag on Ao3! Woohoo...???]

This chapter is notable for having the longest, probably most unnecessary Note at the start of it. :P Fortunately now I have tumblr to ramble those thoughts into.

After what felt like the sprint through chapters 1-4 (both for me as a writer and, I hope, for readers), this chapter is the first sort of breath of air we get. The gang's escaped from Tir Asleen on their Oh Hellos-named shuttle, and we finally get to spend some real time on the relationships between everyone. We also get a ton of exposition at the end of the chapter, with Sorsha explaining what's happened with Airk and soft-previewing all of their new mechs.

I've been thinking lately about how little choices affect the stories we tell, and it's so interesting to me the way that just saying "Airk and Sorsha aren't on Tir Asleen" really changed the rhythm and development of this one compared to the original. It offers a lot of small, subtle changes: Elora and Airk are already a little more distant, Graydon and Kit aren't quite so pushed together (though obviously they still are), and their first priority is of course their own escape rather than going after Airk. It makes the whole thing a little less noble, perhaps, but I think that fits the new genre.

We also get a lot of fun things this chapter! We get what I would consider our first #Graylora scene! We get Jade and Kit hurt/comfort (I looooved writing that scene, I love Jade taking care of Kit but also holding her to account, very pleased with how that came out). And, of course, we have the introduction of KENNETH! Our best NHP turtle-boy. Having Kenneth as a full character is something I'm very pleased I did for this fic. Not only does it open up interesting story possibilities with Graydon, it offers a little more comic relief. I don't know what possessed me to make Kenneth toddler-like, aside from a sort of instinct that it would be fun. Responses have been positive so far!

Fun fact: this chapter also contains what I believe will be the longest callback/echo moment in the fic, where something brought up here will reappear in (I believe, if I've done my math right) chapter 24. Just a little something to look out for, since I recently had a callback between chapters 2 and 15! ;)

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

good morning,

41 and 56 for the ask game

Bonjour bonjour! 41 is sad, so happy Friday!

41 - Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

A bit depressing, probably, but it's Hermione from Echoes. Because she's... incredibly lonely, and she's...essentially (smh) a self insert. I started writing Echoes in November last year after a complicated year in my life where I didn't have much direction and had just lost of a lot of what I thought was my future.

One of the tags is "this is a letter to my loneliness" and it's 100% true, still.

I haven't felt inspired to write Echoes in the past few months because I haven't felt lonely (which is great). Finishing this story while I'm in this really cool, great place is actually pretty hard. I don't want to hiatus it because I DO want to finish it, I'm just... taking the scenic route.

Hermione is pretty traumatised and putting myself back in her shoes is... not a vibe I'm down for at the moment. I go dabble in the pool a few times a months, have a look around, type a few things.

56 - Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance?

I'd scrap the last 3 chapters of Heartless and take it another direction.

I've been battling with it for weeks and I'm just... I'm going on holidays and I am going to sit down and re-read the entire thing and make notes and try to dépatouiller all of this.

I wouldn't rewrite anything else, if only because I can physically SEE my writing improve, fic by fic. When I started on another, secret account when I was like, 13, I... I go back to it sometimes and just smile because my god. My GOD. It's awful, and I'm so grateful, because it means progress can happen. Every fic I write is my new favorite fic for a week, and then it dies and is forever forgotten and a new one takes it places, and then it becomes my favorite one, and so one and so forth.

I can't shut up at the moment about MDDM/God eater that I wrote with @greenvlvetcouch, but I'm already brain rotting about the other secret project we've just sort of started dabbling in, and I can just tell it's going to surpass God Eater (in terms of how crazy the themes and the storyline and the challenges and GAHHHHHH I'm SO EXCITED TO START WRITING THIS).

I think for a writer, the experience of writing a fic is very different than for a reader.

God Eater, or any other "longer" fic, is something that takes hours and hours and hours and HOURS to create, you know, so by the time it comes out it's all new and shiny for you guys but we're like "yeah that line was cool 6 weeks ago but I've written a lot more, a lot better, since."

Basically all my previous work is like, cool, but the ones coming are always much more exciting to me, probably because I really do write for myself, and whether a fic does "well" or "not" doesn't impact my love for it at all. I never write in the hope that people will read it. I write to exorcise whatever the hell comes, bleeding, out of me.

This ask game

[kylermalloy]

Filled up the entire challenge card! I feel accomplished! The rules this time were that I had to comment on and link each of the fics I read here. So here they all are!

Old fic: Slow Life by stereobone. First-time Eruri. Luckily, the aot fandom is vast and the fanfic libraries are deep—there are plenty of “old” fics for me to find!

​<1000 hits: A Real Lasting Legacy by dibs_on_erwin. Reincarnation/teashop AU, not as fluffy as it first appears. I actually had the pleasure of beta-ing this fic before its debut on ao3, so seeing its final form was an extra treat!

Fandom classic: The Echo There of Me and You by Shoi. An Eruri ghost story. I’m told it’s a classic, and being relatively new to the fandom I simply have to trust what I’m told. Very enjoyable!

Underdog trope: The Human Touch by Cherry. I am usually not a fan of sci-fi or android AUs. However, this one grabbed me just right—and presented me with enough clues that I have a pretty good idea of where the story’s going to go. It’s been…seven years since it was updated, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

Rare character/pairing: A Third Person Watches Them by Flight. Erwin/Eren with some voyeurism thrown in. It’s funny that a pairing with over 400 works on ao3 is considered a rarepair in this fandom. But I explored, I enjoyed, and now I’m going to devour more of these 400 fics!

Free square: I don’t have to put anything for this one, but it’s fun to! I persuaded a friend to post a snippet of their depraved fic idea, which I then proceeded to scream over.

AO3 archive warning: Purity by Anonymous. Dark Eruri. I’m always down for some noncon! I screamed aloud on several occasions with this one.

New fic: Cartographical Prowess by Tierfal. This one was actually part of the Fandom Trumps Hate auction earlier this year—I got to request some fluffy Elricest, and oh man did I get what I asked for! I had a blast with this one.

<1000 words: Schizophrenia by Indebt. Eruri. A bite-sized look at grief and mental illness.

New (to you) author: Sinful Thoughts by cozyreinsfw. Elricest. I met this author on discord a few days ago, and already they’ve posted multiple works for my otp! I am an instant fan.

>10000 words: Kraków by calacreda. Mafia AU. This one I’ve been chewing on for months. The tags say, “This is the gritty depressing horny evil!eruri fic you've been dreading,” and the tags do not lie. I cannot wait to see where this fic goes next!

Underdog pairing: Offering by orphan_account. I’m not a fan of Ereri. Generally at all. But since I like to push my limits, I’ve tried a few out. And this one? A lovely, dark premise that I can get behind.

Outside your fandom: Hot Weather Groove by Beehive Citizen. I jumped over to read some Cowboy Bebop! Ed is adorable in this fic.

1st person POV: For if I am not yours, what am I? by LuvAtFirstRead. Eruri. I am Not a 1st person enjoyer generally, but this piece had such lovely, evocative imagery—and the EMOTIONS! I love when a fic makes me horny and depressed at the same time.

Underrated fave: on wanting by underfallingflowerpetals. Some of the best Elricest I’ve read! I’ve actually already commented on this work, so I left a second comment saying how much I enjoy rereading this fic. Now, granted, it’s not on any reclists because it’s a relatively new fic, and the Elricest fandom hasn’t made any reclists in…almost a decade now. (I should change that. This fic’s going on it.)

>100000 words: baby I’ll come back to you by elizaham8957. Jonerys—a…Jonas Brothers AU?Another epic that is years in the making! I met this author via another fandom we shared, and at this point I’ll read anything she writes.

I had a blast with this challenge over my holidays. Thanks as always to @thehighfiveproject for the card—it’s fun to step outside my normal fanfic boundaries a bit!

[whatwouldvalerydo]

Carnage Circus - part 18/20 🔥

Old vs New

Oliver visits Akira before his time is up and you can guess the current director is not too thrilled.

Characters mentioned here belong to @cursebreakerfarrier and @kc-and-co

Tag list: @lifeofkaze @the-al-chemist @flareshogwarts @that-scouse-wizard @hogwartsmysteryho

Walking down the dark road leading to the circus, Oliver whistled a tune known to him, upbeat and cheerful despite the gloomy atmosphere surrounding him. The heavy fog covered the ground, so thick that Oliver could barely see his own two feet as he walked, but that did not deter him in the slightest, a slight hop being added to his step.

Few lights remained on, the front ticket booth being covered with posters glued one on top of the other indicating the shows for the following days have been cancelled. Pealing one off as a souvenir, the former director tutted as he shook his head, folding it neatly before he placed it in his pocket and rearranged his top hat on his head “Akira, are you here?”

Venturing inside, he heard nothing stir, all caravans shrouded in complete darkness. Heading to the main tent, he walked in the middle of the arena, circling the high ceiling with a pair of curious eyes “You know despite everything, I sort of miss the circus you know? It was a moment in my life that holds great meaning to me.”

A growl from the shadows told him he managed to find the director, however he did not look in his direction as he twirled his own cane from back in the day.

“It used to be magical, beautiful and charming at the same time. Each show exhilarating and filled with such talent. Of course, that was before it became Carnage.” A flicker of frustration flashed across Oliver’s face as he spun around, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes “How are the rest taking it?”

Getting up from his spot in the shadows, Akira walked closer to the front row, gulping down the last of his drink, a sinister look in his dark eyes “Perhaps you want your place back as the director.”

“No can do I’m afraid.” Oliver chanted away “You know that’s not how it goes. You need a replacement. Be it new or your second in command, the curse forbids another trade.”

Throwing the glass, it shattered to hundreds of shards upon impact, its sound echoing throughout the tent as Akira’s voice rumbled in his chest “Fuck the curse. Fuck you and especially fuck destiny and fate.”

Completely unphased, Oliver smiled “You brought this upon yourself you know. You took her from me thus unleashing something far greater than you. We were the Night Circus Akira, we were grand and you soiled it.”

“Did I? A kill for each new addition right? Who killed more first just to force me back? Was it not you?” scoffing, he jumped the rails, walking in front of Oliver “All for the key.”

“Yes, you are correct, I was lucky your parents bonded you to this place or else I don’t know how I could have found where you hid her.” Leaning in, he whispered “But regardless, your blood started this and it sure as Hell won’t end with you. Now tell me what do you plan on doing with the rest?”

Ignoring Oliver’s question, Akira started walking towards the heavy curtains leading backstage, the former director’s steps following close by.

Placing his hands behind his back, Oliver skipped from one leg unto the other “Shesh, such a dark aura. So gloomy no wonder no one likes you. Now, how about we drink something and discuss the future?”

“Fuck off!” Akira snarled as he entered his changing room. The detective, he blamed the detective, he knew and felt there was something off about him from the very moment they stood face to face. As if the events did not fully affect him. Or maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him and the crew he allowed near had been plotting against him for even longer than he figured. He knew he should have changed them once more, however since Talia joined he tried to make different decisions, ones that would not cause her to immediately hate him.

Even so, it felt as if no matter what path he chose to take, there were always obstacles, each time bigger than the others he had to face previously. And she hated him, he was certain of it. She had basically traded one prison for another and if it was one thing he knew, it was that she hated not being free.

“Free them Akira, they don’t deserve to die for what I have done in order to take Talia away from you. I can assure you they played no part.”

Taking a seat in front of his mirror, Akira stared at his reflection “And why would I do that?”

Sighing, Oliver went to pour a drink for both of them “Because you still want to prove there’s a reason for her to come back. If you kill them all hope of that happening dies out.”

Chuckling as a glass was set in front of him, Akira felt the last of his patience crumbling “I’m no fool, I know she would never return. She has no reason to.”

Despite his distain for the man, Oliver could not help but feel sorry in a sense for him and for what had been done to drive them to that point in time. The curse was not their fault. They had to do what needed to be done, like a sickness crawling under the skin, not letting them rest, pushing one to limits that otherwise they could not even fathom to reach, let alone cross.

But once you became the director or part of the main crew everything changed.

Akira too must have felt the same pain, the same relief also that came with the key being discovered. The struggle to hold her near, the love that sparked even before he knew her face. He had felt it with Victoria, he knew he would love her like crazy without knowing her name or the color of her eyes. He knew not of how her voice sounded, or the perfume her skin held, but he was ready to embrace everything.

And when Akira took her away, he never wished for such a pain not even on his worst enemy and yet he did it, he returned the favor tenfold. Not only with an added addition to the curse, but by also taking away the key from him, one that did not even hold the same history as he did with Victoria.

And while standing there, it did not feel as if he had escaped the curse and managed to carve his own path with a happy ending, but it felt as if he was carrying the same weight on his shoulders and he had never actually left the circus.

Sitting down on the couch, he let his body relax between the soft worn out cushions as Oliver took a sip from his drink. Maybe Victoria was right, why were they still causing harm even now, after all that time when all they ever wanted was to be rid of that place and just be together? The key had always been the heart and the director the brains, but that did not mean roles could not be reversed.

“Free them and I promise to never bother you again.”

“As if I’d actually believe such lies.”

Nodding his head, Oliver took off his top hat “I know you have no reason to believe me, but life has a funny way of playing out. Victoria actually believes Talia cares about you.”

Akira almost laughed at that notion, pushing the glass against his lips as he took another swing from it. No, he knew she did not care about him. She did try to appease him, but nothing more apart from that. She could barely stand sharing the same space with him and his darkness.

Darkness that now obscured his face almost entirely. The flicker of light that was in his eyes died out the moment he uttered those cursed words in order to grant the fire tamer the freedom she craved so much.

“You have a few hours left of today and come tomorrow, it will be your last for a long while. I know it will take a lot to rebuild everything again, to find a new crew. But maybe this time will be enough to tempt fate and walk a different path Akira.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, Akira closed his eyes “Just leave me alone. Your words mean nothing to me, your presence even less. You got what you wanted, your revenge. So go, celebrate with your little witch and let me be. No words coming out of your mouth can change my mind.”

Inclining his head, Oliver got up “True, but not all of them were mine. Goodbye Akira.”

[cloudofdarkness]

A Moment Of Respite

Rating Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV

Relationship: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light

Characters:

G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch

Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)

Miqo'te Characters (Final Fantasy XIV)

Additional Tags:

CAT BOYS BEIN CAT BOIS

u ever just meet someone thats ur type and ur like hmmm

Slightly suggestive

Language:English

Words:3,960

ao3 link!

summary: Eulmore has taken their stance against the Crystarium, but with doubts flooding through the warrior of light, how is he to cope?

notes: This was an old and short drabble I cooked up before starting Shadowbringers so the writing is a bit baby but I went back and tried to tweak it a bit because uhhhh it was kind of a daring idea of mine~ lmao hope it's good nonetheless!

Another day filled with endless quests passed the young warrior of light, as per his usual run. It was nice though, getting to explore the entirely new region that was Norvrandt. The flowery fields of Il Mheg, the melancholic forests of Lakeland that, even when overrun by sin eaters, was still wistfully beautiful. Though it had hardly gotten his mind off of the previous day, what with the citizens in the Crystarium sending him all around town to pick up small things like bread and butter, his mind still raced with thoughts of how the rest of Lakeland was faring, and he hardly had time to think about the impending doom they still might face as well, though the Scions and the Exarch both insist he take a moment for himself, how could he? It had only been a few days after the attack, and though everyone knew where to point the blame, the warrior still looked to himself for not being able to stop them all.

He sighed, pausing at the entrance to Syrcus Tower. He figured after today, he might check back in with the Exarch, seeing if perhaps the most selfless person in all of Norvrandt needed anything. Probably not, he figured, shrugging internally as he passed over the threshold. That man was never one to accept help. Everyone always said he did everything himself. But while he admired that drive, he knew everyone needed assistance sometimes. Perhaps...since he trusted so much in him, he’d listen. At least that’s what he hoped. He figured he’d find him residing in the Ocular, his hand gently resting over the doors and tracing the odd metal framing of it before gently pushing it open. And just as he’d predicted, there the Exarch stood, watching quietly over the land he so valiantly had protected for centuries. He almost didn’t want to ruin his quiet, but he wouldn’t need to, as the door behind him shut, the echoing alerted both of them to his presence.

The Exarch nearly jumped out of his robes, not expecting to be caught off guard like such, but after a quick clearing of his throat, he met the warrior with a smile, straightening himself dutifully. “My warrior, I do apologize for not acknowledging your presence. It seems I was lost in thought again.” He paused a moment, noticing the nervous demeanor of the miqo’te and beckoning for him to join him. “You’ve no need to worry, ‘tis nothing of importance. I hear you’ve been busying yourself with helping those around the Crystarium. For that, I greatly thank you. By chance, did you stop by the markets?”

A’Tali’s ear twitched in interest, knowing full well he’d probably ask. As much as he liked to hide the fact, the warrior knew the Exarch was really the one behind their meal making. He seemed to be quite the poor liar, but he’d never call him out on it. He was far too kind for that. Still, he knew he’d ask, so meeting the other with a smile, he turned to his satchel, gently shaking it so that the other could hear the Gil happily jingling somewhere near the bottom. “I did actually! I hope it suffices. I saw on my way out this morning that the quarters were lacking so I figured I’d make it a last stop. They predicted you might make another request so it’s already made its way over.” He confirmed, watching the leader exhale happily before going to join him on the steps. “Thank you, my friend. I’ve no idea how I did it all before summoning you here.”

A small laugh, almost like an exhale left A’Tali as he sat down rather politely, glancing over to the strange mirror-portal and noticing how it reflected over a familiar area of the woods sitting outside the city. A silver haired viera stood watch over a small encampment, her eyes filled with duty and determination. However, she was taken aside for a moment as another smaller viera tugged at her pant leg, bouncing around in what seemed like a request to play. She tried to keep her stoic demeanor, but she couldn’t help the child’s pleas. So she wasn’t as hard headed as he thought. Interesting. She certainly seemed like someone who’d be playful, but he couldn’t shake their first meeting...

“Worried about Commander Lyna? She looks like she’s travelled to The Ostall Imperstive and back many a time. I’m sure you’ve nothing to fear.” A’Tali tried to assure the Exarch, earning a gentle huff from him, almost seemingly embarrassed to be called out for such a thing. Sure, Lyna was grown now and could take care of herself but...that unexpected attack, and with many dropping dead each day, he always had to be watching. Especially if she happened to freeze up one unlucky day and get herself caught. He’d never forgive himself if he let that happen. “But I do understand why you observe. She...lost her parents to the sin eaters, yes? It’s only natural to still remain protective after all these years. You’re very good at watching over your city, I almost envy your skill.”

While that was true, The Exarch didn’t exactly understand why it was he envied him. Did he not understand that he was the hero of legend? The one even the people of the Crystarium still raved about hundreds of years after his story came to an end? The selfless warrior of light: who, no matter what, always took up a task. Who always saved the day no matter the price he paid for himself. He was simply doing his job watching over his city, nothing more. Though perhaps that was how he saw his duty as well. “I simply do so with care. Every resident is close to my heart, and it is my hope as well as my purpose that they all remain safe. I believe that you share that sentiment?”

A’Tali simply smiled in response, nodding a confirmation as his eyes cast themselves to the other, his face almost completely shrouded by his cowl. He wondered why it was that he hid his face. Was it that he preferred being shrouded in mystery? Or perhaps he was ashamed of what hid underneath it. Either way, it did spark his curiosity, but now was not the time for such questions. He still had yet to speak about what had transpired the previous day, and he knew it was going to be brought up as soon as their conversation came to a pause.

Regrets had reached an all time high as he watched the people of Lakeland gathering up what was left after Vauthry’s menacing attack in the night. How resilient these people were despite losing so much in the expanse of...what? Mere bells? Ever confident they were, ever inspired they were despite the chaos. And there, stood at the head of this inspiration and confidence was the Exarch. His voice always ringing true to the people, always encouraging hope.

It had reminded him of someone. For the first time in a while, he had let himself slip. And perhaps it was because his voice held that diplomatic sass, perhaps it was because the ambient hum of the tower was reminding him of where that old voice slept. But he had fallen back to when he’d first allowed himself to show his heart to someone.

It was too much.

The Exarch has noticed his drift from the crowd.

He’d felt rather unnerved about coming back here since, and his ears displayed this well, falling back in shame as he felt the other’s eyes on him. He hadn’t meant to act as secluded as he did...he shouldn’t have slipped in front of him… “Exarch, I must apologize for my actions last evening. I was simply...overwhelmed with emotion. I’m sorry you had to see me like so.” His voice was soft now, and his gaze averted itself to the towering ceiling, a look of melancholy stuck in his eyes.

It was then that the Exarch extended a hesitant hand, gently placing it against the sleeve of the warrior’s glove. “There’s no need to apologize, my friend. Though, if I may...I can’t help but notice each time you pass through those gates, you seem...haunted. My mind wanders to odd conclusions, but I recall that first morning you arrived. The man you spoke of...G’raha Tia...were you two close?” He inquired, his voice resonating care and kindness. Perhaps that was one reason A’Tali confided in him. He never once seemed to house ill will, despite how little he knew about him. He was still hesitant to answer, however, as it wasn’t so simple to give.

“...I felt that we were. It was...complicated. We’d only known each other for a short time...though it felt longer. He was the first person I’d confided in after such a long time. He helped me to grow as a person, he…” the warrior paused, realizing he’d been playing with the strings of his gloves. “...he was the first I’d ever had feelings for. I’m not sure where they came from, but they came so naturally...if only too late. I never confessed my feelings, and the closest I ever got was before he sealed himself away…” his voice broke at the last part, and one of his hands raised to his lips, his middle and index finger gently brushed against them. “I’ve lost many people in my journeys as the warrior of light, and many were close to me...but none hurt me so deeply as when I found this tower lacking him. Perhaps it was because I’d dreamed of seeing him once more...perhaps it was because...he never really knew how important he was...to the world. To me.”

The Exarch listened on in silence, not knowing what he could say to him for once, though he felt as if simply listening would comfort him. If only he knew...he wouldn’t have to shed another tear.

“I-I apologize! I didn’t mean to grow so gloomy again...I just-!” A’Tali was quick to apologize, and was just as quickly cut off by the other who shook his head, his non crystallized hand pressing a finger against his lips in a “hush.” “As I said, you’ve no need to apologize to me. I brought it up, after all, and I believe you need to talk about it. Does it feel better, talking about him?” He inquired once more, this time in genuine curiosity. Did he think about him? Was he truly that important?

The warrior simply grew quiet for a moment, before placing a hand over the one on his sleeve. He felt the other stiffen at the sudden interaction, perhaps a bit self conscious about his arm? No matter, he was confiding in him now, and something told him that while he welcomed such interaction, he hadn’t experienced it in quite some time. He couldn’t blame him, being the Exarch and all, always busy and always keeping to himself to ensure everyone turned out okay. He admired him for that. “...it does. But I also feel great sadness. I’ll never truly know of his fate. I’ll never know the world he woke up to or how long it took us...or if I still greeted him as a friend...or if I was there at all. I fear so much for him...but I also know he wouldn’t want me to linger in sorrow like this. He was always so positive. The driving force of our adventure, I'd like to say.”

The driving force? Their...adventure? The Exarch could feel his heart skip a beat at his explanation, though the other felt sorrow in his heart, he felt something lift inside him as he thought to their previous moments together. How sassy and spritely G’raha Tia was, how he was constantly uplifting the team’s spirits. How, even to the end of the adventure, he stayed smiling. For himself, and for A’Tali. This, the both of them knew.

“...it’s strange. You remind me of him in a way.”

It was quietly spoken, but the Exarch perked up in interest still. Like him? “O-Oh? How so?”

A’Tali smiled, quite entertained by the other’s reaction as he readjusted his glasses. He leaned forward slightly, a gentle shine in his pale eyes as he leaned his head against his hand. “Well, you’re both so dutiful. You take charge, but not in the way a typical leader would, you know? You’re kind and compassionate to everyone you take care of...and you have that wave of mystery about you that can sometimes bother me but...can also be very alluring.” The warrior laughed once more, his gaze so fixated on the portal, he didn’t notice the other looking to their hands. And thank the gods he didn’t...for the Exarch was speechless, and underneath his cowl his cheeks were warm with admiration and embarrassment.

“Perhaps it’s crazy but...sometimes you speak and it reminds me of him. The way that you talk often reminds me of those little moments where he’d drop his playful demeanor for a serious moment. It...made me sad, seeing such a happy soul take up such a grand duty...and how it affected him in such a short time. I often wonder if perhaps it was the same for you…” he trailed, before his tail shot up in alarm, realizing he was growing far too informal with the other and turning to him in a flustered demeanor. “I-I mean! There’s just so much to think about while I’m here…and I’m afraid I don’t know very much about you, so all I have to go off of is assumption!” He corrected himself, hoping to Hydaelyn that he hadn’t offended the other. Though he didn’t seem much bothered by it. In fact, he thought he heard a soft chuckle from under that cowl. The hold on his crystalline hand remained, and his ear flickered curiously. If only he knew how right he was in his musings. If only he knew…

“I suppose that’s partially my fault. We’ve usually no downtime in such a busy city. And...well I suppose I’m not used to such casual conversation. But...you would be correct in your assumptions in a way. Of course, I’m much happier now than I was first taking this duty...though I feel as if I’ve grown less jubilant over time. For what used to be pure joy has been glossed over with responsibility and worry.” The Exarch explained, his eyes turning up wistfully to the high ceilings of the ocular, watching the sun gently reflect off of its crystalline arches. It had been quite some time since he’d felt like the man he used to be, but there was a reason to everything, and so that was why he was the way that he was now. Surely the other understood, but his silence worried him all the worse. “I am still happy though, you needn’t worry. I know my purpose and it pleases me to know that I’m capable of carrying it out.” He continued, before pausing as he turned to see the warrior leaning in rather close, a cautious hand quickly raising to tug at his cowl, before freezing up as he locked gazes with him. He didn’t know what it was, but the gentle gaze the other reflected caught him in something he couldn’t describe. It was almost as if he felt that small, internalized feeling of being as he used to, before all of this. He’d forgotten for a moment what it was to hide himself. Did he need to? They were in close proximity, sure but...it was nice.

And on the other hand, A’Tali couldn’t stop feeling...something. Surely it couldn’t have been the Echo. Hydaelyn hadn’t exactly been very helpful when it came to the Exarch, though perhaps thing worked differently when you were a rift traversing mage like he was. Even still, this whole time he’d felt something so familiar about the other. His personality, his aura...his voice. Maybe it was just that he was longing for what used to be…maybe…no...he couldn’t possibly...and yet-

The seeker’s eyes barely flicked back to their practically intertwined hands before returning to the top of the other’s cowl...and then to the only feature he could make out from under it. His lips. He gently squeezed his hand, feeling something flutter in his chest. The longer he stared, the more he felt inclined to lean in. Why did he feel so familiar? His free hand guided itself back to his bottom lip, gently biting his thumb in thought. The silence was killing the both of them, and the warrior broke it first. “...Truly, why have you summoned me here? Surely there was another warrior who came after me? With so many heroes across time, why me?”

Because I wished to see you again. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of you dying, especially when I could have prevented it. Because I simply want you here. The Exarch’s thoughts raced, locked into his minty gaze. What was he to say? “I…”

He didn't need to answer though, for the hand previously pressed against the warrior’s lips came to cup his face. His thumb gently traced the crystal markings on his cheek, and A’Tali swore he felt him lean in. With all the things he’d done for him in the short time he’d been in the First, he could tell it was nothing short of admiration. Perhaps...did the Exarch have feelings for him…? Or was that just his longing heart hoping for something? No matter the case, they were practically touching noses now, and both were frozen like a stag being hunted by a dragon. It was A’Tali that broke their pause, closing the small space between them and pressing his lips against the other’s. He swore he felt his robes move from the sudden act of affection, but thought nothing of it as he remained in the kiss a moment longer, his tail flickering cautiously. He backed away slightly, but was still close enough to feel the other’s breath against his lips. His eyes barely caught a glimmering ruby gaze, but he looked away before he scared the other further.

Oh gods, what had he done…?

“Forgive me, Exarch I…” he began, but just as quickly trailed off as he watched the other take the hand on his cheek, his fingers intertwining themself in the warrior’s. How gentle he was, A’Tali thought to himself. It was much different than how he portrayed himself on the battlefield, almost like someone else he knew…

He couldn’t help it, he leaned in again, and this time the other reciprocated. He felt the hand on his glove grip the fabric, sensing that he wanted him close. He obliged, scooting closer and nearly pressing chests with him as he freely indulged in his affection. How good it felt to kiss someone again. And the Exarch could share his sentiments. He’d missed him so much, it was a shame A’Tali might never know what was really happening. But he did, and he loved every second of it.

Small seconds passed, and the kisses grew deeper and deeper. The warrior’s fangs biting into the Exarch’s bottom lip, issuing a small sigh as he slowly dragged them against the gentle skin. Both of his hands moved to press themselves against his back, gripping his robes as his previous worries seemed to numb. He tasted so good...he felt even better, and he wanted to be closer. Carelessly, he pulled him closer, pressing their chests together in the now heated kissing session. A hand came around to hold his hips, moving the Exarch into his lap just as he pulled away from the kiss, moving it down his neck, then to his arm. Each kiss was followed by a gentle bite, eliciting small whines and huffs from the other, who was trying to muffle said noises. This made A’Tali grin. Good, he thought, trying to hide his attraction thrilled him.

The hand on his hips gripped the fabric, balling into a fist to hitch the skirt of the robe up over his knee. Carefully, his hand traced up his bare thigh, and he felt the other shiver, but he was rumbling like...was he purring? Was the Exarch also a Miqo’te? Again, he wouldn’t say anything for fear of alarming him. He just wanted this right now, so ignorance was bliss. When his hand moved to his inner thigh, he felt the other lean against him, his face pressing against his shoulder in an attempt to hide his pleasured noises. So, he was very submissive. Good to know. A’Tali mentally noted, before moving to rub his inner thigh. He could feel the Exarch breathing shakily, his hips gently moving with his hand, and he couldn’t help but be turned on by this. Gently, he bit at a soft spot on his skin, sucking on it casually as his hand continued on to the other’s briefs. The other froze at the touch, and what A’Tali presumed to be his tail flickered from under his robes. He grinned, his own tail coming around to wrap itself around the Exarch’s leg. He leaned in for another, rushed kiss, the other quickly and mindlessly complying. Don’t let this end. Gods please don’t...

Though it was only briefly after that they’d heard a rapping at the Ocular’s doors, to which the Exarch almost fell back from his surprised jump, gripping tightly to the warrior in fear of someone walking in, but instead, a voice came from the other side. “I apologize for the short notice, Exarch, but might I have a moment of your time? ‘Tis regarding your request about the garden?”

If there was ever a deep shade of red possible for someone to turn, his was the deepest. He’d gotten so engrossed in...this...he’d completely forgotten about his duties. So it was. So it always would be. “I-I...Of course, I shall attend to it shortly. Allow me a moment, If you will.” He assured the waiting citizen, all the while trying to catch his breath. He soon received confirmation, and after hearing the guest depart, he cupped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment, his cheeks flushed and hot as he pulled his cowl even lower. He wished for the other to avoid seeing him. How could he be so irresponsible and foolish? Just like the man he used to be…

Just like him…

“Exarch, my deepest apologies...I don’t know what came over me, I just-“ The warrior began, but was quickly cut off by the other gently pecking his lips, and just as quickly leaning away to stand himself up. Just as graceful as he usually was, he brushed off his robes, and turned to the other with a gentle smile.

“No need to apologize to me, A’Tali. But perhaps it would be best if we kept this...a secret.” He paused, rubbing the wrist of his crystalline hand, almost as if he were in thought about something, before nodding, and turning to go. “I shall return anon. Pray, try not to overwork yourself before I do?”

The warrior hesitated for a moment, still getting over that hasty last kiss, his fingers against his pursed lips, before nodding. “Of course. I hope for your lively return, Exarch.” He wished him off, and as he watched him go, he could’ve sworn he felt that familiar feeling in his chest again. One of longing. One of mystery.

One of love.

[voices-of-my-brothers]

212th Appreciation Week

Day Four!

Title: Can We Keep Him?

Prompt: Modern AU

Ship: Fives/Echo/Wooley

Rating: Teen

Characters: Fives, Echo, Wooley

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gender Dysphoria, Genderqueer Wooley, Gender Non-Conforming character, Background Rexsoka, Echo and Fives are married, Open Marriage, Body Dysphoria, Nervous Wooley, Fluff and Crack

Summary:

When Wooley is nervously shopping for a sun dress he sees an absolutely beautiful man walk into the thrift store. While pining for the man and wondering how he could introduce himself, Fives makes the move and introduces himself.

When Fives tells Wooley he is married, Wooley doesn't know what to think. Until he speaks to Echo. The boys were waiting to find their third, and they found him for 50% off at the thrift store.

@212thappreciation

Thank you to @runekirikjartanfor reading it for me, didn't want to spoil the surprise for @eyayah-oya

The majority is posted on A03 as it's almost 4K!!

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39389733

Echo stepped up and pressed a kiss to Fives lips in the middle of the car park. It was one of their little acts of rebellion in their slightly backward and conservative town. They had a few jobs to do, Echo was going grocery shopping and Fives was going thrift shopping for more work clothes. He somehow went through them quicker than the rest of his site colleagues.

"Just got to get a few groceries love and then I'll be right in there with you," Echo smiled and tapped Fives butt as the other man turned away. "See if we can get you some new works clothes since you go through them so fucking quickly."

"Yeah well it doesn't help when you rip them off me. Sir," Fives snarked back and waggled his eyebrows, quickly stepping back out of the way to dodge Echo's flailing hand. He held up his hands as he skipped back another step, avoiding the apple core that Echo threw at his head. "Hey I stand by what I said. You don’t rip my clothes off me, I won’t have to constantly buy new ones."

"Go and find your clothes you little shit," Echo smiled and shook his head, swinging his shopping bags up onto his shoulder. "I'll be there in five minutes."

"Yes Sir." Fives saluted and walked off into the thrift store. Echo shook his head and laughed to himself as he walked off to the grocery store.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Wooley wasn't sure what he was looking for. He wasn't even sure if he would buy anything. The spike of anxiety as he walked into the store had skyrocketed as he browsed the women's clothing rails. He didn't even know what size he wore. He just needed…something. There was a feeling under his skin, an itch that he couldn't scratch and wouldn't settle without a change being made. He didn't know how to make the change and he didn't even know if it would work. But it was something  he could try. If it didn't work then he could try something else he guessed. He'd been looking for people like him online, and on one of the platforms they had encouraged him to go and find some clothes that were more him. They'd all been so kind and so supportive. He just hoped, against all of the gnawing worries in the pit of his stomach,  that this would work and he wouldn’t be confronted with what he managed to find.

He looked up as he heard the sound of the door open and then looked down quickly. The man that had walked in was gorgeous. He was wearing a skin tight shirt and jeans that clung to every curve that the gods gave him. Wooley risked a glance back up and caught the eye of the man. He blushed as the man winked at him and Wooley ducked around the rail so that his back was now to the man. He risked a second glance as the man looked through the rails of jeans and let his jaw drop. The man had a tattoo on his temple in the shape of a number 5 and a perfectly styled and sculpted goatee. His skin was tanned bronze, darker on his face and hands than the small expanse of chest that Wooley could see peeking out of his shirt.

Wooley grounded himself back into the moment by looking through the rails of 50% off dresses. There was a beautiful summer dress, light cotton with a golden sunflower pattern. The fabric was so soft and he just knew that was it. That was the one. He lifted it off the rail and held it up to his body. It was the most perfect length, just to his ankles, and the shirring of the top of the dress meant that it would fit perfectly on his flatter chest. He looked around quickly, he wanted to double check that no one was watching him go into the changing room with a dress. There were four other people in the store. A little old lady behind the counter who looked like she should have been in a museum, not working in a thrift store. The beautiful man had a basket in his hand with a few pieces of clothes in it. In the back corner, looking at the children's clothes, was a young mum and her toddler.

He slipped in the changing cubicle and quickly stripped. He didn’t dare look at himself in the mirror as he pulled the dress on but the feel of the fabric as it pulled over his skin was almost euphoric. Wooley turned and stared at himself in the mirror.

He looked…perfect.

The dress fit his form perfectly, it didn't look like he was wearing the wrong clothes. It suited him. It complimented his skin tone perfectly and the cut of the top of the dress meant that his chest tattoos were just peeked out from the neck.

Wooley cursed slightly, the lighting in the changing room was awful. Even with his skin tone it made him look sickly and tired. He poked his head out of the curtain, no one was nearby. The only person he couldn't see was the gorgeous man from before, so Wooley guessed he'd left. He pushed the curtain fully open to let the natural light from outside the store shine in and actually give him a proper look at how he looked in the dress.

Wooley turned in the cubicle and the light flooded in and smiled. He did look good, and he really liked how the dress felt against his skin. It was a bonus that it was 50% off, maybe he could get something else as well.

Wooley was so caught up in his musings that he didn't hear the footsteps as they clicked across the floor of the store. He didn't notice that someone had walked over until he heard the voice.

"Looking good, handsome." The man with the goatee spoke and Wooley jumped. His heart pounded hard in his chest and his whole body shook from the surprise. Wooley felt more than heard as his voice shook in response.

"T…thank you," He looked down at his feet, cheeks blazing with a dark pink blush, "You’re not too bad looking yourself." Wooley slapped his hand over his mouth. He couldn’t believe he had actually said that. He tried to stutter out an apology but the other man was already laughing.

"Ha you have nothing to apologise for handsome," The man smiled and leaned against the wall of the cubicle, he had stepped into Wooley's space now. Wooley watched as the man's eyes swept over him. "I saw you looking when I walked in. Knew I had to speak to you then, and as soon as I saw you in that dress I knew I needed to let you know how beautiful you looked."