#ham speaks

[half-dead-ham]

I hope you have a gender of a time.

[ham-nah]

hmmmmm

[floweyvalley]

being a manga reader has its perks

e.g: a character is presumed dead, chapters later it is revealed the character wasn’t dead.

That doesn’t sound fun BUT WHAT is FUN is I ALREADY KNOW ITS GONNA HAPPEN! So when the chapter ends up being in the new season, i can watch that motherfucker die peacefully! PEACEFULLY!! I don’t have to wait for the next episode or the next season, riddled w anxiety!

Does this make the character death any easier? Fuck no. But when I see the life drain out of those animated eyes … I’m already prepared and healed

[fromjannah]

my beyond the spiderverse predictions ☝️ (find my other spiderverse shit here)

[gleafer]

The angel was too shocked to speak!

[babybirbb]

i don’t know what’s funnier: spidernoir and spider-ham being invited to the spider society and them turning it down, or just straight up not being invited to join lmao

[phecdasolar]

Tumblr I need your help I am in dire need of feral/unhinged Disaster Twins fics pleaseeee (and maybe Mikey as a bonus) I’m just in love with the idea of Raph being the impulse control for once with this iteration, and just the second he’s out of commission the other three go insane.

Weapons of War, Bioengineered Killing Machines, Manufactured Supersoldiers Rottmnt turtles my BELOVEDS

And maybe just like,,, set Leo and Donnie loose on one of the other dimensions and have them absolutely horrifically annihilate their counterparts’ villains while they watch on in horror

(B.E.A.S.T. was SUCH a good fic you guys oh my GOSH go read it I’m begging you-)

I NEED to have it addressed in fic form that the Rise turtles are fundamentally different than all their other counterparts, because their counterparts? They were accidents. Just a couple of turtles splashed with mutagen and oh look now they’re people but Green. (Huge oversimplification I’m aware but hear me out okay-)

But the Rise boys were created. They were specifically designed to be weapons of mass destruction. They were built with the intent to cause harm which means they were bioengineered to be stronger, smarter(?), faster, to heal quicker, to have the capacity to take hard hits while dishing out even harder ones, they were literally forged with a purpose to kill.

Add on their mystic powers? Then their unlocked Ninpo? You can’t honestly tell me that these four aren’t the strongest and potentially deadliest version of themselves out there.

Yes they still had to learn things, as did the other iterations, they weren’t immediately good (that much is obvious, like c’mon it’s IN the name) but I don’t think the other iterations possess the same instincts as these guys do. They’re just so. Unhinged. They’ve all had their moments in the show I think where it’s obvious they’re not really,,, stable. I love them.

In a plain fists only, maybe weapons, no powers fight, I do think some of the other iterations would win, but purely because they have way more experience than these guys do. (If I did any crossovers I’d say 2003 and 2012 are definitely older than these guys, especially if we’re basing this at the end of their shows) But put them against each other when they’re still at the same level? Rise is whooping butt, I know where I’m placing my bets. It’s called RISE of the TMNT for a reasonnnnnn they’re not there yet but they WILL BE, and as of the end of s2 and the movie I say they’re finally THERE.

I have no idea how this turned into a headcanon rant this was just supposed to be me asking for fic recs hsgdjdjdk it’s almost 3 am tho so whatever sorry if none or some of this is incoherent o7 o/

Editing this with a list of fics I have been graciously recommended below the cut:

Firefight by remrose [42/43 chapters 208k words] (edit: JUST FINISHED READING ch38-42 WATCH ME BAWL MY EYES OUT I was rotating them in my brain all morning at work) less on the feral side, more on the gut-wrenching angst side, still Disaster Twins and still super good

In Which Donnie and Leo Make Themselves Everyone Else's Problem in an NYC That Isn't Even Their Own by YukiSkyes [7/? chapters, 18k words] the CLASSIC “the Disaster Twins are unapologetically causing chaos” fic, always a delight to read

The Lemon Leak by TurtleSoupSwimmer [27/37 chapters, 143k words] I’m being told it’s very true to the theme here, and it’s very angsty, a suspenseful psychological thriller, and will make you scream at your phone. I for one am very intrigued

Eschatology by aenor_llelo, Alderous, ConcoctionsFromHell, izziel_galaxy, Jaybird314, Otakuforlife19, and Rocket999 [17/17 chapters, 344k words] “HEAVY on the boys being biologically engineered to destroy the world, it also delves into so much character building and worldbuilding that we never got in canon, and it gives even super minor characters the chance to shine” Sounds intriguing, AND it’s a BNHA crossover which I am a big fan of :D

The Hunter’s Bible also by TurtleSoupSwimmer [2/2 chapters, 15k words] Rated Mature, contains themes of SA and c@nnibalism so PLEASE keep that in mind!! Not a fic for the faint of heart this is a Dead Dove: Do Not Eat! The SA is only attempted, and never shown, only implied, and it’s only in ch 1, but the other stuff is fairly descriptive and takes place in ch 2. All that being said, flipping UNHINGED, just about lost my mind in ch 2, it was entertaining in a surreal kinda way if you get what I mean. Funky little feral creatures

[duckapus]

It honestly makes sense that Noir and Ham didn't end up in the Spider Society because a Nazi-punching Detective and a Cartoon Reporter would've almost immediately clocked everything wrong with Miguel's "stick to the script" "some losses are acceptable and necessary, actually" philosophy, and they would not have been able to be nearly as subtle as Hobie when going against him.

[thegoreydimise]

I wish there were more characters that just didn’t have a love interest. At least a few should be blatantly asexual and/or aromantic but not having a romantic inclination is fine too, personally.

[kazulmehto]

To Kill a Red Dragon

[stealingyourbones]

If anyone has gravity falls fic recs please respond to this post with them. I shall read then when I’m done with the series

[ham-nah]

new tumblr logo is a shiny thing i want to grab it i want to hold it in my hands i want to stash it in the corner atop a pile of shiny things i want to bite it

[floweyvalley]

What if everytime I fake punch the air I’m accidentally punching one of my angels in the face

[sazed-s-faith-crisis]

Mistborn british cooking show!au

-Ati and Leras are judges with completely different views on how well done a tart should be

-poor sazed just trying to make a well done cream cheese tart but his copperminds did not prepare him for this :(

-kelsier what the fuck you were ment to make a tart but you made fuckin steak

-spook is crying and covered I'm jam (the cooking challenge did not involve jam)

-vin did not understand and made a table (its a very good table)

-ham made a great cream cheese tart but leras and ati were fighting about if it was done right so lost

-breeze: and now we add TwO ShOtS oF VoDkA

-Marsh legit did a good job even though he didn't know what cream cheese was 20 minutes before the challenge

-elend is confused and trying his best but he has no clue what he's doing yet made a decent tart somehow

-Yeden can cook a meal but not a tart, he is more confused than elend

-rashek cooked the best meal

[epicfirestormer]

What I love about Hellboy and Abe Sapien's dynamic in the comics is that, if you came into this blind, you'd expect Abe to be the voice of reason or the straight man to Hellboy's impulsive and hotheaded personality. But no, Abe is more often than not the crazy one. Hellboy would deal with fighting evil monsters and bad guys by just sighing and getting it over with, while Abe is going rabid over tearing the creature apart when he does get into a fight. Hellboy acts like it's a 9-to-5 job and will reasonably talk things out with a guy that had nearly killed him before, Abe acts like a madman in a slaughter house and his first instinct is to shoot first kill second and ask third. They're both insane, but on completely different levels.

[justaboutsnapped]

something something your pasts being so inextricably intertwined that you have no choice but to talk about him–actually you can avoid him but you won't because it's just the past (it's all in the past now). nothing more than ashes and dust. the past is safe but the present isn't. you talk about eating pizzas with him; you pass him on your scooter without so much as a glance