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januaryembrs · 5 months

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YOU WERE LIKE AN ANGEL TO ME | Spencer Reid x Sunshine!Reader

Request: my DARLING @avis-writeshq says- i’m a menace but i ADORED the spencer fic u posted 🥹 UGH THEYRE SO CUTE YOUR HONOURRRR 👹if it’s okay, may i request another fic with the same couple 🙈 perhaps one day reader is not as sweet or chirpy as she usually is, or she gets injured or threatened in the field? much love and lots of kisses xoxo 🫶

Description: Spencer swore he wanted to hate her. She was too happy, too chirpy, too much for a guy who spent months rotting in prison. But how could he ever hate her when she cried in his chest like that?

Length: 5k (I'm feral for these two)

warnings: post prison reid. Angst. depiction of suicide from the Unsub. gory language used. guns mentioned. mention of $nuff video and other murders. Nothing that hasn't been done on CM already.

authors note: if y'all want to see more with these two just SAY because I am all ears I would die on this ship

There were a lot of times in his time at the BAU that Spencer had wished he could have changed the outcome of their bad guy, surprisingly enough. There was the time they found their UnSub a few minutes too late, and one of the victims fathers decided to take him out then and there with a shotgun to the head. He was just a kid. There was the entire time he was with Tobias Hankel, and he lived in a state of both fear and sympathy for the boy trapped in his own body after years of abuse. There was Nathan Harris, the kid who had stopped him at the subway station and practically begged him for help to stop his urges to murder, only to slit his own wrists before Spencer could get to him because he thought he was tainted.

He could see how it was easy in their job to get wrapped up in saving the day, in saving everyone they could. He just had hoped, on some stupid grace of a god he didn’t even believe in, that she would have at least remained untouched by the bad luck.

Spencer had always thought, since the first day he had arrived back into the office after his stint in prison, that she seemed to just waltz through life easier than anyone else. He knew the concept of luck was not quantifiable, that it was just a coincidence that good things happened to some people, and bad things happened to others. He always grouped himself in with the latter, because what was his entire life if not one bad hand of cards after another?

Part of him had been seething with vitriol jealousy when he first met her. He hated how the elevator doors seemed to open without hesitation for her, no waiting required. He hated how her hair never seemed to fall out of place, while his required primping and preening to upkeep. He hated how she was always so happy, whether it had been she’d been given an extra cookie at the bakery for free, or her coffee had just tasted super delicious that morning, or the road works clogging the city had been put on hold the one day she needed to drive into the office. She was one of those people, he had decided, that life just seemed to smile down upon, and she beamed back in that dazzling grin.

He felt sick to his stomach for ever wishing it gone, especially when she looked like she might never smile again.

They never liked to say that they had easy cases and hard ones, all of their cases were difficult to process. But this one had been a handful above the rest.

“UnSub has been killed on site, all units stand down,” Luke said into the radio, and the entire squadron took a sigh of relief, all of them except him.

Because he saw that look in her eye, the way everything sparkly about her seemed to have vanished.

They had been following Bobbie Wrids for a week. Five bodies in, five men shot between the eyes execution style, almost six by the time they’d arrived on the scene.

She’d gone with Tara around the front of the abandoned building; Penelope tracked their newest victim, Henry Frond, through his phone pinging off the nearest satellite towers, and it had been straight forward from there. Or at least it should have been.

Because by the time Spencer and Luke arrived in their own SUV, Penelope had time to access the rest of Henry’s phone, and it was clear to see the victimology behind all six men.

They were distributing snuff videos of women, some between themselves, some to other usernames on the darkweb, and Bobbie Wrids’ daughter had been one of them.

Bobbie had become somewhat of a vigilante, but he was a grieving father above all. He was a wounded animal chomping at the bit to soothe the ripping pain of his daughter's murder, the same one those men were getting off to.

Tara and her exchanged a glance as Penelope relayed the information over their headsets, her once serious expression falling into something sombre and sorrowful. How could she arrest a man she couldn’t help but feel sorry for, one she couldn’t help but think wasn’t entirely wrong in his actions.

“Bobbie Wrids,” Tara’s voice was stern, cutting through the silence of the desolate building. Their footsteps were careful as they made their way through the hallway, down to what had once been a rec-room, or perhaps a staff room, where they knew Bobbie had Henry, “This is the FBI, we’d like to talk,”

They heard nothing, and she looked up to the older woman hesitantly, her finger hovering over the trigger the way Spencer had taught her. Tara took a minute, knowing she was leading the charge here with the girl being so inexperienced, before she nodded to the door knob and the rookie twisted the handle, pushing the peeling wood open gently.

Bobbie Wrids stood in the centre of the room, moth eaten couches either side of the damp rug, the ceiling tiles half caved in from wear and tear. Henry Frond was already a pulp in the UnSub’s arms, and yet it was Bobbie that her eyes shot to first, sympathy shooting through every fibre of her being when she saw the distraught look on the father’s face.

He was grieving. He was grieving his little girl’s death. He was looking for a solution, and this seemed to be his best bet.

“Bobbie,” Her voice was shaky, her and Tara frozen in the doorway as the man brought the pistol to Henry’s beaten face, cocking it towards his temple before they could even explain themselves. “We’re going to come in, is that okay? We just want to talk, just let us talk-”

They had only edged closer by three paces between them as she was speaking before his knuckles turned white and he squeezed the gun tighter to Henry’s skin, the barrel contorting the flesh, “Don’t come any closer, this pig isn’t worth your mercy,”

“We know,” She said, her and Tara slowly stepping over a fallen ceiling tile, cracking under her boot as she met his desolate gaze for the first time, his head snapping to her. “We know what he did, Bobbie. What they all did.”

His throat bobbed, his bottom lip quivering and the sight of it, a man so broken, forced a frog into her oesophagus, and she willed herself not to cry.

“They hurt my little girl,” Bobbie choked out, his face turning mauve as the tears began to build behind his eyes, “She was my girl. She was only eighteen.”

She nodded, his wetted hues seemingly permissive when she stepped closer to where he held Henry hostage.

“I know, I’m so sorry for what happened to her,” She said, her voice croaky, unstable as she wrenched it into something audible, “I’m so sorry,”

“He doesn’t deserve mercy, none of them did,” Bobbie spat, his forearm crushing against Henry’s trachea in a vice-like grip. The man floundered, a wheeze coming from his lungs, not that she felt much sympathy for him.

She sprung into action, flicking her gun onto safety and holstering it, Tara doing the same as she lowered her weapon to her side. He profiled as a vigilante; he had no reason to hurt them.

“Bobbie, listen, I know they didn’t deserve to walk free, okay?” She said, taking the smallest step towards where the men stood, “But she wouldn’t want this for you, would she?”

The man flinched, his jaw hard as a rock with how he clenched his teeth together, as if holding back a sob.

“Come on, Bobbie. Let him go, we have enough evidence to get him sentenced. We can get you a plea deal, I know a good lawyer,” She begged, because she wasn’t beneath it, because she knew he was a good man backed into a corner, “Please,”

Maybe it was the way her eyes were soft when she looked at him, or the fact two more agents burst into the room from the hallway, Spencer’s eye immediately falling to where she was stood so close to their UnSub, her gun out of hand. Tara stood by, but that wasn’t good enough for him. He edged with light footsteps until he was behind her, his gaze cautious, never leaving the gun in Bobbie’s hand.

“Please,” She repeated, and Spencer saw Bobbie’s shoulders drop, every sliver of resolve draining from his body at her gentle tone, a deer approaching a hunter.

Henry was thrown to the floor, the man practically dead weight as he gasped, almost retching at the feeling of air sucking back into his chest frantically, and Luke and Tara were quick to wrestle him into cuffs, the woman reading him his Miranda rights.

Spencer almost made a grab for her then, because she was still creeping forward towards the man who had a loaded gun still live in his hand. He didn’t care for one second that the statistics said Bobbie wouldn’t lay a hand on her since she wasn’t part of his list. He didn’t care that every sign pointed to their UnSub being benevolent towards women, especially younger ones, that she fit his daughter’s description. Spencer didn’t care, he wanted her as far away from that gun as possible.

His heart lurched into his throat when Bobbie did in fact make a lunge for her, just not the way he’d feared. Because she had grabbed him. She’d pulled him into an embrace, a hug, kind and sweet as she always was.

Spencer cursed her for being so soft. It was going to get her killed.

“Agent,” His voice was terse, worried if you dug a little deeper than the sharp surface, but she didn’t listen to him. She held Bobbie tight as the man unravelled on her shoulder, falling into heart breaking sobs and it was then Spencer realised she was crying with him.

“It’s going to be okay, you’re okay,” She was shushing him, the killer, reassuring him he was safe, as if the killing thing wasn’t still between his fingers that clutched at her back with rough hands.

“They killed my girl, they took her from me, and then they laughed about it,” He wailed, and she nodded, squeezing him even tighter if that was so possible, “No one would listen, the police didn’t listen, I had to do something,”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry,” This was wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be sympathising with the criminals. But she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help the gasping urge to comfort the man who had lost his whole world, “I’m listening. Tell me about her,”

“She was so beautiful,” Bobbie whimpered, sniffling into her shoulder. Spencer felt his chest twinge at the scene. He hated that she was so soft. “She never hurt a soul,”

She cried with him, though hers were choked down as much as she could get them, her wet cheeks the only proof she had ever let them slip.

“I’m sorry,” She said again, because no matter how many times she repeated those two little words, it would never bring his daughter back, “I can help you,”

He pulled away from her shoulder, and it was only then that Bobbie Wrids even noticed Spencer, his face taut in anxiety as he watched the man’s hands still holding onto her body as if she was the only thing that kept him upright, which Spencer wouldn’t be surprised if it were true.

He fished the cuffs out of his back pocket, his finger never leaving the trigger as he stared down at their UnSub cautiously. He knew he may be being cruel, knew that ten years ago he would be just as caring as her. But that Spencer was long gone. And what remained was screaming in terror that she was in the line of danger, that she was holding the danger in her bare hands like she didn’t see the jeopardy she was putting herself in.

Bobbie pulled away to look at her, the creases around his eyes deep chasms, and even with the smattering of grey hair, the stubble, the cold, empty look of someone with nothing left, she thought he might have been a handsome man once. He looked at her with a ghost of a smile, and one of his callused hands came up to tuck her hair behind her ear as if it had been second nature to him for eighteen years.

“You’re a sweet girl,” He murmured, and she blinked at him, her chest easing at the way his wails had subsided into something quiet. She could help him, she swore she would help him. He was a good man beneath it all. “But no one can help me anymore, sweet girl,”

And with that he lifted the pistol beneath his chin and pulled the trigger.

—

She heard someone scream before she realised it was coming from her own throat, but her ears were ringing and she couldn’t open her eyes. Her face was wet and hot, and for a second she thought it was tears, but she was beyond crying now. She felt arms pulling her back into a strong chest, and someone was murmuring to her, or perhaps they were speaking normally and the sound of the gunshot had knocked her hearing. Either way, it was like someone had pulled a bag over her head as she brought her shaking hands up to her eyes to wipe.

She managed to crack her lids then when the sludge was gone, only to see the room still a blurry mess. She could make out, in the haze of blobs and crimson tint, Bobbie’s body slumped to the floor, a dark puddle seeping into the rug as those long arms tugged her out of the room. She only then looked down to her hands where she had rubbed her face and she caught the same claret plasma coating her fingers, her white shirt, her pants, her arms. It covered her head to toe.

It was in her eyes, she realised when she saw the ichor coating her fingertips. It was blocking her vision, turning the world a vivid wine colour, and she thinks she whimpered, or perhaps it was a moan of horror seeing the puddle beneath Bobbie’s body growing larger by the second.

“I don’t understand,” She said out loud, her head spinning, and she brought her fingertips up to her eyes again, maybe to get the blood out, god there was so much blood on her face, or maybe because she hoped to everything out there that she would clear her sight and find it all a terrible hallucination, the product of one too many nights of sleepless tossing.

But when she rubbed her lids again, this time seeing the scene a little better, Bobbie was still dead. She had still been too late.

“You’re in shock, you need to breathe,” A voice instructed her over her shoulder, and it was from the same person who had their hands around her waist, pulling her away from the crime scene, as CSI filed in from behind them.

She tried pushing the arms off her, weak because she couldn’t feel anything that wasn’t the horror in her stomach, and it took her a second before she listened to their words and realised she was holding a breath in her chest, the way a toddler does when they’re overwhelmed.

“I don’t-” She gasped, the air rushing through her lungs, so fast it made her cough, “I don’t understand, I was going to help him- I don’t understand- why?”

“I know, just breathe for me, sweetheart,” Spencer. She only just realised it was Spencer speaking, because he had never called her that and the gentle tone he’d taken was nothing like his usual, civil cadence. He had been dropping a few jokes the past few weeks since she’d driven him home, had been more touchy feely with correcting her form when she was at the shooting range, had delicately touched the small of her back when they were navigating a crowd together. He was slowly cracking from his statuesque expression that hadn’t left his face since he’d gotten out of prison, but the softness with which he held her waist was entirely new.

“Spencer, I don’t- I don’t get it,” She said, her voice bubbling into a sob as she allowed herself to be pulled away with no fight left in her. He took her into the hallway, turning her body from the sight of his hand lifeless on the floor with little to no effort. She was damn near limp in his arms, “Spencer, I don’t under-understand, I was going to h-help him, why would h-he do that-”

“Shhh, you need to breathe,” He murmured into her hair, trying to lead her out the front of the building and far away from where she’d just been front row seats to a messy suicide, “Come on, just breathe for me, baby, and then we can talk,”

But she wasn’t listening, and he wasn’t offended. Spencer knew it was the shock. He knew the symptoms by how her respiratory system had picked up in a matter of seconds and it was like she had gone from zero to a hundred. She let out a long whine, tears collecting the blood on her lash line and her chest seized into action, gulping down air, too short to do anything for her lungs, and her legs began to buckle beneath the two of them.

Spencer stopped in the hallway, realising she was in more shock than he must have thought. He knew she was sensitive, hell it was one of his favourite things about her. He knew she felt everything so deeply, burned too easily, like a daisy wilting in a dry heat, or candyfloss melting in his mouth. Spencer knew, as awful as watching death up close was for any agent, it would hit her hardest of all of them.

He moved around to her front, his hands migrating from her waist up to her shoulders, brushing over her upper arms soothingly. But her body felt numb, her head felt heavy, and her eyes were glazed over, down a rabbit hole entirely away from him, even when one of his hands cupped her wetted cheek gently.

“Just breathe, hey, look at me,” He tried a firmer tone, and she bent to his will too easily. It was a punch in the gut seeing everything shining and pretty leached out of her eyes, as if she had become soulless in a matter of minutes, as if she had lost all hope in the world the second Bobbie pulled that trigger. She looked like hell, blood still fresh on her cheeks, in her hair, smeared around her eye sockets where she had scrubbed so hard to get it off her skin, “You need to calm down, you’re going to faint if you don’t breathe,”

She nodded, or something close to it, her eyes falling down to the floor, and she seemed to wrestle for control over her chest then. But what came after was worse, Spencer thought. Her brows screwed together, her eyes welling up with more of those fat tears, and her lips dropping into a devastated pout, her eyes trailing over the mess on her uniform, on her hands.

“Spencer, I don’t understand, I tried to help him, I wanted to help him,” She sobbed, sniffling to herself miserably, and he barely even thought about it when he pulled her into his chest, not caring that her skin would dirty his shirt.

His hand wound into her hair, stroking her sweetly as she buried her wails into his vest. He used his other arm to pull her close to him, which she seemed to have zero qualms about as she clawed at his back to keep him close, as if she didn’t want to face what was going to happen when they left that building.

Spencer regretted ever thinking her sunshine was too bright for him.

–

She hadn’t smiled in a whole week. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She had given Penny a very forced smile when she had fussed over the younger woman the first day she got back, had said thankyou with downcast eyes and a fragile grin when the blonde presented her with a framed picture of a puppy to keep on her desk ‘incase she needed something nice to think about,’

She hadn’t looked at it once, because they both knew it wouldn’t do anything, no matter how much she pretended for Penelope’s sake that she would put it to good use.

He had taken her out for coffee on him that first day, but by the time they had got to the front of the queue, he had been doing almost all of the talking, which had become rare nowadays since he had come home from Mexico. Usually, it had been her filling the silences, because he knew in her right mind she hated the sound of static nothingness, she found it awkward and unnecessary when she could talk to anyone without thinking about it too hard.

They had got to the desk, the barista smiling up at him as he ordered his usual, before he turned to look at her as the woman serving asked her what she would like. But she wasn’t listening, she was watching out the window, nothing particularly invigorating beside a bird cleaning its feathers on top of a stop sign.

He said her name, putting his hand on her back and her head whipped around, her eyes empty as they looked up at him expectantly, “What do you want to drink?”

She blinked, waking herself from a stupor, and looked at the barista with an embarrassed expression, “Hot chocolate, please,”

And that was all she really had to say until lunch rolled around, and she excused herself to head home early. Emily smiled at her reassuringly, her eyes wary as she watched their happy-go-lucky rookie head for the elevators with a desolate look in her eyes.

Spencer hoped she would come around on her own, or maybe even be brave enough to talk to someone about the thoughts rattling around that head of hers, but she just didn’t. She stayed as silent as possible, only ever speaking when spoken to, asking Emily if she could finish off her reports at home, to which the Prentiss woman never protested.

But Spencer had had enough. He’d worried himself sick over her, and where all thoughts of how endearing and lovely and charming she was had sat in his head before, now it was all just ways he could think to make her smile again.

It was the following Tuesday by the time he braved action. She had gone home after their midday briefing, apologising to Emily with tired eyes that seemed to be growing more and more heavy by the day, like she hadn’t slept a wink in a fortnight. Which Spencer thought was entirely possible.

He pulled up to the house Penelope had not so discreetly told him was hers, definitely not because he’d asked, and definitely, definitely not breaching any human resource policies about distributing fellow workers information (meaning Spencer had almost certainly not begged Penelope for the address with those puppy eyes of his he knew could bag him anything).

The peonies in the window bays were wilting but her house was something out of a fairytale. He wasn’t sure why he was really so surprised. It screamed her, everything about it, from the toadstool post box to the little green, cast iron bench that sat in the garden, the metal forged to look like florets of ivy holding the sitter upright.

He rapped the brass knocker, the metal cold under his long fingers. Brushing invisible dirt off his shirt, he hoped she would answer as the present squirmed at his feet.

“Just a second,” He hushed, and as if she heard him, the front door swung open to reveal her bare face he hadn’t seen since he’d helped her wipe the blood from her skin in the back of the ambulance.

She looked at him with furrowed brows, before they quickly shot to the floor, to her cobbled pathway that had clicked under his shoes, and her face washed with a shock.

“Oh my god, Spencer!” She crouched to her knees, a slobbery lick immediately meeting her cheek as the Spaniel rubbed his wet nose up to her ear, sniffing her unique smell, as if it was a bag of Class A’s, “I never knew you had a dog,”

“I don’t,” He replied, kneeling with her to ruffle the soft fur behind the canine’s ear, “This is Ace. He retired from the Bomb Unit a month ago and Penelope sent me his handler’s number. They said he’s the happiest dog in the world,”

“I would be too if I stopped so many people from blowing up,” She said, but before he could ask what she meant exactly by that, Ace had jumped up and attacked her entire face with kisses as if he too thought that statement was worth silencing.

And she laughed. She laughed louder than she had in days, weeks, her eyes crinkling in joy as the little pink tongue stole away her sorrow, tickled away the traces of the blood that had tainted her skin.

Spencer smiled, his eyes watching her face scrunch in a squeal, hands eventually coming up to the elderly dog’s jowls to gently push him down.

“Oh, you are the sweetest guy,” She said, and the words had him tugging at the leash to lick her all over again, “Yes you are, you’re the sweetest little guy around, huh?”

She chuckled, scratching down the mutt’s neck, and her eyes flicked back up to Spencer, who watched her with more intent than she’d realised.

“Petting and receiving affection from pets causes spikes in serotonin in our brain and reduces anxiety, did you know that?” Spencer said, Ace pushing his muzzle into the palm of her hand to prove a point.

Her smile wavered slightly, and she looked at his hazel hues that seemed to see right through her, “Look, I’m sorry I’ve been so off lately, I just can’t sleep at the moment-”

“Don’t apologise,” He cut in, though his tone was kind, and the two of them stood back up to their full height, “What happened was horrifying, even some of the longest serving agents I know would struggle seeing that,”

She scoffed, unusually pessimistic coming out of her mouth, “You wouldn’t,”

His head tilted, not quite understanding what she meant, because she hadn’t sounded cruel when she said it. Then again, he didn’t think she was actually capable of that emotion.

She looked at him, a flash of something vulnerable in her eyes, something like that day he’d held her in the hallway; too fast he almost missed it.

“You’re so brave, Spencer, you’re like invincible. I mean, you survived prison and your mom getting kidnapped and you bounced straight back to work like it was nothing. I can’t even watch a murderer die without spiralling out of control,” She huffed, rubbing the bridge of her nose and before he could respond on just how wrong she was, before he could tell her that that was exactly the opposite of what had happened because he had damn near changed every inch of himself in prison to stop himself from breaking, he caught her murmuring and he thought he might just have been punched all over again, “I wish I was like you,”

His jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowing into a frown as he stepped towards her, and her head shot to him, worried she may have said the wrong thing by mentioning everything that had happened, everything Pen had specifically said was a touchy subject, and she opened her mouth to apologise.

“Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that you are nothing like me?” Spencer said, his voice bordering on furious and her fumbled for a reply, worried she had truly pissed him off.

She wouldn’t blame him for hating her. She’d always worried, until perhaps that day they’d gotten into her car and she’d driven him home, that her very essence annoyed him.

“I’m sorry-” She started, but he shook his head.

“Stop apologising,” He said, his hand reaching up to grab where her fingers tugged together nervously, his hold featherlike, his face softening when he saw her expression, “I don’t want you to be anything like me. I like you just how you are,”

She sighed, eyes doe like with emotion as she looked at him, “Really?”

He smiled, a rare and genuine smile as she seemed to glow under his words, “Yes, really.” Spencer allowed himself to enjoy the way that the twinkle returned to her expression when he smiled at her with something almost like the old Spencer in him, before he cleared his throat, “We all like you. Everyone on the team likes how you are,”

She paused, nodding to herself as if knocking herself out of a silly daze, and Ace bounced on his hind legs trying to get her attention again.

“You don’t think I’m too sensitive?” She asked, holding her palm out for the dog to nuzzle at with that wet nose of his.

Spencer shook his head, “Sensitive is good. It means you feel something. Means you feel the good things deeper too,”

Her smile was blinding, because she’d never thought of it that way before, and she looked like her old self again. Spencer wasn’t stupid enough to think she was never going to think about Bobbie again, he still thought about that first UnSub he’d tried to save. He still thought about Tobias Hankel. He thought about them all.

But he was going to make sure she never turned into him. He didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself if she did. He’d protect her sunlight even if it burned him to know he could never have her the way he wanted. Because she was everything good, and he was him.

She looked down at Ace, the life returning to her as she stood aside for the two of them to enter her house, “Tea?”

Yep. Spencer felt something run hot knowing she would always be out of reach. Didn’t stop him from thinking about it, though.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #dr spencer reid #Post Prison!Spencer Reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #matthew grey gubler x reader

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gyutopia · 3 months

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bad habits | sim jaeyun + yang jungwon

ꕤ DESCRIPTION: Sim Jaeyun will always have a part of your heart; he was the first man you ever loved and the first man to ever break your heart. Yang Jungwon however, was the first man to ever sacrifice for you and your happiness. Now that you have Jake, you can’t help but wonder if you’ve made a catastrophic mistake.

❥ PAIRING: boyfriend!jake x f!reader & situationship!jungwon

❥ GENRE: slice of life!au, college!au

❥ WORD COUNT: 17.6k

⟶ WARNINGS: soft dom!jake, sub!reader, oral (f!receiving), p in v intercourse, underaged drinking, swearing, possessive!jungwon, mentions of sobriety, heartbreak, mentions of smoking and drugs, cheating, let me know if i missed anything !

ꕤ A/N: this is the continuation of overpass graffiti…can you tell i’m an ed sheeran lover? :)

“Am I doing something wrong?” Jake asks as he lifts his head from your core.

It’s currently around three in the morning, you woke up a few minutes ago unable to find any peace in your dreams and after constantly tossing and turning, you accidentally woke up Jake who tried luring you back to sleep with a kiss which quickly escalated to heavily making out and him making his way down south.

You whine, tugging at his hair and encourage him to continue. “What makes you think you could possibly be doing something wrong?”

“You look like you’d prefer to be anywhere else.” Rather than continuing like you had told him to, Jake lets one finger graze the length of your pussy, teasing your entrance slowly to try and turn you on again after realizing you were no longer wet. “What are you thinking of, love?”

Your thoughts instantly fly back to what has been plaguing your mind for the past four days and you immediately push his hands away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jake watches you fix your pajamas which consist of his oversized shirt and boxers before pulling the sheets over your body. He follows after you, waiting for an explanation. When you say nothing, he speaks up.

“Hey, no more secrets, remember?”

He slides an arm around your waist and pulls you in closer to his body. You inhale deeply at the reminder of your words. You sigh, chewing on your lip as you try to form a sentence without possibly upsetting him.

“I know it’s just…” You trail off and try to think through your emotions. You want to be upfront with him and let him know what you’re truly thinking and feeling but you barely know how to process it yourself let alone let someone else know what’s going on in your mind.

“I don’t know how to put it into words yet.”

“If you’re not ready to talk about it,” He pulls back to offer you a lopsided smile and places a kiss on your cheek, “It’s fine. Tell me whenever you are.”

Hesitantly, you nod; kissing his cheek before turning around and letting him spoon you. As you feel him drift into sleep, the weight of his arm slumping completely over your waist, your thoughts fly back to four nights ago, when your life seemingly took a drastic turn.

After Jake professed his love to you in the rain on Newbury street, the two of you took an uber back to his dorm to dry off and talk about the logistics of your relationship. It completely slipped your mind to tell your friends where you had disappeared off to and it didn’t help that your phone had died on the way to your destination.

You were once again so wrapped up in Sim Jaeyun that you were throwing caution to the wind and yet again placing him above yourself and others in your life. It wasn’t until six hours after you had arrived at his did you bother to charge your phone. Once the device turned on, the text messages came swarming in.

[November 18th, 2:17 PM]

[jungwon]: are you on your way?

[jungwon]: the rain is coming down hard i can meet you halfway if you want. i brought an extra umbrella just in case ^-^

[November 18th, 3:27 PM]

[jungwon]: y/n? i’m getting concerned it’s pouring

[jungwon]: are you okay?

[November 18th, 5:45 PM]

[jungwon]: avi told me about jake

[jungwon]: seriously y/n? you went back to that jerk??

[November 18th, 5:48 PM]

[avi]: you just couldn’t help yourself huh?

[avi]: i hope jake was worth it lol

[November 18th, 5:50 PM]

[beomgyu]: :/

[beomgyu]: the least you could do is respond to jungwons texts.

[November 18th, 6:53 PM]

[avi]: do you plan on ignoring all of us?

[avi]: at least let us know you’re okay.

[November 18th, 6:55 PM]

[jungwon]: i’m sorry for getting mad earlier but please let me know you’re okay y/n

[jungwon]: i’m worried.

[jungwon]: we don’t have to talk about jake just pls let me know where you are

[November 18th, 6:59 PM]

[avi to-toilet texters]: i’m done with the private messages

[avi to-toilet texters]: where are you y/n this isn’t funny.

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: we’re not mad we just want to make sure you’re okay

[November 18th, 7:39 PM]

[avi to-toilet texters]: shit guys i’m scared

[avi to-toilet texters]: should we call the cops?

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: wait let’s try her location first

[avi to-toilet texters]: …do you seriously think jungwon and i haven't tried that already?

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: fuck

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: i’m sorry i’m just freaking out this isn’t like her

[jungwon to-toilet texters]: i just checked all over campus

[jungwon to-toilet texters]: she’s not here

[avi to-toilet texters]: fuck

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: fuck

[avi to-toilet texters]: this is the jake effect.

[avi to-toilet texters]: he shows up for two seconds and now look

[beomgyu to-toilet texters]: avi…

To say you were embarrassed would be an understatement. You quickly responded to the groupchat letting them know about your whereabouts and the circumstances as to why it took you so long to get back to them. None of them were pleased.

Apparently, Jungwon and Beomgyu were only a minute away from marching down to the police station to file a missing persons report. Avi didn’t hold back her anger and annoyance with you. The second you responded to the group chat with your measly apology she was calling you and going in over the phone.You shiver as you think back to her cold words.

"You've really done it this time, haven't you?" she snaps, her tone cutting through the air like a knife. "I can't believe you'd be so reckless, so selfish. And for what? For that jerk?"

Her words strike a nerve, a pang of guilt twisting in your chest as you struggle to find the right response. But before you can gather your thoughts, Avi's tirade continues, her voice growing more heated with each passing moment.

"You're no better than him, you know," she continues, her words heavy with disdain. "Hurting Jungwon like that, just to chase after some guy who doesn't give a damn about you? You two deserve each other."

The weight of her words hangs heavy in the air, a painful reminder of the rift between you and your friends.

"I'm sorry, Avi," you whisper, your voice barely above a whisper. "I never meant to hurt anyone. But please, try to understand..."

But before you can finish, Avi cuts you off, her voice cold and dismissive. “Try to understand? ____, Jungwon was ready to call the cops!"

You wince at her words, the guilt weighing heavily on your shoulders. "I-I'm sorry, Avi," you stammer, your voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to worry you guys. It's just... things got complicated."

"Complicated?" Avi scoffs, her disbelief evident. "You mean you were too wrapped up in Sim Jaeyun to even bother letting us know you were okay?"

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you listen to her words, the reality of the situation hitting you like a punch to the gut. "I'm sorry," you repeat, your voice trembling with emotion. "I didn't mean to hurt you guys. I just... I needed some time to figure things out."

"I don't want to hear it," she snaps, her tone final. "Jungwon didn’t deserve what you did to him. You deserve the inevitable pain that comes with Jake."

With that, she ended the call, leaving you reeling in the aftermath of her anger. That was four days ago. Out of shame you’ve been hiding out in Jake’s dorm, too embarrassed to even show your face on your own campus. Jake, having heard the heated conversation from his seated position next to you on his couch, offered to let you sleep over until Avi cooled down and you felt more comfortable to go home.

But as the days come to pass you don’t think you’ll ever be ready to go back home. If there even is a home for you to go back to. Every night you fall asleep thinking of your friends and how you’ve messed things up, how they’re doing, if they miss you as much as you miss them, if they’ll ever forgive you. Especially Jungwon.

He just won’t leave your thoughts. You wake up thinking of him and fall asleep dreaming of him. You know eventually you’ll have to man up and make amends with him but a part of you fears you’ve messed up too greatly this time. That Jungwon no longer wants anything to do with you and you can’t blame him for that.

You led him on and let him hold onto the false narrative of the two of you becoming something only to leave him in the dust once Jake came around. There’s an unsettling feeling bubbling up in your chest as you once again analyze your decisions.

You’re happy with Jake, right? This is what you’ve always wanted and yet you have this gut feeling you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life.

“You’re thinking too loudly, babe, please go to sleep.” Jake mumbles while yawning, pulling you closer. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

You hope so, too.

Present day | November 22nd

“Wake up!”

The sound of Jay's cheerful voice breaks through the haze of sleep, pulling you from the comfort of Jake's embrace. With a soft groan, you bury your face deeper into the warmth of the blankets, reluctant to leave the cocoon you've found.

"Wake up sleepy heads!" Jay's voice calls again, this time accompanied by the gentle shake of your shoulder.

Reluctantly, you peel open your eyes, blinking against the intrusion of light filtering in through the window. Jake stirs beside you, his arm tightening around your waist in a silent bid for you to stay a little longer.

But with a sigh, you muster the strength to sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you glance at Jay with a sheepish smile. "Morning," you mumble, your voice thick with sleep.

Jay grins back at you, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he gestures towards the clock on the wall. "Come on, you two. Sunghoon and Heeseung are waiting, and I made breakfast!"

The mention of food perks up Jake's interest, and he shoots you a playful grin before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. "You heard the man," he says, his voice laced with excitement. "Let's go eat!"

With a shared laugh, you and Jake follow Jay out of the bedroom and into the cozy kitchenette of their dorm. The scent of freshly cooked pancakes fills the air, mingling with the aroma of brewing coffee as Jay sets the table with an infectious energy.

As you settle down to breakfast with Jake and Jay, the warmth of their friendship washes over you, bringing you genuine joy with their connection.

As you sip your coffee and dig into the delicious pancakes Jay prepared, you find yourself reflecting on the bond you've been forming with him over the past couple of days. It wasn’t easy at first, considering the tension that arose between him and Beomgyu at the party. But Jay's sincere apology and explanation about his protective nature towards Jake helped to ease the tension.

You remember how he had approached you two days ago, a sheepish smile on his face as he apologized for his near fight with Beomgyu. His explanation had made sense, and his genuine remorse had been evident. Jay's willingness to take responsibility for his actions had impressed you, and it had been the first step towards building trust between you.

And then, there was his joke about nearly stealing you away from Jake at the party, a playful comment that had brought a smile to your lips. Despite the initial awkwardness between you, Jay's sense of humor had helped to break the ice and pave the way for a more comfortable interaction.

As you glance at Jay now, chatting animatedly with Jake as they discuss their plans for the day, you can't help but feel grateful for his presence in your life. His friendship has become an unexpected source of support and laughter, adding a new dynamic to your relationship with Jake.

With a newfound sense of appreciation for the friendship blossoming between you and Jay, you join in the conversation, eagerly anticipating the group hang out with Sunghoon and Heeseung.

With a curious glint in your eyes, you turn to Jay and Jake, the question lingering on the tip of your tongue. "What are Heeseung and Sunghoon like?" you inquire, eager to learn more about their friends.

Jay's grin widens at your question, his enthusiasm contagious. "Heeseung’s the mood maker," he begins, his voice filled with admiration. "He's the most social out of all of us and always knows how to keep the energy up."

Jake nods in agreement, a fond smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, Heeseung is on the basketball team, and he's got this natural charm that draws people to him," he adds. "You'll love him."

“As for Sunghoon," Jay continues, his expression thoughtful, "he's a bit more reserved at first, but when you get to know him, he's a certified yapper. Once he warms up, he's got a lot to say."

Jake snorts, “yeah, if you thought I was bad Sunghoon’s worse, don’t get him started on Yeji or anything skating related he’ll never shut up.”

You perk up at the mention of another girl, “Yeji? Is that his girlfriend?”

Jay nearly spits out his coffee and Jake doubles over from the force of his laughter.

You frown. “What, did I say something wrong?”

Jake shakes his head and wraps his arm around your shoulder to bring you in, “No baby, Yeji is his little sister.”

Your mouth makes an O shape as it sinks in why they were so amused, “my bad.” You sheepishly murmur.

Jay wipes away a tear of laughter as he recovers, still chuckling. "No worries, happens to the best of us."

Jake gives you a reassuring squeeze before releasing you. "Yeah, Sunghoon practically worships the ground his little sister walks on," he explains, his laughter subsiding into a warm smile. "You'll see what we mean when you meet him."

With the misunderstanding cleared up, you finish up breakfast with Jake and Jay, the lively conversation and laughter filling the small kitchenette. As the last of the dishes are washed and dried, you make your way back to Jake's room to get ready for the day ahead.

As you rummage through your limited selection of clothes, Jake enters the room with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I've got something for you," he says, holding up a small shopping bag.

Curious, you peek inside to find a Harvard hoodie nestled within. It's maroon with the school's name printed on the front with its emblem up in the corner. You stare at the hoodie, not sure what to make of it. "Jake, you didn't have to..."

He cuts you off with a grin. "I wanted to," he insists, his eyes warm with affection. “I have a matching one, plus if you do decide to transfer you need to have a Harvard hoodie, it’s a rite of passage here!”

Your hum as your mind flashes back to the conversation you had with Jake a few days ago.

You were walking through Harvard’s campus on your way to his dorm. The imposing, ivy-covered buildings made you feel out of place, a stark reminder that this had once been your dream school.

"I still can't believe you're here," you had said, half in awe and half in melancholy. "I used to imagine myself walking these paths every day."

Jake had looked at you, his expression serious. "You could still be here, you know. Transferring is always an option."

You had laughed then, a little bitterly. "It's not that simple, Jake. I have friends at Northeastern, a life... And Harvard feels so far away now."

Jake had stopped walking, turning to face you. "But if it makes you happy, isn't it worth considering? We could be together, and you'd finally be living your dream."

You had sighed, looking away. "I don't know, Jake. It's a lot to think about."

Shaking off the memory, you manage a small smile, touched nonetheless by the sentiment of his gift. "Thanks, Jake. I appreciate it," you say, your mind still swirling with conflicting emotions. On one hand, the thought of transferring to Harvard, being with Jake, and starting fresh is appealing. But on the other hand, the guilt of potentially betraying Avi, Jungwon, and Beomgyu tugs at your heart. They were your first friends here, and you can’t picture a life where they’re not in it.

As you slip on the hoodie, a comfortable warmth spreads through you, though it does little to ease the turmoil inside. Jake watches you, his smile faltering slightly as he notices your pensive expression.

"Hey," he says softly, breaking the silence. "Have you given it any more thought? Transferring, I mean."

You take a deep breath, turning to face him. "Honestly, no. I haven't really had the chance to think it through."

Jake's face softens, and he steps closer, taking your hands in his. "I understand. It's a big decision. But can you promise me one thing?"

"What?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Promise me that you'll at least think about it. Not for me, but for yourself. You deserve to follow your dreams, and I don't want you to have any regrets."

You look into his earnest eyes, feeling a mix of gratitude and guilt. "I promise, Jake. I'll think about it."

He smiles, squeezing your hands gently. "That's all I ask."

You take another deep breath, pushing aside your worries for now. "Ready to go meet your friends?" you ask, trying to keep your voice light.

Jake nods, his smile widening. "Yeah, they're excited to meet you. The MFA is going to be amazing."

You grab your tote bag and head towards the door with him once he finishes getting dressed. As you step out into the hallway, you can't help but glance back at the dorm room you've been staying in, wondering how long you'll be caught between two worlds.

You join Jay in the living room, where he's waiting with the keys to his car in hand. "Ready to go?" he asks, flashing you a grin.

You nod eagerly, excitement bubbling within you as you anticipate the day ahead. With a final glance around the room, you follow Jay and Jake out of the dorm and into the chilly afternoon, ready to meet the people Jake considers his closest friends now.

As you pile into Jay's car, the excitement in the air is palpable. Jake takes the driver's seat, you settle into the passenger side, and Jay slides into the back, sandwiched between you. The engine roars to life, and with a grin from Jake, the car pulls out onto the road.

The ride is short but lively, filled with laughter and playful banter as you share stories and jokes. The music blasts from the speakers, a mishmash of songs from all your playlists, creating the perfect soundtrack for the journey. You find yourself singing along to familiar tunes, feeling the carefree joy of the moment wash over you.

Before you know it, Jake is pulling into a parking spot near the Museum of Fine Arts, and you all pile out of the car, eager to explore the exhibits.

Heeseung and Sunghoon are already waiting by the ticket booth, chatting animatedly as they purchase the tickets for the group. Heeseung's infectious smile lights up his face as he catches sight of you, and he waves enthusiastically.

"Jay! Jake!" he calls out, his voice friendly and welcoming. "Glad you could make it. I've been looking forward to finally meeting the ever so famous, ____ ."

Jake returns his smile with one of his own. "Aye~ chill out." he replies, his tone filled with a hint of embarrassment.

Sunghoon joins in, his own smile warm and inviting. "Nice to meet you," he says, nodding in your direction. "Jake's been talking about you nonstop."

You chuckle at the teasing remark, feeling a sense of ease settle over you in their presence. Despite the nerves that come with meeting new people, Heeseung and Sunghoon's friendly demeanor puts you at ease, and you can't help but feel excited for the day ahead.

With tickets in hand, you all make your way into the museum, ready to immerse yourselves in the world of art and culture.

As your group strolls through the museum, the array of artwork captivates your attention. Jake and Sunghoon, engrossed in the intricate details of Japanese art, wander ahead, their conversation a mix of admiration and fascination. Jay, however, lags a bit behind, his steps deliberate as he scrutinizes each piece with a keen eye.

Meanwhile, Heeseung and you find yourselves falling into step, engaged in a conversation about Jake. Heeseung's relief is palpable as he expresses his happiness about the reconciliation between you and Jake.

"He's been so happy lately," Heeseung confides, his voice filled with genuine happiness for his friend. "I'm really glad you two made up. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders."

You nod in understanding. "Yeah, I'm glad we cleared the air. It feels good to be back on good terms."

Heeseung's smile widens, his eyes reflecting warmth. "You have no idea how much it means to him," he assures you.

You smile, not sure what to say in response. Sensing this Heeseung changes the topic.

“So, how do you like Boston?”

“It’s great! There’s so much to do. My friends and I love going to Newbury for the food festivals.” You say, a small smile on your face at the chance of talking about your friends.

Heeseung nods. “That sounds fun. Have you been to Allston yet? The kbbq there is incredible.”

“Not yet, but it’s on my list,” you reply. “Jake keeps promising to take me.”

Heeseung chuckles. “He’d better. It’s a must-see.”

As you continue walking through the museum, admiring the exhibits, a wave of guilt washes over you as you stare at the back of Jake’s head. Memories of the previous night flood your mind, the warmth of Jake's embrace juxtaposed with the lingering doubts about your feelings for Jungwon.

Caught between the past and the present, you struggle to push aside the nagging thoughts that something isn’t right.

Heeseung glances at you before clearing his throat to ask, “are you transferring to Harvard?”

Caught off guard, you shake your head. “Why do you ask?”

His eyes shift down to the hoodie and understanding dawns on you.

“Oh. No, it was a gift from Jake. I’m still at Northeastern.”

Heeseung nods thoughtfully. “Makes sense. But you know, if you did transfer, it would probably help Jake a lot.”

You furrow your brow in confusion. “Help him? How?”

Heeseung’s brows pinch together as he frowns, "his sobriety?”

The revelation hits you like a ton of bricks, leaving you momentarily speechless as you stop walking. You had no idea that Jake had ever struggled with substance abuse.

Heeseung's face slowly falls as he realizes his mistake, cursing softly under his breath as he realizes he's dropped a bombshell on you without warning. "I'm sorry," he says, his voice tinged with regret. "I shouldn't have just blurted that out like that, I thought he told you."

You shake your head, trying to process the newfound information while also feeling a pang of sympathy for Heeseung's evident discomfort. "No, it's okay," you assure him, offering a reassuring smile despite the whirlwind of emotions churning within you.

Heeseung's expression softens, gratitude evident in his eyes as he meets your gaze. "Thanks," he murmurs, a note of relief in his voice. "I’m sure he’ll tell you soon, he’s been meaning to."

You nod in understanding, the weight of Heeseung's words sinking in as you come to terms with the realization that there's still so much about Jake's life that you don't know. "I'll wait for him to bring it up," you promise.

With a grateful smile, Heeseung bumps you on the shoulder before turning to rejoin the rest of the group, leaving you alone with your thoughts amidst the bustling museum crowds.

As the group continues to explore the museum, you find it increasingly difficult to focus on the artwork around you. You think about Jake’s struggles and the possibility of transferring to Harvard. While the idea of being there to support him is compelling, you can’t ignore the nagging guilt about Avi, Jungwon, and Beomgyu. They’ve always been there for you, and you don’t want to let them down by choosing Jake yet again.

Despite the vibrant chatter and laughter of your friends, you feel a growing sense of unease gnawing at your conscience.

When Jake suggests grabbing some food from El Jefe, your stomach churns with conflicting emotions. The prospect of spending more time with your newfound friends is enticing, but the memories of late nights at that very restaurant with Jungwon after studying all night fills you with sadness.

As you follow the group out of the museum and into the chilly streets of Boston, you realize just how close you are to your dorm. A pang of sadness tugs at your heart as you remember Avi and Beomgyu as well, wondering what they’re up to. The thought of facing them again fills you with apprehension, yet a part of you longs for the familiarity of their company.

As you approach El Jefe, the scent of delicious Mexican food wafts through the air, tempting your taste buds but as you guys gather around a table, eagerly discussing the meal choices, you find yourself hesitating.

"I think I'm gonna pass on lunch," you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper as you address Jake and the others. "I... I need to take care of something."

Jake's brow furrows with concern as he meets your gaze, sensing the sudden shift in your demeanor. "Are you okay?" he asks, his voice filled with genuine worry.

You force a smile, though it feels strained on your lips. "Yeah, I'll be fine," you assure him, though the lie tastes bitter in your mouth.

Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon exchange puzzled glances, sensing the tension in the air. But before anyone can question you further, you push back your chair and rise to your feet, the need for solitude outweighing the discomfort of their curious stares.

"Sorry, I just... I need to talk to someone," you explain vaguely, not wanting to burden them with the weight of your emotions.

Jake's expression softens with understanding, and he nods in silent acknowledgment of your unspoken plea. "Take all the time you need," he says gently, reaching out to squeeze your hand in a silent gesture of support.

With a grateful smile, you offer him a nod before turning on your heel and making your way out of the restaurant, the familiar ache of loneliness lingering in your chest.

First, you head to Wollaston's to buy cherry gummy bears for Jungwon. The bright, familiar packaging gives you a momentary sense of comfort, a small reminder of the inside jokes and shared moments with your friends.

With the gummy bears safely tucked into your bag, you make your way to your dorm room, your heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and anxiety.

Taking a deep breath, you push open the door and step into the lit hallway, the sound of your footsteps echoing against the walls. With each step, the tension in your shoulders mounts, the anticipation of facing Avi after so long weighing heavily on your mind.

Finally, you reach your dorm and let yourself in. You spot Avi’s shoes at the entrance, proving she’s home, but you find the little living room and kitchen empty, meaning she’s in her room. You walk up to her door and pause for a moment, gathering your thoughts before raising your hand to knock. The seconds tick by agonizingly slow, the silence stretching between you like a chasm.

Then, the door swings open, and there she stands, with her piercing gaze and arms crossed tightly across her chest. The tension in the air is palpable as you meet her eyes, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy between you.

“Avi, can we talk?” you ask softly, stepping into the room.

Avi looks down, her eyes narrowing when she notices the Harvard hoodie. “What do you want?” she asks, her tone guarded.

“I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be,” you start, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been so wrapped up in Jake that I’ve neglected you and everyone else. I’m really sorry.”

Avi’s eyes flicker with uncertainty. “You’re wearing a Harvard hoodie. Are you already planning to leave us?”

“No,” you say quickly, shaking your head. “It was a gift from Jake. He talked to me about transferring, but I don’t want to leave my friends. You all mean too much to me.”

Avi studies you for a moment, her expression softening just a bit. “It feels like you’ve already left us, though.”

“I know,” you admit, feeling the sting of her words. “And I’m really sorry. I’ve been a terrible friend. But I want to make it right.”

Before Avi can respond, you hear a familiar voice from behind her. “She’s telling the truth, Avi,” Beomgyu says, coming into view. He’s sitting on the other side of her bed, partially hidden by her fugue. “She seems sincere.”

You turn to Beomgyu, your heart aching. “I’m so sorry, Beomgyu. I’ve been awful to you all, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m asking for it anyway. Please, give me a chance to make things right.”

Beomgyu looks at Avi, who sighs and nods slightly. He then turns back to you. “It’s going to take time, but I think we can give you that chance.”

Relief floods through you, and you feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “Thank you. I promise I’ll do better.”

Avi gets up and walks over to you, pulling you into a hesitant hug. “Just don’t disappear on us again, okay?”

You nod, hugging her tightly. “I won’t. I promise.”

Beomgyu joins the hug, and for a moment, the three of you stand there, holding onto each other. When you finally pull away, you wipe your eyes and smile.

Avi breaks the silence with a question that catches you off guard. "So, how are things with Jake?" she asks, her tone hesitant yet curious.

Avi's question lingers in the air, and you take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding. "Things with Jake... they're actually going better than I thought," you admit, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "I've met all of his friends, and they're actually really sweet."

Avi's eyebrows raise in surprise, though there's a hint of skepticism in her expression. "Really? Even Jay?" she asks, her voice laced with doubt.

You nod, feeling a pang of guilt at the mention of Jay's name. "Yeah, even Jay," you confirm. "He's been... really nice to me." You turn to Beomgyu. “He even apologized for how he came at you at the party. I'm sure if he saw you again, he'd apologize to you as well.”

Beomgyu nods softly and shrugs. “Water under the bridge? I'm glad you guys are getting along."

You offer Beomgyu a grateful smile before turning back to Avi. "I know we've got a lot to catch up on, but there's one more person I need to make amends with," you explain, your voice tinged with regret. "I need to talk to Jungwon."

Avi's expression softens at the mention of Jungwon's name, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Yeah, you do," she agrees quietly. "But take your time. He'll come around."

You nod and turn to Beomgyu who offers you a tight-lipped smile. “He should be in our room. He’s probably packing for Thanksgiving break,” Beomgyu offers as he lays back down on Avi’s bed. Your brows furrow at that.

“He’s going back to Korea?”

Beomgyu hums. “Said he needs the mental break.”

Avi sighs, sitting back down beside Beomgyu. “I was hoping we could all spend Thanksgiving together like we planned but I get he needs space.”

“I know,” you say, feeling a pang of guilt. “I didn’t realize things had gotten so bad for him.”

Beomgyu’s eyes soften. “He’s been really stressed. With everything that’s been happening, I think he just needs to get away and clear his head.”

“Maybe talking to him will help,” Avi suggests. “Even if he’s leaving, he deserves to know how much you care.”

You nod, taking a deep breath. “I hope so. I really don’t want to lose him as a friend.”

Beomgyu gives you a reassuring smile. “Just be honest with him. He’ll appreciate that, even if he’s still upset.”

“Thanks, Beomgyu,” you say softly. “I’m going to go talk to him now.”

Avi stands and gives you another quick hug. “Good luck. We’ll be here if you need us.”

With a nod, you leave Avi’s room and your dorm all together, your heart heavy. As you walk down the hallway towards Beomgyu and Jungwon’s shared dorm, your mind races with thoughts of how to approach Jungwon. The closer you get, the more you feel the weight of your actions and their impact on your friends.

When you reach your destination, the door is slightly ajar. You push it open gently and see Jungwon inside, methodically folding clothes and placing them into his suitcase in the living room. The sight of him packing feels like a punch to the gut, knowing that his departure is partly your fault.

“Jungwon,” you start tentatively, stepping inside.

He doesn’t look up, his movements precise and mechanical. “What do you want?”

“I came to apologize,” you say, holding out the gummy bears. “And I brought these. I know they’re your favorite.”

Jungwon glances at the gummy bears, then back to his suitcase. “You think gummy bears are going to fix this?”

“No,” you say quickly. “I just wanted to show you that I care. I’ve been a terrible friend, and I know I’ve hurt you.”

He finally stops packing and looks at you, his expression a mix of hurt and anger. “Do you even realize what you’ve done? It’s like we don’t matter to you.”

“That’s not true,” you say, your voice trembling. “You mean the world to me.”

Jungwon shakes his head. “If we meant so much to you, you wouldn’t have treated us like this. Do you know how it feels to watch the girl you’re in love with settle for some douchebag like Jake?”

Your breath catches. “Jungwon, I didn’t know…”

“Of course you didn’t,” he snaps. “Because you never took the time to see what was right in front of you. You were too busy chasing after Jake.”

“Jungwon, I…” you trail off, trying to find the right words. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He scoffs. “You didn’t mean to, but you did. Over and over again. And the worst part is, you don’t even see it. The way you so willingly left Avi, Beomgyu, and me behind for Jake is alarming. I never knew you were this self-absorbed.”

Tears well up in your eyes. “Jungwon, please. I’m trying to make things right.”

He sighs, looking more tired than angry now. “You can’t just come back and expect everything to be okay. It doesn’t work like that. It’s not fair.”

“I know,” you say, your voice breaking. “But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.”

Jungwon stares at you for a long moment. “If you want my forgiveness, you need to make a choice. Him or me.”

Your heart sinks. “Jungwon, please don’t make me choose.”

“I’m serious,” he says, his voice cold.

Desperate, you try to shift the conversation. “What about our Thanksgiving plans?”

Jungwon scoffs. “Spend it with Jake,” he retorts, his gaze flicking to the Harvard hoodie you’re wearing. “You know, the one who got you that hoodie. Remember when you said Harvard was your past and you were ready to focus on me and Northeastern? What a load of crap.”

You feel a surge of desperation. “Jungwon, please. I was confused. I didn’t know this would happen!”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” His voice rises, frustration clear. “That’s such bullshit! First you picked Jake over us, it was like a slap in the face. And now, you show up wearing that hoodie, like it’s some badge of honor.”

“It’s just a hoodie,” you protest weakly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything!” Jungwon shouts, slamming his suitcase shut. “It’s a symbol of all the times you put Jake first. You said you were done with Harvard, done with him being your priority, but here we are.”

“Jungwon, I’m sorry,” you plead, tears streaming down your face. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you, Avi, and Beomgyu. You’re my best friends.”

“Then why do you treat us like we’re second best?” he demands, his voice breaking. “Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie,” you whisper. “I was just… lost. Jake is my first love, and I got caught up in that. But you, Avi, and Beomgyu are my family. I don’t want to lose you.”

Jungwon’s expression softens for a brief moment, but then hardens again. “You already have,” he says quietly. “You’ve pushed me away too many times. I can’t trust you anymore.”

“What can I do?” you ask, desperation lacing your voice. “Tell me, and I’ll do it.”

“If you want my forgiveness, you need to make a choice. Him or me,” he repeats firmly.

“Jungwon, please,” you beg. “Don’t make me choose.”

“I’m serious,” he says, his voice cold. “I can’t watch you destroy yourself over Jake. So, make a choice.”

You stand there, speechless and trembling, the weight of his ultimatum pressing down on you. Jungwon looks away, his expression hardened. “Just go. I need to finish packing.”

Desperate and broken, you try one last time. “Jungwon, please…”

But he’s already turned his back on you, continuing to pack as if you aren’t there. With a heavy heart, you turn and leave the dorm, feeling more lost and alone than ever. As you walk down the hallway back to your room, the tears finally spill over, blurring your vision. The realization that you might have just lost one of your closest friends hits you hard.

The door to your dorm opens again, and Avi steps out, her face soft with concern. She takes one look at your tear-streaked face and pulls you into another hug, her grip tight and reassuring. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, her voice steady. “We’ll figure this out together.”

Beomgyu joins the two of you, “We’re here for you,” he says quietly. “No matter what happens.”

You take a shaky breath, still enveloped in Avi’s comforting embrace. “I don’t understand why Jungwon was so cold and closed off,” you say, your voice trembling, not used to being on the receiving end of his anger.

Avi pulls back slightly, enough to look you in the eyes. “It’s a given he’s upset. You’re important to him, and he feels hurt and betrayed. But that doesn’t mean he won’t come around. He just needs time.”

Beomgyu nods in agreement. “Jungwon’s always been the calm and understanding one, but everyone has their breaking point. He’s just reached his. Give him some space to process everything. He loves you too much to stay mad forever.”

You nod, feeling a glimmer of hope through the despair. “I just wish I hadn’t hurt him so badly.”

“We all make mistakes,” Avi says gently. “At least you’re trying to make up for it now.”

Beomgyu pats your shoulder. “Yeah, plus we’re here to help you.”

A small smile forms on your lips as you take in their words. “Thank you, both of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Avi squeezes your hand. “You don’t have to worry about that because we’re not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together.”

Feeling a bit lighter, you take a deep breath and straighten up. “I need to figure out how to fix things with Jungwon. But for now, I guess I should let him have his space.”

“That’s a good idea,” Beomgyu agrees. “Let him cool down. In the meantime, let’s focus on spending some time together. We’ve missed you.”

“Yeah,” Avi adds, her tone brightening. “Let’s do something fun.”

You smile, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders. “I’d like that. I’ve missed you guys too.”

With Avi and Beomgyu by your side, you start to walk back towards your bedroom.

November 28th | Thanksgiving Day

“This isn’t how I pictured Friendsgiving going.” Avi clears her throat, breaking the tense silence.

You look around the room, taking in the scene. Your dorm is filled with people, but the atmosphere is anything but festive. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon are here, along with Avi, Beomgyu, and yourself. The idea had been to merge friend groups for Thanksgiving/Chuseok, a suggestion from Avi and Beomgyu in an attempt to bridge the growing divide for your sake. But now, everyone sits awkwardly on the floor, picking at their side dishes, unsure of what to do or say.

Beomgyu is the next to break the silence. “How about we play a drinking game?” he offers, a hint of forced enthusiasm in his voice. “Might help loosen the tension.”

You sneak a glance at Jake, curious to see his reaction. He still hasn’t told you about his sobriety, and you wonder how he’ll handle this situation.

Jake looks around at the expectant faces, then clears his throat. “I don’t drink,” he says simply, his voice steady. “But I don’t mind if others do. I’ll just stick to the mocktails.” He offers a small smile and raises his glass of the non-alcoholic concoction you and Avi had prepared earlier.

You nod, making a mental note to ask him about it later, despite the promise you made to Heeseung not to mention it. The curiosity is too overwhelming to ignore.

Avi looks around, trying to salvage the situation. “Okay, mocktails for some, drinks for others. Let’s just try to have a good time.”

Heeseung nods. “What about Truth or Drink? It’s a good way to get to know each other better.”

Everyone exchanges glances, and after a moment, nods of agreement ripple through the group. Heeseung takes charge, explaining the rules quickly. “You either answer the question honestly, or you take a drink. Simple as that.”

The first few rounds are tentative, with everyone choosing relatively safe questions. Gradually, the atmosphere lightens as laughter and teasing fill the room.

Jay looks at Avi. “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”

Avi laughs, her cheeks flushing as she recounts a story about a high school talent show gone wrong. The room erupts in laughter, and for the first time, the tension seems to dissipate.

During Sunghoon’s turn, you excuse yourself to get a refill of more banchan from the kitchen. Avi joins you, leaning against the counter as you gather the dishes.

“You know,” Avi says, her voice low so it doesn’t carry back to the others, “Jake and his friends aren’t all that bad.”

You glance at her, surprised but pleased. “Yeah, they’re really nice once you get to know them.”

Avi nods, then her expression turns somber. “I just wish Jungwon was here. Celebrating Chuseok was for him, after all. He was starting to get homesick after missing Chuseok with his family.”

A pang of sadness hits you at the reminder. You take a deep breath, trying to push away the ache in your chest. “I know. I miss him too. But at least he gets to celebrate a real Chuseok with his family.”

Avi gives you a small, sympathetic smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s just not the same without him.”

You nod, trying to focus on the positive. “We’ll see him soon enough. And who knows? Maybe things will be better by then.”

Returning to the group with the banchan, you notice the warm, friendly atmosphere that has developed. Jake catches your eye and smiles, after placing down the ceramic serving dish you take a seat beside him.

As the game continues, Jay looks over at you and Jake. “You two make a really cute couple, you know that?”

Before you can respond, Sunghoon and Beomgyu, both tipsy, start hugging each other and pretending to make out, mimicking a couple to tease you and Jake. Everyone bursts into laughter, the playful antics breaking any remaining tension in the room.

Avi playfully rolls her eyes. “Alright, boys, cut it out,” she says with a grin. She glances at the clock on the wall and her eyes widen slightly. “Shit, it’s late. If you guys want, you can sleep over.”

The boys thank her, and the sleeping arrangements are quickly sorted out. Heeseung claims the couch, Sunghoon opts for the blow-up mattress on the floor, and Beomgyu, as always, takes his usual spot in Avi’s room. That leaves Jake and you to share your room.

As you and Jake get up to head to bed, the teasing starts again. “Oh, look at the lovebirds,” Sunghoon calls out, grinning mischievously.

“Don’t have too much fun in there,” Beomgyu adds with a wink.

Avi smirks. “Remember, the walls are thin. I’d appreciate it if Jake could keep his hands to himself tonight.”

Heeseung scoffs, laughing. “Jake doesn’t know what it means to keep his hands to himself.”

Jake rolls his eyes but can’t help but laugh along with everyone. “Fuck off,” he says, taking your hand as you both head to your room, the playful teasing still echoing in your ears.

Once inside your room, you close the door and turn to Jake, who’s still smiling. “That was fun,” he says, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, leaning into him. “I’m really glad everyone’s getting along.”

Jake nods, his expression softening. “Me too. It means a lot to me.”

He steps back and strips off his shirt, revealing the well-defined muscles beneath. He climbs into your bed, his arms wide open in an inviting gesture. You slide in beside him, curling up on his chest. The warmth of his skin against yours is comforting, and you find yourself drawing little shapes on his chest with your finger. He sighs contentedly, pulling you in closer and kissing the top of your head.

“I’m so thankful for this second chance,” he whispers.

You place a soft kiss on his collarbone. “I’m happy too,” you reply, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jake waits a beat before pushing you away slightly, his expression turning serious. “I need to tell you something,” he says.

Your heart skips a beat. “What is it?”

He takes a deep breath. “The summer before you started at Northeastern, I went back home to Australia. I wanted to make amends, but I found out from my mom how hard you took it when I left. I didn’t realize how much I hurt you until then. When I heard that you didn’t get into Harvard, I felt like I had ruined everything for you. I was crushed.”

You stay silent, listening intently as he continues.

“When I came back, I started drinking and smoking. I even got into LSD. It got to a point where I would wake up, smoke a preroll, go back to bed, wake up again, smoke the remainder, then go about my day and probably smoke another five more times. I drank a lot to forget you and the pain I caused.”

You feel a lump form in your throat as tears well up in your eyes. Jake’s voice trembles slightly as he recounts his past.

“There was this party… I got so crossfaded that I passed out and was unresponsive for over twenty minutes. That was the turning point. Jay cried and begged me to stop. Said he didn’t want to see me dead. That’s why we’re so close. He even gave up drinking for a while to help me out, and Heeseung and Sunghoon gave up parties to support me. They’re like brothers to me, not just friends.”

By now, silent tears are streaming down your face. Jake gently wipes them away, his eyes filled with concern and vulnerability.

“I understand if this changes things for you,” he says softly. “But I needed to tell you.”

You shake your head, your emotions overwhelming you. Leaning in, you kiss him hard, pouring all your feelings into that kiss. When you finally pull away, you look into his eyes, your voice firm and resolute.

“It doesn’t change anything, Jake. If anything, it makes me love you more for your honesty.”

Jake’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, and he pulls you into a tight embrace. “Thank you,” he whispers.

You shift and move yourself onto his lap, straddling his waist, your knees on either side of his legs. You wrap your arms around his neck and place your lips onto his own pouty ones, kissing him slowly. Jake moves his hands to your waist, and grips them tightly before pulling away.

You pout at the loss of contact and move your head to the crook of his neck to place soft kisses there. Jake whines and grips your waist once again.

“B-baby wait.”

You sigh but pull away to look into his eyes.

“We don’t have to do anything we can just cuddle.” Jake says, rubbing slow circles onto your thigh. You shake your head.

“I want to.”

Jake stares into your eyes searching for any hesitance before asking one more time, “are you sure?”

You nod. “As long as you promise to not leave me this time.”

Jake brings a hand up to your cheek and gently caresses it. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Jake's lips fall upon yours again, his lips moving in a frenzied fashion this time.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer into you. Jake lets out a soft growl against your lips before pulling away. Peppering kisses along your jaw, he trails down the column of your throat before nuzzling his face into the juncture of your shoulder.

"God- I've missed you," Jake whispers as he breathes in your calming scent. You place your hands in his hair threading the strands, you lazily play with the locks at the nape of his neck.

"I missed you too. A lot," you moan out as Jake begins to suckle bruises onto the tender flesh of your throat. Jake sucks in a sharp breath at the feeling of you tugging on his hair and immediately switches positions with you. He swiftly cages you between his body and the mattress before moving down to be level with your dripping pussy. You jerk at the sudden movement, your eyes widening at the sight of him.

Jake groans out as he runs his nose along the exposed flesh of your inner thigh. Your breath hitches at the sensation, Jake’s large hands slowly wrap around your thighs before he parts your legs.

Running his nose against your panties, Jake takes in a deep breath before groaning as the scent of your arousal runs through his nose. He pushes your sleep shirt further up your hips, his lips gently kissing his way up the length of your thigh. Positioned just over your hip, Jake places a tender kiss above where your bone is. Then, he bites down on the waistband of your panties before slowly sliding it down your legs.

Gripping one of your thighs, he pulls it to rest over his shoulder, exposing your pussy even more. Jake shudders as the scent of your arousal deepens. Biting his lip, Jake edges closer to your folds before tentatively licking a line: all the way from your core to your clit.

“Oh my gosh,” you groan out, your head lolling back while one of your hands shoots out to tangle into his thick hair. Hearing your low groan, Jake smirks against your pussy before repeating the action. Spikes of pleasure run up and down your spine, your eyelids fluttering as you lose yourself into the pleasure he brings upon your body.

Soft lips wrap around your clit, Jake pulls the sensitive bud into his mouth before lightly sucking on it. His ministrations cause you to gasp - the sound quickly morphing into a heavy moan when he nips your throbbing clit. Tangling your fingers further into his hair, you tug as hard as you can on his hair, trying to get him to move faster.

“J-jake.” you whine needily, desperation heavy in the high pitch of your voice.

Jake pushes two fingers into you, your body jerks at the sudden intrusion as you tug at his hair reflexively. Twisting his fingers into you, Jake pumps his digits in and out, relishing in the feel of your pulsating walls around him as he continues eating you out.

“Cumming-” you gasp out, your voice cracking under the pleasure.

“Then cum baby- cum all over my tongue. wanna taste you, ” Jake urges. The filthiness of his words, paired with the way he harshly sucks your clit, instantly has you cumming.

You whine out his name, gasping for air, you slowly come down from the high of your orgasm. Jake patiently waits for you to come back to reality.

Once you catch your breath he moves up to place a soft kiss on your awaiting lips.

“How are you feeling princess?”

You adjust your shirt to cover your lower half before responding. “Good.”

“Want to continue?”

You nod, “yes. Want to feel you inside me.”

Jake groans at your words. “Do you have a condom?”

You hum and nod your head towards your bedside drawer. “First shelf.”

Jake removes himself from you to walk towards the shelf and takes out the small foil before opening it and rolling the condom over his dick. Sighing at the feeling of finally touching himself. He gives himself a few tugs and makes sure the condom is secured before walking back to you.

Jake’s cock is ready, heavy against his palm as he takes a hold of the base and spreads your legs apart. His chest is littered with beads of sweat. “Your pussy looks so fucking good.” He remarks, letting the pink tip of his dick rub against your wet folds. You both moan at the sensation.

With one more rub of his head, he lines himself against your entrance and slowly pushes his hips forward. You think you could come instantly again.

“Fuck.” You let out as you place a hand on his chest, letting the feel of his cock overtake your entire body. He stops when he’s reached the hilt, careful to rock his hips out before slamming them back into you. You can’t help but cry his name out.

“I won’t last long.” Jake whimpers, you move the hand on his chest to the back of his neck as you push his head forward to kiss you. He follows suit, beginning a rhythmic pace of his hips as you lose yourself further and further into him.

Jake kisses you feverishly, hot and wet against your mouth as he continues to rock in and out of you. His breaths labored, filthy words and curses escaping him as you clench around him with each thrust.

“Ngh- not gonna last long either!” You’re losing your mind, already close to a second orgasm. You know you’re going to come again soon.

Jake takes your legs and places your ankles on his shoulder, plummeting into you with a force so delicious, you’re about to go delirious

“Fuck, turn around for me.” You do as requested, turning to your stomach. Jake pulls your ass up towards him and lines himself up once again. Without hesitation this time, he pushes into you.

“Oh my gosh,” Jake is moaning out. He grabs a handful of your ass, using it as support while he rams into you with no plans of slowing down. The room is filled with the sound of your skin slapping and your shared moans. You have no doubt everyone can hear the two of you.

Jake reaches forward immediately gravitating towards your clit and rubs to bring you over the edge.

It doesn’t take much longer before your heels are digging into the mattress and you’re cumming. You feel Jake still behind you as he releases into the condom.

You lay still, letting your cum dribble out of you as Jake pulls out.

“Was that okay?” Jake asks, leaning forward to kiss your shoulder. You nod in reassurance, twisting your head around so he can kiss your lips.

“More than okay.”

The morning light filters softly through the blinds as you slide out of Jake’s arms, careful not to wake him. You dress quickly and head to the kitchen, intent on starting breakfast for your guests. To your surprise, you find Jay already there, rummaging through the ingredients and setting up to make breakfast.

“Jay?” you say, taken aback but not entirely surprised. He looks up and gives you a sheepish smile.

“Hey,” he replies, cracking an egg into a bowl. “Figured I’d get a head start.”

You smile and move to help him, grabbing a knife and starting to cut up some fruit. As you chop strawberries, the silence between you feels companionable. Finally, you muster the courage to speak up. “Thank you.”

Jay glances up from the omelette he’s making, his brow furrowing in confusion. “For what?”

You put down the knife and turn to face him fully. “Thank you for taking care of Jake when I couldn’t.”

Jay’s expression softens, and he shakes his head. “You don’t need to thank me. I love Jake. He’s like a brother to me.”

You nod, appreciating his sincerity. You both return to your tasks, the kitchen filled with the sound of sizzling and chopping. After a moment, Jay speaks up again.

“Are you confident in your decision to be with Jake?” he asks gently.

You hesitate, your hands pausing mid-chop. Jay notices and quickly adds, “I won’t judge you, whatever your answer is.”

You take a deep breath, considering your words carefully. “I’m happy to finally have the boy I’ve always loved,” you begin slowly. “But sometimes… sometimes I find myself thinking about Jungwon and what could have been.”

Jay nods, understanding in his eyes. “I get it. But you need to decide who you want to be with. Jake is fully invested in you, and I’d hate to see him destroyed if you drag this out only to decide you want Jungwon in the end.”

His words hit hard, and you can’t help but fall silent, lost in thought. The reality of your situation settles heavily on your shoulders. You return to chopping strawberries, your mind racing.

Jay reaches over and places a hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Whatever you decide, just be honest with yourself and with them. That’s all anyone can ask.”

You nod, grateful for his words and his support. As the two of you finish preparing breakfast, you can’t shake the feeling of uncertainty that lingers. With the fruit salad complete and the omelettes almost ready, you begin to bring the food out. As you enter the living room, Heeseung rises and shakes awake Sunghoom so they can take their seat on the floor as you bring in plates of food.

One by one, everyone makes their way to the living room, the aroma of breakfast drawing them in. Avi and Beomgyu are next, followed by Jay, who gives you a reassuring nod. Jake is the last to emerge, his hair tousled and a sleepy smile on his face. He takes a seat beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

The room falls into a comfortable silence as everyone starts to eat. But it doesn’t last long.

Beomgyu is the first to break the silence. “You two are disgusting,” he says, pointing his fork at you and Jake. “Do you know everyone heard you last night?”

Avi groans, covering her ears dramatically. “My poor ears!”

Heeseung and Sunghoon join in, laughing and shaking their heads. “Seriously, guys,” Sunghoon says, rolling his eyes. “Couldn’t you have kept it down a bit?”

You hide your face in Jake’s chest, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. Jake chuckles, rubbing your back soothingly. “Hey, come on,” he says, defending the two of you. “We weren’t that loud.”

Avi rolls her eyes playfully. “Sure, Jake. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Heeseung smirks before letting the loudest moan rip from his throat. “fuck jake…i’m not gonna last long.” He exclaims, his voice exaggerated and mocking.

Mortified, you cover your face with your hands, wishing the ground would swallow you up. “Heeseung, stop!” Jake says, trying to suppress his own laughter. “Seriously, guys, cut it out.”

But the rest of them join in, their laughter filling the room. Avi tries to hold back her giggles as she adds, “I swear, I thought you were filming a movie in there.”

Beomgyu grins, leaning into Sunghoon as they both mimic exaggerated kissing noises. “Oh, Jake! Oh, yes!” Beomgyu echoes, clutching his sides in laughter.

You groan, burying your face even deeper into Jake’s chest. “I can’t believe this,” you mumble, your voice muffled.

Jake’s arm tightens around you protectively. “Alright, alright, enough,” he says, trying to sound serious but failing to hide his amusement.

Heeseung, still giggling, wipes a tear from his eye. “Sorry, we couldn’t resist. But seriously, you guys are cute together.”

You peek out from behind your hands, your face still flushed. “Thanks, I guess,” you mutter, trying to salvage some dignity.

Jake kisses the top of your head, whispering, “Don’t worry about them. They’re just jealous.”

Beomgyu scoffs, “jealous? Please I can pull anyone.”

Avi snorts. “And yet you’re still bitchless.”

November 30th

It’s now Saturday and you're out buying groceries, determined to do a dorm refresh. It’s been a busy few days, and you’re looking forward to a quiet evening to reorganize your space and settle into some semblance of normalcy before classes start back up. With bags in hand, you make your way back to your dorm, already planning out how you’ll spend the rest of the day.

As you approach your door, you notice a bouquet of peonies resting against the frame. You pause, staring at the flowers. You know they’re from Jake. He used to give you peonies on your dates back in Australia, a sweet gesture that always made you smile. But now, they serve as a cutting reminder of how much has changed since Jake has been back in your life. You’ve hated peonies ever since he left.

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice Jungwon coming in through the hallway with his suitcase behind him. He stops when he sees the flowers and then looks up at you.

“I would’ve known to get you lilies,” he comments, his voice cutting through your reverie. “Unlike Jake.”

You’re pulled out of your thoughts and make eye contact with Jungwon. It’s silent for a second as you take him in, noting the travel weariness in his eyes.

“How was Korea?” you ask tentatively.

He’s vague and blunt with his answer. “Fine.”

You shift on your feet, feeling the weight of the unspoken tension between you. “Did you have a good Chuseok?”

Jungwon nods, then looks at the peonies again before his gaze returns to you. “Jake doesn’t know anything about you,” he says, his tone sharp.

Before you can respond, he sidesteps you and enters his dorm, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You stare after him, the hurt in his words lingering in the air. Slowly, you bend down to pick up the bouquet. Carrying the peonies inside your dorm, you can’t help but think about how much has changed and how complicated everything has become. You place the flowers on the counter, staring at them for a moment before you begin unpacking your groceries.

Determined to keep yourself preoccupied, you dive into cleaning the entire dorm. You scrub the floors, dust the shelves, and organize every corner until everything is spotless and in perfect order. The physical activity helps clear your mind, but the lingering thoughts and feelings remain just below the surface.

As you finish wiping down the kitchen counter, your phone buzzes with a text. It’s from Avi.

[November 30th, 7:53 PM]

[avi]: hey, can you meet me at snell? i forgot my key :p

[you]: yeah what room number?

[avi]: 0119

Grabbing your keys, you head for the door. Just as you’re about to leave, another text comes in. This time, it’s from Jake.

[November 30th, 7:55 PM]

[jake]: did you receive my gift? :D

You pause, looking back at the peonies on the counter. After a moment of contemplation, you walk over to them, pick them up, and dump them in the trash. You text Jake back.

[November 30th, 7:57 PM]

[you]: yes, they’re beautiful. thank you.

With that, you leave your dorm, locking the door behind you. As you make your way to the classroom to meet Avi, you try to push the confusion and hurt to the back of your mind.

When you arrive, Avi is waiting by the door, looking relieved to see you. “Thank you so much for coming. I can’t believe I forgot my key.”

“It’s no problem,” you reply, handing her the spare key you’ve brought along.

Avi takes the key but doesn't move to grab her things right away. Instead, she looks at you with an expression of concern. “Hey, I’m really sorry... for everything. I love you, you know that, right?”

You furrow your brow in confusion. “Of course I know that. Why are you saying this now?”

Before you can react, Avi gives you a gentle but firm shove, pushing you into the classroom. The door slams shut behind you, and you hear the unmistakable sound of it being locked. You whirl around, banging on the door. “Avi! What the hell?”

From the other side of the door, you hear Avi’s voice, firm and resolute. “You’re not allowed to leave until you make amends with Jungwon.”

“What?” you shout, turning back to face the room. Your eyes land on Jungwon, who is sitting at one of the desks, lazily twirling a pencil between his fingers. The sight of him only heightens your agitation.

You bang on the door again. “Avi, let me out! This isn’t funny.”

Beomgyu’s face appears in the small window of the door. “No can do. We’re tired of you talking about how much you miss Jungwon and tired of him asking about you. You two need to hurry up and make up.”

The weight of their words sinks in as you slowly turn back to Jungwon, who has now stopped playing with the pencil and is watching you with a guarded expression. The tension in the room is palpable, and for a moment, neither of you speaks.

Finally, you break the silence. “Jungwon, this is ridiculous. We don’t have to do this.”

Jungwon raises an eyebrow. “Do you really think they’ll let us out if we don’t?”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. “I’m sorry, okay? For everything. I know I hurt you, and I’m really, really sorry.”

Jungwon’s expression remains neutral, but his eyes reveal the hurt and anger he still feels. “It’s not that simple.”

“I know,” you say softly, taking a tentative step towards him. “I’ve been a terrible friend. I got caught up in everything with Jake and neglected the people who matter most to me. I hate that I did that to you.”

Jungwon looks down at the pencil in his hand, spinning it slowly. “It’s more than that. You led me on and had me think we could ever be something.”

Your heart sinks at his words. “Jungwon, I never meant to lead you on. I didn’t realize how you felt until it was too late.”

He scoffs, finally looking up at you. “How could you not realize? I was always there for you, always trying to show you how much I cared. But you were too wrapped up in yourself to see it.”

You feel a flare of defensiveness rise within you. “Jungwon, I told you from the start that I didn’t do relationships. You knew that about me.”

Jungwon’s eyes narrow. “Then what was the point in telling me at the party you were ready to move on? If you knew you still didn’t want to date, why give me the false hope?”

You falter, his words hitting harder than you expected. “I…I thought I was ready.”

He shakes his head, frustration evident. “But you weren’t. And in the process, you played with my feelings. Do you know how confusing and hurtful that is?”

“I’m sorry, Jungwon,” you say, your voice shaking. “I didn’t mean to give you false hope. I genuinely meant what I said at the party! I wasn’t expecting Jake to come back into my life.”

Jungwon looks at you, his expression hard to read. “So, what now? You just expect me to forget everything and be okay with being your second choice?”

You shake your head vehemently. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just want you to understand that I was confused. I never meant to hurt you, Jungwon. I care about you so much.”

“Caring about someone isn’t enough,” he says quietly, his voice tinged with sadness.

A heavy silence settles between you, thick with unresolved tension. Jungwon breaks it with a question that slices through the air. “Why Jake?”

You look up, startled. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t know you like I do,” Jungwon continues, his voice raw. “You’re not the same girl he grew up with. You’ve changed, and he hasn’t been here to see that.”

You open your mouth, but no words come out. Finally, you manage to say, “he’s my first love.”

“That doesn’t mean he has to be your only love,” Jungwon counters, taking a step closer. His eyes bore into yours, filled with an intensity that makes your heart race.

Before you can respond, he steps even closer, his breath warm against your skin. He’s so close you can feel the heat radiating off him. For a moment, it feels like he’s about to kiss you, but then your phone rings, breaking the moment.

You glance at the screen: it’s Jake. Jungwon’s eyes flicker to the phone and back to you, pleading. “Don’t answer it.”

You hesitate but then silence the call, your heart pounding in your chest. Jungwon’s expression softens, and he reaches up to caress your cheek. “You deserve someone who knows you inside and out. Someone who’s been there through everything. I’m that someone.”

His words hang in the air, and before you can process them, he leans in and kisses you. It’s gentle at first, a question rather than a demand. You respond, your arms wrapping around his neck as the kiss deepens, your emotions swirling together in a mix of confusion, guilt, and longing.

When you finally pull away, you’re both breathless. The weight of what just happened settles over you. Jungwon searches your eyes, his thumb still tracing your cheek. “I love you,” he whispers. “I’ve always loved you.”

You stand there, your heart torn between the familiarity of your past and the promise of your future. The sound of your phone vibrating with another call from Jake is a distant echo as you and Jungwon stare at each other, caught in a moment that feels like it could change everything.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” you say, your voice shaking.

Jungwon shrugs, his eyes unwavering. “I don’t feel bad about it.”

You swallow hard, the weight of his words settling over you. “Jungwon, this isn’t fair. I’m so confused right now.”

He takes a deep breath, his gaze softening. “I’m serious about you. I’ve always been. I want you to give us a chance.”

His words hang in the air, heavy with meaning. You’re once again faced with the ultimatum: Jake or Jungwon. The pressure feels unbearable, your heart torn in two directions. Before you can respond, there’s a loud knock on the door.

“Have you two made up yet?” Beomgyu’s voice calls from the other side, filled with impatience.

You and Jungwon exchange a look, the weight of the unspoken words between you. You shake your head, unable to bring yourself to lie. But Jungwon pulls away from you and steps forward, his hand brushing against yours as he replies, “Yeah, we’ve made up.”

The door opens, and Avi and Beomgyu peer in, looking between the two of you. Jungwon gives you one last look, longing swimming in his eyes, before he steps past them and leaves the room.

Your phone starts ringing again, Jake’s name flashing on the screen. You stare at it, the decision you need to make feeling more daunting than ever. As the door closes behind Jungwon, you’re left standing there, the sound of the phone’s persistent ring echoing in the silence.

Avi steps forward, concern etched on her face. “How do you feel? How did things go?”

You take a deep breath. “We... we kissed.”

Both Avi and Beomgyu’s eyes widen in shock. “You what?” Avi exclaims, her voice a mixture of surprise and concern.

Beomgyu, recovering first, gives you a thoughtful look. “Are you going to tell Jake?”

Avi cuts in, “You don’t have to.”

Beomgyu raises a brow at her. “Seriously,”

Avi shrugs, “what? I support women’s right and wrongs.”

You hesitate, the previous question hanging heavy in the air. “I... I don’t know what I’m going to do,” you admit. “Everything’s so complicated.”

Beomgyu sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Look, as much as I've grown to like Jake, I’ve always thought Jungwon was the right one for you. He understands you in a way Jake never will.”

Avi elbows him lightly, shooting him a warning look. “Beomgyu, that’s not helping.” She turns to you, her eyes soft with sympathy. “But... I kind of agree. You and Jungwon just…click.”

You look between your two friends, feeling more conflicted than ever. “I don’t know what to do,” you whisper, your voice breaking. “I care about both of them, but...”

Avi steps closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Take your time. You don’t have to decide right now. Just...think about what makes you happiest, what feels right in your heart.”

You take a deep breath, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions inside you. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Avi looks at you with understanding. “Sometimes, no matter what you choose, someone might get hurt.”

Your phone rings again, cutting through the tense silence. Beomgyu glances at the screen and then at you. “It’s Jake. You should answer.”

Hesitant, you pick up the call. “Hey, Jake.”

“Hi baby!,” he says, his voice filled with concern. “Are you okay? You sounded off earlier.”

“I’m fine,” you lie, trying to keep your voice steady. “Just busy studying.”

He hums, seemingly convinced. “Okay. Are you free for a date tomorrow?”

A twinge of guilt strikes you, but you push it aside. “Sure, I’d love that.”

You exchange a few more pleasantries before hanging up. Once you turn off your phone, Avi immediately asks, “What was that about?”

You sigh, feeling the weight of the situation. “Jake wants to go on a date tomorrow.”

Avi nods thoughtfully. “Remember, you don’t have to tell Jake anything until you’re ready.”

Beomgyu raises an eyebrow at her. “Again, seriously?”

Avi shrugs. “What? Women’s rights and wrongs, remember?”

You can’t help but smile a little at her words, but the smile quickly fades. “I don’t know what I’ll do,” you admit quietly.

Beomgyu comfortingly pats your back, more serious now. “Being upfront now might be hard, but it’ll save a lot of heartache later on.”

Avi then adds, “Or you could try being single for a bit. I promise it’s not all that bad.”

The three of you laugh, the tension easing slightly. Avi’s joke, though lighthearted, seems to resonate with all of you.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll take that under consideration,” you say, the weight on your shoulders feeling a bit lighter.

Beomgyu grins. “Hey, it’s always an option. Plus, more time for group hangouts.”

Avi nods enthusiastically. “Exactly! We could use more friend time without any of the boy drama.”

You chuckle, appreciating their attempts to cheer you up. “Thanks, guys. I really needed this.”

“Anytime,” Avi says, linking her arm with yours. “Now, let’s get back to the dorm. We’ve got snacks and a Netflix queue waiting for us.”

Beomgyu wraps an arm around both of you, guiding you back. “And maybe some ice cream? I feel like this conversation calls for ice cream.”

You laugh again, feeling grateful for your friends.

“Do you have a lot of finals coming up?” Jake asks, trying to keep the conversation light.

The two of you are currently at Naksan, an expensive new KBBQ restaurant that opened up near your campus. Jake had wanted to take you out sightseeing but given the cold Boston weather the two of you couldn’t stay out long so he decided what better way to warm up than sizzling hot meat.

The atmosphere is lively, filled with the sizzle of meat on grills and the hum of conversation. Jake tries to make small talk, you’ve been out of it all day lost in your head. His eyes search your face for any hint of what’s bothering you.

You shake your head slightly, offering a small smile. “No, only a few. Nothing too overwhelming.”

He nods, turning the meat on the grill. “What about winter break? Do you have any plans?”

You shrug, avoiding his gaze. “Not sure yet. I’m not going back to Australia because the break isn’t that long.”

Jake’s face lights up a bit. “Jay and Sunghoon were talking about renting a cabin over the break. They thought it would be fun if you and your friends joined us.”

“That sounds fun,” you reply half-heartedly. “I’m sure Avi and Beomgyu would be down for that.”

Jake seems to notice your lack of enthusiasm but presses on. “What about inviting Jungwon too? The more, the merrier, right?”

You don’t respond, knowing that Jungwon would never agree to be around Jake. The silence between you grows heavy, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

Jake places some grilled meat on your plate, watching you closely. “Are you okay?” he asks, concern evident in his voice.

Instead of answering, you look up at him and ask, “What’s my favorite color?”

Jake looks confident but confused as he answers, “Black.”

You shake your head. “That was my favorite color two years ago because it’s all you would ever wear. It’s pink now.”

Jake nods, trying to hide his surprise. “Okay, I’ll make a mental note of that.”

He places more meat on the grill, but you’re not done. “What are my hobbies?” you ask.

Jake is at a loss, hesitating before guessing, “Baking?”

You shake your head again. “Photography. Crochet. Painting. All things I started doing once you left to get my life back on track because all I ever knew was you. I didn’t have an identity when you were around. I did it so I could forget you.”

Jake clenches the tongs tighter, his jaw setting as he places new meat on the grill. “What is this about?” he asks, his voice strained.

You look down at your plate, feeling the weight of the conversation. “A lot has changed since you’ve been in my life. I’m starting to realize that maybe I need to figure out who I am without you.”

Jake looks at you, confusion and frustration etched on his face. “What are you talking about? I’m still the same Jake you’ve known since we were kids.”

You shake your head firmly but gently. “No. You’re not. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I think we’ve been pretending that nothing has changed when everything has changed.”

Jake’s agitation grows. “What are you trying to get at?”

You try to calm him down, your voice softening. “Maybe we rushed things? Maybe we needed time to actually get to know each other again before jumping into a relationship.”

“Where is this coming from?” Jake demands, his voice rising.

Taking a deep breath, you meet his gaze. “I finally talked to Jungwon. He helped me realize just how much I’ve changed.” You avoid mentioning the kiss, knowing it would only escalate things.

Jake’s anger flares. “This is our relationship, not ours plus Jungwon’s. Why are you letting him get in between what we have.”

A light scoff escapes your lips. “Within the past two weeks, I’ve been slipping into old habits. I’ve considered transferring schools for your sake and sobriety. I picked you over Jungwon without any explanation. Every decision I’ve made since you came back revolves around you in some way.”

Jake, absolutely livid, leans forward, his eyes burning with anger. “I never asked you to do any of that. It’s not my fault you have a savior complex.”

His words cut deep, and the air between you becomes thick with tension, the restaurant's noise fading into the background. Your anger simmers beneath the surface, and when Jake challenges you with his accusation, you can't hold back.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Your voice rises, laced with incredulity and hurt. “Savior complex? I’ve only ever loved and supported you!”

Jake’s jaw tightens, his frustration evident. “No, you’ve only ever tried to fix me! I don’t need to be fixed! Spoiler alert, not everyone can be as perfect as you, ____!”

His words hit you like a blow, but you refuse to back down. “I’m not perfect, Jake. I never claimed to be. But if you can’t see how much I’ve tried to make this work, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

Jake’s expression hardens, his voice low and cutting. “So, what now? You’re just going to walk away?”

“Why are we even together?” Your voice trembles with anger and betrayal.

You lock eyes with Jake, the heat of your emotions mirrored in his gaze. The silence between you is heavy with unspoken truths and shattered illusions. With a surge of indignation, you push back from the table, your chair scraping loudly against the floor.

“I can’t believe I fell for your lies again.” The words spill from your lips, each one dripping with bitterness and disappointment.

Without another glance at Jake, you turn and walk away, leaving him sitting there, his anger and confusion swirling around him like a storm. The weight of your decision hangs heavy on your shoulders, but deep down, you know it’s the right one.

Outside the restaurant, the cold air hits you sharply, intensifying the pain in your chest. You navigate the streets with blurred vision, tears streaming down your face until you find yourself standing outside Jungwon's door. You hesitate for a moment, but the need for comfort outweighs any doubts.

When Jungwon opens the door, his confusion is evident in his sleep-ruffled appearance. His messy hair and casual attire contrast sharply with the intensity in his eyes as he takes in your tear-streaked face. Without a word, he steps aside, allowing you to enter.

You don't hesitate this time. You throw yourself into his arms, seeking comfort in his embrace. Jungwon holds you gently, his hands soothing circles on your back. "What's wrong?" he asks softly, concern lacing his voice.

Between sobs, you manage to recount the disastrous dinner with Jake, the accusations, and the painful realization that your relationship with him might have been built on illusions. Jungwon listens in silence, his expression a mix of understanding and restrained frustration.

"H-he said I have a savior complex! Can you believe that!?"

Jungwon stares at you blankly as you rage on.

"I love you too much to stand here and listen to you cry about Jake," He finally says, his voice tinged with agitation. "I warned you, told you to decide, and yet you ran into his arms anyway. Now he's broken your heart yet again."

You sniffle, clinging to him desperately. His words are like a bitter pill, hard to swallow but painfully true. "I refuse to be the person you come to pick up the broken pieces of your heart every time you let someone else break it," Jungwon continues, his voice firm but pained. "I want to be the one who holds your heart, who gets to love you and treat you right."

Your heart sinks at his words, realization settling in like a heavy weight. "Jungwon, please," you plead, your voice shaky. Not even sure yourself what it is you’re begging for.

He pulls away gently, his eyes searching yours. "I can't subject myself to standing here and listening to you go on about another man," he says softly. "For my own sake, I need you to leave."

Shock courses through you, leaving you speechless. You try to protest, to explain, but Jungwon remains resolute. "Don't come back until you really know what you want," he says firmly. "Otherwise, leave me alone."

With those words ringing in your ears, you stand there, grappling with the magnitude of his decision and your own emotions. Reluctantly, you turn away, leaving Jungwon behind, the ache in your chest now compounded by regret and uncertainty.

As you walk back to your dorm, the weight of everything crashes down on you. It’s not just the fight with Jake or Jungwon's firm stance; it’s the realization of how selfish you’ve been, stringing Jungwon along and using him as your emotional crutch. He’s always been there, loving you without any conditions, and you’ve taken that for granted.

Each step feels heavier than the last, the cold hallway air biting at your skin as you replay Jungwon’s words in your mind. You’ve leaned on him for so long, taking his unconditional support and affection as a given. He was your safe haven, the one person you could always turn to without fear of judgment. But in doing so, you’ve hurt him deeply, using his love as a safety net without offering the same in return.

When you finally close the door to your dorm, the tears you’ve been holding back flood out, and you collapse against the door, your sobs echoing in the empty space. The full weight of your actions, the hurt you’ve caused, and the pain you’ve inflicted on someone who means so much to you crashes down, leaving you feeling raw and exposed.

The sound of your anguish draws Avi out of her room, and she rushes to your side, her face etched with worry. “What happened?” she asks softly, kneeling beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

You struggle to get the words out, your voice broken by sobs. “I’ve been such a horrible person,” you cry, the realization choking you. “I’ve been using Jungwon, leading him on while I figured out my feelings for Jake. I’ve been so unfair to him.”

Avi sighs, her hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. “At least you’re self-aware?” she says quietly, her words both a comfort and a sting. “Maybe for now you need to learn how to be comfortable with being alone.”

You nod through your tears, the truth of her words settling deep within you. “I’ve been so selfish,” you whisper. “He’s always been there for me, and I’ve taken him for granted. I never realized how much I was hurting him.”

Avi’s eyes are filled with sympathy, but she doesn’t sugarcoat the reality. “You need to give him space and time to heal,” she says. “And you need to figure out who you are and what you really want without any guys in the picture. You can’t keep bouncing between Jake and Jungwon. It’s not fair to either of them, and it’s not fair to yourself.”

You sniff, wiping at your tears, the weight of her words pressing down on you. “I know,” you admit. “I just… I don’t know how to start.”

Avi pulls you into a tighter hug, her voice gentle but firm. “You start by letting Jungwon go and focusing on yourself. You need to stop using him as a crutch and start dealing with your feelings head-on.”

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. For Jungwon’s sake, and for your own, you need to let go. As you sit there, leaning against the door with Avi by your side, you resolve to take the first step. It’s time to stop running from your feelings and face the consequences of your actions. It’s time to let Jungwon heal and to finally figure out who you are without relying on anyone else.

Sunday | Present Day

A week has come to pass and it's now December 8th. The days have blurred together as you've submerged yourself in studying for finals, avoiding any interactions with Beomgyu and Avi. You’re up before the sun, attending classes, and then disappearing into the library until the dead of night. Jake’s reached out a few times, begging to see you and apologies for how he acted but they all remain unanswered. You don't know how to approach that conversation. Jungwon, on the other hand, hasn’t texted at all, and that silence cuts deeper than you’d care to admit.

It's 5 a.m., and you're trying to sneak out to the library yet again, hoping to escape unnoticed. But as you step into the living room, you’re startled to find Avi sitting on the couch, waiting for you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks, her voice cutting through the early morning silence.

You freeze, caught off guard. It’s almost comical, being in trouble for studying too much. But Avi’s expression tells you this is no joke.

“Avi, I... I was just going to the library,” you stammer, clutching your books tighter.

Avi stands, her eyes never leaving yours. “I’ve been nothing but patient with you, giving you space and time to figure things out. But it’s clear that you’re just running away from everything.”

“Avi, I’m just trying to focus on my finals,” you protest weakly.

She shakes her head, her frustration evident. “Bullshit, you’re using your finals as an excuse to avoid dealing with your problems. I’m sick of you being so selfish.”

Her words sting, but you know she’s right. You’ve been hiding, avoiding the difficult conversations you need to have.

“All eight of us are going on the ski trip for winter break next week,” Avi continues, her tone firm. “And you need to get yourself together before then. There won’t be peace or fun if nearly half the house is beefing.”

You look at her in shock. “Jungwon agreed to go?”

“Yes,” Avi confirms, her gaze unwavering. “But that doesn’t mean he’s forgiven you. You need to talk to him, and to Jake. It’s clear you care for both of them, but you’ve handled this terribly. They’re both humans with real emotions, and it’s not fair to keep them in the dark.”

You swallow hard, the guilt washing over you. “I understand.”

“Do you?” Avi presses, her eyes piercing. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t be running away to the library every chance you get. You need to do better. For their sake and for yours.”

Tears well up in your eyes, the weight of her words sinking in. “I’m sorry, Avi. I just... I don’t know how to fix this.”

Avi’s expression softens slightly, but her resolve remains. “You start by being honest with them, and with yourself. Talk to Jake, talk to Jungwon. Tell them how you feel, and let them decide what they want to do. You can’t control their reactions, but you can at least give them the truth.”

You nod, wiping away a tear. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Avi takes a step closer, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I love you, but you need to do better. This isn’t just about you. It’s about them, too. They deserve honesty.”

“I know,” you whisper, your voice breaking.

Avi pulls you into a hug, her voice gentle but firm. “You’re going to get through this, but you need to stop running. Don’t put it off any longer.”

She pulls back, looking at you with a mixture of love and teasing. “I can’t believe you’ve made me actually like Jake,” she says with a mock grimace. “Seriously, you’ve managed to make me sympathize with that guy. It’s almost impressive.”

You let out a shaky laugh, the tension easing a bit. “I guess that’s one way to measure my impact.”

Avi smiles, giving you a playful nudge. “I’m not that angry with you, you know. Just frustrated because I know you’re capable of handling this better.”

“Thanks, Avi,” you say, your voice filled with gratitude. “I really appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Always,” she replies, her tone softening. “Now, go get some sleep, I know you’re miserable with all the studying you’ve been doing.”

You both laugh before you nod, “I will.”

Avi gives you one last encouraging squeeze before retreating back to her room. As she disappears behind her door, you stand there for a moment, thinking of what to do.

With a deep breath, you head back to your room and pull out your phone.

[December 8th, 5:27 AM]

[you]: are you free later today to talk?

Once the message is sent you toss your phone aside and get back under your covers letting the warm embrace of sleep take you once more.

͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏___

knock ! knock

You look up from your seated position on the couch once your mind registers the knocks on your front door. You walk towards the door to let them in. You do a once over in the mirror and flatten out any wrinkles in your dress before opening the door.

Jake stands there, looking slightly awkward, hands shoved into his pockets. His eyes meet yours with a mix of hesitation and what seems to be acceptance.

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey,” you reply, stepping aside to let him in.

Jake takes a seat on the couch and looks around the room, his eyes scanning every corner as if searching for something familiar. “Are we alone?” he asks, his voice almost a whisper.

You nod. “Yeah, Avi is out hanging with Beomgyu.”

Jake nods, playing with his fingers, a nervous habit you recognize. Your fingers itch to hold his hand. The silence between you is thick, almost suffocating. Both of you open your mouths at the same time, starting to speak before stopping and laughing awkwardly.

“You go first,” you encourage, offering him a small, reassuring smile.

Jake takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry for how I reacted the other day,” he begins, his voice sincere. “I didn’t handle it well, and I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. You were bringing up genuine concerns in our relationship, and I got defensive.”

You nod, listening intently as he continues.

“It stung, hearing about Jungwon. It felt like he took my spot in your life while I was gone. But you’re right—we have changed. We’re not the same people we were back then.”

You bite your lip, feeling the weight of his words. When he finishes, you take a deep breath and gather the courage to say what you need to. “Jake, I kissed Jungwon.”

Jake looks taken aback, but there’s no anger in his eyes, just a sadness that seems to have been lingering for a while. He nods slowly, almost as if he expected it. “What now?” he asks, his voice soft.

You sigh, feeling a lump form in your throat. “I appreciate your apology, and I’m sorry for kissing Jungwon. But I think it’s best if we end things here.”

Jake swallows hard at your words but he doesn’t say anything back, he lets you continue.

“A part of my heart will always belong to you, and I’ll always love you, but we’re different people now. It was naive of us to think we could just jump into a relationship without taking the time to get to know each other again, without being friends first.”

Jake’s eyes fill with tears, and despite his efforts to hide them, a few escape down his cheeks. “I understand,” he says, his voice trembling. “I’ll always love you, too. If anything changes for you, I’ll always be here.”

You’re both crying now, the emotional weight of the moment almost too much to bear. You stand up, and he follows suit, wrapping you in a tight hug. The embrace is bittersweet, filled with love and loss.

After a few moments, you pull back slightly, looking into his eyes. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? I’d still love to be friends.”

Jake nods and smiles, his tears still flowing. “Me too.”

You see him out, giving him one last hug in the hallway. As he rounds the corner, Jungwon comes into view. He sees you wiping away your tears as Jake sniffs and clears his throat before leaving. Jungwon pauses, watching the exchange.

You manage a gentle smile at Jungwon. “Would you like to come in?” you ask softly.

Jungwon stares at you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then he nods, following you back into your room. The silence is heavy, but it’s not the same as it was with Jake. This silence almost feels…hopeful? Maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance for something different between you.

As you close the door behind you both, Jungwon stands awkwardly in the center of your room, unsure of what to do or say. “Are you okay?” he asks finally, his voice gentle.

You manage a smile, though tears still linger in your eyes. “I’m okay,” you assure him softly. “Just... processing everything.”

You motion for him to take a seat on the couch while you step into your room to grab something. You return with a small gift bag, decorated with a simple blue ribbon. “Here,” you say quietly, handing it to him.

Jungwon looks down at the bag, then up at you, confusion flickering across his face. “What’s this?” he asks, his voice filled with curiosity.

You take a deep breath, meeting his gaze. “It’s not much,” you start, your voice catching slightly. “But I wanted to give you something. A start towards... a new beginning.”

He cautiously opens the bag and peers inside, finding cherry gummies, old Polaroids of the two of you from happier times, a sheep-shaped keychain, a gift card to Tatte, and other small trinkets that hold significance. Jungwon lifts the Polaroids, his eyes flickering over the captured moments of laughter and shared adventures.

“What’s all this for?” he asks softly, still trying to process your sudden gesture of affection.

You swallow, gathering your thoughts. “I know it’s not enough to fix everything I’ve done,” you begin, your voice earnest. “But each of these... they represent moments from our friendship that I took for granted. The cherry gummies for the late-night talks and movie nights, the Polaroids for the memories we shared, the keychain because you’re like a little sheep, and I have a matching one on my keys...”

Jungwon listens quietly, his expression unreadable.

“The gift card,” you continue, “is my way of paying forward all those times you woke up at the crack of dawn to get me croissants from the French bakery. I never properly thanked you for that.”

He finally looks up at you, his eyes searching yours. There’s a mix of emotions in his gaze—confusion, surprise, and perhaps a hint of cautious hope.

You take a deep breath, your heart pounding in your chest. “Jungwon, I’ve been blind,” you confess, your voice trembling slightly. “I had something amazing right in front of me, and I... I blew it because I was stuck in my past. I took advantage of your kindness, made you a second choice instead of treating you like you deserved.”

Jungwon remains silent, processing your words.

“You were the one who loved me without conditions,” you continue, your voice cracking with emotion. “You were patient with me, showed me what it’s like to be loved deeply by someone who’s willing to brave the pain of not having that love returned.”

Still, Jungwon says nothing, but he listens intently, his expression softening slightly.

“I ended things with Jake,” you admit, a small smile tugging at your lips through the tears. “I see now that we were never meant to be anything more than each other’s first love.”

Jungwon’s eyes widen in surprise at your revelation. “You... let Jake go?” he asks softly, as if needing confirmation.

You nod, your smile widening just a fraction. “It was time,” you say with a shrug, though the decision still weighs heavily on your heart.

He takes a moment to absorb this new piece of information before speaking again. “And what about us?” he asks quietly, his voice tinged with vulnerability.

You take a step closer to him, closing the distance between you. “If you’re still willing,” you begin, your voice steady despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach, “I would love to try again. To take things slow, as friends, while I figure out who I am and what I want. And when we’re both ready, maybe... we can try our hand at dating.”

Jungwon stares at you, his expression unreadable for a moment. Then, slowly, a small smile spreads across his face—the kind of smile that reaches his eyes and warms your heart.

“I’d like that,” he finally says, his voice filled with sincerity.

You exhale a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, relief flooding through you. “Thank you,” you whisper, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders.

Jungwon steps forward, wrapping you in a warm embrace. You melt into his arms, feeling a sense of homecoming you hadn’t realized you’d been missing.

“I’m sorry, Jungwon,” you say again, this time from the bottom of your heart. “I’ve been such a shitty friend. Selfish. But I want to do better. I want to make things right.”

He pulls back slightly to look at you, his gaze tender. “You already are,” he says softly. “Let’s take it slow. Figure things out together.”

You nod, tears of relief and happiness streaming down your cheeks. For the first time in weeks, you feel as though you’re finally doing something right.

As you stand there in Jungwon's embrace, your heart feels lighter, Jake was your first—a boy whose love had once been the center of your universe. Even now, a part of you will always carry him with you. You know you will love him to the ends of the earth, cherishing the memories you shared, the lessons learned, and the person you became because of him.

But as you look at Jungwon, holding you with a warmth and gentleness that feels like coming home, you realize that your heart has found room for another. Yang Jungwon. The first man to show you the true meaning of selfless love. His patience, his unwavering support, and the way he saw you—the real you—without conditions or expectations. He has taught you that love doesn't demand to be earned or proven; it simply exists, patiently waiting for you to embrace it.

You’ll forever be grateful for him. For his kindness and understanding, for the quiet strength he gave you when you were too lost to find your own. In his eyes, you see a future where love is not a battlefield, but a sanctuary.

Jake will always be a cherished part of your story, a chapter that shaped you in ways you’re still discovering. But Jungwon is the present and future, the man who holds your heart now, showing you that love can be both enduring and gentle.

With Jake, you learned the passion of first love; with Jungwon, you’re learning the depth of true, unconditional love. And as you stand here, wrapped in Jungwon's arms, you know that while parts of your heart belong to Jake, you will now and forever carry Jungwon in your heart too. This new chapter, with its promises of understanding and growth, feels like the beginning of something beautiful—a journey towards a love that is as healing as it is profound.

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