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solcheeky · 6 years

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a lapse of us

summary: at first, it’s perfect; more than anything you could’ve wished for—until marks busy schedule gets the most of your relationship in the worst way possible (15.7k)

warnings: somewhat mature content

a/n: you can read this as a fic of its own but I suggest for more context give this a read before this one

2021 update! this was written 4yrs ago and thus doesn’t display my best of abilities, expect higher quality content in my newer pieces of fiction!

day +30, what nights are like when he comes back

when mark comes through your door his hands immediately come to your hips to pull you close

he has his hood up and a backpack slung around one shoulder

“I missed you” he whispers leaning down so his forehead touches yours

when you drape your arms over his shoulders he gives you a tired smile, his eyes a little hazy

your lips can’t help but turn up ever so slightly at the sight before you give him a chaste kiss to his pretty pink ones

it was the first time in a while that you’ve seen each other, about a month actually.

after sbs roommates, you were only given a few days to spend some nights with mark and then a couple of chances to become really familiar with the other nct members, until his promotions, rehearsals and concerts abroad immediately took over

undoubtedly, the past month felt empty at times, especially since it was so different now that you no longer lived together anymore

even back then you’d say you missed each other; now those words had a whole new and stronger meaning

“I missed you too” you whisper pulling back a little so you can finally take a look at his face

you move your hands so they trace the soft skin of his neck under his hood

it tickles mark a little

then you take one hand and rake your fingers through his hair till his hoodie falls off

“oh my god” you retreat back in surprise with your eyebrows furrowing in confusion

you pause. blinking in shock

“y-your hair’s black” you manage to spit out

“oh,” mark runs his own hand through his black hair and looks away in embarrassment, “right.” a pink flush in his cheeks when he breathes a smile

you forgot how precious marks airy giggle was like in real life

“yeah,” his tongue swipes over his bottom lip, “do you ..like it?” he sounds nervous

“yeah! I— I love it!” you blink still trying to register the boys new appearance

mark pouts cutely at your hesitation, “doesn’t sound like it”

“no!! I mean,” you bring him in closer again “I’m just surprised, you know?” your hand unknowingly comes back up to run through his new silky black haircut

with your eyes fixed on brushing marks hair, you almost don’t notice him closing his ones in pleasure at the movement of your hand

when you massage your fingers through his hair again in fascination, he accidentally lets out the softest moan, his head slightly lulling back in time with the push of your fingers

it makes you laugh

he’s so cute

“you’re so cute” you say out loud squeezing his face together at his chin with the same one hand

mark scrunches his nose

“noo please keep going” his words all funny because you’ve pinched his cheeks closer together

“it’s late, let’s get into bed first” you give his chin a little shake then start making your way to the bedroom

but marks hands never leave your body, even when he carelessly slides his backpack off his shoulder and onto the floor

as you walk, he sleepily trails close to you, whines leaving his pretty lips because he wants your hands back in his hair

so once you’re both in bed, after letting him change and wash up a little, you brush through his hair just like he asked for

it’s like that for a while

you’re both in a such comfortable silence together that you don’t even realise how long you’ve stayed in that position

mark’s laying on top of you; head halfway between your stomach and chest

his fingers are limp by your waist; too tired from fiddling with the hem of your shirt

you gaze at his new black hair, you hadn’t seen him yet with his natural hair tone, it was different—good different

and it being curled up in some places, from you playing with it, made it a whole lot cuter that it already was

after some time, you assume he’s asleep

so you stop playing with his hair to grab your phone on the bedside table

but he wasn’t yet—almost—but wasn’t

at the loss of your touch, mark lets out a low hum that vibrates into your body

“don’t stop” mark groans lazily, the soft of his lips grazing gently against your skin

your chuckle vibrates through your chest and into mark, “give me one second baby”

he moans in protest, his voice a little scratchy and his eyes remained closed

you feel his fingers move back to fiddle with the hem of your shirt until they slip a little under it to hold your bare waist

it was his way of lazily getting your attention, “okay okay” after checking your notifications you put your phone back down; needy mark is too cute to ignore

when you play with his hair again you hear him inhale deeply

“so how was japan?” you say quietly

mark hums, “pretty cool” his voice low and completely relaxed “but I missed you the most”

“we could barely video call because you were so busy and all you say is ‘pretty cool’?!” you want to laugh “was it not tiring?”

“yeah I guess” he shrugs ever so slightly “but it was fun”

mark is so amazing— so incredible at everything he does, he’s so passionate and has so much fun that sometimes you forget it’s even his job

“I love you so much” you whisper lovingly raking your fingers from the top of marks forehead all the way to the base of his neck

he accidentally lets out a slow groan, “oh god”

then you can’t stop the laughter bursting out from your throat

your laughing body shakes mark up and he moves so that he can look at your face; a chin on your chest

he’s frowning ever so cutely at you, “don’t laugh” a small pout plays on his sweet lips

with a smile you give him a small kiss, “okay I won’t”

when he shuffles back into his previous position he whispers back, “I love you too”

day +40 [9:22AM]

“let’s get it let’s get it!!”

“we’re just frying an egg mark.”

day +49 [10:02PM]

mark can’t stop staring at you; the way you breathe ever so lightly, your features relaxed, your lips parted and your hair sprawled across the couch

but the best thing about it: he can stop cleaning the mess all around you both just to get a closer look at your face, he can freely brush his fingers through your soft locks and he doesn’t have to hide the stupid grin on his face either

before he would have to hold himself back— sometimes even now he almost forgets that you’re finally his

it makes him so happy

mark leans down and presses the softest kiss to the edge of your lips

he breathes a smile; haha you taste a little like the popcorn you shared earlier

mark never admits this is his favorite part of friday film nights

day +67, what it’s like with his brothers

“okay...” you narrow your eyes in confusion, “then what?”

“then strony.” taeil smiles at you

he says that like it makes complete sense

“you lost me again” you say

they all start laughing, jaehyun laughing the hardest, “it’s not really something to understand, there’s no meaning” he’s smiling really widely

do they not know that’s exactly what makes it confusing? “what you said makes no sense” you massage your temple

you’ve been at this for a while; trying to understand a joke that has no substance to it

it was a way of passing time by at the dorms whilst you were waiting for mark and dongyuck to come back from dream schedules

a stupid, stupid way of passing time

honestly it’s something you should’ve expected from these guys

but nonetheless you’re still trying your best to wrap your head around the concept of ‘strony’

“whaaat” you slump your shoulder into doyoung who’s sitting beside you on the couch, “I don’t get it.”

“don’t get what?” mark says as he walks into the living room, donghyuck trailing close behind

“strony” taeil says as the two boys join the bunch of you in the living room as if there wasn’t enough of you in there already

mark chooses to sit on the floor between your legs, his back resting on the couch as your fingers automatically start playing with his ears

“it’s like” mark snaps his fingers, “kind of like um, lemme think of an example uh”

“like when mark was too shy to tell us what happened to you two in the pool, we would say: ‘oooo strony’” donghyuck takes this as the perfect opportunity to tease his bestie

“h— what!!!” marks eyes go wide in disbelief and he looks back a forth between all the boys exasperatedly

the sudden mention of the embarrassing past got his heart thumping

“or how his face got red just at the mention of your name” jaehyun grins giving a low high five to donghyuck

mark chokes, “what! I—what?! I—“ his arms going up and down speechless

“don’t overreact mark,” yuta laughs

you look down at mark, despite his giggling, he’s still trying to hide his pink flushed cheeks with his hands over face, “ohmygod”

“you should’ve seen marks face when we asked him what you gave him for his birthday” doyoung chirps in with a sly smile

mark slumps his face and arms into your thigh, “oh my gooood” his voice muffled

he thinks it’s so embarrassing

you pat the top of his cute head, “why?” you ask teasingly, but you know exactly why

because you remember that day so clearly, it seemed like so long ago when you gave him that kiss

“oh my god no, it was worse on your last day of the show” johnny claps his hands, “baby mark came home crying”

he did what?!

you choke. mark never told you that

the boys burst out in laughter

“eyy~ wait wait man!! that’s such an overreaction!!” mark points at johnny, his face wrinkled up, then leans his head back into your lap with a hand over his forehead, “it wasn’t like that!!”

“poor mark was like: ‘I’m not going to see her again~’ ‘do you think she’s okay?~’ ‘what if she goes swimming without meee~’” haechan relentlessly teases mark with a funny voice, his fists pulled together at his chin feigning cuteness as he sniffs fake tears away

mark sharply looks up again with an inevitably cute angry face “hey lee donghyuck!!” he kicks donghyuck’s crossed legs with his socked feet, “I don’t sound like that”

“‘hey lee donghyuck~ I don’t sound like that~’” donghyuck echos with a huge grin

it makes mark grit his teeth and kick him more, so the younger boy moves closer into taeyongs arms to protect himself

“ahhh so cute!!!” winwin pinches marks pink ear

mark aggressively, yet adorably, whacks winwins hand away and blindly finds your wrists to cover his ears with your palms, “ah stoopp!! really. seriously stop!!”

you couldn’t think of a time when they didn��t tease mark

after visiting the boys on a regular, you got used to this dynamic

and eventually got comfortable with them to the point where you could hang out in their dorm and listen to them tease mark. it ended up like this all the time; mark always being the butt of their jokes—mostly because his reactions were to die for—partially because he was an easy victim

plus, it got a whole lot easier when you were in the picture; it was too easy for mark to get embarrassed

honestly you didn’t mind. it was actually kind of fun

at times you even enthusiastically joined in, especially with the dreamies, when all innocent mark wanted to do was refuge between your arms out of humiliation

later, he would call you a betrayer and refuse you give you a kiss; he was so cute

“remember the night he came to rehearsals all sulky because he had to leave y/n early?!” yuta slaps a palm onto marks shin

“nonono I’m not listening!!” mark places his hands over yours as if it would make more of a barrier to prevent their teasing words to reach his ears

however, despite the endless disgrace on his image and ego, mark loved to see the relationship between all of his favorite people grow because of him

he loves the way you get along with them so easily, and he loves the way his brothers make you feel so welcome

like you’re all one big family

mark can’t even begin to explain how happy that makes him feel

day +81, [12:19AM]

when mark makes his way to the sofa section of the renovated dance practice room, he sees that you’ve fallen fast asleep

you’re lying on your side, sleeping peacefully on your arms

he crouches down by the side of the sofa so that he’s face-level with yours, placing his chin on the back of his hands that lie flat on the spot in front of your face

his eyes shift down the features of your face he loves so much, then he uses his index finger to carefully brush a few strands of your hair back

it’s an excuse to touch your face while your sleeping

you’ve been waiting for him to finish practising, despite mark insisting on you going home to sleep

he was surprised you could even sleep with their music blaring away non-stop, it was cute

mark lightly grazes his hand past the side of your face till it tucks so perfectly under your ear, his thumb gently rubbing your cheek

the proximity still never fails makes his heart pound in his chest

then he leans forward to delicately kiss your parted lips, his own pressing against yours as lightly as possible

as you stir awake, your eyes immediately meet his, “oh.. oh! you finished?” you croak

mark giggles at the sleepy tone of your voice, “yeah come on, time to go home”

day +89 [7:34PM]

[New message] Lion cub 7:34PM, I’m giving mina flowers tomorrow when we mc

you 7:34PM, lmao mark

you 7:34PM, you don’t need to tell me stuff like this all the time

Lion cub 7:35PM, I know

Lion cub 7:35PM, but just a heads up

you 7:35PM, you say this every time you get given the script

you 7:36PM, I know its all part of the show baby

Lion cub 7:36PM, okay just

Lion cub 7:37PM, I love you okay?

you 7:37PM, I know mark, and I love you too

you 7:38PM, now go finish script reading!!!!

a little later, your phone lights up again

[New Message] Lion cub 7:45PM, I feel like I'm betraying u in a way

you look at your phone then snort a laugh, god he’s so cute

day +128, when he finds solutions

“mark?” you say quietly. you can’t sleep.

you’re both laying in his bed; marks arms are wrapped around your waist from behind and his face is buried comfortably in the nape of your neck.

mark stays silent, eyes pretending to be closed.

“you asleep?” you say even quieter

a long train of noiseless seconds drags by

“I’m awake.” he finally mumbles into your skin

“can we talk?” you intertwine your fingers with the hand that’s over your waist

marks heart drops and all his thoughts crash over him in a heap. he holds you tighter, “okay.”

contradict to your words, for a few moments, neither of you say anything

you don’t know where to start.

but you know you need to talk about it

mark feels it too

lately he’s been feeling something oddly distant about your relationship, but the entire time he had tried to convince himself it was just a figment of his imagination since it was never brought up

at times mark felt the need to overcompensate with extra kisses and hugs but he always ended up doing them at randomly awkward times

mark felt like maybe he was making it worse

“for the past month,” you start, “I feel like.. things have been different”

you continue when mark hums in response, “I don’t see you anymore— you don’t let me see you anymore.”

your words stab him in the heart

“you don’t mean to, I know it’s not on purpose or anything, I just wanted you to know...” you whisper

he doesn’t respond

mark didn’t know it was because of this

“never mind. this is dumb.” you mumble quickly trying to retract your statement “it’s not like you can control your schedule or anything.” you’re worried his silence meant something bad

but mark fell quiet because his heart had sunk to the bottom of his stomach and his throat ran dry from the raw truth of your words

you feel his facial features scrunch up against the nape of your neck, then he hugs you tighter; mark never ever wants you to feel uncomfortable about expressing your thoughts, especially when it’s something between the two of you, he’ll listen to you no matter what, and he wanted you to know that

he kisses the nape of your neck before turning you around so he can look into your eyes

“I’m the stupid one for not realising,” mark says quietly “I ..I’m sorry I made you feel that way, really.” there’s a doleful look on his face

so you reassure him with a small smile before giving him a chaste kiss to the tip of his cute nose

“tell me next time okay? I don’t like it when you’re sad.” mark pouts, his expression crestfallen

his words calm you down a little, so you bury your head into his chest and nod

he smells so good

mark hugs you, placing a chin on top of your head as your legs tangle together

it gives you the courage to say everything that’s been on your mind lately

so your words muffle into his chest as you spill your heart to him

mark feels terrible. he really wants to be a better boyfriend. but it’s not so easy to balance out his time when he has so many things piling up in his schedule already

maybe there was a way you could be with him all the time

because mark hates the way your words sound so heavyhearted, he can’t stand it. he never wants to see you like this again. especially when it’s because of him.

“travel with me” mark blurts out

“what” you say moving out from under his chin to look at his face, but you’re faced with determination that is all of a sudden etched into his cute features

you raise a brow, he can’t be serious..

“travel with me. I’ll take you with me abroad.” mark thinks it’s a great idea!! that way he can spend time with you even during his busy schedule

“is that even allowed? what if I distract you? what if fans catch us?”

“I’m more distracted when I miss you,” he presses his forehead against yours, “and we won’t get caught, promise.”

day +143, when he’s embarrassed

you kick your shoes off once you’ve settled down in your seat on the plane, all the other seats around you empty as you wait

“excuse me, is this seat taken?”

surprised, you look up to see mark, his hand politely gesturing at the empty spot next to you with a stupid grin on his face

“you’re so dumb” you laugh pulling onto his wrist so he could just sit down

“yes it was booked by an idiot called mark lee” you roll your eyes

mark laughs at his own joke then shoves your arm playfully

“so how was it?” he asks, taking off his cap and jacket

he’s talking about the airport craze, “strange” you say “I didn’t think it would be that crazy”

earlier you were instructed to arrive before nct did to avoid the hectic rush of fans

the plan was to get you in first, but even before nct had arrived there were so many fans at the airport already! it was so late in the evening too! to think that fans we’re this dedicated was almost hard to believe

“yeah it’s real crazy, but the gesture’s nice” johnny chirps in as he puts his something into the overhead compartment beside yours

“you get used to it” ten shrugs unintentionally pompous leaning against your chair from behind, his arms crossed on top of the head of your seat

“woah alright there mr.I’m-so-popular” doyoung says sarcastically from the opposite isle

mark tries to hide is laugh by lowering his head and pinching the bridge of his nose in fake shame

“okay! everyone’s here” taeyong interrupts, still standing in the aisle from counting all of his members, “and plus one” he smiles sweetly at you and you smile back

“at least you didn’t see it,” jaehyun continues the conversation from beside doyoung

the smile on your face vanishes, “see what?” you raise an eyebrow

“I mean it’s another thing to experience it, but to see what the crowds do to.. mark, for example, it’s bad.”

“yeah sometimes I don’t realise how hectic it really is until I see the videos” ten breathes a laugh as if those words weren’t all that concerning

johnny nods, “I appreciate their love, really, like, they have good intentions” he adds

“wait what?” you grab onto marks wrist, “what do they do?”

“nothing” marks slips his wrist out of your clasp so that he can hold your hand instead, fingers intertwined, “don’t worry about it” he says

the distress etched into his features makes you doubt him a little

but mark doesn’t want to say

he’s afraid you’ll worry about him too much, or that you’ll get really upset watching the videos. it gets really scary sometimes, and the least he can do is protect you from that

before you can get an answer from him the pilot starts speaking though the overhead speakers

mark gives your hand a squeeze and mouths “later babe” before he lets go to put his seatbelt on

but later never comes

because the cabin lights dim and mark accidentally ends up dead asleep on your shoulder

so you play with his fingers on your lap instead, it’s something you do in place of playing with his cute ears when you’re not in the position to reach them comfortably

mark loves it when you do that

when you play with his ear, fingers, hair— letting you hold him

especially when you slip a hand up under his shirt, either to rest it on his lower back or hold his waist

it sends tingles over his skin

most of the time, you do these things naturally, without even realising that your hand has snuck under his shirt because it’s so comfy

but sometimes, when you’re alone, you purposely send shivers down marks spine because you enjoy the cute noises he can’t help but make

suddenly the limp fingers you were playing with on your lap moved to lace loosely with yours

a smile tugs at your lips “you awake?” you whisper

mark hums in response, then after a long second he brings the hand laced with yours to his lips so he can press a lazy kiss to the skin on the back of your hand

“you can go back to sleep, you must be sleepy” you figure the practice he had done all morning and a flight this late at evening was taking a toll on his body

mark wants to be awake though. so he lifts his head off your shoulder and shuffles a little in his seat, “no I’m awake” he clears his throat

he doesn’t get enough alone time with you often, and he’d rather chat with you then catch up on some shut eye

“let me just—“ but when mark lifts himself off of his seat to pull the small pillow from under him, he ends up knocking a cup of water over that was out on his fold-out table

“—oh shit.” mark gasps when he catches the cup too late causing the water to spill all over his bottom half

for a moment, you both pause in shock

the two of you glance between the wet spot that’s spreading into his pants and then at each others faces; marks eyes are wide, eyebrows raised high

his shoulders are scrunched up and he’s biting down on his bottom lip to suppress a wide grin

suddenly you can’t help but snort a laugh, “jeez mark” you’re trying not to chuckle so loud when everyone else around you is asleep

he pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment and shakes his head, “aaahh” he sighs like a fool

you reach out to pinch his ear; he’s so dumb, it’s so cute

mark scrunches his facial features together in distress and lifts his chin up to the ceiling, “oh my god,” he mutters

you pinch his cheek and laugh, mark can be such a klutz, you think it’s adorable

but mark thinks it makes him look like an idiot

pulling some tissues out, you start to pat him down between his legs, “you’re so stupid—“

“w-wait” mark stutters, “wait s-stop” his hand suddenly comes down to grip your wrist halting your movements

“what?” you say trying to pry out of his hand, “mark the water’s getting everywhere! cmon let me help you before—“

his other hand flies to your wrist “ah!—p” mark quickly purses his lips, abruptly stopping the noise he makes after you press down on him again

you look at him weirdly, an awkward smile on your face

“uh I can do it” he pulls the tissues out of your hands with flushed cheeks, “I can do it I can do it” he repeats quietly

you raise a brow, “are you okay?”

“um yeah” mark gulps, eyes still focused on cleaning himself up “you can’t— you can’t do that”

“do what?” you observe mark weirdly as he finishes drying the wet patch on his crotch

you blink in realisation, “oh.”

then you cough a laugh and slap a hand over your mouth, “jeez mark seriously?”

he puts the tissues into the now empty cup then slaps it back onto the fold-out table

mark takes one look at you and then rolls his eyes, tongue wiping over his bottom lip as he turns his head to the side to avoid locking gazes with you

he sighs a smile and shakes his head, god he doesn’t want to laugh

“you know I can’t help it” mark can barely mutter with the huge smile threatening to show

“I’m— you know I get—“ his hands are doing that funny up-and-down motion, “and it’s been a while since we’ve done anything because I’ve been busy—like doing other things—and you know that,” he’s muttering quickly under his breath all embarrassed

“alright alright,” you link arms with him and slide your hand down to hold his, then lean closer to his face, “when we get to the hotel then” you whisper against his lips

god it drives him crazy

mark glances down at your lips for a long second before he presses his soft ones against yours

his eyes flutter close as he lets his imagination run wild for a brief moment

but before he gets carried away, he pulls back

“okay” mark licks his lips and inhales “okay okay” he repeats as if to steady his racing heart and dizzying thoughts

this time, you rest your head on his shoulder and he places his on top of yours, a comfortable silence washing over the two of you

“but um,” mark breaks the quietness, “do you have more tissues? I can feel the water in my underwear”

you crack a smile, “oh my god mark” the one thing that’s changed about mark when getting into your relationship is his tendency to overshare at every wrong possible time

day +144, when he can finally let go

“there’s two separate beds.” mark says disappointed as you both roll your luggages into the hotel room for the first time

“we can switch rooms? or push them together?” if that was even possible, the beds didn’t have wheels did they? “but first things first, go change” you tell mark

“oh right!” it’s like he’s forgotten his pants are damp, “okay!!” mark exclaims as he grabs some stuff and heads into the bathroom

the moment the door closes behind him, there’s a sudden knock on your front door

surprised, you pull it open to see doyoung smiling at you

“oh hey, what’s up?”

doyoung cranes his neck to look down the hallway on the left, “some of us are going to grab some food, you guys hungry?” he asks

you look at your phone, it’s past midnight. they’re hungry now?

out of nowhere haechan jumps into doyoung, an arm wrapping around the older boys shoulders, who grunts from the impact as he half catches him

haechan gives you a cheeky smile “come on it’ll be fun”

“um, one sec” you lean your body back, “mark! you hungry?” you yell towards the direction of the bathroom door.

“what?!” mark yells back

you clear your throat and smile foolishly at his cute response, “maybe we’ll catch up with you later” you say after turning back to look at the closed bathroom door, “mark’s dealing with something at the moment”

“come on man!” lucas’ deep voice echos down the hallway, you peer your head past your door frame to see the tall boy waving his arms, kun smiling calmly next to him

“me too me too!!” chenle comes skipping from the opposite end blowing past doyoung, haechan and you

you look down the way chenle came from and see some other members lingering at the opposite end. “do we... occupy this whole hallway or what?” you raise a brow at doyoung

he grins back at you “fortunately, yes”

when mark finally comes out of the bathroom, all the boys are gone and you’re lying starfish on one of the beds looking up at your phone

“everyone’s gone out to eat” you say to mark whilst sending a text message to the group chat, “you hungry? we can catch up with them? they said they’re just down the road”

“nah” mark takes the opportunity to jump onto your body, his chest crashing into you, making you groan and giggle at the same time, “let’s stay here” he says

“okay I’ll tell the boys” you’re still chuckling as you continue to type on your phone

mark shuffles upwards under your arms and uses his cute head to block your vision

“mark what are you doing?” you laugh

he leans down to peck your cheek—finally some real alone time with you

“mark—“ he rapidly pecks your nose, forehead then eyebrow, “hey—“ then everywhere else on your face till your both giggling

“put the phone down” he breathes, a smirk playing on his lips

so you do

then drape your arms over his shoulders, “then what?” you tease

mark leans down till his cute nose brushes against yours, “kiss me” he’s grinning silly

without a second thought you pull him down by the nape of his neck and seal your lips to his

encouraged by your sweet invitation, mark pulls at the soft of your lips, humming lowly into your mouth; he’s missed this so, so much

it’s been so long since mark’s had the chance to have you all to himself, alone and pinned down under his frame

and it felt so good

he meshes his body against yours, god he loves the way you fit so perfectly in his arms

your skin burns under his touch

you’ve missed this too; not being able to be together all the time anymore made kissing and cuddling different, like you wanted to cherish every second of it even more than before

your fingers carded through the hair on the back of his head with a slight tug

it shot tingling sensations down marks back, electrifying his nerves

mark leans away ever so slightly, eyelids still shut and wet lips grazing over yours as he inhales slowly

that feeling he gets when you do that; he can’t control himself even when he knows you do it on purpose just so you can see his reaction

and mark is spot on; you love to see his pretty face relax under your fingers

you lean up a little to kiss his parted lips

despite the unrelenting indecent thoughts flooding in his mind, he responds back slowly and delicately

mark breaks contact with your mouth to kiss your jaw, “god I missed this” he mutters into your skin making you giggle

“you’re so beautiful” his wet lips hover over your skin till they reach under your collarbones; he wanted to explore every bit of you, every bit he loved so much

the change of angle, from him shifting lower, allowed mark to slip his arms around the back of your knees to raise them, naturally making his hips flush into yours

there’s been so many times where you’d get interrupted by his schedule; the hours on the clock seemingly passing by so fast the next thing he’d know his manager is waiting outside

all those times he wished so bad that he could just put his job on pause

and finally now he could hold you and kiss you to his hearts content without anyone telling him to stop, it was the only thing on his mind for the rest of that plane ride

mark leans his forehead into the skin under your collarbone, so you slowly run your fingers through his hair again, the pads of your fingers massaging his scalp

a low groan emits from the back of his throat

it made you want his lips so bad

so you pull him back up to kiss his panting mouth

marks heart was hammering in his chest

jesus he loves you so much, he missed you so so much and he wanted you to know so bad; know that you deserved it, because you really really did, after all the things you’ve done for him and how patient you’ve been

“oh my god I love you” mark thinks out loud

when he lets go of your thighs to grip onto your waist, you hook them around his hips to pull him into a rhythm

mark could say those words to you more than a hundred times but it will never feel like enough

panting between the sloppy kisses he pushes you harder into the bed

you smile against his lips, “I love you too”

you slide a hand up the back of his shirt, fingers slowing tracing up the pebbles of his spine

it sends sparks across his skin

you wonder whether marks been thinking about this since the accident on the plane, it’s kind of funny to you; how needy the boy could get

the thought of it literally makes you laugh a little, interrupting the pace of your kissing

“what’s so funny?” mark says still trying to kiss at your lips, but when you can’t stop smiling he stops to look at you, propping himself up on his forearms giving you an annoyed look—such a cute annoyed look

with your other hand you rub up and down between his shoulders and biceps, everything he does is so adorable to you

you move your hand up the side of his neck skimming past his cheekbone to his ear, with a loving smile

then you pinch at his ear, tugging at it a little with affection, “you’re so cute” you give a quick peck to his glistening lips

his face softens and he sighs a smile at your response, you always say that

then he’s back to tugging at your lips lovingly

you welcome his touch again and respond easily at his warmth

once your shirt is off, a hand travels up your back to start fiddling with the clasp of your bra

you feel mark stop kissing you back to concentrate on his fingers

instead he nuzzles his nose into your cheek

a moment passes then you feel his face scrunch up against your skin, his fingers still playing with the fabric on your back

“I can’t—“ mark frowns propping himself up a little “how do you do this?”

his cute confused face makes you laugh

feeling wonderfully dizzy, you bring a hand to hold the side of his face so he can look at you, “relax,” your other hand moves to your back and brushes past his fingers, “we’ve got all night”

day +147 [8:17AM]

you’re travelling back today, and everyone is awake, except mark.

so when doyoung turns up at your door with his sons the dreamies, they take it as the perfect opportunity to attack marks frail heart

under donghyuck’s orders, you all stand around the bed as jaemin carefully climbs into it to lie beside mark

once jaemin’s comfy, donghyuck gives you the signal

“baby wake up” you slap a hand over your mouth to stifle a laugh after saying the exact words donghyuck had previously directed

when the oblivious leader wraps his arms around jaemin, like predicted, all of you get so close to bursting out in laughter it hurts your stomach: renjun clings onto chenle as a way of holding out his cackling and jisung slowly falls to his knees cringing in front of jeno who’s hands are tightly gripping the youngers shoulders

to add to the flame, jaemin nuzzles into marks embrace with a cute smile

it makes donghyuck slap doyoungs upper arm violently with a huge grin on his face and tears brimming his eyes

to top it off, jaemin calls for mark with the most affection and cuteness in his voice he can muster and waits adorably for a response

without opening his eyes, mark makes this really weird face and retreats his chin back with a questioning hum

he squints his eyes open scrunching his nose, clearly struggling to fight the sleep away, to see jaemin tucked into his arms

“oh my god!!!!!” mark immediately jumps away shoving the boy at his shoulders

the entire room bursts out in loud laughter; renjun bounces up and down as he shakes chenles screaming self, jisung whacks the bed with his arm as jeno squeals and scrunches his face up gripping jisung’s shoulders harder, and donghyuck and doyoung are jumping in each other’s arms as they violently shaking each other like mad

mark takes one look around the room and his pillow comes flying in your direction

but it doesn’t stop the laughter

“ya!!—sh” mark grits his teeth, his fingers curling in embarrassment in front of his face, then he slaps a hand over his forehead and falls flush into the duvets head first, “oh my god” he muffles into the sheets

“mark lee what!!—” donghyuck’s voice is all high pitched and his laughter rings across the room “ what are you doing?!”

“you!!—“ mark throws another pillow in donghyuck’s direction biting his bottom lip from laughing because he wants to seem intimidating

then with a pink flush on his cheeks, mark launches himself over jaemins rolling body and pretends to violently wrestle with the giggling boy

later when doyoung brings it up over breakfast, mark wants to die right then and there.

“you should’ve seen his face!!!!!” donghyuck’s laughing all over again

“oKAY!!” mark waves his arms around, “okay!! okay, okay, okay end!!” he tries to cut off everyones laughter and moves away from renjun pinching his ears, “okay!!! that’s enough!!”

day +160, when he’s in his element

you watch mark scrunch his nose in thought as he tries to help jisung in the recording booth

one arm is comfortably slung around your shoulders offering you some warmth, whilst his other hand was filled with sheets of lyrics and notes

you stare at him dreamy; you love when he’s like this, it makes you feel all giddy inside

mark almost switches into a completely different person the moment he walks into the recording studio; his “work brain turned on” is what he says

he casually uses the hand that’s draped around your shoulder to scratch his chin and push his glasses up, his bare face leaning down till his cheek accidentally brushes the tip of your nose

but you keep quiet and stay unbothered because he’s still talking to jisung

you rarely see mark this serious and it’s just as much admirable as it is interesting— you almost forget how much of a stupidly cute klutz he is moments before you enter the room

“nervous why?” mark chuckles at jisung

jisung clears his throat into the mic, “I don’t know”

“come on, you got this” mark says with an upbeat tone, “let’s get it!”

once jisung starts recording again, mark removes his arm from your body to place both his elbows on his thighs, leaning forward in concentration

jisung is perfect this time round

it makes mark turn to look at you, his scruffy hair brushed away from his bare face

then he sends you a charming smirk, obviously very proud of his youngest, before standing up to go ruffle the said boys hair once he’s out the booth

when mark asks you why you don’t mind him dragging you to their recordings, you don’t tell him it’s because of exactly this

day +162 [1:45PM]

you 1:45PM, we still meeting up?

you 1:45PM, I have your hoodie ;)

you 2:32PM, mark?

you 2:32PM, text me so I know if I should leave my place or not ????

you 3:15PM, ?

you 3:27PM, okay don’t worry!

you 3:27PM, practice has probably run over hm

you 3:28PM, thats okay :) I wont come today so u can rest

you 3:28PM, take care of yourself💗

day +170, when he forgets again

mark still isn’t back yet. he said he would be by 8PM, but it’s way past that hour and you’re sitting on his sofa flicking through films on the tv. the rest of 127 are here in their rooms, doing their own thing. it’s not weird though; you being in the dorms without mark. just quiet.

you sigh and look at the empty space beside you, you miss him. but he’s not answering his phone.

“he’s still not here?” you turn your head to see johnny holding a cup of coffee

“no,” you exhale defeated

“want me to call the other dreamies?”

“their phones are probably off too,” you shrug, “can you sit with me instead?”

johnny pauses to look at the front door, a hopeless expression etched into his features

it takes him a second to agree, “what film were you supposed to watch?” he takes marks place on the sofa after placing his mug on the coffee table

you shrug offering to share the blanket you had on

he pulls it over his legs, “want me to choose?” then he takes the remote out of your hands

johnny picks “the little prince”, a cute film

a cute film you ended up falling asleep to

soon enough, your head was limp on johnnys shoulder, your eyes shut and breathing slow, completely burnt out against his frame

johnny carefully pulled the phone from his back pocket: “11:43PM” it read

he glanced at your sleeping form, he felt so bad.

[New Message] johnny 11:44PM, where you at?

mark lee 11:45PM, srry just turned on my phone

mark lee 11:45PM, still practicing why?

johnny 11:46PM, you’re an idiot

mark lee 11:46PM, hahaha why

johnny 11:47PM, just come home already bro

johnny throws his phone to the side, mark can be so clueless sometimes

it’s hard to think mark doesn’t see it, when everyone else can, he can get so coped up in his own passion that it gets in the way of your relationship.

these days you see more of the older members than mark.

you don’t mind, since you’ve all become great friends anyway, there’ll even be days where you chill with them when mark isn’t free, but other than that friday film nights had seemed to no longer be just a ‘you and mark thing’

honestly, you expected an extent of this busy life, you understood the path that mark had taken when getting into the relationship

so you were well aware of the consequences. like being prepared to have a flexible schedule, because sometimes practice or recording might just take longer than planned and that was fine, for a couple of months

but for it to go to this extent— even johnny and the others were starting to be well aware of your sticky situation

johnny gazes down to your sleeping form

he frowns and purses his lips

it’s a difficult situation to get out of—difficult to even to talk about, and johnny feels like it might end up being his responsibility to step in soon if neither of you get things sorted out, it would be great if you guys had a simple chat about it

but from how things were looking, that chat probably wouldn’t be anytime soon

johnny felt bad.

so he decides to lend you his shoulder for a bit to let you catch up on some sleep before he sends you home

when mark and haechan finally walk through the front door, johnny is cleaning up the mess you both left on the couch

“she left” johnny says as he turns off the tv, “said she’s too sleepy for another film, she’ll text you tomorrow’”

then it clicks; mark remembers that it’s friday

meaning friday film nights

his heart sinks

“shit man” he scrunches his face up in regret, “I should call...” mark fumbles around looking for his phone

when he does call, you don’t answer

day +186, when he snaps at you

with your hands full, you struggle to use your elbow to open the door to the practice room

music immediately blares at your ears once you’re inside, then you use the bottom of your foot to lightly kick the door closed behind you

mid-performance, the boys don’t stop dancing but instead make eye contact with you through the mirror, and you smile lifting the bags of food you have

despite the serious rehearsal, some of them can’t help but smile back too

except mark

“keep going” mark raises his voice over the music to his dancing members dodging past them as he walks swiftly towards you

“don’t stop dancing! I’ll just be on the sofa—“

mark grabs a hold of your forearm before you can walk past him, “what are you doing here?”

“I...” you were at a loss at his offensive tone, you thought it was obvious why you were here, “I brought you food?”

mark moves closer to you and leans down, his hand still on your arm, “we’re in the middle of practice.” his voice stern

“you texted me saying you guys were hungry so—“

“you shouldn’t be here.”

your heart spikes at his harsh tone

unable to form even simple words you blink your eyes at marks exhausted ones

only then he realises his hostility

“I mean, it’s busy— we’re busy. right now.” mark sighs, his hand finally letting go of your arm.

“I can just sit on the sofa like usual..” but your voice trails off when you see mark frustratedly rake his fingers through his hair

“I’ll come back later then.” you say trying to retract your previous statement

“you know I don’t mean it like that” his eyebrows furrow, he’s not frustrated at you but himself

“no, it’s okay.. I’ll just, I’ll come back later”

the dejected look on your face that you try to cover with a fake smile makes mark feel terrible

his expression softens, “here pass the—“

“um if you could help me open the door, that would be great ..please” you say as nice as you can, trying to pretend his words didn’t hurt

mark retracts his hand away from the bags in your hand, “sure.” he mumbles

when the door closes behind you, you let out a deep sigh

“need help with the door?” a familiar voice calls out to you

you snap your head up to see jaehyun, who’s stopped to stand just in front of you, his sleeves were rolled up and hands were damp—toilet break, you assume

“no no, I’m going back to the car park,” you half smile, “thank you though”

“already?” he gives you a funny look as he pats his hands dry on his shirt, “want me to walk you there?”

“no you should get back to practi—“

“come on then,” he interrupts with a dimpled smile taking the weight off your hands, then he’s walking in the other direction

“what’s in these?” jaehyun asks once you’ve jogged up to him to match his pace

“chicken, I brought food”

he gives you the weirdest look, “they refused the chicken?” surprise evident in his voice

it makes you laugh, “no, mark told me to come back later, he said you’re all busy”

“oh.” jaehyun clears his throat nodding slowly

then neither of you speak until you get to your car

“I’ll take these back up,” jaehyun smiles lifting the plastic bags, “otherwise your journey will be in vain”

you open your mouth to refuse his kind words, but he beats you to it, “plus they’ll get cold”

you let yourself relax a little at his attempt to lighten you up

you expect jaehyun to walk back inside once you’re belted in the car but he lingers for a little bit at your door

curious, you roll down the window

after a long second jaehyun exhales “he’s just tired.” he says, and you know who he’s talking about

you give him a sad smile, “thanks jae”

day +187 [12:30AM]

[New Message] Canada Lee 12:30AM, you didn't come back

Canada Lee 12:32AM, no, sorry

Canada Lee 12:32AM, its my fault.

Canada Lee 12:32AM, I didn't mean to yell at you like that

Canada Lee 12:33AM, I'm so tired and I'm sorry

Canada Lee 12:33AM, nvm that's a dumb excuse

Canada Lee 12:37AM, jaehyun just told me you went home alone

Canada Lee 12:37AM, you home safe?

you 12:41AM, yeah

Canada Lee 12:41AM, can I call you?

you 12:43AM, sorry

you 12:43AM, was just about to sleep

Canada Lee 12:44AM, oh

Canada Lee 12:44AM, okay

Canada Lee 12:44AM, yeah sleep, you must be sleepy

Canada Lee 12:45AM, goodnight❤️

you 12:47AM, night

day +200, when he breaks down

you happily swing open your front door to see an incredibly exhausted mark

his head isn’t held high like usual and his features have wilted from fatigue and stress

the adrenaline grip you have around the surprise present you have behind your back loosens, “mark..”

he gives you a sad smile, “hey” he sounds defeated

so you usher him onto the sofa, keeping the present away from his eyes until it’s safe enough to quickly stuff between a pile of coats

mark drops his backpack onto the floor and falls into your sofa with a puff, leaning his head all the way back

he’s completely worn out.

his muscles are weak from exhaustion and his brain is burnt out from stress; this week had been incredibly packed with shoots, rehearsing, filming, looking after the dreamies— mark hates to admit that it’s a lot to take on, especially because he doesn’t want to complain about something he truly loves to do

marks job is his hobby therefore he believes that he should be grateful no matter what

complaining won’t get him anywhere anyway

but you think it’s not so much about complaining or whining, you think he’s never able to accept when he’s too tired; he thinks too much about appreciating everything to its fullest, he ends up doing the opposite

like he tries way too hard to keep up with every opportunity life hits him with until he physically can’t because his body can’t take it anymore

don’t get it wrong though, you love when mark is able to show so much love and care for everything around him but

he doesn’t acknowledge how much it can take a toll on him

it’s dangerous because the exhaustion only really hits him when it’s over for the day

you feel bad. especially because on top of all of that mark still comes over to see you and uses what’s left of his effort to make you feel loved

you figure it’s best to leave the present between some coats and the cake in the kitchen; your 200th day isn’t that big of a deal anyway, right?

“are you okay?” you say into marks chest after he pulls you down to crash onto the sofa with him

you have a hand on his chest, fingers fiddling with his hoodie strings, and he has an arm wrapped around you, his heavy eyelids closed

mark just hums shortly in response, his deep tone vibrating from his throat

you listen to his soft breathing for a moment

you know how mark feels about ranting to you: he says he feels bad, like he shouldn’t have the right to because his job is everything he could’ve ever wanted

mark is so pure

this raw innocence in him that’s impossible to ignore

for a while you just listen to the soft rhythm of his breathing

being patient was also important with mark, sometimes he just needs time to collect his thoughts and reassurance that he can tell you anything

marks eyes are closed, you wonder whether it’s from exhaustion or in thought

“they won’t forget me right?” mark finally speaks up

it takes you a second to realise who he’s talking about but once it clicks, you move the hand on his chest to his waist and give him a squeeze, “mark you’re not leaving nct entirely, don’t worry”

“it feels like it” he mutters, then he feels you smile, “no really— seriously!”

“but you’re not mark, you’ll see them all the time. and trust me, how could they forget a leader like you”

mark sighs “I don’t want to leave them. I won’t see them as much.. it’s not fair”

you wait for him to continue

“I know they make fun of me and stuff but I’ll miss it, you know? and being the oldest for once.. it’s actually really fun. like it’s different with the other guys. I don’t know” he brushes his nose with the back of his finger, then sniffs

“I’ll really miss them... promotions aren’t even over but.. and I haven’t even.. um I don’t know— we—we uh don’t really talk about me leaving to be honest. It’s— I don’t know, kind of, you know like, kind of hard to—” mark feels a sharp pinch in his chest “—believe.”

you exhale, he must have been holding this in for a long time... like he’s been refusing to talk about the inevitable future from the start

you push yourself off of his chest so you can look at him

what you don’t expect is to see a tear running down his cheek, his eyes still closed

the air is almost knocked out of you at the sight, your heart stopping for that second

“oh mark..” you place a hand on his face to wipe his tears away

mark leans up and inhales shakily as he opens his eyes; they glisten with tears

it reminds you of the first time he cried in front of you; in that bathroom shy of any cameras and just two honest hearts

“why am I crying?” mark sighs a sad smile, “I don’t know why I’m crying,” then he starts mumbling stuff under his breath about how he’s stupid he is as his cheeks flush pink in embarrassment

“it’s okay mark,” you pull his face into the crevice your neck hugging his body tightly, “you can cry”

when mark hears those words

when he hears your soothing voice

he allows himself to let go completely into your arms, crying softly until he’s too tired to cry anymore and telling you things he’s never told anyone before

like how he really feels about leaving the dreamies behind, “they say that they need me but... I feel like I’m the one who needs them” he sniffs

you keep quiet and listen, often nodding to remind him you’re still listening as he speaks away quietly into your neck

mark goes off on a tangent once in a while, “one time we got revenge on donghyuck..” about things he suddenly remembers and sulks cutely into your shoulder about it

then he tires himself out like a baby; crying so much until he falls asleep

so you rub his back soothingly until you fall asleep too

mark doesn’t often do this, only when it really builds up in his brain and crashes over him and he can’t take it anymore

it’s as if he starts malfunction like a robot, like a reminder that he’s human too; because mark is always playing perfect to SM’s perfect expectations without a single complain like he’s unreal

you wish you could do more to help him

but mark thinks you do more than enough.

he thinks that he doesn’t deserve such a kindhearted person like you because there’s so much you give him that he feels like he can’t return

mark doesn’t even know where he would be if you didn’t let him hold you like this, or cry to you like this

it’s why he loves you so much

when you wake up, mark is gone

so you slug into the kitchen opening the door with sleepy eyes until you see then back of his form, standing frozen and looking down onto the table

“mark? I thought you—“

“what’s this?” he turns his body to reveal the cake, it’s red letters spelling ‘our 200th’

oh.. you forgot about that

“it’s nothing” you gulp shuffling past him to close the box over it again

mark watches you half in shock, half in frustration

“was this yesterday?” he stops you from putting it away, “why didn’t you tell me?”

you look at his confused face, his disappointing frown and slumped shoulders making you sigh

“you had other things to deal with mark, you know I’d rather you rest then celebrate this meaningless counting day thing”

“no” mark grabs your wrist and brings you closer, “it’s not meaningless, you should’ve told me!” he rubs his eyes with one hand

“it’s not a big deal” you try to dismiss it with a shrug, it’s best if you don’t add anymore stress onto him

“it’s a big deal if you bought this y/n” mark pulls you in by the waist so he can search your eyes, “it is a big deal”

you smile at him in hopes to calm him down

“oh my god I’m the worst boyfriend” mark scrunches his nose up in annoyance

“you’re not” you poke his nose

he pulls you in for a hug

“I am, I’m the worst, god I just suck,” he mumbles into your hair

you giggle into his chest and shake your head

“no really!” mark feels like he’s let you down one too many times now, and you’re always so patient and kind about it, “oh god and I cried to you yesterday— all I did was complain!”

“mark” you interrupt him

“I’m so sorry, I’ll make it up to you. honest.”

“mark don’t beat yourself up, I’m just happy you came over to see me okay?”

mark looks at you, his doe eyes riddled with worry. he bites his bottom lip, “okay”

later when you give him his present he almost punches himself in the face

day +205 [1:15PM]

mark seems stressed again, the 127 notes in his hands mixed with his ones for dream

this time his arm isn’t resting around your shoulders, instead he’s on the edge of his seat, hoodie sleeves rolled up and mind so focused on rehearsing his other recordings for another new album coming up

he chews on his bottom lip and taps his heel impatiently

so you rub his lower back in attempt to calm the weird feeling in his stomach

mark rubs his tired eyes, honestly it looks like he didn’t get much sleep last night

you speak up for the first time in the recording studio, “hey, you alright?” you know you promised to not disturb the sessions but marks expression made you really worry

mark turns to see a frown on your face, so he nods an unconvincing yes with a finger over his mouth; gesturing for you to stay quiet

but you don’t believe him, even his nod seemed exhausted

you purse your lips into a straight line, you’ll have to wait till after recording

mark just doesn’t want you to feel stressed because of him, it’s the last thing he needs. he’s got so many other people to worry about, and out of all of them he wants you to feel the least of the weight

day +213 [6:49PM]

“mark you’re doing it again” you say fingers fiddling with his ear

“no I’m not.” mark denies quietly into your waist, his head was resting on your lap, face facing your stomach so he would lazily wrap his arms around your hips

you sigh, “I’d be stupid to think you aren’t stressed”

he’s been doing this a lot lately, back to his old ways when quiet mark meant sad mark

it was to “protect you” apparently, but you wanted to protect him just as much as he wanted to protect you

“so tell me so we can both feel better” you try to persuade the boy

he buries his face deeper into your shirt pausing before reluctantly giving you a muffled “okay”

day +227 [8:23PM]

“oh I’ve watched that already” you tell mark as he flicks through films

“what?” mark makes a funny face, “when?”

“with johnny” you say

marks chest twists

you feel him tense up a little

“okay, how about this one?”

“sorry mark.. but I’ll watch it again for you!”

“oh.” he tries to unclench his jaw, “no let’s pick one we both haven’t seen”

day +238, when arguing becomes more frequent

you plunk your phone down onto marks pillow, you’re lying on his bed waiting for him to finish up lyric writing

“come on mark lee I’m bored” you roll over a little and rest your cheeks on your hands, “join me”

he rushes to write something in the notebook on his desk, “one second” he drags out

“you said you weren’t busy”

“I know I just”

“just have to write them down before you forget them yeah yeah” it’s not the first time mark’s said that

mark stops and swivels his chair around to face you; quickly, he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead a hand on the side of your head, then he whizzes back to writing on his desk

you sigh, “why did you call me over if you’re so busy?”

maybe you’re being a little selfish right now, but perhaps just once, you want to let yourself be. it’s always about working around marks schedule, and yes you understand why but maybe just this once..

plus, usually you don’t even mind; you let him do whatever and lie on his bed till he finishes up, sometimes even taking a nap, just as long as you’re in each others presence you’re grateful

but this time you’ve been at it for too long, rolling around in his bed and scrolling at nothing on your phone

“please mark” you whine

“baby wait” marks eyes never leave his notes

you sit up, “I have been waiting.”

he doesn’t respond

“mark?”

“maybe I should just go now it’s getting late” you swing your legs over his bed and stand to go grab your hoodie

mark swings around to grab your wrist, “wait, already?” he pulls you so you stand between his legs

“what do you mean already? it’s been ages mark.”

“I— I’m just.. let me um” marks thumbs rub circles into your hips but his eyes dart from your face, to the door, to his work

you sigh again, and bring a hand to the side of his face brushing your thumb back and forth over his cheekbone, “I’ll come over tomorrow”

mark lets himself nuzzle into your touch but stops abruptly, “I have a shoot tomorrow” he whispers

you drop your hand

“then stop writing please? and get into bed with me”

he hesitates, his mouth opening then closing again

“I’ll go.” you hate to pull away from his warmth

you’re about to open his door when—

“so what? you going to watch a film with johnny again?” mark blurts out

you almost can’t believe the words that come out of his mouth, “what?”

“what” mark can’t believe it either

“mark what did you just say”

he rubs a hand down his face, then wrinkles his nose “shit” he exhales, he wasn’t supposed to say it like that

“okay” he bites his lip

you wait

“okay listen I, um, okay it hurt me you know? like okay fine maybe a film or two but jesus y/n you don’t have to watch the whole universe with him” but his voice drowns out from the loud anger that starts to vibrate in your body

your palms start to sweat and your heart pounds in your chest, how could he bring something so stupid up? something so irrelevant.

especially when it was his fault.

“I watch films with johnny because I can’t watch films with you.” you interrupt his words

you can feel your eyes sting but you need anything but crying right now

“friday film night was our thing though!”

“yeah, until you stopped coming.”

“I can’t control my schedule! we talked about this before!”

“I know! but right now you can. I’ve been waiting for you for so long, and all you can think about is your notes or lyrics or whatever!”

mark sighs and gives his nose a quick wrinkle

“okay okay, okay I’m sorry but... just— my priorities...” mark immediately regrets his word choice

your heart squeezes in your chest, “what” you whisper

“priorities? oh great.”

“you know I didn’t mean that.” he mutters while you’re still talking

“yeah that’s great to know where your priorities lie.” you don’t let his words interrupt you

tears start to brim your eyes

“no, don’t cry y/n” mark stands up reaching out towards you, “don’t—“

“fuck mark” you dodge his touch, “I deserve to cry”

“please, I don’t want to fight again.” Mark, frustrated, rakes his fingers through his hair, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.” he mumbles

you wipe a tear with the back of your hand

“look I’m sorry okay? so let’s not argue again, please?” he sounds fed up

“you just do things then say sorry, only to do them again! you can’t do that. things don’t work that way mark.”

you want to be stern, you really do.

“I’m sorry....” mark whispers, honestly he doesn’t know what else to say

“I know.” you turn away from his open arms and leave the dorm

day +240 [3:02PM]

“it feels like it’s been so long since we’ve done that” marks hands hold the side of your face lovingly

his forehead against yours and nose brushing yours

you hum in agreement

“now quick kiss me again before the others come back” mark grins

day +251 [12:26PM]

[Incoming call] from Mark 12:26PM

“hey”

you don’t say anything

“this is so random I know.. I just.. I’m sorry. really this time. let me come over later, please”

you sigh

“I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m back stage right now and I just— mark come on we need to go”

you hear someone interrupt him

“say something ...please”

“...you can come over later, now go on stage. the fans are waiting”

you can practically hear his smile through the phone

“is that y/n?—“

“y/n!? where!? oh hi!!”

“okay!!” you hear mark shuffling away from the madness “now I’ve really got to go”

“good luck” you say

he grins, “let’s get it”

day +258 [4:37AM]

[New Message] Mark 4:37AM, I know you’re asleep but

Mark 4:37AM, we just ended dream rehearsals

Mark 4:37AM, I just turned on my phone

Mark 4:38AM, I’ll come over tomorrow

Mark 4:38AM, let me make it up to you❤️

day +261, when the arguing doesn’t stop

“it’s not that I don’t want you here,” mark sighs in frustration

“okay so what is it?” your heart pounds fast in your chest, “I just don’t get to see you anymore?”

you’re both in the practice room, standing further apart than usual

you haven’t seen each other for the past week, barely even texted each other. because of his full packed schedule.

but the thing is, you try so hard, you are flexible with your times and you usually go out of your way to try visit him even if it’s at ungodly hours

but some reason mark hates when you do that

“it’s just too much!” his arms fly up in exasperation, “you can’t keep coming here past midnight! you don’t get enough sleep! you travel home at dangerous hours! I.. it’s just—“

“mark I don’t care.” you frown “if I get to see you I’m happy enough, stop pushing me away.”

“well I care! I get worried. then you end up falling asleep on our sofa god I feel terrible y/n.”

you inhale deeply, “what do you expect me to do then?”

“I— I don’t know” mark pinches the bridge of his nose

“when I go to your dorms your working on lyrics, when I go to your practice you refuse to let me in, when I offer to visit you at music bank you don’t let me! I don’t get it mark. how are we supposed to keep this relationship going if you’re not going to let me love you?”

“well you’re not the only one” he mutters under his breath

your chest spikes, “what do you mean?”

mark shakes his head

“no tell me—“

“it’s doesn’t matter.”

“it does mark! we need—“

“okay fine.” his voice raises a little

“you’re not the only one giving up spare time for nothing either.” mark sounds hurt. all the pain in his chest transferring into anger through the words that leave his mouth

you don’t understand

he can feel the hammering in his chest, “you hang out with the others more than you hang out with me.”

mark is jealous.

he tries to keep it in. he really does. but sometimes he fails to keep up with you and his brothers, like when you guys have private jokes that he doesn’t get because he wasn’t there, or when you get to watch all his favorite films without him

it’s not fair

“I hang out with them because you’re never there!” you’re shocked; marks words came out of nowhere.

suddenly the practice room door opens and the dreamies file in cheerfully, unaware of the situation

their presence stops the two of you from arguing any further

mark looks down at his shoes

you sniff away a tear

the dreamies chatter slows to a halt at the sight of you two, then they freeze, suddenly able to feel the tension in the room

“I should go.” you mumble, you don’t want to bring anything problematic onto anyone else

the younger boys watch as mark hesitantly takes a step forward to hug you bye, only to freeze when you don’t catch his gist and swivel on your heels to walk away

it was rare to see you two out of sync.

you pick up your bag from against the wall and stop to stand in front of them, “sorry, I have to go. something came up.” you give them a terribly unconvincing smile and they look at you with confused eyes

then before they know it, you’re gone.

the boys look between the door and their leader

mark chews on his inner lip. why did he have to say that? he sighs heavily, frustrated about the words he had stupidly let out of his mouth, then takes a deep breath in before looking up to face the younger boys

“kids come on,” mark calls them over, “it’s time to practice”

it’s almost like they forgot to move

“mark,” donghyuck says hesitantly, “you alright?”

immediately mark stitches a smile on his face, “yeah! of course” he puts one hand on jenos shoulder and then ruffles jisungs hair, “yeah I’m good”

renjun strokes the back of marks head near the nape of his neck; hyung really sucks at lying

“okay!!” mark claps his hands together in hopes to rid of their concerned faces, “let’s start practice!”

day +279, when it’s really over

“hey hey hey hey” the moment after mark opens the door his hands immediately come up to delicately hold your face, thumbs wiping the tears that run down your cheeks

he pulls your face in and leans down so his forehead can touch yours, “what’s wrong y/n?”

but you can’t bring yourself to say anything, so you avoid his doe eyes and look at your feet

mark tries to bring your face up with his hands, tugging you upwards carefully and then moving them to your neck in a panic

but you keep trying to avoid his innocent eyes

the warmth from his body presses into yours as he steps closer against you

his neck leans down so he can look into your eyes, “baby, what’s going on? hey hey look at me” he’s nuzzles the tip of your nose upwards with his

but you can’t look at him.

“okay, okay okay” mark grasps you close into a hug as he closes the door behind you, “come let’s sit down” then he helps you get to the sofa

you both sit face to face, your legs crossed and his each of his legs stretched out on either side of you, “you need water? I can get you water. should I find taeyong? oh my god tissues. you need tissues.” mark starts panicking

so you place a hand on his knee, “I just need you to listen” you give him a sad smile

he shuffles forward on his bum, “what is it? anything, I’ll listen to anything.” his eyebrows are knitted together

“you know I love you right?” you whimper bringing your palm to his face

“yes, I know” mark places a hand on top of yours and leans into your touch, “I know baby I know”

“I love you so so much” you heart twists sharply

marks face turns even more sour, his beautiful features tainted by stress and worry

“and I love you too” he comes in closer till your noses are almost touching “I love you I love you I love you” he repeats, lips trembling

mark thinks he’s going to cry, the weird pain in his chest wrenching his heart into an unfamiliar place

“mark I...” it feels so wrong “I..”

“you what y/n? what? tell me.” his eyes search your tear filled ones

“I can’t do this anymore” you feel like shit when mark leans back away from you a little

mark feels sick.

the feeling in his stomach makes his head spin

“what.. what are you talking about?” he mutters

“we ...can’t see each other anymore” you refuse to look at his pained expression

mark’s heart picks up in pace, pounding in his chest, his whole world crashing in front of his own eyes

god he feels nauseous

his body has retracted away from yours “I don’t understand.... I ..don’t understand”

“all this fighting, all this waiting.. I can’t do it anymore.” your voice is quiet

mark gulps, “no, I— no. we don’t have to fight anymore, I won’t fight I—“ he pulls you into a tight hug

“please no. anything but that. we— but we made up, we made up.” his words stumbling into the crown of your head

“yes we did. we always do. but mark, it’s so so tiring”

“I...” he’s at a loss for words

“I love you.” you whisper into his chest

“then don’t. don’t do this” mark squeezes you like you’re going to vanish, his voice weak

so you tell him everything, everything that makes your relationship almost impossible. not that neither of you were unaware of it; but it was harder to deny when you said it out loud, “it’s too hard. it hurts so much.”

he had to accept the truth at one point.

so you spend the next while telling him how difficult it’s been recently, and how no matter what either of you do, most of the problems are out of your control

marks heart wrenches, “no, there has to be a way. please I—“ but he knows you’re right.

he pulls you back by the shoulders so he can look you, desperately searching for something—anything— in your eyes

you look at his pretty face; his cheeks are flushed pink, tears brimming his puppy dog eyes and his eyebrows furrowing up in anguish

when you don’t say any more, his hands snake around the sides of your face and neck and his fingers slide into the roots of your hair

you bite your lip

marks teary eyes look down at your precious lips, then he leans forward to softly press his lips onto yours, just once

“this can’t be it.” he shakes his head in denial eyes shut tightly, “this can’t.” his lips trembling as he begs you

you purse your lips together, the tears nonstop down your cheeks

mark takes a wobbly deep breath in, “please,” his doe eyes stare into yours desperately, “please.”

he can’t think of anything but to kiss you.

so his lips come smashing into yours at thought of this being the last time

and you let him

you let him move one hand to the back your neck so he can tilt your head and bring you closer

you let him squeeze your hips in desperation

you let him flush his body against yours, his eyes shut tight and skin hot

all, for the last time

...

a little time after

[New Message] Full Sun 2:55AM, hey loser

Full Sun 2:55AM, I'm here

Full Sun 2:55AM, where

Full Sun 2:55AM, are

Full Sun 2:55AM, you

you look up from your buzzing phone with a smile to see donghyuck’s sitting form ahead of you, “jeez hyuck I’m right here,” you throw your backpack at his back which makes him roll dramatically onto the grass

donghyuck inhales sharply, rubbing his arm like it’s going to fall off and starts to fake cry, “you brought me here to kill me huh?”

you roll your eyes, “you’re the one who said 3AM at hangang river,” you plop onto the grass beside him, “there’s a blanket in there” you add

he grins cutely and pulls it out of your backpack to stretch over the two of you

“I’m a high class celeb,” donghyuck huffs theatrically brushing off non-existent dust on the blanket, “I can’t be seen out at normal daylight hours”

you shove his arm in hopes to push the fake snobbery out of him

but he lets out a hearty laugh then leans a head on your shoulder with a sigh

nowadays you often hangout with some of the boys when they ask you to, at first you took a step back for mark to have some space, but you still found yourself in their presence

they still wanted you to stay around—you’re all good friends now anyway, you were no longer just marks girlfriend

so when donghyuck messages you around 2am because he wants an outlet to his idol life, you willingly give him one

you echo donghyucks sigh then lean your head on top his, both of you looking out onto the dimly lit river, it’s nice

—bittersweet, you mean

when you’re with donghyuck or, to be frank, any of the other members, you think of mark. how it would’ve been if you didn’t break up— he’d probably be sitting with you guys right now, with his cute head on your lap and pretty eyes closed because you’d be playing with his ear.

it isn’t a surprise to donghyuck; he knows that you think about mark, everyone does, because they do too

when mark acts out, or goes unusually quiet they know it’s because he’s thinking of you. sometimes he’ll get so caught up in his own thoughts donghyuck has to hit him to his senses, it’s pitiful

it’s no doubt they all know why mark is like this, but it’s not something they discuss; partially because stubborn mark won’t let them and partially because it’s generally a sensitive topic for everyone

and it sucked

“he misses you, you know” donghyuck says quietly like it’s something he’s not supposed to say

your heart clenches at the thought of mark missing you too

“he’s different.” donghyuck gulps

then it takes him a while to speak up again, “do you think you could ...do something?”

you chew on your inner lip, you don’t know what to say

what can you do? you thought that maybe going him some time and space alone was the best thing for the both of you

perhaps it’s been too long; like you’ve left him to his own senses for too long that maybe it’s time you go back to build a new relationship as friends? you don’t know.

you sigh heavily

you hate how donghyuck is feeding you second thoughts

“hyuck....” you keep your eyes ahead, the ripples in the water annoyingly reminding you of mark, “I don’t know.. for us to move on.. I don’t know”

“maybe you don’t have to move on” he’s says that even quieter

you exhale, it’s difficult to say what could or couldn’t happen, because of course you miss him, sometimes so much it hurts

but it hurts more thinking about all the difficult times you had during the relationship

“maybe” you say but it doesn’t sound convincing at all, “maybe hyuck”

when he doesn’t say anything back you put an arm around his shoulders, “sounds like you’re more upset than he is” you say light heartedly giving him a little shake

donghyuck elbows your side and scoffs, “no, I’m just glad I don’t get to see your stupid face so often”

sometime after

“I’ve been meaning to return these, sorry” you hand mark a small pile of neatly folded clothes, “I washed them too don’t worry.”

mark didn’t like when you washed them before

“um, you can just keep them” he says pushing your wrist back towards you

you give him a weird look, “well, I don’t want them.” you think out loud

there’s a sudden unpleasant twist in marks chest

“I mean they’re yours anyway” you try to correct yourself when you see hurt flash across his facial features

as strange as it sounds, you and mark were standing in outside of your laundry room

and it felt weird.

it was such a familiar situation, something you used to find so normal whenever mark came over before—mark being in your apartment had never felt so strange

it was weird

you hand mark his clothes again, “mark, just take them. it’s not—”

“why did you invite johnny and jaehyun over?” mark suddenly finds himself blurting out

maybe it was the way you told him you no longer needed his clothes, or maybe it was the way he felt so different in what was almost his second home that suddenly made him say such harsh words

you’re taken back. “I’m sorry, what?” that came out of nowhere

“I, um..“ he runs a hand through his hair

mark gulps, “johnny and jaehyun.. they um, you invited them over...” he looks down at his feet

was that supposed to be a problem? they’re friends with you too. you’re a little offended.

mark says that as if he didn’t turn up unexpected.

“then why did you have to invite yourself over? to my apartment. we were just going to watch a film—”

“that was our thing—“ mark looks up desperately at you

“‘was’ mark, past tense; we don’t do that anymore.“

“but still I—“

“it’s not even friday mark—”

“tomorrow!” marks desperate voice raises a little, “tomorrow is friday...” then his voice drowns out into a whisper

you sigh, “jesus mark”

you look at him properly for the first time in ages; his pretty face is sporting a distressing frown and his cheeks are powdered pink from adrenaline but everything else is the same

his soft gaze, his cute button nose, his perfect lips..

your heart races. but you don’t want to admit it.

“you shouldn’t have come.” you whisper trying to avoid his gaze, he shouldn’t have come, you repeat in your head to convince yourself that seeing him wasn’t a good thing

like habit, mark hesitantly reaches out to you, “I’m sorry,” but then he remembers you’re no longer his, so he retracts his hands

you huff trying to think of anything else but going back into his familiar arms, “why are you here?” your voice accidentally sounding fed up

you were supposed to have an honest night-in with his brothers—your friends— but suddenly he’s so casually turned up at your door with johnjae expecting you to welcome him with open arms

mark frowns, “I don’t know” he mumbles

he wanted to see you, see your face, hold you maybe— “I don’t know” he repeats briefly brushing the tip of his cute nose with his knuckle

earlier, when he heard johnny and jaehyun talking in his dorm about coming to your house for a film he immediately spoke out on impulse, saying that he needed to tag along

it was stupid. he knows.

but then it all happened so fast and soon enough he found himself at your door step for the first time in forever, struggling to say any words without slipping up and refusing his own clothes just because you washed them clean

mark doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore

“just, why?” you gaze over his furrowed eyebrows

“oh my god, I don’t know” marks hands fly to his face

your heart sinks at the tone of his voice

now is probably not the best time to start this conversation.

“okay never mind.” you exhale deeply, “let’s just go back.” you have to refrain from holding him, annoyingly you wanted to. “johnny and jae are waiting” you remind yourself as well as mark

for the rest of the night you try to make things less awkward and less tense in hopes not to ruin things for your other guests until they were finally ready to leave after a movie

“I’ll meet you down at the car park” mark says to johnny and jaehyun after you hug them goodbye by the front door

they look at each other, then at you, lingering in your hallway

“it’s okay” you give them a small smile, “I’ll text you later”

when they’re out of sight you and mark are left in an awkward silence

you cross your arms and shift your weight onto your other leg

mark clears his throat

“I’m sorry I came...” he starts, “I just—“ he wanted to see you. “wanted to say something” he lies

“well what is it?” you don’t quite understand? he could’ve texted you or called you, anything would’ve been more comfortable than him turning up at your apartment

mark heart starts pounding when he looks at your face, he bites his lip

you’re more beautiful than he remembers

his heart wrenches forward; he misses you so much

he never thought he could miss a person so much even when they’re standing right in front of him

you’re looking up at him innocently waiting for these words that were supposed to be so important he apparently had to see you for it

mark can feel his palms sweat, oh god what is he supposed to say?

you watch him gulp nervously, “mark?”

I still love you, mark thinks

“do you still love me?” he accidentally says out loud

more time after

“you sure you don’t want one?” taeyong tries to offer to buy you a drink again even though you’re way past the café and already waiting in front of the dreamies front door

“yeah of course I’m sure!” you laugh a little, “we’re already here”

but taeyong feels a little bad, “here.” he hands you his drink, “have some of mine.”

so, just for him, you take his generous offer

suddenly the door finally swings open

“taeyong? what are you—“ marks eyes meet yours

you choke

“mark?!” taeyong is as surprised as you are, “what—what are you doing here? I thought—you were with the others” he asks taking a worried glance at you

mark, shocked, can’t stop staring at you. as if you were unreal. the dreamies never said you guys were going to come, “I— no— I’ve been here...” he gulps

you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand

“ty track!!!” chenle shoves mark out of the way to grab the bag of drinks out of taeyongs hands

“they’re here!! hurry up!! we’ve been waiting!!” you hear jaemin from inside

it takes a moment for mark to move sideways and hold the door open to give way to you both

you look at him

then look at taeyong

taeyongs iced coffee in your hand freezing your palm, “maybe I should.. come later—“

“no!” mark says a little too loud.

taeyong has to hold back a smile

“I mean” mark scratches the nape of his neck, “might as well come in, since you’re already here or whatever..” he mumbles

so taeyong puts a hand on your lower back ushering you to go in first and reluctantly, you do.

“sorry we didn’t know you’d be here,” taeyong says to donghyuck and mark, “we didn’t buy enough drinks.”

donghyuck looks just as surprised at your presence too, then he sends you an exaggerated brow raise as he mouths, “what are you doing here?” and points ardently to marks back from behind him

completely oblivious and unaware of donghyuck’s actions mark innocently speaks up, “it’s okay, we should’ve told you.”

“no no, share!” taeyong encourages the younger boys, “share them! me and y/n are sharing one already anyway”

mark eyes fall onto the drink in your hands, it’s only then when he notices the elders handwritten name on the side

“oh right,” you forgot you were still holding that, “sorry here” you pass it back to taeyong

you catch donghyuck facepalming, “what?” you quickly mouth to him

but he just annoyingly shakes his head in shame

you hate that boy

so, when you slump into the couch beside donghyuck, you secretly pinch the side of his thigh

“ow!!” donghyuck jumps

you feign a confused look on your face, “what?” you say, and he sends you a knowing scowl

“what the?” renjun gives donghyuck a weird look, “you okay?”

the boy tries to hold in his laughter with a scowl, “yep” donghyuck smacks his lips, “perfect.” he says as he nudges you with his elbow

“you want to share my drink?” renjun offers donghyuck, to which the latter happily agrees

“you can have some of my one,” jaemin pushes his drink towards mark

“I want taeyongs.” mark blurts out

taeyong affectionately squeezes the nape of marks neck as he laughs a little, could he be more obvious?

“sure, you can have mine.” taeyong passes his iced coffee to mark, “but I’ll share with jisung or there won’t be enough for the three of us.” he makes eye contact with you with a seemingly innocent smile on his face, before jisung gives him a sip of his drink

even more time after

you 3:05AM, hyuck

you 3:05AM, where are youuu???

you 3:05AM, your butt is never late

you 3:05AM, better have a good reason

you sigh and fiddle with the grass beneath your fingers, what’s taking him so long?

suddenly someone clears their throat behind you

the sudden presence makes you jump and snap your head around to see the culprit

you almost can’t believe your own eyes

“mark?!” you give him the weirdest look, “I— um— where’s— where’s haechan?”

marks tired eyes avoid yours, “he’s ...not coming”

“oh” is all you can say

mark takes a cautious step forward, “can I sit?” he gestures shyly at the extra space meant for donghyuck on your mat

when he moves a little closer you notice the bags under his eyes; he looks dead tired

“yeah” you bite your lip, you feel bad. it’s 3am and he’s still awake just to see you.

with your eyes fixed on the water ahead you feel him sink into the mat beside you

then it’s silent

for a long time you bask in each other’s presence. it feels like forever since the last time this happened.

it reminds you of times before and what it was like when you first met; like how you used to always sit together in a comfortable silence until he fell asleep, or how late nights like these always made you, simply, happy

you quickly glance at mark; his exhausted eyes are fixated on the water too

you can’t tell if this is the best or the worst you’ve felt in months.

with a puff you fall back into the mat a look up into the empty dark sky, you want him to say something

but being patient was always important with mark. you guess old habits never die.

your eyes shift from the boring sky to marks back, but when mark copies your movement to lie down beside you, your eyes quickly dart back up to the sky

you wish he would say something.

mark wants to say something.

but every time he’s tried to before, his words had always come out in the worst way possible

he can’t even think anymore

his brain is so burnt out from both the crazy roller-coaster of emotions and his full schedule packed day that he can’t even make sense of his own thoughts

marks annoyed. at himself. and the exhaustion that’s weighing his body down really isn’t helping.

he wants to tell you how shit it’s been without you, how much he regrets not giving you the love you deserve, how much he regrets that he even let you go..

but it’s all so hard to say out loud. he closes his eyes in frustration.

you wonder what mark’s thinking about

what made him come here in the first place?

a little part of you hopes it’s something you want to hear.

“mark?” but your voice just gets engulfed by the empty sky; you don’t hear him reply at all.

“are you going to say anything or...” your words slowly come to a halt when you turn to face his body

mark’s fallen fast asleep

and strangely, you can’t help but smile at him a little, it reminds you of the first time you met.

without much thought, you grab your hoodie from behind you. and as delicately as you can, you drape it over as much of his sleeping form as you can

you weren’t using it anyway, you tell yourself

unintentionally, your eyes drift over his peaceful face, past his closed eyes, down his cute button nose, to his soft parted lips—

you quickly sit up.

your heart’s racing against your ribcage

suddenly you feel mark shuffle beside you, slowly he rolls onto his side in your direction

his hand accidentally grazing against yours

then he finally speaks up for the first time, “don’t.. go...”

it’s quiet. but you definitely hear it.

you look back to check if he’s still asleep.

and he is.

marks peaceful frame moving so delicately with the soft rhythm of his breathing

your eyes stare down at his hand

you exhale

“I won’t” your fingers lace with his

prequel

#mark lee #mark x reader #mark lee fic #mark lee scenario #mark lee scenarios #mark lee au #mark lee fluff #mark lee angst #mark lee fanfic

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