#I am staying in bed and listening to audiobooks

[secondbeatsongs]

you know a book is romance-focused when there are multiple full scenes of people doing home repair and gazing softly at each other, but then when a main character interviews a literal convicted murderer, it happens offscreen

[yodeler12]

An interaction between Tim and Damian popped into my head so I thought to put it and others that came up down for ya'll.

The different dynamics of the two pairs of Batboys when they're taking care of each other.

Dick and Jason in Dick's apartment

Dick: (has a nasty headcold, whining) But Jay Jay...

Jason: For the love of.. no. Your fridge is filthy Dickwing and you have nothing in here except leftover pizza. I'm making you Alfred's chicken soup and then you... will... sleep. Even if I have to duct tape you to the bed.

Jason: What the hell why don't you have any pots in here?

2. Jason and Dick in Jason's apartment

Jason: (on Day 3 of nursing a concussion) Fu*k off you mother hen, why are you still here?

Dick: I have to make you lunch, which is hard enough with the lights off without you whining. I told you, I'm not leaving until you can at least make yourself soup. Now, I'm going to put on an audiobook for you, which one do you want?

Jason: Falkner by Mary Shelley?

Dick: Sure bud, I'll find the one with the best narrator for you, now lay down.

3. Tim and Damian in Tim's room at the manor.

Damian: Timothy... what do you think you are you looking for?

Tim: Damian, where is my backup tablet?

Damian: Tt... do not be foolish Timothy. Grandfather and I both told you that you had to limit your screentime to six hours a day. Since we feared you jostling your legs retrieving your backup devices, which I remind you are both in traction rigs and not to be moved without due care, last night we scoured the entirety of your bedroom and especially your bed for all of your hidden devices. They have been placed upon the dresser where they will stay until your screentime may begin.

Tim: Damian, I have two broken legs, what do you expect me to do all day?

Damian: I have brought your lunch, grandfather made your favorite. Afterwards we shall draw and listen, I have found a podcast you may like. If you attempt to retrieve your devices, I am not above placing Alfred upon your chest to immobilize you further.

Tim: Sigh... alright Dames, thanks for lunch.

4. Damian and Tim in Damian's room at the manor

Damian: What's the meaning of this Timothy?

Tim: You're still suffering from the aftereffects of fear toxin Dami, the tremors will keep you from painting.

Damian: Art distracts me Timothy, I need distraction from... what do you propose as an alternative activity.

Tim: For too long I have been remiss in my duties as an older sibling to you, it's time to show you, Avatar. I've cleared my afternoon, so we should be able to at least get through Book One.

Damian: Tt, I have not always been impressed by your media likes Timothy, this had better be good.

[wosoimagines]

Second Chance

part 2 of rivals

Jo's second camp with the team is nearly over and she gets news of her future.

2,367 words

previous part| |next part

“Hi, kid.”

I grinned at the familiar voice as I closed the door behind me.

“Hey, Becky.”

The woman smiled at me as I threw my bag onto the open bed. I hadn’t exactly expected Jill to room me with Becky again, but it was nice. Becky had helped to make sure that I actually got to bed at a responsible time and that I wasn’t late to any meetings or practices. After all, it had been quite easy for me to get distracted by everything else.

“Did you get to go to the lake?”

“Yeah, we went for a couple of days,” I admitted.

Becky nodded at that before she turned back to the book that she was reading. I tilted my head as I read the title.

“ The Portrait of Dorian Gray ,” I read off the spin. Becky looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. “I’ve never read it.”

“I could read it out loud, if you’d like.”

I smiled at Becky as I nodded. Becky looked back down at the book as I kicked my shoes off. 

“‘I have always been my own master; had at least always been so, till I met Dorian Gray. Then--but I don't know how to explain it to you. Something seemed to tell me that I was on the verge of a terrible crisis in my life. I had a strange feeling that Fate had in store for me exquisite joys and exquisite sorrows. I grew afraid, and turned to quit the room. It was not conscience that made me do so: it was a sort of cowardice. I take no credit to myself for trying to escape.’”

I grinned as Becky read the words on the pages. I knew that we had at least an hour, if not two, until our meeting started since they were still waiting on quite a few players to get into the hotel. I didn’t give Becky time to start the next paragraph as I crawled into her bed before ducking my head under her left arm so I could look at the pages. Becky stayed silent for a moment as I got comfortable.

It wasn’t until I had settled down and stopped moving that Becky continued.

“‘Conscience and cowardice are really the same things, Basil. Conscience is the trade name of the firm. That is all.’

‘I don't believe that, Harry, and I don't believe you do either. However, whatever was my motive--and it may have been pride, for I used to be very proud--I certainly struggled to the door. There, of course, I stumbled against Lady Brandon. 'You are not going to run away so soon, Mr. Hallward?' she screamed out. You know her curiously shrill voice?’”

Becky’s voice was definitely one of the most soothing voices I had ever heard. Maybe she could become a professional audiobook reader or something like that once she retired from playing. Or even just take it up during the off-season. I wouldn’t mind listening to Becky read me more books if her voice was always this soothing.

“‘Yes; she is a peacock in everything but beauty,’ said Lord Henry, pulling the daisy to bits with his long, nervous fingers.

‘I could not get rid of her. She brought me up to Royalties, and people with Stars and Garters, and elderly ladies with gigantic tiaras and parrot noses. She spoke of me as her dearest friend. I had only met her once before, but she took it into her head to lionize me. I believe some picture of mine had made a great success at the time, at least had been chattered about in the penny newspapers, which is the nineteenth-century standard of immortality. Suddenly I found myself face to face with the young man whose personality had so strangely stirred me. We were quite close, almost touching. Our eyes met again. It was reckless of me, but I asked Lady Brandon to introduce me to him. Perhaps it was not so reckless, after all. It was simply inevitable. We would have spoken to each other without any introduction. I am sure of that. Dorian told me so afterwards. He, too, felt that we were destined to know each other.’”

I couldn’t find it in myself to fight off the sleep as Becky’s voice lulled me into darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, pipsqueak.”

I looked at Hope who had sat down across from me. I titled my head at her sudden presence. I knew that she often sat at the table with Carli and Christie during our meals. But they were both seated at a table that was behind Hope.

“Hi, Hope.”

I looked over my shoulder where most of the team was still getting their food. Being small did come with advantages, such as being small enough to get around everyone so I could be one of the first to get my food. I spotted Becky and Alyssa who were just now grabbing their own plates to fill them up. I turned back to look at Hope.

“Look, I just came to say that maybe you aren’t that bad.”

I raised my eyebrows at that. Hope complimenting me had been the last thing I was expecting. After all, we still weren’t getting along that well. It seemed like we both tolerated each other just enough for a fight not to break out during practice, but that didn’t stop the two of us from exchanging words during practice.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong,” Hope said as she kept her eyes trained on her plate as she stabbed some of the food with her fork. “You still aren’t better than I am. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t helping us out.”

I stayed silent, causing Hope to look up at me. She just stared back at me. I was trying to figure out if this was some kind of joke or something.

“Who are you and what have you done with Hope Solo?”

Hope chuckled at that as she nodded.

“That’s cute, pipsqueak.”

“No seriously. Hope Solo would never compliment me. We go at each other’s throats,” I said as I shook my head. I turned my attention back to my plate. Hope had to be seriously sick if she was being nice to me all of a sudden. “Mine and Hope’s relationship does not consist of us being nice to each other. We’re like sweet potatoes and mustard. They don’t go together. I don’t give a shit what Mick says either. He’s a weirdo for eating sweet potatoes and mustard.”

“No, I’m serious, Jo,” Hope said. I paused at that before I looked up at Hope. “Can you just take the compliment?”

I shook my head. I really couldn’t.

At least not from Hope.

This was too weird. Hope wasn’t supposed to be nice to me. She wasn’t supposed to compliment me.

“Is everything okay over here?”

Hope and I both looked at Becky who took a seat next to me. I sent Becky a small smile before I turned back to Hope. I slowly nodded my head as I realized just what this was about.

“You’re being nice 'cause I saved your ass in the goal.”

“Jo! Language!”

I rolled my eyes at that. I already had a mom at home, I didn’t need Becky deciding to mother me while I was at camp too.

“No.”

“You said that way too fast for it to be true! This is about me saving you in the goal.” I grinned as I glanced at Alyssa who sat next to Becky. So it wasn’t because Hope actually wanted to get to know me. “You just feel bad that you tried acting all tough and like you could stop me and then you couldn’t back it up and I had to save the game against France so we didn’t draw again.”

“I don’t need help in the goal, pipsqueak .”

“Sure you don’t.”

It felt good knowing that Hope had felt bad after I saved her skin.

“You could have just said thank you.”

“Jo,” Becky said. I looked over at her as I raised my eyebrows. I wasn’t too sure why she really cared what happened between Hope and me. “Just take the compliment.”

“But she’s only saying it because I made the stop on the goal line.”

“Jo. Take the compliment.”

My jaw slacked a bit at that. I couldn’t believe that Becky was actually taking Hope’s side.

“Thank you for the compliment,” I said once I eventually turned back to Hope. The goalie smirked at me as she stood up. I rolled my eyes as I lowered my voice. “Good thing you’re good at soccer. Cause the porch light’s on, but there ain’t no one home.”

It wasn’t until Hope was well out of earshot that I felt the hand connect with the back of my head.

“Ow!”

“You’re lucky she didn’t hear that comment,” Becky hissed quietly. I slumped back against my chair at that. I really wasn’t in the mood for another lecture. “I get it. You don’t get along with Hope and you might never get along with Hope, but she’s our goalie. You are going to have to stop trying to provoke her.”

“She doesn’t treat me fairly. Why should I be the one to have to extend the olive branch?” I asked as I leaned forward to get closer to Becky. “She’s the adult. I’m only fifteen.”

“Jo-”

“No, it’s bullshit.”

“Langauge.”

“And I don’t need another mom. I already have one.”

Becky sighed as she leaned back in her own chair. I looked away from her. 

“What if I talk to Hope?”

Becky and I both looked over at Alyssa. I had honestly forgotten that she was sitting at the table with us because of how quiet she had been. It was something that Becky told me I would have to get used to though. 

“As if that would make it any better.”

“That would be great. Thank you, Alyssa.”

I huffed as I pushed myself away from the table. I had already finished my plate and if it gave me an excuse to be away from Alyssa and Becky right now, I would take it. I didn’t need everyone else fighting my battles for me. It was part of the problem. If everyone else fought my battles for me then no one would ever take me seriously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, I heard that you and Hope got into it,” Jill said as I was wrapping my hand. I sighed as I looked up at her. “Is there a problem that I, as the coach, need to address between you two?”

“No.”

Jill nodded her head slowly as she still looked down at me as I finished wrapping my hand. I rubbed the bridge of my nose before looking back up at her.

“Is there anything else?”

“I really hoped that you and Hope would have gotten over this by now,” Jill said. I softly groaned as my shoulders slumped forward. “I’ll be honest with you, kid. I want to call you up for the August game and September-”

“I get it,” I assured her. I glanced at where the rest of the team was getting ready. Even though I had been friendly enough with Alyssa and Becky, the rest still seemed hesitant to get close to me. “Who wants a kid on their team when they’re the best in the world?”

“Jolene, that isn’t it.”

“Isn’t it?”

I looked away from Jill and down at my shoes. I knew that it was. It wasn’t the first time I had been left behind because I was the youngest one, and I doubted that it would be the last.

“Jo, you’re gonna be called to the U-20 team in just days,” Jill said as she bent down so that we were equal in height. “I encouraged them to do so. I think it would be a great opportunity.”

I looked back over to the rest of the team. But my eyes zeroed in on Hope. I knew what she would say when she found out that I wouldn’t be called to the team in August or September.

“The U-20 World Cup will be over before August. So what’s the point in keeping me out of the September camp?”

Hope would only boost and brag if I was gone longer than I needed to be. Plus, I didn’t want to lose the pace of play that came with the national team if I was gone for too long.

“Because you’re only fifteen, Jo. You will have to go to school and finish your education,” Jill said. I looked back at her. I didn’t care about that, I just cared about my future in soccer. “If your grades suffer too much, then I can’t call you up. You will be gone until late August if you guys make it to the finals.”

“So why have me go to the U-20 team instead of getting more practice with the senior team?”

“Because the U-20 team is going to a World Cup. It might not be the World Cup you were hoping for, but it will give you a taste of what it will be like next year,” Jill said as she sighed. I wondered if she would ever get tired of me and all my questions. “You’ll be expected to be a leader on the U-20 team as you’ve already been called up to the senior team. That will also be a good experience for you. I don’t expect that you’ll be seen as a leader on this team for years, maybe not until I’m gone even, but it will happen eventually, and leading a team at a World Cup, even a youth one, will be good for you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Jill sighed as she patted my leg before standing up. If I had to prove myself to Jill at the youth level again, I was going to do it. Nothing would stop me from winning gold in August. Maybe then, the rest of the team would also start to see me as more than just some kid.

[the---hermit]

15|09|2023

My last few days of rest before going back my studying routine next week are still pretty slow, but I feel a bit better compared to the other day. I have a bit more energy and I put that mainly into writing letters to friends and crocheting. My cardigan is very slowly taking form. I finished the back and the first front panel (which I winged and I will find out if it will look good onle once I am done with the whole project so cross your fingers for me). I am now working on more mushrooms, which will be of different sizes since the hook I was using is about to break and I had to switch to a bigger one. I also ordered more yarn for the sleeves since what ai currently have will only be enough to make the other front panel. At the store they told me it could be of a slightly different shade, but I am hoping it will be fine.

Cozy hobbit autumn activities:

Reading a short story every morning while I drink my tea

Writing letters to friends

Rewatching Coraline and enjoying every minute of its spooky cozy vibes

Crocheting while listening to audiobooks or watching movies

Finishing a graphic novel late at night

Reviewing Irish on duolingo before bed

Picking up again my bullet journal and making new spreads to stay on top of my upcoming study to do lists

📖: The Burning God by R.F. Kuang, Of Ghosts And Goblins by Lafcadio Hearn, The Sculptor by Scott McCloud

🎵: 12 Fractures by Pierce The Veil (ngl I've had this on repeat for two days)

[wormstacheangel]

it's still nov 5 where I am so enjoy this long ramble fix it <3

It started with finding a flower growing by Baby’s tire. He plucked it and placed it on the dashboard as he drove away. Later the flower found itself sitting on Dean’s desk. Seeing the small yellow daisy grow in the cracks of old concrete reminded him of a certain someone. It made him smile. 

So when he saw someone selling flowers on the side of the road he bought a bouquet of them. He then started to keep a 20$ bill on him at all times just in case he saw the opportunity to buy one or two. 

The grocery store owner was throwing away some chipped planters and Dean offered to take them, giving the man the 20$ bill he was saving and buying some random flower seeds. That night he stayed up late looking up how to grow a flower. 

Sam bought him a cactus—it had a little flower growing on top—and Dean added it to his growing collection on his desk. He now had some on his nightstand and over his bed too. Eileen mentioned how bright the place looked. She didn’t mention that Dean was starting to look better too. 

Some plants didn’t make it, a lot of them needed sun and not just those bright lights Dean had to buy. He didn’t find it fair that he trapped all these beautiful things underground. Suffocating them. Ruining them. Killing them. He got a shovel and bought some fresh dirt. A rooftop garden shouldn’t be that hard.

Dean added umbrellas, beach chairs, and a cooler to his oasis. He had a small speaker playing an audiobook while his fingers were covered in dirt. Pulling weeds and encouraging his sunflowers to grow. He was alone and yet he felt surrounded by their presence. In everything beautiful, there was a little sign of his best friend.

Dean always imagined Cas like a natural disaster wanting to be a simple breeze. He didn’t want to break anything. He only wanted to exist in a world where he could watch everything grow. Wanting to help wherever he could. He wanted to be good. He desperately wanted to be good. Dean planted irises. 

Onions, potatoes, and carrots are the next to grow. Jack enjoyed digging them out. He couldn’t wait to see how big his pumpkins would grow. Dean missed the beautiful colors of the flowers but his room still looked bright.

The sun was high up in the sky but Dean didn’t mind. He was singing his favorite song, had a cooling rag around his neck, and a big sun hat on his head. His rooftop garden has grown. There now was a tent shading the flowers that needed it and a little plastic kiddie pool for his feet to rest when he needed it. Right now he was content, seeing his garden so beautiful and full. In that moment he felt whole.

Sam and Dean lay on the beach chairs staring up at the stars. It reminded them of a time when it was just them. They had no home just a job to do. Just chess pieces in a game they had no choice but to play along with. Now they had a choice. Dean decided he wouldn’t soak his hands in blood anymore. Sam supported him. They’ll look for a place in the morning. Right now they’ll enjoy the sky. 

Starting over alone didn’t feel right. The new house was a big fixer-upper but it felt like a place he could grow old in. Dean bought a bouquet of flowers to place in the middle of the kitchen table. Someday it will feel like home and he’ll be happy here.

He set a small table outside. He didn’t know how much he missed constantly being able to see the sky. His routine always involved being able to watch it turn color over the lake. He sat drinking his coffee and eating his omelet. He didn’t listen to the news but instead, he filled the air with his favorite cartoons. He was starting to feel like himself.

Starting a garden was easier when he didn’t have to climb so far up. He tried growing everything he could. Filling his land with edible plants and beautiful flowers. He made a path with some old bricks. He built a garden door. He added a wooden bench. There’s a bird feeder that Eileen gifted him hanging on the tree branch and underneath was a bird bath. Jack gifted him a little garden gnome and Sam brought a rainbow doormat. Dean rolled his eyes but he placed it at his front door. 

It was snowing but it wasn’t sticking to the ground. Dean was in the kitchen cutting tomatoes for soup. He had plans to make the best-grilled cheese and watch Christmas movies. Next weekend everyone will show up to celebrate some sort of Christmas. Dean even had a tree in the corner, decorated with lights only cause his new cat knocked everything off. He didn’t mind. 

Three years passed in a blink of an eye and Dean could still feel the hot grip on his shoulder. It woke him up time and time again, and just like every other time, he got dressed to take a walk. He hated to bother his little munchkin but she was asleep on her side of the bed. Small and curled up on her little blanket. He zipped up his jacket and gave her a little kiss. A promise to come back. He walked down the side of the lake, hands deep in his pockets, the snow was gone but some patches remained here and there. He hasn’t felt so alone in a while. Maybe it was all his guests leaving that brought this on but he couldn’t help but feel someone was missing the whole time. He’s always missing.

Another new year and Dean was in his garden preparing the dirt for the new harvest. His flower garden usually took priority but there’s not much he could do about that during this cold weather. His plants inside were thriving though. He was so into the audiobook that Dean didn’t hear the footsteps. He was on his knees pulling weeds and listening to the main character decide if love was worth the career she worked so hard for. She just shouted his name when he heard his own name being called. Dean jumped, ready to throw the small weeding hoe in his hand but instead, he froze. 

“Hello, Dean.” He smiled. He had longer hair and a full beard coming in but it was him. “Um, Sam told me this is where you live now.”

Dean stood up. He felt cold, his legs shaking but he kept his stare on his visitor. 

“It’s beautiful. Your home.” 

Dean swallowed the lump as he whispered, “Thanks.” He started at him for a bit longer before taking a step forward. “Cas?”

Cas nodded, and his eyes started to water. “I’m back. I’m back, Dean.”

Dean didn’t hear anymore. He ran to him. Wrapping the angel in his arms and savoring every second of it. He felt the long brown hair between his fingers and the smell of rain still lingered on Cas’s skin. 

It was him. Dean took a deep breath. It hurt his chest and he wondered how many years was he holding that in. 

Dean took Cas’s face between his hands and felt himself fall in love all over again. How did he ever think he could live without him? Cas was everywhere in his house but it was never going to be enough. 

“Welcome home, Cas.” He breathed out in relief and Cas chuckled, his hands on Dean’s waist. 

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear that.”

Dean smiled, his eyes remembering every second of this moment. “Fuck, I missed you so much.” He leaned in and the next thing he knew they were kissing. 

Finally kissing. Finally together. 

Dean could taste both their tears as they kissed but they were unwilling to let go of each other. From this moment on they will never be apart. 

“I love you.” Dean breathes into Cas’s lips. Kissing slowly and lazily. “I loved you for so long.”

“Me too.” Cas kisses Dean’s nose. Kisses Dean’s cheeks. Kisses Dean’s eyelids and then his lips. “My heart has always been yours.”

Dean knew that from now on, together they would grow and it would be beautiful.

Time has passed and the sun was high in the sky. They both worked outside, listening to a book about dragons and magic because it was Cas's turn to pick, and they created shade for their flowers. A little green house was next on their list but building the second floor was taking a lot of their time. Still they both enjoyed the outdoors. Dean made lunch for them and they sat outside on Dean's little table for two. They talked about the future with no fear, only excitement. And they held hands across the table, laughing about something stupid and creating memories they never thought were possible. Munchkin sat at their feet enjoying the sun just as much as them. The family will come over for dinner soon so they know they'll have to head inside but right now they're in their own bubble. Content and happy. Surrounded by growing love.

[blue-disco-lights]

✨ Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨ (because it's still wednesday where i am)

Thank you to the lovely and talented @heymacy @deedala @michellemisfit @jrooc @guinguin1984 @energievie @creepkinginc @darlingian @mybrainismelted for tagging in!

~~~~~ name: julia

zodiac sign: taurus ♉️ (and a i'm textbook one)

fuzzy socks or fuzzy blankets? Ooh both - but they have to be the right texture and consistency of fuzz (taurus tendencies)

do you enjoy winter? I do … but i'm obligated to tell you that ours are really mild here and strongly resemble fall, spring and summer

what’s your comfort book or movie? austenland 😍

what’s your favorite way to wind down after a long day? listening to audiobooks on my drive home from work, and then of course catching up on fics way too late into the night

tell me something you like about yourself: i'm really curious and love to store random information in my head (because you never know!)

favorite artist? kandinsky

how do you practice self-care? I’ve been a lifelong early riser, and the idea of staying in bed to chill on the weekends used to really stress me out. but thanks to the magic of fanfic, i’ve allowed myself to stay put, relax and read

what’s a song that makes you feel joyful? Here’s two!

a book you want to read this year: i’m not even a fantasy reader, but i have to see what Fourth Wing is all about

what advice would you give your younger self? don't throw away those mix tapes

and finally, you’re given a plane ticket to anywhere in the world, no strings attached. where are you going? Tokyo (but i’m also in on this group trip to Iceland)

Hi there & tagging 🪄 @palepinkgoat @suzy-queued @ardent-fox @stocious @ohkate @gallawitchxx @heymrspatel @thepupperino @mickeysgaymom @francesrose3 @krysmiss @crossmydna @gallavichsuperfan @sam-loves-seb @ms-moonlight-inn @sickness-health-all-that-shit @callivich @mmmichyyy @lingy910y @samantitheos @ian-galagher @bawlbrayker @ifallonblackdays @tanktopgallavich @jessieoneday @thisdivorce @rayrayor ~ and everyone else!

[blissfullyecho]

I have an absolutely appalling sleep schedule. I have to wake up every morning at around 6:30 for classes, but my problem lies in my bedtime. I go to sleep around 1-2 and end up tired all day. I usually read my romance novels or scroll through reels or YouTube shorts during this time. I really want to change my habits but I'm having difficulty cutting the scrolling habit and the urge to reach for my phone at night. I can't even turn it off because I live alone. any ideas how I can change this?

breaking the habit of endless scrolling before bed

find your reason as to why you are reaching on your phone

the questions you should ask yourself is 1) when do i pull out my phone? 2) what am i searching when i reach for my phone? 3) why do i feel the need to reach for my phone / why am i attached to it?

the first question you may or may not have an answer straight away. it might take you a couple nights of picking up your phone in order for you to answer that question, which is fine, habits take time to break. so first consider how long you typically go without picking up your phone before bed. are you able to stay off your phone for 20 minutes or is it more like five minutes? the next thing you should ask yourself is what are you looking for when you pick up your phone. are you looking at specific content like personal development, fitness, studying, cooking, etc.? or are you looking to see how many story views, likes, and comments you got on social media? are you stalking your ex? are you trying to find another way to be entertained because you’re not being entertained? you have to be real with yourself first and foremost and interrogate yourself and get to the bottom line. again, you might not find an answer immediately, but eventually you will. lastly, you need to ask yourself why do you feel the need to pull your phone out. are you bored and you’re looking for entertainment, are you stressed and the first thing you do is reach for your phone whenever a little bit of anxiety hits? basically, tap into those emotions and those feelings the next time you feel the need to reach for your phone and ask yourself why am i doing this right now? feel free to go back to this question and reread my answer and ask yourself those three questions. this is a way for you to get to know yourself better, and to be more mindful of your actions. 

is it a lack of being entertained?

if you find that you’re not necessarily being entertained, you have to understand that you shouldn’t be entertained before bed. being entertained doesn’t allow you to wind down, relax, and eventually get a good nights rest. i don’t know if you have kids, but if you had a small child and they said to you that they couldn’t go to sleep because they’re distracted because of a toy that they really want to play with, you would tell them ‘no, you can play it tomorrow. go to bed’ because there’s no need for anyone to be entertained before bed. this is a time where you can look into reparenting yourself or to talk to yourself like a parent talks to their child. parents don’t say no because they don’t want their kids to have fun, they say no because they know what’s best for them. something that has recently worked for me when I’m trying to wind down but I still want to be entertained, is i take out my journal and whatever i want to watch on youtube, let’s say it’s personal development, i will write down a script as if I am a youtuber and that gives me the benefit of being entertained while also winding down because writing is very relaxing. you might also try making bullet journals, adult coloring books, or maybe listening to an audiobook. these ideas help you relax your mind, but also keep you a little bit entertained until your eyes get heavy.

is it a stress/anxiety coping mechanism?

i don’t know about you, but sometimes whenever i am in an uncomfortable situation, i reach for my phone because it feels like a safety net. if this is you, find other ways to ease your anxiety, and to ease your stress. this might be going on youtube and listening to a sleep meditation. maybe you want to do a stretching session that you can do in bed to relax your muscles. if you’re struggling with stress and anxiety before bed, you need to look for other ways to cope.

what can you do instead?

1) listen to an audiobook

2) adult coloring books

3) writing / journaling / bullet journaling

4) meditation

5) daydream / mental stories in your head

6) exercise a couple hours before bed

7) keep apartment/dorm/house/room dimly lit for a few hours before bed to trigger the “night time” sleep response from your brain

8) ***this really helps me*** i have a song i play about an hour before bed and now whenever i hear the song, i yawn because my body knows it’s time for sleep.

but most importantly, you have to find what’s best for you. so tonight or anytime you feel the need to reach for your phone before bed, stop yourself and ask “why am i doing this? what emotions am i feeling that triggers this? what am i looking to gain while being on my phone right now?” and don’t say “nothing”!!!! there IS a reason for everything, you just have to find it. then once you do, you should find alternatives to help get passed the phone habit.

i hope i helped! 🤍

[akaakeis]

hi sav !! 2, 15 and 21 for your ask game !! i wanna make sure you’re drinking enough water AND eating enough!! make sure to eat and take care of yourself <33333 i hope your day was great(and you can totally talk about it to me if you’d like!!)

aaa hi dear!! so happy to see u in my inbox <3 i think u double sent this ask so ill just reply to this one !!

2 - Show or talk about your most recent work of art? (Does not have to be a drawing or painting. Anything counts.)

ooo i would say my most recent work of art is this oikawa oneshot !! im definitely proud of it :) i was gonna talk about and show a recent drawing but since anything counts.. this is the most recent <3

15 - Have you drank a liquid recently? (If not, find something to drink!)

YES I HAVE!! i have a drink from the airport its a kiwi strawberry vitamin water thingy and ITS SO GOOD I LOVE IT SM??? DONT FORGET TO DRINK SOMETHING AS WELL SAE

21 - Something you are excited for?

aaa i don't have anything that im particularly excited for at the moment! OH im excited for this hoodie that i ordered to arrive tho!! it's a tour hoodie for niki- shes one of my fav music artists! <3

...also since u offered 😼 my day was really weird idk? let me give u a rundown!! so picture me staying up until like 4 am for my cousin's bday party screaming karaoke, dancing, having pillow fights, giving a speech... all that... i was so so so tired bro omg. when i gave my speech i cried so yeah and i also lost my voice during karaoke since we were singing bruno mars a lot 😭 BUT THAT WAS ALL YESTERDAY FOR ME ONTO TODAY!! when i wake up im exhausted im dazed and confused fr AND MY THROAT HURTS!!!

so i get out of bed and we have guests over (i was sleeping over at my cousins house btw) and theres this one woman w a daughter my age- she's super friendly and she really likes me idk 😭 she sees me and she keeps lightly pushing and tapping my shoulders and like... putting a hand on my knee? as she talks to me? one thing about me, im not the fondest of physical touch unless i initiate it so that was super duper uncomfortable blergh

BUT AFTER THAT I HEADED TO MY AUNTS HOUSE BC WE HELD THE PARTY LAST NIGJT THERE so we went over to clean up!! it was pretty smooth and i was listening to an audiobook as i cleaned bc i had to read some chapters for homework!! so that was kinda nice!! and then after cleaning up i had to go to the airport

AND AT THE AIRPORT IT WAS SO BAD SAE IT WAS SO BAD IM NOT JOKING so as u already know im 15, a MINOR!! so im flying w my mom and we go to the security checkpoints and the officers keep telling me to go ON MY OWN through a checkpoint (which i cant do, because i dont own an identification badge?? idk why they were trying to make me) so my mom had to go through arguing w an officer who was saying i could do it even though im a minor... but we got through fine after that!! THEN AFTER THAT WE WERE WAITING TO BOARD BUT THEY NEVER ANNOUNCED BOARDING?? anyway we were last call and this one flight attendant was pretty rude to us (presumably bc we were last) and was just generally giving us a hard time so that was annoying... BUT IM BACK HOME NOW!! yap session over

[bokutosmochi]

random kuroo tetsuro headcannons

what's it? general allergen warning/s? n/a sugar level? 0.5k regulars? @hanayanetwork​ @tahonet​ @tokyometronetwork​

bon appetit!

♧ the type of person who wakes up super early, but likes to stay in bed and contemplate the meaning of life for five hours.

♧ really good at playing strategy games like chess. they're honestly not his favorite, he'd rather be playing volleyball, duh, but still. he's very good at it.

♧ seems to always have the worst luck when it comes to more luck-related ones though.

♧ he looks like at some point in his life, he's read a dictionary to widen his vocabulary and sound smarter sheesh tetsu, you're already smart, okay??

♧ doesn't get peer pressured. it doesn't work on him which is very important when you become a teenager, especially when you go to college. if his friends are going out to drink, he'd rather stay in his dorm and get on a discord call with kenma or bokuto (be careful out there!).

♧ when he does drink though, he readies a tablet of painkiller and a bottle on his desk before he starts so he wouldn't have to groggily search for it in the morning when he has a pounding headache.

♧ has a habit of blaring taylor swift songs at three am whenever he's sad.

♧ has definitely tried the listening-to-audiobook-while-sleeping method of studying. he doesn't know if it worked because he always gets good grades.

♧ he hates being called sassy. one time yaku was arguing with him and kuroo quick to reply to the libero with words that side eyed his short stature. the whole gymnasium went quiet after that, knowing it was taboo to mention morisuke's height and when yamamoto snapped out of it, he went "kuroo-san's sassy!". kuroo's sure he physically cringed when he heard that and he never wants to hear it ever again.

♧ has made up a song to help him memorize the periodic table and even now in his adult life, he still knows it by heart.

♧ has the perfect work-life balance and literally everybody and their mom envies him for it.

♧ he used to rope kenma into putting on sock puppet shows for the people in the neighborhood and they'd put an old ice cream tub (my fellow asians know what's up) in front of their little makeshift stage made of cardboard for anyone who wants to leave a tip. the stories were usually good - both of them wrote those - but a lot of the time, the audience couldn't even hear kenma speak because his voice was so soft.

♧ has definitely fallen asleep while on a discord call with kenma. he claims it's not because he's tired from work, it's because his friend's voice was too soothing and it was "impossible" for him not to fall asleep to it.

♧ bobs his head to sped up tiktok audios way too much.

♧ tired of the why didn't you take up chemical engineering? question people keep on throwing at him. yeah he's good at it, but he loves volleyball and wants more people to get into the sport.

i get: reblog

you get: a mikasa volleyball

[twinklecupcake]

For the ship questions, how about 10, 11, and 12 with FreeNoodles and......... StrongSmoothie!

FreeNoodles

Who drives and who picks out the music?

Pigsy drives. Never a question, this is not up for negotiation. Pigsy is the dad who says "My vehicle, I'm driving" and refuses to ever be a passenger.

Meanwhile, nobody touches Tang's radio. He doesn't play it often, I see him as more of a 'listen to an audiobook or podcast with earbuds' kind of guy, but when he does feel like listening to music, he has a very specific setting the radio is set on and nobody is allowed to touch it. Even if they drive too far out and his radio station turns to static, he just goes "Eh, we'll pick up another station later."

What’s a song that describes their relationship? Or, what’s the song that they’ve deemed “their” song?

They've totally picked an 80's classic rock song as "theirs." The kids have no idea why it even applies or how; these two gay old men aren't telling.

But also I recently found this one where the singer compares their love to food and it's perfect:

Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest?

Okay, so I headcanon that Tang is a teacher, so both of them get up early. Pigsy has to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready to open his noodle shop, and Tang has to get up roughly at the same time so he can get to his classes on time. Both of them also stay up late; Pigsy to finish closing up and prepping for the next day, and Tang because he's gotta finish grading or preparing a lesson plan. That said, Tang stays up a little later - moreso during exam season. Usually when Pigsy goes to bed, he'll put a drink and a snack next to him, mutter a "g'night, hon" and shuffle to bed. "Go to bed before sunrise." "Uh-huh."

Pigsy always wakes up just enough to know when Tang goes to bed, then drops right back to sleep. Both of them sleep like rocks til their alarms go off.

StrongSmoothie

Who drives and who picks out the music?

Neither of them drives very much - Goliath doesn't in general (he's fast enough on his own) and Meiyun will ccasionally drive a little moped or motorized scooter for her job, but she prefers to walk. That said, both of them will beg for control of the radio when they're passengers (usually when Synax drives).

They both unironically like girl group songs.

What’s a song that describes their relationship? Or, what’s the song that they’ve deemed “their” song?

coughBeautyandtheBeastcough

Okay no but they'd absolutely pick a cute R&B song they can dance together to.

Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest?

Goliath gets up early, is a big night owl, and is easiest to wake up.

I imagine all the spiders are early-risers, both from instinct and from habit, honestly. And he's so used to staying up late and needing to be alert in an instant. He doesn't have a terrible sleep schedule, he does get enough for himself, but most people would look at him and wonder "HOW???"

Meiyun is probably the most 'normal' about sleeping, though she does have a system. Wake up at six am precisely and prepare for the day; go to bed at ten on work nights and eleven-thirty on weekends. The extra hour and a half is for unwinding with game videos and recordings of her favorite shows. She's not a light sleeper, but she's also not a heavy sleeper either… she's pretty average, honestly.

[dreamlandcreations]

Burnout recovery (?)

It took me a while to figure out why I was so down all the time. But I didn't take the "good news" that well tbh. Because:

"It takes an average time of three months to a year to recover from burnout. "

And I was like. NOPE. FUCK. THAT!

Well, the first few days after that were even worse because I kept pressuring myself to do something, anything other than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. But even something as so no energy "task" as listening to music was making me... idk how else to say it other than itchy...

Anyway, eventually I just gave up, let it consume me and slept away like 2 days... AND GUESS WHAT? I felt a tiny bit better.

So I'd say the first step is just LET IT ALL FUCKING GO! Turn the nagging in your head off and stop caring about anything else than getting a good rest!

My work drove me insane for the last 3 years or so and tbh it took over my life far, far sooner than that. It wasn't healthy. Letting that go took like 2-3 weeks ( I had "help" from other tortured colleagues 🫶 talking helps!) and a lots of Youtube shorts about "this is business not personal". Yay to scrolling paralysis.

Yeah, and about that. I realised that with the burnout I really burned all the bridges that kept my autistic/adhd traits in check. I mean, I used to have a good balance, now I'm off the scale with both in the worst way.

I think the second step is just trying to stay in that kind of relaxed, "don't care" space while figuring out the reasons why I felt so terrible. Again, Youtube shorts about autism/adhd and work mentality really helped. It was like talking to someone without actually getting myself together enough to open up about this to a "real person" (it never would have happened, you know).

And this is the part from where this might not help anyone who doesn't have adhd (and autism?) but realising that I've become a shell of adhd behaviour was actually a big step. Especially with the adhd/autism traits comparison vids bc I just understood how I was functioning when I was doing all that stuff at once.

The next step(s) I took was trying to take care of myself. Eat, sleep, wash, clean up to feel better in my skin and in my environment. I made it a challenge (chasing dopamine seems to be the only way adhd brain can do stuff). Like I'll put on this song ( I wasn't really listening to it still) and do .... until it's done. It did not help at first. Just getting into a task without thought doesn't work for me. I needed to take a minute and visualise that I'm going to do this and this and this and I'll be done in 3 minutes. I prepared for the task mentally, I hyped myself up then I did it. And it worked. Then I got too much into it and overworked myself 😅

However cliché it sounds, the key is finding balance.

Now I can listen to music, I've read 14 books this year so far and reading 5 others now, and I'm planning my year and thinking about what I want to do in life.

I still have bad moments/days and that's okay. I am still not okay but I'm getting there.

I figured, I need to occupy (not overwhelm!!!) my senses to stop my mind from wandering (and torturing me) so now when I have to do something like dishes, I just put on an audiobook and try to let everything else go.

I still can't watch movies/shows. Which sucks bc I feel like I need visual stimulation too sometimes so idk what's up with that but it's a no for now.

Writing is still a NO! (that's a screaming no in my head). But I started to write down ideas again (something I didn't really do for months)

What I know would improve my health and most likely my mental state is regular exercise, but I'm not there yet. I still regularly skip/forget to eat more than once a day so that's a priority.

It's also difficult to leave the house tbh. The outside world is overwhelming and I don't go out if I don't have to (which is like once a week now).

What I do know is that if you want to do something DO NOT SIT DOWN! You'll never get it done. There's no "in a minute" or tomorrow. If you want it done, do it now.

I'm working on building a structure/routine in my daily schedule that gives me a guide so I wouldn't waste my days but doesn't limit or outright strangle me with too many limitations by being to crowded.

[madamebaggio]

Notes: I am doing the whole ‘Frank Castle is a stray cat’ thingy, so I thought that Jessica could be the Grumpy Cat... lol

***

Matt Murdock learned that dating Jessica Jones was like living with a -very- grumpy cat.

Not that Matt had ever owned a cat.

Or that he’d tell her that.

He was already surprised enough by the fact that she wanted to date. She did say she was not going to be introduced as his girlfriend, because it was a ridiculous title, so Matt introduced her as his partner, knowing she was rolling her eyes.

But she held his hand. She kissed his lips and stole his sweatshirts. She called him ‘Murdock’ like it was the sweetest pet name, and asked him to stay with her, because saying ‘I love you’ was hard for her.

And sometimes she left for her apartment and asked to be alone, because she needed to.

Matt understood it and he didn’t mind it. He knew before this started that Jessica had her limits -like he had his -and he was fine with it.

However, when she was with him… She did shit like that.

He’d been listening to an audiobook, while she’d been napping on his bed -he loved when she did that, it gave him a sense of peace knowing she was resting on his bed. He’d heard her moving around, waking up, but he let her have her time while he still listened to his book.

He heard her soft footsteps as she padded to the living room… And suddenly she was crawling on his lap, no worry for the tablet he’d had there before or the glass of water he had to move out of her way. She just climbed on his lap and hid her face against his neck.

Matt chuckled. “Good afternoon to you too.”

She grumbled something that did not pass as an actual answer but he didn’t mind. He just paused the audio, moved his tablet away from him and rubbed circles on her back. His grumpy cat wanted his attention, apparently.

[shorterstrides-fasterpace]

After wind-chill the temp outside is listed as "feels like 25°F" UUUGGGHHHHH. Thank god we turned on the heat last night, but I am still so tired and want to go back under my blankies. It is only mid October!!! Actually temp is 34°F though, so that on par, but BOO.

It is now 5:47AM My plan was to take care of journaling I did not complete last night. But I scrolled Tumblr instead. Ooft. I may be getting Starbucks today..

...

Well, after 28min of looking over the drinks I have made my Starbucks order 🤦‍♀️ ooft. Menus and decisions are very hard for me. I should be excited for today, it will be the return of my favorite co-worker! And I need to be at work early. But now I am stuck in the bathroom... Too much Cabbage this weekend I guess?? Owie. I should technically be leaving, like, now ish.

...

It is flipping snowing... I love snow, but not the second week of spooky month.

...

Day is better!! Co-worker is here and she is happy and it is contagious 😁 feeling better. Going to work on my favorite concept/job #

...

Excitement wearing off. I want to eat literally any and everything. I am not hungry. But I want to consume all the food.

...

I put in my headphones and and listening to a audiobook. My mind almost immediately calmed and I am able to focus. I do not understand how that works. But it consistently does. But I never want to start listening for some reason.

....

On and off stressy-depressy-lenom-zesty staying with simple tasks. First meeting of the day in 30min. Venti with 4 shots of espresso almost gone. Not sure if it had an impact.

...

OOOOHHHH now I feel the coffee! Hello caffeine headache! How have you been?? Now to drink water to counter act it.

...

Ate my lunch (it is/was 12:05-12:30). Was not over hungry, but it was lunch time and I wanted to eat. I now once again feel the absolute NEED to go eat, especially eat chocolate if I could get it. I am not hungry, I know I have had plenty today. But I feel I NEED to devour something or I will implode.

I would like to drink water, but I cannot seem to make myself. I will keep trying.

...

12:35 - Oh look!! My heart rate just jumped up 15bpm and increasing. Hello panic 👋👋. Why yes! I did just drink water! Please calm down... Back to headphones?

...

Why is focusing so damn hard? Just do one task at a time. Just recall the damn task and do it.

I just want to go run and jump and move, anything but the task at hand.

...

In bed by 6pm.

...

Up and showered at 8. Feats includes: putting soap on the wash cloth and rinsing it back out. (Twice...), Tried to out my ear pods pointy side in.

[champion-of-thedas]

WoT Reread: New Spring Chapter 1

I suppose this is the first installment of the reread. The way I’m going to write it is I’ll have bullet points for anything I think of while the chapter is going, and if I have anything that occurs to me at the end, I’ll put it in a paragraph. Since this book specifically is involved with the fanfic that I’m writing, I’ll probably talk a little about that as I go. I am going to do this a chapter at a time, if only for my own sanity.

I love this series, but I will get salty. Just a warning.

Chapter 1: The Hook

· It may not have the traditional Wheel of Time opening, but it still starts with a wind.

· I originally read/listened to (I’m doing this on audiobook so I can write and I did it on audiobook the first time so I could listen while driving and at work) right after Fires of Heaven, so this was my first experience with Lan POV.

·Bukama

·I’ll admit this starts out with a lot of description and I zoned out for it

·Wow. It’s so strange to think of Lan having bought into the idea that Aiel were darkfriends. At least, he was raised by someone that thought that.

·Okay so Lan doesn’t think that and calls Bukama on it.

·A lot of this is Lan casting shade.

·There was an extensive conversation about borderlander etiquette which I found fascinating, but remember little of. What I did remember when I listened to it was that a lot of it seemed to be very conscious of the chain of command (which makes sense given what we learned about Sheinaran ranks) and to make sure that you are extremely aware of who you are talking to. This possibly could do with the idea that you could use the information to track them down to see if they’re lying, make connections if they aren’t but are a darkfriend, and make sure that the person is not a Fade.

·I remember that the first time I read this, I was convinced that Lan was being betrayed with the military maneuver. It was that or the other commander was so unaware of the intricacies of borderlander culture that he didn’t realize probably sending Lan to his death was a bad idea. I honestly don’t remember if I was right or not.

·I probably should not have started listening to this while in a brain fog. It’s been that kind of day.

·I love the addition that some of the army are cursing stubbed toes. I too would curse stubbed toes if I had to stay moving in formation.

·I could do without the extensive explanation of what a hammer and anvil is. My brain is not equipped for this.

·“Some men would die in their beds, but since boyhood Lan knew he would not.” Thanks Lan.

·I’m trying to imagine the moment being one of these people that are basically going “what the fuck” in their heads while Lan gets shouted at by the Aiel. It feels like it would be hilarious.

So this chapter felt like a lot of set up, probably because I’m pretty sure this is the first Lan chapter in the entire series (don’t quote me on that). It would make sense that RJ would try and get into Lan’s head so that people who were ecstatic for it would soak it in. I have two problems with it: it is heavy on the ‘beginning of a Jordan book’ isms where everything is described in excruciating detail and also I’m not as interested as I thought I would be. I remember not really enjoying Lan’s chapters in this book, and part of that is the non-consensual ‘relationship’ that shows up later. My limited experience in cultural anthropology will come into play later when I discuss that, because I have a lot of feelings.

The rest of my lack of paying attention comes specifically from the fact that the fanfiction I am writing neither starts at this point nor really features Lan. I’m actually at the point where I’m not sure I want him in it. Not to do with him as a character, but I’m having trouble putting him in somewhere. We’ll see.

[loveisbraveandwild]

bestie i just read your reading list and …… any suggestions how to read more? i have read only 3 books this year :(

omg 3 is a LOT! i work in a bookstore and read their and abt 5 more hrs a day because i have no social life lol but my point is i do books for a living! most of my friends read 12-20 books this year and ur right on track! here’s some advice i hope is helpful! if others want to share their thoughts, pls do

1. i just got a kindle and obsessed and knocking books out left and right!

2. use ur library and dnf books u rnt feeling within ~50 pages! it takes me 3x as long to get through a book i dont love and its hard to motivate myself to sit down and open it. i put this w/using libraries because it makes it guiltless to dnf! i used to buy books and felt like i was wasting $20 if i stopped! now i have a list of the books ive read i want to own and am curating my bookshelf:)

3. join book clubs! my gf has joined 3 since meeting me and reads abt a book a week now, where before they were reading 1 a month. this might contradict dnfing books u dont love but will motivate u to find out the genres u like and step out of ur comfort zone

4. audiobooks! if you can do it, they count and anyone who says they dont is lying! a lot of ppl i know cant do audiobooks; i can only do them for memoirs (where i feel like km listening to a podcast). i recommend libby (free) or libro.fm (ethical alternative to amazon).

5. join storygraph!! it helps u track ur reading and u can put in annual page and book goals and tells u if uve fallen behind! it motivates me to stay on stop of my goal, i want to see my stats grow and diversify, and im lowkey competitive so seeing my friends read im like I WANNA READ TOO

6. find friends who read! nothing like getting a book rec from them! and nothing like sharing ur thoughts abt a book with them! or recommending to them! i love my bookish community and they inspire me to read diversely every day

7. white noise! something ive started doing when reading is putting in headphones and playing white noise. reading gets me out of my head and this does too. i can just focus on the words on the device and i feel like im in my enclosure!

8. invest in a good reading spot in ur home. if u can find a place that works for u, whether it be ur bed, couch, or a reading nook. commit to sitting there for 20-30 minutes a day with ur device on the other side of the room! if u read 30 mins/day u’ll likely finish a book abt every 2 weeks!

9. turn to your book, not ur phone. have 10 minutes of downtime? grab ur book, not social media. these minutes add up and u’ll find u’ll want to pick ur book up more as u get in the habit. especially before bed or first thing in the morning! or if u watch youtube when u eat alone, read instead:)

10. take time picking a book! a lot of my non-bookish friends think they can just pick up any book on the shelf, but as i said in 2. if u dont like the book, u wont read it. do research! if theres an identity you want a main character to have so its relatable, find it! if u know u like YA books, browse that section of ur library. this is also why storygraph is so great- it recommends based off taste and a personalized algorithm! theres also a lot of quizzes and lists (bookriot i recommend) to find books! it takes time to find ur book preferences, but once u do, it will be easier to feel success in reading!

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

Thank you, honestly that made me cry a little...

When I was younger I tried to ignore when someone asked me how I'm doing or tried to change the topic without giving an answer, now just like you said I think it's a reflex to say that I'm good and quickly avert attention from me to others

And I guess I'm not that good? I was supposed to have an evening shift at work today, but about two hours before that they called me and asked if I could come for the night shift instead and I agreed... I normally don't do them, it's not like I don't like them or can't do them, honestly they are kinda nice - it's just more quiet and less stressful at night, but I learned that my brain is much meaner at night, especially when I'm alone... and during the few night shifts that I had there were moments where I needed to stop everything and just focus on not crying, so I'm not looking forward to that...

And after I got that information about shifts changing, I didn't do anything... I just stayed in bed all day (basically I was in and out of sleep for 5 hours) and it just feels like I wasted a whole day and I know tomorrow will be the same because always after a night shift I sleep till like 3 or 4 pm

Sorry for dumping this on you...

And thank you for such a kind answer and for asking 💕

first of all, you’re not “dumping” this on me, i asked. and even if i didn’t, i still wouldn’t look at it that way, i would just think that you’re super strong for opening up and looking inward, even if it’s just to little old me, a complete stranger on the internet.

my brain gets weird at night as well. always has and probably always will. it’s like, both because i am tired as well as the lack of sunlight and stuff that does psychologically to a person, that im just a lot more open, susceptible and fragile and it’s harder not to get knocked down by something. it’s so much of a thing for me that i’ve over the years set rules for myself in order to make the evenings and the nights better so that i get as good a night of sleep that i can (because sleep is incredible and has so much power over your brain and the chemicals zooming throughout your body it’s wild).

i don’t know what it is your job entails, but maybe there is something you could do in those situations to make it easier? something that could distract you, like maybe listen to something (music, podcast, audiobook). or maybe even something as “small” as making sure you’re comfortable, wearing something that doesn’t feel ew (of course unless you wear a uniform, in that case, maybe comfy shoes? unless they’re a part of it too). also maybe having a little thing you can fiddle with in your pocket. might sound like a tiny thing, but that’s something i did most of the years i went to school, i think since i was around 14 and the therapist i was talking to back then gave me a very smooth rock from her office for me to hold in my hand while doing something bad i had to do. i think she gave it to me to help remind me of some of the good things we went over, but i personally find that having a little thing in my palm (later it became fidget toys) can help ground me, help my nervous system a tiny bit (because sometimes you just need a tiny bit to get through to the other side), and help me not unconsciously do some of the bad coping mechanisms my body has a habit of doing (an example could be chewing on the inside of my cheek). maybe it could also be something as small as bringing some yummy snacks with you! lots of the relatively small things can really add up, that’s often how i got through exams. and at the end of the day, it has really helped me to hold onto this and it might help you as well: you are an adult, if it gets too much then you can always just get up and leave. you always have the power to just go.

and one last thing, i don’t personally think that you wasted your whole day away. you did what your body needed you to do, rest before and after something turbulent. how is that a waste? i don’t think it is. i think its great, i think its productive. you did what your body told you it needed instead of powering through in a way that would properly make the night even worse and then cause you to need more time to recover.