#hatchetfield boy jerry

[vilnmelling]

The Matthews-Goldstein-Lipschitz-McNeils

While I make some more alignment charts, voilà, here's my rendition of the Jon Matteson family tree!

Gary and Paul are brothers, and they have an older sister who my sister and I definitely didn't name after Jon himself. There's quite a big age difference between the siblings, with twelve years between Joan and Paul (Gary's somewhere undecided between there).

I've seen many people headcanon Gary as Richie and Trevor's dad, but I just canNOT see that man raising children. Plus, the surnames don't match up. Speaking of surnames, though, Gary changed his on his own accord, purely for his lawyer brand. "Gary Matthews" just didn't have the right ring to it.

Joan has three sons: Trevor, Richard ("Richie") and Daniel. Trevor and Richie are twins (Trevor is eleven minutes older, I don't make the rules). Paul used to be saddled with babysitting the trio, and as a result, he's very close with his nephews, even now that they don't need babysitting anymore. He's especially close with Richie. BONUS: Trevor is the reason Paul had to see Godspell at the rec center. Trev was in it, and he also thought it was awful (in a fun way).

Since Black Friday tells us two of Linda's sons aren't Gerald's, and Lauren has confirmed that Linda and Gary have had at least one affair, we put two and two together and now Gary's the biological father of Trent and Seaton. (Seaton was picked at random, and Trent being Gary's child was just obvious). Whether or not Gary knows this is up to interpretation. It's possible Linda's the only one who knows.

Wallace McNeil and Boy Jerry are brothers and the cousins of Joan, Gary and Paul. Wallace got the f*ck out of Hatchetfield the moment he had the possibility to. Girl Jeri converted Boy Jerry into such deep Christianity, but then he took it further than she ever had.

Due to Lauren confirming Linda and Gary's affair/s (whether it was a joke or not, I take that as canon now), Roman Murray and the Monroe family aren't a part of this family in any official, legitimate way (*cough* looking at you, Gary and his illegitimate children *cough*).

For reasons I hope are obvious, Wiggly isn't included either.

Now just imagine the family gatherings. Summer barbecues, where Trevor takes every opportunity to reference the Barbecue Monologues. Christmas celebrations that Boy Jerry is specifically asked not to show up to. He shows up anyway — even the time they didn't tell him at whose house they were celebrating. Birthday parties where no one has any idea what to buy the birthday person. What does Paul get Trevor the theater kid? What would Boy Jerry get Richie the anime nerd? What does anyone get Paul the Normal Man?

[shvmblr]

Compulsory Jon Matteson appreciation post ‼️

here’s a few sketches of some of his characters I made for stickers!! :)

[honeyspawn]

He gets typecast as blue.

[hilacopter]

The Jon Matteson Spectrum

is this literally anything

[just-some-normal-jessica]

woe. jon character lineup be upon ye

individual sillies under the cut

[itsdefinitely]

my magnum opus

[summon-us-once]

I love the hc that all of Jon’s characters are related cause on one hand you’ve got this loser anime dweeb but in the other you have this unhinged lawyer. But then you’ve also got the most basic guy to ever exist then you have some kid with super powers AND you also have a religious virgin with a murderous inhumane son who lives in the woods, and I’m not even going to include what might happen if you try involve wiggly somehow. It’s just so crazy (I love it so much)

[cool-loser]

While making all of Jon's characters related is funny what's funnier to me is that they all just so happened to have the same face

So one day at Beanies they all just so happen to be there at the same time and they don't notice at first until Emma looks around and is holding Paul's coffee but can't distinguish which one is paul anymore

They all look around and have this weird standstill

Of course, Richie is like, "Oh my God, I'm a clone"

Then Paul 23 walks in and hears that and immediately turns and walks out

[rockrosethistle]

I've been trying to figure out Jon Matteson Character Family Tree theory

after all of my limited research, here's what I've come up with:

Wallace is using his military powers to keep Lumberaxe hidden.

Richie is unhelpful to this cause and once told Pete "did you know my second cousin is the hatchetfield axe man."

'Uncle Paul' drives Gary's kids to school. One day they got in the car and there was a whole seven year old child back there also calling him 'Uncle Paul.'

Also Paul's been offering the kids money in exchange for dirt on Ted.

Gary knows one of his kids likes anime and the other likes superheroes but he can't really tell the difference. Paul has seen one episode of sailor moon and thinks he knows everything ("who do you kin? Who do you ship? You know who I kin? ... you.")

Gary also went out of his way to join the Wiggly cult because he knew it would piss off Jerry.

Daniel is surprisingly close with his cousin Wallace. It turns out having psychic abilities can be really useful to the Secretary of Defence.

Also Daniels been buying a lot of stuff recently with money that came from...the 'stock market.' He got himself some new roller blades and got Richie some anime pillows. Gary pretends not to notice but already is writing up a case for Daniel incase he gets in trouble.

Aunt Emma has secretly been buying Richie blue hair dye for like a year. Gary has no idea where it's all coming from, but he keeps finding the empty boxes and Richie's been wearing a lot of hats recently.

(Which really confuses him because he never told Richie he couldn't dye his hair.)

[nabwastaken]

I was inspired by another post so I sent my friend random Hatchetfield characters with little information and made them guess who they were.

[lucreziaborgiagf]

nightmare time: abstinence camp (starkid, 2021)

[vilnmelling]

Jon Matteson doesn't get enough credit for playing lovable loser weeb, crazed religious man, jokester theater kid, Normal Man and Eldritch god who talks like he's speaking to a toddler all in one musical

[xxbimboboyxx]

This is not their building

[ssszlami]

hatchetfield as onion articles :)

i will never get sick of these

[teranobriss]

No context background Jerries for your viewing pleasure

[wardback]

I made a thing

The jon matteson alignment chart