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#hate how this turned out but here goes
hollytanaka · 1 year
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PENTIMENT (2022) Andreas Maler petting animals in Tassing and Kiersau Abbey
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guinevereslancelot · 6 months
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what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!
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cloudysarts · 8 months
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this show would be good if literally everything about it was different
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cranberrymoons · 3 months
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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willowfey · 1 year
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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bylertruther · 2 years
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"will shouldn't use a gun in season five because his father probably taught him how to use one and that could be a bad reminder for him" have you considered that will using what was very likely a Bad experience to save his life in what is undoubtedly an even worse experience could be a good thing? have you considered that him using a skill he was forced to learn to save not only himself but (as is likely more important and meaningful to him) the lives of others could give him a sense of usefulness and safety knowing that he isn't defenseless and can stand his and others' ground if need be? especially considering that's a skill that we've only seen hopper and nancy possess, making it that much more valuable and himself more helpful to the group? after everything in s1 and s2, he's probably felt guilty for having endangered them and dozens of other people multiple times, i don't think it'd be out there for him to feel "happy" that he can finally return the favor and protect them for once (especially after having complained about being babied and treated like a doll).
"will doesn't have and shouldn't have powers because that makes him different and he doesn't want to be different" not only are you wrong lol <3 but how have you not noticed that will's entire thing since the very beginning is that he is different and he knows it and while he does get his heart broken over the fact that this means he faces constant unfairness in life, he still refuses to be any other way? will doesn't conform nor does he ever try to even when others try to force or shame him to. he gets frustrated and upset at being treated differently, yes, but he stays true to himself. to battle that feeling he sometimes gets that tells him he's a mistake, a feeling he gets not from his own otherness but from living in a world that Makes it an otherness and thus isolates him for it, he seeks out that which he loves and enjoys and throws himself wholeheartedly at it. will lives his truth and is willing to suffer the consequences for it. he refuses to live in darkness and let it take a hold of him. he holds on to hope and all that makes him feel better for being different. he holds on to art, to dnd, to video games, to his family and his friends, and everything that brings him joy and reminds him that it's okay to be different. in s1 joyce defends will ("he's missing is what he is") and jonathan tells him he shouldn't like things that other people (namely their homophobic dad) try to force him to like, that he should like what he genuinely likes. in s2 jonathan gives will the freak speech and tells him that no one normal ever accomplished anything and mentions bowie. in s3, he doesn't get a speech, (though joyce does tell him that when he falls in love he won't find it gross [avoiding the word girlfriend and leaving it neutral]) but he does face backlash from someone that IS trying to conform and IS shaming will for not letting go of "childish" things aka his interests, what's important to him, and what he wants. does will back down or shy away in shame? no. instead, he lets mike sit in his shame for having said something that hurtful, and he says "yeah. i guess i did. i really did." clearly this is a conversation about what makes will different aka his sexuality bc he goes and destroys castle byers (the safe place he and his brother built once their homophobic dad left which is a place will can be himself unapologetically) with what is likely a bat that lonnie gave him when trying to get him into baseball. he calls himself stupid and donates his dnd books, but i don't see this as an act of conformity (he tells mike as much, suggesting he'll just use his books + if he was ashamed he wouldn't have painted the party as their dnd characters and given it to him of all people lol). he felt stupid because he thought they'd always be crazy together, that they were of the same mind and heart still, and that they had the same brand of "otherness" if you catch my drift. then in s4 we get jonathan's tender "you're my brother and there is nothing absolutely nothing that will ever change that" which is the most direct anyone has ever been about that which makes will different. and he doesn't shy away from it! he doesn't deny it, because we can see from his confession and how he breaks down that he's desperately been wanting and needing to hear that. he accepts that love and allows himself to be held and seen by someone else, as he has every other time. because will doesn't hate being different, he just hates that he has to live in a world where that's seen as wrong and thus makes him feel like he doesn't belong because of it. but he doesn't change himself. he doesn't feel ashamed of it. he doesn't see it as a flaw in himself or others and he never has. will is different and he knows it and he wouldn't have it any other way.
will's story since the beginning has been about being different and going through awful things, and managing to not only find the light in it but also make it out stronger because of it all. it's always been about using what makes him different as a good thing and as something he uses to save himself and others.
will being good with a gun bought him time with whatever kidnapped him. will knowing how to run and hide kept him alive in the upside down. will acted as a spy while possessed and managed not only to save hopper but also tell them how to finish this. will's experiences and senses helped them figure out what was happening in season three. will's love and loyalty inspires mike and manages to bring him to a better place even if just for a moment in the van, and again he's the one that knows vecna's current state, aaaand had he been in hawkins at the time it likely would've gone a lot better because as dustin said "we need will".
taking something awful and turning it into a good thing and a source of strength is a wonderful trope. it's inspiring and empowering not only for the character but for those that could use that hope and reminder that there's always a silver lining, that life isn't all darkness and shadows and hurt. not only that, but it's something that they've literally always done for will since the very beginning. he is the prime character for that. his entire message has always been that it's okay to be different and that you can find strength and peace in that; that the things that make you different aren't a detriment, they're precisely what make you strong. like... i'm sorry, but have you not been paying attention at all whatsoever this entire time or... :/
#some of u heard 'sometimes it makes you feel like a mistake' and just forgot every other season ever it seems like#but idk maybe IM the outlier here lmao#characters like mike steve and eleven i can see the conformity argument for#BUT WILL?!?!?!?#will who has always drawn and listened to his music and wanted to hang out with his friends and play dnd and who#gets made fun of for so many things even by those that mean the world to him but has never ONCE tried to change#anything about who he is over that..... THAT'S who you think thinks being different is a bad thing!?!?!#will who has never lied about being a loner or what he likes or what he wants in life or has dressed like other people want him to#will who specifically has received multiple It's Okay To Be Different speeches and came out of them believing them is the character#that you think hates being different? will who loves mike's nerdy self and thinks the absolute world of him and TELLS HIM AS MUCH AND#CONFESSES HIS GAY LOVE TO DESPITE THE SUMMER OF HOMOPHOBIA AND THE AIRPORT FIASCO AND THAT DREW A#FUCKING HEART ON HIS SHIELD UNABASHEDLY AND CONFESSED IN FRONT OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE TOO ON TOP OF THAT#IN THE EIGHTIES!!!!!!! TO MIKE!!!! WHO COULDNT TOUCH HIM AND HAS A CONSERVATIVE FAMILY AND DIDNT TALK TO HIM FOR A YEAR#IS WHO YOU THINK HATES BEING DIFFERENT . HELLO#literally everything that he goes through is turned into something 'good' because that's the POINT!!!!#HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE NORMAL!!! HE IS NOT THE CHARACTER U SHOULD BE MAKING THOSE ARGUMENTS FOR LMAO#jus say u don't want him to have powers bro don't be lying on my blorbito's name like that 😭😭😭😭😭#anyway. crazed frenzy is over im normal now <3#u kno how the long and all too passionate bordering on Is This Bitch Okay mobile posts go#back to being offline now byeeeee 🏃‍♀️
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ickypuppi3 · 2 years
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i have some thoughts
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starsteemer · 9 months
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Nothing is more embarrassing than developing a sudden appreciation for a niche, mid, one-episode villain that absolutely nobody else cares about, only because you made an OC that loves and appreciates them and dammit now you do too. and next thing you know you're writing elaborate backstories and emotional arcs 😭
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year
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watching taxi driver but what i am actually seeing is the elaborate alternate version im constructing in my head where lucifer has to escort sam through hell in order to save bela, who didn't deserve the fate she got, and sam is so filled with hope that he can right this wrong and complete the trial and then when they get there she's a demon <3
#'escorts' thats what lucifer intends to do anyway but it turns out that hell Likes sam#hell wants to be what sam wants. it will shape itself for him.#sam wants hallways and easy to find souls? sam is getting hallways and easy to find souls#and cages of course. sam expects cages. so there are cages.#anyway. cue lucifer getting increasingly upset that hell is out of his control. because it isn't fully in sam's either.#meaning they're both in a pretty vulnerable position. lucifer less so he could break out of this pit. not the cage but regular hell? easy.#but sam could get snagged on something on the way out. torn to bits. eaten alive. and lucifer doesn't want that.#anyway back to bela. they do find her. she's long since turned to a demon. it's a way of survival down here and she survives#and she doesn't fucking want sam to help her. in her own words she'd say how she's nearly clawed her way out of the pit herself#that sam wants to take her deeper in to take her out and fuck that she's almost made it on her own#and add to that that a demon aint going to heaven. so now what.#(well now is the time for arguing and sam being like We Don't Have Time And I Can't Leave You Behind Without Being Broken By Guilt.#lucifer (not helpful): what if i just catch her and drag her out. || Sam & Bela: NO.#i do think bela accompanies them out i think she sees that she has to#(forgot to mention. bobby is not in hell in this au. because we don't need him to save.)#anyway my point MY POINT is. they still need to save Someone. and sam's like. who am i supposed to find.#the answer is jake talley btw. who has not broken to hell in all this time. and is quite despised by the current leadership.#(also. down the bloodline to be a potential lucifer vessel. so when lucifer sees him he goes <3 hiiiii.)#and all four of them dig their way out of the pit. jake goes to heaven. he and sam have A Moment.#and bela is like cool :) thanks :) now fuck off and leave me alone i hate you die and goes to do demon shit#idk. thoughts.
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dreamcast-official · 11 months
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ugh.
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hmsmilkbone · 1 year
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neo-shitty · 2 years
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i thought i’ve grown out of this phase
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years
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Oh okay I've now realized that my last group of friends has completely fucked my ability to form new close relationships or find myself worthy of interacting with people I perceive to be better than me (aka all people)
#just sitting here like :|#i know that feeling of like every time you lose someone in your life a part of you goes with them but I didn't realize how bad it was until#i got into a situation where I tried to make new friends and then it's just my brain wondering when they're gonna turn on me and I'll be#hated by a new group of people and I keep trying so hard to patch things up and make new friends and it's just like every time no one wants#to talk about anything that went wrong they simply want to leave without explanation or sympathy#i feel like I've been alone so long that I forgot how to be a person around other people#I'm wearing my person suit and just keep repeating 'be yourself' but I didn't fucking know who I am when I'm not completely alone drowning#out my thoughts with as much Pinterest music and stupid tv I can handle at once#like ugh I just wish I hadn't fucked everything up so bad with my last few groups of friends#i just want to feel like myself again and everytime i just barely start to feel like myself I find new friends and as I adapt to them they#leave and I'm alone again and I have to find who I really am all over again#why do I change for other people? i don't even realize I'm doing it until it's too late#ughhhhhhh#i am just exhausted#and my head hurts and I feel gross and tired and I want to cry and today is 75 days since my dad died and I've been thinking about him a lot#and I'm just so fucking exhausted and sad and emotional and I just want someone to fucking like and for me to believe them
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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im terrified to turn 18 next year but also i basically just confirmed with one of my best friends that we're gonna find an apartment together and be roommates so suddenly the future doesn't seem too horrible
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slowdrippingnoise · 3 days
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g*d this sucks so bad
#you know when youre stuck with somebody and you know they hate you and tbh you worry theyre gonna get too into it some night and just#stab you or something. because while they may occasionally protest they also mostly loudly blame you for every problem theyve#brought down on their own head ever. but also because they Hate You Real Bad and Cannot Cope With Life they like to Trap you and generally#harrass you away from any way of getting Out Of There because if theyre not enmeshed with you in some way whats the point :(#where was i going with this#anyway im sick of deleting these posts after i make 'em. theyre more true than the take-backsies. fuck this just walk out i can leave(maybe#(if i get lucky here)#we have. one car is the fucking problem. and public transport here is Not Robust!#i had a little money at some point because i was working but now i dont because. i spent most of it on you :)#and you took the rest :)#what goes around comes around i guess but i sure wish it didnt involve trapping us together like tangled rats#idk. im broke as shit. confusing-ass abusive-ass shitty fucking family. why are we like this#my memory and brainpower are nowhere near good enough for this i shouldve been born some kind of hermit caveman. thats my ideal career path#whyd you get a pet snake and try to raise it like a dog. im not one of those. my dad wasnt one of those. i wasnt gonna be one#no matter how much you wanted it. i was always gonna bite. but you never fucking noticed#just always the same the same the same#anyway. heel turn 2. fuck this shit im out. peace#im gonna miss my cat. fuck. hes gonna miss ME he doesnt know any of this. hes just a baby kitty hes known me forever#ugh
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god i love james wans movies, theyre so bad but so good
#like some of them are bad at being horror but good at being drama and im here for it#i have mixed feelings about the warrens irl but them in the movies 😭😭 i need a husband like that#i hate them they made me attracted to patrick wilson and thats not okay#but fuck by the third movie lorraine knowing him so well she keeps his heart medication in her locket😭😭😭#because he goes running without thought to save her even when she doesnt need saving#even when she CAN handle it herslef she never needs to push through the worry or fear#because he just always instantly there#but as for the annabelle movies i still think the real doll is creepier than the dead silence leftover prop BUT he or someone on his team#knows not only horror but ghosts#and its impressive to me all the things they split between annabelle and the nun/valak that are legitimate haunting experiences#its the room turning darker the longer you look into it amd the horned things smile#and the yellow eyes that they onlt gave to the nun#because i honestly believe that showing it in its true form with all of these traits would give it power#and like...release it#anyway the two movies i wanted to watch arent up for streaming ans im too lazy to get my laptop out for it#cause im actually maybe gonna play a game on it duh#but fuck i do think james wan doesnt pull punches with jumpscares while also creating compelling characters#especially if those characters are fully damned from the beginning#idk maybe i feel this way because of my paranormal experiences but i genuinely do like jumpscare horror when its done well#becayse his is#and also he know how just Bad malignant was and he did it anyway😭#annabell creation was the best by far tho horrorwise#plotwise i do love the conjuring 2 even though they werent involved with the enfield haunting#after their initial interview they werw told to fuck off by the family ans morris rosse was the main investigator#but valak was sexy and it was such a lovely portrayal of their relationship#tbh annabelle is good but it just makes me a little sad because she nearly loses her baby#that stuff kinda gets to me not as horror but as like a personal thing#ill still watch it tho im not a baby i can deal with that shit but just i know i probably cant have kids and wouldnt survive if i tried so#anyway james wan haters get fucked his movies are good when hes the one directing them
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