#have a rare 'i actually write the credits/title' cover

[fluxydrawings]

World so beautiful. isat podfic now exists :3 weird body horror story by onea my fav authors like ever aka @versegm! go check out their other stuff its good.

[buttercupjosh]

nineteen

(Gif credit to @fivehole)

word count: 5,152

warnings: none

genres: strangers to lovers to ex’s, a bit sad, somewhat happy ending

A/N: To start, I know that Nolan’s not as popular anymore and his future in the NHL is looking a bit bleak but despite that, this story exists. This story is based off of the songs, the Hayley Williams cover of Nineteen by Tegan and Sara, (which is where the title comes from), You All Over Me by Taylor Swift feat Maren Morris and Last Kiss by Taylor Swift (I highly recommend listening to those songs before reading. I’m taking vibes, elements and references from them and putting them in the story and listening will also help with understanding the plot). I’ve wanted to write a fic based off of those songs for a while and my vision for the story works best with Nolan. It’s set in a timeline format by the hockey season. It’s written with a female reader in mind because I’m a female of color but the reader doesn’t specifically have to be a POC or a woman and there’s no dialogue. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

(P.S. I have other stories (linked here) that I have written for other players as well if you want to check it out)

“You were mine, always but now you’re gone. Look what we’ve become, just another sad song of a love gone wrong.” -Pictures by Judah and the Lion feat. Kacey Musgraves

2017-18

Nolan could feel you in his limbs before he ever met you and he could feel you in his life before he ever thought to. How can you feel someone that you don’t even know yet? On the day you met, Nolan felt an unexplained tingle in his body. He was dreading having to go to the DMV but he misplaced his license so on a rare weekday off, he went to get a replacement license. Nolan really needed his license; he legally couldn’t drive without it. He could only imagine the chaos that would ensue if the recently 2nd overall NHL draft pick was pulled over and caught driving without his license so he couldn’t put off getting it done. To top it off, Nolan felt this weird tingling sensation in his body so he mentally made a note to talk about it with the team doctor. Travis (TK) kindly dropped Nolan off at the DMV and continued with his other plans for the off day. For you, you had some time after your classes to pop into the DMV to renew your license, which was going to expire soon because your birthday was coming up.

That tingling feeling that Nolan was experiencing went away when you first interacted with each other in that crowded waiting room back in 2018, in the middle of his first season with the Flyers. The softness in your voice asking if the seat next to him was taken directly contrasted with the deepness of Nolan’s voice. It was going to be a long wait so to pass the time, you and Nolan started talking to each other. Nolan usually was against unnecessary small talk and preferred to keep to himself but chatting with you felt different. Throughout these conversations, you learned little details about each other; details that would be held onto throughout the course of your relationship. You learned that Nolan was actually a funny guy behind his intimidating demeanor and he learned that you deeply valued family. The connection that you had made in the hours of waiting felt special to Nolan. You didn’t even know each other for that long and that well but it was almost like you could feel each other in your hearts as you talked. Since Nolan had arrived before you did, his number was called sooner so he left first. Before leaving, he quickly wrote his number down on the back of the waiting room ticket.

Later that same day, you sent Nolan a text to check in on him and that started a long text chain between the two of you. In the beginning of your friendship, Nolan definitely had his walls up but as you got to know more about each other, the walls came down. Nolan enjoyed talking to you because you made him feel like a regular person, not some superstar; the pressure of being a high NHL draft pick disappeared in the chats that you shared. Over time, he became more comfortable and trusting with you, even inviting you to his games and team events and telling his teammates about you. You began falling for each other and your relationship grew from texting buddies to friends to lovers. Your relationship with Nolan was quiet but it worked well that way. There was a slow introduction to the most important people in your lives; you’ll never forget how your father complimented Nolan’s handshake and how that handshake indicated to him that Nolan was a strong man and your mother admired how Nolan treated you so well. Nolan didn’t want outsiders to judge and ridicule his relationship with you so there were no direct social media posts of your presence in each other’s lives –only small snippets of his face or hands in your Instagram story posts, listening to songs that you liked or that reminded him of you on his story posts and location tags of being at the same place– but the right people knew you were together. There were also fun things, like surprise flowers and other gifts at your door, inside jokes, and secret road trips down to the beaches on the Jersey Shore. You were down so bad for Nolan and he could make you melt like ice cream on a hot June day with just one look. Nolan was down badly too; he tried to be all cool and push it aside but as soon as you walked into the room or opened his car door, the heat in his cheeks would rise and it was game over. The first year of your relationship together was so amazing until things changed.

————————————————————

2018-19

Due to your summer internship commitments, you only got to spend 2 weeks in Winnipeg with Nolan before school started back up at the end of August. Nolan was anxious about you coming to his safe space of his hometown; it rained the day you arrived and the smell of rain brought comfort to him. As both a test and a joke, you ran towards your boyfriend in the airport to see how he would respond. Nolan saw you running at him and his first reaction was to open his arms to catch you; having you in his arms meant everything to him.

Nolan isn’t a man of many words but being with you made him want to sing. On your first night in Winnipeg, Nolan took you to a bonfire party to meet some of his friends. At the party, you mixed and mingled with the people who Nolan trusted the most. Nolan even pulled you in for a dance, which surprised you because he knew that you weren’t much of a dancer and also that he would bust out a move in front of so many people. After the party flamed out, you and Nolan drove back to his house and by the time you arrived, it was almost 2 am. Before going inside, Nolan had looked at you with those blue eyes of his that you adored and you could sense that he was nervous; something was up. Nolan took a deep breath and told you that he loved you for the first time in that same deep voice that captivated you when you first met and you repeated it back to him. You always knew in your heart that you loved Nolan but hearing him say it meant so much more.

Summer Nolan was much more laid back and chill than Hockey Season Nolan. During your time in his hometown, Nolan showed you around the place that shaped him into who he was and let you meet the people who impacted him along the way; he even drove you all the way out to Brandon to see his old stomping grounds before he was drafted. It wouldn’t be summer unless he also took you fishing, hunting, and out for a day on the golf course as well. You got along well with Nolan’s family and meshed great with them. By the time you left to return to Philly, Nolan was already looking forward to bringing you back home to Winnipeg for many summers to come.

After you had left, Nolan was doing some summer training and unexpectedly started experiencing some migraines; he had experienced injuries and concussions before but this wasn’t like that. Due to Nolan’s career choice as a hockey player, he had access to the best doctors and specialists in the country so that helped relieve some of the stress that came with having a chronic illness. His migraines came with good and bad days and one of those bad days came as a test when you were together.

The first time you had ever spent the night at Nolan’s place in Philadelphia, he had a random migraine. Thankfully, it wasn’t so bad that he would miss time from playing; Nolan was still trying to navigate his newfound diagnosis but he handled it the best way that he could. At the time, he was living with Kevin (you were taking things slow and hadn’t talked about moving in together yet) so you weren’t originally planning on staying overnight but Nolan really needed you there. You weren’t trained like a doctor or nurse to take care of him but you did everything in your power to make him feel as comfortable as possible and to help to alleviate his pain. The only thing that helped Nolan was laying down in the dark with no light and you cautiously lay beside him in the darkness of his bedroom. Whenever you were sick as a child, one of your parents would come into your room to make sure you were breathing okay on your own and you did the same for Nolan. You watched him as he slept and could feel him breathe. That evening was a bit rough but Nolan was so grateful that you sacrificed your time to be with him during an unexpected, difficult situation. Like anything else in life, there would always be ups and downs but you would always be there to take care of him, no matter what.

————————————————————

2019-20 and 2020-21

Nolan continued to miss time away from the team and he did his best to try to get healthy enough to return to play but it took more time than expected. Patience would end up becoming an important, key virtue throughout your relationship. During this time, you graduated early from the University of Pennsylvania with a Bachelor’s in Public Health and Nolan was super proud of you, beaming with joy from watching his lover achieve such a great accomplishment. You decided to take a year off from school before going back to get your Master’s degree in Epidemiology but then in early 2020, a pandemic hit; suddenly, you were hunkering down in Canada with Nolan and his family, your hope-to-someday-be in-laws. The world that you all knew was changing dramatically. The NHL season paused for a bit and started back up in a bubble-style tournament but due to his extended absence and health concerns, the Flyers and Nolan’s doctors felt like it was best for him to continue his recovery instead of having him come down to play in Toronto and Edmonton. You could sense the hurt from Nolan having to watch his team play in the playoffs without him and you felt that same pain, both sharing the hope for things to get better.

After the Flyers season concluded in late 2020, Nolan’s health had stabilized by then and he felt confident about returning to play so the Flyers gave him a contract for the shortened 2020-21 season. That condensed season was a bit brutal on Nolan since he hadn’t played professionally in over a year and the team wasn’t in the best condition at the time but he tried his best to persevere through it. He had a minor setback when Phillippe Myers accidentally hit him with a puck mid-game but thankfully, Nolan only missed 2 games and finished out the season without another injury. You saw a light in Nolan’s eyes when he played; a light that both shined and dimmed as time would go on.

The Flyers missed the 2021 playoffs and Nolan was so appreciative for the time off to recover but he also felt fearful for what was to come for the future. Nolan wanted to escape the criticism and pressure from being in Philly so during the 2021 off-season, he talked to you about his plans for leaving. He thought your input was super important and you were supportive of whatever he chose to do and were open to moving wherever he ended up.

The trade to Vegas was a bit surprising because there was no solid guarantee of where he was going to play but you were both grateful for the chance that the team took on Nolan and to open to this new chapter. It wasn’t easy leaving everything you knew behind in Philly but there was something exciting waiting for the both of you in the desert. You originally wanted to finish grad school in Philly but took a pause on your studies to move with Nolan to Vegas; this was also going to be the first time you had lived together. Living in Vegas had its expected highs and lows but you both made the best of the new city. You still kept in contact with some of the Flyers WAGs and made new friends with Golden Knights ladies, discovered new things to love about each other and the new place you lived. Yes, there still were some setbacks with Nolan’s health and his play needed some adjusting but it was okay because he was glad to be back on the ice and starting over somewhere new. Things were looking fine for both of you until February 16, 2022.

————————————————————

2021-22

You had a rare weekday off so you trekked down to T-Mobile Arena to go watch Nolan play. That game happened to be against the Colorado Avalanche; conference rivalry games always had some sort of chaos and drama but this time, that drama and chaos hit too close to home. As you sat in the stands, chatting away with the other WAGs, something devastating happened. Early in the first period, Nolan got hit. The hit was brutal to watch and you angrily cursed Nathan MacKinnon’s name for what he did to your man. You had always known that hockey was aggressive and physical but this hit ignited both a rage and sadness within you. During the game, you left to meet with the team doctor to discuss Nolan’s prognosis; it was a head injury so you knew what was coming ahead and you had to drive him home. You always liked when Nolan let you drive his car but this time it was different. The car ride back home was very quiet, the only noise was the sound of the other cars around you and the clicks of the turn signal. Every time you saw Nolan hurting, it made your heart break a little. You loved him so much that seeing him in pain made you feel pain and you wished that you could just erase the pain that Nolan dealt with and make him 100% better.

Nolan eventually did return to play before getting hurt again and playing his last game on March 24. After his final game, there was a shift in Nolan and the light in his eyes disappeared. His migraines continued to be on and off but the time away allowed them to stabilize for a bit. During his hiatus from hockey, Nolan became more distant and less affectionate with you. You tried to let his actions not bother you but it silently hurt you. You knew Nolan was upset with the way how his hockey season ended and you tried to comfort him and distract him from his pain but it wasn’t enough for him; it was terrifying to watch him fade away like that. Nolan was hurting a lot, not only physically but emotionally. He couldn’t quite fully escape the injuries and the lingering pressure of returning to hockey was always there. Everything in his life was centered around hockey; his identity, his goals, and the conversations people had about and with him. It was almost like he resented the sport that he was the most grateful for; hockey was the only thing people seemed to know him for and that was gone. The loss of Nolan’s hockey career would be a very challenging loss that he would grieve over but you were right there by his side to support him during this difficult time.

Throughout his recovery time, Nolan began to get rid of anything and everything that reminded him of the life that he once had but didn’t have anymore. First, it was removing the social media posts. Then, it was unfollowing his old teammates and so-called friends who never checked in on him. Finally, it was hurting you. At the end of the 2022 season, Nolan requested that you have a deep serious talk together. In the back of your mind, you knew that something big was coming; Nolan was already distant with you so maybe he needed some more time and space from you. He dropped the already expected and painful news but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Nolan expressed that you deserved better than him and being around you, unfortunately, reminded him both of his past and of a future life that he couldn’t give to you. You didn’t care about those things and it didn’t matter what he could or couldn’t do because all you wanted was him but Nolan already made up his mind to end the relationship.

You couldn’t believe that he would just give up on what you had but he did. Nolan told you he loved you so frequently but now, the feelings of love were going away. You already knew Nolan was devastated with the way his hockey career and life derailed but you never would have imagined him hurting you because of that. You were already there with him through some of the toughest moments for him and were willing to continue to stay through them; if you didn’t love Nolan as much as you did, you would have left sooner. Naturally, you tried to reason with him but everything was pointing towards the end of your relationship. It frustrated you that Nolan wanted to break up for good instead of just taking time apart from each other; you were willing to give him the time and space he desired and the hope of you possibly come back together lingered around throughout the air. You had Nolan but he ended up burning you; you thought your relationship was so solid and strong, that these setbacks and other things wouldn’t break it down but it shattered everything you built together.

Nolan blamed being young in love and wanting to meet new people as a reason for wanting to separate. Deep down, he wanted to be with someone who didn’t know or had any connection to his hockey days so that he could leave that part of himself behind; Nolan just wanted a blank slate to start over from it all but that came at the expense of the beautiful relationship you spent years in. Breaking up with you was like watching a part of himself die; you and Nolan were always separate individuals but your relationship interconnected you together in such a profound way. Nolan’s honest confession to end the relationship hurt so deeply; you could feel the pain in your chest and Nolan could feel the pain of what he did rattling in his bones. It was almost like that tingling feeling Nolan felt the day when you first met returned back.

This breakup was 100% one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” moments. Nolan felt bad about breaking your heart but he felt like the only way for him to get peace from his past wasn’t to carry things from it into his future. He wanted out because of himself, not because you were a bad person or something you did; Nolan truly did have a catch on his hands being with you but he couldn’t hold on much longer so he let you go. You held out and held on to your relationship with Nolan for so long; you sacrificed so much to be and stay with him but Nolan just didn’t want to continue. At the time, it was hard to understand why he didn’t fight for your relationship harder but maybe it was a sign that Nolan wasn’t the one for you and you were never really meant to be.

At least once every day since the first time it was shared, you would tell each other “I love you.” Now, all you could say to each other was goodbye. You could see in Nolan’s eyes that he was trying his hardest to not cry but he did anyway. For one last time, Nolan held you in his arms in a tender embrace as the both of you lost tears. Normally, a couple that just broke up wouldn’t do this but Nolan tilted your head up towards him and sealed the end of your storied relationship with a final tear-soaked kiss.

Over the course of the next few days, you packed up your respective things and began the separation, silently removing things from your shared space. Throughout your packing, you both found little mementos from your relationship; things like the paper ticket Nolan wrote his number on when he first met you, the gold N necklace Nolan gave you on your first anniversary, the birthday card you gave Nolan when he turned 23 last year, a bottle of your perfume that was Nolan’s favorite. You had also found some of Nolan’s clothes that he had given you over the years you were together. The world that you had known together had turned around and it was a lot to process; you really were beginning to enjoy your new home but now, you both had to return back to your old one. Thankfully, one of your local friends let you stay at her place in the meantime until everything was in place for you to return back to Philadelphia and Nolan stayed at the apartment. You were all his and Nolan was all yours but that was all gone. Leaving you behind wasn’t easy but he did it anyway. It was wild how you moved to Vegas at the start of the 2021-22 season and by the time the season ended in April 2022, the relationship was over.

The 2022 off-season was supposed to be different this time. At the start of the year, you and Nolan had made plans to explore Europe for an off-season couple’s trip but before the start of the summer, that trip never happened. Flights and hotels were refunded; the diamond ring Nolan had planned on proposing to you with on the trip was returned to the jewelry store. Nolan went back to his happy place at home with his family but returning to Winnipeg without you this time did hurt him a bit. As expected with returning back, Nolan had to deal with the whispers and rumors that came from people who had no idea what he was going through.

The only bright side of the otherwise sad off-season was that Nolan’s quality of life improved a lot as his migraines continued to get better with the time off; he eventually found a good regime to help him cope and he was able to do some of the things he loved, like golfing and listening to loud music. While he was home, Nolan cooked up a good plan to fly back to Philadelphia to convince you to take him back but that was all in his head; he hadn’t been to Philly since you both moved to Vegas for the trade and he never did return to play a game there. Nolan couldn’t bring himself to go back to the city that was home at one point but isn’t anymore so he let the plan go and let time pass by.

————————————————————

2022-23

The 2022 off-season turned into Nolan not returning to the NHL at all. The Vegas Golden Knights ended up winning the Stanley Cup in 2023 without him; it hurt the both of you to see Nolan’s old team succeed at achieving one of his goals. Despite the progress made in Nolan’s recovery, playing hockey full-time unfortunately never really made its way back into the picture for him.

Nolan still quietly kept tabs on you, watching you from the sidelines. You finished up your Master’s degree program and he was proud of you again, just like he was when you graduated with your Bachelor’s degree. It had been over a year since you last talked to Nolan. You tried to keep tabs on Nolan but he wasn’t really close with anyone from his old teams anymore and you only saw brief glimpses of him through his Winnipeg friends. You romantically moved on with someone new, someone who fulfilled the “if he wanted to, he would” that Nolan chose not to meet. Nolan moved on too, he met a girl in an online support group for athletes whose careers were derailed by injuries. His new girlfriend met the requirement of no hockey connections and she was great; he deeply loved and cared for her, just like he did for you.

Despite the amount of freedom you had from each other since the break up, you weren’t fully clean and still had pieces of each other left lingering all over you. You would never look at a vehicle with muddy tires the same way –they reminded you of when you and Nolan went to Hawaii for All-Star Break, rented a Jeep, and explored the island–, you would never look at anything related to ham and cheese without thinking of Nolan’s pre-game meal and how you missed going to watch him play, the migraine medication commercials made you think about the treatments that didn’t work and wondered what was helping him now. Nolan was notoriously known for his privacy and for being a lurker so you had no idea if he had truly missed you.

Sometimes, Nolan did miss you but he wasn’t going to let you know that. When the Italian restaurant that you had gone to on your first date closed down, Nolan wanted to talk to you to reminisce on those good times but he didn’t reach out, he couldn’t see orange juice without thinking about how he always kept a bottle in the fridge for you, plaid always reminded him of the flannels you wore in the fall, hearing certain songs on the radio made him wonder if you would like this song. One day, while figuring out what to listen to, Nolan came across the playlist. During your relationship, Nolan made a secret playlist called “y/n-core” and it contained all of the songs you liked and songs that reminded him of you. He listened to it whenever he missed you; when you found out about it, you made a similar playlist for him. Music was something important to both of you so deleting the playlist was hard so you both kept it; Nolan would secretly listen to it whenever he missed you and look back at old photos from when you were together and when you missed him, you would put on one of his old shirts and play it as a coping mechanism.

Looking back at the relationship, some questions began to arise. Were there any warning signs that you missed beforehand that could have indicated that the relationship was doomed? Could you blame Nolan for wanting a change? Could you blame Nolan for not changing his mind and not wanting to reconcile what you had? Could Nolan blame you for moving on when he didn’t want to stay together? Neither of you would have ever thought your relationship would have ended the way it did. It started off like a beautiful love song but it crumbled like a piece of paper when it ended. Neither of you would say that you wasted your time being together because you lived and learned throughout your relationship; you both carried those things into your new relationships. Even though you’re not sure if you’ll ever see or hear from him again, you had hoped that Nolan was doing okay and he had the same hope for you. Over time, you forgave Nolan for what he did and Nolan forgave himself for his actions. You understood why Nolan broke your heart the way that he did; he did it because he loved you so much that he willingly walked away from you so that someone better could come into the picture. Nolan’s capacity for love was enough for you but he saw it differently so you had to fully accept his decision.

Even though you’ve both moved on to new partners, your name and Nolan’s name still lingered on each other’s lips whenever either of you kissed your new lover. Sometimes, you missed the moments when Nolan would randomly interrupt you with a kiss (your new partner wouldn’t attempt such a thing) and Nolan actually missed doing it to you and couldn’t bring himself to continue that with his new girlfriend. Every now and then, the feelings of missing each other would occasionally sink in and you both would miss and think about the other. You both hated missing each other because you both had new lovers, but that didn’t prevent those feelings coming up. Sometimes, you both wished that the other would call but those calls would never come and you had to let each other go. If you somehow did end up back together, it would cause more pain than love; how do you fully trust someone who hurt you so much? You both still carried a little of the love you shared together but things would never go back to being the same. After being out of touch for so long, there was no point in trying to revitalize the relationship you had together or to even try attempting to be friends because you were both on different roads and chapters in life. The last drop of rain from the storm of your relationship dried off the pavement and there were no physical stains left behind.

————————————————————

20xx-xx (Epilogue)

Many years later, when you were chilling with your new partner at your apartment, they accidentally spilled water on their shirt so you gave them one of Nolan’s old practice shirts to wear. Seeing your new lover wear something from your old lover made you short-circuit for a minute. How can someone that you love now look so good in something that belonged to someone you loved before? Your new lover also asked you to marry them underneath a pillow fort while wearing Nolan’s old shirt with your dream ring and the date this occurred was the 19th. On a warm sandy beach somewhere, Nolan proposed to his new girlfriend on the exact same day with the same ring you wanted (his now fiancee’s dream ring). Throughout your relationship with Nolan, the number 19 started appearing more in your life and started holding more importance to you because of him. It was Nolan’s jersey number in Philadelphia (changed to 41 in Vegas), his birthday was on the 19th of September, it was part of the address of the first place you lived together, and it was the age that you fell in love with each other. The number nineteen meant something significant to the both of you and neither of you would ever forget it.

[gothamcityhistory]

Detective Comics #29

Cover:

I love this cover art! I like how you can't see Batman's face - It makes him look more menacing! I hate that he doesn't have his purple gloves though... or any gloves... Nothing says stealth like leaving your fingerprints at the scene of the crime. The style of the building, the guy dropping the knife. His pose is so funny!!

I also love Doctor Death's secret lair with technology and bits and bobs... random human skull. Anyways, I also like his pose that is like "Drat!! It's the Batman!"

You might've also realised that I don't call Batman "The Bat-Man" anymore. It's because in this issue is where they drop the dash! (Well not in the title but y'know-)

Also in this post I'm going to start covering up text boxes where possible- Not if not actually reacting to something in the text box

Issue Credits:

Cover by: Bob Kane

Story by: Gardner Fox

Art by: Bob Kane

Recommendation:

Oh my god I loved that comic. It was really good. You should read it!!

Live Read:

Ohhhhh this is before he turned to a life of crime

"Jabah... YOU'RE A GENIUS I SAY! LET'S GET ON IT AT ONCE!!"

What's wild to me is that how it worked so quickly to get his attention

They just give it to him?- ??? No like verification?? No one was curious and collected it just cuz?-

Post man read the paper too and is like "Is that fucking playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne?"

Also the message says that he gets says that the guy will commit a murder and challenges Bruce to go alone and I like how Bruce is like "Sure. Why not". 1939 Bruce really gave no shits

It takes him an half an hour to change into his batsuit. canonically

Also he has those just cuz. Expected this day might come

WOOOOO ICONIC 1939 CADILLAC

I like to imagine he was there in his car, engine on just waiting for 8:30 exactly to drive-

Uhm okay...

Woah! No grappling hook yet!! A Lasso. Yee haw Cowboy...

It probably comes from his grandpappy Zorro

Batman! Batman! Does whatever a spider can-

Also do bats climb up the sides of buildings?

Yippeeeeee!! I love when Batman is being cautious and sneakyy!!

"I'm not trapped here with you. You're trapped here with me"

Bro went to far #NotMyBatman

I'm keeping this as a reaction Image- You can too-

I audibly gasped- /gen

They didn't have to do my bro like that and also why is his ethnicity relevant?-

"It happened on a night out with the boys. Trust"

"K boss"

I'm also keeping this-

He says that out loud- Bruce, my man, he could hear you.

That shit surprised me ngl

Doctor Death is legitimately insane wtf

Review:

I loved that comic. It was great and I actually enjoyed myself reading it and I got immersed in the last few pages and forgot to write my thoughts on the panels as I read them.

I got used to the narration style of the comic so that might be what helped.

I loved the art in the issue a lot so I wont be restricting myself for the Art section.

I liked the Batman acting more Batman and the lasso stuff. That was so cool!!

Art:

I love this panel. It's so cool!!

Hell yeah.

Thank you all for reading!!

Come back whenever! I will post at rarely the same Bat-Time but always the same Bat-Blog!

[celestiaras]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ my kingdom, my rules ]❜

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╰₊✧ i always write unprotected BUT PLEASE WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT DONT BE LIKE THE READER IN THESE FICS STAY SAFE. my works are rarely, if ever, proofread so expect mistakes. my titles are cringe, i don't have better ideas. and finally, don’t take anything too seriously like ooc characters/character dynamics, i write for fun and it isn’t worth analyzing

[tendousthoughts]

hey! what about kuroo and suna calling their s/o annoying? i love your work by the way!

HQ Boys Calling Their S/O Clingy pt. 2

Character(s) included: Kuroo & Suna

Warning(s): Foul language (cursing)

A/N: I realized that in my part one I actually had them call them clingy, I really hope that’s what you meant!! I am really dumb and titled it wrong! So imma make this clingy/annoying now- again I apologize! Anything that is with the line next to it (like now) happened the day before, anything normal is present day! This is my first request on here! Thank you so much for all the support on my first part (here). Thank youuu to the writer on this, I’m so glad you enjoy my writing! As always my ask box is open for request, comment, or if you just have some questions! Follows and likes are greatly appreciated! Reblogs help my content get spread so please if you find it good go ahead and do so thank you! Also if anyone wants to rp as lovers- I don’t care about the gender! They can just be meeting or whatever lmao I’m bored.

Song of the day: I was an island

My Masterlist: here

Credit: @/teesumu

Kuroo

You and Kuroo rarely fought. Almost the perfect couple some might say. But his long nights at his job are getting tough to deal with. With your anniversary coming up, you were ready to just celebrate it together. Yet it didn’t really go as planned.

“Um.. Kuroo you think you can take off of work for like a week. Like two weeks from now?” You smiled thinking of how fun it would be.

“Um.. I don’t know,” he grumbled sleepily as he wrote down some notes.

“Oh okay.. um if you can that would be great be-” he finally turned to you looking dead into your eyes.

“I already said that I’ll see okay? I need you to stop being so fucking clingy and annoying.” He lashed out. He immediately covered his mouth looking at you, realizing what he had just said.

“I didn’t mean to..” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes “I didn’t mean to lash out like that. I’m sorry y/n.” You just stood there and shook your head.

Wiping your teary eyes. It wasn’t like you haven’t ever heard that or even thought that before. But hearing it from the love of your life hurt a lot more. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry..” you whisper as you make your way to the bathrooms to wipe down your teary cheeks.

You guys went to bed after that. The only thing that seemed to keep you guys close, were the empty sheets. The thought of you being clingy stuck.

When you woke up you got up and made breakfast for the both of you leaving his on the table while you began to work. You kept thinking back to the night before. God why did it hurt so much. Were you really that clingy? Were you that annoying to everyone? You pushed all that down. Deep down. When he woke up he didn’t feel the best.

“Morning kitty..” he mumbled as his voice sounded like frogs croaking.

“You okay?” You mumble as you type away.

“Not feeling too good.. I might stay home.” He grabbed the food you left for him. “Thanks for breakfast.”

You glanced over and then looked back. “Okay.” He looked a bit confused and walked over sitting next to you on the couch.

“So you wanna hang out today or..?” He chuckles a bit.

“I’m fine, but thanks for asking. I got a lot of work to do but I’ll talk to you later.” You mumbled as you type some more notes onto your email and send it.

He stood there confused, you never said no to hanging out. It was like you were someone different, but at the same time it could just be that you did have a lot of work to do. “Oh okay..” he mumbled, getting up.

A couple hours pass and he comes up to you again as you watch tv. You were at you breaking point when he asked what was wrong yet you tried to contain yourself. He tried to wrap his warm arms around you yet you dodged it and left the room.

At night he came in and looked at you, “Why have you been so distant today..?” He whispered as he poked at you.

You look at him with tears as you finally broke. “I am sorry.. I.. I just was trying to be less clingy for you.” Your voice cracked as you hid your face from him.

He ran up to you wrapping his tight warm arms around you, even trying to be freed; you weren’t able to break through. “Babe...” he whispered softly. “I told you I was being an ass last night. I am sorry, you’re not clingy or annoying and I know you just wanted to hang out. I know you were trying to just be helpful by telling me in advance and I was being a dick babe. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.” Hw whispered in your ear as he held you. “I am sorry kitty.. I am so sorry,” he mumbled softly.

You melted in his grasp, “it’s okay..” you mumble. “I just wanna cuddle for a bit if you don’t mind...?”

“Of course baby.. anything for you,” he mumbles just a bit before closing his eyes. “I love you so much..”

“I love you to baby..” you held on tight relaxing just a bit.

Suna

Suna... Suna. He was something, always calm and collected with you. But when he was having a rough day he was quite the opposite. It was like he was a different person.

You clung to him the moment you guys met. Being there with him when nobody else would. Your love language was touch and you couldn’t deny it. Just by holding his hand gave you butterflies.

“Welcome home!” You smiled as he walked in. God, he looked like a mess. He looked tired and sick. “Are you feeling okay?” You clung to his arm.

“Not really..” he mumbled as he made his way to the bedroom.

“Do you wanna take a bath? I can get one started?” You were trying to be helpful, honestly you were but the questions were starting to get on his nerves.

“Uh sure..” he grumbled.

“Do you wan-” he lost it. He couldn’t deal with the amount of questions.

“Can you stop?” He shoved you off. “Just get off me. You’re too clingy, and I don’t need your help with everything. Leave me the fuck alone will you?” You look at him shocked.

“I’m..” you mumble something underneath your breath. “Nevermind sorry for wasting your time, and being so clingy.” You walk off leaving him shocked and feeling like a dick.

You decided to sleep in the spare bedroom that night not wanting to be “too clingy” again.

When you woke up you went to the room he was sleeping in to grab your clothes and head back into the room. When you finished changing you decided to head out and clear your mind a bit.

“Baby can we talk..?” He knocked on the now empty room door. He barely slept thinking about how much of an ass he was. He slowly opened the door. “Ba-” he looked around and assumed you left.

When you walked back into the house he seemed to be waiting for you. “Uh.. welcome back..” he mumbled.

“I guess, you need something or can I just go back to my room?” You look over.

“Uh I was thinking we can talk maybe?” He looked up.

“Uh I don’t know what about but sure.” You sat far away from him looking up at him softly. “So.. what do you wanna talk about?”

He looked over, “I didn’t mean what I said yesterday.. I’m sorry. Please stop being so distant.. I love you” he couldn’t make up a single thought.

“ ‘s okay... I love you baby..” you mumbled softly tears bribing your eyes as you looked up.

“Um.. can we cuddle or - ?” He looked up as your arms tightly wrapped around him. He sighed contently relaxing into your arms. This was all he ever needed, you.

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[fruitcoops]

So this is sort of similar to the people writing fanfic about the lions but can you imagine the YouTube edits? Like the videos that are just "Cap having heart eyes for Loops for 10 minutes straight" or "Loops lovingly dragging Caps name through the mud for 3 minutes" like those kinds of things and I can just imagine them doing reaction videos and it just being funny and the world just loving coops

Okay so this wasn't a specific fic request but I got carried away with imagining videos and....here you go. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but Grace and Anna are mine! Bonus points to anyone who remembers the easter egg in this one!

Message From: Gracie

ANNA HOLY SHIT

Anna frowned at her phone screen, squinting to read around the spiderweb crack decorating the upper corner. She had tried to convince herself that it was cool, goth, edgy, but in the end she had to admit that it was just irritating. In a tragic turn of events, packing tape couldn’t fix everything.

Message To: Gracie

Wtf did I do

Two weeks of radio silence, then unexplained accusations. Anna shook her head as the grey bubble disappeared for a third time and turned back to her computer. Grace may have been her favorite cousin—and favorite person, if she was being honest—but very few things came between Anna and video editing. Especially editing for a Lions meme video. She had a whole 2,341 followers to attend to, after all.

Message From: Gracie

DID YOU SEE THE FUCKING INTERVIEW???

Message To: Gracie

Wow thank you so helpful

Message From: Gracie

Skip to 2:45 bestie

A link popped up just as Anna cut a segment from the sleep study video, where Loops’ heart eyes were in full effect. It was a rare, precious find for fan editors like herself.

“Come on,” she groaned. Maybe introducing Grace to the deepest parts of her hockey obsession was a mistake. But, really, what else was she supposed to do when she learned her cousin, who didn’t even live in Gryffindor, got to meet her favorite players just by chilling in a café? What kind of cosmic joke was that?

She narrowed her eyes at the embed of the link, then stifled a shriek. Impossible. How had she missed an upload?

As if on cue, her computer pinged with a new notification from the Lion Pride channel. “Oh, fuck me,” she muttered, scrambling to save her half-done video and pressing play.

The interviewer asked basic questions, ones she had heard the answers to a million times while curating her content. It always felt funny to hear people refer to Cap as ‘Sirius’—it was too official, too formal. She had spent countless hours on the compilations of his softer moments, and they were her most popular videos. Cap Having Heart Eyes for Loops for 10 Minutes Gay. Cap Being an Actual Puppy for Six and a Half Minutes. Everyone Wanting Cap Cuddles for Fifteen Minutes. Every Time Cap Smiles When Someone Mentions His Godson. The list was endless. She loved it.

She did a silent fist pump when she saw the interviewer had snagged both Cap and Loops; that would give her a whole new stream of workable content. If she was lucky, she could expand on her series of Loops Lovingly Roasting His Friends, part…fuck it, who was even counting anymore?

Anna was so caught up in her excitement that she nearly forgot about Grace’s suggestion. I’ve never skipped through a video on the first watch before, she thought hesitantly. But maybe just this once…

Her cursor hovered over the 2:45mark. She closed her eyes, and clicked it.

“—have you been adjusting to life as a celebrity?” the interviewer asked. Anna nearly rolled her eyes when Loops laughed. That question had been used far too often to be interesting anymore.

“It’s had its ups and downs,” Loops said with a smile. “Mostly, though, the fans have been incredible and just knocked my socks off with their support.”

“Really? What’s your favorite part of the Lions fanbase?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Their creativity, for sure. There was a video a while back where we reacted to some of the comments people left, and this person on Twitter made an absolutely beautiful collage of photos.”

“I have it saved to my phone,” Sirius added.

One more clip for the simp video. Anna made a note on the small corner space of her European History notes. The degree can wait for ten more minutes.

“Do you have a favorite creator?”

The interviewer was clearly teasing, but Loops’ smile was genuine. “I don’t know about a favorite, but there’s this person on YouTube who makes a shit ton of videos and they’re hysterical. I saw one the other day about—god, what was it again?”

“Every time I smile when people mention Harry,” Sirius answered around a laugh. “Can you blame me?”

Anna didn’t hear the next question. A ringing noise filled her ears as she sat, frozen, on her shitty dorm mattress and listened to her literal heroes talk about her dorky little channel. “Holy fuck,” she blurted after a moment of silence. “Holy fuck.”

“—subscribed?” The man’s voice snapped her back to reality.

“Of course I am!” Loops said. “You think I’m passing up a chance to watch a compilation of my friends making stupid decisions for the entire internet to see?”

A noise that would have been a shriek if Anna had any breath left in her body escaped her lungs; she clamped a hand over her mouth and shakily exited from the video before going to her YouTube account. 800 new notifications. 700 new followers in the last quarter hour. She was pretty sure she blacked out for a second from sheer shock and joy.

Message To: Gracie

What

Message From: Gracie

You’re famous!

Message To: Gracie

What

Message From: Gracie

I bet he knows your stuff better than he remembers me tbh

“They know me,” she whispered, staring at her computer. The unfinished video showed a perfect frame of Loops’ soft smile as he watched Cap get his toothbrush stuck in his pajama shirt. Somehow, the thought was both exhilarating and horrifying. What if they thought she was a creep? She wasn’t, not really, just a bored college student with not enough free time for a job but too much to keep herself busy with schoolwork. Her 2,341—no, 3,052—followers were just other hockey nerds looking for time to kill.

And the subject of those videos was one of her subscribers.

Anna slipped her headphones back on and began to edit like it was her last day on earth. Her fingers flew across the keyboard on muscle memory while her brain fizzed. Perfect, she thought. It has to be perfect.

In four hours, it was done. She sat back, panting, then hunched over again and began tapping out a title card.

Hello. Idk if anyone saw the new Lion Pride video today (linked below if anyone wants to see why I’m dying right now) but apparently Remus Lupin is subscribed to this channel and has been for a while.

Hi Loops. I’m Anna. You met my cousin once and she said she liked your sweater.

Now that that’s out of the way, please enjoy the next five minutes of our new rookie being the sappiest mf in existence (except for his fiancé). Mr. Lupin, please tell Hattie I say hello.

She pressed upload, peeled her headphones off, and collapsed backward on her bed.

Message To: Gracie

If I die here, tell the world I did it doing what I loved

Message From: Gracie

Will do

OH FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING UP THE SWEATER I SOUND LIKE A CREEP

Anna covered her itchy eyes with her forearm and settled in for a long, long nap. Her brain still needed to repair a few circuits.

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

St Vincent: “Pour a Drink, Smoke a Joint... That’s the Vibe”

Ding dong! Daddy's Home

By Johnny Davis

19/03/2021

Annie Clark, known professionally as St Vincent, picked up a guitar aged 12 after being inspired by Jimi Hendrix. During her teens she worked as a roadie and later tour manager for her aunt and uncle, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti. Originally from Oklahoma, she moved to Dallas, Texas when she was seven and later attended the Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts for three years, before dropping out.

Clark worked as a touring musician with the Polyphonic Spree and Sufjan Stevens, before releasing Marry Me, her first album as St Vincent, in 2007. By her fifth album, 2017’s Masseduction, she had become one of the most celebrated artists in music, the first solo female artist to win a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album in 20 years.

She became unlikely Daily Mail-fodder around the same time, thanks to an 18-month relationship with Cara Delevingne, and later Kristen Stewart. Her ever-changing music, dressing up-box image and head-spinning well of ideas have seen her compared to David Bowie, Kate Bush and Prince. To complete the notion of her being the "artist's artist", in 2012 she collaborated with David Byrne on the album Love This Giant.

Indeed, she is surely one of few performers today who could stand in for Kurt Cobain with what’s-left-of-Nirvana, performing “Lithium” at their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2014, as well as cover “Controversy” at a Prince tribute concert in 2020, with such guitar-playing fireworks its author would surely have approved.

Following the glam-influenced pop of Masseduction, St Vincent has performed another stylistic handbrake turn. Complete with a new image – part-Warhol Superstar, part-Cassavetes heroine – she has mined the textures of the music she loved most as a kid: the virtuoso rock of Steely Dan, the clipped funk of Stevie Wonder and blue-eyed soul of mid-Seventies' David Bowie, on her upcoming album, Daddy’s Home.

The title refers to Clark's own father, locked up in Texas for 12 years in 2010, for money laundering in a stock manipulation scheme, one in which he and his co-conspirators cheated 17,000 investors out of £35m. It is also, in typical Clark style, a bit of saucy slang.

Back on the promotional trail, Clark Zoomed in from Los Angeles one morning recently – fully caffeinated and raring to go. “My vices?” she pondered. “Too much coffee, man…”

What question are you already bored of being asked?

There’s not one that’s popping out. There’s no question where I’m like “Oh God, if I ever hear that again, I’ll jump off a building.” I’m chill.

I mention it because prior to releasing your last record you put out a pre-recorded “press conference”, seemingly to pre-empt every inane question the media would throw at you.

It’s so funny. It didn’t really occur like that. Originally that was supposed to be a legit green screen conference. Like, “I’ll just answer these questions ‘cos when they need to have me on ‘The Morning Show’ in Belarus they can have this and put their own graphics behind it”. But then when my friend Carrie Brownstein [collaborator and Sleater-Kinney vocalist-guitarist] and I started writing it and it became very snarky. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that “Oh, that might be off-putting or intimidating to journalists” I just thought "This is silly”. So anyway… I understand.

We're curious about your dad and the American legal system.

I have had a lot of questions about that. For some reason it didn’t occur to me how much I would be answering questions about… my hilarious father!

How do you view his time in prison?

Just that life is long and people are complicated. And that, luckily, there’s a chance for redemption or reconciliation, even after a really crazy traumatic time. And also anybody that has any experience with the American justice system will know this... nobody comes out unscathed.

You recently presented an online MasterClass: "St. Vincent Teaches Creativity & Songwriting". One of the takeaways: “All you need are ears and ideas, and you can make anything happen”. Who’s had the best ideas in music?

Well, you’ve got to give credit to people who were genuinely creating a new style – like if you think of Charlie Parker, arguably he created a new style. This hard bop that was just absolutely impossible to play. It was, like, “Check me out – try to copy me!” So, that’s interesting. I think Brian Eno, for sure, has some great ideas about music – and obviously has made some of the best music. Joni Mitchell – completely singular. I mean: think about that. There are some people who are actually inimitable – like, you couldn’t possibly even try to imitate them.

It’s a brave soul who covers a Joni Mitchell song. Although, apologies if you actually have.

No, I have not. And there’s a reason why not. Come on – Bowie. Bowie never repeated himself. David Byrne also didn’t repeat himself. He took all of his influences of classic songs and the disco that was happening at the time, and the potpourri of downtown New York music from the mid- to late Seventies… and synthesised it into this completely new, other thing. I mean, that’s impressive. Those are the ones we remember.

How hard is it not to repeat yourself?

It’s whether people have the Narcissus thing or not. Like, it’s always got to be a balance where you’re, like, “Well, I need to believe in myself to make something and be liberated. But I can’t look at that pond of my previous work and go ‘Oh you! You’re gorgeous!’” So I don’t go back and listen to things I’ve done. I finished Daddy’s Home in the fall and it was, like, “This is done” and it felt great. I loved the record and it was so fun to make. But what I did immediately afterwards was to write something completely different. But then I don’t know, ‘cos there are people who do the thing that they do just great. And you just want to hear more songs, in the style of the thing that they do great.

Right. No one wants an experimental Ramones album.

Exactly. Or, like, or a Tom Petty record. I don’t want a tone poem from Tom Petty! I want a perfectly constructed, perfectly written completely singalongable three-chord song.

The new album has a very “live” Seventies feel. I’d read that some of the tracks are first takes. Can that be right? It all sounds very complicated.

That’s not right. I should say [rock voice] "Yeah, that’s right, we just jammed…" But, you know, I’ll be honest. There are some vocal takes in there that are first takes. But it really is just the sound of people playing. We get good drum takes. And good bass takes. And I play a bunch of guitar and sitar-guitar. And it’s the sound of a moment in time, certainly. And way more about looseness and groove and feel and vibe than anything else [I’ve done before].

Amazing live albums, virtuoso playing, jamming – those were staples of Seventies music. Have we lost some of that?

I mean, I can wax poetic on that idea for a minute. In the Seventies you had this tremendous sophistication in popular music. Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan and funk and soul and jazz and rock…. and all of the things rolled into one. That was tremendously sophisticated. It just was. There was harmony, there were chord progressions.

What else from that decade appealed to you for Daddy’s Home?

It reminds me of where we are now, I think. So, 1971-1976 in downtown New York, you’ve got the Summer of Love thing and flower children and all the hippy stuff and it’s, like, “Oh yeah, that didn’t work out that well. We’re still in Vietnam. There’s a crazy economic crisis, all kinds of social unrest”. People stood in the proverbial burned-out building. And it reminds me a lot of where we are today, in terms of social unrest, economic uncertainty. A groundswell wanting change... but where that’s headed is yet to be seen. We haven’t fully figured that out. We’re all picking up pieces of the rubble and going “Okay, what do we do with this one? Where do we go with that one?” Being a student of history, that was one of the reasons why I was drawn to that period in history.

Also: that’s the music I’ve listened to more than anything in my entire life. I mean, I was probably the youngest Steely Dan fan. It didn’t make me that popular at sleepovers. People were, like, “I want to listen to C+C Music Factory” and I was, like, “Yeah, but have you heard this solo on [Steely Dan’s] ‘Kid Charlemagne’”? That music is so in me. It’s so in my ears and I feel like I never really went there [making music before]. And I didn’t want to be a tourist about it. It’s just that particular style had a whole lot to teach me. So I wanted to just dig in and find out. Just play with it.

Is there a style of music you don’t like?

That I don’t like?

You're a jazz fan...

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

That does sound quite precocious for a 14-year-old.

It’s annoying. Just insufferable. [Thinking aloud] What music don’t I like….? Here’s what can happen. And I feel like it’s similar to when an actor has some lines in a script and they’re not very good – not very well-written – so they overcompensate by making it very dramatic and really overplaying it. I would say that is a style of music that I don’t really like. Where somebody has to really oversell it and it all feels… athletic. Instead of musical or touching.

Did you put your lockdown time to constructive use?

If you need any mediocre home renovations done, I’m your girl. It was fun. I did – let’s see now – plumbing, electrical, painting. Luckily there’s YouTube, so you can more or less figure it all out. I did a lot of that stuff and I have to say it was such a nice contrast to working on music all day. Because when you’re working on music you have to create the construct of everything. You’re, like, “I need to make this song. But what is this song?” Everything is this kind of elusive castle in the sky thing. But then, if you go and sand a deck, you’ve done something. It feels really good. And it’s not, like, “What is a deck? And who am I?” You’re just, like, “This is a task and I get to do it and I can see how the mechanism works I understand it it’s not esoteric – it’s simply mechanical". I can do something mechanical. I loved it.

Which bit of DIY are you most pleased with?

Painting the kitchen cabinets. That’s a real job. We’re talking sanding. We’re talking taking things off hinges. We’re talking multiple coats. The whole lacquer-y thing at the end. That. I’m, like, “That looks pretty pro”.

What colour did you go for?

Oh, you know, it’s just a sort of… teal. But classy teal.

Of course.

Yeah. The wallpapering wasn’t as successful. But, you know, that’s fine. So that was really fun. And then I also went down a history rabbit hole. I realised I had some gaps in my knowledge about the Russian Revolution and life under the Iron Curtain and the gulags and Stalin and Lenin. So, I went down that hole. And then I was like “Oh I forgot – I haven’t read any Dostoevsky”. So I have been working on his short stories – which are great. And then Solzhenitsyn I really liked – I mean liked is a strange word to use for The Gulag Archipelago. I read Cancer Ward… All of them. I recommend all of it. And then, before that, it was a big Stasi kick. I can’t remember the last time I had time to brush up on the Russian Revolution.

There’s a lyric on “The Laughing Man”, “If life’s a joke… then I’m dying laughing”. It’s also on your new merchandise. What do you think happens when we die?

Nothing.

This is it?

Yeah. I mean, I understand that it would be comforting to think otherwise. That there might be a special place. It would be nice! The thought’s never really been able to stick for me. I would say that we are made of carbon and then we get subsumed back into the Earth and then eventually we become life again – in the carbon part of our makeup.

Well, that sounds better than an endless void.

I don’t think it would be an endless void.

In what ways are you like your mum and dad?

Let’s see. Well, my mother is a precious angel who has unwavering optimism. She is incredibly intelligent and also very nonjudgmental and able and happy to explore all kinds of possibilities. Saying that, though… it’s sounding not like me at all. I’m like my father in that I think we have very similar tastes in books, films, music and a very similar sense of humour. My mother’s so kind that it’s hard for me to… Her level of kindness and decency is aspirational to me.

How famous are you, on a scale of one to 10?

God, I mean, like, “TikTok Famous” probably a one, right? I’m gonna say – I don’t know about the number system – but I’m going to say I-occasionally-get-a-free-appetiser-sent-over famous. Which is a great place to be.

What do you look for in a date?

It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. You know, I once read something, it might have been something cheesy on a card, but [it was]: if you don’t like someone, then the way they hold their fork will bother you. But, if you like someone – or love someone – they could spill an entire plate of spaghetti on your lap and you wouldn’t mind.

You play a zillion instruments. What’s the hardest instrument to play?

Well, I can’t play horns or anything like that. The French horn is supposed to be really hard. I don’t like to blag… but I’m an incredible whistler. Like, I can whistle Bach.

Is Bach a particularly tough whistle?

I think… yeah. It’s fast. And noodly.

What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we're out of lockdown?

I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure and a massage. Massage from a stranger. Any stranger.

What about a night on the tiles?

I will probably attend a dinner party.

That sounds quite restrained.

It sounds hella boring. Sorry.

Clubbing?

No, I don’t really go to clubs. I think in order to go to clubs you have to be a person who likes to publicly dance. And I don’t publicly dance. I mean I would feel too shy to dance at a wedding. But for some reason I will dance on stage in front of 10,000 people.

That’s why alcohol was invented.

Exactly! But I swear I would reach the point of alcohol sickness before I would be drunk enough to dance.

The effects of drugs on creativity: discuss.

Unreliable. Really unreliable. Sometimes after a day’s work in the studio you’re like, "I’m gonna have shot of tequila and then sing this a few more times, and then play". It’s okay but you peak sort-of quickly. You can’t sustain the level without getting tired. And then I would say that weed just makes me paranoid and useless. Every once in a while some combo of psychedelics can get you someplace. But, for the most part, you either come back to [the work] the next day and you’re, like, “This is garbage” or you get sleepy or hungry or distracted and you’re not really doing anything. I’ve never had opiates. Or coke or whatever. So I don’t know. I can’t speak to that. But with the slightly more G-Rated [American movie classification: All Ages Permitted] thing, it doesn’t really help.

What do you have too many of in your wardrobe?

I’m not a hoarder. I tend to have one thing that I get really obsessed with and then I wear it every day. Some people, having a whole lot of things gives them a sense of safety and security. It gives me anxiety. I can’t think if there’s too much visual noise. If there was a uniform that I could wear every day I would absolutely do that. And at certain times I have.

Like Steve Jobs?

Or, oh God, what’s her name? The Theranos lady… Elizabeth Holmes!

The blood-test-scam lady?

Well, I guess it was unclear how much of it was self-delusion and how much of it was, you know, actual fraud.

Another black turtleneck fan.

And – again, this is unconfirmed – she also adopted a very low voice like this in order to be taken seriously as a CEO.

Like Margaret Thatcher.

Did she have a low voice?

She made hers “less shrill”.

Oh yes. Yes!

What movie makes you cry?

The Lives of Others

That’s a good one.

Right. I rewatched that during my Stasi kick.

I’ll be honest, your lockdown sounds even less fun than everyone else’s.

I mean… Look, I had to educate myself. I went to a music college [Berklee College of Music] where I tried to take the philosophy class and the way that they would talk about it… it was taught by this professor who was from one of the neighbouring colleges in Boston. And it was very clear that he really disliked having to talk Kierkegaard to a bunch of music school kids. He was just so bummed by it. I’m trying to learn, “What’s the deal with Kant?” and he felt he had to explain everything only in musical terms [because he assumed it would be the only thing music students could relate to]. Like, “Well, you know, it’s like when Bob Marley…" I’m, like, “No, no, no! I don’t want that!” So I had to educate myself. This is where its led me.

Where should we ideally listen to Daddy’s Home?

Put it on a turntable. Pour yourself a glass of tequila or bourbon – whatever your favourite hooch is – and smoke a joint and listen to it. I think that’s the vibe.

Daddy’s Home is released on May 14

[fanfictiondreamscape]

Teasing the Ouran Host Club

Request: Hi! Can I request ohshc x host reader? And just something fun and reader teasing them or something along those lines? 

Title: Teasing the Ouran Host Club 

Genre: fluff, comedy (i mean...it’s the host club. what is to be expected when they’re being lighthearted.) 

Pairing: Ouran Host Club x GN!Reader (platonic) 

Notes: Okay, so this request sent me someplace because this sounds hilarious and the antics that a host could get up to with these guys - oh my. 

That being said, I defaulted the reader here to be gender neutral, mostly because Haruhi is a host, and I want to be able to keep anybody reading in the general fantasy of the whole experience. 

I also took some liberties with the format, so I hope that you don’t mind these being headcanons. I find them the easiest to write, but they also leave room for the most comedic moments on both parts (the hosts and the reader). 

I left some things vague for the sake of reader ‘control’ if you understand. I hope you don’t mind it and enjoy the piece nonetheless. 

Below the cut! 

let me cover something first: you being an addition to the host club is a blessing to this group of students. 

whether or not you are an official part of the host club, the group can and will find a way to tease you (excluding tamaki - in the beginnning) 

tamaki may also jump in to provide an attempt at comfort, but- 

who are we kidding? he’d be quick to embarrass himself and hide away in his emo corner. 

otherwise, when you do become an official host - HOO BOY.

the twins will target you. 

the catch is that you have observed all of their tricks from the halls and classrooms.

you were able to pick up on a fair amount of things that they would pull. 

so this led to you recruiting some backup to get them back.

if their prank was set for you, it would backfire (at least the first time).

if you set a prank for them, it’d get them (the first few times - guaranteed)

seriously. catch them doing something stupid and obnoxious (read: P R A N K) and boom

there’s your chance. 

when they’re plotting, you’ve already had a plan and they just fell into your trap.

this would be rare though, as you’d be avoiding each other’s pranks after the first couple run-ins.

once the pranks become common, you’d be jumping to prepare yourself with a water gun and ice cold water at the beach and a fresh pack of gum and a gag toy to leave them in the middle of class. 

otherwise, while tamaki is trying to claim dominance in the club endeavor(s), kyoya is watching you and the twins go at it.

eventually, your attention will be drawn from them (whether from your own clients or theirs) and most likely to honey-senpai or kyoya himself.

the difference between the two is that you tease honey about his cake choices and kyoya about the way he handles himself

(cheesy as it is, ‘icicle’ and ‘mr.-ever-bored-parent’ are your favorites and some of the other host club members have picked up on it). 

otherwise, when things get completely settled and you get into a routine, kyoya will take up teasing you relentlessly.

yep, he might even ignore the twins antics just to make sure that you are a vulnerable-ish target

and then he’ll attack.

it may be a simple verbal attack (”that’s very rich, coming from someone that cannot find a way to keep their mouth shut and their hands out of trouble.” “oh, shut it icicle.”)

or it may be something in which he would put a figurative cherry on top of the twins last prank

(read: he would actually put something on top of your head to finish it off. it gets the whole club into tears, aside from tamaki - he busy trying to contain any of the customers if they’re in the room.) 

otherwise, intellect teasing comes with the job. 

it’s a lot of cheesy chemistry-based pick up lines that kyoya will either follow along with or try not to walk out of the room.

either way, the banter is enough to keep the both of you content.

when it comes to tamaki, though...

yeah, he refuses to outright tease you.

and you know this, so you take advantage of it.

one day, you may actually tag team with the twins and go at him relentlessly.

“hey, tamaki, has that girl with the host-hopping disease come by lately?”

tamaki: emo corner mode

“hey, tamaki-”

“no, (y/n). not today, please. i don’t want to talk about her.”

“i wasn’t. i was gonna ask how the chase for haruhi was doing, you dolt.”

tamaki: emo corner.

haruhi: wtf, (y/n)

(if he does really get bothered by it (like, seriously bothered and upset), just remind him that this is all in good fun.)

otherwise, haruhi is a different story.

she is 100% willing to throw a monotonous comment at you if you were to ever shoot one at her.

want to tease her about her debt? great, she’ll shoot one at you about the uniform you destroyed in an attempt to get back at the twins.

tease her about her reactions? she’ll throw one right back at you about how your childishness “reeks and can be smelled from miles away.”

yeah, pretty fun when you have someone that isn’t afraid to pull something out of her big brain and throw out what she can take.

it’s mutual and it’s easily one of the most entertaining parts of your day.

from time to time, too, you share some teasing with mori.

yeah, he doesn’t speak much, but when it does get him to say something

yeah, you get ecstatic. you, simple (y/n) (l/n), got the takashi morinozuka to say something. 

most of the time, it’ll be when you are trying to test your limits and throw out a few cheesy math pick-up lines at him in an attempt to gather a reaction.

“i heard you like math, so what’s the sum of u + me?”

“are you a 30 degree angle? because you are acute-y.”

“are you a square number, because my love for you is exponential.”

(credits go to jokes4us, you may continue.)

that last one got a small smile out of him and your ego just got boosted by ten.

yeah, stuff like that got you excited. honey-senpai enjoyed the show, as well.

on that note, you rarely teased honey-senpai to the extent of the others.

he was too sweet, you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything more than tease him about his cake of the day. 

even then, it was very light.

typically something along the lines of, “honey-senpai, that’s the cake for today? i thought you didn’t like that flavor.”

“but, (y/n)-chan, they liked the cake! i hadn’t tried it before.”

“wow, really? pardon me saying this, but that’s new.”

yeah, the teasing and the complete demeanor between the two of you attracted more customers for the both of you, and you two would often work together when you had customers. 

but, overall, teasing within the club is great on all fronts. 

tamaki may falter a little bit, but he is very much for it otherwise. yeah, he won’t say anything, but the experience is great.

the other hosts enjoy your company as well, and from time to time, kyoya and tamaki will jump at the chance to praise you on your ability to attract customers (though the reasons will be different.) 

so yeah, 10/10, definitely worth the relentless hours of annoyance they can cause. your ability to tease them keeps them in check when they need to be (in the case of the members that need that to be established).

[stillness-in-green]

The MLA(/PLF) Headcanon Post (1/2)

In response to this nice ask about whether I have any headcanon or thoughts about the current members of the MLA/PLF, I spent two weeks blithering 16.5K words of exactly that into a Word file, because when it comes to underappreciated characters I love, I do not understand restraint.  This post and its follow-up will cover all ranked ex-MLA members of the PLF, as well as Original Flavor Destro and Curious, since I wasn't going to leave them out of a project like this even if they aren't "current."

The ask only mentioned having previously read The Lore Post, the last exercise in ridiculousness that I wrote at the tail end of MLA Week, so I wrote this to summarize everything that doesn't appear there—which is to say that a lot of the material in these two posts will look familiar to anyone who's read my fanfic about the MLA cast.  There’s still plenty of new material to go around too, though!

So, I don't have much in the vein of askblog-style headcanons where I can randomly tell you stray trivia about a character’s favorite foods or their love languages or what have you; that stuff either comes up when I'm writing fanfic or it doesn't.  That said, below, please find a mix of thoughts I keep in mind when writing characters, facts that have only turned up in my fanfic/notes so far and not the Lore Post meta, and a selection of lightning round headcanon provided by cross-referencing a random number generator with some old questionnaires I keep around for OCs and tabletop characters.

In this post: Destro, Re-Destro and his advisors, and Geten.

Destro— 

General Thoughts The whole "revolutionary leader" thing came very naturally to him. He was committed, charismatic, very willing to risk his life and safety for the cause, and he cared about his people. All that said, he absolutely had a pompous, prideful streak, especially where it came to his justification for terrorism.  You only have to read his own words to see that.  Still, he was in large part reacting to the world he lived in, one of greater violence and danger than the current day. 

I like to think that—because he was genuine in wanting freedom for all—he would not approve of what became of his Army.  He'd be able to see how they got there, and he would probably have made much the same choices if he'd been there with them, but while he would have agreed that his role should be remembered—that's just Due Credit—he would never have wanted to become the nigh-on religious figure his followers turned him into. Continuing to fight the good fight for his ideals is one thing, but secret salutes and isolated villages and being raised from infancy to know your life has only as much worth as it can contribute to Liberation…  Well, it's just not what he would have wanted for his people, much less his descendants. 

Family Situation Chikara was only around 7 when his mother was killed, the event that would shape the rest of his life.  He wasn't hiding in the closet from the mob, either; he was kicking and punching and biting, his motivation to save her overflowing—but he was still only 7, and eventually overwhelmed.  His own life might well have ended there with hers, but for a group of neighborhood vigilante types (at least one of whom probably went on to a career as a hero, after legalization).

He went most of his adolescence without getting involved with anything more sinister than student newspapers, founding a secret meta-rights "club," and attending the odd larger protest, but when the government started talking about passing laws restricting the use of meta-abilities, he started getting very radical very quickly, and when some absolute snake started to use his martyred mother's words to bang the drum for banning quirk use outside the home outright, he went off the deep end.

Lightning Round (Randomly Selected Headcanons)

Favorite book genre?  Memoirs and biographies—he wouldn't have written his own if he didn't appreciate their value.  The intimacy of the personal juxtaposed against the broad scope of history appeals to both his regard for individuality and his revolutionary mindset.

Most prized possession?  Thoughts on material possessions in general?   He doesn’t generally prize material possessions—in fact, he’s something of a skinflint.  His most prized possession is an old pair of gloves that belonged to his mother, which he'd been wearing at the time of her murder.  He didn't come from money to begin with, but his mother’s story made enough of a splash that his financial situation was improved by well-meaning sorts sending along donations and contributions and the like, as well as government officials knowing they needed to be sure that he wound up somewhere at least semi-reasonable lest they court further outrage by mishandling the son of a martyred woman.  The money all went towards school and living expenses, though, leaving him quite experienced at balancing a budget, which would come in handy for that whole ‘leading a violent uprising against the state’ thing later on.

Academic Background: Got all the way through college!  Was involved in student groups as far back as middle school, and only got moreso the further in school he got.  Majored in Human Development; he was intending to go into the public health and policy sphere before the appropriation of his mother's language pissed him off so much he got into terrorism instead.

THE MODERN MLA

Re-Destro—

General Thoughts A huge amount of the way I write him is influenced by one single thing—his characterization as described in the second data book.  His personality is summed up there as "sokoshirenai yami"—bottomless darkness, or, as a friend translated it for me, "unfathomable gloominess."  That really, really stuck with me, because on the one hand, it's so opposed to virtually all of what we see of him on the page, where he's being cheerful or scornful or sycophantic; the closest he ever gets are his brief tears for Miyashita, Curious, and his other followers.

On the other hand, it makes so much sense that the man we see—the man who talks about the heavy burdens of his legacy, who was handed that legacy when he couldn't possibly have been any older than 6 or so, who willingly straps on a self-designed torture device to wring out more power, who all but worships the ground Shigaraki walks on even though Shigaraki is the reason Re-Destro no longer has legs to walk that same ground with—should be "unfathomably gloomy."  Of course he's gloomy!  He was never allowed to be his own person!  He has never in his life known true freedom, only existed as a vessel to bring that freedom to others!  And he can't really even talk to his closest friends about it, because his closest friends are still his followers, and he wouldn't want to weigh them down!

With that context, it makes all the sense in the world that he'd be so devoted to the man who relieved him of that burden.

Family Situation He loved his mother Yukie a great deal, despite knowing from early on that he was carrying the weight of the title because she believed she couldn’t.  (Perhaps growing up hearing about the martyrdom of Destro’s mother left him wanting to ensure the happiness of his own, for her happiness was very rare.)  He was 10 when she was killed in a Villain attack; she’d been on a daytrip over to a neighboring city to visit some of her erstwhile school friends.  The requisite mourning period was 49 days, and as the only surviving family member, quite a lot fell to him even before considerations of his role as Re-Destro.  it was perceived as better—for both the Army’s morale and for his own stability—for him to be involved with as much of the work of transition as possible, but obviously he couldn’t do it completely alone, nor should he.  Thus, for two months after Yukie’s death, the previous generation's Sanctum[i] stayed with him in his family home. Afterward, he moved in with Anchor (one of his grandfather's advisors), where he would spend the rest of his young adulthood until moving away for college.

Claustrophobia The name of that literal-iron-maiden deathtrap he brings to bear against Shigaraki is no coincidence: Rikiya developed claustrophobia over the course of a stint of abusive training when he was thirteen. He generally has a pretty good handle on disguising it, thanks to a combination of people being unwilling to ask him questions they don’t actually want the answers to and the fact that he had to learn how to operate through it in order to complete the training at all. He has never told anyone, largely because he’s never been able to recognize that it was abuse, and so his abuser remains a figure of some influence.

Education He was largely taught by private tutors, in his home and in theirs, rather than attending school, but I think he probably wasn't completely home-schooled.  Particularly once he'd decided that he did want to attend university—and not just some little local technical program, but a major school in a proper city—he probably attended classes a few times a week at his local high school just to get a feel for being around other people his own age. He'd been friends with Koku for several years by that point, otherwise he probably would have been pretty hopeless, but he was still a pretty odd duck by the time he got to university.

This, incidentally, is why he never pushed Geten too hard about school—his own experience of it was so weird and piecemeal that he mostly thinks of school as relevant only for the education it provides, and less so the crash course in social dynamics.  Since Geten doesn't care about getting an education (nor, indeed, about learning how not to be a rude little troll), and has a strong enough quirk that he'll never lack for a position in the Army even without a formal education, Rikiya is perfectly happy to let Geten have his way and just be minimally learnèd.

Stress His powers operate by infusing his body with the characteristic black matter of his manifested stress; he can increase his size with this (his so-called Liberated Form isn't just armored up; he becomes physically taller and bulkier), as well as throw handfuls of the materialized power.  A side effect of this is that his stress can also infuse itself into his bodily fluids. The stress matter is a highly dense particulate, so if Rikiya is not in proper control of himself, his proverbial blood, sweat and tears can be literally heavy with the weight of his power.

The Value of Life He cares very much about the lives of his followers, but those genuine feelings are filtered through both the mental compartmentalization required by an emotion-based quirk, and an upbringing that taught him to care about his underlings in the same way one would rare goods.  Valuable goods, certainly, goods worth being proud of, goods to be maintained with care, but still, ultimately, things that can be sold or traded or bartered off as necessary to further one's goals.  Even his own life, while "objectively" the most valuable of them all, isn't an exception to that policy—the Great Cause is more important than any individual life, up to and including his own.

On a Personal Note He’s something of an obvious weirdo to outsiders—his enthusiasm comes off as strident, his smiles overly polished—but despite that, he's bizarrely hard to dislike once they start spending real time with him.  He's not anywhere near as prideful about himself as he is the legacy of the MLA, for a start; he's actually pretty self-deprecating when he's not performing the whole Heir of Destro's Great Bloodline routine at people.  He's also happy to go along with other people sharing their hobbies (because he doesn't have any of his own).  The more you get to know him, the more obvious it becomes that he's a total basket case, but “total basket case” is still an improvement over “self-absorbed 1%-er CEO” that people like Spinner come in expecting.

What Are Boundaries? He has very little understanding of how to enforce boundaries around his private life, or, indeed, of why such boundaries might ever be necessary.  Oh, he can do the double life thing, keep the CEO of Detnerat separate from the Grand Commander of the Metahuman Liberation Army, but when it comes to the MLA itself, he's so groomed to devote himself to the cause that he doesn't really distinguish between the responsibilities of Re-Destro and the needs of Yotsubashi Rikiya.  Rather than being the egomaniac you might expect of a man with the absolute power over others he has, he instead struggles to assert himself as his own person at all.

Issues with boundaries are not uncommon with the MLA—they're all raised to see themselves as warriors to advance the cause before they are, like, “human beings”—but Rikiya’s are particularly exacerbated because he was raised by adults who were getting pretty paranoid about his bloodline's tendency to die young, and thus were always checking in on how he was doing, dictating his schedule, weighing in on his plans, and so on.  He just wasn’t raised with reasonable expectations for privacy.  Even as an adult, he'll give his apartment door code to pretty much anyone in the MLA who has even a semi-plausible reason to want it—certainly quite a few of the elders know it!  And it isn’t only the elders, either; Rikiya's phone and several of his accessories carry tracking chips courtesy of Skeptic, which Rikiya knows about and doesn't think is at all untoward.

While his experience dating Koku definitely taught him some hard lessons about how much he could allow himself to ask of people who would obey him without question (they broke up over Rikiya’s realization that Koku would never deny him anything, thanks to a cracked rib Koku didn’t see fit to tell Rikiya about until Rikiya hugged him a little too hard), he never learned how to value his own autonomy in turn.  Oh, he's the Grand Commander, and everyone around him has been raised to venerate his bloodline, so most of them would never even think about trying to take advantage of him as such, but it's absolutely the case that people who are bold or familiar enough to try can basically run right over him with minimal efforts made at obscuring the fact.  His life is full of people who do and have done exactly that, some to a net positive effect, and some—well.  See again the entry about his claustrophobia.

The abjectly terrible state of his sense of self-worth is also the reason the Claustro exists.  While he was relatively capable of trying to work around his phobia when he was younger, the older he got, the more it started to feel like leaving doors cracked behind him or only working in offices with big spacious floor plans and oversized windows was, in some way, Letting Down The Cause by allowing his fear to control him, rather than embracing it so he could properly stockpile it for later use.  A dinnertime chat with Curious about turning one’s trauma into a weapon for the good of others catalyzed this, leading to the development of the “burden-enhancing steel pressure mechanism,” Claustro. 

(It also means the clone of him made by Twice to handle Detnerat after Deika is bizarrely okay with its circumstances, which I will almost certainly write more about one of these days, but I’m still kind of reeling from that reveal, so more on that another time.)

Lightning Round

Religion?   He doesn't identify as being of a religious faith, but he was brought up in the same peaceful marriage of Shinto and Buddhism that the majority of Japanese people are, and like many, he adheres to a number of traditional practices more out of habit than devout faith.  There are two celebrations that demand significant emotional investment from him.  First comes the New Year's celebrations, important because the MLA prides itself on looking to a brighter, freer future, and it's a period when he can let himself think that maybe he'll be just that little bit closer to Liberation by the end of the year than he was at the start.  Second is Obon, a summer festival for honoring one's departed ancestors. Since his authority and his life's work derive entirely from his bloodline, he's obligated to care about this one, though in practice, he tends to shy away from thinking much about Destro (who he has very twisted-up feelings about indeed) in favor of less emotionally fraught waters.

What did he dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?   He never really had a significant period where he thought about being e.g. an astronaut or a doctor or a hero; in fact, it came as something of a surprise to him the first time Koku asked him what he was planning to do when he grew up.  He always just had the nebulous expectation of, "Be the Grand Commander," and the elders were happy to leave it at that until he brought it up on his own.[ii]  

How does he behave around children? He likes kids!  He’s wistful about the freedom enjoyed by happy children while also being sympathetic to ones that seem overly burdened.  He’s not the most natural person in the world with them, but most of them can tell that the awkwardness comes from a well-intentioned place, and will treat him as a funny-looking man who’ll let them bother him at length without getting mean.  It turns out he’s actually pretty good with them, then, if only by virtue of being easily bullied.  (This, notably, goes for non-MLA-affiliated children.  Everything’s much more formal within the cult, though it didn’t Geten long to suss out the “easily-bullied” part, either.)

Trumpet—

General Thoughts The largest factor in how I write Koku is, of course, the headcanon that he and Rikiya are ex-lovers, and neither of them is 100% over it even all these years later.  Beyond that, though, Koku is the most temperate of the group, the one with the most easy charisma (MLA members are more swayed by Re-Destro, but Koku does better with outsiders who aren't predisposed to hanging on Rikiya's every word).  He strives to come off as The Sensible One, and given the extremes the rest of the inner circle are capable of, it's not hard for him to maintain that title.  He's as messed up as any of them, though, second only to Rikiya in levels of childhood grooming.  He thinks of himself as a practical man, but he is deeply indoctrinated, the boundaries of his expectations very much defined by his upbringing, so he never really sees it coming when he gets clobbered by something from out of left field.

Family Situation: Koku has the largest family of the identified members.  Aside from his grandfather (called Old Man Hanabata, the founder of the Hearts & Minds Party, and passed away by the canon era), Koku has cousins, nieces, nephews and more, courtesy of his uncle, his older sister and her husband, and other extended family.

He’s also the member most accustomed to wealth, power and influence.  He's from a rural area, certainly, but being in a family of hereditary politicians (and with that family not suffering a string of untimely deaths and disappearances like Rikiya's did), he was raised from the start with ready access to money and nice things.  Still, for all his family's sway in a major branch of the MLA's operations, they're not First Families, and thus don't have any elders in their ranks, making them still somewhat subordinate to said elders when it comes to orders about the Great Cause.  (He’s working on it.)

Meeting Re-Destro Koku and Rikiya met at 12 and 10 respectively, when Koku tagged along with Old Man Hanabata for a meeting RD was likewise accompanying Anchor for.  It had been the better part of a year since Rikiya's mother passed away, but he was still strikingly melancholy for a boy that age, which—along with all the weight given to the importance of the meeting—left quite an impression on Koku.  Koku thus became Rikiya's first real friend in his own age group, a friendship heartily encouraged by everyone around them.  Koku was well-behaved, intelligent, a little older but not too much so, and set to become influential without a danger of becoming too influential; he was seen as a good choice for a friend.[iii]

The Break-Up Painful as it was at the time, there was a silver lining to his and RD's post-college break-up: it got Koku out of the elders' pocket.  He’s been groomed for one thing or another all his life, but after he became friends with Rikiya, he was always getting leaned on to report back to the First Families about how Re-Destro was doing, and to try to influence him towards actions the First Families approved of.  In a very real sense, Koku was part of the apparatus keeping Rikiya from any real freedom.  Their break-up and subsequent estrangement meant that the elders had far less to breathe down Koku's neck about, and by the time they reconciled, Trumpet had gotten his feet under him, as had Re-Destro, and they were both better able to fend off such background meddling.

This doesn't mean Trumpet's not still carrying a torch, however.  He thought he was handling his long-banked feelings pretty well—being Professional, being the advisor Re-Destro needed and as much a friend as Rikiya would allow—right up until Rikiya scared the life out of him by nearly dying in Deika.  He's all but glued himself to Rikiya since, as much as he can get away with given their respective responsibilities.

As an Advisor Other than leading the HMP, he does some work with internal politics and reputation. It's not, strictly speaking, his actual job as advisor—Re-Destro or the elders would probably be sought for more formal or critical mediations—but he and the people who report directly to him do enough travelling around to see constituents that they're often in a position to field those tensions before they get big enough to require attention from higher up.  Koku's happy to do so, in fact—not because he just loves handling petty arguments about resources, but because the HMP is a faction of the MLA in and of itself, and mediating is a boost to that faction's standing and autonomy.  (Also, it's that much less on Rikiya's ever-overburdened plate.)

Lightning Round

What would he do if he needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?Ahahahahaha, “make dinner but the kitchen was busy,” please.  Any time there could feasibly be someone else occupying a kitchen he has any business being in himself, it would be a housekeeper, and s/he would be making food for him/his family.  It’s not as though Trumpet has never cooked—he did live alone for some years after school—but outside of a scant few years in university, there’s never really been a time that kitchen use overlap would have been a problem for him. 

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging. Probably gourmet cuisine, especially imported stuff. He’s had tailored clothes all his life; they’re just part of the job.  Expensive alcohol also doesn’t wow him; it wouldn’t be strange to find some sake maker whose family has been doing it for sixteen generations in the village he grew up in.  It’s a lot harder to cultivate a true gourmand’s palate out in the sticks, though, no matter how rich your family is.  Living in actual civilization affords a great deal more variety—and anyway, nice dinners are one of the few things he can reliably tempt Rikiya into accepting.  As to his feelings about indulging in general, he’s broadly For It.  He works very hard, he seldom gets real time off, and it doesn’t help the Great Cause for him to deny himself nice things, unlike some people.  (He’s maybe a bit bitter.)

Does he like to be the center of attention all of the time? Not especially.  Oh, he’s very good at it, certainly, and he doesn’t dislike it, but being the center of attention is practically always going to be tied up in The Great Work, so he desperately needs to get out of the spotlight from time to time, if only to be able to turn off the persona.

Curious—

General Thoughts There are two main factors in how I write Chitose: her practicality and her rapaciousness.  I write her as having an appreciation for good moral character in other people, especially when it makes a good story, but not considering herself particularly bound by conventional morality: her moral compass is Liberation, and she follows it unswervingly.  I also write her as predatory, lusty about a lot of things, often to the point of overstepping.  It doesn't hurt anyone that she likes hearty foods and strong alcohol, but she also doesn't have much regard for peoples' boundaries, and even less so when she thinks they have something to offer the Great Cause.

While that trait isn't without its benefits, it can get pretty ugly, too, as we see in how she treats, and talks to, Toga.  Even with Rikiya, the only person she thinks of as 'above' her in any meaningful sense, she's not at all above manipulation.  She's respectful of him, but knows him too well to always take him at his word.  He plainly can't always see what's best for him, but what's best for him is best for Liberation, and therefore, as a Liberation warrior, it's her responsibility to sometimes make decisions for him.  He'll appreciate it in the long run—he always does.  (Skeptic and Geten have similar views—Rikiya makes it easy.)

Family Situation She probably has the best actual relationship with her family of the group—her mothers are removed enough from the heart of MLA politics that her relationship with Rikiya doesn't color her family life the way Koku's does his, and she's much more sociable than Skeptic or Geten.  She doesn't get home much—just the major holidays, work permitting—but she's in frequent enough communication for a grown woman, and chats with her younger sister more often than that.

Meeting Re-Destro She met Rikiya properly when they were 21 and 27 respectively.  They were living in the same city at the time (him running Detnerat, her in university), so of course she'd seen him at the odd MLA event he turned up at, but when she landed an internship in her junior year, she cheekily turned up one day in her reporter capacity to interview him as “a local rising star of industry.”  It was the first chance they'd had to talk one-on-one, and would not be the last, as she frankly elbowed her way into his life and gradually sussed out that here was a man with Problems.  He and Koku were still in a distant patch at the time; she is largely responsible for getting them back on friendly terms as a way of showing her Pure Intentions.

The fact that her Pure Intentions both land her a square position as one of RD's advisors herself and get Rikiya to a better place emotionally is calculated, but not, therefore, untrue.  Ironically, while she was concerned about looking like a gold-digger, the MLA elders were probably thrilled and relieved to hear rumors that Rikiya was getting romantically involved again.  And with a lovely young MLA woman!  They wouldn't even need to worry about surrogacy arrangements!  (Not having grown up around the Yotsubashis, Chitose is unaware of exactly how pointed an interest the elders take in the matter of securing that bloodline.)

Feelings Today She loves Rikiya dearly, and prizes his regard more highly than anything in her life, but has not devoted much thought to the idea of being in love with him. She's married to her work, as they say, but she's also keenly aware that Rikiya would, for a great many reasons, be a lot of work to be in love with.  She's decided it's generally better for his mental well-being, and therefore also better for the Great Cause (she’s much more capable of reading that relationship reciprocally than Rikiya is), to make sure he's eating at least one good meal a week and getting some proper socialization in outside of MLA meet-and-greets.

As an Advisor She handles external politics and reputation--it's her job to prime Japan culturally for the Liberation agenda in ways more wide-reaching than Trumpet (he's head of a political party, and that's not nothing, but that party is still a small minority on the floor of the Diet).  She pulls attention to stories that benefit the MLA, and diverts attention from stories that don't.  This is far broader than just publishing Destro's memoir; it also means poking holes in the broader Hero Society narrative.  She does this by providing as broad a platform possible for stories about the tragedies of excessive regulation, the evils of quirk-related bias, the abuses of power heroes are capable of, and so on.

Lightning Round

Does she remember names or faces easier? She’s quite good with both, actually, but I’d give names the advantage because she works primarily with written rather than visual mediums.  (Also, BNHA names being the ridiculous puns that they are, you can probably tell more about a person in HeroAca Land by analyzing their name than their face anyway.) 

Is she more concerned with defending her honor, or protecting her status? Her status, absolutely.  Impugning her honor hurts no one but her; she can laugh that off because honor is a silly social construct anyway.  Threatening her status is a much more dangerous prospect—her status is long-cultivated to enable the advancement of Liberation ideology; it lets her keep an eye on Re-Destro, who needs as many people looking out for him as he can get; it’s what she’s worked for all her life. Curious will fuck you up if you threaten her status.

In what situation was she the most afraid she’d ever been? The time she got in trouble for nearly exploding some dude’s face off for stealing her purse.  She was 17, had spent very little time in non-Liberated territory before, and was not raised to wait on heroes to solve her problems.  She wasn’t afraid of the thief or the hero, really, but she was completely terrified that she might have just blown over half a century of secrecy by not performing Helpless Civilian well enough. The terror was pretty convincing to the police interviewing her about it, anyway.  On the whole, it was a very valuable learning experience!  

Skeptic—

General Thoughts Tomoyasu is a character I haven't written extensively yet, but what I think is most interesting about him so far is the contrast of his hyper-modern methods with the bone-deep zealotry for the cause.  See, Rikiya, Koku and Chitose all grew up in the sticks; Rikiya and Koku had money from a young age, but it was old money, tied up in trusts.  (Geten didn't have any of those, but Geten's a different story for other reasons.)  Tomoyasu grew up in a major city from the start; he was a technological prodigy from practically as soon as he could hold a tablet.  He has very little respect for the old ways of doing things when he knows there are newer, better ways of advancing the Cause. However, none of that makes him more likely to break from the MLA's ranks—if anything, his idiosyncratic approach just causes him to approach Liberation in really weird ways, ways no one else would ever come up with.

Pressganging Bubaigawara Jin based on a plan to clone Re-Destro?  Who else would that ever even occur to, much less such that it became the basis for an elaborate psychological assault?  But that's Skeptic in a nutshell—respect the old for what it did at the time, but don't think that means you have to use the same methods they did forever as you pick up the torch to carry it forward.

Family Situation He has an amicable but not intimate relationship with his family.  His parents are very proud of what he's done for the cause and how he won the confidence of Re-Destro, but they don't make much claim to understand how his mind works.  In turn, he recognizes the value of their support over the years—he certainly made a lot of waves with his unabashed venom for the MLA leadership's hidebound traditionalism, and his parents' staunch backing meant a lot for him being able to take the stands he did—but is not very emotionally close with them.  Might find himself with an older brother, if I ever occasion to write about his family situation in more depth.

Education He graduated a four-year university program for getting his computer science degree in two very intense years, during which he did virtually nothing for the Great Cause, his intention being to better position himself for maximum ability to advance Liberation afterward.  See above re: battles his parents fought for him while he was busy modernizing.

Meeting Re-Destro He met Re-Destro via Curious.  He was 22, just a year out of university and already climbing the chain of command at a young telecommunications company.  Rikiya was 33, working on the Claustro, and needed proprietary comms built to a higher standard of security than Detnerat was focused on.  Curious, who was always better positioned to be keeping up with the local personalities, introduced them.

Tomoyasu attempted to keep a civil tongue in his head the first few times he and RD met, but he'd been running on bile and energy drinks for years by that point and was hard-pressed to stop just because he was meeting his Grand Commander.  If anything, finding out that Rikiya was okay with his direction and his mouth eventually helped him chill the fuck out, marginally.

On that note, Skeptic is absolutely the advisor most willing to backtalk Rikiya right to his face.  (Rikiya loves him for it.)  Oh, he'll still accede to Rikiya's wishes, and Re-Destro's orders are his highest priority, but that doesn't mean he feels obligated to be diffident about it.  Like Curious, he has a highly developed sense of, "It's fine if it's for the greater good," which will and has led to him taking things into his own hands when he thinks he knows best (which is always).  He's not going to explicitly disobey orders, but he will creatively interpret them if he feels strongly about them, and he will try to "anticipate" orders before anyone has time to give him specific ones, the better to tailor his efforts towards proving his methods and goals correct rather than being stuck with orders he hates.

On Names I’ve definitely evolved some in my approach on this since I started writing the MLA cast, but at current, Skeptic and Geten are the only ones I consistently write as using and thinking mainly in terms of code names rather than given names.  Trumpet is too familiar with the public/private divide, and has too much intimate history with Rikya-the-person, to default to Re-Destro; Curious is too trained to look for The Human Heart of the Story.  Re-Destro himself, ever since breaking up with Koku, has always tried to use code names for people (himself excluded, because he has enormous self-confidence issues about measuring himself up to the original Destro), but can slip into given names when he’s vulnerable.  To Skeptic and Geten, though, the code name is the real name, for all intents and purposes.  The cover identity is a fake; the whole point of the code name is that you’re proving yourself worthy of taking up your proper place in the Army.  Of course the name you win for yourself is the name that counts.

Lightning Round

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? You’d pretty much have to lock him in a room with nothing but paper and pencil in it for that to be his first resort rather than whatever item of personal electronics he’d otherwise have on his person.  But assuming some actual plausible scenario—couldn’t bring his electronics into a government building, let’s say—he would find trying to do something productive on paper and pencil rather beneath him, and he’s an inveterate fidgeter.  I mostly see him folding that ludicrously tall frame of his into a chair and setting to using the pencil to poke about three hundred holes in the sheet of paper, meticulous and orderly, while muttering complaints to himself the whole time until something annoys him a bit too much and he jabs the whole pencil through the page. 

Who does he see as his best friend?  His worst enemy? I headcanon him having a very reasonable, functional, productive relationship with his No. 1 advisor, Red, and being reasonable, functional, and productive probably goes a lot farther on making you Skeptic’s “friend” than any amount of emotional intimacy.  But “best friend” is not really the kind of language Skeptic uses for his relationships; if you were to ask him who his best friend is, he’d probably tell you, “Iced coffee.”  As to his worst enemy, that’s just whoever is annoying him most on any given day, from difficult clients, to people annoying Re-Destro, stodgy elders, that hero grinning like a tool, that couple walking too slow in front of him on the sidewalk, etc. And Skeptic is pretty proactive about dealing with enemies, as much as he can be.

Has he ever been bitten by an animal? How was he affected (or unaffected)? lol he is a city boy and always has been.  He probably tried to pet a stray cat once out of curiosity, and because it seemed like the sort of thing people did, and then has never forgiven Animals In General when it bit him and then ran off. 

Geten—

General Thoughts Another one I haven’t written a great deal about yet, particularly in the present day, though I’m looking for that to change soonish.  One thing I’d like to explore is Geten when he’s not seething with rage and shame because he failed to bring Re-Destro a victory in Deika. The fandom tends to write Geten as an always-angry attack dog barely contained beneath a chilly veneer, and that’s fair—ever since we got the face reveal, ever since the MLA’s defeat at Shigaraki’s hands, Geten has been an always-angry attack dog barely contained beneath a chilly veneer.

But if you look at Geten from before we knew what was under the hood, you find a different story.  “Chilly and angry all the time” is not at all how he acted when he was fighting Dabi!  At that point, he was talkative, even chatty.  He engaged in a lot of snide smack-talk; he was obviously confident in himself and he spoke very proudly of the MLA as a collective.

He was still quiet at the dinner he attended with Rikiya and his advisors, yes, so I don’t think Geten’s done some kind of full 180 on characterization.  I do, however, think that Geten has a sense of humor in there, has a sense of camaraderie with the MLA rooted in more than just his relationship with Re-Destro, even if Re-Destro is obviously his most important person.  I don’t know if we’ll ever see that in the manga proper, given everything that’s happened, but it’s worth remembering in terms of what Geten is like when he’s solely among allies.

Family Situation Orphaned at a young age, and a problem child from then on.  He passed through a series of foster parents and state facilities before eventually crossing paths with the leader of the local MLA branch in Kesseru, Beacon (more on him next time).  This encounter would lead to him being sent to a group home with a reputation for being good with such difficult cases, giving them Structure and Companionship and Meaningful Work.  (Spoilers: It’s Liberation.)

Despite evening out considerably after a significant meeting with Re-Destro when he was 7[iv], Geten never got particularly close to his adopted family/the other kids at the group home.  He's very favored by the Grand Commander, for one thing, and he has the strongest quirk in the home for another—and since he learned the quirk supremacist stuff from them, that’s a pretty significant part of the dynamic!  Both of these factors mean there's some distance between him and the rest. Still, he's not on bad terms with them—indeed, his foster parents are quite proud of him—and he would probably tear out someone's throat with his teeth for threatening them, if only as a matter of pride.  

There are 4-6 other kids there at any given time; for the bulk of his young adulthood, there were two older than him, the others younger.  He doesn't have much time for Big Brother Pastimes, but is not completely immune to them, either, particularly where the youngest kids are concerned.  His tolerance for Little Brother Antics, however, is nonexistent—if the older kids think they can ruffle his hair and treat him like a kid, they can square the fuck up; he is Number One around here and don’t forget it.

Education Geten never went to school, but he's not completely uneducated.  He had some tutoring in the group home, some more from Re-Destro personally, and has a pile of books he keeps at his bedside, mostly strategic in nature.  He finds them vexing at times, but is slowly reading through them anyway because Re-Destro asked him to.  He’s been a bit more diligent about it since he was made a regiment leader, because lord knows Dabi isn't contributing much.

On Re-Destro Re-Destro became fond of Geten for the same reason he became fond of Skeptic and Curious—Geten was willing to push back.  He really did make some attempts early on to keep Geten at a proper distance, mindful of anything that would look too much like favoritism.  And Geten knew, in the hard-headed way of a child, that Re-Destro was being a grown-up about things, trying to be mature, trying to be impartial.  Geten just didn’t care about any of those things.  Every time, he would listen very seriously to the things Rikiya told him, nod attentively, repeat back what he’d been told, and then go on about doing his own thing anyway.  And his own thing was, typically, to keep coming back.

Of course, if there’s anything we can tell about Re-Destro from the way he treats Shigaraki, it’s that Re-Destro loves people who take the choice away from him.

Eventually, of course, Geten grew up (mostly; I peg him at 19 now), joined the MLA officially, and had to settle into the structure of the Army.  It began to lead to trouble for Re-Destro, when Geten blatantly disobeyed him; it stopped being cute.  Still, the sense that he Knows What’s Best lingers, so Geten works himself very, very hard to be everything Re-Destro needs him to be and more, so that maybe Re-Destro’s burden will be just that little bit lighter.

On Quirk Supremacy (and Re-Destro, still) Here’s the thing about Geten and the whole, “A life without a strong meta-ability has no value,” line, and this continues to drive me mad because of how people getting it wrong influences the bad takes on the MLA in this fandom: Geten is not a reliable witness.  He is not one of the leaders of the MLA, nor does he speak for its rank and file. Even if you assume the absolute worst about his implications there, far worse than is justified by the text, Geten’s very name, Apocrypha, means that he cannot be presumed to be aligned with MLA orthodoxy.

The only one of the people close to Re-Destro who wasn't born and raised MLA, he still manages to come off, in some ways, as the most zealous of the lot of them.  But really, it’s very noticeable that Geten—unlike Re-Destro himself, and unlike even Re-Destro’s close cohort—never talks about the original Destro, never even mentions him.  When he thinks about his leader, he only ever thinks about Rikiya.  Geten doesn’t follow Re-Destro because of his bloodline, because of the tenets; he follows Re-Destro because of personal loyalty.[v]

So how best to do that?  Well, think about it: Geten is not terribly intelligent, nor wealthy, nor well-connected. He and Trumpet are the ones most influenced by the quirk supremacist line of thought, Trumpet because his relatively weak quirk comes off as exponentially stronger the more he can surround himself in people it works on, and Geten because his strong quirk lets him mentally justify Re-Destro's investment in him despite his other insufficiencies.

Compare this with Re-Destro, who only ever talks about quirks in terms of freedom. Even more prominently, look at Skeptic and Curious, who are not at all defined by their quirks and how strong or weak said quirks may be.  Indeed, those two devote scarcely a thought to the matter because they contribute to the cause in much more important ways and seem to be perfectly comfortable with where that leaves them.

Geten may not be very smart or influential, but he’s very capable of looking at what strengths he does have and focusing hard on those.  That, I think, is what really lead to his embracing quirk supremacy, even in the face of evidence that he doesn’t have the whole picture: the search for a way to measure himself up to the movers and shakers Rikiya is otherwise surrounded with, and not come up drastically wanting.  

“Apocrypha” Geten has been Geten for a long time, since long before the MLA types usually take up their code names. He’s also an outlier in the MLA for having a name in Japanese instead of in English—the only one who does!  My headcanon, unless and until we get some other members with Japanese code names, is that he got the name directly from Re-Destro—possibly even in the conversation that lead to him imprinting so hard on the man when he was 7—and insisted on keeping it before any other code name that was suggested to him in later years.

But yes, he does have a normal Japanese name on file at the group home, which he’s obligated to answer to on the rare occasions that someone from Child Services is checking in or he and Re-Destro are out in public.  I don’t plan to bother coming up with it unless I need to, as I expect we’ll get it in a character profile one of these days.

His Quirk While a lot of people like the vibe of Geten and Dabi being somewhat equivalently vulnerable to their own quirks, and I agree it makes for good fanart, in truth, Geten is only as vulnerable to his ice as Endeavor is his flames.  Which is to say, he isn't immune, but he's certainly more resistant to it than the average person would be!  There’s already plenty of good material to contrast Dabi and Geten without pretending their quirks are more mirrored than is actually the case.

Lightning Round

How does he treat people in service jobs? He doesn’t, because he’s never in a position to interact with people in service jobs.  There have been times he’s gone out with Re-Destro, but in those cases he’s mostly let Re-Destro handle the human interaction.

What does he dislike in other people? Laziness; the lack of a higher purpose of some kind.  (It’s possible he’d thaw out on his disdain for Dabi considerably if he knew more about Dabi’s plans to undermine the whole of the Hero System than Dabi is inclined to tell him.)

Is he always there for a friend in need? Sure, as long as by “friend” you mean “fellow Liberation warrior” and by “need” you mean “in need of an icicle punched through one of someone else’s desperately fleshy body parts.”

Footnotes

[i]  Sanctum II's tastes being what they are, this probably means Rikiya is the MLA member most likely to be able to perform traditional Japanese tea ceremony.

[ii]  And there were elders who would have been happy to leave it at that permanently, I'm sure.  There are always going to be those regents who have trouble relinquishing power back to the boy prince when he grows up and becomes king, you know?

[iii]  And, when it eventually got out that they were dating, a relatively solid match, give or take the surrogacy arrangements that would eventually need to be made.

[iv]  I’m hoping canon gives us some details on this eventually, so I’m not planning to iron out more headcanon on the matter unless I absolutely have to.

[v]  This, incidentally, is a large part of why Rikiya does keep him around—it’s soothing to have someone around who never brings up his ancestor.  Anyway, after Geten evolved his quirk, people stopped complaining so much, even though RD never did get around to, like, giving Geten any formal responsibilities.  Geten, who knows very well that Re-Destro’s real advisors have real jobs, mostly took this as reason to be all the stronger, in hopes that he’d eventually be given one.

[dameronology]

the one with the intergalactic babysitter (mando x reader)

summary: you’re a little lost in life - you moved to coruscant to become a writer, but working two jobs to make ends meet has made you dismayed. one babysitting gig with a mandalorian and his weird green kid might change everything.

this is my first mando piece!! it might be the first part of a series or it might be a stand alone - if you want to see more, i’m definitely down to see what else my brain spews up 

enjoy, 

- val xx 

Coruscant was a very fucking expensive place to live. 

It was understandable, seeing as it was the political and cultural hub of the galaxy - the kind of place that Frank Sinatra might write songs about titled Coruscant, Coruscant - but maker, it felt like they were charging you simply to exist in the city. Perhaps if you’d had a career, or a solid job that didn’t require chasing around after rude patrons and yelling at middle-aged women for severely under tipping. Being a waitress simply wasn’t enough to make ends meet. You’d originally moved to the capital to make it as a writer - a statement you would come to learn would age like milk on a hot July day. 

So, you turned to babysitting too; you already spent your day dealing with sticky-handed children and tuning out their incessant screaming. The extra credits wouldn’t hurt and it was something to do that didn’t involve sitting within the four walls of your tiny, concrete apartment. 

The first few weeks were a bit sow, usually tending to the spoilt of children of rich, inner city politicians. They were easy jobs; the kids were easily entertained by a holomovie and their parents usually left enough money to order take away food for them. You simply had to sit and watch them; making sure they didn’t choke and that they were in bed on time. Simple. 

One slow Monday - the kind were the hours dragged and there was a sort of grey cloud of gloom hanging over the skyscrapers - you got a call. Initially, it was supposed to be your night off to work on your debut novel. The first thing on your to-do list was to come up with an idea for said novel but as it usually went with writers, you found it easier to find excuses than to get on with the thing you claimed was your livelihood. 

‘Hello?’ You were halfway through the door of your apartment, your commslink in one hand as you tossed your apron onto the kitchen counter. 

‘Is this...Y/N?’

‘Maybe.’ You thinned your eyes. ‘Who’s asking?’

‘A potential client.’ It sounded as though the caller was covering their mouth. ‘Are your services exclusive to human children?’

‘Not at all. I had a Twi’lek kid last week.’ You replied. ‘What kinda kid are we talking?’

‘I’m not entirely sure.’

‘You don’t know what species your own kid is?’

‘He’s adopted?’ The voice came back, a little unsure. ‘Look, it’s a long story but I’ve had an emergency at work and I need someone to keep an eye on him for a few hours. I’ll pay double.’

That was how you ended up rushing out again, plans for the night completely disregarded in lieu of money . Admittedly, you were a little unsure because a) the address he had given you was in an air hangar and b) you were half-expecting to turn up and find that the child was a demon. But the guy was paying double and you needed to make rent - and you were like eighty percent sure he probably wasn’t going to kill you. 

When you got to Air Hangar 64 - a jet parking spot right in the middle of downtown Coruscant - you almost turned around, thinking you’d got the wrong address. A man in Mandalorian armour (one hell of a man, it should be added) was standing outside of a jet, a bundle of robes in his arms. He was tapping his foot on the ground, the bright lights of the city around you illuminating against the beskar of his suit. 

‘Y/N?’ You hadn’t even noticed that he’d spotted you, given the whole face apparatus situation. The voice, however, matched the one from the phone. 

‘Right. Hi.’ You cautiously approached him. ‘I didn’t catch your name on the phone.’

‘Mando.’ He replied. 

‘Mando the Mandalorian?’ You quirked a brow at him. ‘Or is it short for Mandalorian?’

‘Up to you.’ His words were blunt.

 It was then that you noticed the bundle in his arms was actually moving, a tiny and clawed green hand reaching up. It wriggled slightly and you tried - you really tried - to hide the look of horror on your face. 

‘That's the thing I’m babysitting?’

‘He’s the thing you're babysitting.’ Mando replied. ‘His face is much better than his hands.’

He handed you the bundle - and you noted that the shiny guy had been right. The little face staring back at you, with its wide eyes, brown eyes and hilariously oversized ears, was certainly much cuter than a human baby. He wrapped his tiny hand around your finger, letting out a tiny giggle. 

‘Is that why you wear the helmet?’ You asked. ‘Cos you’re green and wrinkly too?’

You couldn’t see the Mandalorian’s face, but you could tell from the way that he tilted his head to the side that he wasn’t amused by your statement. Tough crowd. 

‘I’ll only be gone a few hours.’ He said. ‘I appreciate you doing this.’

‘And I appreciate you paying double.’ You shot back. 

‘There’s food for him on the ship - some freeze dried frogs and some bantha milk.’

‘I’m sorry, did you just say freeze dried frogs and-’

‘- I’d appreciate it if you stayed out the hull of the ship.’ Mando continued, ignoring your question. ‘Just stick to the cockpit.’

‘Right.’ You forced a smile, inwardly reminding yourself of the double payment. ‘And do you have a rough ETA?’

‘Sometime between now and tomorrow morning.’

‘No need to be precise, I suppose.’ You muttered under your breath. ‘Well, have fun doing whatever is that you do...Mando.’

He didn’t mean to come across as icy and rude. It was just that he rarely ever interacted with anybody else - the Child was hardly chatty and he usually knocked his cargo out before they could get a word in. Still, the Mandalorian smiled slightly to himself at the use of his name. He wouldn’t usually trust a single soul in the galaxy to be alone with his kid on his ship, but he didn’t have much choice. You didn’t seem like the sort of person who would steal it - in fact, he got the impression you probably couldn’t fly it at all. 

Just like that, you were alone with the weird, Kermit-looking child. The first hour was slow; painfully so, in fact. All you could do was sit in the pilot’s chair, spinning around aimlessly in circles as the kid napped. The pile of dead, freeze-dried frogs stacked atop the dashboard was a little unnerving, but not any less unnerving than the six-foot-tall, armour-clad man to whom they belonged. 

By the third hour, you were beginning to wish the kid was still asleep. You quickly learnt that he enjoyed waddling about and pressing random buttons; he was particularly drawn to the bright red one next to your seat. You were no expert, but you’d seen enough holocartoons growing up to know what an ejector seat was. 

‘Oh no, let’s leave the blaster alone.’ You jumped out your chair, quickly picking up the Child. You held him up in the air, eyes meeting for a moment - then he burst into tears. ‘Hey, it’s okay! It’s better to play with safe things, like this mildly disturbing freeze dried-’

- The kid ripped his food from your hand before you could finish the sentence, shoving the creature into his slobbery mouth with an ostentatiousness that was impressive and disturbing in equal measures. 

Watching him guzzle down the bantha milk was a similar experience; half of it ended up down his robes, the other half splattering to the floor. It could have been worse.  He could have spilled it all over the controls or down the seat. Heck, he could have poured it over your head. 

By the time the Mandalorian came back, both you and the Child were passed out. So much so, in fact, that you didn’t hear him enter the ship. You were snoring quietly in the pilot’s seat, leg stretched out to the other chair. The little green rat was snoozing on your chest, one of your hands resting over his back. There was blue milk all down your shirt and a frog’s leg stuck to the windscreen. 

He gently leant forward to pick his kid up, placing him back in his floating crib. You began to stir when you felt the warmth move from your chest, your brain mentally registering the sudden absence of the creature. 

‘Hey, Mando the Mandalorian.’ You sat up, rubbing your eyes. As you did, the frog that had been plastered to the windscreen fell, bouncing off of his helmet. Your hand flew to your mouth, trying to stifle the laugh that was about to come out. ‘I am so sorry about the mess-’

‘- don’t be.’ He cut you off, sticking out his gloved hand to help you up. ‘He’s a messy kid.’

You weren’t sure how you could tell, but something about him seemed much more docile than your previous, brief encounter. His tone was a little warmer - or was it more tired? It was hard to tell with the helmet. 

Your best guess was that whatever work-related task he’d run out to had really taken it out of him. His shoulders were a little slumped, words tinged with exasperation. Coming home to find his ship covered in frogs and blue milk was probably only salt in the wound. 

‘I’ll clean it up.’ You offered. 

‘No, it’s fine.’ Mando shook his head, releasing his grip on your hand. 

‘You’re tired.’ You said. ‘I mean...I think you’re tired. It’s hard to tell with that metal thing covering your face but I’m getting some exhausted dad vibes from you and I did make the mess after all.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Certain.’ You rubbed your eyes. ‘We spent most of the time you were out napping so I’m well-rested anyways.’

After pointing you in the direction of a tiny closet towards the back of the cock-pit, you gathered what appeared to be an ages-old mop and a bottle of unidentified cleaning liquid. Cleaning up spilled and splattered food was simply part of your day job and it didn’t take you long to reassemble the place. You mopped the floor, prying the occasional frog leg or arm from the ship’s windscreen and controls. 

Mando watched as you did, eyes following you as you darted around. You couldn’t see him staring at you but you could certainly feel it. Glancing up from the floor, you paused your cleaning to hold his gaze, letting the mop fall against the wall. 

‘So, what do you do?’ You asked. 

Helmet tilt.

‘I mean, for like a job.’ You continued. ‘You live on a ship and you have a weird kid - he’s lovely, don’t get me wrong - but he’s fucking weird. Doesn’t he have a mum or something? Or another dad?’ 

‘I’m a bounty hunter.’ Mando replied. ‘And no.’

Did you always talk this much? Or was it just his wordless responses that made it feel like you were having a conversation with yourself? You could have sworn that most conversations didn’t take this much effort. 

‘Bounty hunter, huh?’ You raised your eyebrow. ‘I don’t suppose that finding an individual in these Coruscanti crowds is very easy - sorry. I also don’t suppose that you want my running commentary-’

‘- no, I like it.’ His words took you by surprise. ‘I don’t come across many chatty people.’

There was something about you that he liked - you were bright, sparky. The complete opposite of every antisocial criminal and cantina-dweller that he’d ever come across. He was tired beyond words but your voice was soothing. 

‘Yeah, the kid isn’t much of a conversationalist.’ You replied. ‘Where did you find him?’

‘He had a bounty on his head.’ Mando replied. ‘The people that wanted him were bad.’

‘So you ran away with him?’ You dropped the mop, taking a seat in the chair beside him. ‘And just called him your own?’

‘Not at first, but there are a lot of people after him.’

‘Oh yeah. I’m sure that tiny green thing is the galaxy’s most wanted criminal.’ You scoffed. 

‘What do you do?’ His helmet tilted again, this time out of curiosity. He got the vibe that you probably weren’t a full-time babysitter. You’d looked after his kid well enough but you didn’t seem like the sort of person who would voluntarily spend all their time with children. You swore too much for that. 

‘I’m trying to be a writer.’ You explained. 

That made sense, Mando thought, you certainly had plenty to say. 

‘Trying?’

‘Let’s just say that there isn’t a whole lot of writing happening.’ You replied. ‘You know, life gets in the way. I babysit and waitress to make ends meet but that leaves little time for getting shit done. I’m hopeful, though.’

Mando was almost bewildered by you at that point: you were the opposite of him in every way. You spoke about anything & everything, you’d anchored yourself to this city and you were trying to achieve a dream - an uncertain dream. He was the one that travelled the galaxy but somehow, you seemed to be more free. You had the sort of energy and optimism that felt like a stranger to him. Your presence alone against the cold, metal walls of his ship felt like a warm hug. 

‘Is it lack of inspiration?’ He asked. 

‘Maybe.’ You replied. ‘I thought Coruscant would help with that but it’s actually pretty fucking sad here. I can’t travel though, not when I’m working two jobs just so I can afford to live, let alone go on kriffing vacation.’

‘Right.’ He nodded. ‘I’m heading out tomorrow morning.’

You furrowed your brow. ‘Yeah. Where to?’

‘I have no idea.’ He replied. ‘But I need someone to watch the kid and you need to travel.’

‘Sure.’ You snorted. ‘I’ll just...I’ll just up and leave my whole life here behind to drop everything and travel the galaxy with a random man and his weird frog baby whilst I search for inspiration and - oh.’

‘What?’

‘That sounds like one hell of a story.’

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Title: The Luminaries

Author: Eleanor Catton

Publisher: The Penguin Press

Overview: The Luminaries is a standalone novel that covers nearly three years of the main character Eliza's life. The book is divided into two main "volumes," with each volume (if you can call them that) consisting of several "chapters." Each chapter generally covers one full week of the calendar year. The chapters have very few distinct characters and events, which is intentional. The author has said that the story only really picks up when the novel becomes less about the character's personal life and more about the actual mysteries of the story. And, as the book says repeatedly, what kind of story is about those things?

We soon learn that Eliza's life is being controlled by a group of powerful, shadowy people called "the Gods" or "the White Councillors." These people are connected to many powerful institutions and appear to control the world. Yet we never learn who they are. There are hints: the novel begins in 1867 in a section called "Gustavus" (short for Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden, hero of Sweden's second war of independence), and many references are made to "St. Matthew's, where [a character important to the story] attended church." But the story also takes place in 1858, 1878, and 1891 – a number of years before 1867 – and we must wait many pages for even the barest glimpse of anything that really might have happened in these years.

The Luminaries is also a series of diary entries – or what appear to be diary entries – written by a character called "Martin" (and sometimes credited as Martin Chuzzlewit). These first appear in the prologue to the book and are supposed to have been written in 1852, shortly after the end of the 1851-1852 "season," during which the action of the story takes place. Yet the time sequence is all off – Chuzzlewit is clearly a very educated and clever man, capable of writing sophisticated turns of phrase, yet he refers to "horse racing" and "Lord Byron's divorce," and these are things that my British "tutor" (i.e. my dad) has told me lots about and that I have read about in the newspapers around the time I was born. The entries go "12 days" or "13 days" and then are numbered – a number starting with "1" typically indicates a chronological entry, and numbers greater than 10 are very rare and have a distinct, somewhat subtle, rhythm. There are many allusions and allusions to works of literature, art, and pop culture. There are many references to many famous people – yet one gets the clear sense that the story is not simply about the famous people' lives and times, but about the mystery of "what happened during the missing seasons."

The Luminaries was widely praised upon its publication and has attracted a cult group of fans who often seem to have read nothing else written by Eleanor Catton. Yet I found The Luminaries interesting but not in some transcendent way – it certainly felt "good," and the characters were well-conceived, but the plotting was too mechanical, the tone jarring, many elements (like the very end of the book) contrived or too on-the-nose for humor, and the narrative voice a bit too affected. I'm not sure if these flaws are the result of my reading the book somewhat differently from some of its fans or if they're flaws endemic to the book.

(For those who don't know about the cult following: the fans are united in their adoration of the book, but are also united in that they can't actually agree on what, exactly, they like about it. Some of the fans think the book is brilliant and well-crafted, and some of the fans think there's nothing special about it at all, and it all comes not from a special magical aura but from a mediocre story that just happens to be a part of a fascinating mystery. And some of the fans who despise the book think it's "the worst book ever written" – not exactly a nuanced and well-thought-out critical review, but, well, you know.)

[feeling-uncomfy]

Part two!! I hope you enjoy- I'm really enjoying writing this! :D

There are no specific warnings, just Tokoyami having no clue how to talk to people and then fucking up when talking to hot dudes. Also there's a mention of COPD (I did a little research)

Enioy!

Hawks was there in ten, dragging Tokoyami behind him. Tokoyami grumbled until the door opened again, and he looked up to tell the person to fuck off, but froze.

Gang Orca walked in, bodyguards flanking him, but that's not what caught his eye. Oh no, not the people who could flick him and kill him, damn his size.

It was the boy who followed him in, eyes darting around the lobby, curious and almost.. afraid? He was tall, and the lower half of his face was covered by a skintight mask, while the top half was mostly covered by bangs, hanging low over his eyes no matter how much he swiped them out of his face.

He was muscular, but he seemed so gentle, with a nervous kind of excitement while walking in. He stuck to Gang Orca's side like glue, never straying too far. Tokoyami genuinely found himself frozen, his face burning a bright red at the sight of him. He was shaken from his staring by Hawks brushing past him to greet their guests.

"This is Tokoyami, say hello." Tokoyami blinked up at the boy, who stares right back. Neither said anything, but they didn't need to, really. The taller one broke the silence by bowing at the hip and speaking.

"Hello," the boy kept his head low, and didn't say anything else, almost like he wasn't sure he could. Tokoyami blinked dumbly again before straightening up.

"You don't have to bow, do I look like royalty to you?"

Tokoyami and Hawks winced in unison at Tokoyami's poor choice of words. Luckily, the boy laughed it off as if it was normal to be spoken to in such a way. Tokoyami bristled, and Gang Orca didn't comment.

Hawks spoke over Tokoyami's apology. "Gang Orca, my office should be an okay place for us to talk, Shouji, Tokoyami, why don't you two wait in the lounge?" Gang Orca almost moved in to stop them, but stopped at Shouji's enthusiastic nod.

Tokoyami found himself leading this absolutely handsome, dreamy boy, who's name he now knew to be Shouji, into the lounge. Wow.

He opened the door, and once Shouji was inside, he stood politely in the corner, not a word left his mouth. Tokoyami looked over, confused.

Shouji felt eyes on him, and he looked over to see Tokoyami staring. Instinctively tensing, Shouji fought to find something to say. People weren't really his thing, in fact, new places in general weren't his thing.

Nevertheless, when he'd been told he was going to actually be going somewhere that wasn't a bunker, Shouji didn't think of the consequences when he nodded. Being outside was something that happened once in a blue moon, and while he knew why, he couldn't help but want to be out there, doing something.

He had little to no involvement with the company Gang Orca ran, yet he knew the facility better than even the longest working person there. He probably knew the place better than Gang Orca. Shouji looked around the room, curiosity winning over his preemptive fear.

Forgetting the other person in the room, Shouji walked around and explored the room. Picking up things of interest, putting it back exactly where he had found it. Well, out of habit he organised it a little, but he didn't think about it as he went from item to item, mumbling to himself as he looked through the books.

It wasn't until Tokoyami spoke up that Shouji was brought out of his own world. "What are you doing?" Tokoyami once again winced at his tone. He sounded like Hawks talking to a rude dealer, and Tokoyami shook his head and focused on the guest he'd just startled. Shouji almost dropped the book he was holding. Almost.

"Looking, am I not allowed?" Tokoyami strained to hear him, Shouji naturally talking in a quiet voice. Tokoyami tilted his head at the response, more so how nervous it sounded. "Yeah, you are. I was just confused," Shouji seemed to relax at the words and went back to what he was doing.

Tokoyami watched him move from shelf to shelf, in a world of his own. He wasn't sure why Shouji was so interested in the lounge, it was just full of little collectables that Hawks has gathered over the years. But to Shouji, this seemed to be a whole treasure trove, full of wonders he didn't know existed.

Tokoyami caught glances at his eyes, how they lit up at every new thing he saw. It was endearing, and Tokoyami found himself smiling softly just watching him. It was as if Shouji could see things Tokoyami couldn't, and from how he studied each item, Tokoyami became more convinced he actually could.

But there was something to his curiosity. Tokoyami could go down the street and see half of these things, without fail he could point out where Hawks got them. Either he wasn't as observant as Tokoyami thought, or Shouji had genuinely never seen them before.

"Shouji?" Tokoyami almost snorted at how quickly Shouji put the thing he was holding back where he found it. "Yeah?" Tokoyami looked him up and down before speaking. "Have you.. ever seen these before?" It seemed innocent enough, and Tokoyami didn't miss the way Shouji had started to fidget.

"I-... haven't seen them in person, no." Tokoyami let his confusion show on his face, obviously, and Shouji was quick to explain. "I've seen them in photos, or I've seen them from a distance, but I've never been so close, they're even better up close," Shouji was on a tangent now, pointing out the things he held, giving little facts about them that Tokoyami didn't know before.

For his extensive knowledge, Tokoyami found that Shouji had never actually seen them, or held them. Weird. Tokoyami tuned the talking out, wondering why Shouji hadn't seen them. It wasn't as if they were very rare, in fact, they were common enough for Hawks and Endeavor to compete to get the most.

Hawks won, obviously. He was a hoarder, and a nasty one at that. Anything he could get, he did. Tokoyami was positive Hawks had maxed out one if his credit cards by the end of it.

Getting back on topic, Shouji was still on about a book, oblivious to Tokoyami's spacing out and the large book about to fall off a higher shelf, directly onto his head. Tokoyami glanced up at it and jumped when it wobbled before falling.

Panicking, Tokoyami shot forward, reaching out and yanking Shouji towards him. Unfortunately, Tokoyami completely forgot about the fact that Shouji towered over him, and since Shouji wasn't given a warning, they both were sent to the floor in a heap.

Tokoyami prepared himself to be crushed, but was surprised to find he landed on something soft. Maybe there was a cushion on the floor Tokoyami hadn't seen. That theory was proven wrong when the heard a loud thump. Someone definitely hit the foor.

Tokoyami opened his eyes and was met with grey. It was soft and oddly comfortable, and Tokoyami found himself just laying there, enjoying the pillow. That was, until Shouji spoke from someone above him. "Tokoyami? Are you okay there?" His voice was a lot softer than Tokoyami imagined it would be, up close.

Still, he looked up and froze. Shouji had turned them over, taking the fall and saving Tokoyami the trouble and pain. Tokoyami blinked up at him, realising that his face had just been in his guest's chest, shamelessly basking in its comfort.

To say Tokoyami jumped out of his arms was an understatement. He practically teleported. Shouji blinked before snorting quietly and sitting up. "Sorry about that, you weren't hurt, right?"

Tokoyami looked at Shouji, and couldn't help but think about how pretty his eyes were, Tokoyami could see the concern in them, genuine and kind. Unfortunately, Tokoyami ruined the moment by snapping.

"I can take a hit, you know. I'm not made of glass."

Tokoyami froze at Shouji's eyes widening, and took a step back when he stood up. Tokoyami was half expecting a punch to the face, but felt even worse when Shouji kept his head firmly facing the floor. "Right- right, I'm sorry.." Shouji's voice was even quieter than usual, hesitance ringing clearly.

Fuck. Tokoyami had fucked up. He tried to fix it, carefully stepping closer. "I- it wasn't meant to come out like that, I'm sorry," Tokoyami reached out, only to have Shouji flinch. It was small, but not unnoticeable. Tokoyami pulled his hand back quicker than intended, making Shouji shuffle back. Well, Tokoyami had just earned the title "Asshole of the year" and he couldn't even blame Hawks.

Shouji crossed his arms. He really wanted to make a good first impression, but he messed that up, and Tokoyami probably didn't like him. Shouji looked at the floor and fought the urge to get out of the room. He understood now why he wasn't always allowed outside, he messed up whenever he talked to people.

Shouji opened his mouth to apologise when the door opened again. Hawks was there, not looking pleased. "Hi there kids. Why don't you two go on a walk? It's pretty boring in here." Tokoyami blinked at the clear anger ringing through Hawks's voice, and nodded for his own safety, not wanting the nearest object thrown at him.

"That sounds good, c'mon Shouji." Tokoyami looked over at Shouji, begging him to just listen and not question anything. Thankfully, his enthusiasm from earlier returned to him and he nodded quickly. Tokoyami let himself relax, maybe the damage from earlier wasn't so bad?

The two left the building, missing Hawks putting a hand in front of Gang Orca and glaring, demanding an explanation. "You're telling me that this kid, a kid younger than my brother isn't allowed outside? How long have you had him locked up?" Hawks had one too many questions floating through his head, and a whole lot of anger directed at Gang Orca.

Gang Orca sighed and explained. "He's got Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, have you heard of it?" Hawks nodded slightly. "It doesn't allow the necessary amount of oxygen flow from the lungs, not curable and could make life hell."

Gang Orca continued without hesitation. "In the face of any stressful situation, Shouji has the tendency to panic, and that's not something he can afford to do with this disease. It could be fatal for him."

Hawks nodded, taking it in. "So you're saying he could die if he had a bad panic attack?" Gang Orca nodded and added. "This type of job isn't exactly easy to deal with as you know, it's extremely stressful, and as a child he was constantly sick with it because of his tendency to panic on top of his lungs."

Hawks looked outside, where he had sent the kids. "So you're telling me I just sent a ticking time bomb out into the world, where he hasn't been since he was...?" Gang Orca supplied an age, and Hawks let out a pained noise before taking off and running out into the streets.

He had to find them before his trouble magnet brother got his new friend killed.

[Part 2 end]

[Sorry my writing speed has decreased a hell of a lot, I've got school stuff going on, but I should be moving a little quicker-]

[See you next time ;0]

[captain-of-the-historicfuture]

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

[dustedmagazine]

Apartment House on Another Timbre: Three Perspectives

If you survey the website of Apartment House, you won’t find an “about” page or any exposition of the ensemble’s history or philosophy. While such reticence is rare these days amongst artistic endeavors of any stripe, the very lack of information tells you something about Apartment House’s raison d’être. It’s all about the work, and the ensemble’s role is to make performances that are about the music, and not Apartment House’s take on the music. This renunciation of ego makes sense when you consider that the ensemble’s name derives from a John Cage composition; one of Cage’s intentions was to envision music that was open to the world and wasn’t about assertions of selfhood. Cellist Anton Lukoszevieze founded the ensemble in 1995, but its recording career didn’t get into gear until 2013.

Since then, the group has released 22 single or double CDs covering work by contemporary composers ranging from Cornelius Cardew to Christian Wolff to Linda Catlin Smith to Ryoko Akama. With a rotating membership, performances range from solos and duos to chamber ensembles. Thirteen were issued by the Another Timbre label, including three titles at once in late 2020, each presenting the music of a single composer — Martin Arnold (b. 1958), Antoine Beuger (b. 1955) and Maya Verlaak (1990). The act of releasing these albums simultaneously affords a chance to consider how Apartment House engages with the different intentions and requirements asserted by each composer. Dusted writers Marc Medwin, Michael Rosenstein and Bill Meyer cover the three recent releases.

Maya Verlaak / Apartment House— All English Music is Greensleeves (Another Timbre)

All English Music is Greensleeves by Maya Verlaak

Múm was an Icelandic group with singers channeling the wisely innocent voices of children while a lush landscape, rife with music boxes and other liquid-crystal sonorities, multihued the adjacent soundspaces. There is something similarly open about this music, something so unpredictably predictable, so comforting, so quietly inclusive! Belgian composer Maya Verlaak delves to the depths of experience’s networks while observing from just far enough to escape the iron grip and rationalizations of memory. This is music in which even the harshest sounds melt into a winning simplicity, a world of sound and sense in symbiosis.

It would be too easy to point toward modality to explain such a beautifully optimistic vision. After all, “All British Music is Greensleeves” tears that increasingly irrelevant construct to shreds in a hurry as two layers of sound, one prerecorded, spin bits of the tune down the dimly lit corridors conjoining memory and reflection. Chord, cluster and motive blur boundaries, even as space ensures a tidy trail of readily identifiable components needling consciousness reluctantly toward recognition. It’s a world with which Ives or Mahler might have made contact, had chamber music been more in their sights, such are the buds and blooms of poly-event amidst distantly lit string writing that refuses to answer Ives’ perennial question. The unfurling harmonies, formed of motives in quasi-counterpoint, are inextricably linked with their kaleidoscopic timbres. Recurrence is both evident and backgrounded but none so blatant as the delicious silences, almost periodic, separating the streamlined multivalences. Fortunately, as with many Apartment House recordings, vibrato is nearly absent.

The “Formation” pieces place a similarly subversive emphasis on relationship so subliminal that a simple listen won’t unlock the door or open the blinds. Any hats doffed toward conventional chord or set are quickly displaced by the gentle but insistent winds of change emanating from a vocal imperative or an intoned repetition. Mark Knoop and Sarah Saviet are in something near dialogue with overlapping technologies guided by a compositional voice whose questions also seek a malleable answer. The openness at the heart of Verlaak’s work stems from the various paths through subversion, re-subversion and integration integral to the majority of these pieces. What, in the case of “Song and Dance,” do performers do when confronted only with the analysis, or justification, for a musical score rather than with the score itself? What happens when the justification becomes the score? How is it possible, practical or desirable to confront musical parameters neither heard nor witnessed? The wonderful thing about such conceptions is that they really form the metanarrative of all artistic endeavor. No art, no matter how explicit, relinquishes all of its secrets, just as no single pitch or sonority, even those as pure as Apartment House offers with staggering consistency, is the actual embodiment of that sound. Composers and performers deal in approximations, and it is to Verlaak’s credit that the processes have been rendered at least partially transparent with such beautifully cooperative forces to give them form and voice.

Marc Medwin

Martin Arnold / Apartment House—Stain Ballads (Another Timbre)

'Stain Ballads' by Martin Arnold

This is the second release on Another Timbre by Canadian composer Martin Arnold, the first being The Spit Veleta a 2017 program of violin and piano solos and duos by Apartment House members Philp Thomas and Mira Benjamin. This time out, Arnold provides the group with a program consisting of a solo, a duo, a quartet, and piece for sextet. Across the four pieces, the composer balances a sense of lyricism with a fascination with the abstracted concept of “formlessness.” In his interview on the Another Timbre site, he puts it this way when asked about the title of the CD. “Stains are… radically specific – always stain-shaped. They might remind one of something – like when one looks at the inkblots of a Rorschach test (though significantly, they don't have Rorschach's added symmetry) – but they don't present a form, a coherent outline, a generic structure that can be abstracted and distilled; with a stain, form and content are the same thing. My work continues to aspire to that condition.” Each of the four pieces here delve in to the way that melodies and themes can be opened up to ride the edges of lyricism and abstraction.

The program opens with “Lutra” for solo cello and humming performed by Anton Lukoszevieze. The piece starts out with arco themes colored with hummed and bowed diaphanous overtones. Hovering at the upper registers of the instrument, threads are introduced, slowly progressing, punctuated occasionally by softly plucked notes. Staying within the same set of registers as well as harmonic and timbral areas, Lukoszevieze lets the notes resonate and serenely decay. In the last section the piece moves to percussively plucked notes with poised slow resolve, fading to hushed resonance in the final moment. “Stain Ballad” follows, orchestrated for cello, piano, viola, two violins, reed organ, and percussion. Arnold voices the various layers in a slow flux, moving in and out of synch with each other. The ensemble does a sterling job of maintaining an overall balance so that no one particular instrument is ever the sole focus. Instead, the various parts wend along as various subsections of the ensemble coalesce and then dissipate in to the mercurial overall flow of the piece. The striated parts adeptly take advantage of the timbral synergies and contrasts of the instruments as one moment, string arco melds with reed organ while in other sections, the percussive attack of Philip Thomas’ piano, the woody retort of Simon Limbrick’s percussion and pizzicato strings shift and shudder across each other.

The pairing of Lukoszevieze’s cello and Mira Benjamin’s violin on “Trousers” dives in to specific techniques like the utilization of multiple mutes, bowing with the wood of the bow, hushed microtones and a sliding sense of harmonics. Arnold talks about it, noting that “the sound of “Trousers” is certainly at odds with a “good” Classical sound: I shut down projection, fullness of tone, resonance, the consistency, stability and predictability of the sound being produced.” Over the course of the 22 minute piece, fragments of melody, muted textures and quavering string overtones play off of each other with measured consideration. Themes play out, get subsumed into the progression of the piece and then resurface. The recording closes out with “Slip,” a quartet for cello, violin, bass clarinet, and piano. The piece takes its name from the Irish slip jig, a jig that is in 9/8 as opposed to the usual 6/8 and a slowed pace accentuates the odd time signature. For the first quarter of the piece, cello, violin and bass clarinet move in woozy unison, lithely navigating the precarious phrasing. Pianist Mark Knoop’s entry, a quarter way in, introduces spare chords that serve to unsettle the phrasing even further, though the quartet never wavers in their assuredly ambling momentum. As the piece proceeds, the four parts veer off from each other, with lines dropping in and out. High-pitched violin arco sounds against crystalline piano chords making way for pizzicato cello and piano. The final section featuring Heather Roche’s dusky bass clarinet playing brings the piece to a transfixing conclusion. On Stain Ballads, Arnold continues to expand on his strategies toward opening up and abstracting melody, balancing compositional form with a sense of “formlessness.” With the members of Apartment House, he has found worthy collaborators.

Michael Rosenstein

Antoine Beuger / Apartment House—Jankélévitch Sextets (Another Timbre)

'jankélévitch sextets' by Antoine Beuger

In 1992, Antoine Beuger cofounded Editions Wandelweiser, the publishing arm of a community of like-minded, post-John Cageian composers. Along the way he has taken on the roles of artistic and managing director. Since Wandelweiser is a collective, his stewardship of the label and publishing arms makes him influential, but not an authoritarian figure. Quite the contrary. On Another Timbre website, there is an interview with Beuger that raises a provocative point about the authority of the score. He compares the current position of a classical composer to a perspective prescribed by Christian theology. The composer hands down rarefied instructions, which he (Beuger emphasizes the masculinity of this approach) best understands, and leaves to others the work of realizing his often very difficult and inscrutable instructions.

With Jankélévitch Sextets, Beuger takes a different approach. It is the fourth in a series of pieces that he wrote for specified numbers of musicians. Each composition deals with relationships implied by that number, and each does so employing mainly quiet, sustained tones. Additionally, each acknowledges a cultural figure; in this case, the Franco-Russian philosopher, Vladimir Jankélévitch. Beuger cites his appreciation for two of Jankélévitch’s ideas. First, music has no itinerary; it flows unpredictably. Second, sounds appear by disappearing. The latter point makes sense if you consider how you notice phenomena only after they stop. One suspects that if Jankélévitch was a fan of mid-20th century American music, he’d have had a lot of time for William Bell’s “You Don’t Miss Your Water (Till The Well Runs Dry).”

Beuger’s piece consists of repeated statements of a close bundle of long tones, each followed by a brief silence, with instruments insinuating themselves or dropping out during each pass. While the name is plural, the music is presented as a single, 64:20 long track, which asks the listener to accompany the ensemble through its entirety. The instrumentation consists of accordion, bassoon, bass clarinet, violin, viola, and double bass, which affords many opportunities for similar-sounding pitches to ease shift between close harmony and beating difference tones. This is not music that tugs at your sleeve; neither ingratiating nor imposing, it’s there if you wish to approach it, cycling through changes that reveal sounds by removing them. The music locates the essence of six-ness not in some contrapuntal exchange that draws attention to all the voices, but in the way that a group can persevere over time by allowing its members opportunities for respite. Apartment House’s treatment of this material captures its subtle balance. It takes discipline to blend sounds so patiently, and even more to do so in a way that don’t ask you to admire their restraint.

Bill Meyer

[aion-rsa]

Why Wonder Woman’s Real Origin Story Lies in First Wave Feminism

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This holiday season, one of the few bright spots for families unable to go to theaters—and even those who did—was Patty Jenkins’ Wonder Woman 1984. An ambitious and vibrantly colored celebration of heroism in all its forms, including those that don’t end in fistfights, it’s a superhero movie that’s won as many fans as detractors. But while basking in the new spectacle is well and good, it’s also worth considering how it came to be. For even in this HBO Max tentpole, one can still see how the feminist movement of the early 20th century is grafted into the very DNA of the Wonder Woman character, her origin, and even her most contentious iconography… something that rarely gets acknowledged in the broader comic fan community.

The character of Wonder Woman was created by Dr. William Moulton Marston in 1941. A psychologist with an eclectic career, Marston went from inventing the lie detector test while still an undergraduate at Harvard in 1914 to being essentially blacklisted from academia by the age of 33. But of course his most enduring legacy came afterward; it came when he engineered a superheroine intentionally designed to be a great role model for girls and boys.

As Marston famously said, “Frankly, Wonder Woman is psychological propaganda for the new type of woman who, I believe, should rule the world.” However, the actual political and sociological influences on Marston and the women who helped him create Diana are often overlooked, even as the character has come to dominate pop culture.

Marston, rather infamously nowadays, lived a polyamorous lifestyle with his wife Elizabeth Holloway Marston, and a second partner named Olive Byrne. Byrne is often credited in the 21st century as the inspiration for Wonder Woman (instead of a wedding ring, Marston gave her two bracelets that are identical to those worn by Diana Prince). Yet it is very likely that Holloway Marston had just as much influence. After all, she was a lover of Greek antiquity and until her death kept a book of Sappho’s poetry from the island of Lesbos within reach.

Still, it is Byrne’s influence that historian and esteemed Harvard professor, Jill Lepore, most untangles in her riveting portrait of the Marston family, The Secret History of Wonder Woman. Lepore, who holds the title of David Woods Kemper ’41 Professor of History at Cambridge, zeroed in on Byrne’s relation to the early feminist movement at the turn of the century and its impact on Marston, recasting Wonder Woman as a bridge between the suffragist movement and the generation who grew up reading Wonder Woman comics before fighting for the “women’s liberation movement.”

Olive Byrne was born in 1904, the daughter of Ethel Byrne and the niece of Margaret Sanger, the latter of whom founded what became known as Planned Parenthood (Margaret also coined the term “birth control”). In 1916, Ethel and Margaret opened in Brooklyn the first United States birth control clinic, and received jail time at a workhouse for their trouble. There Ethel nearly starved to death while going on a hunger strike. During this time, a 12-year-old Olive Byrne was being raised in a Catholic orphanage because her father and grandparents had died, and Ethel Byrne was not interested in raising her daughter.

Despite their absence, Olive held her mother and aunt’s politics in high regard. And those ideals would reverberate in Wonder Woman comics too. They were thoughts informed by the circle of New York intellectuals and early 20th century socialists Margaret and Ethel interacted with in Greenwich Village. Among their contemporaries were Upton Sinclair, Emma Goldman, and a very notable Lou Rogers.

Lou was actually named Annie Lucasta Rogers, but because she was told she couldn’t get work as a woman cartoonist, she initially submitted her work as “Lou” via the mail. Her historic drawings of women being able to finally break off the shackles of patriarchy by using the right to vote are echoed throughout Marston’s Wonder Woman comics, just as much as the author’s own fascination with male and female domination and submission.

In the 1910s, feminists and suffragist literature was rife with Amazonian imagery that would live again in the pages of DC. For example, Max Eastman published in 1913 a book of verse called Child of the Amazons and Other Poems. In it, an Amazonian girl must confess to her queen that she has fallen in love with a man. Yet Amazonian law forbids any warrior to marry or bear children until she has produced significant change in the world. Thus the young Amazon abandons her romance, stating she won’t seek love again until “the far age when men shall cease / their tyranny.” This is echoed in Wonder Woman comics as Diana repeatedly, and flatly, refuses to marry Steve Trevor.

In one classic Marston story, a dopey Steve whines, “Angel, when are we going to be married?” Diana coolly fires back, “When evil and injustice vanish from the Earth!”

More appropriate still is Inez Haynes Gillmore’s Angel Island. Published in 1914, after Gillmore co-founded the National College Equal Suffrage League, Angel Island envisions five American sailors who are shipwrecked on an island that’s crawling with “super-humanly beautiful” women with wings. Driven mad by lust, the men capture the women and cut off their wings, leaving them helpless as none has ever walked with their feet. But eventually one of the angels leads a violent revolution “with the splendid, swinging gait of the Amazon.”

This too echoes early Wonder Woman stories of the heroine being chained or rendered powerless by men who would wish to dominate her in every sense of the word. It is, after all, the fate her mother Hippolyta had to free the Amazons from in bloody battle.

Men trying to chain Diana or rob her of her powers by either bounding her bracelets together or removing them was also a common occurrence in ‘40s Wonder Woman comics, particularly those authored by  Marston. In one memorable Marston story, a man unaware that Diana Prince is Wonder Woman even chains her to a stove so she cannot leave the kitchen. Diana retorts with a smirk, “How thrilling! I see you’re chaining me to the cookstove. What a perfect caveman idea!”

The year of 1915, meanwhile, saw the publication of Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s Herland, another feminist tale of an uncharted utopia of only women. For thousands of years, this lost paradise’s women have reproduced asexually, not unlike how Diana is born to Hippolyta in the comics after the Amazonian Queen sculpts her out of clay. These women of “herland” know nothing of fear, war, or even basic concepts of property. Unfortunately, three male American students find them and fall in love, each marrying one woman. But then each is thunderstruck that they cannot consummate their relationship whenever they want. In this thinly veiled allegory about the need for birth control, two of the men are banished when one tries to rape his wife, and another expresses confusion as to how rape can be a crime in marriage.

“The women [of Herland] are Amazons because, in the nineteen-teens, reporters routinely used the name to describe suffragists,” Lepore said in a recent article in The New Yorker. “So did suffragists themselves in both the U.K. and the U.S., including Elizabeth Holloway.”

The writers of these stories were also contemporaries and even sometimes neighbors of Olive’s mother, Ethel. And just as Olive helped introduce a worshipful admiration for her aunt Margaret Sanger and Planned Parenthood to the Marstons, with whom she built an unorthodox home, so too did she seemingly inform (along with Holloway Marston’s love for antiquity) what became the Wonder Woman origin story, which was recently given new life by Jenkins and Gal Gadot in 2017’s Wonder Woman.

There is of course the question of whether the new movies fully embrace these legacies. Lepore, for one, is skeptical, writing in 2020 that “Patty Jenkins seems to be interested in history… But she’s apparently not at all interested in the history of women: it’s got no place in either of her two ‘Wonder Woman’ films, even though they both take place during major inflection points in that history.”

However, the hard-won victories of that history, and how Marston seeded the ideals of its first wave into his comics, is still inextricably linked to Gadot’s Wonder Woman. We see it when she stands with a near divinity over Chris Pine on a beach in the 2017 movie, unaware and undisturbed by the preconceived limits a patriarchal society would place on her; and we see it when Wonder Woman can defeat villainy and greed in Wonder Woman 1984 without having to throw a single punch.

So for whatever bondage iconography that also clearly seeped its way into Marston’s creation, there is a definite through-line of a century’s worth of feminist ideals that connect the fantasies of the suffrage movement to the icon of female empowerment that the women’s liberation movement claimed Wonder Woman to be when she was placed on the cover of Gloria Steinem’s Ms. magazine in 1972. And a hundred years later, it lives on like Amazons and angels on the big screen.

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The post Why Wonder Woman’s Real Origin Story Lies in First Wave Feminism appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[liam-93-productions]

Note: This interview was made a month ago. So mind that while reading Liam’s answers. 

In the offices of Liam Payne's management company, just north of Soho in central London, there's a bottle of Bacardi inscribed with his name.

It was sent as a gift, after the singer immortalised the drink in his hit single Strip That Down. According to the lyrics, which he co-wrote with Ed Sheeran, he mixes it with Coke and "sips it lightly".

There's just one small snag, says Payne: "I don't think I've ever drunk Bacardi".

"When I was younger, I went straight in on the whisky," the star says. "I tend to pick my poison early, then I stick with it until it bores me."

In fact, shortly after Strip That Down was released in 2017, Payne gave up drinking altogether after his lifestyle became "a cause for concern".

"There were a couple of very dark years of me going through extreme peril with different mental health things," says the 26-year-old. "I just didn't know where I was going to end up."

'Reset button'

His drinking started to get out of hand while he was on tour with One Direction - the hotel mini-bar becoming a source of solace as he came down from the adrenalin high of playing for 80,000 screaming fans.

But even when the band went on hiatus, the habit continued. "It was very erratic behaviour on my part - I was partying too hard," says the star, who'd always been cast as the "sensible" member of 1D.

"It was a tough little time. My family were very worried."

Eventually, there came a point "where I realised I needed to hit the reset button and take a break," he says.

"I was coming off the back-end of a break-up, so I was dealing with all sorts of emotions that I hadn't dealt with in a long time because I was always covering them up - heartbreak, nerves, all sorts of things. I'd gotten too used to this rhythm of life; of using alcohol and different things to mask my feelings, or get me through. So I just needed to prove to myself that [drinking] wasn't the issue for me."

(...)

'Success gets the better of you'

(...)

Is that why it took two years to translate the success of Strip That Down into a debut album?

Actually, no. It was that song's phenomenal, and unexpected, performance (it's still the biggest-selling solo song by any of the former One Directioners) that threw Payne's plans into disarray.

"Strip That Down was such an amazing thing to happen - but sometimes success gets the better of you," he says.

"It took the best part of nine months to get to number one in America - and for that whole period, people wouldn't put any other songs on the radio. So it was a really weird time. We got stuck with one song for so long that it really prolonged the process of making the album".

It was especially strange for someone who was used to writing and recording entire albums in six weeks or less.

"Writing for One Direction was a different process because you knew what the kids wanted," says the star, who co-wrote about 50% of the band's last two albums.

"I love those songs - don't get me wrong - but I knew why I was writing them and I knew what I was writing them for."

Ultimately, Payne realised that getting more time to work on his debut album was "a luxury" and he allowed himself to "sit back and enjoy the process for once".

Recording sessions took place around the world, with A-listers like Ed Sheeran, Ryan Tedder and Charlie Puth. In total, the album credits a staggering 72 composers - and Payne likens the writing process to "speed dating".

"Sometimes it was difficult because I'd get one or two days in the studio with someone that I don't know and I didn't really want to share an awful lot of private stuff with them," he says. "It's almost like the first day of school every day."

His experiences in One Direction helped him be more assertive during sessions; and he turns out to be a studio geek, marvelling at piano sound on Selena Gomez's Lose You To Love Me, ("they've recorded it so close, you can hear the hammer hitting the strings") and the textural painting in Billie Eilish's Everything I Wanted ("when she sings 'I'm underwater'and they tweak her vocal so it sounds like she's disappearing, it's like Disneyland").

But as the album came together, he gravitated towards the albums he grew up with - Usher's 8701, Justin Timberlake's Justified and Chris Brown's self-titled debut - shaping his solo career around a sleek, efficient brand of R&B.

There's a thread of sadness running through the album - "Heart meet break, lips meet drink / Rock meet bottom, to the bottom I sink," he sings at one point - informed by his recurring bouts of depression, (...).

"I'm an absolute expert on heartbreak, it would seem," he says. "I think, for me, it was easier to write from a sad place, because the feelings were a little bit more raw. Happiness is hard to fathom, I think."

My sexuality is not your fetish'

But it's one of the album's more explicit songs that generated headlines - and for all the wrong reasons.

Both Ways is a late-night slow jam that details a sexual encounter with two women. "My girl, she like it both ways," Payne sings over a ringing trap beat. "She like the way it all taste / Couple more, we'll call it foreplay / No, no, I don't discriminate."

Within hours of its release last week, the track was being criticised for reinforcing harmful stereotypes that bisexual women's sexualities exist for the gratification of men - a fetishisation that can have violent, real-world consequences.

So far, Payne hasn't responded - but when we spoke last month, before the furore erupted, he said Both Ways was his "favourite song" on the record.

In his explanation, the lyrics are about being open to new experiences and different sexualities, as we emerge into a new "world of 'love is love' and people becoming much more understanding about the way love is - and rightly so".

Payne indicated that the song had originated with one of his co-writers, adding: "I don't know who in the studio had actually been in this situation, because I certainly haven't, but it was an interesting song to write."

Whether or not he addresses the criticism, the song is a blot on his copybook; and a rare mis-step for a singer who's always strived to be on the right side of public opinion.

For a self-confessed perfectionist, its bound to sting; but several times during our discussion, Payne says he's trying to learn from his mistakes, rather than punish himself for making them in the first place.

"My life is super-complicated," he says. "(...) and all sorts of different things kicking off, so I have to drill these messages into my head."

All things considered, would he prefer not to have auditioned for the X Factor all those years ago?

"I wouldn't change it," he says decisively. "I know it's where I'm supposed to be in the world now.

"I was very confused about fame when it all happened; and learning to be a person outside of your job was difficult. But now I feel like I get it. I'm a lucky boy."

Liam Payne's debut album, LP1, is out now on Capitol Records.