#hayden as clone wars anakin my fucking beloved!!!!

[tending-the-hearth]

i’m so unwell rn it’s not even funny

[ooops-i-arted]

I am so tired of Ahsoka!

She wasn't needed and now she is literally everywhere. I go on on any social media and serach for Prequel Trilogy stuff and I can't go 1 minute without seeing something about her, when she wasn't even in the films. I honestly am so mad that I wasn't part of the fandom before Ahsoka was created because she kinda becomes "the most important person for Anakin (fuck you Obi-Wan and Padme)".

It's a bit sad since she could have been a cool character. Just make her master someone else and don't make her the most special and powerful Jedi. And if they wanted to make her a padawan of a "special" master than maybe introduce a new Jedi who idk maybe left the Jedi Order long ago and now they return because of the Clone Wars. This would mean that: a) Ahsoka still has a "special" master b) because she is trained by a master who only recently returned to the order she has training different than any other padawan c)due to her master she has controversial opinions on some Jedi customs. This could be a good point of conflict for her character (do I listen to my master or the Order) and also doesn't make unnecessary changes in the story of film characters (Anakin, Padme, Obi-Wan and others).

Honestly, I think that when you do a serial for a beloved film you should ensure that the characters you fit with what the films tell us. The Jedi Council didn't want to make Anakin a master, so why would they give him a padawan. As ignorant as they could sometimes be, I think that connecting "Anakin is not mature enough to be master" with "Anakin is not mature enough to have a padawan". It's really something I think they would notice.

I 👏 HAVE 👏 BEEN 👏 SAYING 👏 THIS 👏 FOR 👏 YEARS 👏

She is COMPLETELY unnecessary to Anakin's story and always was. Every story beat she supposedly fulfills is already fulfilled by another character. I kinda wonder if it was an attempt at whitewashing Anakin's character (Lucas was involved in TCW and apparently wanting Anakin to be more appealing from what I heard, and this was back when the prequels and Hayden were NOT as loved as they were now because my generation wasn't as huge a fandom voice as the old OT-loving guard) and making him more appealing but no. Anakin is a human garbage can and that's what makes him such a compelling and interesting character!!!

I honestly would probably be a huge Ahsoka stan if TCW was envisioned as its own thing and focused on her as a character on her own instead of making her Anakin's Most Specialest Beloved Padawan Who Is Best At Everything (She Can Even Fight Grievous omg!!!). Back then we were so starved for female characters, we had Leia and some Padme mainstream but that was it (you only knew about Mara Jade in Legends and she wasn't in the mainstream merch or anything from what I recall), and much as I love a good dies-of-sadness joke, Padme is often simplified to that and shoved aside even though she's a really cool and complicated character in her own right. I will give Ahsoka credit for blazing the way for female characters to be more included in Star Wars, but it falls flat when she's just propped up as Coolest Wisest Bestest Jedi-but-not-a-Jedi-actually-she's-better-than-the-Order Girlboss. Now we're back to Only One Female Character Above All Others. (Rey and Rose were ruined with bad writing, Hera and Sabine are wonderful but definitely not mainstream (and probably being butchered in the show), Gina Carano ruined our chances of any more Cara content, Peli was just a cameo last season, and Bo-Karen also got the Always Right Beloved TCW Girlboss Treatment.)

Imo the Council was pretty much always on the money with Anakin (at least with what they knew of him - they didn't know of the Tusken murder spree for example) and there's no way Anakin was ever ready for a Padawan or that anyone in their right mind would give him one. In MY episode III fanfiction when Favored Main Character Got A Padawan, Obi-Wan got the Padawan because he had more experience teaching, even at 12 I knew Anakin had no business teaching anyone. Also, it was NEVER previously canon that Padawans were assigned. Masters chose them as in the Jedi Apprentice series. I will NEVER let that go. Ahsoka being assigned to Anakin was so contrived.

[just-prime]

Parachuting into your inbox because I'm ready to throw my phone into the sea, after seeing all of these posts about Ahsoka showing Luke Anakin's training holocrons.

IT WOULD BE CUTE, YES.

That is, if it made ANY sense for Ahsoka to have them at this point in time, let alone for them to still exist.

More terrible writing for fan service and we can't keep letting them get away with it.

Ahsoka left the temple with nothing but the dress on her back.

As far as we know and can easily gather from her living in the lower levels and having presumably sold her akul tooth headdress - the one symbolic tie she had to the only cultural identity she had that wasn't the Jedi, the only one she could still associate positive feelings with, she was not meeting up with any Jedi or Padme, and therefore was not hiding them at the Martez warehouse.

And it isn't likely that Anakin would have tried to find a way to find them to her. It isn't illegal to own a lightsaber, but Anakin kept them hoping that she would one day come back, making it even more likely that he kept her training holocrons.

Why, after all, when Ahsoka said she didn't want to be a Jedi, would she have either found a way to ask for them, or Anakin thought they would be a welcome parting gift, and there was no time.

We can then easily infer that the holocrons could only possibly have been relocated from her quarters to four places:

- Anakin's quarters in the temple

- Anakin's quarters on his Venator

- Ahsoka's quarters on the Tribunal, in the unlikely event that in the flurry of Anakin only being able to give her sabers back and leaving for Coruscant

- The archives in the Jedi temple, possibly to be used for training other Padawans, or for more secure storage

One of those three places (and the most unlikely) were destroyed, the other Vader had direct access to.

Are we really to believe he didn't ensure there wasn't a single trace left of any of the virtual time capsules of Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker?

He minimally took them to Mustafar and hid them in a closet, but it's much more likely that he destroyed them.

I want as much Anakin and Ahsoka content as the next person, but I am beyond tired of heartstrings, including mine, being tugged on through shoddy writing that insists on breaking canon and logic repeatedly in order to evoke said emotional response from the audience, and distract them from the fact that this show is riding on nostalgiabaiting and milking beloved relationships from much better written shows (when this show didn't put in the work to earn it).

The sad reality is that this clusterfuck of a show isn't actually delivering satisfying nor compelling storytelling at all.

Name dropping fan favorites while saying absolutely nothing about them, while depending on Ray Stevenson and Hayden to carry this show on their backs through their excellent performances isn't good enough.

I really think that people either feel afraid of speaking openly about the show, or they are settling for worse than mediocrity, while Filoni is getting away with murder, giving Ahsoka holocrons and psychometry she shouldn't have, because he doesn't know how to tell his story without doing so.

I wanted Ahsoka to have a show worthy of the character she was up until the end of Rebels. Those who haven't watched her in animation aren't going to walk away from this series understanding why Ahsoka is so beloved, and it's a tragedy.

I wanted live-action only audiences to watch this show and be driven to give The Clone Wars and Rebels a chance, instead of doing the opposite.

I wanted to love this show instead of wanting to eat a plank of wood. Your scathing and accurate reviews are a balm for my soul right now. Wednesday can't come soon enough. Then the healing can begin.

Until the next Filoniverse show.

Exactly. All of this is so fucking true.

Filoni's playing around like a child in a sandbox. Except he doesn't care if the sandcastles he's knocking down are his or not.

The one of the earliest examples, but also the deepest cut that I can think of is the needless recon (and weird whitification) of Kanan in the beginning of The Bad Batch.

Now, a lot of people don't know this, but Kanan had his own book, exploring his backstory and how he came to meet Hera. It was also turned into a 12 issue comic run called Star Wars: Kanan: The Last Padawan which was how I knew about it. The story depicts Kanan and Depa Billaba final moments together, including banter with their clone troopers, on a very obviously desert planet, with no Bad Batch people in sight.

And there are numerous other examples of written Star Wars content being thrown in the bin by Filoni, like massive portions of the Ahsoka novel that was needlessly condensed for Tales of the Jedi. It's obvious that he must have nothing but contempt for the canon Thrawn books given how he's made Thrawn into some insane pro-imperial warlord that doesn't even fit with his Rebels characterization in a void, let alone his book characterization on top of it.

AND we all know it doesn't stop at written works either. Midichlorians, while incredibly stupid, are a pivotal part of Star Wars now and don't just get to be thrown away cuz Filoni doesn't like them. Entire character arcs have been utterly scrapped for the sake of the disgusting GirlBossification of Bo Katan, for the sake of making Luke more mystifying while seeking synergy with the sequels, for the sake of having an easy marketing ploy with Ahsoka the Jedi.

For me, this all ties back to the fact that Filoni actively discouraged people from watching the previous shows. It was a warning flag then that has morphed into the massive red flag that it is now. He doesn't want people watching the old shows, because he wants to appeal to a larger audience who is naive and will eat this shit up. The amount of people who I've seen online who are singing the praises of the show, but admit to having never watched Rebels let alone Clone Wars is really concerning. Because it proves exactly who his target audience was with this.

Which is such a shame because even on it's own, Ahsoka is a bad show. As previously discussed here, the choreography is laughable and the acting from everyone is that of a cardboard cutout and how the pacing is absolutely fucked and how the costumes could be outdone by a 5 year old's first cosplay. But that's not even touching the lackluster sets, and the really weird messaging (both @trashquisitor-shirozora and @kanansdume have extensive metas on the show's treatment of Xiono that are definitely worth the read), and so much more.

But to return to your original reason for persecuting in, yes. Those cards should not exist, in any way shape or form, and the fact that they do without explanation is fucking ridiculous.

[binaryeclipse]

It’s missing anakin and obi wan hours! So if you had to pick 5 (or more 😏) moments when these guys looked their most glorious (or badass) what would they be?? 🤔

Okay Okay Okay I can definitely do this! YEEE HAW! 🤠

Sorry this turned into glorious = handsome. After I found some screencaps I realized where I ended up. I apologize but here we are 😅

Let's do Anakin first, in descending order:

5. Season 7 Episode 9 of The Clone Wars: Rescuing Obi-Wan

That whole part where he's kneeling on the tank talking down to Obi-Wan while carnage is happening all around him? He's simultaneously the glorious chosen one and also such a brat I love him.

I also just have such a soft spot for animated Anakin (and Matt Latner voicing him), even the jankier versions from the earlier seasons (shut up, his nose is fucking adorable) but this glow-up is everything I could have wanted for him and it really drives home how powerful Anakin already is and, honestly, makes the transformation into Darth Vader all the more terrifying and heartbreaking.

4. Revenge of the Sith: Rematch with Dooku

BAD! ASS! BITCH!

The cool collected expression when he catches Dooku's sabre after cutting off his hands like it's nothing? Yes, work it! He's so blasé about it (right before Palpatine interjects and starts being a creep about killing Dooku like the Skeevy Sheev he is) and it's such a glow up from the disastrous first duel. Anakin got his revenge and then some. You take my arm? I take your hands and your head.

3. Revenge of the Sith: Post Nightmare

The open robe, the low-slung pants, the exposed mechanical arm, the brooding... Hayden Christensen's face and low brow were designed perfectly for two things: being a pretty sad boy and the Kubrick stare. It's kinda sad how dark this scene is without editing but the way the city glimmers and catches on Anakin's brass curls? 😩 Perfection!

2. Revenge of the Sith: Don't even know what to call it I just want to look at him

Love looks so good on him, the way it absolutely consumes him to his core. It's both his most beloved and cursed trait and he wears it like a crown in this scene. It's both dark and warm at the same time, the way he stares at Padmé like she is his whole universe and she carries his future with her.

I'd say get you an SO who does the same but I don't think anyone wants to be put on a pedestal like that. And we all know how it goes down. But his loyalty and love do shine bright here in his gaze as well as his obsession and it makes him very handsome.

1. Revenge of the Sith: Unhinged Anakin

Anakin at his most glorious. As if it could be any other bastard but this one. He's at his hottest when he's high on the dark side and off his rabid ass mind, dreaming of ruling the galaxy with the love of his life. This basically includes the entirety of his conversation with padme and the "I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire" villain speech. He's perfect, he's evil, he's Darth Vader at his most glorious before Obi-Wan cuts him down to size 😭

Now for the handsome devil himself, Obi-Wan:

5. Season 7 Episode 9 of The Clone Wars: Confronting Bo-Katan and Ahsoka

He. Is. So. Soft. Here.

Soft but stern and so wholly good. He's a Jedi, and you can see it in every line of his body, in his compassion, in how heavy the weight of the decisions of war rest on his shoulders. The grey in his hair, the crows feet... they so lovingly animated him and I love him so so so much in this scene because it shows just how much he loves but is bound by duty to the greater good.

4. Revenge of the Sith: Utapau

Get yourself a man who can be a ✨Disney Princess ✨

The hood! Boga! A desperate last mission to end the war!

I love him with his hood up, being a sneaky mysterious Jedi. He's basically here to kick ass and be hot. Grievous doesn't know what's coming.

There's something about how good he is with animals that speaks to the quiet gentleness that's deep in Obi-Wan's soul. He may have little patience, and be a sass master, and as snippy as Ahsoka on her worst days but at his core he's a Jedi.

3. Attack of the Clones: Battle of Geonosis

YES, BITCH, WORK IT!

The badass snarly stab scene from Attack of the Clones lives in my head rent-free, 24/7, 365 days a year.

He's peak badass Obi-Wan here, tapping into that energy and viciousness which makes him a cunning warrior and general the Separatists learn to fear. This is the Sith Slayer in action and I love it.

The sex appeal is strong and it comes from the danger factor 💯💯💯

2. Attack of the Clones: Lost A Planet

This may actually be Obi-Wan's prettiest scene. Period. The screencap doesn't do it justice, go find one of the many pretty gifs of this scene to appreciate it's full majesty.

I don't even like mullets! How has he done this to me?

The planets floating around him like sparkles and stars just highlight how gorgeous Ewan McGregor is. How dare they film this scene like this, like he belongs in the cosmos and is home amongst planets and nebula like its second nature?

Anakin may be the son of the Force, but Obi-Wan is the Force's blorbo (that it loves to torment).

1. ROTS: Post Invisible Hand Crash

"This is how gays flirt." - my girlfriend

She's right. The cocked hip, the hand on it, the lean and the devilish smirk? He's never been hotter. What a ho!

He's bantering with Anakin, they just had a major victory they somehow bumbled into like a pair of disasters that they are and the war looks like it might be turning in their favour! He's just managed to dodge dealing with politicians by making Anakin do it. He's cheeky and sassy and having a good time. I love that for him.

Everything about this is so gorgeous and glorious. He's happy, do you know how rare that is in star wars? This man was made to suffer and his joy and love just shine all the brighter for it.

[xtinadoesstarwars]

I don’t know why I’m doing this but I am.

Background

So I recently finished my master’s degree at the University of Oklahoma. You would think after writing 140 pages worth of research, I would not want to start yet another writing project but here we are.

I have been a Star Wars nerd since I saw Revenge of Sith in theaters three times because I could NOT get over Anakin Skywalker in May 2005. I think I was in seventh grade at the time, just on the precipice of my teen years. To be honest, my infatuation with Anakin (Hayden Christensen) had more to do with that than how amazing I thought the Star Wars universe was.

My mom and her college friends took me to see Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones but honestly, elementary school me was not into scary red man with horns OR Jango Fett clones. 

Anyway, after I started thirsting for Anakin/Hayden, I became utterly OBSESSED with Star Wars. I can’t remember if I saved money or asked for the special edition DVD set of the original trilogy, but after that, it was over for me. My Xanga (remember that?) page became a Jedi-worshipping page. I watched the movies over and over and over again. I never touched the books or comics because well...that was a lot to cover. I was content using Wookieepedia or whatever the equivalent was in the 2000s to look up any lingering questions I had.

And then Disney bought Lucasfilm. At first, oh I was angry. I was appalled. They were going to ruin the SANCTITY of my beloved Star Wars. It was announced that the books and comics and other "Expanded Universe” media were going to become part of the “Legends” brand, therefore non-canonical. For those of you who don’t understand canon, here’s an explainer:

Canon: Describes people, events, times, places, etc. that have actually appeared, been mentioned, or happened in the movies, TV shows, and certain media.

Non-canon: Relationships, people, events, places, etc. that have never been shown, spoken of, or hinted at in movies, TV shows, books, etc. 

From Wallaroo Media: 

Since Disney bought Lucasfilm in 2012, there has been a substantial amount of new STAR WARS material, including comic books, novels, TV series, and games. What casual fans may not know is that all of these productions and publications are now officially part of the new canon, meaning that they are included in the fictional history of that galaxy far, far away. With this new STAR WARS canon timeline, you can now stay current on everything STAR WARS, and how these materials are connected with both the old and new films.

I perked up at this because it meant that I could conceivably “catch-up” and be the Star Wars know-it-all I’ve always wanted to be but never had the time. Obviously 2012 was 8 years ago and all I’ve managed to do is complete two degrees, watch the movies, and read a couple of books. 

To get to the true heart of why I am doing this, I have to get personal with you, reader. The world is a pretty fucking depressing and anxiety-inducing place right now and I suffer from depression and anxiety. Sometimes I take medication for it, other times I’m just out here raw-dogging life, as a meme once so eloquently put it. So I know what it’s like to feel like there’s nothing worth living for, even though logically I know that there is, and the anxiety of losing something that you love. If I don’t give myself huge projects to do, my depression and anxiety cause me to want to give up, to lay in bed for days on end, to not eat, to shut down. I need things to be excited about and commit myself to (other than work and my other hustles). As a nerd, I’ve used fandom to pull myself out of a lot of dark places throughout my life. As a child, I was shy and lonely and used books to escape from reality and to imagine wonderful worlds to different from ours. I guess I’m doing the same thing again now.

After I watched the Rise of Skywalker, I felt an intense wave of depression come over me. I can’t seem to accept that it’s over. This particular saga has ended, the stories I have come to know and love will no longer have additions for me to consume. There is a big reason why this specific episode affected me so much, but we’ll get to it later. It’s a story and explanation for another time and also filled with spoilers so I’ll give you more time to GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

Methods

This is how I know I’m a nerd. I organized this post starting with my introduction and background, and now I’m moving into my methods, aka how I’m going to conduct my project. Some things never change. 

My idea is to start with the chronological beginning of the canon timeline according to this webpage. I started a spreadsheet which records the title and author of the media, the type of media (book, comic, movie, etc.), era, short synopsis, release date, when I started and finished, what I learned, what I liked, and what I didn’t like. I’m sure that this spreadsheet will expand to include other things but my goal here is to create something that will help me track my knowledge of the Star Wars universe. I’m a researcher by nature, what can I say? 

I’m giving myself one year to do all of this but I’m not holding myself to it. If it happens, cool, if not, I’m gonna keep going until it’s finished. I don’t know if anyone else has ever tried this before but it’s an idea that I can’t get out of my head so I might as well just try it.

If you made it to the bottom of this post, congratulations and thank you. You a real one! If you have any questions or comments leave them here or catch me on Twitter @ tina_ffg or on my personal Tumblr @odasjimi.

[saranel]

The Last Jedi review, sorta

I don’t think I’ve talked enough (if at all) about what a huge Star Wars nerd I am on this blog, mostly because I didn’t love TFA as much as most people seemed to and I just never joined in the renewed fandom frenzy.

TL;DR on my views on TFA: It was fun enough, some interesting new characters, beautiful visuals, but I’d seen that movie before.  It came out in ‘77 and it was much better then.  Homage is one thing, rip off is completely another.  Mostly, I guess I was just disappointed that they didn’t dare to try and move the universe forward a bit, beyond the already trodden path.

Say what you will about the prequels, but I will always, always maintain there’s nothing wrong with them a better script and director couldn’t fix.  George tries, bless him, but he can’t write dialogue worth a damn.  Not even Meryl Streep could’ve made the line “So love has blinded you” any better than Natalie Portman did, and both she and Hayden have proven themselves to be much better actors than they were in Star Wars.  I’m not bothering with Ewan because he was one of the few really great things about the Prequels. 

That having been said, what George can do is weave a decent background story, and the Prequel Trilogy’s story is much, much richer than the OT’s.  Taking off our nostalgia-colored glasses for a moment, let us be honest: the OT was so successful because it did a very simple thing, and did it well, and had a cast with wonderful chemistry. The story itself is nothing to rave about: just your simple Evil Empire vs Plucky Rebels story.  But the Prequels actually got political and much darker than the OT did, they just did it clumsily.  Still, it was something new in the Star Wars universe and George always tried to expand the known worlds by giving us even small glimpses of other cultures and planets.  Don’t forget that Star Wars was never meant to be high-brow Science Fiction a la Philip Dick, but a space adventure.  This doesn’t mean that the story can’t have nuance, but the point of Star Wars was always to be a fairytale exploration of a fictional galaxy.

Compared to that, the new trilogy seemed extremely lacking to me.  And seeing The Last Jedi a few days ago really cemented that.  Never before have I seen so many things happening in one movie while nothing really happens at all.  It makes Attack of the Clones look interesting in comparison, and that’s saying a lot.  ALSO LUKE, WTF HAS THE MOUSE DONE TO MY SPACE SON, THE FUCKING GALL.

So yes, surprise-surprise, TLJ manages to rip off Empire (with a dash of Battlestar Galactica thrown in for good measure) and does so poorly.  It was not a terrible film by any means, but I honestly thought it was no better than Phantom Menace. And Phantom Menace had the Duel of Fates.  So. 

(okay, to be fair, TLJ didn’t have Jar Jar so that’s one point in its favor)

In a nutshell:

(cut for spoilers)

THE GOOD

- Poe.  Poe was good. Moar Poe, there was a serious lack of Poe in TFA and it has been rectified, this was a very good decision. 

- The silent scene.  Y’all know the one.  People in my theater literally gasped in unison.  I was bored outta my skull up until then and as soon as I realized what Holdo was about to do, I sat up, all ‘oshit’ and it was amazing.  Beautifully shot, beautifully clever, and the most badass hero death in the SW universe.  Only comes in second in terms of best scene in the movie because the other one involved a more established and beloved character.

- MY SON LUKE KICKING HIS NEPHEW’S ASS LIKE IT AIN’T NO BIG THANG.  In full disagreement over how shit went down between them in the past, but Luke showing Kylo who’s the most goddamn powerful Jedi in the galaxy (which Luke did canonically become in later years btw) was such a rewarding scene.  Also, he was dressed in black.  Like in ROTJ. Because fuck yeah.

- Rey’s parentage.  Most people probably hated that she’s not a Skywalker but I just... kinda loved the suggestion that she was the Force’s answer to Kylo?  It’s happened before with Anakin, so this isn’t exactly new, and Anakin, too, came from ‘nothing.’ I liked it.  She doesn’t have to have illustrious parentage to be important in the series, and as much as I love my Space Drama Queen clan, it’s time the universe moves on from the Kardashians of the galaxy.

- Luke’s death.  I don’t agree with 99% of what went down with Luke in this trilogy, I think it was deeply out of character, but his ending?  That was spot on.  Did I want more out of his storyline? Obviously, but examined in a vacuum, his ending was beautiful to me.  Especially that last scene.  Best scene in the movie from start to end.

- Yoda manipulating the goddamn heavens to rain thunder upon the ancient tree.  Ilu Yoda

- Leia and Holdo discussing Poe.  This was an A+++ short scene. Get it, ladies.

- Snoke is gone, thank the heavens.  Worst-named villain in movie history, I couldn’t stop laughing every time someone said SUPREME LEADER snoke.

- CRYSTAL FOXES OMG

- Luke getting his kicks in that boring-ass island via EXTREME ROD FISHING, lmao the nerd

THE MEH

- So, um... Kylo and Rey?  ....ew? (did they not think Finn and Rey were super cute or)

- So, um... Finn and Rose?  ....ookaaaay? (did they not see Poe biting down on his lip when he saw Finn in his jacket or)

- I don’t really care for ships in this trilogy tbh, whatever.  Guess I’m steering clear from attachment until I know who’s related to whom (THIS IS A DANGEROUS UNIVERSE TO SHIP IN OKAY).  Plus, not really feeling particularly strong toward any couple, just... not Kylo and Rey, ew.

- Rose.  I liked her, but... they hardly gave her anything to do.  That casino storyline was such a mess, made it seem like she was there just to be there.

- Finn’s storyline. Snoozefest.  I like him, but... see above.

- lol wtf happened to Chewie...? He was just... there?

THE BAD

- SPACE-WALKING LEIA.  I’M SORRY, OKAY, I know this scene will be big with many people, and lord knows I wanted to see Space Mom use the Force beyond that Spidey Sense shit, but this was just so dumb. 

- All the ‘humor.’ My god, just... no.  Not every scene needs to be steeped in Whedon-speak, please stahp.  I will admit the first scene got a chuckle out of me, but the rest...

- The ‘plot.’  This was literally an extended car chase scene in space with some Sense8 type shit thrown in. Rey hardly even did any training, ffs.  

- so the force-sensitive member of the trio goes on to be trained by a wise, isolated mentor and finds herself drawn to a place steeped in the dark side and ends up seeing only herself reflected in there, meanwhile the rest of the characters are involved in a chase across the galaxy, running away from the evil empire, and at some point decide to ask for help form a well-known swindler who betrays them and in the end everything seems bleak with just a tiny glimmer of hope. HMMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. 

- quite frankly, I’m still in shock Rey finished the film with two fully biological arms

- O hei, look, it’s The Salty planet Hoth.  With pod-racing.

- Really? Rey blushing at shirtless Kylo? Really

- WHERE IS FORCE GHOST ANAKIN TO GO “BINCH I REDEEMED MYSELF IN THE END STOP THIS SHIT, ALSO I DID THIS FIRST AND I DID IT BETTER” TO HIS WANNABE GRANDSON

- The whole damn Casino storyline.  I don’t care if it’s meant to set up something for the last movie (probably not) but it was long, boring, and a clumsily written attempt at a storyline that could’ve been more nuanced and a good addition.

- why did we have to see Luke milk that alien Y

- NOT ONE DECENT LIGHTSABER FIGHT THE FUQ.  

- Leia (and Han in TFA) giving up on her son instead of beating some sense into his ass with a space slipper. Y’ALL KNOW SHE WOULD.  Baaaaad characterization. Space Mom would never.

- Also, fuck whoever decided that Leia, who canonically has the exact same force potential as Luke because they’re twins, never developed her powers beyond Force Sense or whatever.  If you’re not gonna give the woman a lightsaber, at least have her Force Push fools out of her way. 

- Wtf Rey you obliterated that nice alien’s cart and didn’t even apologize they work hard every day you should be ashamed

- why was it meant to be funny when porgs were slapped around wtf

- “what’s that canon?”  “Basically a small death star” kjashKLAFJSHSAJKDFSADFHSAK 

- Kylo. Can he just die, plz, the expanded universe did the Evil Solo son storyline so much better.  Yet another way in which this trilogy is totes an ~*homage*~  No shade on the actor though, he did a great job.  It’s just the violent manchild character I cannot stand.

- So like... we’re never gonna learn what Snoke’s deal was...? Or how he got to Kylo...? ....Okay then.

- This movie was 2 and a half hours long.