#he could and would best the darkling in combat

[blog-of-frontiers]

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

do you have more nikolina fake engagement AU? plz

Sure!

AU several years down the line where the stag was never tracked down (no Mal 💖) and so the Darkling never showed his hand. Established secret Darklina relationship. Meanwhile there’s an arranged Nikolina betrothal that everyone’s having complicated feelings about lol

Part one | Part two | Part three | AO3 link

***

Alina wakes alone the next morning. The twinge of disappointment is truly silly: he always leaves her. It would be stupid not to. The last thing either of them needed was a maid to walk in on the two of them.

She lingers in bed now, remembering the winter fete. That very first night when he’d come to her. He’d spent so much time simply undressing her carefully unwrapping her like a gift. Taking account of every inch of her skin, touching and tasting until she’d been nearly delirious. And then he’d pushed her to the bed and finished what he’d started in that dark side room at the fete.

He’d avoided her for days after. It had hurt tremendously at the time. But she knows his way now, how he’d inevitably feel the need to get even for the simple crime of making him want.

Alina dresses swiftly and makes certain that there aren’t any lingering signs of the Darkling’s presence in her room and then she heads down for breakfast.

She’s surprised to run into Genya in the hall. Genya gives her a little box for her name day. A pretty blue.

Alina opens it then and there, too curious to wait.

“It’s from the Fabrikators workshop,” she says. “Try it at the summoners pavilion, avoid anything flammable.”

It’s a silver ring. Genya explains that if she twists it a certain way while summoning its pale clear gem will hone her light into something that burns. It isn’t quite the Cut, but it’s close. It’s a curiously dangerous gift but it could be useful.

Alina’s training with Baghra has mostly stalled, a touchy subject. Everyone had thought she would be that much more powerful. So unfortunately she does need every trick she can get her hands on.

She thanks her awkwardly. And wishes she knew how to say more but Genya nods and walks past. murmuring something about having to get back to the Tsaritsa.

Alina doesn’t remember how exactly they drifted apart, just that they started speaking to each other less and less. Sometimes they run into each other in the Grand Palace, or in the worse occasions when they’re both trapped in the Tsaritsa’s parlor at length, but they only exchange tight-lipped smiles. Maybe a polite greeting.

She goes down to the domed hall and pours herself tea. Zoya finds her immediately. Despite their earlier— and current— animosity, Zoya has made it a point to befriend her. Or well pantomime friendship. It only took several months of making her life hell before she seemed to consider that Alina might become too important to be enemies with. Or perhaps the Darkling simply gave her an ultimatum, she isn’t sure. Either way they usually both plaster smiles on their faces when they meet and pretend to enjoy each other’s company through meals, through a slew of barbed comments back and forth. She’s gotten better at the verbal sparring recently, not much better in the combat ring though. Zoya still bests her there.

Nikolai intercepts them on the way out though, all smiles and shameless flattery. He kisses her hand, and twirls her around as if he hasn’t seen her for a week. He apologizes for stealing Alina away but unfortunately he simply can’t bear to part with her for too long.

“You’re laying it on a bit thick aren’t you?” she says once they are out of earshot.

“Oh and here I thought that was charm.”

And she cannot help a laugh.

He leads her out to the lake. It’s still fairly quiet at this time of the morning. She’s noticed that he can never be still for very long. When he wants to talk he would much rather do it as they walk.

She doesn’t mind either, she’s content to follow along. And so she also lets him lead on the idle chatter of “How are you?” and “My head frankly still hurts very badly from one too many glasses of brandy but nothing fresh air won’t solve’ until he finally asks, “Fine perhaps I’m a little impatient, but I’m very curious if you've come to a decision?”

Alina suppresses a smile. She likes him. She isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or if it simply makes it harder to make a clear headed decision. But she does like him.

She had wanted to accept. She had been going to accept before she saw the Darkling. And even he had told her to accept, explicitly, even if it was for his own purposes. So truly, what is stopping her now? Sentiment? The worry that she’ll be tangled up in whatever he’s scheming?

She makes a show of sizing Nikolai up. “I’m still considering,” she says.

“Oh? What are you considering, particularly? I like to think that I have many virtues.”

“That you seem to be impulsive, irreverent, and fickle.”

He puts a hand to his heart. “I’m wounded.”

Alina snorts. “You like to be liked, Nikolai Lantsov. And I wonder if you’re only so interested all of a sudden because it irks you that someone might be so indifferent to marrying you. Are you just going to change your mind after you’ve had the attention for a few months? ‘Oh actually we should have a falling out after all, what do you say, lovely?’”

“Well now I think I am actually wounded. I do not sound like that.”

She shrugs. “I’ll work on my impression. But you did ask me what I was considering.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you require proof of my undying devotion.”

She raises an eyebrow. “If you’re already offering undying devotion I would simply call you a liar. But more or less. I want to know that you’re serious.”

“How can I achieve that?”

She’s silent a moment, thinking.“For a start, what do you do when you pretend you’re studying at Ketterdam?”

He gives her a sidelong look. “Is this going straight to the Darkling?”

“I can keep a secret.”

“Frankly, I’m not particularly convinced but why not?” He grins. “I’m only in Os Alta for three more days. Wait until then and I can simply show you.”

“I don’t think you can just carry me off.”

He shrugs. It’s a careless gesture. “It won’t have to be long. I’ll make sure you���re back safe.”

“You’re not taking me all the way to Kerch are you?” she asks dubiously.

“You’ll simply have to see! Consider it an experiment of trust.”

Alina rolls her eyes. “Fine. I can wait three days.”

“Excellent.”

***

She drags her feet on it. But on the evening of the third day, when she can wait no longer, she finds the Darkling in his study, and she carefully informs him of their outing, omitting the part about Nikolai promising to reveal whatever he’s been up to. She had said she would keep that secret.

She stands while he contemplates, feeling somewhat like a child waiting to be reprimanded.

“That’s fine,” he finally tells her so flatly that she cannot read anything but displeasure into it.

“I don’t have to go,” she says quickly.

He drums his fingers over the desk. “No, this is good, I think.”

“Okay...” She swallows.

He rises from his chair, circling around to where she stands. He takes her chin in hand, his gaze intent on hers. “What are you doing exactly, Alina?”

Her mouth goes dry. “What?”

“You’ve been running around the palace like lovestruck children.”

She frowns. “I don’t understand if you want me to go through with this or not. You told me to accept, which I haven’t yet—”

His lip twitches. “Is he aware you haven’t accepted? He doesn’t seem to be.”

“Yes he is,” she grouses. “I’ve made it very clear. But that’s beside the point, I’m keeping him close, like you wanted. And maybe eventually I’ll accept.”

“What are you waiting for?”

She purses her lips, unsure of the answer herself. “I just want to be certain.”

“Don’t take too long. You don’t want to alienate him either.”

She shrugs. “I think he might like a chase, to be honest.”

“I see.”

He kisses her then, hard, still gripping her chin. Her lips part in surprise and he takes the advantage. Overwhelming her as always. Her knees feel weak when he lets go. When he dismisses her just as quickly.

As she walks out in a daze she realizes she should’ve refused that kiss. That she really cannot and should not carry on like this if her enhancement might be real. Guilt twists in her stomach.

She wishes she still talked to Genya.

[sankta-alina-s]

Valentine tried not to fidget. He looked to the sundial again. His ascension would be tonight, he'd come into the power of the Ancients tonight. 

None of that made him nervous. None of that terrified him as much what came after. Tonight would be the first time Margaretha and he would be allowed to be alone. Tonight they'd consumate the marriage they'd had as childrens. 

He stared at his hands willing them to stop shaking. 

He should be elated! He should be tearing at his skin to get to her. Isn't that how his gaurds described their matings? Isn't that how it should be? Why was he so nervous? So terrified?

He swallowed and turned from his mirror and window to his dresser. He surveyed the rings on display. Some heirlooms, some gifts. But many, many of them made by her. They shone in a way the other royal jewelers could not replicate. He picked one up bringing it close to inspect it. 

He'd done this often as the day grew closer. He wasn't so much doubting her skill as he was doubting if he was enough. She could be a goddess isn't that what witches were first to his people? Gods they worship and killed for? If there was an imperfection done by her hand than perhaps she wasn't divine. Then perhaps his horribly mortal shell would be enough. Their people hadn't been made so much as happened. 

They'd been outcasts, cast off from their own kind to form their own society. They'd been shunned and been happy for it. But of course then they'd been hunted for their unique magical properties. So he supposed in the end their combat skills had been useful. He wondered if this ancient witches had known back then. If they'd forged to protect them knowing where they'd end up. It was a topic he and Margaretha debated often. His pulse skipped again. They could do more than talk about intellectual topics now. They could do more than causally touch. 

He swallowed and looked back to the sundial. He wondered if the Darkling would come. If it was wise for such a person to enter their home. 

He wanted to be different, to try something that perhaps his ancestors wouldn't do. After all only a few short generations ago his own mother would have been killed and mutilated in sight. Maybe her fae blood made him weak, or maybe it made him see things that someone else wouldn't.

//idk if this works for you!? But Alina and Ivan go in his place? Margaretha was a witch orphan and a Durast. Val is 21 and she's 18. Uhh witches among the hunter people worship Sasha like a god/saint? Idk. Uhh for ease of understanding these hunter people are a type of Dark Fae called Slaugh. 🙃//

Alina squirmed on the seat next to Ivan, trying her best to keep herself from leaning as far as she could to see out the window. They were within moments of reaching their destination and fulfilling their first ever duty on behalf of Ivan's aunt and uncle.

"I hope they aren't disappointed that we've come instead," she said, looking to her mate as she spoke. "Or, at least, hopefully they won't show it."

When the carriage rolled to a stop and the footman opened the door, Alina ascended from the vehicle. She smoothed the front of her cloak as she waited for Ivan to disembark before taking his arm. It was still incredibly new to be at his side as his mate; she wondered when it would stop feeling so.

[allegra-writes]

Aleksander was afraid you were killed in combat but finds out you are fine and storms the tent where they have you recovering ✋🏼🥺

"Just Mortal”

MY MASTERLIST | BUY ME A COFFEE

"WHERE IS SHE?"

"Moi soverennyi! You can't walk in her-" A single stormy stare stopped the young healer in her tracks, shadows swimming inside the obsidian orbs of the black general, threatening her to dare telling him what he could and couldn't do again.

She didn't dare.

"I saw her fall, I know she was brought here" She didn't need to ask who he was referring to, she knew. They all knew. "So don't make me ask again"

Despite his composed tone, she could feel the undercurrent of desperation in his voice, feel his barely restrained fear, his pain, and something else, something deep and unfathomable, something not unlike devotion, greater than any flimsy imitation of love she could ever have felt of her own. Every grisha was connected and drawn to the Darkling, that was something the destruction of the fold, the rise of the soldat sol and the disappearance of the man himself could not change. She was loyal to the dragon queen, had been trained by her under the triumvirate, too young to remember the times the Black General had been a mentor to all grisha at the little palace, but in that moment, she knew she would have done anything he asked of her, and she would have done so gladly.

But stronger than his compulsion power, was the power of friendship, of family. Because that's what you were to her. Padruga. Sestra. A fellow Corporalki, even if you were the strongest of them all, the only one powerful enough to put the starless sain back together after decades (or centuries if she was to believe the rumors saying time passed differently in the void) of torture inside the thorn wood tree. And not only his body, but also the jagged fragments of his shattered mind.

Even his very soul.

Koroleva serdets, they called you, in whispers. The Queen of Hearts, the only one capable to soothe the Shadow King's pain.

Either way, there was no choice to be made. She balled inside her fist the note she had intended to send to the queen back in Os Alta. That night, it would feed the fire outside the grisha pavilion.

Zoya of the lost city might be the queen of Ravka, but out there, in the battle front, the second army had one king and one king only.

The girl bowed her head, and with a simple wave of her hand, the sea of red keftkas inside the medical tent parted in two.

That's when he saw you, pale and fragile looking on the cot they had placed you in, your own keftka draped over you like a blanket. Two, three long strides later and he was on you, grasping at your cold hand, the familiar surge of power blossoming at the contact, waking you up.

All the air inside his lungs left him in a relieved sigh as your pretty eyes fluttered open, brow furrowed in confusion for a few seconds until you seemed to get your bearings.

"Aleksander" You breathed out his name, and he almost broke right then and there, audience be damned.

You tried to sit up, but were still too weak to manage it by yourself, so he helped you.

"I'm sorry" He apologized hurriedly, "I should've bee here sooner, but I saw you go down and..." He didn't need to finish that sentence, you knew. Could picture it as if you were there: Whole battalions of enemy armies leveled, as far as the eye could reach, maybe even further, sliced cleanly in half by his cut.

A shiver ran down your spine and even if it wasn't because of the cold, you graciously accepted the wool shawl that Mila, the head healer, wrapped around your shoulders.

"Oh, Aleksander..." Your hand reached out for his face of it's own accord, cupping his cheek. He covered it completely with his much bigger one, keeping it there. Mila was polite enough to advert her eyes at the intimate display of affection, trying her best to give them some semblance of privacy.

"I will kill them all" He was all Darkling as he vowed, "I will annihilate every last one of them. No one shall dare to hurt you again."

"Sasha, I'm not hurt"

"Don't lie to me," He growled, "Not to protect them. They don't deserve your mercy, milaya. I saw you fall off your horse, under a hail of bullets"

"Sebastian was already slowing them down" You explained, referring to that squaller friend of yours, the one that always ran into battle (and into every little scheme your mischievous little brain seemed to concoct with the sole purpose of driving him crazy) by your side, "they never hit us harder than pebbles"

"Then why did you fall?" He inquired, sceptical, "And furthermore, why are you still here, surrounded by every healer and heartrender in your garrison?"

This time, it was Mila the one to reply,

"We are here for their protection. Healers to take care of them, and I must admit, a little bit out of medical curiosity. And the heartrenders seemed to have appointed themselves as their personal guard..."

Aleksander frowned in confusion,

"Their?"

"There are two heartbeats, sir"

You watched in amusement as the terrible, intimidating black general's jaw fell slack, midnight eyes big as platoons.

"I fell because I fainted. I didn't know, I swear, otherwise I wouldn't have fought today. I would nev-"

He cut you off with his lips on yours in a kiss far more passionate than was tasteful for a public display of affection, but neither of you cared. Someone in the background cleared their throat, but it only succeed in making Aleksander deepen the kiss even more, enveloping you in his arms and under his cape, as if wanting to hide you from the rest of the world, keep you only to himself.

And that was exactly what he wanted, even though he knew in practical terms it was impossible. But that word was losing his meaning more and more every minute he spent with you, wasn't it? He had thought impossible for him to survive the thorn wood tree, impossible to love again after the sunlight was stolen from him, had thought Alina was his only equal. But here you were, the mender of every fibre of his heart, literally and figuratively, a star of hope sparking up the long dark night of his existence. Hope because the mere fact that you had been able to conceive his child after over half a century of loneliness was a testament of you at least having the potential to be like him. And unlike Lizabeta, he actually loved you. And unlike Alina, you actually loved him back. And maybe he hadn't been wrong, maybe fate was real, cause he could feel you holding his in your dainty mortal hands.

What a capricious creature, fate was. Another healer, just mortal, just like Luda. Just like the cause of his greatest sin... And now, another healer was the bringer of his absolution.

Just mortal... He would fix that.

"I'll get you an amplifier. The most powerful of them all" He promised, when he finally released your lips, forehead resting against yours, "A Firebird, or a dragon-"

"You are not killing our queen just to get me an amplifier" You chuckled. But despite the joking tone of your words, Mila could see the speculative looks amongst the heartrenders. They had always been the most loyal to the Darkling.

But Aleksander chuckled too,

"Wouldn't dream of it. I make saints, milaya, I don't murder them" He was surprised by how true the words ringed in his ears. No, Sankta Soya could keep her throne, he was going to be too busy with his new family to run a kingdom anyway.

No, he had something far stronger in mind...

But, in the meantime,

"How many people know of this?" His voiced resonated through the tent with authority, and even though his eyes never left you, Mila knew he was talking to her.

"Only the people in this tent" They could keep the pregnancy hidden from the etheralki and the soldiers, but an extra heartbeat was a little hard to keep from a corporalki.

"Good, I want you and a female heartrender by her side at all times" That should help conceal the baby's heartbeat for a while, at least until you started to show, buy he hoped to have found the amplifier by then, "Spread word of her injury throughout the camp, and get my carriage ready, we'll head back to Os Alta for her recovery first thing in the morning."

In reality, he would procure an unremarkable, if fast, civilian carriage along with a handful of his most talented grisha and himself and you would be leaving for the palace before the night was over.

"Now, everybody out, I need a word alone with my fiancee"

That got you arching an eyebrow,

"Fiancee?"

Aleksander shrugged, affecting nonchalance,

"Marrying you was always the goal, I see no reason not to speed the plans now"

You rolled your eyes,

"Ever the romantic..."

Aleksander waited until he heard the last healer, Mila, leave the tent before softly pushing you back until you hit the thin mattress, immediately covering you with his body.

"I can be romantic for you, milaya. I can be anything for you" He proved it, placing delicate pecks on your forehead, your closed eyelids, the tip of your nose, your cheeks. They graduated to wet, open mouthed kisses as he rained them on your jawline, down your neck, your throat, right up to that spot above your pulse point that had you sighing, melting into him. "I can be your lover, your protector, your husband..."

"What about the king of my heart?" You breathed out, fingers tangling on his soft locks as his short beard scratched your collarbones, setting your skin on fire.

You felt his smile against your chest, hands on the sash that kept your chemise closed When had he gotten rid of your keftka?

"Yes," He promised, lips trailing down until they were set over your, still flat, stomach, "I can be that"

[hqamore]

boreal star ✵ chapter two

kirigan wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t care for appearance and reputation. he supposed he would have to tiptoe around you until you showed your cards. until then, he’d have you play new recruit.

series genre: romance & angst

series pairing: [past?] general kirigan (the darkling/aleksander) x reader

word count: 1.7k

warning: slight suggestive theme (mentioned in passing)

note: wow. i’m absolutely astonished with the enthusiasm the first chapter had. thank you guys so much! i have two exams next week so i’m not entirely sure if i’ll be able to update. i will try my best :)

here’s the masterlist

“here’s your room.” aleksander gestured to a room that was vaguely familiar.

brows furrowed, you turned to him. “your room is next to this one.”

his eyes rounded in mock innocence. “really? i hadn’t noticed.”

your nose crinkled in distaste as you glimpsed down the hall. “what of my old bedroom?”

“someone else is staying in there,” his arms folded across his chest. “alina starkov, the sun summoner.”

“oh? it’s to be expected, i suppose,” you bobbed your head, stepping to explore the room. “why create another staged cage when you already have one ready?”

“what?”

you observed the flowers by the bedside and plucked one out to tuck it behind your ear. “you like to give your prized cattle the very best so they may feel important, no? it makes it so much easier to subdue them.”

“what? prized cattle? alina’s not— you were never—”

while he wrestled for a response, you continued to inspect the room before happening upon a locked door. “where does this door lead to?”

“my room,” aleksander cleared his throat, recovering from your accusations.

you froze, your hands twitching, before you tore away from the door. “your room?”

“my bedroom, specifically,” he clarified. in that moment, he looked like the cat that ate the canary.

“why would anyone want to have a room connected to yours?”

looking into a mirror, aleksander fixed his appearance. “well, i assume these rooms were designed with my future lover in mind,” he replied.

bitterness rang throughout your body as you barked out a laugh. “your lover? to think you wouldn’t jump at the chance to house your precious sun summoner here. what? was there a snag in your plan to seduce her? a boyfriend back home?”

at his silent admission, your jaw dropped. then, genuine laughter erupted from you, causing you to lean on the bedpost. your knees nearly gave in until you saw his glare. you took deep breaths and tried to stifle your amusement behind your hand.

“i’m sorry. it’s rude to laugh,” you surrendered. while your giggles subdued, he remained silent. aleksander’s reflection was eerily still, his eyes far away from reality. when you stepped towards him, he broke from his stupor and made for the door.

“rest up. you have a full day ahead of you tomorrow.” he began closing the door when he paused just before it shut. “goodnight, [y/n].”

well, that was odd.

✵✵✵

with the sun high in the sky, aleksander walked with you to the training grounds.

“do all new recruits get escorted by you or is this arrangement special?” you walked beside him with your hands linked in front of you. you sported your new deep blue kefta with white detailing.

“i can’t risk you disrupting alina’s training with your spitefulness. whatever i may or may not be planning for her, she’s still ravka’s only hope of banishing the fold,” he said. “my accompanying you is a precaution as well as your formal introduction to the second army.”

as you approached your destination, you spotted multiple grisha huddled in a ring. two of them were fighting in the middle.

“you teach them physical combat now?”

“you’d be surprised how often we lose grisha to drüskelle because they’ve tied their hands. they cannot always rely on their powers,” he droned.

off to the side, you spotted a burly man. “you have a shu training them?”

aleksander looked down at you, “he used to be a mercenary. i think you’ll find him adequate.”

“i think you’ll find i’m already above your training,” you whispered as everyone turned their attention to you or, rather, aleksander.

the shu made his way over and bowed, “general kirigan, i had no idea you would be joining us today.”

you see a girl peek her head out from the corner of your eye, her face lighting up at the darkling’s entrance.

alina starkov. i see she already holds some sort of affection for him.

the general raised his hand, “please, botkin. i am only here to introduce everyone to our newest member, [y/n]. they’re a gravity summoner.”

at the sound of your name, you reverted your attention to the crowd and gave a small smile. placing a hand on the small of your back, aleksander guided you to the center. 

“actually, i was hoping you could evaluate their combat skills.”

you whipped your head around, staring at him incredulously. he didn’t change his diplomatic smile when he met your eyes.

“that is no problem, general.” botkin faced you and gestured to the crowd. “please, choose your opponent.”

your eyes scanned the crowd before you smirked inwardly. “if it’s no trouble to the general, i would like to fight him,” you requested. “i’ve only ever heard how powerful general kirigan is and, well, if he is the standard…”

the grisha around you looked at you as if you were insane. you peeked through your lashes at aleksander whose eye was ever so slightly twitching. before botkin could voice his disapproval, aleksander shrugged his kefta off.

“why not? i can’t remember the last time someone challenged me so bravely.”

you grinned as you threw off your own kefta. out of the corner of your eye, you saw the sun summoner pushing her way into the circle with a dazzled look. botkin warily lifted his hand. “no using your powers. only your fists and wits.”

you nodded and took an offensive position. botkin threw his hand down, “fight!”

you dropped down, doing a low spinning kick, and swept aleksander off his feet. he landed on his back with shock evident on his face. you then pressed your knee onto his diaphragm and gripped his sleeve. grinning, you gave him a cheeky smile.

“i don’t think i’ve ever had you on your back,” you said in a hushed voice.

with annoyance written on his face, he grabbed the lapel of your shirt and pulled you off him. he trapped your arms by your sides as he straddled you.

“because you always liked it when i was in control,” he smirked as you rolled your eyes. you thrusted your left hip up, effectively throwing him off balance and freeing you. you both scrambled to stand. aleksander crept closer to you and threw a punch. before his fist made contact, you blocked it and gripped his arm. you threw him over your shoulder and stepped on his shoulder joint. he groaned under the pressure when you leaned down.

“it’s a good thing i came to my senses then,” you said. “yield.”

he narrowed his eyes before you shifted your weight onto your foot. with the discomfort and pain rising, he quickly tapped your calf. you moved off him and offered a hand. he begrudgingly took it, allowing you to pull him up. the grisha stared with open mouths. you sheepishly smiled and hurriedly put your hands behind your back.

“i apologize, general kirigan. it seems i didn’t know my own strength,” you said in deceiving shyness.

he smiled tensely and slipped his kefta back on. “no, i am glad you are so advanced. it makes it all the more assuring that you are with us for the war effort.”

you bowed your head and brushed the dirt off your kefta, shrugging it back on. without another word, he left, alina following in his wake.

botkin clapped his hand on your shoulder. “you are an impressive fighter. where did you learn?”

“shu han. i lived there until hearing about the sun summoner.”

the man looked surprised before nodding. “your fighting style did appear familiar.” after that, he left you to be greeted by the others.

they were mostly friendly, some talking nonstop about how you defeated general kirigan. you just brushed it off as him going easy on a new recruit. you noticed another girl, a squaller judging by her kefta, glaring at you before stalking off.

“don’t worry about her,” a voice said. you turned to see none other than alina starkov herself. “apparently, she hates anyone that’s a threat to her spot as general kirigan’s favorite.”

“she must be delusional because there was nothing about that interaction that hinted at favoritism,” you snorted as you held a hand out. “[y/n].”

“i heard. i’m alina starkov.” she shook your hand with a bright smile. “it’s nice not to be the only new person.”

you returned her smile, “it all does feel rather isolating, doesn’t it?”

she laughed and nodded. “my friend, mal, and i never really liked grisha. they acted like they were the elite.”

ah, is mal the boyfriend?

“if i’m honest, i don’t like them either. i actually ran from ravka when i found out i was grisha,” you said honestly. “i guess i couldn’t run far enough.”

her eyebrows lifted, “oh? where did you run?”

“shu han. a nice place once the villagers get to know you.”

she tilted her head with confusion etching her face. “don’t they, you know, kill grisha?”

you scrunched your nose, “not as much on the outskirts. but, it gave me more reasons to hide my powers.”

“does that mean you’ll have to take lessons with baghra too?”

your shoulders tensed at the mention of the older grisha. you put on a grimacing smile, “i suppose so.”

oh, baghra’s going to kill me when she sees me.

with knowing eyes, alina grabbed your hands. “don’t worry. she’s a bit mean, but she does help you control your powers. 100% success rate, i hear.”

you nodded, patting alina’s hands, before withdrawing yours to your sides.

“alina!” two girls called. they waved their hands to usher her over.

alina looked at you apologetically. “sorry, i’ve got to go. lessons with baghra, actually.”

you sent her off with a wave. “it’s fine. it’s not like we won’t see each other again.”

she grinned, “right. i’d really like to be your friend, [y/n].”

you couldn’t help but soften at her words. “we already are, alina.”

her grin grew wider before she departed with her other friends, leaving you with your thoughts.

so full of life, that one. no wonder aleksander’s drawn to her. the brighter the light, the darker the shadows. let’s just hope he doesn’t snuff her out.

taglist: @kykymyeon @shelivesindaydreamswme @blackbirddaredevil23 @amortentiaaaa @safetyhtom @savannah-elliott​

continue to chapter three? yes

[lizzybugg]

So I have always preferred the morally gray fantasy men (not always the villains). Seriously. I just want them to exist in my world (or better yet, for me to exist in their world). Here is a short list of only some of the fictional men I am attracted to, what they are from, and what my rating out of 10 is for them:

Rhysand (A Court of Thorns and Roses) 10/10

Utter perfection. The most beautiful High Lord in all of Prythian. Rhysand is the most stunning High Lord, Rhysand is the most clever High Lord, Rhysand is the best lover a female could ask for. Seriously. I just want to be his High Lady. Also… that wingspan…

The Darkling/Aleksander (Shadow and Bone) 8/10

Not gonna lie, I actually sided with him in the books (and currently in the show). I absolutely agreed with him in protecting the Grisha. And his method was honestly the only way to really do that. He’d tried a slow change over centuries and got nowhere. So yeah. I would absolutely side with him with a second thought if I were in the Grishaverse. I’d be his Sun Summoner and gladly help him conquer Ravka if it meant protecting fellow Grisha.

Thomas Cresswell (Stalking Jack the Ripper) 10/10

LITERALLY RHYSAND BUT MORTAL AND SET IN THE 1880s! His quick wit and charm are everything. He is respectful, funny, intuitive, and such a gentleman while also somehow being scandalous?!?!? Like… My man is over here respecting boundaries and always seeing if his love is okay while also stroking her hair, holding her hand, or kissing her (all of which was frowned upon if you did this before getting married). He also solves crimes and as a forensics student myself, I find that insanely hot. Also SPOILER: he’s Prince Vlad Dracula’s last living male heir!!! A Dark Prince (just like how Feyre described Rhysand in ACOMAF).

Phantom of the Opera/Erik (The Phantom of the Opera) 9/10

His voice is the biggest thing! Okay? I am in love with his voice! It’s one of the things I’m praying for my husband—is that he sings like the Phantom. I can sing Christine’s notes easily. I need a husband who can easily sing Phantom of the Opera with me. And while I get that he was “toxic”, keep in mind that he suffered a lot as a child and had no counseling/therapy. I’m just saying… If I ever go to France, it won’t be to start a revolution. I’m volunteering to be kidnapped in an opera house. ✋🏻🙄

Cassian and Azriel (A Court of Thorns and Roses) 10/10

I had to include my other Illyrian babies. I absolutely love them. Even my sister loves them and she hasn’t read the series. Cassian is funny but serious when he needs to be. And Azriel is aloof at times but always cares for his friends. And, honestly, if I wasn’t already in love with him before ACOWAR, I was definitely head over heels when he said, “Be careful how you speak about my High Lady.” AAAAAAaaaaaaaaHhHhhHh. Side note: we all know Azriel’s wingspan is bigger. Okay… I’m gonna go die now.

Ze’ev “Wolf” Kesley (The Lunar Chronicles) 9/10

I consider him “morally gray” because of his history with Queen Levana and the fact that he is Alpha of a regime of deadly half wolf, half Lunar creatures. Honestly, he’s so cute. I would be perfectly content with just being friends, to be honest. But if he were my boyfriend/mate, I’d die from fangirling. He’s baby and no one can convince me otherwise. Plus, he taught Cinder how to fight and got her to try and use her powers on him (which he was abused my Lunar gifts for years). Absolutely the best.

Loki (Marvel) 10/10

Need I say more? Clearly, I do. 1. He reads. I read. I feel like we would just cuddle and read together. 2. I’m absolutely certain he is a tea drinker. I love tea (both the drink and the TEA👀). 3. His character arc was amazing. And his brotherly bond with Thor despite “hating” him was beautiful. 4. Knives. I’m certain he would teach me hand to hand combat with knives if I asked.

This was just a short list. I have a TON more. But I’m gonna stop with what I have already. 😂

[sanktyastag]

I know people have already talked about the changes Mal has gone through in his show adaptation vs his book self - most of which are changes people generally agree are for the better, since they’re sanding off some of his less endearing character traits. But something that baffles me are the changes that they didn’t make as a consequence to the changes that they did. And by that, I mean, some key pieces of dialogue.

And even more specifically, this dialogue choice:

And to explain why this line of dialogue doesn’t make sense to me in the show, I need to talk a bit about the original book context for it:

In the books, Alina has been harboring a one-sided crush on Mal for years. And I don’t mean she thought it was a one-sided crush, when really they were both mutually pining for each other. I mean that Mal genuinely didn’t have romantic feelings for her in the beginning. Or at least, not ones he acknowledged:

“Wrong. I was planning how to sneak into the Grisha pavilion and snag myself a cute Corporalnik.”

Mal laughed. I hesitated by the door. This was the hardest part of being around him - other than the way he made my heart do clumsy acrobatics. I hated hiding how much the stupid things he did hurt me, but I hated the idea of him finding out even more.

This is something Alina battles with herself over for most of the beginning of SaB, before she’s taken to the Little Palace. She had a close relationship with Mal in Keramzin, when they were both just two kids in an orphanage. And then they join the second army and Mal is suddenly a popular, capable, respected soldier in people’s eyes, while Alina is stuck battling her own resentment at her inability to fit in, as well as some pretty gnarly feelings of inadequacy.

Feelings of inadequacy that are a reoccuring issue with her - in the beginning, she describes herself as a mapmaker “and not even a very good mapmaker”. With Botkin, she’s unable to keep up with the other Grisha in physical combat, and with Baghra, she’s unable to master her Grisha abilities. It can be summed up nice and tidy in the Siege and Storm quote, when Alina isn’t using her powers because she’s in hiding with Mal:

I was so frail and clumsy that I’d barely managed to keep my job packing jurda at one of the fieldhouses. It brought in mere pennies, but I’d insisted on working, on trying to help. I felt like I had when we were kids: capable Mal and useless Alina.

So at the beginning of the books, Mal gets the chance to gain acceptance and respect from his peers, and Alina is stuck feeling inadequate and ineffectual. The natural progression of this type of rift is that they would begin to grow apart: Mal would make friends and find a sense of belonging, and Alina would remain alienated and isolated from her peers. Which is exactly what happens. It takes less than a year for them to change from being inseparable, to a normal, casual friendship:

“So what are you doing here?” When we’d first started our military service a year ago, Mal had visited me almost every night. But he hadn’t come by in months.

And that’s pretty much how their relationship stays until they’re reunited after the Little Palace. It comes to a head with Mal talking about his jealousy over seeing her with the Darkling, and with Alina admitting she’d been happier at the Little Palace than she’d been in a long time, largely because she’d finally found what Mal had found in the second army: A place she fits in and feels accepted:

“That night at the palace when I saw you on that stage with him, you looked so happy. Like you belonged with him. I can’t get that picture out of my head.”

“I was happy,” I admitted. “In that moment, I was happy. I’m not like you, Mal. I never really fit in the way that you did. I never really belonged anywhere.”

“You belonged with me,” he said quietly.

“No, Mal. Not really. Not for a long time.”

And this is where that “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you” line drops. It’s specifically about Mal acknowledging that he started taking Alina for granted when they joined the second army, because he was so caught up in finally feeling like he could belong somewhere, and feel pride in himself, he stopped prioritizing their friendship. Which is a very understandable thing!

The books don’t really go into this, but at this point in the story, it feels like something Alina might finally be in a place where she could understand how he felt: living a life where you’re taught to be grateful for other people’s charity, and that you’re a burden on other people, and then suddenly being put in a position where your existence isn’t just tolerated, but celebrated and respected, is a very validating and heady experience. It’s easy to get caught up in a new life where you don’t have to think about how ashamed you felt in your past, and can instead be the person you’ve always wanted to be. It’s a shared experience of theirs that I feel like would have been worth exploring. What actually happens is that they seem to play resentment tag around each other throughout the trilogy, with one of them getting the chance to be respected amongst their peers, and the other feeling inadequate and resentful about it, and then something coming along that flips the dynamic, over and over again.

But I digress - so here is the context of that line in the book:

“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me. I’ve risked my life for you. I’ve walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I’d do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don’t tell me we don’t belong together,” he said fiercely. He was very close now, and my heart was suddenly hammering in my chest. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now.”

Now, when we look at the show... none of this is really relevant? We never get the sense that their relationship has changed from what they were like in Keramzin. Mal doesn’t grow distant from Alina - it’s almost the opposite. The only reason they aren’t together at the beginning of the show is because their units weren’t together. It’s not Mal creating distance, it’s their job. And the second that he gets the chance, he seeks her out. In the flashback, as well, we see him immediately look for her, and he goes so far as to hit someone with a glass, because he was told the guy said something shitty to Alina, just so he can be with her in a cell.

Similarly, instead of them sitting at separate tables in the mess hall, Alina simply doesn’t get served at all (because Racism), and so Mal goes out of his way to steal food from a Grisha tent, just to cheer her up.

He’s present, attentive, loyal, and completely in tune with her emotionally. He is, I would argue, also completely in love with her (which is something I think they flipped from the books - I get the impression that Mal’s been in love with Alina for a long time, and Alina is the one who hasn’t quite made the leap from “best friend” to “romantic interest” in the show, although that’s obviously a personal interpretation). So what, exactly, is he apologizing for in that scene? What about her didn’t he see?

The only way I can try to make sense of the scene now, is that he’s apologizing for perhaps not realizing she was a Grisha? Or maybe for inadvertently “making” her repress her powers for all this time, because she didn’t want to be separated from him? And that works, I guess, except that the lead up to this apology is Alina saying that Mal looked at her “with fear in his eyes” back in Kribirsk, after he finds out she’s Grisha. And that’s, again, a book thing. In the books, Mal apologizes for just standing there as she’s taken away, for not chasing after her. In the show... he does chase after her. He does literally everything in his power to go to her. There’s no pause, there’s no moment of doubt. The last time she sees him, he is afraid for her, as she’s being taken away, but he is not, for one moment, afraid of her. So I just... don’t get where that line comes from.

It seems weird to completely erase all of Mal’s flaws from the books, but then keep the dialogue where he apologizes for how those flaws have negatively impacted their relationship, without recontextualizing the apology into an appropriately impactful moment.

[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch - Part 18

The Darkling x Reader

The Winter Fete was fast approaching. The Little Palace was being cleaned up and stitched up in preparation and the seamstress unit was overwhelmed with orders of silk keftas and lavish gowns.

Aleksander was away at front lines on behalf of the Lantosv King again and you were buried up to your neck in work that would otherwise go to him. You pondered for much too long why he always left and you stayed. He constantly left for the camps and front-lines, tending to Grisha in the outposts and dealing with war duties while you were stuck in the confines of this very Palace, signing your name away and reading boring documents. From what you gathered though it had been the same before you arrived, your intelligence prevailing even now.

'You called for me Deputy?' An older Squaller loomed at your door, her greying hairs curling at the sides of her face.

'I did indeed, please sit.' You pointed towards the small sofa in the corner of your room and got up from your desk, heading for it too.

'I think it's about time I thanked you in person for everything you've done for me, Irina.' You picked up the sealed envelope sitting on the table and held it out to her.

'Is that what I think it is?' The older woman visibly teared up, a feathering touch on the envelope.

'I owe it to you and your mother, Irina. Take it.'

'This is so much more than we have given you.'

'Don't be fooled. , I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.'

'Does he know?'

'Of course he doesn't. I keep my own affairs in order without him prying in.'

'Are you sure?' It struck you with a strangeness that you were much older than the Grisha in front of you and had nothing to show for it. You had seen her as a newborn baby cradled in her mother's arms all those years ago and yet you stood before her, the epitome of youth.

'Go. Live your life. It's all in there.' You gestured to the envelope. Irina looked at you just as her mother once did, a look of gratitude and hope. 'He may not be alive anymore but your girl is. So go, I beg of you.'

She stood up and hugged you tightly, quietly crying out of pure joy. You sushed her like you did when she was just a child.

'Go before I decide to keep you around.' You tried to lighten the mood, to say goodbye without having to actually say it. You knew deep down you would never see her again, and given the fact that her daughter was an otkazat'sya, you had no use for her either. Her life was far away from the Os Alta, you made sure of it and now her mother would get to join her and they could live out the rest of their days as a family.

'Y/N you will always be family. My mother made sure of it. I will always be here to serve you.'

'Go'

And she did, with the envelope clutched tightly in her hand, the daughter of your long-passed best friend walked out the door, ending your relationship with the Volkov Grisha.

You met Inessa Volkov during your very first year in the First-Army. She was a Squaller too, stationed at Kribirsk to aid skiff journeys. She was a firecracker, a feisty Zemeni woman who could both bark and bite and never relied solely on her small science.

It was most strange to see soldiers from opposite armies be friends, but Inessa would always swear she knew you were special. She followed you to the Little Palace, helped you evolve into the infamous witch the Fjerdan's began to fear, but her life hit a standstill when she got pregnant. Twins, the girl a Grisha, the boy an otkazat'sya.

Your position allowed for you to help the boy along in life, to prevent him from being dumped in an orphanage by the other Grisha. You gave him a life of happiness and content away from the buzz of capital and for that Inessa was indebted to you, even after your supposed death.

Irina only knew you as a character in her mother's bedtimes stories until you reached out. From then on, Irina served as one of your spies in the Palace while you stayed in the shadows watching Aleksander's moves from a long distance.

Irina was the last link you had to your old life apart from Aleksander and Baghra, of course. You were lucky she was powerful and could live a long life like her mother, but it still hurt to know she would die eventually and you would still be you. You were used to watching those around you die, Aleksander had prepared you for it unintentionally through his various stories and explained life adventures but the sting was still there.

You and Aleksander were on the same page when it came to Grisha abandoning the war effort, but you couldn't help yourself to not let Irina go. She had a daughter and grandkids that she deserved to spend time with in her old age.

No doubt Aleksander would throw up a fuss about a missing Grisha, but you had planned for it already. In the envelope was Irina's death certificate, the address of her daughter's abode, and all the information on her twin brother's family. You wouldn't tell him the truth ever, you would take it to the grave, if you even have to pleasantry to meet.

If he were to find out, with it would come the bubbling question of 'How many spies were there?' and there were too many to count. You had a looming presence and influence in the Palace long before you physically came back and no doubt he would be pissed that you got away with it.

'Deputy, are you to dine in the hall today or in your chambers?' The maid was looking at you and asking the same question she asked every night.

'I think I'll dine with the Grisha, thank you.'

Lately, you ate your dinners cold and in your office, eating only when you remembered the silver tray sitting idly on the table. When Aleksander comes back he's getting an earful and a stack of papers to read. That'll show him.

The hall was filled with pleasant chatter as you approached your seat. It no longer went quiet as you entered, instead a smile or two were sent your way when you noticed. Alina was sitting at her chair sulking over her plate as she usually did and Zoya was too busy eating to notice anything going on around her.

Your food was warm this time as you dug in, drinking the hefty meal down with kvas. You weren't privy to the conversation taking place around you as your thoughts were suddenly overtaken by him. You were never needy, but as of late you wanted to be near Aleksander at all times which was difficult since he wasn't here. The quick kiss he bestowed upon you before he entered his carriage did little to appease you. He never told you when he would be back, but you hoped he wouldn't miss the fete.

Alina was getting stronger, a messy report said that apparently something snapped in her and she grew in power almost overnight. Sometimes when you walked the Palace halls at night, you would catch glimpse of light coming out from under her door. She was growing confident and it suited her. You knew it wasn't any thanks to Baghra.

'Y/N'

'Hmm?' You looked up from your food to see who called you by your name and not your title and relaxed when your eyes caught Zoya's bored ones.

'Botkin asked me to ask you why you've been skipping your combat?' She looked around impassively as if this was the least of her problems but you knew she had nothing better to do given Aleksander's warning to her.

'Oh ummm, I've been busy.' You set your cutlery down and downed the rest of the kvas.

'A Grisha is never too busy to train, lazy perhaps.' You squinted up at the brunette with a false offense.

'Do you have something else to say to me Zoya?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Alright then if you say so.' You got up from your chair, coaxing her up from her own. 'Perhaps, your Deputy wants to train now. Should you care to join her?' You knew Zoya was an excellent Squaller, and an even better fighter but was she better than you?

You didn't miss the look of surprise on her face or the silent acceptance of the challenge as you both walked out of the hall, aiming for the training grounds.

'Don't worry about knocking me cold, the General doesn't speak for me.'

The spaces were empty, all Grisha being at dinner and Botkin seemingly busy too.

'I should hope so.'

If you looked at it from a subjective perspective, Inessa and Zoya were very alike. They both had that ruthless and vindictive aspect to their behavior paired with that sharp tongue and intelligent nature. They would've hated each other.

'Come on Nazyalensky, let's see what your made of.' You got into position, holding up your fists in front of you, ready to strike a blow if need be. You let her hit first, effortlessly dodging and ducking her punches and hooks. She was as fast as a bird in flight, swift and elegant. It impressed you, but unfortunately for her, it wasn't enough. You had her restrained in a matter of seconds, her arms behind her back and chest heaving against the wet ground.

'A worthy opponent. You're pretty good I must confess.' You let her go and stood up, adjusting your kefta around your waist.

'Again' You rolled your eyes at her inability to lose. Just like Inessa.

'Zoya, quit while your ahead. Besides I'm tired.'

'You do nothing all day, how can you be tired'

'Do you speak to the General the same way?'

'Only when he's not listening.' she joked and you actually laughed. It was refreshing to hear someone speak of him without that devout loyalty.

You walked back to the Palace, laughing and joking with the Squaller until you went your separate ways.

You didn't know what happened, but from that day onwards the rude Zoya Nazyalensky became a friend.

---------

Part 19

Contrary to popular belief, I would die for Zoya 😍🥰🥰

Taglist (tell me if you want to be added to the Little Witch taglist!!)

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[in-my-feels-probably]

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Chapter Ten

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more. don’t forget to read the prologue, it’s important to the story!

INEFFABLE – Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of. 

Chapter Ten

The Crows quickly navigated the palace halls, trying to get to Jesper at the meeting point as quickly as they could. He was supposed to be waiting outside the escape route, standing watch, overlooking the carriages, which was their escape plan, and Elham was praying he was ok and waiting for them so she could get as far away from the Little Palace as possible.

She was cursing herself the whole way, punishing herself for not getting Alina away from the Darkling. She didn't have much time to ponder how colossally they had failed, or how pissed Kaz was going to be for her not telling him that she was an Inferni, although he would have plenty of time to sulk on the way home, because he had finally led them outside, spotting Jesper.

They trudged over to him, Kaz now very obviously limping, and Elham looked even more worried than Jesper did.

"Wow, Elham. I've never seen you in a dress. Interesting."

She sent a glare his way, and he immediately reeled back.

What happened, you ok?"

Inej's face lit up. "She's real, Jesper. She made the light sing."

Kaz grumbled next to Elham. "We lost her."

Jesper chuckled, turning towards the carriage, a smile on his face, his voice full of amusement.

"Did we?"

Kaz squinted his eyes, before speaking. "Well, we don't know where she is."

Jesper was still chuckling. "Don't we?"

Elham froze, before catching up to Jesper, spinning him around by his jacket.

"What can I do for you, love?"

"Jesper, very much not the time for you to be joking. What do you mean?"

"Just ask."

"Jesper!" Elham let a flame pool in her palm, and Jesper immediately gasped, taking a step back.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

Kaz stepped up as they began climbing into the carriage. "We don't have time for this, just get in, and you can give us all a very well deserved explanation."

His tone was menacing, and Elham sunk into her seat she had taken next to Inej.

"Do we have a fix on where the target is?"

Jesper glanced towards the back of the carriage, before smiling, snapping the reigns. The carriage jolted forward, and they began making their way off the palace grounds.

---

It had been a few minutes of riding in silence, and the air was thick with tension. Elham pretended not to notice Inej's glances toward her hands she had clenched in her lap. Jesper kept glancing over his shoulder at her, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

Kaz hadn't turned around once, eyes set straight ahead.

Jesper finally broke the silence. "So...do you want to tell me what the hell that was?"

Elham took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry. Through clenched teeth, she spoke. "I'm an Inferni."

"Well that's obvious, love. I think we all gathered that. Why the hell didn't any of us know? And why show us now?"

Elham thought back to the orphanage she grew up in, to being tested and taken to the Little Palace. Meeting Nina, training with Baghra, finding out about the Darkling. Escaping and coming to Ketterdam. Going through a year of pain, meeting Kaz and becoming part of the Dregs, then the Crows, part of a family.

Kaz still hadn't turned around, but she knew he was listening. Inej had turned to face her, contently listening.

"Ok, ok, alright. You all know I'm an orphan, I grew up in Karamzin until I was 10 or so. I don't know who my parents are, what happened to them, or why they didn't want me, I just know I was born in Novyi Zem and I was taken to the orphanage, and I lived there till the Grisha came to test the new children. They tested me, and took me to the Little Palace to become part of the Second Army, to start training."

Jesper turned around slightly, eyeing her. "You're telling me you lived here, and didn't wanna tell us any vital information to get us inside?"

"I didn't want you to know, ok! It wasn't exactly the best time of my life here."

"Why not?" Elham felt a tear roll down her cheek, and quickly wiped it away. "I'm an Inferni, but I'm not like the rest of them. They have to use something to create a spark, they can't just summon it like I can. The problem is, it's unpredictable. I never got a hold on it, so they would rarely let me use it in training. I had to learn physical combat skills instead, which did actually come in handy in the Barrel."

Inej had grabbed Elham's hand now, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Kaz had slightly turned in her direction.

"Anyways, everyone thought I was a freak, people were scared of me, they didn't want to be around me. Besides Nina."

Kaz fully turned around towards her at that, and you could almost detect a tone of hurt in his voice. What else hadn't she told him? "Really? You know Nina?"

"Knew. I haven't seen her since I was 13. She was one of my only friends in the Little Palace, and even then, I hardly saw her. Etherealki don't interact much with Corporalki, each type of Grisha generally sticks to their own order. Nina left before me though, she was quite skilled, and the Second Army needed new soldiers. I wasn't anywhere near ready, so I was left alone. Baghra took a liking to me, and made me her personal project."

Inej quipped up. "Who's Baghra?"

Elham's lips turned to a frown. "The Darkling's mother."

"What? Isn't the Darkling like a hundred years old?"

"Yes. And so is she. He just plays her off as an older mentor that had joined when he first came into service for the King. Which wasn't in the past hundred years, by the way."

Jesper sounded exasperated. "What does that mean?"

Elham almost laughed, and she would have if there wasn't a pit in her stomach and she felt like she could burst into tears at any moment.

"The Darkling, and the Black Heretic...they're the same person. He's been faking his death every few hundred years and coming into the service of a new King, now he serves the Lantsov line. I'm sure he was alive when the first Lantsov became King, he's that old, and so is Baghra."

Inej gasped, her face going pale. "The Black Heretic, the one who created the Fold...the Darkling did that?"

"Yes."

Kaz finally spoke up. "How the hell could you possibly know all of this? I find it hard to believe someone decided to tell all of this to a 13 year old girl."

Elham narrowed her eyes at him. "They didn't have a choice. Baghra had to tell me, it was the only way she could get me to leave."

Jesper was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Saints, Elham, alright, I'm gonna need you to explain a little bit better than that."

Elham nodded, sitting up straighter. "As I said earlier, Baghra started watching over me. She didn't like the idea of a Grisha not being able to defend themself. So she made me choose a weapon, and master it. She had me running drills, practicing sun up to sun down. Saints, I've never been as tired as I was training with her."

Elham chuckled, but it was pained, and her smile didn't meet her eyes. "She taught me some ways to try and control my powers, but I would never be as good with them as I was with a sword, and I think she knew that, so she let me master it before she started training me with my powers. We would practice away from the other Grisha, she didn't want me distracted. One day, the Darkling sat in on my training."

She took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. "He never told me why he was there, and Baghra lied and said he just liked to check in on the training sessions every once in a while. It's awful to say, but Saints, I would have done anything to have people look at me like he did when he watched me use my powers. He didn't look at me like I was some freak of nature, he saw my potential. I was so naive, I should have known."

Kaz was intently staring at Elham, watching the emotions change in her face. "Know what?"

"That he wanted to use me. My powers are different, I can summon them whenever I want, and the more I used them, the stronger I got. I could blaze down a whole forest if I wanted to and not even break a sweat. He made sure Baghra was teaching me to control them, and then he started taking me to training sessions himself, asking me questions."

Kaz's jaw was clenched. "Like what?"

"Like if I was scared of his powers. Or if I was sick of people looking down on me. When I started getting a grip on my powers, he took me from training out into the forest to practice more. And then...he--"

Elham choked down a cry, rubbing her hand down her face. "He wanted to see if he could use my powers with his. He had me create a flame, and he would twist darkness into it, making the flame grow. He could pull the flame towards him, moving it without me having to. Saints only know what I could have done with an amplifier."

"What's an amplifier?"

"An object that a Grisha can use to enhance their power. The Darkling is one himself, he was by far the best method to me controlling my powers."

Inej squeezed Elham's hand again. "I don't understand, why'd he take such interest in you?"

Elham couldn't stop the tears from falling this time. "He wanted to use my powers and his in the Fold. He wanted to light the whole thing up. It would have been a mountain of fire and darkness. He never wanted to destroy the fold, he wanted to make it a weapon." She chuckled darkly. "I didn't want to believe Baghra when she told me. I was just beginning to feel like I belonged, and it felt like she was ripping that away from me. I'm not completely heartless, though, I never would have let him use me like that. I have no love for Ravka, but I could never add to his incessant need for destruction and power. I escaped, and never thought about coming back."

Jesper laid a hand on her knee. "I'm sorry you had to come back."

She gave him a small smile. "It's alright. I think I needed to. I needed to face this, I needed to face him. Besides, I had to at least try and get Alina out. When you all went into the palace, and I had to try and find another way in, I took the trail I used to escape. It led right to Baghra's hut, she's the one who helped me get inside the palace. I had to see if what everyone was saying was true, if the Sun Summoner was real, so I went to her."

Elham was actually smiling now, and Kaz's shoulders eased at the sight of it. "You know, she was the one who gave me the sword. The one I had all those years in Ketterdam."

The smile faded. "The one Pekka Rollins broke. I had almost forgotten about that."

Kaz watched her face fall, and despite himself, his heart clenched at the sight. She continued.

"Baghra told me that I needed to get Alina out, and I promised her I would. That kind of power in the hands of the Darkling, it would be catastrophic...oh, Saints!"

"What?"

"Baghra! If Alina escaped, the Darkling is going to find out who let her go, who told her about him. He's ruthless, he'd kill his own mother. If anything happens to her..."

Elham trailed off, unable to speak. Despite not knowing the right thing to say, Kaz couldn't bear to watch her in pain, and watch her sit there suffering. He hesitated then spoke.

"You know, she is the Darkling's mother. She's survived all of these years before him, I'm sure she'll long outlive him. If she's anything like how you talk about her, she has nothing to worry about."

Elham sniffed, nodding at him gratefully. "So...now you all know, I guess. About me, and everything. Surprise?"

Inej let out a laugh, and Jesper was grinning. "Hey, El...want to know another surprise?"

She eagerly nodded, directing her attention to him. He glanced around at the Crows, leaning in. "The Sun Summoner? She may or not be in the back of the carriage in the trunk. Allegedly, of course."

There was silence for a few moments, and nobody moved, stunned. Elham just stared at Jesper, who was grinning like a fool. Kaz relaxed against his seat, his lips curled into the smallest grin.

"Well. Maybe there are Saints after all."

---

A/N - hi guys, i'm really excited to get into the stuff i've had planned since before starting this story, i've got a lot of elham and kaz content coming, hope y'all are ready for it all. let me know what you thought, feel free to reach out, and thank you for the support!

[skyandseaofsurprises]

I Will Leave You Words- Kaz Brekker

Summary- A young boy and girl, met in the darkest valley, away from each other, to see the stars and moon. When they caught a glimpse of each other, they exchange and left some few words for each other.

gif is by @crowbrekker​ <3 so.... this is my first kaz brekker fanfic so pls be considerate lmao and my first post in tumblr, for that matter. idk i had this idea in my head so i decided to make a tumblr account in the middle of the night :) fanfic’s inspired by Je te laisserai des mots- patrick watson’s song and I LOVE IT SM AND I NEED ANGST. + i’m still half way of the books so this might be a lil ooc so sorry anyways here we go!! (i changed the age of kaz when they moved to ketterdam so instead he and jordie moved in ketterdam around the age of 5 and not 9)

   What such good lies it was what came out of your mouth. Love, the most unexpected thing for such Grisha like you. A Tidemaker, and a powerful one. Your parents had died when you were a kid, and you were taken to the Darkling’s services. Such good power like yours needs help. He’d told you. You, being a scared and naive girl at the moment, didn’t see the evilness in his grey eyes, and you let him train you. For years you were in his army, fighting.

   But you wouldn’t forget your life before your parents had died. You were all living in Ketterdam, and it may not be the best place to live when you are a runaway Grisha, but it was alright for you, it’d felt like home, or how you define home is.

   Your parents were runaway Grishas; Inferni and Heartrender. They did not want to be a part of the war, and so they run, ran with their powerful Tidemaker child, you because they knew Darkling would want you to be in his side if he ever finds you, and that will certainly not be happening as long as your parents breathe.

   While you were staying in Ketterdam, your family had lived in a small apartment, inside the shadows where no one can find you easily. You weren’t allowed to go out seeing as Ketterdam was dangerous, and your parents were the only ones to go out to get some money and food.

   You obliged their orders and stayed in your apartment. The apartment was small, but it was still neat for one to live in. Whilst your apartment was located on one of the darkest alleys of Ketterdam, your apartment was tall, yet small, enough that you could see the stars twinkling underneath the shining moonlight, You’d rest your little cheeks on your smalls window and stare at it, the longing, sad stars reflecting back on your kind and tired eyes.

   And then, all of the sudden, you had found a boy, lost and scared, on the alleys of your apartment. You were fast and logical enough to hide underneath your table; Remember, my child, Ketterdam and its people is not one you would trust. This man was a stranger and was probably just lost. So she hid.

  She stayed there until the boy seemingly climbs to the top of the others apartment roof; using its back stairs. There the boy sat quietly and comfortably, watching the stars. You blinked, why would a young boy, your age, climb up one rooftop just to watch the stars?

  You never knew why, but the boy’s name was Kaz Brekker, and his mother would sometimes take him on top of the highest grounds near their farm to watch the shooting stars. He seemingly turns around when you were peaking out the window, staring at him in awe.

   He’d stared back, and he had smiled at you. You froze and felt your cheeks hit up as you subconsciously. closed your windows and flopped on your small bed. 

   That was the start of the nights you’d see him. And you kept seeing him.

    Je te laisserai des mots     I’ll leave you words

   For over the years, he’d go to the alley of your apartment, to watch the stars. You guys were now 8, kids who met at 5, and you started to interact with each other for over 3 years. You’d been able to sneak out when your parents weren’t home, and lay a note on the ground of the rooftops, and wait until the unknown boy would be there, and he, too, would leave you a note of words and poems and dreams.

   “Do you like the stars, too?”   “Stars are wonderful, don’t you think?”   “Yes! I’m Y/N L/N!”    “Well, hello, I’m Kaz Rietvield.”

    Every wakening of the breezing nights, you kids would interact with each other by sending little notes to each other, every night in your 3 years of friendship. You, still yet not allowed to explore the world and was only ever inside your apartment, would send him waves and smiles that could light up the world in distance. He’d blushed, look back at the stars, and would read your letters. Your smile could light up the world, seeing as it lit up his life.

  Living in Ketterdam as orphans weren’t easy. Jordie Rietvield, his beloved brother he’d told you about in one of his letters, was going back and forth to jobs, just to keep them alive. Jordie had sent Kaz off to school as he works. Kaz, after schools, would go sit by the rooftop right opposite where Y/N’s window is and would leave her notes about his day.

   Everything was alright in their little world. Until it wasn’t.

   Y/N’s parents were dead. They caught the Queen’s Plague. It seems as though Kaz Rietvield and Jordie Rietvield had, too. The last time she’d seen them was when they were taking their bodies out on the ocean.

   You’d cried. He was dead. Her friend from the other sides of the stars and darkness was dead. 

   You snuck off a ship headed towards Ravka, and when you were sent off to Keramzin, you had been tested as a Grisha and was taken to Os Alta, where they trained you in combat and how to use your Tidemaker magic- or science- or whatever, you never really cared. As for Darkling, he’d become your mentor, like a father. He’d tell you stories he uses to know when he was a kid and will help you in your Tidemaker skills.

    En sous de ta porte     Underneath your door

   You were living a good life, but you never forgot the face of one dead person. Kaz Rietvield. You’d still send letters on Ketterdam, even if it was pointless to send letters to a dead man. You always addressed it to that apartment and made sure the letters were sent. You were being crazy; sending notes to someone who would never. . . no, who could never, again, read your letters, your stories, your dreams, and the stars.

   After the wars of Ravka, you travelled around the world, in disguise, still. You is still yet to trust everyone after what happened to the Darkling. After you went to different places of the world, your last destination was Ketterdam, the home of the lost, the home of the stars, and your home.

   En sous de la lune qui chante    Underneath the singing moon

   Whilst you were in the ship headed towards Ketterdam, you were looking at the sea, where your parents’ and a certain young boy’s body now lied within. You slowly bent down, the tip of your nails touching the seawater as you started to play with it, tears forming on your eyes. You were in the middle of the ocean, above was the moon, and you started singing for the lonely, peaceful moon.

   It wasn’t great to be back on the sea of the dead beloved ones.

   When you arrived at Ketterdam, the first thing you had noticed was it was darker, now as dark as the once alley of your apartment where you- Again, there it was again, thinking about the dead. Everything seems to remind you of him.

   And so, you went straight to that alley of where you lived, seeing it pitched black. Of course. You’d grinned. You looked up at the starry sky and see the twinkling eyes you once dreamed of seeing again in your Ravka days. It feels good to be back.

    Tout près de la place où tes pieds passent     Near the place where your feet pass by

   You stayed in the middle of that alley, not noticing a dark shadow watching you over your apartment’s roof. That shadow seemingly furrowed their eyebrows when you decided to walk to the stairs of your neighbors' house, where you dreamed of going to just to see a certain boy.

   Because of the dark, starry nights years ago, you never truly saw what he looked like, but you knew he had ebony hair, and a smile you will never once forget.

   When you arrived, you saw that your letter wasn’t there, and started to look everywhere, eventually climbing on the rooftop. There it was in front of you, the most beautiful shooting stars you’d ever seen. Wow, you thought. This was the best view of the stars in Ketterdam, no wonder he chose to pick this spot. You smiled to yourself, looking at your apartment’s window, seeing it empty. You smiled sadly, imagining your old self looking back at you, the orange light behind you making your whole body more noticeable. And then you realized, that boy knows how you looked like, but you don’t even know how he looks like.

   You eventually left that valley. You decided to go to the place where they delivered letters around the world until you passed a club, a dark but loud club.

   The Crow Club.

   The Crow Club. That’s a funny name, you’d thought. You went inside and heard people gambling, drinking, and just having fun. You smiled to yourself, even in that pain and suffering you felt and saw 2 years ago, in the war, you were still the girl you once were.

   You decided to go to the bar side of the club and ordered a drink. You tied your magical hair in a low ponytail as you waited for your drink until a Zemeni man had appeared beside you.

   “And what’s a pretty lady doing here, all alone?” The Zemeni tried to flirt with you, adjusting his coat and ordering a drink.

   You smiled kindly at him, taking your drink as you look at him, “Thanks for the flattery, Zemeni. Y/N.” she said.

   The boy smirked at you, “Jesper Fahey, at your service.”  he winked playfully again. You did not notice five sets of eyes looking directly at you and one boy whose eyes stayed on yours for the rest of the night.

   He remembers. He remembered all of it. Your letters. Your dreams. Your hair. Your smile. Your eyes. The stars. . . all of it. He didn’t need a reason, but when it comes to you, he had every reason why you were the most amazing and spectacular girl ever.

   His crows found your letters scattered on Kaz’s table when they were planning their Ice Court Heist, and he was forced to tell them who you were, (after some death glances and threatening threats.) He remembers it all like it was yesterday.

   Kaz Brekker also remembers that day, when he was alone in the sea, the body of his brother dead, as he thought of you to keep him calm, as he thought of you. . . as he made you his reason to live.

   When he was back ashore, Jordie had haunted him, and he couldn’t go back to you anymore, not knowing you had already left. And so, years later, when he’d finally become Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, he came back to that dark alley, seeing all your letters from Ravka.

   Caché dans les trous de temps d’hiver    Hidden in the holes of wintertime

   He kept all of it. Hidden. Safe. It was his one memory of you, and if that letters got destroyed, you would only be living in Kaz’s head, full of memories of Jordie and revenge, and he couldn’t bear to make that happen.

   Kaz never replied. You were safe. Alive. And that is what he wants.

   Until he saw you in the bar, until his brown eyes looked into your Y/E/C’s. Until he saw you, truly, not the girl hiding behind her window. Until he saw you close. Until you were finally there.

   And yet, Kaz still felt like you were stars and oceans away from each other. Maybe it was always like that. Darkness and distance in between you and him. Maybe it was bound to happen, either way.

   But Kaz didn’t want to believe that, and he actually convinced himself that he was cursed, never to loved, and to be loved. The memories of Jordie came flooding in, the water drowning him again.

   Until you looked back at him with that smile of yours he used to remember. One that reminded him of the stars. One that reminded him of a boy that once loved the stars and one girl who also loved the stars.

   You furrowed your eyebrows at him, and Inej Ghafa, his wraith, who was sitting across from Nina Zenik, planning the heist, looked at the frozen man on the stairs.

   She smiled softly; she knew you. Kaz would always send her to get some important letters of his on a dark alley, where you were an hour ago, and she saw you.

   Kaz was still looking at you. And you were looking at him. Now, the water was gone, Jordie’s haunting eyes were gone, and it was just you. And your wonderful smile.

    Et quand tu es seule pendant un instant     And when you’re alone for a moment

   Unbeknownst to you, you didn’t know he was the infamous Kaz Brekker, named like a boy you once knew, Kaz Rietvield, but you didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need you to know that. Kaz Brekker would fall if you left him again, and so, he approached you after composing himself.

   He was Kaz Brekker and you were Y/N L/N. Not Kaz Rietvield and Y/N L/N. 

  Kaz promised to himself he would send you notes and letters, but he couldn’t find himself to do so. He didn’t want you seeing the boy who had once loved the starry sky, now a monster full of revenge. A greedy man of power and money.

   He wanted you to remember that boy you met years ago to be the same boy. Kaz Rietvield was dead, Brekker wasn’t.

   “Would you leave me words, too? ‘Cause I feel like I’m the only one contributing to this friendship.”   “I promise, then. I will leave you words as you do.”   “Hooray! Now, look at the stars! It’s a new one! The brightest!”

   I will leave you words. You and Rietvield promised each other, but not Brekker. Oh, no. This was another love story to tell in another lifetime.

   Embrasse moi    Quand tu voudras

[crow-summoner]

Darklina Week Day 2: Role Reversal

Sun Summoner!Darkling and Shadow Summoner!Alina

Alina, a cartographer for the Ravken Army, undertakes a dangerous mission to stay by her only friend’s side. They must cross the Forge, a hellscape of intense heat and unrelenting light that has torn their country in two. Nothing can survive the Forge for long. Nothing but the monsters that call it home. Alina thinks she and Mal will make it as long as they’re together, but when their mission falls to pieces, Alina discovers something shocking about herself. She can banish light. Her powers draw the attention of the Golden General, a military leader who scares and intrigues Alina in equal measure. One thing’s for sure. Alina can’t go back to life of a mouse, and the General’s her best option to fight for something more. Can Alina save her world, or will she die trying?

Or, an AU where light powers aren’t necessarily good, and shadow powers get to be heroic. Content warning for some volcra expy related gore and some canon-consistent sprinkles of Malina at the beginning. There’s plenty of Darkles after that, now with extra sparkles.

Story under the jump

The Forge

Alina sits at the inn window, adding the last buttery yellow lines to her painting. For being such a blight against their nation, the Forge made a lovely landscape. She dons her fabrikator sunglasses, and turning her back to the unrelenting sunlight, she lifts her tented mirror up to compare her painting to the real thing. Her superior officers would kill her if they knew what she was using their equipment for, but the Forge is too bright to look at directly. Her superiors may not appreciate art, but if she’s going to risk her life for more supplies, she wants to leave a memorial for herself.

“It looks too much like a vacation spot,” Mal says, dragging up a chair so he can sit next to her. He’s already wearing his glasses and darkened veil, which will supposedly keep the Forge from boiling their eyes out and trap moisture near their faces. Alina would be happier if more than army issued fashion stood between her and certain death.

“You make a pretty bride, you know that?” Alina says instead of responding to the criticism. There were enough horrors in the Forge. She wanted make something pleasant. She places her canvas between the shelf and the wall, hoping that someone working at the inn will find it.

Mal huffs. “You wouldn’t say that if you saw the bags under my eyes. Don’t know how people sleep around here.”

Alina supposes people can get used to anything, even perpetual daylight. She secures her mirror and knives to her belt and dons her veil and gloves. She shimmies down the narrow walkway as if showing off the latest fashion. “What do you think?”

Mal makes a show of considering it, rubbing his chin under the veil. “I think the sveta will be too smitten to eat you.”

Alina tilts her head in mock coyness. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me.” She leaves it unspoken that she wishes someone else was smitten with her.

“Come on,” Mal says, taking her by the arm. “I want to be on time for once.”

By the time they reach the skiff, Alina and Mal are five minutes late. Thankfully, Alexei, her fellow cartographer, covered for her.

“You owe me,” he says, shoving her maps into her hands.

“I’ll bake you a cake,” Alina promises.

“You already owe me twelve cakes!”

“Then I’ll name my first born after you.”

Alexei snorts. “Like any of us are going to live long enough to have kids. We’re all going to be beef jerky in a few hours.”

“Squeak. Squeak, Alexei.” It’s the code their cartographers have for when Alexei’s boundless optimism is bringing them down.

Normally, Alexei would grumble but acquiesce. Today, he just stares at the skiff. “Do you really think the sveta are real?”

Alina shrugs. “What else could eat our men out there?” Admittedly, invisible creatures made of light sounded farfetched, but she’s seen the battle scars. Other soldiers had claw mark scars across their chest and spots where something inhuman had taken a bite out of them. The light could blister, burn and tan flesh, but it couldn’t do that.

“I dunno. Maybe him,” Alexei said, eyeing the golden carriage in the distance. “The Geldling.”

Alina quickly hushes him. General Kirigan tolerates others calling him the Golden General, but he does not take kindly to the Geldling. Sure, the epitaph was based on an old Kerch word for gold, but gelding is also what one did to a prized horse to keep it docile. It was as good as saying their leader is a ballless pet, and everyone knows it.  

Sure enough, one of the heartrenders lifts his veil and glares at them. He might have been handsome once, but his sour expression makes the lines on his face hard.

“Captain Herring may be rough, but he’s not a cannibal.” Alina hopes this is enough to cover over their mistake. The heartrender doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t fight them either. That suited Alina well enough.

“Watch what you say,” she whispers to Alexei. “We have to depend on these people to survive. Don’t make them mad.”

Alexei nods. “Sorry.”

Thankfully, the rest of their time at the dock goes smoothly. Soon, all the soldiers and Girsha gather inside the metal skiff, ready to take off. A tidemaker hoses them all down, making Alina feel like a drenched rat, but the water is important in such a hot place.

Alina makes sure to stand by Mal, gripping his arm for support as the skiff slides along the sand. There’s enough space to move around, but something about the lack of windows makes the room feel unbearably tight. It’s like one big coffin.

Squeak, squeak, Alina tells herself. No one’s going to die today.

The skiff rattles as they pass over marker zero. They’re officially in the Forge. The panels in the side of the skiff slide up. Rows of dark nets allow squallers to force air out without letting the light in. They’ll have to use the tinted mirrors along the sides of the skiff to direct it.

Alina fans herself, wishing the nets could ease the heat. She was drenched just minutes ago, but her uniform’s now bone dry. Sure, the tidemakers periodically release a mist from their fancy containers and push it around the cabin, but that’s like giving a starving man a single bite.

“I bet I can sweat more than you,” Mal jokes, and she’s sure it’s to help distract her. Even the dumbest man in their unit wouldn’t brag about that.

“No way. Sweat more than that heartrender over there, and you have a deal,” she whispers back. It was a hard challenge. The heartrender already smelled like he’d bathed in nothing but used socks for years.

Mal leans back in shock. “Yikes. Are you trying to kill me? I can’t beat that.”

Alexei sniffs beside them, rubbing under his veil. “My lids are scraping my eyeballs.”

Alina reaches over and slaps his hand the way she used to do with the younger kids at the orphanage. “Then stop picking at them.”

Alexei mumbles. He’s a good cartographer, but he also comes from money, and that didn’t always make for a good soldier. Alina wonders if she should have erased his name instead of Ruby’s. This mission called for two cartographers, and Ruby could withstand discomfort better than he could, but Alina wasn’t thinking rationally. Mal was going to go into the Forge by himself, and Alina needed to remove someone so she could forge her own name on the mission papers. Mal wouldn’t give Alexei a second glance, but Ruby had red hair and a slim figure. Alina couldn’t risk Mal having “glad we’re still alive” sex with her after the mission. It was petty, childish even, but Alina couldn’t help herself. If they all survive the skiff, she’ll woman up and tell Mal how she feels. Lord knows hanging in this middle ground wasn’t doing either of them any favors.  

The skiff shakes, and Alexei grabs the walls. “Saints! It’s the sveta.”

The squaller at the helm shushes him. “Just a bump. Don’t call attention to us.”

Alexei’s shoulders slump, but he retakes his position behind the squaller without another word.

Alina can’t help but lean around her squaller to peak in her mirror. She’d heard about calcified roots surviving the Forge long after the crops perished. The real thing must be prettier than the paintings. Instead of a root, Alina finds the fragments of a skull and the front of a skiff.

She steps back, her stomach sinking into her boots. It’s one thing to know the odds, but it’s another to stare the evidence in the face. Better men than them have failed to cross.

The crew stand in silence as the skiff passes the first marker. Alina gives her squaller the proper directions and distances, and soon they pass the second marker. The third. The fourth. Alina allows herself to hope. Just eleven more and they’re home free.

She scratches her arm, and flakes of dry skin come off. No wonder the skiff regulars look like leather. She’d rather go AWOL than do this again. Then again, she didn’t have be here this time either. She has no one to blame but herself.

The skiff rumbles and tilts. It’s just another bump, she assures herself, but something raps against the ceiling. The heartrenders tense up, and the squallers shift their positions.

Oh, no.

She checks on Mal just to be sure, but he’s clutching his gun tight, his head tilted up. It’s the same stance he took when he found that rabbit in a barren forest or when he was about to catch her during hide and seek. He’s sighted something, only this time, that something is stronger than them.

The squaller at the helm brings the skiff to a stop and signals for the shooters and heartrenders to take position. All the non-combat staff – cartographers included – must gather at the center. Alina takes out her knife and her tented mirror, praying she won’t have to use them.

“Protect yourselves if you must,” the squaller whispers, “but don’t get in anyone’s way.”

Alina’s never felt more useless in her life.

The skiff continues to shake, harder this time. Something whines above them. Something answers it’s call from somewhere in front of them. Another whine sounds from behind the skiff. From all sides. How many of them are out there? At least a dozen given the sheer number of cries. No one dares make a sound. The sveta are fierce, but they’re just as blind as a human in the Forge. Maybe if they don’t hear anything, they’ll get bored and hunt elsewhere.

The ceiling dents in with a clank, knocking the skiff to the right. One of the soldiers jumps at the sound, aiming where it came from. The squaller at the helm blows him away, but not in time. The shot blows a hole in the ceiling, letting the light in. The beam hits a tidemaker’s shoulders, carving a smoking black line through her kefta. She screams, tearing off the cloth to expose a blistering gash. A healer pulls her to the side as one her friends tries to stifle her screams with a damp cloth, but it’s too late. The sveta cries draw closer.

Something claws a large hole through the ceiling, the soldiers scrambling to avoid the new beams. Some squallers attempt to blow up a tarp to cover the open areas, but it stops in thin air. No. Not thin air. The tarp drapes over something Alina can’t see with her naked eye. Under the plastic, she can make out its large, pointed wings and snout.

“Blast it,” the squaller at the helm shouts, and the soldiers open fire on the creature. It whines, batting away the tarp, and then it’s gone.

For a moment, no one makes a move. The cabin is utterly silent. Then something flashes across Alina’s mirror, and the next thing she knows, the soldier beside her explodes in a splash of red. On the other side of the skiff, a healer’s hand disappears. He draws back, clutching his now bloody stump as one of the creatures screeches in triumph.

Alina backs up, though there’s nowhere left to go. Oh, saints. She should have never come here. She begs every saint she can think of to forgive whatever sin brought her to this horrible moment. Shooting her fellow man in combat. Wishing harm to the girls Mal so much as looked at. Disregarding Ana Kuya’s rules at every turn. Whatever it was, she repented. Just please don’t let her die at some monster’s hand.

The durasts burst dust in the air. It makes their own people cough, but it helps make the sveta more visible.

BAM!

Another chunk of ceiling caves in, forcing the crew to huddle along the perimeter to escape the light. Not all of them were quick enough. Several soldiers blister and peel, crying as the sveta tear off chunks of flesh from their bodies.

Alina can only stare. It’s too late for prayers. Too late to run. She should have talked Mal into fleeing while she had the chance, and now ... Alina holds out her mirror, a new hope setting in. They might not make it out, but she can at least die by Mal’s side. He has to know how she feels.

Alina slowly shifts through the chaos, dodging shots and beams of light. She finds him by the helm, taking deep breaths as he aims and shoots. Something heavy hits the floor, gurgling. Of course. Leave it to Mal to find the creatures without a mirror.

She shines her mirror in the direction the creature fell, hoping to avoid tripping its body, but to her surprise, she can just make out the sheen of its skin. The colors change as she tilts the mirror, first blue, then pink and maybe green. All the colors of the rainbow. It reminds her of looking through a prism. Not invisible then. The sveta are just reflective.

Alina giggles. Ana Kuya would be so proud of her, committing to her education even as she’s about to die. She keeps giggling over and over, knowing that if she stops, she’ll have to cry. There are just so many bodies around her. They used to be people, and now they’re meat.

Someone grabs her wrist, and a shot of energy courses through her, quieting the hysteria. Mal drags her beside him.

“I’m sorry,” she says, but he’s busy readying his next shot. “I lo – ” She doesn’t get any further. Another soldier’s bullet ricochets off the wall and hits Mal in the shoulder. He doubles over, his gun clattering to the floor.

Alina drops her mirror, pressing a palm against the wound. The blood seeps from between her fingers no matter how hard she tries to stop the flow.

Mal slides to the floor, Alina crouching beside him. The light streams against them, burning her chest and his back. The pain means nothing compared to the loss.

“No. Not like this,” she says, covering Mal’s body with her own.

The pain in her back only lasts a second. It occurs to her that this is not a good thing. It means her nerves have been eaten away, but she’s glad to do it if it means Mal can live.

Something rumbles in the pit of her stomach. She feels like she’s going to burst, and she doesn’t have the strength to fight it.

All around her, the creatures cry and flap their wings erratically. She doesn’t have time think about it as the world goes dark, sinking her into a deep oblivion.

 *****************************

 Alina wakes, draped over someone’s shoulder, face buried in the red cloth of his kefta. She only lifts her head for one moment, but the light’s unbearable.

The light?

“Mal,” Alina shouts. She wiggles to free herself from the Grisha’s grip. The sveta will come back at any moment. She has to find Mal. Protect him. Where is he?

But they’re not on the skiff anymore. They’re back at the dock, the skiff a shredded husk. People rush every which way, some tending to the wounded and some salvaging the cargo from the hold. Mal could be anywhere among them. Then Alina catches sight of the ground. Oh, saints! So many people lay unmoving on the dock, and Grisha and First Army soldiers keep dragging out more. All these people she trained with. Ate with. Sung bawdy songs with when they’d all had too much kvas. Dead. They can’t all be gone. Right? Right?

Alina kicks at the Grisha. She needs to see for herself who made it out. Mal better be among them. Of course, he would be. He was the best tracker Ravka’s ever seen. He’d always find his way back home. Home to her.

The Grisha swears at her, trying to stop her feet with one arm. “Be still.” She recognizes him. The heartrender that had sneered at Alexei’s comment earlier. Alina drives a fist in the heartrender’s back. If Grisha like him had done more they wouldn’t be in the situation. He did it on purpose, didn’t he? He let their soldiers die because someone spoke against his leader. His pride meant more than the supplies they’d get from West Ravka. More than human life.

“Fine.” With a huff, the Grisha drops her flat on her butt, sand puffing in her face. She’s coughing too much to fight him off when the heartrender takes her by her bicep and drags her towards the camp. Another heartrender takes her other arm, his grip gentler than his coworker’s.

“Was that necessary, Ivan?” The second heartrender asked.

Ivan only grunts “Fedyor” as a warning in response. Fedyor shakes his head with what Alina would call fondness if she thought anyone could be fond of something as sour as Ivan.

“Where’s Mal?” Alina asks Fedyor, but he only lifts a brow. Of course, he wouldn’t recognize the name of a common solider. There were so many of them, and Grisha only concerned themselves with their own. “The boy I was with on the skiff.”

“Ah. Him,” Fedyor says. “The First Army tends to their own wounded. He’s in their care.”

Alina knows what that means. He’s laying outside the infirmary tent, waiting for his turn to have an undertrained medic pour alcohol in his wounds then pack them with mustard plaster. If he’s lucky, they’ll still have enough bandages for him to get his own. Having to use the scraps from old uniforms inevitably led to infection, and without supplies from the west, the camp outpost could not provide the steady diet of alcohol needed to survive that misery. Mal is popular, though. She’s sure someone will be willing to sacrifice their stash for his comfort.

Then it occurs to her that she’s not doing the same thing. She’d been horribly burned by the light, and yet her back doesn’t ache. Someone must have removed her jacket while Alina was unconscious, but her undershirt is scorched where the light hit it. Her chest is unusually red, but it’s not blistering or charred. The worst she can say is that she feels like she’s been awake for days.

“Why would someone heal me?” She’s heard it a thousand times before. Healers were too rare to waste on common soldiers. They were for Grisha and those wealthy enough to be a priority. She is neither, and yet when she looks up at Fedyor, he’s gazing down at her with some feeling she dares not define. It was the same look the Grisha gave the golden carriage when it barreled into the encampment. The same look the peasants near Keramzin gave the bones of Saint Felix on his day of worship. If she didn’t know better, she’d call it reverence.

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity when he finally says, “We survived.” Alina doesn’t know what she has to do with that. It was luck. Pure and simple. But then Fedyor closes his eyes and whispers, “Thank you.”

A chill runs through Alina despite the heat. She looks at the tents, the people running around them, anywhere and everywhere but at Fedyor and that look, full of expectations she can never fill. They’ve long since passed the First Army section, but they’re now leaving the main Grisha area, heading up the northmost path. There’s nothing there except for the single yellow tent towering over the rest of the encampment.

Alina pulls back, but it does nothing to stop the heartrenders. “What does the General want with me?”

“Just answer his questions, so we call all get on with our day,” Ivan says.

“I don’t know anything! Let go of me!” She turns to look back at the First Army camp, too far away for anyone to see her let alone help. Not that they could do anything if they wanted to. No one says no to the General.

Fedyor grips the back of her neck, and her whole body turns to puddy. The heartrenders lean into her, holding her upright because her knees can no longer bear her weight. She’s too relaxed to move at all.

Ivan sniffs. “You weren’t supposed to do that for anyone but me.”

Fedyor grins. “Sorry, luv. Desperate times and all that.”

They march her straight into the lion’s den.

She doesn’t know what she expected to see. A jeweled throne and a menagerie of exotic animals like the ones she’d seen in the illustrated book of fairy tales back at the orphanage? Enemy soldiers kept in cages and chained otkazat’sya serving the Grisha like the Fjerdan pamphlet a traveler tried to give them before Ana Kuya kicked them off the duke’s property? But this place resembled the main tent for the First Army. Soldiers clustered together around a round table. A large map hung from a board, thread and pegs marking paths, places and interesting parties. And yet the General’s tent was larger than theirs, made of bulletproof core cloth while they had to make do with spun cotten. They must not need to ration oil either given the number of lamps lit, and the gathered Grisha shone like banners in their blue, red and purple keftas. No olive drab for them.

Most of the room turned to face them when the heartrenders dragged Alina in. Some now look at her with open curiosity and others with incredulous expressions. Soft mummers pass through the crowd until someone raises their hand, and the whole lot fall silent. Saints, Alina never heard a tent so quiet before. Even during lights out, at least one person snored.

Without needing to be told, the Grisha step back, parting down the center to make a path. A lone man strides forward, his telltale yellow kefta billowing around him. Notes of silver, white and gold weave through it, enough thread to stitch three tents of this size together, but he’s not wearing the jewelry she’d expect from his high rank, and his clothes are core cloth like any other Grisha. She’s never seen a high officer without any silk on, no matter how impractical it might be. After all, most never saw battle. Not like this one had.

The Golden General is younger than she’d expected given what others said about him. She’d seen a shriveled man with boney hands covered in warts in her mind’s eye, but this man barely had a decade on her, and his warm blonde hair and fair, flawless complexion were pleasing on the eyes. Too pleasing. Even the most beautiful boy back home had some freckle or ruddiness to his skin, but the General’s looks almost painted on. It’s eerie, and yet she can’t look away. He’s like the very embodiment of the light, except there’s a coldness in his gaze and calm comportment.

He may be light, but he’s not warmth.

That right, she tells herself. Ana Kuya warned her about such things before. One of the orphans she’d grown up with saw a gold coin glittering in some bushes under a hill. He’d climbed down for it, only to be rolled by some travelers. They took the buttons from his coat and the boots from his feet. He came home with nothing but his pants and a gash on his forehead. Ana Kuya warned them all then: not all that’s gold glitters. Sometimes, it burns instead. Gold tempts the desperate, but Alina is not blind. The General only looked like a man. He can boil someone’s insides. Make their flesh rot from their bone as if they were already dead.  Burn them with a glance. And here he is, looking straight at her.

The General stops a few feet away and clasps his hands behind his back. He looks her over, and she doesn’t know whether to be scared or grateful that she can’t read what conclusions he’s drawn. He nods at the heartrenders, and Fedyor rubs the back of Alina’s neck. Her limbs come back to life, panic rising from her core. She wants to run, but there’s no point.

The General stares at her, impassive, and then finally: “Is it true?”

For a moment, Alina believes the absurd. He’s read her thoughts and knows what she said about him being a monster. Then it occurs to her that he’s talking about the skiff. She closes her eyes. What does he want her to say? She was unconscious for most of what went down, and she can barely remember what she was present for. Flashes of her coworker’s blood and blistering arms intrude behind her closed lids, forcing them open again. Maybe it’s best she can’t remember.

She must have taken too long to answer because the General speaks again. “Is it true that you can banish the light?”

All Alina can do is blink. This has to be a joke, but the General’s expression is serious, and everyone around them is leaning in with anticipation. She knows better than to laugh in their faces and question their intelligence, so she makes do by stuttering, “No one can do that.” It takes a moment, but she remembers to add a quick “sir.” She’s not used to being around anyone important.

She braces herself for him to yell at her the way the generals in their army do, but he merely nods. “Then what did happen?”

Alina struggles for an answer. She tries to tell him that she doesn’t know how the sveta got in, or how their ship made it, but no matter what she says, she keeps returning to those burning soldiers. The General frowns, and she knows she needs to come up with something – anything – to appease him.

The General raises a hand to silence her, and when he speaks, his tone is smooth and calm. “It must have been scary out there. It’s one thing to read about the attacks, but it’s another to live it.”

Alina hadn’t expecting any sympathy, so she just nods.

“You must be exhausted.” When Alina nods again, the General continues. “It’s hard to make sense of anything when you hurt so much. I could help with that if you’ll let me.” He gestures beside him, inviting her closer.

He may have asked for permission, but Alina isn’t sure she really has a choice. Still, he’s been nothing but polite so far. She has nothing to lose by playing along.

Alina slowly closes the gap between them, and the closer she gets, the closer she wants to get. It’s like he’s a magnet, and she’s loose filigree coming together for the first time. She feels the warmth now, not in his continence, but all around him. It doesn’t burn. It doesn’t tingle. It numbs the heaviness of her limbs and banishes the panic that’s haunted her since the skiff penetrated the Forge. Before she knows it, Alina’s pressed up against the General. She’s vaguely aware that it’s not appropriate to stand so close to a superior, and it’s definitely not safe to be within biting distance of a monster, but it feels right. She doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

The General doesn’t seem to mind either, staring deep into her eyes like he’s trapped, too. Her reflection stares back at her in his eyes. They’re just so bright and shiny. She has a hard time placing the color. It reminds her of one of the duke’s vases. The blown glass was iridescent and shimmered with every color around it. She and Mal had argued for years over what color it really was. He said purple. She said green. They finally settled things with a good arm wrestle. Green won, of course. Alina decides that the General’s eyes are green, too.

“May I?” He asks, and though she can’t see where he’s pointing, she answers his unspoken request, sliding her hand in his. His palms are rough from life on the road, but they’re warm, and his grip os gentler than Fedyor’s had been. She could hold his hand and stare into his eyes forever.

“What happened?” The General asks in a voice softer than silks.

The words spill out of Alina on their own. She tells him about forging her name on the staff list. The attack. Shielding Mal. The sveta descending on them, and then – “All I could look at was him, but I could feel the light getting sucked away. Everything went black, and then I woke up on the docks.”

The General says nothing, but his eyes briefly narrow. It’s not a threat as far as Alina can tell. Whatever she said seemed to confirm something for him. The General pushes up her sleeve with his free hand, never breaking her gaze. She doesn’t fight it. She’s curious, too. Something happened back on that skiff. It’s there lurking there in the back of her brain, begging to be revealed. She knows once it’s free, it can never be caged again. The thought simultaneously thrills her and makes her shiver.

The General trails one finger up her arm. Something inside her responds to act, rejoices in it. His finger stops and curls around her forearm. She notes that the nail on his thumb is longer than the others. Sharp. He drives that nail into her flesh, and it’s like a thousand arms stream out of her at once.

Darkness surrounds them, putting out the lights. No, the lamps are still on. She can feel their flames licking at the shadows just as easily as she can feel the General’s grip on her arm. All around them, the Grisha shout. She can’t see them so much as she feels where they are in the dark. It the strangest sensation, and yet it feels like home. Everything is darkness.

Everything but him.

The General glows, smiling down at her. A true lamp would illuminate the world around them, but there he stands, the sole bright spot in the blackness. Standing together, it feels like they’re the only two people in the world. Then the General lets go of her arm and the darkness withers, fading into the ground or retreating under Alina’s skin to fight another day.

Alina clutches her chest, suddenly empty inside. Her head swivels every which way, desperate to find that surety again, but it’s gone. The aches have returned, magnified tenfold. She can barely keep herself upright, and soon, she’s on her knees, her head swimming.

“A shadow summoner,” some squaller says, and it’s as if a dam broke in Alina’s mind. She stares at her rough, ruddy hands. They’re not the hands of a hero, and yet it’s true. It’s all true. She can banish the light. She saved the skiff from the Forge.

She’s … Grisha.

Alina frowns, remembering what Mal said when that Grisha girl made eyes at him from the General’s carriage. He doesn’t tumble witches. Alina was glad to hear it then. It meant less competition for her, and she and Mal had exchanged plenty of digs at the Grisha over the years. Surely, he wouldn’t think she’s like the rest of them just because she has powers. She didn’t grow up coddled and self-important like the rest of them. That had to count for something. He knew her. The real her. He wouldn’t be scared of her because of her shadows.

No matter how hard Alina tries, she can’t bring herself to believe it.

The General holds out his hand. Alina stares up at him, sure she should bat it away. She’s not one of his Grisha. She’s a mapmaker and an orphan and Mal’s best friend. But that may not be true anymore, and she’d be a fool to burn any bridges.

She takes his hand, letting the General lift her to her feet. He pulls her close again, so close she can feel his breath against her face. She should let go, but she clings to his hand like it’s the last safe ledge in a rockslide. He gives her a knowing smirk, and she wants to wipe it off his stupid face. She’s had a rough day. She would have clung to literally anybody, but then the General leans in, and she feels that warmth again. His lips brush her ear as he whispers, “You and I are going to change the world.”

Notes:

Whoo! This is my first Grishaverse fanfic. It may be a little late, but it’s here. One shot for now, but I might be interested in continuing this in the future. Hope you enjoyed!

[amiramorozova]

Dual summoner and the darkling pt. 8

The next morning I didn't want to get out of bed with everything that happened last night. I held onto my pillow and covered my face. When my eyes closed all I could think about was the kiss last night. Had he intended to do that from the beginning of seeing my powers or had he always suspected me since I came there. These questions were always in my mind and all the big training Baghra wanted to do outside her training area was put off due to being in secret. I laid there even though breakfast had come and gone when I heard a knock on the door. 

"Yes?" I said looking up from the pillow 

The door opened and revealed Nadia and Marie with some of the breakfast from this morning. I didn't want to get up and they seemed to notice as they came over to me and set the breakfast down. Marie had me sit up where she noticed my blush on my face and I covered my face with my hands. I had so many emotions going through me at once it wasn't even funny at the moment. 

"What happened?" Marie asked

"He found out." I said 

"Who found out? found out what?"Nadia said

"General Kirigan. He found out I'm a dual summoner." I said 

I couldn't see their faces but they probably were shocked and then I felt one of them remove my hands seeing I was uneasy. I knew I promised to tell them if anything happened but this was so unexpected with everything that had gone on. I just wanted to sit there but I saw they brought me breakfast and I ate while I decided what to tell them.

"What did General Kirigan do?" Marie asked

"He used his shadows to make the hallway dark. I had to use the light." I said 

"Do you think he suspected you since he met you again?" Nadia asked

"Possibly. I was struggling in front of him." I said 

"Did anything else happen?" Marie asked "You've been slightly blushing since we got in here."

I nodded as I ate but I still didn't know if I wanted to tell them when it was still sort of wrong to think such things. Then I remembered I did promise them I would tell them and a promise was a promise no matter what so I had to get the courage up to tell them. I knew he probably wouldn't say anything to the 2nd army unless they found out about me somehow.

"He kissed me last night." I said 

Marie and Nadia both gasped and though Nadia I suspected was into women I never actually asked. Nadia just sat by me seeing I was still in my kefta, I hadn't taken it off all night and she helped adjust it on me to look like I hadn't slept in it. I was going through a whole  thing of emotions at the moment. 

"Did you kiss him back?" Marie asked

"I did." I said 

"Aw. Shadow and Sun, Forbidden from being in love and yet something might start." Marie teased 

"Remind me to tease you back when you get a boyfriend. Oh wait, I don't have one." I said 

"yet." Marie teased

I just shook it off as I finished eating then got up as I brushed my hair a bit. I looked at them and my room for a minute knowing this room was fit for a normal tidemaker. Would my room change if I were to be found out? Would I be in the other wing closer to the general's room if it was? I smacked myself some to snap me out of those thoughts.

"Amira!" Nadia and Marie said 

"I am never going to be someone's pet. If anyone ever tries to control me or my power I will fight back." I said before looking at myself in the mirror. 

I am starting to see the dual summoner Amira and not the tidemaker Amira anymore in my reflection. Nine years of hiding has left me a bit bitter maybe...maybe this is what I need to feel freer. I thought 

"Let's go out and train with the others. Maybe you'll feel better about this whole thing." Marie said 

I wasn't sure but I let them talk me into it and followed them down where everyone seemed distracted. We were working on hand-to-hand combat without powers and I needed to get some of this out of me so I was willing to fight. When Botkin chose me and Zoya I prepared for this cause I knew that she was the general's favorite. 

not anymore it seems. I thought 

We went up against each other as I was able to see her move for move as people were watching us. I was glad it was without powers cause I knew my tidemaker powers wouldn't work with her squaller powers. I was keeping up in this way but I knew there was so much more going on. When I landed a blow on her and knocked her down she seemed pissed. I hadn't realized she was also one of the people who was Jealous of the general showing attention toward me. I saw her angry look and suddenly she put her hands together. 

oh no. I thought 

I put my hands together to defend but I wasn't focusing on the whole situation at hand as I just used whatever came to mind first. As she used air I was quick to surround myself with light and her air was cut in half by the light. I looked down at her while it shined around me protecting me and I realized I had used the wrong one but the water wouldn't have done much at all. Zoya got up and looked at me in shock as I refused to let the light go. 

"You're a sun summoner? But you're a tidemaker." Zoya said 

"I am." I said 

"A dual summoner?!" Botkin said 

well the secret is out of the bag. I thought 

Marie and Nadia approached and they were able to get in my light as it surrounded all three of us. Marie and Nadia were ready to defend off any of their fellow 2nd army Grisha if they had to but refused to let the light down. 

"You two knew?" Zoya asked

"Of course we did. She confided in us for her own secret." Marie said 

"You can let it down, Amira." Nadia said 

I hesitated but let the light go down as I figured everything was safe. I was wrong though as tidemakers were using water on me and it wasn't an easy attack. I covered myself to try to hold their attacks off but Nadia got in front and used her own tidemaker abilities to stop them.

"She is Grisha like we all are." Nadia said "So she is different from the rest of us, she didn't ask to be this way. She only hid it because that was what she was told to do."

"She could have come clean from the beginning." One of the tidemakers said 

I was going to say something when I felt two presences close by. One I knew was the general the other was Baghra and they were heading in this direction. I could tell that word must have spread about what had just happened but then General Kirigan already knew. 

"I told her not to." Baghra said, getting everyone's attention "You all know what would happen if anyone knew of a sun summoner in the little palace. A lot of responsibility to tear down the fold, she's worked hard but that power is nowhere near enough to tear it down." 

"Well Baghra, it seems you broke protocol." General Kirigan said as he looked down at her "You are supposed to tell me. Her Kefta is all wrong for her, she needs a new design." 

I felt intimidated by the fact they were both there but I knew there was so much more going on than anyone else was going to. Baghra and General Kirigan seemed to have tension between them as they didn't seem eye to eye but relatives had that thing. I knew the truth that somehow they were related. 

"Amira Silina, come here." General Kirigan said 

I looked at him as I stood there but looked at Baghra who just nodded as I walked over to him. He put his hand out to me and I looked back at Nadia and Marie as they smiled at me. I hesitated but put my hand in his as he started to lead me away.

"Baghra, you've trained her well. She's an excellent tidemaker and I'm sure her sun summoner abilities are just as strong." General kirigan said 

Where is he taking me? I thought 

We walked into the little palace as I was questioning everything in my head after last night. Watching where he was going I calmed down seeing he was taking me to be seen by a healer. Well it was probably best water was a weapon of it's own and I knew that it could bruise even with a bulletproof Kefta. As we walked in, some healers looked at the two of us.

"General Kirigan." The healers said 

"Amira was attacked by the other tidemakers, will you make sure she is unharmed?" General kirigan said 

"Yes sir." the healers said 

They had me remove the kefta and then they started to look over my arms and see what was going on. I was glad I had always prepared for when I had to remove the kefta. I could feel the tingling of the bruises that were starting to fade away. It didn't bother me so much but now I had to be on alert. 

"You probably wonder what is going to happen?" General Kirigan said 

"Yes." I said 

"I'll try to postpone having to bring you to the King and Queen for as long as I can. You'll be moved to a different room and Genya will be there to help you." General Kirigan said 

"my things in my old room?" I asked

"Your friends will be allowed to visit you and bring them to you." General Kirigan said 

I questioned his objective of this whole thing but once the healers were done I knew there was so much more than what he was saying. 

"A new Kefta will be brought to you tomorrow or the next day. You'll stay in the little palace until you have it." General Kirigan said 

so now I'm bound to the inside of the little palace for a day or two. I thought 

[blacklister214]

Shadow and Bone: Missed Opportunities *Spoilers*

I just speed read the Shadow and Bone trilogy. My main interest here was what was going on with Ben Barnes’ character from the trailer. In my brief little popover to the tumblr thread prior to my reading I’ve found he (The Darkling) is quite the divisive figure. Now I have passion for redemption arcs particularly involving those with romantic relationships, so I dived in. I was...disappointed. I can’t support Darklina as written, but I also understand why readers latched on to this couple rather than the cannon ship.   

Malina falls a bit short as a great romance:

1) The deep emotional bonds between them aren’t formed in the present. Their love for each other has its roots in their childhood, which we don’t see much of. Readers have an easier time investing in relationships we can watch develop.   

 2) They don’t ever function as equals until the end of the trilogy. Alina is beneath Mal, then Mal is beneath Alina. They always feel like they belong on separate paths. They seem to be more holding each other back than helping each other grow.

3) Their “attraction” is iffy to me. In the first book it seems like Mal doesn’t realize he’s interested in Alina romantically until after she’s taken away. Later he says he’s always been into her but didn’t act on it because she was his best friend. Hmmm...yeah.

4) All the book 2 whining and jealousy. Stop guilting her about wanting to save the world! Also yes, she likes her super powers. Please stop shaming her for it! You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy being Mr. Universally popular super-tracker dude. Oy. 

I’m not saying it’s a bad relationship to include, just not one with ENDGAME written clearly all over it.

Darklina for me is truly a missed opportunity. I can’t support the ship for six reasons: 

1) Tried the kill Mal, rather than imprisoning him.

2) Enslaved Alina. Literal collar. Very bad.

3)  Massacred a village of innocents, including babies.

4) Blinded his mother rather than imprisoning her.

5) Got into bed with Alina in the guise of Mal. That’s entering rape-adjacent territory, and that is NOT where we want to be.  

6) Literally told her he would kill everyone she loved so she’d have no choice but to turn to him eventually. 

Yes these reasons are quite a bit more serious than the problems with Malina, HOWEVER, you make some adjustments and you’ve got yourself a truly compelling dynamic. 

Darkling should have been the antagonist of book 1 and at least part of book two, but not the series, in my opinion. Here’s why:

Darkling was right about the crap situations in their world. Kids being drafted at 16? Grisha being sold as slaves or burned alive in other countries? Grisha having to bow to a lazy idiot rapist King? 

The Darkling seizing control in a coup and killing that asshole? He can come back from that. Sending Grisha to massacre members of the Grisha slavery guilds and executioners in foreign cities? He can come back from that. Throwing Mal, his mother, and/or Alina into a cell (rather than the blinding and attempted murder)? He can come back from that. The lies and manipulation? He can come back from that. 

You could even have him do the thing with Alina’s power, just switch the target to an enemy armada. He can come back from that because they are enemy combatants, not civilians and particularly not children. It’s like the Cut thing at the beginning of book 1 when he asks if it is really different  to use a sword to kill someone? Honestly it’s not. It would by Darkling’s reasoning be a better choice for gaining wide spread acceptance of the coup because such a display of power decisively can force a surrender from Ravka’s enemies. 

Alina’s power being used to mass slaughter in a single stroke would horrify her and create the necessary push back for her to break free, so that book could keep its ending. Eventually though I think its something she would have been able to understand and accept if not forgive.

So much could have been kept. The remote conversations (minus the bed crawling thing). The mutual betrayal angst. Darkling’s absolute loneness. 

All that had to be done was for a genocide purge to be kickstarted. Some misalliance on Alina’s part against the Darkling goes wrong and either the Priest or a human rulers decides the only way to hold on to power is to wipe out the Grisha. This way they need to re-unite and push back the threat. Ends with both of them surrendering their power in the final fight or as part of the peace agreement that is struck.   

I don’t know, its just I feel the whole “Fine. Make me the villain” thing could really have paid off in the end. Just my opinion. 

[sheikah]

Hello! I'm sorry to ask this, but can you explain what spoilers you mean and the thing with Darklina? I just read the first book in the series; only managed to finish it because of The Darkling - love him. But I stopped reading the series/world after that one. So I'm a bit unsure if you mean spoilers regarding the books or the show? I'm a little late to the part. Reason for asking as an anon is because I got blocked by another when I asked a question about The Darkling...

Wow, someone blocked you for asking a question about the Darkling? I honestly don’t know how some people get through life being this sensitive haha... Relatively speaking he’s far from the worst villain out there??? 

Anyway, sorry it took so long to answer this. I wanted to get some distance from the spoilers so my answer wouldn’t be so emotional haha. Spoilers for ROW under the cut. Also, since you say you’ve just read the first book, I’ll be making brief mention of key plot moments from Siege and Storm and Ruin and Rising as well, so those would be spoiled for you, anon!

We don’t have all of Rule of Wolves yet, obviously, but people with early review copies posted photographs of pages on Twitter, and I’ll link them below

From those pages, we can gather the following:

The Darkling (as we know from the ending of King of Scars) has returned in Yuri’s body but basically looks and sounds like his old self.

A darkness/blight much like the Fold is spreading and killing. Nikolai and Zoya need the Darkling’s help with combatting it because of his magical power/past experience with merzost.

In the early parts of the book they keep him prisoner in a cell flooded with sunlight to prevent him from summoning shadows.

At some point during the story they trust him enough to release him. They bargain with him. He will help them in exchange for a meeting with Alina Starkov. Bear in mind that prior to this Alina would have assumed him dead.

They are concerned by this request but they agree. In the Darkling’s POV he muses that he needs to meet with her to “get his power back” or something. Not sure how this make sense since Alina lost her own powers. 

Anyway, so far, none of the above bothers me at all. But then...

When they meet with Alina it’s one of the most bizarre and OOC encounters I could imagine. Mal is there, and the Darkling randomly, out of nowhere, comments on how they’re related and Mal is like “lol we all hate our relatives amirite???”

Alina’s reaction to seeing the Darkling again is... no reaction at all. She doesn’t seem shocked, happy, upset, nothing. This man who loomed so large in her life and her destiny, this man she was forced to murder in Ruin and Rising... is BACK FROM THE DEAD, and everyone is just sitting around like it’s afternoon tea.

The Darkling looks at her and comments that she looks different. Here is the first thing to really and truly pisses me off: Alina says the reason she looks different is because she’s happy now and “[he] never really saw her that way.” As in, Alina was never once happy around the Darkling. If you just read Shadow and Bone, you know this is obviously not even remotely true. But it isn’t treated like a lie from Alina in the narrative. It’s treated like the truth the big, bad Darkling deserves to hear from her. 

Eventually they come to an agreement and the Darkling agrees to help at the cost of his own life. [Here is where I want to interject something. I’ve seen a lot of people insinuate that Darkling stans are upset because Leigh killed the villain of her story. In other words, they’re suggesting that we’re stupid for being upset because obviously villains die. I just want to say for the record that I 100% expected the Darkling to die in Rule of Wolves. That is not the issue here.]

Before the Darkling sacrifices himself (something that is, at least, somewhat framed as a selfless act to save Grisha and Ravkans), some truly odd writing from Leigh. First, he tells a whole bunch of people his real name. No one asked??? He just tells everyone. A lot of Darklinas are angry because prior to this, his name was a secret only known by Alina. It was something they shared, an intimacy, and it was significant because in “Demon in the Wood,” the Darkling’s backstory, we see the target his true name put on his back all his life, and that Baghra cautioned him to tell no one. So him telling Alina was a gesture of trust. Him telling everyone destroys that.

The second weird thing about the death scene is that he basically screams something along the lines of, “I’m not sorry.” Again, this feels so weird. Like deliberate spite from Leigh. Making sure not to redeem him before killing him off.

So I don’t know all the magical/lore details, but when the Darkling sacrifices himself it is in some ritual where his body is pierced and mutilated by a bunch of magical tree branches??? Supposedly he will continue to exist this way in some sort of eternal super-hell where he just suffers in pain without dying forever, all to keep the darkness from spreading. Zoya and Nikolai bear witness.

This last part is the part that upsets me the most, more than anything else I guess. So later, at the end of the book, Zoya is with Genya and Alina. Zoya reveals that she’s been having nightmares wherein she sees things from the Darkling’s point of view--destryoing Novokribirsk, etc. She realizes how easy it could be to lose yourself with the kind of power the Darkling--and now Zoya herself--possesses. She wonders if he really deserves this eternal and unimaginable suffering and torture. Zoya proposes letting him out to mercy kill him. Genya and Alina are doubtful, but even Genya is swayed before Alina is. And this is the heart of the issue for me. Zoya, who loathes the Darkling more than anyone, is the one having mercy and taking pity on him, while Alina is utterly apathetic to his suffering. Alina, who wept openly over his body and held him as he died. Alina, who honored his last wishes and saw to it that he had a funeral of honor alongside what the people believed to be a literal saint in Ruin and Rising. Alina, who struggled with wanting and feeling for him all the way to the end of the trilogy, whose last word in the trilogy was his name. Alina, who had compassion for the animals she had to kill for the amplifiers. That is Alina Starkov. But the Alina Starkov in Rule of Wolves is completely unaffected when this man she seemingly used to love is being tortured literally forever. She couldn’t care less. And so all of this together feels like a deliberate slight to Darklinas, and that’s why we’re angry. 

Anyway, Alina eventually agrees that the Darkling can be freed and killed, so Zoya says they’re going to replace the Darkling with the relic heart of a saint or something, and hire Kaz to steal it. So SOC3 is coming.

We did get one tiny crumb of Darklina. In the Darkling’s POV, he admits to himself that the real reason he wants to see Alina again is because “with her, he was human again.” He also ponders on why she was always able to defeat him and best him, and thinks that it’s because of something more than her stubbornness and bravery: “something he knew the name of a hundred lifetimes ago.” Most people are interpreting this as him finally admitting to himself that he loved her. It’s something!

Pics for reference.

[ladymelisande]

it's so exhausting every time an anti insert themselves in darklina posts they have question why we ship them and if you humor them they'll just end up dropping the Gen!a bomb.

It's like they forget the entire story takes place in a wartime. Sure, gifting Gen!a isn't morally right. But to have a child keep an eye and spy on the queen is smart.

Plus, how exactly was he supposed to know the king was a pervert? I'm not saying we should forget what he did. But for the love of God, he's the villain? He's a general? He's priority as the general people not every single individual

Honestly, Gen/ya is not even a character anymore, she is a shock value tool. She exists so we can remember that she was a victim and that it was the Darkling's fault. Her design might be cool but to this day she remains a very boring, two-dimensional concept of a character. I literally can't give a shit about her because, from a reading perspective, what is interesting about her? She is only there to be pretty or tragic, to be Alina's bestie or to be a victim, that's it, that's her entire function in the story.

Antis are over emotional and idiotic and they fall exactly for LB's shock value trap, G/enya, the masacre in the Little Palace, all of that are fucking shock value tools that she uses because she knows the audience will be too busy reacting to think if they make sense at all.

I actually liked her before the Darkling reveal, because even when we knew what the King did, she seemed to be steadfast and fighting for her cause. After that she is just a victim, that's it, oh and a mouthpiece too. What journey does she have? Poisoning the king? The bastard is still alive in ROW and she blames the Darkling instead of him, so... Okay? Whatever? I don't care? You stayed in the palace because you wanted justice and yet you're not going to take it at full term? Pffff.

Gifting Gen/ya to the Queen as a servant is not illegal Imao, the girl for all we know is what, a peasant? By historical context, working directly with the monarchs is the biggest job someone can dream of. A peasant girl in a well written story would kill for the opportunity because the salary would allow her to feed her family. People should be jealous of Gen/ya being the Queen's Tailor, and as his mentor that is the best thing the Darkling could do for her if she is not exactly someone that can be used for combat. Whoever the King was aside. Why do people think that noble family threw their kids at monarchs to gain position at court?

... But of course, G/enya is not that, she is not a character in a coherent story, she is a shock value tool in a story that has less historical context than Bridgerton.

(And don't get me started with the fucking ridiculous infighting inside the Second Army and how the other Grisha act all Mean Girls against G/enya. By that point I am nearly willing to call her a Sympathy Sue. Another evidence of how Bardugo doesn't know how armies work).

Also, yeah, the Darkling had no way to know, but that doesn't matter, does it? LB has decided that he is guiltier than the actual rapist, because fuck logic, I guess. Which is hilarious because if she wanted to do a point about powerful men so much. Why not just use the King? What is gonna change if she doesn't blame the Darkling and instead blames the actual rapist? The point still stands because the King is a powerful man.

... Oh yeah, people wouldn't hate the Darkling and use Ge/nya as a reason like the tool she is. My bad.

I can forget about this, out of spite, because Bardugo and the antis rub it on my face and I just... Don't care anymore. It's obvious that is just shock value, I just don't care. I am not gonna defend the Darkling's actions from the Evil Deeds Jar™ because they are just stupid shock value, the end.

[beblade-a]

what they say: mal raised in the little palace would be terrifying. what they mean: malyen oretsev only spent a handful of months in os alta during s&s.   in that time,  he managed to find ways to not only hold his own against grisha in combat,  but to defeat them.   he wasn't even at his best in those moments,  conflicted in his feelings for alina and the fear that he'll lose her.   but a mal that spent his whole life under the darkling,  believing in the general's mission with no attachments to anyone and very aware of his status as an amplifier that made him a target to anyone wanting to wear his bones?   he would have had years to learn,  and a very clear understanding of how grisha work after being surrounded with them for so long.   he could become a grisha's worst nightmare.