#he desired connections but honestly he was scared of being hurt

[dalvs-wife]

i have thoughts about dalv's parents if you even care............

[kvrokasaa]

The Morning After

Includes: Isagi, Otoya, Reo, Chigiri, and Rin

Cw: Suggestive, Reo's mentions reader's hair being kinda long, not proofread. 1.4k words

Yoichi wakes up to the soft glare of the sun filtering through the blinds. He blinks a few times, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. The events of last night come rushing back to him - the laughter, the touches, the connection. He turns his head slightly and sees you lying next to him, still peacefully asleep.

A soft, almost inaudible chuckle leaves his lips while he takes in the serenity of the scene. Your hair is sprawled out on the pillow, your arms clutching the poor thing for dear life.

Cute.

Carefully, Isagi slips out of bed, trying not to wake you. He stretches, feeling the pleasant soreness from last night's activities. He moves quietly, deciding to make coffee and prepare a simple breakfast. As he waits for the coffee, he glances back towards the bedroom, his thoughts drifting. Last night felt different than any other one-night stand. It felt special. There was a connection between you both. It makes him feel both excited and nervous about what could come next.

You stir awake at the smell of coffee - the aroma drawing you out of your slumber. You stretch and sit up, the blanket slipping down to your waist.

You notice Isagi in the kitchen - with no shirt on - making breakfast and coffee. You could almost drool at the sight. "Morning," you say softly, your voice a bit raspy from all the moaning and screaming from the night before.

Isagi turns his face lighting at the sight of you in his shirt and nothing else. "Good morning," he replies, his voice gentle. "I made some coffee. Want a cup?"

You nod and reach out to grab the cup filled with coffee. Isagi speaks as you put in your desired creams and sugars. "Last night was amazing," he started, "I'd love to see where this can go." And of course, you have no other answer than yes.

You wake up with a start, the early morning light filtering through the curtains. As the events from last night come rushing back, you feel a mix of exhilaration and anxiety. You turn your head to see Otoya still asleep beside you, his face relaxed and peaceful. For a moment, you just watch him, trying to sort through your tangled thoughts and feelings.

You've known Otoya since you were kids, but his reputation as a player makes your heart ache with uncertainty. Was last night just another fleeting moment for him? Does he have a girlfriend? The doubts gnaw at you, making it hard to breathe.

Carefully, you slip out of bed, trying not to wake him. You move quietly around the room, gathering your clothes and getting dressed as quickly and silently as possible. You hope to leave before he wakes up, to spare yourself any potential heartbreak.

Just as you reach the door, you hear a rustle behind you. You freeze, your heart pounding.

"Leaving so soon?" Otoya's voice is soft, but it startles you. You turn to see him standing behind you, his eyes half-open but focused on you. "I-I should go," you stammer, not meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just..." You trail off.

"I'm scared. You have a reputation and I don't want to get hurt. What if you have another girl? What if last night didn't mean anything to you?" You voice your thoughts. It's a drawl, you think. Either your friendship is ruined forever, or you let him break your heart in silence.

He steps closer, his eyes searching yours. "I've known you since childhood, you think I'd use you like that?" His voice is soft, filled with seriousness you rarely hear from him. You don't respond. You know that he wouldn't do that, don't you?

"Last night wasn't just some fling. It meant everything to me. You mean everything to me. I love you." That got you to look up at him.

"But you've never said anything." "I just realized," he answers honestly. "I know that you probably don't believe me." His hand comes up to cup your cheek, "Just give me some time. Let's figure this out together."

Reo woke up with a warm sensation spreading through his chest. He blinked sleepily, his gaze shifting to the figure beside him. You looked so peaceful, your hair cascading down over the pillow in gentle waves. A soft smile curved his lips against your neck, trailing kisses down to your collarbone. The touch was gentle, reverent almost, as if he couldn't get enough of you.

He felt a surge of affection, a deep longing that bordered on obsession. You stirred, a small sound escaping your lips, and he couldn't help but smile wider. Being this close to you, sharing these intimate moments, filled with a sense of contentment he hadn't known before.

Your bodies are entwined, fitting together like puzzle pieces. He traced patterns on your skin, each touch a silent declaration of his affection.

As you both exchanged whispered words and soft laughter, he couldn't help but marvel at the connection you both share. It's more than the physical attraction; it's a bond that transcends words, a silent understanding that you belong together.

Time seemed to stand still as you lost yourselves in each other, forgetting the outside world exists. In this moment, all that matters is the warmth from your skin, the rhythm of your breaths syncing in perfect harmony.

Reo knows he's falling deeper, that this isn't just a fleeting attraction. You've become his everything, a beacon of light in his dull world. And as you lay there, basking in the afterglow of your shared passion, he couldn't help but feel grateful for every moment with you.

As the morning light filters through the curtains, Chigiri finds himself waking up next to you. The memories of last night flood back, filling him with a warm sense of contentment. He can't help but smile as he recalls how you finally confessed your feelings to him, through drunken words and moans.

Your peaceful sleeping face is a sight to behold, and he can't resist reaching out to gently brush a strand of your hair away. The way you sleepily smile makes his heart race with affection. It's moments like this that make him realize just how much he cares for you.

As he lies there, basking in the afterglow of your shared intimacy, he can't help but reflect on how far you've both come. From the first day you helped him with his leg injury to volunteering to monitor and do regular check-ups at Blue Lock, your bond has only grown stronger.

He knows this is just the beginning of something intimate between you two. With you by Chigiri's side, he feels like he can conquer anything. And as he watches you stir awake, a smile playing on your lips, he knows that he wouldn't want it any other way.

As the morning sun filters through the curtains, you find yourself waking up beside Rin. The soft warmth of his body against yours reminds you of the night before, where passion and tenderness intertwined in a dance only lovers could understand.

Rin stirs beside you, his eyes fluttering to meet yours. There's a moment of hesitation, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken emotions between you. Then, with a gentle smile, he reaches out to brush a strand of hair from your face.

"You're still here," he murmurs, his voice carrying a mix of surprise and relief.

You nod your head, not knowing if you should leave or not. "Yeah." Rin immediately notices your tone mixed with uncertainty and hesitation. "I know I said some things before...about you distracting me from soccer," he begins, his gaze searching yours for understanding.

Your eyes trail down to his hand, his fingers climbing onto your hand. "You're passionate about soccer, Rin. I know that. But you don't get to shut out everything else. We can find a balance."

He exhales slowly as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. "I want that, too." He admits, pulling you closer into a warm embrace.

The room is filled with a comfortable silence, broken only by the soft sound of your breathing and gentle rustles of movement as Rin lays his head on your chest. He hums in contentment when he hears the sound of your heartbeat. And with each shared whisper of love and longing, it becomes clear that despite his initial reluctance, he's fully committed to making things work between you.

[feefivefoe]

Would reader ever play favorites to turn them on each other? Because if I was in their shoes Jason would 100% be my fave, he noticed reader when no one did even if it was a little, and sure he didn’t come around when he got his memories back but poor baby was working through some stuff. Anyways would reader make her favorite obvious just to upset the others and also kinda use their favorite as a guard dog to keep the others away at times?

It's not even an intentional manipulation tactic, honestly. Of course Jason is the favorite. He's the only one they have any history with, and while they have no issue with Damian until after the kidnapping, they aren't insanely close.

He's the only one they'll openly talk to, or spend time with, or show any affection to. And like I mentioned at first, it takes a while for Jason to work with him family rather than seeing them as another threat to you.

Sure, he cares about them, even if he doesn't say it out loud once. But they openly hurt you for years, and didn't do a damn thing about it, didn't even REALIZE, until he blew up at them.

And now they wanna just waltz into your life again? Like hell he'd give them the chance to hurt you again. Fine on using their admittedly much more secure home as the place to keep you, but he isn't leaving you with them permanently, and he sure as hell isn't helping them get into your life.

It takes a while, with a lot of resistance on his end, to get him to come around to the idea that they meant it, and that it wasn't going to fade out like getting a puppy on Christmas.

Then it becomes hard to play the favorite card. Because even while they all desire their own one on one bonding time, they are a family unit. And that's what they want you to join!

Only when the basic boundaries are being violated will they step in to stop one of them. Like that one time you woke up to Dick just watching you sleep with practical hearts in his eyes.

You don't think you'd ever screamed so loud, causing the rest of your family to practically break the door down.

They spent almost half an hour yelling at him over it.

They all still watch you sleep every now and then, but at least they have the decency to do it through a camera and not being there, scaring the shit out of you.

They'll bicker, but they won't turn on each other.

On a lesser note, the favorite with preen, almost strutting around with the title while the others sulk. They'll do you little favors and skirt rules to gain your favor, by bringing you something like a fast food craving, or by smuggling you a music player that can't connect to the internet with all your favorite songs predownloaded to it.

[mellarked-katnisseverdeen]

THG Reread Thoughts...I don't know how many I am up too. Sorry XD.

Katniss and both her alliances reresent some kind of rebellion, tbh. Both of them are representing her chooseing love and compassion over obeying the Capitol.

Katniss is SMART. SO much smarter than I remember giving her credit for. She isn't uber, mastermind genius because she is still in actual fact 16. But she was able to form a plan to get a legit leg up on the Careers useing all of her and Rues skills and it works as best it can. And I don't even think ALL of that is how much she is forced to survive. I think Katniss is genuinely a sharp girl.

Mentioned it in the Rue focused post...just the way her death hit me true tears came to my eyes. The unfairness and pain Katniss expereinces took my breath away as an adult whose, this time reading it, has expereince so much more loss.

So the rule change...is interesting. I will always maintain Crane WAS a bit short sighted sanctioning it. Had he thought about the possibility of them actually both living and what that would mean I legit don't think he would have. Whitch speaks to the ambition that festers in the Capitol...they wanted a better show, a love story. To bad that became hope and a rallying cry.

Katniss calling out Peeta's name is such an iconic scene. It shows just how much she has him on her brain the first thing she does is call to him.

Forgot how real Collins got with their injuries. Peeta's leg is something you can't avoid for even a sentence. Katniss's hearing is a constant issue and showing even in a realisic way (as someone who considers herself hard of hearing, this is actually refreshing to see).

Lets talk everlark. I think I will start by saying how early Katniss expression confusion caused by the act they had to preform took me back. We see so much more of that, the constant unsure and confused mess around her emotions, but it does start almost as soon as the act does. Katniss begins to wonder what she is doing because there is something connecting Peeta and her, and what she is doing for the act very early on and importantly, it only gets worse. Lying does this kids, even with the best intentions. And it makes it hurt when you get glimpes of how much Katniss DOES love and care for him.

Katniss instantly suspecting there is some truth to Peetas story about his crush makes me give her sus eyes so hard XD. Like girl you seem very eagar for him to not be totally playing to the camara rn XD.

There moment hunting is SO sweet honestly. And one of the more real moments they got and I love it.

The feast and the medicine scenes shocked with how much they scared me rereading them this time around. For a moment I forgot Thresh spares Katniss, and was genuinely worried for her. Points to Collins for her writing being with rereading in mind! Her storytelling is exciting enough to be captivating upon rereads whitch is AWESOME and not always the case.

Peeta nurseing both him and Katniss back after she's been helping him. Get you a man who will do it like him.

Katniss and her reaction to their first 'real' kiss forgetting she landing a smooch onto his cheek. Yes it was a snarky thing then but still XD. Reguardless it is SO sweet.

'The first time I want another' about this kiss also has been the subject of a lot of back and forth. Reading it now, it is pretty clear to me that yea...Katniss is meant to be expereince SOME kind of desire here. If for nothing else, more closeness.

[cosmic-kinglet]

Okay, to start off, here are the moments that made me either punch my couch cushion, throttle my blanket, or scream into said blanket:

So, honestly...Earth OUTWARDLY took that a lot better than I expected. And, I'm sure Eclipse IS right that Moon won't turn his aggression on any of his siblings...but, I'm still really scared for that confrontation. I've seen speculations about Moon potentially having been infected by the ruin virus at some point in the past, but only now showing signs of it. If THAT ends up being the case...I don't know. I KNOW it amplifies traits of the host, which means Moon still shouldn't have any desire to physically hurt his family. Still, it might turn into him being aggressively protective: locking them all up somewhere or scaring them into not going out places. Man, I sure do love this silly internet show! /sarc

I guess I'll bring my spirits back up by going a bit more into the development of Earth and Eclipse's sort-of-kind-of friendship. It was straight up stated how Earth just sort of ends up venting about things to Eclipse. Honestly, it's probably because he isn't connected to everyone else enough for the venting to have any major impact. Earth has said before that she doesn't really like venting to her siblings because she doesn't want to risk any strain on their relationships or be a burden to them. Then, there was Solar, who she would go to for these things because he could put himself aside and hear her out. Now, there's Eclipse, who barely sees himself as a person. Of course he would give that same feeling of putting himself aside because he hardly considers himself at all. Plus, despite what Moon says, and despite what Eclipse ISN'T saying, he HAS come to care about Earth.

Which brings me to what has me losing my mind every time it happens. His silence. I've said it before, and I will continue saying it: the original Eclipse ALWAYS had something to say. Even if it was just a simple, dismissive "whatever". And, usually, that still is the case. Until someone says something that strikes a chord with him. Like the few times Moon has screamed at him, saying he doesn't care about anyone. Like a few videos back, when Earth said she liked him. Like at the end of this video, when Earth said she felt like he DID care, and when she said it was nice talking to him. Anytime he starts to feel something, he goes silent. And, usually, he leaves soon after. He's still not ready to accept, or even acknowledge, these feelings. But, he's getting there. Genuinely, there were a few moments in this video where it felt like he WANTED to say something. But, again, he's not quite there yet. And I will continue to scream over his development until he finally GETS there!

[that-darn-clown]

hello, more rambles for you bestie:

Cassidy and William's relationship in the Rewrite. and the utter tragedy it is.

now look. William will make the (rather flimsy) argument that pretty much anything he did to his kids (and also a lot of his crimes) were done out of love for his family, and whatever emotions he has that connects to them. the abuse he put them through? well, he did it to keep them out of trouble and, hopefully, out of danger. him murdering Charlie and the MCI victims? done out of his grief of Elizabeth's deaths and a desire to make sure that Henry understood his suffering. a few crimes of passion, he'd describe it. him sending Alex to his death? an oversight, a show of "tough love" for a son claiming to see ghosts (that William himself damn well knew for a fact existed). he didn't know that Alex would die, that Cassidy would be Murder-Levels of angry at Alex. how could he have known? he only thought Cass' rage extended to him. how could he have known? and the list could honestly continue from there...

and that's not to say the man didn't love his children. loved them more than life itself, honestly. would've done anything for them (well, at least, what he considered to be "within reason." i'll leave that one to your imagination). but...that doesn't change the fact that he hurt them. of course, he'd get very offended if you so much as implied that to him, though. even when his own kids (mostly Cassidy and Michael) basically scream at him that He Has Hurt Them, he practically scoffs at the thought, claiming that they'll "understand/thank [him] when they're older." because in his eyes, they will. it'll make sense later.

(Michael's older now. and he still doesn't understand, nor does he think he ever will.)

Cassidy, on the other hand...he's complicated. he's a child that practically lived his short life surrounded by tragedy, practically being born from it. his mother died giving birth to him. Alex practically blamed him for everything going wrong (due to their mother's death sending William down his mental spiral). his only allies in that household were his second oldest brother, his sort of oblivious but well-meaning sister, and, on occasion, his other older brother who was distant 90% of the time. his own father, though he doted on Cassidy, was more condescending and unbearably overprotective on the best of days, and straight up never there the rest of the time. Cassidy was more raised by Michael than William.

and of course, William killed him. and his friends.

Cassidy isn't a demon or anything; he's a scared, angry, traumatized child who is taking it out on just about every adult that has the misfortune of working at Freddy's afterhours. because he really doesn't know what else to do. how else to manage that anger and fear.

Cassidy is under the belief that William hates him, for understandable reasons. in his eyes, the second Cassidy's eyes were opened to what his father had done was the second that his fate was sealed. Cassidy believes that William basically saw him as a broken toy that he couldn't fix, and thus decided that disposing of him would be easier than at least trying to fix him (i'll let you guess why Cassidy uses a lot of toy/broken toy metaphors and imagery to describe himself ;]). so y'know. Cass is. Going Through It.

that then leads to UCN. William is treating this whole thing like a child throwing a (rather violent and terrifying) tantrum. in his eyes, Cassidy's just tormenting him in order to get it all out of his system and then Cass will just...pass on and leave him to rot. maybe Cass will even forgive him. he's the kid's dad, after all, and he still views Cass as that soft, shy, and quiet kid that he had been before The Bite.

but that's the thing. even before the Bite? Cass was never really a forgiving kid. he could hold grudge til the end of time (and, as you can tell, he did). Cassidy is angry. for himself and the other children. he thinks that his father deserves to suffer for what he did. but, in some odd way, he wanted his father to show some sign that he loved him. that he cared. that he felt guilt for anything he'd done.

it's a horrible cycle; William feels little to no guilt for the crimes he committed, and doesn't entirely take Cassidy and his anger seriously, mostly because Cassidy is expressing some of that anger in more "childish" ways (see one of Music Man's voice lines, "When I'm here, you play by my rules!" Nedd Bear's "Stranger Danger!" and just. Happy Frog In General Gives Off Younger Cassidy Vibes (aka trying to impress a mostly absent parent and being mildly clingy); Cass is seven, mind you). but on Cass' end, this is the only way he can think to express his rage to his father, and he just wants some sign of guilt from his father. no matter how much Henry tries to convince Cass to just leave his father to burn, so that the kid can rest, Cassidy refuses. he can't rest until William "learns his lesson," which it seems like he never will, at least, not for a long time. and with William having a very, very small piece of his soul able to interact with the living world, and a person he's actively manipulating into serial killing, it seems like it's certainly not going to take place any time soon.

it's just. sad if you think about it. a father that truly loves his son (but absolutely Sucks as a person), and his utterly traumatized son that he murdered (who hates him but also still loves him in a weird way).

I Am Normal About These Two Guys (< lying)

Oh my god sorry I'm a little late but oh my god.

William is an old fashioned dad. He's not great at showing love, at least not in the conventional sense. So for someone who needs a way to convey their love for their children and who has a distinct love of murder... well it only makes sense.

And God how sad would it be to be this man's child and not ONLY harbor anger for him, but also understanding. To actually GET IT. how heartbreaking is that? To see the man behind the murderer and get the reasoning.

[justmenoworries]

Smith is depicted as someone with powerful, intense desires, who repeatedly settles for less because he believes what he actually wants is impossible. Cartoon heroes aren't real, so he pilots the realistic military mech. When it turns out they are real, the super robot chooses someone else. He can't pilot Superbia, either. He clearly dwells on this stuff and gets his feelings hurt– he has nightmares about being rejected by Bravern, what a nerd– but it never festers or becomes toxic envy. He's unrelentingly positive and determined to make the best of things. "A relationship with Isami is obviously impossible, but I can be his friend, and I can protect him with the Brave Knights." Smith is also passionate and brave, but he's reckless with his own life. He "dies" during the training mission in the first episode because he disobeyed orders and rushed in on his own. He dies for real fighting Cunus, essentially sacrificing himself for everyone else. But he's brought back from death by his mutual love for Isami– a character who is essentially the inverse of Smith, in that he is not necessarily traditionally brave, but has a strong desire to live and protect the lives of others. They each have what the other needs to learn. Cunus' relationship to Smith is what Bravern's relationship to Isami superficially appears to be in the first two episodes, but with a more antagonistic lens: a powerful alien robot watches a human from afar and fixates on him. She knows his name, but from his perspective they've never met. He is terrified of her, but she doesn't take no for an answer. She chooses him because she can sense the intensity of his hidden desires, and once he becomes Bravern he makes it very clear what those desires are. This guy isn't just enthusiastic and friendly, he was so in love with Isami that the physical embodiment of desire was drawn to him over literally everyone else on Earth. I can only imagine that initial experience of becoming Bravern was euphoric, as the perfect realization of all his desires that he had given up on. It's his childhood dream. It's another chance to save the world. It's metaphysical proof that Isami loved him and wanted him to come back! Bravern can be openly gay with none of the fear or embarrassment that comes with attaching those desires to his human identity. But oh, wait. Isami is scared of Bravern. Isami doesn't know why Bravern chose him. Isami is going to fall in love with Smith, and then Bravern is going to have to let him die– and he also knows that Isami doesn't trust Bravern, because he said it to Smith's face before that final battle. It's a really interesting contradiction to navigate, and it's obviously part of why Bravern chills out and becomes much more reasonable over time. He cares about Isami's feelings, and he wants to form an actual relationship with him as Bravern, not just selfishly steamroll over him. ...But he's still not able to connect the two identities. I think it's very telling that the love confession happens while he's a robot, and that he only ever admits to his identity indirectly when he's literally about to die. Bravern is the representation of Smith's love for Isami in the most literal sense, and he's also the only thing that allows Smith to express that love openly. He's still settling, even as a super robot. "I can't touch Isami the way I used to, but at least now I can connect with him as my pilot. I can't have the same relationship we had before, but I can make a new one." I think this is the biggest reason they had him return to his human body in the end. It was a moment of him having to face Isami as himself, without a mask. He "came out," so to speak. I think it would have been cool to let him keep the robot body, but I get why they ended it the way they did (and honestly, if they ever make more, I fully expect them to give him a way to henshin into being the mech again.) Thanks again. I hope my thoughts make sense and were interesting or clarifying as to the appeal for other viewers, and that I didn't come off as combative. (2/2)

They made perfect sense, no worries!

I'm about to answer with my own thoughts on this and they're probably gonna be controversial.

I think Smith becoming Bravern actually lessens his character arc. Smith is introduced as basically a bait-and-switch. He's someone the viewer can almost instantly relate to: He's a young reckless guy with dreams of becoming a hero, inspired by the Robot Hero shows he watched when he was a kid. These shows that gave him hope in difficult times and inspired him to become a hero like the robot pilots in his shows.

And he's already half-way there, he's the pilot of a TS, that's as close to a super-robot he'll get in "real life".

Or so he thinks.

But then here comes Bravern. A seemingly one-to-one copy of every perfect mecha hero you've ever seen. And he doesn't choose Smith. Smith, who has been dreaming of this moment since he was a little boy whose parents died tragically. Smith, who's chosen to become a Titanstrider pilot because it's the closest he'd ever get to being like the characters he looked up to so much. Smith who might as well have "Shonen Protagonist" burned into his forehead with how many typical characteristics of the ideal hero he embodies.

And as you said, what does Smith do?

He accepts it.

He accepts that it's not him. He's not the Hero. He's not the Protagonist. Someone else is. Isami. The guy who already proved himself Smith's better during the training exercise. Who, in literally any other setting, would probably be the stock rival character.

So instead, Smith accepts that he can't be Bravern's pilot. But he's still a pilot. Just because he's not in the flashy mecha doesn't mean he can't do anything to help.

Then Lulu comes along and Smith finds a new purpose: As her guardian. He realizes, through her, that there's still people who need him. Including Isami and Bravern.

And then comes Superbia. The proverbial final nail in the coffin. Seemingly a second chance for Smith to step up to the plate. Nope! Superbia also cannot be piloted by Smith.

Here's where it finally clicks.

This is war.

There's no such thing as The Protagonist.

Everyone here still needs to work together to protect the Earth they love. A supporting role isn't suddenly unimportant just because a giant robot manifested a flaming sword. That's what Smith realizes.

So he forms the Brave Knights. He co-pilots with Lulu to help Bravern and Isami in any way that he can.

Enter Knuth.

A twisted facsimile of what Smith wanted at the beginning of the show: a super-mecha who is focused on him, only on him. And she's completely unhinged. Dangerous. Selfish.

But Smith has grown past her. Past the desire to be The Protagonist. He's accepted that he's still important. That super-mecha or not, he's still a hero protecting Earth.

...Except no, Smith was actually always The Protagonist. He was always destined to become Bravern and all his development until now? Doesn't matter anymore. Wish fulfillment fantasy ahoy. What are themes?

[goblinbugthing]

sorry to the person that sent this ask, i deleted it on accident

anygays.

someone on anon sent an ask saying “why do you want the white lady to be stereotypical?” in reference to this post where i said i reject the canon that she doesn’t care about any of the vessels, just seeing them as tools to seal the radiance and only experiencing shame in the fact that it was her eggs that were used to produce them.

lemme elaborate on what i meant by that.

(tl;dr at the bottom of the post)

(cw: mentions of child neglect + implied child abuse)

it’s not that i want the white lady to be the general fanon stereotype that she’s actually a loving mother to all her kids, including the fallen vessels in the abyss, i simply want her to treat holly like her child because thats what they are. they’re a living being who deserves all the love and more that they never got in their childhood because their parents thought they were effectively a lifeless creature.

now, i project onto them a lot. they’re my #1 blorbo and comfort character in hollow knight, so i give them the same needs i have and write other characters as providing to those needs. that includes parental love from the white lady, their mother.

in my aus, wl isnt a motherly figure to all the vessels — in fact, she’s actually kind of scared of most of them. she only really acts as a parent to holly, because she knows they’re alive and that they literally need it to stay that way. they call her mom, she calls them her child, and she’s grown really attached to them because of that.

wl didn’t initially view holly as her child — before their escape and rescue, to her, they were just another failure. just another impure vessel. she didn’t honestly care about what happened to them, at least not too much (they’re still her spawn, and she felt some guilt in seeing them this way, but she shoved it down and continued acting like everything was fine). but after the fact, holly themself said to her that they genuinely see her as their mother and want her to treat them as her child to make up for the decades of neglect they went through. hearing this, and knowing they’re a living being that literally just wants the love they were never given, and already having an innate desire to protect her young, she agrees to call them ‘child’ despite not fully seeing them like that.

after a while, though, she did start developing a genuine motherly love and connection to them. of course, at this point in time in my main au, holly is still very much trying to impress pk to avoid getting thrown into the abyss and dying (which he wouldn’t do, but they don’t know that), so they never call wl ‘mother’ around him, and they requested that she do the same for them (which she agreed to do bc she doesn’t want them getting hurt any more than they already have been).

tl;dr, im sad and need the comfort so i gave a lore reason for it to happen canonically in my aus.

(also, in twins of void, wl just always loved diligence. she knew right off the bat that they were alive and she decided “fuck it, they’re my child and i love them, the other one is pure they’ll be fine,” despite pk’s wishes for neither of them to form any unnecessary attachments in the case that purity wasn’t pure.)

(in reign of light, she doesn’t want anything to do with moon. something to do with them fusing with radi. more angst fuel for the angst au!)

(also, here’s rol and tov’s basic info post)

[gotham-native]

You said circe angst 👀 desire, failure fear and secret?

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

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desire: She wants a family, not really in a partner and kitten way but more in a mother and father way. she never had a traditional relationship with either of her parents and now that she lives in the junkyard and sees everyone else with their families it makes her feel really lonely and kinda jealous. especially when she sees her half siblings with their 'full family units'. she acts like she doesn't care and that she prefers to be alone and to a extent she does but she'd be lying if she said she didn't want the parental connection she sees others have. she honestly has thought about leaving the junkyard to try to find her mother or even going back to her father but she could never force herself to go

failure: She knew about one of her dads planned attacks on the junkyard and didn't tell anyone. she thinks about this a lot, she was staying with mungojerrie and rumpleteazer during this time after a bad fight with a certain red queen left her with a deep cut down her right arm and she just wanted to be away from everyone and be with the two cats she trusted the most. she was taking a late night walk through town and heard two of Macavitys hench men talking about a planned attack. no one knows that she know because she scared of what they will do if they find out

fear: She is terrified of being like her father, she is acutely aware of her similarities to him and despises them. usually she will just push these feelings down but sometimes when they get to much she goes into full shut down mode. she will avoid others like the plague and will just refuse to talk to anyone. she refuses to tell anyone about this, so when ever she gets all upset and shuts down it confuses and concerns the others.

secret: she has many secrets, she doesn't like to be seen as weak so she hides anything anyone could use against her, but the main thing she keeps hidden is how much she wants her fathers attention and love, she wants him to care about her and to be proud of her but she feels bad for wanting this because he is a terrible person, he's hurt her tribe and her mother but she can't deny how much she want him to care about her.

[thefairyhills]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ* A COLLECTION OF QUOTES THAT LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT-FREE.

as the title says, this is a list of quotes from books, movies, song lyrics, videogames, pinterest posts and anything else that has been stuck in my brain forever, for one reason or another. a part 2 may or may not follow. adapt any gendered terms as needed!

❝ to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. ❞

❝ there are no men like me. only me. ❞

❝ the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. ❞

❝ give me back my girlhood, it was mine first. ❞

❝ stories connect us to our past. they shape a people in profound ways. without them, we are lost. ❞

❝ everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? ❞

❝ i wish that i could say i am a light that never goes out, but i flicker from time to time. ❞

❝ just between us, did the love affair maim you too? ❞

❝ when the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway. ❞

❝ death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. ❞

❝ when they shattered our spirit, we became sharpest at the break. ❞

❝ she didn't want to be loved for her petals, she wanted to be loved for her thorns. she knew if someone loved her flaws, they would love her whole. ❞

❝ to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you. ❞

❝ love speaks in flowers. truth requires thorns. ❞

❝ because saving the people you love isn't stupid. it isn't even a choice. ❞

❝ don't go where i can't follow. ❞

❝ whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ❞

❝ it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations. ❞

❝ there's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. ❞

❝ the water hears and understands. the ice does not forgive. ❞

❝ i am my scars. ❞

❝ that's the thing about pain. it demands to be felt. ❞

❝

it's not your fault i ruin everything. and it's not your fault i can't be what you need. ❞

❝ i'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual. ❞

❝ the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. ❞

❝ you were the one who wanted to win. and i just wanted a sister. ❞

❝ you know how scared i am of elevators. never trust it if it rises fast, it can't last. ❞

❝ i am not ruined. i am ruination. ❞

❝ all my flowers grew back as thorns. ❞

❝ if i can't have love i want power. ❞

❝ i came out to attack people, and i'm honestly having such a good time right now. ❞

❝ anger was better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt. ❞

❝ i'm meaner than my demons. ❞

❝ i love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything. ❞

❝ you are haunted, like every other holy thing. ❞

❝ my skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel. ❞

❝ innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know. ❞

❝ what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men. ❞

❝ i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it. ❞

❝ how could somebody ever love me? ❞

❝ you don't get to destroy someone and decide how ruined they're allowed to feel. ❞

❝ i am afraid of you. in loving me, you hold a knife at my throat. in loving you, i tell you exactly where to cut. ❞

❝ because i take things away from stupid, evil old men. it's what i do. ❞

❝ they deserve to lose everything. and i deserve to have all their stuff. ❞

❝ tell me, if he handed you a bloodied hand, would you take it, just because it was his? ❞

❝ hell is empty and all the devils are here. ❞

❝ i desire the things that will destroy me in the end. ❞

❝ i have tried loving less but that hurts just the same. ❞

❝ wanting was enough. for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ❞

❝ the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you. ❞

❝ i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❞

❝ these violent delights have violent ends. ❞

❝ we love with claws and teeth and the blood is just proof of how much. it's feral. and it's relentless. ❞

❝ feelings that come back are feelings that never left. ❞

❝ good for you, you're doing great out there without me. god, i wish that I could do that. ❞

❝ if i could hold you for a minute, darling, i'd go through it again. ❞

❝ i don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch. ❞

❝ i don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush. ❞

❝ and logically, you're the last thing i should have on my mind, but i want you there sometimes. ❞

[nogoawaytism]

Okay, so I really like the idea of Silver Bull. (And by "like" I mean it's been burning in my veins for months.)

Oh shit, it's long.

Realistically, it would take quite a long time to fully develop of course. There's Adam's racism towards humans combined with Merc's inability to really open up to anyone who isn't named Emerald. And of course there's always the angle of the two being an all-around toxic pairing, much angst. Buttt since I'm just a sinnamon roll and want everyone to be healthy and happy, I'm going to go for the healthy variety.

(By the way, in my au, Adam and Ilia are the same age as most of the cast. I never really saw the point of making them older and younger respectively.)

Initially, when Adam is forced to spend time around Emerald and Mercury (the HORROR), it's the worst day ever. You could write at least one full season's worth of a sitcom. Emerald and Mercury just do stupid shit to intentionally piss him off. To be clear, it isn't 100% out of malice. The two have some desire to see him cut loose in spite of everything. From seeing how he fights, they know just how dangerous he is, especially towards humans, but even from the start, there's this sort of mutual respect from both parties. I think Adam would be the one to feel attraction first, and he's horrified that he's capable of feeling attracted towards a human. Inevitably, the shells crack over time. Adam and Mercury aren't blind to the softness that Fox can bring out of Emerald, one different than the one Mercury can sometimes evoke. At this point, the concept of a human and a faunus together romantically is such a foreign concept to Adam- obviously it was horribly taboo in Atlas, and it would be highly looked down upon in the White Fang to say the least. Eventually Adam's curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks Fox "What do you see in her? She's a human!" Fox replies "She's more like me than she is different." and elaborates on the similarity of their pasts. Fox also tells Adam "I can tell there's something that's hurting you too. It's buried deep inside, but it dictates your every step. And I don't think I want to force it out of your mind." Adam's understandably kind of freaked out over Fox's semblance, but there is some innate trust because he is also a faunus. They develop a friendship- probably Adam's first friend that isn't in the White Fang. They've gone through hard times. Neither has a living family, and Adam was blinded in one eye, while Fox has never had vision in either.

Eventually, Adam and Mercury do reveal their pasts to one another of their own volition. It's a big turning point in Adam's worldview, it's not like he wasn't aware that humans could be abused, but rather it's hearing a firsthand account of an especially horrific case, one that's honestly quite similar to his own. For the first time, Adam is connected to a human via mutual understanding, albiet a fucked up one. And for once... it's like those racial barriers aren't there. It's a pair of two scared little boys, experiencing something NO ONE should ever experience, looking into a mirror, plenty of visible scars, and even more invisible ones. Suddenly, all of that repressed pain from over the years, channeled away into rage and destruction for a cause bigger than they are- the dam breaks.

They cry. How many years has it been since their eyelashes have gotten spiky with tears? Or their heads hurt, is it from crying? The beatings? The mental strain? Losing their humanity, as they feel it draining from them day after day? How long has it been since their faces have been flushed from raw emotions that haven't been channeled into a fight? Do the once-familiar sensations of hot tears streaking down their faces, running into their mouths and leaving a salty aftertaste in their mouths feel foreign now?

Even with the freedom fighter and the assassin's hard facades, there is no shame in everything coming forth, because he knows, the man across from you knows, did anyone? Did you give up on anyone knowing? Or are they dead because you survived and they didn't? You thought you could move on, did you really? It's in your face now, those prosthetic legs, that charred flesh, hidden away under fabric to avoid rude or frightened stares.

Where do we go from here?

[duplicitywrites]

Ooooh I wanna hear about Fear Is Only The Beginning

Fear is Only the Beginning

i honestly don't know if/when i will ever go back to this sjgssdg my writing style and preferences have changed a lot since i started that story 😭

but i think i'll take this as an opportunity to share a lot of snippets i wrote for future scenes that may never see the light of day. look below the cut for more!

[ send a WIP title and i'll share something for it/about it ]

---

scene one:

Tom waits until they are alone in their dormitory to pass him the book. The cover has a charm placed on it to obscure the true title, but even that does little to mask the magic emanating from the pages.

“I bookmarked a page,” Tom says casually, but Harry can sense excitement beneath Tom’s usual veil of careful detachment.

Later, when he is finally alone, Harry flips to the marker and starts reading, unsure if he’ll be able to stomach the entire book from start to finish.

Horcrux. Just reading the word leaves Harry feeling awful. Reading the process behind it only worsens the feeling. His skin crawls when he thinks on it, even long after the book has been returned. Killing someone so that you can live forever.

But it is soul magic, and that is significant. Harry can’t say he agrees with everything that Tom does, or wants to do, but this is an opportunity to learn things that Tom won’t find suspicious. They can research this together, and if Harry can find a solution, find a way out—well, he’d be a fool not to try and take it.

Tom wants to live forever. He wants to tether himself to this world, to this life. He wants Harry by his side while he does it. Harry just wants to live knowing his soul is wholly his own.

If he can separate the piece of soul that doesn’t belong to him, maybe Tom won’t want him anymore. Harry’s not sure how he feels about that. He’s been linked to Tom for years now, the two of them drawn together by their strange magical connection. He still occasionally catches Tom glancing at his lightning scar, clearly deep in thought. Tom hates not knowing things, and Harry thinks it’s a wonder he never got dumped into Ravenclaw after rejecting Slytherin.

The mere thought of opposing Tom scares him. Not out of fear that Tom will hurt him, but rather what other consequences might make themselves known. Tom is volatile, mercurial. His desires and ambitions wage a constant war against the world as he strives to force reality to bend its knee to him. 

It is breathtaking to witness Tom in those moments, even though it is Tom’s cruelty and pragmatism breaking the surface. There is fulfillment in being a part of something so powerful, the tiny cogs of Tom’s grand plans humming in unison as the large wheels of politics continue to turn.

Harry knows that he helps to buffer Tom’s sharper edges, that he provides Tom with something truly invaluable: an ally, an equal. He will always act in Tom’s best interests, for Tom’s own good. And Tom will never hurt him. It would be hard to leave Tom, knowing that.

---

scene two:

“You’re always someone to me, Tom. You always have been and you always will be.”

Harry is too close. His words are like fire against Tom’s skin, burning hot all over. His hand is touching Tom’s, holding it gently, threading their fingers together. Harry is all that is good in the world. He is the only thing that matters. He should be the only thing that matters.

“Tom?” asks Harry, concerned.

Tom forces his throat to clear itself. “Harry,” he says. Just that, nothing else.

“It’s you and me, Tom,” continues Harry, voice soft. “You have me. Isn’t that enough?”

Harry’s eyes—so green, like liquid emeralds—are swallowing Tom whole. Tom feels like he’s never been so alive as Harry watches him, sees him. Tom wants so much. He wants the world. Tom wants to fashion himself from diamond and silver, unbreakable and shining. But Harry sees through him, burns him, breaks him down into his constituent pieces with nothing more than a loaded glance.

Tom’s free hand rises to touch Harry’s face, to drag his fingers up Harry’s cheek, along the bone structure, across the brow, under the forehead, and just around the edge of the angry red scar. All this, all of Harry. All of it is his. Oh, it aches. A different kind of pain from the scorching fire in his lungs and his raw, parched throat.

“Harry,” Tom repeats. “I want you.” I need you.

They are centimeters apart, sharing the same air, chests almost pressed together. Tom can feel each breath that passes in and out of Harry’s lungs.

“Then have me.”

Tom obliges, closing the remaining distance. His mouth touches Harry's, hesitant. Everything is warm. Harry is warm. Their lips come together, moving, and Tom’s hand winds its way past the scar and into Harry’s hair. The kiss is careful, so careful, because Harry might pull away at any moment, might leave. 

Harry’s hands come up to grasp Tom’s waist, to pull them closer together still. Tom feels dizzy as his head tilts back, his lips parting to inhale. His breaths are unsteady, he can hear the air passing into him in irregular bursts.

But Harry’s smile is familiar. Being with Harry screams safety and acceptance and care—all the things Tom had tried to find for himself in the world only to be disappointed time and time again. The rest of the world never mattered to him except when it came to his desire to conquer it. This world, his world, is Harry. The strange scar and the knobby knees and the snarky jokes at his expense. Always this, always Harry.

Without any conscious thought, Tom finds himself drawn back down, his lips against Harry’s. The kiss is messy and inexperienced, but every touch of Harry’s skin upon his leaves him hungry for more. If he can have this—if he can have this for every day for the rest of his life—

When they pull away, Tom has one hand curled against the nape of Harry’s neck. His other arm is wrapped around Harry in a tight grip, fingers grasping hard enough to bruise, but Harry doesn’t seem to mind. Harry’s hands are still gentle on Tom’s waist, their thumbs stroking slow patterns that Tom can feel through his shirt.

“I love you,” Harry says, breath hitching, words sincere.

The statement hurts somehow. Tom presses his forehead against Harry’s, careful to avoid contact with the scar. Tom can’t form the words in return. He’s not sure if he can. The concept of love seems very far away from where they are. Tom has always wanted to be more, to have more.

They are breathing together. Him and Harry. Two of the same, two souls bound for each other. That thought calms Tom, steadies him.

Tom brushes his lips against Harry’s cheek, feather soft. He hopes Harry understands.

Harry’s hand comes up to cup Tom’s face, to brush calloused fingertips along the upper part of Tom’s jaw. With Harry’s touch comes reassurance. Tom is not alone, and he never will be.

“Forever,” Tom says. It’s not quite the same, but the sentiment is there.

Harry gives him another quick kiss in return. It is enough.

[h-worksrambles]

Murdoch for your Character Opinion Bingo 🥺🦊

Murdoch...my beloved...my poor precious boi...

Murdoch is, at least in my opinion, the best character in The Smoke Room. And it's funny because I don't think I expected to like him as much as I did. I did Cliff's route first and he's really charming and likable there, sure. But then I did his route and oh my god. On a surace level his design is on point. Look at this man. LOOK AT HIM. He is absolutely adorable yet also endearingly suave. This man makes the Dreamworks smirk look actually charming. How is this concieavable? Also love his little mop of hair. He's also easily the funniest character. Most of his snarky little quips are hysterical. It's also very hard to write flirtatious characters who are actualy charming rather than creepy. But Murdoch nails it. What I think sticks with me the most though is how genuinely kind and compassionate Murdoch is. For as much as plays up being a witty and sarcastic flirt, he's incredibly empathetic. The genuine care he extends to Cliff, his desire to better understand Sam, the trust he has for Ralph. I've mentioned it before, but the fact that Murdoch knows the truth that there is something supernatural and evil in the heart of Echo but instead of wanting to run, he chooses to do everything he can to uncover the truth so he can make things better for the people still living there really moved me. Yes he's funny, yes he's witty and aloof, but there's such a gentle soul underneath that. I always think back to his theme, this quiet melacholy piano piece, that tells you, right from the start, that there's a sadness beneath that smile. And yet he still has so much baggage. Murdoch is kind, but that kindness is born from years of self loathing from his family who constantly treat him like trash. He's greiving for his brother Seamus, but also lives in fear that his family would rather Seamus lived to grow up instead of him. He's desperate for any scrap of affection, anyone who can make him feel loved, because he doesn't love himself. When I played through his route, saw how his mother and father treat him, it honestly really hurt, but it also made his actions in other routes make a worrying amount of sense. He's self sacrificial to the point of martyrdom. I'll never forget the moment he tells Sam the truth about what's going on between him and Jim, how much he's willing to put himself through for the sake of a family who don't love or appreciate him, how much he wants to believe that their treatment of him is purely down to the town's influence because he can't bring himself to admit that he's being abused, that they don't love him as much as he loves them. Ow, my heart.

"I want to be told I'm doing a good job." Yes, honey, you are.

Plus, while I think he's more than compelling enough to stand on his own, he has great relationships with other characters. Murdoch and Cliff are my favourite ship in the game. Two very likable yet also lonely characters struggling with the weight of familial expectations. One is outgoing and earnest, keen to finally show the real him by reinventing himself far from home. The other is affable and welcoming but also guarded, hiding behind masks and scared to show his real emotions. They have so much to teach each other, so much room to grow together. And it makes their connection across multiple routes even better. His dynamic with Sam is also great. Of all the love interests, his route is so far the least overtly romantic but no less sincere for it. Because it's watching two very guarded, very wounded people slowly learning to be honest with each other and it's fascinating. The implication that William (himself a very reserved, guarded character) might factor into this dynamic too has me very curious.

He's also wonderful in the modern AU. This to me is Murdoch living as his best self. Free from his family, free to be true to himself, surrounded by people who love him. Also, again, he and Cliff continue to be utterly adorable, but his interactions with the entire polycule bring me such joy.

I kind of knew I was going to like Cliff, Will and Nik, but Murdoch was an unexpected delight who rocketed up to being my absolute favourite. I can't wait for more of his route.

Thank you so much for the ask. I really want to talk more about Smoke Room here in the future because I am utterly hooked.

[kingmintyreturns]

Heya! I just found your punch-out au fic on a recommended page and I love it to bits! It's such and interesting concept and already a great story! Even if it never continues, it's definitely gonna be something I re-read.

Also your art is cool as hell! I love the way you mix the different designs Sandman's had over the years into a cohesive design that looks really unique while staying true to the spirit of his character!

(And your selfship is so cute and you're actually the coolest for getting on cringetopia)

Aww thank you! honestly, getting into the writing process without any knowledge of structure or pacing killed me. I've been practicing quite a bit in my free time. I'm not sure if i can guarantee a continuation since i realized that i came up with the plot after suffering a few losses and identity issues and thematically, it least plotting it out (and later, selfshipping) gave me the catharsis i needed.

sometimes you get to a point with a character that it feels disingenuous to put them in certain situations like a children's plaything. Darius (mr. Sandman) in particular has grown and evolved into something bigger than punch out to me, which i don't expect to make sense to anyone but a few assorted creatives, spirituals, selfshippers and neurodivergent people. i just let him take me where he wants to go. i can't puppet him.

maybe that sounds crazy, but i don't mind. i've genuinely become a healthier person through this coping mechanism. i was diagnosed with autism a month ago, and while sometimes i still doubt, there's no doubt that my special interest has helped me process and start to heal from things i otherwise wouldn't have. i have some creative and supportive friends to thank for that too.

but i digress--thank you for the compliments! it means a lot to me that people still care about something that's brought me so much joy over the years. people may find some of my interpretations to be a bit eccentric, but i don't mind. I've had lots of people agree with me that fat is a good look on sandman.

my hope is that by being myself unapologetically, i can give at least one person out there the space to do so too. it didn't phase me one bit to get on cringetopia--i laughed my ass off. better that they go after me than someone more vulnerable.

i used to be really scared and think that all of my deepest desires, ideas and sensibilities were stupid and shameful. if i hadn't been open here, there's a chance I'd have been much more hurt by their remarks. now, it feels like it rolls right off my back when someone is mean. i might even laugh along; if you take yourself too seriously, you'll never be happy!

i wear the label "cringe" with pride--it means i am unbothered, authentic, and irreverent. i think if we were all willing to be a bit more cringe, people would feel a helluva lot more connected than they do now.

[jxnmzko]

I keep thinking about when i went out with a friend recently pretty late at night to a place i don’t necessarily like to see anymore. I don’t really know him super well honestly so it was us just talking about our life and selves and our struggles. I sorta feel embarrassed because i started to cry, i felt i could really say what i felt without judgement which is weird because i don’t know him well enough 😭 but i voiced my fears and insecurities and all that went through my mind like I even thought about this moment when i went hiking and saw the waterfall. Im able to be vulnerable around my friends but this was a different level it was so weird not in a way where i see him a certain way bc we both established im gay and he has his own thing going on.

I talked about literally everything from me feeling so icky in my own skin since i developed an eating disorder to me crying because i feel like sometimes i can’t give myself the happiness you’d typically get from a partner. it’s funny bc he called me out on something, in my past connections there’s always been “that ex” that they tend to miss or whatever so i ALWAYS tend to feel like a last choice and i think deep down that’s the trigger and that’s unconsciously what i bring in. I definitely need to work on those triggers because i didn’t even realize that feeling/insecurity has been present since my very first relationship.

I devalue myself because i see myself much smaller than the person i “idolize”. SURE, im not entirely a bad person with my actions and intentions but i have my negative attributes that i need to address like im clingy but not that normal cutesy shit. but the type that stems from needing to feel validated constantly so i know im not being cheated on or to stop feeling like they’ll eventually leave me. That is the truth i want love but im scared once im in it because it’s hard to believe someone could love what i can’t love when i look at myself so therefore i yearn for it from people who can never give it to me. I devalue myself and pick myself apart to try and figure out how i could be better. should i eat less? should i do things i don’t want to do to be more appealing ? should i put aside my morals and desires to fit their morals and desires just because it’ll mean ill have them still. It’s scary because i looked back on messages where i can literally see the insecurity showing and it makes me cringe so bad because like what the actual fuck am i feeling afraid for ? like im thinking from the first 3 i can think of and that i felt something for. like ok Im afraid to lose someone who never pleased me in any shape or form? to lose someone who can’t fend for themselves and abused me emotionally? and finally, i’m afraid to lose someone who is as equally as traumatized, picks the wrong people therefore too afraid of love? and to top it all off i look at the people they wanted or dated or whatever and i tear myself apart calling myself ugly bc i don’t fit their type. like bruh my brain hurts and im tired, the only thing i need to do is be happy in my own skin and if im not then change it right ? that’s it there’s nothing too complicated about it

and for my life. I feel so behind sometimes not in a way where i want kids or want to get married bc fuck that rushing shit i’m not stressed about it. It’s more so being more independent and feeling like i need to flee the country in order to feel fulfillment. I was hating so hard on where i live that when i did finally adventure out it, it definitely made me so much happier. I didn’t even need to leave the state to feel that way and even if i did leave the state which i still think would be cool, it wouldn’t rly change how i feel. i think that’s something i definitely need to heal before that because then ill just take it with me and if im going to a whole other place where no one knows me i rather be a version of myself im happy with.

okay imma stfu i’m actually rly tired and my brain hurts and i’m thinking too deep about this shit again bc i stopped taking a med and i think imma crash out but not in a way where im gonna do some fuck shit but like where i’m gonna sleep for hours on end and maybe cry just a lil and not because i hate myself or my life but because i deserve exactly what i want and more and i can’t keep calling myself ugly bc this is the skin im going to live with until i die unless i get a lot of surgery and change my whole face but then ill just look like a freak when i get older bc it’ll age really badly and maybe i might cry also over how i wanted things to be a certain way and it wasn’t that way but that’s life so i prob won’t cry about it much. In the end tho im fine and the convo i had with my friend will live in my brain for probably the next 2 months maybe ??

i just keep repeating myself lol but i gotta drill it into my brain somehow

[ghcstlyhearts]

CHARACTER BASICS

Full Name: Weston Alexander Porter

Nickname: West, Wes, Westie

Age: 24

Gender: Demi Man

Pronouns: He & They

Ethnicity: Kamilaroi

Nationality: Australian

Education: High school, though he's taught himself a few things

Occupation: Creator of Pigeon

Hometown: Byron Bay, New South Wales

Current location: Moonlit Creek

Species: Lycanthrope - bitten around a year ago by an unknown wolf

Written Aesthetics: Trembling hands, bitten nails, mischievous grins & nervous laughter.

trigger warnings: drugs

CHARACTER APPEARANCE 

Face Claim: Thomas Weatherall

Height: 5'8"

Hair Colour: Black

Eye Colour: Dark Brown

Dominant Hand: Ambidextrous

Distinguishing Features: Bite mark on his left hip, claw scars on his right shoulder, plus various little scars littering torso & legs, a small scar on the top of his lip on the right, left ear piercing.

SUPERNATURAL EXTRAS 

Abilities: heightened strength, speed, agility, and reflexes, enhanced senses, accelerated healing, shapeshifting ( though he hasn't got the hang of this entirely ), enhanced endurance & tracking abilities.

Have you always been aware of your abilities?: No, I only got them when I was bitten a year ago.

Favorite Magical Items: He’s unsure if it’s actually magical, but he wears a small clear quartz charm on a chain. It was given to him years ago, by a friend, for “protection” and he hasn’t taken it off since.

What supernatural creature is your character most scared of?: Literally all of them, having not known of supernatural creatures before he got bitten, he has little knowledge of them and finds them pretty terrifying.

Who or what would they die for? Anyone he cares about, he would die for his friends, his father figure - he’s an extremely loyal friend who will go to the ends of the earth for anyone.

Does your character fight or flee? Flee, he hates the idea of hurting anyone and avoids violence if he can help it.

PERSONALITY

Positive Traits: Warm-hearted, Intuitive & Loyal.

Negative Traits: Nervous, Scatter-brained & Naïve.

Neutral Traits: Competitive, Intense & Sarcastic.

Goals/desires: His true desire in life is to find a family and settle down with someone he loves, though part of him believes he’ll never achieve it. Mostly though, he just wants to be happy.

Fears: Being alone, hurting someone, failure, letting people down, loud noises.

Hobbies: Hacking, gaming, anything to do with computers or tech. He also loves to cook.

Habits: Biting his nails, chewing on his lower lip, smoking weed, drumming his fingers against a surface, messing up his hair, cooking far too much food when he’s stressed.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT Q’S

QUESTION ONE: were you born on the island, if so, what kind of curiosities do you have about the world beyond? if you weren’t, what do you miss about the world outside veritas isles?  “I wasn’t, though I’m not sure I actually miss the outside world. I didn’t really have a lot going for me over there, maybe some of the technology?”

QUESTION TWO: what is your favorite part about the island?  “Honestly, I’m not sure yet, I rather like exploring the different places. The diner is pretty good but this island is a lot bigger than I’d thought it would be.”

QUESTION THREE: if your character is supernatural, do they fear humans? if human, do they fear the supernatural?  “Supernaturals scare me a lot more than humans, after all one did bite me and leave me alone.”

QUESTION FOUR: share a fun headcanon or fact about your character! this doesn’t have to be long, just something to introduce us to your character!  While he’ll often do odd jobs for cash, including hacking gigs, Wes’ main focus is the social media site he created solely for the island. He called it Pigeon, after joking to someone if he had to contact them through carrier pigeon when they mentioned they didn’t have social media on the island. He mostly did it for a laugh, and didn’t expect it to actually get popular.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION  BIO | PLAYLIST | PINTEREST

WANTED CONNECTIONS

Father Figure / Mentor - They found him left abanoned the night after the full moon, having been bitten and reluctantly took him in, but has grown ( somewhat reluctantly ) fond of him over the year.

Sire - The wolf that bit him, it would have been a year ago, and they would have been somewhere in the outside world.

Childhood Best Friend - They'd be 24, probably Australian & I'm thinking a witch. They adored Weston, wanting to protect him from harm. When they moved away, they gave Weston a charm necklace for protection. It's what saved his life the night of the wolf attack. They've not seen each other since they were young, though, and he was unaware they were a witch.

Foster Family - He was in foster care for eighteen years, if anyone is from the outside world & Australia, they could have been in foster care with him.

Friends - He's pretty sociable, and I imagine he's found several friends whilst coming to the island.

Close friends - Since meeting them, they're as thick as thieves, despite only knowing each other a short time.

Packs ?? - He's a lone wolf right now, so perhaps they're trying to recruit him??