#he is a big bad werewolf who killed and ate a grandma

[the-silliest-idiot]

Khajiit will follow

J’zargo has a few dragon priest staffs and he likes to use them to blow up everything in sight, including the dragonborn. Especially the dragonborn.

It’s okay to me because J’zargo is magnificent

[fairytale-poll]

ROUND 1B! MATCH 3 OUT OF 8

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Ylfa:

She just went through so much and so much growth and i love her very much.

She becomes a big bad wolf

She met Death and Death wanted her to live.

Great depiction of a teenager by Emily Axford. A lot of scenes get really emotional with her being a symbol of the cycle of life and death and eventually she will always become the Big Bad Wolf.

she faced off with Death and he told her to live. this Death, who was much older than the Death she was supposed to meet, stared off with Yilfa for days until she succumbed to hunger and ate him alive. other iterations of death apologized to her for the story she was forced to suffer through, for the punishment she had to endure over an unrealistic and unabidable rule she was destined to break. her corrupted story turned her into the big bad wolf, into death itself. she sacrificed the beloved memory of her grandma, her namesake, so that her friends would be able to save their world. even though she gained it back in the end, she was willing to live the rest of her life as the wolf, a harbinger of death, and when she was reminded that she was just a child, that it wasn’t her responsibility to guide the dead, she cried, and separated from the wolf. she was able to grow up normal and happy after suffering from the looming presence of death. i’m gonna make me friend also submit yilfa bc they’re smarter than me and can make better propaganda

my mutual really likes her

Her narrative arc about growing up and life and death is so beautiful and her being a werewolf is so cool. Emily Axford gets girlhood like nobody else.

she is the bravest little girl in the world she met death and death wanted her to live she split his skull and ate the innards of death himself she is just a little girl!!!!!!!

PRIMO Red Riding Hood adaptation. Ate the wolf who ate her gramma. Is a werewolf and a metaphor for puberty. Loves her friends. Can break her bones to reshape her body into various animal forms.

Not only did she have to lose her grandmother, but she also nearly dies of starvation and exhaustion until The Big Bad Wolf, aka Death, convinced her to live, by her killing him and eating his flesh, therefore making her Death

Ylfa has a snazzy orange top hat given to her by a very attractive fairy. Three Blind Mice is her favorite story. She brought her grandma lollipopcorn and threw the broth in the river halfway there. She first developed a crush on Pinocchio when she saw him use his nose as a stripper pole and didn't kiss him until they were twenty-one and having an awkward conversation about her grandma's death and Toy Island. She fought a baron with a spoon. She wants a bra. She jumped into The Terrible Dogfish’s stomach to save her friend. She has pinkeye and grandma hobbies. She fought off a shit ton of homicidal tables at once. She is pals with Little Miss Muffet. She killed her family. She sacrificed the memory of her grandmother to become Death. She was basically adopted by Mother Goose (who is a cool old gay dude). She Wildshapes by horribly contorting her body into animalistic forms. She is a Barbarian who acts as a support character. She is the bravest little girl in the whole world.

Behold, 3 minutes of the weirdest and best little girl! [Link]

Her weirdgirl swag is off the charts :) [Link]

Ylfa Propaganda: [Link]

Little Red Riding Hooded Mercenary:

come on just look at her shes so fucking cool

SHES SOOOOOOOO FUCKING COOOOLL ok so like. Lobotomy Corporation takes place in an SCP type facility where a bunch of abnormalities are living. She is one of them. She is a mostly undying humanoid creature that lives for the sole sake of hunting down the Big And Will Be Bad Wolf. She lives in your facility and will BREAK OUT of her containment if she feels that the wolf is near (or if too many people are dying). You can also hire her to assist you in taking down other abnormalities, and she's actually super good at it. And her outfit is just so sooo sick? She's so cool. Please play Lobotomy Corporation it goes on sale for like $7 every Steam Sale

She's red riding hood if red riding hood had a gun. Also she kisses women

Monster based on human subconscious aka an Abnormality based on the story of Little Red Riding Hood (duh). In this story, she was mauled by the wolf (Big And Might Be Bad Wolf) who is based on all fairy tale wolf villains. Little Red then got to work plotting her revenge and making Bloodborne-esque gear for herself and the two Abnos are locked in eternal combat of hatred for one another

She's literally the coolest, just look at her. For people who might not be so familiar with her: She's one of the abnormalities that remain locked in the Lobotomy Corporation. Her past is somewhat unclear, but she has some horrid scars on her face due to the Big Bad Wolf and she swore vengeance upon him because of that incident. This lead her to become a mercenary and she looks 1000% scarier and more badass than the wolf lol. Also, asides from the fact that she may kill half of your team if she escapes containment, she is quite chill and will even help you take care of your problems if you pay her.

little red riding hood but consumed by vengeance to the point of becoming an anomalous creature hellbent on completing her eternal battle with the wolf. intense desire for revenge. baller as fuck design. will help you kill other escaping abnormalities but you gotta pay her to do it. gets pissed off every time someone escapes containment except for that one annoying bird for absolutely no discernible reason. if you let her kill the wolf she gives you bonuses but if someone else kills the wolf she goes fucking bananas. truly an inspired feral creature of a woman.

Go girl!!! We love your unrestrained violence!

She is literally the absolute coolest!!! I mean, just look at her design! Everything about it screams fucking cool! Not to mention that her story has themes of vengeance, rage, and grief!!! And Lobotomy corporation is just the fucking best and soooooo underrated.

She's starting to fall behind so GO ON AND VOTE MERC WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! (and buy Lobotomy Corp on steam it's not even that expensive!)

Vote for Riding Hooded Mercenary she's an Abnormality serving as a hired merc that means shes a hunter of her own kind and she WILL chase them to the ends of earth lest she dies herself or knows that damn Wolf is nearby. The cursor for sending hits on something is a wanted poster. She's WAW-classed too, a step below the most dangerous category for her ilk. she shares the class with things such as insane-ass magical girls, an eyeless flower horse turns people into wisteria gardens, fucked up and evil Little Prince, a bird judge that hangs its victims, the now-animate poisoned apple that killed Snow White, and of course the Wolf itself.

[lovecanbesostrange]

ouattober2023 Day 4: Fav Quote

"You're Frankenstein. And I'm the werewolf. I ate my boyfriend. Regina thought she was punishing us by erasing who we were. But I think she underestimated how much crap we wanted to forget."

-- Ruby, 2x12 In the Name of the Brother

I can't do pretty graphics to collect some funny, insightful, inspiring moments. But I can think of one of my favorite scenes from Season 2, that set up a big theme (that sadly wasn't followed through imho) and I can ramble about it.

First of all shout out to the FrankenWolf shippers out there. While I'm not invested, I can see the appeal to this. This moment set up a monster angle nicely, a cool contrast to the (Disney) fairytale about princesses and love. It's a step removed from just villain, monsters can live in the inbetween. Imagine Ruby and Whale being around when Mr Hyde showed up (throw in a vampire, because Storybrooke deserves to have a previously unmentioned castle somewhere with a suspiciously coffin-shaped table in the living room).

So, that quote? Masterful. Even in a town filled with all sorts of people of peculiar backgrounds (dwarves, fairies, witches, talking animals), some come with a stigma, marked as bad. This goes with what Leroy says in the same episode, when he mentions E.T. and getting cut up by the government, which goes for everything magic. A follow-up to him and Ruby bringing up that point the episode prior. Some magic wasn't even liked in the Enchanted Forest. It was a dangerous place, not just songbirds and romance.

Not to be a Regina-apologist (yes, given them indoor plumbing surely improved some aspects of life), she very much doomed them to a certain kind of misery. But I love how Ruby here - without anybody of significance (sorry, Whale) hearing - frames the curse as a second chance. Free from the burden of accidentally killing her True Love. Free from the wolf altogether, until magic hit (which is Rumple's doing). It is also interesting to remember that for Regina to enjoy her triumph, she had to remember everything that had happened. She had to keep the good and the bad for her victory. The townsfolk lived mundane lives, void of their happy endings, but also not knowing the full horrors of their lives (look at all the trauma that gets uncovered later on).

For the whole of Season 2 this is a great moment. It goes hand in hand with David and Mary Margaret arguing about where to live, do they even want to go back? It follows up on how dangerous it could be to have magic in a world without magic (becoming a circus attraction). It's also a reminder that "back home" means tragedy and misery for some. What does it mean to have this second "modern world persona" intigrated, to be a somewhat new person.

Of course being the Ruby stan I am, I love this quote for the simple angst of it all. And the way Ruby speaks about Peter's death is a whole evolution. (So far as to maken a joke out of it in front of Merida and Mulan, until she finally uses the word "killed" instead of "ate" when talking to Dorothy.) The whole monster-to-monster thing is cute and I wouldn't have minded a friendship coming out of it. A specific perspective when confronting new threats. And I wish I could have seen Ruby laughing in Regina's face "You think being held back in life by staying with my sick grandma is the worst??". Cursed!Ruby was a naive smalltown girl dreaming big, she was not happy and felt stuck. Yeah, sure sucks. But Red carried the burden of killing innocent people unknowingly and even killing her own mother, when choosing herself instead of what anybody else wants her to do. Red's freedom came with a high price. (And then her loneliness continues, while her friends move on, oops.)

[agnerd-bot]

Fate Fanservant: Red Riding Hood, Wayward Hunter of the Forest(Pretender)

Ascension Stages:

First Stage: Red Riding Hood’s iconic cloak, the outside a deep crimson and the inside a gleaming golden, rests on her shoulders, coupled with a white shirt and a black skirt. A pair of glasses is perched on the bridge of her nose, and a huntsman’s rifle hangs over her shoulder. 

Second Stage: The rifle is replaced by a pair of twin woodcutter axes, and a pair of wolf ears now poke out from her head. Her hood is pulled further over her head in an attempt to hide these features, shadowing parts of her eyes. Red Riding Hood’s left arm is transformed to that of a werewolf’s claws, and her teeth are narrowed and sharpened.

Final Stage: Red has now taken the form of a massive white werewolf, towering over everything in sight, her mouth split into four parts and revealing a blinding white light within. In her hands is a titanic blade shining with the light of the sun, and on her head is a crown of four antler-like horns. Her red cloak continues to billow in the wind behind her.

Theme:

Traits:

Class: Pretender, Beast

Alternate Class: Assassin, Archer

True Name(s): Little Red Riding Hood, The Big Bad Wolf, The Werewolf of Auvergne, Fenrir, The Beast of Gevaudan, Beast IV: R

Source: French Fairy Tales Norse Mythology, French Legend

Region: France

Alignment: Chaotic Evil Attribute: Beast

Known as: Blanchette, Le Petit Chaperon Rouge, Rotkäppchen The Beast of Ragnarok, The Beast of Rampage, The Monster That Heralds the End Times, The Beast of Childhood Fables, Mankind’s Fear of Wolves

Voice Actress: Inoue Marina

Deck: QABBB

Parameters:

Strength: A+ Endurance: EX Agility: B Mana: C Luck: D NP: EX

Passive Skills:

??? A:

A power granted to the one who lay claim over the dark forests themselves, yet one still unknown by Chaldea.

(FGO Effect:)

-Increases own critical damage by 12%. -Increases own damage by 250.

Independent Manifestation E(X):

A skill common to her class, Red Riding Hood's nature is to stray off of the set path she is meant to take, instead opting for the journey to take a more 'scenic route'. No matter who gives her the warning or how the tale is told, Red Riding Hood will always wander off the beaten path one way or another. As a result, it is incredibly hard for Red Riding Hood to be properly corralled into doing something without her either getting lost, getting distracted, or simply having horrible luck.

"Whoops! Where did the time go? Guess I should've listened to those instructions better, huh?"

In reality, Red Riding Hood's own flighty nature and unreliability is a facade, meant to lure those around her into a false sense of security. Whenever Red Riding Hood ends up 'getting lost', she is furthering her own goals as a Beast. As her ultimate goals are the collapse of all histories of man, she is immune to any type of temporal anomaly, and so long as a world has a fear of the unknown wilderness, she can manifest there. 

(FGO Effect:)

-Increases own critical damage by 10%. -Increases own Instant-Kill resistance by 10%. -Decreases own mental debuff resistance by 10%[Demerit].

Basket Full of Goods B:

In almost every version of Little Red Riding Hood, the little girl carries a basket with her full of cake and sweets, meant to help her grandmother get better. It was for this reason that she entered into the Big Bad Wolf's forest in the first place, having been sent out by her mother to give grandma this gift basket. Even the Big Bad Wolf wished to consume of the goods once he learned of its contents, and ate the cake and wine after consuming Red Riding Hood and her grandmother.

As a result of the story being tied to that of Red Riding Hood's delivery, this basket serves as a pseudo-Reality Marble, granting Red Riding Hood the ability to pull out vast amounts of food and drink for herself or for others. This food has the remarkable property to rejuvenate and heal those who eat it, curing ailments or enhancing performance in some way. Red Riding Hood claims to have made all the food herself, but the actual proof of such has not been documented yet.

(FGO Effect:)

-If in First Ascension, recover a random ally's HP by 600 each turn. -If in Second Ascension, recover all allies' HP by 200 each turn. -If in Third Ascension, recover own health by 500 each turn.

Active Skills:

Gentle Hand Stained Red A:

Red.

Red is the color that has defined her. It has become her name, her sole means of identity. Few people know of her True Name, and even fewer even care to speak of it in favor of her title of 'Red Riding Hood'. From the wine and cake she brought to her grandmother's house, to the wolf's tongue that spoke of gentle lies into her ear, to the strange meat that sat in her grandmother's cupboard, to the wolf's insides after she swallowed her whole. Red was the first thing she saw after the woodsman pulled her out from the monster's corpse, and red is the trail her hood left behind on this world.

Red is the color of slaughter and death. Red is who she is.

(FGO Effect:)

-Increase Attack of all 'Fairy Tale' Servants for three turns. -Increase NP Gauge of all 'Fairy Tale' Servants for three turns. -Increases own Buster performance on 'Forest Battlefield' for three turns. -Increases own Critical Strength on 'Forest Battlefield' for three turns.

Hunter that Roams the Mountains C:

A talent acquired through years of hunting and exploring the mountains and forests of France. After exploring and understanding everything she could in the region, Red Riding Hood eventually became a peerless hunter that could survive any hardship and fell any creature that crossed her path. It mattered not what she found in her searches, she would always come out the victor. Any bear who thought they could eat her would crumble with one swing of her axe. Any rabbit who caught her eye would be shot dead by her rifle.

This skill includes knowledge of setting traps, tracking enemies, incredibly good hearing, maintenance for her weaponry, and all the other skills that are expected for any enterprising huntress. When on a forest battlefield, Red Riding Hood can only be outmatched by even greater skilled hunters such as Atalante, Orion, or William Tell. Naturally, in her native France, this skill's power increases several times over.

"And yet despite my immense talents, here I am, still needing glasses to see five feet ahead of my face... The Throne of Heroes really is a titanic mess of a place, isn't it..."

(FGO Effect:)

-Increases damage against all ‘Beast’, ‘Child’, and ‘Elderly’ Servants for three turns. -Apply Skill Seal and NP Seal on all ‘Divine’ Units, including allies, for one turn. -Apply Skill Seal and NP Seal on all ‘Prophesied Hero’ Units, including allies, for one turn(has a chance to stack with ‘Divine’ effect) -500% Chance to grant self Forest Battlefield buff for three turns.

Seeker of Glory and Fame:

The skill held by a Servant who dedicated their life to making themselves known in history. However, despite Red Riding Hood's pride in her talents, she does not have much in the way of desire for fame and fortune, leaving it unknown why she has this skill in particular.

Before being betrayed by the Aesir, the beast known as Fenrir desired to attain a place as a great figure of the Norse pantheon, to the point where he arrogantly accepted a challenge from the gods, letting himself be bound in iron chains to prove his strength. When the gods successfully bound him with Gleipnir, they jeered and mocked him for his aspirations, giving him the nickname 'Hróðvitnir', or 'famous-wolf.' Since then, Fenrir has borne a grudge against all gods for their actions against him, and when the time comes, he will break free of his bonds and wreak his terrible vengeance on all that lives.

For if Fenrir cannot make his fame as a hero of legend and might, then he will go down in infamy as a villain feared by all.

(FGO Effect:)

-Gain a large amount of Critical Stars. -Increase own Critical Star absorption for three turns. -Apply Guts to self(two times, five turns).

Noble Phantasms

Noble Phantasm: Le Petit Chaperon Rouge - The Blessed Hood of Gold and Flame

Rank: B Maximum Targets: 1 Range: — Classification: Anti-Unit(Self)

The titular Red Riding Hood that Blanchette wore on that fateful day, and the most recognizable part of her legend. In some versions of the tale, this cloak was spun by her grandmother from a ray of sunshine and enchanted to bless the young Red Riding Hood with safe passage. Due to the nature of the hood, it serves as a powerful deterrent against those with evil intentions and a defense against magical curses. The cape can also be used offensively, swung around to leave a trail of flame in its wake that burns those who seek to do her harm.

In addition to its use in combat, the cape also can be used as a form of disguise. By pulling the hood over her face, Red can alter her appearance to look like another person, blending in even among close friends. However, these disguises are not perfect, and those with strong enough perceptions or the ability to see through illusions will be able to realize they're being deceived very quickly. In addition, those who are close to the person Blanchette is disguising herself will be able to detect small holes in her disguise over time, even if those flaws are not readily obvious.

(FGO Effect:)

-Deal heavy damage to all enemies. -Decrease ATK for 3 turns to all enemies. -Decrease Defense for 3 turns to all enemies. -Chance to Stun all enemies.

Noble Phantasm: Le Grand Méchant Loup - The Monster that Waits Outside Your Door

Rank: EX Maximum Targets: — Range: — Classification: Anti-World(Self)

The Big Bad Wolf itself, the most infamous monster of fairy tales. After the traumatic experience at nearly being slain by the monster and eating her own grandmother, Blanchette became obsessed with it, over time growing into a beast herself, the Loup-Garou, a monster driven by madness and hunger, uncaring of who or what she slew. Such is the true nature of Little Red Riding Hood, a foolish young girl that became a monster after facing the awful truth.

As a Beast of Humanity, Red Riding Hood has become of a living embodiment of mankind's fear of wolves, taking on aspects of multiple wolves in folklore, such as the Wolf from Aesop's Fables, the Romanian Pricolici, the Inuit Amarok, and the Greek Lycaon. Among the two most fearsome aspects of this transformation, however, are the Beast of Gevaudan and Fenrir. The former was a wolf famous for killing and eating over one hundred people, becoming an infamous terror across the French countryside. The latter is one of the beings fated to destroy all things in the time of Ragnarok, slaying Odin and swallowing the sun itself. Combined with the Big Bad Wolf, Red Riding Hood essentially becomes a nigh-unstoppable force of gluttony.

When using this Noble Phantasm, Red transforms into an impossibly massive werewolf that towers over all, destroying everything in its path by merely breathing. Despite the monster's size, the greatest power it holds comes from within. Much like the stories, the Big Bad Wolf's hunger is insatiable, able of consuming anything and everything it pleases. This manifests as an entirely separate dimension within the Beast, where everything it swallows enters with next to no hope for a possible escape. Because of its size, it can eat nearly anything, from Novum Chaldea, to entire Singularities, to even the entirety of Proper Human History given enough time.

Noble Phantasm: Vargr Ragnarök - The Song that Sings of The End of All Creation

Rank: EX Maximum Targets: “All the better to kill you with.” Range: “All the better to reach you with.” Classification: Anti-Narrative

A secondary Noble Phantasm to Le Grand Méchant Loup, Vargr Ragnarök is a devastating ability that is the sister Noble Phantasm to Loptr Laegjarn. It is said that when Fenrir breaks free of his bindings, the end of the world shall begin, and the Age of Gods will be no more. So fearsome is the chaos and noise from Fenrir and Jormungandr's rampage that the heavens themselves split open. This prophecy manifests as a ferocious howl that can rend entire worlds asunder, driving those who hear it in a maddened fear as the very concept of Ragnarök is forced upon the victim's minds.

So great is this Noble Phantasm's power, it can conceptually force the idea of 'an ending' onto its target. As Fenrir's eating of both the sun and moon is the last event that will herald the end of the Age of Gods, when the Big Bad Wolf uses this Noble Phantasm, the very idea of 'the end' will be set into place, and the fall of this Noble Phantasm's target would be fated to happen, becoming a destiny that is next to impossible to overcome. Only a Noble Phantasm explicitly meant to defy the fates themselves could destroy the destiny that this Noble Phantasm sets into place.

Voice Lines (Red Riding Hood):

Summoned: So this is Chaldea? A land where heroes from all lands and all stories gather. To think a simple peasant like myself is considered important enough to be here... It's kind of humbling, I have to admit. Ah, where are my manners? Bonjour, folks call me Little Red Riding Hood. Well, I guess I'm not really 'Little' anymore, huh? Either way, I'll lend my axe and rifle to whatever purpose you need. Wherever the monsters are walking, I won't be far behind.

Summoned(Post-True Name Narration): ...heh. Kehahahahahahaha! Well, well, well, we meet again so soon, huh, Master of Chaldea? I must say, the facility looks none the worse for wear after I got through with it. Tell me, how're your little friends? Awwwww... Don't look at me like that, ma biquette... You look much prettier with a smile on.

Level Up 1: *crunch crunch* Mmmm... nice and sweet, but it's missing something, non?

Level Up 2(Post-True Name Narration): Feed me. C'mon. I'm starving!

1st Ascension: So this is Servant Ascension... I look good, don't you think? My body is stronger, my senses are sharper, all to make me a better Servant that can help you take down your enemies. Eh, you say there's something wrong with my ears? Hehe... All the better to hear my enemies, non?

2nd Ascension: What's wrong, ma biquette? You seem... nervous. There's no need to be afraid of what walks in the woods. I was, when I was a kid. Then I learned to pick up an axe. Monsters, demons, creatures that go bump in the night, they all have one thing in common. Not one of them is scarier than I am.

3rd Ascension: Hmmm... That feels nice. It's good to be able to stretch my legs and feel the sun at my back again. And I have you to thank for this, ma biquette... The Big Bad Wolf is at your service. I'll feast on whoever you order me to feast upon, break your enemies' bones upon my teeth, and swallow the world itself all in your name. And when all is said and done... I suppose you'll serve as a nice dessert.

4th Ascension: I don't know whether it's because you're that much of a fool or because you fear me... Either way, you've doomed yourself now, ma biquette. Locked in a room with the Big Bad Wolf. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide... Kehehehehe... How should I end your life? Should I tear out your throat? Shoot you in the brain? Maybe slice you to ribbons? Or maybe I should just swallow you whole! ... Hah! Just kidding~! There's no fun in doing something so obvious so easily. No, I have a much better idea... I'll let you look over your shoulder and wait for the day I eat you alive. Watching, waiting for me to make my move.... And when you break down in fear, the Big Bad Wolf will pounce on the foolish young Master, and Little Red Riding Hood will live happily ever after... The end.

Fight Start 1: Ohhhh…! Who’s that I see walking in these woods?

Fight Start 2: Damn, have I gotten lost again?

Fight Start 1(Third Ascension): Yes, yes, eliminate the enemy, I know…

Fight Start 2(Third Ascension): Well, what little morsels do we have here?

Skill 1: Hmm, hmm, hmm~

Skill 2: Let’s see what I’ve got here…

Skill 1(Third Ascension): Time to eat~!

Skill 2(Third Ascension): AROOOOOOOOOO!

Command Card Select 1: My, what big eyes you have!

Command Card Select 2: Oh, what big ears you have!

Command Card Select 3: Well, what big teeth I have…

Command Card Select 1(Third Ascension): Meat shall be eaten…

Command Card Select 2(Third Ascension): Bones shall be crunched…

Command Card Select 3(Third Ascension): Blood will be sucked up dry…

Noble Phantasm Select: The hunt has reached its conclusion…

Noble Phantasm Select(Third Ascension): Just in time for the feast…

Attack 1: Lock.

Attack 2: Stock.

Attack 3: Barrel.

Attack 4: Did you think you could outmaneuver me?

Attack 5: You walked right into my trap!

Extra Attack 1: You’re mine!

Extra Attack 2: Time to cut you open!

Attack 1(Third Ascension): Odin sought to bind me!

Attack 2(Third Ascension): Tyr chose to betray me!

Attack 3(Third Ascension): Sòl believed she could run from me!

Attack 4(Third Ascension): Nowhere to run.

Attack 5(Third Ascension): Nowhere to hide!

Attack 6(Third Ascension): THIS IS THE END FOR YOU!

Extra Attack 1(Third Ascension): AND YET, HERE I STAND!

Extra Attack 2(Third Ascension): AROOOOOOOOOO!

Noble Phantasm 1:

A gift, woven from the very rays of the sun themselves.

Given to a woman whose kindness knew no bounds.

Guarding me, protecting me from the evils that roam these woods.

Are you a villain or a hero? Let the Red Hood decide.

Le Petit Chaperon Rouge...

Noble Phantasm 2:

Stray off the path, to your own detriment.

For these woods have beasts roaming them.

And yet none are to be as feared as I am.

Fear me, monsters, for I am Little Red Riding Hood.

Noble Phantasm 3:

When you walk through the forests, be sure to greet me with a smile.

I shall return in kind.

An exchange of words, a bow to your partner, and so the story is set in motion.

None of us can escape our fates now...

And yet, I will still continue to try.

Noble Phantasm 1(Third Ascension):

Kehahahaha…

Tell me, little one, why have you entered my forest?

Have you gotten lost? Or perhaps you meant to find me all this time.

Either way, you’ve come just in time…

For the feast.

Le Grand Méchant Loup…

Noble Phantasm 2(Third Ascension):

Come, step closer, my dear…

Let me see you…

Let me hear you…

Let me embrace you…

Let me…

TASTE YOU!

Le Grand Méchant Loup!

Damage from Noble Phantasm: I’m sorry, was that meant to hurt?

Regular Damage: Tch!

Defeated 1: Hey, wait! This isn’t how the story goes…!

Defeated 2: Ghhh… I’ll put a bullet between your eyes yet…!

Defeated 1(Third Ascension): Grr… Don’t think this is over!

Defeated 2(Third Ascension): No… No, I’ll tear you to shreds!

Victory 1: That was a fun little detour, wouldn’t you say?

Victory 2: I wonder if I can carve anything off here…

Victory 1(Third Ascension): Kehahahahaha! It’s not enough for me! Come on, onto the next meal!

Victory 2(Third Ascension): Was that supposed to feed me? That barely qualifies as a crumb.

My Room Dialogue(Red Riding Hood):

Bond Level 1: Hey, do you have anything to eat around here? I'm starving... I haven't eaten in the last... Ten? Fifteen minutes? ...hey, why are you giving me that weird look? I'm a growing girl, ya know.

Bond Level 2: You know, it's quite nice around here, I gotta say. Reminds me of when I once spent a time as the wife of a nobleman. Hm? You don't know that story? Hehe, the long and short of it is, I spent some time in Auvergene region, and I settled down for a bit. It didn't last long, but it was a fun little affair. I'll tell you all about it later.

Bond Level 3: It's nice having the chance to sit and talk with you. You've got so much to bear, with the Incineration of Humanity and the Death of Proper Human History, but you still find time to relax and forget about the hard times. I feel a lot of people could learn from that kinda mindset. Who cares about how much is lost, and how much will be lost? You're alive, you've got friends with you, and you got food to eat. Hehe! Sometimes, nothing's better than just shooting the breeze, eh?

Bond Level 4: Thank you for taking me this far... I mean, I never expected that you'd put so much faith in me. I'm really just a kid from the sticks who picked up a rifle and chose to hunt. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna disappoint you. I know I've already made an oath, but let me say it again: I will take up arms, and whatever enemies the world sends here, I will hunt them down. This I swear to you, ma biquette...

Bond Level 5: This hood of mine... It's my entire identity, the totality of my own existence. Most Servants would probably hate the idea of their names being lost to time, but I don't think I mind it. My grandmother made this hood, wove it out of sunlight, and gave it to protect me. It's like she's always with me, even after she's gone. I wonder if she'd be proud of me now…

Dialogue 1: I hate being cooped up like this… Don’t we have any missions to do or something? Being stuck inside is the woooooooorst!

Dialogue 2: Hm? You want to know about my glasses? Well, my eyes were always pretty bad ever since I was a kid. Thankfully, it seems that manifesting in this era lets me correct that annoying little problem of mine. Plus, they make me look clever, don’t you agree?

Dialogue 3: Nggh… This damn hand of mine always starts to itch at the worst time! Damnit, why won’t you behave! *scratch scratch*

Dialogue 4 (If you have Cinderella): The Queen of Fairy Tales herself! I must admit, I’ve never been the company of royalty! Tell me your majesty, should I bow, or curtsy? Eh? I don’t need to do that? C’mon, why shouldn’t I if you’re supposed to be so important?

Dialogue 5 (If you have Pinocchio): The wooden boy himself… I almost forgot what it was like, being able to walk around without a care in the world. Heh, then again, I guess that’s why you fight, isn’t it? So little boys like him can be so carefree?

Dialogue 6 (If you have Dame Gothel): The witch of the tower herself. To think that such a feared and legendary villain would end up walking the halls of heroes and champions… Hah! Guess that goes to show that this world really is unpredictable!

Dialogue 7 (If you have William Tell or Atalante): To think Chaldea had such amazing hunters walking its halls! I almost feel kinda bashful having to match up to hunters like these!

Dialogue 8 (If you have Goldilocks): Eh? Oh, it's Goldie! Nice to see a friendly face here for once... Ya hungry? C'mon, let's get something to eat, I'm starving. Drinks on me, hey?

Dialogue 9 (If you have Nursery Rhyme): The childhood storybook herself, eh? I’m more particular to Mother Goose, myself, but I suppose she has her place here, too.

Dialogue 10 (If you have Scheherazade): The queen who told of 1001 Nights… I have to say, I admire her will to see her story through, even when faced with the spectre of death. I wonder what kind of stories she’d have to say about me…

Dialogue 11 (If you have Marie Antoinette): To think the Queen of France is a fan of my story to the point that she dresses like me… Hah! As a peasant from the forests, it’s kind of mind-boggling, to say the least!

Dialogue 12 (If you have Barghest): Ehhh… Master, I don’t want to bother you, but is it possible to keep me in a room separate from this one? She keeps giving me weird looks… I don’t think she and I are the kind to get along, to be blunt.

Likes: What do I like? Well, it’s hard to go wrong with a good meal. Something sweet is best, like a fine wine or a shortcake… But I’m good with anything, really.

Dislikes: Talking about the past is too gloomy for my tastes. All these Servants talking about their regrets and pain… It’s a lot nicer to try and look to the future, non?

About the Holy Grail: The Holy Grail, huh…? Infinite potential in such a tiny little goblet. …the things I could do with it. I guess if I had to pick one… It’d be to have dinner with the huntsman I met all those years ago. I don’t think I ever had the chance to thank him…

During an Event: Seems that a new hunting ground has opened up for us. Shall we head out, ma biquette?

Birthday: Happy birthday! Might as well break out the sweets, non? I hope you don’t mind, but I already ate some of them. …most of them. …all of them. Ah, well the main point is to celebrate another year of your life, isn’t it?

Profile(Red Riding Hood):

Default:

As far back as 10th Century France, among the most terrifying beasts said to roam the lands were bzou, better known as werewolves. Terror and fear of these monsters ran rampant across the continent of Europe, with wolves being seen as near-demonic entities that deserved to be destroyed. Out of this fear, the story of Little Red Riding Hood was born.

There have been many different versions of this story told by countless authors around the world. The first written version, and the most famous, was by Charles Perrault in the 17th Century as a part of his famous compendium of stories 'Tales of Mother Goose', which also introduced the trademark red hood she is famous for today.

Despite her being most iconic as a little girl, she instead manifests as a fully-grown adult, arming herself with two razor-sharp axes and a powerful hunting rifle to fell any creature that stands in her path. If asked why she has become a hunter, her response would simply be a wide grin and the statement.

"Because that man gave me the desire to hunt."

Bond Level 1:

Height/Weight: 215cm • 117kg/Bigger Than You Source: French Fairy Tales Region: France Alignment: Chaotic • Evil Gender: Female

"From this story one learns that children, especially young lasses, pretty, courteous and well-bred, do very wrong to listen to strangers, And it is not an unheard thing if the Wolf is thereby provided with his dinner. I say Wolf, for all wolves are not of the same sort; there is one kind with an amenable disposition – neither noisy, nor hateful, nor angry, but tame, obliging and gentle, following the young maids in the streets, even into their homes. Alas! Who does not know that these gentle wolves are of all such creatures the most dangerous!"

-Charles Perrault, 'Little Red Riding Hood'

Bond Level 2:

A fair and good-hearted girl, Little Red Riding Hood is one of the most famous heroines of fairy tales to ever live, only matched in her fame by figures such as Cinderella and Snow White. Due to her innocent nature and love of exploration, many people find themselves resonating with her in some way.

However, it is that same innocence that doomed her to be captured and eaten by the wolf, and it was only through random chance that she manages to escape thanks to the woodsman.

As an adult, Red Riding Hood has learned from her past mistakes. While still bearing a wide grin and a love for the outdoors, she is far more clever than she lets on, having killed many wolves who assumed that she'd be as easy of a victim as she was before.

Simply put, she is prey who has become an apex predator in her own right.

Bond Level 3:

Despite taking on the role of a hunter, Red Riding Hood does not like to talk about the matter of death. Her reasons for why tend to differ every time. "It's not fun to talk about those things, so why bother?" "It's not the time to focus on those dead and gone." "They're dead. What does it matter what they have to say?"

For Red Riding Hood, dwelling on the death and despair of the world is an errand left to fools. Why would anyone bother mourning over the dead and lost, when it's far more fun to rejoice over the fact that you're still alive? Why would you dare worry about the past or future when the present lay before your eyes? What use is it to focus on the dismal and sad when it's far more fun to just eat, drink, and hunt?

Yes, what is the point of living in a world of pain and misery?

Bond Level 4:

A red cloak, woven from the very sunbeams themselves, flows behind her as she walks through the forest. The leaves crunch beneath her feet as she swings around her basket merrily, blissfully unaware of the monsters at every turn. A fistful of flowers is clenched tight in her hands, a kind suggestion from a wolf in the forest. After all, why wouldn't her grandmother enjoy some nice flowers from the meadow? She can see it now, her and granny eating cake and drinking wine as they admire the flowers the wolf had found for her.

Raising her hand, she raps on the door, once, twice, only for the door to swing open slowly. For some reason, she feels a chill going down her spine, but she does not know why. Her grandmother's house is the same as it always is, and yet all the same, there is something terribly wrong. She peers in, and sees nothing but darkness, and hears nothing but a beckoning voice call out from the shadows.

"Shut the door well, my little lamb. Rest your basket on the table and eat. I know you must have walked a long way, after all. After that, come rest with me in bed and take off your coat. It's been so long since we've slept together, hasn't it?"

Despite the fear that gripped her heart, Red Riding Hood obeyed, walking into the darkness as the wolf's jaws tightened.

Bond Level 5:

"To think, it'd end up going this way... I thought I was so clever... But then he came in and caught me. Ah... Ahhh, what rotten luck I have... I guess this whole affair couldn't last for me, huh? Such a shame. It was a lot of fun, getting to roam around like this."

"..."

"...it's nice, though. Getting to see the sunlight one last time. It's so nice... So warm... I can feel it all around me now."

"Ah, Granny... I'm sorry that you had to be cursed with such a stupid granddaughter like me. If I'd only listened to you, maybe we'd get the chance to be happy together. Thank you, Granny... For everything."

Extra (Clear Interlude “World of Hopes and Dreams - Happily Ever After”):

The one who saved Little Red Riding Hood was no god or hero. He was no king or saint. No, her savior came in the form of a simple human huntsman, who came across her grandmother's house by mere luck. All the same, the huntsman saved her from being eaten by the monstrous werewolf, and for that, he was more great a champion than all of the Nine Worthies combined.

After that horrible day, Little Red Riding Hood was driven to be a hunter herself, taking up arms and becoming a wanderer of the forest in her own right. She never got the name of the man who saved her, and she never saw his face ever again, but the impact he had on her life was incalculable.

If she could have one possible wish to make on the Holy Grail... It would be to know the man who had saved her then, and then let him kill her.

My Room Dialogue(Post-True Name Narration):

Bond Level 1(Third Ascension):Oh? What, you wish to have a little small talk? Kehahahahahahaha! Isn't that a bit presumptuous of you? Aren't you afraid I might just get bored and make a meal of you? … *snrk* Yeah, right. Might as well get to know each other. I'm bored of sitting around anyways.

Bond Level 2(Third Ascension): Do you still insist on trying to understand me? Trying to peel back the layers and find out what kind of damaged person I am? Hah! If you consider that a fun way to pass the time, I won't stop you. But are you sure you'll like what you'll find in the end?

Bond Level 3(Third Ascension): Why do you continue to try and have conversations with me? Is it because you wish to know more about the Beasts of Humanity? Or is it because you don't trust me to be on my own? I wonder what kind of game you're playing at, ma biquette? What is your purpose in trying to talk with me...

Bond Level 4(Third Ascension): Did you ever consider that perhaps the bond we share is nothing more than a false reality? That the connections we share don't even exist to begin with? Perhaps you merely see me as another tool to be used. Perhaps I see you as another potential meal in the end. Does that make the time we've spent any less meaningful? Perhaps. Or maybe it makes it all that more important to carry. Regardless, the day will come when one of us leaves the other forever. Until then, why not enjoy what little time we have left.

Bond Level 5(Third Ascension): You know... You're such a tiny thing, now that I look at you. With one swipe of my paws, I could crush your body into a fine paste. With a single breath, I could reduce you to nothing but ashes in the wind. And yet here you are, staring up at me without fear, treating me as an equal... What the hell kind of monster are you, Master of Chaldea? Are you just a nascent Beast like me? Or are you a monster even worse than that... I guess only time will tell, huh? Kehahahaha... I can't wait to see what kind of hunter you become, ma biquette.

Dialogue 1: *crunch* *snap* …what do you want? Let me eat in peace.

Dialogue 2: Hey, do you mind doing something about the little fluffball? It seems my predecessor doesn’t like having me sit in his spot… If you don’t move him, I may just decide to have a snack.

Dialogue 3: Nnn? What is it? If you’re fine wasting your jaw about talking about pointless things, I may just eat it myself.

Dialogue 4 (If you have Cinderella): Ah yes, little miss Queen of Fairy Tales. Hiding behind a face of stoic calm and regality... But we both know that's just a facade. You're like me, aren't you? You're angry at this world... You want to lash out and scream against all the wrong that's been done to you. So, tell me... Why won't you? How can you sit there, so calm, so elegant, despite everything that's happened?! Huh?! Tell me!

Dialogue 5 (If you have Pinocchio): The little pilgrim made of pine... I'm sorry, but I don't think I can ever see the world through your little painted eyes. But it's nice to know, I guess. That some have the chance to have their eyes hidden from the horrors of the world.

Dialogue 6 (If you have Dame Gothel): Dame Gothel, the witch who haunted the fairy tales... A monster who lurked in tales told thousands of times... Aching for a chance to escape the narrative... Perhaps that's why she wanted to believe in me so badly. Or perhaps she just hates mankind that much. Either way, she was a nice pawn for me while it lasted... Though I don't think she'd like to hear that if I'm honest.

Dialogue 7 (If you have William Tell): ...no, he's not the same. But he's so close... No, forget it. It's nothing. ...hey, old man! Fancy a shooting contest? My rifle against your crossbow?

Dialogue 8 (If you have Sòl): Damnit... To think that you were hiding underneath my damn nose this whole time. Don't I feel stupid for not eating you alive when I had the chance. Still, I gotta admit, you're not as spineless as half the other gods in the Norse Pantheon. I suppose that I can't be mad at you for that.

Dialogue 9 (If you have Hans Christian Andersen or Nursery Rhyme): Oh, joy, the little brat is here to stare at me in contempt. I don't like having to be in the same room as you any more than you enjoy me, let me make it clear... I was denied my happy ending by people just like you. I intend to reclaim it however I so choose.

Dialogue 10 (If you have any ‘Sun-Related’ or ‘Moon-Related’ Servant): Oh, would you look at that? Lunch.

Dialogue 11 (If you have any ‘Beast-Class’ Servant): Oh? The Beasts of Humanity are here too? Wow, to think that my elders would all be here! Maybe we should have some coffee or wine and talk? I mean, I'd love to learn how you all can act so smug when you failed so badly...

Dialogue 12 (If you have Scathach-Skadi):  The last surviving Aesir who lived through the Twilight of the Gods... They say she became the Lostbelt King, ruling over the remains of the lands as its queen. ...kehahahahaha! What a sad joke! A sad excuse for a mother goddess, outliving all her children! Though, then again, they were less 'children' to you and more like dolls, weren't they? And you were their master, desperately trying to play out a godhood that died long ago... I don't know whether that's funny or just sad...

Dialogue 13 (If you have Qin Shi Huang): You know, Emperor of China, I quite liked the way you handled your Lostbelt. Knowledge is something that can be a far too dangerous tool in the wrong hands. You keeping it out of the hands of your people was the right way to guarantee they wouldn't be hurt. The only criticism I'd have...? You should have kept it out of your own hands.

Dialogue 14 (If you have Atalante Alter): 'Guardian of Children', huh...? To think there'd be a Champion of Humanity with such a goal... Either way, it's too late for someone like me. I'm just a monster that folks like her will eventually slaughter in pursuit of those same goals...

Likes: What do I like… Well, to put it simply, I like winning. The feeling of catching my prey off guard… The look on their faces as I stand over them, ready to end their existence… The knowledge that I’ve completely fooled them all… Kehahahaha… Well, simply put, I don’t think there’s any better feeling.

Dislikes: Those who try and prolong the inevitable are just a pain in the ass, to be honest. When the story reaches its end, you’re supposed to bow out gracefully… Instead you have losers trying to cling onto their last few breaths as if it makes a difference.

About the Holy Grail: Everyone has a wish they want to make, and if they don’t, they’re lying to your face. I’m no different. As for what it is… well, that’s a bit personal, non?

During an Event: Oh good… Fresh meat! Kehahahaha! Well what are we waiting for! Time to hunt!

Birthday: Happy Birthday! Where’s the cake, huh? *smack* Ow! Fine, fine, I’ll wait…

Voice Lines(Beast IV:R):

Fight Start: Alright, I'll play with you for a bit. I owe you that much for helping me. I'm going to enjoy how sweet this dessert tastes.

Fight Start (Decisive Battle): No more games, no more tricks. Your life ends here. Your life ends now. You stand before the herald of Ragnarök, the wolf that sings of the end. Beg, scream, and cry all you like. It changes nothing about the end.

Skill 1: The crimson hood woven from sunlight.

Skill 2: The teeth that shredded through hundreds.

Skill 3: The jaws that breached Heaven and Earth.

Attack 1: All that lives shall burn!

Attack 2: I'll crush your bones between my fangs!

Attack 3: Kehahaha... Die already!

Attack 4: Come on... Break beneath my maw!

Extra Attack: This is the end of your story!

Noble Phantasm 1:

Kehahahaha... Ahahahahaha!

Do you really think you can run from me?!

Wherever you go, whatever hole you try and slink into, I will always find you!

The only ending left for you now is to enter a world where even death itself dies!

COME NOW, AND JOIN YOUR FRIENDS IN OBLIVION!

GLEIPNIR BRAUT - VARGR RAGNARÖK!

Noble Phantasm 2:

The wolf shall rise to swallow the sun, and ascend to devour the moon.

Tremble and quake before me as the song of Ragnarok is sung.

The end of all things has arrived, and all that is, was, and will exist will be rent asunder.

As all things crumble around you and fall to pieces, know that this is my mercy.

Gleipnir Braut - Vargr Ragnarök.

The time has come to say goodbye.

Damage from Noble Phantasm: Go on, thrash and scream. It makes no difference in the end.

Damage from Noble Phantasm (Decisive Battle): Why...? Why do you still resist?!

Regular Damage: How sad... Is that your best?

Regular Damage (Decisive Battle): This joke isn't funny anymore...

Defeated (Decisive Battle): No... No, the story's not supposed to go this way! This is supposed to be the end! How did you change it?!

Profile(Beast IV:R):

Default:

Beast IV:R.

A conceptual manifestation of humanity's fear of wolves and the greater unknown that lies beyond their dwellings. A monster that has absorbed the identity of several other monsters in order to become a beast that exists solely to end human life. While the other qualifiers for Beast IV, Cath Palug and Tamamo Vitch Koyanskaya, are both animals that ascended to Beasthood, Beast IV: R is instead a mere human girl that became an animal out of anguish and grief. After losing her grandmother and consuming the flesh of the original Big Bad Wolf, Little Red Riding Hood has become a monster that hunts down and eats other monsters, humans, and anything else that lay within its sights, uncaring about the death and despair left in its wake.

As a Beast, the Big Bad Wolf embodies the sin of 'Ignorance', a monster that genuinely believes that only true happiness in this world can be found by refusing to acknowledge painful or uncomfortable truths, and choosing instead to hide within lies and innocence until the end of time itself, never exploring out of one's comfort zone and never choosing to embrace change. To this end, she seeks to achieve the ultimate stage of ignorance for all humanity by destroying all that exists until nothing but silence remains.

“Do you think that pressing forward into the darkness will make you happier? That trudging further along will lead humanity to a happy ending? No. The only ending is anguish and pain. The only path is torment and suffering. The only escape is through me. The only escape is for everything to end.”

Bond Level 1:

Unlike the King of Giants in the Scandinavian Lostbelt, who forcibly took on Fenrir's power by consuming the wolf's flesh, the connection between Little Red Riding Hood and Fenrir is an equal partnership, both seeking to end the world itself and consume everything in an insatiable hunger out of vengeance and anger for how they were wronged in the past. As such, Red Riding Hood has further access to Fenrir's powers than Surtr has, not only carrying the wolf's ability to grow impossibly large, but also harness the beast's powers over the sun and moon that it consumed upon Ragnarok, carrying power over blazing heat and burning cold. After the gods had betrayed his trust and imprisoned him within the chains, mocking him for his desire to be famous and loved, Fenrir is an entity consumed with nothing but the thoughts of vengeance and destroying everything the Aesir had made.

Alongside Fenrir's power, Red Riding Hood has also formed a union with La Bête du Gévaudan, an infamous wolf that tore through the French countryside with horrific results, killing over five hundred people and gruesomely maiming one hundred more. It is said that this monster was killed multiple times before the attacks finally stopped, and the memory of this terrible creature still persists long after its own demise. More than a mere animal, the Beast of Gévaudan is a monster that exists only to kill everything that lives and end human life.

Red Riding Hood is the third and primary identity held by this Beast, serving as the ‘face’ that speaks to the outside world and hides her true monstrous intentions underneath. As a young girl, she was lied to and forced to commit an unspeakable sin by the wolf. As an adult, she has become a wolf in her own right, and deceives all around her with lies upon lies, relishing in the chance to lord her own intellect and cruelty above others. After seeing the terrible things the truth can do firsthand, all she wants is to destroy any possible ‘truths’ that exist in this world and replace them with hollow, satisfying lies. A monster that exists by not existing, a state of being perfect for a fairy tale heroine.

Each of these creatures exist as separate identities, and yet they all are perfectly in sync. They all have identical goals to one another, and as a result, all of them choose to operate within one Servant container. Consequently, rather than being referred to as their individual names, they choose to operate under a single title: The Big Bad Wolf, the monster that haunts all childhood stories.

Bond Level 2:

A monstrosity who only exists to eat everything, leaving nothing behind but bones and blood, stalks the forest at night, leering at his latest meal. He walks up to his victim, coy and smiling, deceiving her with false words and empty promises. When the time is right, he lunges, swallowing his prey whole and relishing in her pain and sorrow. Eventually, a huntsman comes and fells the beast, and the child is freed, forever shaken.

A monstrosity who only exists to eat everything, leaving nothing behind but despair and emptiness, stalks the forest at night, leering at her latest meal. She walks up to her victim, coy and smiling, deceiving them with false words and empty promises. When the time is right, she lunges, swallowing her prey whole, and relishing in their pain and sorrow. Eventually, a huntsman comes and fells the Beast…

And the child dies, angry, afraid, and alone.

Bond Level 3:

The Beast's plot was crude, almost childishly so. After consuming the Wandering Sea, and by extension Chaldea, she tracked down the Last Master of Humanity into the Singularities she herself had set up, presenting herself as an ally that would end the scourge that was the Witch of the Tower, Dame Gothel. At the same time, she had filled the witch's heart with a false hope, promising that she would end her pain and loss from her daughter leaving her, if she helped her find the source of all humanity's stories.

The Beast watched with a smile on her face as she saw the two factions she had set up against each other battle it out to determine the fate of a humanity that was already determined, all the while choosing to disappear in the background as she worked towards her true goals of taking out human knowledge from its basest roots, consuming countless worlds as she traveled alongside Humanity's Last Master, all the while hiding the truth from their eyes.

When the time came for her to make her move, she stabbed the witch in the back with a manic grin, before revealing her true form for the Master to see. She bared her fangs in a wicked smile, filled the air with heat and wind, and revealed her monstrous true form, a massive werewolf whose jaws scraped Heaven and Earth as she swallowed all in her path. She looked down at the fools she had duped so easily, and laughed a wicked laugh, ready to feast on the little scraps of humanity that remained.

Bond Level 4:

Nega-Champion A:

A powerful and unholy ability not unlike that of Goetia's Nega-Summon or Tiamat's Nega-Genesis, this Noble Phantasm 'denies' the arrival of any great warrior or champion of humanity, repelling the forces of the divine and the just from interfering and making it impossible for those types of heroes to ever be summoned against her. The beast of the end times, Fenrir, was a monster feared and loathed by the gods, and a monster that slew the strongest god in the Norse Pantheon. The Beast of Gevaudan was a terrifying and unkillable monstrosity akin to a Demonic Beast that was ultimately defeated by a mere mortal man. The Big Bad Wolf was a horrible trickster who was ultimately defeated by a humble woodsman.

Paradoxically, this means that this Beast of Humanity is near-impossible for a Grand Candidate to truly defeat, as most, if not all of them fall under the category of great heroes or champions of some description, meaning they too would be repelled by Red Riding Hood's ability. Even if a champion could be called forth against her, nothing that they would do would have any effect, as if the Big Bad Wolf merely existed in another plane of reality., completely immune to their attempts on her life. The only type of Servant that would be able to challenge the Monster of Childhood would be a mere human, one who made their mark without the interference of gods or supernatural forces.

Simply put, this skill is one meant to deny any chance at achieving a 'happily ever after'.

Authority of the Beast A:

If Tiamat is the Mother of All Life who sings of a new beginning for all creation, Fenrir is the Monster of the End Times who heralds the fall of all that lives. While the gods jeered and mocked the wolf that heralds Ragnarok when they had safely bound it in unbreakable chains, the day when the shattered ties of Gleipnir echo throughout creation is when all things, living and dead, cower in fear. Even mighty kings are filled with panic and dread. Even gods fall to their feet and beg for mercy. All that has existed and all that will exist know instinctively that when the monster is freed from its bindings, the end of the world has arrived.

As her ultimate goal is the complete and utter annihilation of all of mankind from its very roots, the Big Bad Wolf despises its fellow Beasts Goetia, Tiamat, and the Alien God in particular, loathing their attempts to recreate humanity in their own image or to prolong the existence of doomed worlds. When the story ends, it is meant to end, nothing more, nothing less.

If they ever existed in the same time and place, her response would likely be childish taunting and rude gestures.

Bond Level 5:

As a story, Little Red Riding Hood embodies the very idea of childhood innocence and naïveté. A foolish young girl who strays off the path after being deceived by a wicked and cruel monster, and consequently has the world pulled out from under her feet as she is forced to see just how horrifying and painful life can be. Her life comes crashing down as the wolf's jeering words echo through her mind:

“You truly are a stupid little girl, aren’t you? You trusted me enough to lead me to your grandma’s house, you trusted me to take the long way home, you trusted me to strip down and remove your coat… You even trusted me enough that I could feed you your own grandmother’s flesh and blood.”

Even after the huntsman frees her from the wolf's stomach, the taste of her grandmother never truly leaves her lips, and the wolf's words never leave her mind. As her life goes on, that taste drives her further and further into a maddened hunger, desperate to experience it once again, to find the comfort of her grandmother that was lost that day and end the pain and despair that wracked her heart.

She doesn’t know when she first ate human flesh of her own free will, but she remembers the taste. Sweet. Warm. Gentle. For the first time since that night, she feels truly safe and happy. So she continues to hunt and kill, slowly becoming the very monster that destroyed her innocence all those years ago, a werewolf that roamed the French countryside and slaughtered countless innocents, and the child truly died.

At least, that's what the monster claims.

In reality, the little girl still lives, buried deep beneath the guise of a monster. She screams, roars, and shouts at the world, hating it for how it took away her grandma. Despising it for making her face the cruelty of reality. She will never forgive the world, and all she wants is to see it destroyed.

Her name is Beast IV: R, one of the Seven Evils of Humanity, and the Beast embodying the concept of 'escaping painful truths'.

Extra:

The story is always the same, no matter the time or place. The deep forests where her grandmother lived. The green mountains of Auvergene. The end of all reality where she faces off against Humanity's Last Master.

There is a wolf, there is a hunter, and there is a little girl that dies.

And yet, this time feels different. She does not feel fear or rage as her body falls. Not the terror of being swallowed whole. Not the fury of finally being punished for her crimes. No. Instead, as she looks up at the man who ended her life, she feels a comfort she hasn't felt in a long time. The figure of William Tell slowly vanishes, and in his place stands a different man. A man whose face and name has been lost to time. The man who reached out in her darkest hour and pulled her into the light.

She remembers a warm embrace as a little girl cries her eyes out in both shame and terror, a gentle hand comforting her without a word as the wolf's corpse lay at their feet, unable to hurt anyone else.

She remembers the man taking her hood, the last thing she has to remember her grandmother, and draping it over her gently. She pulls it tight around her, and the two walk off in the forest, hand in hand.

She remembers... a happy ending.

And in that moment... the wolf became a little girl once more, and a flicker of a smile flashed across her face. Despite everything, the Beast dies without feeling any pain, this one memory sending her off to sleep as countless stories throughout human history leave her body and escape out into the world.

Perhaps she never had her happily ever after... But she was happy all the same.

[peaceisadirtyword]

His favorite color (Werewolf!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: I’m so late, I'm sorry😭 I wrote this for @tephi101​ Dark Disney and Other Fairytales Writing Challenge ♥️ I chose Little Red Riding Hood with Ivar because I really wanted to write a fic in which Ivar was a werewolf, so... here it is! This was due for last week, but I'm fucking terrible and I couldn’t finish it until now💔 I’m really sorry! I hope you like it though😘

Warnings: Dark themes, smut (dubcon), mentions of blood... I tried to make this really dark, I hope it’s not pathetic lol

Words: 2449

This edit belongs to @naaladareia​ (check her post) and I absolutely loved it♥️ She kindly let me use it as a cover for this fic, (thank you love!😘). And take a look at her blog, she’s very talented!

You had the tendency to not listen to you mother. 

You thought you knew best. She was only being protective, wasn't she? You lived in a safe zone. Nothing ever happened, not even inside the dark forest. 

And it was such a nice day! You couldn't just waste it staying home, you needed to go outside. Who knows when would the sun shine like that again? You lived in a dark zone, with long winters and brief summers. You yearned to feel the sun warming your skin. 

She told you not to go out. She begged you to stay home helping her to cook and to work on the farm. Some of the animals you had had gone missing and she was scared to lose more, so she wanted you and your siblings to help your father to build a fence around the farm to keep them safe. 

You promised you'd be back at midday. You were only going to have a walk anyway, maybe visit your grandmother who lived at the other side of the forest. She had a little farm there, too, and she made the most delicious food you had ever tasted. Maybe if you went to see her, she'd give you a bit of that cheese she made. 

So, after promising your mother you'd be alright and putting on your new red hood that your mom and you older sister had made for you and which was your new favorite, you stepped into the forest. 

Though the sun was warm, it wasn't hot enough to take off your hood. And you loved it so much that you actually didn't want to. 

Your plan was simple. To find a clearing in which you could lay down and relax feeling the sun on your face. Though when you reached the clearing there was no sun to feel. 

You frowned looking at the sky. While twenty minutes earlier there was a nice clear, blue sky, now you could only see dark grey clouds. 

Where did the sun go? 

You groaned and sat down, rubbing your face with your hands. You couldn't have this bad luck! 

As you decided whether to head back home or to go to your grandma's house, you sat down under a tree, resting your head against it and closing your eyes. At least you could rest a bit in there, right?

But a noise startled you. 

It was a crack. Maybe a branch broken by an animal. It was weird as the animals never got close to the clearings, and preferred to stay near the river, where they could eat and drink more freely, hiding from the hunters' eyes. 

You would have just discarded it if you hadn't heard the deep growl that emerged from behind the bushes next to you. 

You stood up, gasping as you saw something moving in the darkness of the forest. It wasn't a rabbit or a small deer. It was something much bigger... And that growled. 

The villagers had gotten rid of most of the predator animals on the zone, that killed the animals at the farms and even attacked people. You thought there won't be any dangerous animal that close to the village. 

You might be a bit wrong. 

"Hello?" You cleared your throat, hoping it was just a hunter that tried to chase a deer. 

No one answered, but that thing growled again. 

You turned around, ready to leave the clearing and take the path to your grandmother's house, closer than your own home. But then you saw something emerging from the bushes. 

It was too big to be a normal wolf. It was completely black, but what caught your attention were his eyes. They were blue. A blue as deep as the one you loved to see on the sky. 

You gasped in fear, completely frozen. Your whole body shook as the animal approached you slowly, still growling. 

Some tears rolled down your cheek as you whimpered in pure terror. And another growl made you snap out of your trance, and you turned around and started running. 

You knew there was no chance that you could escape the wolf, but at least you'd try. Your first mistake was to go into the forest, where it was dark and you barely saw anything. The wolf was agile, you could hear him running after you, and you tripped constantly. Your tears barely let you see where you were going. 

And then you fell down. 

Your foot got caught on one of the thick roots that emerged from the earth, and you landed on the floor, your heart beating faster and faster. 

The wolf reached you. 

You could hear his paws against the earth. He circled you slowly, and you closed your eyes in fear, waiting for him to kill you. 

Please, let it be quick and painless, you prayed in silence, the tears rolling down your cheeks and falling to the dirt under you. 

But it never came. 

You opened your eyes slowly, only to find the wolf looking at you, completely still. His strange eyes were fixed on you. 

You moved, getting away from him as you panted and whimpered in fear. The wolf moved. You could swear his expression changed. Could a wolf smile? It was like he was making fun of you. Like it amused him to see you shivering and crying in fear. 

You couldn't take your eyes off of him. His eyes looked almost... Human. It definitely wasn't a normal wolf. 

He stared at you for what felt like an eternity. Until he just turned around and left. You stood there, completely still. Not truly believing that he had left. That you were still alive. 

Shaking, you managed to crawl under a fallen tree, to be more protected in case the wolf decided to come back and finish you. And there you sobbed, trembling and trying your best to be silent, even if you could barely breath. Maybe it was the adrenaline, the fear or the relief of being alive which made you pass out, hiding yourself under your red hood as the first drops of rain started falling.

______________________________________

It was only a dream. 

You sighed in relief when you felt the warmth on your face. You just fell asleep. There was no wolf, no rain. Just a beautiful, sunny day. 

But... Was a tree that comfortable?

You opened your eyes slowly, still sleepy and not really knowing where you were. 

The warmth didn't come from the sun, but from the fire that crackled in front of you. 

You gasped and sat down. You weren't leaning onto a tree, and you weren't in the clearing. 

You were in a bed, in a wooden cabin. 

Startled, you looked around. It seemed like you were alone, but you weren't at your house, and neither at your grandmother's. 

You still wore your red hood, now stained and wet. You could hear the rain pouring outside the cabin. 

Someone must have found me, you thought, someone saw me and brought me here. 

You still were scared, as you didn't know who picked you up and what intentions they might had, but at least you weren't alone on a dark forest with a giant wolf chasing you. 

The wooden door opened, and you gasped, looking at it and pressing your back against the wall next to the bed, clinging onto the furs that had been covering you. 

A man entered. He walked slowly, grunting and leaning his whole weight onto the crutches he had under his arms. He was a cripple. You frowned as he discarded the crutches after closing the door.

"I see you're awake" he said softly, not even looking at you. You didn't answer, looking as he crawled towards the bed. When his eyes fixed on yours, you shivered. Those eyes... "How are you feeling?"  

"I'm fine" you muttered "Who are you?"

You didn't know him from your village, and he seemed to be a foreigner. He didn't respond right away, but crawled to the bed and looked at you with amusement and a smirk on his pouty lips. 

"My name is Ivar" 

You frowned. He was definitely a foreigner.

"You're... Not from here, right?"

"You could say so" he chuckled, and his intense blue eyes lightened up "What's your name?" 

"Y/N" you answered warily, biting your lip.

Ivar hummed. His stare made you nervous, it scared you. You were sure you knew those eyes, but you couldn't remember from where. 

"Y/N" your name sounded soft and somewhat different on his lips "What were you doing wandering through the forest on your own? It's not very safe for a woman all alone" 

"I... I was going to my grandmother's" you explained "She lives at the other side of the forest, in a small cottage near the lake"

"Nice" he smirked again, and you had the feeling that he was playing with you "But you shouldn't go into the forest all alone, there's dangerous things wandering around" 

"How did you find me?" You asked, narrowing your eyes at him. Ivar tilted his head, crawling onto the bed with a grunt. 

"I heard you screaming" he shrugged "And I found you under a fallen tree, asleep. I couldn't just leave you there, could I?"

Your eyes fixed on the crutches, abandoned next to the door. 

"How did you bring me here?" 

Ivar seemed to know exactly what you were thinking, and he took a deep breath before smirking in that mysterious way. 

"I had help" 

You frowned, suspicious. 

"Where are we? Is this your house?" 

"We're a bit far from your village, so I'd suggest you spend the night, it's dark already"

You looked through the window. The sky was already dark and the forest looked even darker. You knew you couldn't go back home through the forest, it was too dangerous, especially with that giant wolf wandering around. 

But to stay there with him, who gave you shivers wasn't a good idea either. 

Well, it's not like you have a choice. 

______________________________________

You ate dinner with him in silence, still wrapped on your red hood and sitting on some furs on the floor next to the fire. You could feel his eyes on you the whole time, which made you even more nervous. 

"Is your husband waiting for you at home, Y/N?" 

The question startled you. Your mother said you should have gotten married a year ago. She had been looking for possible suitors for you for a long time, but you always said no. You didn't want to get married. Not yet, at least. 

"No, I'm not married" you shook your head. 

Ivar hummed again. His eyes darkened as he examined your body. You knew those eyes, but from where?

"Why?" His voice was soft and had an innocent tone. 

"Because I don't want to" you muttered. He smiled at you and, before you could react, he was crawling towards you. You gasped and moved backward  involuntarily. His hand grabbed your hood, caressing the fabric softly. 

"I really like it" he muttered, licking his lips "Red is my favorite color... Red like the sky when the sun goes down, or the red on a woman's skin when she blushes" he whispered, and you blinked, nearly hypnotized by those eyes. He leaned into you "Red like blood" 

You gasped. He was beautiful, especially under the dim light that came from the fire, you found yourself staring at his lips, until he moved to kiss you. 

You whimpered into the kiss, a bit taken aback. His lips moved softly against yours, almost hypnotizing. You couldn't remember kissing him back, but suddenly your hands were tangled on his braided hair and letting him lay you down on the furs, with his body over yours.

You moaned into the kiss. Your mind was completely clouded and you just stopped thinking. Ivar grunted as he moved down your neck, with his teeth grazing your soft skin. You felt him inhaling your scent, and his eyes darkened. He gripped your neck with his hand, making you gasp. 

He ripped your clothes, leaving only your red hood intact. He growled when he saw you naked, your skin contrasting with the deep red of the hood under you. Ivar hid his face on your neck, he could feel your blood running through your veins under your skin, and the warm, delicious scent of your flesh. He was tempted to bit down on you, but he held himself. Those weren't the plans he had for you that night. 

His lips closed around your nipple. You arched your back and moaned, with your eyes closed and your fingers on his hair. Ivar's hand travelled down, and his fingers caressed your sex, grunting when he felt the warm wetness between your legs. 

He pressed onto your clit, and you moaned again, moving your hips against his hand and biting your lip. Ivar smirked before pushing one finger inside you, feeling your whole body tense up.

He started moving his hand, enjoying how your body moved against his, kissing and licking your skin. He fingered you until he felt you were wet enough. His hard cock pressed painfully against his pants. He took off his clothes, smiling as you whined when he got away from you. 

When he thrusted into you, you gasped in pain. He waited a few moments, and then started moving his hips, growling in pleasure as your walls squeezed him. 

You moaned and trembled under him, feeling like you were asleep and it was all a -really good- dream. You felt the intense pleasure but it was like it wasn't your body. 

Ivar leaned into you to bit your neck, and you moaned in pain, digging your nails into his shoulder. Then you felt his breath against your neck, and gasped when he whispered into your ear.

"You're mine now"

________________________________________

You woke up when the fire was already dying. The cabin was warm and you had some furs covering your naked body. You felt Ivar just behind you, his strong arms around your waist. Wasn't all of that a dream? You could barely remember a single thing, just an intense pleasure and then... Nothing. 

You tried to move, but his arms gripped your waist, making you stay still. Your head was beating faster and faster, and you closed your eyes, trying to calm down. Maybe if you waited until dawn, he'd let you go... 

And then you remembered it. You remembered Ivar's eyes, that intense blue that you had seen before. And you felt him moving against you, his lips kissed your ear softly. 

The wolf.

________________________________________

Tags: @mblaqgi​ @alicedopey​ @lol-haha-joke​ @hallowed-heathen​ @naaladareia​ @tephi101​ @captstefanbrandt​ @love-hate-love​ @titty-teetee​ @readsalot73​ @moondustmemories​ @therealcalicali​ @chimera4plums​ @blushingskywalker​ @awkwardfangirl02​ @gruffle1​ @justacripple​ @love-dria​ @heartbeats-wildly​ @letsrunawaytotomorrow​ @inforapound​ @sallydelys​ @hellogabysblog​ @winchesterwife27​ @hecohansen31​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @eteramfools​ @tgrrose​ @flokidottirsstuff​ 

I hope I didn’t forget anyone! Thank you for reading💕

[aion-rsa]

30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes

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When 30 Rock drew its final breath in 2013, yards of column inches were devoted – deservedly so – to praising the work of creator Tina Fey. Article upon article applauded the characters, cast, performances and seven seasons of energetic, inventive, satirical comedy.

More than anything else though, 30 Rock was always about the gags. It was fruitcake-dense with jokes, regularly fitting in more quotable laughs before its opening credits than many shows manage in a full half-hour. As it returns for a one-off reunion special, join us in celebrating the many, many running gags of its seven-season history, from the fake movies, to the terrible yet incredibly catchy songs, Frank’s hats, and those godawful TGS sketches…

The fake movies 

The presence of Tracy Jordan (a bonafide Martin Lawrence meets the Wayans Brothers-style movie star) in the TGS cast opened up the world of film parody to 30 Rock.

Admittedly Jenna Maloney also enjoyed a movie career of sorts, but while she was being offered the part of “any blonde actress” in torture porn flicks by the producers who watched and rented Saw, Tracy was turning down the lead in Garfield 3: Feline Groovy to pursue his serious acting career. The latter climaxed with the release of spot-on Precious parody Hard To Watch (Based on the novel Stone Cold Bummer by Manipulate), for which Tracy received the O in his EGOT plan. Sheer class.

Over the years though, who couldn’t not smile at Tracy’s blaxpoitation-filled back catalogue, from the timeless romance of A Blaffair to Rememblack, to Sherlock Homie, Who Dat Ninja?, The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas, and last but by no means least, Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. The man is a chameleon (in that he’s always a lizard).

Two of Jenna’s TGS projects however, bring back the fondest memories of 30 Rock’s stinging movie satire: small-town legal drama The Rural Juror (based on a Kevin Grisham novel), and her GE-produced life rights-avoiding Janis Joplin biopic, Sing Them Blues White Girl: The Jackie Jormp Jomp Story.

The TGS sketches 

The quality of TGS’ output was never under question in 30 Rock; the sketch show was unremittingly bad (when the absence of their star meant a ‘Best of TGS’ series had to be run in lieu of live shows, Legal objected to their use of the word ‘Best’, and when a review dubbed it the worst comedy ever made, Liz was thrilled they’d defined it as a comedy). Liz Lemon’s opus was a fluorescent collection of fart gags, dodgy caricatures, Jenna’s songs, and misjudged celebrity impressions.

Beginning life as, in Kenneth’s words, “a real fun ladies comedy show for ladies”, TGS was Saturday Night Live’s idiot brother, the unsophisticated thorn in NBC’s side, under constant threat of controversy and cancellation. Forced to synergise backward overflow, advertise parent company products and promote GE interests, 30 Rock’s show-within-a-show satirised both the TV industry and tired trends in comedy (the always hilarious combination of a fat woman who’s sexually confident! Old ladies are crazy! Farts!).

Lemon may have seduced pilot Carol (Matt Damon) with her Fart Doctor skits, but TGS failed to win many hearts. With sketches like Pam the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman, Ching-Chong Man Who Loves to Play Ping-Pong, Fat Hillary Clinton, Bear vs. Killer Robots, Me Want Food, and Gaybraham Lincoln, why it wasn’t more successful is a mystery.

Astronaut Mike Dexter 

Lemon may have ended up with James Marsden’s Criss Chros, but fictional boyfriend Astronaut Mike Dexter will always hold a special place in her heart. Handsomer than Dr Drew, less British than Wesley Snipes, less living-in-Cleveland than Floyd, and a million times better than Dennis Duffy, Astronaut Mike Dexter had it all… except of course, a corporeal self. 

The fake songs 

Over the years, Jenna Maroney’s singing career has vomited up some truly dreadful creations, and topping the list has to be Muffin Top (a big hit in the king-making music markets of Israel and Belgium). Seguing from its pop insanity chorus “My muffin top is all that, wholegrain, low-fat” into a Madonna-style spoken-word rap “I’m an independent lady, so please don’t try to play me. I run a tidy bakery. The boys all want my cake for free”, the song is a battery assault on the senses.

But is it worse than Jenna’s summer dance jam, Balls, which earned her the princely sum of $50 in royalties? Or her computer generated, generic benefit song in aid of an unspecific natural disaster, which urged viewers to donate to “help the people the thing that happened, happened to”? How about the Jackie Jormp Jomp performance she gave of Chunk Of My Lung, written by Jack five minutes before the show, containing the classic line “You know you’ve bought it if life makes you sweet food”? Or Fart So Loud, the un-Weird Al-able song she and Tracy wrote after he parodied the theme to Avery Jessup TV movie Kidnapped? Such riches…

It’s not only Jenna who’s provided 30 Rock’s musical intervals of course. Season three finale Kidney Now! welcomed an eclectic collection of stars including Sheryl Crow, Mary J Blige, Elvis Costello, Moby, two of the Beastie Boys, Wyclef Jean, and Cyndi Lauper to perform a We Are The World-style anthem at the Milton Green benefit gig. Angie Jordan famously released a fifteen-second single My Single Is Dropping, to ride on the wave of her reality-show fame, Frank and Pete’s Sound Mound came up with unforgettable rock anthem Weekend Woman, and in the very same episode, even Tina Fey got in on the action by providing excellent Joni Mitchell parody, Paints and Brushes.

The legacy award though, as in the 30 Rock fake song that will continue to bring joy to the hearts of fans decades from now, has to go to one song, and one song only: Tracy Jordan’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.

Frank’s hat slogans 

Off-set, stand-up Judah Friedlander favours his ‘World Champion’ trucker hat, the one he claims to have been awarded as the winner of the World Championships of pretty much all sports, martial arts, and that time he karate kicked Chuck Norris’ beard off his face and forced him to legally change his name to Charles.

On-set as Frank Rossitano though, Friedlander wears a series of self-designed trucker hats, each bearing a different gnomic slogan. Often incongruous, sometimes suggestive, and always odd, Frank’s hat slogans are part of the bricks and mortar of 30 Rock. In terms of favourites, we’re quite fond of ‘Alabama Legsweep’, or the laconic enigma of ‘And’, though ‘Shark Cop’, ‘Half Centaur’ and ‘Space Gravy’ also caught our eye over the seasons.

Jenna’s Mickey Rourke sex stories 

Like Dot Com’s intellectualism, this running gag may have been introduced late into proceedings, but Jenna’s torrid sexual history with putty-faced beefcake Mickey Rourke gave J-Mo some of her best lines. Jenna’s allusions to Rourke’s sexually deviant and murderous attempts on her life paint a fascinating picture for 30 Rock fans. Here are some of the finest:

“Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with”, “Nice try Hazel, but you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.”, “I’m going to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” “Next time you’ll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.” “You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get off Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” Wise words.

Kenneth the immortal page 

To this day Kenneth Ellen Parcell remains something of an enigma to 30 Rock viewers. In later seasons, Jack McBrayer’s character went from being a simple country rube from Stone Mountain, Georgia to  the flesh vessel for a mysterious immortal with no reflection, no age, and links to a world beyond our own.

Plenty of reference has been made to Kenneth’s ageless and supernatural state over the years, including the suggestion that not only is he unable to die, but he’s also an angel, sent to oversee the transition of souls from one world to the next.

The fake TV shows 

It’s either a credit to the 30 Rock team or a condemnation of our times that Jack Donaghy’s hit reality viewer vote show, MILF Island, no longer feels like a parody. In generations to come, time will no doubt erode the boundaries between fact and fiction, and we 30 Rock fans will be telling our kids about the time we watched Deborah beat her competitors and claim MILF victory in the same breath as educating them about those people who ate kangaroo anuses for public approval.

MILF Island stands head and shoulders above the rest of 30 Rock’s fake TV shows (including TGS itself, lest we not forget), but that doesn’t mean that Gold Case, Los Amantes Clandestinos, Black Frasier, Homonym, or the inimitable Bitch Hunter deserve any less respect. Our fallen brothers, we salute you.

We could go on indefinitely listing the recurring jokes that made 30 Rock great, from Liz’s sandwich lust and desire to go to there, to Jack’s gloriously thatched head of hair and Republican conspiracies. As the show prepares to return, which of the above will live again?

30 Rock: A One-Time Special lands on NBC on Thursday July 16th at 8pm in the US.

The post 30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2WjIevB

[fairytale-poll]

SEMI-FINALS! MATCH 2 OUT OF 2

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Ylfa:

She just went through so much and so much growth and i love her very much.

She becomes a big bad wolf

She met Death and Death wanted her to live.

Great depiction of a teenager by Emily Axford. A lot of scenes get really emotional with her being a symbol of the cycle of life and death and eventually she will always become the Big Bad Wolf.

she faced off with Death and he told her to live. this Death, who was much older than the Death she was supposed to meet, stared off with Yilfa for days until she succumbed to hunger and ate him alive. other iterations of death apologized to her for the story she was forced to suffer through, for the punishment she had to endure over an unrealistic and unabidable rule she was destined to break. her corrupted story turned her into the big bad wolf, into death itself. she sacrificed the beloved memory of her grandma, her namesake, so that her friends would be able to save their world. even though she gained it back in the end, she was willing to live the rest of her life as the wolf, a harbinger of death, and when she was reminded that she was just a child, that it wasn’t her responsibility to guide the dead, she cried, and separated from the wolf. she was able to grow up normal and happy after suffering from the looming presence of death. i’m gonna make me friend also submit yilfa bc they’re smarter than me and can make better propaganda

my mutual really likes her

Her narrative arc about growing up and life and death is so beautiful and her being a werewolf is so cool. Emily Axford gets girlhood like nobody else.

she is the bravest little girl in the world she met death and death wanted her to live she split his skull and ate the innards of death himself she is just a little girl!!!!!!!

PRIMO Red Riding Hood adaptation. Ate the wolf who ate her gramma. Is a werewolf and a metaphor for puberty. Loves her friends. Can break her bones to reshape her body into various animal forms.

Not only did she have to lose her grandmother, but she also nearly dies of starvation and exhaustion until The Big Bad Wolf, aka Death, convinced her to live, by her killing him and eating his flesh, therefore making her Death

Ylfa has a snazzy orange top hat given to her by a very attractive fairy. Three Blind Mice is her favorite story. She brought her grandma lollipopcorn and threw the broth in the river halfway there. She first developed a crush on Pinocchio when she saw him use his nose as a stripper pole and didn't kiss him until they were twenty-one and having an awkward conversation about her grandma's death and Toy Island. She fought a baron with a spoon. She wants a bra. She jumped into The Terrible Dogfish’s stomach to save her friend. She has pinkeye and grandma hobbies. She fought off a shit ton of homicidal tables at once. She is pals with Little Miss Muffet. She killed her family. She sacrificed the memory of her grandmother to become Death. She was basically adopted by Mother Goose (who is a cool old gay dude). She Wildshapes by horribly contorting her body into animalistic forms. She is a Barbarian who acts as a support character. She is the bravest little girl in the whole world.

Behold, 3 minutes of the weirdest and best little girl! [Link]

Her weirdgirl swag is off the charts :) [Link]

Ylfa Propaganda: [Link]

Ylfa turns Little Red Riding Hood into a metaphor for not just puberty but grief and death and the inevitability of loss--of innocence, of childhood, of who you had and who you were. The Wolf is the End of All Things, and Ylfa met Death and Death wanted her to live. She gave up the memory of her grandmother--her namesake, her humanity--and became Death, and she was there to be the end of her grandmother's grandmother's story, because there always has been and always will be a wolf. But in the end, she is just a little girl, and she doesn't have to take this burden. There is a wolf-that-is-not-a-wolf waiting for everyone with a snazzy orange top hat, and there is a strange girl playing cards with witches and kissing a boy who used to be a puppet, and they all lived happily.

Vote Ylfa cause she pulled through when it came to the Riding Hooded Mercenary and I know a worthy opponent when I see one.

Yuyuko:

She's related to Red Riding Hood, has costumes of Red Riding Hood, and she has ten hoodies in various shades of red. She's sapphic. She's autistic. She's a dog person. She's little beepo.

Technically this might be stretching it because she was casted into this play exactly once (though she has two cards dedicated to it due to the Encore cards). Anyways she always wears around a big red hood outside of this play but that's not directly based off of Little Red Riding hood from my knowledge so it doesn't matter much. What does matter is that Yuyuko keeps up her pattern of being casted in roles where her character either dies or suffers a lot (this one being the latter) in this play, though thankfully I'm not sure that she wrote herself into this narrative this time

[fairytale-poll]

ROUND 2! MATCH 6 OUT OF 8

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Ylfa:

She just went through so much and so much growth and i love her very much.

She becomes a big bad wolf

She met Death and Death wanted her to live.

Great depiction of a teenager by Emily Axford. A lot of scenes get really emotional with her being a symbol of the cycle of life and death and eventually she will always become the Big Bad Wolf.

she faced off with Death and he told her to live. this Death, who was much older than the Death she was supposed to meet, stared off with Yilfa for days until she succumbed to hunger and ate him alive. other iterations of death apologized to her for the story she was forced to suffer through, for the punishment she had to endure over an unrealistic and unabidable rule she was destined to break. her corrupted story turned her into the big bad wolf, into death itself. she sacrificed the beloved memory of her grandma, her namesake, so that her friends would be able to save their world. even though she gained it back in the end, she was willing to live the rest of her life as the wolf, a harbinger of death, and when she was reminded that she was just a child, that it wasn’t her responsibility to guide the dead, she cried, and separated from the wolf. she was able to grow up normal and happy after suffering from the looming presence of death. i’m gonna make me friend also submit yilfa bc they’re smarter than me and can make better propaganda

my mutual really likes her

Her narrative arc about growing up and life and death is so beautiful and her being a werewolf is so cool. Emily Axford gets girlhood like nobody else.

she is the bravest little girl in the world she met death and death wanted her to live she split his skull and ate the innards of death himself she is just a little girl!!!!!!!

PRIMO Red Riding Hood adaptation. Ate the wolf who ate her gramma. Is a werewolf and a metaphor for puberty. Loves her friends. Can break her bones to reshape her body into various animal forms.

Not only did she have to lose her grandmother, but she also nearly dies of starvation and exhaustion until The Big Bad Wolf, aka Death, convinced her to live, by her killing him and eating his flesh, therefore making her Death

Ylfa has a snazzy orange top hat given to her by a very attractive fairy. Three Blind Mice is her favorite story. She brought her grandma lollipopcorn and threw the broth in the river halfway there. She first developed a crush on Pinocchio when she saw him use his nose as a stripper pole and didn't kiss him until they were twenty-one and having an awkward conversation about her grandma's death and Toy Island. She fought a baron with a spoon. She wants a bra. She jumped into The Terrible Dogfish’s stomach to save her friend. She has pinkeye and grandma hobbies. She fought off a shit ton of homicidal tables at once. She is pals with Little Miss Muffet. She killed her family. She sacrificed the memory of her grandmother to become Death. She was basically adopted by Mother Goose (who is a cool old gay dude). She Wildshapes by horribly contorting her body into animalistic forms. She is a Barbarian who acts as a support character. She is the bravest little girl in the whole world.

Behold, 3 minutes of the weirdest and best little girl! [Link]

Her weirdgirl swag is off the charts :) [Link]

Ylfa Propaganda: [Link]

Ruby:

She has a scythe that is also a high-impact sniper rifle.

She is literally just based on Red Riding Hood and she's such an amazing character holy heck

Red Riding Hood but with a gun. (Specifically a combination scythe/high-impact sniper rifle called Crescent Rose). Also she's gone through so much she deserves it. She's trying to save the world and keep going despite all the people she's lost. Grew up dreaming of being a hero who fights monsters. She knows life isn't a fairy tale and wants to make it better. Just went through a mental health arc where she had depression from trying to live up to her (presumed dead) mom and from her friend dying for the second time. Killed the Big Bad Wolf with her magic eye powers. Her sister is Goldilocks and her friends are Beauty and Snow White. also I love her <3

She’s the little red riding hood but also a powerful fighter with a massive fucking scythe that is also a sniper rifle and she’s so skrunkly and so gender. Also RWBY’s whole thing (well one of them) is that their characters are all inspired by pre-existing ones from older stories and Ruby’s the main character so like, poster child of ‘character based off [insert relevant fairytale here]’ so I think she deserves to at least get pretty far

Aesthetics, themes, meta, personality and raw coolness.

She is the main character of her show. The most common monster they fight is a type of wolf (its been a while since ive seen it). Her job is to hunt them down before they can eat her. this story is very much about failed fairy tales, many of the side character's inspired arcs end in failure, but (having not seen the most recent bits) Ruby is still going strong, and i really like her cape, rose petals, and use of a scythe.

She is THE RRH character of all time. She has a scythe that's also a gun and she has to be the hero because she's got super rare main character powers. She is my happy girl. Also her mom was Sleeping Beauty and her sister is Goldilocks, and she fights to stop Rapunzel from destroying everything on the world, the gods, and then herself.

Ruby as a character is literally based on little red riding hood! She has a red cape with a hood

the Red trailer is better propaganda than I could ever write

She is a badass with a scythe, inspired by her uncle and fueled by her mother's death and her sense of righteousness

She has a giant scythe

[fairytale-poll]

ROUND 3! MATCH 3 OUT OF 4

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Original Fairytale:

The girl, the myth, the legend. The one who started it all. She skips into the forest with head held high, unknowing of the wolf and the many, many retellings of her story. Something, something, puberty, something, something, men are wolves. Just let my girl wear her red cape and be on her way to Granny's, please and thank you.

I feel like in a lot of modern adaptations they get lost in making Red Riding Hood more a girlboss who fights back or making her secretly (or not secretly) the real wolf or having her and the wolf be love interests, they lose a lot of what made the original fairytale so good. AND SO CHILLING! We have been told this story so often since childhood we can forget how frightening it can really be. A lost young girl, punished for the follies of childhood. I also think that even in the "happy" endings when the huntsman saves her there is this sense that she will never be the same. Her childhood is over. And that's haunting! The horrors of unprotected innocence.

Ylfa:

She just went through so much and so much growth and i love her very much.

She becomes a big bad wolf

She met Death and Death wanted her to live.

Great depiction of a teenager by Emily Axford. A lot of scenes get really emotional with her being a symbol of the cycle of life and death and eventually she will always become the Big Bad Wolf.

she faced off with Death and he told her to live. this Death, who was much older than the Death she was supposed to meet, stared off with Yilfa for days until she succumbed to hunger and ate him alive. other iterations of death apologized to her for the story she was forced to suffer through, for the punishment she had to endure over an unrealistic and unabidable rule she was destined to break. her corrupted story turned her into the big bad wolf, into death itself. she sacrificed the beloved memory of her grandma, her namesake, so that her friends would be able to save their world. even though she gained it back in the end, she was willing to live the rest of her life as the wolf, a harbinger of death, and when she was reminded that she was just a child, that it wasn’t her responsibility to guide the dead, she cried, and separated from the wolf. she was able to grow up normal and happy after suffering from the looming presence of death. i’m gonna make me friend also submit yilfa bc they’re smarter than me and can make better propaganda

my mutual really likes her

Her narrative arc about growing up and life and death is so beautiful and her being a werewolf is so cool. Emily Axford gets girlhood like nobody else.

she is the bravest little girl in the world she met death and death wanted her to live she split his skull and ate the innards of death himself she is just a little girl!!!!!!!

PRIMO Red Riding Hood adaptation. Ate the wolf who ate her gramma. Is a werewolf and a metaphor for puberty. Loves her friends. Can break her bones to reshape her body into various animal forms.

Not only did she have to lose her grandmother, but she also nearly dies of starvation and exhaustion until The Big Bad Wolf, aka Death, convinced her to live, by her killing him and eating his flesh, therefore making her Death

Ylfa has a snazzy orange top hat given to her by a very attractive fairy. Three Blind Mice is her favorite story. She brought her grandma lollipopcorn and threw the broth in the river halfway there. She first developed a crush on Pinocchio when she saw him use his nose as a stripper pole and didn't kiss him until they were twenty-one and having an awkward conversation about her grandma's death and Toy Island. She fought a baron with a spoon. She wants a bra. She jumped into The Terrible Dogfish’s stomach to save her friend. She has pinkeye and grandma hobbies. She fought off a shit ton of homicidal tables at once. She is pals with Little Miss Muffet. She killed her family. She sacrificed the memory of her grandmother to become Death. She was basically adopted by Mother Goose (who is a cool old gay dude). She Wildshapes by horribly contorting her body into animalistic forms. She is a Barbarian who acts as a support character. She is the bravest little girl in the whole world.

Behold, 3 minutes of the weirdest and best little girl! [Link]

Her weirdgirl swag is off the charts :) [Link]

Ylfa Propaganda: [Link]

Ylfa turns Little Red Riding Hood into a metaphor for not just puberty but grief and death and the inevitability of loss--of innocence, of childhood, of who you had and who you were. The Wolf is the End of All Things, and Ylfa met Death and Death wanted her to live. She gave up the memory of her grandmother--her namesake, her humanity--and became Death, and she was there to be the end of her grandmother's grandmother's story, because there always has been and always will be a wolf. But in the end, she is just a little girl, and she doesn't have to take this burden. There is a wolf-that-is-not-a-wolf waiting for everyone with a snazzy orange top hat, and there is a strange girl playing cards with witches and kissing a boy who used to be a puppet, and they all lived happily.

Vote Ylfa cause she pulled through when it came to the Riding Hooded Mercenary and I know a worthy opponent when I see one.