#he is so Starved for validation for all he has done and gone through and sacrificed and he will always be trying to fill that void

[foxbear-night]

Kinda have this Squirrelflight x Hawkfrost AU, but like enemies-to-lovers vibes and Hawkfrost with more depth

Like Squilf does initially hate Hawk and for valid reasons. But then, an incident happens where they're trapped together for an extended period of time. A lot of fighting happens in the beginning, words are exchanged and blows were dealt. They've both manage to start tiring though, and are made to stop for a moment

A moment that doesn't end

Hours or perhaps days go by, and they're still trapped together. They start talking, and seeds are sown into each other after all. Squirrelflight discovers a side of him that hasn't surfaced since he was an apprentice and his mother was still with him. When they were still a happy lil' family. She comes out of that situation with her feelings about him now complicated. Meanwhile, Hawkfrost comes out with questions about bis beliefs and his goals

And there might've been a potential 'huddle for warmth' scenario too 👀👀👀

Squirrelflight doesn't get back together with Brambleclaw nor Ashfur. Feelings for Hawkfrost aren't there yet, but the seeds have been planted, and she becomes more curious about him

I imagine she finds him near ThunderClan territory a couple times, just as he plans to get a layout of the land to set up for his evil plan. Of course though, she doesn't know that, and it does lead to some more conversations between them that further the tension. Squilf's feelings are even more conplicated, and Hawk grows less and less sure about how badly he wants to go through the plan

Sometime later though, Hawk has gone through an incident with a dead Tigerstar where he gets his ass kicked bad and he's berated by his father. While he was starting to feel torn, he doubles down on his plot and he does attempt to murder Firestar, just have his throat gouged out by a stake by Brambleclaw. That part doesn't change. And as he bleeds out, gurgling on the blood he's drowning in, he spends his final moments with a realization. A realization that he's regretted what he's done

Later, he finally works up the courage to visit Squirrelflight in her dreams. And she's at first freaked out to see him there, looking starved and weary with the same stake sticking out of his throat and his blackened blood flows his white coat, staining it (he's a colorpoint in this AU). She attacks, hearing that he tried to kill her father, and yet...he doesn't fight back. That's when she sees it

In his eyes, there is only resignation and defeat. He just lays there, as if he's awaiting a killing blow

It never comes

Squirrelflignt would get off him, and she'd question why Hawkfrost isn't even trying to defend himself. He replies that he believes it's only right, justified. He was a husk of himself, self-loathing and just accepting of his fate. And that'd bewilder her so much

She's still really made that he tried killing her father, but...she cannot bring herself to hurt a cat who'll not even fight back

I imagine he keeps visiting her, specifically every new moon, where it's all shadow and he can venture as far from the Place of No Stars as he pleases-til sunrise of course

And this is where the romance begins to happen. It's like...Spottedfire, but they knew each other as adults, and it's a little more doomed

By this point, Squirrelflight has adopted Leafpool's kits and pretend they are hers. But because she lacks a mate, other cats of her clan side-eye her. Yet she takes it, knowing it's better than what her sister would've gone through

She also can't loom Brambleclaw or Ashfur anymore. Brown tabby pelts or pale blue eyes remind her of him, and it seeps a deep longing in her chest. Makes her wish that Hawk was beside her, helping raise these kits beside her

Hawkfrost has caught wind of the 'kin of your kin' prophecy somehow, and he realizes it's about Squirrelflight's 'kits' and why. But he's not exactly sure what to do about it til one day, where Jaykit is chased off a ledge by a fox cub, he's suddenly able to interact with him. And in his chest, he feels a similar longing. An ache to be a father. To be beside Squilf and help raise these kits. He'll assure Jaykit that he is okay, and he might try training him to be able to fight back, even if he's blind

Some of those lessons are given, but they stop when Jaypaw strays from being a warrior and he finds purpose in being a medicine cat

His focus turns to Lionpaw, and he begins to train him as well. Trying to teach him the moves of Dark Forest warriors, so that he can be safe from them in the future

He tries to do the same thing with Hollypaw, but he finds he's unable to connect to her like he could with the other two. And it saddens him that she cannot get to know him like her brothers had or like her mother did. He does get to do something with her later, though. When she leaves for the tunnels and the rocks begin to fall, he pushes her further through, so she didn't get crushed

Much later, in the Broken Code, Hawkfrost and Ashfur begin to clash. Hawk looks for ways to rebel against Ashfur's control, to keep him from hurting Squirrelflignt further. And at the climax, instead of Bristlefrost, Hawkfrost is the one to push Ashfur into the pool, even at the cost of neither of them existing anymore

But it might not be the total end of Hawkfrost just yet. Judging by how the books to seem to be handling forgotten cats, it may be possible for his spirit to remanifest and Squirrelflight and him get to bw reunited again

Think I'm going to call this AU 'New Moon'

[oumaheroes]

do you have any soft fruk headcanons to share with a starving anon?

*Sob* Yes, yes I do thank you for asking

Other fruk headcanons can be found here, here, here, here, and basically this entire fic.

When together and alone, they spend a lot of time in silence.

One, because as soon as one of them starts talking they’ll inevitably end up saying something that will piss the other person off, but mostly because it’s rare. For the both of them.

France is a chatty, sociable person who goes out often and with a wide group of people. People he works with, other nations he’s friendly with, humans he’s got to know in his day-to-day life- he’s constantly moving and talking and he loves this. He lives off that feedback and that veneer of public acceptance and validation and fights to remain above it. Not trying to be perfect, but to be someone to look up to, to admire, to want to get to know because everybody who’s anybody knows that Francis is it. Whatever ‘it’ is for the different centuries.

But this is also, for me, who France projects himself to be. And it's exhausting.

He’s so caught up in appearances, in being an integral part of the social web that, when he’s with England, it’s nice to just not give a shit and shut up. England doesn’t care about, and actively despises, keeping up with trends or acting in particular ways to fit in with or please others. England does what he damn well pleases and the core of him hasn’t really changed all that much throughout the years. When they’re together there’s no point in France trying to impress him, or to manipulate himself or his environment to achieve something- it won’t work. England has seen France messy and sobbing in dirt, has seen him topple out of trees and into horse shit, has ran alongside him as they’ve pinched bread from bakeries to eat outside in a field instead of being in church. England is who France can truly be his (self-perceived) ugly self around and it’s something he needs.

To be able to sit in silence with someone who has known every part of you, who has seen every terrible and beautiful thing you have done and still choses to stay- it’s what keeps them both coming back to each other, despite everything they’ve gone through. For the good or bad the other person has been there to say ‘I see you. I know.’ And then come back regardless.

It terrifying but it’s a gift creatures of their age and ilk rarely see.

This is the same for England too, of course, which I’ve already mentioned in my other headcanons. England also cares deeply about how other people think of him as a person, as a man, but his way of dealing with it is to pretend that he doesn’t care about it in the first place. People can’t mock him for failing at something if he never tries, so he doesn’t. Doesn’t try to keep up with fashions, doesn’t try to say the right thing to the right person to gain their friendship or favour. Arthur knows how to manipulate to achieve an aim- a tax or a bill or a political decision. But he doesn’t do this for his own benefit, i.e., to get someone to love him. To get someone to stay, to make someone want to be with him.

That’s why he enjoys, secretly, France. Despite how churlish Arthur can be, despite how cruel and angry and hard, France sees through all of that to whatever it is he’s hiding underneath and he stays anyway. Sees the softness Arthur pretends not to have, understands his reasons for behaviours even he can’t explain. Will hate him fiercely but still want him to be around to see his own highs and lows.

Time together, when they’re in a good, healthier moment in their lives, is often spent inhabiting a space together. France reading or England sewing, France cooking or England in the garden. He’ll come in and France will have made him lunch, which he��ll take and eat without thanks. France will find his shirt mended and folded away which will never be mentioned and England will sit up all night with insomnia whilst France sleeps on the sofa.

They’re big on physical touch.

England changes how he acts depending on who he’s with. With his children he’s older, he’s always acted, has had to or feels as though he has to act, with a certain air of authority that, even today when he has none legally, cannot be undone. With his brothers England can be petty, will be more expressive and moodier and quick to bite- he’s the youngest. He still, quietly, wants to prove himself, wants to be noticed and respected by those whose respect he craved first.

Then his friends, he can be a bit sillier. Will act more of his physical age without the burdens of nationhood or family to hold him back. Will sling an arm around Prussia’s shoulders when they’re drunk singing on the way out of a pub somewhere, will laugh until he cries into Portugal’s shoulder because of an impression he did.

With France he’s all of the above, but also soft.

Intimate and physically open in ways he cannot be otherwise.

When they’re alone he’ll happily lay fully to rest on France where ever he is laying or reclining and stubbornly refuse to move. Will let France cut his hair whenever the timing is right and he deems him in need of a trim- tips his head back as France runs long fingers through his hair and massages the back of his neck. Will sit with France with their legs all tangled together or press a kiss to his temple when they wake up in the same bed, France is still soft and heavy with sleep.

For a man who does not initiate physical affection or even physical contact at all with many people, it is strange to see him so easy with France and it IS strange, especially for the younger members of England's family. I explored this slightly in Reflections but England and France do not show this side of themselves to anyone. It is behind closed doors, in private, and if you are to catch them being so touchy it makes you feel as though you're intruding on something deeply personal.

But they are also, carefully, touchy in public. A brush of a hand on the arm when France comes up behind England to let him know that he’s there, England stretching out his leg to feel for France’s foot under the table. A shared glass of water, a brush of a hand as they stand shoulder to shoulder. Smoking outside in winter with their faces close, a single breath of smoke between them.

It's obvious if you look for it.

They often bathe together.

Neither are self-conscious around each other; what on earth do they have to hide after all these years? It's easily one of their favourite shared times: hot water, nowhere to be, and meaningless conversation. They'll talk about everything and nothing, from the very important that France will have to tease out of England slowly- massaging the meat of his calf, purposely not looking directly at him as he silently listens and waits- all the way to the utterly trivial. The weather. A politician who made a fool of themselves. What so-and-so said, and to who.

Topics that are too heavy and political are left out of it, these talks in the bath are only ones they can have when they're not at true odds with each other otherwise it won't work. France won't listen and England won't talk and it won't be the experience they want or help them at all.

Will often go out together

If France is in the UK or England is in France for whatever reason, they’ll usually meet up. England will stay with France, or France will stay with England and of an evening they’ll go out for dinner. Pick a restaurant that’s new for at least one of them if possible to show off but then go to a play afterwards, or even to the cinema. They really do enjoy a good gossip and moan and adore critiquing actors or plays. The more they bitch, the more they actually enjoyed themselves.

---

I’m going to stop now as this is getting long, but I hope you enjoyed! I love them deeply ;u;

[vanshikathequeenofheavens]

I am not a person who fails to admit the wrongdoings of a character just because I love that character.

I am a Cas and Dean girl through and through. But there are things Cas has done that I actually hate.

I do not hate cas for working with Crowley and eating the laviathens. I do not hate castiel for trying to kill the kid jesse. I do not hate cas for doing what he did to lily sunder and Claire Novak's family.

Castiel didn't wanted to separate Dean from whatever normal apple pie life he had created for himself. Cas cared about Dean too much and he wanted Dean to be happy. Cas didn't want to ask more after everything Dean has gone through and that is understandable. Working with Crowley was wrong but cas never imagined that he would end up hurting humans. Saving the world and Dean and Sam from another apocalypse was Cas's motivation to work with Crowley. All Cas intended was eating the souls, getting powerful enough and defeating Raphael. That's it. Cas didn't knew anything about the laviathens. He didn't knew that he would end swallowing one of the corrupted creatures in the world. And from the moment cas swallowed the laviathens he was under control of them. He killed so many humans and angels because he was under control of laviathens.

Killing lily Sunder's daughter is one of Cas's greatest regret. But he didn't regret it until he found out that lily sunder's daughter was a human. He had no regret of killing that child as long as he knew that the child was a nephilim. And when he was made aware of the truth he was willing to let lily sunder have her revenge even if it means she would want to kill him. Cas was ready to kill the anti-christ jesse even though he was just a child because Cas believed that Jesse was dangerous to the world. Cas was willing to let Kelly Kline and Jack die with Jack still in kelly's womb because Jack was a nephilim and cas believed him to be a danger to the world. It is when Jack showed him a vision of future that he chose to let Kelly and Jack live. It is after Cas raised Jack that he grew to sympathies with nephilims.

Now if we are going think about what he did to Claire's family, we need to open our mind. You can't hate a lion for hunting a deer. It is in the nature of lion to hunt, otherwise the lion would starve and die. The lion is wired like that. Cas was also wired to follow the order of heaven. He was wired to not give a shit about humans. It was his nature. He was ready to destroy an entire town with its people, why would he give shit about a little girl and his family ?

But cas changed, he rebelled, he chose to care about humans. He went against his very nature, something no Angel ever attempted to do. He refused to follow the script chuck wrote for him. He literally managed to Brek out of the control of the God. Again something no one ever succeeded in doing. He felt remorse for his actions. Claire is completely valid in her anger. But we as a viewer should see things from Cas's perspective as well. It is unfair of us to hate cas for not changing sooner when no other Angel except Gabriel ever tried to change.

But the things that i do not like about cas is how he allowed the sacrifice of Rowena's son in order to remove Mark of Cain from Dean. He could have stopped it but he chose to stand there doing nothing and allowing an innocent man to die so that someone he loved could be saved. That was extremely selfish of him. I will forever hate it.

Another thing I hated was when Cas killed that nephilim in order to complete the ritual of closing the gates of heaven. Now we all know that saving humanity was an excuse and cas did all that to just save Dean. Killing an innocent nephilim who wasn't hurting anyone just to save someone he loved was evil and selfish. Given what I wrote about Cas's feeling regarding nephilims, i am a little conflicted about how to feel about this.

[treel]

Nullified! Chapter 29 Excerpt

Hey guys! Just want to give you an update on the fic. I had planned to end the hiatus much earlier, but due to workload, getting the flu then pneumonia, and now the approach of Christmas, the break has gone on a lot longer than I would have liked. 

I just want those interested to know that the fic is still in progress, with the next chapter slated to be released either next week or the week after. Thanks for not giving up on me! 

Below the cut is an excerpt and a (very bad) sketch from the next chapter. Spoilers, obviously, if you care about that kinda thing. Thank you for your support!

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“I don’t want to say ‘infinitely better’, because infinitely is a strong word,” Floog mused, “but it’s pretty much infinitely better.”

“It’s not better!!” Dib cried, “everything is in the shape of Zim’s face and the birds scream like they’re being fucking murdered!!”

“Is that not what Urth birds sound like??” Sink asked, on the edge of panic, frantically scrolling through his notes as if to find something he’d missed, “I could have sworn-”

“We are NOT teleporting ANYONE here! Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” Dib’s eyes swept across the smattering of aliens, trying desperately to keep a grasp on his sanity lest he devolve into a hair-pulling, babbling mess.

“Yes, we’ve created a very passable planet,” Poki shot back acidly, frustrated by Dib’s less than gracious attitude, “replete with life even, since that’s something you seem to care so much about.”

“Life that shouldn’t exist!” Dib floundered, flailing, “abominations against nature! Six-legged squirrels?! Why?! What was wrong with normal squirrels?!”

“Not enough legs,” all the Irkens answered in almost-unsettling unison, staring up at Dib as if HE were the crazy one for daring to question the validity of their many-limbed creations. Dib gawked back at them, flabbergasted. After several seconds of tense silence, he turned to Zim.

“You have to get rid of it, Zim. You have to get rid of this planet.”

“Get rid?!” Zim screeched, outraged, “what nonsense are you speaking, Dib?”

“It’s WRONG! It can’t just be here! You’re upsetting the balance of nature on a cosmic scale! You can’t just...you can’t just BUILD AN ENTIRE PLANET!”

“Well, that’s not true, because I just did!” Zim shot back, brows furrowed, “besides, the Nulls already did it once and that turned out fine, except for their planet was stupid and horrible.”

“They also completely wrecked the climate of the planet they were living on! They were starving and practically freezing to death! Do you not remember that??”

“We’re right here, y’know…” Floog muttered self-consciously.

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[justfandomtings]

Character study of William murderface

Cw: child abuse, ptsd, trauma, internalized homopobia,ect.

Throughout the show, murderface has been presented as a shitty person that is untalented, leeches off of his friends/ fame, and honestly just seem to have gotten lucky when getting into dethklok.

Which is true, but I want to look in a little deeper why he's like this. (Note:this might be kinda head cannonish. I have some examples from the actual show but since we never got a deep backstory for murderface or get many murderface centric episodes I'll be filling in some empty spaces.)

Murderface in the show

Murderface is extremely self loathing and has had moments where he just goes so hard in on himself.

Season 1 episode 1

We see this in the very beginning when he refers to himself as the 'fat one.'

It could've been played off as a simple joke, which it was in the show for the audience watching. But in the show's universe and for the character, this will be an occurring thing.

This continues in

Season 1 episode 3

It's murderface's birthday and the boys throw murderface a party. During his party murderface is shown complaining and being stand-offish. You would think the last thing he would want is a party, yet he still sends out invites to his bandmates. (Note: noticed how the invites were sent right after murderface left the room? Idk it just seemed like he was embarrassed or scared his bandmates would laugh at him for wanting a birthday party. He even tried to act non chalant when the invite said "come if you want, who gives a piss." when they did throw him a party he still came)

When the boys pulled a little, kinda mean but harmless prank on him, literally giving him the gift of nothing. Murderface was fucking hurt, like genuine tears almost left this man's eyes when he come into his room to get his thing's and 'run away'.

Of course the boys did give murderface an actual gift, which honestly had a lot of thought and effort put into it. This makes murderface cry a tear. (Of blood but you know still a tear)

This is the example of the boy's showing they care for murderface. But even after this big gesture murderface will continue to believe the opposite.

The show continues and we get the first and honestly only backstory for murderface.

Season 1 episode 6

When the boys get a band therapist, we find out the tragic murder/suicide of murderface's parents. His father killing his mother then himself with a chainsaw, this whole thing happens while murderface as a baby sits in his highchair unaware while eating his cereal. This flashback makes murderface kinda sit there in shock as he pisses his pants.

(Note: murderface has said in the show that his appearance was the reason his parents are dead. If that really was the case, why didn't his father kill him or at least killed him after he killed his mother? Why did his father just kill his wife and himself? Never laying a single hand on murderface? Will get back to that later.)

Season 1 episode 9

Bringing up this episode may be confusing to some for bringing this up since it doesn't focus solely on murderface. He doesn't even get that much screen time this episode. But I would like to point out his actions in that episode.

In this episode the boys adopt a young teen boy they name fatty ding dong and raise him as their son for probably couple of weeks. While the boys all had their...interesting way of raising him. Murderface had the most physical fights with fatty ding dong. Mostly when we misbehaved. Like hitting him, shocking him non stop with a tazer, beating him for eating his civil war boots ect.

I just like to point out that murderface was raised by his grandparents. We'll come back to more of that later in the post.

Season 1 episode 11

The band gets reunited with their families and what we see from murderface and his family is that they are very violent towards each other. Murderface tries to choke his grandmother when looking in at her mouth as she chewed. Pickles and Nathan had to snap himself out of it, murderface apologized saying it was his fault for looking to deeply.

Like that was some kind of trigger from his past that made him black out and get violent.

He was also highly against buying his grandfather a wheelchair, only doing so because the boys agreed to be nice towards their family to get them to leave.

Even when they were spending time with each other, they never touched each other William kept his distance. Only ever touching if it was fight related.

In the same episode we see why, Stella was so physically abusive towards murderface, spraying fucking pepper spray into his eyes when he did..nothing? He wasn't aggressive or was even part of the issue. She just attacks him because she had to change his diapers?

This belittlement and physical abuse continues everytime they are together on screen.

So to bring back up season 1 episode 9. With how murderface treated fatty ding dong we can assume that's how we was being treated while under the care of his grandparents. Children soak up things like a sponge. Whether you think they remember it or not. Many psychological reports has shown that children will mimick and repeat behaviors and actions their caretakers do. If it's right or not, children will do things because that's what this adult dose. That's what they see at home. It's normal to them if that is the environment they grow in. Even if the child feels like something is off or wrong. They won't know exactly what is wrong or why because it's all they know.

So if this is how murderface was raised, which highly may be the case since we see Stella physically abuse murderface even as an adult. He might have actually thought this is how you raise a child, this is what you do to a child when they misbehaved. Nobody in his life has corrected murderface or explain to him that this way of discipline isn't ok or even discipline to begin with, it is abuse.

So, we are to believe with the information we have now. Is that murderface was most likely abused as a child, probably all the way up till he was able to get away from them and join dethklok.

With this information we can apply this to his behavior in the show. A side effect from child abuse is suicidal behavior. Throughout the show Murderface would now and then casually commit about hurting or killing himself.

Season 1 episode 2

Murderface casually states if it'll be brutal enough for him to just take his life after Nathan deltes another record. Or when the boys kindly ask him to stop eating beans, he gets oddly emotional and says he'll just starve to death then.

Another effect from child abuse is eating disorders and obesity.

You already know this a big part of murderface's character. There are times where he's seen constantly eating junk food, to eating nothing and just drinking coffee, to the doctor pointing out the back of his teeth are decaying. And murderface informs him it's from throwing up his food.

He also gets teased for his weight being called chubby and fat, ect. Murderface has a hard time with his weight, his excessive eating may even be seen as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Other effects such as aggressive behavior, low self esteem, dissociation, ect. Is also shown within the show.

Season 1 episode 15

Murderface gets into a motorcycle accident and is sent into the hospital. This near death experience gets him on a religious journey. Maybe to find answers to certain questions or possibly wondering where he was going to go if he did die? Is he a good person, why do certain things happen to people, what's the meaning of life?

He asked the guys if he really deserved to live. Does he really deserve to be brought onto this world, being a part of a pretty good and rare type of life.

The boys being emotionally closed off don't really answer his question. They honestly brush it off but they do go along with murderface on his spiritual journey.

He eventually chooses no religion, but I feel that near death experience stuck with him. He either decided that life was too short so might as well live it, or a more cynical view on life. That it's meaningless then who cares if he died?

Season 2 episode 11

This is probably an episode where murderface was the most sad and self loathing. (This and another episode I can't wait to get to) after his concert, he felt pretty shitty with the outcome and had lead him to feel that he does not deserve the life he has now and wonders why he even shows his face. Just wanting the spot light for one.

Which is really interesting. Because comparing season 1 with the other 3. Murderface in season one had...fans. There were people who genuinely liked him. The prime example is his birthday episode.

When he had a solo, just like in season 2 episode 11. People were cheering his name. Practically screaming at the rooftops for him. So what happened?

We already know that murderface is the least liked member of the band, but even then he still had fans. Hell people committed terrorists attacks just for him on his birthday.

Maybe it was just a loud minority? Who knows, but if in the show as time went on less and less people had him as his favorite or even just liked him would probably get him really insecure.

After the concert failure, Charles let's him host a Nas car event. Which I'd think would've gone actually well if you know, the dethklok curse wasn't a thing.

Also as murderface was planning the event people around him didn't really support him or help him out. Which is mostly murderface's fault, he has a lack of focus and doesn't really plan things through. This is a good reason for partners and others outside wanting to work with dethklok not want to work with murderface. It costs money and a lot of time to do all the things related to dethklok. And murderface's flakeyness is a valid reason for business and others to not have faith in him when related to these things.

BUT! (This is a little bit of projection here) as someone who also has a lack of focus and hard time to get things done. That doesn't mean I don't want to do said thing, that doesn't mean I want to waste others time. I simply have a hard time focusing, I need structure and that little reminder to get things done. But the difference between me and murderface is that I'm not a billionaire.

I am not apart of a popular metal band, with all the money in the world, with a manager that will clean up every little mess I make.

I have more risk, whatever I fuck up will effect me. I will suffer the consequences. Murderface won't. (Also he's a fictional character..so reality won't have any affect on him lol)

But yea, I believe if murderface would suffer from his consequences then he'd be a bit more on things. Also I feel murderface's mental health issues play a huge role in things.

His fear that he's not good enough, eating disorders, ect. Can really mess up your focus.

So, now to the infamous episode. Dethvanity.

Season 4 episode 8

In this episode Murderface in nominated for the most brutal looking award and this. Fucks. Him. Up.

So much so that he actually hallucinates his bandmates and Charles calling him ugly and other things that they never even said.

When he goes to the plastic surgeon, he tells him. A complete stranger, that he hates himself. For murderface to actually admit this deep issue that he's been keeping deep down. For him to show vulnerability to a stranger is pretty sad.

When he goes to Nathan to borrow money, he tells a story of a 'boy' that was so ugly that he's driven his parents to murder suicide. Again he's calling himself ugly and blaming himself for his parents death. (Were going to get back to that too.)

After murderface gets the surgery he days dream about what would happen if he was beautiful. Finally being accepted and able to say fuck you to all those that were shit to him.

Of course, it doesn't end like that. He's face gets infected and is even more ugly than before.

This episode was pretty messed up. Murderface didn't get what he thought would give him validation, he looks down on himself more, and he is humiliated front of 100s of people.

This whole shit show probably validated all the negative thoughts he had for himself.

Next we'll talk about his internalized homopobia. Murderface...is definitely..not straight. He's not gay either he does have sexual attraction to women but his uncomfortably and very interesting moments and visions say he might like more than just that.

Season 2 episode 5

Murderface has a weird thing with eating 'penis' shaped objects or watching other eating said shaped objects.

He has a lot of weird moments where he gets really close to one of his bandmates and just whispers something in their ear. Specifically Pickles and Skwisgaar.

He just said fuck it and tried to bang toki while they were in the submarine.

Had hallucinations of cutting between women, men, animals, even his own grandmother and was distraught when he had a small moment of admitting he way gay.

There's no real specific reason why or how murderface is this scared of being gay. But I feel it may also be with how he grew up. He was probably been told it was wrong to be gay and how immoral it was to like men and you'll burn in hell if you do. Also being gay wouldn't be 'brutal' or 'manly'.

And not to shit on metal heads but you know. They're not the...most..exclusive group of people.

I think murderface is scared to accept he's gay because his grandparents made him feel he would be a bad person if he was or get kicked out of the band if he was.

So, after all I laid on the table, let's wrap this up. Back to the blaming himself of his parents deth. I believe, Williams parents didn't kill/murder themselves because he has ugly. I like to think the opposite, I believe his parents actually dearly cared for him. I think his father had some serious mental issues or something else pushed him over the edge.

It could be anything really, maybe his dad was crazy, maybe it had something to do with the curse. I like to think they both cared for him his dad just..idk snapped.

I'm assuming murderface's grandparents are his dads parents. And seeing how they treated murderface they most definitely treated his dad the same.

Or, it wasn't murder/suicide at all. Buckle in because it's all tv theory over here. I have a hard time to believe that murderface remembered, in such detail in fact. How his parents died, in the flashback he looks to be 7 to 8 months? Traumatic event yes, but there's no way a baby can remember such a thing.

I think, Stella lied to murderface about how his parents died. I think it was just some evil twisted thing she said to make murderface feel terrible about himself. His parents probably unfortunately died in say a car accident or health related issues. But the main thing is how guilty murderface feels, how terrible he feels that he thinks he was the reason he killed his parents when that's far from the truth.

It was either an unfortunate accident or his father killing themselves. But it is not murderface's fault.

The physical abuse from his grandparents, the guilt of believing he's the reason for his parents death, his aggressive internalized homopobia, lack of support, the bullying from his bandmates, body issues/eating disorder, and it just keeps going.

It's no fucking wonder why the man is like this. Don't get me wrong, murderface is an asshole and is responsible for most of his actions.

But that's still a lot of shit for someone to go through.

That's all I have, this is really long. But I hoped you like this little thread. There's still more to his character but this is long enough.

[fanficimagery]

A Baby Spark

Imagine it being almost two years since you've seen your family. You've been through some changes since you've been gone and you're surprised at how well your family just seems to roll with the punches. Then again your little sister is exactly how you remember her either.

Words: 8.7K Author's Note: I'm a weakass bitch who loves a good crossover. Hopefully I did these two fandoms some justice. I'm warning you right now there's a little violence in here.

Pacing in front of the couch out back in the studio, Julie opens her mouth to say something but snaps it shut and shakes her head as she mumbles to herself. For about ten minutes now she's been like this and Luke, Reggie, and Alex can only stare at her with dread slowly creeping in.

"Is she having a breakdown or something?" Reggie asks quietly, eyes following her back and forth. "I've never seen her like this."

"I don't know, but I'm starting to feel queasy," Alex says.

Luke rolls his eyes. "It's Julie. It's nothing bad," he says. "We all know she works herself up over nothing."

"Okay!" All three boys startle, jumping in their seats and practically clinging to one another. When they realize what they've done, they quickly let go and attempt to act cool. "So my sister is coming down for a visit and dad thinks we should ease her into the secret of you guys being ghosts."

"Your sister?" Alex wonders, intrigued. "She finally got in touch?"

"Yeah." Julie slowly smiles. "She, uh, she sounded weird on the phone. Really emotional. But she said she's ready to be home for a bit."

"Well you said you haven't seen each other face to face in almost two years," Reggie says. "It's understandable that she'd be emotional."

"True." Julie shrugs. "Anyway, you guys need to remember no vanishing into thin air or appearing from thin air while in the same room as her. We can't have her asking questions until we're ready to tell her."

"I think we can handle that." Luke nods, looking at the boys. "At least I'm pretty sure we can."

Alex nudges him, scoffing. "Of course we can."

"Okay. Good. Because she's going to be here any minute now."

"WHAT?!"

"I thought we had more time!"

"Aw man," Reggie whines. "What do I wear?"

          - - - - - - - - - - 

You pull up to your childhood home about twenty minutes after the sun has set, excited to see your family and the boys who had reintroduced your baby sister to music after your mom had passed. You'd been keeping up with her via social media and was shocked to see her performing with holograms. Something about the holograms didn't quite add up, but you didn't question it seeing as your sister was thriving with her newfound friendships.

You've barely shut the door to your rented vehicle when the front door swings open, and your baby brother and baby sister are barreling down the porch. You laugh at their enthusiasm, opening your arms wide and bracing yourself for the impact. The moment they hit you, you bring your arms down around them. "Oh my god. You guys have grown so much!"

"Well that's what happens when you don't visit. We grow up."

"Carlos!" Julie quickly reprimands him. She then glances up at you, chuckling nervously. "He didn't mean that."

"Of course he did," you muse. "He's a Molina. And it's not like he's wrong."

But your sister isn't having it. "You had valid excuses- school and then you were really sick that one time. It's okay."

Sick, you mentally scoff, if only it were that simple.

"Right. Well I'm home now and I plan to visit whenever I can in the future," you say. Carlos and Julie beam at you. "So come on. I'm starving and I really want to see dad and meet these phantoms."

Carlos releases you and immediately turns to run back inside, and Julie latches onto your arm as she walks side-by-side with you. The closer you get to the porch, the more a faint scent on the air tickles your nose. Then once on the porch, it's a little bit stronger and it has you tensing.

Julie notices as she continues to walk, only to be pulled back from where she's still connected to you. "What's wrong?"

Staring off the side where you know the gate is for the backyard, your nostrils slightly flare, but at the sound of Julie's voice you close your eyes and shake your head to clear it. "Nothing. I'm fine," you mumble. "I just- I thought I smelled burning wire or something." Looking forward and then towards your sister, you chuckle. "My roommate started a fire a couple weeks back. It's made me paranoid ever since."

The lie comes a little too easily and you feel guilty. But then Julie snorts, you breathe a little easier, and then the two of you make the rest of the way inside the house. The smell of home makes your shoulders sag and feel like a weight's been lifted off of you. You glance around the living room, smiling softly at various touches you knew your mother added and the fact that your dad's kept them as reminders of the love of his life. There are three familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time, faces sitting together on the couch. They stare at you, hesitant expressions on their faces until you smile and wave at them. The boy in a leather jacket is the first to smile back, waving, followed by the blonde and the shaggy haired brunette.

"That's Reggie, Alex, and Luke," Julie introduces them to you. "Guys, this is my older sister Y/N."

"Hey guys, it's nice to finally meet you face to face."

"Likewise," Alex says. "Julie's told us so much about you."

"Aw." You let go of Julie's arm just to wrap it around her head, she immediately struggling to get out of the headlock you put her in. You laugh, tugging on her curls. "You talk about me? Am I the cool older sister? You love me that much?" You tease her.

"Get. Off." Julie tries to shove you off, but the two of you just end up falling to the floor.

"Alright. Girl fight!" Reggie cheers. "I got money on the older Molina."

"I don't know," Alex muses. "Jules can be pretty feisty."

"Pft. No way." Carlos scoffs. "Y/N has this in the bag."

"How are you so freakishly strong?" Julie complains. "Did you start working out or something?"

"Or something," you laugh.

There's a sigh that has you looking up instantly. "You would think that my college-aged daughter would be adult enough to not wrestle her younger siblings on the floor."

"Dad!" Immediately you abandon your sister, flicking her forehead once for good measure, before launching yourself at your dad. "You're lookin' healthy, old man. The younger crotch goblins keeping you in line?"

"Hey!"

The boys laugh at Julie and Carlos' simultaneous shouts, and you wink at them before squeezing your dad a little bit longer. "How was the drive, mija?"

"It was fine," you say. "Long. And now I'm just ready to chow down."

"You have perfect timing then. The stew is ready, but now we're just waiting on Reggie's rolls to come out of the oven."

You dramatically gasp as you look towards the boy in question. "Not only is he cute, but he bakes too? Julie, you better husband that one up."

Two out of the three boys laugh as the other one frowns, and Julie rolls her eyes. "Shut up." Then looking out towards the group, she says, "Someone come help me set the table."

Your dad and Carlos head into the kitchen behind Julie, and you walk over towards the couch to sit on the armrest nearest Luke. Putting a hand on his shoulder, you squeeze. "Don't frown, biceps. I totally ship you and my sister. The two of you just ooze chemistry and I find it utterly adorable."

Alex groans. "Please don't say ooze again."

"Ooze," you deadpan. You look Alex in the eye. "Ooze. Ooze."

His nose wrinkles. "So you're the evil Molina. I know who Carlos takes after now."

All four of you chuckle and fall into a comfortable silence. However, as you sit there, you realize something odd. Everyone, human or not, has a scent. But these three boys next to you? There's no hint of B.O or cologne. Nothing. You frown as you stare at each one, at how human they appear to be, but before you can notice anything else your dad's calling out.

"Dinner's ready!"

You quickly paste on a smile as Luke and Reggie rush towards the kitchen. Alex sighs. "I would say sorry on their behalf, but then I'd be saying sorry the entire duration you're here because it's just how they are."

"I get it," you chuckle softly. "I have a friend like that. Stiles. He's- he's a lot to handle sometimes."

Dinner is quite the affair and you can't help but be in awe with how these three boys have brought life back into your home. When your mom passed, it was like the life was sucked out of everyone. There were no smiles, there was no laughing, and everyone seemed to lose interest in something. You almost didn't go back to school, instead choosing to look after Julie and Carlos, but from one day to the next it was like your dad snapped out of his grief and started looking after the kids again. So you went back to school, kept up with your schoolwork, got.. sick, and finally had enough strength to visit your family. You wanted it to be a happy family reunion, so you'll be damned if three charming boys took advantage of your family.

The following day is spent with just your family and a brief visit made by Flynn, but throughout the entire day you can't help but notice something is off. Every now and then it feels like the temperature drops or you have an overwhelming feeling of being watched or you catch Julie mumbling towards nothing but thin air. Your little sister acts highly suspicious, but she plays it off every time you call attention to it.

On your third day home, however, your family's been out grocery shopping when you decide to visit your mom's studio. It's the first time you've gone out back since you've been home, so of course the scent that first put you on edge hits you full force. Annoyance immediately sets in and you follow the musky scent which leads you to the studio. Hearing voices inside makes you freeze and you tilt your head to get a better listen.

The three voices are Luke, Reggie, and Alex, and while that should be weird since no one is home.. it's not the oddest thing. The oddest thing is that while you can hear them talking and the hum of their amps, that's all you hear. No heartbeats.

Pulling open the door, all three boys look like deer caught in headlights. "Hey, boys." You quirk an eyebrow at them, walking in and taking a little pleasure in watching them squirm. "Whatcha up to out here?"

"Oh, um," Alex stammers, "R-Ray lets us practice out here whenever we want."

"Mhm." You glance at Reggie, his demeanor entirely too soft to threaten. Instead you glance at Luke and realize he'll be the one revving for a fight if you go after the other two. So you set your sights on him. "I'm sure my mom would have adored you boys." Walking around Luke, you step close and trail a finger along the strap of his guitar. "Well at least she would have adored whatever it is you boys are." The boys all seem to cease breathing and quick as lightning you grab a fistful of Luke's shirt and bring his face close to yours. "So tell me, Luke, what are you?"

His eyes blow wide. "W-What? I'm a d-dude. Human!"

"Wrong answer." Eyes flash gold and you can feel the teeth in your mouth shifting. Luke seems to lose what little color he had left in his cheeks. "You have no scent. You have no heartbeat! So tell me what you are."

Luke gapes at you until all of a sudden he completely vanishes out of your grip. You growl, eyes darting all over the place.

"What am I? What the hell are you?!"

You whirl around, snarling, and startling all three boys. All three are gaping, staring wide-eyed as they take in the full picture of what you are. Of what you had to become. "Why are you messing with my family?"

You're so caught up with the boys that you're not listening to your senses and completely miss the fact that your family has gotten home. You're caught off guard as Julie walks through the studio door and you take a step back as Julie's erratic heart nearly makes you whine.

"I- what?" She mutters. You exhale shakily and you can feel your face shifting back to normal. "Y/N?"

"I can explain," you tell her softly. She stares at you, fear wafting off of her and making your nose itch. "But first your boys need to come clean. They're not exactly what they look like." All four- FOUR!- suddenly fidget nervously and your eyes narrow. "But you already knew that, didn't you?"

She numbly nods her head. "Yes. Dad and Carlos too. B-But it's nothing as crazy as whatever is going on with you." She gulps. "Which, by the way, what- what even are you?"

You sigh, backing up until you're plopping down onto an armchair. You gesture to the couch across from you and watch as the three boys keep themselves between you and Julie until they're all on the couch. "Remember when I was sick? And the doctor said I had a fifty-fifty chance of surviving?"

She frowns. "Yeah. But what-"

"He was lying to you. I didn't have a fifty-fifty chance. I was going to die. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

"How would you know that?"

"Because my roommate could smell death on me," you say. Julie, Luke, Reggie, and Alex all blink at you. "The thing you need to know, Jules, is that pretty much every supernatural creature we grew up reading about is real."

Alex gulps. "Witches?" You nod.

"Vampires?" Luke starts to grin. You nod again.

"Werewolves?" Reggie wonders, awe already filling his features.

You glance at him and flash your eyes. "What do you think I am?" You muse. His eyes widen, but then a smile breaks out and you breathe a little easier. At least he won't be running from you. "Anyway, she literally smelled me rotting from the inside out. So when she really grew concerned, she went to one of her alphas and told him what was going on with me."

"Wait. One of her alphas?"

"Yeah." You shrug. "It's a whole pack, the Hale-McCall pack. There's two alphas within the ranks and instead of protecting one little town they decided to spread out. Scott protects Beacon Hills since that's where he lives and Derek came down south to expand our territory. We're kind of all spread out in California with two ally packs further up north."

"Okay so this is all interesting, but how does that explain how or why you changed?" Julie asks.

"Oh. Right." You sigh. "Well Cora- my roommate- didn't want me to die. She came to me and asked me that if there was a cure of sorts, a way that only granted me a fifty-fifty chance of survival rather than a hundred percent death, if I would take it. I asked for more of an explanation and she showed me what she was while explaining more about the supernatural world. So I said I wanted the cure. And then I met her brother Derek."

"Who and what is Derek?" Your sister asks.

"A werewolf. An alpha werewolf to be exact," you tell your audience. "Only the bite of an alpha werewolf can turn someone, but at that it's only a fifty-fifty chance. So I took it since it was more of a chance than I originally had and I became a beta werewolf."

"Is this why you stayed away?"

"I had to. Turning isn't as simple as it sounds. I had to learn control and I had to learn to protect myself. I might be stronger and faster and not entirely human, but there are people out there who train to kill people like me. It wasn't safe for any of us if I were to come so soon after becoming a werewolf."

Julie nervously shifts. "And it's safe now?"

"Yeah. We have some friends in the Hunter community, and Scott and Derek have been working hard to mend bridges between everyone. Since Derek approves of my control, he said it was okay for me to come."

Luke huffs. "You call this control? You attacked me."

"Can you blame me?" You raise an eyebrow at him. "I came home to find three individuals with no scent or no heartbeat practically living with my family, and the scent of another werewolf around my childhood home where my very human family still lives. What was I supposed to do?"

"Wait, what?" Julie's eyes blow wide. "There's been a werewolf around us?"

"Yeah. And speaking of," you say, "since these three appear to not be the culprits, has there been anyone hanging around? Staring longingly or just giving off the creepiest of vibes? The scent was maybe a few days old, but it's definitely werewolf."

Your sister shivers and crosses her arms over her chest as if to hug herself. "Not that I noticed."

You glance at the boys and all three shake their heads. "Keep an eye out then. That's kind of suspicious." Everyone nods. You inhale and then exhale deeply, looking at each individual. But as no one says anything, you lightly clear your throat. "So is anyone going to tell me what you three are or..?"

"Oh!" Julie leans forward, smiling softly. "Ghosts."

"Ghosts?"

"Ghosts!" Reggie disappears from his spot on the couch and reappears at your side. You faintly startle, but he still sees it and chuckles. "We kind of kicked the bucket about twenty six years ago now."

Luke sighs. "Street dogs, man. We can never look at them the same way ever again."

You snort and then slap a hand over your mouth as you stare at the boys with wide eyes. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to laugh."

"Don't even worry about it," Alex says. "We've had some time to get over it and well now we have this cool gig with Julie so it's fine."

"Well either way I'm sorry you guys died, but I'm stoked you came into my family's life when you did."

The three boys beam, but Julie leans forward. "You know you have to tell dad, right? This is something dad needs to know."

"I know." You frown. "I just- how do I tell dad I'm not exactly human anymore?"

"Together." Julie smiles sadly at you. "We'll tell him together."

After calling an emergency family meeting the previous night, telling your dad and baby brother that werewolves existed was possibly the hardest thing you had to do. Out of the two of them, Carlos was most excited about all the new information you were offering up. But your dad, however, had a brief breakdown when you explained that you were literally going to die unless you had taken the bite from a werewolf. It had taken you almost ten minutes to calm him down, but you only made it a little bit worse when you told him there were rules now that the family knew the supernatural world existed.

Your dad and Carlos had tons of questions, and by the time dinner rolled around Ray just called in several pizzas so they could continue to grill you. Eventually things had settled and everyone went their separate ways to shower and get some sleep.

Then the day after that, you spend the day watching Julie and the boys rehearse because they got a last minute gig this coming Friday night. Even when they're goofing off they play amazingly and you praise them every moment you can. You're so caught up with your family and the boys that everything else is pushed to the back of your mind. And that's where it stays until after Julie and the Phantoms' performance three days later.

It's approaching midnight when you get home, you having rode with your family to and back from the club. It was the most fun you had in awhile, standing directly in front of the stage and screaming the lyrics back at your sister and Luke as they performed. And when you get home you and Julie are still singing along to one of her songs as you walk towards the front door, only to stumble to a halt when the scent of werewolf hits you full force.

"Mija, what's going on?"

"Shh!" You push Julie towards your dad and walk closer to the front door, eyes narrowing at the fact that it's cracked open when it should be locked. You put your nose close to the gap of the opened door and inhale deeply, eyes glowing gold in anger. There's a loud thump from inside and you whirl around to face your dad. He tenses as he eyes the fangs peeking from between your lips. "Get back in the car," you growl. "Do not get out until I come get you."

"Mija-"

"Do you understand?" You growl again, cutting him off. Your dad gulps and quickly nods, grabbing ahold of Carlos and Julie's hands to rush them away.

When you hear the car doors slam shut, the rummaging from inside your house stops. So before whoever is inside can flee, you brace yourself and walk inside. Slamming the door behind you, you open up your senses to tell you who or what is inside with you.

There's a warning growl from up above you and you snarl in response, not taking kindly to being warned off in your own home. Suddenly there are footsteps rushing towards the staircase and you lunge for them, bounding up the steps a few at a time. You meet the werewolf on the stairs, roaring at the sight of electric blue eyes glaring at you. He tries to leap over you, but you catch him by the ankle and tug him down with all your strength.

He's taller than you and more solid than you originally thought, so you mentally curse yourself when you can hear the staircase creak and crack as you fall down the stairs with him. Taking a boot to the gut, you swing out to claw him down his thigh. You draw first blood, but then the werewolf rounds on you with his teeth and claws bared. He lunges, catching you around the waist and slams your back down on the stairs. You grunt in pain, punching and clawing, but only earn a set of claws being dragged down the side of your face in return.

You hear him grunt, followed by a large crack, and your eyes fly open wide when you feel a thin pole from the wooden bannister be shoved into your gut. You roar out, completely shocked at this wolf's aggressiveness, and your saving grace comes in the form of three ghosts.

Alex, Luke, and Reggie pop in, startling the werewolf hovering above you. Their exclamations of pure joy quickly turn to ones of surprise and fear, and you use this brief reprieve to summon all your rage and push back. Once your feet are back beneath you, you shove the wolf back and against a wall. One hand goes around his throat and you use the other to shove your claws into his gut.

"What.. do you want.. with my family?" You ask, shoving your claws in deeper with each pause. The werewolf growls and easily overpowers you, shoving you back and fleeing through the back door.

When you get back to your feet, you attempt to run after him but Reggie rushes in front of you. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you're going?!"

"Reg, get out of my way," you seethe.

"Nope. No way. In case you haven't noticed, you've been impaled!" His hands flail in the direction of your abdomen. "Shouldn't you like go to the hospital or something?"

"I'll heal." You grab the wooden pole protruding from your body, grasping it tightly and yanking it free.

Reggie gags and you let it drop, only to then be approached by Luke." Y/N, where's Jules? And Carlos and your dad?"

At the mention of your family, the haze of rage starts to fade. You breathe deeply, letting the aches and pain take over as your features shift back to normal. "They're in the car," you say. "Can you go get them? I need to check upstairs to see what that asshole was doing."

"For sure."

As Luke poofs away, you turn back towards the stairs and make your way up them. You follow the scent of werewolf and when you find where it leads your rage comes back ten-fold. Shoving your way in Julie's room, you snarl when you find the strange scent by her dresser, in her closet, and on her bed. You catch whiffs of his scent on random items and you tense when there's a shout of your name from downstairs.

Realizing it's only your dad, you give yourself a moment to make sure you have yourself under control before making your way downstairs. "I'm sorry about the staircase," you say. "I'll call someone in the morning to come estimate the damages and fix it." Everyone is oddly quiet and when you meet their gazes, you see half are on your face and the other are on your stomach. "Relax. It'll heal."

"Will it?" Ray asks. He walks forward, gently cupping your face and angling it so he can get a better look.

"Yeah. It's already stopped bleeding. Now all they gotta do is close up."

"Okay." Your dad gulps. "Did you- did you figure out what was going on?"

"Some rogue werewolf," you tell him. "Normally I wouldn't worry because it's normal for a werewolf to scope out another werewolf in their territory, but this one was only in Julie's room. He didn't go near mine. Something's up."

Luke wraps an arm around Julie's shoulder as she gasps and Ray worriedly glances at his daughter. Carlos steps up on Julie's other side, grabbing her hand and looking every bit determined to keep her safe.

"What can we do?" Luke asks.

"Well for starters," you sigh, "everyone can take a chill pill. Go change, go shower, and go to sleep. I'll clean up and I'll call in reinforcements. I hope you guys are ready to meet my alpha."

"Are you sure, mija?" Your dad asks.

"Yeah. I'm too amped up to do anything other than keep watch and my alpha is necessary since this rogue werewolf easily overpowered me. I'm still new to this whole supernatural business, so it's better if someone more experienced comes in."

Ray and Carlos hesitantly make their way towards the stairs, but as Julie moves she makes a lunge for you. Her arms wrap around you and yours her, and you rub the side of your jaw along her temple. "You're going to be okay," you mumble. "Trust me."

"I do."

Luke and Reggie readily follow your family upstairs, but Alex lingers. You look at him, smiling softly. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asks. "You literally had a pole sticking out of your stomach."

"I'm fine, Al." You lift up your shirt, showing him the barely there hole. "See? It's closing. The healing process is just a little slow for me because I'm a bitten werewolf, not born."

"Oh. Okay. Cool." His hands go into his pockets as he glances around the room nervously. "So do you want some company?"

"Sure." You chuckle softly. "But first, I have a call to make."

Alex follows you into the kitchen where you lean tiredly against the island counter, putting your phone down on the counter top as you look for a specific contact and then put your phone on speaker as to not be rude to your guest. It rings a couple of times before the line clicks open.

"Y/N? What's wrong?" Derek's gruff voice makes you smile and Alex's eyes widen.

"Why would you think something is wrong, Der?"

"Because you told us not to contact you until your two weeks with your family were up. You still have another week with them and you're calling me. In the middle of the night. So again I'll ask, what's wrong?"

You sigh and this time it's Alex's turn to grin at you. "So I might have a problem."

Derek groans. "What did you do this time?"

You open your mouth to play off the seriousness of the situation, but after the night you had you're just not feeling. So you snap your mouth shut and sigh once more. "When I first got here, I smelled a werewolf around the house," you say. "I didn't think anything of it because it was faint, but tonight I found the werewolf in my little sister's room. We fought and he fled. I have an uncomfortable feeling about this, Der."

A moment passes in silence before Derek says, "We're on the way."

"Okay, but before you come to the rescue there's something you need to know." He doesn't say anything, but the line is still connected so you know he's waiting. "So you know how we always said something was odd about my sister's holograms?"

"Yeah?"

"Well funnily enough, they're ghosts! But don't worry," you're quick to cut off an inevitable rant, "there's nothing fishy or any ulterior motives. These guys are good, pure, and goofy. Please don't start anything."

There's a heavy exhale and then, "We'll see."

"Bring food!" You're quick to toss in, grinning that you got that in before the call ended. Alex stares at you and you roll your eyes playfully at him. "Relax. It's going to be fine."

Derek and the others could have been there within a few hours, but they didn't want to be rude and show up while your family was sleeping. You texted back and forth with Cora after Derek spilled the ghost secret, and you laughed when she mentioned she was excited to meet them because your little sister's music was quite catchy.

When you hear your family starting to stir awake, you send off a quick text to Derek to let him know that it was okay for them to finally come over. And to bring food because there's not enough to feed three werewolves, three ghosts, and three humans in the house.

Carlos is the only one who looks well rested, Ray and Julie looking like they tossed and turned all night. Luke, Reggie, and Alex poof into the room and you tiredly nod at them.

"Did you get any sleep?" Your dad asks.

"Nah. I've been keeping watch and keeping in contact with the pack," you say. "Derek and Cora are on the way, and Scott said to let him know if we needed him. The rest of the pack would come if needed."

"Mhm. Is there anything we need to know about this Derek and Cora?"

You glance around at your family and ghosts, and sigh when they're waiting for some sort of answer. "Just that they had a really traumatic event happen when they were younger, so if they're not exactly warm in the beginning don't take it personal."

Reggie leans forward in his seat. "Mhm. How traumatic are we talking?"

"Like their entire family was trapped in their home and burned alive traumatic." Everyone's eyes widen and you wince. "Yeah. A bunch of other stuff happened, but it's confusing and not everything is black and white as you may think. I just rather not delve too deep into their personal business moments before you meet them."

After a few lingering moments, Carlos is the first to mention he's hungry. Your dad says he'll get started on breakfast, but you stop them before they can even make it to the kitchen. Then before you can explain why making food isn't necessary, the doorbell rings and everyone freezes.

"I'll, um, I'll just get that."

Hurrying to the door, you open it up and smile in relief at the sight of your two favorite Hales.

"We come bearing McDonald's," Cora says. "We also might have pissed off a long line of cars because we bought out all their sausage biscuits and hash browns."

You laugh. "And I bet you cackled as you drove off."

"She did," Derek deadpans.

You shake your head and then step out of the way, gesturing the two Hales inside. You shut the door behind them and when you turn around to follow them you find that you don't have to go far. Everyone is just standing around, staring at the two newcomers and you shake your head. "What are you all doing out here? Get into the kitchen! I want to eat."

Carlos steps forward, staring up at Derek and Cora with a curious expression. "So werewolves, huh? And you're the one who bit my sister?" Derek tenses, but nods nonetheless. "Well thanks for saving her, but now I'll never beat her in a wrestling match. Can someone biscuit me so I can eat my feelings?"

You snort just as Cora cracks a grin and she walks forward while gesturing for Carlos to follow her into the kitchen. Derek stays put and you step up to his side, nodding up at him before looking out. "So," you start, looking at everyone else, "I'd like you guys to meet alpha Derek Hale. Der, this is my dad, my sister Julie, Carlos followed after Cora, and then we have Alex, Reggie, and Luke."

Everyone gave some form of acknowledgement as they were introduced and Derek sticks his hand out for your dad. "It's nice to finally meet you, sir. I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances."

Ray grasps onto his hand and shakes it. "Ditto."

"Okay," you drawl. "Now that the awkward introductions are over with, can we eat?"

Everyone walks into the kitchen then, you nudging your sister and chuckling at her wariness. Then once in the kitchen, you introduce everyone to Cora as well. The food is passed out and it feels like you're smiling encouragingly at everyone because they're intimidated by Derek's mere presence.

When everyone appears to be done with their food, it's Derek who clears his throat. "So do you wanna know why there's a werewolf interested in Julie now or later?"

The table falls silent and it's Julie who finally addresses him. "Wait. You already know? Without snooping around?"

Derek looks at her and smiles kindly which sets your heart a flutter. You're not stupid, you're well aware just how attractive your alpha is, but you never let yourself cross that line. Cora, however, has no problems teasing you about it, nudging you and smirking. You glare at her and return your attention to Derek. "I do. I'm not surprised Y/N didn't pick up on it, but I am surprised my sister hasn't mentioned anything."

Cora stops her teasing them, brows furrowed as she looks at her brother. "What?"

Derek pushes back from the table and offers his hand for Julie. "I'm sorry this might be uncomfortable for you, but will you join us over here?" she quickly glances at you and your dad, and your dad nods at her. She gets up and joins Derek at his side, and he gently grabs her arm to hold between you and Cora. "Focus on Julie's scent. Who does she remind you of?"

Cora's more in tune with her senses, so it doesn't take her long to pick up on what her brother is suggesting. It takes you a minute and when her scent has fully engulfed you, your eyes fly open. "How did I miss that?"

"M-Miss what?" Your sister stammers, pulling her arm back.

Cora glances between Julie and her brother, and you shake your head. "It's impossible. Stiles is a.." you trail off and Derek quirks an eyebrow at you, grinning.

"Excuse me," Luke pipes up, "but who and what the hell is a Stiles?"

Derek and Cora snort, and your gaze darts between Luke, Reggie, Alex, and your sister.

"Mija, what's going on?" Ray asks.

You gulp as realization slowly settles in. Looking at Julie, you ask, "They used to be invisible, right?"

"Yeah."

"But then they were cursed by another ghost, almost jolted out of existence, and you pulled them to you at the Orpheum. You wanted them and they appeared, and then by some weird happenstance you didn't want them to go and the curse was lifted. You were finally able to touch and everyone could see them."

Julie frowns at you. "You knew this already. What does that have to do with-"

"You're a Spark."

"What?"

Ray glances between both his daughters. "What's a Spark and how bad is this?"

You're left blinking at your sister in awe, so Derek takes over once more. "A Spark is someone with magical abilities, sir. When trained properly, they're a force to be reckoned with. They're highly sought after because they're not as neutral as a pack Emissary and can offer a hell of a lot more protection than an Emissary."

"Mhm. And what's an Emissary?"

"It's someone who offers advice and keeps peace during pack meetings," you say. "They're limited in their knowledge and magical abilities, but a Spark.. a Spark is so much more."

"So that's why this werewolf was sniffing around the house?" Ray asks. "Because he could smell the magic coming off Julie?"

"Yes." Derek tells him honestly. You can hear Julie's heartbeat pick up speed and you're quick to stand and wrap her in a hug. "If he's an Omega, which I believe he is since no one else came back when he faced off against Y/N, I think he wants to grow his own pack."

"And having a Spark within his pack would look good when recruiting others," Cora says.

Ray sighs. "What do we do?"

"Honestly? Julie needs to harness her power and learn how to use it."

"What? No!"

"Dad." You look towards him, frowning. "Derek's right. Julie is full of untapped potential and you do not want the wrong person training her. We can help."

Your dad sighs some more, rubbing his hand down his face. Finally he looks at Julie. "What do you want to do, mija? This is your life we're talking about here."

Everyone seems to hold their breath as Julie glances at every person she's come to love. But before she can say anything, Cora speaks up. "Before any decisions are made, I think we need to make sure Julie is a Spark." She then looks at your little sister. "Would you be willing to complete a test? There's no pain, no questions, just simple concentration."

You sister shrugs. "I guess so."

Julie is still apprehensive as Cora exits the room, so you rub her arm up and down. "It's going to be okay." You smile reassuringly at her. "If you truly are what we think you are, I think you might enjoy this. I know Carlos will."

Your baby brother perks up and you grin at him. You're quick to clear away the trash and are done just as Cora re-enters the room. She drops a duffel bag atop the table and Derek opens it up, pulling on a pair of gloves before he removes a vial full of black powder.

"What's that?" Luke asks.

"Mountain ash." Derek explains. "Create a closed barrier with this and no supernatural creature can cross it."

"And the rest?" Reggie wonders, peeking into the bag. Several vials clink together and he's quick to back off.

"Wolfsbane," you tell him. "It's lethal to us, but if we're shot or nicked with a weapon that holds a certain strain of this stuff, we figure out which strain it is and burn the ash that we have on hand to press into our wounds. For some reason it counteracts the effects."

"But in order to see if Julie truly is a Spark," Derek says, pulling everyone's attention back to the main topic, "we need her to create a barrier of mountain ash around Cora."

Julie quickly glances at you and you give her a nod. She walks towards Derek and Cora, and Derek opens up the vial to pour a small mound of black ash in the center of her palm. Julie glances up at him in surprise and then at the space around Cora's feet. "That's all you're giving me?"

"That's all you get."

Julie glances at you again and the panic is clear in her eyes. "Relax," you say. She gulps. "Relax," you say again, softer. "Inhale and exhale, Jules." She does as you say and after a couple of deep breaths, you say, "Now close your eyes. Form a loose fist and believe that you have all the ash you need there in the center of your hand as it tips out while walking a circle around Cora."

Julie's eyes fly open as she scoffs. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." You grin. "Magic is all about belief. Now close your eyes and concentrate. You have to want to close this circle. Do it."

Again everyone seems to hold their breath as Julie closes her eyes and shakes herself out. She takes a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly. You can practically see the moment her mind clears, her expression going slack right before she tips her fist and the ash starts to fall. She walks in an unsteady circle, her brow furrowing halfway around. She unknowingly walks the entire circle, her eyes flying open as she groans. "This is dumb."

"Is it?" Cora wonders. She raises her hand and goes to touch Julie, but her hand hits an invisible wall that shimmers a faint blue before fading.

Julie glances down, her eyes widening before she looks at you. "It worked?"

"It worked," you assure her. Everyone seems to scramble up from their seats then, gathering around Julie and Cora. You snort as Carlos and Reggie easily put their hands inside the circle, but Cora has no such luck of reaching out of it. You raise your eyebrow at that. "Well at least we know mountain ash doesn't work on ghosts."

"Um, how do we get her out now?" Julie nervously wonders.

"You or any other human can just drag the toe of your shoe through it. It'll break the circle."

"Cool!" Carlos readily drags his socked toe through the ash and Cora laughs as she steps out of the circle.

"So what happens now?" Alex asks, glancing between his newfound family a bit nervously.

"Now we find her a mentor," Derek says. "And a pack because without one-" he says, cutting off your dad, "it'll just be a matter of time before another werewolf comes looking. Or something worse."

"We, uh, we know a Spark," you say, glancing at Derek who gives you a nod to continue. "Stiles. He's obnoxiously smart and powerful, and unfortunately he refuses to leave alpha McCall's side long term. But since we're basically in the same pack, he'll visit and help mentor Julie if we ask."

"What about a pack?" She frowns. "I don't want to join a bunch of strangers."

"Then join the Hale pack," Derek says after a beat. You and Cora look at him in surprise, but he only has eyes for your baby sister and dad. "We can locate further south so Julie doesn't have to leave anyone behind."

"Der, are you serious?" You shakily ask.

He glances at you and smirks. "Of course. We'll start house hunting if your sister agrees."

You glance at Julie and her eyes are wide. A moment passes and then she looks at you, a relieved smile taking over. "Yeah. Uh, yeah. I'll join if it's okay with my dad?"

Everyone looks at Ray. "Why do I get the feeling my grocery bill just got a whole lot higher?"

You, Cora, and Derek laugh. "Don't worry, dad. As alpha, it's Derek's job to provide for the pack."

Over the next couple of days, Derek and Ray spend a lot of time in Ray's office- the alpha filling in your dad about pack politics since Julie was still so young. Stiles has already been called, but he had a few things to take care of before he could make the trip down south. So until then, you, Derek, and Cora were going to be staying with your family. Derek took to searching for a new pack house while you and Cora happily told the younger generation about your favorite pack stories.

Julie, Ray, and Carlos have a chaperone everywhere they go, but surprisingly no one complains. You and Cora had to take a brief leave from school, citing family emergencies, and you spend the newfound time protecting your family.

Unfortunately, before Stiles can show up and lay protection wards around the house, the omega werewolf strikes again. Fortunately, however, your dad is with Carlos at one of his baseball games so they're not there to witness the brief brawl.

You and Cora are sitting on the back balcony, listening to Julie and the boys rehearse. Derek had gone for a quick jog around a few blocks, most likely scenting the area for anything out of the norm, and you were in charge of holding down the fort. But the comfort of your house and the fact that nothing had recently happened made you let your guard down, and the opposing werewolf was smart enough to stay down wind.

But then there's glass shattering, the music suddenly cuts out, and Julie's shout pierces through her still live microphone. Without second guessing yourselves, you and Cora get up and jump over the balcony railing. You both land in a crouch, faces immediately transformed, growling. You're quick to straighten up, running towards the studio and throwing open the door.

Julie is huddled into Alex's side with Reggie and Luke brandishing their guitars as weapons in front of them. The werewolf in question is nearly six feet tall with electric blue eyes and a lean build. He's more clean-cut than you remember, but it's the same wolf you saw inside your house. It's a quiet stare-off, but the moment your eyes track to the completely shattered bay windows at the back of the studio a snarl rips free.

"Walk towards us," Cora says. "Do not turn your back on him."

The moment Julie takes a step back, the other werewolf growls and shifts in agitation.

"Try it and you're dead," you seethe.

There's a moment of hesitation and then he's lunging. Cora lunges for the male werewolf while you lunge for your sister, you shoving her and Alex aside. Luke and Reggie are quick to poof out of the way, and then reappear at the couch where Alex and Julie are huddled together. The snarling of Cora and the other werewolf keeps you on edge, and you join your packmate in clawing and shoving, and making sure you do not damage your mom's beloved studio too much.

You and Cora receive a few blows and gashes of your own, but Julie's frantic heartbeat has the two of you fighting for her. You try to fight with all your might, but you know you're in trouble when you and Cora both show obvious signs of tiring whereas the male werewolf still looks as anxious as ever to get his hands on your sister.

A mistake on your part has the male werewolf taking the upper hand, he kicking Cora away and grabbing you by your throat. The sudden action startles you and your lack of air makes you panic. So instead of using your full strength to break his hold, you claw at the hand squeezing your throat.

"Stop. Stop!" Julie pleads.

But her cries fall on deaf ears and it takes the roar of an alpha to startle the male werewolf into dropping you. 

As you gasp for air and scramble towards your sister, you look towards the studio doors to see Derek standing there with glowing red eyes. Derek, half transformed, is completely more terrifying than either you or Cora, and even though you're part of Derek's pack you can't help the uptick of your heartbeat at the power radiating off him.

"The girl is under protection of the McCall-Hale pack," Derek growls. "In fact, this entire territory is now ours. You have until sunrise to be gone or I'll rip your throat out with my teeth if any of us ever see you again."

The werewolf has the audacity to growl at Derek, but you and Cora are quick to flank your alpha. The two of you growl threateningly behind his back and as the opposing werewolf glances between the three of you, he grunts and slowly backs away towards the window he'd thrown himself through.

The second he's gone, Derek leans towards Cora. "Follow him. Make sure he leaves." A growl rumbles from her chest to show she understands and a moment later she's disappearing out the same damaged window. Derek takes a deep breath and let's it out before looking over at your sister. "You okay?"

Reggie blinks and then huffs softly. "Well I think I ghost peed a little, but I'm fine."

"Same, dude," Luke nods. "That was intense."

Your werewolf features fade as you fail to contain your laugh, Alex then glancing over at his friends. "You guys are so lucky you can play instruments and sing."

Julie giggles and you step forward to lean against Derek's arm. "I'm pretty sure Der was talking to my sister."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"I'm fine," Julie says. "But he's not- he won't come back, will he?"

"Not unless he wants an alpha to rip him to shreds," you tell her.

"I'm gonna follow after Cora and make sure the rogue is gone. You good here?"

You glance up at Derek and nod. "Yeah. We're good." Derek smirks at you and you roll your eyes, nudging him to go. After a moment he jogs out of the studio, no doubt following Cora's scent. Someone clears their throat and you glance back at your far too amused sister. "What?"

"So.." she drawls, "care to explain what that just was?"

"What what was?" You ask.

Luke starts to smile. "You totally have a thing for the scary wolf." Alex and Reggie eagerly nod in agreement.

"What? I do not."

"You totally do," Julie says.

"Oh whatever." You roll your eyes, willing yourself not to blush or smile. You'd be damned if you let them in on that particular secret crush, even though you were pretty sure it was mutual. "We have more important things to discuss like fixing the window and informing dad of what went on without freaking him out."

Julie's smile slowly fades. "Are things always going to be intense like what we just saw?"

"I hate to break it to you, baby girl, but yes. Sometimes worse."

"Oh great."

"But you're going to be a total badass," you assure her as you walk towards her. You kneel in front of her, taking her hands in your own. "Stiles is the best and he will make sure you know everything to protect yourself and those close to you. And besides, you'll have three badass werewolves just a few blocks over. You won't be alone."

"Are you sure? I'm still kind of young. I don't want to put your pack in any danger."

You shake your head. "You won't. I don't mean to brag, but the Hale name carries some weight. Scott kind of made a name for himself as well, so when everyone finds out you're under our protection it'll be okay. Trust me, sis. It won't always be this scary."

"Well as long as you're positive."

"I am. Now come on." You let go of her hands and pat the tops of her thighs as you stand. "Let's go find something to eat and call Stiles. We'll see if he can speed up his trip out here."

[cotton-candy-in-a-thong]

Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue”.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what’s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

[reluctant-mandalore]

Din Djarin Cuddle Headcanons

Masterlist || Request

Warnings: Mostly fluff. Touch starved Mando. Hints at more sexual themes, but nothing sexual happens. It is just some lovely cuddle times. also dad!Din and bestfriend cara. not beta read >.<

Pairing: Din Djarin x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: Hey everyone! If you haven’t noticed I really like cuddling and have been talking about cuddling with Din for a while now. So I finally did up some headcanons. I tried to separate some of the headcanons into sections so they weren’t just one big mass of points. I have quite a bit to throw at you guys lol and there may be some possible fics which arise from these headcanons >.>’

+ Din Djarin loves cuddling, and it’s something he’ll always secretly look forward to. This man is always ready for some cuddle action. 

+ Din especially loves cuddling with his significant other. He loves the warmth and intimacy he feels from being snuggled up with his sweet cyar'ika. 

+ Admittedly, being so close and wrapped up with the one he loves makes Din feel safe and at ease. He could sleep for hours snuggled up with them. 

+ Din isn’t afraid of platonic cuddling either. They haven’t done it very often, but he’s definitely shared some friendly cuddles with Cara, while working together on some jobs. There’s nothing wrong with a pair of good friends enjoying one another’s company, especially if one or both of them need some support. 

+ Cara finds it fun to joke and poke fun at Din while cuddling. She likes to tease her friend at any sort of time, but while they’re close like that it just makes it easier for her. 

+ Usually, if they partake in cuddling with one another, its for comfort reasons. Things like one of them suffering through a nightmare, or having some sort of emotional turmoil, are the main causes to their cuddle moments. 

+ Din still remembers that one day where he had just broke down after almost losing the child. Cara had ended up holding him for hours as she had comforted him after they did manage to rescue the little womprat.  

General Cuddling with a Significant Other:

+ Din will find any excuse to cuddle with his significant other, even if he doesn’t really need a reason to cuddle with them.

+ Din knows that just wanting to cuddle is a good enough motive to do so. Although, he can’t help but come up with an excuse anyway. Bottling up his emotions for years has made it hard for him to just be honest with what he wants.

+ From the lack of physical contact he has experienced in his life, he craves the touch of others, especially if it’s coming from his significant other. Cuddling just happens to be an amazing way of achieving his desire of needing to feel close to them. 

+ This means that the skin-to-skin contact that sometimes comes from cuddling, can send him into a flushing mess and can lead to some more heated encounters. 

+ Cuddling doesn’t always lead to more intimate and sexual moments with him. However, there have been numerous occasions, where a regular cuddle session has turned into a heated affair between him and his significant other. All thanks to the cuddling they had started before hand. 

+ It took Din a while to feel comfortable cuddling without all his armor on. Even with his partner wearing a blindfold, the fear of his creed being broken still remains at times. 

+ He did eventually become more relaxed with the whole thing. He now actually prefers to cuddle without his armor on. 

+ There are times where he still insists on wearing the helmet, but he has become more comfortable with removing the helmet (as long as his significant other has a blindfold on) during their cuddling moments. 

+ When he has his helmet off and his partner is blindfolded, he likes to pepper kisses along their skin, humming as he does so. He’ll caress them with feather-like touches, barely making contact with their form, as he uses just enough pressure to still send shivers down their spin. 

+ Din actually likes when his significant other well do the same to him. Pressing kisses to his revealed skin and tracing heir fingers against his many scars. Doing so can easily send him into a heated frenzy.

+ Din loves having his hair played with. He could just lay there for hours with his partners fingers twirling and running through his thick locks. The gesture always makes him feel sleepy and is one of the quickest ways to help him de-stress. 

+ He likes to play with his partner’s hair too, and he really likes seeing the calming expression that crosses their face as he does. The sight always leaves him feeling happy and content. 

+ Din is a literal space heater, as he lets off a lot of body heat naturally. So, its very nice to cuddle with him when its a cold night. He warms his partner right up. 

+ On warm nights, him and his significant other will sometimes sleep with less blankets (or even without the blankets altogether). Doing this so that they both can still cuddle and not feel too warm while sleeping. 

Cuddling Positions

+ In terms of a favourite cuddle position, he wouldn’t say that he has one. All forms of cuddling are completely valid in his mind.

+ Honestly, as long as he gets to hold and smother his cyar'ika with affection, the position it is done in doesn’t matter to him in the slightest.

+  Din may not have a favourite position, but he definitely prefers ones where he gets to be as close to his significant other as possible. This is most likely due to him being very touched starved and craving their presence.

+ Din is also a healthy mix of being the big spoon and the little spoon. He loves being both immensely.

+ He actually didn’t think he was the little spoon type of person. He thought for sure that he was a big spoon kind of cuddlier. Although, this thought process had all changed after one fateful night.

+ On this night, Din had gone to bed much later than his partner—who was already fast asleep—doing his best not to wake them. His partner had felt his presence anyway though, and they had rolled over towards him more in their sleep. As they did so, their arm had circled around his waist, their face burying itself into the back of his neck as the front of their body pressed tightly into his back. Thus, effectively making him the little spoon for the first time in his life.

+ He had quickly learned from this moment that he loved being the little spoon. He just felt so relaxed and safe like this with his partner.

+ In terms of where he likes to cuddle with his partner, he definitely prefers a more private place. One of their cots (and eventually their shared cot) being the most common.

+ Although, Din does like to let his partner sit in his lap in the pilot chair. He likes just sitting there with them in his arms, while watching stars dash by their sights. 

First Time Cuddling with Significant Other:

+  The first time Din had ever cuddled with his partner was before the two of them had even started dating. 

+ The one night—while staying on a very cold and icy planet—the night had gotten so cold that the Razor’s heating system could not keep up with it. This is what had lead to them sharing a cot. 

+ It was only to conserve body heat of course, and totally wasn’t because they both had a secret crush on one another. 

+ He had taken off his armor, leaving the helmet firmly in place, so he was in nothing but his undershirt and pants. Not feeling comfortable with removing anymore of his clothing. 

+ The two of them had started out back to back, but by morning the both of them had awoken in each other's arms, having begun cuddling sometime in the middle of the night. 

+ This was probably also the first moment that Din had realized just how much he enjoyed cuddling, especially if it was with his future significant other. 

More Cuddling Things:

+ Din’s partner will often find him cuddling with the child. The little one would be snuggled up to Din, while being hugged closely on top of his adoptive fathers chest. 

+ Sometimes Din’s partner could also be found cuddling with the child while sleeping, which leads to the bounty hunter dropping whatever he was doing and joining them instantly. 

+ If Din and his partner also have their own children, he can be found cuddling with them as well. Usually him and the children can be found all in one big pile sleeping where ever they had managed to pass out together. 

+ Family cuddles are an absolute must in their household and happen quite frequently. 

+ After some really tough jobs, Din likes to just melt into his significant other’s arms, sometimes even dozing off there on the spot from how tired he is. 

+ Din thinks that the best naps also involve some sort of cuddling. He finds that he gets a more peaceful rest if he goes to sleep snuggled up with someone.

+ If possibly, Din Djarin would live the rest of his life happily wrapped up and cuddled with his loved ones. 

--

Tags: 

@ah-callie​ @readsalot73​ @karnita-mexicana​ @starrywatermelon​ @kind-of-trash​

[gone-series-orchid]

I know you've said before that you think Caine and Drake are pretty one-dimensional (and I agree completely). I was wondering if there were any other villains that you wish had been explored more instead of giving those two more page time in later books. Or if there were any characters that you thought could have had villainous potential that were unexplored??

wow, interesting question! i think my main problem with caine and drake is that they’re just kind of blandly evil, one-dimensional like you said. i think, ideally, villains should feel like real people.

funnily enough, i think zil probably comes closest to embodying that in this series. he’s mean-spirited from the beginning, but it’s only under lance’s influence (from what i remember) that he becomes a real threat due to his gaining confidence. i think it would have been nice to see more of him in the series—he’s insecure in his role as leader of the human crew, which makes him fallible. he’s also kind of unnerved by lance’s neo-nazism. he’s arguably the most intelligent out of the crew aside from lance. he’s not sympathetic, per se, but he is compelling.

i would’ve liked to see him interact more directly with the protagonists—especially astrid, because i think she should get a chance to one-up him in some way after he was thinking creepy thoughts about her in hunger. also, i think astrid, being the smartie she is, would probably be most likely to try to persuade him to turn over a new leaf—she’s a normal, and a white, aryan-looking (gag) normal at that, which would probably satisfy lance, and she still has distinct power in the fayz. though zil could probably poke a hole in her argument by pointing out that she only really has that power because she’s sam’s girlfriend, which is true. anyway, they could have words about it.

i think zil is compelling because he has the potential to be redeemed. it’s a slight potential, because he’s already done some pretty evil things, but he’s not totally evil—he has to justify the violence he commits in order to accept it, which is more than caine or drake does. we never forget that, at the end of the day, he’s still an insecure, blustering twelve-year-old. he’s an anti-moof bigot, but he could change. i think lance, more than zil, represents total irredeemable evil. he represents what zil could descend into being. he’s the devil on his shoulder (astrid could potentially be the angel if she maybe switched tactics from lawful punishment to direct emotional manipulation).

i’m a sucker for human villains and natural disasters being the principal antagonists, which i think is why the first four books work so well? i think fear and light suffer from the gaiaphage taking control of the narrative, villain-wise, when i think it worked best when used sparingly. gaia is pure evil, nothing more. she’s fun to read about in her own way because she’s so villainously campy, but that’s kind of it. she’s not really interesting, imo.

i think the reason why i harp so much on the insufficient “humanity” of antagonists like caine and drake is because that’s the principal strength of books (lord of the flies, battle royale) in the “kids trapped in place and forced to survive” genre: what do the actions of the characters say about human nature? about society? about morality? in lord of the flies, the message conveyed is ultimately a bleak one: the kids all descend into savagery in one way or another, with the purest one of them all, simon (the jesus figure) being driven insane, and the intellectual (piggy) being murdered. the story is all about “the darkness in the human heart,” to paraphrase the last line of the book.

in battle royale, on the contrary, the message is ultimately one of hope. despite the characters living in a dystopian fascist society that sacrifices one class of students to a killing game, the main character shuya clings to the idea that he and his classmates can figure out an alternate way to survive the titular battle royale aside from murdering each other. his compassionate view of humanity is validated by the pov vignettes given to all his classmates. all of them are given distinct personalities; some are kind, like shuya and his allies noriko and shogo, and some are drake-esque sadists, while the majority fall somewhere in between (my personal favorite characters are the girls that team up with one another in order to protect themselves from possible sexual violence from the boys. they hole up in a lighthouse!). but all are tragic in the sense that they’re children thrust into an unfair and cruel situation. even then, though, the nobility of certain characters shines through.

for instance, there are two girls at the beginning of the game who are best friends and don’t want to kill anyone. they (foolishly or bravely) use a megaphone to call out to the other kids in hiding, asking if they can all band together. shuya and several other characters are tempted, but sadly the girls are both fatally shot soon after their announcement. they die in each other’s arms after affirming their friendship, tears in their eyes. shuya and several other kids are devastated by the girls’ deaths. while some more callous characters deride them as being stupid and naïve, the reader is ultimately meant to mourn their deaths and the lost potential of a class-wide alliance. they know that their enemy isn’t their classmates, but rather the fascist government that makes them kill each other in the first place.

anyway—tangent aside—i think those two aforementioned novels are really solid examples of the genre gone is in. gone has more of superhero vibe to it, given the focus on powers and mutations and paper-thin evil villains, but i almost think the way that’s executed almost detracts against the aforementioned “kids surviving, etc.” genre? like, that’s all about the messiness of morality and human nature and whatnot, and while superhero comics can weave that into their narratives (watchmen, the brat pack) those are usually deconstructions of the genre than straightforward examples of it. the superhero genre is usually morally black-and-white and really action-focused. this is why i think we get the strange tonal mixture of kids reacting realistically to the trauma of starving versus reacting fairly unrealistically when faced with brutal superpowered violence, such as when brianna decapitates drake like it’s nbd. or anything brianna does, really.

there’s a shift from the realistic to the unrealistic that’s fun, but tonally dissonant from each other. so there’s this sort of disconnect, at least for me. i sympathize greatly for astrid when she’s slapped by drake and forced to call little pete a slur, for instance, but how many times does drake or caine murder a kid in cold blood? at some point it gets...idk, old? as the violence gets more cartoony the less it interests me aside from morbid fascination, and there’s just so much of it. it gets desensitizing after a while. i think that’s why, even though i think it’s handled fairly believably in gone, i had a lot more trouble with the monster trilogy’s blend of absurdism (the animorphs-style mutations like dekka turning into a cat woman with medusa hair and another character turning into a praying mantis with super speed, etc.) vs. grimdark realism (ICE forcibly deports a character’s father, terrorist violence is a common theme, the san francisco bridge is destroyed, a baby boy is mutated into a giant fuzzy caterpillar and then gets blown up by the military—like this is budding dystopia-level dark and the narrative doesn’t seem to realize it). it just feels too heavy and too light at the same time. the contrast of tones does a disservice to both of them. idk what i’m saying let’s get back to your actual question lol

as for characters with villainous potential...hmmm. tbh i think astrid has villainous potential? i mean, i like the idea of her moral righteousness escalating in a way that makes her more morally gray. she’d have to probably latch onto more powerful kids in order to have any leverage over sam and the gang, given her powerlessness. maybe she could manipulate orc into being her bodyguard while she plots to usurp sam or something asgjsjk. i think she could be a powerful threat if she wanted to be! it’s fun to ponder. i heard of an au where she joins the human crew that i thought was sort of interesting!

what do you think, @goneseriesanalysis? any villains you wish had been dived into more, and/or characters with villainous potential you think would have been cool to explore?

[etherealhoneybee777]

My first ever fanfiction! (Work in Progress)

Summary:

Mikey has been feeling depressed for weeks, but mean comments about his cooking send him over the edge. Leo comforts Mikey and talks to him about his feelings, and he realizes the impact that words can have on his little brother. 

I wrote this fanfiction because I have a history of mental illness, and I project pretty hard onto Mikey. I wanted to see what it would be like if Mikey was depressed, and how his brothers would help him cope. Please excuse the potential bad writing! This is the first short story I’ve written in a long time :) TW for depression.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13941733/1/Small-Words-Tumbling

The fanfiction:

Small Words, Tumbling

Mikey was curled up on his bed, watching small slivers of light stream through the blinds of his window.

Worthless. Screw-up. Good-for-nothing. Waste of space. Everyone would be fine if you were gone.

He had spent the better part of the day in his room, only coming out to train and prepare meals. Although his brothers would often make fun of the disturbing things he would eat—like anchovy jellybean pizza-Mikey knew that they relied on him to cook practically everything, since they were hopeless in the kitchen. Mikey loved cooking because it made him feel valuable to his brothers. Mikey always had the unshakable feeling that he wasn't as good as the rest of his family. Donnie was a tech genius. Leo was the leader. Raph was a badass fighter. And Master Splinter was, well, Master Splinter. The rest of the family had something specific and valuable to contribute, and all Mikey could do was cook. Cooking was Mikey's talent. No one else in his family could do it. Sure, he wasn't the best fighter, but if Mikey didn't cook, no one could eat. Mikey had been feeling deeply depressed and worthless for months now, but the fact that he could cook made him feel valuable to his family. It was the only thing that made him feel valuable anymore, if he was being honest.

That's probably why what happened that morning hurt Mikey so bad.

That morning, Mikey strode into the kitchen confidently. He had the best idea in the world: grape French toast. Grape soda was delicious. French toast was delicious. So why not combine them?

And so Mikey labored in the kitchen, stirring flour, egg yolks, butter, and sugar until it made a smooth mixture. Then, he pulled the grape soda out of the fridge and poured a generous amount into the mixing bowl.

"Yeah!" Mikey screamed to the empty room, "This is gonna be awesome!"

Thirty minutes later, there were four plates piled high with vivid purple French toast. Mikey pulled out a can of whipped cream and a bottle of syrup and placed them on the counter next to the plates.

"Hey guys, it's time to eat!" Mikey bellowed into the layer. Raph, Donnie, and Leo, who had been watching some morning Space Heroes, got up and sluggishly walked to the kitchen.

"Thank God, I'm starving," Raph said, rubbing his plastron. As he walked into the kitchen though, his slight smile turned into a scowl. "Mikey," he growled, looking at the purple pieces of toast, "What the fuck is this?"

"It's grape French toast, dude!" Mikey said as he tried to hand the stacked plate to Raph. Suddenly, Mikey lost grip of the plate, and three pieces of grape French toast went flying towards Raph's lap.

"Seriously, Mikey?" Raph sneered. Then, he picked up a piece of the purple French toast and waved it in the air, "Whatever this is…it's disgusting!" Raph lowered his voice to a hesitant grumble. "I just wish we'd order takeout instead of letting this genius cook. Honestly, I don't know what to do with him sometimes."

Mikey felt hurt blaze through his chest, for reasons he couldn't explain. He was used to being insulted by Raph, even though he was grumpier than usual today, but no one ever insulted Mikey's breakfasts. Sure, Mikey's cheesy jokes were often met with annoyance, and he was often belittled for being unfocused during fights, but no one ever insulted breakfast. Breakfast was Mikey's one sanctuary, the one place where the things he did could be appreciated.

Mikey looked at Donnie and Leo for some reassurance, but he couldn't find any. Leo was silently flicking his pieces of toast into the trashcan and reaching for a granola bar. Donnie was reluctantly sniffing his pieces of toast but refusing to take a bite.

"Maybe you should go back to cooking the regular breakfasts, you know?" Donatello said, not unkindly. Mikey's heart felt like it was about to burst as he watched Donnie scrape his toast into the trashcan and wash his plate.

"I'm sorry, guys," Mikey said, looking at the ground sheepishly, "Eggs and bakies tomorrow, I promise!" he continued with forced cheer.

Raph grumbled as he walked out of the room and sat on the couch to continue watching Space Heroes. Donnie scurried off into his lab. Leo moved to walk out, but not before he caught a glimpse of the hurt in Mikey's bright blue eyes.

"Hey, Mikey," Leo said, lips bent downwards in concern, "Raph is just a little grumpy today."

But the damage had already been done. As Leo turned away, Mikey's eyes started stinging, and all of Mikey's negative thoughts came flooding to the surface. You're not good enough. You're not as good as your brothers. You can't get a single thing right. Screw-up. They would never miss you if you were gone. Mikey ran to his room, making sure that his brothers couldn't see the tears welling in his eyes.

He stayed in his room for most of the day, only coming out to train. When Mikey trained that day, he only spoke to answer questions and say Hai sensei. He didn't see his brothers trade looks of concern with each other. When training was over, Mikey walked briskly back into his room.

"What's wrong with Mikey?" Raph asked, a tone of annoyance veiling his concern.

"He'll probably come out and tell us soon enough," Leo replied, looking anxiously towards Mikey's room.

Mikey sat in his room for hours. It was so impossibly lonely, not being with his brothers, but how could he face them now? He wasn't good enough, and he didn't want to be a burden to them. He had cried his eyes out for an hour, until he felt like he couldn't cry anymore. It was so stupid that he felt this way over an offhand rude comment Raph made about his cooking. But, the truth was that Mikey had been feeling pretty worthless for weeks, and Raph's comment seemed to validate Mikey's feelings. Mikey desperately wished he could be someone else, someone focused and attentive during battle, someone who knew how to talk to people. He wanted people to laugh with him, but they only laughed at him. Like he was some big joke.

Mikey didn't want to be a joke. He wanted to be a leader, a badass, someone with a purpose. But he was just a burden. A screw up. And his brothers were left to pick up the pieces. Honestly, they would be better off if he wasn't around.

Mikey slowly felt himself sinking deeper in his bed as his thoughts consumed him. He almost didn't hear the slow, methodical knock at the door.

"Mikey, can I come in?"

Leo.

Mikey didn't answer. He had started crying again, and besides that, he just really didn't want to talk to Leo. Mikey was surprised when the door squeaked open and golden light filled his room anyway.

"Mikey!" Leo's eyes widened as he saw the tear tracks on Mikey's face. "Oh my god."

Mikey felt Leo place his weight on the bed. He turned to look at Leo's eyes. Cool and calm. But Mikey could tell that beneath his collected exterior, Leo was panicking.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Leo said, a little too gingerly. Leo was used to comforting Mikey after his nightmares when they were young, but, now that they were older, Leo no longer knew the words to make his brother feel better.

Mikey stared at Leo. He felt like there was a huge blank expanse between them, like a black sky with no stars. Mikey desperately wanted to reach out and close the divide, but Leo would never understand how Mikey felt. Leo was a fearless leader. He always knew what to do, and people took him seriously when it counted. Meanwhile, Mikey felt that he was the last person anyone would trust in an intense situation.

Leo furrowed his brow in concern at Mikey's silence. "Talk to me, Mikey. Was it the thing that Raph said this morning? We didn't mean to hurt your feelings by not eating the breakfast you made for us."

Mikey shifted his eyes to the floor. "Uh…it is and isn't about what Raph said this morning," he said finally. "I just…I don't know. I just feel like everyone has their thing, you know? Like you're the leader, and Donatello is the smart one. Raph is super good at fighting and Master Splinter has taught us everything we know. But no one really needs me. And I always screw up our fights, too." Mikey's mouth felt dry now that he had said what he had been feeling for months out loud. Surprised that it came out that fast. But he had wanted to say it, needed to say it.

Leo's bright blue eyes widened in surprise. "Mikey, we do need you." He put a comforting hand on Mikey's shoulder. "And your thing is being Mikey. The team wouldn't be the same without you. And sure, you've messed up our fights sometimes, but you've saved us more times than I can remember," he looked down and continued gravely, "We are all equally valuable in this family."

Mikey refused to look at Leo. Leo's words were comforting, but for some reason, Mikey's throat felt like it was filling with clay. It was only when his vision blurred that he noticed he was crying. The crying quickly evolved into full-on sobbing. It felt like a torrential storm, punctured only by the choked sounds of his shaky breaths.

"Oh god, oh god. Mikey…"

Before Mikey knew it, his head was buried in Leo's chest, and his body was wrapped tightly in strong green arms. Leo rubbed Mikey's head, which he usually only did when Mikey was seriously injured. Mikey should have felt closer to Leo, but he felt the black, starless expanse between them getting wider and wider.

Mikey pulled away, wiping his eyes. "You just wouldn't understand."

Leo's eyes flashed with hurt, but he quickly replaced it with his signature practiced calmness. "Wouldn't understand what?"

"You're the person that everyone needs. You're our leader. If you were gone, nothing would ever be the same. You don't understand being worthless. You don't understand what it's like to be the kind of person that could disappear forever, and no one would ever miss. That's my life, dude," Mikey said, his voice strained from all the crying.

Mikey looked at Leo. And he was surprised to see that the pantomimed calm patience that usually occupied Leo's eyes be replaced by an intense, gripping fear.

"You're not worthless, Mikey. You mean so much to all of us," Leo said. "I love you, little brother" he continued. Mikey could tell that wasn't all that was on his mind.

Leo paused a long time before finally speaking again.

"Mikey…you haven't ever thought of hurting yourself, have you?" Leo's voice was shaky and deeply sad. Even though Mikey had been crying, for some reason Leo sounded sadder than he was.

"No," Mikey answered quickly and with certainty. Truthfully, he had never even considered it, at least, not in any real way.

"Promise?"

"Promise." Mikey gave him a slight smile.

Leo pulled him into a second embrace, squeezing Mikey even harder than he did last time. This time, Mikey didn't pull away. He just stayed there, leaning against Leo's neck, feeling a million times lighter than before. The black expanse between the two brothers had vanished, and he felt closer to Leo than he ever did.

"Mikey…" Leo started, and then paused. Mikey could tell by the strained choke of his words that Leo had started crying.

"Mikey," Leo began again, "If anything ever happened to you, I would miss you for the rest of my life."

[keeper-not-hero]

MY THREE HUMANS AND MY THREE TROLLS ARE FINALLY DONE BEING THOUGHT ABOUT AND ARE NOW PLACED INTO THE WORLD FOR YOU TO ENJOY READING ABOUT, Massive post under read more!!!

[Obs: These ain’t kids. They’re all in their early 20’s tho.]

Gatolt Osbizb (name means nothing. = Muse of Doom.) - 

Looks: Hair that goes down to her shoulders, curly and surprisingly well groomed. Skin (and body) made up of tiny chunks stitched together. Fingers, hands, legs, slightly different shades of grey, with seams colored with the multitude of different blood types beneath. Blank eyes, shirt and pants. Simplistic dress code.

Personality: A hodgepodge of Troll flesh, bones, and a few cybernetic enhancements all stitched together into a singular being. Goldblood, purple blood, violet, and more. Both of her eyes are blank (though she can still see thanks to cyberoptics), and she is usually in at least a mild amount of pain due to the strain of her body barely being able to keep itself together. Despite all that, she tries to act cheery and tries to be the life of her friend circle, though not always with success. And besides, she rarely tries to mingle outside of it, feeling unwelcome in other circles.

Constantly requires maintenance which she usually does herself, and… fresh replacements. Her creator fucked up in making her, which means she is now slowly yet constantly rotting away, to the point every part of her body except the brain and enhancements are different than her first resurrection.  Her girlfriend, Bakhus, usually helps with gathering ‘replacements’. She feels like a burden due to her condition that sometimes leaves her bedridden for days, which makes her stay quiet and sometimes even enable her friends’ bad habits, because she doesn’t want to be a drag. Hates the fact her whole life revolves around her condition. Likes gardening and clockwork.

Bakhus Gredui (Greedy Bacchus / Dionysius. = Thief of Void)  - 

Looks: Hair that goes all the way to the floor and a few feet behind her, greasy, messy, and dragging food bits in it. Tank top with her sign (Sign of the Brazen) on it, suspenders and oversized clown pants. Juggalo make-up messy and somewhat faded, droopy yellow eyes, usually with a hunched stance. Very, very tall, and extremely strong - with some healthy weight to her body to go along with it.

Personality: A purple-blood that represses her kind and motherly urges under liters and liters of Faygo. A chef at heart and a great cook from years of experience, she constantly throws barbecues and small carnivals on her massive garden, which attracts lowblood and highblood alike. Her festivities have become small gathering spots for those who wish to mingle with the upper / lower classes despite their own status, and for spies of both the Condescension and those who oppose her. Bakhus is, of course, too busy grilling to mind that she has accidentally created the perfect neutral spot.

Despite her cooking prowess, the Faygo inhibits both her ability to feel much empathy or care about the taste of her food. Deliciously cooked and prepared meals placed near overly-sugary, soggy, Faygo-drenched pretzels. She carries a massive cookbook alongside her massive pot, which has recipes that certain blood types enjoy, and… recipes made out of said blood types. She has no qualms cooking violets and reds, and sometimes will go so far as to grab Faygo-drunk trolls in her cookout and take them inside to ‘rest’. They’re never seen again.

Also keeps a small spice garden. Gatolt usually takes care of it, with whatever isn’t used to cook as fertilizer. Occasionally, she sends the butchered corpses to Marciu. Who also happens to be Gatolt’s creator.

Marciu Shelli (Like, y’know. Mary Shelley. Frankenstein’s author. = Seer of Space)  - 

Looks: Short hair, think Eridan, but with no streak. Scrawny to a fault, and clearly underfed. Big scientist glasses with special prescription lenses, white lab robes that hide his starving figure and his left hand gloved with thick, hazmat-suit-like protection. The right one is a prosthetic, indigo tubes and wires trying to replicate the sensation of the original with… some success. Pointy nose, sharp teef.

Personality: Anxious, skittery and, quite frankly pitiful even for an indigo blood, Marciu spends most of his days either robbing graves for corpses or putting his ill-gotten gains to use in his laboratory. Deeply resentful of feelings he has about himself, he buries them deep within him and, to make sure no one can say he is valid or try to empathize with his pain, keeps pushing himself further and further down the hole until he pushes everyone away. Having lost a hand to a nasty accident involving a bone saw and a few too many of Bakhus’ spiked snacks, he also has a mechanical replacement.

A master of biomechanical engineering, he constantly creates half-troll, half-machine abominations to help him around the lab. Rotten servants just barely able to move their joints with hollow eyes and faces, mechanical hearts pumping blood and fuel throughout the system. Still, despite his best attempts at being as repugnant as possible, his friends still cling to him.

Except Gatolt. Gatolt has actively tried to kill him multiple times, being stopped only by Bakhus’ eternal kindness to the weirdo that occasionally gives her “aged” ingredients. Also, his human friends.

[Why does he have human friends? Idk, Pesterchum + machines or AU where humans and trolls live in the same world after a few Sburb/Sgrub/Swhatever versions playing out after homestuck and Lord English being gone.]

Bert Kairos (Albert Einstein and his whole relativity stuff + Kairos, a greek concept of time. = Mage of Time.)  - 

Looks: Very short and very curly hair. Dark skin, both legs missing, though one has a very unpolished, simplistic metal prosthetic to help him stand in one foot. Right arm missing too, half of a prosthetic attached to it,cut off at the elbow from an accident. Hasn’t bothered replacing it yet. Blouse with a robot symbol and shorts, chin stubble. Brown eyes.

Personality: A gentle soul who makes more time for everyone else than he ever did to himself. Spending literal days away from his parents’ home, staying in his makeshift workshop creating toys for the kids on his street and to help the people of his community. Lost both legs and an arm from accidents with heavy machinery and cars that he work repairing to make a living, usually for meager scraps out of the kindness of his own heart and the belief that it’s all part of a greater plan that he barely gets enough to survive, relying on crutches and Marciu’s prosthetics that often break because of even more accidents due to his very precarious working conditions.

He dreams of one day being able to inspire people, though. A big, endless machine of silly, simple delights. Not curing the world, not controlling the weather, a machine with the same utility as a painting. A machine that could cover the entire world in its width and length, proof that humanity can do anything if it just bands together. A wish that sometimes consumes his mind as he spends hours on end, instead of sleeping, building small moving pieces that will hopefully one day help fill this whole. This magnificent machine he will make to help mankind flourish through its artistic value, that they will sing his name in praise for generations, that mankind will be uplifted until we don’t need work, money, barriers, differences, just a homogenous mass streaking across the cosmos with machine brilliance. 

But, he has way too many people to take care of, so he never dabbles on it too much.

Andy Eissuh ( :) - Lord of Life) - 

Looks: Blonde hair tied in a manbun. Bushy stubble beard all over his face. Smuggest fucking grin you’ve ever seen. Blue eyes. Average height, an air of superiority that is as annoying as it is believable due to how he carries himself; like an untouchable douchebag. White tuxedo and business pants, y’know, like a doctor. Right? He’s even got the white cross! Yeah, sure, that sounds right. Like he cares about proper dress code for doctors.

Personality: A very, very, very bad doctor. A very bad doctor that has just enough good reputation and far too much money from their family to let their pretty much 100% patient loss rate slip without anyone being able to pry into it. Patient comes in, body bag goes out, and nothing ever leaves the hospital. The one time he actually saved someone was by accident, and it was a botched (and misdiagnosed by him) liver transplant where he accidentally removed the appendix instead of said liver, forgot to replace it, and the patient recovered in a short while with the help of the nurses from what he later learned was appendicitis.

Believing himself to be able to do no wrong, with a chirpy, colorful yet aggressively passive personality, he keeps his friend group around mostly to dispose of the bodies without many questions asked, and so he can feel better than the pathetic wretches he considers them. Completely blind to his irredeemably cruel medical malpractices, which he didn’t even study for, he simply bought his way into a degree because he “could feel it was my destiny.” Soft, sweet, and completely unhinged. Finding great joy preying upon the insecurities and naivete of his peers, which he feels is a breeding ground to use and abuse them for his own needs. Shoulda been smarter if you didn’t wanna get taken advantage of, duh!

Cain Pyrite (Cain the first sinner + Fool’s Gold. = Rogue of Light. ) -

Looks: Hair slightly above his shoulders, dark and greasy. Sickly pale skin, beeg librarian glasses. A nice fuzzy coat, plus shirt, plus jeans. Eye symbol on his coat. Looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in weeks, which, yeah, is absolutely right. Gentle smile, though it occasionally cracks into a nervous attempt at hiding… something!

Personality: Dedicated to… no, OBSESSED with preserving occult and ancient knowledge. Scrolls from ancient alchemists, bones of kings, relics thought long since lost hidden on the back of his seemingly normal book shop. Spending most of his days with no clients, he occasionally gets someone who is aware of his darker inclinations. He is always happy to trade knowledge for knowledge and artifact for artifact.

Only, not always the originals. No. Never the originals. 

Always finding a way to spin a story and make sure that he can spot out any fakes, he builds his collection of convincing lies, and hidden truths. Friends with the others since grave-digging always inherits some fun and interesting things, and his appetite for the esoteric and forgotten is only comparable for his taste in interesting and unique foods.

[theobsessor1]

Drunken Noodle

Summary: Deceit should know better, going through with another one of Remus’s ideas. He thought it would have been a one time deal, just something for them that night to experiment with his more reptilian side. But he’s starting to regret it with the growing nest of eggs, and horrible uncertainty of feelings swirling in his chest...he might be in some trouble here.

Pairings: mild intrulogical, qpp demus, hinting at Lociet

Warnings: drinking, alcohol. hinting at slight alcoholic problem.

Word count: 3087

previous chapters ch.1, ch.2, (read on ao3)

(wish to support me buy me a coffee :3)

Chapter 3 of “Say Something” series

Deceit huffs, sitting partially slouched over the dinning table as he sips from his wine glass, munching on gummy rats that Remus had summoned him to help brighten his sour mood. Said creative side was currently sitting across from him going on about something or another.

Deceit wasn’t paying attention, just enough to mindlessly nod when needed, letting the side jabber and get his energy out while the snake side sulked. Hmm...maybe he should pay Remy and Emile a visit. He hadn’t gone to see them since...well, it’s been awhile. 

It took him a moment to realize that Remus had stopped talking, The Duke had turned to stare at the stairs of the subconscious that led up to the mindscape...Standing at the bottom of them was Logan, he was just there! Casually looking around the room where he stood. It’s quite a surprising site to see, no wonder it drove Remus speechless. Well besides the fact that he’s obviously rather fond of the other side. After a moment, Deceit clears his throat. “Can we not help you?” 

“Actually, yes. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Logan straightens his tie and clears his throat, brushing off the fact he hadn’t realized the two sides were at the table. “Oh?” 

“Well more specifically, the events that occurred during our discussion with Thomas earlier today. I wanted to apologise on the behalf of the other. They were rather dismissive of you, despite you bringing up some rather valid points. I..” Logan coughs. “You can say I understand to a degree the feeling of being brushed over, so to speak, and that I inf act do not condone such behavior especially to someone who is actually contributing and trying to help.” 

Deceit has to take a moment to collect his thoughts and form proper words through the fuzzy haze of alcohol... This almost seems like some joke. “...Thank you for the apology, though it’s rather unnecessary. You're not the one that needs to apologise, if you want me to be honest you deserve an apology more than me” he points at Logan with an unimpressed lift of his brow. 

The spectacled side sighs “Regardless, I bring the apology and regret that I had not attempted to get them to listen to you.” “It’s whatever. I appreciate it I guess.” Deceit mumbles, waving a hand concedingly and taking another sip of wine clearly not very concerned with this conversation. 

“I could tear out their tongues for you!” Remus offers, way too excited at the idea. Logan frowns shaking his head “That’s...very thoughtful of you Remus, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” 

“It would be more fun to shove them down the stairs, like a couple of really annoying slinkies” Deceit adds mumbling into his drink Remus snickers nodding while Logan shakes his head “I appreciate your offer and suggestions, but that’s still a no. We want them to listen, not get them hurt.” 

Deceit stands from the table swaying almost like a snake influenced by a snake charmer. “Well, that is much easier said than done. They’re bound to get hurt before they start listening to anyone.” He picks up his glass intent to make his way to the couch “You’ve said your apology, you don’t have to stick around any longer.” Logan raises a finger, opening his mouth to speak only to close it as he squints at the snake side as Remus gets up coming behind Deceit and scooping him up into his arms, spawning tentacles from his back to help properly support the side in his arms. Using one of said tentacles to slip the wine glass away from the snake sides reach. “Is he drunk?” 

Deceit hisses, attempting to wiggle from Remus’s grasp and snatch his drink back “I’m not drunk...yet...I think.” 

“...Do you intend to get drunk?” The logical side crosses his arms, frowning at them. Deceit shrinks down on himself guiltily 

“...Maybe…” 

Logan’s frown deepens as he shakes his head “I’m getting you a glass of water, have either of you eaten anything?”

Remus carries a definitely not pouting Deceit over to the couch where Logan had pointed for them to sit as the snake side replies “I’ve only eaten a few gummies so far.” 

“I ate ass!” The duke enthusiastically answers plopping onto the couch and still holding the grumpy snake side protectively in his arms and tentacles.

“He means a peach.” 

Logan huffs heading into the kitchen, making himself at home as he goes about sifting through the cabinets and fridge “I’m going to make the two of you something proper to eat, do either of you have any dietary restrictions?” 

Remus nods with a bounce, he knows the answer to that! “DeeDee doesn’t like mushy stuff ‘n I don’t like citrus.” Logan nods, filing that information away for later. He has managed to find a box of noodles and some tomato sauce, spaghetti is easy to make and hopefully satisfying to the two sides. It grows quiet for a while save for the sounds of Logan cooking, filling a pot with water and setting on the stove to boil with the noodles. 

Remus plays with Deceit’s hair keeping himself occupied as they await the meal. Something must be up, why else would the logical side have decided to suddenly care to apologize to him, to care if he was drunk or for that matter make them food?? Wasn’t he the one that usually would argue that they didn’t need it?

Deceit can’t help but squint suspiciously at the side, “You’re totally not planning something?” he hisses flicking his tongue out with his words. 

“Well, I”m planning to feed you some spaghetti and try to get you to drink some water to help keep you hydrated from your consumption of alcohol.” The snake side huffs knowing that was the logical side's so called plan. But he wants to know the real one! He opens his mouth to say as much but Logan continues “Maybe re-discuss points from earlier conversation with the others and Thomas since, well, neither of us got to share our opinions on the matter...If that is what you are asking?” 

Deceit sits up, turning around on the couch and propping himself up on his elbows to look at the logical side, eyes narrowed. That can’t possibly be all. There’s gotta be something else here, he’s sure of it. 

Remus finishes the braid he’s been working on, wiggling happily at his work before starting another. “I could think of some tasty things to do instead off boring ol’ talk!~” 

The snake side sighs “Remu-” “Oh! I tried that mushroom thing from Hannible! You gotta come check out the corpses with me!” 

“Re-” “The roots really did spread through the whole body! I got one of them to be oozing-” 

Deceit huffed snapping his fingers to focus the creative side’s attention, the duke’s mouth clicking shut and heading whipping around to find the sudden source of noise.

“I know you want to talk to him about all those wild ideas of yours dear, but do you think you can wait till after I interrogate him?” 

“Oh! Yeah, I’ll wait!” Remus nods his head like a bobble head, stilling as he goes back to focusing on playing with Deceit’s hair, a third braid in the making...he might be attempting to stick an eyeball in it...or a tooth. 

Logan adjusts his glasses as his brows furrowed in confusion, the glasses fogged slightly from the steam of the cooking pasta “Interrogate me? What for?” 

“Well see Logan, you never come down to this part of Thomas’s mind. Nor really have you ever shown an interest in our care, save for Remus of course when he’s visiting you but that's just a given.” he makes an offhanded gesture to Remus “So tell me, what is your true motive for all this.” 

Logan pauses in his task of stirring the pasta sauce “My motive?” 

“Yes your motive, I may be intoxicated but I can still tell when something is suspiciousss.” 

Logan tilts his head at the snake side, beginning to absentmindedly stir the pot again. “Have I been acting suspicious. I do suppose a divergence from usual patterns would make something seem suspicious and put you on edge.” he thinks aloud. 

He shakes his head, turning the heat off the stove and mixing the sauce into the noodles. “I have no secret motive, no ulterior plan, I am merely tired of the treatment and order of things...of course that’s now paired with the fact that I am concerned about your alcohol consumption.” 

Deceit rolled his eyes “Well the whole treatment and order is going to be harder to change than just coming over for a visit…” he moves from Remus’s grasp to lean over the back of the couch “And my so called alcohol consump-consumption is fine! I didn’t have a lick of it for a couple of weeks!” Of course that was because he wasn't about to drink such stuff while he was preg- for reasons, wasn’t drinking it for specific reasons he will not ever talk about...yes.

...for a pink and yellow, brown speckled reason currently in his bedroom hidden with the other one. 

Logan hummed, not convinced as he made plates, putting the finished spaghetti on dishes before carrying them to the table “Either way, you two are eating and then getting to bed. No shenanigans or schemes, whatever it is you two do when left alone down here.” 

Deceit can’t help but pout at that, he doesn't have plans for the night but still, he doesn't want to be told what to do and be put to bed like some child thank you very much. 

Remus finishes with the sides hair and scoops him into his arms again. “I can walk myself!” 

“I know” :D

Stuck being carried it seems, the snake side just sighs, there’s no use fighting Remus, they’re both touch starved as is and the dukes pentiant for just snatching and carrying people around is a constant. 

He gets gently deposited into his usual place setting at the head of the table, Remus sitting by his side and eagerly digging into the food...he does notably try at an attempt to be polite and use a fork as he stuffs his face tonight. 

Deceit sulks conjuring himself a wine glass by his bowl, eyes widening when Logan snatches it away and puts a glass of water down. “Excuse me?” 

“No more wine tonight. Water” 

Remus giggles at his expression, the snake side not used to someone trying to boss him around like this. 

He can’t help lifting a challenging eyebrow at the logical side “No wine?” Deceit waves his hand over the glass of water turning it into a glass of whiskey on the rocks “Fine.” 

Logan raises an eyebrow back, clearly unimpressed and frowning. He gives a huff taking the glass, poofing it out of existence and putting a glass of water down once again. 

Deceit flicks his wrist changing the water to vodka, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he watches Logan. The logical side huffs “enough” he snaps turning the drink back into water “you will drink the water, eat and then we can assist you to your room for re-” “No!” 

Logan sputters to a stop startled by Deceit’s sudden shout and looking to the snake side with bewilderment.

Deceit blinks before flushing lightly as he looks down at his place sheepishly, he hadn’t even realized he had stood, now seating himself back down. “Apologies...I um I would just prefer not to be in my room tonight.” he pokes at his plate with his fork hoping Logan wont see through his lie

“R-right.” Logan clears his throat, adjusting his tie in that lil tick of his “Well, then um we can make you comfortable on the couch then? Will that suffice?” 

Deceit quickly nods “yes, the couch will be fine.” 

The dinner seems to be rather dull after that, Remus and Logan going back to discussing what Remus had done in the imagination inspired off of the Hannibal episodes they have watched together. Janus watches them chatter fondly, the two animatedly talking and gesturing back and forth...It’s nice seeing the two enjoy themselves like this. Especially Logan, it’s not often you get to see the logical side light up like this. 

With a small hum he stands with his empty bowl taking it over to the sink without a word, not wanting to interrupt. 

He tries to walk past the table without being noticed, if he can sneak past he may be able to make an escape to the imagination and to his two favorite traits. Of course things never go as planned, why would they. Remus immediately perks up and the creaking of his chair is the only warning Janus gets before the creative side pounces, pinning him to the ground.

Janus sighs with a groan “Really? Remus why-” they both pause with confusion and looking to the dining table, hearing a small giggle and a snort. 

Logan was watching them, a hand covering his mouth to stifle the sound of a laugh, eyes full of amusement and fondness...they made the logical side laugh?!

Remus's eyes sparkle surprised that he got Logan to genuinely laugh! He beams excitedly at the logical side “You laughed!” 

Logan blinks, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he quickly lowers his hands “I-I um think you misheard.” 

Remus shakes his head quickly scooping up Janus and holding him out to Logan like one holds a feral cat away from themselves “No! I heard it! J-eh Dee-Dee did too!” 

Janus gives Logan a disgruntled look but nods, not appreciating how he’s being held “I did here it too. You do realize you can’t exactly lie to me right?” he flicks out his tongue at Logan as if to emphasize he can sense them. 

Logan sighs fiddling with his tie “Remus I don’t think it’s good for you to hold Janus like that. Why don’t you get him to the couch and I can get him some pillows and blankets from his room.” he suggests quickly in an attempt to change the subject. 

Remus nods, eyes still sparkling as he pulls Janus closer, of course it's a bit of an issue when the snake side is wriggling and squirming as if trying to escape. “No! Don’t you dare go into my room!” 

Remus takes a hurried step back conjuring his tentacles again to try and keep a hold of the snake side who's baring his fangs at Logan and hissing angrily. 

Logan flinches, face scrunching with confusion as he quickly puts his hands up “I apologize, I didn’t mean to over step! I won’t go into your room if it makes you uncomfortable.” 

Janus calms, going still in Remus’s arms looking a bit disgruntled as he gives one last soft hiss at Logan. 

Logan huffs and Remus turns around so Janus can’t look at Logan anymore “Welp I think Logan had the right idea, someone had too many silly drinks, bed time!” 

Janus whines “I did not have too many, and I'm not tired. Put me down.” 

Remus shakes his head dropping Janus right onto the couch “Nope, it's bedtime! I’m putting you to bed and ain’t nothing you doing about it.” Janus makes more unhappy noises before squeaking at the sudden weight of Remus flopping on top of him. 

“You're not even going to let me get comfortable?” 

“Nope” >:3

Janus huffs glaring at the ceiling of the living room resigned. 

Logan smiles making his way over “Maybe it would be best to let him get comfortable, I don’t think I’ll be able to sit with you otherwise.” he pauses “That is of course if it's alright if I stay?” 

Janus sighs as Remus quickly scoots off him “Might as well, you’ve made yourself at home thus far.” he sits up to move to the side so that Remus and Logan can probably cuddle, only to stiffen up when he’s suddenly squished between the two sides. 

Remus wiggles some before snapping his fingers and changing them all into comfortable t shirts and pajama shorts before wrapping Janus up in a blanket “You gotta wrap Dee up in a blanket so he can burrow and stay warm, otherwise you get a grumpy snek who can’t sleep.” 

Janus sputters glaring at Remus from his cozy blanket burrito“Don’t give away my weaknesses!” 

Remus ignores him, smiling at Logan “and squish him! He sleeps best when squished” 

Janus hisses as Remus leans on him more, and makes an offended noise when he is shushed by the creative side. And again when Logan leans on him next. He’s definitely squished between the two sides now. 

No escape! Damn it!

Remus snickers resting his chin on top of Janus’s head as Janus yawns, his forked tongue curling. Janus huffs giving a weak shove at the creative side. 

Logan watches fondly “You two seem...rather close? But I suppose that’s a given with the two of you living together down here for so long?” 

Remus nods “Something like that, and well-” he shrugs unsure what the right words would be “ I don’t know, I’m wild and feral and got no boundaries, and Dee’s the exact opposite, balance each other, I guess.” 

Logan nods, watching amusedly as Janus’s eyes grow heavy. 

“You would think that we would hate each other but we kinda just found our own system of things together that works for us…” Virgil used to be part of that too, but well...guess yeah win some you lose some or...whatever that saying is.

Logan hums resting his head near Remus’s “and...you don’t suppose...that I could possibly join this system? I um” Logan clears his throat looking away nervously “I um mean more so if its alright I keep visiting for the most part. You always visit me an-” “yes” 

Logan pauses looking to Remus 

“Yes, you can come visit, it’s not like we can stop you” Remus smirks at him “think of yourself as an honorary member here, i'll make ya a badge and everything.” 

Logan smiles before they both blink and look down, hearing soft sleeping noises coming from Janus, a lil bit of his tongue sticking out as he sleeps. 

Remus snickers at that, getting himself more comfy. "Heheh… sleeping snek…"

[monchikyun]

XIX. never let me go

Connor would love nothing more than to just initiate stasis and enjoy the current moment, the same way Gavin does. Seemingly at peace, the man clings to his body like the android is his favourite teddy-bear. His heart-rate is steady, breathing is even. No nightmares are raging behind those closed eyes, and Connor can’t help but feel a bit jealous. Not of Gavin, specifically, but people in general. People who have the ability to sleep and let themselves be carried to a world of their mind’s own creation. Sure, it might not always be a pleasant experience, but no matter what one’s brain decides to show its owner, they still have the ability to escape the reality of their waking life. Connor’s version of a shut-eye is nothing like the one in which humans get to lose themselves. When he enters his so-called sleep-mode, everything just… stops existing to him. It’s more like a small, temporary death. He can’t believe that several months ago he wished to never leave that state, to be allowed to interrupt himself from living, permanently. 

Not just then, though. It’s not like he didn’t hold his gun close to his then active LED only days before the start of December. It’s not like he still doesn’t fantasise about the sweet embrace of the eternal void at times when there's nothing or no one to distract him. 

Like now. Although he technically has a company right next to him, accumulating their mutual heat, he senses he’s missing out on something important. Due to Connor being a machine, there are many things they won’t be able to do together, and he thinks that it’s fine, that he doesn’t have to try and force himself to adapt his being to that of his partner’s. Gavin wouldn’t most likely appreciate it if Connor went ahead and got himself some of the new updates that have been designed to make android appear more organic anyway. 

He quite likes his own body, likes that he doesn’t have to waste money that he doesn’t have on food and other necessities he can function without.  

Gavin shifts, though almost imperceivably, still, he strokes the side of his face, relishing in the warm tickling of his breath against his bare neck. As he’s now, all safe and almost tranquil, all he can contemplate about is their possible future. His own demise hasn’t even crossed his mind. It hasn’t done so in a while, maybe not since their first proper hug. Having a close, nurturing relationship is one of the healthiest things one can do for themselves, he is well aware of this fact, but that doesn’t mean that all his previous doubts are suddenly gone. 

They haven’t even talked about what they wanted to call each other. To Connor, the title of a best friend is more than enough. He doesn’t need anything else. Maybe he’d like it, but it’s far from being a priority. Things are near perfect as they are. As long as they’re together… a condition which presents the biggest issue. The ugly truth that he’s been trying to hide from. 

His entire mental stability depends on the presence of one person. He realises that’s wrong and probably dangerous, still, he doesn’t care. Why shouldn’t he rely on someone for happiness, isn’t that what humans have done since the beginning of their time on Earth? Seek out company and with that, reassurance?  

Connor is no different. He just needs someone to stay close, and the right person just happens to be his irritable partner. 

He wants to say that he’s certain that Gavin won’t ever let him go, but how can he be, really. Anything can happen. The man can die tomorrow and then what would Connor do. Look for another company like a dog that has lost its master? No, he thinks himself pathetic enough that he would just give up on everything, including any and all socialisation. The pathway towards leaving this bane of existence would be wide open to him, and he would be more than willing to step on it. It has been terrifying enough seeing the possible funereal of his soulmate and now he’s back on a similar track of thoughts. He should be used to it by now, to his inner unrest and all the gunk that comes with it, but he still can’t keep calm, not even a semblance of it. He lets himself spiral down to the horror-infested basement of his mind too easily, and getting himself out is all but simple.  

Luckily, there is help available right beside him, currently beginning to stir lightly in his arms. Maybe he could make it into a valid excuse for waking him up. 

“Gavin.” He starts with a quiet whisper, not enough to disturb even the lightest of sleepers. 

The man mumbles something that has little to do with any words known to men and takes a breath through his nose, a sign that his first attempt might have been successful after all.

“Are you still asleep?” Connor dares to increase the volume of his voice, hoping to make his awakening as pleasant as could be, while not appearing to be the selfish one who would interrupt his well-needed rest just because he feels a bit sad. Or scared. Panicked, perhaps. He can’t really tell, emotions are not really his area of expertise. He just knows that he can’t focus on anything but the turmoil of bleak images overwhelming his entire self. There are tears forming in his eyes, his first natural response to everything that reminds him of the finality of death. He really is weak, isn’t he. A weak little robot not coming to terms with the concept that is the circle of life. 

“You tryin’ to suffocate me?” comes a small, breathless question, bringing him back to the grungy motel room that has become their safe haven for these past several days. 

He can’t relate the words to anything that’s presently happening, at least not for a couple of seconds. Then he notices that he has been clutching Gavin to his own body using too much strength without a conscious choice to do so. He immediately releases the struggling man, giving him a needed space to catch his breath. The loss of direct contact makes him almost shiver with something unidentifiable, like there’s ice forming on those places that were being warmed by human touch. His eyes are darting everywhere but his friend, hands gripping the sheets like he needs to hold onto something lest he floats away. The unspoken apology stuck in his throat, stubbornly refusing to get out of there.

It's not the first time he goes through something like this, though there is usually no one around to witness this inconvenient state of mind. He isn’t sure what to call this, not sure if it really matters.

 Right now, he's just immensely grateful that there is someone with him. He loathes having to deal with it on his own. 

"What's wrong?" the man in question asks, careful gentleness embedded in his voice. He places his palm on Connor's shoulder ever so tentatively, like the android has suddenly lost his integral structure. If he has, he'd need every bit of support to rebuild it back. A small touch like that is not nearly enough. But he takes what he can get. 

"More visions?" 

"I… I don't know. Just… I think telling you about the accident broke something in me. I can't… I can't stop picturing all the worst scenarios and… it hurts. I keep preconstructing both mine and your death and it’s making me go crazy." 

Gavin puts his arm around his shoulders before he finishes talking. He immediately leans into the contact, being glad that for once he is able to abstain from crying. 

"Maybe you weren't ready to-" 

"No, no I'm glad I told you. It's not that." 

He assumes time has little to do with his current situation. It's been almost a year and the pain still drowns him. Not always, but as soon as he's about to forget, something grabs his leg and pulls him deep under. 

He gathers his courage and pulls Gavin into yet another embrace. He really must have been touch-starved, only now getting his supply of what would be the android equivalent of oxytocin. 

"I'm sorry to say this but I came to the conclusion that…" he pauses to second guess his confession, only to decide that revealing this part of himself would only be advantageous to his healing process in the long run. 

"I need you."

 It surprises him how easily those words have come out. How it doesn't make Gavin's body flinch in the slightest. 

"I realise that it's not right nor fair, but-" 

"Shhhh," he places his hand on Connor's mouth, like that would stop him from vocalising his sentiments. Still, it takes him off guard and he obliges, "Shut up, Con." 

This time it's Gavin who does the squeezing. 

"I get it, I get it."  His reassurance strokes his soul and drapes it in budding calmness. 

“I’m never letting you go, I promise.” He isn’t sure what exactly Gavin means by that, but it still turns the unsightly pain inside of him into something less so. Something he would dare call beautiful.

“Hell, you’re only a one-year-old, of course you need someone to look after you.” That manages to elicit a chuckle out of him, which in turns makes Gavin place a sweet kiss on his cheek. 

Connor thought that he’s given the man all the love that he has before he finds out that feelings aren’t a constant. 

Love always changes, always shifts around. In his case, it’s growing like a garden blessed by spring’s good weather. He’s one of the lucky ones, ones who are able to keep its light-source near. 

It’s hard not to smile now when he finally understands. And why wouldn't he, really, when the world sits within his arms.

-----

it seems this fic is 50% two broken idiots in bed thinking, occasionally talking, and when we’re lucky, snuggling

[the-last-cuddlebender]

So you just refuse canon and bumi and Kya were lying or were just dumb not to realize what was really happening and perfect dad aang didn’t favor tenzin so much and he wasn’t the special one who got all the trips and time with him and was the favorite and every air nation person didn’t revere him and his mother didn’t adore the baby of the family who gave her grandkids and youre right I had to look it up but pema was o n l y 16 years younger and a man doesn’t leave a long term partner to hook up right away with a girl if there wasn’t something going on before even if maybe they didn’t get close to f#cking or maybe it was the worshiping from her that he liked and it was enough even if he really didn’t have anything going on with her but for you tenzin is this perfect victim who never done anything wrong like aang and who only suffered by everyone else being mean and wasn’t loved enough for your liking but this is your hc and to be fair you can have any you want. Bumi was the oldest and he was a non bender that must have been crushing but he kept being a good person and loving his family. Kya was the middle child who was gay and who probably was a bit confused and a bit lost and still was the most caring person ever to anyone and was always willing to help and who even went to stay with her elderly mother. tenzin was the miracle child who got all his parents attention, an island and grow up to expect to be special and a leader who was rigid on his teaching and rules and was also sort of a shitty teacher who also treated a girlfriend/oldest friend like crap not because of the break up but how he did it. That’s all tenzin not just poor baby defenseless never done anything wrong tenzin but if that’s what you want I’m glad he isn’t as loved as you think he should be because with the bits we got his siblings are much more interesting and even better people

(I assume you’re referring to this post about a previous ask, and I’m happy to discuss)

Hi, anon! There’s considerably more for me to unpack here, so bear with me. I’ll try to keep my response contained to a few points:

some child (< age 12) psychology

Katara and Hakoda’s relationship

some pretty dang neat-o history facts that explain more than you think (because my diploma has to be worth something lmao)

(I’m trying to be concise, so if I sound short, please know that’s not my intention. I just wanna save this from becoming a novel. I also just burnt myself with NaNoWriMo, so it may kindof ramble idk)

To start, I don’t refuse the “canon” of the Kataang family, so take that as you will. I gave my argument completely within the lines of TLOK canon because I figured that was what you were after. And I can make an argument for something while not arguing against the opposition. A good argument should be able to validate itself. I never went after Bumi or Kya, and I never would. I love their characters to bits. I was focusing on Tenzin.

Nowhere in my previous post did I say that Tenzin is a ‘perfect victim’ who never did anything wrong. I’m discussing the reasons why I think his character should be explored and appreciated more. He is an extremely complex character just like the rest of the cast. To box him in as “the favored one” is narrow-sighted at best. He’s human. There’s more to him. He didn’t ask for his lot, but he makes of himself what he can with it, just like Bumi and Kya. He by no means had a cozy time (and he has the stress-lines to show it).  

You say that Tenzin was “expect to be special and a leader.” That alone makes me want to know more about him and how he grew up with that weight on his shoulders. That kind of expectation can destroy a person. It’s very a-la the pressures of the first-born in a monarchy crumbling under the stresses of learning to rule. Tbh, I think that’s why Tenzin was written as the youngest, so that the cliché wouldn’t be as obvious.

I have NEVER said that Bumi and Kya were lying or were dumb. I was discussing kid-Tenzin and how/why kid-Bumi and kid-Kya perceived favoritism (all while remaining within the lines of TLOK canon, too). Perception isn’t a bad thing. It’s just someone’s interpretation of the world. Idk if you think there’s a negative connotation to the word, but there’s not. Person A can look at the sky and see the moon and Person B can look at the sky and see a void that makes them feel small and insignificant. It’s just a difference of perception. Just because they’re different doesn’t make one or the other inherently wrong. Different truths are more than capable of co-existing.

FIRSTLY, about Aang passing:

Kya wasn’t the only one to help Katara after Aang passed. Aang left a void in MANY ways, both as a family man and the Avatar. Bumi, being in the military, guarded the world in his stead. Tenzin took up the mantle in the City and on the island. Kya took on the emotional safety-net.

Katara was Aang’s best friend, partner, and second-in-command. She was just as renowned as him. I can imagine the world expecting her to shoulder his burdens in the wake of his passing. She was the Mighty Katara, after all.

ALL of her kids helped her through his passing, in their own way. Being a shoulder to cry on is just one facet, and all three kids helped her beautifully.

Some psychology:

I’ll explain why I think Bumi and Kya perceived favoritism (which every kid does, myself included. It’s natural and somewhat instinctive for siblings) as best as I can. I’m not a psych major by any means, but I can lay down what I know and remember from my classes.

I’m not saying favoritism doesn’t exist in families. I’m talking about family dynamics in situations where favoritism is subjective because it objectively isn’t there. (Others might define favoritism differently, I suppose. But these are my thoughts)

Children (again, I’m talking <12 here) perceive the world differently than adults. They have incredible imaginations and a pretty tame survival instinct. Give a kid one of those mind-bender jigsaw puzzles, and they’ll have a higher chance of success solving it because their minds haven’t grown enough to be constrained by reality. They’re mad geniuses who haven’t been developed enough to be closed off from the possibilities. That’s what makes childhood so precious. 

That’s why even Gyatso wanted to wait until Aang was older to learn he was the Avatar. You have to let the mind grow and fall and dust itself off before you fence it in. This doesn’t discredit or underestimate kids, either. They are extremely capable. I’m just talking about their lesser known psychology.

“Developed” is also a word that doesn’t have negative connotation here. I’m speaking clinically. Some cognitive and executive brain functions aren’t developed until 25. It doesn’t devalue ability or understanding. It’s just a word.

Kids internalize things differently than adults, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Perceived favoritism among siblings (in situations where there objectively isn’t favoritism, of course) is a classic example. Kids need only be a few years apart for this to be seen. If a two-year-old gets a younger sibling, they can regress to breastfeeding because of the perceived favoritism they see being given to the youngest. Mom isn’t going to let the other kid starve, but the kid doesn’t know that. 

This isn’t just in infants, though. And as it can be seen with the Kataang kids (they were all kids when Tenzin went on the trips with Aang, and kid-Tenzin is my focus here): Bumi and Kya don’t ‘know’ that Aang is saving time for them, too, when he isn’t there. All they see is Dad gone with Tenzin and leaving them behind. And by ‘know’, I don’t mean to insult their intelligence. They comprehend why, but their instincts don’t. Siblings have a lot of strange instincts, not just Cain Instinct. Object permanence is critical until critical and abstract thinking are properly developed. Before then, it’s a “I believe what I can see” mindset (in the simplest terms...I don’t wanna wax eloquent about the nuances of it rn. I can see people taking this as me discrediting kids, but I’m not. I’m just trying to explain the Point B missing between Points A and C presented in the show).

Katara:

Children don’t start developing abstract thinking until about age 12. It’s part of their cognitive development. That’s when they start developing critical thinking (and scientific method and etc.) and the understanding of relationships between verbal and nonverbal ideas. Before then, seeing dad take their youngest sibling on field trips would 100% feel unfair, no matter how the situation would be explained to them. They literally can’t understand it.

***Katara: If you want an example, look no further than when Katara confronts Hakoda in The Awakening. Katara knew Hakoda had to go when he did (2 years before the show, by the way, making her 12). She really, really does understand, even when she’s older. But it still hurts, and she doesn’t know why. That’s because the damage has been done. She perceived his leaving differently when she was younger and it internalized differently as a result. She feels a little abandoned even though she knows Hakoda didn’t and why he had to go. Its affects don’t go away, though (as seen in the invasion). 

I never said that Kya’s and Bumi’s feelings would go away or were untrue to begin with. It was real to them, and that’s all that matters, just like Katara’s feelings being real to her is all that matters. Hakoda understands that. Aang would, too.

Is that Aang’s fault? It depends on what your definition of a good dad is and whether or not you give him room to make mistakes. Personally, I think he’s a great dad to all three of his children, even in the canon of TLOK. He just isn’t given a proper analysis in the show. 

Time spent together does not equal time spent loved. Otherwise, school teachers would be more of a parent(s) to a kid than their actual parents.

The acolytes:

The acolytes of The Southern Air Temple being all “Avatar Aang had more kids?” and completely side-lining Kya and Bumi is not in any way a testament of Aang’s or Katara’s characters. That’s the acolytes’ characters. Aang and Katara have no control over what the acolytes do/do not want to believe or think, no matter how many times they would have corrected them. They fangirl over the airbenders in the scene you’re referring to. Even the fangirls in the comics completely side-lined Katara as Aang’s “first girlfriend.” Their behavior in TLOK never surprised me.

Teacher!Tenzin:

Tenzin being a poor teacher was a good thing. It meant he could grow with his equally-poor student so they would become something better together, as mentor and pupil. I found that idea for growth to be pretty darn cool.

Devaluing the opposition:

“The bits that we got his siblings are much more interesting and even better people” objectively, sure, I could agree, but if I met an interesting and awesome person for a short window of time, I wouldn’t believe they were interesting and awesome 100% of the time. Bits of a person do not define their character. Every person has a capacity for just as much good as evil—it’s a variable that stretches equally in either direction.

*********************************************************************

History-fun-time with the-last-cuddlebender woohoooooo

(a.k.a. I’ll address my thoughts on the “Tenzin being given the temple” and Tenzin-Pema situations, as you’ve presented them, as delicately and concisely as I can)

Importance of different generations:

If we go on the theory that TLOK mirrors more than just the industrial shifts of the real-world at the turn of the 20th c., then the age difference between Tenzin and Pema isn’t abnormal. (It wouldn’t be abnormal until even the early 1990s.) I have to use some anecdote to explain this, so bear with me:

Their age gap is strange to us because we’re used to things progressing so quickly. History as it’ll be written about the generations from the mid-90s onward will be very, very tricky. Generations now-a-days aren’t as easily defined because of the colossal leaps in technology from the past twenty or so years. 

Loosely, a generation is a group of people defined by relatively the same “changes” that happened in their lifetime (or whose effects affected their early development). There have been way too many changes in technology (which we know has a much stronger effect on a person’s early development now than ever before) in recent decades for that formula to hold up anymore, otherwise there would be a new generation every 4 years. 

An age gap like Tenzin’s and Pema’s feels so much stranger to us because our generations are so tightly layered. 4 years could mean a world’s difference when, back then (and I explain what I mean by “back then” further down), it didn’t change much on the dating scene. Life was more or less the same as they both grew up. It was far slower to change. And everyone in TLOK was growing up in the void of post-war for several decades. The technology jump didn’t (arguably) happen until just before Asami (if still holding up the comparison to modern day), so an age gap even in-universe wouldn’t be abnormal at the time they were dating.

(Even my parents got married at almost the exact same ages as Tenzin and Pema, the only difference being that my mom was 26 not 25. Most people I know are in the same boat. It’s just a generational disconnect)

Kya, Bumi, and Katara weren’t kicked out so Tenzin could be “given” the island (needs time period explanation):

I know TLOK says it got its inspiration from the 1920′s (the inspirations are there), but, if I were to date it, I would say that it’s moreso set in the mid 40′s-ish. (Kuvira ESPECIALLY reminds me of a not-as-known-as-they-should-be person from that time).

Among others, the size of the radios and Tenzin/Pema sleeping in one bed are some easy hints to me about TLOK being set in the mid-40s (if we’re using New York City as the template for Republic City). 

Even in the time of FDR’s earliest Fireside Chats, the radios were monsters that had to be kept in the corner of the living room. Towards the mid-40′s, commercial radios were becoming compact, and the radios in TLOK are pretty darn small. 

The Cathedral Radio used in TLOK wasn’t created in mass in the real world until 1933, and people didn’t have the means or money to replace their massive radios with smaller ones until (arguably) after the New Deal (1933-1939). Thus, I say the 40s.

Tenzin/Pema sleeping in the same bed also supports this time period because it wasn’t uncommon for couples to sleep in separate beds leading up into the “I Love Lucy” era of the 50s (the separate beds were for too many reasons to talk about here because they were a fad--for even medical reasons--for about a century). 

^^^setting the time period is needed to prove why I think Kya and Bumi left of their own volition, why they would do it, and why it was actually quite normal

Kya and Bumi weren’t kicked out of the temple. In real life, it was a trend up until the mid-40s for families to stay in the familial home, some even long after marriage. After that, however, multiple factors encouraged the want and fostered the need for young adults to leave their home as soon as 18. Kya and Bumi would be influenced just the same given the parallels with the time period.

Not all families did. The big (mostly industrial) cities were the first to do this. TLOK mirrors this with Bolin and Mako’s family staying together. 

Republic City, like New York City, was years ahead of these kinds of changes, so they started the one-bed shift and kids leaving the home just before the 50s. (This isn’t to disregard the cultural influences bellying the four nations. I know that familial homes are a characteristic common to Asian cultures since the US is more oft to sending elderly into nursing homes and such--and I’m having a blast learning about Asian culture since my specialty in college was medicine in Europe and the West--, but, here, I’m working on the assumption that the world in TLOK is migrating towards a Republic City standard, and the comics seemed to be hinting at that from as soon as just after the war, not to mention in TLOK.)

Again, kids leaving the home at the age of 18 is a very new thing that’s pretty specific to the US (in the time the trend first started) because of the new opportunities that were so suddenly afforded to younger people post-war. These opportunities were in all areas of life, not just economic (economic arguably being the least contributing factor imo), but that’s a historical essay for another time. 

My point is, kids leaving the familial home began as a choice in a post-war (100-year war, in TLOK’s case) world that encouraged them to do so.

Bumi and Kya were not kicked out so Tenzin could be “given” Air Temple Island. Bumi joined the military, and Kya traveled the world. They CHOSE to leave because there was opportunity to do so (that hadn’t been there for 100 years). They wanted to find their own destinies (and be the nomads they were born as...I always found it to be a great irony that Tenzin, being the poster-child to carry the legacy of the Air Nomads, never really got the chance to be a nomad. It’s sad, really, and potentially another reason why Aang took him on one-on-one trips since he knew Tenzin would be stuck with his legacy?).

Katara (again): As for Katara leaving the island, I believe that, among other reasons, Katara left Republic City because the light pollution made it difficult to see the stars she had grown up with. In real life, the Milky Way used to be visible to the naked eye everywhere in the world, and I think that change would be reflected in TLOK by default. Katara would probably find comfort in something as consistent as the stars and the Aurora lights in her old age. Plus, the city was probably too loud for her, and snow muffles sound pretty darn well.

TO BE CLEAR: This is not a justification. This is an explanation. I’m taking no “side”, here, because I’m not invalidating the opposition to validate my own. These are just my thoughts for how I see Point A becoming Point C in a way that keeps in line with TLOK canon.

*********************************************************************

Final thoughts:

You and I “perceive” Tenzin and his family differently, anon, and that’s okay. That’s just our interpretations of the show. I’m not calling for Bumi and Kya to be torn down so Tenzin can be uplifted. I’m talking about Tenzin (kid-Tenzin) in particular. His character is his character, and his value shouldn’t have to proven by devaluing Kya and Bumi. Likewise, Kya’s and Bumi’s value shouldn’t have to be proven by devaluing Tenzin. Just because they’re “more interesting” than Tenzin doesn’t make them interesting people (meaning that line of logic is flawed. i.e. lesser evil isn’t good because it’s lesser; it’s still evil. They should be interesting if the comparison is taken away, and they absolutely are and for their own reasons). Their characters should able to stand in an isolated argument, and they absolutely do, make no mistake. I love them to pieces, and nothing I’ve said about Bumi and Kya has made them inferior. I love them to death and have written more about them than Tenzin. It wasn’t until I started thinking about Tenzin that I realized his potential.

Tenzin, Kya, and Bumi were never “given” anything, and I doubt they would ever want it to be. They all had it rough, and they all deserve love. Bumi fought for a name in the military. Kya carved out her place in the world. Tenzin dug in his roots and planted the seeds for a garden he thought he wouldn’t be alive to see grow.

Me believing Tenzin should be appreciated more does not mean I believe Kya and Bumi should be appreciated less.

...just like Aang giving Tenzin one-on-one attention does not mean he didn’t give Kya and Bumi one-on-one attention, too:)

.

.

.

Again, this isn’t an attack on any character, person, or fandom! I’m not a psych expert, either, and I apologize if it sounds like I’m delegitimizing kids and their experiences. I’m trying to do the opposite. I can go more into detail about Kya and Bumi, but this post is a novel already and I'm too burnt out to add more.

I’m just trying to give Tenzin as much love as Kya and Bumi🥰 I love all the cloud babies equally (as I should😤), and I wanted to toss out my two cents for discussion because I don’t see the cloud babies being loved equally in fandom (kindof ironic)

If there is some hidden childhood!tenzin content please hmu I beg🥺

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho

[avengerscompound]

Catch and Release - 5

Catch and Release: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  3289

Rating:  E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo​ - Steve's Apartment

Warnings:  Smut (MMF, oral and vaginal sex, overstimulation)

Synopsis: When you overexert yourself on a mission with Steve and Bucky, the boys admit to having fantasies that involve you.  Fantasies that you share.  But with one Super Soldier needs intimacy and the other is still dealing with being touch starved, exploring those desires without anyone catching feelings is a little tricky.

Chapter 5: Lying in Wait

You knocked on the door to the apartment that Steve and Bucky shared.  They'd asked you around for dinner, which meant dinner and experimenting with their sexuality, and you were more than a little excited.  The dice game had gone over really well and for a couple of days after they would each come and tell you about what parts they liked the most.  You knew that they’d want to take it further and try more things.  Especially given Steve hadn’t technically gone ‘all the way’ with you.

You were very excited too.  This whole thing had not at all been what you’d expected.  The whole idea of a down and dirty three-way that was all about sex and just getting that release at the hands of the two super soldiers was definitely one that you’d visited alone a lot of times.  Somehow this was even better.  Steve and Bucky were such good friends, and this arrangement you’d come to was both exciting and safe all at once.  They might be finding out more about themselves, but this was your opportunity to find out more about yourself too.

Steve answered and greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.  It was funny really, you’d seen him on and off all day, but that was Cap.  Steve was a whole different person in a lot of ways and so even though you’d only seen him half an hour ago, this was the first time you were seeing him all day.  “Come in,” he said as he held the door open for you.

“I bought wine.”  You said holding up the bottle of merlot you’d ‘stolen’ from Tony’s cellar. 

“Trying to get us drunk are you?”  He asked taking it from you.

You chuckled and followed through the apartment to the table.  Their place was a weird mix of old and new.  There was a blue velvet wingback couch sitting next to a black leather recliner that had speakers in the headrest.  An old cabinet style record player sat next to a large flat-screen TV and had a PS4 sitting on top of it.  A set of nesting tables sat in front of the couch and each one was littered with art supplies and Steve’s shield was propped up against the couch.

The walls were decorated with artwork of vintage motorcycles and photos of family and friends.  One entire wall was boxed shelving, and each shell was full of books and vinyls.  There was no clear theme to any of it.  A boxed set of Harry Potter novels sat next to books on military tactics.  The Wizard of Oz series was there in its entirety but each volume was sitting on a different shelf.  The Wizard of Oz was next to a book on guided meditation.  Ozma of Oz was beside some vintage Captain America comic books.

Bucky was in the kitchen cooking.  He had his hair pulled back and a floral apron on.  The kitchen itself was quite modern and clean compared to the living room.  The benchtops were black granite and the fittings were all brushed chrome.  Bucky smiled when he saw you and came over and kissed your cheek.  “Everything is nearly ready.”  He said.

“It smells so good,” you said.  “And you look amazing.”

He pinched your hip and went back to his cooking.  “Steve, did you put your shit away?”

“Yes,” Steve lied, going straight to the coffee tables and bundling up the art supplies.

“That means your shield too,” Bucky said.

“It’s away,” Steve said.  He shoved the drawings and pencils into one of the gaps on the bookshelf before grabbing his shield and shoving it into the hall cupboard.

You chuckled and took down some wine glasses.  “It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, I will never get over the fact that he’s the messy one.”

“He’s always been the messy one,” Bucky said.  “Drives me crazy.”

“Can I help at all?”  You asked as you poured out three glasses.

“There’s a salad in the fridge.  You think you can take it out to the table?”

The table was already partially set.  The plates and silverware were out, as was a loaf of crusty bread.  You took the salad out and by the time you were sitting with Steve and taking your first sip from your wine glass Bucky was bringing out a serving platter piled high with risotto.

“So,” you said, as you all started filling your plates.  “What shall we do tonight?”

“Oh, uh…”  Steve said, almost dropping his fork.  “We thought dinner and if you wanted we could watch a movie…”

“Really?  That’s what you want to do?”  You teased.

“He’s being polite because he doesn’t want you to feel pressured to do anything,” Bucky said.

“Oh, I know.”  You said playfully, putting your hand on Steve’s.

“I just want to make sure you know that your friendship is important to me too,” Steve said, giving your hand a squeeze.  “I don’t want to put the sex above that.”

Bucky smiled and leaned over the table and kissed him.  Not that you could blame him.  You could practically feel your heart swell up.  When Bucky sat back in his chair, Steve looked a little love-struck himself.

“Then we should hang out as friends sometime,” you said as everyone started eating.  “Like we used to.  But I am wearing really expensive lingerie and I’d really like to show you it.”

“And I would definitely like to see it,” Bucky said.

“We were talking about just…”  Steve stopped mid-sentence and froze like he had forgotten the word he was looking for.  “You know… normal.”

You and Bucky looked at each other and bit back laughter.  “Ah yes, normal threesome style, Stevie.  Just the way everyone who has threesomes does it.”

Steve looked at Bucky deadpan.  “You know what I mean.”

“Well, yeah.  I do ‘cause we talked about it before.”  Bucky teased.  “What he means is because part of this is him getting to do some things he hasn’t done before, we’d like to focus on you and it just be…”

“... vanilla guy on girl sex.”  You finished.

“That’s the one,” Bucky said tapping his forehead.

“Gonna run the train,” you said and took a sip of your wine.  “Nice.”

“Is that okay?”  Steve asked.

“More than.”  You said.  “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything,” Steve answered.

“And just to be clear here, I’m talking to Cap.  Not Steve.”  You added.

“Oh,” Steve said, his posture stiffening.  “What is it?” 

“No,” Bucky groaned.  “Don’t invoke the Captain in here.”

“Just for a second.  I promise.”  You said.  “What happens if the others find out about what we’re doing?”

Steve’s jaw tensed and twitched at the corners as he thought.  “I don’t think we should go around bragging about it,” he said.  “But this is our personal business  We aren’t breaking any rules.  If the find out, they find out.”

“Besides, if Tasha doesn’t already suspect, then I don’t think that’s Natasha and we better find out where the real Natasha is,” Bucky added.

You laughed and nodded.  “True.  You know if Tony finds out he’s going to give you hell for it.”

“What’s new?”  Steve said with a small shrug.  “Besides, like he can talk.”

“Also valid.”  You said.  “Alright.  I just wanted to make sure.  I agree.  I don’t want to go telling … well anyone, but like Bucky said, Nat figures this shit out, and I don’t want to be lying to our friends.”

Steve reached over and rubbed your arm.  “I would never ask you to do that.  You aren’t our dirty little secret.  You’re our friend.” 

“God, Steve.  Saying all the right things tonight.  I’m gonna fuck your brains out.”  You said.

“And I’ve got second,” Bucky added, reaching over and taking Steve’s hand.

The three of you finished up dinner and cleaned up together.  Steve had been right.  The three of you needed to nurture the friendship too.  This was how this started after all.

When the kitchen was practically sparkling Steve came up behind Bucky and wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his neck.  Bucky closed his eyes and hummed softly.  He held out his hand to you and you took it and let him pull you into his arms.

His eyes opened and he blinked slowly, as he gazed down at you.  “Ready, darlin’?”

You smiled up at him as Steve’s arm snaked around you and he pressed his large hand to the middle of your back.  “As I’ll ever be.”

Bucky leaned in and ghosted his lips over yours.  You reached up and tangled your hands in his hair and pulled him into a hungry kiss.  Steve kissed and nipped at Bucky’s throat as the two of you kissed and pulled you a little tighter against Bucky.  You could feel Bucky start to harden against you and you pulled back with a quiet gasp.

“Bedroom?”  He asked.

“Bedroom.”  You agreed and Bucky put an arm around each of you and the three of you made your way down to the bedroom.

The room was painted sage, with gray trim.  The floor to ceiling windows on the far side looked out over the East River and beyond that, Brooklyn.  There were more shelves against one wall, though they mostly held little knick-knacks.  Things like a signed baseball, a Build-a-Bear dressed as Captain America, and model spaceships - the kind you built yourself.  Next to it was an antique drafting table with more art supplies and sketches littering it.  There were framed prints on the one bare wall above the bed, each one held different black and white photographs of the New York skyline over the years.

The bed was a king and had been made.  A crocheted quilt in dark red and white lay folded in half at the foot over the gunmetal quilt.  The bedside table on the left was clean and neat with a digital alarm clock, a dock for a Stark phone a worn copy of Dune.  There was also a basket with condoms and lube, the same as you had set up when they’d come to your place.  You wondered if he’d decided to steal the idea from you.  You couldn’t imagine that they were still using protection like that with each other.  The bedside table on the right was a mess of water bottles, notebooks, dog eared novels, colognes, and random scraps of paper.

You looked around as you unzipped your dress.  Bucky and Steve began to undress too.  “I’ve never seen your room before.”

“So many firsts tonight,” Bucky said playfully.

“Your bed is big enough to fit us three and Thor too.” You said dropping your dress and revealing the black lace push up bra and thong you were wearing.

The two men looked you over like hungry wolves.  “Two super soldiers not enough for you,” Bucky teased, stalking over to you and hooking his arm around your waist.  “You gotta include a god too?”

“Hey, I’ve been single for ages.  Let me have my fantasies.”  You joked, as he pulled you to him and lifted you, carrying you to the bed and dropping you on the mattress.

You lay back and arched your back as both Steve and Bucky crawled up with you.  Both had taken their shirts and shoes off, but while Steve was down to his boxers, Bucky was still in his jeans.  “You’re giving us ours, if you want to share yours with us, we’ll see what we can do.”  Steve rumbled as he kissed your neck and collarbone.  His hand ran down between your breasts and over your stomach, making your skin break out in goosebumps.

Bucky kissed the other side of your neck and tangled his hand in your hair.  “Threesomes are the most common fantasy you know?”  You half moaned.  “And they’re more common to have the older you get.”

“How do you know this stuff?”  Steve asked as he moved his hand to your cunt and he slowly began to palm it.

You moaned pushing up against his hand.  “It was in a documentary.  You guys are over a hundred.  So bringing Thor in would be good for you.”

Steve snorted while Bucky broke down laughing.  “We’ll keep that in mind, dork.”  Bucky teased and kissed you.

As you kissed, Steve kissed lower.  He paused at your breasts and sucked and bit at your nipples through your bra.  You reached behind you and unhooked it Steve slid it down and pulled your nipple into his mouth.  Bucky joined him at your other breast and they both sucked and bit your breasts as Steve’s hand slipped into your panties and he started to finger your clit.  You moaned and squeezed your legs around his hand as you writhed under them.

Steve moved down lower, pushing your legs apart and pulling your panties down.  He nuzzled at your cunt and flattened his tongue running it up your folds.  You put your feet on his shoulders and pushed your hips up into his mouth.  Bucky’s hand caressed your throat as he continued to suck and bite at your beasts.

The sounds you made got louder and louder as Steve became more and more focused.  You could tell he hadn’t done this before, but the way he moved was almost like watching him in the field.  He’d stop and cock his head to the side while his tongue flicked over your clit or his fingers moved inside of you, when you moaned just the way he wanted, he’d focus on what he’d just done.

As they brought your apart with just their hands and mouths, they kept touching each other too.  Stroking each other’s backs or legs.  While you moaned and bucked, your orgasm right there on the brink, they held hands.

Steve corkscrewed his wrist and sucked hard on your clit and you came, arching hard up off the mattress and crying out.  “Fuck, yes!”

Steve sat up, a proud little smile on his glistening lips.  Bucky got up on his knees and kissed him hungrily.  You wrapped your legs around Steve and began to grind against his erection as you unfastened Bucky’s jeans.  Bucky pushed Steve’s boxers down and began to stroke his cock and Steve groaned into Bucky’s lips, his cock jumping in Bucky’s hand and leaking precum onto your pussy as you rubbed against him.

Bucky broke the kiss and began to nuzzle at Steve’s neck.  “You gonna fuck her, Stevie?” He whispered.

Steve groaned and grabbed your thighs.  “Yeah, Buck.  I want to.”

“She’s so wet and warm, Steve,” Bucky whispered as he grabbed a condom.  “You’re gonna really like it.”

Steve closed his eyes and caressed his fingers over your stomach and cunt.  You reached up and cradled his jaw as Bucky rolled the condom down over his shaft.  Steve looked down at you, his blue eyes blown out with lust.  With a snap of his hips, he sunk deep into you.

You both gasped and you arched back as he lifted your hips up to him.  Bucky kissed Steve again before leaning down and sucking on your breasts against.  His metal fingers went to your clit and rubbed it as Steve started to slowly rut his hips against you, each thrust accompanied by a roll, so it felt like he was touching every part of you.

You felt like a live wire.  All your nerves were raw and stimulated as they made you the center of attention.  Steve fucked you slow and deep, filling you completely.  You gripped his wrists and rolled your hips with him.  Pleasure swirled through, starting in your breasts and cunt and meeting in your core.  It pressed down on you and radiated out until it was all you knew and all you wanted to know.  Your core clenched and you came hard, bucking up under them.

Steve was far from close though.  He picked up his pace, fucking you harder and a little more erratically.  Bucky began to massage the base of his cock and balls while his thumb rubbed your clit.  He switched from one breast to the next, keeping you right on the edge as Steve fucked you.

Steve’s eyes stayed locked with yours and his jaw tensed.  You jerked up suddenly as another orgasm tore through you, and with a hard snap of his hips, he came.

Bucky sat back as you relaxed down panting and Steve slipped from within you.  “How’re you doing there, darlin’?”  He asked as he ran his hands up Steve’s chest.

Steve kissed Bucky’s neck and got up, removing his condom and tossing it out.  “Really good, Buck,” you hummed.  “You gonna fuck me?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Bucky replied, grabbing one of the condoms and sheathing himself.  You sat up and stretched a little and Bucky sat opposite you.  You climbed into his lap and lowered yourself down onto his cock.   As you began to bounce on his cock Steve moved up behind you and sat with his legs on either side of you and Bucky.  He kissed your neck and ran his hands over the two of you.  Caressing skin.  Pinching nipples.  He rubbed your clit and massaged Bucky’s base.

You and Bucky kissed as you moved as one.  Your lips moved from lips to neck and back again and the sounds of your moans combined with each other’s and filled the room.

Sweat began to bead your skin as heat flowed through your veins, burning you up from the inside out.  Steve hardened against your back as you moved.  You began to feel fuzzy and high.  Steve’s fingers worked your clit as you bounced faster and faster.  It wasn’t long before you came again, and Bucky broke the kiss with a strained groan, gritting his teeth as he tried not to be dragged along with you.  It was no use though, his hips jerked and he came just after you.

You stayed joined, slowly rolling your hips as his cock emptied.  Steve ghosted his lips up the side of your neck and nipped at your earlobe.  “You up for more?”  He said in a soft growl.

“Mmm… I could go again.”  You hummed.

Three and a half hours the three of you spent switching from one to the other, the only break you got was to rehydrate.  By the time you called defeat you wondered if you were ever going to learn your lesson about trying to keep up with the two super soldiers.

You lay panting on the mattress as Bucky and Steve both lay back, the sweat running down their chests in rivulets.  You cunt ached and your legs felt weak. You had a vague feeling like you should get up and pee.  Get dressed.  Go home.  You didn’t think you’d even be able to get up.  You could barely even think straight.  It was all soft-focused.

You struggled up too sitting and blinked around the room.

“What are you doing, sweetheart?”  Steve asked, putting his hand on your hip.

“Gotta go home,” you mumbled.

“You’re exhausted.  Just stay.”  Steve reassured you.

“Yeah, darlin’, you liked cuddling with us when we were camping,” Bucky added.

“If I sleepover, then they’ll know.”  You tried to reason.

Steve sat up and kissed your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist.  “So they know.  We’re adults, we can do what we want.  Now lie down, you’re exhausted.”

You let yourself collapse back down, unable to think of one possible argument.  They both wrapped you in their arms and you were asleep before the blanket was even pulled over you.

// NEXT