#he made the entire chapter so entertaining by how impulsive but badass he is

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

he carried the entire g/s chapter so hard im so proud of him

please say hi to my guy who probably can't sit still for a moment

[sendnotes]

books i read in april.

this is going to be my thing from now on. i'll compile a list of all the books i read in a month and share my thoughts on each one every end of the month.

just so you know, i'm a little forgetful, and i have a tendency to forget names, plots, and other details. i'm hoping that writing these will aid my memory in recalling how i felt about each novel.

you can also find me on goodreads

so, let’s begin, shall we?

101 essays that will change the way you think (wiest, brianna)

self-help book

this book got off to a good start! some of the essays written (or should i say a collection of articles originally published on the thoughtcatalog website) made me think and consider my outlook on life, love, and so on.

the title overstates the case though. when i think of an essay, i picture something more argumentative and philosophical. not to mention that the majority of the ideas in this book are redundant. it made it difficult to get through. nonetheless, i was able to get past it because there were so many fantastic concepts and topics discussed.

overall, it's an interesting & worthwhile read for those who enjoy thinking outside the box.i lost count of how many times this book gave me aha moments. i swear, most of the entries soothed my mind and provided a great pick-me-up when life seemed to be frustrating.

the midnight library (haig, matt)

science fiction, fantasy fiction, psychological fiction

regrets, self-remorse, what ifs, family approval, drugs, dreams, love, passion, hatred, death, afterlife, multiverses, quantum physics, and a plethora of possibilities packed into a 304-page book.

i'll be honest: this book is already on my list of favorites. i'm simply blown away by how well-crafted and diverse the entire story unfolded.

a sci-fi novel with a dash of fantasy and a smidgeon of philosophy. if that's your thing, you should give this book a shot.

the first few pages of the book gave me an impression and led me to surmise it was going to be a cheesy ass chick lit novel that i'd only read and find enjoyable in high school. i was completely off base. it proved to be very mature, full of lessons, but delivered in a fun and entertaining manner— exactly my cup of tea.

it reminded me of a disney pixar film called soul, in which the afterlife is depicted in vivid detail. they differ on so many levels, but they both imagine life after death for people who are unsure of their path, purpose, and passion.

every chapter served a significant concept, so this book is well-deserved of a 5-star rating!

norwegian wood (murakami, haruki)

fiction, romance novel, bildungsroman

as i read the book and neared the end, all i could think about was how this book became one of murakami's most popular and influential works.

murakami offers a sprawling glimpse into the lives of a group of severely damaged youths grappling with the realities of what emptiness entails. take what you will from it.

i know a lot of people like it, which is fine. but please keep in mind that this book hit me square in the gut. it alternated between making me angry, sad, annoyed, and disgusted almost constantly. there isn't much else.

this book should come with a warning: "this is not a good place to start if you're new to murakami's works. this is not a representative of murakami's brilliance."

fist and foremost, the characters in this book are all repulsive.

toru watanabe was a fuckboy and a softboy rolled into one. what could possibly be worse than that? he'd have as many casual sexual partners as he could while also buttering a girl up by appealing to her emotions and displaying a "sensitive" and "vulnerable" side.

this book was made even more depressing by the fact that each female character was needy, weak, dysfunctional, and dependent. since they're all the same, i'm not going to go over each of these female characters one by one. you already get the idea.

reiko ishida, imo, was one of the best rendered sections of the novel. most likely because she had a better grasp on her emotions and goals than the still seeking youths... until, *spoiler alert* she wanted to do it with toru as well. a big disappointment.

to summarize, this book is primarily concerned with two topics: sex and death.

hidden meanings are everywhere, but when you get to the core, that's all that remains.

the four agreements: a practical guide to personal freedom (ruiz, miguel)

self-help book

first agreement ⏤ be impeccable with your word

this essentially means that you should not spew gossip or use words to harm others. because words have tremendous power and can cause significant harm. you are not only negatively affecting others with your hateful and thoughtless words, but you are also hurting yourself. this is something with which i generally agree. how i see it, when people are unhappy with themselves, they turn to others to make themselves feel better. as a result, they gossip about others in order to divert attention away from themselves.

second agreement ⏤don't take anything personally

alright. sure. don't let what others say about you bother you. it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. well, i don't entirely agree, but i think it's a fantastic idea in general. however, achieving this goal will be extremely difficult. i believe it would take a lot of practice to reach this level of zen. plus, i honestly believe that other people's opinions still matter because they keep you in check. the best advice is to not be swayed by these opinions, but to consider why they were expressed in the first place. see what you can do to improve yourself from there. sure, it can be difficult to deal with; after all, no one likes being told they're wrong or whatnot. but it's not all bad news because you can sometimes use criticism and judgment to give you a competitive edge. i mean- don't you think hearing someone else's point of view is also an opportunity to learn and progress? ruiz should have stressed that it's not just about "not taking it personally because you know you're not that person," but also about not retaliating with an extreme knee-jerk reaction even if you believe you're being unfairly criticized.

third agreement ⏤ don't make assumptions

this is a real eye-opener for me. i've noticed that whenever i become enraged by someone's words, it's usually due to my tendency to assume. personally, i can't help but make assumptions. i don't know what other people's motivations are, and i can't help but draw conclusions based on the information i have. even if the other person had no intention of causing me harm, it's too late. the thought has become ingrained in my mind, and i never ask for clarification out of pride or fear of appearing overly sensitive.

fourth agreement ⏤ always do your best

this section did not seem particularly useful to me. i mean, aren't we all reminded of this all the time? this section is filled with sloppy writing, in my opinion. as if he badly wanted to finish the book and impulsively thought: "okay, fourth agreement: always do your best. that should suffice. lmao"

overall opinion: the third agreement was my favorite, but the rest were a no-go. don't get me wrong, i appreciated his ideas, but i've heard them all a hundred times before. basically, the book's sole takeaway is that we are all suffering in some way in our daily lives, and we are all dealing with different issues. regardless, we all need to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others.

the song of achilles (miller, madeline)

romance novel, historical Fiction, war story

i'll keep it short and sweet:

i really wouldn't have had this book any other way. miller's writing is breathtaking, so rich and full of lovely detail. it's incredibly a unique concept to me that authors are rewriting such ancient history and stories to make them lgbt+!

some suggest it's tedious, but i disagree. it isn't slow; rather, it is just right.

'cause at the end of the day, it's not about war, tragedy, or heroes - it's a slow-burning, organic love tale between two young men and their inevitable connection.

it's sad, tender, and painful, but in the best way possible.

circe (miller, madeline)

novel, historical fiction, fantasy fiction

"greek mythology, but with a feminist twist"?! sign me the hell up! this piqued my interest... only to leave me feeling completely let down. seriously now. circe was described as a "badass empowered woman," which was the single most compelling selling point for me, and thus the most wrenching disappointment, i must say.

sure, it demonstrated the value of feminine power, but it also did represent how this power can be a force of good or evil.

not to mention the fact that circe fucked a married man or two in this book- i mean- how is that an ~empowered woman~?

let's be clear right off the bat: madeline miller's follow-up to the song of achilles is epic in scope but not necessarily in execution. to me, this read more like a tedious island tale. regardless of how many five-star reviews this book has received... i just don't think it's well-deserved. don't get me wrong here. miller is a fantastic author with a lush writing! istg- i'm blown away by how beautifully she wrote and carefully chose her words. even the most mundane phrases were written poetically. after-all, it’s greek mythology. but how did she manage to make circe seem so... bland?

[mayquita]

Kiss Me Even If You Hate Me (2/?)

I’d like to apologize in the first place to Kers, @chloeswans since this was Secret Santa gift and until now she had only got the first part. Originally, this fic was only going to have three chapters, but, it seems that it won’t be like that anymore ... Considering how slow I’m writing maybe when this story reaches the Christmas part, we will be actually celebrating Christmas... Anyway, I hope you like it.

Summary: Killian’s faithful companion, his cat Roger, has a special inclination for sneaking into his neighbor’s apartment. The problem? She is allergic to cats. And she hates him. But what will happen when Killian offers her to be part of a crazy plan?

Ao3 / FFnet Chapter 1

This is unbeta’s so all the many mistakes are mine. @saraswans Thank you as always, for believing in me and my writing and pushing me to continue doing it.

Killian saw Emma again the very next day, when he returned home from work. Trusting that their tentative approach from the previous day would have served to smooth things over between them, he dared to joke with her, using the term girlfriend to address her. The glare Emma directed at him had the immediate effect of erasing from his lips the grin that had accompanied his words, sending them back to the starting point. Or even further.

Luckily for him, Killian barely saw Emma in the next few days, so he almost managed to forget about their crazy plan and continue with his normal life, only the tiniest vestige of their kiss lingering on his lips. That memory only came to haunt him at night, in the solitude of his bedroom, while his mind recreated the moment and his brain created wild fantasies from the damn kiss. The fact that he was aware that she was probably lying in bed on the other side of the wall did not help keep his unbridled imagination at bay.

Their brief interactions had been limited to some small gesture of the head in acknowledgment or greeting and the exchange of a couple of words, maintaining a civil behavior, enough to not feed his fantasies.

Little he would have imagined that their relationship was about to take a new turn, and that, once again, his brother, or rather his entire family, would be the ones to blame. Killian should have known better. He should have suspected that the brief interrogation of his brother when he found out that Killian had a (fake) girlfriend would be just the prelude to the barrage he was subjected to the next time he saw his family.

He barely had time to enter the door of his brother's flat for their traditional Sunday lunch, when he was cornered by his sister-in-law Elsa and her sister Anna who didn't hesitate to let him know, maybe too enthusiastically, how they felt after hearing the news. "We're so happy for you", "Tell us everything!", "How could you keep the secret for so long?" Elsa was more moderate, but Anna's continuous stream of words caused him to feel an incipient headache coming on.

He tried to keep his composure, responding in monosyllables or with just a movement of his head, while suppressing the impulse to get out and lock himself in his apartment. He forced himself to remember the reason he was carrying out the bloody plan. It would always be preferable to see his family happy and excited, with wide smiles and a glimmer of anticipation — or maybe hope— in their eyes, instead of the scrutiny to which he was subjected at times, the melancholy smiles and the looks of concern at best, or charged with compassion at worst.

Even so, he couldn't stop a thought from wandering in his head, a reminder that those smiles of joy for him would have an expiration date, that this farce would end sooner or later and that he was a bastard and a coward for lying to his family in something so important instead of facing his demons once and for all.

Just as a wave of guilt approached, threatening to overwhelm him, he peered at his niece Olivia, and, showing off his cowardice, he slipped away and sought refuge in his niece and the rest of the children, trusting to distract his mind for a while by entertaining the children and allowing himself to be absorbed by their incessant energy and their contagious laughter.

Luck continued to accompany him during lunchtime as his family's interest in his love life was forgotten, adults too busy trying to make sure their children ingested the food instead of using it as throwing weapons in the pitched battle that the little rascals had organized around the table.

These meals were always a bit wild, several conversations interspersed among adults, children screaming or fighting with their siblings or cousins — Anna and her husband Kristoff also had two small boys —spilled glasses, food dropped on the floor... Maybe the majority of single adults in their thirties would try to evade being part of this kind of messy events, but there was something appealing in the midst of such craziness, and it was the feeling of belonging, of being part of something that had been denied to all of them for a long time. He was able now to enjoy the warmth of a family and get carried away by the desire to live so contagious that the children gave off, getting his mood always improve even though he ended the evening with a headache caused by such irrepressible and noisy energy.

What Killian hadn't counted on was that calm came always after the storm. Once they finished lunch, the younger children went for a nap while his niece Olivia and Josh, the eldest son of Anna and Kristoff were entertained with a movie, which left the adults a quiet moment to chat peacefully. Just what Killian didn't need at all.

He didn't even have time to take a sip of his coffee when the inquiry began. Killian had no choice but to arm himself with patience and rely on his ability to improvise, while cursing inwardly for not having prepared some answers in advance. What the hell was he thinking?

"Well, little brother, I believe you have something to tell us. Don't think that I haven't realized how you've slipped away before." Elsa was the first to speak, while giving him an expectant look.

"It's younger. In law." Killian pointed before letting out an exaggerated sigh, not hiding his irritation at the way Elsa was addressing him. He already had enough with his bloody brother, thank you very much. Elsa simply rolled her eyes and then raised an eyebrow, as an indication that she was waiting for an answer. "I suppose your husband has already informed you of everything there is to know. I've been seeing someone for three months. She has been invited to spend the holidays with us and she has accepted. End of the story."

"End of the story? Not at all, not when we don’t even know the beginning. We want details, Killy.” Anna almost bounced excitedly in her seat.

Killian hated that Anna used that term of endearment with him, just as his sister-in-law had ended up emulating his husband and used the term "little brother" more often than not, something that made him almost cringe. He was aware that it was an affectionate term but it did nothing to mitigate that feeling of being like a small child who had to be cared for.

Hi did not have the slightest desire to expand his explanations, but Elsa didn't even give him time to reply, continuing with the interrogation, to his dismay. "Yes! We want to know everything, such as her identity. Are you dating your neighbor, the blonde girl? I think we've met her in the hallway once, she seems nice."

Nice... He wouldn't describe Emma as a nice person, but rather a bit of a badass, at least with him, but that was part of her appeal, wasn't it? She was tough, enigmatic and at the same time stunning... He noticed how his cheeks began to burn, while a warm sensation spread through his body. Stop! He needed to stop imagining Emma and focus on the conversation if he didn't want to embarrass himself and look like a schoolboy with his first crush.

"Aye, Emma has been my neighbor for several months. Something else?"

"Of course, we want to know how it all began. Tell us and give us some juicy detail." Anna insisted as she rubbed her hands together causing him to roll his eyes while her husband snorted. After letting out a sigh of resignation, he began to tell their story.

"It was Roger's fault. He slipped into her apartment and she's allergic to cats. She didn't take it well and let's say the relationship didn't get off to a good start, but then things seem to have turned out just fine."

"Oh, an enemies to lovers story, isn't that cute?" Anna grinned at him. "And with a kitten involved. It's like a romantic novel, isn't it?" He repressed the impulse to raise his gaze to the ceiling begging for mercy. Little did he know that his particular ordeal had only just begun.

From there on, the two women of the family began to ask him more specific questions related to both Emma and their relationship, to which he had no choice but to seek improvised answers, while making a mental note in a desperate attempt to remember all that information for the future.

"What's her favorite color?"

Who cares?  "Yellow." The image of her yellow beetle parked always occupying the best spot just in front of their block of flats came to mind.

"Have you met her family yet?"

"She doesn't have any close relatives." He only remembered a tall brunette woman visiting her flat. Which led him to wonder what was the true story of Emma Swan. She always seemed a lonely woman. Maybe she also had a traumatic past? For some reason that possibility caused a strange sensation to settle in the pit of his stomach. He would have to ask her at some point if he wanted this farce to succeed.

"Is she addicted to TV shows like you?"

He couldn't suppress an incipient smile appearing on his face before answering, "Oh yes." Of that, he was sure. The wall that separated the two apartments was so thin that he only need to remain silent to listen to what was happening on the other side. He could confirm that she spent hours in front of the television.

"Do you share musical tastes?"

Hell no. "No." He was more into the rock bands of the 80s and 90s while she kept listening to Ed Sheeran at full volume. He was sure that she did it on purpose, as a sophisticated and subtle method of psychological torture.

Something came to his mind right then. He found it a bit contradictory and at the same time quite interesting that a person as tough as Emma had a soft side at least in terms of music. He took another mental note with the goal of teasing her about that matter at the first moment he had a chance.

The interrogation continued for a while longer, while his resources of improvisation began to run out. At the moment in which even the affable Kristoff dared to launch himself a question about Emma, he knew that he had reached his boiling point. Fortunately, his brother seemed to notice his uneasiness and came to his rescue, although in that peculiar way of his that almost supposed that the cure was worse than the disease. "Well, we'll have time to meet her and ask her in person soon. I already told you so, little brother, I understand that you want to be cautious, but I know you, we all know you." Liam paused, his hand waving to encompass all the family members present. "We know that when you put your heart into something you do it completely. She is the lucky one here, don't forget it."

His lips twisted slightly in a failed attempt at a smile as a feeling of guilt crept from his stomach to form a lump in his throat. This was all wrong. He shouldn't lie to his family in this way, let alone implicate Emma in such a farce. Nobody deserved it.

"Show us some pictures, I'm sure you have several of them on your phone."

Bloody hell! His heart froze for a moment, while the palms of his hands began to sweat. Of course, Elsa would ask about the photographs. How could he have forgotten that his sister-in-law was a sucker for pictures? It did not matter if they were travel photos, selfies, or just cute images. For her, photography was a medium that allowed us to tell stories through the image. She was a photographer for a reason. He cursed himself inwardly, for being so stupid as to pretend to cheat on his family without even elaborating a plan of action. He should abort the mission just at that moment. It was the right thing to do, isn't it? But then he glanced at his family. They were looking at him with their eyes full of hope and bright smiles, something he had not seen addressed to him in a long time. He could not disappoint them once again. While taking a deep breath, he came with a makeshift answer.

"I'm afraid it's not going to be possible." He shrugged as one of the corners of his lips twisted upward in an apologetic expression. "I ran out of space on the device and had to transfer all the content to my laptop. Maybe next time."

A flash of disappointment crossed Elsa's eyes, but she recovered after a few seconds, offering a soft smile. "Maybe next time come sooner than expected. Since it seems that the thing between the two of you has become official, I was thinking that you could bring Emma next week for our Sunday lunch."

Not a chance. Especially since that meant he would have to convince Emma again. He did not even want to speculate on what she would demand in return, not to mention what a scrutiny like the one he had been subjected to would suppose for her. He had no intention of finding out. No way in hell.

"We already had plans and we won't be here next week. Even I am aware that the fewer people there are in this first meeting, the less likely it’s that we frighten her to the point of making her flee."

Anna wasn't helping, certainly. The mere thought that Emma could be with him next week, sitting next to him in this very couch caused a chill to run down his spine. And not in a good way. He was so fucked up.

He left his brother's apartment late in the afternoon, without expressly committing himself to bring Emma next time. "I'll see what I can do. Let's say that she is not a very social person." It was the most they could get out of him.

While driving home, he had time to reevaluate Elsa's proposal. Maybe it was not such a bad idea. In fact, maybe it was something convenient. That first meeting would allow them to pave the way for what would happen at Christmas. He prayed to find Emma in a good mood. Or at least for her to be at home. He had the feeling that if he gave himself time to brood over the idea, he would finally chicken up and find it even harder to make the request.

It turned out that luck was on his side in that regard. As soon as he reached his door, just when he was taking the keys out of his pocket, Emma opened her own door, as if she had been invoked.

He was so unprepared to see her at that very moment that he almost makes a fool of himself when he was about to drop the keys. Bloody hell. This woman had a powerful effect on him both for good and bad. Once the first impression was over, he forced himself to put on the mask of bravado as a means of hiding his inner nervousness. To his relief, she seemed equally surprised, her eyes widening as her mouth fell open until she reacted, schooling her features and raising an eyebrow at him in an unimpressed gesture.

She was stunning, even just wearing leggins, a tank top and with her hair in a ponytail. Her attire seemed to indicate that she was not going anywhere but Killian couldn't help wondering why she had opened the door just then. Feeling that this could be a topic to push and get a reaction from her, Killian shortened the distance between him and his beautiful neighbor while his lips drew a mischievous smile.

"Hi, love, are you going somewhere or is just that you are eager to see your handsome fake boyfriend?"

Her reaction was the expected, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Or maybe it's just that I was waiting for someone..." She smirked at him. To his credit, he kept his smile, though he felt a twinge of something like jealousy in his stomach.

"Is that so?" He came even closer to her, invading her personal space, while tilting his head, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

He had to suppress raising his fist in triumph when he saw the effect he had just caused on her. Her pupils dilated as her gaze drifted to his lips. He decided to push his luck a little more. "That would be a pity, because I happen to have a suggestion for you, something you will not be able to refuse." His voice dropped to a suggestive murmur.

Her gaze lingered on his lips for a split second until finally, her green eyes focused on his. "What do you want this time, Jones?"

It was now or never. It would be better if he didn't take the time to process the implications and just act. Summoning an act of unusual determination, he hastened to throw the proposition. "It turns out that today I've been visiting my family, like every Sunday, and they have suggested that you and I go to have lunch with them next Sunday. Isn't it exciting, Swan? Consider it a practice for when the big event takes place."

He had expected a much more explosive reaction, maybe a frown, perhaps a grimace, or even a little yelling. Instead, her reaction was much more subtle. He wasn't sure if that was a positive signal or not. Something he wasn't able to identify flashed in her gaze, and then her eyes narrowed and her head tilted a bit, subjecting him to an uncomfortable scrutiny.

"I've missed the part where this crazy plan is exciting. Care to explain how spending a Sunday afternoon surrounded by strangers, children included, while pretending to be your girlfriend may have something attractive to me?"

"The food will be delicious and my nephews and niece are quite adorable." He offered tentatively. Seriously Jones? What the hell are you thinking?

"The kids thing isn’t helping, buddy."

Okay. Emma wasn’t a kid person. Point to add in his imaginary list of things that he should know about Emma Swan. After letting out a heavy sigh, he had no choice but to resort to the method of persuasion had worked so well the previous time. He would have to beg.

"Come on, Swan, I've done my part of the plan so far. I'm the one who has to put up with Roger's plaintive mewling or worse, the murderous looks he throws at me when I stop him from going out on one of his exploratory adventures." Emma scoffed as she shook her head. "I'm not lying, he may be a small creature but sometimes he can be very intimidating." He was rambling, he was aware, but at least he had managed to get the ghost of a smile from Emma. Even so, she remained silent so he had no choice but to use once more the pleading tone while his lips drew a convincing pout. "Please?"

He held his breath as he tried to get distracted by the movement of her tongue licking her lips and the way her chest rose as she took a deep breath. He did not miss the soft blush that appeared on her cheeks either. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally decided to reply. "This is a one-time thing, Jones, I swear." She hardened her features as she raised a finger in warning. "Don't think that this is going to become a normal practice. You'll have to find an excuse for the next few weeks until Christmas."

"Sure. A one-time thing, just like the kiss. Got it." He managed to respond in a neutral tone and then pressed his lips together in an attempt to suppress the grin that threatened to form.

"And one more thing, do you have any cash with you?"

His brow furrowed in confusion as he groped in his pocket for his wallet. "What do you need the...?" When he looked up again he found that Emma was looking over his shoulder, while a non-subtle smirk was blossoming on her face. He turned following the direction of her gaze, meeting a delivery guy approaching with a box of pizza in his hands.

"Hi, E. Swan? I have a delivery for you." Emma gave the guy a sweet smile as she accepted the box.

"Thank you." Then she turned to him, plastering on a fake smile. "Can you pay for our dinner, honey? And don't forget the tip, since the service has been quite satisfactory so far."

Killian glared at her, but he complied without uttering a single word, especially not to embarrass the poor guy even more, who had been involved in that situation accidentally. The delivery man muttered a timid "thank you," before scurrying down the hall.

Emma took advantage of that moment of distraction to attempt to sneak away too, but he was faster. "Easy there, love. Since, after all, it's me who had just paid for that pizza, we could share it, don't you think?" He wasn't sure of the reason for that suggestion. Certainly, he wasn't hungry since it hadn't been that long since the family lunch. And having a conversation with Emma was quite a challenge. He tried to convince himself that this would be just a tactic to gather information about her so as not to make a fool of himself in front of his family next time.

"No, I don't think so. I happen to be very hungry. Also, consider it a payment in advance for what will happen next week." After giving him a triumphant glance, she closed the door in his face, without giving him time to reply.

"What the..." He remained speechless in the middle of the corridor for a few seconds, trying to process what had just happened. He should have imagined it. He couldn't prevent a laugh from bubbling in his throat at the surrealism of the situation. Was it possible that Emma had flirted with the poor delivery boy? Or was it something that only he had appreciated because she had managed to charm him in a way?

In the end, it was clear that she had managed to have free dinner at his expense and he had achieved what he intended, continue with the farce for a little longer and pave the way to make the official introduction of Emma to his family. The very idea of that next encounter caused a chill to run down his spine as his body tensed. He was not sure he could handle the situation at all. Not with someone like Emma as an accomplice.

He shook his head to get out of the trance as he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh. Once his composure was restored, he finally headed to his apartment. Before he could open the door, though, his neighbor's door opened again and Emma's head poked through the gap.

"Uh, you wouldn’t have any beer, would you? I may have run out of them."

He looked towards her with some disbelief, as he bit the inside of his cheek, holding back a snarky retort. Instead, he merely nodded in resignation, trusting that her requests would not go any further. "Sure, love, how many do you need?"

"That depends on the beers you're gonna drink." There was a challenge there, both in her eyes and her voice, but Killian also detected something else, something he couldn't identify. Maybe a glimpse of what was behind the walls around her?

His brows knitted together as he gave her an inquiring look through his narrow eyes. "Does that mean I'm invited now?"

"Don't make me regret it. Are you bringing the beers or not?"

"I'll be right back." To his credit, he repressed the urge to smile like an idiot until he found himself in the privacy of his apartment. His grin widened when Roger came out to meet him. "I'm sorry mate, I'm afraid that I won't be able to accompany you at dinner today." After caressing his back, he hurriedly filled his container with food and then went to the fridge to grab the beers. 

Before leaving his apartment to meet Emma again he took two deep breaths, while he tried unsuccessfully not to read too much in her sudden change of mind. This would be the first time that Emma deliberately invited him to her apartment with no other purpose than to hang out together, even if she had used beer as an excuse. That change of attitude had to mean something. He had better not waste that opportunity if he wanted to succeed next week.

//

Thanks for reading, let me know what you all think :)

Tagging some people who may be interested @resident-of-storybrooke , @suwya , @onceuponaprincessworld @imagnifika @let-it-raines

[nickireadstfc]

The King’s Men, Chapter 10 – [Andreil Intensifies]

In which Mission Fix the Twinyards finally kicks off, Nicky values the important things in life (ice cream), Andreil have a Consent Talk, and oh, also the Foxes rule. Natch.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

After the game is before the game, so the team kicks off this chapter by sorting through the aforementioned applications for new recruits. This goes well by pretty much everyone but Kevin, whose Exy Elitism is making him kind of a little bitch.

             Kevin insisted Wymack put out a second request, to which Wymack demanded Kevin be a little more accepting of strikers who hadn’t been raised to be champions.

Exy-actly.

No offense, but chill, my man.

             Neil didn’t have the experience or insight to argue with Kevin, but he quietly clung to one of the choices he’d made and refused to let it go.

Okay, but do we ever find out who Neil recruited?

I need to know this for reasons.

REASONS.

             Abby stepped in when the argument got too loud and banished Wymack and Kevin to opposite ends of the locker room.

Bahahahahaha. Love me some good Fox mom moments.

In other news – Mission Fix the Twinyards has finally commenced!

Apparently, all is takes to get them to cooperate is to have them shout emotional murder confessions in each other’s faces. Who would have thought.

             “One of these days I want you to tell me how you roped Katelyn into it.”

             “I asked,” Neil said.

             “There goes that ‘asked’ thing again,” Matt said. “Does it mean something different where you come from?”

             “Most of the time, yes,” Neil said.

             The unexpected honesty startled a laugh from Matt.

Same.

Also, a laughing Matt is a wonderful Matt. In this household, we like all our Foxes laughing and happy, thank you very much.

However, of course, one counselling session isn’t enough to fix years and years of Twin Teen Trauma (even if it’s with Betsy and her magical cocoa powers), so the brothers still aren’t exactly BFFs, as the kids say.

             Wymack looked from one to the other. “Is this going to be an ongoing thing? I need tot know how to plan around you.”

             “No,” Andrew said.

             Aaron flicked him an irritated look. “Yes.”

BahAHAHA.

Wonderful.

In a rare occurrence, the Foxes get a night off, which everyone takes as an excuse to kick back and relax.

In Kevin and Neil’s case, this means marathoning Exy games and taking notes like fucking nerds.

Nicky, once again, manages to be my fictional voice in this universe:

             “It’s Friday night and this is how you’re entertaining yourselves? Give me a break! Think about something else for a while, would you? Like ice cream.”

SAME, MY DUDE.

Nicky, in a brave attempt to distract Neil’s nerdy ass (as we all know, all hope is lost on Kevin), tries to convince him to go to the store with him, which of course – works?

             Neil looked at Andrew and thought about Nicky’s worried appeal last fall, the warning that one day Exy wouldn’t be enough on its own. (…) Neil built his life around Exy after his mother dies because he needed something to live for, but Neil wasn’t alone anymore.

BITCH I’M CRYING.

I am SHOOKETH.

And all of this over ice cream.

The food of gods, my guys. The food of gods.

Also: Nicky apparently isn’t on Andrew’s insurance policy anymore and doesn’t have the keys to the new car either? Which means Andrew didn’t just give Neil permission to use his car, but gave it only to him?? What kind of gay FUCKERY????

I can’t believe I’m really out here having feelings about car policies. What the fuck has this book done to me.

Speaking of gay shit!

You thought we were done with a little angsty kissy-kissy on the rooftop?

SHIT NO.

THERE IS MORE.

             “Question,” Neil said, “when you said you don’t like being touched, is it because you don’t like it at all or because you don’t trust anyone else enough to let them touch you?”

HELL yes, this is what I am about.

Give me that sweet sweet consent talk.

             “It doesn’t matter to a man who doesn’t swing,” Andrew clarified.

             Neil shrugged. “I don’t because I’ve never been allowed to. The only thing I could think about growing up was surviving.”

Hell yeah again for Neil not having a Gay Freakout over this <33

Only like, a General Life Anxiety Freakout, but when does he ever not have that one.

             Maybe this was why this was in that gray area of what was acceptable. It didn’t matter that Andrew was a would-be sociopath or a man; the idea of Andrew was so intertwined with the idea of Neil’s safety that this too was a means of self-preservation.

That’s… kind of poetic, actually.

Damn, Josten.

             “I trust you.”

             “You shouln’t.”

             “Says the man who stopped.”

Ohhhhhhhh, you clever boy, you.

I LOVE this.

Please know that I am giggling gleefully, almost manically, during this entire exchange.

             “So are you completely off-limits or are there any safe zones?”

             “What are you hoping for, coordinates?”

             “I’m hoping to know where the lines are before I cross them,” Neil said, “but I’m open to drawing a map on you if you want to loan me a marker.”

Bless these boys and their sass at all times.

Also DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS CONSENT TALK I DON’T THINK I DID.

Seriously, this is so, so important and so, so wonderful.

             “I’m still waiting for a yes or no I actually believe,” Andrew returned.

             “Yes.”

BITCH, YES.

             “It’s fine if you hate me,” Neil said.

             It was the truth, if a bit of an understatement. So long as Andrew was only physically attracted to Neil, this was safe to experiment with. Neil’s death wouldn’t be more than a faint inconvenience to Andrew.

My boy…

Yeah right. A faint inconvenience, my entire fucking ass.

             “Good,” Andrew said, “because I do [hate you].”

Again – yeah right, my entire fucking ass.

             “Stay,” Andrew said, and leaned down to kiss him.

And the next part I’m sparing you all because this is, frankly, unholy.

I want to quote everything.

I want to quote nothing, and let us all treasure the absolute gloriousness of the following makeout session in peace.

Because honestly – I read a lot, and I read a lot that has kissing in it, and this is still one of the best, most real, most heartfelt-without-being-tacky descriptions of kissing I’ve ever read. All the kudos to you, Nora.

I am way, way too invested in this pair by now. Holy shit.

All good gay things come to an end, though, and eventually Nicky comes back, diverting the good gay things with ice cream and horror movies.

But – our boys don’t quite walk away from their, ahem, encounter quite as unscathed as they’d like:

             Andrew had stayed by the door after letting Nicky in. Thinking that Andrew needed space and time to regroup the same way Neil did almost wrecked Neil’s attempts to get his neutral façade back together.

This is the most beautiful shit I’ve read all chapter, what the fuck.

Any time we see indicators of Andrew not being an Emotionless Void With Arm Bandages, I gain +5 years to my life expectancy.

Phew. We survived the gay shit once again, folks. What’s next?

Oh yeah.

SPORTSBALL.

More specifically, Neil and Kevin have an argument about whether to be a Technical Mastermind Player, The Very Best, Like No One Ever Was, or whether to be an Intuitive, Impulsive Heat Of The Moment Player, Because Fuck You Kevin.

Basically, Kevin wants to bone the perfect game, while Neil wants to bone the suspenseful game.

Oh, guys.

(Watch me revive year old memes at all times, watch me.)

In related Sportsball News – the Foxes have their first death match coming up!

And apparently they’re… Crushing it?

             When the Foxes hit the court February 9th, no one was expecting the fight they brought to it. (…) The sportscasters were shaking their heads in amazement.

             “I’m not entirely sure who we’re looking at now or what they did with last year’s Foxes, but they’ve completely blown me away.”

BITCH, ME TOO.

Also hah, we almost made it exactly to the date again – three days late, but this is still such a nice touch to be reading this in almost real time.

             “This is the kind of synchrony you’d expect from top-notch schools. A few weeks ago we all laughed when freshman Neil Josten said the Foxes were raring for a rematch with the Ravens. No one’s laughing now.”

Hell fucking YEAH for my children. I am such a proud soccer mom.

Exy mom. Whatever.

             The seniors exchanged a long look, exhausted and triumphant. (…) The girls came to Palmetto State University knowing it’d take work to salvage that sour reputation and knowing Wymack was their only ally. (…) Despite every loss and every roadblock, they’d made it, and now they were finally getting the nod they deserved.

Uhm, YOU GUYS IMMA CRY.

Honestly, this bit right there just got to me. These three fought so hard, wading through patriarchal bullshit every day of their lives and going on still, and now they finally fucking made it, and we get to see them as a unit, standing proud.

More love towards our Fox girls always, y’all.

TREASURE THEM WITH ME.

(Also, did I mention I’ll be cosplaying these three ladies with two friends of mine at a con here in Germany next month? With full jerseys? And did I mention I’m hella excited? And does that heighten my feelings over this bit hardcore right now??

Absolutely.)

Back to the death match – hey, remember last book when Andrew actually gave a shit about Exy for 0.2 seconds and pulled some really sweet stunts?

Apparently, our boy has decided to up his Giving A Shit game to 0.3 seconds now, because I manages to give Neil a goal shot by – hold on – making Nicky take a red card for fucking flooring a dude, taking the penalty shot, deflecting it like an absolute badass, and clearing the ball all the way up the long ass court.

Holy shit, my dude. Do I want to see what you’re like when you give 0.4 shits, or even one (1) entire shit?

Unbelievable.

Also, there is a description in there of Neil running “like his father was on his heels”, and if that isn’t the funniest, most unexpected bit of gallows humour I’ve seen in this chapter I don’t even know.

             [As the match went on] Andrew stopped every shot on goal and bounced a couple rebounds off the strikers’ helmets just to rile them further.

Andrew, I love you.

And of course, what happens as soon as Andrew moves so much as a little finger?

             The buzzer sounded on an eight-three win. They’d dominated their first death match and were on to round three for the first time ever.

HECK FUCKIN’ YEEAAAAAHHHHHH.

Sadly, even though he may give a tiny bit more of a shit on the court, as soon as the game is over Andrew is back to being his angsty self. Shame.

Petition for their final game to be the one that finally gets through to Andrew, please.

However, Nicky more than makes up for his mood.

             “Can you believe it?” he asked, amazed. “We are such hot shit sometimes!”

Nicky, never change. <3

When they go back to Wymack And Abby’s for a mandatory team celebration, there is another bit of Quality Nicky Content that had me in absolute hysterics:

             Matt commandeered the sound system in the other room. Nicky and Allison argued with all of his choices and each other, but they didn’t sound serious so Neil didn’t intervene.

I cannot, cannot stress how much I love this.

PARTY DJS NICKY AND ALLISON. GIVE ME THEM SWEET FANARTS NOW.

Brb, making a playlist instantly.

Neil, sadly, isn’t super hyped about choosing the latest bops, and goes in search of his boyfriend instead, who he finds sitting on a car gazing into nothingness – as one does when one is Gay, Angsty and Dramatic.

             “We won,” Neil said. (…) “Would it kill you to let something in?”

             “It almost did last time,” Andrew said.

YIKES.

Hope your foot tastes good, Neil, because you just put it real nicely in your mouth.

             “You sound like a wind-up doll with only one topic,” Andrew said. “I have nothing to say to you.”

             “If I talk about something else, will you talk to me?”

             Andrew quirked a brow at him. “Can you talk about something else?”

Oh, burn.

One last thing before we go –

             Halfway across the lawn his phone went off. Neil was annoyed enough to answer tonight’s “28” in his inbox with an “Enough”.

             No one responded.

Seriously guys, what the happ is fuckening.

If you like what I do here and you want me to continue writing fun things for you, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!