#he might have also just found dimensions interesting after the whole first movie but whatever thats less sappy so who cares

[protagonist909]

thinking about how Miles' plan for his future was to study THEORETICAL PHYSICS just because he was lonely and missed his friends. He didn't even know if it was possible but he was going to study and learn one of the hardest subjects EVER, to try and create a way back to them. He was so passionate about it while talking to his parents and hshwbdjsjjwkekd. you could say this is reaching but with the way he reacted when Gwen came to see him, him jumping in the portal after her, what he explained to hobie about needing a watch to see his friends, it feels soooo clear to me that he fr would've done anything to see them again. he was clearly just so so sad without them oh my godddddddd.

[actuallysaiyan]

Hi it's me moldy salad from a03, listen ik you've been getting a lot of Danny Elfman requests but I was wondering if you could do a Forbidden Zone one where you get lost in the 6th dimension and meet satan and its got a lot of sexual tension in it until you both snap and do the deed and it's got a lot of dirty talk in it? That'd be awsome thanks <3 (sorry this was so long lol)

Word count: 1,210 Pairings: Satan(Danny Elfman) x Reader Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, domination, breeding kink Summary: Reader begins to adjust to her life in the sixth dimension, and she can’t help but fall for Satan. He’s sexy and he wants her just as much as she wants him. He shows her a good time. A/N: For all you Danny Elfman fans(and non Danny Elfman fans), please go watch Forbidden Zone. It’s fucking insane and such a great movie! If you think you’ve seen weird films, well this movie is going to challenge that...plus Danny plays Satan. It’s fucking great!

When you first found yourself in the sixth dimension, you thought you would meet your demise here. Everything was just so strange and beyond words to explain it, you figured you would die. It didn’t seem like anyone could even live in a place like this, but eventually you fell into an odd routine and found a place to call your own in this odd place.

And with all of these adjustments, you also found yourself pining for Satan. Sure, it wasn’t a normal choice, but he was very handsome and he amused you very much. From what you could tell, he was very much interested in yourself as well, which was something you could hardly believe given the fact that you knew that he also had a thing for the princess.

As the days went on, you found yourself growing more and more interested in Satan. He practically haunted your dreams as you continued to adjust to your new life here. You often spent time pleasing yourself to thoughts of him dominating you, and him doing whatever he wanted to you. In the sixth dimension, there wasn’t anything that was too lustful or sexual. Everything here was on the table, and you knew that maybe if you finally told Satan that you were interested in him, maybe you’d finally be able to live out your fantasies.

One day, you found yourself talking to him, and you couldn’t help but flirt and touch him lightly. He was being his usual playful self, which was making you even more infatuated with him. His smile made your knees weak and you wanted to throw yourself at him.

“I can tell what’s going on inside your mind,” he teased. You smirked at him, wondering if he could actually read your mind. You figured he might actually have those powers.

“Oh yeah? Tell me what I’m thinking.”  You said playfully. He smiled at you, reaching out to grab your hand.

“You’re picturing me kissing you, holding you down and having my way with you. You’ve been picturing this for months, and you’ve been touching yourself to thoughts of me.” Satan told you, watching your reaction.

You chuckled softly, leaning over towards him and kissing him on the lips. He pulled you onto his lap, his hands lingering on your ass. You could feel his erection grow as you ground your hips into him, making him groan softly. You loved the sound of his voice, it was like music to your ears. He began kissing your neck, moving up to your ear.

“I’m going to fuck you so good,” he teased, his hands coming up to cup your breasts.

“You think you can please me? I’d like to see you try.” You challenged, hoping to get him aroused and ready to have his way with you.

“You’re funny if you think I can’t please you. I know you’ve been wanting this for so long.”

He lifted you up, bringing you over to his bedroom. Everything felt so burning hot, and you could feel yourself begin sweating slightly. He pulled your shirt from your body, leaving you nude from the waist up. He smirked as he noticed you weren’t wearing a bra.

Your back hit his mattress and he climbed on top of you, unbuttoning his shirt as you helped him out of his suit jacket. You couldn’t believe how well he dressed considering how so many people here walked around in the nude or almost nude.

“Little girl, you’ll be begging me to cum inside you once I’m done with you.” Satan said, his breath hot and wet on your neck as he whispered in your ear. You whimpered, rubbing your thighs together to get some kind of relief.

He spread your legs, his hands wandering down and rubbing you through your pants. You whine and moan as he hits all the right spots, making you so aroused before he can even get you fully naked.

He took his time removing the remaining articles of clothing, and then he finally allowed you to undress him. His hard cock rubbed up and down against your wet cunt, drawing needy and throaty whines from you. You needed him now and you didn’t want to wait any longer. He barely touched your soaking wet pussy, and you wanted him deep within you.

“Patience, little girl. I’ll get to that soon,” Satan purred, making you feel impatient.

His fingers expertly worked on your pussy; two of them sliding deep within you while he leaned down to taste your sweet juices. His lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked hard. You cried out as he continued to devour you, making your whole body shake.

You wiped the sweat from your brow as Satan continued to fuck you with his long fingers and lapped up your juices. You felt like you would explode. Everything was different from any of the other men you had ever been with, and that was no surprise. He wasn’t like the other men you had been with. He was Satan!

Suddenly, you felt yourself gush all over his face. He smirked as he continued to lick you, his fingers never slowing. You moaned as your cum coated his face and fingers, and he barely seemed to mind. As your body was wracked with shocks of pleasure, Satan just continued his affections.

“You never thought you could do that, did you?” He questioned and you laughed breathily.

“No one’s ever been able to make me squirt.”

He pulled his fingers from you, placing them at your lips.

“Suck.” 

You opened your mouth and sucked your own juices from his fingers. While you sucked his fingers, he roughly entered you. You squealed in surprise, not expecting him to begin fucking you this soon after your orgasm.

His hands gripped your hips as he pulled you into him, causing him to reach new depths within you. You groaned as he began thrusting. He slid deep within you with ease as your juices coated his cock nicely.

Suddenly, he flipped you over and pushed your face into the satin pillows. His hands are buried in your hair, pulling and causing you to mewl. His pace became even rougher and faster, making you closer to your climax.

“You’re going to be my little bitch now, and I’m going to breed you so good.” He whispered, his voice deep and dark. It was like something switched within him. He was no longer playful; only dark and demanding.

One of his hands came down to spank your ass hard, making you cry out. Tears streamed down your cheeks as he continued to fuck you hard, and you were seconds from cumming hard around his cock. Satan reached down to rub your clit harshly, which caused your orgasm to hit you hard. Your vision blurred and you mewled his name and other gibberish as he fucked you even harder. 

His thrusts became erratic as he gripped your hips, and Satan moaned as he pumped you full of cum. You could barely make sense of anything as he pulled out, lying down next to you. You were out of breath and your pussy was very sore and leaking cum.

“Little girl, you’re mine now.”

[ofstarsandfireflies]

Alrighty my friends, here’s a junk food movie I was in the mood for.

Despicable Me 2

Gru faces off against love...again.

Stephen is a villain with three adopted children, Peter (Margo), Harley (Edith) and Morgan (Agnes).

They are the reason he is still a villain because no one would dare come after them knowing the power he has and the lengths he’s willing to go through to keep them protected.

And being a villain has this perk, unlike the heroes who are always saving their damsels from him.

What irony.

It unfortunately doesn’t stop his nosey neighbor from trying to pry into his life, even if he is his therapist.

And it most certainly doesn’t stop him from being kidnapped and taken to Avengers HQ, where Nick MF Fury needs his help.

Turns out there have been these beings called Elementals which seem to have escaped from another dimension and are wrecking havoc on different parts of the world and for whatever reason, Fury needs Stephen’s help dealing with the last of them as the rest of the Avengers are busy fighting the other three.

Stephen is taken aback by this sudden information dump.

How the hell do they know these things come from another dimension?

And what they were called?

And where had he heard ‘Elementals’ before?

And what does he mean he needs Stephen’s help? Stephen is a father now, he can’t go off risking his neck for Fury when three lives depend on that neck.

He’s not one of his Avengers.

Fury then asks him if a partner would make him change his mind.

The one who kidnapped him and brought him here.

Stephen wonders who it could be, hoping to every god in existence it isn’t Rogers because he would never live that down.

No, no it’s far worse than that.

It’s Tony Stark.

His arch nemesis.

The love of his life.

Not that Tony knows that of course.

Tony isn’t too thrilled about working with Strange after all the fights they’ve had in the past and the messes he’s had to clean up after the Sorcerer. but tries to put their differences aside seeming how they have to work together.

They decide to meet up the following day so Stephen can see the destruction this ‘Elemental’ left in its wake for himself.

And, of course, the kids want to go with him.

Upon meeting Tony, Peter is polite, Harley is a little shy but gives him a smile which is saying a lot more than words for him, and Morgan asks him if Tony is single.

Tony instantly loves the kids, finding it sweet how they tackle Stephen to the ground to hug him and even though Stephen tries to brush it off and start a fight with Tony over it, Tony just tells him he must be a pretty good guy if those kids can love him as much as they do.

Stephen feels his heart melting.

Of course he’s a good guy. Not a GOOD good guy but a better guy than most.

Villains who go after kids are a whole level of evil Stephen refuses to sink to.

He asks Tony about how Fury got the information about whatever caused this destruction being called an Elemental and being from another dimension.

He knows he’s heard that name somewhere.

And the answer surprises Stephen. There’s apparently a magic user on their side calling himself Mysterio, but that’s all Tony knows.

Stephen knows this has Loki in one of his disguises.

Only Loki would talk such rubbish and be able to use magic.

There’s no one else it could possibly be, not on earth anyway, and no one else would be stupid enough to use some grand alias like “Mysterio.”

But he needs proof.

If he calls him out now, he might do something that could cause more destruction to their vicinity; and with his children and Tony here, that’s not a risk Stephen is willing to take.

Once Tony and Stephen go their seperate ways, his nosey neighbor is back, trying to ask him questions about what he’s been up to and, if Stephen cared, or was interested at all in anyone but Tony Stark, maybe he’d give him some of his time other than what he already pays him for, but he doesn’t, and he isn’t, so he just says goodnight to him and ushers his kids into the house.

And Stephen is feeling pretty good about working with Tony instead of fighting him, looking down at Tony’s number in his phone.

He has Tony Stark’s phone number.

And right when he’s about to call it, his phone rings.

But it’s Fury on the end of the line, wanting to know their progress.

Stephen doesn’t have much to say and Fury isn’t answering his queries about this Mysterio again.

He doesn’t get the secrecy and is about to hang up when Fury tells him that this is Tony’s last assignment.

He’s going to quit being an Avenger.

And when Stephen asks him why Fury is telling him this, he finally decides to answer one of his questions.

Because it’s what Tony wants, and after everything he’s done and been through, he deserves to retire.

Stephen’s ears are almost ringing with the silence after the call.

He and Tony won’t ever fight again?

Won’t ever see each other again?

Maybe it’s for the best they don’t find Loki after all.

If he just drags this out a little, maybe Tony will change his mind?

He looks back down at the number he was going to call.

And switches his phone off instead.

The next day as Tony and Stephen try to figure out how they can make Loki show himself with as little casualties as possible, the kids are off doing their own thing.

Morgan is wishing for Stephen and Tony to get together at the wishing fountain, Harley is stealing coins from the bottom of the fountain for Morgan to continue her wishing, and Peter experiences his first crush when a beautiful red head walks past and catches his eye and leads him away.

Harley and Morgan burst in on Tony and Stephen, who jump apart at the sudden intrusion before anything can happen, Morgan yelling about Peter having a girlfriend.

And just like that, Stephen is off.

He’s not going to let some nobody come along and try anything.

Especially when that nobody could be working with Loki.

If Peter got hurt...

But no matter where he looks, Peter is gone.

And then everything around him goes black, and from the darkness, a face he knows all too well looms above him.

But it’s not actually him, there’s no magic doing this.

He’d know.

He turns around, ready to tell everyone not to fear and to stick close, when he realises Harley, Morgan and Tony aren’t anywhere around either.

He’s completely alone.

And when he hears Morgan screaming, this prankster has officially gone too far.

The surge of power he unleashes causes the face and the darkness to crackle and turn to static before the real world reappears around him.

And the first thing he sees is Tony in his Iron Man suit, protecting Morgan and Harley.

The kids run into his arms and Tony let’s out a sigh of relief as he lowers his hand, but there is still no sign of Peter.

Tony suggests Stephen get Morgan and Harley home while he searches for him.

Stephen won’t be bossed around by an Avenger and he won’t be leaving without his son, but Tony asks that he trust him.

He’s got his suit and he can see through the illusions so he can do this while Stephen takes care of his kids, who need their father.

Stephen looks down at Morgan’s scared face and reads the fear in Harley’s eyes.

Tony promises to find Peter.

Stephen just has to trust him.

So Stephen agrees.

He creates a portal back home and tucks his kids in, sitting in a chair to watch over them and blast away any illusions that could seperate another child from him, overthinking the events that caused two children to be in this room instead of three.

How had someone known what that face looked like?

And then Stephen’s phone goes off.

He instantly checks it, hoping it’s from Tony.

But it’s from his neighbor.

Stephen can’t believe this.

This guy has been trying to get him to go on a date with him for the past several months and won’t take no for an answer, no matter what Stephen says or does.

And then he feels a cold sweat start to break out over his skin.

His neighbor was one of those movie buffs who loved special effects.

His neighbor had been going on about this new movie he was making about Elementals destroying the city.

His neighbor knew everything about Stephen Strange because his neighbor was also his therapist.

His neighbor had his son.

Stephen doesn’t waste any time.

He’s out of his house and past the letterbox that says ‘Beck’ on it, blowing the door half way down the hall as he enters the house standing right next to his own.

Quentin is sitting at his table as if he had been expecting Stephen, sipping his tea rather casually while the Sorcerer demands his son.

Quentin doesn’t answer, just points to the many screens before him.

Stephen gets closer and sees Peter on one of them.

And Tony approaching on another.

But there was something wrong with the way he was moving.

His legs seemed to drag him forward, very unlike the confident strides he had come to know.

Like the suit is being controlled.

Quentin smiles when Stephen realsises his plan.

He has listened to Stephen go on about Tony Stark for years now, and he grew to hate him just as much as Stephen did.

He knew he could do it. He knew he could be the one to kill Stark, to do what Stephen hadn’t been able to do.

He just needed time to perfect his masterpiece.

Now Stephen can be seen as the hero and Stark the Villain.

And Stephen will still have two children after the end of it.

Stephen is out of there before he can hear any more, getting to Tony before he can harm Peter.

Tony is trying his best to wrestle some control of the suit and not freak out as his body is forced into painful angles as the metal encasing him tightens to the point of almost crushing him within it.

But Stephen knows this suit’s weakness.

He knows every weakness he’s ever found in each and every suit Tony has ever fought him in.

This suit in made from Tony’s own nanotechnology, but there are only so many he can store within the housing unit until there are none left to restore the pieces Stephen can hack away at.

And that is exactly what he does, freeing Tony from it at last.

Tony doesn’t care his suit is ruined, it’s not like he was planning on wearing it again.

And that reminds Stephen.

Now that they won’t be fighting anymore, Tony is going to have a lot of time on his hands.

Tony agreees.

Which means...they could go on a date sometime.

Tony laughs.

And agrees again.

Quotes -

“Okay, I see where this is going, with all the mission: impossible stuff, but no. No! I’m a father now.”

Stephen has priorities and what Nick Fury wants ain’t one of them.

“So when are you going on your date?”

“What?”

“Remember? Miss Jillian said she was arranging a date for you.”

“Yeah, well, she is a nut job, and I’m no going on any date.”

“Why not? Are you scared?”

“Scared? Of what? Women? No! That’s bonkers! I just...I have no interest in going on a date, that’s all. Case closed. I’m not scared. Of women. Or dates.”

Stephen doesn’t want to go on any dates and Harley calls him out on it.

“Are you gonna marry Lucy?”

“Are you out of your gourd? No! She just works with me.”

“Plus, you love her. You love her! You love her! You really, really, love her!”

Morgan’s the only smart one.

“Don’t worry about me, Fru! I’ll be fine. I have survived lots worse than this...actually that’s not true I’m kinda freaking out up here!”

“Don’t worry, I will get you out of this!”

Tony never thought he’d need rescuing from Stephen Strange of all people.

Bad to the Bone.

Stephen Strange has no redeeming qualities at all. Nope. Not one.

Or so Tony thought.

Under that villain exterior is a man with a good heart big enough for three orphans.

And maybe there’s room for one more.

Missed a Day? Catch up here!

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5

Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9

[beardycarrot]

I, lying awake in bed because that’s how it always is the day before you have something important to do... am going to try to guess what the plot of Bioshock Infinite is, based on what I’ve seen in the first few hours and with knowledge of the other two (and a half?) games. Spoilers for the entire Bioshock series, except maybe Infinite, but I intend to knock it out of the park.

So. The first Bioshock is set in a futuristic (by 1950’s standards) city at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, created by a hardcore libertarian named Andrew Ryan as a way to once and for all live in a society free of government regulation. I won’t get into all the “sea slugs that produce a gene-altering wonder drug” and “child slaves brainwashed to drink corpse blood” stuff; very interesting, very important to the plot, but if I tried to explain the world of Bioshock I’d be lying here typing on my phone until the sun comes up. That stuff aside, the major plot points are that you’re not actually a guy who just happened to crash-land near the entrance to the city but are, in fact, Andrew Ryan’s son, and the guy who’s been guiding you through the city was actually using a Manchurian Candidate-style activation phrase to manipulate you into doing whatever he wanted. It’s a big, mind-blowing reveal (as is the realization that your character is actually about four years old... science fiction, man).

Bioshock 2 didn’t really have any big plot twists... or plot, for that matter ...but it was developed by an entirely different team, while the original’s team also did Infinite, so I’m expecting a return to form. Just as an aside, Bioshock 2 had a short DLC campaign called Minerva’s Den, which had a fantastic story, and a twist that the player can figure out on their own if they’re paying attention. Your goal is to get a very smart computer (for 1968) out of the underwater city and back to the surface so you can use it to cure all the victims of the slug-borne gene manipulation, and you’re guided over radio by the computer’s creator. At the end, you learn that the one guiding you was actually the computer itself, and that you’re its creator, slowly recovering from brainwashing. For the record, the endings to all three of these have made me cry.

So! With those kinds of twists in mind, what am I expecting from Bioshock Infinite? Well, I went into the game only knowing the names of the protagonists, that rather than underwater it was set in a floating sky city, and that there was some kind of religious theming but also a lot of old-timey Americana. As it turns out, the people of this city worship— no, have DEIFIED the founding fathers, and are lead by a man called Father Comstock. I’m pretty sure that name is a reference to the Comstock Act, similar to Andrew Ryan being named after Ayn Rand... but he could actually be called Father Cornstalk and I just haven’t been paying attention.

Anyway. Just a few minutes into the game, I noticed that a statue of Comstock looked suspiciously similar to my character... before deciding that I didn’t actually have that clear of a mental image of my character, they wouldn’t pull the “secret son” thing twice, and as much as I love it there probably isn’t going to be any time travel. Le sigh.

UNTIL!

So, your goal is to get a girl named Elizabeth out of the city, and there is some legitimately weird stuff going on with her prison. Like, they have some of her personal possessions from various points in her life in containment: a teddy bear, a diary, and a bloody cloth labeled “menarche”. Gross. Why would you keep that. Well, when an electric current (or something visually similar) is applied, the bear and diary change color, and the blood disappears from the cloth. The reason I’m not sure if it’s electricity is that there’s some kind of siphon system set up, it looks like a bunch of subwoofers, and it’s absorbing... something? When she sings, maybe? Is the energy being siphoned what changed the quantum states of those objects, or whatever was happening? There was also a chart showing that when she hit puberty... something, really spiked, which is what forced them to build the siphon. I can’t claim to know what’s happening here, but when I finally saw her she was day dreaming about Paris, and.. I guess opened some kind of portal, TO Paris? But then a bus or something barreled towards her, so she quickly closed it. In the couple seconds that the portal was open, I saw the marquee on a movie theater that... well, was in French, but I’M PRETTY SURE said “Return of the Jedi”. I should probably mention that this game is set in 1912. That smells like time travel to me, baby!

So, this is where it gets interesting, and confusing, and complicated. I think Elizabeth is Comstock’s daughter, from various signs and posters about Comstock’s seed being their salvation, and The Lamb of God being locked in the tower, and such... and signs about a “false shepherd” who would try to take her away (again, lots of weird divergent Christian sect stuff). One sign showered the false shepherd’s hand as having the initials AD branded on the back, which the protagonist Booker does indeed have. Before rescuing Elizabeth, Comstock confronts you, and seems to know all about Booker’s past, including his wife Anna (who died in childbirth), and claims to know his future as well. Being a prophet and such. Thing is, the way it’s presented, that whole thing could’ve all been in Booker’s head...? Shortly after rescuing Elizabeth, you run into someone who mistakes her for someone named Annabelle. Hmm HMMM. I’ve also run into a diary by someone named Rosalind Lutece (I think she’s one of the creepy twins who keep popping up everywhere) talking about physics and what sounded like the concept of quantum superpositioning, as well as a little informational kiosk in which she claims quantum mechanics are what enable the city to float. There were also a couple diaries that seemed to imply Elizabeth came from... somewhere else, and a part of her might still be there, or something?

SO. Finally, we get to the part where I theorize on what’s going on. In short... iunno.

Okay, well, I feel like my idea should be obvious by now. I think Comstock might be a future, or ALTERNATE REALITY FUTURE, version of Booker, and Elizabeth is... either a past version of his wife, before she went back in time and married him, or an alternate-reality version of his daughter? But then who is the Annabelle that the girl thought Elizabeth was? Did Booker’s child not die along with his wife, and was secretly wisked away to skytown? Comstock’s wife is consistently referred to as Lady Comstock, but what if her name is Annabelle too? Maybe it’s the same concept as the Heinlein story By His Bootstraps, with the protagonist only realizing that he IS now the old man from the beginning, and has to get his younger self into this weird time loop in order to live the life he’s lead?

I might be going a little off the rails; I mean, I’m pretty sure that the statue of Comstock I saw earlier actually reminded me of Handsome Jack, a character from another game I haven’t played who happens to wear an outfit similar to Booker’s. That said, there’s DEFINITELY some kind of time travel or dimension-hopping shenanigans going on here. There are good writers on this game, and I refuse to believe the Annabelle/Anna thing is a Batman v Superman-level coincidence.

The weird part is that in the tower where they were keeping Elizabeth, they have documentation of her dating back to one year old, so she was clearly exhibiting... something, unusual, even as a baby. The game also has yet to explain Vigors, its versions of the Plasmids from the first two Bioshock games, which were basically superpowers granted by the substance produced by those sea slugs. If I had to guess, Vigors are... a result of some kind of quantum something-or-other, which they made from whatever it is they were siphoning off of Elizabeth? Maybe it’s a Scarlet Witch kind of thing... you don’t actually change yourself, you just find yourself in an alternate reality where everything else is 100% the same, except you’re a version of yourself who can shoot crows out of your hands.

Right, so. My... official theory is... that... I have no idea what’s going on. Yeah, sorry, something in that mess up there is bound to be close, but when you get into time travel and/or dimension-hopping, all bets are off the table. Or all bets, a literally infinite number of bets, are on the table. Which is a lot to try to comprehend.

[harrisonstories]

George Harrison performing at the Royal Albert Hall (1992)

Guitar World Interviews George Harrison (released Jan. 2001 - original interview from 1992)

George Harrison looks back at the days when he played lead guitar in The Beatles, the greatest rock and roll band the world has ever known.

By Vic Garbarini

“So, you’re a real loony too,” laughs George Harrison, with the familiar droll, nasal Scouse (as they call it in Liverpool) accent. “Remember lying in that room all day, needle in your arm, feeling dazed, staring up at that ugly lime green ceiling?”

Well, yes, actually I do. And no, we weren’t shooting dope together in some dive. The lead guitarist of the most important group in rock history is reminding me of when we met a few years back in Dr. Sharma’s clinic in London. Sharma is an M.D. who is also an internationally recognized expert in alternative medicine - in particular, homeopathic and Indian Ayurvedic medicines - and it was these treatments that appealed to Harrison’s Eastern philosophic bent. Her waiting room looked like backstage Live Aid: Tina Turner and members of the Police, Pink Floyd - and of course an occasional Beatle - were drifting in and out. Through Sharma, I’d been promised an interview with George Harrison, and now 10 years later - we were finally sitting down to talk. It was late 1992, and George was promoting Live in Japan (Warner Bros.), the concert album of his 1991 tour with Eric Clapton and the last album he released to date.

So why is this interview finally finding its way to print eight years after the fact? Simple: it was lost. Parts had appeared in Guitar World and other places, but the body of the tape disappeared when the famous 1994 L.A. earthquake turned my apartment into a cosmic Cuisinart. Recently, while I was cleaning out a closet, the long-lost tape literally fell into my lap. The timing couldn’t have been better: All Things Must Pass, Harrison’s superb 1970 solo album, had just recently been issued in a remastered and expanded format. What’s more, the massive Beatles Anthology (Chronicle Books) has once again put the Fabs back in the limelight; but while the book is crammed with minutiae that will fascinate anyone with any interest in the Beatles, it contains little information on how the group created its music, the source of its internal conflicts or how those two elements interacted over the years.

I found that Harrison needed a little prodding before he would discuss the band’s inner turmoil. Once he opened up, though, he gave a most revealing and candid interview in which he expressed his true feelings for his fellow bandmates. Although Harrison was the first lead guitarist to become an equal in a major band (pre-Beatles guitarists like Scotty Moore, from Elvis Presley’s band, were clearly hired guns), he was sandwiched between the two most towering songwriters in rock history - and they often wanted to control his playing - or even do it for him. And of course, getting a decent hearing of his songs was no picnic either.

Perhaps it is for these reasons that Harrison has a reputation as the most dour of Beatles; yet he was witty and upbeat during our talk. He forgave Paul McCartney’s controlling tendencies and John Lennon’s indifference - but, it was clear, he hasn’t forgotten. He seemed emotionally evenhanded, even when angry, balancing the good with the bad and always seeing the positive dimension to all his struggles.

“I’m a Pisces, you know,” he joked. “One half always going back where the other half has been.”

George was also surprisingly willing to talk about the Beatles from the unique perspective of a guitarist as well as that of a composer. He told how he developed a guitar style that combined the music of the Mississippi Delta with that of India’s Ganges Delta, thereby creating his distinctive sound. He spoke of his relationships with Lennon and McCartney: who was more stimulating - and difficult - to work with, and why. He also described how he sneaked Eric Clapton into the studio to rescue one of Harrison’s greatest songs, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” And he answered the long-standing questions about whether he was bored during the making of Sgt. Pepper’s.

This may well be the most comprehensive, free-ranging discussion Harrison has ever granted on his years with the Beatles. So, now, here’s the man from the band you’ve known for all these years: Mr. George Harrison.

Guitar World: John Lennon said, “I grew up in Hamburg - not Liverpool.” Is that also true of the Beatles as a group?

George Harrison: Oh, yeah. Before Hamburg, we didn’t have a clue. [laughs] We’d never really done any gigs. We’d play a few parties, but we’d never had a drummer longer than one night at a time. So we were very ropy, just young kids. I was actually the youngest - I was only 17, and you had to be 18 to play in the clubs - and we had no visas. They wound up deporting me after our second year there. Then Paul and Pete Best [the Beatles’ first permanent drummer GW Ed.] got deported for some silly reason, and John just figured he might as well come home. But when we went there, we weren’t a unit as a band yet. When we arrived in Hamburg, we started playing eight hours a day - like a full workday. We did that for a total of 11 or 12 months, on and off over a two year period. It was pretty intense.

GW: Paul McCartney told me that playing for those drunken German sailors, trying to lure them in to buy a couple of beers so you could keep your gig, was what galvanized the band into a musical form.

HARRISON: That’s true, because we were forced to learn to play everything. At first, we played music of all our heroes - Little Richard, Fats Domino, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, the Everly Brothers, Ray Charles, Carl Perkins - anything we’d ever liked. But we still needed more to fill those eight-hour sets. Eventually we had to stretch and play a lot of stuff that we didn’t know particulary well. Suddenly, we were even playing movie themes, like “A Taste of Honey” or “Moonglow,” learning new chords, jazz voicings, the whole bit. Eventually, it all combined together to make something new, and we found our own voice as a band.

GW: I can see how all this musical stretching gave you the tools to eventually create your own unique sound. But it’s hard to believe drunken sailors would want to hear movie ballads.

HARRISON: No, we played those things because we got drunk! If you’re coming in at three or four in the afternoon with a massive hangover from playing all night on beer and uppers, and there’s hardly anybody in the club, you’re not going to feel like jumping up and down and playing “Roll Over Beethoven.” You’re going to sit down and playing something like “Moonglow.” And we learned a lot from doing that.

GW: Did those tight, Beatles vocal harmonies also come out of Hamburg?

HARRISON: We always loved those American girls groups, like the Shirelles and the Ronettes. So yeah, we developed our harmonies from trying to come up with an English, male version of their vocal feel. We discovered the option of having three-part harmonies, or lead vocal and two-part backup, from doing that old girl-goup material. We even covered some of those songs, like “Baby, It’s You,” on our first album.

GW: When you broke through in America, Carl Perkins and Scotty Moore, Elvis’ guitarists, were clearly your main influences as a guitarist. And, like them, you were using a Gretsch guitar. What was it about that rocka-billy style that captivated you?

HARRISON: Carl was playing that simple, amazing blend of country, blues and early rock, with these brilliant chordal solos that were very sophisticated. I heard his version of “Blue Suede Shoes” on the radio the other day, and I’ll tell you, they don’t come more perfect than that. Later, when we met Carl, he was such a sweet fellow, a lovely man. I did a TV special with him a couple of years ago and I used the Gretsch Tennessean again for that, the one I like to call the Eddie Cochran/Duane Eddy model. And you have to understand how radical that sound was at the time. Nowadays, we have all this digital stuff, but the records of that period had a certain atmosphere. Part of it was technical: the engineer would have to pot the guitar [adjust its level and tone] up and down or whatever. It was a blend that was affected by the live “slap echo” they were using. I loved that slap bass feel - the combination between the bass, the drum and the slap, and how they would all come together to make that amazing sound. We used to think that the drummer must be drumming on the double bass’ strings to get that slap back - we just couldn’t figure it out.

GW: The other major factor in your playing was Chuck Berry. I remember being a kid and hearing you do “Roll Over Beethoven” and thinking it was a Beatles song. We never heard black artists on the radio in those days.

HARRISON: Oh, that’s still happening. We did a press conference in Japan when I played live there with Eric Clapton [in 1991], and the first question was, “Mr. Harrison, are you going to play ‘Roll Over Beethoven’ in concert?” And when I said yes, the whole hall stood up and applauded! It was such a big thing for them, which seemed so funny. Then I realized they must still think I wrote it.

GW: Going back to the Beatles’ early touring days, Ringo Starr told me that you all gave up on playing live because you literally couldn’t hear each other, due to all the screaming and the primitive amplification.

HARRISON: We couldn’t hear a thing. We were using these 30-watt amps until we played Shea Stadium, at which point we got those really big 100-watt amps. [laughs] And nothing was even miked up through a P.A. system. They had to listen to us just through those tiny amplifiers and the vocal mikes.

GW: Did you ever give up and just mime?

HARRISON: Yeah, sometimes we used to play absolute rubbish. At Shea Stadium, [during “I’m Down,”] John was playing a little Vox organ with his elbow. He and I were howling with laughter when we were supposed to be doing the background vocals. I really couldn’t hear a thing. Nowadays, if you can get a good balance on your monitors, it’s so much easier to hear your vocals and stay in pitch. When you can’t hear your own voice onstage, you tend to go over the top and sing sharp - which we often did back then.

GW: The Beatles stopped touring in 1966 around the time of Revolver. That album was a quantum leap in terms of the band’s playing and songwriting. Rock could now deal with our inner lives, alienation, spirituality and frustration, things which it had never dealt so directly with before. And the guitars and music warped into a new dimension. What kicked that off? Was it Dylan, the Byrds, Indian music and philosophy?

HARRISON: Well, all of those things came together. And I think you’re right, around the time of Rubber Soul and Revolver we just became more conscious of so many things. We even listened deeper, somehow. That’s when I really enjoyed getting creative with the music - not just with my guitar playing and songwriting but with everything we did as a band, including the songs that the others wrote. It all deepened and became more meaningful.

GW: Dylan inspired you guys lyrically to explore deeper subjects, while the Beatles inspired him to expand musically, and to go electric. His first reaction on hearing the Beatles was supposedly, “Those chords!” Did you ever talk to him about the way you influenced each other?

HARRISON: Yes, and it was just like you were saying. I was at Bob’s house and we were trying to write a tune. And I remember saying, “How did you write all those amazing words?” And he shrugged and said, “Well, how about all those chords you use?” So I started playing and said it was just all these funny chords people showed me when I was a kid. Then I played two major sevenths in a row to demonstrate, and I suddenly thought, Ah, this sounds like a tune here. Then we finished the song together. It was called “I’d Have You Anytime,” and it was the first track on All Things Must Pass.

GW: Paul told me that Rubber Soul was just “John doing Dylan.” Do you think Dylan felt that?

HARRISON: Dylan once wrote a song called “Fourth Time Around.” to my mind, it was about how John and Paul, from listening to Bob’s early stuff, had written “Norwegian Wood.” Judging from the title, it seemed as though Bob had listened to that and wrote the same basic song again, calling it “Fourth Time Around.” The title suggests that the same basic tune kept bouncing around over and over again.

GW: The same cross-fertillization seemed to be going on between the Beatles and the Byrds around that time. Your song “If I Needed Someone” has got to be a tip of the hat to Roger McGuinn, right?

HARRISON: We were friends with the Byrds and we certainly liked their records. Roger himself said that the first time he saw a Rickenbacker 12-string was in A Hard Day’s Night, and he certainly stamped his personality onto that sound later. Wait - I’ll tell you what it was. Now that I’m thinking about it, that song actually was inspired by a Byrds song, “The Bells of Rhymney.” Any guitar player knows that, with that open-position D chord, you just move your fingers around and you get all these little maladies…I mean melodies! Well, sometimes maladies [laughs] And that became a thrill, to see how many more tunes you could write around that open D, like “Here Comes the Sun.”

GW: When you did that tour with Eric Clapton in Japan, you opened with “I Want to Tell You,” from Revolver. The song marked a turning point in your playing, and in the history of rock music writing. There’s a weird, jarring chord at the end of every line that mirrors the disturbed feeling of the song. Everybody does that today, but that was the first time we’d heard that in a rock song.

HARRISON: I’m really pleased that you noticed that. That’s an E7th with an F on the top, played on the piano. I’m really proud of that, because I literally invented that chord. The song was about the frustration we all feel about trying to communicate certain things with just words. I realized the chords I knew at the time just didn’t capture that feeling. So after I got the guitar riff, I experimented until I came up with this dissonant chord that really echoed that sense of frustration. John later borrowed it on Abbey Road. If you listen to “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” it’s right after John sings “it’s driving me mad!” To my knowledge, there’s only been one other song where somebody copped that chord - “Back on the Chain Gang” by the Pretenders.

GW: Around the time of Rubber Soul and Revolver, you met Ravi Shankar and went to India to study Indian classical music, which is full of microtonal slurs and blends. When you came back, your guitar playing became more elastic, yet very precise. You were finding more notes between the cracks, like you can in Indian music - especially on your slide work. Is there a connection there?

HARRISON: Sure, because whatever you listen to has to come out in some way or other. I think Indian music influenced the inflection of how I played, and certain things I play certainly have a feel similar to the Indian style. As for slide, I think most people - Keith Richards for example - play block chords and all those blues fills, which are based on open tunings. My solos are actually like melodic runs, or counter melodies, and sometimes I’ll add a harmony line to it as well.

GW: Like on “My Sweet Lord” and the songs on your first solo album [All Things Must Pass].

HARRISON: Exactly. Actually, now that you’ve got me thinking about my guitar playing Indian music, I remember Ravi Shankar brought an Indian musician to my house who played classical Indian music on a slide guitar. It’s played like a lap steel and set up like a regular guitar, but the nut and bridges are cranked up, and it even has sympathetic drone strings, like a sitar. He played runs that were so precise and in perfect pitch, but so quick! When he was rocking along, doing these really fast runs, it was unbelievable how much precision was involved. So there were various influences. But it would be precocious to compare myself with incredible musicians like that.

GW: When you came back from India, did you intentionally copy on guitar any of the techniques you learned there?

HARRISON: When I got back from this incredible journey to India, we were about to do Sgt. Pepper’s, which I don’t remember much at all. I was into my own little world, and my ears were just all filled up with all this Indian music. So I wasn’t really into sitting there, thrashing through [sings nasally] “I’m fixing a hole…” Not that song, anyway. But if you listen to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” you’ll hear me try and play the melody on guitar with John’s voice, which is what the instrumentalist does in Hindustani vocal music.

GW: Paul told me you wanted to do a similar thing on “Hey Jude,” to echo his vocal phrases on the guitar, and that he wouldn’t let you. He admitted that incidents like that were one of the causes of the band’s breakup. And Ringo said you had the toughest job, because Paul in particular and George Martin as well would sometimes try and dictate what you should play, even on your solos.

HARRISON: Well, you know, that’s okay. I don’t remember the specifics on that song. [pauses] Look, the thing is, so much has been said about our disagreements. It’s like…so much time has lapsed, it doesn’t really matter anymore.

GW: Was Paul trying to just hold the band together, or was he just becoming a control freak? Or was it a little of both?

HARRISON: Well…sometimes Paul “dictated” for the better of a song, but at the same time he also pre-empted some good stuff that could have gone in a different direction. George Martin did that too. But they’ve all apologized to me for all that over the years.

GW: But you were pissed off enough about all this to leave the band for a short time during the Let It Be sessions. Reportedly, this problem had been brewing for a while. What was it that upset you about what Paul was doing?

HARRISON: At that point in time, Paul couldn’t see beyond himself. He was so on a roll - but it was a roll encompassing his own self. And in his mind, everything that was going on around him was just there to accompany him. He wasn’t sensitive to stepping on other people’s egos or feelings. Having said that, when it came time to do the occasional song of mine - although it was usually difficult to get to that point - Paul would always be really creative with what he’d contribute. For instance, that galloping piano part on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” was Paul’s, and it’s brilliant right to this day. On the Live in Japan album, I got our keyboardist to play it note for note. And you just have to listen to the bass line on “Something” to know that, when he wanted to, Paul could give a lot. But, you know, there was a time there when…

GW: I think it’s called being human - and young.

HARRISON: It is…[sighs] It really is.

GW: How difficult was it to squeeze your songs in between the two most famous writers in rock?

HARRISON: To get it straight, if I hadn’t been with John and Paul I probably wouldn’t have thought about writing a song, at least not until much later. They were writing all these songs, many of which I thought were great. Some were just average, but, obviously, a high percentage were quality material. I thought to myself, If they can do it, I’m going to have a go. But it’s true: it wasn’t easy in those days getting up enthusiasm for my songs. We’d be in a recording situation, churning through all this Lennon/McCartney, Lennon/McCartney, Lennon,/McCartney! Then I’d say [meekly] can we do one of these?

GW: Was that true even with an obviously great song like “My..uh.”

HARRISON: "Piggies”? You mean “While My Piggies Gently Weep”? [laughs] When we actually started recording “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” it was just me playing the acoustic guitar and singing it [This solo version appears on the Anthology 3 CD-GW Ed.] and nobody was interested. Well, Ringo probably was, but John and Paul weren’t. When I went home that night, I was really disappointed, because I thought, Well, this is really quite a good song, it’s not as if it’s shitty! The next day, I happened to drive back into London with Eric Clapton, and while we were in the car I suddenly said, “Why don’t you come and play on this track?” And he said, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. The others wouldn’t like it.”

GW: Was that a verboten thing with the Beatles?

HARRISON: Well, it wasn’t so much verboten; it’s just that nobody had ever done it before. We’d had oboe and string players and other session people in for overdubbing, but there hadn’t really been other prominent musicians on our records. So Eric was reluctant, and I finally said, "Well, sod them! It’s my song and I’d like you to come down to the studio.”

GW: So did that cause more tension with the others? How did they treat him?

HARRISON: The same thing occurred that happened during “Get Back,” while we were filming the movie [Let It Be, (Apple Films) 1970]. Billy Preston came into our office and I pulled him into the studio and got him on electric piano. And suddenly, everybody started behaving and not fooling around so much. Same thing happened with Eric, and the song came together nicely.

GW: Yet, rumor has it you weren’t satisfied with your performance on the record. Why?

HARRISON: Actually, what I was really disappointed with was take number one [i.e., the solo version]. I later realized what a shitty job I did singing it. Toilet singing! And that early version has been bootlegged, because Abbey Road Studios used to play it when people took the studio tour. [laughs] But over the years I learned to get more confidence. It wasn’t so much learning the technique of singing as it was just learning not to worry. And my voice has improved. I was happy with the final version with Eric.

GW: Did you give Eric any sense of what you wanted on the solo? He almost sounds as if he’s imitating your style a lot.

HARRISON: You think so? I didn’t feel like he was copying me. To me, the only reason it sounds Beatle-ish is because of the effects we used. We put the “wobbler” on it, as we called ADT. [Invented by a Beatles recording engineer. ADT, or artificial double tracking, was a tape recording technique that made vocals and intruments sound as if they had been double tracked (i.e., recorded twice) to create a fuller sound. The technique also served as the basis for flanging.-GW Ed.] As for my direction I may have given him, it was just, “Play, me boy!” In the rehearsals for the Japanese tour, he did make a conscious effort to recap the solo that was on the original Beatles album. And although the original version in embedded in Beatles’ fans memories, I think the version we captured on the live album is more outstanding.

GW: Want to play rock critic for us and critique his playing?

HARRISON: Ah, well, he started out playing the first couple of fills like the original, and the first solo is kind of similar. But by the end of the solo he just goes off! Which is why I think guitar players like to do that song. It’s got nice chords, but it’s also structured in a way that gives a guitar the greatest excuse just to wail away. Even Eric played it differently every night of the tour. Some nights he played licks that almost sounded like flamenco. But he always played exceptionally well on that song.

GW: You talked about the pluses and minuses of working with Paul. What about John? He was a much looser, more intuitive musician and composer. Did you help him flesh things out?

HARRISON: Basically, most of John’s songs, like Paul’s, were written in the studio. Ringo and me were there all the time. So as the songs were being written, they were being given ideas and structures, particularly by John. As you say, John had a flair for “feel.” But he was very bad at knowing exactly what he wanted to get across. He could play a song and say, “It goes like this.” Then he’d play it again and ask, “How does that go?” Then he’d play it again - totally differently! Also his rhythm was very fluid. He’d miss a beat, or maybe jump a beat…

GW: Like a lot of old blues players.

HARRISON: Exactly like that. And he’d often do something really interesting in an early version of a song. After a while, I used to make an effort to learn exactly what he was doing the very first time he showed a song to me, so if the next time he’d say, “How did that go?” we’d still have the option of trying what he’d originally played.

GW: The melody on side two of Abbey Road is a seamless masterpiece. It would probably take a modern band ages to put together, even with digital technology. How did you manage all that with just four - and eight - track recorders?

HARRISON: We worked it all out carefully in advance. All those mini songs were partly completed tunes; some were written while we were in India a year before. So there was just a bit of chorus here and a verse there. We welded them all together into a routine. Then we actually learned to play that whole thing live. Obviously there were overdubs. Later, when we added the voices, we basically did the same thing. From the best of my memory, we learned all the backing tracks, and as each piece came up on tape, like “Golden Slumbers,” we’d jump in with the vocal parts. Because when you’re working with only four or eight tracks, you have to get as much as possible on each track.

GW: With digital recording today you can also do an infinite number of guitar solos. Back then, did taking another pass at a solo require redoing almost the entire song?

HARRISON: Almost. I remember doing the solo to “Something” and it was dark in the studio and everyone was stoned. But Ringo, I think, was doing a drum overdub on the same track, and I seem to remember the others were all busy playing. And every time I said, “Alright, let’s try another take” - because I was working it out and trying to make it better - they all had to come back and redo whatever they’d just played on the last overdub. It all had to be squeezed onto that one track, because we’d used up the other seven. That’s why, after laying down the basic track, we’d work out the whole routine in advance and get the sound and balance. You’d try and add as much as possible to each track before you ran out of room. On one track we might go, “Okay, here the tambourine comes in, then Paul, you come in at the bridge with the piano and then I’ll add the guitar riff.” And that’s the way we used to work.

GW: “Something” was your most successful song. I think every guitar player wonders, did you get that riff first?

HARRISON: No, I wrote the song on the piano. I don’t really play the piano, which is why certain chords sound brilliant to me - then I translate them onto the guitar, and it’s only C. [laughs] I was playing three-finger chords with my right hand and bass notes with my left hand. And on the piano, it’s easy to hold down one chord and mostly the bass note down. If you did that on the guitar, the note change wouldn’t come in the bass section; it would come somewhere more in the middle of the chord.

GW: But you did play that Beatles-sounding bridge riff in “Badge” on Cream’s Goodbye album, didn’t you?

HARRISON: No, Eric played that! He doesn’t even play on the song before that. We recorded that track in L.A.: it was Eric, plus Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce, and I think the producer, Felix Pappalardi, played the piano part. I was just playing chops on the guitar chords and we went right through the second verse and into the bridge, which is where Eric comes in. Again, it sounds Beatle-ish because we ran it through a Leslie speaker.

GW: Any contemporary bands that strike you as having a bit of the same spark that your early heroes had?

HARRISON: I can’t say I’ve really heard anything that gives me a buzz like some of that stuff we did in the Fifties and Sixties. The last band I really enjoyed was Dire Straits on the Brothers in Arms album. To me, that was good music played well, without any of the bullshit. Now I’m starting to get influenced by my teenage son, who’s into everything and has the attitude. He loves some of the old stuff, like Hendrix, and he’s got a leather jacket with Cream’s Disraeli Gearsalbum painted on the back. As for recent groups, he played me the Black Crowes, and they really sounded okay.

GW: You made music that awoke and changed the world. Could you sense that special dimension of it all while it was happening, or were you lost in the middle of it?

HARRISON: A combination of both, I think. Lost in the middle of it - not knowing a thing - and at the same time somehow knowing everything. Around the time of Rubber Soul and Revolver it was like I had a sudden flash, and it all seemed to be happening for some real purpose. The main thing for me was having the realization that there was definitely some reason for being here. And now the rest of my life as a person and a musician is about finding out what that reason is, and how to build upon it.

GW: Finally, any recent acid flashbacks you care to share?

HARRISON: [laughs] No, no, that doesn’t happen to me anymore. I’ve got my own cosmic lighting conductor now. Nature supports me.

[mondofunnybooks]

'THANOS'S GRANDAUGHTER: GO SUCK EGGS GRANDPA!' DEPT.

'The title means exactly what the words say: NAKED Lunch - a frozen moment where everyone sees exactly what is on the end of every fork.'

-William Burroughs, from the foreword notes for the novel 'Naked Lunch'.

THE GATEKEEPERS!

As may not possibly surprise you lot, we've run afoul of some of the more humourless elements of fandom in our time. This is probably down to the fact that we don't take superhero comics very seriously but are utterly enamoured of some of the more sillier elements of history. True story. We were once told off by a man in Green Lantern fangroup (We were bored.) because we thought that the origin of Kyle Rayner is so nakedly Freudian and 'Will this do?' to be hilarious.

To recap:

On a planet called Oa exists a race of short, bald humanoids with large heads called The Guardians. The Guardians believe in enforcing Order in the universe and go about this by way of selecting the most suitable candidate (called a Green Lantern.) of each sector of the universe to be given a power ring that does whatever the wearer can imagine. This ring had no effect on anything yellow due to a necessary flaw in the design to stop the wearer from having absolute power. Also, it has to be recharged every 24 hours.

Our sector of the universe is 2814, and of the 7200 Lanterns patrolling the universe at any given time, ours was a chap called Hal Jordan. Very strong-willed, very daring. Hal got the ring off an alien called Abin Sur who was on his way to give either him or a ginger bloke with a Moe haircut called Guy. Hal happened to be closer than Guy, so got the ring.

Hal Jordan went onto be a successful Green Lantern for several years but things went terribly wrong when a big yellow space tyrant called Mongul, teaming with a cyborg pretending to be Superman destroyed Hal's home of Coast City, murdering tens of thousands of people and left Hal shattered, feeling he'd failed in his duty as Earth's protector.

The loss of everything Hal cared about sent him insane, and he attempted to resurrect his destroyed home using the power ring, but he could only achieve a replica of what he'd lost and the ring wasn't designed to create that much matter for a presumably infinite period of time. His perceived second failure cemented his full breakdown, and he went on a murderous rampage in order to gather as many Green Lantern rings as possible on the way to returning to Oa is seize the original Green Lantern ring. Things go quite wrong as Hal murders the entire Lantern Corp and all but one of the Guardians: Ganthet.

Ganthet, a wee blue fella cosplaying as Orko off the He-Man cartoons pegs it back to Earth. Once there, he floats to L.A., sees a drunk bloke taking a piss against a wall and gives him the final power ring before sodding off, exclaiming 'The Ring will sort you, mate. No worries.'

A BLUE SPACE MIDGET IN A RED DRESS GIVES A DRUNK LAD ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPONS IN THE UNIVERSE AND THEN FUCKS OFF IS THE ORIGIN OF KYLE RAYNER, GREEN LANTERN OF EARTH.*

This would be weird as a 1960's comic but at least the DC Editors of the '60s had no idea any of this stuff would be reprinted and pored (Hi, Donald.) over by future generations. Supergirl is having a relationship with a fella who turns into her horse but she doesn't know about it? Fine. There's a space creature from the fifth dimension who has a real thing for winding up Superman every ninety days and can only be stopped by tricking him into saying his name backwards? Gotcha. Batman owns a dog who fights crime but wears a mask on patrol so no one will link Ace The Bat-Hound with Bruce Wayne. Of COURSE. Beppo The Super-Monkey? PRINT IT! Who will care in five years? Who will even remember, right?

Green Lantern 50 (2nd series, 1994) was published post Watchmen, post Dark Knight Returns, post Brat Pack and all of the other silly 'Corporate Superheroes Can Be For Adults' malarkey. We were now aware of subtext, metaphor, aspirational text and either this is a daft attempt at being a mature comic (which given it features a nervous breakdown, genocide, the total psychological breakdown of one of the icons of the DCU and the first example of 'Fridging' quite soon after, it ought to be.) or it's a very bad attempt at pitching a superhero comic at the kids.

The real answer was of course that DC were trying to get attention back they'd lost to the Marvel Superstar period and subsequent formation of Image. Superman grew a mullet, Batman needed a wheelchair and was replaced with a religious nutter wearing Vatican levels of gold, Wonder Woman was replaced with a giant legged redhead, The Flash broke his leg. It was all kicking off.

But we always found the whole Kyle thing hilarious, and when making our usual jokes about it ('Good thing Ganthet didn't run into Richard Pryor!', etc.) we were scolded. It turns out the story had been rewritten a bit as part of something called Green Lantern: Rebirth so it made a bit more sense. Lord knows some of our best friends are comic fans, but when they start quoting the continuity of a DC comic with capitals like they WERE reciting THE Bible and Geoff Johns DID make it GOOD, we get a bit scared.

All that was a recap of 5 comics. (Green Lantern 47-50 and Superman 80) and was almost impossible to recap straight. When we tried to give a factual, chronological accounting of these comics, we weren't capable of throwing in a few puns. And circa 1989-1993, nor were the staff of Marvel Year In Review.

When people try to contemplate the early 90's and Marvel, they think of Spider-Man 1, X-Force 1, X-Men 1. If you narrow the field down to Marvel Magazines, probably the movie adaptations, poster specials and most likely the BEAUTIFUL Marvel Illustrated Swimsuit Editions. Few will remember the spectacular Marvel Year In Review annuals. That's a shame, because with one notable exception* it was the last time they displayed an ability to take the mick out of themselves beside the better issues of John Byrne's run on She-Hulk or the comedy title 'What The--?!' (also canceled, sadly in 1993.).

Marvel Year In Review, in theory, was probably originally designed to be exactly that: A chronological overview of every comic published by Marvel over the previous 12 months. That sounds simple enough but can you imagine being the poor saps who not only have to read all those comics but attempt to sum them up as a factual synopsis. The work and time we just put into four issues of Green Lantern was murder and at least interesting things happened in those books. 'Hey, Dwight here's all of Acts Of Vengeance to work out, and see if you can explain what a Captain Universe is and why Spidey might become possessed by his powers, there's a pie in it for you. Barry, you got Atlantis Attacks.' Interns were probably diving out of the window at the sight of editor Bobbie Chase approaching them with a stack of Alpha Flight.

So rather than put out another dry, just the facts ma'am comic to sit along Marvel Age, The Offical Handbook Of The Marvel Universe or Marvel Preview, they changed gears. Marvel opted for a magazine format with covers emulating the likes of Time and later National Lampoon and sadly unnoticed New York-centric mag Spy. The early issues provided something of a review of the year but in journalistic form for some of the bigger events juxtaposed with pieces on 'Best and Worst Dressed' and ads for products like Damage Control, who would sort out your house if it'd been trashed in a fight between The Hulk and The Wrecker, a tourist ad for Latveria, posters for the new Simon Williams film or a flyer for the next Dazzler disco compilation. Long before Alex Ross painted every last rock on Ben Grimm's back, Marvel TYIR gave you an insight into what it would be like to be a resident of the Marvel Universe reading a 616 style issue of National Lampoon.

MYIR also ran interviews with various superheroes, (Including Rick Jones recounting the time he met Elvis, by far the best thing to come out of Infinity Gauntlet/War/Crusade.) a review of Nightcat's debut album, an appetite suppressant for Galactus, the 'Who Died This Year, Who Came Back From The Dead and Who Managed To Stay Dead' update, an expose of Genosha's tourist, a create your own 90's superhero name and origin generator (which turned out to be surprisingly accurate.) an account of two disenfranchised rival employees's visit to the Marvel Offices and ooh, loads more.

This is speculation on our part, but the knife gets a lot sharper around the 1992-1993 editions. The full chronology is written with a weary black humour of someone's who just seen too much and is getting bitter. The full-on assault on the 1993 annuals, certain top-tier artists 'showing their influences too clearly' and inadvertently predicting the future of more brutal and uncaring superhero comics in the article 'Bring On The Bad Guys' from MYIR 1993.

There's a huge shift in attitude and editorial policy in the next 12 months. Several publishers have gone bust, Tom Defalco is gone as Editor In Chief and replaced with 5 people in charge of various parts of the publishing line, turning Marvel into a series of little fiefdoms with varying degrees of co-operation between each other. We've just met Peter Parker's robot parents. Aunt May is about to die. Reed Richards is dead. Jim Wilson is dead. Legion resolves to kill Magneto. Dr Strange has an idea for something called 'The Secret Defenders'. Everything is about to get very serious and therefore far more ripe for parody.

And with no word, no goodbye from the editors, nothing in the fan press nor explanation, Marvel Year In Review 1994 was solicited thusly:

'Marvel Year In Review 1994 - Just the facts, ma'am. Gone is the tongue-in-cheek humor of the past; the Marvel Year in Review offers a factual recap of the major Marvel Universe events of 1994. It's short on lengthy text and long on splashy art and fact-filled sidebars. Included are all the happenings from the pages of X-Men, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four and Ghost Rider, plus art by Andy Kubert, Chris Bachalo, Tom Lyle and many others! $2:95. $4.00 CAN'

And it was. Normal comic size. No chatty opener from the editor with puns and gags. No angry letters from readers just wanting to know what happened in X-Force and wanting to be rid of the MODAM jokes. No ads. Not even, truth be told, much in the way of recaps so much as trade dress-less cover repros with dialogue quotes and a paragraph or two to cover the essential plot elements, finished with the most perfunctory 'Er, will this do?' appeal to the readers on the last page. Turns out that no, it wouldn't do at all, as there was no Marvel Year In Review 1995 or any other edition either.

Marvel has put out a few self-parody books since, such as Marvel RIOT!, House Of Hem, Marvel WHAT Now?, Who Won't Wear The Shield, Wha HUH? and obviously Deadpool crosses the lines frequently, but there's not been something that clever nor ambitious since. Perhaps the line between reader, writer and editor aren't as clear as they used to be or simply today's audience wouldn't be as immediately familiar with the formats being parodied and as the recent attempts to parody Marvel fanfiction have shown, sometimes an idea just belongs to its time. As a magazine that featured fun work by the likes of Todd McFarlane, Dan Slott, Sam Kieth, Peter David,  Kevin Maguire and a different angle on a world that takes itself a little bit seriously at times, Marvel Year In Review was a fun little ride while it lasted.

(Note to self. Never, ever look up Marvel fanfiction again. Ever.)

*This may be different now but was certainly the case in 1994. Origins, histories and such might have changed due to 52, Convergence and Rebirth. We were told that Flashpoint was the end of the DC Universe as we knew it, and we took that as a good place to stop reading. Except Section Eight and Batman/Elmer Fudd obviously.

Dedicated to the memory of Steve Ditko.(1927-2018)

[totallyrhettro]

Another Me, Chapter 4

Word Count: 2125 Rating: PG-13 Warnings: none Summary: This time, Rhett was really going to do it. He had tried maybe a thousand times over the past thirty-odd years to tell Link how he really felt, but this time he was finally going to actually succeed. At least, that was the plan, but when another version of the six-foot seven bearded internetainer appears out of nowhere during their weekend getaway, Rhett’s carefully laid plans are quickly pushed aside. Notes: AU, Present day, Rhett and Link aren’t married

Also available on ao3!

First Chapter Previous Chapter

Rhett was stunned, frozen in place at the sight of his apparent duplicate suddenly lying on the ground before him. Link was in a similar state, having forgotten that he had been recording at all and was letting his camera droop in his hands. The two of them stared at the unconscious man, uncertain what to do or say. If it had only been a subtle likeness they might have laughed it off but this man was nearly identical. Besides he had come out of nowhere and it was blowing their minds.

Finally Rhett, the closer of the two, bent down to check on the stranger. He was still breathing, thank goodness, but otherwise was completely unresponsive. How or why he became unconscious, neither could guess and neither was certain if it was safe to wake him. Luckily for both of them, after a moment or two, the mysterious lookalike suddenly opened his eyes all on his own. Groaning in a strangely familiar voice, the man rolled onto his side rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Shit,” he muttered, leaning on his elbow. “Nick, are you-?” Looking up the stranger stopped short, his mouth left agape, his eyes seeing only one person, the only one that mattered. “Link?” Those eyes, the same shade of aqua-green as Rhett’s, were filled with so many conflicting emotions; surprise and confusion, fear and yet unbridled joy. Link wasn’t sure how to respond at first.

“I’m Link,” he stated. The man knew his name but Link couldn’t decide if that fact made sense or not. This man was a complete stranger but, at the same time, he was Rhett. Who was he?

“I’m Rhett,” Rhett added, introducing himself to his fallen doppelganger. For the first time the stranger noticed him and his whole face changed. The smile that had hinted on the edge of his lips fell away leaving only fear and confusion in its wake. Rhett was pretty sure he’d had a very similar expression on his own face for the past few minutes.

“I-I’m Rhett,” he said, glancing between Rhett and Link as he pulled himself into a sitting position. “Rhett McLaughlin.” Link stepped forward to get a better look, certain his eyes were deceiving him.

“Where did you come from, ‘Rhett McLaughlin’?” he asked, unable to figure out whatever magic trick had made this happen. Rhett found himself at a loss for words, even wondering for a split second if he himself was real. While he fuddled with his existential crisis, the other Rhett was getting to his feet.

“Me?” he demanded, looking at Link. “When did you get here? Did Nick tell you I was here?” He seemed far more interested in Link’s presence here than his apparent copy.

“Nick who?” came the unsatisfactory reply. “Who are you?” Another step forward and this time the other Rhett matched his movement. Face to face the real Rhett felt like he was having a very authentic out of body experience.

‘How hard did I hit my head?’ he thought to himself.

“Did you come here just to fight?” second Rhett wondered, looking hurt.

“I came here with him,” Link answered, pointing at his friend. Then, pointing at the new Rhett: “You appeared out of thin air!” The Rhett’s exchanged glances, both equally confused by the other’s existence.

“How hard did I hit my head?” he wondered, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t understand what-”

“Hey!” A new voice, very loud and very commanding, rang out among the stones and a bright light shined over all over them. The three men, Link and both Rhett’s, shielded their eyes and turned to see a security guard pointing a very bright flashlight in their direction. “You can’t be over there!” Link remembered he was holding a camera and quickly began putting it away. Rhett, both Rhetts, moved nervously towards the light.

Sheepishly the trio approached the guard, because what else could they do? They were an odd spectacle, at least they thought so. Rhett, the original Rhett, led the way while the second was close behind. Link kept looking back and forth between them trying to find some sort of obvious difference other than the new one’s clothes and hair. His hair, the same dirty-blond color of the first Rhett, wasn’t put up in his signature pompadour but brushed to one side. The style reminded Link of when he and his Rhett had filmed the Epic Rap Battle of Manliness, what they approximated was what a suburban dad’s hair normally was like. The beard was shorter too, not overly so but definitely more trim than the one the first Rhett was sporting these days.

“Did you find your phone?” the guard was asking the first Rhett. Rhett blinked before remembering his lie to get here so late. Thomas or possibly Cindy must have spread word that he was looking for it and told the night guard.

“Uh, no,” he admitted. It was kinda true; he didn’t find it because it hadn’t really been lost in the first place.

“That sucks,” commented the guard. After that, the four of them walked back in silence to where a small jeep, painted up with mall cop colors, waited in the parking lot. Apparently Thomas had gotten tired of waiting and left this guard to deal with them.

The ride back to the visitor’s center was awkward, to say the least. The three men- two Rhetts and a Link- spent the whole time staring at one another. Rhett one couldn’t stop staring at Rhett two, Rhett two couldn’t stop staring at Link, and Link couldn’t stop staring at both of them. By the time they got back, Link was convinced that this wasn’t some random lookalike; this man was Rhett’s exact duplicate, at least as far as his height and face were concerned. He wasn’t sure if they had all the same freckles or not.

Once back at the visitor’s center the three men felt like lost puppies, looked quite a bit like them too, standing around not sure where to go. There was still the matter of this Rhett-clone to deal with and he wanted to know where his friend Nick went.

“I don’t think you’re going to find him,” Link told him, unzipping his camera bag again.

“Why would you say that?” came the copy’s reply. Rhett was confused as well, not sure what Link was getting at. Ushering the Rhetts towards their rental car, and making sure there was no one nearby, Link held up his camera.

“I think you two need to see this.” Holding out the camera, the playback screen set in place for them all to see, Link waited until the two Rhetts were ready before he pushed play. The screen flickered a second before the movie started, showing Rhett- the first one -standing in the middle of Stonehenge. He was looking directly at the camera, waiting. Rhett remembered that moment and he was used to seeing himself on camera. The other Rhett watched with great interest as if he still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that the man on screen wasn’t himself.

“Whenever you’re ready,” came Link’s voice from the recording. The original Rhett remembered him saying that but the other Rhett glanced at the brunet between them before turning his gaze back to the camera. The original Rhett was looking at the stone for a moment or two before placing his hands on it, reverently. He stayed there, unmoving, while Link filmed on, unaware of what was happening out of his view.

After a few seconds what could only be described as a shimmer appeared behind him. Something began to form out of nothing, the exact height and shape of him, faint but growing more and more into focus. It was the second Rhett, no doubt about that as it finally solidified. His hands appeared to be mimicking the first Rhett’s motions as he held them out but were touching nothing. Then, once he had completely formed, he collapsed onto the grass, unconscious. The first Rhett turned, startled and the camera began to shake until it eventually turned to face the ground. Link, in the present, turned off the recording.

“I don’t think you’re from this world,” Link whispered, scared of the implications of his own words. The Rhetts on either side of him were flabbergasted, both of them only now realizing the possibilities that this footage had shown them. Aliens? Other dimensions? Magic? If anything this video filled their minds with more questions than answers.

“You… materialized,” the first Rhett finally said, his tone filled with awe. The other Rhett moved to grab the camera before thinking better of it.

“Play it again,” he instructed. He had to see it again; he still didn’t believe it. Link and his Rhett didn’t either and they eagerly watched the video again with him. It didn’t help any of them believe it any more. It was just too incredible it had to be fake, but they knew it wasn’t. They had just filmed it mere minutes ago and there couldn’t have been any special effects added. Not that knowing it couldn’t have been faked helped them believe their eyes any better.

“What does this mean?” Rhett one asked, not really expecting an answer. The second Rhett shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.

“This is a dream,” he insisted. “This- this is a dream.” Link and his Rhett could definitely sympathize, but since they were experiencing the same events they could hardly agree that it was all in this new Rhett’s head. Crazy as it all sounded this was very much not a dream.

“I’m guessing the guards aren’t going to let us back into the place until morning,” the original Rhett began. “I think we should head back to the hotel for the night.” He shrugged. “I doubt there’s much more we can do without examining the stones anyway. Besides,” he added, nodding towards his duplicate. “I’d like to have what I assume is going to be a very interesting conversation with our friend here.”

“Fair enough,” the other Rhett agreed. “It’s not like I don’t have my own questions. Like Link’s hair.”

“What’s wrong with my hair?” Link’s hand immediately went to his wind-swept do. That hinting smile on the new Rhett’s lips was back. Anyone who didn’t know him wouldn’t have recognized it but Link knew him all to well. At least, he knew that face all to well, and the new Rhett had that face so we recognized it easily, too.

“Nothing!” second Rhett assured him. “It’s just... good,” he finished, lamely. “It’s good.” Original Rhett cleared his throat, not liking where this conversation was headed.

“I’ll drive.” Conversation over. Link and the other Rhett followed to where the rental car was waiting. Original Rhett didn’t look at them; he was afraid of what he might read in either of their eyes.

~ ~ ~

Much like the jeep ride, no one spoke all the way from the Salisbury plains to Southampton. Rhett barely wanted to look at anyone and Link had his nose firmly lodged in the camera, watching the scene over and over. The other Rhett would occasionally glance over his shoulder to watch as well but most of the time he was looking at Link rather than the video. Rhett didn’t know who this impostor was but he didn’t like how he was looking at his best friend. He was even more furious that his appearance had ruined his plans. This was supposed to be the night, but now...

“We’re here,” he informed the others, pulling into the hotel parking lot. Second Rhett finally pulled his gaze away from Link to look out the window and see the Holiday Inn loom into view.

"Nick and I were at the Harbor hotel,” he noted quietly.

Once Rhett had parked the three of them headed inside towards their room. As he closed the hotel room door behind him, Link and the other Rhett found places inside to sit down: Link on the couch and copycat Rhett on the deep chair next to it. The copycat seemed to take in the room, especially the two queen beds, with some interest before turning back to the others. The original Rhett sat down next to Link, doing his best to not sit exactly like his strange counterpart, and the three of them exchanged awkward glances.

“Well,” the double shrugged. “Where should we start?” Rhett hated to ask the question that every single fan always asked when he was out in the world alone but right now it was the one quite foremost on his mind. Clearing his throat he let it go.

“Where’s Link?”

Next Chapter

More Fics

[hegagergerk]

My reactions to The Last Jedi

I have mixed feelings about The Last Jedi. There are some aspects of it that I loved, but there was a lot that I really didn’t like. I’ve seen it twice, and each time I left the theater thinking, “Well. Huh. I don’t know what I feel.” I felt this uncertain about The Force Awakens, for comparison, but I left Rogue One knowing I liked it.

I also want it known that I am a fan of Rian Johnson and his work. I LOVE Brick, and Looper was pretty great. So I was pretty excited going into this film.

Perhaps, if this had been the first in a trilogy, I might be able to overlook the parts that I don’t like, as I did in The Force Awakens. But this is the second part - the meat of the story. And honestly, the whole thing felt gamey.

SPOILERS (and unpopular opinions) under the cut.

Pros:

It’s a beautifully shot, visually striking film. 

Adam Driver shirtless

Adam Driver, period. Love that boy

I love what they’ve done with Luke (the grumpy old hermit schtick), and I loved what little time we spent on Ach-To. The location was beautiful, I loved the Caretakers and the Porgs, and I loved Luke’s take on the Force and the Jedi.

Rey Random is the best answer to her backstory and the explanation I was hoping for. I loved the mirror cave sequence. It’s an even better touch that not only were they random people, but they were awful and neglectful. Ouch. Didn’t think they’d go that far.

I love that Rey and Kylo want to fuck each other. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I’m okay with Luke trying to murder Ben and then regretting it, even though I understand why many people are not. I actually really like the exploration of Luke’s character, and the digging into his personality flaws and weaknesses - namely, that he was prideful of his own legacy, which gave him several blind spots with regards to his nephew, and led to his biggest failure as a Jedi. It’s true - it is, initially, out of character, but I think this lapse in judgment was more horrifying to Luke himself for that very reason, and resolves for me, at least, why he would isolate himself like he does. 

I liked Luke’s death. I liked that it’s hinted that he was ready to go, anyway, and he got to go out heroically in the end.

I LOVED Luke and Leia’s reunion. Oh my god. The tears. I just. Can’t get over it. Especially knowing that Carrie Fisher wrote that scene? Fuck me

Cons:

It feels like 3 different films crammed together into 2 ½ hours. One of these films, I very much wanted to watch, but was never given enough of (Rey’s story). Another of these films, I wanted to want to watch, but found myself losing interest as time wore on (Finn’s story). The remaining one - I could have done without entirely, and I ended up resenting completely by the film’s finish (Poe’s story). 

Some of the humor worked, but a lot of it really didn’t - especially the gag about zapping dudes into walls at dramatic/semi-dramatic moments (Hux, Poe, and Finn). Granted, humor is pretty subjective, but for comparison, I either loved or had no issue with the humor in both The Force Awakens and Rogue One.

The preachy bits were REALLY. FUCKING. PREACHY. Like, dude, I agree with the points you’re making, but wow, I’d appreciate if you didn’t insult my intelligence by being so god damned ON THE NOSE about it. I thought this movie was about ~ambiguity~ And yes, I’m talking about the “don’t abuse animals”, “it’s a WAR MACHINE”, and “men don’t respect feminine women” thing. I felt like these moments were 4th-wall-breaking and did nothing to serve the story or the characters, not to mention being out of place in a Star Wars film (Star Wars is cheesy, but not THAT kind of cheesy).

Rey’s part of the story ends about 2/3 of the way in. After her battle with Kylo, she pretty much disappears from the narrative, only making a quick cameo at the end of the film. Seriously. The movie pretty much belongs to the male characters after she confronts Snoke. 

Rey never truly suffers any lasting consequences for her choices, whether emotionally or physically. Compare this to Luke’s defeat by Vader in Empire, which leaves him physically maimed and emotionally broken and betrayed. Rey is sad when she admits the truth of her parentage, yeah, and she’s not happy when Kylo usurps the First Order command, but even if this betrayal devastates her, we don’t get to see her break down under these revelations. It might be hard for Rey to acknowledge her shitty parents, but does verbalizing this hinder Rey in any way? Does it introduce an obstacle that seems impossible to overcome? Is it truly her lowest point? Ask the same questions of Kylo becoming the Supreme Leader, with regard to Rey’s feelings. Is this betrayal on the level of Anakin to Padme? Hell, even on the level of Obi Wan to Luke? Rey wrestles with Kylo over the lightsaber, nopes the fuck out, and then magically appears on the Falcon, hollering jovially about how swashbuckling and fun it is to be gunning down the First Order. In other words, she feels like she’s had an easy time of it. We really needed a scene where she shows some emotional wounds - whether when Kylo is passed out and she’s about to leave him, perhaps looking down at him with longing and sorrow, deliberating on why she should, but can’t, kill him - or whether at the end, sharing pain with Leia. But it’s like her failures don’t touch her or her story.

I’m a huge Reylo stan, but I’ve got to be honest - Kylo and Rey’s dynamic, while easily the most intriguing thing about the movie, ended up being severely underwhelming. Four conversations, and then she’s ready to go-to-bat for him? When they were touching hands in the hut, I literally was like, “Wait. Is that it? Did I blink and miss something?” They chopped Reylo down to the barest minimum of relationship progression, leaving out a lot of story-telling beats that would have bridged the gap between their antagonism and their intimacy. I felt cheated out of their story, and I really wanted to be on board with them, considering their shared loneliness and character comparison/contrast was something I was extremely excited about going into this film. I’ve read one-shot fanfics with more elegant development than this film.

I’m NOT a Snoke stan, nor was I terribly interested in his backstory or in coming up with random ass theories involving his backstory, but damn. Snoke’s abrupt dismissal from the narrative, despite being an awesome scene in isolation, feels cheap retroactively, and I can empathize with the fans who feel let down about his meaningless identity (especially when they were taunted by LF for giving enough of a shit to come up with theories about said character). The truth is that, since the sequel trilogy takes place within an established universe - and Star Wars, at that - we, the audience ARE owed a bare minimum amount of explanation for Snoke’s existence, his power, and his goals. Where was he 30 years ago, when Palpatine was in power? If you can’t at least give me something, my suspension of disbelief is shattered. And no, it’s not my fucking job, as a member of the audience, to fill in the blanks with regards to basic storytelling. At this point, why the hell couldn’t Snoke have been Darth Plageius? Or Palpatine reborn? Or whoever the fuck. If any further context had been given to him, it could only have added some meat to the story - its not like this information would have detracted from Kylo’s killing of him (if anything, it would have made that moment even more awesome). I mean, you had to hold my hand about “evil arms dealers” and “animal rights” and “she wasn’t interested in LOOKING like a hero”, but you can’t give me some damn context for Snoke? And no, I don’t give a fuck that Palpatine had no backstory in the original movies - right, we knew everything we needed to know about him, which was that he was a super powerful Force-wielder who took control of the galaxy. I wasn’t wondering, “Hmm, I wonder where that other super evil bad guy was 30 years ago while he was coming to power!” about Palpatine, because there was no frame of reference for that - and now, with the prequel trilogy, there’s definitely no need. But hey, for Snoke? Yes. Yes, that sort of information is relevant here. Even your most basic bitch casual fan left The Force Awakens wondering, “I wonder what that Snoke guy, who is most certainly older than 30 years of age, was doing three decades ago?”

Finn’s whole story was underwhelming, as much as I liked both he and Rose together. Nothing of consequence came of their story, whether by plot movement or emotional revelations - save that he decided, somewhat sloppily, to die for the Resistance (because he didn’t want to be an apathetic asshole like DJ, or whatever), only to have his choice undermined at the last minute. Nothing about his arc resonated with me. Perhaps because there just wasn’t enough time devoted to him? As much as I hate the whole “Finn is always sidelined uwuwuwu” discourse, I have to agree with them here. Furthermore, I feel like his prior-stormtrooper-ness is totally irrelevant to the portrayal of his character? It was bad enough in The Force Awakens that he didn’t seem affected by having to kill his fellow stormtroopers, and it has continued to be irrelevant in The Last Jedi. I was really hoping for some sort of moment where he and Rose connected over the deaths of Paige and his stormtrooper brethren, people killed while fighting in militaries, whether by choice or by force. This personal soul searching would have been much more poignant than the preachy babble (none with which I disagree, let it be noted) we got. I mean, the revelation that the Resistance and the First Order both get supplied from the same people who vacation on Canto Bight doesn’t really add anything - stakes, revelation, dimension - to the actual story. Like, do I suddenly not care about the Resistance getting blown out of the sky? Should I actually root for the First Order to wipe them out, so that the war will stop? Does this information seriously tempt Finn away from the whole stupid conflict? Does it change ANYTHING for ANYONE? (Hint: It doesn’t). 

I absolutely hate that Poe is being groomed to be Leia’s “good” son. Like, if I could kill something with fire in this movie, it would be this. I absolutely hate that Leia didn’t even spare her son and her brother a backwards glance at the end of the film, when they set off to flee through the caves. Perhaps this wouldn’t sting so much if Carrie were still alive and there was a chance of filming a reunion and reconciliation between mother and son, but that is not to be. 

I hate that Poe, who is NOT a main character, who was a perfectly killable side character in the previous movie, actually has the most dynamic arc in the whole film. Somehow, in a film that is supposed to be about a young woman, and in the midst of several intriguing female characters both old and new, it’s the most boring male character who gets the most agency and screentime. (I love that people were worried that Kylo would usurp Rey, but honesty…it was Poe).

Poe also has a higher kill count than Kylo Ren in terms of people who died because he was a Stupid Male, and yet Kylo Ren is the villain whose redemption is merely teased, as opposed to set into action? I mean, Poe was better at wiping out the whole resistance than the actual Supreme Leader, but nobody thinks he needs a redemption arc? oh, I guess he Learned From His Failures, so its all good.

Anytime someone said “spark”, I died a little inside.

“Hope is like the sun” - kill me now please

Leia spacewalking is an idea that I like on paper, but thought it was awkward in how it played out on screen.

Wow, so, Finn and Rey - two characters I was dying to have reunite - have NO actual dialogue exchanges. But we have enough time for Poe to say Hi to Rey but like Poe is the main character now don’t you know Like, what the fuck.

Okay, venting done.

[nevillelongsbottom]

records at breakfast pairing: charlie x rolf x neville wc: 2570 radio show playlists: charlie and neville, luna and rolf

“That was Paracetamol by Declan McKenna - yes, we haven’t forgotten about him - and that means it’s time for us to wrap up now! As ever, thanks for tuning in, don’t forget to eat breakfast, and have a great day. We’re Charlie and Neville, this has been Don’t you forget about milk on KILV, and we’ll leave you on Why Didn’t You Say That? by The Lemon Twigs; Luna Lovegood and The 12” menagerie on next. See you on Wednesday, Ilvermorny!”

Neville is already waiting by the door when Charlie exits the claustrophobic radio booth, wrapped up with a scarf, smiling lightly, as if he might break by smiling too wide. “That went well,” he says.

“Twitter’s pretty happy about the Glen Hansard song; I think we might’ve unleashed some fans,” Charlie laughs, pulling on his coat and waving to Luna; he always half-wonders if she shouldn’t be hosting a TV show instead, with her wildly eccentric clothes and strawberry earrings. “Hey, isn’t her co-host meant to start today? Where are they?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen anyone,” Neville shrugs, glancing around; just as he’s about to step out to look for the mystery guest, he appears in a flurry of billowing cardigan, wild-eyed and with hair fluffed in various directions. He’s slightly tall, gangly, and shifts restlessly from foot to foot, staring right at Neville and also right through him. “There he is,” Neville says, sounding only mildly surprised.

“I got the lineup changed,” the boy gasps. “Can’t… start with… Rock Me Like a Hurricane…” He wheezes, taking a few hits of a small blue inhaler before straightening up. “Oh my God, you’re Charlie and Neville.”

“That’s us,” Charlie says cheerily. “You must be Luna’s co-host. Nice to meet you; good luck with her.”

“Yeah, I’m Rolf,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “Oh, please help me. Her music choice is off the wall and I haven’t heard a single good thing on campus about the show. It took me half an hour just to try and sort out today’s show.”

Charlie laughs. “You free after your show?” Rolf nods. “Meet me at Starbucks then, and I’ll try and sort something out for you. Nev’s got classes, or he’d help, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Rolf says, turning to the door, pausing for a brief moment to turn. “White Light Doorway is an okay opener, right?”

“Absolutely perfect,” Charlie agrees, trying to stifle his amusement as Rolf enters the studio, a rabbit in the headlights. “Aw, he’s sweet. Here’s hoping he won’t get steamrolled by our dearest Luna.”

Neville clicks his tongue. “I wish we’d opened with Florist.”

--

“You know, I’d never actually heard of these guys until I heard their song in a movie, but I’ve got a feeling you’ll be hearing more of them at breakfast now - that movie is Suburban Gothic, very trippy, check it out; this is Such a Bore by Bass Drum of Death on KILV.”

Charlie leans back in his chair, glancing over at Neville as he shifts his headphones down to his neck. “So, heard the consensus on Rolf and Luna?”

“Everyone I’ve spoken to says they’re brilliant and that Rolf has completely improved the show,” Neville beams, trying to resist the urge to jump out of his seat. “I recorded a few to listen to, and they really are great, aren’t they?”

“Rolf’s sorted the music front, that’s for sure,” Charlie grins.

“What did you even tell him that day? I couldn’t have helped much; I mean, we just play what we like, don’t we?”

“I don’t play everything I like,” Charlie shrugs. “I try to keep it morning appropriate. No one wants to wake up to PUP. But I told him to try and build blocks between songs, as if he were making a playlist: don’t just jump from one extreme to another, but try and flow from one to the other. I also told him to check out what the rest of us play if he wanted to think about radio cohesiveness, but since Pansy and Blaise at six and Sirius on Thursday afternoons don’t, it doesn’t really matter.”

“I like Pansy and Blaise’s show,” Neville muses. “They play cool stuff.”

“Yeah, so I said it wasn’t too much of an issue,” Charlie nods. “It’s swings and roundabouts, I think, as to what Rolf goes for every day. But it’s working pretty well; yesterday’s show was so good someone put all the music on Spotify.” He puts his headphones back on, takes a moment to check Twitter, and leans back into the microphone. “That was Love in the 4th Dimension by The Big Moon followed by Beach Slang and Punks in a Disco Bar. We asked you earlier to text in about your favourite new release. Thoughts, Neville?”

“The right answer to this is The OOZ by King Krule and I’m glad to see that Ernie Macmillan agrees with me,” he jokes. “Though I think Beck’s latest was good, too; it’s getting a lot of airplay on The 12” menagerie, so remember, don’t switch off after we’re done and support our friends, too.”

--

Neville’s afternoons are usually filled with classes, but Charlie has some time to himself after the show which he usually spends studying and either listening to something on Spotify or listening out to Luna and Rolf.

It’s to his surprise, then, when they’re doing a show on crushes featuring text-ins when Rolf admits, the blush audible in his thick accent, to having a crush on “Charlie from the show before us” before dedicating Walking on a Dream to him.

“I know this is totally one-sided,” he says over the airwaves, “but he’s so nice, and he has great music taste - well, that puts me in agreement with most of the campus, for once…”

Charlie fumbles for his phone and shoots a message off to Neville, his stomach doing acrobatics with glee.

(In no world does Charlie expect Neville to send a text in to Rolf and Luna proclaiming his love for Charlie; Rolf’s response to this is Beck’s Debra, which he plays, he says “ironically”.)

--

It’s not in Charlie’s vested interest to host a breakfast show with someone who has feelings for him without discussing those feelings first, and so he meets Neville for pizza in the Italian restaurant by the student apartments, laughing to himself as he hears Pansy’s dulcet tones over the stereo.

“I’m sorry,” Neville says immediately. “I’ve made things difficult for you; I’m so sorry…”

“No,” Charlie says, vigorously, leaning across the table. “I’m glad you told me, cause truth be told, I kinda like you too. It’s just that I like Rolf, too, and the idea that I have to somehow make a choice between you is…” He trails off, not entirely sure where he’s going or if it’s stupidly selfish; he’s never been the target of anyone’s public affection, never mind two people at once, and he wishes there was a handbook on this kind of thing.

“Maybe you don’t have to choose,” Neville suggests, leaning in reciprocally and lowering his voice. “I’ve heard about multiple people dating before, and maybe - maybe we could try it.”

“You think you’re up for that?” Charlie asks, frowning lightly. Neville nods awkwardly. “Okay. Have you asked Rolf?”

“He suggested the idea,” Neville says shyly, looking away. “He found me after the show and we - talked about stuff. Sorry. I should’ve said, but - it’s just kinda hard to suggest that…”

The pizza arrives and Charlie takes a bite, with vigour. “Stop being sorry, Nev! I get it, proposing the idea of a poly relationship or whatever they call it is hard, but I’m down for it, so just - stop apologising.”

“Sorry,” Neville replies out of instinct; for a moment, they look at each other and burst into laughter. “I swear I didn’t mean to do that!” he giggles, only to be interrupted by Charlie’s lips on his; he’s stiff out of surprise but slackens, comfortable, one of Charlie’s hands tucked at the back of his neck and winding in the ends of his hair.

“How long do you think it’s gonna take before that’s made its way round student Twitter?” Charlie asks as he sets back to his pizza, stealing the lemon from Neville’s water.

“It probably already has,” Neville replies.

(He’s not wrong.)

--

“I think the eighties are my favourite decade - I know there’s plenty to be said for the seventies, definitely not the nineties, but I’ve been really enjoying the nostalgia boom right now and I think it’s a phenomenal decade, visually and musically - and, you know, we got our name from The Breakfast Club, so we have a lot to be thankful to the eighties for. Have you guys all seen the second series of Stranger Things yet? Charlie and I binge-watched the whole thing last night. It was so good! I really enjoyed it; Tweet me your thoughts, spoiler-free, at k-i-l-v-milk, and here, suggested by Seamus, are The Human League with Don’t You Want Me.”

Charlie drums on the table. “So, where’d Rolf say we’d meet after class?”

“He said he’d treat us to coffee and cake at the chocolate café. What’s it called? Choco-Latte?”

“I think so. Can’t say I’ve ever really thought about the name, just that the cake is fucking delicious,” Charlie grins. “Did you have an alright sleep last night? All two hours or whatever of it. I’d have asked this morning, but…”

“You were too busy shoving toast in my face,” Neville finishes. “I slept okay, I think. But I kinda just want to watch Stranger Things again. Maybe we should do it with Rolf. I don’t know if he’s ever seen it.” He scrolls through Twitter, raising an eyebrow. “Rolf has just suggested Close to Me.”

“He likes The Cure! Mercy Lewis, we’re playing that one next.” He kicks his chair back over to the desk, prepping for the song to finish; he starts as Neville reaches out to grasp his hand, tightly, looking as if there’s something he’ll burst if he doesn’t say.

“Charlie?” he whispers, looking up shyly. “Yesterday - that kiss - it was my first.”

--

Charlie orders a tad much at Choco-Latte and they take the remainders of his lunch and another few slices of cake back to Rolf’s to finish off; Rolf’s house is a matrix of rich corridors decorated in bright IKEA furniture that doesn’t look like it’s been assembled quite right, a Billy bookcase collapsing by his bedroom and a long-haired cat curled up on top of a cardigan that’s fallen from his clothes horse.

Neville gets a little lost on his way to the bathroom: Rolf’s house is enchanting, interestingly decorated with paintings being sold by strapped-for-cash art students or picked up at art fairs and pinned-up magazine covers and framed records. He stops more than once to reach down and scratch behind the ears of a cat or dog, and he catches a glimpse into Rolf’s airy bedroom where birds sing in a complex of cages.

“The toilet’s that way,” Rolf’s voice chirps helpfully, and Neville starts, spinning around. “It’s okay. I like to look at the birds, too.” He grins, bashfully, as if Neville’s just discovered a secret - but the kind of secret that he wants to be discovered and shared. “Charlie’s going to put on The Breakfast Club, by the way, if that’s alright with you.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Neville nods, turning. “Um… thank you. For this. For coming out with us and letting us in here to watch movies.”

“No problem,” Rolf says, with a smile. “I like you. Both of you.”

Neville is somehow able to find his way back to the living room from the toilet without much more distraction than a hairless cat trying to trip him up, which Rolf spots and removes. “Sorry,” he says, lightly kissing the cat’s head. “This is Leta. She likes to do that. Leta, come on, what did I tell you about bothering people…”

Charlie is on the sofa, cupping a mug of hot chocolate in his hands and singing along to Simple Minds, and so Neville sits next to him, locating his slice of chocolate cheesecake among the menagerie of cocoa and digging into it with a spork.

“Doesn’t he have forks?” Neville asks, frowning. “Or - spoons?”

“I believe that sporks are Rolf’s ideal implement for cake eating,” Charlie replies, grinning and lifting his. “Look! It’s even got a smiley face on it. We should talk about this on the show.”

“It’s silly, but… I would love some of these,” Neville says, smiling back at his spork. “I know that people would just laugh at me, and maybe you would too, but they’re sweet.” Charlie laughs softly - but earnestly, and runs a hand through Neville’s hair, making Neville flush. “W-what?”

“Nothing,” Charlie chuckles, shifting over as Rolf joins them on the sofa. “Whatever happened to these guys? Molly Ringwald was huge in the eighties. More importantly, what happened to John Hughes?”

“He died,” Rolf says, glancing over. “Didn’t you hear? It was a few years ago.”

Charlie’s eyes are wide as saucers as he sits up. “What? No! I missed this news! Not John Hughes - Ferris Bueller was my childhood! Neville! My childhood! It’s been over for years and I didn’t know!” He reaches out, his hand grasping at Neville’s arm and for the briefest moment an electric shock passes between them that stops Charlie in his tracks for a moment as he flinches. “Christ. You’re electric, Nev.”

“Keep your ’lectric eye on me, babe,” Rolf sings, startled as both Charlie and Neville turn to him. “Um… hello.”

“That was the first song we ever played together,” Neville says, softly, his eyes wistful. “On the show. We wanted to play something that felt like growing up, because we were.”

“I didn’t know,” Rolf admits. “It’s just one of my favourite songs, and one of my favourite albums, and I like David Bowie, and…” Neville cuts him off with a kiss, lightly pressing a hand against Rolf’s back and against the fabric of his yellow polo shirt; it’s short, and Neville can’t stop himself from giggling when he pulls back, overwhelmed by everything.

Their hands intertwine, and as they turn back to the movie, Charlie stretches his arm out as far as he can around the pair of them.

--

“Ilvermorny! Good morning to you all, and what a good morning it is indeed. I’ve been having a fantastic time over the last two months, which I know is contrary to the general mood on campus, but why can’t we all feel great, even just for this morning? Buy yourself a cake. Eat a cookie. Splurge on that top you were thinking of buying - it’ll look great.”

“But before you do that, stay tuned,” Neville adds, reaching over for Charlie’s hand. “We’re on for the next hour, and after that, our good friends Rolf and Luna are going to be spinning the best tunes of this year so far. Now, here’s a song for someone special: Apartment by Modern Baseball, a song I don’t think we play enough.”

He lets go of Charlie just long enough to spin around to Rolf, taking up an extra seat in the booth, eyes shining. “Maybe we should go for cake after this,” he says. “And watch-”

“Pretty In Pink,” Charlie says immediately. “We need to watch Pretty In Pink.”

[verdigrisprowl]

Aug 28 Dancitron Movie Night - How It’s Made & Fermat’s Last Theorem

Mixed in with the other How It’s Made videos, Soundwave showed one about how potato chips are made out of the pulp of endangered trees, and one about how ketchup is made out of blood, urine, and cocaine, and they went all but completely unquestioned. Alien robots, ladies and gentlemen.

Prowl was the only one who enjoyed the Fermat’s Last Theorem documentary.

After movie night, Soundwave out-mushed every single mushy thing he and Prowl have ever done together. It was glorious.

Today ItsyBitsySpyers 8:08 pm ((pluto can you work w/ me please)) boomtank 8:09 pm ((apparently it says no ItsyBitsySpyers 8:09 pm ((ffs)) boomtank 8:09 pm ((-pats- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:10 pm ((also hi XD i'll get ic in a sec)) boomtank 8:10 pm ((oh, no worries, Blaster's kinda dead to the world ItsyBitsySpyers 8:11 pm ((ok so it's just pluto and not rabbit in general. welp time to YT playlist)) boomtank 8:11 pm ((that's a good thing Bevel 8:13 pm ((yay for things not being completely broke ItsyBitsySpyers 8:14 pm *Soundwave is stressed, tired, and contemplating something that scares him to death. This seems like a suitable song to start the night's pre-show on while he sits down.* boomtank 8:15 pm -comes in, and all but drops into a seat, looking quite a bit dead tired- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:15 pm *Ah! Must be going around. He nods.* boomtank 8:15 pm -does manage to give Soundwave a wave in response- boomtank 8:16 pm -who would have guessed that setting up a government could be so hard?- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:19 pm *Tell them about it. At least nobody's leaping across the discussion floor to throw punches. ... Right?* boomtank 8:20 pm -..............can he come back to you on that one?- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:20 pm *...Oh dear.* Whirl 8:21 pm *trots in and assumes his usual seat, with a few head-bob greetings* boomtank 8:21 pm -Slag has hit the fan several times over- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:21 pm *Well who let a Dinobot into the government? That was the first bad decision right there.* boomtank 8:21 pm -Right now it would be preferable to have the Dino in there with all the bickering- Swoop 8:22 pm *DID SOMEONE SAY DINOBOT* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:22 pm *Soundwave raises a hand in Whirl's direction. This happens right around the same time the twins jump down on him from above with a shout.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:22 pm *Whether he was waving hello or pointing at them is unclear.* FakeProwl 8:23 pm *appears. takes seat. slouches back.* Swoop 8:23 pm Bird? 😆 Swoop 8:23 pm Bird 😮 boomtank 8:23 pm -Yes. Get your brother out of a government in the making- Swoop 8:23 pm Biiiiirrrd Whirl 8:23 pm *either way Whirl was comfortably seated before DEATH FROM ABOVE and he springs out of the way in a not-too-0graceful but prodigious leap. And if that chair and/or table aren't secured to the ground they're going flying cos of those flailing legs* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:24 pm *Soundwave points to the bundle of plates sitting on a table because what are chairs to the legless.* Swoop 8:24 pm *scampers over to said pile and lays his upper body on the table next to Laserbeak* Hi Bird ItsyBitsySpyers 8:25 pm *Frenzy and Rumble whoop and go flying with the chair and table, but they seem okay despite crashing and rolling. They're giggling.* Whirl 8:25 pm *he will gather up whatever dignity he might have left and approach the disaster area, speaking gravely* Did you two start drinking WITHOUT me or something? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:25 pm *And Prowl gets... he gets a nod and a ping. Because he actually showed up, which was more than Soundwave expected after his talk with the Constructicons.* Bevel 8:25 pm *trundles in* boomtank 8:25 pm -is just going to be watching the crazy stuff from relative safety- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:26 pm \\JUS' A LI'L BIT.\\

//Not me. I'm this dumb natural like.// ItsyBitsySpyers 8:26 pm *They snort and pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and start trying to get things back in order.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:27 pm \\YO, BEV.\\ FakeProwl 8:27 pm *what talk? the constructicons have probably already forgotten it happened. they sure didn't tell prowl.* Swoop 8:27 pm You still a sleeping bird? : > ItsyBitsySpyers 8:27 pm ((i will start in 8 m please get your snacks now)) Bevel 8:27 pm Hey! *waves to the twins* Whirl 8:28 pm Hey, Shovel! *he will assist the twins in re-arranging everything properly and plopping into his chair again* Well. Least you're honest, Rumble. *snickers* FakeProwl 8:28 pm *after a delay, he pings back Soundwave. Soundwave is still acknowledging him. That's a good sign in favor of Prowl not having scared him off.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:29 pm {{Noooo. Bird awake.}} She pinches the beak piece on his helm with a feeler and cackles. {{You Swoop sleeping?}} Bevel 8:29 pm Hi, Whirl. *grins and finds herself a seat near Whirl and the twins* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:29 pm //I ain't never told a lie my whole life.// Swoop 8:30 pm *snickers* Nooooo! No sleeping! Never ever. Swoop 8:30 pm Ratchet say Me Swoop always moving. Whirl 8:30 pm *her company is received with an additional happy head-bob* Is that so? Well. I believe you implicitly. Whirl 8:30 pm You've got an honest face, mech. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:31 pm \\HONEST MEAN "UGLY" IN AUTOBOT OR SOMETHIN'?\\

//Get fragged!// Whirl 8:31 pm Frenzy. You... you remember that you two are TWINS, right? Bevel 8:31 pm *giggles* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:31 pm \\YEAH, 'N I'M THE HANDSOME ONE.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers 8:32 pm *He grins at Bevel. He can hear that giggling. Thank you for backing up his insults.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:32 pm {{Swoop big liar liar, beak on fire. All bot sleep, yes, yes. Even Boss~}} Swoop 8:32 pm Beak on fire LOTS. No lying needed kehehhehh! Whirl 8:33 pm *snorts and leans back* Is there any reason you guys decided to dive-bomb me this evening? Some kind of special holiday particular to your dimension or something? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:33 pm {{Oooo, then you lying more. Then nobody knowing difference. Good trick, neheh.}} ItsyBitsySpyers 8:34 pm \\I SAID THE LIGHTS WAS WAY UP HIGHER 'N EVEN YOU.\\

//'N then he said it'd be good ambushin'.//

\\WELL, IT WOULDA BEEN IF YOU WAS ANYBODY ELSE.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers 8:34 pm //So we climbed 'em. Been waitin'.// Swoop 8:34 pm Me Swoop not a liar. *informatively, not at all put out* Me Swoop tell truth to You Bird. Ask aaaaaanything! : > ItsyBitsySpyers 8:35 pm {{What him Grimlock passwords?}} ItsyBitsySpyers 8:35 pm [[Laserbeak. Stop that.]] Bevel 8:35 pm Tackel-a-whirl Day Swoop 8:35 pm Whatever Ratchet set stuff up with kehehhehheh ItsyBitsySpyers 8:35 pm *"In public," he thinks afterward.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:35 pm //New official holiday Bevel jus' made up.// Whirl 8:36 pm *considers this; ambushing someone because it seems both possible and "like a good idea" seems convincing enough to him* Well, you gave it your best shot. Here's a tip: try it when I'm drunker next time. Whirl 8:36 pm *SNORTS* Well. All right. So be it. That's today then, yes? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:36 pm [[All right. He found more educational videos about Earth products. We will begin with something familiar.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 8:36 pm This message has been removed. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:37 pm *Soundwave cringes ever so slightly. "Hot wheels."* Whirl 8:37 pm *perks up and tilts his head; this is the first time he's catching this series* What's all this? Whirl 8:37 pm ...*and please enjoy the slightest, sly sidelong glance at "hot wheels," Soundwave* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:37 pm \\LIKE. HOW DRUNK? CAUSE I'M GUESSIN' YOU GOT A SPOT WHERE YA FIGHT BETTER LIKE THAT.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers 8:37 pm *Soundwave looks absolutely everywhere but Whirl.* Swoop 8:38 pm *commits fully and climbs on top of the table to lay down around Laserbeak* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:38 pm *She chatters meaninglessly about this, pleased to have a guardian in case that awful three horn shows up.* Swoop 8:38 pm <3 FakeProwl 8:39 pm *leans forward and chinhands at the screen* Whirl 8:39 pm We-eell... it's an issue of RELAXATION. I am a little bit--just a little now--what you call JUMPY. Conditioned to expect an attack at any second of the day. That happens, after a while. You know how it is. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:39 pm [[Ah. Yes. You missed the last time. These are - well, you can see what they are. He tried to find a variety of subjects - and one you might like.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 8:39 pm [[That will be later.]] Whirl 8:39 pm So, you're likely to get the jump. It's just... the drunken consequences might be a little worse. Whirl 8:39 pm *he'll tilts his head at Soundwave, but doesn't say anything; he knows he doesn't have to for Soundwave to sense his inquisitiveness* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:40 pm *They confer over comms.*

//...Maybe we'll stick to ya bein' sober. Don't wanna get the Boss angry.// FakeProwl 8:40 pm *wonders how similar this is to cold construction facilities. Superficially, they look similar, but he doesn't know a whole lot about what goes on at the inside of those facilities. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:40 pm *He was actually hoping Prowl might be able to enlighten him on that subject. He's never seen one either* Whirl 8:40 pm You can always invoke my drunken wrath elsewhere. Consider this--*drpes a claw over his cockpit* An open ivnitation. Whirl 8:40 pm You too, Shovel. You look like you pack a punch. FakeProwl 8:41 pm *he's only had glimpses from news programs and from shortly after his own creation. nothing as in-depth as this.* Bevel 8:41 pm *isn't sure this looks like anything cybertronian she's ever seen or heard about* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:41 pm \\WE TRAINED HER.\\ Frenzy puffs up. \\WELL. BEFORE SHE GOT LOST 'N WENT ALL SOLDIER.\\ Swoop 8:42 pm ((cro you are so enthusiastic in tonight's chat!)) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:42 pm ((rabbit why are you c/ping there and the url at the same time)) Bevel 8:42 pm *punches her palm with a grin* Oh yeah. Whirl 8:42 pm Really? You guys've known each other that long? *he looks between the three of them, with interest* How did you lot meet? Whirl 8:42 pm ((soundwave be like "LOOOOK AT THESE COMPACT DISCS!!!")) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:42 pm ((i'm feelin good)) FakeProwl 8:42 pm ... I wonder if we've ever a program like this. I wouldn't be surprised. Swoop 8:43 pm Me Swoop remember that bubbly computer. Him Chip have one. And! And! It in movie. In... uhh..... Zoolander. Keheheheh. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:43 pm [[He would watch it if one were made.]] Whirl 8:43 pm It is honestly kind of interesting. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:43 pm {{Chip. Him not-Spike Autobot human?}} FakeProwl 8:43 pm I'd like to see something like the last segment on cold construction facilities. Bevel 8:43 pm I was born on Cybertron after the war. My creator let me spend time with them when I was still little and now I can spend time with them all I want. Whirl 8:44 pm *nods gravely; he understands full well why someone would want to do that, Bevel* Swoop 8:44 pm YAH! Him Chip have wheels. Him Chip and Her Carly smart. Them hang out with Ratchet and Wheeljack. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:44 pm {{Oooo, him. Bird remembers. Him Ravage steal. Neheheh.}} Swoop 8:45 pm Ravage steal Chip? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:45 pm =Not ME.= Swoop 8:45 pm Keehee Whirl 8:45 pm I had no idea you lot went that far back. I'll be damned. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:46 pm //Well, I mean. It ain't, like. It's - Bev, you explain. I ain't good with time scrap.// ItsyBitsySpyers 8:46 pm *Soundwave glances at Prowl.*

(txt): Facilities still exist? Whirl 8:46 pm *leans back a bit* Ravage! Any chance I could get a drink to go with this history lesson? I got an idea how to pay you back, and it's a doozy. Bevel 8:46 pm Um, oh, I got stuck in other universes for a really long time. For me. Not them. So they did not really spend a lot of time with me growing up after I got lost. FakeProwl 8:47 pm Not anymore. Most were probably destroyed during the war, and any that weren't would have been erased when the world reset. Swoop 8:47 pm Chip nice to Dinobots. Him make funny joke sometime. Her Carly Dinobot friend too. Him Spike and Him Sparkplug ok. Them more Autobot friend. Not Dinobot friend. Her Carly Dinobot friend! FakeProwl 8:47 pm *saw that note* Bevel 8:47 pm Magnets! FakeProwl 8:48 pm *... WILL like this one. magnets~* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:48 pm *Ravage rumbles.*

=What's your offer?= Whirl 8:48 pm *nods* Multiverse shenanigans, then. I'm pretty well-acquainted with those. They're why I'm here. ...*pause* And also why I'm very nearly NOT here. Bevel 8:48 pm *has an appreciation of magnets since they can be quite useful in engineering so this is neat* Whirl 8:49 pm @R: This will need to wait until the end of the night, for obvious reasons, but... I need to prove a point. So you wanna just take a hunk off my leg? I need you to let me know the taste, too. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:49 pm *Ravage's optics go wide open and bright, BRIGHT yellow.* Swoop 8:49 pm FIRE :V Swoop 8:50 pm *double fist pump* Swoop 8:50 pm *for fire AND hitting things with a stick* Bevel 8:50 pm I am still really surprised I got back here and now that I know where it is I can come and go all I want. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:50 pm {{Dinobot got more friend than Autobot, heh. Best friends, too. Dinobot Swoop got Bird friend.}} ItsyBitsySpyers 8:50 pm @Whirl: = We will talk.= ItsyBitsySpyers 8:50 pm *He'll go get that drink.* Whirl 8:51 pm *salutes Ravage gleefully* Swoop 8:51 pm *opens his mouth to argue the point and hten immediately goes hurrrr instead at "Bird friend"* Yeah-ha Whirl 8:51 pm Right on, Bevel. I've no idea how to get back to my own dimension. Doubt I ever will. Swoop 8:51 pm BIrd is BEST friend! ItsyBitsySpyers 8:51 pm *Soundwave's mostly just. Watching Prowl watch this one. Quietly.* Bevel 8:51 pm Aw. I hope you do if you ever want to go back. Whirl 8:52 pm Nah. I'm in no hurry. I don't miss it, and I won't be missed. *waves a dismissive claw* FakeProwl 8:52 pm *poker face. but a very attentive, slightly-brighter-opticked poker face.* Whirl 8:52 pm I'd be leaving more important things behind if I went BACK rather than if I STAYED. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:52 pm //Ah, c'mon. SOMEBODY gotta miss ya.//

\\WE WOULD.\\ Bevel 8:52 pm Then I am glad you stayed. Whirl 8:52 pm Well--yeah. That's what I meant. You're HERE, not there. Bevel 8:52 pm I would miss you. Who else is going to call me Shovel? FakeProwl 8:53 pm *there was a cog-shaped magnet. prowl wants a cog-shaped magnet.* Swoop 8:53 pm That not blue Swoop 8:53 pm That white ItsyBitsySpyers 8:53 pm {{Heh heh.}} Whirl 8:53 pm *snickers* A damn good question. Bevel 8:53 pm Sparks have electromagnetic frequencies. I wonder if you could make a magnet with one. *bevel no* Swoop 8:53 pm MMMM but BLUEstreak not BLUE either Swoop 8:53 pm Bird Swoop 8:53 pm Why blue things not blue? FakeProwl 8:54 pm ... You'd have to figure out a way to channel the frequency THROUGH the future magnet. Whirl 8:54 pm *but he will nudge the twins; he knows you two would miss him. But before he can think of anything to say that's suitably personal he's distracted by this gelatinous milk what the HELL* Whirl 8:54 pm ...I wonder if Killer would like that stuff. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:54 pm *...He likes seeing Prowl enjoying himself like that. Watching things attentively and - now getting into the subject with Bevel. It's... it's... something.* FakeProwl 8:55 pm *would be more bothered by the gelatinous milk if he had any conception that whirl shouldn't be gelatinous* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:55 pm {{Maybe that bad batch. Them selling real blue cheese.}} ItsyBitsySpyers 8:55 pm ((....jello whirls)) Whirl 8:55 pm ((OH NO PROWL)) Bevel 8:55 pm Channeling energy from a spark sounds painful. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:55 pm \\HE'S SPANKIN' THE CHEESE?\\ FakeProwl 8:55 pm *YOU'VE GOT NO IDEA, BEVEL* Swoop 8:55 pm You Bird talk to Soundwave. You get Dancitron have "blue" drink not blue keheh Whirl 8:55 pm ((the next m!a. Jellywhirl)) Whirl 8:56 pm *SNRK* FakeProwl 8:56 pm It would probably take a very small amount of energy to make a proper magnet, though. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:56 pm //Ain't... ain't mold, like. Rot? Organic rust?// FakeProwl 8:56 pm And it IS possible to channel spark energy... Whirl 8:56 pm *as soon as he has that drink, he's going to hoist it to toast the table* To the multiverse. When it's not trying to kill us. *and he will take a nice, long swig* Whirl 8:57 pm I don't know enough about it... but Killer likes peanut butter. So maybe it'd like cheese? Bevel 8:57 pm Maybe it would not hurt as much since it only needs a little energy. Like a pulse or something. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:57 pm \\WHY ARE THEY LETTIN' IT GO BAD? DON'T THEY WANNA SELL IT? THE FRAG?\\ Swoop 8:57 pm Mold is bad thing. Her Carly throw out all food in fridge for humans in Ark. Her say "You guys bad, all food old old moldy!" Then smack Spike on back of head keheheh. FakeProwl 8:57 pm And it IS possible to channel spark energy... ItsyBitsySpyers 8:58 pm *Rumble and Frenzy raise imaginary glasses and shout "Hear, hear" at Whirl's toast* FakeProwl 8:58 pm *he could make his own magnets at home out of his own spark* FakeProwl 8:58 pm *............ after it's recovered. it still hasn't recovered.* Bevel 8:58 pm I can control my spark some. I bet I could make a magnet if I tried. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:58 pm [[Please do not expose sparks in the club.]] Bevel 8:58 pm Not here. FakeProwl 8:58 pm ... Bring your results if you ever succeed. Bevel 8:58 pm Ok! Swoop 8:59 pm Bird make music : > ItsyBitsySpyers 8:59 pm {{You ask her Carly why mold cheese.}} Swoop 8:59 pm K boomtank 8:59 pm -perks up- ItsyBitsySpyers 8:59 pm {{Bird make good music, yes, yes~ All self.}} ItsyBitsySpyers 8:59 pm *Soundwave's turn to be distracted and watch.* Swoop 8:59 pm Bird good at LOTS of things! But really really at music stuff : > FakeProwl 8:59 pm Maybe cheese with mold is the same concept as rust sticks. Usually it's bad, but with the right strains in small enough doses with controlled ingredients, it's safe. Swoop 8:59 pm And sneaky stuff kehehheh FakeProwl 9:00 pm *... sounds can have brightness and warmth??* FakeProwl 9:00 pm *now assumes that pipe organs give off light and heat* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:00 pm ((PFFFF)) Whirl 9:00 pm *THIS is more his speed; this is ART* Whirl 9:01 pm *he's going to watch with notably more attentiveness* boomtank 9:01 pm ((poor prowl boomtank 9:01 pm ((getting the wrong idea ItsyBitsySpyers 9:02 pm //Pff.// Bevel 9:02 pm *giggles* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:02 pm [[Really, Rumble.]] FakeProwl 9:02 pm *instruments are so complicated. Who thinks of these things? somebody comes up with these wild ideas.* boomtank 9:02 pm -definitely more interested in this one, it's an instrument- ItsyBitsySpyers 9:02 pm *Geniuses. Geniuses he would give anything to watch and record.* Swoop 9:03 pm How Bird does music stuff? FakeProwl 9:03 pm *prowl's thinking "geniuses" is probably accurate.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:03 pm {{Bird making self sounds, yes. Sometimes instrument. Mostly gear, plate, other inside piece.}} Bevel 9:04 pm It looks almost as cool as the marble instrument. Swoop 9:04 pm That upgrades, mods, stuff? Or Bird just smart at doing stuff? Kehhehh FakeProwl 9:04 pm ... I didn't see where the organ produces the light. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:04 pm [[He loves the marble instrument.]] boomtank 9:04 pm ....I want one now. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:04 pm [[The organ does not produce light.]] Whirl 9:05 pm *his optic expands and he stares* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:05 pm {{It secret. Bird not tell.}} FakeProwl 9:05 pm The video said it does. boomtank 9:05 pm ...what? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:05 pm [[...When?]] Whirl 9:05 pm ((if u left me a message i missed it sorry WAS GRABBIN POPCORN I GOT BACK JUST IN TIME)) Bevel 9:05 pm I want to make a marble instrument but I am not very good at music. Swoop 9:05 pm Sneaky bird : > FakeProwl 9:05 pm When it was describing the metals used. Tin assists in the production of brightness and lead produces warmth. FakeProwl 9:05 pm Obviously, the heat wouldn't be visible, but we should have seen the light. Whirl 9:06 pm *very softly* Now the tourbillon... boomtank 9:06 pm Not what it meant by that Whirl 9:06 pm *nods* Swoop 9:06 pm Oh it very small thing Bevel 9:06 pm Tiny engineering! FakeProwl 9:06 pm *oh, the watch gears are fun to watch* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:06 pm *Rumble watches Whirl and the video by turns. He heard about this stuff from the Boss. This might've been his idea.* Whirl 9:07 pm *he doesn't seem to notice he's being watched* Whirl 9:07 pm The bridge next... Swoop 9:08 pm *sloooooooooowly reaches out with the tip of one talon to poke Bird's side where her feelers are* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:09 pm [[It is a word used to describe the timbre of the sound. It refers to the high-frequency content of each sound. A representation of ideas, not a direct translation.]] FakeProwl 9:09 pm *someday it might be nice to have a very precise clock with the moving parts visible. FakeProwl 9:09 pm ... So it's just high-pitched sounds? Whirl 9:09 pm *seems to come back to himself at last and hastily takes adrink* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:11 pm [[...Loosely, he supposes. He thinks of it as the feeling they produce when heard. He can demonstrate later if you wish.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 9:11 pm *Rumble watches the drink and wonders if maybe this wasn't a good idea. Whirl's been drinking a lot more lately...* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:11 pm *Laserbeak huffs and pinches the talon. You stop that.* Whirl 9:12 pm Heh. Always liked that. "Rotor." Whirl 9:12 pm *fear not, Rumble, the hasty drink was to cover his tracks* FakeProwl 9:12 pm ... All right. *he has no other plans after work.* Swoop 9:12 pm Keehee <3 <3 <3 FakeProwl 9:12 pm ***after stream* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:13 pm //...How's a dirt speck fail it?// FakeProwl 9:13 pm ... Hold on, the watch is self-winding? It powers itself by—by jiggling a little? Bevel 9:13 pm Clocks are cool. Whirl 9:14 pm A watch that small--everything has to be precise. Painstakingly precise. Whirl 9:14 pm And yeah--more or less, prowl. Whirl 9:15 pm You can build a watch that uses your own motion to wind the mainspring. Bevel 9:15 pm It even rings. That is really neat. FakeProwl 9:15 pm ... Huh. *THAT'S BRILLIANT AND HE'S AMAZED.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:15 pm @Whirl: //...You charged that much for yours?// ItsyBitsySpyers 9:16 pm *Implied compliment ahoy.* boomtank 9:16 pm ((and have the possibility of getting stuck in the corner of your eye boomtank 9:16 pm ((like mine just did. Excuse me a sec ItsyBitsySpyers 9:16 pm ((oh dear)) FakeProwl 9:16 pm ((why's it gotta do you like that)) Whirl 9:17 pm *he stares down at the glass in his claws for a few moments. Rumble's comment draws him out of it, though* @R: Mm? I dunno the conversion rates, but... I mean, probably comparable. Maybe a little more, depending. *another pause* My stuff was may more complicated and ornate than THAT. Whirl 9:17 pm @R: Not that it wasn't a nice chronometer. FakeProwl 9:18 pm *prowl did not know until now that humans put extra lenses on top of their eyeballs* boomtank 9:18 pm ((got the fragger boomtank 9:18 pm ((and it apparently hates me Whirl 9:18 pm *nods to prowl* Remember when it mentioned the "rotor?" That's part of it. That's how you know you got a self-winding mechanical chronometer. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:18 pm *They have a rough idea of what that's worth because of what their Boss does to acquire equipment from Earth. Rumble's visor flares bright in shock. And admiration.* Whirl 9:19 pm *with a touch of humor* Even watches are better with rotors. Heh. FakeProwl 9:19 pm Huh. So that would only work with wearable watches, correct? Not wall clocks. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:19 pm \\HEH.\\ FakeProwl 9:19 pm ... Unless you live somewhere earthquake-prone, I suppose. Whirl 9:19 pm If you had a clock that was moved around, it could work. It relies on moving the rotor around a pivot--the shift in weight is what does it. FakeProwl 9:20 pm Hmm. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:20 pm ((and now for a little fun...)) Whirl 9:20 pm *glances to Rumble; he saw that* @R: Probably seems steep, but business was good. Whirl 9:20 pm ((gimme dem prangles)) Whirl 9:20 pm ((omg HAHAHA)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:22 pm [[...Why?]] FakeProwl 9:22 pm *potato chips are made out of trees, not potatoes?* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:22 pm [[What is the purpose of the second line?]] FakeProwl 9:22 pm So a second worker can pat the chips instead of making one worker lean too far to reach the others? Bevel 9:22 pm Why do they use endangered stuff? Whirl 9:22 pm ... ItsyBitsySpyers 9:22 pm [[He supposes that makes sense. And humans are wasteful.]] FakeProwl 9:23 pm Perhaps the trees weren't endangered before they started to be used to make potato chips. Whirl 9:23 pm *he's gonna ask Hiro about this. He's pretty sure he doesn't eat tree pulp* Whirl 9:23 pm *but... it's possible...* FakeProwl 9:23 pm Maybe they consume the chips at a faster rate than the trees can regrow. Bevel 9:23 pm Oh. That makes sense. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:23 pm *He's seen human spies eat paper in movies all the time.*& FakeProwl 9:24 pm *humans can eat basically any plant and animal that isn't actively poisonous.* FakeProwl 9:24 pm ... What's a wig? FakeProwl 9:24 pm *besides something that goes on the head, apparently. some kind of hat?* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:24 pm [[He doesn't know. That is why he picked it.]] A wise nod. FakeProwl 9:24 pm I see. *sensible.* FakeProwl 9:25 pm *so far, he's thinking fancy hat.* Swoop 9:25 pm Wig in movie for sneaky hide spy stuff : > Bevel 9:25 pm Hair. FakeProwl 9:25 pm *... a fancy hat of hair?* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:25 pm \\VENETIAN BLIND? DON'T THAT GO ON WINDOWS?\\ ItsyBitsySpyers 9:26 pm //I feel kinda dirty watchin' that.// ItsyBitsySpyers 9:26 pm //Like there oughta be clubs for that or somethin'.// Whirl 9:26 pm Is... this a thing? Where you're from? *glances to him; Whirl already knows that you lot have some weird mouth stuff going on* FakeProwl 9:26 pm *has to glance down for a second. that's a lot of strands to watch moving* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:27 pm //...What, smackin' hair around? No. But it's the whole - floggin' thing.// Whirl 9:27 pm Ohhh. Right. That makes more sense. ...I think. *peers* FakeProwl 9:27 pm *... safe to look again? looks safe.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:27 pm *He shrugs. He only sort of knows about that.* FakeProwl 9:28 pm ... humans wear fake hair on top of their real hair?? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:28 pm \\SO HE'S MAKIN' HAIR RUGS.\\ Whirl 9:28 pm Huh. That's kind of... neat. FakeProwl 9:28 pm ......... Why? boomtank 9:28 pm Cool Bevel 9:28 pm Some humans do not have hair. Maybe they wear them to fit in? Whirl 9:28 pm Costumes. Disguise. Whirl 9:28 pm That's my guess, anyway. FakeProwl 9:29 pm Humans can paint their hair, though. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:29 pm *Buzzsaw heard the word "art". He nyooms down for a second.* FakeProwl 9:29 pm ((ohhh i love glassmaking)) Bevel 9:29 pm *oh hey Buzzsaw* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:30 pm //I swear these ain't real words.// Whirl 9:30 pm Punty. Swoop 9:30 pm This look fun Swoop 9:30 pm smelty drop glass Whirl 9:30 pm Hey, Swoop! ItsyBitsySpyers 9:30 pm {{You do?}} Swoop 9:30 pm Hi : > Whirl 9:30 pm *points* You're a real punty, you know that? Swoop 9:30 pm keehehehheehehh Swoop 9:31 pm YAH Whirl 9:31 pm *snickers back* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:31 pm //How come it don't lose color?// Whirl 9:32 pm Couldn't tell ya, mech. I don't know anything about glass. Bevel 9:32 pm Whoa. Swoop 9:32 pm Me Swoop want to eat them 😮 Whirl 9:32 pm *this is very interesting. Art that's done entirely hands-off, so to speak* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:33 pm }}Primitive. But beautiful.{{ ItsyBitsySpyers 9:33 pm *Zoom! Back to his sculpture.* FakeProwl 9:33 pm *is reminded of the silica case he told Soundwave about* Bevel 9:34 pm *bye Buzzsaw* Swoop 9:34 pm Bite it ItsyBitsySpyers 9:34 pm ((this one's a little gross, idk if anyone needs to temp step out but if you do that's ok)) Whirl 9:34 pm ((:O )) Swoop 9:35 pm *leans in a little bit to nom Bird, pauses when he remembers BIrd is not a Dinobot..... do not Dinobots gnaw on each other for a joke/entertainment? Hmm.....* FakeProwl 9:35 pm ((it looks like bologna)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:36 pm ((...ew)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:36 pm {{...What you doing.}} Whirl 9:36 pm *squints* This... definitely isn't a food, right? FakeProwl 9:36 pm *leans over to Soundwave* Cybertronian glass artists don't do it at a distance like that. Swoop 9:36 pm Bite? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:36 pm \\NAW. IT'S MEDICINE. LIKE MESH GRAFTS.\\ Whirl 9:37 pm Huh. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:37 pm *A lean? With a message for him? But that's - that's so much closer than before. Isn't he - is he not afraid?* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:38 pm *Soundwave debates whether or not shifting closer to better hear Prowl is a bad idea. What if it scares him of-- no. It's an avatar. Of course. It's okay.* FakeProwl 9:38 pm *why would he be afraid? ... other than the usual obvious reasons that he doesn't think about.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:38 pm *The usual obvious reasons that he doesn't think about.*

(txt): ...Prowl watched?

*He's seen Buzzsaw work with it, and mechs all over Harmonex, but this is a surprise. Prowl's never indicated an interest in art.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:39 pm {{Swoop bite, Bird zap.}} It's not friendly sounding. FakeProwl 9:39 pm No, but I learned a little bit during the case were we arrested one. Swoop 9:39 pm :V Swoop 9:39 pm *why??? Bird???? mad?????* FakeProwl 9:40 pm His hands were coated with... I think it was platinum, so he could hold the molten glass without his hands melting. Swoop 9:40 pm *sets his chin on the table* No Swoop biting ItsyBitsySpyers 9:40 pm {{Good Swoop.}} Pat pat. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:40 pm //Uh.// ItsyBitsySpyers 9:40 pm (txt): Prowl has image? Whirl 9:40 pm *peers* Whirl 9:40 pm What did he say this was again Swoop 9:41 pm Keehee ItsyBitsySpyers 9:41 pm //Catch-up?// Whirl 9:41 pm And what is "cocaine," anyway? Bevel 9:41 pm Cocaine? FakeProwl 9:41 pm *hold on. he's watching this video.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:42 pm \\...SO ROT, WOOD, 'N BLOOD? UM. ARE HUMANS OKAY?\\ FakeProwl 9:42 pm *this video that claims ketchup is made of blood, cocaine, and urine.* FakeProwl 9:42 pm *a pause. and very confidently, he says,* This video is mistaken. Cocaine is illegal. Swoop 9:42 pm *touches the tippy tip of his talon to BIrd's wing* Whirl 9:42 pm But what IS it? Bevel 9:42 pm It is? FakeProwl 9:42 pm It's a narcotic. Humans aren't permitted to possess, produce, or use it. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:42 pm [[Perhaps it is black market catch-up?]] FakeProwl 9:43 pm If it were from the black market, it wouldn't have been recorded for a show like this. Whirl 9:43 pm I... all right. I'm not an expert on humans. But considering that this sort of thing is what they'd make horror movies about... I kinda doubt this is accurate. FakeProwl 9:43 pm I served on Earth, undercover as a police car. People were arrested for having and using cocaine. That part is DEFINITELY false. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:44 pm This message has been removed. FakeProwl 9:44 pm *that's it, that's what prowl has a problem with. not the human blood or the souls of the damned.* Bevel 9:44 pm I hope the blood stuff was false. That seems bad. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:44 pm //Hey, he remembered!// Whirl 9:44 pm Hm? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:44 pm [[...He will have to fact check this later. Perhaps the narrator was mistaken.]] FakeProwl 9:45 pm Maybe. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:45 pm //We asked for gold last time cuz the Boss did silver.// Swoop 9:45 pm Oh! Bird. Look! It cave. FakeProwl 9:45 pm ......... Or maybe the ketchup wasn't destined for an American market. Whirl 9:45 pm Oh. Gotcha. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:45 pm [[It is not a universal rule?]] boomtank 9:45 pm Explosives? Swoop 9:45 pm Him Beachcomber is geologist ItsyBitsySpyers 9:46 pm \\EXPLOSIVES.\\ Happy sigh. FakeProwl 9:46 pm Human laws vary between nations. I don't know about cocaine specifically, but I do know they have different drug laws in different nations. Some legalized things that are illegal in the United States. boomtank 9:46 pm Ah. Oh wow... Whirl 9:47 pm *returns to contemplating his glass, and his claws clamped around it* Swoop 9:48 pm Wheeljack say Dinobot cave feel like smelter ItsyBitsySpyers 9:48 pm *"Whose"? The smelter is alive?* boomtank 9:48 pm What about the other materials? Swoop 9:48 pm KEHEHEHEHHEHHH Swoop 9:48 pm SLAG Swoop 9:48 pm KEHEHHEHHHEH ItsyBitsySpyers 9:48 pm [[Again: humans are wasteful.]] FakeProwl 9:48 pm *JEEZ, humans. don't use that kind of language.* boomtank 9:49 pm -sighs- Swoop 9:49 pm Slag residue kehehhhehheh FakeProwl 9:49 pm Ah. This video takes place in Canada. Bevel 9:49 pm How do they refine it ItsyBitsySpyers 9:49 pm //...I'm hungry.// FakeProwl 9:49 pm Perhaps the ketchup video happened in Canada too. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:49 pm [[You should find the Canada... ite? Laws.]] boomtank 9:49 pm Burn it more? Swoop 9:49 pm BURN MORE Bevel 9:50 pm Lots of burning. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:50 pm *Searches through his dictionary.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:50 pm [[Canadian.]] Whirl 9:51 pm Huh. Uncanny. FakeProwl 9:52 pm *... so humans put fake lenses over their eyeballs, they put fake hair hats over their hair* boomtank 9:52 pm That is some attention to detail FakeProwl 9:52 pm *... are these "wax figures* going to be used as suits to put on top of people's skin* Swoop 9:52 pm Neck crust ItsyBitsySpyers 9:52 pm //Removes crust at the neck sounds like a doctor problem.// ItsyBitsySpyers 9:53 pm \\LISTEN, I AIN'T DOIN' NO NECK CRUST REMOVIN'. SWOOP, YOU CAN DO THAT.\\ Whirl 9:53 pm *snickers* Swoop 9:53 pm Burn it Windchill 9:54 pm *Appears* Windchill 9:54 pm *Sees Whirl.* Swoop 9:54 pm ((4 weeks fuck off)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:55 pm [[...Why don't they just give it a wig?]] FakeProwl 9:55 pm ... So the process of putting hair in a wax figure's head takes four weeks. But— yes. That. FakeProwl 9:55 pm A wig only takes fifty hours. Windchill 9:55 pm *Penguin waddles as if his joints had fused together.* Whirl 9:55 pm *swivels his helm to regard Windchill* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:55 pm [[It is inefficient.]] Windchill 9:55 pm *PENGUIN NOISES.* FakeProwl 9:55 pm Indeed. Bevel 9:55 pm Too much time. FakeProwl 9:55 pm ... maybe they charge their clients by the hour. boomtank 9:55 pm Yikes Whirl 9:55 pm What happened to YOU? ItsyBitsySpyers 9:55 pm [[That's quite a racket.]] Glance. [[Hello, Windchill.]] FakeProwl 9:55 pm ... They replace their knees, too? FakeProwl 9:56 pm Is there anything on a human that's original? Bevel 9:56 pm *on that note, Bevel's off, probably to gather things and prepare to make a magnet with her spark* Windchill 9:56 pm *Shakes his head with more annoying BRRRRRRRR sounds.* Whirl 9:56 pm Seeya, Shovel. Swoop 9:56 pm > .> Bevel 9:56 pm Bye, everybody! Swoop 9:56 pm <.< Whirl 9:56 pm *eyes Windchill evenly* You can sit with us if you stop that. I am getting EDUCATED, thank you very MUCH. boomtank 9:56 pm Bye! Windchill 9:57 pm *Penguin noises at Bevel in passing.* Swoop 9:57 pm *scritches Bird's back* Windchill 9:57 pm *Tilts his head, appearing to think it over.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:58 pm *Bird hums happily. Get all the itches, minion.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:58 pm *And a belated nod as Bevel leaves.* Swoop 9:58 pm Them finding dinosaur bone Windchill 9:58 pm *Okay, he'll stop being a penguin and sit.* Windchill 9:59 pm *Even if he looks totally like a penguin.* Whirl 9:59 pm Anyway... I'm guessing organic parts wear out quicker. Need prosthetics more often than we do. Whirl 9:59 pm *a gracious nod at Windchill* Swoop 9:59 pm *also <3 <3 <3 <3 at Bird's hums* Windchill 9:59 pm Sterilized. Windchill 9:59 pm *He's a parrot now.* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:59 pm [[Meat and bone -are- fragile.]] FakeProwl 10:00 pm *ping to Soundwave; the picture asked for earlier. A set of disassembled hands, photos from an autopsy* Windchill 10:00 pm Blood clots. Whirl 10:00 pm *going to take a nice, long pull from his drink* Windchill 10:00 pm *Actually he's not going to sit.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:01 pm *...Do they actually have the platinum on them or... did Prowl just. Send him disembodied hands?* FakeProwl 10:01 pm *one hand has smooth, rounded fingertips; the other had rigid, rectangular fingers, and the gripping surfaces on each finger have different textures. There are traces of different-colored glass caught in the grooves of those gripping surfaces.* FakeProwl 10:01 pm *they have platinum.* Windchill 10:01 pm *He took a bath and so he has to get dirty again; he's gonna lay on the floor like a giant bearskin rug.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:01 pm *Nice try. Soundwave keeps this place CLEAN.* FakeProwl 10:02 pm *police badges. Pays attention and mentally prepares himself to ignore anything said by or near Whirl.* Whirl 10:02 pm *eyes Windchill, contemplating putting his feet where they BELONG... decides against it for now* Windchill 10:02 pm *Feet still walk there.* Swoop 10:02 pm Smash! ItsyBitsySpyers 10:02 pm *Soundwave is a little too busy being fascinated by all the details to notice the badge one. He'll have to rewatch it later.* Windchill 10:03 pm *Slides and fidgets and tries to wiggle under Whirl's feet. A proper footstool, he will be.* Whirl 10:03 pm *you may rest easy, Prowl, because the first association Whirl makes here is...* I wonder if this is how they made OUR badges. Autobot ones, that is. Windchill 10:03 pm Eh. Whirl 10:03 pm *oh, now he's PURPOSEFULLY lifting his feet to keep them off Windchill* FakeProwl 10:03 pm *Oh. That's safe.* I think they're cast in molds. Windchill 10:03 pm *Snaps his teeth at Whirl's retreating feet.* FakeProwl 10:03 pm The metal ones, anyway. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:03 pm *Look at all the differences. Were they created like that? Did they have to learn the differences between the hands, like he did? Why the textures? And the little granules... He would have to speak to Buzzsaw later.* Whirl 10:04 pm I've been through so many. No idea where mine came from. *lifts his feet higher still. A gradual contortion is taking place* Swoop 10:04 pm Blue Windchill 10:04 pm Your badges must be fancy. Windchill 10:05 pm Wait. Whirl 10:05 pm Nah. I mean, maybe highfalutin Autobot high command got fancy ones, but nobody with any sense would give a valuable badge to a Wrecker. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:05 pm //Boss still got ours. I think. Right?//

[[Hmm?]] Replay. [[Oh. Yes. They will not be worn again, though. Reminders only.]] Windchill 10:05 pm Do they just stick on? Swoop 10:05 pm Badge? Swoop 10:05 pm Oh FakeProwl 10:05 pm I only got standard-issue ones. Swoop 10:05 pm *scratches at his on his beak* FakeProwl 10:05 pm But Optimus's was custom-made. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:06 pm [[It would be.]] Whirl 10:06 pm Pfft. Of COURSE his was. Whirl 10:06 pm ...*side-eyes Soundwave; sympatico* Windchill 10:06 pm Weird. FakeProwl 10:06 pm It glowed slightly, so it would look good on camera. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:06 pm *Where are they on his list of - ah, yes. Now the gift.* Whirl 10:06 pm *and then looks to Windchill and the twins* What're you lot's made out of? Just normal metal? FakeProwl 10:06 pm It wasn't hooked up to his biolights, mind. It just glowed. FakeProwl 10:06 pm *All of Prowl's police brands were stick-on decals. He's never had a police badge as nice-looking as the ones in that video.* FakeProwl 10:07 pm *... Never will, he supposes.* Whirl 10:07 pm That sounds very like him. Always about appearances, but O was. Is. Windchill 10:07 pm Where I come from it's just engraved into your plating. Crosscut 10:07 pm ((Test)) Windchill 10:07 pm It's not a separate piece. Whirl 10:07 pm ((I SEE YA)) Swoop 10:07 pm Him Prime suck ItsyBitsySpyers 10:08 pm //Yeah, ours was jus' metal. Could get 'em engraved, but.// Shrug. Crosscut 10:08 pm ((I'm not sure if it made the name Crosscut or if it's showing the username but whatever.)) Windchill 10:08 pm So mine is a titanium alloy or something. *He fakes a yawn.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:08 pm ((it's showin ali but we will know it is crosscut do not worry 🙂 )) Whirl 10:08 pm ((ye!)) Crosscut 10:08 pm ((Too lazy to change the thumbnail either so yall gonna have to look at this cute bunny.)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:08 pm [[He has been considering a replacement, but he does not know what to put where they were.]] FakeProwl 10:08 pm ((welcome, crossbun.)) Whirl 10:08 pm Generally not a fan of Primes, myself. *nods at Windchill and the twins* Crosscut 10:09 pm Hello, what are we watching? Windchill 10:09 pm *Rests his head on the floor.* FakeProwl 10:09 pm *oh! Fermat's last theorem. Prowl knows about this.* Crosscut 10:09 pm ((Where are these taking place btw?)) FakeProwl 10:09 pm *it's so cute how long it took the humans to work it out.* Windchill 10:09 pm Aw, math stuff. FakeProwl 10:09 pm *... also frustrating.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:09 pm ((Soundwave's place. A club, basically.)) Windchill 10:10 pm *Slumps.* Crosscut 10:10 pm ((Oooh)) Whirl 10:10 pm *reaches over to pat with his foot* Windchill 10:11 pm *Frenchmen AND Mathematics? 100% enemy.* FakeProwl 10:11 pm *the documentary's got prowl's full attention* Crosscut 10:11 pm ((Creepy)) Windchill 10:12 pm *Scribbles on paper. He can do that.* Windchill 10:12 pm *But it doesn't mean anything.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:12 pm *The documentary does NOT have Soundwave's full attention. Right now. It's got about a third.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:12 pm *Rumble squints at the screen.* Whirl 10:13 pm *it has 10% of Whirl's attention. He's staring at his glass again* Crosscut 10:13 pm -since no one answered his questions he's just gonna take a seat. A documentary about a math problem? - ItsyBitsySpyers 10:13 pm ((OH OOP i thought that was an ooc question, my misread bad)) Crosscut 10:14 pm ((Its alright, everyone is engaged in...math?)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:14 pm //Hey! It's some kinda... uhhhh.// ItsyBitsySpyers 10:14 pm //It's. Math.// FakeProwl 10:14 pm ((prowl is probably the only person who's actually engaged)) Whirl 10:14 pm *slow nod* Historical math, or something. FakeProwl 10:14 pm Historical math, yes. Crosscut 10:14 pm I see... Windchill 10:14 pm *huffs. Smells like floor down here.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:15 pm ((BTW NEXT WEEK we will have a movie-movie if i can help it)) Crosscut 10:15 pm I suppose that can be, interesting. FakeProwl 10:15 pm It's a wonderful bit of—of intellectual detective work. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:15 pm //How come they don't do a buncha computers?/ ItsyBitsySpyers 10:15 pm //Give 'em all sets of numbers.// FakeProwl 10:16 pm The quantity of computers doesn't matter. Crosscut 10:16 pm That's a good way to look at it I suppose. FakeProwl 10:16 pm Infinite numbers are infinite. It's impossible to check every number because numbers never end. Windchill 10:16 pm *Rolls onto his back dramatically.* Whirl 10:16 pm *glances to him* I think you came at exactly the wrong time, my friend. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:16 pm *Rumble squints harder.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:16 pm //...Sounds fake, but okay.// Whirl 10:16 pm We were watching all kinds of assembly videos earlier. FakeProwl 10:17 pm ... What sounds fake about it? FakeProwl 10:17 pm *does. does rumble not understand infinity.* Windchill 10:17 pm *Raises a hand, even if it's awkward from down on the floor.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:17 pm //I mean. Everythin' ends, don't it? By Unicron, if not other scrap.// FakeProwl 10:17 pm ... Not numbers. Windchill 10:18 pm Doughnut. Windchill 10:18 pm I have a question. Whirl 10:18 pm You kind of have to throw out real-world factors when you get into theoretical stuff, Rumble. Crosscut 10:18 pm I mean, I enjoy the scenes of earlier human life at least. It's funny how quickly that species goes through changes in fashion, culture, technology. Short life-spans will do that. FakeProwl 10:18 pm Anyway, numbers are... conceptual things, not something dependent on physical existence. Whirl 10:18 pm Yeah, Windchill? Windchill 10:18 pm Do people actually dance...in Dancitron? Windchill 10:19 pm *This is an important question.* Crosscut 10:19 pm -snickers- ItsyBitsySpyers 10:19 pm //I never been good at theoretical scrap.// FakeProwl 10:19 pm *okay, there's got to be a way to explain infinity.* Okay. Er... Okay. Imagine the largest number you can imagine. Start there. Whirl 10:19 pm Presumably, at dance night. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:19 pm [[Yes. He has specific business hours. This, obviously, is not part of them.]] Windchill 10:19 pm Wow. Whirl 10:19 pm *nods sympathetically to Rumble* Me either. That's scientist work, really. Not my bag. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:19 pm [[And the speed of human advancement is... fascinating.]] Windchill 10:20 pm *He had to be sure.* Crosscut 10:20 pm It really is ItsyBitsySpyers 10:21 pm *Soundwave's attention briefly diverts from Prowl to stare at the shapes* FakeProwl 10:21 pm *it's not the best rendering of a modular form he's ever seen, but it's pretty good for humans.* Crosscut 10:21 pm Early life if always interesting to see, watch them develop with time. Crosscut 10:22 pm *is ItsyBitsySpyers 10:22 pm //Scientist work... yeah, seems like the kinda stuff Shockwave would get.// Crosscut 10:22 pm ....Do you all, drink at these gatherings? Windchill 10:22 pm Whirl usually does. Whirl 10:22 pm Yep! *hoists yp his own glass* Whirl 10:22 pm Soundwave, about how long is this one? Windchill 10:22 pm *Points, there's your proof!* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:22 pm [[There are refreshments on the bar. High-grade costs, however. A precaution.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 10:23 pm [[Roughly thirty minutes left.]] Whirl 10:23 pm Mmm. I take this is gonna be your last one of the night? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:23 pm *Small nod.* Windchill 10:23 pm *He's going to consider this.* Whirl 10:23 pm All right. I'm gonna duck out now, then. *drains his glass* Thanks for the entertainment. Crosscut 10:24 pm Makes sense. -He stands to approach the bar- Anywhere in particular you'd like me to leave the pay? Windchill 10:24 pm Same. Windchill 10:24 pm This place isn't dirty enough to replace my lost dirt. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm [[If you want a filthy bar, try Blurr's.]] Swoop 10:25 pm Me Swoop from 80s : > ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm *Ravage pokes his helm over the bar and stares at Crosscut* Crosscut 10:25 pm ((Shots fired)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:25 pm =Here. Barter.= Windchill 10:25 pm I don't know him. Crosscut 10:26 pm Oh... ItsyBitsySpyers 10:26 pm *He sniffs at Crosscut. What does he have on him right now?* Windchill 10:26 pm *Rolls back onto his front to get to his feet.* Crosscut 10:26 pm -Just a bit of cash, credits if necessary- Whirl 10:26 pm He's on our C ybertron. Maccadam's. You should visit sometime Windchill 10:27 pm I don't really do bars. Windchill 10:27 pm *Why yes, he IS being stubborn.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:27 pm *Well. They can make an exception every now and then. Call it good faith.* Crosscut 10:27 pm -As for items...literally only a few datapads with scripts - ItsyBitsySpyers 10:28 pm *Ravage pats the bar with a paw.*

=We are not too picky.= Crosscut 10:28 pm You use a bartering system here? Whirl 10:28 pm Yep. He's a hell of a bartender, Crosscut. Windchill 10:29 pm Nearly poisoned me once, it was great. Whirl 10:29 pm My advice: bring neat food. Stuff you can't get anywhere but out Cybertron. Fair trade. FakeProwl 10:29 pm *prowl likes this human. zealously driven by The Call Of Math. good motives.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:29 pm //...I keep tryin' to think of the biggest number but it keeps goin' higher.// Whirl 10:29 pm Don't listen to Windchill. He just can't handle a Gaugebuster. Windchill 10:29 pm I really can't. FakeProwl 10:29 pm *... SHOW HIS MATH DOODLES, DAMMIT* Whirl 10:29 pm .......you should get a Gaugebuster. Windchill 10:29 pm *Not even a virgin gaugebuster.* Swoop 10:30 pm Me Swoop drink that!! Swoop 10:30 pm And throw up Swoop 10:30 pm It pretty cool Windchill 10:30 pm I made a face, it was less cool. Crosscut 10:30 pm I'll keep that in mind I suppose...-He sets a copy of some previous work down- I don't have much on me at the moment....Maybe some gum if I really dig through my space. Windchill 10:30 pm *Swoop has him beat...THIS TIME.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:30 pm =No currency. Dead system. Unsupported.= Slow blink. He leans forward and peers at the pad. Whirl 10:31 pm Well. I think they're delicious. Windchill 10:31 pm Yeah, well. Windchill 10:31 pm We can't all be as tough as you, I guess. Crosscut 10:31 pm I see...Well, I be out of luck today, I'll take note to bring things for proper trade next time. boomtank 10:31 pm -okay, he has to go now, he needs actual sleep- ItsyBitsySpyers 10:31 pm *Ravage looks over at Rumble, then down at the pad* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:31 pm *He places his paw on it.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:31 pm =What do you want.= boomtank 10:31 pm -up and heading to the door now. G'night- Crosscut 10:32 pm Oh uh, I suppose whatever you feel it's worth is fine. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:32 pm [[Goodnight, Blaster.]] ItsyBitsySpyers 10:32 pm ((puff rumble answered u finally)) Whirl 10:32 pm I mean. That's an empirical fact. boomtank 10:32 pm G'night, Soundwave. Crosscut 10:33 pm Oh Blaster, I didn't see you there! Crosscut 10:33 pm Have a good night. FakeProwl 10:33 pm Exactly. You keep trying to think of a biggest number and it keeps going higher—that's how infinity works. boomtank 10:33 pm ((thanks for the stream. g'night! Windchill 10:33 pm (( Goodnight! )) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:33 pm *Ravage slips behind the bar, pad in tow - sorry if he wanted to keep it, but he's gonna have to get it out from under those claws now - and disappears to make something.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:34 pm *When he comes back, it'll be with a drink made from some of what's left of Ratbat's best stash.* Whirl 10:34 pm *lingers; Ravage is dealing with Crosscut, and he needs to make sure he doesn't have to pay his tab Right Away* FakeProwl 10:34 pm No matter what number you think of, you can find a higher number. You can always add one more to it, and then add one more to THAT one, and then one more to THAT one. FakeProwl 10:34 pm That's why there's no end to numbers. Because it's always possible to make up a bigger one. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:35 pm //...But they gotta stop when there ain't nobody left to count 'em.// Crosscut 10:35 pm -Its fine, it's an older copy. That might be relevant to some but he'd prefer newer ones anyhow- FakeProwl 10:35 pm *opens mouth. ... shuts mouth.* Crosscut 10:35 pm -He nods and takes the drink- Thank you. Windchill 10:35 pm *Quietly penguin waddles for the door.* Crosscut 10:35 pm ((Rumble you tiny smartass)) Windchill 10:35 pm *He might not be the toughest, but he can be

The Fastest.* FakeProwl 10:36 pm ... That's philosophy, not math. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:36 pm =Welcome.= Whirl 10:36 pm *LAUGHS* Whirl 10:36 pm I mean--true, but--PFFT. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:36 pm *Opens and shuts his own mouth like a dying fish before finally going*

//...What's the difference?/ Whirl 10:36 pm *sorry he's counting that as a win for Rumble* Crosscut 10:36 pm I like it. It might be true that it's more philosophical but it's a valid point none the less. Windchill 10:36 pm *The difference is math is boring.* Windchill 10:37 pm *He's gone.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:37 pm ((byeeee ;; )) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:37 pm *And then an alarm goes off from somewhere upstairs.*

//...Wh-- frag, the chargebacks!// FakeProwl 10:37 pm It's only valid if you think that numbers are a fictional construct of the people who utilize it. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:37 pm *And he's up and out of his seat, dragging Frenzy with and rushing for the door.* FakeProwl 10:38 pm Rather than a theoretical framework to describe something fundamentally fac... *oh.* Whirl 10:38 pm *blinks--everyone has left before he could say anything* ... *some of them under urgent circumstances. Well.* Whirl 10:38 pm Chargebacks? FakeProwl 10:38 pm *... chinhands at the movie.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:38 pm *Soundwave leans closer to Prowl.*

(txt): Tell next time. Crosscut 10:38 pm -Sips his drink and looks around the now nearly empty room- ItsyBitsySpyers 10:39 pm =Chargebacks. Wild beast. Pest.= Swoop 10:39 pm *sits up sharply at people running out the door* ?? FakeProwl 10:39 pm *mumbles* I'm not good at explaining. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:39 pm (txt): Negative, negative. Minor important matter. Storage shed alarm. Whirl 10:39 pm Oh. Huh. Anyway... so. Ravage. Before I go--you want I should settle my tab now, or later? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:39 pm *And then, from outside, EVEN THROUGH THE STILL-OPEN DOOR:*

\\FRAGGIN BARNACLES\\ Whirl 10:40 pm ... ItsyBitsySpyers 10:40 pm =.........Perhaps later.= ItsyBitsySpyers 10:40 pm =You should run.= Crosscut 10:40 pm (What's going on?)) Whirl 10:40 pm *yelling* You mean barnac--*stops himself, and in a shocking display of tact, moves away from the central floor where folks are trying to watch the film* You mean, like... PLURAL? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:40 pm ((they've been watching whirl's barnacle. it had babies all over the place. again.)) FakeProwl 10:41 pm *looks toward the door?* Whirl 10:41 pm Gotcha, Ravage. ...I might be at Teach's movie night. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:41 pm =We talk there.= Whirl 10:41 pm ((most importantly: cos Killer is in love with ravage)) Whirl 10:41 pm *salutes* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:41 pm *Soundwave just puts his face in his hand and shakes his head.* FakeProwl 10:41 pm *are they being warned to run?? does that apply to everyone? obviously PROWL doesn't need to run but does he need to prepare to protect soundwave* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:41 pm *Ravage slinks over to Crosscut to watch him drink the drink. Gotta make sure it tastes good.* Crosscut 10:42 pm ((Oh my)) FakeProwl 10:42 pm *RAVAGE isn't running. can't be THAT bad.* Crosscut 10:42 pm -He smiled down at him and gives a nod before taking another sip- ItsyBitsySpyers 10:42 pm *Rumble would call that a matter of opinion. But he's also got a barnacle stuck to his visor.* Crosscut 10:43 pm Does he need, help? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:43 pm *More distant yelling.* \\I'M GONNA STICK 'EM ALL OVER HIS BERTH--\\ ItsyBitsySpyers 10:43 pm =...No.= Whirl 10:43 pm Okay, well. I'll... *hmm. He could just go home, but...* See you guys later! *he'll scuttle off to help with this barnacle situation*

*and as soon as he sees the babies he's going to burst out laughing so loud that everyone in Dancitron can probably hear him* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:44 pm =Better inside. Trust me.= Crosscut 10:44 pm -This all is much more entertaining than the film about math- Crosscut 10:44 pm I'll take your word on that. Swoop 10:45 pm *stares at the door and the yelling* Swoop 10:45 pm Bird FakeProwl 10:45 pm *the film about math is FASCINATING* Swoop 10:45 pm Them need burning stuff? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:45 pm {{What?}} ItsyBitsySpyers 10:45 pm {{No! No no.}} Crosscut 10:45 pm Thank you by the way, you are quite the bartender. Swoop 10:45 pm But .... : < ItsyBitsySpyers 10:45 pm *Ravage closes his eyes and rumbles. Good. Goooood.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:45 pm =I am learning.= Crosscut 10:46 pm ((Btw I think I did get to a reply for Rumble earlier in the week finally XD Sorry for the massive delay on that)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:46 pm ((AH i must have missed it! i will look for it tomorrow o7)) FakeProwl 10:46 pm *... aww. poor human mathematician.* Crosscut 10:47 pm ((Cool beans, just let me know on skype if you have trouble finding it I will link you)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:47 pm ((will do 😄 )) Crosscut 10:47 pm Well you should be proud, you'e already quite good. Swoop 10:48 pm Me Swoop good at burning stuff dead, Bird : < Crosscut 10:48 pm For future reference what is usually best to bring to barter here? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:49 pm =Useful repair components. Interesting information. Specialty items.= ItsyBitsySpyers 10:49 pm {{Noooo. No burning shed.}} Crosscut 10:50 pm I see, I'll keep that in mind when I return. Crosscut 10:50 pm I do apologize for not being aware before. Swoop 10:50 pm Why no burning shed? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:50 pm *And he IS proud. Ex-Senators tend to be picky, in his experience. It's an accomplishment, for someone with a ruined palate.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:51 pm {{It important stuff. No burn.}} ItsyBitsySpyers 10:51 pm =You are new. It is expected.= Swoop 10:51 pm Kaaayy Swoop 10:51 pm *resigned sigh* Crosscut 10:53 pm I have been to quite a few planets with such systems. How is it working out for you all? Running a business in such a lack of true economy, that sounds tricky but rather fascinating. ItsyBitsySpyers 10:54 pm =We thrive. It is familiar now. Learning interests, meeting needs.= FakeProwl 10:54 pm *a happy ending* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:54 pm =Difficult outside our planet. Still possible.= FakeProwl 10:54 pm *mumbles* You should show documentaries about math more often. Crosscut 10:54 pm I can imagine. FakeProwl 10:54 pm *partially because they were good and partially because it drove half the crowd off* Crosscut 10:54 pm ((Prowl hot and bothered over math over there)) ItsyBitsySpyers 10:55 pm *Soundwave huffs softly. He would, if only to see Prowl that happy more often.* FakeProwl 10:55 pm ((his natural state)) FakeProwl 10:55 pm *the most content pokerface* Swoop 10:55 pm *could not care less about the math movie, just wants to lay on a table with bird AND ALSO BURN THIGNS BUT THAT'S APPARENTLY NOT HAPPENING* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:55 pm *DID YOU NOT SEE THE RULE ABOUT NOT TORCHING THE PLACE SWOOP* Swoop 10:56 pm *HE'S NOT BURNING DANCITRON HE'S BURNING A SHED IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:56 pm *Prowl isn't slouched and inattentive. It counts.*

*Ravage pings Crosscut a list of some of the things they usually need more often than others. That should help him.* Swoop 10:56 pm Bird Swoop 10:56 pm Me Swoop want story Swoop 10:56 pm about fight Crosscut 10:56 pm -He accepts the ping and nods- Swoop 10:57 pm Fight from last time movie when everyone, when sleepy sleeping bird! Crosscut 10:57 pm Aren't you sick of tales of war by now? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:57 pm *Of particular note are textbooks and other educational materials, various manufacturing tools, little bits like springs and gears... etc.* ItsyBitsySpyers 10:57 pm ((sorry, didn't want the weird scratching and stuff)) Crosscut 10:58 pm -He had plenty of educational stuff- Crosscut 10:58 pm *has FakeProwl 10:58 pm *... oh, right.* You were going to play something that... demonstrates brightness and warmth in sound, right? ItsyBitsySpyers 10:58 pm {{Noooo. That secret story. Not here-tell. Tell upstairs. Come, come.}} Swoop 10:58 pm :V Swoop 10:58 pm *is exCITE* Swoop 10:58 pm yAH upstairs!!! Crosscut 10:59 pm -relaxing music, he's enjoying that- ItsyBitsySpyers 10:59 pm *Soundwave nods and holds up a finger. Let him double-check on the twins, Whirl, the barnacles, and his orchid.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:00 pm *Laserbeak floats up and heads toward the stairwell. Follow, minion. She has magnificent lies to deliver.* Swoop 11:00 pm *is FIVE THOUSAND PERCENT ready for said lies and scampers after Laserbeak* Swoop 11:01 pm ((l8r nerds)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:01 pm ((bye!)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:02 pm *All right. It looks like Whirl isn't going to run and tell everyone about the Thing That Doesn't Exist. It's safe to have his demonstration.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:03 pm *Ravage curls up on the ground near Crosscut's pedes and turns himself into a snooze loaf. A busy workday, making all both of those drinks.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:04 pm *And doing a bunch of other things, of course, but shh.* Crosscut 11:04 pm -Gosh no, he's so cute- ItsyBitsySpyers 11:04 pm *Only when he's not murdering.* Crosscut 11:05 pm -He contently sips his glass, occasionally glancing at the small mech near his feet- Crosscut 11:05 pm -Oh geez, don't tell CC that. He wont be able to look at murder kitty the same way again- ItsyBitsySpyers 11:06 pm *CC won't see if they have their way.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:06 pm *Now, how does Soundwave explain this through his mangled speech?* FakeProwl 11:07 pm *can't be THAT hard to explain brightness. He did an okay job giving Prowl the concept earlier.* FakeProwl 11:07 pm *maybe throw in a couple of graphs with sound waves.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:09 pm (txt): Higher frequency... pleasant associations, within certain range. Light physical effect. Considered cheerful, bright, similarity: common daytime perception.

*That's exactly what he's going to do. Soundwave plays a nice, clear noise beneath the music playing overhead and shows the matching waves on his visor.* FakeProwl 11:10 pm *nods attentively as he reads/listens* Crosscut 11:10 pm -CC finishes his drink, setting the glass carefully back onto the bar- ItsyBitsySpyers 11:10 pm *Soundwave starts to write something, then glances over at Crosscut* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:10 pm [[Thank you. That is more thoughtful than most of his guests.]] FakeProwl 11:10 pm *... can't really tell the difference, but.* FakeProwl 11:11 pm *on the other hand, he likes this song. that's neither here nor there, but.* Crosscut 11:11 pm I should probably get going myself. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:11 pm [[Understood. He hopes you will make it to more of these.]] FakeProwl 11:11 pm Evening, Crosscut. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:12 pm ((ya caught the tail end mostly, heh - i try to start around 8cst if that helps!)) Crosscut 11:12 pm I hope so as well. I've been rather busy lately, haven't given myself much time for relaxing social events such as this. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:12 pm [[...He would not advise saying farewell to Rumble this time. Unless you prefer having barnacles all over your frame.]] Crosscut 11:13 pm ((Yeah, I usually have table top games today which is why I'm not around much, but today's fell through so here I am XD)) ItsyBitsySpyers 11:14 pm ((gotcha! well, thank you for coming here then 😄 )) Crosscut 11:14 pm I see, well tell him good night for me than. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:14 pm [[He will. Travel safely.]] Crosscut 11:14 pm -He waves and makes his leave.- FakeProwl 11:14 pm *farewell nod* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:15 pm *A pleasant enough mech, Crosscut. And somewhat impressive. A politician speaking politely to a minicon? Well. Soundwave would like to learn more about him some day. Now, where was he...*

(txt): Lower frequency, darker. Low, ominous. Vibrations felt within frame. Personal understanding: threat, growl in shadow. Hear, feel. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:17 pm *After a moment's hesitation, he turns to face the seat better and plays a deep noise that literally causes the couch to start buzzing beneath them.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:17 pm *It doesn't last long. He's too amused by this not to cut himself off with a small shoulder tremble.* FakeProwl 11:18 pm *ah. he feels that.* Is that "warmth" means, then? FakeProwl 11:18 pm *... he doesn't get why it was amusing but he's glad Soundwave's amused all the same* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:19 pm *Nod nod.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:22 pm *...He's being too playful, isn't he. He should - he could have made that more clinical.*

*Soundwave twists back to the way he'd originally been seated and looks down at his servos.* FakeProwl 11:22 pm *Prowl's got no problem with it* FakeProwl 11:22 pm *he Learned a thing* FakeProwl 11:23 pm ... So. Brightness is higher-pitched and metaphorically "light," whereas warmth vibrates your skidplate. FakeProwl 11:23 pm ... Not the kind of warmth I was expecting, but... ItsyBitsySpyers 11:24 pm *He sits up a little straighter, mildly startled by the, er. Choice of words.* FakeProwl 11:24 pm *poker face* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:24 pm (txt): ...Soundwave supposes appropriate vibration causes warmth, if applied well. FakeProwl 11:25 pm *... poker face with slight lip twitch.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:26 pm *He looks like he's staring straight out at the wall across the room, but he's actually watching the lip twitch from the corners of his optics.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:27 pm *It's such a - a ridiculous thing to want, seeing that. To get attached to the idea of being someone who can put it there, like it has some sort of important effect on things like war or reconstruction or fighting entropy.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:28 pm *But he is. Attached to it. Not for everyone - he doesn't much care if some random tricycle on the street laughs at comments like that - but this one.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:31 pm *He's attached to a damn lot of little things he would miss. Deeply. Painfully. Especially if Bombsh... if someone found a way to take them from him. Some of them are related to another mech on another planet, but that'll be its own thought process.*

*And he supposes that's not the smartest thing he's ever done, putting himself in a position to feel like that. But then, neither is letting mechs into the deepest sections of his mind within a few months or signing public records of lifelong friendship.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:33 pm *He is, it would seem, not quite as sensible as he'd like to think. Or as Prowl seems to think.*

*That may be a problem, especially if the Constructicons tell Prowl that he's - if they make him think he's working with others capable of controlling minds. Or that he's doing that himself, maybe has been this whole time. It means readily accepting a blaster shot to the spark instead of his outermost armor.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:35 pm *...But if he does any one thing for Prowl before something like that happens, let it be making sure he hears one more truth. Even if it becomes tainted later. Let him have that for just a little while.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:36 pm (txt): ...What process, official confession? ItsyBitsySpyers 11:37 pm (txt): Prowl requires data recording? FakeProwl 11:39 pm *he gives Soundwave a puzzled look* FakeProwl 11:39 pm ... Well, usually it involves going to a pol—to an ACTIVE police officer, at a police station. The statement is usually recorded, transcribed, signed, and entered into official records there. FakeProwl 11:39 pm Why, what did you do? ItsyBitsySpyers 11:42 pm *Equally puzzled look (which amounts to him staring with only the tiniest head movements to either side). What is Prowl talking abou-- oh. He thinks it's a crime confession? Yes, he would, wouldn't he? Soundwave didn't explain himself and Prowl couldn't read minds.*

*Small internal wince at that last bit.*

*He smooths over it and flicks a hand.* FakeProwl 11:43 pm *okay, so not a big crime* FakeProwl 11:43 pm *petty misdemeanor at worse?* FakeProwl 11:44 pm *he's surprised and a little pleased that Soundwave's looking into how to confess and make up for it, though.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:45 pm (txt): Improper phrasing. Intended meaning...

*And nothing is coming out of his brain. It's all getting clogged up at the filter. Great. Typical. Unhelpful. Aggravating. It's not supposed to be this hard. It's never this hard for anyone else.. Or if it is, they make it look a lot more effortless.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:46 pm *His hands curl to face each other and make a bland sphere that doesn't help. Both feelers slide out to flicker and spin their claws with helpless frustration.* FakeProwl 11:46 pm *Prowl hasn't figured it out, but he DOES know struggling with words when he sees it.* FakeProwl 11:47 pm ... Take your time. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:52 pm *He nods.*

*His own words are as useless as ever. The sting of being responsible for his own inability to speak to Prowl the way he wants drives itself ten feet deeper than the night before. Which is kind of amazing if you think about it, since Soundwave's pretty sure he's not even ten feet thick from front to back.*

*Whatever. He's going to have to try it another way. Prowl won't understand it as well as Soundwave does - it's not much of a shared language, as multiple discussions have proven - but he should be able to get SOME of it.*

*Some of it will have to do.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:52 pm ▓▒░ ♫ Please understand that It's still strange and frightening For losers like I've been It's so hard to say ♫ ░▒▓ ItsyBitsySpyers 11:53 pm *He points to the main speakers and starts burning through files, looking for what he needs. It'll be just a second...* FakeProwl 11:53 pm *oh. music. all right then. Prowl nods.* I'll try to keep up. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:58 pm (( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQJsBVWrp7c )) FakeProwl 11:54 pm *... and wonder what this strange and frightening thing that Soundwave has to confess to is. now he's thinking less "petty misdemeanor" and more "accidentally murdered one of King Starscream's trinemates."* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:55 pm *Nod. A little of it is going to have to be exaggeration - human beliefs and customs differ from theirs, and there are some things he can't promise even like this - but it's all he's got.* FakeProwl 11:55 pm *well, what allies does he have whose bridges he hasn't burned that he can ask to hide Soundwave while he's hiding from a murder investigation...* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:55 pm *Rumble and Frenzy file back in and go to get a drink. They flop over down by Ravage and then look at the screen. Wh....?* FakeProwl 11:55 pm *... shuts up and listens to the music. ItsyBitsySpyers 11:56 pm *Soundwave quietly informs them of his plan. They stare, but... raise their cubes and grin.* FakeProwl 11:57 pm *... this doesn't sound like a description of a murder scene.* ItsyBitsySpyers 11:57 pm *Soundwave might like to die a little right now, if that helps. It would be less stressful.* FakeProwl 11:57 pm *unless Soundwave is trying to say it happened on a swing near dancitron while his deployers watched* FakeProwl 11:58 pm *surely the more emotional references in the song are just... incidental unrelated bits.* Yesterday FakeProwl 11:59 pm ... Right, so. Something that happened here. ... With witnesses. *gonna figure out this crime.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:00 am *...Looks up at the ceiling. Primus, please.*

//Naw.// ItsyBitsySpyers 12:00 am \\SHHH.\\ FakeProwl 12:00 am *glances back. Oh, there are the witnesses.* FakeProwl 12:00 am *......... there are the witnesses. hold up.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:01 am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvKamqdWTwE FakeProwl 12:02 am *... okay, now the singer is singing about having his arm around his love interest during a movie showing. which is sounding VERY familiar. gives Soundwave a suspicious look.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:03 am *That is a GREAT ceiling. He's proud of it.* FakeProwl 12:03 am *slowly, AS IF HE DOESN'T KNOW* ... Haven't worked up your courage yet for what? ItsyBitsySpyers 12:04 am *More useless hand motions. An angry series of red slash lines ripple across his visor in reflection of his irritation at himself.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:04 am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxWusykU_Yo )) FakeProwl 12:04 am *a very slow nod* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:05 am *IF PROWL DOESN'T GET IT AFTER THIS, SO HELP HIM.* FakeProwl 12:05 am *annnd his optics are getting. very bright.* FakeProwl 12:06 am *he's comparing it to music now. he's comparing it to music.* FakeProwl 12:07 am *wears the most serious expression as he props his elbows on his knees and covers his mouth.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:07 am *...Prowl is laughing.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:08 am *That's. He's. He's not sure that's a laugh he actually wants to see, for once.* FakeProwl 12:08 am *not shaking. just. just covering.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:08 am (txt): ...Not joke. FakeProwl 12:08 am *no shaking so probably not a laugh he's hiding. quite possibly just the facial expression associated with a laugh.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:09 am *He's anxious. His mind is gonna see the worst.* FakeProwl 12:09 am Didn't think it was. *his voice is a liiittle thinner than usual.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:10 am (txt): What - did?

*That's an awful sentence. Awful. Poorly done, Soundwave.* FakeProwl 12:10 am That is—a—a very adequate way to confess. Yes. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:11 am *And that's put his feelers and hands still. Soundwave will actually look at Prowl now.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:11 am (txt): Prowl - knows? FakeProwl 12:11 am *nod nod nod* FakeProwl 12:11 am *... nod nod nod nod* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:11 am (txt): ...Mad? FakeProwl 12:11 am *SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:12 am *................!* FakeProwl 12:12 am *which dislodges a hand long enough to expose the edge of a smile, before he covers it again* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:12 am *..............!!!!!!!* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:12 am *Soundwave taps the couch between them and points to the speakers again.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:12 am (txt): Important. More listening. FakeProwl 12:13 am More?! ItsyBitsySpyers 12:14 am *Nod nod. He got it across. Now he has to - explain it. What he would want, if he could have it. Or what he'll try to give while he still can.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:14 am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5pQ4pf8DiY )) ItsyBitsySpyers 12:15 am *That part's a bit of a fib - he's been happy before, and he has secrets left - but he needed the rest of this song.* FakeProwl 12:15 am *and he's offering to give up secrets* FakeProwl 12:16 am *the mouth isn't enough. now it's the whole face.* FakeProwl 12:17 am *even if it's just a symbolic offer, it's a BIG one.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:18 am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8T-bhioAx4 )) FakeProwl 12:19 am *... oh. those lyrics are... oh.* FakeProwl 12:20 am *he's down to one hand covering his mouth. the other one is groping around for Soundwave's nearest hand.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:20 am *It's still in the air. He lets it drop to the couch. Maybe curls it tight once Prowl finds it.* FakeProwl 12:21 am *there it is. good. squeezes it tightly.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:22 am https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-MBfn8XjIU )) FakeProwl 12:23 am *... and squeezes tighter again.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:24 am *...Finally squeezes back. This one is - he has his reasons to include it.* FakeProwl 12:24 am *The risk of losing one another has been a—a very real risk, in every relationship Prowl's ever been in. And probably ever WILL be in. Too few of his past relationships have ever bothered to acknowledge it.* FakeProwl 12:25 am *It's—very practical—very realistic—to recognize it. To point it out. How many people can do that AND be romantic about it?* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:25 am (txt): That - Soundwave: done. FakeProwl 12:26 am *small nod* ... I'd thought you were going to tell me you'd killed someone. FakeProwl 12:26 am ... Recently, I mean. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:26 am *...Well. He kind of had. 29 of them.* FakeProwl 12:26 am *well besides THEM.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:27 am (txt): Negative. Different confession. Still - important. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:27 am (txt): Prowl deserved knowledge. FakeProwl 12:27 am *nod nod* ... Thank you. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:28 am *He's sort of half-looking at the smile. Wants to see more of it. Can't quite bring himself to stare. He's not sure Prowl would want that.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:28 am (txt): ...Welcome. FakeProwl 12:28 am *and it's still half-covered. for a total of one quarter smile exposure.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:29 am *...No. You know what?*

*He's gonna slip his hand free for a second.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:29 am *And reach for the other hand. You know. To pull it down.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:31 am ((these are DEFINITELY not on his list lol)) FakeProwl 12:31 am ((accidentally stole tarantulas's list)) FakeProwl 12:31 am *lets Soundwave pull his other hand down.* FakeProwl 12:32 am *This is an avatar. He COULD just disconnect the auto expression generators and switch his face back to neutral. He WANTS to. He really does.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:32 am *Gratitude ping. He'll take a moment to go ahead and look full on. The song did say "like I'm gonna lose you," and he would hate to do that without seeing it first. But he won't stare for longer than that.* FakeProwl 12:32 am *But he doesn't. He'll give Soundwave this.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:38 am (txt): ...Prowl can cover again. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:38 am (txt): More deserved, always. FakeProwl 12:38 am *hides face against Soundwave's large, flat upper arm. Perfect shield.* Thanks. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:40 am *He reaches to pet Prowl's helm with his free arm... then thinks better of it. The Bombshell accusations are still ringing in his mind.*

*He pets Prowl's shoulder instead.* FakeProwl 12:42 am *deep breath in. slow sigh.* FakeProwl 12:44 am ... Well. This is unfortunate. FakeProwl 12:44 am I'd hoped that ONE of us would be able to maintain a higher degree of objectivity until we'd been together... oh... at least two or three centuries. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:45 am *Soundwave leaned back a little bit to get a view of Prowl that wasn't blocked by a shoulder or provided by a blurry feeler optic.* ItsyBitsySpyers 12:45 am (txt): ...Unfortunate? FakeProwl 12:45 am That we're both officially—well—you know. Emotionally. FakeProwl 12:47 am Relationships with greater long-term compatibility slowly move up to that emotional plateau. If it happens rapidly, it's—infatuation, which peaks quickly and then destabilizes. It's not *impossible* to have a stable relationship come out from an early infatuation, but it's harder to set a stable foundation for an ongoing relationship if the early years are spent not regarding the relationship objectively, but being......... *searches for word.* FakeProwl 12:47 am ... twitterpated. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:47 am (txt): Prowl does not - is not--

*There they go again, slipping out of his grasp once more. Prowl was disappointed? Prowl thought he was insensible.*

*...Prowl thought it would stop soon.* FakeProwl 12:49 am ... But, we're here now. We can work with this. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:49 am *He looks down at his pedes.*

(txt): Soundwave apologizes. FakeProwl 12:49 am Don't. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:49 am *But.* FakeProwl 12:49 am ... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—that's—that's not what you wanted to hear. Not what anyone would want to hear. ItsyBitsySpyers 12:59 am *No. No it wasn't. It was true, because of course it was; it'd been part of what terrified him to say it now.*

*But what else was he supposed to do, if not this? He'd agreed not to lie to Prowl.*

(txt): ...Will attempt future sensibility, stability. If proven failure: inevitable, Soundwave - minimizes fallout. FakeProwl 1:01 am ... You don't have to do that alone. We're both in this together. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:01 am *Small nod. Okay. He would like to not be alone in that.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:02 am (txt): ...Request: Stay? FakeProwl 1:02 am Besides, we're both largely rational, practical people. If anyone can manage get through the initial infatuation stage with an intact, stable relationship, we would have better odds than most. FakeProwl 1:03 am ... Of course. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:03 am *Soft huff. Flatterer.*

(txt): This, official calculation? FakeProwl 1:03 am Naturally. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:04 am *Just this side of crushing the hand, he's squeezing it so tight. That's. Oddly comforting.*

(txt): Soundwave trusts. FakeProwl 1:05 am ... *pingpingping.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:05 am ((BAD YOUTUBE)) FakeProwl 1:05 am ((and yet, an oddly fitting rickroll)) ItsyBitsySpyers 1:05 am *Ping.* ........... ........... ........... *Ping ping.* FakeProwl 1:06 am *scoots over so he can lean more heavily on Soundwave* FakeProwl 1:07 am *... is their audience still there? glances back.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:07 am *....The audience is still there and has, in fact, grown to include all possible members.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:08 am //Don't stop on her account// Rumble jerks his thumb at Laserbeak. //Heh.// ItsyBitsySpyers 1:08 am *She blats and flies upstairs. Well, Prowl didn't crush the Boss' spark. She doesn't have to kill him.* FakeProwl 1:09 am ... You've been very well behaved. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:09 am //Weren'tcha listenin'? It said we promised to be quiet.// FakeProwl 1:09 am I suppose so. ItsyBitsySpyers 1:10 am *Frenzy busts into laughter then and pushes himself onto his pedes, dusting his knees off.*

\\NIGHT, BOSS. SEEYA, PROWL.\\ FakeProwl 1:10 am *nods to them* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:10 am *He motions to the others and jogs up the stairs. That was like a year's worth of mush tolerance used up tonight.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:11 am *They follow, Rumble walking backward and holding a thumbs-up in Soundwave's direction as they go. And disappear upstairs.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:12 am *Soundwave shakes his helm and tugs Prowl into a more invasive lean than he's already got going.* FakeProwl 1:13 am *how gracefully can Prowl slide that lean into sitting on Soundwave's lap? spoiler: the answer is irrelevant, because he's going to do it anyway.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:14 am *Irrelevant or not, he'll get as much help as he needs from Soundwave's feelers to make it more graceful than Prowl has any right being.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:14 am *Maybe a touch of reverence as well.* FakeProwl 1:16 am *leans his helm against Soundwave's shoulder. good. he can stay here a while.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:17 am *Soundwave nuzzles the side of Prowl's helm - that's okay; it's not hands where they don't belong - and wraps his arms around Prowl's back, lacing his fingers together. This is his now.* FakeProwl 1:18 am *similarly wraps arms around Soundwave's waist. And this is his.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:22 am *No. Wait. Give him one of those arms. Don't worry; he won't move his. The thing poking at it is a feeler.* FakeProwl 1:24 am *okay, the arm is soundwave's. what'e he going to do with it?* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:25 am *Lift it up to the minuscule visor release buttons and stroke a thumb over the back of Prowl's hand in encouragement.* FakeProwl 1:27 am *oh!! yes! Prowl eagerly clicks the buttons.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:33 am *It comes off quite easily. What Prowl does with it after that is more or less up to him, as long as he doesn't break or steal it. Soundwave's too busy rubbing his bare face against Prowl's cheek to really care right now.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:35 am *He'd kiss Prowl properly, but, er. Considering the last time someone did that here, he should. Probably keep it a little lighter tonight.* FakeProwl 1:35 am *it's going to get deposited somewhere on the couch so Prowl can wrap an arm over Soundwave's shoulder and nuzzle him back.* FakeProwl 1:37 am *Prowl has no such qualms about the potential risks of kissing. Before long, he's turning his nuzzle to press a light kiss to the corner of Soundwave's mouth.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:45 am *Oh. Well, he can't say no to that now that it's there. That is, he could, but like hell does he want to.*

*The nearest mandible pops loose to tap at Prowl's mouth in the hopes of startling him into opening it. If it succeeds, Soundwave will catch Prowl's lower lip in his fangs and hold on for a split second before delivering a gentler kiss of his own. Crinkly optics and all.* ItsyBitsySpyers 1:46 am *-Cupholders.- Heh.* FakeProwl 1:50 am *He opens, but less because he's startled and more because he's hoping to get caught. He kisses back even as Soundwave's fangs have his lower lip trapped.* ItsyBitsySpyers 2:00 am *He's caught all right. Soundwave gives it a little tug and cracks a wide smile after the kiss, enjoying the way the faint purple light from his fangs colors a streak across Prowl's face. He couldn't be more thankful that Prowl isn't afraid of how he looks if he tried.*

*He hopes Prowl isn't afraid of the dark either, because things are going to get confusing in just a second.*

(txt): Hold tight.

*One second, there's a flash of blue-green between Soundwave's back and the couch. It's gone come the next, replaced by near-total darkness. Nothing much changes aside from that. There's a small metallic clunk, and the smallest of jarring motions, but honestly? They might as well not have moved at all.* FakeProwl 2:05 am *Prowl's already holding pretty tight, but what f—?*

*Prowl knows SOMETHING happened; the holomatter avatar generator registers that his avatar has spontaneously changed locations. But no, no sensation of movement. Had they bridged? Where? It had to be in the same facility if his avatar was still working. He pulls back just enough to try to look around in the darkness.* ItsyBitsySpyers 2:06 am *The only such luck Prowl will have is making out the outlines of the portion of the piece of furniture they're sitting on, and mostly due to Soundwave's brighter-than-usual biolights at that.*

*It would appear they are sitting on a berth.* FakeProwl 2:07 am *So it would. And he's got a guess he knows whose berth it is.* FakeProwl 2:07 am ... Are we here for napping, or for a demonstration about the warmth of vibrations? ItsyBitsySpyers 2:08 am *Soundwave vents against Prowl's mouth, the closest to an actual laugh he's ever come where Prowl could witness it.*

(txt): Prowl's choice. FakeProwl 2:16 am *Oh. He got to actually FEEL one of Soundwave's little huffs. Beautiful. He nuzzled against it* FakeProwl 2:17 am *It took a long moment of hard thought, but,* ... Demonstration next time. *Because right now, he just wanted to hold on and hold still.* ItsyBitsySpyers 2:21 am *Why Prowl likes something practically nonexistent, he'll never know, but so be it. Little nibbles in response.*

(txt): Acknowledged.

*He slowly eases them both back into a better resting position, though, spines withdrawn so he can lay down. Prowl can keep holding on if he wishes. The backpack forces enough space between Soundwave and the berth that Prowl's hands would still pretty much fit.* FakeProwl 2:22 am *The rare blessings of large back kibble. He settles down with Soundwave and keeps his hands slid around Soundwave's back.* ItsyBitsySpyers 2:22 am *And just in case he falls into recharge like this before Prowl has to go... something he said once before. This time, intentionally.* ItsyBitsySpyers 2:23 am (txt): To-tasnem-tor ha’kiv-kil. ItsyBitsySpyers 2:23 am *Small wiggle. Nice and comfortable now. Time to be still, ventilate, and simply enjoy this.* FakeProwl 2:25 am *... If that's going to be a thing, Prowl needs to think up a proper response to it. But for now, he makes an indistinct noise and dims his optics.*

[yasbxxgie]

Fourteen years ago, during my first year of college, I sat in a creative writing class and listened as my teacher, an elderly man, told another student not to use black characters in his stories unless those characters’ blackness was somehow essential to the plots. The presence of blacks, my teacher felt, changed the focus of a story, drew attention from the intended subject.

This happened in 1965. I would never have expected to hear my teacher’s sentiments echoed by a science fiction writer in 1979. Hear them I did, though, at a science fiction convention where a writer explained that he had decided against using a black character in one of his stories because the presence of the black would change his story somehow. Later, this same writer suggested that in stories that seem to require black characters to make some racial point, it might be possible to substitute extraterrestrials—so as not to dwell on matters of race.

Well, let’s do a little dwelling.

Science fiction reaches into the future, the past, the human mind. It reaches out to other worlds and into other dimensions. Is it really so limited, then, that it cannot reach into the lives of ordinary everyday humans who happen not to be white?

Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Amerindians, minority characters in general have been noticeably absent from most science fiction. Why? As a black and a science fiction writer, I’ve heard that question often. I’ve also heard several answers. And, because most people try to be polite, there have been certain answers I haven’t heard. That’s all right. They’re obvious.

Best, though, and most hopeful from my point of view, I’ve heard from people who want to write science fiction, or who’ve written a few pieces, perhaps, and who would like to include minority characters, but aren’t sure how to go about it. Since I’ve had to solve the same problem in reverse, maybe I can help.

But first some answers to my question: Why have there been so few minority characters in science fiction?

Let’s examine my teacher’s reason. Are minority characters—black characters in this case—so disruptive a force that the mere presence of one alters a story, focuses it on race rather than whatever the author had in mind? Yes, in fact, black characters can do exactly that if the creators of those characters are too restricted in their thinking to visualize blacks in any other context.

This is the kind of stereotyping, conscious or subconscious, that women have fought for so long. No writer who regards blacks as people, human beings, with the usual variety of human concerns, flaws, skills, hopes, etc., would have trouble creating interesting backgrounds and goals for black characters. No writer who regards blacks as people would get sidetracked into justifying their blackness or their presence unless such justification honestly played a part in the story. It is no more necessary to focus on a character’s blackness than it is to focus on a woman’s femininity.

Now, what about the possibility of substituting extra-terrestrials for blacks—in order to make some race-related point without making anyone…uncomfortable? In fact, why can’t blacks be represented by whites—who are not too thoroughly described—thus leaving readers free to use their imaginations and visualize whichever color they like?

I usually manage to go on being polite when I hear questions like these, but it’s not easy.

Onward, then. Let’s replace blacks with tentacled beings from Capella V. What will readers visualize as we describe relations between the Capellans and the (white) humans? Will they visualize black humans dealing with white humans? I don’t think so. This is science fiction, after all. If you tell your readers about tentacled Capellans, they’re going to visualize tentacled Capellans. And if your readers are as touchy about human races as you were afraid they might be when you substituted the Capellans, are they really likely to pay attention to any analogy you draw? I don’t think so.

And as for whites representing all of humanity—on the theory that people will imagine other races; or better yet, on the theory that all people are alike anyway, so what does it matter? Well, remember when men represented all of humanity? Women didn’t care much for it. Still don’t. No great mental leap is required to understand why blacks, why any minority, might not care much for it either. And apart from all that, of course, it doesn’t work. Whites represent themselves, and that’s plenty. Spread the burden.

Back when Star Wars was new, a familiar excuse for ignoring minorities went something like this: “Science fiction is escapist literature. Its readers/viewers don’t want to be weighted down with real problems.” War, okay. Planet-wide destruction, okay. Kidnapping, okay. But the sight of a minority person? Too heavy. Too real. And, of course, there again is the implication that a sprinkling of blacks, Asians, or others could turn the story into some sort of racial statement. The only statement I could imagine being made by such a sprinkling would be that among the white, human people; the tall, furry people; the lumpy, scaly people; the tentacled people; etc., were also brown, human people; black, human people, etc. This isn’t a heavy statement—unless it’s missing.

From my agent (whose candor I appreciate) I heard what could become an even stronger reason for not using black characters in particular. Not using them in film, anyway. It seems that blacks are out of fashion. In an industry that pays a great deal of attention to trends, blacks have had their day for a while. How long a while? Probably until someone decides to take a chance—and winds up making a damn big hit movie about blacks.

All right, forget for a moment the faddishness of the movie industry, forget that movies about blacks are out. Movies, science fiction and otherwise, with a sprinkling of minority characters, but no particular minority theme, seem to do well. Yaphet Kotto certainly didn’t do Alien any harm. In fact, for me, probably for a good many blacks, he gave the movie an extra touch of authenticity, and a monster movie, even a good monster movie, needs all the authenticity it can get.

That brings me to another question I hear often at science fiction conventions. “Why are there so few black science fiction writers?” I suspect for the same reason there were once so few women science fiction writers. Women found a certain lack of authenticity in a genre that postulated a universe largely populated by men in which all the power was in male hands, and women stayed in their male-defined places.

Science fiction writers come from science fiction readers, generally. Few readers equal few writers. The situation is improving, however. Blacks are not as likely as whites to spend time and money going to conventions, but there is a growing black readership. Black people I meet now are much more likely to have read at least some science fiction, and are not averse to reading more. My extra copy of Dreamsnake has reached its fifth reader, last I heard. Movies like Alien, Star Wars, in spite of its lack, and Close Encounters, plus the old Star Trek TV series have captured a lot of interest. With all this, it’s been a pleasantly long time since a friend or acquaintance has muttered to me, “Science fiction! How can you waste your time with anything that unreal?”

Now to those reasons people aren’t as likely to give for leaving minorities out of science fiction. The most obvious one, and the one I feel least included to discuss is conscious racism. It exists. I don’t think science fiction is greatly afflicted with it, but then, racism is unfashionable now, and thus is unlikely to be brought into the open. Instead, it can be concealed behind any of the questions and arguments I’ve already discussed. To the degree that it is, this whole article is a protest against racism. It’s as much of a protest as I intend to make at the moment. I know of too many bright, competent blacks who have had to waste time and energy trying to reason away other people’s unreasonable racist attitudes; in effect, trying to prove their humanity. Life is too short.

A more insidious problem than outright racism is simply habit, custom. Science fiction has always been nearly all white, just as until recently, it’s been nearly all male. A lot of people have had a chance to get comfortable with things as they are. Too comfortable. Science fiction, more than any other genre, deals with change—change in science and technology, and social change. But science fiction itself changes slowly, often under protest. You can still go to conventions and hear deliberately sexist remarks—if the speaker thinks he has a sympathetic audience. People resent being told their established way of doing things is wrong, resent being told they should change, and strongly resent being told they won’t be alone any longer in the vast territory—the universe—they’ve staked out for themselves. I don’t think anyone seriously believes the world of the future will be all white any more than anyone believes the present world is all white. But custom can be strong enough to prevent people from seeing the need for science fiction to reflect a more realistic view.

Adherence to custom can also cause people to oppose change by becoming even more extreme in their customary behavior. I went back to college for a couple of quarters a few years ago and found one male teacher after another announcing with odd belligerence, “I might as well tell you right now, I’m a male chauvinist!”

A custom attacked is a custom that will be defended. Men who feel defensive about sexist behavior may make sexist bigots of themselves. Whites who feel defensive about racist behavior may make racist bigots of themselves. It’s something for people who value open-mindedness and progressive attitudes to beware of.

A second insidious problem is laziness, possibly combined with ignorance. Authors who have always written of all-white universes might not feel particularly threatened by a multicolored one, but might consider the change too much trouble. After all, they already know how to do what they’ve been doing. Their way works. Why change? Besides, maybe they don’t know any minority people. How can they write about people they don’t know?

Of course, ignorance may be a category unto itself. I’ve heard people I don’t consider lazy, racist, or bound by custom complain that they did not know enough about minorities and thus hesitated to write about them. Often, these people seem worried about accidentally giving offense.

But what do authors ordinarily do when they decide to write about an unfamiliar subject?

They research. They read—in this case recent biographies and autobiographies of people in the group they want to write about are good. They talk to members of that group—friends, acquaintances, co-workers, fellow students, even strangers on buses or waiting in lines. I’ve done these things myself in my reverse research, and they help. Also, I people-watch a lot without talking. Any public situation offers opportunities.

Some writers have gotten around the need for research by setting their stories in distant egalitarian futures when cultural differences have dwindled and race has ceased to matter. I created a future like this in my novel, Patternmaster, though I did not do it to avoid research. Patternmaster takes place in a time when psionic ability is all that counts. People who have enough of that ability are on top whether they’re male or female, black, white, or brown. People who have none are slaves. In this culture, a black like the novel’s main woman character would, except for her coloring, be indistinguishable from characters of any other race. Using this technique could get a writer accused of writing blacks as though they were whites in Coppertone, and it could be a lazy writer’s excuse for doing just that. But for someone who has a legitimate reason for using it, a story that requires it, it can be a perfectly valid technique.

More important than any technique, however, is for authors to remember that they are writing about people. Authors who forget this, who do not relax and get comfortable with their racially different characters, can wind up creating unbelievable, self-consciously manipulated puppets, pieces of furniture who exist within a story but contribute nothing to it, or stereotypes guaranteed to be offensive.

There was a time when most of the few minority characters in science fiction fell into one of these categories. One of the first black characters I ran across when I began reading science fiction in the fifties was a saintly old “uncle” (I’m not being sarcastic here. The man was described as saintly and portrayed asking to be called “uncle”) whom Harriet Beecher Stowe would have felt right at home with. I suspect that like the Sidney Poitier movies of the sixties, Uncle was daring for his time. That didn’t help me find him any more believable or feel any less pleased when he and his kind (Charlie Chan, Tonto, that little guy who swiped Fritos…) were given decent burials. Times have changed, thank heavens, and science fiction has come a long way from Uncle. Clearly, though, it still has a long way to go.

[fallxnprxnce]

Too many muses meme: 1 - 15!

UNFAIR! OMG, WTF! I SHOULD HAVE SAID SEND ONE NUMBER! XD

1. A muse that’s always easy for you to write.

Jix (@xleafyheartx), my leafling fandomless OC. He’s my only muse that I can always write on the spot and never seem to get writer’s block for. It’s probably because he’s so sweet and positive all the time that I never find myself running into issues with not wanting to write certain topics due to a bad mood or whatever. =)

2. A muse that’s often difficult for you to write.

Lacryma (@crackedbellsandsilenttears), my fandomless fantasy spell OC. She doesn’t speak unless another muse teaches her how. In fact, she doesn’t really know much about life at all. It’s just the nature of her character, heh. She learns quickly, but until she gets exposed to things and starts learning how to communicate, it’s difficult for me to get her thoughts and wants across. That she’s also very timid doesn’t help, heh.

3. A muse you want to write but feel you can’t.

Alice Abernathy from the Resident Evil movies. I love her so much and would love to write her, but because she’s one of my favorite characters I just can’t do that to her, haha. I wouldn’t do her justice at all. I’m good at writing emotional, half broken, tragic characters, but I’m not as good at writing ones with real strength. It’s a serious weakness of mine as a writer. Alice is one of those rare characters that is a blend of both. She shifts from more vulnerable and outwardly emotional to hardened and guarded with her emotions as she moves from the early movies to the later ones, but she’s always some mix of strength and vulnerability, regardless of what point in the timeline you’re talking about. I don’t feel that I would portray that sort of depth to my own standards of my Alice deserves, heh. Beyond that, I don’t think I could keep track of all the sheer number of plot lines, histories, and supporting characters that Alice encountered along the way to be able to navigate the fandom while writing her. I haven’t played any of the newer games either, so my knowledge is lacking. Fortunately, I don’t have to write her. There are a few Alices on Tumblr already, and I’ll give a shout out to @realprojectalice who writes Alice exactly how I would want to if I had the skills. She’s amazing, hit her up if you want to write your muse with Alice. =)

4. A muse you lost and really wish you could make active again.

Channe (@fxcelessqueen), my Elven/Ulaeri fandomless OC. I… have no idea where she went or what the problem is, but I want her back dammit. I’ve tried so many times, but she’s just not here right now. I think it’s been a combination of real life causing her to make herself scarce in my head of late and the fact that she does not translate to Tumblr very well at all. But I’ll keep trying, I promise, heh.

5. A muse you lost and you’re fine with leaving them inactive.

Ygritte from Game of Thrones. I never roleplayed her on Tumblr, but I have written a decent amount of fanfiction for her, and I used to really have her as a strong muse I felt very comfortable writing. She was my second favorite character behind Ned Stark. But I stopped reading aSoIaF after book 3 and stopped watching the show after season 4, and I’m out of touch with the fandom now, so I don’t really mind leaving Ygritte where she is.

6. A muse you weren’t initially very interested in writing but ended up loving.

Matt Addison (@freewillacquired) from the Resident Evil movies. I made that blog to write Nemesis initially, and I had no interest in writing Matt. I didn’t really care about him or overly like him as a character. He was just kindof a blank in my mind while watching the first movie. I did have to pay a bit more attention to him and do some studying up because he is Nemesis’ origin. Even that didn’t get me very interested in Matt. I quickly came to realize, though, that having this blog would automatically draw attention to Matt in addition to Nemesis and that people would assume I wrote both. I was this close to telling people nah, I only write Nemesis when it occurred to me that I was doing Nemmy a disservice by ignoring his human origin. So I said eh… I’ll give Matt a try and see how it goes. I totally love him now, I’m having a lot of fun writing him, and re-watching the first movie was a totally different experience recently, haha, because now I care so much about all things Matt, lol. I definitely found a muse I gel with when I wasn’t even looking and in an unexpected place. XD 

7. A muse you thought you would love writing but ended up hating.

Elunae (@queenofbethmoora), my Hellboy II OC and Nuada’s mother’s ghost. I thought this was a natural character to make and that she would be interesting because nothing was ever said about Nuada’s mother. So I could kindof go nuts and do whatever I wanted. I had fun initially, but she was not well-received and I got tired of her gentle, vanilla, and often submissive personality. Eh… I just really screwed up the idea and I feel badly about it.

8. A muse you hate but write really well.

Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. (sigh) At the risk of losing like a hundred followers inside of five minutes… I really hate Jon Snow. I’m not gonna get into why or I would write thirty solid pages, but I’ve hated him from the beginning and the more he is glorified by fans and on the show, the more he survives things he never should have, the more rules his character breaks because GRRM has decided that he should be safe, and the more popularity his character gains in the fandom, the more I just want a dragon to sit on his head until he dies, heh. Having said that, in order to write the fanfiction I wanted to write about Ygritte, I needed to include Jon Snow, so he and I got very well acquainted for about a year. I did a lot of research on him, and I practiced writing him a lot before I actually started my projects. I’m happy with the way he came out, and I’ve had hardcore Jon Snow fans who know I hate him tell me how surprised they were by how well I wrote him. I’ve also had people who didn’t know me at all say they would never have guessed that I wasn’t a fan of his, heh. So apparently, even though I hate the character, I’m able to write him very well, haha.

9. A muse you love but write terribly.

Raiden (@therain-trxnsfxrmed​) from the Metal Gear Solid/Rising video games. Another one of my favorite characters of all time, and I tried to make a blog for him, but omg I just suck so badly at writing him, haha. I think that’s why there’s like no activity on his blog right now. I just avoid writing him because I piss myself off with how terrible it comes out. (sigh)

10. A muse you write that’s canon but feels like an OC.

Nemesis (@freewillacquired​)from the Resident Evil games/movies. I’m adding so much to Nemmy it’s not even funny. In the games, he never had a backstory. I guess we always knew he was human, since he’s an upgraded Tyrant class mutation, which come from human origins, but they never said who he used to be. He was just a mindless pain in the ass that was invincible until the final fight which… is god modding, Nemmy, and it’s rude. XD Then in the movies we got to know Matt Addison before we learned he was turned into Nemesis, which added a whole new dimension. We also saw Nemesis step out of his mindless killing machine role, reject Umbrella, remember Alice, and protect her. He never did anything like that in the games, so again, we got a little glimpse of his intelligence and his capacity to remember his human self and his old memories. Aaaaaaand then he took a helicopter to the face and got vaporized by a nuke. A minor setback, haha. But anything after that was open to interpretation, extrapolation, and good ol’ fashioned fudging. I’m adding so much as far as what he does with himself now, what his daily activities are, what he eats, what he thinks about certain things and people… it’s so much fun. As a writer, it’s super fun to be handed a scaffold, bare bones character and fill in the blanks with your own imagination. He really does feel more like an OC at times to me because I’m laying down so many layers of info outside of what was provided to me by the canon.

11. A muse you want to write but don’t because the fandom intimidates you.

Ned Stark from Game of Thrones. I actually did write him very briefly on my fanblog for the character because someone thought it was an RP blog, haha. But it was only one thread and it didn’t last long. It was a lot of fun, though. He ranks very high up there for favorite characters of all time for me and he’s a pretty easy muse for me to write personality-wise, but the fandom and many of the characters are so negative toward him that it makes me just not want to bother. They make fun of him for how he died, they call him Lawful Stupid (a term I deeply resent both as someone with a Lawful Good alignment and someone who plays D&D paladins who have been called Lawful Stupid before), they say he’s not significant because he only lasted one book/season, etc. I just don’t have the energy to always write a muse who’s getting attacked for being an honorable, good person. It irks me to no end and the fandom is just so negative about this and so many other things that I steer clear. But, if you are looking for a great Ned to write your muse with, you might try inquiring with @handofhonor. I’ve never interacted with them but I’ve been reading their RPs for a long time now and they write Ned so beautifully, it’s amazing. They really do him justice.

12. A muse whose personality is close to your own.

Channe. Originally I wrote her as an outlet to freely and safely express my own anxiety, be it social anxiety or OCD or reclusiveness or dependency issues, what have you… without actually writing myself. So she began as kindof a self-insert of my own personality inside a fantasy character with real power, unlike myself. it was a way for me to work through some personal issues, and over the years, Channe has changed as I have changed, and she’s even done better with her issues than I have, heh. This is literally the only time in all the thousands of characters I’ve written over the years where I’ve done anything close to a self-insert.

13. A muse whose personality is very different from your own.

Jix, haha. I… am a negative, pessimistic, cynical, irritable, snippy bitch, hahahaha. So how I wrote the most adorable, precious, cinnamon roll, ray of sunshine, cup of smiles, barrel of cuteness muse, I do not understand, haha. I really don’t get how Jix even came out of my dark, dank, anti-social, emo brain, hahaha. But I’m so glad he did. =)

14. A muse often misunderstood by other muses at first impression.

Aurelien (@a-very-proper-shxde), my fandomless shade OC. A shade is basically a shadow creature. A bodiless being that looks like a black cloud with red eyes who’s made of cool, negatively-charged energy. Technically, I think he qualifies a type of incorporeal undead. The problem with this… is that Aurelien was once a human paladin. As such, he is a nicest, most honorable dude you will meet, but upon seeing him, most people think he’s a demon, or at least immediately assume that he’s evil and hostile. The poor guy constantly has to defend and explain himself after little more than an innocent “hello.” Even then, some muses are wary of him and it takes a while for them to trust him.

15. Your favorite muse you’ve ever written.

Jix, again, heh. Hands down. He makes me so happy to write, he makes me happy with how other muns react to him and to the stories we write, and I love to see plots with him and other muses play out. He’s such an innocent little doot-doot and he’s just so cute you could scream in a good way, and I just love him so much. Like I said before, I have no idea how I was blessed with Jix out of the dusty, cobwebby, brain with a survival horror atmosphere that I seem to have, haha, but I’m so glad that he popped out one day and that I brought him to Tumblr. He’s too fun to write, seriously. I am considering making my upcoming NaNoWriMo project a book about Jix. =) 

[howtohero]

Coming Out of Retirement

Anyway, forget all that. Crime’s not over. You’re not done yet. After being retired for a bit you’ll no doubt start to feel like you’ve made the wrong choice. You used to spend your evenings grappling with triborgs (that’s when three cyborgs get welded together) on top of speeding tricycles (that’s when three unicycles get welded together) and now you’ve traded all that in to play parcheesi with June from down the block on the weekends. June is only one cyborg. That’s not nearly enough cyborg to keep your interest. Retirement was a mistake. More like retire-meh. Boring city. Let’s get you out of there.

The first thing you need to come out of retirement is a motivation to come out of retirement. Maybe you’re bored sure, but sometimes that’s not enough to convince an aging superhuman to put on some tights and knife fight a leprechaun. Sometimes a new threat arrives that really just piques your interest. Like let’s say you’re an avid stamp collector and the latest megalomaniac is building a death ray that’s powered by rare stamps. That’s exactly the kind of crime that you’d be interested in foiling. Probably you’d get lots of cool stamps from grateful civilians if you gave that bad guy a good licking. Or maybe a threat arises that you think only you can defeat. There’s a certain amount of arrogance that comes with this one no doubt, but it can be very effective in rousing yourself out of retirement. Like, your powers aren’t that unique, there are probably thirteen other heroes with your skills that could just as easily deal with the problem. But sure, pull yourself out of retirement to kick a tornado or whatever. Other times your supervillains didn’t take kindly to your retirement and they keep sending you texts asking about what you’re up to and when you’re going to show up to foil they’re latest scheme. Or they’ll kidnap one of your loved ones and force you to come after them. Those guys are so needy gosh.

Once you decide that it’s time to get back into butt-kicking, name-taking game, you need to actually, y’know, do that. Depending on where you retired to, this could be tricky. Most retirement homes don’t just let their residents leave while wearing a hastily sewn together mask and brass knuckles. You’re going to be tackled by an orderly. So you need to be suave. Suave and sneaky. Let this be a test for you. If you can’t figure out how to escape a retirement home, you probably aren’t going to be able to single-handedly defeat The Stamp. Try disguising yourself as a young person. If you look young enough, you’ll be kicked out of the retirement home for elder fraud. Put on some cool guy sunglasses. Dye your hair some ostentatious color like lime green or dark brown and spike it up. Get some skinny jeans and cut holes into the knees. If your hands are too shaky to hold scissors try either falling repeatedly on pavement until the jeans rip, or ask an orderly for help. Get yourself a pair of the wheelie shoes. No old person would ever be caught alive in wheeled shoes. Just try not to fall and crack your head open. If you’re worried about doing this, ask an orderly to support you and hold you up. If you pull all that off you’ll look way too young to be in that retirement center. Or you can just recruit the orderly that tackled you as your sidekick and just leave with him. 

Some superheroes choose to flex their weird factor muscles when going into retirement and eschew the traditional retirement home. They cross over to peaceful retirement dimensions or travel back in time to before everything got weird and they had to keep fighting bank robbers with tentacles and plasma barf. For these heroes, coming out of retirement is going to be a bit more tricky. There are a lot of forces out there that aren’t fans of wonton time travel or dimension-hopping so getting to where you are was probably difficult enough as it was. In some cases you might need to literally invent time travel, which is a good deal more difficult than ripping your jeans and spiking your hair. The easiest solution no doubt is to just start fighting crime wherever you ended up. Sure it might not be the type of high-profile super-crimes you were used to but that’s probably for the best. You retired because you couldn’t keep up with the super-crimes anyway so just live out the rest of your days beating up regular criminals with your superpowers. Have fun!

Once you’ve come out of retirement you need to gather up all the resources and contacts that you gave away or cut loose when you retired. Which was awfully shortsighted of you by the way. This just goes to show that you should never give away your torpedo-slingshot or sell the massive cavern that’s shaped like your head. At most you should rent it out. Then you can always come back to it later. Put the head-shaped cavern up on Lair BnB. The best way to reassemble your crew is to approach each of them individually in places with poor lighting. At first it might seem more efficient to just call them all together at once and announce your return to crime fighting but think about it, you’re getting old, you’re not going to have so many more chances to pull off a dramatic reveal. You’re going to want to pull off as many as you can now. Accost your former super-colleagues in shadowy parking lots, alleyways, blind museums, in the middle of movies at the theater. There’s a fifty/fifty shot that these experienced crime fighters will flip you onto your back when you approach them in the dark. But for those of them that don’t... wow, that’s going to be a cool entrance that they’ll remember forever. 

Once you’ve gotten your network and supplies back, it’s time to return to the world of superheroing. Once again, a dramatic entrance is key. Don’t hold a press conference. Don’t alert anybody outside of your circle that you’re getting back into the game until you’re already back in the game. By that I mean until you’re literally stopping a major super-crime after all hope seemed lost. Picture this, New Golem, the giant rock monster (Not to be confused with Golem, who is also a giant rock monster.) is absolutely wrecking a city. Hero Force has been incapacitated. As have many other superheroes. Hatman has been buried under a ton of rubble. Ultiman was just punched into the stratosphere. Boost: The man From Beyond is more preoccupied with handing out souvenir pens to his adoring fans. Professor Paleontologist was not invited to this fight. Cowboy Rockstar is off founding his own planet based on rock and roll and unlimited candy so he’s unavailable. It seems like the world’s heroes are no match for this threat and then... Boom! What’s this? It’s you! Swooping in from the sky, punching New Golem into the ocean. Everybody is shocked. What was that? Who was that? And then they see you, rising from the ocean, having just vanquished an unvanquishable villain. Once again you’ll be beloved by the whole world who will welcome you back to the superhero community with welcome arms. Probably you’ll even get another parade out of it. What were you ever thinking retiring? The people love you! Who cares if you’re incredibly old and frail. Being retired is for nerds. Go punch a monster. The world needs you! And who would you be to deny them your awesome superheroicness. 

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #164 - Twitches

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes, but I was young.

Do I remember it: Mostly.

Did I see it in theaters: It was a TV movie, so no.

Format: DVD

1) Don’t judge me.

2) Seriously, don’t judge me. Most of us have those movies that we bought as a kid and don’t really watch anymore. That doesn’t mean they’re bad or that we should feel ashamed for owning them, it just means we shouldn’t be judged.

3) Now that no one’s judging me, let’s see which fantasy movie clichés we can cross off in the first few minutes.

Dark vs light? Check.

A prophecy? Check.

Chosen ones? Check.

Questions about their birth? Check.

Magical mentors? Check.

4) I like the idea of the twins being of the sun and the moon and it ties into a surprisingly well done juxtaposition we achieve between the two.

Cam’s Mom: “As long as the sun’s up, she’s up.”

Alex: “If the moon’s up, then I’m up.”

It’s easy to have a twin-relationship feel cliché but the film works with it well. The whole ida of Cam is day and Alex is night. Cam still has her family, Alex is reeling from the loss of hers. The fact that Cam is a skilled artist while Alex is an author. The both have a sense of the future, but Cam feels the positive and Alex feels the negative. And this is just what we get from them BEFORe they meet. Once they do we have Cam’s initial excitement played against Alex’s sheer panic and an immediate bond between the pair which is surprisingly interesting. They compliment each other and complete each other, balance each other out. It’s a surprisingly nice relationship to see play out on screen.

5) Karsh can at times feel wooden to me but I like the pair of him and Illena, the mentors who watch over Cam & Alex. They’re best when they’re together, able to compliment each the other’s personality well and bring out fun sides to them.

(Screenshot taken of a GIF set originally posted by @xkaitiannex)

6) So to get a job Alex walks into a store, bugs the manager (I’m assuming it’s the manager) and starts right away without an interview or training or even submitting a resumé.

(GIF originally posted by @beigency)

7) Okay, I first saw this when I was nine. I immediately called the uncle who married his dead brother’s widow as the bad guy because 1) Lion King and 2) creepy. Also now that I have more knowledge about certain things, I recognize that the name Thantos (that of the evil creepy uncle) is remarkably similar to Thanatos which is the greek personification of death.

Wait a second...this guy was on an episode of “Friends” I found on TV last night. Literally just last night. He played a male nurse. And there is no way I would have noticed that if that episode hadn’t literally been on 13 hours before now. Huh.

8) There is this nice internal conflict with Alex. She has this feeling of guilt over finding a new family and her biological mom when her mother passed away just three months ago (which is remarkably soon, I mean damn). But in all honestly she’s the only one who feels that way. She even blurts out at one point, “I’m not trying to replace my mom!” to Cam when that literally wasn’t part of the conversation they were having at all. It’s a nice bit of a drama to see play out.

9) I was pleasantly surprised by how witty some of these lines were.

Alex: “I’m driving in a Porsche with my twin sister. Magic truly seems to be the logical explanation.”

10) The sisters go from “oh my god, we have magic!” to accepting that and trying to control it REALLY quickly. I guess we have to keep things moving fast in an 86 minute movie.

11) I find the visuals behind Cam’s art to be really strong.

I know they probably didn’t have this in the budget, but I can’t help imagining the scene where Alex gives Coventry’s backstory would hve ben pretty great if they had incorporated this art style into it. Like the Deathly Hallows scenes in the seventh Harry Potter film.

12) So like the next three notes or so are about lines which I think are strong.

Cam [after opening her closet door and entering into Coventry]: “This is not my closet.”

Alex: “In a weird way I’m kinda relieved to hear that.”

13) I love this line, if only for the world implication buildings it has. But mostly because of how it takes a classic sci-fi/fantasy trope and sort of makes fun of it.

Illena: “Oh, the world has infinite dimensions. Well nine. Maybe nine-and-a-half.”

14) I’m Karsh in this situation.

Illena: “I wonder if we should’ve mentioned they’re marked for death.”

[Karsh looks at Illena like he’s on “The Office”.]

Karsh: “Why would we tell them that?”

15) Hey, did I mention Thantos is kinda creep yet? Well, if I haven’t...

Thantos [to his dead brother’s widow, who he’s married to]: “Even though I’ve never laid eyes on your daughters, I already love them as if they were my own.”

(GIF originally posted by @centralperksource)

16) Hey look, another line which is in here purely because I think it’s clever!

Illena [to Karsh, after walking through walls]: “I went through some 70s wallpaper that’s gonna emotionally scar me for life.”

Gonna be honest, that line had me laughing for a good couple of minutes.

17) So apparently Cam lives in a place called Waverly. She is a witch/wizard who lives in a Waverly place...

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

18) This is a Disney Channel Original Movie. You gotta have some cheesy dorky moments that feed right into whatever “SNL” makes fun of about this channel.

Cam [after both she and Alex call themselves Twitches]: “Twin!”

Alex: “Witches!”

Both: “Twitches!”

Roll credits!

19) So far most of the character conflict has been focused on Alex and the guilt she feels over finding a new family. Now we get to see Cam freaking out when things get a little too real for her.

Cam [after The Darkness tries to kill them]: “This was supposed to be fun! You know! Magic and sparkles and castles and unicorns!”

She runs off the first time trouble comes her way, ditching Alex to do so, because she’s never dealt with conflict in her life. She’s never dealt with anything bad in her world before. And she knows this is kinda crappy for her to do and she deals with that, but it’s important for her to face that fear and cower a little first before picking herself up by the bootstraps and moving forward.

20) So for a brief part of the film the Aly & AJ song “Rush” plays. That was my freaking jam as a kid. I like the darkness it has to it and the mystery and the sense of foreboding. I got major nostalgia when I heard it. Next to “Like Whoa” it was my favorite song of the sister-group.

And yes, I am now listening to “Rush” because of this recap.

21) I didn’t mention it before but I like the relationships both Alex and Cam have with their loved ones. The relationship with Cam’s parents specifically are a nice healthy alternative to the “rich girl is forced to meet standards by her parents” (this Kate Winslet in Titanic), instead giving us a relationship of love and humor and warmth.

Cam’s Dad [after Alex gives him a big bear hug and says how much she loves him]: “I don’t know if I’ve just been played or if that was one of those moments which makes parenting all worth while.”

Cam’s Mom: “Oh honey. [She kisses him on the cheek. Beat.] You’ve just been played.”

22) Similarly, the relationship Alex has with her best friend Lucinda has been really strong throughout the film. But Lucinda is very clearly feeling under appreciated by her friend, as this exchange was earlier in the film.

Lucinda: “You’re like family.”

Alex: “Like being the operative word.”

And then after Cam ditches Alex, Lucinda gets this wonderful bit of appreciation.

Alex: “The only person I can ever count on in my life is me.”

Lucinda: “Wow. You know that’s kind of a sucker punch for someone who just made you a birthday cake.”

When I was a kid I was disappointed that Lucinda didn’t show up in Twitches Too (no, I don’t own Twitches Too; so I’m only doing a recap for this one).

23) This message was surprisingly powerful for me. Maybe it’s because of the way the world is or because I wasn’t expecting it, but I think I’m going to hold it close from now on.

Cam’s Mom: “If there’s anything I know it’s that love is infinite. You can always make more when you need it.”

24) I might care more that Thantos was really The Darkness if they’d taken the time to develop him more. But again: 86 minute Disney Channel Original Movie; if it comes down between developing Thantos or the titular witches I’m glad they went with the latter.

25) Man, this WAS released in 2005. I dig it.

26) I’m a sucker for A+ sass game. Except I can’t decide who has the better sass here.

Thantos [to the twins’ biological mother]: “Sadly, you have nothing left.”

Cam: “That’s not true. She has us.”

Thantos: “Thank you, I stand corrected. Sadly, they’re all you have left.”

Alex: “Is he just asking to get slapped?”

27) I like that the final lesson of the film was not that evil is snuffed out with light but with love. I have issues with the trope of darkness = evil and light = good in all media, so while this film does fall into the former of darkness = evil I’m glad they decided that it is love - not light - that beats darkness. I think that’s a good idea to hold onto in this world.

Can I be honest? This was much more enjoyable than I thought it would be. Yes, it’s a Disney Channel Original Movie from 2005 so it’s no Harry Potter. BUT I found myself compelled by the relationship between the titular Twitches. Some of the humor was strong, the lesson of love was effective, and it was just a solid film. If you’re looking for a nostalgia trip, you could do a lot worse than Twitches.

[hawthorne-inmyside]

The Hack Con || Roger and Quinn

Savanna / Roger was getting itchy. This whole Scribe thing was well and good but progress was slow and he kinda missed getting down and dirty with tricking others and treating himself. Which was honestly something he'd never felt before, never given himself a chance too, he'd never gone without for so long. Said something about his psyche, Dodge was sure, but he wasn't that interested in his own mind, he was just ready to satisfy that itch. So he trawled social media as it was spammed with holiday photos and posts, when people were least clammy with their things and right jerks could show their real colour... like himself, no doubt. He just needed a little more, a better confirmation that it was worth it, something to work with. If they were too dishonest, they were bad targets, likewise if they weren't smart enough, but it was hard to judge accurately through a foody's instagram feed and a facebook where half the posts were hidden behind a friend request wall. He needed email. He needed something more, and he'd left his best guy for the job in another dimension. He needed someone new, and that meant going somewhere he wasn't overly fond of, somewhere that didn't appear on google. A new laptop, VPNs for days, and all the old scripts he'd managed to bring with him later, he found himself on the places he could as for these things. Not with a name like this, though. Savanna was an old facade he'd grown to love well, a clever woman with a keen eye for business. He slid into that persona as he put out a request to bait a willing hacker

Savanna: Single hotmail hack required will pay 1/3 in advance 2/3s after. discretion only. message privately if interested.

The holidays were always a slow time for Quinn. Well, they were for Q. This years holidays were a little much for Quinn. So it was hard to escape from everything that was going on in his real life onto the digital landscape he loved so much. People were always much happier during the holidays. They were less invasive, more easily trusting, no one really wanted a hacker during Christmas. So while Quinn normally only took personal requests sent to him, if you needed Q you had to know how to find Q, Quinn had taken to looking through the deep web for other jobs that would be easier. People still knew about Q, of course, especially after his little show in Times Square, so anyone would be happy enough to have Q work for them. He spotted one that looked interesting enough. An email hack would be easy. The client was rather cocky to propose the method of pay (Quinn usually decided that based on the job) but this was honestly something he wanted to do to distract himself from the giant birds and evil deer creatures he'd seen this week. So he sent a private message. 

Q: [PM] What do you need hacked? ~ Q

 It didn't take long for someone to show interest, and given the simplicity of this trick Roger only needed one. Building a network was something he'd focus on another day. If he was lucky he might even get a good one to stick right now. He'd see. The message was short and simple, to the point which he appreciated. People altered the way they spoke online to make them harder to identify, and this was the most common way, cutting out everything important. But Savanna was a talkative lady, and that was half the fun of it. Especially with a nickname like that. 

Savanna : [PM] Books or movies? Target's email, no additional security, simple password hack. How much?

Quinn looked at the response and nodded. That wouldn't be too bad. Books or movies though? He wasn't exactly sure what that meant. Regardless, if it were something important this... Savanna would give it up eventually. That was a weird name to use as well. Either someone who didn't know what they were doing, possible with such a small request, or someone who did. Either way, Quinn would keep up the utmost care, like he did with everything. He'd never been hacked before, and traced only the one time. His first proper hack. 

Q: [PM] Simple. $500 ~Q

Roger smiled, a reasonable enough price. But that wasn't the end of it. Not yet. He needed to know he could actually trust this guy or girl or whatever in between, and was carefully monitoring his own servers for signs of attack as he went. This was pretty unsafe territory, no matter how chartered it was. 

Savanna: [PM] Ben Wishaw, then. $300. How do I know you're any good at what you do?

Quinn had to laugh out loud. She didn't recognize who he was? Maybe she wasn't a professional after all. Well, once she did, and actually looked him up, he was certain that Savanna would be perfectly happy using Q's help. Quinn glanced over at his other monitor, making sure no one was trying to get into his own computer, before responding.

Q:  [PM] My price is $500. Have you never heard of the hacker by the name Q? Look me up and you will see.

 Well, he was cocky. Time to see if it was rightfully earned. Hell, Roger'd only heard of the movie version of Q, but then again, he was literally in another universe. The first google searches were all Spectre too, until he got to some pretty interesting articles about Times Square. Dodge sank back in his chair, impressed. Now it was time for him to start getting this guy's attention. 

Savanna: [PM] $400. Impressive, but I've seen better.

Quinn rolled his eyes. This woman was just being a pain now. Haggling over a price, which normally happened. But it also meant she wasn't just some random person trying to get into their husband's e-mail or something of the sort. No the language they used suggested they were well versed in this. Whether or not it really was some innocent woman or someone who'd done this before, Quinn was not going to let his guard down. 

Q: [PM] $500. You haven't. I'm the best.

Seriously cocky, dangerously so, and a braggart. Pretty useful, but also a bit of a short fuse. Someone to be careful with what Roger trusted, and certainly one not to break masks with. Definitely not a Marley of any kind, at least not yet. People were foolish to think they were the best at anything, by design. If you were the smartest person in a team you'd filled the room wrong, and thinking there was no one better than you was the quickest way to end up in some absurdly high security prison. But for a guy he'd throw away as soon as he got his old guy back, this Q would do perfectly well for now, and would probably be ideal for when he needed to get deeper. And at some point he'd teach them how to negotiate. 

Savanna: [pm] If you say so. Fine. Where do I send the first payment? The email is Sarah.Williams.1984@hotm​ail.de

Quinn grinned and looked at the response. Good, he was getting exactly what he wanted. It wasn't like the pay was outrageous, at least he didn't think it was. And he was fantastic at his job. No one had been able to hack him or find out who he was. Quinn leaned back in his chair, scratching the back of his head. That was a fairly innocuous e-mail. And doing a quick search of the name wouldn't be very helpful either. There were a lot of Sarah Williams he was sure. Regardless, he didn't really need to know that.

Q: [pm] You can send it to this following account: 789-213241-213. Once payment is confirmed I will provide you with the password.

Roger forwarded the cash from his own dud bank account, one that wouldn't lead anywhere near back to him, only to more of his Savanna accounts. He'd been doing this before the internet had been cool, and practice enough that it would take solid, hard work to get things done. 

Savanna: [pm] Check your account, Q.

Quinn got the message and nodded, looking over to his dummy bank account and grinning, transferring things around quickly. His methods too, were untraceable. With that, he went to work at getting the guys password. Passwords were easy, and after a few minutes he had found it.

Q:  [pm] Payment confirmed. The password is: BeaverCreek15

Roger grinned, starting his perusal of her emails with a grin. Oh, this was gonna be good. For a moment, his Ashford woes vanished and the itch to do something truly productive was taking over. He couldn't help his chuckle as adrenaline buzzed through his system.

Savanna: [pm] Pleasure doing business with you, Wishaw. I'm sure you'll hear of me again soon.

Quinn looked over at the last e-mail and smirked. It was an easy job, and at least this woman seemed pleased, whoever she was. 

Q: [PM] Likewise.

[aion-rsa]

Captain Marvel: The History of Goose the Cat

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Everything you need to know about Captain Marvel's feline — or is it flerken? — companion...

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Books

Delia Harrington

Marvel

Feb 28, 2019

Captain Marvel

If you saw the Captain Marvel trailer or poster, you may have noticed Carol Danvers' furry friend. That little fuzzball is known in the comics as Chewie, Carol’s temperamental cat*. For Marvel’s March 8th Captain Marvel movie, Carol’s pet cat is named Goose. While it’s a bummer that we’re losing the Star Wars reference and original name, at least Goose is still a period-appropriate pop culture reference (Top Gun), for which Carol is known, and still a fellow pilot to boot.

*actual species may vary

What’s a Flerken?

A Flerken is a highly intelligent alien from Earth-58163 that takes the shape of a vicious beast known as a housecat. They’re incredibly rare, and reproduce by laying eggs (although it’s not clear if they require a mate to do so…).

Flerkens can attack enemies or defend themselves with the fangs and tentacles hidden in their cheeks, with the aid of the pocket dimensions they have there. Those pocket dimensions are little bubbles of space-time that allow them to store things, like the ultimate intergalactic chipmunk cheek pouch or some kind of facial TARDIS. Any questions?

read more: Captain Marvel First Reactions Are In

Whatever you call her, Chewie was much more than just a pet in the comics. Chewie first appeared in Giant-Size Ms. Marvel #1 (April 2006) and was presumed to be a regular cat until Rocket ran into her in space and immediately called her out for the terrifying, rare murder-species known as a Flerken. Rocket and Chewie have a rather, er, tense relationship.

Carol defended Chewie, but Rocket refused to trust the creature and even tried to sell her on the black market, as the smuggler is wont to do. It turned out Rocket was right: Chewie was a Flerken, the last of her kind. That brought some extremely eager buyers just in time for Chewie’s babies to start hatching (yes, hatching) all over Carol’s ship. Luckily, Captain Marvel fought them off and eventually found a safe planet for the wee flerkens to grow up.

Chewie is part of what makes the Captain Marvel books so much fun – a bait and switch that makes you laugh on both ends, something deadly but also so, so fluffy! Seeing Chewie’s eggs hatch into 117 fluffy little Fler-kitties in a small space pod was delightful, but seeing Chewie unleash holy hell on the black market jerks who came to take them was even more fun. Flerkens are totally deadly, when they want to be. Lucky for Carol, Chewie is a loyal cat. Flerken. Whatever.

Once, when Captain Marvel was fighting the shapeshifter Mim, she took Chewie’s form, taking Carol by surprise. It didn’t take long for Carol to figure out the deception, since Chewie would never attack her human/Kree bff, but it still meant that Carol had to take on a Flerken, tentacles and all.

read more: Rotten Tomatoes Changes Policies in Midst of Captain Marvel Comments Influx

Chewie has never really gotten over her dislike of Rocket, and takes every opportunity to give him a hard time - and he’s not the only one. As Carol’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, James Rhodes was regularly called in to catsit Chewie, who was not at all interested in being catsit. Jessica Drew refuses to watch her.

The few people (other than Carol) who Chewie seems to like/tolerate are Monica Rambeau, Lady Thor, and Wendy Kawasaki, who pet her during their #WomenofMarvel poker nights, and Lt. Commander Abigail Brand, which I can only assume is a matter of respect from one surly badass lady to another.

There’s some fun foreshadowing throughout Kelly Sue DeConnick’s 2012 run about Chewie’s true nature, like when Carol “deputizes” a random civilian to take Chewie to the “secret Avengers base” AKA the vet. The man asks if the cat is dangerous, and Carol deadpans yes. At the time, she had no idea how true this is.

There are other similar jokes throughout, but one of Carol and Chewie’s most memorable experiences together is at the hospital in the lead-up to The Enemy Within crossover. Carol’s doctor told her to come in for some news and recommended she bring friends or family. She was not expecting a cat, alien or otherwise. There was a whole circus of loved ones completely unaware in the waiting room, but it was Chewie who Carol trusted to get her through the bad news of her brain lesion.

read more: Marvel MCU Viewing Order and Timeline

Chewie is always on the lookout to protect Captain Marvel, whether that means guarding her New York apartment from villains, hissing at Rocket while flying through space with the Guardians of the Galaxy, or walking around the Alpha Flight space station like she owns the place. She even “helps” Carol’s mom with the gardening and fights with the Danvers family’s earth-cat Sox when Carol takes time off from being an Avenger to care for her brother after a traumatic brain injury.

Goose's role in the movie.

What role might Goose play in the upcoming Captain Marvel movie? Goose has been heavily featured on Captain Marvel promotion and merch, so we know she will be a big part of the movie—we even get a clip of her with Nick Fury in the trailer. Whatever happens, I’m pulling for Goose to be a Flerken and all that that entails, even if that isn’t revealed right away.

Those giant tentacles would look amazing on the big screen, and there’s something so powerful about people underestimating a sweet little kitty who turns out to be a ferocious and deadly killer. It reinforces the way people underestimate women generally and Carol Danvers specifically, and it also makes for a funny moment when Carol herself finds out that even her cat is an alien.

One other extremely important detail about Flerkens: they’re transportation hubs, literally living gateways to pocket dimensions (Captain Marvel #8, December 2014). Those pocket dimensions they hold in their cheeks, which are how they store their Flerken anatomy inside a cat-sized body, are incredibly important. You can go to other times, places, or even dimensions via Flerkens, though the comics suggest it’s a rather gross experience when Tic uses it so she and Chewie can rejoin Carol on her adventures after Chewie gives birth..

After Avengers: Infinity War, one popular fan theory is that everyone who died when Thanos snapped his finger actually went to another dimension – all the remaining Avengers need to do is retrieve them. What better way than with a Flerken? And how cool (and weird!) would that be to see on the big screen?! After all, we know from the end of Infinity War that Nick Fury summoned Carol Danvers so clearly she will play an important role in Avengers: Endgame. I have my theories about what else that may be, but having a pet who can transport you to another dimension certainly seems like an advantage right about now.

Whatever happens with Goose on screen, whether that means she eventually saves a bunch of Avengers, takes out Nick Fury’s eye, or is just Carol’s best co-pilot, I’m excited for this major Easter egg for the Captain Marvel movie, and I hope we get to keep watching Carol and her space-cat’s adventures for a long time to come.

The full schedule of upcoming Marvel superhero movies can be found here.

Delia Harrington is a freelance writer and photographer focusing on social justice and pop culture through a feminist lens. Read more of her work here.

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