I’m not immune to self inserts..
I think he would listen to my rambles hehe
No context for the last one lmao
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AKSJSJSNIWJSHSANSEUSSJSJSKSJSJ AAAAAA
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Insecure jealous scara keeps on infecting my brain
-🐛
before-healing scara is actually a nightmare of a partner because of his trust issues and, by extension, his intense jealousy. and not the cute kind, but like.. genuinely atrocious behavior like silent treatment, phone checking, cheating accusations, etc. like oh my god. horrific. healing scara is able to identify those unhealthy thought patterns, be like “woah, i’m fucking crazy,” and move on without making it your problem. but now his jealousy is more external to the relationship than internal and therefore very cutesy. like, if someone gets a little too flirty with you at a party, giving u heart eyes and shit.. he’ll pull you off to the side and make you give him your jacket and keep your arm around him the rest of the night. his beef with random girls and guys is insane, not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he doesn’t trust THEM. he’d make those stupid tweets and tiktoks that are like “having a pretty partner is so fucking hard everyone wants them” as if he isn’t crafted by a god himself lol. when he starts feeling a bit icky (worried you’ll wake up and realize you want someone better, etc.), he’ll suck it up and go straight to you for old fashioned reassurance in the form of proper emotional vulnerability. trading “i love you”’s till his body is body’s warm and fuzzy like he’s drunk.. letting you list off every reason you love him, whispering by his ear with your arms wrapped around his waist as he turns pinker and pinker and pinker.. flicking your forehead and keeping his face down because he’s too embarrassed to look you in the eye. nothing tooo worry about silly scara
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losing my mind over teru being surprised that he was unhappy with the arranged marriage.
he just assumed this version of himself would be happy marrying aoi. which leads us to the assumption that if in our timeline he was engaged to aoi, he would be happy. so we can assume he DOES have a crush on her, or at least enjoys her company enough that he wouldn't be mad about marrying her. which leads me to believe that the reason why he didn't enjoy the date with aoi was not that he doesn't like her, but that he doesn't like this version of her, becasue it's not his version of her. because she was acting way different than how she normally does with him, and because she acted with what semeed like unearned intimacy.
he doesn't feel uneasy because he dislikes her, he feels uneasy because this isn't the aoi that he knows, the one he likes. and he was happy when he realized that she doesn't like him because that's more like his timeline's aoi, the aoi who is in love with akane, the aoi he can never have, but admires from a distance, never making the mistake of getting too close because it would only hurt him when she inevitable becomes official with akane.
i think of it like if you gave someone a clone that looks and sounds like their crush, but was seemingly head over heels in love with them for no reason. sure, some may like it for some time, but it's ultimately not the real thing: its not the person they love. and they didn't put in the work to make them like them, or had any real intimacy, so the clone's attraction seems fake. so, they eventually won't enjoy it.
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OHHHHH the mirror shot in this scene between joy and jerome is actually soo excellent i love a good intentional mirror shot because obviously this is a divisive moment for joy right like she has seriously fallen for jerome already but mara is determined to embarrass him so joy is at a crossroads whether to follow her heart or be a good friend. whereas for jerome, with his body almost fully turned away from the mirror, who is earnestly baring his soul, completely vulnerable and honest about his love for joy, noticing that she’s feeling down and determined to make her feel better. it’s like.. the world of difference between keeping a secret that’s eating you up inside on joy’s end and feeling so comfortable and so sure about the person on the other end that you can fully be yourself for jerome. same mirror, two completely different meanings.
i know this scene is so simple but it fits so well within the context of where these two characters stand emotionally because this is essentially the calm before the storm. after this scene jerome is going to learn the truth and there’s a shift in their relationship. both of them are going to be shattered by the end of this play. and it’s because jerome finds out what joy has been so desperate to keep hidden from him, and joy realizes she’s taken for granted all the vulnerability and honesty jerome offered to her only.
so to use these tools! the vanity for a play of all things! to create subtext… in a one-minute b-plot scene!!!! im foaming at the mouth actually. with this scene as well as the first time jerome asks joy out, why do i feel like the director and the editors approached their scenes with such care? like i don’t know just the framing and the actors’ blocking and everything.. is chef’s kiss
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my blog is for the uptight, loud, annoying bitches who are told they can't take a joke, the terribly terribly sad people who mask their grief and loneliness with rage, the “just like your father” girlies, and the mean girls who want to be kind so so so bad but its incredibly hard to curb the poison in their mouth !
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// This is relevant to events currently happening on Wire, but...
Baizhu is one of those muses who proposes early on, in a relationship. I don't mean, like, 5 days in or a month. He still needs to build that trust and cemented dynamic with someone, but once he knows, he doesn't hold back. He doesn't have the luxury of waiting years and years and years. Of going through life conventionally. He could be here one day, gone the next, because of his extremely unpredictable illness.
And he's okay if his partner says no. He will never hold it against them. He understands not everyone will be ready for that, no matter what point of the relationship it's in... but if he really, truly loves someone, he doesn't want to pass away with regrets, having never asked and achieved that dream.
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GUYS :( I was wandering around the world like I do and— a cat came up to me and just- literally, like, PLOPPED ON MY LAP. straight curled up and went to sleep.
call me melodramatic but I AM THE CHOSEN ONE sheuehshywhshs
eee ignore choppy nails please lmaowiehsjs, just don’t have the time
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