#he's even kind of blunt to james with 'put that away will you'

[lilgirl-cumslut]

Yw: cnc, di con, crossing boundaries

You found me on this kink dating app. My profile said “looking for a daddy to violate me”. You couldn’t resist.

We messaged back and forth for a few days and you found out one of my fantasies was to get fucked my multiple men. I also told you I was into cnc.

You and your friends had discussed sharing one girl if you ever found one, and now, you had. I didn’t know it, but you sent screenshots of my nude pics to all your friends and they agreed they all wanted a piece of me. When you suggested to them “surprising me” with the whole group, they were all in.

I finally agreed to meet you for a night together. You mentioned some daddy daughter play, and several of my cnc kinks. I was super excited to find someone who’s kinks seemed to align with my own.

I got all cleaned up and dressed in a cute little school girl outfit. A plaid, pleated skirt with a white top tucked in. I also wore red converse shoes, white thigh high tights, and cute white cotton panties.

I showed up at your house and come to the door. You let me in, with a “hey, baby girl” and a deep, passionate kiss that had my shaved cunt dripping instantly.

We went inside and you put a collar on me that said “princess” and reached underneath my skirt to rub my pussy through the cotton.

My legs were wobbly by the time you stopped. You led me over to the couch and forced me to my knees in front of it. Then you sat down and pulled out your cock.

“Alright, princess. Why don’t you help daddy unwind a little.” You said and pulled out a blunt.

I started sucking you as you lit up and smoked. After your second hit, you gripped my hair, lifted my head and blew smoke into my face. I breathed it in, feeling it buzz in my head. Before I could fulling breathe it out, you forced my head down and make me choke on your cock. My eyes tear up but I let you choke me with your thick cock.

You feed me shotgun after shotgun like this until I’m very lightheaded and I pull away.

“Bad girl. I’m not done with your throat yet.”

“No, daddy. I’m really dizzy.” I say.

“You’re going to tell daddy no?” You ask, pulling my head up to look at you.

“No, daddy…” I say? Getting a little scared. It’s exciting to be scared though and it makes me even wetter.

You give me another shotgun then push my head back down. You start to fuck my throat as your friends start to arrive. I don’t notice them. They slip in through the front door quietly and step into the living room behind me.

You smile at them and use one hand to raise my skirt. My white panties are soaked through and they can all see it.

You motion for them to come closer and your first friend, Eric, steps right up, grabs my underwear and rips the crotch open easily. I feel strange hands and panic, but you hold me down. I’m too high to be able to fight much at all.

As Eric’s cock pushes inside me, he groans. “Mmmm… thanks for sharing your girlfriend with us, James.”

He starts fucking me and you hold my head with both hands as you thrust up into my throat. I gag and gasp for air, but you don’t let me up.

Eric fucks me like in some kind of cheep hooker. All he cares about is getting off. My own juices are dripping down my inner thighs to the floor, betraying me completely.

“Can I cum in your bitch?” Eric asked after a few minutes.

“As deep as you want.” You say. I whimper around your cock and try to fight it but it’s no use. Eric grabs my hips and digs his nails in to keep me still, slamming into my throbbing cunt as he deposits his first load into me.

I try to move when he pulls out, but my body doesn’t cooperate. Instead, you pull me up into your lap and impale me in your hard, wet dick.

When I try to look back at who was fucking me, you grab my head and pin me to your chest. “Who wants her ass while I fuck her?” You groan.

Your second friend, Emory, wasted no time in stepping up.

“No! I can take it in my ass!” I cry.

“Just rub your cock in her wet pussy, that should be enough lube,” you tell him.

He follows your instructions then spreads my cheeks to force his large cock into my tight ass.

I’m crying against you as I cling to your shirt. I’m taking this so well. You were sure I’d use the safe word we set up by now.

Emory works his way into my ass faster than I like I cry and scream as he ruins my pucker with his cock, but I take it.

You both fuck me hard. I’ve never experienced this much pleasure and pain at the same time. It’s overwhelming and I cum hard on your cocks. So hard that I squeeze him out of my ass. Emory shoves it back in and laughs as I scream in pain. “No… please!”

They all laugh, knowing there’s a safe word in place. I glare at you angrily as Emory grunts and empties his balls inside my ass.

He pulls out and his cum pours out of me all over your cock. You keep fucking my pussy. “Mmm.. cum is my favorite lube. I know you’re loving this you little slut.”

I pout, and you slap my face. You finally spin me around to see that there’s 4 guys there I’ve never met before. Jason, a large, black man walks towards me with his large cock in his hand.

“Mmm I am so ready to put a baby in this bitch.”

My eyes get wide as he rubs the head against my clit, your cock sliding in and out of me easily.

“Please don’t get me pregnant!” I whimper. You spread my legs wide and pull out.

“Definitely put a baby in her. This stupid slut deserves it.”

Jason pushes your cock into my ass, then rams his monster inside me. I scream out, feeling way too full. It took only three thrusts for me to cum from the overstimulation, but neither of you slow down. I can hear the others cheering you both on and I pray to whatever god will listen that it ends soon. I’m not sure I can take much more.

Jason leans over us and pounds my pussy like I’m nothing but a cock sleeve. “Take it, bitch. Take my cock.” He grunts with every thrust and I can feel him slamming right against my cervix. Each thrust makes me squeal, the pain sharp on my insides.

“Gunna cum!” He growled after a while, his next thrust hit my cervix and he realized he had more cock to put inside me. He thrust again and the head of his cock popped right inside my cervix. I screamed out and he gave short thrusts as my spasming cervix tightened and milked his cum right out of him.

He groaned and held his cock inside of me for a couple of minutes while you r@ped my newly used ass.

Jason finally managed to pull out of my sore hole. It felt like it was on fire. The last friend, Caleb, stepped up. He was smaller than all of you, but his cock was thick and hooked to the right.

“Damn, James, I can’t believe you found a slut that is begging us to r@pe her.” Caleb grinned.

I hear you grunt behind me and then feel you release your load inside of me. “Mmm damn, that ass is so tight.”

“Mmm… I can have her all to myself now?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Fuck her as much as you like.”

He roughly pushed me off of you, then pinned me to the couch and rammed his thick cock into my tight pussy. I scream out, feeling him stretch me.

He used his body to pin me to the couch and started fucking me hard. I kick and squirm, but you force me to take another shotgun. “Calm down baby. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“N-no…” I whimper weakly.

Caleb fucked me ruthlessly for a while. My body went limp beneath him, too weak to push him off me. Suddenly, he pulled out and I gasped. The head of Caleb’s thick cock pressed against my ass and I yelp. “No!”

“Oh yes. I’ve always wanted to take a bitch’s ass as hard as I want. Bitches always complain I’m too thick, but you’re such a good whore. You’ll let me fuck your ass as much as I want, right?” He ask even as he shoves it inside.

“No… please… stop.” I cry.

Caleb shoves past my tight ring as if it wasn’t there. I scream and cry, thrashiby at how much it hurts.

He doesn’t stop, I can feel him getting close when I can’t take anymore. “P-pine..”

“What was that?” You ask me.

Caleb slams into me hard, forcing the safe word out of my mouth. “PINEAPPLE!!”

“That’s it, Caleb.” You say.

“Fuck, one sec. That’s all I needed!” Caleb says, thrusting a few more times even harder than before. He growls loudly as he cums inside of me. I’m broken and crying beneath him.

“Dude? Get off her.” Another of your friends say.

Caleb pulls out, then forces his way back into my pussy, cumming again. They all just watch as Caleb finishes r@ping both my holes. No one moves to stop him. When he gets off of me I curl into a ball? Crying loudly.

You sit next to me and pet me with a cold empathy. “That’s a good girl.”

After I stop crying, I climb up into your lap and look at you.

“Did you enjoy getting fucked by all of us?” You ask. The guys are sitting around or milling around the house as though ignoring me. I smile at you as you wipe my tears away.

“Yes, daddy, thank you. That was a very nice surprise.”

—-

Reminder: this is a work of fiction based on a sexual fantasy. Safe words and trust are very important. This blog does not condone actual r@pe.

[seriousbrat]

let sirius (and james) be mean

Obviously in SWM both James and Sirius are atrocious towards Snape but I think it's pretty revealing how mean they also are to their best friends, especially Peter:

And while I think James possibly grew out of his mean girl phase to some extent Sirius didn't, at least not fully. To be fair he's usually not outright rude unless he dislikes someone-- mostly, he's dismissive or impatient especially when someone says something he perceives as stupid, as well as being overall insensitive to the feelings of others.

In the prequel they're both fairly insensitive and rude to two terrified Muggles lol, I mean who cares and it's funny but there are examples of Sirius being something of a mean girl later on as an adult. obviously, the famous one:

and yeah you can defend this by saying he was stuck in grimmauld place and frustrated, bla bla bla, I do get it and I still love him and don't think it makes him a terrible person or godfather but objectively this is an incredibly mean thing to say to Harry.

Other somewhat minor instances that nevertheless paint a wide picture:

OotP (I'm leaving out his interactions with Kreacher bc those are self evident)

-------

-------

he's also kind of dismissive towards Harry's feelings at certain points. A good example of this is the stiff "one-armed hug" and gruff goodbye he gives him when they leave for Hogwarts after christmas, or this earlier conversation:

Also, how he talks about Regulus. obviously it's somewhat justified since Sirius believes him to have just been a Death Eater, but he specifically calls Regulus stupid rather than just saying he was a bad person. This is interesting because it can be inferred that Regulus was not stupid at all, given that he figured out the secret of the Horcruxes. imo Sirius was too dismissive of his brother to actually know who he really was.

(and bonus him being snippy with Harry)

GoF

like this is probably true but it's still rude lol, as is this from OotP which has definite mean girl vibes:

next:

so this on its own doesn't seem especially mean but it does come after Sirius has basically dismissed every single thing that Ron has said lol, even raising his hand at one point to shut him up. It's not the worst but imo does indicate his impatience with "stupidity" which we also see in SWM:

and James has this too:

imo this shared feeling of superiority and mutual delight in their own intelligence were big factors in his closeness with james.

ALL THIS TO SAY, Sirius was mean lol ESPECIALLY as a teen. my rude scorpio child. So I think when writing teen Sirius it's an important part of his characterisation (and James's) for him not only to be rude/disdainful to people he hates but also just generally. It's also why it's extra ridiculous that he's portrayed as dumb in fanon seeing as he's very often dismissive and judgmental to those he perceives as being of lesser intelligence.

And this isn't a criticism of Sirius at all, I love him and tbh his mean streak is one of the things that make him so fun to write for me. He's a beloved character and I understand the desire to paint him in a positive light, but he wasn't perfect. As others have said the friendship between the Marauders wasn't something idyllic and aspirational, it's a warning story to Harry. Furthermore, kindness towards Kreacher being something that helps them find the Horcrux is also a lesson for Harry.

Sirius's insensitivity to the feelings of others was what got him killed, his insensitivity and disdain for peter led in part to James and Lily's deaths too. it doesn't make him a terrible person, just a flawed one.

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

imagine waiting for bucky

angst/fluff

The sound of sirens echoed in your eyes and the phantom touch of his hand on yours burned your soul. It was dramatic, but that’s how you felt. Every time he looked in your direction, it hurt. How could this have happened? Months of bliss and bed sharing, his fingers on your skin – his mouth on your neck. The way his arm would sling around your shoulders, walking side by side until you got too silly and wouldn’t stop bumping into him. He’d call for a truce, pull you in for a kiss; every time, it never failed and now he’s standing in front of you after disappearing for months.

“How have you been?”

“Is that supposed to be a joke? I’m not in a funny kind of mood, I’m working.”

Bucky held his tongue because he had no right to object to the tone of your voice or the disdain in your eyes; although he hoped it was all feigned, for show. There were agents everywhere and you were certain you were needed somewhere, so you made it known and began to walk away but then he did the one thing that could stop your heart. He called out your name. Turning back to him, you gave an exhausted what and he walked to you. “Can we talk, please.”

“No.” You were blunt, and he flinched, but he wouldn’t budge. Shoulders collapsing from the tension, you sighed. “I can’t James…”

James.

Ouch.

“I owe you an explanation, let me explain.”

He owed you more than an explanation for his disappearance; if time was something that could be bargained or allotted, he’d owed you a bountiful amount. If love could be calculated and weighed, he’d owe a ton. If you weren’t such a foolish person, you would have never allowed him to approach you but here you were, a foolish fool.

“When I look at you, it hurts.” You confessed; eyes fixated on Bucky. “You’ve been gone for seven months without a goddamn word. Even Sam wouldn’t say where you were; how do you think that made me feel? You’re no coward, Bucky, if you didn’t love me…then you should have told me.”

The man’s demeanor shifted; his fist clinched and his eyes hardened. The change made you angry because what did he have to be angry about? He was the one that left you, he wasn’t the one that put their heart on the line just to be forgotten.

“I’ve always loved you. It’s always been you…but I -I was afraid.” What was there to be afraid of, you questioned, and his eyes softened. “After everything I’ve done, I don’t deserve to have you.”

“Grow up,” you snapped, stepping to him. His eyes matched yours and you reached up, giving him a hefty slap. Through your teeth, you told him to stop being a goddamn martyr. “That wasn’t you, you had no control but I’m not going to keep repeating myself. I can’t be responsible for making you feel worthy, you must forgive yourself - not that there is anything to forgive. The people who know you understand what really happened. You want to punish yourself; I can’t stop you but don’t drag me down with you. I can’t take it.”

The tension between your bodies simmered into a low whisper as Bucky closed his eyes; the sirens echoing in his ears and your phantom touch on his face. When he opened his eyes, you were walking away but you hesitated before turning to him. “Are you coming with me or not?”

No words could be used to describe the relief he felt down to his bones when your hand reached out to him – you were right, he needed to stop punishing himself because it was clear it was hurting those around him…especially you. And he had done enough of that. He had hurt you enough that he’d spend the rest of his lifetime making up for it even if it meant being happy. Being in love and living the life that was once stolen from him.  A smile pulled from your lips when his palm touched yours, fingers gripped yours and you knew all you were was a big talker because even if it meant a life time, you’d always wait for him.  

[lushaletta]

hide with me / james potter

pairing: james potter x fem!reader

warnings: mild swearing, mentions of mental health/anxiety, reader has a panic attack

summary: poorly written drabble in which you have awful anxiety and a lovely james.

a/n: i feel like this feels unfinished i’m so sorry… i clearly lost steam by the end but i hope you all like it! i am such a sucker for some james

⋆ ࣪.  ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ༺ ˖࣪ ˖࣪ ∗

It feels like the world is caving in on you. The ceiling is about to fall down and crush you under its weight.

The voices of those around have all mixed and faded into each other into a jumble of noise. You don’t quite know what Lily is saying, not even sure what Marlene is doing; you can hardly see anything.

A laughable attempt at taking a breath has you panicking more and you stumble out of Alice’s living room and onto her front patio as hot, salty tears sting your face.

The reason as to why you’re suddenly in this state has you confused. One moment, you’re fine and the next, you’re in full breakdown mode.

Fresh air. That’s usually all you need. You let the scent of pine fill your lungs, grounding yourself on the railing. You’re fine, you try to repeat to yourself. You’re fine.

“Hey,” a voice calls out. You whip around and spot a head of dark curls and pretty hazel eyes.

Him. You don’t know whether you’re happy or sad about his presence. There’s a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and he looks gorgeous as ever.

You’ve liked James a long time. Much too long. He’s liked Lily for longer.

You’re sure he knows about your feelings, you’d done a poor job at keeping them secret, and you’d be surprised if at this point he was unaware.

Remus knows because you’d confided in him first. He was sweet about it, stroking your hair and whispering kind words in your ear. Sirius knows from the “powers of deduction”, as he likes to call it.

“Hi,” he says, putting the cig between his fingers, flicking the ash off.

“Hi,” you reply, a little breathless.

He walks over to you, assessing your state. “Are you alright?”

He’s always been awfully caring. It’s half the reason you like him more than what’s healthy.

James knows your ins and outs. Your family history, all your favourite movies, how many freckles you have. He’s committed every part of you to memory.

He treats you like you’re fragile, like a porcelain doll. As if you’d break when dropped.

Maybe it’s self-righteousness. Maybe he’s doing it out of pity. Though, in this moment, it feels anything but.

“Just fine,” you whisper, staring at him so deeply it’s embarrassing.

“You ran off.”

You laugh a humourless laugh. “Did I?”

James nods, looking like he’s inspecting you. It makes you feel a little self-conscious.

A smile creeps across your face. It’s really only to conceal the awkwardness. “What?”

“I think we’re past the point of pretending everything is alright when it isn’t,” he says, matter-of-factly. “Will you tell me what happened?”

The bluntness of his words makes you nervous. He’s not typically so forward.

“I was overwhelmed.”

His arms lace around your shoulders. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay, let’s go, then,” he says, decidedly.

It’s a tempting offer. Being dragged away from all the noise and instead spending the night with James, but you don’t want to disrupt his evening with your feelings. He likes these people. He’s comfortable with them. He’s not like you, you say to yourself.

“No. I’m fine, James, really. Please don’t worry yourself.”

“I was kind of getting tired anyway. We can grab food and you can sleep at my place for the night, hm?” he insists, putting out his cig.

He’s doing it again. That thing where he’s just being so considerate and kind to the point that it bothers you.

“I..” you trail off, looking at the stars instead of his eyes. They’re both really beautiful.

“I’d like for you to come with me, sweetheart. Let’s get away. Just for a bit,” he tries again, gently tilting your face towards his.

You’re going to come with him. You were going to the first time he asked, no matter what, but you need to hear that he wants it.

You crack a smile. “Okay.”

Before midnight, you’re in his car. It’s a bit beaten up and the engine takes a couple of tries before it starts, but it’s a charming vehicle. He’s ordering fries for you, doing all the talking you’re so hesitant to.

There are muffled voices over the speaker. “Just a moment.” James turns to you. “Want a coke, baby?”

You nod, tapping your fingers on the window and fumbling with the button of your seatbelt.

He hands you a paper bag.

“Thank you, James. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me instead of with Lily at the gathering.”

His face contorts into a look of slight confusion as he grabs a fry from your hand. “Why would I want to be with Lily?” It’s not that he doesn’t want to hang out with Lily, it’s just that you could’ve asked about Sirius or Remus or even Frank.

“I mean, you like her, don’t you?” you say, voice quivering. Afraid of the answer.

“She’s a nice girl.” It’s not a no. You’re crushed. You nod your head like you’re unsurprised.

A forced smile makes its way onto your lips. “You two would look good together,” you say, hushed.

His brow quirks. “What? No.” It comes out a little sharp, and he immediately softens. “No, it’s not like that. Sorry.”

“Oh.” You hate yourself for it, but you feel your body immediately relax in relief.

Now he’s the uneasy one. His fingers are tapping on the steering wheel and he’s clearly purposely avoiding your gaze.

“Listen—“

“—I’m sorry,” you cut him off. “Sorry, you first.”

The car comes to a stop at some dark parking lot. James turns to face you. “What are you apologising for?”

Even you’re not too sure. It’s a mix of a few things; Lily, forcing him to stay with you, your anxiety, interrupting him, even. A general apology for your.. you-ness.

“All this. I just want you to be happy, James. I’m really sorry for always making you do this. Comfort me whenever I’m overwhelmed like that.”

He blinks. “I’m happy when I’m with you, sweetheart. Why don’t you understand that I enjoy doing this? I love when we escape from those dumb gatherings and do shit like this. I love it. I love you, damn it.”

Your heart drops. No, it stops. He had to be drunk. He was driving under the influence, surely. A crime. That’s a felony. Your head was absolutely spinning.

You don’t know what to do but stare blankly at him as his face asks you to just say something.

“What?”

“I love you! I don’t even know where you got that whole Lily thing. I love you! It’s always been you!”

Well, shit.

You lower your voice to a whisper. “So do something about it, Potter.”

And he does.

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day 20 - Prompt: Wild @wolfstarmicrofic

January Daily Series - 714 words

<<<Previous Post OR Start Here

The plate Sirius held was dangerously close to being dropped in Remus’s lap. If he didn’t step back quickly, he was going to snog this man senseless just for being kind to him. Regardless of where this sudden wild attraction to Remus’s hands came from, he would be foolish to pursue it.

Pull yourself together! This is Remus!

In just a few short days, he’d learned more about the man than he expected. There was sweet, lovely Remus who obviously adored Padfoot despite being a cat person. Hesitant, cautious Remus who went nearly catatonic at the suggestion of Sirius kissing his cheek. Then there was strong, determined Remus who pulled James from the gnarled grip of certain death and hurt himself in the process.

He was a fascinating blend of contradictions and Sirius wanted to see the connections. To satisfy his curiosity, he would need to rip the bloke apart and see what made those intersections stick. The problem was putting him back together without damaging the pieces.

“That was kind of you to say, Remus, but the world doesn’t need more of my chaos. It needs more of James’s generosity, your thoughtfulness, and Reggie’s blunt honesty.”

“You can’t honestly think that all you contribute is chaos,” Remus refuted, releasing Sirius’s arm. His smile faded to a frown and whatever thread that connected them was broken.

Sirius saw no point in arguing. He straightened and turned toward the kitchen. The weight settling in his chest was uncomfortably familiar. He felt the same way when James defended him from his own criticism. It was dysphoric, in a way. As though the world saw a version of him that he didn’t.

Even though James and his parents attempted to convince him otherwise, Sirius couldn’t pretend that he was as wholesome and kind as they were. He hid his darker thoughts well. Far better than his brother ever did, anyway.

As he turned on the taps and began scrubbing the plates clean, Sirius methodically compartmentalised his thoughts. He refused to let it ruin his lunch date with Remus. Sirius’s hands stilled under the faucet’s warm stream as the word “date” bounced around his mind.

Is this a date? No, definitely not.

Dating a bloke that lived on the opposite side of the country would never work, even if that bloke was as lovely as Remus. Long distance was too hard. He huffed a laugh at himself as he stacked the clean dishes in the drying rack.

That was assuming Remus even wanted to date him. While he’d admitted that he fancied Sirius, that didn’t mean he wanted more than a bit of fun. It was too late for that with Remus. He was already invested.

“Why are you washing my dishes?”

“They needed to be done.”

Sirius shrugged, then added the last dish to the rack. He hadn’t consciously decided to clear out the sink, but the repetitive motion was soothing. After drying his hands on the towel draped over the cupboard door, he leaned back against the counter.

Remus’s lanky figure filled the open doorway. His hand rested on the moulding atop the door and his head was propped against his arm. He looked exhausted, but the man refused to sit and fucking relax.

“Mm-hmm, so you’re not avoiding me because I made things awkward?” Remus asked, gaze flicking over him.

“Of course not.”

“Liar.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes as he folded his arms over his chest. That was a dangerous word to hurl at him mid-debate. He and “liar” had a history.

Remus’s brows scrunched in concern. “Am I wrong?”

“I don’t lie.”

“Alright. Then why did you walk away?” he checked, his tone softening.

Sirius turned to brace his hands on the sink’s edge. He studied the gleaming lines of stainless steel that shimmered beneath the yellowing mushroom light above. This muted, abstract reflection suited him far better than a mirror’s. There was no need to see everything in sharp focus. Some things are better left to the imagination.

“It wasn’t a battle I was prepared to fight.” Sirius glanced sidelong, then shrugged again. “Even the Spartans knew when to regroup.”

“Before they were slaughtered by the Persians? That hardly seems like a fair comparison. I’m not your enemy, Sirius.”

You could still destroy me.

Next Part>>>

[mariana-oconnor]

The Cardboard Box pt 3

OK, so this was mostly solved last part, with a few hanging threads, mainly being the motive and who the second ear belongs to. Our working theory is a man that Mary's husband thought she was having an affair with. But how that all relates to Sarah Cushing and why he sent the ears to her specifically. My best guess is she was encouraging Mary to leave him and 'befriend' this other guy in some way?

“Lestrade has got him all right,” said Holmes, glancing up at me.

Welp, that was quick. I guess no one is dying in a mysterious shipwreck this week, even though there are actual sailors involved this time.

“In accordance with the scheme which we had formed in order to test our theories” [“the ‘we’ is rather fine, Watson, is it not?”]"

Are we going to get Holmes' commentary throughout? That would be fun. Throwing shade at Lestrade here for taking partial credit for everything. Fair.

@ameliahcrowley did the research about May Day and apparently it wasn't in use as a distress signal yet at this time, which surprised me. So this ship name is just retroactively ironic, which is one of the best flavours of irony.

"I found that there was a steward on board of the name of James Browner and that he had acted during the voyage in such an extraordinary manner that the captain had been compelled to relieve him of his duties."

This guy has zero chill, which we already knew because he was going around murdering his wife and sending ears to her relatives, but he fails so completely at getting away with it, it's kind of farcical.

I guess it makes sense that he'd be a bit weird after killing his wife. But at the same time, the kind of effort it takes to cut off ears, pack them in salt and send them off to women in Croydon indicates a level of thought and planning that is clearly not evident anywhere else in his crime. So weird.

"He jumped up when he heard my business, and I had my whistle to my lips to call a couple of river police, who were round the corner, but he seemed to have no heart in him, and he held out his hands quietly enough for the darbies."

This reads as though the guy is feeling guilty or remorseful, but please see prior notes about taking the time to pack ears in salt. The remorse was a really delayed reaction, huh?

Mr Browner's understanding of what he did dawning:

"...bar a big sharp knife such as most sailors have..."

If he has a big sharp knife, why did he use a blunt one to cut the ears off? Unless the blunt just meant 'not as sharp as a scalpel', which seems an unfair benchmark of sharpness to put on a knife. Not everyone can be a scalpel.

"The affair proves, as I always thought it would, to be an extremely simple one, but I am obliged to you for assisting me in my investigation."

This isn't exactly a lie. Except it kind of is. Lestrade at least claimed to think it was just the medical students the whole time, but at the same time he called Holmes in, which seems like a weird thing to do if he was convinced it was a prank?

"I tell you I've not shut an eye in sleep since I did it, and I don't believe I ever will again until I get past all waking."

Again, this is strange to me. Like did he get through the whole posting of the ears and did the guilt set in immediately after that, or did he do that while feeling guilty? which makes no sense. I do not understand this man.

"Ay, the white lamb, she might well be surprised when she read death on a face that had seldom looked anything but love upon her before."

And this does not read like the words of someone who feels remorse. I feel like Jim Browner is a very disturbed individual. This is very creepy. Anyone who compares another person to a 'white lamb' is instantly ten times creepier than they were before. I'm already getting 'my wife drove me to it' delusional self-justification from his language.

"For Sarah Cushing loved me—that's the root of the business—she loved me until all her love turned to poisonous hate when she knew that I thought more of my wife's footmark in the mud than I did of her whole body and soul."

Oh, I did not see that coming. Although thinking back, the way her interactions with him were referred to were a bit weird. I thought it was just a Victorian flare for language coming through, but no.

I said last time that Mary needed better sisters. She really needed better sisters.

"The old one was just a good woman, the second was a devil, and the third was an angel. Sarah was thirty-three, and Mary was twenty-nine when I married."

A devil and an angel? Right, this guy has unrealistic expectations of the women in his life, I can tell you that right away. The Madonna-Whore complex called, Jim, it thinks you might have a problem.

For someone who is so guilty he can't sleep, Jim Browner is trying very hard to seem like the victim here. Dude murdered two people and cut off their ears and he's determined that it's Sarah's fault. I'm not saying she had nothing to do with it, but seems like he's having a little trouble with accountability here.

Also, her seduction of him is very... like she took hold of his hand and looked at him? That's all she did? I was expecting something more overt. Although this is the Victorian era, I guess maybe that's pretty overt by their standards? Or he misread the entire situation.

"Things went on much as before, but after a time I began to find that there was a bit of a change in Mary herself. She had always been so trusting and so innocent, but now she became queer and suspicious, wanting to know where I had been and what I had been doing, and whom my letters were from, and what I had in my pockets, and a thousand such follies."

This whole thing reads very strangely. 'so trusting and so innocent', and the pedestal he seems determined to put his wife on. It's all a little icky. He seems like a remarkably unreliable narrator.

OK, maybe it happened like he says. We have no evidence in the text contradicting him as of yet. But at the same time we only have his word for any of this and it's possible that he hit on Sarah rather than the other way around, she told Mary. OR that neither of them was hitting on each other, but they both thought the other one was hitting on them and things... spiralled.

"I can see now how she was plotting and scheming and poisoning my wife's mind against me."

If this story hadn't ended with him murdering people and mutilating their corpses, I'd be more inclined to believe him at face value, but knowing the extremes he went to, I feel like this is just massive paranoia.

"And then this Alec Fairbairn chipped in, and things became a thousand times blacker."

Ah, we finally get to the owner of the second ear. Alas, poor Alec. You were doomed by the narrative.

“‘It was only a little thing, too. I had come into the parlour unexpected, and as I walked in at the door I saw a light of welcome on my wife's face. But as she saw who it was it faded again, and she turned away with a look of disappointment."

His entire motive is based on two moments when he saw a look in a woman's eyes? Are you kidding me, Mr Browner? Are you a telepath? Can you read their minds? You have no evidence of literally anything and you just murdered people?

Maybe we're getting to the evidence. Maybe you're going to walk in on them in a compromising position, or find a love letter, or overhear a incriminating conversation. But so far all we have is 'my sister-in-law was upset I didn't enjoy her company and held my hand and made eye contact with me' (which I agree was a bit weird, but not conspiracy worthy) and 'my wife looked like she was looking forward to talking to someone who wasn't me'.

“You can do what you like,” says I, “but if Fairbairn shows his face here again I'll send you one of his ears for a keepsake.”

OK, no. You're just going straight to threats of violence. No further proof needed.

“‘Well, I don't know now whether it was pure devilry on the part of this woman, or whether she thought that she could turn me against my wife by encouraging her to misbehave.'"

The paranoia and entitlement is so strong in this one. He's completely irrational. We're all agreed on that, right? Maybe he was right about everything, but he's based all of his conclusions on...

heh...

He's based all his conclusions on vibes.

I played myself.

At least I didn't kill anyone over it.

"'How often she went I don't know, but I followed her one day, and as I broke in at the door Fairbairn got away over the back garden wall, like the cowardly skunk that he was. I swore to my wife that I would kill her if I found her in his company again, and I led her back with me, sobbing and trembling, and as white as a piece of paper.'"

This is slightly more incriminating, but given that there was a threat made to cut off the man's ears, that seems enough reason for him to run away. And death threats are never cool.

"'The thought was in my head as I turned into my own street, and at that moment a cab passed me, and there she was, sitting by the side of Fairbairn, the two chatting and laughing, with never a thought for me as I stood watching them from the footpath.'"

Honestly, at this point if she was having an affair with him I'm kind of okay with that. Mr Browner is clearly paranoid, violent and unstable. Divorce wasn't really an option for her because Victorian divorce laws were sexist and terrible, and from Browner's earlier description Fairbairn seems like a pretty cool guy. I hope she at least had fun before her husband brutally murdered her.

OK, point of Victorian etiquette, was it considered scandalous to be alone in a cab together? To me that's far less intimate than being found alone in a house together. But chatting in a cab? I suppose there isn't a chaperone, so maybe.

“‘Well, I took to my heels, and I ran after the cab. I had a heavy oak stick in my hand, and I tell you I saw red from the first; but as I ran I got cunning, too, and hung back a little to see them without being seen.'"

Either you couldn't think straight OR you could think straight enough to be cunning. You can't have it both ways. That's not how it works. EITHER you're blinded by jealousy and commit a crime of passion, OR you're thinking through your plan. My dude, you're undermining your own argument (although, as mentioned, the ear thing already did that).

They do seem to be having a very nice date. Good for them. Pity about the murderer lurking in the shadows.

And he's spending an entire day stalking them. Yeah, no, Mr Browner, we're way outside of 'blind jealous rage' murder. You hired a boat specifically to hunt them down and kill them without witnesses. This is now officially premeditated.

"'I cleaned myself up, got back to land, and joined my ship without a soul having a suspicion of what had passed. That night I made up the packet for Sarah Cushing, and next day I sent it from Belfast'."

Yeeeaaah, those are not the actions of a remorseful person.

You're just a dick.

If only she'd had good sense and just run the fuck away with Mr Fairbairn and changed her name. Genuinely, usually I'm super against infidelity in all forms, but you seem like a real piece of work. Your story is so full of inconsistencies and irrational jealousy and paranoia that I can't believe half of it.

"'I cannot shut my eyes but I see those two faces staring at me—staring at me as they stared when my boat broke through the haze. I killed them quick, but they are killing me slow; and if I have another night of it I shall be either mad or dead before morning.'"

Can confirm: you are already 'mad'. Your actions were not those of a mentally stable person. Not that that's why you did it. You clearly have problems, but loads of people deal with problems without killing people. You just suck, my dude. And honestly, zero sympathy.

'I feel super guilty about the crime I threatened to commit, then deliberately set up so as not to get caught, then followed up with acts of bodily mutilation, cover-up, and terrorising of the victim's relatives. But now I feel super guilty.'

Yeah, this whole account is just one long rant about how he's not really responsible. It was the women who drove him to it. By... talking to men and... looking at him funny.

“What object is served by this circle of misery and violence and fear? It must tend to some end, or else our universe is ruled by chance, which is unthinkable. But what end? There is the great standing perennial problem to which human reason is as far from an answer as ever.”

Super philosophical at the end there Holmes. Seems like Holmes at least is taking Browner at his word about Sarah, or else the cycle doesn't really make any sense here. Even if Sarah did put events in motion, it's not really a cycle. It's just... a couple of rather horrible people being horrible to each other.

Or maybe he's referring to the death penalty?

Well, this one was weird. Given ACD's predilection for spiritualism and the afterlife, it's possible he intended the guilt plaguing Browner here to be the spirits of the people he murdered, which - given his lack of accountability throughout his own narrative - actually makes more sense. But there's no evidence of that in the text, so that's just me. But mark it down as another score on the 'supernatural Holmes universe' tally.

[easypeasylindyvesey]

here are all the songs on my ITISWNK playlist that y'all can listen to while reading to kinda fit the vibe (if you wish). artists are listed on the left, corresponding songs are listed on the right :)

the 1975: about you, love it if we made it

6LACK: rent free

adele: someone like you, when we were young, all i ask

aidan bissett: more than friends

alicia keys: if i ain't got you

angus & julia stone: take me home

arctic monkeys: i wanna be yours

ariana grande: boyfriend (with social house), be alright, into you, leave me lonely, sometimes, thinking bout you, don't wanna break up again, the boy is mine, we can't be friends (wait for your love), imperfect for you, ordinary things, why try, just a little bit of your heart, safety net, pov, better off, goodnight n go, bad idea, ghostin

aron wright: build it better

berlin: take my breath away

between friends: affection

big time rush: nothing even matters

billie eilish: birds of a feather, i love you

billy joel: turn the lights back on

blackbear: dead inside

børns: electric love, american money

brent faiyaz: wasting time

briston maroney: freakin out on the interstate

bruno mars/silk sonic: leave the door open, after last night, put on a smile, love's train

bryan adams: (everything i do) i do it for you

cage the elephant: come a little closer

calum scott: you are the reason

camila cabello: my oh my, bad kind of butterflies, dream of you

the chainsmokers: closer, it won't kill ya, beach house, if you're serious

chance peña: in my room

chicago: hard to say i'm sorry (2009 remaster)

chris brown: forever

the cinematic orchestra: to build a home

coin: talk too much

coldplay: sparks, yellow, fix you

conan gray: forever with me, disaster, yours, memories

the cranberries: dreams

dave matthews band: crash into me (IYKYK)

dayglow: can i call you tonight?

disclosure: latch

doja cat: agora hills

don toliver: drugs n hella melodies

drake: yebba's heartbreak, imy2, hours in silence, i guess it's fuck me, flight's booked, teenage fever, lose you, from time, summer games, finesse, sooner than later, take care, doing it wrong, the real her, show me a good time, find your heart

dua lipa: break my heart, these walls

duster: stars will fall

dvsn: all that matters (spotify singles)

dylan conrique: birthday cake

eden: sex

ed sheeran: how would you feel (paean)

ellie goulding: close to me, something in the way you move, love me like you do

faye webster: i know you

fitz and the tantrums: out of my league

forest blakk: if you love her

frank ocean: godspeed

french montana: unforgettable

gabrielle aplin: skylight

gavin degraw: she sets the city on fire

gayle: ur just horny

(g)i-dle: i do

giveon: for tonight

gracie abrams: friend, feels like

greyson chance: shut up

grouplove: tongue tied

halsey: now or never, sorry, so good

hannah montana: he could be the one

harry styles: adore you, fine line, grapejuice, as it was, daylight, satellite, meet me in the hallway, two ghosts

hippo campus: way it goes

hoobastank: the reason

hozier: work song, cherry wine- live

hugo brijs: mol y sol

imagine dragons: next to me, start over, wrecked, bad liar

instupendo: comfort chain

james arthur: certain things, car's outside

james bay: wasted on each other

james blunt: you're beautiful

jess benko: a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

john de sohn: love you better

john legend: conversations in the dark

jonas brothers: hesitate, five more minutes

jp saxe: a little bit yours

justin bieber: as i am, off my face

jvke: golden hour

jxdn: beautiful boy

kanye west: heartless, devil in a new dress

katy perry: e.t.

kendrick lamar: die hard

khalid: don't pretend, better

the kid laroi: love again

king princess: 1950

labrinth: skeletons (lexi needed a break)

lana del rey: summertime sadness, a&w, let the light in, lust for life, norman fucking rockwell

lany: if this is the last time

lifehouse: you and me

lil nas x: tales of dominica, void

lil peep: star shopping

little mix: notice

lizzo: if you love me

lizzy mcalpine: ceilings, the elevator, come down soon, like it tends to do, staying, i guess, you forced me to, vortex

lord huron: the night we met

louis tomlinson: written all over your face, lucky again, chicago, angels fly, that's the way love goes

lovelytheband: i should be happy

luke hemmings: place in me, a beautiful dream

the lumineers: where we are, never really mine, just like heaven, sleep on the floor, my eyes, patience, white lie, donna, salt and the sea, slow it down, morning song

m83: wait

maren morris: nervous

maroon 5: stutter, never gonna leave this bed, if i ain't got you - live, bet my heart, it was always you, unkiss me, feelings, my heart is open

max: butterflies

***mazzy star: fade into you*** (this is the song that the fic is based off of!!!)

metro boomin: creepin'

miley cyrus: you - live, rose colored lenses, river

milky chance: stolen dance

mitski: my love mine all mine

monsume: jade

montell fish: fall in love with you., love you more than me

morgan wallen: wasted on you, not good at not, you proof, wine into water

the mowgli's: say it, just say it

muni long: time machine

nessa barrett: die first

ne-yo: let me love you (until you learn to love yourself)

nf: if you want love

niall horan: this town, put a little love on me, still, heaven, meltdown, must be love

nick jonas: close

noah kahan: stick season, come over, strawberry wine, everywhere, everything

ocean park standoff: if you were mine

olivia rodrigo: bad idea right?, logical, love is embarrassing, teenage dream, good 4 u

one direction: steal my girl, where do broken hearts go, fool's gold, spaces, infinity, end of the day, if i could fly, long way down, what a feeling, love you goodbye, temporary fix, a.m., home, kiss you, little things, they don't know about us, truly madly deeply, magic, what makes you beautiful, one thing, i want

parson james: stole the show

partynextdoor: come and see me

patrick watson: je te laisserai des mots

phillip phillips: dancing with your shadows

p!nk: true love

post malone: stay, take what you want, i know, leave, wrapped around your finger

preston pablo: flowers need rain

quinn xcii: let me down, good either way, the lows

rag'n'bone man: anywhere away from here

reneé rapp: in the kitchen

rihanna: stay

ruby haunt: answering machine

ruth b: dandelions (slowed + reverb)

ryan woods: bad texter

saint jhn: the best part of life

sam fischer: ready

sam smith: lay me down

sarah barrios: mourn the living

sarah kinsley: the king

sasha alex sloan: dancing with your ghost

selena gomez: a sweeter place

shawn mendes: it'll be okay, why, wonder

stephen dawes: don't hate me when it's over

stephen sanchez: until i found you (with em beihold)

strawberry guy: mrs magic

suki waterhouse: good looking

surfaces: falling again, find a way, hold onto me baby, so far away, stay

sydney rose: turning page

sza: awkward, snooze

taio cruz: break your heart

tate mcrae: that way, hate myself, go away, run for the hills, hurt my feelings, stay done, messier, think later, slower, you broke me first, wish i loved you in the 90s

taylor swift: out of the woods (TV), this love (TV), i know places (TV), wonderland (TV), you are in love (TV), "slut!" (TV) (FTV), say don't go (TV) (FTV), is it over now? (TV) (FTV), all of the girls you loved before, champagne problems, tolerate it, evermore, august, illicit affairs, invisible string, miss americana & the heartbreak prince, false god, afterglow, question...?, sweet nothing, bigger than the whole sky, would've, could've, should've, message in a bottle (TV) (FTV), dress, sparks fly (TV), the story of us (TV), enchanted (TV), electric touch (TV) (FTV), i can see you (TV) (FTV), fortnight, loml, the alchemy, you're losing me (FTV)

timaland: the way i are

troye sivan: angel baby, talk me down, for him., wild

the walters: i love you so

the weeknd: shameless, earned it, how do i make you love me?, out of time, here we go...again, best friends, don't break my heart, the knowing

whitney houston: i will always love you, i wanna dance with somebody

wrabel: ritual

yungblud: 11 minutes

zach bryan: i remember everything, spotless

zayn: dusk till dawn

**updated 5/28/2024

[backtotheo]

(joe keery, he/him/his, cismale) who is theo clark anyways? ew. you don’t know about him, we’ll bet you want to. they’re feeling thirty and singing karaoke feels like a perfect night to them. rumor has it they’re indecisive and have low self-esteem because they care, but they’re also intelligent and adaptable in the best way. he works to make a little money as an employee at the animal shelter (...but he also walks dogs on rover on the side). they’ve rented on a place on cornelia street in the form of an an apartment. back to december and long live are the song they could dance to the beat of forevermore. (tw: cancer, about 3/4's of the way into the "backstory" section here!)

basics.

full name: theodore james clark. nicknames: honestly? most people just call him theo, though teddy is a family nickname he'd probably still respond to. gender/pronouns: cismale/he/him/his. sexual orientation: extremely bisexual. birthday: july 22nd. star sign: cancer. cancers are known to be highly intuitive, sensitive...and insecure. occupation: proud employee of the animal care center of new york...and he walks dogs for rover on the side.

personality.

positive traits: intelligent, adaptable, caring, honest, empathetic. negative traits: realistic pessimistic, indecisive, blunt, sensitive…but like not talking about those feelings ever?,  low self esteem while being self-centered. hogwarts house: i know jrk sucks and we do not claim her but the man is a hufflepuff…but a burned one. alignment: chaotic neutral. ennegram: 4w5. personality type: infj. 

backstory.

his childhood was normal. happy, even. except for the part where his parents never let him have a dog because they were 'too busy' for one.

because his parents both had pretty demanding jobs, he was put in a ton of after school activities, but he kind of sucked at sports. so he joined boy scouts and took a bunch of different music lessons. he's pretty decent at guitar and piano and can fake his way through some accordion in a pinch.

theo is the oldest of three and was the child his parents placed their hopes on. his mother is a well-known pediatric oncologist at pittsburgh children's hospital and his father teaches biology at carnegie mellon. everyone assumed that theo would follow in their footsteps. and he did...sort of

he studied biology even though it wasn't really his thing because he wasn't paying for college, his parents were...and he minored in both music theory and psychology, which he liked more.

he met one of he most important people in his life while attending duquesne university in caroline davis.

...they didn't hit it off right away. in fact, at first, she was a bit of a thorn in his side. but a little bonding over a mutual love of music (and the food trucks on campus...) and they clicked. he asked her out around homecoming that first year and the rest is history.

they dated for years. it was very serious. he was two weeks away from buying a ring, honestly. but they spent a really big chunk of their relationship long-distance and it was just...hard. he really fucking loves loved her. but you know what they say...if you love it, let it go. or whatever.

during college, he made spending money at a work study job at the school library, but he made more walking dogs so he quit the work study job and started pet-sitting and dog walking most evenings.

this is where his love of animals began and only started to grow the more he spent times with classmates' and neighbors' pets. he decided to apply to vet school instead of med school, much to his mom's chagrin.

he got in!

...and he dropped out 2 semesters in because he hated it.

theo kept up a pretty big lie for the better part of a year, working odd jobs around pittsburgh and maintaining his off-campus apartment and dodging his parents' questions...until his dad was a guest lecturer to one of his vet school classes and he was nowhere to be found.

his parents gave him two choices: go back to vet school or go back to college and get a degree he would use.

theo chose neither. he packed up his shit, hopped on a bus, and moved to new york city with a collection of cassette tapes, a duffel bag of clothes, and whatever was left in his bank account to his name.

his parents didn't exactly disown him during this period, but they didn't reach out. he found out his mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer about 2 months after his move...and she'd been diagnosed a month prior. he heard it from one of his siblings and tried to reach out, but didn't get a response.

she passed away eight months after her diagnosis. he never got a chance to make amends and it's one of his biggest regrets.

he has since reconciled with his dad, but that's something that just..you don't just get over that. he's struggled with it mightily and with the help of a good therapist, he's starting to forgive himself. some.

he intended on reconnecting with caroline when he got there but...well, that didn't turn out so well.

so he couch surfed for a while until he could accept the first non-sketchy craigslist roommate ad he could find and moved into his cornelia street apartment.

he's not sure what he wants to do, really, so he's worked a lot of odd jobs since moving to the city. he's worked at almost every starbucks in an eight block radius of his apartment, bartended for a while, tried his hand working a food truck...but nothing seemed to stick. he paid rent by ubereats-ing most months, until he started walking neighbors' dogs and found something he kind-of-doesn't-hate.

during this in-between time is when he sort of got back into music. one job, he played piano in a restaurant's main dining room. another was a bar where he sweet talked his way into a few gigs. probably ended up meeting the rest of the electric touch crew during this period!

now he's working at the animal shelter, walking dogs using rover, and playing some gigs on the side. thank god for dogs and music.

plots n' stuff.

a roommate. or a few? i could see him having a few to keep costs low and i didn't snag any of the premade skellies for this so if you're down i'm down

found family/besties. i love those vibes especially given he's essentially upped and move away from home knowing like 2 people in the entire city.

people with dogs. either people whose dogs he walks or neighbors who happen to have them. he's like a dog whisperer so if you need a pet sitter he's your guy.

or! shelter volunteers!!!

people from any and all odd job he used to have. like a regular at the coffee shop who can't get their order right now because he left or a co-worker who helped him create a sandwich that's still on a menu at a local restaurant?

random hookups would be an option tbh. he came to new york intending to, like, win back his ex in some kind of rom-com bullshit way, but...well, it hasn't worked out so far.

someone who thought their hookup was more serious than it was would be kind of funny too. we live for miscommunications.

would love some kind of enemies/animosity plot. we'd have to talk it through. could've started with something little and spiraled or maybe they're just besties with caroline and are on her side. or maybe he accidentally ran over your muse's dog's tail on his bike :/

i'm dani. 32. friendly, promise! and i'm open to plotting pretty much anything, honestly! DM's here or on discord are always open to figure some stuff out. i'm danisaurus. over on discord and i'm really looking forward to writing with you all!

[harrisonarchive]

George Harrison, April 1969; photo by The Beatles Book monthly.

“George is easy-going but determined, a superb guitarist who cares much more about the techniques of the music he makes than the other Beatles and has studied his subject with deep care. […] George can be the most polite, kind-natured and considerate of The Beatles. Yet he can be cruel in his bluntness too when he thinks the time is right. […] Summing him up, I’d say he’s a bit too honest for today’s plastic world.” - Tony Barrow (under his pen name Frederick James), The Beatles Book, March 1969

“He’s certainly the least show-businessy of them but he’s also the Memory Man when it comes to harking back to those image-building loud-stomping days in Hamburg or Liverpool. And he’s surely the most dedicated instrumentalist of the four. […] [At an early recording session] ‘Like to ask you about how it all started’… and right away Paul pointed to a lounging George and said: ‘Oh, ah — HE’S your man.’ George talked slowly, taking pains to make sure that every fact offered was accurate. He recalled names and places and dates — putting them in chronological order. He was literally the fount of all knowledge on Beatle matters. And, as the course of info, he became the one I latched on to. For his generous patience I’m still very grateful. […] What also impressed me at this stage was his dedication, love almost, for his guitar. One could see Paul or John virtually sling their guitars away after a show, but George treated his with the utmost reverence… almost as if it was a part of him. He’d re-tune it, polish it, rehearse on it. […] Generally speaking, the quiet, thoughtful, slow-to-anger Beatle, George Harrison, values his friends even if he is slower than most to make friends, and a man with a worthwhile ability to switch off his Beatle-image and retire into his Harrison-image. It’s not too easy to maintain that ability when you are such an important international figure. But I think of him still as the HELPFUL Beatle.” - Billy Shepherd, ibid (x)

[hazel-of-sodor]

Day 10-Torch:All our sins

Day 10-torch

Other Chapters

All our sins

October 1969

A follow up to Day 8-Fall from Glory

Gordon was tired as he pulled away from the empty cars of the midnight express. For all he loved his work, he loved going to sleep in his shed most of all. 

Which is why he let out a groan when he saw Boco. The diesel was off to the side, in a service siding, looking for all the world as if he bore Atlas's load across his frames. His crew were speaking to him, but with no effect.

Gordon slowed to a stop, thinking. "Gordon, is everything okay?" Amanda called. 

The big engine sighed, "Driver, can you put me in the siding with Boco?"

Rain was openly skeptical, "you want us to leave you in a siding, rather than your nice warm shed?"

"No. But it is clear he needs someone to listen to him...and I am the only one available."

"Shouldn't Boco be in his own shed by now?"

"Exactly my point."

Amanda and Rain glanced at each other then sighed, "Alright old boy." Amanda said, "but try to be quick or we actually will leave you there till morning."

"Thank you" Gordon said simply but sincerely.

Boco barely looked up when Gordon rolled quietly into the siding, "It's all right Gordon, you needn't stay awake on my behalf."

"Rubbish. One does not leave another engine in need. You didn't leave me to the devil twins, and I won't leave you to your thoughts. The sooner you confide in me, the sooner we can both find sleep."

Boco huffed in amusement at the pacific's blunt nature but then he looked down dejectedly for a long moment. 

Gordon was about it prompt him again when,

"They scrapped D5701 last week."

Gordon paused, caught off-guard. "Forgive me if I'm wrong," he said slowly, "but he was the troublesome sibling. The one who 'couldn't find an ounce of kindness in him if you shoved it up his axlebox' as you so delicately put it."

The metrovic snorted, "that's him, or rather was..."

Gordon frowned, "It is not the fact he was scrapped that has you like this."

Boco was about to reply in anger when Gordon continued, "We both have lost siblings in these dark times, and while you have always grieved, you have never been so heavy with guilt before. And for the one least deserving at that"

Boco gave a halfhearted chuckle, "I always forget how observant you actually are when you care."

Gordon waited.

"I was...cruel to him when we last spoke. I finally had the upper hand after all those years and I enjoyed it far too much. I was far more worried about proving I was right then trying to reach my brother."

"And did you?" Gordon sloke evenly, and without judgment.

"No. Even when I offered to save him he refused. Said he’d rather die with dignity...and I was relieved." Boco's full distress became apparent, "I was relieved because it was easier that way. Easier for him to remain loyal to the other railway than to save him." His tone was self loathing and guilt.

Gordon was quiet for a long moment, "And did you mean it? When you offered to save him?"

"Of course!," Boco's tone was broken and lost, "he was my brother. I don't know how but I would have tried."

"Then you did the right thing."

Boco tried to reply but Gordon spoke over him. "When it came down to it you offered an engine salvation that was utterly unworthy of it. Despite his treatment of others, and of you. You made an offer in good faith. That he didn't take it is not your fault."

Gordon paused thoughtfully for a moment. "I will not say you did not mistreat him, for I was not there, but I will tell you this much. You are a kind and patient engine Boco. For as long as I have known you, this has been true. Even when you were mistrusted for being a diesel, you were naught but kind to us. Even through Jame's rants, and my own *ahem* indiscretions, you remained as kind and wise as little old Edward.

If you were truly cruel to him, I cannot imagine it being unprovoked..."

"It wasn't." Muttered the diesel’s driver.

"...if not at that moment, then in the years before."

Gordon paused then continued gently, "I have no doubt you regret your treatment of him. No matter how deserving of it he may have been of it. But try to remember that your treatment of him was a mistake that you regret, and that your regret is a far more accurate representation of the engine before me than the mistake."

"But how do I fix this mistake?" Boco all but pleaded with Gordon.

"You don't." Gordon's tone was kind but firm, "You can only try to do better in the future. You cannot unspeak the words given to your brother, just as he cannot take back his. But you can instead take it as a lesson, so that the next time you won't make the same mistake." Gordon lowered his eyes, "There are many of my siblings that I would gladly give up the express for the rest of my days if I meant I could make my last words of how much I loved them rather than of petty rivalry and competition...but I cannot. I can only move forward and do my best to keep others from making my mistakes." For a moment the normally vibrant pacific looked every year of his age."

Boco was quiet for a moment. 

"Thank you."

Gordon buffered up and their crews coupled them together for the trip to the sheds.

"Anytime my friend."

[cockslutpadalecki]

Nowhere Left To Run

Summary: Y/N doesn’t know how her father got in so deep with Steve Rogers, but she knows enough about the man sitting next to her that he’s not someone you want to owe money to.

Characters: Dark!Mob!Steve x Reader.

Words: 2.3K.

Warnings: non-con, dub-con, kidnapping/hostage, explicit sexual content, humiliation, exhibitionism, cream pie, orgasm denial/edging, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, being filmed without consent, spitting, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), 18+.

A/N: My second entry for @writing-in-the-dark-bingo and crossing off a whole five squares (yay!) Bingo card is under the cut. Inspired by a James Deen video I saw eons ago, but have never been able to find it since. Not beta’ed so all errors, spelling mistakes and general bullshit are entirely mine, however do have to give thanks to my darling pre-reader @sweeterthanthis though for her kind words and unwavering support as always. While likes are gold, feedback is golden. My work is my own, therefore I do not give consent for this story to be re-posted or translated to any other site. 

His hand is too warm on your knee. Fiery hot fingers press into your flesh as he squeezes your leg before they begin a feather light dance up your thigh. Your own shoots out to cover his, stopping it in its tracks. Even over the hustle and bustle of the crowded room, you hear him tsk beside you, unimpressed by your attempts to stall his manhandling.

“Now now, don’t forget your place, sweetheart. Remember why you’re here,” he snaps, voice sharp and authoritative.

“Because you kidnapped me?” you sass.

His hand tightens around your thigh, blunt nails cutting into your skin as he flashes you a wicked smile, eyes almost black under the dull lighting above you.

His laugh is deep, mocking even. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”

“How else would you put it?”

“I’ve merely borrowed you,” he says, “just until your Daddy repays his debt.”

You don’t know how your father got in so deep with Steve Rogers, but you know enough about the man sitting next to you that he’s not someone you want to owe money to, even if it is only a dollar. He’d want it back plus overinflated interest.

“Borrowed, hm.” You raise your eyebrows, less than convinced. “You make me sound like I’m a toy to be passed around.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not the sharing type.”

You shoot him a revolted look at the same time while managing to pull your leg from his grasp. He attempts to reach for you again, but you react without thinking, your fingers moments from wrapping around the gun you noticed earlier tucked away in the waistband of his pants.

Reflexes refined, he’s faster than you, grabbing you tightly by the throat. “Don’t even think about it,” he grits.

“If you squeeze, I scream.”

“Go ahead, they don’t care,” he scoffs, glancing around the room before whispering into your ear, “I could fuck you over the pool table and nobody would bat an eyelid.”

You blanch at his words, eyes widening as you try to read him for any indication of deceit but fail to find anyone. He has to be bluffing.

“I need to use the bathroom,” you eventually splutter. He releases his hold from your neck, and slumps back against the booth.

“Have at it,” he raises his hand nonchalantly, waving it in the direction of what you assumed must be the toilet, “just don’t try anything smart, sweetheart.”

-

The only window that can aid your escape is sealed shut, and no matter how many times you slam your palm against it, it doesn’t budge an inch. The ceiling is too high for you to check any loose panels— you’re well and truly stuck.

Defeated, you relieve yourself, mind still whirring as you stare at the back of the bathroom stall door in a daze. Your only way out is through the front, and there’s no way you’ll make it that far without him catching up to you.

Your fate lies in the hands of the patrons sipping their drinks around you. It’s risky, but you have to, at least, try.

Inhaling a deep breath, you slowly open the door that leads straight into the bar, expecting him to be watching and waiting for your return, but you find him mid-conversation with another man. Your heart rate increases as you faintly recognise him as the one who had snatched you from outside your home.

Taking the opportunity to slip out from the doorway unseen, you dart between the groups of people in an attempt to keep yourself hidden and make your way towards the bar. You reach it unnoticed just as the bartender sees you and walks over, eyes drawn together in confusion.

“Can I help ya, young lady?” he asks, concerned.

“Please, you have to help me,” you whisper quickly, “I’m being held here against my will by the man in the far corner of the room. Call 911.”

You notice the man’s eyes flick towards where you’ve been sitting before looking back at you, flashing you a sympathetic smile.

“Ah, Mr. Rogers,” the man finally says over your shoulder, “she yours?”

Your blood runs cold.

An ominous presence suddenly shifts behind you, and you turn on the spot, eyes locking with Steve’s bright blue ones. They’re truly stunning, but the dark and nefarious intent lacing them easily pollutes their beauty.

“Just had to try, didn’t you?” he chides, straightening up to full height.

“No, I was just—” you try to plead, but his fingers curling around your bicep has you swallowing your words. He pulls away from the bar, dragging you effortlessly alongside him and for a moment, you think you’re headed back to your seat, but he strides towards the pool table instead. His earlier words suddenly begin repeating over and over in your head, and you try to wriggle free of his grasp.

“No, no,” you cry out when he forces you over the wooden structure, flipping your skirt up over your backside.

Squirming against him, you slap at his hands as they shred your panties in one ear-splitting rip. As the cold air kisses your bare sex, Steve overpowers your flailing arms, pinning your wrists into the small of your back while he uses his free hand to unbuckle his belt.

You lift your head, screaming “Help! Help me!” at the closest group of people, but they simply avert their gaze and go back to sipping on their drinks.

“Why won’t you help me?” you weep, dropping your head back onto the table, hot tears wetting the green felt beneath you.

Steve presses his weight over your back, whispering huskily into your ear, “I told you they don’t care what happens to you.”

He leans up and enters you roughly in one sharp thrust, almost shunting you halfway up the table. You squeeze your eyes shut as you let out a pained yell when he bottoms out, the sheer stretch of his cock making you wince when he retreats.

“Shit,” you hear him grit out when he fucks back into you, “your Daddy’s been holdin’ out on me, sweetheart. Hidin’ this tight little pussy away.”

The felt scratches painfully at your damp cheek as he quickly sets a merciless pace, each deep thrust causing his cock to kiss your cervix with aching precision.

Your eyes flicker open slowly, landing on another cluster of customers standing at the bar, watching as he tears you apart.

“Please,” you whimper, but they don’t move.

“See,” he laughs, “nobody’s gonna save you. I own this bar, this town. I own you.”

The pain between your thighs soon gives way to shameful pleasure as heat twists and knots in your stomach. Disgust bubbles in your chest as you feel yourself growing wet, your hot slick gathering on his length each time he pulls out.

“How’s she feel, boss?” Someone shouts from the other side of the bar.

“Daddy’s girl’s just drippin’ around my cock,” he chuckles darkly above you. “Think the little slut’s enjoyin’ it.”

You hear laughter ring out— almost like an echo beside you, and suddenly it sounds like everyone is laughing at your predicament.

You cry harder into the felt, ripples of arousal threatening to rip you open at the seams. You can’t possibly come, you just can’t. There is no enjoyment to be had here, even if your body is betraying you with every piston of Steve’s hips.

“Oh sweetheart, you crying?” he mocks, which only makes you weep harder.

As he lets go of your wrists, the prolonged time spent in the position at your back makes your shoulders throb, but you’re soon hoisted upright as Steve pulls you into his arms by a clump of hair.

“If only your Daddy could see you takin’ a poundin’ this good, bet he’d be so proud,” he breathes into your ear.

The mere mention of your father makes you sob— the what ifs, the maybes all rushing through your head as you try to concentrate on anything but the tightening in your heat.

“Maybe I should stop, leave you gaping while all my men have their turn inside you. See how your Daddy would like that when I return you, huh? His little Princess’ cunt all ruined and pumped full of cum.”

The scenario should disgust you— fill you with revulsion, but the words simply make you clamp around his cock even tighter.

“Oh sweetheart, you gonna come?”

You shake your head as tears run down your cheeks, gathering in the divot of your throat. “N-no,” you stammer thickly.

“I can feel you flutterin’ ‘round me,” he says triumphant, hips snapping. “Probably never been fucked this good in your life, have you?”

He tugs on your hair tighter, forcing your head back almost to the point that you’re staring up at the ceiling. You’re so damn close. Can feel it in your grasp, can feel your vision start to blur, but as soon as you begin to crest, the sensation fades and Steve’s slowing down.

Heat rises into your cheeks as you groan out of frustration when he calls out to his men. “Should I let her come yet?”

“No! Let the little whore suffer!” Another voice shouts from somewhere else in the room, and a round of chuckles follow.

“Hear that?” he cajoles. “They don’t think you deserve it. Do you think you do?”

“Please,” you beg, unable to bring yourself to say yes.

Eventually he releases his grip around your hair and forces you back over the table, your ass high in the air. He grabs your leg and lifts it, propping it up over the edge so he can drive inside you even deeper.

“Look at this boys,” Steve laughs when you whine at the new angle. “Her eager little pussy’s swallowin’ me whole.”

You try to shut your legs when his men stand up and circle around you, but Steve’s newly positioned palm over your cheek keeps you in place against the table. Some position themselves behind their boss to watch you getting railed into the middle of next week. Humiliation fills your veins as they jibe and taunt you, but it doesn’t stop the rising heat from burning in your core.

Through blurry vision, you notice a few of his men have their cellphones pointed at you, and you try to angle your head away from the view of their cameras, but Steve grips your chin, holding you still.

“Don’t ya wanna put on a show?” he mocks, and you shake your head. “C’mon, you were fuckin’ ready to make a scene when you tried to get my buddy over there to call the cops.”

“Mmgh,” you muffle out through the hold Steve still has on your jaw.

Even over the cacophony of chants and insults thrown your way, you can hear the disgusting and wet suck of your heat greedily taking his cock.

“Does your Daddy know what a dirty girl you are?” he spits at you as a glob of saliva lands on your lips.

A round of cheers erupts and you feel tears stinging behind your eyelids as you blink them away furiously. Steve smears his hand through the wetness, rubbing it all over your face until he circles back to your lips and hooks a finger into the corner of your cheek.

“Look at the state of you,” Steve hisses as one of his men steps forward to film your tear and spit stained face up close. “Maybe we'll send this little show to Daddy. Let him see how his bargaining chip is workin’ for him, ‘cause lemme tell you something sweetheart, the $50k he owes me sure as hell wouldn’t feel as good wrapped around my cock.”

He brings you to the edge three times, and by the time you’re on the verge of a very teasing round four, you’re no longer crying out of shame. The ache in your cunt is excruciating, and just the smallest amount of stimulation causes a slew of whimpers to tumble from your lips.

“You wanna come, sweetheart?”

“Y-yes, pl-please.”

At your words, Steve lets out an amused laugh, making sure to keep hitting that sweet spot inside you, guaranteed to make you break.

You can feel it. Just out of reach.

Fuck, it’s so close. But he’s going to stop any second now, and you almost prepare yourself for the raging frustration that lays thick in your core, but he keeps going.

Right there, right there, you chant in your head until you realise your lips are moving in time with the words, right there, ri-right—

The fiery pressure building in your pussy finally erupts and you’re coming unforgivably hard. Your limbs seize as your mind blacks out, wave after wave of euphoria claiming you.

As your body sags heavily against the damp felt, you’re only acutely aware of Steve still fucking into you with reckless abandon. You come once more to a plethora of cheers before he finishes, a low rumbling roar bursting from his chest as he empties inside you, painting your insides sticky white.

Steve doesn’t pull out immediately, waiting what feels like forever for his dick to soften as he tugs you back onto two very unsteady feet. When he does finally slide from your abused cunt, the ooze of his cum is hot as it dribbles out over your puffy folds, smearing across your thighs.

You lay there, body heavy and sore as his fingers prod at your sex, pushing his spend back inside you before spreading your pussy lips apart. 

“Get a close up of this, boys,” you hear Steve chuckle and your cheeks flame at the vulgarity. Whimpering, you try to ask him to leave you alone, but it just comes out as a low hum.

“What’s that sweetheart?” Steve shifts behind you, moving to press his weight over your back. “You wanna go home?” he asks you in a soft, but condescending tone.

Fresh tears running over your nose, you nod. “Please.”

“No can do baby, see Daddy told me I could have you until his debt is paid,” he laughs. “You’re gonna be here for a long time.”

***

Steve: @andreasworlsboring101 @cake-writes @deanwinchesterswitch @fandom-princess-forevermore @hurricanerin @oneoftheprettynerds @sammykb1994 @smokeandnailz @syrenavenger @syntheticavenger @vicmc624

ALL CE: @chamberofsloths @dreamlessinparis @imanuglywombat @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay @la-cey @livstilinski @ladydmalfoy @otomefromtheheart @patzammit @stargazingfangirl18 @starlightcrystalline @saiyanprincessswanie@sunwardsss @selfsun @threeminutesoflife @xoxonotme

Forever: @amandamdiehl​ @buttercandy16 @crashdevlin @dangertoozmanykids101 @daughterofthenight117 @donnaintx @danneelsmain @dandywinchesterbras @deangirl93 @doozywoozy @downanddirtydean @foxyjwls007 @gayasslookinass @hoewkeye @heyyouwiththeassbutt @hoboal87 @ilovefanfic86 @jewelswrites-ish @joseyrw @letsby @letsdisneythings​ @mogaruke @notyourtypicalrose @nik2write @novawillowbarnes @obsessivelycapricious @pinkshenanigan @princessmisery666 @rattwritesfics @sea040561 @sweeterthanthis @slutformarvelmen @simpformarvelmenandwoman @stoneyggirl @that-one-gay-girl @warriorqueen1991 @wonder-cole @xoxabs88xox @zooaliaa

[waitimcomingtoo]

This is Me Trying

Part one and two

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader enemies to lovers!

Synopsis: it’s time for secrets to come out

Masterlist

“How’s the project coming along?” You asked as you laid your head in Peter’s lap. You were in his room, like you always were, a month after you officially started dating.

“Just about done.” He answered you. “I made the periods bigger so we’d hit the maximum page length.”

“Ooo.” You snickered. “What a bad boy.”

“I’m really not.” He chuckled and began to play with your hair. “This is the most incriminating thing I’ve done all year.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you were.” You shrugged. “I like bad boys.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. Remember that guy that like died in the war but then came back to life as an assassin? From a few years ago?” You asked as you looked up at him.

“The Winter Soldier?” Peter wondered.

“Yeah. Him.” You nodded. “I wanted to fuck him.”

The bluntness in your tone knocked the wind out of Peter’s chest. Nothing could have prepared him for what you had just said. You were too busy laughing to notice how shaken he was.

“W-what?” He stuttered as you sat up.

“I don’t know.” You laughed. “Like, I knew he was a murderer but I was into it. I wanted to spread him on a cracker.”

Peter pouted and folded his arms, his jealously getting the better of him.

“He’s not as strong as he looks, you know.” Peter got defensive. “And his hair is super greasy. It’s like a freaking slip and slide up there.”

“Hm. That’s a problem for me. I’m more into curls.” You smiled as you ran your fingers through his hair. “And how would you know how strong he is?”

Peter gulped, realizing he had said a little too much. Spider-Man knew how strong Bucky was, but you didn’t know about that.

“I don’t.” He lied. “I’m just assuming.”

“You don’t think he’s strong with that metal arm?” You asked as you pulled up a picture of him on your phone. “His biceps are like the size of my head.”

“They’re only bigger than mine because he’s older. A lot older.” Peter insisted. “Like, he’s geriatric.”

“Oh my God. Look at him!” You ignored Peter’s comment and showed him a picture of Bucky. “I want to suck on his thighs.”

“Ew.” Peter whined. “He’s like 400 years old.”

“So what you’re telling me is he’s experienced.” You raised your eyebrows suggestively. Peter let out an angry huff, jealousy bubbling in his stomach.

“Gross.” He groaned. “Why are you saying this in front of me? I’m your boyfriend. Not him.”

“I’m just kidding, Pete.” You chuckled and cupped his chin. “Plus, he’s basically a fictional character to us. It’s not like he’s some guy we know.”

Peter looked to the side, hating when he had to lie to you. Bucky was someone he knew personally, but you didn’t know that.

“Hm.” Peter mumbled quietly. You noticed Peter’s expression and climbed into lab, straddling his hips.

“Hey, I’m sorry.” You cupped his face and rubbed your nose against his. “I didn’t mean to make you all pouty. I’m only kidding about the Summer Soldier.”

“Winter Soldier.” Peter halfheartedly corrected you.

“Winter Soldier. See?” You shrugged. “I don’t even know his name.”

“You still said you would fuck him, though.” Peter pouted as he looked down at his lap.

“I said I wanted to. Past tense.” You corrected. “I had crush on him when I was like 14. I don’t even think of him or his thunder thighs anymore.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” Peter grumbled. You could tell he was still jealous so you pulled him in for a long kiss.

“It’s true. I only have eyes for you, Pete.” You whispered once you pulled away. He cracked a smile before rolling his eyes at you.

“Right.” He said sarcastically. “Just me and the murderer you want in your pants.”

“Come on.” You whined when he didn’t let up. “Can you even blame me? He works with the Avengers. You have to admit, that’s hot.”

Peter stopped pouting when he heard this. He may not be able to be the kind of bad boy you liked, but he was an Avenger.

“You really think that’s hot?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Duh.” You stated. “Don’t you like the Avengers?”

“Most of them.” He nodded. “But not Bucky.”

“Who’s Bucky?” You asked.

“Sorry.” He shook his head. “The Winter Soldier.”

“Why did you call him Bucky?” You laughed in confusion. You had no idea who James “Bucky” Barnes was. Unlike Peter, who sat across from him at dinner a week before.

“That’s his nickname.” Peter explained without thinking it through.

“I didn’t realize you and the Winter Soldier were on a nickname basis.” You teased. “What does he call you?”

“He doesn’t really talk to me.” Peter shrugged. “He’s really quiet, except when he’s with Cap.”

You sat back suddenly, looking at Peter like he was crazy. He was forgetting who his audience was and how you knew nothing of his double life.

“What?” Peter asked when he saw your face.

“Bucky? Cap?” You repeated his words. “Who are these people? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Bucky goes by, well, Bucky. And most of us call Steve, Cap.” Peter explained. “Well, except for Mr. Stark. He calls him Blondie most of the time.”

“So you’re hanging out with the avengers now?” You raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Well, yeah, when when I’m…” Peter trailed off when he realized his mistake.

“When you’re what?” You asked. Peter knew he backed himself into a corner here. He didn’t want to lie to you anymore, so he figured it was time to tell you the truth. Not that he has much of a choice.

“I have something to tell you.” He stated. “It’s kinda important.”

“Okay.” You nodded and held his hand. “What’s up?”

“Don’t freak out, okay?” He prefaced. “It’s not as crazy as it sounds.”

“Oh.” You gasped. “Are you gay?”

“What? No.” Peter answered immediately. “Why was that your first guess?”

“Well my first guess was steroids but I know how you feel about that.” You mumbled out of the corner of your mouth.

“It’s neither of those things. I’ve Uh…I’ve been bitten.” Peter began, not sure how else to phrase it. You smiled a little, thinking he was flirting.

“So have I.” You mumbled as you brought his hand to your lips to kiss the back of it.

“No. Not like that.” He waved his hand and your face fell. “I mean, yes like that. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.”

“Then what is it, Peter?”

“They do a lot of experimental science at Oscorp. Genetic mutations, stuff like that.” He explained, beating around the bush.

“Why are we talking about Oscorp?” You wondered.

“I broke into one of the labs freshman year.” He explained. “I was trying to figure out some equation my father was working on.”

“Okay.” You said skeptically.

“I ended up in this weird room with all these modified spiders and one bit me. Right here.” He showed you his knuckles, which had a tiny scar on the center. You took his hand and examined the scar closer.

“What is this leading to?”

“After I was bitten, I could do all these things I couldn’t do before.” He told you. “I could climb walls, lift buses, and you know, my biceps grew.”

“You’re telling me a spider bite gave you muscles?”

“I’m telling you that I’m Spider-Man.” He said finally, making the room go silent. It was his first time telling a person on purpose, so it meant a lot to him. Your expression changed from skeptical to serious as you dropped his hand. You reached forward slowly and touched his face, staring at him like you were seeing him for the first time.

“Oh my God.” You whispered. “Peter, you’re…”

He put his hand over yours when you trailed off, anticipating the end of your sentence. Suddenly, you pushed his face away with a smirk.

“Full of shit.” You finished. “You are so full of shit. You almost had me.”

“I’m not.” Peter insisted. “I am Spiderman. I swear.”

“Peter. Be serious.” You whined as you got off his bed. “I thought you had something real to tell me.”

“I am being serious.” He told you. “This is the truth.”

“This is the truth.” You mimicked his voiced, like you used to. “Why would I believe that? Because you called the Fall Fighter by his nickname? Please.”

Peter was starting to grow frustrated. He always feared someone would find out his secret and he’s have to beg them not to tell. He never imagined he’d be sitting in front of his girlfriend, trying to convince her he was Spiderman.

“I know Bucky’s nickname because I know him.” Peter explained as he got off his bed. “It’s the same reason I know how strong he isn’t. He tried to punch me once and I caught his fist before he could. And that thing is made of vibranium. My hand hurt for a week.”

“I don’t get it.” You shrugged. “I don’t get the joke.”

“It’s not a joke. I really am Spiderman.” He insisted. “Mr. Stark recruited me back in 2016 to help him fight Captain America at an airport in Germany.”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “And I killed Princess Diana. I killed her and framed John-“

Peter grabbed your face and kissed you to shut you up, not wanting to hear your jokes when he was trying to tell you the biggest secret of his life.

“Can you shut up for a second?” He asked sweetly when he pulled away. “I’m trying to talk to you about something important. And we both know who really killed her.”

“No you’re not.” You snorted. “You’re trying to mess with me.”

“I’m telling you the truth.” He whined. “Why won’t you believe me?”

“Because you’re saying ridiculous things.” You chuckled as you walked over to your phone, which had been resting on his desk.

“May’s asking what we want for dinner.” You read her text off your screen. “Do you want Chinese again or-“

Before you could finish your sentence, Peter shot a web at your waist and pulled you towards him. You stumbled into his arms before looking down in confusion. You saw the web attached to your hip and tugged at it, but it didn’t come off. You looked at Peter with wide eyes for some answers.

“What the fuck?” You whispered harshly as you yanked on the web.

“Do you believe me now?” He asked as he held up his wrist. You saw the web shooter he had slipped on and touched it carefully. Between the web on your hip and his crazy story, you had no choice but to believe him.

“Well now I’m just embarrassed.” You mumbled sheepishly. “I was pretty sure I was right.”

“I told you you’d have to get used to be being right.” Peter smirked as he helped pull the web off of you. You put your hands on your hips and sighed loudly as you processes the information.

“Okay, wait.” You began. “How have you been Spider-Man this whole time? I’ve seen you fall up the stairs.”

“It’s different when I have the suit on.” He told you. “It gives me confidence.”

“Can I see it?” You asked, a childlike smile on your lips.

“The suit? Sure.” Peter went to his closet and pulled it out of his hiding spot. He brought it over to you, noticing your awestruck expression and smiling.

“Wow.” You whispered as you stared at the folded suit. “Can I touch it?”

“Go ahead.” He smiled, loving how impressed you were. He watched you fondly as you carefully ran your fingertips along the suit, tracing all the lines and details.

“It feels like a football.” You commented, making him laugh.

“Yeah.” He agreed. “I’m not sure what material it is. Mr. Stark made it for me.”

“Tony Stark made this for you?” You gasped.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “A few years ago.”

“Is that when he recruited you?” You wondered. “For Germany?”

“Is it. You listened.” He smiled happily when you remembered little details he had told you.

“Well I can’t tune you out anymore if you’re my boyfriend.” You winked at him before returning your attention to the suit. He blushed a little, appreciating how far you’ve come in your relationship.

“Can you put it on for me?” You asked suddenly as you looked up at him. Peter didn’t expect this reaction, especially not this request.

“Really? You want me to put it on?” He smiled shyly.

“Please?” Your eyes lit up. “I want to see you in it.”

“Okay.” He nodded as he tried to hide his excitement. “I’ll go put it on.”

Peter went into his bathroom and slipped into the suit. He didn’t know why he was as excited as he was to show you. Maybe because you hadn’t caught him in the suit like May and Ned had. He told you his secret willingly, and you asked to know more.

“Are you ready?” You called from the other side of the door. “I feel like I’m waiting to see you walk down the aisle.”

“I’m ready.” He called back as he pressed the center of the suit so it tightened against his skin. He gave himself one last look in the mirror before going back to his bedroom.

“Here it is.” He said sheepishly as he walked towards you. “What do you think?”

Your jaw dropped a little when you saw him. He seemed taller, but you realized it was just because he wasn’t slouching. In his suit, he looked more confident then you had ever seen him. He looked like a hero, and it brought a smile to your face.

“Holy shit.” You whispered as you walked closer to him. You reached forward to touch him, but quickly moved withdrew your hand.

“Are you scared?” He worried when he saw you pull away.

“No. Not of you.” You assured him. “But sometimes I find random glitter on my hands and I’m scared of getting anything on the suit.”

Peter chuckled at your reasoning and picked up your hand.

“It’s okay. You can touch me.” He whispered as he put his hand on his chest. Your eyebrows went up when you felt his warmth through the suit.

“Wow.” You smiled softly. “I didn’t think I’d be able to feel your heartbeat through it”.

“Well you make it beat pretty fast.” He told you as he put his hand over yours.

“Wait.” You pulled away a little. “If you’re Spider-Man, does that mean…”

“Yes?” Peter asked when you trailed off.

“You can set me up with Bucky.” You finished your sentence. “Do you have his number? Tell him I want to wash his hair.”

Peter let out a loud groan, not finding your joke funny. You laughed and tried to pull him back to you, but he kept pulling away.

“I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Come back.” You laughed and tugged on his arm. “Come here. I love you.”

Peter stopped pulling away and froze. When you saw the bewildered look on his face, your smile fell.

“What?” He asked, his voice coming out in a whisper. That shit eating grin you used to hate broke through, lighting up his features. You tried not to let your shock show as you realized what you had said.

“Hm?” You pretended not to understand. “What?”

“What did you just say?” Peter again, now unsure he has heard you correctly.

“I didn’t say anything.” You shrugged, trying to act like you didn’t just tell your boyfriend that you loved him. It’s not that you didn’t mean it, but you didn’t mean to tell him that soon.

“Did you just tell me you loved me?” Peter asked hopefully as he pulled your closer to him.

“Hm. No. Wasn’t me.” You shook your head. “Must have been the wind.”

“My windows are closed.”

“Air conditioning.” You corrected.

“It’s off.”

“Then I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t tell you I loved you. That would be ridiculous. How could I have fallen in love with the most annoying person on the planet?” You asked, questioning yourself more then him. You didn’t know how you had fallen for Peter in such a short amount of time. Just a few months ago, you couldn’t stand him. Now, you were standing in front of him, hoping he loved you back.

“I ask myself that every time I look at you.” He said, making your breath hitch in your throat.

“Are you saying you love me too?” You asked slowly.

“I thought you didn’t tell me you loved me?” He smirked, always taking a chance to tease you.

“I didn’t.” You lied, but you knew you were caught.

“Damn. That’s a shame.” Peter smiled softly. “Because I love you.”

“Yeah.” You smiled back once he confessed his feelings. “I bet you do, loser.”

Peter laughed at your never ending need to insult him before pulling you into a kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep him close. You could feel his gloved hands on the bare skin of your waist and shivered. When you pulled away, you kept your foreheads pressed together.

“I never thought it would be you.” You mumbled as you twirled one of his curls around your finger. “I never thought I’d fall in love with you.”

“It surprised me too.” He chuckled. “I’m glad this happened though. You weren’t just who I wanted to be. You were who I wanted to be with.”

“Promise me you’ll be careful.” You whispered. “I don’t ever want to get a call at three am telling me I need to come to the hospital. And I don’t want to start bringing three roses to the cemetery instead of two.”

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere.” He assured you as he held your face between his hands. He wiped your tears away with his gloves hands and kissed your nose. “I would never go anywhere where you couldn’t follow”.

“Ew.” You sniffled as you wiped your eyes.

“Why ew?” He chuckled.

“We’re gross.” You said. “We fell in love and now we’re gross.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled. “I like being gross with you.”

“I’m gonna throw up.” You gagged, making you both laugh.

“You’ll be okay.” He told you, and you believed him.

“Okay, now that we got that conversation out of the way, I have a lot of questions about all of this.” You said as you gestured to his suit.

“Ask me anything.” He said. “I’ll answer.”

“What did you wear before this?” You wondered. “I saw Spider-Man sightings on the news before 2016.”

Peter went to his closet and pulled out his original Spider-Man suit, the makeshift hoodie he used to wear.

“This. I made it myself.” He said as he handed it to you.

“No kidding.” You teased as you took it from him. “Did you sew this with your feet?”

“It was the best I could do.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m so lucky he made me a real suit. This one was not very protective.”

“Actually, I kind of like it.” You smiled as you held it up. It had bullet holes and tears everywhere. “It shows where you’ve been. And how far you’ve come.”

“I like your way of looking at it.” He smiled. “It’s yours, if you like it so much. I don’t need it anymore.”

“Why don’t you tell people that its you? This would make you famous. Like, Tony Stark famous.” You said as you put the hoodie on. “Don’t you want that? You know, since you’re such a loser at school.”

“Very funny”. He narrowed his eyes at you. “And no, actually. I’m safer this way. Plus, the bad guys can’t tell if I’m scared with the mask on. And it’s fun to have a secret. It gives me an edge.”

“Wow. I did not think me telling you I wanted to fuck the Winter Soldier would lead to all of this.” You poked fun at the situation.

“Me either but I’m glad it did.” He remarked. “I’m happy that you know. And I’m happy that you love me.”

“Well don’t make a big deal out of it.” You mumbled. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed.” He laughed. “This is exciting. It’s all exciting.”

“We get it.” You teased as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “You’re an Avenger, I’m in love with you, yada yada. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It’s the hugest deal.” He insisted. “I want you to meet them. Come meet my team.”

“You want me to meet the Avengers?” You gulped.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to stop by the tower later for a meeting. Why don’t you come with me? This is one of the rare days where everyone is in the tower.”

“Are you sure about this?” You asked him. “What if they don’t like me?”

“They probably won’t.” He said simply. “Since you’re so irritating and everything.”

“Shut up.” You shoved him playfully. “I’m serious. This is way more intimidating than meeting someone’s parents.”

“Don’t be scared. I’ll be holding your hand the entire time.” He said as he kissed your knuckles. “And they’re way less intimidating than they seem. I promise, you’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” You reluctantly agreed. “I’ll meet them. But if I see Bucket, I can’t promise I’ll be able to control my hormones.”

“It’s Bucky.” He corrected. “And I’ll know if you’re getting too, you know, hot and bothered.”

“How would you know?” You asked, and his face flushed.

“Well, one of the powers I got was super smell. I can smell when people are scared or happy or…” He trialed off, too much or a gentleman to say the word.

“Horny?” You asked with a dropped jaw. “You can smell when people are horny?”

“I prefer the term aroused.” He said sheepishly, making you laugh loudly.

“Oh my God. What a pervert.” You teased him.

“It’s not my fault!” He was flustered now. “I didn’t ask for this power.”

“Wait.” You realized. “Can you smell when I’m aroused?”

Peter didn’t answer, but his silence spoke volumes. Your jaw dropped as you playfully smacked him.

“You pervert!” You painfully scolded. “You could smell that and never told me?”

“It’s my my fault.” He whined. “Not all the time, anyway.”

“So when is it your fault?” You folded your arms and he gulped.

“It’s only my fault when I purposefully wear that one white shirt.” He said quietly. “Whenever I’m wearing it, I can always, you know...”

“Smell me?” You nearly screamed. “You wear that shirt just to get a rise out of me? You little slut.”

“I’m not a slut.” Peter laughed. “I could just smell how much you liked it, so I started wearing it more. And in the name of being honest, I can smell you right now.”

“Oh my God. You whore. You little minx.” You taunted playfully. “Using your body for attention like that. What a dirty little slut.”

“I’m not dirty or a slut.” Peter insisted. “You’re the one who gets worked up over a t shirt.”

“Excuse me?” You let out a shocked laugh. “Don’t turn this around on me, mister. I can’t control how I react to your erotic clothing. Especially when you’re the one who can’t even form a sentence around me when I wear that one red skirt.”

“Erotic?” He shot back. “It’s literally a $5 shirt from Target. It’s shapeless. And that skirt could not be shorter. I can literally see your ovaries in it.”

“You give it shape with your stupid spider muscles.” You said as you pointed an accusing finger at him.

“Oh my God.” He gasped. “You’re thinking about the shirt now, aren’t you?”

“No I’m not.” You said quickly.

“Really?” He cocked his head. “Smells like you are.”

Before you could respond, and you had a lot to say, Peter’s phone buzzed.

“It’s Mr. Stark.” He told you. “He said I should come now.”

“We’re finishing this conversation later.” You said as you grabbed your phone. “You’re still in trouble.”

“Whatever you say.” Peter chuckled as he lead you out the door. You thought you were going to the elevator, but Peter brought you to the staircase.

“I don’t walk there.” He said as he lead you up the stairs. He opened the door to the roof and gestured to the edge. “I swing.”

The next thing you knew, you were swinging towards the Avengers tower in Peter’s arms. You held on tightly to him as you tried not to scream in his ear. He was loving how he finally got to show someone what his life was like while you were fearing for your life. Finally, you landed on the balcony of the tower and Peter set you down.

“So?” He asked excitedly. “Did you have fun?”

“You tell me. Can’t you smell my excitement?” You jeered as you caught your breath. Peter knew you weren’t going to drop that for a long time. He took his mask off and lead you inside, not wanting to tell you that he could smell how scared you were.

Finally, he brought you to the conference room where the rest of the Avengers were. Their causal chatter came to a stop when you walked in together and all eyes were on you.

“Hey everyone.” Peter said shyly. “This is my girlfriend, Y/n. Shes gonna sit in on the meeting today.”

“Y/n?” Nat jumped in immediately. “The one who’s hair you used to stick gum in when you were little?”

“I thought Y/n was the girl who filled your locker with extra small condoms and the filmed you when they all fell out.” Sam chuckled, giving you an impressed smile.

“No, wait.” Bruce cut in. “I thought she was the one who started the rumor that Peter didn’t know how to swim.”

“You’re all wrong.” Steve sighed. “Y/n is the one Peter blamed losing the class pet on. Remember? The little rat escaped and he told the class it was her fault.”

“It was a hamster.” Peter cringed. “And it was my fault. Sorry about that.”

“I love you, but I will never forgive you for that.” You smiled softly as you stroked his cheek with your thumb. The team looked at each knowingly at this display of affection.

“Love?” Tony asked as he entered the room. “Are we talking about how much you all love me?”

Tony stopped in his tracks when he saw you standing there. You had forgotten to take off Peter’s original Spider-man hoodie, and it caught Tony off guard. He never thought he’d see that hoodie again, the one that brought him to Peter in the first place. The one he studied and tried to replicate when he made Peter a new suit. The corners of his mouth turned down as he appreciated how much Peter had grown.

“Oh. I see Peter brought a friend.” Tony remarked. “Please, make yourself at home in our top secret facility that no one unauthorized personnel is supposed to enter.”

“Mr. Stark, this is my girlfriend Y/n.” Peter introduced you. You held out your hand for Tony to shake, and he did so without taking his eyes off of you.

“Y/n?” He asked. “The one-“

“Yeah. Probably.” You nodded, making him laugh.

“Nice to meet you, Y/n.” He said as he straightened himself out. “You’re welcome to sit in on the meeting. But if you make any noise, you will be taken out by a sniper.”

“He’s kidding.” Peter whispered to you, but he wasn’t entirely sure. Peter took a seat and you sat on his lap, making him fight back a smile. He was now at an Avengers meeting with his former enemy sitting on his lap, wearing his clothes.

“Thank you, sir.” You smiled at him. “It’s nice to meet you too. All of you. I appreciate everything you guys have done for the world. You’re all really brave.”

“Your boyfriend is pretty brave too.” Steve commented. “He surprises me everytime we work together.”

“I was surprised too.” You agreed. “I didn’t think the biggest loser I knew was protecting Queens.”

Everyone raised their eyebrows at your subtle jab at Peter and it suddenly made sense why the girl he’d been complaint about all these years had the same name as his girlfriend.

“You let her talk to you like that?” Sam teased.

“She can say whatever she wants.” Peter shrugged. “And she does. Do you know how hard it is to get her to stop talking?”

“Not nearly as hard as it is to get you to clean up after yourself, put the toilet seat down, or show up on time for dates.” You replied with a cheery smile. Peter smiled back and took the loss, not wanting to get into it in front of his team. He turned back to Tony and gave him his full attention as the meeting began. You stayed quiet on Peter’s lap as the team discussed their next mission and who would be covering what territory. You made a small noise when Tony gave Peter his assignment, making everyone look at you.

“Whats the matter?” Peter asked as he bounced you a little on his knee.

“I just didn’t realize you were such an important part of the team.” You said. Peter had a big role that required a lot more responsibility than you thought he was capable of. He didn’t seem worried in the slightest, which told you he was used to this much responsibility. Something about Peter’s ambition and ability to take on Avenger level tasks for very appealing to you.

So appealing, in fact, that Peter noticed.

“Hm.” Peter said and he sniffed the air. You folded your lips in, knowing exactly what he was doing. The rest of the team had no idea what was happening, but you knew Peter was trying to get a rise out of you.

“What’s wrong?” Nat took the bait. You pinched Peter’s leg under the table as he took another loud whiff.

“Nothing.” Peter smirked. “It just smells funny in here.”

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[mindofharry]

In which bucky learns how to be a boyfriend.

a whole lot of fluff, clueless bucky and some cuddling, bucky is a sucker for cuddling! this is the last part of the losing you series 🥺 i’ve loved writing this - thank you for the continuous amount of love and support on it.

just a short little piece to finish it off!

losing you masterlist! happy reading!

Waking up early is something bucky does everyday. He doesn’t set an alarm or leave the curtains open before he goes to bed, he just wakes up at 6 in the morning naturally. You absolutely loathe it. Not only does the warmth and your beefy boyfriend leave the bed, bucky barnes does not know how to be quiet. You have to give it to him, he’s been working on a lot of things. His emotions, communication etc. But understanding that you don’t want to wake up at 6am isn’t one of the things he just can’t get over. Every night before bed for the last two weeks he’s asked you to wake up early with him for a coffee and a run, every night you say no. You need your beauty sleep, and you’re working from home at the moment so you’re taking every chance of lie in you can.

“Baby, please” Bucky pleaded, kissing behind your ear as you lay in bed. You were reading a report you wrote up today, and bucky just got back from a mission. You would’ve thought he’d be exhausted after fighting all of those bad guys, but if anything - bucky has more energy. You were kind of hoping he would drop the 6 am thing and just sleep in with you. But no, he’s just as adamant as two weeks ago. Maybe if you weren’t absolutely exhausted from the last couple of months at work you would do this coffee and run with him, you love spending time with bucky.

After the fight, bucky has been better. He hasn’t changed, he’s still the same stubborn and blunt man you met a year ago. But he’s learning every day, going to his therapy sessions, hanging out with friends. Bucky is doing a lot better. He tells you when you’ve hurt his feelings and encourages you to do the same, you communicate and talk through your problems no matter how loud it gets.

Bucky is dropping you to the bar, massaging you whenever you want, getting you cakes and buying you dinner.

And even the simple things where he kisses your temple, or tucks you into his side. Bucky barnes is everything you could ever want and more.

“Why do you want to go out at 6 am?” You giggled turning over to face him, bucky was now on his side his head leaning on his hand, so he was looking down at you. You wanted to know why he was adamant on getting you out at an ungodly hour.

“Just want to spend time with my girl, is that too much to ask for?” He said and you smiled softly, pecking his lips. Your hand goes to his shoulder as you shake your head.

“No it’s not” You said and then nodded to yourself. “Ok, we’ll go for a coffee and a run tomorrow morning” You said, giving in to his pleads. Buckys eyes widened and he immediately buried his head into your neck, his arm going across you waist. You laughed loudly as he kissed down your neck.

“Need to get some sleep then, you’re not going to like me at 6 am”

Bucky tutted at you placing the report that was resting on your stomach on your bedside table. “I like you all the time, no matter how early it is” He said and you smiled placing your lips on his.

“Even when i’m grumpy?” You asked in between kisses.

“Even when you’re grumpy”

With that, you both got out of the bed to do your night time routine. You had been staying over at buckys place for the last couple of days and before that bucky was staying at yours. You like to be around each other, you’re not dependent on each other but you do like to be together. Bucky is so comforted by your energy, always ready to listen, help and offer the best advice you possibly can.

You get out your tooth brush as place it under the tap, and then put the toothpaste on it. Bucky is beside you doing the same to his, you hit your hip of his sending him a little smile to comfort him. You know how he gets before bed. Before this, sex with you was distracting him from all the nightmares and ugly things of the night. Now that you’re together and not doing anything to distract himself from his own harming thoughts, he gets nervous.

Nervous that he might hurt you or injure himself. You know he would never intentionally hurt you, no matter how mean bucky can get he’d never lay a hand on. You’re very sure of that.

You spit the toothpaste out, running your tooth brush under the water.

“You doing ok?” You asked and bucky nodded, cleaning his own tooth brush. You raised an eyebrow leaning against the sink. “I’m just, a little anxious. Nothing new, baby” He said putting his tooth brush away. You pouted and brought him into a hug.

“How about some face masks?” You asked with a grin, before bucky could even blink you had two face masks in your hand and was pulling him over the toilet. You practically pushed you boyfriend onto the toilet seat, he wasn’t wearing a shirt (requested by you) so it made it easier to do the face mask.

You put yours on quickly, and then rushed back to a bored looking bucky.

“You’ll love it” You reassured opening up the packet. Bucky sighed “The things i do for you” He mumbled closing his eyes and placing his hands on either side of you waist.

You place the face mask on your boyfriends face, carefully spreading it over his cheeks and forehead. He had perfect skin, you would be forever jealous of it.

“Feels nice, doesn’t it?”

He nodded leaning into your hand a little bit, you could see he was a little sleepy. “Can we watch an episode of new girl before bed?” You asked and of course bucky nodded. He secretly really liked the show, but he would never tell you that. You already knew, that’s why you asked.

“We’ll wash these off after this episode and then head to bed. Sound good, buck?” You asked and bucky nodded placing a hand on your shoulder guiding you back into the bedroom and grabbing the remote off your dresser. He was really quiet, which was something you’d have to get used to. It was just before bed when he got super quiet and you had to do all the talking. You didn’t mind one bit, bucky is a very good listener. He could listen to you talk for hours on end.

During the episode, bucky lay his head in your lap. You massaged his scalp, sometimes bucky reminds you of a little golden retriever.

“This part is funny” You said and bucky nodded agreeing rubbing at his eyes. You could tell he was tired.

“Why don’t we go wash these off and finish the episode after we get back from our run?”

Bucky sighed and stretched standing up, and then holding out his hands to help you up. You walked in front of him, bucky slapped your ass. He just couldn’t help it, your ass looks amazing in those shorts. You giggled and hit his shoulder.

You washed both of your faces and squished buckys cheeks together, he had a nice glow about him recently.

Bucky would definitely say it’s because of you.

You would say it’s because bucky is actually taking his mental health seriously.

“I love you” Bucky said and you stopped drying his face. You’ve said it before, but bucky had never really understood it until now. You doing all of this for him made him feel so happy, so warm and loved inside. The fact that you would stop watching your favourite show for him, give up your time and good face masks for him and constantly reassure and care for him.

Bucky barnes loves you so fucking much and he just can’t comprehend it, but he’s working on it.

“I love that you’re willing to wake up early for me, and to sit up and cuddle me when you’re obviously tired. I love that you’re always around, ready with advice, i love that you give the best hugs and know the right thing to say all the time” He said you blushed placing a hand on his cheek.

“I love you, Y/N. And i hate that i treated you so badly. I love you, and i’ll never love anyone the way i love you” He said and you bit your lip to try and stop the tears.

“I love you more, james”

And with that you both settled down and went to bed, you turned the tv off and looked over at bucky. “Shirt off or on?” You teased and bucky smirked.

“Is that even a question? Definitely off”

[malum-forev]

Just Like Old Times (Pt. 2)

Summary: After eight years away, (Y/N) returns to the Upper East Side. But her past life filled with money and riches comes with a price. Seeing her first love again, Bucky.

Author's Note: Hiii this is another long oneee. I hope you guys like itttt. Please comment reblog like and everythingggg.

Word Count: 3.2k

Pt. 1

“So, when are you going to tell me about Stark Industries’ mishap with the oil company.” Natasha said simply while sipping red wine.

“Are you seriously going to ask me about work?” (Y/n) laughed as she put on blush. “We haven’t seen each other in two years and that’s what you’re going to ask me?”

“What else is there to ask? I know you haven’t seen Barnes, so any juicy gossip flew out the window.” The redhead replied, taking out a cigarette from her clutch.

“Nat! Are you seriously thinking about lighting that up in here!” She said, motioning her bathroom.

“I was planning on opening a window.” She retorted, pointing at the tiny window in the back of (y/n)’s bathroom. “Don’t be a saint, we’ve smoked worse things in here.”

(Y/n) just rolled her eyes and continuing fussing with her eye makeup. “God, Sam warned me you had become a valley girl. I just didn’t expect for you to become a bore too.”

(Y/n) sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just, this is my first time here in forever and I don’t know, I’m nervous. That’s all.”

“I forgive you. Only if you tell me what the hell went down with that lawsuit. I was assisting in that case and one second it was going great and the next it went to shi-“

“He came to see me.” (Y/n) interrupted. The blunt statement making Natasha choke on the smoke she had just inhaled.

“Barnes?” Natasha questioned incredulously and (y/n) slowly nodded, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

“Bucky, Bucky Barnes. Let me just get this right. We are talking about the same person. Your ex… Bucky Barnes.”

“No, the fucking tooth fairy. Of course James Bucky Barnes!” (Y/n) yelled. “He’s picking me up at six thirty.”

“Fuck, then you do need help.”

“That’s why I asked you over here!” she replied.

“Silly of me to think you would want to see your best friend after two fucking years.” Nat muttered as she started curling (y/n)’s hair. (Y/n) shot her an apologetic smile. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m only not getting pissed off because I know you’ll give me all the case details later.”

“You’re seriously all work no play.” (Y/n) said.

“Welcome back to New York babe.”

A few hours, three coats of mascara, two sets of fake lashes and an insane amount of spandex later, (y/n) was black tie event ready.

“I’ve done my job perfectly.” Natasha looked at her best friend in the mirror, (y/n) was unable to speak. It had been a long time since she had gotten this dressed up. “By the way, he’s here.”

“What? It’s not even 6pm yet!” (Y/n) started to panic as Natasha shoved her out the door, almost making her tumble down the stairs. The commotion interrupted the conversation going on just a few feet down between Bucky and her parents. (Y/n) made her way downstairs.

“Wow.” Was all Bucky said.

“For someone who always has something to say, you’re surprisingly quiet.” (Y/n) said as she stood next to him, trying to appear as collected as she could. Meanwhile, her whole brain was turning to mush.

He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, whispering. “The kind of things I want to say are not quite appropriate if we’re in front of your parents.”

With that said and an unmistakable pink hue on her cheeks, he held out his arm to lead her out of the apartment. “It’s just like Cotillion all over again.” Eleanor cried out.

“I promise to bring her back by curfew.” Bucky joked.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Barnes.” Paul warned, his tough exterior quickly disintegrating as his wife disagreed with him.

“You two come back whenever you feel like it.” Eleanor said, lightly patting Paul on the back. “We’ll see you guys later at the gala.”

The elevator doors quickly opened and soon they were alone. For the first time in eight years. Suddenly, (y/n)’s throat felt dry and her leg started twitching.

“Haven’t even said one word and you’re already nervous.” Bucky noted, taking his hand, and interlocking his fingers with hers. Bringing it up to his lips and planting a soft kiss.

“Maybe elevators make me nervous now.”

“Whatever you say doll.” Bucky chuckled, he guided her towards the lobby and out the front door of the building. Unlocking the car in front of them.

“Are you trying to compensate for something?” (Y/n) smirked as she saw the Aston Martin in front of them. “You know you can’t impress me with cars right? Maybe that works with your weekend girls but not with me.”

Bucky came closer to her and started sniffing. “Is that- is that jealousy I smell?”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Can’t be jealous of something I’ve already had.”

He led her to the passenger seat and opened her door. “If you’ve already had me, then you know I’m not compensating for absolutely anything.”

For the second time in less than an hour, (Y/n) was left with burning red cheeks and speechless. She had forgotten what it felt like to be around Bucky.

“For the record, I know you’re not materialistic like that. I know you’re not impressed by the cars and the suits.” Bucky said as he entered the car, bringing it to life and pulling onto the street. “Who-um- who told you about the girls?”

She scoffed. “I’m not jealous, Buck. We broke up ages ago.”

“I know, I just. I don’t want you to think that way of me. I could care less about what the whole world thinks, I only care about your opinion. And I just, didn’t want you leaving with the wrong impression.” He said, running his hands against the steering wheel.

“And what would be the right impression?” She asked, expecting a witty comment like the ones he had previously said, but instead came an answer she wasn’t expecting.

“That I spend my time with women who don’t mean anything because I’m still waiting for you.”

“Buck-“

“I know, I know what you’re going to say. You’re gonna say that it’s stupid of me to wait for you, that you’ve moved on, that your life in Los Angeles is amazing and you’d never come back. Not even for me.” He whispered the last part. “Trust me, I’ve gone through every answer you could give me for the past eight years.”

He looked over at her, finding her gaze set on the Manhattan skyline. “You’ve always done that, you know?”

She looked back at him. “What?”

“Kept to yourself when you’re stressed out or when you’ve got too much inside that pretty little brain of yours.”

“Well, I used to only talk to you when I was stressed out.” (Y/n) replied with a small smile.

“You can still talk to me.”

“What is this Buck? What is happening right now? We don’t talk in eight years and now we’re supposed to chat like nothing ever happened. And where are we?“ She huffed, looking around the random street they were parked in.

“Oh don’t tell me you don’t remember Brooklyn.” He laughed and turned off the car, getting out.

As he opened her door and stepped out, she looked around. The dark streets would scare anyone but she felt at home. “I’ve got the highest heels on right now, you’re seriously going to make me walk?”

“You’re gonna regret that.” He replied, with the biggest smile on his face. She couldn’t even get another word out when Bucky had already flung her on his shoulders. Picking her up as if she was weightless.

She started laughing uncontrollably. “Put me down!”

“It’s only a couple of streets down.” He smiled. A couple of minutes later they had arrived.

She was about to tell him off about tossing her like a sack of potatoes but when she looked up at the building they were at she just gasped.

“Wow- I had completely forgotten about this place!” She said, pulling her face closer to the steel rails that stood in front of the beautiful brownstone building. She only turned back because of the noise coming from behind her. Bucky was jiggling the keys in her face. “How did you get the keys to this place!”

“I pulled a couple of strings.” He smiled. “And now I’m the owner.”

“Are you serious?” (Y/n) slapped his chest. “Tell me you’re joking!”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah I brought you all the way to Brooklyn just to show you a building I don’t own.”

“Can I open the door?” (Y/n) asked quietly and he nodded. Behind the steel gates and the massive wood front door stood a building full of memories.

“I can’t believe it! It’s exactly how I remember it!” She gasped, looking around the foyer.

“How did you do this? This is the same couch and the same rug and everything.” (Y/n) picked up one of the pillows and pushed it against her face. “It even smells the same.” She mumbled from behind the fabric.

Bucky’s eyes glimmered. This was the moment he had been waiting for. He had been working nonstop to recreate every single detail, for it to be exactly how it was all those years ago. Before Bucky could say anything, she ran to the kitchen. He could hear another gasp, he followed her.

“You even got the copper kitchen and the La Cornue oven and everything.” (Y/n) ran her hands against the expensive gadgets, opening one of the drawers. The only thing inside was a napkin with a phone number. She couldn’t help her face from falling. (Y/n) picked up the napkin and tossed it on the marble counter.

“You wouldn’t want to lose this number.” She muttered, turning around to look at the oven again. “You don’t even bother writing down names anymore? Or do they not care if you call them random pet names like doll?”

She tried to keep her composure but the words seeping out of her lips felt like venom. With each pause she gave, Bucky’s anger level grew.

“Don’t you dare say that.” He spat, knocking his fists down and crumpling up the paper. “This is the fucking decorator’s number. Don’t you dare say that I would bring a fucking girl in here. And don’t you ever even think I would call someone else that. This house is yours, this is your place. It hurts me that you would think I would bring someone in here.”

“I-I’m sorry. I just- it was a stupid joke.” She stuttered and he nodded, running his hand across his face, calming himself down.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too. I overreacted. It’s just, I’ve been working on this place nonstop. Day in and day out, trying to get it ready for you. For whenever you came back. And now you’re here and I can’t believe that I’m actually seeing you. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to be here.” Bucky said, taking out a large stack of papers from another drawer in the kitchen counter. “And now that I’m here and you’re here, after all these years and after all the time this place has taken to become perfect. I can finally give you this.”

She opened the manilla folder and read the first sentence over and over again. “Bucky these are the house’s title papers and deed.”

“I know.” He noted. “And now it’s yours.”

(Y/n) furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”

“I think I’ve left it pretty easy for you doll, just sign on the last page and you’ll be the proud owner of a brownstone.” He smiled, taking a pen out of his suit pocket, and sliding it over to her.

“No, no I don’t understand why you’re doing this? Bucky we haven’t even texted each other in eight years and you’re giving me a ten-million-dollar house?”

Bucky looked around and simply replied. “It’s closer to twenty million. You know with the kitchen and the décor and everything.”

“James I’ve talked more with the barista from Starbucks and he doesn’t even give me a discount when I ask for oat milk!” She ranted, her head spinning.

“Well it’s time to go to another Starbucks, I think.” She came closer to him and put both of her hands on his face, making him look directly to her. His blue eyes sparkling under the chandelier, specks of silver shining through.

“Bucky, I need the truth. Why are you giving me your childhood home, this house has been in your family for generations. I don’t understand why you are doing this.” She said, her voice cracking at the end. She knew what she had to ask him but saying the words would break her heart. “I need to know you’re not doing this because you think I’ll come back if you do, I need to know why. I deserve to know why.”

He put one hand on her neck and slowly brought her closer to him. Her heart racing with only the thought of him pressing his lips to her. But he pushed his lips against her forehead.

“This house, it represents a lot to me. Yes, it’s my childhood home and I have a lot of great memories. But this is also where I grew up, I mean this is where I learned what life was really about. When my dad lost the house to the bank, he swore he would get revenge. I remember my mom sobbing on those front steps as she saw the people getting rid of all her furniture and her belongings. When I was on the street, and everyone at school stopped talking to me, you were the only one there. You were the only one who would still invite me over for dinner. You never cared if I had money or not. You never cared if I could take you out to the most expensive places. You only cared about me. So, when my folks died and I took over the company, I decided I was going to get this place back to what it was. Every single creak and dent this place had, I wanted. Every mirror or couch or spoon, I recreated. Because I know how much you loved this place. Because sometimes the only thing getting me though the past eight years was remembering everything we did here. The blanket you used the first time you stayed over is here, the faucet I broke when we came back from the bar is here, the bed we made love on the first time is here,” He cleared his throat. “Even the pillow you cried on when you told me you were leaving, that’s here. Maybe this house has been in the Barnes family for centuries; but to me this house is yours.”

Bucky took a step back to grab the pen and put it in her hand. “And if one day this house belongs to another Barnes, it will only be because that boy or girl will be my child with you. Because if I’m not forming a family with you, I don’t want a family.”

(Y/n) furrowed her eyebrows, her eyes stinging a little. “So, you’re not doing this because you want me to come back?”

Bucky laughed a little. “I would be lying if I were to say I don’t pray every night to whoever is in charge of this universe, for them to bring you back with me. But, if you don’t want to be with me, I have to respect your decision. And if that is your final answer, then so be it. But I can’t let you go without you having a piece of me, of my history. Because I know I will always carry a piece of you with me. In here,” He said grabbing her hand and placing it on his temple. “And in here.” He lowered her hand and rested it on the left side of his chest. She could feel his steady beat underneath her hand.

(Y/n) puts her head on his chest and lets out a sigh. “I could never forget you. Not one day passed that I didn’t think of you.”

“I’m kind of a hard one to forget.” He says, his laughter booming inside of him making her smile.

“You were never into subtle gestures.” She said and he nodded.

“I want you to have this, please accept.” He whispered into her ear, his voice intoxicating. Nothing was left but for her to sign the papers. And she did.

Bucky grabbed the champagne from the otherwise empty refrigerator and opened it with a loud pop. Pouring it into two champagne flutes. After they clinked the glasses together, silence fell upon the couple.

“Do you ever think,” (y/n) paused. “Do you ever think it was a mistake for us to break up?”

Bucky looked down at his glass. “I’m not the kind of person that regrets their actions, you know that about me (Y/n). If we hadn’t broken up, I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be there. I think everything happens for a reason.”

The once quiet room was now booming with laughter. Bucky’s frown turned into a confused smile, making (y/n) embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for laughing. It’s just- I can’t believe you just said that. You know that’s utter bullshit.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I forgot you always call my bluff.”

“James, you know I’m happy. I love living in Malibu and working on my passion. But sometimes I can’t help thinking, maybe we were just two kids afraid of the future. Maybe we were just in over our heads. We didn’t know how to process what was happening.”

“I never wanted to stop you from doing what you wanted, and I knew I could never leave here. Not when my dad had just passed.”

“And I never wanted you to stop you from living your dream.”

“That’s why I never called.” They both said at the same time. (Y/n) shook her head laughing, taking her hand in his.

“Maybe we just loved each other too much for either of us to be selfish.” She told him.

“And maybe one of us should have been selfish.” He whispered looking down at her, their lips only a few inches away from each other.

“Maybe I should have stayed.” She replied, coming closer to him.

“Maybe I should have followed you.” He added, his breath hitching at his throat.

“Why won’t you kiss me?” She asked, looking down at his lips.

“Because I’m scared. If I kiss you, I don’t think I could go another eight years without doing it again.” He confessed.

“Who says it has to be eight years?” With that, Bucky crashed his lips against hers. It felt like the first time, a mixture of anger and love combined in one simple action. He felt like a little kid again, kissing her in his childhood kitchen. So many things had happened between the two, but everything seemed to disappear once they shared a kiss. They separated, she rested her head against his.

“What are we going to do now?” She asked him but he just raised his shoulders.

“I don’t know, I just want you. I want to be with you. Please don’t ever leave again.” He murmured.

Tags:

@ mxrvelinhrt @baby-banana @stucky-my-shiptoothhurtyam@bluemoon-icecream @seybox@supraveng@jasmine19346@what-a-beautiful-mess-i-made@maladaptivexxdaydreaming@confuscita@eviesaurusrex@girlfriday007@starryeyeseunbyul@thevampire97@sadisticfries@440mxs-wife @rslizj@enchantedbarnes@whitewolfsdoll @mrsbarnesx @jennyversebucky @arcanebabe@143amberrose @silentkiller2374 @samantha1sodone @just-that-dumb-bitch @caillouthebabywitch

[gabzs-things]

hi fellow villian, saw that you are taking requests... please could you do a ben one where there is a misunderstanding with your boy best friend and you and ben thinks you are cheating ? just angsty with loads of fluffy fluff at the end? ty also have you got a prediction for the man u game v villa ?

Hello claret and blue xx ty for being my first requester , I am not planning on writing loads but who knows I might do. I'm not that great and have never written for this fandom yet so fingers crossed you like it claretian xx p.s this has probably been done before undoubtedly. also it's kind of short and probs doesn't make sense... oh well !

title: All Just A Missunderstanding

quote: "I'm so sorry"

song: "Can't pretend - Tom Odell"

warnings: panic attacks, accusations, yelling , references to sex and I think that's it let me know if I need to add , happy reading.

a/n ; well as I blogged about that is my third live football match upcoming (man u vs villa) however there are 2 in the same week 1 for the fa cup (I think) and the other for the prem (the one I am going to) hope fully it is Aston Villa 2-1 Man United !!

You sat sprawled on the sofa in yours and Ben's living room watching his game on the TV, cradling your 12 week old baby boy James Wayne Chilwell. (After his middle name not madders) Wayne being his fathers name. Ben had just scored the winning goal in the 93rd minute, so you had it set in your mind that when he returned home later he would be in a very good mood. You could not be more wrong. Learning that Ben was on his way home through a very blunt text message you went to place James upstairs in his nursery to sleep as you thought that when ben got home he would want to spend time with you. You placed James into his crib, checked that the baby monitor was working and left the room. Walking down the stairs , you heard the familiar noise of Ben struggling to get into your house despite moving into it with you 4 years ago. He eventually entered, taking off his trainers and coat and putting them in their respective places.

"I'm so proud of you, my love, great goal." you chirped up , breaking the silence.

"Yep." he replied. Brushing off your comment and moving into the kitchen and helping himself to a smoothie out of the fridge.

"Do you want to watch a film, oh wait no, even better I have Game Of Thrones lined up? James is in bed , we can have a quiet night in ?" you spoke hopefully.

"WILL YOU JUST STOP PRETENDING YOU LOVE ME !" He yelled in your face. Ben had never yelled at you like this before , never mind denying how much you love him. It actually scared you , you have never seen him this angry. Your feet shuffled backwards as you backed down.

"I'm sorry, I do really love you !" "What would make you say that ?" You replied , trying to find the source of his sudden out burst. He paused for a few moments realizing he had startled you, feeling bad for yelling but he was still seeing red and green.

"Well maybe if you weren't shagging my best friend I wouldn't think it !" You felt your throat closing up, you couldn't breathe, dropping to your knees ,heaving with uncontrollable sobs. "What are you going on about?" You asked feeling weak and betrayed. He immediately runs over to you recognising the panic attack signs like the back of his hand, scooping you up in his arms trying to calm you down and make you more relaxed. You swat him away , darting for your sons bedroom. Ben himself started crying , now realizing how irrational and accusatorial he was being from something he read in the media !

He trudged up the stairs with a guilt written face, knowing where to find you. He peeped his head around the door , you not realising his presence, you cradling your baby boy in his slumber state, perched upon a beanbag. He came so sit behind you and support your body. Ignoring at first you pretended not to notice moving your focus back to James. Wrapping his arms around you he kissed your temple, hushing your quiet cries.

"I'm so so sorry." "I shouldn't have assumed." "Please, hun, please forgive me ?" "Ugh I'm such an idio-" you cut of his pleading apologies with a long kiss.

"It's ok Ben, this is a learning curve, I'm sure you were more angry at (his best friends name) more than me and the fact that you were upset shows that you care and love me right ?"

"you hit the nail on the head darlin' "

you spent the rest of the night admiring your son , cuddling up to Game Of Thrones and when you dozed off on him , sweet nothings rang out through your ears as he carried you up to bed. And when James woke up? He was the first one out of bed to comfort him , letting you sleep a priceless gift as an apology.

A/N; this is more of a prompt ngl anyways enjoy, anon!

inspiration creds : @blueathens @whitemxnswhore @toomuchchelsea

[specialbrewbutterbeer]

Turning My Back (Part II) (Sirius Black x Reader)

Word Count: 2952

TW: Mentions death/murder, smoking, angst

A/N: Took me ages to get this done because I wasn't sure where I wanted to take it- but I defo have a direction now. I'm gonna take from some bits of stuff I wrote and didn't ever post cos it wasn't great but should be good for this :) (Also look out for a lil Remus x Reader in coming parts cos I thought that might add to the angst)

(Part I)

REQUESTS (OPEN)

MASTERLIST

She wanted to collapse into his arms, like she once had. Wrap them both in swathes of cotton, still scented like a mix of cigarettes and weed and her rose perfume, and emerge in the morning as young and fearless as they once were. She wanted to hold on tight to those memories of teenagehood, when he still wore woody perfumes stolen from his father, and his prized possessions were a leather jacket, an old mustard tin full of rolling papers and scraps of card off of Rizla packets for filters, and a well worn Rolling Stones album. Somehow though, these were always overlapped by what she had seen that night and all the horrors that had been regaled to her.

She just stared at him. And he stared back.

It was like watching a mirage. The young man he had once been, and always had been in her memory, even as harrowed as he was then, seemed preferable to this one. This one, scarred and marked and with no light in his eyes. The memory was easier, she could forget and remember the memory as she pleased.

She wondered if he thought the same of her.

"I don't know if I should believe you, or believe that you're here for unfinished business." She told him shakily, taking a deep breath and trying to put on a brave face.

"Can it be both?" Sirius asked, his expression softening as it sunk in quite how scared the woman must be.

She gave no reply. She just kept staring at him, unsure of what the next move was going to be.

She wanted to crumble. Merlin, she just wanted to crumble and give in. But she was too frightened to.

"It's because of you that they're dead." She spoke under her breath, doing all she could to stay frightened- for the sake of her own self preservation. If she believed him, and threw herself back into his arms, she believed she would be dead before her skin touched his.

"No!" Sirius' face twisting into a desperate grimace. "No- I would rather have died than betray you all."

Again, she gave no reaction. She was tortured by the inability to discern the truth from lies when they came from his mouth.

"I promise!" Sirius became increasingly desperate. He'd never had any expectation that she would flatly believe him, but he still wanted her to. "I promise you (Y/n)! I am no traitor!" He stepped forward and grabbed her by the arms in desperation. She couldn't react quick enough and only had time to lurch backward, her back pressing onto the blunt edge of the table top. She squeaked out a tiny noise as he did, and tensed against his touch. His hands were rough and calloused- nothing like the ones she remembered.

Sirius looked at her for a moment, feeling her tense under his hands and he pulled away quickly. He realised then how genuinely scared of him she was.

He backed off, deperate but loving her too much to encourage fear of any kind.

"Forget it!" He spoke loudly. "You don't need my promise- I can only tell you the truth and you can choose to believe it or find me a liar." He looked into her eyes, wide and glistening. "Peter is alive- he's who did it! He's the traitor and he let me take the blame!" He begged.

(Y/n) shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want this to be happening, she didn't want it at all.

She wished he wasn't here, that she'd never have met him in the first place. She wanted her little godson, though she knew by now he'd not be so little. She wanted Harry, to keep him here with her, safe and away from the world that hunted him.

No- she wanted James and Lily to still be here for their baby. And they weren't- because of someone. If it were Sirius or not she didn't know if she cared, because it had happened and couldn't be reversed now. It was too late for pointing fingers because pointing fingers wouldn't bring them back or put their baby back in their arms. It wouldn't take the scar from his forehead and it wouldn't heal anything.

She had never wanted to be confronted again by what had happened that night. She didn't like to think about them, all the people she lost.

"Do you know-" She began, taking a deep and shaky breath, "Do you know, for how many years I have imagined wrapping my hands around your throat and strangling the life out of your body?" She spoke, a calmness in her tone and a roughness in her voice that felt so foreign to Sirius' memory. "For how many years I have rotted, here, thinking about the monster I opened myself to- That I let inside of me, that enjoyed being inside of me. That I loved? I shared a bed and a home with you, and I have imagined- fantasied so many times about the first moment I set eyes on you. Fantasied about, in that moment, digging my fingernails into your fucking eyes and clawing them out instead of falling in love with you." She finally looked up at him. "I hate that I ever loved you, that some part of me still can't let you go." She stayed pressed, tense, against the table, her body still recoiling from him.

She began to shake, her hands first and then her entire body followed. From there, she crumbled. She sunk to the floor and curled up, pressed still against the table, her fingers still hooked and hanging on to the table top. Burning hot tears were suddenly flooding down her face. These emotions had come on quickly, been so overwhelming. She no longer felt calm, as she stiffled and choked through sobs.

On instinct, Sirius moved toward her, crouching in front of her, his face twisted into an expression of fear and concern of his own. He wanted to hold her, change the way things were and make things better again. But that was never going to happen.

As he moved, her heart felt like it stopped beating for a moment, she let out a screaming cry, and pushed him away.

"Get away from me!" Her voice was hoarse and cracking as she did so. She put all her body weight behind it and sent him backward and into the wall. It must have hurt a little but he didn't let it show, he just sat there, leant against the wall, heartbroken.

Now the tears and sobs only came harder and (y/n) was delirious with that awful feeling that you get when so overwhelmed with emotion.

She couldn't breathe, or see through the stinging tears that turned her eyes red.

"You took everything from me! You betrayed me- ruined me! You took all the people I loved away from me! I have nothing!" She screamed at him. "I couldn't even have Harry- because look! Here you are! You're a danger! Even here, you've found me and here my boy would be too, if we didn't know that here you would come!"

"I had everything taken from me too!" Sirius replied, his voice louder now. He was equal parts frustrated that she couldn't believe him and understanding as to why- but it didn't change how hurt he was. "And the kicker is- even now, I can't get it back because he's poisoned you!" He begged. "The bastard's plan worked because you believe it! You believe it entirely don't you?!" His eyes were wide as he leant forward again, his hands shaking like hers and his teeth grinding together uncomfortably. "I can't even hate you! I can't! I know why you can't believe! I can't win you back. You think I'm here to- to- do you harm!" Sirius stuttered, raising himself to his knees as she continued to cower away from him, crying hysterically and unable to stop.

"But I'm not! I couldn't promise you more sincerely- I couldn't hurt you, or our friends. I am loyal to you all even if you don't believe me- that never has and never will change." Sirius' breathing was heavy and shaking now as he spoke. "I'm here because I had to try-" His voice softened. "Because all I've been doing since I escaped is trying to see you- to tell you the truth because I thought you'd be the one person who might have held some faith in me." He spoke and got close enough to take her hand, which, though terrified she didn't stop him doing.

"Only to find you've placed yourself out here, alone and isolated. And I know why you're scared, and have been for so long but I love you- I need you- and-" He stopped. He looked away, her face was too filled with terror, her eyes too glassy and cheeks too burned red. Her fingers curled around the table leg, clinging to it for dear life, her body so tense that it shook like she was going break. Her cries shattered him.

"Fuck-" he muttered under his breath.

"I had faith in you." (Y/n) spoke with trepidation, and watched as Sirius' eyes shot back to her, eager to hear every word she said. After all for twelve years he'd lived off of the memory of it alone.

"When you were still the boy who's hands were soft, who carried matches and who knew how loud his laugh was and didn't care, who's only scars came from fighting in the hallways. When I was a girl who had smaller hips that could never be described as 'childbearing', who doused herself in perfume all over, just in case, because whenever and wherever you kissed me you always told me how much you loved it, who promised you her life when you asked me to-" Her voice trembled and she pulled her hand away, holding it in her own, tracing her fingers over where she had once worn a ring. "But look at us- you're not that man, I'm not her. I've no faith left, none to waste on you if I wanted to." Sirius sank back to the wall, reassuming the gulf between them.

Maybe this was it. Maybe he had lost her, forever- just another mark on his soul and conscience, as the dead were.

"You've grown from girl to woman- I've changed from boy to man. We're new shapes, my hands aren't soft and I don't laugh anymore, your perfume is smoke and wood, instead of rose, and I know that because of what you believe I did, you've done more than give your life to me. When I asked that, I knew I wanted all of that- in a way. I knew we would change, we were always going to change. I didn't want it like this. I didn't know it would be like this." He was still too firey, as he always had been, to give up.

"Sirius-" His heart fluttered as she spoke his name. "All I want, is my life back. My godson, my friends, the boy who asked me to marry him. I never want to see the walls of this house again, I want what I can't have. Because I came here so I didn't have to confront the world again. I don't want magic and war and you- not as you stand here. Not the way I wanted you back then. I'm not getting the you that I loved back." She stayed firm.

"Fine- don't have me. I can beg but I can't force. But you can have Harry back again." Sirius spoke.

"What?" She asked, her fear shifting from herslef to her godson.

"You know how old he is now?" He asked and she nodded.

"I've met him, and Remus. Whilst I couldn't find you, I had to know he was safe. And Remus did the same when he knew I had escaped. He thought just the same as you." He tried to explain. "And Peter- Peter the awful little worm-" he took a deep breath. "I've seen him too- i would have killed him if I could but he slipped between my fingers like the slimy toad he is."

"But he's safe?" She asked, leaning forward a little in anticipation.

Sirius nodded.

"He's growing into a handsome young lad- looks just like his father. He's got Lily's brains, when he talks it's just all the things she would have said-" Sirius couldn't help but allow a bittersweet smile to form on his lips as he spoke about their godson. "He plays quidditch, he's got so many people around him, friends that protect him- that do a better job than I did..." The smile faded.

Suddenly, (y/n) shifted, she hesitated but stood, and disappeared into the living room, muttering a quiet 'follow me'.

Sirius did so, and found her stood over an open drawer in an old wood bureau. In her hands, an old biscuit tin, rusted in places and roughed up.

"How can I trust you?" She asked without looking up, wiping at her eyes as tears tried to keep falling.

"I don't know." Sirius answered truthfully.

She looked up at him now, something flickering in her eyes.

She gave in. Finally she was worn to the bone. She stopped holding her breath, as she had been, and let air into her lungs waveringly.

She opened the tin and there everything was.

"This is all I have." She spoke under her breath. "Of all of you, of Harry, of my life." She set it down on the table top and crossed her arms, with one hand to her lips, picking at the skin nervously.

The first photograph, on the top of the pile, was one he knew he had taken. It was (Y/n) and Harry.

She wore a pale pink lacy dress, so pale it was nearly white (she had bought it second hand and when she had washed it, by hand in the bathtub of their tiny shared flat, most of the dye had come out) and held the tiny bundle that was Harry in her arms, swaddled in what was really a white blanket. It was at James and Lily's house, in an armchair, on the evening that Harry was christened- and they were officially named godparents together.

He had remembered that day so many times, but the depths of time had stolen the vibrancy from his memory that this photograph captured. Her smile was so much brighter, the texture in her skin so much more beautiful, her hair, the strands of it that fell in her face framed it so much better than he'd remembered. He'd forgotten how small Harry had been, small enough that he sat in the crook of her arm perfectly. She had never been a girl particularly enthused by babies, she didn't dislike them but equally had no pull toward them. But she suited it so well- her hands so delicately holding the newborn's head, the softness in her face, the curl of her lips so gentle- she was a picture.

Sirius picked up the photo and felt like he'd been kicked in the chest.

"This-" He spoke under his breath and paused for a moment to take it in before his eyes started blurring with tears. "Is what we could have had? Eh?" He asked quietly, and tore his eyes from the photograph of the woman he loved, as she was, as she loved him, dressed in white as he had wanted to see her since the moment he had set eyes on her, holding a child he wished was theirs, to the one who stood before him now- who he loved in equal measures, but who's love for him had been starved and was certainly dead, and, in a cruel twist, understandably so.

"I don't know." She replied. "We won't ever know."

Sirius had no reply for her, he just lifted more and more from the box. Love letters he had written her, more photographs, some family friendly and some not, as was the fashion when they were teenagers. There were copies of James and Lily's marriage and death certificates, Harry's birth certificate, and letters and pages and documents that had all been returned to her- all appealing for her to be Harry's guardian.

He caught a glimpse of what one of the letters said.

'Despite my living arrangements and previous relationship with convicted prisoner Sirius Black, I had no involvement or awareness in the plot that killed the parents of my godson. I am disgusted by that man and the relationship that I had with him. I was unaware of the monster he must be, as, it must be noted, was Albus Dumbledore and other members of the our organisation who testified their trust in him. I have been cleared by the Ministry of any and all involvement with this issue and I can provide a safe, secure and happy home for my godson.'

Another read:

'My ability to parent should not come down to my age nor status as a single woman- I was named as a suitable guardian to this child by his parents- and despite at this time there was assumption that I would have the support of a secondary adult within the household, in the form of my partner (now ex-partner) Sirius Black, my personal ability is not diminished.'

The final one in this particular stack of correspondence took him a back.

'I would like to declare a change in my personal relationship status and household for consideration, that may affect my ability to gain custody of my godson.'