#head start from birth

[otakween]

Head Start at Birth - Ch. 21-30

The mediocrity continues! I feel like I've read newspaper funnies with higher stakes than this plot. Nothing bad ever really happens to the main characters and they always look/act pristine. The character writing is giving Mary Sue/Gary Stu vibes. I wonder if I would like this back in middle school or if I'd have enough brain cells to recognize its blandness?

Ch. 21

Lilia figures out a way to use magic without any magic energy (thanks to Toma). So now she's fulfilled her goal of allowing Elrich to use magic.

I'm not really emotionally invested at all at this point btw. Everything is so bland (especially Elrich who is just like "perfect boyfriend") that how could I be?

Ch. 22

It feels kind of lazy that the bird gets a cool human form and the dragon just gets to be blue!Lilia :/

More random plot happenings...this time the King is under attack and they're asking Lilia to help. Again with the "chosen one" BS.

Ch. 23

I feel like they totally ripped off the "butler attacks with steak knives" thing from Black Butler. Can't get nothin' past a veteran weeb!

Weirdly I feel like this manga could benefit from more characters. Yeslar and Reslar (Lilia's dragon and bird companions) get way too much screentime. They're so boring lol

Ch. 24

Just when I complain about Lilia's spirits they introduce...even more spirits! Why did they just reveal that Toma had spirits outta nowhere like that?

Reslar freaking out at the faerie seemed a little overblown and out of character (what little character Reslar has). I think Lilia and Elrich should have scolded her instead of just distracting her :/

Ch. 25

I gotta admit, the Sage title is pretty badass. And it looks like she gets access to some fancy library/archive? Hell yeah.

I had the though of "instead of pursuing the invention of the camera via magic why doesn't she just try recreating the non-magical engineering it takes to develop a camera?" But then I was like...wait...I have no idea how a camera works. Also, she was just an otaku in her previous life so she wouldn't have that knowledge either.

Elrich seemed low key jealous that his fiance is more impressive than him. Hopefully those feelings don't turn ugly. (Who am I kidding? This manga has no stakes whatsoever).

Lilia's new ribbons are suuuper cute. As I've said before, this manga at least has eye candy if nothing else.

Ch. 26

Can't decide if this chapter was wholesome or creepy. All these old men freaking out over Lilia with grandfatherly love. I guess it's just not a dynamic you see very often lol

Again we have the whole "MC is the super special chosen one who is smarter than everyone in their new world" vibes 😑

While I relate to Lilia being somewhat introverted, I do think she could have been a little nicer to the sages after they invited her so many times. It also felt weird to me that she didn't have the "wait, maybe this could further my research" revelation sooner.

Ch. 27

The age gap relationship stuff combined with the ultra girly aesthetic is kinda giving me UsagixMamoru from Sailor Moon. Not saying that makes it okay, just that this is pretty common with shoujo I guess.

"I like to carry you" is creepy (AKA she's so young you can carry her, dude >:/) but also...I wish I could be carried places lol. Seems really nice.

Lilia's "I should rely on others more" revelation is good, especially since it goes against the aforementioned "OP MC is better than everyone" vibes. I much rather her see her working with the community than just dominating everyone.

Ch. 28

Woah this one was so short? (Yet it cost the same amount, go figure -_-)

I almost thought there was another time skip since Isaac looked so mature, but nope! Zac is a cool nickname for the name Isaac

Suuuuper contrived miscommunication cliche -sigh- weak

Ch. 29

Okay, not gonna lie, that was pretty romantic. She's still too young to be smooching him though lol. (The "become my family" line got me. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing 😭)

Lilia unlocks some kind of new teleport power and they make it all ominous for whatever reason?

King is sus. I wonder if he's going to try and swoop in and have someone else marry Lilia?

Ch. 30

I was completely wrong about the king, they just keep doing these ominous cliff hangers that amount to nothing. It's pretty frustrating.

Lol back to this manga being absolutely zero stakes. They threatened to take Elrich away but were then like "sike, he doesn't have to go!" This is very "makes it easy" story telling.

They had a "The End" fake out...wish it was real.

The writing keeps pointing out how young Lilia is and how it's weird she's engaged to be married (actually married as of this chapter). If you think it's so weird, why did you write it!? No one is forcing you to write about a married 9 year old! -sigh-

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

hate hitting the point in doing a thing where you're 90% done but the last 10% is a wall because it's about refining everything you've done prior

tedious!!! don't want to!!!! someone take the last bit and make it pretty!!!!! and finished!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!

[vimbry-moved]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

[hibernating-stag]

I think if Venom didn't have white hair already, he'd have started going grey as like. A teenager.

[dustylovelyrun]

hi, how've you been! How's been creating and writing going?

The temptation for dramatics. I really, truly wanted to be dramatic. To state something along the lines of how utterly awful writing has been, in how words have become the delusions of a mind newly rendered half mad and trapped within the gnarling, twisted vestiges of a very bittersweet history, but. It never does seem to translate well online, does it? Being dramatic without warning. But it does significantly take away from the joys of dramatics to provide warning, doesn't it? Sad thing, that is.

Without dramatics, I can say that the reason my presence initially is / was so sparse around 2022-onwards is because of the aftermath of long-covid. You know. The brain damage thing. It directly impacted any pre-existing ability that I had to think or say two sentences and to successfully follow the train of thought that was connecting them, let alone to formulate an idea, write it, or have any tolerance as to the feeble shadowed results of what I wanted and previously could have put on a page. It elicited some very helpless and sad feelings, so, as I do, I ran. Nowadays, it has somewhat improved, but I'm still mostly at a point where I can only formulate messy outlines and get a very rare piece that seems to turn out alright. I'm also in a belated educational attempt to reattain, as an adult, everything I missed out when I went and dropped out at fourteen; the writing exercises natural to that and the NZ curriculum have oddly aided in reclaiming some of that, in my paralysing terror of attaining a bad grade, but. It eats up time. I'm still very much warring with what's occurred mentally, and am uncertain if my time as a contributor here just. Ended, frankly, far sooner than I had ever thought to suspect, or if I'll eventually manage to adapt and relearn in an extraordinarily painful length of time.

But frankly, being able to witness the enthralling, indescribable and so utterly memorising shift and development of your own writing has been one of the factors to keeping me here, really. Every second of it has been worth it. You, and a select handful of once-mutuals that I still remember quite fondly from the 2020 and early 2022 era. It has been a truly wonderful experience to watch you grow more confident in your capabilities, honing both your cadence and innate talents into a true passion and skill rendering you destined to become ingrained into the long-term memories, the core, of your audience's mind. You have truly flourished and blossomed as the years have passed, and it carries very well in those pieces which are so hauntingly beautiful, echoing and resounding deeply as they are read.

[isdalinarhot]

ok whatever dalinar and navani trapped in the spiritual realm scary bodes poorly awful I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. i want to think about radiant implying that sadeas ALSO murdered his way up a couple dahns WHILE BEING 15. and im guessing this was a joint effort with ialai? again, when they were Fifteen Years Old. like holy shit

[imogenkol]

father dearest you picked the wrong fucking day to try and test my patience with your willful ignorance I will fucking end your entire bloodline 🥰

[seaofreverie]

Quick half-assed post because it's Fear of Music birthday, my first Talking Heads album and still my favourite from them to this day, and it's not just any birthday but the 45th, so that's a pretty big deal. Oh, and it was also the first vinyl I bought! (me finding this record by total chance is actually sort of what lead to me getting a record player and starting my vinyl collection in the first place...) And Memories Can't Wait is among my very favourite and most listened to songs of all time. I don't post about them much, but Talking Heads have been the number 3 among my favourite bands for the past year and a half already and this album carries a lot of positive memories and feelings and associations so yeah, just putting this out here when I have a good excuse to say it

[otakween]

Head Start at Birth - Chapters 11-20

Continuing on with this random isekai shoujo...I ended up having to pay real money for some of this because the scanlation was potato quality. Worth the money? No, not really. This manga has been bland af so far. Once again, it's only good quality is it's pretty. (But I persist because completionism and all that jazz lol)

Ch. 11

We get our first glimpse of the city and it's as generic as everything else in this manga -_- (medieval/European vibes)

I don't think anyone has ever looked at their boyfriend eating and thought "how sultry!" Like...unless someone is purposefully eating sexily, it's not a very sexy thing to do.

Ch. 12

Lilia's badass parents continue to be badass. Can the manga just be from their perspective please? lol

It was fun seeing the blue haired version of Lilia (Resler in disguise)

It was nice to see Lilia being protected by her dad (Guy). It's fine if she fights her own battles occasionally, but she's 5 years old and the adults should be looking out for her regardless of her intelligence.

Ch. 13

Lilia talks strategy and learns how to make tiny magical circles. Mom seems to have some serious secret regarding Lilia. Dun dun dunnnn.

When she said "and then I take this second pair of glasses I already had prepared" it felt like I was watching a cooking show where they have a pre-cooked version the dish at the ready lol

Ch. 14

Lilia teaches a buncha commoners her magic circle making process. The plot of this manga is sloooow and feels very "make it up as you go along"

Didn't enjoy Elrich pining for Lilia's company -_- I remember being 14...Maybe he's thinking of her like a little sister but "I want to go to her" sounds strictly romantic to me.

Ch. 15

I've been reading Anne of Avonlea (sequel to Anne of Green Gables) and Anne, a red head, is in a "village improvement society." It kinda feels like Lilia's doing her own improvement society work here by spreading her knowledge to the working class. I was iffy about where this royal family leaned on the morality spectrum, but they're heading in the right direction.

Lilia's mom is preggers. Are they gonna be disappointed that their next child isn't a super genius? lol. I feel like it would be a funny twist if they had another isekai baby (maybe from a different world from Lilia's?) but that's probably giving this series too much credit.

Ch. 16

A pretty boring "Lilia gushes over Elrich" chapter. Not much to say about it.

I forgot that there was a king in this lol

Ch. 17

It's late to be saying this, but there's something icky about these isekai where the premise is "human from our world goes to a fantasy world and is better than literally everyone there/saves the world etc. etc." Even if you have precious human world knowledge, it seems arrogant to imagine that one person would just blow everyone's minds and become ~the chosen one~ or whatever. I think it could be more balanced if it ends up being like "isekai protag brings their knowledge but actually ends up learning more from the fantasy world people and their culture."

Somehow 19 and 9 feels even creepier than 15 and 5 did lol. "He treats me like a lady now~" Nope! Still a child!

At first I thought the little sister was Lizette but she's "Lizlette" instead 😒 sounds made up but okay

Ch. 18

Not much happened in this one. A challenger for Lilia appeared.

I feel like the mangaka keeps introducing random pretty boys that have no purpose aside from looking nice. Oh well.

Ch. 19

Even though Toma's an annoying little brat, I kinda wish Lilia would get with him just so we could nix the age gap relationship.

So Toma and Ayla are the crown prince/princess of the kingdom of magic. What's the other kingdom called? Not sure if I just forgot or they never told us lol

Ch. 20

Lol right after I said Lilia should just be with Toma he made the offer to marry her. Elrich shut it down tho (boo)

Elrich makes a business deal with Toma and Lilia advertises her future course. These chapters are so short...

[swordmaid]

so I was looking up the tenets for lolth’s paladins and I found this little list. not sure how canon exactly this is but I thought it was interesting -

kind of laughing that shri’iia does the exact opposite in act 1 which leads to her oath breaking. she girlflopped so badly lolth decides to drop her ass then prob hunt her ass down for being an embarrassment and a failure. like girly was not exerting her power at all - it’s her first time in the surface ever and she’s surrounded by people who could literally kill her any given moment (considering all the stories she heard abt how surface dwellers hates drow) not to mention that the tieflings you encounter when you see lae’zel were ready to attack you that just fueled her paranoia. > she was not sowing discord at all she was laying low and keeping her mouth shut …!! she has no allies here! and she doesn’t know where she is! and there’s an illithid tadpole in her head! it would be foolish of her to paint herself as an enemy when she’s already so out of her environment so she keeps her mouth shut … thoughts to herself … bides her time and sees who’s useful to her and who’s not … she can always get rid of the ones that she doesn’t need later but for now she’s seeing what she can work with first …… > have a plan… shri’iia had no plans…. at all. she was following lae’zel around because the crèche was her only lead … but then they mentioned a druid named halsin who’s a very good healer so she turned her objective to that … then a goblin mentions their priestess is a healer too so guess she’s looking for her as well… honestly who thought making the drow who’s never been to the surface and literally does not know where she is or what she's doing the leader of the group a good idea….. in my hc the leader is gale

[ratcandy]

Whats a class you've taken (can be any subject and grade) that you were expecting to dislike, but actually ended up enjoying and/or learning a lot from?

Oh man this is a hard question. and also super random HSKDJGH Hi

Hmm. I can think of plenty examples of classes I expected to hate and did end up hating (chemistry), or even a class I expected to like and ended up LOATHING (debate class that was a philosophy class in disguise), but one that I expected to dislike and ended up liking? Mgmn.

The closest thing I can think of was a class I took to get a humanities credit. How my college works is that you need a certain number of credits for things not necessarily covered by your major (humanities, composition, natural sciences, social sciences, etc), and for Me, Well. Being in Entomology made it pretty easy to get natural science credit, and being an English nerd, I already came into the college with all my needed composition credits.

But I needed humanities credits, so I ended up taking a class called Women in Film. I didn't really expect to dislike it, which is why I consider it the closest thing I can think of, I just didn't expect to be like. As interested in it as I am bug classes.

Anyway it ended up being one of my favorite classes and introduced me to one of my favorite professors ever. She was this funny old lady who was constantly cracking jokes and looked at film from EVERY possible perspective, even shit I could've never thought of before. And though her criticisms on essays were considered "scathing" and "ruthless" by other students, I thought they were super helpful and awesome and I respected her 1 million times more than pretty much every other prof I've had grade an essay.

also the final assignment of the class was to make a meme based on something we learned or a movie we covered in the class and she liked the one I made so much she apparently printed it out and put it in her office. and I think about this a lot

Anyway the class was super interesting too and has totally warped my perception of movies. I don't really watch movies to begin with, it's never really been my thing, but now anytime I see any film with a Woman in it I just start picking apart the most random of things in my head thanks to that class.

Watch any film and in the back of my head I hear that prof saying "Now do you think the director is a second, third, or fourth wave feminist?" and soon enough I'm going to become insufferable @ my friends about it

we watched some weird movies in that class but honestly ? sometimes it's just the part of the semester where you watch The Children's Hour or Rosemary's Baby and have completely different visceral responses to both of these films and then go to class and everyone gets to be as abnormal about it as possible . and it's awesome

[swagging-back-to]

sugar momma hasnt given birth yet, but shes started covering herself in her nest and not climbing around as much which makes me think shes getting pretty close.

[eraserbread]

your husband, nanami finally gives you the one thing you've been pining over ✧

→ mention of contraceptives, (annoyed?) nanami, breeding kink, sexually explicit content

kento spoils you rotten. he's starting to see that, now.

you wanted a house? a week later he slid the deed to you over dinner.

that new egregiously priced sectional you've been eyeing? add to cart.

there was only one thing he fought you on.

"i'm sorry - just couldn't help but notice." ken walks into the bedroom where you're relaxing on your side of the bed, new fiction book in hand that you only just picked up. "is this your birth control? it was in the trash can..."

"oh." you reply haphazardly, flipping to page 28. "my doctor and I decided we'd take a few months off the daily's until my hormones even out."

poor kento - he has no idea what you're talking about, but he knows you never told him anything about hormones. "yes, I understand." no, he doesn't. "but what about contraception?"

"we'll be fine for a few weeks." you turn to the next page, deciding it being better not seeing his face right now. you wouldn't be fine - in fact, you're ovulating.

but, is it such a crime to have a baby with your extremely well-off, generous, yet supremely stubborn husband? the way he's acting, you would think so.

"i'm just supposed to not lay hands on you for a few weeks?"

"if that's what you feel like, yeah."

"hey." he suddenly crowds you, standing at your side of the bed and pushing your book down. "I don't like the nonchalant."

"just wear a condom, nanami." you flick his big hand away from your book, content just to rile him up a bit before accepting defeat.

you know what you're doing.

"nana..." he's repeating his name -- a name you never called him unless you were serious. "I'll give you time by yourself to cool off." he's at that tempered-state right before his self-control shatters; all he needed was another push.

"lock it behind you?"

"why do you need to lock the door?" you can see it as he faces your back to you, heading to give you some space before he's stopped by your words. this is a home of open doors- even if you're using the bathroom. it's a bit insulting that you'd want to lock the bedroom one now.

a flick of the finger finds you at page 30, and you smile as your main character is taunted and poked. " oh, nothing. just thought i'd try this new toy friend sent me."

"toy? are you trying to make me mad?" kento's glad to admit he's never even seen you whisper next to a sex toy when he's around. he truly is so spoiled.

the door in his hand he was about to close behind him, slams shut with a single push. it makes just enough noise to pull you from your relaxed state, lowering your book and furrowing a brow.

so, just imagine your ease and joy when he has you folded in a mating press a few minutes later, sweat dripping down the side of his face as he fucks you into the mattress. your knee is over his shoulder, thick, chiseled torso shining in the dull bedroom light under sex and sin. he looks so good like this -- eyes screwed shut and only blinking open to study your pained, but highly satisfied expression.

"you want a baby so damn bad, I'll give you a baby." he growls, taking your other knee in his strong hands to will you deeper into the position. you're aching already, and he was not the gentlest, but you loved every second of it.

it's nearly embarrassing just how wet you are, and ken can feel it as you squelch and weep for him. it's impossible to let up, you're fucking squeezing around his cock like you're trying to milk him dry, spilling out fitting endearances that lick over him, giving him reason to take you harder.

he's so hard it hurts -- it hurts because you're so beautiful and he loves you so much that he hogs all of his sweet, sweet seed for you all day until you're loose enough to take all of it.

but, you're so damn stubborn and you know how to frustrate him. he loves it. he lives for anything you give him -- it just gives him reason to fuck you a little harder after a long day. he knows you need that, so who cares if it takes a little bratting to get your way?

after all, he married you.

and it's pointed directly at your womb that he cums so fucking hard and deep. forcing himself to keep fucking you through it so he can pump his seed deeper and deeper until it has nowhere to go but up and out.

your stupid little plan worked. now, he has you bred and limp when he pulls out, leaving a sick stain of white between your thighs in his wake.

"you got what you wanted? happy now?" ken regards you with a glance over his shoulder as he scoots out of bed. you're staring at him unblinking, just taking in the way his strong back twitches with every move.

it's fucked-out and pliable that you give him a little nod, smiling soft at the corners, you mumble --

"...gonna have a baby... yay."

[o4o41]

Congrats to Mariam that she survived and got through this horrible event of her live.

[3amferaltrashdemon]

I see this and I raise you:

YES Alfred would absolutely be an enabler in such a situation with no excuse for why he didn't step in, but how you portray him depends on the narrative voice.

An outsider would see Alfred as a bad person but it's important to understand that not all victims hate their abuser and that's what often traps them in the toxic cycle for so long. In situations where Bruce is portrayed as an abuser, the batfam may initially or continually try to rationalise his bad behaviour, leading to an unreliable narrator where the kids don't identify that what is happening is abuse.

It is also important to acknowledge that victims often don't see enablers as people who did anything wrong and may bond with them on a familial level, often seeing them as a source of comfort- someone who brought them tea and an ice pack and soothing platitudes after something goes wrong. In this situation Alfred could be portrayed as a 'good guy' even if the audience can acknowledge that he was not a responsible adult. You can be part of a dysfunctional family unit and be beloved simply because you are the lesser of two evils.

In other situations, it could be written as 'Alfred is oblivious (sometimes willfully, sometimes not) and therefore can not be held responsible for Bruce's actions' which would still put him firmly on the side of should not be taking care of children, but would definitely mean that the kids are less likely to hate him.

The third (and arguably the worst) depiction of Good!Alfred Bad!Bruce is that the kids see that Alfred considers Bruce a son and also consider Alfred stepping in as making him chose between his son and his grandchildren. This is my least favorite justification because it involves the kids

A: acknowledging the abuse

B: acknowledging that Alfred is in a position to step in. And

C: Being okay with Alfred choosing neutral ground/Bruce over stepping in for his grandchildren.

Which would logically and emotionally be the least likely and would spark the most hatred/discontent from the kids.

I think the best way writers who don't want to write Bad!Alfred deal with it is just to very sparingly portray him and let readers draw their own conclusions.

Pssst...hey... Alfred can't be "good" if Bruce is "bad"

If Bruce is written as abusive and obsessed with "the mission," then logistically, ya gotta write Alfred as an enabler/accessory to the abuse.

It is impossible for Alfred to be there throughout all Robins, be first witness for multiple years with multiple children "suffering" and still have the kids be like: "Oh well, Alfred is still an angel, though." They would've known he hadn't helped them.

Imagine a building is on fire, and someone just stands there and watches it. They didn't start it, but they also don't try to put it out. They don't help anyone get out. They don't even bother calling for help. Yet, they still get a medal for their bravery??

There would only be 2 ways that Alfred could be seen as a "loving grandfather" if he

1. Outright stops Bruce by confronting him directly or getting the kids out from the first sign of abuse.

2. If Bruce is at least a somewhat decent father. Sure, he can make mistakes, and he can fumble sometimes. But Bruce can not be actively harmful to the kids for years without Alfred being aware and choosing to leave the kids to fend for themselves.

Alfred would have to be written as a non questions asked, 100% dedicated to only a "True Wanye" kind of butler. He would have to see the kids as not real Wayne's to allow an abusive Bruce to continuously harm them. The kids would know this and hate BOTH of them.

[classyrbf]

NOT GOOD ENOUGH! — TOJI FUSHIGURO

SYNOPSIS...after child birth, you don’t feel or look the same as before, brining on new insecurities and anger stirring within yourself

INFO...husband!toji x fem!reader, angst with a happy ending, mentions of child birth, weight gain, stretch marks, feeling ugly, body checking, just very insecure and upset reader, slight jealousy, toji being there for you, not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

toji notices how quiet you are when you both arrive back home from Shiu’s birthday party. You didn’t say a word to him on the drive back home and you aren’t speaking to him now that you walked through the door. All you do is head straight to your shared bedroom, heels clicking against the floor. He can’t understand what’s wrong, he’s trying his hardest to piece together what may have went wrong tonight but nothing comes to mind. He was hoping that this night out would be fun and special considering it’s the first time you guys have had alone time since giving birth to Megumi almost a year ago now.

But that frown on your face and the silent treatment makes a pit settle in his stomach because this isn’t you. He follows you to the bedroom where you’re sitting, turned away from him, taking your heels off. “Can we talk?” He breaks the silence, leaning against the wooden door.

“Not right now.” You clear your throat, avoiding any eye contact with him as you throw your shoes in the mess that is your closet. “Can you get out? I need to change.” You’re snatching clothes out the dresser, your tone flat and bored.

“Get out? You always change in front of me—”

“Just get out, Toji!” You walk over to the bedroom door, slamming it in his face and locking it. He stands there, confused.

But behind closed doors, you cautiously remove your dress that you’ve been so excited to wear for months now. Except, it didn’t look how you expected it to. The whole night, the moment you put it on, it just didn’t seem to look right. Your arms had extra fat, your stomach was chubby and everytime you sat down you could feel it hang over your underwear, and your thighs were squeezing against the fabric. But it wasn’t just the dress, it was everything. For weeks and weeks you’ve been feeling like absolute garbage, reminiscing over how you used to look before child birth. The dark circles were new, you the stretch marks on your stomach and thighs that seemed like they’d never go away. The brittleness of your hair, and your mood swings that had you questioning if you’re overreacting or not.

You felt ugly. That’s it. Inside and out. The way you looked and how you acted towards toji and yourself, it wasn’t you. And you would never blame your son over this, no, he was the most precious baby ever, and you loved him with all your heart. You just wish you’d had started taking care of yourself sooner. When you look in the mirror, you’re reminded that your husband can do so much better, thinking of all the attractive women that were trying to talk to him today at the party. You couldn’t help but compare yourself, how much better looking they were and how full of life they looked. Maybe he would enjoy someone younger and happier, instead of having to come home to a miserable, insecure wife who wouldn’t even let her own husband touch her.

You frowned, tears welling up in your eyes as you stared at yourself, the palm of your hand running over your stomach, feeling the loose skin. Your eyes drifted to your sagging breasts, thinking of how they only look good in a supported bra now. Tears. All you felt were the tears streaming down your cheeks, slipping on your baggy shirt and pants to hide each and every bad thing you thought about yourself.

“Mama, open the door. Are you crying?” Toji called from behind the door, twisting the handle back and forth like it would somehow magically unlock.

“I-I’m fine! I’m still getting dressed!” You wiped your tears, a weak attempt at hiding your feelings.

“Bullshit. Open the door, tell me what’s going on with you. Y/n, I swear I’ll break this damn door down. Please, open it.” You shuffled your feet across the floor, unlocking the door for him. He immediately stepped through, concerned eyes scanning over you. “Mama, what happened? What’s going on with you, hm?” He cupped your face, searching your glossy eyes.

You immediately broke, clutching onto him as you sobbed into his chest. “I’m sorry, Toji,” you hiccuped. His arms held you close, wrapping his warmth around you.

“Shh, shh. You got nothing to apologize for.” He kissed the top of your head, caressing his hand up and down your back. “Talk to me.” You shake your head, finding it embarrassing to even talk about, but he doesn’t take no for an answer. He cups your face again and forces you to look at him, wiping your tears away. “Did I do something?” He questions.

“No, no,” you sniffle. “I just…I don’t know how to explain it without feeling stupid.” It frustrates you to your core, having all these bottled up feelings inside of you but finding it so difficult to explain. It’s overwhelming, every single bit of it.

“You’re not stupid. Come here, sit down and talk with me.” He holds your shaking hand while guiding you to the bed, both of you sitting on the edge as you attempt to catch your breath.

“Tonight, I was excited to spend some alone time with you. I got dressed and did my makeup and hair, but…I didn’t feel comfortable or pretty or anything. I haven’t been feeling like that for a good while now, Toji.” Your voice cracks, hot tears brimming your eyes once more. “I look at myself and see how much weight I’ve gained, my stomach, arms, thighs, everything! And I hate it! I hate looking at myself because it makes me so angry and ugly. So, I get jealous and insecure when I see other women near you. Like tonight.” Your lip quivers, hiding your face in your hands. “And I’m sorry I took it out on you,” your voice breaks through the sobs, vision blurry. “I’m sorry that I’m not better.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Mama? Better? You’re already fucking perfect.” He sits up. “Look at me.” And you hesitantly do so, frowning, your eyes puffy and red. “I don’t care about anyone else but you and our son. Our son that you gave life to, birthed him from your own body. You’re fucking incredible for that. So, no, I don’t give a damn about your weight or stretch marks or anything else your pretty little head is making you overthink about.” He grabs your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

“Toji…” you trail off. His words only make you more emotional, his reassurance providing you comfort and security.

“You’re beautiful no matter what. I married you. You didn’t marry me. I wanted you the second I laid eyes on you, mama, are you kidding?” He chuckles, making you smile in response. “See, there’s that smile.”

“Stop.” You stifle a laugh, covering your face with your hand.

“Never. You’re stuck with me. You’re stuck with me forever. I signed up for forever, okay? We could be all old and wrinkly together and I’ll still think you’re the most beautiful woman in this world. So, baby, please don’t beat yourself up because you don’t look like some fake ass super model or some random girl you see on the street. From the tips of your toes, to the top of your head, you’re all mine.” He presses a kiss to your cheek, then another and then another, before attacking you with kisses. “I’m so in love with you and so attracted to everything you do, you make it hard not to give you another baby. So incredibly sexy.”

“Toji!” You gasp in shock, laughing at him. “You horndog!”

“Can you blame me, huh?” You kisses your neck. “Seriously, mama, I apologize. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner that you were going through this.” He holds you, pulling you beside him as he lays down.

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you, and explain my feelings. I thought it was something that would go away on its own—”

“I don’t wanna hear any more apologies from that mouth of yours. Next time, just speak to me. Pull me aside, vent to me, cry in my arms. I’d rather you do that than feel like this ever again. I should’ve been more attentive to you.” The pad of thumb brushes over your knuckles.

“I love you, Toji.” You snuggle into him, basking in his warmth. “Thank you.” He knew just how to make you laugh, how to take all those bad thoughts away and lock them up. You should’ve never hesitated to come to him, he’s always been there for you since day one.

“I love you more.” He presses a kiss to your forehead. “We still have the whole night to ourselves, let’s not waste it.”

“Oh, can we order some chinese? I’ve kinda been craving crab rangoon.” You raise brow at Toji.

He smirks. “Go and get the menu.”