#healblr

[demononicax]

Mental Health Awareness: Eating Disorders, Depression , Dsymorphia

Alt Title: Food For Thought. 

(Food For Thot)

I have a best friend who has body dysmorphia. 

actually i think there are 3 friends with body dysmorphia but one who I’ve spoken to fully about it. 

I have a purging coping mechanism with distorted self confidence. 

It’s really just a wordy way of saying I throw up my food often and feel as if my flub makes me a worthless human being. 

That isn’t me being over dramatic, that is exactly how I feel, and frankly I’m exhausted because I deserve to matter and have fun even though I’m not 130 pounds. 

The worst part is the only person putting this pressure on me is myself. 

That’s why I want to talk about my mental space in detail, because my head is my worst enemy. I think that’s what it is for a lot of people, societal or personal pressures manifest a dark mindset of personal intolerance and frustration and it’s funny because a lot of people don’t understand that it’s mostly their head that is telling them they’re no good or undeserving, not other’s or other’s actions. 

Unless someone says “You are such a *place insult here* you’re terrible!” or anything that can used as an insult, you are a victim of a miniature trauma and yes, that outside voice has instill a inner voice inside your mind, but you choose to feed those voices and what you want to grow. 

When your personal success and your inner spiritual growth and outer material growth begin to matter more than feeding the negativity in your mind (because you know you can’t succeed outwardly if you’re not positive inwardly) 

Today, on this day I’ve let go of my willful choice to feed my inner daemons and freed mental space within myself to allow and access growth happiness and positive motion.  I want to share with you how I cam to this! 

The brunt of the past month has been spent cycling through purging, eating,purging and demeaning. I can count on one hand how many mean statements I’ve tortured myself with, and that thought now makes me sick. I was mad when I struggled with a workout even though I had no food in me to nourish my body. I got mad I felt sick all the time and couldn’t perform but not that I was abusing myself and my natural reflex. I couldn’t understand why I was in such a place of darkness and depression but I only spoke words of pain, hatred and frustration of myself. In this turn of another retrograde, I can see all the darkened parts of myself and see that I was time for me to make a major overhaul to my mind and how I was treating myself before I become too stuck in the same patterns or just plain sick and stuck.  I haven’t been magically “healed” or have some form of strength that other’s cannot receive, rather I’ve just made the comprehensive mental choice to steer myself in another direction, even though it makes me hate myself in this moment, I will eat and keep my food down, for happiness in the next moment isn’t worth sabotage in this. 

This means that you have the ultimate strength over who you are against your trauma, diagnosis or disease and are set forth to clear your own path, and once you can handle that responsibility you can figure out how to hardwire yourself to be the best version of yourself, instead of the broken programmed idea of “self” given my society. 

Food for Thought. 

[yogarunhealth]

today's (bad) intake

breakfast: banana oatmeal, topped with banana, peanut butter and some granola

snack: apple

lunch: veggie stew with a side of lettuce salad, some fish

dinner: whole wheat pasta with meat-tomato sauce, kinda Italian

treat: 260cal snicker baton

late snack: apple

not much to be proud of :|

[boysenberry-tea]

There is Good in Every Day

March 2nd 2013 Today was the first day of the year that was warm enough for me to open all the windows of my home. Even though I had to spend most my time indoors,  I still spent the day breathing in fresh air and hearing birds chirping. <3