#heartbroken that i may be one of the first of my mutuals to be in their thirties...

[monstress]

me, entering my thirties next year: man i should get into Bruce Springsteen's entire discography.......

[kinzis-writing]

Better Than Revenge | M.R [1]

Y/N Nettleby thought that her relationship was going perfect. They were planning their future together and making arrangements for their lives to fall in line. So when Theodore ruined the image by breaking up with her, Y/N was heartbroken. There was only one thing on her mind, revenge.

Pairing: Mattheo Riddle x Y/N Nettleby, Ex! Theodore Nott x Y/N Nettleby.

{This is the first time I have written something like this so I apologize if it is bad. My friend got me hooked on the idea of Riddle character and I wanted to try to write for him. Also, you may notice a pattern with the chapter names, it was my cousins suggestion that I use taylor swift lyrics so if you do not like her, I apologize. Also, I imagine the characters older, so the ages in the harry potter movies will NOT correspond to my writings.}

Warning(s): slight cussing, cheating, heartbreak.

i. "There is nothing I do better than Revenge"

Prologue: Introduction

*Not edited*

Y/N Nettleby looked at her work with a satisfied grin, it had taken her hours to set up for the special date with her boyfriend, Theodore. They had officially been dating for a year and the girl had decided that she was ready to take the next step with her boyfriend, and she was hoping tonight would be the night. She had her friend, Hermione, stay with their mutual friend Ginny tonight and the other roommates had already had plans for a party in Ravenclaw.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Hermione asked as she grabbed her pajamas to get ready and head to Ginny's room. "It's not my business but boys like him..." she trailed grabbing a few books as well.

"It's what I want, Mione." Y/N promised giving her best friend a small smile. Hermione gave the girl a small smile before heading out and heading to the youngest Weasley's room.

The girl sat on her bed and patiently waited for her boyfriend to come up to the dormitory, he happened to know Gryffindor's password and he knew his way to Y/N's room. They had agreed on having a quiet night in and he would come over around 7 o'clock. It had now hit seven and she was patiently waiting for his arrival.

A knock on the door sounded at 7:13, causing Y/n to fix herself quickly and rush to open the door. The girl had a bright smile on her face when opening the door, but the smile was quickly dropped once she seen the state of her boyfriend.

Theodore's hair was slightly disheveled, he seemed nervous and anxious, and he looked ready to run. "We need to talk." were the words that left his mouth when he locked eyes with his girlfriend.

"Well, happy anniversary to you too." Y/N spoke sarcastically as she moved out of the way to let him come into the dorm. It was not their exact anniversary date, but it was only a couple days past. School had kept Y/N busy to where they did not get to spend time on the actual day together. "What's going on?" She asked noticing how he was acting. It was unlike Theo to act like this unless he was out in the hallways. He was not a very affectionate person outside of the dorms, simply because he believed in keeping up his reputation. He is very intelligent, and quiet, but will always obey his parents and keep their legacy alive.

"It's over." He simply stated with a shrug, unsure of how else to go about this. He knew she would take it hard either way, but he had to get it out in the open so he could leave. "I'm breaking up with you."

Y/N felt as if she had gone into shock, her emotions fluctuated. She felt numb a bit at first, until she felt the tears start to well up in her eyes. "What? Why?"

Theo sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "you want the truth?" he asked softly. He knew that she would hate the truth, but she deserved it regardless. "I slept with someone else." He spoke truthfully. The pain in the girl's heart only stinging more. "I tried to wait; I really did. It's who I am, and I am sorry." without another word he had gotten up and left the room.

As soon as the door closed behind the Slytherin boy, Y/N sunk down to the floor and let the sadness overtake her. The tears freely came out and she wasn't trying to stop them. She had the dorm to herself tonight and she made the exception to wallow in self-pity for the night. She would pick herself back up tomorrow and act like nothing had ever happened.

🪄

The next day, it was harder for the girl to get out of bed. She had slept through breakfast and was almost late to her first class of the day. It was not like her to be late and to skip breakfast, but she was hoping to avoid any conversation until after classes.

Y/N honestly thought that she could contain her anger, that was until she seen her brother at the end of the hall talking with his girlfriend and Mattheo. The Nettleby siblings did not really have much to do with each other, they were close until they were sorted into separate houses. After that, Y/N became the disappointment of the Nettleby family as she was in Gryffindor when the family was a group of pureblood Slytherins.

Storming up to her brother and his two other guests before letting her mind think rationally, "You're a shit brother, you know that?" Y/N snapped when she got in front of her older twin brother. They were fraternal, so they did not look anything alike. "I know that we don't talk much, but you could have at least given me a warning about your little blood brother." she spat with a harsh glare.

"Excuse you?" Sean muttered not knowing what his sister was going on about.

"You could've warned me about Theodore cheating on me." She spoke clearly for her brother to understand. "I get that you pieces of shit are all "big and bad" but that is pretty bad for you to do your own sister like that." She finished before turning away and storming off to get to her next class on time.

'I'll get my revenge, Theo, you just wait." She mumbled to herself before walking into class.

Part 2

Happy Thanksgiving!! I'm in the US so some terms may not be correct and I apologize. I love harry potter and I wanted to try to write for Mattheo, this series will probably only have about 8 parts to it. No more than 10 for sure. I'll see how far my plot will go (I have a whole rough draft I have been changing). This is just the introduction and will involve more content in the coming chapters!

[gemini-stories]

remember me (2) | j.wy x reader

synopsis: the years may have passed but he always remembered you. even when you didn't. pairing: wooyoung x fem!reader genre: idol!AU, friends to strangers to partners to lovers (?), smut (minors do not interact!!) warnings: idol wooyoung, idol reader, smut, swearing, a tad bit of angst, mutual pining, oh.oh (I really wanted to use this trope in this story!), unprotected vaginal penetration (bad irl!!), mirrors (iykik), reader is bitchy, wooyoung finally stands up for himself (and the end makes him happy:D), miscommunication (I hate this but I swear there's a reason for it). nothing too dirty but if I miss anything pls let me know! word count: 5.1k ish a/n: when I first got the idea for this I thought I knew exactly where it was going. I was so wrong:)) the story kinda wrote itself in the end. I wanted to apologise for the miscommunication trope but it was so necessary for the development of both reader's and wy's development (don't hate me too much, it was all good in the end:D). as usual I’m open to any feedback and criticism so don’t be shy to let me know!! ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ previous part ─────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────

“You did what?” Hajun started laughing.

“You heard me the first time,” you rolled your eyes, reaching for the takeout Hajun brought to you half an hour ago, when you called him for an embarrassing emergency.

“Obviously I did. But I wanted you to say again how you sat on the pretty boy’s face.”

You couldn’t say the whole situation happened out of nowhere. You couldn’t deny the tension between you only got stronger since the stupid sexy dance.

You expected Wooyoung to mention your little very hot interaction. But he didn’t! He was acting as if nothing happened, back to being the sloppy, careless, unreliable, and spineless self.

And that pissed you off even more. Was he ever going to mention anything? How long were you going to wait? You gave him plenty of opportunities! Right? You were the one that went to him first. And what did he do? Pretend you never met, never existed. Unimpressed. Careless. 

Sloppy. Unreliable. 

And spineless. 

“All I’m saying is, you two seemed to enjoy each other. So I see nothing wrong about it,” Hajun continued slurping from his drink.

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“Dude, what complications?” he asked skeptically.

“I can give you about a gazillion..dude.”

“If it’s about our eternal love, I can take my pity ass and my heartbroken heart and disappear in the sunset,” he wiped a fake tear from his right eye. To which you could only reply by laughing.

“No, but I’m serious, you know our arrangement was never something that should be complicated and could be ended whenever it wasn’t useful for any of us.”

“I know,” you sighed, “and trust me this has nothing to do with it. I swear.”

“Then? What’s the problem?”

Then? What’s the problem? You. You were the problem. And your lack of sincerity. 

And Wooyoung’s.

But, oh well, two could play this game. If he was not going to say anything, why would you. You continued your practice like before. Him messing up, as usual. And you bitching about it with snarky remarks, as usual. Him never replying back, as usual. And you getting more pissed because of it, as usual.

You tried to ignore the feeling of his touch, and the electricity it was sending to your body each time. Thinking about dead unicorns should help.

His hands glided over your thighs, ripping your skin with them, leaving you open and raw, falling into his arms. Finally, this dance move was a success, at the price of you being skinned alive. You looked into his eyes. Really looked. And could only silently beg him to look back into yours. Really look. 

“Are you ok?” Hongjoong asked. You were almost finalising your studio session of the day and to say that you were distracted was not enough. You were not your talkative opinionated self and that was making Hongoong slightly uncomfortable. He felt you staring at the screens over his shoulder the whole time, without you making any remarks to the changes he was making to the song segments. It was too weird for him. He had to ask. It was your decision if you were going to be honest or not.

“Why did you propose for Wooyoung to be my partner when I told you I was looking for one?” you asked absentmindedly. 

“Did he do something?” he turned to face you. “Did he say something? What did he do?”

You kinda mentally chuckled at the thought of Wooyoung misbehaving so much that this was Hongjoong’s first thought, that he did something. Not that he was wrong though. He did more than something. He said more than something too…focus. Dead unicorns.

“Nothing, nothing. I was just curious.” You nudged.

“Oh, okay. Well, he is the best dancer I know. So, I thought it would be a great solution for you and a great opportunity for him, for a great collaboration with the second best dancer I know,” he smiled.

“How dare you?” you gasped, pretending to be offended. “At least tell me I’m the best singer you produced a song for. So I can forgive this audacity!”

To which Hongjoong remained silent and continued to smile, returning to his work. 

“Rude,” you scoffed.

If only Wooyoung could live up to Hongjoong’s title. You knew he was great. Amazing even. You were an Ateez fan after all. You knew what he was capable of. You watched all his performances. So why was he not giving his best with you too. 

You two had another video call with the choreographer, after your latest dance video submission. He was disappointed and he was trying really hard to hide it. 

“Wooyoung, I watched some of your videos man, and what I see now doesn’t seem like you.”

Exactly what you were thinking!

“And you Y/N, we worked together for years. I know you. This doesn’t seem like you either,” he sighed. “The second choreography was meant to strengthen your chemistry, not make it worse. Please, try it again for a couple of days and then go back to your routine. Accept each other’s movements.”

How could you go back to the second, hot and dangerous choreography. You both silently agreed to not mention it again. Dead unicorns, right?

You were stiff.

He was flustered.

This was never going to work out.

“What is this?” you asked reaching for the small pink box from the bench where you’d usually leave your bag at the beginning of the practice.

“I, I wanted to apologise,” Wooyoung started with a shy smile, “for everything. Everything.”

You opened the box to find a dozen bunny shaped biscuits, topped with white icing. The asshole.

“No thanks, I don’t eat sugar.”

The room turned a couple degrees colder. You politely closed the box and put it back on the bench, starting your morning practice.

Nothing was working how you wanted. For the first time in weeks it was you making stupid mistakes. Wooyoung was doing god’s work trying not to start laughing at every mistake. The fact that he was aware of your mistakes was making you even more self-conscious and you hated feeling that. You knew exactly when was the last time you felt like that and you swore to yourself to never feel like that again. But here you were now. In this situation. And there was only one asshole to blame. 

“Did you really think that apology was going to work?” You couldn’t keep it in you anymore and asked staring into his eyes, when he was on top of you.

“What?” He stopped in the middle of his step.

“The stupid biscuits, what were you thinking?”

“I thought it would be a nice gesture. How should I know you don’t eat sugar?”

You groaned loudly, continuing your steps.

“It’s not even about the sugar.”

Wooyoung was so confused. You were always weirdly cryptic in a mad way, but this time it was…weird in a weird way. Most of the times you were annoyed by things he was not doing, and this was a first - being annoyed by something he did do?

He was surprised you never mentioned the incident. He didn’t want to be too greedy so he didn’t do it first.  He could swear something possessed him that day. He was so…cheeky that day. Was he cheeky with his partners before? Sure. Would he have done something like this with someone else? Of course! 

How did he do it with you? He couldn’t comprehend. He was never cheeky with you. For god’s sake he couldn’t even argue with you when you kept bitching during practice. 

So what on earth went through his mind? 

The same nasty thoughts he always had when he thinks of you. The same nasty thoughts he always had when you were in a five meter radius from him.

The same nasty thoughts he always had when he touched you.

He blushed the whole way home that day. He blushed while getting ready for bed. He blushed while taking a shower. He blushed while drawing stupid hearts on the shower glass. He blushed while taking a picture. He blushed while thinking of you when writing the caption. He blushed when he saw you liked the post. 

He was so far gone.

All the possible conversation scenarios went through his mind that night and he was ready to have any sort of uncomfortable talk with you. But you acted like nothing happened and didn’t say anything. So he didn’t either.

He thought about apologizing. For everything. And what better way than with something sweet. Two things that were always recurrent on your old instagram were bunnies and desserts. So he thought, what could go wrong with some bunny biscuits. Right? 

Apparently many things because you were mad about it. For some reason Wooyoung couldn’t understand. It was a different type of mad from the one you constantly showed in the past weeks. It was more of a sulky mad, which Wooyoung actually found adorable. 

But nevertheless you were mad. And that never helped your dance practices before, it wasn’t going to help now either.

It was most certainly not helping you while getting flustered during the dance.

You mentally refused to call for Hajun in the past days, especially for your quick breaks during the day. You really wanted to, but you couldn’t. A different person was flying through your thoughts when you were thinking about it. Your arrangement with Hajun was nice and convenient but you’d never fuck him while thinking of someone else. You were not like that. 

So you were left just with your thoughts.

And the memory of that day.

How hot and electrifying it was. How hot and electrifying he was. Nope. Dead unicorns!

“Is your dance practice going well?” Hongjoong questioned Wooyoung after just arriving at the studio with a bag of take out that Hongjoong asked for.

“Amazing.” Wooyoung breathed, paying attention to the food packages, looking for something he could nibble on. “Why?”

“Y/N cancelled our session today saying she wants to focus on the dance as there’s ‘some setbacks that she couldn’t foresee’”, he emphasized with air quotes and squinting his eyes. “What did you do?”

Wooyoung scoffed. “Why do you think I did something? We weren’t supposed to practice today and I have no clue what these ‘setbacks’ are about. Maybe she didn’t want to see you today and lied about it. Did you think about that?” he giggled while stealing some fries from Hongjoong’s plate.

“Y/N wouldn’t lie.” Hongjoong stated matter of factly, as if he stated the sky is blue.

He was honest about it as he was honest about the image he had of you - sincere, hardworking, professional and sweet and caring and, and definitely not a liar that avoids a day of work.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes. Of course she wouldn’t. 

Okay, maybe indeed you wouldn’t lie. Break promises? Forget about them? Stamp on them? All plausible events.

“You know what I don’t get?” Hongjoong continued opening his sauce.

“I have a really long list. With what do you want me to start?” 

“You think you’re smart, dumbass?”

“I do, in fact.” Wooyoung smiled proudly.

“Nevermind then.” Hongjoong hated how Wooyoung wasn’t serious about this conversation. He wasn’t serious from the beginning and Hongjoong thought it was just a caprice. One that continued for longer than he expected. The reason why he really wanted to understand what this was all about.

“Come on, don’t start sulking like a bitch and tell me!”

“I know you are a stupid fanboy in, what you think is a secret, but when you talk about her you sound like you hate her. What’s up with it, it’s weird dude.”

From all the item’s on Wooyoung’s list, this was not one. Did he really make it sound like he hates you? Was he stupid? He didn’t want the others to know that he admires you so much so they wouldn’t tease him about it, but he didn’t want the opposite either…from the outside perspective it looks like he hates you?

“I don’t hate her. I could never hate her.'' He was looking anywhere but at Hongjoong, not being able to face him, now embarrassed by himself. 

“I know that. But if you act with her like how you talk to me about her, I have bad news for you.”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Complicated for who? You? Then uncomplicate it.” Hongjoong sighed. “We can’t afford not having great results out of this collaboration. It’s not only good for you or for me. It’s good for all of us. Don’t. Fuck. It. Up.”

Is he fucking it up?

He scrolled through his camera roll until he found the picture he was looking for. A picture of the red velvet cake he bought a few days ago as a nice gesture for the team. The cake was cut in eight even slices, with one slice missing, that he ate by himself because he was too impatient to wait for everyone to be back home and eat it together. Maybe he was always a little bit too impatient and expected too much from others.

He edited the picture, putting a filter over it, that would fit the rest of his feed and posted it on his secret account with the caption: ‘I bleed on the plate in front of you and you sip my blood even though you are not thirsty.’

You sighed looking at the picture and reading the caption and put your phone aside. You were alone in the dance room, trying to take your mind from anything else but dancing. You had to admit, Wooyoung was not the only one making mistakes. You had to focus and get it done with it!

The last time you felt so incompetent while dancing was in your first year you took lessons. You were maybe five or six. You didn’t understand much, thinking that dancing is just vibing with the music. You cried at your first competition after making a mistake on stage, making you feel not good enough. You promised yourself then and there to never feel like that again. And you never did again. 

You were startled when the door opened and Wooyoung entered, holding a small pink box.

“We were supposed to have the day off from practice today. What are you doing here?”

“That’s what I should ask you,” he smiled a sweet smile. “I wanted to bring you some of this, I swear they have no sugar,” he passed you the small box that you opened and saw the same bunny shapes. It was crackers this time, no sugar. “It’s from this bakery that I really like and I swear it’s really nice.”

You scoffed, closing your eyes and clenching your jaw. “Why are you doing this?”

“I thought it would be nice.”

You pushed the box back to him and looked up straight into his eyes. “Why the fucking bunnies?’

“I thought you’d like them.”

“Why? Why would you think I’d like them?”

Please, for once, say it.

“Because they are cute?”

“For fuck’s sake Wooyoung,” you turned your back to him, pretending to go back to your practice. “Forget about it.”

For once, when Wooyoung got annoyed he did talk back to you. He wanted to just leave. If you didn’t want his gift he wasn’t going to insist. But you had to go and run your mouth and touch his most sensitive nerve. Too bad. “That might be something that you can easily do. But I don’t!”

Were you hearing right? He talked back! Finally. Too bad he also had the audacity. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I never forget anything important to me,” he continued.

“Oh, sure you don’t forget anything,” you interrupted, mocking him.

“But it seems forgetting comes effortlessly for you. Since you probably don’t care about it, it doesn’t matter and it easily disappears from your mind, no?”

“I came to you!” you stopped his rambling. “And you forgot me! You forgot our promise! You forgot to fulfill it! I gave you so many chances and each time you acted as if you forgot everything. Even this stupid fucking choreography. I wanted to do it with you from the beginning. But then you acted like you never cared about it? You were late, you were not putting in effort, you were not even defending yourself.”

And it was out. You kept it in you for so long. It was bound to happen. Was it sort of kind of the reason why everything wrong that he was doing was making you so bitchy? Definitely yes. And now it was sort of kind of out in the open. You could finally confront him about him being the bad guy in your story.

“You, you knew all this time?”

He wasn’t sure he heard right. You knew. It wasn’t just him. But you too.

“I knew what? That we made a stupid promise that you never kept when we were ten? That we met again four years later and I came to you and you acted like you had no idea who I was? That the next year was the same? Even worse? That we were working in the same fucking industry but you never once remembered? Then, yes, yes I knew about all this.”

It was never a stupid promise. Never for him. Thanks to it he actually continued his dance lessons as a child. He ended up winning so many competitions. The scouts from the company noticed him. He debuted. He is here today, with you, preparing for the end of the year awards. He was always grateful for it, even when he thought you didn’t remember. It was never a stupid promise. 

“I never forgot. I knew it was you!”

He was unbelievable. 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” you threw your hand in the air, in a sign of desperation. 

“I was embarrassed, okay?” Wooyoung fidgeted in place. It was the first time he was going to admit this out loud. Not even in his thoughts did he ever admit it. “Because I wasn’t able to keep the promise and win, I felt like a failure.” Indeed, he never fulfilled his side of the promise. He did win the competition, but he didn’t “snatch” the first place from you. You were not there. And that was the only reason he was able to win. Which was proved years later when you two were competing against each other and you effortlessly won. He never got first place with you there.  

“This is so dumb. I only made that promise with you because I thought you were sweet and cute,” you blushed, “and I didn't want you to abandon dancing, and I wanted to see you again the next year!”

“But you moved away.” He stopped your train of thoughts. As if he found the flaw in your story. It was 100% not only his fault here. 

“But I moved away. And I was still hoping you’d win the stupid competitions so we’d meet at regionals!” Fair excuse. In fact, it was not your fault that you moved. You were too young and you were going where your parents were going.

“But then you acted like you didn’t know me there.” See? Another flaw in your story.

“I wanted to see if you remembered me! And it was obvious to me you didn’t!” Which seemed perfectly reasonable to your fourteen year old brain. Now? Not as much. But back then you could swear this was the most romantic thing you could think of - testing to see if he’d remember. Almost like testing the power of destiny. 

“I wanted to see if you remembered me! I didn’t want to embarrass myself even more, hanging on to a promise from years ago.” Valid. Very valid. Extremely valid. Both to his fourteen year old self and the present self.

“Oh my god?” you groaned. “Not even when I made this whole elaborated plan to have you as my dance partner couldn’t you tell? It took me months to think of something.” 

“You did say your favourite was Hongjoong though. That reinforced to me that you didn’t remember me in fact.”

You groaned. After you debuted you gave up on seeing Wooyoung again. He remained a bittersweet memory in your mind, thinking of him constantly. Wondering what he was up to. Then he debuted as well. The universe was really giving you another chance.

Now, you only had to find a way to be together and see if maybe maybe he could remember you. Which was obviously not easy. Be it award shows, or music shows, it was never the right moment or the right time.

Then an interesting thought crept into your mind. You were going to work on your solo album and have an important  dance segment. You could definitely have a collaboration of some sorts with him. But how were you going to ask for it without it being too suspicious. 

You never lied by saying you wanted to have a song produced by Hongjoong! It was just such a wonderful result of how your plan was going to work. 

“I was giving you signs too!” Wooyoung complained. 

“What?” you got closer to him. “The bunnies?” you raised your chin to face him. “The pictures with cryptic verses?” you squinted your eyes.

“What pictures with cryptic verse?”

There was no way you knew about it. You couldn’t. How could you?

“Don’t act dumb now. I know all about your secret account. And I know you know I know. I even followed you!”

Wooyoung was panicking. “How did you know it was mine?”

“Oh please, the profile picture is your hand as a pinky promise,” you started, “and some things you were writing were fitting with things you were doing.” you felt your cheeks burn just a little bit.

“Like what?” maybe you were bluffing, or simply testing him, as it seems you were testing him constantly. Nevertheless, he was curious what gave him away. It couldn’t have been just the profile pictures. 

“You know…things.”

“I actually don’t,” he looked down at you through hooded eyes, suspicious. You were fucking bluffing!

You avoided his glare, looking away when you finally said with a small voice, “The shower heart convinced me it was you.”

Oh. Oh.

So it was like that. The unspeakable.

“See, that’s another event you were acting like it never happened and you never mentioned it.”

“You never mentioned it either,” you opened your eyes accusingly. 

“Why do you keep waiting for me to do things first?” he closed the distance between your faces, breathing you in. “What was I supposed to say? Can you sit on my face again? Would you allow me the privilege to eat you out again?”

“I didn’t… I never…You…could’ve…” you swallowed your words because anyways you didn’t know what you wanted to say.

Wooyoung chuckled at your loss of words, couldn’t believe you were not having a comeback. It was fairly easy to do and he scolded himself for not doing it earlier, as you were too cute squirming there not uttering a word back to him.

“Cat got your tongue, huh?” he smirked, eyeing your lips. He wanted to test this limit of yours. 

“Don’t be an asshole.” And…you were back to your bitchy defensive self.

“Oh, I’m the asshole? Don’t act like I’m the bad guy now.”

“No. I don’t act anything. Yes, you are the bad guy in my story. So what, I am probably the bad guy in your story. You know we are all bad guys in someone’s story.” You could ramble on and on, deflecting the attention from you to whatever you were trying to say.

Wooyoung cupped your cheek bringing back your attention to him. “Can you just… shut the fuck up for once and let me kiss you.”

He pressed his lips on yours, shyly nibbling at your lower lip. He deepened the kiss, lowering his hand on the side of your neck. You smiled against his lips and shortly giggled.

“What’s so funny?” Wooyoung furrowed his brows. 

“You are acting differently.” You started playing with the zipper of his hoodie, unsure if you should say this. “One day you don’t even look me in the eyes and then the next you tell me to shut up and you do this?” 

Wooyoung’s lips curled into a sheepish smile.

“You mean this?” And kissed you again, deeper and sloppier. “You just got me acting up.”

It was so easy for you to get lost into the kiss, feeling it like a warm embrace in your whole body. 

“I think I might like you more when you actually talk back,” you said in between kisses, trying to gasp for air.

He continued a trail of kisses on your neck, which you found extremely dangerous.

“Maybe we should practice the choreography,” you whispered.

“I thought we were not supposed to practice today,” he breathed on your skin.

“Well since you came all the way here, we shouldn’t waste any time, right? Time is ticking and we should send a new recording.”

You felt his other hand caressing your waist. You really wished you weren’t wearing a sweater. He stopped his sweet sweet kisses and looked at you.

“I think I might like you more when you shut up,” he grinned a shit-eating grin.

“Smartass.”

You did say you liked him more when he was talking back and that was exactly what he was doing.

He didn’t remove his hand from you, one still resting on the small of your back and one still kneading your neck. He was waiting for your next move. If you really wanted to practice, that’s what he was going to do. If not, he also had other ideas.

“Fuck it,” you sighed, reaching for his lips. 

You kissed him exactly how you wanted to kiss him the day he entered through the door of your practice room, hungrily and passionatly. 

Wooyoung’s hands found their way under your sweater, gliding on your bare back for the first time and sending shivers through your body.

“Tell me to stop,” he gasped.

“Please don’t stop,” you breathed.

That was the moment the flip switched in his brain. You chose the section option. To hell with the dance practice.

He guided you to the nearest wall, where you could finally rest against something. You could swear your knees were going to fail on you. 

You quickly unzipped his hoodie and peeled it off him smoothly. He wasted no time and took off his shirt in a swift motion. You trailed the lines of his chest with your fingers, leaving the ghost of your touch burning up his skin.

“One from me, one from you,” he tugged at the hem of your sweater. You raised your arms letting him take it off for you. You wanted to see him work for it. He removed your white top without warning, leaving you half naked.

“That was actually two from me,” you chuckled.

He was kissing the top of your breasts. Licking and delicately biting your soft spots.

“How beautiful,” he whispered against your skin.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, completely leaning between the wall and him and his kisses. You could feel him through your thin leggings and you loved that you had this effect on him. You couldn’t help but slowly move your hips. Yup, you were hot and bothered. How could you not, when you were showered in his sweet kisses.

His hand traveled lower, under your leggings. 

“You do have a habit of not wearing underwear, huh?”

You felt your cheeks turning red. Yes, that was a habit you could say. A habit that you were so going to continue practicing from now on.

You unhooked your legs, allowing him to take off your leggings. He took his sweet time pulling them down, and then slowly kissing your leg up to your thigh, ending up with a sloppy kiss on top of your pussy.

He was in the middle of unzipping his pants when he stopped. “Fuck, I don’t have a condom.”

“That’s literally the last thing i care about right now,” you scoffed and unzipped his pants yourself.

Wooyoung gleamead and kissed your forehead tenderlly. “You are so perfect.”

You raised your right leg, to make space for him. He took out his cock, aligning himself at your entrance, slowly pushing himself inside you. 

Your hips were moving by themselves, you wanted him deeper and deeper. Closer and closer. All of him.

He grabbed your other leg too, hooking them both behind his back. You were wrapped around him, locking him in place. There was no other place he’d rather be except between your legs.

You were softly moaning in his ear and he could swear this was what heaven sounded like. 

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, increasing his pace, “this feels better than I ever imagined.”

Your lips pursed in a devilish smile, “You imagined this?”

“And so many other things.”

You could not get enough of him. Your eyes were rolling back in pleasure and you were struggling to keep them open and focus on the opposite wall’s mirrors. You could see Woyoung’s back reflecting in the mirrors, his back muscles flexing with every little thrust. You just wanted to have a bite of it. Too delicious to resist. You rested your head on his shoulder, kissing and grazing it with your teeth. That should do. For now.

Wooyoung grabbed your ass cheeks, squeezing them, trying to pull you closer. You were feeling your orgasm, almost there, ready to make you explode and see fireworks.

“So good.” 

“So beautiful.”

“So perfect.”

His praises were what sent you over the edge, riding through your high. For which he was thanking all the gods as he was ready to cum the moment he first kissed you. 

He quickly pulled out as he felt he was going to cum and finished on your stomach. You looked down to your stomach, that was now wet and sticky.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get to ask. And I didn’t want to finish inside without asking.” He was breathing hecticly, recovering from his high.

You touched your stomach, your legs still hooked around him. You traced your fingers through his mess and brought them close to your lips, licking them clean, while keeping eye contact with him.

“You are killing me.” He said, looking up at the ceiling, trying to contain himself.

But oh his neck looked so beautiful.

And you definitely weren’t able to contain yourself, so you started kissing it.

“You’ll make me hard again,” he chuckled. 

“And?” You smiled against his skin. “Didn’t you say you imagined more things? Show me what you had in mind.” | © 2024 gemini-stories All Rights Reserved.

[demiesworld]

Hi, I really love your take on the clones and was wondering if you could do a countinuation of the second part of the Hantengu Quad Squad College AU, where the reader breaks up with Kyojuro and starts dating one (or all) of the brothers? (:

【♛ demie: you got it my love! i know in an earlier post i said i wasn't comfortable doing a poly relationship. since i dont want to like get the dynamic of that type of relationship wrong bc i am inexperienced in that. however, just for this request, i will do this as a poly. i hope i satisfied your request, my love, and enjoy!】

poly r/s with the hantengu brothers

characters: sekido, karaku, aizetsu, urogi, kyojuro (mentioned), and fem!reader

synopsis: reader breaks up with kyojuro and moves on to the hantengu brothers.

contents: mild swearing, sfw, suggestive themes (?) idk what else to add

notes: hantengu brothers are all 22, and are depicted as quadruplets. their skin tones will be mentioned as being tan or dark. reader is of age. this takes place in modern college au and everyone is a human. p.s. we're just going to establish that the reader and hantengu brothers are already friends. though she is closest to urogi since she met him first.

You were heartbroken. You were devastated. You didn't know how to continue on with your life. The day that you never thought would come, came on a summer night when you texted Kyojuro to meet up with you at a gazebo. You were upset that you had to be the one to do this but you gathered every ounce of strength and courage to tell him. You couldn't keep up the façade any longer.

You had broke up with Kyojuro.

The relationship had became distant with Kyojuro being a student at Kimetsu Academy and you being one at Infinity Academy. Your schedules had began to collide after you got accustomed to your new classes at Infinity Academy. It seemed like you could never meet at a reasonable time. He had work when you had school, or he had school when you had work. Even on weekends, either one of you were busy with your extracurricular activities outside of school.

The first person you opened up to about your relationship ending was Urogi. The day after you broke up with Kyojuro you met up with Urogi at a park in the evening and you were swinging with him pushing you higher on it. There wasn't a lot of words said between you two and Urogi knew something wasn't right. While you may not have been as talkative as him, you were verbally responsive. Seeing you look so gloomy like Aizetsu bothered him since gloominess wasn't your thing.

He abruptly grabbed the chains on the swing and stopped swinging you. Urogi moved to stand in front of you and his warm hazel eyes looked at the top of your head since you were looking at the ground.

"Hey... what's goin' on?" He asked softly, and then places his hand on your head when you don't respond. "Hello earth to Y/N? You know you'd be screaming at me to stop pushing you so high up like that. Now you're not even complainin' what's going on? Did you fail a test? You got fired from work or somethin'?" He then decided to tease you by saying, "Is little Kyojuro not enough for you anymore?"

Just then you hiccupped, your shoulders jerking and body slouching forward closer to Urogi. He caught you by hooking his arms underneath your armpits to hold you upright. He had a shocked expression. He didn't say anything rude did he? Urogi was going to ask you another question, but you lifted your head up and he could see that you have been crying.

He felt arms wrap around his waist and his abdomen becoming damp from your tears. Yeah, something must have happened to you indeed for you to be crying to him like this. Urogi comforted you with his hands on your shoulders caressing them. As you cried he just stood there waiting for you calm down. When you did he squatted in front of you and asked what was wrong.

It was there, at the gazebo, when you explained to him why you were upset. You had broken up with Kyojuro. While the break up was mutual on both sides, still it was a break up after all. Urogi guessed you loved him very much.

That night Urogi took you out for ice cream at a ice cream parlor. You two didn't talk, but you sat in silence just enjoying each other's company. Afterwards, you two parted ways and went home.

A few days later, you showed up to school and you were greeted by Urogi in your homeroom class.

"Mornin' sweet cheeks, how do you feel?" He said as he sat in the chair behind yours. After your first meeting, you and Urogi had agreed to switch places because you started to like sitting underneath the air vent.

You shrug your shoulders, "I feel a bit better I guess. Why do you ask?"

Urogi beams, "No reason. Just curious is all. That's good to hear though because my brothers have been asking about you."

You were writing in your notebook when you paused and looked over your shoulder at Urogi. "Your brothers?"

Urogi blinked at you, wondering why you sounded so surprised. "Yeah they were concerned and all when I told them you broke up with that guy."

You curl your lip, and snap, "Don't just call Kyojuro 'that guy' please. So him a little respect. It's not like he broke up with me, I broke up with him." You turn away from him before adding, "And it was mutual."

"Okay then... anyways, my brothers were concerned. They told me to tell you that if you ever needed anything from us you don't even have to ask. We'll help you."

You jerk your shoulders, "I'm not some charity case, Hantengu, you all don't have to do anything."

Sensing that you were irritated Urogi just rolled his eyes and folded his arms behind his head. For the duration of homeroom class, you and him did not talk to each other. Except for when Urogi asked you for a pencil for his next class and you begrudgingly gave one to him.

You entered your first period class that you shared with Aizetsu with a frown on your face. Aizetsu, as usual, was sleeping at his desk. You didn't pay him no mind. Instead you took the empty seat next to him and unlocked your phone. You got text messages from each of the Hantengu brothers.

[from: angry bird

You're sitting with us at lunch today. ✓sent 8:05am]

[from: zetsu

It hurts me to know that you're going through a tremendous pain right now. I wish I could help you alleviate it. Here's my Spotify playlist to help you get through the week.

link attached ✓sent 8:04am]

[from: gigachad

ayoooo urogi told us that you and the fire bender broke up. sad. anyways cheer up hot stuff. ✓sent 7:51am]

You roll your eyes at Sekido's message and ignored to respond, saved the playlist from Aizetsu to your Spotify, and typed out a response to Karaku.

[to: gigachad

thanks for the concern ig? ✓sent 8:14am]

Your phone vibrated and you saw the response that Karaku had sent to you.

[from: gigachad

np. ✓sent 8:14am]

For the rest of the day your time spent in your classes with the quadruplets was rather quiet. You didn't talk to any of them, even when they tried to initiate a conversation with you. Your mind was still concentrated on your breakup with Kyojuro. You wondered if he felt as bad about this as you did. Of course he does, Kyojuro was a very sympathetic guy. On the anniversaries of his mother's passing he would cry to you about how much he missed her presence. His compassion was one of the many things you loved about him.

God this was going to be hard.

When lunch time came around you were dragged against your will to the Hantengu quadruplet brothers table. It was a table that they designated as theirs since their first day at the academy. No one bothered to tell them otherwise. And if they did, the oldest of the gang Sekido would tell them off to the point they would regret even vocalizing their opinion.

You were sat between Aizetsu and Karaku. Aizetsu was to your right and Karaku sat on your left. Your tray was filled with your favorite meal and dessert, courtesy of Sekido who loaded your plate with it. While on the inside you were beaming that you got to have your favorite foods, on the other hand your face maintained a frown.

Aizetsu noticed your dejected expression and he held up a box of strawberry pocky sticks to you. "I-I bought extra from the vending machine but I don't think I can eat it all. You can have this."

You shake your head and grumble, "I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are," Sekido said and he jabbed a fork into your food. He held up a bite sized piece to your mouth. "Open."

"I said I'm not hungry."

"It wasn't a question."

Karaku warned, "Sekido... leave her be bro."

"You shut up and mind your business." Sekido threatened him then looked back at you. "You need to eat something Y/N. Just because that idiot broke up with you doesn't mean you have to starve yourself. Now eat your food or I will force it down your throat."

What happened next none of the quadruplets would seen coming. You were sitting in your seat but in the blink of an eye your tray of food had landed directly on Sekido. Splashes of food landed on Urogi, sadly, but not enough to cover him in grime like his oldest brother. You shot up from your seat and gathered your things.

"You think you know everything?! You don't! Not one of you know anything or understand what I'm going through! So why don't you," You point to Sekido then to his brothers, "All of you! Leave me alone! I don't want to see any of your faces again!"

You huffed and bumped shoulders with both Karaku and Aizetsu as you slid through their bodies to exit the cafeteria. The quadruplet brothers all sat there in shock, and with mixed emotions about what just happened. Sekido couldn't even get angry after what you did to him. A part of him felt like he deserved it.

"Maybe we should... we should give her some time. Then she'll come around." Aizetsu suggested keeping a hopeful smile on his face.

Yeah... they should give you some time.

Eventually you'd come around.

Eventually never came.

You were avoiding the Hantengu quadruplet brothers like a plague. You didn't sit next to them during your respective classes. You didn't respond to their texts or calls. During lunch you weren't seen in the cafeteria anymore. It was like they didn't exist to you anymore. Which hurt them all. Hard. Especially for Aizetsu who had developed a bad habit of buying you an extra bag of candy ever since you complained about not having enough.

Urogi was the only one of the brothers that would try to talk the older brother into contacting you. He had asked Sekido, his response was, "Why should we even try? She obviously doesn't want to be friends with us anymore. And if she wants that, then I don't care." To which Urogi knew Sekido was lying through his teeth. Then he asked Karaku, and Karaku had told him, "Listen, bro, I don't think it's a good idea to talk to Y/N. I know we all miss her man, but she made it clear to us she doesn't want to see our faces. So... we need to let her go." And at the end of his sentence he was staring somberly at a beaded bracelet on his wrist. It was a bracelet you made for him in your crafts class. He kept it. As for Aizetsu, he disagreed, "Don't you think we should respect Y/N's wishes? We should give her time and like we all agreed upon she will come around." He was delusional for thinking you'd come around.

Since his brothers were opposed to the idea of contacting you, Urogi chose to take matters into his own hands. It has been precisely two weeks, 3 days, 2 nights, 1 hour, 43 minutes, and 21 seconds since you and him have talked. Urogi wasn't going to sit around and wait for you to come around. He was your best friend and damn it if he's gonna let you think a breakup will change that.

Without his brothers knowing, Urogi went over to your apartment unannounced. He knocked on your door, and lowered the cap on his head to shield his face. His long black hair was pulled into a low ponytail. "Papa's Pizza!" He called out in a poorly disguised voice.

"I didn't order a pizza!" You shout through the shut door.

Urogi continued, "You sure? This pizza says it's for a Y/N and they live at this address," He read your address out loud before adding, "I'm pretty sure this unit number is right too."

The sound of the door knob clicked, and the door was being pulled open. When you opened it wide enough to exclaim, "I didn't order a pizza!" Urogi was quick to lift his head and pushes you back into the house. Though he didn't think his plan over very well. He forgot that you were a fighter not a flighter.

So when he had shoved you into your apartment, you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and whacked him across his face. "S-Shit! Y/N stop! Ow!" You tackled him to the ground and punched at his head with your fists. Thankfully he covered it with his arms. "Stop it's me! It's Urogi! Hantengu Urogi!"

"Urogi?" you say out of shock in a gasp. You stop hitting him and stand up from kneeling above him. "What the hell are you doing here? I thought I didn't want to see your face."

Urogi sits up from the floor, leaning onto his elbow and his face covered in bruises. He took off the baseball cap, and pulled the hair tie out of his hair. With a shake of his head, his wavy black tresses fell back into place.

"Me and the bros are worried about you Y/N. You haven't talked to us in weeks, and you ignore our calls and texts. You're right we don't understand how you feel about this breakup with your ex. If you don't want to be friends with us then just tell us." He looked into your eyes with his golden ones, a wounded expression that you'd never thought you'd see ever on Urogi's face. "Otherwise quit actin' like we don't exist."

Your heart was crushed as you realized how selfish you were being. They only wanted to comfort you, but you just ignored them. You felt horrible. You sniffled as you fell to your knees and cried into your palms. Urogi heard your cries and shuffled to get closer to embrace you.

You sat there for a few minutes, just crying in Urogi's arms and being cradled, afterwards you stopped crying. Urogi carried you into your living room to sit down on the sofa then used a tissue to wipe away the tears on your face.

"I'm sorry for being a total bitch to you guys 'Rogi. I didn't know that by ignoring you guys I was pushing all of you away like that."

"Well you didn't have to do that you dummy. We're best friends, why would ignoring us be the best option for you?"

You retort with a sigh, "I don't know. Maybe I thought if I ignored you all, it would make this breakup with Kyojuro easier for me." In reality it didn't.

"Listen, we have absolutely nothing to do with your breakup with Kyojuro okay? So get that out of your head right now. Secondly, you didn't push us away we are always here for you. It's just when you told us you wanted space we all agreed on giving you space."

Your face turned expressionless and you responded, "I never said to give me space. I said I didn't want to see your face."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Same thing."

"No it's not!" You say with a humored chuckle and press a hand to your forehead. "God... what am I going to do with you Hantengu?"

"Nothin' because you're stuck with me and my brothers for life." He pushes you off of his lap and onto the sofa before standing to his feet. "So just so we're on the right page... are we still besties?"

You smile to him, "Yes we still are 'Rogi."

"Good. Now get your ass dressed in some clothes. We're going out to get some real food because I know for a fact you have just been munching on ramen bowls."

"I have not just been eating ramen!"

Urogi went into your kitchen and opened up the lid of your trash can, "Your trash begs to differ."

After arguing with him over your food consumption, you and Urogi went out to get dinner at your favorite restaurant. Thereafter you and him went over to his house where the rest of the quadruplets were hanging out at. When Aizetsu and Karaku saw you the two of them rushed over, pushed Urogi to the side, and gave you a tight hug. Sekido on the other hand stood on the side just watching you with his hands in his pockets. You seen him from the corner of your eye and waved for him to join the group hug. He shook his head.

"Why not? You guys let me go, please." The two brothers released you as you asked, and you turned your attention to Sekido. "Well? I'm waiting for a reason."

"You're mad at me."

"Mad at you? Sekido if I was mad, I wouldn't even be over here right now."

"I threatened to force feed you that day."

"In my eyes, I am perceiving it as you just being concerned for my welfare."

Sekido couldn't come up with a response to you. Instead he stood there scowling. You shook your head at him being so reluctant and walked up to him. You pulled him in for a hug, squeezing him tight around his sides, and burying your face into his clothed chest. Sekido was surprised when you embraced him, and in return he hugged you back.

You could hear his deep voice whisper in your ear, "I'm sorry. Please don't ignore us like that again."

After you've reconciled with the quadruplets, your thoughts about Kyojuro seem to disappear. You hung out with them more often, even spent time with each brother separately. During lunch in the cafeteria you went back into your usual habit of receiving an extra bag of candy from Aizetsu.

There were also times where meetings with the quadruplets did get a little flirtatious. Mostly with Karaku and Urogi. One night you had spent an evening working out with Karaku at the gym. He had convinced you into exercising with him on nights where you were available. As you were doing stretches before your workout, Karaku made a comment about how flexible you were becoming. You took it as a compliment, not thinking he was flirting with you, and thanked him for it. He responded to you with a coy, "I could be the one to stretch you out too." You were flabbergasted and immediately laughed at his remark to save yourself from an awkward situation.

While you did thought of Karaku as being attractive, not to forget the rest of the brothers, you didn't know how they felt about you. As far as you knew they saw you as a friend.

Apparently they didn't have the same view as you. They didn't just see you as their friend, they thought of you as their new girlfriend. Yes, they, meaning all of them. Each of the brothers were attracted to you in their own respective way. The first person to admit to their brother that they liked you in that way was Aizetsu. Actually he didn't admit to it, he was just caught writing down about how in love with you he was in his journal. By Urogi.

Urogi showed the journal to his brothers and they came clean that they wanted to pursue you. Though neither of them wanted to share you with their brother. Urogi wanted to date you because you were closest to him. Sekido wanted to date you because he liked spending time with you alone. Aizetsu wanted to date you because you were a beautiful girl and someone that wasn't into him just for his brothers. Meanwhile Karaku wanted to date you because he saw you as being his future wife.

They each had their reasons for wanting to be with you in terms of dating. Although neither of them knew how to confess their feelings for you and come to an agreement that they would have to share you. That was only if you were willing to do that or if you were interested.

The quadruplets eventually came to a compromise at some point during their three-month pining for you. When you weren't around them they would discuss about when to tell you. They settled for asking you out on a weekend night. The four of them showed up to your apartment door, Urogi knocking on it rapidly with a wide grin on his face.

You pulled open the door and blinked when you saw the four of them standing there. Everyone but Sekido was looking at you. Sekido's back was turned to you, his arms were folded to his chest with his shoulders tense, and if you squint you could see his ears were tinted red.

"What are you guys doing here? I thought you all needed to study for the finals."

Suddenly a bouquet of roses was shoved in your face by Sekido's hand. The roses were red and white, wrapped perfectly in a clear plastic and tied at the base by a red glitter ribbon. Your face heated up when you saw it and you took it away from him.

"Oh.. a-are these for me?" You ask softly and the four of them nod their heads. You smile tenderly to the flowers and brought them closer to your chest to sniff them. "Hm they smell lovely and look beautiful, but why are you guys giving me roses?"

Karaku cleared his throat, "We brought you roses because we have something important to tell you." Karaku nudged Sekido's shoulder, encouraging for him to finish the statement. Sekido glared at his brother from the corner of his eye but didn't move. Karaku nudged him again, this time harder, and Sekido grunted as he spun on his heel to look at you in the eye.

His face didn't have the usual scowl or furrowed brows. Instead, he looked conflicted and almost... nervous?

"We wanted to come over tonight to you because all of us have been feeling... things for you. We've been feeling like this ever since we started back being friends again and hanging out more often. All of us, the four of us, like you Y/N and we want to date you." Sekido explained.

Urogi added, "And we understand if you don't feel the same way about us. We also get that it could be too soon for you to you know... move on,"

Aizetsu continued, "After Kyojuro... but we needed to tell you. If you don't feel the same as we do then it's okay. We can always remain friends and forget that none of this ever happened."

Just then you said something that surprised the four of them. "What if... what if I feel the same for you guys too?"

"...WHAT?!" They all shout.

You blink and say, "Yeah I kind of, well, I do have a crush on you guys too. I liked you all even while I was with Kyojuro. The feelings just grew as we all became closer during these few months."

"W-What? Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Urogi questioned.

"I didn't know how to tell the four of you!"

"Wait, the four of us... you want to date the four of us? As in like a non-monogamous relationship?" Karaku pointed out.

You nod your head, "Is that not what you guys want? I mean, I like all of you equally. Plus I've never dated a set of quadruplets before."

Aizetsu said, "And we've never dated one person together as brothers."

The five of you got quiet and stood there staring at each other for a few moments. The silence and stillness was broken by Sekido clapping his hands together and grunting. "It's settled then. You're our girlfriend simple as that. Now... get dressed. We're taking you out on a date."

"Okay you all can come inside and wait for me to get dressed then. Oh, but where are we going?"

"Yeah where are we going Sekido? It better not be a seafood place you know I hate seafood." Karaku complained.

"Are we going out rolling skating Sekido? I'm not good at that." Aizetsu mentioned.

"Is it a movie we're all going to see?" Urogi asked.

You then piped, "Oh! I wanna go out bowling! That's the perfect date!"

Sekido growls, "No Karaku, no Aizetsu, no Urogi, no-" He was going to say your name and reject your request, but the pout and puppy eyes you gave him made Sekido change his mind. "Yes. We're going out bowling."

"Yay!" You cheer as you run to your bedroom to change into casual clothes.

"You only said that because you're soft for Y/N~" teased Urogi and he stuck out his tongue to his eldest brother. Karaku joined in, "Yeah he's so soft for Y/N~"

Aizetsu advised, "You guys should stop. It looks like Sekido is getting mad."

As Karaku and Urogi were teasing Sekido in the background with Aizetsu trying to stop them, the eldest was ignoring the other three. He had a fond smile on his face. So what if he was soft for you? It wasn't that bad to feel this way when it came to you.

You their girlfriend.

demie: I FINALLY FINISHED THIS REQUEST YALL. THIS WAS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS, BUT THEN I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT ONE DAY AND I HAD TO POST IT AS PRIVATE BC IT WAS A WIP. BUT NOW ITS DONE THANK YOU JESUS.

© 2023 demiesworld

[kerrikins]

Prologue: Non was not 'cheating' and Jin was wrong to film the video.

Now, with that said, I find it FASCINATING that there is very little discussion on Phee's reaction to finding out about Non and Keng. Because it's very clear that Phee is hurt and views this as Non cheating on him.

Last night I posted the video where Copper talks about Jin's motivations in taking the video, and one of the things that he mentions is that Jin had thought of Non as a good person, and when he sees Non with Keng he's shocked that he's cheating on his boyfriend. This is part of what leads him to record the two.

This has made some people even angrier and they have said that this makes things worse because Non isn't cheating so how dare Jin think this way, obviously he should know it's SA, etc.

Now again, I agree that Non isn't cheating, but if we're all agreed on that then it brings me back to that same question above - why is Jin torn apart for this thought process, but Phee isn't?

Again: set aside 'but Jin took the video' because I already agree that this is wrong.

But if we're vilifying Jin for thinking that in addition to the video, why is Phee not being vilified for his words to Non, and the fact that he followed that up by telling Non to disappear and die?

I could see people excusing it because Phee loves Non, but... I don't know. Isn't it almost worse for someone who cares about Non so deeply to react this way and use those words against him? I always find it a bit strange when people use love to justify horrible behaviour, because I kind of feel like love actually means you should be held to a higher standard, not lower.

(I want to pause here to say that I am both a Phee and Jin defender and I don't hate either of them. My intention here isn't to shit on Phee in order to defend Jin. In my personal opinion this is meant to be a painfully accurate depiction of how the world actually reacts to situations like this, by the way. We see it in the social media comments, in Phee's reaction, Jin's reaction, Non's parents. The world is not kind to those who are abused, and DFF is illustrating that with painful detail.)

Now for me personally, I think it's possible - I don't know how likely - but it's possible that this parallel could come up later. Because I'm sure that Phee bears regrets for his words, the same as Jin regrets his actions with the video. And I'm wondering if it's possible that the two of them will understand each other more than people think that they will. They may not, but will Phee hear an echo of himself if Jin confesses that he was so angry that Non was cheating on his boyfriend that he took the video?

Of course it's definitely plausible that Phee will simply be angry, which I could certainly understand. Not only is it horror but it's also understandable if Phee's anger over the video overrides everything else, so anything goes - and it could be that he knows nothing of what Jin has done and is furious and heartbroken when he finds out. It's also possible that if he's in it for revenge, this just cements how he feels.

At any rate, I'd like to see the show touch on this again - both Phee's words, and Jin's actions. Ideally I'd like to see it come up when the two of them are talking to each other, because I think that there are more similarities here than people realize at first look. Whether it is a point of mutual understanding or a point that escalates Phee's fury is something that we'd have to way and see.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

♥️ Daryl Dixon Masterlist♥️

This is a masterlist dedicated to things I've written about Daryl Dixon.

Check out my Prompt List and my Character List in my Masterpost which is pinned for more info on who I write for and some inspiration for requests.

This is a mix of headcannons, oneshots and blurbs :)

Confession:

Summary/Request: "a daryl dixon request! can be anything:) maybe him confessing his feelings for the reader during a run and you could take it anyway you’d like from there"

A Bit Beat:

Summary/Request: "How about something upbeat for Daryl? Like Alexandria time with none of the sad shit?"

Whoop-ass:

Summary/Request: "Can you do something where the reader gets taken by the Governors people and like conflict between Daryl and Merle cuz Daryl likes the reader."

Normal:

Summary/Request: "Can you do something with Daryl when they get to Alexandria and they all stay in the same house that first night?"

I Got You:

Summary/Request: "From the prompt list: 2. 'Whose blood is that?' 9.Mutual Pining with daryl dixon if possible!!"

Needs:

Summary/Request: "OH EHM GEE, OH EHM GEE! #5 (slow-burn/build up) with Daryl Dixon, cause why not? 🤷‍♀️🤭"

Sunshine:

Summary/Request: "daryl dixon x fem!reader, morning fluff ! literally anything that has to do with them waking up and stuff!"

 First and Foremost:

Summary/Request: "doing daryls hair?"

Heartbroken:

Summary/Request: "'I’m not afraid of you.’ Daryl"

A Dumb Choice:

Summary/Request: "Okay but I will beg for an awkward, cute Daryl one bed trope confession fic. 👀 I feel like I haven’t seen nearly enough of them for him."

Pillow Talk:

Summary/Request: "request for daryl for the “stop pouting” line and maybe reader sneaking into his bed after nightmares:) please"

Slip Away:

Summary/Request: "Daryl and Unresolved Sexual Tension please"

Tight Leash:

Summary/Request: "Prison Era!Daryl and a reader who both like each other but are too scared to say it. She contracts the illness at the prison and both are worried that they won't be able to confess before it's too late."

Close Call:

Summary/Request: "may i pretty please request some sort of daryl hurt/comfort (making up after a fight, close call after an argument, etc) <3"

Lessons:

Summary/Request: "Can you write having a father daughter relationship with daryl like hopper and El from stranger things headcanons"

Count To Ten:

Summary/Request: "daryl dixon fic request! plz do whatever you feel like doing and whatever you’re comfortable with<3 so like a prison era daryl right and he’s in the mood but the readers got some news?"

Kiddo:

Summary/Request: "can we have a fluffy daryl Dixon, in which he has a daughter like a little bit younger than carl? and it is set on the first seasons?"

Offer:

Summary/Request: "can you do daryl with the friends with benefits prompt? u can take it in any direction and any era!"

Drama Queen:

Summary/Request: "daryl dixon x fem!reader, enemies to lovers (you dont need to do that) with the prompts "What do you want from me?" and "Whose blood is that?""

Happy Accident:

Summary/Request: "Daryl Partner in Crime (Rick or someone's sister?) + Pregnancy trope"

Mundane Life:

Summary/Request: "Some Daryl-Reader-Leah drama, please?"

Unscathed:

Summary/Request: "Hey hey! Would you be willing to write a oneshot about Daryl and his female love interest reuniting after his time in The Sanctuary? You can decide if they're already together or not but I am an absolute sucker for second chance romance!! Thank you so much 🥰"

Pretty Pansy:

Summary/Request: "if you’re still taking daryl Dixon requests could you do something where Daryl’s dating someone rlly sweet and kindhearted. For some reason I see him dating someone who’s rlly sweet and maybe they like to bake or garden maybe even crochet idk😭"

Proof:

Summary/Request: "A clingy Daryl during the farm era? Maybe he really loved holding hands and kissing your shoulder randomly. :) Thank you"

Insecure:

Summary/Request: "daryl reassuring an insecure reader?? maybe they think there's smt between him and carol or he's still hung up on leah, it's up to you!"

Messy:

Summary/Request: "okay, but what about daryl and reader cooking and spending a day relaxing (it could be any era) with a bit of spice and cuddles 😌"

Death Wish:

Summary/Request: "I love your stuff! Could you do one where Daryl was captured but reader saves him but reader has never killed anyone before so they're really out of it and in shock kind of?"

Storm:

Summary/Request: "can i pls request daryl x reader in the middle of sexy time and judith ruins it bc there’s a storm outside and she’s scared and goes to auntie y/n’s and uncle daryl’s room but daryl tells her dog will keep her safe in her own room so daryl x y/n can continue sexy time 😏"

Play Nice:

Summary/Request: "Helping Daryl escape and tending to him at the prison after him and Merle escape Woodbury?"

Old Man:

Summary/Request: "Daryl feeling insecure about how he looks because he thinks he’s too old for the reader"

Pining:

Summary/Request: "I'd love to read Daryl x Female Reader - prompt no. 16, mutual pining, smut nsfw!!❣️ Love your works❣️❣️❣️❣️"

Dixon's Girl:

Summary/Request: "Give us a jealous Daryl, pleaseee? 🥹"

Insecure:

Summary/Request: "Chubby/plus size reader x Daryl’s where she is worried daryl won’t like her because of her size? Smut or no smut up to you :)"

Interruption:

Summary/Request: "*12. Interrupted/Almost Kiss* with daryl please?"

Forbidden:

Summary/Request: "Daryl/ Forbidden Romance/ Lori or Rick's sister"

Brother:

Summary/Request: "OOOO okay bet, maybe a lil shane and his sister w a lil hint of daryl x reader? fluff?? or even angst of after he died? all up to you"

Husband:

Summary/Request: "Can I get negans daughter x daryl? When/if you have a chance to get to it of course <3"

A Reason:

Summary/Request: "it can be any era you want!! use that creative freedom with some hubby daryl<3 hopefully it’ll help out with some of the funk:("

Out Like A Light:

Summary/Request: "How about Daryl and the morning after first time w Reader"

Panic:

Summary/Request: "daryl helping reader with a panic attack that comes out of nowhere? thank you!"

I'm Gentle:

Summary/Request: "Daryl request that he and reader like eachother a lot but is scared of touch due to his past abuse. She goes slow with him showing him that touch is meant to feel nice. Fluffy smut pleeeease."

Waiting For You:

Summary/Request: "It’s Monday (again) so I’m up for an angst! 🌝 Reader to Daryl - 11. 'You left me and you didn’t even think twice about it.' 🫣💔 Uh I love u and your works! 💕"

Tall:

Summary/Request: "I was wondering if you could do a Daryl X fem!reader who's as tall or taller than him? Doesn't have to be romantic, just reader is feeling a little insecure about how she's a lot bigger than other girls. Maybe they're out on a run or hunting with Dog and it kinda comes up?"

Bad Guy:

Summary/Request: "Hi, could you please write something with DarylxReader using prompt no. 7 “ Just cuz I’m the bad guy doesn’t mean I’m a bad guy.”"

Worst For Him:

Summary/Request: "Can you do the pregnancy trope prompt for daryl? Please and ty"

ADHD:

Summary/Request: "Can I get a Daryl and reader? The reader has ADHD and talks very fast that never stays on one topic but Daryl is used to it?"

Reuniting:

Summary/Request: "Daryl will reunite with my oc or reader in the apocalypse after not seeing each other for years the last time was before she ran away from home from her abusive parents. They were the best of friends they save each other form their abusive parents."

Rick's Ex:

Summary/Request: "Hiii , how about something like this — Reader is Rick Grime’s ex, after they broke up she found comfort in Daryl .. they eventually fell in love and he feels guilty about it knowing that his brother Rick is still in love with the Reader. 🎈"

You Said It:

Summary/Request: "OMG what about 'I just thought you would like to know that I’m not wearing any underwear right now. Do what you must with this information.’ with Daryl??? like imagine how flustered and frustrated he would be???? ... i am asking for a friend"

Please:

Summary/Request: "hey could you make a daryl smut with daryl!sub and the reader the dom? but still more in a caring way, nothing to dominant like spanking, yk something that suits daryl. in alexandria and daryl in the later seasons"

New Girl:

Summary/Request: "Could we get some s1 daryl meeting a girl he shot by mistake whos just like him? She hunts and keeps furs and pelts from the animals shes caught. He cares for injuries and brings her to camp. Fluff, possibly smut because theyre both wild?"

Praised:

Summary/Request: "Can I request that praise kink Daryl’s smut? Established relationship super soft and fluffy?"

Signed, Daryl:

Summary/Request: "Would you be able to do a Daryl one-shot where It’s prison era (before the governor is a thing cuz I hate him lol) and the reader is (male or female) and deaf? I know recently learned ASL for work and family and I would love more deaf representation!! (Putting like “he signed”)."

Staying Put:

Summary/Request: "hey babes! i hope you’re doing well🤍 im rewatching twd from season one and im on episode 6 where the group is at the cdc, and i was wonder if you could write something where dr jenner tells the group that the building is gonna explode and y/n wants to stay since all of her family is gone but daryl refuses to leave without her (kinda like dale and andrea)? sorry this was so long 🤧"

Scars:

Summary/Request: "hello!! could you do a daryl x reader story with a reader who has scars from physical abuse from their family, but it confident about them, not afraid to show them and not covering up? and daryl feels comforted around them bc of it?"

Daddy Daryl:

Summary/Request: "Hi! Maybe some story of Daryl Dixon being a dad? Just because everyone want to see that 🧡"

Subspace:

Summary/Request: "could you do something with daryl and reader in subspace? maybe with the prompts 19 and 22 but honestly whatever you feel is best! 🤍🤍"

Back Now:

Summary/Request: "Hello friend! I love your writing. Can I get 13 and 18 prompt for Daryl with number 5 trope? Smut, fluffy, spicy, whatever 😘"

Keep It That Way:

Summary/Request: "How about a jealous Reader and Daryl?? 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼"

Start talkin’:

Summary/Request: "Hi, could you please do a Daryl Dixon request around the time of the prison, something fluffy of Daryl helping the reader deal with the stress of the herds or something like that please and thank you?"

You Made Your Bed:

Summary/Request: "hii, can we have a daryl x reader where reader finds out/listens in on carol’s and daryl’s conversation on leaving on their own without telling anyone? and the reader feels betrayed because she thought she was close to him?"

Jeweled up:

Summary/Request: "Daryl & readers first time having sex and daryl sees that she has her nipples pierced! 😻"

Grown Woman:

Summary/Request: "more daryl x walsh!reader? maybe shane “confronting” daryl abt the reader if its not to much"

Note:

Summary/Request: "Like Reader finding Daryl’s note for Leah in the cabin? Huge fight, silent treatment and probably sleep on the couch with Dog for week!"

Don't Push It:

Summary/Request: "I was just wondering if you could do one where either the reader or Daryl have a very close call with getting hurt and realize their feelings for each other?"

Tune:

Summary/Request: "could you possibly write something with daryl dixon and a reader thats a really good singer and he hears her singing and its fluffy? i love your writing!!!"

Up Close and Personal:

Summary/Request: "How about Reader getting jealous of Daryl and Connie so she flirts with a cool guy in the Commonwealth? 🤭"

Laugh:

Summary/Request: "what about the first time the reader makes daryl laugh?"

Any Means Necessary:

Summary/Request: "Can I get a Daryl x Reader where the reader was with Daryl when they went to go find Merle? Like she's there with him when they find Merle's hand and how she comforts him after his big blow up?"

Not Until Now:

Summary/Request: "Hey! Can I request Daryl and Reader, prison era, when Daryl left the group because he found Merle in Woodbury? Maybe something angst but with a heart-warming ending?"

His:

Summary/Request: "How about something like this: Reader is having a “friends with benefits” relationship with Daryl, all good until they arrive in Alexandria and Spencer started flirting with her! It’s up to you how to end the story, I mean what do you think Daryl would do??"

Verbal:

Summary/Request: "A non English speaking reader instead of Korean is totally okay! Yeah I just meant rick is aggressive with reader but daryl calms him down when he sees reader is scared and not trying to hurt anyone, and then daryl is soft with reader. I love everything you write so however you wanna write this is cool, I'll love it either way <3"

Right Person/Wrong Time:

Summary/Request: "How about a Right Person/Wrong Time situation? Where Daryl and Reader were together before the apocalypse happen."

Mafia: Part 1; Part 2

Angel/Demon:

Summary/Request: "Can you do Daryl Dixon with the AU Angel/demon with the prompts “you didn’t just break promises, you broke me” and “I hate the way that I don’t hate you and I so desperately want to.”

Stay Away:

Summary/Request: "Scenario: Ex partner "

[taetaespeaches]

public breakdown/announcement:

hi lovelies,

It’s no secret that I’ve been on here way less than in the past. Part of that is due to a rollercoaster of mental health status, and part of that is guilt over what I’m about to say. And that is, I don’t know if this fic writing thing is working for me anymore. I used to have so much fun doing it, it was seriously such an enjoyable hobby. And now, it’s gotten harder and less enjoyable to write. And that sucks so fucking much to say. 

I don’t know if it’s because of my mental health or because it’s just not the same anymore, but after nearly five years of doing this it’s just not as fulfilling or enjoyable. I’ve been trying to renew my passion for it since late last year and usually breaks would help and I’d come back stronger than ever. That hasn’t happened yet and I think it’s time to admit to myself that the spark may simply not be reignited.

I want to keep using my blog because I am still very much in love with bangtan and  I still want to use this space to chat with you all. But I think I’ve felt guilty coming on here without feeling the same love for the fics, and I feel especially guilty about coming on here but not posting writing. For those of you who send asks, I’m sure you’ve noticed the delays or lack of responses altogether, and I think it’s due to my guilt. And still mental health declines but guilt too. So I think I need to reclaim this space as one where I can use it how I want without the guilt.

I know the longterm couples have served as comfort for many of you, and I feel awful that I may not be able to provide that anymore. With my life where it’s at right now I just don’t know if I can keep doing this. I’m so tired and I’m so unstable at the moment, and I’m just so so sorry to you all.

At the end of the day it’s just fanfiction. But it’s been a blast and I know it’s important to many of you, and it is to me too. So I’m heartbroken posting this but I just think it’s time to let you all in on how I’ve been feeling.

Any fic writer knows how much time goes into this hobby. It’s a commitment, and I’ve tried my best (though I’ve failed often) to provide at least one fic every week. Maybe I’ve burnt myself out and killed that passion. Who knows. But I think it’s time for me to dedicate some time elsewhere and see what other things I might enjoy. And maybe further down the line I’ll get the urge to write fics again, and if that happens, you guys will be the first to know. But for now, I just have to release myself from the self-inflicted pressure of doing this.

I’m sorry. Thank you for all the support over the years. I’ve had so much fun with you all, and I hope some of you will choose to keep hanging out with me on here with or without fics. I’m so thankful for all of you, whether we’ve become friends through this blog, or we’re mutuals who just share affection for one another- even if it’s from afar- or if you’re someone who has just been a supporter of the fics. I love you all. 

love, liv🧡

p.s. I will definitely keep all the fics up so please don’t worry about not being able to access them. They’ll always be there. And I’m sorry for making this much too long long but we all know I’m wordy :/ 

[bobbyinthegarden]

2023 Reading Challenge. Re-imagined Classic: Alec by William di Canzio

Spoilers for both Maurice by E. M. Forster and Alec by William di Canzio.

For this category I considered talking about one of the many re-writings or sequels to The Secret Garden that I’m planning on reading for this blog, but decided against it, as I consider that reading project to be separate from this one, so instead I chose this book, Alec by William di Canzio.

Alec is a re-telling/sequel to E. M. Forster’s posthumously published novel Maurice, and follows it’s titular character Alec Scudder (the love interest in Maurice), from childhood, through the events of Forster’s novel and beyond, to the early 1920s.

Before I really get into the book and my thoughts about it, I want to first talk about the skin that I have in the game here, so to speak. Maurice is a book that I hold very dear, I first read it when I was thirteen years old, at which point I was already aware that I was queer but had not yet told anybody. Maurice, to me, was kind of a revolution, here was a character whose journey in accepting his sexuality and finding love, despite the times in which he lived (the novel takes place between 1909-1913), was something that affected me in an extremely profound way, and ultimately helped me gain the courage to come out myself. It’s a book that I have re-read several times, I also adore the 1987 film adaptation (here’s a link to where you can watch it for free on YouTube) and I even saw a stage version of the novel several years ago at the Above the Stag Theatre (an LGBT theatre in London, which has sadly since closed down). Though I do like Maurice a lot, I don’t necessarily think that it is Forster’s greatest work (I think that would probably be Howards End) but I do like the book a lot, and I generally like E. M. Forster a lot as a writer, I enjoy his novels and the various Merchant-Ivory adaptations (which you can probably tell from looking at my blog).

My attachment to the book that Alec is adapting, may seem that I’m setting the book up to fail, and I’m really not doing that, I was rooting for this book from the second I knew of its existence, and I wasn’t going to buy it and read it just to hate on it. As somebody who has been known to enjoy a spot of fanfiction now and then and who is extremely interested in adaptation and transformative works, I was stoked to read this book, especially since Alec is my favourite character in Maurice.

I explained the basic premise earlier, but I’ll go into a bit more detail now. The novel Maurice is about Maurice Hall, an upper-middle class young man living in England in the early 1910s (prior to the First World War). While studying at Cambridge University, Maurice falls in love with his friend Clive Durham, thus coming to terms with his homosexuality. The love between him and Clive is mutual but strained, Clive (who is part of the gentry) insists that they must repress their sexual desires, that their relationship should be purely romantic, not sexual. The men are together for several years, before Clive ultimately breaks things off in order to get married, leaving Maurice alone and heartbroken, though they continue to be friends. On a visit to Clive’s country estate, Maurice meets Alec Scudder, the working-class gamekeeper, Maurice initially thinks very little of him, though the relationship eventually blossoms into a passionate romance. However, their relationship gets off to a rocky start, with mistrust and miscommunication on both sides. They are eventually able to resolve these issues, realise their love for one another, and decide to forge a life together, despite the societal obstacles, with Maurice deciding to definitively put an end to his friendship with Clive. The novel ends on an uncertain but optimistic note, with the lovers facing their future together.

Alec is told in nine sections, the first section being Alec’s life from birth to aged 18 and depicts his family life in Dorset and coming to terms with his own sexuality, and the circumstances that led him to being employed as Clive’s gamekeeper. The second section depicts the events of Maurice from the perspective of Alec, how the couple came to meet and fall in love, with large sections that are copied verbatim from the original novel (which was done with permission from Forster’s estate). The following seven sections depict the next six years, following the couple through their early years together, the outbreak and duration of the First World War -- during which time the couple is kept apart – to the couple’s reunion and continuation of their life together, now joined by Maurice’s sister and her newborn daughter.

Reading Alec you do get the impression that William di Canzio cares deeply about this story, and has infused some of his own experiences as a gay man into the narrative, particularly with regard to Alec’s self-awareness and lack of shame about his own sexuality prior to his interactions with Maurice – that is to say, Alec doesn’t hate himself for his own desires, which was something that I found refreshing. Speaking of desire, I was not expecting this book to be as sexually explicit as it was. This isn’t a criticism necessarily, it just wasn’t something that I was expecting. It may even be a strength of the book, as the current climate with regards to sexuality and sexual expression is so different to what it was in Forster’s day, that this book has the opportunity to be much more forthcoming about sex and desire than Forster could have ever been.  

One element to this book that I found especially interesting is the inclusion of Forster as a character within the story, as well as other historical figures, namely socialist philosopher and gay rights activist Edward Carpenter (1844–1929) and his partner George Merrill, who were friends of Forster, and upon whom the characters Maurice and Alec are partially based. Granted, it is never explicitly acknowledged within the text that these characters are the people that they share their first names with, however, anybody with even a basic understanding of the biographies of these three men would easily be able to identify them. Initially, I thought that the inclusion of these characters was something of a gimmick, but I warmed to it as the story went on, as they act somewhat as mentors to Maurice and Alec, teaching them about life and love, giving them language and models about how to live as gay men at that time in history.

My review so far seems like I really loved this book, and that isn’t necessarily the case.  I think it’s pretty good, though not perfect. I liked it well enough that I read the whole thing reasonably quickly, though there were a number of things that I didn’t like so much. di Canzio’s writing style and narrative voice is not nearly as beautiful as Forster’s, who is able to make even the most mundane moments beautiful and profound (take the moment in Maurice where Alec takes Maurice’s hand for the first time as a prime example of this), but di Canzio isn’t a bad writer either, his work is very readable, but comparison to the original author is unavoidable when adapting/re-telling another book.

One element of the book that I liked in theory, but not so much in practice is the Kitty sub-plot. Kitty is Maurice’s sister, and is a pretty minor character in Forster’s novel – though the unpublished epilogue to Maurice does imply that Kitty may be the lesbian counterpart to her gay brother. In Alec, Kitty was a nurse during the war, fell in love with an Indian Army Officer and became pregnant out of wedlock, thus making her something of a social outsider like her brother. Maurice and Alec take Kitty in, deciding to raise her mixed-race daughter together as a family, something that greatly upsets Maurice’s mother, who rejects both of her children because of this. As a plot element, I like this a lot in theory, unfortunately not so much in practice, as this plot thread is introduced on page 298 of a 337 page book, with Maurice’s mother and sisters having barely been mentioned and never seen before earlier in the novel, and thus this whole element of the story feels incredibly rushed and poorly integrated into the overall story, which is a shame, because I think it could have been really interesting. If I had been Mr di Canzio’s editor, I would have sent the manuscript back to him with a big note in red ‘INTEGRATE THIS INTO THE STORY EARLIER AND BETTER’.

I said earlier, in my summary of Maurice, that the novel ends on an uncertain but optimistic note, with the lovers facing their future together, and this novel ends in much the same way, with Maurice, Alec, Kitty and her daughter deciding to emigrate to New York (presumably because William di Canzio is American). I didn’t really like this ending very much; it seems to go against Forster’s intentions for his characters. Let me explain: a major theme in Maurice is nature and the desire for a rural life that is apart from society (what Forster calls ‘the Greenwood’), indeed in the unpublished epilogue, we see that this desire has been fulfilled, with Maurice and Alec being shown to be living in a cottage and working as woodcutters. Having Maurice and Alec move to New York seems a little out of left field to me, and not very in-keeping with the themes of the original novel, particularly since the idea of America being the ‘land of opportunity’ for LGBT people and POC, is not particularly reflective of the historical record, particularly in the 1920s.

If you haven’t read Maurice, then I don’t really know what you would get out of Alec, just as a standalone story. It works, I think, as a supplementary piece to Maurice, though does not achieve the same tenderness, intimacy, and beauty of its predecessor.

Now go read Maurice, if you haven’t!

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Rules of Exes

Title: Rules of Exes

Genre: Exes trying to move on :)

Tags: Heartbroken Y/N, unrequited feelings, Bad ex-Seungcheol, lots of crying, lots of confusion, lots of heartbreak, and a fight at the beginning, toxic!Seungcheol? Maybe?, Gender neutral reader, mentions of sex!!!!

-

Summary:

There are a set of rules for every person who breaks up with someone. The sort of rules that no one has to say. The ones that everyone always follows out of mutual respect for what you two once had and what you two will have going forward. Watch now, as Seungcheol breaks every single one.

I don't really know what to tag this because the relationship between Seungcheol and y/n is so completely foreign to me that my brain can't even pretend to comprehend so please understand that it may be mistagged and that I have no clue how relationships work. All I know is I listened to Conan Gray while writing this and felt like my heart had been broken too

-

“Seungcheol’s going to be at the party tomorrow.”

You groaned rolling over in your bed, burying your face into your pillow.

“I thought you said I was going to enjoy the party,” you groaned. “I just stopped crying over him, and you want me to see him at a party.”

You leaned up already feeling your face warm from the wish to cry.

“He’s probably going to be laughing along with Jihoon and Soonyoung, talking about some new person he is talking to who is prettier than me and taller than me and-”

“You seem to have forgotten that Seungcheol was just as pathetically in love with you as you were him, maybe more.”

Your eyes narrowed as you stared at Mingyu.

“If Seungcheol was so pathetically in love with me, then why did he break up with me?”

As expected Mingyu was suddenly at a loss for words.

“I’m not going to that party tomorrow,” you said sternly. “It’s too soon to see Seungcheol. It’s just going to hurt.”

“Look you and Seungcheol are civil,” he said surely. “And it’s not either of your first break ups. You know how to act around one another. You probably won’t even have to talk to Seungcheol. You’ll spend the whole night hanging out with your friends and drinking your cares away under the very watchful eyes of Joshua and I.”

“Mingyu, I know full well you are going to drink at the party.”

“Joshua is a very responsible friend,” Mingyu said confidently. You rolled your eyes and threw a pillow at Mingyu’s face. He laughed. “It will be good for you to get out. Come on. One party.”

Despite your insistence that you weren’t going to go to the party Mingyu had convinced you a long time ago to actually go. You knew that in the end if something did happen, Mingyu would drop everything to be there for you. That was just the sort of person that he was.

And after all, Mingyu was right. You and Seungcheol were civil. Nothing bad would happen.

And yet, it was still torture being there.

You couldn’t help but look across the room at Seungcheol when your friends weren’t looking at you. Couldn’t help but gaze at him and wonder how he had managed to do this. How had he gotten up this morning without you by his side? How had he just managed to come to this party and how could he be laughing with his friends, when you two weren’t together?

You- You were an absolute mess. The only reason that you had managed to get here was because Jeonghan and Mingyu were practically makeup artists. With Jeonghan’s dedication to your makeup, and Mingyu’s artistry with your hair, it was almost impossible to tell that you had been crying for the last week straight.

Almost.

You knew that when your friends looked at you all they saw were big puffy eyes.

You just hoped that Seungcheol couldn’t tell.

Not that he was even looking at you.

You were absolutely desperate to have him look at you. Just one look, even a glance would be fine. You just needed him to look at you, to remember you, to think about you.

“I can practically smell your desperation,” Jeonghan mumbled. “You’re breaking the first rule of being an ex with someone.”

You turned and glared at Jiangshan.

“Shut up, nobody asked you,” you mumbled.

“Well, don’t you want to win the breakup?”

You didn’t really want to win the breakup as much as you wanted to survive it.

“Let me guess, don’t be seen in the same room together missing the other?”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“If you have to appear at an event together, don’t look or talk to one another,” he said instead. “But do your absolute best to not make it so completely obvious that you two don’t talk anymore.”

“I hate this,” you replied. “I never said that I wanted to do this. I don’t want an ex.”

“Sometimes we don’t decide these things love,” Jeonghan replied. “Now please stop staring at him, you’re dragging down this whole party.”

You knew that Jeonghan only meant well but that didn’t exactly make the pain of seeing him go away. You felt tears welling in your eyes at the mere thought of being in the same room as Seungcheol and not being able to talk to him.

You wondered what he had been doing recently. Wondered if he had been thinking of you, if he had gotten that promotion that he was working towards.

A sigh left your lips, and the night only dragged on. Every minute hurt more and more as you talked to your friends and watched Mingyu get drunker, and drunker and-

“This one goes out to my best friend,” Mingyu announced loudly. “Stronger than any breakup! The best smartest and most amazing person you will ever meet!”

You smiled as Mingyu took that as a second opportunity to drink. He turned his body around, his body swaying as he fought the urge to fall over. A group of your friends rushed over to steady him, all of them about as drunk as he was.

Joshua grunted and got up from the seat beside you, rushing over to them.

You just sat back and watched.

For just a second it felt nice to be there. You felt human again watching as Joshua tried to take care of a handful of very drunk people all at once.

“Quite the show huh?”

You laughed and nodded.

“A show I will never get tired of watching.”

You turned to look at the person who had just joined you, completely ready to take part in the joking when your heart stopped.

Seungcheol smiled at you, like he had never broken up with you in the first place.

“How’d they drag you out here huh?” He asked. “You don’t seem like you really wanted to go out tonight.”

Your eyebrows drew together in confusion, and you opened your mouth to say something but Seungcheol waved it away.

“Not that you don’t look amazing. You look beautiful,” he murmured. He smiled as his eyes scanned your face, and in them you saw the same things that you always saw when you two were dating. That little light in his eyes that told you that he was in love with you.

You felt something tugging at the knot growing in your chest. Maybe you had been wrong when you two were dating and you thought that look meant that he was in love with you. After all, he had broken up with you, and now you two were practically strangers at a party, and he was looking at you the same way he always had.

Had you meant absolutely nothing to him?

“It’s just that I know you,” he continued, completely oblivious to your internal monologue. “And you shouldn’t be here. You should be at home. What- Did Mingyu drag you out here?”

He tutted turning his attention to the cluster of your drunk friends.

“Take your time, don’t do things until you are seriously ready. Mingyu and Joshua- They’re all great but you know you best. Trust yourself, won’t you?”

He turned to look at you again, sucking in a large breath. His eyes lingered on you; his lips quirked downwards. It was like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, liking seeing you helped him to breath. His lips parted ever-so-slightly as if he were going to say the three words you wanted him to say so badly.

I miss you.

“It’s good to see you though.”

You felt air filling your lungs suddenly and it brought you to the startling realization that you had stopped breathing. Your eyes flickered away from Seungcheol’s.

“Yeah. You too.”

You felt Seungcheol shift beside you, and you felt him grow closer. You prepared yourself for his touch, expecting to feel that warm, familiar touch that you secretly yearned desperately.

It never came.

You glanced to look back over to Seungcheol only to find that at some point he had just left.

“Hey! You look worse for the wear.”

Your eyes flickered up to Mingyu as the tears started to stream down your cheeks. The teasing expression on his face immediately dropped.

“It was too soon to come out,” you mumbled. Mingyu nodded and set his drink on the counter. He hoisted you into his arms so that you could wrap your legs around his waist and bury your face in his chest as your crying turned into sobs.

“I’m sorry. Let’s get you home, okay?”

The next few times that you went out it was easier but not easy by any means.

You hadn’t realized just how much you thought about Seungcheol until you couldn’t even go to the grocery store without finding something that reminded you of him.

You had started to do something that you weren’t sure was better or worse for your mourning. You bought everything that you wanted to give him. Every book, every snack, every trinket that you thought he would enjoy went into your shopping cart and made it into its own box in your apartment.

You thought maybe it would make you feel better, or worse, or something other than that tightness in your chest but it didn’t really do anything like that.

You stared at the stupid bear that you had bought earlier this week because it was Seungcheol’s favorite color, and he loved cute small things. You wondered if he missed you when he looked at things. You wondered if he could go to the grocery store without thinking about you.

You sighed. You needed to go out. Not because Mingyu wanted you too or because Joshua wouldn’t stop blowing up your phone. You needed to go out because you couldn’t remember who you were or how to interact with people and as much as it was going to kill you to be out maybe you would at least stop thinking about Seungcheol for a second.

And yet, of course fate wouldn’t go that easy on you, would she? Because, of course, the one time you were able to make yourself presentable to see your friends you would show up and see stupid Seungcheol there.

At first that stupid part of your brain that thought he still liked you told yourself that he had looked surprised but happy to see you.

That was quickly thrown out the window as he went on to flirt with every person at the party.

Oh, you knew that look in his eyes. You would be stupid not to recognize that smile, or those touches, or the way that his eyes flickered down to their lips. You knew you shouldn’t be obsessing. You shouldn’t care if he flirted with other people and yet it was all you could think about. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him and all those dumb people. You remembered when it had been you that he couldn’t keep his eyes off of. You remembered what it was like for him to be holding you close.

And then Seungcheol’s gaze met yours and you came to a sickening realization.

He was doing this on purpose.

He kept glancing at you as he flirted, kept on holding your gaze for longer than someone who had moved on should.

When he saw how annoyed you looked his lips only quirked up.

Your chest burned. You were so confused. He was doing this on purpose? He was trying to make you jealous? Why would he do that?

“Are you okay?”

You were startled out of your thoughts, forced to look at Joshua and give him a forced smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you murmured. He gave you a look. “Well as fine as I could be right now… Hey you talk to Seungcheol still, right?”

The look that Joshua gave you was soaked in pity, and you hated every second of it.

“Don’t look at me like that, I just…” You trailed off not really sure how to phrase it. “I don’t know, I just don’t understand why he did it, I guess. Does he talk about me? Even a little bit?”

“This isn’t something that someone moving on should ask.”

“Even in passing. Just wondering how I’ve been doing? His body reacting to the sound of my name? The-”

“He doesn’t talk about you,” Joshua interrupted abruptly. “You can’t obsess over whether or not he is thinking about you. It’s not a good look.”

It stung.

You hated not being with Seungcheol.

You stared blankly at your ceiling, unable to move to do anything other than lay on the floor. You had known it was a mistake to let yourself listen to sad music, but you hadn’t realized just how much of a mistake you were making until Conan Gray’s Memories had come on and you were playing it on repeat.

You listened to the lyrics echo through your soul, unable to feel anything other than the sharp pain in your chest. Why was this happening to you? It was bad enough that Seungcheol had broken up with you in the first place.

Worse that he was acting like this.

All the smiles, all the talking. You wished he would just disappear from your life because seeing him was worse than not seeing him at all.

You heard a soft knock at the door and your eyes shut in agony. You didn’t want to get up, you didn’t want to answer the door, you didn’t want to have to face someone right now. You hoped they would leave.

There was another knock.

You sighed and mustered everything inside of you so that you could get to your feet. You wandered over to the door, rubbing the tears from your cheeks so that the only thing left to see were your red puffy eyes.

“Alexa, stop the music.”

Conan Gray’s soft voice stopped abruptly, allowing you to sigh and take one more deep breath before opening your door.

“Hey.”

Your heart stopped.

Seungcheol just stared at you, his face looking a little remorseful, like he regretted showing up at all.

“Listening to Conan Gray?” He observed softly. He laughed and raised a hand to the back of his neck. “You know you’re going through it when you listen to Memories.”

You just stared at him, still not really sure how you were supposed to interact with him now that you two weren’t together.

“I just want to talk,” Seungcheol explained with a half shrug. “You mind?”

You did mind. You didn’t think your heart could handle this break up if he just kept showing up in your life like this. You needed to be able to breath. You couldn’t breathe with him right there.

Still, despite your brain screaming at you not to, you stepped aside for him and quirked your head. Seungcheol smiled, completely ignorant of your raging emotions and stepped into your apartment.

He acted like he lived there. He kicked his shoes off and slid his feet into the house slippers that you had bought for him and still hadn’t thrown out yet. He wandered into your kitchen swinging open your fridge.

“Have you eaten? Let me cook you something.”

You were so confused. Seungcheol just wandered around your kitchen the way he always had. He fished out ingredients so that he could start cooking you some ramen and serve it to you in a bowl that had always been your favorite. As he cooked, he talked, told you about how work had been and little things like that which made you feel like you two were still dating.

That just made it sting more.

You were sure that if Jeonghan were here he would tell you that crying in front of your ex was breaking some stupid rule.

But Jeonghan wasn’t here, and Seungcheol was breaking all the other rules anyways.

At first Seungcheol didn’t notice as tears dripped down your face but then he stopped mid conversation-

“Hey… I don’t want you to cry,” Seungcheol mumbled softly. “Please don’t cry over me.”

If you had any ounce of pride left in your chest you would’ve told him that you weren’t crying over him and that he needed to get over himself but instead you just got more frustrated. What were his intentions if not to make you completely miserable? For a second you weren’t seeing this… Demon that was making your life completely miserable. For just a second you were seeing the man that you were in love with.

The Seungcheol that would do anything for you.

“It’s late,” you said. “You should go.”

It was probably the first smart thing you had said all night.

You half expected Seungcheol to put up a fight over you kicking him out, but he just nodded understandably. He wandered over to your door and slipped his shoes back on. He opened the door himself and was almost out the door when he stopped.

He looked back at you, with red eyes.

“You know I…” He trailed off. “I really care about you. Please don’t be sad.”

You hugged yourself with your arms.

“Good night.”

He gave you a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Good night.”

When your phone started to go off you couldn’t help but turn your face into your pillow and groan loudly. You hoped that the action would make your phone stop ringing but regardless of your annoyance the phone still rang in your ears. You turned over and didn’t even bother looking at the contact on your phone, you just clicked the green button.

“What?”

“Babe.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you sat up to look at the phone number on your screen. You had long deleted the contact, but you recognized the phone number regardless. Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Seungcheol?”

“I knew you still loved me. You still have my contact in my phone.”

You turned to look at the phone number again, thinking maybe somehow this was a cruel trick on your mind. It had been a week now since Seungcheol had shown up at your house. You thought that he was finally leaving you alone.

“I deleted your contact.”

“Even better. You memorized my phone number.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just sat there for a second, tuning in to the obvious sound of loud music and laughter in the background.

“Seungcheol, what are you doing?”

“I’m at a party and I’m really drunk.”

You could practically hear the pout on his lips.

“I miss you. If we were still together, I wouldn’t be at this party. I would be with you.”

You sighed.

“We’re not still together.”

“But if we were I wouldn’t have drank so much and I would be with you, and you would kiss me and tell me that you love me-”

You felt that knot building in your chest. All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball on your bed and listen to Seungcheol talk. It would be so comforting to just fall asleep to his voice.

“Seungcheol you can’t call me.”

“But who else am I supposed to call?”

“Don’t call me Seungcheol.”

It was hard to hang up on Seungcheol but fortunately for you it wasn’t impossible. Silence fell across your room, and you sighed. You waited for minutes, staring at your phone screen hoping that he would call you back again. You wanted to hear him again. You wanted to hear him tell you that he missed you.

After a while you laid back down in bed, covering your face with your comforter.

You were so pathetic.

The sound of your phone ringing pierced through the silence, and you picked up your phone without so much as looking at the phone number. You were silent as you waited to hear the sound of whoever was on the other end of the phone speak.

“Come pick me up. I’m drunk.”

A relieved breath left your lips.

“Where are you?”

You were stupid to get up and get dressed. You were even stupider to bother to take the fifteen minutes it took to do your makeup and put on an outfit that didn’t make it look like you tried but did make you look good.

You drove thirty minutes to some Senior’s house you had never been to, and you were relieved when you saw Seungcheol sitting alone on the front steps. You rolled down the window.

“You don’t look drunk.”

A smile crossed his lips when he saw you. He practically skipped up to your car door. He pulled it open and climbed in.

“I sobered up.”

You two were silent as you started to pull away from the curb, driving back to roads that were familiar so that you could take him somewhere even more familiar.

Him and Jihoon’s place.

“Are you taking me home?” He asked you. You cleared your throat. He kept staring at you.

“Yes, is Jihoon there?”

“No, he’s working on a project.”

You nodded.

“Who’s going to watch you then?”

“You are,” Seungcheol replied confidently.

You glanced at him.

“Seriously, you shouldn’t be alone.”

“You can stay with me. Besides I’m not even that drunk anymore.”

“Then you don’t need me at all.”

You pulled into the parking lot of Seungcheol’s apartment complex and looked at him with an unamused expression.

“Wow suddenly I am feeling so light-headed. You wouldn’t let me walk upstairs alone, would you?”

You groaned, and when you looked back at Seungcheol he was smiling.

You truly were pathetic.

“You sure you have to leave?” Seungcheol asked, that pout on his lips again. Your lips pressed into a straight line.

“Seungcheol we aren’t-”

“I’m not saying we should get married, just… You could stay. It’s late. You live like twenty minutes away-“

“Fifteen-“

He walked closer to you, closing the distance between you.

“I want you to stay.”

You weren’t sure what to say. All you could do was stare at him. Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“You know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know I’ve been weird these last few weeks but I’m not too drunk to think straight. I want you. I always want you.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“I miss you,” you whispered back. “But…”

“I won’t hurt you. But I also won’t beg you to do something that you don’t want to. Do you want to?”

There was something about Seungcheol… Something about being this close to him, something about having his hands ghosting your hips, something about his lips being so close to yours.

“I want to,” you murmured. “I want you, please kiss me, and hold me and pretend like we never broke up please-”

Seungcheol interrupted you with a soft kiss that he broke after a few seconds.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded.

“I’m sure.”

“Hey-”

You looked up; your face red as you made eye contact with Jihoon. You self-consciously tugged at the shirt you had borrowed from Seungcheol, feeling the same way you had when you and Seungcheol had first started dating and it was embarrassing to have been caught by someone you didn’t know very well. Except this time, you were self-conscious because the last place you should have been was in your ex-boyfriend’s apartment, dressed in his clothes after having been railed by him like it nothing had ever changed.

“Please,” you interrupted Jihoon before he could say anything you didn’t want to hear. “Don’t say anything. These last few weeks have been fucking hell.”

Jihoon let you off the easy way, he secured you with a gentle look.

“What are you doing here?” He said softly. “I thought-”

“I’m so bad at this with him,” you interrupted. “How am I supposed to be exes with someone like Seungcheol?”

“Seungcheol’s not perfect,” Jihoon replied. “Come on, you know that.”

“But he’s not a bad guy either,” you replied. “Whenever I talk to people who don’t know him, they don’t get it. They act like he’s a bad guy. It’s not his fault that I still love him.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened which just made you scoff.

“Are you really surprised?” You asked. “It doesn’t matter how many times he breaks my heart I still remember him for who I know he is.”

You lowered yourself to the ground, pulling your legs up close to your chest.

“You know who he is. Seungcheol is good, he’s always been good.”

“But he broke your heart,” Jihoon said softly, crouching down in front of you. “You don’t have to forgive him.”

Your heart panged in your chest.

“Why did he break up with me?”

Your voice sounded broken, and the response that you got from Jihoon was just a sorrowful expression.

“You should go home. I’ll drive you.”

The silence in the car ride home was louder than you wanted to admit.

In the days that followed you did the things that you should have done in the first place.

Missing Seungcheol had made you hesitant to do the things that you should have done in the first place. You didn’t want to block his number or block him on social media. You wanted to look at your old pictures and remember what it was like to be wrapped in his arms.

But you didn’t let yourself.

You tried your best to think about anything but him. Trying your best not to stay hooked up on the fact that you too… Well hooked up.

It didn’t mean anything. It was just meaningless sex between two people who were once in love with each other.

You groaned and shoved your face into your couch.

Why, even after so many days did you think that Seungcheol still loved you? After all this time. After he had broken it off. Why couldn’t you get it straight.

“You’re…” Seungcheol had trailed off, his eyes flickering to the ground. “We’d be better off if we broke up.”

Things had been so civil and yet you felt so broken.

A knock interrupted you from your thoughts. You got to your feet and wandered over to the door, sure that it was one of your friends checking up on you after a surely concerning text from Jihoon.

When you opened the door, it was Seungcheol there. Standing in front of you with a bag of your favorite chips and for a second your memory glitched. It was like you were remembering date nights between the two of you, excited to curl up in his side and watch Persuasion all over again. You scowling as Fredrick fell in love with Anne all over again.

“She broke up with you,” you would boo a smile on your lips. Seungcheol always laughed along with you. “You deserve better!”

“They love each other,” Seungcheol replied. “Together for better or worse. Breaking up the first time… That was their worse.”

“They’re not married,” you laughed. Seungcheol shrugged.

“You know what I mean.”

But today wasn’t that day. Seungcheol hadn’t stayed up till one texting you last night, and he hadn’t whined over the phone to you because you couldn’t eat lunch together, he wasn’t here to argue with you about what the best romance movie was.

He had broken up with you. Things would never be like that again.

“Why are you doing this?” You blurted angrily. “You can’t just keep, showing up at my apartment! You can’t keep calling me! You can’t keep calling me baby and pretending like you didn’t mean to.”

“I-”

“No more excuses!” You interrupted. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just let me move on!”

Seungcheol was quiet, and his head turned away from yours. You were surprised by the sudden silence. You had been expecting a lot of responses from him. Laughter, reciprocated anger, just a cocky grin but not this… Not silence.

You felt bad for a moment, like you had done something wrong even though that wasn’t the case at all here. The problem didn’t lie with you, it lied with him, Seungcheol, so you stubbornly held your ground.

“I love you.”

And there it was. The most important rule of ex’s broken as if it were nothing. A humorless laugh left your lips, as you looked at him completely bewildered.

“Are you kidding?” He didn’t respond. He still wouldn’t look at you. “No, Seungcheol you have to be kidding, I know you are because you- you pompous asshole- are the one who broke up with me. You can’t just come back here saying that you love me. Seriously did-”

And that was when Seungcheol looked up at you.

You had spent a lot of time with Seungcheol in your time together, but never before had you ever seen him cry. He had always been very careful to make sure that you never saw him cry. He didn’t invite you over on those days when you knew he needed you the most, and when he was the most broken and you made him spend time with you he would just bury his face in your stomach so that you couldn’t see.

But when Seungcheol looked up at you, his eyes red and tears actively streaming down his face you felt a sting go through your chest.

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said, his voice breaking. You wanted to still be angry, but you couldn’t find it in yourself anymore. Despite all of your anger towards Seungcheol these last few weeks you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad. You couldn’t find the words to yell at him, find the strength to look anything but sorrowful for the broken man in front of you.

“Seungcheol, you can’t just-” Seungcheol raised his hand up in front of you, screwing his eyes shut, and pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand.

“Stop just. Let me do this? Let me fuck this up more, okay? I know that I took our relationship and tossed it out the window and drilled it into the mud but let me just fuck it up more, okay? Let me talk, please.”

His eyes popped open and when he sniffed you couldn’t say no.

“Okay,” you mumbled. He mouthed thank you to you and turned away from you again, rubbing his face so that he could look at you again with a dry face. In only a second his face was wet again. Tears were not something so easily hidden.

“I don’t deserve you,” Seungcheol said. “Fuck I don’t and that’s why I broke up with you. It wasn’t for any of the reasons I said, it was because I thought that I was worse for you then I was good for you.”

Your eyes widened at the confession, and you opened your mouth to respond but Seungcheol interrupted you.

“Let me finish-” He insisted. “I was at my worst, and you were doing everything you could for me, and I hated how much I relied on you and I felt like you thought that… I thought you would do anything for me, and that was fucking scary.”

Seungcheol took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as more tears ran down his cheeks.

“So, I did the stupid thing. The coward thing. I broke up with you. I did it because my fucking mental illness and insecurities told me that you would be happier without me.”

Seungcheol looked over at you.

“But I made you cry.”

Seungcheol shrugged his nose scrunching as he blinked tears away.

“I just- It made me realize that you weren’t with me because you had to or because you felt bad for me. You were with me because…”

He shook his head again.

“I fucked up. I fucked up and so instead of doing the right thing. Instead of being a good ex. I did the complete opposite. I couldn’t lose you- I-”

Seungcheol groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry I’m so selfish and stupid and-”

You couldn’t listen to Seungcheol talk anymore. You couldn’t do it because you couldn’t stand to see him in so much pain. You had always wondered what he was hiding from you when you two were dating. You wondered what kept him in his room for days at a time. What made his friends share indescribable expressions of sadness when he cancelled plans without a word.

This. He had been going through this all on his own this whole time.

God, you had been so angry at him.

So confused because he had hurt you so much breaking off your relationship and every day you had seen him after had been a sick reminder of everything that you missed about him. But now, all of that anger was gone. The sorrow, the confusion, everything was gone.

The part of you that said that you had to be upset with him was gone. It had melted away. This was Seungcheol.

You closed the distance between you two wrapping your arms tightly around Seungcheol’s shoulders. He felt limp in your arms at first, the only reason you really knew that he was there was because you could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed.

“Seungcheol,” you whispered softly. You pushed Seungcheol back enough to look at him, your fingers buried into his shoulders. His eyes widened slightly when he realized that now… You were crying too. “You don’t have to go through these things alone.”

Seungcheol took a large shaky breath.

“But-”

“You did the wrong thing,” you said softly. “You can’t decide if people are better or worse for being in a relationship with you.”

Seungcheol nodded.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“And you shouldn’t be keeping… This to yourself,” you said. “If you need someone, I want to be there for you. If I were hurting, you wouldn’t let me be alone. I don’t want you to be alone when you feel like this.”

Seungcheol just stared at you with wide red eyes.

“Promise me that you won’t let yourself be alone when you feel like this anymore.”

Seungcheol pressed his lips together uncertainly.

“But who-”

“Seungcheol, will you go out with me?” You interrupted. Seungcheol’s mouth gaped wordlessly for a few moments.

“What? But-”

“I love you too Seungcheol,” you murmured. “Even when you are stupid and an asshole, I love you so much. You’re the last person that I want to lose.”

More tears streamed down Seungcheol’s face.

“You mean it?” He mumbled. You nodded.

“Did you mean it?”

Seungcheol raised his hands to your shoulders, gripping them tightly. He fixed you with a serious look, only made more intense by the tears on his face.

“Hurting you is the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I will never forgive myself,” Seungcheol replied, his voice steady. “I will never hurt you again.”

Maybe you shouldn’t. After all, these past few weeks you had felt close to miserable. Being apart from Seungcheol had hurt and being exes had been hard and it had taught you one thing for sure.

You loved Seungcheol and you trusted him completely.

You leaned forward, hesitant at first to press your lips to his. It felt wrong to do so when just a little bit ago you had never believed you would be able to kiss him again. But you practically melted into the kiss once it had started.

You wrapped your arms tightly around Seungcheol, able to taste the salty tears on his lips. He was the one who broke up the kiss.

“I love you so much.”

And Seungcheol kept his promise. From that day on he was careful, and honest, and he did his best to earn the relationship that he at first thought he didn’t deserve. And eventually, he realized what you had always known. He deserved the world.

And you were one other’s world.

[jessicas-pi]

paint bombs, pixie cuts, and elopements........

hehehehe

This is my Sabezra Medieval AU! (it's the sequel to Matchmaking, Mad Science, And Accidental Child Acquisition, which is a TCW/JFO/SWR Medieval AU.) PBPCAE has gone through SO many variations and plans and ideas and four or five times I've thought I might actually have the story 100% figured out until I stumbled over a plot hole and got stuck, but I finally went back to the beginning and thought it out, and i've actually got an ACTUAL plan now, so I'll ramble about it instead of sharing a snippet!

So, the backstory of it is this: Sabine is Viscountess Wren, heiress to Clan Wren. Ezra is an orphan who was found, rescued, and eventually adopted by Kanan (aka Prince Caleb Dume of Jedha) and Hera! Ezra and Sabine meet as children (she's 7, he's 5) in book 1 and get along like a house on fire. After the events of book one, they keep in touch--I haven't decided for certain, but Sabine might actually live in Jedha for a while.

Fast forward in time to the beginning of PBPCAE. Sabine is a young woman, just old enough to marry, and Ursa is discussing potential political matches with her. Now, up until this point, sabine had never ever considered marrying ezra, but then her mom goes and says "Sabine, I may as well be clear from the start. You will not be permitted to marry that Jedhan boy you're constantly running around with."

Sabine's response?

After some confusion, embarrassment, hilarity, and a trip to Jedha, Sabine manages to convince Ezra that This Is A Great Idea Actually. But there's a problem.

Jedha and Mandalore both have very complicated marriage customs and requirements. And Sabine knows her mother will use any objection she can. So Act 1 of the story is Sabine and Ezra doing a deep dive into Jedhan and Mandalorian law (with the assistance of Cal Kestis, Resident Nerd) and kind of go on a bunch of quests to make sure there can be no nitpicky legal objections whatsoever (i.e. they have to convince kanan to adopt ezra the mandalorian way as well as the jedhan way so that ezra would be considered actual royalty and therefore a good political match), while also keeping it a total secret so Ursa can't step in and stop them. The secrecy leads to some comedy due to Sabine and Ezra both being very bad at making up excuses as to where they've been sneaking off to.

Finally, they've settled every objection, and are preparing ye olde powerpointe presentatione on "Why You Should Approve Of This" for Ursa when a visiting Mandalorian with a bit of a grudge against Sabine sets her up, resulting in an Incident that nearly ruins Sabine's reputation, and causes Ursa to summon her daughter back home.

War breaks out in Mandalore.

Sabine and Ezra don't see each other for two years.

Enter Act 2.

The war ends, and Ezra and his family (which includes young Jacen!) are invited to Mandalore's Winter Court as part of the celebrations. (I haven't decided what plot reason there is for them to be there lol.) Ezra is ecstatic to see Sabine again, though he's a little nervous that two years will make things awkward, especially with their secret marriage plans between them (and the fact that, during their time apart, he came to terms with the realization that he had feelings for her. His friends Luke and Han, who know about the secret, have been giving him (extremely bad) advice on How To Woo Your Future Wife.)

'Tis not to be.

The first news Ezra gets upon arrival is that Sabine is engaged.

To be specific, Sabine is engaged to Carthage, the philandering slimeball son of Gar Saxon---and the same guy who set her up and nearly ruined her two years before. She's not happy about it, but it was part of the conditions of the peace treaty, and so she can't call off the engagement without a mutual agreement.

(Ezra is, understandably, heartbroken. He can't even be happy for Sabine because her fiance is a lousy person!)

Then yet another Incident happens and suddenly the whole Winter Court is convinced that Sabine is carrying on with Ezra behind Carthage's back. Carthage is mad.

Wait a second, Sabine thinks. This could be my ticket out of here.

So, in an attempt to make Carthage upset enough that he willingly agrees to cancel the engagement, Sabine and Ezra play themselves up as a starcrossed romance between a noblewoman in an arranged marriage and the peasant boy who became a prince and who also happens to be her childhood friend---basically they use all the dramatic tropes they can. Half of the Winter Court is scandalized by their behavior, and the other half is like it's the romance of the century!!!!

And when even that doesn't work?

Well...

There's always elopement.

[rentfreeinmyskull]

relationship chart for my main characters (didn't include Qeeo cause she's vibing on her own with her hubbie and their space dog).

long explanation coming so it's below the cut.

Nuri and Mai - are Master and Padawan (until Nuri was knighted). They got off on a rocky start - Mai was very cold and emotionless and Nuri had trust issues regarding people trying to tell her how to control her powers or what to do with them. However, after they crash landed on a planet and had to work together to survive, they gained a real respect for each other. Which eventually grew into mutual familial love. They just loved each other so fucking much. And then Mai sacrificed herself on Ziost so Nuri could escape and that scarred Nuri for years yay! Mai and Leiko - very much a 'let's adopt this wet dog' vibes. Leiko has a complicated relationship with his parents and with mentor figures in general, but Mai proved she wasn't like the others. Leiko really looked up to her and Mai loved him like he was her own.

Leiko and Rin - GOD. Okay. They're twins, they grew up together, trauma-bonded a shit ton, protected each other, had a very co-dependent relationship. And then Leiko got brainwashed and was ordered to kill Rin to get rid of his weakness. Leiko did nearly kill her, attacking her in the middle of the night, but he resisted the brainwashing long enough for her to fight back. Rin didn't know he was brainwashed so she just thought that her sibling had been her enemy this whole time. Long story short, Leiko escaped, joined the Jedi, got rid of his brainwashing, while Rin did her own thing in the Empire, heartbroken and lost. Rin found out about Leiko joining the Order and decided to hunt him down and make him pay. They fought, Rin nearly killed Leiko but then she found out he was brainwashed and 'forgave' him. I use that word sparingly cause she was still pissed but she realised it wasn't his fault. Eventually, they repair their relationship in full, but because they were apart for so long, they're not nearly as codependent and have actually become more mature people because of it.

Rin and Varn'ya - they are the guard/protectee trope. Just, so much fucking devotion. They love each other. They're gay. Enough said.

Varn'ya and Nuri - They're chill.

Nuri and Natila - They're also chill, but have the added thing of their shared love for Mai and eventually, their shared grief. They care about each other a lot and definitely needed each other after Mai's death.

Mai and Natila - Tragic sapphics, childhood friends to lovers to not speaking to hesitant allies to lovers to one of you died. You guys know the drill. They hurt me.

Nuri and Leiko - star crossed lovers! Accidentally forged a Force bond during their first fight, then Leiko escaped to the Jedi after nearly killing Rin and they became friends. And eventually lovers. Battle couple, I would kill for you, I would live for you vibes.

Rin and Nuri - Complicated. Rin didn't know the full picture of Leiko's brainwashing, etc, so she thought Nuri somehow tricked Leiko or did something to him to bring him over to the Order. Rin pretty much hated Nuri for a while there. But THEN, she saw a recording of Nuri and Leiko on a mission together and saw how much Leiko clearly cared for Nuri. Later, Nuri got captured by the Sith and was tortured. Rin found out and helped her escape, out of love for her sibling. They respect each other and eventually become friends.

Mai and Rin - their first interaction was a deadly lightsaber fight where Mai ended up cutting off Rin's arms, so their relationship didn't get off to a good start. They don't particularly like each other, but they have basic respect.

Natila and Leiko - they don't interact much, but they vibe.

Leiko and Varn'ya - enby/enby hostility. Varn'ya doesn't like Leiko for how he treated Rin (intentionally or no).

[carnal-lnstinct]

My Heart For Yours

VALENTINES DAYS EVENT

Conditions—

Please adhere to the request rules already in place for what type of requests I do and do not accept.

8 slots are available. One request per person, first come, first served. may change as the event goes on. Accepting for black readers and non-black readers.

Accepted requests will be listed below. The event is 18+ so safe for work and "naht safe" for work requests are welcomed! Be as sweet and spicy as you like. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Combine up to three hearts per request.

Characters: Goku, Vegeta, Broly (DBS), Raditz, Bardock, Gohan, Gogeta, Vegito

Requests will be tagged as *MH4U

Large fics/series updates will be put on hold for this time to focus on the requests.

Requests will be accepted at this time and will start posting at the beginning of February.

Heart Themes—

Send character + heart & details of the request. Combine up to three hearts. Be as detailed as you want. Open to AUs and writing prompt lists.

💓love as we know it - established/mutual love

💚 lovesick - corrupted love/obsessive love

🥰 love in quantity - ot3/poly/harem

💘 lovestruck - love at first sight/realizing love

💙 lovelorn - pining/unrequited

💜 love found skin deep - fwb/no strings attached

💔 love lost - heartbroken/falling out of love

💞 love to infinity - soulmates

💗 love conquers all - challenged/forbidden love

💌 love confession - romantic feelings reveal

💛 love shared through blood - familial/storge love

💝 love for the occasion - valentines day/holiday, birthday, wedding, anniversary

🤍 love by any other name - freestyle

Accepted (FULL/NOT ACCEPTING)—

Gohan - 💜💘 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Raditz - 💙💌 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Gogeta - 💞💗💚 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Vegeta - 💘 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Goku - 💜💘💌- Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Broly - 💘💌 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Vegito - 💙💌 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

Raditz -💗💞💓 - Accepted / WIP / Completed ♫

[sometimesoliloquy]

“Hey Nick... Try and be happy, ok?”

I’ve been thinking more about the phone call, and while I’ve seen a lot of conflicting opinions and have some complicated feelings of my own, I’m trying to focus on the positive, and there is one thing I’m doubling down on. As I’ve said, I think that "try and be happy" is Nick and June's way, after she is out of Gilead, of saying "I love you" to each other, without actually saying those three words. Maybe because the out loud verbal acknowledgement of their mutual love, faced with the reality that they can’t be together* is just too painful.

But I do think it’s kind of beautiful that the words they do use actually signify the kind of deep unselfish love, where as heart-rending as it is to be apart and imagine the other moving on, they do just truly want the other to be happy, or if that's impossible, at least be ok, at least try. They’re each telling each other that they understand, and they would never want the other to feel sad or guilty for grabbing onto whatever joy or comfort they may be able to find in their respective situations. Not because they’re no longer in love, or even despite that love, but because of that love.

We've already seen the evidence of this kind of love from Nick many times over: trying--and risking himself--to get her and Holly to freedom even if that means he can't be with them, relaying Luke's message of love to her even though it had to be incredibly difficult for him, gathering intel on Hannah never even imagining he'd be able to see her to deliver it himself, and letting her know he wants her to be happy, to move on with her life as a free woman in Canada with Luke and Nichole, if she can.

But I think this may be the first time we've actually seen it explicitly expressed from June, and that feels significant.

I also understand that a lot of people perceived the phone call as June using Nick, just wanting something from him, and while I can see that perspective, that ultimately wasn’t my read. Was the impetus selfish? Sure. It was Hannah, and the imminent danger of her daughter’s situation that’s just been even more blatantly thrown in her face. And of course she would have an overwhelming urge to speak with Nick, because he is not only the one who has been able to get information on Hannah, and not only the one person in Gilead who gets it and is concerned for Hannah’s plight, he is also the one person June has been able to go to in the last several years for understanding and solace, and also often a needed reality check.

She wants to ask about Hannah, but she also—even if it’s subconsciously—needs to connect.**The immediate peace that comes over her face when he answers speaks to that. And there is also relief in the little sigh she breathes out because she worries about him, too; she already knows he’s physically ok and his cover is safe (at least for now) because she just saw him on tv flanking Serena, but hearing his voice solidifies and makes it real (“it’s so good to hear your voice”). It’s the same happiness and relief as every time she sees him after being apart.

Nick knows her well enough to once again initiate the conversation with the quick reassurance that Hannah is ok. He understands that, as often happens in her traumatized maternal desperation and panic, Hannah is the initial single-track thought in her mind, to the point where she impulsively throws out completely ill-thought-out and unreasonable requests of him (as the chaotic version of June is wont to do: “we’ll drive north and get Hannah,” / “maybe you could transfer to her district"). And Nick grounds and calms her (as is the effect he has on her: “she loves you, I love you”…/ “she’s tough like you”).

She's heartbroken (though not surprised) to find out he's married—of course for what that means to her, but also what it implies for him, because she knows it’s not what he wanted, and she knows that it ties him down even more solidly to Gilead, effectively trapping him there (“I have obligations”). But at the same time she is relieved at the thought that his wife seems to not be a danger to him, and someone he can actually talk to and trust and get along with. Because if he has to be married to someone else, she wants it to be to the best person possible, because she does worry for him and she does want the best for him. And her vulnerable “would I like her?” is her way of confirming this.

She starts to especially break down while speaking to him of Nichole, because of course true happiness for her would include Nick, being with him and raising their daughter together; and because her heart breaks for him, not being able to be there as their daughter continues to grow. She tells him how much Nichole loves the doll he gave her, because that is something she can give him; a seemingly small thing, but one that means a lot: to let Nick know that a part of him is and will be with his daughter (“I thought maybe she could keep this with her”). She gives him what she can in that moment: I will keep our daughter safe and she will know about you.

And for me—in this scene heavy with subtext—I really did hear the underlying, implicit "I love you" in those words she echoes back to him, just as they were present in his words in 4x09. And in a heartbreaking, bittersweet way I think that it is an even deeper and more profound statement of love than the actual words could be.

~~

*Disclaimer: I cannot believe there is any world in which Nick and June do not keep coming back to each other—it’s practically canon at this point—and I have faith that they will get there. Any seemingly “final” language in this analysis as it relates to their relationship is only from the thought that this may well be the characters’ perspectives, given current circumstances: that it is impossible for them to be together in the way they both want. And, as always, they are never sure if this goodbye will be the last.

**I also think it’s kind of funny that we know Nick has also been wanting to talk to June (to tell her about Rose before that c*nt blabbermouth Serena can). It’s like she just beat him to it.

[uncertainwallflower]

FIC AUTHOR SELF REC Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Thanks for the tag @charmsandtealeaves! Check out Ray's post here.

1 Three Is a Lucky Number, You Know | Words: 4k. Rating: T.

Remus leaves Sirius in the lurch, going on an Order Mission with Marlene McKinnon and leaving nothing but a rushed letter containing no real detail. Sirius is left to grapple with his abandonment while Remus secludes himself in misery.

Ok ok ok I've posted about this a million times but this is one of the fics I'm proudest of. Took a while because I'm a perfectionist.

2 All's Well That Ends Well | Words: 13.7k. Chapters: 4/12. Rating: T. Co-creator: @merlinsbbeard.

Lily Evans is flung into the vicious cesspit that is the Hogwarts Dating Scene. Filled with boys and Quidditch parties and Firewhisky and friendly inter-house relations and tears and mean girls and public displays of affection—gag.

Laugh my f*cking ass off writing this with Merlin. May or may not be loosely based on true events of I won't say who...

3 Expectation's Encumbrance | Words: 1.7k. Chapters: 1/?. Rating: G.

Miss Lillian Evans is entirely uninterested in marriage, thank you very much. James Potter, Viscount Godric, could not agree more. After an introduction from a mutual friend, one Mr Lupin, the pair form a friendship in which they laugh at the ridiculousness of their marriage-minded society together and pass away endless tiring fetes in each other's company.

I am living out my Jane Austen dream and nobody can stop me! I really love writing this though. More time honestly goes into researching than it does writing (at least at the moment) and That's The Way I Like It.

4 To Live Without A Heart | Words: ~600. Chapters: 1/?. Rating: T.

James wasn’t home that night. It was the one decent thing Peter did, and James hated him for it.

Everybody needs a bit of gut-wrenching sadness in their life and this is mine :) I don't have enormous plans for this plot-wise. I do, however, have a Pinterest board and what more does a fic-writer really need? Rest assured (eventual) future chapters will be filled with heartbroken Daddy James.

5 I Can't Love Him | Words: 31k. Chapters: 6/?. Rating: T.

James Potter was an intolerable prick. A dim-witted, egotistical toerag who wasn't worth Lily's time. Well, unless, in the case of a good telling-off, that was very much worth it. This was true right up until the last few weeks of fifth year when Lily's whole life was flipped on her head, and she was left to work out what in Merlin's name to do with it.

Now... hear me out. This isn't exactly my best fic but it is my first!

Despite being many years old, it has never been finished and the initial version was very bad. There are actually many more chapters published on Wattpad—oh my—that you can go find if you're interested in poorly-written long-winded Jily fanfiction with little to no plot.

It has been undergoing a very big rewrite for a year+ now, the finished chapters of which are on AO3.

Taaaags: @merlinsbbeard @kay-elle-cee @ohmygodshesinsane @liiilyevans @blitheringmcgonagall

[amourdeleon07]

"Escapism" - A flash fiction

Hii!! This is my first flash fiction I'll be posting on Tumblr!! Thank you for stopping to read my work, it means a lot hehe :3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have always loved romance, but when I was given a chance to experience it, it never stuck around for long. I’ve loved someone but they only wanted me for their desires, I’ve loved someone but they left me, I’ve loved someone but the love wasn’t mutual, I’ve loved someone but it faded. After all the people I’ve loved, I’d always end up heartbroken, always left alone with nothing but a runny nose and a drenched pillow with my tears. 

In our modern society, I’ve always thought, ‘Is romance still alive? Is love nothing but desires and money?’, I honestly don’t know what’s considered what’s right and not anymore at this time and age. 

Recently, I’ve gotten into reading books, that mostly revolve around romance, my friend recommended me and I got hooked. I’ve honestly started reading because I was still heartbroken at that time, a fresh wound in my heart that pained me too much to the point I couldn’t even bring myself to properly do my daily routine, I just got out of a romantic relationship with someone…again…I needed a distraction to hide the pain so I started reading.

I read and read, drowning my sorrows in books, hoping it would go away, I probably already have a pile of romance books sitting somewhere in my apartment. I sighed as I closed the book I was just reading, and I felt my heart ache for the umpteenth time today. ‘I can’t believe I miss them…What am I doing? They left me for another…I should move on…’ I shake off my thoughts, messing with my hair in frustration. 

Why does love have to be complicated? Why does love seem so beautiful but hurts so bad? It’s like a rose…A beautiful flower but can hurt you with its thorns…Is love even for me? Am I supposed to fall in love and experience its beauty?... Is there even anyone who would love me for who I am without the influence of this twisted society?

I feel tears starting to form in my eyes, I try to cheer myself up, shaking off those deep thoughts… ‘I can’t cry again…I’ve shed too many tears already…I can’t afford to waste anymore…I’m practically wasting my own time…’. I got up from my seat, getting water to quench my thirst as I pulled out my phone, and started scrolling through social media, wanting to be updated with the world, even though it may be cruel and harsh, I still care about it. I scrolled and scrolled until I stopped, seeing one of my exes getting married, another newlywed couple, they found someone new…I stop and stare at the newlywed couple, feeling jealous as I immediately regret scrolling through social media.

‘Another happy couple…happily married huh…When is it my turn to have that? When will that be ever me with someone?... Why is everyone falling in love while I’m… falling behind?’ I sighed as I turned my phone off not wanting to go through it any further, placing it on the countertop as I sat and stared off into nothingness, reflecting on all the relationships I’ve been in. 

Am I too much? Too little? What am I lacking? Am I not good enough? 

This is so frustrating, how do people even do this?…

My eyes subconsciously diverted their attention to the book I’d been reading. I’ve read the book many times already yet I still always go back to it…I don’t know why, I can’t recall any reason that could explain why I keep going back to it. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, not understanding why I kept reading it over and over again even though it’s not even one of my favorite books I’ve read. The plot is nice but it’s not my all-time favorite. Is it the characters?... I mean the characters are really interesting, especially the male protagonist… 

The male protagonist…I mean he is really sweet and a nice person in general, he would do anything to protect his loved ones, he’s kind of cute too…Wait…Him? Cute? He’s not real, I don’t even know what he looks like apart from the description given by the author yet…I find him cute?... Do I have a crush on him or something? I’m in disbelief, not believing that I have a crush on a fictional character.

I stood up and went to pick up the book, observing it. I couldn’t help but smile as I skimmed through the book as I stopped and realized…

I do like him… I do have a crush on a fictional character. 

As concerning as it may sound, I don’t mind. 

A fictional character can’t hurt me, it can’t reject me, abandon me, or even leave me. I don’t even have to worry about getting heartbroken by a fictional character because…it’s fictional…ouch. Is this who I am now? A person in love with a fictional character? Surely I’m not the only one…right? 

To be honest…this is better than getting hurt almost always. This is better than facing the harsh and cruel reality, it may sound like I’m a coward running away but I need a break from all these heartbreaks, and if it means falling in love with someone I can’t have then so be it. 

I’d rather be happy because of my delusions instead of moping around feeling so depressed because of reality.

Call me crazy, delusional, mentally ill, I don’t care. I’d rather escape reality through these books than be hurt by the harsh reality. We all have our ways of being happy and feeling loved, this is mine and if people don’t like it, so be it, that’s not going to stop me from doing what I want. 

“These books help me escape reality.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you guys like what I wrote!! This was the very first flash fiction I wrote :D

[digestionsack]

Thought Bubble

Okay, I’ll be honest. When I was a casual viewer (pre S4), I had absolutely no emotional investment in any of the characters, plot lines or relationships in ST. I thought Milkvan was super cute in S1-2 and then S3 came along and I got bored of them really quick (I may have mentioned that I’m definitely the kind of person who likes “mutual pining and pre-relationship angst” and not “established relationship” as much). Lumax was casually on my radar but I still wasn’t that invested. And then S4 came along and completely flipped the script on me—for Byler and Lumax especially. I gained SO much respect for Lucas this season in regards to his relationship with Max this season. I wasn’t about that whole “cheesy teenage relationship” thing in S3 (not necessarily hating on that, I know a lot of people find it cute, but it’s just not my thing). And if I’m being honest, I really didn’t like the whole “Stalking for Love” trope they pulled in S2. But when S4 came along and it was revealed that Max had broken up with Lucas and he could tell that something was wrong and wanted her to open up to him but was STILL respecting her boundaries…I was like, “damn okay, I kind of love them together now.” The fact that they weren’t even dating and yet so much of S4 still emphasized their love for each other is so beautiful, truly. Lucas being good to Max and there for her even when they aren’t together (the book “Lucas on the Line” which I loved also emphasize how their relationship is more than just romantic; they are also best friends, which I think really comes out this season) and Max reaching out to Lucas in the ways that she can, even when she is struggling with her mental health.

So I guess I really don’t understand why people are at all worried about Max or Lucas dying in S5. Do not waste your energy worrying about that, my friends, because it simply won’t happen. Besides the fact that S4 was largely dedicated to saving Max and having her escape Vecna the first time only to die the second time would just be a huge letdown…I mean, come on. You do not build up a love as beautiful as Lumax for an entire season (plus their history) only to give them a sad ending—or at least anything short of emotionally satisfying. That’s not how Stranger Things works, especially as a show that has central themes of love.

And so adding onto that, I genuinely can’t understand why some people are so adamant that Will’s love for Mike will be left unrequited. Because, like Lumax, the writers have spent an entire season (plus their history) building this up. They wouldn’t spend a whole season beautifully building up Byler’s and Lumax’s relationships and throwing them challenges only for there to be no payoff. Like, how is that satisfying? How would Max dying in that coma and Lucas being heartbroken be satisfying? How would a rejection (even an amicable one) from Mike’s end be satisfying? Even when I was a casual viewer and didn’t believe that Mike would reciprocate Will’s feelings, the idea of a rejection put a sour taste in my mouth.

So why do people say that Byler can’t happen? Will’s feelings aren’t just a crush. It’s love. Will loves Mike and is always there for him, even if he assumes that Mike is pulling away and could never love him back. Lucas loves Max and is always there for her, even if her PTSD is making it hard for her to express how much she also loves him. S4 Byler is shown from the perspective of Will and for me, I saw S4 Lumax mostly from the perspective of Lucas. The love is built up in the same way. Take a look at all the Lumax/Byler parallels and try to tell me they aren’t being built up in the same way. 4 seasons of buildup with no payoff? Again, that’s not how this works.

*Note: As much as I would like to tag this Lumax to show my appreciation, support, and love for the ship, I do have a lot of Byler content in this post, and I have noticed that many Lumax shippers have become annoyed with Bylers clogging up their tag (especially with the release of “Lucas on the Line”). So out of respect, I will not tag. But to all the Lumax shippers seeing this: LUMAX ENDGAME FOREVER! (I also ship Elumax both so cute)❤️*