#her 'this . GUUUUYYYYY'

[kuiinncedes]

this . GUUUYYYYYY FI NAAL LY --

[autumnleavescoffeedreams]

Things You’d Never Know Without Fanfics...

(WARNING: Strongly advise you not to read/comment/reply if you’re easily offended as this is full of heavy sarcasm. If you do not get sarcasm, DO NOT READ.)

(Updated: 7/27/17... starts at #36)

1. Eyes are not called eyes. They are orbs. And usually the color of chocolate.

2. A woman will begin experiencing pregnancy symptoms less than 24 hours after sex. In some cases, there will even be a small bump.

3. It doesn’t matter if you’re a minor, you can still miss 12 days of school without any repercussions.

4. All female protagonists must have ridiculously complicated names or names that generally are associated with boys because they’re “not like all the other girls”.

5. Love triangles are completely original ideas.

6. When a male love interest says, “I’ll never hurt you” the chapter after he’s caused injury to his significant other, it’s sweet and romantic.

7. “Age is just a number” is a valid excuse, even when one person is 13 while the other is 21.

8. Parents don’t exist... and if they do exist, they are either extreme abusers or extreme pushovers.

9. All female protagonists can do no wrong. In fact, the only flaws they may possess are being “too clumsy” or “too stubborn”.

10. “His tongue begged for entrance” is a totally original line that has never been used before.

11. Polyvore is crucial to every story as it shows what the female protagonist is wearing.

12. No one skips over song lyrics, especially when the entire song is written out.

13. Every story should start off with an alarm clock going off. Bonus points if the main character groans and says how much they don’t want to go to school.

14. Mysterious people do not need to have any other traits except being mysterious.

15. People with glasses become 110% sexier when they take them off. Apparently I’m the only exception to this rule.

16. Readers love reading about every single item that’s in a girl’s bedroom, even though none of it will be mentioned again the rest of the story.

17. If the male love interest is attractive, it’s important to mention this in every chapter so the readers don’t forget.

18. Female protagonists must either be extremely wimpy or extremely badass. Having characters in between those two traits is overly complicated.

19. After writing a very well-written chapter, the author must always apologize if the chapter “sucks”.

20. The story will not be the same if the author forgets to list every single step of makeup application done by the female protagonist.

21. It’s okay to rip-off other movie/books/etc. by taking direct quotes from them while pretending they’re your own... just don’t give credit to the sources and no one will know!

22. Canon characters will spontaneously conjure siblings out of nowhere.

23. It’s not childish to have your characters’ dialogues look like the following: “OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG YOOOOOOOUUUUU GUUUUYYYYYS!!!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! UGHHHHH”

24. Even though the female protagonist is most likely a tomboy and therefore “not into girly things”, it’s perfectly normal for her to describe an entire shopping trip in great detail.

25. The protagonist is almost always an orphan whose parents died in some tragic way. This backstory has never been used and will gain instant sympathy from the readers.

26. All children have the wisdom of a 93-year-old world-weary man.

27. Amnesia can happen anytime, anywhere... usually right before the romantic interests get together.

28. Protagonists never die... but when they do, it’s always sacrificial (saving hundreds of lives in the process) which makes it okay and necessary.

29. Someone always ends up in a coma.

30. Modern day people getting sucked into anime shows is a common occurrence.

31. Also getting kidnapped by famous bands is quite common too.

32. Smoking instantly makes a person sexy as long as you can get past the yellow teeth, dry oddly-colored skin, brittle hair, horrible breath, coughing, gross nails, & the sexiest of all... lung cancer.

33. All females speak like valley girls when hanging out together.

34. Person 1: “I HATE YOU!” + Person 2: “I HATE YOU TOO!” = Romance

35. The main protagonist is basically Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every way.

36. When two people kiss, tongues engage in vicious dueling to exert dominance over the other. They can also perform “dances” together like tango, the waltz, and the jive.

37. Additionally, kisses are always “hot” and “searing”... it’s a wonder the people don’t suffer from second-degree burns in their mouths. (credit to @primarilytom for this one!)

38. A man must carry a woman bridal style and bridal style only.

39. No one likes heroes with flaws. That might make some people dislike your character... and they should be loved by everyone!

40. Beautiful people = good. Ugly people = evil.

41. Waking up from a nightmare always makes a person bolt upright in their bed while panting heavily.

42. Male characters that are cool and tough are not allowed to give a real smile. They can only smirk.

43. Sex always ends with the people involved climaxing at the exact same time.

44. The main protagonists should have an extremely tragic backstory (abuse, depression, torture, family deaths) in order to gain more sympathy from the readers and for their romantic interest to save them from their inner demons.

45. Bullies have no other personality traits other than being assholes.

46. Villain must give a long-winded speech revealing their backstory, why they became evil, and what evil plot they’ll execute next... all right before they try to kill the protagonist. This either ends with A) the hero escaping, or B) someone else coming in to save the hero just in time.

47. “That’s not canon!” is a valid argument that should be taken seriously... despite the fact that the story is fanfiction for a reason.

48. When two characters of the opposite sex hate each other, don’t be surprised if they randomly swap bodies. It happens all the time.

49. Hotels/motels only ever have one room available. Inevitably, this room will only have one bed so the two characters who kind of hate each other will be forced to share it.

50. Additionally, when the same characters wake up the next morning, they will find that they are cuddling and suddenly they question if they really hate the other person or not.

(Should I add more? Yes? No?)

[darkwing-katy]

Guuuuyyyyys there's this super cute guy my age at the place I work and he helped train me in the kitchen and we were literally flirting the whole time and he's the librarian at the school (I'm gonna be a substitute teacher) and he loves to read and I kept making jokes about how slow he was and he at one point tripped and legit said, "I'm normally not this clumsy. I don't know what's up with today." Like that's a thing I've only heard people say in movies????? And I dunno he visited me in the kitchen yesterday to bring me avocados because another teacher heard that we like avocados (she has a bunch in her backyard???) and brought a bag for us and the library will be finished by Monday so he said he'll show me it when it's done and also set up an account for me so I can check out all the animorphs books and not gonna lie I just have have the biggest crush on him and I don't even know if he's single or religious and those are the two most important things I need to know and also I don't even know if I'm ready to date again???? I don't know how to be in a relationship???? But he's so freaking cute and polite and I cannot wait to go to work on Monday just because i might pass by him.

[euphxmia-pxtter-blog]

Guuuuyyyyys I'm on the way to MD for a family reunion and I'm gonna see my FP (who also happens to be my cousin) in person for the first time since last thanksgiving and I'm really excited But also I'm stuck in a car for the next 10 hours and I feel really depressed and semi-suicidal And I'm also really anxious because I'm gonna be around a bunch of relatives and what if I mess it all up But I'm also hopeful because I heard my cousin/FP is having a hard time too so we can help each other And I'm super duper guilty and ashamed for being glad she's struggling because I love her and want her to be happy Just get all these feelings out of me before I explode