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cokoweee · 3 days

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Heavens to Betsy I’ve been meaning to go on this rant forever but I keep forgetting for some reason

Quick disclaimer- I’m not analyzing your comic at all, I just notice little accuracies that make me happy.

~

Ok coming from a psychology major student, your description of PTSD and mental health issues is actually pretty dang good. Idk if it was intentionally researched or not but there’s like a ton of stuff that’s consistent with real life trauma and it’s quite frankly impressive

Again not sure if this was intentional or not but the thing on his back reminds me so much of old school electroshock therapy which I adore bc

A: it causes confusion and memory loss which you’ve shown and

B: kinda implies that maybe he did his own research when deciding how to deal with everything or

C: again is incredibly accurate in the fact that most trauma patients continuously seek pain out, and in turn report feelings of extreme boredom and numbness when not actively experiencing pain or reliving trauma. In his case going borderline catatonic when he’s not freaking out.

On the topic of “freaking out” a lack or decrease in serotonin leads to a more reactive and intense episodes in PTSD. Or, because the little guy is like mega depressed coz of the whole situation, he gets way more intense and violent episodes that someone who was on like Prozac. And would tend to be more on edge and sensitive to triggers.

Then there’s his family. For some background, there’s a part of your brain called the amygdala. It typically works to control basic emotions, but responds very well to fear. In traumatic experiences, it pairs with the hippocampus (the memory center of the brain) to store vivid and occasionally sensory memories.

When a memory trigger is provoked and brought back into consciousness, it actually changes slightly depending on the context of which it recalled. Those memories are changed to fit how we make sense of them. So if he feels guilty for his brothers death, then his memories will reflect it whether or not it’s actually true.

Essentially, him having his brothers showing up all the time (looking the way they do) is really bad for him on multiple levels, and not just because they’re triggering visually. They’re like actually impeding his ability to recover by keeping him in an aggressive form of already intense fight or flight that comes from trauma.

On a happier note, one of the best ways to improve is to establish and nurture caring relationships. Awww

Aight ima stop here so I don’t bore you to death with random psych facts, but like kudos to you my dude because I could go on forever about some of the stuff in there

Uh yeah

-writing anon 🤡

WRITING ANON? SLAPPING OUT ANALYSISSISIS AND SHIT?

Bein real I dont do much research on shit even tho I should. I just go off what I’ve seen/ learned throughout the years. It’s always good to hear I’m doin ahit right tho!

Lowkey right with the shock tho. Or high key lol. Seeking pain there’s other ways people do it but mmm somehow this seemed the tamest way. Oh writing anon u silly lil saltine cracker

#asks and replies

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wundrousarts · 9 months

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Mini Silverborn Countdown

If you’ve been around for a few years, you’ve seen me vaguely mention a “Silverborn Countdown Challenge” several times. It’s been delayed and changed as many times as the book itself, lol.

If anyone wants sort of a low-stakes, very chill and spaced out version of this ye olde never tackled challenge to complete in the next year before Silverborn, I propose what I’m doing:

Every 3 months leading up to the initial release, I am creating one thing based on each of the books.

January — Nevermoor

April — Wundersmith

July — Hollowpox

#nevermoor #nevermoor fanart #nevermoor fanfic #silverborn #silverborn countdown challenge #thank you theo for reminding me to post abt this on here. I am stealing the “mini” moniker (?) in return. lol.#this was in my drafts and I forgot to post it. happens a lot lol.#anyways if you’re reading this happy new years !#nine masterpost ver 1.0 dropping tomorrow evening prob bc I have had a headache all day and that’s the next time I’m free #now time to sleep. zzzzzz. perhaps I’ll have a prophetic silverborn dream. who knows.#I love giving myself set times to draw nevermoor things or just think about the series bc otherwise I go insane #literally thinking abt this stuff 24/7 it’s all I want to draw. But then I have to hold myself back + then end up never drawing anything lol #I have three big things planned for this like big pieces to work on over awhile and get myself out of my comfort zone #but idk what to draw for this first one. aahhhhh. excited for wundersmith and hollowpox though.#also I want to do a little animation for nevermoorian new years. which is on a leap day this year! how fun!!#I have an eternal nevermoor to-draw list that only gets bigger #sorry to the person that requested some Christmas stuff last year. I missed out and was gonna do it this year. then no time. so next year? 😅#also 🏆 to anyone that ever reads my ramblings in my tags. I am so insane about nevermoor especially. <333

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echojedis · 1 year

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It still does not compute in my head that they killed off Tech

#look here he is riot racing! here’s a potential love interest! look at him pushing for them to rescue crosshair! nevermind he’s dead #i still don’t know how i feel about it #i’m rewatching the season rn and i think there’s a decent amount of evidence that he’s going to live #but at the same time. the riot racing epsiode and the moments with phee just make me feel a bit 😕 now #like really. really!!#they ended it on such a weird note it’s so..especially the stuff with phee #they clearly have some communication issues they’re in an awkward place where they don’t quite understand each other yet #and then it’s just…not going to go anywhere #iirc dbb mentioned something about negotiating relationships but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. he’s dead though #idk i do like techphee but having them not work out and just be friends would be a much more satisfying resolution #than ‘oops he’s dead lol’#this is very rambly and i haven’t had coffee yet so i don’t know if this makes any sense i apologise

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bluastro-yellow · 1 year

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get it Kim has a lot to unpack do you get it

it's imperfect I'll never polish it just take it as it is I should have put aerostatics not airplanes...

#I don't know how the hell to draw kim #PLEASE gib me feedback #pretend the dialogue is better this is all I can do lol. but you get the gist of it #aaa give me constructive criticism. the other post about kim secretly being a loser made me think about what his apartment would look like #and this popped in my head I had to draw it #is this in character?#there's no eyebrow battle because in my head this happens some time in the future where kim opens up a little more easily #at this point he trust him with his secrets more (but not completely. harry's not touching the blue box today)#but it's a mixture of ''maybe if I tell x he will stop asking for more'' and real trust #but like do you see that happen #it's a secret because he doesn't want other people to learn that insisting can work #like I said in the tags of the other post I think he never lets anyone in to the point of avoiding calling the plumber even if the sink #has been broken for months #addition: fuck I should have putted more machines in there. I couldn't think of anything else other than radio controlled airplane #and a sewing machine. he must have more stuff like the camera.#he'd have some dangerous thing to warm the room #and nerd stuff. I'm not sure if he'd display it or keep it boxed somewhere #disco elysium #that's a convertible couch-bed if you can't tell. half covered with the Pile #pointless microblogging #it's so hard to draw them right they look different in every official thing #believe me I have tried #idk how to put more of the skills here :/#I have achieved peak kimharry brainrot I can't go back

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bacchuschucklefuck · 4 months

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would you like to elaborate on any gender analysis or headcanons for the bad kids?

I love th way this is worded. what if I wouldn't like to where would we be

#not art #I am Not puttin u on the spot anon u probs mean well! and we all talk that way in certain directions. this is more abt me bowing out lol #like. idk dont got a lot to add here! like I believe in transfem fig and a world of beautiful genders in the future for gorgug but #ngl I am. severely limited in how I experience gender. on account of not really having one #like thinking-a-character-changing-gender-would-mean-nothing-about-them level of limited #I did that post on riz and gorgug pretty specifically from the cultural angle bc That is something I have experience with #and most of it really was just like. reading the vibes from canon details #some stuff jumps out to me pretty clearly sometimes! and thats kinda it #and like. a lot of Gender Readings will necessarily return to elaborate on the setting and how it works specifically there for me #gender is a construct means gender necessarily depends on where and when it's perceived and enforced etc #and that I'm not putting in a post lol. at the very least if I talk abt that Im doing a comic #as well it will always interact with the world around it in important ways that are so mundane and small a tumblr post would be #a subpar container for it #so I guess my answer really kinda is ''I wouldn't like to'' lmao. genuinely. black box computing #when I got something to say abt it I will! and until then I will simply chill n do other thangs #thats all thank u for ur time. I resume drawing now. sayonara

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eternal-reverie · 5 months

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got the posting anxiety bad tonight

#click clack #ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go #ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog #BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me #because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art #like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public #and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot #a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury #the original posts I put here #but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication #my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵‍💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen #dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself #and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences #maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art #just a slow drip until they are in the forefront #bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out #I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad #post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃

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keeps-ache · 6 months

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could be cool !!

#just me hi #there's a specific part of pi.e i have a disdain for and it happens at pretty much the beginning of the story #don't like it cuz it always feels awkward when i write it. no fun!#but i was Just thinking of how i could show it and ouuugugushsughsosgh. ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgh #Could Be Cool !!#could be really cool !!!#Could be. let's keep it realistic before i jinx myself hfbhs :3 #i just gotta finish part one of chap one and then.. and Then.... ehehhegh... and then i gotta start working on the Rest of the first fourth #of this story :/#i have next to nothing for this spot so. let's see how bad winging it can go hfvsh #the first fourth is pretty calm i think - not much happens so i dunno if it'll take as long as i think it will #don't want it to drag too much but also don't want it to go too quick or it may just disappoint me lol #//anyway i gotta make a timeline for this thing #oh and also the little lore thing i keep forgetting about lol #the problem w/ that is that there is So Much idk how to organize it fbsh #it's prolly not really that much but Man. feels like a lot hfh #it's mostly species + histories stuff i'm stuck on so !#/MAN. okay i'm thinking about it again #i have a normal brain about some of the things involved here hvbshvf 👍👍👍#could be cool. that's all i'm here to say lmao :3 #//omw now though - i have 8 more pages to go and then i gotta start formatting part 2 of 1 👍#stopped for like a week despite Insane progress bc i hit the Tiniest road bump in the world hfvhbs #but on it now!! so here i go :D toobles !!

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akkivee · 1 year

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are we one and done with these or we thinking they’re going to be a factor in the off arc???? 🤔

#this is vee speaking #idk maybe there’s some underbaked concepts presented here #and by that there’s more to come lol #i’d feel a little bit better if it was mixed up teams in whatever order for the ep art but here’s possibilities to consider lol #the first guidebook art tbh really has me like 🤔 even after all these years lol #it’s that divide man 😩😩😩 i wonder if my guess about it is still relevant lol but i don’t remember the specifics of it #i don’t remember exactly what i said about the cover but i’m sure it was wrong lmao still!!!!! what if unexpected relevancy!!!!!!#as for cross a line there is admittedly a lot in this i can see being relevant i’m just not entirely sure how lol #like gencha and hitoya for instance!!!!!!! yeah they do have a brother complex and carry their brother’s name with them!!!!!!!!#*leans in* and what are we doing with that lmao #sasara and kuukou!!!!!! they want to reform the world because they felt hurt from their families!!!!!!! great!!!!!!!#∠ ( ᐛ 」∠)_ will they be a leader combo finally oooooooooooooooooooorr????????????#rei and juto!!!!!!!!!!!! they both had the brilliant idea of working with the enemy for their goals!!!!!!!!!!!!#so what else we got???????????? 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂#like there’s very obviously stuff here is there more to it????????? there is right???????#*wheezing* w…………….. why isn’t it august yet……………….#c: rapping boys

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apollo-just-ice · 1 year

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Love that I had the thought “hmm well some of this stuff in my fic might not be completely accurate :/“

But then I reminded myself it’s like a totally self indulgent written for *me* thing,,, like yeah! It doesn’t have to be perfect, I am writing what makes my heart happy! That is all that should matter really!! And so now I feel okay, honestly. Good job, me.

That rly is an important thing to remember when creating things, is that foremost it should be making you happy, no matter inaccuracies or popularity or anything else

Also an essay of my thoughts about writing a pmd fic below in the tags hahah oops:

#lol yes I have been working on a pmd fic that I may or may not post when it’s done #it’s like such a conglomeration of different points in my life when I played the game and thoughts and feelings from throughout those times #something that can be. so personal #I wanna make a mark of having some pmd content shared I think so!#but yk so maybe there is some wavy logic in the human (before they became a Pokémon) being able to talk to Pokémon #but that is always how I imagined it must’ve been as a kid without question #and that I know Grovyle and the mc aren’t the main relationship the game wants focus on #but for me over the years I more and more find it fascinating to think about #especially just with the context of a friendship that now only has memories remaining with one person #and stuff like that #but I don’t super delve into angst bc I also rly just want this to be cozy at the end of the day #happy warm soft fuzzy cozy vibes #which I probably get from nostalgia alone here but writing it I feel those energies in it #but while the partner character doesn’t get as much of a focus she is still so dear to me methinks #idk this rambling has been going on so long rn lol #I hope all that I have been putting into this fic shows through in the end #I’m not even done writing it yet it has been a challenge at times but I sure do want to complete it #okay thanks and thanks like sm if you read the tags hahah <3 #now we are going to do proper tags so maybe people will see this…#pmd #pmd explorers #pokemon mystery dungeon #pokemon #fanfic #writing #content creating #? idk what to tag bc the advice/whatever u would call it can apply to more than just writers I think…#pmd2 #pmd eos #pmd sky

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non-un-topo · 1 year

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At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer

#i noticed every summer i get progressively worse lol #like not in terms of writing but in terms of everything else goin on in my head #i mean if anyone is craving some dark and depressing shit i've got bits and pieces here #it's like i'm writing for an audience even in my own mind. can't finish anything because it's __ __ __ etc and my niche is too niche.#did my last fic really burn me out that much?? i mean it was basically 30 thousand words and there was a LOT packed into it #maybe i should finally respond to comments and i'll feel better.#something's been going on with me for the past couple months (maybe longer) and i'm just annoyed ALL the time #feel like i want to give up everything and stop talking to everyone. ((it could be my out of whack hormones mind))#so if i haven't been as active and haven't drawn or written much that's why. i'm pulling away and curling in like an atrophied limb.#my brain is just permanently in school mode. i can feel it gearing up for the oncoming year that's going to be super intense.#like would it even matter if i post any more work before september? idk why i can never seem to chill or take a break for even a minute.#i still have drawing projects i want to finish at least! taking me literally all summer because of surprise health problems.#partner was consoling me about how i feel for writing '''weird''' stuff with almost no focus on romance #saying that SOMEbody has to write what i write so that should keep me going. i just tell myself that it could be worse -#- i could be primarily a femslash writer. they are the real heroes and they get no respect.#idk why i'm getting so angsty #i think i might be romance/sex repulsed atm. not in real life at all but in fandom. i'm bored of it. and i'm bored of conversations about i #i'm sure i'll change my mind in what two weeks or so.#maybe i'll try to write something original #i have things in my ask box i should respond to. like asks about my writing. i just haven't been feeling well #so i haven't had the right brain to respond :( but i see the asks and i'm grateful <3 #anyway peace and love

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risingsunresistance · 2 years

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#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said #but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard #every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT'#he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project #how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year #i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again #drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it #cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :(#i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard #i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to #i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol)#i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him #it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up #but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough''#so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa #idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me #idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh #chat #tw death

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loverboybitch · 2 years

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hi i would just like to report that getting out of my house and being a member of society is cool and kind of rules even when its scary yeah.//.

#uploads #imjustsittinghere #meeting this at work like actually went well it was really chill and cool to see everyone #like yeah i did embarrass myself trying to introduce myself wehn we all went around idk i got like really anxious halfway thru #talking and sortve just mumbled off the end of my intro but it wasnt so bad i think #at least had good chats with like two people ive only sort of met online and they were nice so : )#literally forgot how nice it was jus to be around other people and do work and stuff its cool. we all had to get new laptops #and were just hanging around the IT station waiting and chatting and i felt a littel more whole than i have been #oddly feeling restored instead of drained and feeling better than i have been the last couple weeks #no idea how long it will last but we can treasure the joy for now #ordered some books i wanted and a bunch of new yarn #plus my new hoodie is finally supposed to get here tomorrow so im pumped : )#still missing alot and a little lonely but ya know what else is new #thank u to everyone for not making fun of me for being vulnerable on my ig story i had to get it out #n truly i really just was like this is stuff i post and say on tumblr anyway why not be a lil open about my feels to my close friends #smtimes its good to be a lil vulnerable even if its scary #very much love <3 :*#oh and also jsut on==unrealted #but i hate that i look better with a fresh clean shaven face cause shaving is so annyoing lol #like i really do look way more cute and handsome i just cannot be fucked to shave more than once a week really or even that often #keep thinking like i should get laser hair removal on my face but no that is far too permenant #what if i look handsome with a beard when im older #but for now i need to toggle that shit off like a video game character i swear #anyway <3 very sleepy just finishing work have a big day of recceving packages and sewing with my friend later #kiss kiss xx

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reikunrei · 1 year

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thought i just had a really interesting idea where maybe El’s power isn’t being able to open gates to the UD but maybe she’s the one that’s actually splitting off all of these alternate timelines and stuff and the gates/cracks are just the manifestation of these alternate universes/timelines that you could potentially jump between and just like it’s ALL because of El, but then i remembered that uuuhh Henry exists. and like. he. did some shit in the Creel house when “he” killed his family. and i went hm. oh yeah. hm. hm. me? idiot, mayhaps?

#LIKE idk idk enough about the whole aspect of the creel house and everything that went on the night of the murders #like some other ppl do like i dont know all the details and stuff #but like there was def a split between henry and Mystery Edward Boy i guess #so like. that's the split there #but could it have STILL all originated from el????#idk this is me trying to make timeline splits and alternate universes actually interesting to me #and like. fun and actually make sense in the show lol #it still just doesnt really FEEL RIGHT to me #DESPITE the fact that the ud IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE #they just gotta be reaaalllly careful with how they do it #dont turn it into some fucking dogshit marvel fucking suckass shit #i hate marvel can you tell :) they have ravaged the movie ecosystem :) the bane of my existence truly :)#like. i think once it starts being like 'we're putting every single possible alternate timeline in here'#it's like okay this sucks and is lame actually where's the stakes in that #i think ive seen ppl say there's like. 3-4 that are easy to pick out #'easy' lol but like 3-4 that you can find evidence of in the show #and i think just having the rsu and the ud is nice bc like. it's just a very clean cut #i think 3-4 is a good number tho like. offers a little more intrigue #without getting too overwhelming #like. i just feel like having 100000 possibilities doesnt work for this show #keep it simple. please. let eeaao take the stage for doing a good job having 10000 alt timelines #im just glad s5 is sticking only in hawkins bc man. s1-2 are so good bc they are SO small scale #i wish it had always stayed small scale :(#i dont want them to save the whole world i want them to save their friends and their little town and that's it :(#give me tangible stakes that i can actually be worried about them not meeting :((((#ANYWAY COMPLAINT OVER!!!! BYYYYYE!#i say things #stranger things //

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orcelito · 2 years

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honestly there's smth rly nice about fellow creators who r obsessed with the same fictional character. how our interpretations are all slightly different. but we r just nodding at each other like Good Portrayal, my dude

idk, it's nice

#speculation nation #like definitely my favorite interpretations r my own. that's why theyre mine lol #i have Opinions about how akechi should be. some very strong opinions.#but while some of them are 'if you do this thing with your interpretation of him i will literally not interact with this work bc i hate it'#others r just like 'thats not how my personal interpretation of akechi acts but that's okay <3'#i feel like there's some ambiguity for How He Is behind all his masks and everything. bc we never truly do see him with all his walls down #we get glimpses. little sights of something vulnerable in conversation at leblanc or a vulnerable vent in the bath #and then we see him being just. SUPER no nonsense in 3rd semester #3rd semester is certainly closest to How He Is. but it's not everything. bc those soft moments still existed in the prior stuff too.#how people interpret these things inform how they portray him as a character. which i think is rly fascinating to see.#so yea there's a level of variance from my favorite interpretation of him that i find fine & good from other ppl #... and then there's SOME interpretations that just have me like. are we looking at the same fucking character? what is WRONG with you #*cough*twitter goroboys*cough*#lmfao. idk i just follow a lot of goro fans on here #of Course i do. we flock to each other. we love him very much.#and i enjoy how many friends ive made through this lksjdflsdjf we are here with our goro interpretations... Together <3

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seddair · 3 months

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#hmmm #i have Thoughts about eddie and his storylines lately #because while certain people loooove to pretend that buck is still on the hamster wheel (the showrunner and the actor disagree with you+#move on) eddie is really the one stuck in there at this point #like the shannon stuff was very evident of that #as interesting as it is to have to deal with christopher being big mad at him and leaving him alone for a while to deal with his shit #bringing back the shannon stuff around and sort of writing his love life into a corner was not the best way to go about it!#and yeah making it very evident that not only is eddie very much still hung up on shannon but that he consider her the love of his life+#is writing him into a corner!#like how could he possibly have a satisfying long term relationship or endgame when we know this??#like this is the sort of thing you do either right before you end the show or write the character off #which brings me to my next thought…#maybe it’s time they do exactly that…?#especially if chris won’t be around much or at all after this #they seemingly have no idea what to do with eddie anymore #which is a shame because he’s a great character and his s5 arc is some of the best character work this show has ever done #but like… where do we go from here?#if another love interest is brought in for eddie how are we sure the shannon of it all won’t just ruin it again?#how can we really trust that eddie truly has moved on and is ready for something again #when they clearly tried to convey that in s6 and then just took it all back in s7 lol #idk eddie is in a pretty tough spot to do anything with now #so idk maybe it’s time #they clearly aren’t going to do the queer arc so many in this fandom want so lol #idk just been thinking about some things and i have nod clue what they want to do with eddie’s character anymore #and frankly i don’t think they know either #which is a very dangerous place to be #anyway

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snekdood · 4 months

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so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh

#and then as soon as i left that situation all of my art became normal again lmao #i went from drawing weird cryptic things that quite literally would only ever make sense to me #to just. drawin landscape stuff like normal again sdhvfdvghsd #i mean there a couple cryptic things here n there after but like. not nearly as cryptic at all. like you could p much easily make out what #is trying to be conveyed. the other shit is like. nothing. you couldn't understand unless I had to explain everything that happened #gotta say guys doing shrooms and being abused do not mix well at all #bc when im not being abused and im on shrooms shit is great. im feeling lit. all i wanna do is draw nature stuff #but that moment in my life? phew...#vent #i literally thought I died. like i literally thought I wasn't actually alive and I was in some mirror version of earth that was the #underworld-- so much happened. its kind of distressing to think about all the weird fucking visions i got #and its not even like it was always like that when I did shrooms with that person- initially in the love-bombing phase I was fine.#all of my art from then looks pretty fuckin normal save for ig more colorful stuff and trippy patterns or whatever. but otherwise fine #if anything it enhanced my art #its only after the gaslighting and the putting me down and the withdrawing love shit started happening that i just like. snapped.#idek. it was all so surprising to me because they really did convince me they loved me.#not only all of that abuse-- also the enabling my conspiracy theory brain too which didn't help #which ironically my art didn't have much do to with actual conspiracy theories but the mindset was implemented in to me so #there was a lot of weird delusions and paranoia and just like. stuff that didn't make sense but also did if I explained it?? idek #there was like a consistent story to my weird visions but it didn't make sense also. like there was no real reason for things to be what #they were or look the way they did or whatever #but there Was a consistent story still #its something i *want* to encapsulate into maybe a comic or picture book or something but like. idek if i could encapsulate it all #theres so many bits and pieces that idek if i could fully convey- idk #dawg even my stuff from after my couple of 'acid' trips wasn't as confusing and cryptic as the stuff after being abused #one common theme in a lot of it is its intentionally repelling. every part of my being knew I needed to be away from that person in spite #of how they would pretend to be friendly with me so some of that art is trying to scare them away in a weird cryptic way that tbfh #they probably didn't understand either whenever a pic was trying to do that like what it even was trying to say- thats kinda how fucking #crazy i got from that whole situation. i think part of me felt like that at least if it was vague and unhinged that it would scare them #away idrk. i do think it worked lol. even if it doesnt really fully make sense at all. idk. but 0/10 one of the worst periods of my life

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