WHAT‘S AN INTROVERT TO DO WITH THE GREAT COMMISSION?
We are what we think about ourselves. And as if being our own worst enemy wasn't enough, we get plenty of help from society to shape our thinking. Pick your poison. There's an article, a podcast, a TED Talk, a book, a conference tailored just your size—affirming and encouraging what you might resonate with the most. There's a plethora of identities to diagnose yourself with. We wear whatever fits best.
No doctors are needed. Introvert is a label we place on ourselves. It's all about how well we know our own self. And as I'm writing this now, I'm realizing how often I'm having to use the word self. The answer to the question of whether you're an introvert or extrovert comes down to how self aware you are. I'm sure those around us could chime in on the topic as well, but we know us better than anyone.
Take me for example. I'm a textbook introvert by nature. I mean, I physically feel my heart trying to leap through my chest at the thought of speaking in front of a room full of people. Even a tiny room. The more courage I muster up to open my mouth, the more intense it gets. Being in a large group setting for an extended amount of time is about as exhausting for me as running a 2K in a sweat suit in the middle of July. I'd much rather stay home and read.
Then there's the chronic brain cramps, like a car engine misfiring, that leave me saying something totally different than my original thought. Seriously. Something happens in between my medulla oblongata and my mouth. When I'm with my wife she can see it happening and just gently grab my arm. That's my cue to find the nearest exit from the tangent I was running off on. Lord knows where it was going.
I had always thought there was just something wrong with me. Until a few years ago when I was rescued by the fresh wave of content that welcomed my social awkwardness with open, loving arms. And of course, a label that gave it value. The whole introvert/extrovert spiel is nothing new. But there just happened to be a surge of articles from some trendy and intellectual sources that caught my eye.
I don't know where things went south for me. I've always enjoyed making people laugh. I'm just naturally not very comfortable with people I don't know well. My mom most definitely has the "life-of-the-party" personality. Everyone who knows her knows that. She's loud and fun. My dad, on the other hand, was one of those rare breeds of people who understood the art of perfecting his craft. This meant tunnel vision. It meant working while everyone else was sleeping. He did always make time for me, though. And for the record, he did have a personality. He also had no problem performing in front of large crowds since he was a professional musician.
Then there's me.
In all my self-analysis I've tried to trace back to the cause. As if I were an alcoholic trying to find the beginning of my downward spiral. I was in the acceptance stage. I guess I'm just weird like that, I said to myself.
Then after reading more about it from a positive standpoint, I was able to switch a few letters around in that word weird. Instead, I realized I was just wired like that. Not everyone is meant to be the life of the party. God made me this way and it is oh so okay.
I clung onto verses like Psalms 139:14 that says "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I found comfort in the fact that God doesn't make mistakes and that He made us uniquely different. The sovereign Creator made all things yet has no errors or accidents. Including me.
So I set out to be the most confident introvert there ever was. I was newly content in my skin. I was ready to take on the world—quietly and subtly, of course. Then I remembered the story of how God used Moses in spite of his insecurity. He had some sort of issues with his speech and didn't think he was good enough for God to use him. Even after He performed two miracles to remind and reassure him of His power. I just love what God said to him: “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” (Exodus 4:11-12)
That resonates with me on such a deep level. As it does with any one of the seventy-three verses over the course of three chapters in the book of Job when God put him in His place. You can't help but feel the mammoth difference between the Creator and His created being.
Then came some serious soul searching to find the place where my gifting and passion intersect as it relates to the kingdom. Music.
Questions arose like how does an introvert pursue music? More specifically, how does one pursue a role like leading worship? Because the men and women who wear those shoes have radiant, magnetic qualities that I don't possess. They're outgoing and witty. Not shy and quiet.
I read the job description and line after line was a case toward my inadequacy. There was no way I could do all of those things. I prayed for God to change me, knowing fully well that He was capable and would if He wanted that for me. I begged Him even. All I have to work with is a surrendered heart, the ability to carry a tune (that's debatable) and a passion for theology. There's plenty left to be desired. So I've accepted the fact that I don't fit the mold of a worship leader—at least by popular standards.
Still, I've wrestled through trying to discern what was actually true about myself and what lies I've been believing. Because there is a lurking enemy who day and night plots ways to steal, kill and destroy. I'm sure I'd be a threat to him if I were invoking the presence of God and inviting others to join me in His glory. What a potential threat that makes me.
But the fact of the matter is that leading worship is not a God-appointed mandate. Whether or not I'm up on a stage, or in the pews, or in my car, or even the shower, I can sing Him praises from my heart. He may not need to use me front and center. I have total peace there.
But what does a so-called introvert do with the Great Commission? What do I do with the call to share the gospel? How can I radiate the joy of the Lord and love others well? What about community? What about using my gifts to edify the body? These things aren't so optional. In fact, they aren't at all. And I have no peace whatsoever with where I measure with those things.
I just can't wrap my brain around the notion that I could stand before God and it going something like this:
God: What have you done with My words? What have you done for My kingdom?
Me: Well, you see… I have this condition. I wanted to do all these grand, amazing things but… but You made me this way.
God: That's true. I'll give you a pass. But what about when I wanted you to pray for that man in the parking lot? And why is it that none of your neighbor’s know Me? I placed you right next to them. I also surrounded you with brothers and sisters to help you.
Me: I wanted to engage but I just couldn't calm my pounding chest. I was too scared, too shy. And what if they think I'm weird or I mess everything up?
God: Well, I know you wanted to and I know you tried. As long as you know Me I guess it's okay. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. Even though My Son went through much worse for you and it's not My will that any should perish.
I'd be willing to bet that you also have a hard time finding that scene to really play out that way. I also want to make sure that anyone reading this who identifies themselves as an introvert feels encouraged and not offended by the end of this post. There are plenty of legitimate factors that make it extremely difficult in a social setting. These challenges are an annoying reality.
But this enemy of ours is also an enemy of God's. He's a liar and the father of lies. He the master of deception. From the beginning he's whispered falsehood that contradicts what God says. He contradicts what He says about us and where our true identity lies.
So the real question is what does God say about us? What does He say about me?
My wife and I got plugged into a church with a missional mindset and a pastor who is leaping head first into the daunting task of breaking away from traditional church as we've known it. I just love him. And discipleship is the collective tone of the body.
On our first Sunday we joined them already in progress as they were going through the gospels. Not long after that, the pastor led our small group by teaching on what he gleaned from his recent trip to Haiti. This was the game changer for me.
Apart from already being confronted with the reality that sharing the gospel is as much about building relationship as it is about sharing faith, and that either of those things involve interacting with other humans, there's a lot more truth to be added. There's more coal to the fire.
The gospel is the lens that all of life passes through. In our small group we addressed the different insecurities and hindrances and doubts and fears that keep us from making disciples. There were so many lies I've allowed myself to believe. Then they were eclipsed by God's truth.
We turned to 2 Corinthians 5:17-21:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
The words that have taken root in me are new and ambassador. We are in a constant battle of spirit against flesh. Old nature versus new. This is one of those concepts I've heard thousands of times but in this context, understanding that Christ made me new was like a ceasefire amidst this war that’s brewing inside me.
It's like being knighted. It's like having your name changed from Jacob to Israel or from Saul to Paul. And with this new identity comes a new role. Ambassador. I literally carry God's righteousness! Not mine. I walk and talk bearing the righteousness of God. The act of being made new was Him bringing me to Himself. As His ambassador in His righteousness.
So what else is true about my identity?
I'm a conqueror. (Romans 8:37)
I am complete in Christ. (Col. 2:10)
I've been chosen. (Eph. 1:4, 1 Peter 2:9)
I have power. (Isaiah 40:29-31, Romans 8:11, 2 Cor. 12:9, 2 Tim. 1:7)
I have authority. (Luke 10:19)
I am helped. (Isaiah 41:10)
I am loved. (Romans 8:38-39, 1 John 3:1)
I am strengthened. (Phil. 4:13, Eph. 3:16, 6:10, 2 Tim. 1:7)
I am courageous. (Deut. 31:6)
I am bold. (6:19-20)
I am free. (John 8:36)
I am brave. (Joshua 1:9)
I was created for good works. (Eph. 2:10)
And there’s more…
God is actively in the process of finishing the work He started in me (Phil. 1:6).
He grants me access to everything I need (2 Peter 1:3).
He can do far more than I could even fathom (Eph. 3:10).
It is Christ who lives in me and I have His mind (Galatians 2:20, 1 Cor. 2:16).
God keeps me in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3).
His truth is where my thoughts should live (Phil. 4:8).
This is who I am. These are the abilities I possess. This is who you are and the abilities you have. When we get out of bed and take on the day ahead, with all it's opportunities and it’s challenges, we should as our true selves. And we can only do that after we've given up our claim to who we are outside of Christ.
When you surrender your entire being to the Lord, He can have His way with you and change you as He wills and for the best possible purposes. There's liberty in surrendering. There's a calming confidence in knowing that He who knows best, is best and wants our best has the control. We don’t need it. And we're better off without it.
It's why Paul knew he could rely on his flesh for absolutely nothing (Philippians 3:3). The God who calls us to “go” doesn't send us out in our own skin wearing all our humanity. We are too bent in ways that disrupt His perfect mission. Each of us have parts of ourselves that we need to bring under His submission. We need every bit of Him and all that He offers us in order to carry out the mission He called us to.
No matter where you lean on the introvert/extrovert scale, Christ levels the playing field. Either way, we need to die to ourselves and our former identity along with it. The former slave becomes free in Him. The former free man becomes a slave in Him (1 Corinthians 7:22-23). Jesus paid for our ability to become new. He purchased our identity with His life. And when I answered His call I took on that identity in Him.
The world promotes self-awareness but God is in the business of humbling and decreasing men so He can be the increase. So we are less aware of ourselves and more aware of Christ in us. He rescues us from our own self. Oswald Chambers explains it this way:
“Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all… If we try to overcome our self-awareness through any of our own commonsense methods, we will only serve to strengthen our self-awareness tremendously. Jesus says, “Come to Me…and I will give you rest,” that is, Christ-awareness will take the place of self-awareness.”
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