#hes a fkn menace

[whumble-beeee]

A New Enemy Has Entered The Arena

The (Un)Official Guide to Hero-Keeping | Cont'd from Part 6

Content: disabled whumpee, trans whumpee, tied up/handcuffs, (brief) dissociation, noncon partial undressing, noncon touch, attempted noncon

* * * * * * * *

Except from: The (Un)Official Guide to Hero-Keeping; a self-help guide for villains and bounty-hunters Dr. Vaughn Verhulst

["Make them fear the wrath of god, then remind them the only god they should fear is you."]

* * * * * * * *

“So, this is the capture, huh?” The new voice drawled. Despite the exhaustion and the agony lacing throughout every part of his body, Stan's managed a look up at the new situation. Directly into a pair of steel blue eyes that made his breath stutter. “Not much to look at, huh?”

Stan scooted backward, but Deeby seemed to beat him to the same idea, stepping in front of the man and completely blocking him from view.

“There's no way you're the one doing the pickup. What are you doing here?”

The new man tried to side-step Deeby. “Don't worry, I'm not trying to interrupt your smooch-fest, just wanna make sure you aren't breaking our new toy–”

Deeby stepped in front of the man again, the man barely stopping short of crashing directly into him, just long enough for Stan to gather his scattered bearings and realize there was a new person here and all the distinct possibilities of what that meant for him.

And suddenly he felt lightheaded again.

“Dude…”

“What.” Deeby insisted slowly. “Are you doing here?”

This new guy… honestly, not much to look at himself, from what Stan saw. He couldn't have been too much older than Stan, fluffy light brown hair, an accent he couldn't quite place, but… probably European? He also wasn't wearing any sort of mask or anything to hide his face, which was only vaguely concerning, Stan decided to believe. Not to mention, this new guy had been wearing a knit sweater vest? It looked soft. Stan almost had to remind himself that the guy must be a threat, just like Deeby, or why would he even be here?

He just looked so corporate.

“I told you, checking on the capture, getting some intel. Making sure you didn't crap up the very simple plan, or kill him. It’s a real concern with you, I'm sure you understand.”

The man tried to side-step Deeby once again, and once again the mercenary blocked him. Stan started to scoot back away from the two, his ankle chain softly clanking as it dragged across the floor. Whatever was going on between them, he wanted no part of it.

“He's secure. And alive. Not fatally wounded, and will continue to stay that way.” Deeby stated. “You can leave now.”

Sweater-vest ventured an exaggerated glance over Deeby's shoulder, just barely giving Stan another view of his steel-colored eyes. Something about them made his heart skip a beat.

“You sure about that, big man? Kid doesn't seem to be doing so hot.

“Yup.” Deeby didn't even entertain a glance back. “Buh-bye now.”

Stan could practically hear the eye-roll that accompanied the groan that Sweater-vest let out. “Well excuse me for not trusting you as far as I can throw you. Look, I'm not just here to mess with you, I'm here on Lana's orders. She wants you to call her.”

Stan stopped scooting dead, an icy coldness surging through his chest, a sudden darkness swirling around his head. Lana. That sounded like a real name. Why was this man using real names? Deeby didn't use a real name, he was very dead set on that! Why was this new man using real names?! Real names were bad why was he using real names–?!

Deeby also stiffened at the name. He hand clenched for just a fraction of a second. Then he shook his head and brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Why didn't she just call me instead of sending your sorry ass to deliver the message?” Deeby finally seemed to settle on.

Sweater-vest's eyes flicked over Deeby, up and down, before an unnerving grin spread across his face. “I know something you don't know~” he sang slowly, like some sort of horror movie villain.

“You planning on telling me? Or you just gonna stand there like a skin-walker.” Deeby look just about ready to blow.

“Soon as I verify the little super lives up to our wildest hopes and dreams.”

“Y’know, technically we’re supposed to be on the same side.”

The man sidestepped Deeby one last time, and this time, the mercenary just let him pass by. Stan shrank back as the piercing gaze of Sweater-vest appraised him, looking him up and down as he slowly walked closer.

“A bit worse for wear, no?” Sweater-vest noted, almost to himself.

“Yeah, little shit tried to escape. Got pretty far too, he's stronger than I thought. Got me right–” Then he noticed Stan had backed up halfway across the room instead of stayingin place on the floor right behind him. And sighed. “Kinda a wuss though…”

“Die.” Stan growled, scowling at the mercenary even as he clutched his knees to his chest.

“Oooooh” Sweater-vest cooed, and Stan nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized how close the man had gotten to him. “Feisty little guy, huh?”

Stan kicked out at him and skittered back, only to realize he was almost out of room to skitter. So he reluctantly stood his ground. Well, sat his ground. “Get away from me!”

“He's mostly talk,” Deeby called again. “Mostly…”

Stan barely even registered what Deeby said. His vision completely tunneled on Sweater-vest as he slowly advanced on Stan, like a predator stalking its prey.

“Dang, Dick Biscuits, you really got a handle of him, don’t you?” Sweater-vest's eyes never once left Stan's. “Leashed and collared, like a little puppy dog… “

Stans cheeks turned a bright red. He glared at the man as hard as he could, jaw clenched so hard it could have broken, because honestly, how dare he?!

Deeby sighed, like he'd rather be anywhere but where he was now. Stan could relate.

“Yeah… It's necessary.”

“Oh, I agree wholeheartedly.”

The man crouched directly in front of the trembling Stan. “Hi,” he said softly, disarmingly, giving Stan just the slightest tilt of the head. “My name's Vaughn, its–”

“Christ man, would you cut it out with the names!” Deeby yelled, causing the both of the smaller men to jump as he marched over. Stan reflexively curled up into a little ball, gut swirling with a new and terrifying form of dread and suddenly very aware of his restraints once more, while Sweater-vest–... Vaughn… sprung up to face down Deeby.

As much as Stan was absolutely terrified of Deeby, he had to admit he agreed with the bounty hunter on this one. The way Sweater-vest threw out names like that felt… Dangerous. On a visceral level. He hugged his legs closer to his chest.

“Why?” Sweater-vest taunted. “It's not like he's gonna live to tell anyone.”

“Nothing's ever 100% with these things,” he growled. “Unless you want to get fifty to life here as well. You'd be doing me a huge favor, honestly, and bring Lana down with you while you’re at it. But leave me out of it.”

Sweater-vest hummed, considering. Glanced Deeby up and down. Then scoffed. “Don't you have an important phone call to get to, Deeby? I’d hate to have to tell Lana that her least favorite ex disobeyed her direct orders and needs to be dealt with.”

The mercenary stared down Sweater-vest. The intensity of it almost entranced Stan, it seemed to go on for an eternity. Then, finally, Deeby let out a small grunt, and took a slow, deep breath.

“Stan!” he yelled. Stan nearly yelped. “If he tries anything, kill him, he deserves it. And you.” he turned his attention right back to Sweater-vest before Stan could stutter out some sort of question or affirmation. “Don't fuck with him.”

“Aw, so protective, falling in love already?”

“I'll be back in a few, don't try anything!” He yelled as he made his way toward the door. Then, only slightly under his breath, “Pinche pendejo.”

The smile on Sweater-vest's face immediately dropped and he whirled around.

“Krijg de tering, vuile teringleier!”

The door slammed shut, the crack of metal against metal deafening in the sudden silence. And they were alone. Together.

Stan stared at the floor and clenched his fists, trying to calm his racing nerves. Did his best to keep his breathing even. Be still, not show weakness while also not challenging the man he was now alone with. He never thought he would ever actually miss Deeby's presence. But here they were.

“Brute.” Sweater-vest seethed under his breath as he sauntered back over to Stan. “Should've just put him out of his misery years ago, swear to God.”

Then his demeanor completely shifted once more as he stood over Stan. More professional, more cold, more demanding.

“Anyway, stand up, let me get a look at you.”

“Are you ‘The Guy?’” Stan blurted out before he had time to even realize he was doing it. Anything to break the sudden unbearable tension.

Sweater-vest tilted his head with a raised eyebrow and a small laugh. “The Guy?”

“Yeah…” Wow, suddenly he wished he never said anything. “The uh, the guy. You know the guy…” Stan's voice wavered as the man scrunch his nose at him. As if Stan was speaking an entirely different language. “Like. Like the guy. The guy who, uh, who…”

He took a deep breath, and blurted out “The boss guy who had me kidnapped!”

A brief pause. The man stared at him.

“No,” he snorted. “No, I'm not ‘the guy’, as you so eloquently put it. And your ‘guy’ is actually a lady, the lovely Ms. Lana who I mentioned earlier. And I'm Dr. Vaughn Verhulst, you can call me Vaughn. Pleasure to meet you.”

Stan shrank into himself slightly. “Oh…”

Again with the names. They made his skin crawl, like tiny ants crawling up and down his arms. The full name this time too, Dr. Verhulst. And Lana. Where had he heard that name before? Lana...

Stan didn't have time to ponder the question, though, as the man surged forward and reached down toward Stan's vulnerable neck, and Stan screeched and jolted back trying to get away.

But the man was surprisingly fast for a guy who could be mistaken for an office drone.

“Alright now, stand up.”

Then suddenly Stan was choking as the two fingers looped under his collar and dragged him upward, squeezing Stan's windpipe fully shut with Stan gasping and clutching at the collar trying to free himself and allow his body the sweet air it so desperately begged for the whole short distance up. And when he was finally standing and the collar loosened just slightly, Stan coughed and wheezed and tried to double over on himself to lessen the pain, if only the man wasn't still holding him straight up by the collar. He finally managed to get his own fingers under the collar just enough to pull it away from flush against his throat, his body shifting from world-shaking coughs and gasps for air to shuddering wheezes and shivers, and only then did he realize that Vaughn’s other hand wasn't just sitting idly by. No, instead it settled on his arms and ribcage, pressing into the tender bruised flesh that marred his entire body.

He felt a sudden sharp pain at his side and twitched away from it, only for a steadying hand to fall on straight onto another bruise on his waist and press in, clutch at it, holding him in place and sending jolts throughout his entire body that made him dizzy. All the breath left his body. He froze.

“What– What're you–?... Stop, let go…” It felt almost taboo to break the sudden stillness. He tried to pull away, but the grip on his collar just tightened, knuckles pressing harder into his neck as Sweater-vest continued to press into his side.

“Shhhhhh, dropje. Just let me do my work.”

“Your work?...” The hand pressed into his broken rib, and Stan yelped out and shoved the offending hand away from the tender area.

“STOP! Stop touching me! Stop!” Stan cried. This was too much. What was even happening here?

Vaughn's dark gaze fixed on the place that had made Stan cry out, calculating, jaw set. Stan withdrew into himself sightly before he remembered himself, and stared defiantly right back. Then the gaze drifted slightly lower, softening with an almost mischievous smile and a low hum before he finally, finally, looked Stan square in the eyes.

“Take your shirt off.”

Stan's heart turned to ice.

“WHAT?! No! You’re insane!”

Stan managed to rip free of his grip and launch backwards, only for his back to slam directly into the wall. Damn it. He saw stars, and the world rocked around him.

He pressed into it regardless, held his cuffed hands up in front of his torso as some sort of measly defense. “Get– Get away from me! I'm not taking my shirt off! You're crazy, get away!”

He scowled, then reached into his pocket with a deep sigh. A glint of steel gleamed in the light as Vaughn pull out a pair of very sharp-looking scissors and waved them lazily at Stan's chest.

“You are.” Sweater-vest stated simply. “I'm a doctor, dropje, I have to take a look at your body, make sure that ass didn't leave any lasting damage. You worry too much.”

Sweater-vest suddenly went to reach around his arms and get at the top button of his shirt, and Stan slapped them away, earning himself a glare from the man as he stepped closer once more and boxed him in completely.

“Stan… Schatje…” he spoke lowly, voice sickeningly sweet. The scissors drifted so close to his throat. “I'm going to make this so simple for you, yeah? I'm cutting your shirt off now. If you make things difficult, then your shirt won't be the only thing cut, got it?”

Stan squeezed his eyes shut and tried to become so small. Small enough that the threat wouldn't see him anymore and he could run away and never have to deal with it again. This was insane. This was insane, right? This guy was insane!

“No, no, no, no, no, don't, get away from me, get away from me.” He tried to inject as much hissing venom as possible into the words, but they still didn't come out much above a squeaking, shaky whisper.

Vaughn reached for his top button, and though Stan pressed into the wall as much as he could, arms up and ready to strike at any moment, this time his fingers weren't stopped from undoing the top button. Then continuing down from there. Then he gently grabbed Stan's wrists and moved them downward and continued unfastening, all the way down until the front of his shirt was completely open, the cool air giving Stan goosebumps.

“Oh.” Vaughn said, almost to himself, running his finger over the strap of Stan's chest binder. “I didn't realize you were transgender, Stan.”

The swirling mass of thoughts in Stan’s head finally meet the one overwhelming his gut and crashing down upon him, breaking the fragile spell keeping him paralyzed.

“DEEBY! HELP!!” Stan cried out, loud as he possibly could. As if Deeby would ever help him. As if he would save him. All Stan knew was that in that very moment, he would prefer the physically abusive mercenary a hundred times over this guy, the guy who looked at him like a lion at an antelope, the man who feigned kindness, whose smile seemed just a bit too perfect, who made weird cryptic comments and who threw names around as if it didn't matter whether or not Stan knew them. As if Stan would never live to escape. As if the horrors Stan would endure were cursed to echo the walls in which they occurred, never to be heard by another soul.

“Oh calm down, Stanny, he's not going to come save you.” Vaughn dismissed, quickly pulling down the sleeve of his shirt and cutting it open down the seam, the quick repetitive snip snip snip of the scissors filling the room completely. Stan's weak attempts to slap away the scissors or otherwise stop his disrobing were all but brushed off by the ‘doctor.’ A quick but very intentional blade to the neck was all he needed to freeze Stan up and allow him to continue.

Very soon, Vaughn had the shredded fabric that used to make up Stan's shirt sprawled across the floor at their feet. Stan didn't even feel the coolness of the room goosebumping his skin anymore, not with the burning red in his cheeks and the again wandering hands of Sweater-vest to keep him unbearably warm.

He could scarcely breathe. His brain started to feel farther and farther away from his body. His hair was standing on end, shivers running throughout his entire body making him twitch. And he wondered if he should even put in the effort to ground himself. Maybe it would be easier if he was far, far away for all of this anyway.

“It's not like I care, Stan. It doesn't matter to me. I'll even let you keep your chest binder thing on, if that’d make you more comfortable... Hey.”

He snapped a few times in front of Stan's eyes, and Stan despairingly snapped back to reality. So close too. Just for Sweater-vest to smile his weird creepy smile at him. There was no way to misconstrue the malicious gleam in his eyes, the one that made Stan's own eyes go wide and his breath halt entirely as he stared into them. His other hand was on Stan's back now. He was practically holding Stan in a facsimile of a hug. Pressing in his lower back. Lower. Just a bit too low for comfort.

“I'm serious, I can work with that,” he reassured, hand now dipping under Stan's waistband, and before Stan could react, he pulled the captive in close to him, pressing his pelvis securely into Stan's lower stomach while brushing to closed blades of the scissors along Stan's jawline and up his cheek. “It's not what I was expecting, but it doesn't change what I'm going to do to you.”

And that's when Stan pulled back and punched him square in the jaw.

* * * * * * * *

Next

Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy | @pirefyrelight | @cakeinthevoid

[seraphicalsuccubus]

guys he’s so fucking cute and snuggly and he turns 2 months old next Monday on my birthday and I just love him so much already, def the absolute best early birthday present I could’ve gotten myself like oh my goshhhhh 😭😭😭

[mccallhero]

favourite ouat scenes: 29/?

[dizzybizz]

YOU THERE, SQUIRE! YOU SAID TO SEND ART REQUESTS! may i perhaps humbly ask for an Ollie...or a Prince Leon bc he's one of my favorite side characters..

i love this boy so much

[pinkniz]

Baby having a wittle snack a little nom nom💕

[tuturuue]

i can't believe Jeff just-

decided to film an MV WHILE attending the Valentino fashion show, in the middle of his crazy schedule which included flying back and forth around the globe and filming/practicing for call me by fire????

BOY DO YOU REST

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Kim and Chay Accidentally Develop A Pony-Play Fetish

So I saw this post:

And I thought to myself, you know what would be really funny?

Chay is the first one. Kim goes okay. I'm willing to work with this. A warning would have been nice. But he's going to power through any awkwardness, swallow his giggles, and ride his ass. And Kim gets into it. Not like, personally, but he's going to make damn fucking sure his boy is satisfied.

Kim is saying some dumb pony-play shit trying to play into what he thinks is Chay's suddenly-revealed fetish, grabs his hair and tells him to neigh, or says he's gonna break him in like the wild stallion he is.

Chay thinks Kim is the freak.

They're both like Okay, This Is A Bit Weird, But If You're Into It.

They're both very supportive boyfriends. Goals, honestly. One drops a buckwild (haha) fetish in the middle of sex? Fuck it! Guess we're doing that, now!

Afterwards goes something like this:

Chay: so you know how we talked about discussing kinks before, like, doing them? Kim, judging him: oh so now you remember? Chay: EXCUSE YOU??? Kim: ME??? Chay: you're the one that started the pony play!! Kim: You said you were a horse!?!?!

Once they figure out the misunderstanding they're going to die. Rolling on the floor laughing, can't breathe, haven't even put their clothes back on yet. Chay is wheezing.

Chay: you told me to neigh! Kim: and you did!!

Kim committed to the bit (haha) so hard. No hesitation. He just fkn went with it. If Absolutely nothing else, that man is RIDE or die.

But then it gets better. This could easily be a one-time occurrence. Something to laugh at later. But then they get kinky another time, Kim brings out a riding crop, and Chay just. Loses it. Then Kim loses it. He can't even defend himself! He's laughing to much to remind Chay that they already owned the damn thing, and he wasn't thinking of That Incident at all!! It takes him at least half an hour to clam down enough to even try fucking, and they're still giggling the whole time.

After that, one of them buys a gag that looks like a bit. Once again, on the floor cry-laughing for at least ten minutes. (But actually it's so much more comfortable than a ball-gag, may as well use it!)

One night Kim is tying Chay up and Chay goes, "Are you gonna lasso me?" grinning like a menace, then honest to god knickers. He's been practicing. He's going to kill Kim.

All that to say- they eventually, accidentally, end up with a full kit of tack, complete with Kim in this outfit:

thank you @snickerdoodlles for not immediately blocking me when I started this nonsense 🤣💛

[cokowiii]

As someone who used to work in childcare, I'm gonna fucking fight whoever said "he doesn't raise a hand to help", they clearly have not had to heard a group of kids before. When left to their own devices, even the most well behaved children will start causing problems. They can break things, they can go places they're not supposed to go, they tend to get in the way and bother every adult in the vicinity. Yuichi is fucking saving your ass from a child getting in the way of your "important work", fuck right off with that shit, "person who heards the children" is such an important role in large scale groups, I'm gonna stab somebody

YES!

Childcare is so fkn hard. I did it for a year and god damn kids are menaces even when they don't try to be sometimes.

Ya'll went feral over that doodle lol

[kusaka6e]

BOYS IN THE BAND

(mha ver) | aot ver | fairy tail ver

band!au

various mha x fem!reader

headcannons about mha characters as hot band member boyfriends <3

sfw

————

bakugou, the drummer

we all know this mf is a menace with a pair of drumsticks in his hand

i think people were so surprised that he got a gf and he hates it LMAOOOO

so many ‘bakugou’s angry ass isn’t single but i am??’ tweets

you were the first person he met that didn’t complain about his abrasive personality and instead you just matched his sarcasm

and just like that he was in love

he is the only person allowed to bully you, if anyone else so much as tries he’s ready to go to jail for what he’d do to them (like the night you had to bail him out because he knocked a reporter out cold during a press conference for speaking negatively about you)

has your initials on his drumsticks for good luck <3

he keeps a separate section on the tour bus for your clothes/supplies for when you’re able to travel with him (he threw kaminari across the bus when denki accidentally used your blanket and now they’re all too scared to touch the drawer)

the boys always joke and say they need you around 24/7 so bakugou will stop yelling

he’s still sarcastic and mean as hell when you’re around but he almost never raises his voice or gets physical, he’s too busy keeping both his hands all over you

he’s super protective of you and has no problem showing anyone and everyone that you’re all his; normally keeps a hand in your back pocket or an arm around you when you two are out in public

he doesn’t sleep too well without you, so when the rest of the band walked onto the tour bus and saw you two cuddled up and KNOCKED out, the pictures they took circulated the internet for months

he’s the epitome of scary dog privilege <33

i like to think he hired kirishima to be security for you when he can’t be with you in person

izuku, the guitarist

he makes you watch shows from backstage so he can’t see you, if he can see you watching him perform he gets the worst stage fright LMFAOOO

sometimes he doesn’t play with a guitar pick on purpose so he can ask you to bandage up the little cuts on his hands from his guitar strings

everyone always knows what color your nails are at any given moment because he always paints his pinkies to match

i think he’d be good at a lot of instruments but guitar is just what he plays for the band; sometimes he’ll come on stage before the actual set with a fkn clarinet or some shit and everyone is like ??? bc he’s still SO GOOD at it

around your birthday, he’ll bring a couple empty cards with him to shows and have fans sign them for you to make sure you get lots of love and appreciation on your special day <3

he gets exhausted staying so positive and upbeat for the sake of his fan base, so ranting/shit talking with you is absolutely one of his favorite pastimes

and it’s SO FUNNY every time oh my god

he has the smartest mouth on the planet like sir where are you keeping all this sass ???

i think it’s easy to forget just how unhinged izuku is so hearing some of the stuff he says about people that get on his nerves never gets old LMFAOOO

bakugou is definitely you two’s gremlin child

he’s typically very nice and personable when you two are out in public and get approached by fans/paparazzi, but he is SO quick to snap on anybody who so much as looks at you the wrong way

todoroki, the bassist

this dense mf

it took him FOREVER to realize that he had feelings for you, and even LONGER to realize you reciprocated those feelings

he was getting so many tweets every day of people telling him to confess to you and he accidentally aired his feelings out for all his fans to see LMFAOOO

you literally had to facetime him like “shoto ??? did your phone get hacked or is this you??”

90% of the fan base stopped trying to hit on him and they all started yelling at him to confess his very obvious crush (and bakugou’s nosy ass was definitely in all their mentions encouraging the chaos)

he really enjoys teaching you how to play the bass, gets so giddy and proud seeing you play :(

his favorite is to sit with you between his legs so he can wrap his arms around you while he shows you which strings to play

100% uses his status to take you on super exclusive dates (shoto is a material girl)

but not in a way that’s like condescending to anyone especially the staff for the places you guys visit

sometimes you’re like “shoto how much did it cost for all this??” or soemthing and he’s like “i’ll get the money back, i just want you to enjoy yourself” <33

sometimes you and the rest of the boys have to practice interviews with him because his blunt ass mouth has gotten him bad press a few times LMFAOOOO

kaminari, the lead singer

he acts like YOU’RE the celebrity in you two’s relationship and it’s the cutest thing

like one time someone interviewing him asked how he felt about all the female attention he was getting and he goes “im getting attention from the hottest girl on the planet, that’s all i care about. have you seen (y/n)?” literally so adorable

he brings you up in every conversation without even realizing it

if you can’t make it to a show he’s talking to all the camera’s on him knowing you’ll see them after the show

“(y/n), baby, when you see this i want you to know this one’s for you, i love you!!”

he’ll jokingly fuss at the boys between songs and be all “can you guys get your shit together? my girl is watching, don’t embarrass me in front of her.”

forces the rest of his band mates to learn your favorite songs so they can surprise you by covering them

has definitely name dropped you in a song named a song after you

you are the only person he’ll let pick out the mics he uses on stage

if you’re artistic he’ll ask you to paint/decorate his mic stand <33

definitely has worn some goofy ass onesie on stage and then brought you out on stage in a matching one to serenade you

bought you a switch so you two can build a minecraft world together even when he’s on the road

[sukea69]

A small selection of things I crave to write:

- madarashare. Where hashirama and tobirama time-share madara

- hashiizu menace the village. They're both dramatic and horny and willing to make this everyones problem

- tobirama pov of hashimada

- hashimada dancing

- hashirama healing madara and/or izuna

- hashirama environment study

- hashirama trying his very very hardest to hook madara and tobirama up. It does not work and in fact makes everyone except for hashirama and Izuna miserable

- madara and tobirama worlds most hostile friendship

- madatobi is a thing and they're not like keeping it secret or anything but everyone just Assumes that madara is cheating in hashirama or smth bc he and hashirama are so fkn love dovey but then madara goes on dates w tobirama, what is real?? And THEN there's MITO (madatobi, hashimito, hashi&madara friendship)

- HASHIRAMA AND MADARA BEST FRIENDS NO ROMO

- hashimadamito where hashirama and mito take madara's virginity

- madara and mito epistolary

- hashimada lesbians

- hashimito lesbians

- hashiizu degradation and size kink ♥

- hashimada breathplay

[ratsoh-writes]

How's this, hoe 😘

Personality traits:

• i am gonny, hear me roar

• mama: am mom, and all are baby

• wifey: you will be relentlessly wifed

• chef: 20 shots of pasta straight up the ass

• sexy: I am sexy. You are sexy. All is sexy

• manager: family manager, home manager

• bossy: no no, we have to do it this way

• red soul: i see it, i like it, i want it, i got it

• love lang: physical touch, quality time

Dealbreakers / Pet Peeves:

• incompetence: do your tasks well, without me telling you to, and without me having to teach you the little things

• childishness: i need a grown ass skele

• stress: keep the distribution of labor equal

• child-free: little too late for that, daddio

• unclean: wash your god damn asshole

• overworking: prioritize me and bbs

• little bitch: let me bite you

Attractive Traits:

• i like the old, ugly, rugged, scary, grumps

• strength 💪 bench me

• general dad energy, dad bod

• the more skills, the hotter

• men trying to impress you by showing off their skills is foreplay

• wisdom, experience, accomplishments oh my

Hobbies:

• old lady: knit, paint, photo albums, read

• wine mom: wine helps me drink

• baby mama: bring me my baby

• geek: media consumption?

• menace: i will bug you, then bite you

• princess: sing and dance everywhere

Favorite Items:

• baby

• phone

• my own breasts

• soup

• perfume

• gnome

Shdhdhdh so I had three main traits to look for in your matchup: competent, likes kids, and horny. And then when finding those three traits, I had to pick one who wouldn’t self combust after a week with you. After much trial and error I match you with…… NOIR- just kidding! I match you with LUSH!! Lush is lustfell sans, and just the rugged dreamboat for you!

You like strength and accomplishments? How about starting a couple dozen businesses through loans, making absolute bank, and being a boxing champ work for you? Lush is a very successful monster in many ways~

Lush does want kids someday, and while his job normally keeps him quite busy, he’s more than prepared to hire someone to take over much of it so he can focus on the family once kids are in the picture. Lush is a duty bound monster, and his first line of responsibility is is SO and family. It would take a while for any step kids to get used to him though, since he is a scary guy at first glance

While his decoration style isn’t bad at all, it definitely clashes with yours. However he’s fkn rich and doesn’t care that much as long as the home looks put together, so you get free reign pretty quick. However rich people are weird, and currently he’s trying to convince you that having a guard-chimera is just the accessory that the home needs lol.

He can’t sing. But he’ll sing if you sing. So if you value your virgin ear holes, don’t sing around him. If you don’t value them though, have fun making dying cat noises with him. At least until pepper or your kids yell at you both to shut up

[boxwinebaddie]

do u think we can get hear more (anything) abt jersey kyle drunk off his ass with sober raven??? because i just KNOOOWWW stanley would have a heart attack (in a good way LOL)

oh, you BETCHA, my darling! ;) partially because this is literally my favorite fkn conversation topic ( white boy wasted jersey is my hero ) but also because he is SOOOO chatty when he is drunk, so you Will be hearing it, my friends! that's for damn sure! ( you and all of NYC! )

but omg, i loooove drunk jersey, because, as we know, regular sober jersey is Scary As Fuck and So Mean >:( jersey is cold, no nonsense & if he IS talking to you, he's talking DOWN to you, completely verbally eviscerating you and is making you wish you were never born. ( fun! )

Buuuuut...

/speaking/ of Fun...

druuunk jersey is SO Fun! ;) He's Also Sooo Nice <3 he smiles so much and is SO CutE!!!! AAA!! MY SON! ilysm & like...Okay so he Does need to be babysat bc hes heeelllaaa sloppy smh, but hes mostly just super giggly n ~wiggly~, will talk to you for Hours, gas u up, laugh at EVERYTHING You Say ( hes like a tall male ginger grad student version of those drunk girls in the bathroom who are like fuck him baby!!! he doesn't deserve u!! you're gorgeous! dump his ass! xx )

aaaaaaand...if you're Lucky...

HE WILL TELL YOU SECRETS <3 ;)

( and yes, they are usually about a certain lead singer of a band with messy bleach blonde curtain bangs and...a cute lil Freckle by his eye )

but tldr; 99% of the time, jersey kyle is frightening and a locked box.

hes vicious, surreptitious, calculating & cruel but drunk kyle is a loose fkn canon. HE IS ALSO VERY FORWARD AND VEERRRY HANDSY!!!! he Will flirt with you and by you i mean ravenstan and by flirt i mean...

HIT ON RELENTLESSLY.

AND I DO MEAN!!!!

R-E-L-E-N-T-L-E-S-S-L-Y.

its soo shdsk...& yes he does have a Heart Attack anytime it happens.

actually, in regards to this specific situation, there is a Upcoming part of rm ( *SomeTime* i'm not saying When, you nosy nellies! ) w/ Wine Drunk Off His Fine Ass Jersey Kyle and Rare Sober Ravenstan in it thats soooooooo...i'm gonna give you a lil dialogue right here.

( i'm sorry so much of this is out of pocket, drunk!jersey is So Much, sorry in advance for being cringe and ravesey max security prison )

please note: the occasion is a party ( rager lmao ) being thrown at the crimson dawn manwhoresion. jersey is a solid Ten & dressed to the nines as per usje, lookin FINE in a pair of perfectly pressed black power suit slacks -- you will never catch my man lacking -- matching black turtle neck, the iconic gold sun moon-glasses chain on the chanel shades w/ his long ginger hair beautifully cascadin in waves down v statuesque shoulders idk he looks like a sexy bond villain...

wHICH MAKES SENSE BC HES BEING A /MENACE/ AND SwAyInG SOOO MUCH BC HES *BARELY* HOLDING HIS LIQUOR IN A SICK ORNATE CRYSTAL WINE GLASS SHAPED LIKE A SKULL THAT HAS SUPER FANCY, MINDBLOWINGLY EXPRENSIVE DRY AGED IMPORTED VERSAILLE CHARDONNAY SLOSHIN AROUND IN IT

( ALSO ITS IS LIKE HIS 3RD/4TH GLASS -- GOD HELP US ALL )

SO BASICALLY, HES SIPPIN, SLIPPING, TRIPPING, HIS FACE IS REDDER THAN THE WINE, THE LINE IS BLURRING, HIS WORDS ARE SLURRING AND MOST IMPORTANT, OUR MANZ JERSEY KYLE IS WHITE BOY WAAASTED & LOOKING FOR ( you guessed it )

RAVEN STAN ;)

[ who kyle does NOT know is His Stan, but does know is not Actually asshole lead singer / tmz bad boy raven of crimson dawn but is really soft...and sweet...and lovely and an actual angel aka...His Raven <3 ]

who he finds off to the side, looking very Surprised to see him and far less posh/polished than everyone else, running in a gardening apron, humming under his breath & watering his plants like a good plant dad

( i love him so much, he's so cute, also kyle is down HORRENDOUS )

ANYWAYS! *director vc* ROLL CLIP!

HDKLHSLKDSHDKSLDKDS

THE FUCKING GRINGO ASS NEW JERSEY SLAUGHTER HOUSE BUTCHERED ASF BLACKOUT DRUNK hOOOLLA CUERVO ;))))

im kshdlsad stan is shook but so amused help ALSO THE WAY STAN TRIED TO DEFAULT INTO DOING THE RAVEN VOICE AND KYLE IMMEDIATELY SAID HELL NO NICE TRY BITCH!! -cue the iconic awkward embarrassed too high stan laugh, his lil wave, gentle shyboy smile, nervous lip bite Hi Kyle c': combo- n jersey bein like Mmm <3

yOUR HONOR!!!! THEY ARE IN LOVE I AM SCREAMING!!!! MY BOYS

uhhhh after that...i will say that kyle does end up in ravenstans very comfortable Lap for a second there ( listen Not In A Hot Way...i mean...like it is for jersey and actually it is...Also for ravenstan bc hes blushing, but it was BC kyle was slippin and sliding!! he almost Fell! )

in love....in Hate...anyways...

cue kyle asking Is This Seat Taken >;) and raven like u-um! well now it is, Aha! -sweats- but theres a Chair over there i could g-get it for yo-- and kyles like but im comfy :'( Can I Stay? w the pouty eyelash flutter and ravenstan is like Heeeavy Breathing, basically having a heart and asthma attack like you...can do...Literally Whatever You Want ( smh )

this absolutely thrills jersey kyle who winks at him and is like Thaaaaank You Pretty Boy <3 gazing up at him and giggglin going mmm pretty pretty preeettty boy you are so Pretty wow! like messing with hair and his shirt and stuff omg stan is dYiNG!! and hes trying to be responsible not get rizzed ( its not working rip bc kyle is straddling him and touching him like Everywhere, heeelp like go 2 Jail jersey!!! )

and flustered raven is like th-thank you! but i bet you tell...tell that to all the boys whos laps ur s-sitting in...aHaha..whew! but, uh, ky-kyle you, should, uh? really drink some, uh, s-some Water-- and kyle just interrupts him, runs his finger over stans cheeks and nose, which is brightly and imcrimnatingly crimson dawn red smh smirking like

and you look Particularly Pretty When You Blush, yknow that, raven of crimson dawn? which...whysss that, huh? whats wrong, rockstar boy? *leans up to whisper in ear ommffffg* Am I Makin' You Nervous? ;)

LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAA!!!!! KYLE WILL YOU CHILL OUT!!!!! UR LITERALLY KILLING HIM! AND HE KNOWS IT TOO PLs

genuinely evil bc sober!raven is not built for social interactions ( even less for displaying dominance in any situation smh Especially Involving Kyle ) so he is like literally about to throw up from stress i'm not even JOKIN so he's like -voice crack- A LiTtlE hahA--Woah New Jersey, w-what are you-- bc kyle is like freakin tr...acing... ravenstans hip tattoos like ooh these are cute ;) How Far Down Do They Go? like TO HELL KYLE!!! GO STRAIGHT TO HELL OH MY GODDDDDDDD

anyways :) so fun :) we have That to look forward to :) ravenstans second funeral lmao...please pray for him, he's gonna need it xx

listen, i'm just gonna say it, like i do not care how unhinged and out of pocket stan is on stage as raven because he is doing it for money/bc he literally has to and also on like 1/5 of vodka...JERSEY ON LIKE 2/3 GLASSES OF WINE IS TEN THOUSAND TIMES WORSE AND HES DOING IT FOR FREE AND FOR FUN!!!! A MENACE!!! HES SO MESSY

like oh my god like sometime after the fic when theyre Hating, i feel like at this point ravenstan gets a lot of his creative control back over crimson dawn but with that is like...a lot of Responsibility so hes p stressed 25/8, he has a lot of paperwork ( rip my dyslexic king ), hes trying to stop drinking and he has to go to a lot of these influencer and executive events which he had to go to Before That but its different bc hes making a name for Himself and not for Raven...

ugh, okay, i love post rm!stan so much, so i'm getting side tracked, but the point was, all of c.d. has to go and kyle and blondies co. usually come bc bebe is not missing her celeb moment are u kidding, tweek is happy to miss work, craig wants to kiss tweek and kyle want to kiss You Know Who...is being massively swarmed by people trying to talk to him...also pls note that kyles been throwing back those little champagne flutes like all night long ( also recovered ed!jersey does like those little appetizers they bring you on platters bc Fancy )

so like halfway through the event/party, Every Time With Out Fail ( jersey is a straight A student; he never fails xx ) hes suuuper tipsy and bored asf...and what is more fun...then another imfamous round of

Be The Super Worst & Fluster The Fuck Out of Your Super Best BF?

yes its hating!styles favorite game n drunk kyle is...Scary Good At It!

so he 100% comes up behind ravenstan having a Mocktail! whisperin

actual tipsy menace jersey kyle: heeeeey sexy, nice legs, what time do they open *slips hand into stans pocket smhhhh*

super stressed out already flustered ravenstan, hissing over shoulder: yérsey, póratate bien. ( HEEEEEE LP )

kyle, who is listening, but Naught Listening & fucking w/ his collar: stan, i know that was supposed to be scary, but you know it makes me Hot when you--

( when i tell u this happens Regularly...smh...nasty boy behavior! )

stan, trying to be stern, actually dying: KYLE. *stress intensifies*

kyle being SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND SMUG: my Name sounds pretty good in your mouth, marsh. Wanna Try Something Else Ou--

raven, about to start screaming: kYLE BE!HAVE! i have STUFF to Do!

jersey, literally flicking the gigantic cross earring like a cat, tracing the side of kyles face tRYING TO KISS HIS NECK!!! GO TO HELL KYLE!:

So Do I ;)

kyle, Not Done Yet: and i aaaaam behaving if i was Not behaving my hand would be Down your Pants, which...there's still time for that. btw have i told you how good you look in those pants? ;)))))) ( jail ) you should model them for me, celebrity boy. theres a coat closet~ five minutes. these stiffs wont miss you but iiiiii do. <3 so whaddaya say? actually You don't have to say anything! just sit there and look pretty <3333 you're good at that. pluuuus, i can do that thing you like with my to-

JAAAAAAAAAAAAIL!!!! FOUL!!!!! IM SCREAMINg

LIKE NOT THE THING!!! NOT THE COAT CLOSET OH MY GOD...

But Sigh...

Yes The Coat Closet, I'm Afraid.

( it was not 5 minutes btw...also...all those coats need to be washed )

no standards. smh. nasties. enjoy jail. And Hell.

-uncle nina, ceo of drunk!jersey!kyle and horny boy maximum security prison *sprays drunk kyle w the Holy Water Bottle*

[scp-113]

nobody asked but I have lightyear zurg thoughts

under read more because SPOILERS

that can't be zurg right?

alt timeline buzz straight up said he wasn't the one who built that ship or any of the robots. he stole it and modified it. "i guess 'buzz' is hard to say so they just call me zurg" that makes no gotdamn sense. no. and the way he utilized the other robots felt like someone who just knew which buttons to press to get them to do stuff. someone built those robots and knows how to command them. where is zurg? the zurg we saw in lightyear couldn't have been him. and I'm crossing my fingers so fkn hard that the last scene in the credits wasn't buzz surviving but the Real zurg taking his shit back. and that zurg is gonna have a vendetta against og timeline buzz in the second movie. if there's a second movie. I need a second movie. I'm having a crisis. I need to see zurg wreck shit. I need to see him actually be menacing. alt timeline buzz was pretty good but not quite there

[violentviolette]

Dear Jack Tell us about cool weird things you like :)

anon u are a gift unto my night. i dont know if this qualifies as weird or cool but allow me to show u my collection of rubber ducks. because thats a normal sentance to say to someone

this is my jar of ducks, it houses most of the ducks ive gathered in the years including an exclusive black axe body wash devil duck. he is my son. then those three are my tiniest ducks, the one on the right is actually a rubber erasor

these three live out in my room because they're extra special. the pink duck i won in a crane game when ryo and i went to coney and spent the afternoon being goth menaces at the boardwalk. we won so many little guys we could barely carry them home the middle one is a werewolf duck that will got me for christmas and he's so huge. easily twice the size of all my other ducks. love him. the one on the right is a winnie the pooh duck that shine sent me in a friend-mail package. which is extra special cause i also fkn love winnie the pooh

[andysorbit]

PLSSSSSSS BRO “once he's had you, he can't get enough of you” SO TRUE! *cue the 15 boners he pops per day because once jisungs V-card has been taken he becomes a menace*

LETS FUCKING GO BECAUSE IM FERAL AND STILL RECOVERING FROM HIS FKN VOCALS!!

he would be so respectfully nasty and the second you give him the greenlight, he'd be all over you whenever he can

[echthr0s]

just some fun notes about Anansi since most of y'all weren't around for the DAblogging years

he's a necrodancer! Dayir is Yuna-coded and Anansi is reverse-Yuna-coded (dances to bring them back instead of dancing to send them off).

he's [part-]Chasind and knew Morrigan when they were children but then the Chantry got a hold of him and he's been a menace to Circle society ever since

(the other part of his ethnicity is Rivaini. culturally he considers himself Chasind, since the Wilds are where he lived)

his magical affinity is earth-based but in a roots-and-rot way <3

relatedly, he cannot keep plants alive. if Alistair's rose hadn't been magically preserved that shit would have been dust as soon as it touched his hand lmao

he fucked that old man (Uldred. Duncan. Loghain. Seneschal Varel. Orsino. Solas lmao)

he fucked that weird creature (Urthemiel. the Architect. Fade spirits. Corypheus, who really fucking needed it)

his spirit companion is called Clarity. he also has a staff with a Fade spirit in it. Anansi is how Anders and Justice found equilibrium

he's a creation of the dragon god Razikale, which has functioned as the perfect handwave for all the anime ass shit he's able to do

like the fact that he cured himself of the Blight. or the fact that he functionally cured Thedas of Blights in general

he was First Enchanter of the Fereldan Circle for a while but this was incredibly boring to him and so he went to the Conclave primarily as a way to do something interesting (meet up with Morrigan and do some Shenanigans). little did he fkn know

he shot down the "Herald of Andraste" business very quickly -- Andraste was a nice gal and all but his authority comes from... elsewhere -- but this had a rebound effect where people started deifying him. the cult got so out of hand that the Chantry did the ultimately STUPID thing of Exalted Marching during what was obviously pivotal world-breaking moment in Thedas's history and basically signed its own death warrant. <3

considering all of the above, you can probably guess Tevinter is obsessed with him. meanwhile, he thinks Tevinter is cringey as fuck