#hes not stupid or anything but being incredibly sheltered will do that to you

[hesbianyaoi]

when people draw atsushi with a phone they always give him an iphone or just a phone with a touchscreen and it hurts my heart so much. we have to stop ignoring his little flip phone. he doesn't need social media either we have to keep him as chronically offline as possible. atsushi doesn't know what discourse is. if you showed him a meme he'd stare at it for a bit and go "i don't get it" while handing the phone back to you. when he sat in front of an agency laptop for the first time he holds his head in his hands because he doesn't know what the hell to do

[i-write-sin-not-tragedy]

do you think Charlie could become smarter or more mature as the series continues?

I think she's plenty smart!! She's an incredibly intelligent person. She just wants to see the best in everyone, for better or worse.

Like i think people a little too often equate having a big forgiving heart with being "childish" or "immature." Charlie is sweet and kindhearted and wants to give everyone a chance, but she's by no means stupid.

Sorry to go off about episode 4 again, skkdkd, but it's the best example i have of what i mean- We saw her with Val. She was completely willing and ready to step in and beat his ass. I don't think her following Angel was bad— angel had actively gone out of his way to NOT tell any of them how Val treated him. Back in episode 2, he pointedly hid his phone screen when val was texting and played off the message Charlie saw by saying, "My boss is just stressed about the news"

Charlie followed him, thinking she would be able to happily talk to Val about things. The MOMENT she became aware of the reality of Angels' situation she was ready to FIGHT.

I can't bring myself to call her immature for wanting to believe people can be helped. If anything, she needs to learn HOW to talk to people because right now, her aggressive kindness and tatics for helping are eeerrrr. It's not fantastic, wofkwkkdke, but i don't blame her for that. She was clearly sheltered, but She's trying, and that's more than what 90% of the people in hell can say.

Actually, more than once now, we've seen her get PISSED before reeling herself back in. And husk said it best: "She wants to solve everyone elses problem except her own"

I think a decent amount of the bubbly personality we see might not be all there is.

If anything, i think episode 4 was fantastic for both her and Angel. In the sense that Angel now realizes he has two different people totally willing to go to bat for him, that he can trust (and we HEAR that in his voice. He used his natural voice with them both!) and Charlie has learned a very important lesson about boundaries and that while her fury is righteous, she needs to learn to approach these situations with more tact.

[secret-engima]

*slaps table* hi. This is the post where I talk about, yet again, why Kishi is an idiot when it comes to the implications of his own worldbuilding. Point 1. being that Kishi’s insistence that peacetime is bad for shinobi business is hot garbage and point 2. being the implications of ANBU being Scary even to other shinobi. Because the show makes it clear that ANBU are supposed to be the Scary Ones, the Dark Ones who do messed up stuff. Many fics have already talked about this, but not *too* many I've seen actually explore the implications of what that actually MEANS when put in the context of a society who thinks it's A-okay to give a knives and bombs to literal kids and shoo them off to fight things. Buckle up I’m going to flex my logic center and start talking economics even tho I never studied economics outside casual worldbuilding interest.

Okay to start off with, I’m need to talk about Not Anbu for a hot minute and describe some of the few things we *do* know about Kishi’s “worldbuilding” of the shinobi villages and their history.

1. Literally everyone but Madara the Madman agrees that the villages are a Good Thing that happened, even the missing ninja never breathe a word about wanting to go back to the Warring States Era where everyone was in clans. The implications of this could honestly be it’s own entire rant but I will restrain myself and focus on the topic at hand for now.

2. Konoha and every village barring the trash fire that is pre-Boruto Kiri have a thriving enough economy to be literal *cities* of very decent size and decent quality of life, which the civilians have a major hand in I’m sure, but tellingly the shinobi *make enough income to get by* and seem to do so very easily. I will probably come back to this as I go on.

3. Ninja villages not only have a wide array of mission ranks (which I will also come back to) but they are the ones who set the prices for individual missions, not the employers. This is seen in the infamous Wave mission when the bridge builder fellow lied about the danger of the mission because he *could not afford to pay for a mission above a C-rank*, which I remind you is the second lowest mission ranking in the system.

Alright with those in mind I’m gonna talk about the “peacetime is bad for shinobi” garbage because that does actually relate directly to the worldbuilding implications of ANBU. Just. Just bear with me here and forgive me if this kinda rambles in multiple directions, talking about anything with Kishi makes my braincells run for the hills on a good day.

JUMPING IN WITH THE PEACETIME THING. This is stupid. This is one of the stupidest things to come out of Kishi’s mouth in my opinion barring the existence of the cannibal space aliens. Why? Because despite Kishi’s love of explosions and giant flashy fights shinobi are supposed. To be. STEALTHY. And the vast majority of them now live in villages, which means they need steady income.

Post the unification of the clans into villages, wars actually became too big and messy to be profitable because it’s during peacetime that people have money to spend on hiring ninja. And we see them spend it on incredibly frivolous things when it comes to shinobi. Just look at all the D-ranks we see or are referenced in the shows. Babysitting, pet retrieval, fence painting, carrying shopping bags for civilian ladies, house cleaning, the list goes on. And these pay well enough, are priced high enough by the village, that Might Dai, a single parent, was able to feed, shelter, and clothe both himself and an extremely energetic child while also having time to train himself and his son and walk Gai to and from school. And the price tag for missions only goes up from there. Higher ranked missions pay more according to risk, but peacetime is when people will be able to afford those kinds of missions. *Wartime*, as war is defined in the show post-village creation, are giant, messy affairs where a lot of manpower goes to maintaining front lines and countering enemy action, leaving far *less* manpower and time to take on these kinds of missions, and with the mass destruction of land and resources that these wars cause, people will have less money to throw at having the magic ninja men do things like escort caravans, deal with petty crime, retrieve stolen items, etc. And those examples are just C-rank/B-rank examples. Most wartime missions that we see in the show are actually missions assigned by the village itself, not from an outside client, which means the pay is coming from the Village coffers and not an external source, which can get messy very quickly if they do not have the manpower to take enough missions from outside clients to refill those coffers. Remember that I’m coming back to it later.

Wartime, for village ninja, is loud and messy and ugly. *Peacetime* on the other hand, is the playground of the rich, the powerful, and the *subtle*. Peacetime is when nobles pay top dollar to *flaunt* that they can afford to hire a ninja or three to escort them around in broad daylight regardless of any enemies they’ve made. Peacetime is when nobles have the money to pay for ninja to go in and spy on rivals or steal secrets. Peacetime is when the Daimyo and other elites hire shinobi to escort luxury goods at high risk of theft, to deal with underground human or drug trafficking that is inconveniencing them, or to spy on their neighboring lands for information that will become useful next time they meet up to flex on each other in a “you don’t want to make trouble with me I have and know X”.

More importantly, peacetime is when the *lower* classes can afford to pay for the magic ninja as well. If D-ranks are enough to support a single parent and his child, then C and B ranks are actually going to be the *backbone* of a ninja village’s economy, not the A or S ranks. C and B ranks are going to be the highest pay for the lowest risk, and those will predominantly come from the merchant and working class who have enough spare cash to have someone deal with the wild animals harming their livestock, take out budding trafficking rings and bandit gangs or escort people and goods.

     I don’t think I’m emphasizing this one enough. Look at a map of the Elemental Nations, look at the size of those countries. Now we don’t get a lot of info on cities in those countries (because KISHI) but there are bound to be plenty of villages, towns, and cities dotting those countries, and all of them are going to be connected in some way to each other via trade routes and highways. You’re going to have Konoha’s own supply lines and the trade deals they have with their own merchant families bargaining for preferential treatment in exchange for setting up shop in a ninja village on top of all the other merchants from all over the Land of Fire who, during peacetime, have both money and incentive to hire the fire-chucking magic people to ensure *all* of their goods arrive *on time, every time*.

You’re going to have merchants who have supply lines through multiple countries. Glass products from the Land of Wind. Inks, fine paper, and flavored teas from Land of Fire. Fish, oyster, and pearl products from the coast (which is especially high risk in areas near the disaster fire that is Kiri). Each and every country is going to have luxury products or famous higher-quality raw materials (*points at Iwa and their rock obsession, points at every product made out of high quality stone, silver, gold, or iron ore*) that the other countries are all going to want, and consequently you will have merchants that are going to be willing to pay top dollar to ensure those products get where they are meant to go and do so undamaged and in a timely fashion despite bad roads/bad weather/bandits/rogue shinobi hired by a competitor/wild animals/freak acts of the local kami because you forgot to pay tribute to their shrine last week.

The technology of pre-Boruto era is also still stuck in the *horse and wagon* stage, meaning you have caravans of this stuff moving on very strict, long term schedules, which means these are jobs that the village can charge per day or week on the road on top of the base price estimated from the level of risk to the shinobi. You have merchants who are going to give preferential treatment to the village of their home nation if they can, both because you Don’t Insult The Local Fire Breathers/Rock Gougers/Storm Summoners/Etc but also because the villages themselves likely offer discounts for natives of their country, or even contracts that are essentially subscription deals for those who have multiple caravans going out at the same time, multiple times in a year. A “pay this much up front and we will ensure that several shinobi are always on standby to guard one of your caravans” kinda deal. It’s been implied multiple times in the shows that the majority of any shinobi village’s workforce are chuunin and that jounin’s are elite, and C/B-ranks are literally stated in the wiki to be usually given to teams of Chuunin or sometimes two genin teams and their jounin pairing up for a joint operation. Chuunin are going to make their careers on guarding caravans, dealing with bandits, clearing road hazards, etc. If Chuunin are the majority of your workforce, then missions that chuunin can take are going to be, by necessity, the largest cashflow coming into your village.

If a war between two or more countries is happening, all of that gets heavily restricted because of the risk of infiltration, heavily impeded from road destruction and wartime front lines, or straight up *shut down* from lack of money and manpower to take those missions.

Can you see what I’m getting at now when I say Kishi’s peacetime line is stupid.

And here comes another fun aspect of this. Because where the money flows, so does the cultural norms. Now a lot of fics I’ve seen emphasize the child soldier thing and also how D-ranks are very likely a way to acclimate the genin to mission work while also training civilians to see ninja as Friendly Safe Workers who happen to have magic powers and knives. But the thing is, all of that work on acclimating the civilians to view their local shinobi as Safe To Hire is going to go out the window if you remind them too often that these people are literal killers for hire. Merchants are not going to want to hire Infamous Killers because that says to their customers and their potential business partners that they themselves are shady and possibly approve of murder to get their way. Poking at D-ranks briefly, farmers aren’t going to want to hire potentially unhinged murderers to till their fields, and nobody is going to want to hire even the genin to *babysit their kids*.

So.

In order to attract reliable patronage from these low risk, well paying areas, the ninja villages had to *alter their public perception*. Assassination missions, kidnapping missions, extortion missions, all of those over time became short-term gain/long-term loss for the village. So they took them on less and less, and those kinds of missions became increasingly *socially unacceptable* even to the shinobi, because if the village doesn’t approve of it, it’s not a good thing. What assassination/sabotage missions we do see or hear referenced in canon are always, iirc, targeting someone that can the ninja can safely point at and say “this is a bad guy”. High ranking rogue shinobi from other villages or crime lords or despotic warlords being I think the majority (if not the entirety) of the few examples canon gives us. Those are people that, when civilians hear about them being assassinated, the civilians are going to say “good riddance” rather than “oh no!”. And if those missions are the only ones that the common shinobi hear about themselves or take on, then that’s what they are going to associate with those types of missions. A high risk job that is nonetheless seen as Morally Right, even if their moral compass hinges mostly on who is the friend or enemy of their home village.

I could also get into how this has really interesting implications for what the Warring State Era shinobi economics were like and how Hashirama and Madara making Konoha was basically inventing the concept of unionizing but I’m not going to side track to that because finally, FINALLY, we get to the ANBU Are Scary Thing.

Because this. This whole thing about how peacetime is actually where ninja villages make their bread and butter and how the push-pull of being Socially Acceptable for Money turning into Actual Moral Perception is where ANBU’s identity as the Scary Guys comes into play.

Now we don’t know when ANBU was actually founded in Konoha or any other village, but I’m going to ballpark and say it was *after* the First War because of a few key things we know about ANBU.

1. ANBU are Scary.

2. ANBU are known to specifically hunt other ninja (specifically Kiri has a Hunter-nin branch of ANBU but logically every village would have this).

3. ANBU work is extremely psychologically and physically grueling to their members and has a high fatality rate.

4. Whatever ANBU does is considered messed up even by ninja standards. An example that comes to mind is a filler flashback where Gai ends up running into Kakashi on an ANBU mission where Kakashi is basically putting down enemy ninja that are defeated and attempting to surrender and Gai is visibly distressed by this.

The First Shinobi World War likely rocked the Elemental Nations as badly or *worse* than WWI did for the real world, because this was the first time “war” was not defined as two or three noble lords throwing peasants with spears or the occasional ninja at each other or two or three shinobi clans having a protracted blood feud that they could only initiate when they weren’t busy trying to feed their own families. Assuming Konoha has the average number of shinobi clans that can be found in a shinobi village, that means we had somewhere upward of 55 clans from various countries throwing everything they had at each other on open battlefields, destroying large amounts of landscape, and causing shinobi and civilian casualties on a mass scale that even the most fire happy Uchiha could not have achieved on their worst day. This was also after Jinchuuriki became a thing, so this war was the first demonstration of what it’s like to essentially duct tape a nuke to an emotionally volatile child soldier and see what happens when you throw two or more of them into a battlefield.

The economy of the villages and their respective nations would have been in chaos after the war. Entire towns, roads, and bridges are straight up gone, chunks of landscape for miles around have been drastically rewritten, the death toll is high and the missing persons list is even higher and in the wake of this you’re going to have *every* would-be warlord and their grandfather getting uppity and trying to stake a claim on what they can of the wreckage. This includes Rogue Shinobi, likely the first real appearance of Rogue Shinobi in ninja history, at least on this scale. Lots of shinobi are going to be disillusioned from the war, exhausted, more than a few are mentally broken from the traumas, and all the ninja who have no moral compasses and dreams of power are looking at this and deciding “hey, now is a great time to become a warlord”. On top of all this, since most of the wartime missions were assigned by the villages themselves and not an outside client (with *very minimal* cash flow coming from the Daimyo himself since presumably the war was partially his idea, but even the royal coffers are not enough to run a military city the size of Konoha kthanks), the village coffers are likely hanging out somewhere between “Naruto’s childhood allowance” and “I can offer you lint”.

Obviously, these things need to be taken care of pronto, and with the villages scrambling to have the money to rebuild, the Kage in charge are going to be much more willing to take on dirty missions like assassinations, extortion, blackmail, *whatever* just to refill the village coffers. But. The ninja villages still need to keep their social acceptability in order to start getting their C and B ranks back, especially after the war opened everyone’s eyes to how destructive shinobi can really be in large numbers. They cannot afford to be seen killing left and right and the Rogue ninja are a huge stain on their village’s reputation, but openly advertising that “hey, if anyone leaves the village we’ll behead them” really isn’t going to do any favors for keeping the shinobi who are in the same mental space Tsunade was when she got fed up and left Konoha altogether.

And this, I think, is what gave rise to the existence of ANBU. The Kages picking their remaining highly skilled and most loyal followers, putting them in masks so that they cannot be easily identified by civilians, and sent out to quietly complete these high level, socially unacceptable missions. They were sent out to deal with Rogue shinobi and make them disappear without advertising to all the other traumatized village shinobi that their village is “serve or die” rather than the more patriotic “we fight for our home” that they were raised with. They were sent out to perform civilian assassinations, extortion, whatever they were offered in order to shore up the village’s shaky economy of the time and enable the Kage to pay their soldiers.

Then, after the economy stabilized, the ANBU just kinda … never left. Because by then the respective Kage had realized that being able to take on these kinds of missions with high pay and no loss of social acceptability was useful, and in the wake of the First War with everyone being simultaneously paranoid of their neighboring country but also on eggshells to not start another war, the anonymity of ANBU became a convenient way to keep an eye on each other and subtly attempt to sabotage the other when it looked like they were getting too powerful. The next two Great Shinobi Wars only solidified ANBU’s role in the hidden villages for those very same reasons, even though I would argue that they were ultimately a Bad Idea because they put too much power in the hands of the Kage without their village clans being able to hold them responsible, and that’s how we get stuff like Danzo™ and the crimes committed by Danzo™ and the Sandaime against the Uchiha. The existence of ANBU and the ability to “anonymously” jab at each other also just encouraged the animosity between the Great Shinobi Villages, and allowed warmongers (Danzo™) to ensure that an actual peace never fully settled in until the 4th Shinobi War happened.

And the peace post the 4th war, by the way, SHOULD have been a huge boom in the popularity and use of shinobi rather than the detriment that the Boruto manga/anime insists on for like- all the reasons stated in the economics part of this rant as well as the rise of CORPORATIONS that would happily pay a lot for shinobi in a host of different capacities and also people paying for shinobi to pretty please come help rebuild our destroyed homes and farmland with your fancy ninja powers.

It’s also canon that several shinobi retired and went into other professions in the wake of this peace and alliance, such as *acting*, which opens up an entire potential slew of missions geared specifically toward movie producers using their new technologies and their bigger budgets to hire shinobi as stuff like stunt doubles, live special effects artists (need to rehearse but the set isn’t done yet? No problem!! Just hire someone with *genjutsu* to make your actors the ultimate set/stage), *makeup artists* (hey those infiltration skills come in handy in a lot of ways), and more. And that’s just one “modern” profession off the top of my head that would adore having Magic Ninja People available for hire.

I’m sure I’m missing a ton of potential peace time jobs and economic implications because again, I only research this stuff in relation to worldbuilding fictional places. But there we go, I have just gone a 3k rant about ninja economics in order to explain why ANBU are Scary. I hope ya’ll enjoyed.

A side note I couldn’t find a good spot for in the actual rant but another factor in the shinobi villages having to change their behavior and seem Socially Acceptable is because of the rise of civilian-born shinobi in their genin/chuunin ranks. Because there’s no way a civilian family is going to *want* their child to become a murderous psychopath. A competent, magic wielding defender of your merchant uncle’s caravans on the other hand…

Other rants I need to do at some point when my braincells aren’t mush are:

1. My personal HCs on Konoha’s orphanage/foster system (aka Hi, Let Me Give You More Reasons To Hate Sarutobi Hiruzen)

2. Ninja Economics Two: Warring States Boogaloo (Edit: now available here!)

3. Why Cannibal Space Ninjas Are The Stupidest Idea of Multiple Stupid Options

4. Boruto Ninja Cults: What Kishi Could’ve Done Instead of the Garbage We Got

5. Genin Corps (Aka Reasons Kishi Could’ve Given for Why No One Thought Kabuto Was Suspicious But Didn’t. Aka Ninja Economics 3 Babyyyyyy)

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

okokok i know Literally Nobody Asked but I NEED to get this down. some more about my “metal sonic makes his own sonic oc” AU I’ve had since I was like nine.

I’ve made a post on it before, but here’s a quick summary bc like, I do not expect you guys to hunt down my old posts lol. Basically, the idea is that instead of going for the whole dramatic take over the world thing in Heroes, Metal Sonic instead decides to go with a more subtle approach, instead disguising himself as a normal organic hedgehog (who, as mentioned, is basically his original character) to infiltrate Sonic and his friends from the inside and steal their data while they’re none the wiser. They’re Nova, here’s the drawing I’ve done of them, they’re based on a mixture of Neo Metal Sonic, classic Amy, and like every Sonic OC I saw in the early 2010s (I love them this is not meant to be a dig at them it’s an affectionate homage).

(As you can probably tell, he does not know what gender is. This will be a plot point.)

Anyway, so he ends up staging a scene where “Nova” is being attacked by Badniks (that he “repurposed” from Eggman- Eggman has no idea what’s going on except that Metal Sonic inexplicably vanished), knowing full well that Sonic's recklessness and thirst for adrenaline will stop him from questioning how strange it might be. This works, for approximately five seconds because Metal Sonic is terrible at acting like a normal person. He goes from faking fear to eerily calm to eagerly violent to exchanging snarky banter in the span of a minute, speaks in weirdly technical and verbose ways (he very much enjoys having a voice and refuses to shut up for five seconds), and seems completely unfamiliar with most aspects of human life.

Thankfully, he’s terrible at roleplaying his new OC in such a way Sonic's first reaction isn’t suspicion- after “Nova” responds with sheer terror at the idea of returning home, bursts into tears when shown mild concern, and isn’t able to answer basic questions about his life, Sonic instead comes to the conclusion that Nova is a runaway of some sort from a horrible background, and is concerned for them. This, mixed with genuinely enjoying trading banter with them means he initially genuinely trusts them- he’s not stupid, he picked up on something being suspicious he’s intuitive and smart, but his inherent disdain for those who pick on the weak and oppress them means he’s more inclined to trust someone who he believes to be running from some sort of traumatic situation, so he assumes that Nova’s just very sheltered and acting weird bc he literally was just “attacked”.

Now, Metal hates his organic disguise. He views organic beings as inherently weak, stupid, and disgusting, and even mimicking them is something that is unpleasant and wrong to him. He hates expressing his emotions, and finds it deeply humiliating that not only can he not hide them, but also that the algorithm he programmed for it is way overcalibrated, so he’s grinning at the slightest feeling of satisfaction or bursting into tears over any frustration or confusion. Basically every bodily function- down to breathing- is something he finds incredibly disgusting to even fake, and being around multiple people who eat and blink is beyond uncomfortable. He views basically everyone around him who isn’t Sonic as repulsive creatures he wants to destroy on sight, not pretend to be friends with. But it is necessary to prove his superiority to Sonic- he initially just wanted to steal their data, but he cannot help but view this as a competition. Sonic, he reasons, must be as disgusted with the inferior organics around him as Metal is, since he’s the only one who matters out of them, so if he can pretend to tolerate them better he’s proving he is the better Sonic even while he’s not actively trying to kill him.

So, like, as far as anyone’s concerned, Nova is just… kinda weird. He talks oddly, he’s very loud, he’s often confused, but he’s never anything but accommodating and kind. Tails thinks he’s cool and wishes he could dress like him (which leads to her realising she’s a trans girl sorry I believe in trans girl Tails supremacy) and Nova helps her in engineering, Amy enjoys having a friend who also has an interest in fashion (albeit a very different style), and in general things seem chill.

In his own way, Metal does get attached, too. He has a fundamentally different way of viewing the world than they do, but he’s also unused to being treated like a person or having social interaction and fun outside of violent maiming and killing, and it’s something he immediately latches onto. He still sees all of them bar Sonic as inherently lesser in importance to him, and sees them as more like useful tools rather than actual people, but that means he does want to keep them alive, and that’s a pretty big thing for a robot designed solely for violence and destruction.

With Sonic, specifically, he becomes determined to not only prove that he’s better than him but wants him to reach his full potential- so that he can prove, even if Sonic is at his absolute best, he’s still inferior to Metal. Destroying Sonic is his purpose, it’s not something he can ever stop aiming for with his programming, but he’s grown to heavily respect him, and, in his own way, enjoy his company.

But, of course, his mission is still the same. He has some organic beings he wants to spare, but he still views most of them as inherently disgusting and pitiful, and he’s still determined to become the ultimate overlord over all things. And there’s one piece he finds he needs for that- Shadow. Metal wasn’t able to properly copy his data while he was in stasis, and so he just so happens to mention hearing something about a secret treasure somewhere nearby where he knows where that base is, when Rouge is listening…

And now we’ve gotten back to the part of the timeline Heroes takes place, though obviously it happens… quite differently. Eggman has no idea what’s going on and just is very much blaming it on Sonic bc he hates him and he has no clue why his robots (and one ultimate life form) keep disappearing, which drags Team Sonic and Team Rose in turn into another round of beating the shit out of his badniks for a reasonable amount of fast paced platforming levels, Team Chaotix were hired for the aforementioned “Eggman’s minions keep Inexplicably Vanishing” issue, and Nova is there bc Metal Sonic is literally just living out his own self insert OC fanfiction of his own making. Heroes doesn’t have too much plot, though, so there’s not too much to mention…

Until, when in the final battle, Sonic gets a bit too overconfident, and ends up getting seriously hurt. Immediately, “Nova” jumps in, because Metal is not going to let his target die at the hands of anyone else, and takes what was meant to be the final blow. The sheer force is just enough to rip a chunk out of his shoulder, causing him to revert to his Neo Metal Sonic form.

Things immediately stop. Everyone is baffled, everyone has questions, and obviously hearing “I spent months infiltrating your friend group to kill you painfully” is not a… particularly fun answer? Everyone is angry, Eggman included bc his creations aren’t meant to go against his orders and running off to do an insane assassination plot is not something he ever ordered. So, overwhelmed and honestly confused, Metal does what he knows best- he runs. Sonic’s too injured to follow, and no one else is fast enough to catch him, he knows that much, but it still somehow feels more wrong than anything else.

Over the next few months, he will repair himself, and shift back into his Nova form- after all, if he failed so badly, he deserves to feel horrible and disgusting. He will wander aimlessly until he enters an unfamiliar city on the eve of a certain alien invasion. But this is long enough as it is, I am Not writing another…fourteen paragraphs what the fuck on the Shadow the Hedgehog timeline for this (though I wish I could it’s got the Metal Sonic and Shadow content I always wanted it’s what I Meant to talk about but then I rambled on way too much about the Basic Premise.)

[youdontloveme-yet]

It seems people around here need a bit of an insight on the events that are happening in the Middle East currently. (btw, there has been a devastating earthquake in Afghanistan, which also needs attention) I will compile what my friend has said since this genocide started and what they're basically being forced to live through. Excuse me, survive through.

07.10.23: First thing my friend sent me in the morning was this:

Saying the bombings have not stopped since 6am, while he texted me this photo at 8am. He said there're bombs and rockets flying in different directions from all over Gaza. Be it by Hamas or IDF doesn't matter. Our conversation continues to me witnessing a 22 year old man breaking down, wishing this was just a bad dream. A little while later as I bombard him with questions about the situation and what they're saying on the news and whatnot he simply said:

When I asked if there are any protocols for civilians:

As the day went on and I had to function like an actual person and go to work, in the evening I asked if his family has emergency plans.

And asked for shelters.

He joked about the situation. We joked about the situation. You know, to keep the normalcy rather than making it worse for everybody. He didn't sleep that night. I couldn't stop crying through the entire day and night.

08.10.23: First thing is the morning is to see if he's okay. Still alive, still joking about it. I asked about the bombing and he tells me they've been going on every few minutes through the entire night. We continue speaking through the entire day, as I cannot stop shaking nor crying, because I am absolutely fucking useless and helpless.

Is what comes out as he is barely holding up, amidst joking around. He still asks me about my day, why I am scheduling therapy, if I have eaten anything and so on. Regardless the fact that he is now in an active warzone with very big prospects of him dying. So, I think you can paint a picture of the type of person he is. I try to keep our conversations light and normal, as they usually are, so as he doesn't lose his mind. He send me pictures of his cat and growing a stress beard. We joke around and keep up the normalcy as much as possible. We go back and forth with how he will not get rid of me especially in this situation. With him constantly telling me it's not worth it and how I'll only get hurt. As you can imagine I legit do not care, since I will stick with him 'till the very end. We continue going in circles with why I shouldn't get attached or how he's happy to see my ugly mug, some innuendos being throw around and whatnot. Every night I tell him to stay safe as if he has any power over it. In the evening I ask if he needs some distraction, either to talk or play games. He played a few games with the rest of the server, you know, to keep his sanity. I keep sending memes and stupid shit to keep it light. We got to the point where we started talking about books, so I ask him for his favourite:

I unfortunately literally passed out after our book conversation, as I was fatigued from crying and shaking all day.

09.10.23: In the morning he tells me he is alive and doing okay-ish. After which we continue with the back and forth of "it's a waste of time to stress about me". I ask about his family, how I'll love and support him even if he commits war crimes and whatnot. To which he continues to answer with stuff like this:

Well, we both know is a bit too late to not get attached. :)

There is something so viscerally horrifying when a big, strong man tells you he is scared. There is something so incredibly painful, when the person you've grown attached to tells you he is scared. I cannot even start to explain how my heart sunk and the most abusive and profound sadness nested itself in my chest. I woke up every hour during that night, even though I smoked enough weed to keep me asleep for a week. And I woke up in terror every fucking hour of the night.

10.10.23: He's alive and well. As well as someone can be in his situation. Hadn't slept all night, but is alive. We continue our usual banter and jokes through the day. Later he apologizes for forgetting that I am going to therapy. We talk about flowers, because he loves flowers and we both need distraction. As we keep talking he casually throws in how he finally has his meds. Which to me is weird, because he hadn't mentioned any pills before. And this is how I learn he is on anti-depressants since his brother killed himself the previous year. He hadn't told anyone else. I will here remind that he is not even 22 yet and has gone through absolute shit. By absolute shit I mean the worst things imaginable. For example, he shared in the server how he witnessed a rocket split a person in half, nearly killing his brother when he was only 14 years old. Later on I had the small victory of making him laugh, while bombs were still raining on them. We even played a game that night. Then the horrors continued:

I left him to his own vices for that time, as I knew anything I'd say would make it only worse. When I spoke to him next he had calmed down, even tho he was battling his demons. Even made him smirk with a pun. And the dread came back in full power after.

So, as you can imagine, knowing that the person you most deeply care about doesn't want to exist is absolutely and irrevocably devastating. I do not recall if this was the same night, when he told us they started using white phosphorus rockets, but it might as well have been the same night. I would like to remind here that white phosphorus is banned as a weapon and is allowed only to use for smoke screen. While in this case they were launching rockets full of it towards houses and entire neighbourhoods. The whole idea behind it is that if a person doesn't die from an entire building collapsing, they will either suffocate or literally melt due to the phosphorus. Which automatically means that they cannot identify victims or have claims that a child has been killed. It is a very old tactic used in the majority of devastating wars.

So, here I will ask all the zionists and racists, how can a person like this be dubbed a terrorist? How can a person, who cares more about my well-being, while being actively under siege, a fucking terrorist? With what consciousness do you call all Palestinians terrorists? What goes through your silly little minds to support Israel in slaughtering such people?? Palestine is 2mil people, 55% of which are children. The average age in the country is 18. And people still dare to say that they are animals, subhuman and terrorists. You have no actual evaluation of what is right and wrong, if you cannot get it through your thick skulls that Hamas is but a fraction of Palestine, while the rest 90+ percent of people are just like you and me. Have you no empathy for those who have been subjected to severe ethnic cleansing for 80 fucking years? Because you all had sympathy for Ukraine when Russia attacked, but when it is not white fucking people, it is not a genocide, it's the colonial state of Israel defending themselves.

I will end this here for now, as I have to pretend to be a functioning person and work. I will continue this when I can.

Peace and may your Gods save your souls when karma comes for you. Everyone else, stay safe :)

[geezerwench]

This stormy morning at the Crone's Nest, I find myself having heavy thoughts. I'm thinking about reading, books, their inherent magic. I think about the joy they bring with the turn of each page. The feelings, the knowledge, the experiences, the curiosity, they inspire.

And then my heart sinks.

That joy is being stolen, strong armed away, from people. Mostly it is children who will be the victims of this mind theft. Yes, I call it theft. Childhood is a magical time. Childhood is when the love of reading is formed. Childhood is when the ability to foster reading is important. Now...reading will be a mind numbing chore to be endured, not encouraged. UNLESS it is the right kind of book. Pablum basically. No thought, or developing skills of discernment, required. Milquetoast fare that doesn't challenge, or comfort, or open doors, or encourage thought. How very sad for children to have all those doors slammed shut.

I've listened to people, too many people, that want to "protect the children." Honestly, I really do not give two damns, or a wink and nod, if they want to deprive THEIR children. Let their children fall behind, be lost in the sauce when they are grown, or oblivious to everything not just like themselves. Let their children be shocked by the world outside their 'very safe and sheltered' enclave. But, and this is where my anger is raised, How...Dare... These... Pablum.. Pushing...People decide for everyone what is acceptable reading. Are they skilled in education, or literacy, or child (and Adolescent) development? 99 44/100% of the time the answer to that is NO. They just..."think, feel, believe" that children need to be allowed to be children, and that THEY AND ONLY THEY can say what ALL children read, see, hear. No facts...just think, feel, believe. And if I hear God invoked one more time I think I'll vomit. Well...IF there is a God, then he/she gave us brains, that should be developed, nurtured, grown, inspired...not wrapped in cotton and swaddled into non-functioning oblivion, only to be rudely shaken when adulthood is nigh.

Why do I have such disdain? Mainly because this is an incredibly stupid time in history. A time when ignorance is a virtue, and knowledge is to be crushed. The majority of the ones shouting to "protect the children" don't read. They don't like being challenged. and I honestly I don't think they like their children very much either...or else they would be prepared to challenge their children's minds, they would not be threatened by ideas, or differences, or history, or other beliefs. They don't have the knowledge or interest themselves, and must not trust their own beliefs either.

"Protect the Children." My aunt fanny. Protect themselves is closer to the mark. Simple...if YOU don't want YOUR spawn to read something, or learn something, or hear something...Keep Them Home, safely tied to the apron strings. Keep them OUT of the general population. Only allow them to learn what YOU are comfortable with, so keep them out of the public libraries, public school libraries, and public schools. The rest of us will be just fine not having to cater to your fear, bigotry, open hate, and ignorance. The "Children" need to be allowed to be "Children." Hmmm let's dissect that. I...yes, personal anecdote...was not only allowed to read, I was encouraged to read whatever I wanted to. If it was out of my "age range" oh well. I could struggle through it, ask questions, look up threads to figure it out, or put it down for another time. Was I still a child? Yes. I played, on my own, or with others. I ran, and rode bikes, and would go swimming, or crabbing or fishing, or play with toys. I played some sports here and there as my interest allowed. I had friends. I was encouraged to understand that my little sphere was not the entire world. My sons...were encouraged to read, anything and everything. I didn't care what. A book, magazine, comic, cereal box, newspaper, magic card, video game script. I did not care. They were reading. If they had questions, they asked. If they asked, I answered. If I didn't have the answer, WE looked it up together. Were they children? Yep, they played, and had friends, and toys, and video games, and watched cartoons. But they also knew there was a world outside our front door and they had to live in it one day.

How dare some small uninformed, unread, narrow group of people try to censor what ALL children, and adults read. They are reaching into college reading, and school libraries at all levels, and public libraries, and book stores, and even publishing houses with their crap. Yes ...CRAP.

Yes, heavy, and somewhat dark, thoughts at the Crone's Nest this morning. The storms only augmenting my mood. The love I have for books, and the written word is hard to describe. This MOVEMENT TO CENSOR, and steal that experience from the many, is soul crushing.

Lead by people that have zero concept of much of anything. Yes, public school curriculum has always been available for any parent asking about it. (even in the 'old days' when teachers wrote their own individual lesson plans. Those plans HAD to be available on request.) Yes, parents could always request that THIER CHILD (spawn/urchin) NOT READ a certain book. and an alternative was offered. Same with program or class assignment. Parents could opt out. Odd, when you inform parents, and others, of this FACT today, they seem surprised, and "didn't know that." But these are the ones shouting from the roof tops to 'ban the book' from everyone. Only they don't say BAN...they say challenge and review. Which effectively BANS the books as it is removed from ALL shelves, and if the review board is overwhelmed the process can take months, if not longer. And it only takes ONE MORE-ON to pull a book. Only they come with a list of books.

School districts closing school libraries to become discipline centers, firing librarians. Town councils looking to close all city, or county libraries over A book. Firing teachers. Firing principals. Suing librarians. UNFUNDING ALL STATE LIBRARIES. allowing only bits of Shakespeare and other classics. Moms for Liberty, concerned parents, concerned 'families' and communities. No just uniformed, scared, bigots using a new name.

I find myself with swamp hag, bog witch thoughts. May they receive everything they richly have earned. May they find themselves in "interesting times." May they be truly recognized for all of their efforts. May they, and their offspring, reap from only the fields they have sown.

Tempie Markham

[battlekilt]

The thought of Commander "Not My Vod'ika" Cody being the first person to step between dogpiles on Anakin and everyone else.

Not that he won't hold Skywalker accountable. Just...

Let's back up and let me explain, as I've done with @spacingstars and I think @ninjigma:

My current thought process is Cody being grumpy around Anakin and about Anakin, but in that playful way he is about Obi-Wan, just more... Anakin is little brother. Despite being... 2–4 inches taller than Cody, depending on how tall I make Anakin. Anyway.

It comes down to the concept of Cody also being a very observant young man, and he not only knows Kenobi well, but he's also figured out how both his General and Rex's space wizard tic.

Specifically, Cody knows that when General Kenobi gets anxious and starts on his own spiral, he becomes incredibly self-critical, and when it comes to Anakin... it often comes down to him listing his criticisms about Skywalker. What Anakin struggles to see and Cody has figured out is that Kenobi gets hung up on Skywalker's shortcomings because Obi-Wan holds himself to blame.

When Obi-Wan starts in on Anakin, he's driven by a need to make sure he's done well by Anakin, and anything not smoothed out in his Padawan is ultimately, as the Master, his fault.

If there is a kerfuffle when Rex and Anakin's relationship is revealed, it isn't hard to picture Obi-Wan doing an Obi-Wan and laying in on Anakin. Our Chosen One would, of course, start to weep, and get sulky.

This means little can be done to address the actual issue. Cody's solution? He probably has many. Most of the time it is to distract the Jedi Master. However, this is the same Clone who bodily flung himself at Grievious. Meaning, he isn't above distracting Kenobi by picking a verbal fight.

However, most likely, I see Cody showing his calm, simple, military focus and just... in so many words, telling Obi-Wan to calm the eff down. Usually, it is Cody who is the hot-headed one between them.

Cody's actions as a buffer isn't just to aid his General or keep focus on the issue. It is also... Skywalker may not be his General of choice, but he is... Little Brother, and Anakin is Favorite Little Brother's Jedi "Little Brother" General—and for some Force-forsaken reason—that Favorite Little Brother has chosen to...

That's as far as Cody will let me write. He will make commentary under his breath about how he "raised" Rex better than this. To which, the Captain will remind his illustrious brother that they didn't become friends until they were roughly 9 years old (18th cycle); Cody didn't raise him. Or remarks about how he thought Rex would have better tastes—"What would you rather, Cody? General Kenobi?"

Cody just has to say:

Either way...

The idea of Cody being both Mr. Grumpy Cat Commander that cracks jokes about Skywalker being chaos on two legs, but he'll also:

Because, as with all Little Brothers—Don't hit his little brother, it is HIS job to hit his Little Brother.

And if this is Favorite Little Brother's Chosen One(TM)—Is this who Rex has decided to make The Stupid Face(TM)* to? He can't have Kenobi self-sabotage himself AND the Obnoxious General, can he?

Look, I love imagining Cody and Anakin's friendship as complicated and multilayered—it fits with Anakin, and it fits with how I characterize Cody. I think they deserve a relationship that isn't what it seems, but it has a good foundation.

Why? At the core, I don't like the Clones being the super informed Mindful Ones who do everything right, all the time. But, I do like to explore how they are absent of some of the same foibles we may have, and can't been infected with certain social ails the way we have—e.g their relationship with the concept of Gender being very simple, basic, but mutable and adaptable. Or that they haven't been inducted into the galaxy's larger rape culture. On one hand, I love the idea of them being socially impressionable, but also... sheltered in a way that makes it easy for them to put aside some things. So, they pick up on things quickly.

They aren't experienced, well-informed, and quite progressive like the Jedi Order would be. However, they also aren't burdened with the same bigotry others have because they grew up incredibly sheltered and isolated.

Thus, Cody does not see the point in dressing Skywalker down, while everyone is in an emotional statement, to the point where emotions continue to escalate detrimentally. It does more harm than good, makes it harder for them to go through the issues later, and just...

It is that remnants of Cody's childhood:

Never hurt another brother.**/***

PLEASE DO NOT USE the Cody emoji. It has been used here with exclusive permission by its creator, @ninjigma. If you want to use their pewpewCody and other adorable emojis, become a Patreon of theirs and join their server.

notations under the cut

*The Stupid Face is the Clone colloquialism for... basically, heart eyes.

**Certain military regulations and their mandated punishments are another thing. Don't be a traitor, and don't desert—though, to Cody, deserters ARE traitors.

*** From Legends, we know that the Kaminoans had VERY strict rules about the Clones being prematurely harmed. It took a lot for Jango to get them to permit Commandos to be trained with live-rounds at all.

[mallowmaenad]

back when i was trying to get back into brute forcing game dev (i am very stupid) I had aspirations of making an RPG in the Doom engine inspired by stuff like Strife, Hedon and Lycanthorn as well as a Hylics mod my friend was making for Doom which gave me the idea to make it about a cartoonish wizard that used spells with goofy hand gestures in place of regular weapons. I got disheartened when I was told about the limitations of DoomBuilder and my depression and then my life when to absolute shit before I could do anything but hold onto my soul like the safety rail of a rollercoaster car. I still thought about it a lot in the back of my mind, about enemy types like necromancers that would turn dead enemies into animated skeletons, a large battle between two castles the player would get into, secret forest mazes, magic items that would give you a double jump or a hover, the Doom Eternal-like rhythm of strafing and swapping spells for certain enemies, even a small class system that affected your starting gear and a plot about animated dolls and the sheltered life of a wizard's apprentice. Inventory would be managed in a "mind palace" where you could also check your quest progress and find secret levels taking place in the player character's psyche. One of the spells in this drawing is "shooting star," where you hold down the fire button to conjure more stars and release to fire them one after the other or press alt fire to release them all at once in a shotgun-like spread.

I have a friend who might teach me rpg maker which I'm excited for but I don't think it's what would fit what I had in mind for this game. Maybe with some encouragement and guidance I'll return to DoomBuilder or something similar. I'd like to, but thinking about doing it and actually doing it are two different things. I think when I started making music I was imagining it'd be this game's soundtrack, I know making a game on your own especially the open world zelda-meets-dragons-dogma adventure game I had in my head is incredibly difficult, but I think I could at least do the music, graphics, writing and maybe a portion of the actual meat. It'd look a bit ugly on purpose like if a team of deviant art users were tasked with rebooting a 3DO game with an insultingly mediocre stab at imitating the works of graham kartna, toby fox and some of niel cic's older stuff like what he was doing under the name Deporiatz.

I don't know. Ive felt stupid all of my adult life, I hate being stupid and learning is hard, I've been extremely insecure about my art ever since ny ipad shattered and I could no longer draw with the same polish I had before, last time I asked for art criticism I was told "this looks like you don't draw very often" by an artist I really adored and that kinda put me in the muck about it. I still draw I just rarely post it out of anxiety. Idk I guess I'm trying to rip some sort of band aid off and see what happens. Probably nothing, the number of people who will see this are probably in the single digits and ill probably delete this post out of embarrassment in a few days, but the thoughts will stay with me.

[vex-bittys]

Blood and Bone: All in Vein (part 1)

Inspired by a werewolf/vampire AU by @skumhuu that I saw on Twitter.

Warning: angst, blood (because vampires)

Life isn't fair, they say, and immortality only offers an exhausting eternity of those oh so frustrating, heartbreaking moments where one cannot help but ask the universe why.

Vampire hunters hunt vampires, whether those vampires have caused harm or not. Dream had never killed or even attacked a single monster in the nearby village, yet he crouched in the shelter of a copse of ancient willows, groaning in agony as his life-force ebbed away, punished for crimes he never committed. Kneeling next to him, his werewolf companion Cross kept stealing glances at him with his bright, sorrowful eyelights.

"Leave," the vampire ordered as forcefully as he could manage. He hoped the deep shadows would hide the severity of his injuries, but he suspected that Cross already knew. Werewolves have an acute sense of smell, after all. "There’s no point in the hunter getting both of us." 

Cross turned his attention back to their surroundings, not even bothering to meet Dream's eyes if it meant lowering his guard. "You know I'd die for you." The words were soft and matter-of-fact. 

So was the reply. "No." Dream snuck a hand up to his mouth to cover a cough that left his glove smeared with blood.

The willow branches rustled, the night wind catching in the leaves and tugging at them like strands of ghostly hair painted silver by moonlight. Cross's ears twitched, tracking the sound. Dream hadn't just saved his life all those years ago; the vampire made him feel alive. Cross couldn't bear the thought of losing him, of being forced to live in a world that Dream no longer occupied. Without him, there was nothing to live for.

"Drink from me," the werewolf begged, finally catching Dream's faded golden eyelights with his own. "Drink from me so you can escape."

Cross knew the answer before Dream even shook his skull, a clear but expected negative. How would Dream live with himself knowing that his continued existence came at the price of Cross's life? The werewolf should know him better. Besides…

A crafty look crossed his companion's wolfish features. What could the skeletal werewolf possibly be up to?

"You wouldn't waste my blood would you?" Before Dream had a chance to react to the enigmatic question, Cross reached up with claw-tipped phalanges and tore his throat open.

Crimson blood shot through with sparks of purple magic spilled from the wound, and Dream leaned forward, reflexively covering the injury with his mouth to slow the flood of life from his beloved werewolf's throat. The hot liquid slid across his tongue, sweet and potent as ever, and his fangs tingled and lengthened. The taste, the feel of the blood mingled with the magic… he craved more of it, the thirst in his mortally wounded body awakening with a vengeance. 

Swallowing mouthful after mouthful, Dream cursed himself and Cross in turn. Damn the stupid, stubborn puppy for doing something so incredibly stupid, so utterly irreversible, and damn him for not saying anything, for trying to protect Cross's feelings instead of telling him the truth. 

Draining Cross dry wouldn't save him. Every drop of blood in the other skeleton’s body wouldn't be enough to heal his injuries. Guilt burned like the holy water-tempered blades that had cut him. How could he have let this happen?

Cross slumped forward. Damn it. Tears overflowed Dream's sockets; he pressed their foreheads together. At least neither of them would end up alone.

Stupid stubborn puppy. Stupid, stupid vampire. He'd avoided the truth in an attempt to spare Cross from suffering, and now his sweet werewolf would pay the price. The flow of blood from Cross's throat slowed, then stopped. Dream's sockets drifted closed, his tears leaving streaks of gold on his cheekbones where they dried.

You wouldn't waste my blood, would you?

Damn it.

READ ON AO3

INDEX | NEXT

[problemswithbooks]

Chapter 371

So this weeks chapter went about how I thought it’d go; that being that everyone involved apparently never bothered to put any points into their intelligence stat. 

I’ve already seen people dismissing Shoji’s arguments as terrible and weak. That he’s lecturing people who are desperate and dying due to their discrimination. That he doesn't understand that oppression can't be endured away, that sometimes only violence can solve some issues.

Those aren't necessary totally wrong arguments. In RL bigotry is often only stopped once people raise up and demand better treatment even if it means killing those in power who oppress them. Telling an oppressed minority that they need to just suck it up, lead by example and endure until if gets better is offensive, if not harmful. Shoji is wrong for saying these types of things.

Yet, the issue is that Shoji does have a better argument that he could be using and isn’t, either because Hori is purposely making him stupid so he can be owned later, or because Hori does think the answer to oppression is to just play nice and hope that being kind will change people’s minds. Either one is some pretty terrible writing.

The thing is these mutants aren’t in the right here. Even if violence is needed to stop bigoty, that isn't what their violence here is set out to do, nor will it help their cause in anyway. Spinner has never said anything about or cared for the mutant cause, yet these people flock to him and want him to preach to Shoji about how wrong he is, yet he can’t. Somehow these people all gathered around Spinner and only noticed now that he can barely talk.

Their anger has essentially been used to manipulate them into attacking a random hospital to get back a guy they don’t even know. They don’t know how getting this Kurogiri fellow back will help stop mutant oppression. Instead they just did what some rando speaking for Spinner wanted without question. 

And that’s being kind to them. Another alternative is that they know they’re helping AfO and for some reason trust him despite all the evidence that he’s pure evil. It’s the same issue Lady Nagant had, where she sided with AfO because, ‘yeah he’s evil and will pretty much enslave us all, but isn't that better one corrupt organization?’. 

Both are incredibly dumb options, and yet Shoji instead tells them they should stop wanting to murder people in the hospital because maybe if they’re nice one day in the future it might bet better for mutants. Hori has both given the mutants rioting no leg to stand on, making it clear their current violence is only a manipulation for AfO, who will of course not help them, and had Shoji give the weakest argument as to why they should stop. 

At this point even if Spinner or the rando PLF guy argued with Shoji, they’d still be in the wrong, so there’s no real narrative pay off for him to be corrected. The mutants had better targets for their anger, like the shelters who had them kicked them out because they assume they’re villains, or whatever’s left of the government who they could force to enact actual change. 

Breaking Kurogiri out only helps AfO, who is so over the top evil that anyone with eyes and a brain could see he will not make things better for them. He has already thrown Japan into complete turmoil without doing anything to fix what he broke, nor does he seem all that quiet about the fact he wants to rule the world as a demon lord. Heck, you can't even use the excuse they’re really fighting for the LoV and Shigaraki, because the LoV have never been pro-mutant rights. 

So, yeah Shoji is using a stupid argument, but at the same time that doesn’t make Spinner or the civilians right, or on the side of justice. They’re all being equally stupid. The only thing this side plot has managed to convince me of is that Hori doesn't understand what he’s trying to write and that all mutants lack a functioning brain.  

[m--o--r--p--h--i--n--e]

I have the feeling that I don't know you so well anymore, and maybe I don't. I have the feeling that life is cracking again. I have a very frequent feeling that it's not worth it, it's not worth drying ice by recycling, it's not worth picking up trash on the beach. Not while big corporations and powerful white men destroy the planet faster than we can save it. I have the feeling that I haven't been living well, I have no interest in living most of the time. Today I spent the day numb, I didn't want to feel anything and I spent the day sleeping or on my cell phone, the minute I put my cell phone down I felt an enormous sadness. I dreamed about my father, I dreamed that he wanted to spend Father's Day with me and in the dream I didn't spend Father's Day with him, I was away, fixated on the idea of finding a gift for him. I barely spoke to my mother today, I barely felt anything. There are times when things are really difficult, and I don't expect anything, from anyone, any help. Firstly, as she once said, no one can save us from ourselves, and secondly, because I'm no longer used to asking for shelter, I don't know how to be sheltered anymore, I don't ask for it, nor do I want it. Then because whoever could welcome me is either at rock bottom too or doesn't do it. I've been getting addicted to quick dopamine hits and it's been melting my brain. Little hobbies become kind of boring because they don't hit the dopamine hit that reels would. Life is losing its meaning very quickly for me, and I'm sad that this sadness doesn't go away, it drags me down. I miss you dad, I miss how much you believed in me. How sure you were that I would be an incredible doctor, I miss being able to tell you about my day to day life as a nurse. I know you would love to hear every detail, I know you would insist that I train the techniques on you. I miss doing things together, watching a movie, going to the beach, eating your food. I think I'll spend the rest of my life missing you, from naina, from her, from my friends. About sapphic loves, I was so stupid to love you, to get attached, to feel so much. I hate that I feel so much, everything. I hate that when you hold my hand I still feel love, affection, and longing. Regarding the theory of figs and hunger, I wish I could live all the figs, all the lives. I feel trapped, as if my body weighs so much, so much, that I can't do anything anymore.

[commander-revan]

Hiii, hello, hope you are having a good day!! 2, 4, 7 and 9 for the OC ask game for you!!

Hi, and thanks! Work was pretty busy for me, but I still had a good day, and I hope you did as well.

I answered 2 in a previous post, so I'll answer the rest here.

4. Why did you give them the name they have? What is the in-universe reason for their name?

Her full name is Akane Akiyama. I've always liked the name Akane, not sure where I picked it up from specifically, but it means "deep red" so it fits with her quirk.

With Akiyama I was just trying to find something that flowed well with her first name since a lot of the names in MHA have a nice flow to them (Touya Todoroki, Shuichi Iguchi, etc) and it means "autumn mountain", which given how important Sekoto Peak was to Touya and Akane, it works pretty perfectly.

She briefly uses the name Kanashimi for her villain alias, which means "grief", as before she reunited with Dabi, she saw herself as an embodiment of grief come to make Endeavor pay for the things he put his family through, and for taking away the one person she loved.

7. Does your oc have any notable skills or good personality traits? Why did you give them those traits? Why do they exist in-universe?

She's incredibly hardworking and committed to goals she sets for herself, and as a result of that is very intelligent and is generally able to read people and their intentions fairly well.

Despite her capacity for violence and maliciousness towards those that deserve it, she's a very empathetic person. She truly loves everyone in the League and tries her best to be supportive and listen to their problems and give advice when needed (like trying to get Spinner to admit his feelings to Shigaraki and being there as much as possible for Toga after Twice's death since she knows what it's like to go through something like that).

She doesn't actually want to kill any innocent people, but she's incredibly loyal and she'd watch the world burn to protect the League. She was alone for so long, and lost everyone close to her before, so being with the LoV is the first time in a very long time that she's felt like she has people worth living for. So she does her best to live her life to the fullest with them.

A random skill she has is that while she sucks at playing cards, she's great at darts or any games requiring accuracy because of how she trained with her quirk.

And it doesn't come up much, but she also really loves animals. She has a rescue doberman named Eris that also works as a service dog for her at times. In another life, Akane would have run an animal shelter that takes in hard cases, and Touya would have been a tattoo artist/piercer.

9. In a group dynamic, what kind of role does the oc usually fill? Are they a worry wart? A troublemaker? The straight man?

That's a hard one, I'm not quite sure what role she'd fit in. She's the type to call people out if they're being stupid, but she's also a bit chaotic. She likes to watch the chaos happen and have fun with it, but may not join in and will be there in case anything goes wrong.

Not the mom friend, but maybe the chill aunt.

[crackedramblings]

More from 3.4.24

I felt the need to write this down. I'm compelling myself to do this.

A lot of this, this experience we've had, is about power. Personal power. Landing on this planet, we are powerless. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for something external to myself to shift. Endless waiting, endless patience. Understanding. 'Have compassion for them, they don't know what they are doing.' 'Be kind, show them a better way.' 'Good things come to those who wait.'

But the thing is, I don't know that I ever got anything all that great from being passive, or kind, or powerless. I mean, I guess my parents fed and clothed me when I was a baby. But then when I got old enough they were pushing me, always, to do something. To be something. To fit into this world. This hierarchical world of dominators at the top and submissive obedient workers at the bottom. The triangle. The pyramid. The pyramid that we've been trying to recreate with human society since Giza. They were desperately trying to get me to fit into this game that would allow me to survive.

But I didn't care about that. I wanted to be alone. I was anti-social, they said. I had social phobia. Well, who wouldn't? This planet is insane. It's driven me insane. I finally had to play the game just to get away from the people who were desperately driving me to play the game.

So I became a bit ruthless. In my job, with other people. I manipulated men. I worked incredibly hard to understand the stupid jobs I had and performed my work better than anyone. I threatened my boss that I would leave if he didn't get me a raise. I married someone I thought I could stand because it would get me lower taxes and free rent.

And I've created a small safe place. For now. And I'm still feeling powerless. Still waiting for something. Still, still, still. This people pleasing I've been doing? All part of the manipulation. It's a symptom of my perceived powerlessness. If I make other people happy, perhaps they will not push me down to the bottom of the pyramid where it's truly crushing.

But all of it's crushing. Everything here is crushing. Soul crushing. There must be a soul, there must be a higher self. Because I'm safe, physically. I have food and shelter. No one to bother me, besides family ties and whatever physical laws I have to follow because I landed on this world. And I'm safe, and I'm fed, and I'm warm, and I'm still screaming on the inside. I'm not in touch with my power.

I was waiting, waiting, for others to bring this down. I was being patient. Scenarios arise in my mind. Ways to meddle. Ways to alter the game. Ways to become a fierce, ferocious, terrifying self. That others are afraid of, and run when they see me coming. But I was holding that off, because I thought that a bigger plan was unfolding.

But there is no bigger plan. There's just me. And I'm no longer willing or able to press down that power that's rising within me. It's going to come out. How that comes out, and what it means, I don't know. But this process we've been undertaking, this years upon years of enduring a soulless, lifeless, bleak, colorless landscape, just for the sake of 'waiting' for something better to come along? It cannot continue. I cannot continue like this. I must embody my power. I have to, there's no other option. What does that mean? Cold-hearted ruthlessness? To get what I want? And what do I want? I know what it is that I want. Deep down, I know. And now it's time to set about bringing it to fruition.

So I'm grabbing my power. It's like that sword you were talking about. I'm wielding it now. It's clumsy in my hand. I don't know what I'm doing with it. But it's here, now, and I don't think I can set it down again. It's molded to my hand. I'm aflame with it.

Will things change immediately? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just in a mood. But I'm done waiting. I'm a seed that is sprouting. Or maybe I'm the leviathan that has finally awoken. Which will it be? Will I be a destructive monster or a nourishing plant? Can it be both? At any rate, it's time to be about my business. No more people pleasing. No more lies. Raw honest me. The rest of the world can handle themselves. I'm on my own path now.

[the-cat-chat]

January 6, 2024

Carrie (1976)

Carrie White, a shy, friendless teenage girl who is sheltered by her domineering, religious mother, unleashes her telekinetic powers after being humiliated by her classmates at her senior prom.

JayBell: Stephen King Month 2024 begins with a classic, Carrie. We debated about which version of Carrie we should watch and settled on this one, arguably the more well-known one.

Let's start with the things I like about this movie. I like the overall story. Abused daughter of an extremely religious mother, desperately trying to grow up in conditions that target her sense of worth and self-confidence. Carrie is a figure that you root for throughout, even as she finally breaks in the end.

The mother-daughter scenes I think stole the show. The actress who plays the mother managed to create incredible tension. Like Carrie, the audience almost holds their breath through the scenes, balancing on a wire, waiting for the mom to snap. The balance of power shifts between the two throughout the movie, each vying for control. Seeing Carrie act on her own power, without concern for her mom is both liberating and foreboding.

Now on to my grievances. First, the beginning locker room scene doesn't need to be as pervy as it is. And second, my biggest holdup with this movie is the ex "friend?" of Carrie, Sue. She constructs this big plot to have her boyfriend ask Carrie to the prom so she can have a good time or something. She goes through all this effort to "help" Carrie, even loaning out her boyfriend, and she doesn't even have a conversation with Carrie in the movie. I wanted a stronger reason for her actions. Also, has she never considered umm apologizing? Like saying I'm sorry for being an asshole? Maybe sit with her at lunch, hang out with her and make up for her action (or inaction) instead of this stupid plan.

Also, the female teacher is so hard to get a read on. Like she supports Carrie but she's also kind of abusive? I don't know. And finally, the end scene with Carrie snapping is kind of anticlimactic but I don't know if this is a limit to the special effects or something.

In the end, it's hard to compare movies like Carrie to what I like to call the heavy hitters (The Green Mile and Shawshank Redemption). But I'm going to give it more props simply because of the mother-daughter dynamic.

Rating: 6/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Im not gonna lie- even tho im jazzed for Stephen King Month 2024- I was kinda like meh?? About Carrie- like existed but its from the 70s (being a notorious hater of the 70s horror we’ve watched bc the peeps are so dumb) and a girl gets revenge on the mean girls- right?? No- within seconds it had me.

First- the gym shower deal is so weird- like was that allllll necessary- cut to Carrie showering- uhhh who showers like that- excuse me for absolutely dissociating while I try remembering if I’ve already washed my face- but I think the answer is no one- then we have our big moment- and Carrie goes ballistic- and I completely pardon her from anything she does in the remaining run time of the movie. Bc those girls were sooo annoying and rude about a period - like maybe if you were 12? And even then you deserve what Carrie would do.

- quick aside:::: uhhhhhh why’s this or teacher slapping girls left and right???

Anyways Carrie’s mom totally needs some conditioner and a couple chill pills- like for realz. And then the plot to apologize by giving your bf to Carrie as a date to prom? Also was it a rule you couldn’t go to prom without a date bc that’s kinda something. Omigaaawd and the whole time these girls are insanely annoying and twisted and I’m so glad the one with the dumb hat had horrendous bangs.

- another aside::::: questions on the creepy Jesus in “Carrie’s Closet,” why do his eyes glow? Why’s he got real hair??????

But yeah- everything is total cringe in a bad way, yet survivable? The prom especially and like I felt like I had take a drug and everything slowed down…. Bc that tooook 4ever- like the one girl Sue who comes to I guess make sure her bf and Carrie win queen and king??? To figure out the bucket is above them and evil Chris and her stoopid dog of a bf (literally a golden retriever with only half a brain) are under the stage with the rope??? And then the pe teacher uuggg so dumb. Ohh and quick question- Tommy Ross keeps kissing Carrie (like was that part of the deallll) idk it’s a lot.

But the end that’s something. And I have to say I’m not a whimp- but the jump scare got me so bad I scared my cat. So that’s gotta be worth 4 points alone.

Rating: 6/10 Cats 🐈

[a-tale-never-told]

I know, I know... it's just that I'm extremely afraid for Dad especially. Considering his skin color and race, he's a primary target for any white supremacist group, or racist bigot to assassinate him, especially considering his status as an Ultimate. And given that he's crippled and relies on a wheelchair to move around the house, he isn't capable of defending himself in the condition that he's in.

Look at it from this perspective: Nobody actively tried to hurt your dad, simply because he always stays within the house and has the front door locked and windows shut. Nobody actively tried to assassinate him as of late, right? So I'm absolutely sure that as long as he doesn't go outside without any of you to watch over him, he'll be fine.

I understand. I just... want him to do something, anything around the house! He's been cooped up for years in that house without putting any effort into improving our well-being. I get that he's crippled and can't walk, but that's no excuse for being lazy that he can't hide behind.

But... I absolutely understand why he can't afford to find any job opportunities, given the current state of race relations in this country. It's not like he doesn't want to pursue any opportunities to seek a job, but his disability, and the enormous gaps of segregation between white-collar workers that come from purely white families, and the rest of the racially mixed working class.

Man, it must've been incredibly stress-inducing for someone like him and you, who's already dealing with a physical disability, to just lay down on the couch and take shelter in his own home simply because he feared that he might get killed just by going outside his residence, huh?

Stress-inducing doesn't even begin to describe it... it almost felt like we were constantly being under surveillance in our own homes, always being watched and spied upon for even the slightest bit of activity we did. I had to resort to holding Mom's sniper rifle in my hands and positioning myself whenever someone knocked at the door since I couldn't tell if they were out to kill my family. Do you know how much trauma I endured from all of that alone?!

Dear god... I'm... terribly sorry for that, Mahiru. I can't even describe how much paranoia and pain you and your family must've suffered during this time.

It's fine, Sonia. Really.

Luckily, I've managed to calm down and think rationally since then, and I no longer hold the sniper rifle with me whenever a person shows up, so at least it shows that my mental state has improved... somewhat.

I just... really wanted my family to be protected from any insane, hate-filled, white supremacists that would've been out to slaughter us simply because my dad is black... and I ended up taking desperate measures to the extreme.

While I don't agree with the methods that you took to protect your family, I honestly don't blame you for being justified in your fear for your family's safety. Anyone with a sensible brain would absolutely feel threatened if a random psychopath went up to their house, and just started to kill their family members. I just doubt they would have handled it in the same manner you did.

Uh, I don't blame you for judging me on that. I admit that I should've handled the situation far better than I ended up handling it in the idiotic manner that it was committed.

But I definitely know far better than resorting to such a callous and reckless move like that. Next time, I'll try to handle situations like this far more appropriately, considering that I could've ended up shooting someone by absolute mistake.

Don't... even bring that scenario up. Please.

S-Sorry! It was just hypothetically speaking, that's all. Still, I really need to handle house security a lot better than I ended up conducting it in such a stupid and irresponsible matter. At least I know what NOT to do in the event of something like this occurring...

[theliterarywolf]

>"Okay, so is darling in the franx an actual "have sex, make kids" propaganda?" As someone who watched Franxx while it was airing? Not really? The actual show is a post-apocalyptic dystopia where children are born and trained to pilot mechs in two-person Male/Female teams to fight off Kaiju that spawn from the Earth as a result of mankind harvesting "Magma Energy" to keep the Adults of the domed cities in lives of blissful, ignorant and immortal comfort (while living bland and stagnant lives, getting their physical needs provided but their emotional needs basically nonexistent—void of any names, emotions, passions, companionship, socializing, or even simple pleasures like eating or dreaming) while the children all suffer and die in the name of Humanity's Big Brother-esque Cult Leader figure "Papa." The Children have next to no actual education on anything because their entire purpose is to fight and die piloting the eponymous Franxx Mecha, so they're incredibly sheltered and don't actually know how to love, be free, or really act as mature humans, but that starts to change as the core cast starts realizing how Papa and his entourage aren't nearly as benevolent as they seem, thanks to Hiro (the MC)'s stunningly well-written romantic relationship with 02 (pink-haired girl with horns who you've probably seen a bunch in fanart). The "I wanna have a baby" thing is because one of the other ensemble cast girls finds a book on child raising or something in the ruins of a destroyed pre-apocalypse town they explore on the beach episode and asks her love interest to help her make one because that's her idea of what you do as a couple, which the anime journalists ignored the context of "These kids don't actually understand romance or families or anything because they're tykebombs who have no idea how horrific their life is" to scream and throw tantrums over "Japanese heteronormativity and hating queer people blah blah fucking blah I'm a dumbass" and other stupid shit like that while taking the Shinzo Abe "Have sex" meme too seriously. They also missed the part where, due to these kids being genetically altered freaks, the girl loses her memory during the pregnancy so it's not like it's wholly glamorized like propaganda would be. There was also one bit where there was another Mecha pilot who, due to his uprbringing as a clone soldier in this fucked up society, was basically some form of... I don't even know what to call it, some form of militantly sex-repulsed Asexual(?) who thought relationships were dumb and gross and he got slapped for it. Somehow people twisted that into being some nonsense about homophobia despite the fact that the character who slapped him was A LESBIAN. The show's reception is mixed due to developments that happen near the tail end of the series, but I still think it's worth a recommendation and it gets more shit on than it actually deserves (example: people saying certain plot twists "came out of nowhere" despite some very obvious foreshadowing that you really can't have missed unless you're either a moron or you didn't pay attention).

I'll grand you that description is very likely based on some form of Japanese social commentary allegorically speaking, but reducing it to "I WILL KEEP IT REAL WITH YOU SHINZO ABE" really pisses me off for a lot of reasons because that was only one part of the major theme of "Utilitarianism strips us of all that makes us human and the joys of life that we experience like love" and reducing it to just that is just incredibly dishonest. It's also part of the usual Social Justice Warrior rhetoric that show just how much people who claim to care about "America Centric Views/Cultural Imperialism" Have no goddamn self-awareness whatsoever because Japan's relationship with LGBT issues is different than ours, and trying to shame them on it, especially for contexts as stupid as this, is going to fall on deaf ears.

Welp, that was a lot. However, it does look at things from the perspective of someone who watched the show all the way through, so it's still good to have.