#hes not trying to be dishonest but he struggles to talk about. you know

[luveline]

Ahh I’m so obsessed with stripper!reader and Spencer!! Do you have any more thoughts about them you’d be willing to share, maybe just a snippet of their life together? So so in love with them and your writing in general

i got a different request for them that I lost about reader struggling to afford essentials and so I thought I’d combine them, I hope that’s ok!! <;3 fem, 1.1k

cw food insecurity/ poverty 

You attempt to save money, but the ten dollars you don't spend on shampoo and conditioner gets used on painkillers. You hide fifty dollars in a book and try to forget about it, but your shoes split open on the walk to work, and it takes all afternoon to find it again. You try so hard to stretch your paycheck and something new makes it impossible. 

So it's a cold night in late December and you spent all your money for food on the gas bill. Your stomach hurts, but at least your nose isn't that horrible stiff cold that distracts. 

It's not just that your stomach hurts, though. You feel miserable about everything, and you know you need to ask someone for help. You've thought about selling something, but you already pawned your watch, and everything else is inconsequential. 

I could sell my phone… but how would I talk to Spencer? 

It's the stupidest thought you could've had. More importantly, how would you communicate with work? How would you call your electric and gas company, or talk to your landlord? 

Spencer would be so sad if he knew you’d sold your phone to pay for food. He’d probably be upset knowing you considered it. And you won’t get paid for another three days, so unless you can somehow live off of olives and cherries from the club bar, you have to ask Spencer for money or get a loan. With your credit score, one situation is more likely than the other. 

You bring your phone across the pillow and sigh before clicking on his contact. He’s practically the only number you call. 

“Hello?” you ask. 

“Hi, Y/N.” 

“Hello, handsome,” you murmur, staging an affect of someone who couldn’t be more unbothered by the world. 

“Yeah, hi. You okay?” 

You don’t want to butter him up. It feels dishonest. You should be straight forward. “Spencer. You know I hate asking you for things.” 

“Yes, it’s the only bad thing about you.” He sounds like he’s smiling. You can imagine him on his couch reading something obscure, or watching one of his sci-fi shows, curls in his eyes, grey pyjamas too short for him riding up his calves as they tend to do.

“But I need– um. I don’t have any money?” You don’t mean to phrase it like a question. “Like. Okay, so, I promise you I am not an irresponsible person, just, my gas bill went up and I didn’t know, but it’s so cold I paid it anyways, and now I have three dollars. Um. Total. And I haven’t eaten all day and I’m sorry I’m asking, but I just need like twenty dollars until I get paid on Tuesday. Could you let me borrow twenty dollars, please?” 

“Do you want to get takeout?” 

You cringe. “No, like, twenty dollars for groceries, Spence.” 

“No, I understood. That’s fine, I’ll happily give you twenty dollars. But you said you haven’t eaten today? And I miss you, so it’s an excuse?” Now he’s the one making questions out of statements. “I can get us Thai food.” 

Your stomach pangs at the thought. No matter how much you hate this, you know he loves you enough to want to bring you dinner, and you really will pay him back, so he might as well. “Yeah, please. I’d love to see you, Dr. Reid.”

“I’ll be quick,” he promises. 

He isn’t. You wonder if he’s forgotten you and your rumbling stomach, curled into a c-shape under the sheets. It’s warm, at least, nearly too warm, the blade of your hunger threatening to drive you mad. It’s not a nice feeling, depending on the kindness of a friend to see you through, nor is it very pleasant to be this hungry. You’ve gone hungry a hundred times, and this is the only time you’ve ever had someone you trusted enough to turn to during that time to ask for help. What if Spencer’s decided he isn’t comfortable with your lending after all and he doesn’t come over tonight? 

You’d been looking forward to seeing him again. It’s almost worse than the hunger. 

Just as you’re thinking he’s decided he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, he lets himself in. 

Your apartment is small, consisting of three rooms. The bedroom, the bathroom, and the living room kitchen combination. He lets himself into the living room with a cacophony of rustling and a called, “Hello!” followed soon by a muttered swear. 

You laugh under your breath.

“Are you coming out here, or do you want to eat dinner in bed?” he asks. 

“I haven’t decided yet.” 

It’s quiet enough besides his arrival that you’ve no need to shout.

“Well, stay there if you want. Have you been drinking anything? I brought iced tea and some stuff for you to have breakfast tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” You force yourself to sit up. One moment you’re looking at the closed door and the next you’re squinting against the light of the kitchen, Spencer in the doorway like a silhouette against it. “Hey, Spence. You’re taller than last time.” 

“I’m the same size as always.”

“You’re still wearing your shoes. That must be it.” 

Spencer takes off his shoes and crosses the short distance to you. “Hi,” he says, taking your hand as he sits down. His fingers are freezing. “Sorry I took a while.”

“Sorry for asking you for money.” 

“It’s okay. It’s not something to worry about. Everyone has to ask a favour sometime.” 

His hair is wind blown, his eyes watery. The cold weather has nipped his pert nose a rosy pink and he’s smiling at you with chapped lips, unaware of or uncaring about his own circumstances in the face of yours. “You okay?” he asks, his pretty brown eyes narrowing, eyebrows pinching together at the starts. “You can’t just not eat all day and not tell me.”

You nod tightly. It’s humiliating to be in this position. 

He softens. “Did they tell you the rate was rising? It’s illegal in Virginia–”

You take your hand from his. “They sent me a letter I didn’t open. I knew it would be bad news.” 

Spencer looks down at your knees. “I know that you’re used to doing things by yourself, but you don’t have to anymore.”

“‘Cos you look after me,” you say quietly. 

“I’m trying to.” 

You laugh and jog your joined hands to make him look up. “Okay. Look after me some more then and give me a hug. I’m too warm, and you’re freezing.” 

He hugs you tightly, quick to rub your shoulder blade with his thumb. “Stay here, okay? I’ll bring you a plate.” 

You cling to him for a few seconds, until hunger wins, and you send him off into the kitchen again. 

[emblazons]

"Dustin's non-conformist plot keeping him ideologically separate from his friends and Steve is something they just introduced in S4, idk why they would make him different than his OG self and then finally give him a plot related only to losing Eddie in S5" yeah...no.

Let's take a stroll through canon and talk about it.

forewarning: long / image heavy post

The lead up to Dustin hitting a "wall" about his non-conformity has worked its way into all the seasons leading up to this one in EXTREMELY clear ways, even outside of Eddie. Eddie is just the tipping point for that bent toward non-conformity traumatizing him.

Dustin was one of the FIRST of the party to experience a desire to conform, which we saw when he got to know Steve, and then tired to emulate him using Steve's hair spray & embracing his (toxic) ideology about girls—

—until he backed away from the "lie" of conformist confidence he was trying to project (post-rejection) & ended up encouraged by Nancy...and seeing how that upset the shallow girls even more.

We start S3 with that "lesson learned" and immediately end up with a Dustin who calls people out on their bullshit in S3 and S4 when they were behaving like 'conformists' in regards to their romantic relationships + is true to himself in romance and his interests—

—who then in Season 4 finds a specific kind of kinship with Eddie in particular, because he embraced the "non-conformity" in a way none of his friends had on the same level (including Mike in his own way).

Dustin found kinship with Eddie not just because he looked up to him, but because he reflected back his own personality. They bonded over something Dustin had already learned for himself (that behaving in a way that is dishonest to your true self is not how you should go about your life) and held to it even to the point of challenging his best friends—

—only to immediately lose him and that kinship in the most brutal way possible, when Eddie finds out about the supernatural shit that has been haunting him in secret and helps him fight it....only to then die right in front of his eyes.

Like. Let's be so honest with ourselves. As brutal as him losing Steve (king of high school, struggling EVEN NOW because he doesn't know how to be his authentic self) would be...it would not have even a modicum of the same effect on him given his current self-perception. It would hurt, lets be clear...but it's not tied to his own sense of identity the way Eddie had become, and we even see it in how Dustin regularly calls Steve's mindset and his behaviors foolish throughout S3-S4.

The loss of Eddie ties into Dustin's sense of himself in a way that has been building up for 3/4 of the seasons we've had so far—and him being left with Eddie's last words to continue that non-conformity as the impetus for him feeling isolated from his remaining friends while being haunted by Vecna makes perfect sense narratively if you think about Dustin as a character on his own.

just...you know. Some food for thought lmao

[skylarbee]

alex/milex and 'a singer must die'

this song from Leonard Cohen is Alex through and through, especially the fact that he uses.... body paint, instead of showing the public his real self. of course, it also reminded me heavily of milex. i will explain in this stupidly long post:

the song is about people who criticise Leonard and his songs, but also his lovers:

"This song is for my critics and for my judges and for those who give marks to us everywhere, who evaluate our performance whether it is in the courtroom or the cloakroom or the bedroom. This is for the judges." -> we also know someone who is severely criticised by the media, right?

the songs starts with:

Now the courtroom is quiet, but who will confess? Is it true you betrayed us? The answer is Yes

-> many British people, the 'judges' are bashing Alex for 'forgetting where he comes from' and not being proud anymore of his hometown. they think he's betrayed his people (who he once made proud with his debut album) by 'pretending to be American'

// Miles and Alex have never been official, but even if they are seeing each other, they are more often than not in relationships with other people. betrayal is inevitable and constant, and the confessions before it certainly don't come easily (a betrayal, maybe the biggest yet, happened in 2018?)

Then read me the list of the crimes that are mine I will ask for the mercy that you love to decline

-> these judges love to list the reasons why they think ill of him ('putting on a fake American accent', 'pretending to be Elvis', moving to America, etc.), and it seems like they will never get over the fact that he's changed since 2006

// during that presumably awful time for them, they both could've messed up and made mistakes - and for a while, maybe one of them couldn't forgive the other for some time. or simply, one of them asked for love again and again; the other refused and wanted to just stay friends.

And all the ladies go moist and the judge has no choice A singer must die for the lie in his voice

-> but despite the criticism, in 2013, thousands upon thousands of women went crazy for the way he sang and moved; but this didn't matter for the judges - he was still the person who was attacked and who they wanted gone, and he knew it. and as everyone knows, he sings these words in one point perspective: I suppose a singer must die

// all those love songs that Alex writes, or at least some parts of them could be about Miles - but it's no use, he always throws in a 'she', and all the ladies go crazy for the songs and the singer - so what is there to do except be ashamed in front of his real muse and himself: For a master of deception and subterfuge/ You've made yourself quite the bed to lie in/ Do your time travelling through the tanning booth/ So you don't let the sun catch you crying (There'd Better Be A Mirrorball)

And I thank you, I thank you for doing your duty You keepers of truth, you guardians of beauty Your vision is right, my vision is wrong I'm sorry for smudging the air with my song

-> rather sarcastically, in Sculptures of Anything Goes, Alex also writes about knowing that the judges think his newer music is bad: Is that vague sense of longing kinda trying to cause a scene?/ Guess I'm talking to you now/ Puncturing your bubble of relatability/ With your horrible new sound/ Baby, those mixed messages ain't what they used to be/ When you said 'em out loud

// even if things aren't always right, Alex might know and is grateful for the fact that miles is there to snap him out of anything he's struggling with or to call him out when he's being dishonest; and perhaps he's ashamed for the lies he sells to the judges with his songs

Oh, the night it is thick, my defenses are hid In the clothes of a woman I would like to forgive In the rings of her silk, in the hinge of her thighs Where I have to go begging in beauty's disguise Oh, goodnight, goodnight, my night after night My night after night after night after night after night

-> despite all this, Alex continues to write and sing about what has always been the main subject of his songs: relationships and women. being in love can make you act reckless and not care about anything else: And all my pals will tell me is that I'm crazy/ You bet I'm loopy, alright/ And I just don't recognise this fool that you have made me (Sweet Dreams, TN). it could be that Alex doesn't find himself to be that attractive, as he once jokingly mentioned that his nose is too big; hence 'beauty's disguise'

// Alex doesn't have to defend himself in the arms of a woman - he goes there to escape and delay facing the painful truth, the real him, goes there because it brings less consequences than going to him. he goes to these women often... or maybe he's saying goodnight to someone else, someone who is equally his 'night after night', but only in thoughts (or maybe in secret)? I stare up to the moon/ And my lonely heart goes boom boom boom/ Once again, yeah - anyone? (One Man Band)

I am so afraid that I listen to you Your sun glass protectors they do that to you It's their ways to detain, their ways to disgrace Their knee in your balls and their fist in your face

-> another thing that funnily enough, Alex is criticised a lot for, is him wearing sunglasses everywhere; which could be another way of him hiding who he truly is, feeling safer behind a pair of sunglasses. it can also make him braver, knowing that people can't look him straight in the eyes - like this, he might dare to face the judges. but at the same time, it's these sunglasses that he gets bashed for - they're not that useful after all

// whether it's literally sunglasses or body paint - they're a way for him to protect himself, but also a way to hurt himself even more: while he's avoiding the pain of looking the truth in the face, he's facing the pain of having to hide his true feelings and what his heart truly desires

and let me not even start on the song that follows this one, I Tried To Leave You (Is This What You Wanted is from here too, which TLSP gorgeously covered). i don't have to say anything more, do i?

I tried to leave you, I don't deny I closed the book on us at least a hundred times I'd wake up every morning by your side

The years go by, you lose your pride The baby's crying, so you do not go outside And all your work it's right before your eyes

Goodnight, my darling, I hope you're satisfied The bed is kind of narrow, but my arms are open wide And here's a man still working for your smile

[kobiiioo]

a reason why i think hobie likes to mess around lihan

wARNING THAT

EVERYTHING IM YAPPING ABOUT IS ALL HEADCANON !! PLEASE DONT COME FOR ME 😞

Thinking about hanpunk, the main reason Hobie genuinely takes interest into knowing Lihan has nothing to do with things like “love at first sight” or with her being “different” and “mysterious” or with him just being sociable and whatsoever.

To be reaaally honest, lihan is such a ordinary girl (imo). She has pretty much of a blank personality, adapting different personalities depending the environment, just like a chameleon.

She’s naturally a very quiet and cautious person but her struggle to express herself does affect her in many ways;

She doesn’t engage, she doesn’t talk about her opinion, she prefers to listen and follow orders (unlike Hobie) and she never complains. She likes to observe things and simply do as what people say. You can say she’s very selfless in some way.

In simple words; she’s a wallflower (idk why it took me sm time to find this word in my head)

But then what makes Hobie “see” her ?

This might be kind of ridiculous/weird to say but

He likes to see her vulnerable.

Ik what you’re thinking like huh ?? 😨 bUT HEAR ME OUT !! BECAUSE I DON’T MEAN IT IN THE WEIRD WAY AT ALL ?!?! by vulnerable I mean as in when she breaks from her persona and showing emotions.

As I’ve alrd explained on my other posts, lihan is really like- she can seem very rude, reckless and apathetic imo bc she’s just extremely used to enduring her emotions and keeping a cold facade so she doesn’t get emotional in general but also during important situations because deep down she’s extremely like EXTREMELY fragile.

That doesn’t mean she’s a cry baby but she’s very empathetic if you get to know her more; she’s just an expert at pretending and has lot of self control (she’s sooo dishonest and untruthful to herself and others).

And it’s funny because the only person that’s smh able to break that facade is Hobie.

He finds it amusing that he’s the only one capable to do it and so easily too. It’s so interesting and surprising to see how easily she can break that facade simply by teasing her and getting on her nerves.

Talking to him or just interacting with him in general feels like she’s getting exposed or and since Hobie is the only person Lihan can’t beat, that pisses her off SO MUCH.

So yeah, basically,

It’s the fact that she’s not so different than what others think of her that made him even more attracted to her. And despite her seeming ordinary and being a wallflower, he sees something that not much people see immediately in her.

I feel like Hobie is extreeeemely attentive and perceptive. He’d basically know any secrets and gossip going around HQ because he just sees and hears EVERYTHING. And ofc my man is good at keeping secrets so he just stays quiet 🤭

And while others can be clueless about it and Lihan just hides well among a huge group of people, Hobie sees her. And he notices the things she never knew he noticed (this specific quote on slide 10);

He’d sometimes notice her trying to start a conversation with other spider people and trying to get along with them, helping new recruits to get used to the environment and giving them advices while still being very reserved and restrained,

listening to people carefully and giving them life advices, acts of service without anyone noticing she did for them and gifting people things she simply noticed or that reminded her of the person (the christmas comic ☹️)

Like tbh, he at first thought she was kinda like Miguel, as in her seeming emotionless and just hella cold and restricted almost acting like a robot or sum

But seeing her being more compassionate and simply being human and being so caring was what made him actually go like “damn.. that’s new ?”

Ykwim right ? No ? Alright 😔

I love them so much I HATE MYSELF FOR MAKING THEM GO THROUGH THIS 💔

[ikamigami]

Why people are scared that Moon killed himself in Hunger Games? 😭

Like Sun also did that but people were laughing at it.. but now it's apparently something to be concerned about?

It's either that both are concerning or neither is..

This fandom is full of hypocrites..

Like I get it that now Moon is in poor mental state and may end up being harmed because of his own reckless actions.. he doesn't seem to care about whether he'll die or not.. it is clear sign of being suicidal.

But I think that it'd be dishonest and a little bit unfair if they'll address Moon being suicidal when they couldn't do that with Sun when he was suicidal..

It doesn't feel right especially with how they treated fans with "Sun has a child" episode.. cause there's nothing wrong with being concerned about whether someone is suicidal or not..

And that's why what they did was wrong because it truly seemed as if they were trying to shame people who talk about suicide.. when it's not wrong.. we shouldn't treat suicide as a taboo because it sadly is also a huge cause of why people don't open up about being suicidal..

There were plenty of other wrong things in that stupid episode.. cause most people would just simply ask if a person thinks about killing themselves or just dying or if they're suicidal.. like there's nothing wrong with that..

I get that Miku is Miku.. but I think that they're mad at a boogieman.

I'm sorry but I think that they confused themselves.. cause I think that people who were concerned about Sun are not the same people who want Sun to die solely because they hate him..

Also I think that there's nothing wrong with people who like angst cause this show is made for these type of fans cause this is almost neverending angst.. so I don't see a point of getting mad at people who want more angst of their favs - every other character has such fans but no one says anything about it..

Why I also think that they're mad at a boogieman cause where are these folks who are forcing Sun being suicidal? I only heard about someone sending death threats to VAs because of Solar's death.. I didn't hear about anything else..

And let's be real someone saying something on their blog isn't forcing anything on anyone.. cause if it was like that then fandoms just shouldn't exist.. cause everyone interpret media differently, everyone engage in media differently but no one calls it forcing anything to be canon..

I saw plenty of examples of forcing something to be canon. I saw many cases were fans were sending death threats to authors because they either didn't like what was in canon or they wanted something to be in canon - anime and manga fandoms..

And well.. I never did anything like that..

If author doesn't like something he doesn't have to make it canon.. like it's this author's story and I find it childish when authors are getting mad at fans who didn't do anything wrong..

If they simply explained that these fans did that horrible thing hence why they addressed this issue.. it'd be okay.. but if they did that solely because someone was spreading lies then that's not okay..

I only we'll accept them addressing suicide topic if they'll address that Sun was also suicidal.. like they can make Sun talk about it with Moon or something like that.. idk just let Sun say "I was in the same situation so I know how you feel".. if this is what they'll go for if they decide to address such topic ofc then I'll be okay with that..

Because I think that's not fair to brush off struggles of one of main characters but focus on struggles of another main character.. cause why not treat both mcs fairly?

I think that I'm not asking for too much.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Asking seriously...does Roger get the kind of hate that Brian gets for cheating? Every picture of Chrissie has someone pissing and moaning about how Brian cheated...like he was the only guy in the group who stepped out on his wife. We know that Roger did as well, and if I'm not mistaken, John also strayed down that path. It's like there's some contractual obligation to add "...but Brian cheated," to any picture of Chrissie that's posted. Then again, people love hating on Brian for merely breathing, so i don't know why I'm continually surprised at this. Fandom will fandom.

Sorry for treating your inbox as a fandom confessional, but you are remarkably level-headed and I appreciate that on a molecular level.

Lol ohhhh boy, anon.

So I'm going to try to answer this quickly because I'm about to go to bed and I have work in the morning: on the one hand, I understand the focus on Brian's cheating because 1.) it was a recurring theme in his music 2.) his affair with another public figure generated countless tabloid articles, so the British press began talking about his cheating long before the fandom did, and the other band members weren't cheating on their partners with other public figures who the tabloids could make money on (I know Debbie was technically a public figure, but she was a nobody compared to Anita in terms of fame in the 80s) 3.) Brian has also been the most open about this in interviews while the others have not been. When we have several quotes from Brian over the years on his failures as a husband, struggles with love, and how much his divorce wrecked him, I think it's natural for the fandom to talk about it, since his divorce played such a huge part in the content of his solo work and he's given us more information to absorb than Roger and Freddie about their relationships and John about his marriage. We know Brian's guilt and depression over his divorce affected him for a very long time as a person because he's told us, but we don't know how Freddie, Roger, or John really felt about that side of their lifestyle.

With that said, yes, people do act like he was the only one who cheated and it's just dishonest. Because Brian has been the most honest about it, I think he's opened himself up to the most criticism. He's an easy punching bag because he told us he fucked up, as opposed to the others. The other guys were under no obligation to tell the public about their relationships, mind you, I just think that despite him wanting to have his cake and eat it, too, it all ate away at Brian enough that he had to talk about it in his work over the years, and then everything was brought into the spotlight without his wishes with the British tabloids. With Roger and John, there's sort of plausible deniability upon first glance because we don't have anything straight up confirming their cheating, but it just takes, like, reading and putting pieces together to know they did lol. Like, we have Roger on video low-key bragging about going to dinner with a woman who took out her tits in front of him while he was in a relationship with the mother of his child lol, and interviews of him talking about strippers and saying there was a lot of sex in Munich (there's also a tabloid article from like 1988 that claims to have quotes from Dominique being shocked Roger left her, and quotes from Roger saying that he couldn't say much without people getting hurt, but I don't know how legitimate the article is simply because there are many suspect Queen tabloid articles from the era). But I've seen Roger stans in particular flip out at the mere suggestion that he cheated and demand evidence, as if his own words about strippers and lots of Munich sex aren’t enough lol

Perhaps with Roger and John, people can close their eyes to their cheating because of the lack of information and act like they didn't hurt their partners, too, but Brian has forced us to confront that he is a flawed person who was a bad husband the first time around, and people hate that he's made them aware of his sins and that he's not the perfect, stan-able angel they want him to be, so they're pissed and always have to add "but cheeeeat" on every picture of Chrissy (I just personally don't reblog pics of Chrissy because I think that whole situation was sad, you know what I mean? It sucks when a marriage ends so painfully, but no one ever adds the same caveat to pics of Roger and Dominique).

(Thanks for the compliment, btw!)

[lostthistime]

♞𝑫𝑰𝑶𝑵 𝑹𝑰𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑺♞

“In the name of the warrior, I charge you to be with brave. In the name of the father, I charge you to be just. In the name of the mother, I charge you to defend the innocent. Arise, Dion of the Riverlands, a knight of the Seven kingdoms,”

𝑩𝑶𝑹𝑵: 𝑨𝑷𝑹𝑰𝑳 30𝑻𝑯, 94 𝑨.𝑪

𝑨𝑭𝑭𝑰𝑳𝑰𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵: TEAM BLACK

𝑻𝑰𝑻𝑳𝑬𝑺: KNIGHT OF WESTEROS, MEMBER OF THE KINGS GUARD, SWORN PROTECTOR OF PRINCESS DAENYRA TARGARYEN, COMMANDER OF THE QUEENS GUARD

Born as a bastard in the Riverlands, Dion has always had to struggle to survive. His parents were a disaster growing up, an abusive mother with a drinking problem and a father who shines for his absence. His main priority has always been keeping his little brother alive, and because of that he's had to learn various ways of earning a living. Most of them, dishonest. He picked up various skills on the streets : ranging from barehanded and sword fighting, to pickpocketing and stealing, to flattery and of course lying.

Dion’s had to take many odd jobs throughout his life. He’s guarded places and sometimes even people, he’s cleaned and worked brothels, he’s stolen and even killed for gold. Dion had done plenty of dishonorable things to stay alive. One day when his brother Corvin awakens with a nasty fever, Dion is forced to travel with him to King’s Landing in search of treatment. While Dion is in the city trying to find a way to save his brother, he meets Princess Daenyra Targaryen and thinks that she is his only option to obtain enough money for his brother. In a desperate attempt to save his brother, Dion tries to kidnap the young princess for ransom but is quite shocked to discover that she is no damsel in distress. Dion quickly realizes that his life is in the hands of the Princess who isn’t known for her mercy so he explains his situation and by some miracle, she actually helps him.

Amused by his charm and impressed by his fighting, the Princess decides to spare Dion and pay for the treatment for his brother. She decides to offer him the chance to become her personal knight despite the various warnings of Otto Hightower and Lord Lannister, and actually she takes him in. Quickly both of them become two sides of the same coin, familiarizing themselves with one another and the former mercenary vows to protect the Princess with his life.

The Princess and her sworn sword, always being around one another developed quite the relationship. One that stirred rumors wherever the two went. From their midnight strolls together that the maids swore ended with them both between the sheets, to their morning training where they were a little too close. The two always seemed to find themselves attached at the hip. Many rumors spread throughout the kingdom about the “Orphan Princess” and her “rescue” Knight, but there was no one brave enough to say so to King Viserys. Young Dion quickly rose through the ranks of the Kings guard thanks to his talent and keen intellect. Many others were envious of his rise despite his lack of birthright, and deemed it due to the Princess’ favor. But he still manages to become one of the most important and best knights in Westeros.

♘♕♘

“You know, I think this is the first time you and I have gone this long without speaking. If you’re upset at me you should just kick my ass like you’re use to Princess, if you keep giving me the silent treatment I’ll be forced to start flirting with the maids for fun.”

“Do you think that she snuck off with someone? There is no way she wou-, oh gods where is my fucking horse? She is probably halfway through the fucking woods. PRINCESS I’M COMING,”

“Ser Westerling warned me about you, the ‘honorable’ knight who can’t keep a single vow. Sad isn’t it? I’ll give you a warning of my own, if you keep talking about Princess Daenyra I’ll give you that honorable death you keep seeking. Dying for the sake of the crown, a nice toast at your funeral. You can’t hide behind the Queen’s skirts in here.”

“I don’t think you understand how vital you have become to me. You are the very reason I fucking exist, I think of you before I think of anything else. I haven’t met a single woman on earth that has stripped me as bare as you have, you have brought me down to my very soul. I don’t even have the luxury of admitting this to you without risking my life, but yet I cannot help but do so. I have been fighting for life ever since it was given to me, and yet I have never fought harder then when I fight for you. I am so in love with you that I’ve come to terms with the fact it will kill me.”

[in-the-whisper]

I’ve kind of thought this for a whole year but I haven’t been able to talk about it because I was scared of admitting that I’m not sure about something in the face of a world of people who seem to be so sure about everything. But I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve realized it isn’t just me and I’m finally ready to defend it.

There is no perfect truth. There is no knowable, findable truth, no way of proving, no certainty, no guidebook on existing. There is no concrete material love, there is no justice, there is no findable law that is complete and written on golden tablets for us to discover left behind by the gods. At some point every single person is found with absolutely nothing, because there is, at the end of the search, and the end of suffering, at the end of reaching out trying to grasp the universe, there is nothing to be found. There is no perfect truth.

When you are completely in the dark, when you are alone, when you have been stripped of the ability to blindly have confidence in your mind and your sense to divine the reality of the divine, everyone is left with a decision. What do you choose?

I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone, at least everyone who is alive, chooses to believe. And they choose to hope.

There is no exception to this that I am aware of at this moment. Atheist philosophers choose to believe in themself, they choose to believe in humanity. In the face of the inability to find some law above nature, some universally binding law that explains in completion right from wrong, atheists still choose to believe that kindness is better than cruelty, that there is love, and they choose to place their hope in humankind. 

G.K. Chesterton chose to place his hope in God. He chose, when presented with different possible realities, to choose the reality that was beautiful. He chose the reality that allowed him to say thank you. He chose the belief that seemed to be correct, that seemed to be beautiful, that seemed to explain the oddities of the world, the oddities of life, and that seemed to allow for both the unrelenting just and the unrelenting merciful. But he didn’t know. He believed.

C.S. Lewis chose to believe in the fairy tale. He chose to believe in beauty, he chose to believe that if there is a fairy tale as beautiful as christianity that he would like to believe in it. He chose that the world of Christianity seems to be more complete, it seems to be more beautiful, then even if it is wrong it is worth believing in. If there is no God it is worth it to live as much like a Christian as possible because life is better when you are pretending than when you are living in the real world.

My decision to choose Christianity is not intellectual dishonesty, or at least, it is not any more intellectually dishonest than any other person.

I was worried that if I wasn’t willing to let go of God when provided with an impossible conundrum then I would never find truth. And tragically, heartbreakingly, it turns out there is no perfect truth to discover. It is not handed to us in Christianity, or Buddhism, or Hinduism, or Islam, or Atheism, or anywhere or in anything. There is no truth to be grasped. The universe will not fit in my hands.

So what next? Do I just give up? Do I lie down and die? Do I stop believing in justice, in kindness, do I stop believing in the weight of grief hanging over all living creation, do I stop hoping to be rescued? Do I stop loving God? Do I give up?

I can’t. Maybe it is not true, maybe it isn’t provable, maybe it isn’t knowable. But it is necessary.

To be human is to hope. It is to choose life. It is to believe. Where else can I go? Where else can I go? What else can I do but believe, to romanticize life, to be sure of what I hope for and certain of what I cannot see?

I choose to believe. I choose to struggle. I choose to hope.

I choose Jesus because I love him. I choose him because I love the philosophy his religion has produced, I choose him because for some reason he allows me to grieve, to mourn, to have hope, to be held and loved and cherished. I choose him because for some reason, the people who believe in him have loved me. They have held me and known me and even if he isn’t real his idea has inspired kindness I will never forget. If God is real I saw him in their eyes, and I heard him in the tenderness of animals, and I heard him in the whisper. I choose to love him.

I want to know but there is no knowing and there never will be, not for me or for anyone. There is only hope. And I hope.

[imprvdente]

𝐌𝐘𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐓 & 𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 @governmentofficial​ from: ❝You know the old saying, never bring a knife to a sword fight. Unless it’s concealed.❞

"Don't carry concealed knives, Fish. You could be accused of all sorts of terrible things if you were caught."

Though Mycroft delivered his words with his typical uninterested apathy, they did come from what was partly a place of concern. Presidential favourite or not, if evidence could be found to prove that she was carrying a concealed weapon... Well, it was incredibly hard to prove a negative, was it not? Even she would struggle to escape accusations of malicious intent.

It would be a terrible thing for Fish to get into such trouble. Mycroft had already put far too much effort into training her for such a thing to happen. That, and the blow to his reputation would be utterly disastrous.

"And don't carry a visible weapon either," he then quickly added, just to ensure that Fish did not get any ideas about that either. "Don't do anything that could trigger alarm bells to those inevitably watching you."

She paused for a moment, a little frown gracing her features. The thing was, she wasn’t talking literally. It was just a little joke she had made, because it felt à-propos. But she was not about to say that to Mr. Holmes, and risk vexing him.

The other problem was that, obviously, he was correct. She did sometimes carry weapons. Not in her daily life of course, she knew better than to give the hyenas of the Capitol reason to try and bite her. But the President had entrusted her with carrying some of his personal vendettas, which meant she had to sometimes slice through the competition (literally). The enemies of the government often ended up served for dinner. President Snow was of course always invited.

But this was also not something she could openly share with Mr. Holmes. Surely he already knew, but it was not her place to share the secrets of the President with anyone. 

Fish Lecter was stuck. She could not reply sincerely to his comments and advice, and she could not exactly listen to them either. As the President’s little assassin, she had his blessing to carry a weapon when needed, but she never overstepped this boundary. So, she supposed it wasn’t too dishonest to reassure her mentor.

“Of course Mr. Holmes,” she assured him politely, "I would hate to give anyone any reason to distrust me.”

[space-city-traffic]

If you're taking more questions I'm very happy to keep asking :3 I love the sound of all these characters, I want to know everything about them. Anyway Byron: 10, 19, 27, Bellamy: 57, 59, 65, Silas: 14, 33, 68

i will happily take more questions!! answers are under the cut again for convenience. :D

10: how often do they lie? what situations cause them to be dishonest? oh, Byron lies All The Fucking Time. he likes to pretend to be just a normal tavern keeper, but he’s secretly a warlock who has to sacrifice people every new moon to stay alive, and so he sacrifices those who are hurting other in order to try to protect those who need it and justify his own continued existence that comes at the expense of others’ suffering……. yeah you can imagine there are a LOT of situations where I had to roll deception lol. the party didn’t even know he had magic, much less that he was a warlock, until several sessions in. wild times.

19: what haunts them? what doesn't? for Byron, it’s every time he fails to save or protect someone. especially the time he failed his little brother. he’s also quite literally haunted by noneuclidean horrors sent by a cthulu of chains, so. yeah he doesn’t sleep. what doesn’t haunt him… honestly great question. I think there are quite a few kills he’s made that don’t haunt him at all. men who took advantage of vulnerable people in Byron’s own tavern, those who dehumanized others, parents who hurt their children… yeah there are some folks he does not regret killing at all.

27: how do they mourn? on Sai, where Byron is originally from, every month is named after a god, and the month you’re born in is the god you’re sacred to. Byron’s little brother was born in the month of the moon. and while Byron isn’t religious at all, he keeps a candle to the moon burning somewhere in his tavern at all times. because to him, his brother is more sacred than all the gods.

57: what makes them angry? augh so much. Bellamy really struggles with his temper, he’s impulsive, he’s a fighter, he throws himself into life fists first. he’s getting better, but a sure fire way to set him off is always to threaten or shit talk his friends.

59: what is a quiet passion of theirs? Bellamy loves plants and flowers. he taught himself druidcraft, and he loves to make things grow.

65: what is holding them back? yknow, Bellamy needs to forgive himself for being him. he knows he’s too much, he knows his impulsiveness does nothing but cause problems, he was sent to Strixhaven in the hopes that college would fix him… but he really needs to accept that he has those flaws and let his guard down and be okay with people seeing him and supporting him. because as is, he goes out of his way to hide things from people and sacrifice himself, and it’s stifling him and doing nobody any good. he needs to accept that he’s fundamentally a teenager, and that’s going to mean being clumsy and making mistakes, and that’s okay, that’s normal. so I guess his perfectionism is what’s holding him back in the end.

14: what is something they love about themself? hm. love is a strong word. but Silas highly values his own dedication, his strength, his dogged determination, his investigative capabilities… everything that makes him useful and effective.

33: what makes them cry? loneliness. silently at night into his pillow.

(also this hasn’t happened yet, but my friend playing Thespa has said that next time Silas is threatened in combat, Thespa’s gonna yell “Stay away from my kid!!” which. oh my god Silas will so cry. because he’s not used to people protecting him—because Thespa’s the one he’s been sent on a holy mission to betray and destroy—he’s gonna CRY from the mixed up intensity of it all. and my friend doesn’t KNOW silas is gonna betray thespa and I’m gonna SCREAM if i can’t TELL anybody SOON oh my GOD)

68: what was the best moment of their life? Silas used to just be a kid on the streets. but one day, he came across a monster his mind couldn’t even begin to comprehend, and he jumped in to help a stranger slay it without a second thought. and after the battle, that stranger took his hood off and offered the now bloodstained child Silas a job. a purpose. a mission. a place to belong. that stranger became his handler, and Silas became an angel sent into the myriad planes of this world for a reason. that was the best moment of his life.

thank you for enabling my blorbo posting!!!! i love my ttrpg boys!!!!

68: what was the best moment of their life? Silas used to just be a kid on the streets. but one day, he came across a monster his mind couldn’t even begin to comprehend, and he jumped in to help a stranger slay it without a second thought. and after the battle, that stranger took his hood off and offered the now bloodstained child Silas a job. a purpose. a mission. a place to belong. that stranger became his handler, and Silas became an angel sent into the myriad planes of this world for a reason. that was the best moment of his life.

thank you so much for enabling my blorbo posting omg I have so many feelings about my dnd boysssssssssss

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 17.8.24

Dream 1: I was about to do an exam. Time in this dream seemed to flow as with waking life, so it's like I was actually there going through this. I walked into the hall to find a seat. It was communal tables where people sat in groups instead of the usual exam conditions where you have individual desks. Most of the tables were full and I approached a table where a guy (but don't know irl) was sitting that I had some history with, but didn't like. I think he make a few jabs at me and I tried to sit as far away from him as possible. Somehow I had notice of what the exam question was going to be and so I had prepared an essay in advance and memorised it. I knew this was the only way to pass since I am terrible at thinking on the spot. I looked inside my pencil case deciding on what writing utensil to use. I had a mechanical pencil and lead refills which weren't in a case, just lying at the bottom. The lead was thicker than usual. I though it would be a good idea to use a pencil since I'd be able to erase things but I was still undecided. I asked the girl next to me, Should I use a pencil or pen? She was like, When have you ever needed to erase anything, just use a pen. I think she was trying to say that I'm a senior student who has been doing exams for awhile and should know what's up by now. I took her advice. But then the pen turned into a flat type of rock and when I looked around everyone was writing their essays with this rock and it was normal.

I was trying to remember my pre-written essay to write it down but I couldn’t. It didn't help having all these people in close proximity, which was distracting and there was just random noise happening like people talking and stuff. I couldn't remember any of it. I tried to think of things to write on the spot but I just couldn't at all. I got so frustrated that I burst out loud telling everyone to shut up and they did. But it didn't help, my memory was shot and so was any creativity. I ended up writing some stuff but I knew that none of it made any sense. I had no idea what I was saying. I didn't even re-read what I was writing because I knew it'd make my anxiety worse knowing it was not good. I knew the essay I'd pre-written was so much better. A bunch of time passed and I'd almost written a page. I think the duration of this exam was 1.5 hours, around that. Then I realised that the essay I'd prepared was right there, slotted into my exercise book. If only I could just take a peek, just to jog my memory but there was no way I would be able to do it without getting caught. The teacher even came by and reprimanded me for using the exercise book to write in in the first place. I should have used a loose page. He said, There’s all sorts of things in there that would be helping you out. He didn't know I had the essay in there but he was talking about notes from classes. He wasn't happy but he said, Give me two 25 word paragraphs and you’re done. I said, Ok.

I'd still barely completed a page and it was terrible. I was writing a new paragraph now trying to a expand on a new point which I had mentioned at the start. I realised I had hardly addressed any of things I said I would in my intro. In the intro I made mention of 5-6 things to discuss. I just kept thinking about how my sentences were so disjointed and my handwriting looked so weird, like a child's scrawl. Even the chick next to mentioned it when she looked over. I said my handwriting changes sometimes especially when I’m stressed. This feeling came over me, like I was cheating but not in the typical dishonest sense. It just did not feel like 'me' doing this exam, it's like I was cheating myself. My mental faculties were just not there and it's like I'd anticipated this happening.

(This is basically what happens to me irl, but exaggerated to bring the point across. I've always struggled with 3D when other people didn't)

Scene 1: A bunch of travel medicines, was it for me? Yeah I guess I was going away. I saw doxy (malaria prevention). wasn’t sure I needed them but took them.

Scene 2: "An active mountain is moving closer to your house"

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

Depressed Hero :D

I usually think that Hero is still quite depressed even after everything (especially after good ending) but instead just bottles it up or puts up a facade!! I like your blog a lot since I share a lot of opinions and other Hero related things with you! (Except I put him with Bowen after good ending but ehhh)

Of course, I'm pretty sure Hero is a bad liar, so he's still noticeably closed off and more reserved, but he tries his best to at focusing on the group and keeping himself out of the spotlight!!

(Srry for the rant eheh ;♡;)

Hello there! Thank you so much for your ask and for sharing your lovely art with us! 💖 Poor depressed Hero 🥺💙 but a lovely drawing of him as always!!

Thank you also for the Hero discussion! Please don't ever feel like you have to apologize for ranting to us about Hero. We love to talk about him! (Thus the blog 😅😂).

It's always nice to hear that people like our blog and our portrayals and interpretations of Hero as characters, but it's also refreshing to know that people don't always agree with us on everything. Truthfully, even us mods disagree amongst ourselves on certain headcanons and interpretations of the characters sometimes (even Hero😅). One of the best parts of being in a fandom is getting to experience these different interpretations of the same characters that we all know and love, and so we always try to be very respectful of that. [Like we stated on pinned welcome post, not having Hero x Canon Character pairings here besides HeroMari and Hero x Brandi is really just a personal boundary for us related to character age since Hero is canonically a legal adult (This is especially important to us since, as we have also always stated in our welcome post, both of us mods are legal adults ourselves). We know that Mari and Brandi are both canonically Hero's age so we feel personally comfortable with those pairings, but when a character has an ambiguous age, we just personally don't feel comfortable entertaining any ships between them and Hero because he is canonically an adult and we don't know for sure how old that other character is. We have a lot of respect for people's right to ship what they want, and we know a lot of those NPCs could in fact be Hero's age but since we don't know for sure, we just don't feel comfortable with that. And as this is our blog, we do limit the ships here to fit our personal boundaries so we thank you for respecting that as well].

Anyways, onto your discussion points, we really agree with what you've said here about Hero struggling to express his feelings and bottling them up because he doesn't want to be in the spotlight or to be a burden on anyone. Hero has gone through a lot in his life, and it has left him with deep-seated internal pain that he can never really bring himself to express even to the people who love him. I (Acacia) was recently telling a friend of mine that Hero is like one of those fireproof lockboxes—you have to pry him open to get anything deep or vulnerable and especially to get his 100% honest opinion. He is always genuine and is far too sincere to be able to outright lie, but he will sugarcoat like no other and skirt around what he really feels and thinks because he doesn’t want to upset and burden anyone.

He also prefers to fade into the background and just quietly listen while other characters’ talk, so it’s kind of easy to forget he’s there sometimes (especially if it's in a story that isn't in his POV or otherwise isn't about him). That's something that makes writing Hero so emotionally exhausting because you really have to zoom in so close & so introspective on his feelings to really get a clear picture of what is actually going on in him. There's probably at least 3 degrees of separation from what he wants to say and what he actually says, so you really have to read between the lines with him & can't take anything that he says at face value.

Which isn't to say he is disingenuous or dishonest, he just hides his true feelings in favor of keeping the peace & trying not to hurt anyone. We absolutely agree with your point that Hero is a bad liar (probably because he's just so genuinely sincere), but he is better at burying his emotions than most people. While he isn't very deceptive (at least not in the traditional sense), he's so calm, docile, & unassuming that he doesn't show a lot of emotions as visibly obviously as someone who wears their heart on their sleeve (like Kel for instance) so it's easier for a lot of people to just take Hero's reassurances that "I'm fine" at face value. He's also really adept at avoiding talking about himself and will do all kinds of desperate mental gymnastics to deflect personal questions and turn the conversation around to someone else or to some other topic because exactly like you said in your ask, he never wants to be in the spotlight and would rather quietly take care of his friends and let them be the ones to shine instead.

It's an interesting dichotomy because on the one hand Hero is in a lot of pain and being able to share that and to be seen in that would be really good for him and his healing (and I think he knows that), but he purposely sabotages himself because on the other hand he doesn't want to be seen. He'd rather have people not know him at all if it meant that they would never have to worry about him. In a way, it's like he sort of gets lost in pretending to be "fake fine" and "fake happy" so he won't burden his friends and family when on the inside he really just feels numb, listless, and incredibly lonely--which even if it's self-inflicted is still a very sad and painful thing.

We are big believers that what will ultimately help Hero to heal most of all is allowing himself to be vulnerable and to be real instead of pretending to be perfect and to be "fine" all the time.

Thank you again for the ask. Please feel free to stop by any time to share your Hero thoughts. Take care 💙

[maggstar]

hi, love

no worries, i love reading ur long responses since my ask are usually on the longer side like ^^

the guy turned out to be a dick, not actually caring about me, he asked me for pictures of boobs so yeah, that's that, im disappointed cuz i thought he meant all the cute stuff he said to me but apparently people are awful and dishonest for some unknown reason and there is nothing i can do about that!

thank u for the lovely wishes! i hope that 2024 would be good and kind for us!

i saw that ure struggling these days and im sorry to hear that, i sometimes feel like there is no sense in this life too but i try to see the smaller picture when the big one gets too scary and overwhelming!

i love you too, im sorry that i can't talk to u more often im just too busy sometimes :(( but i do think about u and always hoping ure doing good!

i hope the burnout will soon pass! stay safe a!

sending hugs and kisses as always!!! im here for u even though it's not much!

-♡︎

ps id love to request something! but my brain has no ideas so sorry about that, sweetie

My angel,

fucking hate nudes, go watch porn instead your horny piece of - 😑

My mental health has been a mess lately. I've been on antidepressants for almost 4 years now and last month I tried to take decrease my dosage. Seems like it wasn't a good time as I had to go back up to my previous dosage because of my worsened state. Sometimes I have periods where I wanna end my life, but they usually pass. I called a site called safety line, it's for those who for example want to commit suicide or have problems. It helped a bit, made those thoughts disappear from my head. Sorry for rambling about such negative things haha.

It's alright, I know uni is difficult and it takes time! It's completely alright. I took a year of when my problems started so I'm repeating one more year, but next year I should finally graduate from grammar school. I get that you're busy, so please, don't feel bad at all! Ilym

I'm currently taking 2 weeks off of school. My doctor and psychiatrist adviced me to do so or my state could get worse and I would need to be hospitalised. 😁

How are you doing other than that? I'm sorry about the guy, but he was just a horny dickhead and that's not your fault.

Take care my sweet angel, love you so so much💕

Ps. I need to recommend you some amazing songs I've found recently.

Darci - Code Red, Travis Scott- my eyes (the best part looped), David Kushner - skin and bones. Let me know if you liked them. ☺️

[preciouslandmermaid]

update on my feelings:

I’m very grateful to have a strong support network of friends who I’ve told all the details to. They’ve all been understanding/supportive and encouraging me that I’ve made the right choice.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if he’s willing to do anything to keep me. I have to function under the assumption that he’s not going to change/nothing is going to change. 

I am struggling with some feelings of doubt and being like “oh maybe I am just overreacting. He has been a good partner in the past.” But, I can’t just use that to justify it. Because I’m not happy. I made a pros and cons list.

Pros: I appreciate the physical affection 

We have fun when we hang out/do stuff (going to thrift stores, gaming, etc).

He is considerate and thoughtful. 

Cons:

His emotions are unpredictable. 

He can’t take feedback without being upset/defensive. 

I don’t really know about him (after six months!!!) because he doesn’t talk about his past and doesn’t seem to reflect deeply on the lessons of life.

Our conversations are often surface level. 

When I brought up therapy, he said it “wasn’t for him/he wouldn’t go.” But then when I was trying to break it off, he was like “I’ll go to therapy if you want me to go to therapy!!” -- like that’s not a good reason to go to therapy.

And when he demanded I tell him “something he needs to work on,” and I responded “emotional maturity.” His response was to tell me “that’s bullshit.” and “I never yell at you. And have only been upset with you twice in this relationship. And I’m always honest with my emotions and tell you how I’m feeling.” And told me that I was dishonest/have never been honest in this relationship. I understand a lot of this was said from a place of anger/hurt during the breakup conversation, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was said.

We have minimal mutual interests. 

He doesn’t have a life outside the relationship, despite my encouraging for him to have a life outside of it. (Because having friendships/interests OUTSIDE of your partnership is HEALTHY!!!) He recognized this when we first talked about it, and I thought that was going to solve my discomfort with the relationship, but it didn’t.

Communicating when something is wrong is very hit or miss. Sometimes he’s receptive and we can problem solve. Other times he’s not and it just becomes very defensive and I tend to shut down during those conversations because they don’t feel productive and he re-acts like I’m blaming him (see point 2). (For example: I expressed I was worried because he didn’t have interests/relationships outside of this romantic one. He gave his reasoning as to why he hasn’t focused on his interests. But then he passive aggressively was like “is there anything else wrong with the relationship while we’re talking about it?” and I was like 😐 No.) 

He claims to not have expectations for the relationship which I worry creates a lack of boundaries. Like, if he has nothing he wants beyond being with me, then how can he advocate for his needs?

Like that’s a long list of cons, imo, for a 6 month relationship. 

And I tried to tell him that I’ve been in relationships for too long and I didn’t want to repeat that pattern. But he didn’t listen.

[babybluesquid]

Consequences of Karrnath Session 38

Terrific and Terrible Vengeance

Our Players this week:

Dagne, Redemption Paladin, party leader, an undead soldier created by the Odakyr Rites, but has a soul. They are a Seeker sworn to protect the living. Has a skeleton horse mount from Find Steed named Coffin. Can be abrasive and dishonest, but they are ultimately kind.

Nux, Aberrant Mind Sorcerer, a young teen Marcher who escaped an imposed warlock pact and is now discovering their own innate magic. Their personas are Murlo, a preteen orc girl, Orim, a young adult elf boy, and Vel, an adult tiefling enby. They hold a lot of anger and anxiety and they struggle against authority.

Vaeren, Gloomstalker Ranger, a blind former Deathguard. They were initially sent to investigate Dagne, but instead started dating them. They’re contemplative and disciplined, helping Dagne keep the party in line.

The market of Gatherhold is, unsurprisingly, mostly carts and temporary stalls. The goods for sale are intermixed chaotically, food, trade goods, finery, and weaponry. Walking through, the party comes across several carts laden with butchered dinosaur meat, spines, and teeth. An elvish merchant is negotiating a sale with a tribesman riding a clawfoot. Figuring this is the place, Dagne approaches a halfling, the many dinosaurs regarding them curiously. “Are you Tearing Rush?” “Indeed, we are hunters of Tearing Rush,” the tribesman responds. “I need to speak to Atamu.” “Why do you seek him?” “We need a guide, he knows the place.” The tribesman considers it for a moment, “I will lead you to him.”

The party is led to the back of the caravan where a group of four halflings are talking among themselves in Talentan. One has a bandaged arm and another has six Cannith make steel daggers. The tribesman gestures at the latter. Dagne approaches him, “Atamu of Tearing Rush?” “You have found him,” he responds. “My party has a business proposal for you.” Atamu gestures for Dagne to continue. “We heard you’ve been to a certain ruin in the Blade Desert, one which contains a weapon from the Age of Demons.” “You look like warriors, even so, going to Darmin’thek will only bring death to you.” “We’re not going to seek a battle, we need that artifact.” Atamu narrows his eyes, “what are you trying to kill?” “The Shadow Sword himself.” Atamu starts laughing. Dagne ignores him, “we’ll pay for you to guide us. You do not need to go inside.”

“How much?” Atamu asks. The compensation discussion gets complicated, with Nux getting involved, but the party eventually agrees on fifteen in insurance to be paid immediately, fifty when they reach the ruin, and then another hundred when they return safely to Gatherhold. Satisfied, Atamu talks to his companions in Talentan, then to the party, “we will depart on sunrise tomorrow.” The party goes and buys provisions, tents, and five horses. That night, they pitch their tents rather than look for an inn. In the morning, the party, Atamu, and his two companions set out. They ride clawfoots. The halflings speak to the party some, and react to Coffin with shock, but they mostly keep to themselves and speak in Talentan. So the party also keeps mostly to themselves. In the desert, they travel at night and sleep during the day, and in the twilight hours just talk.

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually talked about my blindness,” Vaeren says one morning. “I know you’ve seen what happened, but you don’t know what happened. I had trained that morning, wasn’t very exciting, after that though I snuck off and headed into the woods. I’d been there for a while before it came, maybe two hours. I’d gone into the woods many times before and had never been attacked, so I figured it wouldn’t be different. I don’t even know how I survived that, fighting off some sort of undead while in screaming pain from the acid. But I was stuck in the woods for another two hours after that before someone found me at least. My brother was the only one who knew I had gone, he’d shown me the area before. Honestly I’m still surprised he came looking for me at all. I really thought that I was I was going to die there, but, not dying I was stuck with being blind. Guess it’s not that bad though.”

Nux, wanting to share some personal thoughts, says, “so, um, a victory. Well, I honestly don’t know if this was a real victory or a loss for me, but I guess back in the mind, my mind, I defeated, I stood up? I don’t know what to call it, but I went against my mom. Never really done anything like that,” their voice quavers as they continue. “Well, unless you count me running away, that was kind of a big deal, but I never actively went against her, or even thought about it. But it was at that moment when, just looking at that thing, how it looked like her, I was full of rage, and, as soon as my knife hit her, it’s like, it felt like something was lifted off me. As messed up as it sounds I honestly felt happy, not because of something else but I felt happy because of me, I felt happy with myself. So I guess, it just makes makes me wonder what I would have felt if it was actually her.”

Somewhat pressed to also share something, Dagne relents easily enough, “growing up in Karrlakton, I was born after the war started but all the adults remembered the time before it. It was strange, you know, hearing about how things used to be in Galifar, in the good old days, and how Karrnath would rise and we would take over the nation again. I believed it, who was I to question that goal? I remember my parents bought into it. My father went off to serve in the war. We were all very proud of him until he died. My mother was devastated. I remember from that day on, everything changed. I was suddenly the main person watching out for my little brother. He was three when I was eight and we were just out most of the time, you know, sure she would watch us and we had a house and she’d provide for us but she was distant and she was strict and we wanted to avoid her. So, he was such a crybaby growing up, really, and I was terribly mean to him. I remember, before I started learning to fight for real, we would fight one another with sticks. Naturally it was not fair.”

“One time the two of us went off, he was probably ten at the time and we went far beyond our neighborhood, where the people didn’t know our faces and couldn’t report back if we got in trouble. But you know we were urban children, it’s what we did. We went over past the Deneith enclave and reached a part of the city we didn’t know. He wa scared the whole way, of course, and I told him of course I knew the way back and he should just trust me. Well, many hours of wandering later, we finally got turned back around and came back to the Deneith enclave. He was crying a lot at that point and I felt very foolish, but, when we went back home, he said that he had run off and I went to find him, and so I didn’t get in trouble. I don’t know what he’s gotten up to since I died but I imagine that he had a good reason to go down the path he did. I just hope that I can get through to him before it’s too late.”

It’s a bright night, ten moons are out and the Ring of Siberys shines brights, when the party hears rapidly approaching hoofbeats in the distance, approaching from the south west. Five riders approach, their horses armored with barding. The riders also armored, one in lamellar and the rest in lighter armor. The slow on approach. The party stops and Vaeren hurriedly gets their armor on in anticipation of a fight, the party taking defensive positions. The approaching figures are veiled, the one in lamellar has a chainmail veil. The party’s halfling guides recognize the Tairnidal and flee. The group stops several dozen feet from the party, and Dagne has to yell to them.

“Identify yourselves!” “Valas Tairn!” Comes the reply from the elf in lamellar. “What is your business?” “Dagne, you are owed a fight from us.” “I believe you’re mistaken.” “Why would we be mistaken? Someone who kills a Valas Tairn should expect to be pursued by the revenant blade’s friends.” Vaeren recognizes the leader’s voice, Valfiel, a well known warrior in the Valas Tairn, someone they know personally. “Do you speak of Tairil?” Dagne asks. “We come to avenge Tairil and Daeleth of the Valas Tairn,” Valfiel responds. “Tairil already came to avenge Daeleth. The fight is no longer owed, begone.” “I see you’ve not been destroyed. You must see this means neither of them have been avenged.” Dagne sighs, “am I to fight your people until you’re all dead? Leave. I don’t care for this revenge.” “You already chose this fight.” “No, Dagne says firmly, reasoning, “Daeleth was war. Tairil wrongly came against me in vengeance for Daeleth. There is no fight owed, the matter is already settled.”

“When the fire giant warlord Varavhal slew the brother of Tairil’s ancestor, Olara, she brought burning vengeance to him,” Valfiel explains. The spellcaster incants, spinning two carved staves then pointing the left one near the party. A mass of fire grows at that point, large and flickering and shifting, an elemental. Vaeren recognizes his voice, Hilen. Dagne rebuts stubbornly, “even so, the matter was settled with Tairil.” “When Aenan’s warband was slain by the Qalbarin, he brought his revenge to them in the form of a glorious war. Tairil was of my warband, I will honor him by returning you to dust.”

At a loss, Dagne looks to Vaeren for support and they step in, “look, we wish not to shed your blood. I understand your wish for revenge, but it makes no sense at this point, Valfiel. There is no point to continue this chain. We don’t want to fight you all forever.” Valfiel’s response is icy, “the Valas Tairn gives no regard to the words of deserters. We bring them only death, but for you we have a different fate in store. Dagne will be slain and you will be returned to the Warden. In this way I will bring glory to myself, my warband, and the Valas Tairn.” “And what exactly do you plan to do with the rest of our party?” Vaeren asks. “They can run or fight to the death.” “Well, I hope you got your graves ready,” Nux shouts. “So be it, child.”

Vaeren turns to Dagne and says quietly, “ if we can beat them without killing them, I don’t think they’ll come after us again. Taking revenge three times is too many to justify, let alone two.” “I hope you’re right,” Dagne replies, “I don't want to kill anybody else.” “Nor do I. Knowing them makes it worse. I think for them it’s just fun at this point.” Dagne turns to Nux, “don’t kill them.” Nux doesn’t reply, but makes a confused and bothered expression.

Vaeren charges for the elemental, guessing their magic sword will have an effect. As they slash and stab it, the flames dissipate. The elemental reforms, but it burns less brightly. An archer rides around to get line of sight, then fires at Vaeren. They block an arrow with their shield, a second bounces off their helmet, and the third flies wide. Valfiel charges at Dagne, lance down. They deflect it, so she makes a second pass, also missing. When she comes around the third time, she suddenly aims high and jabs Dagne in the visor. Luckily, they do not fall.

Hilan swings their staves and points them at Nux. A small bead of fire floats towards them and Nux barely has a moment before it explodes into a ball of flame. Their horse dies instantly. Dagne is also caught in the blast, though they avoid the worst of it. Dismounted, Nux spellcasts, calling upon the fire in themselves and returning fire to Hilan and a Valas Tairn armed with a saber. The rogue avoids the attack, ducking out of the radius entirely, but Hilan takes the full brunt of the attack and Nux is satisfied to see his horse also fall. However, the wizard instead of standing, floats off the ground. Nux grimaces. Then, a spear wielder charges at them, making a grazing hit. They pass again, punching Nux and trying to force them to the ground. Nux stumbles but keeps their footing as the spearman retreats.

Dagne strikes back at Valfiel, bashing them hard. She twists to avoid a shattered ribcage, but Dagne uses the opportunity to slip their spearpoint into an armor gap. Red light pours out between her lamellar plates and she screams at the searing energy. They pull the weapon free and smack her across the chain veil with the butt of their weapon. “You’re not as powerful as Tairil was. You’ll lose this fight,” Dagne says. “We can put you back in Dolurrh where you belong,” Valfiel growls. Amused, Dagne replies, “never been.”

The fire elemental moves to engulf Vaeren, they leap out of the way but are then struck by a fiery arm through their chest, lighting up their clothing. The rogue advances on Nux again, slashing them with their saber. Poison burns in the wounds. Shocked, Nux falls. Vaeren dismounts their horse, runs up, slashes and stabs at the elemental. The magical blade cuts through the very force animating it, dimming the thing significantly. The archer backs up and fires at Vaeren again. One arrow is deflected off their helmet and they bring up their shield to block the other.

Valfiel suddenly disengages from Dagne and charges Vaeren, who manages to dodge her surprise attacks. Dagne’s strike at her back misses as she hurries out of reach. Hilen summons three shots of green magical force, firing them at them. Two impact, knocking them back.

Nux makes a death save. They succeed.

The rogue cuts around Dagne to advance on Vaeren, they manage to slip through and land a cut on their hip with their poisoned saber. Dagne cries out a healing word to Nux before rushing to assist Vaeren. Nux, understanding the situation, pretends to stay down. Dagne stabs Valfiel with their spearpoint, smiting. She’s staggered and Dagne hits her hard in the helmet, smiting again. For her credit, she somewhat deflects the hits with her lance, but the red light scorches her severely.

The fire elemental engulfs Vaeren. They’re overwhelmed by the flames and drop. As soon as the elemental falls back, the rogue dismounts and hurriedly extinguishes the flames on Vaeren with sand. The archer fires at Dagne. One arrow goes wide but the other finds its way into their shoulder gap. “It seems my vengeance is done,” Valfiel says, then stabs Dagne through the eye slit. When Dagne does not fall, she shield bashes them to take them off balance, but Dagne blocks her next lance strike. Seeing it won’t end so easily, she tells her companions, “let me finish the monster.” They nod in agreement and stand down. Dagne takes the chance to heal themselves then utters a healing word for Vaeren. As they stand, Valfiel turns to the rogue, “deal with them.” The fire elemental moves first, hungrily engulfing Vaeren get again. The rogue hurries to smother the flame with sand.

Vaeren makes a death save. They succeed.

Valfiel comes in against Dagne again, who turns all her blows aside. Her eyes widen as Dagne strikes her hard in the ribs, smiting and knocking her off her horse. She’s knocked unconscious as she hits the ground. Dagne then turns to slash at the rogue and strike them in the leg. Everyone turns on Dagne. The fire elemental greedily burns at them. The archer fires, one arrow finding its target. Halen jabs their staves at Dagne thrice, striking them with two blasts of forceful green energy. The spearman charges and runs Dagne through.

Overwhelmed, Dagne makes a snap decision. They disengages and ride off. Nux stands and they grab them, pulling them onto Coffin’s back behind them. They gallop away at full speed, knowing the pursuit cannot be far behind.

——————

Highlights:

Vaeren’s acceptance of their blindness is very cool. I love that they can approach it with neutrality after being so concerned with it earlier.

Absolutely hilarious when Dagne told Nux not to kill anyone and their reaction was like “are you serious?” They absolutely know this by now but they are getting fed up with it.

Also funny that Dagne was so confident the party would win and then had to flee. At least they managed to knock out Valfiel first. Her overconfidence was her undoing there and I bet she’ll feel pretty embarrassed.

Session 39.

[meringuejellyfish]

i like qifreys way of speaking soo much its so special to me. personally i want more guys who who just speak ever so whimsically in casual conversation and in drastic comparison to those around them. at times its not even whimsy he just says phrases like “yeouch! ooh, that smarts!” and its like. yeah!