#hey hey do you think we’ll get a moment of Buck talking to bobby while he’s out?

[hotshotsxyz]

on couches and the universe

(buddie) (683 words) (6x11 coda) in which margaret buckley is NOT allowed to be the solution to the couch problem <3

The couch doesn’t fit.

It takes everything Buck has not to burst out laughing, because of course it doesn’t. Why would it? It’s not like his Mom had painstakingly measured the entire apartment while Buck watched bemusedly from the chair. Oh wait.

“I just don’t understand,” Margaret says, hands on her hips. “It should be perfect!”

“Maybe it’s a sign from the universe,” Buck says with a half grin. “I have to find my own couch.”

Margaret frowns. “I can find the right one for you, I know it.”

“Look, Mom, it’s fine, I’ll get one when I get one. It’s not like it was with my leg, I can get up the stairs just fine.”

Margaret swallows and looks away uncomfortably. “Evan—” she starts, but then doesn’t say anything to follow.

Buck grimaces. Instinctively, he wants to apologize for bringing it up, but— the voice in his head that apparently turns into bizarro Bobby when he’s in a coma tells him he’s got nothing to apologize for, and he’s pretty sure it’s right.

After a moment of tension, Margaret sighs. “I’d better go call the store to return this.” She steps back into the kitchen, away from the couch that refused to wedge itself in place under the stairs.

Buck hesitates a moment, then steps out on the balcony to make a call of his own.

“Hey,” Eddie says, soft and warm and familiar, and in a moment all the tension Buck hadn’t realized he was carrying seeps from his shoulders.

“Hey yourself,” Buck replies, leaning against the wall and looking out at the city.

“How’s the new couch?” Eddie asks, and this time Buck doesn’t even try to stop himself from laughing.

“It doesn’t fit,” he chuckles.

“And that’s funny because…?” Eddie asks. Buck care hear the bemused smile he’s sure adorns Eddie’s lips.

“Because!” Buck says, gesturing wildly. “The universe or something.”

Eddie is silent for a few moments. “You know,” he says, a little more deliberately, “I think I’m starting to buy into this universe you keep talking about.”

Buck gasps dramatically. “You, Eddie Diaz, a believer?”

Eddie huffs out a small breath. “Yeah, well, something obviously has it out for you and couches,” he says.

“Nah,” Buck replies. “It’s just helping me keep the space open for the right one.”

“Maybe so,” Eddie says softly.

A comfortable silence envelops them, interrupted only by the distant sounds of traffic. Buck’s pretty sure he could stay like this for hours, quiet, resting, listening to Eddie breathe on the other end of the line. His mind wanders, though, and within minutes, Buck speaks again.

“I think I need to ask my parents to go home,” he admits, glancing back at the sliding glass door to make sure it’s closed.

“Why?” Eddie asks, not judgmental or even particularly curious. Just… giving him space.

Buck chews on his lower lip. “In my dream, my parents were there, right? And it was—it was almost happy, you know?”

Eddie hums an acknowledgement but says nothing.

“And they’re trying, I know they are,” Buck continues. “But there’s all this history, and I can’t help but think they wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t been, you know, already here.”

“You’re allowed to need some space,” Eddie reminds him gently.

Buck ducks his head and smiles. “I know,” he says. “I think I just—need some time to separate this version of my parents from the ones in my head.”

“Well, you might not have a couch,” Eddie says, “but I do. It’s yours, no questions asked.”

Buck laughs softly, “I might just take you up on that,” he says.

“You’d better,” Eddie says. “I know it’s only been a day, but Christopher’s been vibrating out of his skin asking to see you.”

“I miss him too,” Buck says. “I think—I can’t just run away from this, you know? But uh—”

“After,” Eddie says, when he doesn’t complete the thought. “Talk to them, and then as soon as you’re done—we’ll be waiting.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Buck says softly.

“I know you will.”

[tripleaxeldiaz]

when you come home, i’d lift you up

read on ao3

It’s dark. Eddie never really wanted to end up in the dark like this again.

It reminds him of the other times — the damp darkness of the well, the weightless black of the in-between he was stuck in after getting shot. But it’s also worse, because it’s compounded on top of those times to make it suffocating. Before, he knew there were ways out. Before, he wanted to fight, like he always did, like he promised he always would. But now, he can’t remember what’s waiting for him in the light. Faint images of glasses and curly brown hair and birthmarks and crooked smiles, but none of it enough to pull him out this time. All he knows is nothingness. It feels like all he’s ever known.

There’s a jolt, and he’s briefly brought back to his body, enough to remember the power going out, the hospital, and that he decided to take the elevator because the stairs were on the other side of the floor. It’s worse now, somehow, because the darkness is still suffocating, but now it has physical confines. Four walls, a floor, and a ceiling that can’t be pushed through with his hands or force of will. He’s not stuck, he’s trapped, and he’s sweating and his hands are shaking and he swears he hears his heartbeat echoing around him. 

But his heartbeat gets louder and louder, and he realizes it’s not a heartbeat at all — it’s footsteps. Quick, heavy footsteps heading his way. They skid to a stop outside the elevator door, and a voice he’d recognize anywhere — in the blackest dark or the brightest white — carries through and lights him up, just a bit.

“Eddie? Eddie, are you in there? Are you okay?”

He swallows his panic enough to let “Buck?” fall from his lips, soft and shattered.

“I’m right here, Eds.” He shouts something else but it’s muffled, far away, like he’s projecting away from the door. “Are you hurt?”

Deep breath, focus. Take stock of yourself. He quickly scans from head to toe, flexing muscles and wigging limbs. “I’m fine. Think I twisted my ankle, but nothing’s broken.”

“Good, great, okay.” More shouting and far away footsteps. “We— we need jaws and some extra hands to get you out but they’re on their way, okay? I promise we’ll get to you soon.”

Ice crashes through him again. “Are you— can— please don’t—” The air suddenly feels too thin, too close to his skin and not enough in his lungs.

“Eds?”

“Please don’t leave me.”

He’d feel pathetic asking any other time, but they’d been in each other’s orbits more than ever the past few months, and not having Buck in his line of sight for this long is making him itchy, jittery nerves mixing with unwavering panic in an unpleasant cocktail. It had felt selfish, at first, always taking up Buck’s offers to stay over and cook and help with Chris, but the one time — the only time — he’d tried to say no, to give Buck a break, he’d looked so wrecked that it just confirmed for him that all the volunteering was as much for Buck’s sake as it was for Eddie’s. 

Call it weird, call it codependent, but this is the longest they’ve been apart in months, and on top of everything else happening at the moment, Eddie’s not sure how much longer he can handle it.

Luckily, he hears the squeak of fabric against the door as, he assumes, Buck slides down to sit. “I’m not going anywhere,” Buck says, softly as he can to still be heard through the door. “I promise, I’m not gonna leave you.”

The nerves subside a fraction, only to remind Eddie that it’s still dark and he’s still trapped. He swallows and nods even though Buck can’t see him. “Thank you.”

“Always.” 

Buck’s radio crackles to life, probably Bobby checking in, but Eddie can’t quite make out what he’s saying. Buck's response is quiet, muffled a bit too, like he turned away from the door again so Eddie couldn’t hear. “Cap, I’d really rather stay here, if that’s okay. He needs me.” 

A tangle of relief and guilt crashes through him, because he does need Buck, but he hates that needing Buck means keeping him from the job.

He must have gotten an affirmative, though,  because his voice comes back to it’s normal, still muffled volume. “Okay, everyone’s on their way, just a little bit longer. How you holding up?”

“Fine,” Eddie says, cursing the tremble in his voice.

Buck definitely clocks it, too. “Eddie, come on.”

Eddie takes a breath that catches all the way in and out. “It’s dark,” he says quietly, weighed down in his throat by shame. “The emergency lights don’t work in here.”

Buck whispers something under his breath, probably a curse. There’s tapping and scraping along the door for a minute. “I can’t— there’s really nowhere for me to get light in.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie says, taking another, smoother breath. “I’ll be alright.”

“You will be. I’m making sure of that.” His radio crackles again, another quick, murmured conversation Eddie can’t hear. “Hey,” he says once the radio clicks off, “we’re having a day Saturday, right? Tell me the plan, what does Chris want to do?”

He’s stalling, Eddie can tell. There’s been a delay, Eddie’s going to be in this box for God knows how long, and Buck is trying to get Eddie to talk about Chris to keep him calm. He sees right through it, but he’s also immensely grateful, because really no one but Buck would try something so obvious with him and actually have it work.

“That traveling food exhibit at the science center,” he says. “Apparently they have samples of very smelly cheese he’s going to dare you to try.”

“He knows I’m always up for a challenge,” Buck says, and Eddie knows for a fact he’s smiling. “What else? Dinner?”

“That taco place off 41st, if you think you’ll be up for it.”

“No amount of bad cheese can keep me from tacos.” Buck says it so seriously it actually startles a laugh out of Eddie. Clearly, the panic hadn’t weighed everything down. Or Buck being here really was lightening the load.

“And then what? Game night? Movie night?”

“Probably both,” Eddie says, because he knows his son, and he knows he’ll figure out how to squeeze everything in. “He’s gotten really good at Clue, though, so prepare to lose.”

“As long as I get to be Professor Plum, I don’t mind.”

“And you’ll stay?” He already knows the answer — it hasn’t changed in almost six months — but he’s currently still shrouded in darkness and fear, and he just wants to know for sure.

“I’ll stay, Eds. Of course I will,” Buck says with a solemnity that might be too much for something so trivial, but it loosens the vice on Eddie’s ribs enough to breathe properly. He’s pretty sure Buck isn’t talking about just staying the night.

Before he can finish fully processing that, or the way it warms him from head to toe like he’s been injected with sunshine, there’s unfamiliar loud voices and thumps outside the door. “Okay, Eds, cavalry’s here,” Buck says. “Can you back up from the door for me? It’s gonna get loud.”

Eddie’s already sitting against the back wall, but he makes himself as flat as possible as the team starts to work. There’s sparks and screeching metal and the whole elevator box rattles so hard Eddie’s teeth knock together. The dark shifts around him, like it’s trying to swallow him whole while it still has the chance.

Finally, salvation: Eddie’s blinded momentarily by the bop-and-weave streaks from various headlights, but when his eyes adjust, Buck is there, lit from behind and reaching down to him like a literal guardian angel, his smile brighter than any man made light could even attempt to manage. Eddie returns it, and he knows it’s tired and probably a little dopey with relief, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Getting up is hard — his ankle hurts a little more than he originally thought — but he hobbles to the elevator door and takes Buck’s hand, lets himself be pulled out to safety, to light, the weight of panic finally dissolving around him. He lands on his knees and falls into Buck’s chest and doesn’t try to move, lets himself melt into Buck, his familiar warmth and scent and life. Buck melts too, arms wrapping around Eddie’s shoulders, forehead resting on the crown of his head. They stay like that, and Eddie breathes enough of Buck in that the darkness quickly feels like a distant memory, even though they’re still technically in a blackout.

“Thank you,” he whispers, arms wrapping around Buck’s waist, refusing to let go. “Not— not just for this, for everything with me and Chris and—”

“Hey, hey,” Buck breathes into Eddie’s hair, “I told you, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, as long as you need me.”

Forever. I think I need you forever. 

Eddie just pulls him closer and holds on tight as the last of the dark fades from his mind.

[nurse-buckley]

Muchas Manos En La Olla Echan El Guiso A Perder

Fandom: 9-1-1  Word Count: 1,676 Pairing: Buddie x Reader  Warnings: mentions of blood and injury.  Summary: Like the title says, ‘too many cooks spoil the broth.’  Tagslist: @firemedicdiaz @fireladybuckley @pupandangelscoffee @winterreader-nowwriter @dayrin085 Beta’d by the amazing @evanbuckos

“Thanks for letting me use your kitchen Eddie.” Your kitchen was being renovated, and when Athena and Bobby announced they were having a barbeque, you knew you couldn’t show up empty handed. Eddie was kind enough to offer up his oven for you, and invited you and Buck over to cook your respective dishes together. 

You, Eddie, and Buck get to work, Eddie preparing the bread rolls for the oven and Buck chopping vegetables for the salad. The pie you offered to make for dessert had already been cooked and was cooling on the side, so you offer your services to help Eddie with the tortilla española he’d offered to make, recipe courtesy of his abuela.  

You all fall into a comfortable rhythm, moving around each other in synchronicity as you prepare your plates for the barbeque. Eddie opens his phone, connecting it to his bluetooth speakers, wiggling his hips to the beat as he continues his prep. You let out a laugh watching his dance, gaining Buck’s attention. 

The younger firefighter, upon seeing his friend, begins an impromptu food fight, grabbing a piece of tomato from his chopping board and throwing it in his direction. You shake your head, not wanting to be involved in their antics, dodging the piece of food as it flies passed you.  

Choosing to ignore them for the time being, you grab the mandoline and begin slicing the potatoes for Eddie into thin discs. You don’t notice the piece of cucumber flying towards you from Eddie’s direction, your mind too focussed on thinly slicing the ingredient in front of you. The piece of food misses its target of Buck, instead hitting you. You flinch in retaliation to the object flying towards you, the potato slipping in your hands and your fingers slicing against the blade. 

The laughing ceases, the two men not knowing what your reaction would be to being brought in to their antics. Your silence worries them as you pause chopping the vegetables, staring down at the chopping board. The cheerful music playing a stark contrast to the energy that now fills the room. 

“Y/N?” Eddie asks. 

You’re still frozen in place, staring down at the chopping board as you turn to him. It’s then he sees the blood flowing freely from your index and middle finger.  

He drops what he’s doing, grabbing a clean cloth from the drawer and moving to your side immediately. “Buck, get the first aid kit, now!” 

The younger firefighter sprints into action, running out of the kitchen to find the box of supplies he knew Eddie keeps in the bathroom cabinet. 

“Shit, I am so sorry.” 

He presses the rag firmly to your fingers, holding your hand above your heart to try and stem the bleeding. He chances a look, removing the cloth to see the damage, only being met with a fresh stream of blood that trickled down your arm. 

Your face pales as you realise the magnitude of your injury, sucking in a breath, not sure if it’s from the shock of seeing the blood or the pain emanating from your fingers. 

Eddie doesn’t miss your reaction, attempting to get your focus on him and away from your injury,  “hey, keep your eyes on me, okay?” 

You suck in a breath, the pain alone was enough to make you feel sick, but the sensation that made your stomach churn was the feel of the warm liquid soaking through the rag and down your fingers as Eddie held your hand in the air. 

You chance a look, not being able to resist, attempting to see the damage you had caused to the digits. Eddie’s reflexes kick in as he sees your face pale and your eyes start to roll back. He uses his free hand to press you against the counter, pressing his body against you, sandwiching you between him and the counter in an attempt to keep you upright. “Easy, I got you.” 

The jolting sensation of being pushed into the counter brings you back slightly. You still feel woozy, leaning into the man next to you for support. “Sorry,” you begin, “looks like tortilla española is off the menu.” 

Eddie lets out a chuckle in disbelief at your apology, “doesn’t matter, what matters is getting those fingers seen to.” 

Buck returns, his face conveying his worry upon seeing you so pale and unstable. He rushes to your side, placing the first aid kit on the counter next to you and helping Eddie keep you upright. 

“Let’s get you laying down,” Buck takes your other side, taking the majority of your weight to allow Eddie to keep pressure on your wounds. 

The two firefighters gently lay you on the floor, Buck cradling your head as they lower you down. The younger firefighter leaves your side momentarily, returning with a chair, and gently lifts your legs, elevating them in an attempt to stop you from going into shock. 

The younger man looks towards Eddie, seeing he’s ready to take another look at your injuries and begin treating them. “Just keep looking at me alright,” Buck’s gaze never leaves you as he picks up your uninjured hand, squeezing it in his own. 

You suck in a breath as you feel Eddie removing the cloth from your hand, keeping your focus on the other man. “How bad is it?”  

“I don’t think you need the emergency room. I can treat it here if you want me to.” 

You nod, regretting the decision immediately as the dizziness returns. “Yeah, please. I don’t want to go to the hospital.” 

Buck gives your hand another reassuring squeeze, bringing your focus back in the moment. You allow yourself to relax slightly, feeling like a weight has been lifted knowing that you wouldn’t have a stranger looking after you.  

After a few more minutes of pressure, Eddie was happy the bleeding had stopped enough for him to dress the wounds on your fingers. “You alright to sit up for me? It’ll be easier to patch you up at the table.”  

Buck lets go of your hand momentarily, placing his hand around your shoulders, supporting you into a sitting position. His free hand comes to your uninjured hand, his fingers moving to the pulse point there. Once he’s happy you’re stable enough to move he nods to Eddie, the silent conversation between them signially their next move. The younger firefighter helps you to stand, all the while keeping a firm grip with an arm around your waist. The pair lead you to the table, sitting you down in the chair before Buck leaves to grab the first aid kit he’d left in the kitchen. 

Buck passes the box to Eddie, opening it and unpacking the materials he needs. It looks more like the kit bags you stock on the firetruck than a family first aid box. You’d laugh were it not for the pain in your fingers throbbing in time with your pulse. 

The medic begins pulling out plastic vials of saline, dressing packs, tegaderm and so on. By the time he’s finished gathering the supplies he needs, the table is covered in gauze, tape, and bandages. 

Buck is at your other side, your hand in his, talking about anything to distract you. Eddie chips into the conversation between preparing his work surface. Your anxiety begins to rise as you see Eddie pulling on a pair of surgical gloves, announcing that he’s ready if you are.  

Your anxiety doesn’t go unnoticed by the younger man, “just keep looking at me, okay?” 

Eddie gently pulls your hand away from Buck’s grasp, checking under the rag, happy the bleeding has stopped. “We’ll go at your pace, if you need me to stop or feel like it’s getting too much, just say and we’ll take a break.” 

You nod, smiling for the first time since your accident. You feel lucky to have them with you. 

“I guess it's true what they say, muchas manos en la olla echan el guiso a perder.”  

Buck frowns in confusion at Eddie’s statement, “what does that mean?” 

You let out a scoff, shaking your head, “it means too many cooks spoil the broth. More like two idiots partaking in a food fight gets the innocent party injured...”   

The pair apologise in unison, feeling incredibly guilty that their actions had caused this to happen to you. 

Once confirming you’re ready, Eddie begins by opening one of the saline tubes, wetting a piece of gauze. He looks up to you for consent before he begins cleaning the wounds on your fingers. He gently rubs around the wounds, ensuring your fingers are clean before wiping the dried blood that had crusted on to your fingers and hand. Grabbing another piece of gauze, he gently dabs at the area, drying around the wounds. He applies the first dressing to each of your fingers, securing the adhesive around each finger before applying the additional bandages, securing them with tape. 

Buck grabs the sling Eddie had laid out, gently holding your wrist as he places the sling over your chest. He gently places your arm back across your chest, tying the bandage around the back of your neck, successfully elevating your hand. 

Buck glances at his watch, looking between you and Eddie, who is now busy cleaning up the wrappers from the table. “We can still make it if we leave now. You both still up for it?” 

You glance at Eddie who shrugs, looking back at you for confirmation. “I’m up for it if you are.” 

The pain is still throbbing in your fingers and you take a moment to think if you are up to facing other people. You decide you still want to go, knowing being with your friends, your work family, would be a better distraction than staying inside. 

“Lets go,” you pause for a minute, thinking back to the mess in the kitchen, “we have the pie, but we might need to run by the store though, if we don’t want to turn up empty handed!”

[libraryofloveletters]

prompts 8 + 9 for Buck omgggg 🥲🥲🥲

Can’t Lose Him

Evan Buckley x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of hospitals and injuries, minimal swearing, mentions of pregnancy and Chim’s accident, big brother!Chim

Prompts: #8: “you promised me you wouldn't be reckless! You promised me!” #9: “Does he know about the baby?” 

Category: mix of angst and fluff

Word Count: 2.4k

Author’s Note: I loved writing this so thank you for requesting! :) 

---

Pacing the room, Hen reached out for your hand. “C’mon, your feet must hurt. Sit down” you sighed, once again you were in a hospital waiting room in the middle of the night with the team and Maddie because Buck’s idiotic self got himself hurt again. 

“I’m okay Hen, thank you” you gave her a slight smile. Bobby was talking to the doctors because you couldn't bring yourself to hear what he’s done this time. Bobby returned, Athena by his side now. “Oh honey,” she pulled you into a hug, you could feel yourself melting into her arms, she sat with you and her arm wrapped around your shoulder. Bobby sat to the other side of you. 

“The doctor said that the pressure of the block cracked a rib, which then punctured a lung. He also has a mild concussion but they say it shouldn't be too bad” 

“Is he out of surgery ?” 

“He is, but he’s in recovery now. It might be a little bit before we get to see him” Bobby gives your shoulder a squeeze, you nodded.

Taking a look around the waiting room, Chim held Maddie as she slept with her head on his shoulder. Eddie sat to the other side of them, on the phone with Carla and Christopher. Hen was now talking to Bobby about something. 

This wasn't an unusual scene but a familiar one. Regardless of what was going on or who it was, the 118 always shows for their own. 

A rather tall man came into the waiting room. “Buckley ?” he called out, everyone stood, the doctor seemed surprised to see so many people at 4 in the morning. Your hand was resting on your stomach, you could feel eyes burning into your side. Looking to the left, Chim’s eyes were fixed on your hand, you nodded in his direction with your brows furrowed. He shook his head, you didn’t think much of it. 

“We can take one person in if someone would like to go in now? He’s still asleep but he’s stable as of now” your heart sunk at the term “as of now”, shaking the feeling, you look over at Maddie. 

“Do you want to go in first ?” 

“You go ahead, I'll walk with you and then I'll see him after. I might take a lap, my back is killing me” she gave your hand a squeeze, the two of you followed the doctor to a room down the hall. 

She came in for a moment to kiss her brother’s head and then left you alone in the room with him. You sat at his bedside, your hand held onto his. His hand was cold, the monitor was still going and you could hear his heart beating through the deafening silence but it felt strange. 

Every time you found yourself back here, it felt odd. 

Buck was a warrior in every sense of the word, he pulled through, always. 

“Oh baby, what did you get yourself into” sighing and leaning back into the chair. Once again, your hand comes down to rest on your stomach, the other hand still holding Buck’s. His hand twitched slightly, he was starting to wake up. “Don’t move hun,” your hand rested on his chest softly, Buck’s brows furrowed. 

“Wh-who are you?” his head tilted slightly, your heart dropped. The panic started to set in but you knew better than to let him see it. 

He’ll come around, he’s just woozy from surgery. 

“Why are you here?” he asked once again, “I'm-” you started but was cut off by a little chuckle from Buck. “You ass!” you let out a breath, “god, you scared me”

“Sorry baby, I didn't mean to scare you” 

“Yeah? So why am I sitting in a hospital room while you’re all banged up” 

“We could bang if you wanted” he gave you one of his stupid wicked smiles

“Evan Buckley!” you scolded him, “now is not the time” your hand held onto his arm, your finger tracing over the tattoo on his bicep. “You really scared me, the whole punctured lung this isn't a cute look Buck” 

“Really ? And here I was thinking that I was pulling it off” 

Something flipped in you, you went from relief to anger in .2 of a second. “How could you?” hitting his shoulder, you stood up. “Ow! What did I do ? I'm just laying here” Buck whined, you know you didn't actually hurt him, he's just being dramatic. 

“I know it’s your job to run into burning buildings but would it kill you to be safe? You can't fucking save anyone if you’re dead Evan!” 

“Woah, calm down first of all, and why are you calling me Evan ?” 

“Is that not your frigging name ?!” 

You were starting to lose your patience. You loved Buck, any and everyone knew that but you couldn't deal with how stupid he could be sometimes. He’d run straight into danger to help others but not once would he stop to think of what could possibly happen to him. 

“Where is this coming from ?” he asked you, looking at you. He reached for your hand but you pulled away. You find yourself pacing again, trying to calm yourself before you strangle him with his IV line. “What do you mean ‘where is this coming from?’ you had a giant block of concrete on your chest Buck! If Eddie didn't find you, you'd be dead, you were on the verge of death as it is.” 

“You don-” 

“I don't know that ? I know you’re dumb enough to run into a collapsing building, especially after Bobby told you not to go back inside” you gave him a look, your back up against the wall. Buck’s face went pale, he looked as if he saw a ghost. 

“What? You thought Eddie wouldn't tell me about your little stunt ? You should know better than that.”

“Y/n, baby, I didn’t think anything would happen to me” 

“You never think Buck, that's the problem! You promised me you wouldn't be reckless! You promised me! but you never listen, you never do. One of these days, you're going to walk in and not walk back out.” storming out of the room, Buck sat on the bed, his mouth hung open and confused as to what brought on the fit of rage you just had. 

Maddie walks into the room, “where’s y/n?” she sits beside him. Buck rubs his forehead, “um- she just went for some air” 

--

It was around 5:30 in the morning, you sat outside on the hood of Buck’s jeep. You had dropped him off at work and taken the jeep for the day, hence why you had it right now. 

Peaceful.

That’s how you’d describe your surroundings. There was no one in the parking lot, you laid back on the hood as your hand came down to your stomach once again, staring aimlessly up into the sky. It wasn't dark but the sun hadn't fully come up yet. It was right before dawn, the world felt like it paused, not completely, but just enough for you to take in these few moments of peace. 

The weight shifted on the jeep, you opened your eyes to see Chim climbing up to sit beside you. “Hey, everyone’s looking for you” he says, laying back onto the hood beside you. “Yeah, I just needed some air” lying through your teeth, you give him as best of a smile that you could muster up. Chim’s eyes fixated on your hand once again, you watched him, practically hearing the turning in his head. 

“What's going on in there? The rebar taking its effect now?” you joke, he rolls his eyes. 

“Does he know about the baby?” he asks, you sit up and turn towards him. You hadn't told a soul. 

“How did-” 

“Maddie does it to- the hand on the belly thing. She's been doing it since before there was a bump. Just a motherly reflex I suppose” 

You stared off into space, Chim sat beside you quietly. “Does he know?” he asks once again, you shake your head. “I know it’s not my place,” he rests his hand on your shoulder, “but I think you should tell him. It might keep him from running into buildings without thinking.” 

“Did that work for you ?” 

“What do you mean ?” 

“When Maddie told you that she was pregnant, did you think twice before running into a burning building ?” 

“Honestly, at first it didn't. It didn't seem real until I saw the bump and heard the heartbeat. Then it all made sense ya know ? I couldn't risk getting hurt because I had something to live for, they were waiting for me to come home” 

“That's the thing, I don't want to lose him, Chim. I can’t lose him. I love him and I need him here, the baby needs him. There’s no way I can do this by myself” 

“You can, I know you would be able to do it by yourself but you shouldn’t have too. Buck’s an idiot but he loves you.”

Chim sat with you for a few more minutes, you considered everything he told you. How Buck might not change right away nor did you expect him too but if there was even a chance of him changing, you’d want him too. “Ready to go back in?” Chim slides off the hood, holding his hand out to you. You hold his hand and he helps you off the hood.

“We have a stop to make first” you walk in the opposite direction of Buck’s room. Chim follows you down to the gift shop, which was closed as it doesn’t open until 7.“Are you kidding me?” you groan, leaning back against the door. “We’ll figure something out,” Chim looks around. Eddie comes around the corner, “what are you guys doing here?” he walks over. 

“I needed something for Buck” 

“What did you need? Can’t it wait until they open?” 

“Eddie, I'm pregnant” you just blurt out, Eddie’s jaw drops, literally. 

“Congratulations!” he pulls you into a hug, “wait, you’re happy about it right?” he checks, you nod. 

“I need one of those stupid “world’s best dad” shirts for Buck but it's closed” 

Eddie looks at Chim and then looks around. “Are we gonna?” Chim points towards the door, looking at Eddie. “Yup” Eddie looks around once more, “lean your head towards me y/n” your face screws into a weird expression but abides anyways. Eddie pulls a bobby pin out of your hair, turning to the door and jams into the lock. He wiggles the pin around until the lock clicks open. 

“Voila” he smiles as pushes the door open. The 3 of you walk in, Eddie stays by the door to make sure no one was coming. “Chim, find a pen and paper for me please ?” you walk away to find the shirt you were looking for. Picking up 4, you shove them into a bag form behind the counter. You toss $30 onto the counter and scribble a little note for the person that opens that read: 

Had an emergency, needed a few shirts. Hope this cash covers it. Thanks! :) 

Eddie relocked the door before heading to Buck’s room. Everyone was now in the room, scattered in different places. Bobby was leaned up against a wall, Athena stood beside him, leaning into his side. Hen sat on the little counter by the window and Maddie was still in the chair beside his bed. Eddie went over and joined Hen by the window, Chim stood behind Maddie, his hand coming up to her shoulder. 

“Y/n..” Buck whispers as you walk in, you take a seat on the end of the bed by his hips. “I’m sorry” he says, his hand reaching out for yours. 

���You’re an idiot but, I guess, I forgive you” you say and Buck smiles at you. “What’s in the bag ?” he asks, you rest the bag on your lap. “Something for you boys” The guys exchange looks, Eddie and Chim knew you needed something for Buck but what did you get for them? 

Pulling out the shirts, you handed one to Buck first. It was a plain blue t-shirt with big white bold letters that read “world’s best dad”. Buck looked down at the shirt and then back at you, he repeated that process a few times and after a couple minutes he finally asked you. 

“Are you ?” he whispers, the room is silent. 

“Am I?” you ask.

“Pregnant ?” he finishes the question and you smile. 

“Yeah, I am” your hand rests on his, he pulls you into his side for a hug. You hug him, trying not to squish him and hurt him even more. 

“Okay,” you sit up and toss another shirt that said the same thing to Eddie. He caught it and smiled, “because Christopher couldn't have a better dad than you” Eddie gives you a smile and whispers a thank you. 

The next shirt gets tossed to Chim, he laughs. “You got one for me too?” he asks, pulling the shirt on over his sweater. “Yeah because baby girl Buckley is gonna be one lucky baby, despite your not-so-funny dad jokes” Maddie laughs at the comment, Chim does too. 

The last shirt goes over to Bobby. He gives you a look, “what’s this for ?” he asks, “Because not only have you been amazing with May and Harry but you’ve got a fire station full of ‘children’ that rely on you. Just a thanks for bringing them home in one piece, well for the most part” you pat Buck’s side.

The room is filled with happiness and love, the 118 was together once again, not just as firefighters but as a family. 

-- 

taglist: @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover

[himbodiaz]

Watch Me Fall Apart (And I'll Be Yours to Keep)

1856 words. After a tough rescue, both Eddie and Buck end up in the hospital. 

title from only love by ben howard. i wrote most of this in one sitting with no beta so just *gestures vaguley* here 

They've both been here too many times to count—covered in soot, smoke in their lungs, sweat plastering their hair to their faces, but never at the same time. Never where the other can't be near to see, to place a hand on a shoulder, to lean against in support. A fire in a high-rise, a family trapped on the upper floors, and that's all it took for Buck to grab the ropes, Eddie behind him, because where one goes, the other follows. It's their routine, their deal, the promise to have each other's backs, to support whenever needed, it's just never ended them both in the hospital at the same time.

Eddie is the first one released—Buck had been the first to go in, and made sure that Eddie was out before him, because of course he did. And maybe Eddie should've insisted that Buck get out before him, should've argued with him for an extra five seconds, should've done something so that Buck doesn't have to spend the night in the hospital alone. But he didn't, and now Eddie is being sent home and the doctor is refusing to let him see Buck.  

"Mr. Diaz," the doctor says, "Your friend is fine."

Eddie wants to argue with her, because friend? Friend? Like Buck and Eddie have been anything but friends for a long time. Like Buck isn't laying in a hospital bed alone, when Eddie should be there to support him. Like by denying him seeing Buck, all the smoke that was in Eddie's lungs returns and it's almost impossible to breathe for the second time tonight.

"He's asleep now and resting," she continues when Eddie opens his mouth to argue, "Which you should be doing, too. You need to go home and rest, you can come see him in the morning."

"But—"

"Mr. Diaz," she cuts him off, remaining polite, but obviously frustrated, "Visiting hours have been over for a long time, and Mr. Buckley will be discharged in the morning. Someone will give you a call, and you can pick him up then."

The doctor's tone is one of finality, but Eddie can't take no for an answer. Before he can continue pleading his case, Bobby arrives. He comes over to Eddie and the doctor, placing a reassuring hand on Eddie's shoulder. "I've got it from here, thanks doc," he says, before steering Eddie toward the exit. They've barely made it out the doors before Eddie shakes Bobby's hand from his shoulder, and turns on him.

"Bobby," he all but begs, "You have to let me see him. They brought us in at the same time, but I haven't seen him since. I know it's smoke inhalation, and probably some fatigue and dehydration, but they won't let me see him." Eddie knows how he sounds, knows it's desperate in a way he normally isn't, but it's Buck. It's Buck, who has ended up in hospitals more times than he cares to count, who is his partner, who made sure that Eddie got out of the building first, even knowing it would land him more time here—he can't just leave him behind.

"Eddie," Bobby says as evenly as possible—it's the same tone he uses on distraught spouses, and Eddie wants to cry, "I need you to take a breath for a minute, okay? Just take a moment to calm down, and then we'll figure it out."

And yeah, Eddie probably does need to collect himself, because while smoke inhalation can be serious, Buck is getting exactly the care he needs right now. There's nothing for Eddie to do, yet it doesn't stop the helplessness that's settled in the space between his ribs, which only worsened after the doctor told him he was being discharged without Buck. So, Eddie shuts his eyes, and allows himself a few moments to just breathe, to focus on the air entering and then leaving his lungs, to focus on the feeling of his chest rising and falling. It helps steady him, helps him come back to a relatively even keel.

"Are you good to drive?" Is the first thing that Bobby asks once Eddie opens his eyes. He doesn't think he can talk without freaking out again, so he nods his response. "Okay, good. What's going to happen is I'm going to drive you back to the station, you're going to get your truck, take it home, see Christopher, and go to sleep. Because the doctor was right, you need to rest. And in the morning, when the hospital calls you, you'll go pick up Buck. Sound like a plan?"

Now that he's calmed down and the adrenaline that's been keeping him alert has worn off, Eddie feels a deep tiredness settle in his bones, and it takes all his remaining energy to stay on his feet. Again, Eddie nods in response, walks over to the car, and says, "Take me to the station, Cap." And that's what Bobby does.

Normally, when one of the crew returns from the hospital, the rest of the shift is there to greet them, but no one is there when Eddie arrives, and he's grateful. His nerves are fried, he's exhausted, and he doesn’t think he could handle the team's questions right now. All he wants to do is shower, grab his bag, and go home—thankfully, he's able to do that without even hearing the low hum of conversation that's ever present in the loft.

Eddie is locking the front door behind him and taking off his shoes while he debates whether or not to wake Chris just so he can give him a hug. It's only when he's finally made it to Chris' door that he has his answer—not because he came to a decision himself, but because one was made for him.

Chris' bed is empty, and for a heartbeat Eddie panics, because Christopher isn't in his bed, but then he remembers: he was injured on hour twelve of a twenty-four-hour shift, so of course Chris isn't here. And Eddie should feel relieved, should feel calmer now, but all he can think about is the fact that he can't see his son, and he can't see Buck, and suddenly it's like the anchors that were holding his mooring in place have let go, and he's adrift.

Eddie tries to breathe, tries to remind himself that both his boys are okay, they're both being looked after, they're both safe. He goes to the kitchen, fills a glass with water, and drinks it all in one go. He fills it again, this time bringing it to his room, setting it down on the table beside his bed. Eddie changes into an old t-shirt that Buck left behind ages ago and an old pair of army sweatpants before he slides into bed.

Now that he's home and in bed, the exhaustion should be catching up with him, all but dragging him to sleep. Except, now that Eddie's alone, he can't stop thinking about how quiet the house is, how empty it feels. Even on nights when Chris is away at a sleepover, Buck would always come over, and they'd watch a movie, or a hockey game, or just talk over beers. The negative space, normally filled by laughter and jokes and, god, even Buck's snoring in his ear, feels like a noose around his neck. No matter what he does, Eddie just cannot sleep.

So, Eddie lays in bed and does his best not to think about the call that ended him up here, and Buck alone in the hospital. Does his best not to think about how he should have told Buck to take the daughter out while he got the father. Does his best not to think about how Buck removed his mask to help the victim breathe, and putting himself in danger. A shuddering sob rips through his chest, and he forces himself to sit up because he needs to get air in his lungs or he'll choke on his guilt and fear.

The clock on beside his bed reads quarter after five, so he figures that's good enough for morning, and gets up. He can't stay in his empty house any longer, so Eddie slips on the worn sweater that he keeps hanging off the back of his door, grabs his keys and wallet, puts on his shoes, and then he's out the door.

The drive to the hospital is quick, but now he has nothing to do but wait. He turns on the radio, but keeps it low so that it's just a hum in the background. At some point, Eddie must doze, because the next thing he knows, he's being startled awake by his ringtone and the clock on his dashboard reads half past seven.

"Hello, is this Mr. Di—"

"Yes," he interrupts the caller, not caring how he sounds, "I'm outside."  

"Okay, we'll send him to you now." And it's all Eddie can do to mumble a quick thank you before hanging up.

He doesn't go up to the doors, but his truck is parked close enough to the front that Buck can't miss him. Still, he gets out, leans against the driver side door, and waits. It doesn't take long, maybe a minute or two, and Buck is walking out the doors, looking side to side, eyes searching. He's clean, his curls are soft, if a little messy, and his whole face lights up the moment he sees Eddie.

"You look like shit," is the first thing Buck says to him. He comes right up to Eddie, less than a foot away, and Eddie has to clutch his hands together so he doesn't reach out and touch. But even without touching him, the weight that has made a home in Eddie's chest since last night melts away, like it's made of ice and Buck of flame.

"Well," Eddie tries to joke, "Not all of us got our beauty sleep." But he can't hide the heaviness in his voice, he can't help how it wavers now that the tension is gone, he can't help but lower his head.

"Hey, Eddie," Buck says earnestly, taking hands he didn't even realize were shaking in his own.  

And it's the softness in his voice, the thumb running over his knuckles, the pulse he can feel once he lets himself grip Buck's wrist, that gives him the strength to answer, "Yeah, Buck?"

"We're okay," Buck tells him, like a promise. Like the answer to a question Eddie hadn't dared ask because it terrified him. Buck's hands move from their grip on Eddie's, one hand sliding around his waist, the other coming to the back of his head.

"Yeah," Eddie whispers into the space between Buck's shoulder and neck, "we're okay."

Buck only holds him tighter now, his lips pressed to Eddie's temple, as he releases a shuttering breath. They stay there, each clutching the other, until they no longer feel adrift, until their moorings are once again anchored in a cove, and no longer lost in the rolling waves of the open ocean.

[thisissirius]

Eddie suffering PTSD tonight though?

*heavy breathing*

OKAY LISTEN

(look at me trying to work buck into this lmao even though he’s off with taylor)

equilibrium eddie/buck, spoilers for tonight’s promo, speculatiiion and what i want :P

“Get in the car,” Athena says. 

Buck and Taylor share a look. 

“Buck,” Athena presses. “In the car. Now.”

“Come on,” Taylor says. “Part of investigating is knowing when you should back off.”

Trying not to look Athena in the eye, Buck climbed into the back of her car. Taylor took the seat next to him, and neither of them seemed keen to look Athena in the eye. 

Athena tries to engage them in conversation, but only Taylor responds. There’s a weird feeling in the back of Buck’s chest that he can’t explain. He wants to fix this, to help Sue, and he can’t deny he likes hanging out with Taylor, especially now she’s content to mock him for his giant crush on Eddie. 

Eddie, who’s working without him. 

Buck wonders if Eddie feels as off kilter as he does when they’re not partners. Maybe that’s why he feels as if his skin’s crawling. Eddie’s probably dealing with someone who doesn’t understand him; who passes him the tools at the wrong time, or doesn’t get his ridiculous sense of humour. 

“Buckaroo,” Athena starts, then gets cut off by the radio. 

"All units, I’ve got an armed suspect!” Buck’s heart hammers in his chest. 

There’s a pause. Then Bobby, “we’re taking fire.”

“Units, shots fired!”

Athena’s got the lights on and they’re off. Buck knows this definitely isn’t protocol, but when he meets her eyes in the rearview, she just purses her lips together. 

Fuck. Bobby’s taking shots. Hen, Chim. Eddie. 

“Fuck,” Buck whispers furiously. 

Taylor reaches over, touches his hand. “He’ll be fine.”

Buck nods, says, “yeah,” even though he can’t shake the dread. 

The radio continues to yell, Athena muttering to herself, but Buck sinks into the headspace he reserves for panic. He doesn’t know what to expect when they pull up to the container yard, but it’s not;

“Buck,” Hen snaps, racing up to Athena’s car. 

“Wait,” Athena starts, but Hen’s ignoring her, tugging Buck closer. 

“We can’t get him to let the patient go, you understand?”

Buck blinks, confused, but then he sees Chim and Bobby, someone else, gathered around the front of the container. “What--”

“PTSD flashback,” Bobby says quickly. “We can’t get through.”

“Why do you think I-” Buck trails off as he steps closer to the doors. Eddie’s head immediately snaps up, focuses on him. 

“Buck,” Eddie says. Whispers. It’s raw, panicked, and Buck’s chest tightens. “Where have you been?”

Buck gives Bobby a look, then ducks down. 

“Buck,” Hen starts. 

“Shut up,” Buck whispers. Louder, he slides into the container, trying to stay low. “What’s the situation?”

Eddie stares at him, arms around the victim. She looks distressed, panicked, and Buck’s torn. He wants to help her, but he wants to help Eddie. Okay. First, victim. Second, Eddie. Eddie says nothing, just keeps staring.

“Okay,” Buck says carefully, mostly to himself. Eddie’s not present, that much is clear, but he’s trying desperately to be. Eddie’s looking from Buck, to the victim, to the container, and then back to Buck. He slides closer to Eddie. “Pass her here. You focus on protecting us okay?”

It’s going to the heart of Eddie, he knows. Eddie’s got a protective streak a mild wide when it comes to Chris, and Buck hopes he can tap into that for the victim. Eddie looks like he might refuse for a moment, but then he’s nodding. 

Buck blows out a breath, gestures for the woman to come to him. He doesn’t know where she’s hurt, why the call was put out, but she manages to disentangle herself from Eddie and shuffle closer. Buck grabs her, whispers, “go. Round the edge of the container.”

Panicked, she nods, giving Eddie a look before she rolls out of Buck’s way. 

“Eddie,” Buck says again. “Focus on me, alright?”

“I can’t,” Eddie says, and his voice is shaking. There’s a faraway look to his expression, and his hand keeps clenching and unclenching as if missing something. A gun, Buck knows. 

Buck doesn’t know what he’s doing here. He’s out of his depth. Eddie’s always kept his PTSD close to his chest. Buck knows he has nightmares, knows he gets thrown out of his head sometimes by a smell or a sound. Buck suffers the same around salt water, the sound of waves. 

Mints, Buck remembers. He’d read a book that said mints are supposed to be a strong smell enough to pull you back to the present. He doesn’t have any. Loud noises. Ice. Something sour. None of the things Buck has. 

“What can you see?”

Eddie’s head whips back around. 

“What can you see?” Buck asks again, sliding in front of Eddie. 

“You,” Eddie says. 

“Who am I?”

“Buck.” Eddie doesn’t sound exasperated, which worries Buck. 

Buck nods, holds out a hand. “That’s good. What else?”

“We’re,” Eddie starts, swallows. His hand flexes again. “Your hand.”

“Can I touch you?” Buck hardly dares breathe. He doesn’t know if this is a flashback. It feels more like disassociation; Eddie’s hand flexing, not around a gun like Buck thought, but rubbing his fingers against the palm of his hand. Trying to feel. 

Eddie nods, slowly, and Buck takes his hand. Eddie grabs tight, both hands wrapped around Buck’s. “I’m here, right?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, voice shaking. “Eddie, you’re here. In a container. On a call.”

A breath. Two. “Sirens.”

Good. “Yeah, Eddie. Voices?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “There was a victim, where-”

“She’s safe,” Buck assures him. “You back with me?”

Eddie doesn’t answer right away. He blinks, peering past Buck to the entrance of the container. “I don’t know.”

It takes a few more minutes. Buck rests his free hand on Eddie’s shoulder, waits for Eddie to stop shaking. It takes a while, time passes as people move around them, outside the container. Some of the sirens stop, others start up, and Buck focuses on Eddie. 

“I don’t think I’m all here.”

Buck feels his eyes burning. “That’s alright, Eddie. We’ve got time.”

Eddie licks at his bottom lip. “I wanna go home.”

“Alright,” Buck assures him, hand moving to the back of Eddie’s head. He’s not wearing his helmet, Buck realises, and feels sweat on the back of Eddie’s neck, his hair. “You okay to stand up?”

“Yeah.” Under other circumstances, Eddie would snap, tell Buck he can manage, and Buck wishes he would. It’s more familiar than the quiet noise Eddie makes when he climbs to his feet. “Buck-”

“Wait,” Buck says, when Hen and Bobby try to press forward. “Cap, I need to take him home.”

Bobby opens his mouth, looks at Eddie, then back to Buck. “Like this?”

Buck nods, desperately hopes Bobby understands. “He needs to be safe.”

“Alright,” Bobby says, and Buck’s grateful. He’s never been so thankful Bobby understands with barely any words. “We’ll call later, alright?”

Moving back, Hen and Chim start barking at others to clear the area, and Buck hears Athena’s voice in there. When he and Eddie step out of the container, Eddie flinching from the light, Buck looks towards Athena’s car. Athena’s there, yelling at someone, and Taylor’s right there. She gives Buck a look, a tight smile, and then says something to Athena. 

Eddie seems content to follow Buck, keeping one hand around Buck’s, squeezing every now and then. His eyes dart from lights to containers, around the commotion surrounding the shooter, towards the bright lights. “S’bright.”

“Just the emergency vehicles,” Buck assures him. “What are you focusing on?”

“Your aftershave,” Eddie says, and Buck wants to cry at the expression on Eddie’s face. He looks lost, a little disorientated. “It’s the one you keep at mine.”

Buck nods, remembers putting it on before leaving Chris in Pepa’s capable hands. “Yeah, it is.”

When they reach the barrier, Athena intercepts, making sure to keep a few feet between her and Eddie and Buck. 

“You need a ride?” Athena asks. 

“Eddie?” Buck asks. “You want Athena to take us home?”

In response, Eddie’s head snaps up and he takes a deep breath. “Chris?”

“He’s safe,” Buck says, cupping Eddie’s cheek. “Look at me? He’s safe, Eddie. We’re just getting in Athena’s car, going back home, alright?”

Eddie nods slowly, blinks, and then seems to notice the car. “Athena.”

“Hey,” Athena says, sounding more gentle than Buck can remember. “You wanna see Chris? I’ll get you there, baby.”

Remaining pliant as they gently get him into the car, Eddie buckles himself in, which is a small improvement. Buck closes the door and lets out a shaky breath. 

“You alright?” Taylor asks. Athena’s watching him too, both of them concerned. 

“I will be,” Buck says, realising it’s true as he does. “When we get Eddie safe.”

That doesn’t take long; Athena manages to get them to Eddie’s house quickly, and Eddie seems a little more aware when Buck pulls him from the car. 

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Athena says, and Buck knows she means more than just Eddie. He nods, watches her drive away, while Eddie turns his face into Buck’s neck. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, startled when Eddie takes deep breaths, hand fisted in Buck’s shirt. Belatedly, he realises what Eddie’s doing. “My aftershave?”

Eddie nods, pulls back a little. “We’re on my driveway. My house.”

“Chris is inside,” Buck says. “Your room, your bed.”

Buck’s got a spare key to the house, which he’s grateful for now they’re standing at the front door. He’s not sure he wants to drive back to the station for Eddie’s stuff. He manages to get Inside the door and down the hall, where Eddie presses into Chris’ room, slides to his knees by the bed. He’s dirty, shaking and breathing heavy as he presses a kiss to Chris’ forehead. 

“Buck,” he says eventually, sounding wrecked. 

Buck moves forward, a hand in Eddie’s hair, down to the back of his neck. “I’m here. Come on, up you get.”

Eddie lets himself be led into his bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed. “I hate this.”

“I know,” Buck says. Eddie doesn’t need his pity, his platitudes. He needs Buck to be safe, an anchor. “You feel that?”

“The sheets,” Eddie says with a nod. “I can hear the humidifier.”

“Good.” Buck tugs off Eddie’s work clothes. “You need a shower?”

Eddie shakes his head. “It’ll feel weird, like needles. I just want, can we just,” he doesn’t seem to know what to settle on, toes curling into the carpet when Buck pulls off his socks, as if trying to focus on touch. 

“I’ve got you,” Buck assures him, takes Eddie’s hand. They can sort everything else in the morning. Buck tucks them both under the covers, runs his fingers up Eddie’s arm. “Feel that?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, breathless. He curves into Buck’s space, eyes wide. “I can hear your heartbeat.”

It’s progress. Not a solution, but progress. Gently, Buck presses Eddie’s head to his chest, runs a hand through his hair. “Alright?”

“Soon,” Eddie says, and his fingers fist in the sheets beneath them. “A dog barking.”

Buck can hear it, the terrier from a few doors down. “The cars?”

“Yeah.” Eddie’s voice sounds small, exhausted. “Your shirt is the soft one.”

Laughing, Buck presses a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. “Your hair needs a wash.”

“Can’t feel that,” Eddie says, and it’s so close to Eddie that Buck lets out a shaky breath of his own, relieved. A hesitation. Then, quietly, Eddie says, “Thank you.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Buck replies. He tightens his grip on Eddie, runs his fingers over Eddie’s hip, under his shirt. “I’ve got you.”

“I know,” Eddie says, voice heavy with wonder, with relief. 

Buck closes his eyes. “You’re safe.”

Eddie remains tight in the circle of Buck’s arms, whispers, “with you,” like a promise.

not sure i like this, but yolo. i’m also sure this won’t happen tonight whoops.

[somebodycall911onabc]

Some post-4x13 Buddie because ummmm no to everything that just went down and whatever the hell they're doing with that promo. Pre-relationship Eddie introspection, guest-starring sleepy Buck and Chris (how often can I have these two idiots—Buck and Eddie, not Chris—wake each other up too goddamn early in the morning; the answer is infinite).

Eddie wakes up.

The world is a quiet, washed-out hum of static and dim light. He listens to his breath, in and out, in and out, as the room comes into focus. The rhythmic beeping monitor. The rough sheets over his chest. The hollowed-out numb of his shoulder where—

fuck. Where he’d been shot.

Eddie blinks open his eyes and grimaces. He’s probably doped to hell but his shoulder aches like forest fire, like a pain that will consume him and the whole world too, if he lets it. His head feels like someone pumped it full of air right up until the point before it bursts. He grits his teeth and gathers saliva on his tongue, carefully distributes it so that when he swallows, it will feel less like he’s ingesting a quart of sand. He knows this song and dance. He wiggles his fingers and toes and notes that remarkably, everything’s in working order. He wonders how often you can cheat death before that karma comes to get you.

Although he thinks Buck would probably go to bat for him, even against death himself. The heart monitor spikes as Eddie remembers with a vicious and cruel clarity Buck’s eyes on his as Eddie shuddered and collapsed. Buck’s wide, deer-in-headlights eyes, all that Eddie could see, just two pinprick pupils until there was nothing else, just the black, blank darkness.

Eddie tips his head to the side and opens his eyes, unclenching his fists, and nearly reels back when he sees Ana. She’s crumpled in the seat beside him, her chin resting on her collarbone, her long, dark eyelashes twitching against her cheek as she sleeps.

He closes his eyes and turns his head away.

But Ana’s a light sleeper. She was already waking up when he looked at her, roused from the shallow depths of unconsciousness by the change in Eddie’s breathing pattern, or something. His eyes are still closed when she croaks out, “Eddie?”

He looks at her.

“Eddie!” She says, raising her hands to flutter them over his chest, his face, his un-wounded shoulder. “You’re awake! You’re alive! Thank God,” she says, fervent. Like a prayer.

“Guess I’m just… lucky,” Eddie wheezes out. She smiles at him, eyes watering, and he gave the PG-version of his Silver Star story in her classroom but there’s no hint of recognition in her eyes.

“Either the luckiest man alive, or the unluckiest,” she says. “I’m pretty sure a lucky man wouldn’t be shot at quite so much.” She presses a kiss to his temple and Eddie has the horrible impulse to bat her away from him like she’s an overbearing aunt.

God, he’s an idiot. And it would take getting shot for him to realize it.

“What… happened?” Eddie asks, relieved when she leans back and settles into her chair.

“I’m not sure… I heard there was a sniper on the scene. The police think he might be targeting first responders, because how could this year get any worse?” When she shakes her head, her curls bounce in a way Eddie found appealing, once. It feels like a million years ago.

“Chris?” He asks, heart racing once more. She glances at the monitor and then back to him, offering a reassuring smile that does little to soothe his nerves.

“He’s OK. Buck’s with him.” Those three words calm Eddie instantly, like someone turning off an electric kettle, the worry bubbling up inside him simmering to a still. Because it means Chris is OK, and so is Buck. “I’m really grateful to Buck,” Ana is saying, taking his hand in hers, drawing his attention back to her. “It means I get to be here, with you.” She smiles at him like he’s fragile.

Wrong.

Eddie looks at her and doesn’t know how to tell her. How to tell her that the right thing would be for her to be at Chris’s side. That Chris always came first. Chris was the first and only priority. Chris was Eddie’s heart, raw and exposed, just like Bobby had said.

He looks at her and thinks about Chris’s smile, how he lights up the minute Ana walks in the room. He thinks about Chris confessing to him, quiet and anxious, that he’d asked Santa to find Mommy. He thinks about his parents telling him that the proper thing to do was to marry the girl carrying his child, even if he wasn’t sure he loved her.

Chris has been and will always be the most important thing in Eddie’s life. But Eddie’s starting to realize that even with a Northstar as good and perfect as Chris, Eddie didn’t always make the best choices. For himself, for Chris, or for their family.

“Can you call Buck, for me?” Eddie asks, brushing his thumb over Ana’s delicate knuckles. “If it’s not too late. I want to see my boys.”

She hastily bends down to pick up her purse and fumble her phone out, tell him it was fine, Buck had wanted her to call him as soon as Eddie woke up, anyway. He catches a glimpse of a “5” as she unlocks the phone and opens her contact list.

In the early morning, hospital quiet, Eddie can hear the phone ring on the other end of the line. Once, twice. Click.

“Hello?’ Buck asks, voice scratchy with sleep.

“Let me talk to him,” Eddie says, before Ana can get a word in. She hesitates, opens her mouth, but he holds her gaze until she extends the phone to him. Eddie’s hand is steady when he takes it from her.

“Hey,” Eddie says. Buck’s bleary-eyed, curls smashed to one side of his head, half his face obscured by a dark shape.

“Eddie,” Buck says, a ragged, relieved sound. He shifts, and Eddie hears him say, “Chris, Chris wake up, it’s your dad, Chris, he’s OK!”

And then there’s another face, pressing too close to the camera, so that Eddie mostly sees a nostril and some chin.

“Daddy!” Chris whoops, and Eddie smiles, and Buck pulls Chris back from the phone screen so Eddie can see him.

“Hey there, buddy,” Eddie says, “sorry I scared you.”

“W-wasn’t scared,” Chris insists, blinking rapidly because without his glasses, the world was mostly a multi-colored smudge. “I had Buck.”

Buck—who settles Chris’s glasses over his face with heartbreaking tenderness. Buck—who wraps an arm around Chris and scoots them back against the headboard so they can both see Eddie. Buck—who had clearly been sleeping in Chris’s bed, keeping him safe while Eddie was getting several pints of blood pumped into his body and shrapnel extricated from his shoulder.

“That’s good,” Eddie says. “Really good.”

“We knew you’d be OK,” Buck says. “Right, Superman?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause of your lucky charm.”

Eddie has to close his eyes against that. Chris is still so young, still Disney-innocent and honey-sweet, and Buck knew exactly what to say to calm Chris down. He knew Chris’s favorite bedtime story and the playlist Eddie made for him to help Chris fall asleep.

“That’s right,” Eddie chokes out. “My St. Christopher medal.”

“No.” Eddie blinks at that, at the stubborn line of Chris’s mouth. “Me. And Buck.”

Buck looks just about as surprised as Eddie feels.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“What?” Buck asks.

“What?” Chris asks, confused at their confusion. He addresses Buck. “Daddy said that I was his good l-l-luck charm. Because he loves me. A-and he loves you, so you’re his good luck charm too.”

Eddie isn’t sure if his kid is perceptive or just putting together ideas in the way only kids can. But it doesn’t really matter, because he isn’t wrong.

“Got me there,” Eddie agrees. “I must be pretty lucky, since I’ve got the both of you watching my back.”

Buck’s smiling a pleased, sunshine grin. The room is too dark and the connection is too poor, but Eddie would bet money that Buck’s blushing.

Eddie very deliberately doesn’t look at Ana.

“We’ll come visit as soon as the hospital opens,” Buck promises. “It’s good you called, because we should probably get going.”

To his right, Chris gives a huge yawn.

“You sure? I’m not going anywhere.”

“You think we’re gonna be able to sleep now that you’re awake? No way.”

“No way!’ Chris agrees.

“We’ll be there in fifteen. Twenty. Ten?” Buck looks down at Chris.

“Five!” Chris shouts. “The f-firetruck could make it in five minutes!”

“But we only have Buck’s jeep,” Buck says, pouting at Chris. “Definitely not a firetruck.”

“Fifteen,” Chris amends.

“OK,” Eddie says with a laugh that barely hurts. “I’ll see you soon. Thanks, Buck.”

“For what?” Buck asks, ruffling Chris’s hair with the hand that had been draped over Chris’s shoulders. “Be there soon.”

The call disconnects with the finality of a book snapping shut. He squares his shoulders (as much as he can while lying in an inclined hospital bed with a bullet injury) and turns his head to face Ana.

Her eyes are narrowed and hard, like ice over a troubled stream.

“So,” she says, slow and calm, “Buck?”

“Yeah” Eddie says. It’s all he can say. He can’t tell her how to be what he needs, what Chris needs. He can’t tell her to put Chris first like a reflex, like an instinct.

He doesn’t blame her. He isn’t mad at her. He isn’t even disappointed. He’s as shocked as anyone that he met someone who understood, immediately and profoundly, that Chris was Eddie’s world. Eddie had never counted on someone like Buck. And it was time he stopped running from that and accepted it for the undeserved, unparallelled gift that it was.

“I’m sorry,” he adds.

“Me too.” Ana takes her phone back with a snap of her wrist and drops it in her purse. “I’m going to go home.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, feeling a little guilty. He knows what it’s like to feel left behind, waking up with nothing but a note and the realization that you could never be good enough.

Ana gets to her feet and smooths the wrinkles of her blouse, and for a moment she reminds him so much of Shannon that he’s dizzy. The straight back, the self-posession, the tumble of curls swept over her shoulder.

He hopes Ana finds a love worthy of her, someone who will treasure her and believe her when she says, “sometimes our limitations let us know who we are.”

Because Eddie looked at the world like a challenge. He threw himself into it like the world might burn up tomorrow, but he would fight to the last breath anyway. He peeled away honorable discharge and may experience lifelong mobility dilemmas and we know what’s best for him and don’t you know how hard it is to be a single father like strips of old paint.

And Buck was the same way. Buck was I had to do it and didn’t you know Jim Abbot played baseball with only one hand and I’m in. You wanted us to bond, Cap. We might end up real close.

Eddie watches Ana leave, her heels clicking sharp against the tiled floor. At the door, she turns her head.

“I am glad you’re OK, Edmundo.”

“Thank you.”

And then she’s gone.

And then Eddie waits, anticipation mounting, for his boys to bring him home.

[lemonzestywrites]

sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

paring: buck x eddie

word count: 2,268

tw: panic attacks, implied claustrophobia 

[ao3 link]

_____

Buck has never been a fan of the dark. Especially as a child, the thought alone had brought along too many nightmares and memories of running to Maddie’s room to make her double-check for monsters under his bed. It doesn’t bother him as much anymore, but still, every now and again, on nights where his anxiety is all too present for his liking, the same twinge of uneasiness will find itself scratching away at his brain.

He hasn’t felt it in a while, but that itch has been sitting at the base of his subconscious since he’s clocked in for his shift, and now Buck can’t help but be on edge. He tries his best to ignore it and go on with his day, but the next 12 hours tick by with a foreboding weariness he can’t quite place.

The hospital only makes it worse. The plain white walls, the PA system going off every other minute, the frigid cold that sticks to his skin, he hates all of it. There’s a small voice in the back of his head that wonders if it’s just the result of having been admitted so many times. It doesn’t feel like all too sure of reasoning, but he’d rather not linger on the thought too long. So instead, Buck settles for it and chalks it up to nerves, making a mental note to bring it up during his next session with Dr. Copeland. Until then, he should be fine.

Emphasis on should.

Because apparently, the universe gets a real kick out of watching Buck suffer since it wasn’t enough that the hospital’s power went out- no, the entire fucking city got hit with a widespread blackout. And if that wasn’t worrying enough, Eddie hasn’t been answering his radio, and Buck’s phone isn’t working either. He does his best to stay calm, really he does, but with every passing minute of radio silence, the sick coil of nerves knotted in his stomach only gets tighter and tighter.

After 10 minutes of no response, Bobby had given Buck the go-ahead to go look for Eddie, and that’s all he needed before he’s off, weaving through the halls of the hospital heading to where he’d seen him last. If it weren’t for whatever shred of self-control in him, Buck would probably be sprinting through the building by now.

Eddie’s been back to work for only about a couple weeks now. And he’s doing great (obviously, he wouldn’t have gotten cleared to go back if he wasn’t). Buck is happy for him- happy that his best friend is back. God knows the last couple of months had been rough without Eddie, he had spent the last couple of years carving out and filling a special place in the station especially reserved for him, and then all of a sudden, it had been vacant again.

Buck is excited that he’s working again, really he is. But now the energy between them feels…different, and he knows why- they both do. It’s not like Buck had expected them to come back completely fine either. But even months after the shooting, they still have yet to talk about any of it. A part of him feels like they should, but in the months he stayed over at Eddie’s, helping out however he could during his recovery, Buck could see the toll everything had taken on him, both physically and mentally. Eddie didn’t seem ready to unpack that with him yet, and Buck wasn’t going to push him.

It’s fine. He knows Eddie has been going back to therapy. They’ll talk whenever he’s ready.

Buck does his best to give Eddie his space, let him, you know, do his job, but the past weeks feel like he’s been doing nothing but living on the edge. Every time Eddie’s out of his sight for too long, he can hear a voice screaming at him, ‘Where is he? Is he okay? Find him. Protect him. Find him. You said you’d have his back. Your fault. Your fault. Your fa-’

Then Eddie will turn the corner, and Buck’s lungs will release a breath he hadn’t known he was holding on to. He hopes it’ll take the fear, too, that with every sigh won’t just be a release of pressure but help let go of the irrational worry he has. But it never does. It eats away at him, taunting him with the idea that Eddie might get hurt again, but this time Buck won’t be there to help him.

(God, they really should talk.)

He still doesn’t bring it up. Instead, Buck sets aside his apprehension and tries not to indulge in the panicked voice in his subconscious. He’s been getting better at it.

At least he was.

All it took was 15- no, 16 minutes now- of radio silence for Buck’s heart to start pounding against his chest in rapid succession. For the nervousness to shoot through his veins, thrumming all the way down to the tips of fingers as they twitch with a numbing unease. He treads through the halls keeping his head on a swivel, alert and attentive to trying to find his best friend in the sea of patients and doctors. Eddie’s probably somewhere in the hospital helping out the staff; he is a medic after all. Yet despite any amount of reasoning Buck tries to apply, the sickening feeling in his stomach doesn’t seem to dissipate. It’s been 16 minutes, and he hasn’t had any luck. He’s even circled the floor twice just to be sure, but still, nothing.

He’s considering doing another lap when he hears it- the distant noise of someone banging on metal coming from behind the elevator doors. The sound is so faint, paired with the loud frenzy of the rest of the hospital floor, that Buck almost doesn’t hear it.

He rushes to the doors, pressing his ear flushed against it. He can hear someone yelling, but the voice is too muffled to make out what they’re saying.

“Eddie?” He calls out, no doubt getting a couple odd looks from the passing medical staff, but he pays them no mind. He bangs on the doors a couple times before yelling again louder, “Eddie! It’s Buck- can you hear me?”

There’s a beat of silence before the pounding continues again, this time with much more force in response. Buck doesn’t waste any time before he digs his fingers between the doors, using everything he has to pry them apart. The muscles in his shoulders and arms strain, but the creaking of metal offers enough motive to keep him going. Even if it’s not Eddie, it still means someone’s trapped down there.

(A selfish part of him still hopes, though.)

Once the doors are opened wide enough for him, Buck drops to his stomach to peer down into the elevator currently caught between two floors. Even with the little light he does have, he sees a curled-up shadow crouched in the corner below him, “Eddie?”

The person shifts, “Buck?”

There’s nothing more Buck wants than to revel in the relief he feels when he finally hears Eddie’s voice, but it quickly scatters when he notices the trembling panic coated in his tone.

“It’s me,” Buck reassures with as much steadiness he can force out and just hopes that Eddie doesn’t hear the way his voice shakes out the words. “Are you okay?”

Eddie sucks in a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I-I can’t breathe.”

Buck’s mind starts to spin, panicking on what to do now. The gap in between the doors isn’t that big, so it’s not like he can slip down there with Eddie or pull him out either. He has enough sensibility to grab at his radio to at least let Bobby aware of his status, “Cap, I found Eddie. He’s trapped in an elevator stuck between the 7th and 6th floors.”

A few seconds pass before he hears Bobby’s voice on the other end, “Okay, we’re working on getting the hospital’s backup generator working. Stay with him until we can get it back online, then we’ll head up to you.”

Eddie lets out a strangled noise at his words. The twinge of panic in Buck’s stomach only coils tighter when he realizes how Eddie’s breathing seems to pick up, now coming out in quick hallow shivers.

‘He’s having a panic attack.’ Buck realizes.

It takes less than a couple seconds after for Buck to murmur a hasty “copy that” into his radio before he readjusts his focus back to his friend.

He’s not unfamiliar with panic attacks, his or Eddie’s, most of which being the results of nightmares that seem to linger when dusk settles. During the last few months, Buck has lost count of the nights that either one of them has woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air, and in the midst of alarm and fear, craving a recognizable magnetism of being held. A silent want to be assured protection and comforted.

It’s sick now. How there’s nothing more Buck desires than to provide that same security now, but the small two-foot gap between the elevator doors draws out to what feels like miles of distance.

Even though he can’t crawl down there with him, Buck finds himself reaching into the elevator shaft as far as he can, “Eddie, can you grab onto my hand for me?” Listen- he knows what he’s doing isn’t entirely safe, sticking his arm into an elevator that hasn’t been secure yet. But the sound of Eddie’s breath coming out in nothing but shaky huffs is more than enough to make him forgo any logic.

From within the enclosure of the elevator, he feels Eddie grasp his hand with an iron grip, the distress trembling at his fingers.

“Hey, I’m here, I’m right here, alright?” Buck presses the conviction through his tone, his best attempt to override his own uncertainty. “Do you think you can try and take some deep breaths?”

Buck can faintly make out the silhouette of Eddie nodding, “Y-Yeah,” he mutters. “Yeah, I can try.”

“We can do them together,” Buck offers. He takes a deep breath himself, and from below him, he hears Eddie take one too. Unconsciously, Buck starts to tighten his hold in tandem with their breathing, squeezing his hand on an inhale, loosening his grasp on the exhale. He hadn’t really realized he’s doing it until after a couple breaths, Eddie starts doing it too. And with each squeeze, his grasp slowly becomes more determined and less shaky. It doesn’t take long for them to eventually sync up for the tremor in Eddie’s hands to fade.

A couple more moments pass, and his breathing begins to steady more.

“How you doing down there, Eds?”

“Can you…”, he clears his throat, an attempt to hide how wrecked he sounds. “Can you talk to me?- About anything, it doesn’t matter.”

Buck rattles his brain for something, anything to talk about before he remembers the nature documentary he had watched several nights prior, “Did you know toucans are born blind?”

He hears Eddie laugh; it comes out breathless and nervous, but it’s a laugh nonetheless, “Really?”

“Yeah, ironically enough, they also aren’t great at flying either. They usually hop from one branch to another to get where they want to go.”

“Tell me more?” He asks, his voice quiet.

Buck smiles and keeps going, rambling about birds for a while. He doesn’t really know for how long, and at some point, he loses his awareness of what he’s saying, more focused on Eddie than anything else. Faintly, he wonders if his arm is getting tired by now.

“You know, Chris has been learning about biomes and ecosystems in school…he’d love to hear all this stuff.”

“You can tell him all about it after work.” He reassures.

Eddie’s hand twitches in his palm. “How much longer?” Buck can hear the dread creeping back into his tone.

“I…”

Not too long. He wants to promise, but the words get caught in his throat. There are a lot of things Buck can do- lying to Eddie isn’t one of them. “I-I don’t know.” He finally admits, the shame dripping down from him. “We’re gonna get you out of here.”

Eddie laughs, yet this time there’s no shred of humor in his voice, “I’m not sure if I can last any longer down here, Buck.” God, he sounds on the verge of tears.

“What can I do?” Fuck, at this point, Buck would do anything. Hell, he’d pull the damn elevator up himself if he had to. Whatever it would take to get Eddie back on safe ground.

“Just-” A pained noise escapes him, “Please don’t leave.”

Buck swears his heart fucking shatters. “Hey.” Even though he can’t see exactly where Eddie is, he does his best to look him in the eye before he squeezes his hand, “I’m not leaving your side, okay?”

The first thing Buck’s fire instructor had said during his training at the academy was never make a promise you can’t keep. Buck knows how important promises are to people, especially in states of emergencies. In the middle of chaos, those two words are all anyone needs to cling to. So that’s why, when Eddie looks at him, with what little light there is provided catching the edges of his watery eyes laced in fear and worry, Buck doesn’t hesitate to grip his hand as tight as he can. To hold on and look at Eddie with all the conviction and certainty he has and tell him,

“I promise.”

[caitlesshea]

love is not designed for the cynical

The new recruit, Buck, is a mystery to Hen and the rest of the team. So what happens when they find out he’s a father? Well, they find out he’s married, too.

army!eddie + firefighter!buck secret marriage au

Hen hasn’t known Buck for long, but she likes to think she at least understands him. Somewhat. 

What she doesn’t understand is what he just told her. 

“You lived in Texas?”

“Yeah, I mean that’s where we were before LA,” Buck answers innocently enough.

We? 

“Why Texas?” Hen asks and Buck looks at her funny. 

“It’s where we went after I left the Navy. To catch our bearings.”

Who’s this ‘we’? Wait. 

“Navy?” Hen looks at Buck like he has six heads. “You were in the Navy?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, SEALs. About eight years.”

“You were a Navy SEAL?” Hen asks again, slowly this time, because she can’t be hearing this right. Buck’s like a golden retriever.

“Yeah. You okay, Hen?” Buck chuckles and pats her shoulder as he walks away to head upstairs to the loft. 

“He just said that right?” Hen asks Chimney as he walks up next to her.

“Yep.”

It doesn’t fit, it doesn’t. 

Until it does, two weeks later, when Buck does a rope rescue they definitely didn’t learn at the academy. 

~~~

Hen likes to think she’s intelligent. Hell, she knows she is. But something about Buck still evades her and she wants to know what it is. 

“Hey, Buck. We were gonna go get drinks after shift, do you want to join us?” She nudges Chimney and he nods enthusiastically.

“Oh, I would, but I can’t after work. Maybe we can schedule something else?” Buck asks hopefully and Hen nods. 

“Sure, I’ll see if we can get a sitter for Denny and I’ll bring Karen.”

“Great! I can’t wait to meet her.” Buck bounds down the stairs and Hen turns to Chimney from where he’s shoveling food into his mouth.

“That was weird right?”

“Maybe he doesn’t drink.” Chimney shrugs but Hen doesn’t think that’s it.

“He would’ve said that. Bobby’s already told him he’s sober so wouldn’t Buck have said ‘oh hey, me too’?” 

“Maybe. What’s your deal with him?” 

“Nothing. We just don’t know much about him,” Hen says after a moment.

“Hey. We know he’s great at his job, if a little reckless, the rest will come with time.” Chimney pats her shoulder. 

“You aren’t curious?”

“Oh, I am. But you’re doing enough snooping for the both of us.”

Hen resents that, because she’s not snooping. She’s not. 

But she is curious. 

~~~

Luckily, for her, she doesn’t have to ask Buck about his family, because it shows up one day in the form of a cute little boy with curly blonde hair. 

“Papa!” A young voice shouts and they all turn toward the bay door where they see the young boy walk in on crutches, followed by a woman who’s smiling at him, who looks vaguely familiar.

“Christopher!” Buck shouts as he runs towards the boy and lifts him up in a huge hug. “What are you doing here?” 

“Aunt Maddie said we could come surprise you cause I got an ‘A’ on my test!” 

“You did? Good job, Superman.”

“She also said we could get ice cream,” The boy, Christopher, stage whispers. Buck laughs and then mock glares at the woman, Maddie. 

“She did? Well you still have to eat your dinner tonight.” 

“I will, Papa.” 

At that Buck smiles and sets Christopher down as he turns towards everyone. He smiles a little sheepishly and then introduces them.

“This is my son Christopher and my sister Maddie.”

“Hi,” Hen shakes Maddie’s hand and then smiles at Christopher. “Hi, Christopher. I’m Hen.”

“I know! My Papa talks about everyone here.” 

“You’re adorable. I’m gonna have to see baby photos of you Buckaroo because I don’t believe it,” Hen teases.

Buck laughs as his cheeks turn red and then Chris and Maddie are walking away with Bobby as Chimney stares after Maddie. 

“Quit it,” Hen elbows him and Chimney just shrugs.

“What?”

“Did you know he was a dad?” Hen asks and Chimney shakes his head. Hen looks on as Christopher tells Buck about his day and she smiles. “It looks good on him.” 

~~~

Hen has never seen Buck so jittery, and that’s saying something. Ever since he found out the address of the accident, he’s been quiet, checking his phone constantly, and worrying his lip between his teeth. 

The truck has barely pulled to a stop before Buck is running out. 

“Shannon!” 

A woman, Shannon, steps out of the house and into Buck’s arms.

“Buck! It’s my mom, she fell, and…” 

“Hey, hey. It’s alright, we’ll take care of her.” Buck calms Shannon down and then she nods and heads into the house with the rest of them following.

“Janet? It’s Buck,” Buck crouches down next to the woman on the ground, who, while in pain, looks at him and smiles. 

Chimney and Hen load Janet into the ambulance and Shannon goes to grab her car. 

“Christopher,” Shannon says quietly. 

“I’ll tell Maddie. Call me once you know what’s going on. I can bring him if you need me to.”

“Thank you.”

“‘Course.” Buck smiles and Shannon kisses his cheek as she drives away after the ambulance. 

“Friend of yours?” Hen asks as they put their things away. 

“Yeah. She’s Christopher’s mom.” 

“Oh. Oh. Really?” 

“Yep,” Buck laughs. “She moved here to take care of her mom and we followed.”

“That’s good you two stayed friends,” Hen comments.

“Oh, no we’re - ”

“Invite her to the barbeque next month. If everything’s okay with her mom. Family’s family.” Bobby pats Buck on the shoulder and Buck smiles.

“Sure, Cap. She’d like that.” 

~~~

Hen loves their monthly get togethers. It’s rare that they all have a Saturday off, so when it happens they get together as a group. Denny loves getting to see Harry and now Christopher so she can’t complain. 

Buck arrives with Christopher, Maddie, and Shannon. Maddie makes a beeline for Chimney and Hen secretly hopes they work out. 

“Hen!” Buck comes up and hugs her and she smiles. “This is Shannon, Christopher’s mom.”

“Hi,” Hen shakes her hand. “Sorry we didn’t get a chance...”

“No, thank you for all you did for my mom.” 

That seems to be all Buck needs because he bounds away to where the kids are playing. 

Hen chuckles. “Has he always been like that?”

“A big kid himself? Yeah.”

“It’s great that you two are such good friends. My ex and I – ”

“Oh, no. We’re not…”

“Momma! Aunt Maddie’s here!” Christopher yells and Shannon smiles apologetically and goes to hug Maddie.

“It’s nice they’re all so friendly,” Karen says as she sneaks up behind her. 

“It is,” Hen responds as she kisses Karen. 

She can’t help but wonder if she’s missing something though. That’s the second time one of them has started to correct her. 

“Will they be at the cookout?” Karen asks after a moment of watching Denny and Christopher whispering with their heads together. 

“If Buck hasn’t said anything yet, I will.” 

~~~

The one eighteen’s annual summer cookout brings the entire station together, the shifts lining up so the B and C shifts catch the beginning and the end. 

They sell hamburgers and hotdogs, the kids have a lemonade stand going, along with some activities for families. It’s a way to bring their families and the community together and Hen loves it. 

She’s busy helping the kids with the lemonade stand when Buck comes over, smiling, absolutely in his element. 

“Hen!” Buck crows. “Want me to take over? I think I saw Denny by the face paint.”

“You know what? That would be great, thanks.”

Hen’s just about to step around the stand when they both pause at Christopher’s shout. 

“Daddy!” 

Buck whips his head around so fast Hen is afraid he’s going to get whiplash. 

Christopher walks over to a man, who bends down and scoops him up, hugging him tightly. That’s when Hen notices the Army fatigues he’s wearing and duffle bag that he dropped on the ground.

Hen looks at Buck and notices he has tears in his eyes. He turns to Maddie and Shannon who are both filming this, with hands over their mouths, and the same tears in their eyes. 

“Did you two know about this?” Buck asks them incredulously.

Shannon and Maddie both shrug but they have a twinkle in their eyes that makes Hen laugh. 

Before Buck can say anything else, Christopher calls for him. 

“Papa!” Christopher waves at him and it breaks Buck out of his stupor. He strides over quickly and engulfs both of them in a hug.

Hen can hear the whispered ‘Eddie’ and then Buck is kissing the man, Eddie, and Hen knows. This is Buck’s partner, not Shannon, and it wasn’t long distance so much as Eddie was deployed. 

After they break apart everyone claps and Buck smiles sheepishly at everyone. Christopher stays close to them as Buck brings Eddie around and introduces him to everyone. 

“So...this is what you were trying to say at Bobby’s?” Hen asks Shannon after she stops filming and walks over to the lemonade stand. 

“Yeah. Eddie and I had Christopher young, and we were not meant to be married. We got divorced pretty soon after he was born and then Eddie left for his first tour. He came home with Buck and they’ve been together ever since.”

“Wow, that’s…”

“Impressive? Yeah, Eddie’s stubborn.”

Hen can’t help it, she laughs, loudly. “Yeah, well Buck is like a golden retriever, I’m sure he just wore him down.”

“That’s exactly what happened,” Eddie says as he comes up to them. He smiles at Hen and then he hugs Shannon. 

Hen raises an eyebrow at Buck. “So, you’re married?”

“Yes,” Buck squeaks and Hen chuckles.

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, Hen,” Buck breathes out. “Eddie, come meet Hen.”

“Hen, this is my husband, Eddie.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Hen shakes his hand and Eddie responds in kind. 

“I hear you’d like baby pictures of Evan,” Eddie says cheekily while Buck squawks and Shannon laughs. 

“Oh, I think we’re going to be fast friends.” 

[fandomcelery]

Day 3 of Prompt List: Sweater

Fandom: 9-1-1

Pairing: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Note: I honestly have no idea where this would be placed, probably around season 3 somewhere. The sweater that I'm referring to in the story is going to be at the end because it's a photo so yeah lol here you go

Tagging: @useless-fanfictions

“Buck and Eddie are on their way,” Chimney states, putting away his phone. They had texted the group chat to let the entire team know because they all were hanging out at a bar. Bobby, Chimney, Hen, Buck, and Eddie had the day off, it so happened to be the same day Athena and Maddie got the day off as well.

“Wait, so they’re arriving together?” Hen asks, setting her drink down on the table and giving Chimney—what Maddie likes to call—the Look. She’s seen it a lot whenever Buck and Eddie hang out, it’s the look that Chim and Hen give to one another because those oblivious fools haven’t noticed yet. Maddie hopes that they figure it out soon, so the bet of “when Buck and Eddie get together” the entire fire house put together can end, and so Buck can stop whining to Maddie about it.

Of course, Buck has a crush on his best friend, except instead of coming forth with it he hides it, even though they all know Eddie feels the same way.

“I wonder what’s taking them so long. We all got here 30 minutes ago,” Athena comments, sitting down and handing Bobby the water he asked her to grab for him from the bar.

“Who knows,” Hen takes a sip of her drink, “I’m surprised they’re still coming; I was sure they just would have decided to hang out with one another instead of all of us.”

“What’s surprising is that Eddie’s late, usually he’s the one early or at the least on time to things,” Bobby adds.

“Oh, that’s definitely Buck’s doing, he’s never early to things,” Maddie remarks, drinking her water—she didn’t want to drink, she was going to be the designated driver—and looking over at the entrance.

Right as she does Buck and Eddie walk in and slowly scan around. Buck makes eye contact with Maddie who waves, and he grabs Eddie’s arm to bring him along. She looks at her brother, who looks cheerful as his hand goes from Eddie’s arm to his hand, and after a few seconds he lets go.

“Hey guys,” Buck smiles at everyone before taking a seat across from Maddie. Eddie waves and smiles as well before taking his seat next to Buck.

“Glad you boys can finally join us,” Athena says, drinking from her glass.

“What took so long anyway?” Hen asks while she looks between the two of them. Buck’s face flushes and he looks over to Eddie, who’s just smirking at the table.

He looks back over at Hen, “Oh we uh, just got caught up in watching a movie.”

“Right, a movie,” Chimney comments as he takes a swig of his beer, giving Hen the Look a second time that night.

Maddie wasn’t paying attention too much to what was being said because the moment Eddie had gotten closer, she had seen the sweater he was wearing. It looks oddly familiar to her, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen him wear it. The sweater is an orangish brown color with small stripes through the fabric. She looks over and sees Bobby staring at it too, clearly, she wasn’t the only one that questioned it.

“Hey Eddie,” Bobby asks, “have you worn that sweater before?” Eddie looks down at it with a puzzled expression.

“I don’t know, it was just in my closet, so I grabbed it.” He responds, looking over at Buck who is trying very hard to stifle a laugh behind his hand.

“Are you doing okay there Buck?” Chimney raises his eyebrow at him, which makes him laugh a little more.

Then Maddie recognizes the sweater, and so does Bobby.

“Oh my god you’re wearing Buck’s sweater!” Maddie exclaims, a big smile on her face. Eddie quickly looks at her before looking down again, the realization rushing over him. Buck does finally laugh, and Eddie smacks him.

“Why didn’t you tell me I was wearing your sweater?”

“Because I thought you knew!” Buck laughs a little more, and Eddie starts to smile.

After a second goes by, “So, you don’t think it’s weird that he’s wearing your sweater, Buck?” Chimney comments, hoping that they would finally realize that bros don’t wear each other’s clothing.

“Uh, no why would that be weird, I thought that’s what boyfriends do?” Buck asks. Both him and Eddie sit there in silence waiting for the shock to wear off and for one of them to react negatively.

But it never comes. Instead, they all start cheering for them (Hen, Chimney, and Maddie sighing, “finally”).

“So, who asked who?” Maddie questions, looking directly at her brother.

“Eddie did, actually,” Buck responds.

“Was it romantic?” Athena asks, and Buck and Eddie glance at one another.

Buck flushes once more, “Yeah, uh, something like that,” he mumbles.

~~~

(Extra) Later: “So, who won the bet?” Chimney asks Hen while Eddie is standing close by. They originally were playing darts but as the night went on and more got drunk, they realized pool was probably the safest option.

“What bet?” Eddie asks, watching Buck as he takes his turn.

“Shush, I wasn’t talking to you,” He turns slightly more to Hen, “Who won?”

“Which one are you referring to Chim?” A slightly more sober Hen asks.

“You know, the one of Buck and Eddie.”

“The what?” Eddie questions, but they ignore him.

“Oh yeah, I believe I did,” Hen responds.

“We’ll just have to check our next shift.” Chimney says, walking to the table to take his turn, and Buck walks over to Eddie.

“Did you know they had a bet on us?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, Maddie mentioned it once or twice,” Buck comments, watching a very drunk Chimney stumble over to Maddie who has a fond expression on her face. Eddie stands there shocked for a second before accepting the fact that his friends made a bet for when they were going to get together. They have bets on everything else, so it kind of made since.

~~~ uaanjadabgvhadj i think i did good with this lol i like it, but anyway thanks for reading!

here's the photo of the buck sweater:

as always, if you saw any spelling or grammar mistakes um, no you didn't <3

[justaswampdemon]

The Place You Need To Reach

Finally finished the first chapter of a Buck Begins fic I started...when the episode airs...Biggest of shoutouts to @marjansmarwani for the title help and also all the support and encouragement.  You’re the best!

Read it here on AO3

Bobby’s phone rings loud from the night table, waking him with a start. Looking at the clock he groans, 12:45am glaring at him. Whatever irritation he feels is quickly overridden by Captain Mode. He reaches for his phone, already concerned. It skyrockets to worry when he sees Buck’s name lighting up his screen. He’d been worried when they found out Buck’s parents were visiting. The few vague things he’s heard plus what he's been able to piece together did not paint a pretty picture. Then this morning Buck had been waling on the punching bags while Eddie watched with carefully hidden concern. Bobby had hoped that had gotten some of the overwhelming emotions out, helped the kid get back on solid ground, but a call any time after midnight is never a good sign.

“Buck?” He sits up, getting a grumble from where Athena had been tucked against his shoulder. There’s no answer, just shaky breaths barely audible. “Buck what’s wrong?”

Athena rubs her eyes and turns her laser focus on her husband as she wakes up fully.

Another stuttering breath, followed by a sniffle and all the parental warning bells in Bobby’s head are going haywire. “Buck, c’mon kiddo I need you to talk to me here.”

“Bobby…” Buck sounds wrecked, his voice trembling and small. He sounds young and scared and Bobby shares a nervous look with Athena.

“Where are you?” He starts simple, all his first responders training kicking in to get Buck somewhere safe.

“Um...I just kind of started driving…” The pause on the other end of the line is agonizing. “I’m by the pier.”

That sends all kinds of alarms off in his head again. Buck drove to the pier, completely without thinking, and Bobby changes tactics slightly. He doesn’t just need to get Buck somewhere safe, he needs to get Buck here. “Are you ok to get here or do you need me to pick you up?” He’d drive to the middle of nowhere to get Buck if that’s what the kid needed.

“I can drive.” There’s a hint of stubbornness back in his voice, but it does nothing to settle Bobby’s nerves.

“Ok.” Bobby slips into Captain mode, hoping it helps keep Buck focused and present. “I want you to stay on the phone with me, and come straight here. Can you do that?”

Buck takes a few breaths, gathering himself and when he answers he sounds at least a bit more like himself. Athena is already up, changing into lounge clothes and grabbing her phone. “Yeah Cap, I can do that.”

He nods, more to himself, “good job Buck. You stay with me alright? You don’t have to talk, just listen to my voice and focus on driving.” Grabbing a sweatshirt and his slippers, he tucks the phone against his ear. Buck is so quiet, it’s possibly the longest the kid has gone without talking, especially to Bobby. He always has an obscure fact to share, knowing his Captain was always interested. Sometimes they were ridiculous, or it was something Bobby already knew, but they had bonded over loving weird facts. The way Buck had lit up when he realized Bobby was actually interested had firmly placed him in Bobby’s heart.

Making his way into the kitchen he sees Athena putting the kettle on, kissing her cheek and getting a supportive one armed hug. “How we doin Buck?”

“Almost there.”

“Ok, you’re doing good.” There’s another shaky exhale, and something close to a sob breaking from Buck’s throat. “Hey did you know Einstein issued the patent for Toblerone chocolate?” He doesn’t wait for a response, knows the words don’t matter as much as just having Buck hear his voice. “He was working at the patent office as a way to occupy his brain while figuring out equations.” He keeps offering up facts as he opens the front door. As soon as a familiar jeep parks behind his truck he hangs up.

He meets Buck half way, taking in the hunch of his shoulders and the way he avoids meeting Bobby’s eyes. Wrapping an arm around him he guides the kid inside and gets him settled on the couch.

Athena presses a cup of tea into his hands, sitting next to him with a gentle hand on his arm. Buck deflates at the contact, still not meeting either of their eyes. “What happened Buckaroo?”

Buck’s quiet, mouth twisting and leg bouncing. They give him time, let him gather his thoughts. “I was doing so good...I was getting better and in two dinners they’ve just…undone it all.” He breaks off into a sob and Bobby is moving before he realizes it, sitting on Buck’s other side and pulling him into his arms as Athena takes his mug from shaking hands. Buck falls apart in front of their eyes, years of hurt finally breaking free. “They never...they never cared. When they’d look at me it was like they were staring right through me, they’d barely acknowledge I was there unless I was hurt or I fucked up…then they’d have to look at me…but I was never enough and I tried.” He sounds almost pleading as he chokes the words out through tears. “Bobby, I really tried to be good enough for them to love me and all they could say was how difficult I made it...how difficult we made it for them. I just wanted them to love me and instead they gave up on me.”

“Buck you listen to me right now. You do not have to earn your parents love.” Athena holds his face in her hands, trying to get him to look at her. “Kids are difficult. That’s just called being a kid. Our job as parents is to love our kids no matter what. We love you, no matter what, and we are so so proud of the man you are.”

His eyes meet Athena’s for a moment and then go blank again. A harsh laugh grates out of his chest, “they never even wanted another son...they never wanted me.”

“Buck, what do you mean another son?” Bobby tries to think back on what he knows about Buck’s family, but as far as he’s heard it’s just him and Maddie.

Bobby lets him free of the hug as he tries to get the words out. “I had a brother…he was older and he got sick. They needed bone marrow and no one else in our family was a match.” The pieces fall into place and Bobby wants to vomit. Buck was a savior baby, and like he could hear Bobby’s thoughts he closes his eyes against fresh tears. “They had me for parts. But it didn’t work and Daniel died…and they were stuck with me when I’d already failed to do the only thing I was made for.”

Over where Buck has hunched back over, hiding his face in his hands, Athena and Bobby share a shocked and horrified look. Without hesitating Athena wraps him in a protective hug, eyes fierce even as her voice murmurs comforting nonsense. On the table Bobby’s phone rings, a quick glance showing Eddie’s calling. Bobby places a steady hand on his back, “I’m guessing Eddie’s looking for you? Do you want me to tell him where you are?”

Without moving from the safety of Athena’s arms Buck nods and lets out another choking sob. “I was supposed to come over for movie night…After I left Maddie’s I just sort of, I don’t know I guess I checked out. I don’t even know what time it is.” Suddenly he sits straight up, eyes wide. “Shit! I missed movie night! And it’s probably the middle of the night and I woke you up and—”

Before he can work himself into a full panic Bobby squeezes his shoulder. “It’s ok Buck, we’re here for you whenever you need us. Don’t worry about what time it is.” Internally he’s trying not to let the terror of Buck so out of it he completely lost himself cloud his mind. He needs to keep a clear head, needs to be the steady rock Buck is searching for. “Now do you want me to tell Eddie you’re here?”

“He’s worried I bet…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry him.”

Grabbing his phone Bobby stands and sees multiple missed calls from Eddie and Chimney, “he’ll understand just like we do. We’re all here for you Buck, you’re not alone.” Athena hands Buck his tea, coaxing him to take a few sips while he calls Eddie back. After one ring it picks up and Eddie’s frantic voice fills his ear. “Cap, we can’t find Buck. I don’t know what happened when he went over to Chim and Maddie’s but she’s almost inconsolable and Chimney is flipping out. He won’t answer the phone and he was supposed to come over. Albert said he never went back to the loft either…”

Quickly he steps outside, not wanting Buck to hear how scared Eddie sounds, it would only make him feel worse. “Eddie, take a breath, Buck is here.” He’s about to say that Buck’s alright but there’s no way Eddie would buy it. “He’s here and he’s safe. We’ve got him.”

There’s a sigh of relief and no small amount of swearing in Spanish. “Ok…ok good. I’ll text Chim and let him know.” A pause and then a little quieter, “do you know what happened?”

“His entire world just got turned upside down, it’s not my place to say any more than that…but he’s going to need us, need you, more than ever.” Glancing inside he sees his wife pulling Buck to lean against her again, a strong arm around his shoulders.

“Whatever he needs.” Eddie says simply, a little bit of calm working through his voice now that he knows Buck is safe. “Can Christopher and I come over tomorrow?”

“Of course, I’ll make breakfast.” Thank god they’re off shift tomorrow, Bobby has no idea how they’d manage to convince Buck to take the day off. The kid would almost immediately take it as a sign he’d done something wrong. So much of his behavior, his actions, are suddenly making sense and Bobby would very much like to have strong words with Buck’s parents. “Get some rest Eddie, I’ll call you if anything changes but we’ll see you in the morning.”

“Right, thank you Bobby.”

“Of course Eddie, take care of yourself and get some sleep.” Bobby hangs up and walks back inside and immediately Buck’s eyes shoot to his. “He’s not mad Buck, he’s just worried about you. I told him to bring Christopher over for breakfast.”

Buck looks completely drained as he sags with relief. His eyes are red and puffy and exhaustion radiates from every line of his body. With a quick squeeze Athena stands, “I’ll get the guest room all set up for you.” Buck looks like he’s about to apologize and Bobby’s heart breaks. “Don’t you dare apologize,” Athena says firmly. “You’re not being any trouble and we want you here. I know I’ll feel better if I know you’re here safe and sound.”

“Thank you…” Buck smiles at her, still subdued but genuine. Athena pauses to kiss the top of his head before heading down the hallway. Bobby takes her place on the couch and can’t help wrapping an arm around Buck in another protective hug. “I think you and Athena have hugged me more tonight than my parents have in my whole life…” Buck admits and Bobby wants to smack some sense into these people.

Anyone who’s spent more than 15 minutes with Buck can tell he thrives on physical contact. He takes every opportunity to be close to the people he loves. It’s the most obvious with Eddie, who’s always accepted Buck into his personal space even before they started to slide from friends to more, but Buck is quick with his affection and gets this almost surprised glee when he gets some in return. He soaks up love like a sponge and now they know why.

Athena comes back a few minutes later, giving them a fond look. “What do you think kiddo? Wanna try and get some sleep?” Bobby asks, rubbing a hand over Buck’s back.

“Yeah…I’m pretty drained Pops.” Together they stand up from the couch and follow Athena through the hallway.

“I put a pair of Bobby’s sweat pants and a sweatshirt on the bed.” Athena hugs him again, managing to tuck him against her so Buck looks small in her arms. He sniffles a little and steps back with a twist to his mouth.

Giving him a supportive pat on the shoulder, Bobby smiles at him. “We’re at the end of the hall if you need us.” Buck surprises him by reaching out and wrapping his arms around Bobby, squeezing tight before stepping back with a nod. “Thanks again…Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Buckaroo.” Athena smiles and grabs Bobby’s hand as they head to their room. They hear the door shut just as they shut their own and Bobby’s shoulders sag. Athena on the other hand starts pacing, eyes stormed over. “No wonder he was like that when he first came here. It was probably the only way he thought he could get any attention…we see it all the time with neglected kids.” Suddenly she pauses, spinning to face Bobby. “And Maddie! They probably made her keep it a secret…that poor girl had to just ignore that her brother had died and become a parent to the other one.”

Bobby rubs his hands over his face. “Eddie said she’s beside herself…inconsolable is the word he used…”

“I’ll call her in the morning and check on her.” Athena decides, finally crawling back into bed. Joining her under the covers, Bobby pulls her into his arms and takes comfort in the way she grips him just as tight. It’s a long time before they manage to fall asleep.

~~

Buck leans against the door as it shuts. He feels…empty isn't the right word. More like he's been hollowed out and filled with cotton stuffing, nothing left in him but lumps and cheap fiber. Pulling his wallet and keys out of his pocket he tosses them on the night table, pausing as he pulls his phone out next. He turns it over in his hands as he sits on the bed, debating turning do not disturb off or ignoring the shitstorm that's probably growing in his notifications.

Taking a deep breath he sets it down and changes into his borrowed pjs. The sweatpants are a little big but actually long enough for once, and the sweatshirt is just loose enough it wraps him in comfort. Curling up under the blankets, Buck lets the feeling of safety wash over him. Snatching his phone from where he’d set it on the table he checks his battery life. It’s low but enough for him to pull up his recent calls and quickly select Eddie’s name.

It’s only two rings before the line picks up, “Buck?”

“Hey Eds…”

“Buck, baby are you ok?” Eddie goes from groggy to awake in a heartbeat and Buck closes his eyes against the worry staining his voice.

“Not really…no, but I’m better than I was.” He’s too tired to pretend right now, breath hitching, “I’m so sorry Eddie…I know Christopher is probably mad at me and I’m sure you are too 'cause I let him down and I didn’t mean to worry you…”

“Hey hey hey, it’s ok Buck.” Eddie cuts off the frantic apologies that seem to be forcing themselves from his throat. “Take a breath for me.”

There’s no way Buck can resist the softness in his words, following the gentle instructions until his breathing settles down. “I’m not mad Buck,” Eddie continues now that Buck’s not halfway to hyperventilating, “and neither is Christopher. We were worried about you, but you’re somewhere safe and that’s what matters.”

“Did you tell Maddie and Chim where I was?” Buck knows he probably did, he highly doubts they didn’t blow Eddie’s phone up when Buck went radio silent.

There’s a sigh on the other end of the phone, “yeah…They were terrified.” Buck feels a weird mix of guilt and anger flare up, and Eddie reads his mind as always. “I also told them to let you come to them, and to give you some space.” He hears the shifting of blankets before Eddie continues, “I know that whatever happened feels like your entire world just blew up…But remember that me and Christopher are here and we love you. Whatever it was, we'll be right here with you, ok?”

“Ok…I love you both too.” Buck wraps Eddie’s words around him, another layer of warmth under the borrowed sweatshirt. “Hey babe?” Eddie hums in questions. “Can you stay on the phone a little longer?”

“Yeah, I’m here Buck, for as long as you need me.”

It’s mostly quiet after that, a few murmured words of comfort and affection passed back and forth, but eventually Buck hears Eddie’s breathing even out and lets it soothe him enough to close his own eyes.

[futures-tense]

We’ll Find Out What We’re Made Of

//~1.2k//tw: shooting mention, arson mention, spoilers for 4x13 of 911 and 2x12 of ls//

Buck needs to talk to someone. He wishes it could be Eddie. But, at the moment, his best friend is in surgery and all Buck can do is pace around his living room. Christopher isn’t home yet- he’s spending the day with Abuela and Pepa- leaving Buck at the mercy of the suffocating silence. He pulls out his phone and calls the first person who comes to mind, putting it on speaker and placing it on the coffee table.

“Buck, hey!” TK says. The excitement in his words are the exact opposite of what Buck’s feelings.

“Hey... Um, are-are you busy?”

“Lucky for you, Carlos is out and I’m on... a bit of a vacation. So no; what’s up?”

Buck lowers himself onto the couch. “Something... I just need a distraction.”

This time when TK speaks he seems a little further away which probably means he’s on speaker. “What happened?”

“Is someone else there?”

“Just me, Buck.”

Buck scrubs his hand over his eyes, lets out a breath. He doesn’t know why he’s telling TK this; they’ve only known each other a few months. But they’d talked almost every day since the wildfires and he trusted him- not as much as he trusted Eddie but close enough to-

“Eddie got shot.”

“What?”

“How’s Carlos?”

“He’s fine,” TK says vaguely. “Go back; Is Eddie okay? Are you okay?”

Buck tugs at a loose string of the hoodie Bobby had brought him at the hospital. He catches a glimpse of red caked at his cuticle and he thinks he might cry.

“Buck.”

“He’s... He’s in surgery. I dunno, I’m not family.”

“What about you?”

“I need a distraction,” he says matter of factly. “How are you? You moved into Carlos’s last month, right? How’s that been?”

“Good, good,” TK says, a little too quick but Buck looks past it. “Things have been...exciting.”

“Gross,” Buck teases and TK laughs.

“Not like that! Well, actually...”

“Anyway.”

Buck hears TK giggle softly. “You remember how I said that when we got Buttercup, he would only go after my stuff?”

“Mhm?”

“Yeah, he has a new victim.”

“Oh no.”

“Yup, he likes to chew on Carlos’s shoes now.” He sounds almost proud and Buck shakes his head.

“You must be so relieved,” he says sarcastically.

“It is cute to see my intimidating boyfriend pout about having to get rid of a shirt that was barely surviving anyway.” That makes Buck laugh and he instantly feels guilty. “I mean, we needed to buy him a bunch of new clothes anyway,” TK adds the last part under his breath, and Buck files it away to ask about later.

“Wait- so, your dad let you take Buttercup with you when you moved out?”

TK doesn’t say anything for a few moments and Buck almost has to make sure the call didn't fail.

“That’s- not exactly, no,” TK finally says.

Buck makes a face even though TK can’t see him. “Then how does Buttercup get Carlos’s stuff?”

“We are currently...living in my dad’s guest room...”

Buck freezes. “But you just- you moved into Carlos’s.”

“Yes, I did,” TK starts. “But then...it sort of...burned down...”

He lets that sink in just to make sure he heard that right. “Your house burned down.”

“Yes.”

“TK, you may be a paramedic now but you were also a firefighter,” he jokes. “You should know fire safety.”

“Okay, first of all,” TK says, a playful bitterness in his voice, “rude. Second, it...wasn’t exactly our fault.”

“What happened?”

TK doesn’t say anything for a while. Buck knows he still there though; he keeps hearing a soft sniff now and then.

“There, um... There was an arsonist- AFD’s arson investigator, actually. He... He got in somehow and-”

TK’s voice breaks and Buck sighs. “Everyone’s okay?”

TK lets out a watery, bitter laugh. “No, not remotely.” Buck hears him take a shaky breath. “Uh, everyone’s still pretty shaken up after the firehouse explosion-“

“Wait, what?”

“Oh yeah, the arsonist blew up the firehouse, too. And then everything with Carlos and me... Marjan’s been struggling too, but...”

“She’s Marjan?”

TK sighs. “It’s not fair. The stuff they’re saying. It’s- she was doing her job. There was nothing she could have done. And she’s not really talking to us about it. None of us know how to help.”

Buck thought of all the calls that hadn’t gone his way. “I get it. She just needed someone to blame.”

“I hate that it had to be Marjan.”

“Me too.”

“And Dad, he-“ TK scoffs. “God, Buck, everything is a mess; I’m not sure if I’m the best distraction right now.”

“Don’t worry about it, TK,” Buck says. “Sounds like I’m not the only one who needed to talk.”

“Yeah...” He sounds exhausted and Buck wishes he could do more.

“You’re still good with Mr. Perfect, right?”

TK lets out a laugh. “You’re still pining after Super Dad, right?”

Buck’s smile fades and TK curses on the other end, realizing his mistake without Buck’s help.

“Sorry, I-“

“It’s fine. You’re fine.”

They sit in silence for a while. “I think...” TK stops, evaluates, then starts again. “I think, you should tell him.”

“Remember what happened last time you told me that?”

TK thinks for a moment then gasps. “Oh my god, I forgot about her.”

Buck rolls his eyes. He pulls at that string again and the cuff of his sleeve tightens around his wrist.

“I haven’t told her. About Eddie.” Then something else hits him. “Oh my god...”

“What?”

“Chris...”

“He doesn’t know yet?” Buck covers his face and shakes his head. Almost like he can see him, TK makes a disapproving noise. “No, Buck, you have to tell him. That’s his dad, you need to tell him.”

“But does it have to be me?” Buck asks. “I don’t... I could- I could tell Ana and she could tell him.”

“Buck, he won’t want to hear it from her,” TK insists. “You know that; hell, I know that and I’ve never met either of them.”

Buck knew he was right but-

“I had to tell Eddie that I lost Chris in a tsunami.” TK doesn’t respond. “I stood there and I had to tell my best friend that his son was gone. I don’t... I don’t think I can do something like that again...”

“I know, Buck, I know, but-“ Buck hears a door open and TK mumbles something before continuing. “Buck, you have to tell him.”

“I will, I will,” he sighs. “I have to go pick him up soon anyway.”

“Hey, Buck?” He makes a face. That isn’t TK. “I’m so sorry but- can I steal TK?”

Buck smiles a little. “He’s your boyfriend, Carlos.”

“That is true,” Carlos says. “Babe, it’s the Vegas.”

There’s a weighted silence that Buck knows all too well.

“TK, I’m gonna go. Keep me updated.”

“Yeah, of course,” TK says, sounding distracted. “Just- Tell him. Both of them.”

Buck nods. “I know, I will.”

“Bye, Buck.”

TK is the first to hang up and Buck sits back against the couch, wondering how the fuck he’s going to explain all of this to Christopher.

[mattzerella-sticks]

Buddies, 7.3k words, T, (pre-Eddie/Buck, gay!Eddie, coming out)

(ao3)

After Eddie was shot, there were two big things he had to deal with - recovery, and the near-death realization that he was gay. The latter of which proved more difficult of the two. But as his recovery was aided by a physical therapist, Eddie also found someone to help him come to terms with his sexuality and find acceptance. Eddie wouldn't know where he'd be if Michael hadn't taken him under his wing.

However, the consequences of a failed date - encouraged by Michael - lead to something Eddie didn't think he'd be facing so soon. Coming out to his teammates. Will Eddie find the strength within himself to push through his fears? It shouldn't be too hard... right?

           It’s too stifling for a fall morning in Los Angeles, Eddie thought, as he hopped out of the fire engine and sweat immediately dampened the collar of his jacket. He tugged on the fabric, huffing a tired breath through clenched teeth as he trotted after his teammates. Eddie soon fell into step beside Buck as Bobby began directing them where they were needed along the highway pileup. “Hen, Chim, attend to the drivers who are already outside their vehicles,” Bobby ordered, waving at the few bystanders leaning against cars and cradling different parts of their body, like arms and heads and one visibly bloody side with blood leaking through pale fingertips. Hen and Chimney immediately hurried there before the woman fainted from blood loss. Then, Bobby points at the two smoking cars fused together feet away. “Buck, Eddie, I want you to check on the drivers in each car and assess the damage. If you can get the occupants out safely, you have permission to do so.”

           They nodded, Buck’s face stretching with a grin as he locked eyes with Eddie. “We got this, don’t we Eds?”

           Eddie’s heart skipped at the nickname, and he blamed it on the weather. He blamed the warmth pooling in his cheeks, no doubt tinting his cheeks, on that, too. “Course we do.” He followed Buck towards the wreckage, asking, “Which one are you checking?”

           “I’ll handle the Corvette,” Buck said, “always wanted to have my hands on one, anyway.”

           “Guess that leaves me with the mini-van…”

           Buck shrugged, splitting off wordlessly to inspect the red sports car that, in this moment, resembled an empty beer can littering the floor of a house party. You get what you pay for, in the end. Eddie stifled his giggle, sobering to a more serious expression as he rounds the other, less-damaged, car. He found a young girl behind the wheel, staring straight ahead while white knuckling the steering wheel. An older woman sat in the passenger seat, knocked unconscious by the collision. He wasn’t worried too much, however, aware of the deflated air bags blanketing their laps. Eddie knocked on the door, “LAFD! Are you able to lower the window?”

           He startled the driver from her trance, shaky hands finally releasing the wheel and whipping to her face. She sobbed through her hands, a muffled sound that tugged on Eddie’s heartstrings.

           Eddie knocked again, softer, until she looked at him. He tapped the window slowly, “Can you lower this?”

           She choked on a breath, chest heaving underneath her safety strap as she did what Eddie asked.

           “Hey,” he began, reaching inside to click the safety off, “my name is Eddie Diaz. What’s yours?”

           “Ol-Olivia…” she stuttered, wiping at tears that continued to fall no matter how hard she scrubbed her eyes, “I’m… oh God, I’m so sorry.”

           Eddie unbuckled her seatbelt, checking for any cuts or abrasions because of it. The skin around her neck seemed red and tender from impact, a possible burn, but that was the extent of the damage there. “It’s okay,” he assured her, cradling Olivia’s head in his hands to better assess her injuries. There were scrapes and bruises there, dried blood crusting around her nose. Nothing that screamed ‘emergency’. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

           She sucked in a deep breath, then launched into her story. Eddie listened, running through a mental checklist while she rambled. “I’d gotten my learner’s permit a few months ago,” Olivia explained, “and I’m supposed to go for my driving test in a few months, for my birthday. In the meantime, I’ve been practicing all I can and I… and I thought I was ready for the highway. I mean, it’s not parallel parking, so I thought it couldn’t be that hard. But my mom thought I wasn’t ready and I… I didn’t listen and – oh, oh no! My mom -!”

           “Is okay,” he told Olivia, keeping her eyes on him and preventing any further sudden movement. “I promise.” Eddie surreptitiously scanned Olivia’s mother between beats of her story, noting the subtle rise and fall of her chest. “Is that how you got into the accident? Fighting with your mom?”

           “Well, partly,” Olivia explained, “I…” She hesitated, biting her lip and causing a few more blood droplets to leak past the cut there. Eddie waited, running his hands below the dashboard to check for any strain or damage from the crash that might make extraction difficult. There wasn’t any he felt. “It’s so embarrassing,” she muttered.

           “It’s okay,” Eddie said, smiling, “You wouldn’t believe the kind of calls me and my team have rushed to. I’m sure whatever happened can’t be as embarrassing as a woman stuck in a window because she tried throwing her poop out when the toilet wouldn’t flush.”

           That encouraged a tiny laugh from Olivia, and soon her earlier nerves from the crash disappeared. “I guess…” she sighed, dabbing at drying tear stains with her hoodie sleeve, “I was doing an okay job driving. Better than either I or my mom figured. But then this huge truck barreled by in such a rush that it shook the car and I freaked. I started screaming, and so did my mom, and I didn’t notice that we started drifting and… ugh, I felt like Cher, y’know? From that movie Clueless?”

           Eddie blinked at her. “You know what Clueless is?”

           “It’s a good movie,” she defended, “Plus that’s like… peak Paul Rudd. Although current Paul Rudd is also peak Paul Rudd… he’s really cute for an old guy.”

           He mostly agreed with her, only offended by her closing remark. Paul Rudd isn’t old.

           Paul’s ageless.

           Eddie stood at his full height, backing away to give Olivia space. “You think you can step out of this vehicle on your own?” She shifted, slowly freeing one leg and then the other. Olivia tried exiting, except stumbled after the second foot left the car. Eddie caught her, easing her to the ground. From the corner of his eye, he saw Hen and Chimney approach. “You’re very lucky Olivia,” he said, “you had a great car that shielded you and your mom from some pretty serious damage. My friends are gonna help you two out now. You don’t have to tell them everything, but be sure to answer all their questions and if there’s any pain, okay?”

           “Okay.”

           “Good.” Eddie rose to greet Hen and Chimney, quickly combing through all he learned during his short time with Olivia, stressing the most important pieces of information. “I still have to get her mother out of the passenger side,” he said, jerking his thumb at the car, “once I do that I can carry her to the ambulance so you can do your thing –“

           “Sorry Eddie,” Bobby interrupted, clapping him on the shoulder, “I’m gonna need your help with the other driver.”

           “That bad?”

           “It’s an older car, made with metal instead of plastic,” he said, “guy’s wedged in there pretty tight, cut up, too. And there’s a glass shard running right into his shoulder blade.” Bobby turned to Hen and Chimney, “Once you’re done here we’ll need you on standby to help us. No telling how much blood he’s lost so far, or if there’s any trauma below his waist.”

           “No problem Cap,” Chimney said, “We’re almost done here. Hen, why don’t you go with Eddie and Bobby while I see to Olivia’s mom?”

           “Sounds like a plan to me.”

           “Great,” Bobby led them to the other side of the wreckage, Buck absent from the scene. “He’s getting the jaws,” he told Eddie and Hen. Then, once they’ve reached the Corvette’s driver’s side, Bobby yelled into the open, broken, window, “Sir? Sir, can you hear me? Are you still with us?”

           The man groaned a few indecipherable syllables Eddie couldn’t hope to piece together. He exchanged a short glance with Hen, who appeared similarly unsure. Bobby, meanwhile, continued his one-sided conversation as they waited for Buck to arrive with the jaws.

           “Coming in hot!” he yelled, lugging the jaws over his shoulders, “Where you want me, Cap?”

           “Let’s start with the door,” he motioned Buck closer, pointing at the hinge. “Eddie, grab the middle. I’ll get this side. When Buck snips this free, we’ll gently lower it down and let Hen get in there.”

           “Copy that.” Eddie readied himself, crouching into position. He laid his hands atop the car door, small glass shards crunching under his gloves as his fingers curled. Buck and Bobby talked over his head, working to line up the jaws correctly. During this, Eddie chanced a peek inside at the driver.

           The face he saw, staring back at him, nearly knocked him off his feet.

           Fitting, as that was how it felt when Michael showed him his picture while convincing Eddie to go on a blind date.

           “He works with David at the hospital,” Michael told him, passing his phone over so Eddie would see what David’s co-worker, Dr. Brendan Carmichael, looked like. In the picture Michael found, a selfie from Instagram, Eddie learned more than he needed. That beside the bright, orange hair and freckles splattered across his face like someone flicked a paintbrush over his skin, he also maintained a very strict gym regimen which kept his abs in perfect condition. Eddie’s thumb hovered over the midsection Brendan revealed, careful not to like it on Michael’s account. “He broke up with his last boyfriend a few months ago, and only recently started talking about dating again,” he continued, Eddie tearing his gaze away from the phone to better listen, “David mentioned you, how you were wanting to date again, too, and Brendan’s interested in setting something up. Only question is… are you?”

           It was something Eddie was working himself up to. After breaking things off with Ana during his recovery, and Buck’s focus divided further because of Taylor, Eddie found periods where he was all alone with only his thoughts as company. Because of this, it was harder and harder for him to ignore certain stuff he’d pushed to the back of his mind and crammed into a tiny closet. Namely, his utter sexual indifference to women.

           Almost dying for the umpteenth time put Eddie’s life into perspective.

           He wouldn’t know if the next near-death call might finally succeed where others hadn’t, and Eddie realized how awful it’d be to go without following his heart.

           So he followed it all the way to Michael’s. Eddie knocked on his door late one evening, a fifth of whiskey in his veins dulling the voices shouting how this was stupid, how he and Michael were acquaintances at best and strangers at worst. Then, once Michael invited him inside his empty apartment, Eddie vomited his epiphanies until Michael set his shaking frame down on the couch and forced a glass of water down his throat.

           Since then, Michael had taken on the role as Eddie’s gay sponsor. Michael guided Eddie to a point where he could see his reflection and say ‘gay’ while smiling. He also pushed at the fear that still clung to Eddie, urging him to experience new things, like with this blind-date.

           “I don’t know,” he said, “he does look… really, really nice.” Admitting that never felt like pulling teeth with pliers anymore, thanks to Michael. “I’m just… not sure.”

           “What aren’t you sure about?”

           “I don’t know,” he shrugged, “I… I guess it’s nerves. I’ve never done this before, you know. Is there anything I should know? That makes it different than a date with a woman?”

           Michael shot him a flat look, snatching his phone back. “A date is a date. There’s nothing different about it because it’s with another man. Well… except for when the check comes, and you have to bare-knuckle brawl in the kitchen to decide who gets to pay.” Eddie returned the favor, brows leveling at his friend. Michael chuckled, “Seriously, it’s nothing you need to work yourself up about. Go into it like it was any other date. You’ll have fun – and I’m not laying it on. Brendan is a great guy, from what I’ve heard. He’s got charm and face, which is rare. You don’t find men like us in the wild every day.”

           “Men like us?” Eddie parroted, cheeks straining as he fought against the smile threatening to appear.

           “Me,” Michael clarified, grinning freely, “And Chris Hemsworth. That’s it though.”

           “And this Brendan guy,” Eddie added, “if what you’re saying is true.”

           It wasn’t, unfortunately.

           The night started with Brendan arriving late to the restaurant he chose because of its proximity to the hospital, and only further plummeted as it went on. Brendan criticized his choice in dinner, goading him into ordering an even pricier dish that Eddie hadn’t even wanted. Which Eddie then paid for, although he almost was stuck with the entire bill as Brendan assumed Eddie would cover it. It almost made Eddie reconsider Michael’s earlier crack about brawling. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Brendan’s personality rubbed Eddie the wrong way. He was dismissive of Eddie’s career, unsubtly scrolled through his phone during parts of the evening, and seemed entirely uninterested in Christopher to the point that Brendan interrupted any story about him with an unconnected anecdote, derailing the entire conversation. As the waiter left with their credit cards, all Eddie wanted was to put this date in the rearview behind him.

           Except Brendan’s phone died during dessert, and he didn’t drive himself. “If you could give me a ride?” Brendan suggested, slipping a hand behind Eddie’s button-down and petting his chest, “I’d be very grateful…”

           Eddie wished he could say he drove Brendan home without anything happening, that he was a stronger man. But Eddie gave in to curious temptation. He let Brendan guide him to his apartment bed instead of racing back home to fall asleep in an empty house, Christopher staying over at Michael’s with Harry.

           They jerked each other off in the end; a slight comfort over oral and miles above anal. Once Eddie came, he feigned exhaustion and settled in for a sleepless night. He laid in wait for the morning, where he snuck out of Brendan’s apartment as the rising sun filtered past drawn curtains without a word to his date. Eddie did leave a note, promising he would call soon.

           He hadn’t and had no plan to, either.

           Still, here Brendan was.

           “Cutting in three, guys,” Buck yelled. He proceeded to count down; on one, Eddie heard the snip from the jaws and belatedly realized he needed to move. Bobby swung a second before Eddie, and the momentum of the door made Eddie stumble in his haste to lift the door.

           “Eddie,” Bobby huffed, “You good?”

           “Yeah… yeah,” he nodded, dropping the door on the street at the same time Bobby did. “No need to worry about me.”

           Bobby didn’t believe him, but he stopped questioning Eddie in favor of looming over Hen’s shoulder as she worked on Brendan. Buck leaned against the roof, head ducked inside the cabin, too. Eddie stood apart from the scene as an outlier. He wasn’t sure if it was good to approach. Although, being fully removed meant he wouldn’t know what the other man might say in his condition.

           Only three people knew of his sexuality – Michael, David, and Brendan. Eddie wasn’t ready for that circle to expand.

           Eddie returned, joining the others. He entered to hear Hen finish her line of questioning, her last question prompting Brendan to speak. “The wound on my shoulder is superficial,” he said, gaze unwavering on the side of Eddie’s face. He felt the weight of it, Eddie turned to watch his co-workers instead of Brendan. Bobby’s focus didn’t waver from the crushed dashboard in Brendan’s lap, prodding it in different areas. Buck kept glancing between Eddie and Brendan. “It’s deep, but a clean cut. You can get to that later, because I’m pretty sure there’s something digging into my leg close to my femoral artery.”

           “We’ll get right to it, then,” Hen assured him, “Sounds like you know your stuff, though. You a doctor?”

           Eddie bit his tongue, swallowing his instinctual reply. “Yeah,” Brendan said, “I’m a doctor.”

           “Then that saves us some time.” Hen reached into her bag for a neck brace, placing it around Brendan’s neck while Bobby muttered something to Buck. Buck’s eyes flicked to his briefly before he jogged towards the fire truck. “We’ll have you out of here in no time. Can you tell me where you were headed?”

           “To lunch,” Brendan told her, “We had to push a surgery back a day, and my next one wasn’t until two so I… I thought I’d treat myself to something nice. I already had back-to-back operations this entire morning.”

           “What were they?”

           “Tumor removals,” he explained, “in the brain. Real delicate work. I’ve probably performed over a hundred by now, but I still can’t shake the jitters each time I enter the theater…” Eddie grimaced, hiding it behind his jacket collar. Yes, he knew about Brendan’s job. Hearing it in this context, on the field and not in a dimly lit restaurant, hit differently; like he cared about his patients and didn’t use his position as a point of status. This was not the Brendan he remembered. Regret churned in Eddie’s gut, mixing with the shame and embarrassment already present.

           “I know what you mean,” Hen smiled. She rubbed around the shoulder wound, cleaning it of dried blood to better inspect it. “You can have it all down to a formula, but you will never be sure what might happen when the time comes.”

           “Exactly.”

           Buck hurried back with new tools in hands. He handed a saw to Bobby, “Where do you want me?”

           “Other side,” Bobby said. He tapped Hen on the shoulder, silently urging her off Brendan. “Sir,” he started, “we’re going to be cutting the dashboard off shortly. Don’t be afraid to talk or shout if you feel any pain, okay?”

           “I understand.”

           “I’ll remove the wheel, first,” Bobby said, slipping a pair of goggles on, “don’t move.” He powered the saw on and, in seconds, removed the wheel. Brendan sagged somewhat, breathing stilted and ragged. “Are you okay?”

           “Yeah...” He coughed, “Think my ribs might be bruised, possibly broken. I don’t… I think that’s it. Not sure.”

           “You’re talking, so that’s a good sign.” Hen felt around his chest, then held her stethoscope to hear his lungs. “Nothing out of the ordinary here, Cap. Carry on.”

           Bobby, and Buck now, brought their saws to the dashboard and continued cutting. Hen waited, kneeling, holding a bottle of solution and gauze for when it was her turn again. Meanwhile, Eddie uselessly hovered near her. There wasn’t much for him to do.

           That wasn’t true for long.

           Suddenly he was very much needed, Bobby calling for him and motioning Eddie with the saw. He tripped over his feet, “Coming! Coming!” Rushing to help Bobby remove the dashboard that, along with the glass shard, pinned Brendan to his seat. In doing this, Eddie glimpsed the red-stained leather under his leg. “Hen!” he said, “All you.”

           Hen filled the space where the dashboard had been, attending to Brendan’s wound with practiced speed. As Eddie and Bobby returned, she fixed the tourniquet around his thigh and was partway done with wrapping his leg with gauze. And when Buck sidled towards them, she began removing the glass shard in his shoulder. It was much longer than a passing glance would make you believe. “Yikes,” Buck muttered, “You ever think a windshield could do that?”

           “Old cars like these?” Bobby replied, “Anything’s possible.”

           “He’s good for removal!” Hen yelled over her shoulder, kicking her bag a few feet back. She stands, dusting off her knees, “I’ll go get Chimney and the stretcher, be ready to help us set him down once we’re here.”

           “Buck and Eddie’ll handle that,” Bobby said, “I’m gonna do a final sweep of the area, make sure we didn’t miss anything. Copy?”

           “Understood.” Buck knocked shoulders with Eddie, nodding at the car, “Let’s go get the doctor ready for his ride back to work.”

           Eddie bit his cheek, letting silence give a better response than he could at the moment. If Buck found it odd, like Bobby, he didn’t comment on it. They walked to Brendan’s car again, Eddie going through the motions to get him ready for transit. In that short span of seconds, Eddie hoped his luck might keep his secret safe. That Brendan wouldn’t mention their date.

           He knelt down, waiting for Buck’s signal to lift his legs, when he made the mistake of finally meeting Brendan’s stare. Brendan offered him a tired smile. “This is so not how I expected we’d meet again.”

           …Shit.

           Buck stilled, his hands falling to their sides as he looked to Eddie. “You two know each other?”

           Brendan sighed in the affirmative. “Very intimately.”

           “What…” Buck’s face screwed itself into an expression of confusion, the rainbow wheel in his mind spinning endlessly while he processed Brendan’s innuendo.

           Eddie pounced to fill the awkward silence. “We hung out, once,” he told Buck, “Like, a few days ago, I think? Super casual…”

           “Oh –“

           “Oh,” Brendan interjected, darker than earlier. He coughed, voice straining from the force of it, but he wasn’t deterred. “Oh, really? Hanging out… that’s what you’re calling it?”

           “Uh…” Eddie, taken aback by such an unexpected call out, couldn’t produce more than a few mumbled phrases that didn’t move beyond one syllable nor, when strung together, were comprehensible. Instead he glanced between Brendan and Buck, wasting precious time with silence.

           Brendan, however, formed complete sentences. “So tell me… since I have you, were you even planning on hanging out with me again, or do you leave all your buddies notes like that?”

           In his anger, Brendan shifted and started angling himself towards Eddie. Buck snapped out of his stupor enough to lay a calming hand on Brendan’s shoulder, “Hey! Hey… sir, you need to keep still until we move you.”

           “Sorry, sorry…” Brendan relaxed, albeit his glare was still focused on Eddie. Eddie flinched under the weight of it.

           “I…” Eddie tried, very aware of the sound behind him, of wheels rolling over gravel and measured footsteps. “I was trying to be nice?”

           “Nice?” Brendan spat, “Fuck you, Eddie.”

           “Eddie,” Buck inched closer, drawing Eddie’s gaze from Brendan to him. He spoke softly, like Eddie were one of the many victims they attended to during their careers. Eddie also noted the sharp steeple Buck’s brows, drawn together as if he already filled in the missing gaps of Eddie and Brendan’s story. Shit. “Why don’t you let us handle this?”

           “I…” Eddie found breathing as hard as speaking, managing enough foresight to sharply nod before standing and striding away from Brendan’s car. He passed a curious, concerned Bobby, but ignored his calls. Eddie kept himself tightly wound all the way to the engine. Once he entered, he fell apart. Eddie’s vision blurred, his lungs couldn’t hold enough air, and he melted inside his uniform. All he was able to do before completely shutting down was shoot a quick message to Michael.

           Brendn in acidnt fine but h outd me what do

           Eddie’s grip on his phone tightened considerably when he heard the engine doors open again. Buck slid inside, not meeting Eddie’s wide, panicked stare. There were more doors opening, Bobby and other firefighters climbing aboard. “Hen and Chim are taking that guy to the hospital,” Buck said, “Our work here’s done.” He paused, gnawing on his lip, considering saying more while Bobby slowly pulled them onto the road. “What he said…”

           He missed the rest of Buck’s question. His voice dulled as a sharp ringing in Eddie’s head blocked out every sound around him. Eddie sunk into it, comforted in the simpleness of the noise. He pressed himself against the window, arms crossed over his chest, and watched the scenery blur during their drive to the station.

           Then, when they arrived, Eddie flung the door open and his puddled mass in a jacket spilled free of the engine. He stripped off his uniform in a record-setting pace. And, as he finished, Eddie saw Buck steadily approach, Bobby like a shadow behind him. Both wore similar expressions that warned Eddie of conversations he was not ready for. Because of that, Eddie did something he regret. A course of action so damning it spoke louder than any mangled defense he might put together.

           He hid.

           “Stupid… stupid…” Eddie whacked his phone across his temple, curled into a tight ball outside the building. He snuck through a door in the back, smart enough to not go far but knowing that it’s so rare anyone used this area. It was set aside for the firefighters who smoked, Chimney explained. Those were always a small contingent, never more than one or two per squad. As the years went by, numbers dwindled, and a smoking firefighter became an endangered species. Now, hardly anyone uses this tiny alley that separates the fire house from its adjoining building. Except for Eddie. “I can’t believe I could have such shitty luck…”

           He went to hit himself with his phone again, but a shrill ping cut into his spiraling. Eddie checked his messages – Can I call? It was Michael. He texted back a thumbs up he didn’t mean. Soon his phone shook in his hands.

           Eddie answered, “Hey…”

           “Hi Eddie,” Michael said, tone soft like Buck’s back at the scene. He hated it. Eddie hated how much he wilted because of it, how his nerves started inching away from the edge at the gentle, implied coaxing. “How are you feeling?”

           Eddie barked a short, nasty laugh, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead. “I feel like I’m about to burst into flames.”

           “If you do, at least you’re around people who’ll know what to do.”

           “What if I don’t want them to save me,” Eddie groused, “should I make a break for it before the first spark catches?”

           “Like they wouldn’t race after you…” Michael’s voice trailed, clearly tiptoeing around the words he chose next. “So,” he said, “you ran into Brendan again today?”

           Eddie snorted. “More like some kid ran into his car…” He growled, kneading at his eye with the heel of his hand. “I can’t believe what happened, and how I… how I froze like that. Seriously, what were the odds?”

           “Pretty fucking low,” Michael told him, “But that’s exactly what it was, shit luck. There’s nothing you could have done to not have what happened, happened.”

           “That’s not true,” he sighed, “I could have not gone on that date with him. Or, at least, not let him talk me into his bed.”

           “He’s a charmer.”

           “I had nothing better going on,” Eddie said. He played his words back in his head, silently cursing how brusque they sounded. Was he really the bad guy in this scenario? Brendan hadn’t seem interested in a relationship during their dinner, and Eddie thought his own feelings were on display, too. Buck always said his poker face had more cracks in it than a busted sidewalk. Maybe the note was unnecessary, he can concede. Eddie can’t rewrite history and destroy it, though. “Besides,” he continued, swatting those past regrets away like flies, “Brendan wasn’t all that charming when he outed me, on top of cursing me out in front of the 118.”

           “Man was in a car accident,” Michael reminded Eddie, “He probably had more to worry about than decorum.” Michael coughed across the line, clearing his throat. “That doesn’t excuse what he did.”

           “Yeah,” he said, “I thought it was, like, gay brotherhood that you’re not supposed to out another gay person… or whatever.”

           “I… don’t think he knew. That you weren’t out…” Michael hummed, the noise rattling inside Eddie’s chest. “You’re right, in a way. Any decent gay person wouldn’t out a person before they’re ready. I can’t remember if Derek mentioned your… situation, when setting up the date. I can text him but, Eddie –“ Michael’s sigh caused the line to crackle and break, Eddie shivering as it hit his ear “– Eddie, Brendan and what he might and might not have known isn’t important, isn’t why I called.” Eddie knew. Of course, he knew. “What are you planning on doing next?”

           “That depends,” Eddie mumbled. His free hand tugged on his laces, loosening them slowly. “Do you want to hear what I want to do, or what I’m going to do.”

           “What do you want to do?”

           “Fake mine and Chris’s deaths,” he told Michael, “Start over somewhere new. Maybe on the East Coast, in a small fishing village where I can be a lighthouse keeper and never have to see another person ever again. Just me and Chris and the sea, until Chris leaves or I grow old and die. Whichever happens first.”

           “That’s… dark.” Michael said, “And oddly specific.”

           Eddie shrugged, “I watched the Lighthouse last night. Robert Pattinson jerked it to some mermaid doodle in it. Like… I could do that. Survive off of doodles of hunky mermen, or sailors. Hunky mermen getting it on with sailors… God knows the real thing didn’t work out.”

           “You don’t mean that.”

           “Well, what else can I do?”

           “You can go inside and talk to your friends,” Michael reasoned, “Your team who cares about you, and are most definitely worried because of what happened and how it affected you. Your family, who is ready to accept you for who you are as they always will. But first, you need to trust them and let them in to see who that is.”

           When Michael explained it, the obvious choice also seemed to be the easiest. The tiny seed of doubt, however, planted once Eddie accepted his heart’s leanings and blossomed into a strange bushel of roses with thorny roots strangling his chest, would not let him be. It poisoned his rationality, shredding any confidence Eddie built. “I trust them with my life,” he wondered, speaking barely above a whisper, “why is it so hard to trust them with this? Is it just me?”

           “It’s not you, Eddie,” Michael said. His voice thundered with conviction, startling Eddie. “Believe me, you aren’t the first gay man to feel this way and, unfortunately, you won’t be the last.”

           He sniffed, a wet chuckle escaping past his lips in a raspy breath. “That sucks.”

           “It sure does,” Michael agreed.

           “Does it ever go away?” he asked, “Or… get easier?”

           “I… it’s not a cut-and-dry answer,” he told Eddie, “In some cases, yes. Others… no. It’s situational.” Eddie found this answer unsatisfying. He wasn’t the only one. “Listen,” Michael said, “this might seem scary now, but I, uh – remember that first night. That night you came to my place and confided in me. What did you say?”

           “That I was gay.”

           “Yes…” Michael sucked in a deep breath, hissing his next thought so pointedly it cut through those pesky roots. “Now, imagine you’re me, saying what you said to me, but instead of saying it to me you were saying it to my lovely ex-wife who, at the time, was still my wife, and all this after we’re both a few glasses of wine deep and the kids are asleep.”

           Michael’s past helped put Eddie’s own troubles in perspective. He mentioned as such to him.

           “I don’t want to come off like ‘I had worse’ blah blah,” Michael said, “My point is – you see how good the relationship between Athena and I is. She could have easily kicked me out and then never spoken to me again. But she didn’t. She had every reason to hate me, but she didn’t. Athena loved me when she thought I was straight and continued after learning I was gay. It’s a different sort of love now, and yes, it might have wavered at times, but she stuck by my side like I stuck to hers. Yes, I was scared to tell her, just like you were when you came and told me. Just like you are now. But because I pushed through my fear, I freed us both from being unhappy. Her and Bobby… me and Derek… neither would have happened if I decided to keep my feelings to myself.”

           “Yeah… your life did change…” Eddie rested his head against his knees, remnants of adrenaline from earlier fully fading leaving an exhaustion that set deep into his bones. “I guess that’s what I’m really afraid of. How… acknowledging who I really am, and owning it, how everything will change after.”

           “Eddie, will being gay affect your job?”

           “What?” Eddie yelped, head rising again, neck aching from the whiplash Michael’s unrelated question caused. “No –“

           “Will you being out really make you a completely different, unrecognizable person?”

           “Uh… I – I don’t… no?”

           “Then it sounds like nothing will actually change.” Michael’s tone relaxed and, finally, Eddie let himself do the same. The other man’s speech wrapped around him like a warm blanket. “You didn’t wake up one morning and decide to be gay. It’s something that’s always been a part of you. It’s been there during every call you went out on. You’ll still be Eddie… just a happier Eddie, because you’re allowing yourself to be happy and honest with who you are. That’s what’s important here. Coming out isn’t about other people, it’s about you. You, opening yourself to others to see this part of you, and letting them share in the joy of who you are. And the 118, your friends, will still love you because this… this gay Eddie you have in your mind, is just Eddie. That’s it.”

           Eddie didn’t cry. He wouldn’t be able to hide it, once he went back inside to confront his friends. If they asked, Eddie might mumble a few broken words about allergies then move on. Because he didn’t let his tears fall. “Thanks, Michael,” Eddie said, “I… I’m really grateful for you, being my friend. And that you didn’t turn me away like you should have done when I showed up at your apartment.”

           “I was less afraid of what you’d do,” Michael laughed, “and more afraid what you might do if I didn’t.”

           They ended the call soon enough, with Eddie exchanging a few final pleasantries while Michael’s goodbye was laced with encouragement.

           Eddie stood, riding the aches of pain that came from unfurling his back out of the tight coil he forced it into. He stretched his arms, pointed high towards the sky. Eddie leaned onto his toes, and even lifted his face to better feel the sun shining above.

           Much too warm for fall.

           Despite the heat and his fears, Eddie returned to the firehouse. He slowly crept inside, alert, gaze bouncing around for a sign of his friends. When he didn’t find them on the first floor, not hovering by the truck and newly returned ambulance or biding time in the gym, Eddie passed faceless co-workers on his way to the stairs. Each step Eddie took sounded like beats from a heavy drum, sounding a funeral march. Eddie kept up the tempo.

           As he climbed higher, his head peeked out and Eddie caught a glimpse of the second floor. Like always, his eyes were drawn immediately to Buck. He, along with Bobby, Hen, and Chim, were huddled around the kitchen island. Eddie watched them converse quietly, briefly, the discussion cutting off because Buck, the one currently speaking, turned and saw Eddie. Buck straightened, body taut and tense like Christopher got after Eddie caught him misbehaving. Eddie wasn’t foolish enough to think they were talking about anything other than him. Buck’s face flickers, flipping through emotions like pages in a book too fast so Eddie can’t read. It settled on a steely façade of determination, Buck readying to move. Before he can, Bobby stopped Buck with one hand on his shoulder. He understood.

           Let Eddie come to them.

           He did, slowly, at his own pace. Eddie settled between Hen and Chimney, both firefighters creating a space for him.

           There’s a beat of silence, the air above the kitchen island so weighty Eddie’s shoulders drooped. He fought against it, taking a deep breath. “Hey.”

           “Eddie,” Bobby spoke first, “how are you doing?”

           Michael advised honesty. That’s what Eddie gave. “I’m a little scared,” he admitted with a laugh, staring intently at a divot in the island’s counter, and how his finger repeatedly traced it. “Okay. A lot of scared.”

           “We’re here for you Eddie,” Bobby said, “Whatever it is.” On either side, his friends reached for him. Hen laid her hand over Eddie’s, crushing it in a loving grip, while Chimney soothingly rubbed his back. Eddie glanced at the men in front of him, Bobby looking encouraging at him while Buck…

           Eddie still can’t decipher what it is Buck tries to show.

           If he thought about it too long, he’d lose all the confidence he gathered to arrive at this point. Eddie swallowed past the lump in his throat, attempting to smile. “Thank you,” he said, “really.” Then, without fanfare, Eddie shrugged and told his friends, “I’m gay.”

           Like that, the next breath Eddie took felt lighter. It was unbelievable. No one said anything, but their love and acceptance were visible in other ways. Eddie was almost brought to tears because of them. He reigned his emotions in, maintaining control. If they stayed like this, however, he’s sure to break.

           Eddie cleared his throat, “That’s all. So if we could…”

           “Not so fast,” Chimney said, smirk tainting their tender moment. His hand slunk across Eddie’s back to his shoulder, clamping down and chaining Eddie there at his side. “There’s still the doctor of it all that’s been unaccounted for…”

           “Chim,” Bobby warned lightly, trying his best to play boss.

           Hen waved him off. “Eddie should have his chance to explain,” she argued, “tell us his side of the story. Lord knows Chim and I got an earful about what that man thought of you, Eddie. Filled the entire drive from the wreck to the hospital.”

           “He had a lot of opinions,” Chimney added.

           Eddie sighed. He expected they might have questions, especially about Brendan. He wasn’t unprepared for this. “I went on one date with the man,” he explained, “something Michael set up –“

           “Michael?” Bobby interrupted, tapping his chest, “My Michael?”

           “He’s not just your friend,” Eddie said, “He… he’s been helping me deal with… with all this. This… being gay, stuff.” He shifted, bending forward to press his chest on the counter. “It was Michael’s idea I go on a date with Brendan, sort of like practice. To get more comfortable being… out, in public, with another man. Personally, I didn’t think the date was that special. Brendan was… he had a lot of personality.”

           “Sure was flexing that… personality, despite all those injuries,” Hen agreed, “Kept going on about this – this note you wrote? What was that about?” Hen might have asked coyly, but it was obvious to Eddie she knew.

           He still answered her. “I was going for nice,” he muttered, “I didn’t want to up and abandon him after we… after he invited me over for the night, and we…” They were at work. Eddie couldn’t say more.

           Nothing else needed saying. Even Buck understood, if his rapidly flushing cheeks meant anything. “Oh,” he said, “so you and him… you two…” His pointer fingers on either hand were extended, slapping each other with wide sweeps.

           Hen choked on a snort, shoving Buck’s hands apart. “They weren’t sword-fighting, Buck.”

           “Yeah, I knew that…” Because of his bashful pout, followed by Buck tucking his head into his chest, Eddie didn’t buy his excuse.

           “Okay,” Bobby steered the conversation elsewhere, “besides us and… Michael… have you told anyone else?”

           Eddie shook his head. “Really?” Buck asked, “Not even Chris?”

           “Especially not Chris…” Some of that earlier fear returned, roosting in his chest like a bird returned north from winter. “I never… I don’t know how I would explain it to him or… how much I would have to explain? Like, if I was a single dad from the start, I’m sure it would be easier. But most of his memories are with me and his mom, and I – I haven’t figured out a way to tell him while also not invalidating mine and Shannon’s marriage, y’know?” Eddie agonized over that near constantly. He loved Shannon, truly, and wanted their marriage to work despite not being attracted to her in the way that mattered. Christopher needed her in his life. If that meant Eddie gave Shannon what she wanted, what Eddie pretended he wanted to, it would have been worth it.

           But, in the end, she still went ahead with the divorce. Shannon was more perceptive than he ever gave her credit for.

           “And then there’s the Ana of it all…” Eddie threw out, offhandedly.

           “Wait,” Buck said, “was that why you broke it off with her? When you told me…”

           Eddie’s breath hitched slightly, and he drummed his fingers against the counterspace. “No,” he said, “I… I didn’t have the realization then. I meant it, about us not clicking and… her being another try at giving Chris a mom. Although, being gay would definitely have played a factor in us not clicking.”

           “That’s for sure.”

           Another wave of silence washed over them, this the most awkward of them all. “If that’s it for questions…” Eddie extricated himself from the group, final shreds of adrenaline fading and leaving him exhausted. His mind already set a course for the bunks, planning a lengthy nap as a reward for his vulnerability.

           “Of course,” Bobby rounded the island, moving closer to Eddie. Buck was on his heels, but hung back on the fringes of the group, a few inches behind Hen and Chimney. “I want you to know how proud I am of you, though. I can’t imagine any of what you had to deal with was easy, and if you need anything from us – keeping this information to ourselves or whatever… let us know. We’ll follow your lead.” He then opened himself for a hug, giving Eddie the option to accept or refuse.

           Eddie sagged into Bobby’s embrace, grateful. “Thank you.” Hen and Chimney joined them, squeezing Eddie tighter and tighter. Only Buck kept his distance. Eddie opened his eyes and noticed the younger man watching them, a glint in his eye that struck Eddie’s nerve. Once the others released him, Eddie confronted Buck. “Hey, are you…”

           “Hmm?” Buck blinked, and what Eddie saw earlier disappeared. It vanished like it never existed. Maybe Eddie imagined it? Regardless, Buck smiled in his usual, too-large-for-his-face way and swept Eddie in a giant hug of his own. “I’m proud, too,” he whispered, “And what Bobby said goes double for me. Anything you need, ask… and I’ll be there.”

           Eddie caught himself before he spoke without thinking. Instead, he returned the hug. He rested his cheek against Buck’s shoulder, humming in acknowledgment of Buck’s promise.

           Buck would do anything for Eddie, as much as he would do anything for Christopher.

           Anything… except what Eddie truly desired from him.

           While baring his soul to the group about his sexuality was one matter, confessing to all his secrets was an entirely different sort he hadn’t felt ready for. He doubted he ever will be. Because if he told Buck the reason why he stopped running from the truth, why he couldn’t deny his feelings after being content in doing so for years, Eddie feared Buck would prove the sickening voices in his head right by leaving him.

           Really, Eddie thought, what else was there to do when you learn your best friend is in love with you?

           So he ignored how Buck’s touch skimmed his lower back, the gentle swaying dance they began by hugging longer than necessary, and, as they drew apart, the struck-match feeling of Buck’s lips brushing the outer edge of his ear.

           There was nothing to read into, he reminded himself. He and Buck were friends. Best friends. Best buddies. Buck had Taylor, and Eddie…

           Eddie had hope. Hope, emboldened by his bout of honesty, that there will come a day he found a man he truly loved to share his life with.

           Even if they weren’t Buck.

[hotrod2007]

focal point

i wrote a buddie fic abt buck being reckless and eddie being stressed <3 i owe all my thanks and love to robin for encouraging me to write it she owns my heart mwah! (here is the link if u would like to read it on ao3 maybe n drop a kudos or a comment even 😳)

Bobby’s hand slaps against Eddie’s back as he hurries them towards the exit. He’s sure Bobby is yelling at him to move faster, hurry, but over the building collapsing behind them, Eddie can’t hear much else besides his own labored breathing. Hen and Chim are ducking their heads, barreling forward in front of him, and he trusts that Buck is following closely behind Bobby. They’re so close to the exit, he can see the flashing lights of trucks and engines from the other stations, and the closer they get, the more the smoke thins, and breathing gets a bit easier.

Bobby practically pushes him out of the small exit when they reach it, and he slams into Hen’s back, and they both fall through the opening with a shout and then take several deep breaths as they inhale fresh air as much and as quickly as they can. Eddie’s staring up at the sky, mask off, letting himself breathe before remembering he has to get up and move farther away from the building, but as he gets up he sees Bobby arguing with Buck at the threshold of the building. Before he can think he’s on his feet and walking towards them as fast as he can – he knows what Buck’s doing.

“I heard someone, Bobby!” Buck shouts, his voice is raspy from the bad air and it cracks. “I have to go back!”

“Buck, no! It’s too dangerous! The building is becoming less and less stable the longer we stand here. Come on!” Bobby points towards the line the police have marked off, Chim and Hen stand by it, watching them, trying to decipher what’s going on.

“Exactly! So I should go now!” Buck counters and Eddie wants to pick him up, throw him over his shoulder, and march back to the safety barrier.

“Buck do not–” Eddie steps towards him and reaches out, but Buck cuts him off.

“You know I have to do this, I’m sorry.” Buck gives them both a pained look before turning and running back into the haze of smoke and fire.

“Buck!” Eddie hears two other voices yell in unison with him, but he’s the only one Bobby is dragging away.

Hen and Chim are trying to push past the officers at the barrier, stressing that they need to get to Eddie and Bobby. Eddie distantly hears them arguing, but he’s too busy trying to break free from Bobby’s grip to pay attention to what exactly is being said. He’s yelling and twisting, but Bobby won’t let go of him, and he watches the rectangle Buck ran through getting smaller and smaller. In a last-ditch effort to get out, he stills and feels Bobby’s hands relax for a second, and in that second Eddie throws his full body weight forward and just barely slips through Bobby’s fingers.

He takes maybe three steps before he stops in his tracks, staring forward in horror.

The building gives a giant moan. Eddie freezes. The front collapses. Time stops. The sound of the flames gets louder. Time begins again.

In his peripheral, he sees Bobby grind to a halt next to him, he imagines a similar look of horror sits on his face. The only exit now sits in front of them, burning, and smoke billows out of the windows surrounding it.

Before he can process what’s happening, police officers are pushing him back, shoving at his shoulders causing him to gracelessly stumble backward. His eyes don’t leave the building. Buck is in there. Buck is in there. With no way out. The last thought makes him want to be sick.

He’s guided to the 118 engine where he meets Chim, Hen, and Bobby gathered around a radio, exchanging worried glances.

“Buck?” Hen says into the radio. “Buck?” She tries again.

“Anything?” Eddie bounds up to them, breathless, pushing down the sick feeling in his gut and trying to focus on what he can do at this moment.

Hen opens her mouth, presumably to say no, but the radio crackle interrupts her.

“-en? Hen?” Comes Buck’s voice through the tiny speaker. “Hen, I can hear you.” Buck’s voice sounds tired and worse than it did the less than two minutes ago Eddie had seen him.

Hen briefly rests her forehead against the radio and lets out a small sigh of relief. Bobby and Chim both look up and give short relieved breaths. Eddie stays focused on the radio, watching the red light blink. As long as that light is blinking, Buck is okay. That’s what he keeps telling himself. Red light means he’s alright. It becomes his new mantra that he chants in his head over and over again.

“Are you okay?” Hen asks, biting her lip with worry after letting the talk button go.

It takes a second, but Buck replies, “I’m okay. I was right, though. Tell Bobby I was right.” And Eddie can practically hear his shit-eating grin, which makes him relax a bit.

“You can tell me yourself when you get your ass out of the building,” Bobby replies, leaning forward a bit so he can be closer to the radio while Hen holds it.

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck replies. “Hey Eddie, I found a new best friend,” Buck jokes, but his voice is tighter than it is when he’s usually joking around. Eddie knows this tone, they all do, he’s trying to play it cool for whoever he’s with.

Eddie plays along. “Oh yeah?” He tries to sound light and happy when he says it, but his voice gives out at the end and he knows he’s doing a shit job of covering up his stress.

“Yeah. Her name’s Audrey, and she’s the coolest third grader I’ve ever met.” Eddie imagines Buck gently kneeling with her, letting her use his mask and air.

Bobby leans back in, so Hen presses down on the talk button again for him. “Hey, Buck,” he begins, “The exit collapsed.” There’s silence for a moment, and they all hold their breath. Then comes the crackle from the other end.

“Yeah.” Buck sighs, his voice closer to the radio and quieter than before. “I heard it.”

“What’s your exit plan?” Bobby responds.

“Uh, right now, I’m trying to get to the other side of the first floor and find a window, and get,” Buck pauses to take a few slow breaths, “Audrey out, and then I’ll follow her.”

Okay. He has a plan. He knows where he needs to go, and a general sense of direction. That’s comforting to know.

“Be safe, Buck,” Chim tells him and his voice is hard, and they all know it’s more of a command than a well-wish. Briefly, Eddie wonders if he’s told Maddie about what Buck did.

“You know me, caution is my middle name.” And that time Buck sounded like himself again. “I’m gonna start moving Audrey and me towards the other side of the building. Radio me if something changes.”

Eddie’s stomach sinks at the thought of not talking to Buck on his radio for several minutes, but instead pushes it down and takes Hen’s radio into his own hands and says, “That goes the same for you.”

“We’ll be extra careful for you, Eddie.” Buck radios back. He hears Audrey muffled in the background, and then Buck says, “Audrey made me promise her that we won’t get hurt, so now I’m going to be extra safe.”

Eddie hands the radio back to Hen and they all turn to face the building, the fire spreading despite having hoses from three different stations trained on it. All he has to do is get from one side to the other.

The captain from one of the other stations jogs up to Bobby and asks for his help on something, and Bobby gives him a clap on the shoulder and a head nod before he heads off with the captain. Chim peels away from him and Hen to go call Maddie and update her about what’s going on, and Eddie’s selfishly glad he won’t have to listen to Chim talk Maddie out of coming down here and storming in herself – he can’t handle the added stress.

“He’ll be okay, Eddie,” Hen says, giving him a soft look. “He’s done shit like this before, he’ll be okay.”

“I’m gonna kick his ass when I see him again,” Eddie says and he bites the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from crying. His eyes are stinging and his vision is blurring, and the last thing he needs right now is a meltdown.

Hen laughs a bit, and she looks down at the ground and kicks at some loose gravel. “You two are gonna be the death of me.”

They fall into an easy silence for a few moments, and Eddie opens his mouth to say something in response to that – to shrug it off, to point out her poor choice of words – when they hear shouting, and they both run out to stand in front of the trucks and engines to try and get an idea of what’s going on. He hears the creaking again, but before he can register what’s happening, Hen’s radio crackles to life.

Buck’s voice comes through, “Eddie–!” and just as soon as Eddie was flooded with relief, dread replaces it as Buck is cut off and the line goes silent.

They both hear a crash and their heads fly up from the radio, and they watch, panicked, as another section of the building collapses right in the direction Buck was heading. A truck turns its water on the newly collapsed part, and people are shouting directions around them. He and Hen both look down at the radio at the same time.

There’s no red blinking light.

Eddie feels the color drain from his face. Hen looks up at him, her eyes wide with fear and brows furrowed. Chim runs up to them and before he can say anything, Hen just lifts the radio towards him.

“Maddie’s driving down.” He sounds as if he’s realizing she might be driving to the scene of her brother’s death. “I couldn’t stop her.”

Bobby rounds the corner of a truck and his eyes catching on the radio Hen is limply holding in her hand. “I know you guys are worried about Buck, I’m worried about him too, but we’re still on the job and there’s still people to look after and care for.” He’s using his Captain Voice and Eddie knows his heart is as close to breaking as theirs if just one more thing goes wrong. The three of them look at Bobby, exhausted, but ready to listen. “Hen, Chim, go to the ambulances and help them attend to the people there.” He nods at them and they split off, hustling towards the few ambulances remaining to take care of those with minor scrapes and bruises. “Eddie,” he turns his head to Bobby at the mention of his name, “You need to be here, present, mentally. We aren’t any good to him just standing here, staring at the building, okay?” Eddie mutley nods at him. “Good. I need you with me. We’re going to talk to the other captains about what to do next.” Bobby turns and walks away from Eddie without looking back, and Eddie hurries after him.

There’s so much noise going on all around him – news choppers, reporters, police yelling at people to stay back, people shouting, the fire, the hoses – but all Eddie can focus on is the clear and heavy absence of Buck. He pulls his radio out of his jacket pocket and clips it to his shoulder, watching for that blinking red light.

The other captains are gathered around the back of one of the engines, slightly hidden from view of the building, but Eddie adjusts himself so he can still see it. He doesn’t know how long he stands in the circle with Bobby and the others, just staring at the fire, trying to will Buck to stumble out of it, but he rejoins the conversation when Bobby slightly shoves his shoulder with his own.

“We need more water. More engines, more trucks, just more.” The woman who’s saying this has a patch on her jacket that reads PARKER. “The whole building could come down soon and then we’re really at risk of it spreading.”

“So what do you suggest we do?” Asks a man with the name HARRISON patched onto him.

“Radio other districts for help. We need to douse this thing.” Parker explains and Harrison and Bobby nod in agreement. “Then, we move everyone back and prepare for building collapse.”

Eddie frowns when he sees Harrison agreeing again, and shoots a look at Bobby. “But wait, we still have a man in there, Captain Parker.”

“Diaz is right. There’s a firefighter and a little girl still inside.” Bobby calmly explains and Eddie thanks whatever God there is that Bobby’s there to back him up.

“Any word from him?” Harrison asks after a brief silence.

“Not since the second collapse, but–”

“Where was he when it collapsed?” Harrison interrupts him.

Eddie falls silent, so Bobby speaks up, “He was in the general area of it.” Eddie catches the other captains shooting each other knowing looks.

“He’s not dead!” Eddie exclaims and they all turn to him.

“Look at the facts, Diaz. He was near the collapse, you haven’t heard from him in minutes, he was in the area, and he’s probably out of air by now.” Parker tells him matter-of-factly, though her eyes are sad. Her tone softens as she says, “I know this isn’t easy. But we can’t put two lives above everyone else’s.”

Eddie knows she has a point. He knows she’s right. But it’s not just any person, it’s Buck. “We can’t just… we can’t leave him – them – to burn!” And Eddie feels his eyes stinging again. “He’s alive! He has to be.”

Parker turns to Bobby, softness almost gone and commands, “You need to get him in check. This isn’t an easy decision, but it’s what we have to do, and you know it.” She puts her helmet back on, and Harrison follows her lead. “I’m going to make a call to another district. Harrison, I want you to help the police back everyone up.” She gives Bobby one more serious look, and then she’s gone.

“Eddie, what did I tell you earlier.” Bobby turns to him once they’re alone.

“Bobby, I know, but it’s Buck,” Eddie says again like if he keeps saying the words, it’ll explain everything.

“Eddie, we all want –”

“No! No, because it’s different for me!” And Eddie grits his teeth as he feels tears run down his face. “It’s different for me.” He repeats, but softer, and his voice cracks. He’s staring hard at the ground as he leans against the engine.

Bobby pauses before responding. “Eddie, we have to start moving back.” He’s using his Dad Voice on him now and Eddie might laugh if the situation was anything but this. “We don’t have to move fast, we can lag behind. We can stay here as long as we can, but if Buck isn’t… but when the building comes down, we’re at risk.”

“He has to be alive, Bobby.” Eddie knows how he sounds – defeated, worn down, desperate. “Because if he isn’t… if this is the time that…” And he trails off, knowing Bobby understands where he was going with it.

Bobby doesn’t say anything else, but he leans against the engine with Eddie, watching police move the barricades and moving people back. They’ll have to drag Eddie kicking and screaming from where he’s standing.

Eventually, Parker makes her way back to them and fixes Eddie with an unimpressed look, and only addresses Bobby while she talks, “You have to move. We’re backing everything up now, and last to move is apparently this engine, a truck, and you two.”

Eddie opens his mouth to argue with her, ready to lament about how he won’t move unless she can pick him up herself when he sees a shape moving in the smoke and haze. He doesn’t let himself get his hopes up, not yet, it could be someone that was doing a last-minute look at the building to assess it. But then he sees a smaller figure slide off the first figure, and then they’re both running towards the lights as fast as they can, and Eddie’s so relieved he wants to scream. So he does.

“Buck!” He shouts and Buck takes Audrey’s hand and leads her towards Eddie and Bobby.

Parker’s head twists around fast and before Eddie can be smug about being right, she’s yelling for someone from the ambulances to come get the girl. Hen and Chim are heard before Eddie can see them, he’s zeroed in on Buck.

His face is covered in ash and there’s a sizable gash across his left cheek and his chin, but he’s smiling and telling Audrey something as he runs over. It finally clicks into place that Buck’s coming towards him, the little girl in tow, and he starts walking towards Buck without a second thought. Bobby’s telling Parker that they’ll move back in a second and agrees to help her move the engine and truck to appease her, and she takes him around the engine.

Hen and Chim are getting closer and yelling out Buck’s name and some phrases a child probably shouldn’t hear, but Eddie gets it. He’d be yelling too if he wasn’t on the verge of sobbing.

When Hen and Chim get to him, they call him a dumbass before dropping to their knees and asking Audrey if they could pick her up to take her to the ambulances. She nods at them and when they pick her up, Eddie notices that her feet are cut up and she’s wearing a nightgown and feels a pang of sadness. He doesn’t realize he’s stopped walking until he looks at Buck who has also stopped walking and is just staring back at him. He flashes Eddie a smile, scratches the back of his head awkwardly, and that sets Eddie back in motion.

When he’s within arm’s reach of him, Buck throws his hands up and opens his mouth, “Look, Eddie–” But Eddie will never know the end of that sentence.

Because he walks right up to Buck, ignores him trying to talk, and kisses him. He’s gripping the front of Buck’s jacket in his hands and holding on tightly as if he’s worried the fire will pull back in. Buck makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat but quickly wraps his arms around Eddie, pulling him in closer. Buck tastes like the mint gum he was chewing earlier and ash, but Eddie doesn’t care.

Eddie screws his eyes shut as he presses in closer to Buck, and he can feel his face getting wet again from his tears, but it doesn’t matter because he has Buck. He has Buck in his arms and he’s kissing him. He feels Buck’s hand move up to his face and he smiles into their kiss, Buck’s hands cupping his face, and Eddie never thought he’d enjoy feeling small, but right now it’s the best feeling in the world.

Unfortunately, there’s still a burning building at risk of collapsing, so they break apart, Eddie wipes at his eyes and pretends he doesn’t see the fond look Buck is giving him. For a moment, it’s just them standing in silence before Bobby comes over and drags them both back to the new barricade.

“Nothing is ever easy with you two.” He grumbles, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face. He unceremoniously dumps them at the edge of the barricade before he walks off to talk to Athena.

Eddie keeps his eyes staring straight ahead because he can feel Buck smiling at him with his megawatt grin, and he’s trying to play it cool. He glances over at Buck and finds himself grinning back. Playing it cool is overrated anyway.

“So,” Buck says as Eddie turns to face him. Buck’s jacket lays haphazardly at his feet now, and he’s got his arms crossed in front of his chest, eyes bright and smile wide. “Is that gonna happen every time I do something reckless now?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, dropping his jacket to the ground too. Feeling bold, he says, “It doesn’t just have to happen then, you know.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up as if he hadn’t considered that. “I’d like that.” Is all he says.

“Good. Me too.” Eddie feels his cheeks flush a bit.

“Are you blushing?” Buck exclaims. “I made Eddie Diaz blush?”

Eddie tries not to smile, trying to look upset. He fails. “Shut up.”

Buck’s expression schools itself one of confidence, and he drops his arms, taking a step towards Eddie. “Make me.”

If Eddie wasn’t red before, he sure as hell is now. Still, he leans in and whispers, “Okay, Buckley.” Before connecting their lips again.

[icarusbuck]

8. “I’m not doing that again”

FOX! 911 | free fall

∞

Buck tipped his head back and shielded his eyes against the bright sunlight, looking up at the figure dangling beneath the partially constructed wind turbine.

"Think the ladder can reach it?" He asked, turning to look at Bobby.

Bobby shook his head. "Too high. We'll have to go at it from above." He looked over at them, his eyes tracking from Buck and landing on Eddie. "You up for a bit of rope work?"

"Aren't we always?" Eddie grinned, looking sideways; Buck met his eyes, the thrill of anticipation making him bounce on his toes.

"Alright. We don't know what kind of shape he's in, so first things first, you need to see if he's even alive. Be careful and watch for signs that he's coming around. If you can, you'll need to get him up to the top and we'll go from there."

"And what if that's not an option?" Buck asked; not arguing, just making sure he understood.

"Option two is to secure a third line and we'll use the thousand-foot rope to lower him down."

Eddie nodded his understanding. They turned in tandem toward the truck, but Bobby stopped them.

"Listen, if he starts to panic you get out of his reach, okay?"

"Okay," Buck said readily. He glanced at Eddie, and Eddie gave him a thumbs up.

They retrieved their harnesses and ropes from the side of the rig, taking care to grab ones that would reach the ground, and soon they were headed up the ladder on the inside of the wind turbine. The climb up only served to emphasize just how tall it was, how far out of reach of the ladder they would be.

Buck whooped from below as they neared the top, his voice echoing around them and down the length of the tube.

At the end of the ladder, Eddie pushed open a clear hatch and finally, they reached the roof. A hook on the guide rail signaled which direction they needed to rappel in, and the two of them worked quickly to anchor their lines, double and triple checking each other's knots.

"Ready?" Eddie shouted over the roar of the wind in his ears. Buck adjusted his goggles and grinned.

"Ready," he confirmed.

Eddie turned on his knees toward the side. Willing his body to ignore the screaming voice in his head, telling him to get away from the edge, telling him he'd die, that was the hard part. He took a deep breath and situated himself next to Buck, then together, they put their weight - and faith - on the ropes.

They descended carefully along the taught bungee cord anchoring the man below them. The wind pushed and pulled at them, so loud in his ears that Eddie could barely hear Buck singing from just a few feet away.

It only took a few minutes to reach the man, who hung limply from his harness. Eddie held him as still as he could, holding on to the harness while Buck searched for a pulse.

"He's alive," Buck yelled and started running his hands along the man's body in search of any injury. He looked up at Eddie when he was done and shook his head. "No injury, I think he just passed out."

"Brace?" Eddie yelled back. He situated himself behind the man and started fumbling with his line, hoping it would be an easy feat to hook the unconscious man to himself.

"Got it," Buck replied, swinging inches away as he released his hold and started to extract the neck brace Hen had attached to his kit.

The moment Buck swung back toward them, the man stirred to life. He jerked in Eddie's grasp, breaking it, and Eddie swung away from the two of them as the man started to scream.

"Sir, you're okay," Buck yelled, holding onto the neck brace with one hand while reaching toward the man with the other. He managed to grab the man's shoulder, even as the man clawed at Buck's chest and face.

The man continued screaming, and it wasn't words, just sound. Eddie couldn't imagine what it must be like to come around hundreds of feet up in the air, the feeling of being suspended with no control.

Buck continued talking to him, even as he reached for the rope. Eddie swung back toward them and knocked into the man, who had managed to wrap one hand through a strap at Buck's waist. "We need you to calm down, you're okay, we're going to get you down, but we need you to stay calm."

Eddie tried to grapple the man from behind, but he didn't know what was safe to grab. If he had any kind of spinal injury, the flailing alone was likely to do more damage than any kind of restriction Eddie put on him.

"Hey!" Buck cried suddenly, and the man's movements became even more erratic. The alarm in Buck's voice made Eddie's blood run cold. "Stop! Don't do that!"

"Sir," Eddie yelled, managing to hook his chin over the man's shoulder from behind. He wrapped one leg around the man's waist, frustrated that the instability of the bungee cord prevented him from doing more.

"Fuck!" Buck screamed, just as he came into Eddie's view.

And then he was gone, and they lurched sideways as Buck's rope dangled weightless in front of them. Eddie's hands begin to shake.

"Buck?" Eddie called out, his voice tiny and lost in the wind. "Buck!" He yelled, louder now, staring in disbelief as Buck's anchor drifted away on the breeze. His mind went blank.

Buck, gone.

The images flashed through his mind of what he'd find when he reached the ground, and he clenched his eyes tight around them, screaming Buck's name over and over.

As if to add insult to injury, the man went limp in his hold once more.

Several agonizing seconds passed. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. He had half a mind to strangle the man in front of him.

He ran through the possibilities; two hundred fifty feet up, the odds of landing on the air cushion were slim to none. They were too high for it to really protect anyone from the fall anyway. They were also too high for the ladder.

They were just too damn high.

The world narrowed to his pulse, and just when he thought he might lose his mind, he felt movement. A hand, gripping his ankle like a vice.

He twisted in surprise, putting the unconscious man at arm's length in order to look down.

Buck had one arm wrapped around the other man's legs, the bungee hooked under his arm from the drop. He gripped Eddie's leg like the lifeline it was because the only thing preventing the fall to his death was Buck himself.

"Hey Eddie," Buck called up to him, managing to sound as casual as if it happened every day. He adjusted his hand, and Eddie could only stare at him, unwilling to believe it was real. "Could use a hand down here."

"You fucker," Eddie yelled back and looked to the man they were there to help. His head lolled to the side, useless. Buck's line trailed in the wind a few feet away, too far out of reach to do any good.

"Eddie," Buck called out, but Eddie couldn't look at him. He searched frantically for a solution, a way to get Buck on a line that wouldn't risk a further fall. "It's going to be okay."

He looked down. Buck's face was firm, his blue eyes bright and shining even through the goggles they wore in high winds.

"We're all going to be fine." He moved his hand up toward the back of Eddie's knee, and it finally set in that somehow, Buck really was dangling from him. "Stop moving!" Buck yelled, with just enough irritation that Eddie froze.

Time passed, but whether it was crawling or speeding, Eddie couldn't tell. Buck made slow progress, alternating between shifting his grip up Eddie's leg and up the unconscious man's body.

Somehow, after what felt like agony, Buck hooked his arm around Eddie's hip.

Eddie moved automatically to wrap his legs around Buck's ribcage, and he felt Buck's face pressed into his stomach. They weren't out of the woods yet, but at least he could help take Buck's weight off of him.

He could feel Buck trembling now, finally letting the fatigue show as he sagged in the grip of Eddie's thighs. He tightened them.

Buck turned his face up, his blue eyes wide and terrified.

"I've got you," Eddie said, then again above the roar of the wind. He reached down to grab hold of something, anything that would help give Buck an anchor. "Just hold on, don't let go. I've got you."

Buck began to laugh then, shaking in Eddie's grip. It wracked through his body, on the verge of sobbing.

"It's not fucking funny!" Eddie cried. He let go of the unconscious man entirely so he could take hold of Buck's biceps, his fingers practically digging into Buck's armpit.

"Good thing I'm not ticklish," Buck called out, and he began to laugh harder.

Eddie stared at him in disbelief. "You're going to die if you don't shut up," he told him, looking for the line in desperation. It was swinging around in a wide arc, but it had begun to thread back toward them, losing some of the slack.

He peered down at the ground and saw the specs of the 118 reeling in the slack, slowly bringing the rope back toward him.

Eventually, it came close enough for Eddie to grab it. He took Buck's full weight on his legs and took hold of his jacket so he could get himself hooked back in.

Only once Buck had tested the rope, and his weight lifted off of Eddie's legs, was Eddie able to let go.

They drifted back towards the unconscious man, careful now to stay out of his reach while they worked. Together, Buck and Eddie managed to get him hooked into their lines, and they descended with the added weight towards the ground.

Chimney and Hen were waiting with the stretcher. As soon as the man was safely on the ground, Eddie staggered to the side, leaning over in an attempt not to lose his lunch.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned, straightening, to see Buck standing there.

Buck had removed his goggles, leaving his normally perfect hair mussed. He started to speak, but Eddie didn't let him as he nearly tackled Buck in the tightest hug he'd ever given. Buck's arms squeezed him back, so tight he couldn't breathe.

"I think I'm done with heights for a while," Eddie said, laughing wetly when they parted. He took off his own goggles and wiped at his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm not doing that again," Buck said. There was no humor in it. His hands came up to frame Eddie's face, and he pulled him close until their foreheads pressed together. Eddie couldn't see anything except those blue eyes. "You saved me," Buck said.

Eddie nodded. "I've got your back," he said, cupping the back of Buck's neck. He could already feel the fatigue setting into his legs, and he'd be lucky if he could walk for the soreness; but Buck was here, alive, and any amount of pain was worth that.

[chancelloramidala]

Staring at the Sun ➤ Evan Buckley

Chapter Five: Growing Pains.

Masterlist.

Marceline Pierce was trying her very hardest to move on from Evan Buckley. It sucked because yeah, maybe this should’ve happened long ago when it was obvious that he didn’t return her affections, but hey at least she’s learning.

She got tired of waiting, of being filled with sadness and jealousy whenever Abby was brought up (especially whenever the subject of "Abby made me a better person!", god that made her blood boil) or whenever she was around.

It made Marceline feel… ugly if that made sense. She didn’t like those feelings brimming at the top of her surface and sort of gave up on her feelings for Buck.

She went on a few dates, finding that the men, women, and non-binary folk she met were just trying to find a one-time thing. And in most cases, Marceline was fine with that, nothing too serious and just a little fun for one night, but she craved something more than a quick interaction like that.

She wanted to get to know someone, figure out what they like and dislike, what they’re allergic to, what drives them to be a good person, and many other things. Marceline wanted a human connection that lasted longer than one night, one that would be reciprocated instead of one-sided.

And that’s how she met Elena Chavez. A beautiful Argentinian-American woman who's easy on the eyes and had the ability to make Marceline actually laugh without trying too hard. They’ve been on a few dates, namely four, and kissed for the first time towards the end of their third.

It was strange for Marceline to be dating again after several years of remaining single and then the several months quietly pinning over a goddamn oaf, but she was proud of herself. She realized that Buck was just never going to love her back in the same capacity she did and decided that she deserved better, even if it wasn’t with him like she initially hoped.

Even if something crucial was just… missing.

Nicolette was ecstatic to see her moving on from Buck. She even helped set up many of Marceline’s failed dates, but she was glad that Marceline was leaving her options open to people other than Buck. Nic has spent the better half of her days listening to her best friend go on and on about her unrequited love for Evan Buckley, and watched her cry when he attended her get-well-soon party with his new girlfriend.

Plus, it helped Marceline think Elena was actually there for her when she watched the other woman interact with Gemma and Nic. Because if there was anything you had to know about Marceline Pierce was that her friends and somewhat co-parentship to Nicolette and Gemma Pierce were an added deal into dating her.

And after the sixth date, Marceline worked up the courage to introduce Elena to another set of important people in her life: her team. Even if they didn’t know they were that important to her.

“Hey, guys, uh,” Marceline cleared her throat at the table whilst Bobby laid out the food with the help of Chimney and Buck. “Can I talk to you?”

“Hm?” They all turned their attention to her, and at that moment she kinda wanted to disappear.

“So,” she pressed her lips into a thin line as she recalled the dialogue she made up last night. “I know I haven’t been the most… open person here with my personal life, but I do consider you to be people I hold very close to my heart.“ she paused for a moment, her green and brown eyes glancing around the table to find they were all looking at her with soft expressions and a small smile tinged on their lips. ”So, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to introduce you all to my girlfriend?”

“Of course,” Bobby nodded without any hesitation and smiled softly at Marceline for taking a step at opening herself up to them.

“Aw, so the Ice Queen does have a heart.” Chimney jokes, thus earning a smack to the back of his head from Hen. “Hey, hey, I was joking, I’m very excited to meet her, Mars.” He winked at her as he rubbed the back of his head and shot Hen a playful glare.

“Great,” then she checked the watch on her wrist, “she’ll be here any moment. She’s bringing a pie.”

Marceline then led Elena towards the table after she arrived, and gestured to each person as they introduced themselves. “This is my dysfunctional team, El,” she said with a small firm.

Elena smiled brightly at everyone and waved, “It’s great to finally put faces to the names, Mars talks about,”

“Please, sit,” Bobby gestured to the table, specifically at the open spot next to Marceline.

Chimney, ever so the man to break the ice eyed the tin towards the end of the table. “So, what kind of pie did ya bring for us?”

She grinned as pink tinted her cheeks. “I baked you guys some peach pie,”

Bobby was instantly intrigued. “You made it yourself?”

Buck laughed, “We’ll you’ve already sold, Bobby huh?”

“Yes, I’m a baker and owner of Delicate Taste Buds downtown.”

Then, for the majority of the meal, Elena and Bobby exchanged their favorite dessert recipes with Marceline smiling softly at the woman next to her. It didn’t go unnoticed that the two women were holding hands at this point. Their clasped hands could be seen on the table when Elena talked about herself and grew nervous, wanting to make a good impression for the 118. So Marceline carefully reached over and put her hand on Elena’s, and gave it a gentle squeeze

Hen and Chimney whispered conspicuously to one another, smiling at Marceline and Elena’s display of affection and talking about how cute the two women were.

Buck sat there, nodding and listening to Elena talk about herself, and would add his own inquiries every so often. Then his eyes would flicker to Marceline who seemed to be only staring at the woman beside her with this soft, gentle gaze that matched how he felt he looked at Abby.

Evan Buckley never thought he’d see Marceline Pierce like this. So entranced with another being. But perhaps he wasn’t looking hard enough, to begin with.

Because if Henrietta Wilson knew the long, pining gazes of Marceline Pierce, it certainly wasn’t directed to Elena Chavez. While Buck, Bobby, and Chimney were busy talking with Elena, they never caught Marceline staring at Buck with heartbreak in her heterochromatic eyes.

The facade of warmth she thought she was holding together for her own sake slipped whenever she even spared a look to Evan Buckley.

Eventually, Elena had to go stating that she had errands to run and a business to manage. The team gave Elena and Marceline some time to say their goodbyes as they cleaned up from their meal before smirking at the woman as she walked up the twisting stairs.

“What?” she asked, dubious as to why the hell her coworkers were acting so goddamn weird. “Do I have something on my face or…?”

“We’re just happy for you, that’s all.” Bobby cut in before Chimney or Buck could make a fool of themselves.

“Oh,” Marceline replied, dumbfounded at how her team seemed to enjoy Elena’s company. “Well, don’t be too happy,” she mumbled under her breath as she walked over to the sink since it was her turn to wash the dishes.

As she rolled up her sleeves, Buck slid beside her with a red rag in hand. “You wash and I’ll dry?”

For a moment, she eyed the other man strangely, knowing very well that they had a drying rack for this very purpose but whatever, to each their own. “Sure,” she mused before turning the water on.

Silence washed over the two firefighters by the sink, one passing a wet plate or fork the other’s way as they dried it with a dishrag. But just because it was quiet, didn’t mean it was uncomfortable. Marceline and Buck were in sync with each other’s movements, the only sound coming from the splashing of water from the sink or the small squeak from the cloth against a plate.

This gave Marceline a lot of time to think about where she was in her life right now. And the more she thought about it, the worse she felt. In the end, no matter how hard she tried to get over Buck, he would still tug on her heartstrings and linger in the back of her mind, and that was in no way fair to Elena. Even if she was the perfect person to be dating, Marceline had too much shit to work through and Elena didn’t deserve to be used as a distraction of sorts.

(In short, her efforts of shoving her feelings for Evan Buckley into a box locked away deep within her wasn't going so well.)

After they finished washing and drying each and every dish in the sink and the epiphany she was having, Marceline took a blue rag nearby and wiped her hands before turning to Buck. “I think I’m going to break up with Elena,”

“What?” Buck was absolutely floored to hear this because he thought Marceline was head-over-heels with Elena.

She shrugged lamely as she threw the towel onto the counter after she finished drying her hands, “She’s a great person, but… I lack that spark with her, you know?” she turned her head to look at him, curious to know if Buck would understand.

Buck tilted his head to the side for a moment, pondering at the word spark. Because if anything, he’d think that he has that special spark with Abby. She brought the best in him, Buck 2.0 which was the best Buck, so that had to mean something, right? “Yeah,”

But then Abby’s mom died and that spark he thought he had with her started to dwindle when she walked past the glass doors and into the airport.

@skyslowalking @beelarson 4 u <3

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷ AUTHOR’S NOTE: we in season two now bitches