#hi! I've been out of front for what I think is 2? irl days? 1½ irl days? I don't know

[euclydya]

my gender is robot. my gender is wires. my gender is robot in a nonbinary way and girl in a robot way. my gender is girl in a queer way. My gender is, Dyke. My gender is masculine in the complete opposite direction of that, and I don't know what direction that is but I do know that it's Faggot. My gender OS is: Fucked Up. I'm a girl in a queer way [in a technology way]. I'm a boy in a dog way [in a virtual pet way]. My gender is, "Yes, And". My gender is, "No, But". My gender is: Probably not! My gender is the Eroticism Of The Machine. My gender is

[cagemasterfantasy]

3rd life remastered IRL segment 2 part 1/2

A note to all of you this story is ficitonal everyone portrayed in this story (save for Slimer) is real and is used in a fictitious manner. This story is entirely satire. It is recommended to read the other parts of 3rd life remastered before reading this part. This story talks about touchy topics mainly Suicide and Self Harm. With that being said please enjoy.

After session 2 is over I exit my tent at Minecon that I've been sitting in for the past 3 hours and see Scott waiting outside for me. Scott: See you aren't in costume and we are about to sign autographs for our fans" Me: Hey alright it's hard to find a costume that's of a slime ok" Bigb: We can help with that" Bdubs: Yeah we have something for you" Me: Why are you guys looking at me like that" Tango: You're going behind the scenes and we're going to dress you up now let's go we're all dressed like our avatars you aren't and that's not fair" They then begin leading me backstage Me: Hey get your hands off of me" Once backstage I see Jimmy holding a bucket filled with liquidy green slime Me: Ok this is ridiculous JImmy: You wanted to have a slime as your avatar so we're turning you into a slime" Me: I hate all of you" bdubs: Hey lighten up you always wanted to be a slime so we're turning you into a slime" Bigb: Yeah think of it as a slime filled day of fun" Jimmy: I'm just going to dump this whole thing on you and you are going to like it" Me: you son of a bi-" I don't get to finish that as Jimmy runs up to me and dumps the entire bucket onto me Me: UGH SOME OF THAT GOT INTO MY MOUTH YOU IDIOT" Scott: Now you're a slime just like you've always wanted to be" Bigb Bdubs Jimmy and Tango burst into laughter Me: Oh you think this is funny huh?" Scott: Relax you can take a shower once you get back to the hotel"

I return to where I'm supposed to be seated and sit down a glistening green mess. The first person to approach is a girl in her teens. She has pale arms teal and yellow fingertips blonde hair and glasses on. What I don't know is this is my editor doodl3 finally meeting her after all this time. I see Rylee jump into Jimmy's lap. Me: You are a definite traitor Rylee" doodl3: Aww doggo being cute" Me: So how does it feel finally being in front of me" Keep in mind I don't know she's my editor doodl3: You're a lot slimier than I thought" Me: Blame Jimmy the Loser for that" Jimmy's eyes perk up and he looks at me Jimmy: Hey come on now I least I don't unintentionally embarrass myself all the time like you do" I look back at doodl3 Me: So do you want a picture or a autograph" doodl3: Both" Me: Alright and what's your name?" "Call me Jill" She says as she steps in front of me with her phone out me giving her a slimy peace sign" Me: Alright so what do you want me to write" doodl3: Sorry for scaring you with that video" I look flustered. Scott heard what she said and speaks up for me Scott: Excuse me young lady I am going to have to ask respectfully to please not bring up the video about him around him alright" Me: Hey Scott it's fine I don't mind talking about it but yes please choose something else for me to write" doodl3: It's been my pleasure to make you laugh and entertain you for all these 10 years" I write that down and say to her "Hey I got a proposition for you I will put a slimy handprint on this paper if you go over and insult Jimmy for covering me in slime" Scott has a grin on his face doodl3: Coming right up" Jimmy: Hello there little girl what's your na-" doodl3: Hello Loser Idiot" Everyone looks at her stunned for a second before everyone except for Jimmy bursts out laughing Jimmy: I AM NOT A LOSER" Me: Yet you never win anything"

I fall out of my chair laughing everyone else is cracking up when suddenly I feel my chest tightening and begin coughing and can't use my inhaler due to it being too slimy. Scott and Joel are the first to notice and they quickly shut up and run over to me. Joel takes off to find Grian who has my backup inhaler and as soon as he returns with it I'm all blue gasping for air. Scott: Stay with me" Jimmy: Don't die on us now buddy" Tango: Help's on the way don't worry" Joel finally runs back and uses my inhaler on me. doodl3 meanwhile looks absolutely horrified at what she saw. I get back up relieved Me: Thanks Joel" "no problem we're all here for you. Go on take your inhaler" Me: You hold onto it I'm all slimy right now and about to kick Jimmy's butt later" Jimmy: No I was doing what I had to do it's not my fault you had your mouth open" I decide to uphold my promise and give doodl3 my slimy handprint. Later she sees me getting into a cab with Impulse Scar and Tango heading back to the hotel funnily enough the same hotel she is staying at.

As soon as she arrives back she sees me get out of the cab. Me: JIMMY" Jimmy: Uh oh" We head into the lobby where I'm chasing (question mark) JImmy around a couch "Come back here. Come here I'm gonna kick your butt" Jimmy: I told you it's not my fault you had your mouth open" doodl3: Still mad at Jimmy I see?" "Oh hey Jill what are you doing here?" doodl3: This is where I'm staying for Minecon and it seems I'm with the lifers" "Probably not Jimmy in a minute while they were dressing me up in the middle of speaking and Jimmy dumped the whole bucket of slime on me without warning and some of it got in my mouth" doodl3: oh really huh? Want me to kick his butt" Jimmy: No I don't feel like getting kicked by a girl please" Impulse: Hey come on now let's all be civil about this" Me: You could have at least told me to strip to my underwear beforehand now because of you one of my inhalers got ruined and I almost died because of you" Jimmy: I didn't know what to do this was all Grian's idea" I sigh Me: Hey since we're staying here together Jill I'm about to head to the pool after I get showered off want to meet there or are you busy?" doodl3: Sure"

I'm in my hotel room in the shower full temperature there is steam everywhere. Scar comes into the bathroom and see all the steam coming from above the shower curtains Scar: Hey how hot are you making that?" "As hot as it'll get to get this slime off" Scar: You're going to turn that down right now mister" Me: Or what" Scar then flushes the toilet. Meanwhile doodl3 is walking to the pool with Cleo and Mumbo Mumbo: Really now so you're the one who edits and moderates Slimer's streams? Well I say you do a really good job" All 3 of them then hear me screaming from my room and shortly after Scar runs out laughing Cleo: What did you do?" Scar: He was in there taking a shower to wash the slime off of him and I flushed the toilet on him when he wouldn't turn the temperature down. " Cleo: Are you insane" Mumbo: He's going to emerge looking like a lobster" doodl3 doesn't do anything but chuckle at the thought Cleo: Scar I am glad you are not my roomate because you wouldn't be alive if you did that to me" Impulse: Did what to who" Impulse approaches with Lizzy and Bigby Cleo: This Pimplebrain just cooked Slimer like a lobster" I then emerge from my room in a tshirt and my swim trunks my skin red all over just as Jimmy appears as soon as he sees me he bursts out laughing. "Ryan be lucky I have asthma or I'd be chasing you around this hotel to kick your butt" doodl3 then bursts out laughing at the thought Scar: Oh no I'm so scared you're not going to hurt your Scar Wars buddy are you?" "Ryan I am going to kick your butt while you're asleep tonight you're not even going to see it coming"

At the pool everybody is in their swimsuits and ready to go into the water. Mumbo: You got your inhaler nearby?" "Yes and this one is my waterproof one and let's hope Jimmy doesn't ruin this one" Jimmy: Oh shut up" Cleo: Don't worry if something happens we're here for you" Impulse: Yeah don't worry just stay in the shallow in" Lizzy: We got you don't worry"

I stay in the shallow end with doodl3. "So what made you start watching me?" Doodl3: I love how funny you are. I especially love how you lost in tnt run to Tango" "Oh shut up I was beating him and then blocks suddenly started disappearing" doodl3: You lost miserably and you know it" I see everyone else doing a underwater breath contest and I hear the voices "Do it" is all they say "HEY LET ME JOIN IN OVER HERE" Scott enters as I shout that having just gotten ready Scott: I think you should relax It's not a good idea" I'm already under the water Scott: You idiot" My asthma begins to kick in due to the Chlorine and unfortunately my inhaler gets sucked into the skimmer in the deep end I'm now underwater screaming doodl3 is trying to pull me up to the surface along with Scott. Thankfully the others have noticed and are swimming over to me. Jimmy is in the skimmer fishing my inhaler out. The others manage to get my arm free and pull me out of the pool. As soon as Jimmy uses my inhaler on me Scott says "YOU IDIOT I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO UNDER BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN" doodl3: you really need to listen to Scott on this one" "Look I'm sorry I just felt left out" Scott: Felt left out? You could have died. Do you know how many times you've almost died and now you want to test it over some stupid contest?" Mumbo: Hey it isn't stupid but-" Impulse: You're missing the point"Cleo: You have to be absolutely insane" Me: I just don't like feeling left out and I didn't know there was chlorine in the pool" doodl3: Feeling left out? You're life is more important then being left out?" Scott: And yes there's going to be chlorine it's an indoor pool"

After a little bit of arguing with everyone I get dried off and head out with doodl3 trailing behind me to the banquet hall. When I see Rylee exit with icing on his mouth. He runs over and hugs doodl3. "Oh yeah don't mind him he loves people but who was the one who-" I see Tango eating a fruit parfait "I should have known TANGO DO NOT FEED MY DOG" Tango: It's a yogurt parfait they're dog friendly" Me: do not make yourself the 3rd person who's butt I have to kick today" "who are the other 2?" "Jimmy and Ryan" I then turn to doodl3 and say "Sorry you aren't allowed in here this is for lifers only" She just shrugs. Little do I know she IS allowed in there due to her being my editor and mod. doodl3: Eh it's fine I don't mind I got plenty of other stuff to do anyway like pet puppo" Me: Traitor" doodl3: Awwwww you aren't a traitor" Me: Well I'm going to eat and then see where the night takes me"

As soon as I'm in the banquet hall I text @doodl3 not knowing that I've been with her the entire time. The text says "man day 1 of Minecon and already I'm exhausted. I already have to kick Scar Jimmy and Tango's butt already. Don't know how much more I can take" I then hear the voices again "Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it"

end of irl segment 2 part 1/2

[akehoshimystar]

Haruhi SSR

Bath in the Moonlight

Part 1

Haruhi: …..Hyper chat~ Ito: (Ah…Ichikawa-kun is streaming?)

I was helping out with the Administrative Dept. today and I came to deliver a drink to Ichikawa-kun in place of Tsukimoto-san, who was absent. But I stopped in my tracks when I heard a very fluent machine gun talk coming from the room.

Ito: (…I shouldn't disturb him, I'll come back later.)

Just as I was about to turn back, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Haruhi: Get in. Ito: (…He noticed me after all.) (His voice is completely different from before… Which means the stream has just ended. As always, his tone-changing is amazing.) Pardon my intrusion. I've brought you a drink….

Haruhi: Haa…

As soon as I opened the door, Ichikawa-kun got up from his gaming chair and walked lazily to the couch. And collapsed right into it.

Ito: (That much talking is bound to take a lot of energy. But doesn't he look a bit pale…?) Haruhi: ……. Ito: (Maybe he isn't feeling well?) Um, should I leave for now? Or is there anything else you'd like me to do? Haruhi: I'm the one who told you to come in, so no thanks….. It'll get better after a while. Ito: Is that so? (I guess that’s the case after all… but I'm sure Ichikawa-kun knows himself better than anyone else, so I don't think it's right for me to try to do anything here…) Then, I'll just leave the drink here. Haruhi: Yeah…….. …………………… Ito: (…I don’t think I should leave him alone.)

I couldn’t help but be concerned about Ichikawa-kun’s pale complexion. The hesitation to leave the room just got even stronger.

Ito: Ichikawa-kun, you can say so if you don't want my presence here but I'm still worried after all. Can I extend my stay a little longer? I'll keep an eye on you. Once you’re really okay, I'll leave right away. Haruhi: Not that I have any problem… Feel free to do as you like… Ito: Yes.

Part 2

Ito: …..Huh? You’ve been feeling unwell by the end of the stream?

After I asked permission to stay in the room a little longer, Ichikawa-kun told me about his situation.

Haruhi: My body started to feel heavy, and that’s when I realized, "Oh, this is bad." But I still managed to end that stream perfectly, well, barely. Ito: I see. So quitting was not an option even when you started to feel sick. Haruhi: I can't quit when I don't even know what’s going on. It's gonna be annoying if people suspect something weird. Ito: Still, it's incredible that you were able to finish streaming despite your condition. Not sure if this is the right word, but I think Ichikawa-kun has willpower. Haruhi: Huh? You got it wrong for sure. No one say something like that to me. Ito: No. It's not like hot-blooded type of guts. It’s when you have to endure so that it won’t be troublesome later on… That's what I mean. It’s how you handle things so calmly. Haruhi: ………………I doubt I'm good enough to be told that. This is just how I normally am, my irl. I don't want that part of mine to be exposed. Anything but that….

Haruhi: …….. Ito: (Ah… He fell asleep…) (But I guess I could tell from talking with him that this wasn’t unusual for him.)

I felt a little relieved by Ichikawa-kun’s regular breathing…

Haruhi: ……Tai….ga…. Ito: (He’s calling Tsukimoto-san even in his sleep…!?) (I should probably report to Tsukimoto-san or Sei-san for now.)

While thinking that, my eyes shifted their focus to Ichikawa-kun as he slept defenselessly in front of me.

Ito: (…I feel like he trusts me a little more now than when we first met.) (It might just be my imagination, though.)

Although I knew it was impolite, I gently wrapped the blanket over Ichikawa-kun, feeling a little warmth in my heart.

Part 3

A few days later. I had to visit the house again for some business, and I met Ichikawa-kun for the first time in a few days.

Ito: Ichikawa-kun, how are you feeling since then? Haruhi: As you can see. Otherwise I'd be sleeping and we wouldn't have met. Ito: That's true. Haruhi: Even if something did happen, there’s nothing unusual about it. I would just get better right away, like I said the other day. Ito: Oh, by the way. When I got home, I watched the live broadcast from that day. Haruhi: Hmm, an archive? Ito: Yes. But I couldn’t tell at all when Ichigawa-kun got sick. You really are a pro. Haruhi: Is that how you watch a stream? Ito: It’s not like that’s all I was wondering about…! Of course, the stream itself was fun. Personally, I almost let out a scream along with Ichigawa-kun when he lost all his items, and the thrilling boss battle time attack really was keeping me on the edge of my seat… Haruhi: I get it already, you’re really watching it. Ito: Yes, that’s the fact. Haruhi: You’re exaggerating. Well, not that I doubt you in the first place. If Taiga and Sei saw it, I think they would know right away that I was not feeling well. Ito: Those two are professionals, I expect nothing less.

Haruhi: That’s not something that needs professionalism..…..But, oh well…. Thanks. Ito: Hmm? Um, did I do something to deserve a thank you? Haruhi: Not now. It’s from that day when I did a stream. Ito: (The stream? .….Ah.)

He didn't say explicitly that it was about the drink and blanket from that day. But I could tell from his clear words of gratitude that he really meant it….

Ito: (I see…Ichikawa-kun might actually be a person with strong sense of obligation.)

“You're welcome”, as I accepted his words, I felt like I had discovered something new about Ichikawa-kun.

[f4irycafe]

I just looked at your masterlist and saw acotar, so I was wondering which court would you wanna be lady/high lady of and why?

this was the wrong question to ask me anon cause i could write an entire dissertation on this and y’all are abt to read it hehe hehe. please request more stuff like this i love this ask omg. i could talk abt this series for ages.

MY TOP 3 COURTS ARE UNDERNEATH THE CUT!

1. spring court

lol bet u didn’t think that would be on there. but high lord aside, spring and autumn have always been my two favorite seasons. i loved them because they were “transitions” not too cold like the winter, and not deathly hot like summer. watching flowers bloom, seeing all the animals come back out of hiding, watching my city like come alive again, everything about spring has always just has such sweet memories for me.

now if we wanna talk about tamlin i like the guy, or atleast i love the fanon version of him i’ve created in my head. whenever i imagine settling down with tamlin it’s always a couple decades after what happened in acomaf. boy has healed, and his court is flourishing, he has friends, newfound family, he’s thriving okay. i also feel like our personalities would go great together, he can be a little shit sometimes and i appreciate that cause i’m a little shit, always. for some reason i also feel like the people of spring have a very rich and deep culture, and i would love to know more about it.

i want to live and spring and dance thru the flowers at night with the fairies and then get drunk with my husband on top of a hill that overlooks out court and i feel like tamlin could 100% give that to me <3

2. summer

my second favorite seasonnnn + tarquin in the best high lord. politically and economically, tarquin checks ALL of my boxes. working towards democracy? love it. wants to ABOLISH THE CLASS SYSTEM? HELLOOOOOO that's husband material right there. i feel like he's the most genuine and caring out of all the high lords, and that really shows in how he rules his court. plus he is absolutely gorgeous...and black. so yes, he is quite possibly everything you could ask for in a husband.

i was born in the beginning of summer so i also probably have a personal connection to wanting to rule over summer w tarquin. i've always loved the beauty of the sea, and admired people who go out there every day for fishing and exploration and manage to come back alive. but i flourish in the summer. always happy, always outside doing something, even if its just reading on the front porch all day or doing stupid little sidewalk drawings with my friends. i do feel like tarquin would be a little bit too kind hearted to handle my sass, and that's where my third and most controversial option is.

overall, summer will always hold such a sweet place in my heart.

3. autumn dun dun unnnnnn

hehe i love eris. have always loved eris, will always love eris and there is next to nothing you could say to me to make me believe he is a bad person. he just. wow. everything about him is wow. this is def more a person based preference rather than a court/seasonal one. an eternal autumb doesn't sound AMAZINg, but where i'm from irl we never really get the whole red leaves thing in the fall, so i feel like it would be amazing to experience that in autumn. i def love the big meanie on the outside but soft for me trope. like i said in tamlins, i can be a little shit. like SHITTT sometimes. and i feel like eris matches my personality even more than tamlins. we both put on masks while were around other people, and while mine is a lot more enthusiastic, kind, and extroverted than eris' it would be nice to have someone to take it off around.

i feel like afte eris settles into being high lord he chooses very carefully who he wants close to him. he makes sure they all have good values and care about the people they were tasked to rule over. he creates a family of brothers for himself because his real one is so shitty. i feel like all the people he appoints would be strangers at first, but grow to have a bond thicker than blood. eris would be a great high lord and would want to protect his people more than anything, ALL of his people, not just ones who live in a stupid little secret city (cough cough rhysand).

my love. i feel like he would be the best husband. humor me, love me, do stupid devious shit with me. it would be really fun.

elles ramblings: LOl if you managed to read through that whole thing thank u i really appreciate it. and please please pLEASE don't be afraid to ask me other questions like this :)

[thechekhov]

Hi Chekhov! Really enjoying your white diamond au! I had a quick art question: How do you start comissions? I've been improving my drawing skills and thinking about drawing for others after having fun in artfight, but I don't know where to start? How much to charge, how to get paid, etc. Do you have any tips? Hope you're doing well! :)

Alright, since a few people have asked, I’ve decided to put together a few things about how to get started on commissions - what you need, what you should make, and how to keep things organized. 

This will get a little long, so I’ll divide it into 4 main sections:

1) Draw Art - Getting started

2) Get Commissioned - Making a commission sheet, Advertising

3) ??? - Communicating, Setting Limits, Running the Business

4) Profit - Pricing Yourself and Getting Paid

* Disclaimer: I’m an artist, so this How-To will be illustration-focused. I’m sure many of these tips can apply to ANY types of commissions, but I will be focusing on the type I know best. If you are proficient in other types of commissions for other types of art - music commissions, photography, etc - feel free to chime in and leave a comment or make your own tutorial!

1) Draw Art

I think this is probably the most obvious part, but it needs to be said:

Before you start making art for other people, you must first be comfortable making art in general.

I’m not saying your art has to be Disney-quality, or industry-level! Not at all. 

BUT! You must be comfortable creating what you sell. If you try to sell something you have little confidence in, you will stress yourself out and possibly end up losing time AND money.

Don’t shoot for the moon if you haven’t landed on it even once. Sell what you know you’re good at. Your commissions don’t HAVE to include full-body illustrations if you don’t know how to draw feet/solid stances. Limit yourself to what you can do.

Things you need to should probably have before starting commissions:

1. Access to art materials or a fully downloaded art program

DO NOT - Use a free tutorial version that will expire in a month and leave you without a way to draw! If you are having trouble finding a program, try free ones like MediBang Paint Pro. 

2. Free time to complete the amount of commissions you want to take.

DO NOT - Take on or offer commissions if you KNOW you’re going to be overwhelmed with school or personal life for the next 2+ months. Pace yourself, otherwise you’ll burn out, get stressed, and get discouraged.

3. A reliable way to communicate with your customers like a commissions-only email 

DO NOT - Use your friend/family/college email. It’s hard to keep track of things as it is, and creating new emails is easy and free. And keep it professional if you can! Not many people will reach out to dong-wiggles20434 to ask for a design. Ideally, your email should be close to your brand - however you want to brand yourself. Usernames are fine!)

DO NOT - Use Instagram/Twitter/Tumblr to collect commission info unless you are ready to do the organizing yourself. Some people make it work, but in my experience, if you use these SNS sites to communicate with friends and network... you’re going to be losing commission inquiries right and left and accidentally ignoring people. Email is much easier to organize and sort into folders.

4. A portfolio or at least 2-3 pieces of each type of art you’re planning to sell. 

DO NOT - Advertise commissions without having any examples of the art you plan to sell. People will find it difficult to trust you if you can’t even give them a vague idea of what sort of drawing they’ll be getting. 

Disclaimer: These are not hard ‘do not’s. If you have had a different experience, I respect that. I’m simplifying for the sake of streamlining this advice. 

.

2) Get Commissioned

So - you have your art, you have your art program, and you’ve got all the time in the world. That means.... that’s right! It’s time to let the world know you’re taking commissions.

One of the most common ways artists signal to their audience that they can do commissions is by creating a commissions sheet. There are MANY ways to make this - and they range from simple and doodly ones to VERY complex designs. For example, here’s mine! 

There are many ways to organize a commission sheet. At its core, a commission sheet should display the types of art you WANT to be commissioned to make. Let’s go over a few ways they can be done!

#1.... Body Portion Dividers!

This sheet is most common with those who want to capitalize on drawing people and characters. If you want to draw lots of characters, this is a great way to offer several tiers of pricing based on how much of their character your customers want to see. 

#2... Complexity Scale

If you’re open to drawing many things but want to base your pricing off of how complex something is, you can split your tiers into done-ness. This type of commission is popular with those that draw characters AND animals, furries, etc.

#3....  Style and Type

If you’re more on the design side of things, or if you have various niche art styles that you can’t quite lump together, display a variety of your skills alongside each other! It helps if all the ones you have can be organized under a common customer - like those looking to advance their own business and get logos, websites, or mascots made for them!

.

3) ???

You got your first commission... what happens now???

Well, ideally you have the time, tools and motivation to make things happen! Now all you have to do is... sit down and... draw.......

I’m going to say something that may be a little controversial: 

Commissions aren’t fun. 

No, no, hear me out: I have fun doing commissions! I genuinely enjoy drawing characters and coming up with designs. But even with all that said, commissions are, first and foremost: WORK

I’m not saying this to discourage you, I’m saying this to keep things realistic. When I first began commissions, I thought it would be just like any other type of drawing. I would sit down, imagine a thing, draw it... it would be fun! 

But then I realized that I couldn’t just draw what I wanted - another person had an idea in mind and had asked me to do it. I stressed over getting the design correct from descriptions. I stressed over not having the right reference for the pose the commissioner wanted. I stressed over not being able to draw the leg right in the way I had promised I would do. I stressed about billing. I stressed about digital money transfers. It was difficult, and time-consuming, and I did not enjoy it. At all. 

And a part of that is definitely on the commissioner - we, as artists, NEED to demand proper references or descriptions. We, as artists, NEED to limit the amount of changes we’re going to make at the flick of a finger. We NEED to demand clear instructions and set boundaries. That’s also super important. 

But also - don’t be discouraged if you find yourself exhausted drawing your first commission. MANY artists go through this. Adjust your rules, fix up your limits, practice putting your foot down on finicky commissioners who expect you to read their mind! It does get easier, but you have to communicate and put in the effort and act as your own manager AND your own customer service AND your own accountant. That’s what you’re looking at. 

Good limits and boundaries to set: 

Limit the amount of changes a person can ask to make. “I want blue hair.” Next email: “No wait, yeah, make it red.” Next email: “Actually I changed my mind, can I get the blue but like, lighter?” Next email: “No, not that light.” ... At some point, we have to stop. I personally allow 2-3 changes on the final stages of a commission before I start refusing or start asking for extra money.

Demand clear instructions and/or references. If something isn’t described, you have to take artistic liberty and design it, but that’s difficult! And if the customer is not happy with it but can’t tell you more? That’s not your problem - the burden of reference is on THEM. You cannot read their mind, and that’s not your fault.

Get at least half the payment up front! This is a good balance between the ‘pay before art’ and the ‘pay after art’ conundrum that will limit the amount of woes between artist and customer. (I’ll touch upon this a little more in the Profit section.)

Organization:

Where possible, create good habits! Tag your emails and organize your folders. I have a tag on my emails for active and finished commissions. I also keep my emails on Unread until I have time to sit down and properly look at/reply to them.

My Commissions in the folder are also organized chronologically and I mark down which ones are paid and which ones are not.

(I understand not everyone can do this, but if you want to give it a try, it does make things easier in the long run. Again, this advice is just what I have found personally helps.)

One last thing - I do not want to shame ANYONE for taking their time with commissions! Commissions are complex, and they take time and work. You can draw in 8 hours, but some things take research, materials, etc. Some illustrations realistically take up to half a year, or, depending on what’s involved, several years!!

THAT BEING SAID - it’s good manners to be upfront with your customers about how long you expect the commission to take. If you think you’re busy, just say that! Explain that you have a lot going on, and you will probably take (insert time period here).

And if your commissioners are worried, work out a system to keep them updated! I send my commissioners updates when I finish the lineart/flat colors/etc and I try to be clear about how long everything will take. I try to estimate with a +3-5 days buffer to give myself extra time... and recently I’ve been using it. Always say a bigger number than you think you’ll need. 

If someone wants a rushed commission... make them pay more. If ANYONE wants a commission done ‘by the end of the week’ - that’s an automatic rush-job for me because I’m juggling an irl job and several commissions at once. I WILL charge a rush fee and I won’t feel bad about it. 

If someone wants a commission within 24 hours...... Well, they better be paying you 3x your normal amount, or more. And remember - you CAN refuse! It’s perfectly reasonable to say ‘No, sorry, that sort of turnaround time is not realistic for me.’

Food For Thought - Invoicing

Many artists I’ve commissioned in the past have not used Invoicing, but I’ve recently begun to fill out invoices and file them in my Commissions folder just to keep track of things. It’s not necessary until you start getting into the Small Business side of Freelancing, but it’s not a bad idea to get into the habit early in case you might need to do it later for tax purposes. 

Here’s what my Invoice looks like, for example. 

I’ve optimized it to help me remember who, what, and how much is involved! It also contains important info for my customers like where to send the money.

Which brings us to...

.

4) Profit

One of the hardest things for artists is pricing themselves. I’m not going to tell you which way is BEST - there is no BEST way, only the best way for YOU. 

One of the options available to you is pricing by the hour. It includes averaging out how long it takes you to draw a specific type of art (whatever you’re offering as a commission) and multiplying that by an hourly wage you’ve decided on.

When you do this, I stress - do NOT price yourself below minimum wage if you can help it. When you first start out, aim for the $15/hour mark and adjust accordingly. 

Other ways to price your art:

- Per complexity: Portraits vs full body should be scaled based on how difficult you find one vs. the other. You can also easily decide on a price for a sketch and double it for lineart, triple it for full color, etc.

- Per type: Look up for industry prices for website design and logo design. They may surprise you! You don’t have to charge that much, but it helps to keep things in perspective. 

It’s okay to change your prices! Keep your commission sheet image handy so you can update the amounts as you grow. :)

Payment up front or after completion?

Some artist take full payment up front. Some only demand payment after they’ve finished and sent out the piece. I personally think these are both risky for everyone involved. 

I recommend doing at least HALF of the payment BEFORE you start the commission. Calculate your full price and ask for half before you start working on it in earnest, to make sure the person can actually pay you. Then, when they receive the full piece and are satisfied, they can complete the payment. 

I personally work in this structure:

> Someone emails me with their idea/reference

> I send back a rough draft sketch that shows the idea/pose (only takes me 10-20 minutes so not a huge loss if they ghost) and quote them a price

> They can pay the full thing upfront OR pay half

> I finish the commission and send updates when I do the lineart/colors to double check anything so they have multiple chances to spot any errors

> If the person paid only half on completion, I send them a low-res version of the finished thing, they finish up their payment and THEN I send them the full-res version plus any other filetypes/CYMK proofs, etc. 

Many of the people who commission me pay me up front even though I offer they pay half - and I’m really flattered that they trust me that much! Because of that, I feel encouraged to update them frequently and ask for their input as I work, so they have the peace of mind knowing I’m actually doing their commission. 

Great, but how do I get PAID????

There are NUMEROUS ways - these days money is relatively easy to transfer over digital means, and you have a few options. 

Paypal is perhaps one of the oldest digital wallets and is geared towards businesses. By setting up a PayPal and connecting it to your debit card of bank account, you can tunnel a pathway from your online business directly into your hands in a matter of days. 

Paypal also offers Invoicing - you make an invoice, price it and send it to the person’s email and they can pay whatever way they need! (It also allows partial payments.)

Pros: transfers from PayPal to bank account are free, and take a couple of business days. It also has no upper limit to the amount of money you can move in/out each month. It can force refunds due to the nature of its business-oriented payment system.

Cons: Because it’s used by businesses for larger transactions, PayPal may demand a more rigorous proof of your identity. It may also take longer to set up and be harder to get used to. I’ve also heard that they can be a hassle when it comes to closing your account. 

Venmo is another type of digital wallet that acts much like paypal, except for a few key differences - it is NOT made for businesses (so depending on whether you’re officially registered as a freelancer, you may not be able to use it). I personally don’t use venmo, so I cannot speak to its usefulness, but I know a few people that use it for casual transactions. It’s easy and quick! :) 

Keep in mind that you cannot force a refund over venmo! The transactions are final.

There’s also CashApp, GooglePay (which could load gift cards but also allows peer-to-peer transactions) and I’ve heard good things about Due, though I’ve never personally used it.

Other ways to pay: I’ve had people pay me over Patreon by upping their pledge, and I’ve had people pay me over Ko-Fi by donating a specific amount. 

Many people even use Etsy - the website specialized for independent small businesses selling art - by listing their commission sheet and offering up several ‘slots’ of commissions, which allows you to track taxes AND allows your clients to pay using whatever they feel comfortable with.

If you’re in Canada, you can even pay by emailing money directly from bank account to bank account - check whether your country offers this type of service! There’s no shortage of ways to move money in the digital world.

Just like everything else, there’s no singular ‘Best’ way. It just depends on what works for you.

I think that just about wraps it up! I can’t quite think of what else to put here - but I’m sure other artists will chime in with their own advice. :) I’m very sorry this became so long but I hope it was helpful! 

Obligatory Disclaimer: I’m not qualified to give legal or accounting counsel. Please double-check the laws in your own country/state in regards to taxation of freelancing work and do your own research. If you are underage, DEFINITELY get an adult’s permission before you start doing commissions, and have the adult help you through the process.   

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

OTHER POSTS YOU MAY FIND USEFUL:

An Extended Post on Pricing Yourself for Commissions

Dealing with Imposter Syndrome/Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’

Growing Your Audience

Advice for Starting Digital Art

[nishiannoya]

ʜᴀɪᴋʏᴜᴜ!! ᴀs sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴛɪᴄ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀᴍᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ - ᴘᴀʀᴛ 2

ft. Nishinoya, Kuroo, Lev, Tendou

f!reader, drugs, language, alcohol, and more talk of drugs, mostly fluff and humor, reader gets a sunburn/tan in the tendou story (4.1k word count)

۞ four more short stories based on experiences that haunt me from how stupid i was in my irl boy crazy days. meeting noya at a music festival. attempting to study with kuroo. lev is an observant pervert. some summer beach fun with tendou. 

(part 1)

۞ Noya - Galaxies??

Your friend is pulling you through the crowd at a music festival, eager to get over to the next stage so you can find your group before it gets too packed. You, however, are barely tethered to the earth as the music from the current stage makes you want to dance, making it even more difficult for your poor friend to navigate the crowd. You've never candy-flipped before, and will probably never do it again given how out of control your body and mind feels, but right now you feel nothing but bliss as you prance by faces and flash smiles at intoxicated strangers. It's like all the molecules in your body are singing you praises, telling you that you are captivatingly divine and there's no choice but for you to accept that love.

And then it happens.

Like a movie.

The sound fades.

Slow motion.

You turn your head, hair whipping gently against your cheek as you feel something magnetic drawing your attention. A pair of playful brown eyes take in your face and you watch in real time how the pupils expand into black holes, drawing you in with their inescapable gravity.

You take in his face. Cute. Different from what you would consider your type. Shorter too. But he's also kind of perfect. Dark, wild hair with a small bleached patch at the front. And something about him. Oh lord. That thing you search for in every man you come across. Boy-ish mischief and a heart of gold. Your eyes have only just met, but you know. You know.

It's uncontrollable. Your lips mirror his as you simultaneously break out into huge grins, and you feel your face shining just as brightly as his. When did you slip out of your friend's grip? You don't even notice because you're stepping closer to him, reaching out to grab the back of his neck with your fingertips and caress his cheeks with your thumbs. His hands find your waist comfortably. They seem nonthreatening and familiar in their placement.

"Hi," you say, because you're not too sure what else you can say while you soak in how nice it feels to be close to him. It seems right yet strange, like making a new friend and greeting an old one at the same time.

"Hi," he says back, his smile somehow growing even bigger and his eyes never leaving yours.

Do I know you? Have we met before? It's good to see you. It's nice to meet you. I think I've been waiting for you.

The words are lost in your mouth, but he leans in to press his forehead against yours, noses nearly touching. Something dormant activates in your brain. A blinding light fades to blackness as you feel like you're falling into your own body, but you're not alone. He's next to you as you watch a light show playing on the backdrop that is the silhouettes of your bodies scaled up to be a projection screen. You've been here before, but always by yourself and never realized you could let someone in like that. You stand still, comfortable just drifting within yourselves for all too short of a time.

Oh.

You're suddenly pulled back into your regular body as a hand on your should tugs you away. Your friend is calling your name, but you're still fixated on the familiar stranger as you break apart from him, fingertips slipping as if you know there's no holding on.

That's right. Not this time either.

Like two galaxies destined to collide. Dancing around each other in ellipses, arms just brushing past one another for millenia until they devour one another. You smile at him, knowing you don't really have a choice but to say goodbye again. You gently wave your hand and he smiles back and waves too.

Until we meet again in the next one.

۞ Kuroo - Sandpaper??

"Ew."

You're studying in one of your university's private study rooms, trying to balance a chemistry equation on the board with the only other person from your group still willing to study past midnight. Kuroo is tall, handsome, and messes with you in a way that makes you look forward to it. You'd be lying if you said you didn't have a big ol' stupid crush on him, although right now he's got some terrible stubble coming through on his jawline.

"You need to shave," you tease as you reach over and rub your thumb on his chin. Flirting is second nature with you two. Everyone hates the fact that you're not dating because you act so much like a couple that it's a disgrace to friendship. But it's always just kind of been a game that neither one of you want to call over, thinking the first one to make an actual move loses and it's done.

It's always been playful, so that's why you're shocked when he quickly grabs your wrist, spins you around, and pins you against the whiteboard with one leg pressed between your knees. He grins down at you smugly, not saying a word as he leans he face close to yours.

This is it, you think. This is where I teased him too much and now our game is over.

You close your eyes, face feeling warm as he pushes your wrists even harder above your head, erasing part of the work you just did. You expect to feel his lips on yours, but a shiver runs up your legs when you suddenly feel his cheek pressed flush against yours. Before you can voice your confusion, he starts nodding his head up and down furiously, rubbing his stubbly jaw and chin all over your face!

"Kuroo!" You yell between fits of giggles. He presses even more into you as he switches to the other side of your face. It feels like very shitty sandpaper, tickling your skin more than scratching it. You're gasping with laughter as you beg him to stop, but he only moves from your cheek down to your neck. You hope nobody walks by and kicks you guys out of the room for goofing off, but you can hardly contain your cries as he attacks your sensitive neck.

Just as you're becoming more and more aware of his breath on your skin, he pulls back and admires how irritated your skin is at his doing.

"Nope, not shaving," he says with a shit-eating smirk that pisses you off as much as it makes you wish he'd just smash his lips into yours already. But he lets you go and grabs his notebook and just leaves the room like he didn't just assault you with his pathetic beard, leaving you to wonder what the fuck just happened.

۞ Lev - Matching??

"Come on y/n! We're gonna be late!" Your roommate yells through your door as you're looking for a clean bra in your closet with a pounding headache from staying out at the bars until 3am. The only one you find is a shitty shitty rose colored satin one that you hate, but you sigh as you throw it on and a black crop top over it before you rush out the door.

It's an assembly for all extracurricular activities, apparently the partying at your university has gotten out of control once again and now everyone gets to be mass lectured on a Saturday morning. You sleepily apply some cherry chapstick to your lips as you sit with your club members, and the rest of the bleachers in the basketball gymnasium fill up.

"Hey! Y/n-chan!" You look behind you and smile at the familiar faces.

"Morisuke-kun, Lev-kun!" You say as you greet your friend on the men's volleyball team and his freshman friend that you met a few times before.

"This sucks. 80% of the people in here are hungover and still reek of alcohol," Yaku gripes.

"I totally saw you at the bar last night. You were singing to the girl at the pizza window," you jab and he just scratches the back of his head and looks away.

"What about you, Lev-kun? Did you and the other volleyball boys go out?" You ask as you turn around more to look at him. His beautiful green eyes blink at you for a moment before he registers that you're talking to him. He's pretty cute, but you like to stick to your guideline of only playing around with guys in your year.

"Oh, I stayed in last night," he says with a blush. "But my friends on the soccer team are having a party tonight! Are you going?"

You think about it for a moment, house parties not being your thing so much anymore now that you could go out in the town. However you do remember checking your bank account this morning and feeling a sinking feeling when you realized how much you spent last night.

"I might swing by if the roomies are down for it," you say and his little smile makes your heart flutter more than you want to admit.

You hear the assembly start as the whole gym echoes with a microphone screech, causing a collective groan amongst you and your hungover peers. You turn back around in your seat and tie your hair up to combat the oncoming hot flash you know is coming as your stomach gurgles unpleasantly. As the speaker's voice starts to grate on everyone's eardrums, you drop your head into your hands, feeling your shitty shitty bra strap fall off your shoulder. You grumpily reach into your shirt and snap it back further up to prevent it from falling again, unaware of the eyes behind you that are glued to your actions.

The assembly drones on past the 90 minutes that was promised. Blah blah blah your future employer is gonna see those pictures of you at an ABC party and never hire you blah blah blah here's a free uber code. You didn't even realize you were practically half asleep until your roommate's shaking your shoulder telling you it's time to go.

"See you tonight y/n-senpai!" Lev says to you as he and Yaku wave you off. Your roommate gives you a look that you roll your eyes at despite thinking the tall boy is cute.

You nap most of the day and make a pathetic attempt at studying for all but 30 minutes. When nighttime rolls around, you realize that you forgot to do laundry during the day and are stuck with the same shitty shitty bra from before to wear under your tank top. Your roommate convinced you earlier that the soccer house was the right call, because in her words, if you're not going to climb that Russian beanpole, she will.

When you arrive at the party, you immediately remember why you hate house parties as you see two lacrosse players beating each other up on the front lawn with a circle of cell phones getting it all on snapchat. It's only 10:30pm. You scowl at the juvenile behavior and make your way around to find anyone else you may know or maybe the keg. You find a non-crowded area on the back porch where you could reach into your pocket to apply some more cherry chapstick as you look around at the people.

"y/n-senpai!" You turn your attention at your name and see Lev hilariously draped all over Yaku, who's struggling to hold up his lanky friend with his short body.

You giggle as he pushes himself off Yaku and stumbles his way over to you and puts his arm around your shoulders for support once he reaches you, though you probably offer even less stability. You instinctively wrap an arm around his waist and grab onto his wrist with your other hand to help him stand better.

"I can't believe you're here!" He slurs excitedly and you can't help but to giggle at the cute flush across his cheeks and nose as he flashes all his teeth at you.

"Lev's super drunk already," Yaku sighs as he walks up to you two and Lev playfully waves his hand in front of his face as if to say that he's not.

"I can see that," you say as the tall boy starts to sway against you.

"He's been very excited to see you," Yaku teases, to which both you and Lev tense up a little bit. Lev reaches out with his arm that isn't around you and pats Yaku on the head with a large hand, and you can almost see the shorter man's anger meter rise and fall.

"I need more to drink if I'm gonna deal with you," Yaku grumbles as he lifts Lev's hand off his head and shuffles off to go find his stash of liquor, leaving you responsible for Lev's ability to stay upright.

"Senpai," you hear Lev mutter and you realize that he's playing with your fingers at his waist. He leans on you some more and looks down at you with green eyes shining and sincere. Your face feels warm under his gaze that keeps dropping to your lips. Definitely endearing how obvious he's being, especially when compared to guys who like to play games.

"Um," he stutters and you can see he's turning even more red. Fearing that he might have drank too too much, you urge him to sit. You find a somewhat damp wooden bench, but it'll do as you carefully sit down and guide Lev down with you.

"You're wearing it," he mumbles, still leaning against you, but his eyes are closed. "The bra from earlier today...matches your lips...same color..."

You whip your head at him, eyes going wide, and feeling your entire body chill at his words. His eyes are still closed, but a satisfied smile sits on his lips.

"Couldn't stop thinking about it all day..."

You stare at him incredulously, not knowing how to respond, or if he's complimenting you or being a total pervert. You look down at your shoulder and sure enough the shitty shitty bra strap had fallen down again. You consciously pull it back up and then touch your lips with your fingertips, wondering if all boys noticed things like that, or if Lev is just particularly observant.

"There you are! Someone called the cops because of the fighting! We gotta go now," your roommate demands as soon as she spots you. You stand up and realize that Lev is passed the fuck out completely. Thankfully Yaku finds you and says he'll take care of him. You worry for a moment, but it seems like he has a lot of experience in dragging around the larger boy's body as he hustles out the back gate quicker than everyone else.

You and your roommate make it home safely and you immediately hole yourself in your room, ripping your bra off and throwing it your bed while wiping the cherry chapstick off with the back of your hand. You groan into your pillow once you flop onto your bed as you try not to think too deeply about Lev's weird comment. You spot the bra as you turn your head to the side and think maybe you won't throw it away.

Maybe I'll save it and give it to Lev-kun after I graduate, you snicker to yourself before falling asleep.

۞ Satori - Love Bug??

To be honest, you came out for Semi when he texted you that he was going to the beach with his teammates. But he and the other guys were deep into a game of volleyball, and while it was nice to respectfully look at the toned bodies glistening under the summer sun, you were left pretty bored guarding everyone's towels and holding down the spot.

"Found you!"

You look up from the book you're pretending to be into despite having to reread the last paragraph three times as your brain keeps floating off. You smile at the newcomer, one of Semi's teammates that you’ve briefly met a few times at parties.

Tendou Satori is all lean muscle, oddly cute, and is the type to always keeps the conversation going from what you've noticed of him, but you never really talked with him one-on-one. He unrolls his towel and you're surprised when he lays down right next you instead of joining the rest of the guys in their volleyball game.

"Whatcha reading?" He asks as he leans towards you to look at your book. His shoulder touches yours for just a second and you feel like a little girl from how giddy it makes you feel.

"It's about the connection between ayahuasca and DNA and what we can learn from Amazonian medicine," you say with a smile, hoping that it doesn't sound to weird or pretentious.

To your delight, his face lights up and he starts to tells you some psychedelic stories of when he forced Shirabu to take acid with him at Disneyworld that have you laughing in stitches. You're telling him your mushroom journeys when you realize that you hardly know him, but he's so fun and easy to talk to when you're usually quiet around people you don't know well. Something about his smile and playful red eyes makes you feel excited and at ease simultaneously.

You both decide to cool off in the ocean for a little bit, though you suddenly sink down to your chin after you walk past the shoreline ledge. Tendou kindly offers to let you hold onto his shoulder since he can still touch the bottom, which you gladly accept after 30 seconds of treading water. You two chat energetically about cartoons and comics, your face right next to his as you rest your chin on his shoulder from behind. You're careful not to let your body press up against his, though you'd be lying if you said you weren't thinking about wrapping your legs around his waist and holding onto him that way. Still, you get a nice close up view of how cute he looks with his bright red hair slicked back with saltwater that makes you pretty much forget about Semi playing volleyball on shore.

As you two decide to get out of the water, you keep talking about the shitty treatment of female characters in anime. Even though you don't care if he cares, you'll rant about it to anyone who'll listen, you're pleasantly surprised when he agrees with you and goes off on his own tangent about it. A fond smile plasters itself to your face as you listen to him with dreamy eyes, finding yourself thinking that he's kinda perfect.

When you get back to your towels, you start to reapply your sunscreen as you feel the intense summer sun scorching your shoulders. You offer some to Tendou and say you'll get his back if he gets yours. You know you're flirting with him, and you do feel a little guilty when another guy invited you here, but it's not like you're spoken for.

He happily accepts the opportunity to rub some lotion on you. You blather on about your travels and dreams to live on an island, which distracts you from paying too close attention to the way his fingers tickle across your skin. When he's done, you tell him to lie on his stomach so you can swing your legs over his lower back and find a seat on his tailbone. Your position is suggestive, especially in your blue bikini that's a little cheekier than the others in your drawer, but you're not the type to see something you want and not plant the seeds for getting it.

You listen to him talk about the places he wants to visit as you squeeze a generous amount of sunscreen in your hands. He's got a few cute freckles on his shoulder blades that you take note of as your palms work their way across his back. It shouldn't take you so long to apply the lotion, but you keep applying more making up the excuse that you're just looking out for his pale skin. You chat about music and concerts as you trace little hearts around the freckles through the excess sunscreen, enjoying the warmth swimming under your skin from the summer amplifying whatever this new feeling is.

You eventually remove yourself from his back, plopping down on your stomach next to him and resting your head in your arms. You peer over your arm at him and meet his eyes doing the same, the sun feeling particularly hot on your face. He pokes your elbow with his which makes you smile and scoot just a little closer to him. Your faces are so close as you lazily ask him to tell you more about doing drugs at theme parks. He's talks animatedly of tales of brownies gone wrong at Six Flags, and when they forced Goshiki to go drinking around the world at Epcot and almost threw up on Snow White.

You're not sure how much longer you laid there just telling each other dumb things. Eventually you notice a shadow blocking out the sun on your face as you hear Semi's voice say your name and says they're leaving. He asks you for a ride home and shoots Tendou a look that has you worried for a moment about what you might have started. You agree to give him a ride and gather up your things to go along with everyone else.

Tendou's car is parked one space over from yours with a big creeper van between. You wave goodbye to him as Ushijima and Reon load their things into his wagon, making sure to give him a shy lingering smile before opening your door.

Semi's already in your passenger seat while you work on brushing the sand off your legs. That's when some voices catch your attention.

"Trying to hit it with y/n? You know Semi's got a thing for her," you hear Reon say on the other side of the van.

"It's not like they're dating," Tendou's voice sounds slightly annoyed. "And I'm not trying to hit it. If anything, I think I might have gotten bitten by the love bug."

You bite your cheek to not make a sound as you quickly scramble into your car. You let out a breath and take another deep one to try and quell your spike in heartbeat. Semi asks if you're okay, you try to fight the heat creeping into your face as you tell him yes, and turn up the radio so you don't have to talk as much on the ride to drop him off. A lot of girls like him, understandably with his good looks, nice demeanor, and many talents. You sigh as you think any other girl would just go for it.

An image of Tendou's playful red eyes comes to mind and you feel more drawn to his wildness. Even though you spent just a few hours talking to him, you know that there was some kind of connection there. Still, you chat with Semi for just a little bit before you reach his place. He does at least apologize for leaving you alone after inviting you, but you say it's fine because talking to Tendou was fun, to which he just kind of grumbles.

When you get home from dropping off Semi, you immediately go to take a shower. The day replays in your head as you scrub away the salt and sand. Remembering Tendou's "love bug" comment makes you squeal like a little girl that echoes off the tiles of your shower. A stupid smile won't rid itself from your face, but you don't really care.

You hum to yourself as you step out of the shower and check your phone. You're surprised to see an instagram notification saying you've been tagged in something. When you open it up, you nearly drop your phone. Your face burns bright red at Tendou's shirtless selfie, tongue sticking out and his back on display in the mirror behind him and the little hearts you drew in the sunscreen earlier glowing bright red against his skin. Marked by the hottest of the summer 🔥 it reads underneath.

You practically melt to your bathroom floor and giggle to yourself in sheer giddiness. You keep looking at the photo, only able to take short glances or else you feel like your heart might explode and blood will gush from your ears. The DMs are coming in from your friends, but you ignore them as you wrack your brain for what to say to him.

Slowly you emerge from your position on the floor, and that's when you catch it. You spin your back to the mirror fully and feel yourself getting overwhelmed when you see the faint palm-sized heart on your shoulder with three little lines coming out of each side - a love bug burned into your skin.

ADULT CONTENT BLOG - Minors / Ageless & Blank Blogs are allowed to like and comment on this post, but please refrain from reblogging, and ABSOLUTELY DO NOT FOLLOW OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

[antiochean]

hey! another rika and vanderwood enjoyer :-D! i love the semi-realistic way you draw MM characters (which is to say is an art style that is rarely ever seen in this fandom, unfortunately)! may i ask what are your thoughts on the other MM characters and/or their respective routes--or, instead, if that's alright w/ you, could you share more of your CMC Jake Park? so far, i'm interested in Bleeding Paint and I can't wait to see more of it :-)!

Anon I am kicking my legs around in my bed hugging my pillow like a schoolgirl bc this is the first ask I've gotten in this sideblog and it is literally so sweet and I'm so excited to have gotten it

Because of that you will have to endure me discussing every single topic you brought up in great detail

1. So glad to hear from another Rika and Vanderwood enjoyer. I get pretty self-conscious about liking Rika because of all the negativity, but the truth is that she's a major comfort character for me. When I realized what she meant with all of her talk about darkness after therapy one night I cried for hours LMAO it was a major milestone in my mental health journey.

And that event is actually what made me start writing bleeding paint, AND this is the part where I tell you that if you like Rika and Vanderwood, the good news is that they're the two love interests in the fic. But the bad news is that Rika and Jake's relationship is Extremely toxic. Radioactive. But the good news again is that with Vanderwood, it's the opposite.

2. Thank you for complimenting my art style :)) If my different background means I'm bringing something new to the table, then I'm ecstatic to provide.

3. My opinions on the other characters are!! Difficult to word, because until a couple months ago I hadn't played since Ray's route came out, and this year I've only replayed another story and Seven's route. I'll try my best to give you a summary, though.

Zen and Yoosung: my B plot KINGS. Where would I be without you. Adorable brotherly dynamic. A much needed wholesome break from all the angst. I would die for you.

Jaehee: her role as the Straight Man is executed extraordinarily, in my opinion, because of how often she's just tired. It's so realistic and it makes you feel for her so much. But when she's something else instead of tired, she absolutely slays, it really sticks out. AND I would like to say I think the way her voice changes when she starts fangirling about musicals is ADORABLE. I've been in love with this woman since I was 17.

Jumin: I HAVE THE MOST CONFLICTING FEELINGS ABT HIM OUT OF ANYONE ELSE. Okay stay with me for this one but I'm a hardcore anarco-communist. Which means there are multiple points in the game where, if he were in front of me, I would grab him by the neck and shake him like in that Simpsons bit. Shut up about the free market shut up about the free market. He's so privileged and his lack of empathy means he only alienates himself further and further. So on one side I feel extreme frustration and anger towards him. Then on the other, the emotional maturity of this character is unparalleled. He is, like, completely actualized. On top of Maslow's entire shit. While in Another Story, some of his dialogue has been having me awestruck. I think that IRL, Jumin and I would have the kind of dynamic where we would be able to talk until 3 AM and not realize it. So yeah man I don't know. He's on both sides of the love and hate spectrum for me at the same time.

707: what can I tell you about my bestest boy in the whole world? I would not change a thing about him. He can have my entire house and life and hand in marriage.

V: in my opinion. Okay look. God. I don't have any strong *feelings* about V. But I have very strong opinions.

If you asked me to list any other characters who display the level of emotional complexity his guy has going on, I'd have very few examples.

But the execution of the concept falls short for me.

How many days does the game have in total? Think about it: He's the MOST STUBBORN FRUSTRATING MAN TO DEAL WITH IN THE WHOLE WORLD for ALL but 3 of them, the 3 days at the end of his route. He's a goddamn broken record. Furthermore, his route is so focused on the backstory MC wasn't there for, that it forgets to tell you why you two should feel a bond at all.

It's hard for me to suspend my disbelief and look past all that to enjoy the potential he had.

Saeran: SE Saeran is one of my faves :)) he's not my type in his route, but his portrayal of mental illness matters a lot to me. I have talked to my therapist about Saeran.

4: IT'S JAKE TIME - GET ABSOLUTELY SILLY

Where can I start with Jake William Park. Well first off, he's a bitch. Second off, he had his bisexual awakening in a sasunaru forum post at age 12. Third off. See that picture? He has a septum gauge and, while shitfaced one night, put a silly straw in it. He then couldn't get it out, had a panic attack, and ended up in the hospital.

He was born in Canada. When he was 8, his parents got divorced and his dad moved back to Korea while he stayed. Now he's in Korea as an exchange student for his senior undergrad year.

He's a literature major. He's Extremely pretentious about art. He has a cat named Rodya (nicknamed Rascalnikov). He dabbles in writing horror, but is mainly aiming at becoming a professor.

His superiority complex is his most annoying flaw. He thinks he's so smart and his taste is the only correct one and he's a different grade of human being from most people. He can be mean about it (he bullies Yoosung).

The meanness ties into another flaw of his, which is that he thinks showing emotion is a weakness.

His first version was much goofier and careless and dressed a little bit differently. In Another Story, he becomes what I've come to refer to as Traumajake. The kidnapping and cult stuff really gets to him, he's almost killed or cleansed. And he decides that, if Rika wants a boytoy, then he will be the perfect boytoy until he can get out alive. He pretends to develop Stockholm syndrome - but he's not every worried about it, because he's FAR too smart to develop it for real. Right? Hilarity ensues.

By the time he's rescued, half of him doesn't even want to be. For the rest of the fic, he struggles to find a balance between emotion and reason.

There's a lot I'm leaving out, but this is already far too long and I doubt anyone will read it LMAO

5. I appreciate you mentioning Bleeding Paint a lot!! I have no evidence anyone ever read it and sometimes it makes me embarassed to keep posting sjdaskdjkjds but if just one person has given it their time of day, that's good enough for me :))

Tysm for the ask.

[bunny--ships]

Hypernova Fruit, Invisibility Stone, Invincibility Candy (Part 1) and Heart-Star (Part 2) for Sabo? <3 (Selfship Asks - Kirby Items)

THANK U CATH <3

kirby items self-ship game

Hypernova Fruit: What’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to each other?

i've already answered this here, but i don't wanna skip questions! so while it wasn't necessarily to me;

there was a moment where sabo sat down in front of ace's memorial to catch him up on everything that's happened lately. it isn't until the wind nearly blows his hat off that he realizes he's been rambling way too much about the birkan on luffy's crew he's grown fond of, and he laughs. "yeah, yeah, i get it. i'll shut up about her. you'd like her though. i want to bring her here one day."

Invisibility Stone: How often are you and your F/O apart from each other?

most of our time is spent apart just due to the fact that we're from. ENTIRELY different affiliations lmao. i like running on stampede logic though and like to think that there is enough downtime between arcs that sabo is able to be around the crew and hang out with luffy and jackel when he can. he drives koala absolutely up the wall cus sometimes he just decides to visit the thousand sunny completely on a whim and she just has no idea where she went and has to constantly cover for him to dragon BGNJADGNDJA

Invincibility Candy: Time for some humor. Tell me of a funny moment y’all had.

DGBNFDSIAJGNDFASM in my au where jackel went with robin to baltigo during the timeskip, sabo found jackel for the first time while she was asleep on a chair. and he just walked over and got all up in her face to stare at her because he's never seen a sky person up-close before. and he gets curious and just starts touching jackel's ears and it wakes her up and she just bodyslams him thinking she was under fucking attack

Heart-Star: What made you fall for your F/O, and what made YOU fall for YOUR F/O?

as jackel, there was no pinpointed moment. they just sort of fell gradually over time. i'd say the biggest aspect of him that magnetized them to him is just how much they seem to understand each other. their childhoods were rough in extremely similar ways, and they were able to lean on each other in that regard during their late night conversations whenever one of them was feeling particularly vulnerable.

as for irl? um.

it was acab at first sight idk what to tell you

[0ffgun]

(1) Hi ollie! I don't know if this is too much of a personal thing to ask but I've seen you talk about your bf a lot on here and it seems our situation is similar. I met my partner online just before lockdown happened and we haven't met yet but we're planning on meeting up soon and I'm really excited but also really scared because I don't know what to expect and I'm scared I'll be a disappointment. I was just kinda wondering if you could share your story of when you met your boy irl?

(2) Sorry if it's a really weird thing to ask for I just want to get an idea of the experience and you seem really happy so obviously everything worked out well so it'd be nice to get a positive point of view rather than looking at all the negative stories about meeting people online. Anyway if you're uncomfortable feel free to ignore this! Thanks

Hi there anon!! Don’t worry this isn’t uncomfortable for me at all - I’m happy to talk about it! (please excuse how gay this is going to get though, once I start talking about him I really struggle to stop dsgjkls) I’ll put this under a read more because it’s probably gonna get really long because I haven’t learned to shut up ever.

Alright so first of all (and this is the most important thing EVER) make sure you’re safe. No doubt you trust your person a lot if you’re planning on meeting up with them but even so, make sure the first time you meet is in a public place and that there is always the option of leaving if there are any weird vibes. PLEASE be safe. 

And okay so before me and Ryan met up in person we’d talk on the phone for around 4 hours every night (we still do it now, we can’t sleep if we don’t talk to each other for a couple of hours first, even if it’s literally just him listening to me playing video games and making weird noises every time I die dfjgkdfl) so we were already really familiar with each other. If you haven’t done it already, I definitely recommend talking to your partner over the phone too, it gives you a MUCH better idea of their personality rather than just typing to each other all the time, and it really brings you closer too! 

Our plans to meet up just kinda poppped up out of nowhere? Like we’d vaguely talked about it and then one day poof! we were suddenly desperate to meet up. Ryan lives with his parents and luckily they were totally on-board with the idea, I’d only been thinking of going over just for the one day but then his mum was like “why doesn’t he just come on the monday and go home on the friday?” and me and Sunshine LOST it jdskgjklds we were like FIVE DAYS IS SO MUCH??? And then once we had a date in mind we were just counting down and our phone calls got more and more frantic. We’d be up until 4am just talking about what it’s going to be like and getting more and more nervous. I had this really strong fear that we’d meet up and he’d realise he doesn’t like me as much as he thought he did? So you saying you’re scared of being a disappointment REALLY hits home, I feel that so much. 

I remember the night before we met up we were literally just laying in the dark on the phone making these weird panicked squeaky noises at each other. And then it was finally THE DAY. He lives 2 hours away from me by train and honestly I was fine for the whole journey until I got onto the last train and realised it would only be 15 minutes before I see him for real and I basically lost my mind lmao.

 It’s funny, really? I’d already seen pictures of him and talked to him literally every day but then the moment I saw him at the station I really wasn’t prepared for how truly gorgeous he is? I knew I liked him but then the moment we smiled at each other and said hi and just started giggling like IDIOTS I realised how intense my feelings for him really are and I became a whole wreck. 

I wouldn’t say it was awkward at first more like it was just.. clumsy? We already knew each other on such an intimate level and yet we didn’t know how to interact in person. The first hour or so was us kind of internally flailing around and me saying “oh my god” randomly every 2 minutes and him laughing at me because of it jksgjlds. We had a bit of a walk from the train station back to his place (which was where I’d be meeting his parents too so of course I was a mess over THAT as well) and we were just walking side by side casually and in my head the whole time I was like??? HOW?? DO I HOLD HIS HAND?? Do I just grab it? Do I ask if I can?? And my brain straight-up malfunctioned and I just yelled “OKAY!” and THREW my hand out in front of him and he did the cutest laugh and then interlaced our fingers and oh god I’m never going to forget that moment e v e r. 

Meeting his parents went so well I LOVE them (me and his mum are besties now I adore her) and idk things just went SO smoothly it was more than I could have ever asked for. And then his mum was like “okay go and put Oli’s stuff away etc etc” so that we could have some alone time (she’s smooth and I appreciate that) and then we ended up just watching a bunch of kpop videos while sitting together on the floor and I’d play with his hair (he has the best softest most top quality hair) and it was just so s o f t. Our first kiss was gorgeous too like it just happened spontaneously and then we both just had a whole gay panic and just sat there giggling with our foreheads pressed together for a good five minutes oh god. Honestly, I’ve been in relationships before but everything with Sunshine is like a whole new experience and it feels like I’m doing everything for the first time. I’m like a lovestruck teenager and it’s the best, and I can’t see that changing either, I think I’m always going to be this ridiculous. Literally every time he looks at me my heart does backflips and I get butterflies. I’ve found my forever boy through a random anonymous message on the internet and isn’t that just amazing?

Oh my god I wrote more than I thought I would I’m so s o r r y I really can’t shut up about him it’s ridiculous dsjgkjsd but yeah anon seriously I really hope things go well when you finally get to meet your person - please let me know how it goes!!! Don’t just focus on the things that make you nervous, make sure you also focus on the things that make you excited too! I know that people get squinty when you say you met someone online but honestly when you know, you know and at the end of the day it’s your decision. Just always do make sure that you’re safe and never do anything you don’t want to do.

[emeraldtawny]

Wow I have to say that I adore you and your blog as always... It's been solid months but to find that you're still here and writing for otome games honestly makes me very happy. also it's hilarious to find that our taste in faves still seem to be really similar lmao. I love your thoughts on Dazai!!! Because that's honestly something I've been thinking about myself since the moment I started playing Ikevamp hahaha. I love how interested and knowledgable you are concerning the IRL people (1/?)

Jsjsxjksksbdms AAAAAA ANON!!! It’s always so encouraging when my dumb ramblings get a response like this. I have the biggest smile on my face right now, thank you so much hdbdkndjs. And may I say...TASTE ANON, TASTE!! Excellent choice in 2D men, she says with incredible bias bdjdndk. You are very right in your assumption of Satan being my fave OM boi...I love him ;w;

Aaaaa idk what to say to this other than jdjdkxhjdnfkejxkdnckdmjs????? I just really like finding parallels between IRL and fiction when a character is based off of a person who actually existed in our world. And the fact that at least one other person likes listening to me yelling about usually very depressing IRL lives just because I’m curious of how accurate the company wrote their fictional counterpart is...very humbling. Gives me them warm fuzzies uwu.

And anon, I feel you on the whole “leaving him until last” part. Gotta keep ramping up that angst every time and make us cry ;w; makes me super nervous for Sebas’ eventual route, like how on earth are they gonna make him sad? They have complete free reign to destroy us jfndjdnkd. And yes to the recommend route order type deal. That’s why I like games like these that slowly open up routes and make it very distinguishable of the order they want you to play it in. But with Dazai especially, all we’ve gotten so far is crumbs, and we’ll continue to only get tiny morsels until a bit later. Was it on purpose for his elusive character? Did Cybird genuinely forget he existed until they dropped his route? Who knows hfnkdjdkdkd.

I honestly have no idea of the “rival” for Dazai. Since there’s now new characters (Vlad, Charles Henri Sanson and Johann Georg Faust), it could be one of them (many MANY hints pointing to Charles on this front). I don’t want to hold out hope for any rival in particular otherwise I’ll get too sweeped up into it, but GOD if it was Sakunosuke or ofc Chuuya for those who knew BSD before IkeVamp lmao. That being said, I won’t know until I play his route...and I don’t plan on playing it until English release. so imma sit here simmering on my theories and my angst for like 2 years hdndkdkd.

I think I’ve rambled enough now. Thank you for enabling me to scream into the void, lovely anon. Thank you for your continued support, silent or otherwise (though I love being screamed at, I must admit hfjdndkdk). Hope you have a lovely day~

[jamaisjoons]

(1/7) I'm sorry this is going to be super long, so if you actually answer this I'll be so thankful lol... idk how much experience you have in relationships and sexuality and whatnot but I just really need to ask someone about this and you seem super friendly and nice so I wanted to ask you, and if anyone else reading this ask wants to give me advice I'd love and appreciate that as well - I'll keep an eye on the comments 💜 So I've been in a relationship for over 5 years now. I want to preface

this ask is incredibly long and if therefore the rest, along with my response, is under the read more!

(2/7) this with saying that I'm not unhappy with my relationship overall. And I honestly do prioritize emotional connection over physical, but this is something that's been on my mind recently, especially since I started getting into reading fanfics and learning more about how diverse and explorative someone can be with sexuality. My current boyfriend was my first serious relationship so I never experienced anyone else sexually. And I know stories romanticize, dramatize, and exaggerate things

(3/7) so I don't expect that I should be able to experience my sex life exactly as its portrayed in the fictions I read. I've been generally content with my sex life with my boyfriend, while maybe not fully satisfied but content. But lately its been bothering me. I've always had a higher drive than him so I don't mind needing to... take care of myself most days and just have sex whenever he's up for it. (Although he gets whiny if I'm not up for it the day he is, which I guess is partly fair

(4/7) since there's only like 2 days a month I'm not horny lol). And I do tend to take quite a bit longer to uh... well, cum, than he does as well so I've never really taken any offense to him not trying super hard to get me there. Lately it has been bothering me though... he does give effort to it most of the time but gives up because he has trouble getting the right spots and/or it takes a long time (and yeah I chalk that up to female anatomy being more complicated than male so while it is

(5/7) disappointing, I excuse it because of that) But it bothers me because I feel like I try to push myself more to figure out what he likes and try different things out of my comfort zone more than he does for me. (i.e. I've recently started trying to get used to anal even though so far its painful and I haven't found pleasure in it yet because it's something he's always wanted to do). He also loves blow jobs and always wants one - kind of expects it and gets disappointed if I tell him I don't

(6/7) want to that day and sometimes (most of the time) tries to push it, even though I don't push him if he doesn't want to go down on me. I've more or less given up on trying to cum when we have sex, just kind of settled on enjoying it for a while and helping him and then finishing myself off after. I'll sometimes ask him to help afterwards, and he'll help with some stimulation like nipple play and stuff for a bit, but if he's already gotten his release I feel like he treats it like a chore.

(7/7) It's just been bothering me more and more lately. I'm worried about talking to him about it because idk if I'm just being needy or if he'll be offended or upset. And I don't really know how to fix it anyway so idk how to bring it up or any solutions to offer but since its been bothering me more I don't want to just leave it as it is. Do you have any advice for me? Also I'm SO SORRY for the novel and going probably too detailed into my sex life... I hope this wasn't bothersome or annoying!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

i’m gonna preface this with im not a professional and any advice i give is based on my own feelings and thoughts and based on experiences of my own and they won’t be the same as yours! please take caution reading/heeding any of my advice because really i’m not any different to you and i have no real qualifications for giving out sexual advice.

so honestly speaking, i have a fear of commitment and trust issues and as a result i don’t very often partake in committed relationships (i’ve been willingly and happily single for YEARS) - and my previous ones weren’t all that good either (my last two ended with cheating rip). but i’m happy to help in any way possible and it means a lot that you feel like you can speak to me about this!

Okay so, my first point is that sex is honestly diverse and yes its always mindblowing in fics, but in reality its not always the case. sometimes sex is bland, sometimes its really good, and sometimes you don’t really enjoy yourself (not in a bad or nonconsensual way, but more it doesn’t leave you as fulfilled as it could and it just feels,,,, meh for a lack of better word for it). that being said, considering you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and it’s your first and (i assume only? sexual partner) i can potentially see why its just been a case of contentment and not real fulfilment - especially, since it seems you haven’t really been communicating and taking each other’s feelings into consideration? well him more so than you.

Side point, he really shouldn’t be whining if you don’t want to have sex but as long as he’s not pressuring you into anything its fine - people tend to whine (i know i do sometimes too)

Okay so in terms of cumming, not everyone takes the same amount of time to cum. some really need lots of stimulation and stuff in order to really cum and others cum really quickly. its an individual thing - but you definitely seem like the former. That being said, just because you take longer to cum and the female anatomy is more complex (really its not t H A T hard) doesn’t mean he should give up - you work hard for him to make him cum and he should do the same for you. especially since you’ve been together for so long.

A lot of this seems that you’re actively trying more than he is (you’re not obligated to give him oral, especially if he doesn’t reciprocate and he definitely shouldn’t push it). In terms of anal, the human body is different from person to person and not everyone is wired the same. just because someone else enjoys anal doesn’t mean you will, and if it’s painful and you’re not enjoying it, perhaps it’s best to tell him to stop because you get nothing out of it. if he loves you, he’ll make the sacrifice even if he enjoys it (like you’ve been doing for him this entire time). If he’s cummed and he’s not actively wanting to make you cum - you need to call him out on it because it's not fair for him to orgasm and for you to work for it yourself. it’s downright selfish and bad sexual practices and more than anything its not okay and its not a healthy sex life.

I think my best advice right now is to actually talk and communicate with him. A good, healthy sexual relationship that satisfies both parties, can only and will only ever be possible through open communication. you’ve been together five years and you’ve said you’re happy with your relationship overall - which means that you’ve known each other long enough to openly communicate with each other about your likes/dislikes/things you want to try/how they can help. Thats the blanket one, but here are some things you can talk to him about:

In terms of making you cum - you know your body better than anyone else, so perhaps showing him what places are your erogenous zones may be an effective way. If you feel comfortable, sit in front of him and masturbate - show him what gets you off. Sometimes even have him participate - direct his hands to where you want him, tell him when something feels good, when something doesn’t feel so good. but communicate

Tell him that you always try for him and it’s upsetting and makes you feel unsatisfied when he doesn’t put in the same enthusiasm. in sexual relationships, there is compromise and sometimes you do things you don’t necessarily enjoy just as an act of love and care (one of my irls hated giving her boyfriend blowjobs but she used to do it because he enjoyed them and that's okay because she was willing to do it out of love. there were also things he compromised for her like how he never enjoyed wearing condoms because it didn’t feel as good but she didn’t want to go on birth control so he accepted it). There are clearly things you are willing to compromise on (anal) and so he should be doing the same for you

You’re both different people and have different sexual interests and what feels good for you. You should both put in effort to explore these together. Have an actual conversation with him - and if he doesn’t take your feelings, if he starts getting upset or offended, then that speaks more for him. but if he loves you, if he’s a good partner and boyfriend, he will actively listen to you and your feelings and try and understand them. without communication sex and relationships are nothing and you cannot be afraid to speak to him or not speak to him for fear of him reacting negatively.

also if he does reactively, maybe it’s worth considering if this relationship is worth going on with. sometimes people stay with each other because it’s all they know, because they’ve been together for a long time and they fear starting fresh. but that is not healthy. if something isn’t working, no matter how much time and effort you’ve put into it, it’s not worth staying and being unhappy and the best thing you can do is gather the courage to get up, leave and move on and find happiness somewhere else.

i think ? i’ve got most of my points across, but if there’s anything you need clarification on, please do feel free to message me again! but please remember my earlier disclaimer: i am in no way shape or form a professional and i have no qualifications in order to give you advice. these are just my thoughts/opinions/how i see things!!

anyway, i hope this helped! i’m so sorry it took so long to get back to you!

[movetothesuburbs]

@magneticghouls first of all... My ask box was apparently turned off so it's good to know I'm an idiot. Secondly thank you for asking

Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer. I love this so from the depths of my heart. The concept of it was like that first idea rcg had for the show. Nothing will ever be as relatable to me as Dennis trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible. "You can talk to me any time" ... "Oh you meant now?" Fucking incredible.

Season 2: The Gang Exploits a Miracle. I'm gonna be honest s2 is my least fave season. The episodes are all pretty good. They just don't grip me as much. They are bastards to the best degree in this episode though. I've never been Catholic but I'm obsessed with the rituals and imagery. "Am I gay for God?" (Real talk I made a dream daddy meme to that) I love Charlie in all white and Mac in all black.

Season 3: The Gang Gets Whacked. Everything about this 2 parter is funny to me. (Except when I get sad abt Dennis) But! Pussy Hands. Peter Nincompoop. Jackie said she counted that Mac and Frank slap Dennis 13 times in a row and I love that. I think cocaine is funny. I think ruining Crucket's life further is funny. I think watching this ep after binging 5 episodes of the Sopranos is extra funny.

Season 4: It was very nearly Mac's Banging the Waitress but I am a sucker for a musical and a basic bitch so you know it's The Nightman Cometh. It was one of the first eps I ever saw. My best friend showed it to me then immediately showed me a live recording. I get Dayman stuck in my head often. I love Charlie. Also "I'm eating because I'm uncomfortable" Cat eyes Mac makes heart eyes Jack.

Season 5: Mac and Dennis Break Up. This was the first episode I ever saw. My bff was like "watch this they're gay" and by God were they. I think about the line "Far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing" every goddamn day.

Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant? Admittedly I'm very soft for Dee Gives Birth, but I'm hella gay for Jimmi Simpson and Halloween. Also I love the reactions to if Mac had been the one. I am a sucker for characters telling conflicting accounts of the same event. I think Dennis looked hot as Luigi and think he could have worked that without a Mario just fine, he just wanted a couples costume with Mac. I will not encourage incest shippers, but Dennis thinking he might have gotten Dee pregnant is the funniest gd thing.

Season 7: The High School Reunion. I love far Mac with all my heart and if I saw that man at a high school reunion I do not care what rep he had in high school I would be on that. Also irl I had a crush on the high school drug dealer so what are standards? I love Dee immediately jumping on being the nastiest meanest bitch ever. I love the dance at the end. I think Tim and Dennis made out in high school. I'm gay for Jason Sudeikis so seeing Schmitty show up was beautiful. Cricket..... Was there. My only regret is that I already knew Mac's legal name is Ronald McDonald so I did not get to experience that reveal as a fresh concept.

Season 8: The Gang Dines Out. Did you ever know that you're my hero? I love endings where the gang appreciates Dee. Episodes that take place in one set are always great. The Waiter is great. Frank and Charlie havin' an anniversary 💙 Dennis did not have to give that speech in front of a crowd. He was going to tell Mac all those things just to his face. But he needed that whole restaurant to know who the real hero is. Dennis Reynolds said fuck the troops. I still don't know what a Groupon is. Also that table being so close to the kitchen door probably violates OSHA guidelines but thay's not a part of why I like the episode, just an observation.

Season 9: The Gang Saves the Day. I love seeing characters just imagine fantasy scenarios. Dee's is inspirational but should have been gayer. Mac is... Stupid but I love him with my whole heart and I support him imagining Dennis crying over his corpse. All hail our mighty and buff Lord. Love Dennis saying he'd rather die than have a broken dick. I love that Charlie's is animated. He is so small. There are two genders: janitor or waitress. The most relatable is Frank tho. You eat those hotdogs bitch

Season 10: The Gang Goes on Family Fight. I'm a slut for Argyle sweater vests and Dennis having a mental breakdown. Also Charlie being one of the survey takers was priceless.

Season 11: It should come as no surprise that my favorite of this season (and the series as a whole) is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs. I love every single moment of this episode. I love the breakdown of their sanity. Rage fuels me. People think Dennis is a psychopath but who in this episode is feeding their roommate a dead dog? Not Dennis. What would be different if Dennis was the house husband? You know Wally just wanted to be nice to the gay couple that moved next door but they acted Like That. I'd love to make a longer post just about this episode. Some guy in fb was like "the seasons sucked after sesson 8" and everyone was like "okay but suburbs in season 11 tho" and they guy was like "okay u right" Suburbs is the episode that brings the gays and straights together and will bring us world peace

Season 12: This wss hard cuz I think this is my favorite season overall. And I'm gonna be real controversial here and let you know my fave ep is Dennis' Double Life. I love the concept. I love the convoluted scheme. I would die for Mandy. I know there's a lot with real life stuff happening and how it affected things after but I wanna appreciate it as is. Sometimes you juat have so many big feelings that you run away to North Dakota to be a dad I guess. "I'm the lover obviously" "I have a good plan but you wouldn't listen to it anyway" Did I mention I love Mandy? Maybe it's that I grew up in the Midwest but I understand her on such a deep level. I love this episode so much.

Season 13: The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem. Every time I go into a bathroom I just think "animal shithouse" nonbinary/genderfluid Charlie rights. Hawaiin shirts. I also love Jimmy Buffett. I love they all sing the wrong song. "As a straight man" in the least convincing way. This episode speaks to me on all levels.

[lliaq]

tw in case anyone reads this: drug use, anxiety + panic attacks, emetophobia, ptsd, depression, suicidal ideation also it's long as fuck don't even know why I'm doing this here, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I need to put my thoughts down somewhere

about 8 years ago I had a really strange experience while I was high. I'm pretty sure it was just weed, but honestly idk, bc it was a very intense experience for just weed. Could have been a really psychoactive strain I guess, but my bf at the time, who I got the drugs from, was also into psychedelics, so who knows. At the time this happened I was in a city I'd never been to before looking for my sister who was sort of missing, and with people I'd only met that day (aside from my bf), so setting etc not exactly ideal. We'd met 2 of them while looking for a place to sleep. They were a couple, backpacking and just passing through on their way to Peru. They mentioned that they were couchsurfing with this random dude, who after some talking offered his place to us as well. On the way to his place we stopped at a bar because there was a football(soccer) game on and they wanted to watch. I don't care about sports, so I stayed outside and people watched and decided to get high.

Once the weed kicked in, I started to feel kind of unwell. A bit nauseous and just kind of weird, so I went into this like side alley in case I had to throw up or something. and this is where it gets really hard to put into words what happened. the thing is this wasn't a hallucination, I didn't see or hear anything, it was more like a feeling but also like how in a dream you just know things, even if they don't line up with reality. e.g. I had a dream once that was set in the house I was living in at the time, except it didn't actually look like it did IRL, but I still just knew that it was my house. Like that.

so the best way I can put it (which still feels inadequate) is that I "felt" like a portal had opened in the alley and pure negative energy was coming out of it. literally bad vibes lol. but it actually, genuinely scared the crap out of me, like I was fucking terrified like never before in my life. So I booked it back to the main street where I met back up with the others and we kinda just continued on our way. My memory is a little fuzzy from here on, but I do remember that I didn't want any guys near me (repressed lesbian joke here), and also I felt like my soul was leaving my body. Like it was being pulled up and out of me through the top of my head. Also bless the backpacker girl, bc despite barely knowing me she stuck by my side the entire time and was really encouraging and supportive (at one point I thought I couldn't walk anymore bc my soul wasn't in my feet anymore(?) and she was just like "no no you're okay, you're fine, your soul is fine, just put one foot in front of the other, you got this"). Anyways, we got to the guy's place, I just kinda sat down in the hallway bc I didn't want to move anymore and zoned out. Thought I was communicating with angels or something, idk. That's the last thing I remember. Woke up on the mattress we were given the next day.

So fast forward a couple of days to when me and my bf got back home. This is when I first started experiencing anxiety. Back then, it was for the most part only triggered by the smell of weed (unfortunate bc my bf was a heavy smoker), but it wasn't super intense. Like from a scale of 1 (barely noticable) to 10 (panic attack) it was maybe a 3-4, a 6 at worst. It mostly made me feel nauseous, and emotionally anxious, not really any other typical anxiety symptoms.

bla bla bla relationship went to shit, we broke up, time passes etc. etc. and then a little over a year later my anxiety went from a 4 to a 12 overnight and stayed at a 12 for 3 months straight. I have absolutely no idea why this happened, I don't recall anything happening that day or the days before that might have caused it. But it was also seven fucking years ago, so idk.

Those were probably the worst 3 months of my life. My anxiety was dialed up to 12 literally 24/7 and suddenly centered around throwing up. It never let up for a even a second. I had multiple panic attacks every day, I was terrified of eating, I couldn't sleep (every time I went to bed and I was about to fall asleep I'd get this like panic/adrenaline surge that shocked me back awake and this could go on for hours). I still have my journal entries from that time, and reading through them now it feels almost obsessive. Just the same thing over and over again, the only thing I could think about was this extreme fear of throwing up. It completely consumed me. I tried yoga, meditation, CBD, all with very little success. In fact, I developed a thing that I guess is called relaxation-induced anxiety, altough I don't think I've ever found any credible medical research on this. Point is, the physical sensation of relaxing made me fucking insta panic. It still does to this day.

The thing that "saved" me, ironically, was being depressed and suicidal. The anixety got so bad that I couldn't take it anymore, like I wanted to die just for it to end. I fell into one of the worst depressive episodes I've ever had. It was the closest I've ever been to actually killing myself, and I've been depressed and suicidal more than once throughout my life. But it also...numbed the anxiety. It was still there, but it was bearable (barely). Honestly, I think in a weird way going into this episode might have been my brain's way of protecting me, which I know sounds kind of counterproductive when you take the suicidality into account. But like, what else was it supposed to do? idk. I did eventually get through the depression without harming myself in any way, and after that my anxiety settled back into a new status quo. It wasn't as bad as it had been in those 3 months, but it was still bad. In the following years I tried all kinds of stuff, self-help books, apps, different meditation techniques, exposure, and most recently therapy. And the thing is...nothing has made any substantial difference at all. The fear still rules my life and it has continually shrunk my world. It has me in fucking choke hold. I eventually found the word emetophobia and some reassurance in emeto reddits and discords, knowing that there are other people with this fear, but even with them, I can't fully relate. From everything I read in those, as well as the little medical research available, emetophobia seems to typically develop a) early on in life, and b) after a traumatic experience directly related to throwing up. Neither of those apply to me. Maybe I'm just a statistical outlier, idk.

And this brings me to ..... 2020? 2021? idk it's still 2019 in my head. Sometime in the last two years, I was watching Dr. K's stream (he's a psychiatrist that does educational content on youtube and twitch). He was talking to someone with anxiety. Notably, this person also had developed anxiety after a bad experience with drugs. And listening to him describe his experience was just like...this dude is inside my fucking brain. I had never related to someone talking about anxiety that way before. Not even with emetophobes. And Dr. K floated the idea of PTSD, instead of an anxiety disorder. Now, obviously he can't (and doesn't) diagnose people on stream, he just offered it as a possibilty for the guy to explore. And that possibility stayed somewhere in the back of my mind. Just a little whisper of "hm. interesting." (there was also a decent talk about what can be traumatizing, especially in the context of what is "real", re: drugs, and altered states of mind, it was an interesting discussion)

Which brings me to the fucking weewoo show of all things. Eddie Diaz my beloved <3 Truly though, seeing his story unfoled this past half-season got those gears in my brain moving again. There he is, having anxiety and panic attacks over seemingly unrelated things, and at the core of it is trauma.

I've also been reading The Body Keeps The Score, and I'm not finished w/ it yet, but so far I've been really intrigued by the way it describes trauma and the effects it has on people. Being "stuck" inside the trauma, unable to move forward, etc. It resonates a lot more with me than anything to do with anxiety.

Now I've been looking at the ICD criteria for PTSD again (that's what we use here) and A. Exposure to a stressful event or situation (either short or long lasting) of exceptionally threatening or catastrophic nature, which is likely to cause pervasive distress in almost anyone. B. Persistent remembering or “reliving” the stressor by intrusive flash backs, vivid memories, recurring dreams, or by experiencing distress when exposed to circumstances resembling or associated with the stressor. C. Actual or preferred avoidance of circumstances resembling or associated with the stressor (not present before exposure to the stressor) D. Either (1) or (2):

1) Inability to recall, either partially or completely, some important aspects of the period of exposure to the stressor

2) Persistent symptoms of increased psychological sensitivity and arousal (not present before exposure to the stressor) shown by any two of the following: difficulty in falling or staying asleep; irritability or outbursts of anger; difficulty in concentrating; hyper-vigilance; exaggerated startle response

I check pretty much all of the boxes for C and D (and some other things associated with trauma that aren't listed under these specific diagnostic criteria) . A I've been going back and forth on whether or not you can be traumatized by something that didn't "really" happen, despite your brain not being able to tell the difference between real and not real in an altered state. I think there's mixed opinions on that.

But B is the one that I always looked at and went "oh, I don't get that, so I guess it can't be PTSD". Except the last few days I've been thinking about this again and I've been wondering...what exactly would I be re-experiencing? I don't even know what the fuck I experienced. Like I said earlier, there was no hallucination, nothing perceived by the senses that I could relive. It was literally just a feeling. And putting it like that feels incredibly stupid. Like, what? I got traumatized by a fucking feeling? That's dumb. I feel like it's hard to explain to people who haven't had a similar experience how real that shit can feel and how badly it can fuck you up. It was "just" a feeling, but it was also so much more than that. I truly do not have to words for it in any language to properly describe it. And I think that's kind of the thing. It was such an abstract and hard to define experience that I think my mind just straight up didn't know what to do with it. Just fucking blue screen. Literally ???????

So, and this is just a theory, I think it kind of "projected" or put up a front. It looked around and went "I'm fucking terrified but I don't know of what because I don't know what the fuck that was, but uh... nausea? I can work with that. That's more tangible, that's real. Congrats, you have emetophobia now". At the same time, I think nausea is kind of a trigger, because it reminds me of that moment, and possibly why I'm almost more afraid of feeling nauseous than actually throwing up. (experiencing distress when exposed to circumstances resembling or associated with the stressor. haha) Even a lot of my avoidance and safety behaviors are more about preventing feeling nauseous. And I actually think this easily could have been anything else. Like if someone else had been there, or if a car drove by, or a dog barked. Pretty sure my mind just went for the "nearest" tangible thing it could transfer this feeling of terror onto. Which unfortunately happened to be my body. Thanks dude :| not like I'm literally stuck in this thing or anything The only "evidence" (using that term very loosely) I have for this theory is a very interesting and fascinating experience I had with meditation last year. I did a guided meditation from an app that was specifically for letting go of bad memorie, and I went with that moment, in that alley. And it was the strangest fucking thing. My anxiety didn't go away, it didn't even really become less, but it completely changed. I would feel anxious, but that constant loop of "oh my god what if I'm gonna throw up" was just gone. Fucking poofed. It changed physically too. After the meditation I would just sweat a fuck ton when I was anxious. Nothing at all related to nausea, throwing up, or any other stomach/GI issues. Completely different physical reponse. I did also become kind of jumpy and like I had a very strong dislike for people walking past behind me. Not sure what that was about. And then after like 3 days that "effect" disappeared and it went back to how it was before.

I haven't done that meditation since, and I'm not sure why. On one hand, that definitely gave me a sense of "hey I might be onto something here". On the other, I think I'm a little scared of trying it again. Because it either doesn't have the same effect and then it was a weird meaningless one time anomaly, or it DOES have the same effect and that, to me, basically confirms that that moment is central to the issues I'm struggling with and that means I need to work through it somehow and I don't know how to do that BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

All of which is to say that over the last two days I've come to realize that the only thing for me to relive from that moment would be an indescribable, hard to define, soul-deep, abstract sense of terror. And I have been re-experiencing that feeling every single day for the last 7-8 years. It doesn't fit into any of the anxiety disorder boxes. I truly don't know if it fits into a PTSD box. It kind of fits into the emeto box, but also not really. projection etc. But after many many years of reading up on different disorders, plenty of introspectiong and self-reflection, and fruitless attempts at treating an anxiety disorder/phobia, I'm really wondering if I've been going about this all wrong. And if the reason nothing has worked is because nothing I've tried (except for that one meditation, which funnily is the only thing that did have a noticable, albeit temporary, effect) has really adressed the core issue.

And if so, I don't really know what to do with that. I've tried explaining this to therapists/doctors and they just..don't seem to understand what I'm saying? I don't know if that's because I'm bad at explaining it or because they don't have experience w/ that stuff, but it's been really frustrating. I've been seeing my current therapist for almost a year now and nothing has really changed in regards to my anxiety.

So I guess I'm once again the point where I'm like "hey cool I think figured something out...........now what"

I've done a little bit googling, not a proper deep dive yet, but superficial cursory research hasn't been really helpful. Like the results were mostly either about a) Drug induced psychosis b) psychedelics as a treatment for PTSD, or c) links between trauma and addiction. very little on trauma caused by drug experiences

I wonder if EMDR would work for this?

well that was a whole bunch of word vomit. not sure what to do with any this, so I guess I'll just leave it as is, and maybe I'll come back to it in a few weeks with some new insight. maybe I'm completely wrong about all of this. if only we had blood tests for mental illnesses lol life would be so much simpler.

[pluck-my-life]

Hey Snark! Silenda (loverofthebirbs) here. I was wondering why exactly do you like to ship Red x Chuck x Bomb together? I know why you like the polyship itself, but why the separate ships on their own? (Red x Chuck, Red x Bomb, and Chuck x Bomb?) You got me to kinda see some appeal in Red x Stella even if I've never liked it, so I wanted to know because you give good reasons! c:

Oh hey @loverofthebirbs nice to see you! My brain self-awakened at 6 am and is now bubbling with activity, so buckle up for a ride! *stretches hands preparing to type a lot*

First of all, it’s inclusivity. I don’t want to imagine a couple snuggling on the couch while there’s a “third wheel” on the other side of it, lonely and awkward and maybe a little bitter seeing all the affection and feeling excluded. And among the three only Red understands from the get-go how PDA can be painful for the onlooker, and what would he do if he’s the one in the relationship? He’d have to persuade his partner to cuddle in private, but! the other two are insanely physical and can’t resist touching him even as friends, and in a relationship? They’d have a hand on him all the freaking time unless he explicitly states he needs to be alone. Now Bomb can exist outside a relationship just being happy for his friends, because he’s got great empathy and maaaybe he could be ace, but that leaves us with your least favorite ship? And I absolutely can’t imagine Red or Chuck being the third wheel, unless Red is totally ace and satisfied with just having friends. I can see ace!Red + Chuck/Bomb, with an effort, because I connect with him the most and I’m not ace, but then the whole thing feel kinda bland. Sweet but bland, like a cookie without filling or icing. Movie!Bomb can’t fully satisfy Chuck in a relationship, he would be left at home while Chuck goes clubbing and picking up someone for the night, and he would sigh about not being cool enough to share Chuck’s adventures (while understanding that you can’t put restrictions on him, freedom is crucial for his happiness) and Red would feel obliged to cuddle with him to make him feel better, but if Chuck sees them like that he’d want to be in that fluff pile, and that would still turn into awkward polyamory, however more dysfunctional than my usual sort. And you can’t have Red/Bomb while leaving Chuck out, you just can’t, not with his obvious crush on Red. Bomb himself would try to talk Red into giving him a chance, because Bomb can’t stand seeing his friends suffer. Chuck’s attraction to Red is the key factor here, he’d want in on any relationship Red is having, whether it’s with Bomb or Stella or both. I can ship all four, connected via Red, and as far as I remember I’ve told you in messages how Red couldn’t deal with his roommates all the time, he’d need a breather and someone he can trust, to be able to fall apart in someone’s arms (and Bomb hasn’t reached the emotional maturity yet, he can maybe nod at Red’s complaints and hug him, but Stella could actually understand, maybe even share his burden of being a self-sufficient bird with needy partners while her own friends are perfectly able to entertain themselves). Red and Stella are both leader types, but Red is introvert or at least ambivert, and these types are said to get “adopted” by extroverts (such as Stella or Chuck). I must say I’m projecting a lot here, but isn’t it the whole point of shipping? to have at least some imaginary relationships when you can’t have it irl for one reason or another? When I was in a social phase and had relationships I wasn’t in any fandoms, I didn’t even draw anything. The whole fandom thing is my substitute for love life, and tbh it’s more reliable and satisfying than 1) trying to meet people, 2) talk to them enough to decide if they’re worth meeting, 3) find out you’re not attracted to them but they kind of are, because I’m the picky side here, and the whole thing turns awkward. And this is how I find friends through Tinder, even when I’m looking for a hookup. And then I’m likely to find a therapist for them via my own therapist, because the only people I resonate with are kinda messed up. In the Bird Village it’s the other way around, Red finds mates through group therapy, but the result is the same: misfits sticking together. And here we get to another reason I’m polyshipping through the character connect to: I can’t really love myself, even on a mentally healthy day I struggle to find myself attractive - but loving a character while simultaneously connecting with him almost takes me there. And here comes the best part: I connect with other characters in my ships as well (I don’t usually ship people I can’t relate to) and then I get to feel for both parts, even for three parts on a good day, and this fills my huge emotional capacity almost to the brim while my mind is involved too, imagining stuff and supporting the connections - unlike in a real relationship, when my brain gets bored and wanders over fantasies or trivial matters even during intimate moments. I’ve never thought of it that way, but it seems like I’m polyamorous because of my neurodivergency. No person I’ve ever had experience with had a personality as multifaceted as mine, ergo I can’t be satisfied with just one person emotionally (not even talking about sex - without emotional involvement it’s plain boring). Just like another character mentioned here, though for a different reason: if I’m a very big computer, and Chuck is a very fast computer, the result is technically the same: the calculations are done quickly and we’re left idle, understimulated. I don’t fully understand my connection with Chuck, or rather I can’t pinpoint it, because… let’s just try to list it. I’m anarchist, Chaotic Good, I love to entertain people with jokes and dorky behavior when I’m in a social mood (especially when drunk), I can be very active and enthusiastic when I have the energy… A lot of my qualities that I don’t even notice because they’re so natural would remind people of Chuck rather than Red, and isn’t that ironic in light of me not initially liking the “sexy and annoying” type? Or maybe it’s just my second-hand embarrassment getting in the way of just laughing at their antics? Most of the time I lack Chuck’s confidence, especially that finding-yourself-attractive brand of confidence, but with some effort I could adopt that quality and it could make me a better-functioning person. Now if I could adopt Bomb’s ability for unconditional love I could become that fusion phoenix we’ve been talking about, maybe even a complete person… but that wouldn’t happen without gaining some femininity from Stella’s flock - good thing it comes mixed in with mischief and badassery, which make it far more palatable than the annoying “tomboy turning into a prom queen” trope that needs to get thrown in a volcano. I’m carefully exploring a straight ship through the most capable character, borrowing some of her confidence to support my weak, underdeveloped female side. I would feel fairly comfortable as Dahlia too, except it makes me self-conscious about boring people out of their minds while being bossy - not the most attractive archetype, though I’m not familiar with her enough to see her good side (gotta rewatch the Stella toons, this time with a more analytical mindset)… Gale is the one I’m most wary of: I have that selfish bitchy side to me that I prefer to keep far away from the front parts of my personality, because I’m madly scared of her - can’t let her take reins of my self-criticism… or maybe I need to befriend her first? Except that’d take a lot of work I’m not yet ready for. I could do with Poppy’s carefree attitude and Willow’s love for the process of art, not the result I can show off in the internet to earn a little bit of attention - I think those qualities can go hand in hand. Less self-consciousness, more enjoyment, and if I can’t feel encouraged and supported whether others provide it or not, maybe I should achieve that through the powers of my imagination. My brain could be a whole world of its own if I wasn’t constrained by depression, anxiety, fear of rejection… things that sound familiar, and they do play a part in connecting me to characters. If I didn’t have them I’d be out in the real world, doing… I don’t know what exactly, if making art is one of my coping mechanisms?.. Crafting, I guess? Eh, my train of thought took a wrong turn… Here is another post about my connection to characters, if you haven’t seen it.

Why are you mentioning separate ships? They all happen in the same headcanon-universe, more or less. Polyamory isn’t always threesomes, and interpersonal relationships all have their own dynamics. Two can entertain themselves while the third one is busy or not in the mood. A fourth can spice up the picture once in a while, with or without intimacy. Pairings mix in my brain like colors and flavors, add a mood and it’s a different picture every time. I’ve drawn frisky Red x Chuck and passionate too, in my drafts there are unfinished comic panels for a fluffy first time and a quirky first time (that would be AUs from each other but whatever, how exactly their intimate life starts out doesn’t matter in the long run) as well as some scenes implying that Chuck has been annoying Red to get the rough treatment for a change (more on sexual dynamics here). Some of my scenarios involve Bomb walking in on the pair and they insist that he should join, even if he’s embarrassed, because it’s definitely better for his psyche than trying to go back to whatever he was doing before he heard the noise and went to investigate. He worries and even explodes when the two upset him by bickering with each other (in the comics), how would he know the noises weren’t arguing and fighting if he’s so socially inexperienced? Again, that makes Red x Bomb first time a separate AU, but those are just scenes their eventual life doesn’t depend on, I draw them to convey moods and emotions rather than to mark an event in the birds’ life. Maybe it’s not Bomb’s first time per se, maybe it’s his first time trying to be active rather than being pleasured by his mates, and he still needs tons of encouragement because he must be so insecure about, well… everything about his appearance! He’s not a conventionally attractive bird, there’s no way he hasn’t been teased a lot growing up, even if he was home-schooled (very likely due to his condition). You’ve mentioned Chuck giving him confidence about his ability by being impressed, same way Red could make him feel attractive (Red far more likely than Chuck, ‘cos the latter is a bit of a thrill-seeker, more attracted to a snarky bird with a temper, while Red would seek solace and relaxation after dealing with the needy, sometimes insensitive little annoyance that is Chuck). Bomb is a good empathetic listener, something both of them need, but Chuck can forget whatever bothers him and move on, while Red would dwell on it until he works things out on his own or Bomb asks what’s bothering him. He might not help to resolve the issue but he can comfort Red without too much talking, platonically or intimately or both, because that’s how moods work in harmonious relationships: people can cry after sex, or cry into their lover’s shoulder until they’ve dealt with that feeling and then get horny, or they could get overcome with feelings right in the process - crying is emotional unloading, and sex is… well, you see the parallel. Watching a movie we cry during emotional climaxes. Now I’ll leave these metaphors for potential fics and conclude that Red x Bomb is the emotional aspect of the trio’s dynamics, Red x Chuck is more sexual, and understanding Chuck x Bomb requires me to further my connection to both. I haven’t incorporated Stella in their dynamics, and she may not want to have relationships with all three anyway, but this is fine in polyamory too. It’s all about balance and satisfying everyone’s needs, not the geometry of connections. 

[bisexualpirateheart]

Okay, so, weird question, feel free to ignore this! But I've been trying to figure out if I'm lesbian or bisexual for a long time, and I don't know anyone who's bisexual to compare my experiences to, so I thought I'd try and ask you, if that's something you're comfortable with: how do you know for sure that you're attracted to men, too? Like, possible tmi, I really enjoy a lot of m/m fic with blowjob scenes, etc, and I think about men often when I'm fantasizing -- I think mostly just because 1/2

2/2 I have a submission kink and I like the idea of penetration that’s also directly physically stimulating for the person doing the penetrating, but maybe that’s my brain making excuses? (Also quite probably internalized sexism, which I’m embarrassed about.) And I feel like Toby Stephens is really attractive, but on the other hand pictures of naked men like the Tom gifset you posted do absolutely nothing for me. I tried once, with a guy, and I just kept like petting his equipment literally 2/3

3/3 but then didn’t want to do any more than that. But maybe that’s just because I didn’t like him all that much? Anyway I realise this is such a weird tmi inappropriate question to ask. I don’t have anybody irl to ask and I’m embarrassed not to have figured this stuff out in my early thirties. I think I’m a lesbian, but like, maybe I’m fooling myself? A real lesbian wouldn’t fantasize about men? How did you know you were really attracted to them and not just imagining it?

Okay so my response got pretty lengthy so I am putting it behind a cut. 

Tldr: there is no wrong way for you to identify and only you get to decide what works for you.

For starters, it’snever too late to figure stuff out, Anon! Just because you’re in your thirtiesand still figuring this out, doesn’t make that any less true. If there’s onething I’ve learned as I get older, there’s always more stuff to figure out. It’show life goes, which is unfortunate in some ways (it would be easier if we had everythingalready figured out obviously) and all right in others. I was in mymid-twenties when I realized I was bisexual and while on the one hand, I wouldhave liked to have figured that out sooner, it would have been hell at thatpoint in time, where I was in life. Mostly the realization just made sense, anda lot of things fell into place and just clicked in my brain.

Also I’ve dealt withkinda the same thing as you, but in reverse. Am I not really bisexual because Igrew up thinking I was straight, attracted solely to men, etc. How do I know ifI’m really attracted to women or do I just think they’re pretty and I’mpretending that admiration is more? I haven’t kissed as many women as I’vekissed men and so forth, am I just faking this?

I unpacked it when Irealized that I felt the same about Sarah Connor that I did about DeanWinchester. I found them attractive I wanted to be like them, I wanted to do them. While that doesn’t work for everyone (especially in real life, obviously) butit did help me put my feelings into perspective.

Attraction is weird,it’s fickle, it often doesn’t happen when we think it should. You can be on adate with the nicest person and not be attracted to them. You can’t forcesomething like that. Sometimes it comes along after awhile, sometimes it neverdoes. I’m not attracted to every man I see, just as I’m not attracted to everywoman I see.

If you’re notattracted to men you see on a daily basis, irl, on the street, etc, that isokay! If you’re attracted to actors sometimes, that is also okay! I think aboutthis a lot actually because it can be easier to allow an attraction to an actordevelop because you don’t have to deal with the pressure/nerves of getting toknow someone in person, and plus they’re just *there*. They play roles youlike, characters you’re interested in, it’s easy to allow attraction to grow inthat space because it’s a safe environment to let it happen.

Regardingcelebrities/actors/musicians, all of that taste and attraction is entirely subjective.Nobody is attractive to everyone. I know that when people are like ‘oh man,This Guy is just the hottest’ and you’re like ‘…..I see where you’re coming from,but he just doesn’t do it for me.’ That can make you feel like you don’t fitin, you don’t understand other people, and so forth.  That is okay. I know it feels false, but itis! Just because other people find someone attractive doesn’t mean you’restrange for not doing so. The things that appeal to us, that make up the thingsthat form attraction are just random.

Also, Only You Get ToDecide If You’re A Real Lesbian. That is a thing that you are in control of. Doyou like the identity of lesbian? Does it feel the most natural? Has it feltright until someone told you were a fake for thinking about men? Do you want tocontinue identifying as a lesbian or does bisexual truly seem a more applicableterm? Do you feel like you’re betraying lesbians if you do decide you’re bi?You’re not, by the way. Sexuality is far more fluid than people like to thinkand as we get older, we come to know ourselves better. You are not betrayingone side if you decide something else fits you better now. You get to decidewhat label works for you. No one else gets to say you’re not a real lesbianbecause you enjoy fantasizing about men from time to time, if that label feelscomfortable for you. That’s not how it works.

On the subject of dicks,it’s not weird or wrong to consider or discuss the differences between whethera guy’s doing the penetrating or a woman and what that’s like/how it feels forthat partner. (Women can get physical pleasure from being the partner penetrating btw. Possibly you might be interested in pegging?) Also dicks are a lot of fun in fantasies and fiction and often muchmore frustrating in real life. It’s not wrong to not be into them (but it could be that that particular guy justwasn’t the one for you. It doesn’t mean you have to keep touching dicks untilyou find one that interests you. It also doesn’t mean you can’t touch anotherdick if you feel like it. With the dick owner’s consent, obviously. I do notadvocate just going around touching dicks at will. People frown on that.) Alsowe all have internalized sexism, because unfortunately that shit is ingrainedin us when we’re young, which sucks, but as long as we’re aware of it and dealwith it, things do get easier on that front. (Also obviously not all men havedicks, not all women have vaginas, that’s not how we define gender etc butanyway.)

When it comes down to figuringout if you’re genuinely attracted to men, I guess, think about the men you havebeen attracted to and find attractive (smiles at Toby Stephens), the men whoshow up in your fantasies. Think about what it is that makes that appealing. Isit a fictional aspect? Is it that particular character in a show? Is it reallygood hair? The curve of their jaw? A good sense of humor? The way they smile? Thereare no wrong answers and like I said, attraction is a strange fickle thing. Whenyou find something in particular like that, that works for you, how does itmake you feel? Good? Aroused? Interested to see what would happen if you twowere in a room together? This is literally different for every person you willmeet in your life or see on a screen, but for me my stomach gets a littletight, like I’m nervous, but it’s not bad, it’s more just edge of the precipiceexcited, like if the person stands close to you and all you can think is ‘youare standing so close to me, and your shirt is unbuttoned and I can see yourthroat and chest and I recognize you are saying words, but you are standing soclose to me.’ THINGS LIKE THAT. (Again, this is different for everyone, butrecognizing your own responses, how does your body react, etc, that’s all partof recognizing attraction.)

Also the first chart on this post here helps break down different kinds of attraction for what it’s worth and maybe that’ll be helpful for you too.

There is no cleardivided line in bisexuality unfortunately. It’s not like half of you is interested in men,half of you is interested in women. It’s more shifting percentages I’ve found.I started out thinking ‘oh yeah, I’m definitely like 95% straight but there isa 5% that is interested in girls.’ And that 5% shifted to 10% and more, andmore and slowly I was like ‘welllllllllllll…..here we are.’ A lot of days Ifeel I’m at a 60/40 range, mostly because I know how to identify my attractionto a dude more immediately than to a woman. (Is she just nice? She’s pretty butis she pretty in I want to kiss her or I just want to look at her??? How do Iknow for sure? And sometimes it’s one and sometimes it’s the other.)

What it really comesdown to, you get to decide what works for you. Basically, if you want toidentify as bisexual, you can do that. If you want to identify as a lesbian,you can also do that. The latter doesn’t mean you have to stop fantasizingabout men, and the former doesn’t mean you have to engage in sexual activities withmen irl you’re not really that interested in. There is nothing wrong with beinga lesbian who has fantasies about men, or bisexual who doesn’t want to touch themajority of dicks out there.

I know this isn’t areal definitive answer to your question, and I’m sorry about that. I wish Icould give you one. I wish I could make this all easier and tomorrow you wouldn’thave to wake up thinking ‘oh god, which one is right?’

There is no right one.There is only you and how you feel about things and what works for you.

But I want you to know that I think you’re greatjust as you are, and I hope you have a lovely life with people you enjoy. Allthe best

[jikook-love]

1 I love all jm ships they all have diff vibes & I've been watching min//joon & I feel like that's what a "normal" hyung/dongsaeng relationship should look like. Obviously mjn aren't as close as kmn but this whole older guy finding his dongsaeng cute & being like a big bro is totally mjn, kmn talk about being bros but the bro feel isn't there at all. idk if the fact that jm looks like the dongsaeng plays a part in kmn being diff, jk is whipped by jm cuteness in love or not he is whipped af and

2 i also feel like jk is totally jealous of mjn, he acts jealous of other ships but he's like so obvious when it comes to mjn it's shocking how obvious he gets in front of the camera not giving any f*cks lol But coming back to the diff btwn the ships I feel like there is an innocence with mjn's actions, they don't flirt don't check each other out while kmn are constantly doing that it's not a bro like relationship idk what it is exactly but u just don't touch or look at ur bro the way they do

ooh. i definitely like minjoon together too because it like the clash of the biases so it often feels good to see them together lol ^^

they’re definitely cute, and we know namjoon thinks jimin is the cutest thing nowadays and always dotes on him but I guess, the fact is, it’s quite different from how jimin dotes on jungkook. which is more real to life?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

there’s definitely differences between all the bts bromances at the end of the day, and you’re right in that i’ve seen bromances like mjn’s irl. But I haven’t really caught anyone looking desperately and wantingly at their bro when they think no one’s looking soo....idk, time will tell ;)