#hi saf! i love you!

[mishapen-moth]

hmm. colindeli

[itsjusteds]

I'm just gonna leave this here...

[a-lone-echoviolet]

🩻✨Done! Sick as a Plague doctor!✨💉

(I find it ironic thats why i did it lolol)

💖 @zucchiyeni @zucchichat 💖

No filters✨

Extra stuff📄

[camelspit]

I heard you’re reading the graceling series? Which one are you on and do you like them? I’m on winterkeep (when I eventually get to it)

Im on winterkeep as well! Tbh im not entirely sure how I feel. They just seem really... long? For not much happening. Bitterblues def been my favorite so far! :)

[spbabygirl]

i ordered fried rice from my fav fried rice place after a month. and i was really looking forward to eating it like I was hungry as hell soo yhea. BUT it came out burnt. THEY SENT ME BURNT FRIED RICE. sigh

but it reminded me of you so whatever mwah

[markedbyindecision]

THAT WAS SO GOOD

[aemondsquill]

Keep Going

Aemond Targaryen × Pregnant!Reader

Synopsis: The Blacks invade King's Landing. Aemond and his wife make a daring escape.

Reader is Daemon's daughter. No physical description except for Targaryen features (violet eyes and white hair)

A/N: thank you guys so much for all your support and love for my last fic!! It's so encouraging to know that y'all enjoyed it and I have about 5 other wips waiting in my drafts that I'm super excited to write!

Anyways, back at it again with the ANGST💅

Warnings: Heavy angst, stabbing, attempted murder, mentions of war, blood, gore, pregnancy loss, death

"Come, little dove, we must hurry!" Aemond whispered into the darkness. Y/N waddled around their darkened chambers, her pregnant belly making mobility slightly difficult. Even during this dire time, Aemond took a moment to admire his bride. The pregnancy gave her the most beautiful glow. Excitement glimmered in his chest at the thought of meeting the babe within her. He was hoping for a little girl with her mother's gentle eyes to dote upon. The only source of light were the fires currently burning through King's Landing. The flames cast a romantic yellow hue over her delicate features and made her silvery hair glow.

The Blacks decided to invade whilst the Red Keep slept. They brought their dragons: Caraxes, Tyraxes, Syrax, and Moondancer. All of which were currently wreaking havoc, circling the sky over the dragon pits waiting for their prey. Hundreds of Black bannermen and foot soldiers stormed the city, pillaging and slaughtering anyone they deemed loyal to the Greens.

Just a week prior, Y/N received a raven from her stepmother, Rhaenyra, urging her to leave the city as soon as possible. The letter promised safe passage to Pentos to wait out the destruction until the babe is born. Rhaenyra always held a certain affection for the girl. She willingly and eagerly took the young one under her wing after marrying Daemon.

Y/N notified Aemond of the letter immediately. He spent days planning their escape; which tunnels they would use, where they would dock the rowboat at the end of the tunnel, and which of the little islands would Vhagar wait for them.

Three days prior to tonight, Aemond stashed their luggage on the island they decided on and Vhagar would fly there early the next morn, ideally undetected.

Shouting could be heard through the large oaken door. The Blacks had infiltrated the Keep.

Anxiety clawed it's way into Aemond's chest. For the first time since he was a mere child he felt powerless.

He clutched Y/N's hand tightly, gently kissing her shivering fingers before pulling her towards the passage hidden within their chambers.

----

Light was sparse in the bowels of the foreboding Keep, but the violet-eyed pair pressed on.

The clinking of metal armor stopped them in their tracks, nerves on high alert. Y/N felt her heart drop into her stomach and her knees felt wobbly as Aemond tucked her into a small alcove, shielding her body with his. Together, they held their breath and waited for the soldier to pass. Whether he was Green or Black did not matter, the couple did not want to risk finding out.

A brief moment of silence hung heavily in the air before Aemond spoke.

"My love, if we run into trouble promise me you will run. I will hold whoever it is off..."

"Aemond, do not speak like this." Y/N's voice wobbled. "You are frightening me."

"I apologize, my love. I just want you to know I will do whatever I can to protect you. Both of you." Her heart quivered at his confession.

"It will not come to that." She spoke sternly, "I have the dagger you gifted me on my last name day and I intend to use it, husband." Aemond chuckled at his fierce little wife.

"I know you will. Come, let us continue. We are almost to Balerion's skull."

Aemond held Y/N's hand tightly in his, leading her deeper and deeper through the winding halls.

Aemond swallowed thickly as he thought of his mother, sister, and brother. He prayed for their safety before they made their escape. Surely, at least Heleana would be spared because of her innocence in this mess and his mother because of her past closeness with Rhaenyra. He knew Aegon would meet the Stanger quickly once the Blacks seized him. His drunken brother was still that, his brother and the thought made his violet eye burn with unshed tears.

Aemond's choice to choose his wife and child over his family did not come lightly to him. This is a thought that he had agonized over ever since Y/N received the raven.

Massive stonework created ominous shadows and ancient wood creaked. The Keep itself seemed to be alive that night.

----

Alas! Y/N spotted the mouth of the tunnel in the distance. Excitement made her fingers tingle as she sped up her steps.

Closer and closer they came to the end, the blackened sea coming into view along with the trusty little rowboat. Y/N could smell the briny spray from her location in the tunnel.

Freedom was within their grasp! Seeing the rowboat 'neath the moonlight spurred them on. Just a few more-

"Escaping into the night with your treasonous husband, daughter?"

Y/N felt her blood freeze.

Daemon stepped out from the shadows, along with him his bloodthirsty hounds he calls the Queensguard, surrounding the couple.

"Father, please. Let us pass. We have no fight with you." Daemon chuckled, but the humor did not reach his cold eyes. Aemond gripped his sword beneath his cloak, praying Y/N would heed his words for once. 'Run! You must run now, you insolent little girl!' He thought.

"Rhaenyra promised us safe passage. Please."

"Who's idea do you think that was, my dear?"

Y/N could nearly feel her soul shudder at the betrayal. This was intended. It was a test to see if Y/N would abuse the Queen's mercy by smuggling her husband out as well. And she fell for it so easily. Such pretty words on parchment had swayed her tender heart, filling her with hope. Hope that was so easily stifled with a penetrating stare from her father.

Aemond unsheathed his sword, immediately swinging at an unsuspecting guard, killing him.

"No! Wait!" Y/N begged her husband. Drawing blood would allow them no mercy from Daemon.

'Use this distraction run!' Aemond thought, frustrated.

She unsheathed her own dagger and moved so her back was against her husband's, giving the two full view of the guards circled around them.

"You've opened your legs for my cunt of a nephew and now his spawn resides within you. You will get no mercy from me daughter."

"Father, you pushed for this marriage! Do not forget you wanted to forge an alliance with them!" Y/N shouted, "you are solely responsible for this."

"A decision I regret deeply, Y/N. It is clear whose side you chose and you are no daughter of mine. Sieze them."

The clash of swords rang out behind her and she heard Aemond's grunts of exertion. She swiped at the neck of the guard in front of her and hot sticky blood sprayed on her face.

Aemond's scream in pain stilled her heart. She turned and saw him kneeling, the back of his calf split open, tendons and muscle severed. Still, he swung his sword in vain.

The brief distraction allowed two guards to roughly seize her arms, their bruising grip forcing a yelp from her lips.

Three men wrangled Aemond's arms behind them, he still snarled and squirmed in their grip.

Aemond's eye met Y/N's tortured gaze. A stone sunk in her stomach when she fully realized the gravity of their position.

"You will pay for betraying your Queen, but who will I take first? My traitor daughter and the Green bastard inside her or my nephew, the Kinslayer?" Daemon's tone had a sickening teasing lilt to it, as if he was entertaining a child.

"Well the decision is easy." Daemon stalked over to his prey, dagger drawn and glinting eerily in the moonlight.

"Father, wait, please, don't do this, WAIT! NO WA-" the air was forced from Y/N's lungs as the blade plunged into her gut. And again. And again. And again.

Aemond let out an anguished cry that shook the granite walls behind them. Tears of rage and grief poured out of his eyes, a haunting sight as the sapphire glimmered within his socket.

Y/N could not take a breath as she felt the white hot pain erupt over her swollen abdomen.

The guards released her and she fell limply to the ground.

Then Daemon turned to Aemond, who was choking on his tears and sobs.

"Kill him. When you are done, meet me in the Keep."

A Queensguard brandished a blade in front of Aemond and proceeded to bury to it multiple times in his guts.

Aemond was dropped to the ground as he gasped for breath, the Queensguard retreating into the tunnel.

Aemond crawled to his wife, each drag of his body agony as the rough shoreline tormented his wounds.

He grasped her hand. Shock jolted him as he realized she was alive, but only just.

Together, they propped themselves against the large boulder behind them. Aemond wrapped his arm around his little wife. A sweet and gently embrace that would ease their passage to the Stanger.

"It hurts, Aemond" Y/N whimpered.

"I know, my love." It was all Aemond could say. He failed her. He failed his duty as a husband and a father.

Together they shivered as the life continued to drip from them slowly.

Aemond thought back to their wedding, a day he longed to return to at this hour. If he closed his eye tightly and prayed hard enough, perhaps he would find himself standing in front of her, her eyes shining with love and a small cut adorning her luscious lower lip. Intermingling of their blood gave birth to their marriage. It was fitting that it would see the end of it, too.

"We were so close. We were nearly free." Aemond whispered. Y/N's gasping breaths, while not terribly loud, echoed in his ears. He knew she was not long for this earthly realm.

He held her tightly until he felt her head gently lay on his shoulder. He let out a shuddering breath and he knew.

His throat burned as he spoke, "come, my love, this is no place to die."

With a final surge of energy he stood, shakily. The gash across his calf rendered his left leg useless. Still, he stumbled and groaned through each step. He brought her to the rowboat and gently set her down in it, bundling up his cloak so her head could lay comfortably, his beautiful wife. He gently stroked her now-cold cheeks, chilled by the Stranger's kiss.

---

Each stroke of the oar set fire to Aemond's stomach, the grave wounds stretching uncomfortably as he rowed.

"VHAGAR" he shouted into the void. He called for her, again and again. He begged for his dragon until his throat was scratchy and raw.

The sound of powerful wings flapping could be heard in the distance.

The great she-dragon hovered over the boat as Aemond nestled himself next to his bride. The surge had dampened immensely. His tired eye gazed up at his beast.

"Vha...Vhagar" his spirit was dwindling as his eye fluttered heavily.

"Dracarys." It was all he could muster before slipping into the darkness to join his wife again, his little dove.

A pillar of flame reduced the boat to nothing, the ashes swirling togerther in their black watery grave.

[bajablastflavoredsaxreed]

OK OK OK OK OK OK

HEAR ME OUT

Spies are forever, The Wayward Guide for the Untrained Eye, and all of the Solve it Squad media take place in the same universe which somehow i am just now figuring out?

hmmmm sound familiar?

oh yup there it is

which means that chimera succeeded. curt mega did not in fact win and essentially shot the love of his life in the face for nothing. if you think about the implications

as for solve it squad…

apologies for the shitty autogenerated captions but? they just? namedropped a background scientist? from pay attention!? making? saf? canon? in the solve it squad?

one could extrapolate that bc saf is canon in both, sis and wayward are also canon to each other

which means that in all three of these. there are talking dogs, werewolves, evil information mining businesses. they talk about the New Democratic Republic of Old Socialist Prussian Sloviskia in the history books. mayberry exists. connor creek exists. scrags could meet up with artemis and paul and tell them about the mystery the gang just solved in their tiny town. instead of apple devices there is chimera. some people from saf are probably still alive. the implications. this is so important to me for no reason.

[starsreminisce]

Azriel unironically being the biggest Elucien shipper sends me because it's all based on canon.

He doesn't spy on Lucien because he knows that Elain and Lucien's courtship is heavily scrutinized by the Inner Circle.

He didn't like it when Cassian tried to make a bet with him about Lucien showing up because he thought that Lucien is still struggling to fit in.

He started avoiding Elain after the SAF solstice because he knows she is using him to distract herself from her mating bond.

He says that there is an innate darkness Elain shouldn't be exposed to because she isn't with her mate, who has fire in his veins and is heir to the Day Court.

He stayed close to the door, ready to leave during the SF solstice because this is one of the few times Elain and Lucien had been in the same room to interact.

He didn't want to give Elain his present because he wanted her to focus on the present Lucien gave her.

His present is a stained glass window rose necklace because she needs the sun to witness its secret lovely beauty.

He felt wrong for wanting to kiss her because he knew that he isn't the right person for her.

He goes ahead and says the most hurtful thing he could because it'll force her to consider how Lucien has been treating her compared to how he just did.

He tells Rhys that he'll defeat Lucien with little effort because near-death impacts the mating bond so profoundly that it shows its hand that Elain and Lucien can't keep avoiding it.

And lastly, he permanently stationed Lucien in Spring because by the time Elain is ready to do whatever it takes for the Night Court and wants to plant more gardens for the world, Lucien is already there waiting for her.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, after carefully considering the evidence presented, I urge you to consider the following: If Elain's actions demonstrate her lack of interest in Lucien, then it stands to reason that Azriel's actions paint a clear picture of his support for Elucien. From his subtle observations to his deliberate avoidance, Azriel's behavior speaks volumes about his stance on the matter. Therefore, I submit that the motion to recognize Azriel as an Elucien shipper is well-founded and should be upheld.

[crazyunsexycool]

My Little Love

Chapter 31

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

word count: 6k

Warnings: Some angst, mentions of blood, mentions of gun, SO MANY TEARS, Charlotte being the little rebel she is, Henry being a supportive big brother lol, The kids are just so fucking sweet, knives, implied thought of committing suicide (hydra command), If I forgot something please let me know.

A/N: OMG it's happening!!!! Please let me know what you think.

Series Masterlist

He drops the ironclad hold he had on your neck and releases the cuffs you had on. He leans into your ear and murmurs something. 

Your murderous gaze snaps up to Bucky’s.

You take slow measured steps in his direction. There is only one thing in your mind. Your only mission.

Hurt him.

He’s the enemy and he’ll hurt you. That’s what the man had said and you had no choice but to trust him. But the man in front of you seems familiar. You don’t fear him. Although your feelings in this don’t matter. 

“Sugar.” He says as he looks at you with anguish. He puts down the gun and holds his hands up to show he isn’t a threat. “It’s me, it’s Bucky. You’re safe now.” 

Your expression remains blank and you continue to move towards him.

“Charlotte and Henry can’t wait to see you.

You tilt your head in confusion. Those names are unknown to you. 

“I found her.” Bucky says. “I need bac-“ 

You don’t let him finish his sentence. Instead you connect your fist with his jaw. You advance on him and no matter how many blows you land he won’t hit you. He covers his face, he deflects but not once has he raised his hand against you. 

“Y/N, please listen to me. I know you’re in there. Sugar you can stop. It’s ok you’re safe now.” He pleads.

You don’t talk back, you can’t. The order was to hurt him not to talk. This time when you throw another punch he catches your fist with his left hand. You study it and then you flick your wrist so that you're holding his wrist instead. Then you squeeze. The metal crunch fills the otherwise empty hall. Bucky grunts as he falls to his knees. You’ve completely destroyed his left arm from wrist to shoulder and he seems to be in some kind of pain but you don’t care. You lift your fist again and you feel a small sting on the side of your neck before you lose consciousness.

****

“Are you ok?” Nat asks as she lays you on the floor. 

“What happened?” Steve asks as he rounds the corner, jogging up to Bucky and Nat. “Oh fuck.” 

Bucky’s arm was basically turned to scrap metal. His face was full of blood and bruises and there was no doubt that there would be more injuries.

“They programmed her.” Bucky said in between pants and tears. 

Steve first helped Bucky and then scooped you up from the floor. 

“The guy that was taking her out of here disappeared.” 

“I stopped him down the hallway, he isn’t going anywhere.” Nat says before she steps in front of Steve and starts leading them out of the building. Gun up and ready to shoot if necessary. “We should get her to Bruce so that he can keep her sedated until we get back to the tower.” 

Bucky just nods but his mind is a million miles away. What had they done to you? He was torn between needing to know and not wanting to find out. You were his best girl and he had let you down. 

“Buck, take my shield.” Steve says as the group approaches the exit. 

While the building was quiet there was a battle going on outside. The rest of the team, the CIA and the Dora Milaje were still fighting against hydra. 

“Wanda, Sam we’re going to need some help here. We have Y/N but she’s unconscious.” 

“On our way.” Sam says. A few seconds later he’s at the doors. His wings spread out and shielding the doors so that Nat can open them and let Steve walk out with you. 

There’s a ball of red magic that flies past them and hits someone and then Wanda lands beside them. Her eyes immediately go to you and her heart aches when she sees the state you’re in. 

“Let’s go.” She says with a nod. 

The five of them move in sync. Steve in the middle of the other four as they keep you safe. Okoye sees them and sends some of her fighters to help clear the way. In no time you’re on a jet and Bruce is setting up a drip before taking your vitals. 

“Stay with her Buck.” Steve takes the shield from him and pats his back before heading back. 

“She’s stable. Was she unconscious when you found her?” 

“No, Nat had to sedate her. She did this.” Bucky motions to himself and Bruce grimaced. 

“I’ll clean you up in a second.”

“Take your time. I’d rather you focus on her.” Bucky mutters as he sits beside you with a groan.

He takes your hand in his right and brings it up to his lips, placing a kiss on your knuckles. 

“We’ve got you, Sugar. You’re safe again.” 

Bucky didn’t leave your side. Even when Bruce wanted to check for other injuries he just shrugged him off and said he could wait to be checked out at the tower. Bucky did ask Bruce to help him remove his left arm since it was no longer useful. 

You were still unconscious when you were moved from the jet to the hospital floor of the tower. Just outside the doors of the waiting room Ed was waiting for Bucky. 

“You did it, son. You brought back our girl.”

He pulled Bucky in for a hug. One Bucky desperately needed. He let silent tears fall as the relief of having you home finally washed over him. Out of personal experience he knew that the coming days or weeks or months were going to be difficult but he’d do anything he could to support you. 

Charlotte’s excited babbling made Bucky pull away. Her rushed steps were heard echoing off the walls and suddenly she’s turning the corner. 

“Dada! Mama’s home.” She exclaimed with absolute glee as she ran to hug Bucky. 

“Is she really here daddy?” 

“She is bub. Now c,mere.” Bucky hugged him too. The tension left Henry’s body the longer Bucky held him. “I need to tell you both something though.” 

“Mama sick. Is kay dada, mama get bettuh. I see it.” 

“That’s right, mama is a bit sick right now so you can’t see her just yet. But at least she’s home and we can help her get better soon.” 

Henry nodded although concern and sadness clouded his eyes. His attention moves to Bucky’s left side and the lack of an arm. “What happened daddy?” 

“It got ruined during the mission.” 

“But it is ok because I brought a newer version to replace it anyways.” Shuri’s voice fills the hallway.

 The doors to the waiting room are open and four guards, part of the Dora Milaje, stand behind her. Two of them holding a large black box in between them.

“Shuri.” Henry runs to her and they do their secret handshake. 

“Hey there little man. How have you been?” 

“I’m ok. Have you made anything new?” 

“Loads of things. I even brought some prototypes for you to try. But that will be after I help your baba.” 

“Ok.” 

“Hi Shuwi, mama’s home.” Lottie announces excitedly. 

“I’ve heard. I am going to help your mama get better, little one. How does that sound?” 

“Is good, tank you.”

“You are very welcome.” Shuri chuckles. 

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet  Shuri, Princess of Wakanda. She removed hydra’s programming for me, Henry and Lottie and also gave me my left arm. Shuri, this is Y/N’s family.” Bucky says as he introduces everyone.

“You’re really going to help her?”

“Absolutely. Whatever hydra tried to do we can undo it.”

“Thank you so much. We appreciate everything you’re doing not only for Y/N but for Bucky and the kids as well.” 

“It is my pleasure to be able to help. Now if you come with me Sergeant.” 

Bucky turns to talk to Ed but he just waves Bucky away.

“Y/N’s still asleep. For safety precautions we have guards outside of her room and she is cuffed to the bed.” Bruce says as he stands in front of everyone in the waiting room. 

“We will have to wait until she wakes up to run some tests to see what hydra did exactly.” Shuri adds. “Sergeant Barnes is also recovering. We had to take him into surgery to fix some of the inner workings of his shoulder implant before we could replace his arm.”

“How long will that take?” Ed asks.

“Just a few hours. He will definitely be awake before Y/N is. Although I should add that he shouldn’t be the first person she sees when she wakes up.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because the last command she was given was to hurt him. Until we know how the programming works we need to be careful.” 

Everyone agrees and then Shuri and Bruce are gone again to work on who knows what.

****

“Steve, Y/N’s awake. Why don’t you go in first?” 

“Why not Ed?” Steve asks as he gets up. Handing a sleeping Lottie to Nat. 

“Well like we said,” Bruce explains. “We don’t know how she’ll react. You can at least fight back.” 

Steve follows Bruce to your room. The guards at the door don’t move as Steve opens the door and steps in. The lights of the city kept the room bright as they came in through the large windows. You laid on your side, eyes trained on some point outside of the window but there was no spark. Steve sat down on a chair next to your bed but you didn’t look at him. 

“Hey Y/N. It’s me Steve.” He says softly but it feels as if he yelled by the way you flinch. “I’m sorry magnet. I didn’t mean to be so loud.” 

Your eyes shift toward him for a moment but you don’t respond. 

“At least you still don’t like the nickname.” He mutters before sighing. “I missed you. So did the kids. They’re very excited that you’re finally home. I mean we all are of course. But they’re in the waiting room and they refuse to leave.” 

“I don’t know you.”

“We are best friends, maybe you just don’t remember.” Steve said. “Your family’s here too.”

You whimpered at the mention of them and you tried to make yourself look smaller. The panicked look in your eyes when you finally looked back at him concerned Steve.

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t have to see anyone until you’re ready.” 

His reassurance didn’t ease your mind though and the heart monitor started to beep faster. Bruce walked in a minute later as Steve tried to calm and comfort you. You were crying and shaking violently in the bed and nothing Steve said helped.

“I’ll have to sedate her.” Bruce says sadly.

Steve nods and steps away. He sighs with one last look in your direction before stepping out of the door. 

“How is she?” Eddie’s hopeful voice reaches Steve. Tear filled eyes look up at the older man.

“She didn’t recognize me and she wouldn’t really talk.” 

“Maybe she just needs some time. I mean she went through a lot right? We can’t just give up on her.” 

“And we won’t. It just pains me to see her like that.” Steve admits. “She’s the strong one in this friendship.” 

Eddie nods. “That’s my girl. But now it’s time for us to be strong for her.” 

Steve nods as Eddie pats him on the shoulder. 

“Now let’s get out there. Lottie won’t listen to anyone other than you or Bucky and we need to take her up to bed.” 

“Bubba?” Lottie calls out for Henry with a whisper. 

The room they’ve been sharing for the past few weeks is quiet and dark with only a nightlight casting a small glow. Henry is laying on the top bunk bed while Lottie is on the bottom. 

“Yeah, baby?” 

“Wanna see mama.” 

Henry shifts so that he can look over the railing and down at Lottie. 

“Daddy and grandpa said mama was sleeping, baby.”

“But mama home. Wanna habe seepover.” Lottie protests as she hugs her pink bear tighter. 

“I know baby, but mama is sick, remember?” 

“Can gibe Pinky.” Lottie holds up her teddy bear. “Make mama bettuh.” 

Henry looks back at his own bear and grabs it. In the kids’ mind it was logical. When they first got to the compound they each got a teddy bear and it always made them feel better.

“Maybe she’ll get better with two teddys.” Henry climbs down the small ladder while Lottie hops off her bed. “We have to be really quiet and you have to do what I say ok?” 

“Kay.” 

“Ok, don’t let go of my hand.” Henry takes Lottie’s hand and he turns them both invisible. 

As quickly and quietly as they can, the kids walk out of their shared room, through the living room where Eddie had fallen asleep on the couch and out of the front door. Henry keeps them invisible in the elevator and during their walk through the waiting room until he finds the room you’re in. 

The kids see Tony walk out of your room with a sad and concerned expression on his face. He leaves the door slightly open as the guards change shifts. Henry pulls Lottie against the wall in order to avoid having Tony run into them. Once he’s around the corner Henry walks towards the door to your room and peaks in. 

You’re asleep on the bed so Henry opens the door more and lets Lottie walk in. After they’re both behind the door he closes it he watches Lottie walk up to the bed and stare up at you. Her pink bear pressed against her chest as her bottom lips wobbled. 

“It’s ok baby. Mama is going to get better.” Henry whispers as he throws his arm around her shoulder. He pulls her in and kisses her temple.

“Can gibe Pinky?” 

“Yeah we can.” 

Henry pulls the chair closer to the bed so that Lottie can get up easier. She climbs the chair and then moves on to the bed and tucks the teddy under your arm and then does the same with Henry’s orange teddy. 

“You ah my sunshine, my onwy sunshine.” Lottie starts to sing. 

“You make me happy when skies are gray.” Henry joins in as they both sing the lullaby you often sang to them after a nightmare. “You’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.” 

Lottie climbs onto your lap and lays down on top of you, resting her head on your chest. Henry takes a seat at the edge of the bed. He takes your hand in his and sniffles while running his free hand up and down Lottie’s back in a soothing manner. 

****

Against Shuri and Bruce’s advice to rest after having to have some plates replaced in his shoulder, Bucky went to your room. It was late at night so he was sure you were asleep. Bucky just wanted to see you and remind himself that you were back. The guards are standing by your door and he’s sure he recognizes one of them.

“Agent Richards?” He asks quietly.

“Good evening Sergeant Barnes.”

“Aren’t you on desk duty?” 

“I requested this assignment. Agent Y/L/N, saved my life out in the field once. It would have been a really close call for me. She took care of me and kept me safe until help arrived. I want to repay the favor.” She says.

“I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”

Agent Richards nods. “Oh, it’s really sweet that you had the kids record that lullaby for her.” 

“Lullaby?” 

“Yeah, you are my sunshine. I heard the end of it as we got to our post. I’m sure they can’t wait to see their mom again.” 

“Yeah, that’s for sure.” Bucky nodded. “Thank you for standing guard. I’m just gonna sit with her for a little bit.”

“Of course sir.” 

Bucky opens the door slowly. Once he’s inside he spots the pink and orange teddy bears and knows the kids are in here. His eyes dart around the room but of course he doesn’t see anything. 

“Henry, are you in here?” Bucky asked softly. Of course there was no answer. “Lottie did you come to see mama even though you should be sleeping?” 

“No.” 

Bucky had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing. 

“Alright let me see you.”

Henry turns Lottie and himself visible again. Lottie was still cuddled up to you and Henry was on the edge of the bed. Bucky opens his arms and both kids move from the bed to his lap. He places a kiss on both their heads and gives them a hug.

“What are you doing here? I said you couldn’t see mama yet because she’s sick.” Bucky asks in a hushed tone. 

“But Pinky make mama bettuh.”

“Doll, I know you want mama to be better but you have to do as I say. It’s really important that you follow the rules.” 

“I no wike the wules.” Lottie replies with an angry pout and her arms crossed over her chest. 

“I know you little troublemaker but you have to do it anyway. It’s important if you want to help mama get better.” 

Lottie’s response was a little gasp. 

“Mama.” Henry was the one to speak up, making Bucky’s eyes snap up to you in bed. 

You were looking at the three of them. Eyes were distant as if you were trying to remember who these people were. If they had a connection to you, you didn’t remember. 

“Mama it’s me, it’s Henry.” He noticed your hesitation. 

“An Wottie.” 

“It’s Lottie. She has a hard time saying her Ls, remember?” Henry says.

The interaction breaks Bucky’s heart. He knows you don’t remember which is why he wanted the kids to stay away until Shuri and Bruce could run their tests.

In response all the kids get is a blank stare before you look up at him. Fortunately you don’t have a murderous look in your eyes anymore. The bad thing is that the lack of response on your part upsets the kids and Lottie begins to cry.

“Mama no wemembuh?” 

Bucky grabs both kids and walks out of the room. He takes a moment in the corner of the waiting room to comfort them. He knows it’s a very confusing situation for them and he does the best he can. By the time the kids have calmed down Josh and Sofia have shown up after Bucky asked Friday to call them to take the kids back upstairs. Once they’re gone Bucky walks back into your room where he finds you staring down at both bears. 

“May I?” Bucky gestures to the chair but you only stare at him. 

Bucky nods to himself realizing that for the past three months your choices have been taken away from you. He proceeds to sit.

“What is the last thing you remember?”

You look up at him, startled at the gentleness of his voice. All you’ve been around have been harsh, cruel screaming and mocking tones. 

“I-uh.” You had trouble answering his question. 

Immediately you cower as you wait for the blow or whatever punishment the man in front of you sees fit. When it doesn’t come you look back up at the man in front of you to find him with tears in his eyes. Slowly he reaches for your hand and takes it in his.

“We are not going to hurt you here. We want to help you, you don’t have to be scared. It’s ok if you don’t remember anything right now.” 

“I had to hurt you.” You whisper after a few minutes of silence. “It’s what he said I had to do.”

While you might not remember him, he felt safe. You felt at peace with him by your side so you let your guard down a bit. He just nodded. 

“Do you know where you are?”

You shook your head no. 

“You’re home.”

“I live in a hospital?” You questioned. The thought made you uneasy. 

“No,” he chuckles. “You live in the Avengers’ tower.”

That only distressed you more. The heart rate monitor started beeping rapidly and you struggled to get out of the restraints. 

“Please, I'm sorry. I’ll do whatever they want but don’t let the Avengers take me. They’ll hurt me, please.” 

Bucky didn’t have time to react because Bruce is walking into the room to see what’s going on. Suddenly Bucky is being pushed out of the room while Bruce, Helen and Shuri work to calm you down. With nothing else to do Bucky heads up to find someone to talk to. 

You woke up hours later in a groggy state. The restraints have been removed so you stretch your limbs. With a small groan you sit up and you take a better look around. Blinking owlishly to take in the room better and you remember what your mission was. 

From the other room you could hear voices. They were familiar to you but you couldn’t place them. This whole ordeal felt like being stuck in a zoo exhibit. You could feel there were people out there looking at you but you didn’t know who it was. Although it felt like you should know them. It was upsetting that you didn’t know who you were with and if you could trust them.

At the door you peek out and notice two guards at the door. Closing your eyes you concentrate on finding anything metal that you could use as a distraction. Once you find what you need and you crash metal against the floor the guards leave to double check what is going on. With them gone you slip out of the room and search the floor for a stairway. You remember the doctor talking to someone or something named Friday so you ask it where the kids are. The voice directs you to the right floor and in no time you’re walking into the apartment. 

There is no noise other than ambient sounds. You make your way to the kitchen and grab a knife before moving around the apartment until you find the bedrooms. The first one is obviously the kids room. There are toys and kids' clothing thrown about and a bunk bed that sits empty. You move on to the next room and there they are. The two kids that called you mama earlier were cuddled up together and fast asleep in the middle of the huge bed. 

Your last mission is simple. Kill the children and get out. If escaping is impossible don’t let the Avengers catch you alive. 

You take one step at a time. Slowly you make it to the edge of the bed and stare down at your true target. It’s now or never but as you look at their innocent and angelic faces you can’t seem to follow through. The need to protect and keep them safe overpowers the need to follow orders. It’s a war between your head and whatever hydra did to you and what you feel is the right thing to do. The hand that holds the knife trembles as you fight against the command your handler gave you. 

“Mama? Why are you crying?” The boy, Henry if you recall, is looking up at you. He looks a bit concerned.

“I-I don’t know.” 

“Mama habe seepover.” Lottie says, her eyes are brighter as she looks up at you. There’s so much trust in her eyes that something breaks in you as she holds her hand out for you. 

But the knife is in your hand and you have a mission to complete. 

Bucky, Steve, Nat, Tony, Yelena, Shuri and Eddie all raced to Bucky’s apartment. It didn’t take long for Bruce to realize you were gone and for Friday to inform him of your location. The obvious answer as to why you were looking for the kids sat heavy in Bucky’s heart and mind. Had hydra really stooped so low as to have a mother murder her own children? The answer unfortunately was yes. He hoped they could get there in time to stop it. If you went through with it even if it was against your will, Bucky knew you would never forgive yourself. It would crush you and who knows how you would handle it.

They all rush in as they hear Lottie asking if you’re having a sleepover. The best plan of action is for only one or two of them to go in so as to not scare the kids. Bucky opens the door and Steve is right there behind him. The image in front of them lightens the weight on Bucky’s shoulder. You sat in the middle of the bed, Henry tucked into your side and Charlotte on your lap with her head resting on your shoulder. A knife lay on the floor by the bed. He breathed a sigh of relief when you looked up at him. The look of utter confusion on your face as you continued to struggle between what you were doing and what you should be doing. 

“Dada, habe seepover.” Lottie pats the space next to you.

Bucky looks over his shoulder to find Steve fighting back tears. He wished it were that easy but he knows it’s not. 

“I will in a minute. Can I talk to you out here? Please.” He looks at you. 

You look down at the kids, upset that they’ll be upset if you leave them. It was still so strange to you that they provoked such strong emotions and you barely knew them. 

“I’ll be back.” 

“Don’t go mama. You just came back.” Henry pleads as he holds on to you tighter.

“She’ll be back bubs. We just have to have a grown up talk.” 

“I will.” 

“Ok.” 

You sat Charlotte down on the bed and walked out. The minute the door is closed behind you and you are far enough away from the bedroom there’s a red cloud in your face. As you inhale the substance you feel like you can see for the first time. 

Blinking away the fog your head had been in  you finally recognized your friends and family. Immediately your legs give out. Bucky is right there holding you and lowering himself to sit on the floor. Tears start flowing freely as you begin to hyperventilate. 

“It’s ok Sugar. I’ve got you, you’re safe.” Bucky murmurs but it doesn’t ease your cries. “Just breathe for me. Match my breathing.”

You do as he asks and then turn around to wrap your arms around him. The hug is bone crushing but Bucky doesn’t care. As long as you’re in his arms he’d let you squeeze the life out of him. The others stand around watching as you and Bucky finally reunite after three long and agonizing months. He kisses your temple and reassures you that you’re safe.

“The kids. Oh my god, they want-they wanted m-me t-to hurt them. I almost did. I al-almost hurt my babies.” You cry out. 

“Mama?” 

You look over Bucky’s shoulder to find Lottie looking at you wide eyed. Henry stood behind her, his hands on her shoulder to keep her close. You moved out of Bucky’s hold to get a better look at them.

“Hi sweet Angel.” 

“Mama!” Lottie shrieked as she ran into your open arms. It was really you again. “I missed you mama.” Lottie cried.

“I missed you too, baby.”

You opened your arm for Henry who walked towards you cautiously. His eyes darted from you to Bucky and back.

“Hi my sweet boy.” 

It was enough to hear you call him that for Henry’s walls to come tumbling down. His arms loop around your neck and he hides his face in the crook of your neck as he cries. You feel Bucky behind you holding the three of you. 

After a while the kids reluctantly get up and so do you. You move to hug your father who had been watching everything unfold.

“Daddy.” 

“Hey kitten, I’m so happy you’re home. I knew they’d find you again. You were so strong, you always have been.” He murmurs. 

You go down the line hugging and thanking everyone, even meeting Nat’s younger sister who apparently had the serum that helped you out of the hold hydra had in you. Steve is last and you can see his red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. It always surprises you how delicately he can hug you considering how strong he is. 

“I missed you.” He whispers. 

“I missed you too. Thank you for not giving up and for being there for everyone.” 

“We only found you because of my best girl.” Steve says as he pulls away. “She gave us the lead we needed.” 

You turned to look for Lottie only to find her next to you. Smiling down at her you pick her up and kiss her cheek.

“Did you find me?” 

“Mmhmm, mama I see you. An habe a beefing.”

“My hero.” 

“Am A-venguh wike Steebie.” 

“You are an Avenger, sweet Angel.” You chuckle.

“I hate to interrupt but we should talk.” Shuri says with an apologetic look. 

You just nod but you hate what could possibly happen now. 

“I’ll take the kiddos.” Eddie says and opens his arms to Lottie.

She pouts but goes with him. 

“I’ll be back sweet Angel.” You turn to see Henry standing by Bucky. “I’ll come back, ok?” 

“Ok.” 

You give him a smile as tears gather in your lash line. 

From the elevator to the hallway and even when you stopped in front of a conference room Bucky kept you tucked into his side. You appreciated the action, everything felt too exposed and unsafe. There was this nerve racking feeling in the pit of your stomach that hydra would be back. That they found drag you back into the hell they’d kept you in and this time they’d get their hands on the kids too. 

“You’re safe.” Bucky murmured in your ear.

You hadn’t noticed that you were trembling in fear at the thought. He stops outside of a conference room and pulls you in for a hug. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. I can’t begin to imagine what they did.” 

“No, I’m sorry about your arm.” You look up at him through wet lashes. “I promised I’d never use my ability against you.” 

“Hey, don’t do that. You know it’s not your fault. Besides, Shuri upgraded it.” 

“Still…” 

“No. Trust me, if you start going down this path you’ll lose yourself down a rabbit hole of what ifs.” 

You nod but it wouldn’t be that easy. Now you really understood what Bucky had been through even though he suffered more than you had. 

“We are ready for you.”  Shuri’s head popped out of a door. 

“Let’s go see what they found.” 

You nod and let Bucky lead you.

****

In the conference room was the whole team who welcomed you back with open arms. Shuri’s team was also in attendance as well as some Dora Milaje. It made you uncomfortable. There were too many unknown people and you couldn’t focus on what Shuri, Bruce and Helen were trying to explain to you. You kept looking over your shoulder waiting for a blow to come. A taser to find its way to your ribs or even a knife to slice your skin. 

“Y/N, did you hear what I said?” Shuri’s concerned voice pulls you back to the present. Everyone was staring at you. 

You shrunk back in your seat at all of the attention. Your breathing became shallow and all you could hear was a  muffled chorus of voices around you. Rocking back and forth in the chair you were sitting in you began to cry again. Your hands flew up to your ears when everything suddenly became too loud.

Bright blue eyes find yours. Soft pink lips move but you can’t hear the words. One warm and one cold hand cup your face. 

“I’ve got you, Sugar.” You finally hear Bucky say. He murmurs reassuring words until you finally calm down. 

When you look around almost everyone is gone. Steve, Bruce, Helen, and Shuri remain. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Y/N. You’ve gone through something very difficult. I think this was too much.” Bruce said. “Why don’t we end this here and we can meet tomorrow morning and make a decision then.” 

“Decision?” 

“Hydra placed some kind of tech in your head.” Shuri says cautiously. “Something like a computer chip.” 

“So they can control me?”

“Well we aren’t sure which is why we need to remove them as soon as possible. Take tonight to think about it and we’ll meet tomorrow.” 

You nod slowly. Bucky thanks them and helps you up. With his arm around you he escorts you back to the elevator with only Steve by your side. In search of more comfort and grounding yourself you take Steve’s hand. The look in your eyes however is distant and fearful. 

Steve and Bucky exchange a worried glance. The reports have been coming in nonstop and Steve has read some of them. It’s made him sick to his stomach the snippets he’s read of how you had been treated. 

The three of you made it back to the apartment to the sound of the kids playing with Eddie. It made you smile as you walked into the living room to see both Lottie and Henry on top of Eddie. 

“Mama.” Henry got up and ran to you first followed closely by Lottie. They both hug and smile up at you. “You came back.” 

“I said I would.” 

“Let’s let mama get comfy ok.” Eddie says from the living room. “Do you wanna change first? We can have a movie night if you’d like.” 

“I’d really like a shower.” 

“Yeah, I’ll get it started for you. We have some pajamas for you and everything.” Bucky kisses your temple and disappears into the master room.

“Go on. We’ll be here when you get out.” 

You nod but look at the four of them again and a heaviness sits on your chest. It couldn’t be this easy to be free of hydra. They have to have something else planned. 

Steve nudges you in the direction of the room and you head in for a shower. Bucky gives you privacy, something you haven’t had in weeks. Once you’re out and dressed you feel refreshed and you’re starting to feel like yourself. In the bedroom Bucky is waiting for you. He gives you a tired smile, one you return.  

You step between his legs and rest your hands on his shoulders. His hands instinctively find your hips and he pulls you closer. Bucky’s hands move from your hips to your lower back as he wraps you in a hug. The both of you stay there for a moment just being wrapped up in each other before going out to the living room.

****

In the living room everyone had found their spots on the couch. Henry and Charlotte sat either beside you or on your lap. Bucky sat on your other side. It had been a long few days for everyone it seems. 

As the movie the kids had chosen played on everyone but you fell asleep on the couch. The situation had been stressful and nerve wrecking for everyone and it took a toll. Steve and Eddie who had been sitting side by side were leaning on each other for support as they slept. Bucky’s head was on your shoulder as he snored softly, Lottie was resting against your chest and Henry was leaning into you. 

They’re  why you had done what you did. The reason you gave yourself up to hydra to keep your family safe. It was a difficult price to pay but you would do it again. 

You found it hard to sleep though. Anytime you close your eyes all you see is the hell you’d been in for the last few weeks. It didn’t matter though, you were back with your family and that was like a balm to your aching soul. And for now that was enough.

Ch. 32

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[crystalflygeo]

Safeword. ft Zhongli + fem!reader

cw/tags: a bit of anxiety/panic attack, bit of dirty talk but it's all praise, bit of nipple play and fingering, safeword use, bondage (tied arms, blindfold) hurt/comfort, aftercare, just reader in general dealing with negative feelings but being comforted PLEASE BE WARNED IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. READ THE TAGS.

notes: I literally just woke up and wrote this in a rush in my phone lmao what. Listen my mood jumps between depressed and horny and I've always loved safeword use and aftercare done right, it is very important and intimate. Also who doesn't want Zhongli softly soothing and kissing them? I almost made this gender neutral reader but I ended up being self indulgent so sorry.

Everything felt hot, too hot, but not in a good way. It was... sticky, ah, uncomfortable.

You squirm a little, shifting on your legs until you feel Zhongli's hands slowly caress your skin, making you shiver. His breath fans your neck "Good girl.” He mumbles at your shoulder, and kisses there.

Yes, this was fine. This is what you wanted, to just let go and release that pent up energy.

Right?

"Hmm... you've been so stressed lately, darling, haven't you?" His strong hands start massaging and kneading at your shoulders and you groan, it feels pretty good.

Until one of his palms lowers to your chest and starts playing with one of your nipples and you hiss. It hardens under his attention, sure, but feels... odd, it kind of hurts.

You shift again awkwardly, and the rope holding your wrists together digs into your skin.

You don't know what's wrong but something is. You don't feel the same lightheadedness as usual, in fact you're hyperaware, parted lips panting but the pressure is not on your lower belly, it’s at your chest instead. It feels cold, empty, oppressive.

Your hands clench into fists and you whimper.

Zhongli kisses around your chest down to your navel and that feels good too, tender, loving. His voice soothes you, even though you feel oddly disconnected.

"You look so beautiful my dear, laid out like this."

Did you really? The anxiety starts gnawing at you, body tense. Your mind is far away, going over some dumb mistake you made some days ago, some stupid thing you said last week...

You've been so frustrated lately, feeling sad, and angry, and disappointed and-

Zhongli's thumb circles over your clit and you gasp and keen, hips jerking on reflex.

Oh. That felt good, but-

But then why did you feel so wrong?

"Z-Zhongli." You hiccup. Voice wobbly, you feel your eyes start to water. What is wrong with you? You're suffocating. Choked up. Sweaty and awkward and-

His fingers dip inside you and you clench on them, crying out.

"Fuck... Y/N you're so tight." He rasps.

It's too much, you can't, you can't-

"Hng r-red. Red!"

In an instant you feel the mattress dip and shift with his weight as Zhongli quickly takes off your blindfold, and just like that the damn breaks. You start crying and hyperventilating as he curses and immediately frees your hands.

"Y/N, my love, are you alright? I'm so sorry." He starts, and though his voice is leveled as ever you can feel the slight stutter of panic. "It's alright, everything is okay, I'm sorry."

You shake your head, crying into your hands, you want to tell him it's not him. It's never him. But words fail you, you breath stutters.

You know he won't touch you without explicit permission, so you lean into him, your smaller frame trembling as you press closer to his chest. You need this. You need him.

"May I embrace you darling?" You nod frantically and feel his arms curl around you just so slightly, as to not make you feel trapped. One of his hands sweeps your hair over your shoulder and starts rubbing circles on your back, soft. "Is this alright?" He asks.

You nod and try to find your voice again "S-sorry. Sorry... don't k-know... wh-what's wrong."

Zhongli shushes you gently. "Please my love breathe, focus on calming down, slowly. It's ok. Just breathe. I'm so glad you used your safeword. You did well."

You placed a hand at your chest feeling your fast paced heartbeat and trying to calm down a little, regulating your breathing, leaning onto his comfortable touch and words.

You made Zhongli worry, you panicked out of nowhere and still don't know why, you feel dumb, needy, annoying. "S-sorry I'm-" You sob. "Don't know what's wrong...” You repeat unable to find words to express that creeping cold numb feeling that took hold you. “Please d-don't be upset." You add quietly.

You hear him sigh, his hand never stopping tracing soft shapes on your skin. "May I kiss you?" He asked instead and you gave a weak nod. Zhongli planted a soft kiss on your hair, on your forehead. "My dear, I would never be upset. I love you. I'd never wish to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry I didn't notice in time." Zhongli sighs again, heavy. "But right now, I need you to calm down, you don't have to explain or apologize at all, what matters is that you're safe, and I'm here for you for anything you need."

Your eyes flutter close and minutes pass by while he holds you, whispering sweet nothings, your breathing calming down to a steady rhythm. You place a small fleeting kiss against his shoulder and he replied by nuzzling at the top of your head. After a while, you shift and look up at him, red puffy eyes staring at his beautiful cor lapis ones.

"Better?" He asks, swiping his thumb over your cheek tenderly. You nod. "Would you like to eat something? Or I can prepare a bath for you?"

Oh he's so doting, your heart flutters. "Zhongli I'm- I'm sorry I didn't want to make you worry." You can see he's holding back from objecting again but lets you continue. "It's just... I've been so stressed lately and I thought, if we... played... I could let out all that. I-It did feel good! But then it was just... too much. I don't know." You avert your gaze. “It wasn’t you I promise, I just got overwhelmed and everything felt… wrong.”

Zhongli caresses your cheek with his knuckles softly "As I said, you have nothing to apologize for dear, and I'm glad you spoke up. I'd be happy to offer you whatever support you want and take care of you. You're beautiful, hardworking, strong, kind, and I love you."

You feel your cheeks heat slightly and let out a small smile. You're truly literally blessed to have him. "C-Can I... take you up on that bath offer?"

He chuckles, and it's so refreshing. "Of course." He kisses you again and you nuzzle into his touch this time.

"I love you too, Zhongli. Thank you."

[itsjusteds]

I never thought that any piece of media could make me do something every day for a week let alone 50 days but here we are. Hello for those of you who aren't aware, I'm Eds, the Spies are Forever fan who decided that if he wanted something done he should do it himself by drawing every saf character daily until he's drawn all 55.

To celebrate day 50 (holy shit I did that), today's character is the Prince of The New Democratic Republic of Old Socialist Prussian Sloviskia, Toygle Feurgin :D Day 50/55!!!

[smytherines]

Not to get too serious about something that was super fun and we all enjoyed immensely, but I keep thinking about the Mega Bastards headcanon video because the thing is...

in A1P1 Agent Mega is already shown to be drinking alcohol at inappropriate times (i.e. trying to escape a Russian weapons facility with his boyfriend). We tend to focus on Curt's drinking post-banana because of course we do. It's a traumatic event (even if it's his fault, ugh agent Mega) and definitely accelerates his drinking to the degree that he can't do his job for four years.

BUT he clearly already has a drinking problem at the beginning of the show. Owen reacts to him drinking out of the flask like this is a thing Curt regularly does, a thing Owen is at least somewhat concerned about. Curt even (very defensively) teases Owen into taking a swig himself.

So thinking about what Actor Curt Mega believes about Agent Curt Mega, that he regularly used to have to seduce women despite having no interest in women, it just makes the Mega bastards lore (as much fun as I've had with that) incredibly fucking sad. Like most things with SAF, first it's a farce, then it's a tragedy.

Curt Mega even uses the term "masking" (which definitely shot me in the heart as an AuDHD person), and while I personally headcanon Agent Mega as ADHD, there are still plenty of things that ADHDers have to conceal about themselves. A gay neurodivergent man in the 1950s-1960s would have to conceal so much about themselves that it absolutely could lead to substance use as a way to deal with it. Substance use is a pretty serious problem for ADHD & autistic (and queer!!) people precisely because we live in a society that is not built for us, that is often actively hostile to us, and we have to find ways to survive that.

Maybe this is too personal but I'm a chronic oversharer- my dad had alcohol use disorder. It destroyed his life. He passed away several years ago, and one of the hardest parts of my getting diagnosed with ADHD & autism as an adult was having to really reckon with the fact that he wasn't drinking because he was a bad person or because he didn't love me- he was drinking because he was born in the 50s and things like ADHD & autism weren't as well-understood, and as someone who was certainly autistic and possibly ADHD (there's a heavy genetic component there) he had to hide so much of himself. All the time. He was masking 24 hours a day. And I think he coped with that incredible pressure and physical and emotional distress by drinking. That drinking often made him defensive and petty and irresponsible.

Anyways, the more I think about the Mega bastards lore, the more heartbreaking it becomes. Agent Curt Mega's job requires him to have sex he doesn't want to have with people he is not attracted to. His life, safety, reputation, freedom all depend on nobody knowing he is in love with a man.

Actor Curt Mega kinda nailed it when he used the term "masking." There is really no part of Agent Mega's life where he is allowed to be himself, except for **maybe** when he and Owen are alone together, so when Owen "dies" and Agent Mega loses that one tiny place where he gets to be his authentic self, his drinking just goes over the edge.

As an Owen Carvour apologist I sometimes feel like the narrative doesn't really punish Agent Mega for being kind of an asshole in A1P1, but I'm sort of reframing it after the headcanon video, because it does make me wonder how much of that asshole behavior stems from his persistent alcohol use, his defensiveness when people point out issues arising from his alcohol use (Owen, Cynthia criticising his job performance), and the general macho tough guy affect Agent Mega has adopted to just survive living as a neurodivergent gay man in the 1950s.

I know it was just a fun unofficial kickstarter goal (and I got to make like six tinlightenment promo posts out of it so thank you for the promo content, sir), but it has legitimately kinda forced me to extend empathy to Agent Mega in a way that I didn't really do before.

Goddamn, this show has l a y e r s

[booigi-boi]

Would love to know your favorite Joey character (also love the way your draw him)

Aw, thank you 🥺🐐🐇💛🤍

But my fav Joey character? Yeah, I guess I can turn this into a mini show and tell, lol 👍

From Starkid: Ted Spankoffski, which is kinda obvious. Is he a terrible person who deserves the title of "Most deaths in the Hatchetfield series"? Absolutely. Is he still my blorbo? Absolutely 👨🐐

This man has no shame and I love seeing him die anytime he appears in a HF story ✨

From Tin Can Bros: Scrags, but mostly because I am unable to rewatch SAF more than once a year, cause it gives me such slaps in my face after act 2 starts that I am emotionally unable to watch it (/pos ofc, I just can't go through sleepless nights over gay spies anymore 🥲)

So sorry Owen lovers, I just like this depressed dog dad more (Especially after the Grunch, go watch it 🐕❄)

From Shipwrecked: Easily Ernest Hemingway, no debating, lol. Funnily it's mostly cause I love his costuming/design, like this brown on brown on brown is really speaking to the artist in me, ugh 🔪🤎🥃

(Also, I own the jacket, and Joey said it's cool I own something he wore and get to make look cool again, but it's so goddamn big on my 5 foot self,,,,,,)

✨Honorable mentions✨

Sergio's design from the SAF Kickstarter, just look at this boy, peak villain Joey design 💣💼

Dash Gunfire, who I've named most of my plushies after and have a crack theory about 🐇🤍🐇🤍 (He and Agent Curt Mega are related. No I won't elaborate, iykyk)

Tripp, the Brom's Babe who is definitely the most dramatic of the three 💞 (Also, I love these three in general??? Let them be gay and do crime and be probably terrible wing men to Brom) (Someone also ask me about all the headcanons I have about them, there's a lot)

Dracula Joey

I JUST LOVE ANYTHING DRACULA RELATED, OK?? ESPECIALLY IF IT'S RELATED TO THE BOOK! IDC IF HE ONLY APPEARED FOR 3 SECONDS, HE'S A REAL CHARACTER TO ME ❤🖤🧛‍♂️🥀

[shieldofiron]

Saf...

I know it's been done, probably a million times, but...

harringrove roommates AU, idiots in love, and everyone ELSE can see it but they're both absolutely oblivious until an outside throws the word boyfriend at them forcing them to reevaluate.

and go, would it be so bad? everything would remain the same, only there would be kissing now and other stuff.

and then maybe they would decide to pretend they still have no idea to see how long it would take Max and their friends to notice...

that was my 2.20am thoughts.

going to bed now

ily

LOL also yet again, your one thought is like a whooooole enchilada longfic, my friend. And I have so many of those cooking. But I was inspired to write a little snippet of this. Consider it a slice of their weird little life.

---

"I think I'm going to go on a porn fast."

There's no reason for Robin to give him that look. They talk about everything. He helped her check herself when she had an ingrown hair that she thought was an STD, for God's sake.

"What?" Steve frowned.

"A porn fast." She looked absolutely disgusted. He was talking about less porn, what was her problem.

"Yeah. Like 30 days, no porn," Steve shook his head, "I just feel like I'm doing it too much, you know. I'm gonna get carpal tunnel."

"Are you going to move out?" She smirked.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"What it means, Dingus-"

She paused when Billy waltzed in and pulled out one earbud, tiny shorts hiked up so high they were basically underwear, glistening from his workout.

"Have you seen my water cup?" Billy's chest was heaving, a drip of sweat sliding down the center of his chest towards his happy trail.

"You mean your basic white girl cup?" Steve rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever, Pretty Boy. It's huge and it stays cold as fuck," Billy leaned in to where Steve sat at their tiny breakfast nook, and smirked, "I've seen you steal a sip."

"As if," Steve scoffed, "Robin he's obsessed with one of those huge Stanley cups."

"That is a basic bitch move," Robin shrugged, "He's got you Billy."

"Yeah he does," Billy licked along his lower lip, "You've seen it. C'mon, baby, tell me."

Steve sighed, "I washed it, because you never do. It's over there."

Billy snuck in close for a kiss on the cheek, and heat washed over Steve's body, probably from Billy standing so damn close after lifting. He was like a furnace, and Steve had fallen asleep with him enough on the couch to know.

"Thanks, Pretty Boy."

Steve watched Billy pop in his air bud, and assemble and fill his cup for a moment, shaking his booty to whatever his dumb workout mix was, only to be brought out of it when Robin pinched him.

"Don't know how you're gonna do a porn fast with your fucking boyfriend doing a playgirl shoot all around your apartment."

Steve's mouth fell open, "He's my roommate."

"Yeah. And you stare at him and jack off all the time because you feel sooo normal about that."

Steve kicked her weakly under the table, not even able to speak. He wasn't that way about Billy. Couldn't be. That was his roommate.

Later that night after Robin had gone home, he was curled up on the couch next to Billy's furnace of a body.

"Have you even had a sip of water all day?" Billy asked, eyeing Steve's diet coke.

"Yes, I have," He hadn't, "chill, you water obsessed freak."

Billy shoved the clear straw of his enormous silver cup in Steve's face, "Drink."

There shouldn't be something stirring in his stomach when Billy said shit like that. There shouldn't be...

"Good Boy," Billy said in a low laughing voice.

Billy wasn't his boyfriend. Nor was he porn.

But God help him, Steve was realizing he wanted him to be a little of both.

[wordsformizu]

Your Father's Daughter

Mizu x Reader story

Word count: 2.6K

Chapter 5

You considered the bell wrapped around his energetic apprentice a genuine blessing as it would have probably been harder to find this samurai. He moves with ease, slipping in and out of crowds like wind and never draws much attention to himself. You haven't even gotten the chance to hear his voice, and you wondered if he was possibly mute and that’s why he had the bobbling man accompany him. He looked in no one specific direction, and kept his head lowered most of the time, but judging from his actions day by day you could tell he was a determined man on a mission. 

Since you had found him a few days ago, you made sure to watch his every move. What he did throughout the day, what he ate, even where he decided to rest his head. He would consume his food with a rapid speed that peeked your interest into his past. You knew that look on his face, the glint of light in his eyes that only lasted brief moments, the firmness of his grip on his bowls. He ate like a child who didn't have much. A child that wasn't used to the belly filling joy of a warm meal made with love and talent. That kind of habit is hard to break, especially without the proper etiquette training. You noted this privately, in case you needed it. His rest periods were short, as he often stayed up most nights. Staring off somewhere in a corner or out into the dark night. You wished to catch him training. His swordsmanship must be impressive as it was rumored that he had beat the Four Fangs, but you hadn't been blessed with the opportunity to see him in combat. You hoped you would so you could study his movements and save that knowledge for later. If you knew how he fought, you could adjust your fighting to his movements and one up him or escape in case of an emergency. Yes, your father told you to return home and you would, but not without any useful information on the samurai.

 For a while, you wondered if he knew the location of your father. He was heading somewhere, but you just didn't know exactly where. The same as you, he had a mission to accomplish but his direction was unknown to you and he was unknown of you. You were confident in your fathers protection of himself and his residence, there was no way he would find him so swiftly and easily and even if he had he would be a fool to try and enter. They’d kill him before he could enter. If it was up to you, you’d kill before he even approached the door. 

You slept lightly, you followed closely, you ate when he ate, and listened to his apprentice speak when it seemed he wasn't. You became his shadow. No, closer than his shadow and even less noticeable. You became the air that surrounded him with the desire to suffocate his lungs with every breath he took. 

“And Master I would suggest that on our adventure, we stop by a few of the places that I’ve heard about-” His apprentice was speaking to him with the excitement of a pup and you often wondered how old he was. He was so youthful in presence, but he had to be older than the man he looked up to figuratively. You wondered how they had ever bumped into each other, and what an odd dynamic duo they had. For someone so cold and distant to attract this childish grown man was beyond you. They were opposites in every way, and yet they were inseparable. Your father wouldn't have liked him. He would have been polite, but would have him disposed of him  swiftly. There was no room at the table for men who couldn't be men; because he was associated with the man labeled ‘demon’ you decided you didn't like him either. What hand would he have in the attempted assassination of your father, you thought to yourself.

“There's a sento not too far from here. I hear they have the softest yukata that you could just  fall asleep in.” The apprentice coo’d. 

“I bet if we paid real good money, they would let you have your own area so your secret would be saf-” He was silenced by a sharp head turn, followed by an even sharper glare. The blood under his skin made his face shine a bright red of shame, and his eyes lowered themselves to the ground, no longer able to meet his Master’s blue’s. He had said something out of turn, and was now being punished with an even colder silence than before. After a few quiet moments, a deep sigh was released and he soon stood from the table to leave the room. No words were spoken from the apprentice, so you followed the samurai to wherever his next location would be. It seemed to be outside so you made your way around the building side. A long time ago, you learned to climb buildings and with years of practice you could find your way to a rooftop with ease. Here is where you decided to watch from as he walked into the fresh air. 

He removed his hat which allowed you to view more of the face he preferred to keep hidden. His features were angular, and even though he was hidden in his old re-stitched clothing that shielded his body like a tent, he was built very slender for a man, making him sharp appearing. You could tell he was young, but the furrowed scowl that seemed to never leave his face aged him. His features were a combination of two people who didn't come from the same land. You could tell he was of Japanese descent with his dark hair and tint to his skin, but something was off. Though his hair was the color of ravens feathers, it would lay in a strange way, curling here and there; and his nose was sharper, protruding his face outwards. The most obvious were his eyes. They were rounder, and blue like the men had said they would be in the Kamizumii’s residency. A light piercing blue that reminded you of when the ocean calms, but nothing about what layed in his eyes were calm. There was no rest in his soul, and no shade of glasses could hide that. What secret could he have and was it what made him this way? Why couldn't it have been brought up in the previous conversation when it was just the two of them. You could have used whatever that information was, but would it have been useful? It didn't surprise you that he would carry a secret or two. A man of his status and reputation probably bore many, but what could he be hiding. He was very  odd to you. You prided yourself in your observation skills and how easy it was reading the souls of others. It’s what made you so skilled at the tasks your father would send you out to complete. Now you crouched on the rooftop of a small Inn with coldness biting at your fingertips and little to no information on this person.  Another person you had never seen before, but that didn't matter. He wouldn't be around for long. You couldn't wait until he was no longer a problem.

The bells of his apprentice rang, alerting you both of his presence. He didn't turn to the sound, keeping his eyes forward and off into the distance. 

“Master..” The sound of shame followed behind his words as he called out to the man. 

“I’m finished with the meal. I think you will be pleased with this one.” 

A few moments of silence passed before he let out a sigh, lifted his frames back onto the bridge of his nose, and turned back in the direction of the building. 

It continued this way for a few more days. You trailed behind them as they moved further and further into the distance. You found yourself in a new town at one point, but it never brought you any anxious feeling of losing your way back. There was nothing that could stop you from finding your way back home, back to your father. 

Every town was practically the same. Busy adults, unattended children, loud, commotion, slipping into the night. You expected this one to be like any other which was a comfort to you. You could focus on gathering more information on your target rather than watching your surroundings for any surprises. 

They moved how they did in the town before. Swift, cautious, one silent and the other speaking. The large one had spoken to a few strangers along the way, asking the town dwellers questions or just carrying a small conversation with whoever would. He was more than happy to carry a conversation, and you could see it on his face. You wondered how someone like him could trail behind this silent stick of a person and still maintain a smile on one's face. All he did was scowl and glare, headed down the path of murder and leaving behind destruction and chaos. With each light footstep, he tore apart families and replaced those empty spots with grief. His greed for blood and death was unquenchable. He walked in a direction you didn't understand, and his cloud of an apprentice floated behind him obediently. You came to the conclusion a while ago that he possibly followed him for two reasons. He was forced to, or he didn't have a mind of his own. Sometimes the conversations he would bring up made you think it was the latter.

Sometimes thinking about your target sent your mind into a dark spiral. The lack of information you were getting was infuriating. You didn't even know what his voice sounded like. Was he a mute? Two disabled men aiding each other throughout Japan perhaps? What would he have said if he could speak? 

It didn't help that the street they had decided to take was extra crowded today. People, horses, carriages, children dashing between the legs of all and their giggles adding to the noises in the air. It was all becoming too much for your senses, but you had to stay focused. You slipped behind buildings, stepped over children, bumped into strangers who were too busy to notice you as another human being, but you still couldn't get as close as you would have liked to. You were peering over the shoulders and leaning by the sides of many strangers and it was beginning to make your skin hot. You wouldn't lose them, but God if you did in this crowd…

You got another chance to glance at them behind some strangers' sleeved arms. The large bubble leaned down, his head tilted towards his Master as he muttered into his ears. The samurai was speaking. After days of following him in mutual silence, and he decided now was the time to speak. In the middle of a busy crowded street where you were too far to hear what was being said. You felt your eyebrow twitch in frustration, and you lowered your head, ready to pierce through the crowd from any angle. Getting close had become an even more important priority and was now on the top of your list. Now that you knew he wasn't a mute, you didn't want to miss out at another chance to hear him speak. 

The scents of all the different people swarmed you, and their clothes surrounded you with all their different textures but determination had taken foot. You would swim through this crowd and catch up to the soul-stained Samurai and his apprentice. 

“Excuse me, Miss.” A voice rang behind you. 

His apprentice stood a few inches from you, towering over you with great height and a warm smile on his face. His presence startled you, and you were rarely caught off guard. 

“My master and I are looking for this sento building here. He said we could go if I knew where it was, and I don’t know where it is-” he rambled while your mind tried to refocus and make sense of this. He was just a few feet in front of you, standing right behind your target. How was he able to slip through the crowd unnoticed? How was he able to get to you so quickly? 

The realization connected in your mind, and sent a rush of cold through your blood streams, giving your body a sudden chill. You didn’t hear the bell. You couldn't hear the bell, and when you glanced down at his ankles you felt your stomach sink. The bell wasn't there. Did it fall off?

“My master said I should ask the locals and said you looked like you would know where we could find one! He’s awfully tired and it’s up to me as his app-” 

The bell was removed. It clicked for you then. The roles had been reversed. While this giant baby man stood before you rambling about pleasing his master, you could hear your heartbeat in your skull and your blood in your ears. Your eyes dashed from one side of the street to the next.

“Oh no, miss, are you okay? I mean no harm! If you know where we can find one-”

If he knew where his apprentice was to send him in your direction, he knew where you were. How was he able to pick up on you? Especially in this crowd. Was it here or earlier? Where did you mess up? You don’t mess up. You're your father’s little mouse, but most importantly  the shadow of the sun. This was your playing field and you're skilled in this. No one had been able to catch you and live. You started to notice something else wasn't right about this. He was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't in the spot he was before, and he was nowhere near his apprentice.

A bell. Small, but noticeable. Right by your ear coming from the alley you stood by. Each delicate ring lowered your body temperature. 

You turned your body, prepared to dash through the crowd. You had already formed an escape plan as your brain was always ready for these moments. Shifting your weight, you began your run but you only took two steps before firm hands gripped your arms and lifted your body into the air. It was so fast  it almost put you into shock. You were being dragged in the direction of the alley, into its darkness. This wouldn't be where you’d die. In an alley covered in mud and flies like a piece of forgotten meat. Lifting your legs, you decided to make him dragging you to your next location as difficult as possible. You adjusted your body, turning as sharply as possible in hopes to fight his grasp and swung your foot upwards. You’d propel off his leg and use the momentum to make contact with his face to catch him off his guard and hopefully drop you. You were the perfect size for moves like this, fast and very flexible. If anyone could pull this off, it was you and it had worked before, removing you from the grasps of enemies and stunning them. While you were mid-air, he turned with you and used your weight against you to tackle and pin you down with his chest, crushing the air out of you through your back. With a loud grunt coming from the both of you, you made contact with the ground quickly, and your vision began to darken.

“Master! I think she was about to tell me-..”