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goldfades · 4 months

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★ THE HARD DECISIONS LEAD TO THE GREATEST REWARDS ─── prologue

─ pairing | paige bueckers x fem!reader

─ word count | 2.4k words

─ warnings | unedited, some angst, coach misunderstandings and the feeling of being alienated, transfer-talk, nothing else? little r and p content but this is just the foundation, there will be a lot more coming!

─ ev's notes | as you guys know (OBVIOUSLY) my inbox is open for thoughts on this series and i'd love to know what you think so far, and maybe ideas for future chapters or even the plot itself since i don't have everything figured out just yet. anyways, hope you enjoy this prologue! ily all! mwah mwah

⇨ missing out on updates? check out the masterlist for my series!

May 2022

In a surprising turn of events, collegiate basketball powerhouse UConn has just secured a major coup with the addition of Y/N L/N to their roster. Y/N, once hailed as one of the brightest prospects in the 2021 recruiting class, has announced her decision to transfer from Arizona to UConn.

The news of Y/N's transfer from Arizona to UConn has sent shockwaves through the community, sparking speculation and excitement about the impact she will have on her new team. The timing of Y/N's decision, coming just weeks after the Wildcat's loss to UConn in the NCAA tournament, has led some to speculate about the impact of that defeat on her choice to transfer.

At UConn, Y/N will join a storied basketball program led by legendary coach Geno Auriemma. The Huskies, known for their tradition of excellence and strong team culture, offer Y/N the opportunity for a fresh start and a chance to rediscover her passion for the game.

"We're thrilled to welcome Y/N to the UConn family," says head coach Geno Auriemma. "She's a dynamic player with a bright future ahead of her, and we can't wait to see what she brings to the team."

──

March 2022

The buzzer echoed throughout the court and the UConn girls cheered loudly as they ran up to their teammates on the bench. You felt a lump form in your throat as you swallowed back the tears, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

Slumping onto the bench, you buried your face in your hands, the sting of tears threatening to overwhelm you. It wasn't just about the loss, though that certainly stung ─ it was the culmination of months of frustration, of feeling like you were fighting an uphill battle with no end in sight.

You had come to the U of A with high hopes and big dreams, but somewhere along the way, it had all started to unravel. Your coach, once a source of inspiration, now felt like an obstacle standing in the way of your growth. And the teammates, once friends and supposed allies, now seemed more like strangers, each focused solely on their own ambitions.

Inside the locker room, the atmosphere was heavy. Players sat in silence, their faces reflecting a mixture of disappointment and frustration. Coach Johnson's voice cut through the silence, his words measured and deliberate as he addressed the team.

"Look, we gave it our all out there," he began, his tone firm. "But sometimes, the game just doesn't go our way. That's fine, there's always next year and we'll come back strong. Practice is still on for tomorrow morning, 5am to 9am"

Coach Johnson's announcement of another early morning practice felt like a punch to the gut. It was a reminder of everything that had gone wrong, of the sacrifices you had made in pursuit of a dream that no longer felt like your own.

As your teammates exchanged weary glances, you felt a surge of frustration rising within you. Was this all there was to it? Endless hours of practice, sacrifices made in pursuit of a goal that felt increasingly out of reach?

As the team dispersed, heading back to their dorms and apartments, you lingered in the locker room, the weight of the decision you had been wrestling with growing heavier with each passing moment. It wasn't just about one tough loss or a grueling practice schedule ─ it was about reclaiming your sense of purpose, your love for the game that had once been your escape.

"Fuck," you grumbled as you felt the tears fall. You sniffled as you got up from the bench, reaching for your backpack as you began walking out of the locker-room.

You heard the court doors open and some laughter, you held your breath as you ignored the annoyance that filled your stomach. You focused on your feet as you walked, not really watching where you were heading until─you collided with someone, jolting you out of your reverie.

"Oh shit, my bad," the blonde's voice echoed as she glanced at her teammates, giving you a thin lipped smile as she recognized you from the game. She was wearing a UConn jersey as she steadied you with a hand on your shoulder. "Sorry,"

You nodded quickly, wiping your eyes and trying to compose yourself. "You're good," you muttered, avoiding her gaze.

The blonde hesitated for a moment before offering a genuine smile. "Hey, you're a good player. We were all impressed out there. Keep your head up."

You managed a small smile in return. "Thanks."

As she rejoined her teammates and they disappeared down the hallway, you felt a strange mixture of emotions ─ regret for the loss, but also a flicker of hope from her unexpected kindness.

──

"What are you suggesting?" You asked as you met Coach Lindsay's gaze, your expression confused as she sighed ─ you knew what she was suggesting. "A transfer?"

Lindsay nodded, her expression somber. "I hate to say it, Y/N, but I think it might be the best option for you," she said, her voice gentle but firm. "It's clear that things haven't been working out here at Arizona. The coach, the team dynamic and now the whole Alyssa thing... it's all been weighing you down."

You let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. The idea of transferring had been lingering in the back of your mind for weeks now, but hearing it spoken aloud made it feel all too real.

"I just don't know if I can do it," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I've put so much into this program. Leaving feels like admitting defeat."

Lindsay reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder, her touch reassuring. "It's not about admitting defeat, Y/N. It's about taking control of your own happiness. You deserve to be somewhere where you can thrive, where you can be supported and valued for who you are."

Her words struck a chord deep within you. For too long, you had allowed yourself to be consumed by the expectations of others, sacrificing your own well-being in pursuit of a dream that no longer felt attainable.

Lindsay hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I'm not supposed to say anything but I've heard talk about UConn being interested in you. They've got a great program, and Coach Geno is one of the best. All you have to do is agree and just trust in the process, babe."

"UConn?" you repeated, the word feeling foreign yet oddly enticing on your tongue.

Lindsay nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Yeah. I mean, nothing's set in stone, but it could be worth exploring. Just think about it, Y/N. You will get drafted to the WNBA if you are at a powerhouse like UConn, especially with your talent."

You couldn't believe it ─ your own assistant coach was telling you to transfer. Was your situation at Arizona truly as bad as Lindsay seemed to suggest? You glanced around the locker room, the familiar sights and sounds suddenly feeling suffocating. Had it really come to this? Were things truly as toxic as they seemed, or were you just overreacting?

As you thought about her words, memories of the past few months flooded your mind ─ the grueling practices, the weird relationships (if you could even call them that) with teammates, the constant pressure to perform. Each moment felt like a weight dragging you down, sapping away your passion and drive.

And yet, amidst the uncertainty, there was a glimmer of hope. The possibility of a fresh start at UConn, of rediscovering your love for the game and reaching your full potential felt right.

Lindsay's voice broke through your thoughts, pulling you back to the present. "I know it's a lot to take in, Y/N. But sometimes, the hardest decisions lead to the greatest rewards. Just trust in yourself and follow your heart."

"Maybe you're right," you admitted, the words feeling like a weight lifted from your shoulders. "Maybe it's time for a change."

Lindsay smiled, her eyes shining with pride. "I'm proud of you, Y/N. It takes courage to admit when something isn't working and to take steps to change it. Whatever you decide, just know that I'll be here to support you every step of the way."

🚨 ESPN | BREAKING: Top Prospect Y/N L/N Commits to UConn Transfer 🚨 Y/N L/N, widely regarded as one of the most promising players in the 2021 recruiting class, joins UConn with high expectations. With UConn's storied basketball program and renowned head coach Geno Auriemma at the helm, Y/N's transfer promises to shake up the landscape of women's college basketball.

You glanced down at the notification on your phone, a nervous knot forming in the pit of your stomach. The news of your transfer had spread like wildfire, and now, seeing it plastered across the screen of your phone, it felt all too real.

You took a deep breath, reminding yourself of the reasons behind your decision to transfer. The toxic atmosphere at Arizona, the strained relationships with teammates, the relentless pressure from coaches ─ it had all taken its toll, slowly suffocating your love for the game.

But now, with the opportunity to join UConn, you felt a flicker of hope reignite within you. Here was a chance for a fresh start, a chance to rediscover your passion for basketball and thrive in an environment where your talents would be appreciated and nurtured.

──

"Okay, listen up!" Coach Geno's voice echoed throughout the room, earning the attention of the girls on the team. You stood by the shorter man and somehow, you still felt small underneath his towering presence.

"As you all know," Coach Geno continued, his eyes scanning the faces of each player, "we've got a new addition to the team. Y/N, I want you to know that you're not just joining a team here at UConn ─ you're joining a family. We look out for each other, we support each other, and we push each other to be the best we can be."

"You guys all already know who she is, I know you did your research." His lips quirked up into a small smile as the girls exchanged amused glances within the team. A ripple of laughter spread through the room at his remark, breaking the tension and easing the nerves that had been swirling in your stomach.

"As for you, Y/N," Coach Geno continued, turning his attention back to you, "I want you to know that we're thrilled to have you here. Your talent speaks for itself, but what's even more important is your commitment to the team and your willingness to work hard."

As Coach Geno's words sank in, you couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement mixed with a hint of nervousness. Being welcomed into the UConn family by none other than Coach Geno himself was an honor beyond words.

With Coach Geno's words echoing in your mind, you joined your teammates in a huddle, ready to embark on this new chapter of your life. And as the team broke apart with a chant, you couldn't help but feel a surge of anticipation for the season ahead.

──

"And uh, don't eat Azzi's protein bars. She gets angry when she doesn't get her gainz," Paige remarked as Azzi sent her a glare. Everyone at the table giggled at that as you nodded, glancing toward Azzi.

Azzi sighed. "I think that's like common courtesy, P. Y/N knows better than that,"

"Of course, Azzi. I'll make sure to steer clear of your protein bars," you replied with a playful grin, earning a relieved smile from Azzi in return.

"What else..." Paige hummed as she ate chewed on her food, glancing around the table.

"Oh wait, I got one. If Coach tells you to run suicides, just do them without complaining," Aaliyah chimed in, her tone teasing but with a hint of seriousness.

"And make sure you hydrate," Nika added with a smirk, raising her water bottle in emphasis. "Especially during those conditioning drills Coach loves to throw at us."

As laughter erupted around the table, you couldn't help but feel a sense of camaraderie and belonging among your new teammates. "Of course, of course."

"And don't come to practice hungover, Coach will notice and he'll force everyone to run laps," Paige added as she shivered, earning a laugh from Aubrey. "Better for everyone if you just skip,"

"I think you need that advice more than anyone, Paige," Aubrey added as she nudged Paige playfully, eliciting more laughter from the group.

Paige mock-glared at Aubrey before joining in the laughter herself. "Hey, I've learned my lesson the hard way. Trust me, nobody wants to run laps hungover. I'm tryna make sure she doesn't get too carried away, she's from U of A, that's like party central."

You shrugged, a smile playing on your lips. "She's not wrong, if there's one thing I'll miss it'll be the insane parties at Kappa Sigma."

"Ooh, so you're a frat girly?" Aaliyah teased, raising an eyebrow playfully as she leaned in with interest.

You laughed, shaking your head. "Not exactly. Frat boys aren't really my thing," you smiled as you looked down at your plate. "Neither are guys, really."

Paige hummed in response as she smirked, raising her cup in a mock toast as Aaliyah's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but her expression quickly softened into understanding. "Ah, got it. Well, good thing UConn has plenty of other things to offer besides frat parties."

"Yeah, like winning championships," Nika chimed in with a grin, nudging you playfully. "And having the best teammates in the world," she continued, earning a chorus of laughs and "awws".

"Look at Nika getting all sappy," Paige mocked as Nika sent her a glare, earning another round of laughter from the table.

Nika rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the smile tugging at her lips. "Okay, shut up Paige,"

"No, you first."

"I asked first, Paige."

"I don't care, shut up."

"No, you-"

"Okay, that's enough." Azzi sent you a thin-lipped smile as you laughed, enjoying the playful banter between Paige and Nika.

You felt yourself settle into the team more and more with each passing moment, the laughter and camaraderie of your teammates easing any lingering nerves or doubts. As you listened to their stories and shared your own, you couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging wash over you.

These were your teammates, your friends, your family away from home. And as you laughed and joked with them, you knew that you had found a place where you truly belonged.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

#paige bueckers x reader #paige buckets #paige bueckers #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers fic #uconn #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #paige bueckers fluff #uconn wbb x reader #uconn women’s basketball #wcbb x reader #wbb x reader #ncaa wbb #ncaaw

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mammalsofaction · 6 months

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Imagine human!Perry getting hit with the molecular separator. Set during the events of 'Split Personality'

-That morning when Candace was wrestling with the separator and accidentally separates herself, the machine smashes into a rock and begins to malfunction. She doesn't notice, what with suddenly being two people with wildly contradicting priorities and all.

-But when Perry steps out into the backyard to head into his hideout, stepping onto the very same rock-a trigger for his lair, the machine descends down with him. Perry lands in his seat, but the machine activates upon impact to the floor and hits him with it before it sputters out and dies. Monogram is greeted with two distinct Perrys; Agent P, professional hardass and lone wolf dedicated in the pursuit of justice and fighting evil (specifically Doof); and Uncle Perry, a mellow headed novelist who sleeps a lot and really doesn't do much, but loves the kids with all his heart.

-If both men get caught in public and outs OWCA, it could decimate Perry's cover and invite all sort of legal and coverup catastrophes. Monogram demands Carl chase them and fix it.

-Instead of the Look-Away Inator, it's a Vanessa week and Doof has cooked up another harebrained scheme to take over the Tri State Area, but first! Buying parts at the mall with his daughter :3 Bonding time.

-So Agent P storms to the Mall to defeat Evil and Uncle Perry goes to the mall because all his kids (Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Vanessa) are there!

-Cue four part musical number with Romantic Candace, Busting Candace, Agent P and Uncle Perry while PnF and Carl are trying to chase Candace and Perry around the mall, while Linda and Doof remain perfectly oblivious.

-At one point Vanessa separates from her dad to go look at some new knee high goth stomping boots, and Agent P gets to her first. He gets all up in her face, interrogating her on her father and where he's going and what he's planning, and Vanessa-miffed-goes "What is going ON with you today" and Agent P is like "That's none of your business, Doofenshmirtz." Spitting out her last name like it's something disgusting. He's never referred to her like that before: Perry has ALWAYS made a point to separate her from her father, and emphasize that she was her own person. Agent P storms off and leaves her behind feeling hurt and confused and 40% sure that was NOT the Perry she knows and loves.

-Barely a moment after he leaves Uncle Perry stumbles inside the shop, looking winded and worried before he spots her and breathes this huge sigh of relief. He notes that Vanessa looks spooked, and Vanessa is making that math calculation meme look as Perry checks her up and looks her over until she convinces him that she's fine and she hadn't been hurt. She knows Perry was a softy on the inside, but she's getting whiplash from the sheer difference between him NOW and the him that just spit in her face 5 minutes ago. Not to mention they're dressed COMPLETELY different, and she's never seen him dressed like THIS before. An old battered denim jacket with old band patches over a slightly washed out ducky momo tshirt, khaki shorts and crocs. Hes wearing glasses, and his hair uncombed and unruly. If she was any measure as face blind as her father, they would be two completely different people despite the teal hair, and she wouldn't have recognised him at all.

-She's beginning to suspect they ARE different people. Sthg smells FISHY.

-She off handedly mentions that her father is making a SUPER evil contraption that could completely isolate her uncle. He's on his way home right now.

-Ducky Momo Perry just looks at her with this confused, slightly amused "ok, and?" Look like he's not sure what to do with this information, and just asks if she needs a ride home? If she can just wait until he collects the rest of his kids (he has kids?????) he can drop her off at her father's. They could even get slushy dog otw out maybe?

-She asks if he doesn't want to stop her father's evildoing maybe, and Perry's like no???? Im just a novelist, I dont do much. I dont go out busting evil, that's Other Me's job, and Vanessa's Something Is Off senses just goes BLARING like What Does He Mean.

-Perry checks something on his phone though, and notes with concern it is so LATE, and he needs to make Lunch, oh the kids must be starving he HAS to look for them, and takes off with a kiss to Vanessa's cheek requesting her to meet her at Slushy Dog so he can take her home.

-After he leaves, Vanessa walks out with her mind going A Mile A Minute and spots the Carl The Intern that Monty had once introduced her to. She waves him over, and he asks, nervously, if she had seen "Agent P" around. It's child's play to pressure him into telling her that Agent Perry the Platypus had accidentally been molecularly separated into individually embodying each side of his double life. One where he is known as Uncle Perry of the Flynn Fletcher household, and Secret Agent P the enactor of Justice.

-They had to put the two of them together, else OWCA could risk Perry's cover to be blown, and he would have to be relocated.

-She doesn't want this! She tells Carl that she had already told Agent P that her father had gone home to enact his Evil Plan so she's sure he's going to be at DEI, and she's going to persuade Uncle Perry to send her up. Carl will have to meet them there with the repaired separator and blast them back together.

-She finds Uncle Perry at Slushy Dog, talking to that blonde kid behind the counter that she's pretty sure is Candace Flynn's boyfriend and Perry introduces him as Jeremy Johnson, who had told him Phineas, Ferb and Candace had gone home with their mother. Jeremy seems to vaguely recognise her, at least. Perry introduces her as his "Partner's daughter, Vanessa." Which, okay, they are so pressed for time to unpack that right this second. The implications don't seem to miss Jeremy, either; he looks too stunned to speak. She doubts Jeremy had known Perry was dating anybody. Heck, she didn't know until right that second either. She is SOOOOO bringing this back up once Perry was back to normal.

-She tells Perry that her dad was making her favourite doonkelberry pie for lunch and he just called her and said Perry was invited so won't he please send her home? Perry blushes a little, most likely at the thought of her dad inviting him over to lunch, Jeremy looks arrested and wide eyed like he's piecing things together in his head and Vanessa is only a little bit sorry about the mess Normal Perry is going to have to come home to when he reports home to his mother.

-As Uncle Perry drives her home, Vanessa implicitly understands Carl and Monogram's concerns for the Agency's cover and OWCA's secrecy, because Uncle Perry has NO FILTER. She learns more about him in the half hour car ride (a battered Honda Accord) over than she ever has in the last 5 years she had known him. In a relaxed state, Perry talks in odd accent amalgam that he explains had been due to being raised in Australia, before moving to England with his sister when she married Lawrence, Ferb's dad. They were otherwise orphans who were integrated by OWCA at an incredibly young age, so the Fletchers became like family, and he had stayed even when his sister passed from an OWCA related incident (the one thing he seems hesitant to elaborate on) to help Lawrence Fletcher raise Ferb. He explains to her that prior to his nemesis-ship to her father, OWCA had demanded him work odd hours which weren't very kid friendly, which made him apply for a more stable schedule. Major Monogram got in contact and persuaded him to take up a nemesis-ship with his father in Danville, and when he moved, Lawrence and Ferb moved with him.

-Lawrence met Linda Flynn in Danville, who was a single mother of Candace and Phineas Flynn, and the rest was history.

-Vanessa had an inkling there was so much more lore she could uncover from that brief yet eye opening wealth of information, but she got distracted just learning more about Perry as a person and-apparently-how much more open he is about his adoration of her father without his concerns of professionalism as an OWCA agent. She knows he thinks her dad's cute, seems exasperated but fond and awed of his inventions, angry and sad about his childhood and past. Perry says he feels like he owes Heinz for so much, not least for getting to care about another brilliant kid, a point he emphasizes with a noogie to Vanessa's head. She feels all mushy and warm inside, but all too soon they have arrived at her father's penthouse doorstep, from which originated the sounds of cartoonish violence.

-Perry notes that her father must be busy, and Vanessa is abruptly reminded of her Mission. She reiterates her father's invitation to lunch, and practically drags Perry inside, praying that Carl had beat them there or was at least primed and aimed the Separator whatsit with a clear shot.

-Inside, Agent P is posed over her father, straddling his chest and he lies on his back on floor squirming and wriggling and noting that Perry the Platypus is being strangely intense today. Agent P is sporting a good few scrapes of his own, implying that her father had given as good as he got, but even with his scowl and a fist pulled back, it's a awkward configuration to catch her dad in. It's not even the first time it happens, but it's SO weird to see every time. Her dad never seems to notice the kind of picture it paints.

-Vanessa doesn't even need to do anything to shove the two halves of Perry together, because Uncle Perry had stormed forward with a beet red face pulling Agent P off of his Heinz, demanding to know what it is that he's doing. It seems to set them both like nothing else, because they are suddenly in a full blown fight with each other (Agent P accusing his other half that he was Consorting With The Enemy, and Uncle Perry hissing about he could've seriously hurt them Heinz and Vanessa BOTH, and this was why they never have any friends or nice things.)

-As Vanessa pulls her father away, she briefly worries that she had blown Perry's cover, until she notes that her dad's got two black eyes and muttering dizzily about seeing double. It's easy to coax him out to an adjacent room as she sees Carl the Intern sneaking inside the house through the still open front door with a machine that looks a like a camera. They give each other a thumbs up as the arguing increases to a fever pitch, one wrong word away before coming to blows, and Carl fires up the reverse of the Separator.

-The abrupt silence throughout the penthouse makes Vanessa's ears ring, but seeing only one dazed figure in the middle of the lab is such a wonderful relief. She watches him take note of his surroundings, a thoroughly defeated Heinz Doofenshmirtz and a thwarted Inator before reaching his own conclusions, and practically overlooks Carl, who takes the opportunity to slink back out the apartment with a visible echoed sigh of relief.

-Vanessa watches as he darts over first to her wrecked and injured dad, hissing as he carefully assesses the injuries and bruises he had inflicted on the man himself that reminds her of the way his Uncle Perry Aspect had looked over HER in the mall-the visible care and concern Agent P disavows himself of. He's avoiding her gaze, and Vanessa figures out that he's embarrassed.

-She doesn't get the opportunity to say anything though, bc her dad comes to somewhat and realizes that Perry is by his side. Despite his wounds being inflicted Perry himself, he seems to tell that Perry's worried anyway, and requests that the agent carry him to his room to take a nap. Vanessa feels a little like she's interrupting, seeing the gentle way her dad takes Perry's hand, the softness in Perry's expression, the easy acquiescence as he heaves her father up in a bridal carry. Her dad is still mumbling nonsense, she hopes Perry will look him over for a concussion, but Perry catches her eye to nonverbally indicate-importantly-that they need to have a talk.

#perryshmirtz #heinz doofenshmirtz #choice of fic #human perry #perry the platypus #phineas and ferb

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growingstories · 7 months

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Drew Miller was a young man named and was the epitome of popularity in his high school, known for his charm, good looks, and his exceptional skills as a heavyweight wrestler. Drew was admired by all, and he relished the adoration he received.

But alas, Drew's dreams were shattered when a series of injuries forced him to quit wrestling. Without the rigorous training required to maintain his previous weight, Drew began to put on pounds. However, he couldn't bring himself to start losing weight, believing he could still shed the excess pounds later on.

Determined to move forward in life, Drew landed a job at an office. The daily routine of sitting, combined with his overindulgence in unhealthy snacks and meals, led to further weight gain. Drew's shirts grew tighter, making him feel frustrated and uncomfortable in his own skin. But instead of changing his eating habits, he found solace in food, seeking temporary relief from his mounting stresses and disappointments.

During this time, Drew met a young guy named Patrick, who also happened to be a wrestler from their high school. Patrick was determined to bulk up for his next wrestling weight class, and Drew, eager to remain a part of the wrestling scene, decided to eat alongside him. Patrick was extremely handsome and ripped. He was much smaller than Drew but had an amazing ripped shape.

As Andrew continued to stuff himself with food, the pounds continued to pile onto his already substantial figure. Meanwhile, Patrick achieved his desired bulk and moved up to the next weight class. Patrick loved being pushed by the bigger Drew and Drew loved the feeling of being the big one. Patrick often pushed Drew to eating more. Their sex was amazing.

Unfortunately, Drew's eating habits began to take a toll on his fitness, leaving him increasingly unfit. Despite his struggles, the two continued to enjoy a vibrant love life filled with passion and desire. However, Drew often found himself out of breath during their intimate encounters, making him aware of his declining physical condition. Simple tasks like tying his shoes became arduous challenges, and Drew couldn't ignore the impact his weight gain was having on his daily life. Also Patrick started noticing differences in his shape. He was getting stronger by the day but all this bulking made him to start losing his knife sharp abs but also his jeans became too tight as his legs had an amazing growth spurt. Which made Drew constantly wanting to squeeze Patricks ass and getting hornier all the time.

Patrick, faced a another battle. After a grueling lost match, he realized he needed to lose weight in order to compete in a lower weight class. Also coach advised him to either get much stronger or lose weight and thrive in a lighter weight class. Determined to achieve his goal, he embarked on a strict diet and intense training regimen. As Patrick tried to shed weight and grow stronger, Drew's eating and cooking habits remained unchanged. He continued to grow bigger, seemingly oblivious to the impact on his health and well-being. Despite his increasing size, Drew found immense joy in his life, basking in the love and acceptance he received from Patrick and others around him. But his cooking and caring for Patrick resulted in Patrick gaining more weight instead of a cut. His abs almost completely covered by a layer of fat. Realizing this he accepted his fate and decided to try to get stronger in a heavier weight class.

And so, their intertwined journey continued - Patrick striving to achieve his wrestling dreams by making sacrifices and become big and strong and staying disciplined, while Drew found comfort in his expanding girth, deciding to embrace his current body and live life to the fullest and take care of his bulking wrestler boyfriend.

#fictionalweightgain #maleweightgainstories #weightgain #weightgainstories #wg fantasy #maleweightgain #fictionalstories #exjock #wg fiction #aiweightgain

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firewasabeast · 2 months

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Carry the Burden

read on ao3 or below. 7.6k, tags: emotional hurt/comfort, mentions of past abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, depression, mentions of suicide, mentions of vomiting, love, care, no major character death

Summary:

With Buck, Tommy was an open book... mostly. There was one particular, very important chapter that he kept closed. He didn't bring up his childhood. Didn't mention his parents much. That was a part of his life no one but he and his therapist needed to know about. But a surprise visit from his father changes all that, and sends Tommy spiraling down a path he'd fought so hard to shun away.

They were on the couch, Buck laid out with his head on the arm rest and legs sprawled over Tommy's lap. Tommy had his own legs crossed and stretched out on the coffee table. Buck barely registered Tommy's phone buzzing as he reached and pulled it out of his pocket.

“Hm. Dad's in town.”

Tommy had been so nonchalant with his words that Buck was pretty sure he heard him wrong.

“What?” He asked as Tommy laid the phone beside him.

“My dad's here, apparently.” He didn't even look away from the TV as he spoke, keeping his focus on the basketball game.

They'd been sitting there for nearly half an hour now, Tommy watching the game while Buck did a deep dive on the history of mummification. It wasn't his first time researching the subject, but it was always good to get a refresher.

“Are you... are you going to see him?” Buck asked.

Tommy was an open book with Buck, mostly. It helped that Buck was always more than willing to share stories from his own past.

Tommy would talk about how he was a chubby kid growing up and got made fun of a lot for it. How he took up wrestling in high school. How he joined the military at seventeen, mostly to show his classmates just how strong he was. He'd go into detail about the missions he completed in the army, and the way it impacted his life to this day. He didn't shy away from who he was when he first became a firefighter. How he followed along with Gerrard because it was the easy thing to do. He made no excuses for himself.

Tommy talked about part of him wanting to stay at the 118 once Bobby came, but his past loomed over him like a dark cloud and, even though Hen and Chimney forgave him long ago, every time he walked into the station he was reminded of who he was and not who he wanted to be.

He talked about his first few weeks in therapy. How he went through three therapists before he found one he liked. How hard it was to come to terms with so many aspects of his life.

He still went to therapy, once a week, always on a Tuesday. That was one of his regular days off, and Buck knew there would always be a couple hours of radio silence from him then.

There was one aspect of his life that Tommy never really discussed in detail.

His parents.

It wasn't that he never mentioned them. Buck knew that his dad was not a good man, and that his mom died when he was young, but that's all Tommy had ever really said.

The scoff Tommy let out at Buck's question told him all he needed to know. “No, I- I will not be seeing him.”

Buck pushed himself up into a sitting position, bending his knees close to his chest. “How'd you find out he was in town?”

Tommy didn't have siblings. Didn't really have any extended family. None he was in regular contact with anyway.

“He texted me,” Tommy answered simply.

“I didn't even know he had your number.”

“Oh, he has it,” Tommy managed to look over at Buck and give him a grin that didn't quite reach the eyes, “he just rarely uses it.”

“But he is now?”

“Apparently.” Tommy turned back to the game, but Buck reached over and squeezed his forearm, regaining his attention.

“Hey, Tommy, use your words. I've never heard you mention your dad calling or texting you, but he suddenly is now? Is there a reason?”

Tommy sighed. He reached for his phone, unlocking it before handing it over to Buck. “That's all it says. He's not a man of many words,” he said, before mumbling out, “or many good words, at least.”

Buck read over the text:

In town. Let's talk. Stuff to figure out.

He handed Tommy his phone. “Are you gonna answer him, at least?”

Tommy shook his head. “No, I am not.”

“Aren't you a little curious...”

Buck's voice trailed off as Tommy reached for Buck's hand, gently tugging Buck towards him. Buck maneuvered himself until he was curled into Tommy's side, his head resting just below Tommy's shoulder. Tommy wrapped his arm around Buck, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I appreciate the concern,” he spoke quietly, “but this,” he added, lifting his phone, “is not happening.”

Buck understood issues with parents. He'd told that to Tommy so many times before. He'd gone over his life story time and time again, and Tommy always listened with the utmost care and consideration. He always seemed so happy for Buck too. Happy that he was able to, for the most part, work things out with his parents. They may not be on the best terms, and they'd probably never be what others considered a “close” family, but they were better. And that was good enough.

Still, Buck could tell that Tommy was done with the conversation, so he let it go.

“How much longer until the game is over?” he asked, changing the topic for Tommy's sake.

Tommy let out a laugh, shaking Buck slightly. “About ten minutes.”

Buck closed his eyes, settling further into Tommy's side, “Wake me up when it's over.”

*****

They'd been together six months now, had exchanged keys a couple months in, but Buck still felt a thrill every time he walked into Tommy's place knowing Tommy wouldn't actually be there yet.

Something about it just felt so domestic. And Buck loved that feeling.

They'd already discussed moving in together. If they both had a night off, they were never apart, instead switching between each place depending on what errands they had planned for the next day.

Buck had another two months to go on his lease, so they decided to hold out on actually moving in together until then. There was no reason to deny him getting his security deposit back, or being forced to pay rent for an apartment he was no longer living in.

Still, Buck preferred Tommy's house. It was an older place, and not very big, but it had a nice garage for working out and a good kitchen that Buck enjoyed cooking in.

Which was why he came to Tommy's today. Tommy was working, but he'd be off by six, and Buck wanted to have a good dinner ready for him to come home to. Bobby had given him a recipe for something called Marry Me Chicken, and well, who was Buck kidding, that was the ultimate goal.

They would be the first to admit they were a bit unconventional. Besides swapping keys two months into their relationship, they had discussed whether or not children were in their future on date number four.

Tommy never really let go of the fact Buck invited him to his sister's wedding after one failed date.

They had sex on Buck's balcony before they had it in his bed.

They said I love you for the first time in month three, when Buck was deathly ill with a stomach bug and somehow got vomit in his hair. Tommy got him in the shower, letting Buck rest all of his body weight on him as he cleaned him up. Wrapped in Tommy's arms, head resting on his chest, eyes closed as water and soap flowed down his body, and the taste of throw up still on his tongue no matter how many times he brushed and used mouthwash, he uttered out an “I love you” to Tommy. He didn't even care if Tommy said it back, but Tommy did. He pressed a kiss to Buck's temple, dragging a wash cloth down his back, and said, “I love you too, Evan. So much.” That wasn't just the day Buck knew he loved Tommy, it was the day he knew he wanted to marry Tommy.

And, no, the chicken wasn't going to be a proposal. That wouldn't be happening until after they had officially lived together for a while- which had been a discussion during date number six.

But the name of the recipe, the words marry me, made Buck feel soft in a way that almost felt ridiculous, especially since it was literally just a recipe for chicken breast.

Buck had just placed the chicken in the oven when there was a knock on the door.

He rolled his eyes. Tommy often came home with his hands full, opting to carry most of his items separately instead of placing them in his duffel.

“One of these days I'm not gonna answer,” Buck called out as he neared the door, “just to teach you a le- Oh.”

The words died out on his tongue when he was met at the door by an older man that was very much not Tommy.

This man had thirty or so years on Buck, and was a few inches taller too. He was broad- really broad. Like Tommy, but on steroids.

“Uh, sorry, I- I thought you were someone else,” Buck began after he collected himself. “Can I help you?”

“Is this Thomas Kinard's place?” The man's voice was gruff. The kind of voice you get after smoking a pack a day for years on end.

“It is.”

“You're not him.”

“I'm not.”

“Where is he?”

Well, this conversation was going swimmingly!

“I- I'm sorry, who... are you?”

“Right,” the man held out his hand, although the scowl on his face remained. “Charles Kinard.”

Buck couldn't hide the surprise on his face after hearing the name. He shook Charles' hand, which held on a bit too tightly. “Oh! Oh, you're Tommy's dad.”

“'S'what it says on the birth certificate.”

Once Charles let go, Buck moved out of the way, allowing him to come inside. “Come in. Sorry, I was, um, not expecting anyone. I'm Evan Buckley, um, Buck, by the way. Sorry.”

“You apologize a lot,” Charles noted as he walked farther into the house, eyes drifting around the place.

“Yeah, I- I know. Sor- uh, Tommy should be home pretty soon. He's been working. Was he... Did he know you were coming?”

He cringed at the question, knowing it was an odd thing to ask. He was still trying to catch up with what was going on. Tommy hadn't mentioned his father since three days ago, when he got the text he never answered. Maybe he had ended up answering and just never said anything to Buck, but that wasn't like Tommy.

“Not really,” Charles answered, finally turning to face Buck. “Who are you?” he asked, eying Buck up and down. Buck wasn't really sure if Charles was looking at him, or his apron, which he now remembered said, 'I like my meat rubbed, jerked, and pulled!'

Buck untied the apron and unceremoniously pulled it off of him, crumpling it up in his hand. He realized in that moment that he had no idea what Tommy's dad actually knew, or didn't know, about him. “I'm his friend,” he settled on, “from work.”

“You work together?”

Buck nodded. “Sort of. Different stations, but, yeah, um, yes we're both firefighters.”

“Mm.”

“Uh, why don't you have a seat,” Buck suggested, motioning toward the living room as he stepped closer to Charles. “Tommy won't be too much longer now.”

Charles moseyed into the living room, glancing around at the décor before taking a seat on the couch. “You come over and cook for your friend while he works?” Charles asked as Buck returned to the kitchen.

He wanted to text Tommy, or call him, and let him know what was happening, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't exactly talk about his dad while he was right in front of him, and Tommy wouldn't check a text when he was driving.

“I, uh, I like to cook,” Buck started, trying to think of an explanation that didn't sound too ridiculous. “And he's got a good kitchen, so I come over, um, sometimes to cook. I- I pay with food.” God, he was an idiot.

Another grunt like sound came from Charles, and Buck was about ninety percent sure he didn't buy it.

Buck wasn't sure how to communicate with the man. He was usually pretty good about stuff like this. He could make up random things to talk about with anyone, whether they wanted to hear it or not. But this was his boyfriend's father who didn't know for sure that Buck was Tommy's boyfriend, and all the questions that were coming to Buck's mind were only questions a significant other would ask their partner's parents.

“So, Mr. Kinard,” Buck began, beginning to slice a cucumber. He wasn't even planning on using a cucumber for anything tonight, but he needed something to do.

“Charles.”

“Charles, um, what... are you visiting LA?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, good. That's... that's good. I'm sure Tommy will be happy to see you.”

Yet another grunt. This one almost sounded like a snort. Buck leaned over slightly to get a look at the man, who was staring straight ahead, eyes fixed on the turned off TV in front of him.

“You should stay for dinner,” Buck suggested, hating himself as the words left his mouth. “There's gonna plenty.” That was true. He always made enough for leftovers.

“Okay.”

This truly was a man of few words.

Buck was just about to tell him he could turn on the TV and watch something when he heard the sound of keys jiggling in the doorknob.

The door opened before Buck could get to it.

“Oh my God, Evan, what smells so good? I could smell it from outside,” Tommy said, walking inside. Buck met him at the entryway.

“Just chicken. Um, Tommy-”

Tommy dropped his duffel at the door, “I even put my stuff in it this time,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows as he grabbed at Buck's shirt to pull him in for a kiss. Usually, Buck would've been thrilled. Told him it was about damn time and asked if he could take a picture to remember this moment forever.

Instead, he quickly pulled away from the kiss and unwrapped himself from Tommy's touch.

“We have a visitor, Tommy,” Buck said when he was met with a confused face. “You do, I mean.”

“I was wondering who's car was out front,” Tommy replied. “Figured the neighbors were having another party or something.”

“No, um, it's...” Buck's voice trailed off. He could tell Charles was somewhere behind him now. Could see that Tommy's eyes trailed from looking at him to looking at his father. Whatever was left of the smile on his face disappeared, his skin paling.

Part of Buck wished he could disappear. Just melt into the floor and turn into a puddle of goo.

The other part of him had the urge to stand between the two men forever, making sure Tommy was protected from whatever pain his father had obviously caused him.

Buck had never seen the look on Tommy's face before. It looked like fear and sadness, mixed with rage.

“What are you doing here?” Tommy asked as Buck stepped to the side to get out of the way.

“Well, hello to you too, TJ.”

TJ? That was new.

“Don't call me that. What are you doing here? How'd you find my house?”

The problem with where Buck was standing, was that he couldn't move toward the kitchen without walking directly in front of the two men, and he wasn't sure this was a good moment to move.

“I'm not an idiot. You own the place, I looked it up. I texted you when I got to town.”

“I know you did.” Tommy shrugged off his jacket, dropping it on top of his duffel bag. “Thought you'd get the hint when I didn't answer.”

“You know how I am with subtleties.”

“Not answering a single one of your texts for three years is not exactly subtle, Dad.”

Buck could not do this any longer. He could feel Charles' eyes on him and, if he was going to be Tommy's friend, he couldn't exactly go into protective-boyfriend mode.

“I'm gonna,” he pointed toward the kitchen, “just go over there.”

Tommy waited for Buck to be out of the room before continuing. “You need to go,” he said, staring his father dead in the eyes.

“Hm. Thought you wanted to know what I was doing here?”

“Decided I don't care.”

Charles smiled. It didn't reach his eyes the way Tommy's did. There were no laughter lines, no scrunched up nose. Just a meaningless smile. “You're lookin' good, TJ. Lower BMI than the last time I saw you. That's good.”

Buck wasn't sure if he was hearing things correctly. Who says that to their kid after not seeing them for years?

“And you're looking me in the eyes. You always struggled with that before.”

“It's easier now that I'm too big for you to hit.”

Buck sucked in a breath. It was impossible to not overhear the conversation. With the open floor plan, Buck could still see Charles, although he didn't have a view of Tommy.

Charles laughed. A deep, guttural laugh that made Buck feel uneasy. “You're never too big for that, T-”

“You need to go. Now.”

“Hang on a minute,” Charles said, waving Tommy off. “I gotta talk to you about my will.”

“I don't give a damn about your will.”

“I've got fifty acres of land in Colorado, TJ. Been in the family for generations.”

“You've got a double wide trailer on that dump of land and couldn't get rid of it if you tried. I don't want it.”

Buck could hear shuffling, so he quickly picked up a knife to make it look like he'd been chopping away at that same cucumber from earlier.

Tommy entered the kitchen, washing his hands at the sink before turning to Buck. “Need help with anything, Ev?”

“N- No, um, no, I'm good.”

“I'm not getting any younger, TJ.”

Tommy placed a hand on Buck's lower back. It was as though it was an anchor for him. Something to keep him steady.

He glared over at his dad. “You're still here?”

“Don't be dumb, Thomas. I'm not leaving until we talk about this. Besides, your friend here invited me for dinner.”

The hand on Buck's back stiffened, before being removed completely. He turned his head toward Buck. “You did?”

“I- I thought you two might, um, might want to catch up.”

He hoped Tommy could read between the lines. Hoped he understood what Buck was really trying to say.

“I felt like I had no other choice. This was really awkward, even for me, and I panicked. Please, don't hate me.”

“That's kind of you, Evan,” Tommy replied, his attention returning to his father, “but we don't have anything to catch up on.”

“Hey! Don't stand there acting like I'm the problem,” Charles said, crossing the room in three steps. Buck could feel Tommy stiffen beside him. “You're the one who left, not me! I've been the one contacting you. You can act like I'm a terrible father all you want, but I'm the one that helped you be something!”

“You didn't help me! I ran from you! I was seventeen years old, Dad, joining the army to get away from you!”

Buck wanted to say something. Wanted to kick the man out of the house, or at least hold up his bowl of finely chopped cucumber and ask if anyone wanted a bite.

But, this wasn't his house. Not yet, anyway. And, somehow, he felt responsible for this whole debacle. He couldn't stop thinking about how he should have done things differently. He shouldn't have let Charles in the house. Shouldn't have attempted to make conversation. Shouldn't have invited him to stay for dinner. Should have figured out a way to call and warn Tommy. Should have texted him anyway; maybe he would have read it before getting out of his truck.

“You know, I really should have known better,” Charles said, shaking his head. “Should have known you wouldn't want to help your old man out.”

“Help you out?” Tommy asked, exasperated. “I have done nothing but help you out for years! I bailed you out of jail three times. I paid your gambling debts for you. I took a second mortgage out on my home so I could pay your back taxes! If I didn't stop answering your messages, I'd be living on the streets! And now you want to come talk about a will? On property that you've nearly foreclosed on twice? I'm surprised you even have that place any-” he stopped mid sentence. Buck glanced over at him, worried something had happened.

“You're about to lose the property, aren't you?” Tommy asked. That made much more sense.

“Now, just listen-”

“You're really here to have me buy the property, and give you the money, so you can go blow it on booze and steroids and hookers and whatever else you feel like.”

“This is what family does, TJ,” Charles said, pointing at Tommy as he eyed him down. “They help each other when they're in need.”

“When have you ever helped me, Dad?” Tommy asked. His voice was different now. Resigned, almost. “Never.”

“I don't need to stand here and listen to these lies in front of your friend!”

Tommy scoffed. “I think you know he's more than a friend.”

“Yeah, I do know. He's been bumbling like an idiot since I got here.”

Buck could feel his face turning red. He wasn't embarrassed by Charles' words, more surprised by the man's lack of filter.

“Get out.” Tommy demanded. “Now!”

Charles moved even closer, a tight fist placed on the countertop of the island. “You owe me!” he spit out through gritted teeth. “The embarrassment you have caused me. Being the way you are, having to answer questions from my friends! I have been trying to knock sense into you for years!”

“Maybe I was too busy lying to doctors in the hospital for the sense to really get knocked in there!”

“Pathetic,” Charles said, before mumbling out, “like your mother.”

“Get out.” It was Buck's voice this time. It no longer mattered to him that this wasn't his home. He didn't care if he was overstepping. Tommy could be mad if he wanted.

For as little as Buck knew about Tommy's family, he did see the way Tommy's eyes got red and glassy when he mentioned his mom. How he'd clear his throat and say she was a good woman, a great mom, gone too soon. From what he'd pieced together on his own, it was a suicide.

Tommy had never said as much, but he came to Buck's after a particularly bad shift. Buck hadn't even been expecting him. He showed up at the door, eyes blank, mind somewhere far away. He'd even forgotten he had a key of his own.

He'd curled into Buck the second the door opened, arms tight around Buck's waist and head turned into the crook of his neck.

Buck squeezed him back just as tight. Asked if he was okay, accepted the silence in return. They stayed there for a while, until Buck was finally able to convince Tommy to move to the couch.

Tommy snuggled up to Buck's side the second they sat down. He laid his head on Buck's chest, one arm curled between them and the other resting over Buck's stomach. They'd rested like this before, but this was the first time Buck ever thought that Tommy looked small. Not physically, obviously, but the way he acted was like a child in desperate need of comfort.

So that's what Buck did.

It was the longest thirty minutes of silence before Tommy spoke. “I worked the ground today,” he explained through a shaky voice, making no effort to move off of Buck. “We were short-staffed. There was a call. A kid found... he found his mom. She was in the bathtub. She was already,” he swallowed down a sob, “she was gone already. He was freaking out. I waited un- until his dad got there to be with him.”

“That's terrible, Tommy,” Buck said, running a soothing hand up and down Tommy's bicep.

“It just... it reminded me-” he cut himself off, took a deep breath, “I like being in the air.”

Buck wasn't dumb. He could put together a puzzle that was missing half its pieces. He knew better than to press the issue. Knew what Tommy needed right now was simply to be held.

So he held him.

He held him until Tommy's breaths evened out and the sun had long set.

And now, with Charles in front of him, it was all Buck could think about. That moment replaying in his mind as Tommy's father spewed venom from across the counter.

“If you're not out of here in ten seconds, I'll call the police for trespassing, and you seem like the type who has warrants waiting for them.”

Charles opened his mouth to speak, but Buck grabbed for the phone in his pocket.

The older man held his hands up in surrender and, without another word, turned and left the house.

There were a few beats of silence before Buck spoke. “Tommy, I-”

“I need to go for a walk.” Tommy's voice was stoic.

Buck didn't like that. He followed behind Tommy as he headed for the door. “Do you want me to come with you?” he asked.

Tommy picked up his jacket and slipped it on. “No, I'm fine.”

“Tommy, I don't-”

Tommy stopped in the open doorway, hand still on the knob but halfway out the door already. “Evan, I'm fine,” he repeated. His voice wavered this time. Only slightly, but enough for Buck to catch it. “I just need a minute.”

Buck nodded, pursing his lips together. “Yeah, okay.”

He stood there long after the door had closed.

*****

A cool breeze filled the air as Tommy walked down his street. He stuck his hands in his jacket pockets as a chill came over him.

He was tense. He kept trying to make sense of the thoughts in his head, but everything felt all jumbled.

He'd been doing so well. Therapy had helped him work through so many of the issues he had with his dad. Had helped him cut off contact. He stopped enabling the man and set himself free of him.

The only reason he didn't block his dad's number was because he knew, one day, a police officer or one of his dad's deadbeat friends would be calling to say he was dead. Even if he cared nothing for the man, he'd still like to know when it was all over.

There were times Tommy would sit and think about the things he'd say if he ever came face to face with his dad again. He had a list. All the ways his dad had screwed him over throughout his entire life.

And then the one time he actually did come face to face with the man after all these years, he didn't say a single damn thing he'd written down.

He knew he'd never get the chance again.

Knew his dad wouldn't really care anyway. He never cared about the pain he caused, even when Tommy was a little kid.

His jaw tensed. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He didn't want to cry anyway. He wanted to be mad.

That's what his dad always got angry at him for. Tommy would get upset, and he'd cry. His dad would yell, and he'd cry. His dad would hit him, he'd cry. His dad would hit him harder because he was crying, he'd cry even more.

Kids at school would make fun of his weight.

His dad would make him run laps until he'd puke.

He'd avoid eye contact to try and not be noticed.

He'd cry.

Not now though. Now he could hold it in. He finally learned that as a teenager. Perfected it over time. His therapist helped him with that too; taught him not to hold in his emotions. For the most part, he didn't anymore, he'd let himself feel whatever he was feeling. Right now he needed to control something, and this was the something he could control.

So he didn't cry.

But he let himself be mad.

Because he was so damn mad.

Mad at himself.

Mad at his dad.

Mad at him showing up to his house, invading his safe space, a space that had been free and clear of the trauma of his youth.

Now, every time he'd step in that house he'd see his dad there.

He hated that.

As much as he hated to admit it, a part of him was mad at Buck too.

No, mad wasn't the right word.

Envious, maybe.

Every time Buck talked about his parents, a twinge of envy sparked inside of Tommy. He knew it was stupid. He didn't even particularly like Buck's parents. He definitely didn't like who they used to be, how they used to treat their son.

But, to their credit, they had been trying now.

And that's where the envy came in.

Because Buck's parents went to therapy with him. They started showing up, being there for their kids, through good and bad, even when they weren't comfortable.

And yeah, they were a little late, and not all wounds ever completely heal. There were still problems, and they were always a bit on edge when Tommy was around, but they were there.

They still put on a smile for Buck, however forced, and corrected themselves when they called him Evan.

They'd never hit their kids. Sure, they were a little too busy ignoring them, but Maddie and Buck never had to be afraid of their parents.

“We were invisible,” Buck had told him once.

Tommy didn't say it, he'd never speak the words out loud, because he knew how much being invisible hurt Buck. But, the first thing Tommy thought when he heard that was I wish I could've been invisible too.

Even thinking something like that made Tommy feel like a bad person. Actually, he often felt like a bad person. A terrible, terrible person who was so undeserving of any forgiveness, happiness, and love. He'd think about who he became in the military. Closed off, angry, ruthless at times. He'd killed people. He didn't think about it. Just dropped the bomb on whatever target he'd been told to hit. They were just targets. Living, breathing targets. He'd hear reports of kids getting hit with missiles, innocent casualties who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. But that was war, and you didn't get emotional with war. Until you got home and you had to reason with who you'd become.

Then he'd think of who he became when he got hired as a firefighter. More closed off, angrier, trying to make up for what he'd done by saving lives instead of taking them. But, no matter how many saves he got, it didn't make up for the kills. And you could get close to people, but you'd probably lose them just like you did in the military, so why have a friend if they're just gonna die anyway?

Plus, there was Gerrard. Gerrard, who was so much like his dad in so many ways. A crass bastard who didn't care who he offended or how he mistreated people. Tears were a weakness, emotions were a weakness, and Tommy was tired of people thinking he was weak. So, he made sure he wasn't.

The difference between his dad and Gerrard was that, if you fit in with Gerrard, he wouldn't bother you as much.

His dad bothered him regardless.

Tommy was not a good person when he had Gerrard as a boss. At first, he blamed Gerrard. Healing came when he took responsibility for himself.

Even with the healing; with leaving the 118 and starting over. With getting therapy and changing his mindset and forgiving himself, there were times when he felt like the biggest fraud in the world. Because he may have forgiven himself, but he didn't deserve the forgiveness of the people around him.

He didn't deserve the friendship of Howie or Hen. He didn't deserve Eddie, who was always excited to hang out. He didn't deserve weekly dinners with Bobby and Athena, who would ask him about his week and listen to his stories. He didn't deserve Maddie, who was ready and waiting to watch The Bachelor each week with wine and a cheeseboard.

He definitely didn't deserve Evan.

Evan.

Who was always there, no matter what. Wore his heart on his sleeve, would do anything for anyone, Evan.

Evan, who was a soft kiss after a hard day. Who's body fit with Tommy's like two puzzle pieces that were finally placed together. Stubborn, smart, bold, unafraid, open, honest, loving, kind, adorable, Evan.

He'd talked to his therapist about it one day. Things were going too well, his life felt too good, and that nagging voice drudged its way up from the back of his mind to repeat over and over you don't deserve it, you don't deserve it, you don't deserve it.

Then his therapist asked him a simple question. “When you hear the voice, is it your voice, or is it your father?”

After thinking about it for a while, Tommy answered, “A morphing of the two. Starts as him, ends as me.”

A nod. “Let's dissect that.”

They did.

It sucked.

But it helped too. It didn't make the feeling go away, but it did help him recognize that what he was feeling didn't just stem from the choices he made as an adult, it started all the way back when he was a child. When he was told, time and time again, how he didn't deserve good things.

Oftentimes, Tommy felt like his mind was a cruel joke that liked to play, well, mind games on him. As soon as he'd push through his feelings of being undeserving, his brain would laugh and tell him he was pitying himself. Making himself the victim when, in the majority of the things he did as an adult, he was in fact not the victim. This would, in turn, make him feel undeserving of feeling undeserving.

“My mind is a very screwy place,” he said on a particularly grouchy day at therapy. “Truly can't believe they let me fly an aircraft.”

“It sounds kind of like you're torturing yourself for not being perfect.”

“I feel like the more I try to learn and grow from my past, to- to move on from it, it throws itself right back up in my face. I try. I really, really try to let it go, but I can't.”

“I know it's a sensitive topic for you, Tommy, but-”

“No.” Tommy knew where this was going. “No, it's not that.”

A sigh. “Tommy, how old are you?”

He was not in the mood for this today. “Forty-one.”

“And how old was your mother when she passed?”

“Forty-two.”

“I know you've mentioned before how she held onto her guilt. She felt hopeless. Worthless. Let it eat away at her. Your words.”

“I'm not like that. I'm not... I wouldn't do that. I don't feel that way.”

“I'm not saying that you do. I'm saying, sometimes, the reason we feel certain ways stems from our parents, grandparents, etcetera.”

Tommy uncrossed his legs, picked at a string hanging from his jeans. “Can we change the subject? Evan and I have a date tonight and I don't wanna be bitchy when I pick him up.”

*****

Tommy continued down the sidewalk, the only light from the street lamps above him. Occasionally, he'd hear a dog bark or a bird chirp but it was mostly quiet.

He was a couple miles from home now. He knew he should be heading back. His anger had mostly died down to something else by now. Something he couldn't really explain.

Emptiness, maybe?

Yet another word he'd used to describe his mother before.

But, he wasn't like her. He could always get out of bed. He didn't have problems brushing his teeth. He didn't let himself go. He never lost his appetite. He never felt like downing an entire bottle of pills on a regular Sunday afternoon. Would never think of risking his future child walking in the room, excited to tell him about winning the little league game, and instead find him on the floor, long gone.

“I'm the complete opposite of her,” Tommy said at his next session, still annoyed from the previous week. “I don't call out of work, I take extra shifts, I always have something planned when I'm off. I'm in a stable relationship which, yeah, I've only been in for five months, but it's been the best five months of my life. I manage everything fine. Sometimes my mind is just a dick to me.”

“Depression is different for everyone,” his apparently all knowing therapist replied. “Some people have all the symptoms, some have a few, none are exactly alike. There's levels to it, different kinds.”

Tommy slumped back on the couch, sighing as he stared out the window. “Well, that really sucks.”

He tried to be open with Evan. He'd told him so much about his life, about who he was. Evan knew everything about Tommy's time in the military. He knew what Tommy was like when he worked under Gerrard. He knew all the ways Tommy had struggled with himself and his sexuality. He knew all the bad parts, and he loved him anyway.

“I've made so many versions of myself, Tommy,” Buck told him one day, “I think I lost count at 5.0. They're all still me though. I wouldn't be here if I was never there, and I really, really like being here. Sometimes the crappy stuff makes you better in the end.”

Maybe it wasn't as well spoken as something his therapist would have said, but Tommy understood. No matter what, Evan wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't scared off by Tommy. Didn't judge him. He loved him. They loved each other.

Still, as Tommy walked the desolate street, he couldn't help the new voice inside his head. This one was his alone. It was telling him that, as open as he'd been, he'd still closed off a huge part of his life to Evan. It wasn't even necessarily intentional, it was just easier. Easier to avoid the topic altogether. However, it wasn't exactly fair.

He could hear his therapist in his mind, asking him the questions. “Why do you think you've closed that part of yourself off to Buck?”

He'd answer, “I don't exactly like revisiting the subject.”

“Do you not trust him with that part of your life?”

“Of course I do! I trust him with every part of my life.”

“Then why don't you tell him?”

“Because...”

“Because?”

Tommy would feel like pulling out his hair at this point. “Because I have spent so many years letting those parts of me go!”

“Have you really let them go? Unless you hit your head and get amnesia, is that even possible? Wouldn't it be easier if you let your partner help carry the burden when it gets hard for you?”

“He doesn't need to carry my burdens.”

“Don't you help carry his?”

On the street, Tommy stopped in his tracks. He groaned, staring up at the sky as if his therapist was some ethereal being. “I hate you,” he mumbled, before turning around and heading back home.

*****

He opened the door expecting to be hit with the ghost of his father standing there just hours earlier. Instead, he was met with the sight of Evan. Straight ahead at the kitchen table. He plopped his phone down on the table and stared up at Tommy, eyes wide and wet.

“Hi,” Buck said softly. He eyed Tommy carefully, trying to gauge the mood.

Tommy let out a shaky breath. “Hi,” he replied, shrugging off his jacket and, once again, placing it on top of the duffel that hadn't moved.

“I was worried about you. You didn't take your phone and I- you were gone a long time.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't realize.” He really hadn't. He forgot he had ever put it in his duffel in the first place, usually opting to keep it in his pocket the majority of the time.

“S'okay.”

Tommy walked over to the table, pulled out the chair next to Buck, and sat down.

“I'm sorry, Evan,” Tommy repeated, for a different reason this time. “I shouldn't have left like that.”

“You don't need to be sorry.” Buck sat up straighter, splaying his hands out on the table. “I'm sorry. I had no idea your dad was like that. If I did, I never would have let him in your house.”

“Our house,” Tommy corrected. “Soon enough, anyway. You don't need to be sorry either. You didn't do anything wrong.”

Buck smiled at him, turning one hand up for Tommy to take. “Can neither of us be sorry instead then?”

Tommy held onto it, Buck's touch relaxing him in the way it always did. “Sounds good to me.”

“Are you hungry? I left the food in the oven on warm, just in case.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I am actually. I'll get it though, you relax.” He squeezed Buck's hand as he got up. Before walking away, he leaned down, pressing a kiss to Buck's temple. When he began to pull away, Buck held onto his shirt, turning his head and giving him a real kiss. He moved his hands up to Tommy's face, stroking his thumbs along his cheeks as he did his best to project all his love into the kiss.

Tommy looked dazed as they parted. “I think I need to go on walks more often.”

Buck rolled his eyes, swatting at Tommy's butt as he walked off. “Ass.”

“And you love it.”

“I suppose I do.”

“So, what'd you make?” Tommy asked, putting on some oven mitts before pulling the dish out of the oven.

“You're, uh, not allowed to laugh at the name. It's a recipe I got from Bobby, but he got it from the internet or something.”

“Oh God, did you make that goat in the boat dish again?”

“It was toad in the hole, and you loved it!”

“Mm,” Tommy hummed. He got out a couple plates and started plating the food. “What's it called?” he asked again.

“It's... It's called, um, it's Marry Me Chicken.”

After a beat of silence, Buck looked over to see Tommy staring at him, an eyebrow raised. “Evan Buckley, are you proposing to me over a chicken dish?”

Another eye roll. “Absolutely not.”

“You know the saying, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.”

“And all this time I thought it was through his ass.”

“Aye!”

Buck laughed, resting his chin on his hand as he watched Tommy finish up in the kitchen. “There's also some very finely chopped cucumber in the fridge if you'd like that as well, but it's not part of the dish.”

“Still a delightful addition to any meal,” Tommy replied, grabbing the bowl out of the fridge. He balanced it on his wrist before picking up the plates and bringing them to the table. “This looks amazing, Ev.”

“I hope it tastes good.”

“I'm sure it will.”

As Tommy and Buck both began to cut up their pieces of chicken, Tommy glanced over at his boyfriend. “So, um, tonight was... it was a lot.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I wanted to...” Tommy's voice trailed off, unsure of how to articulate what he wanted to say. He put down his cutlery and focused on Buck. “I was thinking on my walk about how open you've always been, talking about your mom and dad. Even the hard stuff, the uncomfortable stuff, you share it all. I- I haven't done that with you, Evan. That's not fair to you.”

“I've never felt that way,” Buck assured him. “I understood.”

“Still, I- I've always shared everything with you, besides that. It's not even the worst parts of me, really. I know... I know that stuff, when I was a kid, I know none of that was my fault. I think part of me felt like if I ignored it forever, it would eventually go away.” He shook his head. “It doesn't go away.”

Once again, Buck held out a hand for Tommy to take, connecting them on top of the table. “I'm here. Whenever you're ready. Now. Ten years from now. Whenever.”

Ten years from now. Those words hit him hard. He could feel his heart swell.

They were forever. Evan was his forever.

He took a deep breath, his residual anxieties melting away. “There's a lot about my parents you don't know.”

“Practically everything,” Buck agreed.

Tommy let out a laugh. “Well, I'd like to change that,” he replied, sharing a soft smile with Buck.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Because we don't have to right now, if you're not ready.”

“No, I'm ready,” he answered. He squeezed Buck's hand tighter. “There's a lot to talk about with my dad,” he started, grabbing up his fork with his free hand to pierce a piece of the chicken, “but I think I want to start with my mom. She was... She was a lot like me.”

Buck nodded, smiling gently. “I love her already.”

#bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #911 #tevan #kinley

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doc-art · 3 days

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Part 3 to the D&D sketches and long-posting

With the dragons hatched and us still needing to follow leads on our adventure, half of us in the party split off to go to a goblin occupied castle to rescue our boss. The other half remained back to care to the dragons.

On our walk we encountered a large wolf, which we expertly scared off.

Then, during our continued walk to the castle, we met... a minotaur! On Lloyd's first encounter with her, she rushed out of the foliage and charged him, sending him flying on impact.

He fell in LOVE.

Thanks to our bard and his magic (tongues), Lloyd and company were able to convince the minotaur to work with us, since we had a similar goal. (And Lloyd was very interested in her.)

We advanced to the castle and scoped it out.

And we got in and began our work on the goblins inside.

In the castle we split the team, our bard, goblin, and human druid went one way, while the dwarf, human fighter, and minotaur went another way. We triggered a trap that when activated, caused a river of blood to surge forward.

After some rough fighting we took time recuperate.

Meanwhile, the other half of the gang dealt with a reverse gravity room (which extended well into the sky) and a very large, very angry monster.

We went through a lot in that castle.

Lloyd and the minotaur continued to get close.

And after we fought the big bad vampire hobgoblin leader of the castle, we celebrated with a lot of drinking and eating back at the dining hall. A large ad-hoc bath was also created and filled with the assistance of our druid (and the minotaur, Loa, used her strength to help construct it.)

Afterwards, as the day closed, Loa challenged Lloyd to a wrestling match. It was a fairly even fight, despite the size difference. Lloyd was hard to bring down (with his VERY high constitution), and after some tussling and low rolls, she got the advantage and essentially won. The tussle also got her in the 'mood', and the spell that enabled her to understand Lloyd (and vise versa), he was unable to articulate that they really should do it elsewhere.

After all the fighting, blood, magic, and horror, It was certainly a way to finish the day.

Continued in the next post!

#my art #furry #size difference #minotaur #d&d

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greed7-13 · 2 years

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SATURDAY! HIGH IMPACT WRESTLING RETURNS TO THUNDER CANYON BREWERY FOR CLASH AT THE CANYON II!

With a card stacked, who will The Neon Stallions face? Come to the show and find out!

🌻💀

#pro wrestling #professional wrestling #eddy atlas #neon stallions #indie wrestling #wreslting #high impact wrestling #tucson #tucson events #arizona #arizona wrestling #thunder canyon brewery

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strayflowersstarsandlove · 8 months

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Camera roll (leeminho)

Seeing him and the boys practicing was always so interesting. They all manged to be extremely professional, athlete like dancers and absolute idiots at the same time. Like it was just undeniable how ridiculously talented and hard working they all were but the fact that they couldn't take themselves seriously for more than 30 minutes straight made watching them entertaining to say the least.

Normally you would have probably just stared at them in awe for the most part and then laughed until your jaw hurt for the rest but you had come in quite later today due to your boss asking you to cover for a coworker who was running late so you ended up staying on your feet for almost 10 hours straight and you were just so exhausted that as soon as you sat down on the big oblong black leather couch, you crashed.

And you only realize you've fallen asleep despite the music and the guys being loud cause Han somehow trips on his own feet and almost comes crashing down on you, screaming and singing? mid almost fall, "WHAT THE-", "SORRY I'M SORRY", he startles you but catches himself mid hair, balacing his weight a second before impact and then walking away like nothing happened.

"I'll steal his leftover cheesecake later as a punishment for almost knocking you out, don't worry", Minho plops down on the couch next to you, forcibly removing your feet from the spot so he can spread his thighs like he always does and sit in that i-own-this-place-sourt-of-way as you grunt your disapproval in response and furiously rub at your eyes, trying to get them to stay open despite the sleep still cacking them: "mmh how long did I even sleep oh my god", you ask, slowly regaining your vision and taking in your surroundings consisting of the boys splaying out on the floor and bickering and drenching in sweat and fake wrestling all at once.

Minho smirks and takes a big gulp from his water bottle, himself shiny from the sweat sparkling on his upper lip and his high cheekbones, his forehead wet with sticky tufts of messy deep brown hair, something about his heaving chest protruding from his skin tight shirt and his grey sweatpants making him look attractive in a rough sourt of handsome way, at least in your current sleepy slightly delirious state.

Well, not really. You've always thought your best friend looked FINE like really fine. His main dancer physique and current sweaty state only highlighted that. "About two hours. You missed our new routine for the song that's coming out next week", Minho shrugs, sipping some more water nonchalantly while your eyes go wide with embarrassment, "no way?? oh come on!! I can't believe I missed that", you whine, both mentally and physically slapping your forehead.

"Oh yes way. You were snoring so loudly we had to turn up the volume too, you were also drooling all over yourself", he teases, scooting closer to you and tracing his finger on the corners of your mouth as if to mock dab the supposed saliva, "STOOOOP", you giggle and slap his hand away and he giggles in that high pitched way you can't help but find adorable even though you're almost annoyed at him this very moment.

Okay maybe you're not. Fuck it you actually like it when he teases you that way. You somehow find it endearing. "Cute", he whispers, smiling at you in that amused way while his eyes go soft and you find yourself a bit in awe. "Lee Know Hyung! Did you show her the picture you took earlier?", Hyunjin comes trotting down, hair dripping in either sweat or half a water bottle he tipped all over his shirt, the goofiest smile on his face as he prods his bandmate on the shoulder.

"What.... What picture?", you stutter incredulous and even though Minho death glares Hyunjin he actually pulls out his phone and shows you both the photo he took of you while you were asleep: your very figure all curled up in a ball in the corner, your eyes shut and your mouth slightly agape, loose wisps of hair escaped from your bun and sticking onto your squished cheeks.

"Isn't it cute? You look like a baby", Hyunjin exclaims happily, poking your cheeks as he giggles while you go white in the face, covering your eyes in shame, "whyyyy why did you take that? God I look awful", you whine again and both guys burst into laughs, though Minho shakes his head, "our Minho hyung's camera roll is full of pics like that. Of all of us really. He collects them for revenge, biding his time until he can put them to full use. But I think he has a folder full of yours specifically isn't that so?", teases Hyunjin and you can tell Minho's just about to stuff a bunch of tissues in his mouth if he doesn't shut up this second.

"I do have tons of pics in there. Should I show her the one of your butt you sent me the other day? When you somehow got red paint on your left ass cheek and you thought it was a pimple?". Needless to say Hyunjin's jaw drops and he profusely apologises, laughing nervously as he walks away in between apologetic bows. Your jaw dropped too. You stare at your best friend in disbelief, nearly bursting into laughs even though you wouldn't want to at the expense of poor Jinnie.

"That was wild. I can't believe you actually have that in your phone. You're supposed to delete those!", you exclaim, jokingly poking at Minho'side with your foot, "why would I? did you not see the look on his face? That was priceless", he smirks, then making that evil bunny face that takes over his features which makes you giggle so loud, "but seriously: do you actually have a entire folder just of embarrassing pictures of me? And should I be scared? Are you ever going to use them against me?".

Minho clicks his tongue on his palate and pulls your legs over on his lap, smirking at you all the while," I do. You look cute in them. As for me usiging them against you ... I might. If you give me reasons to", he nods to himself, his face going blank for a second in that fake intimidating way and you wish oh you wish your brain registered the actual menace that this boy is, but all it can concentrate on is the fact that he inadvertently called you cute twice in the span of like 15 minutes. And now you just can't shake that pleasant sinking feeling in your heart.

He's also running his hands up and down your legs as if you're the one who danced her ass of for 4 hours straight. Your brain is also late to register that he's being unusually touchy today. You blink a few times, your gaze following his hands which eventually stop as he rests them flat on your thighs, thick veins emerging on the surface, fingertips barely grazing the dark cotton of your leggings.

You smile nervously and try really hard not to let your voice come out in a squeak, clearing your throat first, "eehm eehm... You're being quite nice to me today. First promising to avenge me with Han then scaring the shit out of Hyunjin for exposing your camera roll dedicated to me and then calling me cute. And you've even given me a leg massage. To what do I owe all this? ", you try, your tone light even though it still goes mildly high pitched.

Minho sighs exaggeratingly and rolls his eyes,"you really must be so tired today if you haven't picked up on it yet. But you haven't picked up on it for ages so maybe you're just not as bright as I thought", he blurts out, dead serious.

And then he flat out kisses you. You barely have time to even realise what's happening before he's disconnected his lips from yours, leaving you gobsmacked to say the least, "I think you're cute y/n. I have for a long time. And I know you think I'm cute too and I don't blame you. I know I am", he winks at you and then quickly stands up, the sudden motion putting you off balance and almost making you fall right back on your bum.

If it wasn't for his insanely fast reflexes. He catches you mid air and giggles, "look at you literally falling for me, jeez. Lucky for you I gotcha'!". There's so much information to process you don't know if you want to scream or laugh or both so you end up kind of giggling kind of chocking on air as you hold on onto him.

"I-I... I'm so.... I ugh", you stutter, unable to stop smiling so wide you're afraid your mouth's going to get stuck like that. You're not sure you're more impressed by everything that has happened or the fact that everyone around you did not notice in the least. "Take your time. I've got to go back to practice before ass pimple guy takes the lead and the others forget about the new choreography again. But we should go on a late night snack date once I'm done here", Minho states, gathering up his water bottle and his previously discarded hoodie.

"Wait really? You... You actually want to go on a date with me? Are we-are we out of the friendzone now?", you stumble on your words a little and he gives a firm nod, "yeah. You like me. I like you. We should date. Plain and simple", he replies matter of factly before snapping his fingers a couple time, gathering up the boys to the centre of the room, "alright break's over. Five six seven eight-".

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koyagi-writes · 1 year

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Animal-Hybrid-Boys-HCs.exe

Folder: Genshin-Impact Accounts (characters): Arataki Itto, Baizhu, Cyno, Gorou, Tartaglia, Tighnari, Xiao, Zhongli Query: N/A Pop-Up (warnings): Fluff, Smut (will be marked), GN!AFAB!Reader (female anatomical language), but you/your are used, overstimulation, monsterfucking, biting, marking, inappropriate use of visions, breeding, aphrodisiacs (consensual), oviposition, drug use (mushrooms), high sex, intercrural sex (thigh fucking), semi-public sex, Spoilers?

Minors and Ageless blogs, please DNI. Koyagi does not consent to copying/plagiarism, translation, and AI data use

General

We headcanon that most (if not all) of these characters have rut or rut-adjacent experiences, and you being there makes it “worse” for them. At least you can relieve any of their pent up stress.

Arataki Itto (Oni, bull/cow)

Itto is a big, beefy boy, everyone is aware of that fact. Not only is he the tallest playable character, he’s also one of the strongest. This is all thanks to his heritage as an Oni, plus the support of the gang in his formative years.

Once you come into the picture, Itto is a big showoff; he’s an Oni, and Oni are proud beings, evident in his initiations of PDA. He’ll kiss all over, even leaving bites and hickeys--that almost mirror his markings in color--in places he knows you can’t possibly cover or hide. Also, don’t eat beans; his allergies will spike if he even kisses you.

Bulls often display unpredictable aggression, a trait that Itto and Ushi share with you. As your boyfriend, he’ll catch you off guard by playfully tackling and wrestling you. He’d try not to hurt you, but if he gets too rough a tug on his horns will immediately get him off of you. He’ll panic and worry if you’re mad at him, even almost crying as he inspects your body for injuries. Once he’s sure you’re okay, the play-fighting will cease, replaced by cuddles under the softest blankets you own. Ushi would headbutt the both of you, but otherwise makes a soft pillow once the brawl is over.

He will fold if you can scrounge up the mora to buy the both of you matching pajamas or lingerie (strawberry cow bikini strawberry cow bikini strawberry cow bikini).

(NSFW) During his rut, Itto becomes more aggressive, and advises the gang that he’ll need to be alone for about a week. Early on in the relationship, he would have Shinobu keep you busy to keep you safe (he doesn’t want to hurt you :( not even by accident) and wait the week out.

The first time you insisted on helping him, Itto was astounded. His hair disheveled, crimson skin covered in a thin layer of sweat, large teeth on full display as you entered his room, much to his protest. It doesn’t take much to get him to cave and be a bit rougher with you, and his aggressive demeanor slips as you straddle his lap and press the sweetest kisses into his skin. He has you ride him, makes you set the pace at which the two of you melt into each other. He knows you want to help him feel better, but he won’t do something unless you explicitly tell him or let him know. After a while, maybe he’ll let loose and give in to his instincts and fuck you into the mattress. He will definitely want to breed you, but again will only do it if you say so.

Outside of his rut, sex with Itto is different. The room will be filled with small giggles and moans as you indulge in each other’s bodies. He’d make stupid jokes here and there, or his mind will completely wander and he’ll start rambling while thrusting into you. On nights when you’re both tired, he’ll spoon you, and slowly grind his cock just between your thighs and play with your body, then--once he knows you’re dripping--slip it into your relaxed cunt, continuing his slow movements. He’ll build you up, groaning sweet affirmations into your ears, as he ensures your pleasure before chasing his own. There’s a chance he’ll stay inside you as you both drift off, but on most occasions, Itto will pull out, and you’ll take good care of each other for the night--mainly with snacks, water, massages and cuddles.

Extra tidbit, it’ll be hard to hide if he does breed you, since you may or may not temporarily develop some of his markings on your chest, arms and tummy.

Baizhu (Snake/serpent)

We headcanon Baizhu using he/they pronouns. Also that he can sometimes turn into a lamia/naga for the sake of our monsterfuckers.

It seems Changsheng has an effect on Baizhu’s personality. While maintaining the people skills necessary for the pharmaceutical business, he’s reserved and quiet, and rarely speaks, usually only to you, Changsheng, Gui and Qiqi. When he does speak, however, they have that traditional hissy, seductive tone. He’s lean, relying on different herbal remedies and meals to stay healthy.

Again, Baizhu is reserved, and prefers to keep his affections between the two of you, rather saving his kisses for those cozy nights in bed. Poor boy is cold-blooded, so he’ll cling to you and leech off the warmth radiating from your skin as the two of you retire to your soft bed for the night.

You and Baizhu coparent Qiqi, helping her remember various information, keeping track of her, and helping her carry the herbs she picks on harvest days. He’ll greet you with a kiss on your forehead, then take over taking care of Qiqi for the rest of the day. You guys are just like a happy little family!

He is resourceful, incorporating his venom in various supplements and remedies. They’ll even “prescribe” you some of these supplements.

(NSFW) A side note before we begin, Baizhu’s venom contains a mild aphrodisiac, one that induces or strengthens the effects of one’s heat or rut. It also may contain a very mild sedative.

During their rut, Baizhu will close the pharmacy or have Gui manage the place while he’s out of commission. He’d keep you in bed all day, gently trailing kisses, bites, and sweet nothings into your skin, before prepping the rest of your body to take him, even if you do feel a tad sleepy (You had the talk with him, and ensured that the venom’s effects were safe). They’ll have two cocks, one for eggs, and the other for his cum. He’ll wrap his body around yours, feeling how warm your soft body has gotten, then slowly push them both into you from behind. Once you’ve adjusted, he’ll begin pumping into you. They don’t need to, they can just release the eggs into you, but they know that poor little humans need friction to reach their climaxes. He’ll tease you about it, how his sweet darling would get so needy and demanding, releasing an egg with each thrust, filling you until he’s satisfied.

Outside of their rut, Baizhu will only have one cock (the other will be sheathed away). He’ll still wrap himself around you, using his coils to massage your body and help coax your orgasm. They’ll be more gentle, thrusting into you from the front, whimpering and whining your name as he indulges in your pleasure. They love cockwarming, so once they’re satisfied, be prepared to fall asleep in a sweaty, cum/egg filled mess, round with his young. There could even be a chance you give Qiqi a young sibling.

Cyno (jackal)

Cyno is about as lean as Baizhu, but has strong legs and abs, and immense stamina. He may not be a hybrid, but he’s just as protective of you as any jackal would be with its mate. The General would bring down the whole wrath of the Matra just to keep you safe and happy.

He’s mostly reserved and keeps to himself, believing air shouldn’t be wasted on frivolous words. All of that goes out the window when he retires from his duties for the night. You’d probably already be in bed, or lounging around your shared home, but once he removes the headpiece and armor, he’d cling to you and ramble, be it about a TCG match, a case he recently resolved at the Akademiya, or the meal you packed him that morning. He’d hold you close, rehearsing his dumb jokes that no doubt have you giggling into his neck.

By even associating with Cyno, you’ll become popular amongst the people of Gandharva Ville. Tighnari will sometimes have you come over to help Collei with her studies while he goes out for field research, and he trusts you dearly; you basically become family to the pair!

(NSFW) Now, we know we said that Cyno isn’t a hybrid, but we like to think he goes through something similar to rut. Every once in a while, when the stress of his work and the heat of the desert culminate into something potentially dangerous or unhealthy, he’d take a break for a while once he realizes where his mental state is taking him. During that break, he’ll have you laid out or bent over any surface in the house he deems adequate--which will probably be all of them--and take out all the stress on you. Cyno would never hurt you, clearly, but he just needs you so badly, it’s not his fault that he’s being so rough with your body, leaving blossoms of purple and red on your skin, thrusting in and out of your cunt with such fervor, going for as many rounds as he needs. At this point he doesn’t care much about getting you pregnant; if you do then you do, but if you don’t want to, he’ll at least listen to that. If you end up pregnant, it’ll just make him even more protective of you while you’re so vulnerable.

Other times, he’ll be more gentle, more rational, most in tune with your desires. Cyno’s most vocal at this point, whining and “howling” as you sink deeper into pleasure together. Some nights, you might catch him off guard, your figure adorned with violet and gold to match his attire, straddling his lap and taking care of both his and your needs. He’d hold your hips gently, gaze deep into your eyes, and beg you to push him over the edge.

No matter what time, you and Cyno have aftercare down to a science. The two of you sat down and had a long, thought out discussion about keeping each other safe before, during, and after the two of you have sex. He enjoys a warm shower, water, and cuddles afterward, and he’s willing to treat you with the utmost care. You could almost say he spoils you sometimes, and at some point you’ll both get competitive over it. You just love each other so much, you’d rather “fight” over who loves who more. Even that will end up with one of you on your backs.

Gorou (Shiba Inu)

Like Cyno, Gorou is lean, with strong legs and arms. Before meeting you, he used to spend almost all of his free time on training and building his endurance. Now, he only spends half of that time on that, opting to rather be pampered and spoiled by you, whether by brushing out his tail, scratching that itch behind his ears, or even preparing his favorite dishes every sundown.

At some point, the rigid muscle of his abs will develop a little fat, making his tummy much softer and more squishable. He’ll be a bit self-conscious, worrying that you and his soldiers will no longer see him as the pillar of strength; he couldn’t be further from the truth. You love him, no matter his size, and his soldiers even continue their diligence and respect.

During the colder nights on Watatsumi, Kokomi will have the General retire to your shared quarters early. You’d greet him at the door briefly before wrapping him up in a blanket and spoiling him all night, a warm meal and cuddles awaiting his arrival.

He’s bold, but likes to keep clean. When the two of you bathe together, he’ll lean into your touch as you lather homemade shampoo into his scalp and tail. If you’re lucky (which you are, no doubt), he’ll let down his guard and have you rub his sensitive belly, whimpering and yelping at your gentle touch.

(NSFW) The poor Doggy General has a rut, during which he’s extremely sensitive and emotional. He’d hide away, and cry as he tries and fails to take care of himself again and again and again. Once you come into the picture, your scents would have him absolutely intoxicated. He’ll try to pounce on you, only able to restrain himself by a thread, but catch himself, and cower into his little pile of blankets. He wouldn’t lay an unsavory finger on you, so he’d let you take the lead for the time being. He’d buck his hips up at any touch, begging you to just satiate his urges. Once you’re straddling his hips, bouncing up and down on his length, he’ll squirm and cry, seeking out any friction your body is willing to give him. Gorou will try to knot and breed you as you both fall into depraved ecstasy together in his quarters, but that’s only if you let him (we love consent out here, folks). If not your cunt, at least let him knot your hand; please, he’ll be so good for you~.

Outside of his rut, Gorou will be slightly more dominant, his rationale being that he has more restraint of himself, and there’s less of a chance he’ll hurt you. His stamina will remain the same, only able to indulge in your warm, slick cunt for so long. His knot will be smaller, if not completely gone, so you can more safely take him into your mouth, swallowing load by load as his fingers grip and tug at your hair. Once he has you prepped, and his cock is aching for that searing, soaking embrace, he won’t hesitate to bottom out immediately. But he won’t move, not until he feels your hips buck against his. At that point, forget trying to say anything; any words will be interrupted by sweet moans enveloping the room around you, moreso on your end now. He’ll chase his own pleasure, but still maintain a shaky thumb against your twitching clit to help you find your own release. Scratch at his back, bite him, mark him in any way; he’ll only reciprocate tenfold while he has you on his cock.

Usually it’s you taking care of him after, gently petting him as he apologizes incessantly into your marked neck. Poor Gorou will feel bad if he made a mess of you, so he’ll insist on cleaning his cum out of your sore cunt. But if you insist, he’ll just let you carry him to the bath, wincing as you rub gentle soaps and shampoos into his hair and skin, ointments and lotions into the scratches you left on his back, and him doing the same to you in exchange. You’d dress in cozy shirts and underwear, and grab the fluffiest blankets you own, draping it over the two of you and cuddling the rest of the night away with steaming cups of tea that would be cold by sunrise.

Tartaglia (Fox)

We all know that a crucial piece of Ajax’s charm is his cunning, charismatic nature; it’s what got him so far in life (aside from the power he obtained during his time in the abyss). He even had to employ such cunning tricks to win your heart, which even he struggled at. You gave him a hard time at first, teasing him and playing hard to get. But due to his determination and adaptive nature, he ended up wooing you anyway. Now it’ll be him teasing you from now on. Aww, don’t look at him like that, then he’ll want to kiss you even more.~

Ajax is well built, and his figure astounded you the first time he had let you see his body. He trusted you the most, allowing you to gently trace over his scars and freckles with your fingers and leave kisses in their wake. His body is versatile, built for all manners of combat and warfare; a true warrior’s body.

He’s possessive of you, that’s a given, and as a proud Snezhnayan man, Ajax would damn near beg you to have some sort of sign of himself on you. He doesn’t care how--be it you wearing something of his (clothing or his cologne), or having a tattoo, hickey, or a piercing-- it just has to signify him. He’ll even get one to match, if that’ll make you more comfortable.

This possessive nature comes not out of malice, but of the want to be near you. As a Harbinger, he’s often mobile, embarking on perilous missions for the Fatui, and can only make it home every few weeks, leaving you alone in your shared home. His position is a dangerous one, and there’s always a chance he won’t come home, which is one of his greatest fears.

Ajax is a family man, always striving to keep his siblings safe and make his parents proud. As a result, he’ll have you meet them as soon as you can, and as far as you can tell, they seem to like you. Tuecer recognizes you immediately from his time in Liyue, and clings to you, calling you big sib and having Anthon and baby Tonia do the same.

(NSFW) Now we know Ajax is one of the few people on this list to not have a rut, but do you know what he does have? He has an alternate form of an abyssal beast that does, which has way less restraint than his human form. Foul Legacy’s “rut” is the culmination of Ajax’s tendency to tease but never follow through, his need for you even when he’s away, and his absolute adoration for you and your body. Huge claws tracing your skin, leaving angry trails of red on your waist, hips, back, wherever he can reach. The opalescent orb settled in his mask admiring the bulge of your tummy as your poor cunt struggles to take all of his cock; he’ll understand if you can’t take it all, but a pleased chirp-like sound will erupt from his chest if you can manage all (checking notes) 16 inches (40.6 cm) of him, including the fat knot at his base. He may hold back, but that same orb will look down, and your facial expression will be enough to make him lose control, bucking into you at a pace you almost can’t handle. He’ll get loud, groaning and growling into the vacant space of the Golden House or the bedroom you share with him. And as if just his cock was too much, just one load of his cum would leave you looking pregnant, and may end up getting you pregnant anyways (this goes without saying, only if you let him).

As a human, Ajax is most able to treat you just the way he wants--like the most precious and delicate relic he had ever laid his eyes upon. Unlike his demeanor in battle, he’d be gentle with his hands, ghosting his fingers over your skin, taking slow, deep strokes inside your weeping pussy. Now it’s you digging your fingers into his skin, throwing your head back as he hits the spot that drives you crazy, laying hickeys up and down your neck and chest. He’s also quite loud like this, never shying away from how his body reacts to yours; moans and groans would accompany the sweet, sinful sounds of his body connecting with yours. He’d press his forehead against yours as you reach your highs together, guide you through the foggy sensations washing over your body, and help you come down with even slower thrusts and gentle circles of his fingers around your clit as you scream his name, his real name. He knows pulling out is the worst, so he’ll insist on staying inside of you to ensure you feel full and warm inside.

Sure, he can be rough with you. He can tease you and edge you until you’re a crying, whining mess for his touch, his cock. If anything, he savors every night that he has you to himself, no matter how fast or slow, rough or gentle, whether he dominates your senses or becomes your submissive foxboy for the night. Any way it goes, you both bask in the aftercare, cuddling close under the warmth of the various sheets and blankets to combat the sudden drop in your bodies’ temperature, and the piercing frost of Snezhnaya’s mountains.

Ajax always looks forward to coming home to you, and he wouldn’t exactly mind coming home to a kid or two. Again he’s a hardcore family man, and would devote everything he has to settling down and having kids. He’d still worship the Tsaritsa and keep Foul Legacy, but would step down as a Harbinger and return his Delusion to Pierro in order to keep you and the children safe.

Tighnari (Fennec Fox)

Also uses he/they pronouns.

We imagine Tighnari developed his physique and knowledge from engaging in field research. They have a strong upper body due to his heavy use of a bow, and legs built for sprinting through the terrain of the forest floor. For the most part, he’s solitary, only keeping close company. Tighnari only seems to open up to Cyno, Collei, and you, only able to tolerate Al-Haitham and Kaveh during their weekly TCG duels at Lambad’s. He’s caring, but will display his care for others with a sassy, almost mocking tone and attitude, excluding the times you are alone together. At that point is when they feel safest, and can be vulnerable in your company alone.

Most often, his idea of a date is a research date, where you’ll accompany each other into the wild and assist each other in various experiments and observations. Other times, they’ll surprise you by leading you to the canopies of Ghandarva Ville to stargaze. Either way, Tighnari would hold you close and just ramble about anything and--if you let him--everything. He’d be cheesy with his flirting, perhaps Cyno’s knack for dumb humor is rubbing off on him. Tighnari would incorporate topics like research, mushrooms, the forest into the dumbest, cheesiest pick up lines for you (even though you’ve been together for years).

Speaking of mushrooms, most meals he makes and eats incorporate some delicious fungi. It’s been said that edible species of fungus have great effects on one’s health, so one of their ways of showing you affection is to cook you dishes that are both delicious and healthy.

Tighnari never really anticipates the effects some mushrooms have on the body and mind. Like seriously, you’d be wandering in a beautiful clearing, then boom there he is, splayed out in the grass tripping his ass off. Once they catch sight of you, it’ll be like they’re falling in love with you all over again, clinging to you and headbutting your chest, almost as if demanding that you scratch their ears.

(NSFW) After so long, and so much research, Tighnari is able to exploit his knowledge of fungal species to aid in your trysts together. Be it taking one with hallucinogenic properties, or a straight up aphrodisiac, you and Tighnari always find a way to enhance the pleasure you two feel.

He does experience ruts, usually in the late winter to mid-spring. For that time, they’ll become possessive and hide away with you in your shared hut. He’d rearrange your living space, and spray his scent (cologne, or something that reminds everyone of him) around the hut; even you end up smelling like him. Expect them to cling to you, even if you have to venture away from the safety of your shared home. His cooking will alter, and he’ll ignore any invitations from Cyno or Al-Haitham; all he’ll want to do is be with you. He’d be extra careful, and not risk using aphrodisiacs on you during his rut.

He’d take you at any hour of the day, his hips rocking against yours while you’re bent over any surface he can fit you on (which would be all of them). Or they’d have you on your back, be it on the sofa or in bed. Either way, he would want to be on top of you, or at least parallel to you. This will give them the chance to control and restrain themself much better than if you were on top. If that were the case, Nari would be bucking his hips up into you, whimpering and moaning loud enough for the neighbors to hear. They’d rather stay quiet and enjoy your moans, despite them knowing how much you adore their sounds, and claw at the soft skin of their back. You can always use his ears as an indicator of how close he is, as they’d be downturned the whole time, but begin to twitch indiscriminately as he reaches his peak, at which point he’ll ask where you want him. If you want them to pull out, they will and let you finish them off, knotting your hand while they reach down. If not, he’ll knot your cunt, pumping ropes of his thick seed into your walls. They’ll stay close and cuddle you, opting to keep you warm with their body and tail.

Outside of his rut, Tighnari is more keen on using fungi in the bedroom. Some nights, you and him would have the usual conversation, putting each other’s minds at ease, and hold each other close--foreheads pressed together, exchanging soft giggles and kisses--as the drugs you both took begin to take effect. You’d take it slow, basking in the warmth of their lips on your skin, fingers tracing over your most sensitive bits as they prep you to take them. The foreplay would be slow and drawn out, Nari focusing on your pleasure over his own as his nimble fingers and tongue gently stroke your slit until it’s drooling, weeping for his cock. Only after you’ve had a few orgasms will they even want to feel your pussy clench around their length. Even then, he’ll pull you into his lap, having you set the pace. In tandem with the mushrooms you had both eaten, the emphasis that Tighnari places on your pleasure will have your head reeling as you grind against them, feeling every touch of their skin against yours as you overstimulate each other.

Again, Tighnari will hold you close once your bodies are too exhausted to keep moving, curling his tail around your spent body, pressing kisses to your cooling skin and massaging any soreness from the muscles beneath. They love you dearly, and their actions both in the field and in the bedroom convey that clearly. He cherishes you, and is proud to have you as his mate for life.

Xiao (Bird)

We headcanon that Xiao specifically would be a solitary prey bird, like an eagle or an owl hybrid. This means that he’s territorial before anything else. He doesn’t want to lose anything else, let alone you. You are one of the few people he holds close to his heart, and he’d destroy anything to ensure your safety. The only limit he finds to protecting you would be his loyalty to Rex Lapis.

Your adeptus boyfriend is slim and lean, built for speed. He has a long stride, despite his short stature, and can traverse Dihua Marsh in the blink of an eye.

You are one of the few people he’ll let near him at any given time, especially as Spring approaches. Xiao may spend most of his time away from Wangshu--leaving your nest-like bed cold and empty--but he always ensures that he returns with another blanket, pillow, or flower to add to the cozy pile. You don’t mind patching him up, just so long as he comes home in one piece. He doesn’t mind you scolding him, just so long as he can return to your warm embrace.

(NSFW) The yaksha are damn near extinct, so it shouldn’t be a surprise if you wake up one spring morning to his hard length grinding between your plush thighs, hands gripping your waist to hold you steady as he whimpers into your ear, begging to pump you full of his seed.

Be ready for almost constant contact with Xiao during his rut. All day, and all night, he’ll want to hold you close. He won’t care where, but if he can, he will most definitely be whispering his lust into your ear. He’s shameless and blunt, his words reaching down your spine to your core. Don’t worry, he’ll drag you somewhere nice and private to fulfill his lascivious promises. He’s not afraid to get caught, he’ll take you to Wangshu’s roof, drag you to Luhua pool, or just bend you over a random rock in the marsh

Other than that, Xiao’s habits remain pretty consistent when it comes to those hot nights at the inn. He’ll prep you with his tongue and fingers, every time, without fail, to ensure you can take his length without hurting. He’d hold your hand as he bottoms out, instructing you to squeeze if anything hurts. Once he’s in, tip kissing your insides, he’ll hold still and whisper his love and lust into the skin of your neck. Despite your teasing, he takes it seriously the whole time, each thrust is deliberate and precise as whimpers haphazardly escape his soft lips. He doesn’t experiment much, but is at least willing to try out a couple of things. His hard limit is anything regarding actions that will actually hurt you or permanently scar you, and he won’t touch you unless he knows you’re comfortable.

After a few rounds, he’d give you a choice: either you fall asleep while still connected, or he’ll carry you to the bathroom to clean you up. Either way, you always end up cuddled close together, Xiao carding his slender fingers between your hair as you watch the sun rise.

Due to Zhongli’s generosity (and Childe’s wallet), you and Xiao never run short of fancy lotions and soaps. His favorites, of course, are the ones that make you smell of a plate of Sweet Dreams (almond and qingxin).

Zhongli (dragon)

We headcanon that Zhongli uses he/she/they pronouns, depending on the form they take.

Even after retiring, Zhongli retains many of the qualities that once signified the great Rex Lapis; be it their shapeshifting abilities, immense strength, or their stoic demeanor. Over the millenia, the Geo Archon took many forms, finding themself preferring the half-dragonic figure that sculpted the very earth you stand on, Rex Lapis. During the early stages of your relationship, however, they were getting self-conscious, constantly assuring you that they could take any form you wish. You’d retort, telling them that you’d be happiest with them in their most comfortable form, which broke the stony expression lining his visage.

As the dragon hybrid, Rex Lapis is most relaxed, and your shared room will reflect that with soft lighting, pillows and blankets piled up in the bed (almost akin to a hoard), and a constant loop of Liyue’s finest hymns and lullabies emitting from the euphonium unbound; it’ll be quite the chore to tempt them away from the cozy space. Perhaps you of all things, their most esteemed treasure, could be the perfect little trinket to lure your draconic love from the mountain of bedding. Or you could just be the opposite, the crown jewel pinned between the plush duvets and their imposing figure as their tail surrounds your leg and their tongue dances with yours.

In his human form, Zhongli poses less of a bite risk, and he’d rather just rest with your head settled on his lap, reading the latest light novels. The room will reflect this as well, with stacks and shelves full of scrolls and books surrounding the cozy bed, floor lamps decorating the safest space one could imagine. He’d be engrossed in said books, absentmindedly carding his fingers amongst your hair as the stories enthrall his attention.

(NSFW) Rex Lapis will most often be their form of choice during monthly ruts, as their dragon-esque body would need to retain plenty of energy. Usually Zhongli and you would have the necessary discussions and preparation for both you and himself ahead of time, be it buying extra food or medicine ingredients, running extra laundry, or just talking to each other through the whole thing. Rex Lapis becomes more secluded, only remaining in your shared bed except to either eat, or to find you for spicy time. Speaking of which, Rex Lapis would often just wake you with their nose bumped against your belly, just above your womb. If you got the message and agreed, you’d spend the day getting pumped full, load after load. Their preferred position would be you straddling their body, controlling the pace as they hold you close. They wouldn’t speak much, opting to show their affections for you in the form of pleasured grunts, growls and whines; their yearning for your heated body in the form of languid strokes of their tongue against your burning skin. They’d show some restraint, evident in their gentle thrusts as they press their cocks within your hot walls.

Rex Lapis will overstimulate themself with your body, going round after round before their mind goes blank, giving you as much room to take over as you’d like and keep fucking them brainless to your heart’s content.

During the rest of the year, Zhongli is more willing to experiment with you, and toy with your body. He won’t need to be as gentle with you, but will still take precautions so as not to hurt you. If anything, Zhongli wants to spoil you at all times. Everything you say goes, including your pleading moans and cries for him to plow into you harder, faster, more, and he will certainly acquiesce. It’s fairly easy for Zhongli to dominate you like this, seeing as he has more control over his body and mind. Seeing you, spread wide open on his cock, legs anchoring him in, taking everything he’s willing to give you, now that just turns him on even more as his hips slam against yours. He enjoys the sight of you drowning in pleasure, the tears of bliss rolling down your cheeks and your cunt weeping with need. He’ll give you everything, reaching between the two of you to roll your sensitive clit with his thumb in order to overstimulate you as you reach your peaks together.

During the last round, Zhongli will be slow and gentle, grinding into you while planting kiss after kiss anywhere he can reach--your neck, chest, lips, cheeks, etc.--as your orgasm slowly builds. Ironically, he’ll speak words of worship, adoration, praise into your ears as your climax washes over your body like a tidal wave.

In the afterglow, your skin shimmering with a layer of sweat, Zhongli will always be there with you, ready to spoil you and make sure you feel safe and loved in his arms. Cuddles and massage would ensue, and if you’re up to it, he would draw you a warm, steamy bath to help relax your muscles. He’d pull out all the stops to ensure your comfort, opting to dress you in your softest pajamas afterward, replace and wash the sheets, and carry you around as he pampers you. He’ll lay you down in bed and crawl in with you, holding you close and humming a soft lullaby as the two of you drift off among the soft sheets and crashing waves of the harbor.

#koyagi-genshin #genshin smut #genshin impact x reader #itto x reader #baizhu x reader #cyno x reader #gorou x reader #tartaglia x reader #tighnari x reader #xiao x reader #zhongli x reader

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bryhoney · 3 months

Text

Recognisance Pt.6

Hello!! I hope you enjoy! Just wanted to say thank you for all the support this fanfic has received so far :) I'm also sorry in advance :((((

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AO3

I've got an interview coming up for potentially a dream job offer so I'm prepping for that all the time at the moment - hence the slight delay in posting updates! But fingers crossed that all works out and it should be regular again!!

You’re seated opposite Gabriel and you note that he’s irritated at the commotion around you. No doubt he wanted to seat you in some private room to interrogate you but with the aftermath of the Ghost’s infiltration of the base - there isn’t anywhere to go.

You’re in an office that hasn’t been soundproofed, people are frantically ferrying their wounded colleagues or scrambling to gather information from each other.

Gabriel will be called away soon, he will have to answer to someone or orchestrate the next steps the Federation will take. He’d likely take the brunt of the blame for this mishap.

“Now, I’m only going to ask you nicely, once. You let them out, didn’t you?” He’s smoking, which you find unnerving. He’s doing everything he can to appear calm, but you’re sure he’s shaken by the breach and furious with your actions.

You don’t answer immediately, you’re not sure what the best approach here is. Despite everything, he’s still the only constant you have in your life.

“You didn’t tell me,” you’re oddly proud at how stable your voice is, you feel numb to everything other than the man opposite you, and you’re not even sure he’s an ally anymore.

He sighs, moving to stand. You can tell he’s wrestling with himself to maintain his composure. He looks out the window at the flurry of soldiers outside the office.

“I thought it’d be better this way, I’ll explain it all when this is over,” he sounds sincere, gesturing to the hallway to indicate that ‘this’ is the catastrophic impact of the ghosts.

“You killed my father,” you whisper, hating everything about this situation. You hate that your heart aches for a man you don’t know. You wished, more than anything, to remember the man whose voice you’d heard consoling you, who sounded like he loved you.

He turns back to you, “He wasn’t your father in the end, he was a liar - a traitor,” his voice is cold and hard and the look he gives you is lethal.

You’d also betrayed Rorke.

A soldier bursts into the room, “Sir,” his attempt to portray a calm indifference is admirable despite the heavy breathing that gives him away.

“I’ll be back soon, I expect you to be in your room until we can secure the site again,” Rorke says calmly before turning his back to you. He strides out of the room, following the younger man towards the main control centre.

It takes you a second to stand, hesitant to walk through the soldiers. Did they know who you were? Would they kill a relative of a Ghost? A Walker?

You hold your head up high and turn towards the living quarters, trying not to look at the extent of the damage that just a handful of men wrought onto a base full of highly trained operatives.

—

Time moves very slowly as you sit and wait in your room for Gabriel.

You’re sure that outside your room, the base is still in chaos but it’s completely silent in here. You’ve shut out every thought and memory that tries to resurface as you quietly try to piece together what you know.

Firstly, You’re a Walker. Your brothers are Hesh and Logan Walker.

From what you can recall, your childhood had been a happy one with the Walkers. This fact is less concrete, just moments of a normal, if somewhat eccentric family.

Secondly, you were tortured by them. The memories of your time in the room are hazy and interwoven with snippets of pain. But it was them - you’re not sure what drove them to do that to you. What had you done to turn them so far against you?

Rorke had told you that you’d been tortured to get to him. Who were you to Rorke? You had more ties to the Ghosts in Blood alone. You can’t recall being field-trained or dangerous enough to pose a substantial threat to them.

But Rorke insisted that they wanted to recapture you.

But you were out in the field, and you had tried to kill someone.

You had been raised by the leader of the Ghosts. Was it so unlikely to think you hadn’t also been taught some basic self-defence?

Your brothers were ghosts.

You-

“Keegan,” that was your voice, it was breathy and-

Oh God.

What the ever-loving fuck was happening. You knew next to nothing and Rorke had kept you in the dark. You had no idea who to trust.

Why didn’t he tell you?

Your memories would come back. They had to, you couldn’t stand this awful limbo of not knowing who you were and what had happened.

The door clicked open, and Rorke stepped into the room before locking it behind him. You felt small, entirely defenceless with him in this space.

“How you holding up, sweetheart?” his tone calm, reassuring as though nothing had happened. You furrowed your eyebrows. You’d allowed his enemies to escape and now he was calling you pet names?

“I’m alright,” your voice is small and your knees are now tucked up towards you.

He sits at the foot of your bed, looking towards you in the darkness, “Today was- it wasn’t what we expected,” he’s being honest, so you hope to keep him calm and keep him talking.

“No kidding,” you try smiling through the darkness at him. You’re, entirely preoccupied with self-preservation - it’s as though you’ve cornered a wild animal.

He smiles back towards you, “I suppose it’s high time you knew the truth.” You're taken aback, this was not the route you thought this military strategist would take. You had convinced yourself he would try something more calculated than the truth. But, that is assuming this was the truth.

You bring your arms up to hold yourself, “maybe," you’re being soft, giving him no reason to see any threat in you.

“You’re not a Walker,” he says it as though it’s obvious and it earns a physical, knee-jerk response from you,

“I am! I am a-” You’re furious, he’s going to lie to you again.

“Let me finish,” his tone is violent, final. He softens as you flinch from him, never once has he yelled at you like this. He’s volatile, you’ve always known that and yet-

“You were a Walker,” he adds, he sighs and meets your gaze again, and you don’t expect it. You’re silent so he’ll continue.

“You were a Walker, God knows what you were before the Walkers took you in.” He tries a smile at you, clears his throat and reaches towards his pockets, “You’ve been a Rorke for just under three years now,” his hand extends towards you, he’s holding a ring.

You’re blinking rapidly, you feel yourself pale as your stomach drops through the floor.

No.

“What?” you whisper, heart in your throat.

“It’s yours,” he says, and you take the ring gingerly, inspecting it as though it might trigger some long-buried memory of your time with Rorke, your husband.

No.

This isn’t right.

“I don’t- I don’t remember any of this?” your voice is level and calm, but internally you’re trying to stitch together even more fragments of your life.

He laughs, “It was rushed, and they hate me all the more for it.” He places a hand atop your knee and you don’t shrug him off.

“This doesn’t make sense, I wouldn’t have joined the Federation if I were a Walker, we’d have been enemies? How did we even-?” your train of thought is derailed by the constant theorisations forming and collapsing in your head.

“It’s a long story, kid, but, I was a Ghost once, before-” he pauses, clearing his throat, “I was close with Elias,” he replies, and God- it sounds honest. You don’t have any timeline to place this all on to verify anything he’s saying.

He looks at you, sighing as he continues, “I don’t expect you to wear it, they tried to destroy every part of me from your memory when they took you. I was foolish, I didn’t think they’d hurt you because they were.” He stands, and you track his movements. You feel stupid, even less certain. But he was so much older, how did you even meet - and yet-

You believe him.

“Gabriel, I-” You’re not even sure what you were going to say but you felt the need to continue. It makes sense, why the Ghosts would want you alive, why’d they want to hurt you.

But they’re home. They were home once.

“I’m sorry," he says, “I should have told you from the start, I didn’t want to overwhelm you.” He moves towards you and kisses the top of your head.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Is all he says before he leaves.

And you almost hate him for it, he has ripped away the idea that you had a family that loved you. Of course, you didn’t have a family, you only had Gabriel.

But he was so much older, how did you even meet - how?

The man who has been nothing but respectful and kind. Your husband.

It explains why the Ghosts want you. It explains why a highly capable, violent man remained calm with you despite freeing his sworn enemies. You hate how much it makes sense.

“He’s dangerous, and he knows exactly how to kill us,” It’s your father, a briefing before a mission.

Likely against Rorke. Your husband.

You don’t remember any of this.

The Ghosts had taken so much from you.

You had so many questions. Despite the answers Rorke had given you, you felt more in the dark than ever.

“You’re infuriating, you shouldn’t even be in that room, anything could-” You cut the man with the deep voice off by kissing him. He doesn’t hesitate - his hands reach for you. One hand on your waist pulls you towards him, the other holding the back of your head fingers in your hair as he devours you. He kisses you with such intensity your knees feel like they’re about to give out from beneath you. You whisper, “Shut up, Keegan,” against him as you lose yourselves in each other, he’s pushing you backwards until your back hits the wall. You gasp at the impact, and he raises one of your legs to his waist before he pushes his hips against yours, you moan into his mouth-

No. No.

How could a Ghost, Keegan, do those things to you in your memory and then so easily carve a knife into your skin?

You’re sobbing. Utterly frustrated at your inability to remember anything that could help you put your life back together.

You weren’t a Walker after all.

#askbryhoney #call of duty ghosts #cod keegan #keegan p russ #keegan russ x reader #I just want to apologise #This is not a rorke fanfic i do not like that man #protect the walkers at all costs #please don't hate me #i am sorry in advance #rorke is not a good guyyyy

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duhragonball · 7 months

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Akira Toriyama (1955-2024)

I wouldn't say I'm feeling better today, but I'm feeling less bad than yesterday. So let's see if I can put some words together.

In case anyone still hasn't heard, Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama passed away on March 1, 2024. This news was made public on March 7 or 8. I woke up early on Friday morning and found out while I was checking Twitter. I had a long, busy day at work, and I kept getting on my phone to scroll through fan reactions and tributes.

I think that, more than anything, is what's gotten me so worked up about his death. My Twitter timeline and my tumblr dashboard were just chock full of touching message and images about how Akira Toriyama's work has changed their lives. I wanted to write my own tribute, but I'm not sure what else I can say that hasn't already been expressed by Archie Comics, professional wrestling trio The New Day, and the Republic of El Salvador.

There's this immense, global community of fans, and it's easy to lose sight of just how big it is. It's easy to get bogged down in the infighting and petty squabbles. I saw one tweet responding to the criticism of Dragon Ball not being like this "entry level" franchise compared to other, more high brow anime and manga. It's popular with so many people, that critics will assume it's designed to appeal to the lowest-common-denominator. But the opposite is true! Dragon Ball is accessible, which is how so many people from so many different places and walks of life can get into it. The guy telling the story was such a master storyteller that he could grab an audience's attention and make it look easy. So easy that the haters would start to think that it was a trick, and he must be overrated.

Let me talk about this panel for a minute.

Last night I started going through the original manga, looking for panels to screencap. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I thought maybe a selection of panels that really stood out for me might be worth posting. I'll probably still do that one of these days, but I got to this one, where Gohan tells Chi-Chi about Goku's death, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

This was a powerful scene in the anime, of course, but in the comic it's even more profound. It's just one panel, no dialogue, because the reader already knows what's happening here. We know Gohan is telling his mother that Goku died in the Cell Games, and that he refuses to be wished back, because he thinks his presence on Earth will attract new enemies. It was hard enough to hear when Goku said it to Gohan and the others, and now Gohan has to relay that message to Goku's wife. All she can do is lie prostate on the floor and weep.

And look at the composition. She's surrounded by all that negative space. Gohan's there for her, but she still feels so alone, surrounded by her husband's absence. Pots of flour for food he'll never eat. An empty chair he might have sat in. Their son, who will have to grow up without him.

I saw this, as though for the first time, and it was so gut-wrenching that I had to post it by itself. I felt like it summed up my feelings better than any words could. We're all Chi-Chi in this panel, reacting to Akira Toriyama's death. And we're all Gohan too, each of us consoling one another with our own thoughts and tributes.

So what did Akira Toriyama mean to us all? Lots of people have answered this in a lot of different ways. Obviously his art, storytelling and cultural impact speak for themselves. I've seen people compare him to other luminaries like Jack Kirby and Osamu Tezuka. I'll try to add my own two cents with this:

I wrote a post about "Dragon Ball Daima" back when it was first announced, and I led off with this image of a note from Akira Toriyama. I guess this was from some big fancy presentation about Daima at a convention. I forget which one. In particular, I was skeptical that the Daima rumors were even true, and if they were, the whole idea seemed half-baked to me. Turning Goku into a kid had been done before, and it wasn't exactly successful the first time.

But this note from Toriyama was very reassuring to me. More than the trailer clips and character designs, this was what got me interested in the show. That's because he took the time to not only hype up the show, but also to explain what's going on behind the premise. He took the time to tell everyone that he's working on this show, and what "Daima" means, and why all the characters get turned into kids. It's "due to a conspiracy", and the good guys will have to "fix things". In short, he established a plot, conflict, and resolution to the story. He didn't just slap this together to sell new merch. I'm sure that was part of the motivation to make Daima, but there's more to it than that.

I think that's the loss I feel with Toriyama's passing. It's not that there won't be new Dragon Ball stories in the future. I'm sure others will continue telling their own versions long after I'm gone. I'm not that worried about the fate of Daima. I'm sure they'll figure something out, whether it's delayed, rewritten, or canceled. But we'll never see another message from Toriyama to promote a new project, and that's what I'll miss. From here on, his credit will just be an acknowledgement of his past contributions.

There's this great credibility with Akira Toriyama's name. Fans will argue about how involved he was in a project as a way of establishing how good or bad it was. Dragon Ball GT has his name on the credits, and he provided some designs and artwork early on, and for some fans that proves the series has his endorsement. For others, the sole problem with the show is that he wasn't directly writing the script. There's similar debates over Dragon Ball Super, where he was involved, but only writing those mysterious "notes". So if a fan doesn't like something in DBS, who do they blame? Did Toriyama lose his touch, or did his co-creators fumble the ball? Dragon Ball Evolution basically ignored all of Toriyama's advice and bombed, while Battle of Gods, Resurrection F, Broly, and Super Hero all put Toriyama's writing credits up at the very beginning, and each film made plenty of money. I read his comments on the Daima confirmation, and immediately thought "Okay, this should be pretty good. Akira Toriyama knows what's up."

That's gone now. I mean, there's still a lot of talent out there, but we'll never again have the little gas mask-wearing robot telling us that this story will be good because he worked on making it good. I don't think I really appreciated how much I trusted that guy until now. I still can't believe he's really gone.

I'll probably have more to say about this in the coming days, but I'll stop here for now. Thanks for letting me ramble a bit on this.

#dragon ball #akira toriyama

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reikorun · 7 months

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KlubOutside Q&A 101-200 [Translation]

Translated by @reikorun

Q101.

2021.05.10

Renji is my favorite character, but my surprise exceeded my delight at seeing him as Ichigo's counterpart on the cover of the JET illustration collection. I would like to know if there is a reason why you chose Renji as the paired character?

A101.

On the contrary, I've never once thought of Ichigo's counterpart as anyone other than Renji.

Q102.

2021.05.10

Are there any recent Jump manga that you find interesting?

A102.

Jump manga have been interesting lately huh? My absolute favorites are Undead Unluck and SAKAMOTO DAYS. And recently, High School Family: Kokosei Kazoku too.

Q103.

2021.05.17

Are Harribel-sama's Fracción (Apacci, Sung-Sun and Mila Rose) modeled after Nocchi, KASHIYUKA and a-chan from the music group "Perfume"?

A103.

A long time ago, I was asked the same question by the individuals in question themselves. It's an incorrect assumption, however I like Perfume so I don't mind.

Q104.

2021.05.17

I have a question about the illustrations published in the Gallery's Guidelines on KlubOutside. Are the numbers noted on the side the Copic color number?

A104.

This is the screentone number (a polka dot pattern film that is cut and pasted onto an analog manuscript.)

Q105.

2021.05.17

Have you ever watched professional wrestling?

A105.

I used to watch WWE (known as WWF back then) quite often around the time The Rock was at his peak.

Q106.

2021.05.17

Did someone give Rōjūrō the nickname "Rose" because it was difficult to call him "Rōjūrō"?

A106.

Rose gave himself that nickname because he thinks it's cool.

Q107.

2021.05.17

Why does Ninny wear suspenders in the BTW anime?

A107.

When they saw her wearing it in the color spread for the one-shot, the anime team said "it's cute so is it okay if she wears it the whole time in the anime?"

Q108.

2021.05.24

I think the illustrations from Brave Souls at this opportune time captures the essence of the original work and is incredibly cool, as the original author, what sort of impressions do you have of the Brave Souls illustrations?

A108.

I think it's getting better with each passing year. The design roughs that are submitted for supervision are also excellent.

Q109.

2021.05.24

Where do you start from when making a drawing?

A109.

When I'm not doing a rough underdrawing, I start from the bone around the eyebrows.

Q110.

2021.05.24

I'd like to know about what you've purchased and found useful recently, or something that you're enjoying.

A110.

A Yogibo Pod, Tom Ford sneakers, JINS PC glasses.

Q111.

2021.05.24

Is the playlist on KlubOutside the list that Kubo-sensei is listening to?

A111.

I'm uploading the songs I often listen to in real time.

Q112.

2021.05.24

Did Kubo-sensei decide the OP and ED songs for the anime?

A112.

Basically that doesn't involve me. Occasionally, I'd receive a demo version, and there were also times when I gave a little input when it didn't feel like much of an opening theme.

Q113.

2021.05.31

Will you ever publish a continuation of your one-shot stories like Rune Master Urara.

A113.

Urara had a story prepared for the purpose of serialization but it didn't get past the serialization meeting because it had a female protagonist in a battle setting and the story was hellishly dark. I'm not interested in drawing dark stories right now, but I might do it if I get a lot of free time.

Q114.

2021.05.31

Kubo-sensei, please tell us your favorite font (like Ming typeface or Gothic typeface etc.)

A114.

During BLEACH's serialization, I liked Impact.

Q115.

2021.05.31

Byakuya-san said that Ichigo was only the second person to ever bear witness to his Senkei, but who was the first person to have seen it?

A115.

I can't answer this here.

Q116.

2021.05.31

Regarding the animation production, you mentioned that it would make your stomach hurt while watching it at home due to discrepancies that arose from your lack of involvement in its early days. But, from approximately what episode did Tite-sensei get his hands involved in the production?

A116.

Starting from the Bount arc, I began to do only dialogue checks in the script for the characters belonging to the original work, just before recording.

Q117.

2021.05.31

Old-man Zangetsu tried to reveal his name while in Kurosaki Ichigo-kun's inner world, but it was blocked out with black ink and he was unable to convey his message. Was this the work of Hyōsube Ichibē.

A117.

That's correct.

Q118.

2021.06.07

Is "Rondanini's black dog" Kotodama originating from the West Branch of Soul Society? ×[1]

A118.

That's right.

Q119.

2021.06.07

Your photos of Uni-chan are very beautiful, did you take them with a digital camera? Or was it a smartphone?

A119.

A smartphone.

Q120.

2021.06.07

Did Captain Hitsugaya and Rangiku-san realize that Ichigo is Shiba Isshin's son when they came to the Human World as part of the Hitsugaya advance team?

A120.

Both of them realized.

Q121.

2021.06.07

It's come to be that Gin's Special Move in Brave Souls is "Shukyoku - Kamishini no Yari, Butō: Renjin." Is this "Shukyoku" an established concept in the original work?

A121.

That's heart Gin isn't it? It's a game original expression.

Q122.

2021.06.07

When you listen to a character's theme song, it can heighten the depth of each individual considerably, so I enjoy having the opportunity to listen to them. At what stage in the development of a character are these theme songs decided?

A122.

It depends on the character. Some characters change midway through the drawing process.

Q123.

2021.06.14

What kind of thoughts went into the name "Tite", Kubo-sensei's pen-name? The alphabetical notation has always been "Tite" rather than "Taito", but is there some reason for that? Furthermore, I'm also curious as to why the unusual character "帯" is used in your name.

A123.

It means something like "one's head is always filled with many people." ×[2]

Q124.

2021.06.14

When Kurotsuchi Mayuri's bare face was revealed for the first time, his skin color was dark, but was that the case from the beginning? Also, will Kurotsuchi Mayuri's bare face never be seen again? He was more handsome than I expected.

A124.

This is about the anime? I recall watching the broadcast at the time and saying to my editor "his skin color is different!" The request for editorial supervision didn't come to me.

Q125.

2021.06.14

Which organization assigns names to Hollows?

A125.

There's a guy in charge of naming in the Shinigami Research and Development Institute.

Q126.

2021.06.14

In the final chapter, Orihime appeared as Ichigo's wife, but there was no ring on her left ring finger. Did Kubo-sensei forget to draw it? Or is it establishing that she's pregnant with her second child and her body is swollen, therefore she intentionally took off her ring?

A126.

Huh? You're right! I forgot to draw it.

Q127.

2021.06.14

Why were two Hyōrinmaru born?

A127.

I'd be happy if you could watch the movies as a parallel story rather than considering it part of the official canon.

Q128.

2021.06.21

How do you come up with the subtitle for each chapter? In BLEACH especially, most of the subtitles are in English and occasionally there is Japanese, but is there a particular emphasis placed on that? Additionally, I would be so glad if you could also tell us about any subtitles throughout your entire body of work that you are particularly fond of or any that evoke some special memory.

A128.

At the time, there was no other work yet which combined Japanese style clothing with the English alphabet, so I deliberately added English subtitles, and in special chapters I made a point of adding Japanese subtitles in order to leave an impression. In that sort of sense, many people may prefer the Japanese subtitles.

Q129.

2021.06.21

I was interested in manga artists' fan clubs and joined one! I started reading BLEACH for the first time last week and am currently on volume 22. I'm looking forward to getting to the final volume! I would really like to know who exactly is sensei's favorite character!?

A129.

Eh? You joined without reading BLEACH!? Is this person real…. I don't have a favorite character. On the whole, I like them all about the same and am equally uninterested in them about the same.

Q130.

2021.06.21

To what extent is Kubo-sensei involved with Brave Souls? Did you ever get to play it again?

A130.

The gameplay mechanics don't concern me, but I oversee the design for the anniversary characters and characters who appear to affect the main story similar to the novel variants. I returned to the game after a long hiatus during BTW, but I was surprised at just how much easier it has become to play.

Q131.

2021.06.21

How did you decide the names of your characters? Do you have some kind of image in mind when you come up with names like "Bambietta Basterbine" and "Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez" etc.?

A131.

Everything is named based on how it sounds and my own intuition. I genuinely love naming things, so I always have a list of names belonging to (or sound like they belong to) various nationalities, enough to accommodate several hundred characters. I often draw out names from there.

Q132.

2021.06.21

A fair amount of difference can be observed in Kubo-sensei's art style when comparing the first volume with the last volume, but did you intend for this change at the time the manga was being serialized? Or did it change over the course of drawing a large number of illustrations?

A132.

It's not so much a conscious effort, but more like a perpetual feeling that this isn't the best style for portraying my characters, and I'm trying to explore that while drawing. In the case of BLEACH, of course the final stages are closer to the ideal, and at present I'm even closer to that ideal compared to back then.

Q133.

2021.06.28

I believe Tōsen can Hollowfy → activate Resurrección, but can Ichigo and members of the Visored do this too? Does this mean that both Bankai and Resurrección are possible if they are in a Hollowfied state?

A133.

It's possible.

Q134.

2021.06.28

Is "Top of Horns" a metaphor for various genres of music? For example, I think Bruno represents rock and roll and Roy represents R&B.

A134.

It's different for Top of Horns, but it was actually like that for the Visored.

Q135.

2021.06.28

Please unveil the mystery behind "Ururu" and "Jinta". Who are they?

A135.

They are both Artificial Souls created by Kisuke.

Q136.

2021.06.28

In the illustrations for BLEACH, the characters are seen wearing western style clothes with various designs, but were these designs drawn independently by Kubo-sensei himself.

A136.

All illustrations in the original work are my own designs, all illustrations from the anime do not concern me.

Q137.

2021.06.28

Sensei, when you draw an illustration, do you draw the figure and such without using any references, like an artist's mannequin?

A137.

I once went to check out an art supply store because I thought it would be cool to have a drawing mannequin in my workplace, like one of those skilled painters, but in the end I didn't buy it since I couldn't figure out how to correctly use it as a reference.

Q138.

2021.07.05

I like Senju Kōten Taihō and often chant it, does sensei have a favorite incantation to chant too?

A138.

I generally always like the newest ones the best, so right now it's probably Blue Spark or Supernal Jail.

Q139.

2021.07.05

Was the BLEACH logo sensei's idea?

A139.

That's correct. I had a logo which I drew myself brought to life by an acquaintance, Shueisha bought it and are using it. By the way, the logo on the first chapter spread of Zombiepowder is hand-drawn, and I had BTW use my hand-drawn logo as is.

Q140.

2021.07.05

When you were contemplating the map of Karakura Town, were there any places that you used as reference?

A140.

I sort of used my local town as reference but it turned out completely different.

Q141.

2021.07.05

If it's okay, I would like to know Hinamori Momo-san's name before the change. Also, besides Hinamori-san, are there any other characters whose names have been changed since the initial stages?

A141.

I changed it because it wasn't very good, so the original is a secret. Additionally, Hitsugaya had a completely different first name too until the very last moment of the manuscript. This is also a secret.

Q142.

2021.07.12

I have a question regarding Kira Izuru-kun's healing abilities and the history of his affiliations. He was first assigned to Captain Aizen's 5th Division, while there he was found to have an aptitude for Kaidō and was recruited to the 4th division, but does that mean that he was later poached by Ichimaru Gin of Squad 3?

A142.

When he was a member of Squad 4, it was Aizen who recommended the transfer to Unohana.

Q143.

2021.07.12

How was it that Kuna Mashiro came to be appointed as "Super Vice-Captain"? Is her armband official? (Personally, I think it's something she wilfully made on her own, or perhaps someone in her Squad prepared it just to placate her.)

A143.

When Kensei returned to the position of Captain, Mashiro pestered Kensei alone saying it's "unfair", so it's a post that Kensei made up himself without consulting anyone. The armband is also a complete fake made with shiny material in the hope that it would please Mashiro. Though, with a single glance Mashiro was satisfied.

Q144.

2021.07.12

In volume 31, when Grimmjow tried to break Loly's leg clean off, she says "if you stop, wait! We can make this our secret!" What was she trying to say next? I haven't spoken openly about it much since being told that I have a bad personality, but the scenario before and after that scene is one of my favorites!!

A144.

It was "I'll let you have your way with me." Loly's the kind of character who would deliver a line like that when she's in a desperate situation. A famous manga artist friend of mine once told me that he loved that scene too, so I think it's fine to openly discuss it.

Q145.

2021.07.12

I thought that the 5 members of the Bambies from the Wandenreich looked similar to Momoiro Clover Z, but what are the facts actually like?

A145.

The very first design motif I used for them was indeed Momoclo, but after I had finalized the characters I thought "well then, who is Gigi?" So I decided not to say anything. (I just said it.)

Q146.

2021.07.12

I'm really looking forward to the Ninny-chan and Noel-chan figurines, when will the news be updated?!

A146.

I'm looking forward to it too. I wonder when!?

Q147.

2021.07.12

Kubo-sensei, do you drink alcohol? If so, what kind of alcohol do you like?

A147.

I recently discovered that I'm able to drink if it's "Horoyoi*." I like the white one. (*Horoyoi is a brand of canned, alcoholic beverage in Japan.)

Q148.

2021.07.12

Do you have a favorite YouTuber?

A148.

I don't know if I can classify them as YouTubers, but I sometimes watch YouTube videos of people free diving then catching and eating strange fish.

Q149.

2021.07.19

Why is the Shihakushō, which can also be called the Shinigami uniform, black? Is it so that the Monk can enlist their help in case of an emergency?

A149.

The color was decided upon in the days of first Gotei generation, the reason was "so you wouldn't have to throw it away every time it gets stained with blood." However, your idea about the Monk would also make a good backstory.

Q150.

2021.07.19

How do members of the Sternritter perceive Giselle Gewelle's gender? Are they not aware of it, are they aware but pretending not to notice it, or are they just not interested in it? I would be glad if you could tell us.

A150.

It depends on the person.

Q151.

2021.07.19

I have a question concerning Kusajishi Yachiru. Is it a result of the fact that she was called by the name "Yachiru" that she herself possessed a Zanpakutō called "Sanpo Kenjū", while also being "Nozarashi" - the Zanpakutō of Zaraki Kenpachi?

Like Hihiō Zabimaru or Fuji Kujaku, there are many scenes where a Zanpakutō not called by its true name was unable to demonstrate its true power. I reckon "Nozarashi" bore the essence of a Shinigami and materialized as a consequence of being called by the name "Yachiru" - a Shinigami who actually exists, and perhaps because it was the name "Yachiru" (*Yachi = eight thousand, Ru = flows/styles), she acquired Sanpo Kenjū which was specialized for the act of cutting.

I'm quite curious about the true identity of Kusajishi Yachiru, so I'd be overjoyed if you could give us an answer.

A151.

Wow, amazing! It's not even written that Yachiru is Nozarashi, yet you managed to find your way here. You are mostly correct within the scope covered by your question. To go further, Yachiru is a form of Nozarashi's Bankai manifestation separated from its main body, and having received her name from Kenpachi, she harbored the power of a Shinigami. The embodiment of Nozarashi itself takes the form of a grown woman. I think it's easier to understand if I got you to imagine Zangetsu and Tensa Zangetsu.

Q152.

2021.07.19

Why are the names of Chad and Orihime's Fullbring not in English unlike the members of XCUTION? I was intrigued because sensei used different languages for naming depending on the faction.

A152.

Since these two are in a special category, their abilities were given names in their respective native languages.

Q153.

2021.07.19

With Madarame Ikkaku's appearance in the Fullbring chapters, attached to his right shoulder we see some kind of gold plated equipment with the kanji for "dragon" printed on it, is that his own work? I'm curious because it's established in the lore that he's good with his hands.

A153.

It's Ikkaku's own work.

Q154.

2021.07.19

What kind of person is the manager of ABCookies where Orihime worked?

A154.

I have the concept art for him. I ended up having so much fun while drawing him that he became a creepy old man, but he's a good person.

Q155.

2021.07.26

Did Baraggan not reveal his own rank, nor refer to himself as "Espada" due to his rivalry with Aizen?

A155.

That's right.

Q156.

2021.07.26

Please tell us your favorite places in Hiroshima!

A156.

I don't get to go back that often, but I like Soleil (now Aeon Mall). It's huge and exciting.

Q157.

2021.07.26

Is it intentional that the number of English words used in the subtitle from BLEACH chapter 679 "THE END" up to 683 "THE DARK SIDE OF TWO WORLD ENDS" increases with each chapter?

A157.

Yes.

Q158.

2021.07.26

Aizen said "From the very start, no one has stood upon the heavens," and while looking at Ukitake he said "not you, not I, nor even gods," but was this "you" here hinting at the connection between Ukitake and the Soul King?

A158.

That is correct.

Q159.

2021.07.26

The haori, jinbei, and hat which Urahara Kisuke wears in the Human World can probably be described as his only good clothes, did Urahara Kisuke himself purchase them at a Human World draper or something?

A159.

Those are all items Kisuke made himself.

Q160

2021.07.26

To what extent does Kubo-sensei supervise the color scheme of the digital color tankōbon?

A160.

I'm supposed to give them all a look over around the time of their debut, but since I'm making my checks while busy with other things during serialization, I sometimes find myself wondering "did I really choose this kind of color!?" In Brave Souls, occasionally the color of the skills just happen to change, well that is the reason why. I'm sorry!

Q161.

2021.08.02

Spanish is used for words related to the Arrancar and Hueco Mundo, German is used for words related to the Wandenreich and Quincy, but I would like to know why you chose these two languages? Does Kubo-sensei have a special attachment to both languages?

A161.

I think Spanish has a devilish charm, German has a hard-headed sound to it. By the way, when I told this story at an event in Germany, it was amusing to the Germans. It seems that the German people themselves consider the German national traits to be "idyllic and easygoing", apparently they found it amusing because of the disparity between this and my "hard-headed sound" assessment.

Q162.

In the 13BLADEs. "Frank Questions!" segment, you said that you haven't actually drawn a certain character's Bankai up to its final form yet, was that referring to adult Hitsugaya? If so, from what point in time did you decide you were going to draw the concept of a "slightly aged up" Hitsugaya?

A162.

I was talking about Hitsugaya. It was decided when Hitsugaya was designed therefore it was already decided by the time he debuted.

Q163.

2021.08.02

Kubo-sensei, please tell us the reason why you named your dog "Uni".

A163.

It's an anagram of 'inu'. Just kidding. I named my dog "Uni" because it was expected that her fur would become orange as she grew. It turned out to be a burnt mochi-like color though. ×[3]

Q164.

2021.08.02

Taking into account Isshin and Masaki's origins, it seems to me that Ichigo's grandparents do not exist in the Human World, but is "Grandpa Rin", whose name was mentioned in the Lost Agent arc, an individual who actually exists? Is he a relative of Tsukishima-san?

A164.

Tsukishima Rinshirō. He's Tsukishima's grandfather.

Q165.

2021.08.02

In the past, there was a "Love Bleach" film featured at a BLEACH event, but would you consider launching the actual product for sale in the future?!

A165.

"Love Bleach", wasn't that supposed to be some kind of dating simulation game? I guess, If a game company can make a profit, I don't see why not. ×[4]

Q166.

2021.08.02

I went to the opening day stage greeting for BURN THE WITCH! I saw on social media that sensei also came to see it, but where did you watch it from?

A166.

The seats on the 2nd floor are like cozy sofas. It was awesome.

Q167. *Deleted entry from KlubOutside*

2021.08.09

This is a question regarding the origins of the name "Yhwach". In the original work, it was derived from being called "Yū", "ha", "vē", "ha", but does this have its roots in the monotheistic God of Judaism and Christianity, "YHVH" (Jehovah, Yahweh)?

A167.

Originally the spelling of "Yhwach" itself was like that, but I was asked to change it because it would 100% cause controversy overseas so it's come to be this current spelling.

Q167.

2021.08.09

Has the status of the Shinigami Men's Association improved since Iba-san, its President, became Captain?

Q167.

Isane also became a Captain, so….

Q168.

2021.08.09

In the earliest iterations of BLEACH, the Shinigami wear Western-style outfits and are armed with guns. It seems that in this universe, Rukia was the only one among them to use a scythe, but what was the reason for making Rukia the only one to wield a different weapon?

A168.

The lore was that Rukia was the only one who continued to use an old-fashioned scythe due to a difference in ideology. Also, at the time, the Shinigami characters were all foreigners.

Q169.

2021.08.09

I would like to know the origin of the name "Macy Baljure" (it's my favorite). If possible, please by all means, let us know!

A169.

I don't know the origin, but Macy's name was the one I struggled with the most and I made alterations within the name alone like three times.

Q170.

2021.08.09

Is there any difference between a short release call for a Zanpakutō and a long one like in the case of Kyōraku or Ukitake?

A170.

Basically, the longer ones are often older Zanpakutō.

Q171.

2021.08.09

When drawing manga, do you tend to forget details in the costume blueprints for characters who, for instance, you haven't drawn in a long time?

A171.

I forget things very easily. Even during the series, I forgot the location of Rangiku's mole.

Q172.

2021.08.16

Did you devise the opening and ending of the BLEACH anime together with the anime staff? I was wondering if sensei's ideas were incorporated as well.

A172.

I'm not involved with the OP & EDs. Each one is good in it's own way.

Q173.

2021.08.16

Why did Hisagi fail the entrance exam for the Academy twice?

A173.

Because it's Shūhei.

Q174.

2021.08.16

Regardless of whether they were in a higher or lower position, members of the Visored have been quite casual since their days as Shinigami, using informal language and addressing each other without honorifics. Just because they're all together, I don't think that necessarily means that they were at the Academy at the same time, so what could be the driving force for them to have become this close?

A174.

All of them are diehard individualists, or rather, the type to follow their own rules, so people of that type get along well with each other, and I get the impression that because they're the same type, many people don't care how informal they are with one another. Rather than a 'driving force', it's more like "for some reason, I feel like I talk to this guy a lot."

Q175.

2021.08.16

I love Sado-kun. I would like to know if there is a backstory regarding Sado-kun's tattoo such as when and how he got it inked.

A175.

When his Abuelo died, Sado got it inked in order to keep his spirit strong.

Q176.

2021.08.16

What is sensei's shoe size in cm? Also, if you have any favorite shoes, please let us know!

A176.

My ankles are big, so it's 27 or 27.5. I like shoes but I don't particularly have a favorite brand.

Q177.

2021.08.16

Are you reading what your fans are writing in the comments in the [DESKSIDE] section of your website?

A177.

I'm reading them all.

Q178.

2021.08.23

This isn't really a question, but I hope that the Radio Kon letters segment, which appeared in the early Tankōbon, makes a comeback.

A178.

I didn't want to do that anymore because I had to draw the cutout faces of characters, every volume, just for that segment which was quite exhausting. I planned to do this myself though.

Q179.

2021.08.23

Will sensei's illustrations mainly be done digitally from now on? I'm curious because I love the illustrations that were colored with sensei's Copic markers. Also, which one do you prefer, sensei?

A179.

Right now, I'm having fun with digital. I'm still not very good at using digital, but going forward, I'd like to be able to switch back and forth between both depending on my mood.

Q180.

2021.08.23

I would like to know what your favorite buildings are?

A180.

"The National Congress Palace, Brasília" by Oscar Niemeyer and Louis Kahn's "Salk Institute for Biological Studies". Oscar Niemeyer is the origin of Nimaiya Ōetsu's name.

Q181.

2021.08.23

Why does Tatsuki want to become stronger? Her name seems strong, though there is some backstory which revealed that Tatsuki herself doesn't like it, so I'm just allowing myself to imagine that perhaps her parents work at a dojo or do something related to martial arts. I'm also very interested about Orihime in her middle school days, viewed from Tatsuki's perspective. Ichigo and Orihime's pasts have points of similarity, being bullied because of their hair color and experiencing the death of a family member, so I wonder if Tatsuki noticed that they have these things in common?

A181.

The karate dojo that Ichigo used to attend is attached to Tatsuki's home. Additionally, in a flashback which I had to cut due to page limitations, there was a scene where Tatsuki draws a parallel between Ichigo and Orihime. You're quite the reader, huh?

Q182.

2021.08.23

I want to be able to draw illustrations like Kubo-sensei so I'm practicing, but whether it be male or female characters, please let me know if there are any points you pay particular attention to when drawing people.

A182.

There isn't much difference in how I depict men and women. I get the sense that I draw each character with a feeling that's like "this aspect of this character is good."

Q183.

2021.08.23

I have a question about the feathers around Yumichika's eyes. When he appeared in the story about Ikkaku's past, and also 10 years later, it doesn't appear that he's wearing any accessories, but is that sort of like ‘his thing’ these days?

A183.

All the things Yumichika wears are fashionable items, so it varies depending on the season.

Q184.

2021.08.30

What is your favorite Doraemon movie?

A184.

It's "Little Star Wars." It's because I like the theme song.

Q185.

2021.08.30

I would like to know the details about the relationship between Mask De Masculine and James. Is it correct to infer from Yhwach's line "James, so you have died?" that Masculine is like a false manifestation and James is his true form.

A185.

James is the true form, and Masculine is James's ideal hero.

Q186.

2021.08.30

Regarding the subtitle of BLEACH volume 6 "THE DEATH TRILOGY OVERTURE", if literally translated, it becomes "prologue to the Shinigami trilogy", I think perhaps this means the prologue of the series is about facing the Shinigami, the second chapter is about facing the Arrancar and the final chapter is about facing the Quincy. Is it that you decided on the overall structure of the story from the early stages, resulting in a title like this?

A186.

That is so. Since the Lost Agent arc initially wasn't about Shinigami, it was my plan to mix elements of both preceding and upcoming chapters for a smoother transition.

Q187.

2021.08.30

I know this is a terrible question, but I would like to know Kuchiki Rukia's bust, waist and hip measurements….

A187.

It's a secret. All the people asking about BWH measurements and other boob related questions are women…. Well, it's fine then I guess.

Q188.

2021.08.30

Some time ago, I watched you begin to draw an illustration on a Shikishi board by hand and without a rough sketch too for Jigoku no Misawa-sensei, I was in shock thinking "you must be kidding…." When you draw a picture, are you drawing with a clear image of the whole composition already in a completed state in your head? Also, where do you usually start from when drawing a character? I was all the more astonished because I saw Kubo-sensei's craft in a character that was not sensei's own. ×[5]

A188.

From the time I was an elementary school student, I have been drawing Kitarō starting from his toes, so ever since then, the order in which I draw things has always been chaotic.

Q189.

2021.09.06

Ichigo's attendance score is 13 overall and 6 for male student attendance score, these are also the respective numbers of the squads to which Rukia and Renji belong, that is, two Shinigami with whom he shares a particularly close bond. Was this something you set up intentionally?

A189.

It's just a coincidence. 6 is my lucky number so it makes a frequent appearance within the story.

Q190.

2021.09.06

When I look at illustrations, I often look at the fashion designs of the characters, but I am always impressed by how meticulously Kubo-sensei's illustrations depict the structural lines and details of the clothing. I would like to know if there are any fashion brands and the like which you associate with a certain character's image?

A190.

I was about to say that for every character I've never thought "this character would probably wear this brand", but there was actually one individual alone. Äs Nödt would wear Rick Owens.

Q191.

2021.09.06

Your pen-name in the past was Kubo Noriaki, but why was your name changed to Tite?

A191.

That's because that 'pen-name' is actually my real name and on top of that, it was a misprint.

Q192.

2021.09.06

How old is Ikumi-san from Unagiya Shop?

A193.

She's 33.

Q193.

2021.09.06

In the original story and the novels, it is mentioned that Soul Society has a one million year history, but of the Four Great Noble Houses, if Byakuya is the 28th generation and Yoruichi is 22nd generation, it seems this falls short of one million years, what do you think?

A193.

The history of the Nobles is the history of the Seireitei, not Soul Society.

Q194.

2021.09.06

I remember that Kubo-sensei frequently used an au talby A5508SA cell phone for many years. Is that the same cell phone model that is hanging from Ichigo's waist on the cover of WJ issue 23, 2005, and the same one that Rukia is clutching in her hand on the cover of chapter 298

A194.

That's right. I still have it at home. I love Marc Newson.

Q195.

2021.09.13

Kubo-sensei, do you prefer raw eggs, boiled eggs, or hot spring eggs?

A195.

I like raw eggs. Isn't this dependent on one's eating habits?

Q196.

2021.09.13

"PIPERS" WOVEN JACQUARD MUFFLER was sold on Whiskrs, but does sensei own serial number 1? (*These were sold in a limited number of 99)

A196.

I have it. Personally, I thought it would have been easier to use if it was a little longer.

Q197.

2021.09.13

Ganju who reappeared in the Thousand-Year Blood War arc has, from where I'm standing, gained a butt-chin, but did that just happen over the course of his growth? Or was it the discipline he received from Kūkaku, or perhaps he was influenced by Shiroganehiko who similarly has a butt-chin? I would be grateful if you could tell us.

A197.

Huh? Wait, Ganju wasn't supposed to have a butt-chin!? Well then, let's go with growth!

Q198.

2021.09.13

The name Nīhashi = 15 → 2+1+8+4.

The names Nīha and Ninny = 15 → Nīha: 2+1+8 and Ninny: 2+2.

Is this something you were setting up as a goal? ×[6]

A198.

I happened to see this on Twitter and surprised myself. The person who spotted this is amazing. However, it's just a coincidence.

Q199.

2021.09.13

Hitsugaya always wears something that looks like a brooch, it appears to be a marigold, is this correct?

A199.

You mean the clip on his sash which held his sword in his earlier appearances? That's a sun motif.

Q200.

2021.09.13

I would like to see that school parody with the BLEACH cast (the one that was in JET), will it be released somewhere?!

A200.

I want to see that too, but it would be hard to draw the manga myself, so I'm thinking of sharing character profiles and maybe someone will draw it for me.

Translation Footnotes:

×1. "Rondanini's black dog" is part of an incantation for a Kidō spell. See BLEACH chapter 21.

×2. 帯 = to wear/ to carry/ to bear | 人= people | 帯人 (Tite) = to bear people

×3. The joke is: Inu = dog in Japanese. Uni is sea urchin, in Japan we eat sea urchin as sashimi or sushi and it is orange in color.

×4. Back in 2005, a BLEACH dating simulation game parody video, known as "Love Bleach" was made by staff for a BLEACH event. The gag involved teasing a TBA dating simulator. The video is available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0cA-jySdzYE?si=-5OX0MQX1bZKsqws

×5. Tite Kubo drawing for Jigoku No Misawa: https://youtu.be/xRAfswhrQC4?si=6rgKaPK94EbzcBY1

×6. Based on Japanese numerals, Ni = 2, i = 1, ha = 8 shi = 4.

#kluboutside #tite kubo #bleach #translation #ichigo kurosaki #orihime inoue #uryuu ishida #chad yasutora #renji abarai #rukia kuchiki #ichihime #renruki #burn the witch #ninny spangcole #noel niihashi #shuhei hisagi #kisuke urahara #ikkaku madarame #Zangetsu

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whatdoeseverybodywant · 10 months

Text

LOVE - Chapter 9

After getting back together, Janelle finds out thats she’s pregnant. Follow along with Josh and Janelle as they deal with the highs and lows of her pregnancy.

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤

Janelle is played by Justine Skye

Sequel to All I Need Is You: Read Here

Catch up on all other parts here

TAGLIST: @christinabae@southerngirl41@reci24@jeyusos-girl@jeyusosgirl@melaninsugababy@baconeggndcheez@bemybabiibish@jstarr86@nbanenefrmdao@purplehairgawdess@arination99@alyyaanna@m3llowww@gomussy@jeysbae@hennyyybarb@babysyhsy @bebesobrielo @theninthwonder @romansnumberonegirl

The next two months were hectic for Janelle with the addition of Malachi and dealing with her postpartum depression. Mama Fatu had come over everyday and helped Janelle with everything and even if Janelle didn’t need anything done, Mama Fatu would just come and sit with her and sometimes even Trinity on her off days from IMPACT! Wrestling

But right now, she was all alone, Mama Fatu was sick and didn’t want to give Malachi any unnecessary germs, which was understandable. Trinity was busy, Josh and Jon were on the road and her father had taken Xavier to the park just to give Janelle some quiet time while Malachi was sleeping.

But something told her to keep her dad and Xavier and her father home, she had this gut feeling that something was going to happen. And she was right because standing on her front porch was none other than Ximena.

“Girl, what the hell do you want?”Janelle stressed as she opened the door. She was not in the mood to deal with this woman’s bullshit. Ximena cracked a smile and the irritated look on Janelle’s face.

“Oh, you had your baby. Congratulations.” Ximena chuckled when Janelle crossed her arms over her chest and said nothing. “Whatever is my son here?” Janelle rolled her eyes and went to shut the door in Ximena’s face but she placed her foot in the way, preventing it from closing.

“Ximena go away. Xavi doesn’t want to see you. Josh told you that already.” Ximena scoffed.

“I don’t understand why y’all would let a 4 year old decide what he wants. It makes no sense to me.”

“It doesn't have to make sense to you.” Janelle snapped back, the scowl on her face deepening. “How me and Josh raise our sons has no effect on you.” The smirk on Ximena’s face was gone in an instant.

“You ain’t pregnant nomore.” Ximena said, “I will whoop ya ass.”

“Try me bitch. I’ve been waiting for the day you put ya hands on me.” Janelle hissed, opening the door wider and stepping into Ximena’s personal space. When Ximena didn’t do anything Janelle smirked. “That’s what I thought. Now get the hell off my property.” Not waiting for a response, Janelle walked back into the house, slamming the door behind her, which of course woke up Malachi, who was sleeping in the living room.

“Perfect,” She mumbled before going to attend to him.

That bad feeling that Janelle had was still there two days later, which happened to be the day of Xavier’s 5th birthday party. Even with all of the planning and setting up Janelle just couldn’t shake off that feeling.

“You good?” Josh asked, walking up to her holding Malachi. She had just finished setting up the balloon arch near the entrance to the backyard. She snapped out of her thoughts and nodded her head.

“Yup.Peachy” She answered, making Josh frown at her. “I’m fine. Promise.” She said, giving him a tight lipped smile. He was about to reply when the doorbell rang. “Hopefully that’s Jon and Trin with the drinks.” She hurried off back inside the house before he could say anything.

She groaned when she saw who was actually at the door. Not in the mood to deal with her, she walked back to the backyard to Josh. “Your baby momma is at the door.” She said, grabbing Malachi out of his hands.

Josh sighed and walked towards the front door. “What do you want?” He asked, eyeing the gift bags in her hand.

“Hello to you too Josh.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s my baby’s fifth birthday, what else would I want?”

Josh closed his eyes and sighed. Today was stressful enough, he did not want Ximean at this birthday party. “Look, I don’t think this is a good idea. Aight, Maybe you can come back tomorrow or something. Just not today.” Ximena narrowed her eyes at him.

“Look, I'm not tryna start no mess. It’s Xavier’s birthday and I just want to be there for him.”

“Listen” Josh sighed “I’m not tryna be mean right, but you missed every other birthday. What’s different about this one?” Ximena stayed silent staring at Josh.

Janelle had walked back into the house and was hiding behind the wall in the living room, listening to their conversation. She understood that Ximena was Xavier’s birth mother but Janelle wished she would just go away and leave her family alone.

“Why can’t I just see my son? This is not fair Josh. I made a mistake and you and your bitch of a fiance-”

“Woah,” Josh cut her off, pointing a finger in her face. “Watch ya’ damn mouth. Janelle has been more of a mother than you have ever been. You can’t keep coming here and insulting her.”

“No fuck that,” Ximena snapped pushing Josh’s finger out of her face. “I understand that I fucked up. Okay! I know that. I’m trying to be in my son's life but y’all are making it so fucking difficult.”

“No, you made it difficult when you kidnapped him.” Josh growled out. “You went about that shit wrong and you know it. You somehow knew where I lived, you could’ve just come here and asked to see him and I probably would have said yes. But instead you kidnapped him and scared him. I don’t want you around my son.”

Ximena stood there for a moment, staring Josh down before she scoffed and handed Josh the gift bag before walking back to her car and driving away.

“Is everything okay?” Janelle asked as she walked towards Josh. “What did she want?”

Josh shook his head and guided her back into the house. “Nothing, come-on people should be arriving soon."

The party was going well. A Lot of people had shown up, kids from Xavi’s new school and old school. And Xavi was having the time of his life.

“Come-on kids! It’s time to sing ‘happy birthday’.” Janelle called out to everyone. She smiled as she watched all of the kids run over and form a circle around Xavier and the cake. Just as everyone began singing to Xavi, Janelle saw a group of people yelling out her and Josh’s name as they entered the backyard through the side gate. Janelle made eye contact with Josh who immediately grabbed his brothers to see who it was. Janelle handed Mama Fatu the cake and tools her to take everyone inside before going to see what was going on with Trinity following her.

“What the fuck!” Janelle was seething when she saw who was causing the commotion. “What are you doing here!” Janelle was breathing heavily as she looked at the group of people in front of her who looked like they came dressed for a fight.

Ximena chucked at the enraged look on Janelle’s face. “I”m sick of you thinking you can dictate when I can see my son.”

“So you interrupt his birthday party? That genius.” Janelle rolled her eyes. “Do you have rocks for brains? The shit that you do is the reason why Xavier doesn’t want to see you.”

Ximena tried to step into Janelle’s face but Josh stepped in between them. “I told you I don’t want you around my son.”

“It’s her son too. That’s the part y’all not understanding.” Josh looked over at Ximena’s brother.

“So y’all think this shit is okay? Y’all think comin’ up in here looking for a fight is the way to get Ximena to see Xavi?” Jon and Sefa were now holding Josh back from attacking Sebastian. “I’m telling you, yall need to leave, now.” Josh spat out, trying to get out of his brother’s grip.

“Calm ya’ ass down. You got too much to lose.” Jon whispered to Josh but Josh wasn’t listening; he had his eyes focused on Sebastian.

Ximena was glaring at Janelle, she was sick of this bitch thinking that Xavi was her son. “Fuck it.” Ximena shrugged before attacking Janelle and tackling her to the ground.

“Oh Shit!” Trinity shouted before trying to get Ximena off of Janelle but Janelle flipped Ximena over and started to punch on her. Josh had broken free of Jon’s grip and attacked Sebastian and it was now a free-for-all. The group that Ximena had brought with her had run off and basically left her to fend for herself. After getting one last kick in on Sebastian, Josh rushed over to pull Janelle off of Ximena.

“I told ya’ bitch ass I was waiting for you to put ya’ hand on me. You done fucked up now!.” Janelle yelled, still kicking at Ximena as Josh pulled her away.

“Aye, relax. The police are on their way and we’re pressing charges. But you need to relax. We still have guests inside.” Janelle took a deep breath and tried to relax, but Ximena had her all the way fucked up. She could take the name calling and the looks but once Ximena put her hands on Janelle all bets were off.

“Imma go tell everyone to leave.” Trin said as she ran back inside. Jon and Sefa had blocked off the side gate so Ximena and her brother had nowhere to go but to jail.

Kind of an abrupt ending but Janelle finally beat Ximena's ass.

1 more chapter left ❤️

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤️

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mengjue · 2 years

Text

What's Happening in China? The November 2022 Protests

Hello! I know that there's so much going on in the world right now, so not everyone may be aware of what is happening in China right now. I thought that I would try to write a brief explainer, because the current wave of protests is truly unprecedented in the past 30+ years, and there is a lot of fear over what may happen next. For context, I'm doing this as someone who has a PhD in Asian Studies specialising in contemporary Chinese politics, so I don't know everything but I have researched China for many years.

I'll post some decent links at the end along with some China specialists & journalists I follow on Twitter (yeah I know, but it's still the place for the stuff at the moment). Here are the bullet points for those who just want a brief update:

Xi Jinping's government is still enacting a strict Zero Covid policy enforced by state surveillance and strict lockdowns.

On 24 November a fire in an apartment in Urumqi, Xinjiang province, killed 10. Many blamed strict quarantine policies on preventing evacuation.

Protests followed and have since spread nationwide.

Protesters are taking steps not seen since Tiananmen in 1989, including public chants for Xi and the CCP to step down.

Everyone is currently unsure how the government will respond.

More in-depth discussion and links under the cut:

First a caveat: this is my own analysis/explanation as a Chinese politics specialist. I will include links to read further from other experts and journalists. Also, this will be quite long, so sorry about that!

China's (aka Xi Jinping's) Covid Policy:

The first and most important context: Xi has committed to a strict Zero Covid policy in China, and has refused to change course. Now, other countries have had similar approaches and they undoubtedly saved lives - I was fortunate to live in New Zealand until this year, and Prime Minister Ardern's Zero Covid approach in 2020-2021 helped protect many. The difference is in the style/scope of enforcement, the use of vaccines, and the variant at play. China has stepped up its control on public life over the past 10 years, and has used this to enforce strict quarantine measures without full regard to the impact on people's lives - stories of people not getting food were common. Quarantine has also become a feared situation, as China moves people to facilities often little better than prisons and allegedly without much protection from catching Covid within. A personal friend in Zhengzhou went through national, then provincial, then local quarantines when moving back from NZ, and she has since done her best to avoid going back for her own mental and physical health. Xi has also committed China to its two home-grown vaccines, Sinovac and Sinopharm, both of which have low/dubious efficacy and are considered ineffective against new variants. Finally, with delta and then omicron most of the Zero-Covid countries have modified their approach due to the inability to maintain zero cases. China remains the only country still enacting whole-city eradication lockdowns, and they have become more frequent to the point that several are happening at any given time. The result is a population that is incredibly frustrated and losing hope amidst endless lockdowns and perceived ineffectiveness to address the pandemic.

Other Issues at Play:

Beyond the Covid situation, China is also wrestling with the continued slowdown in its economic growth. While its economic rise and annual GDP growth was nigh meteoric from the 80s to the 00s, it has been slowing over the past ten years, and the government is attempting to manage the transition away from an export-oriented economy to a more fully developed one. However, things are still uncertain, and Covid has taken its toll as it has elsewhere the past couple of years. Youth unemployment in particular is reaching new highs at around 20%, and Xi largely ignored this in his speech at the Party Congress in October (where he entered an unprecedented third term). As a result of the perceived uselessness of China's harsh work culture and its failure to result in a better life, many young Chinese have been promoting 躺平 tǎng píng or "lying flat", aka doing the bare minimum just to get by (similar to the English "quiet quitting"). The combination of economic issues and a botched Covid approach is important, as these directly affect the lives of ordinary middle-class Chinese, and historical it has only been when this occurred that mass movements really took off. The most famous, Tiananmen in 1989, followed China's opening up economic reforms and the dismantling of many economic safety nets allowing for growing inequality. While movements in China often grow to include other topics, having a foundation in something negatively impacting the average Han Chinese person's livelihood is important.

The Spark - 24 Nov 2022 Urumqi Apartment Fire:

The current protests were sparked by a recent fire that broke out in a flat in Urumqi, capital of the Xinjiang province. (This is the same Xinjiang that is home to the Uighur people, against whom China has enacted a campaign of genocide and cultural destruction.) The fire occurred in the evening and resulted in 10 deaths, which many online blamed on the strict lockdown measures imposed by officials, who prevented people from leaving their homes. It even resulted in a rare public apology by city officials. However, with anger being so high nationwide, in addition to many smaller protests that have occurred over the past two years, this incident has ignited a nationwide movement.

The Protests and Their Significance:

The protests that have broken out over the past couple of days representing the largest and most significant challenge to the leadership since the 1989 Tiananmen movement. Similar to that movement, these protests have occurred at universities and cities across the country, with many students taking part openly. This scale is almost unseen in China, particularly for an anti-government protest. Other than Tiananmen in 1989, the most widespread movements that have occurred have been incidents such as the protest of the 1999 Belgrade bombings or the 2005 and then 2012 anti-Japanese protests, all of which were about anger toward a foreign country.

Beyond the scale the protests are hugely significant in their message as well. Protesters are publicly shouting the phrases "习近平下台 Xí Jìnpíng xiàtái!" and "共产党下台 Gòngchǎndǎng xiàtái!", which mean "Xi Jinping, step down/resign!" and "CCP, step down/resign!" respectively. To shout a direct slogan for the government to resign is unheard of in China, particularly as Xi has tightened control of civil society. And people are doing this across the country in the thousands, openly and in front of police. This is a major challenge for a leader and party who have prioritised regime stability as a core interest for the majority of their history.

Looking Ahead:

Right now, as of 15:00 Australian Eastern time on Monday, 28 November 2022, the protests are only in their first couple of days and we are unsure as to how the government will respond. Police have already been seen beating protesters and journalists and dragging them away in vehicles. However, in many cases the protests have largely been monitored by police but still permitted to occur. There seems to be uncertainty as to how they want to respond just yet, and as such no unified approach.

Many potential outcomes exist, and I would warn everyone to be careful in overplaying what can be achieved. Most experts I have read are not really expecting this to result in Xi's resignation or regime change - these things are possible, surely, but it is a major task to achieve and the unity & scale of the protest movement remains to be fully seen. The government may retaliate with a hard crackdown as it has done with Tiananmen and other protests throughout the years. It may also quietly revamp some policies without publicly admitting a change in order to both pacify protesters and save face. The CCP often uses mixed tactics, both coopting and suppressing protest movements over the years depending on the situation. Changing from Zero Covid may prove more challenging though, given how much Xi has staked his political reputation on enforcing it.

What is important for everyone online, especially those of us abroad, is to watch out for the misinformation campaign the government will launch to counter these protests. Already twitter is reportedly seeing hundreds of Chinese bot accounts mass post escort advertisements using various city names in order to drown out protest results in the site's search engine. Chinese officials will also likely invoke the standard narrative of Western influence and CIA tactics as the reason behind the protests, as they did during the Hong Kong protests.

Finally, there will be a new surge of misinformation and bad takes from tankies, or leftists who uncritically support authoritarian regimes so long as they are anti-US. An infamous one, the Qiao Collective, has already worked to shift the narrative away from the protests and onto debating the merits of Zero Covid. This is largely similar to pro-Putin leftists attempting the justify his invasion of Ukraine. Always remember that the same values that you use to criticise Western countries should be used to criticise authoritarian regimes as well - opposing US militarism and racism, for example, is not incompatible with opposing China's acts of genocide and state suppression. If you want further info (and some good sardonic humour) on the absurd takes and misinfo from pro-China tankies, I would recommend checking out Brian Hioe in the links below.

Finally, keep in mind that this is a grass-roots protest made by people in China, who are putting their own lives at risk to demonstrate openly like this. There have already been so many acts of bravery by those who just want a better future for themselves and their country, and it is belittling and disingenuous to wave away everything they are doing as being just a "Western front" or a few "fringe extremists".

Links:

BBC live coverage page with links to analysis and articles

ABC (Australia) analysis

South China Morning Post analysis

Experts & Journalists to Check Out:

Brian Hioe - Journalist & China writer, New Bloom Magazine

Bonnie Glaser - China scholar, German Marshall Fund

Vicky Xu - Journalist & researcher, Australian Strategic Policy Institute

Stephen McDonnell - Journalist, BBC

M Taylor Fravel - China scholar, MIT

New Zealand Contemporary China Research Centre - NZ's hub of China scholarship (I was fortunate to attend their conferences during my PhD there, they do great work!)

If you've reached the end I hope this helps with understanding what's going on right now! A lot of us who know friends and whanau in China are worried for their safety, so please spread the word and let's hope that there is something of a positive outcome ahead.

#孟珏’s china corner #中国 #上海 #习近平 #习近平下台 #共产党下台 #China #Shanghai #China protests #China protests 2022 #Xi Jinping #Xi Jinping step down #CCP step down #Xi Jinping resign #CCP resign #乌鲁木齐 #Urumqi #Urumqi fire #Urumqi apartment fire

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