#hikidragon

[newhologram]

@hikidragon replied to your post “Working Marvel shows is hilarious because they don’t tell us anything....”

:P what if this counts as breaking your NDA

I expect Samuel L. Jackson to appear in my living room for a talk.

[crimefighterphd]

hikidragon replied to your post: Depression Artifacts

This is such a spot-on anecdotal example of one of the things depression does to people! Thanks for sharing it! I wonder if there’s a way for people in that condition to be made aware of it or aided in overcoming it.. or if that would be only treating a symptom instead of the cause? Definitely food for thought.

Good question. There’s probably not a one-size-fits-all solution, but for me, having a few people who are aware now that I can be dysfunctional seems to be helpful. Because I’m naturally a little eccentric and don’t get close to people easily (and thus frequently present as functional), I can get away with a lot of weird behavior without drawing attention to myself. But now I have a couple of people who know that if I’m acting weird, it isn’t rude of them to push me hard on the point. Obviously I need to self-monitor, but a few extra pairs of eyes doesn’t hurt.

It is, admittedly, only treating the symptom. But sometimes that’s enough. It can, at the very least, keep us (people in a depressive episode) from creating any irreversible problems. For instance, I had a friend help me buy a plane ticket because I had enough awareness to know I needed to buy the ticket now, but I didn’t have enough functioning to do it. Similarly, if I had been forced to buy a bed, I might not’ve compounded my problem with continuous sleep deprivation. Even being forced to eat was helpful.

Granted, not having a bed is sort of a unique problem. It isn’t something people would think to check up on, and it clearly isn’t something I considered worth mentioning. But there were other red flags that were apparently noticeable, and now the handful of people that know what happened know to intervene.

[bitter-bat]

Fevers and hospital gown chic. :p Cute little mehama-chan (menhera hamster) is an idea created by @hikidragon~♥

Please consider supporting me on Patreon!

[cupcakevice-blog]

My photos from MCM/London comicon. The one of just me is from the end of the day, I look quite tired and I plaited my hair as I had a headache. I met @hikidragon from @hoshicandy is really sweet and totally cute. My top, necklace and socks are by @cherrycheezy. Hiki’s top is listen flavor and her tights are cherrycheezy. Her necklace is featuring menhama, the totally adorable menhera hamster from @hoshicandy

[fuckyeah-animalcrossing]

Worth mentioning that the Sanrio amiibo card packs for Europe seem to be only being sold by Nintendo itself, only one per customer, and the pack contain all 6 cards (and no stickers). This'll make it harder for people outside Europe to buy the European ones too, because nobody will have any spares :( I hope they announce them for US soon.

[rabbureblogs]

Well it happened, you showed up in a dream I had (how do you do that?)! You were visiting the UK as a tourist and someone stole your phone in front of me, so we went on a crime busting adventure together to get it back. We were successful too! But I really don't know why I dreamed about that at all.

Radical

[radiant-galvanisation]

@hikidragon I'm on mobile so replying is weird like this but thank you, a lot.

[newhologram]

@hikidragon replied to your video “Did you guys see me in the new Lyft commercial? ����#videos #work...”

It looks great New!! So cool to see your work

Thank you! 

[crimefighterphd]

hikidragon replied to your post: Today was my first truly good day in a little over...

It’s good that you’re aware that it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the clear, I made that mistake the first n good days that I had - thinking “oh I’m all better now” and then feeling twice as bad when it ended. I agree that there tends not to be any obvious factors for it either, I think one can drive themselves crazy trying to figure it out too. As time goes on the good days will become more frequent and higher in number, until they outnumber the bad days. I think you’ve got this though!

If I hadn’t had so many ups and downs I probably wouldn’t have known to be careful, how precarious “good” can be. It’s hard to be gentle with yourself when you feel fine because it feels disingenuous. After all, if I feel fine, I must be fine, and therefore I have no excuse not to do all of the things or to continue to ask for gentle treatment from others. It feels like I’m faking. 

Of course, there does come a time when you have to be less gentle with yourself, to push yourself a little bit more. But it doesn’t have to happen overnight or all at once at the first sign of improvement. 

(So hard to remember though!)

[bitter-bat]

A doodle of @hikidragon from an adorable makeup post in the menhera chat. ♥

Please consider supporting me on Patreon!

[the49thname-archive]

hikidragon said: My friends went to Kansai Gaidai and had a good time there, you might get to study some kansai-ben~ Some of them lived in dorms but some lived with Japanese families iirc.

it does sound really good ;v; and kansai-ben??? i know homestay is an option but it’s much more expensive than dorms/off-campus //weeps (plus living in a family setup again is not high up on my list of things to go back to... aha...). but yea, gonna wait for an email back from musashi on prices and term time issues.

[newhologram]

@zephra85 replied to your post “Omg this like half body icepack would be feel sooo good”

You can be a 70's sci-fi character AND be low-pain. Sounds win-win to me.

I wonder how long it stays cold...

@hikidragon replied to your post “Omg this like half body icepack would be feel sooo good”

I thought this was a dragonball costume

Heheh

@ph-neutral replied to your post “Omg this like half body icepack would be feel sooo good”

You'd also look a bit like a sayajin with that

Exactly 8)

@squidpuke replied to your post “*tries to sleep* *AIRPLANE CRASHING SOUNDS* *gets up and looks...”

i didn't know there was something too this i thought it was just anxiety. :(

Well it can manifest in different conditions, I think. Mine I think is mostly the narcolepsy/insomnia but it’s worsened by anxiety and PTSD.

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@anon1: <3

@bootlegger85: There are other areas where I’m really good at not caring what the hell other people thought. Like becoming an actor, no one wanted me to do it, everyone tried so hard to convince me not to waste any time on it but I was like NOPE BYE and I went and proved them wrong. 

But I guess I still... feel like I’m trapped, like I’m still a kid and I have to listen to my dad, you know? I love my dad more than anyone and we’re really close which is why this hurts so much because I know he loves me and wants me to be okay, but I think it’s just hard for him to process. 

Also that quote is ABSOLUTELY something to live by, thanks RDJ.

@anon2: I’ll look that up. But yeah, it’s just like. There’s also still this little voice saying, “you’re not disabled enough to deserve this! you haven’t worked hard enough either!” and that holds me back too. But I need to take care of myself. Thanks, fibro friend. 

gamercat replied to your post “If they love us, why do they do this?”

*hugs* be safe as you can

I will.

zephra85 replied to your post “If they love us, why do they do this?”

(HUGS) Focus on you, New. Your health is worth it, YOU'RE worth it. Be safe buddy.

Ty ;; ;;

hikidragon replied to your post “If they love us, why do they do this?”

I'm really glad that you're choosing to do this for yourself. It's time to put your needs first. It sucks that you're treated like this but... they can't be pleased, so deciding to stop killing yourself trying to please them is definitely the right choice. You can do this!

I’m still weighing my options and thinking about what exactly to do. Like. Everyone notices it. My coworkers and family keep commenting on how skinny I’ve gotten since December. Even my boss said something today.. My other manager literally leaves food for me and asks for updates, makes sure I’m still doing my pushups, checks on my weight because he can see that I’m just like fphfhghghpphd. This is literally me burning out. At the restaurant the cooks ask me “what happened? what’s wrong?” when I have to miss a shift or when they saw me last night with an icepack on my neck the entire time. I’m not helping my body to heal after my adjustment by doing this to myself, and the fact that 12-15 hours of work a week and 1.5 hours of school is TOO HARD FOR ME IS KIND OF A BIG SIGN THAT I NEED A BREAK

plastic-knives-and-forks replied to your post “If they love us, why do they do this?”

It's the right decision new, and an admirable one at that- perhaps this will contribute atleast a bit towards convincing him that this is actually a serious Thing and not something he can yell away. Also god new i wish i could be there carrying your stuff for you and all, and making soup. It'd be terrible soup but yanno. I must apologise for not being much of a long distance supporter in terms of words because I'm so, so bad at it. But honestly im behind you in every way

Yeah, I think it’ll help because when people see how much better I get by being able to live at my body’s current limits, they’ll realize that this is legitimate and not in my head or something, which I think a lot of people still can’t grasp. (Baww I would love to eat Plastic-made soup, but don’t apologize! We are on different parts of the world. I can’t expect you to be following me with tissue)

Thank you guys for the love!

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@tonictransistor replied to your post “I know my cats know their names but I’m pretty sure they kinda know...”

I have to ask, why do they know bacon haha

Because every morning when I cook breakfast they beg for my bacon xD 

@hikidragon replied to your video “Does anyone immediately have to play in a new wig as soon as it...”

oh my goodness new, I didn't think it was possible for you to look EVEN MORE GORGEOUS!!! but here we are!!

Bawthanks

@xiki-pumpkin replied to your post “I know my cats know their names but I’m pretty sure they kinda know...”

my kitty doesnt respond to the word 'treat' even tho i say it all the time when i offer her one, but any time she hears a shaking pill bottle or the crumpling of a bag, she comes running like 'treat??? for me??' and im like NO KITTY U CANNOT HAVE IBUPROFEN dbgahd

Omg silly kitty

@they-better-be-mysterious replied to your post “What to do with a broken heart and no more glue”

Have you checked your mail? I sent you some glue.

I’m gonna open everything when I record the vlog! Hopefully soon.

@steveman replied to your post “What to do with a broken heart and no more glue”

Hold it with your hands until it repairs on its own. It's a long and arduous task, but when it is healed it is stronger and more resilient than it could ever be with glue.

<3

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Hey New~ I suffer a lot with a loss of identity, like sometimes a whole week will pass and I just zombied through uncertain of who I am, why I exist, what I want etc.. I think that daily meditation / mindfulness exercises would help, but I've never really done it before and traditional meditation doesn't really suit me. You're really well practiced with meditation so I was wondering if you had advice about how to get started and finding a meditation method / routine that works for oneself? ❤️️U!

I’m not that well-practiced. It’s hard for me to stick to a routine. To be honest, just try different things. Shop around and see what sticks and what doesn’t. Maybe even listen to guided meditations or guided mantras.

[newhologram]

@magicmaus replied to your video “Sakura(Cherry Blossoms) Nobake Cheesecake”

Hahahah I read it as No-Bah-Ke and I was like "wha???"

Nobake, like an obake, except NO

@hikidragon replied to your post “So my friend is taking a lot of heat because something they said was...”

Being frequently misunderstood and invalidated throughout childhood tends to lead to the situation where, as an adult, the person appears to express anger a lot when they weren't actually trying to. It's one of the major aspects of BPD, by which I don't mean "I think you have BPD" but you might share that aspect. Unfortunately, I'm not sure why exactly it happens, but I just thought I might share that you're not alone in what you've described here. <3

That makes sense actually, my mom has BPD and is also suspected to be on the autism spectrum like me.

@dgenerozo replied to your post “What if we had tiny house elephant pets?”

how tiny you talking? mice sized, cat sized, dog sized?

I was thinking like chihuahua sized.

@general-grey replied to your post “What if we had tiny house elephant pets?”

they would make tiny toots

little toooooooot

@faeline replied to your post “I bought a whole bag of buttermints”

Ooh, buttermints.

My dad keeps teasing that these are “grandma treats”. I love buttermints so much.

@junkvett replied to your post “What was that show with the sparkle guy and his hair and aliens???”

Space Dandy?

That’s the one! I still haven’t seen it.