#his name is artichoke (arti for short)

[cat-on-a-log]

(Please click for better quality)

[officeshelpdesk]

There's a guy named Artie White who gets released from prison after a short stint for a burglary charge. He tries to go get a job afterwards but his record makes it incredibly hard to make money.

One day Artie decides he's gonna be a hitman, he knows how to get into places and he's not necessarily against killing people for money. He finds out he's pretty good at it! He pushes people down flights of stairs and poisons people's coffee all without any evidence of murder. He makes big money too, he gets watches and a new car and a better apartment, life is good

One day this guy Jerry comes to Artie with a request. You see, Jerry's being seeing this younger woman and he wants to leave his wife, but due to a very lopsided prenup he signed, divorce would financially ruin him.

He says "Look, I can do a one time big payment, but I can't do a lifetime of big payments, plus my house, plus my dog, so if you could just kill her now things would be a lot easier for me. I'll give you $100,000"

Artie obliges and Jerry tells him that his wife is the manager of a grocery store. A couple weeks ago there was a guy who came in all angry and choked one of the sales assistants to unconsciousness, before getting away. Jerry explains that his wife will be in early to start opening up the shop, and if Artie can get in and strangle her, it'll look like this other guy did it.

So Artie agrees and around 5 am he breaks in, finds Jerry's wife, and starts strangling her. But Jerry's wife is stronger than she looks, and manages to throw artie off her into a shelf. Artie regains his footing and strangles her again, this time successfully, but it turns out there's a second worker at the store. He hears all the commotion and runs over. In a panic, Artie strangles him, but it turns out this guy called the cops when he heard the commotion, and by the time Arties done the place is surrounded

So Artie's finally caught.

The next morning an old couple named George and Catherine are beginning their morning routine where they sit on the porch together. George will read the newspaper and Catherine will read a book.

"I can't find my glasses" says George

"They're not on the table?" Says Catherine

"No! Ah I'll find them later, I guess for now I'll just read the headlines" says George

So they sit on the porch for a bit before George shouts "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Catherine is startled she says "what is it dear?"

George goes "one of the headlines says 'Artichokes 2 for $100,000 at the supermarket'"

[moldygreenblue]

headcanon about jellylorum and a couple of humans

Jellylorum and her relationship with her human, Anne

Jellylorum wouldn’t be alive today if Anne didn’t save her. Jellylorum was sick one day, and walked across the street. However, she grew too weak and fell just as the light had change. Anne without hesitation, ran into the middle of the street and picked the sick cat up into her arms. Jellylorum faintly recalls a human man cursing at the human woman.

Jellylorum was in and out of consciousness when sick. She recalls the human tending to her fever with a wet cool washcloth, and the human sleeping in the nearby chair.

After recovering, Jellylorum made visits to Anne’s place, sometimes staying for hours before leaving. Anne slowly over time brought cat supplies and proper cat food, before finally buying a woven collar. Jellylorum loves her collar; it’s very comfortable to wear.

Jellylorum thinks the name Anne given her is cute.  It’s not a true sensible name, but considering her Particular Name, it works.

From Anne's Perspective

Anne would very much like Apricot to be an indoor cat, but knows that’s impossible due to Apricot’s supernatural nature. Anne just makes sure Apricot never loses her collar, keeps her vaccinated, and has plenty of photos ready to make missing posters.

Anne figures out that the tom cat that visits Apricot is her brother; Anne nicknamed him Artichoke (Artie for short). Anne as such whenever at home sets an extra bowl of food and water for him, and leaves him be with Apricot, rarely interacting with him.

(Bonus Headcanon: Jellylorum thinks it's sweet of Anne to prepare for an unexpected guest. Jellylorum also teases her brother for another vegetable human given name, thinking it’s his destiny.)

Jellylorum and her relationship with her human's brother Thomas, who is The Man Over There

Because Jellylorum thinks Anne as a part of her family, Jellylorum thinks Thomas as family too. As such, Jellylorum calls Thomas ‘Tommy’.

Jellylorum thinks Tommy as a quiet human; very much similar to her brother in that regard. Jellylorum seen plenty of times how Anne is talkative of the two siblings, best shown when they have the occasional dinner together. Anne will be chatting about her day, while Tommy listens; he speaks very little about his day.

Jellylorum heard Tommy sing before, and thinks he has a lovely voice. Jellylorum first heard Tommy sing when Anne was on holiday and tasked Tommy to check up on Jellylorum. Tommy was playing with Jellylorum when he began singing a rather unknown Petula Clark song, “I Would Have Given You More” which she likes a lot. Since then, Jellylorum occasionally hears Tommy sing; Jellylorum won’t deny she imagine the impossible of Tommy singing her parents’ song, In Una Tepida Notte.

Jellylorum has no idea Tommy knows her dad. She heard from her Dad about a human name Thomas who he sees, and well, Thomas is a common name, after all. Needless to say, the Jellicle Ball certainly revealed this fact to her (in a good way).

Post-Canon, on the nights they can talk and understand one another, Jellylorum allows Tommy call her by her Particular Name whenever Anne isn’t around. Sometimes the two will sing a duet together, which she enjoys very much.

[starboywille]

A few of my little au ideas

Be more chill Au for the sole purpose of hearing august scream it’s from Japan and Simon to sing Michael in the bathroom

A wlw prom queen au: Si the nerdy theater and Wille - short for Willow - the jock cheerleader teaming up to win prom queen and falling in love along the way

Faun Simon au: little woodland forest creature who just fell in love with the prince and had the prince fall in love with him

Himbo Wille: an au set in a stereotypical American highschool with Wille playing American Football, Simon being on the cheer squad, and Wille’s infinite love for space and sports and pronouns

Streamer Au: Simon streaming video games and Wille being his roommate. They’re unlabeled and no one needs to know their business because that’s theirs. Love wins <3

Bookstore au: wille owns a queer safe space store and Simon is an author. They have a cat named Spinach and Artichoke Dip (Artie) who is the store manager. He wears a tie.

Dragon Wille: silly little scale man loves his human boyfriend. He follows Simon to college classes and causes problems on purpose.

Regency au: longing stares, brief touches, everything done in the secret of night and woods. It’s all beautiful and regal and scandalous, a proper lady whistledown exclusive.

Glowstick Bfs: my magnum opus. People with inhuman gifts finding love in a school where being special is normal in a world where being special is a curse.

[neopiacentral]

one of our coworkers found this little baby under the inside of someone’s car yesterday and they couldn’t keep her bc his gf is allergic so mitch and i brought her home because we’ve been looking for another cat to adopt ever since we moved into our house since we have more than enough room now .. she is so skinny and frail but she is the most affectionate and loving cat i have ever met. she just wants to be held like a baby and smothered w love constantly. we r taking her to the vet tomorrow to make sure she’s healthy aside from her being v skinny and then we will be working towards introducing her to jasper and i can’t wait for them 2 be besties. PS her name is artichoke artie for short bc she looks like art

[sethrine-writes]

Daughter of a Devil - Ch. 14

Main Characters:  Father!Dante & Daughter!Reader

Words:  1654

Warnings:  Dante being a shit

Summary: Being a parent wasn’t easy, nor was there such thing as being perfect at it. Good news for Dante, seeing as how he doesn’t have the slightest idea in hell what to do with a child. Sometimes, he was certain that fighting off a horde of demons was a far better match than keeping up with his own daughter. Well, at least he wasn’t going down without a fight.

A/N:  I remember enjoying writing this chapter so much! It was just as delightful editing it and reliving the whole thing. Enjoy!

------

Chapter 14 - Goodbye, Potential Boyfriend (14 yrs.)

The relationship between you and Hunter had started out as a simple friendship nearly two years ago when you had advanced into the “junior high” stage of your teachings in the private school Dante had thrust you into (only courtesy of the Dean who owed Dante a huge favor after saving his ass from a horde of swamp creatures).

It was nothing new to you, as you had many friends that were boys. Your only guess as to why at that time was because you could relate to boys a little more because of the teachings of your dear ol’ father. Many of the girls didn’t much care for the same things that interested you, and that was cool. You had others who did, and Hunter had been one of them.

When said friend moved up into high school, however, you began to see him in a different light. His hazel eyes seemed to catch you more often when you glanced at him from the corner of your own gaze. His sandy blonde hair had a much more appealing look to it than the year before, and that smile…it was enough to make your heartbeat quicken and butterflies flutter in your stomach.

It was hard enough keeping such strange yet perfectly normal emotions at bay, and there was more than one instance you were sure he knew of the crush you had on him. If he did, he didn’t voice his concerns or consequent lack of them, so you continued on with your friendship within the charade of feeling just friendship.

The last thing you wanted was for your father to catch wind of your little crush. God only knows what he would do when – no, if he ever found out.

As any normal friend would do, you invited Hunter over to Devil May Cry with the assurance that your father had been called out on a mission that morning and wasn’t expected home until much later that night. It was hard enough keeping secrets from the old man as it was; you didn’t need him harping on you just for bringing a “friend” over, a boy friend, no less.

“Devil May Cry, huh? I’ve heard a few people talk about this place before.”

“You…you have?” you asked nervously. It wasn’t a secret that the shop was renowned around the city and bordering towns for getting rid of “unwanted” problems, but you were afraid of the rumors ruining Hunter’s interest in spending time together.

“Yeah, just a few things, nothing bad, I swear.”

“Oh, well that’s good, I guess.”

With a hidden sigh of relief, you grabbed the key that was around your neck and unlocked the door before entering the shop with your crush right at your heels. You watched Hunter’s reaction as he took in the surrounding area, his honey-hazel eyes wide with fascination. It wasn’t often children his age were able to see the shop’s interior, nor was it often that the place was as clean as you had gotten it the night before just for this occurrence.

“Whoa, nice place.”

You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks at his statement, though you tried desperately to brush it aside by moving forward toward your father’s desk.

“Thanks. My dad, uh, likes to collect artifacts from various locations around the country. He’s really into the weird and freaky, as you can see.”

“Weird and freaky? I think this stuff is pretty cool!”

You could have sworn you felt your heart leap in your chest.

“Really, Hunter?”

“Yeah, I sure do! Do you think I could, maybe, see that shrunken head thing over there on the shelf?”

You looked over at the shrunken head your father had named Artichoke, or Artie for short. Why he had decided on that name, you weren’t sure, but you did know that your father loved that thing more than most of his other little trinkets, for whatever reason.

Well, what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt, right?

You smiled as you moved behind the desk, and reach for the little shrunken head with several small braids running through his hair and stitching over his mouth and left eye. With careful fingers, you plucked Artie from his perch atop the wooden shelf, turning and nearly tripping over your own two feet with how close Hunter had gotten. You hadn’t even realized he had moved in behind you!

“Whoa, careful, there! You could hurt yourself!”

You gave a somewhat nervous laugh, fully aware of the arms that had found their way around you. He was just being polite as any young man should be. It was just your imagination that he was pulling you closer; it was just your imagination that the look in his eyes changed from amused to almost tender; it was certainly your imagination that made you think he was moving in much closer….

“H-Hunter, what are you...?”

Hunter’s face had closed in mere inches from your own, and you swore that if you had died right then and there, you’d have been one happy teenage girl just for him being as close as he was. And he was moving closer still! Did that mean that…that he was going to kiss you?!

“(Y/n), I –“

-Click-

In a flash of pure, embarrassing agony, reality came crashing back down on you. With a hesitant twist of your head to the right, your wide eyes fell upon the one person you had hoped would never, ever meet Hunter.

Wait…when the hell did he even get here?

“Dad?”

Though you had called out to him, Dante kept his eyes focused on the lad he currently had Ebony pointed at, the boy’s eyes wide with fear as he turned and stared straight into the barrel. Dante’s baby blue eyes were calm, as was his expression, though you could tell he was masking what he was truly feeling in that moment.

You weren’t sure if he was being serious or playful, but either mood would be a call for disaster.

“So, Hunter, was it?” he started off nonchalantly, as if he were just discussing casual business with Morrison, “I see you have an interest in my little girl, here. Well, allow me to explain something to you, and get it through your head quick, because I won’t explain it again.”

As a follow up to the suspenseful warning, Dante pulled out Ivory and held it out with Ebony, Hunter’s eyes twice as wide than they were previously.

“Dad, stop it! You’re scaring him!”

“You see, Hunter, that’s my precious little girl, right there, and if you’d like to, oh, I don’t know…date her, then you’ll have to beat me at a little game. I gotta warn you, though, I never miss a shot.”

It took only a moment to process what had been said, and just like that, Hunter was scrambling away and out the door as if death itself had given him the choice between living and dying.

You watched, despaired, as your crush flew out of the shop, a sad sort of ache entering your heart at a missed opportunity for something more. As you looked at your father, however, that ache flared dangerously until your own eyes darkened with the rage that coursed through your veins.

“You…you are such a…A JERK!” you screeched, balling up your fists at your sides. You were dangerously close to hitting your own father, the only thing keeping you from doing so being that he had two guns in his hands at the moment.

He wouldn’t shoot you, of course, but you didn’t want to chance accidentally damaging anything in the shop, should he misfire upon the impact of your fist in his face.

Apparently, you weren’t angry enough. Dante merely brushed off your anger as being hilarious and began laughing justly, holding his stomach as if it were too much to take in.

“Did…did you see the way that kid’s face looked? I’m surprised he didn’t piss his pants!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?! You pointed a gun at his head!”

“Psh, relax, Squirt, they aren’t even loaded. Besides, if he truly likes ya, he’ll come back and won’t be afraid of a little challenge.”

That was the final straw. Knowing the guns weren’t loaded, you reared back and put as much force as you could behind your fist as you threw it right into your father’s jaw. Surprised, Dante was knocked back a few feet, though there was no initial damage done. He rubbed at his lightly stubbled face, giving you somewhat of a pout.

“Hey, that kinda hurt.”

“I don’t care! You’re…you’re…you’re such an ass! That is the last time I ever bring anyone over, ever again! I swear, when I get my gun, the first shot I make is in you, Daddy!”

With the final word in, you gave one last, heated glare to your father before storming up the stairs, making sure to hit each creaking step hard with the sole of your shoe as if further proving your hate towards him at that very moment.

Dante watched as you went, still rather amused at the whole incident. Sure, he could have handled it a little better, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun if he had.

He moved to sit in his big leather chair, deciding that it was best to let you let off some steam before he attempted to make amends with dinner and your favorite dessert. He paused momentarily when his foot collided with something on the floor, looking down just as something rolled beneath his desk. Curious, he reached beneath it just as he heard your bedroom door slam shut, nearly hitting his head against the top of the desk when he popped back up and eyed the item with a fond, confused look.

“Artie, my little buddy! What in the hell are you doing on the floor?”

[audreyrousx]

( sydney sweeney, 23, cis female, she/her ) Was that AUDREY ROUSSEAU ? I heard a rumor they work for the O’SHEA family, but who knows for sure ? They can be a bit RECKLESS & IMPATIENT, but I also heard they can be CAPTIVATING & PASSIONATE. You’ll usually find them at HONEY’S BAKERY in their spare time, when they’re not being a MEDIC You may want to keep an eye on that one !

Basics:

name : audrey faye rousseau

nicknames : a, auds, rey, dre

age : twenty-three

birthday : november 21st, 1997 (scorpio)

sexuality : pansexual

height : 5′3

favorite color : blue

fluent in : english & french

hogwarts house : hufflepuff

hobbies : dance, photography, acting, baking

Family:

mother : valentina rousseau ( née mccoy) (43) 

father : louis rousseau (45)  †

siblings : blake (25) & cyrus rousseau (36)

About:

growing up with two protective brothers was always pretty nice for audrey, they didn’t let guys at school try and start shit with her. plus with her father having the connections to the o’shea family as he did, the girl was golden.

her father is french, born and raised there. ended up meeting her mother because she was a traveling model. the fell in love and moved to america together, Chicago where they had three children. (her mom still models when she can but now designs fashion.)

she’s a major flirt, part of it comes from her being just being friendly and it gets taken the wrong way but the girl is definitely a people pleaser.

she has a love for baking and making treats that are sweet in her spare time, so when she can’t the bakery is one of her happy places.

she’s more than a pretty blonde, even with her love for partying and a good time she has a brain and wants to be able to help anyone she can which is how she found her love for medicine.

she got very used to watching her father in his element, he was a general so got away with having audrey tag along, so from a young age she got used to seeing bloodied and bruised men and wanted to do what she could to help, soon landing her own spot as a medic right after she graduated from med school early.

her mom has been traveling for the past 7 years, didn’t tell them she was leaving until after she was already gone (she mailed them a letter with no return address.) they only time they see her is when her name gets mentioned in different fashion shows and magazines, though audrey doesn’t watch for that very reason. she’ll send them money every so often, just envelopes filled with nothing but the cash. audrey figured it’s because her mother never actually wanted to be a mother, though her father tries to tell her otherwise.  

more recently her father went missing, her doctor instincts declaring him dead in her head, she hated to admit that so she tried her best not to...part of her still wanted to have hope. having no idea where her brothers were left her under the watchful eye of the o’sheas.

during her years in high school she ended up falling for a man a few grades ahead of her, hanging around with the popular crowd prompted her into meeting him. she fell for him hard and fast, sharing all of her firsts in life with him and even attended both his prom and her own with him by her side. she didn’t think anything would be able to tear them apart, he was her rock, especially with the news of her father. the two grew a bit careless with their sex life as the years went on and soon found out they were expecting a baby in June of 2020. (tw: miscarriage) they were excited though it was short lived because it came to light that she was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and they lost the baby. he disappeared after that, without leaving audrey with any trace of his whereabouts, leaving her to suffer with this loss on her own.  

she has three pets: pickles the pig, taco the rabbit, and a dog named artichoke “artie”

[plumbobette]

After a jog, Durx is feeling a bit better and is hit with a burst of bravery. While he’s still in the city, he wants to drop off a picture of Zag at Kai’s apartment. He doesn’t expect anything to come of it. He also wasn’t expecting no one to be home. Lurking aimlessly in the hall, he almost doesn’t hear a voice calling out to him. 

Realizing he’s finally been noticed, the stranger gives him a friendly wave, which Durx awkwardly returns. “Hey there. Can I help you with something, Artie?” 

Durx blinks. “Uh, no. I wanted to leave something for a tenant. Also, my name isn’t Artie?” 

“I kind of figured. You can leave whatever it is with me, I’m the landlord. Who’s it for?”

“Kai Clifton.” 

Durx gives a weak smile and hands the photo over. For some strange reason, he almost doesn’t want to let it go, even though he has a bunch more. 

“Cute kid,” the man says. “Yours?” A nod. “His?” 

Durx swallows deeply and nods again. 

“I’ll make sure it gets to him. I’m Daryl, by the way. Daryl Layton.” 

At Durx’s ill-repressed laugh, Daryl asks what’s so funny. 

“You’re an alien, right? My sister’s boyfriend is too. I’ve met two aliens now, and apparently they’re named Bill and Daryl.” 

“What, Daryl not ET sounding enough for you, Artichoke?” he asks with a wink as Durx descends into giggles. At the nickname, Durx stops and eyes him suspiciously. 

“Artie was short for artichoke? Seriously, a green-skin crack? What if I called you Nanners for Banana, Mr. Yellow-Everything?” 

“I’ll have you know in the right lighting I look downright peachy.” 

[fer8girl]

Essa Jorgan

New OC time! Meet Essa, one of Nya and Aric’s twin daughters and with those genes it’s no surprise that she’s a looker. Stubborn and rebellious, she spent a lot of her childhood idolizing her ‘Aunt’ Shawnni, @shimmer-like-agirl‘s Smuggler. Essa would always be drawn into adventures with Shawnni and Corso’s oldest daughter Lani, while their son Jaycen stayed close by in case they got into trouble.

Essa inherited her mother’s Force ability of Animal Bonding, getting along well with her family’s nexu pack. She’s usually seen with her best buddies, her akk dog Artie(short for Artichoke, named for his green scales) and her nexu runt Thistle.

Thistle is notorious for bossing Artie around, but the big lug is protective of the sassy nexu and their mistress, jumping in to fight for them...

And standing guard when Essa needs him to...

[viralhottopics]

Cape Town: Insider Travel Guide

(CNN)Surrounded by ocean on three sides, with the landmark Table Mountain soaring 1,000 meters above the packed streets of the City Bowl, Cape Town rightly places high — maybe number one — in any ranking of the most scenic big cities on the planet.

Powder-white beaches fringe the Atlantic seaboard. Trellised vineyards line historic winelands. A fynbos-covered national park is parked in the heart of the city.

Never heard of a fynbos? You haven’t lived. We can fix that.

Home to 3 million Capetonians, the top tourist destination in Africa feels more like a collection of idiosyncratic villages than a one-dimensional metropolis.

There’s Miami-glam on the Camps Bay strip, urban grit in up-and-coming Woodstock, genteel wine estates in the horse-centric southern ‘burbs and boho-chic in the seaside boutiques of Kalk Bay.

Want to know what to do in South Africa’s “Mother City”? Keep reading.

Hotels

Luxury

One&Only Cape Town

This glam “urban resort” was built for name-dropping: Bastien Gonzalez gives mani-pedis in the spa, Nobuyuki Matsuhisa’s only eatery in Africa is here and local celeb-chef Reuben Riffel dishes up South African cuisine at the somewhat-cavernous Reuben’s.

If your credit card needs a good hiding, book the top-floor penthouse with its four bedrooms, 360-degree views, two swimming pools and baby grand piano.

A bargain at US$12,000 a night.

Mount Nelson Hotel

Located at the foot of Table Mountain, this thoroughly updated historic hotel has been a Cape Town landmark or two centuries.

The extraordinary pink exterior has earned the hotel a number of famous nicknames, “Mount Nelson Pink” and “Pink Lady” among them.

It’s also made her a destination for couples and romantic travelers.

Afternoon tea here is a poshy “must” for those pondering what to do in Cape Town.

Mid-range

Steenberg Hotel

Twenty minutes from the central business district (CDB), this relaxed winelands hotel rolls out the vintage welcome mat at rates you’d expect to pay for plonk.

The winelands are what to do in Cape Town and this is the place to make home base.

Vineyards surround the hotel.

There’s a winery on site making damn fine bubbly — all just a solid eight-iron from the Steenberg Golf Club, which has one of the best golf courses in the Cape.

Budget

Grand Daddy Hotel, Airstream Trailer Park

The recipe is simple: wade through a mountain of red tape; hoist seven vintage Airstream trailers to a downtown rooftop; tell seven renowned artists to throw rules out the window when designing the interiors; sprinkle with city views …

From all this you get — what else? — the country’s (world’s?) first rooftop trailer park.

Each Airstream “room” offers the usual hotel mod cons, but if you’re partial to baths — or standing up straight — opt for one of the equally arty rooms in the Grand Daddy hotel below.

Restaurants

The Test Kitchen

If you want to know what to do in Cape Town, start with the best.

Voted South Africa’s top chef in 2011 by restaurant bible EatOut, chef Luke Dale Roberts likes to challenge palates at his cutting-edge eatery in the trendy Biscuit Mill complex.

A sense of Asian adventure runs through the menu, making this a place for gourmands not comfort-eaters.

The restaurant’s retro-industrial decor is gritty, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t throw on your dressier clothes.

The Roundhouse

This historic hunting lodge on the slopes of Table Mountain is the perfect foil for the playful cuisine of chef duo Eric Bulpitt and PJ Vadas.

These kitchen cowboys aren’t afraid to experiment.

Expect dishes like artichoke risotto with sweetbreads, or eland carpaccio with cranberries.

You won’t leave with much change out of R1,000 (US$132), but the excellent service and world-class cooking make it worth the splurge.

Bizerca Bistro

Located in the unlovely bottom-end of the City Bowl, fully booked tables are a testament to the outstanding French cuisine dished up by chef Laurent Deslandes and his South African wife, Cyrillia.

Laurent’s offerings change with the seasons, but regulars would likely threaten violence if he took his signature dish off the menu.

Such is the majesty of the braised pig trotter with seared scallop and drizzle of truffle oil.

Societi Bistro

This neighborhood bistro offers consistently good value, and is booked with locals almost every night of the week, always a good sign when you’re considering what to do in Cape Town.

The compact menu changes with the seasons, but look out for specials that traverse France and Italy.

There’s a lovely terrace for rare wind-free days, and fireside tables for when the Cape of Storms lives up to its name.

95 Keerom

You can’t take two steps in Cape Town without tripping over a Giorgio Nava restaurant, but this is the Italian stallion’s home base, where he lovingly folds fresh ravioli, trims the lamb raised on his own farm and presents the menu to diners in his sultry Milanese accent.

Lauded as the best Italian restaurant in the country by EatOut magazine, and we’re inclined to agree.

The Kitchen

Even before Michelle Obama stopped in here for lunch, it was almost impossible to get a seat at Karen Dudley’s quirky deli in the newly cool Woodstock area.

The impressive salad spread (they concoct a dozen each day) and fresh “love sandwiches” draw in local creatives, while Dudley’s gooey chocolate brownies almost literally fly out the door with hipsters in hot pursuit.

Takumi

Hatsushiro Muraoka is grumpy, cantankerous and … the best sushi chef in the city.

He’s a local legend whose new eatery — he left the much-loved Minato’s a few years back — adds a touch of Japanese glamour to his perfect slivers of piscine produce.

To beef up the raw fish there’s also an exciting range of Japanese dishes, including feather-light tempura and perfectly seasoned and cooked udon noodles.

To dine here you’ll have to play by Papa-san’s most important house rule: “No wise guys.”

Nightlife

Planet Bar

If there’s a celeb in town, chances are you’ll find them draped over a bottle of bubbly at the Planet.

The bar describes its own “stylish celestial decor.”

We’re not sure what that means but the upscale feel also makes this a perfect date spot, or just the place to start when planning a what to do in Cape Town nighttime itinerary.

The Mount Nelson Hotel may be the grande dame of Cape Town, but her naughty niece downstairs is up to all sorts of classy mischief.

French Toast

You could spend days driving around the Cape winelands — or simply settle into a cozy banquette at this industrial-cool wine bar.

With 80 wines by the glass, and plenty more rarities by the bottle, you’ll likely want to get familiar with the tapas menu while choosing what to eat and deciding what to do in Cape Town.

Wine flights of three tasters are ideal if you’re the indecisive type.

The Waiting Room

Previously the actual waiting room for the burger joint downstairs, this rooftop watering hole has become one of the city’s trendiest hangouts.

Tuesday nights feature up-and-coming bands, while DJs spin tunes Wednesday through Saturday.

Skinny jeans and designer T-shirts optional, but recommended.

Caf Caprice

In summer, the Camps Bay strip is the place for hipster watching, and Caprice is the hottest hangout of all.

There’s food, but you’ll find a far better meal elsewhere in town. This is the place for tall cocktails, short dresses and time on the dance floor.

World’s best wine tours and trails

Shopping / Attractions

Pan-African Market

This three-story consumer playground offers a mesmerizing array of curios and crafts from across Africa.

Fertility statues and wedding masks from West Africa are worth seeking out.

The friendly traders are ready for a good haggle, so don’t be afraid to bargain.

The Old Biscuit Mill

The gritty Woodstock area is getting a facelift, with this high-end shopping precinct leading the charge.

You’ll find art galleries, designer boutiques and coffee roasters, but the highlight is the Saturday morning produce market that’s become a weekend ritual for local foodies.

Arrive before 9 a.m. to avoid the crowds.

Constantia winelands

If you want to experience the Cape winelands but are pressed for time, the Constantia Valley is just 20 minutes from the city and boasts some of the country’s oldest estates.

Klein Constantia and Steenberg are two of the better wineries.

Table Mountain Aerial Cableway

Yes, it’s touristy.

Yes, it can get crowded.

Yes, the incredible views from the top will leave your jaw on the ground and challenge the memory card in your camera.

Apart from slogging to the summit on foot, the cableway is the only way to soak up the panoramic views of the Mother City, so just brave the crowds and go.

Book online and you can go straight to the front of the queue.

If you do nothing else touristy, this is what to do in Cape Town.

Get out of the city

Had enough concrete? When you’re in Cape Town, nature is never far away.

The Company’s Garden

It’s not quite Central Park, but this green lung in the center of town is well worth a visit.

Shady benches offer respite from the heat, and some of the city’s best museums and art galleries abut historic gardens.

There’s a lovely tearoom, as well.

Hoerikwaggo Trail

Table Mountain National Park dominates Cape Town’s skyline, and a new multi-day walking trail lets you wander this World Heritage Site.

The 88-kilometer Hoerikwaggo Trail runs from the city to Cape Point, promising spectacular views and sore legs.

Shorter hiking options are also available.

Contact SA National Parks for accredited guides and operators.

Sea Point promenade

This seafront promenade is where locals head for fresh ocean air.

Jewish grannies, iPod-toting joggers and families all get along famously on this wide waterfront walkway.

Keep an eye out for regular art installations.

Sea Point promenade, Off Beach Road, Sea Point

West Coast National Park

Hit the R27 north of Cape Town and you’ll soon wonder how the city disappeared so quickly.

A combination of parklands and mountains, West Coast National Park is one of the country’s largest nature preserves.

It’s a popular destination for adventure fans, who come for bush walks, canoeing and wild animals.

The best time to visit is in spring, when flowers carpet the hillsides, antelope graze on new shoots and whales cavort in the icy Atlantic.

West Coast National Park, R27, 100 kilometers from Cape Town; +27 22 772 2144

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from Cape Town: Insider Travel Guide