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fefairys · 1 year

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2 11 12 14 15 17 18 20 21 23 25 26 27 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49!! 50 51 52

holy fuck juice i knwo u said u were sending a lot but damn. thank u i love u. ok.

under the cut because its so long <3

2. How quickly did you finish reading the comic? i dont remember... i think a few months??? i first watched all of the voice nexus videos (back when they were still collabHQ) and they were around mindfang's journal at the time, then i read the rest on my own. i think it was probably like. 3 months or so? maybe 4?? i know that i missed a new years countdown because i was busy reading homestuck LMAO.. but the fastest i've ever read it all the way through is 7 days.

11. Favorite Alpha kid? roxy :3

12. Favorite Alpha troll? porrim or latula.. or mituna... but porrim came to my head first so i guess she's the real answer

14. Least favorite Alpha kid? :( ...i guess dirk. but i still love him a lot.... i love the alphas...

15. Least favorite Alpha troll? cronus

17. Favorite Beta kid? rose or jade.. i relate more to rose but i am in love with jade

18. Favorite Beta troll? aradia probably..

20. Least favorite Beta kid? :( dont have one. i love them all too much i cannot answer this!!! if i must answer i guess i'll say dave since i've drawn him the least lol

21. Least favorite Beta troll? eridan

23. Favorite guardian? mom <3

25. Favorite Alternian ancestor? dolorosa... alternia's first mother. do u think about this? cry.

26. Least favorite Alternian ancestor? dualscar. im seeing a trend in my least favorite trolls SLDKFJ

27. Favorite carapacian? those random prospitians that meenah mistook for problem sleuth, pickle inspector, and ace dick

29. Favorite Friendsim character? oh god i dont know D: i like so many of them... fuck!!! i really like mallek tho... for gay reasons. also cirava. NEED to smoke a blunt w them.

30. Least favorite Friendsim character? zebruh. literally forgot about him and was like "oh i dunno i like all of them :) let me see" and looked them up and saw him and was like oh wait yeah. its zebruh.

31. Favorite sprite? davepetasprite^2 !!!

32. Least favorite sprite? calsprite lol

33. Favorite pale ship? ogh... i don know... arasol maybe.. i like them red also tho but theyre really cute pale :3 but i'll always have a soft spot for meowrails theyre probably the only ones i ship ONLY pale and not other quadrants

34. Favorite pitch ship? im trying to think of something that i ONLY ship pitch and not other quads... i dont think that exists for me lmao uhhh... vrisjade pitch is fun.. also solkat but theyre all quadrants but i really like them pitch theyre so silly hehe

35. Favorite flushed ship? ARAFEF !!!!!!!!!!

36. Favorite ashen ship? vriska, kanaya, and rose doing a gay little dance, taking turns auspisticing each other 😌

37. Favorite vacillating ship? SOLKAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

38. OTP? right now im really feeling solkat. arafef and vrisrezi are up there though

39. NOTP? besides obvious incest and kid/guardian pairings, i think gamrezi is the one that makes me most uncomfortable when i see it. leave her alone!!!

40. BROTP? aradia and dave :) also karkat and kanaya friendship is everything..

41. Character you’d choose to be your moirail? ohhhhhh maybe nepeta :3

42. Character you’d choose to be your kismesis? karkat. (kins sollux)

43. Character you’d choose to be your matesprit? aradia <3333 or kanaya or rose or terezi or (continues to list every girl)

44. Character you’d choose to be your auspistice? hm. i dunno. i dont want an auspistice leave me alone SDLFKJ i can handle it 😤 besides, the "main" "purpose" of an auspistice is preventing infidelity, but aint no infidelity when ur polyam!!! ill hatefuck this entire town so help me jegus

45. Character you’d vacillate quadrants with? oh. karkat as well. also vriska. maybe i should change my kismesis answer but idk if theres a character i hate in that way that i wouldnt want to vascillate with :/ i'll just leave it idk

46. Character you’d be best friends with? jade :D or roxy!! :D yeah :D

47. Patron troll? Are you happy with them? equius. no.

48. Zodiac troll? Are you happy with them? aradia! yes!!! :D

49. One character you didn’t like at first, but like now? i HATED vriska on my first read SO MUCH!!! but now i love her shes in my top 5 :) and also i am her.

50. One character you liked at first, but don’t like now? does not exist if i liked them i like them still <3

51. One ship you didn’t like at first, but like now? OH solfef!!! i HATED solfef so much i was like this is stupid and doesnt make sense but now i think its kind of cute. but aradia should be there too.

52. One ship you liked at first, but don’t like now? again, if i liked it i like it!!! there are ones that i used to care about more, but don't anymore, but i still like them! :)

#homestuck #asks #answer meme #anonymous #(even though i know it is juice)

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butchford · 2 years

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CATH can you tell me things abt ur fave homestuck chatacter. i need motivation to begin the insanity

Hi MJ :] I can attempt to do that 👍 Hm… *sweeps Dirk beneath the rug* alrighty so you love violent morally ambiguous gay women? Alrighty, so there’s this epic troll named Vriska Serket. Who I’m sure you’ve heard of before. Anyway so Vriska is so so fucking sick and poggers and complex and she’s so fucking intimately tied to Terezi that their dynamic unfolds over the course of the entire fucking comic after they’re introduced. They hate each other they hurt each other they can’t live without each other. On top of this, Vriska also has Reasons for being Like That. Like. Her childhood was shitty as hell. She hates herself so much and also thinks she’s the coolest fucker who ever lived. She’d factkin my best friend Asuka Langley Soryu. There’s also Kanaya, who is canonically a lesbian with a chainsaw. There’s my best friend Roxy. She’s soooo good like Roxy is everything. She makes a conscious effort to get better from her issues, she cares about her friends so fucking much even when they’re being so so very age 16 and unwell. She’s gay for an alien, she’s silly, she goofy. She’s real as hell when needed. She’s like a best friend to me <3 Dave’s my favorite of the original kids. He’s swagful and swagless and dead 20 times over but he’s real for it 👍 Ok fine also Dirk’s there and he did a number and a half on me because they care about their friends so much but in a way that’s like. Goddamn, man *bloodshot eyes that are indicative of self recognition*. Everything about him is self contradictory. He’s obsessed with himself and he hates himself and they’re obsessed with themself because they hate themself. The guy canonically is into mlp and anime and also made an ai version of their own conscious when they were 13 who developed into something of his own person. They’re lonely as shit have a thing with puppets that ties into how they interact with the world and they fucking love swords. He despises himself and he surrounds himself with himself. They’re sick as hell and lame as fuck. He notably dissociates in the shower. They’re canonically gay. He’s autistic as hell. There’s a scene that made me for real nauseous for personal reasons. ♥️

#I’m good I’m normal <- lying #sorry for the wall of text about several guys including who I think you’d like the most and also my best friends and also regrettably me. 🫶#also I refrained for a brief second about talking about Dirk because a: it feels revealing to me & b: that’s not a favorite character that’s #a me </3 #asks #glitchydyke #long post

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incorrect-hs-quotes · 3 years

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KARKAT: HOLD ON A FUCKING SECOND. DELAWARE IS A STATE?? I THOUGHT IT WAS A RIVER? OR IS THE RIVER MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE STATE? WHY DON'T I KNOW THIS? (I SHOULD MENTION I DON'T LIVE IN AMERICA, I'M JUST CONFUSED)

DIRK: There is Delaware (state) and delaware (river)

DIRK: Both are equally strange. The state is a tiny little cryptid thing, the river is a monster that spans New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware.

DIRK: Also Washington crossed it once and that was like kinda a big deal I guess. Like crossing the rubicon in rome.

DIRK: The state tries to be more important with its “I'm the first state!!!” bs (seriously its even on the fucking license plates) but we all know. It’s the river.

ROXY: i thought.. i thought delaware was a plqastic container thingy… its a state??

DIRK: THAT’S TUPPERWARE.

TAVROS: i THOUGHT DELAWARE WAS A PLACE IN OHIO,, wHY ARE THERE SO MANY THINGS NAMED DELAWARE,,,

DIRK, looking up how many places are called Delaware, there’s like 13: Delaware is too powerful.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK.

JOHN: wait what? i thought delaware was a store with building supplies. like paint, wood, nails and stuff?

DIRK: THAT’S HOME DEPOT???

JOHN: i know home depot, but dude i don't know anything about america and have never really gone anywhere. are you sure there is not a some sort of store called something close to delaware!?!

DIRK:

DIRK: …Ace Hardware……?

DAVE: this post has only been around for a few hours but could very well be a world heritage post

ROXY: WHAT????? this website is free

DIRK: But at what cost.

ROSE: This post launched at 8am PST on 12 Feb 2021. The above conversation has happened in 3 hours.

DAVE: guys the president is literally from delaware youre gonna have to learn what the fuck it even is

KARKAT: HE *WHAT*? I THOUGHT HE WAS FROM. W. WAIT. ???

DIRK: Delaware stole the presidents shoelaces for clout and became too powerful.

JAKE: From the uk- and what do you mean delaware isn't a type of ceramic?

DIRK, throwing his hands up in defeat: It is now.

TEREZI: 1SNT D3L4W4R3 WH4T TH3Y M4K3 COMPUT3RS ON??? >:?

DIRK: Software ??

SOLLUX: ii thiink they meant dell ware, a 2peciifiic computer type. we had a dell computer once.

SOLLUX: ii thought delaware wa2 that famou2 2iinger they 2poofed iin zootopiia.

DIRK: Gazelle??

KANAYA: Oh I Thought Delaware Was That One British Singer Lady, You Know, The One From Chasing Pavements

DIRK, visibly distressed: That’s fucking Adele.

VRISKA: Isn’t Delaware that place you go when you die????????

ARADIA: y0ure thinking 0f superhell and all 0f y0u are g0ing there

ROSE: How the fuck did any of you come to the conclusions you all made.

DAVE: we live in america

GAMZEE: I tHoUgHt DeLaWaRe WaS tHaT fOoD dElIvErY sErViCe ThAt KeEpS iNtErRuPtInG yOuTuBe ViDeOs WiTh ThEiR aDs WhEn I'm TrYiNg To HaVe A gOoD tImE :o(

EQUIUS: D--> ..... Are you talking about doordash???

ERIDAN: isnt delawwere the name of that one girl in the song that goes "hey there delawwere" shes from neww york city or somethin

DIRK, about to start pulling his hair out: THAT’S HEY THERE DELILAH.

ROSE: Pausing here to point out that op is “dear-AO3″ and now I’m wondering if Delaware fanfiction would be categorized as RSF (real state fic) or AU (alternate unitedstates)

DIRK: Stop. I do not want to think about this.

NEPETA: :33 < isnt delaware that spn ship that exploded the internet?

DIRK: DESTIEL??????

SOLLUX: ii love that the “no, that’2 [x]” meme ii2 makiing a comeback here and only here and nobody ha2 any iidea what’2 goiing on.

ERIDAN: keep up the good wwork wwe can make poor op havve a melt dowwn yet

DIRK: *puts his head in his hands*

FEFERI: Isn't delaware t)(at one brand of pizza t)(at's like "it's not delivery, it's delaware."

DAVE: is delaware becoming the new benedict cumberbatch

EQUIUS: D--> isn't delaware the god of the sea

DIRK:

JADE: isn't delaware the name of that guy who painted the mona lisa???

DIRK:

TAVROS, going along with the bit: hM,, dELAWARE IS THAT ONE EVIL CYBORG GUY THAT HAS A SON NAMED LUKE AND A RED LASER SWORD,

SOLLUX, also going along with the bit: that2 darth vader. iim pretty 2ure delaware ii2 that other red-la2er 2word guy. you know. the one that 2tabbed quii-gon.

DIRK: What have I created.

HAL: I usually only reblog older posts, but this definitely deserves to be in every tumblr hall of fame.

DIRK: This post has only existed for 8 days.

DAVE: this is fantastic because it goes great with my theory that delaware only exists for tax purposes like all the states really only exists for tax purposes but felaware is particularly fake because back in 2012 i got lost in the alleged delaware area looking trying to get to a family reunion but every time i pulled over for directions i would ask what the hell state i was in now and i went through mayland pennsylvania new jersey AND virginia and i never fucking found delaware so im convinced that not only is the state a purely legal construct they didnt even dedicate any landmass to it or its a government blackzone where the carnivorous horses live

DIRK, quietly: What? That never happened. Dave, what the fuck are you talking about-

KARKAT: WORLD HERITAGE POST.

ROXY: this post literally fills me with life tysm

JANE: this post confused the heck out of me, i don't even know whats going on in this post, why the hell am i rebloging it?

#submission #everyone is here #really long post #source: tumblr #//#homestuck #incorrect homestuck quotes #i am not tagging everyone fuck that #long post #mod jade

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

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Seeing as I don’t have a job right now (one week furlough), I managed to get a lot of writing for Saffron and Sage done today. Now I feel good! Time to ruin that with a Homestuck 2 Liveblog! Last time: Jade kidnapped “Yiffy”, much to Jane’s distress! No time for that, though, as we’re back with the Candyland Kids.

HARRY: vrissy, i know this is a stressful predicament but i think that's going too far. HARRY: my dad believes in us. HARRY: and if he thinks there's something we can do, then there has to be a way!

Kind of interesting that Harry holds his dad’s opinion in such high esteem, considering that his dad has been AWOL pretty much his whole life.

TAVROS: Uncle john isn't to blame for this,,, HARRY: yeah, no shit tav. HARRY: this whole situation is because of YOUR insane hitlermom.

How the hell does Harry Anderson know who Hitler is? When did that conversation come up? This is a completely different universe!

TAVROS: Is less sincere,,, than it is,,, an attempt to weaponize something difficult for me, TAVROS: In order that you can win an argument,,, with harry anderson,,,,, VRISKA: GRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! VRISKA: WILL YOU ALL JUST VRISKA: SHUT!!!!!!!! VRISKA: UP!!!!!!!!

A good example of why characters like John, Jade, Vriska, and sometimes Karkat are important in Homestuck or in stories generally. They actually do shit.

VRISKA: Neither you nor your friends have anything really important going on. VRISKA: Your lives and your planet are a total 8ore! VRISKA: 8ut somehow John loves you anyway. VRISKA: Try and be fucking gr8ful for that every once in a while. VRISKA: Not everyone is so lucky.

Vriska please do not be pining for middle-aged John Egbert. You have literally half a dozen semi-official love interests (John, Terezi, Eridan, Tavros, Meenah and Kanaya), please don’t pick the one old enough to be your dad. It was already weird enough when Adult John got hot and bothered by teen Roxy in the epilogues, to say nothing of you fucking a middle-aged homeless clown in a bush.

thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG]

Oh, fuck you, Homestuck. It’s bad enough that Harry and Dave are both going to be referred to as “TG” in chatlogs, but now Vrissy and Vriska are both AG and have the same font color!

TG: i've allocated the strife specibus with the scissorkind abstratus? TG: hm. TG: using this weird vocab and stuff feels... well, weird. TG: i'm not sure why, but it seems as though everything that's about to happen is that much more important now. TG: or maybe it already was, but i just didn't understand just how important until this moment.

One issue with wearing your metaphor on your sleeve as much as Homestuck 2 does is that thematically important lines become really obvious.

I like how the triangle-shaped panel around Vriska escaping the crowd by simply walking into it is reminiscent of a magic 8-ball. That’s clever!

VRISKA: Your society... no, your whole planet... it deserves to 8urn str8 to MEGAhell, and I'm gonna 8e the one to fly it there! VRISKA: I'm gonna shatter your paradise into pieces with my 8are hands and SHIT IN ITS GRAVE!!!!!!!! VRISKA: HOW'S THAT FOR A FUCKING ST8MENT! VRISKA: YOU GOT ALL THAT, JANE CROCKER? VRISKA: DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT'S COMING FOR YOU???????? VRISKA: YOU'VE MESSED WITH VRISKA: ********VRISKA******** VRISKA: ****FUUUUUUUUCKING**** VRISKA: ********SERK8T********

There’s some extreme Dungeons and Dragons energy here, where Vriska’s plan to escape a mob of reporters working for a totalitarian dictatorship run by literal gods is to simply walk outside and publicly declare her intent to destroy the world as punishment for its sins.

And yeah, this is how that plan usually works in DnD, too.

Man, the next page is a wall of text, whereas in old Homestuck this’d be an animation. I get “fair wages” and “small budget”, but is still feels weird to see a big Strife scene merely get described with boring-ass words.

Fearing gunfire, the few paparazzi who aren't currently getting their asses handed to them by the world's angriest traffic cone start to trip over each other, diving for cover.

The world’s angriest traffic cone.

Far away, in her lair, Jane Crocker grabs the two sides of her computer monitor with enough strength to snap it in two. She can't believe what she's watching. Behind her, from a shadowy corner of the room, there is an agitated growling noise and the rattle of chains.

Is that Yiffy? Is Yiffy an animal? Please tell me Yiffy is not a person that Jade named Yiffy.

....Actually, please tell me that Yiffy isn’t an animal Jade named Yiffy that is Jade’s child via sex with another animal that might be my breaking point.

Vriska alights on the ground, rakes her throat, quietly spits out a little wad of blue, and wipes her mouth unceremoniously. Tavros pats Harry Anderson tentatively on the arm. Vrissy tries to be badass and cough up something too but she doesn't really make it work.

Vrissy::Vriska Vriska::Mindfang

It’s weird that John’s sprite is the same even though he’s middle aged now, but I like that his God Tier outfit doesn’t fit any more. Isn’t it magical? Ahh, who cares.

JOHN: this old thing is pretty uncomfortable in a lot of ways. JOHN: hm... JOHN: when we get a moment, maybe the two of us could brainstorm a redesign? JOHN: no pressure though. HARRY: !!!

Oh, that’s why! That’s cute.

JADE: theres something i need to tell you

don’thavefuckedadogdon’thavefuckedadogdon’thavefuckedadog

JADE: john... i have a daughter JADE: shes almost harry andersons age JOHN: ... JOHN: ... JOHN: you have a daughter.

Named Yiffy?

ROSE: It was at this point that Jade came to me. ROSE: I could understand her pain quite acutely, and so... ROSE: I agreed to carry a child on her behalf. KANAYA: . ROSE: ... Without telling Kanaya.

Without-

Kanaya is your WIFE. You LIVE WITH HER. Even ignoring the question of why you’d keep 9 months of pregnancy from your wife, how? Kanaya would have been living with humans for years at that point and she’s literally in charge of reproduction don’t tell me she thought Rose just got fat for a while and then lost the weight really fast.

ROSE: I'm... not sure why I made that decision. ROSE: I regret not telling Kanaya, of course. ROSE: But I can't say that I regret going through with it. ROSE: At the time, it didn't feel as though the deception was even all that prolonged. The whole affair was... short. ROSE: Purely physical, and nothing more.

ROSE: John, there isn't a father. ROSE: Jade and I are the sole parents of this child. JOHN: oh. JOHN: ... JOHN: OH. JOHN: oh i'm so sorry, i didn't th- ROSE: That's quite alright John, although you might like to direct that apology more towards your sister. ROSE: All I will say is that if you would like to take up the particulars with us, ROSE: Some *other* time,

Actually, if John doesn’t know that Jade has a male dog’s genitals due to a fusion accident, I’d love to know what that all-caps OH means. What does he think happened, that Jade and Rose managed to have a baby?

JOHN: so... how did you hide the pregnancy? ROSE: Oh, that was simple. ROSE: Jade's genes being, as they are, part canine, the gestation period was substantially reduced.

OH NO

Yiffy is literally a furry, isn’t she? Moreso that Jade, she’s a full-on “Can be naked onscreen and it’s okay because she’s covered in fur” dog girl.

JOHN: i think i understand everything so f VRISSY: WAIT!!!!!!!! VRISSY: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME VRISSY: NOT ONLY DO I H8VE A SISTER VRISSY: 8UT YOU NAMED VRISSY: YOUR ****SECRET CHILD**** VRISSY: ********YIFFY********????????

Vrissy makes an excellent point.

ROSE: We didn't call her Yiffy. ROSE: That would be a quite ridiculous thing with which to burden a child. ROSE: Her full name is Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley.

Vrissy looks as though she is about to shit the belltower they are standing in, brick by brick.

ROSE: It was, in hindsight, a monumentally terrible decision acting as the final chapter in a long series of novels, each one full of progressively more terrible decisions than the last. ROSE: But that is the name that we decided upon.

Oh, wait a second. Vriska changed Vriska Maryam-Lalonde to Vrissy, and changed Harry Anderson to just Harry. So obviously she’s going to rename Yiffy to literally anything else, then rename Tavros, and then we’ve got a new set of four kids as Vriska leaves to do something else. That’s what going to happen, right? Right? Please?

ROSE: You have to understand... this whole situation ended up playing out a bit like an ironic game of chicken between the two of us. ROSE: Something that far outstripped anything that the Strider fraternity could have produced in their wildest, most jpegged creative wet dreams. ROSE: But in the end that triumph of irony came back to bite us in the fucking ass, as irony is wont to do. ROSE: There was absolutely no possibility of us casually letting you all know that, by the way, we had had a secret daughter named Yiffany Longstocking. ROSE: At least, not right away. ROSE: But carapacian change-of-name paperwork is so complex and circuitous that, eventually, keeping quiet forever just seemed like the more reasonable option.

This is, even for Homestuck, monumentally stupid. You named your daughter Yiffany Longstocking as a joke and then kept the child secret because you were embarrassed. You two are awful fucking parents. You are the worst parents in the entire series, and that includes Bro Strider and the spider that made Vriska feed it children.

And we’re literally at the point where the writing is bad and the joke is how bad the writing is. This isn’t enjoyable to read; you can’t make a bad B-movie My Immortal fanfic on purpose.

Even now, Yiffy is likely being held at spoonpoint

I feel like “Jade and Rose have a secret daughter named Yiffany Longstocking” can be a joke or it can be drama but maybe not both at the same time.

#Homestuck 2 #Homestuck #Homestuck 2 Liveblog

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birriabirria · 3 years

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polaris is @/regulusrain

terezi: you two don’t have a sacred animal yet dave: guess i could make crows my sacred animals dirk: i am not making seagulls my sacred animal karkat: maybe try an anime girl dirk: i am gonna make my sacred animal an anime girl karkat: i was fucking *joking* when i said that terezi: do it dirk: got it karkat: TEREZI terezi: KARKAT karkat: if i see it when i go down there, i fucking *swear* i’ll destroy it dave: even if it’s from another god dave: that’s heresy karkat: DAVE dave: i’m gonna make hello kitty my sacred animal jade: that’s cute!!! karkat: DIRK dirk: yeah it’s my fault dirk: not rescinding it every time karkat sees the statue of dirk’s sacred animal, he makes this even deeper >:( face. dirk sees it and it never fails to amuse him each time. when they visit their sections, dirk stands on top of the giant statue of his sacred animal and waves at karkat. dirk can feel karkat’s extra deep >:( jane loses her shit every time she sees the statue of dirk’s sacred animal and every time she goes down to the earth and catches sight of it, she goes into a laughing fit that lasts minutes jake: are all of your citizens really clerks??? karkat: and librarians rose: can you send some to me? jade: me too!!! dirk: can i have some? karkat: sure (not all of karkat’s citizens are actually clerks and librarians! but they’re all organized so being clerks and librarians is the stereotype) polaris: Dave’s citizens are all artists. Jane’s are cooks and bakers? Jade’s are hunters and scientists? that would be hard to do so maybe they’re like the most respected jobs? polaris: Maybe yeah. Like the districts in Hunger Games? yeah! and like maybe those jobs become the stereotypical jobs of people from a creators’ section? polaris: What if it’s a personality thing? Like idk. If you’re organized they say that you’re from Karkat’s section. Since everyone moves, the sections all got mixed so it’s more. A category? Urgh don’t know how to explain it. like traits that show that they’re a creator’s worshipper? polaris: Yeah, kind of? Like… It’s not because of where they come but who they’re affiliated with? Like those who are organized are more likely to worship Karkat but it’s not set in stone. You can come from, say, Dirk’s section and worship John instead of Dirk, idk. hm… like there’s cross-section worshipping? polaris: Yeah maybe?? Idk just like… It’s not a geographic thing? Like just becayse you’re born in Karkat’s section doesn’t means that you’ll automatically worship Karkat - there’s a strong chance cause it’s Karkat’s section and therefore filled with Karkat’s worshippers so if you grow up with them of course - idk… i think i might get it. like… someone’s born to karkat’s section is /assumed/ to worship him because the vast majority of the people who live there do but that assumption can be incorrect because the person might worship another creator? polaris: Yeah! It’s like… You’re born into a faith but if something else suits you better you might change? yeah, a person is born and raised into a faith but change faiths when they grow up! dirk: anybody want to make some kaiju? gamzee: what’s kaiju? rose: giant monsters meenah: fuck yeah i want one gamzee: i want one too calliope: i don’t jake: that’s a no from me karkat: no terezi: i want a giant monster! dirk: jane, you want a giant monster? jane: absolutely roxy: i wanna try it out rose: you want any giant monsters, john? john: yeah!!! polaris: Jake saw enough monsters for like two lifetimes thank you. eventually the creators takes sections of all the cold places. they send people to it and watch as they slowly build a life there the citizens of each section wear color-coded clothes too! john’s citizen wear blue, dave’s citizens wear red, rose’s citizens wear lavender, yellow and orange, jade’s citizens wear green, black and white, jane’s citizens wear blue and brown, jake’s citizens wear dark green and yellow, dirk’s citizens wear dark pink and orange and roxy’s citizens wear pink and dark blue kanaya’s citizens and wear jade and other different colors, gamzee’s citizens wear shades of purple, karkat’s citizens wear black, gray and dark red, terezi’s citizens wear teal and blue-green. calliope’s citizens wear red, green and black, davepetasprite’s citizens wear orange and green, arquiusprite’s citizens wear red, indigo and black. meenah’s citizens wear fuschia and black and jasprosesprite’s citizens wear purple and pink the creators making deals with each other for bits of land and even make trade deals so they can go down there and tell their citizens to take it dave: you capitalist jane: thank you! jane: that’ll be twelve apple juice bottles please dave: ugh dave: [hands them over] jane: and here’s the mine! (karkat: what’s a capitalist? terezi: maybe it’s something to do with dave and the economy? kanaya: he does talk about it quite often gamzee: maybe it’s a nickname for jane?) the creators replacing the interjections and “god” in “i swear to god” with each other’s names! jake: kanaya fucking maryam! terezi: i swear to jade harley the creators appearing as giants to the people of earth c sounds pretty cool since gamzee has to play and talk to the other creators, i guess karkat and terezi are kinda okay with him now? hahahaha polaris: I mean pretty sure Terezi would avoid him for, say, two centuries but Karkat… Idk. They were moirails at some point so… Also he would keep an eye on Gamzee to make sure he doesn’t go murderous again so maybe they can become friends again? Even if it would take a long long time for Karkat to forgive him. that’s what i meant with “kinda okay” they’re not even remotely friendly with him and only talk to him when they absolutely have to jane: [comes back to the platform] jane: [puts her head on the table] roxy: you okay jane? jane: i had to yell at them roxy: what did they do? jane: they were thinking about being cannibals roxy: roxy: yeah, that’s worth yelling at jake: [comes over and pats jane comfortingly in the back] polaris: Meanwhile, the trolls are genuinely confused, because “what’s wrong with cannibalism?” roxy and dirk: we should have expected that jake and jane: ????? ???? ? no????

#tabletop god game

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mxbbadperson · 3 years

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ascension pt.1

inspired by the comics wicked + divine

PT.2, PT.3, PT.4

the classpects are deities and karkat is the current incarnation of the knight of blood. does he choose to ascend, get powers, get famous and live the life only to die in three years or choose to keep his life and be a powerless, faceless nobody? aradia and vriska ascend and they’re having a good time. aradia’s… okay with her impending death while vriska is terrified

hm… maybe karkat was offered to ascend but refused so now *kankri* is being offered to ascend and karkat tries to stop him from saying yes. karkat and kankri being tempted into ascending because being of blood means that they’ll have dominion of love and peace. they’re tempted by the thought of being liked and even loved hm… dirk can ascend as well but since he’s the current incarnation of the prince of heart, there’s a high chance that he’ll end the cycle. does everyone know that? maybe not which is why he’s been offered ascension. if people do know that, they didn’t offer him ascension or the people who did have plans for him there’s a possibility of a forced ascension and maybe that happens to karkat and dirk? karkat and dirk are forced to ascend by their friends (gamzee??? jane and jake???) hm… i think rose, jade, jane, jake and roxy ascended. john, dave and dirk are still undecided aradia and vriska ascended, tavros, nepeta, equius, gamzee, eridan and feferi have ascended too. sollux, karkat, kanaya and terezi are undecided damara, mituna, latula, meulin, aranea, kurloz, cronus and meenah ascended while rufioh, kankri, horuss and porrim are undecided think jake, jane, dirk and roxy all ascend because while they want different things it all boils down to wanting to be “special” also it’s ironic that dave ascends to being the current incarnation of the knight of time but even after his powers have greatly expanded, he can’t give himself and his family and friends more time. same for aradia i said the ones who ascend are famous because they become musicians. divine music! and they’re under the three year timer because having that divinity inside them isn’t very good for their mortal bodies. and if they somehow survive the three years, they either gets die through sickness or by bad luck, get killed by someone or something kanaya and rose don’t have much time together… if the eight ascend first, the twelve and even the alpha twelve are their fans. the twelve would be eager to impress the eight! and if the twelve ascend first, the eight would be their fans and would be eager to impress them. different dynamics but both very interesting! hm… what if the timer is actually six years but it gets shorter with how long the ascended use their powers at full strength? the minimum is three years-even two years!-if they use their powers consistently and if they use don’t their powers that much, they can reach up to six years …what if the guardians (with nanna egbert and poppop crocker and excluding the dads) were eligible for ascension but they refused? …if the condesce and the handmaid are in this au and are still alive that means that means that meenah and damara can’t ascend. and since they’re alive way past the timer that means that they’ve unsavory things to keep the timer going. maybe by murdering all the eligible? hm... maybe day (davesprite) and hal are eligible to ascend but only after dave and dirk are either dead or descend? hm… ascending gives physical changes and markings? it changes the hair and eye color! THE TWELVE: aradia’s hair is part red, gears appear down her arm and her eyes are red, tavros’s hair turns blue and the second, lower part of the breath symbol curls under an eyes, the doom symbol is on sollux’s face and his eyes are now completely black, karkat’s hair turns reddish-brown with a red streak and red eyes, nepeta’s eyes turned pink and the right part of the heart symbol appears as “eye shadow“ on her eyelids, over kanaya’s eyes and up to her forehead is black with white, starry spots and the whites of her eyes turn black and her pupils turns white there’s a streak green in terezi’s hair and there’s a stripe of the mind symbol color over her eyes, vriska’s hair turns white, her eyes turn orange and the light symbol appears over an eye, equius’ hair turns blue and his eyes turns completely black, the rage symbol appears over gamzee’s face, eridan’s hair turns blond and the streak turns white and the hope symbol appears on his chest, fefer’s eyes turn grey-brown and the left side and the upper half of the right side of the life symbol appears over her eyes THE EIGHT: rose’s hair turns white, her hair turns yellow and there’s a stripe of orange over her eyes, part of john’ hair and eyes turn to different shades of blue, jade’s hair has white spots and her eyes are now black with white rings, half of dave’s hair is red and the gears appear on his hands and move when he uses his powers, roxy’s hair turns blue and black, there’s a blue stripe over their eyes and their eyes are now completely black, jane’s eyes are gray-light brown and the left side of the life symbol appear as a “tiara“ marking on her forehead, jake’s hair turns blond, his eyes turn white and a hope symbol shaped marking appears over his eyes. dirk’s hair and eyes turn into the different shades of the heart symbol does the straight version of the blood symbol appear on karkat’s face? the middle long arm would be on karkat’s nose and the two short ones would be under his eyes so it looks like there’s blood on karkat’s face and it’s dripping down! or since the blood symbol is tilted then the left side appears under karkat’s eye and the right side appears above his eye! oh! what if the blood aspect appears under an eyes so the drips look like tears? or! what of the blood aspect is doubled and the second one is flipped so both appear under karkat’s eyes and now karkat looks like he’s crying red? hm… a pink stripe or the left side of the heart symbol over dirk’s eyes or a pink lightning bolt over an eye? and the eye that has the lightning bolt over it is the color of the background of the heart symbol and his eyes are heterochromatic because they’re different shades of pink everyone’s outfits are in the aspect colors and when they aren’t, they resemble the class? karkat wears a dark red leather jacket or a dark brown hoodie with reddish-brown shirt and red wrist bands and dirk wears a magenta sleeveless shirt and fingerless gloves with green knee-high boots. dirk goes to fancy party and he wears a diadem? equius, eridan, vriska and feferi’s outfits are flashy and so were karkat and tavros at first because they were showing off but later their outfits were fashionable but simple and so were nepeta, kanaya, sollux, aradia, terezi and gamzee’s. jade, rose, jane, jake, roxy and dirk’s outfits can be pretty flashy but they do have fashionable but simple outfits while john and dave’s outfits were simple through out. dirk with light pink or dark pink hair… though with a pink lightning bolt over an eye and different shades of pink eyes, we might be nearing the pink saturation here hahahaha …dirk having a lichtenberg figure as a mark! if dirk’s hair colors are the heart symbol color and background then that means nepeta’s hair colors are the same too... hm… since dirk ascends to being the current incarnation of the prince of heart and the prince is the destroyer of souls, maybe dirk’s hair, eyes and lightning bolt mark are different shades of light pink? it’s “the soul is almost gone” feel! i guess dave and dirk take off their shades when performing and put them back on after hm… the mind symbol appearing on terezi’s forehead? wait! what if in seers, the aspect symbol appears in their eyes? terezi had the mind symbol in hers, rose has the light symbol and if kankri ascends, blood in his eyes. and thieves and rogues have the aspect symbol on their hands? and so do the knights? dave has gears on his hands and the last joint of karkat’s pointer, middle and ring fingers are red …maybe it’s possible to abandon their place after ascension. they get to live longer but their powers aren’t as strong anymore and they can’t go back to being ascended. they lose their powers, they lose their fame and are left with whatever riches they have left. they abandon it and they’re DONE if karkat stops being the knight of blood, he can’t be the knight of blood ever again and it’s now open for another eligible to ascend into. he can still be rich. if he kept his money but he’s not famous anymore. ascension changed him physically and even his aura so while people think he’s familiar, they don’t connect him to being the knight of blood but that does raise the question of: why would they ever abandon their place? why would they ever choose to be a faceless and powerless nobody again? what a joke if anyone wants to abandon their place, to descend, they have to think about it long and hard. if they get the want and the will to leave, they can leave but there’s a high chance that they’ll regret their decision, they’ll want their place back but they can’t. they’re barred from it and they’d spend their whole lives regretting their decision …the eligible to ascend already have powers but they’re weak so ascending would give their powers a massive boost and possibly new ones seers and sylphs have the aspect symbols in their eyes, knights and thieves have the aspect symbol or colors on their hands, rogues have stripes while pages have the symbols over their eyes, princes have the lightest shade of the aspect colors, heirs have the aspect symbol as a “crown”, maids and witches have aspect symbols on their chest and/or arms, mages and bards have their symbols on their face, i said that the aspect symbol or colors appear on the knight’s hands but the blood aspect symbol appearing over and under karkat’s eyes and down his face is cooler so… these aren’t the hard, concrete rules of what the ascended get. they’re just the observation of what /commonly/ happens …who /is/ searching for eligible to ascend and telling them? the condesce and/or the handmaid? doc scratch? …that does make sense why the previous ascended are nowhere to be seen! they ascended and then killed …what if there isn’t a timer? some of the ascended still die early but there’s other reasons for it. too strong, too much use of divine power takes it’s toll on the human body, they get swept up in the riches and fame and do unsavory things, they indulge in drinks, drugs and other vices and that can be dangerous. and they’ll get killed, by fans, by enemies, by each other. there’s no timer but the ascended still die early. they become arrogant, think themselves gods but forget that they still have mortal bodies and will suffer mortal fates. they can avoid it by tempering themselves, unfortunately, tempering one’s self is hard to do the twelve and the eight perform together! aradia is known to perform with sollux, tavros and terezi and karkat is known to perform with gamzee, kanaya, eridan and the beta four the aspects breath, life, space, heart, light, hope and void have elemental powers while the aspects mind, heart, blood and rage have psychic and emotional powers while doom and even light have powers over luck. time has neither of those things. life has roots and vines, space has darkness and cold, heart has lightning, hope has light and void has darkness since breath, life, space, heart, light, hope and void have elemental powers, they can use them to travel quickly. john and tavros can travel though turning into wind, feferi and jane can travel through the ground, nepeta and dirk travel by turning into lightning bolts, vriska, rose, eridan and jake travel as balls of light and equius and roxy travel through the darkness since mind, heart, blood, rage and time don’t have elemental powers, terezi, karkat, gamzee, aradia and dave have to run or drive or catch a ride to travel anywhere quickly! which means that karkat has a car and terezi, aradia, gamzee and dave have to ask him if he could drive them anywhere hahahaha time doesn’t have an element or emotional power. i guess it has a psychic power because they can make people think that time has passes shorter or longer than it did? maybe dave and aradia move quickly by either being fast or stopping time? i keep throwing ideas out there on what dirk looks like so i’ll throw another one. dirk and nepeta have the heart aspect symbol in their eyes. literal heart eyes! hahahaha i still haven’t decided what to do with aradia and dave. is their hair time aspect colored or does only aradia have it? where is their markings at? down the arm or hands or over the eyes? … maybe dave has gears on his eyes while aradia doesn’t have a facial mark? roxy can travel through darkness so it makes sense that her hair turns blue with blur streaks but nepeta doesn’t have the same power so it doesn’t make sense that her hair is the same. since dirk has a lightning bolt over an eyes, i guess eridan has a white rectangle over an eye?

#karkat vantas #kankri vantas #dirk strider #the beta trolls #the alpha trolls #the beta kids #the alpha kids #my aus

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tanoraqui · 5 years

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I just wanted you to know that I just read all your hellmurder castle 'verse posts and I LOVE THAT AU SO MUCH

what you have to understand about my Hellmurder Castle AU (Homestuck set in the world of Girl Genius, if you haven’t read it) is that it was born specifically from my spite exasperation with all the long, epic AUs about either only the trolls or the trolls + beta kids, with alpha kids appearing as background characters at best and often not at all. Many of these fics are great, and many of them were written or at least planned before the alpha kids even appeared in canon, in which case it’s not the authors’ faults at all. But I LOVE my alpha kids, and Roxy may be my favorite and Dirk is a delight, but I was ALSO tired to tears of how even in fics featuring the alpha kids, it was almost always Derse-heavy.

So I basically said “fuck it”, yeeted them all into the world of Girl Genius (which was inevitable), figured out the torrid backstory of the beta kids and ancestors and how the dancestors and trolls fit in, and set about focussing the plot and character development exclusively on the alpha kids, particularly Jake and Jane. Particularly particularly Jake, because a) I thought him more underappreciated than Jane, and b) the idea of a Heroic Adventurer who constantly has to resist his own reflex to be a minion is fucking funny.

Let’s elaborate, shall we? Because I’m okay again, after the epilogue. I have forgiven. So, the hypothetical pfennig novels/fics in a series:

Jake English: Escape from Castle Lalonde

In which Jake leaves home, and meets a number of interesting people.

covers from basically that scene of Roxy capturing him through Jake escaping with Jane, and them agreeing to be adventuring partners. A lot of the middle consists of Jake helping Roxy and Dirk win back Roxy’s ancestral home of Castle Lalonde, defeating whatever villainous spark - probably an OC - had taken up residence.

Jake means to leave, but Roxy and Dirk need help cleaning up, and getting their labs running, and with interesting projects…and possibly they put a shock collar on him so he can’t leave the grounds…or at least tell him that’s what the collar does, and prove it, like, twice, and then turn it off because they don’t actually want him crippled in an emergency; mostly he’s just a great minion and Roxy is pretty sure he’s destined to be part of their team for defeating the Batterwitch, as laid out in the obscure and highly metaphorical prophecy her mother left her in a wizard book.

this is not at all good ground for either friendship or a healthy minion/master relationship, which is why Jake is pretty damn game to help Jane escape and then run away with her.

Jake English and the Red Miles

in which…I actually have barely any memory of wtf is supposed to happen in this one. Presumably, they have to survive the Red Miles at some point, with some ridiculous series of revivificationsthe trolls show up at Jake and Jane’s camp (okay fine, I love them, too), and after some alarmed mutual weapon-pointing, explain that Jake’s grandmother, Lady English, made them after Jake left, except now she’s died so they’ve come to find Jake and either bring him home or, at least, join his adventuring team and keep him safe

(yeah, Jade instilled some loyalty, which is Sketch. In fairness, when she lost control of the original generation of trolls, all her best friends were killed and/or disappeared, presumed dead. she has reasons)

I wonder if there was supposed to be a timeskip between this and the previous book, or if Escape from Castle Lalonde happened later into Jake going out adventuring than I think, or if Jade just got bored and made 12 new people like…3 hours after Jake left home

for pacing, the trolls should probably show up pretty early in this story, so they have a long time to be around before shit hits the fan

a lot of this book, aside from whatever shenanigans they’re dealing with re: Red Miles, would be Jake dealing with the fact that he is suddenly responsible for 12 people who keep looking to him for orders, and somewhere in the distance is an entire town (Hellmurder Village) that’s likewise.

they do not go back to the Castle at the end of this book, even though they arguably should bc Jake has responsibilities. But he also has adventuring to do, by golly, and…hm, it’s one of the Rings that causes the Red Miles, isn’t it? So maybe they get it at the end of this book, and now they have to track down the other one. Which brings us to…

Jake English and the Rings of Skaia

In which Jake and Jane (and Roxy and Dirk, and 12 young trolls) explore a castle, learn a little history, and generally level up their friendshipsI split up the aspects of Castle Heterodyne in this au: Jake has the recently inherited Castle with the terrifying, nigh-magical power source buried in its depths, and Jane has the abandoned derelict that is fully sentient, most automated, and even more malicious than it is trapped. This is the story of that castle, and the Ring of Life hidden somewhere in it

Jack Noir. The castle’s sentience is Jack Noir. Or perhaps more accurately Spades Slick? Who cares.

I had a very elaborate mythology/history thought up at some point about the twin spark queens of Derse and Prospit and their great enmity, and the saga of betrayal and heroism that marked their reigns and left behind this castle and two super magical scientific rings of power, and I do not remember ANY of it now.

This is the bit where that scene of Dirk ripping out Vriska’s soul comes from. He and Roxy are here for the fabled treasure as well - possibly the castle only appears/is accessible at certain specific times? And they don’t know the trolls are with Jake, so…clusterfuck, there.

Jake English and the Troll Queen

in which the big bad is reveeled

there’s trouble brewing in the countryside, idk, monsters or pirates or something that can be traced, after some investigative heroing, to the self-styled Her Imperial Condescension, still unfortunately at large

mostly this fic is Jake growing into leadering a little more but also addressing the question of that inbuilt loyalty Jade gave this generation of trolls, because really, that was Sketch - and in general, who are we as people defined by who we follow, what groups we ally ourselves with; is it birth or genetics or who raised us or the family we choose or…

i kinda think Dirk and Roxy are conducting concurrent but generally not overlapping investigations to Jake&Jane’s(+the trolls) (dirk and roxy having pretty neatly answered all the above questions years ago by choosing each other, but still being kind of insular about it, and need to relax just enough to trust other people)

in the end there’s some confrontation with the Condesce and she convinces ½-2/3 the trolls to join her bc, honestly, why shouldn’t they

Jake English and the Castle in the Lake

in which…okay, in this one bit of fic I implied her base was in the ocean but I totally had this title written somewhere, so what is the truth??

in the above linked scene, the trolls who stayed with Jake and Jane were Karkat, Terezi, Kanaya, Gamzee, and Feferi, but idk about that. If Feferi’s there, why isn’t Sollux? And, like, Aradia would probably have just fucked off in her own direction completely, given the chance…

our heroes are trying to sneak into HIC’s base and disable it, okay. that is the plot of this one. probably they have to find it first, which is tricky, and basically a D&D dungeon crawl, and that’s before Jane gets tiara’d. Which definitely happens climactically. and then everyone else gets captured, with the possible exception of Dirk, who probably gets beheaded instead. things do not look good for our heroes…

Jake English and the Lost Hero

in which we find out exactly what happened in the previous generation

maybe even alternating chapters, past/present?

what happened basically is that the first generation of trolls, the Ancestors, went absolutely batshit roughly as per homestuck canon. The Condesce, being OP, started just conquering land. She was stopped, eventually, mostly by the epic sacrifice of Rose and Dave. And John…except Rose and Dave’s bodies were found, and in a clusterfuck of inventions warping time and space and reality itself, John’s never was

Jade survived, of course. obviously.

John did, too, it is revealed. He was just disconnected from the time-space continuum, stuck popping up in random times and places, sometimes close to those he loved and sometimes not, mostly uncontrollable…

he’s appeared here and there throughout the stories, probably, a mysterious figure in blue who nearly has time to say something before dissolving into fizzing wind. Now he appears more frequently, and for longer periods as the story goes on, including just enough to help break Roxy and Jake out of prison. And whichever trolls were stubbornly sticking with them - if the Condesce wasn’t just mind-controlling all the reluctant ones…let’s be real, she was…lotta “I know you’re in there somewhere” fights here, probably

also, Vriska reveals herself to still be trying to help our heroes, because it is SO Vriska to try to double-cross Her fucking Imperious Condescension

this double-cross is revealed partly from her using Jake’s minioning safeword that he developed with Grandma Jade, way back when; meaning roughly “I don’t want to do this but I’m not sure I can stop”. It’s pumpkin, of course.

they revivify Dirk on the way out, and either stop in the Condesce’s lab to get sparkily distracted trying to pin John into reality or they make it back to Hellmurder Castle before doing that?

What am I saying. The Condesce is probably working on some spacetime-warping tech of her own, and Roxy, Dirk, and Jake use it to fully anchor John for the first time in…who knows, subjectively? It’s possible he stays behind to buy them time to run

Jake English and the Battle for the Green Sun

in which things come to a head

aka the Battle for Hellmurder Castle, and it’s mysterious and terrible power source

Jane and half or so of the trolls start out on the Condesce’s side, but if you thought there were good “I know you’re in there” fights before, just WAIT until Jake saves Jane with the power of friendship

ultimately, it’s alpha kids + Alternian trolls + dancestor-clanks VS Her Imperial Condescension

it’s close

it’s very close

I would have krilled for an H–EIR—ESS CHALLENGE X3 COMBO, ie, Jane, Feferi, and Meenah vs. the Condesce, so that happens

John maybe appears one last time-displaced time, for him before the events of Lost Hero, to deliver a well-timed hammer swing

I love Jake, but I’ll give Homestuck this one: Roxy getting the final blow with an ancestral Strider sword? Perfect.

in the denoument Jake awkwardly invites everyone to live in Hellmurder Castle, because he feels vaguely like he should stay and look after it, and of course he wants his chums around. Jane, Roxy, and Dirk are all like, “well, a real lab or seven would be amazing…but also…adventuring. Why don’t YOU come with US?” Jake is like, “oh JEEPERS yes!” The trolls and dancestors meanwhile talk out among themselves who genuinely wants to stay and who wants to go out adventuring, either with these idiots or just to make their own way

#homestuck #girl genius #jake english #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #hellmurder castle au #my fic #ficlet #ministro spei #virgine vitae #hs trolls #dancestors #latrone nihil #duce animi #random anon asks

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the-hs-etaverse · 4 years

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Uh heck with it, here are my personal sexuality headcanons for the Homestucks. By no means do you have to agree with me :3 also since troll society is binormative I shall be typing that a lot

John: … I feel like he’s straight, but I’m also not opposed to the concept of him being ace. Unsure about the concept of June, tbh

Rose: Lebsiab lesbiam less bien girls. I feel like she self-identified as ace for a while, but then she met Kanaya and went “... Maybe I was wrong about that.”

Dave: Bi, prefers guys

Jade: … I think she’s bi. Prefers guys

Jane: Straight. Maybe she’s in denial/comphet, but I kind of doubt it tbh

Roxy: Bi. Very much so. Prefers guys

Dirk: Gay. Possibly ace homoromantic?

Jake: Bisexual aromantic. Prefers girls

Aradia: … actually, she might be ace/aro. I’m not sure. Either that or bi. If she has any inclinations, I don’t expect her to act on them

Tavros: Bi, possibly ace? Never given it much thought tbh. Prefers guys but falls prey to compbi

Sollux: Bi, no preference

Karkat: Bi, no preference

Nepeta: Bi, unsure about preference tbh

Kanaya: Uh, probably ace homoromantic.

Terezi: Bi. I think she might be more inclined to have pitch crushes on guys and flushed crushes on girls

Vriska: Bisexual homoromantic. I’m like 60% sure she’s trans.

Equius: Ace. I think he’s trying to convince himself he enjoys the musclebeast stuff but it’s just making him uncomfortable and he doesn’t really like it. But then again, who knows. He’s kind of an enigma

Gamzee: Bi, prefers guys

Eridan: … I wanna say he’s bi, but I also feel like he’s at the very least heterocurious? Maybe it’s just the incel vibes, but he does seem straight to me tbh

Feferi: Bi, prefers guys

Damara: Bi, no preference

Rufioh: hm. Maybe bi, maybe gay, leaning towards bi

Mituna: Bi, no preference

Kankri: I wanna say he’s taken a celibacy vow.

Meulin: Bi, no preference?

Porrim: For the sake of argument I’m just gonna say bisexual homoromantic

Latula: Bi, probably no preference

Aranea: I don’t think she’s one for relationships tbh. But let’s just say bi, prefers girls

Horuss: … ya know, I feel like he’s gay? But I don’t really know him well enough.

Kurloz: Ace/aro.

Cronus: Bi, no preference

Meenah: I wanna say bisexual homoromantic tbh

Calliope: Ace.

Caliborn: Ace.

#homestuck #headcanons #queue

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gal-liveblogs · 5 years

Text

So we start off Homestuck 2 with a picture of space. Got some green space clouds. So far nothing I would not expect. Though I see there also appears to be a spaceship of some kind, zooming through all this space. Would this be Dirk’s ship?

. . . Yep. That’s defiantly Dirk’s ship. I’m sure Theseus has some really deep, literary meaning, but the reference flies right over my head. As does most of Dirk’s references. He’s too smart for me.

I find it funny that Jake continues the tradition of emblazoning his face on his things. We saw his alt-self of Grandpa Harley doing at all the time. Dirk, of course, has to scribble out the face of his ex.

Dirk. Dirk, are you wearing a villain cape right now? Is that what you’re doing in this moment? Dirk, please.

He is totally wearing a villain cape, complete with tattered edges. He is also wearing a Heart gi, because Dirk is nothing if not anime.

Jesus Christ, I already see the paragraphs of orange under this. You’re gonna make me read all this, aren’t you. Dirk?

Dirk proves to be as verbose as ever.

So did Dirk really write out all his narration on physical pieces of paper and scatter them over his desk? Did he do that just to be Extra, or is that something he has to do as an Author now? Do they only count in the narrative text if they are actual text and not just his own thoughts?

Whatever the case may be, Rose interrupts his soliloquy.

I have it on authority that decanting is sometimes necessary to ensure a wine is at its best. I like to think that the same was ultimately true of her.

Decanting of a person’s soul sounds particularly ominous, thought I can’t express the exact reason why.

ROSEBOT: I just imagined you wearing an apron over your god tier outfit and almost felt my facial fuselage buckle in such a way as to approximate a fleeting smile.

Glad to see being a robot and also assimilating all her possible selves Rose remains a sass queen.

DIRK: Alright we get it you are literally a robot.

DIRK: No need to keep pointing it out every chance you can get. I got enough of this with the Auto Responder.

ROSEBOT: I'm just playing along.

ROSEBOT: One of the fundamentals of bad science fiction is that any artificial beings must make their inorganic nature known at every juncture they can.

DIRK: Do overly precise and completely meaningless statistics that you pull out of your ass on the fly also count?

ROSEBOT: Oh absolutely.

ROSEBOT: That's one of the first things you just sort of spontaneously learn when being booted up.

ROSEBOT: For example, I've calculated that by making these remarks I have raised the base level of amusement in all my conversations by 36%.

DIRK: Well I don't personally find them very funny.

Dirk has some trauma with robots pulling out bullshit statics. Which makes it all the more fascinating he continues to build robots that can have free thought.

Jesus Christ, it wasn’t just the lighting, Dirk’s shades really are orange now. Hussie may not have known about Kamina when he designed Bro, but Dirk always wearing Kamina glasses has just become a part of his character. So much so that they are even colored like Kamina’s instead of black now. I have to wonder, had Kamina not been a character that already existed or if people hadn’t kept pointing out that Dirk/Bro wore shades similar to an anime character, would Dirk be so anime? Is being anime just a character trait that Hussie gave him because of a funny coincidence and he wanted to play up the joke, or was he always intended to be so anime?

Also is that trashcan literally an inferno?

ROSEBOT: I just thought you might like to know that we're getting pretty close to your chosen crash site.

Do they not know how to land the ship? Does the ship not have landing gear? Do they need to crash for narrative reasons and otherwise would be perfectly capable of landing normally? Is Rose just making a joke?

DIRK: Wait, crash site??

Oh, good, Dirk is as confused as I am. So that rules out narrative reasons.

ROSEBOT: A landing gear appears to have fallen just a little outside the realm of vital.

So lacking landing gear it is! God damn it, Jake.

DIRK: (God DAMN it English.)

Ha!

ROSEBOT: Don't be such a chud, Dirk.

I am afraid to ask what a chud is. Is that like a cuck? I don’t know what a cuck is either. I am also afraid to ask what a cuck is.

ROSEBOT: She's functionally mortal, remember?

Yeah, that really sucks that Karkat, Terezi, and Kanaya all lack godtier. Karkat would complain about his lack of flight abilities, but I’m surprised Terezi or Kanaya never brought up this fact. Especially Kanaya, what with her marriage to Rose. Kanaya would eventually grow old and die, leaving Rose to keep on living. Of course, Rosebot has decided to leave her loving wife behind so in this particular case that point doesn’t matter.

DIRK: You mean to say that you don't think we'd be in peril if it came to it?

DIRK: There's nothing about our situation that strikes you as falling within the bounds of precarity, as far as the rules are concerned?

ROSEBOT: Oh. You're right. I suppose I hadn't thought of that.

ROSEBOT: But I think we can remain calm in the knowledge that nothing particularly heroic is going on right now. At least, not that I'm aware of.

DIRK: ... Right.

Not sure if Dirk’s meaning flew over Rose’s head, or if she’s just choosing to ignore the possibility of Just deaths as a joke.

That doesn't mean this (*gestures to the narrative*) isn't still going to be a thing, though.

I don’t know why, but this tickles my funny bone.

All in all I think you'll find, as far as narrators go, I'm an excellent... hm. On second thought, maybe that's a bit of a problematic phrase. Yeah, yikes, that one's got a sordid history. Best we steer clear of it. We're all lucky I'm around to make those kinds of sensitivity judgements on everyone's behalf.

I’m glad you can recognize that Homestuck fans all have a fight or flight response that that memetic phrase, but I don’t appreciate you patting yourself on the back for being sensitive when you, as a narrator, could not use Roxy’s correct pronouns once they came to light.

It's time to get this story back on the rails, back to what it was always supposed to be. I know it, and you've somehow always known it too. There was something else, some other route that Homestuck was meant to take but then didn't, a way that wouldn't've spent so much time dicking around with stuff nobody cares about. Like seriously, why did we all have to sit through talking about everyone's most intimate and private feelings for two hundred thousand fucking words. That would never have happened in Act 1. Where did it all go wrong?

So Dirk’s grand plan is to go back to the asinine tomfoolery of Act 1? To do away with character relations and feelings and have people messing around with their sylladexes? I must say, I never would have expected this from the likes of Dirk. I thought he was all about the complex thought processes and inner turmoil.

Thank you for returning the narration to classic black, Dirk. It’s so much easier on the eyes.

Channelling my full potential as an ascended player of Heart, I expand my consciousness to commune with the boundless force of collective willpower that is the internet.

Wow, who knew Heart players could become the internet. I mean, I guess it makes sense. The internet is just a collection of people, and Heart is all about the soul.

I was really hoping the command box he made would be an actual command box. I missed out on the Homestuck days of old where the command box was a real thing. It would have been fun to be a part of that myself, but I understand the fandom is just too big for that ever to be feasible again. That’s why it was done away with in the first place, and that was when the fandom was smaller.

The writers came up with e good command, though.

Yeah, I have a feeling Dirk is going to decide to ignore this command and stop taking suggestions. Either that, or he’s going to inform us that he is not making Homestuck, he’s making Homestuck 2.

But I should have known better. People think you can run a story like this? This must be just about the stupidest idea anyone has ever come up with. I'll just have to make up the commands myself from here on out. Seemed to work ok for the other guy.

Yep, pretty much what I expected.

Oh Jesus Christ, what even is this room?

O.K., let’s take things from the top. Looks like we got the beta kids’ entry items, as well as their Aspect flags from Prospit and Derse. Why does Dirk have these things? There also appear to be some cruxite dowels next to them, but they are any of the colors we’ve seen before.

WOAH, HOLD UP, Are those Dave’s copies of SBURB? Or are they Bro’s? Clearly Dirk has just collected a bunch of items from various points in Homestuck’s timeline like some sort of museum. For what purpose, though?

Oh my god, there’s a Tab watering can. I assume it was alchemized, since Dirk mentioned earlier using alchemy to make his rad new shades. I wonder why Dirk has that Skaianet poster on his wall. I would have thought he’d want nothing to do with anything Jake had his fingers in. Then again, there also appears to be a kotatsu with Jake’s bedspread in the middle of the room.

I can’t tell what the green thing is next to the mutated kitten. Or what that other green thing next to the robot horse is either.

OH FUCK ME THERE’S A ROBOT CAL IN THE PROCESS OF BEING MADE. DIRK, NO. WHY. YOU HAVE THE NARRATIVE CONTROL NOW, YOU SHOULD KNOW CAL IN ANY FORM IS BAD NEWS.

Is that... Is that an anime body pillow there at the bottom?

I also keep my FLORA OF THE SUCCULENT PERSUASION in here, so's I can keep an eye on them.

Dirk grows succulents... That is not a character trait I expected of him.

> Continue

#homestuck 2 #homestuck 2 liveblog #liveblog #gal liveblogs

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

Text

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 10 - Candy Part 1 again

I was told that finishing the epilogue MAY make me feel better by some with opinions, with some vague hints that the ridiculous start of Candy may have underlying reasons, so now that I’m awake again (though my stomach is roiling a bit again) I’m gonna take another crack at it.

Alright, so I was also hinted that this Candy part ends with a different cliffhanger, so maybe those two will cancel out? That’s my hope anyway.

Reading page 1 again since I didn’t finish the very tail end of it... alright, so WHY IS ROXY CRYING again???? Was she just PRETENDING that she didn’t know it might turn out bad for John if he went at the end of the last one? Was there some weird mind-rewriting going on? Is the crying a symptom of this whole thing potentially being an our!Callie fanfic and she knows what’s being dodged?? Don’t know.

Alright, let’s have him save Gamzee and... is Vriska going to get saved in this version? Or is that descent into the black hole without seeing what happens her well-deserved comeuppance while only the ghost version of Vriska truly figured out how to be happy?

==>

Dirk acknowledges him when he zaps back, but it’s YOUNG Dirk so hopefully there isn’t any stupid Meat stuff going on.

...Yeah, Gamzee immediately being repentant is weird as shit. Maybe he Chucklevoodoo’d Callie into escaping him into this whole candied mess so he could start shit, I dunno. That or this isn’t really Gamzee or someone’s manipulating him or etc etc etc. The hint I got earlier was that if I thought Calliope wanting to bring Gamzee back and everyone just rolling with it was a little out of character, there are “reasons”, so I’m just going through all of this under the assumption that some emotion-manipulating weirdness is going on regardless.

Oh shit, Gamzee’s going to start recounting his character reasons for doing bad stuff in a surface-hope of justification and understanding. All the characters immediately recognize how painfully groanworthy this is going to be.

GAMZEE: AnD sUcH iS wHy I’m GrAbBiNg HoLd Of My RePeNtAnCe As FiRm AnD sErIoUs As I wOuLd A wHoRe’S tItTy!

Yeah, that really encapsulates how “serious” all of this is. And of course, John’s not having any of it.

Yeah, Terezi wouldn’t have any of it either, remotely.

Something feels different, but he can’t put his finger on it.

Hm. The aforementioned manipulation-weirdness?

==>

Okay, so it’s kind of Dirk who notices something different and is cancelling his stupid villain plans, got it.

Volatility of causality, huh?

(I’m going to be going through these parts a little faster than the Meat section, unsurprisingly.)

==>

Okay, Rose and Kanaya, are we gonna cure her substance abuse or--

With all the distance between them lately,

God damnit, have Dirk’s manipulations extended that far OFFSCREEN or is this legitimate character distancing???? Because either is BAD. >:(

Right, now that the plot and “relevance” has been sidelined over to a different timeline, Rose can now breathe easy free of her condition. And whichever parts of her condition were, perhaps, IMPOSED on her. Fuck.

I’m going to try my fucking best to cling to this, hope I can carry on a memory after this is over that DOESN’T imagine Rose trapped in a fucking existential dying villain coma with a hard fucking cutoff that promises nothing is ever coming to resolve it ever. (Or Jade in a somewhat-similar sidelined situation, or Jane doomed to fuck herself over and everyone else too, or...)

What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any of it mattered at all. Was she insane to be so consumed by such lofty concerns, and is she only beginning to experience clarity today, for the first time in ages?

Yeah, you’re no longer in a timeline of Light and relevance. And that’s not so bad, which is something you never expected to be true given your derision of the concept. Void is pretty goddamn alright.

--Oh right, the illness and substance abuse probably caused plenty of distance between them.

KANAYA: There Was A Feeling I Couldnt Shake That Something Terrible Was Going To Happen To Us KANAYA: Something That Neither Of Us Could Stop KANAYA: A Powerful Outside Force That Would Take You Away From Me KANAYA: And I Couldnt Stop Myself From Thinking That Maybe KANAYA: Maybe That It Would Be For The Best ROSE: Kanaya... KANAYA: I Can Now See That This Is Completely Ridiculous

For some reason, this doesn’t settle my stomach much? It’s clear Andrew wove this in here so that if you read Meat first, you’d be able to acknowledge readily how this diverged in a way the characters kind of recognize, and... I’m not sure what I’m even saying. It’s like there’s hope that this is TRYING to take the bad taste out of my mouth, but I don’t believe it overly much.

ROSE: What a relief, considering that we are both going to be young and magically fit literally forever.

Wait, so they DID find a way to extend their non-ascended friends’ lifespans to practical immortality? Jane’s Life powers? Something else?

==>

yay jade. more extended dave metaphors. calm down stomach.

JADE: i never thought id be thinking of you as my weird nerd friend by the time we were in our twenties

Heheheh.

DAVE: yeah well i never thought youd be like the premiere woo girl on the planet

Had to look up what a “woo girl” was.

Yes Jade go flirt them to death

What she’s planning isn’t a seduction. It’s a public service.

Pff

(And yeah, she’s being pushy but at least she doesn’t go DIRK FAR about it.)

DAVE: its incredible hes driven at least ten people off the site by creating thinly veiled parody accounts of their usernames

Oh my gosh, Karkat’s good enough to ANDREW HUSSIE them?!??? :D

That’s incredible.

Karkat knows damned well what a husband is. He’s been force-fed enough bad movies from Dave to pick up any human euphemism you could name. He still plays dumb sometimes, for comedic effect, to irritate his friends, or simply to avoid a topic of conversation altogether.

Yeah, it was always pretty clear that about HALF of the trolls pretended not to understand something human that they knew about just for comedic effect and they knew it. :)

It would be pretty easy to mistake his reaction for arousal, so it’s understandable that Jade is extremely surprised when Karkat snaps his jaw shut and chomps down on her hand.

PFFFFHahahahah :D

And yep, Jane cancelled her run at Dirk’s direction.

DAVE: lets all just thank whichever christ was responsible for making whatever decision resulted in her deciding not to do that

*nod nod*

JADE: well i hope she gets a better hobby JADE: there are a lot of less ominous things she could do with her time KARKAT: WHAT, LIKE FUCKING HER WAY THROUGH HALF THE POPULATION OF EARTH C?

Jade pinches his ear and twists hard, smiling pleasantly.

JADE: get fucked karkat

Yeah, this is about the level of violence/threat I’d expect from Jade when anyone slut-shames her for perfectly acceptable behavior.

==>

There is almost no crime on Earth C, and so almost no one locks their door.

Huh. I guess post-scarcity might do that.

Alright, we get to see Jane being less of a fuckass.

Dirk was the one person on Earth C who took the state of the locksmith industry with the seriousness it deserved.

Pffff

JAKE: Thats my theory at least. Maybe its tommyrot but i have faith that dirk will be back. After all where is he going to go?

Good question that wasn’t answered in Meat, so of course Jake says it here obliviously.

JAKE: I must admit i am rather half rats at the moment. JANE: You’re what? JAKE: Haha sorry that was a pretty obtuse way of putting it wasnt it. JAKE: What i mean to say is that ive been powdering my hair quite a bit today.

Andrew is SO good at making Jake sound completely incomprehensible.

...Ouch, Jane, don’t drink so hard! D:

The “morbs”??

JAKE: Dirk has that manner about him does he not? JAKE: A way about him that makes you feel like whatever you do as long as it does not involve him it doesnt count for dick.

Yeah, fuck Dirk.

Hm... is the absence of relevance affecting them, or some other manipulation? It’s not just the LACK of Dirk’s manipulation.

JAKE: Except of course for that time when you were under mind control and had me trussed up in your lair as you pontificated villainously about using me as a breeding stud to create a blood lineage for your incumbent corporate space empire.

A fate Dirk seems to agree with, judging by Meat. Let’s sidestep that fucking entirely, thank you.

...yeah, I didn’t expect Jake’s response to be any less oblivious than exactly that.

==>

So why DID Callie bring Gamzee back, anyway? Is there some secret use for him in mind? Was she manipulated into it? Maybe BY Gamzee? Hm.

...alright, priestly with followings. That ain’t good. Is he aiming for Clown President MK2?

Everything Callie and Roxy have done and said in this Candy section so far seems creepily contrived, possibly by design.

...okay did they have some kind of weird agreement? Like, “okay John is gonna make his choice, and if he chooses to stay i try dating him instead of you, Callie”??? That’s... no that can’t be it. Roxy’s NEVER acted THIS oblivious before. What’s she playing at?

GAMZEE: mY fUcKiN *gUy*. :o) JOHN: ... GAMZEE: My DuDe AnD mY nInJa AlIkE. GAMZEE: mY *hOrN* dOoOoG. JOHN: ... GAMZEE: mY hOrN tO tHa MoThErFuCkIn DoG. ;o) JOHN: waiter! help!

I’m imagining Gamzee now as a sweaty and homeless, unkempt Guy Fieri.

Yeah, this doesn’t look like it’ll be fun.

==>

...Swifer Eggmop. ¬_¬”

There’s a third member of their social group who definitely hasn’t arrived at the conclusion that his power and influence should be meted out responsibly either. Neither of them speak his name, however. For some reason, it feels like a shadow passing over the sun. A brief spike of pain flickers through Rose’s head, a bolt that strikes between her eyes and splinters out. There is color and light behind it. A vision that tears through the material reality in front of her and gives her a brief glimpse into a parallel reality where things are very different.

Yeah, fuck Dirk.

...Pff. Yeah, Rose WOULD mimic the record-scratch gesture.

Don’t invoke “never seeing Vriska again” like that, you’re really tempting fate.

Heh, Rose is finding some Light in the darkness, wanting to do something that’s meaningful on an expressive level with this Vriskgrub business.

Hm... why is my stomach a little less uneasy?

I sure hope it stays that way.

==>

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, ARE THE MECHANICAL GLUTES ON THAT BILLBOARD ACTUALLY PADDED WITH PLUSH TO MAKE THEM MORE LIFELIKE?

Heck Yes

...Yes, touch the butt, Karkat.

Jade, pouting a bit, glides in between them and uses her Space powers to teleport Dave’s phone out from the center of his traumatized palm and into the pocket of her sweater.

Hm! So she still has teleportation abilities over a limited range even without her Green Sun boost, that’s nice. :D

After all, where would these two pitiful beta boys be without her?

Oh my fucking god stop being Dirk, Jade. And never use that narrative language again, even in your head. Heck, even if Dirk’s the one WRITING this still, don’t even think CLOSE enough to think those words.

...yeah this sounds like an Active player class taking things slightly too far.

Thank you, Karkat, for drawing the consent-line in the sand. Looks like Jade’s backing off a little.

--hold on, wait, Dave kissed him? He did, so why is-- let me read back up--

Dave doesn’t answer. She answers for him by leaning down and planting a dry, affectionate kiss on Karkat’s cheek.

Okay I misread this line earlier. Jade kissed Karkat when neither of them were looking and is BLAMING Dave. Hmm.

Alright, Dave ollies outie. Karkat tumbles down some hillstairs.

Jade could probably catch him. Actually, she could easily do it, but it doesn’t seem like the kind of favor you should do in a fledgling kismesissitude.

Thaaaat’s a little presumptuous??

JADE: well i guess im eating grub spaghetti alone JADE: *again*!!!

I’d be sadder if you didn’t bring it down hard upon yourself but

==>

Yeah, John, better clear up this Callie business because it’s muddy as heck why Roxy would just drop everything to try things out with you.

Ah, we’re bringing up the gender identity thing on this side too, hm?

More serious talk, this is good, reading reading...

The glasses clink together clumsily, and water gets all over the complimentary breadsticks.

Oh no. This had better not be Olive Garden.

ROXY: no one else has ever made me feel like this

--not Calliope???

What the heck is even going on.

Dave’s coming for some bro help it looks like.

==>

It’s hilarious how much Dave is freaking out about this, and how completely in-character it is.

JOHN: holy fucking shit. JOHN: there’s a gay snooze button? DAVE: yeah man theres a gay snooze button JOHN: wow.

I love these two’s conversations

......wait, Dave’s been holding off on kissing Karkat because of what he thinks JADE might think???? D:

JOHN: i almost managed to forget that she was trying to fuck you and karkat.

Pfffffffff :D

Yep. I love it being put so bluntly.

Reading on... yeah, for some reason I also always figured that the end result of a nice three-way relationship between those three people would be Jade and Dave essentially both just glomming onto Karkat more than each other? Hm.

JOHN: i mean... it doesn’t sound... JOHN: *canon*?

...I hope you’re just talking about his coin flip explanation and not DaveKatJade. >:(

John wonders when talking to Dirk has fixed anything for anyone.

Nod nod.

She grins up at John with shimmering, adoring eyes. They’re reflecting every star in the sky, all for him.

Seriously, what the hell. Is Roxy hypnotized? Putting on an act? A voidy act??

I’m not doubting that Roxy COULD feel that way about John, I’m doubting the suddenness and the way Calliope is being deliberately ignored in the situation, which is so goddamn obvious that JOHN is uncomfortable about it. There’s something seriously strange going on.

It itches at the back of his head, the idea that he might have just fucked up Dave’s entire life.

Alright next post after a bit of breakfast.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

Text

Homestuck Liveblog #182

UPDATE 182: Nothing Goes According to Plan

Last time the epilogues had started. First the meat route! Featuring John going to fight Lord English with many teenage versions of his friends, and Dave and Karkaroni launching their candidacy for president to stop Jane from getting there. Let’s continue.

Wherever John just zapped everyone to is very dark. Given the final destination likely is the place where they’ll fight Lord English, this would be inside one of the bubbles, no? I don’t remember them being particularly dark or dreary, so maybe they’re in the space between the bubbles instead. Shouldn’t be too difficult to find the one with Lord English, just look for the one with the destructive light show.

Apparently they arrived very early. It’s Caliborn, Gamzee and that robot rabbit. Hm. Perhaps this is when they went to fight Caliborn according to the clay theater show?

Lord English is holding something that looks like... Lil Cal? It’s definitely Lil Cal, and Lord English is definitely waltzing around with it in his little spotlight in the middle of the nowhere, swinging the puppet around by both its floppy arms. Well, rather, he was waltzing around. He stopped the moment you looked at him.

...okay then, of all things for Caliborn to be doing, dancing the waltz with the puppet wasn’t really one of them. Consider me surprised, story.

John and Caliborn do a staredown that’d have filled like eighteen pages of Homestuck, and John gives him a thumbs-down. Caliborn takes umbrage with that, although it’s just for a little while, before laughing and deciding this really was the moment represented by the clay theater thing. So, if I recall correctly, that ended with the Original Wonderkids being trapped in the juju, and Dirk shoving Caliborn and the red sprite whose name I don’t remember into the puppet. Foregone conclusion?

CALIBORN: BE QUIET.

CALIBORN: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT YOU JUST INTERRUPTED A GROUNDBREAKING INTERPRETIVE ART PIECE.

CALIBORN: IT WAS THE FIRST OF ITS KIND. PERFORMED ONLY ONCE. AND MADE MORE VALUABLE FOR ITS RARENESS.

JOHN: wow.

Yes, John, the guy who will destroy existence and also ruin everything still is a dork. Surprise?

Caliborn seems very confident everything will go according to plan and maybe he has reasons to believe that. I mean, it has to, for this to not be a paradox and doom everybody in the process. And yup! Effectively, the ninth page is all about how the heroes lost and got trapped in the juju. It didn’t go all according to the claymation theater because there were some minor and unimportant deviations, but it ended with their loss. I do wonder if we’ll see what happened after they got trapped, though. Kind of doubt it, given this is from John’s point of view.

Nope, it’s Jane. Alright, time to see what’s going on with her and how accurate Dave and Karkaroni’s assessment of her is.

So, I have read several paragraphs now. I can definitely see why those two would say that, and although it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, I do sense a constant and unsettling ‘I know better than everyone’ vibe over all this. Then there’s the matter of word choice:

In fact, Jane is pretty sure that Karkat Vantas would probably literally burst into flame if too many people happened to look at him at the same time, like a vampire walking out into the sun.

Wait. Jane lowers the pillow from her face and stares at her brass-and-glass art deco ceiling. Was that vampire thing xenophobic against Kanaya? Or whatever it was that Kanaya was supposed to be? No, of course not, she assures herself.

---

And despite being inarguably the dimmest of his family’s impressive ecto-biological stock...

Oh, dear. Stock. That’s likely a problematic word, isn’t it? Jane thinks. She crosses it off her mental list of “appropriate words to say during a press conference.”

----

And the consorts? Who had even given them the right to vote in the first place?

----

But Earth C’s paper-thin idyllic history was very close to a boiling point—its very first boiling point, in fact, which will have everything to do with the problematic nature of troll reproduction. The first generation of natural-born trolls obviously cannot be entrusted to a troll.

Which was absolutely not a xenophobic thing to think. It was just realistic. The citizens of Earth C were able to rest easy knowing that the government held careful rein over the... well, over matters of equity.

All that? It’s not outright awful, but it’s enough to leave a nasty aftertaste when you think about it for a moment. Can’t say I know how anything’s supposed to work in the so-called idyllic society of Earth C, or what kind of intricate social problems exist, so I can’t really comment about most of this without making a loooooot of assumptions that are a burden to deal with, but all this about controlling troll reproduction is an uncomfortable callback to the Condesce’s efforts to control human reproduction and mold it to her tastes. I doubt Jane would go that far, but it still is too much of a similarity to it. When I said last update she totally was the Condesce’s descendant it was a joke, not a wish for this, golly.

That aside, in all this I have the impression Hussie isn’t walking the walk, or whatever the colloquial saying goes. I don’t know why exactly he decided to go in this direction with the character, but to me it feels like he’s both trying to push in that direction and try to keep Jane similar to how she was in Homestuck. It’s just a few paragraphs and she hasn’t even said a word to another character, but to me it feels like he’s not committing to the characterization he’s trying to make here. You can’t do both at the same time, seriously. Maybe it’d work if it was an entirely new character instead of an existing character – and by Jove this story doesn’t need new characters, that’s for sure – but yeah, right now? All this with Jane? It’s...not really working for me. It feels kind of clunky.

I definitely can see why I heard people were unsatisfied with the epilogue, though! A character being given unsavory traits and inclinations it didn’t have before must have been an unwelcome shock.

Welp! Time to call Jake! I suppose she’ll try to get his political endorsement thanks to the major political capital he now has. Let’s see if it works!

JAKE: Ahoy ahoy!

Jane has to suck in a hard breath to stop herself from groaning. Why were so many of the finest young minds on this planet slaves to this foolish man’s perky glutes?

Can Jake be treated as more than a one-dimensional character with an ass jutting out? Would be great.

Apparently getting shot with horse tranquilizers is how the shows have been ending for a while already. No wonder there are riots every time, so much for the underdog victory in that show. Still, it’s working, because he’s adored by everyone. Jake sounds like he’s okay with this, but really, he must have a breaking point. You can get shot with horse tranquilizers only so many times before you demand it to stop.

JAKE: Its beginning to feel like all people want from me is to stick my derriere on a signpost for their own profit.

Funny you’d say that, given how much it’s been featuring in this epilogue.

Jake isn’t really the brightest bulb, but he’s not so dense he wouldn’t notice this, yup. Maybe he’d be relieved to know Dave and Karkaroni want him to wink and give double pistols at the camera instead of showing his butt on a billboard. If that’s what makes Jake support them over Jane I’ll laugh and also feel pretty bad for him.

In all this, Jane invites Jake to see her, saying she’s ready to give him what’s best for him. That’s...pretty manipulative, knowing what she wants. Still, she managed to convince him to go see her, so that’s that. I don’t think this meeting will go like she wants to, so I’m kind of dreading it. Next page!

Apparently John never considered the possibility they’d lose against Caliborn. I mean, it’s hard to imagine you’d get trapped into a juju that’s essential a complete void in the universe, but still! He says he screwed up, and praises Rose. Looks like John is alone in the space he’s in, while the rest of the Wonderkids are in their own little pockets of nothingness not too far away. Inside this juju they can’t feel time or space, which is...good? Means they’re not going to die, at least. Dave and Jade are powerless. Can Rose use her seer powers?

ROSE: What did my future self say it was we had to do?

JOHN: erm... she never rea—

DAVE: WHAT?

JOHN: she—

DAVE: I CANT HEAR YOU

JOHN: UM, SHE NEVER REALLY TOLD US WHAT WE HAD TO DO, EXACTLY?

JOHN: JUST WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, IN A REALLY LOOSE SORT OF FASHION?

ROSE: DOES THAT MEAN WE’RE STU—

What does it say of me I thought she was going to say ‘stupid’. For charging ahead without getting as many details as possible of what future Rose said, I guess. Maybe it’d have been less of a shock when this happened.

Apparently what future Rose foresaw is that they would be trapped in the juju and then freed in the future. Sounds about right, I think that was implied to happen in Act 7. So it’s only matter of time before they’re freed, although, knowing who wrote this, I wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the fight against Lord English is just shunted aside with a vague description of how it went. Hah!

From what John can imagine, the battle outside is going just like the claymation theater had predicted. By now Caliborn must be getting shoved into the puppet and thrown into the fabric of the multiverse, to doom everyone. You know, now that I think about it, how are the New Wonderkids going to leave wherever they are right now? Without John they’re kind of stuck. Whooops.

It doesn’t sound like Terezi is in the new world. Either she isn’t or she completely cut contact from the rest, because John misses her. I figure he’d at least know what she’s up to, if she were around. Hm.

She wouldn’t have let you neglect relationships with certain friends for so long that you missed whole chapters of their lives. She wouldn’t have put up with you moping around with the salamanders for so long. She would have kicked your ass for being such a loser about everything. She would have poked you in the forehead and called you insufferably lame and told you to pick up the damn phone. You would have called her a weirdo and pretended you hated it, and maybe you would even have believed you hated it. But now, sitting here in this little white cubicle, contemplating your regrets, you don’t think you’d have hated it much at all.

Definitely sounds like she isn’t around. I can’t remember what happened with her in Homestuck...maybe something in these epilogues will answer that?

Also, it’s possible John is depressed. It’s not impossible, really! It’d be surprising if after the events of Sburb and its very traumatic qualities they’re not affected in some manner. Some seemed to be better-adjusted, somehow, but it’s not out of the question others have been affected negatively. Maybe John is depressed. Nothing to do in this juju than tell the rest about that, I suppose.

It’s strategy meeting time right there at Karkaroni’s hive. Dave is in charge of everything, outlining their strategy and what the consequences of Jane’s reign of terror will be. Most of it goes over my head, I admit, thanks to Dave’s verbose way of talking, and Karkaroni and Jade don’t seem to be faring much better.

DAVE: are you two even listening or are you just making noises with your mouths

KARKAT: HOW DARE YOU.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING ACCUSED BY DAVE STRIDER, REIGNING EMPEROR OF SPEWING ENDLESS VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MY INNOCENT HEAR DUCTS EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE, OF MAKING THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOISES.

KARKAT: JADE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS?

JADE: im scandalized

JADE: especially when

JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths.....

...

...did I mention already I have heard so much dissatisfaction about the epilogues? I didn’t get many details back then, but I definitely am realizing why I heard those opinions all the time. What’s wrong with you, Jade. Nobody else knows how to react, so Dave just continues his strategy meeting.

From what I can gather here, Dave’s opinion is that Jane will capitalize on the very violent and very disturbing features of troll life back in Alternia, and boy is there plenty of that. The average person would be incredibly fearful of a repeat of any of that, especially if the Condesce is brought up. Really, in terms of humans, I’m preeeeetty sure Jane has their vote, no contest. Can’t say I wouldn’t vote for her if I was told about the brutality of troll life and the effects it’d have on us. It’s all about how it’s presented, and Jane would definitely present it at its most raw.

Jade gives an overview of the consequences of the Jane presidency in a manner that stuns our dear underdogs here, and also dog hormones are mentioned. Are you telling me that in the fusion Jade was somehow implanted with her dog’s endocrine system? Was that a thing? Because if she wasn’t then this doesn’t make sense at all, unless somehow her dog ears and tail are secreting hormones. It’s illogical. Not that Jade being fused with her supernatural omnipotent dogsprite is incredibly logical.

You know, when I started reading the epilogues I didn’t really expect to be reading about Jade’s polyamorous urges. I don’t want to read about Jade’s polyamorous urges. Let me just...skip this until the topic changes.

I can’t believe that took the rest of the page, and that’s not a joke-y ‘I can’t believe’. Well then. Next.

Oh, great, it’s Vriska. You know, I like Vriska enough, buuuuut her influence in the narration was never really something I liked of her. Guess I’ll have to endure that, then. The narration starts with reminding she still has quite the hero delusions. Peachy! Off to kind of a bad start. Still, what’s important is that she’s facing Lord English and she has just deployed the juju that’s hosting the Wonderkids, so this really is picking up from Act 7. I didn’t think this would be happening yet here we are. Nice!

Now that the juju has been deployed, the majority of those present – Meenah, Tavros and a myriad of unnamed ghosts – should be retreating, but Vriska wants to see how Lord English destroys reality, which he does with just a roar, sending literal pieces of reality crashing down and bonking Vriska on the head. Above her, a black hole is forming, consuming reality itself. It’s so strong that, without Tavros to anchor her, she’s lifted off the ground and sucked towards it. She’s unable to hold onto the juju or onto anything, and disappears into the black hole.

Well that was quite the random aside, but that’s how Homestuck is.

John and the rest emerge from the juju, just in time to see the huge and realize things are falling apart. There’s nothing about Lord English being nearby, so maybe he was absorbed into the black hole as well? Not much time to wonder about that, because reality unravels.

In Jane’s office reality isn’t unraveling, though, what’s unraveling is her patience, because Jake doesn’t figure out entering through the door is what anyone would do, instead of entering through the window from what’s likely not a ground floor office. Once he enters like any person without powers would do, Jane receives him.

And intimate knowledge of his hoarding habits—particularly the type of sultry, cerulean content he is known to hoard—is exactly why Jane is wearing a blue dress with a very high hem. Jake’s bow tie practically spins at the sight of it.

Thaaaaat’s also manipulative. Clever and it most likely will work, but it’s manipulative. I’m still having a hard time trying to associate this with Jane, honestly.

Well she tries to seduce him, which, knowing how hard of a time she was having enduring her romantic trouble in Homestuck, is darkly hilarious, especially when it fails completely because she’s not good at this. All Jake can do is spit bourbon at her. After that little stunt she’ll need to have incredible patience not to kick him out immediately, but the political capital must be really worth it.

Although she’s clearly very frustrated, she still plows ahead and starts talking about the economy, trying to get Jake up to date with the intricacies of what’s going on. He doesn’t know anything at all, so she has to explain to him everything. She still seems to be kind of aiming to seducing Jake, though. Sigh.

Who are they now? The same Jake and Jane who passed like particularly dysfunctional ships in the night a decade ago? Or is Jane wiser, and Jake kinder? Are they better versions of themselves?

Well it sure wasn’t the other way, Jane sure didn’t get kinder and Jake wiser. That much was very clear just from this update.

I’m not entirely sure if her reminiscing about how they may be all drifting apart and how the trajectory all of their lives have taken is fake – part of me believes it may be sincere, after all – but what I’m sure of is that she doesn’t miss Jake. She makes sure to say she does, though! And he reciprocates. This leads to a lot of kissing. This sure escalated fast! And on Jane’s favor, dare I say. It was a complete accident, but it’s going pretty close to what she had intended.

Or not, because through all this Jake keeps thinking of Dirk and his abysmally romantic attributes. Boy, if Jane heard about this she’d be even more frustrated. But yeah, pretty clear Jake hasn’t gotten over Dirk no matter what. Seems to me like he’s doomed to think of Dirk for quite a while. He realizes that in a flash of inspiration and yelps in panic, deciding to scram and ending Jane’s underhanded romantic overtures. That went pretty badly!

JANE: What the...

JANE: Everliving fuck!

It really is for the better she’s not aware what was going through Jake’s mind, hah! She even calls Dirk to talk about what happened. He’s not understanding, he simply states you can’t be nice to Jake if you want him to be interested in you, and pretty much tells Jane to stay on her line and stop trying to play romance with Jake because that’s his turf. Paraphrasing. This is starting to seem more and more like Jake won’t throw his hat in their ring, in my opinion.

She’s also looking emotional support, and she’s not getting it from Dirk because she has other things to deal with, more important than the election of president of the entire planet. Rose is here, and given how they have a mutual problem, they have to talk about it. But that’s for next time!

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

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stellar-aide · 5 years

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> Kanaya: Discuss, once more.

#wwayfinder #chatlogs

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abundantchewtoys · 5 years

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HS Epi Meat, p5 reaction

Meat Page 5.

We might be due another perspective switch - unless the plot stays with John until he's assembled all his friends.

When John goes to pick up Rose, it’ll probably be on LOLAR. Terezi might still be there, if she hasn’t gone clownhunting just yet.

If so, perhaps we’ll get to see whether Rose ‘n Terezi’s migraine was really due to the substance abuse + caleidoscopic colours of LOLAR + glitches… Or whether it was due to the GO timeline “supposed to” have gone differently, with John’s current retcon being the thing missing to happen. It takes a bit of effort, remembering what everyone was exactly up to on this part of the GO timeline and what would be a fortunate time for John to take it off the rails. For Kanaya, that might very well be the moment Jane set up her literal shop on LOFAF, selling her all those blood potions, for instance.

For Dirk, it might be before his conversation with Arquiusprite.

I'm getting the feeling that John might be jumping to exactly those moments in the scenes where the characters were at their lowest, self-esteem wise. Giving them a literal second breath. ;)

Not sure what we can expect from the ghost side of things though. I think they might not be duplicated, leading us to meet up with (Vriska) as we knew her, punk cut and all. Even though GO Terezi's ghost will be there with her too.

I'm half convinced Calliope will get copied somehow, but not entirely sure. The only 'real' duplicate Calliope had already, besides Alt Calliope, was her dreamself. He could snatch the body, but I was under the impression Caliborn consumed it in a literal sense to establish his dominance over the body.

Meanwhile, it occurred to me to that Andrew Hussie (the author avator) will make a comeback, probably a background cameo. I've only now realized that he's a literal ghost writer of his own story right now, in-canon. While outside of canon, he’s more becoming like Stan Lee, executive producing stories using characters he designed.

Anyway, let's start this up.

---

"The stands of the Cantown Memorial Arena" Okay, my first thought was this takes place on the meteor, but yeah, it's a building named presumably after the literal Cantown WV build in his station, back on Earth. Or the Exile Town that Bec Noir massacred. Though, does this indicate a perspective switch back to Roxy... Or is the CMA where Rumble in the Pumpkin Patch is recorded? Probably the latter, meaning the perspective is switching back to Dave! Uh, the alpha version, I guess I should call him? Post-canon, adult Dave?

"His shit eating was so brutal that no one, except maybe Jake, cares that he’s taking a phone call in the middle of a live broadcast." So, was it staged, or did Jake really get a power boost, coming into his role as the Page?

Also, I feel like if Karkat's run for president gets announced by Dave on live television, "and the crowd goes wild" will apply here.

"Dave takes a seat on the couch, right in Karkat’s butt groove." Okay, so he's not going just yet. ... Karkat's butt groove is available because the latter absconded the fuck out last we saw him, hahah.

"a piece of absolute garbage." Callback secured.

"DAVE: while the beatdown you just received was as thorough as it was humiliating im afraid as usual the solution to this problem should probably not involve your decapitation" While Dirk might be the one to keep this beaten dead horse of an in-joke going, Dave isn't going to be the one to cut its head off and end its misery. :P

"DAVE: jake just kicked your ass DAVE: thats really all there is to say on the matter" AWWWWW yessss, hahahahah. Dirk's laid down, on the ground, on his smartphone, just like Dave was after his beatdown by Bro. Awesome callback.

"DAVE: its really amazing how this meme we have going here continues to be exactly as funny as the day it was established DIRK: Isn’t it always though? DAVE: yeah" That's Strider Irony at its finest for you. You never can be entirely sure non-sincerity is what's taking place here.

" DAVE: how DID you get your ass kicked so bad DAVE: jake sucks and his raps are fucking awful" Oh, scratch that thing about his power level, then. ... The rapbots didn't join in to beat Dirk down, did they? ... Though I would like to see either them or their zilly versions again. :P

On the TV, Dirk makes an elegant hand sign that once might have represented solidarity with some ancient coastal rap group but now has been utterly divorced from its cultural context here on Earth C." Is it a sign associated with... the ICP? Yes, I guess whatever 'references' the kids make get picked up as divine decree...

"The camera pans away from him and over the crowd. It zooms in on a young crocodile wearing an oversized T-shirt with Jake’s highly marketable ass plastered over it and the phrase “Tally ho” written in big bubble letters." ... including stuff that was already dated when the gods were still actual kids. (By which I mean the phrase, not Jake's marketable ass.)

"DIRK: Holding back a little to achieve certain results doesn’t necessarily mean you’re participating in a farce or rigging the event. DIRK: We do this all the time. We hold back our thoughts, our true feelings, our full potential. We disguise how much we know about what and when, for many purposes. To ease relations, to let others behave naturally and make up their minds without undue intervention. To wait for the right moments to show our hands, to pick our battles. " Dirk is still overthinking things. :P He's also still a schemer, even though he's grown more mature. I think in this case, he might be trying to keep up Jake's taste for adventure and hone his skills? That might be related to the fact that he's one of the few in the know of what John is up to (also a thing he's withholding right now), and he might be trying to get Jake battle-ready in case he needs to be. ... In case he doesn't believe they'll stay irrelevant to the plot.

"DAVE: my dog you are full of some SHIT today arent you DIRK: Absolutely." It's a good thing Dave can see Dirk typing, otherwise I might have asked whether Dirk may have reinstated an autoresponder to answer when he's busy. :P

"DIRK: And when it comes to theater, there are just as many reasons for restraint. To build tension. To set the stage. To give the people someone to root against." Okay, that's actually kind of meta. Also, in-story, it might mean Dirk is deliberately trying to come off as weaker, to get people to boo at Jake so he can play hero?

"DAVE: i can see you on tv DAVE: theyre booing you dude" Okay, never mind.

"The excitable salamander manning the camera switches to a fish-eye lens for some unfathomable reason, giving the whole exchange an air of demented absurdity. Dirk’s sunglasses distort and stretch to dominate the entire screen." I'm all here for NPC races doing menial labor half-way competently. :P Also, I feel like there should be some sort of visual callback to that image of Dirk's sunglasses. Something to do with the black hole from Problem Sleuth expanding to suck the entire universe up, which was reflected in the Stiller shades, and the event in itself is being called back to now, in the Black Hole sucking up the Furthest Ring!

"JAKE: What about the agitated rabble? Theyre starting to throw things. DIRK: I don’t know. Do a dance or something. Sing a song. DIRK: They love anything you do. JAKE: Ummm. JAKE: Ok sounds stupid but ill try." Using Jake's charisma as crowd control? Dirk, you beautiful mastermind.

"Jake tips an imaginary hat toward center stage and begins doing the Charleston." Hah, right, this might be a callback to that other Page dancing old-time dances, hahah, Tavros after he assembled the ghost army.

"Just as Dirk predicted, the crowd immediately loses its shit, except for a single carapacian in the front row, who continues to glower at Dirk with an expression of absolute and total contempt." If Jack hadn't remained in the session, I would've designated this guy as his great-whatever-grandchild.

"DAVE: why do you want people to hate you so much DAVE: its fucked up DIRK: You’re reading way too much into it." I don't necessarily believe that.

"DIRK: If I wanted another round of embarrassingly indulgent and mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I would have called my daughter instead. DAVE: hm DAVE: do i need to point out how fucking weird what you just said was or can that start going without saying at this point" This. This is Homestuck. This entire exchange.

" DIRK: The point is, playing myself up as a villain figure in this hacky rap pageant has nothing to do with getting people to dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good villain. When they boo, they don’t really mean it." That has me thinking of Thog, a villain from Order of the Stick, actually. But yeah, Caliborn, Condy and others were really good villains. Doesn't mean we didn't mean it when we cursed them, though.

"DIRK: I think you’d be surprised by how popular I actually am. DAVE: i dunno man" At some point, playing the villain stops being a role, if you're too thorough in antagonizing the crowd. Dirk may have gone overboard here - in his role in the pageant I mean, I don't think anyone loves their god any less. Just one more way to show that, victory state or not, their original issues still come into play and challenge them to grow.

"DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma. DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital. DAVE: political capital" ... Oooooh! Thinking three steps ahead of everyone again, nice going Dirk! I think Dirk might even have foreseen Dave rallying Karkat to stand against Jane, but I wonder which side he'll be choosing!

" DAVE: what the fuck are... DAVE: ok how long have you known about the jane thing DAVE: i mean is this something you have been planning for like DAVE: a long time or DIRK: Planning is such an intense word." Oh, he's trying to pull the strings again, is he? What game is he playing then, what policies does he want to instate, if any? ... Is Dirk a supposed xenophone too, or just playing to the tune of the largest group of swing voters?

" DAVE: jane is a shitty candidate dude DAVE: shes going to be so shitty DIRK: I thought you’d feel that way." ... Pfff I just realized Dirk wasn't typing, since this was a phone call. He's saying this all out loud! Typing's the old way of conversation, we discarded it for the most part, everyone has their Gift of Gab now. Well, hopefully at least Dave's part isn't being recorded and broadcast.

"DIRK: I respectfully disagree. DAVE: i get shes a good friend of yours and all but even you have to admit how far up her own ass she is DIRK: Of course. I consider it to be among her best qualifications for the job." Dirk might just be thinking: a self-absorbed candidate won't notice being pulled around. Even though she's, you know, his dear friend and all, he's still planning on manipulating her. :/ Old habits and such.

"DAVE: christ DAVE: ok if nothing else have you at least taken into account the DEVASTATION to the economy this will cause???" Strider Irony(tm).

"DIRK: Dave, I think if you search your soul, you’ll come to the same conclusion I have. Jane is just what this planet needs. DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition. DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place." Oh, cool, so Dirk was acting on the same things Dave noticed, just having drawn different conclusions. Guess there's more to playing god as a winner of Sburb than sitting on your butt all day long, huh?

"DAVE: i know that DAVE: which is why actually i think it would be cool to have a president that is good instead of bad DIRK: He’s not as great as you think. DAVE: what" See, I know Dirk'll say Karkat, but I kind of wish he'd say Obama. :P

"DAVE: who DAVE: obama?? DAVE: how dare you" XD PFFFFFffffhah, okay, should've seen that coming.

"DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly." Like, I understand where Dirk's coming from, we know how unbalanced Karkat is at his worst. But Dirk's seems to be the conservatist route, while the current status quo is so unbalanced someone with at least a little liberal thinking should try changing policy, little by little. ... Okay now Homestuck has me doing political discourse. Hussieeeeeeee! ... Why am I now picturing a Homestuck AU about the climate change truant student marches of Europe?

"DAVE: wait DAVE: how do you even know hes entering the race DAVE: we like just decided this DIRK: A competent political operative has his ways. DIRK: Besides, it was always pretty obvious to me you’d react this way the moment the announcement was made." Okay, not ruling out entirely Dirk has something spying on Dave, but that would verge too much on what Bro would've done in his place. He probably just cold-mindedly assessed his potential response.

"DAVE: cause if youve already got jake on your side then i guess we might as well just fucking quit DIRK: I wouldn’t worry about that. DIRK: He and I don’t quite have the rapport we once did. DIRK: He’s “over me” and doesn’t spare opportunities to make ostentatious demonstration of this claim. DAVE: um DIRK: Basically he doesn’t like being told what to do. Especially not by me." Cool, okay, so... Jake is needy in his own way, in showing he can fend for himself, at least that's how Dirk sees it. Guess they still hang out a lot though, just no longer "like that". That must be a letdown for the shippers, but a boon for the people that felt betrayed at seeing Dirk & Jake back together in the Credits. I like that middle road, actually! And hey, the versions of Jake & Dirk in the New Game Plus timeline, or whatever we should call it, are still fair game!

"DIRK: So it’s fair to say as of now, he’s still fully in play. DIRK: Not that I should be encouraging you, really. DAVE: you are one doubletalking son of a bitch you know that DAVE: i cant tell if you dont want us to run or are reverse psychology mindfucking us into running" Very true, that. Why would he share the truth about Jake if he wants to win, unless he wants fair competition? Best not to dwell on it too long on this neverending stairway of hidden intentions, lest we fall down it.

" DAVE: not like i can just stand around and wait for president crocker to like DAVE: write fucking grammar laws into the constitution" Pfffff, yes, I had forgotten about Jane's grammar practices, hahah. Guess she has a good running mate in Dirk for that, at least, capitalization and everything in order when he's not rapping.

"DIRK: Sorry to cut this short, but diapers are starting to come down pretty hard right now, and some of them haven’t even had their babies removed. DAVE: what" what. I hope it's at least consort babies, they're arguably the most resilient, as semi-sapient animals.

"DIRK: That was a joke." Ah.

"Jake can’t help but watch the motion, raking his eyes over the muscles shifting beneath the skin of Dirk’s neck and arms.

There is something implacably magnificent about Dirk Strider, Jake thinks, untamed like a wild game beast of incredible size and strength." ... Well then! I didn't think the narration would offer us this view from the perspective of Jake, thought it would be reseverd for John! Not entirely sure how I feel about the privilege of seeing Jake pine for Dirk, though. :P At least it clarifies where the allure is in it, for him. It's an extension of his taste for adventure and his upbringing on an island full of terribly powerful beasts.

"Of course, their history together is never far from Jake’s mind, however many years it’s been since their last tussle of an amorous nature. The old dramas and triumphs in the days of Sburb. Dirk’s companionship has been taxing to the heart, to say the least, and yet he’s taught Jake so much—about combat, philosophy, life, love." Okay, that is just such a Jake thing to phrase it like this. I'm glad we get to see he's not so oblivious or un-elloquent in his mind as he presents himself to the outside world, consciously or not.

"But sometimes, despite their checkered and problematic past, Jakes wishes that he could seize Dirk by the proverbial horns and wrest him bodily into becoming a much more agreeable fellow." Heheh, so Jake actually would like to impose on Dirk some manners. At least with him it stays with desires, while Dirk really did try to impose on Jake when they were together.

"DIRK: How about you kick off the next round? DIRK: I bet this crowd will settle its shit right down the moment you drop the latest rhymes you’ve been tinkering with." This is going to be painful to read, isn't it? ... If we're going to read them at all. ... I swear, this might just lead into them having "the xest rapoff in the history of Earth C".

"Jake’s face lights up. He composes himself, adjusting a bow tie, although he is not wearing one, and making a vague gesture like he’s twirling one end of that mustache Dirk has not yet let him grow. Dirk lets him go with a gentle smile, like the sort you’d give to a dog for performing a trick adequately. Jake responds to the signal like an Olympic athlete hearing the starter pistol. He was born for this." All the best and worst aspects of Dirk & Jake as a couple are basically summarized here. I mean, Dirk is not even WITH Jake and vetoes some of his choices. Then again, Jake really does have TERRIBLE (but hilarious) taste in mannerisms.

"JAKE: Tally ho its me, jake mcgee! JAKE: Popping my pistols off, two shots and a kiss JAKE: My aim is tops, i never miss" ... I'm not disappointed, this really IS almost physically painful to read, as expected.

... Okay that was actually a very amazing rap. Well thought out, good use of the vocabulary, dated though it is. I liked "jake-eng's" and "jape-slings" in particular, especially since that was what Vriska dismissed him as, a joke, a jape.

"The crowd, as Dirk rightly predicted, has settled its shit right down. This is not due to any accidental brilliance on the part of Jake English, but rather due to an abashed but loyal brand of pity, the kind a devoted fan cannot help but feel when they see a beloved celebrity make an ass out of themselves during a live broadcast they have waited two and a half years in line to buy a ticket for." I think this might be Dirk's POV. Not everyone's tastes in rap are as dignified as his, after all. :P Consorts in particular might love this. Then again, we saw John embarass carapacians not too long ago, they're not immune to pitying people. But hey, on the brightside, maybe some of the audience <>'s Jake now. :P

"Dirk’s phone begins going off again." Unless it's something more ominous, this is probably Dave having the last quip.

"With a casual flick of his wrist, Dirk snaps out a bright red tranquilizer handgun and shoots Jake in the neck. Jake’s glasses crack when he hits the mat. A chorus of boos rises up from the crowd like groundwater. Dirk artfully dodges a bucket of obscene troll fluid to field yet another very important personal call." ... Did Dirk actually use a Crockertech tranquilizer on his co-god? What the hell, Dirk? Guess all is fair in the ring.

And I suppose it's not Dave then that is calling him this time, if he takes such drastic measures.

"DIRK: Yo Rose, what's up?" Oooh, if we get to see this, that would be early we get to see Rose again! Dirk and Rose'll probably be planning their next move now that John has left. (Which I take Rose to already know about, through her Seer powers, or a call with Roxy.) ... Maybe some of their plans only could have worked IF John left, if they wanted to regain some measure of relevance through them.

#homestuck #upd8 #reaction #spoiler alert #dirk strider #dave strider #jake english

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thewebcomicsreview · 5 years

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Homestuck 2 has updated. It’s a Christmas Miracle! As always, this liveblog is tagged “Homestuck 2 Liveblog” is you want to filter it out. Today, we’re still in Candlyland, and it’s time to meet the Vriskas!

For those who blocked out the epilogues, the one in the stripes is Vriska Maryam-Lalonde, who was adopted by Rose and Kanaya, and the shadowed Vriska is Vriska Serket, the post-retcon version who went to defeat Lord English. She definitely just fucked and killed Gamzee, despite the fact that she is 16 and he is middle-aged. Since having two characters named “Vriska” is confusing, Vriska Serket is getting referred to as (Vriska), in parenthesis, but just to make sure we don’t get any less confused, the pre-retcon Vriska Serket was also called (Vriska) and is presumably out in space somewhere with pre-Retcon Terezi since those two were last seen cuddling in the Furthest Ring watching the universe collapse from a safe distance in what is arguably the “end” of Homestuck’s alpha timeline, but could very plausibly also have gotten sucked into the Black Hole and landed on Candyland Earth.

Okay, everyone understand what’s going on? No? Fuck you, it’s Homestuck.

Minutes in the past, but not many, (Vriska) pockets John’s phone before she can worry too much about waiting for a reply from Terezi.

Oh, right, Vriska has John’s phone and thus can communicate with the alive Terezi on Dirk’s ship, the one remaining connection between Candyland and Meatspace.

Oh man, if Homestuck was still popular you’d see this cosplay at anime conventions a lot, wouldn’t you?

VRISKA: That’s the Right Call. VRISKA: So, Nickname me, 8itch. And make it Cute.

Okay, disregard my entire opening Paragraph. Vriska Serket is now back to being Vriska with no parenthesis, and Vriska Maryan-Lalonde is now nicknamed “Vrissy” so that everyone gets a unique-ish name. Hooray, we’re all caught up. Also there’s like an 80% chance these two are going to get together at some point. Also also, what’s up with Vriska’s eyepatch?

She didn’t have that in Act 7, and she didn’t get it in the epilogues, I just checked, and there’s no space in-between Act 7 and the epilogues or the epilogues or now for her to have gotten it off-screen. These panels are going out of their way to hide her eyes, but since the epilogues explicitly confirmed she has normal eyes (and thus is still alive), I don’t know what they’re hiding.

VRISSY: Yeah, but Vrissy is a Thing now. Roll with it. TAVROS: Okay, uh,, Vrissy, VRISSY: We kinda Need a Ride

Speaking of mysteries, why does Tavros Crocker have a troll typing quirk if he’s the son of two humans, and thus presumably a human himself, with no relation whatsoever to the original Tavros? I can’t help but notice Tavros is typing in Gamzee purple instead of Tavros’s original bronze color, so I have a terrifying feeling that Tavros is going to be the biological son of Jane and Gamzee somehow and the epilogues just danced around that. Maybe I’m being too pessimistic.

Oh thank Christ. Also there is absolutely nothing interesting on Vriska’s face, so I’m not sure why there were hiding it. Maybe they figured some people would forget Vriska’s alive and wanted to milk a little drama from the casual readers? I dunno. Maybe I’m over-thinking this as well as pessimistic. Still wondering where that eyepatch came from, though.

Aww, he’s cute. I like his snazzy suit jacket. Also: This is the first named character in the entirety of Homestuck to have come out of a vagina like a normal person instead of being a an ecto-clone.

I don’t think white pants are a great idea in an artstyle where the humans aren’t colored in, though. He looks like he’s Donald Ducking it.

There’s a Pulp Fiction joke to be made here but I’m not gonna say it

This is very obviously Harry Anderson Egbert. He is a bit less cute. It is very weird to see unimportant background humans in Homestuck. None of the kids in the original comic ever interacted with another human, or mourned the deaths of a single person when the earth was destroyed. Which, conservation of detail and all that, but it still makes it weird to see just Bob Fedorafreak or whoever walking by.

HARRY ANDERSON: yo. VRISSY: Hey HARRY ANDERSON: hey babe, what’s up?

Hm, Harry Anderson (Never just Harry?) refers to Vriska as “babe”, which is rather friendly (Edit from the future: Harry and Vrissy are dating, Vrissy and Tavros are kismesis). Gives me the vibe of like a Hollywood agent, and I suppose his always being “Harry Anderson” backs that up.

I do like this character, or what little we’ve seen of him so far in literally two pages. As the child of the two main families, he’s got the Strilonde “Must be cool at all times” thing mixed in with the Harleybert “Kind of heart, dumb of ass” thing. I also can’t help but notice that Homestuck 2 has almost immediately set up a team of four teenagers, two boys and two girls, two humans and two trolls. If John/Jade/Rose/Dave are the Beta Kids, and Jane/Jake/Roxy/Dirk are the alpha kids, these are, what, the pre-release kids? The Delta Kids? I like the Delta Kids.

VRISKA: You said this was a schoolhive, yeah? VRISKA: We can just dump it in the inciner8or. That’s pro8a8ly what his plan was to 8egin with. VRISSY: The what???????? VRISKA: The inciner8or. Like, for 8odies?? VRISSY: At SCHOOL???????? VRISKA: Yes?

Okay,this got a laugh out of me. A big complaint of Homestuck was that we never got the original four kids all in a room interacting with each other, and now we have a new quartet and they’re immediately in a car together. I’m digging this dynamic of them all being wildly incompetent but in different ways, and if Homestuck 2 is going to have a lot of this kind of thing I’m down for it.

Vriska and Tavros have, through some tortured logic and misunderstanding, decided that the best way to hide Gamzee’s corpse is to carry it into school with them to meet Harry Anderson because they think he has a plan and don’t know he thinks they were joking and has no plan at all. This is legitimately great. Look how confident Vriska is! She thinks this is an amazing plan! And why wouldn’t she? She’s the Thief of Light and she literally has Superpowers that make her super-lucky.

This is, and I say this in complete sincerity, the most fun Homestuck’s been in years.

I’m fucking sold on this comic. This is exactly what Homestuck needed.

It’s a Christmas miracle, everyone. Homestuck is good again. (At least for now)

#Homestuck #Homestuck 2 #Homestuck 2 Liveblog

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birriabirria · 3 years

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acubens teas

…karkat running a tea house sounds nice. i think… kanaya, nepeta, equius, rose, roxy and dirk work there. tavros, gamzee, aradia, jade, feferi, eridan and dave hang around there while sollux and terezi study there also. the contrast between how loud karkat is and the quiet tea house is good. karkat actually does lower his voice and uses normal volume when he works hahahaha the tea house would small i think? two or three floors with a spiral staircase and shelves of books. it has different kinds and styles of teapots, cups, spoons and saucers and oooh! the tea house sells pastries too!

maybe jane and john work there too? oh! maybe meenah works in karkat’s tea house as the pastry chef?

polaris: Sollux takes his tea with more honey than tea - Karkat thinks it’s blasphemy. karkat glowers at sollux and sollux looks him in the eyes and spoons more honey in his tea! and karkat wouldn’t admit it but he puts another tiny honey pot on sollux’s table when sollux runs out and karkat has bought different kinds of honey polaris: Oh imagine! All the tables and all the chairs are differents - there’s not the same one twice. And all the teacups and cups and saucers aren’t the same it would be NICE it feels like a wonderland theme :D imagine, like, a forest painted on the walls. Cool. oh that sounds lovely! everything is mismatched but sometimes it even looks ugly and messy but the customers still have a nice time! and hm… the first floor has a forest painted on the wall and on the second floor, there’s the top of the trees and on the third floor, the sky! and… there’s fairy lights strung across the ceiling? the tea house is small and nice and cozy :) polaris: The tea shop looks like a fairytale forest right in the middle of a modern alley. It’s weird. But very nice :) also consider : the fairy lights strung across the ceiling form constellations? yeah :) and ooooh that’s a great idea! hm… the lights are on hooks so the fairy lights form constellations polaris: Omg Meenah as the pastry chef is NICE. Also, imagine if they have, like, uniforms in the tea shop?? Something practical but a bit weird, cause the teashop seems kinda fairytale-themed. Maybe their god tier suits?? But like fancytier? Nepeta with her rogue of Heart outfit would be awesome in a tea shop u.u that’s an amazing idea! and i bet kanaya is the one that sewed them! so so tea house uniform are fancy god tier, they probably don’t have the hood or the capes? since they’re too long and might get stuck on something. or maybe the capes or hoods are shorter? like half their length. meenah doesn’t wear the fancy god tier uniform because she just wears the chef uniform and karkat… i think he would wear the fancy uniform! even if he doesn’t want to hahahaha polaris: I think that the ones with czprs would still have capes, cause they’re cool, but yeah shorter. Wouldn’t do to trip on it after all (wait a minute - Vriska tried to get a job here cause the uniforms are so fucking cool and she can’t convince Kanaya to make her one!! So if she gets a job in that tea shop she would have her own God tier!! Flawless plan >::::D except Karkat knows Vriska and refuses. Task failed) hm… i think karkat would hire vriska. as long as vriska promises to listen and don’t do anything stupid, reckless or illegal *in* the tea house!!!! if karkat gets even a single whiff of vriska doing any of that, she is *fired*. everyone who works at the tea house is one their best behavior basically! gotta get name for karkat’s tea house… acubens teas? also… the logo of the tea house is crabdad and its on double doors, stamped on the tea packages and napkins and on the neckties of the uniform! oh! crabdad actually coming to visit and even working in the tea house too! crabdad is the manager and if you disobey him, he and karkat would be angry. crabdad walking around in the small shopping district handing out flyers… if anyone is angry or mean to karkat, crabdad will be very angry!!! crabdad wearing the tea house necktie and it has his likeness on it!!! :) polaris: People think that Crabdad is a sort of bodyguard, but no, he’s just Karkat’s dad. hahaha yeah! crabdad is just doing dad things. like being worried for his wiggler!

#my aus #acubens teas

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