#hollywood died is one of those songs i’ll never get tired of

[pussy-ache]

lights and sounds is still the best yellowcard album tbh

[tcm]

Paul Henreid: Actor, Director, Father By Susan King

Who was the most romantic actor during the Golden Age of Hollywood? For me, it was Paul Henreid. He was tall-6’3”-handsome, with a gorgeous Austrian accent and a nobility and intelligence that could sweep women off their feet. Like that iconic scene in NOW, VOYAGER (‘42) where he lights two cigarettes at once giving one to Bette Davis; or when he utters the words “if I were free, there would be only one thing I’d want to do – prove you’re not immune to happiness. Would you want me to prove it, Charlotte? Tell me you would. Then I’ll go. Why, darling, you are crying.”

And this exchange with Rick (Humphrey Bogart) in his most famous role as the noble resistance leader Victor Laszlo in the Oscar-winning classic CASABLANCA (‘42):

Rick: “Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for.”

Victor: “You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die.”

But Henreid was so much more than those two roles. He was dashing and sexy as a pirate in the 1945 Technicolor swashbuckling adventure THE SPANISH MAIN, he gave a complex and haunting performance as the mentally troubled composer Robert Schumann in SONG OF LOVE (‘47) and proved he could be a wonderfully vile film noir bad guy in HOLLOW TRIUMPH (‘48).

He also survived the blacklist, directed numerous episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, as well as the delicious thriller DEAD RINGER (‘64) with Davis. Even before he came to Hollywood, Henreid made his U.S film debut in the terrific romantic war drama JOAN OF PARIS (‘42); he had been a star on the Vienna stage as a member of the legendary Max Reinhardt’s theater company and also appeared in films. He was offered a movie contract with UFA in Berlin with the caveat that he join the National Socialist Actors Guild of Germany. Henreid turned down the offer.

Henreid went to England where he earned good reviews on the London stage as Prince Albert in 1937 in Victoria Regina. Though he played a sympathetic German in GOODBYE, MR. CHIPS (‘39), he was typecast generally in Nazi roles such as in Carol Reed’s classic NIGHT TRAIN TO MUNICH (‘40). He even played an odious German consul in his first Broadway show Elmer Rice’s Flight to the West in 1940. Then came Hollywood. And a name change from Von Hernreid to Henreid.

He was 84 when he died in 1992.

I recently chatted via e-mail with his daughter Monika Henreid, an actress/writer/director who is currently working on a documentary about her father.

You always talk so lovingly about your father on social media. What was he like as a husband, father and friend?

My parents were in love…really in love. They were best friends, confidants, colleagues for almost 60 years. So, my guess is, he was a wonderful husband!

He was a hands-on father. He invested time and money to make sure I had all the arts, sports and education a growing girl needs. He always asked how the day went, what I did, what did I enjoy, what did I learn. He was willing to help with or review homework. When my mother didn’t want to attend events, meaning premieres or films, ballets, operas, concerts, etc., I was fortunate enough to be his date.

As a friend to others, he was devoted. Friendship meant a lot to him. It wasn’t always easy to separate real friends from the ‘Hollywood’ type friends. But once he knew, through trial and error and behavior, he was a great person to have as a friend.

Was it difficult, albeit, dangerous for your parents to leave Austria for England?

My father had a successful stage career in Vienna and, because of his reputation, had the opportunity to do a play in London. After that play, he returned to the Viennese stage and some film. When it was time to really leave because of the political situation, he had another offer in London. That allowed for a good structure, but they were scared for the families on both sides. Eventually, most of my mother’s family moved from Austria, but my father’s stayed. My mother did have numerous interactions with the Gestapo, but she was smart and charming and always released without incident.

How was your father discovered by Hollywood? When NIGHT TRAIN TO MUNICH was released in New York City, my father was appearing in the Elmer Rice play Flight to the West on Broadway. Simultaneous double whammy. He was very visible and got a lot of press. Good press! He said a lot of scouts and agents came around, but Lew Wasserman made the move to Hollywood possible. Lew became my father’s agent and later, my godfather. 

He made so many classic films in 1942, what was that like for him to become a Hollywood star so quickly? He had already achieved ‘stardom’ in Austria and England, so I don’t think it was that difficult. He never talked about it at home. I think it was more the Hollywood lifestyle and the American way culturally that was jolting. Did he enjoy being under contract to Warner Bros.? He was happy to be working and felt secure with the studio system contract, but he wanted some control over his projects. He was always interested in more challenging character parts, so was quickly tired of being pigeonholed as the handsome, romantic leading man. He took SPANISH MAIN to Jack Warner who turned it down. So, he went back to his first Hollywood studio RKO, where it was made. He was suspended a number of times [at Warner Bros.] because he refused to do ‘crap’ scripts and soon learned he really preferred his independence. Your father was one of many actors and directors including Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and John Huston, who went to Washington, D.C. in 1947 to oppose the HUAC investigation into communism in Hollywood. Did his support lead to him being blacklisted? Absolutely. He was immediately blacklisted by all the Hollywood studios. Offers stopped right away. He talked to his agent and was told what the studio reaction was. He couldn’t believe it! And there were no longer invitations to lunch or dinner from the ‘Hollywood friends.’ Luckily, he could work for independent producers and in England and Europe. 

Your dad was removed from the blacklist when he became a director in the 1950s on the classic TV anthology Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Had he been good friends with Hitch? His friendship was with [producer] Joan Harrison, Hitch’s ‘right hand man.’ Had your father wanted to direct before he joined the series? He was a very ‘educated’ artist. He went through all the rigors of the drama school in Vienna and graduated qualified as a professional. Directing was just an extension of his training and experience. He was a man who loved to be in charge in any way. It was his nature-so a rather organic move when the first opportunities as a director or a producer presented themselves. Would you talk about his bond with Bette Davis? They were so wonderful in NOW, VOYAGER and DECEPTION (‘46), and he directed her in a Hitchcock episode as well as the fun thriller DEAD RINGER. He and Bette were friends, colleagues, flirts and best of adversaries. They respected each other and were capable of pushing each other’s buttons. There was a tremendous trust and so, we get these wonderful performances from both of them. He was a wonderful director because he understood the actor. I should say that my mother was included in the friendship. She was also creative, smart and talented and often contributed to make that duo a trio. He directed you in DEAD RINGER. What was that experience like? Great. I was fortunate enough to have that experience a number of times. We were really good about keeping the job and the home life separated. Work was work. Home was home. There was an expectation of excellence, but that was an everyday experience. He was a bit of a perfectionist but then, so am I. He didn’t push or shove but rather guided. Ask anyone he worked with how calm and gentle he was. You may not be able to answer this question! But what is the favorite film of your dad’s? That’s difficult to answer! My favorite film is THE SPANISH MAIN because it’s most like HIM – smart, athletic, funny, thoughtful, charming, daring, gorgeous. As far as acting talents go, a toss-up or mixture of SONG OF LOVE, DECEPTION and HOLLOW TRIUMPH.

[popculturebuffet]

Pinky and the Brain: Brain’s Song Review or Why You Hatin on Bruce Willis? (Comissioned by BlahDiddy)

Hello, Hello, Hello you wonderful people! It’s back to the Animaniacs Cinematic Unvierse for some more pinky, pinky and the brain brain brain brain brain, as I still have those two christmas reviews left in the queue. And since I went over the ins and outs of the characters history last time, we can just get right to it. 

We open in Acme Labs, where Brain, tired of pinky’s antics is trying to a clockwork orange him into being emotionless by having him watch some emotional stuff. We also get some good gags but as usual for coveirng this show I can’t stop and cover every one, but this is a damn funny episode Point is Brain tries showing him things like evil kenivel and prscilla presley’s dear john letter to micheal jackson.. this episode has not aged well in places and we will get to that. Point is Pinky’s already tearing up when we get to a pastiche of the lion king but with tigers, which naturally opens the flood gates.. but in a nice twist it’s for BOTH of them. Brain despite himself can’t help sobbing and leaning into his buddy and the two hug. awwww.  Pinky tells him there’s no shame in it as “No one can resist emotionally manipulative story telling with a sad score.. except maybe g gordon liddy”.. I don’t get that last part, but the rest is really funny and naturally gives brain an idea: to make his OWN emotionally manipulative film. to make people so depressed they can’t do anything and wil lhand him the world. Making a supercut of bojack horseman’s gutpunching moments would be faster but neither supercuts nor that show exist yet so he’s left to instead write a pastiche of the movie Brian’s Song.  Brian’s Song is a tv movie about football players Brian Picollo and Gale Sayers, two star football players in college. According to tv tropes the two start out as rivals, become friends, Picollo helps Sayers recover from an injury.. then Sayers stays by Picolllo’s side as he slowly subcumbs to cancer. I only vaugely remembered it from I love the 80s and that it made people sad. Look i’ll go to the moon and back for comissions, even ones given out as a gift, but I draw the line at watching an entire 70′s tv movie, even with the unstoppably cool Billy Dee Williams starring in it as Sayers. I have limits.. and a best episodes of the year list to work on/watch the last few episodes for. I gotta draw a line somewhere.  That said.. this team knows how to do GOOD parody: i.e. you shoudln’t have to know the thing being parodied to get it, it just makes it even funnier. So while the Brian’s Song parody is lost on me, it still works as schmaltzy sports movies captalizing on real life events never died. SOMEHOW. Please stop hollywood, please, I know i’m not a sports guy but even that aside we don’t need any more. Or if your not going to at least give us a revivial of friday night lights. That’s how you make me care about sports. SO it still works well.  What dosen’t is most of the next bit, where our boys head off to hollywood. And look some bits are really funny: Brain having a rat tail and goatee

Don’t ask me why, pinky, who weirdly dosen’t have his own mechanical human suit, as his agent, it’s good. And what’s GREAT is the two pitching the film to tom hanks, the nicest guy in hollywood, only for him to throw a tantrum and demand they call him lord ruler. Given Hanks is STILL the nicest guy in hollywood to this day.. the joke is sitll hilarious, helped by the fact he’s one of my mom’s faviorite actors, so i’ve grown up with the guy my whole life. Love the guy genuinely great stuff, easily on par with that bit from the simpsons movie.  But the issue is.. that’s the ONLY funny gag for the next three minutes, as Brain pitches it to bruce wilis, who is on board till demi reminds him he has to watch the kids and stuff. GET IT BECAUSE HE’S A FAMILY MAN... LAUGH, LAUGH AT HIM BEING A RESPONSIBLE AND LOVING PARENT LAUGGGHGHHH. Seriously Bruce Williams is awesome what the hell man.  It gets no better as we get an unfunny montage of eveyrone turning down brain including Donny Most, as he just rose from the haze

Sunday Monday, happy days. Point is that one bit was funnier than the handful of minutes of my life i’m not getting back. Seriously a fourth of the episode is wasted on thiis and the bruce willis bit combined. Why. The ONLY funny part is the ending where they get rejected by vanilla ice.. which is only funny now because he’s since made a small career in film showing up in Adam Sandler films, so his threshold for being in shit films is low. Then again his musical talent took a steep decline.. yes it somehow got worse. 

Just in case you think I was bullshitting you. Point is no one will star in Brain’s film or help fund it so he decides to go full wiseau and make it himself.  So our heroes head home and we get some great bits in how they put it together. Brain INTENDS for Meadowlark Lemon, who I somehow knew was a Harlem Globetrotter, and who Brain taught to play his sidekick.. but he backs out so PInky gets the part afterall. Why? I don’t know.. seriously the joke dosen’t even remotely synch up. The only things he and bill dee share are being black and if that’s the reason they wanted to shove a globetrotter in this...

Yeah. Thankfully we’re past the poorly aged bits of this as the rest of the episode .. is just nonstop hilarity. There’s just too many jokes to go over, but some of hte best include: Brain’s hairpiece, mimicing Jame’s Caan, which is made of lint, Pinky having to wear stilts for one scene, using a treadmill to mimic walking, pinky finding great sets by raiding the garage finding a barbie playset for the hospital room and a game of electric football for the field. Huh I think ken burns made a documentary on that once. 

That’s also the only reason I know what Electric Football is.. also how did pinky carry all of that. Questions for later. Point is it’s just one clever gag after the next and you really DON’T need to know Brian’s Song to find this uproriously hilarious. Our heroes also flim it live, hyjacking the airwaves not to offer wishes but to air the film. Again the film is just one long string of great gags, no question so I’m not recapping it. But it works and the world leaders are too bummed out to do anything. Insert your own 2020 joke here.  But in a nice chekovs callback Brain sustained injuries being on the electric football set, so he vibrates at inportune times, thus causing everyone to laugh, foiling his plan> It’s a great payoff and I do like how, as I mentioned in my last pinky and the brain review, it’s often Brain’s own fault and not ALWAYS just “pinky screws up” like I remembered. Here his insitance on doing the scene again and again depsite the risk and not acknowlding his pain screws him over. 

Final Thoughts; This is a pretty good episode. Despite the down spot the last half of it is just so damn funny, again I coudln’t properly recap it because it was just one long string of great jokes and set pieces, and trasncends the film i’ts parodying. Worth a watch if you have hulu just fast forward a bit after the tom hanks bit. Also that was Dave Colier, aka terrible replacment venkman aka uncle joey aka that guy who somehow had sex with alanis morsette but is probably not the one that song is about. It was about Alf, wake up people. And for now I bid you all goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Never paid much attention to Louis’ playlists until I started reading your blog (your music posts are brilliant btw) but his Tour Bus one? I mean the story it conveys... if you’re a Larrie and believe that H&L are expressing their truth in clever subliminal ways how can you look at the lyrics of those songs and not see his situation? I mean Dakota (about a PAST summer romance in June), I’m still standing, bittersweet symphony... He’s screaming “we need to move on” as he clearly has.

Louis has already said a lot in his previous music recommendations, both about his preferences in music, his taste, his background (musical and cultural), and his personal life. Amy Winehouse has tunes for days, but he picks Tears Dry On Their Own.

This is the Louis Tomlinson Tour Bus playlist:

Song 2 - Blur

Well I got my head done/ When I was young/ It’s not my problem

Never Miss a Beat - Kaiser Chiefs

What is the golden rule?/ You say nothing/ It's cool to know nothing

The Runner - Foals

Loneliness of the long distance runner/ Shadow, come closer, so I'll go on further

Twice - Catfish and the Bottlemen

Maybe I’ll grow tired of you bitchin’ all the time/ cause when you love me, the way you’re living/ it’s just hard to fret about much/ because if I got time, I’d just regret most shit

Life Is a Game of Changing - DMA’s

Life is a game of changing/ I was thinking all about our situation/ Here anymore, I can't steer anymore

Charmer - Kings of Leon

She's such a charmer oh no/ Oh no/ She stole my karma oh no

Reptilia - The Strokes

Our lives are changing lanes, you ran me off the road/ The wait is over, I'm now taking over/ You're no longer laughing, I'm not drowning fast enough

Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Who knew the other side of you?/ Who knew that others died to prove?/ Too true to say goodbye to you

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

I’m worse at what I do best/ And for this gift I feel blessed/ Our little group has always been/ And always will until the end

Dakota - Stereophonics

You made me feel like the one

Heavyweight Champion of the World - Reverend and the Makers

I could've been a contender/ Could've been a someone/ Caught up in the rat race/ And feeling like a no-one/Appearing in the papers / With the money and the girls/ I could've been The Heavyweight Champion of the World

Flux - Bloc Party

We were hoping for some romance/ All we found was more despair/ We must talk about our problems/ We are in a state of flux

Looking At You - Only the Poets

He could flick a light switch in your heart/We were just a deep dive in the dark/ I don't know why it still tears me apart/ Oh looking at you looking at him

Supersonic- Oasis

I need to be myself/ I can't be no-one else/ I'm feeling supersonic, give me gin and tonic/ You can have it all, but how much do you want it?/ You make me laugh/ Give me your autograph

Teddy Picker - Arctic Monkeys

And it's the thousandth time that it's even bolder/ Don't be surprised when you get bent over/ They told you, but you were dying for it

Hard to Beat - Hard FI

Read all about it, have you heard the latest?/ Boy in a band dates a hollywood actress/ But baby, you and me, we came up from the street/ No time to hesitate, we've got to push our weight

What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club

And I can tell just what you want/ You don't want to be alone/ I wouldn't test you, I'm not the best you/ Could have obtained, why try anything?

Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

Happiness, it hurt like a bullet in the mind

Without You - Avicii (feat. Sandro Cavazza)

You said you’d follow me anywhere/ But your eyes tell me you won’t be there/ I’ve gotta learn how to love without you

Stoned in Love - Chicane, Tom Jones

If I could roll it back to you/ Just like lovers always do/ I'm stoned in love but not with you

I’m Still Standing - Elton John

And did you think this fool could never win?/ Well look at me, I'm a-coming back again/ I got a taste of love in a simple way/ And if you need to know while I'm still standing/ You just fade away

Don’t You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child/ See, heaven’s got a plan for you

Lonely Boy - The Black Keys

So you pulled my heart out and I don't mind bleedin'/ Any old time you keep me waitin'

Fight On - The Lathums

A lovers quarrel/ Buried under rubble

We Have to Move On - Inhaler

It’s your last night/ We have to move on/ In the last light/ Oh, we stroll off

Can’t Stand Me Now - The Libertines

An ending fitting for the start/ You twist'n'tore our love apart

Not Nineteen Forever - Courteeners

You're not nineteen forever, pull yourselves together/ I know it seems strange but things, they change

I Am The Resurrection - The Stone Roses

Don't waste your words I don't need anything from you/ I don't care where you've been or what you plan to do

Whatever Gets You Thru The Night - John Lennon

Whatever gets you through the night/ It's all right, it's all right/ It's your money or your life/ It's all right, it's all right

Will We Talk? - Sam Fender

Sometimes I close my eyes/ And sometimes, I see you're fine

Black Betty - Ram Jam

What About Next Time? - Milburn

I really do not mean to pry but this just seems so silly/ How can the truth become a lie just so it means you're winning, oh

Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve

Well I never pray,/ But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah./ I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah./ I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe {20}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Fluff

Word Count: 6.6K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 20: Life is a Beach

-Chris-

  He sat in his baseball hat, and sunglasses and watched Ella as she ran through the playground with all the energy of the roadrunner in the cartoons from his childhood. He couldn’t help but smile. She was amazing. He’d never marveled at a child more than this tiny human—his tiny human. It was still surreal to think that. It had been two and a half, three weeks since the diner with Vixen and in those three weeks, they’d taken small steps. Neither of them had ever done this, and he sure as hell didn’t know what to do or how they were supposed to act. So, the two of you made your own rules. He’d had dinner with them twice a week usually Mondays and Thursdays, Nexus invited him over any time she watched Ella for you, and he was grateful for it. She’d assured him that she didn’t know until the day she met him.

   That knowledge made it easier to be around her, and it made it easier to see how cool she was. She even tried to put in a good word or two for you hoping it would ease his hidden anger with you. He didn’t know if it was successful because sometimes he would look at Ella as she did something and he’d think he missed it because he wasn’t around, and he wasn’t around because you’d lied to him. Those moments hurt and he always had to go off by himself to put it back into perspective. He realized it was a constant struggle for him.

   Every interaction with Ella left him in awe. She was so smart and so full of life he loved every minute. The first few dinners she looked at him occasionally, and every time he caught her looking she’d look away. If you said something and involved him she’d talk, but otherwise, she kept close to you. He understood, he was relatively a stranger. It hurt but again he put it into perspective. He didn’t speak to you unless he had to and if he did it was about Ella. You were free with the information, you’d told him about her first words, first steps, fears, joys, and any other tidbits he asked. He could tell though that you seemed standoffish and he wondered if it was because you were cautious about him being in Ella’s life, or you were apprehensive letting your guard down given what you’d done. He didn’t press the issue, but he watched you.

He didn’t want to watch you. He didn’t want to notice the way your eyes sparkled when you played with Ella. He didn’t want to notice the ample swell of your breasts; he didn’t want to notice that they were bigger than they were three years. He didn’t want to notice how enticing your thighs looked, or how soft your lips looked, and he definitely didn’t want to notice the perfectness of your ass.

   Still, he took notice of it all. His favorite thing to take note of was how much Ella lite up when she was around you and vice versa. He noticed how completely enamored you were with her and every single time he saw that his heart skipped a beat. At times that made him even angrier.

   “I have a day of freedom tomorrow; Ella loves the beach. I was going to check one out,” you began. He tore his eyes from Ella and looked to you. “You should, California beaches are nice, well some of them.” You nodded and smiled as you continued to watch Ella, then you looked to him. “Any suggestions? I’m still pretty new to LA.” He looked back out to the playground and watched Ella squeal as she went down a slide with her hands up. She was fearless. He smiled because he knew he was the same as a kid.

   “Maybe try Santa Monica Beach, there’s a nice one in Laguna and Malibu.”

   “Are those paparazzi free?”

   “I’m sorry about the paps. If I--,” he began before you interrupted. “I get it, it’s the life you live. I was shocked to not see our faces in the magazines.”

   He scoffed; he’d had to get his PR team on that one quick. He threatened everyone and their grandmother that if any of those pictures were published, he’d slap them with the biggest lawsuit on endangering the welfare of a child. There were some people the paps knew not to mess with, and his particular PR team was filled with some of those people. Of course, he worried that now that he went through so much trouble that they’d take notice and dig. “I do have some pull still,” he explained.

   He could feel your eyes on him, but he didn’t look at you. “Thank you. I don’t know what life would be if it were all public knowledge. My parents would kill me,” you said. He snorted because he knew his mother would definitely kill him too but not before she gave him the worst tongue lashing and possible ass kicking. He took a deep breath because he knew one way or another he had to tell her. He’d have to tell her, his father and his siblings. That was another headache.

  Ella ran up to you then crashed herself into your waiting arms. “Hello, my sweet. Having fun?” She nodded enthusiastically before she showed you her handful of sand. “Wook.” You lite up and smiled widely at her while pretending this was the first time you’d seen sand. “You like sand huh.” She nodded again. He smiled. He couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of this.

   “Pfeiffer Beach.” You looked at him quizzically. “What?” He smiled again and sighed. “The beach recommendation, it has to be Pfeiffer.”

   “Why?” He looked down then back to the playground. “It’s out the way, off the beaten track, no paps, and she’ll love the sand.”

   “Okay.” Ella, who still had a small handful of sand hurled it at him. You gasped and grabbed her hands. “Oh my god, no Kristella.” He couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s all right. No harm no foul. You really like sand huh.” He couldn’t stop laughing which made Ella laugh as she nodded. “No, she has to know it’s not okay to throw things at people.” He looked to you, the smile dropped. “People? But I’m not people right?” Your expression changed as you realized what you’d said.

   “That’s not what I meant--,” you began.

  “No, I wouldn’t be people if you’d--.” Seeing the train wreck ahead he stopped himself. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments.

   “Each mama?” You gave Ella a small smile and nodded. “Oooh each, each, each!” He looked at her getting lost in her excitement; seeing it made some of the anger he felt fade. “Cwis come oo, mama?” Her big beautiful eyes peered up at you waiting for an answer.

   “Uh, well you have to ask him babygirl.” Ella then dropped her face into your lap before giggling. You smiled then rolled your eyes. “She always acts shy.” He smiled and watched. Ella peeked at him then hid her face again before you lifted her into your arms. “Kristella Raelle,” you said in a sing-song voice.

   Ella looked to him and he damn near melted. “Cwis come each.” He couldn’t help but smile like a fool.

   “Are we missing a word?” She smiled. “Pwease.” He could have died a happy man then. “I’d love to. Thank you.” She giggled, slid out your arms and ran away on her small legs. You sighed beside him, and he did the same. “Kristella?” Groaning, an embarrassed look came across your face.

   “Yeah, it was the only thing that made sense. I couldn’t decide on a name the whole nine months. My mom said when you see her, it’ll come to you. So, I waited and when the doctors put her on my chest, and she looked at me--,” you paused as if trying to find the right words, but he saw the gleam of tears cloud your eyes. You avoided his eyes, turning your head to the right you cleared your throat. “It just fit.”

   “That could mean damn near anything.”

   He took a deep breath and continued to watch his daughter until he felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket. When he looked at it, he was shocked to realize they’d sat there for hours. The message from his agent was what brought reality back. “I have to go.”

   You nodded. “Okay. Thanks for coming.” He looked at you, and you were once again collected and distant. He didn’t like that it bothered him.

   “Should I come by your place tomorrow morning?” You nodded, standing. “Tell me a time; we’ll be ready.” Ella ran up to you and again crashed into your legs. He had a stray thought that he too wanted to crash into your legs.

   Baffled at how he could even think that let alone want it especially given everything he shook his head. “I think six is good, it takes a few hours to get there, and you want to have some good time there.” You lifted Ella into your arms, and the press of her against your body made your breasts jut out. Naturally, that is where his eyes went. Instantly he caught himself and looked away and took up the small backpack you’d rested on the bench between your bodies. “I’ll carry this.” Smiling your thanks, you took up your bag and walked beside him.

   “Any special requests?” He looked at you, trying to decipher what you meant. He had a few requests in mind. “Like?” Jostling Ella higher on your hip, she shoved her hand into your top. You didn’t seem to notice; this must be every day for you he thought.

 “Food. I usually make some things for a day at the beach. Ella loves to picnic there and don’t let her fool you; she eats a lot.” He smiled wider and nodded. “Uh, anything you make it’ll be fine.” You nodded, and the two of you approached your car.

   When you bent over to put Ella in her car seat, his eyes instinctively dropped to your backside. He knew this wasn’t the first time he’d looked at it, but it felt like the first time. He vaguely remembered from years ago how you felt but it was clear you were different. His hands itched to touch; he felt like an old perv, and it was something that was new. He hadn’t felt this unable to control his thoughts or wants since those nights with you.

   Clearing his throat he stepped back and looked around making sure the paps had not found him. He wanted to protect this for as long as possible. After thanking him and confirming the details for the next day he was off to stress about everything that could happen the next day.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  -Vixen-

   “One piece or bikini?”

   Nexus rolled her eyes as she dropped her head on the bed. “God Vix, you’re killing me. It’s literally the ass crack of dawn, fuck dawn hasn’t even shown her ass yet. I am half asleep. We’ve been doing this for an hour. It’s a simple bathing suit. It doesn’t matter.” Her whining was a lot more pronounced now. You felt bad, a little but this was serious.

   “I’m sorry, but I can’t just wear any old thing.” You picked up one of the twenty bathing suits tossed across your bed and put it to your robed body for the fiftieth time. “Fuck this is stressful.” You dropped onto the bed and groaned. “Why is this stressful? Vix, it’s the beach with your one-and-a-half-year-old child that you share with your ex-husband, it’s not like you’re going to have sex on the beach with your kid between you.”

   You rolled your eyes and stared into the ceiling. She was right; it wasn’t a big deal. It was a beach with your kid; nothing would happen. You didn’t know why you were fussing so much.

   “Relax, just take it down a notch. It’s just a day, just the beach.” You took a deep breath and released it hoping it worked to calm your nerves. “Have you slept?” You jumped up and walked out the door. “Not yet, I had to make food.” You could hear Nexus groan as you walked to the kitchen to pack the dishes you’d made.

   “God, Vixen.”

   Chewing your bottom lip, you finished packing the food into the picnic bag and ignored Nexus and your nerves. After yesterday at the park you could tell that things could either go left or right with no indication and you were anxious.  With the way he threw the fact that you’d hidden Ella from him it was safe to say he was still angry about it and you knew it would come up again. Part of you understood while you didn’t do what you did to spite him or to be a vindictive bitch your intentions didn’t matter; it was the action that did. You understood his anger. If you were honest with yourself you deserved it. You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t realize you were motionless, standing in front of the counter just staring out.

   “What is it now?” Sighing you shook your head and hopefully the feelings away.

  “Nothing, you’re right—as always. I’m bugging out, and I need to chill. I will.” You took a few deep breaths and closed the bag you’d packed.

“Better?” You nodded to Nexus and put on a satisfied smile. Nexus studied you, but instead of calling you on your bull she shook her head. “The two-piece, your body after Ella is incredible, so if you got it flaunt it.” You smirked and nodded.

  Once in your room again Nex took up a skimpy two-piece, you eyed her like she was crazy.

“What?” Snorting you took it and held it up to inspect it. It left nearly nothing to the imagination.

   “You’re kidding.” Nex smiled and shook her head. “It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, and I can tell he wants to see it again,” Next boasted. The smile you wore fell, and the butterflies in your stomach took flight.

  “What?” Nex laughed and sat back on your bed snuggling into your sheets. “Vix, it’s obvious. I saw it all over his face when he came over for dinner.” You went over your memories from that night and tried to see if she was right. In the midst of it, you stopped yourself.

  “No, Nex, no. That’s not true, and that’s that on that.” She looked even more amused. “You still like him,” she accused.

   You turned your back to her and went through your drawer to look for a bathing suit that didn’t show off too much but was still cute. “I do not. I never liked him.” Nexus laughed even louder; then you felt a bottle hit your back.

  “Ouch!” She rolled her eyes. “You’re a liar. You do not have sex with just anyone much less marry them. You liked, liked him. Sometimes I thought you lo--.” Clearing your throat loudly you cut her off before she uttered the ridiculous word. As you walked into the bathroom you heard Nexus scoff. You changed into the bathing suit and then spent the next five minutes or so looking over your body at every angle. You were nervous, and you knew it was stupid.

   Once you emerged from the bathroom, Nexus was holding a bright-eyed Ella who had a waffle in one hand and her hair in the other. “Good morning princess.” She smiled then dropped her head onto Nex’s shoulder. You dropped kisses all across her face then pulled on a pair of denim shorts and the crop top you’d picked from the night before. When you looked at the clock on your nightstand you saw you had just a little over thirty minutes before Chris was supposed to arrive. That was when you became frazzled, you still had yet to get Ella together or the toys and supplies you needed for a beach trip. You’d intended to do it the night before, but when you came home you stressed the entire night. Now you were feeling the stress.

   By the time the doorbell rang, Ella was running around the house in her bathing suit, and you were frantically trying to pack the last minute things you’d need. Nex was the one to open the door and let him in. When you came out you had three bags. Chris immediately came forward to take them. “Good morning.” He smiled as he said it and you caught the scent of his cologne, and your belly did flips.

   “That is my belly, right?”

   “Sure, you packed enough?” You snapped out of it and shrugged. “Never know with a kid. I like to be prepared for anything, and with Ella, anything is possible.” He smiled, and god did he look beautiful. Ella’s loud babbling increased to an almost deafening decibel.

  “She is so gonna crash once she gets in the car,” Nex joked. You nodded your agreement, and that was when she ran out with her shorts off her body and on her head shouting before she crashed into your legs.

   “Ella why’d you take off your shorts?” She pouted and held one hand in the air and put the other on her hip. “Piwate!” Pinching your lips together you nodded. “Really?” She nodded. “Pink piwate!” It was then Chris laughed out loud to which Ella’s pout became more pronounced before she glared at him.

  “No waugh, I pwetty piwate!” Chris quickly straightened his face. “The prettiest pirate I ever did see.” Ella broke character and smiled widely before she hid behind your legs. “All right you, let’s put these shorts back where they belong.” You bent down and dressed her appropriately. “I’ll bring these to the car,” Chris informed before he walked back out the door hands completely filled. Nexus’ expression caught your eye. It was an expression that said she approved.

   “All right, have fun,” Nex said. You stood holding Ella.

  “What’re you going to do all day?” She shrugged. “Get some sleep, maybe shop a little and just lounge. Nothing much.” You studied her not fully believing her. “Go, although I know he’ll wait forever for you don’t make him.”

  Rolling your eyes, you took the last bag and your purse and the stroller and walked out the door. “Say bye-bye auntie Nex.” Ella waved and leaned out toward Nex with her lips puckered then let out an exaggerated loud kiss.

  “Ayye!” Nex did the same with a broad smile on her face. You walked down the path toward Chris’ car. He met you halfway and took your bags, and the stroller then loaded them in his trunk.

   Before you got to the door, you stopped. “Ah, the car seat.” Before you turned back to your car Chris’ voice stopped you. “Actually, I have that covered.” He opened the backdoor, and you saw a car seat that was identical to yours ready and waiting. Staring at it and then to him you were speechless. “Is it the wrong one? I was sure it was the same one you had.” Snapping out of it you nodded.

  “Yes, no it’s the same.” Chris smiled and doing your best to suppress the increasing butterflies you buckled Ella into the seat taking full notice that it was correctly installed. Once you closed the door you saw him holding open the passenger door for you, and again the butterflies increased. Nex was standing at the door still watching, and you could see the smile on her face as well as a look that was a mixture of “told you” and “he’s a keeper.” Thanking him you got in and once he came around you were off.

   The drive was a quiet one in the beginning. It took ten minutes flat for Ella to fall asleep which left the two of you alone in an enclosed space for the next two hours. For the most part, it was a quiet ride, he kept his eyes on the road, and you tried to keep yours off of him. You failed miserably. The chino shorts he wore that fell just at his knees before now sat a few inches above it giving you a glimpse of some thigh. Though he was a thin guy his thighs didn’t look it, they looked defined, muscular and completely inviting. You sat there staring at them for far longer than was appropriate. Every time you tried to think of something else, another thing caught your eye. For instance, his hands gripping the steering wheel, that made you take notice of how big his hands were and made you think back to how his hand cupped your breast and ass with ease.

   When you scolded yourself for your thoughts and forced it back onto something neutral, something else caught your eye. Soon his arms were the subject of your gawking. You remembered everything about them, but he’d buffed up even more, and it was wreaking havoc on your desires. You felt like a horny teenager, and you hated it. Once you realized it was horniness you felt, it hit you that you hadn’t had sex with anyone since him. That realization was all it took for you to freak out.

   “Are you okay?” you snapped your head to him, he looked concerned. Not able to get any words out you nodded then looked back out your window. “We should be there in another forty minutes or so.” Again you nodded, and silence filled the car. “Did I do something?” shocked you looked to him. “No. God no. why would you think that?”

   “You’ve barely said five sentences this entire drive.”

   “Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m just lost in my thoughts, I guess.” You could feel his eyes on you for a few seconds before he looked back to road then again to you. “I get that, more than you know,” he admitted releasing an exasperated breath. You felt the car pull to the side of the road, and you looked around, expecting that you’d arrived. Chris turned to you giving you his full attention.

   “Let’s make a deal. You don’t go getting lost in your thoughts, and I won’t go getting lost in mine. No doubt we both are all over the place the last few weeks, but I remember we were able to have a good time together. I’m hoping that’s still the same. So, let’s agree to that and just be—present.” His eyes went to Ella in the backseat, and a soft smile teased his lips. “I can make that deal if you can,” he finished before his eyes landed back on you.

   You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat. “Deal.” He smiled slowly and nodded. “Deal,” he repeated. The both of you smiled, and he resumed the trip giving you the time to calm those butterflies he awoke with just a smile.

  When you arrived, Ella was wide awake and ready for fun. Chris carried the majority of the bags while you carried Ella and your purse. You could smell the sea salt, and you knew Ella could too because her big blue eyes scanned everywhere in search of what she knew she was there for. When the three of you rounded a cluster of rocks you stopped in your tracks at the beauty before you. Ella must have been surprised too because she didn’t say anything, she just looked wide-eyed. “Oh yie god,” Ella repeated what you said, and Chris laughed. You looked to him and just looked shocked. “Wow, this is amazing.”

 “Welcome to Pfeiffer Beach,” he said, spreading his arms out around him. You looked at Ella, and she looked at you. “Each?” You nodded. “Beach.” She squealed loudly and began kicking her legs signaling she wanted to be put down. Quickly you put her on the concrete, and she took off down the rest of the path. All she kept screaming was beach. Once the road ended Ella stopped and looked back to you and Chris. “Sand?” Chris nodded. Ella paused and bent down to take up a handful. “Poepul.” You stood next to her and looked at the purple sand in her tiny hand. “This is what makes this beach pretty cool. I thought she’d like it.”

   “Poepul! I wike it. I wike it!” Without wasting any more time she ran off across the sand prompting a hearty laugh from Chris. Sensing her intention to run off into the water you ran after her and scooped her up before she got too far.

   “Hold on you little mermaid, let’s set up first.” Kicking her little legs the entire way you and Chris found a nice spot and set up the blanket and other items. After a few minutes Ella had enough stalling.

  “Wato!” Chris smiled. “I think she wants that water now.” Taking her cue from him she nodded.

  “Wato now!” Planting the most defiant look on her face, you just stared at her until the look faded and was replaced with a smile. “Pwease mama.” Unable to be too stern, you smiled and shook your head. “Fine.” She squealed and clapped her hands.

   You took off your hat and began undressing. Once you’d finished, you looked across to Chris who was standing there scanning your body, but it was a quick once over. You didn’t think anything of it.  Taking Ella’s hand, you walked toward the water then ran once she picked up speed. Once at the shore you led Ella out until the water reached her waist. Without warning, she jumped to you shouting “wee.” Laughing the two of you played in the water splashing each other and everywhere around you. Her squeals and laughs were music to your ears. After a few minutes, you looked back to where you’d left Chris. He was watching, but you couldn’t make out the expression on his face.

   “Aren’t you coming?” Right on cue Ella spun her head to him. “Come in wato Cwis!” You smiled.

  “See, the mermaid princess has spoken!” He smiled and shrugged then lifted his shirt.

 “Holy fucking shit, mother of Mary and holy sweet baby in a manger!”

   Every action he made was in slow motion from then on. Your eyes scanned his perfect chest down to each of his six ab muscles. Once you got to his waist, your jaw dropped seeing those indentations that drove women to forget how to speak English. He ran to the water, and you heard the theme song to Baywatch playing in your head.

   Once he ran into the water even the drops moved in slow motion as they splashed across his chest and slowly ran down his skin. Before you knew it he was standing in front of you, and your eyes were glued below his neck. Suddenly water splashed in your face, sputtering you wiped it away to see Ella laughing.

   “Even my kid knows I’m thirsty.”

   Trying to ignore the overwhelming desire you felt you splashed around with her, Chris joined in. Soon he was the one splashing the two of you with his massive arms. Ella loved every second of it when a tsunami sized splash landed on her; she screamed and laughed. When a wave came in she cried for a different reason and held on tightly to you. You and Chris tried to reassure her it was okay, but she would not be soothed unless you moved back to the shore. So every time the waves stopped you inched out further but when it came in she made you run back to shore. It was exhausting.

   When you made it back to the blanket for a break, she dropped in the sand and began building a castle. It was then you decided you deserved food. When you opened the containers, Chris let out a loud “mmm.” “That smells too good.” Ella rushed over and fell on your lap. “Hungry baby?” She nodded.

   You placed the container to the side and rinsed off her hands with a bottle of water then a sani wipe. “So, I may have gone overboard with the food. Once I start cooking it’s next to impossible for me to keep it simple or stop.” Chris smiled and watched as you opened the containers one by one. “This is pasta salad with some crab and lobster. Please tell me you’re not allergic to shellfish.”

   “Nope, I love seafood.” You smiled and nodded. “All right good. These are buffalo, and BBQ chicken wraps with a dollop of pesto and on the bbq ones.” You handed Ella one of the bbq wraps, she sat and moaned her pleasure on the first bite. “This is mac and cheese, but not that box stuff this is authentic mac and cheese—black mac and cheese.” Chris snorted.

   “Then some fruit kabobs and a strawberry vinaigrette salad kabob. Ella loves strawberries.”

   Chris sat there looking at all the food with an impressed expression. “Wow. This all looks amazing. I don’t know why you think you went overboard; I like to eat.” You couldn’t stifle the laugh that escaped you, so you motioned for him to dig in. The three of you sat there enjoying the sun, breeze, and food and for a while, it felt perfect.

“So, I see you accomplished your dream, your restaurant.” You smiled and nodded. “I did.” He took another bite of food then looked back to you. “Congratulations, I knew you’d make it happen. I could sense your determination. I saw something in you that said you’d make it happen.” You looked away from him to Ella, who played with her toys with one hand and ate with the other.

  “Yeah, part of the dream. It was hard, don’t get it twisted. It was crazy hard, especially when Ella came around, but with the grace of God and my family I was lucky.”

   “Nah, luck has nothing to do with it. You made it happen Vixen.” Glancing at him, you saw the stern look on his face. Nodding, you decided to take the implied compliment. He looked away, and a comfortable silence fell between you. “What do you mean by part of the dream?”

   “Well, the dream was to start a chain of restaurants. I have one in San Fran and soon one here in LA, so I guess the dream will then be accomplished,” you explained with a smile realizing your reality and all you’d accomplished.

  “You’re opening a restaurant here?” You nodded. “Really?”

   “Yeah, I came across an opportunity, and I got lucky, and that’s why I’m here. We’re building it up from the start.” He looked shocked.

   “Wow, Vixen that is incredible. Wow! I’m happy for you.” Smiling, you tried to ignore the feelings bubbling at the surface. “Congratulations.”

   “Thank you.” He looked like he meant what he said, and it warmed your heart.

   “Mama, castle pwease.” Seeing that you weren’t finished Chris wiped his hands. “Can I?” You nodded, and he slid to Ella.

   “I know I’m not mama, but can I make a castle with you?” Ella looked to his face, but she looked as if she were looking right through him. “My eye.” She looked to you at the same time Chris did. He looked confused, but you knew what she meant.

  “Yes baby, you have the same eyes.” She looked away, but Chris didn’t. “Okay, castle Cwis.” His eyes didn’t leave yours; the moment was a heavy one. Sensing you were close to losing it, you slipped on your sunglasses and watched them build castles. She freely chattered away, and Chris responded to what he understood, it was the cutest thing.

   When they were finished you took pictures of their masterpiece, then Ella began posing, which had Chris laughing up a storm before he joined in for the pictures at Ella’s wishes. So, it suddenly turned into an impromptu photoshoot. Chris took your phone and made you get into the pictures with Ella. After every snap he would shout out “new pose” and Ella ate it up.

   After a few minutes, an elderly couple approached. “Why don’t you get in there too? We’ll get a good picture of the family.” Chris looked at you, and you smiled and nodded. When he slipped in he stood behind you and Ella. Without needing to be told Ella shouted out. “Cheeee.” Everyone laughed as the picture was taken. You put Ella down and walked to the couple to thank them. “No thank you necessary. You make a beautiful family, and it warms my heart to see so much love between a young couple.”

   A gentle breeze could have toppled you over. Neither you nor Chris spoke up to correct her though. Your overactive mind wanted to dissect that alone, but you pushed it aside. “Do you want to know the secret to how we’ve stayed married so long?” The older man looked between you and Chris but didn’t wait for an answer. “I see her the same way I did the first time I ever laid eyes on her and I never forget how I felt.” You couldn’t help but smile at how sweet he was. “If you do that, everything else falls into place.” As quickly as they appeared they walked off leaving the two of you stunned.

   When you turned around and returned to the blanket Chris and Ella were stomping on the castle completely destroying it. Chris was pretending to be Godzilla and roared with each slow motioned stomp and Ella imitated him. You sat and just watched as your heart swelled utterly falling in love with the sight of them together. Chris then pretending to go after her and chased her around the beach to her absolute delight.

   When she tried to run not the water Chris was there to block her. When a wave crashed into Chris unexpectedly he stumbled and fell to the sand. Ella let loose an uproar of laughter then jumped right onto his belly. While he groaned an incoming wave came in and before it crashed on them he lifted her into the air with one of his arms. She began screaming but stopped once she realized she was okay. That turned into him pretending she was an airplane which she loved. Your heart melted; this was the first time she’d allowed him to touch her. It was her way of showing she’d opened up to someone new. It was also a sight that made a tear roll down your cheek.

   By the time you made it back home, it was night, and again Ella was knocked out. Chris took the bags inside while you packed up the toys she had strewn around the backseat. When he came back you got out on the opposite side and walked around to him. Taking notice that your hands were full, he looked to Ella. “Uh—you got her or need some help?”

   You motioned to her, “Yeah, go ahead; it’s okay.” He looked at you as if he were cautious.  “Are you sure?” Nodding you walked onto the lawn. Chris bent inside the car and slowly wrapped his arms around her lifting her. When he turned you knew you weren’t prepared for the sight.

   You walked to the house with Chris following closely behind you. “Follow me.” You walked up the stairs and to her room with pink and purple letters spelling out her name. “Right on the bed.” Chris walked in and across to her bed where he gently laid her down. He sat there, momentarily, and stared. From where you stood you could hear the purring you loved. Chris looked at you and smiled.

   “She does purr.” You smiled and nodded. For the next few minutes, no words were needed. The two of you just sat there staring in awe at the tiny human you’d created together. When he crossed the room back to you, you pressed your back onto the wall. He didn’t stop until he was a few inches from you.

   “She’s perfect Vixen.” Again, you nodded. “She is,” you whispered back. His eyes searched yours. You were full of so many thoughts and emotions. You were afraid to speak, afraid to move and could barely breathe. You watched his tongue snake out and slowly trail across his bottom lip. Instinctively you did the same, that was when his eyes dropped to your mouth.

   “Shit, do I want him to kiss me? Would I move if he did?”

   You bit your bottom lip, and your body moved on its own leaning your lower half off the wall while your back remained against it. “You’re a good mom.” Your smile was full, and your heart fluttered. Chris took another step to you, and your heart rate increased. His hand went out and touched your hip, and every nerve in your body fired off creating an electric feeling that sparked through you.

  As if getting a jumpstart, your memory flashed back to three years ago when he did the same thing. Back then what came next was him kissing you, pulling you to his body so you could feel every line, and slope of his hard body. Then his hand would snake around you to cup your backside, and from there you knew you’d end up in bed.  

   “Would it end the same way? Would he be the same?”

   Anxiety flared and with it fear and all the embarrassment and hurt you felt three years ago. You stepped back, clearing your throat. “Em, it’s really late.” Where his fingers were digging into the meat of your hip, now they relaxed as if waiting for the rest of that sentence, a sentence you didn’t finish.

   “Yeah,” Chris agreed before he cleared his throat as well. He took a few steps back and looked back to Ella in her bed. “It is.” He looked down and sighed. “I’ll walk you out.” You walked out of the room and down the stairs. You got to the front door a few seconds before he did. It was enough time to slow your racing heart and put on a calm exterior.

   “Thank you for letting me come along today.” Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you looked down to your feet. “No, thank you for finding such an amazing beach. She had a really, really good time.”

   “I did too but was it just she and I who had a good time?” You looked up and finally met his eyes. You’d never seen this look before; it looked like the look of an unsure man. “No, it was a lot of fun.” Chris nodded then looked at his own feet. “Okay, so I’m going to head out.”

   “Yeah, drive safe.” He nodded, turned, and walked back to his car. You stood there and watched him debating in your head if you’d done the right thing.

   “You knew where this would have led Vix. You’ve been done that road already. You would have gotten your feelings hurt again, and he would have had the last laugh. You did the right thing. You did what you should have done three years ago.”

   Though part of you said that, when you saw him put his head on his steering wheel before he pulled off, you had to question that part. Had you done the right thing?

~~~~~~~~~~~

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Fame and Glory - The Man You Were Meant to Be

Fame and Glory: A Captain America Fanfic

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Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Steve Rogers x OFC (Glory) with some Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers x OMC

Word Count:  3769

Warnings:  Angst, smut (M|F, M|M, Bisexual MMF, oral sex, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, loss of virginity (Steve’s), anal sex)

Synopsis:  After taking the Super Serum that changed him from small sickly Steve Rogers to the man we now know as Captain America, Steve is sent on a USO tour to increase sales of war bonds and entertain the troops. Being on stage and the chorus girls both terrify him.

With the help of dancer Glory, Steve begins to warm up to the idea of fame until he starts doing things he never thought he would and begins to question himself.  Does he like the man he has become and who does he want to be?

Chapter 3 - The Man You Were Meant to Be

Along with Steve’s sudden loss of sexual confidence, he also lost confidence in himself for just about everything.  His choices.  His abilities.  Who he was as a person.  The two weren’t exactly related.  Making a bad choice in his sex life - even one that did question his own moral standards - didn’t change that people still saw him as a hero helping out the war effort.  What changed that was the tour.

On home soil, he was dealing with people who were just continuing their day to day lives.  They may have been struggling with rationing, but they weren’t in immediate danger.  The show was a release for them.  A reminder they were one of the good guys and that everything was going to turn out just fine.

On the frontline what he was met with was indifference at best and hostility at worst.  Soldiers serving in the war, actually going out and risking their lives.  Those men had absolutely no interest in Captain America and his shiny Hollywood version of war, where only the Nazis got hurt and everyone comes back victorious.  They didn’t want to hear the polished words of the American propaganda machine.  They knew how far from the truth they were.   All they saw Steve as was a dancing monkey mocking the trauma they were actually experiencing.

The tour started far out on the edges of the fighting.  In bases that were more there for recovery and strategic planning.  The men at those bases would cheer the girls when they came out to sing.  They’d catcall and holler.  When Steve came out he’d only receive polite clapping and when his part was done they’d get up and file out without even waiting for him to get off the stage.

As they got closer and closer to the actual fighting they started booing him off stage.  Things would get thrown.  He started going over and over every single decision he’d ever made that had led him down this path where he now hated himself.  Even when he was small he didn’t hate himself.  He hated the world at large for dealing him so much shit.  For dealing others so much shit.  He wanted to fight it and fix what was wrong.  Instead, he got pretty and became complacent with the luxuries that came with being sexually desirable.

Being on the frontline just reminded him how much of himself he gave up to be Captain America.  How many of his own ideals he’d swept under the rug to just wallow in popularity.  How little he was actually doing to serve his country.  How he was a huge fraud.

He all but stopped having sex with Glory.  More out of necessity than anything else.  They were sleeping in barracks and tents for the most part.  Glory being in with him was a practical impossibility.  Once or twice they figured out a way to make it happen.  It was always rushed and uncomfortable and it felt like it was being done out of habit.  So they ended up just stopping.  They never discussed it, they just moved on.

He was glad she was there though.  She always saw him as he was.  She knew he was hurting and did her best to reassure him.

“Honey, you know that you didn’t choose this.  You want to help.  This is where they put you.  They’ll see you’re wasted when the time is right.   Don’t you worry.”

It all came to a head when Steve was booed off the stage on a base right on enemy lines.  The men jeered and chased him off, calling for the girls to return.   Glory and the others rushed back on repeating their previous routine.  They then each did their best to back up each other with unrehearsed acapella versions of songs they had sung at bars while drunk.

The men enjoyed it.  The songs were sultry and a little suggestive and they really just wanted to look at the girls in their skimpy outfits and fantasize about fucking them.  It had been a long time since any of them had been near someone soft and warm and who wanted them.

After the show Glory couldn’t find Steve anywhere.  She’d assumed he’d be somewhere sulking about the reception he’d been given.  She didn’t have a lot of time to look though.  The girls were required to go meet with the soldiers, which meant putting up with a lot of unwanted touching and filthy innuendo, before coming back to the stage again.

The three girls rushed backstage after the meet and greet to grab their helmets before performing again.

“Has anyone seen my helmet?”  Betty asked.  Glory and Karen both shrugged before jogging in the direction of the stage.

Just before she stepped up on stage, hands grabbed Glory by the shoulders and pulled her behind some curtains that hid the scaffolding of the stairs.

She squeaked and looked up at Steve.  “There you are, baby.”

“I don’t have much time.  So just listen okay?”  Steve said.  “Peggy is here and - and I found out the Germans have Bucky.  She’s organized to get me over enemy lines.  I’m gonna try and get him back.”

Glory felt her heart stop.  So much information to process in so little time.  “Are you sure about this, Steve?”  She asked.

“I can’t keep being this puppet that dances for spare change.  I have to do something useful.  I have to find Bucky.”  Steve said, firmly.

Glory stroked her fingers down Steve’s jaw.  “You’re right.  This is who you are.  Not the guy out there.  Go be who you were born to be.”

Steve smiled at her and turned to leave, but Glory caught him and pulled him into a kiss.  “For luck.”  She breathed.

Steve smiled and nodded before disappearing behind the curtain.

Glory waited.  They told her about Steve leaving against orders.  She listened and nodded like she didn’t have any idea.  They told her she had to leave.  That they’d be taking her and the other girls back to England and then return them to America as soon as possible.  That the tour was over.

She told them she wasn’t going to go anywhere until Steve was back.  They told her they’d arrest her if she didn’t do as she was told.  She told them they should do what they needed to do and she’d do what she needed to do.

Peggy came to see her.  Glory sat with her arms crossed over her chest and one leg crossed over the other, furiously chewing gum.

The beautiful, brunette agent stepped into the tent and looked her over.  “You know waiting here won’t change the outcome for him?”

“It will change things for me.  I won’t go home worrying he died and having no one tell me either way.”  Glory snapped.

Peggy sat down opposite Glory and frowned, looking the slight blonde woman over.  “I know what it’s like to worry about people who are over there fighting, but this is a military base.  We have work to do.”

“You’re Peggy Carter aren’t you?”  Glory asked, ignoring the woman.

Peggy blinked at her startled.  “How did you know that?”

“He talks about you all the time.  He has a real sweet spot for you.”  Glory said.

Peggy furrowed her brow.  “Are you two an item?”

Glory laughed.  It was pure and genuine.  “Oh, it’s not like that, honey.  He’s my family.  I’m not going anywhere until I know.”

Peggy sighed and part of her deep down felt relieved.  “Fine.  I’ll pull some strings.  If he’s not back in the next day though, you’re going to have to go.”

Glory half smiled.  “Honey, if he’s not back by then, you and I both know I’ve gotten my answer.”

So she waited.  A day later he hadn’t returned and her heart sank.  Plans were put into place to take her to England.  Colonel Phillips asked her to stay while he prepared his notice of death.  

Glory was heartbroken.  The loss of Steve had hit her much harder than she’d expected.  She had never harbored the illusion that they were destined to be together.  She hadn’t lied though.  Steve was her family.  She had hoped she’d get to see him get the long life and love he deserved.  Instead, she’d stayed behind and witnessed him being put into an early grave.

She was packed and ready to go, waiting in a tent when she heard the cheers from the camp.  She ran out to see what the fuss was and saw him.  Surrounded 20 deep by soldiers, Steve being cheered and clapped on the back.

Relief washed over her like a tidal wave.  She started to cry.  Silent tears just slipping down her cheeks.  She slipped back into the tent and lay down and drifted off to sleep.

An hour or so later she was woken by the sounds of people coming into the tent.  She opened her eyes and saw Steve standing there smiling down at her. ��A handsome brunet with light eyes who looked even more tired than she felt stood behind him.

“Hey, Glory.  You waited for me?”  Steve said.

Glory jumped to her feet and threw her arms around him.  “I’m so glad you’re safe.”

Steve held her.  He squeezed her against his body and didn’t let go until she did.

“This is Bucky,”  Steve said, putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Steve, you got him back.”  She threw herself into Bucky’s arms.  He stared briefly and returned the hug.

“Nice to meet you too, doll,”  Bucky said.  He relished in the feeling of her body against his.  The closeness.  How soft she was.  The feel of her curves pressed against his skin.  It had been so long for him that his cock twitched.

“Are you and Steve…?”  He asked, letting her go.  He kept one hand around her waist, unwilling to end the physical contact with her.  It was like after what he’s just been through he wanted to cancel it out with affection.

Steve laughed.  “Not exactly.  We’re friends.”

“You two never…?”

Glory grinned at Bucky.  “Oh no we did.  All the time.  Like bunnies.”

Bucky groaned.  “Geez, Steve.  What happened to you?”

Steve sat Bucky down on the edge of Glory’s cot and he and Glory sat beside him.  Bucky continued to keep a hand on Glory.  His arm wrapped around her waist with his palm resting on his hip.

Steve talked.  He told Bucky all about everything.  He’d filled him in a little on their march back across the border from Austria, but now he left nothing out.  He talked about his recruitment.  Erskine and Peggy’s faith in him.  How he’d been chosen for the serum.  How they’d turned him into a show pony.  The development of his relationship with Glory. How fame had gone straight to his head and how hard he’d fallen when reality crashed back down on him.  The only thing he left out was the incident in the bathroom stall.  He wasn’t sure Bucky was ready to hear that about him just yet.

By the time Steve had stopped talking Bucky had his hand in Glory’s and his head on her shoulder.

“Steve.  I told you not to get in any trouble while I was on duty.”  Bucky said.

Steve laughed and clapped Bucky on the shoulder.  “I guess you didn’t take all the trouble with you.”  His face fell. “Although you did take a fair bit.”

Bucky’s hand tightened around Glory’s as the memory of his torture passed through him.

“You okay, honey?”  Glory asked.

Bucky shook his head and looked at her helplessly.  “Not really.”

Glory wrapped her arms around him and he nuzzled in against her neck.  “Oh, honey.  You’re safe now.  They can’t hurt you here.”

She stroked her hands up and down his back.  Steve’s hands joined Glory’s in an attempt at reassuring his friend.

As they ran their hands over Bucky he started to ghost his lips over Glory’s skin.  Glory looked at Steve and Steve gave a brief nod and looked towards the exit of the tent. Glory shook her head almost imperceptibly and Steve smiled.  Glory was going to give Bucky the thing he thought he needed right now but Steve was going to be a part of it.

The gentle touch of Bucky’s lips over Glory’s skin turned into needy desperate kissing.  He moved his mouth to her’s and they kissed hungrily as his hands began to roam her body.

Steve’s hands slid across Bucky’s back and over his chest.  Bucky moaned softly, hoping they’d do more. Unfasten his buttons.  Move lower. Anything that might show that Steve felt the same way about him as he did about Steve.  Instead, they moved to Glory, sliding from her chest to her back and unzipping her dress.

Bucky frantically moved to remove her dress.  Glory caught his hands in hers.  “Slow down, baby.  This is happening.  We can take our time.”

Bucky flinched.  He’d always been the cool one.  The one who knew exactly what he was doing around women.  Steve was the one who had no idea.  Yet here they were and out of nowhere he’d just started kissing the girl who obviously had a thing with Steve even if they didn’t admit it.  He was so desperate for her touch, he couldn’t even make his hands do what he wanted them to.  And Steve was just sitting behind them calmly helping to undress her.

Steve touched the back of Bucky’s head tenderly.  Carding his fingers through his hair.  “You’re safe, Buck.  Whatever you think you need.”

What he wanted was Steve.  His safe place.  To tell him how he felt.  Instead, he settled on pulling Glory’s dress off over her head and dragging her so she was straddling his lap.  He started sucking and biting at her nipples through her bra.

Glory moaned as a tingle crept through her skin.  She unhooked her bra and leaned towards Steve.  They kissed as Bucky continued to suck and nip at her breasts.

“Take this off.”  Glory said, tapping on Steve’s uniform.

Steve stood and began removing his makeshift uniform while he watched his two friends.  Glory had started to unbutton Bucky’s shirt and they were kissing again.  There was this tiny voice in his head that said ‘this is yet another example of the loss of your moral compass’.  Much louder though, drowning everything out, was that this was right and he wanted it with every part of him.

Glory began kissing down Bucky’s chest.  Her tongue drew tiny circles and the salt from his skin filled her mouth.  She dropped to her knees onto the tarpaulin floor and opened Bucky’s fly, removing his cock from his pants and taking him into her mouth.

Bucky groaned.  His head fell forward but he kept his eyes on Glory as she bobbed her head up and down on his cock.  It almost felt like too much.  Going from the torture that had just been inflicted on him to this to this.  It was like freezing and then hopping into a hot bath.  His head felt foggy and his muscles were twitching.  Not sure if they should be tensed or relaxed.  Not sure how much they should give up to this happening.  Expecting it to change suddenly.

Steve came up behind Glory and lowered himself to his knees.  His fingers slipped between her cheeks and down to her pussy.  He stroked her up and down, spreading her moisture over her folds and coating her clit.  She moaned around Bucky’s cock as Steve’s fingers spread heat through her abdomen.  Steve watched Bucky, enjoying the look of pleasure on his face and wishing he could be part of it.  The cause of it.  He wanted to lean forward and kiss him.  To take over from Glory.  Instead, put his hands on Glory’s waist and lifted her.  Pulling her from Bucky’s cock with a graphic slurping sound.

He placed her on her feet and brought his lips up against her ears.  “Can you take us both?”  He whispered.

Glory’s skin prickled.  “I can try.”  She pointed at her bag and Steve went to it digging around for condoms and the oil they used as a lubricant from time to time.

Glory wriggled out her panties.  She pushed Bucky back onto the cot and straddled him.  They kissed and his hands roamed over her body, trying to touch every part of her naked form.  Steve handed Glory a condom and she sat back up and took Bucky’s cock in her hand.

“Stevie wants you both to share me.”  Glory said, rolling the condom down over Bucky’s length.  “All at the same time.  You okay with that, honey?”

Bucky looked at Steve who was rolling his own condom on.  “Steve?”

Steve nodded his head.  He handed the oil to Glory and she squirted some in her palm before slicking Bucky’s cock.

“Yes.  I want to.”  Bucky moaned.

Glory positioned herself above his cock and lowered herself down, slowly letting him fill her.  Bucky moaned and pulled her down into a kiss.  His kiss was frantic and desperate.  He moved his mouth against hers like he was trying to devour her.  He thrust up into her, leaving Glory to just cling to him and enjoy the ride.

Steve stepped up behind her and ran his hands over her ass.

“Start with your fingers, baby.”  Glory whimpered.

Steve poured oil onto his hand and moved it between her legs.  His fingers slid along Bucky’s cock, eliciting a loud groan from him.  It made Steve’s cock throb painfully.  His fingers teased at Glory’s entrance and he pushed two in.

Glory bit down into Bucky’s shoulder at her cunt stretched and burned.  Steve moved his fingers inside of her, back and forth.  When she became comfortable with the sensation he spread them, stretching her even more.  Just when she thought she was as full as she could possibly be, Steve pulled his hand away and replaced it with his cock, slowly pushing into her.

“Oh god.”  Glory moaned.

The feel of Steve’s cock pressed against his, tightly encompassed by the warm, wet of Glory’s cunt was almost too much.  He groaned, and his fingers dug into her back.  He had never even imagined doing anything like this.  Especially not with Steve of all people.  Steve who had always been so scared of girls.  Now it was happening it was the only thing he’d ever wanted.  This.  Right now.  With Steve.

Steve started to thrust, gazing down at his friends.  Listening to their moans of pleasure.  The way Bucky’s face contorted and his fingers bit into Glory’s flesh.

Glory completely came apart.  Her body spasmed and she cried out as she came again and again.  Her face buried in Bucky’s neck.

The clenching and releasing of Glory’s cunt sent both Bucky and Steve over.  They came almost simultaneously.  There cocks pulsing against each other.  They both closed their eyes and moaned at the sensation.

There was no time to really pause and enjoy the moment.  The three dressed quickly and were soon collected to be shipped back to England.

From England Glory was returned to the United States almost immediately.  The goodbye she said to Steve was alarmingly brief with a quick hug and peck on the lips as she was shuffled from one plane to another.

“Take care of yourself, Glory,”  Steve said, squeezing her tightly against him.

“You too, Steve.  I expect you to be leading the victory parade when all this is over with.”  Glory replied.

Steve laughed.  “I’ll do my best.”

She went to leave and he pulled her back against him.  “Thank you for letting me be yours on the tour.  I needed that.”

“Oh, honey.  It works both ways.”

And that was it.  She pecked Bucky on the cheek and never saw either of them again.

She wrote to both Steve and Bucky while she was home.  Steve was obviously doing what he was meant to do.  While she worried for him, it made her happy that others were recognizing him for who he was.  Each letter she got from him spoke about Peggy more and more.  Starting first about their rekindling friendship.  How he had thought she was with someone named Howard.  Until eventually he spoke of how they were talking about their lives after the war.  How they wanted to date but not now.  They were waiting until the war had ended.  How he wanted to take her dancing.  The more he talked about Peggy the happier it made Glory.  She loved hearing from this man who now knew who he was and what he was destined for.

Bucky went from almost being surprised she wrote to sending love letters.  Promises to take her out dancing.  Flirtatious quips about the things he’d like to do with her.  Requests for photos.  She played along never really expecting anything to come of it.  She was fairly certain that to Bucky she was the person waiting for him when he had no one else.  Especially considering the way he spoke about their future lives together coincided with how serious Steve was getting about Peggy.  She was sure that when Bucky got back he wouldn’t need her to be that person anymore and he’d move on.

When she received the letter from Steve about Bucky’s death it almost destroyed her and she realized that she hadn’t really been playing along at all.  She had fallen for this man via letters in a way she’d never fallen for a man before.

The news of Steve’s death was worse.  Partly because of their history.  Partly because she had wanted him so badly to get a happy ending.  Mostly it was just further grief compressing on top of the one she had not that long ago moved on from.

Five years after the war ended Glory married.  He was a film producer and the marriage lasted six months before it was annulled based on his constant and numerous infidelities.  

Two years later she married again.  This time he was a mechanic from Brooklyn.  A widower with two small children.  He was kind to her and always considered himself to just be lucky that she’d even looked in his direction.  She never had her own biological children.  She didn’t need them.  She loved the two that he had just as much.

She died at the age of 68 with her children and grandchildren all nearby.  She never lived to see the return of either Steve or Bucky.

[peeterparkr]

pretty woman iv|t.h.

collaboration with @marvelousxtsh  and @misformarvel my girls ♡  here’s the next one, enjoy.

a/n: Okay so the exciting part is finally arriving, you know, you might wana watch the movie and listen to the song NON-STOP, btw, just as you’re finishing the chapter press play to this song ;)  

series masterlist- i. ii. iii. iv. v.

after breaking up with your boyfriend, losing your job and barely hanging on to any hope, Hollywood’s sweetheart bachelor party might be the easiest way to get money.

summary: a series of ‘one on one’s

warnings: language, mentions of addiction, fake marriage

paring: tom x reader

word count: 3.8k

our masterlists: marcia | melanie | nancy

Comments & reblogs are appreciated. Be kind.

It was a hard night, the hardest they had in a long time. Amber fell asleep on his shoulder in the drive back to her home. Tom was tired but still shaken by the adverse events of the night. He contemplated the city, from the slum area they were at to the magnificent condo, where his fiancée lived. Tom remembered his talk with Y/N earlier, and he felt guilty to think he was the most miserable being on earth. Maybe love doesn’t exist and what we have is the nearest thing to it. His proposal came back to his mind, he could have done it so much better. He could have tried, at least, to make it better. Now he was asking for a miracle to release him from this absurd charade, which almost happened that night. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Amber. He could not bear to lose her.  

The driver opened the door for them. Tom lifted Amber in his arms, bridal style. She looked peaceful and fragile. For a moment he saw Amber the way the world did, and he didn't like it. Amber wasn't like that at all, she was a thunderstorm. He wanted to hear her laugh cracking the uncomfortable silence. Maybe love didn’t exist, and this was the nearest he would be from it.

Amber woke up as soon as he placed her under her bedsheets. “I don’t deserve you, schatzy” she muttered, her eyelids still heavy.

“You know that’s not true” Tom smirked, sitting on the bedside table. “You’ve been beside a hospital bed day and night for weeks if that’s not enough to deserve this.”

“I did it for me, I needed a quiet place to read my scripts," she giggled tiredly. “It was the least I could do for you, Tom. It was my fault”.

“Well, you encouraged me to do that stunt, but I was the one doing it without following the instructions” Tom grabbed her hand.

“You broke your back Thomas, you could’ve died, or worst, become a veggie.”

“Amber!” Tom stopped her. “I’d stay, but I have to change, and pick up my family from the airport, so promise me you’re gonna rest and you’re not gonna do something stupid.”

“Pinky promise, nothing stupid. At least not today” she smiled, throwing him a kiss. Tom turned the lights off and left the apartment. It was a long night and the next day was going to be longer and harder.

-

“Care to explain yourself, Y/N?” Cassie was waiting for them in their living room with her legs crossed as they entered the room. Her frown was furrowed, and her chest was covered by her arms. She was wearing her blue dress, and the red lipstick was still on. Her cold stare made Y/N uncomfortable as they strolled down to her. Maddie was carrying the red dress, as her friend watched them intently.

Y/N was wearing the sweatshirt she had borrowed from Diego. “I’m sorry, I was trying to save Mad’s friend.”

“I don’t fucking care. Look, we had a deal, you had to behave, right? And what did you do? Blow a fucking client up?” Cassie’s sharp voice was full of poison, making Y/N step back.

“Do you know how mad Senator Warren was? You ditched him and cost me a big client! All so you could have what? A fucking fairytale with Tom Holland and bang him afterwards?”

“I didn’t bang-”

“Of course you didn’t, you left. Where did you even go?” Cassie asked, and before Y/N could even answer Cassie shook her head. “You know what? I get all of this for you and then you back away the first minute. Get out, Y/N. Get out of my house.”

“No, Cassie-”

“Do you know how much money you cost me tonight?” Cassie retorted.

“Cassie-” Madeline stepped in, but Cassie was quick to shut her up.

“No, Madeline. You don’t fucking understand, because you guys got paid by Amber and me? I didn’t get anything, so whatever Amber paid for her, I get the money.”

“Well okay…”

“But I meant it, get out of my house.”

-

The ride from LAX to the hotel was eternal. Tom had a terrible headache and his parents hadn't quit talking since he picked them the airport. His mom was really excited about the wedding. He felt terrible.

The twins knew the truth about him and Amber, but Tom couldn’t tell his parents and little brother about it. They were convinced of his happiness and were very fond of Amber. Maybe that was one of the reasons Tom thought marrying her was a good idea. It made sense for everyone else, they looked perfect together.

“I can’t believe the big day is almost here” Nikki pressed his hand, showing her excitement. “Time flies. It’s like we met Amber yesterday, and she’s becoming a Holland in about three days.” Tom nervously laughed and kept driving with the last image of Amber he had in his head; passed out, laying on a stranger’s bathtub.

Tom booked rooms for his family at the same hotel he was staying in. What a marvelous idea you dick, he told to himself remembering the mocking glances of the staff when they saw Y/N walking beside him. Those glances would be on his parents now, on Amber. He did nothing, but guilt was there, ready to torture him for a while.

Haz and the twins received them with big smiles and long hugs.

“Where’s Amber?” Nikki asked right after she finished squeezing her sons. Sam panicked, and Harry tried to hide a smug grin. Before they could come up with something, Haz invented an acceptable excuse.

“My bad, I should’ve told you before but didn’t want to ruin this moment for you all. Amber called me, she tried to reach Tom, but you know the lack of signal at the airport. She’s kinda sick, so she stayed at home. She's fine now though, says it’s just a stomach bug.”

“Stomach bug, huh?” Nikki said in a suspicious tone “this isn’t a weird way to tell me I’m becoming a nan, is it?”

Tom's eyes went wide open, the twins could barely contain their laughs. “Actually, we grabbed some street food last night, and it was a terrible idea. But you know she’s more delicate than I am so poor Amber, I should probably go to see her” he tried to complete Harrison’s version. “You should check-in and go get some rest. I’m sure you need it after so many hours flying.”

The twins stayed with the rest of the family, Tom and Haz made their way up to Tom’s car. Haz was the one to break the silence.

“You still got time to cancel this whole thing. You know that?”

“Don’t fuck with me now, Haz. I’m not in the mood,” Tom snapped.

“Tom, you’re going to get married, this is nothing like accepting a role in a movie,” Haz warned his friend with pity. “It’s an actual fucking marriage, this is your life.” He knew that sugar-coating the thing wasn’t going to help at all.

“Yeah, and exactly because it’s my life I can decide to do it,” Tom retorted, Haz knew better. His friend didn’t want to do this. And the whole bullshit farce had come too far. Yes, to say they were dating was no damage, but marrying her, giving away his life to every single producer just to get himself the lead parts wasn’t exactly the guy Harrison knew. Tom had lost his essence.

“You don’t love her, you shouldn’t be marrying someone you don’t love,” said Harrison, trying then to convince him with the feelings and not with the life card, he didn’t know what card to pull anymore.

“Lots of people do that, love is bullshit anyway,” Tom shrugged.

“That's cause you haven't found it,” Harrison tried to convince his friend.

“Ah, piss off, Haz,” Tom rolled his eyes and cackled cynically. “Don't pull that kind of crap.”

“Okay, well let’s get real,” Harrison crossed his arms “I know for a fact you shouldn't get married, and Amber? Fucking Amber Healy? Are you willing to put on with all her crap? Just last night you had to look up for someone to get her out of an overdose.”

“She’ll change,” Tom looked away.

“You know that she won’t,” Haz stated.

“It’ll make me look good if I marry her. People want me to marry her,” Tom gritted his teeth.

“But do you, Thomas, do you want to marry her?” Harrison asked.

“Yes,” he hesitated.

“Bull,” Haz took a deep breath. “SHIT.”

“I can’t do anything right now, it’d kill my career if I backed away today,” explained Tom, “and I can't do that to Amber, and besides you’re not helping with this.”

“I’m your bloody best friend, and I can see that you’re unhappy and you’re ruining your life. Harry and Sam think so, too.”

“Well, I’ve already made my decision. I can’t cancel it now,” Tom shrugged, “I owe her don’t you think?”

“What she did for you is no reason to marry her. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, she’s awesome, and as a friend, she’s amazing, but she’s no wife material, she won’t make you happy.”

“Well, at least I’ll have you there,” Tom threw his hands in the air in defeat.

“Not for too long, and you know that Tom,” Haz shrugged.

-

Amber was texting in the back of her car, wearing big sunglasses to cover the big dark circles around her eyes, she had a bottle of water and was drinking some pills to cease a headache the hungover had given her. She was tapping her foot nervously as she approached the place she had been in last night. Just a few days until the wedding, and there were still a lot of things to do, and she couldn’t care any less.

It was all a farce, and it bothered her, not because of Tom, no. She loved him. But she was tired of showing her charming facade to the cameras and audiences. Giving away her perfect life and hiding her true feelings, her roots. It was impossible to keep it a secret, and without Tom, her career would’ve been ruined by now. Because, of course, someone who looked at her expected her to be what she was, an actress part of the infamous Taylor Swift squad, and every teenage girl’s role model. If only they knew. Such a mess she was, and she wasn’t proud of it, but she kept living her life as if nobody was watching because nobody was.

The latin neighborhood looked better in the morning, but it showed the true colors of the place. Amber’s gut gurgled up as she looked out to the small houses.

The place where she had made Tom go. It wasn’t fair to Tom. He deserved much better than her, and it made her feel guilty. She always wanted to make it up to him but ended up screwing up, just like last night. He couldn’t catch a break.

She arrived at the blue house and just stared at it, barely remembering what had happened. “Okay,  Alton,” Amber said to her driver and bodyguard. “It won’t take me long, but if anything happens I’ll scream or something.” she patted his back as she slid off the car.  She rang the doorbell.

“Voy (I’m coming),” the voice answered, Amber, waited up. Diego opened the door, confused to see that Amber Healy was standing right in front of him again in less than 24 hours. He was wearing a blue outfit, Amber assumed he was a nurse. “Oh.”

“Hello,” Amber greeted him and walked past him, without asking for his permission to go in. Diego stared at her and glanced at the car but then closed the door. He cursed internally, Y/N and her troubles chasing him down again and again.

“Miss Healey, this isn’t a good idea. I told you and your friends last night, but it seems like I haven’t been clear enough. This neighborhood is filled with people desperate to make some bucks, and this is Los Angeles, how long do you think it’ll take the press to post pictures of you entering my house?”

“They probably are looking up for me on the other side of the city, expecting to see me in my wedding dress, I think we’re good, and I’m gonna be quick,” Amber said. “You saved my life, and I’m getting married in about three days. You may think I’m a kook or something like that, but I really want you to come to the wedding.”

“What?” Diego laughed, thinking about how bizarre it all was. He saved Amber Healey from an overdose, who was brought by his ex, who was a prostitute now and probably hooked up with the actress’ husband to be. “I guess Y/N’s invited too” he added jokingly.

“Well, her friend Madeline’s coming. If you want I can invite her too and then you can make a move to gain her back since you’re obviously still not over her” Amber giggled and pointed at the framed pictures of the formerly happy couple.

Diego cleared his throat. “Qué? (what?) I’ve been meaning to unhang them, but I never have the time,” he explained embarrassed. “However, I’ll have to decline your offer.”

“Okay” Amber sighed and made a dramatic pause “Time to be honest, I guess. The thing is I did some research today, and I know you work with people who have this, how to say it? Inclination.”

“Now I’m really confused. Did you stalk me?” Diego frowned.

“I’m sorry, but after what you did for me I really trust you. I tend to overstep, but I really need your help. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to do this to Tom anymore”. She looked down and started bouncing one of her legs, clearly nervous. Diego recognized all of those gestures, she was asking for help with and without words. She was crumbling, and she wanted it to stop. But not for herself, she did it for Tom.

“Look, Amber. I can help you, but you have to do this for yourself, not for him, you don’t owe him anything,” Diego’s voice was soft. “You can’t be forced to do this.”

“I’m not being forced,” Amber shook her head, “I want to do this because I don’t want him to put with all of my crap.”

“Linda (pretty), if he’s marrying you he’ll kinda have to. And you’ll have to deal with his shit too. If you’re not willing to, well, bad news. That’s what happened to the couple in those pictures.”

“When you love somebody you’re willing to change for them,” Amber said. Perhaps she didn’t love Tom the way she was supposed to, but she did like him, and she wanted him to be happy with her.

Diego, oblivious of the true nature of Tom and Amber’s relationship, felt so sorry about the girl in front of him. He saw Tom as some Hollywood dude, and after seeing him coming along with Maddie and Y/N, and his girlfriend in such state, Diego saw Tom as a dickhead.

“I’ll help you girl, but I’m not coming to the wedding, I mean, how weird would that be.”

“Are you kidding me? If you’re helping me you need to come to the wedding, I need to start the day of the wedding.” Diego frowned and she did her “duh” face.

“Do you even need me there? If anything happens I’ll go or-”

“I need someone to stop me.”

“Can’t Tom do that?” Diego scowled. Her fiance wasn’t helping her. Apparently, Tom had been too busy banging Diego’s ex to pay attention to Amber.

“He’ll be too busy covering me up, and speaking with everyone,” Amber hissed. “Look, maybe you’ll hook up with someone nice. I don’t know, who do you fancy? They’ll probably be there.”

“You know what, I admire your totally out of the place type of humor” he grinned. “I’m coming to your wedding, and I’m keeping you sober.” Amber smiled “Then we’ll talk about Elizabeth Olsen,” he joked.

“Well, here’s your invite,” Amber handed it over. “Now I better leave, have to try my wedding dress.”

Amber was determined to change and convinced that this handsome latino was the one to help her. She liked him as much as Maddie and Tom, and Haz, and the twins. They all had something in common, they seemed to care about her.

She made her way back to the car with a grin on her face. Her phone started to ring as soon as she sat in the back seat. “Yes?”

“Amber?” Madeline’s voice sounded through the speaker.

“Hey, hübsch,” Amber grinned. “I thought I’d never hear from you again, what can I do for you?”

“I’m glad you asked, I do need a favor” she replied in a shaky tone. "I'm sure you remember Y/N, my friend."

“Well yeah, I was drunk but no that drunk,” she laughed.

 “Sweetheart, you passed out,” Maddie chuckled and then cleared her throat, “anyway, she needs some help, and I was hoping you'd give it to her. If it's not too much to ask, of course.

“Define help,” Amber requested. “If it’s got anything to do with Tom, I’m afraid-”

“No, no, it’s more complicated than that,” Maddie didn’t sound as cheerful as Amber was used to. “You see, I’m afraid… Look, last night was her first night with us, with Cassie and I, and she blew away one of Cassie’s long-term clients...”

“Oh, her first time, and girl scored no other than Tom fucking Holland, lucky bastard,” Amber laughed.

“Ambs,” Maddie’s voice was cold. “Cassie kicked her out of our place.”

Amber took a deep breath. “Where do I fit into this?”

“She’s going over to Diego’s place, but honestly, she needs to get out of there. I just don’t want her to return to that life, you see, Diego is just too busy with all his medical school thing, and he’s an asshole, and he’s super controlling-”

“You don’t like him,” Amber said because there was nothing wrong with him. What Amber had seen, Diego was a guy who didn’t know what to do anymore with his relationship. Maddie just had something against with him.

“No, I don’t. Look, he may not be that bad, but ugh, I just don’t want Y/N to be with him anymore, and-”

“I’ll take care of her, be her fairy godmother. Let’s give this Cinderella a fairytale” Amber chuckled. “Do you have any idea where she might be?”

“She took a cab so she might be arriving at Diego’s place in any minute,” Maddie said.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Amber hung up and asked her driver to go back to Diego’s place, just in time to see a broken and crying Y/N getting out of the car.

-

Haz and Tom were waiting at Amber’s house. Haz sitting down in the living room as Tom helped himself out in the kitchen, unsteady as he realized Amber was not in her place, the places she could have gone had Tom feeling uneasy. So he was pouring himself an orange juice as he walked from one place to another, trying to calm himself down.

“And you still wanna marry her,” Haz muttered, rolling his eyes. Tom was cracking his knuckles, worriedly. “Okay, Tom-” Haz tried to get his attention, “Tom! Please, can you chill? She probably went out for some breakfast.”

She hadn’t answered the phone, and Tom was dying. What if she had passed out in the middle of somewhere? Or what if she was lost?

“Wasn’t she going to try her wedding dress today?” Haz asked in an attempt to calm him, it worked. Tom stopped and glanced at his best friend, he was right. She was going to try it, that was it.

“Oh, right,” Tom sat down on the floor. “Sorry, I freaked out.”

“And you guys haven’t even married. Anyway, in other news and crazy nights with crazy girls, you left with one last night, huh?”

Tom cleared his throat, his face turning red with embarrassment. “It’s not what it looked like.”

“Uh-huh,” Harrison smirked. “She looked pretty. Such a pretty woman you left with, honestly.”

“I wasn’t the one receiving a lap dance,” Tom reminded him. “But, no, I actually saved her.”

“Such a prince charming,” Harrison laughed, teasing his friend. Tom rolled his eyes.

“It was her first time, and she didn’t want to be there. Then this old filthy senator tried to take advantage of her and well, I took her out.”

“And?” Harrison raised his eyebrows.

“And we went to McDonald's, and then we just talked,” Tom shrugged. “She was scared, she’s had a tough life.”

“Did you like her?” Harrison was being constant with the questions, trying to poke Tom’s nerves.

“I only spent a few hours with her, man. I wouldn’t be able to know, I mean-”

“Ah, you liked her,” Harrison stated. “You should’ve made a move.”

“I didn’t, because I don’t like her and because, if you can’t remember, I’m getting married in three bloody days,” Tom scowled.

“Yes, you’re getting married in three days with someone you don’t love,” Haz insisted. “Look, mate, I’m not telling you this to annoy you, I’m not being shady, I’m concerned about you. And I do care about Amber too. And she’s got a problem, Tom, she has to face it, and this whole fake marriage thing is not helping.”

“So what you’re saying is I should look up for someone who I do love?” Tom frowned.

“I don’t know, might help you, you’ve been so moody these days, you need to at least get laid, man,” Harrison spoofed. “And we both know you’re not getting some at your wedding night."

“Do you even hear yourself?” Tom was getting pissed.

“See! So bloody moody and edgy,” Harrison laughed. “Look, man, I’m just saying, at least you need a diversion, maybe that girl from last night could help.”

“And how would I even contact her again?” Tom scowled.

Before Harrison could come up with an answer the door was opened, with Amber waddling and clicking her heels, she looked up from her phone and smirked.

“Hello, Schatzy,” she grinned. “Harrison, hey,” Amber hadn’t closed the door behind her, and Alton walked in with a pair of dirty suitcases.

“Amber, where were you?” Asked Tom, worried.

“I was getting you a new assistant, schatzy!” She squeaked, as she turned to the door. Y/N walked in.

tag list (ask) <-If you’re using this one please specify it’s for Pretty Woman

[no-birdstofly]

3 for the right to the good parts thing?

3. I just told you I liked you but now I’m shy and say “never mind, forget it” and why are you looking at me like that?

It starts with an escape room, which is apparently one of those rare things in life that Jon Favreau is not naturally great at, nor something he can bluff his way through.

Or, rather, it starts with Jon cornering Lovett in the office kitchen on a Wednesday evening while he’s trying to find the last bag of cinnamon sugar pita chips that he stashed earlier this week, and saying, “Um, hey, do you want to do an escape room with me?”

Lovett only stops laughing when he realizes Jon is still standing there with a frown and his arms crossed. He takes in a deep breath and tries to settle down, gasping out, “Wait, you’re not joking?”

“Why would I–no, of course I’m not, what the hell?”

Lovett just stares at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so Jon starts talking again.

“There’s this one that’s, like, Egyptian tomb themed? In Hollywood? I was just thinking, I know you’re always doing them with your, your other friends, and I’ve never actually done one so, I don’t know. There’s a Groupon going on for it right now?”

“Hang on, you’re,” Lovett breaks off into a light laugh, “you’re being serious.”

“Yes, I am, why do you think–”

“You want to do an escape room with me.”

Jon crosses his arms again. “Yes, jesus.”

“Okay yeah, sure.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, buy them or whatever, I’ll square cash you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jon says in a rush. “Next weekend? Saturday?”

The following Saturday, Jon invites Lovett over and they have a few beers before they head out. The night’s going well until the first puzzle, wherein Jon proves his total incompetence at logic games, and Lovett proves his inability to communicate effectively while frustrated.

Lovett ends up having to solve most of the puzzles himself, and it takes forever since he’s too proud to ask for clues. Jon mostly stands around looking helpless and handsome and a little upset.

When they finally make it out, Jon immediately starts apologizing, but Lovett cuts him off. “Look, it was fine. Maybe not your best idea ever for a hang out–”

Jon looks down and away, his hands stuffed in his pockets, and Lovett thinks it’s weird, but Jon doesn’t say anything, so.

“–but totally fine. And honestly, seeing you jump every time something moved was pretty great. Did you actually think the curse was real?”

“I don’t know! Who knows?” Jon cries. “All those guys that excavated King Tut’s tomb died.”

“You do know we’re not in Egypt.”

Jon just glares. “Yes, Lovett, I’m aware there’s probably not an actual pharaoh’s curse on fake artifacts in Los Angeles.”

Lovett decides to be the bigger person and pulls up his Postmates app. “You hungry?”

“I could eat,” Jon allows.

“Cool, I’m inviting myself over. What do you want from Taco Bell?”

“You are not ordering from Taco Bell.”

“You just made me solve an entire escape room by myself, I’ll get whatever I want.”

Jon sighs. “Can we at least do Del Taco?”

The following week, Jon slacks him when he’s in recording ads with Tommy. do you want to see the new jurassic park movie when it comes out?

Lovett replies, already got tickets with spencer. if I don’t hate it I’ll see it with you again

When Jon doesn’t reply for a moment, Lovett sends, i could see if we have an extra ticket

Jon ignores that message and says, what about oceans 8

Lovett turns his attention back to the ad reads, mostly because Tommy’s looking at him funny. When they’re through the Quip, Great Courses, and Sleep Number ones, he replies, also spencer, sorry. Then, what’s up, do you just really want to see a movie??

He’s a little surprised to get back, what about hereditary?

do you even know what that is? Lovett types, then erases it. The thought of seeing what’s being touted as the scariest movie of the year with Jon of all people has its appeal. He sends back, sure, this weekend?

The movie goes about as well as Lovett expected, and includes a lot of Jon covering his face with his hands and making concerned and unhappy noises. It’s amazing. Lovett likes the movie a lot overall, though he definitely needs to see it again in an atmosphere where he’s not laughing through all the scariest parts.

Afterward, Jon looks pale and uncomfortable in the afternoon sun. He’s pouting a little, and he keeps looking over his shoulder. Lovett walks close beside him, letting their arms brush together every few steps.

“Did you seriously not know what it was about?”

“No! I figured it was like a boring family drama or something!”

“You figured it was a boring family drama, and you wanted to see it… why?”

Jon just shakes his head and then perks up when he sees a shop nearby. “Ice cream?”

Lovett rarely says no to ice cream, and he’ll admit Jon probably deserves it right now, after sitting through what has to be one of his worst nightmares.

Jon charms the girl behind the counter, asking for just a few more samples, he really can’t decide which flavor, and Lovett doesn’t know why he brings it up then, but he does. In a low voice that’s pitched loud enough for the entire room to hear, he says, “I can’t believe you actually screamed during that one scene, you’re such a wuss.”

“I didn’t scream,” Jon says.

Lovett just looks at him.

“I might have, uh…”

“Yelped?”

“Shut up,” Jon says, his face turning red.

That night, Jon comes over with Leo and ends up passing out on Lovett’s couch. Lovett lets him stay out of the goodness of his heart, and mostly because he remembers how freaked Jon looked even while eating a hot fudge sundae with marshmallow and coffee ice cream. In the morning, Jon and Leo are gone.

The next invite is a text asking Lovett to play mini golf, which Lovett declines in quick fashion. The one after that is to bowling, which. Not that Lovett necessarily enjoys bowling, but at least bowling alleys have fried food and full bars.

If there’s bumpers, Lovett texts back. Then, Are you inviting everyone, or want me to?

Before Jon responds, Lovett’s told Tanya, Travis, and three of the interns. It becomes the next Crooked outing, but when everyone congratulates Jon on such a great idea, he looks more annoyed than pleased.

Then at some party Ira’s throwing at a very loud WeHo bar, Jon sidles up to him, hands him a fresh drink, and shouts over the music, “Laser tag?”

To which Lovett replies, “Batting cages?”

“You want to go to the batting cages?”

“What? No, obviously I don’t. I just didn’t know what we were doing, what the bit was, so I went with arcade amenities.”

“What?” Jon sounds genuinely confused. “No, do you want to go laser tagging? Do laser tag? I don’t know what the verb is.”

“What are you doing?” Lovett asks, downing his old drink and looking around for a flat surface to set his old glass.

“What do you mean?” Jon asks, but he looks shifty.

“You keep asking me to do weird stuff that you’re not into. Have you even ever played laser tag?”

Jon has already finished half his drink in a few minutes, which is remarkably fast for him. What is going on. He says, “In like junior high, yeah. I think so.”

“And you want to go now?” He hands his old drink to Jon to put on the table behind him. Jon takes it without complaint.

“Well not now now, but maybe next week?”

“What is this?” Lovett says, gesturing to, well, everything.

“What’s what, Lovett? I want to go play laser tag with you.”

“Yeah, and that’s weird for you,” Lovett says. “And you know it’s weird. First the escape room, then the movie, then fucking, what, mini golf? Bowling? Now laser tag? What’s next, the trampoline place?”

“Trampoline place?” Jon asks. “We could do that instead, if you–”

“Jon, stop! Tell me what’s going on. I know you’re not inviting Tommy to bizarre bonding rituals, we talked.”

“Bonding rituals?” Jon asks, his voice getting high and quick the way it does when he’s pissed. Lovett would put money on his tripping over his words soon. “That’s what you think this is?”

“I don’t know what this is, that’s why I’m trying to ask you, you idiot,” Lovett snaps.

“Oh,” Jon says, loud even over the music, “oh I’m the idiot. At least I’m not the one who can’t figure out when someone’s trying to fucking date them.”

Except the song ends, followed by a long pause somewhere around when Jon’s saying “who can’t figure out,” and Jon doesn’t seem to realize until after the whole sentence is out and everyone in the bar is staring at him.

Jon, in turn, stares at his shoes until the next song starts playing.

“Jon–” Lovett starts, and he reaches for his arm, but Jon blanches and steps back.

“Never mind,” he says, and finishes his drink. “Fuck, just. Forget it. I’m sorry.”

He practically runs out of the bar, and Lovett does his best to ignore the confused looks Tommy is giving him from across the room. He double checks and finds out Jon’s card is still at the bar, and closes it out before leaving.

“What’s going on?” Tommy asks, catching him on his way out.

“I’m not sure,” Lovett admits, “but I think Jon is trying to date me?”

Tommy laughs. “About fucking time.”

“Wait, what?”

“Go,” is all Tommy says, shooing him toward the door.

The Lyft to Jon’s feels like it takes forever, and Lovett lets himself in the front door even though he knows this is an occasion where he should probably let Jon decide whether or not to let him in. Oh well.

Jon is sitting on the couch, clutching Leo and refusing to look up at Lovett. He doesn’t even have the TV turned on yet, he’s just stubbornly staring at nothing. Lovett steps between him and the blank screen.

“You can’t ignore me forever,” Lovett says. “We started a company together.”

“Watch me,” Jon says sullenly.

“Plus I have your credit card and ID. You forgot to close out.”

“Fuck, thank you.”  

“Did you really mean it?” Lovett asks, edging closer so he can perch on the other end of the couch.

“Mean what,” Jon says, flat and tired. Leo huffs and squirms his way free, padding into the other room.

“Were you–are you really trying to date me?”

Jon buries his head in his hands, so his, “What did you think I was doing?” comes out a little muffled.

“I don’t know, maybe your therapist told you to be a better friend or something!”

“I don’t even have a–oh my god, if you don’t want to, that’s fine, let’s just. Do we have to talk about it?”

“Yes!” Lovett cries. “We really, really do!”

“Why?!” Jon yells back, finally looking up at him. He looks hurt and a little bewildered.

“You were trying to date me,” Lovett says, not a question. “You were trying to date me by doing stuff with me that you know I like doing, that you don’t like doing.”

Jon shrugs and looks away again. “I like doing things you like.”

“You saw a horror movie with me, Jon.”

After a long moment, Jon slumps. “I’ve barely slept since we saw that stupid movie.”

Lovett tries not to smile too wide. “Alternate theory: you have been dating me, I was just blissfully unaware.”

“Blissfully? Gee, thanks.”

Lovett waves his hand in the air. “Word choice, whatever. Shut up. You’ve been dating me, and you have yet to make an actual move on me.”

Jon scrubs a hand through his hair. “I was trying to take it slow?”

“We’ve been friends for almost a decade,” Lovett says. “Take it any slower and we’ll be dead before we ever fuck.”

Jon makes a small sound at that, staring up at Lovett with wide eyes. “You want to–”

“Of course I want to. I want to date you and fuck you and whatever else you had in mind. What, probably, like, ferris wheel rides and holding hands or some bullshit?”

Jon blushes but doesn’t deny it. Lovett carefully rests his hands on Jon’s cheeks, right over the warmth, and tugs him forward.

“Jon Favreau, I hereby give you permission to date me,” Lovett says, “but for the love of god, no more escape rooms.”

“And no horror movies,” Jon says, leaning forward.

“Ugh, fine.” Lovett smiles and kisses him, pulling back before it gets too intense. “And I’m only going to the batting cages if you promise some pretty stellar sexual favors in return.”

Jon grins and kisses him again before saying, “I’m sure we can work something out. I do actually kind of want to go laser tagging, though.”

“Never say ‘laser tagging’ again and I’ll see what I can do.”feel free to ask for one of these, if that’s, like, your thing

[stars-and-branches]

1, 7, 12, 15, 17, 19, 21, 23, 24, 25, 27, 30, 31, 38, 39, 42-51, 53, 57, 58 (would just love it hear more about), 60, 65, 70, 72, 73, 78-83, 90, 93 (hate this term being used outside of indigenous contexts but an animal you connect with), 94-97, 99

Answers under the cut!

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A snake, I think they’re really cool! I don’t really know enough about reptiles to be able to have one and care for it properly though.

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

I am,,,,, a fruity bitch. I like fruity candy most of the time but sometimes chocolate hits the spot.

12. Any hidden talents?

Not really hidden but I don’t talk about it a lot on here. I know how to play the piano! I took lessons for a decade.

15. Favorite board game?

Mexican train, my family plays it sometimes for game night and it’s fun.

17. Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Layerssss. It could be below zero outside and I’d still keep the windows cracked open so I can layer on more blankets.

19. Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Any song Hozier’s ever made, the My Chemical Romance Danger Days album, or just whatever is living in my head rent free. Lately it’s been sea shanties.

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

I think I was in middle school? My Dad gave me a sip of his beer expecting some dramatic reaction and uh, that didn’t happen.

23. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

I don’t really like spending money - paying the housing deposit out of pocket is a little painful rn - so I guess $40ish?

24. What do you typically wear to formal events?

When I was younger I never had a choice and was always shoved into a dress. Nowadays I’d probably go by how dysphoric I’m feeling. I want to wear a suit at least once!

25. Favorite memory?

Hoooo boy that’s hard to pick. I guess going to see Dead and Company for a three day show at the Hollywood Bowl a year before my Mom died. We had a lot of fun, it was really beautiful, and there were a lot of good moments.

27. Favorite shoes?

I have a pair of black leather heeled boots with red laces. I refer to them as my “stompy boots”. They’re the only thing I own that emits top energy and I never wear them because they have a five inch heel and I have lots of foot pain.

30. Have you ever had braces?

Unfortunately. I got them taken off a few months ago though :D

31. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Drive. I’m the walking talking stereotype of gays being unable to drive. I almost crashed my grandmother’s car with my entire family in it. Not a fun time.

38. What color do you wear the most?

I answered this in a different ask but black. I’m trying to incorporate more colors into my clothes though!

39. Favorite season?

The rainy season where I live. For a few months the usually barren desert teems with life. It’s beautiful and the only time I can actually grow anything.

42. First car you ever owned?

I have a 2001 Honda Accord.

43. What time do you usually go to bed?

Early. My friends often give me shit for having the sleeping hours of a retiree. I used to be a night owl but I had to get up at 4am all throughout high school so I started going to bed immediately after dinner. I haven’t been able to kick the habit.

44. Are you a competitive person?

Yes but I don’t like competitions. I’m competitive in the sense that I’m constantly comparing myself to how others are doing and I try to be better than those around me. Of course, I’d never admit this out loud but the internet is fine apparently a;kjnvdfdasdvdf

45. Least favorite color?

Orange.

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

A small tabby cat named India. I still have her, my parents got her when I was 4 months old :).

47. Sweet or salty?

Yes.

48. Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli!!!

49. Favorite kind of chips?

Limon chips. Though black pepper is a close second.

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

I did this in a previous ask and I’m tired so this question gets a skip.

51. What are some of your hobbies?

Baking, gardening, video games, reading, journaling, drawing.

53. Favorite kind of pizza?

Either vegetarian pizza or margherita pizza.

57. Favorite labels about you?

I take pride in my queerness and being disabled. The latter because I love the spoonie community and it’s a huge part of my identity.

58. Are you a religious person?

Yes, in the sense that I’m a very spiritual person. I’m a witch. I’ve considered myself a pagan for the past five years, and I’m currently exploring Christianity since my religious path has grown too stagnant.

60. What size shoe do you wear?

It depends on the phase of the moon just about, lmao. I wear a 6 1/2, as wide as the shoemaker can make it. I have really short but really wide feet.

65. Favorite fruit?

Yes. I love most fruits (fuck pears).

70. Favorite dessert?

I don’t really have a set favorite? If I had to pick I guess it would be a fruit tart.

72. Age you learned how to swim?

Either 6 or 7.

73. Tell a funny story.

I used to be friends with a guy who was like. Ridiculously tall. Ultra flamboyant, very loud, like if the color neon orange was condensed into a human being. In my sophomore year of highschool we sat on some bleachers during the homecoming pep rally. He refused to stand up for the national anthem. We were sitting directly in front of the football players in the most redneck school in california. I sat down with him because I didn’t want to witness him getting jumped and thrown off the bleachers. We got called a bunch of slurs through the whole anthem and screamed at. Stuff was thrown at us. They kept kicking us repeatedly. One dude was kicking his neck over and over. The football players were more of a disruption than we were. Eventually, everyone sat down and they finally got bored and stopped. Aside from the one kid who was kicking the person I was friends with, he passed time by throwing pieces of food at us. 

This kid, who I’m dubbing Dipshit McGee, kept doing this until I heard him suddenly yell, “Oh shit!”

I looked over my shoulder. My friend at the time started guffawing. Dipshit McGee dropped his phone from the top of the bleachers and it shattered into a million little pieces on the dirt below.

78. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Usually simple things that express my appreciation. I use “I love you” a lot with my family. There’s only so many times that you get the chance to say it.

79. What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

Honestly any compliment. I’m not used to flattery so my brain just shuts down instantly.

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

Yup, that’s why I’m looking into abrahamic religions.

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

If I go to the restaurant a lot then I’ll usually just order the same thing. If it’s somewhere new I’ll switch things up a bit.

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

Crochet. It’s something all the women in my family do. I have all the tools I need (except for yarn) but haven’t brought myself to work on it.

83. If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

On top of all the other stuff I’m learning? Maybe increase my cooking/baking skills! I want to work with pastry more.

90. What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

The occult, spirituality, religion. I’m always chasing after knowledge in those areas.

93. What’s your spirit animal?

Yeah, I hate this term being used in a non-indigenous context too. As far as an animal I connect with goes, it’s a tie between snakes and cats. Cats because I love them dearly and have connected with them my whole life, we vibe. Snakes because I love their spiritual significance: connection to the earth, constantly shedding their skin and changing.

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Managing to steer the car away from crashing in the incident I mentioned in 31.

95. Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

No mess at all, preferably. I like to keep my space relatively tidy. Mess makes me really stressed.

96. Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

All three.

97. Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

I’m more of a planner. Spontaneity is very difficult for me but I’m trying to improve.

99. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to romanticize the small parts of my life, to find joy in even the simplest of things.

[fromhollywoodtobollywood]

Alright, people my first Bollywood movie is...

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) dir. Karan Johar

This movie is...a lot of things. It is three hours long so lots of shit goes down. I struggle trying to fit this in to a typical 3-Act Hollywood screenplay structure  because it feels like two movies in one. If it were released in the US, the second half would be released a year later as a sequel to the first. But I digress...Let’s begin.

The story opens with Rahul (Shah Rukh Khan) and his wife, Tina (Rani Mukerji). They are in love! They are married! They are having a baby! It’s a girl! But tragedy strikes. Shortly after Tina gives birth, a doctor informs Rahul that she is suffering from severe internal bleeding. Internal bleeding that she somehow knew was going to happen? I’m pretty sure that’s not how internal bleeding works. Anyway, even though this woman is “profusely bleeding” (doctor’s words) on the inside, she still has the composure and stamina to say proper goodbyes to her husband and write a series of letters to her baby daughter (to be given to her each year on her birthday). I realize if I don’t suspend my disbelief, I may not get though the first 20 minutes of this movie. But seriously, they can’t find a medical consultant in India? I’m Indian, and I can name five MDs in my family. Back to the story: Tina makes her husband promise two things: One, that he will never cry because he looks ugly when he does. That’s going to be fantastic for his toxic sense of masculinity. And two: That they name their baby daughter Anjali. It’s a perfectly normal promise and a cute name. Anyway, she dies, he ugly-cries and we are transported to...

MUMBAI, 8 Years Later (I’m assuming this is 1998 based on the year the film was released)

Anjali (Sana Saeed) is now a super-cute kid on the eve of her 8th birthday. While it’s never established what Rahul does for a living, he’s pretty loaded by any standard. 8-year-old Anjali has a camcorder in her room and her own TV with MTV India. In her spare time, she pretends to be an MTV VJ like Neelam. Anjali speaks a charming mixture of Hindi and English that she clearly learned from MTV. She says things like “I’ll be back next week: Same time, same place.” Anjali loves chocolates and wants to be a VJ when she grows up. The character of Anjali is approximately my age so by the time she’s old enough, MTV won’t have VJs, it’ll just be Teen Moms. BUT ANYWAY, she leaves the house to meet her dad on a bridge and this is where things get a little...freudian. Her father is two hours late to meet her (so this little kid has been standing alone in the middle of Mumbai for two hours). When he sees her, he tries to win back her good graces with flowers, chocolates, and a teddy bear like a fuckboy who forgot it was Valentine’s Day and ran to CVS. In this moment, his daughter says she is “tired” of having to be his daughter and his wife (because she picks out his clothes). He responds with “Well, if I have to be your mom AND dad, then you can...” He doesn’t finish the thought because it’s creepy as fuck. But they quickly apologize, do a cute handshake thing, and head home. At home they run in to Grandma (Farida Jalal) who is leading a Hindu Bahjan group of older ladies. She is very pious and has the same shruti machine as my grandmother. Anjali runs in and greets her Grandmother with a TOTALLY APPROPRIATE “Hi, sexy!” greeting. If I had done this to my grandmother (during bhajans, no less) she would have smacked me. Seriously, why is this kid allowed to have MTV in her room?

We then see a speech competition at Anjali’s school where kids are given a random word and have to speak extemporaneously on that subject for one minute. It’s weird but at this point, not the strangest thing that’s happened in this movie. Anjali is pitted against a girl named Jasminder (like ‘Bend it Like Beckham”!) and of COURSE the word Anjali gets is “Mother.” She begins to cry on stage when her dad steps on stage and basically does her speech for her because she is sad. The audience thinks this is adorable and he gets a standing ovation. We return to Rahul’s mansion where he plays basketball inside near one of those Beyoncé hair fans. This house is off the chain. His mother implores him to get re-married for the sake of his happiness and Anjali’s. Rahul insists that love and marriage are something that only happen once in a lifetime. He also says Anjali is alright because she has the letters from her mother.  Sure. Because a birthday letter totally makes up for not having a mom.

The next morning, Anjali awakes on her birthday in her truly spectacular bedroom (seriously, what does Rahul do for a living?) and runs down stairs to a stack of presents that would make Dudley Dursley jealous. She pushes all the presents aside to find the letter from her mother. In a voice over, her mother says that this year’s letter will be different from the past. This year, her mother is going to tell her a story about Rahul, Tina, and someone named Anjali. Hashtag, intrigue. 

FLASHBACK to Xavier College in the late 1980s

Rahul (still Shah Rukh Khan…they didn’t pull a Chandler Bing/Zac Efron thing here) is playing basketball flirtatiously with a young woman named…Anjali (Kajol.) OG Anjali is smart, funny, and a fantastic athlete (although nothing they do resembles real basketball). However, we KNOW she can’t be taken seriously as a love interest for Rahul because she has short hair and dresses like a combination of Sporty Spice and Dennis the Menace.

A few words about the fashion choices in this film: Although this is supposed to be the 1980s, everyone is dressed like it’s the late 90s. Rahul runs around campus in that GAP sweatshirt and Ralph Lauren rugby shirts that were ubiquitous in the late 1990s. OG Anjali wears a lot of cute but anachronistic, DKNY, Adidas, and Nike separates. No one wears a mullet, no one has feathered/permed hair, nobody’s jeans are acid washed. I have no problem with flashbacks in movies but the fashion and hairstyling make it seem like this is still 1998. Also, does Bollywood have a pass when it comes to showing licensed products and characters? So far I’ve seen a Tweety Bird, a Coke logo, a Pepsi machine, and a background character carrying a Mickey Mouse binder. It doesn’t feel like intentional product placement and I wonder how they got away with this.

Back to OG Anjali and Rahul. While they play “basketball” one accuses the other of cheating and they get in a fight. This brings us to our first SONG AND DANCE BREAK. Honestly, this is why I signed up for watching Bollywood movies. Unfortunately, there are no subtitles for the songs so I can only guess what they are about based on context clues. This one appears to be about Rahul and Anjali’s basketball fight which happened in private but is discussed on the campus radio station. So Anjali dances with her friends, Rahul dances with his and by the end of the song, they are friends again. The song has a fun beat and the choreography is pretty on point. This is probably the second most musically talented school after East High (What team? WILDCATS!). This song would have worked really well as a stand-alone music video and single but of course, this is Bollywood/India so a song can't just be a song.

We return to campus as usual where the principal (Anupam Kher) is waging a war on short skirts. Meanwhile, he ogles a particularly attractive member of the faculty (and so do the male students). I want to take this moment to say that while Hollywood films aren’t always *great* in regards to how they treat the female body, there is something particularly noxious about the male gaze in this film. Sexually objectifying a student or a teacher is just a fun, quirky thing the men in this movie do. It’s especially troubling to think about how Bollywood portrayals of this type of harassment influence Indian gender politics. If anyone has a suggestion for a Bollywood movie where women are visually treated with respect, please let me know. BUT ANYWAY, the actor who plays the principal is actually someone I recognized from playing the dad in “Bend it Like Beckham” and the dad in “Bride and Prejudice.” When I looked him up on IMDB, I learned he is probably the most prolific working actor in the world. Dude has THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY ONE acting credits to his name. Congrats on the career, man. He is happily talking to OG Anjali, a good student and a “good girl” who doesn’t wear short skirts like “other girls” (kill me, please). Principal Malhotra mentions that his daughter (who lives in London but somehow goes to Oxford) is going to do her final year of college at Xavier.

When we meet Principal Malhotra’s daughter she is none other than Tina, (Rani Mukerji) Little Anjali’s mom. We can tell Rahul is into her because there is music and he stops flirting with another woman when she walks in the room. We all know he eventually marries her and fathers her child so this meet-cute is a little anti-climactic. The real magic happens when OG Anjali meets Tina. Seriously, these two share some LOOKS and have some palpable sexual chemistry. If homosexuality weren’t literally a crime in India, I’d like to see these two in a rom com about how they fall in love and scam Shah Rukh Khan for his sperm so they can raise their daughter away from the ever-present male gaze. They have more chemistry with each other than either of them has with Rahul. I’m shipping this so hard and it’s not going to happen.

On campus, Tina faces a very specific form of harassment. Since she dresses modestly, is conventionally attractive, and the principal’s daughter, she is not openly catcalled the way other female students are but Rahul and his bros (in a pretty shitty flirting attempt) ask her to “prove” she’s “Indian enough” by singing in Hindi. Apparently, because she lives in the UK, that means she’s westernized and no longer “Indian.” There is so much wrong with this that I simply cannot. Sorry, that’s the westernized white girl in me talking. In all seriousness, Rahul is supposed to be the campus Cassanova and his idea of flirting is making a woman publicly “prove” her cultural identity. It is hella problematic #notwoke. Tina slays her rendition her rendition of “Om Jai Jagdish Hare.” This is a song sung during Aarti at Hindu prayers. Even I, a culturally beige-washed American, know the chorus and a few verses of this song because if I didn’t sing a long and stay for Aarti, I didn’t get ladoo and ladoo is delicious.

Now we get to the structural problems with this script. A half an hour passes with that is pertinent to the plot of the film. There is a student talent show that is completely irrelevant to the overall plot of the film and simply another excuse for a song and dance. It’s a great song. If they played this at a party, I would not be mad. Tina, Rahul, and OG Anjali essentially improv a full performance and it goes over like gangbusters. It also seems to be an excuse to dress Tina and OG Anjali like 2/5ths of The Spice Girls. Tina is Posh. OG Anjali is a strange mixture of Sporty and Baby. Again, a fun song but would work better as a single. The title song of this film is set among the ruins of a Scottish castle (seriously). For all the shit Rahul gave Tina for going to school in the UK, he seems super content wearing his GAP sweatshirt while singing and dancing in the land of his colonialist oppressor. Sadly, the title song is the least catchy of the film and doesn’t seem to make much sense. Are they all having the same dream about Scotland? Is it a paid advertisement for popular athletic brands of the 1990s? Is it a political statement about India, Scotland, and British colonialism? Who the fuck knows.

We finally come to an important plot point. In an English class taught by the sexually subversive faculty member who wears miniskirts, the students are reading Romeo and Juliet. TANGENT: The professor’s notes on Romeo and Juliet are covered in pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. These are licensed images from the 1996 film. How did this get past Baz Luhrmann’s lawyers? Tangent aside, instead of asking the students specific questions about the text (or movie), she poses the super deep question: What is love? *insert “A Night at The Roxbury” reference here* Really? What is love? Poor Tina. She left Oxford for this? Rahul answers the question with the level of intellect and sophistication we come to expect from him. He says “love is friendship” causing both Tina and OG Anjali to believe that he is in love with his best friend, OG Anjali. We know this is not true because Tina and OG Anjali are the real love story of this movie. WHY ELSE WOULD SHE NAME HER DAUGHTER AFTER HER?

At this point, OG Anjali believes she has feelings for Rahul and becomes weepy-eyed. When she goes to him to confess her feelings in a wheat field (as one does), he greets her with a confession of love. He then retracts it without giving her a chance to respond and says he was just practicing for when he plans to tell Tina. This guy is the goddamned worst. Why are we supposed to like him, again? OG Anjali responds to this the way any intelligent, self-possessed woman would: By dropping out of college. Rahul and Tina are upset and try to get her to get off the train. She does not. Cool. Way to make a great life decision. Which brings us back to…

LITTLE ANJALI CRYING WHILE READING THIS IN A LETTER. Remember Little Anjali? It’s her birthday? She somehow managed to be a sweet kid despite being raised by MTV and a borderline negligent father. This is the halfway point in the film. Seriously, this shit is only half over. 

It’s now up to Little Anjali to reunite her father and her namesake. She decides to play a word-association game she learned by watching MTV-India to get more background information on OG Anjali. This misguided little girl starts the game by jumping on her father’s back and asking him what word he thinks of when he thinks of the word “sexy”. She says this while on his back. The visual isn’t great. Rahul responds to the “sexy” prompt with the name of HIS MOTHER. This family needs some serious therapy or they are tip-toeing treacherously close to Greek Tragedy territory. Anyway, when she says “Anjali”, he responds with “Sharma” (OG Anajli’s last name). While this seems farfetched that he’d say her last name when his own daughter Anjali is being carried on his back, it’s is not even the most bizarre thing to happen in the last five minutes of this movie.

Little Anjali and the grandmother ask more questions about Anjali Sharma. Rahul says she was his best friend in college. He explains that OG Anjali “wasn’t like other girls” because she enjoyed sports and didn’t “wear make up or short skirts.” “She was one of the guys,” he explains with a smile. I’m starting to think that OG Anjali is just the Bollywood iteration of the Hollywood “cool girl.” I want to take this moment to say that not all American exports are good. Sure, we may have given the world Diet Coke and “Hamilton” but this concept of the female lead who is “not like other girls” is hashtag problematic as hell. “Not like other girls” implies that it is somehow better to be in the company of men and masculinity than it is to be among things and people deemed “feminine.” While it’s on the surface empowering, it’s underlying message is steeped in outdated and patriarchy perpetuating myths about gender. Additionally, no girl is like all “other girls” because women and girls make up 3.5 billion people worldwide. Each girl and woman has her own interests, passions, and opinions that make her unique. It makes me truly sad to see other cultures adopt this “not like other girls concept” and use it to propagate problematic gender norms in their own societies.

That last paragraph was brought to you by my Seven Sisters education. Back to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai- Rahul, his mother, and Little Anjali head back to Xavier College to see Tina’s father on the anniversary of her death. While there, they decide to look up Anjali Sharma. Principal Malhotra says that he knows someone who might be able to help. Rifat Bi, the housemother of the girls dormitory remembers every student and as it turns out is still in touch with Anjali.

A note about Rifat Bi: She is a devout Muslim woman and when she is introduced, the Muslim call to prayer is used as background music. I am ashamed to say that as an Indian-American raised in an increasingly Islamophobic society, I heard that music and got scared-like white lady walking through Compton scared. I thought some “Homeland” shit was about to go down. And I’m a liberal! I voted and volunteered for Hillary! But as ashamed as it made me feel to feel fear upon hearing “Allah u Akbar,” I used this as an opportunity to challenge my Islamophobic assumptions. Rifat is a helpful and kind woman who does what she can to help the Khanna family find OG Anjali. When she gets a phone call that OG Anjali is engaged, she tearfully tells the family the news. At this point, Little Anjali (instead of crying) puts on a hijab and sits on a prayer mat. Although this plot point is Kellyanne Conway level ridiculous, it’s actually a very earnest expression of interfaith prayer and a rare positive portrayal of Islam. While little Anjali prays, Rifat gets another phone call to say Anjali’s wedding has been postponed until December because of astrology.

So what has become of OG Anjali? Well, she’s engaged to an NRI (that’s Non-Resident Indian) who lives/works in London. Her fiancé is a man and I was a little bummed by that (sigh, India). OG Anjali now presents herself in a more traditionally feminine way. Now when we see her, her hair is long, her eyebrows threaded, and she is wearing…makeup. Granted, it is her engagement party but she doesn’t go back to wearing track pants or jeans for the rest of the film. I guess now that she has feminized herself in a traditionally Indian way, she’s the focal point of this second-half love triangle. Her fiancé, Aman Mehra (Salman Khan) seems like a cool dude and he and his bros have some sick dance moves. If Pinterest existed in India in 1998, pictures and video of this scene would have been a bigger wedding trend than mason jars. Aman is also infinitely more watchable, charismatic, and attractive than Shah Rukh Khan. He is not quite the match for OG Anjali that Tina was but she’s dead and nobody’s perfect.

OG Anjali wants to take some time while Aman goes back to London to teach singing/dancing to kids at a summer camp. Little Anjali finds out about this by calling the engagement venue and eavesdropping on the conversation OG Anjali and Aman have about the camp. With new knowledge about the summer camp, Anjali begs her dad to go. He says absolutely not because she has never shown any interest in singing or dancing. Really? This kid watches MTV all day Does Rahul know nothing about his kid? God, he’s the worst. Rahul leaves on an “Exporter’s Trip” (so he’s an “exporter”...is that a job? whatever) to London leaving Little Anjali in the care of her grandmother. While he is at the conference he runs in to Aman and there is a bit of confusion with the phones when both Anjalis call at the same time. The men share a laugh before telling the other “best of luck with your Anjali.” Get it? Because women are property!

Little Anjali and her grandmother use this opportunity to escape to OG Anjali’s summer camp. Gotta hand it to Little Anjali for enlisting adult help. If this were a Hollywood film, she would have stolen her dad’s credit card number (I’m looking at you, “Sleepless in Seattle”). Anjali and her grandmother head to the camp and it’s actually pretty cute. Mrs. Khanna schools the Anglophile camp director on colonialism and goes as far as to dismantle his portrait of Elizabeth I. Honestly, I’d like to watch a movie about an Indian grandmother dismantling colonialist symbols and taking back her power but alas, this is as fruitless as wishing for a queer romance in a Bollywood film. Meanwhile, Little Anjali meets her name sake while dressed like a “Dora the Explorer” cosplayer. Rahul (Parent of the Fucking Century) decides to use MTV to reach out to his daughter and says “Anjali, I miss you, please come home.” OG Anjali hears this and briefly thinks Rahul is talking about her. In that moment, she realizes Little Anjali is Tina and Rahul’s daughter. OG Anjali cries dramatically upon seeing the picture of Tina that Little Anjali sleeps with. Shortly after the identities are revealed, Little Anjali leaves a message for her father with the sound of her sneezing and he runs dramatically to the camp. Remember, this is the same man who left his child to wander the streets of Mumbai for two hours.

Rahul arrives at the camp while the children are singing “Ragupati Raghava Rajaram”-a song I sang every morning as a child. Unlike my childhood prayer, this song has a dance floor beat. I think you could probably play this at The Abbey in West Hollywood and it would be a hit. If I heard this version while sipping a G&T and talking to my new best friend about the red carpet at Cannes, I’d be weirded out in the best possible way. Rahul walks in just in time for ladoo (sweet timing, dude) and calls for Anjali. Both his daughter and his love interest respond-that’s not a Freudian nightmare at all. OG Anjali and share a cinematic moment. Rahul decides to just stay at the camp with his daughter and mother while they sing dance out some feelings of unrequited love and play “basketball.” Little Anjali is finally able to show off her singing and dancing skills. Girl has some skills. All that MTV has really paid off. All these background kids are seriously talented dancers. I can only imagine how good Disney Channel India is.

This is where things get *dramatic* again. OG Anjali remembers she is still engaged to Aman and leaves the camp in tears. A little boy in a turban who hasn’t talked before, cries and tells her not to leave. When Rahul sees OG Anjali leaving he hands her the scarf she was wearing the day she left college. Has he really had it this whole time? Also there are a ton of continuity errors with OG Anjali’s engagement ring-sometimes it’s garnet and others times it’s diamond. Is there no one whose job it is to check for these things? There are so many poor, unemployed people in India. Bollywood could solve a lot of problems if they hired some people to spot and avoid blatant continuity errors. Economics lecture aside, it starts to rain and who shows up but Aman saying he loves OG Anjali and is ready to get married because fuck astrology. Little Anjali and Rahul look distressed.

Little Anjali decides to try a little reverse psychology with Aman. She tells him that he is a very handsome man and could have any woman he would want. Why would he want to marry OG Anjali? God, she’s going to be a monstrous teenager. Aman (jokingly) goes along with what Little Anjali is saying. He says he is handsome and doesn’t have to settle for someone “dark and fat.” Way to reenforce colorism and body shaming, Bollywood. It’s not enough that this movie takes place in India and no one has a “dusky” complexion but let’s throw a little fat shaming in there as well. Nonetheless, Fair and Lovely ™ Aman says that he loves OG Anjali and is ready to get married.

At the wedding, OG Anjali can’t stop crying/thinking about Rahul and Little Anjali. When she comes down the stairs, Aman sees the distress in her face and lets her go. He tells her that he wants her to be happy even if it’s not with him. Besides, he says someone told him “he could have any woman he wants” and shoots Little Anjali a smile. This guy seems genuinely jazzed to be not getting married despite declaring his love in the rain just before this. Rahul and OG Anjali tearfully embrace and it’s assumed they end up together. Little Anjali cries tears of joy while wearing casual western wear. There is no way in hell I could have worn anything other than Indian clothes to someone’s fancy wedding. Little Anjali and Aman lead a pretty solid dance at the not wedding. A farfetched idea but hey, the choreography is on point-a pretty accurate description of the film as a whole.

[dwarveslikeshinythings]

Guys i saw beauty and the beast last night...

and i just... 

was kind of... baffled (?) by some of the choices? 

caution: spoilers/controversial opinions/randomy thought-vomity thoughts under the cut. I didn’t hate it as much as this makes it sound... I promise! 

*This got WAY too long, so I’m breaking it into sections. I’m so sorry to anyone that actually bothers to read this. It’s honestly just a reactionary stream of consciousness, for the most part. 

THE ACTING 

To set this up/disclaim: I adore Emma Watson as a human being. She is absolutely lovely, she IS and will always be Hermione Granger, and I’ve liked her in most of her other projects. That said, I found her COMPLETELY flat in this movie acting-wise (and don’t worry, I’ll get to her singing). I don’t think that Emma by nature is what I would describe as “feisty;” there’s a classy, sophisticated, “prim and proper-ness” to her that definitely has it’s place... but just not here. 

Belle needs to be fiery, empowered, passionate, and she just has to EXUDE that in everything she says or does. I think they did a lot in the script to empower Belle through the dialogue she was given, but Emma just doesn’t exude those things naturally with her acting, which I think is where the disconnect ultimately came from. 

So unfortunately, I was worried this would be a case of miscasting from the beginning, and I was sadly proven right. She looked absolutely stunning, but I personally never felt like I connected with Emma’s Belle, which KILLED me, because like so many other people that grew up with the movie, Belle was the character that no matter where I was in life, I always gravitated toward. 

Honestly, I just felt like I got more genuine emotion from 2 minutes of Human!Dan Stevens as the prince there at the end than I did from Emma the entire film.

THE SCRIPT 

I wouldn’t have thought this would be possible, given that the animated film script is pitch-perfect and even the Broadway show manages to be good (despite some completely worthless additions), but the script for this film was actually pretty bad. I’d give it 3.5/10. The pacing through the whole thing was... off, somehow. The relationship development between Belle and the Beast felt off-balance to me, and there were several scenes that I genuinely sat there going “well that was rushed.” (*cough* LIBRARY SCENE *cough*) 

Specifically: 

Why on EARTH would they have given the “I’ll show you to your room” scene to anyone BUT the Beast. It’s like, the entire tee-up to the Belle x Beast relationship???!? 

Also, they BOTCHED the whole “join me for dinner” bit, BECAUSE they gave the “i’ll show you to your room” scene to the objects. 

I was not a HUGE fan of the one-line backstory they gave the beast, something about “his father turned him into a monster” or something to that effect. To me, that “woobifies” the character in a way I’m not a fan of...  I always liked the Beast because it seemed to me that he had CHOSEN to be a bad person, he got his comeuppance when he was cursed, and he consciously had to decide to change his heart in order to break the spell. It took something away from the Belle x Beast arc to insert someone else in there to tell her “oh, he’s this way because X,” and for that to serve as a catalyst for her feelings softening.

Also, the whole Paris bit was super extra, and to me, a sign that the writers were like “oh crap, we haven’t done enough to build up Belle and the Beast, so uh, here, let’s have them bond over sadness.” Like... meh? (Sidebar: if you’re GONNA do the Paris thing and you’re GONNA have HUGE SHOT OF NOTRE DAME SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING, I EXPECT A “HUNCHBACK” EASTER EGG. C’MON, DISNEY!) 

Shifting gears, NGL, I missed Gaston’s ill-attempted “wooing” scene at the beginning of the movie. It almost seemed to me like they were intentionally trying to excise some of the blatant misogny from his character... but... like... he’s SUPPOSED to be the biggest fuckboi in town... he’s supposed to be the character that you really hate. He should be narcissistic, mysogynistic and generally disgusting. I remember even being a kid being thoroughly disgusted by Gaston, and feeling like he really got what he deserved when Belle chucked him out into the mud. And I just... didn’t get that from this film. I mean, he became hateable later with what he did to Maurice, but there was a lot missing from the propsal/rejection scene for me. (Also I would have DIED to hear Luke Evans sing “ME” from the Broadway show.)

ANOTHER THING: not enough of the Gaston fangirls! They could have had SUCH FUN with Lefou and the girls all mooning over Gaston... not a huge deal, just a missed character/comedy opportunity, IMO. 

OTHER MISSING CHARACTERS: WHERE TF WAS MONSIEUR D’ARQUE?!? He was positively creeptacular in the original/stage version, plus YOU CAST ADRIAN FUCKING SCHILLER, WHY WOULD YOU NOT USE HIM!?!? My boy got seriously shortchanged. 

Also, how TF did Belle manage to pull off that full costume change while galloping away on a horse??? 

Final random casting thing: the village library guy was pretty young and hot (not at all like the old guy from the movie). If I was Belle, I’d have been all over that! :P

THE MUSIC: 

OKAY SO THE MUSIC: 

First thing’s first: HOLLYWOOD. IF YOU’RE GOING TO CONTINUE RE-MAKING EVERY MUSICAL UNDER THE SUN AND INSIST ON CASTING ACTORS WHO CANNOT SING, WE HAVE GOT TO RE-EMBRACE THE CONCEPT OF DUBBING. BRING BACK THE MARNI NIXONS OF THE WORLD AND LET THEM SING. AUDREY HEPBURN WAS DUBBED. NATALIE WOOD WAS DUBBED. THIS DID NOT DETRACT FROM THE FACT THAT THEY WERE INCREDIBLE ACTRESSES. DUBBING IS AN ACCEPTABLE PRACTICE. LET’S BRING IT BACK. 

Seriously, I am so BEYOND done watching actors that cannot sing BUTCHER great scores. Emma was so autotuned, it was honestly cringeworthy-- wayyyyy too saccharine, way too overproduced. 

That said, Audra MacDonald was a VISION, as always, Josh Gad consistently impresses me as a vocalist/overall performer (and his upper register), Luke Evans was pitch-perfect and Emma Thompson’s rendition of “Beauty and the Beast” was absolutely everything it needed to be. Even Dan Stevens showed up with some vocal chops, but that brings me to another thing... 

COULD WE HAVE NOT JUST HAD HIM SING “IF I CAN’T LOVE HER” INSTEAD OF WHATEVER GODAWFUL POWER-BALLAD SOMEONE DECIDED WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO WRITE. 

Seriously... I had SUCH HIGH HOPES that they would at least carry over the Beast’s songs from the Broadway show, because of all the songs they added into the stage adaptation, I thought those added the most to the story and gave some much needed dimension to the Beast’s character, with some introspective moments that were missing from the original film. 

Instead (I’m assuming for the purpose of making people buy the new soundtrack), they wrote an utterly CRINGEWORTHY song that was musically cheap and lyrically terrible. I am getting so tired of saying this EVERY TIME a new movie musical adaptation comes out, but producers keep doing it and it irks me. So here (for the umpteenth time) is a PRO-TIP: When you have SO MUCH fantastic source material ALREADY out there, JUST USE IT. DON’T WRITE NEW STUFF. JUST USE WHAT’S ALREADY THERE. 

So in the meantime, I’ll just be over here cry/yelling in frustration about never getting to hear Dan Stevens sing “LET THE WORLD BE DONE WITH MEEEEEEEE!” 

They also lost WAY too much of the original scoring in favor of scoring that was just, well... BLAH. Really missed the original scoring during the scene in the West Wing when Belle finds the rose, in particular. [ALSO... they somehow managed to take like... ALL of the dramatic tension/sense of danger out of that scene. I don’t understand how that was possible, but they did it.]

HOWEVER, I was delightfully surprised to hear “Home” backing a few scenes throughout... I do like that song from the Broadway show, and while I had no desire whatsoever to hear Emma sing it, I’m happy that musical moment made it in somehow. 

FINALLY, whatever GOD-AWFUL song they had Celine Dion sing at the end just needs to never be heard by human ears again. But Ariana Grande and John Legend sounded pretty good. 

LAST THOUGHTS: 

Would never have thought I’d be attracted to Dan Stevens all dolled up in ostentatious French facepaint, but whoops, I was wrong. 

Shoutout to Hattie Morahan for being delightfully creepy and gorgeous as the Enchantress (also, SENSE AND SENSIBILITY FEELS with Edward/Elinor in the same frame!) 

To sum it up, though: Stanley Tucci remains one of my favorite things on God’s green earth, and I just want to be Emma Thompson when I grow up. 

[phillipcole]

Post-AGT Appearance 792: Scott Shannon in the Morning April 24

Lots of shows would use the clip and quote and demand an interview.  By Monday we would decide only Fox News would be worthy of an on-air interview and I would be rehearsing when Scott Shannon called early Monday.  The interview would be tight and uncomfortable for both of us.  My songs would all sink last week with My Homeland at 15, the John Williams Medley at 19 and Please vote for Avonelle 29.

Shannon: That of course was My Homeland, sung to the famous Titanic theme by Celine Dion and our weekly guest Phil Cole, who joins us now.  How’s the song doing, Phil?

PBC: Like the Titanic, slowly sinking: 15th this week.

Shannon: Any good news on other fronts?

PBC: No, no good news anywhere.

Shannon: Everything’s going in the wrong direction, huh?

PBC: Even my blood pressure.

Shannon: And uh...you’ve gotten yourself into a little trouble now.

PBC: Again! 

Shannon: Do you attribute the drop in your songs to the bad news?

PBC: We don’t know.  It doesn’t usually hurt anyone else, does it?

Shannon: Bill Cosby maybe.

PBC: Maybe, but that was overkill.  He’s old and tired anyway.  I don’t really see why anyone should care much about this though.

Shannon: You really think Roger Ailes had a harem going at Fox News?

PBC: I don’t know who did what.  I just know that before I started going impotent I got horny watching those girls give the news.  It’s no surprise!  Rupert Murdoch owns a newspaper with a topless woman every day, and not because she got a Nobel Prize.

Shannon: Ha ha ha.

PBC: The local news is like that too: women in miniskirts standing up.  We used to have a thick desk in front of every anchor.  Walter Cronkite might have been bottomless for 15 years.

Shannon: Ha ha ha that would be quite a sight.

PBC: Maybe that’s why they made him retire.  The lice from his pubic hair was...were...biting other reporters.

Shannon: Oh man, the imagery is tough to take on morning radio.

PBC: Don’t get mad.  I’m sure he had his pants on.  Now Barbara Walters...

Shannon: Oh no!

PBC: I’m not accusing her of anything Joan Rivers didn’t out her for.  Seriously I have to talk to someone from Fox News this week.  I don’t know who they’re going to sic on me...but at least it won’t be Bill O’Reilly.

Shannon: Ha ha ha ha ha do you think there is any truth to the harassment comments?

PBC: O’reilly is 65 years old.  Back then most men had primitive, almost primordial thoughts about women.  Fox only hired men who still thought that way.  They built an audience of people who think that way.  I suspect it’s a surprise one of the women got tired of it. 

Shannon: Do you think he’s guilty?

PBC: Guilty of what?  Bill Clinton got cleared because he promoted the only woman who refused to have sex with him.  O’Reilly could only do so much for a newswriter’s career.  If he called someone honey, dear, sweetie or hotlegs that better not be judged harassment or everyone’s guilty.

Shannon: Alright, any comments on news items, such as noteworthy obituaries?

PBC: You’re hoping I’ll have a bunch of jokes about someone so you can be first to broadcast my Don Rickles jokes.  Let me say, I hope I never make a joke about Erin Moran.  That’s just a sad story about how Hollywood corrupts, misperceptions about fame and wealth and everything sad top to bottom.

Shannon: Indeed.

PBC: Brad here has a sad musical comment about Geta Propescu, the 14-year-old mountaineer killed in an avalanche.

Shannon: Oh my.

Brad: The poor mountaineer barely lived and now he’s dead.

Shannon: To the Beverly Hillbillies theme.  I was thinking more about former Patriot Aaron Hernandez.

PBC: That’s a tough one isn’t it.  Cole has a song.  We’re not supposed to do parody songs before the last Avonelle song was released, but...sometimes creativity is impossible to ignore.  So Cole will do this week’s routine.;  It’s just random jokes about current events.  I hope we don’t get in more trouble.

Shannon: Am I supposed to interact this week?

PBC: If you want to.. Take it Brad, I mean Cole.

Cole: Thanks, Someone told me a radio station celebrated Aaron Hernandez' death with "Hey hey hey goodbye." The trouble is that works for anything you're getting rid of (soon enough the Bruins). "Ding Dong the witch is dead"  works for many deaths too. Hernandez should be released through a classic tune totally rewritten. I'm working on "If I only had a brain." Another that came to mind was Fernando. The best soon reached me: Lady Madonna.

Aaron Hernadez, after the verdict they did reach, killed himself in his jail cell.  Now what does that teach? Aaron Hernandez, choking to death in his cell. Do you think God will forgive him now or is he in Hell? Attorney Baez calls foul play and he should know. But all that monster thinks about is making more dough.

Oh, look at all the evil people. Oh, look at all the evil people.

All the evil people, where do they all come from? All the evil people, where do they all belong?

Shannon: Wow!

Cole: Thank you.  The oldest person alive died last week at 117.  Yer gettin’ closer, Scott.

Shannon: Oh!

Cole: Bush senior is in the hospital again.  It looks like he’ll be ok but President Trump’s hopin’ he’ll go now on accounta givin’ him a good sendoff’ll be the highlight of his first 100 days.

Shannon: Ha ha ha ha ha.

Cole:  Phil here set his birthday, this Friday if anyone wants to send a gift, like maybe a flotation device for all them songs sinkin’ down the chart.

Shannon: Ha ha ha ha ha.

Cole: Anyways he set that as the over/under for Trump gettin’ his whole cabinet in place.  That ain’t gonna happen.  What the big deal about the first hundred days anyways.  Granpa Cole here remembers somethin’.

102-Year-Old: Calvin Coolidge did nothing his first 100, 200 300 or 400 days.  Then as he got close to 500 he finally did something.  He won the next election.  When he left 4 years later that was still the only thing he did.

Cole: So keep on doin’ nothin’ Mr. President.  I’ll reckon we’ll all feel better if you do.

Shannon: Is that it?

Cole: One more thing.  This here’s the start of the NHL and NBA playoffs.  That’s when teams that never had a chance anyway fall out faster than the first 8 Republicans in last year’s primaries.

Shannon: Very well!  Good luck with your Fox interview.

PBC: Thanks.

Shannon: That was Phil Cole.  I’m Scott Shannon.  Stay tuned for more great hits.